#it would be nice if there were gay in stuff that i DID read like

[lugarn]

Before we dive in to the meat of your reply I have to just start with the idea that fix-it fic means fixing the problematic elements. It reminds me of the way modern fandom treats 'gay panic' like you're in a panic because you're realizing you're gay. Real history has been forgotten here! I am also interested in genuinely picking media apart! It's fun, but I want to do it with love for the media and what it was trying to do (Ebert-style) rather than with disappointment from what I thought it should've been.

Back in the Supernatural days I wrote a lot of meta! Not just about stuff I liked, but as part of the larger conversation about the things that the show lacked in terms of female characters (or any other regular characters) and how that was both an asset to the storytelling and a failure to imagine women and minorities as part of the world. It was fun as hell and I was part of a group who beta-read each others' metas and would make excellent points that would then make the metas even better. There was a thriving meta community and no matter what analysis we held we all knew that the other people weren't saying that the show or its fans were unworthy of love due to the media's flaws, or that people who chose not to see the flaws were inherently less than.

I also like a lot of shows that got into super heated levels of criticism! The main one was Playboyy, where the criticism veered into speaking over/ignoring sex workers' opinions of how the show handled sex work. I'm very familiar with the ways that tone-policing queers in BL have decided that something is bad and thus the people who like it are bad.

It's terrible, but like you, I focus on what I want to make. I focus on running events and writing fic and sometimes even editing vids. But I feel pretty alone, in the end, because there are so few people doing it alongside me. Fandom's not supposed to be a place where those of us who make and post things feel increasingly alone, but here we are.

As far as belonging, I think you're probably right. An adjacent issue is that there's not a real queer community online the way there is offline. Things were smaller and tighter-knit in the past, and I think that constant organizing around HIV/AIDS was part of what kept throwing people together to form more and more communities. I don't know how to fix it.

The reality is that queer folks are a small part of the percentage of the world, and while we can be powerful, in terms of viewing/buying potential, we don't really have enough market share to affect the world. (I wish we did. That would be nice.)

Media that's successful is appealing in some way to straight people. That doesn't make the media inherently worse! In a lot of ways it makes it better, the same way the analysis in my metas were made better by having a lot of eyes on them. Something that appeals to more people will also appeal to more queer people, since we're varied. It's a real win-win.

a question for QL fandom at large: when did we start only wanting media that is perfectly suited to our standards?

there has never been a perfect show, and there never will be a perfect show, because everybody likes different things and QL is run on shoestring budgets. i thought this was something we made our peace with as viewers of the genre!

so i'm just wondering at what point fandom decided that a show is only worthy of praise/fandom if it has no problems?

at what point did we decide that talking about the problems of a show is more important than talking about what we did enjoy and what kept us watching? i don't know when it happened, but it definitely has. critique is treated more seriously and gets more interaction than people talking about what they like.

it seems like a really exhausting and slightly puritan way to do things, to be constantly finding imperfections and treating them as more important than the good parts. dunno about y'all but i don't want to be unintentionally enacting puritan shit.

i want joy, i want fun, i want the spirit of camaraderie in fandom.

so, why did fandom begin to snub any media that didn't fit very high standards? and how can we steer ourselves away from that impulse?

(i am genuinely curious about why this is happening and how those of us who don't enjoy it can change, so please feel free to jump in, even if you are 'late' or think you only have a very small contribution to make to the discussion.)

[ooglywooglies]

its just hitting me just now just this second that i dont read a lot of actually intentionally gay stuff, like i dont even read proper yaoi basically ever and i just realized that this is like

for me

not me specifically obviously but... i just had a thought that im included in this, im intentionally included in this... i dont think ive ever thought about that before

[felassan]

David Gaider on Dorian, under a cut for length:

"Now this is a fun one. It's no big secret I have a lot of feelings about Dorian, not least of which because he was my first (and only) gay male companion. There's a lot more to him than that, of course (as there should be), and it was quite a trip. So let's go! Now, DAI is a story all its own, but I'm sticking to the characters. In this case, back at the beginning, the writers were going to try something new: we were going to let the artists take a more active role in the companion creation process. Why? Because not doing so had caused a lot of problems. See, here's the thing: writers and artists speak two different languages. When talking about characters, we talk about their story. Who they are. What they want. We'd write up these briefs, huge and full of information... but it was never the information the artists needed. They wanted visual cues. I don't mean describing their appearance. Sure, we'd usually provide that, especially if there was a story case to be made, but often the artists vetoed us on appearance stuff anyhow so meh. No, I mean they looked for visual language while we tended to only talk about who the characters *were*. What would happen is they'd hone in on something visual in our write-up not intended to be a focus. The first write-up for Anders in DA2, for instance, mentioned he was "haggard" after his journey... and the first concept we got was this pale, shriveled man. "What... is this?" "YOU SAID HAGGARD!" 😅"

"That was the other trick: sometimes when we DID try to be more descriptive, we had to be extra cautious because the words could be interpreted very differently. You encounter this recording VO, too. A VO note says "hysterical" and you *meant* "really upset" but the actor read "scream like a banshee" Thus this caused problems, like I said. The artists would struggle, sometimes conjuring details just to give the character *something* but which would change the character... and, to us, the character was created. Done. We were already invested, probably already writing them. Something had to give. So this time we wrote a bunch of character briefs - but short. One paragraph. We stuck to vibes and the *emotions* we wanted the concepts to evoke. And we didn't name them. They got titles like "Slick Con Man" or "Ice Queen", so we wouldn't get too attached. Then we handed these off to the artists. And it worked nicely. The ones that just weren't inspiring we'd discard, no problem. The others had juice... and the artists felt free to play and offer lots of variations because we weren't set on anything yet. A lot of times, what they produced ended up inspiring US. It was a neat back-and-forth."

"This is what led to Dorian, in fact. He came from a short write-up entitled "Rock Star Mage" and it really boiled down to "I'm cool and I know I'm cool, so take that you cretins". And just like that, the first sketches (by Casper Konefal, I think? I bet I'm wrong) were all amazing. Instant fire. Me: "He looks kind of like... Freddie Mercury?" Him: "Is that bad?" Me: "NO ARE YOU KIDDING THIS IS AMAZING" Plus there was a monkey. Sadly, we had to lose the monkey. There were iterations to come, but this was really where Dorian was born: Tevinter mage, noble, savant, and too cool for school."

"When did he become gay? Not right away. Like I said elsewhere, we didn't talk romance and sexuality until after the concepts were more in place. But as we were brainstorming about why this hot shot mage left Tevinter, the idea DID come up that maybe it was because he was gay. Not directly, however. Homophobia isn't really a thing in Thedas, after all, so at first blush I didn't think that could work. "Rich kid gets kicked out of the house for being gay" wasn't a trope I wanted to explore. But, then again, magister families in Tevinter are *obsessed* with the appearance of perfection, so...? Any deviation from the "norm" is considered scandal-worthy. It said weakness. It said you couldn't control your house. Now... THAT had real promise. The writing pit discussed it a lot. So I think it's fair to say that the gay fairy was already circling Dorian even before we got to the romance talk. I think it's also fair to say that the rest of the team realized I low-key wanted to write him, because when everyone started calling dibs, who was left standing for me? (I pick last, remember.) I gleefully snatched him up and got to work... ...about six months later. I was very busy at the time. 😅 That late start meant I had to design and write VERY quickly. And I did. Somehow, though, this one... it came easily. "Catty gay man" isn't digging very deep, no surprise to anyone who knows me, and it had an extra layer of being so fun because Dorian was confident. He sparred verbally. I loved it."

"There was more to it, however. The conflict between Dorian and his father... ugh, how do I say this? Let's be clear: Dorian's story is not MY story, but it's also not far off. I wrote the entire confrontation scene in one go. After I was done, I probably cried harder than I ever have in my life. 🫠 I was unsure whether it was any good, however. I just didn't feel objective. I passed it over to Cori May - my friend but also Dorian's editor - and asked her to please tell me and be honest. She read it. She walked into my office after, tears streaming down her face, and just nodded. "It's good." Here's the thing. Not everyone is going to agree with this, but: I don't think a writer NEEDS to be a minority in order to write a minority. Sometimes those characters should simply exist, and we want them to. But if that character's story is ABOUT their experience as a minority? That's different. Dorian's story didn't need to revolve around his sexuality - and, honestly, it only did so as a tangent to his family issue, but they're so bound together it's probably irrelevant to split them - but my writing him meant it could be. It allowed me to SAY something. That felt good. It felt right. Ramon Tikaram came on board after a lengthy casting process (so many British Indian accents, oh god). I sat in on a few recording sessions... the confrontation scene, though? Ramon: *says line* Me: (curled up on a nearby sofa in fetal position) *shaky thumbs up* Caroline: "Yep. Great work, Ramon!""

"Dorian's sexuality isn't all he's about, but that's certainly how some viewed it. When the character was announced in 2014, his being gay was mentioned as the last of a number of points, and the instant response from some gamers was to act as if we'd called a press conference just to say THAT. 🙄 It was annoying. Still is. Overall, however, the reaction to Dorian was very positive. The number of straight men who said they romanced him still pleases me. The number of fans who privately contacted me who'd been through conversion therapy, some who said Dorian helped them survive? Well. Gosh. 😭 I did write him for Trespasser - though I hear that a late scope cut meant every conversation had been chopped by 1/3rd or more, and that meant a lot of nuance lost. Which is sad, if true, because it sounds like the result of that left some Dorian romancers a bit cold. Such is how game dev rolls. 😔 If you need more proof of how it was hard for me to let go of him, a short story I wrote after Trespasser came out where Dorian has a bit of closure with his dead father: medium.com/@davidgaider... So yeah. He'll always be my boi. And I'll always be thankful Bio gave me this opportunity. ❤️"

[source thread]

User: "I'm not going to lie, it's hard to take my mind off Dorian almost having a monkey." David Gaider: "If by “almost” you mean there was a picture of a monkey that the concept artist put there as a whim, and which would almost certainly have taken more cinematics and modeling time to put in than we could ever afford… then yes. 😉" [source]

[gassydumbjocks]

Virilite 1:

Boys will be boys

Ever since I spiked my nephew Liam's beer with a strange pill I found online when he and my brother came to watch a football match, that boy has been acting like a man, as he should.

You see, my brother Noah had a son who, don't get me wrong, I love this boy with all my soul, but god damn he had to grow up and start acting like what he was, a dude, always wearing those girly crop tops and tight-fitting jeans with bright colors because "that's who he was", I admit that I was clearly upset when he revealed to the family that he was gay, but even so I couldn't do anything and neither could Noah, so we decided to accept him as he was, until I found a way to... make him act as he should.

While looking at online articles I found this article online that was supposed to be some pills that could have an effect on the behavior and actions of the person that took them, yes, I know, very science fiction-like, still, what caught my attention was the name and objective of the pill, "Virilite" was its name, and it promised to also have an effect on the levels of testosterone produced in men, which ended up convincing me to buy it.

The instructions were simple, put them in the drink or food that said man was going to consume, once ingested the guy would enter an immediate state of trance, able to only follow the orders that another person suggested in his mind, there were even images of test subjects boys who I assume took the pill, they all had a relaxed yet funny expression, eyes crossed and some even with tongues sticking out like dogs, I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Liam looking like that.

Just as i was now, immediatly after i got Liam to drink it after offering him a beer, he letted out an involuntary loud and guttural deep belch, which from what i knew and readed online was a sign that the pill already took effect, i had Liam in front of me with a dumb smile and an eye-crossed, glazed over look, like that huge burp just took away all his thoughts and personality.

After the first 5 minutes of calling his name and getting no response, i actually started to worry, he couldn't stay as a brainless zombie-like dumbass all his life, and Noah would find out and kill me for it, i tried to remember, i took the pill's container and readed again the instructions.

"Ohh, so i have to, uh, kinda program him?" i said and then i thought of things i could make him do, i certainly bought those pills to make the kid more like a man... So, hell, what a man i would mold out of him.

I heard him let out a dumb chuckle still with that goofy smile from before, i smirked and approached "Liam, buddy, you hear me champ, you hear uncle Dave?" i asked to make sure he could indeed hear me, he slowly nodded and let out some hiccups "great, cuz we got a lot of work to do on you, and im sure you'll love it" i say.

I think of the first command to give him, they suggest to use short and simple commands, there are plenty of manly things he needs to learn, but i think i can cover up basic stuff, i remember Noah and me asking him to join us in our protein farting contests when we relaxed in our man cave watching our team, while Liam just grimaced and waved his hand, saying it was immature and gross, i would make him change his opinion, so it was obvious what would be the command "Liam...fart, loudly and proudly, c'mon" i literally order him to fart, i just wanted to test the effectiveness of the command obeying.

Without hesitation, he lifts his right leg as high as he can, leaving his butt in the air, before a barrage of gas goes out his butt.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

Its so strong, big and beefy, even for me, i have to wave the smell and open a window nearby "good lord boy! Where in the hell did you got all that gas from!?" i ask impressed, and try to recover before continuing "ok ok lets keep up!, umm, belch, a nice deep man belch" i say, waiting for it.

I didn't even have to wait when he was already patting his chest and squinting an eye to help the gas release.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRPPP!!!

And holy fuck, if Liam was concious, he'd know that beast burp would have easily beat his old man and me in our oftens belch offs, the pill was clearly making a miracle on him.

I was admitidly having fun on my nephew making all the stuff he found "gross" and "immature" under a pill's control, i gave him another command, just to get a good laugh "Liam, do some armpit farts, but in the last one, you'll ask me to pull your finger, you'll let out a monster fart, got it?" i asked and he nodded again, he then started with the manly symphony, he took a hand down one of his pits and started to produce the nasty sounds.

PPPPPRRRRTTT

PPPPPPRRRRRRTTT

PPPPPPRRRRRTT

PPPPPPPRRRRRTT

I saw him stop and put hand on his gut, then he talked goofily "uncle, pull my finger" he asked dumbly before laughing and extend his hand at me, i gladly accepted "oh of course kiddo, let me help you with that" i smirked and pulled it hard, unleashing the beast gas he had stuck in his rump.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

An ABSOLUTELY disgusting deep-ass and loud, nasty fart erupted from him, Liam never losing the crossed look on his face, as he hiked exaggerately his leg to force the fart out, i was shocked, but in the end, finally proud of him, i couldn't wait for Noah to see what he could do! We would think on more funny stuff to do at our just guys nights! After all, boys will be boys, right?

[etirabys]

meandering post about reading Orson Scott Card again

I've been offline starting at 9pm every day (except once. I was drunk at karaoke and asked for anons at 8:30pm) for six weeks, with the result that in befuddled boredom two nights ago I picked up Orson Scott Card's Songmaster from the house bookshelf.

I read Ender's Game and three sequels when I was a teen thought the books were mid. Since those are OSC's best works I assumed he had nothing more interesting to offer me and didn't try more of him for fifteen years, but Songmaster was compelling enough that I immediately afterwards picked up The Memory of Earth, the first book of a pentalogy.

TMoE is extremely my jam: after humanity blows itself up on Earth, AIs monitor thriving human civilizations in the planets that survivors managed to escape to, and suppress any tech that enables large scale violence by exerting low key mind control via satellites. But forty million years pass, many of the satellites break down, and the AI needs help from humans to restore capabilities. Because as its control wanes, people are starting to e.g. conceive of airplanes or bombs again, and override the injunctions against entering military alliances more than two edges of connection away.

The AI is worshipped as a god all over the planet, but the fourteen year old protagonist that becomes one of the AI's agents tells the AI from the beginning that he'll break with it if its morality seems wrong to him. I like the fourteen year old – unlike Ender or Songmaster's protagonist (adult minds piloting ten year old bodies), he's a normal gifted kid who's unpopular 50% due to his ego and big mouth and 50% because he's socially inept and offends people even when he's trying to be nice.

Songmaster is also partly about a permanent solution to large-scale violence, albeit through one guy who establishes a monopoly on violence and sweeps in pax galactica. Both it and TMoE are preoccupied with the eradication of suffering from evil / human violence, which is closer to my resonant frequency than narratives about defeating particular people or ideologies. At the moment I can't think of any other book with such an insistent focus on the matter than T.H. White's The Once and Future King. It's hard to make a compelling story out of, and I don't think Songmaster really succeeds, but TMoE's premise is well suited to explore that. (I'm also enjoying the matriarchal culture where everyone is expected to have multiple serial-monogamous marriages.) After reading 70% of TMoE last night I wrote:

Usually when I read fiction there's a small part of me going, how can I use this as fodder for my own growth, how can I remix or improve or react against this, how do the author and I measure against each other? (If the quality and content are at an anti-sweet spot, the small part becomes quite large and I feel all teeth towards the author.) But on occasion I read something so close that the absence of that measuring-feeling is its own sensation – ego departs, or at least is split across two bodies. There's just amity and recognition

And it's pretty interesting to feel this way about Card for, well, the reasons.

(If you're familiar with Card drama none of the following will be new to you; I'm coming to it fresh so the rest of this post is me going "uh... wow")

I vaguely knew he was a homophobic Mormon who'd gotten into fights about gay stuff, but I couldn't tell from the Ender books I read. But in Songmaster his issues spring off the page in such a weird way. Every fifth Goodreads review of this book is "Card, u gay?" because, well,

(One review, possibly from a fellow Mormon, that went "Card, it's so sinful of you to be this gay in your novel". Why did he write this book that would predictably make everyone mad...)

it's full of gay male desire. The protagonist (Ansset) is approximately a castrato and characters notice him sexually a lot. The first and only time Ansset has sex it's with a Kinsey 4-5 male character he loves, who's married to a woman but has fallen in love with Ansset. It turns out the drugs Ansset took to prolong his singing career painfully and only-kinda-figuratively explode your balls when you have your first orgasm and you'll never feel sexual desire again. (You'd think his loving teachers would have warned him of that, but, whatever, they didn't.) The other guy is literally castrated in punishment for inadvertently torturing a highly valuable castrato. It's pretty bald: GAY SEX IS ALMOST IRRESISTIBLY TEMPTING BUT YOU SHOULDN'T DO IT.

(Sidenote: both Ansset and the guy's wife are very close and have a "there's enough love to go around" attitude about the gay sex initially, before they go "wait Josif is a SERIAL MONOGAMIST... he can only love one person at a time... the moment he had the gay sex his marriage was destroyed". It's funny in a mildly stupid way that Card would set up this parable of homosexuality destroying lives and a marriage but almost everyone involved is peacefully ready to sail into an open marriage. I guess it makes sense if you want to say very clearly that THE GAY PART IS THE BAD PART)

which is fascinating to me, because... why would you tell on yourself like that

(81k also told me secondhand of an essay? interview? where Card openly says "we have to stand against legalizing gay marriage because everyone will get gay married and society will collapse", so that's informing my read of Songmaster as well)

I am pretty dang open about my personal life online but if I had a lot of feelings I thought were disgusting and immoral I would not write a novel dripping with those feelings before pointedly castrating the leads for them. Especially if it wasn't relevant to the actually highbrow themes of (checks notes) winning over your adversaries with kindness and never relinquishing your monopoly on violence. I would be so so so so embarrassed to let this go to print, it's so psychologically transparent, what was he thinking

(Well, I assume he's a very different person with different social incentives. For all I know, people in his church went "hey Orson we read your book and it's clear that you're gay but signaling strongly that you won't give into the gay feelings, we're here for you, it was really brave of you to publish this".)

[susansontag]

my guide to lesbian anime both canonic and subtextual

(won’t include every lesbian anime ever, this is a personal list)

the canonic-gay section:

revolutionary girl utena

nothing before or since has ever done it like this. trigger warnings for everything imaginable. loads of homosexuals in this one. gender commentary, fairytale allusions, a lot of kids who are having a hard time growing up and moving beyond their pasts. sword lesbians.

flip flappers

the problematic favourite, in that there’s at least one uncomfortable sexualised shot each episode (roughly speaking; some have none and one has even more, unfortunately), so be warned. but at its heart flipflap is about repressed cocona going on adventures with outgoing and expressive papika, and their exploration of various fantastical lands/inner worlds of people they meet. hugely inventive and pretty, and a core thread is cocona discovering she’s gay.

aoi hana (‘sweet blue flowers’)

the comfort lesbian show, with not a romantic relationship at its heart, but a friendship between two childhood friends who meet again, both of whom are gay (though only one realises this during the show’s run, as it’s based on a manga). one of them dates an upperclassman at her school, and there’s various gay and bi side characters. it’s just very wholesome, lovingly animated, sweet and sometimes painful stuff.

bloom into you

I controversially do not care that much for bloom into you, but as the best, high-production, non-skeevy yuri show in years - that is based on a manga by a woman - it’s worth mentioning. late-bloomer girl dreams of romance, though has never felt it, and finds affinity with a girl who similarly is disinclined to date. that is, until said girl says she fancies her. genuinely moving exploration of developing gay identity at times, only downside is my personal disinterest in the black haired girl. some weird ‘heightened’ moments that feel inauthentic and titillating do arise, but it’s very few - to the point where some would disagree with me on my reading of it, I’d imagine.

sailor moon

the bits which the lesbians are in, etc. it’s a classic. I haven’t watched all of it myself because I don’t care much nor do I have nostalgia for sailor moon, but it’s one of the most notable examples of a butch/masc lesbian in anime, so that’s nice.

o maidens in your savage season

nerdy teenage girls who are part of a literature club make it their quest to discover sex and dating, in various ways (unfortunately, not all of them dealt with well… teacher/student foolery that is fortunately abandoned before it gets worse but is nonetheless handled with mixed results, imo). mostly though it’s hilarious, sweet, silly, and there’s a gay girl in it, but I won’t spoil which one. adults predating on children is also handled much, much better in another of the show’s storylines, and I do appreciate it for trying to tackle that difficult subject matter.

oniisama e (‘dear brother’)

an oldie, based off a shoujo manga by one of the greatest (riyoko ikeda). there’s a central relationship to root for (better articulated in the manga), but it’s mostly just what if we were messy depressed lesbians at an all-girls school and we were also melodramatic and mean as hell.

revue starlight

what if we were at an all-girls dramatic arts school and engaged in utena-like duels to become the top performer? main implicitly gay couple with canonic side gay couples. it’s quite cute. also worth watching if you like takarazuka in any way (prestigious all-female japanese theatre troupe), because the main conceit of the school is very much based on that idea.

the gay-themes section:

sound! euphonium (season one)

in which director naoko yamada’s awesome legacy of writing lesbians and then saying “who’s to say though, ha ha” continued (she did it already with a side character in tamako market). this one is known as the gaybait to end all gaybait, but hear me out: the first, and best, season, is not only a fantastic self-contained story with many great characters and plot points, but it’s main character is undoubtedly lesbian-coded and even has a love interest you can argue about. frankly I think she’s gay-coded throughout the whole show (even when she dates a guy for two minutes), but this feels very “I wanted to focus on this compelling relationship between two female characters but the adaptation’s success meant we had to revert back to the source material in later seasons”. what we got from this is perhaps my favourite lesbian anime of all-time, following utena.

a place further than the universe

this show is about four girls who join an expedition to antarctica, and what if I told you they’re all great, believable dorky teenage characters, and they exist in a well-written and thematically satisfying show… and there’s nice lesbian implication between one of our adult female protagonists and her old (deceased; not a spoiler) friend who was the main teen girl’s mother. there’s some sad here, obviously.

puella magi madoka magica

the well-known, much beloved deconstruction of the magical girl genre is also pretty gay, as it happens (so gay in fact it started a trend of gay-coded pink+black magical girls). it’s not a particular favourite of mine, but it’s visually one of the most notable anime productions ever, so it’s well worth seeing just for that.

NANA

the 2000s manga+show about the two twenty-year-olds who meet on a train and discover they’re both called nana is also pretty gay! to the point where there are heated fandom debates about nana komatsu’s (pink one) possibly being a lesbian. they both have many relationships with guys, but it’s their bond that forms the heart of the show, and the bisexuality (or, who knows, homosexuality) of the leads is pretty undeniable. to the point where you’ll get blasted on the nana subreddit if you try and suggest otherwise.

the wild-card section:

keep your hands off eizouken!

this is a show about three oddball girls who start a club to create anime, but have to pose as the film club instead for various reasons. it’s not even subtextually gay, I just personally think that all three of the leads are gay and the whole thing feels like a very female-centred creative endeavour. hugely fun watch, and very high production values. you wouldn’t regret seeing it.

skip & loafer

these two you see here are side characters. this show is actually about mitsumi, the greatest female protagonist of this kind of shoujo-esque slice of life show, who moves from the countryside to tokyo for high school. here she meets many a misfit, including the pretty blonde and the nerd girl who have undeniable chemistry and form one of the most popular pairings in the show. it’s just a good time.

chihayafuru

I’d get in trouble for this, because the primary romance factor in the show is a famed heterosexual love triangle with chihaya at its centre and her two male childhood friends at the side. but go with me on this. chihaya is oblivious to romance and feminine socialisation, she is obsessed with a card game and with her equally dorky dark-haired rival… she’s anime’s greatest autistic lesbian lead. and you get more than what you pay for, because the two boys I mentioned? a lot of gay stuff going on there too.

the big-screen-cinematic section:

the adolescence of utena

revolutionary girl returns in the sequel of a lifetime, slightly older (sixteen, say) and gayer than ever, to escape this place with the love of her life. cue the impromptu dance sequence (with stars and rose petals)!

liz and the blue bird

the naoko yamada directed gay cinematic universe continues with a gorgeous film starring two of the side characters from sound! euphonium’s second season (not necessary to watch beforehand). that means it has plausible deniability whilst being so crazily gay it’s almost some kind of joke. this is a highly detailed, laser-focused character study of two girls in their high school band club and their ever more strained relationship. yamada never misses.

the summer

this is korean! it’s about two girls who meet at school and start dating in secret, what happens as they grow up and move to seoul, and how their relationship changes and strains when met with the conservatism of contemporary korean society. it was sweet and like aoi hana above for japanese girls, felt pretty frank to the experiences I’d imagine young korean lesbians might have.

puella magi madoka magica: rebellion

if you’re a fan of the show, you probably don’t talk about this movie. sure, it’s a visual feat, sure, it’s insanely entertaining, but it’s also frustrating and upsetting and potentially undermines the neatness of the original as a perfectly-crafted story. BUT. kyouko/sayaka becomes all but canon in it, and everything else aside, that’s all that really matters. but you should definitely watch the show beforehand.

[t4tails]

okay i watched all 43 minutes of the james somerton apology video at 1.5x speed, heres a summary for those who dont want to time sink:

- the video is monetized, he says hes giving it all to hbomb so it can go to the people he stole from but the way he words this implies he did not ask him ahead of time. the same allegedly goes for the other videos up on his channel, which are also up because he wants his editor to have a resume to point to

- apologizes for the plagiarism less than 5 minutes in. thanks the people who were nice to him

- says part of why he plagiarized was because hes aware hes a cis white gay man and wanted to be more inclusive of other queer experiences

- but that he has memory issues so he didnt remember to source them a lot of the time. blames this on a head injury as a child and its resulting epilepsy, as well as his recently diagnosed adhd

- also states there was a lot of stress due to his mom dying because she wanted him to make a movie with his portion of her life insurance

- a comical string of errors occured where he would write a script only to realize half way through they couldnt film it. this went on for years until apparently they finally finished one on the night the hbomb vid dropped. this takes up like 15 minutes

- talks at length about how he tried to kill himself and how scared he is of unhinged people who watched hbombs vid

- james will soon be releasing a new video, which according to him will be entirely by him and properly cited. says its more of a documentary than a video essay

- mentions his past videos misinformation but doesnt say what it was over. says it wasnt malicious and they werent trying to lie

- made a new patreon so people have to explicitly resubscribe after this scandal. says this video is not about him promoting himself despite having done a lot of that for the past 15 minutes

- says theres no excuse for what he did despite making excuses earlier in the video

- wants to make a documentary about the author of the celluloid closet, one of the books he stole from

- says "i know its easier to watch a 20-30 minute long youtube video than read a book" when he is under fire for plagiarizing books in his 20-30 minute long youtube videos

he does not mention:

- his misogyny & his responses to previous allegations of plagiarism from smaller creators

- probably other stuff i dont remember

youre welcome

[postersofleon]

Just Like The Beatles

Being in a band with three men while being a lonely girl would sound difficult, but you all managed to make it work. You four tried to use bonding exercises to avoid issues, which included livestreams with fans or smoked weed in private. When you joking said, you should do that infamous Beatle game in Hamburg. You didn't expect them to accept.

content: smut

notes: afab fem!reader; 'bonding' with the boys; um, i can't explain; luis x leon x chris x you; man on man action; modern au; ooc characters; SMUTTY. like there is no plot at all. minors, i know i can't control you, but... this is a sexual situation. if i say, don't read this, you are stubborn and will still try. I'm trying to finish all my long stuff to not overwhelm myself.

taglist: @argreion

The digital clock counted another minute. All the hotel room heard was the breathing of each member of the group. Luis's brown eyes looked at each of his members. This wasn't gay, right? He took a deep breath, "Do you have your dildo?" He wanted to make sure this was perfect for their dumb new activity of the day.

You groaned softly, "I, I got it." You showed your pink toy to your friends. Leon's cheeks turned a bit red but he stayed focused on the mission. Chris nodded his head as well. "Okay, so, how did the Beatles do it again?" He asked softly.

"Well, it was a masturbating game," Leon mumbled softly, "They jacked their dicks together as they yelled out names. Lennon mentioned Churchill but they still... had to cum."

Yeah, this was basically insane.

You nodded your head and took off your bathrobe, showing at least a bit of your breasts and raised your bottom side of it. "I'm ready, I guess." Luis swallowed when he saw your boobs, "I still don't know how this is bonding exercise." He felt himself just getting hard by seeing his lead singer's breasts.

Chris sighed, "Well, if it weren't for her research the Beatles," He rubbed his thighs and pulled out his limp dick, "And you two bozos accepting it. We could've just done a stupid Tiktok trend."

Leon rolled his eyes, "It sounded like a good idea. You saw what music the Beatles did."

"Yeah, until they broke up." Chris muttered.

Leon pulled out his own half harden dick, "No wonder we don't have girlfriends." Leon looked at everyone half naked side. Your pussy and your dildo slowly rubbing it gently to make it wet. Leon groaned, "Fuck, this is definitely a bad idea."

Luis groaned, "Don't judge, I didn't shave." He showed his and he had a bunch of pubes were just there.

"This is so gay." Leon mumbled.

"Forget it." You said, "Now, we have to figure out how to get properly aroused to play the game."

The four idiots looked at each other. Luis saw Chris's dick and Leon's... and soon your cunt. He gently rubbed his to raise it up. "I'm... I'm really trying, eh." He grunt softly.

You closed your eyes for a second and rubbed your dildo on your tits. You clicked on the end of it, and it began to buzz. You focused the buzzing on your nipples and moved it up and down. Leon, Chris, and Luis were just enjoying the how you looked. Leon's legs opened, and he whined softly as his hips buckled.

Chris's eyes followed how the dildo just played around your body.

"I'm wet." You said.

I'm hard." Luis muttered, trying to keep it nice and steady.

Leon nodded his head as he removed his bathrobe. The trio without shame looked at Leon. Leon was a soft version of hot compared to Chris and Luis. Leon had body hair, but he trimmed most of the guys.

Chris was struggling a bit. He sighed, "I can't." The trio looked up at their leader. "Why not?" You asked. Keeping yourself wet sucked as your fingers began to rub your clit to assure it. Chris groaned, "I just don't jack off a lot. I don't even like watch porn."

Leon, Luis, and you had a guilty look.

"It-it's fine. Let's play, and maybe Chris will get hard from... something." Leon knew either way, Chris will feel it. The dildo entered your hole and pumped the toy in and out. "First name..." You whispered softly.

"Albert Wesker." Leon started easy. Everyone from the band knew Wesker was hot whenever they liked it or not. You pinched your nipples as you focused on the idea of Wesker pumping his dick in you. Leon's hand rubbed his tip and moaned softly until his wrist moved up and down his shaft.

Luis rubbed his happy trail and slowly began and avoided his tip. His pre cum began to bubble from his tip. Even if Chris wasn't masturbating, he had Wesker in mind. Chris began to rubbed gently his thighs to raise himself to play the game. Next name.

"Jill Valentine?" Luis said in a questioning tone. Jill was more taboo than Wesker. They respected her.

You pumped the dildo slower for Jill. "Mm, Jill would be so nice..." The men agreed. Leon's butt clenched a bit; he groaned weakly, trying to catch his breath.

Next name. It was your turn but you were too focused on riding your toy. "Hey, your turn." Chris tried to be the bigger adult, but seeing your body squirm around your body. Your cunt clenching on the pink toy...

"Um," You were forced to think. You saw how your band members were just pumping their dicks, it made your stomach feel weak. Your eyes trailed down how Leon masturbated compared to Chris and Luis.

Chris did it as he made a mission. He wasn't completely relaxing as his hand pumped it over and over. His eyes were hazy. Luis was more loving in a way, his legs were wide and kept nothing hidden. His cock was red and needy, but he kept it more under control.

Leon was groaning and making more noise as he pumped his cock. "C'mon, hurry up..." He moaned.

"Leon..." You moaned back.

Your cheeks burned, but you looked at them. All of them needing them a bit more than expected. In a way, everyone knew the game was over as they stood up and crowded Anya. It wasn't the usually friendly stuff they did. It was focused around lust. Luis kept his cock close your face as he pumped it faster. Luis put gently his tip around your lips and traced them together. He hissed weakly before placing his hot cock inside your mouth.

Leon removed your toy from your cunt and got down his knees and saw his lead singer's wetness pour down. "Chris..." Leon's index finger traced down her pussy lips, Chris went down on his knees as well.

Your eyes wanted to look down, but Luis basically was thrusting his cock in your mouth. Chris and Leon opened your legs and went in. Chris kissed your thighs and Leon lick gave small little licks directly from the hole. Making sure to not make the hotel chair dirty. Well, that was his mind set around it. Leon's free hand was still pumping his cock. All Chris can do is see how they went at it.

Leon's tongue moved around your folds and your pretty hole. Collecting all it can. He grabbed your hips tightly, his hot breath against your cunt as his nose rubbed you. Your hand grabbed Leon's hair and tugged on it hard.

Leon whined softly. Luis didn't even focus at the men at your feet. He caressed your cheeks as you took him in.

Your drool traveled down your tits as you moaned like a pathetic toy. Luis slapped your tits and held them, "Fuck, fuck, si..." He grunted weakly.

Leon looked up at you and noticed all the wetness collecting on your pretty cunt. Chris groaned, "This sucks..." His eyes widen when he saw how Luis had you, "We need a better position." He whispered softly. Luis grinned, "Ye-yeah, I need to keep this mouth on my dick..." Leon pressed his nose on your clit before licking it again.

Luis pulled out. You coughed loudly, finally catching your breath. Chris needed to think fast.

Chris stood up and gently kissed your lips. "Can you handle it?" He whispered softly. Your eyes soften, "I can try." You didn't want neither of them left out. He smiled. Despite being the biggest of the three, he was gentle and knew his strength. Leon was accidentally too rough, he didn't mean to, but his strength came into place.

You were carefully placed on the bed into doggy. It felt embarrassing until you felt Chris slowly press his cock around your folds. In front of you, Luis and Leon's cocks were on your face. Luis caressed the top of your head, "Good thing we don't have a concert tomorrow, huh?" Leon smiled too, "We'll be gentle." You knew could trust your drummer and your base player.

Chris grabbed your hips and slowly began to thrust. He groaned weakly. He gently squeezed your butt. Luis and Leon gently shoved their cock into your mouth. They were expecting a blowjob. Just your mouth on them. You groaned softly when you felt Chris's fingertips hold your hip tightly. Luis groaned softly, "Leon, I think we have to handle it ourselves."

Leon whined softly. Luis kissed your lips, "When Chris is done, it'll be our turn." Luis sighed softly, "It's going to end up gay."

"Actually, like Marlon Brando," Leon said, "He slept with men and women to ease himself." Luis sighed softly, "I can't believe we are the same age."

Leon rolled his eyes until he felt Luis's lips on his. Chris thrusted deeper into you, pinning you as he pushed you arched back down. Chris groaned softly as his large arms held your waist. Chris kissed your cheek, his dick was slamming in and out of you. Luis and Leon were just happily making out on the bed in front of you. You gasped weakly once Chris rubbed your clit as he kept and kept going. Your squirmed a bit, kicking your feet a bit, "Chris!" You yelped loudly. Chris rubbed your clit faster, "Sa-save that voice."

You whined loudly, you couldn't take it anymore.

It was too simulating. Seeing Leon's and Luis's cock drag against each other. Bumping into each other. Chris's own cock pumping you, your kicked around, "Chris..." Chris grabbed you and sat you up. His hands grabbed your hips as he moved you up and down.

Leon and Luis were in their own heaven as they gently kissed. Luis' hand caressed Leon's hips and pulled him closer, Luis grabbed Leon's blond hair and pulled him close. Leon moaned softly, his eyes fluttered a bit trying to see Luis, but his mind was stuck on the kiss. Leon pumped their dicks together with the pace Chris had in you. Luis cursed weakly, his hips moved up a bit trying to feel more of Leon.

Your toes curled up, your back arched that specific way and it was takeaway on Chris's actions. Chris rubbed gently your stomach, "C'mon... Luis and Leon need you like I do..." Your eyes weakly looked at how their tips' pre-cum were sticking together. "Mm, need..." You whispered softly. You wanted to choke on them, but you weren't thinking clear and Chris knew so. "Later." His fingers rubbed your clit again, little by little it went faster and faster. Until you released. Your cunt clenched around Chris's cock and attempted to squeeze all of him, but Chris thought it double and wore a rubber. Even Luis and Leon made a mess on Luis's stomach, they all gasped for air for a bit.

You laid on the bed, and Chris held you from the back. Luis and Leon soon followed. Holding each other tightly to give comfort. Luis groaned softly, "So, now what? Is this part of our bonding now?" Guess the Beatles were kind of right.

[ranticore]

Now that you mentioned it in the tags; I really enjoyed how you did the queerness of characters in-text and I saw you mentioned more than once before how they consider/call themselves gay or anything and I was wondering if you'd be willing to elaborate on that (in Ironwall, MVF etc), but more from a writing standpoint than a worldbuilding one. Hope Im making sense lol

i looked up the invention of the word 'homosexuality' and found that it was invented 6 years after stbh is set

ghksjdg i mean there's more to it than that but it meant that my language was constrained, which also means that the characters' language is constrained as well. i have to think about ways i want this to come across to the reader. at the time i was thinking about how the basic concept of "btw this character is not straight/cis" is communicated in some of the stories i'd read, and one that stood out to me was a comic i read in a fully fantasy setting where the writer brought the narrative to a juddering halt to explain exactly how gender & sexuality are handled by the people here. as in the characters essentially turn to the camera and give the main character a lecture. i really didn't like it, the author's hand was too visible behind the panels.

but i took it as a learning exercise as well on what i didn't want to do. i didn't like the neon signs pointing at any instance of non-heteronormativity and i also don't like stories that market themselves based on the characters' gender identities, particularly stories which do not involve a coming-of-age/character learns to discover themselves narrative. it's a book about two trans men but it's not a book about being trans. that's none of the reader's business, that's hidden from you (particularly in islin's case, intentionally). i never wanted to foster a sense of voyeurism towards trans people particularly knowing that most readers, statistically, will not be trans. crucially the characters are stealth to literally everybody but like 3 people. their transition is done.

i never wanted a coming out moment, or an "i'm here i'm queer" moment either - not even because Society in the setting just because i don't like those things. to completely normalise it in the narrative between these characters is the goal - almost to the point of never even pointing it out at all except when it has to be. the vibe i wanted was like... hanging out in not necessarily a gay space, but with gay people, talking about random other stuff. i didn't even like the One coming out scene i had to put in (senca being like "i only fuck women" to bowman so that he would stop hitting on her)

so when writing i had a pretty good idea of what i didn't want. for the setting i had some strict rules to follow as well. characters would not identify as gay or bisexual or even some fantasy equivalent because those were not identities, they were acts. and heterosexuality wasn't an identity either, it wasn't even "the natural way of things", it was the means by which wealth could transfer between generations. if you do not marry, then you are not conforming to your gender. the four unmarriagable men in mvf are all denied entry to normative manhood for many de-gendering factors (disability, unmanly hobbies, vow of chastity, etc) but the culmination of those factors is that they can't marry, which is the whole POINT of being a man. three of them are entirely denied generational wealth - forcing them into poverty (it's not a coincidence that gay people are overrepresented in the criminal organisation)

from a writing standpoint this leaves them in a grey zone. when writing i tried out different language to see if it read nice to me (19th century equivalents to 'boyfriend' etc) and they all rang quite false, because outside of the whole 'can we put a label on something that doesn't officially exist in society' thing, the characters themselves are not the types of people to think that way. Bowman was dating Léa but he was never dating Félix. you can't date another man. the only people who date men are women, and Bowman is not a woman. therefore he is not dating Félix. to give just one example. ultimately for the language used i found that just leaving it as-is worked the best for me.

so after working all that out i wrote tha thing and then wanted to kind of explore - at what point does it become romantic? is there an actual border between romantic and platonic when you've kind of already fallen between the cracks in society into the grey zone where nothing is defined because it doesn't affirm the power of the ruling class. and in these particular friendships, where they've already been all things to one another, they've already done everything together, good or bad, does adding 'romantic love' to that list of things wildly recontextualise it retroactively or does anything change at all? just like the ending reveal of stbh says: who actually is the guy we've been thinking of as 'félix ortega' ? does it recontextualise everything we've just read? no, right? (or does it?)

the usual 'will-they-won't-they' romance plot isn't a factor in the book, we already know they will, they have, they won't, and they refuse to, all at once.

(jean-baptiste thinks of himself as an invert because he is Learned and has read some fascinating journal articles about cutting-edge sexology, and his relation to his sexuality is very very different. it's not something he shares with his closest friends in spaces without scrutiny; his entire life is scrutinised and his social system is predicated on marriage. like i think i said in the book, probably, i don't remember: he and renard are two guys clinging to the same life raft. they hate each other! but if you push the other guy off the life raft, then you're just one guy alone at sea, forever.)

[zahri-melitor]

I know you've all been waiting for this one: Sum of Our Parts (yes I finally got to Meghan Fitzmartin).

The very first thing I'll say: yeah, I see why DC commissioned more stuff from her after getting this and seeing the response. It's a solid opening showing her ability to write Tim.

There were a lot of moving parts that needed to be re-established and tidied up in this story, and I can see the list being worked through:-

Name: being very clear Tim is currently Robin, because since Tynion's 'Tec run ended, his name and costume have been varying by who is writing him with very little consistency.

Tim not going to university: this probably did need a push back on, because Tynion just waved the door open on that again during Joker War.

The fact that Tim and Steph are broken up (sort of essential for the plot being told)

Playing with the themes of moving on from Robin (but in this case using it as a frame to actually be the bait and switch that it's coming out instead)

Bernard is clearly an OC from the ground up who shares a name and hair colour with his previous existence. Which, look, Bernard was a pretty thin character with basically two personality traits (conspiracy theorist/trying really hard to project cool), and it is of course fairly arguable that Bernard was projecting a front at 16 that he no longer needs now he's accepted his identity. But it would be nice to have that conveyed in the text, rather than something you infer to try and connect two characters who are otherwise unalike. Especially given how much of the story is Tim reflecting on himself.

Even a line or two more about how he doesn't feel the need for a front anymore to line up with Tim having revelations. "Tell Tim Drake...he helped me realise my true self. Who I am" is nice enough but it could still use some more acknowledgement of how that changed his personality. It's just this nice parallel that could have helped develop the themes more securely. There's a bunch of possible implications you can read into the story (particularly in terms of how the Dowd parents really ARE characterised lightly as Fanon Drakes, between the polite fronts and implications that Bernard was previously abused at home in this) and this is one of the things that while I don't mind how much of this story Fitzmartin was telling via implication, a few more concrete things confirmed would have helped.

If I were going to make a solid stab of a guess at what sections of Robin Fitzmartin liked/reread in the lead into writing this, I honestly think it was Fabian Nicieza's Robin run (and probably parts of Red Robin). It's just...a lot of the characterisation has some very similar notes to it. Tim's got the same sort of smug confident edge to his internal commentary, the ways his skills are portrayed, and Detective Williams even reminds me quite a bit of Officer Jamie Harper. (I don't think she actually looked back over Willingham).

It's also very much a coming out story, and I do appreciate in that Fitzmartin does try to be delicate about it and doesn't whack you over the head with the bluntest lines possible (I just suffered through that in Infinite Frontier #0 with Alan Scott and good god did I cringe the entire way through the 'yes while you are my biological children and I have indeed been married. to women. I am gay. Listen to me come out.'), the amount of implied themes she levels through it is still substantial. It could have used slightly more focus on the actual underlying mystery.

I can also see the start of the situation where the story needs to decide whether Bernard Knows or Doesn't Know. Because both states would allow for situations with a lot of drama (and potentially identity shenanigans which are the best shenanigans), but just having it as sort of vacillating in the middle as something that doesn't need to be investigated? It's leaving a lot of potential storytelling on the floor that could instead be used to send Tim through the wringer. (Also Tim wow half of that cult probably could have figured out your identity, you weren't subtle)

Look, I don't think this story contained the greatest Barbara Gordon characterisation ever written, but it was within the bounds of overly-interfering, self-righteous and pushy Babs, which is something that does pop up at times. It felt in conversation with her characterisation in Batgirl 2009, and while I don't LIKE the way Babs is written in it, especially in regards to Steph, it makes sense in terms of the direction DC was pivoting at this point in terms of leading into the whole Batgirls title.

Fitzmartin was also clearly using Steph characterisation from very late Robin/BFTC/start of Red Robin, when they were fighting, in terms of how she's trying to have Steph needle at Tim's sore points, and set up a dichotomy of 'Steph has it together/Tim does not'.

And yes, Belén Ortega's art is very, VERY pretty.

[feyd-meowtha]

@middlingmay's Fic Rec Questions

I saw this list and thought it would be fun to give it a go!!

1) Fic that's made you laugh the most

He May Be The Reason by @c-goldthorn. It's a Clegan Notting Hill au and it makes me squeal with delight. So cute that I got distracted while reading it and missed my stop on the train.

2) A fic that made you cry

my kingdom for a kiss upon your shoulder by pillar of our community @swifty-fox. I'm sure most ppl have probably read this one but it's such an amazing post-show continuation that really doesn't pull it's punches when it comes to both PTSD and the realities of being gay in the 40s

3) Fave comfort, silly fic

It's a little rogue but I'm gonna say Awake, Alive by the wonderful @whirlpool-blogs. It's a pet sematary au so not exactly what you would call traditionally comforting but the ending makes me so happy and the whole thing is just a joy. The fact that this came to mind when I thought 'comfort fic' is probably pretty telling about me as a person....

4) The fic that made you try a genre or trope that you don't usually read

This is also a bit rogue but it was tricky since I'll read anything, so I'll go with Strings of the Strings of Life by the lovely @weimarweekly, not because of any of the content but because I don't, as a general rule, read Dune fic that was written after Dune 2 released. I've bored everyone to tears with my complaints about that version of Feyd but it is what it is so I tend not to like any fics written about that version of the character BUT the prospect of a feydpaul Berlin techno au was too delicious to resist and the whole fic is so fun. It makes me miss Germany sooo bad.

5) An author who has inspired your own fic writing

This one has got to go to the anonymous author of both Close And Yet Closer and The Replacement. Both of these fics are god tier and their character psychology and willingness to allow their versions of the characters and relationships to be ugly and messy are so inspiring to me. They were also the first person in the John/Hausman tag on ao3 which is currently just me and them. I think about the replacement all the time and it was a HUGE influence on 3am Eternal. If I can ever write half as well as them I will die happy.

6) What are your fave underdog authors? Those that you feel are underappreciated and deserve a bit more love

Hmmm, this is kinda hard cus the MOTA fandom is pretty small so I feel like a lot of stuff gets decent buzz. Imma shout out @whirlpool-blogs again and especially their fucked up clegans fics, I have read and reread all of their works and they're always so so good. I will also add @steeseman for Up In Our Bedroom. It's another great post-canon fic and while it has a lot of hits, I don't think I've seen anyone talking about it on here.

7) What's one thing you wish writers/readers did more of when it comes to fanfiction.

The obvious one is comment, it really does make my day when I get a nice comment, even just a couple words or an emoji mean a lot. The other thing I would say is writing curt/Kenny fic, there's not much out there and I want more please. Also more fics where characters relationships are like genuinely kind of fucked up and toxic. I love that shit.

8) What's one thing you wish writers/readers did less of when it comes to fanfiction.

Oh man, I really do not know. The only thing I can think of is that I hate the word 'yap' or 'yapping' so if I see it in a fic I shudder. Hmmmm, I guess I also wish that there was a little more consideration when writing Gale's dad as an alcoholic because it's often treated as the basis for him being a shitty person. Addicts aren't automatically bad people and I sometimes feel like it's portrayed that way. @blixabargelds wrote an excellent post on this

9) I'm adding an extra one and that is current WIPs I am reading

Sympathy For The Devil by @blixabargelds, it's a modern ghost hunting AU and the set up is AMAZING. I will also throw Superstar in here even though it's not releasing main story chapters yet, everything Frankie writes is so tailored to my personal tastes it's crazy and I am so excited to read @mildharm's John POV chapters too. Literally foaming at the mouth thinking about it rn. When it starts being released fully, I fear it may kill me.

Love Song From A Dog and The Heart Is A Muscle by @swifty-fox. I've only just started THIAM but I'm so hyped for their take on the tattoo shop/flower shop au.

Hit Me Where The Heart Is by @london-cowboy makes me legitimately insane. I jump for joy whenever there is a new update, these versions of the characters and their stories are, as Paris Hilton would say, beyond. I do not have the words to say how much I am loving this fic. The characters and setting feel so real and it's just so creative. AMAZING.

I need to get around to starting let us not desert one another; we are an injured body and also the time skip fic whose name escapes me by @irregularcollapse and also catching up with @weimarweekly's rodeo fic, Looking For Eight

Writing this was very fun and I encourage anyone reading to give it a go if they fancy it!!

[petrssecrethideout]

I'd hoped I would get at least a few days of peace after having to move back in with my dad, but within a few hours I heard honking outside the house. I waited for it to die down as I unpacked my stuff, before going outside to see the one person I couldn't face.

I knew Hunter better than anyone, but now i barely recognized him. the man in front of me had hundreds of pounds on the man I left, his bulk replaced with cut muscle. He had grown a beard too, changed his haircut. He looked so good it made my stomach turn.

"Took you long enough," Hunter said, lounging in his truck bed. I could see the flare of his lats even as he relaxed. "What the hell were you doing?"

"Unpacking," I said trying not to show any guilt or discomfort "What do you want?"

Hunter responded by tapping the tailgate, a motion that just meant to come sit down. I did without thinking, just like i had seen him do for me. It was the most common thing we used to do, besides almost get caught fucking. It was just nice to... talk.

Now, I could feel the body heat radiating off of him as I leaned back against his arm, feeling his bicep against my back. I'd never been so close to so much muscle in my life. I was in awe, mostly just confused on how it happened. I looked down to see his shorts, the only thing he was wearing, were much shorter than I was used to. He used to be afraid of wearing anything that cut off above the knee, too afraid of "looking gay". He must've changed a lot.

"So, how have you been?"

"Pretty good," Hunter said his accent just as thick as ever. "I got a job down at the the steel factory that pays pretty well, and I'm going to the gym again. I think I might be the biggest guy there now."

"I'll say! How the hell did that happen?" I exclaimed.

"Well," Hunter "One of my buddies told me about this Mutant Juice stuff, and I just thought it was some kinda hoax, but it was fucking crazy. Expensive as hell, but I think I'm getting my money's worth. I thought I'd just stop after a round or two, but at this point I think I'm just gonna keep growing until it stops working. Just get real fucking big, bigger than anyone else around here. Maybe I could even be on the ads for this stuff, flexing all of this muscle wearing almost nothing. I think I'd look pretty good like that, don't you?"

He knew what he was doing, and it was working. I needed to feel him, to hold him, to rip those shorts off and just have him again, but something still stopped me.

"You like all of these muscles?" Hunter said, reading my expression. He slowly bounced his pecs. "You always did stare at me a lot. God, did I love it. Still do. Something about the looks you give makes me feel like a fucking beast."

I could feel my dick straining my pants, begging for release. I couldn't do that, not yet. I had to find something else to talk about.

"How's your family?" I asked, veering the conversation away form anything too horny.

the words poured out of my mouth, but it immediately got Hunter to stop bouncing his pecs. Something in his expression changed, he looked... pissed.

"We haven't talked in almost a year. After you left without a word I told them, and... it didn't go well. I got a place of my own after a while." Hunter said

"You weren't..." I could feel my own heart shattering. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. I was the weird one, the freak. His life was perfectly mapped out, just like all of the men around here that had come before him. A decent job, a christian marriage, kids before 25. He had a happy life ahead of him, and I selfishly ruined that.

"I didn't stop being gay when you left. Even if that's what you wanted." Hunter said, his voice filled with a cold anger. "I was just...alone."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I tried to blink them away, before I felt his arm wrap around me and pull me towards his torso. the feeling of being in a hug of his was enough to get me to cry.

"I missed you." I said.

"I missed you too." Hunter replied as he sniffled from crying. "Y'know, for someone so smart I don't know why you sent that letter. Dear Hunter, I love you, I'll never forget the time we had, but please forget about me. I can't ruin your life. What the hell did you think was gonna happen?"

"I was trying to be all poetic, and self-sacrificial, and... yeah it was bullshit but I thought I was corrupting you. I still kind of do."

"You ain't doing shit. All you did was help me figure out who I actually wanted to be, which is gay and fuckin' massive. I'm just glad I can finally do both of those things now without anyone telling me I can't."

My head nuzzled into his neck as I thought about the man I was currently holding growing even larger. My hands couldn't even fully reach around his back as it was, what was I going to do if It got even wider?

"I'm glad to have you back, even if it won't be forever." Hunter said.

"Maybe next time you could come with me?" I asked, a question I knew would get shot down the last time we talked. He loved his family, and his hometown too much to ever leave, but he had changed a lot since I left.

"Sure. we'll do it together."

[letteredlettered]

Hi Im sure you answered this already but i sadly cant find it: how did end up shipping or rather writing drarry fics?

I've actually been asked quite a few times why I ship H/D. I never answer, because it's complicated and long and I have an essay on the subject, so I'll answer the 'how' question without addressing the 'why'.

Once upon a time, the internet was becoming a thing that people used regularly. The news kept talking about how the youths of the day were "surfing the 'net" and this was going to be the new normal. As usual, I could not identify with the 'youths of the day,' even though I was one. What could possibly be of interest to me on the internet? Reading books was far better than talking to other people. Then one day in my senior year of high school it dawned on me that you could possibly talk to other people about books, something I had never done before, as I didn't know anyone but my parents and brothers who ever read for fun, and my parents and brothers did not like to read things like Jane Austen. What if there were people on the 'net who liked Jane Austen??? Seemed fake, but I gave it a try.

The first Jane Austen website I found was Republic of Pemberley, which hosted something they called "Bits of Ivory." Through the "Ramble" board on Republic of Pemberley, I found out that there were "Bits of Ivory" elsewhere. It was called fanfic and hosted on fanfic.net.

Almost all of it that I was introduced to was Harry Potter fic, as HP was the megafandom of the time, and my Sense and Sensibility friend was obsessed with Snape, mainly because of Alan Rickman. I was also obsessed with Snape, though I must say that even though I had been obsessed with Alan Rickman since 1995, I never did like his casting as Snape and still don't. Anyway, I ended up getting interested in Snape/Hermione fic, and continued to be interested on and off for over the next five years.

I should pause at this moment to say that I had been writing fanfic since the fourth grade. I didn't know it was called fic. I didn't know other people did it. It never occurred to me to share it. When I found "Bits of Ivory" it actually took me a while to process that the stories there were in a similar vein to the stories I had been writing all my life, stories based on fiction by other people. It was just so wild to me that anyone would share that stuff, as though other people would want to read the different endings that they came up with, the self-inserts and the cross-overs they came up with.

I should also take this moment to say that I didn't really have slash ships. I was aware that slash existed, and I thought it was great. Sirius/Remus was a background ship everywhere at the time, and even though I didn't really see it in canon and wasn't terribly interested in it, I thought it was a nice thing. And when I started getting into X-Men through Wolverine/Rogue, it seemed obvious to me that Professor X and Magneto had a past sexual relationship. I, in fact, had an original story that I'd started writing in eleventh grade that had similar tension between two male characters, and the idea that they were in love and unable to have sex about it explained so much. And I wrote more original stories in college that were gay.

I think my problem was that the canons I was consuming were quite straight, and while I wasn't obsessed with writing canon-compliant fics, I was (and still am, to some extent) obsessed with writing characters who were true to canon. At the time sexuality seemed some kind of immutable thing to me that was deeply a part of who a character was. Also, sex to me was very Other; it meant something really deep and serious about you that obliterated other things you were. For instance, I was frustrated with all the Frodo/Sam porn, because I felt it obliterated their beautiful friendship and made their relationship about sex and being gay rather than the deep pure bond of friendship. So I was maybe kind of homophobic and confused.

Then I fell in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and while that canon has a lot of heteronormativity, it not only has a character who thought she was straight who realizes she's gay, it also has vampires who have lived for centuries and who have broken every kind of social norm that exists. It seemed silly to me to assume that Spike or Angel were straight, which is how I began shipping Spike/Angel, which is how I got absolutely obsessed with slash. It was so liberating to write porn where the power dynamic wasn't influenced by centuries of patriarchy! It was so liberating to write porn where I didn't have to think about my own anatomy or gender or position in a sexual dynamic! It was so liberating to write porn with a bunch of dicks!

Having discovered slash, I turned back to ye olde faithful fandom, which had ten billion fics about everything. I'm not sure I even tried Sirius/Remus, because I was still so uninterested in it, but now I read all the Snape slash, the majority of which seemed to be Harry/Snape. The thing is, I don't ship Harry/Snape. It can be very hot! But while the porn is fine and some of the stories are fun, these are not two people that I want to live happily ever after. I just think that the power dynamic between them, the history they have, and the personalities they are do not make me want to imagine them as a couple with a happy marriage who occasionally have the friends over for games of Quidditch and Exploding Snap. And while I like queer complicated, angsty stories, I also like a happy ending in a semi-heteronormative sense, especially for Harry Potter, who really seems to want one. So, I started looking for other Harry Potter slash.

I knew that Harry/Draco was a juggernaut pairing, but I just hated Draco Malfoy so much. I honestly could not stand him. I used to go about saying that I hated him not only as a person (like, I also hated Snape as a person; he's a dick, and he's cruel to children! But he's a great character) but as a character. I just didn't like the function he played in the narrative. I like big, dramatic rivalries and evil vs good; meanwhile, Draco Malfoy is a little worm. So I kept thinking about reading HP slash, but resisting.

Then, one day, I was sleeping on the couch, and woke up suddenly with the idea that Draco Malfoy could be reformed. He could be sorry for all the shitty things he's done! He could be really apologetic! He could be really trying to make up for his past, and Harry could find this truly beautiful, and they could have sex about it!

Surprisingly, it was hard to find fic about this. For some reason, in most of the fic, it was Harry having to earn Malfoy's approval, instead of the other way around, which I found absolutely bonkers. But I eventually found Eclipse, by Mijan, which was just what I wanted. Then I was obsessed and was reading every Harry/Draco fic I could find.

Eventually, I even read the ones in which Harry was a cad and Draco Malfoy was a perfect snowflake who never did anything wrong. And then I started finding fics that really emphasized that Draco had a very different point of view of what happened, which showed that he really had no way to understand who Harry was, or what Harry had been through. In these fics, Harry had to do some work to understand Draco, which is what really sold me on the pairing. I still want fics in which Draco has to do a lot of heavy lifting to address his past and deal with the hurt he has caused and the violence of his previously genocidal outlook, but I love it when Harry, too, has to adjust. After saving the world and losing most people he loves and protecting the innocent and doing his exhausted little best to be honest and righteous and true, Harry Potter still has to do work, again, to overcome his past and find a peaceful life. And that's what made me start writing Harry/Draco, the end.

[fern-funtime]

| True Blue | ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊✩°｡⋆˚⁺

wc: 1,089

pairing: Navia x fem! reader

warnings: a little sad, beautiful gay women <3

an: this is kinda bad. i had major writer's block but i started it so i had to finish it, i hope it's good enough to read. oh and happy pride month everyone ･ ͜ʖ ･ -Fern xo ♡

To say you were upset was an understatement, the girl you were in love with was a few feet away from you with a man. A man who was confessing his love.

A man you didn't even know. He gave her flowers and a very expensive necklace, the blue stones matched her eyes perfectly. Jealousy is a very strong emotion and it was overwhelming you by now. All you wanted to do was leave and rot in your bed but you didn't want to leave her, you guys were in the middle of a conversation. It was awkward, you shift in your spot and try to pay them no mind but you feel hurt. You think about how happy she looks, how beautiful.

After a few more minutes she comes back with a big smile.

"Did you see all that?" She laughs while awkwardly holding the bouquet. You gave her a fake smile

"Yeah." you try to be happy for her.

She sighs and plays with her necklace. "Isn't he charming." you feel your heart break slightly. "He seems nice." your words come out less emotional than you wanted. "Are you okay?" she asks softly.

"I don't think I'm feeling well." in response to this she moves her hand to your forehead. "You are kind of warm, you should get some rest."

You smile at her and say goodbye, but not before she gives you a big hug. All you can smell is her perfume and the vibrant roses she was gifted. "I hope you feel better Y/n." she spoke with sincere words.

You felt so guilty for being mad when she's so kind to you. You were now in bed doing exactly what you wanted earlier. You had been crying, your eyes are puffy and your heart is melting into the bed with the rest of your body. How could she ever love you. He doesn't deserve her yet you certainly don't. Maybe he's the love of her life, she'll be happy with him.

Happier than she would have with you.

You didn't even notice you tell asleep until a knock wakes you up. You notice it's now night and you can feel the dried tears on your cheeks. You slowly get up and groggily walk to the door. You open the door and you're met with Navia. She's holding a container and a bag of her belongings. She gives you a big smile and you move aside and let her in.

She walks in and places her stuff down "How are you feeling?" you watch her as she puts her stuff down.

It's muscle memory at this point, there's never a week where she doesn't come over and spend the night at least once.

You didn't even notice you fell asleep until a knock wakes you up. You notice it's now night and you can feel the dried tears on your cheeks. You slowly get up and groggily walk to the door. You open the door and you're met with Navia. She's holding a container and a bag of her belongings. She gives you a big smile and you move aside and let her in.

She walks in and places her stuff down "How are you feeling?" you watch her as she puts her stuff down.

It's muscle memory at this point, there's never a week where she doesn't come over and spend the night at least once.

"Better." you smile at her. A genuine smile this time, you're really happy to be with her right now even if its not in the way you want.

"I made you soup, it's my dads recipe." She grabs a bowl and a spoon. You watch her while she does this and you noticed her necklace was gone. "Where's the necklace that guy gave you?"

She lets out a laugh before saying "I gave it back to him, I didn't say it in the moment because I was flustered but...I have my eyes on someone else." She glances your way before putting the soup in the bowl.

Her eyes lingered for a second longer and you swore the whole world stopped. Confusion was evident on your face and you looked away and tried to wonder who she really liked. 'Me?' you thought before you were snapped out of your mind when she plopped down next to you, rather close too. She handed you the soup and you take in the smell. It smelled like home. "This always makes me feel better when I'm sick."

Instead of smiling you frown at her "I need to tell you something. I wasn't sick...I was mad." She furrows her brows "Did I do something?"

Now you feel really guilty, you made her sad. "No- no of course not, I was...I was jealous of him." you look to the ground. Your nerves had finally set in, you realized you just confessed to her. She thinks for a moment confused until she finally spoke. "You were...jealous of him giving me flowers?"

"You looked really happy...I want to make you happy like he did." You voice faltered a bit and your heart beat picked up faster and you were quite literally freaking out. As soon as you turned to apologize she pulled you into a kiss. It was only a peck as she pulled away quickly. "I am so sorry! I didn't know what I-" you kissed her.

You gave her a proper kiss. And she kissed you back. After putting the soup on your bedside table you both go back to each other's lips. You wrap your arm around her neck and she puts a hand on your waist. You pull away and look at each other for a second. She laughs, and you swear it is the most beautiful thing you have seen. "Have you liked me all this time?" she said in between giggles. "Oh my god. We could have been together all this time."

You start to laugh now before hugging her. "I thought you were into guys!" "Are you saying I don't give off sapphic energy!?" She laughs into your shoulder.

"I thought about it but I wasn't sure I've only seen you with guys." She kissed you on the cheek and you're heart almost explodes. "I love women too, and I love you."

"I love you too." You bring her back into a sweet kiss. "Can you please try the soup now, I worked hard on it." She fakes a pout before grabbing the bowl.

[rottweiler1]

❝𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧' 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝.❞

pairing: 141 x male!reader and maybe some los vaqueros + others

summary: the 141 needed a helping hand to protect the world, only 4 wasn't enough. they decided for a interesting 5th member. and seemingly, the 141's other allies were also intrigued.

word count: 811!

cw: violence, normal cod gore, angst, poorly translated scottish from google.

update:

A/N: part 3!!! i had to take a small break, watched kung fu panda tday and got some pretty nice stuff from the mall, fuck yeah. off topic from there but enjoy reading this!-rottweiler

3/?

part 1 - part 2 - part 3

dino headed out to the jet with the 141 by his side, shuffling down his seat, the jet took off as the rumble started to shake towards the jet making him lay his head back as the others talked. simon 'ghost' riley was quiet as usual towards the others but sometimes talked out. price was just telling his (sons) to shut the fuck up and piss off.

dino then felt the jet shake with some turbulence as dino groaned, he couldn't get too angry otherwise his spikes would stab the leather from behind his seat like chopping meat. if only he could take them off right now. the jet landed down in a rough landing as everyone got up, dusting, stretching whatever.

the doors opened to reveal a group, soap then waved and yelled as some man looking in his late 30's hugged him and with one of those handshakes that seem oddly painful but dino shrugged. it was normal in the military life. price chuckled gruffly before the man said: ❝ayee, price my man!❞ the man hand shaked the captain with his grin.

dino then had some different opinions, he cant lie alejandro's voice was attractive.. reminded him of one of those mexican cultured movies he'd watch as a kid. dino then crossed his arms as ghost greeted him, so did gaz with a nod. alejandro noticed the giant with a gasp before saying. ❝hey, who the fucks that?❞ dino glanced at alejandro before saying. ❝dino.❞ he said one word and alejandro froze.

the voice made him shocked before grinning. ❝rudy, ya gotta come hear this voice!❞ the man named rudy walked beside alejandro, before rudy was talking with the members of the los vaqueros. ❝..huh?❞ dino said bluntly with a blink as rudy blinked. ❝fucking hell.. his voice is very.. wow.❞ rudy whispered to alejandro before reaching out a hand, soap then wrapped his arm around rudy's shoulder.

❝i'm rudy-❞

❝he's rudy!❞

they both looked at eachother and laughed it off, earning a chuckle from alejandro and gaz.. a small grin from price and ghost. dino must've missed a lot before groaning quietly.. he had no time for games and shit. alejandro interrupted his thoughts. ❝las says they call ya dino!❞ dino stared before nodding, it was pretty obvious from the spikes on the back, no?

alejandro reached out his hand as dino shook it with a stare.. pulling back, dino left. thats all he needed to know. soap then said. ❝sorry mates, dino's a lil version o' simon!❞ simon growled as alejandro laughed. a mini version? fuck no, impossible for simon to even have a son..

meanwhile..

dino was in the room they're temporarily staying in, making dino a bit uneasy since its not his usual bed, still creaky though! whats the difference? dino then huffed before taking out his phone out of his bag, staring at the texts from his sister. dino then replied:

kittarioo..!! ; my dear pretty ugly brother, i need some task force pics pretty please!

dizzo!! ; kiss on a dick.

kittarioo..!! ; just show me pictures of those men, they're really hot ya know!! give me some.

dizzo!! ; woah woah, is my own sister thirstin for some fucking military men fucking dick?

kittarioo..!! ; fuck off being gay but sendd!!

dizzo!! ; dizzo sent 4 attachments.

kittarioo..!! ; thanks, dino fucker!!

dizzo!! ; piss off.

dino then groaned, shoving the phone back in his bag, shuffling on his bed as he laid his head against the cushion, crossed arms behind his head that was making his head laying on. dino wondered if he would ever get to meet his sister.. dino got up before putting on his mask and sunglasses as someone knocked.

❝hey, dino. price is calling everyone to gathering with the los vaqueros, better hurry now.❞ gaz said and smiled, walking off as his footsteps went faint. dino then followed, fixing his green camo gloves. gaz opened the doors before taking seats, dino sat inbetween soap and rudy, simon was across him. dino glared and simon did back.

❝ya fuckers cant even get your rivalry postponed? we have a fucking timer to save the world.❞ price interrupted as simon and dino gazed back at price. ❝alright, now were gonna..❞ price kept going on and on as dino was gonna sleep, closing his eyes. dino was quietly sleeping for atleast 16 minutes before someone hit him.

dino growled and hit them back hard thinking its an enemy. turning out its just soap.. and with his slightly crooked nose. ❝fuck.. sorry.❞ dino said as he rubbed his temples, alejandro and rudy made sure soap was okay.. then the others eyed dino. their strength is strong, no lie. dino then went up to his room, made a lie. ( had imaginations.. about.. punching.. dinos. )

dino closed the door before grabbing pills, shoving down his throat, he had hallucinations, overworked hallucinations.. it wasnt long till the deployment starts.. would dino be fine?

the day of the deployement.

shuffling into the jeep, dino was large so he had to somehow fit.. so the jeeps roof was open, letting him see all the building and citizens from here. soap then said. ❝taking this fucker down is easy, just got my muscles not through rough training is all.❞ soap said, smug. alejandro laughed, ghost glanced at soap with a smile. you couldnt see it.

but rudy knew when he looked at ghost in the top view mirror.. the eyes of his lifted.

then they arrived at the destination, all devices were set.. ammo? set.. they sent dino in first because he was more the bigger and used as a body shield. on dino.

they were in a laboratory was where it took them to, there was just glass shatter.. ❝looks like they raided the place.❞ gaz said before slowly walking inside, price then went to the locked door before saying. ❝ on me. ❞ price kicked down the locked door before rushing inside, ghost went the other way to clear the room. gaz and soap followed in, and the others did too. the room was filled with gaurds, scientists hiding from this 2nd raid.

dino then shot someone, snapped their neck before kicking their body, shooting someone from behind without a care. fucking assholes. ❝ careful, theres snipers. ❞ dino said before someone tried to choke him with something, he then stabbed the guy with his spikes on his back before kicking some asshole infront.

ghost then shot someone right in the head before multiple came out from the corners. ❝ fuck! theese whiskies. ❞ ghost growled before killing the last person in another room. the soldiers infront seemed to know him with fear and bravery, they decided to risk it. to defeat THE ghost? pathetic.

gas then shot people with a pistol as someone kicked his pistol away, alejandro shot the guy. the pistol was far away. ❝ COVER FOR ME! ❞ gas yelled before alejandro nodded, gas slid on the ground past the killed soldiers quick and took his gun and placed it in his holster. he then eyed a better gun and took it before shooting someone who was behind alejandro.

soap and rudy was eachothers back to back, shooting them down before splitting, soap ran past ghost before stealing a knife from his pocket before stabbing someone in the head then slit someones throat and shot up someone.

rudy then punched someone, kicking them in the crotch as they whined before shooting them in the head. there was more? rudy could take them all with alejandro beside him. ❝¿quieres joder conmigo? vamos.❞ (wanna fuck with me? come on.)

price then spoke in the radio. ❝ more soldiers coming then we expected, get your arse upstairs. we're not taking evac yet, over. ❞

everyone then ran upstairs to see scared scientists in the lab rooms from the glass as the group walked to the exit stairs like badasses.. well thats what johnny would say.

they went upstairs with price, running before heading to the last floor they needed to retrieve the files about the group and.. ❝come on L.T, what if they go' chips? ❞ ghost grumbled before saying. ❝its a lab, not a fuck for 1 free chip gig.❞ ghost followed the group before footsteps were heard.

they all stopped before whipping out guns incase, dino then growled before getting infront of the team as a bodyshield, someone came down from the vents with style before whipping out the gun.

❝ kitty. ❞ dino growled at the woman with a grin on her face.

❝ dino. ❞ dino then tapped his foot with steady combat, guns aimed at her..

gas asked. ❝ they know eachother? ❞ price and ghost grumbled quietly before saying in unison:

❝ they're siblings. ❞

[ttheatre-trashh]

Read me yap about original kids ride the cyclone :333

for any more info about this show!! Look through the tag here

Dream of life. Jane doe walks on stage, and is kind of crumpled over, and slowly makes her way to stand up with stiff movements. This is the only song I have a recording of. As she slowly stands up, Jane doe lifts her head.

She has an echo effect added to her voice, and it sounds amazing. 

The Karnak is honestly hilarious, I loved his comedic timing. I can’t tell if he also had the echo effect, or if he was just an amazing voice actor. Sometimes he would mess up a line, but very quickly turn it into a robotic stutter, which was pretty smart. Love this guy. 

For virgil, they projected a projection of him onto the backdrop curtain. He was so silly I loved himmm. There was a fun transition from tiny rat form to anthro bass player. The bass solo was also great obv. 

Uranium suite was incredible. Ocean has almost this Disney channel main character voice? Idk but it’s so good. 

Mischa was slacking the whole time duh. Pulled out his phone at some bits. Ricky looked bored out of his fucking minddddd. Constance is just the sweetest ever I will kill for her. Noel is amazing and I love him. Like the pure SASS and EVERYTHING about him. Ricky the whole time stared into the audience like “kill me now”. We made eye contact a few times it was nice haha

After Uranium Ocean is kind of like,, calm but freaking out?? She kicks Karnaks box a few times throughout the show, including here. There are fun lights flickering and sound effects. Her voice is squeaky and cracky when she panicked or whatever. Again, karnaks comedic timing is amazing. 

What the world needs was so good. Oceans voice is amazing, the choreography was so snappy and swishy and sassy, very ocean. They hold up signs that spell out OCEAN, and in the flip side of them there’s a picture of ocean. Everyone was on point, and oceans delivery of every line was perfect. Like, the pure disgust she has when she goes “and a transformer movie” like babe has a personal vendetta against transformer movies.

I cannot stress enough how on point the choreography was, during the whole show, but like, I’m obsessed with the choreography of this song. There was a lot of hand flicking of that makes sense? Some fun little kicks.  There are tiny clips of it in some of the promo. 

After wtwn, ocean is freaking out. Karnaks delivery is perfect “blah blah blah needs a unanimous vote” oceans face drops. Long pause. « from each. And every. Member of the choir.”  

When ocean says she “loves” Jane, jane reaches out her arms and runs to hug her, but ocean dodges her and Jane doe just ends up almost running  into a wall. When she says she loves Noel, he just looks at her like “bitchgetthefuckawayfrommeew” and does his gay little pose. 

(E, the actor for Noel, uses they/them, so if I use those I’m talking about the actor) The play was so cute. After Noel said his line, ocean started crying and screaming and her and Constance were whining “NOOOEEEELL WHY DID YOU SAY TAHTTTTTT!!???” “UGH you always ruin these things!!!”  And stuff haha. It was great. 

Noel’s monologue was incredible, he fell to the floor during the dramatic bit about wanting to feel, goddamit.

 “I wanted to wake up,” fake throwing up for a second “in my own VOMIT.” huge grin. “Missing TEETH!” 

Noel goes behind the curtain/projector screen that they have on stage and starts singing. At about “I write poems to burn my firelight,” he comes out in Monique costume. Monique was so cool, she had fishnets, the iconic black wig, and a dress just like kholbys iconic one, but there was a little bow in the front,  and the skirt had strips of ripped fabric on the skirt. 

Again, the choreography of this song is amazing. everyone had chairs, and it was very leg-y? If that makes sense? But like in a “sexy” way, not an “Irish jig” sort of way.  Super snappy and clean cut. vocals are amazing, obviously. Ricky is kindof ominously standing in a corner with a beret and a cigarette playing the accordion. 

For the kiss, Monique and Constance danced together, then Monique and Ricky. Then Monique slapped Ricky, and Mischa comes over and they kissed. Adorable. 

The ending was so good, like the final « if I could have just one dream/if he could have just one dream/id be. That fucked. Up GIRL./HEY ». Mwah. Chefs kiss.

Every story’s got a lesson was so silly. Constance nailed the improv scene. This Ocean just. Needs to be in control. All the time. But like?? I’m making her sound bad but I felt bad for her because she wants everything to go her way but she’s not great at expressing that in a positive way. Any way, Constance gets excited at the end, like, « so I go out and do all. The. Drugs. 😁😁 » her little « BATH SALTS FOR EVERYONE!!! 😃😃 » 

Anyways. Mischa. 

Spence is literally an amazing mischa, he was so good. He started beatboxing really badly into the mic before he started talking about feeling, and the audience laughed. His accent was on point, and he spoke really naturally. Like, it didn’t feel super forced unlike some other Mischa’s I’ve heard (all Mischa are amazing some are just better accents yk)

This song is awesome was so fun. He had a tight white undershirt under his button down, which kind of just added to the silliness of the song instead of just being shirtless, yk? He had a chain and hat, duh. 

Everyone had these massive light up glasses, and Ricky was wearing a robot mask. It was so silly and I loved it. They did the iconic thing where they held onto Mischa’s unbuttoned shirt and made us flow to look like wind blowing

Omg. Talia. So this was so good. 

He awkwardly yet confidently re buttons his shirt, which the audience laughed at but I was like “yall stop that this gets emotional” but I think I’m just a bitch lol. 

The Talia monologue was incredible. Just, yes. Delivery was amazing, everything. I cried. A lot.  Mischa scrolled on his phone when something new appeared in the projector, like the photos and stuff. They used the curtain/backdrop as a projector screen, and there was the footage of Talia and Mischa. The wedding stuff and romance and shit. 

It was so sweet. I don’t have anything special to say about it, the monologue was just amazing. I completely broke down. 

For Talia, oh god. This was genuinely of the best things I’ve ever seen live. Spence’s voice is amazing, and again, I sobbed through this whole song. 

Everyone had the traditional costumes, and the girls had the big skirts, with the projections of Talia on them. I wasn’t sure if they were gonna do that, but it was beautiful. They also had the projection on Mischa’s chest at the end, when he’s belting. I completely fucking lost it.  

And then there’s the iconic nischa hug.  My heart. 💜 oh my god. 

MY FINGERS HURT (I LOST MY FIRST COPY OF THIS??? I HAD TO RE TYPE THIS???) BUT @noelgruberfr and @knockoff-conlon FEEL FREE TO FINISH THIS !!!