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"Alright everyone we are back! And y'know what, instead of trying to do more of an intro, I'm just gonna leave it to you Dale."

"What? Why?"

"...you're kidding right? It's December second there's no way you're not gonna spend the whole podcast talking about cu-"

"OHHHHH YEAH! I almost forgot. Thanks for reminding me. Well folks, the cum drum challenge is finally over, and I... well I have some bad news. I didn't fill a whole barrel."

"What?"

"Yeah dude I'm really bummed about it, I feel like i let a whole bunch of people down and--SIKE! I ACTUALLY FILLED TWO!"

"Oh my god, you--"

"Hahaaaaah, I got you there didn't I? You were so worried!, but don't worry y'all, when Dale says he's going to deliver, he fucking DELIVERS!"

"So how the fuck did you manage that?"

"Ok so you know how i said I had to cum 10 times a day to make my goal, well 10 quickly turned into 14, then 23, then 34, and after that I lost count because I got this machine from a friend that jerked me off while I was sleeping, so even after I was cumming 34 times a day there was more after that."

"Jesus Christ dude, that's crazy."

"I know, I was in this constant horny haze, it felt so good, like outside of the podcast all I was doing was lifting, eating and jerkin it! Kind of felt like a vacation honestly."

"How did it affect your gains?"

"Get this: I gained 20 pounds of muscle in a month."

"NO FUCKING WAY!"

"i KNOW RIGHT! And like, I'm fucking huge so every pound at this point is an uphill battle, so, like 20!? its crazy."

"Fuck, man."

"And I'm not the only one either, I got some dms about guys who also took the challenge, and dude holy shit look at this."

"Who is that!?"

"That is.. well I'm not gonna give out full names but Douglas from North Carolina, who was a former bodybuilder, kinda got out of it, tried out the challenge, and gained.... you're not ready for this: 134 pounds in one month."

"That--there's no way that isn't possible."

"I'm telling you dude, I thought it was fake, but he's been posting on Instagram every day and its not only real, but its SO fucking hot. He said something about competing again and, dude PLEASE. I would love to flex on stage with you."

"Ok stop trying to flirt with the fans."

"Hey, we just proved that cumming as much as possible makes me get fucking huge, I think we should let me be as horny as I want now."

"Okay, fine I guess I can't argue with that anymore, but how are you feeling now?"

"My balls hurt."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think its like the lack of stimulation. Honestly I might have to up my rates a bit. Oh, also that reminds me I have a business idea for you. You know how those people did the bathwater thing? Well I was thinking we could maybe sel--"

"No. Absolutely not. That's probably illegal."

"Ok but if it isn't can we do it? I know I'd be able to keep up with demand, and once I add a jerking off schedule to your workout plan you'd definitely be able to help"

"MY WHAT SCHEDULE??"

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It was hard to focus on the wedding with his husband pulling him aside and whispering any horny thought that came to mind int his ear. At this point they'd probably have to skip the reception just so that they could spend the rest of the night fucking.

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“We all know the next speaker… I think the whole world knows him by now. Maybe it was being the youngest bodybuilder to earn an ifbb pro card, at just 16. Or at 17, being the youngest ever to win the Mr Olympia title. Or at 18, just last month, being awarded the Guinness Book World Record for Most Muscular Man to Ever Live. Or maybe you know him because, like all of us, you’ve been stuck behind him in the hallway when you’re late to class - haha! But we can’t stay mad at him - a nicer guy you won’t find, as I’m sure you’ll soon hear for yourselves. Please welcome to the stage, your Valedictorian!”

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"Hmm? No I'm not working right now, I'm just trying to find a guy who will suck my dick once this plane lands. Its been 5 hours, my balls feel like they're going to explode!

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Hmm, kind of an unorthodox workout, but I guess if its how you got that big, then it's gotta work.

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He always got some intrigue on what he looked like, even when his videos consisted of his camera pointed at his desk, oping card packs. He'd always get comments on the size of his hands, or how deep his voice was, and once he accidentally showed off a bit of his forearm his comments devolved into horny inquiring about how big he really was. So, for hitting 10,000 subscribers, he decided to show off a little. It was his most viewed video by far.

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He's ready for his second dose. What? That's not allowed because he'll grow to big? But just look at that smile! Come on doc, you wouldn't want to disappoint him would you?

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"Alright everyone, we are back. Now, for this episode I had to leave for work, so for the video I'm currently recording in the hotel I'm staying at, and hopefully Dale has his set up like I told him to so that.... Dale."

"What?"

"What's that?"

"Oh my mug? That's empty I need to put it in the sink."

"That's not-- What's with the oil drum?"

"Oh, so you haven't been following my tiktok? Wooooow."

"Hey, listen I- I deleted Tiktok off my phone years ago I can't go back now. And honestly, all I've heard is that you've been causing trouble."

"Hey that wasn't me. The guy that I was talking about a month ago made a 'response video' to me where he- really all he did was call me a 'beta low-test cuck' ,whatever the fuck that all means, and then he went through my videos and said that I was getting smaller because of my 'masturbation addiction'."

"... I can't believe we're doing another cum episode."

"You better believe it brother! So, in response I've created a personal challenge for myself: Throughout the month of November, I'm going to cum so much, that I can fill a 55-gallon Oil Drum by the end of the month with my cum alone."

"...No fucking way."

"I'm calling it the Cum Drum Challenge."

"The Cum Drum Challenge?"

"Listen I couldn't thin of a good name in time I only had a week to think about it before the challenge started shut up stop laughing."

"Ok ok sorry it- it got me. And you're doing this shit on Tiktok? How are you not banned already?"

"Well, I'm not showing myself filling the drum dude, I'm just like explaining it, and alluding to it. The filling sessions will be on my Onlyfans link in the descriptioooon~"

"Ok sure, whatever, fuck it. People are watching you do this? and liking it? unironically?"

"The first video people thought was just a joke, but by day 4 they were like 'oh this guys serious'. So right now its like 75% people saying I'm crazy and making jokes and like 25% pure awe. Oh but like dude, you know who did comment? Fucking Current Mr. Olympia and my favorite bodybuilder Andrew Nelson! And his comment wasn't ironic either. He was legit like 'I hope this works because it sounds way better than the alternative'. He's on my side!"

"Bet you got quick load after you saw that."

"Fuck off you can't say that now. He knows of me! He might be listening to this now."

"Ok, ok i won't. So, god, this challenge. How are you gonna do this, like 55 gallons isn't a small number dude."

"Yeah, but my buddy mapped it out with my 'average load volume' and I have to cum at least 10 times a day."

"10!?"

"Yeah, I know that's a lot for some guys, so if you wanna just try to fill a milk carton this month and then you can work your way up, no shame in that my friend. This is not for the faint of heart."

"Only 10!? What the fuck dude you're insane!"

"I know, these balls can fucking produce! Actually, side note to listeners we're recording this on November 7th, so I'm a week in. My balls are huge now dude. Like I had some big balls before but these babies are HUGE. And, oh god my beard's gotten all thick too? like I'm giving up on shaving this month it will not be tamed. And the muscles ugh fuck dude I can feel myself growing, like the more i pump this beastly cock It feels like liquid fire in my veins. And ...mmhh gruuh, dudeI get this full body pump every time I CUUM--ugh, fuck yeah man. So huge."

"Have you been jerking off this whole time?"

"...Maybe."

"Dude, again!?"

"I HAVE A QUOTA TO MEET! I'VE ONLY CUM 8 TIMES TODAY!"

"EIGHT!? ITS FUCKING 1PM YOU COULD'VE WAITED."

"WELL SORRY FOR TRYING TO OVERACHIEVE."

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No more worrying about bullies for him, not after his boyfriend grew over 400 pounds in one summer.

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Even when there was no weight class for them, you could find a couple of the Hyperweight guys flexing in between rounds of judging. The crowd thought that they were just guest posers, but really they just wanted another place to show off. I mean, it wasn't like anyone was gonna stop them, people were too busy staring in awe at how big they were.

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"Bro, do you wanna hear about something crazy?"

"I mean sure, go ahead,"

"Alright, so I was just relaxing, scrolling TikTok,"

"Already a bad idea."

"I know, I got beef with that fuckin' algorithm let me tell you. I follow a couple of bodybuilders, post a couple of gym vids and suddenly my For you page is filled with the biggest assholes alive. Anyway, I'm scrolling, and I see this guy, he's doing that whole 'alpha top dog' thing even though he's not that big."

"Okay wait pause, how big is not that big?"

"I don't know, I have more muscle in my arms than he has in his whole body, real gym influencer type."

"Alright, for anyone listening to the pod at home, I should probably just say that this guy could be anywhere from 150-300 pounds from Dale's description of him, okay? He's not good at judging what normal guys look like anymore."

"Yeah, okay, you got me. Anyway, this guy keeps going on about his great advice, so I stick around to hear it. You wanna know what he said? 'Stop Cumming, its killing your natural testosterone' What kind of bullshit is that!?"

"I mean that is a big part of the current fitness world, these guys will say anything to get more followers, and a lot of their followers are so desperate for progress that they'll take whatever advice they're given."

"It's a shame, because he's also wrong! I tried that whole 'No Nut Whatever' and its been the only time in these last 5 years that I've plateaued."

"... Really?"

"Yeah! If I'm not cranking a load out every day I can kiss any potential gains goodbye."

"Wait,"

"Like after my workouts, when I got a huge pump going, I just have to crank one out, like what good workout would it be if I didn't"

"Dale c'mon,"

"And its not like I can just hit up a guy on Grindr and go to town every time I need to, there aren't enough guys on Grindr for that."

"Uggggh dude, we are never getting a sponsor with you talking like this."

"What, so all the straight alpha dudebros can talk about semen retnetion and get a ton of followers, but I get censored for talking about jacking off and getting tons of ass?"

"Yeah, we will."

"Well then, listeners, go subscribe to the patreon so that I can talk about my actual tips for growing, and so that you can help Mark get bigger. I'm telling you, I'm gonna make this boy huge with your help. Audio listeners make sure to check the videos so you can see this boy get huge. Now bro, help me out here. You don't want those Tiktok gymfluencers to win do you? How often are you jerkin off?"

"Oh god I can't believe I'm answering this... A couple of times a week maybe?"

"A week? That's fucking crazy. My average is like 4-5 times a day. More if I'm really feeling horny. If I'm being honest I jerked off a few weeks ago on the pod, like I forgot to before I came here. One of the comments mentioned something about my grunting that episode."

"Jesus christ dude, how do you even manage that?"

"Well, you gotta work up to it. I couldn't do that starting out, but once I started growing I was so horny I had to do something about it. I think that's what these guys don't get. You gotta get those balls working, give them a reason to keep making that sweet testosterone. How are you supposed to do that if you aren't jacking it? Honestly dude, I feel like I gotta prove these guys wrong now."

"What, you're gonna be a cum warrior?"

"Hell yeah man, I'm gonna be fighting the war on jerking it, on the side of jerking it!"

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His manager didn't love the change in uniform, but they couldn't find a shirt that fit him. He was just glad to have another place he could show off. He only got this job to help with the massive bills feeding his body made, and once he started getting a few sponsors (or he finally started his Onlyfans) he was outta there. For now ,he just enjoyed the shocked stares of customers as they tried to remember what they were going to order.

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I woke up to a series of texts on my phone:

I got stuck :(

same place as last time

bring the big chain

I sighed as I realized that I'd be spending most of the day trying to drag him out of the mud pit he had fallen into. Last time this happened, my car's engine almost gave out when I tried to pull him, and he hadn't gotten any smaller in the months between then and now. I was gonna have to borrow someone's tractor, and hope that I didn't get it stuck trying to lug him out.

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Still a couple hundred pounds under their ideal summer body weight

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We moved out to the country to give him some room, but he seems hell-bent on filling whatever space he finds himself in.

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Yeah bro, I got my hamstrings so fat they touch my freakin ankles when I bend my knee. Can’t wait to see how much I’m gonna grow on this next cycle.