#it will be 2 weeks from now and i will be like ahh normal again then mlpsm will drop mlphss ep23

[orbch]

okay me being obsessed with mlpstopmotion THIS INTENSELY is just a kidney stone we will have to let pass, heres more stuff

[plmp0]

The Sex Love House PT 3

Summary: Welcome to the love house where a lot of stories will infold, 7 participants will have a chance to live together in the same house for a mounth while still doing their normal activities, will they find real love in this short period? Or at least this is what ur friend want u to believe. Part 1 Part 2

Warnings: a very manipulative!jay, manipulative!sunghoon, manipulative!heeseung, ex!bf!Jake, everyone is a perv in this house, reader is clueless, shameless reader, kinda stalker reader, Siyeon (from dreamcatcher) is also part of this, this is a pure filth, explicit content.

Smut warning: hand!job, oral (f), cum eating, desperate Jake, kind of subby!jake, p in v, unprotected sex (cause it's fiction), overstimulation, a lot of teasing, i think that's it

A/N: This part was supposed to go out a long time ago but i forgot to save it and i had to re-write it again so it's not as good cause i got annoyed sorry. Also this is not proof read so there might be some mistakes and typos so yeah

It's the week-end Jake woke up today going straight to ur room knocking on ur door before entering, u were still in ur shower robe hands blow drying ur hair as he looked at u through the mirror "oh hi i was going to talk to u after i finish, we didn't get a chance to yesterday" u said upon brushing ur hair.

He noded his head eyes scanning u, u got more beautiful since the last time he saw u, he's ngl he forgot about u at some point but he just woke up one day having u running through his head, what could u be doing now? Did u get taller? Did u let ur hair grow? How many relationships have u been through? He had these small thoughts about u, but everytime his heart tries to soften to u, the memory of ur ghosting and its side effects come back to him, it was like a trauma for him, getting in the way of every relationship he tried to be in, always having doubts about the other part, not able to trust her fully, he really has abandonement issues now.

"There is no need to bring back what happened in the past" u said getting him out of his thoughts, u turned off the blowdryer approaching him eyes softening now that he is close to u, ur guilt kicking in immediatly "m so sorry for what i did, i know nothing can excuse what i did but i wasn't mature enough" u said holding his hand in urs, he cleared his throat avoiding looking at u, pulling out his hand gentely and that was enough for u to know that he didn't forget u.

U sighed feeling bad but deciding to brush off the topic "so tell me, what r u doing now?" U asked hoping to get rid of the awkwardness noting how he didn't let a word out.

He smiled shrugging "i took over my dad's work"

U smiled back remembering how sweet his dad used to be and how good he treated u "i hope he is doing fine"

"He is" was all he replied with, taking a seat on ur bed "ahh right! Do u want something?" U asked after runing out of ideas to lighten the mood, he sighed hands massaging his forhead "i just wanted to ask if u have some pain relievers"

"Ohhh? Ur head hurts?" U asked hands busy searching in ur drawer for the said pills, taking it out and handing it to him "here" he took it from u thanking u and putting it in his pocket .

U sat on ur chair facing him now forgetting that u r still in ur robe that is about to open in any second now, ur hair isn't fully dry u look so... so tempting Jake's eyes can't help but stare at u head empty only u running through it.

"U don't want the guys to know that we were together?" U asked after talking for sometime now without getting a reply from him.

He cleared his throat again " ah idk i didn't know if u'd like them to find out so i chose to not say anything" he shrugged, u smiled at him he is still considerate as always "i don't really mind but since we didn't talk about it the first time let's just keep it between us"

He smiled back wanting to stay with u longer, seeing u now in front of him again brought back his old feelings towards u.

U heard ur phone ring on the table behind u "excuse me" u let out softly turning back and stretching to get it without standing from ur seat, exposing ur bare thighs and a faint sight of ur blue panties to Jake whose eyes were boring into u tongue darting on his lower lip , he gulped hands sweating and itching to feel ur soft skin, u smiled at ur succeed attempt to get ur phone seating properly now and answering ur call, Jake's eyes didn't leave u even for a second scanning the way u pout whenever something is not pleasing u, the way u roll the end of ur hair listening to what's been said on the other line, lips smiling from time to time flashing ur white teeth, everything about u was beautiful and he miss having u for himself.

U made eye contact with him in the middle of the call mouthing a sorry, Jake only smiling at u as he waited for ur call to end (but wishing it to take longer so he can drink in ur beautiful features more).

U ended the call that was from one of ur co-workers asking u about some file u wondering why tf they want that in the week end, u sighed looking at Jake noting the way he is looking at u.

"That took longer than i expected sorry"

He didn't budge even when u waved ur hand in front of him, only waking up when he heard ur soft voice calling his name and he almost let a sound out from that "are u okay? U r spacing out a lot" u asked concerned, eyes looking at the way his adam apple boped down before hearing him gulp loudly.

He shakes his head like he was in some sort of trance head dizzy as he inhaled u r fresh smell now that u approached him " m fine dw" u sat next to him, resting ur back on the wall and he followed ur movement head titling to face u " u r still as beautiful as u were" he let out making u blush a little bit as u give him a thank u chewing on ur lips fingers playing with the hem of ur robe.

He massaged his shoulders letting out a small groan and u turned to look at him he really look so tired "do u want me to give u a massage it's gonna help u relax a little bit" u said.

And he stayed still for a minute thinking about ur offer before noding in agreement, u stood up going to take an oil u use whenever u wanna relax "come on lay down" u rushed him and he did "i think it'd be better if u remove ur shirt" u said as he removed it and tossed it somewhere on the bed, u straddled his back he pressed his face on the matress upon feeling ur weight on top of him, his body shivering when the cold oil met his skin ur hands following after, massaging his nerves skilfully, he shut his eyes his body relaxing while releasing soft groans every now and then.

U were so good with ur hands he almost fell asleep if it wasn't for the unintentional scrach he felt on his back, u just continued working ur magic ignoring the way his body squirmed, u smirked a little bit knowing exactly how he liked that, u kept digging ur nails on his skin saying a sorry with a fake pout whenever u do so.

He could feel his muscles tensing up again, his forehead now resting on his hands teeth biting his lower lip not wanting to let a sound out, but it was impossible at this point especially when u brushed ur fingers faintly over his soft spot, u knew his body so well doing the most to get a reaction out of him, ur competitive side kicking out until a moan skipped his lips making u stop ur movements immediately "ohhh?" U said mockingly leaning forward until ur lips met his ears "u r still the same Jakey" he whimpered his hips humping the mattress shamelessly making u chuckle "what are u doing?" U asked faking a confused tone as u moved from his body standing in front of him. Jake titled his head looking at u confusion written all over his face, u cocked an eyebrow at him as he didn't stop his movements his eyes boring into ur body that was all exposed for him at this point, the robe not doing any job at hiding ur skin, the small curls at the end of ur hair still wet arms crossed waiting for him to speak but he didn't, u sighed clenching ur jaw slightly leaning forward lifting his chin with ur index finger "where r u looking? My face is here" u exclaimed wanting to get something out of him but his eyes are fixed on ur lips, u dart ur tongue on them watching how his own mouth is open almost drooling at the sight of you. Jake has always been like that, everything u did used to turn him on, and it looks like nothing changed.

U chuckled softely kneeling on the floor so u can face him blinking slowely as u caressed his cheeks titling ur head and getting closer to him until ur noses touched u were planing to tease him a little bit more but he rushed kissing u like he was starving for years, his lips moving so fast tongue rolling around urs u let go of his cheeks one hand now around his neck while the other one is searching for his hair tugging slightly as he moans in the kiss.

U left his mouth panting for some air, u looked his way and u can't help the heat that went to ur cheeks when u saw him, he looked so fucked out just from a kiss coming closer to kiss u again "so eager" u thought

U kissed him again his hands holding onto ur thighs, Jake now sitting properly without breaking the kiss making u also stand and straddle his lap, u started rolling ur hips slowly his hands following your pace, his thumbs tracing circles on ur inner thighs, ur hand going from his hair to his neck applying a small pressure and he groaned in the kiss.

"Shhh" u warned him and he whined in return making u smile in the kiss as ur hands traveled to his pants, unbuttoning them and sliding them down his knees along with his boxers, he let a deep breath out his body tensing up as he waited for u to touch him, the anticipation killing him.

"Please" he managed to mutter out his dick twitching in the cold air as his head tilted backwards and a sigh left his lips when u wrapped ur hand around his cock.

Ur thumb pressed on his slit collecting the precum that is oozing from it and spreading it along his length, his grip on ur thighs tighten as his body shakes under ur touch, he moaned in the kiss the need of breathing making him part his lips slightly, his moans were so loud despite him trying to stay silent his eyes were rolling to the back of his head.

His hips started moving up to meet ur strokes as his moans increased in volume, u felt him getting close, ur thumb now pressing on his slit again teasing him by stroking the base and going to the top before repeating the same process.

"Baby" he moaned against ur lips as his hips buckled upwards his stomach and chest rising, his hands are gripping ur thighs tightly, his nails digging in ur flesh, his toes curling as his mouth parted in a silent scream the only thing coming out of his mouth was a gasp as his eyes rolled back.

His dick twitched a few times his cum landing on ur robe and his chest, ur eyes were scanning the view, his head was still resting on the bed his eyes closed, his whole body shaking still feeling the waves of his orgasm, he was so sexy like this, and u can't deny that the thought of him getting off just from u stroking him made u so turned on, u were sure that your panties were soaked wet.

He was catching his breath when he felt u getting off his lap, he opened his eyes, his chest moving up and down, his dick still twitching as he saw the mess he made.

"Fuck y/n im sorry" he said trying to grab a tissue but his body was numb and his mind hazy.

U didn't pay him any attention going straight to ur closet pretending to get another robe and discarding the dirty one on the ground.

Jake was looking at u his dick already hardening again his eyes were roaming over ur body his gaze fixated on the curve of ur ass and the way the blue panties hugged ur thighs.

He wanted to eat u alive, he wanted to make u cry out his name, he wanted to fuck u, and u wanted the same, his dick was pulsating against his stomach, and all his senses were focused on u.

U felt his stare, turning back to face him a smirk forming on ur lips as u took a step forward and his hands were instantly on ur waist pulling u down on his lap, he attacked ur neck kissing, biting and sucking on it, he didn't want to leave a mark so he didn't suck for a long time, he went lower until his teeth bit ur collar bone his hands pulling down the new robe as his lips met the top of ur breast leaving kisses and licks.

"Oh" a sigh escaped ur mouth as u tilted ur head backwards, his right hand went down cupping ur clothed pussy while his left hand held onto ur waist for support.

He started moving his fingers, drawing circles on ur clothed clit, he didn't stop the movement of his mouth on ur breast as u started grinding against his hand. Jake was like a starving man, his touches so earger, his actions desperate.

U held onto his shoulders for support as he pushed u back laying on the matress, his body covering ur smaller frame as he started sucking on ur right breast his hand moving away the panties and entering two fingers inside ur pussy making you arch ur back as a gasp left ur lips.

His fingers were hitting the right spot and he went to kiss you again, his mouth making it hard to breathe, the pleasure was too much, ur eyes were watering, and his dick was rubbing against ur thigh, Jake broke the kiss panting like a dog delivering kisses on you stomach as his thumb was circling your clit, u were so sensitive his every move was sending shivers down ur spine, he was so focused on pleasing you, and it wasn't hard for him to get the job done, it's like he has been dreaming about this for a long time, he was now on a face level with your pussy he groaned biting his lips before replacing his thumb with his tongue, a scream slipped your lips and your back arched high in the air, his grip on ur waist was bruising, he didn't want to let go.

He hummed upon tasting you his eyes closed tongue going wild making it hard for you to contain ur moans and u were sure by now that if Heeseung was in his room he 100% have heard you, his room next to urs and that just added to ur heat making u go crazy, you were close by now already worked out just from earlier, Jake's finger went deeper making you let out a cry hands tugging at his hair and he moaned upon that "Cum for me" he mumbled against your pussy, the vibrations of his voice enough to make u reach your peak.

You cried out his name legs shaking uncontrollably, head dizzy, and chest heaving, and Jake didn't stop licking on ur clit not even giving u time to calm down and recover from ur first orgasm, "No-omg" your hands went to pull him away but instead you found them back on his hair pushing his face closer, his tongue was so skilled and u can feel yourself getting close again letting out small cries , the feeling of his tongue was so amazing and u can feel your whole body burning up, it didn't take long before u came again squirting on his face this time.

Jake pulled away his lips wet, face glistening with your juices, his eyes dark, "That's so fucking hot" he muttered licking his lips and wiping his face with his hands, he was looking at you hungrily, his cock red and dripping with precum, you wanted him inside you.

"C'mon here" u said pulling him closer for a sloppy kiss tasting yourself on his tongue as you started moving your hips, both of you were a moaning mess, the need to be close was so strong.

"Jake" u moaned against his lips and he hummed eyes still closed "fuck me" you said and his eyes shot open his mouth hanging open his breath got caught in his throat, and u smiled at him softly you were always a fan of his reactions always acting like he hasn't heard these words before as if it's his first time and you were sure that he was now going crazy, ur words made him feel like his heart is about to explode.

He didn't hesitate to get between your legs, his dick rubbing against ur wet folds as his mouth went to suck on your neck, your hands went to his back leaving red scratch marks as his tip was pressing on your hole, the need to enter was strong his eyes scanning your expressions as he entered you, a satisfied sigh escaped both of you lips, you were so warm and wet around him he didn't have any energy to start slow, his thrusts were hard and rough his hands holding onto the sheets as his hips met yours with a slap, the air was filled with your moans and the sound of skin slapping, the bed creaked underneath you and you could hear it hitting the wall, it's not a surprise if u end up with a hole in the wall, and he was going so fast he didn't give you a chance to adjust his cock hitting the right spots, "fuckk you feel so good Damn" he groaned his hips moving by themselves his head dropped enjoying the way you feel around him, your hands went to his back pulling him closer wanting to feel him deeper, his chest was now touching yours, his skin was so hot and he was sweating a lot, you can see his veins popping his mouth hanging open as his forehead was touching yours, his thrusts becoming more aggressive and it was hard to catch your breath, you can feel yourself getting close for the third time tonight your stomach twisting and your eyes rolling to the back of your head, Jake's hand moved away from the sheets gripping the headboard as he was slamming into you loving how you moan his name, he was close, so close, his dick twitched inside of you.

He was so lost in pleasure he had other plans for you but he forgot about everything focusing only on the delicious feeling of you he swear he hasn't felt this good since being with you, he doesn't know why but u just enjoys it more when it's you, his thrusts were now unrhythmic moaning as his hands went to the pillow and you let out a surprised yelp when his other hand grabbed a fistful of your hair pushing your head back loving how you look for this angle ,his cock was throbbing and pulsating inside you the knot in your stomach was so tight and you could feel yourself reaching your peak, Jake was grunting his eyes shut curses leaving his lips "fuckk fuck fuck" and you could feel the tears building up so sensitive from the previous releases and it was a matter of time before both of you came at the same time, he pulled out after spilling his seeds all over your stomach.

He let go of your hair and collapsed on the bed next to you, both of you were panting your minds were blank and the air was still thick, the room smelled of sex, Jake's hair was sticking to his forehead, his chest was moving up and down, the only sound in the room was the heavy breathing. You were laying there trying to come back from the high, you looked at Jake his eyes closed, his face still sweaty and red, your eyes moved lower, his chest and stomach are covered with his own cum and he didn't seem to mind.

You chuckled "what?" He asked eyes opening to look at you.

"Look at the mess" you said pointing at his stomach, he sat up a little bit checking it out wanting to say something but he stopped after seeing you crawling, ur hands dropping his body back as u leaned down collecting all the cum that was on his body licking it up making sure to leave no trace behind Jake had to slap himself to see if he was dreaming, his eyes were bulging and his mouth was dry 'fuck you are so sexy y/n" it was too much, too many feelings all at once, it was hard to control the heat pooling in his groin and he can feel himself getting hard again, he let a deep breath out when you stopped to show him the cum u collected before swallowing it.

"Fuck so dirty" he said pulling you for a heated kiss, your tongue battling his for dominance, he was already hard again his body was aching for u and u couldn't help but rub your pussy against his shaft.

"Please" he begged, and as much as u wanted him you were sure that your body can't take anymore, already sore from yesterday and the events that took place minutes ago.

"Next time Jakey" u said pecking his lips and he whined, his hands went down to rub your pussy and u let him, u were sure that you can't do it but a few moments later u were bouncing on his cock again.

-

You sighed after what happened Jake stayed with your for a bit helping you move to the shower wanting to help but u stopped him wanting to relax for few minutes and have an alone time and he nodded pecking ur forehead and leaving. You took longer than intended cleaning your body lazily, you went out expecting to find a mess in ur room, ur robe thrown on the ground along with ur panties and the sheets wrinkled but instead everything was neat your clothes on the basket another sheets on the bed and that alone made your day.

Jake was sweet and caring as always and ur heart ached with guilt, ur mind was still in shock from everything but you didn't have the energy to spend a long time thinking, you dressed up wearing a long blue dress with a small slit on your left leg, drying your hair only with a towel putting on some perfume and walking out. U heard some noises on the living room and u followed finding everyone except from Jake and Siyeon sitting on the table having breakfast

Jay's eyes followed your every move his jaw almost dropping, the sight of your thighs driving him insane and it was so unfair, "wow y/n u look so beautiful" Heeseung said devouring you with his eyes and Joy nodded her head while Sunghoon didn't say a thing his eyes scanning u head to toe while stuffing his mouth with food, Joy pulled the chair next to her patting it for you "come on". She is such a sweetheart and u can't help the smile forming on your lips, you took the seat sitting now between her and Sunghoon and across from Heeseung and Jay, a small groan slipping Jay's lips when he saw u sitting so close to Hoon, his eyes were dark remembering yesterday's night but he wanted to take care of you today not liking how he let u go without helping. He grabbed ur plate putting a big amount of various food and handing it to u making u chuckle "i don't think m gonna be able to finish this but thank u" u said softly making him smile as well "enjoy, u need to regain ur energy".

Joy and Heeseung were talking about something but u can't pay attention u didn't realize how much hungry u re until u had ur first bite of food. "I thought u were going out this morning" Heeseung asked eyes not leaving ur face wondering what kind of excuse u'll make after he woke up to ur moans and you could feel ur cheeks heating up remembering the events that took place just few hours ago, u cleared ur throat shaking ur head "i changed my mind" u replied trying to avoid eye contact and laughing awkwardly afterwards, Heeseung grinned nodding his head pretending to believe u "Ahhh i see" he said. Joy's eyes roamed on the table "Where is Siyeon?" she asked particularly no one and Jay answered "She still have things to do at her house but she'll be back this afternoon"

"Where is Jake?" Sunghoon asked after a while and Jay was the one to answer him again "He left few minutes they called him from work"

U nodded, it was obvious that he didn't want anyone to find out, "How did u sleep last night?" Heeseung asked u and Jay chocked on his drink while you almost spit your food, Sunghoon who was taking a sip of his tea was now coughing loudly, Joy turned to look at him her eyebrows raised "are u ok?" She asked and he gave her a thumbs up eyes watering, Heeseung was laughing at the reaction of everyone his eyes meeting with yours and you could feel the heat on ur cheeks. "Oh my god u look like a tomato" he commented still laughing and u kicked his leg with ur feet under the table so embarrassed wishing that a black hole could swallow u and take u away from this place.

Sunghoon was now smirking loving to see u in that state remembering meeting with you yesterday when u were about to head to ur room after getting out of Jay's room sweating, face flushed and lips swollen ur robe closed messily and ur hair was in a very terrible state, u stopped at ur steps upon noticing his shadow turning to see him in front of you and u really tried to act normal but there was no point of that at that rate, so u just decided to do what u do everytime = running to ur room and die from shame! u hated that it's Sunghoon who caught u all the time and u weren't sure that u'd be able to look at him the next day but u managed to do that somehow. The table went silent again until Heeseung spoke again "i was just asking cuz it was too cold yesterday and the heating system wasn't working for me so i went to ask u if it works for u but u wasn't in ur room"

"Ahh yes" u lied "i was probably in the kitchen i got so thirsty and i didn't bring water to my room before sleeping" u mumbled, ur words beating u making Sunghoon laugh again impressed by ur ability to lie that fast. Heeseung and Jay were grinning knowingly, Joy didn't seem to understand the whole situation but she shrugged continuing what she was doing on her phone. U finished eating not daring to lift ur head again rushing to clean the table and do the dishes and u almost tripped, ur legs still sore from earlier if it wasn't for Sunghoon who catched u his hands around your waist holding you close, he chuckled his lips next to your ear his hot breath tickling you "are u still thirsty?" he whispered making u push him away chewing on ur lips, he chuckled again "just kidding watch out ur steps" he said tickling ur chin and leaving, making u freeze on ur spot questioning wtf was that about before walking out to the kitchen.

Jay followed u the thought of u doing the dishes while obviously looking tired not clicking with him, he insisted to do them instead asking u to have a rest in ur room, u sighed defeated and went back to the living room not wanting to spend ur time alone knowing that u'll just gonna be having unnecessary thoughts so u hopped on the couch laying there next to Joy who was watching some random insta reels and she smiled creating more space for you "what are u watching?" u asked her softly, Joy positioned her phone to match it with ur sight "just some reels" and u nodded watching videos with her while talking about some random stuff, u sighed the mic on ur back making u uncomfortable, "u should sit in the middle" Joy suggested but u shook your head "it's fine" you replied and Joy frowned not satisfied but she didn't say anything.

After some minutes Sunghoon walked to the living room sitting accross from you, his eyes not leaving ur body and u tried not to meet his gaze, his stare was so intense and intimidating and u wished he ignored u like earlier, "y/n" he called your name and ur heart skipped a beat it was probably the first time u heard ur name skip his lips, Joy looked at him raising her eyebrow but watching ur interaction quietly "yes?" u answered voice almost unheard and Sunghoon smiled, he loves when ur all shy and awkward with him, he cleared his throat before speaking "u wanna go on a date with me?" he asked u making ur eyes widen u certainly was not expecting this from him especially and u were wondering for a second if u've heard him correctly "uh?" u managed to let out and Joy couldn't stop herself from giggling next to you, Sunghoon didn't lose his charming smile making ur insides melt not even bothering to repeat his question, u looked at Joy for help, this situation almost awkward, she was smiling at you encouraging you to give him an answer, "umm... sure" u said after some moments, Sunghoon was waiting patiently and he seemed happy with your reply and Joy clapped her hands excitedly "great then it's settled" she said and u could feel yourself drowning, not knowing what to do and what to expect ur face as red as Joy's phone case ur eyes still looking at Sunghoon who didn't drop his smile now smirking at u, his eyes so intense making u question ur respond "i hope i don't regret that" u mumbled only for u to hear.

This part has been sitting in my drafts for a long time sorry :( but yeah this was not how i wrote this part originally nd it really sucks that i didn't save it but yeah hope u enjoy ^^ the next part is gonna be super intense, spoiler: it'll be both Sunghoon and Heeseung focused and oh god this duo is a lot!

[peachhcs]

will bringing sam to something to bc for like a hockey thing and she’s his date and he’s proudly walking around with her on his arm

hockey formal

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

samy's in boston for will's hockey formal which means she finally meets all of his teammates that hear so much about her!

2.8k words

i kind of strayed off the path of what you requested, but i hope you like it!! this was so cutie to write, so pls send more in if y'all have any more requests :) (btw i finally used the actual names of the other hockey players on the team LMAO. everyone but connor is a guy on the bc hockey team) (so, the pics are gonna look big if ur on a computer but on mobile it’s fine LOL) (p.s.s my plan is to hopefully post every like 2 days! :) depending on my schoolwork load)

au masterlist

will's hands were around his phone as soon as he was done in the shower. the blonde didn't even take the time to change into clothes as he tapped away and stalked where samy's plane currently was. a grin curled onto his lips seeing her exactly thirty minutes away from the airport.

"what's got you so smiley?" eamon whacked his own towel against will's shoulder as he passed by the stall.

"girlfriend's coming to town," gabe answered with a smirk on his lips before will could even say a word. 

"ooh, the girlfriend, huh? has she been to boston yet?" eamon wondered with his own smile.

"is that the same girl who gave you those wicked hickeys a few weeks back?" mike poked his head into the conversation. his words had will blushing to the tips of his ears.

"yup, that's the one," ryan filled in as he leaned back into his stall.

"you mean to tell me hughes is coming here?" now connor joined the group and half the team in the locker room listened in while gaining knowledge of the star freshman's plans this weekend.

"she'll be at the formal tomorrow," will informed, finally throwing a t-shirt over his head. some of the guys let out oohs and ahhs at that information.

"we finally get to meet little hughesy??" colby exclaimed making the other boys chuckle.

"just don't be too weird, okay? do not bring up anything we talk about in here to her, promise?" will eyed his teammates seriously knowing how they got around the girlfriends. they were always sharing unwanted and lousy information that definitely did not need to get shared aloud.

"what? don't want her knowing we know how many times you guys have done it?" aidan teased earning hoots and hollers from the other juniors and seniors.

will's poor blush got even worse under the commotion. he saw ryan and gabe snickering to one another while sending the boy knowing looks. some teammates they were. 

"alright, shut up. just be normal if that's even possible for some of you," the freshman rolled his eyes, quickly disappearing from everyone to finish dressing himself.

"can't promise anything, smitty! get a few drinks in us and we're saying anything," jack called.

all will did was roll his eyes. he knew samy was used to hockey players and their antics, but he still didn't want his entire team making a fool of themselves in front of her. he wanted her to like them and them to like her. will was very big on gaining people's approval—especially samy. 

—

gabe and ryan happily tagged along to the airport with will. if the blonde didn't know any better, they were probably just as excited—maybe more—to see samy. something in will's heart warmed though knowing his linemates were so close with one of the people he cared the most about. he knew how much the two missed being in michigan and all of ellen's delicious homemade meals when they visited on the weekends. all of them were counting down the days they were all together again at the lake house.

the three were bouncing on their heels waiting by the gate while watching everyone unload from the plane. with them being so tall, they were able to see over most people's heads as they searched for samy's familiar mop of brown curls.

"i see her!" ryan exclaimed and the other spotted her also searching for them through the sea of people.

will began pushing his way forward to meet her in the middle. he felt like a little kid on christmas with how big his smile was and how tightly he embraced the girl when they finally met in the middle. his hug was so tight samy's feet lifted off the ground a little in a small spin.

"hey willie," samy beamed into his shoulder.

"hi pretty girl, missed you," the boy mumbled back, reluctantly letting her go for a moment. the girl's eyes spotted gabe and ryan hanging back, so she quickly jumped towards them.

"aw, my two favorites came to get me too," samy giggled as they both wrapped their arms around her shorter frame.

"good to see you too, hughesy. been a while," ryan chuckled.

"two favorites?" will cleared his throat, raising his eyebrow.

"obviously you're the first," the girl chuckled, tugging her arm back around her boyfriend after hugging ryan and gabe. the boy grinned as he basically smushed samy into his side. 

"someone's jealous,," gabe teased which only earned him a harsh glare from his friend. 

"you hungry at all? thinking about grabbing lunch with aram and drew back on campus," ryan wondered as the four made their way back down to baggage claim. 

"is that even a question? of course i'm hungry," samy beamed making the guys laugh. 

ryan and gabe helped grab samy's suitcase while catching up about soccer and school. will hung back, gladly letting his linemates talk since he's heard it all already from their nightly facetime calls. the smiles on ryan and gabe's faces were enough to tell will how much they enjoyed being around samy. it was something the blonde worried about when he first introduced them two years ago, but he should've known there was nothing to worry about. 

obviously samy got shotgun in will's car, so the guys stuffed themselves into the backseats. samy excitedly told them about her spring season while they chimed in with small tidbits from hockey. 

"did smitty tell you all the guys on the team are excited to meet you tomorrow?" ryan wondered. 

"they are?" samy giggled to herself while both boys nodded.

"you should've heard them in the locker room earlier," gabe grinned while will eyed him through the rearview mirror. 

"you're kind of a big deal to them i guess," will mumbled a bit shyly. his ears turned a slight pink thinking back to their teasing remarks. 

"so i've heard. i can't wait to meet them," the brunette chuckled. 

lunch with the six of them felt like old times back in michigan. somethimg about being all together and laughing like they hadn't been apart the last few months brought a sense of comfort and nostalgia knowing that in a few years they really weren't going to be together like that. 

samy and will retreated back to his dorm afterwards to spend some much needed alone time together before tomorrow. the girl grinned when her eyes caught sight of will's new wall decorations as soon as she stepped into the room. 

"aw, you two took my suggestions," she beamed and glanced over at gabe's side too. 

samy's heart warmed seeing so many pictures of her on will's side. he had three framed photos and probably 10-15 mixed into the photo collage on his wall. a smile crept onto the blonde's lips watching his girlfriend inspect every aspect of his side since she last visited. 

"this one's my favorite," he pointed to one of the many photos in the collage. 

samy ws laughing at something whoever took the photo said, but will's eyes had never left her. the gaze in his eyes said a lot more than words could. 

"wait, i didn't even know this picture existed. when was that?" the girl wondered, jumping onto will's bed to get a better look.

"like last summer?" the boy shrugged some. 

"i didn't even realize you were looking at me," samy giggled. 

"i know. that's why i like it," her eyes flicked to will's and that same stare from the photo was in his eyes. a small blush painted her cheeks as she quickly looked away before he noticed. 

"it was nice seeing the guys. i missed them," samy changed the subject as she sunk further into will's bed. 

"they were really excited to see you. they really miss michigan. i do too," the boy kicked his shoes off to join her. his words softened out samy's expression. 

"best two years ever having you guys so close by. i can't wait for summer," her voice dropped a little knowing how far off summer was still. 

will's arm curled around her waist to bringing her into him. "me neither. this long distance sucks, but i'm glad you're here. tomorrow's gonna be fun," his fingers carefully brushed some of her hair away from her face. 

a teasing smile grew on samy's lips, "how bad are they gonna chirp at you?" she knew all too well about his teammates constant teasing. 

"hopefully not too bad. i told them to cool it," will mumbled with an embarrassing blush that samy adored nonetheless. 

the two spent the rest of the afternoon in each other's arms after two long months apart. gabe came back later that night to the sight of them sound asleep and some random movie playing off of will's computer. the dark-haired boy quickly snapped a photo before shutting will's laptop and placing it somewhere safe. he quickly sent the photo to the freshman group chat, a smirk on his lips as he got himself ready for bed. 

—

will stood in front of the full length mirror getting his tie ready while samy got herself ready in the bathroom. he'd be lying if he said he wasn't just a little nervous for tonight. the hockey player knew his teammates would like her—they literally fangirl over her—he was just afraid they'd become too much or something. 

gabe threw his suit jacket over his shoulders while trying to look over will in the mirror. "dude, you're hogging the mirror," the dark-haired boy complained. 

"i'm almost done," will mumbled, fidgeting with his collar now. 

"go look at yourself next to your girlfriend in the bathroom," gabe shoved will out of the way. the blonde stumbled sideways, catching himself on the door. 

"dude," the blonde glared at him. 

"what? there's a bathroom for a reason," gabe shrugged, seemingly unbothered by pushing his friend out of the way. 

will rolled his eyes before gently knocking on the bathroom door. "yeah?" samy asked. 

"can i come in? gabe's kicking me away from our mirror," will wondered. he heard samy laugh and then a yes, so he carefully pushed the door open. 

the sight in front of him made the boy stop in his tracks. samy leaned over the counter trying to apply mascara and her dress was one will hadn't seen before. the material was satin or something because it shined in the light and hugged all of the right places. blue was most definitely samy's color. 

"like what you see?" the brunette smirked. she caught will's wandering eyes through the mirror, finally turning to him once she had her mascara on. 

pink colored will's skin from his neck to his ears. "you look beautiful," he mumbled, slowly stepping further into the bathroom and letting the door close a bit. 

"you don't look bad yourself," samy smiled at his all black suit and tie look. 

will stepped forward even more so his one arm could snake around samy's waist. he pulled her into his chest while his eyes shamelessly dropped down to her chest area and back up. "i can't believe you're mine," he nearly whispered making the girl chuckle. 

"you're sweet. i think i'm almost ready," samy's hands brushed back some of will's unruly curls. he flushed under her touch and brought her to his lips before he let her go. 

their kiss was filled with a lot of love. will's grasp on her waist kept her in place, kissing her deeper which allowed him to push his tongue into her mouth. samy's hands toyed with the hair on the nape of his neck, indulging in her boyfriend's slight neediness before she needed to finish getting ready. his boyish instincts started taking over as his other hand began sliding down past her waist. 

before he could reach her butt, samy pulled herself away. "i gotta finish getting ready. don't wanna be late," she giggled. 

will let out a small groan in protest, "you're annoying." 

"maybe." 

samy turned back to the sink, eyeing her makeup scattered across the counter. will's eyes did one last once-over of his girlfriend before tearing his eyes away and doing his finishing touches. another five minutes went by and the couple was finally ready. gabe looked up from his bed, smiling at the two.

"finally. scared i'd have to walk in there myself," he joked. 

will rolled his eyes while samy just chuckled. the three headed out of the dorm where they met ryan, drew, aram, and will vote downstairs to drive over together. the seven exchanged their hello's before dividing everyone up between will, drew, and ryan's cars. gabe stuck himself with will and samy, so the three continued out to the parking lot. 

samy smiled when will opened her door for her. 

"so charming," gabe mumbled as he climbed into the back. 

"wish he did that for me," ryan laughed as he walked by. 

poor will knew he wasn't going to escape the chirping all weekend, especially tonight. the drive into downtown stayed uneventful with minimal comments from gabe. they pulled into what looked like a very fancy bar in the heart of the city. samy hooked her arm around will's as the three walked in. a lot of the upperclassmen were already there mingling and their attention was caught when samy and will walked in. 

"yo, smitty!" aidan exclaimed, running around the bar to the couple. 

"what's up, hreschuck," will grinned. 

"you must be samy. we've heard a lot about you," aidan turned to the girl beside his teammate. 

"it's good to meet you," the two exchanged a friendly hug before the older player went to greet gabe. 

"it's her! it's little hughesy!" connor jumped up, running to hug samy. 

"connor miller! it's been forever since i saw you," the brunette laughed. she remembered connor playing with luke in the ntdp before they headed off to separate schools. 

"i know! when i heard you were smitty's girl i just couldn't believe it. how's your brothers?" the older boy wondered. 

"they're good. quinn's in van. jack and luke are in jersey. i'm the only one left in michigan," samy chuckled a little. 

"god, i can't believe moosey's in jersey. i can't believe you're old enough to be in college. you play soccer right?" 

will lingered beside samy while the smile on his lips grew. he never put two and two together that samy would know some of these guys through her brothers. he loved seeing her eyes so bright talking to connor about her brothers and soccer knowing she'd talk nonstop about them at any chance she got. maybe he wouldn't get chirped at as much as he thought. 

just as will thought that, colby and mike bounced over to where the couple was. "aw, she really does exist," colby cut into the conversation causing will's face to flush. 

"i'm colby. that's mike. we've heard a lot about you being smitty's girl," colby continued as he held his hand out. 

"it's nice to finally meet you guys," samy laughed, shaking their hands. 

"don't pay much mind to them. colby's going a little crazy tonight since he's graduating in a few months," connor laughed. 

"can do whatever i want and they won't kick me off the team," the older guy shrugged. 

"sometimes we thought smitty was lying about dating you," mike chimed in. 

"yeah, sometimes i don't believe it either," samy joined into their teasing. her gaze slid towards her boyfriend still beside her who blushed hard. 

"i mean he definitely picked a good one," colby nodded. 

"why don't you guys get some drinks and food before the other guys eat it all," connor laughed, pushing samy and will further into the bar and pretty much saving them from more of mike and colby's annoying remarks. 

"jesus, sorry about them," will mumbled when they were out of ear shot. 

"don't apologize. i thought it was funny," samy shook her head with a smile. 

"they don't know how to shut up ever," the blonde rolled his eyes. 

"you forget i'm used to it after growing up with three brothers who have hockey friends of their own," the girl giggled making will flush. 

"i know. i know. thanks for coming again," will placed a chaste kiss to her lips. 

samt stuck to will's side for most of the night, but she enjoyed seeing him in his comfort zone. all of the guys on the team were so close with one another. the upperclassmen treated the underclassmen like brothers despite the slight chirping. she could tell how much will loved it and how much he fit in with them. 

even though her boyfriend did most of the talking, she was glad to be at his side in a pretty dress for the night supporting him in what he loved the most. 

[littlest-w01f]

Heated

Eris x Rheana (See Rheana here)

For @acotar-omegaverse-week

Omegaverse week 2024 Masterlist

Day 2: Turning Up The Heat

Summary: Eris had kept this side of him a secret for so long that he didn't think he'd get so desperate for his mate when his heat hit

Cw: Heat, pegging, Alpha!Rheana, Omega!Eris, FxM, mentions of B*ron's abuse of Eris at the end, Smut 18+ MDNI

A/n: I would like to really thank the week mods for giving me an excuse for writing Rheana pegging Eris cause I've been dreaming about this moment since day one

Rheana walked the halls of the Autumn palace, looking for Eris, she could sense his distress through their bond, and should've known something was wrong with him when he excused himself from a very important meeting, something he normally wouldn't do, she found him in their shared chambers.

Eris lay on the bed, gasping for breath, as Rheana entered the chamber, her keen senses immediately picked up on the change in Eris's scent. The normal aroma was now laced with a heady sweetness, unmistakable evidence of his heat. His body glistened with sweat, each muscle taut and quivering as he struggled to catch his breath.

She reached out a hand, gently brushing back a strand of damp hair from his forehead. "Eris," she whispered softly, her voice a soothing balm to his frayed nerves. "It's okay, my love. I'm here for you."

"Rhea..." Eris whined, chest rising as her skilled hands worked his tunic off, "I... I don't... I don't know what's wrong with me."

Rheana's eyes softened, "Oh baby, nothing is wrong with you... You've just gone into heat."

Eris groaned at Rheana's words, his body writhing under her touch. He tried to speak but all that came out were guttural sounds of need and desire. His eyes fluttered open, revealing dark eyes clouded with lust, reflecting the burning fire within him.

Rheana's fingers deftly removed his tunic, exposing his chiselled torso. Every inch of him seemed to burn hotter than usual, every nerve ending screaming for relief. His cock twitched against his pants, straining.

"Rhea," he moaned again, reaching out for her. "Please… help me."

Rheana nodded, her fingers deftly working at Eris's pants, freeing his hard cock. His clothes fell away, and he lay bare, body burning with arousal, the scent of his slick thick in the air.

"I know it must seem overwhelming," Rheana continued, her voice low and comforting. "But we'll get through this. Just remember how good it feels once we're through, alright?"

Eris nodded weakly, unable to form coherent thoughts anymore. All he could focus on was the throbbing ache between his legs, begging for release. His cock sprang free, standing proud and eager, dripping precum wherever it could reach.

Rheana's hands were gentle yet firm as they caressed his thighs, spreading them wide to give her better access. Her touch sent sparks shooting through his veins, making him buck his hips upwards instinctively as she gave his cock a few strokes before leaning in to lick at the head, sucking softly.

"Oh-" he breathed out, watching as Rheana leaned down to take him into her mouth.

Eris's back arched off the bed as Rheana's warm, wet mouth enveloped his throbbing cock. Her tongue swirled around the sensitive head, teasing and coaxing out more precum. She took him deeper, her mouth massaging his cock as she bobbed up and down.

"E-ahh! Rhea!" Eris cried out, his hands tangling in her hair to have some semblance of hold. His hips rocked in time with her strokes, trying to fuck her face with desperate abandon, but she moved at her own pace. The sensation was intense, bordering on pain, but he couldn't stop, didn't want to stop. Not until he exploded down her throat and from the scent of his pheromones, Rheana knew he wouldn't last long at all.

The pleasure coursing through Eris's body was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. Each stroke of Rheana's talented tongue sent waves of ecstasy crashing over him. He pulled her closer, his cock hitting the back of her throat with every thrust.

His breathing grew ragged, his moans turning into pleas for release. "Rhea… I'm close," he panted out, feeling the coil inside him tightening rapidly.

Rheana hummed around his cock, her hand moving to the curve of his ass, fingers trailing till they found his hole wet with slick, watching his reaction she plunged a single finger in.

The unexpected intrusion made Eris cry out loudly, his entire body tensing up. But the shock quickly turned into pleasure as Rheana's finger began to move inside him, stretching and preparing him for what was to come and he exploded down her throat. He bucked wildly against her mouth as Rheana drank his release, licking him clean, the dual sensations of her lips working his cock and her finger probing his ass nearly too much to bear in his aftershock, twitching slightly. "Fuck! Rheana… please…"

She pulled off his cock, giving the underside a few long licks, "Please what, my sweet omega?" She teased, her finger still moving in his ass.

Eris's mind was foggy with lust, his thoughts fragmented and incoherent. All he knew was that he needed more, needed Rheana to fill him completely. "Please… fuck me," he begged, his voice strained and desperate. "I need you inside me, now."

"Aww, look at you, you've leaned to beg so sweet," Rheana cooed, using her free hand to stroke his cock as she added another finger in his ass, stretching him

The addition of a second finger sent Eris spiralling even further into madness. He screamed out loud, his body shaking violently under Rheana's relentless assault. His cock throbbed in her hand, slowly growing hard again.

"Cauldron… yes!" he roared, feeling her fingers curl inside him, stroking that sweet spot that drove him insane. "I'm…!"

The second orgasm hit Eris like a sudden tidal wave, sweeping him off his feet and carrying him away on its crest. His cock pulsed violently in Rheana's hand, his seed spurting forth in thick ropes that landed on his own chest and stomach. His cries echoed throughout the room, raw and primal, as he rode out the waves of pleasure that racked his body.

As the spasms finally subsided, leaving him panting heavily, Eris managed to open his eyes. He looked down at himself, covered in his own cum, and then at Rheana who was still there between his spread legs. A lazy smile crept onto his lips, satisfaction painting his features.

"Feeling better, my darling?" Rheana cooed, asking softly, still stroking him in his after-shock, "Do you want more?"

Eris let out a content sigh, feeling utterly spent but also incredibly sated. His muscles relaxed, the tension seeping out of him slowly. "Yes," he admitted breathlessly, looking into Rheana's eyes. "I always want more when it comes to you."

Rheana stood up to her full height, pulling her fingers out of his ass, he didn't know when, but she had removed her clothes, his eyes wide as he sees her wearing her strap, deep purple in colour and fit her taste perfectly, "Well then, hope you're prepared." She smiled sweetly.

Eris watched, captivated, as Rheana stood up. His gaze drifted lower, taking in the sight of her naked body, curves highlighted in the dim lighting of their bedroom. His eyes widened further when he saw the strap hanging from her hips. He swallowed hard, anticipation coursing through his veins.

"I'm ready," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "For whatever you want to do to me."

She smiled, getting on top of him to position herself on him, Eris gasped as he felt the tip of the strap against his ass, she pushed in fully, stretching his ass completely he groaned sharply as Rheana impaled him on her strap-on, the thick shaft stretching his ass to its limits. He felt every inch of her penetrate him, filling him completely. The pressure was intense, almost painful, but it was a good kind of pain, one that only served to heighten his arousal.

His hands flew to her hips, gripping tightly as he tried to adjust to the sudden invasion. Rheana started to move, her hips rolling in a slow, deliberate rhythm that had Eris moaning in ecstasy. With each thrust, he felt himself being driven deeper into the mattress, his body submitting completely to hers.

The sound of flesh slapping against flesh filled the room as Rheana pumped her hips, driving the glass strap in and out of Eris's stretched asshole. The slickness of his own fluids provided the perfect lubrication, allowing her to move with ease.

Eris's moans grew louder, more desperate, as he surrendered to the pleasure. His hands gripped her hips harder, urging her on, pleading silently for more. The sensation of being filled so completely, of having his ass pounded by Rheana's strap, hitting the sweet spot inside him with every stroke, was intoxicating, driving him closer and closer to the brink of another orgasm.

Eris loved every moment of being pegged by Rheana, relishing in the way her hips ground against his ass, the way her strap filled him completely. He could feel every ridge and bump of the glass toy, each movement sending sparks of pleasure shooting through his body.

His moans were constant, his body writhing beneath hers as he gave himself over to the pleasure entirely. His cock throbbed with need, precum leaking steadily from the tip. He was so close, teetering on the edge of another powerful orgasm, pain and pleasure twisting in his belly.

Eris' eyes filled with tears as Rheana leaned forward to kiss his eyes, kissing all over his face, his eyes rolled back in pleasure as Rheana leaned forward to claim his lips in a hard kiss, his legs locked around her as she claimed him with every thrust, "Shhh... Baby, just feel me."

The kiss was hard and passionate, matching the intensity of their lovemaking. As Rheana continued to pound into him, her movements became more erratic, less controlled. Her grip on his hips tightened, her nails digging into his skin slightly.

Eris tried to meet her every thrust, his legs locking around her waist to pull her even closer. The sensation of her strap plunging into him, coupled with the taste of her lips on his, the taste of his cum on her lips and tongue, was enough to send him spiralling towards climax once again.

After several more minutes of relentless pounding, Eris's body finally succumbed to the overwhelming pleasure. He cried out loudly, his orgasm hitting him like a freight train. His cock twitched and spasmed, releasing yet another load of cum onto his stomach.

He went limp underneath Rheana, completely spent and satisfied. His body was covered in a layer of his own sticky fluid, making him look like a work of art. But despite his exhaustion, he couldn't help but reach out for her, wanting to hold onto her as he both came down from his high.

Rheana gently touched his cheeks bringing a small smile to Eris's lips, despite the exhaustion clouding his mind. As she slowly pulled out of him, he let out a low groan, feeling the stretch of his ass as she withdrew.

She took care not to hurt him, her movements slow and measured. She slid off to the side, waving her strap away the way she had done with her clothes, cleaning him fully with the same motion, laying beside him and pulling him into a tender embrace. Her arms wrapped around him, holding him close as they both caught their breath.

Eris clung to Rheana's muscular arms, his fingers digging into her flesh as he held onto her tightly. Soft tears left his eyes, trickling down over the bridge of his nose, his temples and onto the pillow beneath him. He wasn't sure why he was crying, maybe it was just relief from the intense session they'd just had.

Regardless of the reason, he buried his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply. The scent of her, mixed with the lingering smell of sweat and sex, was comforting.

"Eris, you never have to be embarrassed about your needs ever again." Rheana sighed, holding her omega close to her, still sensing his heat, stroking his back gently, "I know you were never allowed to feel your urges fully, but now you can..." She knew, his father had forced him on supplements after whipping him through his heats to try to force him to control his pheromones, but he had failed, because no omega could hold their urges during their heat forever, it wasn't natural to.

He snuggled closer to her, enjoying the warmth of her body and the steady beat of her heart. Despite everything, he felt safe and loved in her arms, something he hadn't experienced in a long time. "You didn't get to cum..." He whispered, his eyes heavy.

"We can worry about me late," Rheana kissed his temple, sending him off to sleep. "Rest well, my love,"

{General Taglist - @nox-ceur @lilah-asteria @paleidiot @dee-writes-smut @adalia-jaycee @anarchiii @alwayshave-faith}

{Eris Taglist - @fxckmiup @slut4acotar @secret-third-thing @shadowsingers-mate @fieldofdaisiies}

{Flames and Darkness Taglist - @anuttellaa @tuggboatfishin @inloveallthetime}

[slvttysstuff]

REBOUND chapter 3

(jay jo x reader)

Chapter 1:

https://www.tumblr.com/slvttysstuff/738042134255583232/rebound?source=share

chapter 2:

https://www.tumblr.com/slvttysstuff/738478643741884416/rebound?source=share

summary: months after shelly and jay broke up he found himself in a relationship with you while he hasn't moved on yet from his past lover (shelly)

Warning: angst, grammatical errors

Note: I'll be taking some scenes from the original story line of wb and I'll be changing some of it also^^

⊹¤.•⨳•.*☆✬✬☆*.•⨳•.¤⊹

Weekend ended as fast as I thought and now I'm standing outside the room debating whether I should enter or leave and stay at home for a couple of days, Im not ready to see him yet..

Recalling what Vinny told me I closed my eyes as I hold my breath, slowly opening the door, Suddenly before I could fully opened it someone already did it for me, Dom screamed as soon as he saw me

" ahh- god! You scared me! " Dom yelled as he put his hands on his chest, I mumbled a small sorry to him " what are you even doing outside the door? " Dom asked " anyways, you're nerdy boyfriend is waiting for you " Dom continue as my eyes completely went from Dom to jay who was already looking at me though his glasses, I Immediately looked away not wanting to have staring contest with him

' just ignore him, what's so hard on ignoring someone..or just act normal like before when you were still on your right mind '

Suddenly vinny's words rang through my head, I grip my bag tightly, I looked back at Dom and giving him a small smile before walking inside the room, I sat on my chair that was near at the window, once I sat there, I took my books and start studying before the class started

I feel a pair of eyes looking at my way but I didn't bother to look who it was, it's pretty obvious that it was jay

Dismissal time appered and everyone was now leaving the room while the others were packing up their bags, I was currently putting my belongings back to my bag when minu entered the room and talking about having a training after class today as he asked if the others will be attending

" hey nerd you going? " Minu asked, " yeah " jay answered which made me feel nervous, I'll be training with him fuck.

" you're being quiet today y/n? Are you okay? " Yuna suddenly went to my side as she holds my shoulder looking at me, " i-im fine Yuna thank you " I answered smiling at her gently her worried look hasn't vanished yet, she looks like she's not believing what I said

" what about you y/n? You going? " Dom asked I looked at them who were already looking at me, I nodded my head as an answer " did something happened to the two of you? " Minu asked as he keeps on looking at jay and me " you haven't Interacted yet since this morning " Dom said agreeing on what minu said

maybe I should tell them now

Silence engulfed us, no one dared to talk or speak, I sighed feeling uncomfortable

" we broke up " I answered earning a shocking look from Dom, minu, yuna and Mia while jay was only looking down at his book pretending not to be bother by what I've said

" we should get going now guys so we can practice " I said I acted as if my words didn't hurt me, I gave them a small smile " don't think about what I said, it's completely fine, jay and I talked about it " we did not " right jay? " I said as I looked over to jay who looked at me after I called out his name, everyone looks at him waiting for his answer " yeah.." he answered

" I hope June recovers quickly" minu said as he sighed, last week June was gang up with some dudes, they beat him up and his bike then after some day jay also encountered the same guys who beaten June, luckily we were there to help jay

" I'll beat those motherfuckers when I saw them again " Dom said as he clenched his fists but only to received a slap on the head by Yuna " you idiot! Will you stop acting so though? Stop getting into fight! All of you " yuna said scolding us

" the tournament again was near, who do you think we will race next? " Minu brought up while everyone just shrugged their shoulders, I looked over to jay who was busy ready his book, we were currently having a rest that's why he took the opportunity to study again

" how can you move on when you kept on looking at him? "

Vinny suddenly said, I looked at him annoyed " I'm not looking at him " I lied " who are you looking at then huh? Idiot " Vinny said once again, I bit my lips not knowing what to say " t-the.." I stutter as I looked back at jay and starts looking for something to answer at vinny's question " yeah right! I was looking at the tree there! It was beautiful!" I said and pointed the tree, Vinny's looks turned sour as he gave me a ' the fuck are you saying ' look

" I swear! I was looking over the tree " I repeated as he rolled his eyes " idiot " he muttered, " I'm not an idiot" I said looking at him with full annoyance " I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the tree " he said sarcastically, pointing the tree behind me I looked over to the tree and looked back at him only to see his finger pointing at me already, I slap his arms I was too bothered to not notice the eyes of the others looking at our way

" since when the two became so close? " Dom muttered receiving a ' I don't know either' from minu, yuna, and Mia

You also didn't noticed the looks that jay was giving at the two of you, and he can't help but to feel jealous at the scene...

im debating whether to let you ended up with Vinny or still at jay😭 what do you think?

[makethemhoesmad]

Sorry this took me a minute to officially get out and so sorry if it’s bad. This is my first time actually releasing my writing for anyone to read other than me. It’s also kinda short because 1) I only worked on it for around a weekish and the latest episode parts of the night 2) I really wanted to get at least the prologue out before the end of the week which I did so yay me! But honestly if you have any tips, critiques or recommendations for the next part I will really appreciate it!! Enjoy lovelys🫶

🪐

(this has also not been proof read or really edited once I officially finish part one I will probably re-do this I have just been busy and wanted to get this done. I’m also not 100% sure about the title so if you have a opinion on that lmk babe)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take me home

prologue: Beginning of the end

Pairing: paige bueckers x Azzi fudd

Themes: promptly fluff

Warnings: none that i’m aware of!

June 26th 2018

(Paige’s pov)

It was the final week of the rounds for try-outs for team USA when we were split into two teams that we would be on this week. Some of the girls on my team I recognized from the previous try-out days.

There was one girl I didn't recognize, but she was pretty good from what i’ve seen. There wasn't any denying she was going to make the team. As I watched the girl walk over to the water table I had convinced myself to go and talk to her.

“Hey i’m paige” I extend my hand out giving the briefly smaller girl, who’s currently sliding on the jerseys we got during the beginning of try-outs.

"Oh" The girl slightly jumped. "Um sorry hi, Azzi" She smiled reaching her hand out to meet mine.

Her smile immediately lights up the room instantly causing me too return one to the slightly shorter girl. Once our hands meet the feeling of warmth they bring to my normally cold hands, and the instant feeling of comfort she brings me.

"-uh Paige?" Bringing me back from whatever I was a soft, and gentle voice calling out my name.

"Sorry, zoned out for a minute" I responded with a reassuring smile trying not to make it awkward. "But uh, Azzi like Jennifer Azzi?"

"Yeah, actually it is" Her comforting smile now bigger than before she explains while I just listen throwing in my thoughts here and there to keep our conversation afloat. But before I knew it, it had already been fifteen minutes and we were about to start practicing.

"-But uh fun fact! you’re the first person outside of my family to know where I got my name from" The now grinning girl confessed as we were walking to the baseline.

By the time we reached the other side of the court we then started running simple exercises and drills. Which had eventually got tiring enough before coach had finally ended today’s session.

"Okay ladies good practice, remember to get some rest and be prepared for tomorrow we will be splitting up starting tomorrow. And I believe that is all I have for you, you are dismissed" Coach explained for the following day officially ending practice.

Before leaving I caught up to the girl currently walking ahead of me before stopping her. "I think it's cool you know" I looked at the girl in front of me with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Your name. I think it's cool that you're named after someone that good" I couldn't help but smile at the girl before walking out of the arena in the hot summer air.

ahh! it’s finally out once again i’m sorry if it didn’t reach any expectations so please please let me know your thoughts and would appreciate your feedback! bye babe🫶

ong rhis is amazing

[xtreme-cringe-warning]

Introduction post thing

I’m a minor and cool with any pronouns

Currently “working on” multiple fics at the same time :(

Heavily addicted to identity porn and that trope where 2 characters have to share a body

Feel free to send me asks about random stuff, I’m bored af and have nothing better to do

I don’t do comms but I might in the future

I am not exactly the most mentally stable person so pls be nice to me :>

My tags and stuff

but here’s the yapper

inbox shenanigans, inbox lol, inbox

shitty ahh art

“playlist”, music shitz

List of all my AUs under the cut

Technically not an AU (basically just fucked up post-canon)

AdventureTime: Mezmerized

Simon dies and woke up in Shermy’s body Tag: AT Mezmerized

AUs

Convoluted and Entwined (Ninjago)

Basically just me rewriting Ninjago and accidentally making it kinda cringe

Listener, Observer (AdventureTime)

The crown broke and Simon is normal again except that when he takes it off for too long, he starts dying. Ice King also takes over from time to time. They communicate by leaving notes for eachother. Both are awear of eachother but don’t know that they are the same person. Tag: listener observer

Connected Fate (fnaf sb)

Glammike au where CC and Gregory share a body (I like it when characters are forced to share the same body, bite me) CC and Gregory doesn’t know about Mike and Mike also doesn’t know about CC btw Tag: connected fate

Flowers (OK KO)

A few weeks after LaserBlast’s death, Carol receives a strange letter from someone claiming to be LB, saying that he’s not dead. It has been years now and the letters are still coming

[stayinguplate]

YANDERE Golb Betty x reader part 2

Sorry if the gif sucks I tried to get a good clip in but yeah, so I probably kept you guys waiting a little while sorry about that I am not feeling good I’m literally so sick and i still got to go to school I need to learn but it’s not so bad I guess my birthday is next week!.

Ok sorry on to the story this story will have yandere behavior .

(Please read part one it might be confusing if you don’t read the last part maybe)(edited)

Other than that please enjoy the story :3

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

<

<

<

<

I slowly woke up in pain as I couldn’t feel anything I opened my eyes as I saw myself tied up with glowing blood red rope

“ your awake my dear human “

I jumped slightly in fear as Betty’s loud voice spoke

“ Betty please don’t do anything harsh I promise to never do anything to hurt you I know I might have in the past but now I promise never again…I love you betty”

I then heard a loud laughter “Love me? You think that's enough to make me let you leave? “ as she makes the rope tighter “darling you're stuck with me wether you like it or not~”

"Ahh!" I yelped as she made to rope even tighter as it got hard to breathe " ...B... Betty that hurt a little bit " i say as I feel her pick up my tied up body as she just laughs

laughs” I know it hurts darling~ that's the point~ “ starts to squeeze tighter

I groan in pain as I started to struggle as she had her whole hand around me now “ Betty please……I can’t…breathe “ I gasped for air fearing everything that she could be doing

I whimpered slightly as i trued to get out of the tight grasp and tried to get away weakly in pain

As golb Betty giggles” oh sweetheart it's just pain~ pain is fun~ now no struggling~“ as she drags her finger nail along your cheek gently tempted to scratch you and make a mark

I whimpered again in fear and started trembling " Betty....y...you're scaring...me" her tone darkens a bit “ good~ fear makes it so much fun~ “ she then scratched you face leaving a slightly big scratch leaving it to swell up

>

"Betty please I don't want to die!" I yelled out panicked and in more pain as I felt helpless in her grasp

As she then evily smiles again “ oh we both know you're not going to die sweetheart~ no one is going to hurt my precious human~ “ as she then cresses your wounded face "Betty please stop..." I begged as

my pain got worse when she touched my face but her grip looseness on my body as she shrinks down to a normal human’s size and i still was in the ropes less tight but that soon stopped as she grabbed me a pinned me down to the floor on the weird shaped green cube

laughs “ aww is my sweet human begging to stop now? I will never stop darling never~”

starts to use her magic to make the rope around me squeeze even tighter

"please....i.." I started to

struggle breathing as the I tried to talk knowing that my body will have horrible bruises

>

covers your mouth with her hand * “shhh~ no talking my sweet human ~” your pretty whimpers are all mine and i love and want to hear them ~”

turned then turned my head away to speak"ILL DO ANYTHING!!!…......please just stop...." I yelled out as my body felt numb from the tight grip she had on the rope as I then felt her sit on top of me not laying on me anymore but leans down to your ear

And then whispers on your ear”anything darling?” She whispered in your ear seductively

I groan in pain "…..y...yes Betty... anything...." responded weakly and trying to breathe normally again as Betty gives a toothy smile “ alright sweetheart~ I want you to always listen to me, don't question me and never try to escape~”

As she releases grip on the rope and stands up and proceeds to pick you up

I weakly lay in her arms as I couldn't feel my body as it felt sore

strokes your cheek gently “ you're so cute when you're terrified and limp in my arms ~” picks you up and begins to carry you away

giggles “I'll take care of you now my sweet human~” she said in a sweet venom tone a siren’s voice almost as I felt myself my mind becoming blank as I felt myself wanting to agree with Betty as I felt an itchy mark on my neck

“ get used to it,a little reminder that you’re not leaving me…ever “ as she smirked as shr took me into a room inside the weird shaped cube

<

<

<

<

<

<

<

<

<

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

I hope you guys enjoyed the second part of the story i really hope I wrote the character right and I hope you all had a good day night or afternoon bye guys until next time:3

( a cute picture of golb Betty as a human that’s what I wanted to picture her in the story like that)

[spookyserenades]

This isn’t a question but I’m about to re-read Trouvaille’s current chapters from the beginning lol. (It’s just so good and I miss them even tho I just read the new chapter a few days ago)

I think I might start a timer and see how long it takes me - I’m going to read at my normal pace and really like absorb the story but I think it could be interesting to see - so I might update if I remember to pause and start the timer (I’ll probably sleep at least once during my read through - unless I yolo it and stay up all night)

Anyways thank you for writing and sharing this story! I love it and I can’t wait to read more!

OMG!!! I hope you're enjoying the re-read!! There are soo many chapters now (I think I've written the equivalent to The Deathly Hallows, maybe even more 💀) So hopefully it keeps you entertained until Chapter 18 comes out in 2 weeks 💜 But also I'm so !!! ahh!!!! Thank you so much for loving Trouvaille so much to re-read it, that means a lot to me 🥺

Omggggg If you did time it let me know how long it took you!! On Wattpad it says that the 17 chapters would take 1.5 days to read 💀 and that's nonstop!!

Thank youuuu for reading and loving the story honey!! Can't wait to update you again with another installment 🥰

[tortranslates]

UNDEAD Climax Event: Split Paths - The Admired Figure and Flashbacks: Otogari Adonis Mini-talks

Pre-TL Note: Thank you for your patience! I thought Adonis's mini-talks were really cute, so they were a pleasure to translate. I hope you enjoy them!

Mini-talk 1 (Conveying Feelings through Writing):

Adonis: Hm…The documents you make are always so easy to understand. Thanks for letting me read them. You have a nice writing style. I can feel your consideration for the person reading it in every word. I wish I could prepare something like this too, but I wonder if I’ve got what it takes.

→I think you’re just not used to it.

Adonis: You think so? Then, maybe I’ll be able to improve someday if I take the chance to write every day. I’ve gotten used to writing short messages, so from now on I’ll try to be more conscious of writing longer ones.

→Would you like some advice?

Adonis: Are you going to help me? I think if you taught me, I could improve quickly. Fufu. If you ever need my help, you can always call on me. [1]

→Whom you want to show it to is important.

Adonis: You mean I should think about the person who’s reading it? In your case, I think that feeling really shines through. I don’t think I’ve considered that until now. I’ll try to be more aware of it from now on.

Mini-talk 2 (Conveying Feelings through Writing):

Adonis: That reminds me, I have something I want to ask you. There’s something in the documents I don’t understand. There’s a word in this sentence that I’ve never seen before. What does it mean? Hm? Ahh, it was just a kanji typo, huh? Sorry about that, I didn’t notice.

→You pay really close attention, huh?

Adonis: I know. I’m reading every detail to make sure I don’t miss anything. I’m the one who’s in trouble if something happens, after all. Since it causes problems for the people around me if I miss anything, I have to be extra careful with work-related documents.

→I didn’t notice it either.

Adonis: So anyone can make a mistake like this, huh? I’m glad I was able to notice it. I guess it’s something that someone has to show you first in order to get it. I’d like you to tell me when I make mistakes, too.

→Please let me know if there are any other mistakes.

Adonis: Since you were so careful with every page, I think it’s okay. You should have more faith in yourself. Your work really is incredible, I promise.

Mini-talk 3 (Conveying Feelings through Writing):

Adonis: Ahh, I get it now. I’ll share these with the other members of UNDEAD. I’m grateful you took the time to bring me these even though you’re so busy. Speaking of which, if any of us have any questions, can we reach out to you on Hold-Hands?

→Sure, go ahead!

Adonis: Alright, we’ll do that. You can reply whenever you have time. I’d appreciate it if you would continue to look after me.

→You can ask the next time we meet up, too.

Adonis: Should we do that then? Although, I don’t know when we’ll be able to get together again…No, I don’t have anything to back this up, but we should be able to meet up again soon. I can’t wait.

→If you ask me to, I’ll come again.

Adonis: Really? I feel bad for making you come all the way to the office. I think I should come to you next time. I’ll go anywhere, so let me know if you know a good place for us to meet.

Mini-talk 4 (Colored Paper Memento [2]):

Adonis: It looks like we still have a little while before the car will be here. It’s nice that we can do a lot of different things as HELLSING, [3] but not being able to see the senpai really does make me feel lonely. Producer, do you know how they’re doing?

→They’re doing well.

Adonis: You saw them a week ago? I see, that’s goo to hear. Oogami didn’t say anything, but he looked like he wanted to know too. This is the best solution for the situation, but..I think that the first order of business is doing our part properly.

→Why don’t you reach out to them?

Adonis: Actually, I sent Hakaze-senpai a message, but he hasn’t answered. Normally he would answer right away, but maybe I just didn’t see it…? I hope I can reach him…

→What do you think?

Adonis: I’m sure they’re fine, but I can’t help but worry. If you have the chance to see them, let me know how they’re doing.

Mini-talk 5 (Colored Paper Memento):

Adonis: That reminds me, I found this colored paper while I was cleaning my room earlier. I wanted to show it to you, so I took a picture. Here, take a look. Fufu, Kanzaki really has amazing handwriting. His personality really shines through in his letters. His signature is different now, but I think it has a certain charm to it.

→Where did you get that?

Adonis: Ahh, I asked Kanzaki to write this for me. Look, it’s clearly marked as “to Adonis-kun," right?

→The letters sure are pretty.

Adonis: Fufu, I used to think Kanzaki was a samurai…He signed it for me then. I remember going around and bragging about it to everyone in my home country.

→When did he write it?

Adonis: He wrote it for me when I first came to Japan. We got some colored paper at a nearby convenience store, and he signed it for me. It’s a memento of when Kanzaki and I became friends.

Mini-talk 6 (Colored Paper Memento):

Adonis: Anyways, I’ve been filming all day, so now I’m hungry…Have you eaten dinner yet? If you haven’t, do you want to go to the company cafeteria together? It’s just about time for dinner and Oogami should be done with work right around now, so let’s invite him along.

→Today’s menu should be a grilled meat set.

Adonis: Oh, really? Meat really is the best when you’re worn out. Hopefully it isn’t sold out…I hope the car gets here soon.

→If you insist…

Adonis: There’s somewhere Oogami wants to go? In that case, going there is fine too. Let’s send him a message.

→Now that you mention it…

Adonis: You have a coupon for a restaurant that’s close by? Can I use it? I don’t usually go there, but…Let’s give it a shot.

TL Notes:

[1] lit. “if my help is ever necessary instead, I’m willing to help whenever”

[2] lit. "colored paper of memories." It refers to a kind of paper usually used for painting, drawing, and autographs. If you google 色紙 or shikishi, some examples will come up. The literal translation is "colored paper," but I don't think we have a proper term for this in English.

[3] lit. “as HELLSING, the breadth of the activities we can do is wide”

[vintage-bentley]

final thoughts words opinions etc before the release in a few hours (so i have something to read before i go cold turkey on social media bc i wont be able to watch for at least 2 weeks and cannot ruin this for myself) GO:

Ahh good luck with going cold turkey! I’m sorry you have to wait 😭💕

I’m excited. At first I was really worried that this would be a classic case of the sequel being a shitty cash grab that shouldn’t exist…but from the clips we’ve seen, it looks good. So I trust that I’ll love it just as much as the first season, if not more because apparently it focuses even more on A/C.

As far as the elephant in the room goes…I really want to believe we aren’t being baited. The “leak” was directly from an Amazon pride promo, it feels weird for it to be included if it wasn’t actually romance. And the marketing is being so heavy-handed on the idea of romance, it would honestly be the stupidest corporate decision ever to do that if it was just bait. There’s also the Sheen “best buddies” comment which gives me a lot of hope, because it’s such an unusual way to put it that it feels like it’s an inside joke. And the recent reviews seem to be implying there’s romance. So, I’ve got my hopes up. As always, I’m staying cautiously optimistic, but on a scale from 0 (cautiously) to 10 (optimistic), I’m a 9.

I’m SUPER excited about there being lesbians. I’m worried about the fact that they’re written by a straight man…and I’m really hoping they’re treated normally and not either over or under sexualised. But I’m optimistic about this too, just because I love Nina so much from what we’ve seen of her. She seems well written and well acted, so I can only assume the same will go for Maggie, and hope that the same goes for their relationship.

Aside from ineffable husbands and The Lesbians (I’ve seen retro wives suggested as a ship name which is adorable), I think the thing I’m looking forward to most is more historical scenes. Season 1 episode 3’s opening is my favourite part of the series and I’ve watched it so many times, I just love seeing all the different costumes and seeing the husband’s relationship develop over time. I’m excited to see more of that. Especially the 40’s scene. I’m most excited about one particular historical scene that people talked about after the screening, I won’t say more than that, if you know you know, if you don’t you’ve probably purposefully avoided that information and I applaud your restraint lol.

Now, if the show ends up not being bait, I won’t hate Neil as much as I’ve grown to, but I still won’t love him. Because I think the way he’s handled concerns about baiting is incredibly insensitive and out of touch. He seems to think that this is the same as teasing a long awaited straight couple, so he can be as secretive and coy as he wants. This line of thinking completely ignores the fact that gaybaiting is a real problem, that viewers have been burned by before and don’t want to be burned by again. As great as it would be if gay couples could be anticipated and teased the same way straight couples are…we just aren’t there yet. We’re still at a point where LGB fans aren’t at ease watching a romance build up between two men or women, because we know there’s a chance it won’t go anywhere. Like I’ve said before, knowing that OFMD was a romance before going into it made the viewing experience much more pleasant for me than it would’ve been going in without that knowledge. Because knowing it was a romance allowed me to enjoy it as such…while not knowing would’ve had me going “I’m crazy, I’m just seeing what I want to see, that won’t happen” the whole time (and it sounds like that was the experience for many people who saw it before hearing about it from others!). That’s something OSA people don’t experience when seeing themselves on screen. So if there’s a whole crowd of LGB viewers basically begging you to save us that frustration and doubt, “wait and see if you’re being baited” isn’t exactly the best attitude to have. Especially when you’re on tumblr, and could easily put a yes or no answer under a read more prefaced with many spoiler warnings. Again, unfortunately, we just aren’t at the point yet where anticipating a gay ship is the same as anticipating a straight ship.

It just feels like Neil doesn’t have any compassion for his LGB viewers who don’t want to be baited yet again, which is really annoying considering he seems to think of himself as an amazing ally.

So, if it ends up being bait, obviously I’ll be angry. If it doesn’t end up being bait, I’ll be happy but also annoyed at how Neil made us feel crazy for even hoping for this outcome.

I think that pretty much sums up what’s going on in my head right now! 😄

[aubzikins]

Chapter 7: I‘m Sorry

"Guys… this is way too much. Gorgeous and breathtaking but way too much…" I said while still staring in awe.

"Shh and go inside Nia. You won't win this argument…" said Lee Know looking mischievously.

"Sir, yes sir" I mumbled.

When we went inside, I was still in shock at how gorgeous the house was. There was a large dining area off to the left that included the kitchen. To the right was a large living room with a large sectional couch that easily could fit a minimum of 10 people. “Perfect size for this group,” I think to myself.

I didn't even notice the extra sets of shoes at the entrance until I was getting picked up into a big bear hug by none other than Changbin. "Hey, curls! It's been forever! It's great to see you!"

"BINNIE!!! You’re here too!? Hey!" I hugged him back as tight as I could.

"Why didn't we get that!?" Lee Know said smirking.

Before he could block me, I turned and gave Lee Know a bear hug. "Happy now Meow Meows?" I smirk.

"No but it's an improvement," Lee Know winks.

I looked down and saw there were 2 more sets of shoes. "Who else is here!?"

"Seungmin in the building!" Yelled Seungmin.

"I'm here too!" Said I.N. trailing behind Seungmin.

I hurriedly took off my shoes and ran over to the two youngins and hugged them. "It's so good to see you two!"

"Good to see you too, Noona!" Smiled I.N.

I playfully pushed him as my face turned red. "Any other surprises?" I asked as I looked around. We were just missing three members but no sign of them.

The two maknae shook their heads. "Ahh, okay" unable to hide the slight disappointment in my voice.

"Let me take you to your room Noona!" I.N. grabbed my hand and pulled me off to the other side of the house. After we put my luggage and carry-on bag in my room, I.N. took me on a tour of the house. When we finally made it back to the living room jet lag hit me.

Noticing my grogginess, Changbin says "How about you sit down and rest or go take a nap?"

I nod and say "I'll just sit down here on the couch for a minute. All the excitement and whatnot has worn me out." As I sat down on the couch. Changbin hands me water and a small throw blanket. I didn't even make it 5 minutes before I had fallen asleep.

When I woke up, I realized I was sleeping against someone. I slowly looked up to see that it was Han. He looked over at me with a smile, "About time you woke up, jet lag can be rough. It’ll be a bit before you are feeling back to normal" he says. Han hands me water and smiles, “It's nice to see you again Nia. Missed you."

"Hey Hannie, thanks," I smiled and took the water. "I missed you too. Happy to see you. Hug?" I asked.

"Of course!" He says as he hugs me tightly. "Just promise you won't disappear on us again okay?" He looks at me.

"I won't Hun, I promise. I’m still really sorry for doing that." I say while looking down and fiddling with my thumbs.

"Good, that was rough. We don't want to go through that again. But I'm looking forward to spending time with you over the next couple of weeks." He smiles.

"Wait, really? Did you all come here to spend time with me? Why would y'all do that?" I look at him surprised.

"Six of us made it. I think Chan and Jinnie had events they had to attend and yes to spend time with you and have a vacation. We loved hanging out with you." He smiled.

"Oh, that sucks that Chan and Hyunjin won't be here." I almost whispered. I couldn't help feeling like they were avoiding me but I couldn't let that bring down the mood. I smile at Han, "I am happy that I get to spend time with you guys! I missed y'all."

Felix walked into the living room, "We ordered some food for dinner. I figured we could do dinner and a movie while you recover from that long flight over?"

"If everyone is okay with that, then I'm good to go." I smile, s and then yawn. "I'm still dealing with jet lag. That nap helped but not enough.”

Han and Felix both laughed. "That just means more snuggles!" Changbin yells as he hops over onto the couch. Lee Know walks in carrying dinner and puts it on the coffee table. Seungmin and I.N. both come downstairs after getting cleaned up from being in the pool.

During dinner, we all talked about all the events they have been doing. I kept up with some of their activities over the past six months but not everything. They asked me about how my work has been going. I told them about getting promoted and how I was traveling more training and whatnot. Of course, Lee Know wanted to know about Aeris.

It was amazing to sit with them, eat, and talk like a cozy group. (I also remembered not to wait on them to get their food before me as well) It was everything that I had missed but it still felt incomplete. Two people were missing.

By the time we ate and cleaned up, everyone showed signs of exhaustion. We all decided to go take showers and put on comfy clothes. After I showered and got dressed, I put my clothes away. This house was gorgeous and had a beautiful backyard with an amazing view of the sky. Everyone was still getting ready for the movie. I grabbed a blanket and laid it on the ground in the backyard.

Felix turned on Howl's Moving Castle because I hadn't watched it before. I curled up next to Han on my right and had Felix on my left. The others all snuggled up around us. I tried to stay awake, but jet lag was causing my eyelids to feel like there were weights attached to them. After 20 minutes I couldn't fight it anymore and fell back to sleep on Han's arm.

When I woke up again, it was still dark out. I look around and see that I’m completely curled up in Han's arms and chest. My back was still against the couch. I tried to move my legs and realized that there was something on my legs. I look down and see Binnie curled up to my legs with his head on my thigh. I giggle quietly.

At first, I try to just go back to sleep but It was no use. These men are like having personal furnaces. I lightly shake Han to wake him up enough for me to move, luckily he turns over and cuddles up to Lee Know. I grab one of the decorative pillows and attempt to move Binnie's head from my thigh to the pillow like I was in the middle of a museum heist. He stays asleep when I finally get his head on the pillow, allowing me to get up off the couch. I smile to myself as I look around and see all 6 of the guys sound asleep on the couches.

After using the bathroom, washing my hands, and fixing my ponytail, I’m wide awake. Grabbing my favorite hoodie, and a bottle of soju from the fridge, I head out back to sit for a bit. I'm almost done with my soju when the sliding door opens. I look up to see Hyunjin walking outside. He looked at me and whispered, “I was wondering where you had wandered off to,” as he closes the sliding door behind him.

“Hyunjin…” I breath.

“Hey beautiful,” he says as he smiles slightly and takes the seat next to me.

Still, in shock at seeing him, I stutter as I say “I…I… thought you weren’t able to come. I was worried that you…”, I stop as he grabs my hand.

“I got in about 45 minutes ago. I saw everyone was sleeping so I went and put my stuff away,” he smiles, “It's good to see you, Nia.”

I stare at him, my face reddish from the soju and I can feel tears starting to sting my eyes. Hyunjin also notices that I am about to cry and pulls me into him. At first, I freeze, and my arms dangle at my sides. But then I fully embrace him, squeezing tightly as the tears fall. He hugs me even tighter. After a couple of minutes, he pulls back and looks at me. He then leans in and kisses my forehead. Both of us look at each other and say “I’m sorry…”

[captainaikus]

BELLE LOVE YOURE BACK!!!!!!!!! I've missed you so much 😭😭😭!!!! I'm so sorry to hear that you're sick though 😖😖. That seriously sucks, but I hope you feel better soon!!! Also I have a confession to make. I know I said I was working on blue lock drabbles. But like. The TR season 2 opening just dropped. I am not the same woman I was 1 hour ago. Episode 13 of bllk will probably kick-start my inspiration for the writing again (hopefully) but I'm hitting a block atm and all I can think abt is TR right now 💀💀. I have actually been so productive this winter break that it's insane. Cleaning, cooking, organizing, writing, etc. It's hard to believe I was the same person as last year tbh. I'm a hoarder and a sentimental sap so I never throw anything away 💀🥲. BUT I got rid of so much unnecessary stuff yesterday and I'm actually kind of proud of myself. I've been meaning to go to the gym again, but finding the motivation is hard, especially in the early morning when I'm drowsy and tired. I know it's not an excuse and I plan on going to bed early tomorrow so I can wake up without feeling tired 😤😤. Wish me luck 🥹🤞🏼!!! Also also. I have currently been listening to the new opening on loop since I heard it came out don't judge me and I'm pretty sure I have the entire visuals and lyrics matched up inside my head atp where I can hear it and know which character is on screen 💀💀💀. It's the same with the season 1 episodes again no judging. Yes I'm normal abt this 😌😌. Anyways ✨. Idk if you've seen my posts, but I have been freaking out abt the new opening since this morning adjkhgggkjggfdhjhg. I am so excited about next week. You are gonna be sick of me once the first episode drops I'm calling it now 😭😭💀. Anyways onto the actual important stuff. How was your vacation and holiday?? Good I hope?? How's the move to a03 coming along?? Again, I hope you feel better soon (Oliver sends his love from Italy ❤️❤️❤️)!!! Make sure not to overwork yourself and take care of yourself and rest okay love?? I really have missed you tho 🥹❤️. *sending all the virtual hugs and blankets and warm soup to you*

- ✨ anon

YES! I have returned !! I missed you too T.T , ahh its good to be back. ps. not only have i managed to fall sick... I uh... I twisted my ankle last night when I was celebrating new years. There was so much that happened last night, the dancing, hanging out with my roommates and last but not least. there were a lot of pretty boys at the club; but honestly, they were strutting around the place like some proud peacock and were intimidated by my height (yeah i was the tallest one last night with my three inched heels) and my calves are killing me rn; but totally worth it ✨ I SAW THE NEW TR OPENING! Pretty sure the fans are gonna crash the website; i wouldn't be surprised honestly- I am so looking forward to the new eps !! I read the latest chapter of bllk and... *sobbing cause no Oliver* Anyway, getting back to Tr; I am excited for the new season !! And i wanna see more of bonten and the shiba brothers arc, now i'm thinking if they're gonna introduce Nahoya and the whole baby of the family thing (cause the way i cooed when I was reading the manga) Girl. I saw you posted about Chainsawman !! And during vacay, we were passing by a bookstore... I uh... I ended up buying vol 4 with Aki as the cover. (i love it sm and i'm gonna treasure it even if I haven't reached that part yet) - the look i got cause the amount of profanities in there on opening one of the pages 😭 Vacay was fun, spent some time in the countryside and got a hold of new experiences that inspired me to re-write ruined rome (a project that i had started for Rin earlier on my blog) there was a cute guy on the bus who was watching rising shield hero i think? and i was busy watching one punch man cause i didn't get time to finish it, *sad cause i shoulda asked for his @ but i was really shy to talk to him and kinda disoriented cause of no sleep*

As for the move to ao3; I released the new chapter of Ocean hues and I'm working on a spotify playlist that you guys can play it when you read the series; hopefully you guys will enjoy it <3 speaking a bit and giving spoilers for the series; i included some of my dreams with Oliver (yes i am a simp and idc) And i have my oneshots saved in my draft, that will be getting posted as well... ao3 is getting fun for me cause i figured a way on using dividers and pictures. Not to mention even if ao3 does seem complicated its actually pretty easy to get by and i'm getting obsessed with alice in borderland- THE NEW SEASON IS FINALLY OUT! so i'm gonna be completing that and stone ocean's new eps (yes me likes JJBA. *likes jonathan, joseph and Jotaro*) And no bb ♡ i like seeing your rants on my dash and also. I. squealed at your Oliver drabble. Like i was walking around, stood for coffee before my flight at some 1 o clock in the morning and i saw this. And my gah- the way i was staring into my phone, I had a jolly good christmas and an early new year 😭 *busy working on a list of yandere wips and thinking the title to give my work*

*sending back hugs and wuv along with Bachira*

[amrv-5]

sorry this is out of curiousity and you totally can not answer it but what is the long fic you’re writing about

ahh hello!! no problem I’m happy to answer (i love.... talking about writing....i will ALWAYS love talking about writing. it fills me with absolute joy to talk at length about themes ideas motifs etc in my writing. even if they’re just ‘what in god’s name were you thinking’ i will ALWAYS love questions!!)! 

in general terms, the as-yet untitled Long Fic is just another post-war fic about Hawk and Beej trying to adjust back to life in the States on their own, and eventually finding their way back to each other again. extremely down-the-line, absolutely no supernatural twists, high realism. It’s only stupid long because I’m trying to give that the space it needs to feel real to me, and that amount of space is turning out to be: A Lot.

a broader series of themes & questions (so far lol) are below the cut for mild thematic spoilers, length, and (sorry) minimizing exposure to pretentiousness purposes:

So You Want to Know What the Long Fic is About: A Condensed Thematic Overview of 158K (For Now) of Straight-Up Realist Historical Fiction Where, No Joke, a Significant Portion of That Length is Dedicated Solely to Guys Thinkin’ Real Hard About Stuff, Guaranteed to Make You Say ‘Holy Fuck, I’m Sorry I Asked, Please Just Shut Up’ With Parker, Your Resident Guy Who is Normal About TV

1. Mis- and non-communication.

What happens when you go from sleeping three feet away from your best friend in the world to living so far away a letter takes two weeks on a round trip? How do your methods of understanding each other (and misunderstanding each other…) change? How does or can one maintain closeness when literal proximity is denied? How does somebody handle abandonment when the abandonment in question was unavoidable (i.e. nobody to blame--the death of a mother, maybe, or the end of a shared living situation)?

2. Justice, suffering, and recompense.

This is where the pretentiousness comes in, I know this makes me sound like an asshole I just care about American case law a lot and it infects all of my writing, etc. etc. Anyway. How do we approach ideas of suffering and justice when they fall outside the jurisdiction of an American view of legal culpability? How does one go about trying to seek justice when they are provably, demonstrably hurt, but there is nowhere to direct the blame? These questions are kind of slippery and weird, so I’ll try to frame it more directly: somebody in this story is going to struggle (as they always do in my work) with despair. It is a serious and life-long struggle. How does a person in that situation move beyond ideas like fairness, justice, and being owed relief, to accepting that ‘fairness’ doesn’t really exist in terms of things like personal neurochemistry? And how, then, does that acceptance hold itself in relation to larger forms of human injustice--how does somebody accept their own ‘unfair’ situation as a reality they must bear while continuing to maintain ideological opposition to injustices that can be changed?

3. Empathy and invisible strife.

A little bit of an overlap with the previous set of ideas, but this one flows out of one of my favorite poems in the world, “Musee des Beaux Arts” by Auden (check it out, if you haven’t read it!). The narrator states:

About suffering they were never wrong, The old Masters: how well they understood Its human position: how it takes place While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;

And then, later: 

In Breughel's Icarus, for instance: how everything turns away Quite leisurely from the disaster; the ploughman may Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry, But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone As it had to on the white legs disappearing into the green Water, and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky, Had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on.

I am compelled by how frequently awareness of strife is set aside in day to day life, especially in American life, and that comes through big time in the Long Fic. 

At a psychological level, there’s a certain idea, I think, that it is very evident when people are doing badly; that you will always be able to tell; that the solution is as simple as reaching out, or asking for help. Unfortunately, that is often not the case. Somebody can be having the worst day of their life, be absolutely at the end of their rope, be seconds away from losing it completely, and five feet to the left there could be somebody else making a ham sandwich. So that comes through a lot in the work--this borderline absurdist, tragicomic idea that nobody’s ever really going to know exactly how you feel, and even if they did, they might be too busy doing the crossword to notice.

And at a less granular level, you can apply this (and will see it applied) to the American cultural response to the Korean War, which was incredibly muted. Even though millions of people died, even though the daily suffering of people, especially local civilians, involved was immense, because it was so (to an American domestic point of view) far-off, most people just went on with their lives. People celebrated birthdays, TV shows were produced, city council meetings dragged gaily on.

These things seem inevitable, and the ideas behind them kind of obvious: of course the world keeps turning when bad things happen. People just aren’t built to maintain ceaseless fear, anger, outrage, etc. at tragedy that is not directly affecting them, because they are concerned with the business of being alive. The people that do manage to maintain constant attention to large-scale but abstract or not immediately visible tragedies tend to go crazy, self-immolate, and/or quit their fancy math professorships at Berkeley in order to start direct mail marketing campaigns. Everybody else tends to feel bad about an issue, maybe they’ll see if they can do something small to help, and then they forget about it and keep managing the minutiae of their own lives. Yes, of course this or that issue is tragic--but I’ve got to do my taxes, or I’ve got to hit a deadline, or I’ve got to go to the store. The ploughman keeps working, too busy to investigate the splash. The ship sails on with somewhere to get to. 

But then again, even if the logic is sound, from Icarus’s point of view the world has got to seem awfully cold and mean.

[iamosirita]

To All The People I Ghosted–Please Let Me Get Back to Life

Disclaimer:

This is not to glorify mental illness. Trust me, you don’t want it–for God’s sake, it’s not cool at all. On the other hand, if you still perceive mental illnesses are just a result of disconnecting from God, you can stop here. Please leave now and pray for us sinners lol. At the moment, I don’t give a crap anymore. Either this post can be a source for you to ‘spill the tea’ among your group of friends, if that makes your hangout session more fun–I don’t mind. I just want to get in touch with the people I care about, again.

 

Long story short, I ghosted most of the people I love for roughly three years, thanks to the major depression and anxiety–and now I just want to get back to life. Well, nothing says "I missed you" like a three-year vanishing act, right?

When It All Started

Let’s rewind to 2020. Remember that tiny old friend called COVID? Ah, can’t believe it was 4 years ago already. Months of getting stuck at home, 2021 was when it all started. I began pulling myself away from a few close friends, though at first, it was quite on and off. When the pandemic hit, with everyone still unsure when we are getting back to normal again, managing life felt like trying to juggle flaming swords while riding an analog unicycle–obviously I am not the only one experiencing this. That period of time was such a disruption, it was just too much to navigate. 

Working from home was  fun–for about five minutes. Then it just became a constant state of fatigue. It’s like, “Oh great, I get to live at work now. Awesome.” Everything was exhausting. I remember I used to lay down on the floor, give it a nice and loud grunt–right away every time I finished my online meeting. You must have done something like this, too. But no, that’s just not the worst, yet. 

Early 2022 rolled around, I didn't expect I would get such a major event at that time, later I found out it was just an accumulation of all the crap. One day I vomited so hard while having an awful emotional outburst–which led me to finally decide to go to a therapy, for the first time ever. And you guessed it right, I puked, again, after the session. The therapist was like, “You have symptoms of depression.” She suggested that I have follow up sessions regularly. And I was like (obviously I said this in my head lol), “Oh, you’re kidding me.” 

For a moment after that, I tried to get back into the swing of things. I felt like I could rejoin the land of the living–though obviously, with some assistance, being aware that there’s the ‘handle with care’ sticker on my forehead and I gotta do some homework from my therapist at the moment lol. 

So I started seeing more people again. Finally the stupid Covid started to be manageable as most countries were gradually opening their borders again–which means, we’ll get to see people physically, again! Yeay!

But then BAM! A big family incident. Depression hit harder, it caught me totally off guard. By mid to late 2022–which then got re-ascertained after getting another assessment with a different clinical psychologist again last year–I got the official diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder. Great, I’ve always wanted a title. Now I don’t need to be FOMO, I joined the trend! Oh, Life is so colorful. Congratulations, Retmi!

What Happened to Me (In a Nutshell)

In short, I started getting more frequent outbursts. Ahh, my life was just so cool! 

I come from the very generation that’s quite well aware of mental illnesses but I never realized that it’s real lol. It is real fun! Having to vomit. Experiencing such derealisation. Feeling such terrible nausea–and even vomiting every time I get to see people, especially in person. I kept blaming COVID for this for quite a while. Not being able to do things due to those awful bad thoughts and sadness–like showering (my record was 2 weeks); eating (this wasn’t new, don’t worry indigestion and heartburn has been my friend); even reaching my water bottle ON MY BEDSIDE when I was literally FEELING so THIRSTY (This happened a lot of times and I would curse myself every time); including doing businesses in the toilet. Fun fact, I peed on my pants a few times, even got the urinary infection as a result of frequently holding the urge to pee–what a great week, having to keep going with lyfe trying to hold the pain without any medication, because I got rejected to have antibiotic pills from the pharmacy due to my depression. Instead, I was suggested to get a GP consultation for antibiotic prescription. Awesome. I indeed got so much money after spending so much to go back and forth, from the regular therapy, to GPs, and even Radiology and Pathology clinic to get USG mammogram scan and biopsy for my breast tumors—that was previously getting so much sickeningly painful—doctors suggested we need to ensure as they might be cancerous but turned out the awful pain was due to my depression and anxiety, too. Great. Oh, how I love being this cool. That’s why I then got these cutie little pills to help every time I feel like getting the outburst, otherwise my little tumor friends would scream. And so painkiller pills began to be my everyday best friends. Can’t believe I got to this phase of life, I never felt as cool before, really. 

I Am The Ghost

So from around mid 2022 I started ghosting everyone. Parents? Never told them. Friends? Poof, gone. I pulled myself out, I was the one who disappeared, to be exact. I got a new private contact number so I didn’t have to deal with such a long list of unread messages, especially in Whatsapp groups. Social media? Vanished. On Instagram, I started posting on my close friends only, to not posting at all. Later on I gradually hid my followers so they wouldn’t be able to see any of my story posts. From nearly 3k followers, to merely 60ish people. Basically deleting followers, but in silence—I didn’t want people to find out how I was doing. Yes—this bitj thought she’s that important and people do care about her lol. 

So all those apps, I was as active as a rock. I still keep checking on you guys, but I just knew y’all aren’t as cool as me anymore. Hehe.

Work? Oh, it was a joy. For the record, I don’t know how to swim, for real. And trying to stay motivated when you’re depressed is like trying to swim—through solid, thick, spicy sambal kacang. Well, I love sambal, but no one would want to be drowned in it, obviously. 

I am the ghost. I spent my time in my room, most of the time, isolating myself from people. You know, practicing for the ‘Anak Kos Sejati’ championship. However, I feel like I also got some ghosts continuously chasing me lol. During this period, I remember vividly, around May to August last year, I frequently had this bizarre visualization. It felt like I was stuck in the darkest, most confusing labyrinth, barely able to see anything, let alone move a single finger–This always made it hard to breathe and left me feeling nauseous. I felt like it’s so much worse than any of Joko Anwar’s horror movies–lol, he should consider hiring me as a horror consultant, I bet. I was scared all the time. I felt like my life had just ended and I could do nothing about it. Most of the time, I kept convincing myself I have died, at least figuratively. Or, I might better just go die, literally.

My Castles Crumbling

Yes, just like Mother Taylor Swift would say lol. 

I really had a hard time adjusting. I had the shiniest wheels but they’re rusting. 

Oh damn, guess I can safely say I am a true Swiftie, as I’ve experienced exactly what she writes(?) 

Yet, if you’re wondering whether I got to deal with such s*icidal thoughts whatsoever that commonly come hand in hand with major depression–no. I was convinced I would never get anything like those destructive ideas. Since the very beginning, every time my therapist (I met 3 therapists in total, btw) gave me questions related to it, I would firmly answer no. 

I am pretty sure I am still able to think rationally so I would never think of hurting myself, let alone anything worse than that–well, though I’m not sure about other assessment questions that might lead to the real answer that I might not be aware of. All I said was I constantly wish that I could just get some fatal illness like severe COVID or just let these tumors kill me quickly, without me having to be a burden to people around. 

I was pretty sure I would never have such stupid thoughts, ever–until mid 2023, I finally had it. It really came so casually effortless, and I didn’t even realize that was a form of s*lf-harm thoughts. It was July last year, I unconcernedly thought of trying to c*t my wrist, just to see how painful it is. Obviously it was during quite an outburst, but I was just quite used to dealing with them so I thought that was just my common anxiety and depression attack–until I talked to Yaya. (btw, Yaya is the one who’s been around since day one, helping me navigate every time I need help. p.s please do pray for her she’s so close to becoming a clinical psychologist now and I’m shoo proud!). I didn’t know whether I should be relieved to be able to talk about it before doing it. Trust me it really freaked me out, I never knew I would be so scared of my own thoughts since that day. My therapist then suggested that I stop cooking for a while to be safe. I didn’t touch kitchen knives for about a week, ensured I had the lifeline number handy, and trust me I still couldn’t believe I got to experience that fear of my own thoughts–until today. 

Retmi? Having self-harm thoughts? 

Told you, I’ve really changed to one of those cool TikTok kids and we’re just not the same anymore. Bye-bye friends, we’re not in the same league, I really need to withdraw myself from you guys lol. 

Why Did I Ghost You

Did I want to ghost you? Obviously not. 

Ghosting was my instinctive survival mechanism. It wasn’t you, it was me. I needed space to navigate. Sorry for disappearing, like that worst ex of yours. Not being able to celebrate your big days, stop listening to your stories when I know you must need someone to talk to. I have been too drained dealing with myself, barely able to keep sane through days, weeks, months, it is really excruciating. 

By the end of 2023, I finally told my parents what was going on. That was another significant period of the depression journey. Another fun fact, I made several drafts of the script (lol, gotta be well-prepared, right?) before finally talking to them. I then waited until I felt calm enough so I wouldn’t have an emotional blow-up.

But still, I vomited. Yep, full-on drama. lol. 

It took me years to accept that I have depression and anxiety. Just like how I’ve been disappearing the whole time, I wished they would one day magically vanish so I could get back to the people I care about. Spoiler alert: they didn’t vanish. Slowly, very slowly, I’m now in the process of trying to live with them. I can’t keep running away forever.

What I Want Now

Now I feel better. I still take my pills sometimes when needed. I get some outbursts and physical pains a few times in a while but not as frequent anymore. I started learning to listen to my body. I started picking up a new hobby. I feel like I’m slowly getting my self-esteem back, piece by piece. Putting things back in their places, including reconnecting with the world and the people I care about. Because, surprise, I actually missed you all.

I’m writing this to explain my absence. Obviously not to be pitied, oh that’s the worst thing I could imagine, please, please, please, don't bring me to tears when I just did my makeup so nice–lol you sing you lose! 

But please, again, don’t do that. I’m giving you this very brief summary of what has happened–in such a tone–if you happened to notice lol–so that you can see I am really getting better now–don't want you to pity me–and so I won’t need to explain myself again to you. I don’t know exactly how to start, yet, but when I finally say ‘Hi!’ to you again, I hope I don’t need to answer your “How are you?” in a very elaborated way, because in short, I am now fine! 

To everyone I ghosted, I’m sorry. It wasn’t about you; it was all about me. 

I’m trying to come back to life now, like a zombie with a self-improvement plan. 

I hope we can reconnect, and I promise I won’t disappear again. Unless there’s another pandemic, in which case, all bets are off. Thanks for understanding, or at least pretending to. 

Thank you, goodnight!

9 Jul 2024

[corndoggod]

30 for 30: Not Drinking

I’ve never done dry January for a few reasons. 1) I never even considered it until like three years ago. 2) I like to drink more than most and while I knew I could have a healthier relationship with alcohol, I never saw it as a problem. 3) My birthday is January 16. 

But this year, the year I turned 30, I decided to try it, mostly just because I’d never done it before and 30 seemed like a good moment to challenge myself in this way. Could I be comfortable and sociable without God’s lubricant? 

The following is a catalog of times I was tempted by the devil’s water. 

The Gutter

League bowling was running 30 minutes behind schedule and what was there to do but sit at the bar and order a beer. I sat at the bar. C ordered a seltzer with bitters. It was enough. I was slightly nervous with Daddy because C seemed off and I wanted to attend to her. (I was turned away from her, talking to Daddy). 

I was tempted again during the game. I opened strong - two strikes and a spare - but then I slipped. I got frustrated. I wanted to suck on some foam. But I didn’t. 

Tuesday

Feeling good with C who came home early after her new painting job. A beer just sounded nice. Instead, I cracked a seltzer and read Mike Davis’ City of Quartz in preparation for our journey to Los Angeles. Davis described the city in turns as a battleground between sunshine and noir, a big angry parking lot and a product of boosters and real estate speculators. I calculated that my thirty days of not drinking would expire while we were on vacation in LA, the day after Valentine’s Day. What would I toast to? 

Writing Workshop

I was mildly tempted, or rather, knew I would’ve grabbed beers for Sunday’s workshop reunion in normal times. It’d been seven months since we last met and we felt a bit aimless since no one had work to present. And in that aimlessness, I felt a thirst, something to latch my lips to. I knew the liquid would loosen something inside. I kissed my knuckles and carried on. 

The Whale

I was not tempted in the belly of the whale. C made an Indian feast with three boy sous chefs asking, “What can I do?” every few minutes. And after forty minutes of a million dirty dishes we sat down to saag paneer, daal, coconut chutney, rice, naan and samosas to watch The Whale, a movie about a morbidly obese online English instructor trying to reconnect with his very angry daughter of 17. 

A Long Week of Quiet Quitting 

I took adderall every day except Friday, but I couldn’t bring myself to do a single thing. I had no deadlines, so it wasn’t negligent. But it was definitely irresponsible. Friday was for c and karaoke - my favorite and least favorite things. I’d jabber and jabber but never sing - lips too numb, confidence like a kite in a tornado. 

Bowling

My greatest weakness proved to be poor performances at bowling night. My scores slipped dramatically, halved from a 181 to a 92. I’d spent a lot of time calibrating the optimal blood alcohol levels for peak pin destruction and it was 2-4 beers. And here I was, clean as a whistle throwing gutters. You can’t sip water in frustration and smile after. You can’t go “Ahh, refreshing.” So I had a Bornx Pale Ale - forgetting I don’t really like the taste. But my score improved to 141. 

Slick’s 30th Birthday

Tonight might be the night, I thought to myself. It was miserably cold and it took an hour and two bus transfers to get there. I got in a squabble with C over dinner and I just wanted to go home or ride my bike. If I was going to the bar, I wanted a beer. I’d all but convinced myself, but then came Slick, the birthday boy, a wonder wall of sweaty exuberance. It was midnight now and we’d been in the basement dancing to DJ Preschool -- a white haired man with as many teeth as fingers and he was missing a finger. I closed my eyes and danced. That’s what alcohol does: closes your eyes. But after an hour of that I wanted something more to keep me going. I told C I might get a beer. She offered a gummy instead. I relayed this to N who laughed and told me had c. “Same,” I said and we saluted. 

Then birthday boy Nick bounded up to me. His curly hair was a frizzy halo and I smelled his swea . “Still not drinking, eh? That’s so great man. Really awesome to be out having a a good time and not rely on that. I’m so proud of you.” Little did he know. 

Vacation’s Eve

We’re bound for the capitol of capital on the Pacific Rim, leaving the very same on the Eastern Seaboard. It’s Friday and I’m home biding my time. I volunteered to be the pack mule so C could have dinner with her friend whose birthday we’ll miss. I’m tired but I wanted to write all day. Still, I’d rather read right now. I’d love to read with a beer - something to relax. Instead I tap out a line, three lines and here we go. Can’t wait for the subway and to see her parents. 

I was bored and agitated. Bored because I was reading for the fifth Friday in a row and agitated because of what I was reading: That damn lefty history of L.A. 

Lessons Learned

I learned what it’s like to do c with no alcohol. I felt my face torque, teeth gnash, heart wallop. That awareness felt awful, but it was overpowered by exuberance. 

I learned how often I introduce alcohol to situations. I’ve tended to blame my friends - a bunch of hard-drinking cows, but I too am an instigator. 

I learned drinking can be saved for social things. I didn’t need a beer at the end of a hard day. I could relax in other ways - like cooking or running or stretching or reading or writing in my diary for fun.