#it weirded me out to see someone posting on the website for nerds something along the lines of 'you guys should have jock interests'

[morayofsunshine]

Okay but what if you care about Kpop not in a competitive way, but in a "Whoa they just had a guy backflip off the squad's arms" way.

It's like when I watch ice skating. I have no idea who these people are but that was a sick pirouette

Yeah, pretty much. I follow some skaters but I mostly watch ice skating to be amazed at what they do, and it's the same for Kpop!

I do have favorites in both and am happy when they do well, but I'm also super happy to see great performances from people that I don't really know much about.

So big mood, watching very skilled people pull off amazing feats of athletics and performance is fun, and I don't need to compare their entire scoring record to those of other professionals to enjoy the sport and/or art.

[palimpsessed]

The Welsh Red Dragon, Kurt Vonnegut, and Social Activism

The inspiration behind Shepard’s pins

(original post with full artwork here.)

So, I spent A LOT of time thinking about the kind of pins our good friend Shepard (from Omaha, NE) would have on his denim jacket. Like a lot. Like an obsessive amount of time. I made a list, which seemed appropriate for this fandom. And because I’m a nerd and this sort of thing really interests me, and I’m proud of what I came up with, and because I think some of these items open up the possibility for some good, good literary analysis, I decided to make a whole post dedicated to Shepard’s pins. You’re welcome.

First, a little bit about my thought process. How did I decide what kind of pins to give Shepard? Well, he’s a guy full of stories. Stories that he can’t wait to tell anyone and everyone. And stories that others (mostly Maybes) have told him, once he’s earned their confidence. So, I wanted his pins to tell a story, his story in particular. What is the story that Shepard wants to tell about himself? More precisely, what is the story he wants to tell his new magickal friends on a disastrous summer holiday? The story is that of his own magickal credibility. His journey to magic (his come to Crowley moment, perhaps?) (I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry…) and his trustworthiness as evidenced by all of the Maybes he’s met along the way. He’s gotten drunk off dandelion wine with a creek dryad, given a toothbrush to a Sasquatch. spilled the tea with a jackalope, midwifed a centaur foal. Shep’s journey is just as impressive as Simon’s, and while Simon has been collecting notches on his dead dark creature bedpost (that’s a weird fucking metaphor…) (and now I’m thinking about dark creatures and Simon’s bedposts…so, you’re welcome, Basilton), Shep’s been collecting notches of the friendly variety. (Shoutout to @adamarks who did some super lovely analysis on Simon and Shep as mirrors here: https://adamarks.tumblr.com/post/188046272067/ok-so-when-shepard-said-he-was-cursed-the-first). So, I decided that I wanted to use Shep’s pins as a way to show the notches on his bedpost, so to speak. (Okay, I’m really losing this metaphor, but I think you’re still with me.)

Let’s dive in!

(I’m working my way down one side of his jacket at a time, for those following along at home.)

RIGHT SIDE

Welsh Dragon: I made this one very large, and easy to spot on his right shoulder. Of all of his accoutrements, this one felt like the most important. Mainly, because of Simon. Simon is, after all, half-Welsh. (The Mage, may he rest in pain, came to Watford from Wales.) And, of course, Simon, just like the Welsh Dragon, is a red dragon. (Or in the process of becoming one? Or a half-dragon? Or a dragon kitten?…) And the dragon that Simon and Baz fought on the Watford lawn, when they first worked together, and first shared magic, was a red dragon. Of course, the actual dragon in question here is Margaret. Shepard would absolutely have a pin to commemorate his friendship with her. And since I was going to give him a pin with a dragon, I knew I was going to have to use the Welsh Dragon because it would perfectly capture his burgeoning friendship with Simon, as well. Now, I want to go on a slight detour here (this blog post will be its own Odyssey) and talk more about the Welsh Red Dragon. I took the design for the pin from the Welsh flag, which is the thing that first made me think more about Simon’s Welsh connection. I’m not really making a point here, I just think it’s fascinating! There’s a lot of Welsh lore about the Red Dragon (and Margaret herself calls Simon “Great Red” - that ‘R’ is capitalized, by the way, so this seems to be a proper name for the kind of dragon that she thinks Simon is). Full disclosure, I am not Welsh and I am not a scholar on any of this by any means. That being said, a cursory, and super academic, perusal of the Wikipedia article on the Welsh Dragon led me to a few different history websites that linked the symbol of the red dragon with Merlin and King Arthur (son of Uther Pendragon, literally dragon head). Merlin, one of the most well-known magical figures and Arthur, one of the most well-known Chosen One figures in literary tradition. I know very little about Arthurian legend, and Welsh history, and dragon lore, though, so I’m going to just say, do a little research on your own when you’re bored and feeling nerdy!

Resist!: Shep is a young black man (and reasonable human being) living in the U.S. during the [redacted] Administration. I should hope this one is self-explanatory.

Hoover Dam: At some point in his visits to see Blue, I’m sure Shepard stopped off at the gift shop and bought himself a souvenir pin to mark the incredible experience he had making friends with an actual river. (This pin design is based on an actual souvenir pin of the Hoover Dam I found on Google Images—along with most of the other pin designs. I think it’s vintage, which just felt even more like Shepard to me, because he’s the kind of guy who would appreciate stuff that’s got a past.)

Deathly Hallows: I mean, IF the Harry Potter books/movies exist in the Simon Snow universe (which hasn’t been confirmed, as far as I know, by our Queen) I’m sure Shepard would have been totally into it as a kid, and probably would have found greater significance in its magical lore once he discovered that ACTUAL MAGIC EXISTS! So, he would have a pin to show his belief in the magickal world, and maybe also as a nostalgic reminder of when magic was still just something fictional he could turn to for escapism (and not something that would result in being cursed by a demon…).

The Truth is Out There: So, I know virtually nothing about The X-Files (my sister was obsessed with it to the point that she wanted to become a FBI agent for a few years, but I never watched it), but I’m sure Shepard is a fan. If nothing else, the sentiment is awfully apropos.

So It Goes: This one is very hard to see. It sort of looks like a black teardrop with a bar on top of it (it’s supposed to look like a bomb). The pin I based this off of reads “So It Goes”, which from my very superficial research, is a line repeated in Vonnegut’s anti-war novel Slaughterhouse-Five every time someone dies. I don’t know anything more about it, other than that it is a Kurt Vonnegut-inspired pin available for purchase on Etsy, and Shep mentions that he wanted to get a Vonnegut quote tattoo, even though “everybody has those.”

Green Alien Head: You will never be able to convince me that Shepard does not 10,000% believe in the existence of aliens. If he were still in the U.S. during the Area 51 Raid, I’m sure he would have stopped by, just, you know, for science…(I’m thinking he was probably still in the UK, but I guess we’ll see in AWTWB.)

Centaur: This one is also hard to see, but I took the design from a pin I found of one of the centaurs (the blue-haired, blue-bodied one, if that rings a bell for you) from Disney’s Fantasia. (Fun fact: I was super into Fantasia as a littlun, and I attribute my lifelong love for classical music in large part to the centaur sequence and my latent lesbianism—I mean, it was ludicrously erotic. Watch it sometime and tell me it would not make an impression on a sapphic three-year-old.) Midwifing a centaur foal was probably a very emotional and formative experience for Shepard. Buying this pin would be his way of remembering that experience, and the excitement and gratitude he likely felt to have been entrusted with that kind of acceptance from the centaur(s).

Jackalope: It doesn’t help that this pin is almost the same color as Shepard’s jacket, but it’s based off a design of a jackalope’s head that, again, I found on Google Image search (honestly, I don’t know how I ever made art without it). We know that Shepard once got some gossip from a jackalope, who vented to him about magicians calling “themselves ‘magicians’”, like “they’re the only ones with magic”. (This is totally irrelevant, but I always think of Americans when I read this. I am an American, by the way. America is a continent, but those of us living in the U.S. calls ourselves Americans, like everyone else living in America doesn’t matter.) Anyway, the jackalope offered Shepard some valuable insight into the political workings of the magickal world, so it gets its own pin.

LEFT SIDE

Pansexual Pride Flag Pin: I mean, technically, canonically, we don’t know what Shepard’s sexuality (or asexuality) is, but I just get some vibes from him. Plus, if we take him as a mirror for Simon (who is somewhere on the bi-plus spectrum), it’s not a far cry to imagine he also identifies somewhere on that spectrum.

Pentagram: This is another symbol that I chose based on my interpretation of Shepard’s character, and not so much on a Maybe or a story that he mentioned. The pentagram, or pentacle, is typically associated with the occult and witchcraft, which is something that could potentially also be said of Shep.

Sasquatch: You don’t go backpacking—or not backpacking—and introduce a Sasquatch to the benefits of dental hygiene without getting yourself a souvenir of the hike.

I [heart] Mystery Spot: The Mystery Spot is a weird sort of phenomenon in California (my home state). It’s a place outside the beach town of Santa Cruz that boasts of a “gravitational anomaly” on its website. I went once, years ago, and while you’re there, it can feel pretty convincing. (Also, I was probably like 10, so…) People outside of California will likely never have heard of this place, but driving around here (at least in the Bay Area, where I am, which isn’t that far from Santa Cruz) you’ll see yellow Mystery Spot bumper stickers on cars everywhere. I’m not really sure what the thing is with the bumper stickers. Like, I’m sure not that many people actually think it’s legit, and maybe it’s like one of those things that Californians just do (like freak out and forget how to drive when we feel water falling from the sky). But yeah, these bumper stickers are everywhere. Anyway, Shepard drives around a lot. He knows about the Vampires of Las Vegas (how is that not an indie rock band?) and the Katherine Hotel, and the Next Blood. So, he’s probably made it past Nevada and into California before. And while he was there, it’s not a great stretch of the imagination that someone who chases after magic wouldn’t wind up at a place called the Mystery Spot and get himself a pin while he was there. (And maybe even a bumper sticker.)

Black Power Fist: Unfortunately, this one is also hard to see, because the fist is black and I didn’t have anything to go over the outlines of the fingers with, which I sort of didn’t think about when I colored it. This one also feels self-explanatory. Shepard is black. Blackness has long been treated in itself as a crime by non-black members of law enforcement, and just the general racist population of the U.S. Young black men are especially vulnerable to racially motivated violence. I’m sure Shep, who drives all over the country by himself and gets into high speed chases at night in the middle of nowhere Nebraska while hunting super shifty rando Maybes has had a run-in or two. Stay safe, Shep!

Every Pronoun Belongs Here [Trans Pride Flag background]: Also, super hard to see because the letters are too small to read. I found this exact pin in a basket by the register at my local bookshop. (Support local bookshops, people!) They were being sold as a fundraiser for a LGBTQ club at one of the high schools, and I loved the idea that I could help them raise money and add this pin to my own growing collection to show off my support for trans rights. (Support trans rights and trans people, people!) I decided to give Shepard this same pin, because I could imagine him having an almost identical book buying experience in a dozen other towns that he’s probably visited. And I love the simplicity of the message, because it’s one of belonging, which EVERYONE is desperately seeking, no matter who they are or how they identify, and Shepard, and every character in this picture, is no exception. (Plus, it seemed like a cool way to connect my pin collection with Shep’s. Maybe I should have mentioned the fact that I’m also a pin person at the beginning? I walk to work and on my lunch breaks, so I carry all of my stuff in a backpack. And I proudly display my random pin collection on my backpack. Including several Simon Snow-related pins.)

Don’t Panic: This was based off a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy pin. I don’t really know anything about the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (including if it’s okay to abbreviate it as HGG? THGTTG? whatever), even though I did watch the movie years back when it was on TV and I still lived with my parents who had a TV. But the sentiment felt appropriate, and Shepard is a sort of magickal hitchhiker. Apart from managing to hold down a job at Dick Blick, he appears to lead a somewhat nomadic lifestyle. He tells Penny, “the road is my teacher”, and if that’s not a hitchhiker slogan, I don’t know what is. (Ass, gas, or grass?)

Black Lives Matter: They do. Just sayin’.

Magic Troll Doll: When I was growing up, the Troll doll was all the (nightmare-inducing) rage. Trolls are one of those magickal creatures that are continually mentioned in the series. Shepard talks about lonely trolls under bridges. Simon talks about killing trolls. Agatha would rather kiss a troll. And Baz was kidnapped by numpties, who are sort of like trolls. I couldn’t not include a troll. And the Troll doll specifically felt perfect, because the full name was Magic Troll Doll. You can bet if Shepard had to pick a troll-related pin, it would be a magic(k)al one.

[Asshole]: This is another Kurt Vonnegut pin. It looks like a messily drawn asterisk (*), but it’s actually meant to be an asshole (taken from the preface of Vonnegut’s novel Breakfast of Champions, and drawn by Vonnegut himself). I just thought, why the fuck not? So, here. Have an asshole pin. (I should have put it on a buttonhole…)

HONOURABLE MENTION

Shepard’s Phone Case: Remember that line I quoted earlier, about Shep wanting to get a Vonnegut quote tattoo? Well, when I was trying to figure out what to put on his phone case, I thought that seemed like a reasonable place to start. So, I googled Vonnegut quotes, to see if I could find one that I thought Shepard would like. Here’s the quote: “a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” I just loved that for Shepard.

[prorevenge]

EK tries get me arrested? Enjoy your own criminal record :D

[Background info]

This happened back when I was in sophomore year, and was a bit of a nerd but in a weird phase where I was actually starting to get some confidence. I spent the last 2 years thinking about launching an online business (back when Shopify wasn't as popular and prominent) and finally started to keep on track.

So I spend several weeks going to whole-sale websites, gathering products, designing the websites, etc. Once it launches, I decide to start small and only use my school district as the target market; of course there is mistrust with this system because no one takes a high school kid with an Amazon-esque website seriously. But after a while and some small purchases, I had a decent customer base with around 10-25 orders per week.

This was first when the school found out about it and the AP (Assistant Principal, person designated to watch our specific graduation class for all 4 years we are there) calls me down to his office and basically lectures me on the importance of the legality and on how I need to change the name of the website. Basically I named it after the school which was named after a well-known politician's family, and they didn't want legal issues. I did a lot of homework involving this and legally checked everything, especially since I was a minor and I didn't wanna cause any issues for my own fam.

I didn't care that much, I had been meaning to reboot the site and make it more lighter and modern anyways. I changed the name and moved on.

[Issues begins]

Now EK was a highly manipulative kid; he was one of those unlikable and bratty people who made up stories to attract girls and popularity. He always bragged he was gonna be rich because of how rich his parents were, girls would be obsessed with him, he was gonna be in movies; basically all sorts of delusional claims. I started out being uneasy "friends" with him meaning I just talked to him in class but I slowly drifted away from him because he would constantly flirt and harass these two girls, even though they told him not to and I tried to stop him.

Most of our entire grade didn't like this kid, but then he claims he owned the websites and ran it, and if anyone knows marketing, an unsavory person with ownership is bad for business. So I confront him and he apologizes saying that he'll retract his claims and say the truth.

The next day he did the exact opposite and spread rumors of how the situation happened in the opposite manner. This angered me and he forced my hand, I went straight to the site and made a notification post and email to all my customers saying that [Due to several circulating rumors about our business, we would like to remind out customers that EK does not own the website nor is he connected with us in any shape or form. Thank you for your service! Please be sure to check out our Easter Sale!]

Embarrassed, EK makes the most insane claim that I have ever heard...that I'm using the website to launder and sell drugs & weapons through school. Post-Columbine, this was taken very seriously and I was called down to the office where I found my AP and 3 police officers waiting for me. They questioned me, the website, etc while patting me down and searching my backpack, jacket, and belongings. They freaked out when they saw a condom and credit card knife (yeah it's my own damn fault for having a blade at school but I was an EDC guy who never did anything wrong). Honestly I wasn't as embarrassed as I was worried for the optics on this.

The considered this plausible intent and cause and I was handcuffed and put into police cruiser (a pretty comfy Dodge Charger to be honest) as they headed over to my house and called my mom telling them the situation. They asked to let them search my room (and only my room) and my mom obliges; with us being immigrants, she didn't want any trouble and she probably couldn't think straight from seeing her son in handcuffs. It angered me for a cop to hold me against the wall while I'm restrained, while two more turned my room upside down looking for something that didn't exist while my mother cried her eyes our at all this happening.

They didn't find anything of interest except this out of school project I was working on (JLaservideo's fire gloves, search it up). I had three of them and parts for at least 3 more. The officers asked me what it was and how it worked, I told them the basics and it was for science fair. They took them in as evidence and questioned the legality of the gloves while taking pictures along with the single canister of butane fuel.

I get suspension for 3.5 days (the rest of my school day was In-School-Suspension AKA isolation) but no criminal charges since there was no evidence. WELL NO SHIT!

I checked the office's sign in sheet (whenever we talk to an AP, they keep a record of the time, name, and date of when someone comes in. As I signed out to, I see one name before my own...EKP's. My anger doubles as all I can think of is ways to kill him but I calm myself, saying that his time will come.

The next 3 days allow me to plan for my revenge...

[Revenge time]

One of my friends had a recording of how EK said he wanted to PUSH A GIRL OFF A BALCONY at a party they both were at BECAUSE SHE REJECTED HIM! Maybe somehow that recording was emailed to the police department, teachers, and several students through a throwaway email....

I recorded him stalking this girl from school and all the way to her house and peeking in through her window. This didn't happen once, twice but four times! This was edited almost like a montage and emailed as well.

Once every 5 weeks, the school brought in drug dogs. I saw a K9 police car in the parking lot and quickly texted my friend that was a pothead. I told him to bring a weed brownie and put it in EK's bag when during 2nd period (which was at the other side of the school so he wouldn't get caught). This went swimmingly as hallway banter was filled with EK being caught with drugs in school.

[End Result]

EK was expelled, had a restraining order filed on him by the girl along with two others who came forward, and had a court case the next month. The second girl had a boyfriend who was a classmate of mine and I let him know what he was doing. Somehow the guy found out where he lived and him and his friend's keyed his car, slashed his tires, stole his shoes, and jumped him. He was found guilty for possession of marijuana (idk the real charge but the state I live in is very strict with weed; this resulted in several moths of juvenile detention where he was beat up even more. Where he is now, I don't know but I doubt he succeeded like how he bragged he would.

I spent the rest of the year in a very peaceful mindset :D

(source) story by (/u/Spade3k)

[sairenharia]

Queen of Secrets pt. 4

Part 3

AO3

The link for a top of the line laptop and a text. 'One hour of your time. You don't have to agree to anything, don't have to answer anything, just hear me out, and that's yours. Or any computer of similar value, but according to Max, most any nerd would love it.'

Leave it to Chloe to request something while insulting someone.

Alya still pondered just saying no. It IS Chloe, after all, and they've never made it a secret how much they hate each other.

...but it is a very nice laptop and she's been thinking about getting a laptop. Her phone is good for basic posting, but anything heavy duty required her desk top. Having a laptop would be really nice. And she can't pretend she's not curious. The fact Chloe is being this blunt has to mean something. And she can't think of anything she's done to earn Chloe to put in the effort to actually trick her into some humiliation. It's one thing to take the opportunity when it presents itself, but usually it takes earning it for her to go out of her way.

Plus it'd give her a chance to ask Chloe a few questions of her own. Marinette and Chloe have been weird lately. They've never gotten along, usually only hang around each other when Adrien was around or if Chloe was trying to provoke her. Lately though, Marinette keeps staring at Chloe like she's about to have a panic attack and that would be cause for pure alarm if Chloe was throwing back smug looks or some kind of taunt. Instead, she seemed to ignore Marinette completely. Even when talking with Adrien, she was more focused on him then how Marinette might be reacting.

It's weird and Marinette kept saying it was nothing.

After some long deliberation, she finally agrees, but only if they're talking out of public eye and Chloe has to let her hold her phone so she doesn't try to take any videos. She knows Chloe isn't actually dangerous, and if it is a humiliation plot, there's only so much she can do while they're alone. Plus it keeps whatever Marinette is freaked out about private.

It's clear by the curt reply that Chloe is annoyed, but agrees.

So Alya comes to Chloe's room in the Grand Paris. They get drinks, Alya gets what is actually the best thing on the menu in regards to snacks because she knows her mother's cooking, thank you very much, and it's almost like a tea party except Chloe is handing over her phone with a look at Alya like she's taking her baby as well as a card for the website. "That has enough money to pay for the laptop plus warranty. I'm sure you'll need it," Chloe said.

Well, Alya can't say she's wrong. "Let me just check," she said, pulling out her phone even as Chloe rolls her eyes. She goes to the website and checks the balance on the card. And there it was. She hummed and pocketed the card and her phone and set Chloe's phone down on the floor beside her feet. "All right. You have one hour," she said.

"You're far too kind," Chloe said with all the insincerity she could muster. "I know you want to ask, so let's get it out of the way, but I'm not letting you drag it out," she said, picking up her tea to take a sip.

"What did you do to Marinette?" Alya asked, glaring at the girl.

"Absolutely nothing," Chloe said, prim and calm. "I found out something. She knows I know."

"And you threatened to tell?" Alya demanded.

"No, I have no intentions of telling anyone," she said.

And that. Catches Alya off guard. "....you can't expect me to believe you. You hate Marinette!"

"Yes, but I know Adrien finding out about her little crush isn't going to be the world ending event she's convinced herself it is," Chloe said with a scoff.

And that...

Well, yeah, that WOULD explain it, wouldn't it? Really, Alya loved Marinette, she did, but the girl jumped to some pretty big conclusions. She seemed convinced if Adrien found out about her feelings, he'd either be madly in love with her, or would try to get her exiled to Tibet. Of course she'd freak out if Chloe of all people 'found out' even though it was obvious to most people with eyes that Marinette had feelings for Adrien.

"Seriously? That's what the girl has been stressed out about?" Alya asked, lightly facepalming.

"I know! It's actually sad enough, I can't even enjoy taunting her with it," Chloe said with a despairing shrug.

"Is that really why?" Alya asked, disbelieving.

"Hmm. Well. She did throw that party for me. Maybe I'm a little grateful," Chloe said, picking up a cream puff. "Feel free to tell her, I'm sure she'll never believe you. No one else will."

Alya scowled and sat back, crossing her arms. "I'm not sure I believe that's the only reason why she's freaked out."

"Then ask her. I'm not a monster, despite what you might think," Chloe said dryly. "I have limits to what I might do, even to Dupain-Cheng."

Which. Alya did actually believe. Oh, she hated Chloe, without a doubt. But what Chloe didn't know was that she was Rena Rouge. She knew despite Chloe being Chloe, it was obvious she had been dedicated to being a superhero. She had even apologized after losing Mayura. She had handed back the Miraculous with a surprising amount of grace. Chloe was a terrible person, could be outright vile, but she knows she's caused less Akuma's lately, and no one can put that much effort in a life or death scenario and NOT have something noble in them.

It's like Mylene said. It's just really deep down.

Alya considered her a few moments more and she sighed. "All right. I'll believe you. For now. Why am I here?" She asked, picking up her tea to take a drink.

"A few reasons, but first? I want your help to figure out how to get her and Adrien dating," Chloe said.

Alya choked on her tea, barely managing to not spit it out. She grabbed a napkin, coughing violently into it. Chloe just kept nibbling the pastry, waiting. "You want-YOU want to play matchmaker? For Marinette and Adrien?! I thought you wanted him?!" She demanded as soon as she got air in her lungs.

"I did," she said. "And no, I'm not going to explain the story behind that. I've accepted I'm not going to win his heart, but he is still my childhood friend. I'm invested in his happiness and as much as it pains me, Marinette can give it to him. If she stopped being a coward and he stopped being as dense as a rock."

"Marinette is not a coward!" Alya snapped angrily.

"She is when it comes to Adrien," Chloe shot back.

Alya opened her mouth. Then closed it. Okay, Marinette was kind of a coward when it came to Adrien.

"I have a deal with Lahiffe. You can ask him in case you're afraid I'm trying to do something underhanded, but I told him if he thinks Adrien wants to go somewhere, then I'll use my pull as the 'approved' friend to get Adrien permission to go. I'm offering that up to you plus any insider information to set up a proper atmosphere. Of course, outings will need to be group at first, and Marinette needs to get a back bone before we leave them alone too long. If the Gorilla figures out Adrien is off alone with someone else too often, it might shake my pull. He's more than willing to look the other way at Adrien having 'more' as long as the literal orders are met. Which is 'watch Adrien while he's with Chloe,' or along those lines," Chloe said with a wave of her hand, picking up a finger sandwich.

"Whose the Gorilla?" Alya asked, looking confused.

"Hm? Oh, a nickname for Adrien's bodyguard. We called him that all the time as children and just never stopped. I think he thinks it's cute, at least he doesn't glare at me for it," Chloe said with a shrug. "I can't remember what his real name is anymore anyway."

"Huh," Alya said, tapping the table. "And you're doing this....for Adrien?"

"Yes," Chloe said simply.

"Not some under handed way to break Marinette's heart or something?" She asked.

"I have no control what Adrien's answer will be," Chloe said. "And I don't think he's aware of just how fond he is of Marinette. But I have seen a lot of girls kiss that boy's cheek, Alya. A lot. I've kissed his cheek a lot." She was looking down at her tea, expression sullen. "He's never looked at any of them the way he looked at Marinette." She sighed and looked up, composing herself again. "So, we need to expose him to her more. We need to sent up scenarios so he'll think about her more in that light. So hopefully when her backbone finally kicks in, he won't be an idiot."

Alya stared at Chloe, silent for a long while. She doesn't look away, though she can see Chloe's eyes getting more distant. Like it's hard to keep the strong face this time.

Before, Alya would have never believed her. Thought it was a plot, a trap of some sort. But she saw Chloe give up the Miraculous without a fight, because it was right. Because Ladybug asked. She knows she didn't want to. Alya knows it's hard to give up the Miraculous, even if it's right to and that's her. She can only imagine how hard it is for a girl as selfish as Chloe. And to do it after Ladybug hurt her by telling her she wouldn't be Queen Bee anymore to boot.

She finds herself believing that maybe she was actually being honest. For Adrien's sake.

"Why are you sure Marinette would make Adrien happy?" She asked.

Chloe snapped to attention and actually glared at that. She scoffed and drank the rest of her tea. She grabbed the pot to pour more. "Marinette encourages people. She listens to people. Adrien needs people like that in his life. But when she stops being so star struck, she'll be able to handle him when he's being a brat. And I assure you, he can be a brat, just not often," she said, starting to put sugar into her tea. "She'll be able to take all he is when he let's down his barriers and I do think she'll still love him. I don't know why she fell in love with him, but she isn't the kind to use someone's fame or connections, especially since she's doing well enough on her own to make her own name. She'll give him the love and support he deserves and she'll have a guy who will adore her, I guess, but I think she'll push him to be better than he is right now because that's what she's been doing so far and ugh, do I really need to keep saying nice things about Dupain-Cheng?" She asked, finally devolving into a whine.

"Yeah, especially since you ruined your tea," Alya said with a smug grin, pointing down to the cup that had a pile of sugar just under the surface.

Chloe looked down and scowled. She stood up, picking up the tea cup and moving to the private bath as Alya laughed to herself. She comes back, over sugared contents having been dumped in the sink, and pours herself another cup.

"All right. I'm willing to believe you're doing this for Adrien's sake," Alya said. Then gave her a hard look. "But I swear if this is some plot to hurt Marinette..."

"Yes, yes, you'll destroy me somehow," Chloe said with a roll of her eyes. "If you're worried about Marinette, I'm not the one you need to watch."

"What? Who else would want to hurt her?" Alya asked, looking caught off guard.

"Lila," Chloe said.

Alya groaned. "Seriously? Nino confirmed it, Lila has no interest in Adrien," she said.

Chloe laughed. "You really think Nino can tell if a girl likes a guy?"

"He asked her!" Alya said, throwing up her hands.

"Which doesn't do a lot of good if she's a liar," she said.

"Just because she has an eventful life doesn't mean she's a liar! She's been nothing, but nice since she got here."

"And yet Marinette hates her."

"Because she's jealous!"

"Marinette doesn't lie when she's jealous."

"And how would you know?"

"Because I saw how she reacted to Kagami," Chloe said. "I know she can be mean when it comes to Adrikins, but I had to talk her into it, with her complaining the whole time, never once saying a bad thing about Kagami. She made it very clear her only problem was Adrien might actually run off to Japan with Kagami. If she's being cruel unprompted, it's not fueled by jealousy alone."

"Wait, when did this happen?" Alya asked, looking shocked.

"A few weeks ago. But long story short, we just tried to make it so the girl would have to go home and change or risk embarrassing her family. I never saw a lick of hate, and Kagami is far more likely to steal Adrien then Lila," she said, flipping over a sheet of paper she had on the table beside her. Showing Alya the picture of Lila kissing Adrien's cheek. "That? That is Adrien's 'don't cause a scene because of the handsy girl' face. He would not consent to a selfie like that. Certainly not one that got sent to everyone in class," she said.

"So she got a little enthusiastic, I'm sure he told her not to do it again," Alya said.

"Oh, he definitely would not. Adrien has trouble coming to other people's defenses when it might cause a scene, let alone himself. About the only time Adrien sticks to his bodyguard is when he goes to events where stuff like this might happen a lot specifically because the Gorilla would stop this from happening," Chloe said.

"I'm sure she didn't mean any harm! It's just a misunderstanding!"

"Except it doesn't explain why Marinette hates her. But if she's a liar? Oh, it'd explain a whole lot. Marinette hates liars with a passion. You know that and I know that."

"Why are you even talking about Lila? What does she have to do about getting Adrien and Marinette together?" Alya demanded, trying to stamp down her rage at Chloe bad mouthing her new friend. Lila is new. Maybe a little enthusiastic about making friends, misunderstandings happen! She knows how hard it is to be new.

"Because you're supposed to be a reporter and check your facts," Chloe said, leaning forward, crossing her arms on the table. "So why the heck did you make a post about Lila saying she's best friends with Ladybug on your blog?"

"Because she is!" Alya said, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Really? Really? How do they maintain their friendship?" Chloe demanded.

"Because she has a magic way to contact Ladybug," Alya insisted.

"Ah, yes, the magic spell. So, let me ask you this, Alya Cesaire, why did this girl get this close to Ladybug, get this special contact, within a few days of moving to Paris, before the number one reporter of all things Ladybug, and the girl who had been making Akumas on a weekly basis?" Chloe said, leading forward more. "Ladybug, who has told reporters off before for asking unprofessional questions, who never stays and chats beyond her duty, whose been unerringly professional. Why would she give special contact like that to some girl when she could give it to two people who have been first on the scene of many Akuma attacks? You know, a spell that would possibly let her know about danger faster instead of relying on the News or making sure her phone is on to get an alert from your blog? Why wouldn't she give it to me after I was made Queen Bee so I didn't have to rely on a giant light in the sky?"

Alya opened her mouth. Then she closed her mouth because, well, Chloe had a point. Anytime Ladybug needed Rena Rouge, she'd have to waste time on finding Alya. She wasn't always on the scene when she was recruited, after all.

"...and more than that," Chloe said. "And I will sue you for slander if you post this on the blog, because of some things I'll get into later, but Ladybug told me it's dangerous to ask for Queen Bee's help anymore. Because my identity is known. It puts my family and me in danger. She keeps that secret identity to keep herself and her loved ones safe. In what world do you think she would ever, ever trust someone that intimately who goes around saying she's Ladybug's BFF, they're close, she knows all sorts of things and let herself get interviewed on a blog most of Paris keeps an eye on? If it was true, it puts a big target right on her back to get hunted down and hurt repeatedly, the last thing Ladybug wants for anyone she cares about."

Alya was silent at that because Chloe had a good point. She had a lot of good points. Alya herself saw Ladybug tell Chloe she can't be Queen Bee because of that very concern.

"Plus Adrien and I saw Jagged Stone the first day he arrived. He came in with a crocodile," Chloe said, sitting back. "And he had a whole list of weird demands. That was a pet he had for a while."

Alya was staring down at the table, a feeling of dread growing in her stomach. Was it true? Was Lila lying this whole time? It's true, it would drive Marinette insane. And she has been weirdly insistent on it. Even for jealously, surely she would be at least a little inconsistent, right?

"....people who lie that often," Chloe started, looking away. "They hate being called out. Either they're desperately insecure, convince themselves it's true, or it's all about controlling and manipulating people. I can't say which one Lila is exactly, but I can tell you now, she's not honest. And if Marinette hates her and makes it known she doesn't believe Lila, there's a good chance it might come down to her word versus Lila's and no way the liar is gonna back down from Marinette. I'd be ready to fact check her before she feels threatened," she said.

"....I guess it wouldn't hurt to at least confirm her stories. Rose can talk to Prince Ali. And Jagged Stone is here, maybe I can talk to him about him those times he had to deal with Akuma's for the blog and just see if he remembers her," Alya said.

"Exactly. You don't even need to talk to her about it. If she does as much as she says, then surely people will remember her," Chloe said, grabbing another cream puff.

Alya nodded, grabbing her teacup, just to hold it. She didn't like it. Doubting a friend. A friend whose helped her. But not as much as Marinette. No one could compare to Marinette. But she'd doubted Marinette a lot, hadn't she? No, Marinette deserved Alya at least seeing if it was true. Maybe if she brought proof, she could show Marinette, and her and Lila could finally talk it out? Yeah, she's sure this is all just a misunderstanding, she just needed proof.

"That all?" Alya finally asked.

"...no," Chloe said, grabbing another cream puff, popping it into her mouth. Then she flipped over the other pieces of paper, showing a few pictures. All blurry, at a distance, hard to make out. It'd be hard to say what the image was.

If Alya didn't immediately know and she fights to react. Because while one picture has Queen Bee in it on top of a building, the other photos aren't. Some could be the same day, yet others showed signs of destruction, altered skies from other Akuma attacks. They're all at a distance and it's obvious she's trying to not be seen, but she knew who it was.

It was Mayura.

"What am I looking at? An Akuma?" Alya asked.

"No. That's Mayura," Chloe said. "Remember the strange moth creature that appeared on Heroes Day? After the scarlet army was defeated and we were confronting Hawk Moth?" She asked, Alya slowly nodding her head. "That wasn't him. That was someone else." She tapped the picture. "That is the Peacock Miraculous user."

"They've appeared? Why haven't they showed up with any Akuma's?" Alya asked.

"If they're never in sight, they can't be caught, probably. Ladybug and Chat Noir are pros at getting magical items off supervillains," Chloe said with a shrug. "That's just a theory. But I've been wondering if you've gotten any other pictures of her. People send Akuma sightings to you, don't they?"

Alya nodded, and the truth was, she had gotten a picture or two of Mayura. Not this many this. Usually only once every few weeks from Heroes Day. "I thought maybe it was a joke since usually the Akuma at the time looked totally different," she said.

"I think she's doing something else," she said.

"What?" Alya asked, picking up the pictures. They're all pictures low to the ground, too.

Chloe grabbed another cream puff and stuffed her mouth.

Alya looked up, raising an eyebrow. "Chloe?"

She grabbed her tea cup, taking another drink.

"Chloe!"

"I'm not sure. Not yet," Chloe said with a groan, slumping forward, hand over her face. "But I have some ideas, but I need to talk to Ladybug about it."

"I thought you said it's dangerous for her to use Queen Bee," Alya pointed out.

"It is! But it's not like I never see them or anything.... " she said, looking way.

"True. You do still cause Akuma's."

"I've gone way down and you know it!" Chloe snapped.

Alya hummed. "Why are you showing me this?"

"....I don't think Ladybug has realized how much she's moving around yet," Chloe said, rubbing her temple. "And I still...I still want to help. So. If you get a sighting of Mayura, I'd like if you could pass the information on to me. And. Keep her existence off the blog for right now."

"What? You can't ask me to hide a supervillain!" Alya protested. Honestly, she'd been trying to figure out how to post about Mayura without making it obvious she had been a superhero. Chloe saw that whole encounter and she's pretty sure she's not that dumb.

"And if one of my theories is correct, you could totally ruin a chance to catch her!" Chloe snapped, a fist hitting the table.

"I won't-catch her?" Alya said, looking confused.

"...yes," Chloe said, sitting back. "If I'm right, it's a situation that Ladybug could turn around. But only if Mayura doesn't suspect a thing. If Ladybug tells you about the existence of Mayura and gives the go ahead, okay, fine. Whatever. But I'm....asking you. As a....f....favor. To tell her to come talk to me first before she gives permission. In case it's a bad idea," Chloe said. Looking away. Then up again. "....please."

"...that looked painful."

"It really was."

Alya looked down at the photos. It's a roll of the dice how soon Chloe would see Ladybug. But Ladybug was calling on her more and more for help and she was always willing to take a question or two for the Ladyblog. She could at least send her Chloe's way, see what's up. It might delay sharing Mayura a week, maybe.

She looked up at Chloe. Chloe who was offering to help Marinette get her happy ending. Chloe who may have kept her from being taken for a ride, in case Lila really is as bad as Marinette said. At least giving her an idea on how to fix the problem if nothing else.

Chloe who still gave back that Bee Miraculous.

Alya sighed. "Fine. I'll send Ladybug your way, but the moment Ladybug gives the okay afterwards, I'm doing it," she said. "And she'll get all the Mayura information from me too, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to send the info to you for now. And I guess there's no reason to post about Queen Bee, public opinion really turned around on you after Heroes Day. It wouldn't reassure anyone to say you're on the bench for good."

Chloe sighed, slumping a bit. Then she shook her head and sat up again. "Then that's all I wanted to talk about." A very long pause. "Th....thank you."

Alya snickered. "You should see your face right now."

"Don't push it," she said flatly.

Alya laughed and sat up, grabbing the beef patties. "I'm going to take these with me. No need to waste them," she said.

Chloe waved her away. "Yes, yes, take it, I'm not going to eat it," she said.

"Thanks for the laptop. I'll talk to Nino, see what he thinks of your offer and we'll call you later."

She's still a little on the fence of how much she wants to work with Chloe, but a journalist checks her sources. She can decide what she'll do once she's verified what she can and get Nino's take on the situation.

And it's not like she totally hated working with Queen Bee.

[omigodimonfire]

Fitness Resources a.k.a. How to Get Jacked 2 tha Max

I pick things up and then I put them back down. I do a mix of strength training, weight lifting, and HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) cardio, interspersed with whatever I feel like doing on any given day, so these are all resources that I have found helpful.

Follow-along workout videos

Fitness Blender, and their youtube channel, is one of my faves for workout videos. They have a crapload of videos of all different levels, and they’re really good about talking you through each movement and modifying movements so that you can do things safely at a level you’re comfortable with. Their website has a fantastic search tool, so that you can sort their 563(!!!) videos by duration, difficulty, training style, body area of focus, equipment, etc. It’s so handy.

Velvet Hammer Fitness tends to post longer and more intense workout videos. They also have beginner-friendly videos, and will give you beginner modifications on the intense videos. It feels like I’ve climbed a mountain when I finish some of these. 

Kat Musni Fitness has fun 30-45 min videos. She’s weird and she keeps things interesting.

Scola Dondo has a series of dance workout videos. They are super fun to follow, and she always explains that she doesn’t teach the moves because she wants you to watch the video a few times and dance until you get it, which is a clever way to keep yourself moving.

The Fitness Marshall has even more dance workout videos! He choreographs cardio dance moves to hit pop songs, and he talks you through all of the steps. He has a curated playlist for a weekly-ish workout, called The Sweat Set, so it starts with a slower song to get you warmed up, and then a bunch of higher paced songs, followed by another slow song for a cool-down. It’s great fun, and he always makes me laugh.

HASfit is relatively new to me, but it seems to be similar to the Fitness Blender channel. They look like they know what they’re doing.

Yoga, Pilates, etc.

Blogilates, aka Cassey Ho, has a ton of 5-15 min follow-along pilates videos that focus on specific areas of the body. These pilates moves look easy-peasy, but damn do they burn.

Fightmaster Yoga has, by far, the coolest name. She has all kinds of yoga videos, from the short ones that explain certain poses in-depth, to the 1.5 hour long yoga “classes”. I did most of her 90-day yoga challenge* and loved it. I could feel myself getting stronger as the days went on. She’s really good about explaining what each movement is and how it should feel.

Yoga with Adriene has a similar style to Fightmaster Yoga, but with mostly 25-30 min videos. She also has a bunch of themed yoga videos, for example: yoga for hangovers. Realistic.

Flow With Adee has great flexibility videos, as well as a series of videos on stretching and recovering the day after a hard workout. Very useful! [Beware, the comments section on her videos gets real sexual and gross. Don’t look at the comments. :( ]

Sean Vigue Fitness has videos that mostly focus on strength-building yoga and pilates. He’s also kinda weird and makes random jokes. I like his vibe.

* “__ Day Beginner Challenge” things are great for motivation. It’s convenient and a great way to instill a daily habit. They’re a very popular thing, so pretty much any youtube yoga channel will have at least one “30 day beginner challenge” for you to try out.

Information, Tutorials, Articles, etc.

Gold Medal Bodies, or GMB, has lots of articles and tutorials. They’re a great place to go if you want to know more of the science behind a movement, healthy ways to move, or if you have a specific spot that you want to work on (for ex: stiff neck, sore elbows, etc.). They focus mainly on bodyweight movement with no equipment, and they have a few youtube videos to accompany the tutorials.

Bodybuilding.com is another website with articles and tutorials. It’s definitely leaning more towards aesthetic results, but they have useful information and about a million ways to get strong AF.

Athlean-X is a very bro-y youtube channel, but the guy makes great videos on the best ways to work out for strength. He covers form, number of sets and reps, the order you should perform things in, and more. If you don’t know what any of that means, this is a great place to learn.

Meg Squats is a fun channel to check out. She’s funny and has a realistic approach to strength training and life, and she’s strong as shit. DAMN inspirational.

Superhero Jacked has themed workouts for nerds. If there’s a comic book, movie, tv show, or game character that you admire, they’ve probably got a workout for them. They break down a weekly routine for each character that, in theory, will make you jacked like a superhero/ villain. It’s fun to read, at the very least.

Muscle for Life has some really useful tutorials and articles, if you can ignore the heteronormative bs way they’re advertising their books. Honestly, there’s a whole lot of bs going on in the fitness industry and I’m exhausted just thinking about it, but some of these primitive idiots really know their shit when it comes to getting stronger and healthier.

That’s all I can think of right now, but I may add to this later…

As a follow-up, here’s this: you’ve probably heard this a hundred times, but in order for you to really stick with a fitness regimen and reach your goals, whatever those may be, your choices have to be sustainable. If you pick something super difficult and challenging and make yourself do it every day, you will quickly lose motivation and burn out. So try a bunch of things and see what you like, and find something (or multiple things) that you can do every week. Find something that you like. Maybe you won’t be excited to do it every week, but at least you won’t absolutely despise it.

I try to remind myself that my workouts are not meant to be punishments. I’m not working extra hard because of that piece of cake I ate, or because I missed a workout yesterday. I’m working hard because I want to, because I love the way it makes me feel strong and capable. I also have to remind myself that some days I may feel weaker or shittier than other days, and that’s ok. Maybe I’m sore from a previous workout, maybe I didn’t sleep well, maybe I’m just in a terrible mood. It’s ok to take breaks when you need them, and to cut workouts short or skip them entirely. Remember, whatever you’re doing has to sustain you. Push your limits, work hard, be smart, don’t hurt yourself. Someone, probably a yogi, said, “thank your body for everything it does for you.”

[asexual-society]

Aspec & Arospec YouTube List Part 2!

Apparently there are a lot more ace youtubers that I missed on the last list…

The descriptions for each channel are pretty much just copied and pasted from their channel descriptions. Unless they didn’t have a description, in which case I just wrote ‘vlogger’.

Please note: All the content of the channels below may or may not reflect the views or opinions of this blog or it’s moderators. Nor is all of it safe for work or free of problematic elements. Please use your own discretion. 

Note 2: If your favorite youtuber is not on this list, feel free to add on! 

Enjoy!

Aaron Ansuini: A trans ace vlogger who talks about both asexuality, being trans, video games, art, and motivation; Twitter

Abbie Wells: Aspec singer, actress, and vlogger; Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram 

Aced It!: We are just a handful of Ace/Aro YouTubers who wanted to make a community to chat! Hang out let’s talk! ; instagram

Ace Ideas: We are a diverse group of asexuals here to share our knowledge, experiences, passions, hobbies, and stories surrounding our asexuality.; Facebook, tumblr, twitter 

Aceland Alexander Kent: Transgender-Male, Homoromantic, Aceflux-Asexual musician and vlogger. He used to run the queer information channel, Questions and Queeries ; Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, BandCamp

Ahsante the Artist: Artist, Storyteller, Harvard 2015. A place for educated discussion, spirited lifestyle, cultural critique, creative reflection, and the silly goings on in the life and mind of Ahsante; website, Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Portfolio website, Patreon

Androigynous: Hey guys! Andie here. Your resident cat girl. You’ll find gameplay, art, unboxings and feline vlogs! There’s something for everyone. ✨; instagram, facebook

Antastesia: A French asexual feminism/lifestyle/travel/vegan vlogger; Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, professional website

Anthony Pero: Posting funny videos and skits with the purpose of making people laugh. I like to focus on anything from serious topics like depression to goofier subjects like my Facebook newsfeed. My channel also consists of parodies of people I know, things I see, or random events that I think need to be spoofed; Twitter, Facebook, Instagram

ArtByFlan: Sometimes I draw things. Sometimes I record myself drawing things. Sometimes I post videos of myself drawing things here!; tumblr, deviantart, facebook, twitter

Asexualise My Asexual Life:  Asexualise Your Asexual Life: Empower And Enhance Your Asexual Life. Giving Asexuals a voice in the world. It is my mission to give asexuals a voice in the world; to empower other asexuals to be comfortable and confident with their asexuality; and to give insight into my colourful asexual life, to enable others to better understand their own and to know they are not alone. I want to educate others about asexuality, so that in the future, all asexuals can live in society happily.; twitter, facebook 

Autistic Asexual fangirl Adventures: just a vlog page, random ramblings and adventures of a autistic asexual and geek who wants to try and make the word a better place.; twitter

BaptismOnFire: My name is Jack, I love horror and all things creepy. Here you’ll find videos about nightmares, monsters, creepypasta and generally spooky things! Remember to watch the skies, stay paranoid and trust no one…; Twitter, Tumblr, DeviantArt

Blue Phoenix Ace: American ace education vlogger. My goal is to educate people about Aromanticism and Asexuality, because maybe it will help someone learn the truth about themselves before they hit the age of 37!; music channel, Website, Soundcloud, Facebook

BreakfastAlexis: An asexual artist who creates animatics; tumblr, twitter, redbubble

Brian Langevin: Occasional videos discussing asexuality and life in general! This channel also hosts an archive of Everything’s A-Okay - a project Brian Langevin started alongside the project’s writer, Amy Liang, to bring greater visibility to asexuality; Twitter

Channel for Positivity l Understanding l Justice: Demisexual Korean-American motivational vlogger. Stay woke. See BOTH Sides. Social Justice. Bite-Sized Politics. Build more POSITIVITY :D Pragmatic Utopian. Diversity. Understand Humans & Relationships. Embrace Progress.; twitter, tumblr

Christi Kerr: This channel is a mix of whatever I like to do, which mainly includes vlogging but could include any number of things; Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, SnapChat, Instagram

Christine Sydelko: The youtube channel of vine-star/popular internet comedian and her boyfriend; Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat

Clara Unleashed: Denmark based asexual/biromanic vlogger. They also run the aspec focused youtube channel, My Ace Experience ; Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr

Cultlleader: Asexual Vlogger; Instagram, twitter

curlybobofelia: UK based asexuality Awareness, LGBTQ, Mental Health Awareness, Disability Rights, Child Rights & Anti-bullying Advocate vlogger; Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram

Dylan Tyler: I’m Dylan, and I suck at writing the intro things, so let’s just eat a lot of popcorn together and do an unhealthy amount of binge watching. Subscribing makes it easier to find me when you’re up for binging :) ; instagram, twitter

ElectraSnow: Demisexual artist, makeup artist, and special effects makeup expert: Twitter, Etsy, Tumblr, Facebook

Elisa Hansen/Maven of the Eventide: Voraciously vivacious Vampire Reviews. The Maven peers into the realms of the creatures of the night for a humorous analysis of vampires in media and pop culture; Twitter, Facebook

Embly: 18 years old, also the cutest small potato in the neighbourhood, wine mum, also very salty and nostalgic over a jam sandwich she lost over 2 years ago; Twitter, Instagram

Estelle Z: Music, vlogs, scrapbooks, and whatever else I happen to fancy; Tumblr, Twitter, Soundcloud, Facebook, Patreon, Gumroad

happy fish: Autistic, mentally ill, queer, nonbinary person vlogging about my life and trying to pretend I know how to function as an adult.; etsy, tumblr

Heroic Pages: Canadian, lover of books, films and imagination…and also a huge nerd!! Critter! Very much an unapologetic introvert (INTJ) ACE hermit cat lady den mother!; twitter, instagram, goodreads

JakeMale TV: I do Comedy sketch videos but also Vlogs! I share my life experiences with you so you can laugh at my mistakes. I have funny moments in my life, come and join me living my life. Click on ‘SUBSCRIBE’ to be told when I upload a new video! I advice it, MY LIFE IS WEIRD! I also do a University Advice series!; twitter, facebook, vimeo

Jeff Miller: Demiromantic/demisexual transmasculine musician, actor, and all around content creator; Patreon, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr

janeil darnell: An aroace vlogger; twitter

jennaclarek: Heteroromantic asexual. I just graduated college with a BS degree (get it) in Audio/Video Production. I’m also obsessed with Taylor Swift, strawberry cake, and musicals. I mostly make videos about books, but I also make videos about my life, my faith, and the other things I enjoy!; goodreads, twitter, tumblr, instagram, bandcamp

Jourdann: A channel that’s all about ships (the tv kind), college life, and artsy videos; Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram

kaihugstrees: Non-binary asexual. I make videos every week about my life, from travel vlogs and challenges to videos about mental health, disability, and queer topics; Twitter, Tumblr

Kelly McCraw: Akoiromantic Asexual vlogger

Marshall John Blount: Just an Ace guy trying to make it through life…This vlog will be about my everyday life and Asexual awareness…..I hope y'all will tag along on this interesting journey with me 💜💜

marsisnotcreative: Brazilian vlogger. Does covers of songs, videos chatting about stuff i enjoy, giving opinions, rants about some things that bother me, pseudo-artsy videos; twitter, tumblr, instagram

megathornberryy: Aspec book reviewer and vlogger; Goodreads, Twitter, Instagram

Milo Stewart: My name is Milo and my pronouns are they/them. Gender confused college kid named “YouTube’s most controversial trans vlogger” by The Daily Dot; Twitter, Instagram

Mikey Neumann (of Chainsawsuit Original): Ace president of Chainsaw Original and film critic ; Twitter, Website

moonchild: My channel covers a large variety of topics and genres, some of which include asexuality, body modifications, mental health, with the occasional story time or rant video thrown in; Tumblr

Overlysarcasticproductions: Sarcastic, yet informative, summaries of classic and not-so-classic literature and mythology, as well as major historical events! (Red has stated that she is asexual); threadless, cafepress, twitter

Peach The College Girl’s Vlog: Asexual Biromantic gaming channel ;twitter, twitch, snapchat

Phoebe Saturn : i make youtube videos as a hobby and hopefully have a positive impact on your day :] ; twitter

ppusherr: Gender, Sexuality, and Social Issues solved with Positivity and Education; Tumblr

punkygirlontherock: Asexual Canadian vlogger

Ricky Dillon: American YouTube personality and singer-songwriter; Book website, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Spotify

Sally Le Page: Grey-ace UK vlogger. Aims to bring science further into popular culture by making science videos that make you laugh, make you feel and make you think; Website, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Flickr

sara elizabeth: Demisexual American make-up vlogger. i’m sara and i’m sorta obsessed with makeup and musicals; twitter, instagram

Sebastian Columbine: A horror and surrealist, filmmaker and artist in Los Angeles, California. This youtube channel surrounds Sebastian’s unique style, both in terms of fashion and beauty, as well as their lifestyle and artistic endeavors; Professional blog/website, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Patreon

skellydun: life is an experience. here are some of mine; Tumblr

SixFootNerd: British, six foot and a total nerd! Just someone talking about Movie/Tv News, Events, Reviews and Discussions; Twitter, Tumblr

Sophie Foster: Demisexual/biromantic fashion, makeup, and lifestyle vlogger from the UK; Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram

SoulOfEbony: I wanna scribble cartoons for a living and make people smile.; tumblr, twitter

Taye Nic: I’m just an 20 year old college student who is trying to live for the first time:) Lol, I just got into makeup! I also love making things, broadway, Disney, my boho chic style lol and NYC more than anything else! I also love to make friends so stop by; twitter, instagram, pinterest

The Asexual Goddess: Ace and in your face. I’m actually an introvert so i don’t know how that works

TheGothicAlice: Asexual Aromantic artist, Manic Panic dyehard, horror junkie, cynic, and part time model; facebook, Etsy, Tumblr

TheMysteriousMrEnter: Asexual/Aromantic animation reviewer; DeviantArt, Tumblr, Twitter, TvTropes, Facebook,

Vivi Addams: Feel free to hang around for a while, watch some Lego animations, hopefully subscribe… Enjoy!; Tumblr, Twitter

[starrypawz]

Ok i don’t tend to talk much about ace stuff on here but that post I reblogged pretty much summed things up for me? (It’s hard to work out your orientation full stop)

I’d rather people not reblog this post ok

Also apologies because I ended up rambling a lot 

I sort of grew up just like ‘Well i guess I’m straight?’ I remember ‘learning what gay and lesbian meant’ before I finished primary school (probably not in a necessarily positive way because kids are assholes like that but you know I knew what they were) and that I knew that people get married and so well... I guess I’d eventually get married? (Not necessarily an ace thing but I never like really imagined stuff to do with that)

But I remember in primary school when boyfriends and girlfriends started happening and being a bit like ‘uh ok?’and like talking about people being attractive and like ‘uh ok? I don’t get this’

But I mean I was an awkward nerd kid (I still am an awkward nerd ok) and it was like ‘Well I’m not interested? Why are people interested? I’d rather just keep reading books and doing other stuff that everyone seems to have outgrown’ I’m just a kid ok. 

I didn’t have a lot of friends and spent a lot of my childhood and teens quite socially isolated in all honesty. I know in a sense probably some of my social development was a bit jacked up. Also chuck in dyspraxia too and it’s a bit of a mess over there,

I  grew up in a Christian household, now it wasn’t so much like ‘you are banned from dating’ or anything but my parents didn’t talk much about relationships and stuff with me, they’ve never pressured me like ‘You need to date’ or ‘Get married’ or ‘Grandkids now!’ but that and a Christian school sort of just like enforced ‘You just don’t talk about sex, that’s for when you get married and you get married cause you’re supposed to GOD WILL LEAD YOU TO THE RIGHT PERSON’  like not directly? but it was there it wasn’t normal to talk about this stuff

I think when I was around 16 I sort of had a few thoughts like ‘i guess a boyfriend would be nice? I don’t know’ but didn’t put much thought in it, guessed I’d maybe find someone. At 16 I was suddenly chucked back in the real world and around ‘normal’ people my own age after leaving my weird church school . I remember a few cases of ‘we’re talking about sex ehehehe sex!’ and I was just incredibly uncomfortable in those conversations but I mean i was a weird sheltered kid so ofc i’d be uncomfortable right? 

Also online growing up I was sort of exposed to slash and shipping and was a bit like ‘uh ok i don’t get this? people do this but why? IT’S WEIRD’ (thats changed ngl)

Then in about 2012 (20-21 y/old)  at this point for some reason I got it in my head to try online dating? i found a website/app that seemed pretty friendly. I met a guy we start talking we’re getting along pretty well he seems nice. It’s nearing the time there’s a con, there’s a vague idea ‘hey if i go we can meet up in person’, he makes suggestions we should hook up, I’m like ‘Uh I’m not sure’ (I mean we’ve not met in person and so you know it doesn’t seem safe and tbh that was probably the good option anyway) but he seems ok with it we agree to keep talking but that doesn’t happen we can’t get past that awkward hump. I also at that point had gone from ‘further education college’ to ‘unemployed and on benefits’ it was in all not a great point, we don’t talk again It’s not just the awkward conversation but also the mental state I was in.

Then i remember starting to think, starting to sit down. I’d kinda come across the term Ace in a community I was in that wasn’t tumblr but didn’t think much of it other than ‘ok that’s a thing’ but yes tumblr educated me a heck of a lot about stuff ok. I started thinking

Wait why do i think I’m straight? I have no evidence for this? wtf? WHAT IS GOING ON OVER HERE PLEASE SEND HELP

I mean that stuff above all reasons why maybe I was but just very sheltered and lacking a social network as it were (as in a network of people) to go out and hey go and find mr dream man?  I’m just a late bloomer, it’s not the right time, I’m not looking for a relationship right now

But then it was like ‘wait i’ve never crushed on anyone i think? not really?’ ‘Not really on any celebs or people I’ve known or seen?’ and yeah it threw me for a loop a bit. 

Then yes it started clicking I didn’t really seem to feel anything? About anyone?No matter the gender. I mean other than ‘well aww relationships seem nice? I like reading stuff about them? I like seeing happy couples?’ but me in one? me perusing one? wtf is all that about? 

I could see someone and it’s like ‘oh that’s a nice looking person’ but it’s like ‘ok and what does she do with this information?’ people would talk about I WANT TO SLEEP WITH THIS CELEBRITY/MARRY THEM and I’m like ‘I would like to be friends with them? i would like to meet them they seem a nice person’ 

Over time I got used to sex scenes and talking about sex and I learned more about it. it no longer makes me uncomfortable, I’ll discuss it for characters cause ‘hey it’s sort of an element of character development’ and ‘it can be part of a couple’s dynamic’ like ‘Well sex happens’  and well sometimes it can be funny or sweet to come up with scenarios that happen between two characters and so forth. 

I enjoy reading and writing relationships, i enjoy seeing strong couples, i enjoy shipping them together and so forth. I think that stuff is good. Please give me all the media with good relationships, let me embrace the diversity and so forth.

This process of ‘unpacking’ probably took two years and then for for 2 years? I think I’ve been like ‘Ok I’m like 99.8% sure I am ace in some form?’ the little bit is to cover ‘i might be something else and don’t know it yet’ 

I doubt it quite often though that little ‘Maybe I’m a bit screwed up?’ ‘Maybe I’m just too sheltered/too much of a hermit to meet people’ and so on. it’s tiring being under the Questioning Q at times.

But that’s it, it’s just like ‘Nothing there’, it is like that scene from Bojack Horseman with Todd for me. I understand what makes someone ‘sexy’ apparently according to mainstream standards, I can identify an attractive person, I know what love is, I know what relationships are, i know what sex is and so forth but it’s all theoretical? 

It’s like.. how a bird flies I may be able to learn everything about it and then tell you how a bird flies  but I don’t have wings I can’t actually experience what it is to fly with a pair of wings. I just know about it but I don’t seem to feel it. There’s a disconnect of some sort between it and myself like ‘the info is there but what do i do with it?’ fish and a bicycle.

I’m not scared of relationships or commitment, i’m not scared of intimacy and sex i think, I kind of want intimacy (I’m kinda lonely at times in all honestly)  it’s not like I want to run away from it as such. I do think I kind of maybe want a romantic relationship at least once but as to with who I am not sure. But in a sense the thought of entering dating seems a bit of a mindfield considering I can’t even answer ‘Who do you like?’ at this point. And well i’m pretty sure ‘mainstream dating’ is not the place for me, it’s a scary place. 

As far as I can tell I’m not ill, everything works as it should do. Nothing physically/chemically wrong with me. 

I’ve generally been ‘ok’, but then at the same time i’m not really out. I mean to ‘real life’ people I know. People I think just assume I’m chronically single or something. I’ve had a few conversations with people where I’ve just wanted to yell I AM ACE I DO NOT KNOW LEAVE ME ALONG OK PLS THANK YOU

I can’t say if I’m an ‘aroace’ I’m not sure, i don’t think I’m aro but then I can’t really say if I particularly experience romantic attraction to people either I’m still muddling this out over here and have no idea in what direction that’s going to go if any. 

I guess end of this, I am going to be 25 in a couple of days, and well. I’m like 99.8% I am asexual in some form.  

I am ace. 

[euforio2017-blog]

A Look Behind the Curtains: 10 Things we Learned While Creating a Startup

We’ve been working on Euforio Music for just over a year now, and although we aren’t a bonafide success just yet (we’re getting there don’t worry), we’ve learned a lot of keys for being a successful entrepreneur, so we figured we’d share.

This blog is going to be a little different from others you may have read because we’re going to be sharing actual concrete steps and Pro-Tips for each section. We’ll also be mentioning some advice from mentors we’ve met through the Founders Institute, so enjoy, and check out our website at https://eufor.io.

1. Understand What it Means to be an Entrepreneur

So you decided you want to work for yourself and create your own company. You want to live that Facebook/Snapchat/Instagram dream of hitting 1 Billion dollars overnight. You’ll be driving around in your Ferrari in a year, so why are you even reading this blog post? Well you’re wrong. So wrong. Like more wrong than people who eat the pizza crust first, or when Donald Trump said he was the winningest president in history. Being an entrepreneur is really really hard, and companies like Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram who hit that multi-billion dollar valuation are 1 in a trillion. You know how they say “needle in a haystack”? Well try a very very very tiny needle in a Mount Everest of hay.

You’re going to be working at night, during the day and on weekends - you’ll have to cut down on time you spend with your friends or on your hobbies and you won’t get anything from it for a very long time. You’ll need to have your life partners support as well. If they don’t understand that you’re going to be spending more time with this new mistress, you’ll crash and burn very fast. It’s a struggle and you need to be ready for it - don’t expect less.

2. Test Your Market

Ok now you’re ready to be an entrepreneur and you have an idea. You think ‘This is the greatest idea of all time, I’m going to retire off this idea in 5 years and play golf for the rest of my life’. First things first, you need to be sure this is a real idea. Make sure that people will actually pay you for your service. Sometimes people will tell you how great the idea is to your face and then not drop the cash when the time comes. People don’t like to be mean in general, so if you bring someone an idea, they may say ‘Oh my god, that’s such a good idea I can totally see it being successful - let me know how it goes’. But if you say ‘Hey here’s this idea, will you pay me 10 dollars for it right now’, well then people might not be so excited about your idea after all. So be sure to be really honest with yourself, ask people you don’t know and people you do know and dig really deep. Even go as far as getting them to sign Letters Of Intent (LOI) if your product is a B2B offering. An LOI isn’t very strict but it will give you a great idea of whether or not the market wants your product. 

Pro-Tip - Setup a Facebook page or a Kickstarter for your product and use that to gauge how much interest you may have in your idea - you can spend under 50 dollars on Facebook/Instagram ads to test out an idea fairly accurately.

3. Knock On All The Doors

To go along with testing your market, you need to make sure you knock on every door. Now I know what you’re going to say, it’s weird and uncomfortable to just go to random people and talk to them about your company. What if they don’t like you, or your company, or they don’t want to talk to you, or they’re selfish. Well you just have to suck it up, unless you’re Kim Kardashian and already have all the contacts and audience in the world. No one knows about you or your product so you have to get it out there. Get good at being rejected (I was a nerd in school, so I was already really good with rejection). Remember when I said being an entrepreneur is hard, well here you go; this is the first test of whether or not you can weather the storm. If you can’t handle knocking on random people’s doors, maybe being an entrepreneur is not the best option for you.

Keep in mind, when I say knock on all doors, it includes cold calling potential clients and advisors, cold emailing people, asking all the people you know for contacts and emailing them too. This is where the grind starts, and make sure you record everything. Keep track of all your contacts and notes from all these meetings. Use tools like Google Drive or CamCard to keep track of things. 

Pro-Tip - Everyone loves to give their advice because people are inherently selfish and vain, so make sure you always ask for people’s advice instead of handouts.

4. Set Up a Landing Page

Ok now you have an idea, you’ve tested the market, and you’ve gotten some really positive feedback. It’s time to start getting hype for your idea. The easiest way to do that is to set up a landing page. Euforio’s running a music summit and we made a landing page for it, that you can see below. It’s really simple and the only thing we have on it is a description of what we’re doing and a field where the user can put their email to be added onto our mailing list.

Something like this is super easy to do, you can use a service like SquareSpace, Wix or Landingi - there’s thousands of them if you google ‘landing space generator’. We got this advice from one of our mentors, Lee Silverstone. To get the mailing form, we used MailChimp , which has a free tier for small startups. They have tons of great features like embeddable forms, a mobile app so you can carry around your subscription form with you and really great analytics. In fact when we went to a conference recently, we had an iPad with a form loaded on our MailChimp app that directly connected to our mailing list.

This kind of landing page can also help you test different website names and concepts - you can set up a couple of landing pages and test which ones get more traffic.

Pro-Tip - Set up Google Analytics on your landing page to track traffic, clicks and flow of users on your landing page. Google Analytics is super easy and quick to set up and is really powerful.

5. Nail Your Product Name

Your product’s name is one of the most difficult things to nail for a startup. It has to be simple enough that people will understand it, and unique enough that people will remember. One of our mentors, Dennis Van Staalduinen, mentioned that there are 2 different kinds of names - descriptive and unique, if you can nail both factors you have a winner for sure. Examples of extremely unique names are Google, Zynga, Hulu, and Twitter. These companies have ridiculous sounding names, that mean absolutely nothing but stick in your head. Now these companies are super successful so their names are verbs. These names are great for social media platforms, entertainment platforms, or any other product that’s meant to portray a ‘fun, cool attitude’. Then there are really descriptive names like ‘The Canadian Encyclopedia’ which is a Canadian Encyclopedia. See how that worked out? These kinds of names are really great for companies that want to portray a super serious and businesslike image. However, if you’re trying to create a social app, calling it ‘JonnysSocialMediaApp’ is probably not the best idea.

Now one of the most annoying parts of picking a name is picking a domain - that’s because there are companies whose entire business model is buying up empty domains and then selling them for a lot more later. Which sucks, it really really sucks - we spent 8 hours in a room trying to find a name before we came up with Euforio Music. We had a few names that we really loved but the domain searches killed us. 

Pro-Tip - Use a random url generator like BustAName to come up with your domain name. Sometimes these websites will even check with the hosting provider if that name has been taken - reducing a step for you.

6. Scope, Scope, Scope

Great, now we have an idea, a name, and a landing page to start creating hype, you’re almost there right? NOPE. Now you need to launch your product, but you have all these amazing ideas in your head. You have features upon features that you know your customers want. You may think you have to finish all of those features before your customers see your website, but you don’t, and you shouldn’t. At this point, scope is really important. You need to outline different phases of your launch; you should start with an MVP (Minimum Viable Product). An MVP is a set of the core offerings of your product, without which you cannot ship. You need to be really critical and cynical in deciding your MVP. After your MVP, you need to create a roadmap of features and how you want to role them out by priority. Splitting them up into Phases will also help you allocate your resources and time. It also helps you avoid feature creep, which is when features keep creeping into your product before you ship. If you hear yourself saying ‘oh let’s add this feature, and this feature and this feature and then we’ll finally be complete’, take a step back because you may be being affected by feature creep.

A great piece of advice from one of our mentors, Alain Goubau, was to make sure you don’t spend a lot of time and resources developing features that other people have already done. For example, we wanted a feature on our website that allowed visitors to message us directly if they had questions. It would have taken forever for us to develop, so instead we used a company called Drift which let us embed that feature in our website in about 5 minutes. If your website is selling products, don’t spend time creating a marketplace - use Shopify. The list goes on and on but my point stands - your full product is not each individual feature, it’s the sum of all the parts. 

Pro-Tip - Instead of waiting for your entire product to be finished, ship an MVP and then keep your contacts updated with your progress on a consistent basis.

7. Have a Slick Pitch and Know it Blindfolded

Now you need a pitch and a deck. This is going to be the first visual point of contact for a lot of investors or contacts into your company so make sure it looks good. If you have a design focused person on your team that’s perfect, if not buy a designer friend of yours dinner or better yet a couple of beers and ask them to do it for you (nicely). You should not give up equity for something like this - worst comes to worst just use Fiverr. In general the formula we like to follow for a pitch deck is: Create urgency - Problem - your solution (with a story) - why your solution is awesome - how you’re going to make money. This is a general guideline, but you also want to include things like a go-to-market strategy, any beta you’ve launched and any stats you may have. You’ll also want to have appendix slides that you can bring up if someone asks you about your revenue projections or more details about a part of your company.

You’re going to need to know your pitch inside and out, forwards and backwards. Doing it in front of a mirror isn’t enough. Do it in front of your friends, your family, people you don’t know. I like to do it in front of my girlfriend and get her to try and distract me because she knows me best. Do it over and over again until you know the whole thing but be careful - you don’t want to be robotic. Almost every mentor we’ve talked to has told us that people like to see authenticity; I like to remember the major points in my pitch and speak fluidly through that. Being able to do that takes practice, but if you do your pitch enough times anyone can get there. 

Pro-Tip - Print out your deck (with slide numbers). Powerpoint and pdfs have the feature that allows you to type in a slide number and hit enter while in presentation mode and it will jump straight to that slide. It makes you look super slick when you don’t have to click forward and backwards a bunch of times.

8. Don’t Take an Advisor Too Early

People get stuck in this trap a lot with startups. You have a product, it’s on the market or about to be shipped, and a friend of yours knows a guy who knows a guy who would be just perfect on your team of advisors. Whoever this person is will probably want a cut of your company and will often come to you with a grand list of things they can do for you. They will know the Queen of England and Beyonce and the President of the United States and they will absolutely for sure get you in a meeting with them for 25% of your company - and you’re so pumped you may scream. For the love of god don’t fall for it, don’t give away equity unless you absolutely without a doubt have to. When you give up equity to someone, that’s stock you can’t give to someone else who may actually provide you value. 

You should do absolutely everything you can do in house, don’t spend money (unless you have capital) and don’t give away equity for no reason. If you’re going to take on an advisor they better be giving you money immediately or something concrete that you can measure - vest your shares depending on those metrics. A lot of the advice in this section came from one of our mentors, Jeff Bennett, who also emphasized that an advisor isn’t just a bag of cash - they’re a human being. Make sure that they fit in with your team and your vision for the company - they should provide value outside of just money.

Pro-Tip - Before taking on an advisor DO YOUR RESEARCH. Talk to people that have worked with this person in the past and make sure they are the real deal.

9. Become an SEO and Social Media Wizard

SEO (Search Engine Optimization) is one of the most powerful tools a startup can employ. A good SEO strategy will give you better exposure on search engines like Google. There are concrete things you can do to make sure your company shows up higher on Google’s results. One of our mentors, Shawna Tregunna, showed us this list of concrete, super powerful steps you can follow to improve your SEO - it’s a godsend.

Now we all know social media is king in today’s industry - people spend inordinate amounts of money on social media strategies but it's incredibly easy to get lost in a world of buzzwords and not actually accomplish anything. We aren’t social media masters yet (we’re working on it) but we did find and start using a bunch of tools that are helping us get there. Hootsuite is a really useful website that lets you monitor and schedule your social media posts on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. You can use it to schedule posts at the best time based on which platform you're using, and track the success (or failure) of your post. Crowdfire is another great platform which specializes in driving traffic and followers to your social media applications. There are a lot of similar platforms out there right now, but the point is get good at social media. 

Pro-Tip - Find your competitor on Instagram, and start following all the people that follow them. A lot of these people will follow you back - we increased our followers 167% overnight using this technique.

10. Equity is Not King

There’s this preconception that when you raise money, you have to give up equity. We thought the same thing until we met Colin Wrynn, who's a partner at Labarge-Weinstein. Turns out there are a ton of options for investors when you raise funds. We’ve outlined some important ones below in some simple language:

Equity Someone gives you money, you give them a part of your company. The more you need the money, the more of your company you’re going to have to give up. Angels are people who invest with their own money, so they will give you less money, but take a smaller percent. VCs are heartless machines who represent a bunch of people or companies - they will shell out a lot of money and take a massive chunk of your company.

Convertible Note Someone gives you money as a ‘loan’. Your company becomes successful, and is worth some money. The person holding the note can say ‘I want to turn my loan into x% equity instead’. This is super popular amongst angels who invest in early companies.

SAFE Note Same as a Convertible Note except the SAFE isn’t a debt. Because the money invested in a startup via a safe is not a loan, it will not accrue interest. This is particularly beneficial for startups, but also better embodies the intention of investors, who never meant to be lenders in the first place.  A SAFE note was first used by YCombinator and you can read more about them here - https://www.ycombinator.com/documents/

Loans A bank gives you money, you have to pay them back before a certain date. Each month the amount of money accrues interest, so you end up owing more money than you originally got. Most people frown on loans for startups because you have to put something up for collateral amongst other things. In one of our Founders Institute sessions, Nazim Ahmed from CanvasPop said, ‘Build the raft before you jump off the yacht’ - we agree wholeheartedly, so be careful with loans.

Conclusion

So there you have it, 10 things we learned while creating a startup. This was just what we learned at the beginning of our journey, we have a long way to go and so much still to learn. Running a startup is not easy, you need to be aware of the grind and how much fluctuation you’re going to face. Sometimes it feels like you take one step forward and five steps backwards, but just remember it’s not the destination that’s important it’s the journey. We hope you learned something, leave a note below to let us know what you think and keep on swimming!

[hjertetssunnegalskap1]

Skam fics that I like

There are so many good fics in this fandom, I am overwhelmed. That`s why I want to make this list over fics that I like.  I know that many has done this before me, but I just need this overview. This list is not complete, I have guaranteed forgot some fics I have read and liked. But if you find some you haven`t checked out, take a look! Enjoy.

Edit: It was late when I posted this, and I forgot some things and some links... I`ve tried to fix it!

ONESHOTS

Når Du Smiler by XioNin

“Wrote this quick one-shot in celebration of our lovely lads winning the E Online poll”. 

Sideways and Slantways by iriswests

Isak gets stuck in an elevator with the one person he's vowed never to speak to again. This eventually prompts a conversation long overdue, but not without the memories flooding his brain like a broken dam first.

come alive in the fall time by withoutwords

If I could just pull myself in two, he thought, if I could just put you inside.  He doesn’t think that’s the stuff Isak’s ready to hear.

you're beside me, breathing (so loud) by strangetowns

There is something about the summer, warm and bright and slow as it is, that makes Isak want to spread himself out, to close his eyes and let time wash over him like the tide.

hey little firecracker, baby, tell me where you've been by gravinnen

Isak's been so focused on Even's birthday, he's kind of forgotten Valentine's Day is a thing that exists.

Sincerely Yours by Joana789

Sometimes, Even’s mind feels like a mess, and it seems like no one in the world can sort it out, especially not Even himself. But there are no rules, with Isak.

yellow curtains by daggertattoos

The first thing Isak notices when he wakes up are the curtains. They're yellow.  Or the one where isak wakes up in a parallel universe where the curtains are yellow and everything is good in the world.

There's a light burning bright

Isak's eyes holds all of the secret to the universe, Even thinks. Always open and trusting Even to never let him down. So he tries not to. Because letting Isak down is like letting the earth shatter around him.

The Moments In Between by allyasavedtheday

It could be minutes or hours later when they finally let go of each other, though they don’t move very far. Isak slips his hand into Even’s and presses their foreheads together once again. ... A look at the moments between O Helga Natt and Passe på meg.

A Soundtrack to a Life by rumpelsnorcack

Films, Even thought, were easy. They did what you told them, and if you didn’t like something you could tweak it. Change it. Control it. The one thing Even didn’t pay much attention to, though, was the soundtrack. It never seemed important, not having had much of an impact on the movies he’d started avidly watching. But that all changed the day he watched Romeo + Juliet for the first time.

   Quidditch and liquorice wand kisses by Bellakitse

The first time Isak Valtersen meets Even Bech Næsheim the seven-year Ravenclaw chaser, it’s because the boy saves him from a bludger to the face.

A Hogwarts AU

FINISHED WORKS

Making shades of purple by rumpelsnorcack

His whole life, Isak had known his soulmark was different to those around him. Well, that was a lie; it hadn’t been his whole life. But it had definitely been something he was aware of for as long as he was aware that soulmarks and soulmates existed.

Untold scenes of Isak and his Even by imissedyourskin

This fic is a collection of untold scenes that were hinted at, but never got turned into an actual scene.

Get Rid of Her by cuteandtwisted

Even still transfers to Nissen in his third year, but Isak and Even get introduced through their parents. FriendsToLovers AU in which Isak calls Even 'bro' a couple of times and is forced to watch old-ish movies with him in hipster movie theaters.

I'm Not in Love by cuteandtwisted

Even never transferred to Nissen in his third year, so they meet in college instead. Uni AU in which Isak doesn’t believe in love but Even Bech Næsheim won’t stop kissing him

  That's Not My Name by cuteandtwisted

Isak is an exchange student in new york city where he meets a very forward and bewitching Even. Or: The one-night stand AU some of you asked for.

I`m not a baby, by Cuteandtwisted

Isak and Even are childhood friends. OR, the ChildhoodFriends!AU some of you asked for.

Scene Three, Take Two by folerdetdufoler

Isak is 23, a student in the veterinary program at NMBU, and working an internship at a clinic in Kongsvinger. He hasn't seen Even in three years, but randomly bumps into him on the street when he's visiting his mom in Oslo. 

Wrong number by IsakEven

Isak wants to text Jonas but he accidentally texts Even.

would it be a sin if i can't help falling in love with you? by cosetties

“I mean, I already have a thing with – “ Isak waves his hand in the air. Conjuring up a girl should be way easier than this. Magnus had a girlfriend at Bakka for three months, and Isak doubts that she ever existed. All Isak has to do is make up a name, but his mouth dries up. He clears his throat. “A thing with – “. “Even,” the guy says, extending his hand for Emma to shake. (Or, the fake relationship AU.)

You say good morning when it's midnight by Aceteroid

It sucks, when your best friend is on a student exchange at the other end of the world for three months. It sucks even more, when you fall in love with the step-brother of his exchange student.

possibly (maybe) i’m falling for you by boxesofflowers, Eeyoreneedsahug, safficwriter

Even tries to get Isak to smile with coffee. Every time he buys Isak coffee, he becomes more determined to find the perfect drink (and falls in love along the way).

snow and dirty rain by grinsekaetzchen

Even leans back in his chair. “You know, not everyone joins a book club because they’re blackmailed into it.” [Or: In which Vilde starts a book club because someone else already started kosegruppa, Even is a book nerd, who recites poetry, and Isak struggles to see the point of reading boring books when he could just watch the film versions; except, that he meets Even, so maybe book club isn't that much of a waste of time as he's previously thought.]

UNFINISHED WORKS 

Moments by XioNin

Random moments between Isak and Even, as well as Isak and Even interacting with their friends. 

  A Transference of Feeling by rumpelsnorcack

Isak hated that he was being forced to do this. He hated leaving Nissen because of his stupid parents’ stupid fights and stupid rules. Isak didn’t understand why he had to move just because they couldn’t get their shit together anymore; this felt like more punishment on top of having been left alone with his mother and all her weird moods and difficult behaviours. Aka, the au where Isak transferred schools rather than Even.

 it comes in waves by moonlitbird

Isak doesn't know how he ended up in Galalogfjord. Even knows exactly how he ended up in the tiny fishing town. In the end, it doesn't really matter either way. In a town that no one can place on a map, and in waters full of magic and creatures mostly forgotten, a boy and a mermaid meet.

Life is now. (and now, and now) by FlyByNightGirl

In which the clips for season 3 update, because there is so much more of Isak and Even's relationship we haven't seen, so. 

  WAKE UP! by cuteandtwisted

Even has no idea who Isak is but he still loves him aka EvenDreams!AU. 

 in better light, everything changes by TimeInABottle

"I just checked the revue website and blackmailing people for smoking weed wasn’t listed under the Kosegruppa description". Isak accidentally texts a stranger (Even) while trying to text Sana.

Lost Boys (Not Ready To Be Found) by kittpurrson

Even is a disillusioned media studies student who wishes he hadn't screwed up his film school applications. Isak is a prickly bioscience student who figured leaving his mother's house for UiO would magically fix all of his problems. AKA a college AU, wherein Isak and Even meet later than they were destined to. 

 with love, from anonymous by cosetties, iriswests

Isak just wants to get his coffee in peace, Even has a crush, and there's a secret admirer on the loose.

.

love and condoms by kassie

Isak was about turn on his heels and say “Fuck it” and go home, when a tall, slender-looking boy approached him from down the aisle. Shit. ... Or: Isak owes Eskild a favor and Eskild sends him out to buy condoms where he runs into a tall boy who is a little too eager to help him.

[adambstingus]

5 Ways The Modern World Makes Mass Murder Easier

OK, Christ, let’s get one thing clear here: The internet isn’t a bad thing. At no point will the world become a cartoonist’s caricature of some smoldering dumpland surrounding a cow pen of millennials checking their smartphones. I get that no one under the age of 70 wants to hear some hand-flailing diatribe about the dangers of modern conveniences or how video games and Twitter turn supple minds into itty Patrick Batemans (Batemen?). It’s horse poop.

But also horse poop: pretending that society has lurched into a tubular hack-the-planet age without any detrimental consequences. And one correlation that’s always troubled me is the FBI’s report about the rise of spree shootings adjacent to the rise in the web’s popularity. While it would be horribly irresponsible to use that data alone to point fingers at the world’s favorite new cat and porn depository, there’s certainly enough circumstantial evidence to at least support suspicious squints toward your cable router. For example …

5

The Internet Attracts Depressed, Emotionless People (According To Science)

Like I just got done saying, the internet isn’t turning people into psychopaths, just as video games and movies aren’t. But to quote the great modern mind Skeet Ulrich: “Movies don’t create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative.” In other words, troubled people can draw inspiration and solace from anywhere, and science has found that one common place to hide has been the internet.

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If a person tends to be introverted, or isolated, or generally uncomfortable dealing with other people (like I’m sure a lot of you reading this are), then the internet is a great place to find peace. There’s nothing wrong with that. But it also means that the more rejected from the world a person feels, the easier it it for them to live their life solely through a computer screen. And while we’ve only just begun to study the effects of this, what little results we have seem to indicate that excessive online use tends to go hand in hand with addiction, depression, impulsiveness, and anxiety. Getting more specific, things like online forums and file sharing tend to attract those with depressive personalities. In other words, you don’t have to be an isolated, depressed loner to enjoy 4chan and Reddit … but it helps.

And going back to the fact that these websites absolutely don’t turn you into a sociopath, they are fan-fucking-tastic if you’re already one of those to begin with. Forums and Twitter are great ways to pass the time if you have no empathy, considering how impersonal they can be. And you know who tends to fit into that? Teenagers. Specifically, teenage boys.

“Cognitive empathy” — aka the ability to relate to other people’s perspectives — is not something that develops right away in people. For girls, it happens around the age of 13, but for boys it tends to start a bit later … right around the time they become parentally untethered online. And while I’m totally speculating, it makes way more sense to me that the reason so many spree killers are young men isn’t that men are inherently terrible crime monsters, but that they are biologically more susceptible to violent actions in an age in which you can escape into a faceless digital world. After all, I remember being that age when the internet first became a thing (I’m fucking old, you guys), and can personally attest to the hours I spent on sites like rotten.com and Limewire seeing just how much my adolescent brain could take. That doesn’t mean I’m a psychopath, right? Right, guys? We wouldn’t want that.

And since my early days, it’s gotten easier to find not only just about any corner of darkness you want, but also a whole digital community lurking there with you …

4

Online Communities Make Unhealthy Interests Seem Normal

Hey, let’s say I’m really into pictures of cars having sex with dragons. Hypothetically, of course. Let’s say it really gets my hammer slamming to see a Toyota Matrix squat behind some nubile hydra and give it the full business. Twenty years ago, that’s something I would have to keep to myself, quietly understanding that it’s kind of messed up I would be into such things. Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to hope I wouldn’t be ashamed of my vehicular fetish, but it’s certainly nothing I could build a whole lifestyle around. With luck, one day I might meet a woman who shared my dark secret, and together we could dress up like Herbie and Draco and go buck wild on each other. Just a honking good time.

But today, I don’t have to worry about any of that. There’s already a Reddit community of over 3,000 people who share my interest:

I know, I know, it’s a joke subreddit. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The point I’m trying to make here is this: One of the strengths of the internet is that it unites people from all over the country and world … which at times is also one of the worst things about it as well. Because along with political advocates, LGBT groups, nerd communities, people who drink beer in the shower while naked (hey, NSFW), and any other innocuous lifestyles like cosplayers and furries, we’re also seeing the garbage unions of Nazis, child predators, animal abusers, weird-shaped egg enthusiasts, and a fucking 2,000-strong group devoted to Taylor Swift’s armpits:

Reddit Which somehow forced the dragon-fucking out of top spot on the “weirdest fetish in this article” list.

This is something we’ve talked about before with online MRA groups. In the same way that a cult isolates and bubbles people into a false interpretation of reality, some online groups find the equally susceptible and gather them under one obsessive interest. And to keep repeating, it’s not that the internet is making them this way, but rather that it’s creating a nurturing place where those beliefs can be not only unchallenged but supported. Someone like an anti-vaxxer or Sandy Hook truther would be booed out of an everyday conversation, but online, they are not alone. Online, they have a community to assure them that what they are doing isn’t bat-dong wacky-sacks.

And then it’s only a matter of time before that person grows to believe that the rest of the world is the problem. Their awkwardness, isolation, and social anxiety is suddenly a justified reaction to a backwards society. It’s only a matter of time before they proudly lash out against the non-digital world, and what was once a quiet hobby becomes some dude fucking a neighbor’s Tegu dressed like a Transformer. Or, you know, a man shooting up Planned Parenthood after enveloping himself in anti-abortion YouTube videos edited to falsely assert that the organization sells baby parts.

And I know that it seems super weird to lump violence with joke subreddits about celebrity arm fetishes, but there’s a deliberate reason I’m doing this …

3

For Every Stupid Offensive “Joke,” There’s Someone Out There Taking It Seriously

Lemme tell you about being a young punk in the very liberal state of Massachusetts, which is what I once was. In order to rebel in a place like that, the goal was to be as offensive and politically incorrect as possible. And so derogatory bands like GG Allin, GWAR, and something terrible called “Anal Cunt” were often blasted with a smirk from my shitty car. It wasn’t necessarily that I believed the screeching lyrics, but rather that I enjoyed the immature shock value of it all. And while a lot of these bands were also simply in it for smirks, there comes a time when you realize that not everyone is interpreting them ironically. At some point, you find yourself moshing to a live performance of “Hitler Was A Sensitive Man,” only to notice that the dude next to you has a swastika tattooed on his chest. That isn’t to say I don’t still listen to bands like GG Allin, but rather that I do so quietly and in more personal, adult situations — like in the shower, or doing my taxes.

And as we sort of touched on before, this shock value is likely what a lot of 4channers and younger right-wingers think they are creating:

See, the joke was this: Pretend that certain symbols like the “OK” hand sign are Nazi salutes to freak out the media into thinking it’s real. Only guess what? “Pretending” something is a Nazi salute is ultimately the same goddamn thing as using an actual Nazi salute. And the more you do it, the more you end up attracting actual Nazis. Being “ironically” racist is just being racist, especially if you’re not building to any punchline beyond “Look how racist we’re being!”

And what comes next isn’t pretty. Ever hear of Alt-Reich Nation? It was a Facebook group all about “jokingly” posting racist and sexist memes. I say “jokingly” because its creator came out and clarified just that — as he put it to The New York Times, “Nothing is meant as true; we follow none of the beliefs.” And if you’re wondering why he had to make that public correction, it’s because one of their members recently stabbed and killed someone in what appeared to be a hate crime. But I’m sure he was just doing it for the lulz.

2

No One Can Tell You’re Being Radicalized If It’s Happening Online

Going back to my own edgy punkness (and frankly the reason this whole subject feels personal to me), I got into that genre and style because I spent my junior high years feeling like a complete outcast. And not the cool kind spelled with a ‘K.’ I gravitated toward something that turned my depression into energy, something that boosted my self-worth and made me feel part of a community.

So I can’t really say it’s a bad thing if young people are doing the same with the internet. However, what makes it vastly different is that before computers, taking part in a community meant being seen doing it. There was a level of accountability toward your family and friends. That goes for the unhealthy hate groups as well. It used to be that racist and violent groups congregated in a very visual way, and anyone joining would have to physically do so by attending rallies or shows or meetings. For communities and law enforcement and parents and peers, if someone became a white supremacist, that transition would come with a lot of huge red flags (ya know, like the swastika one). But now? Not so much.

A guy like Dylann Roof, who shot up the church in Charleston, certainly posed with his fair share of Confederate Flags and guns, but so do a lot of people. His indoctrination into violence and white supremacy happened quietly online, as it does for most everyone who joins some kind of hate group these days. It can be so goddamn under the table that a respectable member of society can not only be a part of a hate group, but fucking create one:

And what’s worse is that this problem is especially evident with law enforcement. That Mr. Roof? He had run into the cops multiple times in the past, even being questioned by the police for owning parts to a firearm. But since there was nothing physical linking him to any potential violence, there was no reason to keep an eye on him. Same with the Orlando nightclub shooter, whose neighbor flat-out reported him to the FBI for potential radicalization. They thoroughly investigated it and found no hard evidence, despite it being completely true. How did they miss it? Because it was happening online, while he was alone, with nobody noticing what was happening. He was radicalized into committing mass murder without leaving the comfort of his ergonomic office chair and microwave nachos. And while that certainly speaks volumes about the delightful convenience of the digital age, I’d like to hope you’re seeing what the big problem is here. Especially because these two instances aren’t the only ones by a long shot …

1

Every Goddamn Modern Spree Killer Fits This Pattern

Guys. Literally every time some asshole suddenly kills a bunch of people with an ideological motivation, we find out that they belonged to some kind of online community spouting their exact motivations. Dylann Roof described in detail his long nights pouring through racist stories on the Council of Conservative Citizens webpage which eventually led him to be radicalized. The Oregon community college shooter from 2015? He declared his intentions on a 4chan thread he frequented (adjoined with a Pepe meme). The Dallas shooter who targeted cops? Yet again, he was a part of online hate groups and posted about the killings online. Remember Elliot Rodger, who went around targeting women in Isla Vista, California, killing seven? Not only did he post YouTube videos leading up to it, but he was also a member of anti-women forums online.

I can keep going. You probably don’t even remember the guy back in 2007 who shot up a megachurch in Colorado, killing four. He was a member of an anti-Christian site the feds were alerted to hours after the incident. And just recently, there was the unhinged and racist Portland train attacker, who was deemed too intense for a right-wing rally and kept to the internet instead.

Look, I really can’t stress this enough: Nowhere am I saying that the internet is changing sane people into racist lunatics. Nor am I trying to ignore the millions of other factors, like mental health care and gun control, which play into the uptick of spree killings. And to be honest, I can’t even offer a definitive solution beyond personal responsibility and attention toward people around you who may be troubled. But maybe it would be a good start to at least keep a compassionate eye on your friends and family, and be there to let them know that the non-meme world is pretty cool, too. Otherwise this will just continue, and not even our sexy lizards will be safe.

Ironically, follow Dave on his Twitter, where he spends a lot of his time.

Also check out We Asked A Mass Shooter Why The Hell This Keeps Happening and I Hunt Serial Killers: 6 Facts You Thought Movies Made Up.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out How Gun Control Made Australia Safer Than America, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-ways-the-modern-world-makes-mass-murder-easier/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172012394162

[apocatolypsemeow-blog]

If you are a government agency or if you are future me or some random follower who likes reading my self depreciating, self pitting and frankly obtuse journal: prepare for this long post! ;)

Back to freshman year!

Freshman year of college was a very strange time. I didn’t know anything, like anything at all! And yet, the people I met there at that time are very vivid in my memory. It really set the pace for the rest of my college career. You know, people say that college is a time to reinvent yourself, I say that’s bullshit. If you try to reinvent yourself in college you will end up lying to yourself the whole time, because you can’t fabricate a personality based off of your own likeness. You’re going to remain that same throughout your whole lie, just with different opinions and circumstances. You become a more logical person, but definitely not a different person. You become more logically sound in who you are. You say “I’m this person, and based off of my own experiences up to this point I can only assume that doing whatever I would do in this circumstance would be the best course of action.” And I know what you’re thinking, you can’t say that in every situation. Sometimes you do things for the sake of other people, regardless of what you would do in that circumstance. Well I would say to that: there is no selfless acts. You can’t do anything in this life without it being inherently selfish. You can’t say that in tthis situation I will do this soley for this other person, because that is still doing it for yourself. You’re just justifying that it is a selfless act in order to feel like you’re doing selfless acts. That’s why you do things: in order to get some sort of response and reaction or anything really from it. I need to learn more about selflessness, in order to be more logical and not sound like a crazy person. So tbc.

I wonder what would happen to me if I became improsed… what would I do? What would I have done to get me up to that point? How would everybody react? I think… my life would be over. I mean I don’t think there would be any real reason for me to live…. Everybody consider me an idiot. I don’t want to tthink about this anymore, it’s giving me a headache.

I didn’t date in my freshman year. Not because of choice, but just because I had several unsucccefull attempts at it. How the hell was I supposed to get a girlfriend anyways? I was, and still kind of am, a puny nerdy guy with no common sense. Now im still a puny guy with a little bit of common sense. Regardless, I was going to the wrong school at the wrong time for me to get girls. SFA is a school that is salivated in masculinity. I mean, even the girls licked it up. They saaat on the faces of gender roles and boned all of the masculine dudes. If I was a cool, masculine, strong dude, sfa would be a hivemind for me of stds and condom expenses.

I don’t feel like myself lately… have been ujnmotivated. Correction, have been unmotivated to motivate myself. That’s the way it usually works. Even just now, I picked up a book and decided it wasn’t working for me. Nothing sparked. I think that’s my problem. I wait along for something to spark my interest, pursue it with great intentions, and fall through half way in. I get bored too easily on my personal projects…. Well, at least for stuff that catches only half of my attention. Sometimes something grabs me to the fullest, like Dharma Bums. I could read that again in one sitting. Maybe I will. Maybe I will…

It's been a while since I talked. It stings me to write these words. I got an email today from financial aid lona service . They told me they are there to help. I started to cry.

For some reason writing is starting to hurt, and it’s starting to take over my life. Not that I had a life to be taken over… Why do I do this to myself? Whenever I start writing I always want to start writing something truthful and that makes me want to cry. It’s as if I have all these feelings that need to come out… Maybe this break from writing has really gotten me stopped up. I mean, I think maybe I need my daily medicinal writing. Don’t you think? I mean, today was something else, it was a rollercoaster of emotions, and even though I have cleaned my self out there is still some residue. I don’t know, im just typing words at this point. It feels good to type. It feel natural. I remember in higihschool I took a keyboarding class. What a fucking waste of time, and at the same time it was one  of the most important classes I’ve ever taken. On one hand, it was the first period of my first day ever in highschool, so it was pretty weird. I… I… I’m think of it now. I remember I was one of the few freshmen in the class, the rest were goofballs and clowns. People that were serious about school didn’t take that class, but at the same time it gave me skills and rescources that ive just gotten better at through the years. I mean, I remember I went into that class not knowing how to type at all. But all it took was my teacher, I think her name is Ms. Waslayena. Or at least that’s how you pronounce it, all it took was for her to put boxers on my hands. It forced me not to look at my fingers when I type. I saw my progression right in front of me. I mean, I guess that was the point of the class, to see yourself get better throughout the class. But then again, it didn’t’ really count as a credit. It should be counted as a humanities or philosophy class. God I am such a weird nerd. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep on criticizing myself? I keep on freaken, idk. It’s like I can’t even take myself seriously why would anybody take me seriously? I think that actor lady found me attractive. I can’t tell. Maybe. That shoulder touch. Future me, if you are so bored and are reading this terribly, just awfully, written paragraph, one, you need to go to bed. And two, you need to realize that I am talking about my first ever screenwriting meetup. Look at me, writing in my little blog like a little fourth grader. You might as well role the closing credits. Maybe it’s because I can’t stay focused. Maybe it’s because I am fucked up all the time. Maybe it’s clouding my vetter judgment. Maybe that’s why stoners can’t do well in life, they are always never finishing. God, what a direction my life has turned.

I remember sitting in my dorm room in my freshman year of college looking at a website about weed. I was fascinated. I don’t remember when I started getting interested in smoking, but for some reason I got really intrigued. I think it was because of the pot brownie. Man, that was marvelous. I will never get that high again. Yeah so one day Dion brings back pot brownies. We eat them, you know it’s the classic story. We eat them, we hang out waiting for them to start activating or whatever, and we get disappointed, thinking that it didn’t’ work. Then all of a sudden I can’t feel my tongue. I ran into my dorm with dion and invite my friend sam over. Sam didn’t’ have any friends then so he starting hanging out with us. God, sam is such an interesting character. I’ll talk aobut him later. But yeah, this pot story is borning me. We didn’t do anything. I mean, we walked around but I don’t know, we were just kids.

I think I start to cry when I write this because it is the most pathetic thing I do. I just feel bad about the whole thing. Maybe it does get random thoughts off my chest, but is it worth it? To log all of this? Nobody will read it… I need to stop second guessing myself and just do it.

I feel like I must be doing something wrong with this job thing because things arnt happening. Why is everything my fault, or at leaset feel like it is?

 8/31/17: My mission statement:

For here on out, I will set aside time to write The Buddy System every single day.

For here on out, I will only drink coffee, water, and beer.

For here on out, whenever I write I will put my phone in another room on silent.

For here on out, I will write for time, not content.

For here on out, I will only write in my free time during the day.

For here on out, I will focus on my writing.

9/6/17

Some days are better than others. Nothing is every how you would expect it to be. Today I started working at the library at Texas Southern. I had such high hopes about it; it’s not terrible. It’s just boring. I had high hopes about today, about how it was going to be a good day, but it ended up being  dissapoiment. Once again, nothing bad happened specifically, and of course I am beign a bit too overdramtic, but I woke up with such good feelings that I expected to carry on through the day, but didn’t. Instead, all I got was insecurity, boredom, disappointment, and hunger. And im cold, sitting at this desk with no food. I wonder if Jordon made any of that chicken. You know, typing this is making my fingers feel a bit better. At least it is killing time. Anyways, maybe I shouldn’t expect good days or bad days, maybe the feelings I feel when I wake up are not premminitions, but just feelings tht don’yt represent anything beyond my own head. Maybe feelings are not important and the oder of nature is just a random set of coincedences that just happen to work out. But how do you control your feelings? Are you supposed to? How do you deal with them? I guess dealing with negative emotions is important, but if you deal with hgetting rid of negative emotions, wouldn’t you also hve to deal with getting positive emotions? What is with this emotional bias towards happiness? I mean, think about it. If you feel happy at any point in time it is going to go away, just like sadness. But we put so much effort into dealing with and removing sadness from our lives that we make being happy the ultimate goal. And then when we become happy, and it leaves us, just like sadness, it all we can think about is that high that happiness gave us. It’s a drug, and I’m willing to let go of it, all of it, in order to not feel the emotional tole that disappointment brings. I guess I am coming from the point of view of someone that ris more disappointed than the alternative. Maybe it boils down to me not having such high expectations out of life. But why should i? My faather has always told me he holds me to a high expectation, but why? What would be the end goal? For me to be a happy person? For him to be? For me to be a man? For him to be? Or maybe it’s all of the above, but that’s risky business because of disappointment. What would the alternative be though? He could just not hold me to a standard? Or maybe hold me to a lesser standard? What would my life be like is my faather held me to a terrible standard? I would probably surpass his expectations. What if he didn’t hold me to a standard? Nothing bad, nor good would happen, it would just be us living in the moment, taking it day by day, taking what is and isn’t and that would be all. Maybe that’s how you are supposed to treat life, with no expectations, with no standard, because once you create a standard, then everything is either going to fall above or below that standard, things are either going to be good or bad, and that is the root of problems. Good vs. Bad.

I wish I could write that more eloquently. I am sure I could. For whomever is reading this right now, you should totally try and rephrase whatever point I just made to something that makes you sound deep. What is my obsession with being “deep”? Is it to compensate for not having anything on the surface? What does that mean? Do I look too far into things, or does my logic of overthinking have some truth. Ah, that’s what it must be. Truth. Truth is a lie within itself, the only things that could be considered objectively true are the things that you can see, calculate and it be transferred through the universe and have a collective agreement on it. And what is that? Nothing in this realm of thinking. I mean I don’t think my consciousness has the ability to comprehend something that is universally true. I mean, I know what you’re thinking, what about numbers? For clarification, number are an agreed upond system of measurement by the human raise, they do not necarelly dictate universally.

 Moment by moment. Breath by breath, humanity hangs on a thin thread, on the verge of melting and combusting. One word, one slip, one loss of breath. And yet, we remain in balance.

9/8/17

I think I want a girlfriend. A cute black girl with natural hair who isn’t obseesed with social status or going out or appearences. I want a girl that is funny, witty, socially conscious, opinionated, smart, eats healthy, SMOKES WEED, has a wide range of music, has a taste in art, fucks all the time, isd non conformist, denies tradiontional gender roles, likes to eat, is cool. Pretty much the perfect person I guess. I know that is a lot to ask for, and a lot of it I have to find within myself, blah blah blah. You know, why is it that I have to follow conventional wisdom? Just because I read all these things about, oh, you’re never going to find the perfect match, you have to be right within yourself before you can find the right person, people aren’t going to love you until you love yourself, blah blah blah. Fuck all that shit. Girlfriends just don’t appear when you’re ready, it’s all just coincidence and circumstance. There is no cosmic order that supplies to girlfirends once they are deemed responsible by the Christian nations in this world. Also, I want a girlfriend that is not Christian. Is that too much to ask?

Somebody stole my bike…. Or at least, that is what I can assume. For some reason I saw this coming. For some reason whenever I would look out onto the balcony I would always expect my bike to not be there. For some reason I wasn’t as shocked as I could be once I found out that my bike was gone… It had to be somebody near me. Somebody who lived near me.

9/11/17

So far in my classes today I have not learned anything. So far it has just been an accumulation of of professor rants and sidebars, and it’s the third week of school and have not started any lectures. Teacher here are jut going to put us in groups and just start lecturing from the book. But let’s not give them that much credit. What is really is going to happen is the kids in the class are going to run the class, continue to distract themselves with cell phones and worldstar, while the professor continues to rant through their perceptions.

 9/17/2017

What am I waiting for? Why can’t I act on the things thata I want to? Is it the drugs? Why do I keep asking myself that question when I know the answer? Why do I keep asking questions??? I wish my brain would just shutup, but the more I silence it the more it wants to speak. I can’t escape myself and I feel the urge to get out but I just cant. I cant. I cant stop saying I cant. My body does one thing and my mind says another. What do I do? Who do I talk to?

Oh here we go. Another self pity induce crying fit about to happen. I’m such a little ibtch. I’m such a pussy. Get over yourself. You see, now I know that wasn’t true because it didn’t make me tear up. Something is wrong with me. That I know of. Something deep inside me is damaged and it needs repairing, and I can’t keep reparing it with drugs and alcohol. Oh shut the fuck up ryan jesus Christ. People are going through a lot worse than you and yet you still find reasons to complain.

You see what this is? This is your dad speaking to you. STOP. Don’t let him get to you. Run from him.

9/25/2017

I can’t stand people, i think that is the conclusion that i have made in my head. I can’t stand women, and i can’t stand men. I can’t stand why they feel the need to do the things that they do. Especially college aged people.. They’re disgusting. Why is it that women feel the need to be cute, to be proper, to be #queens? Don’t they see the fault in that? What are they being cute based off of? Who told them they had to be proper, why can’t they be on the same level as kings? Why do men feel the need to expel there heterosexuality? Why do they feel the need to prove it? To want more, to always be searching for that confirmation that they are a man? I just don’t get it. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like i have all the answers, but i definitely have a lot of questions. I think this was all triggered by looking at the Instagram comments on the articles about the #takeaknee thing. Like, they are literally protesting racism, how can you be against that? Well, people said that it was offensive to the troops. What troops are saying that though? It’s unpatriotic…. Give me a break. Once black people starat doing “unpatriotic” things, then all the people who benefit from America start being patriotic. Plus, why should i give a shit about the troops? I didn’t ask them to fight for me, and what are they fighting for anyways? My freedom? Who is encroaching on my freedom? Am i under a direct threat to my way of life from foreign invaders, or is America spreading values that aren’t mine across the globe? If that is the case, then why should i support that? I seriously do not give a shit about the troops, and i don’t respect the people that do. It’s patriotism without thinking about what patriotism is. I know these are unpopular opinions, but it is interesting that i would be shot dead in the streets if i were to say that. I can’t even post that online without fear of maybe a future employer finding that and not hiring me because i don’t support the troops publicly. I think that people do things because it is the “right” thing to do, but i don’t think that people think about what is the right thing. I think that people just accept their opinions as true and won’t listen to anybody else that inflicts with their morals. And i think that makes them bad people. I think close minded people are bad, and yes, there are things that i am close minded about too, but hey i guess that would make me a bad person then, right?

Yes, it is time for me to start accepting who i truly am. I don’t go outside to meet people. I don’t extend myself farther then would be immedieatly comfortable. I don’t want to. I don’t hide the fact that i am scared to go outside my comfort zone, to break out of my usual space for the sake of some sort of media dreamland destined for picturesque photos and high school musical messages. I don’t think the world works like that, or at least mine. But why not? My mother told me today that i am a direct result of my own thought… is that true? How could it be? It doesn’t make any logical sense.

Figure it out, make it happen, say something else. Don’t get distracted, have faith, see it all through. Fuck all that, sit down, stay inside, fuel your hate. Make sure your house isn’t burned.

There is a small variety of people that attend texas southern university. There is, of course, the outspoken studnets, who, when given a chance, will dominate a classroom and start reinforcing their opinions, pretending they are right. But nobody will challenge their ideas unless they want to be classed a know it all. Or wrong. Or an outcast. At texas southern, you either conform or sit and watch, diversity in thought is an issue.

Then there is the people who just care about social media. I think social media gives black people who don’t speak a voice, a distraction, escapism from the ideas of this university. Education, capitalism, race, they are all permanent figure heads that propel an existential crises to the lost youth. And yet, nobody talks about it, it’s mostly just black social justice, an institution that breaks down more than it builds. The things that it does build are biased and void of deeper thought. Not to be confused with me being agisnt social justice. I just don’t like biased social justice. I guess there is no way to be completely unbiased. But it is time for us to decide that race is a social contruct that matters on an abstract level, but not physical level. I wonder why.

11/03/2017

Today is my birthday, and once again, through y triple sec sticky fingers, I have become morbidly depressed. Not going to lie, I have faught it off all day. I mean to think of all the mental hurdles i went through to try and justify to myself that i wasn’t sad. I felt it all day long… when i opened the fridge i had to remind myself not to let the depression that is in the back of my mind creep to the front. I put on a smile for Jordon, tried to engage in conversation, tried to be lively, tried to be truthful. But today i realized the difference between jrodon and a friend… Jordon doesn’t get personal. Jordon doesn’t want to talk about all of the emotional trauma that my mind goes through, whether justified or not. Jordon goes through that already, i mean everybody does. Only friends try to pry deeper into another individual. Jordon is my roommate, and my brother. Nothin more nothing less. He is there to look after me though…. I think my problem is i treat everybody as either a brother or an enemy, there’s no in between. I wish i was social, i think i used to use socialization in ancogdoches to combat my depression, and it usually worked. But here in Houston i don’t have that rescourse; i don’t have any connecting bonds with anybody else, anybody that i can be honest with an share my true feelings with…. I feel helpess. Depression….. look at me i havnt even been diagnosed with depression and i am acting like i technically have it… what’s wrong with me? Everytime i ask myself that question it is usually after some morally deficient, or self deprication remark that i try to push down inside of me… but i continue on… maybe that’s why i am constantly sad, becaue i have reasoned with myself that i am a good person when really… i am bad

[brido]

Mike and Vicky Go to Ecuador (Day 1)

I didn’t think I’d ever make it to Quito. That might sound like I’m stating the obvious, but if I didn’t go to Quito, that would end my self-important streak of visiting my sister in every city she’s lived in during her tenure in the foreign service. That streak has not only a weirdly competitive source of pride for me over the years, but also a weirdly consistent source of my stand-up material, from bullfights in Lima to ordering pizza in an Irish pub in Montevideo. These trips to see Susan have been a really special and surprising thing for me in my life. I mean, I pretty much had to go to Quito.    

So as my wife and I nervously dropped off our giant seven-month-old Bernese ‘puppy’ at an extended daycare, we headed out of L.A.( just as the Dodgers were hosting the World Series for the first time in 29 years) and we spent a travel day going L.A. to Houston and from Houston to Quito. I was unsure what to expect from a city and a country that was, to an embarrassing degree, a mystery to me. All I really knew was that we wouldn’t have time for the Galapagos, I should be scared shitless of the altitude and we’d be getting up early the next morning to pile into a van with my sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew for a full day of sight seeing curated by the fam. And so that’s what we did. 

Here was Day 1.  

Our first stop was Hacienda La Compania de Jesus in Cayambe. And as we were greeted by women in traditional indigenous Kayambi garb offering bizcochos and blackberry juice, as well as a young tour guide in a faded Jack Skellington t-shirt, I realized I had no idea what the hell was going on.

The Hacienda isn’t mentioned in the Ecuadorian travel book I bought and skimmed before the trip, but for the past 15 years, the Jarrin family has apparently been giving tours of their old estate. That includes a big, hundred-year-old French neoclassic home with all original everything, an old barn that now functions as a showroom and a 300-year-old Jesuit chapel - all of the above ornamented in an amount of cut roses that I’d have to classify as ‘an overflowing fuckload’ of cut roses.

There were hundreds of rose pedals in the fountain out front. You couldn’t go anywhere inside the big old house without seeing at least one giant bouquet of roses. And the aforementioned showroom was where the Hacienda really flexed its rose-having muscles. They weren’t even pretending you were supposed to be impressed with old furniture or other antiques. That was just them going, “We run Rosadex, a massive rose greenhouse/plantation and export roses to about 50 countries. Look at it. It’s an overflowing fuckload of roses!” Fair enough.

On your standard FTD delivery website, you can get a bouquet of two dozen roses with a vase for about $75. In Ecuador, you can buy about a billion roses for a dollar. Really. Because of the direct, year-round sunlight on the equator and the high altitude (about 9600 feet), the roses grow perfectly straight and the setting is basically perfect. So in a pretty short amount time, these Ecuadorian roses have become one of the biggest exports of the entire country (along with oil, bananas and shrimp in case you’re some kind of nerd). They have long stem roses for the Russians, the dyed circus colors for the Chinese and even a deep blue option that I was told is popular at gang funerals in Los Angeles. I’m not kidding. The place is just lousy with the roses.

We saw the greenhouses. We saw the ‘post-harvest room’. The latter was so colorful and impressive that I almost forgot the part when our tour guide told us that the hacienda had been in his wife’s family for five generations -  ever since King Charles III of Spain kicked all the Jesuits out of Spain and its colonies in 1767. I immediately thought, “Wait. What?” And that thought kind of followed me around the rest of the tour. What type of Game of Thrones shit happened with King Charles and the Jesuits in 1767??? But I’d have to get back to that later.

I did manage to Google the Jarrin family later on and noticed that Jaime Jarrin, the Spanish Vin Scully, was born in Cayambe. So I’m thinking he has to be a member of the hacienda family. But before I could ask more questions, the tour was over and I was back in the van with my family headed off to another sight in the Ecuadorian highlands. But what the fuck happened with King Chuck and the Jesuits?   

Next, the van made a brief pitstop at a place called Mira Lago in San Pablo Del Lago, which was a souvenir shop overlooking the Imbabura volcano and (obviously) a lake. Because of Mira Lago’s name similarity to our current president’s favorite West Palm Beach cake restaurant or whatever, I thought standing by the sign with a confused look on my face would make for an amusing photo. But that’s before I saw the view… and the llamas.

Inside the gift shop, a traditional Andean band, which appeared to be a family, played charangos, guitars, seed shakers, a siku panpipe and sang in either Quechua or Aymara. I’m not sure. I don’t speak indigenous Andean. But I did fucking love them. I’ve tried to find them Online and I think their name is Ayllu Pura and they’re like the Incan version of the Staples Singers. This video doesn’t really do them justice, but whatever. It’s there and I think it’s pretty sweet. Anyway, Victoria bought some cool-looking scarves there and we left.    

Our destination lunch was at Hacienda Cusin, also in San Pablo Del Lago. The estate itself is said to date back to 1602. But the hacienda is a restored 19th Century country home that gradually added garden cottages to become a cobblestone-pathed, terra-cotta-lined, magical rustic hotel with a magical rustic ambience. Do you like Spanish tiles? Do you like more antiques? What about ancient trees? And what about more llamas? You do? Well, they got you. And it’s so dope.

All of that said, the actual food at lunch was the least impressive part of the visit. I mean, I didn’t think so at the time. It’s just that my mind would be blown on multiple lunches on this trip and I can’t honestly say I remember what I ate at Hacienda Cusin as much as I just remember being introduced to the tree tomato (a mango-ish/apricot-ish/passion-fruit-flavored tomato) and the naranjilla (an orange that tastes like a combination of rhubarb and lime) for the first time. The rest of the food was a shrug.  But that’s fine with me. I got to go to an old hacienda (the non-Jesuit kind, mind you) that made me feel like I was living in a Spanish-tiled version of the Led Zeppelin IV ZOSO cover.

The final van trip of the day was to the small village of Peguche, which is known for incredibly talented indigenous weavers and for a picturesque 60-foot ceremonial waterfall in a protected forrest.  

The weaving stores in the village were pretty incredible. So was the waterfall, but you kinda just walk up to it, get your picture taken, stand there and take in how neat it is and leave. Maybe you chicken out on climbing some rocks to get a better photo. Maybe you decide you’re too fat to try to get a photo on a llama.  Maybe all of that happened and it’s best we move on to the weavers.  

In Jose Cotacachi, the workers, all in traditional clothing, demonstrated how they made their wall hangings, shawls, scarves and ponchos from the looms all the way down to the production of the dyes they still make by hand. At one point, a woman who worked there took cochineal eggs from a cactus and smashed them in her palm, using the pigment the insects use to repel predators and added lemon juice and paprika and other stuff to create all sorts of different colors. And it was almost badass how cocky she was about it too. Like, Yeah, I just did that shit. Buy something. 

In another store, Artesania El Gran Condor, Victoria bought a beautiful multicolored table cloth and placemats, while I turned down an offer from my sister to buy me a poncho. These are the types of attire, when worn back in Los Angeles, that can get someone accused of cultural appropriation by the Woke Police. Even though, like, the entire purpose and income of these indigenous markets (especially in the surrounding market of Otavalo) is to sell their fucking wares to dipshit tourists like me.

Anyway, after our first big day of exploring, the fam, including my exhausted niece and nephew, headed back to Quito in the van. My niece, who is 7, got roaring mad at me for some reason or another along the way (I think I ate a piece of her candy), until I sang a song I made up on the spot that went, “I’m so sorry in the van. Won’t you ever shake my hand,” that became such a hit with the kids that it was requested randomly and enthusiastically throughout the rest of the trip. What can I say? Much like the real “Weird” Al Yankovic, my target audience is probably elementary school children.  

Back in Quito, the adults stayed up a bit longer, ordered specialty sushi rolls from a place called Noe and watched Game 7 of the ALCS. The Astros won and were headed to the World Series to face the Dodgers. And I was headed to bed. Thus concluded Day 1.

[thefinalriot-blog]

'Hot Girls Wanted': A Shocking Look at How Teen Girls End Up in Amateur Porn Video

Would a person actually go back? No. I had nothing to stay for. Penthouse, lamborghinis, did every one involving the I ever wanted to do. An Individual guys are usually teeny boppers. He says he continues in order to be achieving this three years nevertheless unlike some other agents stated he actually cares about his girls. Almost All of these websites in which say watch real girls, similar to real 18-year-olds get naked for that 1st time. Famous just like Julia Roberts famous? No, just like Kim Kardashian famous. That will be just about all concerning the guy acquiring off. It's truly confusing. Reporter: According to the Kenzie institute, certainly 1 of the particular few research institutes which research the adult film industry, teen is the nearly all searched phrase upon porn sites. I'm only a burned out porn star as well as I'm like this can't happen. Right. Reporter: Your real winners, the porn sites, which have more targeted traffic monthly when compared with netflix, Amazon and Twitter combined. I wasn't popular. He didn't provide an individual with time to feel it through. Reporter: Girls such as Carly mentioned in a generation in which porn seems being everywhere. Reporter: The Actual merely federal regulation is always that porn actors become 18. 1 kid clicked by making use of an advertisement that merely mentioned hot girls wanted however located herself just like countless various other younger females inside associated with what he the girl says would be a dark, sinister realm of porn. No. I have got done so significantly here. I had sex along with two folks just before I went as well as does porn. Any lot of small girls do find yourself carrying out which as their first scene. I consider that was a good strategy regarding him because if I might have had time to suit your current needs to feel it by means of I probably wouldn't possess gone. This shows girls executing obscene acts which could cause them to vomit or bleed. Any lot of porn is significantly like that. I have got this weird sensation my mother knows. An Individual get the small shoots because you're really small looking. They Will e-mailed me and also stated it had been adult entertainment. Along With then I sort of did. That was really sad. It's similar to I could be proud of each single factor in which I do when it will be at the actual rear of my camera, not really facing someone else's. not way back when you might catch the woman's playing the particular clarinet in the high school band, any self described nerd via a religious family. Free Associated With Charge flight in order to Miami. a lot of which appear for you to be the woman next door. The Actual government tri is actually hot girls want and also obtainable on netflix.. Anyone are generally like this is so just perform right now. A New lot of the is in fact what's happening. Nearly All girls shelf-life is actually a few months. That's it. Reporter: Youthful, innocent, naive, just what porn shoppers apparently crave. A Person are simply processed meat. I believed I was likely to go there along with do a couple of are available back. That looks innocent and all. What can the actual agent take? 15%. Reporter: they tend to be on the list of thousands naive, refreshing faced 18 to become able to 20-year-olds plucked coming from little towns in the click of your mouse. They Will take it as well as hope for that best. I locked my method through my car. Reporter: In Order To arrive at Miami to consider part inside a new expanding part of the porn industry. I has been freaking out. I'm 100% particular would become a simply because there is actually certainly absolutely no worse feeling than becoming used. I knew I couldn't come back here. Reporter: The idea is actually Rachel's very first plane ride actually along with landed your ex in Miami in a lifestyle she hadn't imagined. After I went inside I felt just like I had been 12 yrs . old as well as now I really feel like I'm 30 because it helped me grow and comprehend myself. Reporter: The Actual hunt with regard to these unsuspecting girls is alarmingly simple. I discovered my camera and which saved my life. I just wanted to end up being famous. making 85 videos, raking in $80,000 however she said the girl went home together with just $2,000. Reporter: Sae your woman says ava Taylor can be gone. Reporter: He starts to create $1,000 any shoot. I critically thought I had zero skills however using off my clothes inside these people regarding hours sex along with people. It's horrific. Here's ABC's Rebecca Jarvis. Reporter: she chooses a porn title ava Taylor and also requires the particular irreversible step on the site called reality kings.com planning for the first time which was experiencing the head? Also much. Individuals on porn getting sex and absolutely nothing heading wrong and everybody's happy. The Particular glitter allure involving fame along with fortune. Reporter: Throughout their new documentary "Hot girls wanted" film makers spent weeks subsequent Rachel along using other teenager girls capturing the risks and also harsh realities associated with amateur porn work. I'm just going to have got to complete this until I locate something different to do. The idea is horrible because no-one is actually supposed to possess sex in which lengthy or even which vigorously, or even a person know, which intensely regarding that numerous times inside a row as well as with different people. No. Somehow it's legal. No. the girls spend regarding rent, lingerie as well as makeup. Reporter: Along With this girl who is worried your ex family members in a small city may find out what she can be doing. In Which will grab attention. Reporter: you are certain. An Individual tend to be truly just surviving. This transcript may be routinely generated and also is probably not 100% accurate. http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/hot-girls-wanted-shocking-teen-girls-end-amateur-31545916 Transcript regarding 'Hot Girls Wanted': A New Shocking Appear in How Teenage Girls Find Yourself throughout Amateur Porn Thank an individual pertaining to joining us. That They are stating arrive at our web site so you can watch us. Reporter: With Regard To Rachel it absolutely was a way out fast. It's unlike you may well be really making $80,000. I are in the position to see it on my face. Reporter: New dpirls in many cases are paid out to complete abuse porn which in turn will get 60 million hits any month. Ava. Reporter: The Actual cash arrives with a price. The Lady will now simply reply in order to Rachel. Your leading three pro-am chur web sites are actually really worth an estimated $50 million. Reporter: Rachel quit, moved home and also now works powering her camera. I'm just like oh, god, I'm truly carrying out this. Since I had nothing. I'm attempting being famous. These types of banner ads just pop up for these web sites called 18 and also abused. A Person can get 2,000, $3,000 for likely there once. Reporter: With first glance it may appear just like a slumber party. The lot of them know it's actually a trap however the cash within their encounter correct now, cash. Reporter: Pertaining To "Nightline," I'm Rebecca Jarvis in oswego. I ended up being similar to mad throughout this. Are Usually an individual kidding me? What's likely on? I had been inside the backseat along with somebody has been driving the particular car. Reporter: Additionally the physical toll. I'm sure there get been other options however they weren't quick enough options. Inside reality it is a sorority of a various kind. you have to complete what you've for you to do. From 1st reveling in their newfound freedom. Watching it coming from this point associated with view now, I may just tell in which I really didn't want being there. There's an influx involving girls attempting to complete porn. Amateur porn world. Reporter: the allure pertaining to several money with regard to college, but additionally for just regarding http://shemale-webcams.easyxblogs.com/article/6/shemale-webcams-webcam-ladyboy/ every girl any likelihood with fame. This begins with a craigslist post, hot girls wanted, any custom modeling rendering occupation you get compensated and also free regarding charge airfare. Reporter: So-called amateur porn. Rachel in no way told her parents, but they discovered out. Rachel lasted six. Reporter: Rachel seems like your typical girl subsequent door from rural, Illinois. I had been like an introvert. What's up ava? Nothing, just chillin'. Anyone recognize -- Reporter: harm somebody