#it wasn't supposed to be an analysis but that's how he affects me

[skyeslittlecorner]

Asmo's Selfie Reflections

First I'll have a little cry about the fact that there are no comics in the new cards. We've been robbed. Best part of the cards, along with the stories, is gone…

At least the prologue, with the presence of the kings and their right hands, was simply wonderful (Bael and his instant killing spree when he saw Beel <33)

I waited so long for Asmo that when he showed up it seemed unreal. He got everything. Most of my favorite physical features - checked. Glimmers of depth in behavior - checked. Being a dark and shady bitch - checked.

Plus, it's my personal thing, but seeing that nearly all my headcanons and assumptions for him matched reality made me squeal like a little girl.

Finally.

It doesn't surprise me at all that one of the the most powerful weapons of Hell is not so much physical, but mental force. Feelings that neither devils nor angels can resist. Love and desire have long been portrayed as some of the most powerful things, I have come across Greek motifs quite often, where the most powerful yet hidden gods were Eros or Aphrodite. As long as the spirit wants to fight, the body will follow, but without the spirit, what is left?

Especially since his order turns off your brain and tells you to follow, no matter how absurd it may be.

Asmo and his mind-fucks can help his own as well as his enemies. Especially since it seems that devils are quite traumatized after meeting him, and if they don't, they are locked up in Abbadon.

Although, it seems that he can control his abilities perfectly. He was able to blend in with the crowd and no one knew who he was.

Ahem I just have to stare at him every five seconds. My equivalent of breathing. And speaking of breathing…

*Grabs bottle of sanitizer and a mask* My dear, I know your (not)bathing routine and I still have pandemic supplies with me.

I love that the kings cover the entire spectrum of their specialties, especially the extremes. Satan is the avatar of anger, but he can keep his cool like no other when he needs to. Mammon is the avatar of greed, yet he is the most generous of demons. You get the idea. Same here, Asmo is both the lust and the love, the ultimate playboy and a loving husband.

And not only that, but complete lack of emotions and cold calculation too.

Oh yes, one of your sons is pretty famous, Vox Akuma as i heard. I really confused them when I saw Asmo for the first time-

Knowing how dark the rest of this is, I'm afraid of what you mean.

What follows is pure madness, and not really in a positive sense. Real madness and exhaustion. I had high hopes that he would take away any senses and twist in every direction, but he does it in such a beautiful way. And what's better, he loses himself too.

I only remember Satan, who at the end of Ch1 gave in to his anger so much that he almost killed Sitri and Ppyong. Asmo seems similar to me, completely lost in lust - only for a long time, without Mammon to calm him down, and without any scruples or limiting his power. If that's the case, then the devils of Abbadon must be damn strong. Crazy, but strong.

It's hard for me to describe anything after that, because it's hard for me to put six days into just a few words??? Literally. I have no idea how to describe it. I've read it a good few (a dozen) times and my brain turns off and goes into fangirl mode instead.

He seems as sweet as he is cold… which intrigues me even more, because so far he gives me the impression of a third party. He is not with the angels, and he is with the rest of the demons because it pays off for him.

At least one thing doesn't change.

Everyone loves to piss off Satan <3

I know that was a very polite analysis. That's not how I planned it, but just, just want to shove my phone into each of your hands and tell you to read it yourself because it's indescribable 😭

I already love this guy, and if he wants to sacrifice me in some twisted way, I'll even pour oil on myself to make the flames smell nice. Am I crazy? Yes. Am I ashamed? Absolutely not. Abbadon, here I come.

[linkcharacter]

Really like the recent analysis. I know I speak of curly in a more defensive way than most but I generally try to get the point you made across at the end of the day with my analyses on him and his behaviors.

People love to lock analyses around Curly solely based on what he could’ve done as a physical action and have this avoidance to acknowledging the realistic barriers at play when it comes to those solutions. It’s. The game tries to treat the pre-crash section as if they are grounded in social and organizational realities. So the what if he did this questions about the situation always fall short when the real answer is he either couldn’t or it wasn’t an actual viable option. But then when they talk about what he actually did do it’s surrounded by such bad faith interpretations that his actions were completely intentional or still not affected by outside sources. He’s a very much “road to hell is paved with good intentions” character. He cared too much and that’s a big part of his problem.

There’s such a “perfect victim or nothing” mindset in the fandom where people can’t admit that there are no such things as perfect victims but that also shouldn’t mean that even if there were it would absolve them of the mistakes they made. People want to moralize every action of every character that they don’t realize that some actions are done without any specific morale factor. People just do things, like you said. People assumed failed intentions immediately flip the thought process behind them “he meant to do good but bad happened, he must be bad” and that just is not how people work. It’s how perceptions work but only of the observer.

It’s such a sensitive topic because, yes, you are supposed to be frustrated, even mad, at what Curly didn’t do, but you have to acknowledge the fact these were good intentioned acts even if that good intent did jack squat in the end. That his responses are human and it’s supposed to be uncomfortable and hurt that they were realistic faults of his.

He enabled his friend and it ended bad for everyone including him. No one really tries to argue this fact but everyone seems to think it has to be tied to the morale dilemma and not certain human natures and social factors.

This is all to ask, why do you personally lean towards thinking Curly wouldn’t turn Jimmy in? Are you speaking in the short term of realizing how bad he got or long-term/overall? I feel like he could but it would not be easy and no matter the necessity he’d always have this guilt at feeling bad for doing it.

Ah yes Curly the most imperfect human man character.

Yep yep yep absolutely, people love to assign morality onto characters and call them good or bad and diminishing the depth and nuance of Mouthwashing, filling discussions with bad-faith interpretations or speculating on inconcrete understandings of the incomplete, intentionally vague, context. I adore Mouthwashing to no end for having this oppressive suffocating and constant atmosphere surrounding everything in the game. Really shows off that the environment festers, no one well-meaning guy could create a happy ending with individual actions alone because it's all systematic.

To elaborate from your question tho, at the point Curly was in (if Anya wasn't pregnant scenario), definitely no don't think so (would depend on Anya a too on whether or not she would go to the authorities outside). Curly knew Jimmy was a danger, and I do believe that subconsciously Anya's report to him on Jimmy gnaws at him, but not vividly enough. I want to point out a moment where Anya tells him about the pregnancy, he begins asking "Who would you-", then he's nudged by Anya that she told him and he should know who it is, and he does, instantly saying he's known him a long time and will talk to him. That moment of, for a second not connecting that Jimmy is the assaulter responsible just makes me drag my palm across my face for how much of a man (derogatory) Curly acted like for one dialogue line. Like he just 'forgot' for a brief moment that Jimmy harassed Anya prior? Granted, he instantly believes and takes Anya seriously, immediately dropping the search for the gun he was on in that scene, realizing the severity of the situation and of Jimmy. We also don't know what Anya has told him specifically, how long ago it happened, etc. but the 'implications' of the scene make me believe Jimmy's known sexual harassment on the ship slipped Curly's mind due to him being more invested in "the bigger picture" of Jimmy, not latching onto a harmful and a very serious fucking trivia fact about Jimmy because of his perception of who his friend is as a whole (and with his foggy sleep-deprived mind at the moment), 'losing a needle in a haystack' with how much unknown history Curly and Jimmy shared, so to say.

Maaaybe in some other circumstances, like if Jimmy didn't crash the ship or smth long term I could see him doing it, it would take a lot effort like you said, no matter the necessity. We will never know. If we're going into speculation and imaginary scenarios though, if Anya HERSELF were to try and get justice, Curly would be backing her up undoubtedly (still not disconnecting himself from Jimmy though and feeling guilt on his behalf). But that's all suppositions from my reading of the characters.

[munnmolads]

Rafayel didn't want Reddie - Analysis & Theory

Rafayel's intention with Reddie wasn't to take it home. An analysis of Under Deepspace Chapter 1 -07 with Rafayel's first meeting with MC. Contains spoilers from his myths.

As a recap for their first meeting - a small boy comes to MC to ask her to catch a fish for him before "she" finds out, but his friend/sister calls for him and he runs off. As MC looks at the fish, Rafayel comes to meet MC and catches the fish and drops it in the bottle she has on her hands. After some friendly conversation, Rafayel turns to leave before MC asks him to wait and offers the fish back to him.

First of all - I don't believe for a moment that the kids wanted the fish. I do feel that Rafayel did ask the kids to take her to the pool, so he could have an opening with her.

If we look back to this scene, he is smiling the entire time during this interaction until MC offers the fish back to him. He grunts, looks slightly displeased and leaves without saying a word.

From later interactions with Rafayel we know that he does take care of the fish and names it Reddie. He also sometimes mentions about changing the water for it in the cafe, have some phone calls and texts relating to it, so it seems all good, right?

My friend mentioned that Rafayel tells about Reddie that this species only survives a week on land. Considering how many interactions Rafayel has about Reddie, it's staying alive much longer than it probably should be. I'm not sure if Reddie is actually the last Flammula as the advertisement below says, but I assume it's atleast a real fish in the sense that it's not "visional".

Why does this matter? Because Reddie wasn't supposed to come home with Rafayel. He wanted that MC would take Reddie. If we look back to Nightly Stroll, this is what he says about fish:

He mentions this also in Abysswalker as well - fish have important task to fulfill. In Nightly Stroll the fish appears in between Raf's and MC's palms because their promise has the ocean's blessing. It works as kind of a messenger for the ocean.

His intention with Reddie was to give it to MC and keep an eye out for her. And it's not the only time Rafayel uses fish to this purpose.

In Abysswalker myth, Rafayel basically heard her asking the fish if he was going to meet her again and sent her a note, and showed with the fish where to find the note. In Sea God myth he used the fish to guide MC around Lemuria until he stopped her escape, being disappointed she betrayed his trust.

In Addictive Pain anecdote, it's made clear that Rafayel took a year lasting teaching position in MC's university to keep eye out on her, and he even collected information about her in the Nest. As she graduated and started to become a Deepspace hunter, he has no natural ways to keep track of her. This was an attempt for him to sneakily get more information about her - which failed.

I'm not sure if Reddie is actually his creation, as in he created it for this purpose - it's possible. Both the fish in the myths are his creations: the blue, transluscent fishes that he summons several times in the game already (Under Deepspace chapter 2-10, Nightly stroll, Cafe interaction - Gift...). The only differences to Reddie is that it is red and doesn't seem to be an illusion as his blue fish supposedly are. The blue fish float in the air, while the Reddie did have gravity affecting to it.

But I do feel Rafayel might be extending its life somehow - since it was supposed to die a long time ago already. Most likely because how upset it would make MC (and me) if it actually died.

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Toothache

How does one go "You're Too Sweet For Me" to "My Baby's Sweet As Can Be"?

Synopsis: Simon Riley finds himself stuck in a situation, growing feelings for his roommate who's so annoyingly caring, domestic, sweet and too good for him. What happens when he let's himself indulge in the sweetness rather than cage himself in the bitter life he's been told is the only one he's deserving of and the only life he's known?

Apologies to this mess of a lyricfic, I couldn't help it even though this was supposed to be a relationship analysis..

MEN WRITTEN BY ANA HUANG ARE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME. Alright back to our original programmed schedule with Hozier. ALSO SURPRISE! THIS CONTAINS 3 HOZIER SONGS as an apology for not posting these past two weeks due to me enjoying holidays, reading, prom dress picking and wanting to stab myself because of life, there's the added bonus 👀

My CoD Masterlist

My Simon Riley x You Playlist

Also reader in this one had a lot of characterization, she's me fr, so AFAB?Reader, Fem!Reader, Short!Reader, Reader is VERY feminine with fashion, soft-girl-sunshine!Reader and Chubby?Reader. Y'all have no idea how hard it is to write without a personality and physical intimacy in romance, I tried but failed 😭

Warnings and Disclaimers: Mentions and details on sexual content ahead (is this considered smut? Idk anymore). Not detailed smut but vivid memories of sexual intercourse (especially the dialogue) with Simon. Again, this is a safe account for all ages because I'm not a MDNI acc, you are responsible for your own media consumption. DO NOT GO ON MY DMS, INBOX OR REPLY TO MY CONTENT TO TELL ME YOUR AGE. I don't need to know that and let's strive to not make each other uncomfortable. Mentions of questioning of religion or rather belief on afterlife??

Pink, bold and italic: Lyrics

Italic: recalling past events

Little snippet of an image of how I imagined he'd hold you, courtesy of the one and only @ave661

"It can't be said I'm an early bird, it's 10 o'clock before I say a word. Baby, I can never tell, how do you sleep so well?"

Simon Riley was never a man to live the life he was taught to in the military, it was out of habit for him to not leave his room until around noon. Then there was you, his roommate, he didn't exactly calculate how much it would affect his personal life to save money through rent by willingly letting someone within the same living space.

He'd find himself with not even a wink of sleep, hearing your footsteps through the thin walls, hearing the lock on the windows outside click open.

"You kept telling me to live right, to go to bed before the daylight. But then you wake up from the sunrise."

He'd always hear you, quite frankly it was like nagging on the constant.

"Simon you shouldn't do that, you'll hurt yourself"

"Simon please go get some rest"

"Simon.."

He'd swear he'd rip his own ears out every time his name falls from your lips from how sweet and chirpy it sounded and yet deafening silence would consume him whenever you aren't around.

"You don't gotta pretended, Baby, now and then. Don't you just wanna wake up dark as a lake? Smellin' lika bonfire, lost in the haze?"

Something about you makes it so tempting for Simon to give in, I mean it would be a one time thing, wouldn't it? So soft, so pliant, he set himself up for an addiction. It wasn't healthy, he knew this, he'd convince himself of the fact that he would end up hurting you.

Just too different, it repeated like a mantra in his head. He was bitter, brooding and didn't find any sense of pleasure in living. Why'd you think he has the job he chose? It's all he knew, till you skip your way into his life, giving him the sweetness he was deprived of.

"If you're drunk on life babe, I think it's great. But while in this world, I think I'll take my whiskey neat"

Drowning himself in alcohol, a trait Simon promised himself he wouldn't ever do when he was young, setting his glass down with a small thud from the wooden table. But what would the kid version of him know about life. He didn't have healthier options of coping with what seems to be his dilemma.

But then there you were, sweet little thing coming home at the late hour in that skimpy dress of yours. Revealing too much to the eyes of those who wish to have you for themselves with just one look. Where did you go that night?

"My coffee black in my bed at three, you're too sweet for me"

Desperately trying to keep himself awake and at bay from his thoughts of you. Drowning himself in now two cups of straight black coffee to help him focus.

It was odd, you got used to the scent, was strong with a lack of sweetness but it calmed you down knowing he was around.

How he'd corrupt you, he wanted to shatter that rose tinted glasses of yours to save you from himself because being with him would change you. Selfish but he doesn't want that, you were utter perfection..

Simon further delved into his feelings, what the fuck was wrong with him?

"I aim low. I aim true, and the ground's where I go. I work late where I'm free from the phone and the job gets done"

Grumbling, Simon walks back into the apartment in the middle of the night. You heard a thud, you come out of your bedroom, yawing from you incomplete sleep.

"Si..? Are you hurt? What happened?" You asked in a soft tone, careful not to agitate someone would could possibly be pissed off.

Simon stays silent, glaring at you as his eyes was only thing visible because of his balaclava. Your soft gaze intimidated him, because why would he feel that squeeze in his heart?

"But you worry some, I know but who wants to live forever, babe? You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate. The rest of you like you're the TSA, I wish I could go along Babe, don't get me wrong..."

The only thing Simon heard was a sigh from you and nothing more, you walk up to him, each footstep feeling louder than that last.

Something Simon didn't expect you to do was wrap you arms around his waist, tiny thing you are that your head only goes up to his chest. Your body against his, basking in the warmth in contrast to the cold weather he had to deal with coming home.

"You know you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain, pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape. If you can sit in a barrel maybe I'll wait, until that day.."

You took care of him that night, to his reluctance and stubbornness. Despite refusing, he had no choice, he wouldn't want a soft thing like you on his ear the whole night till he agrees. You were persuasive in your own irritating way.

Sitting on the edge of the tub of the warm bath he's in, washcloth in hand. Touch was so gentle, why was it so soft? Why's it so warm? "It's the water you fucking idiot" his subconscious screaming at him. In denial.

Why is his heart beating so fast..? He wants to stab it to stop the feeling..

"I'd rather take my whiskey neat, my coffee black and my bed at three. You're too sweet for me"

Using both your hands this time around, one gently holding his chin with your fingers while the other wiping away at the eyeblack he had. Every scar on his face felt the graze of your finger.

The slow blinks, your eyes on his. Before any conscious thoughts consume Simon, he lifts his arms from the warm water and wraps them around you.

Your nightgown was now damp but you couldn't care less, now with the man you were pinning over, foreheads against the other.

"Si.." you softly whisper. That nickname will be the death of him, you'll be the death of him. He crashes his lips on yours, not wanting to let go till you both were panting. You were too fucking sweet, your lips, your skin, everything. He wanted a taste and he got it...

"My lover's got humor, she's the giggle at a funeral. Knows everybody's disapproval, I should've worshiped her sooner"

Another sleepless night wasn't uncommon for someone like Simon.. however this aching feeling wasn't, he doesn't know where it's from or what it's about. Not until he heard you in the kitchen, letting out a giggle even though you knew better.

"If the Heavens ever did speak, She's the last true mouthpiece. Every Sunday's getting more bleak. A fresh poison each week "We were born sick"

That sweet fucking voice, like the angels speaking to him themselves. "Oh- I'm sorry Si, did I wake you up?" You asked, turning around to the sound of his footsteps.

That tiny nightdress of yours, a reminder of the night you spent together, that morning you slept in his bed.

Lashes beautifully displayed on the delicate skin of your under eyes. Soft noises while your chest was peacefully moving up and down with every breath.

"She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom". The only Heaven I'll be sent to, is when I'm alone with you I was born sick, but I love it Command me to be well. A, Amen, Amen, Amen"

"Simon.. Ahh~" you moan out softly, your body writhing underneath him. It felt hot, sweaty despite the well ventilated room, so intimate from something that was supposed to be the farthest thing from domestic.

"Shhh, you can take it sunshine.. You don't want the neighbors to hear us, do you?" Simon whispers, callous hand covering your mouth with as little pressure possible, you whimper at his words.

Closing your eyes to lose yourself in the pleasure you've never felt before. Your body being worshiped with gentle hands and soft kisses that leave marks by the very same man who kept distancing himself from you, now he'd stop at nothing for your pleasure.

"Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life."

"Simon.. no more–" you whined. Scratching his back hard enough to leave marks without being aware, he'd always imagine what those pretty pink nails could do to him.

"Just one more, please sunshine.. you remember our safe word right?" Simon asks for you to nod softly, you didn't have energy to take anymore. "I told you I'll make you feel good, didn't I? So be a good girl for me and take it, hmm?"

Your eyes roll back at his praise, your legs shake with one after another wave of pleasure running through your body. This man was starved.. insatiable.. who would be able to resist such a request? Not you.

"If I'm a pagan of the good times, my lover's the sunlight to keep the Goddess on my side. She demands a sacrifice, drain the whole sea, get something shiny"

It took everything in Simon not to worship the ground you walked on that night, he wasn't trying very hard, was he? Because always.. at the end of the night, you're in his bed, his mind, his life.

Was it really a sin? To want something you don't deserve? Simon stayed up that whole night, not a wink of sleep while thinking of whether this arrangement should continue. Every bone and organ in his body telling him to be selfish, take what was something that wasn't his to take.

"Something meaty for the main course, that's a fine looking high horse. What you got in the stable? We've a lot of starving faithful that looks tasty, that looks plenty, this is hungry work"

Simon's gaze, never faltering on your sleeping figure that he refuses to go anywhere but his own arms. He tries to close his eye to compose himself, free himself from the emotions you emit from him.

His efforts were to no use, all he saw was the image of you, sweetly smiling, those doe eye staring right through his soul.

"No masters or kings when the ritual begins. There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin In the madness, in the soil of that sad earthly scene. Only then I am human, only then I am clean"

You were getting too close for your own good, Simon knew that, he'll be damned if he let's himself hurt you. So he does what any stupid man would do, avoid you like the plague. Did it mean nothing? Were you just some fling, never to be talked about again?

Fuck you Simon Riley, he made you feel loved in bed like no man ever has or ever will, completely ruining your chance of ever thinking of anything else and that was just a hook-up session? Maybe this one time you can let yourself be delusional, was there really something more? Only one way to find out.

"Oh, oh, Amen, Amen, Amen, Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life"

You caught him, fucking finally, after days of waiting and trying to get him at the perfect time. "Si.." you whispered softly, you didn't know where to start. He took a quick glance at you before looking back at what he was doing.

"Simon Riley, don't fucking ignore me. Not after everything that happened those nights" You said, it was stern but he needed to hear it. It made him stop, think about what had happened.

Before he could generate a response, "Why?" You asked. It was a vague question, why was he ignoring you? Why does he feel this way? Why does he love you yet refuse to act on it?

"Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life.."

"You don't deserve a man like me, you deserve one who is like you, optimistic, sweet, fucking beautiful and alive.. A man who's not damaged, scarred, has blood on his hands and haunted by his past. A man who's not afraid to show his love for you. A man who won't put his burdens on your shoulders and a man who will take care of you instead of the other way around. That's what you deserve and I can't give that"

Everything felt like it came to a stop, were you hearing that right?

"You have no idea how much you contradict yourself, Si. How are you so sure that you haven't given those things to me already? You might not be like me but "like me" isn't what I want.. I want you, every flaw, every beautiful scar. Not once before your silent treatment have you hurt me, it's frustrating yes, but you are worthy of that. Every struggle, frustration and mistake, every bit of your love is worth all of that. I want you to see that Si, your actual true worth rather than what some psychotic fucker decided to torture you with"

"Boys, workin' on empty. Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat? I just think about my baby, I'm so full of love I could barely eat"

"Si?"

"Yes, Sunshine?"

"I love you" You whispered after smothering him in a plethora of kisses. Never has anything made Simon melt more in his life than his wife say that. Doesn't matter how long it's been, how much the both of you have been through or how much frustration the both of you were going through..

It will always stay the same, the feeling those three words give him, like the first time, every moment feels that way. Familiar, finally.. Home.

"There's nothing sweeter than my baby I'd never want once from the cherry tree. 'Cause my baby's sweet as can be, she give me toothaches just from kissin' me"

He always thought about how unfaithfulness was such a struggle between some people, he thought about how good he has it constantly, reflecting back on what he used to have to how now this is something he never thought he'd have or deserve.

"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her"

When a man finds himself in the verge of embracing death's arms, what causes the struggle? What causes him to fight that pain, to keep on going? Not once has this crossed Ghost's mind.

No. He's not Ghost, he's Simon. Your Simon.

And you're expecting your Simon home, fuck everything else, he'll give the biggest "fuck you" to death itself and crawl home to you because he'll be damned and he'll experience everything he has in his life over and over again just to hold you again.

"Boys, when my baby found me I was three days on a drunken sin, I woke with her walls around me. Nothin' in her room but an empty crib and I was burnin' up a fever I didn't care much how long I lived, but I swear I thought I dreamed her. She never asked me once about the wrong I did."

It should matter, the amount of blood on his hands. Not once did you judge him for it, what the fuck was wrong with you? Giving a monster such as him a bath like he was some innocent stray kitten, although this time around it was far more messy. The dried blood caked underneath his finger nails.

Flashing him a tired smile while you wiped off the blood that made the water in the tub a hue of brownish-red. Taking your hand in his, his lips brushing against your knuckles. The way you looked at him was enough to make him cry.

"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her"

"Fucking get up" Simon repeats to himself, "She needs you, she loves you" despite how many times he's convinced himself you didn't due to the voice of his father in his head, it felt like a knife twisting in his heart imagining how it would be for you without him.

How much you cried the night he came home a day later, you told him yourself, practically sobbing while clutching your aching chest and him with your other arm how you weren't ready for Price to show up at your doorsteps holding Simon's belongings.

He won't let that happen.. he can't...

"My babe would never fret none, about what my hands and my body done. If the Lord don't forgive me, I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me"

Simon knew it, no one would ever love him like you do. No one would show him the same acceptance, devotion, care, concern and love. It wasn't healthy to be so attached dependently to someone in love.

He couldn't help it, it felt so right, everything with you did. Never a judgmental one, at least towards him. Always first to hold him, the first to ever take away the heavy guilt that weighed his heart and shoulders down after he'd done something he knows he'll go to hell for, if it's even real

"When I was kissing on my baby and she put her love down soft and sweet In the low lamplight I was free. Heaven and hell were words to me"

Every inch was kissed, not a part wasn't worshiped. "So fuckin' beautiful, so sweet. All for me, hmm?" Simon mumbled against your skin, suckling on the soft sweetness that he so claims. All hickeys, no bruises.

Fuck, he'd not just survive but thrive on just you. No other sustenance, your supple thighs he adores to cover in purple, your neck, your lips and your skin that he often compares to sugar syrup in his head.

"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her"

The question was, was it worth it to live an eternity of lifetimes filled with suffer to be with you in at least once? The only answer to ever graze Simon Riley's lips was the word "yes", the day that changes is the day that he'd be the biggest bull-shiter the world has ever known.

Simon opened the door to your shared home, "Daddy!" A loud squeal wakes him up from his dread of what he's seen on the field.

"How's my little sunshine been? 'Ave you been good to your momma while I was gone?" Simon asked, carrying the little girl in his arms.

"Yes! Momma said we'd go to the park tomorrow as a reward for me helping out!" Little one saying it so proudly, Simon couldn't help but smile, beaming with pride as his little girl grows up to be what he recognizes as a good person.

"Simon..? You're finally home, I missed you so much" You said, peeking out the laundry room. You walked out, quick to give him a peck on the lips.

"I love you Si.."

"I love you too Sunshine"

Also this is a very long fic.. I expect long feedback.. @connorsui 👀

Does this make sense? Idk anymore it's like almost midnight and I'm running on a few hours of sleep. GOD MY PROM DRESS LOOKS SO GOOD, I CAN'T WAIT.

Taglist: @wishesforyou @puff0o0 @simping4konig @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @shadofireshinobi @thelightdjinnofpalestine @09maruchan @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @ghosts-cyphera @fawnchives @connorsui @capuccino192 @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @the-second-sage @starryylies @everlastingmoonlightsworld @keiva1000 @iexiam @drewsmusee @konigceo

Trying out new dividers as well by @anitalenia

[thedeafprophet]

On Eurylochus, Mutiny, and Starvation

I've seen a lot of discussion around choices made by the crew, and especially Eurylochus that have often not felt to be quite hitting the point. I've seen quite a few things in passing of analysis that seems to downplay the actions with the cow and make a mocking of a starving man, making him out to be dumb and 'just wanting a burger' or jokes around those lines, or worse, saying that he 'deserved to die' for acts made in desperation. [For as foolish as a notion as a character 'deserving' to die in a tragedy.]

It wouldn't bother me as much, if i hadn't also seen people tend to be dismissive of Eurylochus' character anf struggles in general. I think that does a disservice Eurolcyhus, the severity of the situation, the difficulty of odysseus' choice, and the overall themes.

Hunger and food are a frequent theme and struggle right from the beginning, something we are put to think about from the get go. One of the first things we hear from Eurylochus in full speed ahead is concern over food, most especially with that of the crew and feeding that many people. it is that situation that leads them to polythemus' cave - it is hunger and the aim to fend off starvation that leads to the killing of the sheep. Perhaps it could be said that all this wrath of gods and monsters itself is against humans for daring to try and survive...

This theme isn't just there, we see it again with Circe's island, and her offering of food and that changing the men to pigs. One could say its a reflection of greed, but with the over all notion of the severity, that is not at all comparable in my view. The constant struggle and search for food is vastly important.

and, of course, we see it especially, at the end of mutiny, with Eury. It was illogical, wasn't it? of course he shouldnt have killed those cows, of course he should have known punishment would come. the logic was there, surely he can't have wanted it that bad? Why didn't he just think logically like Odysseus?

except, that's not how hunger works.

For some context, this is a topic that hits close to me personally, as before I had surgery to help mitigate symptoms, I deal with a condition that caused me to be unable to eat properly for 2 years, by the end point I was basically starving on a day to day basis. Hunger is *heavy*. Unless you've experienced it, you cannot fully understand what it does to the body and to the mind.

It affects more than just making you hungry - you become exhausted, your body unable to fuel itself. headaches, brain fog, complete inability to process and think as you're supposed to. Your emotions run haywire, anger and depression can hit you so heavily. Sleep becomes disturbed, everything becomes dizzy, as your body turns inword, destorying itself until there's nothing left.

You cannot function properly at all.

It's easy as a listener to a musical to dismiss hunger, but the reality is vicious, painful, and destructive. in that condition, how could Eurylochus keep strong? keep motivated? think logically?

Combined with all the other intense trauma and loss, Eurylochus and the crew had been pushed to extensive limits. In better times, they would have never made that choice, never turned against Ody that way. Just as Ody would have never sacrificed his men like that, had it not been for the event that had transpired previously. That is the crux of a tragedy, the fact that thingd could have gone differently, but they didnt.

Yes, killing the cows was a illogical choice.

But hunger has a way with you.

No, it wasn't a good choice. It was an action done in desperation, a burst of irrtionatity fuel by hunger and pain. But refusing to understand why that choice was made does the story and its characters a disservice.

[like-tears-in-rain-storms]

Ok just had to share because I've been seeing these people all around and yet it had never happened directly to me.

So, great review of Nosferatu, and I get into A Situation with a person claiming that Orlok is a psychic pdfile rapist of child-Ellen and what's more, the covenant he tricked her into making with him symbolizes a marriage contract,thus Ellen is the analogue of a child bride and a denunciation of the buying and selling of women as brides through history and during that period in particular - also class analysis of how he's a parasite that sucks people dry, yadda yadda, we all know the class analysis. Now that's certainly....a take, and tbh I can see some elements of it sleekly fitting in with the way Eggers structures his themes, but to treat it so absolutely as THE explanation of such an intricate narrative....yeah. I had some issues with that.

And the whole affair ends with that person telling me verbatim, I kid you not, "you should examine why it is that you have a romantic reading on such an one-sided relationship between an undead rapist killer and his teenage victim".

And I'm like....what is this supposed to be? An own? Is it supposed to make me stop dead on my tracks and go "oh yeesh. Why am I romanticizing the goddamn gothic romance????? Am I some kind of monster? A ticking time bomb who'll listen tomorrow about a teen grooming victim of some degenerate and go "yeah but consider that she might have called on him on her dreams to liberate her and spread Covid around"???

To make a long story short, that passive-aggressive urge to self-psychologize with the hint that there's something wrong with myself did absolutely nothing to me,and I can explain it already as I did.

I had a romantic reading because I like gothic romance.

That's it, that's all the answer needed.

But I'm feeling rambly, so I'll elaborate. Because I like sounding the depths of the human mind and will and I like imagining it against powers that defy human measures. Because I like to imagine human nature as a universe, full of it's own destructive phenomena, natural disasters, secret cave systems and toxic geysers. Because in fiction I am free to do so, and can taste flavors that I would never seek out in the real world, like the vertigo of fulfilling the need for self-destruction, or the grandeur of being worth more than the entire world to someone, and what's more, I can acknowledge they exist, and can safely follow them to their logical limits from behind the safety of a book cover. Because on the page we can live out what can't be lived out in the real world even if we tried and because "some things belong on the page, others in life, and it's a blessed fool who can't tell the difference" and I don't know how others see themselves, but I am neither blessed nor a fool.

So needless to say, that wasn't the one it was probably intended as. Really interesting, though, to see such limited-minded puritanism take the stand on the event of Nosferatu coming out. Really interesting how, somehow, they are sounding more and more like crusaders of moral purity for the easily-deceived masses, only now dressed in some righteous "anti-abuse" garb, like abuse in the world will be affected if someone on the internet says that maybe the devouring embodiment of darkness that was rotting alive in the movie had some lasting and fatal effect on Ellen, and it didn't have to be love for it to be defining.

The real question is, why when your limit is the sky and you can make playgrounds out of your mind, do people feel the need to bring everything down to the unromantic, pedestrian and depressive reality that surrounds us whether we want it or not? As far as passive-aggressive urges for self-reflection go, I think that's a much more potentially productive one.

[cowbok]

Character Analysis: Narinder (The One Who Waits) Part 2

Part 1 Here!!

Alrighty, let's start!! Last time we left it at the begininng of Narinder's jealosy towards his brothers, and the affections the mortals gave them while he received fear and hatred from the mortals.

But before turning on his brothers, he tried to do something about this. He thought "Why do mortals fear me?" The answer was easy. He was the personification of dead. Judge of the souls, the reaper themselves. Of course they would be terrified of Narinder!

So, the curse of action was obvios. What if he wasn't just the God of Death? After all, it was fair! Their brothers weren't the gods of just 1 and 1 thing alone! Shamura was war and knowledge. Kallamar was pestilence and health. Heket was famine and harvest. Leshy is order and chaos.

So why couldn't he be the God of Death AND LIFE at the same time as well?

Of course, Narinder didn't knew about how to create living creatures, not even about the magics that went on the creation of a soul. But he would figure somehow.

It is said that Shamura nurtered this ambition of his. Without truly knowing Narinder's intentions, maybe Shamura knew the God of Death wasn't well received so they wanted to support Narinder as good as they could.

Dialogs of Shamura right here.

Narinder was so close to figuring out the secrets of life, and he manages to created ressurection! Finally, after millenia! He would no longer be just the boogey-man of the mortals folkclore!

No longer feared, but loves just the same as the rest of his siblings as the god of Death AND LIFE. No longer he who lays a soul to rest. But also, he who reaweakens a soul anew.

And for this, for trying to go against the natural order, the bishops had to stop him. Of course, at the time Narinder couldn't understand the gravity of what he was trying to achive, he was just so full of ambition and desire.

So he felt so enraged when his siblings denied him. Weren't they supposed to be different from the brainless gods that slaughtered themselves during the purge? Weren't they supposed to be brothers in arms? That there was nothing they couldn't understand?

It seemed like it wasn't that way. And so, the bishop of Death saw red that day, causing the wounds in our bishops that they still hold to this day.

I like to think Narinder felt some guilt from this. But he never admitted it. Specially not after what happened later.

Chained, trapped into the deeps of the underworld, unable to leave for eternity. How could they? They were his brothers, his family, his only home. The only ones he trusted with his life and they dis this?!

Once again, shunned away, hated, feared, left alone to rot forevermore. The tittle of god meant nothing, for nothing had changed from the time he was a mortal.

The only mercy he was given was the company of the two kittens, Baal and Aym.

I like to make a parenthesis for them. Even after Narinder tells us he does not cares of them i believe he's just being a huge tsundere. The kits talk so higly of Narinder that its difficult to imagine they didn't form some kind of bond over the centuries.

I know he does cares but of course, he loved his siblings and look how they repaid him? He would never be found showing love and appreciation over anyother, ever again...

At least he thought so...

The Lamb

A prophecy of a liberator, the most loyal of the followers of dead.

At this point Narinder knows better than to let himself form a bond with his vessel, its supposes to be just bussiness but...

It has been ages since he had devotion poured into him. And the Lamb, he's so different. No fear or hatred, no prayers to keep him away, but true love. The kind of love the followers of their brother gave them, instead of that rancid fear and horror disguised a respect he used to get.

That's why it comes as such a surprise to our cat that the Lamb refused to be sacrificed. They were their most loyal, weren't they?!?! Once again met by betrayal?!?

It seems Narinder has a tendency to see only his way, tho. Of course the Lamb has all the right to feel equally if not even more offended by Narinder's word.

I would give him, that it seems flesh sacrifices were the norm and that it was a way to show devotion. Judging for the scenes where the bishops get powered up by their willing followers. Narinder thought this natural, without taking into account if the Lamb was or not okey with it

(And that depends on the type of gameplay of each one. Personally, i hate doing sacrifices, so i headcannon my lamb as the same).

But this is about Narinder and how he felt when he thought was, once again, betrayed. The heart of the bishop of death cannot get a fucking rest.

After his defeat, might as well die. Why keep living this life that has done nothing more but to stab him in the back and front over and over again? And what's worse, he's not even a god anymore...

And then... The lamb spares him.

And the the Lamb gives him a second chance. And the Lamb takes care of him, and shows him a new life, and shows him things CAN be different, and the Lamb keeps him safe.

(And depending on the gameplay you choose, the Lamb even loves him, shows still devotion. And the feelings are complicated. The lamb betrayed them but... They still... Love him?)

And it's all so weird. So many conflicting emotions over millenia. But at last... He is free. And he has all the time in the world to figure out his place in this new world.

And that's all!! Hope you liked this analysis. I just needed to take it all out of my system haha (HYPERFIXIATES TOO MUCH ON NARINDER HELP)

The cow now leaves. Bye!!

(Not going to talk about finals where the lamb kills him or keeps him alive to put him in the pillory forever because they make me sad 😔)

[yuseirra]

Today's analysis/thoughts~~ I really should leave the story at that but the thoughts keep coming to me, here's what I thought of today!

It's the final arc, isn't it? So if the author goes: "5 chapters until the finale!" now or something - I’ll have to grab the author by the collar… because that would mean they just threw the story away.

But when you combine the chapters, they’re connecting ones that don’t make sense together, so I’m left wondering, “What is this supposed to achieve?” That’s what I’ve been thinking.

The author will handle it, of course, but if this is the end, the movie arc seems unnecessary. Even if it existed, if Hikaru’s reaction had been a little different, or Ai hadn’t told Aqua, “I’d love it if you could help me save this person together,” everything would’ve clicked into place. However, those chapters really stand out to me, and I judged them to be crucial, so I based my interpretations on them. I really like those chapters and consider them to be my favs, too...

I feel like the psychological bridge between the movie arc chapters and the current developments could actually be tied together by the two songs. They work like a sort of adhesive, making me wonder, "Oh, could this be it? Is this what it's about?" Otherwise, I’d just let the story go, thinking, “Whatever happens, happens~~”

Anyway, Ai imagining a happy little family with this person, where they’re pretty and happy…

Or, when Kamiki was in his happy times with Ai…, with a bright smile that’s identical to Ruby’s—something you’d never see now, and a smile that Aqua would never have because of his personality— smiling that brightly…

I very liked those kinds of things.

Like them holding hands or being wrapped in each other's arms… I think they had a beautiful relationship. It could have been that way if not for the terrible life situations Hikaru had to put up with.

That explains why Ai left those words behind.

And it also explains how Kamiki couldn’t give up on Ai and couldn’t bear the fact that she was gone. They did a lot in reaction to that to somehow reverse the situation from their own point of view, and in that process, they completely broke down. If this person hadn’t loved Ai so much, or if they didn’t love her at all, they wouldn’t have fallen apart like this…

Really…I'm sure they never anticipated Ai’s death, nor did they ever wish for it, so that's why when it happened, the shock was immense, and they became so desperate that they completely changed.

If they had knowingly caused this to happen, they wouldn’t have been so extreme, risking everything, pouring their entire life into risky behavior. Why would they go through all of that? They have talent, good looks, and seem to make good money, so what’s there to be unsatisfied about? If they had some idea of what might happen, they’d have gone through a process of rationalizing it. He wouldn't be all about "feeling Ai's presence" the way he is, that seems like the only thing he wants.

From their actions, you can see Kamiki hasn’t come to terms with Ai’s death at all.

He loved Ai so much, and in a world without her, he felt like he simply couldn’t go on. He just can’t break free from those feelings…

If you look at this person’s life, Ai was the only one who ever gave him real happiness, love, or cared for him in a meaningful way. And regardless of how good or bad you are as a person, when someone like that disappears from your life, no one can stay sane. The narrative structure really supports this well. Ai had the president and his wife, her B-Komachi team members(although it wasn't completely friendly), and eventually her children. There were at least people she could share affection with, however small that might’ve been. Even toward her fans, Ai expressed love in her own way. But… if you look at Kamiki’s portrayal, he had none of that, and the relationships he did have were either destructive, indifferent to his situation, or not bad but still not dependable. So, even if Kamiki’s base personality was really good (actually, it's because he had such a good nature that he could smile and endure as long as Ai was there with him, even if she was the only one. He would have recovered; he could have lived if Ai existed. Looking at it, Ai really was that kind of person for him. Despite that, Kamiki never clung so unhealthily to her. It’s only after her death that he lost his mind. When she left, he let her go, and later tried to send her flowers with a smile. If he had been obsessed with her—most people would have been to some degree—then the songs wouldn’t have come out this way, and Ai wouldn’t have left behind so much regret about him. Ai was a character who had the insight to recognize someone’s true character. That’s why I believe Kamiki really was a good person. It’s rare to find someone like that…).

Anyway, I don’t think I can discard the reactions from the movie arc… Since many aspects of Kamiki's emotional state and why he acted the way he did can be derived in those chapters. I feel what he had with Ai was indeed genuine.

When you combine them with the songs, everything meets in the middle and harmonizes perfectly.

The movie arc’s depiction (where they really did love each other and had a good relationship) and the current chapters (where the character has completely lost his mind)

and the songs (something had an influence on Kamiki while he was in a desperate, unstable mental state, wanting to meet Ai again after her death)

—when you put those together, it makes sense.

If you just look at only the movie arc and the current chapters, there’s a gap in between.

Really, this manga…

It’s strangely keeping so many things hidden. If Kamiki were the final boss or the true villain, they wouldn’t handle it like this. I don’t think he can be the final boss or the true villain, anyway… The author will figure it out. But if they were going in that direction, directing it this way would backfire. If Kamiki had done all these bad things, they should show everything and make us cheer for Aqua. But I can’t bring myself to think Aqua’s in the right. He just seems foolish, and it’s frustrating to watch him. He’s not cool at all. It’s annoying. How can he not understand his mother’s heart? He doesn’t listen. He’s stubborn.

Kamiki's a depressed person who’s suffered too much, gone mad, and had no one to help him…

In the song "Fatal,"

“How many times have I wished for it? For a hand to soothe the festering wounds in my heart” < doesn’t a lyric like that come up?

Haha, isn’t this exactly Kamiki? It makes sense that he’d miss Ai so dearly. How would he NOT long for her? She’s gone!! He has no one!!! He believes she died because of him. That’s why he’s gone insane!!!

His own son is trying to kill him, self-harming, drowning him… If he dies, then seriously, what was this person’s life even for? I don’t feel sorry for Aqua. He’s not cool. No one ever wanted him to die, not even Kamiki, who was trying to send him away. Aqua is such a fool!! And anyway, he’s not going to die, is he? So it doesn’t even matter. Saltwater will only make his wounds worse, that idiot. I don’t feel sorry for him at all. He stabbed himself! (I’m so mad). No, I care for Aqua, but the current situation frustrates me~~~~~ why is the story making me feel this way about the main character? And it's not like I'm a person who can't read between the lines. I think A LOT. and I think that's why I've been suffering from reading this piece, UGH.

Honestly, Hikaru’s character analysis can be summed up in just a few words if you look at it simply:

A guy who went insane because he missed Ai too much. This is basically the summary, and I don’t think this will change. After all, the songs are about that—those are the parts of the story that have already been concluded, fully complete.

But when you delve into the details, there are contradictions, lots of unanswered questions, and things don’t seem to fit together. It’s confusing.

However, it doesn’t seem like his character has actually changed that much either. I feel like this was somewhat expected. I just didn’t anticipate the extent of how far he’d gone off the deep end. It was always about the extent for me.

But, when you think about it…

If Hikaru hadn’t really intended to harm Ruby, then Aqua’s actions would have looked completely foolish, so perpaps it was inevitable that something would show he had truly gone mad.

Aqua was trying to avenge Ai by going after this man, but when you think about it, this man really was the one who loved Ai more than anyone else in the world, wasn’t he? They were mutual—both loved each other deeply, and they cared for one another. Kamiki was genuinely a good person, but because of Ai’s death, he broke down because he missed her too much.

So, if Aqua wants to kill him and get revenge for Ai, there’s actually not much justification for it. The address he gave? Honestly, I think that was completely done out of good intentions. Given how he was described as noble, he probably wasn’t such a strange guy up until that point. Considering the fact that Ai and he were mutual, and Ai wants to save him, I think it’s highly likely that he wasn’t guilty of anything major, at least when it came to things involving Ai.

Therefore, if Aqua really planned to die together with him for the sake of revenge or tried to kill him, it'd have just resulted to Aqua just having made a huge mistake. (I mean, in the movie arc, Ruby’s understanding of her mom grew, but Aqua seems like he doesn’t even understand his mom and, despite playing the role of his dad, doesn’t understand him either. Is this because there’s some hidden backstory where he knows his dad’s true nature? What’s going on? Is this because Hikaru really did target Ai on purpose and try to kill her? But if that’s the case!!! If Aqua wanted to kill him over Ai, we’d hear something about Ai, wouldn’t we? He’s only talking about Ruby. In their conversations, it’s Kamiki who brings up Ai directly… even when he’s sinking into the sea he’s thinking he wants to feel Ai’s presence forever. From what I see, aside from asking Ryosuke to deliver flowers, I don’t think he did anything wrong concerning Ai. Maybe he just wanted to deliver flowers, but everything spiraled out of control, driving him insane.)

It all happened by chance. If this guy hadn’t gone insane to the extent of targeting Ruby, then Aqua completely messed up this time, and Aqua is lucky that Hikaru turned out to be such a strange person.

Honestly, this whole development is frustrating.

I can’t even root for Aqua right now, and it just leaves me feeling conflicted. And isn’t Aqua the protagonist? But this whole revenge thing—I'm not even sure if the basic premise is solid. I used to like Aqua, but now I’m left confused—did he really do the right thing? Has anything really been resolved? I don’t know.

This is nothing like a satisfying, cathartic revenge. I’m not even sure if he truly protected Ruby. I mean, sure, maybe he did? But this resolution isn’t good for Ruby either. I don’t think this aligns with what Ai wanted or what Ruby wanted.

Even the dramatic scene of Aqua falling into the water—he’s doing the exact opposite of what Ai wanted, saying, "My mission wasn’t about revenge." That’s what makes me mad. What’s he doing? He said he’d grant Ai’s wish, right? Well, then what he’s doing now is not that!! What would’ve happened if his dad wasn’t as crazy as he thought?

So, plot-wise, even though this direction might fit with Aqua being the protagonist,

I still don’t understand what any of this is supposed to be… Two people who lost Ai and fell apart are now trying to kill each other. It’s frustrating. This doesn’t feel right. It’s like there’s some other culprit who caused all this, but instead, it’s just these two broken people destroying each other.

This isn’t the end of the story, no way. I’m not worried at all, the plot is too weak for that to happen.

I’m not even a bit concerned about Aqua’s life; it wasn’t a wise choice he made to begin with.

Maybe Taiki will come and pull him out of the water, take him to Kana’s concert in his car.

And as for Kamiki… if Ai’s wish holds any meaning, maybe he has a chance for redemption.

Honestly, if he’s saved somehow, that would be something worth watching. The fact that we don’t know anything concrete yet suggests that his thoughts and words may be insane, but his actions might not have amounted to much at all (yeah...I also think that's really low chance). Still, I don’t expect much—I just hope there’s a reason behind why this character’s life was written to be so miserable.

I have some idea of how the manga might progress overall, but as I’m reading it chapter by chapter, I can’t help but get caught up and swayed by everything happening in it… I should probably just read on and accept whatever comes. As long as Kamiki doesn’t have hundreds of hidden corpses somewhere (because then the genre really would take a turn… lol), I think it’ll be fine. That would be so freaky and scary and ridiculous and it'd make me go what is this manga even??? Hope that won't happen because Ai, really did love this man with all her heart. And I think he tried...to do his best for her in his own way but somehow that made him turn this way... hope that's handled as something tragic and melancholic, not just.. some disastrous, freaky, undesirable mess.. it wouldn't contribute to the story in any way.

[lord-squiggletits]

I’d love to hear any comments/headcanons you have for pre-Tarn/pre-war Damus!

Those tags about him being touch starved due in part to his Outlier powers had me in my feels 😭😭 I loved that wonderful (and angsty) analysis on him.

Hmm I'm not sure I have that many but let's see if the ones I do have end up blossoming into a more robust list or not

Like most people, I headcanon Damus having an affinity for music long before becoming Tarn; I mean, his outlier power had literally nothing to do with sound at all to begin with (even once he started being able to do it at a distance), so it seems like for Tarn to have 'music lover' as one of his big traits, he would've picked it for a reason, no? Not all parts of Tarn (TM) have to be a complete pretense

Following that, because Damus' outlier broke all electrical devices/machines he touched, he became a singer because his own voice is something he can't break and that no one can take away from him. Maybe he would've tried non-electronic instruments, but he would've gravitated towards singing more than instrumental performance regardless

Also, depending on how you headcanon Cybertronian singing to work (do any of them "breathe"/push air like humans do or are their voices entirely synthesized? Is "breathing" a special mod or does it work as a function of ventilation/cooling), being empurata'd probably could've affected Damus' singing ability since he would no longer have a face/mouth to shape his sounds. Could still sing since he does have a voice box, but I imagine that, considering Damus wasn't able to touch anyone/anything anyways, losing his hands was way less hurtful to him than losing his face.

However, since his outlier ability would make him pretty much functionally disabled on Cybertron (literally everything and everyone is machines), Damus would've had a greater appreciation for physical mediums of art/function more than the average person, I think. In a society where pretty much everything is stored on datapads, computers, etc, Damus would've been a huge pen-and-paper, art canvas, stonecarving, etc kind of guy; a big appreciator of things that can survive without an electrical connection or any machine functioning. He's basically one of those people who, in human terms, would own a lot of antiquated stuff like record players, cassette decks, CDs, etc because his outlier forced him to adapt to (and then eventually enjoy the benefits/unique traits of) physical rather than digital mediums. I imagine this trait would make Damus odd among other hobbyists, since for both anatomical reasons (they're a mechanical species) and cultural reasons (history of mechanical superiority/anti-organic tendencies), most people would probably degrade physical media as less fast, efficient, flexible, etc compared to digital. Which does kind of make it ironic that Damus later became a Decepticon, but I suppose non-electrical/mechanical doesn't necessarily equate to being organic.

On account of not gaining control of his outlier until his outlaw days with Orion and co., I imagine Damus' job opportunities would've been very limited and he would've mostly had a very poor/limiting lifestyle (which also inclined him to be more interested in Megatron's writings and eventually becoming a Decepticon). Creativity isn't running well at the moment, but probably something like waste management (like being a garbage man) or some sort of manual hauling job, although Damus appears to have just been a normal 4-wheeled car alt-mode so I'm not sure he could've/would've gotten hired for heavy manual labor stuff. Perhaps he could've been a courier like Bumblebee was pre-war?

That also begs the question of how Damus compensated for his disability. Maybe to handle electronics, he could do so as long as he wore really thick gloves or something? Probably he'd also take advantage of stuff like voice commands/text to speech on electronic devices, so I imagine Damus' life wasn't completely devoid of any technology whatsoever. Do you think he'd be able to cook food on a stove top as long as he used a pair of tongs to grab it? I bet Damus had to get really good at improvising disability aids and getting basic life functions done without touching things directly with his hands, so maybe he was a bit of a tinkerer back then as well. And now I'm imagining Damus' home being full of elaborate Rube Goldberg machines that do very basic things like turn the stove to a specific temperature and turn it off after a set interval of time klsdalfjkdls

[veliseraptor]

March Reading Recap

Juliet: The Life and Afterlives of Shakespeare's First Tragic Heroine by Sophie Duncan. I actually really liked this one! It was an interesting look at several different lenses that have been used over time to look at Juliet (specifically Juliet, not the play), including the relationship between fascism and Juliet in Verona, Italy and the development of West Side Story (didn't know Juliet was Jewish in an early version). I enjoy sort of niche/specific books focusing on a very particular subject, and this book scratched that itch well.

The Brilliant Abyss: Exploring the Majestic Hidden Life of the Deep Ocean, and the Looming Threat That Imperils It by Helen Scales. I read this book too soon after The Underworld by Susan Casey which, while not necessarily a better book, covered a lot of the same terrain. The trouble with a keen interest in a niche topic is, I suppose, that the books on it can start to get repetitive sometimes. It was still good, though, and this one focused a bit less on the history of human exploration than Casey did and a bit more on the ecosystems themselves, which I did welcome.

Blood of the Chosen and Emperor of Ruin by Django Wexler. The second and third books in the series that started with Ashes of the Sun - both continued the trend of "I don't know that I'd call these particularly good works of literature but they were very enjoyable and propulsive." The second book was stronger than the third - I ended up feeling like the conclusion of the trilogy was weaker and a little rushed, but I still enjoyed the experience as a whole and would offer at least a tentative, general recommendation of the series for those looking for a fantasy series that's not particularly innovative or serious but is an exciting ride.

The First Sister by Linden A. Lewis. This book reminded me a little bit of Such Desperate Glory but wasn't quite as well done, I don't think. The back compared it to Mass Effect but I don't really see that as a reasonable comparison. Possibly one of my favorite things about it was the cover design, which fucks. I still liked it, though, and I'm going to read the sequel.

The Great White Bard: How to Love Shakespeare While Talking About Race by Farah Karim-Cooper. Sometimes when I read things I feel like a snot because I go "this is interesting information but the writing feels a little amateurish" and that was my situation with this book. It was good analysis and interesting to read, though sometimes the "and this is how this is modern-ly relevant! q-anon mention" felt a little bit...ehhh, unnecessary, but the writing itself was...yeah. It felt amateurish. Which might just be a result of the book itself being targeted at a particular audience that's less academically-minded than I am, that's certainly possible, but it did affect my enjoyment of the book.

Last Days by Adam Nevill. Mostly this was good spooky fun, though it lost me with the "the ultimate bad guy is an overweight bisexual actor with AIDS" (it's a little more complicated than that, but not enough). Too bad, because conceptually and in terms of imagery it could've been very good. Between this and my last Nevill, I might have to give future books a pass. My search for horror that isn't playing on bigoted tropes apparently continues, since I'm on a bit of a streak there with this and Ring.

China: A History by John Keay. I'd call this one a solid overview despite the choice to use "bureaux" for the plural. However, I'm taking a lot of it with a grain of salt since as far as I can tell he didn't use many or possibly any Chinese secondary sources, and relied primarily for quotations/analysis on English secondary sources. I would've liked to see more of a balance. Still, as far as background information and a general broad history goes, it feels like it was worth reading for me to get a little more background/grounding in history I don't have a lot of familiarity with. (Also, holy shit did Ken Liu crib hard on Liu Bang and Xiang Yu for The Grace of Kings and now I know that.)

Remnants of Filth: vol. 3 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. I continue to really enjoy this book and this volume might be my favorite yet - the flashbacks were satisfying to fill in some of the gaps in mysteries as yet unrevealed, and having Gu Mang fully "back" (more or less) is a fun development that is already having consequences changing the dynamic between him and Mo Xi in delightfully angsty ways. Of the cnovels I'm currently in the middle of this one is close to LHJC as far as my favorite.

Starter Villain by John Scalzi. This one is what I think people would call a "romp" which is all well and good and I probably should've known what I was getting into, but I think I am just not much of a "romp" reader. It was fun, I guess? But I don't know that I felt like it was good, and I'm probably not going to go around recommending it. My first Scalzi, and I don't know if that's typical of him, but I probably won't be in a hurry to pick up another one anytime soon.

Invisible Planets: Contemporary Chinese Science Fiction in Translation ed./trans. by Ken Liu. Short story collections are really hit and miss for me, but this was actually a collection that was pretty hit all the way through! Very interesting stories, a couple I'm still thinking about. I'm looking forward to reading my other collection of short stories in translation, which includes some fantasy - some of these actually felt somewhere between fantasy and science fiction in a very interesting way that I liked.

--

phew. I read a lot last month! Currently I'm reading Medea by Eilish Quin (we'll see how that goes); I have on my docket The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler (recommended to me) and I think I might reread She Who Became the Sun so I can read He Who Drowned the World. I've been on more of a fiction than a nonfiction kick of late, but I am eyeing Islands of Abandonment by Cal Flyn and might make that part of my rotation. we shall see!

[kyouka-supremacy]

Atsushi for the ask game.

ATSUSHI HERE WE GO THANK YOU FOR HEARING MY PRAYERS

Favorite thing about them: HIS SELFISHNESS. It's so so delicious to explore. Can you imagine a protagonist that saves others not out of simple good will, but because of egoistic self-preservation motives? It just feels counterintuitive for me lmao, and I found it quite messed up when I first watched the anime, but now it's so compelling to explore. His whole “everything I do is in order to gain the right to live” is crazy fashinating. Because lol, that's entirely nonsensical to me! There's no such thing as “gaining the right to live”; all humans, every person in the world is inherently deserving of life. All. No exception. So there's no level of “weak” or “worthless” that would make you lose that right. The fact that's it's a vision so distant and absurd from mine, idk, it just makes it very compelling to explore? “What if there was a little fucked up guy who believed the right to live had to be earned” just sounds like a very interesting premise.

Least favorite thing about them: When I first watched the anime, I think I found him low-key annoying? I just... Don't do very well with self-deprecating people and people who complain a lot in general, I usually suffer in silence and tend to (wrongly) assume others should do the same (this probably makes me sound pretty mean, I swear I try to be understanding irl). However, it doesn't bother me as much anymore, I simply think it's more of a distinctive trait of the character that makes him multilayered and unique. As of now, I can't think of anything I don't like about him if not the fact that I wish he'd rely on Dazai and others in general a little less. I know that has to do with his lack of self-worth, so maybe it makes sense,, but as of now he feels kind of stuck. I just wish we'd see him grow more on that front.

Favorite line:

There may be better ones, but I really like the delivery of this one.

brOTP: KYOUKA AND ATSUSHI they make me go insane. Already talked about this in the Kyouka post but just to reiterate: in my headcanon Kyouka really is the only person Atsushi feels genuine, selfless affection towards. It's very sweet. They're siblings. Kyouka's happiness is really important for Atsushi. They really do have that feeling of people who got out of an abusive environment learning what normality is supposed to be like together. I also really like how they compensate for what the other lacks, be it decisiveness and coolhead for Atsushi and empathy and positivity for Kyouka. Although plenty shipping them romantically, I really like platonic sskk and atsulucy as well.

OTP: I really like sskk eheh. I think they're neat. There's a thousand and one reasons why I find them pretty great. They're objectively the only reason why I got invested in bsd as well as the only thing that has me keep up with the franchise to this day. Right now, I feel like the one thing I really appreciate about them is how you can be the worst person in the universe and still somehow be loveable to someone. I think it's sweet. I also find it very fun and enterataining to explore their various soulmatism antics. They're both very complex and multilayered characters with something deeply wrong with how their minds work that makes them very fun to analyze both by their own and in the complexity of their relationship. Their collective story arc and canon relationship progression is extremely engaging and nice to follow, too. I love dazatsu and atsulucy as well!! Both were ships I wasn't particularly invested when I read the manga for the first time, but really grew in me in the last six months or so. I really dig akuatsulucy as well!!

nOTP: Nothing?

Random headcanon: He really likes reading. There's some real meta-analysis to be made here I actually had written this is probably not the right place to talk about, but in a work that's all about literature, he's the character who reads.

Unpopular opinion: He's the hardest character to write / characterize. That's why people should probably go easier on other fans when they mischaracterize him. He's just very multifaceted and genuinely hard to get. I keep seeing people being like “Stop babyfying Atsushi he's an independent adult!!” then turn around to say “he can't be shipped with Dazai because there's too much unbalance of power :// [somewhat implying Atsushi can't make free decisions for himself]”, or “Stop making of Atsushi a soft baby who never did wrong in his life!!!” then turn around to say “Atsushi is the happy puppy of the agency who gets treats and pats from everyone ^^ ” like. At least to me, a lot of people's arguments sound self-contradictory all the time; but that doesn't mean people should stop having fun and characterize the characters as they like! Just, let's stop being mean to each other and try to be a little more accepting towards others' takes, shall we? And yes that also includes letting people find Atsushi annoying if they find him annoying (although like, I've NEVER found anyone call Atsushi annoying ever, so really, what remote fandom spaces is everyone visiting? Why are you looking for clothes (good takes) at the soup store (Tik/tok I assume?) ).

Song i associate with them: Common World Domination by Pinocchio-P, HIBANA by DECO*27, Ghost Rule by DECO*27, so on and so forth.

Favorite picture of them:

Favourite panel from the manga:

Favourite illustration: Look, there's too many beautiful illustrations, I can't chose. Here's a very good one though.

Favourite illustration in the anime art style:

But also:

Favourite Mayoi card:

Send me a character?

[uyuforu]

Can you give more details on his Venus Libra, please? As in...is there any other placements in the chart that support "weak" placements (particularly in his chart and in general is it a thing)? Idk how to ask it correctly.

I mean, isn't it quite torturing for a person to live like that and never been satisfied with the partners and kinda not being able to fall in love with an actual person?

If not the placements how a person can fix it? Is it about shadow work/maturing or anything like that? Or it's written in the core of a person?

It's interesting because my Venus is in Gemini and all this relationship thing is kinda too...real and boring? Not a dreamy romantic thoughtful novel as I always portrayed it, duh 🤪

Jungkook's Natal Chart: Libra Venus in 9H, 17°

-> Hello! Thank you for your request! To be honest, I wasn't supposed to do this one lol but I'm currently in a café so I don't have my tarots with me lmao and I hate to draw cards in public. So I will do the Venus analysis of Jungkook in his Natal Chart! Hope you enjoyed :)

Venus in the Chart represents how you love, what you are attracted to and how you feel loved. This is a good placement to look at to know more about your love style and mostly also any red flags you could attract or even be! It makes you more aware of yourself.

Venus in Libra

-> Okay, so. Venus in Libra is a tricky placement to me. First, it just screams romance. Rom com love like. These people are just so so so romantic, you never saw that. But it's not like dramatic love, it's really poetry like love. These people, when in love, give the world to their partner. Libra is still an air sign, so they value freedom too. But their hopelessness has a bad side. First it can make them struggle to find love, as they wish to. They can expect too much, and be disappointed, and feel like they will never find what they are looking for. These people need to not mistake the imaginary with reality. So these people can go in many relationships, or more kind of situations hips. They can also date but find it hard to fall in love, because they really are waiting for "the one". They can also enjoy flirting, these natives can have periods in life when they just want to have fun. They are so charismatic and flirt like nobody lmao. Also, sometimes their kindness can be mistaken for flirting. They may always feel like someone have a crush on them? Or they really enjoy to have people falling for them, they enjoy seeing they affect people. They take good care of themselves, they love to look good and have compliments. Some people could see it as shallow, but they are really nice people. They hate injustice, and hate mean people. They need equality, fairness, kindness, non judgmental people to feel good in a relationship. Basically, a Libra Venus will provide you equality, gentleness, allegiance. But they require devotion, traditional romance, companionship. If you are not romantic, it's a no. If you don't love them enough, it's a no. But once they are happy and feel loved in their relationship, they are just such a cute partner! The kind of partner to just give you all their love, and I noticed these people have all the 5 love languages lol! And they truly believe love always win. They want someone they can show their flaws to and they will gladly accept yours in return. Also! Funny thing but people with Venus signs (Taurus & Libra) in Venus have a wonderful voice most of the times and it's easy for them to write beautiful things (so songs and stories for example). I know JK talked about how he thinks he is not good at it but I'm sure he has good potential! (Still with you for ex).

Venus in 9H

-> The 9H is represented by Sagittarius. For keywords, it has travel, wisdom, philosophy, religion, cross-cultures, foreign countries, learnings, etc. THIS is the placement I saw first that actually told me something: Jungkook doesn't care much about where is partner can come from. Let me explain. The Korean society is pretty strict on this, because of the fact their parents sometimes want to keep the bloodline pure, or it can also be them, language barrier, culture barrier, all of these things are factors on why Koreans (most of them, not all) have a problem about marrying or even dating foreigners. But it feels like Jungkook doesn't care much? She is a foreigner? She doesn't look like everyone else? They don't share same religion? If he is in love, he truly doesn't care. He may actually enjoy dating someone different from him, so even someone who is not famous or does a different job than him, he likes it. He is curious and enjoy the differences. He may love also someone smart who has a lot of knowledges, that it's school wise or even life's philosophy wise. JK has so much admiration for RM for example, I wouldn't be shocked if it would be the same for his partner. Her having a brain is super important. He also want adventures, a spontaneous person and someone he can teach stuff, but also someone who can teach him things. Someone who loves to travel is a good thing also. He needs someone happy, chill, who will make him less anxious. And to be honest, this placement makes me feel like someone spiritual would do him so good. And he way be interested in this because of this placement! This placement (Venus Libra 9H) is what makes me think of why he could have tried fwb and ons, this placement makes him want to experience things in life. He just want to learn, to see, to discover all possibilities, but without any judgments. It makes JK very independent when it comes to relationships. He loves his so and I'm sure he is the clingy type of bf sometimes (I'll explain in the degree part hehe), but when it comes to him as a person, he needs freedom. He needs freedom for work, for hobbies, for his friends, for his family but also himself. If he can't find it, he will either become distant or just break up lmao. This placement makes him more into marrying with a spiritual person.

17°

-> The 17° is a Leo degree! It represents attention, fame, light, children, creativity, self-expression, entertainment, strength, hair, etc. So, he may like people who have beautiful hair, or hair could just be a thing he likes, like people who take care of their hair. And with the Libra Venus, I feel like just taking care of themselves is a thing for him. Love can make him much more creative. And so dating someone who share the same interest in creativity and art is important to him. Someone strong or who appear confident. Someone who is fun, a sun in the room, or just someone he can admire, like "she shines so naturally", "wow she is so pretty", or "she is so talented I love it". Admiration seems to be a big part here for Jungkook. Also dating a celebrity doesn't seem a problem for him? Or becoming a famous couple? He doesn't care much if people don't invade their privacy too much. He doesn't care if he can control what you have access to.

Thank you for reading!

back to index ; ask ; requests ; rules

[codthefishgod]

Analysis post for episode 78 of Faroff, AKA Stars: Part 3

Split below for spoilers!

Oh my god oh my god oh my god GUYS. THIS EPISODE WAS EVERYTHING.

Let's start from the beginning. First off, the way Fenn reacted to Tobias--to what Tobias said, and him placing his hand over his--is already huge for him. This is the first time he hasn't freaked out and gotten angry, or tried to run away. This is the first time that he's allowed himself to just...Enjoy Tobias being affectionate towards him.

Not only that, 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦. He didn't pull his hand away from Tobias', and he agreed to another dance. So not only did he allow himself to accept the affection, he's also allowing himself to reciprocate it, to a degree. It's incredible for him.

Of course, he could retreat back into his shell at any time, so I won't say this is definitely here to stay, but either way it's certainly promising. It shows that they're both truly becoming comfortable with one another. Fenn seems to be getting to that point where "he's the enemy" isn't the first thing he thinks of whenever Tobias tries to initiate something. It's insane how far he's come, when you look back.

Next up, I absolutely adore that Tobias immediately offered Fenn a way out the second he saw Fenn might be uncomfortable. Obviously that's the bare minimum, but unfortunately we live in a world where even the bare minimum is rare, so I feel the need to compliment it.

Tobias knows that Fenn is brainwashed. He knows he might think he doesn't want something that he does actually want. Tobias himself is lonely and pretty badly love starved. But still, even if Fenn only THINKS he doesn't want to dance with him, that's enough of a reason to stop. He wouldn't push it any further. He's flirty and always trying to make moves, but he never crosses boundaries. Again, bare minimum, but I just adore healthy communication.

In any case, it makes the fact that Fenn said 𝘯𝘰, it's okay, go on... All the better. He knows he doesn't have to. No one's making him. It's 100% voluntary. He WANTS to dance with Tobi. Again, it shows Fenn's character development, the fact that he's willing to make that active decision to let it continue, to keep being close with Tobias. He's only teaching you after all... Right? 👀

Following that... Ah, well back to the unserious stuff. The way Fenn stepped back at first is hilarious to me, he looks like a crab--still getting the hang of not losing his shit every time Tobias touches him, I suppose. And Miss Sofia Mittens is watching from afar... Probably thinking about how her mission is completed, yes?

Okay, if I can take this in a more genuine manner though, Tobias understood why Fenn was having trouble relaxing. Of course he did, that's why he told him to pretend as if they weren't from their respective countries, like they weren't on opposite sides. What I find interesting is Fenn's reaction. How willing he was to accept it, no rejections. Back in the day, Fenn would have NEVER entertained the idea of "forgetting" that Tobias is a Vaylinian, even less so the idea of "forgetting" that he himself is a Sonan. This is one of a handful of times where Fenn put Tobias above his duties, his patriotism. Where he decided he was more important. Which, considering Fenn's duties have been his main purpose in life for years, is huge.

Yet another Never Before Seen Thing™ from Fenn this episode was how close he was willing to go to Tobias' face to see the birthmarks under his eye. I don't have much to say about it, no special insights or anything, but it's still notable progress. I don't think Fenn has ever leaned up all close to Tobias like that before.

Tobias' attitude towards the birthmarks though... I'm not saying this particular brand of self loathing can't be natural, it absolutely can, but... I'm willing to bet some pretty hard cash that Tobias wasn't the one who hated them originally, it was his mom. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows, I AM rather biased, considering I hate Vivienne with every flaming bone in my body, but I'll have my suspicions.

Next up, is, of course...

Possibly my favourite line ever uttered in the history of Faroff...

NOTHING. ABOUT. YOU. IS. UGLY.

I should probably say something smart about how this shows Fenn being more open about his feelings with Tobias and all, but to be honest, this panel scrambles my brain in the best way possible. IT'S JUST SO GOOD.

Tobias looking so astounded at this could be, of course, just be him being surprised by Fenn complimenting him in such a way. I'm not going to say it's anything more than that for sure. However, I think it could also partially be the fact that I don't think he's ever heard anything like that from 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦, full stop. Something that said 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦. I don't think he's ever known anyone who was willing to accept him in his entirety like that, besides maybe Alice...

Another thing about this scene is Fenn initiating contact by touching Tobias' face. Fenn very rarely ever initiates contact, even more rarely than he accepts it, I'd say. Just. I know I keep saying this but CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT‼️

Of course, it didn't last long, it must've been approximately five seconds before he lost his nerve... Which brings me to my next point. The way Fenn said "for a MAN" reminds me of how he said "for a VAYLINIAN" back in episode 44. In general, the way he said it reminds me of his usage of Vaylinian. It makes me wonder that if now that he's starting to see Tobias as his own person and not an enemy, his main obstacle will shift from their status as enemies to the fact that Tobias is another man. I think that them being from opposite sides will stay a major problem, don't get me wrong, I only wonder if this might become the more pressing problem for him when it comes to actually pursuing a relationship with Tobias. We'll have to wait and see.

GOD I want to gush about Tobias putting Fenn's hand back on his face too sjwjwjwkekek IT SHOULD BE BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS TO THEM THAT THEY LIKE EACH OTHER NOW, RIGHT? A pretty good part of me still thinks it's too early for them to be together, it's only been a month after all, but the other part of me wonders what type of mental gymnastics they'd have to do to ignore this night. Again, just wait and see...

FINALLY, THAT GOD DAMNED RADIO INTERRUPTING THEM. Before we take it out back and blow it up for crimes against the fandom, let's talk. I think this news could be very important. I don't know if it'll be "removed from the wall" important, considering I still think we have some unfinished business at the wall that should be closed up before beginning the next arc, but important. It's very possible that it'll bring Fenn back to his Sonan™ mindset... I wonder if typical battles are enough to make "Breaking News" on the radio anymore. It has been several decades, after all... Ah, well. I don't know. I'd tell you my theories for what the news might be, but I really don't have any. Or, I do, but all of them sound either too extreme or not extreme enough. I'm losing my touch, lmao.

Thanks for reading!

[ficticiousdelicious]

Facts and opinions about Bazz-B and Haschwalth's fighting prowess. (partial analysis)

We talkin' fights and Auswählen in here. (yep, spoilers below)

(some facts and some opinions)

Is it just me or does the fact that Auswählen went off before Bazz and Haschwalth's fight not get mentioned enough when discussing how mighty Haschwalth actually is (and how much of a match Bazz was for Haschwalth)? This seems like a big deal to consider.

Auswählen, activated by Yhwach, sucked the power and life out of a ton of quincies (including Bazz) and killed most of them in both manga (603, 604) and anime (TYBW 25). Both ways, it is described as giving those it benefits additional power with the ability to revive them too. The quincies who are victims were shown in both versions to have lost their Vollständig, many died outright and those who survived have physical injuries if directly struck by Auswählen.

How do quincies survive Auswählen?

According to Kubo in Klub Outside (Q&A no. 689) (and some explanation in TYBW anime episode 40?), most of the reason quincies can survive Auswählen is by being young and healthy as Auswählen's selection prioritizes taking power and life from older and weak quincies. (seems reiryoku related) The 'power' Auswählen claims seems like reishi but it's more than that. Mayuri actually supposes its power taken directly from the victims' souls (anime - TYBW 25). Yhwach's background (manga 565) gives more lore for this. Also the other way quincies survive Auswählen is by being special mysterious buttons (Uryu). lol

What did Auswählen do for Haschwalth?

In the manga (603 and 604) Auswählen was activated from inside Hikifune's cage. Haschwalth wasn't shown fighting and was not definitively shown to be benefiting from Auswählen, but he was with Yhwach and the Schutzstaffel invading the Royal Palace's landing. After the Schutzstaffel got spanked by Squad Zero, Auswählen was shown to have revived and perked up the Schutzstaffel (everyone but Askin was shown with wings).

In the anime (TYBW 25) Auswählen was activated outside of Hikifune's cage. After collecting power it gathers the power together then falls down in a large area like blue rain. Haschwalth had been cut down by Tenjiro while using his shield and sword to fight. The Schutzstaffel got spanked by Squad Zero. Auswählen was shown to have revived and perked up not only the Schutzstaffel but also Haschwalth and Uryu (they stood up in frame together). The Schutzstaffel all had their Vollständig activated as a result too.

What did Auswählen do to Bazz-B?

In the manga (585, 586, 587) Bazz is using Vollständig to fight with, inconsistently depicted. In the anime (TYBW 21, 22, 24) Bazz is using Vollständig to fight as well but with more consistent depiction. Later, in both manga (603, 604) and anime (TYBW 25), Bazz was hit directly by Auswählen (bright columns of light that fell down from the sky seeming to target quincies) and survived but in future events he only uses his Schrift 'The Heat' and his Heilig Bogen to fight. He doesn't appear to have the ability to use Vollständig again. Bazz also sustained physical injuries from the Auswählen, as seen on him after being hit and as noted by Haschwalth (manga - 630; anime - TYBW 38).

Why the heck does all this matter?

Auswählen affects a quincy's power (how much power they have [in their soul?]). It also seems to affect their physical health. Both of these are huge factors in a fight. Wearing down an opponent's ability to fight is a pretty big deal - often the goal to win a fight. That's made easier if your opponent walks up already worn down... I hope it's obvious what I'm getting at.

How much of a match was Bazz for Haschwalth?

Before Auswählen, Bazz certainly stood more of a chance against Haschwalth. After? We've read/seen the outcome. Bazz lost. However beautifully tragic their fight was it is NOT a good benchmark for measuring Bazz's actual strength nor Haschwalth's. Here's why: They were both affected by a serious outside event (Auswählen) that changed one if not both of their power levels. In the manga (630) and anime (TYBW 38) Haschwalth takes note of Bazz's injuries from Auswählen still being present, so we can safely assume Bazz has not recovered. Bazz is also not seen using Vollständig in either version. No matter what Bazz wasn't fresh. Answering whether Yhwach's Auswählen benefited Haschwalth before his fight with Bazz is a mess, manga and anime conflict with the manga being unclear (yikes). However when Bazz approaches Haschwalth to fight we don't see injuries on Haschwalth and he wasn't shown doing much before so it's pretty safe to assume he's rather fresh and possibly juiced up from Auswählen. Haschwalth does not seem to use his Schrift nor his spirit weapon (shield) to fight Bazz, just his sword. It's a little weird that Haschwalth beat a guy with fire and multiple kinds of ranged attacks by swinging a sword at opportune moments without getting very hurt. Was Haschwalth using some form reishi in his blood to make his sword attacks extra effective??? We don't get told enough about Haschwalth to know for sure. Then again...Bazz doesn't seem to have a lot of defensive abilities, which means he's more prone to injuries. I guess Bazz couldn't use Blut Vene; I don't think we ever see him do that.

If you want my least biased opinion on whether Bazz was a match for Haschwalth sans Auswählen: yeah sure, Bazz could have been a match for Haschwalth but he lacks defense. Bazz's versatile and ranged abilities are effective, and if he could figure out Haschwalth's Balance I think Bazz could put up a great fight. That's a big if though. Haschwalth's Balance is a difficult power to deal with and if handled wrong by the opponent it's absolutely deadly. I do wonder if Haschwalth would ever use his extra abilities against Bazz though.

Other Ways to Gauge Bazz and Haschwalth's Might:

A better way to gauge Bazz's power might be by his battle with Hitsugaya and Matsumoto (manga 547 - 551; anime - TYBW 15), however we don't get to see his Vollständig there. This fight is before Auswählen went off. Without Auswählen Haschwalth certainly knows his way around a sword, having a shield for defense is great if you use it and his Schrift is a nasty surprise for opponents...but there didn't seem to be many fights that feel complete enough to truly gauge him well. His fight with Bazz (manga 630 - 634; anime - TYBW 38) seems like the most complete one. I wouldn't say Haschwalth's fight with Uryu helps much because too many times we don't see the results of attacks as the panels cut to other events.

Concluding Thoughts

As you can see from all these words, deciding how mighty Haschwalth really is and how Bazz matches up to him is kind of a mess. Auswählen's use is so important to remember when thinking about these things because of how much it does. Bazz I think is easier to gauge because he has complete fights before Auswählen; the dude's agile, versatile and decently strong but his defensives are like...non-existent. Haschwalth seems to have more defensive use than offensive, yet I want to say he's a terrifying swordsman but I hesitate because most of the proof I'm looking at comes after Auswählen went off - he still does seem great with a sword. So, it's all very interesting but it's really a mess.

[overleftdown]

4th and final part to my farleigh analysis. most of this one is just ranting, since all of these scenes are fairly self-explanatory. i am plagued by thoughts and emotions.

[1:12:45] farleigh: i wouldn't do this! elsbeth: james is very upset. farleigh: you know that i... why would i do this!? elsbeth: i don't know! farleigh: i swear to god, this has to be a- elsbeth: enough! farleigh: there must be some kind of mistake, here.

oliver really did hit farleigh where it hurts, i suppose. farleigh remains committedly in control of himself; he knows when and where to say something, how carefully he needs to act in saltburn. he toes a line, but he somehow manages to stay on the right side of the cattons' affection. this, however, was a breach of that line. oliver attacked the cattons' trust in farleigh, in their confidence of his ability to remain compelling and non-threatening. maybe oliver was expecting this particular offense to be the end of their good graces towards farleigh, although it clearly wasn't.

[1:37:17] felix: i mean, the idiot! he had to have known that dad went to school with the chairman. venetia: i mean, talk about biting the hand. and mum and dad would give him anything he asked for. felix: yeah, well. obviously, he got sick of asking. venetia: that's ridiculous. he's more spoilt than we are. felix: i mean, come on vee, you have to admit. it's a little bit dark, him having to go to mum and dad with a beginning bowl. venetia: oh, boo-fucking-hoo. felix: already yes, fine, it was incredibly fucking stupid.

again, the irony of this situation is that farleigh really would never do this. it's interesting, how nobody questions it.

i also think it's important that venetia assumes the money would be for farleigh himself, and felix neglects to correct her. the conversation he references by specifically saying "begging bowl" had everything to do with farleigh's mother. the lack of familial privilege farleigh has is, also, a supposed racial bias. felix also neglects to mention this. the idea that farleigh could be implicitly discriminated against within saltburn is so deeply uncomfortable, so offensive, that felix can't even mention it as an objective discussion he had with farleigh. that's not surprising, though.

[1:25:30] oliver: have they seen you, yet? farleigh: not yet. oliver: yeah, they'll go ballistic. farleigh: i doubt it. they invited me. oliver: ohhh. farleigh: mmm... mmm. god, the look on your face. oliver: they can't have invited you. farleigh: oh, oliver. you'll never catch on. this place? you know, it's not for you. it is a fucking dream. it's an anecdote you'll bore your fat kids with for christmas. olivers once in a lifetime, handjob on a hay bale, golden big boy summer! and you'll cling onto it, and comb over it, and jerk off to it, and wonder how you could ever... ever, ever, ever get it back. but you don't get it back. because your summer's over. and so you... oh... you catch a train to whatever creepy doll factory they make olivers in. and i come back here. this isn't a dream to me. it's my house. so whatever happens, i always come back. try harder next time, baby.

god, this monologue. so much for me to chat about.

"this place? you know, it's not for you." farleigh has this obsession with the fact that oliver is an outsider. it's intentional, it's instinctive, because farleigh is an outsider all the same. it's strange, though, because this is still farleigh's family. this is his aunt, his uncle, his cousins, and the house he's lived in for at least a couple years. he shouldn't, reasonably, be an outsider. yet, he's treated as one. something kills me about how hard farleigh is fighting for a place to belong. and sure, the money, the lavish lifestyle, it's all great. i don't disagree that farleigh is motivated by the fact that he's never experienced the life of lesser wealth that he fears so much. but there's also so much love for felix and venetia and i'm sure, for elsbeth and james.

this makes the final portion of farleigh's monologue so relevant. this is that kind of foreshadowing where a character implies a happy ending before receiving the opposite of that. farleigh says "this isn't a dream to me. it's my house. so whatever, happens, i always come back." and he... doesn't! he does not come back, at least at the invitation of elsbeth or james. this was a dream for him, too. oliver just had to prove it, how easy it is to destroy everything farleigh has worked for since arriving at saltburn. the pocket in time that farleigh runs to when he doesn't want to go back to america and his mom.

[1:35:58] (they find felix's body, in the maze). farleigh and venetia destroy me, in this scene. the way farleigh reaches for her hand and pulls her into him. at 1:36:56, he pulls her into him again. they cling onto each other. sometimes i think about how much farleigh must have loved them and grieved them alone. how in the world do you cope with that?

[1:37:12] (pre-curtains closing) it's the way farleigh glances to felix's empty chair. it's the way that, even now, it's farleigh sitting next to felix's ghost. and he's trying his hardest, in this moment, to be very english about his emotions. great effort.

[1:39:28] farleigh: oh, my god. may i be excused, please? james: no. we haven't finished lunch. farleigh: the lunch is cold! what, you want me to just eat it like nothing's happening? elsbeth: what else is there to do, darling? farleigh: anything! anything! james: farleigh! will you be quiet!? sit down and eat the bloody pie! just eat it! eat it and shut up! eat the bloody pie! you're not the only person here with feelings. none of us wants your bloody american feelings.

i don't know if there's any singificance to this, but the same moment that farleigh cracks is the same moment that the footman behind him cracks.

of course, english repression vs american... normal...ness. "none of us wants your bloody american feelings" is, again, such a strong indication of how differrent farleigh is. he's family, yes. but he's different for a multitude of reasons. i also find it heartbreaking, how elsbeth speaks to him in this scene. she is visibly trying so hard to keep herself together and maintain a calmness while speaking to him. i really do wonder how close they were.

[1:40:10] farleigh: what the fuck are you still doing here? what, does no one else find it weird? no one else finds that weird? oliver: i wouldn't throw stones if i were you, farleigh. farleigh: excuse me? venetia: please, stop. james: what is he saying? farleigh: i, i have no idea. oliver: what i'm saying is, i would feel guilty, too. farleigh: guilty? oliver: if i was the one racking up lines on the night that someone died. farleigh: fuck you. oliver: that's not a denial. james: is that true? search farleigh's room. farleigh: no- james: get out. farleigh: no, wait- elsbeth: what's happening? farleigh: aunt elsbeth? elsbeth? james: don't you dare look at her. get out. i won't mention to this to the police, but that's all you'll get. nothing more, ever again.

and here is all it took to ruin farleigh. archie's acting in this scene is so potent it's kind of vomit inducing. the way he fidgets with his sleeves, the way he flinches and his lip quivers. farleigh is buried in a sweater. now, more than anywhere else, he looks so young.

for the first time in this movie, farleigh refers to elsbeth as his aunt. gah. not that elsbeth seems any more motherly than what i imagine farleigh's own mother to be, but goodness, he's begging for affection. i realize there's not much else to say about this scene other than how heartbreaking it is. i'm basically writing this post for my own self benefit; i gotta rant somehow! i wonder if farleigh did feel guilty for his actions that night. if he regrets sticking to his own agenda, avoiding felix and the rest of his family like the plague. if he regrets the competitive nature of it all; how quickly his need to be accepted took precedent over the genuine connection he had with felix. there's something so hopeless about learning how to lie.

i think, out of all the cattons, farleigh understood how much it all mattered. the money, the ease of summer, the companionship during school. just like oliver, he knew how to work, in his own way. farleigh knew what it felt like to be loved and ignored by the cattons, and by his own family in america. rararararararara.

[magicalara]

Red Thoughts

Aka a blob of my biggest thoughts on Madam Red and Grelle because there were and always will be the best ship in Black Butler. This is dedicated to @pop-roxs both as an apology and because I was supposed to do a redcliffe analysis anyways and then things happened so yeah. This is for you Water, you absolute cool legend

Enjoy everyone!

Grelle Sutcliff and Angelina Dalles were never meant to love each other. In every lifetime, in every iteration, in every timeline- these two were never meant to be. Controversial, I know, but let me explain.

When we're introduced to Madam Red and Grelle in the red butler arc, they're the eccentric aunt and useless butler, nothing more, nothing less. As time goes on, we learn more about Ann and her life that she believes was taken away from her. We learn about her affection for Ciel and how, as much as she wants to love him for being the family she has and the last part of her sister that's left, all that she can feel is resentment as he also represents the life that she never got due to her sister marrying the love of her life. The main takeaways from Grelle before her transforming into the reaper we now know and love is that she's just a useless butler. She's meant to take the most unassuming role she can in order for her and Ann's murder time to go off without a hitch. That's literally it.

Then they get found out by Ciel and Sebastian and all of the backstory starts to fall into place.

Ann is grieving; she never stopped, even three years after the back to back death of her baby, her husband, and her sister and her family. When her baby and husband died, she didn't allow herself to grieve as she should have. And just when she might have gotten to a place where she could physically start to pick herself back up, the world that didn't seem like it could get any bleaker went pitch black with the fire at the Phantomhive manor. Overnight, Ann lost her sister, the love of her life, and her nephews to boot. She could barely stand to lose her baby and husband, how was she supposed to recover from this?

Her resent grew and grew until, as we know, Ann started killing. She was Madam Red, doctor and social figure, during the day and a murderer, one who wanted to take from others what the world had taken from her, by night. It's only natural that someone who wouldn't- practically couldn't- allow herself to properly feel be able to be manipulated so easily. There were sharks in the water, and her blood was the easiest to detect.

In comes the shark, Grelle Sutcliff: grim reaper obviously not happy with the person they are and has no idea how to compensate for that without making it their whole personality. Grelle says that she felt for Ann, missing the piece that would make her a true woman in the eyes of the world just as she was. Grelle claimed she saw a piece of herself in Madam Red and wanted to help her, intrigue taking over and ending with her abandoning the dispatch for years and breaking the rules of her organization. I'm not saying that she lied, but that's exactly what I'm saying.

Grelle was already unstable, Ann's similar state of unstableness just made it all the more useful when it came to using her. Grelle probably felt alive with Ann, in either a platonic or romantic sense. With this mortal, she didn't have to worry about the weight of a life. The only list was those who threw away the link between the Rippers, not one full of boring collections bound by rules and regulations. Sure, she had to trade her blood red hair in for a more human look, but Ann wouldn't leave her; she needed Grelle just as much as Grelle needed her.

All of this to get to the point that they used each other. That's all that it was meant to be. The universe never meant for them to fall in love, it meant for them to slowly kill each other until someone fell; the ironic part is that they did fall, just in a different way. Grelle fell first, and Madam Red fell harder. Them falling in love wasn't meant to happen, but they did, and what would be a more ultimate punishment than forcing you to kill your loved one?

It was a game that the two played- who would kill the other first. It was inevitable that Grelle kill Ann because (besides the obvious immortality reason) Grelle threw Ann off the deep end. They enabled each other's rage and, while Grelle would be able to rehabilitate to some degree, Ann would never be able to. Ann's fire never burned out, rather, it raged on, and continues to rage on in Ciel and Grelle. Ciel still remembers the hesitation of his aunt and as much as the brat may want to say that he didn't care about her, he very much did so. He regrets her death, even if he knows it was always going to happen. Ciel carries the weight of Ann's life in his heart, and will continue to do so until he either frees himself of his revenge or dies (this is part of the reason why I want Madam Red to come back as a bizarre doll, I want to see this child suffer), but I digress. Grelle carries Ann with her, physically, with her coat and, emotionally, by doing the one thing Ann never could: moving on.

They lived and worked with each other for three years. Ann and Grelle enabled each other's rage for three years. Ann died filled with that rage. Grelle killed her as an impulse through that rage. Grelle thought about that rage while she was locked up and let it pass through. Grelle moved on from the rage that Ann passed away holding on to. She keeps the coat as a reminder to not succumb to the rage again, lest she lose another person who understood her.

Is this a mess and this last part probably doesn't make sense? Yes. Regardless, my point is that Ann and Grelle enabled each other and it's because of this that they never were meant to fall in love to begin with. The universe played a cruel trick on them and, in the end, Grelle was able to feel the weight of a life, choosing to continue to carry that weight with her as a reminder of what it feels like. This relationship is vast and complex and one day I will conquer it and reach the peak of the mountain. Unfortunately, it is 10 PM and I have work tomorrow, so today is not that day. Until next time, my friends, this has been another one of Em's analyses.