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blxckdamask · 5 years ago

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Trashcan’s Fic Rec: July ‘19

i know this is really late but i was busy so i couldnt really get this done. an yway,,, yall know the drill by now,, this has a bunch of bnha (mostly bkdk) and some rairpairs aswell as some drarry, odaat and b99.

BNHA Fics:

{bakudeku}

When Izuku's insecurities about his scarred body hit him full throttle, Katsuki is there to show Izuku just how beautiful scars can be.

Katsuki's reflection above the sink stared back. Eyes still drowsy with a hint of a shadow beneath them. Hair more of a mess than he would prefer, but he was plenty awake now.

All because of Deku.

Katsuki reflects at 4 am.

Pride has always had a special place in Midoriya Izuku's heart.

"I trusted you and you had me murdered!” Midoriya wailed, anguished. Bakugou twitched focusing on the spell that made him capture Midoriya's soul.

“Shut up! You got yourself killed!”

“I didn't! You said you had my back and I thought you had it! But you didn't! Kacchan! My body!” Midoriya cried as he watched Bakugou lug his limp body through the forest.

This is what happens when Bakugou tries to become best friends with Midoriya again.

Katsuki doesn't know what's wrong with Izuku. Is he mad? What is he mad about? What did Katsuki do!? All he knows is that he can't let Izuku break up with him. Not while they're still keeping their relationship a secret.

Izuku forces Katsuki to apologize for everything he's ever done to hurt him.

Bakugou and Midoriya have been best friends since... well, since either of them could remember. But both harbor unspoken feelings for the other, will this be an end to their friendship?

Izuku, a dog hybrid, has lived with his owner Toshinori, a retired hybrid psychologist, his whole life. He takes on some of the shelter’s most difficult cases as fosters, and so Izuku has learned to be the best foster-mate possible for scared and abused hybrids. At first, Katsuki, a cat hybrid who’s been kept in a tiny apartment nearly his whole life, seems just like any of the other awful cases they’ve seen, but somehow, Izuku and him grow a lot closer than usual over the course of his stay. Eventually, the question becomes: could he stay forever?

“Izuku knows what the Hanahaki does. He knows what his options are, and sure, they aren’t great. In fact, they’re pretty horrible. The list is short and daunting. There are still flower petals on his pillow."

In which Izuku has Hanahaki Disease, and Katsuki's furious.

And you're crushing on him, and he's just so cute, and the baby's cute, and what's a guy to do, anyway?

Ever since they were little, Izuku and Katsuki’s families have had family dinners. It’s just them and their parents, and that’s fine. Until more people get dragged in. (And try to set Izuku and Katsuki up.)

for twinstars week day four - family

{todobaku}

It started from a normal evening to a small argument that made them go on vacation that made Katsuki realize that he wanted something more from Shouto.

Bakugou, Denki, Midoriya, Momo and Todoroki all end up in a McDonald's one early morning. A suggestion of a movie and a credit card reveal later and the teens are off to spend the day together.

They all know that it's Todoroki's father's credit card, but none of them care.

Bakugo and Todoroki both find themselves living together with disabilities, helping each other get by. In doing so, they fall in love.

{rairpairs & other ships}

“You haven’t changed at all, have ya?” he observed, pinching her cheek affectionately.

Ochako batted his hand away from her cheeks for the second time that morning, wondering if he had a thing for them. “That doesn’t even make any sense, Bakugou. I’m from the past. Of course I haven’t changed.”

“Makes perfect sense,” Bakugou countered, closing his teeth around a bite of eggs. “You were doing this same shit yesterday morning.”

My entry for the day 2 prompt of Kacchako week: otherworldly.

Bakugou watches with something akin to affection when Shinsou starts playing with his dog until she jumps all around him and is barking excitedly. He has never seen the both of them so content before. The Sergeant is always so concentrated at College grounds, either that or she’s calm but still looking out for him. Bakugou has seen them during lectures, at lunch at their usual table, during their ways to Bakugou’s dorm and to Shinsou’s apartment off campus, he has seen them through their late-night-skyping sessions and in countless pictures on Sergeant Barkowitz’ Instagram. He has seen their best but not their worst, and that makes Bakugou wonder if he’ll ever be such a great companion to Shinsou like the Sergeant is.

"Shouta could have never imagined reaching this point in his life. He honestly expected to die at some point when he was younger, alone somewhere in an alleyway, killed in action during his hero work maybe."

Instead he's in a warm hospital bed and surrounded by some of the people he cares most about.

Shinsou Hitoshi had never had a family before, and he refuses to screw it up. But when a villain attacks him and his new little sister, he may have lost the only family he's ever had.

Bakugou never wanted to be mated. Especially not to a villain but it didn't look like he had any choice in the matter. The only question now was: will he ever escape?

OR,

The author loves Bakugou and loves to make him suffer so Dabi kidnaps him and forces our favourite blasty boy to become his mate. It goes from bad to good to bad and back to good.

While working together as pro heroes, Iida, Bakugou and Todoroki are taken captive. The situation is strange: none of their Quirks work, and they aren’t tortured or killed – in fact, they never see their captors. There is nothing to do but wait.

Things are tense between the three of them, but Iida finds the situation bringing him closer to Bakugou than he thought possible. But who knows how this will change things between when they get out…

Quirk: Infatuation - The user of this quirk affects two people by touching them at the same time, they then fall into a state of infatuation with each other; they could be affected by this for up to a week.

Iida and Bakugou get affected by an infatuation quirk that makes them be sweet to each other. So sweet, that it could give you cavities. Warning: This story will contain an excessive amount of pet names, hence the title.

Other Fandoms Fics:

Recently married, Harry and Draco are tasked with raising a four-year old Teddy, whose emerging gender identity brings up an array of questions, fears, and revelations for them when they realise that Teddy might be transgender.

When Draco learns he's pregnant again, he blames his husband. Harry, however, couldn't be happier.

Jake dated two guys in college, but doesn't realise until he introduces one of them to Amy.

The family learns a secret about Schneider

alex said the far scarier sentence that at the same time was more comforting than anything the teenager had ever heard before. “she,” alex mumbled under his- no, her- breath, voice beginning to choke up, “was sitting on her bed, in her room. her,” he- she, she- sighed and spoke just a little louder, just a little surer. “her name is alex, and she’s a girl.” alex smiled to herself, so small it was probably barely considered one. she didn’t care; she finally felt whole.

or: in another world, elena isn't the only alvarez daughter (but it takes alex some time to figure that out)

#monthly fic rec #fic rec #bnha #bkdk #tdbk #kacchako #bakushin #bakuiida #bakudabi #erasermic #Harry Potter #drarry #odaat #b99 #peraltiago

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toooldforgermany · 5 years ago

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Mun & Muse Comparison

💊 M U N | I N F O R M A T I O N ✿❧

Name: hannah. Nicknames: i used to be called duck, but i actually hate that nickname now. it’s associated with bad times. Wishlist Nickname: god??? an honest nickname for me??? not until i get a true fucking friend, jesus christ. Height: 5’ 4″, though my back is pretty bad. so it’s probably somewhat shorter, due to my lack of activity. Eye Color: hazel. Hair Color: deep red. Ethnicity: caucasion. Lives in: illinois, usa. Relationship Status: i’ve given up with love, to be honest. nobody really loves someone like me. Character(s) Most Identifies with: arthur ernst hastings of we happy few. i used to identify with a handful of others, but no fictional character can compare to arthur hastings. Hobbies: gaming, role playing, singing, analyzing the fuck out of characters / lore. Special talent(s): my honest, as trashy and cliche as that sounds? i can be brutally honest to the point of a nasty truth. but to me, that’s more important than the smallest lie. if you won’t take that though, i think my ability to break down a character is pretty fucking cool -- not many people can do it as deep as i can, i think. Warning/disclaimer: pretty fucking suicidal, ngl. can get emotional, and can say things that sound nasty, but aren’t really meaning to be nasty. defensive to a near oppressive extent. i also have a tendency to not really... understand jokes. Struggling With: so much shit that it’s not funny. my family, my guardians, my job, my cat’s death, trying to be happy, loneliness, and just -- not wanting to commit suicide? like i know i’m saying it so casually but i’m just??? being honest.

💊 M U S E | I N F O R M A T I O N ✿❧

Name: arthur ernst hastings. Nicknames: artie, “friend of miss boyle’s” (from ploughboys), “victoria’s pet” (from clive), “young / lil’ artie” (from ollie starkey), “king of the parade” (from headboys), “that downer” (wellington wells dur. game) . Wishlist Nickname: something sweet and touching from a romantic other. Height: 6′ 1″, but known to slouch from a bad back due to sitting most of the day whilst on joy. so he’s probably taller when standing up straight. Eye Color: dark green / caramel brown. Hair Color: dark brown / black. Ethnicity: caucasion. Lives in: apple holm, wellington wells (pre-game), wellington under (during-game), mainland / wellington wells (post-game, verse-dependent) Relationship Status: arthur is single, and though he would love a partner, he’s been disappointed enough that he doesn’t think he can ever find one. and that doesn’t really bother him. he is however, on the lookout, if such a romance occurs. Special talent(s): researching, writing, comprehension, the media / journalism, poetry. Warning/disclaimer: a very emotional / tempermental man that can say things that sound nasty that he doesn’t mean. also quite defensive at the smallest of insults, so long as he thinks they’re not really granted, if that makes sense. Struggling With: trying to figure out his mistakes and where everything went wrong. he has been lying to himself for so long about everything because he wanted to run away. and now it’s all tossed back at him and now he’s so lonely because of it, which is what he’s been trying to avoid.

FOUR DISTINCT SIMILARITIES :

emotional outbursts -- though arthur can’t control them as well as i can, him and i both follow our emotions regardless of what’s going on. they can even change the course of our day, even if we didn’t want it to. sometimes, it can even change our course of action.

loneliness -- we have difficult times keeping people close to us and though arthur can somewhat understand why, he doesn’t really know how to fix it. and neither do i. we both just... are, and we just don’t understand what we can do to change. we want to have friends, but they either leave so quick or betray us in the end that it’s difficult to trust easily.

defensive -- both of us can take things the wrong way REALLY, REALLY quickly. doesn’t really matter what it is. if we assume one thing, we often stick to it until we’re both proven otherwise.

loyalty -- though it takes forever for him and i to trust easily, when we do, it’s super hard to break us apart. to an extent that it’s almost obsessive. arthur gets insanely jealous, and though i do somewhat, we both act out on it because of loyalty. we will stand up for the people we love and defend them regardless. no matter what happens.

FOUR DISTINCT DIFFERENCES :

arthur’s quite the jokester -- cracking jokes at even the worst of times, the man really finds his way with words in sarcasm. i’m not so good with jokes, and most of the time they fly over my head. to me, a joke can lead me to that same defensiveness i was talking about earlier. whilst arthur can easily detect a joke if the mood comes off right.

arthur’s a runner -- he tends to hide from his mistakes for a long time because he doesn’t want to deal with the crippling sadness that comes with them. not to mention he can lie about them if an opportunity for happiness arises. he’s gotten tremendously better about it, but if some mistake happens because of him, catch him hiding away for a long time. i however, like to tell the truth and own-up to my mistakes. the punishment isn’t so bad that way.

arthur’s courageous -- though as a kid he lacked the bravery to leave his own house, he gained it when thinking about his brother. as he got older, he grew thicker skin. i however, am afraid of a lot of things. if i was in his position, i probably would have just lived with the consequences of wellington wells, as sad as that sounds.

arthur’s petty -- he will get back at people. i used to do this too, until i realized how much vagueblogging hurts. but he tends to sabotage people who piss him off / sabotage him. for example, he wants to wreck clive’s work ethic by wrongly publishing articles in his redactor. he also got a coworker fired for copying his entire article. which is good beause plagairism is bad, but he did it with a smug smile and an angry glare.

#; | 💊 I'M NOT LIKE THESE WASTRELS . . . ( musings ) ✿❧#; | 💊 MIND YOUR TEA ; NOTHING TO SEE ! ( ooc ) ✿❧#; | 💊 IT'S TIME FOR . . . ' I HEAR YOU . ' ( memes ) ✿❧#( it's actually two of them combined! )#( but the top half is what i was looking for originally )#( along with the IN CONCLUSION part )#( GOD GUYS PLE ASE I 'VE BEEN L OOKING FOR THIS FORE VER )#( PLE AS E LIKE IT )

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justsomethingtoventon · 8 years ago

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Everything I felt when I went on a break with my bf

25/2 So I've downloaded tinder as you advised me too and ngl there's guys I'd swipe right for but I can't bring myself to do it like I don't want them to talk to me I don't want them to see me, what did that say about me then?? When 5 months ago I'd be all over this?? Spoke a lot to Elsa last night and she was so nice, gave really good advice and stuff and she thinks we'll be fine and so do I tbh it's just you now I think. I'm terrified you're gonna come back and call it quits but I'm gonna have to respect it. I get that we needed this, you more so than me but did it have to be now I can't concentrate on anything I really don't think this is enough to break us, I don't think that I would have entered into this without seeing a future that's longer than 5 months. I get we've been arguing but it's absolutely something we can get through if we both try to make changes. We need a really long discussion, a pros and cons list and a conclusion be both agree on. Otherwise that's it. I get summer will be very hard but I wouldn't break up with you just because there'd be long periods when we wouldn't see each other like I'd make such an effort to come see you and I'd like to think you'd do the same. This whole thing is horrible and I just want it to be over, I want you to fight for this bc although we have shit times I don't want to give up the good ones and I can't be the only one to do it because i can't put myself through it. I'm so conflicted with how to feel like I know it hasn't even been a day but it's constantly on my mind, obviously, so I'm not sure whether to understand, accept and move on or be like no. I have no idea what you're going to say when you get back bc you may claim the balls in my court but it's all you rn. So I think I'm just gonna prepare for the worst and start to let you go bc I'm gonna be selfish and say it's the easiest way to deal. I really don't know if I'm just being over dramatic about all this like you might just come home and be really chill about everything, I'm just not coping well at all. I love you so much, I'm really not ready for this to end. I don't want it back to how it was anymore, I was far too mean and closed off, I want to be able to express myself a lot better with you, before I was scared of opening up and getting hurt but now I'm starting to get that if I don't open up more it will end and me expressing myself better will make us better. I want what we have now without as much fighting. I want to relearn how to be independent from you but still being able to lean on you if I need you and I think you've nailed it but I'm getting there which is why I've had a problem these past few weeks. I want to learn how to sleep next to you and still have a good night sleep and vice versa. I get that you telling will and putting it n your chat that we broke up was you trying to justify why you did it but that really really hurt me and that'll take a while to get over. Also if you do decide to stay w me I'm going to be extremely insecure about everything for a while it's part of a deep seated need for constant validation and not to be hurt so you will have to decide if you can cope with this. By this I mean you'll just have to tell me how you're feeling for a while and I'll do the same until I'm (and you) are solid in us again. Tinders got me fucked up. I won't talk to anyone but I forgot how funny it is to swipe on people. I miss you I just want you to walk into the kitchen and tell me I'm stupid for looking at other guys bc I have you and you're all I want. Dw tho I swipe left on most I miss you I can't watch films and stuff where they kiss now it makes me too sad. I miss you so much. I don't want anyone else I just want you, talking to the girls tonight's made me realise I really don't want anyone else, you're exactly what I want and need right now I love you so much. I know we don't sleep very well together but going to bed with you is one of my fave things and rn I miss you more than ever. Also it was v awkward with will he was like 'you need to get under someone to get over someone' we both looked at each other and I was like hopefully not and he looked confused so I'm rolling with that. Otherwise it's been a really nice evening we watched a horror film with joe and will and it was okay, like I missed you but uni is okay without you I just want you back to make it 10x better, is that wrong of me??? I miss sex with you. I know you probs don't and that's fine but like I miss how close we were and the cuddles after. I miss kissing you and touching you. I just wanna lie in bed with you and kiss you for hours bc it makes me feel so good inside. Then I want to have sex so slowly and I can wrap myself around you and not let go. I miss you so much. This is gonna break me if you don't want me anymore. I'm so sorry when you read this, hopefully I'll chill out with all the paras during the week. I love you. Legit I'm so desperate to call you right now I need to hear if you're okay and this wait is killing me, I really don't know if I can handle missing and wanting you so much if you're not even thinking about me. If you read this and it provokes no emotions please put me out of my misery and leave me so I can get over it in my own way. I really need to start preparing for the worst like it's time I understood that maybe you can't deal with this anymore and I need to get used to the idea. I love you so much and if it means letting you go then I'll have to deal. 26/2: how have you managed to become the last thing I think about before bed and the first thing when I wake up?? I'm so scared you'll pull someone. It's that fear you're now unattached and you'll want someone new and better and I can't blame you. I miss everything about you and I hate that I can't let you know. I hate that I don't know how you're feeling and if I can help you it's heart breaking, bc the last thing I want is for you to be hurting. Tbh you might be absolutely fine, therefore if so ignore this bit. Is it weird I generally don't miss you too much when you're gone but like as soon as I see you it's like I can't describe. But now all I want is for you to walk through my door, get straight into bed and tell me you love me????? This is so therapeutic writing everything I feel down like why haven't I done this before??? I'm starting to think tho might not actually show you this, or at least rethink the timings, bc I don't think I could show you how embarrassingly needy I've been and then you split up with me. We'll see I've got ages to think about it. Blocked you on sc, I didn't like the anticipation of tapping through in case you've put one on. Like u know I'm defo overreacting here but idk I guess I'm just trying to get more space even though I don't want it?? I miss you. The uncertainty of what's gonna happen when we see each other again is not v nice, I think that's what's got me so fucked up bc I legit have no idea how it's gonna go down so I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst and it's a bit shit tbh. Defo gonna edit this down before you read this I'm such a clingy lil bitch. I'd fucking love some sort of sign that you're thinking of us, like right now that would ease this process so much, because I laid myself bare for you and you left so that's got my head fucked right up. I get that it's what you need and stuff but I don't know if you've stopped and thought what I need, you know I'll give you as much space as possible but a simple text at any point during this break would be enough. I'll never ask for it though I couldn't go against your wishes so I'm just going to have to wait. I miss you so much. I've got so insecure with us recently I just feel like your hearts not in it anymore, like you don't love me and that's why I think when you come home you'll be like nah bc what's the point putting up with a moody, irritating idiot if you don't love them. This is breaking my heart I need clarification of your feelings it's killing me. Everyone I speak to says well defo get back together like everyone here, everyone back home but it's so hard to think like that, get my hopes up for them to be completely crushed if you decide nah. I love you so much, I miss you like crazy. Getting over you is gonna be so difficult I hope I don't have to do it but if I do let's make this as easy as possible please. Sundays are for cuddles and I'm getting none I'm really missing you rn. Why am I glued to my phone waiting for you to text me when I know you aren't. Why am I waiting for you to walk through the door. I really want to talk to you like so much right now, I want nothing more than you to reach out to me. The worst is that I know you won't because you don't want to, you need space and I'll give it to you but I'm losing my head here. I've gone to message you so many times this past hour I really need to know how you are and what you're thinking. This is getting very hard right now I need you. Nah nah nah no fucking way are you reading this now, this is just for me. You'll do exactly what I hoped you wouldn't do and throw my feelings back in my face won't you. I think it's time I took a step back, a proper one and stop thinking about you. I hate how you make me feel. I hate that I'm doing exactly what you wanted and opening myself up more and you're fucking me off. Nah I'm over this for now. Come Monday I'm not thinking about you at all. I'm so angry at you, how dare you assume how I'm feeling, how dare you just tell me to be 'better than this' this is what you wanted and now you've got it YOU DONT FUCKING WANT IT. I'm so fed up I loved you so much and u defo don't want me anymore, so fuck you and fuck off. You've broken my heart and I hope you're happy. How can you hurt me so much but I still want to be with you. I still want everything that I told you to get you back after you broke up with me. I want everything with you even though you drive me up the fucking wall. It's because I love you so much and the only reason I'll put up with your shit is because I love you this much and if you don't feel the same don't you dare lead me on. I love you so much and I really don't want to lose you. As embarrassing as this is it's me watching ppl on Netflix being in love that's got me idk wishing I could turn around and just look at you, smile and kiss you. You know what tonight has tested me, you upset me and implied that you don't care which meant I've collected all your stuff ready for when you end it. But now I've calmed down I've reverted to desperately wishing that when you come home you'll still want and love me so I'm a little conflicted now. The one solid decision I have made is that you'll defo read this, whatever I write I'll send to you bc it's stuff i should be saying to your face rn and it just feels right. 27/2: So today feels different like I'm still thinking about you lots but I feel less emotional about it. Idk why maybe I've got over the first hurdle of the weekend and now it's like a new week and idk I just feel more chill about the situation. I'm starting to come to terms with the idea you are going to break up with me but I'm still, however much in vain, hoping you still want to give this a go. I know it's completely your decision and I won't object to what you decide and I would love to fight for you, believe me I would, I'm 100% not ready to give up on you. But I don't think I can, like i know myself and I know that I can't fight for someone who's broke up with my twice. Therefore I will accept what you decide, I'm just praying that you pick to keep me. I've been speaking to Lorna a lot about this, she's been surprisingly helpful about everything, usually she's no good with boy stuff, but I guess she knows me so that's pretty good. She's told me to make sure you know that as per usual I'm lashing out because I'm hurt, she said that you might not see that and I should tell you. I do hope you know me well enough that I lash out against you bc I'm really hurting, it must be very hard to take and I'm so sorry, my actions can be inexcusable sometimes and I hate myself but I just want you to know it isn't because I resent you for leaving or anything it's just hard to deal with. I am trying to change I promise but it will take time but I am so willing to fix this. She also says you might be feeling guilty? I know that's probs not true and you'll interpret my actions as blaming you for all of this and taking no responsibility and all that. So just know anything I say that's mean and stuff it is bc I'm hurting so much so please don't take it to heart (which is obviously so much easier said than done). If it helps I love you so much and I really am just lashing out bc I'm terrified that you're done with me. I'm missing you so much right now. My module leaders emailed me about attendance and I'm looking at getting rid of my implant and things are just getting a bit much. Obviously you'll see this as a 'I'm affecting your education and your life so we should break up' but actually it's more to do with me and how I haven't been myself so I don't want you to use this as an excuse to break up with me or an excuse to stay with me. I want you to stay with me because you want to and not for any other reason. I miss you and I don't know if you miss me and it's killing me. I woke up so good this morning as well but I'm regressing. Can Thursday just come now so I can be put out my misery, I just miss you so much. I do think you're gonna end it tho. There's been a lot of clues recently and I've defo picked up on them, so I am preparing for the worst. But I'm still praying that this break sorts your head out and we come back more solid than ever. I just love you so much and I don't want to let you go. If we do stay together this process of writing down my feelings is helping so much like rereading what I've already felt/ said is really so useful I'll use it to try and communicate better with you. Like not always but through times like this it has helped organise my thoughts and allowed me to just vent. And seriously I have no problem with you reading it as well because it's all the stuff I should be open with you about so I feel positive I can make a good change (if we stay together that is). Maybe because it's half way through and I've been without you for the same amount of time I have to wait to find out (potentially get you back). It's just a lot harder today and I'm missing you a lot even though I woke up okay which is so annoying bc I want to be okay and do as you say and not think of you, which you're probs doing perfectly, but I'm so shit at. I suppose it is part of my personality to fixate on things I can't control so while it may be easy for you to not think about me, I can't do anything but think of u. I want absolutely nothing more right now than for you to be laid next to me with my head on your chest cuddling you, I really miss you. You have no idea how much I want to tell you I miss you right now like I'm thinking constantly of how I can indirect you without properly messaging you and that's so shit of me like you ask me for space and all I want to do is do the opposite. Don't worry tho I'm too scared of rejection to actually do it. Ooo I forgot, I deleted tinder btw the novelty of having it back died off v quickly and it just made me sad and I wasn't swiping right or talking to anyone so what was the point?? Something you said the other day has got me annoyed actually, when you said you wouldn't cook for me because you can't enjoy your own food bc you're wondering how the other person likes it? that's how I feel most times, I always give myself the shittier option so you eat better. So that wasn't great to hear, but still I wouldn't make you do something you wouldn't want to do. I can't wait to have you back. Could really do with a massive cuddle rn. Is it weird that I've only missed sex with you once? All I've wanted to do for the majority of the time is cuddle you, I just want to snuggle into you and just lie there completely content. That's what I miss the most, that and your cute smile you do when you tilt your head up and close your eyes. Oh my god this is so gay, can't wait to see you laughing your ass off reading this (or not depending when I send it u). I'm eating all the food btw but I'll give you money dw. I'm literally the biggest idiot sometimes like why do I torture myself by looking through old photos and screen shots of us??? I love you. I miss you. There's not much else to say now tbh like everyone I speak to is like aw just give him space, you won't break up over this and stuff and I so desperately want to believe them and be like yeah we'll be fine, but I'm scared of not preparing for the worst. You never know tho so can Thursday hurry up the anticipations killing me. I do love you and miss you like crazy. I'm so close to messaging you tho and I have to stop myself every time, like just a simple I miss you text but I have no idea how it would be received so I'm refraining. I think the worst would be if you weren't thinking of me, like if I sent you this and you couldn't relate at all that would break my heart but it's something I can't control so I'm trying not to let it get to me too much. I know you don't like sleeping with me but I miss spooning with you so much like all I want now is to turn over and cuddle you, you're a pain when you're actually asleep but just before is the best time, cuddling you is my fave and I miss it so much. One of my goals seriously is to learn how to peacefully sleep with you bc i love waking up with you. Legit so close to messaging you, still in a half mind to do it like I just need to tell you I miss you but I can't. It's late I should chill,or send it idk. I'm so not chill it's hilarious. Finally deleted it, you've asked for space and I can't be selfish even tho I really want to don't be a twat. You know what it's one o'clock in the morning I'm allowed a moment of weakness, fuck it, feel free to ignore. Shit shit shit shouldn't have done that. 28/2 should not have messaged you last night, just made me feel 10x worse because it's got to be over after that. Defo in self preservation mode now. You now what it's been a good run, I'll miss you like crazy but i respect that you're done. I'd love to say I'll fight again for you bc I love you so much but i can't. I'd fucking love it for you to just come home and say you'll work at it but let's be realistic now. This is breaking my heart and I don't want it to be over. You know what if you claim your feelings are the same as they were when you text me over Christmas then how can you not be willing to fight for us?? Because I am, I know I say I won't and I probably won't but I'm ready to make changes and work at this because yeah it's nice to say don't change for anyone but I want to get rid of the shitty parts of my personality for you because I really don't want to lose you. You make me so happy and I love you so much, like I've done so much for you that will seem normal to most but are fucking ground breaking for me like I told my friends we were having issues like straight into the group chat bc I know they'd all be there for me bc they know how much I love you which is v weird bc they've always seen me as someone who doesn't care. I not only told my parents about you, I introduced you to my whole family after only 3 months???? Like wtf that's how I know we'll go long term bc never in a million years would I have done that for someone I felt more casual about, I wouldn't even have told them about u. So please don't throw away what we have you mean too much to me. This is so hard, can't wait for this break to be over it's so shit not knowing where you stand. (Also done some thinking and identified the cause of my anxiety but it's not really relevant to this). I've been thinking you know when you broke up with me and you were shocked that I wouldn't be friends with you, does that mean you're starting to see me more as a mate, like you're not in love with me anymore?? You're ruining my fave songs u rat. But you can't cry to animals so I'm gonna use that. Why are u never here when I'm freezing??? There's so many things I want to tag u in this is like the start of us all over again except now there's way more things to relate to. I miss you so much honey, like a massive amount, I hope you miss me too tbh. I love you so much and no matter the outcome on Thursday I'll just be happy to see you even if it is only short lived. I actually thought I was having a good day, I haven't thought about you that much and got a lot of my essay done. But now it's got too much. I just miss you so much all I want is for you to walk through the door, grab me, kiss me and cuddle me. Like so much I really don't want you to end this like at all, I know you've had doubts but I don't have them and I really want to work through everything with you bc I love you so much. Legit missing you so much rn. Urgh I'm listening to 90s hits and reading things from my youth and I've got that horrible nostalgic feeling you know that makes you want to either reverse 5 yrs or die. Sorry this isn't really to do with u I just had to write it down, I'm a changed woman now, so open with my feelings ew. Is it bad I can't remember the last time we kissed. Did we when we got back together for like 2 secs? I can't remember and that's got me fucked up bc if you break up with me then I can't remember our last kiss. Wow that's upset me quite a bit. Is it bad a cute little text from you rn would make everything?? 1/3 miss you. As if you've text me so much today this is weird, where do we stand? Who knows??? Not really much to say today tbh, been sooo busy w netball and essays and games that you've kinda been pushed from my mind. I can't really describe how I felt when I saw your name come up on my phone, surprise is probs easiest. Then you spoke to me for ages which was so weird. Like i found myself smiling a lot, it was really nice. No idea how tmrws gonna go now, we'll see. Was a lil bit pissed off tho bc will played the 1975 and sexual and I asked him to turn it off and he refused like I asked a lot and not in a whinging voice like I'm v big on my song association so regardless to how I feel about you I just didn't want to listen to them. What a rat. 2/3

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