#it was way too dangerous to keep a bird that went for peoples eyes especially since I was around all the animals as a young kid

[foldingfittedsheets]

I'm sorry a TURKEY did WHAT to your mother's contact lens?? HOW??????

Right, yeah. So we had this turkey when I was growing up. And we raised this fucker from a tiny little baby, hand fed him, just doted on him. He was our first turkey ever. My mom called him Tom.

One day, she needed to work in a pasture so the flock of assorted fowl, (chickens, geese, and Tom) needed to be gently herded into an auxiliary pasture for the time being. The geese were biddable enough, the chickens ran ahead.

But Tom was not feeling it. He puffed up in irritation and my mom leaned down with her arms spread to usher Tom through the gate. Tom parked it. He turned to regard my mom with avian malice. And as she leaned down he shot out his horrible bald head and pecked her eye.

My mom screamed and fell backward, flailing enough that Tom fled through the gate anyway. When she recovered herself she came back inside, shaken and furious.

She checked out her eye and found it miraculously undamaged after the assault. It was like an hour later when she realized her contact lens was missing and the whole family speculated that it had saved her eye from Tom’s attack.

Tom did not live to see another sunrise.

[rahuratna]

Ikemen Kaisen

Chapter 2: Come into my Parlour

Cross posted!

Summary: A cursed spirit develops a massive crush on the 7:3 sorcerer while he's on a mission. Trapping him in its unique otome game domain, the spirit soon discovers that its bitten off a lot more than it can chew with this particular jujutsu sorcerer ...

Content: Humour, fluff, crack, otome game satire, Nanami has Rizz with a capital 'R', the first year trio obtaining front row seats to this absolute shitshow.

It had been there, for just a minute. Something tangible that had fled when he was frustratingly close. Nanami blew out a small, exasperated breath and continued his steady evaluation of the crowd before heading back up to the VIP box. Maybe a bird’s eye view might reveal something telling once again. The feeling of uneasiness did not leave him, though. If anything, the sensation of wrongness, of eyes with ill intent tracing over his form, grew stronger. Nanami had not reached the status of Grade 1 jujutsu sorcerer without listening to his instincts. Ignoring that inner voice was a surefire way to get killed in this profession.

Yuuji was now seated and making a show of wiping his brow and re-hydrating. The young sorcerer-in-training had done a commendable job of keeping track of the stage. He waved to Nanami when he caught sight of him.

“Nanamin! Do you want some candy floss?”

“I’ll pass, Yuuji. But you can hand over that soda.”

Sipping from the soggy paper straw, Nanami turned to observe their surroundings as Yuuji leant toward him and spoke in quieter tones.

“It’s not Ryo-ri. I’m sure of it. I watched him like a hawk the whole time he was up there. Especially when he called that girl on stage. There was nothing weird going on at all. The cursed energy spike was someone from the audience.”

“Someone or something.” Seeing Yuuji’s concerned look, Nanami shook his head. “If it was a person, I would have found them.”

“Wait, you’re saying it’s a cursed spirit?”

“Likely. The cursed energy was very subtle, definitely sensory in nature. It didn’t seem particularly strong, but raw strength is not always an indication of how dangerous something is.”

“It’s not? That’s not what Gojo-sensei said.”

“With all due respect, Gojo-sensei is the last person you should take your assessment of caution from. The entity, whatever it was, must have picked up that I was searching for it. There’s a level of awareness at work here that should always make one careful. “

Suitably chastised, Yuuji nodded. “Okay, okay, I get it. So what do we do now?”

“There’s something else I should mention too. Since I’ve been down there … I’ve been feeling a sensation of watchfulness. Of something waiting.”

The boy’s eyes widened slightly. “Is … is it …”

“Probably. But I can’t be certain. So, what do you think we should do, Yuuji?”

The boy sat up straighter, eyes taking in the crowd that was now thinning as people made their way back out of the venue.

“I wanted to say, maybe wait for everyone to leave and then search for cursed energy traces … “

“But?”

“But if you sensed something … waiting, then the girl who went on stage is priority, right? Even if we scared off whatever was here tonight, it might be waiting for an opportunity to strike. She could still be in danger.”

Nanami felt that small twinge of pride, yet again.

“Exactly so. She’s currently backstage, meeting with Takashima as part of her supposed package. We’ll place her under surveillance and won’t let her out of our sight until we’ve established that she is at no risk of being targeted.”

“But Nanamin … “ Yuuji still looked worried. “You said that the cursed spirit may be … aware. Intelligent, like those ones we met before. Won’t it just wait until it’s sure we’ve left and then go get her?”

“That’s correct, Yuuji. Which is why our surveillance isn’t just a means to keep her safe. We’re hoping that she baits the spirit out, somehow. The emotion this cursed entity may feed off is the heavy envy that was coming from the audience. That’s probably why it was difficult for us to identify. Spirits are harder to detect when in the overwhelming presence of the very emotions that birth them. Remember that. Away from the crowd, and with a single-minded purpose, it may be much easier for us to track and isolate.”

Yuuji nodded, eyes alight with renewed determination.

“Roger that!”

Nanami and Yuuji hung around the VIP box until the young woman who had been taken backstage to meet Ryo-ri exited. If they hadn’t been paying attention, she would have flown completely under their radar. The flowing, vivid green tresses had obviously been a wig, because her natural hair was short and dark. Her clothes had also disguised her athletic build. Yuuji put her down as a professional stage performer. She had a distinctly disgruntled look on her face, certainly a far cry from the tearful ecstasy she had shown during the concert earlier. Nanami rose, nonchalantly discarding the soda can and gestured to Yuuji to follow.

She was obviously in something of a hurry, her grumpy demeanour translating to a quick, impatient stride. They followed her at a safe distance, watching as she made her way through the conference centre main exit and out into the same street they had walked along earlier. After a short distance, she pulled her phone from her bag and began to text rather aggressively, then took a sharp turn and entered a Seven-Eleven nearby. Yuuji took initiative and popped into the store behind her. As he browsed the shelves, he glanced over her shoulder and saw that she was texting someone from her agency, judging from the symbol in the profile picture. He read the messages for as long as discretion was possible before moving past.

She’s pissed off because Ryo-ri didn’t even bother to meet her after the concert. And it sounds like she’s not too happy with the agency for the arrangement either.

Choosing a random packet of crisps off the shelf, Yuuji glanced out the window to where Nanami stood on the pavement a short distance away. The sorcerer was on a call and a deep frown was marring his brow. Once Yuuji was out in the street, Nanami turned to him with a displeased expression.

“Dang, what did Gojo-sensei do now?”

“How did you – never mind,” Nanami sighed heavily. “He’s received an urgent summons from Kyoto. He was supposed to be overseeing a training exercise for Fushiguro and Kugisaki. They’ll be joining us on our mission instead.”

“Oh! I mean, the more people, the better right? They’re both strong – wait. I see what this is,” Yuuji grinned. “He’s got you for babysitting duty.”

Nanami’s eyebrow twitched.

“I’m not denying that those two are capable students. They’ll be a help, no doubt. And as much as I prefer to keep to a specific course of action, I suppose this is unavoidable. Having said that, I can’t abandon our current target.”

The young woman they were tailing had now stepped out of the store and had resumed her walk. Yuuji nodded sharply.

“Understood, Nanamin. I’ll head to the station to pick up Kugisaki and Fushiguro.”

“You remember the tracking app we installed on our phones? I’m turning mine on right now. Use it to find my location once they’re with you.”

“Right!”

Now this. This was heavenly.

Fuck Ryo-ri. A sad, little boy like that, shaking his crotch at every other bitch on stage? What could he possibly offer? No, no, no. I won’t settle for that. How could I be so … blind. This. This is what it’s all about.

Now, just look. Here, in his natural habitat, we see an absolute S-tier, top class, prime specimen of a man. Look. Just look.

From the moment he turned to face me in the crowd, I knew. It must be fate. That chiselled face, that aristocratic nose, that firm mouth and that chin. Oh, that beautiful strong chin, just waiting for a feminine finger to trace its outline. Clean-shaven, too. Just imagine what he looks like, shaving in the morning. Standing at his sink in his vest and underwear, running the blade along his throat …

Oh my. I mustn’t get too excited, oh no. Earlier, I tried to measure how broad his shoulders are and I’m sure he sensed me. Heehee. Speaking of which … sigh. When he shrugged off that coat a short while ago …  

That. Ass.

Goddamn. Praise the celestial craftsman who moulded those exquisite cheeks. Wasn’t there a poem like that? Where did I hear it before? Strange. Something about ‘did he who make the lamb make thee?’ Oh! That poem.

Well, this tiger can bite me any old time. So tall, too. And his hair … like spun gold. So perfect. Look how it moves as he walks. It’s like every time he takes a step, the cherubs of the wind are blowing each strand gently back into place. This is … a real man. His essence is all man. The way he was taking charge of that pink-haired boy and looking after him too, ohhhh. Daddy material, absolutely so.   

And his walk! Ohhhhhh. His walk! So confident. I just know he’s big down th - wait. I mustn’t let my focus slip. This is it. This is what I’ve been waiting for. There’s no better opportunity than this! Now, where did I put that phone … here it is!

Oi, bitch, pick up.       

Once Yuuji had left, Nanami had resumed the surveillance on the young agency employee. She was certainly putting in the miles today and her path had taken her away from the main thoroughfares to a less populated area downtown. Here, there were no fancy coffee shops and brightly lit boutiques. Most of the stores didn’t even put out signs to advertise their wares. Many of them were situated on the bottom floor or basement level of run-down apartment blocks. Nanami noticed that the woman’s pace had slowed somewhat, and that she would sometimes check her phone before moving on.

Is she looking for directions? Where to?  

The agency she belonged to was nowhere in the vicinity and she looked like she was a little unfamiliar with this area, so she was definitely not going home.

Even though the evening was chilly, the coat Nanami wore was a little too heavy for such prolonged walking, so he shrugged it off and slung it over his arm. The moment he did, something began to feel … off. There it was again, that eerie sensation of being watched. Of alien eyes crawling over his form. Was the cursed spirit here already? That certainly hadn’t taken very long. He took a breath and relaxed his muscles, allowing his awareness to filter into his surroundings. It was something he had learned in his younger days as a sorcerer, this release of tension before expecting an attack. It helped one be more reactive to danger from any direction.

And then, the woman’s phone rang. She answered hastily, irritation colouring her tone. Nanami stepped into a narrow alleyway nearby, close enough to listen in.

“Hi, yes, it’s me. I’m … yes, I’m on my way. Excuse me, but are the directions you gave correct? It’s just, I’m somewhere downtown, and I don’t really know any reputable agencies in this area. No, no, I’m not … listen. Yes, I’m interested in the audition, but I – oh. Well, all right then, I’ll be there shortly.”

An audition? Here?

Nanami was instantly on high alert. Something was very wrong. Even if she was contacted for an audition, this area was not likely to house some kind of performance art studio. Furthermore, the disappearances of the other girls had been kept under wraps by law enforcement and their own agencies, to prevent public panic. So she wouldn’t be aware of the danger she was in.

She’s been lured here. But by whom? Is this really a cursed spirit? Is it advanced enough to put into motion a plan like this? That would make it –

Nanami had just managed to rip the blade from its holster underneath his sweater before the domain expansion engulfed him and the woman, a shockingly subtle rush of cursed energy that barely rippled the surface of reality. There was no mistaking what it was, however. If the spirit did not possess high levels of cursed energy, like he had deduced earlier, then maybe he could break through with sheer brute force. He raised his blade, energy flaring to life in powerful currents beneath his skin, bringing it down in a heavy, measured slash.

The borders of the domain rippled before annealing in softly glowing edges. Nanami dashed forward, skidding to a halt beside the unconscious form of the young performer. He took up a defensive stance, eyes narrowing as he took in their surroundings.

“Show yourself.”

The voice that answered was surprisingly young and girlish, a slight lisp accenting certain words.

“You want to see me?”

“This is your domain. You’ll have to show yourself sooner or later.”

“Welll … all right then. If you ask like that.”

A form stepped from the shadows. Shadows that had not been present a short while ago.

“Welcome. I – “

Before the spirit could finish its sentence, Nanami had swung his sword in a horizontal arc, slicing the apparition in two.

“Who do you think you’re dealing with? Show yourself. I won’t be fooled by illusions.”

There was a short period of silence. The fabricated walls of the domain around them began to shudder, changing form. Nanami frowned as he picked up the sensory feedback from all around him. As he thought, this spirit was certainly driven by strong, uncontrolled emotion. His attack had made it … happy? And why was the domain itself so resilient, considering that this spirit definitely did not have a great deal of raw cursed energy and power? Where was it drawing its strength from?

He pushed one foot out, nudging into the slumped form of the young woman lying on the ground beside him. He had to keep track of her if a fight was on the cards. Instantly, the emotions reflecting from the domain around him changed to something distinctly less … pleasant.

“What is she to you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“That girl. There, on the ground. What is she to you?”

“I’m not sure I understand your question. All you need to know is that I will not let any harm come to civilians.”

“Oho. So that’s it. You are indeed an … upright man.”

Nanami had encountered a great many cursed spirits in his time, but there was something about the sibilance of those last words that made his hair stand on end. The domain was rapidly changing now, in a twisting, disconcerting manner that was dizzying to watch.

“First, let’s take things to a more … intimate setting. This place feels so exposed.”

Gritting his teeth, Nanami felt his legs root themselves to the spot, entirely not within his control. Something large and dark was rushing toward him and he leaned back, flicking his sword out in a fine, controlled line along the wall of the alleyway behind him. It was all he had time for before weightlessness took his limbs and darkness claimed his mind.

“Guess I’m stuck with you two goons. As always.”

Nobara unwrapped a chocolate bar and took a large bite. Beside her, Megumi scowled.

“I’m the one who should be saying that.”

“I said it first, buttface.”

“Your maturity never fails to amaze me.”

Yuuji looked up from his phone and offered a warm grin.  

“Let’s hurry guys. Nanamin’s signal hasn’t moved for a while now, so he must be staking out already.”

Nobara sighed.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get this show on the road. But, hey! Why do you always get to go with Nanami-sensei? He’s so cool and responsible, unlike some teachers.”

They had already passed the Seven-Eleven where Nobara had purchased her chocolate for a quick snack. They were now making their way to the spot downtown where Nanami’s signal on the app blinked in stationary silence. Yuuji’s grin turned positively devilish as he turned to the brown-haired girl who strode quickly beside him.

“I mean, I didn’t choose Nanamin. Gojo-sensei assigned me to him. But yeah, going on missions with him definitely has its perks.”

He left the statement hanging, prompting Nobara to squint suspiciously at him.

“Eh? What kind of perks are we talking about?”

“You know the details of the mission right?”

Megumi frowned. “Of course we know. There’s some idol whose fans are disappearing. And the ones hired to get on stage with him are being targeted. What’s your point, Itadori?”

“Oh, just … I got to go to the concert and vibe for a bit. Nanamin got us VIP pass tickets, so we were up in the special box. And – “

“Now, just one minute,” Nobara’s expression had turned rather frightening. “You attended the actual concert?”

“Hell yeah. And I got lots of souvenirs and merch. Nanamin gave me an allowance, like always. I mean, it’s not like we were just having fun. I had to monitor Ryo-ri and talk to people. You know, network, just in case. For anything suspicious. Oh, and we went to Forty-two West – “

“The grill place?” Megumi interrupted, his own face morphing into something murderous. “The famous one that got all those five-star reviews?”

“Yeah! The same. Nanamin said we had to go because it gave us a good view of the stage set-up. But I’m not complaining. That trio of chocolate dessert was –“

Yuuji realised he had gone a step too far when his collar was roughly grabbed from both sides by his irate classmates. Nobara was fuming.

“You’re winin’ and dinin’ with Nanami-sensei while we’re trudging around the shittiest areas of Tokyo eating instant ramen that Gojo-sensei makes us buy ourselves?

“Even my shikigami get treated better.”

“Oi, oi, it’s not my fault Nanamin prefers the finer things – “

“Well then, I’m gonna put in a request for next time. I’ll make you stay with Gojo while Nanami-sensei takes me to the best nail salon and all those cute boutiques. And feeds me, too.”

“Now you’re making yourself sound like one of my shikigami.”

“Guys.”

The flat urgency in Yuuji’s tone brought them out of their small spat. They had arrived near the narrow alleyway where Nanami had encountered the cursed spirit earlier. Megumi and Nobara were instantly on alert, the traces of cursed energy subtle, but unmistakeable. And even if they hadn’t detected that, the phone with a shattered screen on the pavement was enough to give them pause. Yuuji gingerly picked it up, examining it from all angles. This definitely wasn’t Nanami’s phone. The small stickers looked familiar, though, and his eyes widened.

“This is that girl’s phone. The performer who went on stage with Ryo-ri!”

Megumi gritted his teeth. “So they were both attacked?”

“Looks like it.”

Nobara began to do a small circuit of the area, peering into the alley with close attention.

“Hey. Check this out.”

The two boys came to crouch beside her.

“What’s that?”

“This damage has traces of cursed energy, but I think it’s Nanami’s. Look at the marks here.”

Yuuji drew in a quick breath.

“The way those bottles and boxes are cut … “

“Yeah. They’re divided in a seven-three ratio. He’s letting us know he was still alive and maybe mobile when the curse took him.”

Megumi’s brow darkened.

“If this cursed spirit was powerful enough to capture Nanami, then shouldn’t we call for back-up?”

Yuuji stood abruptly.

“There’s no time. If we wait for back-up to arrive … I have no idea what could happen in the meantime. We’ve got to go in and do what we can. Isn’t that what sorcerers' have to do, even when they’re lacking in numbers and experience?”

Nobara nodded firmly. “For once, I agree with Itadori.”

Megumi sighed and straightened. “You’re right. But I think you’ve both missed something important.”

“Eh?”

“Itadori, how have you been tracking Nanami all this time?”

“What? By the app, obviously.”

“And you think a spirit or curse user, strong and smart enough to take them both, would just let you track Nanami’s phone?”

“Oh … “

Nobara hissed out a frustrated breath. “It wants to lure us in, huh?”

“If it knew Itadori was with Nanami, then that’s possible. I’m gonna send a message to Gojo just in case, and then we head in.”

This is so exciting! Now that the bitch is out of the way, I can focus on what’s important. That kid is on his way because of hot stuff’s phone tracker, but wait, wait … I didn’t expect two more to be with him. Hmmm. That’s fine. It makes no difference. Once they enter my domain, they’ll have no choice but to follow the rules. And maybe this handsome knight in shining armour will be more … receptive to my requests when they are present. Hahahahaha. How sweet it will be!

How sweet, yes, yes. Even sweeter? I get to finally see his eye colour when he wakes up! He was wearing those shades the whole time, but now … whoops! I’ve stolen them.

Hmm. Hmm. Oh, his hair! It’s so soft! I can’t … oh, this little undercut is so lovely. So cute. A jujutsu sorcerer, huh? Scarrrry. Hehe. But that wouldn’t make me change my mind at all. Oh no. It’s worth it. This power will be just what I need. He’ll be just what I need, forever and ever.

A powerful sorcerer like this … wait. Wait. Imagine what he’s built like? Oh, oh, he just gets even better. Imagine the definition he has under all that – he’s waking up! He’s opening his eyes! They’re … oh.

Oh.

Beautiful. Oh, wow. They’re upturned, just a little at the ends and, and, they’re hazel? Qwjecknblaargh …. Focus! He’s awake! I must not pass out from his magnetic stare. Breathe.

When Nanami came to, it was not in a setting he had expected. He was lying next to a lake, on a thick picnic blanket, a picturesque sunset adorning the horizon. He was instantly on high alert, reaching for his sword which, predictably, wasn’t there.

“Oh, come now. You won’t be needing that. I’m not going to harm you.”

That breathy, girlish voice sounded somewhere behind him and he spun around, bending his knees, muscles taut and ready to react. The cursed spirit had finally taken on a more tangible form. A woman’s form, quite short and delicately built, chestnut hair falling in long cascades on either side of its face. It wore a pastel pink shift dress and its feet were bare. The most telling features were the eyes. There were no eyes. Just a shadowed region, beneath straight brown bangs.

“What do you want?”

“Straight to the point, huh? All right then. I want you.”

Nanami, sensing no immediate violent intent, straightened, but kept his senses alert.

“If you mean my life, please don’t assume that it’ll come easily.”

The spirit giggled.

“You’re so silly! No, no. No, no, no, no. Not at all. This is my domain, as you can see.”

“I gathered that much. Where’s the woman from earlier? What have you done with her?”

There was a distinct pout on the spirit’s face. It sighed petulantly.

“I thought you might ask that. Here.”

It waved a hand and a small window appeared in mid-air. It expanded until the ‘room’ beyond became visible. The stage performer, still unconscious, reclined in a large chair in a dingy space with dust covers over the furniture and the blinds drawn.

“Go on. If you reach through, you can touch her. That way you’ll know I’m telling the truth.”

Stepping forward carefully, keeping the spirit in the periphery of his vision, Nanami placed his hand through the shimmering window. His fingers came into contact with the inert warmth of the girl’s wrist. There was a steady pulse there. He withdrew his hand and turned to the spirit.

“All right. I’ve confirmed that the civilian is safe. You can tell me right now what you plan to do.”

The spirit smiled coyly and brought something out of its ‘pocket’. It stroked a finger over the sleek, dark cover of Nanami’s phone.

“Ah, but it’s no fun if I don’t have help with my plans. So, I’ve managed to get a hold of this. Your dear little student and his friends are on their way to search for you. I’ve guided them helpfully into my domain. I think things will be more entertaining when they get here.”

Nanami gritted his teeth, but paused, choosing his words carefully. This spirit seemed to be fond of conversation. Maybe even willing to be distracted by it.

“The students have nothing to do with this. You said you wanted me. Well, here I am, and I’m certainly not going anywhere. I’m aware that domains like this one have rules. Why don’t you leave them out of it and enlighten me.”

The spirit gave another delighted laugh.

“Oh, you’re just … wonderful. As I thought. No, I won’t let them go. But I will tell you the rules. Such fun rules too! Maybe you’ll even learn to like them. I need you to play a game with me. Nothing violent, of course, or very physical. Well, maybe a little physical.” There was that spine-chilling giggle again. “Your students are even allowed to participate and help you along! Precious little helpers, just for you. The game is all about choices. I’m going to present you with scenarios, just some harmless make-belief, you understand? You have to play the role I choose for you, and then make the correct choices. Choosing options will eventually get you to the next scenario. And every correct choice gives me a massive energy boost. That is the nature of the game in my domain. But beware! Making the incorrect choices, or attempting violence against me, will alter the next scenario. If you keep making incorrect choices, you’ll end up with a bad ending. And a bad ending means …”

The spirit snapped its fingers and the window to the dark room beyond grew wider. Nanami clenched his fists. The girl from earlier was not the only occupant. At least five other dark shapes lay in various poses on the uncovered items of furniture around the room. The other abductees.

“They’re also under my control, you see. And for every bad ending you get, one of them goes poof! But don’t worry, I’m kind. I won’t harm your students in that way.”

Nanami turned slowly back to the spirit.

Kind?

As unfathomable as it sounded, there was a tone of sincerity, almost warmth, in the spirit’s voice. As if it really, really believed that killing others, but not Nanami’s students, was an act of kindness. As long as he had been in the business of exorcising spirits, Nanami had developed a certain instinct about how to deal with specific types of curses. A sort of unerring sixth sense about how to deal maximum damage when handling them; getting to the heart of their true nature through their weaknesses. Something, perhaps his own innate technique, was telling him that there was an exploitable crack in the armour here.

“I see. That is kind of you.”

The spirit immediately beamed, for all it didn’t have eyes to express emotion with. The dark window disappeared, and the sunset took on an even rosier hue.

“I knew you’d see things clearly!”

“Tell me more about this game. Most importantly, what happens when the game ends?”

“Don’t worry about the students. They’ll be safe and wake up somewhere. If you don’t get any bad endings, all the civilians will be returned safely too. But they won’t remember anything that happened to them.”

“And me?”

“I can’t tell you that yet. Will that be a problem?”

Nanami considered for a moment before shaking his head firmly.

“No. I don’t care much what happens to me. As long as you give me a binding vow, as we sorcerer’s call it, that you’ll let them go when the time comes.”

The spirit’s smile grew impossibly broad, and it let out a small, dreamy sigh.

“You’re … really something, Mister Sorcerer. Or should I say, Nanamin. I checked your student’s chat with you and that’s such a cute nickname!”

Nanami twitched slightly at the moniker, but did not react otherwise.

“Call me whatever you want. But please make that vow.”

“Of course! Anything for you.”

Stretching one hand out, the spirit waggled its fingers. Cautiously, Nanami held out his hand and they grasped each other by the wrist. The spirit was fully corporeal, at least in its domain, the flesh beneath his fingers firm and human-like. A shudder seemed to pass through the spirit as he made contact. They spoke the words of their contract and, within the confines of this domain, those terms were made binding. Nanami let go and stepped back.

“All right. Now will you give me some information as to the nature of these game scenarios?”  

“You mean you haven’t guessed already?”

“No, I’m quite at a loss as to what they could be.”

The spirit clapped its hands and laughed.

“Why, they’ll be romantic, of course!”

“… Romantic?”

“Yes! A truly tingling tale of true love and fated lovers. The universe may conspire mischievously to keep them apart, but their honest, raw emotions will prevail over all! At least, as long as you get the good ending.”

Nanami was silent for a bit. He seemed to be thinking deeply, but in reality, this information had completely thrown him. If he understood correctly, this spirit wanted him to perform some kind of … romantic roleplay with it? Had he been mistaken? He had been operating under the assumption that this spirit had be born of the envy and resentment felt by the idol’s audience, but what was this all about then? It couldn’t be. But then again, even the most experienced sorcerers had come up, eventually, against spirits that defied their existing knowledge and instincts. Taking a breath, Nanami looked up.

“Romantic scenarios. Understood. I’ll play my part accordingly.”

“Eh?” It was the spirit’s turn to be caught off guard. “You agree just like that? I thought you’d at least resist the idea.”

“I have no reason to. If the lives of civilians are at stake, then I, and my students, will perform whatever role you assign to us to the best of our ability.”

Nanami reached up and, in a controlled motion, smoothed back his hair. He lifted his sweater slightly and tugged on the empty harness for his blade, snapping it back into place before neatly rolling up his sleeves. He faced the spirit and folded his arms.

“I am ready for you.”

Something crimson and wet dripped from the spirit’s nose. It hurriedly mopped it up with the back of its wrist.

“Ah, er, well. Let me prepare a few things and I will … be back soon.”

The window behind it opened and it scurried through. Nanami raised an eyebrow.

Was that blush part of the act?

[kiwisfics]

Summary: Jealous Werewolf fluff. I will not apologize. Fluff.

A/N: I have... a lot of were-animal ocs so I think writing stuff like this is so fun. The parcel bomb reference is toward how Dick and S/O met in most of my Dick fics. Roy only got dragged into this because he was the first person that came to mind after Oliver. I might have started more WIPs instead of finishing old ones but... I went off the deep end with my Dick hyperfixation.

C/W: Jealousy, territorial and possessive Dick, but not necessarily in a toxic way. Protective Damian makes an appearance.

-

The pack tended to be closeknit. It was expected of packs, so the curiosity of a new person wearing the scent of the Waynes was fair. Even more so when the person wearing the scent was a human.

 The scent overwhelming the rest of the family’s was Dick Grayson’s—noticeably sweeter and less sharp than the rest of the pack’s tended to be—which drew its own attention from the attendees of the gala. A couple of the women sent her scathing looks, but she choose to ignore them. Dick and the rest of the family had all given her fair warning that some of the attendants might be annoyed over a human taking one of their own off of the market.

Dick’s scent and the fact that she was a human didn’t deter some of the men’s attention being placed on her. She ignored it just as totally as she ignored the glares, far more interested in keeping her head down and not making a scene that Bruce would need to smooth over.

Damian was hovering at her hip, flashing warning looks at anyone who came too close or stared for too long. Wolves weren’t any more dangerous than the humans of Gotham generally, but he remained vigilant regardless. Besides, wolves did tend to be territorial over their pack members, especially if it was a human being welcomed among them.

“The bodyguard act seems a little unnecessary, Dami.”

Said boy huffed in response, “You can’t be allowed to roam unattended in this den of wolves.”

“Well, I walk around the manor all the time without an escort.”

“Hey, that’s a little rude, bird.” Dick’s chin rested against her shoulder as he appeared, apparently finished with meeting his socializing quota of the night. She could practically feel the glares of the women that he’d left behind to return to her side.

“You’re literally wolves. It’s in the title.” She teased him as he tilted his head to take a not-so-subtle sniff at her neck. She didn’t acknowledge the affection until he began to nuzzle against her. “Are you seriously marking me right now? Didn’t you do a good enough job before we got here? You were doing this exact thing for thirty minutes straight.”

“A little extra never hurts. Besides, you’re starting to pick up on other packs’ scents.”

“You’re one to talk. I can practically smell the perfume of all those girls clinging onto you and I’m not even a wolf.”

“I don’t like how people are looking at you.” He mumbled the words with his face still tucked against her neck, being bold enough to nip at her pulse lightly.

She bit back a surprised squeak at the bite, “Yeah, well, I don’t like how they’re looking at you either. At least the ones staring at me have an excuse. I’m the only human here, of course they’re staring.”

Before Dick could reply, a familiar voice caught their attention, “Hey, [Name]!”

She perked up instantly, while Dick grumbled something under his breath before pulling away from her neck and standing straight. His arm wrapped around her shoulders possessively, but there was nothing unusual about that.

“Hey! What’re you doing here, Roy?”

Dick didn’t give him a chance to answer, “I didn’t know Bruce invited Ollie.”

Roy’s eyes narrowed slightly, and she had the distinct impression that there was some kind of wolfy interaction occurring beneath the two’s words. “He did, but Jason actually invited me.”

Dick huffed, the sound an obvious inclination that he was annoyed. “I didn’t know you knew [Name].”

“Met her through Jason. I didn’t know that you two were mates.”

Dick fixed the other male with a glare, teeth clenching and eyes narrowing like he’d said something offensive. [Name] had never seen him take a stance like he did now, back straight as a rod and shoulders squared to make himself bigger. If she hadn’t been so close to both of the men, she might have been worried, but, really, it was just cute to see him get so jealous over something so small, especially when he’d only moments before been drowning in the midst of a group of well-dressed women vying for his attention.

She placed her hand on his chest, turning herself against his side as she did, which gave him the opportunity to pull her even closer. “Dick, it’s-” She was cut off by an unfamiliar sound rumbling in his chest. “Are you growling?”

The question seemed to snap him out of whatever territorial mindset he’d entered and his attention was suddenly back on her, a guilty look in his eyes that reminded her of a misbehaved puppy.

“It’s okay.” She had to bite back her laugh at the look he was giving her, like he was fully convinced she was about to shove him away from her so she could make a run for it, “You didn’t scare me. And I’m not mad that you’re jealous.”

Roy snickered behind her, and she sent him a sharp side-eye. That was all it took for him to raise his hands and back away.

“I didn’t know that you knew any other wolves.” He lowered his head again to hide against her neck, more in a bid for affection than an attempt to mark her this time.

“I met him not long after the parcel bomb thing. Jason was on guard duty one night and Roy crashed the party looking for Jason. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not.” He took a breath, releasing whatever tension remained in his muscles, “You don’t have to tell me everyone you know. Don’t think that. I was just being jealous. You didn’t do anything wrong. That was all me.”

“Well, I can’t blame you. You pick up on a lot more than me, so if I’m jealous of all the girls looking at you, then I’m sure you’re way more jealous of all the guys eyeing me. Even if they’re only looking at me because I’m a human.”

“They’re not. If Damian wasn’t giving them looks that could kill, I guarantee at least half of the men staring would be trying to make a move on you.” He growled against her neck, his grip on her hips tightening.

“We can go, if you want.”

He pulled away from her to meet her eyes, “You’re sure? If you want to stay, I don’t want to be the reason you think we should-”

“Dick, I am in the most nauseating dress I’ve ever worn. If it gets me out of this dress, then I’d gladly go to work right now. I would love to spend my time with you outside of this stupid gala.” She got to her tiptoes as he stood straight and got as close to his ear as she could, careful to whisper it as low as she could with the heightened senses of the other attendants in mind, “You look better in the Nightwing suit than the tux anyway.”

If he’d had a tail at the moment, she was sure it’d be wagging.

“Then what are we waiting for? After you.” He gave a dramatic bow as he gestured to the exit.

She patted Damian on the head as she moved towards the door, “If Bruce asks, say something came up.”

Damian wrinkled his nose in disgust, “I’m not lying just so you two can go tongue-wrestle.”

“I’ll tell Alfred that I broke the vase in the living room.”

There was no hesitation, “Deal.”

“Works every time.”

[gayferret420]

FUCK IT, CHASE NECROMANCER AU BAYYYBBEEEEEEE

Originally Chase found out about the whole necromancy thing from Moana when Tabatha died for the umpteenth time

Moana taught him how to do it incase something bad happened to Tabatha when she was gone

He started testing it out on small things like toads and lizards and plants

It went well, so he started trying it on bigger things, like dogs, birds and other animals

He got really good at it and desperately wanted to try doing it on a human, but unfortunately getting your hands on a dead body is more difficult than you would think

But with some illegal methods and a few cops getting black eyes, he revived someone! Yippe!

And he DID do it well. Not as well as he does it now, but for his first time? He did amazingly!

Moana did have to fix the person up a little bit, but over all Chase did great!

And after that he started doing it more often, and eventually he got amazing at it.

Like your great great great great grandma who died in the 1930’s? He could bring her back as long as you have the body (which at that point has probably decomposed but yk it’s the thought that counts)

That bag in the fridge that’s labeled Dead Dove: do not eat? Make that Alive Dove: still do not eat

And when he moves to Amber Beach, he starts a business off of that!

He feels bad for charging people for it but have you seen how expensive rent is? And he doesn’t charge as much he probably should for such a service, the highest he’ll go is $3000 dollars, and if its a little kid or pet than he’ll do it for free

And of course, like all things that you desperately want to keep a secret from your friends, they find out

One day, when Chase wasn't there, Shelby burst into the base and slammed a paper down on the table, and told Tyler and Riley about this ad for a necromancy service, and they decided that they would investigate it

So they went to the cemetery (morphed to add intimidation factor) and saw a man digging up a grave

welp that's probably the guy

Shelby walked up to the man and tapped him on the shoulder

“Now what do you think you’re doing, Sir?”

The man replied, “Fuck off Shelby, I’m busy.”

“Chase? W-What the fuck are you doing?”

“Oh you know, just my job. Say, you wanna watch me revive this guy?”

“Wait, what? You can actually bring people back to life?”

“Well yeah, I wouldn’t offer the service if I couldn’t do it.”

“Uhm…sure then. Tyler and Riley are here too if you don’t mind them watching.”

“The more the merrier! Plus, now I get to show Riley magic.”

(chase and riley are dating btw. i didn’t know how to put that in sooner lmao)

After a bunch of revival bullshit and dealing with a very violent teenage girl everyone except Chase is pretty shaken up by the whole thing

And the fact that Chase is treating this so casually is not helping

Riley especially, because what do you even do with this information? Suddenly the dead can come back to life as if nothing happened and you just have to deal with that

And on top of all that you learn that your boyfriend has been doing this for months and hasn’t told anyone.

Riley was more concerned than angry since this wasn’t the most legal business and Chase could probably get in a lot of trouble for it

And also you know. Digging up corpses and seeing horribly mangled bodies every day probably isn’t good for the psyche

Plus not being afraid of death could possibly lead to some dangerous decisions (which it has and will)

So overall Riley is cautiously supportive while also wondering about the morals of bringing back the dead

Tyler is freaking out about it but in a “This is SO COOL DUDE!” way

And Shelby is also freaking out about it in the way you expect for someone to freak out about it

But in the end everyone is kinda on board with it at least a little bit

And they decide not to tell the other rangers because they don’t want Ivan to burn Chase at the steak because of witchcraft

And this is probably a bit much for Koda

And they don’t feel like dealing with Kendall

And there is more but this post is long as fuck so I might make another one about it

also if you want me to scream about this and other AU’s and just chiley in general to you directly feel free to dm me I need more friends

[yveltalreal]

“idk if you guys wanna hear it”

This is Rotomblr we damn near everyone is nosey as hell, we want to hear it

okay real. under a cut cause this got LONGGGG

basically like. for a bit of knowledge if youve never seen miguels posts is that like anjo da morte (meaning angel of death) tormented our island for a few months, from when i returned from kalos after the houndoom attack to when i left for paldea. anjo da morte is presumed to take the form of an old man with pure blue glowing eyes except for a white pupil who appeared on the island randomly with no records of anyone matching his description. this old man just kinda hung out around the island, barely interacted with anyone, mostly appeared at night, and like murkrow and mandibuzz LOVED him.

anjo da morte caused people and pokemon to suddenly get sick, mass death and rotting, like UNUSUALLY SO. like things that were fine one day would suddenly be COMPLETELY ROTTED AND WILTED THE NEXT DAY. with no apparant cause or anything!! fairy pokemon, which are normally super plentiful because hortensia has A TONNNN of the flabebe line!! especially considering my family's florges gardens!! like. vanished. they were super skitish and hiding all the time i saw very few that weren't ours and even then ours acted strangely the whole time. on the other hand there was a huge surge in dark type activity, especially honchkrow line and mandibuzz line but that might just be because theyre carrion birds and shit and there was a lot of weak pokemon running around as well as a good amount of free corpses so. like this shit was abnormal as hell. at one point a bunch of fish pokemon and two florges (vulgradian florges are water types and mostly aquatic. theyre like mermaids) washed up on shore and we cut them open to see if theyd eaten anything off and there was like nothing wrong with them they seemed completely healthy they just. died.

we're all pretty it was a ghost type infestation that followed me from kalos or something?? but like worship of yveltal is also very common in the lachrian faith due to kalosian pirates brigning yvelti worship over to vulgrado along with the florges so some people did see anjo da morte as like. some sort of like test from yveltal or something. either way no one really blamed me for anything they were kina just like oh damn that shit you went for was THIS BAD huh?

anyways. the time i met anjo da morte.

basically i was coming home from school (i was trying school out again after The Incident) with my moms aggron, damascus. damascus considered like our parish its territory so it viewed protecting the kids and taking us all to school and stuff as like. part of taking care of its territory. anyways we had dropped everyone else off including miguel so it was just me who needed to go home.

we're like at the gardens, so almost home, and theres this old man there. i dont really pay too much attention at first cause the gardens are popular tourist destinations and assume hes probably just checking them out even we havent gotten much tourism at the time because of like. anjo da morte. and the fact our florges arent taking care of them as much as they used to because they are NERVOUS. but like i keep moving through the gardens with damascus.

theres a lot of like pools and waterways in the gardens cause. aquatic florges and stuff and we're passing by one of the pools when the old man like. actually adresses me. like says my full name. i dont know this old man but he knows my full fucking name.

i start freaking out cause like. old man i dont know knows my name stranger fucking danger and i finally get a good look at him and realize he has the fucking eyes and this is anjo da morte and freak out even more cause like??? ANJO DA MORTE

so basically im standing there, damascus is trying to intimidate anjo da morte (its not working) anjo da morte is SAYING THINGS TO MEEEEEE (im not paying much attention), and IM FREAKING OUT CAUSE OH MY GOD I FUCKED UP IM GONNA DIE AAAAAAAA

anyways i then hear a sound from the pool beside me which snaps me out of it and i look over. its one of our florges, kelpsy, and shes like getting out of the water and is also like making it clear to anjo da morte theyve fucked up and trying to freak them out. kelpsy is like. a very chill florges most vulgradian florges are super agressive unless trained like heavily even as flabebe but kelpsy is so fucking chill and has the patience of a saint but like. as of late she'd been super skittish and shy because of the whole anjo da morte thing so it was kinda a surprise to see her getting her ass out of the water. this distracts anjo da morte too and in that brief moment damascus fucking attacks.

like slams their arm into anjo da morte and sends him FLYING.

like he doesnt fall like a person though he goes flying the way a toy might. absolutely ragdolls. it looked like there wasnt any real weight to the body.

then, before anjo da morte hit the ground, they just fucking VANISHED. GONE. kelpsy freaks out and gets back into the pool and hides under the water and damascus starts making a set of growls that aggron use to like. tell things trespassing on their territory that they know they're there and they better FUCK OFF before they find and kill them so i leave damascus to it and run through the gardens all the way to the house.

AND THATS THE TIME I MET THE ANGEL OF DEATH <3

[eldritcmor]

Can we ask about SH8's relationships with each other :0 like how they get along with each other and if there's more stuff going on that, say like, an ordinary team wouldn't see

(Also Pumpkin sounds so freaking cool! Reminds me of Wonder Woman)

(And might have read all your fanfics. Hope to see more of the monster au!)

Squad Eight is mostly a tight knit group. Pumpkin and Dusty knew each other long before SHC was a thing towards the end of the 2012 crisis. Originally Pumpkin was an international consultant for Knight’s Bridge Consulting and Dusty was an Independent Agent for The Council of Venice. Their paths crossed in the early 2000’s while hunting rumors of an auction for magical artifacts hosted by the Morning Light Cult. Their relationship didn’t change very much when SHC got rolling. Dusty would use Council resources to hunt rumors, connections, and information on important or dangerous items. Pumpkin would retrieve or disable those items neither The council nor The Factions would decide they want to make a power grab outside the usual range. Their relationship can be very business like at times but both know that they can absolutely trust the other when it comes to their skills or an emergency situation, such as hiding a former shadow and preventing said shadow from murdering his way to the top too quickly. Which leads us to Hutch!

Hutch was more acquired by Squad Eight. After being buried under rubble during the events of Las Almas, he was rescued by Dusty and Squad Six. He did not meet them till about a few months up to a year later. Pumpkin likes to keep an eye on interesting people. A shadow who decided to slip before the noose tightened counts as interesting. She kept an ear out, especially when Hutch started taking out Shadow survivors. Hutch was very much hostile when Pumpkin first started appearing in his vengeance plot. Pumpkin more saw Hutch as a promising new asset. She’d get him access to his targets and tid bits of information, but mostly left Hutch to get himself into trouble. Pumpkin has intervened on Two notable occasions. Hutch nearly getting himself killed by leaving a werewolf bite untreated and Hutch getting very nearly bleeding out in an alley for not recognizing who his target was. The wolf bite is also the first time Hutch meets Dusty. Pumpkin could not directly intervene as she was busy with an operation. So she sent Dusty in her stead. Dusty very much of the idea that Hutch was Pumpkin’s pet project. Hutch vaguely remembers being cussed out as someone cared for him throughout his fevered state. They make up later, after the stabbing incident when Pumpkin decides to fully recruit Hutch.

Lovely side note here. Hutch has an animal companion kinda. Dill the Raven. Dill is a magical construct. That bird is not alive. He was a gift from Pumpkin after one too many close calls. Dill also got his name cause Hutch didn’t know how to activate such a construct and stuck the little carved charm into a pickle jar. The charm could be activated by salt water. Pickle juice counts. ANYWAYS!

Hutch’s relationship with Pumpkin is vaguely toxic. Hutch is attracted to Pumpkin, there is no denying that. Its not romantic in the slightest, more friends with benefits. Pumpkin is willing to leverage as Payment or Relaxation for Hutch. Hutch feels he owes pumpkin on some level. Mainly because Pumpkin keeps saving his life or Helping him keep his more were-wolfish traits in check.

Finally we have Bell. Sweet sweet tortured Bell. Bell was originally an experiment for SWARM (you can ask @ask-lucans-ocs) Eventually Bell was discarded after he was no longer useful to SWARM as an experiment. Literally, They threw him in the trash to die. Pumpkin found him by accident. Cornered on a roof and went dumpster diving. Nearly landed on a bird. Pumpkin has a bad habit of taking in Strays. Especially what she sees as useful Strays. Pumpkin at first didn’t know how to deal with Bell’s regression but if SHC teaches anything, It’s roll with the weird. Pumpkin and Bell’s relationship developed from a point of care. Pumpkin treated Bell more like an injured feral animal and Bell fell for it. Pumpkin is far more doting on Bell. It’s why she doesn’t work with Bell on the Field. Hutch and Bell have a far more working relationship. Hutch target trained Bell, after all. And This tactic is used to full extent. Its point and swoop for the two. Bell tends to be protective of Hutch, emulating Pumpkin’s behavior around Hutch. Bell and Dusty have a more work first approach. Dusty will watch Bell but He will not watch over Bell. Bell perches on everybody but his two favorite for I can attack and crunch people are Pumpkin and Hutch.

[adzeisval]

You weren't meant to be there

Wee John goes shopping even when Izzy is warning him not to go. Major character death again. Also on AO3.

Wee John wondered if he should go to town by himself or not. It was just to the other side of the island to get some supplies for Lucius’ birthday but it was quite the trek and he was getting old. 

Lately there always seemed to be some young pirate trying to get in with the whole Revenge crew or start a bar fight. 

“You’re sure you want to go alone?” Jim asked. 

“I’ll be fine,” John said. Though…he had been having some odd trepidations but he pushed past them; he was probably just imagining things. He was going to be fine going to get a few supplies. It might take him all day to get there and back but he’d do it. 

Wee John made his way around the ocean path, his back was aching a little and his joints were bothering him but he wanted to be able to do the shopping by himself. And it was fun to be out in nature now and then and away from the rest of the crew. As much as he loved them all it was good to get away now and then. 

But…some things were a bit odd. 

He could have sworn several rocks moved on their own and birds spooked way too easily. It was like a ghost was following him. 

“Ah fuck. Izzy?” 

Wee John waited for an answer but there was none. 

“Izzy how dangerous could going to town be, really I’m going to be fine.” 

Wee John felt fine, well he felt fucking old, but he could still handle himself. He would be fine. But Izzy kept trying to make him turn back. Wee John was almost to town though so he would just keep going. He didn’t want to go back when he was almost there and he knew to be on the lookout when he was in town especially with Izzy acting weird.

Wee John spent some time at the edge of town looking around for anything odd. Nothing caught his eye, it was just the usual people milling about and the usual shops open. There were no soldiers of any type and looking in to the harbor there was no sign of anything strange. 

“I’m going in Izzy,” Wee John said. 

He was the only one in the shop and the shopkeep, Mr. Wilson waved at him and went back to his whittling. John was looking for something different to give to Lucius for his birthday. He wanted it to be special. Lucius was having a tough time with Pete getting so old and all his health issues. Wee John was surprised that he himself didn’t have more issues considering how wonky his back had been most of his life.

John had just picked out a fabric he thought might make a nice shirt when the ground started to shake. 

“Oh fuck…” John sat the fabric down and headed for the door, but everything went black. 

When John came to it was dark and he felt like there was an entire building on his chest. 

“Am I dead?” 

“Not just yet,” Izzy said. 

“Shit.” 

“You weren’t meant to be there, you were supposed to be at home,” Izzy said. 

“I’m sorry Izzy, just didn’t think there would be trouble,” John said, “The crew?” 

“Everyone at the Inn is alright.” 

Wee John wondered how long he was going to have to wait to be rescued. He didn’t know how many other people were trapped and how many people were unhurt and able to help. He could wait a while thought the longer he was aware the more aware of pain he was. 

His back felt horrible and his chest was tight and…he couldn’t feel his legs. It was also kinda hard to breathe…

“Izzy? Am I dying?” 

“I’m sorry John, I’m here to take you.” 

“Fuck. Is this going to take long?” 

“I don’t think so,” Izzy said. 

“Should have listened,” Wee John said. 

“I’m sorry,” Izzy said. 

John felt a little stupid over insisting on coming to town especially when Izzy was giving hints that something was going to happen. 

Something shifted in the ruined building and the weight on his chest increased and it was almost impossible to breathe. He groaned and struggled against the weight. His chest was aching for air but he could not get it in and he wouldn’t…he was…

“I’m here John, almost there.” 

Tears streamed down John’s face, he wasn’t supposed to be there and yet there he was just because he was stubborn and wanted to go anyway. He could see Izzy there with him and then things went black then came into focus. 

“There we are,” Izzy said. 

“Fuck, damn it,” Wee John said. 

“I know.” 

“Well let’s go,” Wee John said. It wasn’t the way he imagined going out but at least it didn’t take too long, “And you’re sure the others are alright?”

“They are, and I’ll let them know I was here with you,” Izzy said. 

“Thanks,” John said and followed Izzy.

[jodilin65]

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2008 Got a long letter from Mary. The good news is that Nathan’s starting a blog and is going to post her writings. She’s going to send him short stories she’s written for him to type and post.

The bad news is that her case has been bumped up to March. She thought she’d be home for Christmas for sure, so she’s bummed out. I, of course, am not the least bit surprised. She didn’t need to hear this from me, so I didn’t say anything, but if there’s really ever an end or any kind of closure to her case, they’re going to drag it out as long as possible. I still think she’s going to end up in prison with the max, or more than she ever expected she’d get, which would be something her lawyer may not tell her. He may be a paid lawyer as opposed to a public pretender, but that still doesn’t mean I’d trust him to be completely honest and open as to the extent of possibilities that could go wrong. I think that given the times, the nature of the case, and the fact that she’s white, they’re going to want to keep her in for as many more childbearing years as they possibly can. She’s got about 14 of those left, but they may very well figure that the more they can take from her, the less likely she’ll be to have more kids with abusive guys who only want to abuse them.

Anyway, I hit a couple of instants. I won a Birds Eye Steamfresh Meals for Two coupon which has a $9 value, and a $5 Chevron GC!

I dropped back down to 135 pounds, too.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2008 I’ve been having trouble getting back on track since jumping up two pounds to 136, mostly because of hunger. So I decided that since I don’t mind being fat and was mostly out to just get in shape and get to where bending over to trim my toenails was easier, I’m just not going to lose any more weight if the hunger persists. This is where I usually plateau anyway.

I agree with Tom that I don’t look 136, but more like between 120-125. It’s cuz of the muscle.

It rained a couple of days ago and each time it does it gets a little greener out there. The leaves have thinned out a bit, but we still have major privacy. It’s the dogs I could do without. They went barking by in the afternoon and I saw one of the dogs heading up towards Jesse’s place, though it’s still been quieter overall. That’s good too, cuz as long as we don’t shoot these dogs, they’re going to be here as long as we are. If money ever improves we’ll have to decide if we want to do something about them (since no one else will) or do we just live with them?

I hate the cooler weather! My robe keeps me nice and warm, but I hate being bundled up like this. It really restricts my movements and the sleeves get in the way and catch on things all the time.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2008 I know Apple’s expensive and that $50 doesn’t go a long way with them, but it’s my Christmas present to Tom anyway, which I’m sure he’ll love. He just may not get to use it till after the promotion ends on the day before Christmas.

Thanksgiving turned out to be quiet. Tom didn’t see Jesse’s truck, his dogs, or the freeloader’s dogs, which is good considering that the dangerous one is a pit bull.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2008 How many more days, weeks or months am I going to have to see Obama’s fucking face everywhere I go on the web! God, I’m so sick of it and hearing about the same damn people over and over again! Everything’s black this, black that. Meanwhile, whites, and especially gays, continue to get shit on and treated like 2nd class citizens.

Meanwhile, there’s not much to do at nearly 6:00 in the morning. I’m done sweeping, so I guess I could do some story-proofing. The fucking dogs are going to be going off any minute, so I’ll put the sound machine on so I’m not interrupted.

I hope Mary goes home soon. I really do! I’m just worried she’s going to go right back to her old ways. Abusive guys and having babies like crazy were all she knew. I hope she’ll choose life over children, but it’s like she doesn’t think she can live or will be complete without them. As it is she’s already talking about moving in with Nathan. Not right away, and he may not be like most other guys she’s known, but the point’s still the same. First it was Todd, then Jose, and now Nathan. I’ve tried to point out to her that she doesn’t need a man to survive, and that if she wants a shot at doing the things she says she wants to do, then she can’t be tied down by a baby. And who knows if she could even afford one with the fortune they cost these days, not to mention the fact that there are enough damn people in this world and we don’t need anymore. In the end, though, it’s her life. If she’s going to throw it away on babies and bad boys, well, that’s her choice.

Well, well, Amber decided to unsubby from my journal. So I subbied to hers instead! Then I’ll drop her as well. I love to ruffle this bitch’s feathers.

Yay, Florida for doing the right thing and overturning a bigoted ban on gays adopting! It’s the person that makes a parent, not the gender or marital status, although I am all for banning the poor from parenting, as well as other children. No one should have kids under 30, but I’d be willing to extend that down to 25 in some cases. If it was a male judge, though, the ban probably wouldn’t have been overturned. They’re just more hateful for some reason.

With half the kids being born to singles these days, it’s amazing the religious bigots aren’t trying to take them away!

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2008 I’m desert dreamin’ of a bigger piece of land but with a smaller house next time around. Oh, how I miss the desert and hope we’ll one day be back in it, even if it won’t be the same desert!

Tom got $36 for selling CDs and DVDs I’ve won over the last year and $600 for pawning the TV and the Mac which he says actually has a 20” screen and not a 22”. Either way, I’ve still got mixed emotions about the whole thing. I’m glad to get the money we need but tired of these poor spells. Whatever possessed God to decide we don’t deserve to have money? I’m tired of Him letting others have it all for nothing! Meanwhile, we work our asses off just to live like little bums! What’s wrong with THAT picture? I try to tell myself it’s better than living in some third-world country, but this is still bad enough. Why compare or try to play down something when it’s bad enough in itself? It’s good that we’ll be ok for at least a while, but bad that we’re still going through this shit this late in life.

He’s got 4½ months to buy the stuff back for $660. That’s a lot of money if he can only get a shitty-paying job and the horses turn out to be a joke yet again. Of course, I’m still wondering if he’s going to get a job in the first place!

Next time I win something good, I’ll know better. I’ll know that it’s not just for our own enjoyment, but something to pawn next time whatever’s up there feels like whipping our asses with money problems for the millionth time. It sure would be nice to win another TV of the same or greater size and be able to just forget about this one. If not we WILL get the stuff back. I’ve already decided that one way or the other, Jesse’s going to pay whatever we can’t. We’ll pay him back, we’ll give him collateral, but he IS going to help us if we need it. We’re not going to suffer to make a rich man richer!

I do NOT want to do another 40 years or so in the poorhouse! It’s just too hard, too stressful. It’s simply no way to live. That program HAS to work this time around or I HAVE to win big. Even if it’s just enough to buy a place of our own. But I know I should quit dreaming and just accept my fate as it is, for that’s all anyone can do. A poor person is who I was meant to be. Just like I was meant to be short.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2008 Tom took a bunch of bottles to a recycling center he found close by. He said he had to wait a while. I guess a lot of people are recycling these days.

He also said Jesse appeared to have returned to work and that there was very little barking. I heard more than “very little” early this morning.

I guess we whites can be lazy too, because I should be cleaning now, but instead I’m typing this. After this, I’m going to enter sweeps and do more proofreading.

Tom is going to pawn the TV and Mac tomorrow. It’s nice to know we can do this and get the money we need, but it still pisses me off that we not only have to do this but are doing it for a guy who doesn’t need the money. He bugs us, his dogs annoy the hell out of me, and he’s loaded, yet we’re giving this stuff up for him. What’s wrong with that picture?

Jessie says she too, is worried about her and David’s jobs.

I just hope that between the horses, my prayers and spells, and my helping to jinx-write lots of money coming our way, we’ll find our home in the Mojave Desert by 2010. I want to be queen of the desert again! I miss it all; the dry heat, the fierce winds, the wild monsoon storms. The only scary thing about going extreme rural like we’d be going is that here, if he got hurt I could call and an ambulance would pick him up in minutes. Not where we’re talking about going! We’d also have to get a gun if we didn’t get one here. The snakes don’t bother me. I’ve lived with them before. There wouldn’t be bears or wolves, but there could be big cats. Cougars in particular. And of course, I wouldn’t like rejoining the tarantulas, but I’ve survived them before. If I can deal with the baby tarantulas we had invading the Sonoran Desert house, I’ll deal with them again. The idea is to go where no one else is around and to a place that’s not building up, the land being divvied up like crazy. So what if we had to take an icebox and drive an hour a few times a week to go grocery shopping? It sure would beat him having to drive 50 minutes from Maricopa to Mesa and back like he used to 5 days a week.

Gas prices are lower than they were before we went to Oregon!

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2008 After working on it for the last year and a half, even though it’s been an on-and-off thing, I finally finished my book! Woot! The skeleton of the story is complete. Now it’s time to fine-tune and flesh things out, then do the final proofreading with the reader.

Finishing my book is the good news. The bad news is the same old shit we’ve been dealing with since the early 90s – problem neighbors. See, this is a prime example of why I have a hard time agreeing with Tom that things just happen randomly. Getting next to freeloaders - blacks and Hispanics in particular - for over 15 years is not RANDOM, it’s a PATTERN. That’s some outer, higher force cursing us. Why, I do not know. Were we horrible neighbors ourselves in a previous life or something?

I’m sick and tired of Mexicans being a problem everywhere we go. Everywhere we go! Not once have we had Mexican neighbors who were quiet, civilized and working. Instead, all they’ve wanted to do was sit on their asses at our tax dollar’s expense and make as much trouble as possible. These people simply do not want to get along with anybody. Hell, they LOOK for trouble! I swear it’s like they live to annoy whoever they possibly can. It’s like they’re trying to score a huge record as to how many people they can make miserable during their lives. They don’t want to work, they don’t want to respect others, yet society continues to put them up on this pedestal they don’t deserve to be on, and they continue to give, give, and give while the freeloaders take, take, take. How backward can things get? Why are people kissing the asses of such assholes and giving to such undeserving people?! Meanwhile, we work hard, we respect others, yet we’re pawning our lives away! No one’s giving us shit! Why is that? Are we perhaps too damn white?

Between the shooting, the dogs, and being home all the time, I knew they were not only renters but probably freeloaders as well. And when Jesse, who obviously isn’t much more respectful himself, came down with their address and the name of José G, that pretty much wiped out any lingering doubts about them being welfare bums. The only thing we’re not getting this time around, and I hope to hell it stays this way, is the damn car stereos. I have heard an occasional beat thumping every now and then, but nothing frequent or for longer than a few minutes at a time. Everything else is the same old bullshit, though.

So here’s what happened as far as I know. Dumb cock came down on his ATV at 2:00, and miraculously I slept through it. Tom didn’t take my advice about ignoring him by SHOWING him since TELLING him obviously won’t work, that we’re not going to run to the door every time he runs down here. Earlier, from 6:00 - 6:30, the dogs were barking their asses off and pissing me the hell off, of course, so I had to put the sound machine on.

Jesse came down to warn us that one of the dogs is dangerous. It’s a pit bull. Yeah, I knew trying to restrain them was a crazy idea. I don’t think he got bit, but he wasn’t able to tie them up. Instead, they hurt one of his dogs and it can barely walk, so he took the day off to deal with that. Now maybe the dumb shit will smarten up and start taking them inside if only at night, but I doubt it. Leaving them out would really be asking for trouble, but that all depends on how much he cares about his own dogs, and so far he doesn’t seem to care much. Somehow I doubt he’ll take just a day off. I think that once again, he’s got money and would prefer to just hang out here and fiddle with shit around the land. So we may soon be switching back from barking to engine-gunning. The engine gunning is harder to drown out, but at least I know it won’t be happening at midnight. Also, since he’s proven that he can be just as much of a pest whether he works or not, I guess I’d rather have him around in case of a problem. And I see a few problems that could result from this, and I have to wonder if we’re going to get caught up in the middle in any way. I’m all for fighting back as opposed to not doing anything and sending the wrong message, but I still worry about this.

Jesse says he filed a report and that the more people that complain means they could lose their dogs and not be allowed to get anymore. I laughed at this one of course, knowing he obviously hasn’t had the experience we’ve had with these kinds of people. These are the most defiant people there are, next to terrorists. They will literally die for us or for anyone else and all for the dumbest of things, too. I can guarantee you that if they were given the choice right now to either be shot dead or give up their dogs, they would gladly take a bullet all in the name of not “giving in.” These people aren’t just unwilling to cooperate, they’re vindictive, unreasonable and potentially deadly. These are the kinds of people that shoot people. The shots they fired last week were no doubt in regards to him having just gone down there to tell them off. It’s their way of saying, “We’re gonna do what we’re gonna do, and to hell with neighbors, cops or anyone else.” It’s the people that cops, landlords or city officials can’t even tame that are the scariest. If they can’t get them to do the right thing, who can?

Tom doesn’t think they’ll do anything, but if Jesse succeeds in getting the dogs taken away, or if he finally gets fed up enough to shoot them, what’s to say these crazy freeloaders won’t shoot at us or torch the place? That’s simply the way they handle things. They don’t run, they don’t reason, they don’t negotiate. They get violent. The Phoenix Mexicans only ran because they were illegals with God only knew how many outstanding warrants.

It’s going to take a long time to go about it the way Jesse’s trying to go about it, and if they do lose their dogs, they WILL get new ones while they’re busy crying racism. No doubt about that. It’d be quicker and easier to just shoot them as they got them.

Once again, I’m not sure that rural is the way to go. If it’s going to take a few years to build up the money anyway, we may be better off in a retirement community. The only thing I wouldn’t like about that would be the lack of space, but cursed or not with neighbors, I can’t believe they would come and go a dozen times a day, have tons of company, blast music, and leave their dogs outside 24/7. These things are simply not allowed there. And I know there wouldn’t be any freeloaders there to raise hell or screaming kids bouncing basketballs just a few feet away.

I hope we’ll live to get to decide these things, as well as whether or not we should continue to stay here in the meantime. I asked Tom if he would consider Jesse a pest if he lived alone and he said no since nothing’s being manufactured in any way. Oh, I know these are real issues. It’s just that there’s always SOMETHING. If this dog thing ever did get resolved, which I doubt, we’d just go right into a whole new problem where he’d just have to come down every few days to a few weeks, because he’s too stupid to get that we want him to pick up the phone instead. Or doesn’t WANT to get it. I’m still not sure which is which. He is pretty dumb. He may be good with building and fixing shit, but he’s stupid otherwise. The guy’s too hyper to really talk to, and since he butts in before we can finish explaining whatever, he doesn’t give himself a chance to comprehend. Maybe he has ADD cuz he sure doesn’t stay focused very well. He interrupts us, tells us the same things over and over, and it just gets frustratingly old. It really does!

But if we left, would we really be better off if this curse is just going to follow us everywhere we go? Sure, it’s easy to say that if we’re going to have to listen to the barking and deal with people coming to our door anyway, we may as well do it in the convenience of the city in a bigger place, but this is about as cheap as it gets. Plus, if we moved we would no longer have just dogs to deal with. Then we’d be back with the stereos, the door-slamming, the screaming kids, etc.

I told Tom to make sure he backs up his Mac real good, cuz there’s no guarantee that what goes out is ever coming back. He reminded me that if we can’t afford to buy back the TV and Mac, we’ve got problems a hell of a lot worse than that! Yeah, I know. That’s what I’m afraid of. I still haven’t had any scary dreams, but no one’s called yet either. He originally said he’d be worried if no one called by the 1st, and then he remembered Thanksgiving is this week. He thinks that by next week they’ll call.

The problem is that we may or may not have enough money to have the horses rescue us if a job doesn’t do it first, and there just aren’t any jobs. No one’s hiring anywhere. Although it’s still looking really good, there are only a few dollars in the horse account right now and it’s hit or miss as to whether or not the amount would go up with just one shot. It’s going to take a few hundred to make a few thousand. Because he’s going to get more than we need from pawning stuff, he may use some of that, but I’d rather not have to go that route. I’d rather he get a job and use some of that because it’s “looked good” before. Test profits are one thing, real profits are another. So until I actually see it make money consistently, I’ve got to believe that nothing’s changed, we’ll be poor most of our lives, living in dumps, etc.

Welfare bums really make my blood boil. The fact that “minorities” are getting first dibs on all kinds of golden opportunities tells me that people like this CHOOSE to be the way they are. Meanwhile, my husband, who would love such opportunities to come his way, can’t get them because he is white. It pisses me the fuck off – AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

I cleaned out the fatty fryer and am not going to use it for a while. I was really getting carried away with it, frying French fries and chicken wings like crazy. I’ll fry potatoes in the skillet in margarine later. That way I can use the slicer again. It’s so fun and easy! It’s so cool to be able to slice a potato in just a minute. Before it would take me forever to do it by hand.

What’s weird is that while I had jumped two pounds to 136, I’m almost down to 135. It must be the tea. I ran out of the Oolong tea I’d gotten from eBay up in Oregon, and so Tom got me this tea that contains Oolong, jasmine and green tea from the local store. It seems to help with water and my metabolism just as well, along with running nearly every day.

I’m jam-packed with muscle, though I still have 25 more pounds of fat to lose – ugh! I’ve been rather muscular since my 20s, though it sure would be nice to have a Bowflex machine after the fat has been shed. That’d really show them off! I like for my muscles to show, especially in my shoulders and arms. If it shows through all this fat, I ought to look pretty scary without it!

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2008 Amazingly, we made it through the weekend without Jesse coming down. I really thought he’d find something to bug us about. As I told Tom, I think we should stop answering his every beck and call. Maybe if he sees he won’t get a response that way, THEN he’ll start using the phone.

It’s been surprisingly quiet the last few days. I still wouldn’t be surprised if the dogs barked all day tomorrow as soon as Jesse leaves for work, but I’ll be asleep through most of it anyway.

The horses are continuing to test very well. So well that Tom’s starting to think he may be able to quit working (if he ever gets a job in the first place) by the end of the year. It’ll still take a year or two to save up for land and a house and all that, though, as you’re talking a few hundred grand.

Meanwhile, we’ll be reduced to having to play pawn-it this week. I just wonder how many more times we’ll have to go through this shit if the horses don’t work out? How many more times??? Well, they BETTER work out because if they don’t, and if I never win big, we’re very likely looking at being poor for the rest of our lives. If he were in his 20s he’d have a shot at big bucks, but not at 51 years of age.

I dreamt that the horses won $220 the other day. Funny how the number 2 is always present in these kinds of dreams. First they won 2 grand, then 2 million, and now 2 hundred. I just hope these dreams are a sign that yes, they will indeed make money! I’ve never had a negative horse dream yet.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2008 I could’ve easily jumped back on track with my diet, but when our new deep fryer arrived, I knew I just had to be a bad girl! I made fried chicken and later I’ll make French fries. Oh, and of course I had to have caramel-filled candies for dessert!

This fryer is way better than the one we used to have. It’s half the size, but perfect for just two people. He hates chicken so I’m the only one I make that for. This one has a screen so it doesn’t make the mess our old one did and splatter all over. That, and the slicer I have yet to use, sure is a hell of a consolation prize!

The trip to the temp company in Roseville turned out to be a total waste of time. Definitely not a dream come true. This is because I dreamt he got offered a job for $10 with no insurance. Well, he didn’t get offered a damn thing! All they did was tell him to call every week to see what they’ve got. Now why did they have to tell him this in person? They’re obviously not going to give him shit, and I wonder if anyone else ever will either. If the horses let us down again, we’re dead if he doesn’t get something by February. That’s when the car insurance and other things will be an issue, although we probably won’t bother with the renter’s insurance.

He not only let them know how upset he is with them but tried to find out what his prize is. They had a raffle and he supposedly won something which they claim they don’t know about yet. I say it’s all bullshit. There is no prize, there is no job, and so something else better rescue us soon enough.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2008 The good news is that the testing is still going well, and the dogs seem to have been a little quieter today.

The bad news is that it looks like I may not be able to lose any more weight which doesn’t surprise me much. I haven’t been able to lose more than 10-15 pounds since getting over 35. Now I have to decide if I want to keep on dieting anyway to keep the weight off a while longer, or take a break and let it come back, then re-lose the weight again. It would come back in just a couple of weeks, so I’ll probably keep at it a while longer. I’ll exercise no matter what to keep fit.

Tomorrow our deep fryer will be here so I won’t be dieting at all then!

Strangely enough, the temp company called Tom today to set up an appointment for 9:30 tomorrow morning to “see what kind of job he wants.” What he doesn’t get is why they need to ask this when they should have enough information already, and why they didn’t do this a week ago if they just had to do it. This makes us both think they’re probably going to give him a shitty job without benefits or with benefits we could never afford. With the exception of the last two years in Oregon, we’re usually pretty broke, so I was never expecting a high-paying job in the first place. Even when he was making $16 an hour in Arizona, most of the money went to the house so we were still broke. We’re broke when we are, we’re broke when we aren’t! So except for those two years, it’s nothing new. We’ll take the damn $8 - $9 job if we have to, and I’ll freeze my gums and pull my own teeth.

He still thinks the horses will work out, and although he doesn’t know how much time it will take, he’ll eventually be able to make us more money than we need just from that. I hope he’s right, but after so many letdowns, seeing is believing for me. I believe that the longer something is a certain way, the more likely it’s meant to be that way forever. So if we’re in our 40s and 50s and still broke, it’s hard to believe that would ever change, be it suddenly or slowly. For now, though, I agree that it would be nice if he could get a job at a company that wasn’t going out of business and be hired on. Working at temp jobs with companies that are going out of business is no way to have security in life.

Poverty. Couldn’t imagine life without it! They say God picks on at least one member per family and Tom and I are definitely it within ours!

The most important thing is being able to pay for the things we NEED in life. If you can’t pay for the necessities, you’re really screwed! So yeah, we’ll take the shitty pay, cuz shit pay is better than no pay, but it’ll suck that we’ll have to stay here no matter what. I’d prefer to stay here until and if we can ever get our own place, but I also like to have choices. The more choices in life, the better. I hate to have to be locked into anything, even if it’s a good thing, or mostly good anyway.

What’s up with all the foreign friend requests I’ve been getting lately? Not that I mind, but strangely enough I’ve been getting hit with a few a day on Kiwibox. I’ve got friends in Pakistan, Canada, India, Australia, Russia, the Philippines, and probably other places I’m forgetting!

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2008 Yet again the barking has been a real nightmare! We turned the air cleaner up to ‘medium’ in the living room to try to drown most of it out, but you can still hear it a little. So as long as people are going to be stupid and not deal with the problem properly, we’ll just have to live with it. I am going to try to get Jesse to move his own damn dogs to the other side of the house at some point. I can’t believe all the barking is other things stirring them up. I think they’re just lonely and sick of being tossed outside and left alone. I don’t think they’re going to get used to no one being around all day. Therefore, if we make it through these tough times but it doesn’t look like we’re going to be able to get a place of our own anytime soon, I’m going to push for a rent deduction. And fuck pawning things, too! He’ll just have to wait till we can come up with the rent, although Tom says it may provide us with extra cushion for other things anyway. Meanwhile, I still don’t see why he can’t take the fucking things in at least at night. Then he wouldn’t have to worry about being woken up at night, and we wouldn’t have to deal with it either.

I suppose Jesse may be down to bug us anytime now. It sucks that he’s finding just as much time to be a pest, even though the guy’s apparently working long hours. He seems to be gone for about 12 hours a day.

I wish it would rain more often. Rain and heat helps shut them up, but it’s been incredibly dry so far compared to last year. Somehow this doesn’t surprise me either, now that we’re here, but it’s been desert-dry. I don’t think it’s rained more than half a dozen times in over half a year.

Tom’s “horsing around” is still seemingly great. I hope this is finally it! Another letdown in this area would be SUCH a cruel tease!

The Supreme Court is going to hear arguments about the gay marriage ban, but you know me, I’ll have to see them win to believe they will. Tom says he would think they’d have a good chance or else why would they bother hearing the argument in the first place?

I jumped up 3 pounds and would really like to not eat until tomorrow so I can undo the damage caused by all those Fritos, shrimp chips and caramel cake in less time, but I don’t think I can do that. As it is that Jimmy Dean breakfast bowl with yummy cheesy eggs, bacon and potatoes is really calling out to me!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2008 I actually feel bad for Jesse now, even though he’s still pestering us with coming down here. I feel bad for him for the same reason I feel bad for us; the renters absolutely refuse to tie up their dogs and are continuing to stir up his dogs like crazy. Last night’s 2 AM disturbance woke him up. This is why I learned years ago to sleep with fans or sound machines. Right now I have my radio off-tuned to a station to create white noise so I can concentrate.

Anyway, he came to give us a business card with the Animal Patrol number which differed from the one I got online. Again I asked if he had Tom’s cell phone so he could save himself a trip and just call if there are any updates on the situation and when he gets their address. He says he’ll give us a ring, but I’ve got to see it to believe it. The guy’s just dumb. Good with building and fixing things, but dumb. Very hard to talk to, too. He interrupts a lot and it’s hard to get a word in edgewise at times. Repeats things a lot, too.

Jesse also says that this weekend he’s going to try to tie the dogs up when they come around and then call AP which would result in the owners having to pay a fine to get them back. He said he’s never had a problem like this before. I know he hasn’t. He’s having it cuz we’re here. WE’RE the one the dog curse is on. I totally believe this, too. I don’t just believe it, I KNOW it. I don’t think he understands, though, since he obviously hasn’t had the experience we’ve had with neighboring dogs, that the only way to solve the problem is to either hope they move or shoot the dogs dead. A fine isn’t going to change anything. They’ll just pay the fine, turn them loose all over again, then cry, “But they don’t DO anything!” See, waking people up and annoying the hell out of them when they are awake just isn’t “doing” anything according to most people. Nonetheless, people just don’t care and some are so damn defiant they’ll gladly pay to make others miserable.

I know I’M not going to try tying them up if I see them down here! I don’t mess with anything inhuman that weighs more than me. If you’re a person and you way more than me and would like to get into it, fine, bring it on. Even if I thought I would lose, I’d rather get beat down than send the wrong message by not at least trying to defend myself. Not defending yourself basically says, “Do it again, cuz I won’t fight back.”

So much for being able to call this place quieter than Maricopa!

Still no job calls for Tom. I asked if he’s stressed out yet, and he said no, not unless there are still no calls by the 1st. Worst-case scenario, he never gets a job, the unemployment eventually expires, and we kill ourselves so we don’t have to die slowly and miserably on the streets and or shelters. Ain’t life grand? Yeah, it’s so damn nice to know we can die in the comfort of our own bed as the carbon monoxide from the charcoals quickly shuts our brains down!

I jumped up a couple of pounds because I’ve been horribly stuck lately and took a couple of days off of dieting. Oh well. I’ll get back on track soon enough.

I decided that since I’m so much busier these days, it’s a waste of time to enter the daily sweeps every day. Multiple entries really don’t up your chances of winning. It isn’t how many entries you’ve got, it’s how many entries other people have got. So I wiped out most of my dailies from My Sweeps, keeping only the instants and the huge cash prizes.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2008 ¡Un otro gana bien (another good win)! I almost didn’t get to today’s entry because I’ve been so busy. Busy with the usual work and chores, plus picking out what I wanted from the cooking site I won from. It was actually a consolation prize. They had an instant sweep and it told me I won a coupon for a free Bird’s Eye Steamfresh meal for two on one page, then the next page told me I wasn’t a winner and to try again the next day. So I complained, along with others who were experiencing the same glitch, and was surprised with this generous consolation prize. At first I thought they’d send the coupon, plus maybe an extra one. Then I thought they weren’t going to do anything since I hadn’t heard from them and there are a lot of scam sweeps going on now due to the economy. But today I got the email with the prize code and was like, wow, that’s quite a consolation!

It’s a pretty big site and there was much to go through. We’ve been talking about getting a new deep fryer for too many years now, so I got one of those, plus a fruit and veggie slicer they call a Mandoline. It slices, shreds and juliennes. I especially like it for slicing potatoes!

Speaking of food, I’ve been rather fatigued from having under 1000 calories a day for several days in a row, so I ate a little more today. Better to lose weight slower and feel better, than to lose it faster and be tired.

Got a letter from Mary. She says I should email my mother and maybe accept the spa win and go see her, but as I’ll be reminding her in my letter to her, A, the spa turned out to be a scam. B, my mother decided she doesn’t want anything to do with me. C, I don’t want anything to do with those who don’t want anything to do with me. D, I don’t know what my mother’s email addy is. E, I appreciate her saving our asses, but I don’t wish to associate with anyone even remotely like her.

I did find a couple of email addresses for a certain black bitch that once made my life a living hell when I got curious and searched various names and various sites. You can only get so much info without a premium membership, but I did find a couple on the sick bitch and couldn’t resist sending her my MD journal link. Whether or not she’ll really get it and check it out, I’ll never know. I would think she’d be curious. If she is, she’s not going to leave me any feedback about it. She’ll run to her pig pal instead or some other pig.

Mary says she’s pretty sure my family’s reading my journal out of natural curiosity, being someone they know, especially their daughter. She says they’d be curious as to how they’re described and what’s going on with my life.

I asked Tom what he thought and he has no idea.

Ugh, damn bugs! You KNOW you’re not in a seasonal climate when bugs are attracted to your monitor in November.

It’s under 80º in here now, so I can turn the fan off.

Anyway, I go back and forth between thinking yes, they’re reading my journals, and no they’re not. It’s easy for me to think they’re not because if they’re not interested in keeping in touch with me, then why bother with the journals? But I also think they are because they’re only human, and it’s a way of keeping in touch without really keeping in touch. I know that if I suddenly knew that someone I personally knew had a journal, even if I hated their guts, I’d be naturally curious. It’s just normal human nature, even though my mother doesn’t always do the so-called “normal” thing, so I’ll never really know. I don’t even know if they bothered giving the link to Tammy, but if they did, she’d be more likely to check it out. I’ll admit the idea of it is rather amusing, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. I like to write and so my journals will go on even if no one ever reads another word again.

Jessie’s been busy but is okay. She says her husband infested their computer with all kinds of viruses, so she doesn’t use it much. She also said she’s not looking forward to the week she’ll be spending in Vegas at all because all she’ll be doing is working. She won’t even have much time to eat and sleep. It sucks that we won’t be able to see each other, but oh well.

The dogs were going crazy again at sundown, but I was surprised to learn they were quiet all morning, according to Tom. They’ve also been quiet since it’s been dark, but they could go off anytime. Tom said he heard them in back calling their dogs when he was in the bathroom.

In other news, no job news yet for Tom, who plans to hit the local job center. Unlike in Oregon, though, he can do it online here which is definitely more convenient.

Hopefully, the horseracing testing will keep doing as well as it has been so he doesn’t have to work anywhere but right here, and we can get our own place! I’m not moving with less than 20K, though. Not after what happened the last two times we changed states!

Let’s see, other than the usual ear and teeth pain, plus my annoying ingrown toenail, I’m doing ok. I ended up being up forever yesterday and only sleeping for 5 hours, so I’ll probably crash earlier and sleep longer tonight.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2008 13 pounds bite the dust! My waist is down 4” so far.

Today’s been quieter dog-wise because of the heat. As it is they’re saying it could be 85º tomorrow. Ah, but that’s still not hot enough for me! If the horseracing program works out or I win big, we’re going back to the desert! If we really ever get to build/buy our own place, it’ll probably be in the California desert around the Death Valley area. You know, where Charles Manson and his “family” holed up on some ranch.

The program will be in the testing phase for about a month. We know better than to jump the gun and get our hopes up after just a couple of good days. I hope this is finally it, though, I really do! Even if it were dead quiet here all the time, this place is still too old and definitely too small. In today’s test picks, if he’d have bet $18 for real, he’d have profited by $8. Had he bet $144, he’d have profited by just over $300. Had he bet $400, that would’ve made an $1100 profit!

It’s rather ironic that right after we reapply the Return to Sender spell we get good news from Unemployment, plus these awesome test results.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2008 We got a letter from Unemployment today saying we’d be getting $300 a week! Tom said that’s way better than the $230 he expected. We don’t know yet if we’ll need to pawn the TV and one of the Macs, but if we’re really careful, we could make it on $300 a week till he finds a new job. That’s only $75 less than he was taking home, and since he hasn’t been driving 45 minutes a day or more, he’s been saving on gas. It lasts for 6 months, but we know he’ll certainly have a job by then.

Jasmine said that while she can understand that having to pawn things may be humiliating, you gotta do what you gotta do to save yourselves, and there’s nothing humiliating about escaping death or the streets.

She’s got a point there! We’ve all gotta do things we don’t want to do, and the humiliation of pawning things could never compare to the sorrow, fear and just downright horror of having to kill ourselves to escape a slow, miserable death on the streets. No one wants to die. I just hope we won’t continue to be teased about our survival like this every so often. The stress is a killer! It still is a little scary and it probably will be until he gets hired wherever.

Anyway, the reason the unemployment checks are this high is because of all the overtime he was getting for a while back in the motel.

I won a Blu-ray movie and got another coffee sample. It’s a dark roast, so I don’t know if I’ll like it. I can’t believe the amount of coffee I’ve been winning and receiving samples of lately!

In gay news, they’re protesting up a storm, but I’ve still got to see them conquer all the bigots of this world before I’ll believe they ever will. Some say what happened here was the best thing because it stirred up lots of support all over the country, but until gays have a full bag of rights in every state, I don’t see any improvement coming anytime soon.

The only bad thing, other than the stress of being unemployed of course, is the barking. It’s been terrible lately. Just terrible. Even worse than Oregon in some ways. Like I said, I’m not sure Jesse’s returning to work is a good thing after all. I like how it doesn’t give him as much time to come down and bug us, but it’s just as noisy, so what’s the point?

I’m also not sure if we’re better off here than in the city. I guess maybe we still are because it’s cheaper here. Besides, we can deal with the dogs, but there’s nothing we could do about all the car stereos and door-slamming in the city. Then again, if we do shoot the dogs, it’d only be a matter of time before they got new ones. People just don’t care. I don’t know why they’d get dogs just to toss them outside 24/7 and risk someone getting as fed up as we are, but that’s just what they do around here. They get dogs, they throw them outside, and they basically forget about them. And if the neighbors have a problem with it, tough shit.

We’ll have to just wait and see what kind of job he gets and then weigh the pros and cons of moving or staying. I know I’m just sick of moving and sick of this shit following us every fucking place we go! Then again, if he gets a shitty-paying job, we’ll HAVE to stay here. This is a classic example of how I can’t believe some things don’t happen for a reason. No one “happens” to get this shit everywhere they go. This is a definite curse and it’s been on me since the early 90s. I’m sick of running as I said. We’re not the problem here, the dogs are. So I think we should take care of the problem. If we leave and find a quiet place, we may have a bigger more modern place, but it’d only cost more and it too, would get noisy in just a few months, so we may as well stay put, face the problem and deal with it. The only thing is that it might be a while before we’ve got the money to deal with it properly, the only way it can be dealt with.

For now, we’re not going to say anything in case we need a few days extra to pay the rent, but Jesse needs to control his own dogs, too. They’ve been barking like crazy, more than the renter’s dogs. I don’t know what kind of setup he has up there, but I’d like to see if we can get him to put the dogs on the other side of the house.

Tom’s been taking this extra free time to work on the horseracing program. Not wanting to jump the gun again until it’s been tested enough, he’s been making picks without betting, and so far it looks good. It’s seemed that way before, though, so it still needs more testing time.

Wouldn’t it be oh so wonderful if I was wrong? I mean first I thought what happened last year happened to reunite my family and I, then I came to fear it was just preparation for death after all, only it would be a year later. Well, wouldn’t it be nice if this layoff was meant to be so he could have more time to fine-tune the program?!

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2008 Tom had originally planned to sell the TV on Craigslist if necessary, but then he was like, wait a minute. We’ve got a $1000 TV and two $1200 Macs. All it would take is one Mac and the TV to pay the rent, so while he still thinks some job will come through for him before we have to do that, that’s what we’re going to do if need be. He could always pull out one of the old monitors from the shed if he had to till he could buy them back. It’s a bit humiliating to have to be reduced to playing “pawn it” yet again, but at the same time, I thank God for pawn shops!

We’re not completely out of the woods yet (yes, I know that sounds funny since we live in the woods), but things aren’t looking as hopeless as they were.

Unfortunately, no one called today, but Tom said that Fridays are always iffy for interviews. Meanwhile, the unemployment should kick in soon, and while he still thinks the temp agency will come through first, he’s excited about Best Buy and Sears, which he applied for online because they would have excellent benefits. He’s also going to the local job hunt center on Monday and will be within good signal range should he get a call to go in for an interview. He feels that because he’s older and a Vet they’ll really push to get him a job.

Part of what was stressing me out so badly was this huge misunderstanding I had about his past online efforts at getting a job. A few months ago Tom put in job applications and not one of them responded. I was freaking out wondering how the hell he could possibly get a job in a few days or even a few weeks if no one would give him a job for months. That’s when he explained to me about a certain boo-boo he made at the online job search company he used. He wasn’t aware of it for a while and thought the lack of calls was due to the economy. Anyway, he said he wouldn’t work for less than 40K a year! And I guess this company doesn’t let you fix things like this and so now he couldn’t use this service for 6 months to a year. I had to admit it was funny and it felt good to laugh after being so stressed out. So he was asking for 40K at jobs that said they paid $9 an hour! LOL, I just hope this wasn’t a case of divine guidance in a bad kind of way, though, designed to hold us back.

Of course I also had to freak out a bit at the thought of being denied unemployment, but Tom says that’s not possible. He quit his job in Oregon, but here he was laid off. There’s a difference, so we’ve learned. When it comes to jobs and taxes and things like that Oregon and California are like two different countries!

As much as I hate a zillion things in life, I’d still prefer to live. Even if that means having to deal with the renter’s shit like we did today. They fired 3 shots. Tom said he couldn’t tell where it was coming from since gunshots are so loud (it was loud alright), saying that it could’ve come from up at the summit. Sure sounded like it was down in the canyon to me. On the flip side, though, the dogs were quiet all day. It was nearly 80º today, so that was part of it. I swear I wish it would either be hot all the time or rain 24/7! The Klammers are going down to 27º tonight while we still haven’t even come close to freezing. The rain we had sure greened things up a bit around here.

With the pawnshop giving me a bit more hope of rescuing us, I reentered the land of the living a little more today. I didn’t work on my story, but I entered sweeps, did laundry and even cleaned most of the place. I ran too, and went back on my homemade timer diet, ready to kill the 13th pound.

Jasmine says her idea of reincarnation makes it so that if you commit suicide to get out of something, you will have to face that same pain again in your next life. She believes that life is a challenge for every person and that by the end of it, our souls get wiser because we have learned what it is we came into the world to learn in the first place. She doesn’t think the lesson is exactly the same for each person. So when she has thought of suicide as a way out, she didn’t do it because she strongly feels that whatever she’s running from now will definitely find her again and she would have to deal with it anyway. So her argument for “preparing to die” would be that no one is preparing to die but rather everyone is preparing for the next step, the next lesson, the next challenge(s). We’re all working to become better beings and you can’t become something better in just one life so that’s why she believes in reincarnation.

I still don’t believe in reincarnation myself.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2008 Got up at 7:00 and it’s been terrible around here so far. Just terrible. I haven’t seen them yet, but the renter’s dogs are going off and stirring up Jesse’s dogs and so it’s been a non-stop symphony of barking ever since. It’s going to be warm today, so hopefully the heat will shut them up in a few hours from now.

I can’t believe some people, though! I mean that’s really asking for someone to shoot the fucking things! Some people really just don’t give a damn about those around them or even what may happen to their own pets. And sooner or later they’re going to kill someone’s chickens or get into something and someone around here will shoot them. It’s just a matter of time. I can only hope it happens soon because I’m just itching to get a gun and do it myself!

Meanwhile, if Tom gets that job we’ll have a tough decision to make. If noise is going to follow us everywhere we go, maybe we should get out of here and listen to it in a bigger, newer place without the landlord in the picture to conveniently bug us so often. Or maybe we should stay put and continue to put up with it because this place is cheaper and we can save money faster.

Later…

It got into the 80s in here and we had to run the cooler for a while. Meanwhile, just when we thought that for the first time in 16 years, we found a place where barking wouldn’t be an issue, the dogs have been stirring each other up every couple of hours or so. So it’s not much quieter with Jesse back at work. There just has to be a problem everywhere we go. No one’s going to do anything about these dogs. Not the owners, not Jesse, not Animal Patrol, not anyone. It’s going to have to be up to us, but it’s looking more and more unlikely that we’ll get the chance. So that’s one less thing we’ll have to deal with, I remind myself, every time I get sad, mad or scared knowing that our number’s almost up. That and the fact that we’ll get to die in the comfort of our bed and not on the bathroom floor of a motel.

I can’t believe I named the last chapter of my autobiography Paz en las Maderas! We’re at anything but “peace in the woods.” But Tom isn’t ready to face it yet. He said he’d rather not discuss it or make any final plans till after he gets to watch the last car race of the season on Sunday.

Instinctively I start to think of ways out of this mess, but then I’m like, hey! This is bullshit! I’m not going to be reduced and humiliated into begging and pleading for our lives and our survival every 1-3 years! This is utterly ridiculous! I’m sick of being teased with life! It’s maddening, just utterly maddening. In another week, if we last that long, I would think I’ll have descended way down into the bowels of insanity by then. My will to fight to live is already slipping away, so why not my sanity too, right?

I’ve decided that the last things I want to do during my final days on earth is diet, exercise or clean. But dieting is what I’m used to, running makes me feel good, and I hate a dirty, dusty house. I also said I wasn’t going to sweep anymore, but I’ve been doing it just to be doing something. I can’t concentrate on my stories, so We’ll Meet Again Someday, The Influencer and Rainbow Dreams will just have to remain unfinished.

Some would say that suicide is a cowardly thing, but if not wanting to be on the streets means I’m a coward, then so be it. I’d rather be a dead coward, than alive on the streets until it killed us, and eventually it would. Maybe not Tom, but it would kill me for sure.

I’m pretty emotional right now as the pros and cons of living versus dying run through my head in torrents. I want to live to see if my husband and I can one day own our own home again, but I don’t want to live for my eyes to get any worse. I want to lose more weight, but I don’t want to listen to the barking fits day after day. I want to get ahead, but I don’t want to get kicked back like we do every time we get ahead.

I still wonder about the afterlife. Is there any such thing? The last thing I believe in is reincarnation, but if that’s what happens then maybe I’ll be born to a family who truly loves and accepts me as I am next time around. Maybe there won’t be any foster homes or funny farms. Maybe I won’t have a sleep disorder that gets worse with time and that prevents me from working outside of the house and doubling our income. If there is an afterlife, but it’s not reincarnation, I hope to hell there’s no such thing as money there! Money has a way of killing people.

People say I should focus on my blessings when things get rough and remind myself that I have Tom, I can sing, I’m good with languages, I can draw, I can play instruments, I can dance, I learn faster and easier than most people, I’m still prettier than most, I’m psychic, I’m a good writer and a damn good actress, too. But none of these things can save Tom and I in the end.

Later…

I won’t miss getting older and grayer, but I’ll miss my favorite websites.

We reapplied the Return to Sender spell. I don’t know if it’ll help save us any more than the bamboo plants or my spells and prayers will, but we’ll see. I wish we got around to picking up a horseshoe, but we never did.

I just can’t shake the feeling that yes, things do happen for a reason, and what happened last year happened to help prepare me to die with my husband so we don’t have to die on the streets in a much slower, agonizing way. But can anyone ever really be prepared to die?

I also can’t shake the feeling that I was crazy for thinking there was a good God after all that gave a damn about us. Was I really just a naïve, silly little fool in that department?

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2008 I’m so bummed out right now. I can’t believe we came this far just to quite possibly end up dead since we don’t want to lose everything and live in shelters or on the streets. I still don’t have doom vibes, I haven’t had nightmares, but no one called at all today. Tom thinks he’ll hear something by noon tomorrow. Let’s hope he’s right!

Then again, do I really want to be saved this time? Would it matter if we had family who cared enough to save us? My mother, for some reason, decided she didn’t want anything to do with us after she helped us last year, so there’s no way I can see her helping us now. Besides, we can’t go running to others for help every year or two. We’ve got to either sink or swim on our own, and if he doesn’t get a job in time to save us, we’ll just have to sink.

His family quit caring about us years ago and made it clear that they would never again be there for us to help us if we ever needed it, and our friends, who don’t live in the area, aren’t able to help us even though I’m sure they would if they could.

So we are right where we were the day they laid him off, waiting to see what happens. Again, I’m not sure that I totally want saving this time. I’m just so tired of trying to get ahead just to get kicked back like this, especially if that good-paying job doesn’t hire him real soon. Quiet or not, I don’t want to live in old bummy places all my life. I don’t want to save and save and save just to end up struggling anyway. I don’t want to grow old and deal with the problems old age brings. I have enough problems as it is with my ear and teeth. I don’t want to have to worry about who’s going to take care of us when we get too old to fend for ourselves.

So I guess I’m okay with whatever happens. There are pros and cons to both living and dying, and I got to do the things I wanted to live to do anyway when we were in the jam we were in last year. I got to listen to my stereo again, have my stuff and wear the clothes that had been packed for so long, hang my wind chimes, etc. So as sad and as scary as it still may be, I’m ready to move onto the next plane, whatever that may be, if that’s what it comes down to.

Death has always scared me. Any form of death at any age has always been a terrifying thought because we can never really know for sure what happens afterward until we’re actually dead. Maybe God really does hate gays and I’ll go to hell for the half a dozen women I’ve been with, even if all but two were one-night stands. Maybe I’ll just float about, able to drop in on anyone or anyplace I want. Maybe I’ll be reincarnated. Maybe I’ll just sink into total nothingness. The point is the same, I’m going to find out someday anyway, so does it really matter when it happens if it can keep us from being homeless? There are just as many bad things in life to escape in our 40s and 50s as there would be in our 70s and 80s.

We would prefer for him to get a better job, for me to win more like I used to before the economy went to hell, for me to be able to go to a dentist, and for us to one day buy a home of our own. But life isn’t usually what we plan it to be. Most folks don’t want to believe this, but it’s true.

We got $100 worth of propane, so at least we won’t have to die cold if it does come down to the streets or death, although the afternoons have been nice. I’ve got the windows open now, the fan running, and I’m not wearing much either. Propane’s down a bit, too. Last time it was $2.34 a gallon and now it’s $1.99.

The dogs haven’t been as barky as I thought they’d be, not used to Jesse being gone all day, and I got a small win in the mail. Just air freshener and Ziploc bags for steaming veggies in the microwave. I guess it’s better than nothing.

Meanwhile, It’s back to waiting on death row. Are we going to make it or not? Guess time will tell and whatever’s meant to be will be as I’ve said before.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2008 Jesse ended up engine-gunning as usual yesterday, but no one came down here. His dogs have been barking on and off since I got up at 6:00, but right now he’s the least of my concerns. I wish I could have slept longer so I wouldn’t have to deal with reality!

The phone rang while we were talking yesterday, but instead of it being a job for Tom, it was a year’s supply of baby wipes for me. I use wet wipes mainly to freshen up during periods, so I figured if these can be used on babies, why not me? So I’ll be getting 24 70-count packs and 12 tubes of cream. Hope I live to get to use them all! What’s funny is that it’s an ongoing daily sweep in which they pick a monthly winner each month, and I quit entering a long time ago, focusing on mostly big prizes. So I’m winning what I haven’t entered for, in a sense.

I hit 135 lbs which I should be happy about. I am, but I wasn’t supposed to hit it because I was too stressed out to eat much, not knowing if we were going to live or die. So much for thinking there wouldn’t be a “next time.” And after we scrambled to save as much as we could to prevent this from happening all over again! Are we being punished for escaping the city yet again, or does something up there just love to tease us that badly financially? Why can’t we just live in peace?!?! Why are we so destined to struggle in poverty like little lazy bums?! Well, we’re NOT lazy, we’re NOT drunks, we’re NOT druggies, so why does this happen to us every few years?! If we can never get rich, why can’t we at least have enough to live on?!

I know a lot of people would be quick to say that suicide is not the answer, and I agree that for most people it isn’t because most people have families who give a damn about them. Tom and I have no family that cares and the few friends we have that would help us if they could, aren’t exactly in the position to do so. Imagine if it was you who was suddenly faced with either losing everything and living on the streets, or dying. I would think most people would agree that the streets are no place to be. That’s just no way to live at all! We would still prefer to be ok, but what’s meant to be is going to be no matter how hard we try to survive. We just may not be meant to live anymore, depending on what happens. And I think I know what’s going to happen. I think it’s kind of obvious. Unlike Tom, I still think things happen for a reason, and I thought that what happened last year happened in order to bring me and my family back together again, but now it looks like it was to prepare me to die. God, or whatever, knew we weren’t meant to live much longer. We only got an extension, not a reprieve. So once again the “trigger-happy psycho” has his gun pointed at our heads, and I can only hope for a miracle to remove it before he squeezes the trigger. Tom could probably make it on the streets, but I certainly can’t. He always promised me he wouldn’t let me die alone, and so that’s why we’d both go together if we do end up backed into the corner I think we’re being pushed into. We’ll know for sure in a few weeks.

Tom tells me that I should have a positive attitude and go on living as normal until and if the end truly comes, but that’s very hard for me to do. Why enter to win prizes I’ll probably never be able to receive?

I can’t believe there isn’t a law that requires temp companies to replace their laid-off workers! As I’ve always said, though, we have so many laws we shouldn’t have, and we lack so many we should have. Yet unless a miracle happens and he’s able to start a new job no later than next Monday, despite the horrible economy, I don’t see any way out of this jam. Therefore, I’ve got to try my hardest to focus on the bad things in life we’ll no longer have to deal with and not the good things we’ll miss. I won’t live to see my 43rd birthday on the 4th, but I won’t get another period either. Yes, I wanted to lose more weight now that I finally found a diet that works for me, but I won’t have to be hungry anymore. I won’t have to deal with my ear and teeth anymore, and if we have to go, now’s the best time of year to go, since December and January will be cold.

It’s still a terrifying thought; the thought of actually going through the steps to kill ourselves, which I’m not going to get into now, then the dying process, then whatever afterlife may await us. I just hope it’s better than this if nothing saves us!!!

Later…

Now we’re not safe from Jesse even after dark! The pest came storming down in his truck right before dark, obviously a little tipsy and very mad, cussing up a storm, saying he was just in back complaining to the people about their dogs running loose all over this land and stirring up his own dogs. Apparently, they gave him a hard time, not surprisingly, insisting their dogs are little sweethearts. But they refuse to tie them up so obviously they don’t have a problem with someone getting fed up enough to shoot them.

Jesse said he was calling the cops and would send them down here so we could back him up, but they never came down. They only went up to his place which is fine with us. You know how we feel about pigs. The pest himself came down again, this time on the ATV, to ask that we call Animal Patrol if we see them. He said, “We could get in a brawl and I could go to jail,” which has probably happened before from the feeling I get, but as he added in the end, he’d rather they just keep the damn things tied up. So do we, but as we didn’t need to bother pointing out to him, people who let their dogs run loose in the first place could care less about what happens to them, or how their neighbors feel about it, and they’re not easily bullied by Animal Patrol either. Still, we’ll definitely call them.

I got the impression he was out all day today because there were tons of barking on and off all day that I feared the cooler weather would bring. It seems to be that we get engine-gunning when he’s here and barking when he’s not. And he’s not going to be here tomorrow. He’s FINALLY going back to work tomorrow, so he says. Hopefully, his extra income will make him all the more willing to work with us if we have any real setbacks, but with the call that came at 4:00, we’re hoping there won’t be any.

The temp agency called and asked for his resume to be sent to a company here in Auburn that makes ceramics. He’d be working 3rd shift, lifting and getting very dirty to the tune of $13.20 an hour. He’d settle for any job, but $13.20 an hour would be awesome! And it would enable us to move if things ever got ugly with the neighbor curse that obviously still hasn’t gone away, even if it’s not technically our neighbors. God, I hope there aren’t any real problems there! We don’t need to get caught in the middle of anyone else’s shit. We really want to stay here until and if we can own our place again.

Most of the morning I spent feeling stressed and doomed. I couldn’t help thinking that just when I was proud of myself for not getting anything but incense for several months, which doesn’t cost much, this shit has to happen. While there are always things we’d like to have, I have been disciplining myself really well and haven’t even wanted dolls lately. When we get so much of something, even if it’s a good thing, we tend to get sick of it. And I’ve definitely had my fill of dolls and my share of dusting them, too. So to be rewarded with financial ruin after being so good about saving, even if I don’t always get the cheapest groceries, would really suck.

To try to calm me and reassure me, Tom pointed out that I hadn’t had any death dreams, which was true. Then at around 10:00, the feeling of doom and gloom suddenly lifted. I didn’t exactly have any positive vibes either, and I still don’t since we’re not officially out of the woods until and if he’s hired before the money runs out, but then the call came and so hopefully he’ll start there real soon. No psychic is perfect, but I definitely have better feelings than I did earlier. He applied for jobs online, including Walmart, and plans to go out hunting in person tomorrow, but hopefully this company will save him the time and gas and just have him come in for an interview tomorrow morning. It would be awesome money, and we’d save a ton of gas. We don’t know if insurance is included, but if not, we should be able to save a hell of a lot faster to get me into a dentist with him working here for $13.20 than with him working in Rocklin for $10.

If Jesse’s working 1st shift, and if Tom works 3rd shift, that may keep Tom from being woken up by him since he’d do most of his sleeping during 1st shift hours. Of course, he could still be a pest after 3:00 or whenever it would be that he got home, plus weekends.

We saw tons of dead trees along the side of the drive when we went to the store and the mail place yesterday. I can see where it would be a lot of work and why it has to be done, too. Dead trees like that could fall across the drive or hit cars and cause all kinds of headaches.

The propane people had an emergency call today, so they said they’d be out first thing in the morning.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to have the positive attitude Tom wants me to have and consider the fact that it’s unlikely the temp lady would’ve asked that he submit his resume for this company if there wasn’t a good chance of him getting the job. I mean, certainly she’s got to have asked for it for a reason, right? Well, I’ll certainly be praying and doing spells!

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2008 It’s happening all over again, and once again this could be the beginning of the end for us. Just the other day I was telling Tom how it still seemed like he was forever trapped at Comtek without one of us winning big. He couldn’t get fired back when our lives were on the line last year and he’d be late due to lack of gas money, he couldn’t quit because no one else was hiring, and he couldn’t even get laid-off, which he said a part of him wished would happen since there’s a company right here in town that makes LCD lights for slot machines that are hiring that the same temp company is involved with. But you can’t have a temp company transfer you, so unless they laid him off, we knew he was pretty much stuck there until more people started hiring.

Well, they did lay him off. So we’re either on the path to something better for us or on the path to death if the money runs out before we can build ourselves back up since we both agreed we’re not going to live on the streets. I simply can’t. I’m just not cut out for that.

He’s got an application in for the Auburn job which pays a dollar more at $11, and while I know they could call him about it today and things could turn out amazingly well for us, things aren’t usually that easy for us. Or that quick. Things slowly get worse before they slowly get better. The problem is that while we have enough money for food and gas, we’ve only got half the rent money so far, so if things go too slow, we’re TOTALLY fucked. Unemployment would help us for no more than about a month. So here we are again, quite possibly back on death row, and all we can do is hope for a reprieve but try to focus on the good there would be in escaping this crazy world if we can’t go on and it’s either kill ourselves or be on the streets. I was the one who just said the other day how I sometimes thought of killing myself because of how twisted this world is. I was the one who said I didn’t want to grow old and arthritic, with no one to help us or care for us in any way.

Like any human being, I’d rather be able to live and be successful, but what’s meant to be is going to be no matter what. All we can do is try our best. I had stopped my daily prayers to God on Election Day because I was upset with Him for not helping gays. Well, coincidence or not, my ear and teeth have been bothering me since, and now this. So while I’m still upset with Him, and I’m still sorry gays are getting so shitted upon, I’ve got to think of Tom and I first. Tom said it wouldn’t hurt to pray for both. If praying to Him or to whatever forces may hear my prayers means making a better life for us, then so be it. I feel strange praying to something that could allow for the things that have happened to us and to others, but as I said, if that’s what it takes to keep things running smoother, then I shall pray every day as usual and hope that last year wasn’t just a preparation for what could come within a month or two from now.

Meanwhile, just in case Tom and I don’t get to ring in 2009 together, I’m doing what I did last year in the motel. I’m gathering contact info. I hate to put our suicides on Jesse if that’s what it’s going to come down to, but I’ll make sure I leave a note so that our families can access my online journals, our photos, and then decide what to do with our stuff and our bodies. I realize that my parents may want to bury me in Massachusetts while his mom may want him to return to Arizona, but we’re ok with that. When you’re dead, you don’t need your body anymore, so it won’t matter what anyone does with them.

I can’t believe this shit is happening all over again! And if we do survive this one, are we just going to be teased with our survival every year or so?! We also have to pay car insurance and get more propane this month, too.

I can’t help but think of something I’ve been saying for a long time now; that it’s only the good places that are hard to stay in. If this was a noisy apartment, would this be happening? I hate it when the dogs go off, and I hate it when Jesse guns his engines, but I certainly don’t hate it here overall.

Speaking of dogs, Tom said he heard one of them squealing in pain while I had the music on. I hope someone killed one of the renter’s dogs. Then again, if they hurt one of Jesse’s, maybe that’s what it’ll take for someone to finally do something about them.

I’m too stressed out to write much more at the moment!

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2008 So Jesse came down yesterday morning after 11:00 to tell Tom that he’s going to bring trees that he’s cut down up to his place to be cut up, then drag the drive with the bulldozer.

Now why did he have to come down today to tell us what he told me yesterday? Does he not think I can tell Tom what he tells me?

Just when I thought something came up, since it was fairly quiet most of the afternoon, the damn kid comes down at around 3:00 on the ATV. He was down twice and I don’t know if he was just looking for something in the shit pile or what because he was in and out awfully fast. Please don’t tell me the thing’s going to come down just for the fun of it!

I’m so glad it’s getting darker earlier, but a part of me wishes it would rain 24/7 just because I’m sick of all the shit he does around here, and I’m sick of him coming down here, even if it’s gotten to be less often. He’s never going to leave us alone for more than a month!

It used to be that if he didn’t bother us by around 1:00, I could pretty much count on him not coming down for the rest of the day. But now his kid is coming down later in the afternoon, and so now I have to consider the possibility of being woken up or having my peace disrupted then, too. Next thing I know he’s going to start bugging us after dark!

I still don’t get the impression he wants to work elsewhere. I think he’s rich be it by inheritance or whatever, and he knows he doesn’t really need to work. It kind of burns me up to know that Tom’s slaving his ass off to give him money he doesn’t need while we struggle to save so I can finally get to a dentist! Finger injury or not, he hasn’t worked since we came here last April. That’s not a sign of a person who needs/wants to work.

I sometimes still think it might be a good idea to keep my eyes peeled as to what else may be out there. I just don’t think we could find anything this quiet, and I definitely don’t think we could find anything this cheap. Not in this state! And even if we could, how would we know the people would be honest with us up front about “the neighbor?” Then again, had Maryann told us who “the neighbor” really was when we first came to check the place out, it’s not like she’d have added that he sometimes gets noisy, can be quite a pest and that no matter how much I ask that he call before rudely coming down, he’s just going to ignore me.

But is he ignoring me, or is he just too damn stupid to get it? I mean, what can he possibly not get about the words, “Please call first when it comes to non-emergencies.”

Either way, he’s not getting the gift card. As I told Maryann in the email I sent, I later discovered that our name and address were on the card. Therefore, it is not transferable. I apologized for getting anyone’s hopes up, and let her know I had books, CDs and DVDs that I’d be willing to sell, but not to worry if she wasn’t interested as we’ll eventually take them to swap meets.

Hey, at least I had shorts on, the windows open, the fan going, and it’s November!

Tom believes that the things that happen to people are simply random events and that God doesn’t control our individual lives. He said if everyone’s life were the same, then he’d believe there was a plan, but because there’s so much diversity in life, he doesn’t think there is any plan.

I asked him why he thought some of the things I’ve prayed for were granted, like that time I was praying for the pawnshop to buy the diamond when we had to play poor-assed bums on the street if he didn’t think God controlled things within our lives. He explained that he didn’t think our prayers literally went to God but to various forces. He could have a point there, but as for destiny, I’m not sure what I believe anymore. It’s hard to believe certain things are just happenstance. It seems we’re all blessed and cursed in certain areas of our lives and sometimes it’s hard not to believe it isn’t supposed to be that way for whatever reason.

Later…

It’s after 10:00 now, so anything goes as far as Jesse goes for the next 7 hours. I appreciate his waiting till Tom’s up, but I don’t think he realizes just how annoying he can be even when we are up with the racket he makes, and especially with coming down here.

Meanwhile, I have a case of writer’s block. I know where I’m going with the rest of the story I’m working on, but can’t seem to figure out the best way to tie up loose ends. Oh well, I guess I’ll figure it out soon enough. Writing books never gets easier. We may get better at it, but it doesn’t get easier.

Later…

OMG, Andy left two messages! His number didn’t show up at all, though, because he apparently forwarded it to our machine. I guess he didn’t want to talk to me directly. He started off by saying he didn’t mean to sound like Chin Fatt Kong’s little sister which made me grin. The messages were basically about the tape I made of his voicemail messages. I don’t know if the tape got damaged or what, but he thinks I have a full 90-minute tape of these messages, yet as I told him in the letter I’m sending Marla, I sent all I had of his messages. He insists that there are blank spots throughout the whole tape and that there are only 10 minutes on each side. I also told him that all I do have are old pranks and edits which we burned onto CDs years ago.

He also seems to think I was mad at him and set out to deliberately punish him. I can see where he would certainly feel that way, but as I tried to explain to him, I wasn’t mad or trying to hurt him in any way when we moved and I basically “wiped the past clean” by walking away from everyone I knew.

He said receiving the tape is the only chance I have of him forgiving me for hurting him, but since I can’t send him a tape I don’t have, I don’t expect to hear from him again or for him to visit the links I enclosed. I gave him the links to my online journal at MD and Webshots.

Lastly, I told him that while nothing could undo me dumping him or hurting him, I am very sorry for being an asshole. What he does from here on out is up to him. I told him I’d love to know what’s been up with him (and this next part is quoting from my letter), but the phone’s not a good way to go about that. It’s not only the most costly, but we live in a trailer in the woods on an 8-acre parcel of land that’s surrounded by huge mountains and trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers that sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes. That means the metal trim around the trailer interferes with the cell phone’s signal. We do have a landline, but it’s usually full of static. So we don’t use the phones unless we have to. I hope you can write or send an email.

So Tom, who usually goes to the mail place and the store right by it on Saturdays, just took the letter to be mailed to both Mary and Marla, since he didn’t give his own address.

He sounds EXACTLY the same, as both Tom and I agree. As Tom pointed out, it’s kind of sad that he still wants to sit and listen to these tapes after all these years. Mostly because of Quinn of all people, who abused him and then killed himself.

And “tapes?” Sounds like my suspicions about his life being the same year after year like Paula’s might be correct. He probably doesn’t own a computer, an MP3 player, and maybe not even a CD player. He’s probably still broke, waiting tables, and just as loveless as always, getting only sex once in a blue moon. He’s definitely still smoking pot. He sounded high on the phone.

Jasmine and Amy said people shouldn’t forgive others for what they can give them, but out of pure emotion. She has a point there, too. I already gave him what I had of his and so now the rest is up to him. I’m not going to work at convincing him, that’s for sure.

Got a letter from Mary. She still hasn’t heard anything about the case. Gee, what a surprise, huh?

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2008 11 pounds down, 26 more to go!!! That helps make up for some of the sadness, disgust and rage I’ve been feeling. Really, I’ve never hated Mormons & Catholics as much as I do now (no offense to any good ones out there who may be able to live their lives without having to control others who are different than them)! Even though I wouldn’t want to be with anyone other than Tom no matter how much I may flirt or fantasize along the way, I’m still one of “them.” And even if I’d been strictly dickly all my life, I’d still feel the same emotions I feel right now.

Anyway, I knew I was getting ready to hit 136 pounds. I can tell when my body’s getting ready to drop another pound when my end-of-the-day weight doesn’t go up as high as usual. I woke up yesterday just a 10th away from nailing it.

So I’m still upset and appalled by the way gays have been shit on and dehumanized all over the country. What happened in California is definitely the worst thing that happened, but what happened in Arkansas is almost worse than Arizona and Florida. It’s scary when people will spite themselves in order to spite others cuz those can be more dangerous. Half the moms these days are single yet in banning singles from adopting/fostering, they’ve spited their own as well as gays, plus any children involved who just might’ve gone to a loving gay and or single home, versus an abusive all-mighty straight married couple. Don’t be fooled. Just because I’m too selfish to give up my life to kids, not that we could afford to, doesn’t mean I hate them and want to see them suffer!

I had been looking so forward to this election ending because I was getting so damn sick of hearing about it and the people involved, but I STILL see Obama and Palin’s faces everywhere I go on the web!

Yet another victory for blacks and another slap in the face for gays. Sick. Just sick. Blacks continuing to get ahead is fine. It’s fine for anyone to get ahead. But gays getting set back half a decade is not. For a country that has such a bleeding heart for its troublemaking blacks and Hispanics, it sure loves to discriminate against its gays any way it can. I still feel like it will be 20 years at the very least before there are any real obvious signs of progress for them. As it is it took them 25-30 years to go from it being illegal for simply being who they are to being able to marry in just two states. And like I said before, it wouldn’t surprise me if they lose that, too.

To help make up for the sad world we live in a little more, I won a Country Music prize pack valued at $150. It consists of 8 CDs, a book about June Carter Cash autographed by John Carter Cash, a pocket watch, and gourmet coffee.

I also won a PC game Tom’s looking forward to trying out. We’ll sell most of this stuff eventually. I just hope it’ll be by choice and not because our survival depends on it!

Jessie said she doubts she’ll be able to come up and see us in January because she’ll be working 12-14 hours a day.

The annoying Jesse was quiet two days ago and stayed that way till 3:30 yesterday afternoon when his youngest son came down a few times on the ATV to get stuff from his shit pile I wish he’d take up the hill with him. They were cutting trees towards the front section of the land. So again I had to wait to go to sleep, fumigating over there always being something, and wishing the landlord didn’t live here.

Then the renter’s dogs went up and started shit with Jesse’s dogs who chased them off. Then they came down here and Jesse came down when he heard me screaming at them. He recommended we get a gun or a BB gun. Gee, I never would’ve thought of that! He showed me the slingshot he has, saying they’re cheap and you can get them at the Roseville auction. He showed me how to fling a rock with it.

He said he’s looking for work, trying to get in on some new casino and that after next week he won’t be bulldozing, cutting, etc. I have to see it to believe it! I had no idea there’d be so much damn activity on this land! He won’t start till around 11:00, though.

I told him we were getting to the dump on our own, and he said he was going and could take some trash. I told him we’d keep the recyclables for now and he just took the old suitcase that has been on some journeys I definitely don’t care to remember.

I mentioned the flooring GC I won and sure enough, the project junkie said he might be interested if he could see a picture of it. He doesn’t have a PC, so he told me to call Maryann and get her email, which I did. I’ll be sending her a link she says she’ll look at over the weekend.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2008 Right now I am extremely sad, mad, disgusted and ashamed of the bigots of California and the God above that continues to allow gays to get shit on by them. The bigots only won by a few percent, but a win is a win, and so once again it’s back to legal discrimination against gays. I had become so proud of this state, too.

Let me vent about some other issues first.

Jesse’s been driving me absolutely crazy with the engine gunning. I mean CRAZY! Especially today. He was grading the drive and whatever else he could think of for nearly 4 fucking hours and I was forced to be up much later than I’d have liked because the thing was unbelievably loud. He’s become much worse than the dogs. It used to be once a week or so he’d get on my nerves with the engine-gunning, but now it’s every 2-3 days. Sometimes I wonder if we got that good a deal after all. If we’re going to have to listen to people’s shit everywhere we go, we could’ve done it in a more modern place in the convenience of the city. On the other hand, we’d have had to pay utilities and it’s still quiet here more than he’s noisy.

But enough is enough already with all the loud engines! When is it going to stop? And when is this cock going to return to work? He can’t be out of work because of his finger or else he wouldn’t be able to do all the shit he does here. He’s out of work because he’s a rich, spoiled, pampered little boy who can afford to stay home and annoy us. Especially me. Remember, I’m the one who can’t sleep through noise, and I’m the one who works from here.

Tom said he saw the grader parked by the fork and that it’s an old, ancient thing. Great, that means he’s not done yet and that he’ll be at it again around the time I want to go to sleep. I’m tired enough cuz of this asshole! I was up nearly 20 hours and only slept for just over 6 hours. Maybe I ought to call up there at 3:00 in the morning and screw with his sleep for a change.

The MedSpa people have changed their story and are now telling me I wasn’t one of the 3K winners and that I only won a $150 certificate. They’re still scamming assholes. That’s not a prize, that’s a DISCOUNT.

As expected, Barack Obama is now president and I have mixed emotions about that, too. McBigot would’ve been worse, who almost won to my surprise, but I don’t think Obama should’ve been elected simply because he’s black. Yet people have been favoring blacks since the L.A. riots in ’92, and it’s obviously not going to end anytime soon.

The only good thing I’ve seen in all the elections is that women didn’t lose their rights in a couple of states that were trying to ban abortion, and they legalized doctor-assisted suicide in WA. It’s also legal in Oregon. That’s the way it should be everywhere. We put animals to sleep that are suffering, so why not people? Then again, animals do get more rights than some humans, don’t they?

Anyway, gays really got fucked over big time. They reset the constitutional amendments in Florida and Arizona defining marriage as between straights only, and now AR is discriminating against singles from adopting or being foster parents (even though half the kids born these days are to single women what with the way so many guys run when they learn their woman’s pregnant) and admitted it was actually gays they were targeting. So they shit on their own kind to shit on gays.

These bigot’s logic is totally twisted as far as why they think gays shouldn’t marry. They say it will encourage others to be gay, which is pure bullshit. You can’t encourage gayness any more than you can straightness. We are who we are. Period. The day we can choose who we’re attracted to is the day we can choose what flavors and colors we like.

Then they bring up the issue of gays not being able to produce kids, which is also BS or else they wouldn’t adopt or have artificial insemination. The population isn’t rising because more people are having kids, but because people are living longer. If anything fewer women are said to be having kids because of the emphasis on work, the economy, whatever. So if fewer straights are getting married and fewer of them that do are having children, and more children are being born to single mothers, then why aren’t these idiots running to ban straight marriage? After all, it isn’t producing nearly as many children as it was 50 years ago and this seems to be such an issue for them. These assholes are so stuck in a time warp and not only seem to hate gays, but singles, single mothers, and people who are married without kids! If all marriages supposedly produce kids, then I’m amazed they don’t try to keep people like Tom and I who don’t want any from marrying, as well as old people and infertile people. Oh, and of course they’re so sure that gays will raise gays. Like straights only raise straights, right? I can’t believe some people are as dumb as donkeys!

They claim they’re not trying to change what gays do and that they just don’t want them to marry, but that IS trying to change what they do. I agree that it’s ok to hate someone. You can think it, you can say it, you can write it. But you shouldn’t have the right to make their own personal decisions for them! And they shouldn’t be jerked around where sometimes they have rights, sometimes they don’t. Why won’t they either just give them their rights and leave them alone, or forever deny them? Why keep cruelly teasing them and going back and forth?

There have been times I’ve actually thought of killing myself even when things weren’t going all that bad in my own life simply because I’m so sick of living in such a sick, unfair, crazy and twisted world. The whole thing just makes me want to throw up!

Maybe gays should incite a riot. Hey, it worked for the blacks. Ever since ’92, the laws have been favoring them like crazy and they’ve got more rights than whites ever had. A white person can be charged with a hate crime against a black person, but since when have you ever heard of a black person being charged with a hate crime against a white person? You haven’t because reverse discrimination is perfectly legal!

And so all that money was spent on legally discriminating against gays that could’ve gone to the hungry and the homeless. I’m still not sure what money has to do with influencing people’s opinions anyway. I’d still feel the same whether I was rich or poor. Still, if that many people hated me I’d just want to give up and crawl into a closet and just hide away from the world forever. I’ll bet a lot of gays probably feel hopeless right now, too.

Tom said not to let this fool me into thinking that most people hate gays. He insists that most people don’t vote and that most of the people voting are the ones who hate gays. It’s also been said that older people tend to hate them more and that as they die off the world will be a better place for gays, but I have to see it to believe it. For now, it looks like things are getting worse. Tom says it’s only a matter of time before it’s back on the ballot and passes, but what’s the point? It’ll only get shot down again a few months later. What’s the point of getting ahead if you’re going to just be torn down? I also heard that males tended to be more against gays, but they’re more against everything from kids to women’s rights and everything in between so this doesn’t surprise me. I almost wish that only women could be gay because then they might’ve won. Gay women are still more accepted than gay guys.

I agree, though, that while the younger folks may be more loud, rude and obnoxious, they sure are less hateful. And yes, in another 20 years, a lot of bigots should be dead. I know I was thrilled to see the pope go after the way he’d openly flaunt his hatred towards gays.

As Tom and I agree, if most people believe in something, it’s usually for a reason. So I started to wonder what if all these people are right? Could all these people who hate gays so much (and I still think 70 to 80-something percent do, unlike Tom who thinks most people don’t care) be right about God seeing us as evil sinners and sending our souls to burn in hell forever? Tom doesn’t believe in heaven or hell, saying he doesn’t see how any place could be either all bad or all good. I don’t know that I believe in heaven or hell either. I don’t know what to believe. I do know that I’d still rather be who I am and take my chances than be someone I’m not and find it was all for nothing. And while we can never know for sure what, if anything, happens to us after we die, I don’t see why God would create a group of people He hated, as much as the way He allows them to be treated suggests He hates them at least somewhat. I think the fucking bible is what started all this shit. A group of hateful people got together, bashed gays in it, called it God’s word, then managed to brainwash an awful lot of people throughout the decades, and the hate spread like cancer. This is why I know I could never be religious in any way. Too many rules and restrictions that simply make absolutely no sense to me. Seriously, I’m sick of this “the bible says” bullshit. If the bible suddenly said that people must torture and kill their loved ones, would they do it? Probably so! People sicken me. They really do.

Speaking of God, I’m not going to cuss Him out and risk Him retaliating by making our lives as miserable as He helped make it last year, but I’m through praying. No one who can allow for such mean and unfair treatment of gays (and others for that matter) is any friend of mine. When He’s ready to give them a break, then we’ll see. For now, though, if He doesn’t care about groups of people, why would He care about little ole me? It isn’t just my own misfortunes and gay people’s misfortunes that I get fed up with, but what about the children who are still molested and murdered? What about the women who are still beaten and raped? What about arranged marriages and the legal murder of women in the Middle East? Our military now not only legally discriminates against gays, but it now legally tortures people in Cuba! As Tom said, he’s all for executing them, but torture opens the door to all kinds of horrendous possibilities.

Of course, so does the bigot’s victory over gays. This is going to go to their heads. Once they see they can do this in California where there are tons of people, they’re going to go after gays in Massachusetts and Connecticut. Maybe even Jews. Or maybe they’ll just target short people or redheads, anyone they can get away with picking on.

The ban won almost all of SoCal. I was surprised. With all the people down there I’d have thought it’d fail almost as badly as the coast. Again, 10-year-old “singer girl” didn’t dream of this when she’d go California dreamin’! First this state tried to kill us while it drove me batty for 8 months, now this. Tom just said it was cuz there are so many Mexicans down there and they hate gays. Figures, huh? Yet THEY expect to be accepted and treated fairly.

It just enrages me to hear the blacks gloat about yet another historic victory, but what about gays? When are they going to get theirs? I wish to hell someone would assassinate him!

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2008 Jessie said she didn’t think she’d be able to go to that spa because they not only wanted $150, but they want money for treatments that runs between $175 - $3K. What a fucking liar that Lisa is! She said it’d be “no cost” to whoever I recommended. I’m sick of all these scam sweeps the shitty economy has brought about. Usually, they just don’t deliver the prizes, but in this case, it’s not even a “prize.” It’s just an opportunity to buy something very expensive. No wonder my mother hung up on her right away. She was smart enough to know better. So yeah, their not writing isn’t anything personal. It’s like what Tom said; they’re just respecting my wishes about not wanting anything to do with them. Not communicating is what we’ve been used to for the last decade anyway. Besides, no normal mother dumps their kid for something they may say that they disagree with anyway, or else I’d have been dumped before I could get out of diapers. I’m sorry if I judged them too harshly and I’m sorry I was hard on myself at times. I didn’t say anything wrong in my letters. I know it and they know it. But this doesn’t change the fact that I have seriously mixed emotions where they’re concerned. I’m still very grateful that they saved us, but they’re still people I don’t like and that has caused me a lot of pain and misery for many years.

I can’t wait for this fucking election to end! I’m so sick of seeing all the messages of hate all over the web. Everywhere I turn it’s nothing but Obama, Palin and gay marriage bashers galore!

Got the game points that Kiwi owed me. Of course this was right after I put in for a glitter cube mind teaser, not knowing if I’d ever get any more points, but it’d still be nice to have. I just hope they send it because they haven’t sent the CD yet and I never got that sticker sheet either.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2008 I’m so mean, I know, but I just couldn’t help myself. I just had to play with them bigot’s heads at their bullshit “protect marriage” site. In the feedback section, I left a few highly explicit and graphic paragraphs of a highly intimate nature. And I assure you the people getting it on were anything but straight! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!!!!!

Just how do you protect something that was never hurt in the first place anyway??? And I wish people would stop calling the bible God’s word! God didn’t write the bible, people did.

Still raining cats and dogs here and it’s going to be doing that till Tuesday. No need to worry about wildfires now!

Tom and I are having a relaxing weekend. If only my teeth didn’t hurt!

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2008 Woke up at 3:30 to pee. The annoyance up the hill was doing his engine-gunning thing and I thought I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, but I did. Ever since I got up at 6:00 it’s been raining. To see that it was 81º in here put a smile on my face. I’m definitely NOT in Oregon anymore!

[ladysunbite]

@fallesto

The birds sang amidst the trees, and the winter-eyed princess' voice sounded hard and sharp against their careless song. It must be something she longed to ask, for she kept the question under her tongue long enough to be just an idle chatter. Orianna's eyes flickered, catching the light in a way no human eye could, she was more like a bird herself. Something different. Something one might want to put on a leash, if one feared it. The question was a leash. "My purpose is the same as yours. This is my home, whether it treats me kindly or not. Unfortunately, I love it deeply," the vampiress closed her eyes and let the setting sun bask her marble face in its rays, press upon the eyelids, crawl under them and burn...no, not anymore. She got used to it with time. No it only gave her warmth. The winter-eyed princess beside her burned with the rage, blinding, life-giving wrath that keeps one going, sometimes even beyond the point one needed to reach to be safe and sound. "Now I understand why you mean a lot to my little brother," a nod in Sylvia Anna's direction, a sign of pleasure at cracking the riddle. Both the woman and Dettlaff shared the absence of boundaries whence it came to the sense of what was wrong and what was right. If several knights were dishonorable, if they broke the sacred laws, if they left their duchess-to-be to be picked up by wild animals, not even giving her an honour to be slayed as a sacrifice...let one and all burn. Every knight and every vine upon a tree, every child that have been born after the rotten deed and every flower that bloomed since. "You do not acknowledge half measures. It's a rare quality, both captivating and dangerous, like a good sword or a shard of a mirror..." it was the essence of the dreamy duchy, especially once it woke from its dreams. A part of Orianna craved it, longed to return to dancing under the blind never-changing moon, tearing all thoughts of consequences and time apart like an old tapestry, but...it was an old part of hers, that also lied dormant under the rich soil of Toussaint. Let it sleep. "...that would be quite a tale, Your Grand Ducal Highness," she offered in the best manner of a courtier...and added before she could realize the meaning of her words. "...and my deepest delight." why, the woman before her was no more than one of her children, same broken heart and desire to return what was hers. How many cried in her arms for what was taken away from them - their purpose in life, be it a purpose of a peasant child or a queen's daughter? Loosing it was a devastation to one's mind. The sun-eyed vampiress lost it long ago and crafted anew, as did both her athumicas, each one in their own way. The pains were familiar to her. And her children sensed it, and went to her to be cured. Sylvia Anna was more irksome, than pleasing to her, openly ready to tear down the equilibrium the sun-eyed vampiress was getting drunk steadily in centuries. And yet, not once in their time together did she bask away in fear of the nature that flowed beneath the chiseled face, polished manners, and velvet clothing, while the knowledge reflected simple and clear in her cold, wintry eyes. Even her children had to pluck and tear something from their minds, the part that screamed "run", despite the fact that the benevolent mistress proved to mean them no harm again and again. The reason she wore no mask at Mandragora was precisely it - people recognized her by their own, animalistic dread. And ah, how pleasant the absence of that fear and shame was to taste. How surprising. "You are seeking justice, but do you need a throne to obtain it?" The sun was almost sunken beneath the trees. Their loitering at the inn did them no good, but the realization came too late. Orianna didn't desire to loose Sylvia Anna to some rabid monster of the forest out of pure carelessness, even if it might have meant the end to the brewing trouble. Sending a human into the night woods to hunt a hunter was that very carelessness.

"We are approaching a mill. If I am not mistaken it belongs to..." the cultured vampiress strayed her horse, trying to puzzle the time and the place together. "...a nobleman, that used to serve your father the Duke. Count de la Croix?"

“Then what is your purpose, why have you remained here for long and pick to hide among us.” Did she even want to know, not really? The higher vampire she had courted, chased and it seemed during those nights far away, he was more afraid of her than she was of him, when he jumped out on her, all fangs and claws, she was more amused than anything else, if that was meant to scare her, then he needed to try harder, very much so. She has seen real fear and she has seen real monsters and they were not ghouls, goblins nor even vampires, they where men called knights, they where women called rulers, they where the true monsters of this land and she will have her cup overfilled with there blood for all that they have done.

As she would bow her head to the vampire before her, what she has learned about them from her ways and time spent with the other, was that they where like humans in many ways, almost, but not quite fully, which was always a challenge. It was like sitting at a table with a wolf, tamed as it might be, but at the end it had every single possible means to end you and you had little if anything at all to try and stop it from happening.

“This is my home, it is in my blood and they tried to take it from me.” As she spoke, but this was not some little story of someone coming back, to fight against the wrong and take what was stolen from her, hardly. She was owed this much, she was owed this land and all within it, everything here, by all laws of the land that this belong to her and another sat on the throne that had been stolen from her, this curse was nothing more than nonsense, a means and a way to flick her away and put someone else in her seat of power.

“… it is simple, it is mine.”

As she would shrug her shoulders.

“It belongs to me, another has taken it, I want it back.”

To sit on her throne as it was meant to be, she would change everything, destroy those who had lied about her, harmed her as well and sought nothing other than to ruin her, anyone who is a friend of her sister, was no true friend of her own. “You understand that, you have children, would it not anger you if someone where to raise a hand to them, or take them from you.” As she dropped her head to the side. “Another time, you would have found me.” A small child running scared through the forest being chased out of her lands by the knights that where meant to protect her from harm, being the people who where harming her, funny how life turns things around and works in the end.

“This is where the path has taken me, I want to have those who wronged me, dead at my feet.”

[aemonds-sapphire]

Coffee Run - Hawks x Reader (Smut)

Summary: Hawks simply wanted to enjoy his coffee in peace, but you had needs of your own, especially knowing he was entering his rut. You know what they say... be careful with what you wish for, because you just might get it.

Warnings: NSFW. Rut!Hawks. Feral Hawks. Public sex. Breeding kink. Pregnancy kink. Lactation kink (brief mention). Featherplay. Slight overstimulation.

Word count: 3.7k

Hawks was nearing his rut. That much was clear. Keeping up an easy going appearance was what he excelled at, until he hit that particular time of the year. Until he was forced to take that medication that would suppress his primal instinct to breed.

But rarely anything in this world came without bearing unpleasant consequences.

“I’ll just have the usual. Thanks.”

The young waitress then turned to you expectantly. “And you, miss?”

You pondered for a second as you eyed the pro hero sitting in front of you. To anyone oblivious to the changes occurring in his body they might think he was just not a morning person.

An idea popped in your mind all of a sudden.

“I’ll have a strawberry lollipop,” you finally said, causing Hawks to briefly lift his eyes from the phone in his hand. “What? I have a sweet tooth.”

The waitress nodded and walked away. He was still glaring at you, one fuzzy eyebrow slightly arched.

“Just that? It’s not a proper breakfast.”

“Neither is coffee, yet here we are.”

He shrugged at your response, shifting his attention back to his phone.

Coffee was his personal mood booster. It was dangerous to demand anything from a rutting Hawks until he had drunk an unhealthy amount of it.

The sun was barely out, and that was exactly why he’d choose this café. Only a few people would be there, which meant he wouldn’t have to deal with loud fans walking up to him and asking for selfies or autographs... or even hugs. It was perfect to hide from everyone how moody and snappy he could get in times like these.

But you figured he still wasn’t taking the medication. He always dreaded it because of how groggy and lethargic it’d leave him.

“You okay?”

He had his index finger flicking up and down on the screen. “Sure.”

But what Hawks didn’t know was that... well... you knew what why he was acting so unlike him.

Soon after, the waitress came back with a large cup of coffee and your lollipop that you promptly snatched from the tray with a smile.

Hawks mumbled a quick ‘thanks’ and you watched him take a few gulps of the hot beverage, while you removed the wrapping.

He sighed in pure relief as his huge wings vibrated from the instant pleasure. “I really needed this.”

You also reckoned he needed something else.

Sliding the round candy in your mouth, you propped your chin on interlaced fingers, regarding him quizzically.

“Is that all you need?”

The apparent innocent question had his golden eyes meet yours. However, you needed them to travel south, so you parted your lips seductively and dangled the lollipop from one corner of your mouth to the other with your tongue.

Bingo.

Hawks’ eyes dropped to your mouth in an instant, taking in the sight of you skilfully twirling the stick while letting out some lewd wet sounds.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what? I love sucking...” you said innocently.

The cup in his hand cracked lightly from his tight grip, and a faint frown settled on his beautiful face.

“You sure you okay?”

For someone who was able to maintain an wavering smile not matter the circumstances, Hawks really was falling behind his reputation. Maybe it wasn’t wise for you to keep pushing him like this. All the innuendos and teasing would eventually get him to snap.

You kept on sucking and licking the hard candy happily, eyeing your boyfriend with utmost interest.

He took another sip of his hot coffee, and you noticed his pupils were slightly dilated. Undoubtedly, the visual of you sucking on something was a enough to spark his arousal.

“Hmm... this tastes so good...” you moaned softly, fluttering your eyes shut for a brief moment. “Want to taste it?”

When he didn’t reply, you decided to take it up a notch. You kicked off your shoe and moved it to touch his leg.

He arched an eyebrow.

Slowly, you began sliding it up his leg and only stopped once you’d reached his inner thigh.

“Stop...”

You let the round candy caress your bottom lip, making sure he could see strings of your saliva sliding down to coat your tongue. Mustering a bit more courage, you dragged your feet until it reached his crotch.

Hawks was hard as a rock.

“You’re so warm...” you whispered, rubbing your foot against his cock.

You could tell he was about to snap.

“Hawks? Honey, look! It’s Hawks!”

You quickly turned your head to look at a young couple that was approaching your table. It couldn’t be avoided. Even in the early hours there would always be someone who was a fan of Hawks.

Hawks was forced to regain his composure, and you figure it was taking every single fibre in his body to produce his trademark unwavering grin.

The woman seemed a little hesitant at first. “Are we interrupting something? I’m so sorry... we are big fans.”

“You are such an inspiration to us,” the man added with excitement.

“Thank you!” Hawks beamed, his beautiful features never betraying what was going on under the table. “Want an autograph?”

She quickly nodded, rummaging through her purse to get a pen. “Our baby will love you, too. We’ll make sure of that.”

Hawks visibly swallowed. “Baby?”

“Yes! We found out we’re going to be parents last week.”

You side-eyed him closely. Inwardly, you started cackling in delight, knowing far too well this was one of Hawks’ most intimate triggers. It was far too obvious that being in his rut made it all much worse for him

“Congratulations! How is everything going?” you inquired sweetly, applying gentle pressure on his covered erection with your toes.

He shifted in his seat, doing his best to cope with the sudden stimulation coming from you.

The woman seemed taken aback by your kindness and quickly bowed her head while handing the pen to Hawks.

“Oh, the morning sickness can be quite draining, but otherwise I can’t complain.”

Her partner handed Hawks a copy of a magazine that had him on the cover. He blushed awkwardly. “She keeps it in her purse in case we run into you so we can get an autograph.”

“That’s awesome,” he said genuinely, his voice slightly strained as he drew his signature on it. “Thanks for the support.”

The couple retrieved the magazine and bowed to both of you before walking away.

“That is so cool...” you said, twirling the lollipop stick in between your thumb and index finger. “I wonder what it feels like being pregnant.”

Hawks moved your foot away from his crotch. “Bathroom. Now.”

Your mouth fell open at his sudden outburst, sliding your foot back into your shoe. “Why?”

He rose to his full height as his red wings quivered slightly. “I’m done with you.”

Placing the hard candy back on its wrapping, you gulped as you followed his lead. The café had started to get more clients, and some of them shot a few glares at the winged hero.

The waitress was eyeing both of you. “Is everything okay?”

Hawks shot a brief smile. “She’s not feeling well.”

He certainly had a way to have things go his way.

She looked at yo worriedly. “Should I get help?”

Hawks hurried you into the bathroom, before adding. “She’s with the number two pro hero. I’m all the help she needs.”

Point taken.

Hawks pulled you into a small cubicle, shutting the door with a kick. You heard the lock rattle and you took the opportunity turn around to face him. His massive wings struggled to fit inside the confined space, which caused him to look more menacing as they coiled up against his body.

“You’re rutting.”

His pupils were fully blown and you briefly saw something flash in his eyes. “Of course you know.”

“I know a lot of things,” you cooed, dragging down one hand to squeeze him through his pants. “You’re not taking your medication.”

You’d been dating Hawks for a few months now, and you found out that he went through a rut every year by mere chance. It didn’t take long for you to connect the dots after hearing a phone conversation between him and someone from the commission — you assumed it was a doctor —, who insisted that Hawks had to take the hormonal suppressant medication to lessen the effects, allowing him to function properly.

“I don’t fucking need it,” he snarled at you through gritted teeth.

“I think you do... if you’re so willing to fuck me in a public bathroom,” you whispered seductively, giving his cock a gentle squeeze. “I wonder what made you snap... was it the conversation about pregnancy... or—“

Hawks had had enough of your running your mouth, and with little effort on his part, he flipped you over so that you were now pressed against the bathroom sink, a tall mirror capturing your surprised expression along with his feral one.

“No, little bird...” he growled, hooking his gloved fingers in the belt loops of your pants. “I am not gonna fuck you. I’m gonna breed you.”

It was a dark promise, and one you knew he could keep. After all, that was the purpose of a rut: to breed. Every single cell in his body was prepared for this, and you couldn’t bring yourself to pretend this sudden shift in Hawks’ demeanor didn’t make your pussy clench.

Your hands were supporting your weight by gripping the edge of the cold material of the sink, and you tentatively leaned forward in an attempt to brush against his crotch.

Hawks slid one hand to your front, effectively undoing your pants. “You’re ovulating... fuck...”

That caught by surprise. “What...”

He shifted his body on top of yours, so he could nuzzle your neck, capturing your scent.

“I can smell it... fuck...fuck... you need to be bred...”

In one swift motion, he yanked your pants down. Hawks was usually so much more gentle with you during sex; this was definitely something unexpected, but that you couldn’t stop yourself from yearning.

On the other hand, you considered his words for a moment. Did he really mean it? Did he really want to knock you up, or was this just his hormones talking?

Either way, this was turning you on beyond belief, and you decided to egg him on.

“You want to breed me?”

He was nipping at your neck, causing a few of his moans to be heard. You could feel the hard print of his cock pressed against the curve of your ass, and as you bucked your hips instinctively you felt his own meet you halfway, setting a slow rhythm.

“I need to knock you up... I need you tummy all swollen with my baby,” the young man kept mumbling more to himself than to you, but you couldn’t get enough of it. “I need your... your...”

A gush of wetness leaked out of your pussy as you felt him fumbling with his belt. Through the reflection in the mirror, you could see a faint blush settling on his face, increasing his handsomeness by a tenfold — you didn’t even know how that was possible.

“My what...” your voice came out in a low mewl, keeping your hips swaying at a steady pace.

Hawks undid his pants at once, and gave your ass cheeks a few slaps with his leaking cock.

He gripped your hip tightly. “Let me see your tits...”

You kept yourself balance on one hand as the other dragged the fabric of your shirt up, rolling it just above your breasts. Hawks released his cock, bringing his hips forward to have it slide between your round cheeks; you could start to feel the wetness coating your skin and standing your panties as he kept humping you. His free hand moved to grasp your bra, jerking the material down and finally exposing your hardening nipples.

Hawks heaved a deep breath, resting his chin on your shoulder as he looked at your body through the mirror.

“Can’t wait until they get bigger... full of milk... leaking for me...” he brushed his gloved thumb across your sensitive nipple, causing it to harden even more. “I bet it will taste so good... so sweet... you know I love sweet things.”

Your mind was going blank from all the pleasure being delivered to you at once. From his cock slowly fucking your ass cheeks all the way to the way he was glaring at you through some public bathroom mirror while spitting out the filthiest things you had ever heard him utter.

He snapped his hips hard for a split second, almost causing you to lose balance, forcing you to grip the sink with both hands, eyes still fixed on the way your breasts bounced softly along with each shove from him.

Slowly, he dragged his hand to your lower abdomen, massaging it with spread fingers. “Fuck... I need to feel it getting swollen... gonna knock you up so good.”

Streaks of precum were sliding down your cheeks, leaving wet trails behind and sending jolts of pleasure running down your spine.

“Sorry, but I’m gonna make you cum fast,” he suddenly said.

You weren’t really sure why he was apologizing for that, or even how he intended to achieve such feat. Hawks was more than capable of pleasuring women, but even the most skilled man certainly had his limitations when it came to how fast they could make a woman reach her high.

Even so, apologizing for giving someone an orgasm probably ranked up high with the likes of “Sorry, but I’m going to give you a new house” or “Sorry, but I’m going to give you an unlimited supply of money”. Out of all the things he could feel sorry for — like desperately banging you in some public bathroom, for example—, that one should be the least of his concerns.

As if reading the skepticism splattered across your face, he gave you a knowing smile, and before you could even wonder what he meant by that you felt something poking your covered clit.

What the...

“Hawks!”

You didn’t expect desperate Hawks to play fair, but this was on another level. The fabric covering your soaked pussy was being pulled to the side, and in no time a velvety object started proving your pulsing clit.

He was using his feathers.

Now you knew what he meant by making you cum fast, the bastard. The sensation was overwhelming, and you vaguely wondered why he had never tried this before.

“Shh... I need you to cum first, so I can have your pussy milking my cock,” he pressed a kiss on your neck. “Be a good girl and keep your voice down.”

With one hand still caressing your tummy and the other squeezing one breasts softly, you tried hard to bite back your moans as his feather kept stroking your clit as he commanded.

You started panting heavily, drunk in pleasure. “I... I... Hawks...”

Seeing that you weren’t going to be able to keep quiet, he brought the hand on your breast to clamp it over your mouth.

“You’re so ready for me... I can feel the vibrations through my feather... you’re throbbing so much for me, baby...”

And it was the absolute truth. Your were absolutely sure his feather was already drenched in your juices, but you didn’t care at all. A few more flicks and strokes sent your hips into auto-pilot, trying to get more friction.

Long and drawn out moans erupted from your throat only to be muffled by his gloved hand.

You could feel something in your core swirling and shifting and through the haze of passion, you could tell it was the tension building up inside you that was reaching a dangerous peak.

“Good girl... t-that’s my girl... getting ready for me to breed her...”

His dirty talk served as the perfect incentive for you to get closer and closer to the edge. You saw your vision begin to tunnel and suddenly you fell headfirst into the explosion of pleasure that had your arms and legs shake violently, and you thanked the heavens that Hawks’ body was pressed against yours, or you’d have sunk to your feet.

But before your pussy could stop contracting around nothing, you felt your body being pushed forward and in one quick slide, his cock was buried deep inside you.

Hawks’ hips faltered for a second as he adjusted to your tightness. “Fuck!”

The feather brushing your clit stopped its ministrations, and as your field of vision started clearing, you saw it hovering in front of your face. It was completely covered in your juices and a few droplets dripped onto the sink. His hand fell to grip your hip, and your lips immediately parted in a silent scream as overstimulation took over.

“Keep it open... lick... lick it...” he groaned, his voice strained and shaky as his cock endured your contractions.

You extended your tongue out, allowing is feather to drag along it, pooling your wetness on your tongue.

Hawks’ reflection shivered before your eyes at the newfound source of pleasure. “F-fuuuck... just like that...”

His wings fluttered as so did the feather stroking your muscle, and even though your orgasm had already subsided, the never ending stimulation from his thick cock hitting deep inside you was just too much.

“I’m gonna lose it! Fuck!” he nearly cried out, ad you could only pray that no one could hear him outside.

Your knees bucked weakly as he snapped his hips into you once, twice and again closing in on his own release, but the moment you ran your tongue over the sensitive extension of his body you knew he was done for. He bucked up to meet your hips in an especially sharp thrust and you could feel the hot gush of his cum deep inside you, coating your trembling walls, mixing with your own juices.

He hadn’t lasted long, but you weren’t at all surprised, considering how much the vast array of different stimuli that he was subjected to in such a sort amount of time.

A few seconds ticked by, and he finally began pulling out, you pussy reflexively clamping around him as if to make him stay.

“Stop clenching like that before I get hard again...” he warned, giving your ass a soft smack as he slid out completely with a loud slurping sound.

You whimpered softly as emptiness filled you instead. As you were about to straighten yourself, you felt a blob of cum threading to spill, and Hawks promptly kept you leaning forward.

“I didn’t just fill you with a big load for you to waste it all,” and with that, he dragged the tip of his cock along your leaking pussy and pushed it back inside. “There you go... all stuffed again.”

The head of his cock didn’t stay inside you for long, and once he slid out you reached for paper from the dispenser hanging on the wall.

He grabbed your arm. “No.”

“I need to clean myself...”

“No, you don’t,” Hawks whispered sweetly into your ear, and you felt him tug at your panties before letting the fabric slap your over sensitive clit. “You’re gonna be a good girl and keep it all in.”

Your eyes widened in shock. Certainly, he didn’t mean that....

“Hawks... I can’t walk around with your cum dripping from me,” you stated as a matter of fact.

You saw his reflection in the mirror; he had a devious smile dancing on his lips, making your insides coil in sudden realization.

“Didn’t you want me to breed you? Then keep my cum inside your tight pussy,” he began, planting soft caring kisses on the side of your neck in between. “Think you can do that for me, beautiful?”

Feeling your panties sticking to your swollen lips with the aftermath of both your juices and drops of his cum made a shiver run down you entire body.

You nodded once.

Suddenly, he bent over slightly to grasp the waistband of your pants, quickly dragging them up your thighs.

“Time to go,” he huffed as one of his gloved hands brushed along his unruly golden locks of hair. “This was just meant to be a quick coffee run.”

There was a faint smudge of pink crossing his nose and resting on both his cheeks. He looked positively less tense, with his blush being the only indicator that he had just emptied his balls deep inside you.

He unlocked the door and exited first, but not before shooting his Hawks-like smile at you. “I’ll be going ahead to pay and deal with the fans.”

You chuckled as the door closed, and turned to look at your reflection in the mirror while adjusting your clothes. “Well... don’t look at me like that. He’s impossible to resist, especially like this...”

After you were done washing your hands, you took a few steps immediately feeling a few drops of cum dripping onto your panties. You clenched your pussy hard in the hopes of preventing more from spilling.

This was not going to end well.

Taking a deep breath, you walked out and were met with the waitress. “Oh! Are you alright now?”

Yeah, I just got fucked hard and I have cum leaking from me. “Yes! Thank you, and sorry for leaving like that... I really wasn’t feeling well.”

She nodded in understanding, stepping aside to let you walk into the lobby only to see a loud commotion of people piling up around something. Big massive turfs of scarlet feathers quickly gave it away and you smiled fondly.

Hawks.

A few girls standing nearby were giggling to each other, catching your attention.

“Oh my... he’s so much more handsome up close,” one said with a dreamy sigh.

“His wings are so pretty...” the other murmured.

Yes. Hawks had that effect on nearly everyone he crossed paths with. In one way or another, people had the tendency to fall fo him and be drawn by his quirky personality. Even if at the end of the day, once he got home, you could see the wearing effects of having to keep up with this society’s standards.

As the crowd began to disperse, he waved a hand at you.

“It was so nice to have you here, Hawks,” the young waitress blurted out as you two made your exit. “Please come again!”

The number two pro hero bowed his head and gave her a thumbs up. “I’m sure I will. Very soon,” he winked at you.

Very poor choice of words.

-

Masterlist

[gogolstoelicker]

How about all the form leaders including howl having a s/o that is similar to wammawink from centaurworld.

I love her character so much💝💝

Thank you 🌹❤

Dorm leaders with a Wammawink!MC

notes: i hope i get her character right KSJJSNS and who is howl🧍🏻‍♂️is it that beautiful bird guy from howl's moving castle

Having a happy and motherly personality, you're willing to keep those you care for safe.

You like doing fun things and is often seen as dimwitted at times but you can actually be very intelligent and serious when the situation calls for it.

You can get a little overprotective of those you care for but it's only because you fear they'll be taken away from you if danger strikes.

Riddle:

oh... o h..! o h ! !

as someone who doesn't have a good mother growing up, he is a little awkward with u

but theres smth he always lacked cough cough motherly love cough cough

so he soaked up ur affections even tho he feels pretty awkward about it

soon got used to it

now whenever he did smth amazing, he would turn to look at u like

is very happy to have u around, u actually got invited to every unbirthday party heartslabyul hosted

doesn't really mind u doing things u see as fun, as long as you're having fun and it's not dangerous

in fact, u might be able to make him join u if u coax him enough

but there's little chance of that happening since he mostly just watch u to make sure you didn't get hurt

he's pretty protective of u, you're protective of him

one time ppl talked behind his back and u taught them a lesson

got in trouble with the teachers after but it was worth it💪‼️

Leona:

doesn't like the happy energy at first

this is like cheka if he's grown up but less clingy to him and a little more on the motherly side

at first he thought u wanna butter him up

until he realizes, no. u actually care about him

he will never admit it but he soaks up the affection u gave him

might even get a little snappy and more grumpy if u don't pamper him enough

his tail is hitting the ground angrily

either u affection or u affection😡😡😡(i went emotes hunting so y'all getting all these images)

he does care abt the rumors and people talking smack about him but since he can't really do anything to change their minds, he just turn a blind eye

oh well until he saw u on ur way to argue with the people who talked smack about him

u almost got into a fight too LMFOAOAOA

well that was until he stepped in

he was smug about it btw, his tail is waving back and forth

don't mention it tho, unless u want him to smack ur face with it

Azul:

probably goes "i wanna talk to the manager" when he rope grim, ace and deuce into that contract with him

at first think you'll be an easy target until u did a 180 and catch him by his tentacles or smth

azul punching the air bc he should've known someone that appears dimwitted could be smart

he's around floyd a lot so he should've known

oh well no use crying over spilled milk amirite

once y'all stop having this mafia family feud, u guys might get along well

azul now have another bodyguard

bc whoever that breach the contract or talk smack about him

they'll have two tall scary eels and a prefect from another world after their ass

other than ur friends bc favoritism

azul doesn't know how yall went from going for each others throat to being friends

but hey, he's not one to reject good stuff🤔‼️

esp since be really likes how u try to make him take care of himself especially if he overworked

Kalim:

YOU like doing fun stuff, HE likes doing fun stuff

you know who doesn't like the fun stuff tho? jamil.

bc if you two slip up and got into trouble, he's the one who have to pull kalim away from it

and pull u out of trouble too or else the teacher will see the lie or smth

kalim had a really fun time with u! u match his energy so well and he had so much fun with u‼️

expect magic carpet rides with him

no matter the time, he would literally have u ride the magic carpet with him especially if you ask

since he's the first born(correct me if I'm wrong), he's always the one taking care of his siblings

so having u take care of him and fuss over him kind of makes him go 🤔🤩‼️

now kalim have two protectors

be careful nrc or anyone who doesn't like him, u don't wanna mess with kalim and his snake protector and his alpaca protector

Vil:

the mom friends meeting each other🤝

he fuss abt ur appearance and well being, u fuss about his appearance and well being

well maybe not his appearance since he always look at his 100🤔

he's not used to someone looking after him since he is completely capable of taking care of himself

but it's a nice feeling so he doesn't really mind much after a while

won't let u mess up his diet or touch his appearance since he spend a lot of time taking care of them himself and make them perfect

so instead, just try to make sure he had enough rest and is hydrated or smth🤔or check if he's feeling especially down bc of neige(?how to spell) or smth

he'll really appreciate it‼️

just bc he's famous, doesn't mean everyone will like him so some students were probably mocking him behind his back or smth

vil just scoffed abt it and was abt to wrnt along his day when u step in instead

he is also very smug abt it for the rest of the week btw

Idia:

oh no its an extrovert

cries a little on the inside whenever u approach him

he literally almost bolted away from u

‼️ why are u being so nice to him, there's many others here that u can give that same treatment to pls just ignore him and leave him alone‼️

but he got used to it soon

since you're literally taking care of him and always respects him boundaries

he's even comfortable enough to let u in his room after

now he have a mother figure taking care of him

u took care of his meals, tried to let him have his daily dose of sunlight

he's not used to this but he's fine with it^^!!

other than the going out part ofc

unless its just u three(u, him and ortho) then maybe hes ok with it🤔

one time someone badmouthed idia when you were around with idia's tablet

since ur figure is covering the tablet, they didn't really see him so they just

talk shit

so now they have u after them

idia:

talk shit get hit amirite💪💪💪

Malleus:

fuck this jmage i hate whoever that did this

oh well uh, does this explain enough?

he's more than happy to find and do fun stuff with u

gargoyles hunting, late night walks that turned to a racing contest to the ramshackle dorm's door, anything!

he especially liked how u always cheerfully greet him and fuss over his well being

actually got worried about his sleep schedule and was about to make him sleep in ramshackle once

until he told u faes don't need that much sleep

u going🤨 before hesitantly going along

actually caught some people talking about how they were scared of him and all

he's kind of down abt it since pls. pls someone just approach him and be his friend. he wants one.

until he saw u step in and scold them (u don't know he's there btw)

sure, malleus looks intimidating and is a very powerful magician but he's not gonna eat u just bc u made eye contact or smth😡

the students just having to listen and nod their heads at u bc they know they have no chance at rebuttal

the diasomnia residents are very happy there's no thunder or storm that day since the dorm leader seems very happy^^

[cjsinkythoughts]

Not Your Captain

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 1695

Warnings: Falcon and the Winter Soldier Spoilers!!!!! Lots of Angst in this one, guys, lotta feels, some Fluff to counterbalance it, but mostly Angst, Cursing

A/N: This is Part Two to my previous FATWS writing, His Only Contact. FATWS SERIES STERLIST HERE! This one is from Reader’s perspective and gives you a bit more about Reader’s backstory. There will be multiple parts coming out in the next day or two based just on this new episode because damn. It was loaded!  Due to this and my workload this past week, I haven’t been able to post the first chapter of my College!AU, Erased From the Stars, but I promise it’s coming! This’ll be my main focus for the weekend though! Expect more parts in the next 24 hours! I’ll be making a masterlist for this particular project in that time, too! Taglists are open! Please contact me if you want to be tagged! Thank you and please enjoy, loves! (Not beta’d, so sorry for mistakes!)

AGAIN: SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

The moment you saw it on TV, you knew you had to get to Bucky. You weren’t planning on leaving until the next day, but there was no way you weren’t going. So you caught the first plane you could from the base you were staying at.

You’re feelings were all over the place. Steve had been your best friend for more than the past decade. You were the one there when he first woke up. You were the one to help him get situated. You were the one to help him whenever he needed, to go over to his little place in DC when he was having problems, like the time he thought he was having an asthma attack when it was an anxiety attack or when you had to help him find a new phone after he accidentally broke his.

You were that close to falling in love with him. But life went the other way and, in a weird twist of fate, almost as if the universe wanted to spare you of the heartbreak it knew would come if you gave your heart to the dashing captain, you ended up tripping over your own feet for someone else.

Someone you would never tell.

He was the last thing you had left of Steve and you couldn’t ruin that because of your stupid feelings. And you couldn’t ruin the relationship you had now because it was working. He trusted you, more than anyone else. He trusted you because Steve trusted you and you wouldn’t dare break that trust.

You just hoped, with everything going down in relation to the shield - to his legacy - that you’d be able to keep that promise you made to yourself.

You were in front of his door early in the morning - around four - hesitating to knock. It didn’t take long for him to respond the moment your fist did meet the door.

He looked…tired. You wished, oh how you wished, that you could do more. Anything more. He insisted you helped him plenty already; he claimed he never had nightmares when you were by his side. But it wasn’t enough. Not for what he’d been through. You felt as though you were merely putting a bandaid over a bullet wound.

His chocolate locks were short, above his ears. You could remember how hesitant yet eager he was about doing it. It was difficult to not cut his ear off because he kept moving in anticipation. You would know: you cut it. Those blue eyes that made you trip in the first place were outlined by thick lashes, dark ebony bags beneath them, making the azure pop. He was shirtless, as he usually was when sleeping (or at least trying to sleep), his dog tags resting against his sternum. 

You could tell he hadn’t been sleeping. His eyes were bloodshot as if he was watching TV for too long and his hair was less messy than it would be if he actually slept.

The moment his eyes found yours, his plump, chapped lips turned up into the grin he reserved for you and he was pulling you in. Your reaction was instantaneous, your arms slipping around his waist, your chin resting on his shoulder as he found home in the crook of your neck.

He was touch deprived. You knew this, but you never brought it up. Especially considering you were one of the only people he touched willingly. You didn’t want him thinking he was broken, more so than he thought he was already. And you definitely didn’t want to push him into fixing himself. So you didn’t tell him, even though you were pretty sure he knew, and you just let him take the lead. 

Sometimes it meant he grabbed your hand in large crowds, or tucked you under his arm when he was threatened. Other times it meant laying his head in your lap when he was tired late at night, or a soft hug in greeting.

Hands slowly tracing his spine, fingers dancing up and down his back, you gave a small smile when you felt him practically purring in your embrace. You could never decide if he was more puppy or kitten. You used to make jokes about the three of them, Steve, Bucky, and Sam, being like a puppy, kitten, and bird that you had to reluctantly pet sit for a friend. You would give almost anything to be joking around like that with them when you went to visit Bucky in Wakanda with Steve.

“Buck?”

He hummed. You didn’t want to pull back, you wanted to stay connected with him for as long as possible, but you had to talk. You didn’t want to talk about it, because that would make it more real, but you had to. You had to.

“Have you seen the news recently?”

His eyebrows furrowed, his lips pulling down. “What happened? Is it Wanda?”

You looked down the hall, your lips pressed together tightly, before nodding inside. “We have to talk.”

He nodded, stepping back and pulling you inside. Seeing the makeshift bed on the floor against the far edge of the sofa made you inwardly sigh, but you didn’t say anything about it. Steve was the same way at first.

“Is she okay? Did you find her? Where-”

“It’s not Wanda.” Turning, you faced him, trying to control your own anger at the situation, knowing it wouldn’t help him any. “It’s…it’s about Steve.”

Those spectacularly blue eyes narrowed, bottom lip being sucked in between his teeth. “What about Steve?”

You gestured for him to come closer, holding out your hand in offering. He took it and followed you as you led him to the couch. A cleared throat and a deep breath later found you gently explaining what happened to him. That the government had taken back the shield and had given it to someone else. A ‘hero just for America’. A ‘new Captain America’.

You could see his features harden with every word, his jaw ticking dangerously, his chest heaving and his nostrils flaring. You squeezed his hand as you finished. “He’s got meetings and stuff with senators and governors. They’re taking him on a tour this week. They-they want me to meet him, considering I’m the last of the original seven. Active on Earth, at least.”

The tears that started forming in his eyes made you swallow your own emotions down thickly. He didn’t need your hatred of this wannabe to fuel his own. He needed your support and comfort. He needed to know you’d be by his side through this.

“Are you?”

You blinked, not expecting his first words to be that question. “Am I what?”

“Going to meet with him?”

“I-I…” You stopped talking, knowing that if you continued you’d end up ranting about how he wasn’t your captain. How he could never be your captain. Debating answers, you decided on a simple, blunt reply. “No.”

“Why…” 

Running your thumb over his knuckles, you leaned over slowly to press a chaste kiss to his bare skin and blood shoulder. “Take your time. Collect your thoughts.”

He responded to your words by taking a deep breath, clenching his eyes shut, his jaw so tight you feared he might chip his teeth. It was a tense minute before he said anything, the room being filled with his harsh breathing. “You said he gave them the shield.”

“What?”

“Yesterday. You told me he gave up the shield. They put it in the Smithsonian. But you just said they took it from him.”

“He did give it to them, but-”

“Why?” His eyes snapped open, his features twisting into ones of frustration and resentment. “Why’d he give it to them?”

You shook your head, knowing Sam didn’t mean for any of that to happen. He had called you a few weeks ago to ask about your opinion on the matter. You told him that Steve trusted him, and you trusted Steve, so if Sam thought that was the right thing to do…you trusted him. “It’s not Sam’s fault. Don’t be mad-”

“Don’t be mad?! Don’t be mad?!” Bucky shot up, ripping his hand away from yours, making you bite your lip and hang your head as he paced in front of you. “Steve gave it to him! And he just gives it away like he’s regifting a shitty frisbee as a Christmas present! And you don’t want me to be mad?! Are you fucking kidding me, Y/N?!”

Cringing at the use of your name, which you rarely hear fall from his lips, especially in vexation like just then, you looked up at him, eyes pleading. “Bucky, I get it. I do. I’m mad, too. I’m-I’m furious. But you can’t blame Sam. Please. He just - he’s trying, Buck. Just like me. Just like you. We’re all trying.”

Bucky’s shoulders fell as he stared at you, eyes darting from feature to feature as he studied your face. Before you could say anything else, he was on the floor in front of you, in between your legs, arms wrapped around your waist and face pressed into your stomach.

You could tell he was holding something back - something big - but you wouldn’t push him. You never did. Displaying feelings was always hard for him, even in the early 1900’s; Steve used to tell you stories when you were looking for him after the fiasco in DC. Bucky grew up being the oldest of four and the only boy. On top of that, his best friend was a scrawny, stubborn, punching bag of a boy. According to Stevie, neither of them really learned how to cope or how to deal with feelings. And it showed. Boy, did it show.

Instead of getting on him and asking what was wrong and begging for him to talk to you, your fingers tangled in his hair, nails scratching his scalp, as you sat back to make the position more comfortable for him.

“Stay with me. I need you.”

You leaned down to press a soft kiss to his head, nodding into his hair. “I’ll stay. For as long as you need me, Buckaroo.”

Taglist (OPEN):

@happygoreading​, @thatsdarwinism​, @satellitespidey​

[an-annyeoing-writer]

vampire!J-Hope x Reader: dinner time.

➢ Genre: suggestive fluff

➢ Warnings: minor mentions of death, blood

➢ Rating: +16

➢ Word count: 2 124

➢ Release date: 29th Dec. 2022

There were different things that people did to quench their instincts. Sometimes, biting your nails was sufficient to deal with nerves. Some other times, you could find fulfillment in avoiding creaks in the pavement. Some needs were a calling – you would find yourself becoming annoyed with yourself if you didn’t do your nails pretty every week or two, and stressed out if you didn’t watch a good TV show once in a while to rest your mind off with this mindless leisure.

Things, however, went on a completely new level when your boyfriend was a vampire. And, although he did pretty well behaving in socially acceptable ways on usual, once in a month even he had to indulge in his instinct, and wouldn’t you be a bad girlfriend if you deprived him from the pleasure of it?

It felt like a discovery of something new every time; the time spent together like this was especially intimate, and every time it happened, you felt all the closer to him. Was it what having a soulmate felt like? It must have been the case. You wouldn’t give your relationship for anything else in the universe.

You were so deep in your thoughts that it was the sound of a twig snapping nearby that made you suddenly return to reality. You froze, pressing your back into the tree you hid behind, the only one in sight that seemed wide enough to cover your entire silhouette. You held your breath, trying not to move an inch, as you heard very, very quiet steps coming in your direction.

He stopped right behind your tree, and you could swear you heard a low chuckle before he calmly walked forward, as if you weren’t there. You knew that there was no way he didn’t sense you – but you had nothing against taking this chance, and you waited a minute or so longer, making sure he’s gone again, before pushing yourself off the tree and running down the path you previously chose.

The forest was dark, and you barely saw where you were going. You stumbled on the uneven ground every few moments or so; that was the only real threat that you had to keep in mind – it would be quite unlucky if you were to sprain your ankle.

Yet, you weren’t prepared to step knees deep into a swamp and you let out an irritated whimper at the wetness seeping through your trainers and sweatpants – at the very least, after the first few months together, you learned that choosing cheap and easy-to-wash clothing for your adventures was the wisest choice. That was definitely, however, not the kind of mess you expected to occur.

You moved backwards, stepping back onto the dry surface. There was no point trying to clean anything – it was too dark for you to see anyway, so you let out a sigh before focusing your gaze on the space in front of you. Although everything was covered in shadows, your eyes had adjusted to some extent, allowing you to see the moonlight reflecting in the disturbed water’s surface. The swamps seemed to spread far forward, and there was no way for you to cross them without risking getting yourself even dirtier; not to mention, you had no idea how deep could they actually get. The solution was only one: you needed to go back.

Once you stopped running – you had no strength for that left anyway – everything around you became stoic, and you realized how empty the space around you felt. Shouldn’t there be birds, any wild animals? You wondered whether they were just asleep, or did you chase them away with your noisy behavior… or, maybe, were they feeling the predator lurk?

You pondered on how over the ages of human development, lack of a reliable threat source among other species dulled out people’s senses. You weren’t smart like animals who can actually stay quiet, nor as fit to run from the danger. You were as helpless as a newborn.

Yet again, so deep in your thoughts, you barely felt a brief, warm sensation on your neck; a breath? You turned around, startled, your heart beating in your chest. You stood in one place for too long, wondering where to go. Your legs had gotten cold from the water they were soaked in, and your steps were even more obvious now that leaves stuck to your heels.

Another sound of broken twigs, somewhere to your right; that made two signs in such a short time – you were certain that he knew what he was doing, and he was getting impatient. You started jogging towards your left instead.

You could swear that you felt a hand on your shoulder that made you pick up all your strength and run with all you’ve had, your breath and heartbeat deafening you, darkness around you becoming blurry; hell, it was a miracle that you didn’t fall onto your face yet, until-

“STOP!”

You were caught mid-step in his arms and pulled backwards before you could even react, your head spinning at the sudden change of directions. You stumbled in your tracks,  confused to the core.

“Don’t move.”

He held you upright, tight against his chest, and your heart beat fast as you tried to comprehend, what was going on. He was completely still, letting you calm down, but with your face pushed into his chest, you couldn’t even see his own.

“H-Hoseok?”

“It’s okay, just don’t move for a second.”

“What’s going on?” you whimpered.

He breathed out a shakily, his voice becoming tender.

“You almost stepped into snares. Just don’t move for a moment, you’re okay.”

His arms wrapped around you protectively, and you could tell, he was even more shaken than you, who just barely started to realize the danger you unconsciously found yourself in. You twisted your neck to look behind – surely enough, even in the darkness, the shiny surface of metal trap was quite visible. The more you looked at it, the more you realized it was not a small device, this thing… You shuddered at the thought of what would happen if you actually landed with your foot in it.

But you stood a good meter away from it, fully aware that there’s no way you can walk into it now, especially with Hoseok’s undivided attention on you, making sure that no step of yours will end poorly.

Yet, his hold on you didn’t subside, and you realized how scared he must have been; it must have been moments, from him observing you from quite far away to noticing the danger you were in and having to jump in without a second thought. After hours of such a harmless chase of yours, to turning into an actual danger – he must have been in even more shock than you were, so you pulled away from him just a bit, reaching your hand to touch his face in a calming motion.

Hoseok’s jaw was tense, his eyes still clouded with crimson of bloodlust.

“Hey… Hey.” You shifted to cup his face and make him look at you. His face relaxed, but he still seemed so vulnerable and worried, his breaths barely starting to calm down. Something was still wrong – you decided not to pry.

“Let’s go home” he finally said.

“Are you sure?”

“Let’s.”

He held your hand tightly as you walked through the dark forest to the car parked at its edge. You didn’t speak a word and neither did he, not sparing you a glance until you sat in the car, and he let out a deep breath, closing his eyes to give himself some time to calm down. You put your other hand over the one he held yours with, gently stroking his skin to soothe him.

A few minutes had passed, the atmosphere around him gradually calming, and eventually, you decided it’s a good time to speak.

“Hoseok, hey.”

He looked at you, defeated.

“Thank you” you whispered. “For saving me there. It’s okay now.”

He let out a dry laughter, finally letting go of your hand and bringing it to his forehead.

“God, that was such a stupid idea to come here” he spoke.

“You’re hysteric” you stated.

“You could have died there.”

You narrowed your eyes at him.

“The chance of dying from something like this is probably below one percent, you’re definitely being hysteric.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I said I’m not.”

“Hysteric vampire. You’re a shame to your species, love.”

At the last comment, he couldn’t help but laugh genuinely, shaking his head in disbelief. You sighed in relief, realizing he finally calmed down.

He was sitting in the driver seat, and you quickly decided that there would be nothing nicer than to sit in his lap now. Maybe it wasn’t that bad of an idea, after all; maybe after all this time of horror-themed roleplay it was the right time to enjoy the time together like a normal couple?

Hoseok quickly wrapped arms around you, keeping you close to him. He looked quite tired, his head instantly resting against your chest. His calm breaths hitting your skin made you realize how cold you felt; your legs all wet from the previous accident, but your entire body also rather chilly from the temperature outside, despite the long exercise-like run that you had. There was far too much sweat on you for your liking, but it seemed Hoseok didn’t mind, pulling you even closer as he noticed your discomfort, reaching under the seat to pull out a blanket and wrapping it around your frame. He turned the car’s heating on as well.

He stared at you adoringly when you adjusted the blanket, finally becoming comfortable in the rather narrow space of the car.

“Do you want to go home? I could stay like this” you admitted rather boldly, leaning your face on his shoulder.

“We can stay like this… a bit.”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“I am… just a bit.”

When he smiled down at you, you saw his fangs protrude, sharp as needles, and as dangerous as exciting to see. Your breath hitched at the realization. Hoseok’s arms wrapped around you tighter, and you felt your stomach flutter with fear and excitement – the kind you knew and cherished, the sensation of adrenaline mixed with vulnerability. God, did it feel nice when his hand rested on the back of your head, pulling you towards him, and you obediently let him maneuver your body in a way that was convenient to him.

“Shh” he whispered, although you swore you didn’t make a sound. His lips touched the crook of your neck and you shifted, straddling him instead. The vampire hummed, able to press your whole chest into his own as he pressed a light kiss into your skin.

When the pain came, you let out a breathless whimper, your fingers clutching helplessly on his shirt as he dug his fangs in deep, completely paralyzing you. His gulps were slow, he took his time, making sure not to drink from you too greedily, his arms still wrapped around you, securing you in place, making you feel safe. You didn’t know how it happened that instead of a pained whimper, you let out a moan instead. You sometimes wished to ask him, if it was normal – was a bite supposed to eventually make the victim feel good? Or was it just you, hooked on the idea of having a vampire of a boyfriend, the forbidden relationship just so exciting that enjoyment of being his victim became a quirk of yours.

You weren’t to find out about the truth this time, though. With blood loss, you found your body relaxing into his embrace, your hands resting loosely on his shoulders, your body relaxing to the point of becoming limp in his arms.

When he finally pulled away, he made sure you saw him lick over his lips in an almost theatrical manner. The corners of his lips lifted in a smirk as he looked up your worn out face, his own no longer showing any fatigue. You breathed out a small laughter.

“Thank you for the meal” he purred.

You leaned in and put a kiss on his lips, tasting the blood that it came with. Hoseok deepened the kiss for just a moment before he pulled away, admiring your own blood that now found itself in the corner of your mouth, and wiped it away with his finger.

“Thank you for taking care of me” you replied.

But the smile on your face slowly relaxed as you leaned onto his shoulder again. The blood loss started to take better of you, your thoughts dissolved and the warm coat of slumber finally embraced you fully.

[cosmetichorror]

Too old for this, first chapter rewrite!

.

.

.

To say he was too old for this would be and understatement. He's died multiple times, fought Ganon twice, and fought every monster on multiple occasions. Some would say he's not that old, and he's decided they're all wrong. He's 149 technically, and he sure as hell feels like it. Yet Hylia herself had this bright fucking idea, an absolutely GENIUS PLAN, to put him on another adventure 30 years after his last one ended. Yeah, Mhm, quick question, your grace. What the fuck???

It all started one sunny morning, a morning like every other morning, really. It should have been a great morning, what with how lovely it was outside, but something was off. Link could smell something in the air, something that wasn't there yesterday. It left a foul taste in his mouth and made him rather uneasy. A strange feeling has rooted itself deep in his chest, gripping tightly around his soul. He initially brushed it off as him being paranoid, but when he looked outside of his little cabin and heard dead silence, he knew something was incredibly wrong.

In the wilderness, it's never silent. There's always some bug humming, a bird singing, the soft scampering of squirrels running up trees, but never silence. Especially not in the mornings. The only reason the animals and insects would be silent, was if there was something out there, something that was dangerous or frightening, enough so that all the animals went in hiding. Usually this only happened when bokoblins came running around, but there hasn't been a bokoblin on the great plateau since the blood moons stopped. There aren't any other predators on the great plateau either. Something is wrong.

In fact, the peacefulness and lack of danger was one of the reasons he even moved up to the great plateau. When hyrule started booming in population things got crowded, and people rushed to make more houses and more towns, and even to rebuild old ones up from the ashes. Initially, he aided in the building of hyrule. He bounced from place to place supplying wood, stones, food, anything they asked for. He didn't even stop to think if it was necessary, and found himself being taken advantage of in rare cases. Thankfully, most of hyrule greatly respects him and would call out those that did take advantage of his kind hearted nature. He recalls one name, who's name he can't remember, asked him for five diamonds and two rubies to see if he'd actually bring it. For and when he did, he made it a habit of asking Link to bring him rare gems so he could sell them off to merchants. It took three days for someone to catch on, and when they did, oh boy. Let's just say the other residents were not happy. Afterwards, he got lectured by Zelda about thinking before accepting something.

Moving to the great plateau was more of a last resort, actually, but kind of poetic in a way. This was where everything started for him, and this is where it'll end. Zelda didn't like the idea of him being so far away from civilization, but to him it was exactly what he needed. Don't get me wrong, he loves how welcoming and

Grabbing his beloved cane, he makes his way through the house, putting on his black turtle neck, needing to roll the sleeve up on his right arm as it won't get past the golden hoops that decorate his arm, at least not comfortably. Over that he puts on his grey and green robes that he got during his second adventure. They're surprisingly comfortable. Putting on a belt and slipping on his sandals, all he needs to do is grab a bow and some arrows so he can go find whatever it was that spooked the animals away.

He may not be as good as he used to, especially with his bad leg, but he sure as hell can shoot a bow. It's not his skills he's worried about, it's finding whatever creature is out there. Could be yiga, could be a passing rito. Who knows?

As he passes through the woods, keeping his eyes and ears out, a sudden rumbling fills the sickly silence. Right, he hasn't ate breakfast yet. Well, he did get shock arrows, might as well do some fishing while he's out.

The good thing about the silence is every little noise stands out all the more, making it all the easier to hear whatever's out there. His hearing isn't as good as it used to be, but it's still exceptional, especially for being half deaf in one ear, courtesy of the calamity.

He treks silently, and wishes he put on his sheikah stealth outfit. Well, too late to go back now. With every snap of a twig and crunch of a leaf he winces, hoping whatever's out there can't hear him.

Anxiety pools in his chest, seeping deep into his veins. He hates to admit it but he's not used to dealing with genuine danger anymore. As mentioned, there aren't any predators on the great plateau. And when he does leave the plateau, it's only for short periods of time, and even then he's surrounded by his friends who all are conveniently well versed warriors, so he never feels at risk. He almost misses the feeling. The feeling of being truly alive. Running from a hinox, just barely dodging a swipe from a lynel, tumbling down a hill after your shield breaks during shield surfing. The feeling of being young. What he doesn't miss, however, is the feeling of dread that comes along with it. The fear that you might not make it out alive. The fear that you might get hurt. The sooner this is over, the better.

He treks through the plateau, only stopping to catch some fish for breakfast. He goes through the entire forest surrounding his house, but finds nothing. He hasn't given up his search, but he has decided to take a break to actually eat the fish he caught.

Returning back to his cottage in silence, he hopes whatever's out there is not very dangerous. He can't have it killing all the game and terrorizing the small woodland creatures.

Recently, thanks largely to Zelda hyrule has been prospering and creating new things, like strange appliances called "stoves". Well, call him old fashioned but he prefers the good ol' cooking pot. Sure, it can't be hard to flip the food in there at times and even harder to make pastries, but what's life without a few good challenges? Besides, it holds so much nostalgia in it. He recalls fondly way back when he'd be traveling for days off road before finding a stable, and finally being able to just relax and cook a nice warm meal. As he got more well known, people would gather around and ask for recipes, or sometimes even to make extra for them. He never minded, he enjoyed the attention at the time. He was so starved for praise he'd do just about anything, even if it meant chasing bugs across hyrule for a handful of rupees. Nowadays, he doesn't rely on praise to feel worthy, and the attention has began to make him uncomfortable. He doesn't like being in the public eye too much, he just wants a nice relaxing life where he can live out his days peacefully. And hopefully, once this whole ordeal is over he can get back to his normal routine.

Starting up a fire under the pot, the silence is all the more deafening. He keeps his ears out, just in case.

He walks inside to grab some butter and salt for seasoning, and by the time he makes it back outside the pot is hot enough to start cooking. Popping the butter in there and watching it melt, he wishes Zelda were here to share this meal with, but she's not due to come by till tomorrow. Maybe they'll have time to visit Sidon?

Placing the fish in the skillet and listening to the sizzle, he sighs. He feels on edge, that strange feeling in his chest has only grown stronger.

The sound of soft chatter fills the void, making Link jump up. Swift as the wind, he places the half raw fish on the window sill, grabbing his bow and cane he starts to make his way towards these voices. The closer he gets, the more he can make out.

"——— —— - —— ——— —!"

"——— ——— ———ing ———ver!"

"Wi— —— pati——"

"— has a ———"

"— —— — vet! —— sense of adven——"

"Can -e not ——t? I'm —- tired and my —— are sore."

"-our feet are alwa— sore, Sky."

"Didn't you say she said we're close? it can't be much longer now."

His breathing was as steady as it could be, and he kept his eyes focused on this party of eight. How in Dins name did they all get up here? The youngest appears to be fourteen, and the oldest can't be any older then thirty. Overall a rather young group, maybe just an adventurous family looking for some thrill? But the one in heavy armor said they're close. Close to what, exactly? Are they looking for something? Or perhaps, someone?

He narrows his eyes as he examines them all. Three of them are wearing vibrant blue, the youngest is one of them. He has short blond hair, and his tunic is bright blue with white embroidery of a lobster. Distantly, he recalls seeing a similar tunic somewhere. He'll need to look through his chest of old clothes he got during his journey to see if he can find it.

The other young one of them has a multicolored tunic with a patch of blue on it, but it's a deeper shade then the classic royal family blue. He looks rather short, but his face looks like that of a teen. Perhaps around sixteen to nineteen?

The last one is wearing a deep, vibrant blue scarf that almost works as a cape, with golden embroidery at the end. He knows he can't gatekeep the color blue, but hylians don't wear that vibrant of a blue except for Zelda and him! It just seems so out of place, and he can't put his finger on why.

It could be that blue is the color of the royal family, and even now most people respect that. Even though it's not the exact shade of the royal family, it's still rather unnerving. If you dye your clothes bright blue, you get weird and judgmental stares (unless you're wearing gerudo clothes, in which case people don't seem to mind) he knows he got a lot of them when he dyed his clothes bright blue, even if they weren't the exact shade of the royal family. And oh boy, the angry looks he got when he regained his champion tunic! Without the mastersword, no one knew he was the hero. All they saw was some scrawny kid dressed up as a dead champion. He even got a few comments about him being disrespectful, even though he couldn't fathom how he was being rude at the time. Now, he understands.

Getting back on track, perhaps they're from another culture, similar to the gerudo? Ohhh, maybe even outsiders not from hyrule? Even nowadays you don't see many of them, stories and rumors of hyrules dangers seem to keep others away, but you'll still catch the occasional brave adventurer.

Another person that particularly sticks out is the brunet that wears the wolf skin. Something about him screams of familiarity, and looking at him leaves him with this strange feeling, but he can't decipher why. He's never seen these men in his life, yet they all look so familiar. Like he's known them all his life, as strange as that is.

The men continue to discuss the area, making it clear they're searching for someone, but it doesn't take long for him to decide they don't have any ill will.

"What do you think he'll be like?" The young one in the bright blue tunic asks, a smile on his face.

"Hopefully he'll have some sense of self preservation, unlike everyone else." The one with dusty blond hair and a green tunic speaks with the shake of his head.

"Hah! Good luck with that." The one in red with no pants laughs, nudging the other playfully.

The one with the white cloth around his shoulders shrugs. "Some of us are cautious when it comes to health!" He defends.

The one in the blue scarf shakes his head. "Don't lie to yourself. I've seen Time blow himself up, and I've seen you fling yourself off of cliffs. No one in this group is even remotely safe. And the new guy won't be either." He decides

He was so engrossed into the conversation, he completely missed a root sticking out of the ground. His bad leg gets caught on said root, sending him right into the ground. If it had been before his fight with dark beast Ganon, he probably would have just stumbled a little bit. But now that his leg is messed up, he can't properly catch himself. He goes face first into the dirt with an undignified yelp, landing painfully across his cane.

He tries to get up, pondering if he should make a run for it. (If he did, he probably wouldn't make it far with how much his leg is burning) but before he can even get half way up, there's a hand outstretched for him to take. He looks up to see the wolf pelt guy, looking at him with those big, beady eyes of his that make him feel both safe and uncomfortable at the same time. He stares up at him, cautiously taking his hand.

"You okay, sir?" He asks, helping him up with a tug. The man wraps his arm around his shoulder to keep him steady. Though his legs shake softly he still manages to stay up right, likely only cause of the help from wolf pelt boy. It takes him a few moments to find his words, and he unconsciously finds himself resting all his weight on his good leg and leaning onto the man.

"Just dandy." He lies, and everyone can tell that was a lie. He was most definitely not dandy. Not dandy in the slightest.

The group eye him wearily, and he can understand why. He looks rather strange. He has nasty scaring covering half of his face, leaving one eye mostly out of commission. His arm looks.. how does one describe it? It looks like it's been burnt to a crisp and decorated with golden hoops. His hair is long and free, already growing gray at the roots. And not to mention his bad leg, that looks like it's missing large chunks of flesh and muscle with strange purple discoloration.

The one with the dusty blond hair and green tunic runs up. "Oh no, your leg! That looks so bad, what happened?" He cries out. "Is there any was I can help?" He asks.

Though Link leans back a bit, he appreciates the thought. "Nope, been like this for years. if there was something to be done, someone would have done it by now I'm afraid." He tells him, his voice grainy and rough.

Green tunic boy nods solemnly. "I see, here let me grab your cane, sir." He offers, bending down and grabbing said cane. He takes a second to admire it, it is quite the piece of craftsmanship. The wood is smoothed down perfectly, and along the side there are five beautiful carvings. That of a bird, a lizard, a camel, an elephant, a sword, and the triforce. A carving for each of the champions and Zelda. Where the eye in the divine beasts carvings would be is a small luminous stone. Not just for decoration purposes, they help him find the cane in the dark should he need to get out of bed in the middle of the night. It's not much, but it works wonders. On the

opposite side, are words. "Wether skyward bound, adrift in time, or steeped in the glowing embers of twilight, the sacred blade is forever bound to the spirit of the hero." The writing is rather small, but not small enough to where you can't read it. The handle is carved perfectly to fit his hand, and at the bottom for traction is an odd substance called "rubber" previously thought to have been lost forever. Zelda herself had commissioned the cane as a gift for him on his twentieth birthday.

It's very extravagant, and he didn't use it often at first due to just how much it stood out. But after a while, he grew to absolutely adore it. It's now one of his most prized positions.

The green tunic boy stares at the writing on the side, before finally handing the cane over to him. "It's very pretty." Is what he says. "Say, your name wouldn't happen to be Link, would it?" He looks at him nervously.

He pauses, how does he answer this? They already saw his cane, and everyone knows the symbols of the divine beasts, even outsiders know what with how large they are. Besides, what are the chances of the yiga coming back? Not very high, but still a possibility. Wolf pelt guy looks at green tunic guy, then back at him with wide eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it immediately. He continues to stare at him with those big beady eyes of his and those strangely familiar markings on his face.

"Uh," Link sighs, giving in. "Yeah, that's me." He answers fearlessly. Perhaps they're fans of his?? He knows he had quite the fan club back in the day when he was young and spry. If so, he doubts that he's who they were expecting.

The youngest steps up. "Are you the hero?! As in you wielded a cool sword and fought a beast named Ganondorf or demise or something else?!" He exclaims, unnecessarily loud. He can hear them perfectly fine, no need to scream at him.

"Yeah, back in the day." He responds, eying the kid wearily. "Haven't done much hero stuff as of late, I'm sure you already know that, though." He tells him.

The entire group gapes at him, looking in between themselves. "Geez, how old are you?" The guy in red clad asks, and the one with one eye and heavy armor smacks the back of his head disapprovingly.

Link decides to ignore that question for now, because he has questions of his own. "How did you all get up here? Did you know I was up here?" He glares at them lightly. The only people that know he's up here are Zelda, Paya, Sidon, Riju, Yunobo, Kass, Teba and Tulin. They wouldn't just go giving his location away all willy-nilly.

The one with the strange white cloth around his back steps up. "Uhm, I have a feeling you aren't going to like this, but..." he reaches around his back, pulling out a sword. He tenses up, reaching around his back to grab his bow, until he sees what sword he wields.

It's the mastersword.

His jaw nearly drops, he hasn't seen her in years! She looks so... different. She feels young and spry, nothing like how he knew her to be.

"By Hylia... who are you?" Is all he can make out. All other words fail him as his hand clenches and unclenches in front of her blade, too nervous to actually touch her.

The strange man chuckles nervously. "My names Link, just like you. We're all Link, and we're all hero's. Hero's from across the ages, that is." He speaks. "We go by our hero titles, my name is Sky for example, as I am the hero of the skies. Over here we have Four, Twilight, Hyrule, Legend, Warriors, Wind, and Time." He tells him, pointing at each one in turn. "Hylia has brought us together to defeat an evil greater then anything we've faced before. In short, we need your help." He explains as simply as possible. "You should put your hand on her- the master sword- she'll give you your hero title and new name."

Link stiffens up. A new adventure? Time travel? How does he even know they're the real deal and this mastersword isn't just a replica? Sure he's heard of these hero's before, he's heard of them in children's story books. Tales of bravery to lull small kids to sleep, making them feel safe and protected. While it was theorized some stories might have some truth to them, it was largely agreed half of them were fake, and those that might be real were largely changed to pander better to kids. Time traveling ocarinas? The minish? Talking boats? All fairytales to tell to kids. And yet here he is, standing in front of literal legends, most of which he didn't even believe in! Hero of the Winds? How does he even exist? He wonders what he would think about people telling kids he had a talking boat. What about the hero of Warriors? It's simply not possible for him to exist! His story was surrounded by impossible things! Bringing in people from across time? Not a possibility!

Sky, upon noticing his hesitation, decides to move things along by gently placing her blade to his hand. A blue glow fills his vision, and nostalgia swells in his chest. A familiar chime fills the silence of the woods, and a voice he hadn't heard in years invades his mind.

"Welcome, hero of the Wilds." She speaks. Sky smiles at this.

"So, hero of the wilds? That would make you Wild!" He tells him. Link, the newly dubbed Wild, is left speechless.

"I- uh- what??" He stumbles out, unsure of how to react to this. Okay, so that's definitely the mastersword. So that would also mean these guys are the real deal.

"Link, Wild, it would be an honor if you would travel along side us, helping us defeat this great evil." Sky speaks, offering his hand.

Truly, the answer was as clear as day.

"No."

And just like that, he turns and walks away from all this bullshit, not sparing a second glance.

The ground stand in stunned silence at first, before chasing after him. Not that they necessarily needed to "chase" as with his cane and limp he wasn't very fast.

"Sir, wait! We need you!" Wind begs, walking along side him. Wild does not look at him.

"Wild, Link, please at least consider!" Sky speaks, walking on the other side of him. "This evil- we need all the help we can get." He explains.

Wild sighs, stopping in his tracks. "I'm not who you want. I'm old, and I'm rusty. You're far too late, maybe try asking me about thirty years ago. Hey, even better! Go back another ten thousand years, there was a great hero then, go find him!" He tells them, glaring daggers at the group.

"It doesn't work like that, Hylia deems you right here, right now a perfect fit!" Sky counters. Wild simply shakes his head and continues walking.

Time is next to speak up. "I know you don't want to go on another adventure, believe me none of us want this. I have a wife at home, this is the last thing I wanted. But we don't have a choice." He tells him with the shake of his head.

Legend nods. "I tried running from this too. Didn't work, if you couldn't tell. She'll still sweep you away, y'know." He warns, but Wild doesn't respond.

They follow him all the way to his little cottage, continuing to beg him to at least consider, but he doesn't pay them any mind. Instead he tries to focus on the surrounding forest. It's kind of hard to do without all the animals, though. Still, he makes do.

He spots the half raw fish still on the window sill, and the fire still going. "I'd appreciate if you'd leave me be now." He says, walking inside and locking the door behind him.

"Wild- Link, please! We need you!" Sky begs.

Wild shakes his head, even though they can't see him. "There's eight of you already, you don't need me." He responds.

"But we're still struggling! We need all the help we can get!" Wind calls out.

"Besides, you don't really have a choice. Hylia will find a way to bring you along." Warriors warns.

Wild glares at the door, as if the group could actually see him. "Then Hylia herself better drag me out by my hair herself or else I'm not going." He responds.

Legend groans. "Look, don't make this more painful then it has to be. If there was a way to avoid this journey, I promise you I wouldn't be here. I tried to hide away in my house, too. What would you know a portal popped up right underneath me." He warns. "And trust me, it's not fun."

Wild open the door, glaring daggers at the group. "I. Don't. Care! Leave me alone!" He yells, slamming the door shut a little too hard, shaking the wall and rattling the picture frames, leaving them crooked. He sighs and goes to fixing them. A photo of him and Zelda before their second adventure, a photo of him in his gerudo outfit and Riju, but most importantly, the group photo of him, Zelda and the champions. Daruk claps the group together with a wide smile, Mipha and Revali are tumbling forwards, looks of surprise forever plastered on their faces. Urbosa leans back with a small smirk on her face, and Zelda and him stare in shock, eyes wide and mouths open as they're watch it all unfold.

A small smile tugs at his face as he adjusts the frame, before making his way to his room, ignoring the sounds of knocking and chatter outside. On the wall proudly hangs his champions tunic, now too small and torn to be worn. Another reminder of his past. With a small sigh he plops onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His stomach growls in hunger, but he ignores it. He'll be fine.

Minutes turn into hours, and those other hero's have yet to leave, and it's really starting to get on his nerves. And he's hungrier then ever. Sure, when he was younger he could go days without eating, but now he's gotten into the habit of a proper, healthy routine, and he just cant do it anymore.

That strange tugging at his chest has suddenly spiked, leaving him gasping for breath. The knocking on his door has become more frantic.

"Uh, Wild? The portals here. You miiiight wanna come out now." Hyrule calls out, peering through the window.

Wild doesn't answer, instead he's far too busy clutching at his chest, confused and distressed by the strange tugging at his soul.

Taking in deep breaths, he instead covers himself in the blankets, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Wild, this is your last warning, just come outside." Time calls out, jiggling the doorknob with a worried look on his face.

"Go away!" Wild yells out, though it's hard to hear through the blankets and doors.

"Your funeral." Legend responds. Four sighs and nudges the others towards the portal that summoned. With groans and complaints, the group filters out, and Wild finally feels at peace.

He lays in bed for a while, just trying to ignore the tugging at his chest. But as time passes, it becomes harder and harder to ignore. It's not necessarily painful, but it is annoying. Like someone's tied a rope to his ribs and is yanking it every other second.

Finally, he decides to stand up. Grabbing his cane he walks through the house, making his way to the kitchen. But as he walks, he feels the world spin and sway under his feet, until there's nothing holding him up. The ground disappears from under his feet, and he finds himself falling into a pitch black void. He cries out as his house vanishes from sight, leaving only the black void. Eventually, colors filter through. Purples and yellows, blues and reds, and the smell of salt fills his senses. The blue and yellow take over his sight, until he hits the ground, landing on his feet with a pained yelp. He falls onto his rear, and then rolls onto his back, squeezing his eyes shut.

When he opens them, there's eight figures standing over him worriedly.

"We warned you." Four speaks, shaking his head. Though he himself looks a little green.

"Welcome to outset island, Wild. Sorry for the rude welcome." Wind speaks, looking around.

Twilight offers him a hand. "We told you, Hylia does what she wants." Wild sighs in response, but takes his hand, wincing at the throbbing pain in his leg. Twilight reaches and grabs his cane, handing it to him.

"So I really am stuck with you lot? A third adventure?" He complains, shaking his head. "I'm too old for this." He mumbles under his breath.

"Hey, it won't be too bad!" Hyrule speaks, patting his back with a remorseful look on his face. "I'm sorry we have to drag you into this."

Wild looks off to the side. Zelda's gonna be so worried about him! She's supposed to visit tomorrow!

"I'll live, I guess." He mumbles.

Well, the only way out is forward, he supposes.

[robininthelabyrinth]

🍊🍋Wen Chao and/or wen xu is a good guy and actually wants to end wen ruo jan's reign of terror (cloud recesses, lotus pier, xuanwu cave or all are elaborate ruses)

ao3

Untamed

“A-Chao,” Wen Xu said. “I think our father is insane.”

Wen Chao’s eye twitched visibly, his shoulders rising up to his ears. “You can’t say that! That’s treason!”

“I’ve already made sure there’s no one anywhere around us right now, not even people I trust.”

Down went the shoulders.

“Of course he’s insane,” Wen Chao said. “Some of his orders recently…”

He shook his head.

“Not much of an empire to rule if they’re all ghost puppets, is there?” he concluded. “I think the Yin Metal is poisoning his brain.”

“I agree,” Wen Xu said. “Now what do we do about it? He’s just ordered me to raze the Cloud Recesses.”

“…when you say raze –”

“To the ground.”

“What happened to just dominating the rest of the cultivation world?” Wen Chao complained. “I liked that plan. I was going to have a really great life. A palace. Servants. Good food. Even better wine. Enough clothing to keep Jiaojiao from complaining.”

“I…don’t know if that’s possible,” Wen Xu said. “Haven’t you given her three closets’ worth already?”

“I have no idea, and I’m too attached to my balls to ask.”

“Anyway,” Wen Xu said. “What do we do about it?”

“You’re asking me?” Wen Chao said.

“Well I’m certainly not going up against him by myself! He’ll kill me!”

“You think he would hesitate to kill both of us?”

“Ugh. Is there anyone we can ask for help? Anyone we haven’t pissed off?”

They both paused, thinking.

“…no,” Wen Chao said. “But in our defense, we never thought we’d need any of them, did we?”

“I don’t think anyone is going to buy that as an excuse,” Wen Xu said, scowling. “Fuck. Isn’t there anyone?”

“Well,” Wen Chao said. He did not continue.

“No,” Wen Xu said. “No. He literally wants to cut off our heads.”

“So does everyone else in the cultivation world,” Wen Chao said. “At least we know Sect Leader Nie hates Dad more than he hates us, which isn’t something that can be said about the rest of them.”

“Fuck,” Wen Xu said. “What’s our alternative plan?”

“…become ghost puppets?”

“Fuck.”

-

“You do remember that I want to kill you both?” Nie Mingjue said, scowling at them.

“We were betting on you wanting to kill our father more,” Wen Chao said.

“I’m not sure,” Nie Mingjue said. “You’re very obnoxious.”

Wen Chao scowled.

“He has a point, A-Chao,” Wen Xu said.

“Shut up.”

“Respect your elders!”

“If you two are going to start fighting, I’m leaving,” Nie Mingjue said.

They both squinted at him. “Does that mean you might not leave if we stop?” Wen Xu asked.

Nie Mingjue’s scowl got even worse, but eventually he begrudgingly said “…well, I really hate your father.”

They both exhaled in relief.

“What’s your plan?” Nie Mingjue asked.

“This was about as far as it went,” Wen Xu admitted, and Nie Mingjue gaped at him. “What? If we had planning skills, we’d be ruling the world.”

“Jiaojiao wants jewelry now,” Wen Chao agreed. “Lots of it. Keeping a mistress is expensive.”

“I’ll…take your word for that,” Nie Mingjue said, looking mildly uncomfortable.

“You’re always plotting against our father, right?” Wen Xu asked.

“No,” Nie Mingjue said. “If I could plot, your father would already be dead.”

“Good point,” Wen Chao said, but he wasn’t the sort of person to let little details like that discourage him. “But surely you know someone who can?”

“Just keep in mind that I’m on a deadline here,” Wen Xu said. “I have to leave to go raze the Cloud Recesses by the end of the week.”

“You want me to come up with a plan to defeat your father before the end of the week?!”

“Uh, yeah,” Wen Xu said. “That’s what I said, wasn’t it?”

“It was,” Wen Chao agreed.

“I’m going to go get Meng Yao,” Nie Mingjue decided. “And Huaisang, too, why not, somehow he always gets his way no matter what I do. Maybe he can come up with something for this.”

-

“I think we’re going to need expert assistance,” Nie Huaisang declared. “I’m thinking this is Wei Wuxian levels of plotting.”

“He can plot?” Wen Chao said dubiously. “Are you sure? He took nearly a week to fight a mildly ominous bird.”

“…is that so?” Nie Huaisang said, and sighed. “Okay, fine. Meng Yao, guess it’s up to you and me.”

Meng Yao was blinking his eyes very rapidly.

“What?” Wen Chao said. “You have an awful father too, don’t look so shocked about us wanting to get rid of ours.”

“That’s just how his brain works when he’s thinking,” Nie Huaisang assured him. “He’s kicking it like it’s a sleeping donkey that doesn’t want to get to work; give him a minute and he’ll be coming up with all sorts of ideas.”

“Good ideas?”

“All sorts of ideas.”

“…any good ideas? Mediocre ideas, even?”

“Listen, we have until the end of the week,” Nie Mingjue said irritably. “You’ll take whatever ideas we give you and you’ll like it, you hear me?”

“Is it too late to get Wen Zhuliu in on this?” Wen Xu asked Wen Chao.

“He has that weird thing for Dad,” Wen Chao reminded him.

“Fuck,” Wen Xu said. “I’d wiped that from my memory through the application of a great deal of alcohol, but yes, you’re right. Okay. Hit me with your worst plan.”

-

“That’s worse than I thought it was going to be.”

“Shut up and just do it.”

-

“I will now, in the name of the Wen sect, attack –” Wen Xu grimaced. “– this cave.”

“It’s a very important cave, actually,” one of the Lan disciples muttered.

“Be quiet,” Lan Wangji said.

They were all pretending not to notice the main force of Lan sect disciples, led by Lan Xichen, carting their precious books and treasures out of the Cloud Recesses right behind him.  

“I am attacking this very important cave,” Wen Xu clarified. “Of extreme importance to the Lan sect. So important, in fact, that it is clearly the correct target for an invasion.”

They stood around a while longer.

Someone cleared their throat. “Should we fight?”

“I can have my men beat you up if you really want,” Wen Xu said.

“…no thanks.”

“Then be quiet.”

There was a bit more standing around. Eventually Lan Qiren coughed.

“Would you like a chair or something?” Wen Xu asked, then frowned. “Never mind, I probably can’t justify that.”

“Probably not,” Lan Qiren agreed. He looked pained. Probably by the whole situation, but who knew, maybe he just had a bad back and the standing around was getting to him. “You will be taking Wangji hostage after this?”

“Along with most of the heirs of the Great Sects,” Wen Xu said. “As agreed, we’ll keep them out of the way.”

“Sometimes the most dangerous place is the safest place.”

“…yeah, that. Either way, they’ll be kept out of trouble.”

-

“This is not out of trouble!” Wei Wuxian shouted as they ran away from the Xuanwu.

“This stretch of river has never caused anyone any problems!” Wen Chao shouted back. “Ever! You’re the one who found the fucking cave!”

“Shut up and keep running!” Jiang Cheng howled.

-

“I really like your hair,” Wang Lingjiao told Madame Yu. “Also, that dress.”

Wen Chao sighed.

“Expensive tastes?” Wei Wuxian asked, pouring him some wine.

“You have no idea,” Wen Chao said glumly. “My allowance can’t cover it, so I ended up putting her as a line item in the military budget.”

“You did?” Jiang Cheng said. “Did your father, uh, object?”

“He’d have to notice.”

“I wonder how many other things he wouldn’t notice,” Wei Wuxian muttered to himself.

“You’re a young master of Yunmeng Jiang,” Jiang Cheng said, rolling his eyes. “What could you possibly want to fund that we won’t pay for?”

“I don’t know,” Wei Wuxian said. “Mad science experiments?”

-

“Can you pay him to stop?” Wen Xu asked. “I don’t even like flute music.”

“Shut up,” Wen Chao said. “You’ve been decapitated, remember?”

“Oh yeah, ‘decapitated’. And now I’m being force-fed lots of Qinghe barbeque,” Wen Xu said. “My life is really hard.”

“Why you…!”

Wen Xu sniggered. “How’s it going with Wen Zhuliu?”

“Fine, I think?” Wen Chao said. “He hasn’t actually noticed that the ‘demons’ we’re being hunted by aren’t really demons, but that’s because he’s been mostly drinking away his weird crush on our dad. I think Wen Ning is spiking his drink with something.”

They both turned to look at Wen Ning, who shrugged.

“Couldn’t have happened to a nicer person,” Wen Xu decided. “Are they attacking the Nightless City soon?”

“I think so.”

“What happens then?”

“Dunno.”

“Going to be kind of awkward when we ‘come back from the dead’ to take over.”

“I’m going to blame it on Wei Wuxian and his new weirdo cultivation,” Wen Chao decided. “We’re all sentient corpses he’s resurrected and using to puppet the Wen sect. Wen Ning, you in on this?”

“…sure,” Wen Ning said. “But only if I get first rights on ‘Ghost General’ as a nickname.”

“Oh, that’s a good one.”

-

“Thanks for the patricide,” Wen Xu said.

“Think nothing of it,” Nie Mingjue said. “Also, say nothing of it. Ever. In fact, let’s never talk again.”

“Can’t do that,” Wen Chao said. “Madame Yu told Jiaojiao that she got that fancy headpiece from Qinghe, so she wants to go there on a shopping trip.”

“Our economy could use the boost, da-ge,” Nie Huaisang said, and Nie Mingjue sighed. “It’s going to be a really big boost. Especially if she convinces Madame Jin from Lanling to come with her.”

“I still can’t believe they made friends,” Wei Wuxian marveled. “It must come from having more money than brains.”

“Brains aren’t exactly what I look for in a partner,” Wen Chao said. “Luckily for you, neither does your boyfriend.”

“Hey, I have brains!”

“You’re certainly intelligent,” Meng Yao – now named Jin Guangyao – told him.

“See?”

“That was an insult,” Nie Mingjue said.

“…hey!”

“When are you coming back to Qinghe?” Nie Huaisang asked Jin Guangyao, who blinked. “I mean, unless you want to spend all your time slaving away for a guy who thought Wen Ruohan was neat.”

“He’s right,” Wen Xu said. “Father or not, don’t do it. It’s not worth it. You’ll end up having to rebel and ask your worst enemies for help and it’s awkward.”

“I appreciate the offer,” Jin Guangyao said. “But I really can’t accept.”

“Why not?” Nie Huaisang asked.

Wen Chao pointed at him. “Seconded.”

Jin Guangyao grimaced at them both. Possibly it was meant to be a smile.

“You don’t have to go to the Unclean Realm, A-Yao,” Lan Xichen said.

“Thank you, er-ge.”

“You can come to the Cloud Recesses instead.”

“Er-ge…”

“Did anyone ever tell the Jin sect that we were working with the Wen heirs?” Nie Mingjue wondered out loud, and everyone frowned. “Because if they don’t know, and Jin Guangshan thinks he’s being subtle with the whole trying to hire Xue Yang thing, things are going to get really awkward.”

“…well, shit,” Jiang Cheng said. “I call not being the one to tell him.”

“Seconded!”

“Cloud Recesses, you said?” Jin Guangyao asked Lan Xichen, who looked pleased.

“I’m leaving,” Wen Xu decided. “I want nothing to do with this disaster. You all have fun now, I’m fucking off back to the Nightless City to live the rest of my life as a very rich man with no life goals.”

“I want to do that,” Nie Huaisang said.

“No,” Nie Mingjue said.

“But –”

“No.”

“Hey,” Wei Wuxian said. “Unrelatedly, anyone have any ideas on what should I do with the whole resentful energy seal thing now?”

“I don’t know,” Wen Chao said. “Play a giant game of keep away with it and then fake your own death?”

[secretbangtnn]

Best Of Me| Two

Pairings : →ot7 x reader, poly!BTS x reader

Genre : → vampireau, yandere!au, age gap, gore, obsessive behavior, ddlg/caregiver, poly, fantasy, supernaturals

summary : It’s quite unusual to find a little baby on your doorstep, especially that their area was not of the poorest - you could say that a vampire town was efficient with money and snobby creatures. However over time the first idea of just giving back the little girl seems more and more radical and those moody vampires slowly start perceiving deeper feelings to human they even wanted to kill.

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notes ~ I did it!!! Omg im so happy I finished it, hopefully the next one are going to come sooner. The first chapters are going to be with a baby oc - im sorry if its boring, but after it we can start with the real plot, the things are gonna get dark. Hope that you will like it, and remeber to give me some feedback - im whore for a comments and ask and beside they motivate me very much

taglist :

@missseoulite @gukkculture @silscintilla @the-falling-star @apollonshootafar @mwitsmejk @lovinggalaxies @b-e-t-x-s-o @jisoosbitch @ariverflowsonthemoon @maboiisuga @peachescream1723 @sichajeon

Cries everywhere. Sobbing so loud that all the birds disappeared from their little birdhouse outside the window. And as funny the view was, a big ball of stress and nerves started collecting itself in the rather calm manor. Reason of all this mess was just one, so easy to notice.

“Jungkook!” Just like a ball of nerves now the big ball of dirty blankets and clothes hit the young vampire, making him stumble a little. Obvious disgust on his face with a piece of distaste on his tongue which just a second ago had been caused by the same thing he now fisted in his hands.

“You didn’t have to throw it at me!” Barked Jungkook staring at the broad shoulders of his oldest brother. Child now a little calmer, however still sobbing slightly, keeping the atmosphere at bay.

“You have brung the kid so you will hold the things he made. Be happy that I'm not forcing you to change the diaper instead.”

Disgust on all of their faces is now being something normal, having kids in the same room as them, definitely does not go well with hundred years old vampires. The only one without a gag reflex seems to be Seokjin, acting like a pro mother, just after her 3rd pregnancy with the next on the road. However all of them agreed with the statement that it was all but Jungkook's fault, which came with consequences for said boy.

Thus now sitting on the couch, five of the ramaing vampires, looked with a bored expression at the panicked and nearly vomiting jungkook. Youngest of them always had a soft stomach, never being the one to clean after disasters, forcing people to basically clean after him, and maybe that's why all of them felt such a satisfaction upon them while staring at the shitty situation.

Literally shitty.

Stumbling a little from the intense smell, Jungkook started to try getting rid of the used diaper in his hands, holding it with his fingers dingling it as far from his face as he could. Maybe the smelly object was not the only thing that should be named like a feces, knowing that a person who should just throw the diaper away, purposefully walked closer than intended to a couch with older vampires, stumbling not that accidentally and making the thing in his hand fly straight to a lap of a reading Namjoon.

A moment of silence, only lasting for a short second. Namjoon was never the one to shout or get mad, rather prefering to act calm and well put together, believing in a peace making and solutions not requiring usage of violence but when the heavy baggage on his lap suddenly started to warm his lap, he completely crushed his persona as well as book in his hands.

“Ups...hehe.” Jungkook laughed awkwardly, knowing well his fate. Doe eyes looked at the tall man, standing a little farther than him, just behind the couch. Jaw tightened so were the hands, keeping the last strings of calmness that were floating on very dangerous water.

“Listen, before you actually do something think of the time when you destroyed my ps4 and

I did not even complain.” Hands just before him similar to the way you would to with a wild animal, and in Jungkook's opinion, it was not that far from the truth, observing how Namjoons jaws nearly crushed from the tension.

“Okay okay, we all need to calm down, It was just an accident.” Cut in red head, standing in the middle of the war zone. It was stupid idea, definetly not the brightes of the sunny vampire, even if it came from the good intentions. Hoseok, just like an innocent child that got stuck in a big people argument, was the one that got hurt in the end.

And everybody knew that when Hoseok gets mad it's the extremity that anyone in this room is scared to experience once again. There is silent agreement between the rest of the brothers that was made after one of Hoseok's outburst, promising that no matter what the devil can’t come out.

The apple of discord laying now upon redhead’s feet, innocent like a little kitten that just waits to be petted, but in this case it wasn neither a fluffy ball of fur and definitely not something that should be touched.

Silence so loud, banging in their ears with an uneven breath. Second after second, rest that were not included in the middle, counted sitting on their heels with nerve wracking feelings.They stared as Hoseok’s shoulders rose and went down with each puff of air from his flared nostrils, neither of them dared to move, preferring to stay in a safe zone.

Just as red headed one wanted to take his first kill, a loud laugh echoed in a room, coming from a little child in Seokjin's arms, that probably just came back from being cleaned up. A fresh smile on its face, eyes sparkly looking straight at the scene.

“What are you doing, idiots?” Asked Seokjin, a visible vein on his forehead, sticking out under his free hand that now pinched a bridge of his nose. His eyes catching a glimpse of the used diaper, right on his favorite carpet. “You had one thing to do, one thing Jungkook.”

“It was an accident I swear on my ps4!” He tried explaining, shaking his arms. Seokjin saw to much lived too long to believe it, everybody knew it but even than they acted like bunch of idiots when something like this happen.

“Namjoon destroyed it, you said it yourself.” Spoke Jimin, sitting on a couch with a happy smile, pleased with himself. Younger's head immediately halted in his way, a look of betrayal on his face.

“You midge…”

“I don’t care, just clean it up, in the meantime me with the little snack are going to cook something, right my little cutie?” Cuted the older while caressing the child in his arms, turning his voice in a baby one. And just like this the scene came to the same point, the only difference was that neither Namjoon or Hoseok were in the room, probably running away as fast as Sekojins came.

Jungkook sighed, squatting down to take care of the said thing. Again the disgust and a feeling of nausea hitted him with a side giggles of his blonde haired brother.

Going into the kitchen he spotted the child that looked at him as soon as he appeared. Little smile and sweet laugh, making him soft and mushy for a while.

“I hope you know that you gave us a big problem with bringing a human child there.” Seokjin spoke, not looking from a cutting board, himself to immersed in said action

Jungkook knew, earlier thinking of it like a mere action, something that they can get rid of as fast as a lollipop wrapper. But it was not, and now looking at the kid, he realized how his careless behaviour could weigh down not only on his family but the whole society of vampires.

“I’m-”

“Don’t just apologize, we need to take care of it as fast as we can, in the meantime doing everything to not harm it. If someone finds out it’s going to be a bigger problem, probably even straining the relationship with human - and that’s something we do not want.” Cuted older, in the end turning around pointing the sharp knife on Jungkook.

It was true, the delicate stattlement between those two societies is still new, fresh and hot, ready to burn anyone's fingers, anyones who is to carless. The today is a better world, something that all of the brothers know, remembering dark times - some of them being not older than mere hatchling then. World was a dangerous place to live in, vampires hunting humans, humans hunting vampires, a competition that never got settled, and they hope it never will.

“Try feeding it and come to the living room after you are done. We will discuss the next actions - good luck.” A little wink at the end, Seokjin wiped his hands off on the way patting the younger's back, harder than normally.

“Wait what?! You are not being serious right now, right?” Asked confused Jungkook, fastly turning around to an already disappearing figure. Cold sweat on his body as he looked at the smooth face of the older, that defended a flying kiss to his shocked self. “Why can’t you do it?”

“I can. But the human seems to take a liking to you.” And how absurd it sounded, the baby really looked at Jungkook like some god, sparkly eyes always following his bigger figure.

“Seokjin! Don’t leave me please, I can’t do it.”He whined, looking for the said man, to his luck he was nowhere to be found. It was going to be alright - he tried to believe in those words now clutching baby spoon, that he was sure they did not have, and a mashed food, looking more like dog food than actual meal.

His Eyes staring right into the sparkly and to obnoxious happy, making him even more irritated. In the end, Jungkook hated little children, being and acting like one himself

Little hands stretching towards him with a toothless smile on the side, getting bigger as Jungkook came closer. That was it, taking a big breath he come to the other side of the table - almost touching the stool where the human sat. Ready and determined to get the task done, treating it similar to a quest in the game, he took the little spoon with some of the smashed food, and started to get closer to the child's mouth.

And as the brothers again started to live their normal life, thinking that at least for now, everything is settled, a very obvious squeal shook the while house.

“HYUNG!...IT WANTS TO TOUCH ME! GET IT AWAY, GET IT AWAY!”

___

All of them now sitting on the couches and armchairs, taking nearly all of the space. Some of the observing the crawling baby with prominent couriousty some of them with disgust even fear, not knowing what future the baby will bring.

Namjoon although feeling the little distaste, knew or better had a plan with what to do.

Smile on his lips not reaching his eyes, however stumbling on the way of eye contact with some of his brothers.

“Okay so, definitely we need to do something with...this.” Said Jimin, look on his face full of distress and disgust resting on the child, that as if it knew of Jimin’s attention looked back full of giggles and reaching hands.

“That is obvious, we can’t keep human child.” Barked Yoongi, the one which rather prefered to stay quiet in those metters.

“Jungkook should take care of it, It’s not my fault he is to stupid to not question a left human on a doorstep.” Smug smile now on Jimin's face, as he gave the side glance to the said male, happy with triggering the younger temper.

“As If you woul…”

“Okay we get it Jimin, it was Jungkook's fault, but still it can affect us all, so try to be at least a little bit helpful or shut up” Interrupted Seokjin staring at both of them in turn. The oldest obviously tired of all of the drama, massaging his scalp, to relieve the tension a little. “Let's start one by one, any ideas?”

Silence, a loud silence throwing the tension to the already burning fire. Seokjin's vein once again appeared on his forehead, making Jungkook nearly knock from a terrifying sight of it. It was pulsating, green and bumpy.

“Maybe let’s put it back?” Asked the quiet voice, Sekojin ready to snap at the stupid idea thinking that some of the youngers don’t know limit of the unfunny jokes, only to find innocent eyes of Hoseok.

“That’s … well that is AN option, thank you Hoseok - keep it up. Any other ideas?” Seokjin’s hands molded into a thump, giving the tired smile to Hoseok, knowing of his still busing nerves.

“Why are we even trying so hard, throw it away i say.” Jimin mumbled while staring at the little child going his way, quickly putting his feet on the couch, scared of a chance of being touched by the human.

Tired sight left mouth of the olders, his vein fading a little - to Jungkook luck, and his hands now clenching his blonde lock. He was helpless, disappointed in his brother's ideas and intelligence. He was sure that, that was indeed an end, his family will be arrested for keeping human, and vampires are going to lose a peace they fighted for.

Everything because Jungkook wanted to take unfamiliar child to their house.

“What about the orphanage that opened like one month ago, can’t we just leave it there?” Cuted Namjoon, making everyone snap their head. Seokjin nearly crying, wanting to kiss his brother as much as choke him for his slow process of thinking.

“Couldn’t you say earlier?!