#it was truly a flat fuck friday

[extrashortshorts]

...☀️

[front-facing-pokemon]

personally i just dislike stunfisk in general but yeah galarian is so much better. they should have saved that type for a cooler mon, but eh. let’s hope smth cooler gets ground/electric

i have to appreciate it for its flat fuckery. that's just unmatched with any other pokémon. i dunno why it needs a beak though. it kinda reminds me of an octopus, the way its face looks. it's probably based off of some kind of Sea Creature that i am unaware of but that some Sea Creature Hyperfixator could probably tell me about in the comments. lots of flat fucks in the sea i think

also take these:

[texas-bbq-pringles]

holy shit

flat fuck friday

[nonjuxtaposed]

doing a shot and smoking half a bowl and setting up macro videos of isopods on fullscreen a few inches from my face so i can beam them directly into my brain

[charliemwrites]

Part 5 (it’s getting out of control) of Charmed Slasher Simon.

Part 4 is here. (Master list coming soon)

(Slight warning for a coworker being a bit of a pushy creep but Simon handles it)

“Riiiiileyyyy.”

Ah, that’s your naughty voice. It means he’s going to want to do awful, terrible things to you out of pure endearment for your cheek.

He turns, arches an eyebrow as you nearly skip up to him. Your hair is shorter.

“New haircut?” he asks as if his fingers aren’t twitching to bury in it and pull your head back.

“Yup! Thought about dyeing it orange, but decided it would clash with my flat.”

He snorts, gives in to the urge to curl a strand around his finger, watches it bounce back into place. You don’t seem to mind, sticking your cute little tongue out at him. (If you’re not careful, he’s going to put you on your knees and have you wrap it around his cock right there.)

“Sensible choice,” he replies, “yellow is more your color.”

You giggle, aren’t bothered by his flat, almost inflectionless tone. “You think?”

“Highlighter yellow. Or maybe banana.”

“Hey, I like bananas!”

He smirks. “Oh yeah? Big ones?”

You shove at him, face going hot. He doesn’t move an inch, not that you were trying hard. Touchy little thing. You remind him of those little birds that flutter around lions, picking and pecking right under their noses, amusing themselves with death.

“Don’t be icky, Riley.”

“Icky.”

“Gross nasty.”

“We’re name calling now?”

“It’s not name calling if it’s true.”

He clicks his tongue, ushers you into the building.

“There a reason for the new hair?” he asks, eyeing it. It’s pretty, don’t get him wrong. But he didn’t know you were getting your hair cut today.

“Fancy office party tonight,” you sigh, rolling your eyes. “My stylist just managed to get me in, but now I’ve gotta rush to get ready.”

“Now who said you could go out?”

“What are you gonna do, stop me?” you laugh, clearly thinking he’s teasing. He’s not. If you looked at his face, you’d know it. But you’re busy fussing with your keys, trying to unlock your door.

“I might.”

“Oh, you stop,” you huff, shaking your head. “It’s not even movie night!”

He’s been coming over once a week to watch a movie and drink with you. One of you picks the movie, the other picks the takeaway. He always chooses a horror movie, likes how your eyes water when you get truly scared. You refuse to watch slashers (haven’t told ‘Riley’ why) but you’ll indulge paranormal ones.

It’s not movie night - those are on Saturdays. This is Friday.

“What if I just kidnap you?” he asks. “Keep you in all weekend?”

You hum as if in thought, glancing at him over your shoulder. “Could I go back to work on Monday?”

“Have to see how I’m feeling on Sunday.”

You giggle. “A tempting offer, but you’ll have to settle for kidnapping me just for Saturday.”

“I don’t think you understand how kidnapping works.”

“I’d be a terrible hostage,” you say. He arches an eyebrow, inviting you to continue. “I have to pee when I’m nervous, I’d be talking their ear off - and! I cry like, so much.”

Oh he knows. He thinks of tears running down your pretty face when he cums.

“Some kidnappers like the crying. Theyre sadists.”

You scrunch your face. “But it’s like… gross crying. Total mess. And I make dying seal noises.”

No, you don’t, not in his experience with you at least. But he’s not going to explain that to you.

“Didn’t you have something to get ready for?” he asks because he’s violently wrestling the urge to make good on his threat.

“Fuck!” You glance at your watch, brows scrunching. “If I’m late, I’m blaming you, Riley Simmons.”

“Oh no.”

You stick your tongue out at him one last time and disappear behind your door.

—

He hears you come back at 11:30, has been waiting up. Pauses when he hears two sets of footsteps, a man’s voice talking to you. A wave of bloodlust nearly drowns his better sense.

You brought someone home from a work event? Did you lie to him and go on a date?

“Well, thanks for walking me to my door, Brandon.”

“Was happy to. Don’t want anyone snatching you up off the street now, do we?” An annoying laugh. Yours sounding a little flat and strained joining him.

“Oh, hey, mind if I come in?” Brandon asks. So casually, as if the yes is expected.

Simon’s hands ball into tight fists.

“Ah, it’s pretty late…”

“Well, that’s what Saturday is for, right?”

Oh. That little roach. Simon’s going to hang him by his own guts.

“I have plans tomorrow, actually.”

Good girl.

“That’s alright,” Brandon persists. “Just one drink. Least you can do since I went out of my way, right?”

“I mean, you didn’t have to, I would have been fine.”

There’s some genuine annoyance in your voice this time. Simon’s proud.

“Nah, what kind of gentleman would I be if I let you go home after having drinks?” Brandon chuckles.

“I didn’t have that many - and anyway I’m here now, so…”

“And so am I. At least a little something for my troubles?”

And Simon hears just the slightest, faintest ruffle of clothes.

That’s enough.

Simon yanks his door open and steps out. You’re nearly pancaked to your own door, head snapping to him with relief.

“Riley!”

Brandon takes a step back, expression stormy. Simon almost laughs. Little prick is barely taller than you, has done hard work maybe twice in his life. His hands look softer than yours. And he’s wearing a sweater vest.

“Did we wake you up?” you ask.

Simon saunters down the hall towards you. The closer he gets, the more nervous Brandon gets. But you seem to relax a bit more with each step, even shift towards him.

Very good girl.

“Was already up.” He doesn’t look away from Brandon, radiating menace.

You hum in understanding - know Simon keeps late hours. Brandon clears his still-intact throat and you jolt a bit, expression wilting.

“Oh, um. Riley this is my coworker. Brandon, this is Riley, my neighbor.”

“How do you do?” Brandon replies stiffly.

Simon’s not playing along.

“You try to push her again, someone will be pushing you in a wheelchair the rest of your life. Understand?”

Brandon sputters while your eyes go adorably wide, expression caught between horror and gratitude. Like you don’t know if you should be condoning his threats.

“I beg your pardon?!”

“Not yet, but you will if I see you here again, yeah?”

Brandon’s face drains of blood. You press your lips together.

“Now get the fuck out. I’ve got her from here.”

Brandon, worm that he is, scurries away with a hasty “see you Monday”. You don’t reply, too busy blinking up at Simon with parted lips.

He chucks you gently under the chin, eyes narrowing in amusement.

“Off to bed. I’m kidnapping you tomorrow.”

You audibly swallow, then nod.

“Thank you.”

“Good manners.”

First | Previous | Next

Masterlist

[glacierclear]

ISN'T BITE ALSO TOUCH? part ii.

fuckboy!leon x gn!reader

content: hurt/some comfort, angst, apologies, reader is sad, brief intrusive thoughts, mentions of alcohol

The seasons change. You can only hope he will, too.

[ao3 link]

…and you didn’t see him for three months.

The shifting grace of Autumn gave way to ice. A once verdant campus green now muddled under gray snow, crunched with grit and soot. Passerbys did not linger. Bundled under layered coats and coiled up scarves, students hastily searched for warmth, leaving the sidewalks barren and lonely.

You relied on consistent distraction. School work that numbed your fingers. A fleeting, creative hobby that lasted all of a week. Outings with peers who’d never consider you a friend. None of it seemed to fix you.

And God, you missed him. More than anything in the world.

But the words looped in your head. The stinging from that night boiled into agony.

I don’t fucking need you.

He didn’t mean it. You knew better than to take his venom at face value. But it nurtured the foulest parts of yourself. Self-loathing feasted like a gluttonous beast, growing fat on the careless anger of his beer-fueled tantrum. Because if there was even the slightest chance of it being true…what had it all been for?

Were you truly just a warm body he used for shallow company? Is it possible you were just as disposable as all the rest?

But those thoughts were never allowed to mature. You snipped the buds and opened another lecture video, paralyzing any hint of an emotional response.

Sometimes you’d see him. In the distance, hovering at the edge of his usual crowd, smiling. Once or twice you even made eye contact, but he’d break it within the first moment, as if he had seen nothing but a fly among trash. It’s on those days that you cried. Cried and cried, until all that remained was bitter apathy.

Angrily, you wished he felt the same. You wanted him to break. You wanted him to regret every moment of that night from the instant his eyes opened that morning. You wanted him lost and abandoned and miserable, just like you.

And, truly, it only confirmed your worst fear. If you were always this hateful beneath it all, he never really needed you.

December bit frost under the brittle edges of your fingernails, and you conquered every day with the determination of an undying plague. Christmas was only a week away, and if you could just make it to the holidays, maybe you’d finally start to heal. There’s catharsis in the new year, meaningless or not. It might’ve been what you needed to forget everything. To forget him.

You trudged back home, your evening class wrapped up and concluded for the day. Friday used to mean something. It meant a weekend with Leon. Drunk, covered in gummy worms, squealing at some god-awful horror movie he rented just to get you to hold him. He used to wrap an arm around you, hugging you tight, promising to the moon and the stars he’d keep you safe from anything.

It was hard to take him seriously with popcorn in his teeth, but now you found yourself fantasizing the memory with teary eyes, although it’s probably just the cold weather.

With rosy cheeks and a dripping nose, you turned your key into the lock, kicking open your door with a disgruntled shove. It was dark. Your roommate left for the holiday early, leaving your dorm hollow and unwelcoming. You hovered in the common area, letting the mask you wore crumble off piece by piece.

Friday used to mean something. Now all you did was rot. You stepped over towards your half of the flat, reaching forward on instinct before a reactionary tug gave you pause. Your door was closed. It wasn’t when you left for class.

You listened, straining to hear beyond the chipped oak, but you received nothing. With a dry mouth, you closed your fingers around the knob, twisting, pushing your way in.

What awaited you inside nearly sent you to the floor.

He sat cross-legged by the bed, curled up on your little, brown rug. All you could see was his back, and the gaudy, expensive headphones clamped shut over his head. His head nodded gently to a beat you could barely make out, and he thumbed slowly through a book yanked off your shelf. It wasn’t the careless flipping of empty words, but the patient turning of pages of someone actually reading.

He never read around anyone but you.

You crept closer, letting your backpack drop to the ground like a lead weight, crashing and jolting Leon out of whatever paragraph he was enjoying. He batted the headphones off his ears, swirling to gape at you with wide, fearful eyes. His eyes.

Your favorite shade of blue.

“Jesus! Scared the fucking shit out of me–” He pressed a palm to his temple, panic easily bleeding away, but in its place you saw him tense, awaiting your anger.

“I scared you? You…how’d you even…did you break into my room?” You met him with accusation, though all you wanted was to hold him.

“...I mean, yeah. Duh. Not like you’d ever let me in willingly.” The dismissive tone of his voice riled you up more than you’d care to admit, and you stepped closer.

“Of course you’d stoop to this instead of just asking. What the hell is wrong with you?” The seasonal chill you felt walking home has all but melted completely. You were a live wire. “How’d you even get in here?”

“Come on. You know I bribe the janitor. We’re bros, me and Jeff.” He donned a cocky smirk.

“Oh, well, that’s great. I’m so happy for you, Leon. Now get the fuck out.” You vaguely gestured towards the exit, glowering down at him with an impatient scowl.

Leon’s smirk dropped. He set down the book, standing to his full height. You forgot how much taller than you he was.

“...no. I’m not leaving. Not this time.” His face hardened into a devastating intensity, prying out your seams one by one. “We need to talk. I need to…fix this.” You watched him flail his hands a bit, attempting to sculpt form to whatever this was.

You knew it would never be enough. No apology or heartfelt confession would repair the damage carved from three months of absence after the worst night of your life.

But you’ve always had shitty taste in guys, and he was the shittiest. You missed him more than anything in the world.

“Fine. Speak.” You settled on an impartial response, arms folded across your midsection. “But I’m really not in the mood for bullshit, Leon. I’m not.”

“I know,” he hung his head. “I know. I…” You were kind enough to grant him patience. The time you knew he’d need. Emotionally stunted didn’t even come close to describing Leon, and any effort on his part to offer honesty is effort you needed to encourage, in your own quiet way.

“I fucked up, okay? I really fucked up. Just like I always do and–” You noticed him halt, sucking at his teeth and wincing as if cinched with pain. “No. I’m not…fuck, listen. I’m not trying to like, make you feel bad for me I just…I always do this. I do, and you didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

The words came out stuttered and unsure, as if the mere concept of an apology churned the acid in his gut. And maybe it did. What little you knew of his childhood easily explained his behavior. A blood-red thread woven into his heart like stripes on a cobra.

You nodded, coaxing him to continue. You would not shelter him with yielding platitudes.

“...all that shit I said…I was…god, I was scared. Do you realize what the hell you are? What, fuck, what you mean to me? The most fucking important person in my life and I thought I was gonna lose you over a shitty party.” He was too frustrated to look you in the eyes anymore. You felt cold again. “And you’re right. About all of it. I made you go and I ditched you and then I blamed you for – fuck, and then I didn’t have the balls to do anything for two months–”

“Three months.” You interjected, your lips a thin line, the ice he walked on.

“Three…three months? Jesus, I didn’t…” Leon ran a trembling palm through his hair, wrestling his own relationship with time. “Has it really been that long?”

You nodded.

“...I’ve been a mess. I…my grades are tanking, man, and I can’t even eat.”

Against your will, you deflated with a sad sigh. He did seem skinnier. His face sunken in. His body looked frail under his sweatshirt. You wondered if any of his other friends had noticed.

“You shouldn’t forgive me. I’m not really like, expecting you to. But I…I’m…” The word dangled off his tongue, the teetering step into territory unknown. “I’m sorry.”

For the past three months, you dreamed of this moment. Twisted visions of him crawling back to you on his hands and knees, begging for mercy when he deserved nothing of the sort. Over and over again, you extracted pleasure from the possibility of denying him, turning your back and thriving in spite of him.

You were sure the words would feel great. Amazing, even. But hearing them in person, hearing the shriveled warble of a man reduced to his own imitation, you felt nothing.

The silence stretched for miles. Both of you were too hurt to say anything. From the floor, his headphones faded into quiet before transitioning into another song, lyrics incomprehensible from where you stood, mirroring the noise of your own thoughts.

He broke the emptiness with a cough, and scratched his neck.

“...damn, well, I should…I’ll let you enjoy your Friday, I guess. I’m sorry. I really am, I–”

“You said you weren’t leaving.” The words came out without thinking. Leon blinked.

“...what? I–”

“You said. You weren’t leaving. Not this time. Are you really going to break another promise, Leon?” You’re not stupid. You understood your challenge was nothing more than a thinly-veiled plea to get him to stay. You couldn’t bring yourself to care. Your dignity died with the autumn leaves.

“...oh, I was…I didn’t think you’d – yeah. Okay. Yeah, I’m not leaving. Not going anywhere. Swear on it.” Leon puffed his chest a little, the hopeful beginnings of a smile creasing his cheeks. A real smile.

You shuffled closer, breathing in, filling your lungs with mercy.

“Did you really mean what you said, Leon?” It was spoken so softly, and he leaned closer to hear, just as you hoped he would.

He smelled like cedar.

“...what I said?” There’s confusion in his stare, yet he tilted his head, an eagerness to understand.

“When you said you…when you said you didn’t need me. That I was–” Whatever else you were going to say didn’t matter. In an instant, you’re strangled with warmth. Arms latched tight around your chest, your face smashed into the flesh above his heart.

“I need you.” It’s said so easily. And you knew he didn’t need to think twice. “I needed you every day and I will need you every day after today and…every year and…just, so much, man.” Ruefully, you couldn’t help but laugh. Such an indelicate way of speaking. So thoroughly Leon.

Your arms wrapped around his stomach, squeezing with a reluctant pressure. You still couldn’t believe he was real. But here he was.

“Okay. That’s all I needed to hear.” You went slack in his hold, forgoing oxygen in favor of him. He filled your mind and soul, and you never knew you could miss the scent of Irish Spring so much.

“...okay. Is…Is that it? I mean, not that I– shit, are we good? We chill?” He pried you off, cupping your cheeks with burning palms, searching your eyes for safety. Reassurance.

You wanted to give him that. But pretty words and a warm hug were only enough to quiet your demons. They did nothing to heal.

“No, we’re still not friends.” You said finally, staring away, unable to face his reaction.

“Wait, seriously? What…but I–”

“I don’t forgive you, Leon. Not…not yet.” Cautiously, you gripped his wrists, lowering his hands back to his sides. “I missed you. A lot. But it took you three months to tell me all of this. Three. Months.”

“Yeah, but…you’re actually just…gonna leave me forever? For three months?” It’s not anger in his voice, simply the aching desperation of a heart longing for closure. An answer to every question he had.

“Listen, I…we can be friends again, maybe soon, maybe later. I still wanna see you and hang out and stuff, but…it’s gonna take time, okay?” His shoulders sagged. “You have a lot of things you need to work on, and I can’t be the one to fix them. It has to be you, Leon. It has to be different.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him clench his fists. A vein pulsed on his neck, and you braced yourself for the backlash. The brewing storm he hid behind when he was afraid.

But whatever happened the past three months has drained the fight from his body, and he went soft again, his posture slouching.

“I’ll get better. I will. But…can I ask you something? Can I ask you to promise me one thing? Just one?”

You stared at him again. His ocean stirred, but you stayed afloat.

“Sure, Leon.” you whispered.

“...wait for me. Promise me you’ll still be here when I come back. When I’m…when I’m fixed.” He was so close, you could study each twitch and crinkle of his face. All the voiceless ways he loved you. “Will you let me come back to you?”

It wasn’t even a question.

“I promise, Leon.”

And you loved him, too.

[faintvibes]

🤜🤛

It's almost like some people rarely consider a view of the world other than their own, and get awfully defensive when that view is challenged 🤨😔

As a fellow kiwi who has a special interest in our dear birds:

👁️👁️

(I am gazing politely)

(also HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK -> regarding the discourse)

SPECIAL INTEREST FISTBUMP!!!!! ITS FAT FUCK FRIDAY EVERYDAY WHEN YOU LIVE IN AOTEAROA WOOHOOO ^_^

and YEAH ! some people!!!!!! huh!

[ivymarquis]

A Little Death

Pairing| Ghost x F!Reader Rating| M Word Count| 7k Kinks/Content/Warnings| The author has decided she can't be assed to edit this, Chubby!Reader, Kidnapping, nondescript mentions of torture. Ambiguous mentions of S/A (vague enough you can chose to ignore that part if you want tbh), Reader is traumatized from her ordeal but working through it. Fingering, PiV, riding, squirting, Simon has a moment where he's worried he triggered reader after sex but that is an incorrect assumption on his part.

On days like this Simon can almost pretend he’s normal. 

The game’s on, a beer in one hand while the other has been commandeered by his girlfriend with a simple “Gimmie.”

Simon has never been one to worry about his nails beyond clipping them for practicality’s sake.

Having a SAS lieutenant for a boyfriend means she deals with what she insists is Simon’s paranoia and he insists is a healthy level of suspicion about the outside world. Having a nail technician for a girlfriend means every so often she’ll commandeer his hands to ensure they’re up to her standards. As it turned out, adhering to regulations wasn’t up to par for her. 

His neighbor is a popular woman.

It sets him on edge, all the traffic. One or two people at a time, usually other women- sometimes with a man in tow, other times not. They show up, they stay for maybe an hour or maybe 4, and they leave. Within 30 minutes someone else is knocking on her door.

Normal men humor their partners about things they don’t particularly give a fuck about when left to their own devices, as an acknowledgment of its importance to them. 

And so he sits, beer in one hand as she works on the other. Once she’s finished she gathers up the towel that acts as a catch for the various clips and trimmings before making her move to switch sides, Simon easily acquiescing to her whim.

“I’m not keeping you up, am I?” She asks one night. Music plays lowly from a laptop on her patio as he steps onto his for a smoke break. Just because he’s got his vice doesn’t mean he wants the whole flat smelling like it.

“Don’t sleep much anyway, pet. Bit of music won’t change that one way or another.”

Despite his insistence that he’s merely humoring her, he soaks up the attention she readily gives him. When she’s done and tidied after herself she returns with a small bottle of lotion.

He’s got one arm wrapped around her shoulders, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of her head as she massages his hand. If he plays his cards right tonight he can probably get her to soothe some of the aches and stiff muscles that always plague him. For now he melts as she seems to know exactly what points to hit in his palm and forearm. 

It’s domestic and normal and Simon can almost ignore the burner phone he keeps on him at all times.

It goes off at 5am on a Sunday, Simon already awake and having been watching the ceiling fan since 4:30. He can’t fall back asleep but can’t bring himself to separate from her. 

She burrows further into his chest as his shifting disrupts her. He’s fairly certain she would crawl inside his ribcage if she could, curl up right next to his heart and never leave. 

Simon would gladly let her. 

She’s a nail technician, he comes to learn. Sure as shit, he eventually memorizes the traffic that comes and goes on a roughly two week interval. Some of them are steadfast in their appointments. 2 o clock every other Thursday. 4 o clock every other Friday. Others not so much- they come around frequently but the days and times are random after the 14 day mark. 

The familiarity of some of the faces takes him slightly less on edge. He will never relax, not truly, but it settles him down now that he knows the pattern. 

It also explains why her hands have two completely different designs on each one. Color, pattern, the shape of the nails. Her left and right hand look like they belong to two different people. 

Simon doesn’t use social media, for obvious reasons. His little neighbor has formed an entire career for herself based off of it. 

But the phone buzzes on the nightstand, an omniscient presence that always hovers heavy in the air.

“Price?” Is all he gives for a greeting. Trying to keep his words short and concise. He doesn’t want to wake her, still under the lull she draws him into without trying. 

He keeps his work and his personal life separate with no intention of ever melding the two. 

“Laswell’s got intel. We meet in 2 days, back on base at 06:00.”

He is about to respond, both an acknowledgment and a hopeful end to the conversation, when she stretches next to him with a groan of protest at being awoken so early. 

“Tell your other girlfriend I said hi,” she grumbles, already knowing it’s Price on the phone and that the clock is officially counting down on the time they have left together. 

“You know at a certain point I'm going to just decide you’ve got a whole secret life with a wife and kids and a picket fence.”

He doesn’t want his work to ever follow him home. Not to her. He keeps them strictly separate. She knows he’s military- specifically SAS- and that he works in counter terrorism and that’s about all he’s willing to tell. She doesn’t need to know details. And more importantly the details don’t ever need to know about her. 

His past missions have haunted him in the worst way possible. He’s finally rebuilt something for himself as the ghost of a dead man, and doesn’t want anything to ever tarnish what he’s found. 

He can’t entirely blame her. It takes a leap of faith to accept the little he offers her. What does he have? A dead man’s name and most likely a violent end waiting for him. 

Eventually he does offer a small peace offering. Price is enough to settle the concerns that she hides as jokes. Provides enough credibility that she can let go of the concern that he’s living a double life.

Well, he is. But not the kind that nags at her. 

Price knows her; Gaz and Soap know that he’s got someone waiting for him at home, but Simon is already at his limit of how much intermingling he can handle. They’re both compromising, both making allowances for their comfort levels for the sake of the other. But he has to draw the line somewhere. 

If Simon had his way Gaz and Soap would be none the wiser, but a night of frantic coupling before he’d left had Simon bearing marks that are incredibly obvious in the changing room. 

“Steamin’ Jesus L.T.! You get jumped by a wildcat?” The chortle from the Scot makes it obvious that Johnny is yet again not afraid to push Simon’s buttons. 

There’s no denying what they are, nor how he got them. Neither Soap nor Gaz are stupid. 

Long, red scratch marks criss cross the broad expanse of his scarred back. He certainly hadn’t complained when his lovely girl had left her mark on him- those nails dragging across his skin had only encouraged him as his hips clapped wetly against hers, hands gripping her knees as he pressed them to her shoulders.

Most nights he is soft and gentle and strokes her skin while his lips press either in her hair or the soft expanse of her neck. He doesn’t roughhouse her tonight, but the knowledge he’ll be gone for weeks and tonight is their last together for the foreseeable future?

Well, the pair of them are a bit amped about the impending separation. It’s a good thing neither of them are particularly known for their good sleeping habits, because there’s not a lot of that usually happening on the nights before Simon leaves. 

Leaving without waking her up is an impossible task but he tries anyway.

Whereas Simon finds sleep difficult to achieve and eventually sleeps like the dead once he finds it, she drifts readily enough but will wake at the drop of a hat.

Usually she’ll settle soon after. Eyes following his form in the dark, waiting expectantly for him to come back after he dresses to kiss her goodbye. 

They carve out a routine for themselves. One for when Simon is home, and one for when he’s preparing to walk out the door until eventually coming back through it.

His therapist is equal parts shocked and pleased to hear that Simon is taking the leap and opening himself up emotionally to someone. 

His therapist is less pleased about the way he simply buries himself in her life when he’s on leave.

Simon is nothing- has nothing- when he is not acting in the line of duty. He is a dead man with nothing to his name and no one who gives a fuck if he ever walks back through the door that isn’t tied to his military career. 

He thrives on the stability and schedule on base. On the simplicity of nights spent out on the field. Wake up, piss, dont die, go to sleep. Wake up, repeat. 

Some days the only thing keeping him from trying to end it all (again, he bitterly acknowledges) when he’s gotten too far into a bottle of bourbon is his therapist and the thought of his team’s face at the news. 

Until, at least, he meets her. 

The mission is brief but successful. Simon is pleased. 

The deepest of the scratch marks has just finished healing and he’s already missing the sensation of her nails dragging against his skin- and he’s not picky about the context, either. 

There have been plenty of nights he’s fallen asleep with his face buried in her chest with one of her hands scratching gently at his scalp and the other tracing in broad strokes across his back.

Of course those nails also feel divine scratching at his abdomen while she is on her knees for him.

There’s a process he goes through when he gets home. It lets him shed the mantle of Ghost- to calm down as much as he’s able and be better equipped to deal with civilian life. Helps him give her the illusion that she is with a normal man who’s not holding onto himself with a death grip, desperately trying to keep the pieces together.

He feels fine when he leaves base and heads home. Everything is normal. 

Until he turns the corner and sees the door ajar.

Fear runs ice cold in his veins, hackles raised and on guard. 

I’m just being paranoid, he tries to self soothe as he steps towards the door. She tells me all the time.

Course, it was one thing when he gripes about how she answers the door without looking to see who it is. She doesn’t leave the fucking door open.

“Wish you’d at least look at the peep hole before just opening the bloody door,” he grouses into her hair, pulling her in so she’s tucked up to his side. 

“If I’m expecting someone to come at 3 and there’s a knock at 3, I already know who it is, Si.”

There are times when he is grateful that she has, by comparison, lived a life where she thinks he is paranoid and needlessly worries. She hasn’t had the experiences he has, and he doesn’t wish that upon her. He’s grateful with the knowledge that every time he’s sent out, thus far, that she’s been tucked away safe and sound until he returns. 

But of course the other shoe was always going to drop eventually. 

“Price?” Simon doesn’t know who else to call. 

He’s standing in the middle of his flat, evidence of an altercation scattered around the living room. 

She put up a fight if the state of the flat is anything to go by. He wants to be proud of that at least, use it as hope-

He just feels hollow. 

A group the 141 has dealt with prior are the ones all the signs point to. They wanted the team’s attention and by God they fucking got it. 

Simon doesn’t understand how they found she has any ties to him. He’s so careful- keeps her tucked away and hidden from any potential cross over with his work.

The next few days are a blur and Simon’s mental health has seen better days. 

He resigns himself, even when Laswell gets a hit and the 141 are loaded into a helo, to the fact that at best this will be a body retrieval mission. 

Even as Soap gives a reassuring knock into his shoulder- we’ll get her back, LT- as confident as ever. 

His sweet girl is dead, just like every other person Simon has ever cared about. 

He doesn’t understand what he’s done to deserve losing them all. The only ones he has left are his team, and that’s a tenuous state at best. His family was good. They were normal people with normal lives. She is good and a normal person. 

Her only sin is being foolish enough to love him. 

Some time between getting on the bird and offloading, Simon forces the thoughts in a corner and blocks them off. 

Simon, the terrified boyfriend, gives way to Ghost so he can get through this in one piece. He just wants to find her, bring her home and bury her body. He’s numb to anything beyond the scope of the plan he’s formed in his mind. 

It’s laughably easy. A fringe group the 141 has had altercations with- she’s not exactly a high profile prisoner. They just wanted to fuck with Simon.

There’s no satisfaction or vindication as they clear the building floor by floor. 

He feels nothing.

The further they venture into the building with no sign of her, the pit in his stomach sinks just as far. There’s no sign of anything concrete or anywhere they’d keep a prisoner. 

And then there, in a corner of a hallway, Ghost spots it-

An acrylic nail lying broken on the ground, dried blood clotted on the tips. 

For the first time in days, Simon feels something. 

It’s not hope. He doesn’t dare hope. 

But it’s confirmation that she has, at some point, been in the building. 

It’s also confirmation that she gave it a fighting chance. 

She’s a civilian- nothing much she can do against professional criminals. But she tried and Simon has to find something in that.

They split into pairs down a hallway clearing rooms. Every door that opens only to not have her in it is like a knife that keeps twisting in his abdomen. 

Just let him have this one thing. 

It’s just as Ghost and Soap have called out clear on another room that he hears Price’s voice call to him down the hall. 

There’s only one reason Price would be calling for him specifically.

As he approaches he can hear the captain again, softer this time. Can’t make out what he’s saying but everything feels slow; like he’s moving under water. 

As his mind prepares him for every horrific potential image waiting for him beyond the threshold of the door- there’s nothing that prepares him for what he sees. 

She’s alive. 

Wide eyed and panicked, which is to be expected all things considered, but she’s here and she’s breathing.

Simon forgets himself entirely. He swings wildly from feeling nothing to feeling everything and it bubbles up all at once as he barrels towards her. 

He forgets that while she knows Simon is SAS she knows nothing of Ghost. Simon works in counter terrorism, yes, but she knows nothing about the mask.

So after being kidnapped and going through God-knows-what in her absence, she’s got no fucking clue the 6’4 fucker with the skull mask gunning for her is her boyfriend. 

The sharp, croaked “Stay the fuck away from me!” doesn’t cut but it does jog his memory enough to know she’s absolutely terrified.

Again there’s that part of him that is proud of her. After everything she’s been through even if she wouldn’t stand a chance in an actual altercation- She’s not huddled in the corner. She looks willing to fight him, until Simon rips the mask off his face. “It’s me, love! It’s me.”

“Simon? What the fuck is that?!”

Rather than scrambling to get away she turns to launch herself at him, a tangle of limbs as they cling to each other and reassure themselves that yes this is real and yes the other is there. That this fucking nightmare is over.

Simon buries his nose in her hair- was so certain he’d be bringing her home in a body bag he almost doesn’t know what to do with himself. She’s shaking in his grip, sobs ripping through her as he shushes her gently and murmurs “It’s alright, love. I’ve got you now.”

“As much as I love a good reunion- we need to get going, Ghost.” Price is ever the voice of reason, because Simon’s head is not in the game right now. 

He wants to cling to her and never let her go- he needs to pull his head out of his ass. 

Price isn’t wrong. As much as he has to fight off the impulse to tuck her against his side and keep her there, they have shit to do. 

He won’t truly be able to relax until she’s safely stowed on the helo and they’re on their way back.

It’s a bit easier once he puts the mask on. His brain is trained to focus on work and not let his personal life muddy the waters. Where Simon can’t help but falter, Ghost is dauntless. 

Simon can barely string a thought together now that he has her back in his arms. Simon still cannot believe she’s alive and breathing even after touching, smelling and hearing her. 

But Ghost can focus on getting her to the helo. 

Everything is a blur as Price and Gaz lead with Soap bringing up the rear. 

Ghost can’t quite decide where he wants her- keeps alternating between keeping her behind him in the event they get blindsided, that he’ll take any hits that go past Price or Gaz, or getting her in front of him so he can keep an eye on her, and there’s two SAS soldiers in front of her and two behind.

The hostiles in the building wanted the 141’s attention. Mission fucking accomplished.

The ones they chance across are dropped with ease. Simon is no stranger to returning to a location and making his point. Right now he’s got bigger concerns to be worried about. 

A knot of anxiety lodges itself on his ribcage as they move through the building that doesn’t unwind until he’s got her strapped to her seat in the helo. 

For the first time in days he can breathe. The knot slowly untangles as they ascend.

It finally settles in for both of them that she is out and she is safe. She’s been quiet the whole trek to the helo but Price, Soap, and Gaz have been on enough hostage recovery missions to not be caught off guard as she bursts into tears and buries her face in Ghost’s vest. 

It’s finally safe for her to do so, the adrenaline wearing off as she sobs. 

For the most part the other three men try to avert their eyes and not intrude.

Simon’s always been reserved about his life off base and watching him soothe his partner is bordering too personal for the others to witness.

It comes and goes in waves; Simon will settle her down, crooning quietly in her ear too low for the others to hear. She’ll stifle her tears for a bit as he soothes her. They go straight to medical after landing to have her looked at. She starts up again while waiting for the nurse to come back, trying to apologize to Simon through choked sobs. 

He won’t hear it, softly but firmly brushing her apologies to the side and assuring her everything’s fine now, love. No need to apologize.

He feels physically ill when the nurse delicately asks if she needs a rape kit or screenings done.

The rest of the 141 gives them a wide berth- which is a marked accomplishment because all too often Soap and Gaz are trailing behind him and finding some sort of shenanigans to get up to. Simon is perfectly content with the arrangement. He wants to focus his attention on her and that’s easier to do without the sergeants under foot.

His room on base is much like his entire apartment was before she moved in.

It’s 3am, Simon needs to take a piss and as he’s doing so, he’s not-quite eye level with a sign that says

“★★★★★ -

Would poop here again”

He’s got no idea when or where she found that, let alone put it up, but rolls his eyes good naturedly as he tucks himself away.

Normal people have bathroom decor.

Simon can appreciate a bit or a joke as much as the next person- but while this space is his it’s not something he’s ever felt the need to decorate. It’s a bed for him to crash on in between missions or if he’s too bloody exhausted to safely make the trek home.

There’s only one piece of any sort of personal touch to the room- a framed photo of her.

Simon intends to see her through the next few days- they’ll head home in the morning and realistically there’s only so long John can hold off on calling the boys in again. But the captain says he’ll do what he can to keep Simon home while they settle back in. He’s been due for some leave anyway.

He doesn’t sleep the first night. She swings drastically between being knocked out and jolting awake screaming and crying. Even once she’s gotten over the initial shock of her rescue it still takes time for her nervous system to calm down.

“I’ve got you, love- you’re safe here” he murmurs into her ear as she trembles like a leaf. “We’ll be home soon, yeah? You’ll feel better once you’re in our bed.”

The question is twofold- it is to soothe her, and also to gauge her reaction to the prospect of going home. Simon won’t hesitate to set the flat ablaze if it makes her feel better. 

Start fresh.

For now she seems to sleep better if he’s got her pinned up against the wall- the bulk of him a physical barrier to anything that might enter the room.

He’s always slept between her and the door so that’s no hardship- it just takes time to realize she feels safer trapped between him and the wall.

They make it through the first night in one piece, although the next morning she will not stop chewing on her nails. With someone else, he wouldn’t necessarily be surprised- but she’s never been a nail biter.

It dawns on him, as she sits on the couch and bursts into tears, that she wants the nails (or at least the ones that survived the ordeal) off, and is winding herself up too much to take them off the way she knows she should.

Simon goes to her office; he’s watched her enough that he knows the steps and the materials she’ll need, gathering them up before coaxing her to the table.

There’s no interest in redoing them but Simon manages to get the current sets off of her so she doesn’t damage her nail beds- assuming she stops chewing on them (which she does).

Over the next few days he lets her set the pace. She’s jumpy at home and calmer when he takes her out to run errands or just to stretch their legs. 

Maybe he will propose moving sooner rather than later. Their building is a shithole anyway.

He puts her in therapy after a week. It’s the only time he’s away from her. Realistically he knows it’s not good to have her so used to always being within arms length or eyesight of him- it’s not sustainable when eventually he will be called back in. But he has no qualms for the coddling he subjects her to while he’s able to. She’s quiet and comfortable with his hovering in a way she’d never tolerate before she was abducted- he figures he’ll know when she’s feeling a bit like herself again when she starts complaining about him not giving her any space.

Knowing she’s got the therapist gives him some security on how she’ll mentally cope when eventually he needs to leave again.

Her bursting into tears occurs less frequently. If Simon has to pry himself away from her to take a piss in the middle of the night she’s not up, back ramrod straight and waiting for him to come back with wet, teary eyes.

As the days tick on, bleeding into months later, Simon idly acknowledges that-short of when he’s on deployment- this is the longest they’ve gone without having sex. There’s nothing else that goes with that acknowledgement- he’s far more concerned with her well being than he is getting his kicks. He’s just taking stock of all their ‘normals’ and prior to her abduction they’d had quite the active sex life.

It’s one day as they’re watching a movie that it’s apparent Simon isn’t the only one aware of their dry spell.

They’re laying on the couch, her back pressed against his front with one of his heavy arms draped across her rib cage to keep her snuggled up against him as they watch the screen in front.

At first he thinks that she’s repositioning- thinks nothing of it and lifts his arm just enough to allow her the freedom to wiggle to a more comfortable spot. She keeps wiggling though and Simon is trying to keep his mind off the sensation of her arse grinding into his groin. Trying to ignore the way his dick twitches in interest, because- God help him- he's not dead and the love of his life is grinding her arse on him. Bodies are going to do what bodies do, and he can feel himself stiffening in response.

“Sweetheart, you need to sit still,” he whispers the plea into her ear. 

Her head tilts back towards him and lust jolts through his body at the look in her eyes while she still continues to grind against him.

“I miss you, Simon,” and given how he is rarely further than grabbing distance from her, there’s very few other ways to interpret what exactly it is that she is missing.

He’s a goner when she gives him that wide, doe eyed expression paired with the prettiest “Please?” he’s ever heard in his life.

One moment they’re quiet and content laying on their sides on the couch- the next Simon’s gripping her arm and pulling her on top of him as he settles onto his back. She follows his lead and moves so her weight is settled on his hips as his hands grip hers.

It is no hardship on his end to wait for her- the patience never truly even registered in his brain. She can have as much time as she needs and Simon will give it to her gladly.

But his pretty girl batting her eyes at him and pleading softly for him? His patience isn’t the only thing he’s willing to give her.

“Are you sure?” He doesn’t mean to second guess her or make her question herself but he does want to make sure that she’s not acting on obligation.

“Yes, Simon- Please,” and who is he to deny her?

His hands are on her immediately- pulling her towards him and encouraging her to grind, knowing her sweet clit will light up at the friction of her soft panties dragging across the rough material of his jeans.

His lips find hers, separating only briefly as he hauls her dress up and over her head, happily discarding the material in a heap on the floor.

His hands grip her hips, Simon relaxing into the couch while his fingers dug into the pillow soft skin perching above him. He’s straining against the fabric of his jeans- knows the tip of his erection is leaking clear pre and it’s not just going to be her being the reason the fabric has a wet spot.

The couch is certainly not the worst place to be, his beautiful girlfriend’s tits in his face as she grinds down in his lap with little hitching breaths.

“Just like that, pretty,” he encourages, kissing down her jawbone, the length of her neck and across her collar bone before happily mouthing at her breasts which are blessedly right in his face.

Simon groans in pleasure as he teases one nipple, her sweet mewls and the grip on his hair only spurring him on.

Grabbing a handful of her plush arse, he groans in anticipation while switching from one breast to the other.

It’s been a fair while since his back has been shredded by her nails and he can’t wait to feel the bite of them dragging down the length of his spine.

“Lift up, sweetheart,” he instructs, somewhat loath to release her plump bottom but eager to get her dripping for him.

She pulls up enough for him to slip one hand between her legs. Exploring fingers are quick to spread her wetness, dipping between her folds and dragging back up to circle her clit softly.

“Fuck- Simon!” she whines in his ear.

He knows enough by now what makes her tick. Once she’s all warmed up and ready to roll, that sweet cunt of hers could take a thrashing. But warming up involves feather-light touches to get her squirming and squealing for him.

“Feels good, pretty?” he asks despite knowing the answer in the way her arms wrap around his neck and she sags against him, hips twitching as she lets him tease her.

“Ye-yeah,” she murmurs, and presses her lips against his neck as he takes another pass- finger pulling away from her clit just to draw shivers from her as he traces back down her folds and presses ever so lightly against the entrance on her- just to the first knuckle- and making his way back to tease her clit.

Each pass has her rocking her hips more as he slips more of his finger inside, eventually adding a second that has her mewling and squirming in his lap.

He’s going to have one hell of a hickey from how she’s sucking on his neck, but Simon can’t bring himself to care. Not when his ears are graced with the delightful little noises she makes- whimpers of protest as he pulls his fingers out of her, the shaky inhales as he circles her clit and the trembling moan when he once again slides his fingers inside of her to give a few pointed strokes to her g-spot just to get her shivering and blinking up at him with lust-blown eyes.

“Fuck you’re wet,” there’s absolutely zero resistance now, even when he slides a third finger inside her. 

“Please,” she mewls into his skin, hips rocking in time with the thrust of his fingers into her.

“What do you want, sweetheart? Use your words.” He’s always found her an absolute delight to tease- she gets so flustered and stares at him with that doe eyed, betrayed look- how dare he make her ask for anything when it’s obvious what she wants.

“Please let me cum,” she pants as her eyes screw up in pleasure while his fingers trace and circle her clit for several passes.

“You wanna cum, love?” His tone is just a bit too soft to be a mocking tease despite the way she glares at him. Spoiled little thing so easily sliding back into her old habits.

“I’m going to bite you,” she grumbles in bemused annoyance, brows furrowing as she tries to follow his hand while teasing her.

He doesn’t doubt his little viper for a second, mollifying her displeasure with three fingers digging for that spot that makes her see stars.

“Oh~,” she mewls against him as he stokes the fires of her orgasm with a vengeance. He doesn’t stop, angling his hand so his thumb can stroke against her clit and enjoying the way she trembles against him like a leaf caught in a windstorm.

“That the spot, hm? Right there, innit?” He rumbles low in her ear, a satisfied smirk on his face as she nods in a big sweeping motion against his neck. “Come on, pretty. You wanna cum so badly? Do it.” he baits.

Mission accomplished.

Fuck he’ll remember the vision of her crying and cumming and trembling in his hold, soaking his forearm and abdomen as she squirts, for the rest of his days. His free hand runs soothingly down her back for a few passes before pulling both hands away from her.

She’s immediately whining against him, upset at having his touch taken away. “Simon, please-”

He shushes her with a kiss to her temple, “I know what you need, sweetheart,” he murmurs while deftly undoing his pants and freeing his cock.

It only takes a few strokes, already straining and ready to perform, before they’re shuffling as he pulls and maneuvers her so she’s hovering above him and Oh fuck has Simon missed this as she sinks down on him.

It always takes a couple attempts- he’s not a small man, and doesn’t want to risk injury. Not to mention there’s just something fucking delicious about only giving her a few inches, pulling back and feeding her just a few more. Slow, short, steady thrusts that get deeper bit by bit, having Simon ready to melt into the couch at the bliss of being buried in her by the time she sinks all of her weight onto him, her groin pressing against his.

She’s so fucking warm and wet, clinging to him as she shuffles to get good leverage on top of him to bounce.

Bloody fucking hell does she feel good. “That’s it, pretty. Take it all,” he encourages her while she whimpers above him- if he angles himself just right he can grind her clit against him in a way that has her sucking down air and shivering.

She’s so good for him but he knows there’s only so long she can bounce in his lap- even resting on one knee on the couch and her other foot on the floor so she can shift her weight and give leg a break every now and then, Simon throwing his head back and groaning loudly.

It’s one of the only times he’s particularly verbose- Usually content to be silent and broody unless he has a specific question in mind, the bedroom (or in this case the living room) is the one place where he is a chatterbox. The mouth on him is surreal at times, and while one would think his sweet girl would be use to the filth every now and then he’ll catch her off guard with some particularly out of pocket comment.

For now though, he’s a bit reserved- doesn’t want to go from zero to a hundred out of nowhere.

No, for now his attention is focused on the goddess bouncing on his cock, wondering if he can get her to squirt a second time if he just- he shifts underneath her, changing the angle and fucking hell does that seem to do the trick for her. Swiping one of his thumbs across his tongue before pressing it to her clit and circling again, Simon can’t help the smug look on his face when she squeals. “Just like that, sweetheart. Fuck,” he grunts as he thrusts up into her. From how those pretty thighs are trembling, her legs are about to give out as he fucks into her. 

“Simon!” She’s yelping his name with glassy eyes and a clenching cunt “Fuck- Simon! Please-”

She doesn’t have the energy to get herself back up again- poor thing, her thighs must be burning, and he can’t help but be a cocky fuck about the fact that she loves riding his dick to the point that she physically can’t keep going.

“On your back, sweetheart,” he instructs with a light swat to her ass- appreciating the way her body jiggles at the impact.

His sweet girl has done so well and worked so hard, it’s only right that he rewards her. Once she’s on her back he grips her under her knees and folds her legs back- gives himself room between those gorgeous thighs.

“Fuck, baby- please don’t stop,” she pants underneath him, back arching in pleasure as his mouth drops to her breasts again. Her arms wrap loosely around his neck, and he twitches in anticipation at the feel of her nails tracing ever so lightly against his back.

“Not gonna stop, pretty girl.” he groans against her skin, alternating between which nipple he has between his teeth.

Fuck she’s clenching down on him like a vice. He knows she’s getting close; squirming in his grip, keeping her legs nice and spread for him. The feel of her nails reaching down his back and dragging up his spine pulls a groan that would be embarrassing if Simon could find it within himself to care in the slightest. The slight pain encourages him as he cants against her.

“Simon!” The sound of his hips knocking into the back of her thighs is loud and messy. Fuck he’s such a goner when she looks up at him with that sweet expression on her face- pure adoration and wonder in her eyes.

“Just like that, sweetheart. Fucking hell, love,” he grunts out, a second wind reinvigorating him when she starts shaking. Those plush thighs shaking in his hold as he knocks the sense out of her pretty head, he’s so fucking close he can taste it but is determined to get her across the finish line first.

“Such a good fucking girl,” he purrs in her ear, “You feel fucking perfect taking my cock. This wet cunt’s all mine, innit?”

All she can do is chant “Yes! Yes! Yes!” over and over again- Simon’s not sure if even she is certain if she’s repeating the word to answer him, or if she’s just babbling because he’s making her feel good and she’s getting close.

“You gonna cum again love? Gonna soak me, hm?” He’s just running his mouth now- knows the shit she likes to hear, reaffirmed by the way she’s shivering in his hold and crying for it with a glassy eyed gaze.

Whatever she is going to respond with is cut off with a squeal. Simon rears back, enjoying the show as she makes a mess all over his cock with her eyes rolled back. He lets go of one of her legs in favor of teasing her clit just shy of overstimulation to prolong her orgasm- she lets him for a time before her hands abandon shredding his back in favor of wrapping around his wrist in a plea for mercy. 

“Simon it’s too much,” she laments with teary eyes as he pulls his hand away with a chuckle and a chaste kiss. 

He stays curled over her, hips driving into hers. “Tell me where you want it,” he instructs.

“Inside! Please, I want it inside!” Her answer is sharp and immediate, the leg not pinned to her chest wrapping around his waist like she is daring him to even try to pull out.

And fuck there is something cathartic about his orgasm when it hits. Burying his face in her soft body while his hips snapped into hers a few times, Simon groans as his vision damn near whites out for a second.

Simon knows better than most that there’s good days and bad days- and a presumed good day can become a bad day quicker than one can blink. But overall he feels like consistently she’s doing better all around. They take their time calming down, Simon showering her in attention and getting a feel for where her head is at. Praising her for how well she did and making sure she feels stable.

He lets out a breath, feeling confident that she’s settled, having a good day, and everything is fine for now. 

And it is. Until about two hours later.

One moment they’re finishing the movie they’d initially started before the impromptu romp on the couch, and then Simon has a 3 second warning of her sniffling as she obviously tries to fight back the tears and then she’s sobbing harder than she has in weeks.

Simon goes from content to concerned in a second, his blood turning to ice in his veins. His immediate assumption is that their prior activities finally caught up with her mentally and now that she’s had time to think it over it wasn’t good. It was too fucking soon to have sex. He should have told her no, should have been gentler, should have-

“Sweetheart? Talk to me,” his voice is tinged with a thinly controlled concern (not panic he convinces himself) and while he means to comfort her, she can hear his tone and that just sets her off anew.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she blubbers, turning to face him. “I don’t know why I’m crying!”

That settles Simon’s nerves somewhat, stroking her back and pulling her close to comfort her. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” he soothes her, listening to her sniffle against his shirt after shoving her into the crook of his neck.

“I just want to feel normal again,” she sobs into his collar.

“You will, love,” he assures her- never mind that ‘normal’ is something that even he struggles with on a near daily basis. “It’ll take time but you’ll get there. I promise.”

He’s a bastard for making a promise to her that he can’t guarantee to keep. There’s a part of him that knows that- hell, he’s been working on his shit for years and he still doesn’t feel normal most days.

But while he can’t promise that she’ll ever get back to feeling exactly the same as she did before all of this happened, he can promise that he’ll be by her side and ensure she’s adjusting. It will take time, and work, but Simon will make sure she gets there one step at a time.

[emeritusemeritus]

hii! i love your work soo much, you are so talented. both weasley twins x reader, so like both the weasley twins getting jealous because reader has been spending so much time with her male best friend and one night she gets home late and they are mad. (smut and a bit of fluff at the end). so sorry if this is bad this is my first request

Hi my love! Thank you so much, not bad at all! I hope this is what you wanted (I need a very cold shower now) 🖤

Warnings: SMUT, graphic smut; threesomes, PIV, fingering, slightly cumplay, fingering, possessiveness, Dom!sub roles, dominant twins, jealousy, a bit of angst, beginnings of an argument. Swearing. Fluff and smut. Getting fucked in the kitchen. Sorry Dean, I’m sure you’re lovely.

Word count: 3k

Sense of belonging.

Summertime was upon you and as the days got longer and brighter, the temperature increasing, it brought along an endless stream of possibilities and fun.

The twins had been really busy lately, trying to stock up ahead of the impending return to Hogwarts for the students, the few weeks before term time being one of the busiest peaks of the year for them except for Christmas, April fools day and bonfire night. You really shouldn't complain, they were successful, bringing in a lot of money and still took great pleasure in their work. They were inventing all the time, wanting a new product to launch before school resumed and though you were happy for them, you felt like your hadn't truly seen them in weeks.

The days went by in a blur of waking up alone in bed, making yourself a cup of tea and some breakfast, showering alone and then trying to fill your days with work and meeting friends. Occasionally you'd help at the shop when they needed cover but you tended to stick behind the scenes working on the accounts and ordering, with the occasional potion brewing for the big restocks. Every night you'd cook dinner and set aside two plates, eating alone with the company of trashy muggle tv before you cleaned up the kitchen, put the two wrapped plates in the fridge and eventually drifted to bed. If it wasn't for occasionally needing the bathroom in the middle of the night and seeing your two husbands asleep either side of you, you could easily have believed that they never came back to the flat.

You'd tried to surprise them and take them lunch to try and steal some time together in the office but they were always too busy, too close to nailing their project so you stopped bothering. You tried waiting up late at night for them to show but they'd simply given you sleepy smiles and had fallen asleep on the sofa not twenty minutes later when you tried that. And sex? You could hardly remember what that felt like.

To say you were feeling a little neglected was an understatement. So when you ran into Dean Thomas in the Flourish and Botts Friday morning, you didn't hesitate to agree to a proper catch-up with him Saturday evening at the Leaky Cauldron. He'd extended the invitation to your husbands as well and you'd politely thanked him, telling him you'd ask them but in reality you knew there was a slim chance of that actually happening.

You hadn't seen either of your husbands that day from the moment you woke up til the moment you stepped out of the door, slightly dressed up and ready to meet Dean. You'd tried to catch them last night and then again around early morning when the shop was supposed to be quieter but they'd barely even acknowledged your presence. So you left them a note, telling them that you were going out and that you'd be home later.

You had a wonderful time; you'd actually run into Neville and Luna and they had joined you for dinner. You fell easily into conversation, just like the old days, with Dean of course asking about Ginny, your husbands and the shop. Neville and Luna were engaged and you were told all about their wedding plans which completely warmed your heart. You were on high as you walked back to the flat, a smile still on your face after catching up with good friends.

The smile disappeared pretty much as soon as you stepped through the flat, took off your jacket and shoes and found Fred and George sat at the kitchen table, your note placed between them. There’s a tension in the air that you can’t place. They don’t look mad, but they definitely don’t look happy either.

“Oh here she is,” George says, his voice dropping with sarcasm.

“Remembered that you have two husbands have you?” Fred says, his voice even harsher than George’s. You fire up with anger, biting your lip as you look between them with a glare, unable to push down your feelings anymore.

“That’s ironic coming from you two,” you mumble, walking over to the sink to get a glass of water.

“Care to elaborate princess?” Fred says blankly from behind you.

You snort, not believing that they’d really be getting into this now, the biggest hypocrites in all of Diagon Alley.

“Did you forget lately that you had a wife?” You ask, turning to them and looking between them. “She’s about yay high,” You say, gesturing to your height, “* colour hair, surname Weasley.” Your voice holds almost no humour to it now, feeling fired up.

“Yeah I’m looking at her,” Fred says with an equally unamused, expressionless glance.

“Doesn’t seem like her though, our wife’s normally a good girl,” George adds. There it is, that’s what the tension is.

A smirk slowly spreads across your face as you realise what the real issue is- they’re jealous.

You shrug dramatically, placing your glass into the sink, knowing just how to get them, “boys prefer bad girls.”

It’s instantaneous, both of them rising to their feet with the implication of your words.

“Is that right little slut?” George says, beginning to move closer. “Men, like us, prefer our good girl.”

“I reckon she’s forgotten who she belongs to mate,” Fred says, casting a glance at his brother, hanging back a little as a devilish twinkle begins to shine in his eyes.

“Yeah I reckon so,” George agrees, looking up and down your body.

“Have you forgotten sweetheart?” Fred asks teasingly, his bottom lip sticking out just a tad to mock you.

“Probably,” you say defiantly, knowing exactly what you were doing.

“Try again,” Fred says darkly, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips as he advances on you, moving in step with his twin as they crowd you, towering over you. Their stares are dark, devilish and hungry have you flushed in seconds as their towering forms loom over you menacingly, both with smirks tugging at their lips as they notice your heaving chest and flushed face.

“Who do you belong to Angel? Hm?” George says, reaching out and pulling up your top over your head, seeing absolutely no resistance from you.

“Fred,” you say breathlessly, having to suck in your cheeks to stop yourself smiling as you watch George’s eyes widen in disbelief.

You gasp as your bra strap pings on your body, Fred’s fingers having purposefully let it go as a mild form of punishment for your act of defiance.

“And?” He pushes. Your eyes never faulted from George’s, allowing a hint of a smile to appear on your face that is a complete contrast to his thunderous glare.

“Bill?” You say innocently and within seconds you are turned around, pressed up against the kitchen counter and spanked, the loud thwack echoing through the kitchen.

Hands begin creeping up your legs and you’ve never been more thankful that you’d chosen a skirt, enjoying the feel of hands creeping up your bare skin under they stop just as they reach the lace of your panties. You feel long fingers begin to touch your pussy through the lace of your underwear and you throw your head back at the sensation, so close to where you need them but not close enough.

“Try again princess,” Fred says in your ear, body pressed against your back so you can feel the bulge of his erection against your bum.

“George, George,” you moan out, just as Fred finds your clit, rubbing it gently through the lace.

“See, told you you were our good girl,” Fred coos, pressing his erection against your bum harder now, giving the most delicious friction.

“Not quite,” George days darkly from the side and after a few seconds, Fred pulls away. Your bra is almost ripped from you leaving your breasts exposed and you’re mercilessly turned around by strong hands so they can see.

When both twins suddenly crouch down in front of you, their mouths instantly fixing upon your breasts, focusing on the pebbled nipples as their tongues dance around the sensitive peaks, you cry out, hands going into their hair to keep them just where you need them.

George’s hand traces up your leg and slips into your underwear, tracing his long fingers through your wet slit as you moan out, his fingers finding your sensitive little nub almost instantly.

“You do you belong to?” George says into the skin of your breast, pulling away to look up at you.

“You, fuck, you, both of you,” you moan out as George’s finger slips inside you at the same time, slowly thrusting as your hips cant trying to get him deeper.

“Good girl.”

“Who’s got you this wet sweetheart?” Fred says, his own fingers joining George’s as he rubs your clit whilst George stretches out out with his fingers, adding a second one slowly.

“You, geor, Fre,” you cry out, not even able to finish their names as they work together, hitting every pleasure point as Fred’s lips wrap around your nipple again and give a harsh suck.

“Not Dean?” George says, not holding back the jealousy.

“No, only you,” you cry out, beginning to feel your climax approaching.

“Not get Angel,” George says, suddenly pulling his hands away, as does Fred, leaving you whining and pouting at their actions.

“Bend over the table,” George instructs and you mindlessly follow his command, cringing as your naked breasts press against the cold wood of the table.

Your skirt is flipped up from behind you, exposing the little strip of lace you’d been wearing underneath until it’s unceremoniously ripped from your body at the side. You gasp, hips lifting up as your pussy is exposed to the air, to their eyes and in no time at all you can feel the head of a cock pressing against your wet lips.

“Tell me darling,” George says from behind you, “who do you belong to?”

“You Georgie!”

Your moan echoes throughout the apartment as the thick head of his cock slips inside you, the slight upward curve of his length making you gasp as it presses directly against your sweet spot inside.

“George!” You cry out as he immediately sets a rough and fast pace, your hands clawing at the table for purchase as your hips repeatedly knock into the side of the table.

“So fucking wet,” George growls from behind you as he fucks into you perfectly. “My fucking good girl, so fucking perfect for us.”

Your orgasm hits you out of nowhere, body already clearly worked up from being so expertly fingered earlier. He curses from behind you as your walls clench, squeezing his perfect cock tightly as you writhe and cry out with the ecstasy coursing through you. He lasts about three more thrusts as your pussy bares down on him and you moan out again as his thrusts get sloppy and sporadic as he cums, crying out your name in a whine.

“My little princess fucked out?” You hear from the side and your eyes widen as you realise that Fred had been watching all this time, waiting to pounce as he stands before you naked. George hadn’t even undressed, he’d simply bent you over, unbuttoned his work pants and fucked into you without any care.

“Think you can take me too sweet girl?” He asks, hand ghosting over your back as his twin slips out of you. You nod eagerly, already feeling empty as George’s cum begins leaking out of you and down the skin of your inner thighs.

Instead of getting behind you as you expected, he takes a seat on one of the wooden chairs beside you, beckoning you to join him as he pumps his cock in his hand. The sight has you near drooling, the sight of his long, big fingers wrapped around his thick cock, the wide shoulders and strong upper body so deliciously on display.

You back up from the table and remove your skirt and ripped panties that were clinging to one of your legs. He let’s go of his cock and it bobs back to hit his lower abdomen as he outstretches his hand to help you climb into him, both of you completely naked now.

You rest your legs on his and grab his wide shoulders for support as he grabs the base of his cock, allowing you to sink down on it. He’s slightly wider than George and you cry out at the feel of being stretched out again, your wetness and what’s left of George’s cum acting as lube to allow him to slip straight inside of you, reaching deeper and deeper until he was snugly pressed against your cervix. Your fingers paw at the flesh of his shoulders as he gives you time to adjust, sucking on your breasts in front of his face as you lift one hand and stroke back the hair from his face. He pulls away and looks up at you seating in his lap and there’s a moment that passes where you stare at each other with a smile, pausing to share a passionate kiss whilst his cock nestled deep inside you, your walls already clenching around his big member.

His hands fall to your bum as you slowly begin to lift yourself up until he was almost completely out of you before you quickly sink back down, his length filling you completely. Your loud moans are completely synchronised at the sensation of him fucking all the way into you and as you quickly begin to find a perfect rhythm, you begin to feel completely cock drunk.

Your hips buck on him as you chase the fire in your belly that’s beginning to ignite; feeling as if his cock was filling you completely. Your thighs burn at the exertion of bouncing on him and the sight alone of his scrunched up, pleasure filled face is enough to make you let out a string of moans that sound almost inhuman. You lean forward to kiss him again and the new angle hits something inside you that propels you right over the edge, crying out his name against his lips as you fall completely over the edge.

Your orgasms has nearly subsided but you can’t move anymore, legs burning and tired, as much as you want to keep riding him. He senses your slowing immediately and quickly grabs you by the ass and in a wicked feat of strength, he lifts you and him, keeping his cock deep inside as he placed you onto the edge of the table. You fall back, resting your head on the wood as he grabs your hips and snaps his own into yours, making your breasts bounce in time with his thrusts. He’s unable to look away, eyes dancing between your bouncing tits and your stretched out pussy, all on display for him. He begins to fuck you harder and harder, your cries getting louder as you grab hold of the edge of the table behind you, tits jiggling wildly as he bruises your hips.

“Gonna, fuck, oh fuck baby,” he whines as he watches your right hand snake down and rub circles around your clit, feeling like you could cum again.

“Let me,” you hear from the side and George’s fingers immediately take the place of yours, toying with your clit in the most deliciously sinful way. Fred cock slams into you as he starts to cum before he slams your hips down against his, cock buried right to the end of you as you feel his perfect length twitch and spurt inside of you, filling you with another load of hot cum. The sensation of being filled along with George’s sinful fingers has you reaching your peak again, calling out their names as you fight against Fred’s strong hold, unable to keep your hips still.

Your breathless and sweating, completely fucked out as you mumble their names over and over again. Fred slips out of you and pants as he throws himself back down onto the chair that would undoubtedly need cleaning in the morning.

“Come here Angel,” George says, grabbing your attention as he extends his hands for you to take, pulling you up. He stops and pulls you in for a sweet kiss that only increases your breathlessness as you pull away with half kisses eyes, tired and blissfully fucked out.

“Want a bath?” He says, much softer than he’d been when you entered. You shake your head with a smile, covering your slightly chilly body.

“Pee and bed,” you say, reaching for his hand but this time to entwine your fingers. He gives you a small, shy smile as he brings your entwined hands to his lips and kisses the back of your hand.

“Did you have a nice time?” He asks as you hop down from the table, cringing at the wetness you can see on the wood, knowing that you probably shouldn’t have fucked where you eat. You look at him questioningly, not wanting to start an argument but he gives you a little smile that tells you everything is okay.

It’s a little later and you’re cuddled up to Fred on the sofa, having been convinced to stay up with them a little while.

“We are sorry princess, never meant to pull away so much, we just needed to get the new products right snd it’s been none stop,” Fred says, stroking your leg as it rests across his lap.

“It’s okay, I understand,” you say, looking away from the terrible muggle tv show you were watching.

“It won’t happen again,” George says and you smile, reaching out to grab hold of his hand in understanding.

“Better not,” you say, the hint of a devious smirk crossing your face. “Or next time I go out to meet Dean I won’t wear any panties.”

“Bed.”

“Now.”

[sturnlova]

Busy ( M.S )

(Matt Sturniolo x Female reader)

( Warning : Smut, F receiving, new to writing, not proof read all the way, pet names, fluff, angst, i don’t know what else 😭 )

Matt : Blue

Y/N : Pink

Chris : Orange

Nick : Purple

( Word count : 900)

——————————————————

Y/N POV:

It had been a whole week, 7 days, 168 hours since Matt has been busy with work and ignoring me. Every time i confronted him Matt would always tell me that everything was well and that he was just tired and wanted to go to sleep. I became so enraged with him that I even questioned Chris and Nick, his own fucking brothers, why he was acting so "busy." All they said was that work has been difficult, Matt will get the entire day off on Friday, which is tomorrow. I had no idea that information even existed.

-

After taking off their shoes and entering the kitchen to meet me, Matt, Nick, and Chris came via the front door. I ignored Matt and waved to Chris and Nick, striking up a conversation with them. I truly couldn't talk to Matt, even though I hated ignoring him.

"Y/N, why are you ignoring me? What's wrong?" exclaimed Matt. I could feel the rage building inside of me; I was on the verge of losing it. “Why do I ignore you? WHY DO YOU DISRESPECT ME? Matt, I haven't spent more than ten minutes with you in the entire week.” Matt attempted to engage, but I interrupted him. “You don't even understand that I've asked your brothers why. I'm sorry, but you don't even realize how much I'm desperate for you. Why do you no longer give a damn? I didn't start dating this person at all. What happened Matt.” i spoke with tears now falling from my eyes. Chris spoke up, "Me and Nick are going to go for a walk, we will be back later.” “ Yeah” as they continued to move toward the front for.

“ Baby “ he knew i loved when he called me baby. “ I never want to see you cry over me. You are aware of my work schedule, but I should do a better job of juggling it with my personal life. Im sorry for being so busy; I really am. I simply got really wrapped up in my own thoughts, and I know it's not an excuse, so I had no idea that it upset you this much. I apologize. Let me make it up to you.”

-

He grabbed me the waist and patted me by the thighs to jump and wrap my legs around his waist. As i did what i was told he walked us to his room closing the door and ensuring he locked it. He laid me on my bed on top of his silk covers, as i laid on my back he slowly took off my deinem shorts and black Lacey thong, he took of my ( his ) hoodie leaving me fully naked.

He pulled me closer to the edge of the bed as he kneeled on floor face to face with my glistening wet pussy waiting to get touched. He kissed my clit, then slowly started licking a strip up and down my pussy. “ Gonna make you feel so good princess, just lay there and look pretty.” the dirty talk could’ve just made cum there on the spot.

Soon as Matt’s tongue touched you an unsteady breath flew from your lips, your eyes squeezed closed due to the amount of pleasure you felt. He licked from your leaking hole to your clit once again,tongue flat to taste as much of you as possible. he repeated his actions multiple times, Matt moaned at the taste of you, he was pussy drunk at this point. “ You enjoying it so far?” i breathed heavy and moaned “ yes i am baby, feels so good” i’m so close to finishing at this point, he always worked magic with his tongue.

My hips were bucking of the bed bringing my lips closer to his. He started using his tongue and fingers adding the insane amount of pleasure i was already feeling. I tugged on my bed sheets and when i did that he took his fingers out of me and used his hands to guide my hands to his hair. I quickly grabbed his hair and gently tugged.

He started going insanely fast which made me lose it, he instructed me to grab my boobs and play with them, who was i to deny it. “ fuck Matt i’m so close, can i cum, please” he nodded his head against me. The knot in my stomach snapped and i finished all of his fingers and face.

Matt slowly pulled his fingers out of me and sucked them clean. “ are you ok? you did so good sweetheart” i nodded my head in response to tired to move or speak. Matt walked to get a hand towel to clean his face and me. Not too long after we had a shower and changed clothes to walk downstairs to end the night with a movie.

-

As we sat on the couch Chris and Matt walked in asking if we were ok i responded back with “ more than ok “ Matt giggled at me words and brought his attention back to the movie.

[the-kr8tor]

Hello! If you haven’t yet I was thinking for fluffy Friday I could leave a suggestion

So Hobie is doing work as reader is watching their favourite slow burn Romcom but readers get all frustrated when the characters that have been pinning over each other for 3 whole seasons still haven’t kiss

You can tweak anything about this btw!

Thank you for requesting, angel! ❤️

Pairing: Hobie Brown x gn! Reader/ Spider-Punk x gn! Reader

Tags: No use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, cw food mentions, some swearing, FLUFF.

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

“Arrghh!” You bite your pillow in frustration. The sound makes Hobie look up from fiddling with his web shooters on the kitchen table.

It's a quiet night in your shared flat, save for the mutterings on the telly and Hobie’s tools clunking and squeaking. The atmosphere is relaxed, added with the smell of popcorn and skittles mixed in, it truly feels like you're in the movies without the company of a large crowd of course. It's just you, Hobie and the couple on your favourite show that's been pining for each other for the past three seasons. Frustration doesn't cut it anymore, you're pissed. You just want them to just kiss and finally start their life together. But alas it just doesn't work like that, the yearning always gets to you, makes your stomach flip from all the tantalizing stares, entertaining banter and lingering touches. You commend the actors’ chemistry but you would like it very much for them to just snog each other, or at least confess.

You sit with your legs crossed over the other, fluffy socks tickling your bare legs. He looks at the back of your shaking head curiously, the telly's blue light casting a halo around you.

Hobie drops what he's doing, mechanical parts clinking on the wooden table. He turns off his lamp, promptly sauntering over to you. Draping himself over the back of the couch, his body folded in half just to look at the angry face you're making.

“Does that pillow taste good, lovey?” He picks up a popcorn, flicking it inside his mouth. Chewing, he tugs at the pillow you're currently munching on. “Why make popcorn when you've got our throw pillow, huh?”

“I'm fucking seething” sure enough, you grit your teeth, letting the poor pillow go.

“Not at me right?”

You scrunch your nose, “No, I'm not mad at you. Why? Is there something you did?” twisting your body, you look behind you, expecting a fire right on the table. It wouldn't be the first time.

You exhale out a relieved breath after finding the kitchen still intact and fire free.

“No? Not that I can think of” Hobie mumbles out.

“What's that?”

“Nothin'. Why are you mad?” He pokes your side.

“Because!” You gesture wildly at the telly. “These bitches are so stupid!”

Hobie laughs loudly, the sound bouncing off the walls. “Woah, language!” He jokes, earning you a soft chuckle. “What did those ‘bitches’ do to make you this angry?”

“They haven't even confessed to each other yet and it's been three fucking seasons of pining and longing! It's driving me nuts!” You wave your hands dramatically.

He looks at you with a half smile and a twinkle in his eyes the entire time you were ranting. Hobie slides his hand to your upper arm, rubbing affectionately to calm the fire in you.

You sigh, bumping your head to his, leaning towards his touch. “Sorry, too much?”

“Nah, I like it when you're passionate. Makes me feel normal about me ranting to you about…well everythin’” His back aches from the prolonged position, he doesn't mind though because he can still reach over to your cheek to press a soft kiss. Now his neck aches.

“Tell me more” He grunts, snaking his entire body down towards the couch, head bumping to your legs. You help with your hands over his shoulder and back, guiding him down for a softer landing.

You tell him about the plot from season one to where you're currently caught up. He listens intently, nodding and eating popcorn along the conversation. Hobie replies back a snarky comment or scoff when you're in a particular plot point that is incredibly ridiculous that no one in the world has probably experienced. Still, you and Hobie end up watching the show’s greatest hits and important bits because he insisted himself, he needed to see it with his own eyes. It's safe to say he ended up being invested in the story and characters.

Hobie ends up curled up with you on the settee, blanket draped over your legs that's wrapped in his long ones. His cold feet make you jump when he decides it's a good time to tease you when a boring part comes on. His arms envelope your entire torso, hands hidden under your shirt, resting on the soft skin of your hip.

You're completely relaxed, head resting on his chest, cheek smooshed, hands tracing his sides, eyes slowly drooping. Fighting a yawn, you hear the deep rumble in his chest, an unmistakable chuckle.

Peeking up, you raise an eyebrow questioningly. There was nothing funny happening on the screen, not even a throwaway joke.

Hobie notices your stare, a smirk playing on his lips, you have no idea how the telly's light makes him more handsome, you didn't even know it was possible for him to become more attractive.

“Why were you even mad? They're just like us before we were together”

You lean back, scoffing, eyebrows knitted together. “No, we weren't like that”

He looks at you with a face that says: are you sure about that?

Gasping, you look like a meteor struck you with realization. Now you remember why some of the (most frustrating) scenes in the show were so familiar to you. Because you lived through it with the man next to you. (He's currently laughing his ass off)

“Fuck! We used to be those stupid bitches!”

[bellewintersroe]

Carlos Sainz x CelebEx! Reader 18+.

Carlos’ ex, world famous model, actress and, much loved F1 presenter, Lila Maynard bumps into him during the Italian GP and she confronts him about his hypocrisy 🙄🙄 (arguments and ensue and we see how Carlos most definitely makes it up to Lila).

what do you all think of Isa’s tik toks? I’m living for her liking all the shady comments, she’s a queen.

“Tanti auguri a te, tanti auguri a te!” I winced in confusion, recognising the tune of ‘Happy birthday’ being chimed out in Italian. September 1st, there was only one person I knew celebrated on that day and that was my ex boyfriend of six months, Carlos Sainz. Fuck. “Tanti auguri a Carlos, tanti auguri a te!”

“Hip, hip hooray.” I sarcastically muttered to myself, keeping my head down and walking out of the hotel, a wall separating the Carlos frenzy crowd and I. Thank god, my stomach churned just at the thought of catching sight of my ex boyfriend. We had been separated for almost six months, and not spoken in five. Despite working on the grid, interviewing drivers I was strictly able to avoid the Ferrari garages, occasionally I’d go speak with Charles, but it was difficult seeing as Carlos was always nearby, watching me with these puppy eyes that made me want to gauge my eyes out. You see, Carlos seemed to move on pretty quickly with a beautiful model, our two year relationship clearly meaning nothing more than one month to him. Four weeks. That’s all it took, it sickened me to the core. I still had an internalised anger directed towards him, but it was squashed when I stepped out from behind the wall and was suddenly face to face with an innocent looking Carlos.

Hooray…

My breath hitched and out of pure panic, I began with a breathless; “happy-” but I was cut off when a beautiful, tall brunette appeared by Carlos’ side. Carlos looked stunned, mouth open as his eyes were wide staring at me. The girl looked me up and down before staring right back to the Spanish man. She hooked her arm around his protectively. My jaw fell slightly agape and I nudged my chin up in acknowledgement. “-Birthday.” The words fell flat, as did the harsh pounding of my heart. It dropped all the way to the bottom of my stomach as I turned away in a revolted shock.

I strode straight past him, plastering the most fake smile over my face as I waved to people yelling out my name. As soon as I climbed in the back of the car I was a trembling mess. Jesus fucking Christ, that couldn’t have been more awkward. I felt the tears well up as I stared directly down to my cream pants, the camera flashes from out the window capturing me in the most vulnerable moment as I attempted to shield my face, swiping at the tears. Hours later, the images were sprawled all across social media. Images of my head down, tears stained down my cheeks, images of me directly across from Carlos, stood face to face with him and the girl pinned as his new ‘lover’. It wasn’t the same girl as I’d seen all over tik tok, Instagram and Twitter all those months ago. Still, it bothered me. Really bad. It seemed social media was having a frenzy over the cringe worthy interaction, people were trolling Carlos saying it was his ‘birthday canon event’ to bump into me. I truly had no desire to head out that evening, but I knew wallowing in a hotel room on a Friday night would do me no good, so I was two glasses of wine down with three of my friends when I heard a very familiar tune. “Tanti auguri a te…” I groaned, dropping my head onto my arm, rested on the table below. “End my fucking life. Now.” I muttered.

“Oh, Lila.” Taylor sighed, twisting a strand of my hair. Listening to what seemed to be the whole bar singing happy birthday to my ex boyfriend was the final straw for me, I took off early. But not before I took one final trip to the toilet.

On my way out, I audibly sighed at the heavy feeling lingering over my chest. When would this ever end? I pushed my lipgloss and phone back into my bag as I stepped out from around the corner. I wasn’t looking where I was going and bumped directly into another body.

“Oh, fuck!” I blinked a few times, stepping back. “I’m so sorry-” my apology fell flat when I looked up and caught sight of the stranger- stranger.

“I- wanted to talk to you…” two pairs of familiar hands were on my shoulders, easing me as my stomach filled with nerves instantaneously. It was Carlos. He must’ve heard the way my breath hitched, his hands slowly dropping as we just stared back to one another.

“Talk to me?” I swallowed, “in the girls bathroom?”

“Actually… here is fine, Lila.” My eyes fluttered shut as I pitched the bridge of my nose momentarily. “I- look, happy birthday and well done in practice and all, but- I-I really don’t want to do this Carlos.” I admitted as he swallowed harshly. The first thing that gave away he was nervous.

“I just wanted to say sorry from earlier.” The Spanish man muttered. I avoided looking at him, if I stared for too long I’d fall in love or a deep hatred all over again for him. Maybe both. I didn’t want to know how his hair was longer, or his smile didn’t blossom so big anymore- the small details like scars, freckles, things that would all come back to me if I looked at him a little too long.

“Why? What-what about earlier?” I stammered.

“I saw you upset. I don’t want to make you upset.” My jaw tensed as I stared down to the floor below. “I- can you look at me?” He attempted to reach forwards, but I took a whole step back.

“No.”

“No?”

“No, Carlos. I can’t.” I responded firmly. “You can’t look at me?” He sounded hurt now, exactly how I’d been feeling all day. For the past six months in fact. Maybe I was being irrational, but it didn’t bother me to care, I felt so humiliated and betrayed by this man, worst of all I still loved him. If I looked back at him I know I’d break down.

“Please.” He lowered his voice, stepping ever so slightly forwards as I felt my eyes prick, my teeth grinding down on a certain point of my cheek to prevent any from falling. “Let me explain, Lila, everything.” His voice was on edge, cracking with each word. There went the tears. I blinked up, rolling my eyes at my pathetic ability to hold any tears away. I wiped at the one that fell quickly. He looked taken back, saddened, just as he was about to reach forwards to console me, I thought, fuck it, what’s the point in holding back now? “Explain what? How you moved on after four fucking weeks Carlos? Or-or why you’re talking to me when your fucking girlfriend is sat in there.” My hand gestured as I spoke harshly. I stared directly back to him, he was shaking his head in rejection of my words and it fired me up almost instantly. “No-”

“Oh, don’t even try to deny it. I saw everything, all the models, all the yachts, were you spiteful of me?? For making the decision to end something that wasn’t fucking leading anywhere?” Maybe that wasn’t so correct, but in my blinded rage I didn’t care, I wanted my words to be as harsh as possible. I wanted to cause maximum disruption the way he’d caused me. Maybe that was the wine talking… or maybe it wasn’t… “No, no.” He shook his head, the frustration growing on his face. “We are not doing this here, bebé.” The accidental pet name flew a dagger directly into my chest, twisting and snagging on my heart the longer I stared back to him.

“I’m not your-” I cut myself off seeing another, oddly familiar face walking around the corner. I was sure she was extremely familiar to Carlos too.

“Carlos… what’s going on?” The English girl questioned, she eyed back to me and in that moment I felt uncomfortably sorrowful for her. She hadn’t exactly done anything wrong.

“I’m just… sorting some things out, I’m sorry, you should go.” He muttered as I cringed for the girl, my stomach churning at the rejection. Although it was deep down what I wanted, that was an extremely spiteful thought of me.

“Okay.” She awkwardly spoke, eyeing me up once more. “I am sorry.” Carlos muttered. “Um… it’s fine.” The poor girl paused for a couple more seconds, obviously contemplating what the hell had just happened. I could only stare at the wall in complete awkwardness, questioning how this could possibly get any worse? Part of me just wanted to walk away, the other part of me physically and emotionally couldn’t. Carlos let out a deep sigh once she’s headed around the corner, away from the two of us. “I had only met her twice.” He spoke, much calmer now. “That was mean.” “I know..” he quietly spoke as a silence took over us when a few more people walked past to go into the toilets.

“Was that who I thought it was?” One girl muttered to her friend, her voice echoing down the hallway. “Should we ask for a picture?”

“Lila, please. Can we go somewhere quieter.” Carlos asked at the perfect time. Hearing the girls turning around I or back up to him, desperate to avoid the eyes of onlooker that could spread dreaded tales around social media. Carlos took me to an empty room upstairs, nobody was there, no staff, nothing. He locked the huge wooden door behind us both as I awkwardly lingered by a table. It must’ve been some kind of function room, a small one that wasn’t in use. I was positive we weren’t allowed up here, but from the looks of things, nobody noticed, and the cameras were all pulled from their hinges, hanging off wires sadly. “I had only met her twice.” Carlos repeated his words from downstairs. I leant back on a table as he stood in front of me, pacing slightly. “And your girlfriend on the yacht?” I stared to the ground below. You could feel the vibrations from the music, and as the clock was striking 9 I slowly lost any desire to be in here.

“Not my girlfriend.” He shook his head. “I needed a- distraction.” He fumbled over his English slightly as my heart swelled. I dragged my nails slightly over the skin in a bid to rid the warm feeling.

“Estaba enojado.” (I was angry). His voice sounded more deflated as he stood still, picking the wood of the table below. “Why?” My voice borderline whispered. “Because…” he began in English again but his voice came to an abrupt stop. “Porque pensé que ya no me amabas.” (Because I thought you did not love me anymore).

It took me a couple seconds to piece the Spanish together. “What does that-” I froze, head tilting up to him. “You didn’t think I loved you anymore?”

Carlos shook his head, tensing his jaw as he stared down to the table below. “So-so you wanted to back at me?” My voice lowered, the anger sizzling out of my body. The thought of him believing I didn’t love him hurt. It made me feel sorrowful, remorseful, and for the first time, understanding of why he did what he did.

Carlos now nodded with a yes and I pushed myself to stand up straighter, so we were a little closer. “I always loved you. I still do.” I watched his movements stop at my admission.

“That’s why it just hurt so bad to- to see them in my place after four weeks.”

“It was 3.” He then commented as I froze again. “3 weeks. If we are being honest.”

A dizziness ran through me, a sickness like no other as I stared back to him now, bottom lip trembling.

“Me convierte en una mala persona.” “Stop with the Spanish, I don’t understand.” My voice trembled as his head snapped up. He always spoke Spanish as a safety barrier, so I couldn’t exactly always tell what he was opening up about, especially when he was nervous. “It makes me a bad person, Lila.” He reached out, smoothing a hand over my cheek. I shook my head as a ‘no’ but he had already began nodding. “Yes.”

I nudged his hand away, my head dropping as I let out as light sob. “No, no, no.” He panicked, “ven aquí.” (Come here). Carlos pulled me into his chest as I attempted to hold back the cries I wanted so desperately to let out.

“No, no, no.” He muttered again, rubbing up and down my bare arm as I took a deep breath, wiping under my eyes carefully. “They didn’t come close.” Carlos then spoke. “They didn’t come close to you. I love you, and always you.” His words festered something deep inside of me, a feeling that I couldn’t control. It was the exact same warmth and comfort I felt around him, the way our soul’s felt connected- it was an irreplaceable feeling to say the least.

“Carlos.” I whispered, turning up as he began using his thumbs to swipe away my tears. “I hate you.” I whispered, the words lacking any sense or meaning as he sadly smiled, running a hand down my hair. “I know.”

“I really hate you.” I pathetically spoke, both his hands holding either side of my face. He looked mesmerised, strands of hair was brushed over my face, his mouth was agape as we both stepped closer.

“I know.” Carlos muttered even quieter, his head dropping as my eyes fell onto his lips. On my toes, I met him half way. I love you… I didn’t know what was happening in that moment, but it was like we automatically met half way, our lips landing on one another’s in a hungry kiss. Our teeth clashed dramatically, body’s bouncing against the tables and chairs behind us, all without breaking apart the kiss.

My hands pulled him closer, desperate to feel him, all of him. One of his hands firmly held the back of my head, the other pulled my waist into his, forcing our bodies tightly together. A desperation inside me mixed with how heated the kiss was had my hands flying towards his belt. “Please. Carlos, please.” I whispered, giving into all attempts of putting a barrier up. I needed him, and he needed me. He let out a slight moan of agreement, refusing to the break the kiss.

I began undoing his belt swiftly, feeling his hands tug up on the short dress I wore as he fell to his knees. My hands disconnected from his belt and held onto the table behind me for stability. My breathing was heavy and laboured, and I couldn’t even think straight as he yanked my underwear down, not even getting them fully off my legs before his mouth attached to my pussy.

“Oh- fuck.” I gasped, eyes rolling back at the pleasurable sensation. His tongue was warm and wet against my core, his fingers tightened around my hips, yanking them up onto the table once he’d freed me from my underwear. I didn’t bother being quiet, the music downstairs would drown out my moans, and I was pretty sure nobody would venture up here anyway.

“Carlos.” I gasped, my fingers tugging on the ends of his long hair, the familiarity driving me insane as I dropped my head back, riding his mouth as he slurped and licked, groaning against my pussy as he pushed his mouth deeper, sucking and nipping.

I let out a cry of pleasure, tugging harshly at his locks until he let out a moan at the pain, breaking apart. He stared at me for a second, a look of complete shock in his eyes. There was a second just of our heavy breathing before he moved back in, pushing my thighs further apart, biting at my flesh, kissing and licking.

“Please.” I begged for nothing in particular. “Please, please.” My head fell up to the wooden roof, my voice barely above a whisper. I felt him move up, the sound of his belt fully unbuckling stirred me again, Carlos tucked his hand, engulfing the back of my head and pushing his forehead against my own.

“Nadie comparado contigo.” (Nobody compared to you). I moaned at the familiarity of his words, feeling the tip of his cock push against my entrance.

“Te amo. te amo.” (I love you. I love you). Carlos filled me up, wiping at the tear stains on my cheeks, lips pressed against to my forehead as his hot breath fanned against my skin. I shuddered at the fullness he made me feel, fingers snatching at the smooth of his shirt, bunching it up as it untucked from his pants below. I kissed him tenderly, feeling the thrusts of his hips begin. Carlos moved closer, nudging his face up against the side of mine, lips brushing against the shell of my ear. With each moan and breath he took, it heightened my own pleasure.

Our breaths and pants mixed together, the table squeaked and scraped on the floor below, Carlos slammed a hand down, groaning as he bit into my shoulder, pushing down the spaghetti straps as I freed my breasts, allowing him to grab a handful. His eyes roamed over my face, my eyes, lips, breasts, where he fucked into me, he was beginning to sweat, moving constantly between kissing me and pulling back to thrust into me faster, harder. I was in intense bliss, my pussy tightened and clenched constantly, with each tension Carlos would groan, gripping onto my arm tighter as he fucked harder into me.

“Fuck me, Carlos- oh my- god!” I whined, hearing him moan properly, his legs hitting against the table causing it to screech harder against the floor. We were loud, animalistic, soon enough, Carlos had spun me around and fucked into me from behind as I grasped onto the table for support.

The press of his cock constantly slamming against my g spot made me yell out in pleasure, breathing harshly. “Quiero que te corras para mi.” He dirty talked, arching over my body to press against my own. His fingers slotted under me, rubbing over my aching clit as I bucked my hips wildly back into his.

“Please, please, Lila.” He begged as I choked out a moan, my eyes screwing tightly shut. He was fucking harshly into me, skin slapping against my own as one of his hand trembled against my shoulder, gripping my harshly. Something about his begs and groans had the knot in my stomach tightening harsher than ever. His fingers worked against my clit, faster and faster as I gasped out loud.

“Oh fuck- Carlos-” I borderline slurred, crying out as I dropped a hand over his fingers, feeling one of his curling over mine. My legs were shaking and I felt paralysed with tension as it took one more thrust before I was tipping over the edge, crying and moaning out, gasping and pleading his name as I came undone, my orgasm paralysing my whole body. My pussy throbbed, his thrusts continuing as Carlos’ groaned became louder. “Cum inside me, I want you inside of me.” I choked out, coming down from my overwhelming orgasm. Carlos’ hand slapped against my ass, gripping me closer as he slammed his hips into mine before letting out a loud growl and unloading his seed inside of me. High on his orgasm, Carlos fell on top of me, panting and moaning as he slowly bucked his hips through the pleasure. I was a gasping, sweating mess, my eyes closed as I rested on my hand which was flat to the table, letting out one last coo of a moan feeling Carlos’ lips press to my upper back.

We remained in that position for a few more moments before my legs began to tremble with the ache of half kneeling on the table, the other supporting me with the tip of my toe touching the floor. My heel had falling off during the love making, so when I stepped down I fell straight onto the cold of my feet. Carlos shifted, lifting his body off me as I turned around, standing up as I brushed my hair down. I couldn’t believe what had just happened, there was an element of shock to the whole situation, it all happened so fast. I bit down on my lip, watching him tug his boxers back over himself and his jeans back up, zipping and doing the button. He paused before he did his belt, glancing back up to me. Carlos reached out, smoothing my hair down on one side with a soft smile. I offered one back, pulling my dress straps back over my shoulders.

Carlos’s eyes dropped to my ribcage before I covered myself with my dress. “New tattoo?” He poked at the skin, “Mmmh. A couple months ago.” I shyly spoke, giggling when he eyed up my breasts slightly.

“Don’t.” I quietly spoke, but it didn’t have much authority behind it. “I have seen it all before.” He turned his head away when I asked him to, fastening his belt.

“Still.” My lips were crooked as I awkwardly searched for my underwear, feeling his seed spill out of me as I grimaced. “Here.” Carlos smiled, handed me the black fabric over, holding it out on his palm when he retrieved it from the floor. Embarrassed, I swiped it from his hold, pulling them on quickly as they caught the liquid that was beginning to seep out of me. I cringed, uncomfortable with the sensation as Carlos let out a small laugh, tucking his shirt back into his pants.

I glanced up, smiling shyly before looking around the room a little awkwardly. “¿Estás bien?” (Are you okay?). “Sí.” I giggled as he let out a closed mouth exhale of laughter, buttoning up his shirt which had popped open previously.

“Are you?”

“Sí.” He nodded, sighing and glancing back to me. “I don’t really hate you.” I muttered after glancing over his face. Carlos hummed in laughter in response, reaching out and swiping his thumbs under my eye. The gentle movement made my heart flutter as I couldn’t help but properly gaze over his face, disbelief setting in as I watched back to my ex boyfriend.

“I don’t.” I shrugged, feeling swipe what must’ve been fallen mascara. His hand rested on my cheek, moving in to kiss me softly as I felt myself swooning even harder. “Will you come with me tomorrow- ah with me to qualifying?” The Spanish man asked.

I felt my chest tighten, I reached out to soften the crease in his white shirt. “You want me to?”

“I want you to.” Carlos seriously nodded as I nodded. “Okay.” I whispered. He smiled again, taking me by the hand and easing me forwards, unlocking the door we locked. We didn’t really acknowledge the fact we’d just fucked like rabbits in such a public area, the two of us escaped the bar, giggling and ignoring the paparazzi. “You come out here with one girl and leave with another.” I kicked his foot, resting my hand over his thigh.

“Don’t say that.” He very quickly spoke, clearly looking a little awkward as we shared a laugh. I leant forwards, kissing his cheek. “Happy birthday, Carlos….”

The whole ‘ex boyfriend’ didn’t last too much longer after that, it was clear to say hooking up in a run down, attic bar magically solved something between Carlos and I…

[hayanwulf]

IronStrange:

One of them performs CPR on the other.

Fun fact: a defibrillator can’t actually revive a patient who ‘flatlined’.

Shocking, I know. I guess that’s modern media misrepresentation for you.

PS: At the cost of being a lil hypocritical.. the chance of getting an unshockable cardiac arrest (aka flatline or ‘asystole’) in our scenario, and then also surviving it with CPR, is ridiculously, laughably low. So, Stephen really shouldn’t have survived here, or flatlined in the first place... But hey, the movie itself threw realism out the window, so you can’t tell me shit.

The empty mug comically slipped from his grip, meeting the floor in an ear-deafening shatter.

Tony did not hear it, however, not over the pounding of heartbeat in his ears that immediately followed the almost-heart attack he got at the sight of a literal portal on fire inside his workshop, out of which stumbled his ex-fiance who he had not seen for eight months, hands clutching bloody chest, face drained of color and contorted in pain, steps staggering and making him crash against an equipment.

“The hallucinations are getting crazy,” Tony murmured.

“It’s not a hallucination, Boss,” FRIDAY announced, an urgency to her voice, pulling Tony out of his disbelief-induced state of shock — bless his AI. “Doctor Strange needs immediate medical attention! He’s been stabbed on the chest.”

Tony’s heart only lurched further at the last bit, but he forced his feet to move, shoved all thoughts to the back of his mind, beelining straight for his very mortally injured ex-fiance who was now leaning against god knew what, looking up at Tony with wild, terrified eyes.

“Cardiac Tamponade,” Stephen muttered, his voice weak with a bit of tremble to it, as Tony came to his side to carefully support him. “There’s blood in the pericardial—”

“Shut up!” Tony snapped, felt Stephen flinch against him, and immediately cursed himself for lashing out like that for no reason. He just.. god, this was the first time Tony was seeing Stephen after seven goddamn months, and it was to find him injured — mortally injured — and the first thing Stephen spoke to him was godforsaken diagnosis of how severely close to death he was.

He looked back at the portal once and suppressed a shudder, before shifting his focus back on Stephen to help lead him over to the small infirmary that was built right next to his workshop. “Just.. what the fuck, Stephen?”

Stephen winced, throwing a glance behind his shoulder at the portal, misunderstanding what Tony truly meant. “Sorry, that’s..” He made them pause and waved a hand at the tear in reality behind them.

Tony watched in awe for a moment as the portal quickly shrank and disappeared, remnants of glowing orange dust in the air the only evidence that something had even existed there a moment ago.

“What just—” Tony cut himself off. Not important right now.

He shook his head to dispel all other thoughts and focus solely on Stephen because oh god there was so much blood, Stephen was hurt, Stephen was dying—

“FRIDAY!” He called out, voice wavering with the panic that grew in him with each passing moment as he led Stephen to the adjacent infirmary.

“There is no medical staff at the Compound, Boss..”

“Why!?” Tony asked as his heartbeat spiked at the realization, even though he already knew why.

No one lived in the Compound anymore. All of the staff had been long since dismissed.

As he led Stephen towards the nearest operating table, Tony spared only a brief moment to wonder why, despite there being nobody and nothing in this large establishment, was it that Tony continued to stay here.

He helped Stephen lay flat on the operating table and began to undo.. whatever it was that Stephen was wearing, all the while chanting under his breath, “I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this..”

“Tony,” Stephen spoke, grabbing hold of Tony’s wrist and looking him in the eye. “You can, I know it.”

Tony helplessly shook his head because he couldn’t. How could Stephen think that he could?

But, god, there was no time, no choices.

Stephen either had him, or nothing.

Tony felt the exact moment Stephen’s grip on his arm grew weak, saw his eyes flicker as he fought to keep them open.

“I trust you..” Stephen said weakly, and then passed out, his hand going limp over Tony’s.

Tony stared for a moment.

“Boss?”

FRIDAY’s voice pulled him out of his daze. He looked up at the heart graphs, then back at Stephen’s limp body, and then back up at the heart graphs to be absolutely extra sure he hadn’t lost Stephen yet. His mind was nothing but panicked haze and adrenaline, and logic fought emotion as he struggled to simply act, to do something because he was losing Stephen right in front of his eyes and oh god he needed to save him—

“FRIDAY, w-what—” He swallowed as his voice wavered, “what do I do?”

“Boss, you are close to having a panic attack—”

“And he’s close to dying, dammit! What do I do!?”

“He needs a pericardiocentesis.”

“What the fuck is that?”

“Just get the needle, second shelf from the top.”

FRIDAY guided him through the surprisingly simple, yet downright horrifying procedure of stabbing a needle straight into Stephen’s heart to drain out the blood stuck in his pericardium, decompressing the pressure on his heart. There was a large stab wound on the left side of his chest. The sight of so much blood — of Stephen’s blood — made Tony feel lightheaded, its suffocating metallic scent tangible in his mouth, tasting like copper, all the while his eyes watched the screens of vitals with sharp attention, witnessing as Stephen’s heartbeat grew weaker and weaker, every digit of drop in the heart rate making dread pool heavier in his stomach, making his gut twist sickeningly.

He was holding Stephen’s delicate, precious life in his hands and god, it was terrifying.

How did you do this every single day? Tony silently asked the man lying unconscious in front of him, the back of his eyes stinging as tears formed in them.

If Stephen died now, here, like this, Tony could never forgive himself.

It was those thoughts that roared loud in his mind, in tandem with the beeping of the heart monitor, as he held onto the needle drawing out a nauseating amount of blood.

Even after most of the clogged blood from the walls had been drained out, Stephen’s heart remained weak, his low heart rate not recovering.

And then it happened, just as he pulled out the needle.

Tony’s entire world came to a halt at that sharp, ear-deafening beep of the heart monitor.

“You need to start CPR, now!” FRIDAY spoke up immediately, voice loud and clear over the shrill beep.

“I—the defibrillat—”

“That won’t work, you have to do CPR!”

Tony didn’t question her. He trusted his babygirl, trusted her to help him save Stephen’s life, and moved up to Stephen’s face, tilting his head up, chin held in his hand.

30 compressions, 2 breaths.

He would not lose Stephen. He would not.

Steadying his resolve as he inhaled a deep breath, he pinched Stephen’s nose and then dipped down to seal their mouths together, before blowing into Stephen’s mouth, watching from the corner of his eye as Stephen’s chest rose. He repeated the action, blowing a second rescue breath into Stephen’s mouth, and then quickly moved to his chest.

Taking care to not place his hands over the stab wound currently sealed with nanites, he pushed down forcibly at Stephen’s chest and set up a fast pace, counting the compressions in his head, acutely aware of his speed as well as the relentless beeping of the heart monitor that continued to echo in the background.

After 30 compressions, he repeated the two rescue breaths, and moved to performing compressions again.

Seven.. eight.. nine..

Tony froze when the incessant beeping of heart monitor stopped, to be replaced by a barely there pulse, the graph displaying a weak heart rhythm that was all over the place.

Tony could’ve cried right then. Maybe he did.

“Don’t stop,” FRIDAY’s voice instructed him, and so he didn’t, continuing with the chest compressions.

Two more cycles passed by the time FRIDAY said, “You can shock him now, Boss.”

Tony didn’t waste another second in fetching the defibrillator. He applied the conductive gel over the two paddles before placing one on the right side of Stephen’s sternum and the other below his left nipple — thank the science gods Stephen’s injury didn’t get in the way of their placement — and let FRIDAY decide the appropriate voltage. He pressed down hard on the paddles, steering clear of any other contact to Stephen’s body as the equipment delivered shock.

The heart rhythm graph reacted immediately, and Tony watched in awe as the entire electrical activity was reset and started producing a much healthier, stable rhythm. The pulse reacted to it, quickly gaining strength.

Tony’s knees nearly buckled from the sheer intensity of relief that washed over him, watching Stephen’s heart gain its strength back right in front of his eyes.

Stephen’s eyes flew open with a start and a gasp, and Tony was immediately by his side, the defibrillator abandoned. He panted, eyes glazed and darting wildly at first, until they slowly regained focus. Tony placed a hand on Stephen’s arm, wanting to help him, wanting to give him something to anchor himself to.

But mostly to reassure his own self that Stephen was still here.

“God, that feels weird in the astral plane,” Stephen murmured, his voice a little raspy, before a weak laugh escaped his lips.

“You think this is— wow.” Stephen was laughing. It hadn’t been five minutes since Tony had pulled this man out of the claws of death and now here he was, laughing. Tony felt his body vibrate, his inside burning up with this infuriating mix of anger and.. and.. ugh! He didn’t know.

Never had he felt something so strong, so nauseatingly gut-churning before.

Christ, was this the anger that Stephen felt every time Tony had looked death in the eyes and walked the other way with a victorious smirk on his lips? Was this the exasperation he had always seen in Rhodey’s face when Tony had dismissed his own near-death experiences? Was this the horror Pepper felt every time, as she watched Tony’s gruesome injuries be patched up by Stephen?

“Tony..?” Stephen called out in a small, uncertain voice, causing Tony to turn back to him. Whatever Stephen found there, it made him flinch. Good. After a second, he tentatively added, “I’m.. sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Tony snapped. “You.. you fucking walk out on me without ever telling anything, not even a message, a note, nothing. A-and the next time I see you, you’re walking out of a wormhole with.. with a stab on your chest, bleeding all over my lab. And you’re sorry. You fucking died, Stephen!”

Tony realized that he was visibly shaking now, his breath coming in hitches as thick tears streamed down his face. He sat himself down on the edge of Stephen’s table, wiping both his hands over his entire face, just trying to collect himself. God, it felt like someone was squeezing his heart trying to make it burst.

What would he have done, had Stephen died here today? Because of his inadequacy, because he didn’t know what to do, how to act fast, how to save the life of his fiance?

A shaky hand landed on his arm, making him remove his hands from his face to turn and look down at Stephen.

His ex-fiance had a remorseful look on his face as he interlocked their fingers.

“You did an amazing job, Tony. You saved me.”

Some of Tony’s tense energy melted, and he exhaled a shaky breath with closed eyes.

Stephen was alive. Stephen was here. Because Tony had managed to save him.

“Thank you,” Stephen added after a moment.

Tony opened his eyes and glanced at Stephen from the corner of his eye. “Fuck you.”

He felt it more than heard when Stephen’s chest rumbled with a laugh, and Stephen immediately winced.

Right, the wound must hurt like a bitch.

“Hold on,” Tony said and went to fetch a fresh needle and a vial of painkiller.

A minute later, he unceremoniously dumped the used needle on the appropriate bin as he spoke, “So what’s up with the glowing wormholes and your LARP wizard costume?” He leaned himself against an equipment near Stephen’s table, who was now sitting upright, putting the said LARP costume back on. “Or do we wanna talk about who wanted to roleplay too realistic murder mystery with you? Oh, I have a better idea. How about we start from where the hell did you fuck off to in Nepal?”

Stephen winced, and this time it wasn’t from the physical pain. “I shouldn’t have left you like that?”

“Yeah? Well, good thing that I’m used to being left behind by the people I trust,” Tony spoke, voice laced with venom. A memory flashed in his mind. Blood tainting the white of snow, the feel of metal growing lethally cold all around his body, the dead weight of a dead arc reactor sitting over his chest.

He suppressed a shiver, shoving the memory away.

Stephen, of course, knew nothing of the said memory, and a hint of confusion mixed with hurt flashed over his features. “I.. I’m really sorry, Tony. I have to go.”

Tony blinked, doing a double take of what he’d just heard. “I’m sorry, did you just say that you have to go?”

“Yes.”

“Where!?” Tony snapped, not quite able to hide the irritation in his voice.

Stephen bit his lower lip, expression twisting in contemplation, clearly weighing his options about what he wanted to tell Tony. He then sighed and looked up at Tony.

Tony didn’t know what answer he had expected to hear.

‘I moved on.’ ‘I have another life now, one without you.’ ‘Stop trying to follow me.’

But what he got wasn’t something he’d have expected to hear in a thousand years.

“I was learning magic in Nepal.”

It left him staring dumbfounded, simply trying to grasp what he was hearing.

Stephen sighed again, averting his eyes. “You saw the portal, right?”

Tony swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling too dry as a new, terrifying kind of realization dawned on him. “Yeah.”

Stephen closed his eyes. “There are.. more like us. Good and bad. And the bad ones are going to try to destroy this world, with magic.” He got off the table then, getting on his feet, and stood a foot away from Tony, looking him in the eyes. “I have to go, Tony.”

Too much. This was all too much. First he watched Stephen stumble out of the goddamn portal, watched him die on the table, resuscitated him.. now he was learning that..

Magic.

Stephen was magic.

He’d been learning magic on Nepal, all this time, while Tony was left fumbling alone trying to gather even the tiniest scrap of information on this man, just enough to know that he was fine, that he was alive.

Tony was left with an odd mix of unadulterated fury and debilitating fear bubbling beneath his skin.

Hesitantly, Stephen reached out and took one of Tony’s hands in his shaky grip, brought it to his mouth, and pressed a soft, lingering kiss on the back on his hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said one last time and let go of Tony’s hand, turning to walk away.

Tony caught his arm before he had fully turned, making him pause and look back at Tony.

“I’m coming too,” Tony declared, letting his determination shine in his tear-streaked eyes.

Stephen slowly shook his head. “There will be magic, Tony.”

Tony spread his arms, summoning Mark XLVII, which flew into the infirmary from his workshop, opened up and quickly wrapped itself around Tony’s body in one quick, flawless motion, only leaving his head uncovered. He could see it in Stephen’s awestruck expression that he was impressed by its smoothness and elegance.

“I’m coming,” Tony repeated, “and that’s final.”

Coming because he would not back down in the face of magic. Coming because he had a duty to this world.

Coming because he would not let Stephen walk into danger all by himself.

Stephen looked at him from one eye to the other, swallowed, and nodded once.

“Close your eyes, I have to open a portal.”

Tony did, trusting Stephen.

[queerweewoo]

FUCK IT FRIDAY

WARNINGS: explicit, passive suicidality

i posted this at like five AM when i couldn't get back to sleep, but i'm now classing it as fuck it friday from last week lol where i was tagged by the lovely @daffi-990 (i think?!)

it's buddie flavoured buck pov that i have no real idea what to do with yet. it has passive suicidality, explicit thoughts/content, and some strange facts about the animal kingdom/humans/the world etc that might gross some people out, so i'm whacking it beneath a cut xp

Sometimes, Buck thinks about killing himself. Not actual like fantasising or anything, it's more just—a brief but crystal clear notion that sort of washes over him. Most times, it's when he's doing okay mentally, and just remembering the times when he wasn't. What strikes him the most about it is that it's truly like a light bulb moment every single time—just kind of like actually, wouldn't that be a fucking great solution to my problem? even though he's easily had the exact same thought a few dozen times before. 

Objectively, he knows it's an odd thing to think about. Weird to be thinking that way in general. Like, he gets that it's strange to muse over taking your own life in such a 'whatever' blasé sort of fashion, it's just that Buck's sidled up to Death—brash and cocky yet fluttering his lashes and toying with its scythe with a pinkie finger like he's putting the moves on it or some shit—so many fucking times by this point, like, since he could walk and talk, pretty much, that thinking about it doesn't really feel all that odd or weird or strange to him.

It's not like he would ever actually do it, it's just—a thing he thinks sometimes. Kind of like when he thinks about crowding into Eddie and pressing him into something hard and flat or soft and giving, and slipping his tongue into Eddie's mouth before flipping him over and sliding his dick between Eddie's ass cheeks and kissing the back of Eddie's neck and his crown and his shoulder blades while rutting into his friend like a dog in heat. Until it all becomes something messier and far less controlled. More desperate. Feral, maybe; kind of like clinging to life when there's death around every corner. Until he's not so much kissing Eddie anymore but using Eddie's body to keep on breathing and to plant little seeds of hope there that could grow into something like a life. Until he's not so much rutting anymore as he is fucking his feelings into the pores of his best friend's skin so that Eddie knows good and proper that Buck loves loves loves him, more than anybody else has or does or can or could, like there's maybe a small chance Buck might come good on his not-fantasy of shuffling off this mortal coil if Eddie were to ever leave him. And they're not even, like, together, so... Yeah. It's not like he'd actually do any of those things, they're just—things he thinks sometimes. 

Buck is also pretty much constantly thinking about stuff like how butterflies enjoy drinking blood even though they don't really have the biological apparatus to do it properly and how the average person might be eating something like a credit card's-worth of microplastics in any given week and how there's a rogue black hole in our galaxy which has a mass seven times greater than our sun and how fir trees can viably grow inside a human lung and how the idea of cannibalism doesn't really freak him out as much as he thinks it's probably supposed to, and so many other things that other people seem to think are fucked-up things to be thinking about.

They're just thoughts, to Buck, though, so maybe he just finds shit like this hard to gauge.

Hmm, food for thought, maybe. Or, y'know, something like that.

[camilasstories]

❝feeling unreciprocated❞ chapter 1 | jungkook x reader

summary: Sleeping with one guy after feeling rejected wasn't a good idea, but sleeping with another one and another seemed to be even worse plan. Especially with your handsome crush behind the wall, who is as confused as you about your ways of coping with a broken heart.

trailer | next chapter

Your phone was buzzing from all the notifications you got after you had turned on wi-fi in your settings. You ignored them and started to scroll mindlessly through your Instagram to kill the time as you were waiting for popcorn to be ready in the microwave.

The anxiety and nervousness were escalating to the point you were bitting your lower lip which became more red and puffy. Like on every Friday night since you and your roommate made an arrangement that once a week you two would organize a small movie-night that nobody else could take part in it. And you weren't exactly sure what was the reason behind you distressing about such a trivial matter, but you fathomed soon enough, with a minor help of your dear friend, it was because of the second arranger of your undertaking.

You sighed as you rubbed your cheek in defense.

It had been already three months since you two ended up living together and for these three precious months you were truly fucked, frankly speaking, but who wouldn't be in your place? Let’s be honest - everyone would lose their mind over this boy sooner or later. Moreover, it wasn’t just your personal opinion as far as you knew, but you were the only one who had to endure this killing pleasure all by yourself. You should be grateful, you thought to yourself with a pity that you couldn’t use the circumstances to your advantage. You just couldn’t figure out how and you were afraid it would stay that way if you kept behaving like a simple coward. On the other hand, it would be super discomforting if you ended up stop talking to each other because of your sweet, silly crush. So you were trying to shut it down once and forever, but with no effects.

"Is it ready?" you jumped a little hearing a male voice behind your back.

"No, not yet".

"And now?"

"No, Jungkook, it's not ready yet” you shook your head to emphasise that he would have to wait just a little bit longer for a 3-minute meal “Just pick a movie, I’ll bring it to you in a moment”.

“Okay, just don’t eat it all”.

“Mhm” you managed to utter while you lowered down your head to stare into the screen, but you kept observing him from the corner of your eye.

He was wearing a plain white T-shirt and grey pants that hung from his hips giving away its oversized cut. He looked casual, but his tattoos elevated the outfit making it look… hot. Not to forget his messy hair that were a bit too long. You liked it, but you were able to hide it, anyway. You weren’t crazy to such a point you would run after him, right?

“You have some stains on your shirt” you had told him before he entered the living room, but he just shrugged his shoulders and made his way to the sofa that happened to be the most expensive furniture in your flat. You pitched in together at the beginning of your moving in. It was his condition, actually, but then he didn’t know you were a girl. Had he known it, he wouldn't have made you chip in, however it was too late to cancel the order. You didn't mind. At least you two were in a happy possession of a brand new sofa, which you used very often. Not in this way, of course.

You put the popcorn in front of him, which made him turn his gaze from his phone at you.

"You're addicted" you said slightly amused.

"I didn't complain when you were using yours" he scoffed and put it away "But okay, mummy" he made sure he stressed the last word.

You knew he was just being cordial, but you were flushed anyway, because of the mummy part. The teasing was unbearable when was done by him, because well, you used to take everything he said too seriously and keep second-guessing what he actually meant. Soon, you realized it needed to stop as you were going mad because of it and the worst part was you was aware his words didn't indicate anything more serious than just a friendly reminder you were his "bro". And it sucked.

You didn't let yourself to make a comment so you just sat in the sofa making yourself comfortable.

"What are we watching?"

"Something random, we've watched almost everything" he left the pilot on the coffee table and stuck a pillow behind his back to have something to lean on "So how was your week, miss smart brain?"

You didn’t have to think for too long about your reply.

"As always. Lectures, then practice and lectures again and... meetings with Gia. I'm just happy it's Friday again" you sighed and folded your arms thinking about the last five days "And you?"

"The same thing. Almost" he chuckled seeing your discontent, grumpy expression "I didn't sit with books ninety percent of my time" obviously, It was an exaggeration, but it might have been true if you wouldn't have Gia by your side. Your best friend.

"So it wasn't the same. I should have known that" you rolled your eyes, but smiled anyway "So..." you waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't bother too much to shower you with details.

"I was at Vixen's with my friends".

It was predictable his place to go to was another new club. Somehow, it suited him. Such places were perfect for him. He was outgoing, open with conversation with newly met people and he just liked the atmosphere of big crowds and loud music. Nothing you could compare yourself to so it was a nice surprise you two got along. Still, you thought there was an abyss between him and you on so many levels that even his friends looked at you oddly the first time you met them, but you were just his roommate. Not his girlfriend he choose.

"You should go one day" you looked at him surprised taking popcorn into your mouth "With Gia, for example".

"Maybe" you changed the topic looking at TV. It would be nicer to go with him this time "You picked a trashy film".

"Hey, it's random. I told you" he pushed your leg with his feet "Get lost!" you just laughed shortly and lied down on the sofa making him choose the floor this time.

"My turn" he murmured something under his breath, but sat on the floor, eventually.

The fact was, you saw each other only one day during the week, on every Friday, of course. Sometimes maybe in the mornings or in the evenings if your schedules allowed that. You totally understood he had his own friends, plan etc. so you weren't disappointed, because you weren't even certain if he saw you as his friend or only as his roommate. You just expected from him a little, little attention.

"Do you want pillows?" you asked noticing he took his place without anything to cover or make himself comfortable.

"No, I'm good" he didn't even look at you while answering your question and took his phone out from his pocket.

That was the hard part in all of this. He wasn't that invested in your friendship, at least he was giving this type of impression, so you had the right to be doubtful when it came to his feelings. Maybe it stood on the level called "roommates, nothing less, nothing more" with an arrow "you will never get to the next level, we're sorry for the inconvenience" next to it, so you were stuck.

His position enabled you to see everything as well as to smell his scent because his head at the level of your face as he was sitting in front of you. If you wanted to have a picture of what it was like - just imagine a really heavy, manly perfume coming right into your nose. It wasn't getting any easier for you, unfortunately. You were melting.

You tried hard to focus on the movie, but the ring tones were successfully preventing you from doing so.

You didn't want to come as being nosy, but somehow you couldn't help yourself so you raised your head from a comfy pillow, so you could have a full view of his phone's screen. He was checking his instagram account as you did earlier, nevertheless it wasn't what made you disturbed.

The texts were one by one showing on his notification bar with a loud sound, so Jungkook turned the silent mode on his phone. You saw him frowning his eyebrows and playing with his lip ring at the same time, which got you to make an ultimate move. You pulled yourself up a little bit so you could follow his actions, he opened the conversation. You knew it was wrong of you to look at his private texts, but he didn't move or change his place so you took it as an allowance to give it a look. Just one, you promised, but you could tell it may not have been the last.

min_bora: hi jungkook! min_bora: it was great to see you at vixen's typing...

It wasn't confusing at all. It was just a normal text, however still a hard thing to swallow, again. It was from a girl, overall, so it made you reckon if he was really with his friends like he had said? Like Jimin or Taehyung. Or Namjoon. It wasn't your business, but still you weren't exactly the most happy person in the world if he really lied to you.

min_bora: you looked so handsome without your tshirt ;) not my words but harin's haha

You almost groaned seeing the last text. What was that? A pub or a social club with stripping? Or even worse - harem, which was an obvious overstatement. You just hoped it wasn't it and he would deny it. Fun thing, it shouldn't have concerned you but it did. Maybe if it happened to be the truth, you would finally get rid of your stupid feelings. Perhaps, it was the key to let it go...

"Did you just look at my fucking texts?" he smirked leaning his head back so he had the picture of your face upside down.

Jungkook saw your empty expression as you had got lost in your thought few seconds earlier. You opened your lips wanting to say something, but you were too cogitative to reply right away.

"No, of course not" you shook your head lowering your gaze, but it seemed like you had a large writing "a liar" on your forehead.

Of course, he didn't believe you as he felt your gaze on his back when he was about to text back so he took a pillow and threw it at your face, while you blushed immediately all over your cheeks. This thing was something he didn't notice to your liking.

"Instead of making fun of me, you could help your friend" he pretended to whine while looking at the messages.

Friend? So maybe you were already on another level, which made you instantly worried about getting friendzoned, but it felt like it already was the thing in your situation.

You weren’t making fun of Jungkook, it was far from it. Curiosity just won over your honour and your morals.

"Difficult task" you held your chin with your one hand, bitting your lips and reckoning if you should say it "I don't know what to do with a text that says you look handsome without your t-shirt".

"Any advice?" he rolled his eyes watching "min_bora" sending him some silly emojis, which didn't get slipped by you.

"Don't take your t-shirt off next time?"

"Oh, you don't say" he hissed "She spilled her drink on me by accident. I had to change".

"You bring your clothes with you?"

"Yeah, gym clothes" he said brushed his hair back "They were in Namjoon's car, I forgot them two days earlier".

"Oh".

jeon_jk: hi bora jeon_jk: to the next one :)

You weren't expecting this kind of text got typed to this girl, but he was a free man. He could do anything he wanted, not like you had something to say in this matter, but this one coming...

min_bora: i was wondering... min_bora: do you have tattoos only on your arm or maybe somewhere lower... ;)

"Are you kidding me?" you mumbled quietly so he couldn't made out what you had said and you covered your face with your hand completely uncomfortable.

And envious at the same time, knowing you wouldn't get the courage to simply ask him for a coffee, yet these girls had all of it. Even the view.

You thought that maybe he would react in some way. Like getting embarrassed that you saw it or something, but no. He was unfazed, like nothing too extraordinary happened. Maybe he got used to it, to attention and it didn't surprise him. He just sighed and closed the conversation down leaving Bora on a read.

Jungkook leaned even more so his head was laying on the sofa and his long hair were within reach of your hand. His eyes were closed and his breathing was calm and steady as if he was ready to take a nap or just thinking heavily.

"Are you okay?" you asked with a tranquil voice not to disturb his peace.

"Yeah" he replied with his eyes closed, but this time the tone he used managed to put you off "Let's just finish this movie".

It was a clear signal something happen or it was just his casual attitude towards random things, like everything was the enemy to him and his job was to brace himself. You never talked about your problems, not even complaining about something more private than your day or how bad the lunch tasted. Everything was kept to yourselves and you didn’t have the nerve to ask him what was the reason behind his changing moods. Maybe he was like that. His nature could be edgy, even by looking at his image anybody could say that. You didn’t dwell on the subject assuming he would prefer it to be talked with his closest friends rather than a roommate.

So you just stuffed your mouth with popcorn contemplating what could be wrong with him until you saw closing credits at the end of the movie.

When it finished, he stood from the floor and helped you with cleaning the mess, but soon he went to his room, got changed. Of course, he didn’t stay that night in a flat which made you sad for a known reason, but who you were to stop him.

Honestly, having this type of a crush was quite a burden if you were the one to speak up. Constantly feeling the strain was exhausting, sometimes you couldn’t sleep and think straight in situations which he was involved in. It wasn’t normal and you wished you could do something with it, because it was getting you nowhere. Maybe if you made the decision but… You didn’t want to ask him out and at the same time you didn’t want to let it go. It was a total rollercoaster of mixed feelings that day by day made you run out of energy.

The rest of the evening was calm as usual and you spent it on your phone waiting for a new story from Jungkook which sometimes he posted on his Instagram, but it didn’t happen. You thought about checking Jimin’s account, but you gave yourself a break.

You took a towel and your pyjamas so you could get a shower and you were on your way to the bathroom when you got a new notification, which you checked right away. In your message box was a text that was totally unexpected.

hyunn_wonn: hi there, love

You looked at it confused bringing your knees close to your chest after you had returned to your bed.

And then not the best idea came to your mind.

[heyidkyay]

And if it weren't this dark |

(Tip of the tongue but I can't deliver it properly)

Part One

A/N: hey, a short Alex one for you! it's been in my drafts for a while now, and isn't proofread but I figured I'd just post it and see if anyone likes it, first time writing for him so bare with me..

Summary: You and Alex have been together for ages and it's been so incredible, only now things have changed and you're struggling to tell him just how you feel.

Warning: angst- but also a bit of fluff so, lack of communication

Part Two

--

I’d been dropping hints.

JESUS CHRIST had I been dropping hints.

There wasn’t a day gone by that I hadn’t thought about it finally happening. But as I mentioned, I’d been dropping hints only, they hadn’t been hitting.

So either I was relatively shit at this whole charade or… Alex was just utterly clueless.

I was leaning more towards the latter. But maybe I was simply biased, because over the last coming weeks my hints hadn’t been all that subtle.

I mean, only the other day we’d been on the way to my sister’s house for tea- she’d recently gotten engaged and mum had wanted to celebrate the only way my family really knew how. With good food. 

But neither Alex or I had remembered to pick up the wine we’d promised beforehand, and so we’d popped into the local Tesco’s on the drive over to pick up a few bottles. And whilst we’d been perusing- as you do- we’d somehow found ourselves wandering down the baby aisle.

Yes, the baby aisle. Because that was what I’d been waiting on. A baby. Or rather, a fucking good shag that then led to a baby.

Because, let’s be honest, I really wasn’t one to turn down a good time, far from, but these last few weeks there had been something else I’d been rather hoping for.

Everyone (and I mean everyone!!) around us was either settling down, buying homes, building families, or getting engaged. And Alex and I, well we’d been together for years and yet, nothing.

No ring. No big day planned. No talks of the future. Nada.

Nothing.

And I could honestly say that I wasn’t the type that needed that kind of security voiced or announced.

Truly. 

When Alex and I had first gotten together, I’d only realised that we were properly seeing each other when some other lad at a house party had tried to pull me. I’d never seen Alex so possessive, and it had been proper cute and a tad bit funny in the moment. He’d ‘staked his claim’- how cliche and chauvinistic, yes I know- but that was what had quickly taken us from Y/n and Alex, to Y/nandAlex. Which had suited me quite fine.

So yeah, him and I, since then had always sort of relied on our actions to simply show how we were feeling. 

Like when we’d first moved in together. There’d not been much of a discussion about it, my flat had quickly become the first place Alex would come back to after touring, his stuff had just started taking up space- washing in the dryer, dirty trainers in the hallway- and then he’d started calling it home. ‘Let’s head home, shall we?’ and ‘We’ll be home soon, darling.’ 

And that was all lovely. I adored having that kind of connection with him. 

But there were times when I desperately wished he would open up a little more about what he was thinking. Because although I could read him like an open book most days- his emotions especially- there were far and few times in between when I just felt so lost.

Like recently, I supposed.

I feel like we’ve been on the same page for so long, only now I’m ready to turn anew, start another chapter. Together.

But Alex? I have no fucking clue what he wants.

In all honesty, I think he’d be rather content to just carry on as we have been for the rest of eternity. No talk, no hashing things out. Have Christmas dinner with his parents, spend Boxing Day with mine. New Years in London, back home in time for spring. Same order from the local kebab, Friday nights stay reserved for one another.

And that would be it.

Lost to this routine.

Not that I was expecting a proposal or some grand gesture. I wasn’t much into the idea of any of that! No, just- I wanted more, you know?

I wanted that family I’d always dreamt about, that house we’d quickly make a home. I wanted nappies and nightly feeds, baby-grows which then turned into dungarees. Ten tiny little toes, someone with a cute button nose, a person made up of both him and I. 

But I just didn’t know when that would happen, or if it ever would.

So yeah- Tesco’s. Fuck, did I love to ramble! If Alex could only hear me now I supposed. 

So, as I was saying, we’d been stood in the baby aisle, Alex scrolling through his phone aimlessly, waiting for my dad to text him back a reply after we’d asked if they’d needed anything else whilst we were out. And me, staring starry eyed at the tiny socks and mittens and cute little newborn tees that were on display.

I’d said to him, almost thoughtlessly, “Imagine us having to buy all this. All these tiny little things.”

He’d just glanced up at me, smiled, hummed. Then replied, “Your dad asked if you’d pick him up some of that heartburn medication he buys. Says his acid reflux is playing up again.”

And hadn’t that just been grand? Mentioning my father’s gastrointestinal issues whilst we’d been stood surrounded by adorable little baby items, with me unsubtly referencing the image of US buying some for OUR child in the (now very obvious and very, very far) future.

Incredibly clued in, my Alex.

That hadn’t even been the worst of it though.

A few weeks back, my friend had mentioned that her and her fiancé were actively trying to conceive and I’d been so over the moon for the pair of them. All excited about the chance of having another baby to spoil rotten.

And Alex, he had been all smiles whilst congratulating them, sat comfortably beside me, but when I’d brought it up again on the drive home, he’d simply shrugged it off as though it was a thing that occurred every other day. 

Your mates starting a family. Nothing too out of the ordinary there, at least not to Alex. 

It had royally pissed me off in truth.

And I’d been a little off with him ever since, I think he knew it too.

“Love?”

I blinked out of the daze I’d let myself get lost in and looked away from the laptop screen I’d been staring at for the last, however long. I hummed quietly to him in reply, titling my head against the cushions and over towards where he was stood in the doorway.

“Been calling your name for a while now, you alright?” He quirked a brow up at me, a smug little smile limning his lips as he leant against the frame. He didn’t even know how good he looked. 

I nodded with a small smile then glanced away, back towards the email I’d just been typing. “‘M fine. Just need to get this done.”

Alex said nothing but I heard the soft shuffle of his socked feet across our wooden floors before the settee dipped beside me. He rested his chin against my shoulder, peering down at the screen.

“Just wanted to know what you fancied for tea.” Alex murmured, breath brushing against the skin of my neck. I withheld a shiver. “Figured we could order from that place round the corner.”

I rolled my lip against the other, pushing my glasses up my nose before I wrote another passage, honing all of my focus on finishing this email so that I could finally just relax for the evening.

“Whatever you want, Al. I’m not all that fussed.”

Alex leant away from me slightly, back pressing against the settee cushions, he stayed that way for a while and I could feel his presence as I continued to type away. It was only a short time later that I grinned triumphantly down at the laptop and clicked send, thankful to have it gone and out of my mind.

“All done, cherry?”

Smiling at the familiar petname, my eyes flickered over towards him. I took in the woollen jumper he wore, as well as his hair which was tousled and unkept, probably from having run his hands through it all day. I was only just able to stop myself from reaching out to tangle my fingers in it, wanting to smooth it over. 

“All done.” I murmured faintly and gifted him a tired smile.

Alex was the type to take something and run with it though, so I wasn’t all that surprised when he grinned right back at me and extended a hand out to cradle my left cheek. I leaned into his warmth for a second, allowing his thumb to brush the skin under my eye, probably from where today’s makeup had just begun to smudge. 

I inhaled after and slowly pulled away. Not paying much mind to the way Alex slumped slightly and instead opting to busy myself with putting away my laptop and clearing up the mess I’d made of the coffee table. 

I did it all quietly, picking up the two mugs of tea I’d made, one empty, the other barely touched from where I’d forgotten about it, whilst Alex watched on. The tele remote was perched on the very edge of the table and so I tossed it over towards him, padding my way into the kitchen.

“Put something on, will you? Think there’s a good film on Channel 5.” I prompted over my shoulder, glancing at him through the tramson window that had been installed shortly after the sink had sprung a leak during last tour and flooded the flat, forcing us to make do whilst the owner had remodelled.

Pressing the power up button, Alex flipped the remote around in his hand a couple of times, he looked deep in thought and so I left him be, choosing to wash up the two mugs as well as the few stray knives and forks which littered the basin. 

I hummed quietly to myself, an old song I could hardly recall the lyrics of, whilst I worked, thinking about the many things I had to get done before the weekend started. 

It was Alex’s voice which startled me from my musings actually. He was so much closer now than he’d been before when he spoke up again, I'd obviously not heard his approach.

“So, tea?” Alex questioned me with a slight furrow between his brows, he’d propped himself up against the kitchen counter about an arms width away.

“God, Al! What are you- a wraith? Don’t sneak up on me like that!” I scolded, having jumped out of my skin. I took a deep breath. “Could’ve had a heart attack or something over the kitchen sink.”

Alex chuckled lowly at me, clearly amused by my reaction, he shook his head. “Make headlines, you- woman dies whilst doing the washing up! Reckon it’ll lead to a riot- start up a petition that’ll change the way we wash dishes forever.”

I rolled my eyes, flicking a few soap duds at him in retaliation which only made him reach out towards me. I tried to evade him but he was too quick, sweeping and wrapping me up in his arms so that I couldn’t proceed to splash him any further.

“You always been this much of a weirdo?” I huffed, not making much of an effort to escape his hold even as I struggled to blow a strand of hair out of my face. 

He hummed, smiling down at me as we begun to sway. “Might’ve been. No getting rid of me now that you’ve finally realised it though.”

I playfully winced in retort, forcing out a loud put-upon sigh. “Should’ve just kept quiet and slipped out once you’d fallen asleep watching the tele.”

Alex narrowed his eyes at me, tugging me in tighter. “As if you would.” He taunted.

I simply smirked in retort and let my damp hands work their way under the soft material of his jumper. I cackled loudly at the way he shivered and jumped away from me like a frightened cat during a thunderstorm.

“Ah, you’re in for it!” Alex declared, his face a right picture.

Quick as I could, I dived to my left so that I could position the kitchen counter between us, bracing myself against it to grin over at him. “Should’ve thought twice about that before telling me what to do, Turner.”

“Minx.” Alex smirked, and then he pounced.

We spent the next however long running about the flat after that. 

He’d somehow been able to grab at me in the hallway but I’d thankfully managed to wrangle my way out of his hold, sprinting into our room to use the bed to my advantage. I rolled over it, putting a dent in the freshly made sheets but using the spare moment to take a couple- much needed- deep breaths whilst Alex waltzed slowly inside. I scowled when the door closed behind him. He flashed me a victorious smile.

“Unfair. I’m at a disadvantage.” I pouted, hoping it would soften him slightly. But when that didn’t work I resorted back to a narrow eyed glare. “Open the door, Alex.”

“I don’t think so, Angel-face. You see, I’ve got you cornered.”

I looked for another escape, Alex only growing nearer, but my only options were limited. I could either goad him and then dart towards the door, or dive out the window. 

Seeing as though I didn’t much fancy breaking my neck, I opted for the former.

“Come on, Al.” I chuckled breathlessly, perching precariously on the edge of the mattress in hopes of lowering his defences a little. “We’ve had fun, but I’m proper knackered now. Call it quits so we can have a cuddle?”

Alex glanced over at me warily, he knew me far too well but appeared to be on the verge of agreement. He slowly made his way over towards the bed, shoulders hunched, still on his guard. 

“Promise?”

I hummed my vague assent, smiling up at him softly.

He paused with squinted eyes, “You’ve gotta verbalise it, love. Don’t count otherwise.”

I tilted my head up at him, feigning confusion. But we both knew I wouldn’t say it unless I really meant it. I kept my word.

That little flaw of mine seemed to trip me up though, and we both realised it at the same time too. So as I manoeuvred my way towards the door- feeling like Kim Possible, might I add- Alex was already in motion, catching me by the hips before I could even surpass the foot of the bed.

“Alex!” I screamed, only growing louder when he threw me over his shoulder and span us around. “Put me down! Now!”

“I fucking knew it!” Alex laughed merrily, bouncing me about the place. I swatted at his back unhappily, starting to feel my stomach in my throat. “Knew you’d try something.”

“Yeah, yeah… proper clever, you. Can you put me fucking down now? Think I’m gonna yosh.”

I could only roll my eyes when he dropped me on my arse, although thankfully it was on the mattress. Huffing, I fought to tame the mess he’d probably made of my hair.

“Twat.”

Alex merely chuckled, leaning in close to tuck a strand of stray hair behind my ear. I smiled when he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Hm, so you say.” I replied, peering up at him from where he towered over me, his hand falling to frame my jaw.

He leant in again, smiling as his lips met mine. “Had to show you who’s boss, didn’t I? Couldn’t let you get away with that.”

I gave an airy titter, pushing him away so that I could pull myself to my feet. “I could’ve had you on your arse the second you strolled in here, was just playing fair.”

He caught my wrist before I could retreat back into the living room, encasing my hand in his. I frowned slightly, looking back at him, mainly confused.

“What’s up?” I questioned him. His brown eyes flickered back and forth between my own, he looked conflicted all of a sudden, it was something you didn’t see on Alex too often which caused my frown to deepen, “Alex?” I prodded.

A small sigh escaped him and his gaze fell towards our joined hands, I let my thumb brush against the back of his own, wanting to reassure him in some way.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” I asked again, stepping closer. My other hand braced his forearm.

Alex’s eyes found mine once more and I didn’t think I had ever seen him this torn up. It threw me a bit, his demeanour had changed so quickly, it was like he’d done a total one-eighty on me.

“Think I should be asking you that question.”

I frowned at Alex’s vague reply.

“What do you mean? I’m fine, Alex. Annoyed that you won, but I’ll get you the next time.” I assured him, chuckling softly at the end. But it didn’t seem to do much.

Alex just shook his head, stepping away towards the window. He dragged a hand across his face, rubbing at his chin whilst he gazed down at the street below. 

“Al…” I tried. “Alex. Will you look at me?”

His eyes fell shut, he squeezed them as though he was trying to sort through a messy array of thoughts, of emotions.

Then he sighed. “I just don’t get you sometimes. One second you’re off with me, hardly even have the time to spare a glance my way. Then the next, we’re as happy as Larry, dancing about the kitchen, play-fighting, laughing.”

I had to look away, down towards my feet as a surge of guilt rippled through me. It wasn’t Alex’s fault that he had no idea about all the thoughts that were raging about inside my head. It wasn’t his fault that I was too scared to just come out with it. To tell him what I so does wanted. To just talk to him. 

None of the blame was on him and yet, I’d still placed it all there.

“I’m sorry.” I said, slumping down onto the edge of the mattress with a sigh. My eyes trailed over to find him staring back, his face gave nothing away. “I’ve been an utter twat. And I’ve been so fucking unfair to you. I- I don’t know, Al. I’ve just been struggling with a lot lately. But it really is nothing that you’ve done.”

Alex released a long breath, thumbing the bridge of his nose before he walked towards the bed, taking a seat beside me. We sat there in silence for a few moments, I could feel my heart hammering in my throat. Because it really was now or never. I either told him or… I got over myself. And nothing would change.

“You say you’ve been struggling.”

I angled my head over towards him upon hearing his words, Alex continued to look onwards though, his hands clasped between his knees.

He looked a lot older in that moment, and it reminded me of just how long we’d been together. I could recall a similar moment we’d shared well over a decade ago now, just before the band’s very first London gig.

Alex had spent weeks torturing himself over it, figuring that they’d be wasting their time playing to an empty room. 

It had been the night before they’d been set to leave when he’d come round mine. It’d been late. Really late, as in only mere hours before the train he’d been expected on was set to depart. 

It had just been the two of us. But that hadn’t ever been an unusual occurrence. We’d sat in silence together for a longwhile on my messy bedsheets- he’d always been the type to struggle with words. Strange for a songwriter, yeah, but unless they were accompanied by a couple chords then Alex could honestly spend a millennia searching for the right ones to use if you’d let him. 

He had spoken up eventually though. Told me what was bugging him. And I’d been the one to try and right every bad thought he’d had. Dull his racing mind. 

I’d always very much doubted his fears, about no one wanting to listen to their music outside of Sheffield. Outside of the safety net we’d grown up in. But Alex was as stubborn as I was, and so we’d spent a lot of late nights arguing about it. We’d always make up for it though come morning. 

And Alex had gone, obviously. I’d been one of the few to see the band off that morning, waving goodbye even as the train blurred and disappeared out of sight. He’d phoned me later that night after the gig, I’d heard his smile, he’d gone on this long rant about how wrong he’d been. Because the pillock had only gone and gotten carried around the venue on a sea of hands, hadn’t he?

This moment didn’t feel quite the same though. Because these fears I’d been facing, well they didn’t threaten anything outside of the four walls we’d carved for ourselves. If I told him how I felt, there was a very big chance that he might not feel the same, want the same. There was a very real chance he could just walk away.

“If it’s been so bad. Why didn’t you just come to me?” Alex asked and his eyes found mine then, that warm brown of his appeared so oddly defeated. So much so, I struggled to find a reply. 

“Just come out with it. Please. ‘Cause all this up and down, and back and forth. I don’t know if I can take much more. It’s been driving me round the bend. I hate reaching out towards you and feeling you pull further away. Kills me. Hate feeling like there’s something standing between us. ‘Cause it’s never been that way. Not with me and you.”

My throat grew tight with tears, but I wouldn’t cry, not now. Not when it was me who had caused all this.

“I know.” I had to take a deep breath to keep them at bay. To hide the strain in my voice. I pivoted so that my knee folded beneath me and I could really see his face. He followed, taking ahold of my hands. “I know, and I am sorry. Truly. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier. That I let it get this bad. That I let you get so torn up. I didn’t even realise.”

Alex pulled me into an embrace, hand holding the back of my neck as I buried my face in his. Because that was the man Alex was, he put me above everything else. Including himself.

“It’s fine, sweetheart.” He hushed, thumb brushing over the top of my spine. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

I did know that. But still.

“I don’t want to lose you, Alex.”

That probably hadn’t been the best thing to say. Alex all but flung himself back, alarm swimming in his eyes as he levelled me with a long look.

“Lose me? What’s that meant to mean? Why would you lose me?”

A tear fell then, followed by a couple more. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, willing them away, hating the thought of seeing him so distraught.

“Y/n. Love. Please, you’re actually beginning to scare me now. Tell me what’s happened.”

I tried to look away. I didn’t want to do this, not here not now, but his fingers grasped my chin, tugging me back to face him.

A sob spilled from my lips and I crumpled slightly, his hands jumped up to my shoulders, struggling to hold me up.

“What could have you this worked up?” He stressed, shaking me slightly. “Just tell me, because all the fucking things I’ve got racing through my head. I- Put me out of my misery at least. Please.”

It took all the strength I had to peer up at him, eyes red and raw. “I want more, Alex. I want more than just this.”

After I’d said it, I wanted to take all my words back. The hurt that flashed across his face felt like a sharp slap to mine. He started to move, to stand. And I realised he was about to leave.

“Al. Alex.” I called, tried. Clutching at his arm. “Alex, please! Just listen, will you?”

He wasn’t having it. Shaking his head at me as he stormed his way out of the bedroom.

“I can’t believe you’ve just said that.”

It was like a punch to the gut, hearing the upset that lined his voice. His back was to me as I chased after him, I’d ever seen him like this.

“I didn’t mean it! Not like that! Not in the way it sounded.”

“Like fuck you didn’t mean it, Y/n!” Alex shouted, and I caught a glimpse of his face when he went to tug his jacket off the hanger by the front door. 

I could count the times I’d seen Alex cry on one hand. But right then, there were tears in his eyes.

“Alex.” I pleaded with him.

A deathly silence fell between us, I watched his shoulders sag before he turned back around towards me. I wanted nothing more than to hold him again. Take away all his pain, the pain I’d caused.

“If you leave right now, I’ll never forgive you.” I choked out, “Please don’t leave. Please.”

He stared at me. Long and hard.

“Tell me the truth then.”

His voice was nothing but a strained whisper. He looked so tired, arms slumped helplessly by his sides.

I swallowed thickly. Hands fisted against my chest.

Alex scoffed at me then and ran a hand over his face, rubbing at his stinging eyes. He shook his head and went for the latch.

I felt my eyes fall close. It was now or never, I supposed. He was leaving either way.

“I want a baby, Alex.”