#it was supposed to have more cans but i lazy
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"I thought you'd be back by 11."
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt casey jr#casey jr#casey jones jr#krow jones#holopossums#okay originally the vibe was supposed to be more 'looks like a gang leader'#but when i showed the sketch to people some started commenting-#on him looking like he was waiting on someone coming home#i mean. he does have pissed wife energy i will say that much#what can i say it's a good look for Krow ^_^#no i didn't draw his tats this time i got lazy#i keep on doing moody looking things idk i like it#becoming really fond of making the figure become part of the dark background sometimes#it's so edgy and mysterious
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dedicated to the audience: me, myself, and Iā I finished the discarded sketch
#another idea i had that never goes through: post-tristamp ww who lost vash meets post trimax vash who lost ww#i wasn't mean enough to do it#nah i lied i honestly would but i got too lazy to draw that and settled with this instead HAHA#tired guy can get a treat. meets his partner's adjacent but lil-ify. who gets concerned for him the first thing he sees#breaks his heart even more wondering how his ww would react if he could see him now. and knowing lil guy will also get the impending doom#and we have lil guy who gets a treat to see his partner's hair not the blonde he'd always known and loved#who cries when asked and never gets an answer#sorry i ramble too much this is supposed to be silly but i ended up overthinking it#myuminjiart
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Cross's assumption is correct, that's exactly what I'm implying. So be a good boy and lay down pls :3
Cross: you-
Killer: implying what?
Cross: that they're gonna break my leg
Killer: .
ā Damage Count ā
999999999
999999999
999999999
999999999
#cross sans#killer sans#anon#bandages#violence#knife#murder#threats#death#the symbol on the anon shirt is supposed to be a leg with a crack running through the middle#Ink and Killer being so different yet so similar the beloved#they're both such powerhouses but Ink deals no DAMAGE ever while Killer always deals disproportionate amounts of DAMAGE#the only reason there's not so many more nines on the DAMAGE COUNTER is cuz i'm lazy tbh#found family being protective the beloved#Killer would probably find a way to stab someone even if both his arms were broken which they're not even damaged here so#plus anything Killer can get his hands on he can throw with deadly (literally and figuratively) aim#he can pluck big enough arrows straight from their path not because i think it's realistic in any sense of the word#but it's funny to imagine Dream having to downsize his arrows#so this horrible thing couldn't literally YOINK them out of the air like a baseball or whatever#queue
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Redraw of a shitpost from 2021. Looking at this and the original has me kinda floored at how much I improved
Og image + the og drawing ā¬ļøā¬ļø
fun fact a majority of the shitposts I made back in 2021, including this one, were with a mouse because I would make them during zoom calls so I couldnāt use my drawing tablet lmao
#im too lazy to make skeppyās skin more diamond like#but just know itās supposed to be shiny and have edges like a diamond#best I can do for a shitpost is sparkle freckles#still working on c!skeppyās design anyways#same for badās kinda#character on the right is my oc#I know this is gonna be kinda stupid since Iām making dsmp art#but dream stans dni i hate that ugly fucking groomer#same for George and sapnap fans#especially George fans#dsmp#dsmp fanart#dsmp badboyhalo#badboyhalo#badboyhalo fanart#bbh#bbh fanart#c!badboyhalo#dsmp skeppy#skeppy#skeppy fanart#c!skeppy#dsmp sona#dsmp oc#nonameisnthere#lynx oc#lynx posting#wanna make my own tag for my own version of the smp tbh
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get me out of here oh mt god
#I did this for fun but christ THIS IS EMBARRASSING AOQUWKR#LOOK AT MY EXECUTIVE MANAGER AND GUIDE... IM GONNA DIE.#limbus company#lcb#vergilius#dante#don't like how i drew the hands here but this was for fun as i said and vergilius' old man moe got me flustered#i think that's all that matterskwuwk2jqlqjw#THE NUMEROUS IMAGES I HAVE OD MADDSMIKK BC THATS LITERALLT MY FACE CANON FOR VERG IS ATROCIOUS.#rizdoodads#edit: adding more commentary actually. there's supposed to be more hand kissing just so you know#it was supposed to go from the palm -> wrist -> fingers. It's why in the first image you can see at like the top left part there's text#that says āstay quietā that and a bit more dialogue was actually part of that sequence but I got too lazy to finish it
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a āØļøbreak down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake š#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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iāve read so much fanfiction today i think my brain is actually rotting
#šŖ - mello talks too much#posting this on the main so that more ppl can see my shame#i was supposed to study all day#i probably have been on ao3 for 5 hours#probably like 7 actually#chat iām cooked for my finals#mello is in her lazy era#LOLOL
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ah lads this semester is not going well for me. the adhd caught up
#genuinely don't think i'm keeping my 4.0 this year#me looking at b's for some of my classes: this is a complete and total failure#it does feel that way ngl but i'm trying to stay objective. like i'm not flunking anything#i just haven't really felt passionate about sciencing i suppose. been more into mass effect and art#and it's kind of been a doozy mental health wise. and chio...#ah well :( it is what it is all i can do is keep moving forward#i am tragically lazy and commitment averse. i wish i could just have fandom stuff as my job LOL
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Ohhh for the drawing requests could you do Margaret Moonlight? shes my fave! glad to see other nmh heroes fans
Here she is! Her theme slaps so hard tho
#the colouring looks rlly wrird this wad the first time of me trying digital painting if that can even be called that#margaret moonlight#no more heroes#my art#fanart#also wonky lineart this was a quick drawing#rlly sorry to you adker for how bad this turned out lol#request#requests are open#i omly have the first game but the character designs are so peak it's insane#her leg was supposed to be a cool fast moving leg fade but i got lazy im sorry#nmh#no more heroes 2
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THEYRE DONE. THEYRE DONE (EXPLODES
sooo uhhmm im making a whole bunch of proper character refs in preparation for artfight next month and i already had bits and pieces for all three of my loathing guys so i knocked em out first. including my WoL girlie who ive never rlly posted abt before. grins
im gonna blab abt them a little more mostly just things i couldnāt fit into the sheet proper and i wonāt go Too INTO into the story things i have for them. maybe ill talk about them more another time but. aheem heem. under the cut thatāll go
JOHNNY GOLDSMITH
Jazz Agent, protag of my (almost. herngh) max shadow taint + curse run that I still havenāt finished. Private investigator, sleazy loser, enjoyer of fine shades. The P.I. part comes in with a missing person case that doesnāt really go anywhere. Donāt worry about it. He may or may not be doomed to destroy all of eternity at some point leading to an endless loop of resurrection and re-destruction but we arenāt quite there yet so ssshhh we stay stilly abt it <3
Notable Perks: Ambition, Insectologist
Companions: Alphonse Gator, Simone Chekhov
GRIZZLY MAYNARD
Cow Puncher, protag of my first successful hard hat run (and potential protagonist of a one-day hard hat run if I ever do one of those because i am too attached to her oops). Normal farm girl turned Literal Demonā¢ after she gets a little silly and makes a deal with the Hellcows to protect her family should they start going east that basically boils down toĀ āIf you canāt beatĀ āem, joinā emā. Sheās not evil but she mightāve accidentally started that aforementioned endless loop by screwing with Ancient Evils stuck in a stupid-looking hat. #girl
Notable Perks: Boon of Duke Bovicus, Cowrrupted, Honorable
Pardner: Doc Alice
HUGH WILLOUGHBY
Cheese Wizard, protag of my initial blind run of Shadows and. aheem. future protag for a 100% max difficulty run. My explanation for them being here twice isĀ ātime loopā. Just a simple pyrokinetic trying to survive who is ever-so-slightly doomed to be permanently lost to time and space and then be erased and recreated ad infinitum thanks to the meddling of some schmoe with a grease gun and stupid sunglasses. If you even LOOK at them with a hint of ill intent they will start trembling like a chihuahua . sorry
Notable Perks: Checkered Past, Cryptobotanist
Companions: Molly Buttons, Barker
#soup art#loathing tag#shadows over loathing#west of loathing#hugh tag#johnny tag#grizzly tag#i am so cringe i am so free I AM SO FREE!!!!!!!!!!#someday i'll also talk abt the more original story i have for these guys . but not today . oops#juggles them like a bunch of hacky sacks . i love them i love them sm . ok#tteeechnically hugh's supposed to have a second design but . i am simply too lazy to make it. so that will have to wait#i still have to finish johnny's run too ueueueue#all these guys will be up on both artfight and toyhouse as soon as i can manage heehee
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I wanna take a crack at making some fake screenshot graphics for my Sif Odile duo loopers au but I do not feel confident enough in my ability to mimic isat's art style and I also have a crippling fear of drawing backgrounds
#rat rambles#stars posting#I wanna make a thing for odile's parallel scene to the bathroom scene were sif forgets odile's name#but it takes place in the traps room by the wood carving tools which isn't the worst room to have to draw ig but I still dont want to#I could just take the lazy route and just sketch the scene so I can get it out of my head and I probably will#but at the same time I also should draw more stuff with backgrounds even if it makes me want to throw up and cry#but yeah the scene is basically just odile having a derealization moment while thinking abt the wooden odile carving sif made for her#just her looking at it and feeling nothing and trying to look ahead at siffrin expecting to be reminded of what it's supposed to make her#feel and just being met with the same emptyness in her chest as she can barely even recognize the person in front of her until they look#back at her and their expression shifts into a extremely concerned one#does that make sense? idk if Im explaining it well but I hope it makes sense#but yeah smth smth them becoming less real to eachother overtime much to the horror of both#also unrelated but I need to start rotating loop in this au in my head more theres so much to work with here#I have some vague ideas and thoughts but I have been too odile brained to properly elaborate on those in my head#Im honestly just glad Ive finally made an au that I can actually get invested in fleshing out#I havent rly found a good headspace to rly play around with the main cast but this is actually giving me smth to chew on#usually most thoughts I have abt isat just lead to me thinking abt my ocs lol#regardless Im having fun with this au and I hope that I can bring myself to commit to it#also Ive been trying to think of a decent name for this au and Im half tempted to call it from the top or smth but I feel like Im tempted#to call like every story I make that so Im on the fense abt it#especially since thats what Ive been planning on calling the prologue for spiraling upwards#not that I cant just do both but I wanna see if I can think of any alternatives
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she asked her what she studied, what she read so late at night, the thoughts that filled her notebooks, and the stars that filled her eyes.
#IDEK IF THIS EVEN IS A SILRID SONG I DON'T GO THERE I JIST VISIT SOMETIMES AMSMSM#whatever guys we have sapphic silrid that's all i got today#my Other silrid song is more silver than riddle so this one is more riddle than silver#twst#comics#silrid#my art :>#errrm. i will not tag this i'm lazy#no alt text#I DON'T LIKE THIS BUT I PUT EFFORT IN SO THE REST OF THE WORLD CAN SEE IT I SUPPOSE#uuuugh idk!!!#I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THE NAME OF THIS SONG FOREVER GUYS IT STARTED PLAYING ON AUTOPLAY SO I SCRIBBLED THIS REALLY FAST AJFJF#will work on my handwriting i prommy āļø
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thereās so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but iām just too sick, i have no energy, i canāt sleep, iām constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, iām stressed and irritable and impatient and panickyā¦ā¦.how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i canāt even manage this when i donāt have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although iām now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever iām in remission itās nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with āflaresā#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but thisā¦ā¦.thereās no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#iām a little concerned about my joints tho. theyāve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so iām kinda worried iām developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if thatās happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv iām seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#iāve done that before but itās been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i canāt even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#āoh youāre so lucky you donāt have as many obligations because youāre chronically illā ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasnāt diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. āvery lazy and complaining a lotā#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher whoās supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didnāt go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#iām just rambling now because i canāt sleep and i donāt wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. thatās been keeping me entertained
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On the topic of Dazai finding out Akutagawa died:
It's probable that he absolutely knows, finding out while in Mersault. It would make a lot of sense if Ango notified him first thing (given that Ango was also the first person Atsushi told about what happened at the ship). Another situation would be Ango hiding this information from him in order to not give him more baggage while dealing with Fyodor, but this seems unlikely.
Dazai would feel guilty i think, because why would he feel "happy" that Akutagawa is not killing anymore if he didn't care at all about him?
He doesn't know Akutagawa comes back. And he's not going to make it to Japan in less than 2hrs, so he will find out he's alive way after the rest of the cast (unless he and Chuuya communicate with Mori or Ango in the meantime).
So, i think Dazai would not have the guts to face Akutagawa afterwards, because he's deathly allergic to admit he ever fucked up. There should be a re-encounter, and an apology, but it should not be warm. though it probably would be and i'd hate that
#bsd#bsd akutagawa#bsd dazai#i didn't even consider the possibility of Akutagawa dying being a part of the plan. Why? i think Dazai's character development would be for#nothing if that was the case. He's not supposed to be that cruel anymore (and i do believe he cares about aku to some extent)#anyway. other option is he dismisses the whole thing. which would be more in character but lazy writing imo. let him grow up and admit#that he fucked up. let him take responsibility#at best: we have an scene where aku thinks his life is disposable and that he was a nuisance. and atsushi reassures him with the#āyour life is valuable if you can save othersā card. which is the mantra he lives by. and also he very much saved atsushi that is a#significant thing that happened.#then the dazai youtuber apology comes in#at worst: Dazai never adresses all of this happening and i physically manifest into the story and kill him#dumb theory tag#lazutxt
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made the realization my vampire story would work best as a video game and now i can't stop thinking about it
#personal#like. vtm meets cyberponk. do you understand#it would be very focused on prioritizing... because you do play as a fully established character#but you get a bunch of jobs to take care of and you have to decide what you do first and most importantly how you solve it#you can combine certain jobs to do at once to save yourself time and effort but everything you do comes with consequences#if you ignore a problem for too long or deal with it poorly it will come back to bite you in the ass later. you can lose friends and such#basically you have it all from the start and then gradually like. work your way towards a single ending#locking yourself out of other paths because of the choices that you make etc etc and so on#friendships can help you out but they can also get in the way of other things so you have to think about like#how far you're willing to let yourself get distracted. but also no distractions is also a bad way to go at it because you'll end up alone#it would have a wide variety of endings but i suppose the 'canon' one would be the one where everything works out#because of the whole already established character thing. and also this is not real this is my story so i can do what i want#if it was an actual video game it wouldn't have a canon ending but it's never gonna happen so i can say it has a canon ending#but yeah you can play as heavenly the vampire hunter or as sun the vampire and then you get cool vampire abilities :]#i do like the idea of romance availability but they're different depending on who you play as#valentine can be romanced by both but he's a little brat so idk if you'd want that#isaac can only be romanced by heavenly because isaac is a gay man. valeska can be romanced by sun only because#valeska and heavenly are exes. so you can have a one night stand with her as heavenly and then she ghosts you LMAO#you can go into clubs... you can play carousel with npcs. it would be a very immersive experience#if you hang out at certain clubs too much then other vampire factions will be warier of you when you visit their club instead#you can forge alliances to be allowed into certain areas in town. you can disguise yourself. you have to hide your weapons#there's actual ways you can research locations or people involved in gigs so you can prepare yourself properly and potentially like#learn new things that open up a new way to deal with a situation#sometimes you have to wait until nighttime to be able to go somewhere because it's quieter around those hours. or vice versa#sometimes you have to wait a few days before someone can meet with you but if you miss the meeting you have to reschedule#and then you have to wait even longer. and some quests don't give you that much time so then you'd have to improvise#being spotted in a location can be dealt with by wiping security footage / killing the person who saw you. or just reloading your save#but if you've been spotted and you don't take care of it then that will ALSO have consequences. etc etc and so on#difficulty level in the game would determine how generous the game is surrounding stealth / time for quests / resilience of the guy you pla#and it wouldn't like. necessarily turn enemies into bullet sponges because that's lazy. it's much more fun to change other things
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#dont call anyone im safe im fine im just venting. tw for suicide/self harm/kind of intense language. ideally no ones reading this tho#bro i cant keep living like this#i dread waking up every day so much that i dread even falling asleep#i got insomnia medication in my system and my brain is still like nope absolutely not#i cant keep up at my job even when i am rested enough#i get headaches every other day#my instant mental reaction in the face of stress is to hurt myself (i have not)#like fuck. i work for the disability department of an insurance company#i know for a fact that (probably) every contract stipulates we wont cover disabilities as a result of self inflicted injuries#which is supposed to prevent ppl from taking advantage of the system or whatever#and im always like if someone goes to the lengths of actively injuring themselves to the point of disability#in the name of 'getting out of work'#that person is not 'taking advantage of the system' THAT PERSON IS FUCKING MENTALLY ILL#AND I WOULD KNOW BC I AM ONE OF THOSE PPL#do not come for me on some shit about wanting to disable yourself being morally questionable i cant be concerned abt that rn#i gotta focus on the fact that i hate my life so much id rather break my own right hand than continue it#its an improvement from the active suicidal ideation but its still a symptom of the passive ideation#fucking hell. im too self aware so i absolutely feel like im faking it or making shit up so i can be lazy and not work and whatever#but FUCKING CHRIST theres no way. if i had a choice i wouldnt let myself feel like this.#i just got to a point where i can live alone and support myself. i was so happy and so proud of myself. I don't want to lose that#but god every phone call i have to make for work makes me want to hurt myself. every early morning (and there arent many!!! i mostly work#from home!!!) makes me wish i was dead. i have to sleep for hours after work more often than not. i cant really maintain my living space#theres fucking. mold and discoloration and shit on a bunch of my clothes and some of my bags and shit!!#cause i cant fucking keep my room clean and my basement apartment got fucking humid over the summer and so much moisture got trapped#i constantly have dirty dishes getting moldy before i get to them#i just dont have the fucking energy. i want to take better care of my space. i want to be more social. i just want to go to sleep without#fucking dreading waking up. i wanna go a full week without a headache. i want my stress response to be something other than the intense and#overwhelming desire to cut myself. if i start again i dont know if ill be able to stop and i know i wont be able to keep it to my arms/legs/#easily hidden parts of my body. last breakdown i escalated to my face and i know ill pick up from there.#fuck
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