#it was something ignorant and lowkey biphobic

[makorragal-312]

Me: freaking out and on the verge of tears over Bi!Buck confirmation

My mom in the background: Oh, so they finally made them gay?

Me:

[obsessive-bear-walking]

So this post actively talks about sex below the cut. No one asked but here I go having a sexuality crisis lmao.

Like. So. I'm part of the mspec bi/pan -> aro pipeline. Because my ass could not tell the difference between friends I was sexually attracted to and romantic attraction. So I assumed I was mspec especially because I had romantic attraction to a girl for the first time when I was about, 13? Up until that point it was all men (or so I had thought at the time)

I've always been sexually attracted to men. I had my sexual awakening somewhere around 6 or 7.

I can identify crushes I had on fictional women/actresses(even more now looking back), but I could not tell you if I experienced sexual attraction to them. I can identify exactly four real/personally known women I have been romantically attracted to (but not sexually). These girls I had feelings for fell starkly into three categories 1. Alt (but its worth noting that I have always felt comfort in how alt fashion esp emo was extremely a, its something that made me feel safe dressing as when i was a confused trans preteen) 2. I can't explain but but like. High femme ig? Elle Woods. The girls from Teen Wolf, the girls from Shadowhunters. 3. Me as a woman (I'm not unpacking that though bye lol). My first girlfriend was a high femme nonbinary trans woman, my second girlfriend was high femme, one of my crushes was alt, and another was high femme. I was not sexually attracted to any of them.

My ex, who I was lowkey, hung up on detransitioned recently and completely changed her gender expression and pronouns from masc to femme, and I no longer experience any attraction to her.

I identified as bi/pan (swapped between them, but tbh when I did I'd as pan I was treated as bi) in middle school and high school before I realized that I was demiromantic and allohomosexual.

I had a friend in middle/high school who I thought about having sex with a lot, but I genuinely don't think it was attraction based? I used to think about like... giving her orgasms very neutrally. So I'm not sure if it was intrusive thoughts or just a servitude thing.

I'll admit, I kind of think both anuses and vaginas are gross. Orifices that aren't mouths are just kind of a no for me(I'm working on it), but I very comfortably imagined eating this girl out to orgasm very often and it was something I would be comfortable doing and even wanted to sometimes. I didn't get turned on by doing this which is kind of why I was thinking it was more of a servitude thing.

And sex acts/desire and attraction aren't the same things.

Also she was only only real woman I ever thought this about. Ever. I was not sexually attracted to nor desired any or the women I dated. They were both asexual and one was sex repulsed and the other was sex neutral and I'm very unsure whether or not we would have had sex of we were given the chance.

But the thing too is. Until I met my friend Huss I had never had a healthy relationship with a woman. Even my 10 year relationship with one of my female friends has only started to become healthier.

Everyone who lives in my house is a woman, and abusive towards me. I'm also the scapegoat for a lot of things. It's easier to blame me for resisting my dad's abuse then to admit he's abusive and it's my fault my relationship with him is bad etc etc. My longest relationship with a woman was so abusive that I am still recovering from it.

All my relationships with men (except for my father) have been healthy for the most part. And the only one that left me with huge after affects was my father and even that has never affected my interpersonal relationships.

Girls at my school devoured me and the boys ignored me or when they were nice it was genuine.

The friend I used to think about having sex with parentified me to such an extreme degree. She made all her decisions my problem and was very biphobic and a lot of other things. We ended our friendship because she just dropped me for some unknown reason. A few months after asking me for advice, not taking the advice and then blaming me for "letting her" do that. She didn't live in the same state as me wtf was I supposed to do? Tie her to a chair? I told her it was a bad idea and she said I was wrong, then BLAMED ME for her doing it. Then flat up abandoned me after I had to build my life around her.

For about 10 years of my life I was terrified of women. Like scared shitless and would actively avoid them and panic.

So I'm just like. Was I sexually attracted to women at some point but it got beaten out of me or something? I'm only romantically attracted to women who can't come near me 90% of the time. (I mean, nit actively, but I'm thinking. Perhaps that's why???) Jeez. Perhaps I'm just a caedhomosexual.

Being a human is too much.

[bisexualsdeservebetter]

help, my roommate-to-be (college) is so fucking pretty and I’m just crushing so hard but she seems to maybe have some biphobia???

so, context: future roommate (I’ll call her ‘Amy’) is super cool and interesting and attractive, and we’ve been casual friends for a few years. her most recent partner (I’ll call them ‘Eden’) ID’d as lesbian for a long time (I actually knew ‘Eden’ for like two years before I met ‘Amy’, though ‘Eden’ and I fell out of contact about a year ago) and the two of them were a very cute couple that I lowkey idealized as a young wlw relationship. sometime in the past year, ‘Eden’ came out as nonbinary, and ‘Amy’ was generally chill and supportive from what I could tell. however, they ended up breaking up soon after because ‘Amy’ found out that ‘Eden’ was cheating on her. with a guy, at that, and ‘Eden’ apparently said something along the lines of “what, you just want me to ignore that I’m attracted to guys too?!?” when confronted about cheating. sooooooo, yeah, ‘Eden’ perfectly embodied that harmful stereotype of the “cheating bisexual” and now ‘Amy’ is kinda weird about bisexuality. like, she won’t say anything explicitly negative, but she’ll make the occasional off-feeling comment and I’m just internally confused by my feelings regarding her.

I didn’t find out about most of this stuff about ‘Eden’ and their breakup until ‘Amy’ and I started discussing potentially rooming together in college, but it’s just really uncomfortable to have a friend/roommate who is quietly biphobic while I am bi. but I also can’t 100% blame her, because she does try to support bisexuals but is just still dealing with her ex-partner cheating and using their bisexuality to defend said cheating. and I??? I don’t know what to do??? I really like ‘Amy’ and I can understand how she (justly) feels wronged, but also ‘Eden’ was like a one-in-a-thousand bad representative of bisexuality. and even if I don’t end up asking her out, I don’t want to leave her just stewing in this negative experience to strengthen/develop biphobic ideas.

sorry for the long rambling pseudo-essay, but I’m having a bit of a crisis about my first “real” crush (I’ve had fleeting, surface level attraction before, but this just feels different/more intense) and don’t know how to deal with any of this. please advise.

This is a tough situation.

It's definitely a good thing that she's not gone like full-blown bisexual, and of course she absolutely was the victim in that past relationship. Eden sounds like uh, the worst! And I'm very sorry for your friend that she wound up getting involved with and hurt by a person like that.

I think for Amy, it's gonna be an issue of when she is personally comfortable dating a bisexual person again. And I think that if you do decide you want to act on your feelings, you two should probably have a conversation about her comfort level with things, and how you can work together to make sure it's a healthy relationship.

This is difficult, because I can definitely understand why she might be a little disillusioned with bisexual women after that, but at the same time, like you said, Eden was 1 bisexual person who turned out to be the absolute worst. I think it's kind of a matter of Amy coming to terms with the fact that Eden does not at all represent the majority of bi people, but also, if she isn't comfortable dating another bisexual after that experience, that is of course her own boundary and it should be respected.

I think it's good that Amy doesn't malign bisexuality and that she still tries to support bisexuals even though she was (recently, I assume) hurt very badly by a bisexual person.

If you decide not to act on your feelings, honestly I think the best thing you can do for her is just being a good and honest friend. Assuming she knows you are bi; I think that having a supportive, trust worthy bi friend will probably be helpful to her.

And as I said before, if you do decide to act on your feelings, I think that the two of you should really prioritize communication, because I imagine she will probably have some lingering insecurities and trust issues.

Whatever you decide to do I wish both you and Amy the best, and I hope that your roommate situation (if not relationship as well) work out well for both of you.

[ratt1cus]

unpopular opinions of mine no one cares about but i’m gonna say it anyway bc this is a hellsite and i yell as i please:

-dnd actually really sucks, i can’t stand sitting around doing that boring shit for 8 hours forced to be with people, just play skyrim my god

-lowkey kinda tired of seeing a beautiful oc from an artist i love and i look and it’s their 12782949420388430292983482020th dnd oc and i sigh and nod bc i love them and their interests are cool but pls

-I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND THE DND HYPE OKAY

-i dont like it when people take a character, then change its race/sexuality/gender and then claim ‘fixed it’ or ‘this is canon now’ (headcanoning is cool, but saying you ‘fixed’ a character or just completely ignore canon is disrespectful to the creators yall)

-i hate when people on this site trivialize actual mental disorders and illnesses like they’re some kinda game every single one of you knows what i am talking about

-i’m of the belief no one on this hellsite understands what the term ‘diagnosis’ means

-like actually yall self dx is FINE until you are IDing as something you either haven’t been diagnosed for or your therapist doesn’t strongly believe you have/suffer from

-aka self dx is only useful for if you cant afford therapy and make use of general community information in said community as a way of self-help and self-care, but you shouldn’t be IDing as that until you have input from a professional because especially in psychology a lot of shit can overlap and present as one thing and be a whole other (example DID presenting as BPD or vice versa) and you may very well be harming real people with said illness/disorder if you do not have it

-please stop erasing bi people in fiction and literature and shipping them ONLY in same sex relationships, they are bi. this is such a huge fucking issue. let us be in other sex relationships just as much as you love to erase us as lesbian or gay only in same sex relationships tunglrdotcom please

-pansexual is wonderful label and useful in situations of physical appearance not being a factor in attraction (as i have seen it used on occasion) or just if you are more comfortable with such label, but if the reason you ID as that instead of bi is because pan is ‘trans/nb inclusive’ and bi isn’t or because of ‘hearts not parts’ then you’re a stinking biphobe and need to stop and think about your decisions

-thick people are attractive and beautiful as FUCK but please be healthy. my mother had get her stomach cut in half because she was overweight and at too high a risk for multiple health issues. it is serious, be beautiful and confident AND mindful of your health.

[kinkymagnus]

Hey this is the anon about book malec! Basically your views on book malec are pretty much the same as mine at least for the mortal instruments series. Idk I personally only really started to like book alec in city of Heavenly fire. Since you barely got through tmi I am assuming you haven't read tda. Basically they are healthier and they have both accepted and even joke about immortality and talk about their pasts. But yeah I also think book Alec was douchey in tmi so I get where your coming from

under the cut again lol sorry

once again this is. probably not explained well. but. i’ll try.

well i read all of the original tmi but that’s it, and honestly, i never started liking book alec. i can’t stand him. i think the only book character i liked less than him (of the ones we were supposed to like, i mean) was book jace, but i’m not a huge fan of either version of jace, so… although i honestly the only one i even sort of liked was magnus and even he was… not great sometimes.

plus, in later books, alec completely did a 180 and became sort of a stereotypical “sassy gay friend”? it was another sort of “oh great, yet another lowkey homophobic thing from the straight woman author who’s done Literally Nothing Right” you know? plus like…. there was a lot of things with malec where like, alec would say something that obviously hurt magnus’s feelings, or magnus actually reacted to, and then it was… brushed off? alec never apologized and it’s not talked about again? that’s not how you build a healthy relationship, and you cna’t really have a healthy relationship until you fucking communicate. trying to build a relationship on top of that without even trying to fix it is a Bad Idea.

(then again, a LOT of interesting or needed stuff involving them or their relationships was ignored or never written. i mean like, that ENTIRE thing with magnus’s heritage and that time he literally compared himself to satan. never talked about again! somehow, all those important insecurities and fascinating character exploration is just never really talked about again. never!)

honestly, though, i’ve read about the other books (which i know isn’t exactly the same but i just can’t make it through any more of cc’s writing–i don’t like the style, the characters, the plots, or basically…….anything…..) and i am not impressed like, at all. 

not to mention, i don’t think they really can have a healthy relationship, just the way they’re written? but then again, i suppose a lot is open to interpretation since they were offscreen and written off for most of the books, and even in some of their most important scenes, often things were from someone else’s pov.

and all this? this is just the stuff pertaining to malec. this isn’t even getting into the many other issues in her books.

in other words: sorry, i hate cc and the books. i can’t support them. my posts are not for the book versions of the characters. it’s not like i gonna send hate to book fans or anything, and there’s nothing really wrong with enjoying the books if you like, know their flaws and shit? but a lot of them… don’t. (that’s again not getting into some other things that Book Fans™ do… not like, every book fan, but Book Fans™ you know?)

but honestly? i don’t really want book fans (mostly i mean like, the ones who are like “the books did nothing wrong!! alec isn’t biphobic!! magnus was the asshole for the breakup!!! a 17 yr old and an adult is totally cool!! book alec never did anything wrong!! book malec is such good rep!!” you know, the Book Fans™) following me. 

i mean, i don’t really want people reading my writing and picturing a blue-eyed, biphobic, bratty teenager and a creepy, glitter-soaked adult. maybe that’s petty, and it’s not like i’m going to go through my follower list and block anyone with book malec fanart, but it makes me very uncomfortable you know?? idk

[rainbowloliofjustice]

#I see more hatred towards gay people than anyone else.#the ‘hatred’ of pansexuals asexuals and aromantics is usually ‘youre biphobic’ or ‘no you can’t be ace if you experience attraction’#where the hatred of gay and bi people is like classic homophobia#I’m gonna regret reblogging this I just know it#but the post is too ironic not to reblog

Let's go ahead and address some stuff

This post was made in 2016, so about 5 years ago.

And let's go over some stuff that I saw (and still see) on this website towards non-gay/lesbian people. Not saying you specifically do any of these things, but since you asked...

1. "Straight people don't belong at pride" in reference to ace, pan, bi, etc. people being there in a manner that can be perceived as "straight" when it could really just be them and their partner or a friend/family member.

2. "Bihets", "Acehets", etc. or anything that basically implies that someone who is bi/pan/ace is in fact, somehow heterosexual or engaging in heterosexuality.

3. The fact that people think bisexual, pan and ace people can happily just "choose" to live a happy life in the closet and never have to worry about discrimination.

4. The people who think that bi/pan/ace people face no type of discrimination just because not being allowed to marry someone of the same sex just affects them in a different way. The right to marriage aren't the only LGBT+ issues.

5. People ignoring that ace people can and do face corrective rape and say that corrective rape is something that "only happens to lesbians" even though it can happen to anyone who has an "undesirable" sexuality.

6. The ace discourse. Seriously, pick any part of it and asexuals have been accused of withholding sex from partners and it being considered abusive, ace people are just straights who don't want to have children (even though having children is unrelated to sexuality), that ace people never have to worry about being kicked out because any parent would be glad their children aren't having sex (even though we legit have parents that try to force their children into relationships for the purpose of children and it can be especially disturbing/traumatic for people who are ace), etc.

7. Choose any radfem talking point about bisexual/pansexual women and how they're really just experiencing compulsive heterosexuality, shouldn't be allowed in WLW spaces and/or be allowed to talk about their attraction to men in them because they can go "literally anywhere else."

8. The fact that when bi/pan/ace people try to speak about inner communal issues they just get accused of being homophobic or have their experience with bi/pan/ace phobia invalidated by people saying "No it isn't really x, it's actually y.". Which is also just lowkey gaslighting and downplaying experiences as a means of trying to monopolize discrimination for oneself or think that only certain experiences are only happening to certain people. I.e when people say corrective rape only happens to lesbians, not gay men or ace people.

9. When bisexual/pansexual women talk about their discomfort with the increasing amount of radfem rhetoric in WLW spaces and how it makes them feel unsafe only to be told they're being lesbophobic for not wanting to share a space with people who either subtilty or overtly dislike them and/or parts of their sexual experiences and being told if you can't put up with that being made to feel unsafe by Lesbian Radfems (TM) and Radfem Lites (TM) then you don't belong in WLW spaces.

10. Whatever tf the discourse is about gay men really being misogynistic because they aren't attracted to women and how they have sex in a "heterosexual" way. There is also the fact that many people either ignore or discount experiences gay men have had because they are considered privileged for some reason and therefore face no discrimination whatsoever and are just the "straight people" of the community.

As a bonus, I'll throw in whenever bisexual/pan/ace people mention that they are uncomfortable or feel indirectly targetted by many of the malicious The Straights (TM) jokes only to be told if they feel targetted by it, then they must really be straight even though straight people are generally unaffected by those jokes and a lot of bi/pan/ace people have to deal with either directly or indirectly being told that they are straight especially if they are not in an expressly m/m or f/f relationship.

Another bonus, anytime someone headcanons a character who is generally headcanoned as lesbian within a fandom as bisexual, being told they're lesbophobic if they don't ship said character with whatever the popular ship is even if they like another, less popular f/f ship and being told they're erasing the character's sexuality to "make them straight" even though it is a headcanon and usually the character doesn't even have confirmed sexuality even though people can freely headcanon a character who is confirmed to be bisexual as exclusively gay/lesbian without much fuss and if that double standard gets brought up, generally bisexuals just get told to shove it in short words.

Tumblr’s hatred of The Straights is probably why they also hate bisexuals, pansexuals, asexuals, and aromantics.

[bisexual-books]

Prepub Review - Ramona Blue by Julie Murphy

Guess who managed to get their hands on an advance reader copy of the year’s most anticipated bisexual book? 

Before we start, all our book reviews contain MASSIVE SPOILERS and this one will be no different.  Which means if you want to read this book spoiler free when it is released in May, turn back now!   

Also, I have a LOT of thoughts on this book and how it plays into cultural narratives around non-monosexuality, so buckle up cuz this is gonna be a long one.  

Everybody ready?  Got a snack?  Lets do this thing.

The most important thing you need to know about Ramona Blue is that its not a story about a lesbian who is “cured” by straight boy dick.  Not even a little bit. Ramona flat-out says she is not straight and shuts characters down HARD when they make that assumption.  There is no way you can read this book and walk away with the conclusion that it plays into a homophobic trope of men “turning” lesbians unless you are just willfully ignoring both subtext and very explicit text.  

The connection between Ramona and Freddie (the straight guy) centers a lot of the emotional action, but it unfolds slowly and with a lot of deliberate choices.  It’s also an interracial relationship in which he teaches her about blackness as much as she teaches him about queerness.  The whole thing has a super social justice vibe about it.  The characters make mistakes and missteps, but they (and the reader) are allowed to learn from them.   The book is also grounded in the strong relationship between Ramona and her sister Hattie, creating something that is more akin to a classic coming of age story than a romance novel.  

Now let's go deeper.   

Bisexual feminist author Shiri Eisner writes a lot about how bisexuals operate in the gray area, the mushy middle, the space between homo/hetero.  We are inherently boundary busters and shit destabilizers.  I couldn’t help but think of her work while I was reading this book because at its core, Ramona Blue’s overarching theme is about finding oneself when your shit destabilizes and all that is left is the gray area.

That’s it.  That’s the theme.  This entire book is about boundary busting and category destabilizing.  

Ramona starts the book with a strong identity, not just as a lesbian but believing she knows exactly what the rest of her life will be.  By the end, she has moved into questioning not only her orientation but everything she had planned for life after high school.  For example, she starts the book absolutely positive that she is not going to college, not leaving her small town, and not leaving the trailer where she shares a bedroom with her flighty, pregnant, older sister. She believes fanatically that she needs to stay put, and provide for the new baby emotionally and financially.  She ends the book starting a pre-college program in another town after their trailer was destroyed in a tornado.  

The subtext here is about as subtle as a brick to the face.    

As far as her sexual identity, the book ends with her still unsure which label is right.  Her sexuality is woven into that larger theme via character development that is deliberate and thoughtful.  This book takes place over the course of a school year, giving Ramona plenty of time to examine herself and her options. And importantly, she ends the book liking herself despite her uncertain future on several fronts. 

Don’t get me wrong -- I would have loved it if Ramona came out as bi in the end.  Because I see Ramona as clearly bi (or some other flavor of non-monosexual).  I come to this conclusion not just because she dates/has sex with a dude, but because there are a few little moments where she appreciates boys in a way that her lesbian friend clearly does not.  She shares a profound emotional intimacy with Freddie in addition to overtly wanting him sexually.  And her responses to the pressure to ‘pick the gay side’ are familiar to anyone who has come out as bi.  But in the end, she doesn’t choose that word.  

However I want to make clear that Ramona Blue doesn’t fall into the trope of the missing B word.  She doesn’t react poorly to being asked if she is bi, she doesn’t insist that she just looooves people, doesn’t spit biphobia, put up with biphobic jokes, or wax about how she just doesn’t like labels.  Murphy doesn’t treat it as an unspeakable thing.  Ramona is considering if she is bi, but she just doesn’t know.

And that is okay.   It is okay to be questioning.  It’s ok to write books about teens who are questioning where they end the story still questioning. The problem I often have with bi representation is that questioning stories go to ridiculous lengths to avoid the word ‘bisexual’, or handle bisexuality in biphobic ways.  Ramona Blue does none of this.    As much as I want more explicitly bi literature, there is also a lot of value in this kind of questioning story because it is so rarely explored in ways that are this deliberate and well written.   I appreciate Ramona Blue opening up a place in YA lit for a questioning story that is thematically sound and handled with such delicacy.

In queer culture, questioning is often portrayed exclusively as the stop between straightsville and gay town, but the reality is so much more complicated than that.  For so many bisexuals, questioning comes around again after first identifying as gay or lesbian.  For so many bisexuals, we continue questioning even when we pick a bi label.   For so many bisexuals, questioning is always asking if they are ‘bi enough’.  The bi experience of questioning is different than the gay/lesbian experience with questioning.  

This book is touching on some of that difference and that complexity.  It is destabilizing the neat tidy categories of gay and straight.  I can understand that for monosexual people that can be scary and cause them to react in knee-jerk defensive ways to protect their own privilege.  It can be offputting to read a book that centers questioning through a nonmonosexual queer lens instead of a ‘traditional’ gay/lesbian one.  

I believe that is what is behind the rush of lesbians (who haven’t read the book) and would much rather deny the complexities of non-monosexual experience and instead label this book as ‘lesbophobic’.   This book is only lesbophobic if you believe anyone who identifies as a lesbian should be forced to only/always be a lesbian because there is no room for questioning once that label has been applied.  

Reading Ramona Blue made me remember Adam Silvera speaking at the Andersons YA Lit Con in 2016 about how he is so often assumed to be a gay author because he writes so many gay characters, but he too is questioning.  He’s not sure if he is bi, but he’s become less comfortable over time with saying that he’s gay when he himself doesn’t know.  That is exactly the feel Ramona Blue is going for.  

So to sum up, Ramona Blue is not lesbophobic unless you’re a giant biphobe, has great depth and themes, and it fills a much-needed gap in the YA queer lit canon.    The end result is a smart and enjoyable read. 

- Sarah 

PS: Because the last time I talked about this book we got a rash of threatening, cruel, biphobic, and generally fucked up asks, they’re temporarily turned off.  If you have a response to this review, reblog it and own it publically.   Because I’ve removed your option to lowkey tell me I deserve to be coercively raped fuckface

[marvelingjules]

It’s kind of been popping into and out of my mind lately, and I kind of just need to... babble about it. And there’s not really many people outside of the internet I can babble with about it. So. Pardon this.

I don’t really feel much need to, like, do the “coming out” thing to people in my life. If it comes up, I don’t hide it - apparently, especially if I’ve been drinking; Cousins Night a la Thanksgiving 2015 proved that very well - and I don’t, like, avoid the subject of finding girls absolutely fucking cute like wow just as much as boys can be hella adorable like jeeez.

I’m bi, and it’s as much a fact of my life now for me as “I like to read” and “I work two jobs and go to Grad School full time.” It’s not something that I feel I need to go around announcing, but if it comes up in conversation I don’t think too much about just letting it be a simple thing, if that makes sense. (I mean, I don’t talk about it at work; I consciously censor myself on that, but that’s more because I don’t bring my personal life into work, so. I just don’t really think work - and work friends, usually - need to know about my relationships or lack thereof.)

But... I’ll admit there’s, like, one person that I’m lowkey afraid of finding out about it. Because I love her to absolute pieces, and part of me is like “She would never hate you or treat you differently because you happen to also like girls, not just boys” but another part.... Even typing this, my heart’s going faster and my throat is tighter and it’s stupid but I kinda want to cry?

Three or four times last time we hung out, she made the comment with a laugh “People probably think we’re lesbians.” Because we hug a lot, because we don’t get to see each other often, because how silly is that thought, that either of us could like girls. And she’s made comments about a character from a book series we read in high school - consistent comments since high school that have never changed tone - that happens to be a bi character. (Or was, till the damn author pulled a bit of that biphobic card of “No, I just didn’t want to admit I was gay, so I slept with women too, even though textual evidence all implies I enjoyed both very much, no, I was truly gay all along!” Just... I mean, I don’t know, I’d assume that maybe that does happen in real life, but also, it just seemed like such a cop out in the story? idk. Whatever.)

She doesn’t like him, basically? Because he’s bi. Because he should either be gay, or like women. Because he sleeps with both. He’s her “least favorite” because of this, is what her remarks and comments always come down to.

Do you... I’m sure some of you do. Understand, how terrifying it can be to love someone so much (platonically, we’ve always been in the “I love you completely and platonically) and to also be so fucking unsure that she won’t... stop loving you like that, because you’ve heard enough hints of biphobia from her over the years to know that she’s... consciously or not... not okay with what you are.

Not that she knows it’s what you are.

Because maybe this is the one person you need to actually come out to, but you don’t know if you ever can.

It’s just... most of the time, I can ignore it. Except more and more lately, every time we manage to hang out, rare though it is, or even talk, I just... have this knowledge sitting heavy in my mind, and it’s horrible, and I hate how it makes me want to avoid her, and also how it makes me want to hide this part of myself from her forever. Neither’s fair to either of us. But I genuinely am not sure what’ll happen if I do tell her, and I treasure her friendship so much I don’t want to chance losing it.

[degrassinc]

DEGRASSI NEXT CLASS S3 RECAP

WARNING: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS

First let me talk about the various issues they went over this season. Depression, Suicide, Abortion, Homosexuality, Religion, and many more. If i forgot anything please add!

I’m going to talk about Maya’s depression / attempted suicide first since that was one of my favorite storylines. First, kudos to Olivia Scriven, she is an amazing actress and I loved the way she portrayed Maya this season. You see Maya is becoming distant from her friends, her family, she stops writing songs, she skips school, and overall just becomes more rebellious. She does befriend one person this season, Saad, who is a Syrian refugee. Saad is a photographer and Maya models for Saad, they mostly take pictures that are very dark that relate to death. When Grace blocked Maya’s number it broke my heart.Oh and also this line really was amazing “I know you want the old Maya back but I don’t think she’s in there” that actually broke my heart. And then when she was telling her mom she needed help. Good job to Maya for taking that first step but she doesn’t listen to the doctor’s advice to go to therapy. When Maya was spending that last day with her mom and Katie it made me so sad and then when she grabbed all those different pills from the medicine cabinet. i was just anxious the whole time. The day of the play is when Maya tries to commit suicide, she goes on to the bus that crashed takes many different pills and puts her headphones on. I actually started crying at this point because I thought that would be it but she does wake up. She then proceeds to go to the roof, I assume it was to jump off but she ends up overdosing on the pills. Zig and Esme find her on the roof  and y’all this scene was so emotional omfg. When they were at the hospital and the kids were talking amongst themselves. Someone said (pretty sure it was Grace) “I knew she was sad but I didn’t know she was capable of this” I loved that the Degrassi writers put this in here because in real life a lot of people would be exactly how they were. They would assume that things weren’t actually that bad and so not really look at all the signs. Luckily, Maya ends up being fine.

Okay now I’m going to talk about Lola’s abortion. Lola has sex with Miles and she has been taking birth control the wrong way so she ends up getting pregnant. When she takes the pregnancy test she lies to Frankie and Shay and tells them she isn’t pregnant because she was planning on getting an abortion. When Lola was trying to ask Miles for a ride but he was basically blowing her off (not really his fault because he didn’t know why) it really hurt my heart. Luckily Yael accompanies her to the clinic and she gets the abortion done. Later when Yael and Lola are presenting in class, Lola mirrors her phone to the screen and her searching up where / how to get an abortion pops up. This is when Lola decides to do a video on her getting an abortion. I love that Frankie and Shay were comforting Lola about her decision. When Miles finds out that Lola had an abortion I wish they would’ve talked or something but nothing.

Rasha’s and Zoe’s homoesexuality. Rasha is a new student at Degrassi who is a Syrian refugee. She is living with Goldi who is kind of homophobic. I don’t really want to use that word for Goldi because it’s just ignorance not actual hate. Rasha is scared of coming out since she is living with a conservative muslim family. Oh and y’all I am LIVING for Rasha and Zoe’s relationship, it makes me so happy. Zoe comes out during a speech that she was giving as the student president. When Zoe and Rasha were dancing at Zoe’s moms wedding and Zoe was telling her mom she wasn’t going to pretend to be someone she isn’t I was just like YAASSS

Rasha and Goldi’s religion. Rasha and Goldi are both muslim. Goldi is a more conservative muslim while Rasha is a more liberal muslim. I liked how they showed that not all muslims are the same. Rasha believes that you don’t have to follow all the rules (i dont know if this is the right terminology since I’m not muslim) of the quran to be a good muslim while Goldi believes you have to. Like how Goldi won’t give Winston a high five since you aren’t supposed to touch the other sex , or wearing a hijab. I love the scene where Goldi takes off her hijab and but then she immediately puts it back on because she feels its a part of her. Goldi and Rasha’s talk after was nice. Rasha talking about how she doesnt feel herself with the hijab and Goldi doesn’t feel herself without it.

RELATIONSHIPS!!

Rasha / Zoe - Literally one of my favorite couples now. They are soooo cute. Their dancing scene at Zoe’s moms wedding was amazing and hopefully they stay together

Zig / Esme- Started dating sometime in the summer before S3? I literally thought this was the most random couple but I don’t mind it. Zig was lowkey a douche for slut shaming Esme but they’re back on good terms now

Tristan / Miles- OTP OTP OTP OTP OTP. When Miles was in the hospital and kept telling Tristan “wake up wake up wake up” and Miles started crying like my fucking heart can’t handle this. And when Miles told Tristan “I love you don’t ever doubt that” literally cried so hard when he said that. After the play when Miles told Tristan about him hooking up with Lola I really thought that would be the end of their relationship but Tristan was really forgiving, I was surprised. TRILES IS ENDGAME that’s all I gotta say.

Tiny / Shay-  I feel like I’m one of the only ones who don’t care about this relationship that much. I don’t hate it but eh. It is cute how supporting Tiny is of Shay though.

Yael / Hunter- Okay this is another relationship I love but you see during the whole season their relationship is pretty rocky. I think they would be better off as just friends?? They pretty much act like just best friends now not like how an actual couple would act

Lola / Miles- Disgusting. Delete it. Wish it never happened. I do like their friendship though. Lola was one of the only ones who let Miles just talk about his feelings for Tristan.

Zig / Maya- Lowkey still like this relationship?? They didn’t have that much interaction this season but Maya did kiss him once but he rejected her because he’s dating Esme

Frankie / Jonah- RIP Fronah. lol I though this relationship was so random and I just didn’t like the relationship at all. I love Frankie but she was very clingy to Jonah and she’s very immature. I never liked Jonah?? something about him just throws me off. Glad they broke up

Jonah / Grace- So Grace likes Jonah now?? After him and Frankie broke up Grace lowkey asked him out. I don’t like this relationship either. Still not over Degrassi playing w/ our feelings by having Gracevas be a thing for .2 seconds but whatever

Issue I want talked about next season: BIPHOBIA

So Tristan is biphobic and I hate it becuase he’s my favorite character on the show. They’ve shown his biphobia for quite a while now but still haven’t addressed. ITS BEEN LIKE 4 SEASONS WYD DEGRASSI WRITERS!! I know it really couldn’t be addressed this season really since Tristan was in a coma for half of the season and couldn’t communicate much when he was out of the coma. Next season is Lyle’s last one so please don’t let me down degrassi writers. THIS NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED!!!

Oh and one more thing. I NEED MORE TRISTAN STORYLINES NEXT SEASON!!! ONES THAT DON’T HAVE TO DO WITH TRILES!! I love Triles so much but all they show is Tristan having boyfriend drama and Tristan has been on Degrassi since S11 next generation AND HE DESERVES BETTER.

I said that last thing would be all but can we talk about how great Tristan’s hair looks this season??? Like slay a lil. Okay byyyeee