#it was so satisfying to see the screen crash. to see the cables hanging on for dear life. the sparks running through the wreckage.

[flash-from-the-past]

Bash the Computer

[thelittlesttimelord]

The Littlest Timelord: The Death of the Doctor Chapter 18

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Death of the Doctor Chapter 18 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 18/? SUMMARY: The Doctor’s death is looming on the horizon and Elise is growing every day. What the Doctor doesn’t know is that he has 200 years to teach Elise all he knows. Amy, Rory, and River let Elise in on their secret, because River knows she will keep it. What will Elise do when he’s gone?

[A/N - And we are back! I hope you enjoyed the one-shots posted this weekend, but now we’re back on track with the story.]

The Ganger Doctor cried out in pain.

The sound broke Elise’s hearts. She started to walk towards him, but both the Doctor and Amy grabbed her arms and held her back.

“What's happening?” the Ganger Doctor cried out. He grabbed his head. “I wonder if we'll get back. Yes, one day. Argh. Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow.”

“The Flesh is struggling to cope with our past regenerations. Hold on!” the Doctor told him.

The Ganger Doctor spoke in a voice Elise didn’t recognize… “Would you like a jelly baby?” …before switching back. “Why? Why? Why?”

“Why, why what?”

The Ganger Doctor spoke in another voice. But this time Elise recognized it. “Hello. I’m the Doctor.”

It was him! The Doctor who saved her all those years ago. The one who held her tight as the Timelords were sucked back into the Time War. The one she barely got to know before she lost him.

“No, let it go, we've moved on,” the Ganger Doctor whimpered.

The Doctor rushed forward and grabbed the Ganger.

Amy rushed forward as well, but Jimmy and Buzzer grabbed her. Elise on the other hand, broke away and ran over to the two Doctors.

“Hold on, hold on, you can stabilize,” the Doctor told him.

“I've reversed the jelly baby of the neutron flow. Would you like a…Doctor, Doctor, I'm…I'm the…I can't…”

“No, listen, hold on. Hold on.”

“No!” The Ganger Doctor threw the Doctor off of him, but Elise stayed.

This Doctor needed help. Just like when he was dying in the Naismith Mansion. Just like he did when they crashed into little Amelia’s backyard.

The Ganger Doctor stood there with his hands over his ears. Elise stood next to him, a small hand on his back to let him know she was there.

The Gangers were still trying to get in. But then they suddenly stopped for some reason.

“I think I liked it best when they were being noisy,” Buzzer said.

“Doctor, we need you. Get over here,” Amy told him.

The Ganger Doctor straightened up. “Hello,” he said.

“Doctor!” Amy snapped.

“Cybermats,” the Doctor said.

“Do we have time for this?” the Ganger Doctor asked.

“We make time. I'd like more proof that you're me. Cybermats.”

“Created by the Cybermen. They kill by feeding off brainwaves.”

Amy walked back over to Cleaves and her team. The banging started up again.

“Rory and Amy, they may not trust both of us,” the Doctor told his Ganger.

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking?”

“Inevitably.”

“I'm glad we're on the same…”

“Wavelength. You see, great minds.”

“Exactly. So, what's the plan?”

“Save them all, humans and Gangers.”

“Tall order. Sounds wonderful.”

“Is that what you were thinking?”

“It's just so inspiring to hear me say it.”

The Ganger Doctor laughed. “I know.”

The Doctors looked down at Elise, who was smiling. “What?” they asked.

Elise giggled. “It’s funny. You’re like twins, finishing each other’s sentences. You do the same with River.”

“Do not!”

“Doctor, Elise, come on!” Amy yelled.

“So, what now, Doctor?” the Ganger Doctor asked.

“Well, time to get cracking, Doctor.”

They walked up to the group. “Hello. Sorry, but we had to establish a few ground rules,” they spoke in unison.

“Formulate a protocol,” the Doctor explained.

“Protocol? Very posh,” the Ganger Doctor said.

“A protocol between us. Otherwise…”

“It gets horribly embarrassing.”

“And potentially confusing.”

“I'm glad you've solved the problem of confusing,” Amy quipped.

“That's sarcasm,” the Ganger Doctor said.

“She's very good at sarcasm,” the Doctor told him.

“Breathe,” they said in unison.

“What?” Amy asked.

“We have to get you off this island. And the Gangers too,” the Doctor said.

“Sorry, would you like a memo from the last meeting? They are trying to kill us!” Cleaves told him.

“They're scared.”

“Doctor, we're trapped in here,” Amy reminded him.

“Right, See, I don't think so. The Flesh Bowl is fed by cabling from above.”

“But where are the earthing conduits?” the Ganger Doctor asked.

“All this piping must go down into a tunnel or a shaft or something, yes? With us?” He walked over and found a grating in the wall. “Yowza! An escape route. You know, I'm starting to get a sense of just how impressive it is to hang out with me.”

Elise rolled her eyes.

“Do we tend to say yowza?” the Ganger Doctor asked.

“That's enough, let it go, okay? We're under stress.”

They all filed into the tunnel. It eventually led to a corridor and they climbed out.

The Ganger Doctor held out his hand and Elise took it as she crawled out. They starting walking down the corridor, but Elise didn’t let go of his hand.

“The army will send a recon team out,” Buzzer told them.

“We need to find a way to contact the mainland,” Cleaves said.

“What about Rory and Jen?” Amy asked, “They are both out there.”

“No, this place is a maze. Takes a long time to find someone in a maze,” the Doctor said, “I bet you lot have got a computer map, haven't you?”

“If we can get power running, we can scan for them. Be a lot quicker,” Cleaves told him.

Everyone started coughing.

“Doctor, you said earlier to breathe,” Amy said.

“Very important, Pond. Breathe.”

“Yeah, well, I'm struggling to.”

“Acid interacting with the stone.”

“Creating an asphyxiant miasma,” the Ganger Doctor added.

“A what?” Cleaves asked.

“Choking gas. Extra heavy. If we can get above it…”

“The evac tower. It's this way,” Cleaves told them.

They made it to the evac tower and everyone could breathe easily again.

“You okay?” the Ganger Doctor asked Elise. She still hadn’t let go of his hand. Elise nodded.

“Oh. I think I coughed so hard, I pulled a muscle or something,” Amy said, “It's okay, it's better. It's easing off.”

The church bell started ringing as they ran for the controls.

Elise sat in one of the chairs as the two Doctors worked.

They kept popping up and down that it was hard to keep them straight. But they were both the Doctor, so it really didn’t matter.

“Can you really get the power back?” Cleaves asked.

“Oh, there's always some power floating around.”

“Sticking to the wires, like bits of lint.”

“Can you stop finishing each other's…?” Amy asked.

“Sentences?”

“No probs.”

“Yes.”

One of the Doctors pouted. “But Elise thought it was funny.”

The other rolled his eyes. “She always thinks we’re funny.”

“No, but hang on. You said that the TARDIS was stuck in acid, so won't she be damaged?” Amy asked.

“Nah…”

“She's a tough old thing. Tough, old, Sexy.”

“Tough, dependable, Sexy.”

“Come on,” Amy said, “Okay, how can how can you both be real?”

“Well, because we are. I'm the Doctor.”

“Yeah and so am I. We both contain the knowledge of over nine hundred years of memory and experience.”

“We both wear the same bow tie, which is cool.”

“Because bow ties are…”

“And always will be.”

“But how did the Flesh read you? Because you weren't linked up to it,” Amy said.

“Well, it must've been after I examined it. Thus, a new, genuine Doctor was created.”

“Ta-da!”

“No getting away from it. One of you was here first,” Amy told them.

“Well, okay. After the Flesh scanned me, I had an accident with a puddle of acid. Now, new shoes. A situation which did not confront me learned self here.”

“That satisfy you, Pond?”

“Don't call me Pond, please.”

Both Doctor’s looked at her.

“What?” she asked.

“Interesting. You definitely feel more affection for him than me,” the one who Elise and Amy assumed was the Ganger Doctor, spoke, “What about you, Ellie?”

“You’re both the Doctor, so it doesn’t matter,” she said.

“Look, you're fine and everything, but he's the Doctor. No offense. Being almost the Doctor is pretty damn impressive,” Amy told him.

“Being almost the Doctor's like being no Doctor at all.”

“Don't overreact.”

“You might as well call me Smith.”

“Smith?”

“John Smith.”

Elise smiled. So that’s why her last name was Smith!

“Yes! Communication a go-go.”

Cleaves ran to the console.

“Find Rory. Show me the scanning tracking screen,” Amy told her, “Come on, Rory, let's be having you.”

“There's no sign of him anywhere.”

“Come on. Come on, baby, show yourself.”

“Saint John's calling. Emergency Alpha. Saint John's calling the mainland. Are you receiving me, Captain? Come in.”

There was nothing.

“We'll never get a signal through this storm. Saint John's calling the mainland. Come in, this is urgent.”

Then a voice came through. “We're just about reading you, Saint John's. How are you doing? We've had all kinds of trouble here.”

“Request immediate evacuation. We're under attack. The storm's affected our Gangers. They're running amok.”

“Your Gangers?”

“Yes, our Gangers are attacking us. We need you to take us off the island immediately and wipe them out.”

“Copy that, Saint John's. Shuttle's dispatched. Hang on.”

“You'll need to airlift us off the roof of the evac tower. And Captain, any further transmission sent by me must come with the following codeword. I'm typing it, in case they're listening in.”

“Got it. We'll swing in, get you out and decommission the Flesh.”

“We've got to get out of here. We are, we're going to get out,” Buzzer said.

“We're not leaving without them,” Amy told him.

“I want them found too, but it's about casualties, innit? Can't be helped.”

Amy turned back to the Doctor. “What are you doing?”

“Making a phone call,” he said.

“Who to?”

“No one yet. It's on delay.”

“Right. Not getting it. Why exactly are you making a phone call?”

“Because, Amy, I am and always will be the optimist.” He spun in his chair. “The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.” He spun her around and turned back to the console. “The wheels are in motion. Done.”

Amy laughed and turned to face the Doctor who she assumed was the Ganger, going off his boots. “You know really there can be only one.”

“Hmm?” the Doctor asked.

“Oh, nothing. Carry on. Be amazing.” Amy stood up and walked towards a wall, but there was nothing there. She gasped and jumped back.

“Amy, what happened?” the Doctor asked.

She ran over to him and sat back down. “It's her again.”

“It's who again?”

“There's a woman I keep seeing. A woman with an eye-patch, and she has this habit of sliding walls open and staring at me. Doctor?”

“It's nothing.”

“Doesn't seem like nothing.”

“It's a time memory. Like a mirage. It's nothing to worry about.” He patted her on the knee and turned back to the console.

“It's in my head,” the Ganger Doctor suddenly spoke. He left the room.

“Hey, hold on,” Jimmy said.

“Don’t go!” Cleaves yelled.

“No, leave it to me,” Amy said, going after him.

[instantpatrolrunaway-blog]

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[jestbee]

For the one word prompt thing: ANDROIDS

[send me a one-word prompt to get your own fic!]

I mean, we all knew I’d write a 5+1 at some point, right? That’s kinda my thing.

This might be the most random thing I’ve ever written though. Continues under the cut.

The five things a robot version of Phil could do, and the one thing it couldn’t.

Tags: 5+1, humour?, 

Words: 1443

1.

“One day Phil, I’m going to replace you with a robot. It wouldn’t eat my cereal or leave socks everywhere.”

He’s bent over in the lounge, salvaging dusty socks from the dark recesses of under the couch. He straightens and tuts, tongue against his teeth.

Sometimes Dan just says things. He doesn’t mean them, he’s just liable to let his mouth run. Sometimes these things get him in to trouble.

As soon as he says it Phil just grins, twists his hand into the front of Dan’s sweater, pulls him flush up against him with a rare show of the hidden strength Dan knows he has and wishes he’d crack out more often, then kisses him deep, licking into his mouth with the kind of passion usually reserved for special occasions, or when Dan has done something particularly manly. 

“Your Phil-bot couldn’t do that though, could he?” Phil asks triumphantly. 

Dan is still stunned for a moment, lips red, mind swimming, but he gets it together enough to smirk back at him. 

“He might.” 

-

2.

Phil doesn’t let it go. Two days later he banishes Dan from the kitchen for several hours. There are clatters and bangs of metal against metal, the kind of clanging that only comes with shimmying pots and pans and god knows whatever else he’s doing. 

There are spices in the air, Dan sniffs at them, perplexed yet stomach rumbling incessantly. 

Two hours later Phil emerges with a feast, curry and side dishes, spiced potatoes, coriander rice steaming in a serving bowl, served with a flourish onto their dining table. Dan tucks in eagerly. 

When their plates are empty, forks and knives discarded on ceramic, Dan leaning back and contemplating how unattractive it would be to pop the top button of his jeans open to allow a little more room, versus the effort of getting up to find elasticated jogging pants instead, Phil looks over at him with a smug self-satisfied look. 

“Bet that that Phil android couldn’t cook you dinner like that.” 

Dan thinks that perhaps the subtleties of human taste buds wouldn’t actually be something a robot could handle, the nuanced flavour actual-Phil had managed to capture in the dish would be no match for the poor substitutes a robot-Phil could attempt, but he isn’t going to let on about that, is he?

“I dunno,” Dan shrugs as if the motion doesn’t pull on his full stomach and make him feel slightly nauseous, “cooking is basically science. Robots could follow a recipe. Bet it would make less of a mess in the kitchen too.” 

Phil’s face pinks up so that Dan knows his kitchen will be a right mess, but he doesn’t really mind.

-

3.

They’re in the middle of a liveshow the next time he brings it up. 

“So I’ve popped into Danny’s live show for a little bit,” Phil is saying, explaining why he’s next to Dan on the couch. He’d flaked last Thursday, because he didn’t want to bother with it, invented an excuse to ditch out. But then, in classic Phil style he’d felt bad about it so he’s crashing Dan’s stream instead. Not that Dan minds, it means he doesn't need to think as hard for what to say. He can basically chat to Phil and people will find it entertaining. 

“Do you think an android would be entertaining on a liveshow?” Phil is asking the chat. There are a lot of comments about how an android would be cool, but mostly the chat is being spamming with questions marks or with people wondering what the hell Phil is going on about. 

“I basically told Phil I’m replacing him with a robot,” Dan explains, grinning madly, “I think a robot would make a better housemate because it wouldn’t steal my cereal. What do you guys think? Do robots like cereal?”

There are some responses about how Phil should definitely not be replaced by a robot, and Phil is beginning to get that triumphant look in his eyes, like he’s won the non-argument they’ve been having over the whole Philbot thing. Dan doesn’t give up that easily. 

“I reckon a robot Dan and Phil would be better than the real thing,” he insists, “They’d never get old and you could programme them to do whatever you wanted them to do. Which.... yup, look at the chat... you pervs.” He pretends to shudder. 

The chat is clearly in favours of robot Dan and Phil. Dan looks over and Phil is pouting. They move on to other topics, but he can tell by the look in Phil’s eye that he knows he’s lost this round too.

-

4.

“Can you grab my phone charger for me?” Dan asks, slumped on their couch, back curved into the dip he’s spent time cultivating. 

“Why don’t you get your precious Phil robot to fetch it for you?” 

Dan rolls his eyes, Phil is pouting again and despite himself, it’s bloody adorable. “You know the Philbot isn’t a real thing don’t you?”

“Fine.” 

Phil gets up, dutifully padding through the flat to fetch the cable Dan knows he left plugged in next to his bed. He returns with it trailing behind him, tangling around his ankles threateningly. 

“See,” Phil says proudly, “I’m useful for something.” 

Dan nods and accepts the end of the charger he needs to plug into his laptop, makes a wheedling sound until Phil bends down to plug the other end into the extension cable. 

Once he’s done he makes to leave, smiling like he’s finally proved Dan wrong about the whole robot thing. 

“To be fair,” Dan calls after him, “Philbot would probably be the charger so... you know.” 

He hears Phil groan all the way down the hall.

-

5. 

They’re panting, laying side by side on their backs, limbs loose and splayed across each other. 

“That was... Mm... good.” Dan says inarticulately, his eyes are heavy lidded, sated and languid. 

“Yeah,” Phil replies, a little breathless. 

It’s always good. Especially in the middle of the day like this, when they should be doing something else. When they are shirking their responsibilities. 

“At least I found one thing I’m better at that the robot would be,” Phil suggests lazily, not even bothering to open his eyes. 

Dan laughs, his naked belly jumping with the movement, ankle still hanging over the edge of the bed.

“Phil... You’re good and all but... I mean, do you think you could actually compete with a sex robot?” 

“Ew, Dan!” 

“What?” 

“You’d replace me with a robot and then have sex with it?” 

“I mean...” Dan wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Ultimate stamina.” 

Phil rolls over suddenly, covering Dan’s body with his. “I’ll show you stamina,” he growls, kissing him fiercely. 

He gives it a good go, and Dan thinks at one point that Phil might even be able to manage it, even if Dan himself actually can’t. The idea of a never-tiring sex robot much more appealing in theory than in practise. In the end though, Dan doesn’t actually have to admit defeat because Phil concedes, rolling away with a seldom-heard curse word. 

“Keep your damn sex robot,” he grumbles. 

Dan just laughs, and pulls him close.

-

+1

It’s later on, and they’re curled on the couch, only mostly focusing on the subtitles across the bottom of the screen. 

“You wouldn’t actually replace me with a robot would you?” Phil asks, seriously.

“Don’t be stupid,” Dan responds automatically, before turning to catch the earnest expression on Phil’s face. 

“I’ve thought about it,” Phil says quietly, “I don’t think I’d want to replace you. Even if a Danbot would be on time to everything, and would let me buy all the stupid animal shaped household objects I wanted without judging me.” 

Dan can’t help the fond chuckle that starts in his chest, the one that tugs on his heartstrings. 

“Stupid man,” he says, sliding an arm over Phil’s shoulders and tugging until he’s sprawled in Dan’s lap, long limbs all gangly and awkward but somehow finding a way to be comfortable. “Of course I wouldn’t.”

“Good.” Phil nods determinedly, “I don’t want to be replaced by a robot.” 

“Phil,” Dan says softly, leaning to brush his lips against his forehead affectionately, “I love you. I’d never replace you.” 

Phil sighs, and Dan knows it wasn’t really bothering him, but sometimes an idea just eats away at you a little bit, no matter how absurd it is. 

“I love you too,” Phil sighs and presses his forehead into Dan’s abdomen, close and warm. 

“And that,” Dan replies, running a hand through Phil’s hair, “Is the one thing the robot definitely can’t do.”

[thebiscuiteternal]

Shiran with them playing altean chess

Behold, Part one of the rewritten Return of Smooshy! (you’re in luck, I happened to have been using this one)

Shiro scowled at the floating tetrahedron in front of him, parsing the positions of the squiggling little alien pieces, then chose the little armored multi-eyed thing and moved it four spaces left and around a corner, capturing a fuzzy thing holding an axe. The axe-wielding piece vanished into the center of the board, signifying he’d made a correct move, and he brightened. “I think I’m finally getting the hang of this.”

Silence.

“Coran?” He peered around the game and found Coran looking off in the direction of the inert robot beside one of the control consoles, apparently lost in thought. “Hey, Coran.”

The older man blinked, then seemed to come back to himself. “Hm? Oh, beg your pardon. My turn, is it?” He squinted at the board. “Let’s see... Jumal Knight to Hellu Mercenary! Good Job, lad!”

“Thanks. Uh, you okay? You’ve been staring at that droid a lot since... well, since the night you told me about the cryos.”

“Have I?” Coran asked as he moved a piece made up of wriggling little tentacle arms to snag one of Shiro’s froggy things with four extra legs. “Just... absent thinking, I suppose.”

Damn, that left his king... or the snakey-looking creature that was sort of like his king, in trouble. “About what?” Shiro asked as he moved one of his own fuzzy axe creatures to try and protect it.

“Well, I found some of his old maintenance records. None of the command codes are in them, of course.” A sword-wielding...something or other was moved around a corner, putting his king in danger from another direction.  “Joitree never would have put those to data, not even here. But there are enough diagrams and notes to give a nearly complete systems schematic.”

Shiro frowned, trying to figure out how he was going to get himself out of this. “Nearly complete as in repairable nearly complete?” he asked, finally deciding to just move his king out of the line of fire.

Bad move. The tentacle thing just chased him into another death trap. “That’s the million yukalla question, it seems. The last thing I’d want to do is leave the poor fellow in pieces,” Coran replied.

The only safe spot was around the corner, but that put him too close to a froggy thing. Shiro decided to chance it. “Hm… Why not get Hunk or Pidge to help? Three mechanical brains would be better than one, wouldn’t-” He couldn’t see Coran’s face, but he could practically feel the atmosphere in the room change. “Still not sure about letting them mess with your friend’s tech yet?”

“It’s quite irrational, I know-”

“Not really. I mean, for us, this stuff is thousands of years old, but isn’t like that for you and Allura.” Shiro looked down at the new arm they’d built for him, the thin pink lines in their little geometric patterns that matched Smooshy’s design. “How long has he really been asleep?”

There was a long pause, and then a deep sigh from the other side of the board. “Seventeen years, nine moons, and twenty-three days.”

“There, see? That’s not nearly enough time for an Altean, is it?”

More silence. Then, after several tics, Coran made a soft hum of thought. “You have a point. But it is too long for him to have been collecting dust. The big tin can was always such a grouch when he had nothing to do.”

“So you’re going to fix him?” Shiro asked, then sat up indignantly when Coran’s froggy thing swiped his king. “Hey!”

“An excellent game, but I am still the master!” Coran said with an unrepentant grin as the board vanished and he got up. “And the answer is yes!” Coran walked over to the central computer core on Joitree’s side of the lab and began putting in the codes to bring up the records he’d been sifting through the week before. “Let’s see… Sector nine… Log Twelve… Hmm…”

“Anything I can do to help?” Shiro asked.

“I may or may not need a second pair of hands, I’m not sure yet. I’ll definitely need help with the tools, though, and it will take both of us to get him out here to work on since the cranes don’t seem to be in functioning order.”

Shiro eyed the ten-foot-tall droid dubiously as he got up from his chair. “Just us?”

“Oh, yes, he’s quite light for his size. Around three hundred parchaks.”

“Is that like a kilogram the way a tic is almost like a second?”

Coran paused, looking up from the command screen. “You know… that’s a very good question. We better test real quick.” He looked through some pieces of machinery that lay in a container on a nearby shelf, testing their weights until he was satisfied. “Alright, this is a parchak. See how it feels,” he said, handing it to Shiro. 

Shiro hefted it up and down with his flesh hand, getting a feel for it. “A little bit heavier. But not bad. We should be okay.”

“Good! I have the files ready, all we need to do is get Smooshy in position and open his core panel up.”

The positioning proved to be a bit more difficult than they had expected. The gap had obviously been designed to fit Smooshy, and his shape wasn’t exactly conducive to moving him without his own or mechanical assistance. 

“Maybe... the cranes... should be next... on the repair list...” Coran puffed when they’d finally managed to drag the robot out of his hidey-hole without tipping him over to crash onto the floor.

“Good idea,” Shiro gasped as he leaned on the console.

Coran blew out his breath, then sucked in a gasp of air to get himself steady again and straightened. “Alright, then. This part shouldn’t be too bad,” he said, tossing the end of a length of cable to Shiro. “We need to gently get him face down on the floor so we can get to his back panel.” 

“You sure that’s going to be easier?”

“His leg joints are still quite limber, so we just need to get him bent down far enough, and then pull his legs out from under him, which is what the cable’s for.”

“Oh. That doesn’t sound too bad.”

Working together, they managed to lie the robot down without breaking any of his more delicate parts.“Phew. Alright. See that tiny hook tool next to your right hand? There are catches for the core compartment under the seam here, here, and here,” Coran said, indicating the correct spots and also pointing them out on the schematic that was on the console screen. “Disconnect those so we can pop him open.”

Pip.

Pip.

Pip.

BEEP.