#it was nice to crack out my more detailed style for this one

[gingermaple]

any excuse to draw etho

[luveline]

hello lovely angel!! humbly requesting zombie!steve au, perhaps more of jealous steve? i love their dynamic so much💗 maybe someone is flirting with reader, and enter protective steve:)

thanks for requesting! fem, 2k

You tend to think of it in two weird halves. You love Steve, and you never would’ve known that without the end of the world, so things are okay. Sometimes you wonder if he ever could’ve loved you if he hadn’t been so close to you for so long, but he loves you in this insane capacity of softness that says otherwise. Like, soulmate style. 

It didn’t begin that way. Steve your reluctant guide, and you his unlikely saviour. You’d stopped him from dying at the very start of it all and he couldn’t leave you behind. And Steve, he’d been mean to you. He didn’t want to take care of you initially, but you’d grown to get along. You’d argue black and blue and he’d still rub your back at night. 

There are so many moments you’ve shared that make what you have all the more special. A hundred different memories from before you’d ever kissed. You think about it now, watching him across the firepit as he shows a young girl, Cassandra, how to braid her hair. 

The one that’s sticking today is when Steve got really bad food poisoning for the first time. When you’d known you were in love with him for a while, and when he’d stopped pretending he didn’t know. He’d been sick everywhere, on both your shoes, and you’d rubbed his back through everything.  

It was nice to take care of him. Nicer that night when you’d shared a bed and he’d hugged you half to death. 

He has no idea how much he means to you, or how much those moments with him kept you going when you were all alone. You’re lucky now to have found community, but those stolen hours in bed with him hugging him and getting to be his support, you wouldn’t have made it here without them. 

“Hey.” 

You look up as a man sits down. A boy, a man —what do you call twenty somethings? You don’t feel like a woman most of the time, but you are. 

“Hi,” you say. 

“I’m Jamison.” 

“You’re Eddie’s friend, right?” 

“Who, Munson?” Jamison makes a kidding face, a disgusted scrunch of his eyebrows that falls away to more friendly fondness. “Yeah, we go back. You’re Eddie’s friend too, right? I saw you guys taking out some laundry a few days ago.” 

Jamison is handsome. He has tan skin, short hair, and a crooked nose. His smile is disarming. If you hadn’t fallen in love with the handsomest guy around, you might feel nervous under his gaze. 

Time spent ugly under Steve’s reverent handling makes you confident. You genuinely feel prettier knowing Steve loves you, and it makes it easier to be yourself with strangers. 

“Eddie’s awesome,” you say easily. “I thought he was gonna kill me when we first met, but he’s too nice.” 

“Nice, really?” 

Jamison is casual, as people go. You wonder what his motivations are for talking to you at first, but as conversation stretches, littered with the cracking pops of the fireplace and brief pauses of surprisingly comfortable silence, you realise he’s just talking. Maybe he’s lonely. You know how that feels. 

He tells you that he and Eddie had been in a rock band together before the apocalypse. You’d known to some extent that Eddie was in a band, but Jamison tells you all the details you’d been missing. They were called Corroded Coffin, four members, Eddie played guitar and Jamison thought he was pretty fucking good at it, actually. 

“I don’t think we would’ve been, like, Metallica. But we could’ve been good. We were gonna make a record.” 

You smoke sympathetically. “I bet you could’ve been.” 

“What were you doing? Before all this?” 

“I honestly barely remember,” you say quietly. Your life before Steve is a blur, and it’s painful, too. “Things are harder now, I know that. I wish every day that we could go back to how things were, you know, I miss TV and grocery stores and my family.” You lick your lips. “I wish things were different, but somehow, I think I like my life now. I have stuff to do. Is that crazy?” 

“It’s not crazy. Everything fucking sucks,” —you both laugh— “but that’s not crazy. I’m lucky, I still have my dad, and my friends. There’s purpose in being here.” 

You nod emphatically, just once. “Exactly.” 

You have purpose, now. You get to be a friend, a girlfriend, a confidente. You take care of people. 

It all comes back to Steve, at the end of the day. Would you change the world if it meant never having met him? 

Nope. 

You glance across the fire for him, but he’s not there. 

You put your arm behind your back and bend, looking for him. 

“Looking for someone?” Jamison asks. 

You deflate with relief when you spot him standing near the gaggle of tents about fifty feet away. He’s looking at you from over Robin’s shoulder. You wave, and he waves back with a big smile. 

Something seems a little wrong. 

“Steve,” you explain. 

“He’s your boyfriend, yeah? Eddie told me you’ve been together since the start.” 

You don’t bother correcting him. He might not mean together as how you’re thinking it. “Yeah, that’s him. Have you met him?” 

“Kind of. We all thought he was a huge dick, back then.” 

“He sort of was,” you say. “I mean, we all had our own stuff going on. I get that I’m biased, but he’s my favourite person I’ve ever met. He’s so kind, I don’t think I could describe it to you or anyone just how much he cares about people. I wouldn’t be here without him, and… I don’t know, I’m not saying you’re wrong, but if you ever wanted to meet him again, he’s amazing. He’s a great friend. He’s so fucking funny, he makes me laugh every day.” 

“He’s sort of giving me the stink eye,” Jamison says. 

You wave your hand weakly. “He has raging jealousy issues.” 

“Shit, am I getting you in trouble?” 

“No, never!” you say, tempted to laugh. “He doesn’t get mad at me for stuff like that. He’s normal, I promise. Just sensitive.”

You tell Jamison that it was nice talking to him because it really was, but you’ve been missing Steve for hours already and you need to get back to him before you go totally bonkers. 

He’s sitting on the floor in the tent. The weather has been beautiful lately, you could sleep under the stars if you weren’t scared of being zombie charcuterie. Steve has stripped down to just his jeans and socks, no t-shirt or shoes to be seen. He has his sketchbook splayed open on his thigh, but he abandons it the moment you kneel down. 

“Hey,” you say. 

Steve folds his book closed, pencil between its pages. “Hi. Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?” 

You shuffle in to take his hand. Clumsy touches, his fingers warm and a tad clammy between yours. “You told me yesterday that I have a smile like an angel. I know you were kidding, but I still felt it.” 

“I wasn’t kidding,” he says, wrinkling his nose with a smile. “You think every compliment is a joke.” 

“Don’t make me laugh so much, then.” 

He squeezes your fingers gently. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself to Jamison. Just, I knew him already from school. And he did not like me.” 

“That’s okay. He seemed nice, I think you’d get along if you met now.” You kick your shoes off and crawl as close to him as you can get. He looks up at you, but you look down at his lap. “What are you drawing?” 

“I was just trying to touch up that landscape I did of the river,” he says, a sheepishness to him as he opens his sketchbook. 

You read it with affection, trace lines and hatchings in awe. “Steve, I really wish you had time and space to do this stuff properly. Not that you aren’t doing it properly, just, I know you could make something just as beautiful as this with paint.” You slide to be sitting properly, putting you both at the same height, so you can meet his eyes as you continue. “Did you know what you wanted to do, when you were finishing school? Did you ever think about art?” 

“I thought about it.” His lips quirk. “Mostly about how my dad would’ve kicked me out if I said something that stupid.” 

“It’s not stupid.” 

“I know.” 

That would’ve been a nice life. You and Steve living together, with a basement for his paintings, or a garage turned studio. You’d read books together every night like you do now, and you’d scrub paint smudges off of his cheek. 

You love him so much it must give you an aura. 

“I’ve got nothing to worry about, huh?” he asks softly. 

You drift in, tipping your head back for a kiss you don’t take. “I don’t know, Steve, Jamison used to be in a rock band.” 

He scoffs in disgust. You think it might be a mixture of anger at Jamison and himself. “Who wants to date a rockstar?” 

“I might’ve.” 

You’re teasing, of course, smiling as your kiss draws nearer, and nearer. 

“Well, I can be a rockstar,” he says quietly, warmth of his breath on your lips. “Just give me a chance to get there.” 

You brush the tip of your nose against his and hold your breath. “That’s okay,” you say, letting it rush out of you in a huff, your excitement to be kissed too much to bear, “I like my guys all mixed up. Preferably good at track, and swimming, but with a soft side. Kind of guy who fills a sketchbook up with my face.” 

Steve lists to the side. Your lips are so close, you can feel the phantom of them against yours as he moves in. “It’s not just your face… it’s your hands, your arms… your everything–”

He cuts his own explanation off with a soft kiss. That softness swiftly hardens, turns rough, ten long seconds of sweetness before his hands coming up behind your head and he’s pressing inward, deepening the kiss, and giving you little room to breathe. 

You have no intention of dating any rockstars, but his jealous streak has nothing but upsides for you. Steve knows that his jealousy over the innocuous is his own problem, his own insecurity that he’s working on, and while you sympathise with him (after all, haven’t you yourself worried he’d find someone else he liked more?), you have to confess to enjoying the edge to his kissing. 

You make a pleased, humoured sound as he breathes you in like you’re a drug he’s been waiting for. He gets sloppier, and you can’t help pulling away to laugh. 

“What?” he asks, thumbing at your cheek in a soft juxtaposition. “Sorry, am I being a dick?” 

“No, it’s fine. Kiss me how you want to.” 

Steve kisses your cheek softly. “He knows you have a boyfriend, right?” 

“He knows.” 

Steve hums like he’s smiling and nudges your nose with his, until you part your lips, and he wades in for another dose. 

[junebugsarchive]

𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 . jake kim

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 '𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 / 𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 . . . ♡

summary: you and jake used to be as thick as thieves back in middle school, even when he became part of the notorious gang big deal. that is, until a miscommunication and jake's stubbornness leads to a heart-breaking fall out, and you never saw or heard of him until a few years later. now jake wants you back in his life, but are you ready to accept him so willingly again?

pairing: jake kim / kim gimyung x reader

details: slight mentions of harassment . cursing & violence . really, really long (wc 11.9k words, sorry everyone ) . all dividers used are from @cafekitsune, pictures from pinterest !

a/n: first ever work wowow >< this fanfic is mostly just to give u guys a taste of my writing style hehe <3 this has been in my drafts for a long time already... finally got the courage to post! hope u guys love, mwah mwah ♡

                Jake Kim will never forget the day he met you. He was fifteen, in his second year at Gangseo Middle School, sleeping soundly at his desk while the teacher at the front droned on about something - he was too lazy to care anyways.

                "Hey!" Someone suddenly slammed both hands onto his table, making him blink blearily, fuzzily looking up in annoyance at the culprit, ready to give them the beating of their life.

                A girl grinned back down at him, her prim and neat uniform a stark contrast to the dirt and grime on the rest of the students, and the blood and cracks coating the walls of their classroom. Jake blinked at her as he straightened his back, opening his mouth to yawn. He had no idea there was a girl in this school.

                "I transferred here a week ago," The girl chirped, as if sensing Jake's thoughts. "My name's [Name] [Last name], nice to meet you!"

                "What do you want?" Jake asked brusquely, ignoring her introduction as he dug in his pocket for a snack, groaning inwardly when he realized that he had eaten them all already. "Go away, kid. This school isn't a place for a girl like you."

                She frowned as she watched him, putting one hand on her hip as she pouted slightly. "I'm not a kid, I'm just a year younger than you!" She replied defiantly. "Besides, this was the only school my aunt could afford."

                Jake raised his eyebrow at this. This girl... was intriguing, at the least. More so annoying, but Jake decided to pardon her overly-zealous attitude. "What do you want?" He repeated in annoyance, nevertheless. "If you don't want anything, go away. I'm trying to sleep here."

                "Protect me."

                Jake paused, just as he was about to close his eyes again, and raised his head, narrowing his eyes at the girl, who was still smiling in a carefree manner. "Excuse me?" He asked, unsure whether to be offended or weirded out by this demand.

                The girl shrugged. "I'm a girl," She explained. "Well, the only girl in this school at least. My auntie couldn't afford anything else, so I had to lie to her and tell her I have a nice friend here that could protect me. Which, obviously isn't true." The girl paused here, looking straight into Jake Kim's eyes without a hint of fear or hesitance. "I can do stuff for you. Your homework, quizzes, tests, whatever. Just please protect me while I'm in this school, until my auntie can get me to transfer, then I'll be out of your hair."

                Jake nearly laughed at this. This girl had the audacity to ask him to help her beat up any guy that essentially looked at her wrong, because she wasn't able to do so herself? She should've just chosen to be home-schooled, or just worked her ass off to make money at a young age instead. "No," He replied bluntly, settling himself back down onto his table, ready to doze off until the end of the day. "Bold of you to assume I want to do well in my studies, anyways. Now go away, kid. I want to sleep."

                You frowned in disappointment. Sure, you weren't a hundred percent certain that the school's most notorious fighter would actually help you, but your optimistic side was really hoping that he'd agree to your crazy demands. "Ok," You relented, rummaging through the plastic bag you'd brought along with you, before bringing out a little Kuromi lunchbox and gently placing it beside the boy's head. "I brought some food, by the way. If you don't wanna eat it it's fine." You wait for a few seconds, but it had become apparent that either Jake was ignoring you, or he was already asleep. "Well, bye Jake." You left, making sure to gently close the door behind you.

                You should have tried harder to convince Jake. You really should have. Because right now, you were in a super uncomfortable situation you wish you could have avoided one way or another. Found blackmail on Jake Kim to make him protect you? Nah, he'd kill you in an instant. Whine and whine and beg for his protection? Still kill you anyways. Fuck, nothing you could have done would make Jake relent.

                Your eye twitched slightly as you heard the boy sat next to you call you 'sweet cheeks' for probably the hundredth time in the past few hours, then proceed to claim that you were his 'girlfriend'. Yeah, right! He was so ugly even mirrors would shatter if they saw him. Another vulgar comment about your ass made you feel like breaking your pencil. Screw being polite to potentially dangerous boys, you were ready to break this guy's arm. You cringed when the guy stupidly decided to make a move and loop an arm around your shoulder, making kissy faces as he slowly drew closer to you. You shivered in horror - this pervert was about to try and kiss you!

                "Hell no." You groaned, gingerly pushing his face away from yours as you stood up, ready to get out of this hellhole. No way this guy actually thought he had a chance with you. Not with his personality.

                "The fuck did you just say, bitch?" The same guy growled, slowly standing up to tower above you, the rest of the class following in suit. It was clear that he was the king in this class, and even the teacher at the front was shivering in his seat, too afraid to say anything.

                "I said, hell no." You repeated, throwing all caution to the wind. "I'm not your girlfriend, so please stop acting like I gave you permission to touch me all you want."

                The guy's goons began to menacingly crack their knuckles and bring out bats from god-knows-where, you were starting to regret making a scene.

                "Disrespectful bitch." The leader spat out, slowly advancing on you. "And disrespectful bitches get taught a lesson." This must have been a sort of cue, because the goons began to jump over desks and chairs to run at you, fully prepared to beat the shit out of you.

                "Oh fuck," You mumbled, before darting out of the class - thank god your seat was the closest to the door - speeding through the hallways while the boys behind you screamed bloody murder.

                You really should have exercised more, because in a matter of minutes, you were already starting to feel stitches coming in, and wheezing pathetically as you began to slow down, giving one of the more athletic goons the chance to grab your hair, making you shout in pain as your scalp burned, bringing tears to your eyes as you struggled in his grasp, kicking and flailing like a wild animal.

                "Yo, boss! I got her!" The goon shouted excitedly, grunting slightly as he kept you under his iron grip. "Stay still you bitch-!"

                A loud bam made you flinch, instinctively reaching up to cover your ears. Did someone blow up a part of the school? You blink, realising the goon wasn't restraining you, before slowly looking to the wall beside you, seeing a human's head smushed into the cement, acutely aware of a person standing behind you. Slowly you look up, your face breaking out into a happy smile upon seeing Jake Kim, one hand holding the goon's head into the wall, the other holding up your Kuromi lunchbox to you.

                "The food was okay," Jake said blankly, though the twitch at the corner of lips said otherwise. Letting you gladly receive the empty lunchbox from his grasp, he slowly surveyed the frozen goons, their leader at the front, before looking at the heads peeking out from the classrooms, his eyes darting towards your slightly trembling form. His eyes softened, peeling his jacket off his form to drape over you, giving your head a small pat before walking in front of you.

                "I have a deal for you," You perk up upon hearing his voice, his form still relaxed as the goons in front of him shifted into battle stances, fully believing they could take him down. "You make me those lunches everyday, and I'll protect you." Without even waiting for a response (you would have said yes anyways), he immediately lunged forward, meeting the boys in front of him with a flurry of fists and legs.

                The fight ended just as quickly as it had started. Jake Kim was standing tall among the unconscious bodies, his uniform bloodied but still intact. You gingerly stepped over the bodies, meeting the boy in the middle as you eyed his dirty form judgmentally, snuggling deeper into the warm jacket. "Ew," You hum. "I should wash your clothes too."

                "Whatever," He replies blankly, slouching down again, his tall and prideful aura when fighting nowhere to be seen now. "Let's go. I wanna sleep." You brighten again, humming a cheerful tune as you trot after him, a skip in your step.

                "Hey, what do you wanna eat tomorrow? Bibimbap? Bulgogi?" A grunt was your only response.

                A year has passed since you met Jake Kim. Since Jake was being held back a year (you scolded him for this, though you were pretty sure he wasn't even listening), you were now in the same class as him, which relieved you, since you no longer had to walk past judgemental eyes from every class to deliver his daily lunchbox.

                Humming a happy little tune, you halted outside your class, classroom 2-1, skidding to a halt as you nearly bumped into two tall freshmen exiting the classroom at the same time.

                "Sorry," The shorter one says absentmindedly as they brush past you, the taller one's dreadlocks nearly smacking you in the face. Scrunching your nose, you poke out your tongue at them, before entering the classroom.

                Jake was awake when you entered, staring silently at two packs of orange gum resting neatly on his table.

                "Who's that from?" You asked curiously, watching as he slowly unwrapped one, popping the gum into his mouth, and began chewing obnoxiously. "Ooh, Jake's got admirers?"

                "Just some freshmen that wanted to be head," Jake replied nonchalantly, offering one to you, which you took and popped into your mouth. "And is it that surprising I'm awesome enough to have admirers?"

                "Stop being so egoistical," You grumbled, noticing the faraway look in your friend's eyes. "What, thinking about how old you are now for freshmen to be having the guts to challenge you?" Jake's gracious reply is a side-eye in your direction.

                "Be right back," He suddenly hums, standing up from his seat to his full height, effectively towering over you. "Don't move, alright?" He ruffles your hair like some puppy, momentarily making you freeze up, before leaving the classroom. You sigh, shutting your eyes tightly as you plopped into your seat, which was right beside his, banging your head onto the table and covering it with your arms to hide the growing red on your cheeks. Stupid Jake Kim, you think to yourself in annoyance. Making me have a crush on him... Stupid...

                Another few months rolled by in a flash. There were two new members of the Jake's Followers Squad, namely Jason Yoon and Brad Lee, who were more than happy to beat anyone up that simply looked at you or Jake wrong, eagerly accepting any and all lunchboxes you gave to them. You swear, you could give them a lunchbox with rat poison inside and they'd gobble it up in a matter of seconds.

                Morning assembly in the courtyard was always boring. The principal would always ramble about how the students should be grateful for all the teachers and the equipment in the school, while the students down below slowly fell asleep one by one.

                "Everyone listen up!" A teacher shouted, clearly trying to suck up to the principal. "The principal has an announcement to make!"

                You groan as an old man in an expensive suit - clearly out of his salary - walked up to the podium and began his daily speech. "I wanna sleep..." You whine under your breath, as Brad and Jason nod in agreement behind you.

                "Prestige, my ass." Jason yawns.

                "What bullshit." Brad follows in suit.

                In front of them, Jake stays quiet, shutting his eyes as he effortlessly falls asleep standing upright, making you groan as you fan yourself. Fuck this weather, honestly.

                A loud creak by the entrance made the four of you turn towards it, curious to see what the commotion is about.

                "What's going on?" The principal shouts in panic through the microphone. "What are you guys doing by the gate?!" His question goes unanswered as the students slowly pull the gate open. "Hey, shut the gate at once!"

                Jake's eyes narrow at the sleek black limousine that rumbles through the now-open gate, and the students that bow ninety-degrees towards the vehicle. You blink; that was some surprisingly high level of standard and discipline the once-rowdy boys of this school had.

                "Welcome sir!" The students shout. "It's an honour!"

                The limousine's engine vroomed loudly, before it suddenly sped towards the crowd of students, who shouted in panic and quickly backed out of the car's way, only for it to skid to a halt - right in front of Jake Kim. The boy simply raises an eyebrow at the vehicle, his tall shoulders blocking your view of whoever stepped out of the car.

                "Damn..." The man hummed as he stepped out of his car, circle-shaped sunglasses perched neatly on his nose as he leaned on his car, hands placed in his pockets. "It sure is hard to drive in the school zone." His eyes wander to Jake - not that anyone could tell with his tinted sunglasses.

                "Good to see you," The man, Sinu Han, greets amicably. "Head of Gangseo Middle School; Jake Kim." His lips suddenly stretch into a wide grin. "Join Big Deal."

                "No," Was Jake's immediate response. "I'm not going to join Big Deal."

                "Whoa... so assertive!" Sinu continues smiling, unaffected by Jake's harsh rejection. "Why not?"

                "I don't do thugs." He answers sharply.

                "I'm not a thug."

                "Bullshit." Jake was quick to reply. "Everything about you screams 'thug'."

                "Damn, you got me." Sinu shrugs uncaringly, which slightly infuriated the boy.

                "Stop messing with me and go." He takes a gum out of his pocket, popping it into his mouth as he chewed, blowing a small bubble. "I'm sick of dealing with you thugs." And as he brushes past the man, Sinu observes quietly as you, Brad and Jason follow quietly after him, the son of Gapryoung Kim slowing down a little to subtly look back at you, raising an eyebrow almost inquisitively, silently asking if you were okay.

                Sinu Han watches in amusement as you nod your head brightly, and only then does Jake turn back and disappear into the school. "Ah, young love." He muses quietly as he turns around and heads back to his car. "Kinda reminds me of the romance of Big Deal."

                To be honest, you weren't all that surprised when Jake joined Big Deal. Sure, it was a little dangerous to hang out on a street full of gangsters with the possibility of getting attacked any second, but you understood that your three friends could protect themselves.

                Somehow, you found yourself wrapped up in the gang's shenanigans too. You were sort of an unofficial official member now, finding yourself managing Big Deal's finances and spending, even going as far as to help the gang put aside some money to invest in stocks. Due to your connection with Jake and Sinu, you were placed pretty high up in the ranks, as the sixth-in-command. It wasn't really high, like Jake, who was second-in-command, but everyone in Big Deal still genuinely respected you for your kindness - and home-cooked food, of course.

                "WELCOME, SIR!" Everyone bowed immediately, in one swift motion, their bodies bent a perfect ninety degrees as Big Deal's Number 3; Samuel Seo smoothly brushed past in his neatly ironed Big Deal coat, a cigarette between his lips. One of members of Big Deal caught his eye, making him pause directly in front of him.

                "Where's your coat?" He asked.

                "I was in a rush and forgot to wear it, sir!" The member replied loudly, scratching his head nervously, knowing he was fucked.

                "Is that so?" Samuel asked softly. A loud smack rang through the street as the member's face was snapped to the side, having been slapped by Samuel. "Does that mean you're not a member of Big Deal anymore?" The other members winced as they watched Samuel scold the boy that forgot his coat, said boy nodding nervously as he held his swollen cheek.

                "Samuel, don't be so harsh." You frowned a little, chastising the third-in-command as you stepped between the boy and Samuel, your Big Deal coat swooshing behind you as the boy looked at you like an angel that had just descended from heaven. "It was just one time. He won't forget again, right?" You smile kindly at the boy, who nodded fervently with a grateful smile on his face. 

                "Yes Ma'am!" He practically shouts, bowing profusely as you nod and wave him away, before speeding off, probably to go tell his friends about his encounter with you.

                "You're too soft," Samuel grumbles lowly as the two of you watch a bunch of Big Deal members crowd around him, exclaiming about how lucky he was to interact with the so-called 'Angelic Number 6' of Big Deal. "Gangs like Big Deal are all about discipline and respect. If you let him off so easily, he's going to take advantage of it."

                "You're just too harsh," You repeat your words from before, rolling your eyes. "You need to chill, Samuel. It's the first time he forgot his coat, right? You didn't need to slap him so hard, I could already see the bruise forming."

                "It's the third." Samuel mumbles petulantly, but even he knows better than to argue with you. For all he knew, the next meal you gave him could include a few worms for noodles. 

                He watches you leave, smiling and waving at every Big Deal member you come across, all of which smile stupidly and wave enthusiastically, or jaw drops and bows lower than they should, the same fervent look in all of their eyes.

                Stupid girl, Samuel thinks to himself as he watches you, walking freely with the Big Deal coat hanging off your shoulders, practically unaware of the weight of your role. Walking so freely, without a single care in the world. He wishes he could be like you.

                Big Deal was in its golden era for months. Ever since you, Jake and Samuel joined, profits have been soaring higher than anyone has ever seen, and no gang has decided to mess with Big Deal - except for the stupid ones.

                Nevertheless, life was looking great. You had an amazing group of friends that you laughed with and ate with, your aunt was starting to earn more money, so you could afford better ingredients for the food you cooked for Big Deal.

                You and Samuel, surprisingly, got along like a house on fire, something Jake wasn't too happy with, but never spoke up about. Just like you, Samuel loved money almost as much as he loved fighting, and the two of you would have in depth discussions about the best way to earn a lot of money for Big Deal while budgeting for about a hundred or so members. Despite your earlier grudges about him kicking a cute little boy named Johan out, he was quite friendly, underneath his tough exterior.

                Jake, on the other hand, got along like a house on fire with Sinu, which wasn't very surprising. Sinu had a very blatant favouritism towards the boy, and wasn't shy in showing it either. You didn't appreciate the leader of Big Deal proudly favouring Jake, but you never spoke up about it either.

                Admittedly, you still had that stupid little crush on Jake. Surprise, surprise, after months of being with Jake in gang, and seeing all of his sides - from the positive ones to the negative ones, you still found him handsome, deep down to the core.

                Samuel didn't appreciate you fawning over Jake in front of him - and yes, he knew because you told him. He'd roll his eyes, sigh and scoff whenever you brought the name up, knowing he was up for another session of 'Oh-my-gosh-did-you-see-how-Jake-took-those-guys-down' or 'Jake-looks-even-better-today'. But he never complained, which was something you appreciated. It was easy talking to the stoic and monotonous Samuel (arguably), since talking to anyone else essentially meant they would snitch to Jake, even Yeonhui and Sinu. Samuel didn't care enough to tell Jake, but at least he cared enough to listen while you talked his ears off.

                However, over the past few days, you noticed that Samuel became more prickly whenever you brought up Jake. He'd scoff - genuinely scoff, not the kind where he'd scoff but still listen, and make up some excuse to avoid you talking about Jake. Occasionally, when he'd lie that he had a phone call or he needed to check on the shops, you'd nod quietly, but stare questioningly as he walked away. You wondered what had happened between the two.

                One day, your aunt called. You were strolling around Big Deal street with Samuel, the two of you noting which parts of the street needed to be cleaned or repaired, when your phone rang in your coat pocket. Pausing, you dug your phone out, clicking on the 'answer' button when you saw the caller address.

                "Hi auntie, what's up?" You hum cheerfully, as Samuel pauses to patiently wait for you as well, lighting up a cigarette in the mean time.

                "[Name]!" Your aunt speaks cheerfully, her happy tone making you tilt your head. She'd never sounded so happy in the years you had lived with her. "I've gotten a huge promotion. It can earn me a lot of money for both of us!" Your face breaks out into a happy grin when you hear the news.

                "Auntie, that's great!" You beam, though she couldn't see it. "Should we eat KFC tonight?" Your aunt laughs, but it trails off a bit at the end. "What's wrong, auntie?"

                "My new job is in another part of Seoul, so we're going to have to move away."

                Your face went slack, eyes only widening slightly in shock. Samuel looked up questioningly upon your silence, inwardly noting the look of shock on your face.

                "[Name]?" Your aunt asks quietly, upon hearing nothing from you. "Are you okay with it? I know how close you are to your friends here... If not it's fine, I can reject the offer-"

                "No!" You say quickly, clearing your throat, before quickly regaining your composure. "It's fine, aunty. I can't wait. When do we leave?"

                "This coming Friday." Your aunt replies, her tone careful to gauge your reaction. "Are you sure you're okay with it?"

                "I'm fine," You say, trying your best to sound cheerful. Today was Tuesday. You only had two days, not counting today, to say your farewells. "Congratulations on that promotion, auntie! You deserve it."

                "Thank you, dear." You could practically hear her fond smile from the other line. "I'll hang up now, but I'll tell you the details at home. Love you, bye!"

                "Bye, auntie." You say, but the line had already gone dead. You suck in a deep breath, staring at the 'call ended' on your screen. It was dead silent for a while as Samuel observed your face.

                "So," He finally says, breaking the silence. "When are you telling Big Deal?"

                "Soon," You say resolutely, sighing as you ruffle your hair, suddenly feeling exhausted. "Keep it a secret from them until then, please?"

                Samuel raises his eyebrow at your plea, scoffing as he puffs out smoke. "Why should I?" He asks, smirking infuriatingly. You sigh at his reaction - clearly you expected too much of him.

                "I just don't want them to be sad." You finally say, a look of fondness in your eyes as you take in the street before you, a street you were proud to take part in building up to its glory. Your dearest pride and joy, Big Deal. "Jake's got a lot on his plate too, y'know? Sinu oppa's thinking of stepping down, and I heard there were talks of a guy messing up the other gangs around this area. They've got enough to worry about, they can't worry about me. They can't." You repeat the last sentence, eyes glazing over as Samuel watches you from the corner of his eye.

                "It's always Jake." Samuel mutters, barely catching himself in time to glimpse you curiously looking over him.

                "What?" You ask, making him quickly clear his throat and look away.

                "I'll keep your little secret." He grumbles, watching your expression light up as you give him a happy smile.

                "Really? Thank you, Samuel!" You rush forward, giving him a hug before gasping, checking your phone. "Oh, my auntie will be back soon! I gotta buy KFC, see you Samuel!" Without waiting for his reply, you dash away, breathlessly shouting a greeting to every Big Deal member you crossed.

                Samuel Seo watches you go with a sinking heart, his expression relaxing as he sighs and scratches the back of his head, trying hard to ignore the warmth in his chest. After all this time, it's always been Jake.

                You didn't show up the next day. Samuel pretends like your absence isn't a big deal, and carries on with his daily routine of supervising the members and scolding those who didn't wear their jackets. Who cares, anyways. You were probably just busy packing with your auntie to go somewhere else. It's not like he couldn't find out where you were going and visit you. He shakes the thought away, schooling his expression to one of blankness as he marks down another renovation needed to be made, strolling down the street.

                Inwardly, he felt somewhat triumphant that he knew something about you that Jake didn't. Watching him go around like a lost child, asking if anyone had seen you today was quite amusing, especially more so because he, Samuel Seo, knew before Jake did.

                He wouldn't miss you, Samuel reminded himself. Just another Big Deal member needing to move away. No big deal.

                On Thursday, Goo Kim came. Samuel watched on as Sinu was defeated, by a teen barely older than him, with bleached blonde hair and a joker attitude. He and Jake watched over Sinu as he rested, one man's mind in a turmoil and the other a calm sea.

                "Samuel," He clenched his teeth, hating how he automatically looked up at the boy.

                "What?" Samuel shoots back with gritted teeth, looking back down towards Sinu.

                "Where's [Name]?" Jake asks quietly, staring down at the floor with a blank expression, dark eyes a brewing storm.

                Samuel looks at him for a moment, his mind in a turmoil. He wanted to rile Jake up, just a little bit. And yet... his mind flashes to your face, knowing you'd be so upset if he caused a rift between you and your best friend. Best. Friend. Samuel clenches his jaw, and makes his mind up. "Took the day off." He's careful to keep his tone neutral and casual, as if he was oblivious to how Jake was slowly getting angrier and angrier. "Said she had more important stuff to take care of."

                The second-in-command nods silently, before getting up and saying he's going outside to get some fresh air. Samuel nods, and when the door closes, he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding in, and stares down at Sinu. He thinks he feels guilty, but maybe not after all.

                Outside, Jake Kim is having a mental breakdown. More important things my ass, He thinks furiously, closing his eyes to take a deep breath to calm himself down. What's more important than Big Deal that she couldn't tell me herself?

                He sighs, smoothing back his hair. Tomorrow, He tells himself. Tomorrow, I'll deal with her.

                Tomorrow never came.

                Friday rolled past in a blur for you. Your auntie was so busy with paperwork and events, you had to help pack everything in your tiny little apartment, which had shockingly a lot of things. This took two days to pack by yourself, and on Friday, you found yourself whirled away by your aunt early in the morning to go to the train station, with no chance of saying your goodbyes. Inwardly, you scolded yourself for procrastinating your farewells, but brushed it aside as you admired the greenery that rolled past your window. You could easily text them, no problem.

                When you arrived at your new apartment, it was already late at night. Overwhelmed by exhaustion, you crashed onto your new bed, not even bothering to unpack or shower, and slept soundly till Saturday noontime.

                Once you woke up, you were determined to say your proper goodbyes. Grabbing your phone off the nightstand, you switched it on, clicking on Jake's chatbox before typing out your message.

[name] 🧚

hey, so sorry i didn't show up the past few days! was

super busy with stuff, i'll lyk thru call, just text me

when u have time, k? x

Seen

                Jake's reply came almost instantaneously, and your brows furrowed the more you read.

jakey (gyat) 🍑

I can't believe you. What 'stuff' were you even busy with?

Why weren't you here when we needed you? I'm starting to

think you don't even care about Big Deal. And you can't even

tell me face to face? I really can't believe you, [Name]. Don't

text or call me until you can tell me straight to my face what

exactly was so important you couldn't be here with us.

Seen

This person has blocked your contact.

You can no longer text or call this person

                Your brows furrowed, feeling hurt as you reread Jake's message once, twice and three times. What had happened the two days you weren't there? Clicking out of Jake's chatbox, you were determined to clear up whatever misunderstanding happened between you and your friend.

                Scrolling through your contact list, you clicked on the groupchat you had made with Brad, Jason and Jerry, originally meant for when you wanted to plan Jake's birthday party last year, but ended up as a groupchat where you and the rest of Jake's loyal fanclub would discuss anything (positive, of course) related to their boss (like the memes the four of you had created regarding Jake, though you all swore never to tell anyone about them).

Boss Jake's Fanclub 🍑

president [name]

guys what happened while i was gone and why

is jake mad at me rn?

Seen by all

hello?

Seen by all

guys please tell me i really don't know what

happened

Seen by all

jason 👠

i'm kinda going against boss jake's orders

but

on thursday sinu got defeated by some guy called

goo kim and jake's mad that you didn't show up.

he told everyone in big deal to block your

number and not talk to you at all until you talk to

him face to face.

                Your eyes widened as you slowly sat up in your bed, heading spinning as you slowly read through Jason's message. Sinu? Defeated? And Jake was angry that you were absent?

president [name]

i had a good reason, i swear.

im sorry i never told you guys sooner but my auntie

got a job promotion so i had to help her pack and

i left yesterday morning.

i really wanted to tell you guys about it but everyone

looked so stressed and tired i just didn't want to make

it worse.

im sorry everyone, i'll get ready to leave tomorrow to

explain everything to jake.

Seen by all

baby kwon 💗

I think it is better if you don't, [Name].

Boss Jake is very stressed right now, and I don't

think he wants to talk to anybody right now. Goo

Kim and his accomplice, Gun Park, said that we

have to pay them 100 million won every month if

we want Big Deal to survive, so everyone's very

tense right now.

I don't mean to be rude, but if you come back, Boss

Jake will be even more stressed.

brad (nail artist <3)

sorry [name].

we all miss you though.

we'll have to delete this chat bc if boss jake sees

this he'd kill us all.

Seen by all

president [name]

it's okay.

thanks guys.

Seen by all

baby kwon 💗 has removed you from the chat

baby kwon 💗 has left the chat

jason 👠 has left the chat

brad (nail artist <3) has left the chat

                You switched off your phone, staring at the black screen blankly.

                That day, your auntie had to console you nonstop as you cried your heart out, all the way until you fell asleep from exhaustion, tears still dripping down your eyes as your head hit the pillow.

                A few months later, a sleek-looking Samuel Seo paid you a visit. Your aunt was out working and you were watching television while eating fried chicken when your doorbell rang.

                Upon opening your front door, you were greeted with an unbelievably taller Samuel in a neatly ironed white suit, with a bunch of men standing behind him.

                "Samuel!" Your face lit up as you smiled warmly at your sudden guest. "Oh wow, you've grown taller!"

                "Hi, [Name]." He nods at you, the corner of his lips curling into a half smirk. "Can I come in?"

                "Of course, of course!" You unlocked your door, ushering him inside as you threw a curious look towards the men still stationed outside your house. They looked strange, in well-ironed suits that didn't scream 'We believe in the romance of Big Deal'. "Do they want to come in, or...?"

                "They'll stay where they are." Samuel replies dismissively, barely giving the men a glance as he looked around your house. "Nice place you got here."

                "Sorry for the mess," You say apologetically as you hurriedly switch off the television and clear away your chicken. "I wasn't expecting anyone to visit. I'll get you some tea. Make yourself at home!"

                Samuel sat down on your couch, watching as you bustled around in the kitchen, inwardly knowing you wouldn't treat him so kindly if you knew what news he came bearing.

                "So," You plop down opposite him, pouring him a cup of tea before pouring one for yourself. "What's up? How's Big Deal?"

                "Ah..." Samuel slowly took a sip from his cup of tea, the warm liquid running down his throat. "I left Big Deal."

                You paused, looking up at him in shock as he set down his cup with a sharp 'clink'. "What?" You say disbelievingly, glancing down at the shiny badge on his collar, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "But... you love Big Deal."

                "Loved," he corrected, unfazed by your piercing stare. "After Sinu was defeated, I realized that frankly, Big Deal was still a mile away from what I wanted to achieve." He gave you a professional smile, smoothening his hair. "Absolute power."

                "So what," You scoff, head still spinning. "Big Deal was just another stepping stone to you?"

                "Precisely," He didn't even bother sugarcoating it. "And now, I'm inviting you to do the same. I know that you still think of yourself as a member of Big Deal, though Jake may not feel the same."

                Underneath the table, your fists clench.

                The tea in your cup has quickly gone cold.

                "Join Workers. We will give you all the power and money you could ever want. We won't turn our back on you just because you need to take a few days leave without prior notice. Don't you want your aunt to stop suffering? Don't you want to live a lavish lifestyle, to have anything you want at a snap of your finger?" He leaned closer to you, and you could practically smell dirty money oozing from him. "Join Workers, [Name]. You won't regret it."

                You were silent for a while, before lifting your head as you stared at Samuel, a fire burning in your eyes.

                "So you're saying all I need to do is turn my back on Big Deal and join you?"

                Samuel hums in affirmation, his eyes gleaming in victory. He celebrated too early.

                Lifting your arm, you stand up, grabbing your cup of tea and mercilessly splashing the liquid all over Samuel, glaring at him as he calmly wiped the liquid away from his face with a handkerchief.

                "Like hell I will," You grit out, eyes blazing as you set down the cup with a loud bang, before pointing towards your door, hand trembling slightly. "Get the fuck out of my house, Samuel. I'm not a fucking traitor, unlike you piece of shit."

                You were half expecting him to get angry and punch you, but instead he chuckled almost good-naturedly and got up to leave.

                "Alright," He says easily, brushing past you. "That's fine, [Name]. It's not like you have a gang to go back to even if you refuse my offer."

                You were left there standing alone as the door shuts with a loud bang, fists trembling as you stared at the table.

                A year had passed since you had unofficially been kicked out of Big Deal. You had learned to push down the nostalgia and tears that the gang had brought every time you thought about them, and buried yourself in studies. Your new school, J High, was admittedly elite and quite expensive, but thanks to the scholarship you had scored from a company called H Group, the school fees were much cheaper.

                Originally, you felt extremely insecure about your background and looks, since almost everybody in J High was either good looking or rich, or in some cases, both, but you quickly adapted to your new environment, comfortably securing yourself a spot as an almost invisible girl, not too invisible for people to forget your name, but not too unique to be popular.

                During your third year, your department had some interesting freshmen. The Architecture Department was known for being an all-boys department for years (until you arrived), since 1) they were mostly gang members and 2) the girls were too scared to join. But the new first years were... unique, to say the least.

                Originally, you had thought they were just another bunch of rowdy teenage boys picking fights and smoking at the back of the school, but you were pleasantly surprised to hear chatter of how they were more mellow (which spoke a lot) and a boy in the first year had formed some sort of gang that apparently 'punished bad guys', called Burn Knuckles.

                Your curiosity piquing, you decided to volunteer to be the Architecture Department's student guide for the first years.

                The leader of Burn Knuckles, Euntae Lee, was a very amusing boy. When the teacher first introduced you to the class, you had accidentally made eye contact with him. Having read through and memorised the class roster, you gave him a warm smile, making his face go stiff as red blossomed on his cheeks. You nearly laughed, but kept it together as you introduced yourself to the first years.

                You only grew closer to Burn Knuckles when you discovered that the right hand man, Jace Park, worked at the same coffee shop as you did, thus his other gang members were also frequent visitors of the cafe, once saving you from a old man that was harassing you.

                "You don't touch a girl without her permission," You clearly remember Euntae Lee saying, as he glared at the man, who had tried to lean over the counter to touch your arm, and kept an iron grip on his wrist. "You're a bad guy. And bad guys must be punished."

                You had thanked him profusely afterwards, making him blush and avert his eyes, mumbling for you to call him 'Vasco'. As a way to express your gratitude, you talked to the manager, and succeeded in getting chocolate milk added to the cafe's list of drinks, making Vasco's eyes sparkle when he walked in the next day, seeing the new addition to the menu. How cute.

                You got along well with Burn Knuckles. Perhaps it was from your past experience with Big Deal, but you knew perfectly how to get the rowdy bunch to quieten down and listen. Of course, they loved you for your kind and unbiased nature - but they also loved your food. You grew close enough for them to comfortably call you noona.

                You felt relieved when Vasco gained new friends. Of course, they were an enigmatic bunch, almost as comedic as Vasco was, but you were grateful nonetheless. At least he had friends outside Burn Knuckles - not like it was a bad thing.

                Rumors were starting to circle. An illegal betting ring was starting to gain popularity, especially among students. You knew because one of your coworkers, John, had tried to borrow some money from you, though you wisely declined when he explained it was for betting.

                One of Vasco's friends, unfortunately, got caught up in the betting ring. You felt pity, as you stared down at the scrawny boy in front of you, looking like he was one sentence away from weeping his heart out at his money lost.

                Daniel Park, one of Vasco's friends, had called upon you late at night, requesting for your presence at a nearby convenience store. Apparently, they had been trying to help the boy get back his money, though literally nobody there was good enough at consoling him. Biting back a sigh, you tell Daniel you'd be there in five minutes.

                You smile kindly down at the boy, Jiho, who looks at you like a deity descended from heaven as his tears dry up almost instantaneously. "Don't be sad, we'll help you get your money back." You say. "Did you meet the people who ran the site, though? It'll help a lot."

                Jiho nods his head vigorously, smiling gratefully up at you through his thick lenses. "I did!" He exclaims in affirmation. "I know their names, too. This guy named John introduced me to the leader." You suppressed a sigh. Of course John was the one that made Jiho this messed up.

                "I don't know the leader's name, but he presented me to another guy, Jake Kim." Your heart stilled. Staring at Jiho, your head swam as your breathing became uneven, the loud thumping of your heart in your ears drowning out whatever Jiho was saying. Jake Kim? There was no way he would involve himself in illegal betting rings.

                "Jiho?" The boy paused in his rambles to look up at you, a small chill running up his spine as he sees the scary expression on your face, a blank yet terrifying aura around you, extremely unlike the usual kind and warm one you present people with. "What did Jake Kim look like?"

                "A-ah..." He paused, recalling the brief interactions he had with the teen. "He was very tall... and he had a lot of hair gel."

                Without the given circumstances, you would have laughed out loud. Of course the best way to identify Jake Kim was by his overly-gelled hair.

                But Jiho watched in surprise as you trembled slightly, a wild torrent of emotions clouding your eyes as you clutch his shoulder tighter. "Noona... are you okay?"

                At this point, you were acutely aware of the number of eyes watching your reaction in concern, ready to step in and console you at any moment.

                "Ah..." You lift your head, any trace of your previous panic attack gone in the blink of an eye as you smile widely at everyone. "Sorry, guys. I used to know a Jake Kim, but it must be a different guy." You laugh falsely, the sound grating your eardrums. "I need to get going now, my aunt's probably worried not knowing where I am." You bid them a quick goodbye, speedwalking away from the convenience store.

                Daniel Park watches you leave with furrowed eyebrows, staring at  your hunched form in worry. 'Strange,' He thinks to himself. 'For a moment there... she looked hurt.'

                Jace watches in sheer horror and shock as Jake Kim mercilessly pummelled Vasco to the ground, the former boy's fists soaked in blood. "Whew..." Jake hums, wiping his chin with one bloodied knuckle, sounding like he barely even broke a sweat. "You're persistent. It's impressive you managed to hang in like that." Jace clenches his fist.

                "Hey, friend." Jake Kim averts his gaze to Jace, who was still standing there in shock, disbelieving. "Take him and leave."

                With a start, Jace shifted his stance, clenching his fist as he prepared himself to attack, though his legs trembled in fear.

                "Hm? You want to fight now?" Jake nearly laughed, teasing the big-eared boy in front of him. "Did you hold yourself back not to embarrass your boss?" Jace merely stays silent, though a word from Vasco made him pause.

                "It's okay, Jace." The boy strains out, slowly getting up from the ground, his arms trembling from the effort. "I... will win."

                "Y-you can't!" Jace sputters out, helping his friend up from the floor, allowing Vasco to painfully lean some of his weight on him. "Vasco..."

                "I promised [Name] I would defeat bad guys." Vasco reassured, keeping his gaze levelled on Jake. "I won't disappoint her."

                "[Name]?" Jake softly repeats, his fighting stance relaxing as he stared at the two boys in front of him with a faraway look in his eyes. Shit, he should've realized how familiar that determination in Tabasco's eyes were. "You guys know [Name] [Last Name]?"

                Vasco exchanges a look with Jace, before simultaneously glaring protectively at Jake. "What's it to you?" Jace was the first to reply with a guarded look.

                "She's someone I knew a while back." He shakes himself out of his stupor, a small, bitter smile on his face. "I should've just listened to her instead of being so stubborn."

                "Here's the 100 million won for the month." Yeonhui places the last box of cash right beside Jake, her tone brusque. "Counted all of it with the girls."

                "Wait, hold on." Jake checks his clipboard again, eyebrows furrowed. "We were definitely a few million won short just yesterday. Did I count wrongly?" He looks up at Yeonhui, who suddenly had a shifty look in her eyes, glancing towards the door. Dread piled in Jake's gut as he thought of the worse. "Yeonhui, what did you do?"

                The woman's eyes widen. "We didn't sell our bodies or anything, you dimwit!" She whacks the man over the head, ignoring the bump that was beginning to form. As Jake nurses his skull with a small pout, she hesitates a little, looking at the empty peg with a Hello Kitty sticker pasted above it hanging on the wall. Jake recognized whose peg it was almost immediately - you used to hang your Big Deal coat on the same peg.

                "We just had a little extra help." Yeonhui finally says, her tone absolute, with no room for arguments. She pauses, as if fighting herself mentally, before taking out a small piece of paper and tossing it to Jake. "Read it. I'm going to tell everyone not to come in for the next half hour, you're going to need the privacy."

                And before Jake can reply, the woman had already sped out the door, shutting it firmly behind her. With nothing better to do, the man shrugs, unfolding the paper carefully. His heart drops as he reads the first line, and he has to lower the letter and stare blankly at the boxes of cash surrounding him, take a deep breath, and continue reading.

                'Dear Jake', the letter read. 'I hope this letter finds you in good health. I told Yeonhui to give this to you once things have settled down, or when you find out you've magically had a few more million won than before. I know you hate me because I wasn't there for Big Deal when you guys needed me the most, and I understand if you never want to see me again. I've moved to another part of Seoul because my aunt found a better paying job, and a part of me has moved on from whatever happened between us. For all it is worth, I'm sorry I wasn't by your side to support you through this tough time. Gun and Goo sound like a pair of cruel bitches. I'm sorry I wasn't able to protect Sinu, or keep Samuel from leaving Big Deal. He came to me, a few months after I'd left, with an offer to join his new sponsor, Workers. Of course I declined; even if I'm gone, I still love and cherish Big Deal with all my heart. My coat still hangs proudly in my room, and I wash it every month!

                'I'm not angry at you for acting as you did, Jake. I know that what I did, from your point of view, was wrong. I'm truly sorry. I know there's no way I can make up for what I did, but I'm trying, a little at a time, to help you. It must be tough for you, this new role and responsibilities that come with it. I'm sorry I'm not there to make it easier for you. Yeonhui's still sending me the tracklist for the 100 million won per month, and I'm still helping her calculate profits and suggest methods to increase them. Auntie's making more money than before, so sometimes I can slip in a few million won to help. I'm sorry if it's too little, I can send more if you want.

                'How is everyone at Big Deal? Does Jerry still have that little pink bike of his? Has Jason bought new shoes yet? Those red ones were looking really torn the last time I saw them. Tell Brad I love the nail art designs he sends me. If Yeonhui's still crying at night because she misses Sinu, give her a hug for me. I'm happy now. Even if you choose to forgive me, don't look for me, please? We'll all be okay if we just stick to now, forever. I'm sorry Jake. I hope you can forgive me.

                Yours truly,

                [Name] [Last Name]'

                Jake's eyes begin to water as he reads the last line. Then he finds himself rereading it from the first line again, until the tears in his eyes blur his vision and drip down onto his pants in little droplets. He stays like this for the next hour, reading and rereading, until he burns each and every word written from your soul deep into his aching heart.

                Vasco and Jace shared a curious look. They've never heard their senior speak of this strange, overly-gelled up man before, but a loud laugh from nearby made their heads whip towards the noise.

                "Well, this is interesting." The voice hums, as a man wearing tinted sunglasses appears, a cruel smirk on his face. The blood drains from Jake's face, and his fists clench tighter than ever. "You," he grits out, eyes blazing.

                "It's been a long time, Jake. How have you been?" Gun Park asks, in an almost amicable tone.

                Another year passed, and you were now an official J High graduate, working full-time at the cafe instead of part-time. The pay was much better, and the manager, a middle-aged woman, was kind enough to give you a bonus every two months, since you were one of her best and most loyal workers, which you deeply appreciated.

                The illegal betting ring situation was still plaguing the back of your mind, since you had heard rumors that Big Deal's leader was now in juvenile detention, but you currently had more issues to deal with than to dwell on it forever, like how the stupid espresso machine wasn't working again.

                As you wrestle with the insides of the demonic espresso machine, your mind flutters back to a few days ago, when Daniel Park had paid you a visit.

                "Jake Kim" Small Daniel says as soon as he sits down in front of you. You pause in your work, turning your head towards the shorter boy to give him a close-eyed smile. But even he could see through your mask.

                "I don't know what you're talking about, Daniel." You say, clenching tightly on the cup in your grasp, your words an underlying threat.

                The boy's adam's apple bobs nervously, but he still stares straight into your eyes fearlessly. You falter, previously wide smile dropping as you sigh, and Daniel catches a glimpse of pure exhaustion on your face.

                Setting down the cup, you motion for another worker to take over as you disappear in the back, probably to ask for a break, appearing once more as you take a seat opposite Daniel.

                "You got me," You say, shrugging carelessly, though inside, your heart was thumping loudly. "What do you want?"

                "You..." Daniel Park hesitates. "You know what happened to Sinu Han, right?"

                You hum in affirmation. A few weeks after your disgraceful step-down, Jason had secretly paid you a visit, telling you everything you had missed, including how Sinu had sold Big Deal.

                "Sinu Han's in an affiliation called Workers now, in the Second Affiliate. It's one of the Four Major Crews." Daniel Park explains, not missing a beat. "I want you to help us take down the Second Affiliate, by meeting Sinu Han."

                He doesn't expect you to laugh loudly, leaning back on your chair with faux relaxation. "I'm assuming I'm not the only one you came to with this offer." You hum, and Daniel Park tenses.

                "No," He admits truthfully. "I was planning on telling Jake Kim, too."

                He watches as you sigh, turning your head to look out the window, a faraway look in your eyes. He follows your gaze. A group of high schoolers were outside, laughing and shoving each other playfully. The picture of adolescent innocence.

                "You can make up with him," He presses stubbornly. "I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I know you guys can fix it-!"

                You smile, and Daniel is taken aback. It isn't your usual carefree and heartwarming grin, more like a pained and tired one. "If only it was that easy," You mumble, mostly to yourself. "Once upon a time, I would have wanted to. But now...?" You give him a helpless shrug. "He made it clear he hates me. Why should I be the one making the effort in saving a relationship he clearly doesn't want to preserve?"

                Daniel Park stares at you, with tears glistening in your eyes, and it finally dawns on him. "You liked him." He whispers, and you smile sadly back at him, not saying a word.

                "I'll send you the location," He stands up abruptly, eyes still ablaze with determination. "Exactly one week from now, my friends and I will be taking down the Second Affiliate."

                "Good luck, then." You hum, also standing up. "Goodbye, Daniel."

                Now is exactly a week from when he paid you a visit.

                Staring down at the address he gave you, you bite back a sigh as your head spins. Fuck.

                "I'm leaving early," You call out to your manager as you toss your apron on the front desk. "I'll make up for it some other time."

                "Alright, dear." She replies, smiling gently at your silhouette as you practically race out of the door. "Go chase that boy," She hums.

                Sinu Han was happy.

                Rather, he felt more regretful than happy. But seeing the gang he worked so hard to shape bowing in front of him, shouting their heartfelt greeting, even after not seeing or remembering him for three years, made his heart swell and his body feel so positively full. Big Deal was complete. But...

                "Where's [Name]?" Jake freezes as he catches Sinu's mumble, as Jerry, Brad and Jason exchange nervous glances. "Where's [Name]?" Sinu repeats, louder this time, as his voice carries for miles.

                His heart thumping wildly, Jake slowly looks up to see Sinu wide-eyed, afraid for the worst outcome. Shit, he thinks. If he finds out, he might lose his mind-!

                "I'm here, I'm here." A melodic female voice rings out, as everyone's head darts towards the entrance of the room, wide-eyed. "Jeez, no need to get all worked up."

                Jake's breath got caught in his throat.

                There you were, standing at the entrance, your Big Deal coat hanging loosely off your shoulders. Hands in your pocket, head tilted as you cooly regarded your former gang.

                Jake should have been happy to see you, alive and healthy. And yet...

                You silently walked through the neat formation, coming to a stop in front of Sinu, not even acknowledging Jake, who was beside him. The air was tense.

                "Welcome back, Sinu-oppa." You say blandly, forcing a tight smile on your face. "It's been a long time." Sinu smiles down at you, not sensing your awkwardness as he pats your head, making you freeze up.

                "Thanks, everyone." He says, a single tear dropping from his eyes. "How's everyone doing-?"

                "Sinu..." Another feminine voice mumbles in Japanese. "What are you doing?" Everyone turns towards the source of the voice, a small, trembling Japanese woman sitting on the couch. "You're joking, right?" She chokes out. "Stop fooling around. I'm not in the mood for this. You better cut it out." Mitsuki Sohma raises her head, a downright creepy look on her face as she shrieks at Sinu. "YOU NEED TO FIGHT FOR ME!!"

                A resounding slap echoes through the room as everybody sucks in a breath.

                "Cut that shit out," You glare down at Mitsuki, your hand stinging from the force of smacking her. "Stop running after a man that'll never love you. Whatever delusions you keep feeding yourself, that one day Sinu's going to marry you or something, you better force them out of your brain and flush them down the toilet before I do it for you."

                Everyone around you hold their breath as they stare at you, who was still scowling at the Japanese girl, holding her cheek as she trembled violently, tears running down her face.

                A chill suddenly runs through the room, and the hairs at the back of your neck rise. You slowly turn around, watching as the fearless gang you once knew part like the Red Sea, making way for a blonde Japanese man in a white coat whose face was so blank it made your heart nearly stop in fear.

                Kuroda Ryuhei. You've heard of him before. The leader of an infamous biker gang in Japan, rumored to have come all the way to Korea in pursuit of a woman 'like no other'. The rumors were true, then, you think, as you silently watch him pick up Mitsuki, bridal style, carrying her over to a sofa nearby, before turning around with an unsettling smile on his face.

                "Oi," Kuroda Ryuhei finally speaks in Japanese, the smile still on his face. "Who made her cry?" Nobody dared to speak, and you could feel the man's temper rise. He turns back to Mitsuki, and you glimpse his eyes becoming tender. "Hey, cutie." He hums softly. "Tell me, was it them?" He angles his head towards Jake and Sinu. "Tell me what you want me to do." And a chill runs down your spine as you hear the next sentence that comes out of this psycho's mouth. "If you want me to kill them, I will."

                "I did," The words fly out of your mouth faster than you had expected. At the corner of your eye, you see Jake's eyes widen; he clearly didn't expect you to defend them like this. "I made your girl cry." Your heart thunders in your ears as Kuroda Ryuhei slowly turns to look at you, and he looks almost amused to see another girl, besides Mitsuki, in the room.

                "You?" He hums. "Listen here, princess. I don't usually hit girls, but if you really made Mitsuki cry, I'm going to beat you up."

                "Come at me, then." You challenge, stepping closer to the blonde as you glare straight at him. "Let's see what the great Kagiroi is made of."

                I didn't mean that! You want to scream, but it's too late, as the biker's grin widens, and he pulls back his fist, prepared to punch you. You brace yourself as your life flashes before your closed eyes, and you hear the thud of flesh against fist, and you feel yourself fly back a little, but the hit never lands on your body.

                The smell of gel hits you first, then the familiar warmth. And as you slowly open your eyes, you feel Jake Kim's big, strong arms wrapped around you as his bicep blocks the punch, the shape of Kuroda Ryuhei's fist still heavily dented in his coat. "Don't you dare touch her," The man downright growls, his eyes ablaze with protectiveness. You flush a little, feeling the eyes of hundreds of Big Deal members looking at the two of you in shock.

                Ryuhei quietly observes the two of you, watching as Jake slowly releases you from his grasp, and you mutter a quiet thanks, the atmosphere between the two of you tense and awkward.

                "Ah," He suddenly smiles, and the two of you look at him. "You're just like me and Mitsuki." You flush a little at the comparison, and glare at him more heatedly, as Jake looks between the two of you in confusion, having known nothing of what the blonde had said.

                "Well, no matter." Ryuhei's smile disappears, and his intimidating aura returns. "He is willing to fight for you, no? Then I'll just kill him instead, for making Mitsuki cry." He leaps at the members of Big Deal, just as dozens of hands grab you and pull you behind the thick horde of Big Deal members, as the men protect you from the biker's wrath.

                You are lost in a sea of red, black and white, the iron tang of blood burning heavily in your nostrils.

                Big Deal streets smelled like home. You found yourself sat on a small plastic stool, blankly staring at the long rows of tables, filled to the brim with Korean street food of every kind. The place was abuzz; the smell of tteokbokki, ramyun, stir-fry and soju mixed together with the loud shouts and laughter of the members around you.

                You shifted slightly in your seat, self conscious of the gazes trained on your body. It was no secret that you were apparently the 'Fallen Angel of Big Deal', infamous for abandoning them during their downfall. The rumors went wild, but after Jake had explained the situation after reading your letter, they grew extremely protective of keeping your namesake safe, rumored to be going around and beating anyone who dragged your name in the dirt.

                Yeonhui and the girls quietly welcomed you with open arms. It was silently agreed that everyone would keep the fact that you had left for a while out of their mouths, until Sinu became a bit more mentally stable. For now, you just had to act normal around everyone - especially Jake.

                Speaking of Jake... your face grows hot as you recall how he had protected you with his body from getting punched by Kuroda Ryuhei. You knew it had to hurt; his arm was slightly trembling as he checked on you, pretending like it wasn't painful to move it around.

                Which is how you found yourself outside the warehouse you knew Jake would be inside. You stare at the door, mentally berating yourself for standing there like an idiot, because every time you tried to knock, your feet would just carry you away, before you walked back to the warehouse, embarrassed. If anyone had seen you, they'd think you were mentally ill.

                Finally, you throw all caution to the wind and knock sharply. "Jerry, I told you not to disturb me." His familiar voice grumbles from inside. albeit slightly muffled, and you deadpan. "It's not Jerry." You say clearly, your lips twitching as you listen to the clatter of an object hitting the floor, followed by rushed scrambles of someone with worn shoes rushing for the door, and you swallow your smile as you come face to face with a disheveled, wild-eyed Jake, clearly not expecting you to visit him.

                The boy breathes your name out, his eyes wide as saucers, and you shuffle your feet a little, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "Hi," You mumble a little. "You, um... weren't at dinner."

                "I- yeah." Jake nods along awkwardly. "I wasn't really hungry."

                "Oh," You nod along, and the silence is defeaning.

                "Um... did you need anything?" Just as he speaks, panic flashes in his eyes as he struggles to explain his seemingly rude words. "I'm not trying to be rude or anything! Sorry, I-"

                "It's fine," You crack a small smile. "I brought some ointment. Those hits must've really hurt." You hold up the small plastic bag you'd brought along, and Jake nods a little, smiling awkwardly as he opens the door wider to let you in.

                The first thing you are hit with is how poor the room looks. You weren't kidding. The walls were peeling, the cabinets were rusty, the light was flickering on and off, and the rugs were so brown you never could have imagined that it used to be royal blue - unless you were the one that bought it.

                You clicked your tongue as you pulled out a char to sit beside Jake, digging through your bag of first aid supplies. "Do you not clean this place anymore? How irresponsible of you."

                Jake cracks a small smile as he watches you unscrew the lid of your ointment, scooping out some of its contents, fondness shining clearly in his eyes. "I can't seem to do anything without you by my side, I suppose." He says softly, shyly testing the waters.

                It works, he thinks, as he sees your movements falter and your ears burn red. "Don't test it." You warn, but Jake knows there's no real bite behind your words. His smile grows wider.

                The two of you fall into comfortable silence as you tend to his wounds, as Jake admires your soft face and beautiful features. Fuck, he was an idiot for letting you go. Maybe it was the post-fight haziness, but he felt like he was on cloud nine just with your touch.

                Feeling his gaze on you, you look up from beneath your eyelashes, and Jake nearly has a heart attack. "What?" You say shyly, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

                Jake thinks he wants to start over with you. He wants to start his life with you. And as he searches your eyes, looking for the confirmation he needs that, just maybe, you felt the same way too, he decides to pop the question.

                "Forgive me?" He whispers, and you gulp, acutely aware of how close his face suddenly was to yours. Your mind goes blank. Even after years, he still looks so good, he's able to make your heart flip and butterflies dance to Moonlight Sonata in your stomach.

                Who cares about the past, You think hazily, smiling a little as you remember one particular memory. "Yeonhui told me you cried for an hour after reading my letter." You whisper instead, shifting your face away as you close the lid of the ointment, bending down to place it back into the plastic bag as you bring out a roll of bandages.

                You enjoy watching as Jake's face falls from the corner of your eye, content with torturing him just a little bit more. "I told her not to tell anyone," He groans, running a palm down his face.

                "Mm, I don't think so." You dance around him with your words as you begin to wrap his scar-littered arms, acutely aware of the muscles flexing beneath your touch. "Practically the whole of Big Deal knows, even without Yeonhui saying anything. She may have only told me, but even a fool could guess."

                He watches you quietly, a tinge of playfulness in his voice as he replies. "Well, I guess I'm a fool for you." He replies, and you snort. Jake's face positively lights up, and you are immediately reminded of a puppy being told 'good boy'.

                He is silent until you finish wrapping the bandages, before whispering once more, "Forgive me?" You tie your plastic bag up, straightening your back to stare directly into Jake's hope-filled eyes.

                And finally, you crack a smile, and the charming grin on Jake's face spreads wider. "I thought it was obvious I've already forgiven you?" You murmur with a small smile.

                And when Jake Kim leans forward to kiss you, fireworks explode and swan perform mating dances in your brain.

[bomberqueen17]

liveblogging the aubreyad 1: Master & Commander

ok so. i'm going to liveblog my reread of the Patrick O'Brian Jack Aubrey series of books, in potentially more or less detail, because it's something to do and it's funny. Starting with book 1, Master & Commander, copyright date 1969, which I definitely first read in like 1991 when I was waaaaay too young to understand approximately half the references. There will be spoilers. There may or may not be an accurate representation of the entire contents of the series. We'll see how long I keep this up. I wish I could write it in the entertaining style of my Wee Precious Flower Prince Geralt Witcher 3 playthroughs of yore but those were written under 1) quarantine confinement, 2) incredible amounts of gin, 3) after collaborative sessions, and I just can't make that happen solo.

But I will do my poor, reduced, older and more sedate best. I promise that while these books are not quite as dramatically crack-addled as Witcher 3, they are weirder than you think, which is critical.

OK so. We start off swinging with the meet-ugly. In fair Port Mahon we lay our scene, in the year 1800 (or 1801?? we also start off swinging with never quite having the tiny details quite laid down), we meet our fair hero Jack Aubrey, a six-foot, well-built, yellow-haired lieutenant in the Royal Navy, a cheerful high-spirited cove who immediately pisses off the unpleasant little man sitting next to him at this chamber music concert by singing along to the music. Relatable reaction by the unpleasant little man, to be sure. Aubrey is having a bad time, though— he has not been promoted and he doesn’t have a ship so he has nothing to do but get in trouble, and his spirits are too low to get into a fight with the unpleasant little man, though he briefly considers it. We soon find out that the sole bright spot in Jack's life is that he's fucking his boss’s wife, which seems like a bad idea but who are we to judge. But lo! He gets back to the inn where he’s staying only to find a letter informing him that he has been promoted! He is now the master and commander of his very own ship, which we are informed is a sloop. Also throwing us into the deep end of Listen Baby It’s Just Vibes. The nautical language and technical shit comes fast and thick and if you just sort of roll with it you figure it out. Don’t Worry About It. There Will Be Context Clues.

Now that Jack is professionally fulfilled he is happy, and so the next morning when he happens to see his unpleasant little man from the previous night, he shows his true colors: he immediately bounds across the street and wholeheartedly, unreservedly apologizes for being a dipshit, like the golden retriever he really is at heart. The unpleasant little man is so shocked by this that he loses all his unpleasantness, has a really nice conversation with Jack, and immediately gets distracted by the sighting of a rare bird. Stephen Maturin is now successfully introduced, exactly as he means to go on as well. He is a physician, but his patient died and he's stuck without money to get home, literally sleeping rough because no one will answer his letters and he's out of cash. Jack meanwhile has a ship with no surgeon on it, and a vacancy, and they like one another, so it seems a simple solution. And so Stephen shall go to sea.

I suppose, really, that’s the genius of this series. The characters are round, complicated creatures, with obvious and consistent surface qualities but also equally consistent, apparently-contradictory, deeper qualities. Even minor characters sometimes possess this level of depth. Even the cartoony-awful little shit Harte (sometime captain, then admiral, the boss whose wife Jack has been fucking but in Jack's defense so is everybody else) has depths. Unpleasant depths, but he's got reasons and motivations and you do really believe in him; this pays off in book 8 in particular.

We meet Jack's first command, the Sophie, the loveliest tiniest little ship ever, staffed by a pack of utter weirdos. TOM PULLINGS makes his first appearance (he is my favorite supporting character throughout the series, so he will be capitalized henceforth) along with his delightful henchman (the other senior midshipman) Mowett who is James in his first and last appearances and most of the others but for some reason becomes William for a while in the middle, most notably in book 8, and has thus passed into the movie as William. Those are our master's mates, or senior midshipmen. In O'Brian's typical fashion we don't get really concrete physical descriptions of them in the normal sense, but instead get really evocative but nonspecific ones. TOM PULLINGS is "a big shy master's mate", elsewhere specified to be sort of gangly, long and thin, young, with a country accent and foremast-jack antecedents (i.e. started out as a regular sailor and was promoted, instead of the more normal approach where a family of means sends a son to sea as a midshipman), who absolutely blossoms under Jack Aubrey's leadership-by-enthusiastic-example, and we will see him through most of the rest of the series continuing on this trajectory with great competence and charming humbleness.

James Mowett gets a great introduction. He's had a few lines prior to this, mostly repetitively described as (and shown to be) cheerful and generally enthusiastic about things, running around and getting to be the one to fetch Stephen from the shore, and later we find out that he is a prolific writer of somewhat-terrible poetry, which we'll get plenty of excerpts of over the course of the series. But his first real description is:

“James Mowett was a tubular young man, getting on for twenty; he was dressed in old sailcoth trousers and a striped Guernsey shirt, a knitted garment that gave him very much the look of a caterpillar."

There are also the youngsters. Meet my beloved son William Babbington, a miniature midshipman of between eleven and thirteen who has every venereal disease and gets drunk a lot. He also cries and swears a whole lot, mostly while sober. I love him immoderately and we will see him in several more of the books. He never gets much taller or less obsessed with womanizing. Adolescence was hard in the Georgian era. (Yes, this is the Georgian era; the Victorian era does not begin for another thirty years.)

“'I suppose you grow used to living here,' [Stephen] observed, rising cautiously to his feet. 'At first it must seem a little confined.' 'Oh, sir,' said Mowett, 'think not meanly of this humble seat, Whence spring the guardians 'of the British fleet! Revere the sacred spot, however low, Which formed to martial acts an Hawke! An Howe !' 'Pay no attention to him, sir,' cried Babbington, anxiously. 'He means no disrespect, I do assure you, sir. It is only his disgusting way.”

Throughout this series, O'Brian so so so vividly shows and describes the many phases of awkwardness that young men go through especially in military settings. It's incredibly vivid; the breaking voices, the smells, the idiotic capers, the weeping, the complete lack of foresight, the incredible cruelty and also loyalty and bravery, the sheer adolescent enthusiasm coupled with shocking laziness.

We also get some insight into contemporary social mores through the introduction of Marshall, the sailing master (a warrant officer)-- 1) he's gay and 2) Jack Aubrey is extremely his type. Different people's different attitudes toward this unspool throughout various points of the book, but the critical point is that Jack Aubrey himself has absolutely zero gaydar and while he has heard the rumor about Marshall's tendencies, he doesn't care about that stuff, studiously avoids enforcing any of the regulations against it, and he absolutely never at any point relates this to himself, and never ever realizes why the man is so driven to excel at his job. Not even when an injury to his head and face gives Jack a horrible haircut and worse appearance, and Marshall is horrified and dispirited about it; Jack never twigs just what's amiss.

To be fair to Jack, many many many of the men aboard also respond to him in a similar, though crucially different, way. This is a common thing in this kind of cooped-up little setting; you have a guy who's in charge and gives you positive feedback and like, immediately you'll die for that guy, which is kind of how the military works because you may in fact have to literally die for that guy and it's easier if you're intrinsically motivated in some way. And Jack is very, very good at this in most cases, at taking the measure of the people under his command and getting them to respond to him.

(We can return to Mowett for an explicit example: “'You may light up the sloop, Mr Mowett, and show her our force: I don't want her to do anything foolish, such as firing a gun - perhaps hurting some of our people. Let me know when you have laid her aboard.' With this [Jack] retired, calling for a light and something hot to drink; and from his cabin he heard Mowett's voice, cracked and squeaking with the excitement of this prodigious command (he would happily have died for Jack), as under his orders the Sophie bore up and spread her wings.”)

Anyway so back to the plot summary: a very good side plot throughout is that the ship's first lieutenant, James Dillon, is an Irishman, and he and Stephen Maturin were both involved in the Irish rebellion in 1798. When they meet, James recognizes Stephen, and cautiously sounds him out about having met before, and Stephen very coolly replies we've never met but you must be thinking of my cousin who looks just like me but uglier, *so* ugly, he has the face of an informer, and everyone hates an informer and james is like Ah. You Are Absolutely Correct Sir We Have Never Met. This subplot develops into a delicious meditation on divided loyalties and the agony of staying true to oneself while doing what one must do. Highly recommended, A++. Begins to give us some insight into the various depths of Stephen, who doesn't understand tides or wind and hasn't the sense to come in out of the rain but has a deep and complicated history and identity and above all an incredible capacity for ruthlessness, absolutely none of which Jack understands.

Stephen and James in dialogue when they're finally in privacy enough to discuss it (Stephen is the first speaker, James the second):

“I speak only for myself, mind - it is my own truth alone - but man as part of a movement or a crowd is indifferent to me. He is inhuman. And I have nothing to do with nations, or nationalism. The only feelings I have -for what they are - are for men as individuals; my loyalties, such as they may be, are to private persons alone.'' "Patriotism will not do?'' "My dear creature, I have done with all debate. But you know as well as I, patriotism is a word; and one that generally comes to mean either my country, right or wrong, which is infamous, or my country is always right, which is imbecile." ''Yet you stopped Captain Aubrey playing Croppies Lie Down the other day.” "Oh, I am not consistent, of course; particularly in little things. Who is? He did not know the meaning of the tune, you know. He has never been in Ireland at all, and he was in the West Indies at the time of the rising. [...] But as for that song, I acted as I did partly because it is disagreeable to me to listen to it and partly because there were several Irish sailors within hearing, and not one of them an Orangeman; and it would be a pity to have them hate him when nothing in the manner of insult was within his mind's reach.”

uhhhhhhh but meanwhile: Jack Aubrey and the Sophies wreak havoc in the Mediterranean and make a lot of money and enemies, to the point that the local merchants band together to commission a fairly serious ship expressly to fuck them up. They meet this ship unsuspectingly, manage just in time to disguise themselves, and Stephen hails the ship and asks them in bad Spanish if they know anything about treating the plague, could they send a doctor over, could they spare any medicine. This scares them off and they go away. But now the Sophies know what this ship looks like and what armament it has. So the next time they meet it, they fight it, and so the tiny 14-gun Sophie with 82 men and boys aboard manages to capture the 32-gun Cacafuego with 319 men aboard, and it's very gallant and dashing and probably should not have worked, but it does.

And a little later, the Sophie accidentally meets a pair of very powerful French ships and gets taken in return despite doing some really heroic evasive manoevers.

The French are super nice to them, and we meet a French ship captain named Christy-Palliere who becomes a recurring character, who has English cousins and speaks great English and is both charming and nice, saying things like gather ye rose pods while ye may and being generally gallant. Until some even more powerful English ships heave into view, and the tables turn, but even then Christy-Palliere remains gallant and well-behaved.

We end the book with the court-martial. Any officer who loses his ship for any reason has to go before a court of sea captains to ascertain whether he did everything in his power to avoid losing his ship. So all the officers of the Sophie, including the midshipmen, including the surgeon, have to testify about this. (I feel like the other warrant officers should also have had to testify? but they weren't there and i'm not sure why. TOM PULLINGS is also not mentioned in the scene which he absolutely should be present for, so it's possible that they were just omitted for time.)

“They had each received an official notification the day before, and for some reason each had brought it with him, folded or rolled. After a while Babbington and Ricketts took to changing all the words they could into obscenities, secretly in a corner, while Mowett wrote and scratched out on the back of his, counting syllables on his fingers and silently mouthing. Lucock stared straight ahead of him into vacancy.”

Spoiler: the jury decides that there's not really anything more a 14-gun sloop could have done against two French ships of the line, so they exonerate Captain Aubrey for the loss of his sloop, and thus ends the book.

[nerdieforpedro]

One small step for man…

One giant leap for Dieter Bravo

Based on this Moodboard created by the wonderful @secretelephanttattoo that she made for the Get Dieter Sober event to celebrate @bitchesuntitled ‘s milestone! 😎 ❤️

My entire masterlist and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI. I do not consent to my work being used in AI, recommended on TikTok, borrowed or plagiarized.

Summary: The only thing that can motivate Dieter Bravo better than sex or an interesting script is a grudge. Who cares if we’re talking about space? If Bravo can finally one-up Leonardo DiCaprio, he’ll take his chance, no matter the effort. Turns out it was good for him in the long run.

Warnings: Nerdie style bad humor, various celebrity mentions, no specified ages for Edna and Fred but assume they’re sixty-five and over for the plot, a goat (because when I write Dieter, 8/10 times he will have a goat), space?, DiCaprio slander and implied drug and sexual activity just not in detail, also BBQ.

Word Count: a little under 1.3k

Notes: El suggested that a crack fic should be written and leave it to a five hour plane ride for inspiration 🤣 So here we are. She did look it over and laughed so that’s really all it took for me to post it. 🥰 There’s no reader, just two OCs Edna and Fred who are living the life we want to live honestly.

Main Masterlist/ Dieter Bravo Masterlist/ AO3 Link

The only time Dieter Bravo thought of space is when he would stare up at the stars naked with only his fluffy grey robe on and yellow crocs on in his backyard. It’s normally when he needs to take five from whatever party/orgy/gathering/sex toy exchange he’s decided to have this week.

There had been a recent announcement that NASA was looking for Oscar winners to sent into space to not only find a new planet for earthlings to live but also negotiate and exchange information with any extraterrestrials they may come across. Given the deceptive skills and adaptive vibes actors have, there a buzz about who may be selected to fly out into unknown reaches with a crew of astronauts. Hallie Berry and Jamie Lee Curtis had already been selected and for men, there was one slot left as (insert some dude’s name) was announced. There were still six months left and more male Oscar winners were throwing their hat into the ring.

One name irked Dieter beyond all reason given that he actually a nice guy, but Bravo deserves it more than him: Leonardo DiCaprio. Doesn’t matter that he’s a stalwart advocate of green policies and climate change. Dieter should have been able to be in ‘The Wolf of Wall Street.’ It was basically written for him and the life he lives now. Though peering back at his home, he’s going to have to give this up for a while if he wants to be considers for the program. Leo only have to give up the liquor and twenty-five year olds. Dieter’s got to give up his wide array of drugs, though since he’s fine with men and women of all legal ages old and younger, he can just let the older women and men come at him. That one lady Edna pops her teeth out and hoo boy does she do some things with those gums. Fred is one guy who knows about those gams and if you know, you know. There’s always his trustworthy emotional support goat Cookie who’s white with black spots who gave a strong “baa!” When asked if he should give it a shot.

After the night’s festivities and clean up the next day, Dieter informs his team of his plan. They are shocked somewhat, they’re aware of his one-sided grudge and if it will motivate him off the drugs, they’re willing to lean all the way in. To ensure Bravo’s success, they do a through sweep of all his homes, cars and vacation spots. They also limit his contacts and ask Edna and Fred to stay with Dieter. They’re sure that the three of them are ducking but Dieter’s also learning some chess, shuffleboard, bingo, dominoes and some mandarin from Edna’s husband, rest his sweet soul. Cookie nibbled on everyone’s ankles and stayed looking cute as is her role.

It’s announced the next month that Dieter Bravo is going for the last Oscar space on the Galactic Noah’s Ark. Most think the choice is insane and mock in relentlessly but as time marches on, Dieter gains more supporters as he’s looking and feeling better. He also gets a lot of retirees and AARP members on his side as his two housemates interview with their magizine under the guidance of Dieter’s media team.

There’s memes, TikToks, interviews and a cribs episode showing off Dieter’s new healthy lifestyle and feature his two friends Edna and Fred. Edna is sunbathing naked and it had to be blurred out entirely but was still aired surprisingly. It was touted as support for not only all body types but representing older women who are just living life. Fred was cooking up some barbeque on a grill in his plaid shorts and orange sherbert polo shirt with dress shows on and a kiss the chef apron on. He told the interview that it’s been pretty cool getting to know Dieter over the years and that he had enough hair on his chest for the both of them. It garnered a laugh and they were asked what their families thought of them being in a throple with Doeter Bravo. Edna said it was pretty fun and she’d raised her children so it was her time. She should spend the twilight of her years, doing what she wants to do and then doing Dieter. She then called him a “nice young man who’s a cutie patootie.” Cookie let out a loud “baa!” As if to agree and went to eat some grass.

There were some that had an issue with the throple aspect saying that such a lifestyle should be sent into space, but it was argued that since Dieter was rather fluid in his sexuality it should bode well for communicating with other life forms. Debates continued while Dieter kept clean, worked with Paul Mesal and his trainer to get stronger and in better shape. The speculation was that maybe Paul was now added to the throple making it a square, and as many pundits called Edna ‘the luckiest damn woman on earth.’ Paul said that he’d love to be cool enough to be in the throple but when he’s stopped by and saw both Hallie Berry and Adria Arijona there, he said that he didn’t stand a chance. The two women were just there to visit Dieter as they’d worked with him on previous projects which their reps seconded. They did stay for a week though but mainly just to meet Edna and Fred who they thought were so amazing.

Paul visited again with Denzel Washington, his wife Pauletta who Bravo normally has tea with and it turns out Edna knows Pauletta from their old sorority. Public opinion was turning in Dieter’s favor as Leo was keeping a low profile. Well outside of breaking up with his girlfriend on her twenty-sixth birthday. That didn’t go over well.

The deadline was approaching for who would be selected out of the two men so the media decided they should have a sit down. It was to fill air time but Dieter Bravo was looking forward to it. He felt stronger, a little leaner but given the barebeque Fred cooks up and sweets Edna makes, he still has small belly. DiCaprio looks lean but has bags under his eyes from sleeping alone without his girlfriend and only his Oscar in the bed.

Both men were ask questions about what they would do if they encountered aliens, what to do to get along with fellow crew members, what they might eat in space, how they would establish and keep good vibes going and what kind of planet would they want to live on. The questions were going fine until Leonardo said that he felt sick during the sit down and had to go to the hospital. Given that he was so sick from not sleeping, it looked as though Dieter was the clear winner and was announced as such a week later.

Dieter Bravo is going into space over that pretentious prick!

A celebration party with sparkling wine, kool-aid, Edna’s sweet potatoes, Fred’s smoked pork shoulder and some Mac and cheese brought over by the Washingtons is has that evening. Did Dieter ever expect to be sober? No, but he didn’t expect it to be this full with friends either.

The Oscar winner is once again standing in his backyard while festivities occur inside, though they’re calmer and full of laughter instead of groans and sweaty bodies. He’s fully clothed, in his crocs, brown pijama pants and t-shirt holding Cookie and petting her. “I did it girl. I’m clear as a bell and going to space. I wonder of they probe or have tentacles. Who knows? But I’m going to find out. May the vibes be with us Cookie.”

May the vibes be with everyone but especially the following 😘:

@morallyinept @schnarfer @chronically-ghosted @sp00kymulderr @covetyou

@yopossum @whocaresstillthelouvre @toomanytookas @beefrobeefcal @trulybetty

@sin-djarin @megamindsecretlair @soft-persephone @604to647 @chaithetics

@inept-the-magnificent @djarinmuse @sunshinehaze1 @lotusbxtch @yorksgirl

@westside-rot @maggiemayhemnj @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @readingiskeepingmegoing

@littlemisspascal @pascalsanctuary @tinytinymenace @yorksgirl

[falloutjuli]

Hey I love your blog! That post that you wrote with y/n moving in with Chuuya had me kicking my feet and screaming it’s just *chefs kiss* perfect ❤️‍🔥 if your requests are open can I ask for Chuuya and Dazai with an artsy reader who loves to crochet and make them small clothing pieces/plushies? I’m so down bad for these men istg

Thank you so much for your nice words! It really means a lot to me to hear that you like it. Chuuyas part is shorter (no pun intended :D), since I struggled to write more. If I later come up with more ill come back to edit this post. For now, I hope you enjoy this! Dazais scenario was a lot of fun specifically!

_______________ Chuuya Nakahara/Dazai Osamu x artist!Reader!

Warnings: Dazai typical suicide mentions, Crack _______________

Requests are currently open!

Masterlist - Rules for Requests

Dazai:

Adores his plushie mini-me.

Definitely showed it around the ADA, asking everyone “You see this? They made it for me! Me! The similarity is striking, isn’t it?”

Requested a crocheted noose for his mini-me, so that “He can live the dream.”

Kunikida eventually got annoyed because instead of working Dazai kept playing with his plush, so he banished it to Dazais locker.

He now hangs it in there by the noose every time, not wanting Kunikida to potentially confiscate it.

You invited Dazai to make more mini plushies with you, which he did take you up on.

And while your skilled hands got Mini Ranpo, Atsushi, Yosano, Fukuzawa, Kyouka, Kenji and the Tanizaki siblings done, Dazai worked on Kunikidas mini me.

Definitely drew angry eyebrows on Kunikidas already rough looking doll, giggling like a madman.

“Hey there!”You called into the office, quickly slipping in with a giftbag and some baked goods. You were immediately greeted by the ADA staff who coincidentally were all gathered in the main room.

Dazai already knew why you were here, so he happily spun in his chair, his sly grin ever so present on his face. Before you could even set the plates of muffins down, Ranpo had already stolen two off it, peeking in the giftbag as he did. “As a thanks for helping me out last month, I made all of you something!” You proclaimed and started giving everyone their mini-me.

Fukuzawa thanked you wholeheartedly, unable to hide the big smile when he spotted the cat you made extra for him. Kenji and Yosano both inspected the cute plushes, marveling at the details, like Yosanos Butterfly accessories and chainsaw and Kenjis little hat and street sign.

Ranpos Mini-me was promptly placed on his desk, while he was busy eating the muffins you had brought along. Atsushi kept asking how you were able to do that and if he could learn it too and Kyouka just starred at hers with a blushing face, only able to mutter a quiet “Thank you!”when you passed her a muffin.

As you shuffled to Kunikida, you whispered your apologies to him, while Dazai presented Mini-Kunikida. The proportions looked off, it wasn’t as well made as the others and the big black marker made eyebrows had the ADA laugh as the blond took it from your boyfriend.

“Thank you..I’m guessing you made it, Dazai?”He asked, unsure what to say to the plush.

“Yes! One hundred percent handmade, with these Hands!”Dazais said, showing off his hands.

While everyone was talking, showing off their gifts to one another, Dazai pulled you close, hugging you from behind.

----

Chuuya:

His plushie sits on his work desk and if someone makes it fall off, he will pretend to not care, but he will softly pick it up to put it back on its place once they leave.

Normally not the kind of guy to integrate crotched clothing into his styles but he changes it a little so he can wear something you made when hes casually out and about.

Became a big fan of the socks you made for him, all with patterns to match him of course.

Tried crocheting with you once, but its not really his thing. He does like watching you though or helping you if you need it, while he sits next to you doing his own thing.

Offers you to buy anything you need. Need new materials? Well get ready to be taken shopping and if you as much as look at something, it’ll be put in your basket.

Would 100% ask for a crotched dog, made to look like the one from his favorite movie.

“Doll?”He asks, watching as you resumed your pattern, after taking a sip from your share of the wine. “Yes Chuu?”

”You think you could make me a dog plush? Like the one from ‘The boy and The Puppy’?”

You laughed, leaning onto his shoulder as you continued. “Sure! I’ll finish this one and then see what I can do.”

He pressed a kiss on top of your head, smiling already just thinking about the tiny plush.

It took a while until you had it ready, you did the final steps while enjoying a nice evening with him on the couch, watching said movie.

“There. It’s all done!” You finally proclaimed and sat your material down, before handing Chuuya the newly made plush.

You thought you had outdone youreself this time, it looked so much like the dog from the movie, so you hoped Chuuya would love it just as much.

The ginger spun it around looking at it in awe.

“I still can’t believe you can just create things like this. Thank you so much!”

He quickly gave you a kiss, pulling you close to cuddle with you, as his eyes kept darting from his plush to the movie template.

"I am so lucky to have you, doll." He mumbled, still not believing that his partner could make all these lovely presents for him.

From his mini-me plush, to the wine themed socks you made and now this plushie he will forever treasure all these little things you made specifically for him.

[adobe-outdesign]

since u reviewed the other three dragon neopets, maybe you could review the draik next? it's one of my favorite neopets!

Draiks are one of four (4) dragon Neopets, which is entirely too many. Despite coming last however, it does feel like they're one of the more memorable dragon designs on the site.

Part of the reason for this is that Draiks are restricted Neopets, which is a fancy way of saying that you can't make them through Create-A-Pet the way you can almost every other species. Instead, you have to either use a morphing potion or get a Draik egg item and bring it to the Draiks' Nest page. Thankfully TNT has made Draiks much easier to get over the years due to wide releases of morphing potions among other things, reducing them from an elite status symbol to just a somewhat less common pet with a neat gimmick.

The other reason is that Draiks have an usually slim and detailed design for Neopets. There's no hard rules for Neopets, but they generally skew towards thicker and almost chibi-ish in terms of proportions—think like the Scorchio. The Draik's slender body stands out amongst the more standard dragon designs, as does details like the subtle speckling. It also helps that they have a lot of really good colour options.

Base colour wise, the light grey accents work well as they blend with any given color and don't overpower the design. The color distribution is also very good, with the large swaths of grey used on both the underbelly and on the wings and ear fins. Meanwhile, the eyes pop due to a combo of red and yellow.

Visually, I also really like how the little whiskers by the mouth are matched by ones on the head (which are missing from some colours?) and the ear fins, and how the fins mimic the shape of the wings. It feels very well thought-out and cohesive.

Draiks were improved greatly by customization and I am prepared to die on this hill. The old art had such a weird expression, like it just accidentally dropped your iPhone into the pool and is trying to figure out how to gently break the news to you. The way everything is cluttered towards the center of the body also makes the silhouette very hard to read, and the red head hairs ruin the cohesion thing I mentioned earlier. The tail standing is sort of neat, but unlike Meercas I don't think think they've really ever done this outside of the original pet art.

Favorite Colours:

Maraquan: A particularly pretty design, the Maraquan Draik looks a bit like a lionfish crossed with an eel. The whit base with the orange and magenta accents looks really nice, and the subtle changes to the design—one back fin instead of two wings, fins around the tail, long whiskers—feel appropriately aquatic but keep the species recognizable.

The converted version is very similar to the UC/styled version, just flipped. However, it always felt subtly off to me, and after some investigation I've figured out that it's because, in addition to shorter whiskers and a slightly smaller head, the head isn't turned enough relative to the body so it doesn't quite connect right. It's a minor thing but it low-key drives me nuts.

Chocolate: The chocolate Draik, while not necessarily unusual for the color, looks really nice. I love the use of wafers for the wings and fins and the subtle cracks. The white chocolate parts add nice contrast and the chocolate topping and whipped cream add some nice finishing touches.

Mutant: The mutant Draik has much more realistic dragon-like proportions than usual, which makes it look particularly different compared to the usual delicate design. I do think it looks more zombie-like than mutant-like due to the exposed brain and ragged wings (plus the base anatomy remains unchanged), but it's still a good design regardless.

Both versions are fine, but the UC/styled one is just a superior take overall; better shading and beefier proportions in things like the tail and arms, plus the cool tongue. I honestly don't know why they changed it, seeing as mutants can't wear clothes and nothing significant changed; it's like they didn't have vector files so they redid the entire thing instead of properly redrawing over it.

BONUS: Speaking of Draik colors that got butchered in conversion, the Tyrannian Draik is a travesty. The UC/styled design has a triceratops-like head crest, which works because the head is incredibly flat. I get that there was no good way to convert it, but maybe just... don't, then? Regardless, the original design is great. I really details like the banding on the feet, hands, and nose horn, the subtle speckling, and the nice brown/greenish-grey contrast.

[bluejay-flies]

Design Contest Results

It’s time to reveal the winners of the design contest! First off, I want to give a huge thank you to everyone who joined. Your enthusiasm and dedication to this was amazing to see. This could not have happened without you guys, so thank you!

Before I reveal the winners, I’d like everyone to take a look at and appreciate the amazing designs everyone’s created. Truly, this was even harder to judge than last year, every single design deserves a medal.

This design is by @ricksoo! I love how you have the power radiating from their chest and flowing through their body like veins. It’s such a nice detail, especially since the power surge in their chest is shaped like a flower blossom! Awesome job ^^

This design is by @haycoat-art! Choosing to take the bluebonnet prompt and make it a porcelain Mewtwo is such a creative idea, and I think it turned out beautifully! The pattern is gorgeous, and I love the detail of the cracks leaking water(I think? It might be blood), because of course a Mewtwo made of porcelain would be delicate. The creativity for this one is astounding!

This design is by @altaria-andthe-two! Absolutely gorgeous art, the flower at the end of the tail is beautiful! The leave sprouting from the base of the tail and the flowers creeping up their second neck and around their head has such a cool effect. Such a neat design!!

This design is by @tokyoteddywolf! The patterns on this one are just beautiful, the wavy lines almost seem like water, and the fade between colors on the tail mimics a bluebonnet wonderfully. I love how this one is more blue themed, with the only bit of green being the bluebonnet they’re holding. Amazing design!

This design was by @risingbrightness! My favorite part of this one is how the tail fades from blue to white to yellow. Blue and white can be difficult to fade into each other and not look too abrupt, and you did it perfectly! The little cape they have with a bluebonnet broach is so freaking cute, I just want to give this Mewtwo a hug. Awesome job!!

This design is by @fluffymuffincentral! I love this mew so much, the fluffy chest fur seems to mimic flower petals, and the little white spots all over their body seem like stars. Such a beautiful (and huggable!) mew!! Such a cool design ^^

This design is by @elegantcollectionpenguin! This design uses a lot more yellow than any of the others, and I honestly love it so much!! It contrasts the blue and purple so nicely, which can be difficult to do because they’re very different colors. You’ve managed to pull it off stunningly! Amazing work, they’re such a pretty ‘two!

This design is by @sketchbook-gal-xe! I love how you added leopard spots, that’s such a cool take on the bluebonnet patterns!!!! I love love love that the spots on the tail slowly fade from white to a darker green, it just looks so pretty! Awesome job!

(in case people were wondering, I accidentally left this one out of the original post. I can’t believe I forgot it!!! It’s so pretty!! I’m so sorry about that ^^’)

This was by @mushroom-for-art!! Bonbon is such a cute name for this guy! The tail being a flower seems to be a common theme for these, but every single person has done it slightly differently. I love how the flowers are mostly white with yellow pollen, the edges slightly tinged with blue. The vines extending from the base of the tail are gorgeous as well, and together it gives such a nice, flowery vibe. Such an amazing design! ^^

This design was by @starintheday! I love how this one uses so many blues and purples, they all go so well together. And the contrast of the green tipped tail and paws looks super cool! I love a stripy mew and this is exactly what that is. Amazing job!!

This design was made by @jet-the-hedgehog! Before I say anything about the design, I want you to know your style is freaking adorable. Those eyes!! I love them!! As for the colors, it’s so cool that you have the face almost completely white. The fade between that and the blue of the body is really neat, it looks a lot like how the flower’s coloring fades in really life! And of course, the stem-like tail really ties the whole theme together. Well done!!

This is by @vanessa-the-mewtwo! Oh my gosh, this one is just absolutely stunning. The flower crown, the vines wrapping around the tail and the tip being the flowery petals, and the ears being un-opened flower buds all contribute to such a regal looking mew, not to mention the flower wrist cuffs! Such a fancy little guy, they’re rightfully name Quiing. They look like a King!! Such an amazing design. Bravo!

This design was by @ghost1286! I love the contrast with the deep blue of the tail and the purple at the tip! It looks super cool, and I honestly think the abrupt change of color rather than a slow fade had a really nice effect. Awesome design!!

This design was by @waffledragon10! The flowers around the neck are stunning-they genuinely look real!! I love how fluffy and flowery they are, and the stem tail breaking off at the end into leaves is really beautiful. Another gorgeous, regal mew!!

This design is by @gunllet! Easily the most unique out of everyone, I really like the armor on them! It’s a really neat idea to have it attached to their body, and it looks really painful, poor guy :(

Awesome design!

And finally, this design is by @a-shy-mimiktwo! You went for darker blues than most people, and I really love how it turned out! The sharper fades look really cool, and I love the yellow tipped tail. It goes so well with the rest of the colors! Such a cool design ^^

And that’s all of the designs! Genuinely, this was the hardest decision I’ve had to make in a while. Everyone did so well, I just sat here on my phone for probably an hour typing out this post and just utterly baffled at how I was going to choose the winners.

But here they are!! Please, give your congratulations to these three people and their designs.

In first place, we have….

@haycoat-art’s design!! What won me over was the sheer creativity of it. I’d have never thought someone would do a porcelain Mewtwo, and then you pull this beautiful design out of your pocket! Amazing job.

In second place, we have…

Quiing by @vanessa-the-mewtwo!! I just love how regal looking they are, and the amount of care you put into the flower and leaf placement is amazing. Such a cool design!

And finally, in third place, we have…

@waffledragon10’s design!! Third place was the hardest for me to choose, everyone did such an amazing job. I had at least five designs I couldn’t choose between! But in the end, the flowery ruff just pulled me in. It’s like a whole garden in there, and I just think it’s such a cool idea!! Wonderful design ^^

And that’s it! Winners, you can DM me a picture of the character you’d like me to draw, and I’ll have it done ASAP! Everyone has full ownership of their designs and can use them for whatever they want, no credit needed. You made it after all!

To everyone who joined, thank you so much for participating. It made me so happy to see everyone’s art, and I’d love to do another when we hit 300!

[sebsbarnes]

heyyyy hope it makes sense when i explain for tan x reader. So reader and twins work together sometimes so are kind of friends in the field and she gets on really well with lemon and with tan too but they bicker a lot sometimes. Basically there is this get together thingy for ther organization or smth and lemon is quite sociable and talks with alot of people and tan is kinda quiet so is kinda bored when it comes to these things since lemon is just chatting to anyone so when reader and ladybug (cuz they're kinda work buddies) arrive to the party and reader sees tan just standing by himself she goes over to him and they just end up chatting and having a laugh (maybe a bit drunk) the whole night and lemon and ladybug are just laughing when its time to go and they are both getting along better than anyone thought possible. Its kinda detailed but i hope it makes sense :)))

hey!! ahh this is a good idea! and it made perfect sense to help me outline what to write, thank u!

new friends, new love || tangerine

tangerine x f!reader

warnings: mentions of injuries , language, normal ole' bullet train stuff

word count: 1.3k+ ; fluff

masterlist

a/n: this is kinda dialogue heavy which normally isn't my style so eek i hope that's okay

"play nice," you hissed, "you still aren't in their good graces. you're lucky i'm friends with them so they didn't hunt you down after japan."

ladybug groaned at the force of your finger pointed in his chest, "yeah yeah," he dismissed you.

with that, you rolled your eyes and entered the building. it was a private event, a get-together really, thrown by the organizations that hire you out for contract jobs. a chance to network and meet some faces that you may not have seen in a while.

"there they are!" a voice yelled startling you and ladybug. coming at you was lemon with a wide grin on his face. he pivoted around and threw his arms over yours and ladybug's shoulders.

"always a pleasure, my dear," he said to you before turning to ladybug, "and i still want to rip your fuckin' head off, mate."

ladybug smiled sheepishly at lemon who then released you both from his grip. you diverted your attention to looking around the room. it was well-decorated and dimly lit. there was waitstaff walking around and offering refills on drinks. towards the bar was a long table piled with hors d'oeuvres. bosses you have had were chatting amongst themselves cracking jokes with one another.

and then there was tangerine. he had one foot propped up, leaning onto the high-top table. his thumb and middle finger holding onto the whiskey glass. he was far away from anyone else at the event and you could see he was scanning the room watching everyone interact with one another. his white button-down shirt and gold necklace hung low near the table with his hair free of any gel. when he made eye contact with you and found your feet carrying you to him.

"hiding out?" you teased.

tangerine tilted his head to the side at you. his eyes squinting just a bit with a charming smirk on his face, "caught me."

"i really don't remember johannesburg!" lemon belly laughed.

"well i sure do!" ladybug exasperated throwing his arms to the side, the drink in his glass spilt on his hand.

"oh! and then you almost killed my brother! so, seems like we are a bit even," lemon announced.

"will you always hold that over my head?"

"yes."

"oh god. if i didn't intervene on the bullet train i think we all would've died before the crash," you grumbled, remembering how much of an idiot ladybug had been to tangerine and lemon.

"yeah your little friend is lucky you had his back or there'd be a bullet between his eyes," tangerine replied, twirling the liquid in his glass.

"would you have done the same to me?" you asked and although you meant to sound joking it came out far more serious than you anticipated.

tangerine sucked the brown liquor between his teeth, "i'd never do anything to hurt you. i'd hurt myself before i'd hurt you."

lemon and ladybug barely took a breath since they started chatting and any poor soul that walked past them was sucked into some nonsensical conversation, trapping them for at least fifteen minutes. these guys could talk and talk and truthfully it was impressive.

"ha! who knew tangerine had a soft spot?" ladybug laughed, nodding his chin over to the wall you and tangerine were occupying.

lemon chuckled through his nose, a small smirk appearing on his face, "only for her."

ladybug harshly grabbed carver, who was now standing next to them, on the shoulder and shook him slightly, "thanks for bailing on kyoto so the lovebirds over there could meet. it's kinda like i'm cupid, right? i brought her with me on the mission and now she found love! i should journal about this."

ladybug continued to talk about how journaling has helped his inner peace and how his therapist thought his progress was improving rapidly so their sessions should be more spread out. though lemon was listening and throwing in the occasional 'yeah' or 'really?', his eyes were trained on tangerine who was fully engaged in the conversation with you. he found it amusing. only hours earlier tangerine had been whining and complaining about having to go and how he hated socializing. lemon drew his attention away as tangerine grabbed your arm.

"jesus, this is a bad cut," tangerine said in disbelief looking at a deep cut with angry scar tissue, "where are the people that did this to you?"

with a devilish grin you leaned towards his face, "six feet under."

tangerine sucked his cheeks in, lips pouted slightly. he was amused. the glint in your eyes as you refused to look away from him almost became unbearable. he just found you so enthralling and if he could he'd stand here all night talking to you, leaning against the wall till he became one with the paint.

you and tangerine had always bumped heads but never anything serious. you both could take the jokes thrown at the other and sometimes it moved into a weird grey area of flirting that neither of you minded. but things really did change on the bullet train when you saved tangerine's life. ladybug was going to shoot tangerine no matter what and even you couldn't change that, but, what helped was your piercing scream caused ladybug to slightly shift his aim when he fired the gun. the bullet still hit tangerine's neck though not as deep as it would've.

"you fucking idiot, ladybug!" you roared. the whole time on the train you wanted the four of you to work as a unit, but ladybug being as hardheaded as he was made it difficult.

"i thoug-,"

"go get the fucking girl. like i told you earlier," you cut him off now bringing your full attention to tangerine who was groaning in pain.

"i'm sorry. i know, i know this hurts but you can't fight me off. it's either i do this or you die and i really don't fucking want that," you told him sternly as you basically straddled his body to keep your hands pressed to his wound.

"l-lemon?" tangerine asked through heavy breaths.

"he's alive. he was passed out or something and i tossed him around to wake up so he's okay, okay? now you need to be also. for him... and for me."

"i don't think i ever properly thanked you for saving me," he pondered, accent thick.

"there's no need to... you would've done the same for me," you winked. you two lulled in the silence, sipping at your now watered-down drinks. you aren't sure why but you wanted to hold his hand, maybe it was the slight buzz from the drink, so you did. tangerine didn't pull away or ask you why. he was grateful for the dim lights in the room hiding the pink hue on his cheeks. he hoped you didn't feel how his hands were clammy with nerves but you did and made no mention of it.

"alright kids!," ladybug yelled, "let's head out!"

ladybug and lemon approached the two of you slightly swaying from the drinks they've consumed. tangerine went to pull his hand away but you didn't budge and squeezed his hand tighter. he looked at you with a shy smile and you flashed him a smile back.

"come on," you said using your other hand to pat his chest.

"we are getting food, you guys coming?" lemon slightly slurred.

tangerine peered at you, "of course."

the four of you exited the building and walked off to get food. lemon and ladybug seemingly put their rocky past behind them as they continued to toss jokes back and forth. maybe it was just the alcohol talking and tomorrow they'd wake up still displeased with the other. but tomorrow you and tangerine would wake up with the same fuzzy feeling in your stomachs that you have right now as your hands swung together, shoulders bumped, and shy smiles on your faces like you two were forbidden to be with the other and were sneaking off into the night.

[yoimix]

𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬 | 𝐚𝐥𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐦

series: yoimix christmas event !! (๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)

pairing: alhaitham x reader

synopsis: if christmas is the season of giving, then you’re giving up on both alhaitham’s ability to play nice, and your teetering love life.

prompt: decorating the tree + mutual pining + modern au

genre: fluff, e2l

wc: 2.8k

warnings: language, this is just 90% bickering 

a/n: holy shit i got derailed from the schedule but i finally decorated the tree with my family (and attempted fixing the busted christmas lights) so merry christmas, my sunshines!! hope you have a lovely time and a wonderful year ahead ❣️

Alhaitham is a man of many talents.

Choosing Christmas ornaments is not one of them. You’re not sure if it’s because he’s aesthetically impaired or if he genuinely never decorated a tree before—but shopping with him has been one hell of a nightmare. It’s a shame he’s been selected as the one to host this year’s Christmas party. Lucky for him, the good samaritan in you decided to help him out. (Even though he told you to not bother and ‘mind your own business’.)

Not because you’re regrettably in love with him.

This year, Fate decided to stitch you a get-along sweater from previous years’ antics because you’re stuck helping him. You couldn’t refuse when Nilou personally called you up to make sure the background for the Instagram posts aren’t downright grotesque (of course, she put it rather nicely but that’s what she meant). You’d take any excuse to see his handsome face and sketch a frown onto it.

“Why the fuck did you buy the yellow ones? They’re hideous!” You hold up the bells, colored a neon yellow with sparkly bits and pieces, and certainly not easy on the eyes. It’s borderline vomit-colored. You never know how he manages to pick the worst thing that has ever befallen your eyes every time.

“They were Buy 6 Get 6 free.” Alhaitham shrugs. How you wish you could knock the nonchalant look off his face. 

“You don’t go by deals when you’re decorating!” You groan, exasperated. “Now we have twelve of these ugly motherfuckers.”

“They were also the first I saw in that aisle,” he answers, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t understand why you want to spend hours and hours walking around the department store when we can get the job done in five minutes.”

“Well, you’re doing a very sloppy job, bonehead.”

“At least we could get to the decorating part thanks to my intervention.” He crosses his arms. “Otherwise, we’d still be at the mall.”

“God, you are such a—ugh! Fine, let’s get on with it.”

Alhaitham hums in agreement—of course, he never bothers to spare more words than necessary. That’s an invitation to you, though, to provoke him till you have his full attention. Call it childish but you enjoy the cracks in his solid stances.

Besides, it’s not like he cares.

What you have is not a crush anymore—it’s festered into something more vile, more self-serving, and more fun. It’s not like it was back in college, when you could quarrel to your hearts’ content over assignments and exam scores. You have adult jobs now and seeing each other is much more irregular. You never expected silence to be so full of disquiet. 

However, the Christmas reunion every year gets blood rushing to your arteries faster than you let on. There is no greater spectacle for your friends than you and Alhaitham trying to one-up each other over every little festive detail. Last year, it was a squabble over the Christmas music selection, and the year before it was about the photos not turning out quite so well (Refer: Alhaitham’s lack of aesthetic sense), and once it was even about who’s the better driver just because you decided to drive to midnight mass. Let’s not even get started on preparing Christmas dinner. At the very least, though, your friends get to enjoy extravagant gifts from your unspoken gift-giving competition. It’s not like you’ll let a man flash his dollars in your face when you earn just as much, if not more. 

This year, obviously, you need to coach him on style.

“Don’t hang that on the tree—oh Jesus, I must personally apologize to you for whatever this heathen is doing to the tree. I promise I had no part in it—”

“Will you quit babbling and try to get shit done?”

You scoff. “I’d rather swallow concrete than let you put that up. I’m trying to save all of our eyes.”

“I highly doubt you have the capability.”

Alhaitham may not be that interested in this but like hell he’d let you do better. That’s the sort of man he is.

“You narcissistic ass…” You mutter, standing on your tiptoes to hang the rest of the little gift boxes.

“My, aren’t you sweeping self-awareness under the rug today?”

“Go fuck yourself, Alhaitham.”

You can feel the smirk on his face even if you don’t look up at him. 

To be very honest, you’re quite comfortable with how it is. Any step further, and you’ll be falling and scraping your knees; any larger distance and you’ll be bored out of your mind.

“Not that.”

You pull Alhaitham back by his sweater, somehow uglier than yours when you’ve been winning ugly sweater competitions since age eight. Seriously, whatever Eldritch horror rendition of a llama is on his sweater freaks you out. Apparently his niece stitched it herself so you’ll cut him some slack. It’s rather sweet of him, even.

“If not these, then what?” Alhaitham sighs, holding back the little neon murderers of the Christmas spirit. “Do you want to leave half the tree plain?”

“Obviously not, idiot. I’ll fashion some dice into ornaments. Ooh, maybe I can wrap some fruits in aluminum foil and hang them. I’ll paint.”

“What a nuisance,” he mutters, eyelids lowered. You swear it’s your lips he’s staring at but that can’t be possible.

It must be a trick of the light. You look away, shifting your focus to the leftover fairy lights. 

“And- and I have ribbons,” you continue, pretending you never noticed. “There’s also some Kalpalata lotuses we could stick in the branches. That’d be pretty, right?”

“Mhm, yes. Very unique.”

Your eyebrows travel halfway to your hairline. Alhaitham furrows his brows at your stunned silence, unsure of what caused the reaction.

“That’s the first time you’ve complimented me.”

He rolls his eyes. “Don’t get used to it.”

Alhaitham’s serious response to your rivalry used to be your best validation. It’s not like you mind the occasional nice words though.

“Ooh, that makes me crave it more,” you tease, elbowing him as he purposely avoids your gaze.

“You get older but never wiser, do you?” He grumbles. 

“Then, O Great Sage, what is your wisdom tonight?”

Alhaitham turns to you sharply, leaning in just enough to make your breath hitch in your throat. You can’t even take a step back for fear of the tree toppling. It seems he’s effectively grounded you. The lack of distance, however, does not fall inside your comfort zone. Is it terrible that you can’t stop staring? Everything about him is so annoyingly attractive, from the high cheekbones to the perfectly carved lips. 

“I know you enjoy pushing my buttons,” he speaks by your ear, voice low. “And efficiency is not a key you’ve ever held. But let’s try, hm?”

You’re only cheeky out of habit. “Do you like watching me squirm? Pervert.”

Alhaitham breathes out, clearly accepting his defeat. “It’s five already. Everyone arrives in two hours.”

You shrug. “We’re pretty much done, aren’t we? Unless you want me put in an ice rink and a cocktail bar too, your highness.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose. You’re starting to miss the biting retorts. “Did you check the lights like I asked you to?”

“Oh shit.”

The Christmas lights are at least eight feet long and you have no idea why he has these. This man does not look like he feels any emotion from fairy lights. They’re braided every five light bulbs, and much to your and Alhaitham’s chagrin, they flicker and die midway. They are pretty though, emanatinga. warm golden glow. Very  

“God, I could be out partying right now,” you groan. “Why did I sign up for this?”

“That sounds like a plan. Please do me a favor and go partying.” Alhaitham takes the plug out of the socket, sighing. You press your lips into a thin line and snatch the plug, testing out the wiring. It’s just a little puzzle to solve. You’ve dealt with enough home electricals in your life. You can’t say the same for Mr Paper-for-brains.

“Despite your looks, you’re somehow the nerdiest loser I’ve ever met.” You huff, taking out each bulb and placing bits of aluminum foil to ensure the connections.

“What, because I don’t spend my Friday evenings inebriated?”

“Alcohol could do you some good, actually.”

He meets your retort with a sigh and you take it as a victory. You’re not some child throwing a tantrum that willful ignorance of your actions will get you to feel remorse. 

“It’s already sunset.” Alhaitham clicks his tongue. “The clock’s ticking and you still haven’t rid your habit of messing around with every little thing you see.”

“I’m not messing around! I just wanna solve it like a puzzle.”

“We could just buy new ones,” he states, a deadpan stare directed at you.

“...Or we could do that.” You turn away, breaking eye contact. “But seriously, don’t you find joy in solving some problems the hard way? Like, you wouldn’t set fire to a puzzle as an attempt to solve it.”

Alhaitham pauses, lips parted slightly but he can’t come up with a retort. He’s probably just amazed at your exceptionally stupid example. Even if that was your attempt to salvage your ego, you’re not entirely lying. You wouldn’t be here right now if you didn’t have the tendency to take longer, more troublesome, and more scenic routes. Your original sin is never letting go.

“Cat got your tongue?” You offer him a sarcastic smile. “I know it’s not the same—”

“The way you think is quite fascinating,” he says quietly. “I don’t understand—I’m drawn to it.”

You swallow your own words. Out of all the possible sentences that could’ve come out of his mouth, that wasn’t the one you were expecting.

“You’re creative,” he hums, tapping his fingers against the couch headrest idly. “And you’re strange.”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.”

For the first time this evening, Alhaitham laughs. It’s dry, but it’s a deep sound nonetheless. You can’t take your eyes off him.

“Somehow, I can never understand you,” he responds, leaning back against the wall. “Maybe I never will. You piss me off.”

You let go of the lights and move to sit on the couch arm, looking up at him with a wondrous smile.

“And yet, you always stare at my lips. Are you so eager for the profanities that leave them?”

“I do not.”

A subtle snarl twists his lips. 

“Oh? You wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid.”

“Do I now?”

His voice is raised, and he’s no longer leaning against the wall. This is getting exciting. You’d do anything to keep his eyes on you.

“Yes, and you can’t stand it,” you state your theory, even if you don’t believe in it. There are limits to the lengths you’ll go, but you haven’t reached there yet.

Alhaitham knits his brows, clearly soured with the exchange by now with his tense shoulders and deep frown. You quite like that look on him. Especially when he looks at you like that at this proximity. It’s an honor to rile up the Alhaitham, infamous throughout your academic life. You’re not so bad yourself.

You blow a raspberry at him. “Do it, coward. Kiss me.” 

“You know what? Fucking gladly.”

Before you can process it, a soft pair of lips push against yours, while his hands hold you by the waist to keep you in place. You give in for a flash of a second, before you pull away with a gasp. That was not good for your heart. However, you’re not the only one in dire conditions. 

Alhaitham is a sight to behold. His face is the color of ripe Henna berries—you’re not sure if it’s from the kiss or the fact that he’s still pissed off at you. You reach out to press your palm against his cheek, the gesture softening his gaze ever so slightly.

This time, you tug him in, the kiss hesitant at first before the two of you ease into it. When your noses bump, you hold back a giggle and you can feel him smile against your lips. Oh, you’ve never seen all these hues and shades before. You pull away, and he nearly chases your lips before his ego yanks him back by the collar.

“You liked that, didn’t you?” You smirk.

“Not a chance.”

“Then look me in the eyes.”

Alhaitham meets your gaze with no protest whatsoever, pressing his tongue against the inside of his cheek. Even in defeat, he manages to look like the arrogant bastard he is.

“Lying doesn’t suit you, sweetheart,” you tut.

Alhaitham raises an eyebrow.

“Tell me again, what you said to me at graduation.”

“What did I say?” You feign ignorance. At the time, it seemed like an appropriate response to him holding up his 4.0 over your 3.95. The goal was never just summa cum laude.

“That you hate me,” he answers, pulling you closer and closer till his mouth hovers above yours. “Tell me you hate me and call me a liar once more. I dare you.”

“I hate you,” you breathe against his lips, “I hate you so much.”

“Liar.” The smile against your lips is sweeter than holiday season. In fact, it might even be comparable to your rich chocolate cookies in ecstasy. 

You pull away with a teasing smile. “Have you been thinking I hate you for all these years?”

Alhaitham rolls his eyes to the side, completely ignoring your remark.

“You like me, don’t you?” Your smile grows wider, a sudden rush of schoolgirl infatuation filling you. 

“How in the ever loving fuck did you come to that conclusion?”

The sarcasm drips like honey off his voice. As if you couldn’t fall any further.

“Maybe you should kiss me again, so I can gather more evidence for a stronger conclusion. I wouldn’t go wrong with my hypothesis.” You lean in, grinning as brightly as the stars in the sky.

He hums, fighting back a smile. “Well, I do support the scientific method.” 

“Okay, so whatever feud you’re having, I’m on (name)’s side—oh.”

Kaveh freezes at the doorway. Surely, the one image he never would’ve conjured up in his head was that of you sitting on the floor between Alhaitham’s legs, his arms wrapped around your waist as you sort through your Christmas cards. And the two of you are laughing. Is that not cause for concern? 

“You know, when people are built like a coconut tree, they shouldn’t be standing in front of doors—oh.”

Cyno is your next victim, and his jaw drops less conspicuously than Kaveh’s does but it surprises him nonetheless. He swears on his gold star espeon card that he’d sooner expect Alhaitham to drop dead than admit his crush on you. No, even if he got over his emotional constipation, Cyno didn’t think you’d be at peace without pressing something to his throat. It truly is a Christmas miracle.

“Boys, can we not clog the doorway?” Dehya groans. “I get that this is the first time you knuckleheads have ever sensed emotion, but we saw this coming a mile away.”

“Oh, don’t be mean, Dehya,” Dunyarzad pokes Dehya’s side, causing the latter to giggle and wrap her arm around Dunyarzad’s waist. “Besides, you went into shock too when I suggested they might have a thing for each other.”

Dehya opens her mouth and closes it again. “You got me there.”

“Alright now, everyone,” Nilou stands on her tiptoes to peek over Kaveh and Dehya’s shoulders. “I set them up and I can’t see the fruit of my efforts.”

“You did what?!” You yell, getting pulled down by Alhaitham when you try to get up. Shooting him a glare, you get comfortable anyway.

“Oh, now you hear me.” 

You try your best to not look offended. Alhaitham tilts his head to the side, an eyebrow raised in curiosity towards the information Nilou just dropped. There’s no schemes without him.

“You just needed an excuse and I knew—”

“Nilou, please stop talking, I’ll buy you more shiba inu figurines.”

“No bribe can—”

“Broadway tickets.”

Nilou makes a gesture of zipping her lips. “My lips are sealed, your highness.”

Alhaitham sighs, resting his chin on your shoulder. “You do know that I’m aware of your advances? You’re not very subtle.”

Your jaw drops, offended. “I thought I was being sexy and flirty and mysterious.”

“You were literally none of those. All you did was drive me up a wall.”

“But did that work?”

“Yes.”

Kaveh makes a gagging sound. “If you guys start making out during Nightmare before Christmas, I will vomit all over you.”

“Did you pay rent or are you going to dirty someone else’s living room?” Alhaitham asks.

Kaveh looks away, whistling a note. It elicits a wave of laughter, and like dominoes, Christmas eve is set into motion. The presents line the base of the tree, the lights have been dimmed till only the fairy lights shine, and Alhaitham has started the hallmark movie after much grumbling. 

Maybe the Christmas spirit has some meaning after all; and you could debate this with your boyfriend, but it is the most wonderful time of the year to celebrate anniversaries.

[chimkin-samich]

Hi!

I have had a block for both writing and drawing for several years. I look at your works with longing in my eyes and think how wonderful it would be to draw regularly again. I was never particularly talented and had many gaps in learning to draw, but I enjoyed it. Now I don't know how to start drawing or writing. My laptop is full of unfinished stories. I have lots of ideas for drawings, but it's hard for me to get down to work.

Therefore, my question is: Do you have any advice for people who haven't drawn/written for several years and would really like to get back to it, but can't motivate themselves, have no ideas, etc.? Or quite the opposite. They have lots of ideas, but for some reason they can't draw anything?

Greetings and have a nice morning/day/evening/night!

Hello! Sorry it took so long to respond, I wanted to make sure I could respond properly to this so I thought it over a lot, I’m going to put it under a read more cuz it’s gonna get long lol

I (sly) am kinda in the same position as you at least when it comes more to art, writing ive kinda cracked the block but still trying to break through the ice, all the art on our blog is Ferals art, I only complete the line work and shading (but not always) I haven’t drawn any of my own stuff in probably a few years but I’m trying to get back into it cuz I miss it as well, I completely get the whole feeling of looking at Feral’s art and wanting to create my own but finding it so difficult to do

For the art aspect my plan is to start at square 1, start how I first starting drawing, which for me was to look up refs, animals and draw them by sight, just to get back into the groove of trying to bring back that muscle memory, maybe you started by tracing images, you could trace only the rough outlines and then shade and detail them, just something simply and easy, you probably won’t be happy with the results (I know I certainly won’t be with my own) but it’s a start

Look up things that you enjoy, draw your squad, incorrect quotes to do with ocs maybe even draw them out, try and keep it simple, you don’t need to create a masterpiece on the first day back, any attempt is a step forward even if you dislike it, try it out at least once a day everyday, a simple doodle just for fun or to exercise your muscle memory again, the first part is gonna be hard and messy, that’s totally ok! All that matters is the attempt!

For the writing aspect try and keep it simple as well, focus on making short one-shots or even just bullet point dialogues, your old unfinished writing isn’t going anywhere, when you feel comfortable enough to attempt to continue it just go for it!

I had a big gap in my writing periods and sometimes I still go a few months with out touching any of my stories, blocks happen and are normal, something that I try to get back into is read other people’s work, both to see the writing style and to get some inspiration to continue my own works

When I actually get down to actually writing my story I just dump down the story as I think it, I just keep writing even if it looks messy and grammatically incorrect to at least get the story moving and progressing. After I have the rough story down, is when I go back to correct spelling mistakes, add more details/dialogues or events in between to create a much better flow for the story

I usually do this multiple times for each fic I create, usually in between pauses (either due to blanking on ideas or just cuz I wasn’t feeling it) so whenever I reopen my doc, I just reread and add on, then I do it again one or two more times once it’s completed

I struggle a lot with perfectionism when it comes to my art and writing, and unfortunately it’s a big killer for my motivation, especially when I see others that make better works than me. I’ve been slowly unlearning that urge to make everything perfect, by just allowing myself to have messy and rough works, it’s not always going to come out how I want it but at least I got it as close as I could in the moment with my current skill level

I like to tell myself, the more I keep doing it, the more I’ll improve, and I’ll always be able to come back with more ideas and skill to remake this better than my first attempts, just because I did it doesn’t mean I can’t try to do it again

Being easier on yourself does wonders (I know easier said than done unfortunately 😭) but your practically having to relearn skills that have gotten rusty, even if you were doing great before, your gonna have to build back up to that point, it’s just like exercising a muscle ✨

I hope this was able to help! I wish you much luck in your journey back into art and writing!

[tubby1230]

So I always wanted a Reverse Stobotnik AU but everytime I see things of it, it never really fits what I want. They either don't change anything about them now that they've switched positions or they take the other person's personality. With this, I have decided to take a crack at it and try to design them how I see them. Here are some designs I have for Stone.

I am currently having a dilemma on what he should wear. I will go into more detail about this AU later but for now, I need some help. I can't pick which one is best or if any of them really capture the image of what I want.

I want something fun. I think Stone is more into emotions and manipulates them and overall just seems pretty nice and happy but is actually very calculated (kind of like the usual Stone without the happy). So I want something bright but not too off putting. But all of this is adjustable and anything could change so I just need help. If you have any recommendations for different color pallettes or maybe a different clothing style, please tell me. I was thinking about adding some gloves. But PLEASE help me as I suck with fashion :') (any ideas for Agent!Robotnik would also be lovely).

I've been sitting on this idea for a while but I was finally pushed to do it after reading "Figuring it Out" on Ao3 by @irenereru and them getting the closest to what I want. The design is also heavily inspired by @cheap-slaw design of Stone after Sonic 2 (fucking lovely art, please go be as obsessed as me).

My best friend, Vicky, already made fun of the khakis so I gotta change those but I will be posting more of these doodles later as well as ideas for the AU. But please, I suck with fashion and need all the help I can get.

[evienyx]

any advice for newbie fanfic writers or new writers in general? I always have trouble trying to "paint a picture/ describe a scene and happenings lol thanks :D

I feel like I say this every time, to the point that its like a cop-out answer, but, genuinely, you really do just gotta practice.

Its like with any type of art. You won't get better at drawing if you don't just draw. You won't get better at an instrument unless you play the instrument. I didn't really notice my writing getting "better," but looking back at the earlier chapters of Fractures and comparing them to my newer stuff, it's clear that I have.

Past that, I mean one thing I do is I read all of my stuff out loud. I try to see if the words that I've written put the right image in my head. "Painting a picture" is a hard thing to do with writing, and a lot of the time its less about the amount of words that you write and more about the way that you use a smaller amount of space.

Crack open a thesaurus. Don't use bigger, more obscure words just for the sake of using them, but find ones that might work better. At the same time, though, don't be afraid of common words. I use "said" quite a lot, even though a million English teachers will yell about how basic it is. Much of the time, though, the emotion comes from the actions the characters take outside of the dialogue tag.

There are a few things you can choose to focus on when it comes to "painting a picture" that will set an overall mood quite easily. One of the most simple and yet most effective is weather. Describing the sky, the time of day, what the sun looks like. It can add tension, or drama, or can even stand to emphasize the state the characters are in, like when its a nice day but they're going through something hard.

Everyone's going to have a different writing style, too. Sure, you can copy someone else's, but if you're just writing yourself without trying to emulate another author, you're going to have your own style.

Personally, I tend to do a lot of comparisons to describe things. I pinpoint a few details and call back to them throughout a chapter or a story. Oftentimes I like to get a lot deeper into the character's mindset and examine that for a good while before pushing the plot forward. One of my friends, on the other hand, is a lot more straightforward with her writing, sort of trying to tell it as it is. Both describe what needs to be described, just in different ways.

If you're really struggling with trying to figure out how to "paint a picture" in the reader's head, try thinking through the different aspects of the scene. Anything that you can describe. Then, pick what actually needs to be described to understand what is going on. The positions of the characters, the vague setting, things like that. You don't need to go super in depth, because the reader knows, even subconsciously, how to fill in a lot of the detail on their own. You really are just here to "set the scene."

As I said before, though, no matter what advice you take, the only true way to see solid improvement is through actively writing. It doesn't need to be stuff you publish, but I would encourage it, since feedback is an enormous help as well. Either way, though, just keep writing, and reading it back, and then writing again, and you'll see improvement, just as with any type of art.

(Also, and I mean this with my whole heart, for the love of god, Kill Your Darlings.)

(Thank you and goodnight.)

[skzstoryvault]

Petty (Hyunjin, crack)

F! Reader x boyfriend Hyunjin

very short ( and dare I say still rewarding ) read

one-shot

1 k words exactly.

They are guests at a wedding where the bride is a bridezilla

Reader was bullied by her family while growning up and had a glowup once she broke free from them.

Brief appearance of Donatella Versace as the couple's fairy godmother.

This is in no way meant as a commentary on the real persons depicted here. They all deserve the world.

Please be kind.

Please do not report this post. If it's not your thing, just scroll away.

If you're underage, please scroll on, there is nothing for you here.

If you enjoy this story and are reading along, I would love to hear your comments in the replies, reblogs or DMs - however you feel most comfortable.

A/N: I am sorry for the dad joke at the end, but I had to. It was right there, calling out to me.

°°°

“Your colour scheme will be pink and brown,” the bride informed you. “You and your plus one will have to come dressed in those colours or be turned down at the door. I will have security, you know?”

“Pink and brown? Like a pussy?” Hyunjin asked, before throwing his head back and laughing. “Damn, your friend is not only evil, she’s also dumb like the night. I can’t wait for us to attend.”

“I intend to cut contact with her after the wedding anyway. She’s always been in this contest with me, always trying to one up me and beat me to stuff… she will be either very relieved or very intrigued to hear I will be leaving Europe for good.” You say, shrugging. “Some friendships are not made to be for life and I’m okay with that.”

°°°

“Pink… and brown?” Donatella asked, just to make sure she heard right. “What, like a pussy???” She and her assistant both said in unison and in their thick Italian accent. “Leave it to me, darlings.” 

°°°

On the day of the event, you showed up on Hyunjin’s arm, both wearing the outfits Donatella so generously designed for you. They are obviously very high end, with incredible attention to details, very form flattering and season appropriate. 

Hyunjin is wearing a brown shirt with an oversized pink flower and leaf pattern, pink dress trousers with a brown belt and brown sandals.

Your dress is made from the same fabric as your boyfriend’s shirt and it’s cinched with a breathable brown obi style belt.

You are both wearing matching Versace gold jewellery and accessories, both looking like modern day gods.

The bride goes pale, then she turns deep red with anger as soon as she sees you, but she can’t say anything because you stuck to the dress and colour code to the letter. You can just feel her fume and seethe from a distance.

Obviously, all eyes are on Hyunjin, more so even than on the bride or her sister, who tries to direct some attention to herself by repeatedly stroking her obviously pregnant belly. Normally, people would love such things at a wedding because the gossip mill has to always turn.

But no one believed you when you said you met someone in Korea and that he’s very nice, attractive, kind and in love with you. The men in your family are only as good as their wives manage to make them and your extended family is full of divorces, affairs and even a suspicious disappearance without a trace of a husband or two.

So, when you told them you had a boyfriend, everyone laughed - from your grandma to your little sister. But now everyone is gawking and staring - you just showed up with a supermodel and not only are you acting like it’s business as usual, they see him looking at you like you hung the moon. 

“So how did you two meet? Was it online? Tinder, like young folks call it these days?” Your aunt asks.

“No, I told you guys before I left that I was going to Korea for a language learning experience, and while I was there I took a make-up artist job. Hyunjin was among my regular clients from the beginning.”

“Don’t Koreans usually only date Koreans?”

“Yes, we tend to,” Hyunjin replies joyfully, “But meeting her was like such a happy occasion. We liked each other at once. We knew. So I guess I need to thank you all for bullying her so much she felt she would be happier among strangers at the end of the world.” 

“How dare you…!!!” Your aunt scoffs.

“It’s true though. If you had treated me normally I’d now be home, married to some guy from my hometown who is cheating on me with an Aldi cashier and who leaves me alone and pregnant at home.” You say. “Hyunjin is just calling it like it is.”

“Can’t you just let it go? That was ages ago.” Your aunt says, sighing.

“It’s fucked me up for good so-” You reply. “But I agree, for the sake of the happy occasion, let’s change the topic.”

“Are your outfits really Versace? How did you find some in the exact colours you needed on such short notice?”

“Oh, that’s easy. Hyunjin is tight with Donatella Versace. These are custom made. She and her entire atelier compared the colour scheme to the inside and outside of a pussy. Which was the original intent, we saw everyone else got to pick pastels.” You explain. 

Later, after all the ceremonial stuff is over, food was served and the bride and groom had their first dance, you and Hyunjin are on the dancefloor, holding on to each other and laughing, lost in your own little world. At some point, your fifteen year old cousin saw Hyunjin, pointed, shrieked and fell backwards into the grass, passing out. Hyunjin very kindly helped lift her into a sitting position and assisted in bringing her back to consciousness, making sure she was alright, even signing an autograph for her on a sweaty photo card she pulled from her bra.

She went away still mumbling about “fucking imagine meeting Hyunjin at a wedding in rural Europe, what are the odds???” and how no one at school was going to believe her. 

The bride doesn’t leave the venue before coming to confront you for your serious crime of… not engaging in her stupid power games.

“You just had to make it all about yourself, didn’t you?”

“What? I did everything you asked, I believe our wedding gift was more than generous and we kept to ourselves all the time. Not my fault you decided to take everything personally. And that you didn’t believe me when I assured you I did have a boyfriend.” 

“Your mum told me you’re leaving indefinitely after this… you just had to go out with a bang.” 

“No, no, that’s Hyunjin’s leader and best friend. I’m going out with a Hwang.”

[amrass]

RDR2 fanfic recommendations

I began this a month ago, then posted days ago, then realized marking posts as private makes me the only one who's can see them. Huh! So, I repost!

This is a spotlight with a handful of Ao3 RDR2 fanfics I enjoy. I got specific tastes, so this list has lots of Micah, and everything from gen fics to dead doves, randomly ordered. Please consider checking these out and give the writers some love. Chances are you have read a few already, but hey, you might find something new.

My Country has no Borders by Spacehat

You know the rare moment when a fic is so good it satisfies your whole need for a pairing or a character? Whenever I wanna read about Dutch, Hosea, a young Arthur, and Vandermorgan, I read this and boom, satisfaction. Literary level writing, masterful nonlinear time frame, and a spot on character analysis of Dutch. 

Wagers of Sin by Spacehat

The first Morbell fic I read that made me go hallelujah. Power bottom Micah, confident and mischievous, a well endowed and hard ass Arthur. The humor and the smut work so well together, the banter is excellent, and it's less dark than MChnB, for a lighter taste. Many of my Morbell headcanons are from here, so if you like my work, you might like this, though I consider the style better than mine.

The Mule by jenny_of_oldstones

Funny oneshot with crack elements, about a race between Arthur on his trusty mule Rooster vs Micah on Baylock. A very good take on Lenny, intelligent and witty, potentially the future leader of the gang. Arthur is funny and cute. Micah is an asshole, and awful fun. 

Vengeance is Hereby Mine by Delta_Meow

Crossovers do not get the attention they deserve, and this can be read without having seen the Dollars Trilogy (specifically A Few Dollars More, my personal favorite). There are three very strong leads - Arthur, Manco and Mortimer - with interesting relationships between each other, heaps of sexual tension, extensive horse knowledge, action, drama and a little American serial killer folklore! Also Micah owns the chapter he is in - very evil, very nice.

Red Dead Stuart Little AU by SourApplechips

This is a super cute and funny series, containing fics with the "everything is the same except one thing"; Micah is a rat, and John is a squirrel. There is an animated writing style that lends itself well to humor, a good eye for detail, a good grip on action and banter. I still seek these out when I am having a bad day. Also, it is interesting to note the connection between humor and horror, here: the writer masters both, which require a sense of timing and tension.

Here is a trio of dark fics within Morbell pairing, which are short or in their beginning, all ongoing. A lot of people only read complete fics, but supporting a writer in their journey can be so meaningful, so please give these a try: The World by SourApplechips (good take on the horror genre, top notch gore, excellent scenery details), Kindling Play by ohcmonjustdont (mythological, deeply poetic, and damn hot smut) and Idiotic Bull by zzzzzz01 (coiling dialogue and a good mix of violence and sensuality). I will not compare, but will rather point them out within a context of what honestly feels like a renaissance of Micah content. The characters feel like outlaws, the landscape - so clear in the game - is so present but conveyed differently, overall it is nice to see three unique voices emerge around the same time.

Nailed Her Pretty Good by SadomasochismTango

An unusual take on a Micah x random bathing girl fic, written from his perspective as an unreliable narrator with a strong dick game, making this deliciously dubious, but also is an excellent character study of him. This might be the piece on this list where the reader best feels Micah's age. He feels like a confident, creepy, forty year old outlaw. Also, the writer is a confirmed Tom Lehrer fan! Great!!!

Home in Damnation by SadomasochismTango

This is might be the darkest story on this list, so I'm hiding it at the bottom. This contains non-descriptive forced noncon incest in the Bell family, between grandfather and grandson. Still, this is tastefully done, direct but not crude, mixing extreme emotions beautifully. This is my favorite fanfic about Micah because it is so well written. If you can stomach the warnings I cannot recommend this enough.

(PS: If a writer for ever which reason wants me to remove their work from here, I will do it no questions asked and with no bad feelings. I think most authors are okay with being recommended, but it is completely okay not to be!)

[lipglossanon]

When You’re With Me I’m Smiling

 ⁂—————✵————— ⁂

Ark Thompson x fem!reader (one shot)

Warnings: cute fluff!, kissing, flirting, cheesy banter 🤭 Ark’s just a soft boy who I wanted to write ✍️

not proofread 👌 kinda came out of nowhere and wrote this in like an hour 🫣

Title from Lady by Styx 💜

 ⁂—————✵————— ⁂

He’s quiet. Something you’ve come to appreciate the more you work with other agents. His friend Leon tends to be a smart ass on the best of days, so when Ark is the only one teaming up with you on projects (no sandy haired menace in sight), you can breathe a sigh of relief.

He works hard and keeps his head down, but also jumps into it when he needs to get his hands dirty. You tend to stick to the admin side of things, being the researcher and liaison for the missions you both take on for the agency. All in all (when you’re not able to work with Rebecca) Ark is your next choice on the roster. 

It’s how you both end up working late nights, ordering Chinese takeout and comparing which 90’s boy band had the worst hair. This particular Friday evening is the great debate between 98° and LFO on who is least remembered. 

“If it wasn’t for Nick Lachey marrying Jessica Simpson, no one would remember them,” Ark points out, spearing a piece of broccoli onto his fork and pointing it at you. 

“Exactly,” you roll your eyes, reaching for the soy sauce, “they’re more recognized because of the association. No one in hell remembers LFO.”

Ark cracks a smile at you, tossing a fortune cookie at you, “Alright, I guess I can see your point. I only know the one song by them anyways.”

You gesture with your arm while closing your empty container, “Thank you. I deserve this win after you won against Justin’s ramen hair.”

“Two words: frosted tips,” he laughs as you flip him off and grab your fortune cookie. 

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” you scrunch your nose, “why was that even a thing in the first place?”

He shrugs easily, leaning back into his chair, “Same reason tribal tattoos around the bicep were in style.”

You both make eye contact before cracking up loudly. 

“God, I’m so happy some styles die out with time,” you giggle, standing up to toss your stuff into the trash. 

Ark follows suit, walking with you out of the conference room to the nearby break room, recycling what needs to be and throwing away the rest. 

“You doing anything this weekend?” He asks, stalling by the door until you’re finished as well. 

You fall into step with him as you head over to your desks out in the bullpen.

“Binge some brain rotting television and clean my messy house,” you grin, shouldering him before stopping at your desk to grab your jacket and purse, “what about you?”

He hums and shuffles awkwardly as you slip your jacket on, “I was, uh, going to see if you wanted to meet up tomorrow sometime?”

You frown, “To work on the case?”

You watch as a blush colors the tips of his ears before sweeping down to his cheekbones. His brown eyes dart away and then back to you. 

He clears his throat nervously, “Not exactly. I was wondering if you’d want to go out on a date?”

“Oh,” you draw up short, eyes taking in his flushed face and nervous uptic of his lips. 

Nodding, you give him a shy smile, “Y-yeah that sounds nice. You have my number, right?”

His smile broadens until you can see a flash of teeth, “Yep, I’ve got it. I’ll call you tomorrow to hammer out the details?”

You laugh, “Maybe work on the sweet talk, huh?”

He flushes harder and rubs the back of his neck, “S-sorry, kinda nervous.”

Chest fluttering with butterflies, you link your arm with his and walk over to his desk. 

“We can work on it.”

Stopping to grab some files from his work area, Ark walks with you out into the company parking garage. 

“See you tomorrow,” you press a quick kiss to his cheek, “drive safe.”

Smiling bashfully, he rubs the skin you pressed your lips against, “You too.”

By the next afternoon, Ark calls and invites you to try out a new Italian place that Leon swears is the best. Much to your surprise, it’s actually authentic and delicious. You both spend the next couple of hours chatting over pasta and bread, work being completely off the table as a topic. After learning that Ark has never been to the local malt shop (who knew they even still existed!), you convinced him to make that your next stop. 

Now, milkshakes in hand, you walk along the pavement to the nearby park, the late evening sun casting long shadows. Coaxing Ark to sit on a bench, you sit thigh to thigh, sharing bites of your cold treats until you’re both giggling and sharing sticky sweet kisses. Sitting your empty cups to the side, Ark takes your face in his calloused hands and presses the softest of kisses to your cold lips. 

“I’m glad you agreed to go out with me,” he murmurs in the small space between your mouths, “I’ve been crushing on you for months.”

Your eyes light up, giddy excitement bubbling in your chest, “Really? I never picked up on it.”

Ark grins, thumb coming up to tug your bottom lip down, “Kept it close to the chest, didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

You melt into him a little, nipping his thumb before leaning in to kiss him more firmly than before. Losing track of time, the sound of cicadas alerts you to the late time when Ark finally pulls away from you, lips looking bee stung and swollen (you’re sure you don’t look much better).

“Let’s get you home,” his voice comes out rough, sending chill bumps skating across your skin. 

Holding hands from the park to his car, he only lets go to help hold open the door for you to get in before climbing into the driver's seat and taking your hand up once more. He randomly kisses your knuckles as he drives, shooting you soft little smiles that make your heart beat fast. Making it back to your apartment, Ark walks you all the way up to your door. 

“I had a really wonderful time,” you bite your bottom lip, feeling a little zing at the soreness you feel from your earlier make out.

“I did, too,” he rumbles, eyes dropping to your mouth before flicking back up to your eyes, “can I kiss you goodnight?”

“Please,” you breathe out, hands reaching around to tease the soft brown hair at the nape of his neck when he leans down into your space.

With a soft groan, he kisses you deeply, tongue licking past your swollen lips to rub against yours. You eagerly suck on the slick muscle as your nails scrape against the base of his skull. A deep hum echoes from his chest making you press the dough of your thighs together. He pulls away, resting his forehead against your temple as you both catch your breaths. 

“I’ll call you when I get home?” The last word lilts upward as in a question and you smile, stepping back to your door. 

“I’d like that,” you murmur happily. 

He grins, boyish and charming, “Alrighty. Have a goodnight.”

He dips back in for a quick kiss to your cheek and leaves back to the elevators. You quickly unlock your door and slip inside. Once you’ve shut and locked it back, you slump against the hardwood with a sigh. Feeling as giddy as a schoolgirl, you laugh out loud and press a hand to your lips. 

Seems like Ark might take the top spot as your favorite partner to work with from here on out.