#it was nice but I think I gotta cool off for my mental health

[rycusfunnies]

Prob not gonna post for a bit. Might be going on a hiatus. Feel like its a waste of time to post my work on here, in other woc/living machine servers outside of my friendgroups too. Either it being rampant favoritism or something else. This is destroying my mental health. I gotta worry about actually getting my life straight. I can go into more details under the cut! This got way longer!

I will no longer be posting my works to Tumblr anymore, for a good while. Untill I feel ready to come back and start posting my works again. If I ever do have a social media presence again for artwork, it will either be on Furaffinity(I'll have more freedom to post stuff with blood given its tagged properly. I am part of that community anyway.) or Bluesky. Do appreciate the support I've gotten over the years, but the woc and especially living machine fandom is actually terrible for artists and a lot of people here do not get the credit they rightfully deserve for their work, me included. You either become a established artist or draw someone's OC who's been in the space for awhile, or nobody cares about the work you put forth. Putting in so many hours into something and not getting a good return for it genuinely can make artists quit what they do because its hella discouraging. Especially in my case where I was surrounded by people with similar skill level and they got way more attention than I did. Made me realize this revalation here when I asked around and other people felt the same way as me. Y'all really need to support less popular artists here. This happened to me twice, in a WOC server, and a server for living machine. They only want to see the artists they know and care about and want nobody else in their circle. Kinda sad. Smaller means the toxicity is more apparent, and boy is there quite a handful of people that angered me in the LM space. Its basically one big friendgroup because of how closed off/small it is, you try to join and you're ostracized. So you as a stranger, get looked down upon and casted aside easily. Doesn't matter how good you are. Thought branching out was gonna be good for me, it was the opposite. Hope me editing this clears up the reason why my Tumblr might go on a hiatus from now on in terms of art. I might check in now and again to scroll my tl, reblog stuff. But none of my works will be posted on this site anymore or in other woc/living machine discords beyond my friendgroups, atleast for a good while. Hope you understand. This could've gotten a lot nastier but I held back.

[dr-spectre]

Guess who turned 7 years old?

SPLATOON 2!!!!! Everyone's favourite Splatoon game!!!! Right? Right guys....? We love Splatoon 2 yeah....? It's the best one right.....? Totally not gonna become the middle child of the series that gets overshadowed by the new fresh Splatoon 3 and the nostalgia of the first game right.....?

Okay, jokes aside about if Splatoon 2 is actually good or not. This was the game that actually got me into Splatoon, I knew about the series since it's announcement but I couldn't play the first game because like the rest of general public, I didn't own a wii u. Still don't but I would love to have one to mod. (And play Splatoon 1 online with fan servers...)

I think Splatoon 2 really did bring a lot of cool stuff to the table and it had a lot of quality of life features and interesting weapon, sub and special concepts.

It gave us the dualies!! THE DUALIES! I LOVE THE DUALIES!

It gave us the brellas! Which.... were kinda bad at launch and still are bad till this day....

BUT! I dont wanna talk about weapons because thats BORING! I wanna talk about one of the best things Splatoon 2 gave us...

OFF THE HOOK! PEARL AND MARINA! These girls are some of the most popular characters in the series and for good reason. They are both funny, likeable, charming, witty and have developed backstories by the time Octo Expansion comes around. Plus their chemistry is top-notch and so damn CUTE! It's almost has if they are somehow more than friends and that kind of connection is canon and people who try to deny it are fucking idiots and will never be in a relationship of their own.....

Also Splatoon 2 gave us a pretty solid hero mode at launch, sure it was basically more Splatoon 1 hero mode but hey, the first hero mode was fun so more of the same is fine by me. Plus you get Marie's classic snark too while you go through levels, she's nice company surprisingly. Way better than some old ass crusty dude...

It also gave us....

totally didn't fuck up my mental health this year and last year and caused me chest pain and discomfort until I had to dig and dig AND DIG for knowledge just to salvage it and make sure my favourite character in the fucking series was given the respect she deserves....

....hypno/octo Callie.... totally didn't fuck up this villain arc for her huh Nintendo? Totally didn't throw away the depth you built up (and was shown in concept art) only to try and hastily fix it 2 years later with an obscure relationship chart no one fucking talks about, not even the timeline explainers...

totally didn't use the wrong terminology to describe her situation and made everything so much worse because you wanted a simple black and white story for the kiddies yeah Nintendo? Despite you making stuff grey in the dlc expansion so the both story modes now clash like oil and water theme wise.

And yet you still treat her like dirt. Still using the wrong poorly localised words. If I still gotta repeat to the sky one more time that callie was under hypnosis and not forceful brainwashing I might have a stroke. You can't even fucking brainwash someone with hypnosis because the limitation of hypnosis is that the person under it must be fully comfortable with the suggestion and the suggestion cannot go agaisnt their morals and ideology. AND GUESS WHAT BRAINWASHING IS! FORCING DIFFERENT IDEOLOGIES INTO SOMEONE'S HEAD! DO YOU GET WHY I HAVE AN ISSUE NOW?!?!?! JUST USE THE WORD HYPNOTISED NINTENDO! THATS ALL YOU GOTTA DO!! ILL BE SOOO HAPPY!!!

YOU TOO INKIPEDIA! I CAUGHT YOU USING THE WORD TOO MULTIPLE TIMES! you better change it... just change brainwashed to hypnotised and I would literally kiss you on the lips or something idk... I love you inkipedia but that's all you gotta change okay? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

ENOUGH OF THAT! I WANNA TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!!!

Do you know what else Splatoon 2 gave us?

OCTO EXPANSION BABY! I know people love to call this overrated now but I really don't care. It's not overrated, it's perfectly rated. It also gave us PLAYABLE OCTOLINGS! Which was a highly requested thing people really really wanted and they gave us what we asked for! Even though they lacked a lot of customisation options.... still do till this day... (Nintendo is it really that hard to come up with new hair? The community has been doing that for years for you man.)

And of course... the last thing I want to talk about...

This is probably my favourite Splatfest to date. It brought in a lot of actual genuine philosophical discussion on what kind of world is best, a world of chaos? Or a world of order? I chose team chaos because when the youtuber/streamer Etika was still around he chose team chaos and I chose that team because of him... rest in peace...

The shifty station too was phenomenonal as you got to hear Fly Octo Fly and Pearl would come in AND YOU GOT TO USE HER PRINCESS CANON!!!! IT WAS SO FUCKING COOL AHHHH!!!

God Pearl is so cool... i can't believe I actually used to dislike her. I wanna beat up teen me so badly for having such bad takes. Marina is hot sure, but, Pearl is just so fucking funny. Man what was wrong with 13 to 17 year old me....

Anyways, I wanted to ramble about Splatoon 2. It's pretty special to me as it was the reason I am here today, so I can't really criticise it as much as others do. Well... aside from one obvious thing but, I've done that many times.

Also, before I go... NINTENDO!!! BRING BACK SHIFTY STATIONS FOR SPLATOON 4!!! DO IT!!! STOP BEING COWARDS!!!!

[googledetective]

my thoughts about the new drdt episode...

I want to start off that this episode has not left me in a great mental state and this piece of fiction is starting to effect my reality in a negative way, currently. I do suffer from mental health issues, so please be sympathetic. If something I say seems too emotional or a bit off, that's likely why. My therapist will be hearing about drdt, lol. No hate towards drdt, it's an amazing project, and I'm amazed at how the piece of fiction is able to make me react in such a way.

1. I am not educated on ASPD or anything like that, so if I say something wrong feel free to correct me. I had a feeling that Levi likely had it from his secret, but this is a cool confirmation. I like that this is represented in a really great way, and that the reactions to his confessions are also very realistic. I like Levi a lot, but now I understand him so much more, and it makes me really appreciate him.

2. I find it interesting how Levi is so detached, as Veronika said, to everything. Even if I was not capable of remorse, I would've remembered killing my own father. I wonder what his father did to be so looked down upon.

2.5. OKAY SO HES KINDA JUST LIKE ME FR. like I stated previously I've had some bad mental health issues in the past to the point I've kicked windshields of cars in and attacked people. It is not my proudest moment, but holy shit I can relate to this a lot. It makes me so good to see someone who's done shit like I've done who's trying to change.

3. Ace really did care about Levi and considered him a friend, which warmed and broke my heart at the same time. I really hope Ace finds another friend, because he deserves to feel some comfort and joy. I hope he learns about Levi's ASPD and realizes Levi has no malicious intent towards him. I find it nice that Ace did really trust and look up to Levi though, it proves him capable of friendship and deeper feelings that people usually overlook. Great complex character.

4. I was shocked that Levi sided with David, but honestly I do too. David is a good person, and we see that later in the ep where he doesn't tell Eden what Arei said.

5. J CALLED OUT HU??? UNEXPECTED. called her a stupid argument moderator. Interesting. I love you J, but watch it.

6. Veronika's secret isn't the worst thing she's ever done- interesting. I think it could be the thing she's the most ashamed of, but you never know. It really breaks my heart for Hu, and I hope we get a backstory on her soon.

I'm coming back after point 14 and adding this: these secrets don't seem to be any of the worst things they've ever done, nor relevant to the killing game (besides "Xander's"). These secrets are personal. I think they each have worse secrets but they are too related to the killing game so they couldn't give those out.

7. Excuse you, David. Freaky ass.

8. that is NOT Teruko's secret 😭😭😭

9. This is seriously rich coming from J, as she usually escalates the situation.

10. Eden's monologue broke my heart. I am so glad David lied to her at the end, or I think Eden's heart would've been broken. This just makes me so sad.

11. "That maybe there would be a world in which we would be friends." I'm sure there would be, since your fans have created worlds that you're dating her.

12. Arei needs to genuinely shut up. This is where I get very upset and irrational. I am so fucking mad at Arei for lying to Eden. For the rest of Eden's life she's going to be wondering what she could've done or if her friendship was enough. Why the fuck would you lie and say you believed you could change, only to come back and admit you know you can't. My heart breaks for Arei though, because I believe she could've changed. This especially makes me so upset because as a previously bad person who relates to Arei and tries to change, I feel like I'm going to give up hope to do so too. Obviously I gotta overpower and not let fiction effect my reality, but it really hurts.

13. Arei's worldview that nobody is a good person mirrors David's (though David excludes Xander). Makes me really sad. I can hope, but there's really no hope left.

14. Well we know who attacked Xander (what the actual fuck). I hope we learn how that ties in later. Eden's hidden quote, "you can never go back, no matter how hard you try." maybe it's referring to this incident instead of the situationship with her friends in the past.

15. Love this.

16. WE HAD A JRUKO MOMENT!!! So happy about this!!!

17. Why the actual fuck does Whit know so much about how that hanging mechanism would work. You're making yourself look so suspicious. High and low were highlighted, which was interesting.

18. Whit said this murder would've been hard if Arei wasn't a willing victim. If she was, this just makes this case even more tragic. She may have convinced herself to give up hope and cooperated with the killer, which pains me a lot. I think this was due to David's secret.

19. I love the carousel bit! And the banter between Arturo and Whit. They had banter last trial too, so that's a continuation. Maybe they'll have a confrontation in the future.

20. NICO FUCKED BRO

21. At this point my only logical conclusion of who I think the killer could be is J.

22. Everyone is bringing up Ace's friend- Taylor! It's seriously throwing me for a loop bc that's my name!

ENDING:

To clarify, I think it's sad that Arei believes she can't change and even started doubting Eden.

[fertilize-my-eggs]

My online friend. Part 1

A03

A/n: this story will be up to 40 ch, I couldn't resist making this story, I'll get back into writing again, I've been dealing with my mental health so don't worry!! I'll get back into writing my fanfic very soon!!

I sigh heavily from my work, it is exhausting working as a business woman. My coworker has given me hell since day one except for one coworker… his name is Elliot. He is a sweet and helpful man but he is also a huge nerd. He recommended that I play league of legends.

At first, I didn't know how to play the game and I wasn't really into video games as much but he insisted that I would enjoy it.

I head into my room to get clean clothes to shower and then go to my desk to play the game.

I stretch a bit as I grab the clothes, I head to my pc to start it, I watch the screen turn bright as I click the download button for the game.

While it's downloading, it was time for me to get into the shower. I pull my phone out of my pocket to message Elliot.

(Me:) How do you play League of legends??

I click send to him as I walk into the bathroom, I put my favorite music to listen to as I begin to take my clothes off.

The shower will definitely help me from the stress, I hear a bing coming from my phone.

(Elliot:) It's pretty easy. All you gotta do is pick a character and it's a clicking type of game.

I narrowed my eyes as I huffed out, I began to type back.

(Me:) Easier for you .. I have no clue what to do.

(Elliot:) You'll be fine just watch some YouTube video of the game, I gotta get going. my wife will be upset at me for our date.

I sigh softly as I turn the water on, step inside the warm water hit my skin as I sigh in relief, ahh it feels so nice.

Watch a video of the game but it wouldn't be fun…. But then again, it's easier to know what you're doing.

I put my head on the wall as I sigh heavily, this is stupid… I shouldn't be overthinking this, it's a game, it's supposed to be fun.

I scrubbed my hair with soap, I hum quietly to the music, dancing as I shake my hips to the song.

Once I finish my hair, I begin to clean my body with soapy sponge. I scrubbed every inch until I finished with the shower.

I get out to dry myself and put a towel over my head, I dress in my comfy outfit, I put my dirty work clothes into the basket, I need to do laundry but that's another time when I have my day off.

I removed the towel as I threw it into the basket as well.

I head into my room as I sit down on my desk to see the game playing.

I smile, it looks cool.

It's telling me to start the username…. Create a username like.. I'm not great with names.

I pout as I think of names, maybe something simple and funny.

Maybe… I don't know. I typed a few names, none of them were available, I sighed heavily.

I type it pinkcloudkitty, it was available, my smile wide in joy. This is gonna be amazing, the characters show up on my screen as I feel clueless on who to pick, I pick random girl characters.

It was loading as I clapped my hands together, this is exciting.

I noticed it was online multiplayer, getting curious about who will play with me, I saw the chatroom typing away.

My character was in the middle, me being dumbfounded by this game, I started to click random things.

I saw the chat going crazy.

(Magiklord:) U suck at this game

(Mrstealurkill:) R u a girl?!?

(Kingslayer:) Shut up, play the game.

I narrowed my eyes as I continued to play, I tried my best to continue but I saw the text flying in.

(Magiklord:) Ofc it a girl, she's suck at this game lol.

I want to scream at this person, I begin to type feelings a bit hurt by this.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) Screw you magiklord, I'm new to the game jerk.

I got killed by a character as I sighed, this is ass.

Until I read the chat.

(Magiklord:) You're only good at being in the kitchen and being a wife.

Oh he is one of those…. I bite my lips, feeling angry boiling my skin, I begin to type but I pause to read the message.

(Kingslayer:) Dude, that is not cool of u. piss off with that.

(Magiklord:) Oh you're gonna be her white knight, you want her? Don't u king slayer?

Who is this king slayer, I feel flattered that this person is helping me.

(Kingslayer:) Why does it matter, u shouldn't treat others like that.

(Kingslayer:) If you keep this up, u will get blocked.

My character responds as I continue to play the game, I see king slayer’s character coming near me.

(Kingslayer:) I can help u if u want, pinkcloudkitty.

I smile at this, this is helpful then I see the asshole comment.

(Magiklord:) R u trying to get her as your gf lol.

(Kingslayer:) Shut up, you're getting a warning.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) You're annoying magiklord, had your mom taught you manners??

(Magiklord:) No, I'm not a sensitive woman like u lol u should quit the game.

(Magiklord:) Get back into the kitchen n make me sandwich lmao.

I slam my fist on the desk, feeling pretty irritated by this username, I started to type back only for them to disappear, huh what happened? The match already ended as I saw the menu as if it was just me and kingslayer.

He messaged me.

(Kingslayer:) Hey u alright over here? He's not gonna bother us anymore, he got banned lol.

I smile at this, this is great good riddance, I type back.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) Yeah I'm fine, thank u for the help, I appreciate it.

(Kingslayer:) Yeah no prob. u can ask me anything, I'll help u out :)

Is this a new friend? I'm getting excited but I check the time to see it is getting late, so I type back.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) Hey it's getting pretty late for me, do you want to play games together?

(Kingslayer:) Yeah sure.

I smile as I giggle with joy, I type back.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) Great!! I'm _____ !! It's nice meeting you friend! ^.^

I see him pausing for a moment as he types back.

(Kingslayer:) Oh.. you're not Japanese?? 

(Pinkcloudkitty:) Huh? No, I'm from the usa.

(Kingslayer:) Ohhh ok. That's pretty cool.. I'm Tomura, I'll teach you how to play the game.

Tomura… it's a nice name, I begin to blush as I type back.

(Pinkcloudkitty:) You have a pretty name, we'll continue this tomorrow goodnight tomura~!!!

I smile grow big as I lean back to see him typing…. Pausing, then typing again.

(Kingslayer:).... Thank you, sleep well _____ goodnight.

I quickly added him as a friend, and I turned off the laptop.

Make a new friend.

My online friend tomura.

[scooburst]

Scoosletter

Heya. No updates.

Am I okay: .

Things that happened: .

Log:

(This paragraph is a log I made at 6:24 AM, the rest of the log is at night)

I had to physically shut off a playlist about 5 minutes ago because i accidentally clicked one I made for someone I just lost. (They aren’t dead.) Not sure how to cope.

And now it’s later in the day

School fucking sucked. Nobody has talked this out and I’m stuck in between. Only one didn’t vent to me about it and expect me to agree. I’ve got 3 different views rhag aren’t even mine. I should’ve stopped it sooner. Instead I ignores it. I think they hate me. They should.

My parents are being rude as always. I need to move and I’m forced to sit. It’s called ADHD. Please turn down the radio I don’t like how loud it is, but instead they turned it up on purpose. It’s so loud. I’m really overstimulated now.

Only thing that really gets me happy these days is my buddies. Which is nice, since j can contact most of em whenever. But I’m still so isolated and it sucks. I don’t mind it as mcuh anymore. I think im used to it. I’m learning how to get around the limits and ways to entertain myself with them. For example: how high of a score can I get in the minute I’m allowed? What if I color swap this guy in markup? Etc. I’m getting bored again though. Working through it. Still no idea when I’m allowed time again. I know I’m getting a new phone soon since this one is 7 years old and dies whenever the fuck it wants. Slow too. It’s alright. I’m alive aren’t I?

I’ve had a few people tell me to talk to someone or get help, and I actually am, as I’ve said before :)

I am in therapy, even if it’s not as often as I’d like, and I am talking to trusted people when I need too. So please just don’t go “get help” “go to therapy”. I’m not mad about it. Just don’t like it very much. I also don’t really appreciate whoever was on anon spamming “mentally ill” earlier. I blocked them. So. Idc who they were, fuck off. I fully understand I have mental health issues and am addressing them. Cool.

That was really only like one or three folks, so don’t take that personally

Final thing is, my nose has been bleeding for a while now. I think I broke it, idk. I got punched. It’s prolly fine 👍

I’ve noticed my parents doesn’t really trust me, but I have done nothing untrustworthy and only lied when I had too. So. Maybe if they tried?

Lyric: I smile when I cry to hide what I felt, “I’m doing fine”, speak for yourself - 2085, AJR

lyric 2: you gotta get better your all that I got. - 2085 again lol

Tags: @honey-bell-aint-well @skelpiescool @doubladescimitar @mydysfunctionallife @youtry2replaceurself @100percentevil

Lmk about tags ig

[kafus]

your recent post about love kind of made me want to tell you but ive always had a bit of a crush on you 🙈

we probably live in different places based on when your active on tumblr and discord so i dont think i'll ever tell you off anon since itd be fruitless.... but youll definitely find a girlfriend who accepts all of you, i frequently think about you and also follow your mental health sideblog. what you do with pokemon is incredibly cool to me, learning a little bit about DID through you has felt kind of relatable too. ive had "fantasies" about us comforting each other through mental health things (i dont have DID but i do have dissociation issues...) idk i just think youre really interesting and passionate and smart and im attracted to that. youll definitely have someone someday

okay upfront i just gotta say

we probably live in different places based on when your active on tumblr and discord

this probably means nothing. for the record my timezone is EST and it's 11 am as i type this. i post on tumblr and discord in the middle of the night OFTEN because my sleep schedule isn't real so i figured i'd clarify but um anyway

this was a really surreal message to get considering how messed up i've been about the idea that no one could ever possibly find me attractive lately and i commend the bravery in sending it even on anon and i really appreciate it. scratches forehead i am definitely demiromantic to some degree which makes things more difficult, i don't just wanna say "come off anon" because i know that i can't accept a confession from someone i am not already a good friend with. BUT. that being said. since you bring up discord i assume we're in similar circles and i am always down to make new friends. me being spotty with activity sometimes doesn't mean i'm not interested and in fact i love when people ping me or pester me online LOL i really appreciate being reached out to even if sometimes i miss things! so please feel free to reach out and get to know me etc. i can't promise a reciprocation of feelings but yknow. i don't bite

regardless of any of the above it's nice to know that someone could think of me that way. so thank you for telling me

[yukichouji]

Some personal thoughts under the cut. It's fine to skip, I just wanted to put my thoughts somewhere. Always feels less dramatic when I write it down or say it out loud to someone and being stuck alone at home while sick for the second week in a row has to dem thoughts a circling.

Second week of sick leave and I am slowly driving myself insane. Take care of your mental health, kids, or it will take care of you (and not in the nice way)....

All joking aside, last year was just a *lot*, with little to no time/energy to properly digest. And of course, being home sick with not actually enough energy/brainpower to deal with all the feels in a good way but also not enough brain power/energy to keep the mind occupied and from wandering is a great time for things to catch up with you.

I'm making it sound more dramatic than it really is, again, but being an overly dramatic bitch is one of my few joys in life so here we are...

I guess it's just easy for the anxieties to build up when there is so much still hanging in the air that I can't really do anything practical about, yet. Plus the stress of missing work again combined with working in a field where getting a contract that covers a full year and not just chunks of it at a time is actually almost a luxury doesn't help either.

And this is, like, the forth or fith time this winter that I've been sick and off work for multiple weeks at a time. Gotta talk to my doctor about that, too, for sure. I guess I just need to live with the fact that health (in the physical sense) is an issue now, that trying to power through will make it worse, that my health is what dictates what I can and cannot do, not what I want, etc. etc.

I've had my mental health setting my cans and can'ts for me for the first health of my life and now it's the physical on top of that from here on out. I'm not a medical professional, but I've done a lot of reading to try to understand better what is happening to me and I think this may just be part of what living in a constant state of life or death stress response (what cPTSD does to you) catching up with the physical form of it all. You know?

Avoiding stress as best I can is now mandatory, not because it will actually make the stuff I'm dealing with better, but because that's the only option in not making it worse.

I don't have the energy to go over the whole story right now, but in an attempt to not sound so obtuse: I got diagnosed with three different food intolerances last year (dealt with EDs for over a decade, plus stress and the gut is a thing. I know some of that stuff is heredetary, but not always. Gotta have fucked something up there) which meant having to completely restructure my eating habits. Still trying to figure shit out honestly, it's *complicated*TM. And severe sleep apnea (apparently I just stop breathing over 50 times an hour at night for no good reason. My brain not giving the signal to breathe is the problem, not the usual, physical thing where your air way collapses and blocks itself) so now I sleep with a breathing machine (and will for the rest of my life, probably). And PLMDs, kind of like restless leg, where your brain keeps sending signals to your arms and legs to move and that keeps waking you up at night. Am trying to find the right meds for that but have not yet been successfull. Both are accasserbated by stress. I am constantly tired to the point of barely being able to function. Plus pretty intense Endomitriosis, which seems to also have affected my gut. Meds for that are mostly working, as of a couple of months ago, thank god. Still needs a bit of fine tuning, but I've finally found a pill that dials down most of the symptoms to way tolerable and doesn't make me feel so depressed I just want to die. So that's cool.

We have a system here in germany where you can get "disability percentages" based on how badly your quality of life is impaired by the illnesses your dealing with and it is getting harder and harder to get them, but I at least want to try. It would help with some stuff. But I gotta have the energy for the process and you can also only include things that you've had at least half a year of treatment for, so I still need to wait a little bit.

Trying to come to terms with all of this has been a bit, well, you know... Not easy. A lot of the time I'm still just kind of, too tired to feel much of anything, which helps. But is unpleasant when you've just got enough energy again to do feel things, but not enough to really do anything about it.

Gotta give yourself room to feel and breathe and just proccess, I guess.

With all of this doom an gloom, I kind of feel that it's important to state that I very much know that in the grand sceme of things my own suffering is miniscule compared to the suffering that others are going through right now. None of this will kill me outright. I still have much more quality of life than others with chronic illnesses (it gets so much worse than me here). And I'm still very glad to be here, alive, and all that. None of that sort of doom and gloom here. Just kinda wanted to get all that off my chest I guess. I write to get things out of my head and process them. Even though usually it's a little more refined than whatever this ended up being.

If you actually read to the end of this, I apologize. Here is some tea.

Go wrap yourself in a comfy blanket. Get yourself a treat, maybe. Do something nice for yourself.

[tenebriskukris]

Oshi No Ko Chapter 162 - My Thoughts/Analysis

This chapter finally closes the book on this Hikaru-Aqua confrontation and gave us a shitty cliffhanger that we’re stuck waiting three bloody weeks for a conclusion. At this point I just want to put this manga to rest so that it can let me down one last time.

The chapter starts us off back in the saddle with Aqua and Hikaru.These were a cool couple of panels—with a shot of the backdrop then Aqua trying to strangle Hikaru, but I felt like this first page was largely unnecessary given how the last chapter ended.

I hit my head on a rock. Please imagine me staring at this page with a deadpan look. Aqua has LITERALLY stabbed himself before pushing the two of them down to the ocean. That’s some real good excuse to justify how Hikaru couldn’t have just swam away from Aqua considering that our protagonist is literally bleeding out. The most vexing part of these series of panels is that they just handwaved actually SHOWING them both tumble down the ocean. And while, yes, it probably wouldn’t have been necessary, the fact that the chapter just cuts away to such a halfhearted explanation when the first page was LITERALLY just filler feels too much like a cheap bait and switch for me to feel like this development was anything but an asspull.

Am I going to die in a place like this? Considering how this bitch is responsible for at least two deaths in the series so far—I find it very fitting that Hikaru is going to die Just Like This. Yura died in a similar manner, alone and isolated with her murderer gloating that he’d killed her and now it’s his turn on the chopping block.

Holy crap that shot of Goro’s shadow pulling Hikaru down! And then the one with Aqua floating upward while a bunch of shadowy hands drag Hikaru down…that’s some pretty on the nose symbolism of the people that Hikaru has intentionally or unintentionally ruined with his schemes. I’d have liked to get an actual body count for Hikaru as well as, you know, good fucking characterization that doesn’t rely on a deus ex machena, but we can’t all get what we want.

I felt like I was only alive when I was with Ai. [...] Even if it was the weight of my own sin. I wanted to feel it forever. The Japanese mental health system—or lack thereof—claims another victim. Still a murderer, though.

I could’ve felt you more if I had killed Ruby. Unrepentant to the end, I see. Good fucking riddance to terribly written antagonists. As sad as Hikaru’s backstory is, it falls squarely under the category of “Sad motive! Still murder.” As much as I can sympathize with his sad backstory and the way that his life turned out, that doesn’t excuse the fact that, you know, he literally had a hand in murdering people—but I’m getting ahead of myself, I’ll touch on those thoughts after the chapter.

And now we return to Crow Girl. Are we going to get the deus ex machena now? 

OH HEY I KNOW THIS PANEL FROM THE ANIME OPENING! Whether or not the anime staff knew that this panel was going to happen or the authors took inspiration from it isn’t quite clear but it’s a nice little nod and a wink to the anime. Crossing my fingers that it’ll get to this point and fix up some of the garbage pacing we see during these last two dozen chapters, but considering we just got a season three for the anime I think it’s likely we’ll be getting to this point.

Have you finally found your mission? Oh? Are we going to finally find out why Aqua was reincarnated in the first place? I’d been hypothesizing that it had to do with Ruby for awhile now outside these analyses since that was one of the only constants that Aqua had when he was reincarnated but I’m curious to see how this mess goes.

The reason I lived…was to protect my own sister. That’s—hm. Well. I certainly have Thoughts about That but we’ll get to that after the chapter. The page dealing with Aqua and Ruby’s interactions…as well as that panel of Goro and Sarina…it’s pretty sad, I gotta admit. 

Thank goodness. This time I can die before you. Sad little panel, but considering there is Literally a god watching Aqua and said god is one that is sort of invested in his story at the moment—enough to actually interfere with said story as an actor in the fucking movie at his behest—I think it’s more than likely that Aqua survives this whole ordeal.

This was honestly a bit of a shorter chapter to get through but it’s still one that I have plenty of thoughts about.

There was originally an entire mountain of paragraphs here about Hikaru and his place as an antagonist of the series, but I wrote so much about that topic that I’ve decided to turn it into its own post instead of inserting it here. Expect that analysis to come out hopefully before the next chapter drops. I’ll instead focus on Aqua concluding that he was born to protect Ruby.

I’m honestly torn about the reveal. On the one hand it makes a certain degree of sense—in a messy and half assed sort of way. After Ai’s death he was considerably more protective of his sister—following her into the same high school as well as going so far as to shut down Ruby’s attempts to become an underground idol. This is compounded by the fact that Aqua asked Kana to protect his precious sister when he was persuading her to join B-Komachi, as well as scouted Mem—someone who he’d known and who he’d already grasped her character—into B-Komachi instead of any strangers that could’ve been Ruby’s idol partners.Hell, he’d even done quite a bit of legwork to ensure that his sister’s first performance had gone well by posing as Pieyon.

On the other hand I feel very dissatisfied with Aqua’s conclusion because of everything that had happened in the series ex post facto. If this was a theme that the writers wanted to press for the ending of the series then it should’ve been highlighted a hell of a lot more! The page full of panels detailing scenes where Aqua “protects” Ruby just fall flat because of the fact that these are all completely new panels that the reader hasn’t ever seen! If this was supposed to be A Thing then why weren’t these panels sprinkled into the series beforehand??? Why weren’t there more interactions with Aqua protecting Ruby so that readers could go “Aqua has always been protecting Ruby throughout the series so revealing that Aqua’s purpose was all to protect Ruby makes sense.” Except it doesn’t! The examples that I’d previously mentioned are nice and all but it isn’t substantial enough for me to fully be on board with this reveal as most of said examples were in the earlier part of the series! Where’s Aqua protecting Ruby in the later arcs, huh? Where do we get to see Aqua intentionally going out of his way to keep an eye on Ruby, to make sure she’s protected post Tokyo Blade? One could argue that Akane disguising herself as Ruby sort of counts since Aqua is involved in it, but come the fuck on would it be so hard to actually SHOW that Aqua had a hand in it instead of handwaving that plot thread???

Obviously this reveal needs to be taken into the proper context—the manga’s writing and quality has fallen dramatically below average for the past forty chapters or so. But the fact that the page showing all the times Aqua “protected” Ruby contained completely new panels is just so incredibly egregious. You’d think that such an important reveal—the entire REASON that Aqua was reincarnated in the first place would have been established more during the course of the whole bloody series instead of shoving these completely new panels down our throat without priming the readers for this reveal in the first place!

If I’m giving the manga the benefit of the doubt—which I shouldn’t even be doing because of how objectively bad some of these chapters have been recently—there’s still plenty of room for doubt with regards to Aqua’s conclusion. It wouldn’t be the first time that Aqua was just plain wrong—he assumed his father was dead without making any effort to confirm that. These characters aren’t infallible, though with how the narrative speaks through the characters on occasion it’s easy to forget that. Obviously if the manga doesn’t deign to comment on Aqua’s conclusion again then it’s de facto canon because they’d need to clarify such an important plot beat and not let an incorrect conclusion stand by unchallenged.

The other interpretation of these events is that Aqua was too blinded by revenge to fulfill the reason he was reincarnated, and therefore, there wouldn’t have been many moments where Aqua was able to protect Ruby. But I find that interpretation, for lack of a better term, a hot steaming pile of BULLSHIT. The only reason that Aqua was able to “protect” Ruby here in the first place from Hikaru was because he had gone through his revenge scheme in the first place! If Aqua didn’t spend this much effort trying to catch Hikaru throughout the series and instead decided to become a surgeon like he wanted, then Hikaru would’ve had a free hand to target Ruby whenever he wanted. He wouldn’t have been able to find out Hikaru’s identity, nor would he be able to figure out that he wouldn’t be satisfied with killing Ai, or even that Ruby was at risk in the first place. If Aqua didn’t attempt to find Hikaru to take revenge, then Ruby would’ve been collateral damage in the process.

I do wonder though—disregarding whether or not Aqua is right about why he was reincarnated—what was the reason that Ruby was reincarnated in the first place? The obvious answer is Ruby was reincarnated as a twin to meet AquaGoro again. Aqua’s reason—assuming it’s accurate—for reincarnating was related to Ruby, and it’d make a certain degree of sense for the reverse to be true as well. Of course, that’s all just speculation, but it makes one wonder…

On the whole though, this chapter certainly happened. Hikaru and Aqua’s second confrontation has ended with Hikaru finally biting it and Aqua’s state being unknown for three bloody weeks. And with four bloody chapters remaining for the manga, I don’t expect anything resembling a good ending to wrap up any of the lingering plot threads the manga’s been pushing at us.

[skyward-floored]

8 9 10 11 23 25 26 29 and 30 for Lost? 🥺

sorry if this is too many 😅

- hero-of-the-wolf

*rubs hands excitedly* it’s not too many at all :D

8) What hobbies does your OC have? What do they do to unwind?

Aside from hanging out with Epona... he honestly doesn’t have very many lol. If he has any downtime he’s either with Epona, Zelda, or his father, and he kind of just goes along with whatever they’re doing at the time. He pets Epona and goes on rides with her, he listens to Zelda’s excited talks about astronomy and magic, and just kinda hangs out with his dad.

After... everything, though, I could see him taking up poetry, weirdly enough. It’s a way to work through everything.

9) How does your OC handle their physical health? Do they take care of themselves?

Lost keeps himself pretty in shape, since he’s a knight and all he’s gotta stay fit for that 💪 He’s bad at taking care of himself apart from that though LOL, he’s kind of a workaholic, and Zelda often has to go order him to go away and get some rest (or his dad has to come and drag him off to bed haha)

10) How does your OC handle their mental health? Do they take care of themselves?

Before everything? Lost’s mental health is alright, he’s got a pretty stable life all things considered. There’s the workaholic thing of course, and he has some trouble making friends since he’s so quiet, but things are still generally fine.

After everything? ...He’s an utter disaster. He’s not really processing anything very well, and the guilt of everything is like physical weight around his neck. Basically depression land for him.

11) What was your inspiration for your OC?

One day several years ago, my younger siblings were talking about how it would cool if there was a Zelda game where Link was the one captured instead and Zelda was who you played as. My sister drew a picture of Link in a cage, and she said the game would be called “The Missing Link” and I went “hey yeah that would be pretty cool” and here we are today lol. It’s actually changed a lot from the first basic story I started with!

23) Is your OC reliable? Can I call them up at two in the morning if I have a flat tire?

Oh yeah, for sure. If it was modern then he’d already be getting in his car to come assist you by the time you finished asking him for help XD

25) Are they the kind of person who can't resist a good song? Can I catch your OC singing to themselves while they do the dishes?

Hm, I’d say he likes music a lot, but he’s terribly shy about it and much prefers to listen rather than sing himself. He’s got a nice voice though, if he ever used it.

26) What flower do you associate your OC with?

Good question... maybe crocuses? Specifically either the blue ones or the really dark purple ones :)

29) Imagine a mood board for your OC! What's on it? (Make it if you want!)

Hmmm I’m not good at moodboards sdjdbdbdgshd. Probably a lot of landscapes since that’s what I like. Ones where the lighting is golden but there’s darkness around as well. Landscapes where it’s sunny where you are, but you can see a storm approaching with such heavy rain you can see it falling. Those pictures of snow at night where everything is glowing in a weirdly comforting way. Stuff like that I suppose.

A bit like these pictures I’ve taken I think:

30) My OC and your OC are friends. This isn't a question. I'm not asking. (How do they respond?)

Wait YOU HAVE AN OC?? OCS??? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS they’re definitely friends for sure absolutely <3

[nickeverdeen]

Can I ask what's your favorite and least favorite canon and non-canon ship for every fandom? I'd like to get to know you better! (Obvi you can choose two or more if you can't decide)

Omg, hi cariño, I gotta say that in some fandoms I don’t really have favourite ships so I’m sorryyyy and I’m sorry for answering the next day, but it was a lot to put together.

To everyone please be respectful

Least favourite ship = Orange / Favourite ship = Green

Overwatch

Okay, I’ve never really looked through ships for this fandom, but I do have a little thing going over here

Cannon = Cassidy x Mercy - McMercy / Lena x Emily - Lenily

Non-canon = Genji x Lena - Grencer / Genji x Mercy - Gency

Why = I’m not sure, but going to McMercy I never really liked their dynamic or how they worked it kidna felt a bit too preassured. With Lenily - they’ve been my no. 1 forever since I found out about them - they’re absolutely precious. I don’t think I have to explain Grencer. Gency is just for me really comforting and it’s a nice kind of ship.

But also! I remember when I was younger and watched the animated Overwatch movie there was a scene between Lena and Widowmaker and… I still kidna see it there for some reason 😭

The Maze Runner

There are literally just two canon ships to this so that was a bit of a trouble

Cannon = Brenda x Thomas - Trenda / Thomas x Teresa - Thomesa

Non-canon = Alby x Chuck - Chalby / Sonya x Harriet - Sonyarriet

Why = Honestly I think literally no one agrees with my first point, but when you take Trenda - Brenda would be good with Thomas, but it was in the wrong time as it felt like he kidna used the image of them dating to start to get over Teresa. Thomesa wasn’t healthy a lot later in more movies, but looking at the time before she betrayed them and all it seemed pretty healthy to me, plus I liked the redemption arc between them. Chalby… I’m not sure if I should even explain this, but sure firstly Chuck is 12 years old while Alby is 18 years old and I just see Chuck looking at Alby as an older brother or prehaps a mentor, but definetly not a lover. Sonyarriet was my top 1 and I refused to believe after joining the fandom that they ain’t dating and I still strongly think that if they weren’t dating in the past one of them had a crush on the other.

By the way, when I was younger and first saw the movies and read the books I was loving Avason (Ava x Jason) ship… for some reason as rn I can’t remember any chemistry between them, but I think it’d still be pretty cool if they’d have the like “I like you, but fuck you” or “I like you, but I can’t have you” arc

The Hunger Games

Canon = Katniss x Gale - Everthrone / Finnick x Annie - Odesta

Non-canon = Katniss x Cinna - Cinniss + Katniss x Rue - Rueniss / Katniss x Cressida - Kessida

Why = Now, Everthrone wasn’t fully a canon, but a temporary one yet it still counts - now it’s not ‘cause Peeta is a better ship with her, I don’t like this ship ‘cause very obviously right after the first movie/book Gale was preassuring Katniss about their relationship and from my perspective he didn’t even really care for her mental health after the games a lot. Odesta is in my opinion pure and amazing ship and I’m really glad that they’re canon. Cinniss is just painful for me to even look at - like c’mon that’s just terrible. Rueniss? Fuck off, she’s a child and it’s literally mentioned that she reminds Katniss of Prim (which is her sister) and like… no just no. Now, I can’t really explain Kessida at all, but I just see it there as a nice possibility.

Harry Potter

Canon = Hermione Granger x Ron Weasley - Romione / Harry Potter x Ginny Weasley - Hinny + Scorpius x Albus - Scorbus (idk if it’s canon)

Non-canon = Viktor Krum x Hermione Granger - Krumione + Albus Severus Potter x Delphini Riddle - Alphini + Harry Potter x Hermione - Harmony / Harry Potter x Hermione - Harmony + Draco x Harry - Drarry + Hermione x Fleur - Fleurmione (hear me out-) + Hermione x Ginny - Herminny + Scorpius x Albus - Scorbus

Why = With Romione I pretty much always disagreed with anyone and it may sound mean, but I just simply don’t think that Ron is good enough for Hermione, sue me. Hinny is a pretty interesting ship and in the books it’s a lovely and lively one, but in the movies it’s a bit dead so we’re not gonna take the movies part for this ship. Like I said idk if Scorbus is canon or not, but they had tons of chemistry throughout the book that it can’t be ignored. Krumione was just an offence for me to even think about them being together. Listen, I get why you ship Alphini, but like… no, that’s a no for me - it was rushed, toxic and appeared a bit out of nowhere. I decided to put Harmony into both liked and not as I can see them being together just fine, but thes give off siblings kind of vibe. Drarry is a treasure itself. Now hang on, Fleurmione isn’t that bad of an idea - like a little enemies to lovers. Herminny was my thing since I joined the fandom so no one can take that from me (2 years age gap isn’t that bad).

Arcane

Considering there are only 2 canons I can’t really choose

Canon = Caitlyn x Vi - CaitVi

Non-canon = Jinx x Ekko - idk the name / Jayce x Viktor - JayVik

Why = CaitVi is pretty obvious I think. Idk why people ship Jinx and Ekko so much? Like sure, it’d look fine (ig?), but like there was zero trace of anything happening and it’d be toxic af. JayVik is a canon in my head, tbh.

Divergent

Canon = Tobias x Christina - Tobina / Will x Christina - Chrill

Non-canon = Jeanie x Tris - idk the name / Christina x Tris - Tristina

Why = Tobina felt a tiny bit forced if you ask me and it just wasn’t working out. Chrill deserved more time together and even though Will’s death was important for the plot I feel like they deserved much more time of this pure couple together. Jeanie x Tris is actually a big ship and I just�� help I don’t think I have to explain my dislikes for this. This may come off as boring, but I genuinely think that Tristina isn’t a bad idea and it’d actually be pretty interesting.

The 100

Canon = Clarke x Wells (former relationship) - Wellarke + Wells x Sasha - Wellsha / Clarke x Lexa - Clexa + Octavia x Anna - Octanna

Non-canon = Bellamy x Wells - Wellamy / Clarke x Sasha - Clasha + Clarke x Octavia - Clarktavia + Raven x Clarke - Princess Mechanic

Why = Wellarke is obviously beyond repair, but I just wanted to point it out again. About Wellsha I’m gonna be probably a bit mean, but I’m not sorry when I say that Wells wasn’t good enough for Sasha. Clexa was a bit complicated for me to make an opinion about at first, but later when they’re fully together I really like the dynamic and change of behaivors. Octanna will always have my heart and I’m not giving up on my girls ever - it was so pure. Wellamy… don’t even get me started how absurt it feels like for me. Clasha would work gorgerously - especially with Clarke persistent on keeping Sasha safe while the whole camp was against her and chained her up. Clarktavia is something I find hard to defend, but I just see it there (more in the books). Princess Mechanic ship name is actually a canon btw, but I find the arc between them pretty cool and same like Clarktavia it’s hard for me to defend them.

Detroit Become Human

I’m gonna get a beating for this-

Canon = Luther x Kara - Luthara (semi-canon) / Markus x North - Norkus

Non-canon = Chloe x Connor - Chlonnor / Connor x Kara - Connara + Connor x North - Connorth + Simon x Markus - Sikus

Why = Luthara felt a bit forced and I’d prefer Kara being alone. Norkus was at first a bit weird for me, but later you see it ain’t that bad. Chlonnor was out of nowhere and I personally didn’t see it there that much. Connara was also out of nowhere, but I could see it. Connorth was my starter ship when I first started in this fandom and I’ll still stand with it. Sikus is just pure and deserved to be a possible canon.

The Legend of Korra

Canon = Mako x Korra - Makorra (former) + Korra x Bolin - Borra (former) / Korra x Asami - Korrasami + Kai x Jinora - Kainora

Non-canon = Bolin x Varrick - Borrick + Lin x Korra - Korralin / Korra x Kuvira - Korriva

Why = Kainora was in my opinion the pure child’s love that was perfect. Makorra was toxic and I hope we all saw that - especially with Korra still figuring out her behaivors in season 1. Borra would be perfect, but it was wrong time as it felt like Korra used Bolin. Korrasami was the fix to Korra’s previous relationship as she needed someone who’d be able to have the patience, dominance and understandinh with her I think. Borrick was… a very big of a no for me. Korralin was also a big no and I always thought of their relationship as a mother & daughter. Korriva… I can’t defend myself here, but I’d just like to see it (even if they’d break up) especially when Korra had to decide between Kuvira and Lin’s sister’s side (I forgot her name).

Avatart The Last Airbender

Honestly, I don’t really have preference for this fandom

The Arrow

Same as with the one above - I don’t have preference here

The Umbrella Academy

Canon = Diego x Lila - Delila + Five x Dolores - Filores / Viktor x Sissy - Vissy

Non-canon = None

Why = Delila was not working and I think that no matter how much they’d try they’d always end up apart - it felt forced and toxic. Do I have to explakn Filores? Vissy was so beautifully portraited and they matched each other so well, but they were in the wrong timeline for their relationship.

The Sparrow Academy

It’s part of The Umbrella Academy

The Last of Us 1 + 2

I can’t say as the only canon ship we see enough of is Dina x Ellie

Horizon (both games)

Canon = Aloy x Avad - Alad (semi-canon) / Aloy x Seyka - Alyka (depends on player’s choices, but it’s a semi-canon) + Aloy x Petra - Altra (semi-canon)

Non-canon = Erend x Aloy - Erloy / Talanah x Aloy - Taloy

Why = I think in general that Aloy isn’t ready for a relationship, but if we’re working with what we have: Alvad would in my opinion clash around a lot - especially in the first game when Aloy clashes a bit with authorities themselves. Alyka was probably the best choice from the canons as I think that Seyka is the type that wouldn’t preassure Aloy into anything, but also would know when and how (after some time) to pull a bit of a restrains in a healthy way as Aloy sometimes needs it. Altra was confirmed as an unrequited love and I think Petra was a bit too forward (especially in game one) for Aloy’s figuring. I can’t really say why I don’t like Erloy as they’d be good together, but I just don’t see it there like that. Taloy is a bit debatable, but overall to make it short she would probably be an ideal girlfriend for Aloy - more than Seyka maybe.

Spider-Man Across The Spiderverse

No preference

Nimona

Not enough ships

The Outer Banks

Canon = Pope x Cleo - Poleo / JJ x Kiara - Jiara

Non-canon = JJ x Sarah - Jrah / Kiara x Sarah - Kirah

Why = Even though Poleo is the healthies ship in the OBX it kidna feels like it popped up just for Pope to not be single? Jiara was my number one when I started watching it - they match each other really well and I’m here for it. Jrah… no. Kirah is actually in my opinion something that could happen before Kiara joined the pouges.

Five Nights at Freddy’s + Afton Family + The Old Guard

Not enough ships

Willow

Canon = Elora x Airk - Elirk / Kit x Jade - Kide

Non-canon = Elora x Kit - Elit / Graydon x Elora - Graylora

Why = Elirk were at the start really good together, but I think that Elora started feeling for Graydon throughout the show later on. Kide was I think a bit toxic, but with time prehaps they both (Kit mainly) will learn how to work better. Elit I would ship if Elora wouldn’t literally be related to Kit. Graylora is pretty healthy and would work well together.

Percy Jackson

Canon = Leo x Calypso - Leolypso / Percy x Anabeth - Percybeth + Nico x Will - Nill

Non-canon = Annabeth x Grover - Annaver / Clarisse x Silena - Clarena

Why = Leolypso was a bit toxic at the start and Calypso felt abusive, but it got better. Percybeth balances each other gorgerously and I love their dynamic. Nill is my favourite honestly and it feels like they were meant for each other. Annaver would never work out and I think Annabeth would be too much for Grover and Grover not enough for Annabeth and I don’t mean it like by qualities I mean it like Annabeth needs someone like Percy and Grover someone calmer. Clarena would maybe clash a bit at first, but I think they’d eventually balance each other out beautifully and it’d suit them together.

Star Wars

Oh boy… I would rather not answer as I might get in trouble for that

MCU

Canon = Bruce x Natasha - Brutasha / Tony x Pepper - Topper

Non-canon = Yelena x Kate - Kalena / Kate x Cassie - Kassie

Why = Brutasha is a bit weird in my opinion and as much as I hate to say it I think it’d suit Natasha better as a single person or that she needs someone more assertive and confident than Bruce. Topper was a bit uncomfortable ship for me at the start, but man now they go together so well. Kalena is a big no for me for obvious reason that I think we all know and I’m not sure why we still argue about it. Kassie wouldn’t be that bad - sure they never met, but I think their common randomness (Kate’s winning ofc) would actually be perfect and they would get along so well and before anyone comes to me with them not being close in age let me tell you that 4 years age gap isn’t bad.

Fourth Wing + Iron Flame

Canon = Violet x Xaden - Viden / Sawyer x Jesinia - Jesyer + Rhiannon x Tara - Tannon

Non-canon = Liam x Violet - Viam / Sawyer x Ridoc - Riyer

Why = Viden felt a bit more toxic while reading the second book and I personally hated the whole “you gotta ask me that specific question for me to tell you anything” thing - it was so unhealthy. Jesyer was so pure and I honestly hope we get to see more of them. Tannon doesn’t get enough attention and they work so well together. Viam is in my opinion a bullshit and they’re more like siblings. Before Jesyer happened I was actually hoping for Riyer to happen so bad and I’d give anything to get a book with how it’d look like.

Top Gun + The Devil All The Time

No comment

The Ballad of Snakes and Songbirds

Not enough canon ships to work with

Call of Duty + The Medium + The Powerful Elites

No comment

Bottoms

Canon = Isabel x Jeff - Jebel / Isabel x Josie - Jobel

Non-canon = PJ x Hazel - Pzel / Hazel x Stella - Stezel

Why = Jebel is itself obvious truly toxic and it hurt me seeing them get back together - like you gotta be blind to not see how it’s wrong. Jobel was created in a terrible way (the lying and all), but eventually I think they’ll work it out more properly with just enough time. Pzel is actually both semi-canon and non-canon so I didn’t know where to put it, but it was forced and Hazel was so confused by the kiss and PJ just isn’t ready for a relationship and just wants hook-ups obviously. Stezel was never really shown, but c’mon “family friend” with the way she talks anout Stella?

[sevendeadlyheadcanons]

All the sins with a s/o who can see and speak with ghosts and spirits. One day they bring up a spirit that’s been lingering around the sin, seemingly watching them and finds that it’s someone who was very important to them (each sin) how would they each react? (You can decide who the important person be, as I know some characters have canon important people in their lives and others we don’t know if they do) thank you!🤍

Hello! You asked for this 4 years ago idk if you’re even still into NNT but let’s do it anyway

Meliodas

-Imagine you just see Elizabeth 106 times and he’s like “What’s up man?”

-All jokes aside if this man has lost so much and you probably see so many different people around him. It’s very endearing to see the amount of people this man has touched the hearts of.

-He doesn’t ask you about your abilities, but one day after hearing about his past from every fallen friend he has ever had and you break and you tell him everything

-He would pretend to be deadpan about it and be like “Oh how nice” but inside he is DYING and mourning them all.

-I think the one that would officially break him would be if he knows Escanor is watching over him. He would break down.

Diane

-DOLORES‼️‼️‼️ she was so sweet

-You tell her about her abilities and she thinks it’s really cool. You wait a while to tell her dolores has been watching over her just incase she reacts negatively

-When you do tell her she begins to SOB

-Dolores is very proud of her for fighting in a way that she wants to fight instead of being what Matrona wants her to be.

-Dolores is also proud of Diane and Matrona for realising that there is more to life than fighting

-Diane is in tears and begins to shout out to Dolores that she will always be her best friend and that she misses her dearly

-You have to comfort your big crying gf

Ban

-Oh boy

-Imagine ghost Kilia still a baby still following Ban around like she did when she was alive simply because she doesn’t know any better

-Ghost Zhivago and Selion also watching over him and making sure he’s ok

-You tell him one day and he’s like “Cool, another freak you’ll fit in nicely here”

-If you’re his partner i’m gonna assume Elaine is still dead but she’s just happy that Ban managed to move on and find happiness.

-He has a whole club of deceased found family

-You one day tell him about his whole band of ghostly spectators and he simply grins.

-He’s too ‘manly’ to cry infront of you but he’s absolutely sobbing on the inside. He just shows a little grin

-“Guess I gotta lot of people to make proud now huh,” he sort of says to the sky.

-You hug him and he hugs back. Very emotional moment.

King

-“There’s been a green fairy following you around” “Yeah Helbram. I see him too he lives in my hat lmao”

-He doesn’t believe you when you first tell him about your abilities but you get a ghost to tell you the amount of coins he has in his pocket in order to gain his trust and he’s like “woah ok never mind”

-I guess a lot of fairies died while he was off with Diane so maybe they would tap in from time to time.

-They were originally vengeful but they’ve come to see how this impacted King and they realise it wasn’t his fault and are now mostly supportive

-You tell him about this one day while you’re both sitting under a tree

-He’s flabbergasted

-He keeps apologising and apologising again and again and you have to constantly reassure him they’re not mad and they’re rooting for him (you leave out that they were originally mad for his own mental health)

-You have to hug him to reassure him that this is in no way shape or form his fault

Gowther

-You don’t tell him, he finds out by reading your thoughts after he sees you staring into the sky at a different ghost one day and he’s like “neat”

-Imagine he hasn’t regained his memories yet and Nadja and Goatdad are following him. And you’re like “Do you know who these are?” and he’s like “No lol”

-Okok but after he regains his memories you tell him about his dad and dead girlfriend and he does choke up a little bit.

-They are both so so proud of him and you tell him that. He tells them (facing the opposite direction of them because he can’t see them) that he couldn’t have done it without them and thanks them.

-They both give him a lil kiss on the head and pat on the back and you have to narrate this for him because he obviously can’t feel it

-He is a mess. You have to give him a non spiritual hug and kiss.

Merlin

-When you tell her she has several questions including how often you see them, where they mostly linger, if you can enter the capital of the dead etc

-I can imagine that the entirety of Belialuin are watching her and they’re SO MAD like we all got DUNKED for THIS??

-Her father is also shaking his head disapprovingly at her.

-One day you ask her why there’s so many deceased people mad at her and she explains her background. That she was supposed to be a weapon for Belialuin. That they weren’t all supposed to die and things happened the way she didn’t intend it to.

-She is in great pain knowing that the ghosts from her past are disappointed in her but at the same time she knows things had to be the way they were in order for her to be the way she is. She has had over 3000 years to grieve and she simply has moved on.

-Merlin apologises to them, but tells them that this would never have happened if they treated her like the person she deserved to be treated as and was given the love she needed.

-This is very hard on her and you need to comfort her so badly, even if she’s too headstrong to confess that to you.

Escanor

-So he doesn’t particularly have any dead people in his past however Rosa was an adult when he was very young so we’re gonna pretend that she had passed away from old age (we don’t know much about her so it’s very possible)

-When you tell him about your abilities he thinks it’s very poetic. He feels very sorry for you and is always checking in to make sure you’re ok and that you didn’t see something horrific.

-When you tell him about Rosa he’s horrified. He didn’t know anything about her since he left his home country of Castellio so he wanted to assume she was alive and well.

-You have to comfort him in grieving her as well as tell him how proud she is of him. She checks in on him from time to time to make sure he’s alright and living the fulfilled life she dreamed of him living.

-He constantly thanks her while sobbing on the floor

-You have to drag him away and give him the best cuddle ever

Elizabeth

-Her adoptive mama will be watching over her so proud of the strong girl she became

-When they defeated the supreme deity she was by her side and making sure her daughter was ok

-When you tell her about your powers she is amazed and also upset by the heavy burden you carry

-You eventually tell her that her mum is watching over her proud of all that she accomplished and she begins to cry

-Her mama is the closest thing to a mum she’s ever had and she is just so happy to know that she’s by her side always

-You tell her that her mum loves her and wants her to make sure that her father is well and looked after

-She cries happy tears and does exactly as she says

-As always you give her a firm, supportive cuddle

I am so rusty I had to do so much research for this one because all but Gowther lore has escaped my brain.

While doing my research i found out in 4KOTA it reveals that Dolores is still alive but I simply couldn’t figure out who she would mourn so I stuck to it.

Have an amazing day friends 💙💙💙

[bbina]

hi! i'm curious how u came to a decision on the theme/aesthetic for ur blog? haven't had tumblr since deactivating in 2017, only reason i created one in 2024 is because my mental health is shit and i can no longer stand twt lmfao that app is a warzone (also the fics here are way more fun!) honestly ur blog is the coolest and most organised i've seen with the tags too! (pls tips… i want a cool blog too…)

YOU THINK MY BLOG IS COOL ⁉️⁉️😭😭 im crying best ask i got today 😭😭 tbh i HATE plotting aesthetics for themes even if i spend most of my day on pinterest bc im so bad at it (on mobile) so i try to like think about other app uis that i can like edit or make so it would look nice on mobile (tho i also have a theme for desktop tumblr which is twitter HAHAHAHA) im literally the worst person to ask for themes cus i jus suck so bad. even my main blog sucks and im not proud of it but you gotta have a theme one way or another cus where else are people gonna find your shit 😭

for this theme however the tear off flyer theme, ive been wanting to edit a flyer for funsies (i relieve stress by editing something on photoshop lol) and then i was like.. having tear off flyer on my pinned sounds cool (cus u know,, its “pinned” on your blog like ur “pinning” a flyer) hence the pinned u guys r seeing rn ! tho sometimes if im sick of the theme and i cant think of any i just rely on some gif divider and call it a day HASHAHDHAHHAS

FOR TAGS… i have a horrible history of tagging shit on my 299792 blogs before this one so i made it a deliberate decision to fucking tag EVERYTHING on this blog 💀 (not me running this blog like its the navy) before my username was bbina it used to be littlesuns so everything was littlesun related so #littlemail, etc. but since ive changed to bbina and i associate wonbin heavily with stars, every tag starts with a ★ then whatever category is that shit (am i explaining this well) basically the tags r just like associations of your blog so since im heavily associated with stars, all my tags have stars in them type shit LMFAO so star mail or shit like that idk

i also tag things accordingly cus i like to read through every post ive made for funsies when im bored so tagging them helps a lot 😝‼️ hope this helps u one way or another anon ‼️ im excited to see ur cool blog soon ‼️ welcome back to tumblr ‼️ its still hell after all these years but much more less than whatever the fucks going on in twt (even if im there too like every single waking moment of the day)

[elvenbeard]

Long rambly post about Phantom Liberty incoming cause HHHHH

Gonna put it under a read more just in case, also cause it got long, and bc I know people will still wanna avoid spoilers!

So.

Mr. Hands, amirite??

Holy shit, he is so cool XD Different than what I imagined, but so much better. Pure visuals-wise he's giving the biggest Sheogorath vibes, and a little bit of an older Dragon Age Dorian. I'm so here for it. Also the fucking phonecall he was on with his kid I assume when you first enter his office omfg XD The dad-est dad to ever dad, then a political schemer and so fashionable XD Also, he deserves his nickname 100%, his cyberhands are so cool. Also, the first fixer that offered Vince a drink and Vince actually didn't have to decline cause it was tea (and I bet it was really good, high-end shit, and that's how you get Vince xD). Also his gigs are all so good like... so varied, and always with difficult choices or just super interesting and entertaining storylines. "Waiting for Dodger" has gotta be my favourite one so far, and I'm excited for what's to come still!

Sure as hell this is gonna be a profitable business relationship (and I'm also super duper intrigued about his political interests and what he's planning/ where he's seeing Dogtown's future like... he doesn't like Hansen in power, he's affiliated with the VDBs AND Netwatch, and I'm just so.... I'm smelling political change, and I'm a bit sad that V didn't get some more inquisitive dialogue options about it all (but maybe that would've been too much at that point... ooor maybe with a few more gigs done the picture will get clearer).

Then also a bit more lore and hhhhh... I don't think I'll incorporate this bit into Vince's canon as is, but again, with everything Corpo-background-lore stuff in PL so far, I love the overall super dark and grim picture being painted like, gimme the angst!! Imagine being so dependent on your job/ so brainwashed/ under your bosses' control they can manipulate you into killing a guy just a few years older than you at that point with the promise "that's the last one... for a while, at least. Here's your raise". This also again lines up really well though with what I actually do have in Vince's background during his time at Arasaka, looking at the vibes and pressure and everything in general (even though the first guy he killed was someone else 👀 but similarly, it also gave him a raise, his supervisors' trust, and so so so many mental health problems).

BUT THEN FINALLY PARTY TIME!!

Maaan... the whole setup of sneaking into the Black Sapphire was so amazing to begin with. The diving portion gave me the worst claustrophobia and flashbacks to all the cave diving accident videos I've ever watched xD The portion with the sniper nest was also so cool but I failed epically at it repeatedly xD Did pull it off like a pro on my third attempt though xD I wish you could do it without having to kill anyone and I figure maybe it is possible. Definitely gonna play around some more on my second playthrough that is surely to come!

Then V's disguise I actually dig so hard XD Purple and black and gold super fancy suit, hell yes! And a nicely tailored one, too. Although Reed's outfit was also 👀👀👀 The main game was really missing a "infiltrate this party" like quest, and damn, did PL deliver with this one.

Then of course I had to have a look around and all the special guests made me so fucking happy xD I was crying at Hideshi Hino and Johnny pointing him out, he was one I would not have expected to meet XD Then also all the newsanchors!! Month ago I was like "ah, it makes sense that Gillean Jordan and Ziggy Q and whatnot have character models, but still so sad that they don't actually have a physical appearance in game". Phantom Liberty is the gift that gives on giving in that regard with fulfilling my little silly wishes like that XD And of course they're all horrible and awful, and I love it XD Goooood-Morning-Night-City Stanley raging about disowning his daughter cause she's into exotic implants, Holt conspiring with Arasaka, again, of course... And Lizzy Wizzy not really happy to see Vince cause I didn't help her get rid of Liam xDD

Also fucking damn... Songbird. First of all, her chrome is insane o.o I'm so torn about what to think of the whole situation like... I can definitely see what Reed says, that she's playing both sides, using Kurt to get her (and V's) cure, the other way around playing him by not actually wanting the president dead... But idk. I feel like something doesn't quite add up just yet. And that is: why even bring V in the equation? If this all is *really* just about curing herself and freeing herself from Myers' clutches, as Kurt says later on, why bring in a random merc with a ticking timebomb in his head and not the best track record when it comes to breaking into high security locations to steal things? (sorry Vince). Idk. I'm not buying it just yet, neither is Vince. He doesn't trust Songbird still, neither the president, both are still a means to his ends - although he also doesn't wish anything bad on So Mi as such, like, she is fighting just as hard for her cure as he is for his, so he can definitely relate to her struggles and whatnot. Being degraded to a tool for people to use as they see fit.

Reed gained a little trust and sympathy with coming clean about how the FIA got rid of him, that Songbird had to pull the trigger on him, metaphorically speaking and like... Vince is not sure if Reed wants revenge on Songbird or actually help her, or if maybe he wants revenge on the president and the whole "I'm just serving my country" thing is not just a very good act. He wouldn't be surprised at least if in the end this all does turn into a personal vendetta. Also, on a meta level I really loved Reed being like, despite everything they did to him, he still feels loyal to the FIA and wants to work for them, in a "I know my place" vibe - similarly how a Corpo!V can be like "I know where I come from" towards Hanako at Embers, that the FIA, in the end, is not too different from a Corp that still has Reed captured how Arasaka has Vince captured and he also couldn't guarantee to not go back to them if they offered him a deal good enough. So, on that basis, I feel like they can really understand each other.

Then these two omfg. Cackling at some details in their profiles still XD The whole roulette scene stressed me out so much, but it was also so fun and unique, really something new! Although internally dying when Aurore got all touchy feely all of a sudden and just picturing Vince utterly losing it internally and just wanting out of there, and then surpressing a sigh of relief when she's like "it's not like I wanna hop into bed with him" to her brother after being scolded xD Like hhhhhh playing this game with a gay OC is so fucking uncomfortable sometimes xD If I had one wish for a future Cyberpunk game it would be more male characters shamelessly flirting with the MC like this oooor at least giving everyone, regardless of gender etc etc the option to turn sth like that down to begin with, like... "oh, sorry, think you misunderstood, I wasn't actually flirting with you".

Would've preferred to flirt with him though:

aksdfhljkasjfhöasdjfhadsflas He's so. SO.

A little more than how I imagined him than most of the others I met so far, but he is also pretty out there. He sure as hell is a lot more layered than what you would think at first glance and I really really love that. I played Vince a little snappy and straightforward during this convo with him, cause I wanted to see how he would react, if he'd keep his calm or if he'd be aggressive or whatnot and in hindsight I wish I'd been a bit more friendly XD Also something for my second plathrough when I really make my canon choices, this first run is for testing the waters and getting to know everyone. THEN I can think properly about "how would my character even react here, truly" xD

Overall this was such a fucking good mission like, holy fuck. So much to see, so much to do, so many people to speak to, I feel like I've forgotten half of the intel I learned already - another reason why I'm looking forward to a second run xD

I still cannot even remotely guess how the DLC is gonna end too like, I feel like after every main mission everything I knew is off the table and there's a whole new array of options I hadn't even considered before. I do hope we get a lot lot lot more stuff on Kurt, cause he is being pinned as... not quite the bad guy in all of this, but not someone you should wanna side with. But I just know there is a lot more to all of this. I could kinda see that it does end up being something like "Songbird has to stay with the FIA and as Myers' pet, Kurt gets defeated, but we get our cure" versus "Songbird gets freed with Kurt's help but all hell breaks loose in the NUSA and Reed won't be happy about it". I feel like, whatever happens though, there's gonna be a war in a few years time at the latest, be it another corporate war, something with the NUSA and Myers schemings (that I'm 0% surprised about btw, do not trust her one bit still and that won't change anymore XD) but yeah.

YEAH. Next up: identity theft! I'm really fucking scared of that cause I remember one of the first trailers where V is getting that mask-like thing put on their face - I'm guessing exactly what Alex has, and I'm guessing it's cyberware... That would be such a big NOPE for Vince, holy shit XD I prefer my flesh-face, thank you! If this is not something that's reversible I pass.

We shall see... but yes. Damn. What a fucking good story so far, even with my long breaks inbetween playing, I'm still hooked anew every time I get to continue!

And again: if I'm way off with any of this (which is likely) or even if I'm guessing some stuff correctly that will transpire later on (which would also be awesome, cause then they're doing their foreshadowing right), please don't tell me or give me hints about it XD I would love to know how your Vs felt about the party cause damn... fanciest party Vince was ever at and will probably ever go to, but he wishes he could've stayed and just actually forgot about everything and partied properly XD Been too long since he did that at that point!

[snurgle07]

Say all your psychonauts 2 thoughtS

All of them huh? I think about this game so much, I’d be here all day, but this certainly gives me a good excuse to ramble about some things I love about pn2. :D

- The characters are amazing! 10/10 I care about pretty much all of those freaks. The art style makes them all look so charming in a lopsided weird sort of way, and the game is so empathetic to everyone that even the characters we don’t get much of or who serve a limited purpose still feel well rounded and real.

- Raz is excellent. He’s loads of fun in the first game and continues to be a blast in the second. He’s even more adorable and earnest in the sequel and I love that for him!! He’s definitely one of my favorite characters of all time, I adore him.

- Adoring the characters goes for everyone though. And pn2 has a whole new cast of characters who are all super fun in their own ways. The Psychic 7 especially are super cool. My biggest soft spot is for Lucy, but I love Bob, Ford, and well, the rest of the seven really, a whole lot. Getting to meet the Aquatos is also awesome, and the interns are cool too. Lotsa cool groups of characters to enjoy.

- The story? Awesome. Feels grander than pn1 to be honest, and I like that, but also it’s completely great on its own. It’s got loads of mind shenanigans, drama, great mental health commentary, and manages to balance out all the trauma with enough healing and empathy and even a bit of humor that it all still feels nice and hopeful despite everything. Like yeah there’s a lot of angst material certainly, and as a fan I gotta love that, buuuut sometimes I need a piece of media to punch me in the gut and then give me a warm hug afterward.

- On the note of mental health stuff, I feel it did great. It’s noticeable that they talked to experts and people with personal experience. They were able to convey the mindscapes of certain traumas and mental health issues with more accuracy. The first game was certainly empathetic and kind in regards to that, which was a big deal at the time, buuuut the accuracy was a bit lacking back then. Pn1 shows it’s age a bit in that regard. Pn2 improves on that wonderfully with both kind and more researched explorations into the mind.

-The morals regarding the complexity of the human mind and the messiness of humanity and how we often make mistakes and have more to us under the surface… heroes are often flawed, villains may just be a version of a person we made up in our mind based off of our limited perceptions… aughh good stuff. There are so many good takeaways from psychonauts 2 and I love it!

- Also on a more personal note, I probably owe this game my fascination with psychic powers and psychics in fiction. It’s tangentially what got me into Mob Psycho 100, and has inspired me to make some psychic ocs. The art direction really impacted me and even the way I draw. My style has opened up so much more since practicing drawing such funky looking characters. I genuinely think it has helped me improve a lot and helped me discover more about what kinds of art style I adore and inspired my own. The gameplay too, alongside the art direction, has impacted my aspirations a lot as far as being an artist and hopefully to work in game design— which is to say it’s super inspiring! I think it can inspire people in a myriad of ways, it’s a very unique game like that, and it really reminds me why I love art, storytelling, and games so much. I genuinely feel I owe it a lot for a variety of reasons and I’ve seen many others who play it feel the same. :)

TLDR: Psychonauts 2 my beloved…

Thanks for the ask! I will never not want to talk about psychonauts, this game is sticking in my brain for good.

[attackradish]

Hello my mental health is the worst it’s been all year. If not longer

I could verify this by going through my vent tag but I am not going to because that takes time. This trait of mine is part of the problem but I’m not in a place to fix that right now.

ANYWAYS why am I like this. I have some inklings as to why.

Work is now opening an hour sooner. Meaning I have to wake up earlier and I have been losing sleep as a result. This is not good for the Mental Health

Current drama with a coworker that I am not going to go into that because it’s complicated and rather stupid.

Today was supposed to be my Tax Day where I did my Taxes but I was hit by dread this morning so I didn’t get around to it until like 5PM and then realized I don’t have one of my W2 forms and I can’t go looking around for that because my dad will tell me how stupid I am and how I never care about anything and am doing this on purpose. And I actually can’t care about anything I feel, but it’s not like I’m not trying it’s just that I have no soul.

I cannot give my friends the attention they deserve. I am burnt out I have no energy left for being a friend and yet there are people who miss me. And I can’t be there often enough for them not to miss me. I am neglecting them and I am a terrible person but I need to be alone.

I really do feel that I have reached my full potential. There is simply not enough caring or gumption or whatever it is I’m missing in this body of mine to achieve anything further. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move out or date or even get a job I like better than DQ. I’m done being closeted in my parents house and I’m ready to quit early.

I can’t quit early. Firstoff I have friends who care about me, and I can’t imagine what it’d do to them. I’ve got a baby niece in the house too who smiles when she sees me so I gotta live for her too. And that’s not mentioning how difficult and impractical non-painful methods of dying are. Seriously. Best option I have is locking myself in the walk in freezer with a CO2 canister, but I learned from a cool book I read that high concentrations of CO2 will make you feel like you’re suffocating, and the best gas for that purpose is Nitrogen. Which costs money and is very conspicuous.

I also don’t want to die. I just want the suffering to be over, and death really seems to be the only way out aside from Miracles like universal housing passing within the next year or two, or I attain Godhood and can just do as I please. I think about dying and it makes me want to cry. Being on the verge of tears for long periods of time really does something for my perception of my mental health, being that I haven’t been like this since the family dog died. Maybe crying would do me good.

I should probably get a therapist but I don’t have time or energy for my friends, scheduling these things takes time and effort and I don’t want to have to talk to my parents about it. I should probably get antidepressants. Also my laundry basket from yesterday isn’t even all the way filled up and it’s 9:58. And I have work tomorrow but no uniforms. God I just need to rest.

BUT HERE’S THE THING ABOUT REST. I’VE ALREADY HAD A WEEK OFF OF WORK BECAUSE OF THE FEVER. MY JOB IS UNDERSTAFFED AND I CANT MAKE THEM SUFFER THROUGH THAT AGAIN AT SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

Anyways I have been putting no effort into finding a place since like last year, or finding a therapist. Or really anything. I’m not sure if I can even do that. I have reached my limit. I’m simply not much substance. I’m nice to have around and talk to but quite frankly I don’t have it in me to actually survive on my own. I don’t have it in me to die either. So who knows what is going to happen. I’m going to rot forever. Dying a slow death with nothing but fantasy to dull the edges.

I have a friend who’s offered to let me crash at their place, but I can’t take them up on that offer because I’ll just be the same lifeless rock that I am. Forever. And I can’t do that to them. If I can’t break free on my own then I’m afraid I never will. My chrysalis will just stay gathering dust. Sapping resources. I need to grow wings but I don’t know if I can.

So here I remain. Closeted at my parent’s house. Probably forever. The brain does not engage. I’ve been dead for years but the body still breathes. This is all I am and it is not enough. I’m gonna pretend I live in Star Wars now until I forget the useless thing that I am. I have work tomorrow.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Finish the Feed and Plug the Thing(s?)

It's the thing! You know! The thing! You've seen the thing, haven't you? You're on the internet, you must like things! This one is so rare I don't even post it every day! Ooooh, maybe you should CLICK the thing?

It should be illustrated but I'm slow at that right now and I got bored with not putting up new instalments. It's got text-based steampunk marginalized techno-wizards in it, though! Magic is code and code is magic!

Today there's a new instalment!

I'm lookin for readers! And if you're reading, you gotta tell me, 'cos my hit counter is free and buggy AF. I'll never see you for sure unless you say something!

Current known readers: 3 (hi!), 1st Goalpost: 10?

Current supporters: 1 (hi Kith!), 1st Goalpost: 5?

And under the cut, a sample... er, a sample from a WIP that's only tangentially related because I need to get over the fear of showing it to people gradually or I'll never put it up anywhere. Thanks for volunteering to help me with my mental health! CW: Language, abuse, trauma, two sluts being slutty because that's how they relate to people, etc...

[Soooo... This is what I'm writing right now instead of getting the NDA out of Cyre. I know I shouldn't be, but it's getting to be like samefooding when I'm stressed. Pretty stressed due to new meds that are rewiring my brain in fun new ways, and I keep goin' back to it.

[But, honestly, Satan laid eggs in my brain, this hatched, and it's still hatching. I know I shouldn't mix my original work with toys that don't belong to me, it's tacky and possibly illegal, but so am I. I just wish I could be those things unselfconsciously. Scared to show anyone but the spouse likes it and I wanna encourage him to put himself out there more so... I'M DOIN IT FOR YOOOOOU, BABE!

[But just a contextless sample for now...]

“No, no, I prefer the kitchen. One should always serve one’s friends in the kitchen, it’s just more personable. It’s just, they used to lock me out of mine. Sharp objects, you know.”

Angel stretched across the doorway, two hands on either side. “And, are ya cool with sharp objects now?”

David waggled a hand. He brushed politely past. “Oh, more or less. I’ll give you a dramatic, screaming heads up if I have an urge to stab myself, all right? Or maybe…” He paused and laid a hand on the countertop. “Your bread box is snoring. Also, there is a sticky note on it that says, ‘Do Not Open, Not Bread’?”

“It’s Niff,” Angel said. He pulled David away. “And she sleeps with a cleaver, so… Eh, just keep ya voice down.”

“And don’t open it?”

“Yeah.”

Angel started to put the coffee together. David sat at the kitchen table, wary of opening anything at all.

“Carmine would give you a job makin weapons in a heartbeat,” Angel said, without looking over. “S’long as that metal thing don’t tire ya out like the mind control. But the rent’s free, and the food’s free — when there’s food.”

“Oh. Well, that’s nice to know.”

“There’s usually some jambalaya in the fridge, since Alastor showed up.”

“He cooks?” David touched a hand to his head, blinking. “Good Lord, I think I cook. No, that’s not me. I’m sorry, I did say I had to pick up a lot of my memories second-hand. I swiped most of them off this poor, stupid kid, and I have some of his too. He cooks. It’s all very cheap and easy, but there are a lot of fancy desserts. The boy has a mad passion for fancy desserts, and he can’t afford them if he doesn’t make them himself.”

“How did you leverage your memories out of a stupid kid, if ya don’t mind my askin?”

“Well, I can’t read minds, but he can, and I happened to be living rent free in his head at the time. Coincidentally, he knew someone who knew me quite well, and he read her mind, and then I used him to read her some more…” David shook his head. “It’s weird here, but it’s not un-weird where I come from. You have no idea.” He chuckled. “Things are weird all over, to the best of my recollection. Fancy a midnight tiramisu, Mr. Dust?”

“Maybe. If ya can do me a cannoli, I’m interested…”

“Is that what they’re calling it in Italy? ‘A little midnight cannoli,’ yes. Well, perhaps not little…”

“Pretty sure I was in that film already, and if I wasn’t, I’m stealing that title. That’s porno gold.”

David rested his chin on clasped hands. “I do love movies. Are any of yours playing?”

“Lots, I got some on my phone, but before we get into that, someone better tell you: your new best friend ain’t interested in either kinda cannoli. I haven’t seen that guy get anywhere near sex or sugar, barring that muffin, so that means you haven’t either.”

David scoffed. “When we are very manly, masculine and secure, one needs must flee, screaming, from muffins and cock. What else is a real man to do?”

Angel set two coffee mugs on the table with a clunk, and leaned over David. “Any kinda sex.”

“Oooooh.” David snickered. He added a large dollop of Irish cream to each mug, then perched on his chair like an eager girl at a slumber party. “Repressed or queer?” He laughed. “Or both?”

“How is no-sex-at-all queer?”

“Well, it annoys the hets and challenges their antiquated social institutions.”

“Aw, Christ.” Angel thudded two sets of elbows on the table and put his head in one set of hands. “Don’t tell him, alright? Please don’t tell him. If I run into that guy at a leather bar, he’ll put me off sex for life… He’ll fuckin convert me!”

“Maybe you’ll convert him?”

“That’s even worse!” Angel laughed. “Oh, God, I might’ve, a couple months ago, but we been through some shit. It’s too weird. It got real weird.”

“Anything I should know?”

The spider sighed. “Probably.” He paused with a hand on his chest fluff. “I’m not a hundred-percent sure he knows. He don’t watch TV.” He shook his head and drew out his phone. “But he probably knows. At least some of it.” He offered David a single earbud.

“Is it an upper or a downer?”

“Jesus.” Angel stood and wandered behind David’s chair. “It’s so we don’t wake Niff. Ya got ears? Ya got ears goin on in there?”

David patted his own head, and flaming hairstyle, with a hand. “I must have something…” He accepted the earbud and eventually found some kind of structure that would allow it. “Ooh, I like that! It’s catchy! Is that you?”

“Fuck,” Angel fumbled his phone and closed out an app.

“Aww.”

“It’s just a demo.” He looked aside. “It’s some shit I made up when I was dissociatin. I imagined a whole dance number, but I dunno... I sounded sexier in my head.”

“You sounded sexy enough in mine.”

Angel looked up, with a brief smile. “You’re cute, Dave.”

David winced. “Sorry. My dear little namesake uses that. I don’t, but…” He sighed and shrugged. “Oh, well. He’s not here. I don’t mind it from you.” He smiled. “And there’s something about the other name you don’t like, so forget it. ‘Dave Valentine’ it is!” The smile faded. “No?”

Angel looked pained. “It’s not that, it’s… We’re havin some trouble with Vees. Ya might wanna lose the other half of that. It might getcha in trouble. And ya don’t wanna get in trouble with that guy… those guys.”

“Oh, I don’t mind changing up the last name at all,” David said. “I often do! It’s not as if I have a family I care about. I’m just awfully fond of twee little heart motifs and… and… uh… butterflies?”

Angel was clutching his phone so hard his hand was shaking. That last word even warranted a shudder.

David got up and backed away until his hip hit the counter. He leaned against it and peered into his coffee cup. He spoke softly, “Is your Mr. Vee who may or may not be fond of hearts or butterflies a work friend or a friend-friend?”

“Neither.” Angel turned away. “Work.”

“Ah.” David nodded. He toyed with the rim of his cup. “Might someone help you fill out a letter of resignation?”

Angel shook his head.

“Oh, well. If that’s how it is, that’s just how it is.” David crept a little closer and put an experimental hand near him, just on the table. When there was no objection, he smiled and left it there. “If you ever need anyone to spot you some extra concealer…” He trailed away. “Though I doubt I have your shade.” He poked at the back of his own orange hand. “Or mine, come to think of it.”

Angel looked up. He covered David’s hand with one of his own. “That mind-control thing, does that work on everyone?”

David looked pained. “I… I don’t know how it works here. I’ve met people it doesn’t work on at all, and some of them shake it off. I think… I think I’ve done some experimenting. There are other places, other parts of me that know more about it, I might go back and remember… But I don’t know if any of that applies here. I can’t guarantee it. And… That wouldn’t be safe for you, would it?”

The spider sighed. He turned away again.

The bird offered a faint smile. “I might tell him to kill himself, if Charlie lets me. If it landed, would that fix it?” He put up a hand. “If it didn’t, you could always tell him I’m an insane ass and let him take it out on me. I can’t be killed, and I have excellent pain tolerance, especially when…”

Now Angel put up a hand, and David quieted.

“She won’t let you,” the spider said. “Not like that. She thinks everyone can be better.”

“Oh, she is adorable. But we know better, don’t we?”

Angel put a casual elbow on the table and his head in his hand. He regarded David out of the corner of one eye. “You still usin extra concealer on a regular basis? Wherever the resta you is?”

“Oh, no, I prefer to damage myself now.” David smiled. “I’m freelancing!”

“Like how you don’t like sticky drinks and hate fun?”

“He’s dead,” David said flatly. He smiled again, a perfectly hideous smile. “I killed him, of course.”

Angel sat up, more shocked than surprised. “What? You? How?”

“What?” David shooed him away. “Oh, it was ages ago. A gun or something. It’s not important. I’ve quite forgotten.”

Angel frowned. He nodded. “Uh-huh. Yeah. I shot Val a whole buncha times too.” He picked up his phone. “So, the thing is…”

David pushed the phone back down to the table, scowling. “The thing is, that thing was supposed to be my father. On paper, at least. So I couldn’t do it right away. Not if I wanted to get away with it. A person has to be practical. I am a very practical person.”

[Yeah, I started writing that part just to see if it was worthwhile and I actually got David to cough up one of his three backstories, all of which are embellished to the point of absurdity but partly true. I've been meaning to write those out forever and this tricked my brain into doing it. I had to put him on equal footing with another traumatized person and pour Irish coffee on him in a corporeal form that gets drunk for real, but I got it out of him! So I went back to write the beginning and now it's *checks* 69 pages long. Oh. Nice!

[It's gotta go up somewhere because I can't help but say it's canon for David, but maybe he just did a shitton of god drugs and passed out in front of Amazon Prime, ya know? That's probably it.]