#it was mainly cuz i liked angst and it was the best i could come up with

[d4rk-x-w0lf-17]

Hi! I've read your ectoham bad end!au and I found it kinda interesting. Would you mind if I shared with you a small contribution to this au, if you are interested?

Basically, it would delve into the consequences Dan's tinkering with the timeline and Randy's abuse at Dan's hands has had on Danny and Randy psyche.

Like, let's imagine that Danny manages to fix things and restore the original timeline, preventing Dan from existing, and that randy is restored to his fourteen years old self, instead of being eighteen or twenty two years old. Unfortunately, Randy's memories with Dan in that alternative future didn't get erased with the rest of the timeline, and he has veritable memories of four or more years being Dan's pet and boy toy, with everything that entailed: the abuse, the torture, the possible sexual assault.....

And that breaks him. Randy, the fluffy ball of sunshine and rainbows ends up absolutely traumatized of everything he went through as Dan's prisoner, and, as you said, developed Stockholm syndrome and codependency to his captor, something that doesn't disappear when the original Danny rescues him and makes everything return to its original state.

At first, Randy tried to shrug it off with his typical antics, but that doesn't last that much and he finds increasingly difficult to bring himself to pretend. What's worse, his time with Dan has made Randy have mixed feelings towards Danny. He still loves the ghost boy with all his heart, but now these feelings are mixed with the dread he harbored towards Dan, which makes Randy fall into old behavioral patterns when he's around Danny.

Because, although Dan was cruel, he could also act all lovingly and caring when he wanted, specially when Randy pledged to his wishes, which meant that Dan would give Randy treats when he was a "good boy" and behaved accordingly. After all, victims of abuse that have a toxic relationship abusers often feel that, when their abuser punishes them, it's somehow the victim's fault. So now Randy, everytime he's near Danny, acts in a similar manner when around Dan, which means that Randy tried to be as complacent and less obtrusive as possible, which translated to his boisterous and cheeky nature being mostly snuffed out.

However, Danny soon picks up the signals that something isn't quite right around Randy, mainly because, despite Danny not being the most empathetic person (that's Randy's forte, since he's far more extroverted) his time with Randy has made him become more aware of how people truly feels, so it doesn't take a long time for Danny to notice that randy doesn't look at him in the eyes any more, or that he shivers and gets stiff every time Danny holds his hand, and, of course, randy doesn't crack nearly as many jokes as he used to.

Danny eventually confronts randy about the issue, fearing that Randy doesn't love him anymore, because Danny didn't quite realize the full damage of Dan's actions and only assumed that randy would only be freaked out by his evil alter ego being big and scary. The issue is, Randy still loves Danny, but everytime he sees Danny, he also sees Dan, and the trauma inflicted by Danny and Vlad's fusion makes Randy increasingly difficult to dissociate one from the other, which translates to a mix of fear, revulsion, adoration and dependency.

Upon finding out how much Randy was hurt by Dan, to say Danny gets absolutely furious would be an understatement, but this time, instead of ruminating on his own feelings, he does his best to be the anchor Randy was always to him, because randy was always a source of support for Danny, and Danny wants to reciprocate, so Danny tries to be as supportive and patient as possible.

However, Danny also has his own problems, the discovery of the full extent of Dan's abuse towards Randy takes its toll on Danny psyche, since although Danny had always had an ambivalent relationship with his ghost powers, finding out what randy went through causes a spurt of bitter self-loathing to rise within Danny, which makes him to blame himself for Randy's actual condition. After all, Danny can't be sure that the abuse inflicted by Dan was all Vlad's half, otherwise, his own half would have refrained itself from hurting Randy so much, which makes him question wether he's a good person at all.

Also, he feels that he's losing randy with each passing day, as they are becoming increasingly distant, and although Danny starts to ponder wether he should break up with Randy, so that the distance will heal Randy's emotional scars with Danny being out of the picture, the feelings he harbors towards the purple haired boy, and the void he feels everytime he tries to imagine his life without Randy, whom he loves so very fucking much, makes Danny cry himself to sleep in his bed every night.

At the end, they remain together, and they manage to support each other, but the process of recovery is incredibly difficult, and it involves many, many sessions of therapy with jazz, which almost always end up with both of them hugging each other and crying their eyes out.

So, what do you think? Would it serve for a fanfic or what?

THE FACT THAT YOU MANAGED TO SUMMARIZE MY EXACT THOUGHTS OF THE DYNAMICS DESPITE MY BRAIN BEING DOO DOO AND REFUSING TO GET THE PROPER WORDS OUT IS INCREDIBLE

i've been trying to continue working on the AU, but i was just so consumed by different fandoms and my eventual job that it was difficult to make time for it

if i ever decide to abandon the AU, i'm more than happy to give to someone who knew what my brain was thinking at the time

[genshin-obsessed]

Breaking Up hcs | Genshin & HSR

Have I done this before? I know I made that "what if we broke up?" post but I don't think I've done break up hcs before? I hope not anyway cuz i'm doing them now! Also, maybe I went overboard a little cuz even I felt bad lol and I usually don't feel sad when I write angst.

Characters: Aether, Diluc, Wanderer, Caelus, Jing Yuan, and Aventurine (lol I'ma try)

☽ Aether

That break up took a toll on him, more so than even he thought at first. Sleeping became his least favorite activity because he was constantly seeing your faces in his dreams. Constantly.

The entirety of Teyvat fell apart for the short time their favorite errand boy refused to do anything for them. Honestly, Aether didn't do anything for the first week or so. He was barely eating, barely sleeping, barely alive.

It was hard adventuring too, Paimon no longer wanted him to go because sometimes he'd just get distracted and take unnecessary hits. It was kinda bad. Eventually, she got Katheryne to no longer give him any combat requests because he just wasn't doing good enough.

All he wanted to do was talk to you, but you didn't want to talk to him, so that led him to just remaining in his teapot alone. He didn't even allow visitors for a short while. Paimon did her best to try and comfort him, but there were so few words that could actually get through that sorrow he was dealing with.

It took maybe a month before he allowed people to come visit him and under no circumstances were they allowed to bring you up. Mainly because he'd cry. Everyone did try in their own way to help him, even people like Wanderer or Arlecchino tried to give him some "words of wisdom". It... didn't work mainly because Aether wasn't receptive to it anymore.

☽ Diluc

He really did busy himself with work like he said he would. It's almost all hours of the day. He's rarely even seen at home anymore.

Ironically, Diluc is still very careful about getting hurt because if he did, then he'd need to remain at home and be on bed rest and he genuinely couldn't handle that.

He no longer sleeps in his bed either. Usually, he comes home later, collapses on the couch for a few hours until some dream about you wakes him up and he's back to work. He can't stand sleeping in that bed because you used to lay right beside him.

No one, I mean no one, is allowed to even say your name. Truth be told, Diluc is barely hanging on by a thread, someone saying your name and bringing your image to his mind's eye would ruin him.

Even Kaeya doesn't tease him. Actually, Kaeya keeps away because Diluc is quite irritable and not many people wanted to deal with that. While they understood the break up upset him... it was just too much.

☽ Wanderer

Oh boy. Breaking up with him was hard because he was angry and yelling (at the situation apparently), and just saying no. Eventually though, he relented and agreed. You didn't want to be with him and... well, it wasn't right to force you.

The aftermath was pretty bad. He was angry, didn't want to talk to anyone, and just up and vanished for a while. It wasn't until Aether and Paimon accidentally stumbled upon him while adventuring that they learned a little about what happened.

(W/n) explained that he never thought he'd lose you. Out of all the people he was "friendly" with, he never thought you would up and leave the way you did. It broke his heart- a heart he didn't even know started beating again.

Aether offered for (w/n) to join him on some adventures to just take his mind off of things and he, surprisingly, agreed. But it wasn't the same. Both Paimon and Aether noticed the lack of energy.

He was also constantly in his own mind. Most conversations happened between Aether and Paimon because (w/n) would just mentally check out and not even be paying attention. He didn't break down and cry physically but emotionally, he was a wreck. But it was so bad, he didn't know what to do. Cry, scream, try and take over the world, he didn't know.

What he did know was that the world didn't feel right without you.

☆ Caelus

You lived on the Astral Express with him and the others. Everyone thought you were the cutest couple and everywhere you went, you two received the same compliments. So, he definitely fell apart a little when you just up and ended the relationship.

The worst part was that he couldn't have time away from you. Not in the mean sense, but if you two were breaking up, he needed (for his own mental health) not to see you every single day. But... that wasn't possible.

It was extremely awkward for everyone on board. Welt and Himeko tried their best to keep things normal, the conductor did their best to keep conversations going, and Dan Heng just didn't bother coming out of his room. Caelus took a page from Dan Heng's books and just locked himself away for like two weeks.

When it was finally time for him to come out, he took time off of the express, choosing to go visit some old friends to regain some of that normalcy. Jarilo VI was where he spent most of his time as he hadn't been there in a while. He stayed there without the others for maybe two or so weeks, finding ample time to spend with Natasha, Seele, Bronya, Serval, and Gepard.

While he didn't openly state you two broke up, everyone knew. He did go and visit the Xianzhou which Dan Heng did join him in doing which was a good bonding experience for the two. It was when he finally opened up about losing you. According to Caelus, everything felt so wrong. Like a part of him was missing and that part was so close to his reach. But every single day, he had to pretend like it wasn't.

☆ Jing Yuan

He really didn't know what to do at the moment. He kinda stopped paying attention after you said you wanted to end the relationship. He tried to convince you otherwise, saying that breaking up wouldn't give him the chance to fix it but you were pretty adamant. He couldn't just say no... so he said ok and you were gone.

He tried to act normal. He did his job normally for the first day and that's when it all started to fall apart. The second he had time alone, it just hit him so painfully. You thought him losing his old friends was painful? This was a whole new level.

The second day, he couldn't really perform his duties as well and just handed them off to the first person he saw. Yanqing was most worried and desperately tried to get anyone's help because he didn't know what to do. It led him straight to the Astral Express and unsurprisingly, no one knew what to do.

Jing Yuan didn't even want help, honestly. He'd been hurting for years carrying the memories he did, so what was one more painful one? Maybe it was some sort of divine justice? Jing Yuan wasn't the most upstanding man, right? So he probably deserved this. What right did he have to just go and fix it?

Caelus did end up finding him out and about once, having the chance to share tea with Jing Yuan. The general explained he didn't know how to fix anything anymore. While it wasn't healthy to live life this way, it was his punishment probably. Caelus' concern led him to ask that burning question: why?

"I should've done better. Treated them better... maybe then... I'd still have them."

☆ Aventurine

He almost didn't register the words that came out of your mouth. You... break up with him? You were talking, explaining why, but he couldn't really follow. It's like his brain just stopped working and all he could think was 'this wasn't supposed to happen'.

At the end of it, you were gone and he was alone. Aventurine expected betrayal in his line of work, but he never expected it from you. Your "deal" with him was special. It wasn't like his normal deals. It was one that you two emerged equally victorious and no one lost anything. Right?

Even Ratio had pity for him. Aventurine waltzed around as if nothing happened but there was such a dramatic shift in his personality. He said the same things he always did, he acted as if he always did, but there was a distinct bitterness when he spoke of being let down.

When he told people to make use of him, there was a hint of resentment laced in his words. While he claimed he expected to be exploited at some point, there was still a twinge of fear. It never hurt before but for some reason, it scared him now.

He did briefly open up to Ratio, who was just berating him as usual, and it even took him by surprise. Aventurine didn't say much, but he did say how he figured everyone in the world to want to set him on fire for one reason or another. He just didn't expect it would be you to light the flame. Veritas called him an idiot and said you had every right to leave, which Aventurine wholeheartedly agreed with.

You did have every right to leave. You just didn't have the right to take whatever made him feel normal.

[potteraep]

-me, a father?

-yuta okkotsu x afab!reader

-little thoughts of how yuta would be as a dad :>

-characters aged up to 22! mainly fluff, little tingle of angst, mentions of pregnancy, and birth ( only reason I put afab cuz of pregnancy and stuff sorry 😅)

-WHEN YUTA FOUND OUT YOU WERE PREGANT HE ALMOST FELL TO HIS KNEES. and not even to be dramatic.

The second the words left your mouth it’s like every word left his, his words and thoughts left him

a few awkward seconds made you worry with regret and sadness, not knowing how he felt you shifted your head ready to turn and apologize before you hear a soft sob escape his mouth

you looked back worried to see tears streaming down his face and a bright smile on his features, he ran to you cradling you softly before he pulled away and kissed you still worried but happy

“me, a father?”

-those whole nine months were the best and worst months of his life all he felt was worry and affection to you and his child growing in you

Most nights he’d fall asleep with you in his arms, his injured hands from battles seeming so light on your skin rubbing your stomach softly and kissing your head

of course there were ups and downs of the longs and Tiring months when your tiredness took you over and yelled at him he understood and apologized never wanting to fight with you, even tho he looked like a sad puppy sulking the rest of the day.

he never stopped talking about you and your growing son to his friends and teacher, they were all excited and happy seeing how his eyes seemed more happy and his eye bags seemed less appearent

Gojo was a little to excited at the news and half the stuff at the child’s future nursery was bought by him as a gift and a show of support

maki and toge were super happy for him and toge was excited to meet the baby when they were born ( so was maki but she tried to hide it)

when you went into labor this boy was so nervous biting his nails and shaking in the hospital hallway not aloud inside even tho you wanted him to be it was hospital rule that he despised wanting to unleash rika on whoever made that dumb rule

he paced around the hall while Gojo came to the hospital to support both of you even his unserious demeanor had sat down seriously to reassure yuta that’d you and your son would come out of the room perfectly fine

when a nurse came out to tell them they could see you he rushed past her with a thank you and opened the door slowly Gojo trailing behind him

when he walked in he almost wanted to cry right there and then, the sight of you laying upward and his newborn song in your arms so peacefully made his heart strings tug at him tightly he walked over and smiled at you kissing your forehead before he looked at his son up close

it was his son alright, I mean he never had any doubts but seeing the baby looking back up at him made him realize the reality of everything

Gojo tapped his shoulder trying to pull him out of his daze as he blinked looking back at you, he paused seeing you raise the baby into his arms

He felt such adoration seeing his son peacefully laying in his arms his dark blue eyes fluttering open, a perfect reflection of his fathers.

he felt his eyes well up with tears at the sight. A wobbly smile on his lips as he bit back sobs as his son wrapped his tiny finger around his ring finger

That moment he swore to never let anything happen to you or your son

Raising your son wasn’t the easiest thing he’s done sure, but he enjoyed it so much. He already had a bit of experience having a little sister of his own.

Some nights you’d wake up to find him reading a little picture book to his while he listening not even comprehending what his father was saying.

he’d also get so emotional knowing his baby wouldn’t be little forever

when your son started to walk and talk

he’d joke around with him giving him piggyback rides and playing games outside teaching him many different skills

Sometimes when he’d fall asleep his son would prank him drawing on his face and showing you as you both laughed at his peaceful sleeping form

Your son also loved his uncles and aunts he would have a notebook to talk to toge because he found it difficult to under stand how he spoke at it melted inumakis heart

Makis serious demeanor faded a bit as the kid ran around her saying tag while expecting her to chase him ( she did)

panda would become a personal stuffed animal and let the kid lay on him and run around with him as if he was a horse

Yuuji nobara and megumi even met and adored the kid

yuuji being the sweetest and bringing him chocolate for them to share in secret

Nobara would play arts and crafts making origami animals for the child to play with

megumi would offer to babysit because “ knew it was hard to take care of a baby” bud deep down he just wanted to see the child

gojo was the worst of them being shameless about buying your son snacks and expensive toys no 4 year old should have and would giggle while you scolded him that you didn’t want your child being a spoiled brat even tho he was the sweetest and most grateful kid ever

Sometimes all of them would come over just to shower the boy with attention and love as if he didn’t get it everyday from his parents

(Megumi would summon his demon dogs and let him play with him when they went outside)

the boy of course grew up very kind and timid a lot like yuta did often hiding behind his leg when introduced to new people and crying when he scraped his knee playing outside

still even with his shy demeanor he tried his best to make friends at parks before he started school and nervously would play with trains with other kids

He’d talk to you and yuta about his day and sometimes cry to you about how some kids picked on him for his toys being super expensive ( of course due to gojo) and that they said he was probably a spoiled brat

you and yuta always listened no matter when and what trying to reassure him and cheer him up sometimes you even caved and baked him sweets sometimes while yuta played with him in the living room lifting him in the air on his shoulders running around like a rocket ship while his son giggled

but no matter what yuta okkotsu is the best (husband) and father in the world.

-reblogs appreciated! and feel free to leave whatever feed back so I can improve or just how you felt about this fic ! :>

[amymbona]

if you need challengers ideas I have A LOT but rn my mind is clouded with some angsty Patrick stuff?

like it could be enemies to lover or fwb but then you get distant cuz you feel like you're falling in love and then patrick just do anything in his power to not lose you, truly anything as long as we get an ANGRY LOVE CONFESSION FROM HIM PLS <333

Honestlyyy this took me like a week to write this and I don't really like it. I feel like this topic could make up for a whole fanfic, not just a one shot. But I hope you'll like it :)

Warnings: angst, cursing,

Word count: 3,2 K

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You and Patrick were never that close. Mostly, you were Tashi's best friend and he was Art's best friend. There were some shots and awkward hugs shared when Patrick would come to visit his girlfriend and best friend at Stanford, being introduced to one another. At first, you weren't particularly fond of his habits - mainly smoking - and the foul language. But soon, you came to understand his special bond with Art (who you've managed to grow pretty close to as a result of him always hanging out with you and Tashi) and learned to respect him as your best friend's boyfriend. All in all, he turned out to be a pretty chill guy.

Eventually, you'd got to discover what kind of a person Patrick Zweig is. Overly confident and sure of his actions but rolling eyes with offense the second someone questions his choices. Loud, a bit more touchy for your liking and definitely a bit too comfortable sharing his sexual fantasies, but above all, a person driven entirely in the direction where his heart beats.

Initially, Patrick was the person to light the first cigarette between your lips and convince you to have pity for Art's puppy eyes and show him your tits. He had played the role of a perfect matchmaker, for god knows however reason. You two would exchange phone numbers and wish each other merry Christmas a happy birthday. He became your friend. 

After the complete disaster following Tashi's knee injury, the two of you ended up kicked away like two stray dogs, portrayed as the biggest pieces of shit. Patrick, you could understand. Because some time after that, you came to discover he only set you up with Art because he knew that his best friend was after his girlfriend. But in the end, the only person who had the right to yell at him for being such an asshole was you. Not Tashi, nor Art. And you, for reasons still unexplained (perhaps for not abandoning your friendship with Patrick) were tilted a traitor by your former best friend. This was the very end of your four way friendship. 

Fast forward, college was over. You went your way, pursuing your career. Patrick's number remained in your phone and, again, you'd only text each other for important anniversaries. However, all of that changed when he called you one random evening, evidently with too much alcohol running through his veins.

"I miss you." he hiccuped, the distinct chatter on his side of the line making it harder for you to hear what he was saying. 

"Patrick." you sighed, knowing damn well he's simply drunk and thought he must have dialed a wrong number. 

But the ever so persistent individual, he kept talking. "I think about you a lot, y'know, from time to time."

"You're drunk, Patrick." another sigh escaped your pursed lips, gaze focused on applying another coat of red polish to your toenail. "Where are you?" 

"Where the fuck would I be, Y/N? 'm getting wasted." Patrick's words were followed by a fit of laughter, not sure if his own or anyone else's. "Trynna forget about everyone. Not you, though." 

"Not me?"

"Just those two fuckers."

Of course. Ever since the painful split, Patrick had his own way of dealing with things, and that would mainly include getting totally wasted and babbling crap about being so deeply betrayed as if he was Jesus on the cross. 

That night, Patrick ended up at your place, upon you picking him up from the place which was, coincidentally, not too far from your current home. To put it simply, the two of you ended up in the world's messiest and smelliest make out session, Patrick's alcohol breath enveloping you from all directions. It was a vague attempt to get him out of the skinny pair of his jeans that he mistook for you wanting to suck his dick. Almost teary eyed, he begged you to let him fuck you, that it would make everything better for both of you. That it would have been a perfect revenge on Tashi and Art for breaking both of your hearts, even though they would had no way of discovering it. 

To this day, the revenge mindset continues corrupting both of your minds, or perhaps, it just gives you an excuse to keep fucking with each other. Patrick Zweig is a frequent visitor at your apartment, occupying your bed and drinking from your favourite tea cups while spitting some lines along "That nightie looks fucking sexy, but you should take it off," or "I could bend you over that counter." 

Your encounters basically spin around Patrick tearing off whatever you're wearing and covering your whole body with kisses. He whispers surprisingly sweet nothings into your ear while his hands rediscover the curves of your body. He eats you out like there's no tomorrow, making love to your pussy with his mouth. His tongue reaches places, drinking in your sweet nectar and making your back arch and hips grind against his face. He relishes the feeling of your thighs squeezing his head until he's certain his skills might burst soon, and that is all worth it. For Patrick, everything is worth it, if, by the end of it, he gets you to cum all over his face.

"Pat I- 'm close." your voice gets broken mid sentence, hips buckling up to meet Patrick's mouth. 

"Good, baby, good," he coddles, words muffled against your warm skin, tongue circling around your clit as his pointer and middle finger keep pumping in and out. "Just let go honey." 

And you do, moaning his name, hands tightening where they are tangled in his hair. Both of you are on cloud nine - your, from the heavenly orgasm and Patrick, from the sweet delight in your strained voice.

He remains in the bed next to you for a while, holding you and stroking your hair, while the conversation slowly dies. But the moment Patrick attempts to settle under the sheets, you kick him off, insisting on having to get up early in the morning. 

"I don't get it, Y/N," Patrick huffs as he buttons up his pants, eyes roaming up and down over your bare figure while you reach for your nightie. "I make you cum so loud you might wake up the whole street and now you're kicking me out." 

"I'm not kicking you out Patrick." you mumble, sliding into your slippers. 

But Patrick doesn't buy your bullshit. "You are. And it's not the first time you're doing it." 

He seems to see right through you, to know that you're perfectly capable of getting up early and performing your whole morning routine with him occupying your bed. No. There is more to that, much more that you're not telling him. And he wants so bad to have you tell him the truth. 

"You could just let me stay here, y'know. I'm not a thief or something." Patrick continues, a half ironic smile on his face as he moves closer towards you. His hands find place on your hips and he pulls your back into his chest. "You're not afraid of me, are you?" 

Afraid? That is the lightest way to put it. Actually, you are beyond terrified, completely spooked by the idea of opening up to someone who used to be your best friend's boyfriend. To someone who's dick you're taking into your mouth multiple nights per week. And that is exactly where it has to end, that is where you have to set a clear boundary for Patrick to cross.

"Where was I ever afraid of you, Patrick?" you scoff, turning around in Patrick's arms. It almost breaks your heart when you are met with an unusually soft smile on his face, knowing damn well Patrick is interpreting this in a completely different way. 

It's not that you don't want to love Patrick, no, quite the opposite. But you know the two of you wouldn't be able to last. Despite allowing to discover each other's gentle side and showing one another unusual forms of comfort that both of you clearly needed, you two are still so incredibly different.

Patrick Zweig is the epitome of chaos. While he's all heart, he has little to no sense of understanding in some situations that are important to you. In stark contrast to your gentle life, Patrick is reckless and hazards in various ways. Perhaps it fills his need for adrenaline, for being seen by large groups of people and adored for that big bad wolf persona he's built up during his years of tennis. 

You, on the other hand, strive for a more gentle life. After all that you've experienced at your young age, you already feel burnt out, and can't really imagine the idea of shaking your ass at bars and clubs to loud music and getting wasted. What you need is comfort and someone who's on the same emotional level with you. And while Patrick can provide what you need, from time to time, you're afraid it won't be able to last. Hence the cold shoulder. 

"Then why are you pushing me away constantly?" he presses, a small pout on his lips. His gaze drops to your own, desiring to taste you once again. "Can I kiss you?" 

It pains you to refuse him. "Just go." 

Over the next few days, Patrick sends you various messages, even attempts to call you. Your phone keeps beeping and vibrating, but you keep ignoring every single attempt of his, reminding yourself that it's for the better. Patrick will be alright, you're sure of it, he always is. He'll find a new girl - in a pub, on Tinder, anywhere - who he'll fall into and he'll reciprocate his feelings. 

It comes off as a surprise when you bump into him one day in the grocery store, thinking he might be out of the city. After all, he rarely stays there, usually just coming to visit you specifically, staying for the night and then being gone for a few days. 

"Y/N." a small smile tugs onto Patrick's lips as he sees you, eyes roaming over your form and groceries filled arms. "Need some help?" 

"No, no, I'm good." with a shake of your head, you reject his advances and move forward, shoulder mildly bumping into his. Better to keep it simple. 

"What the hell's your deal?" Patrick retorts, immediately moving after you. His voice rises, earning a glance from some people in the aisle, but that doesn't concern him.

You just shrug, an expression of indifference on your face. "Nothing." 

A hand on your arm stops you and you're pulled back against Patrick. He manages to keep himself casual, the touch moving onto your lower back, so as not to draw any suspicion and he even swiftly catches a packaging of toast bread that slips from your hold. "Don't bullshit me, Y/N. You've been ignoring me for like two weeks. That's not like you." 

"I'm not ignoring you." your eyes roll and you snatch the toast bread from his hands. 

"You are, Y/N." he presses, gaze roaming all over your gruff expression. "Can't you just tell me what's wrong?" 

"Nothing's wrong Patrick, my god, just mind your own business." 

You leave him in there, standing in the middle of the aisle, surrounded by strangers and his own miserable thoughts. Poor Patrick is clueless, unable to understand what the hell he has done to you for you to suddenly cross his name out like that.

The calls and messages get even worse, he's sending you one almost every minute there is a phone in his hands, eager for every form of contact. 

Patrick: Y/N

Patrick: c'mon... 

Patrick: don't ignore me bby

Patrick: i miss u

Patrick: ur my only girl

Patrick: ... 

Patrick: i love you

He's an idiot. Probably drunk, you think when you reread the message for the hundredth time during one particular evening, eyes welling in your eyes the longer you stare at it. He surely can't mean it. 

Patrick: fuck

Patrick: ignore that

Patrick: can i call u? 

Patrick: text me pls

Patrick: i wanna see u

Patrick: :(

He's really getting desperate, considering just breaking the door to your apartment and pushing you against the nearest surface, forcing you to listen to whatever he has to tell you. And he actually went to your place, to the apartment you live in, but never went further than standing by the door. Oh, how he wanted to knock each time he was there. How much he wanted to see your face and hear your voice. 

But you never respond, never react, trying to convince yourself you're doing what's best for you both. Perhaps you are naive, a bit too much, and in reality, your treatment only results in hurting both of you. 

And Patrick can't fucking bear it anymore, so he actually musters up all his remaining courage and travels to your place once again. Marching up with determined footsteps, he approaches your apartment and knocks and knocks and knocks on the door until you eventually open it, half asleep.

"Patrick?" 

"Y/N." 

Your swift attempt to close the door ends in vain as Patrick basically pushes himself into your apartment, refusing to be shut down once again. 

"We need to talk." 

"Piss off." you respond with a mumble, voice coming out more hostile than you actually planned. With a shudder, you abandon him, not feeling like facing him at the moment. Because whatever is about to happen, it's bound to end up as a tragedy. 

"Don't you dare talk to me like that." Patrick hisses in an aggrieved manner, following you to the living room. "You owe me at least an explanation." 

You know you do. But you can't bring yourself to give him any. "I don't owe you anything, Patrick." 

"You know damn well that you do. At least look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you." he's genuinely getting pissed off by your attitude. You always used to be so adamant on honesty, believing everyone deserves some form of a gentle treatment, and mainly to be told the truth. In your own words, people don't deserve to just be shut off. But here you are, doing the exact same thing you stand against. 

When you refuse to listen to him, Patrick gets fed up. His hands grab your arms tightly - for the first time not attempting to be cautious or gentle - and just yanks you towards himself. Finally, his eyes meet yours, fully, both of you wearing equally tired expressions. It's no secret this has been tough for both of you. 

"Can you listen to me for once?" he speaks softly, a glimpse of hope, accompanied by a light squeeze of your arms to keep your attention on himself. 

"This is stupid, Patrick." you retort, eyes rolling in an attempt to ignore the sudden closeness of his presence. "Just stop. Go home or go fuck someone. Just go and be happy." 

Patrick's expression drops upon hearing your words, mentally attempting to put one and one together to fully understand what you're attempting to convey. "Why are you pushing me away?" 

His hold on your arms eases, allowing you to slip them out of his hold and step away. Almost on instinct, your palms come up to rub those two spots, not that they're sore or hurt, but you wish to wipe his touch away. "Cause it's better for both of us." 

Finally, you admit to it, wanting to, slowly but surely, erase Patrick from your presence, from your life perhaps, as you've convinced yourself it shall ease the worries of both of you. 

"What the fuck?" he scoffs, stepping closer once again. "How would that be better?" 

"Because we can't continue with this, for fuck's sake. Patrick, we can't just fuck because we feel like it and-" 

"Why not?" 

"What?" 

"Why can't we just fuck?" Patrick insists, approaching you fully. He corners you against the windowsill and rests his hands on it, caging you in. 

You stare him in the eyes, lips parting as you search for an answer. Why couldn't the two of you just fuck? You're both single, no responsibilities and no people to remain loyal to. And you both enjoy the frequency of your encounters, knowing each other's bodies like the backs of your own hands, knowing exactly what the other person loves and despises. Your main priorities are to satisfy the other one, to make sure each one of you feels equally loved and accepted and comfortable in whatever this is. So why can't you just fuck? 

"I wanna fuck you, Y/N." he presses further, leaning into your personal space, so close that the top of his nose brushes against yours. "I wanna fuck you and then I wanna hold you. I don't want you to push me away and just let me stay with you, even when you're all sweaty and messy." 

"Patrick-" 

"Don't. Just listen to me for once and shut up. Stop worrying for a goddamn minute and listen to me, hear me out when I tell you that I want to be with you every second of my life, that I want you in my arms, kissing me, looking at me and paying attention only to me. Not any other man."

"There's no other man." you interfere, eyes flicking between Patrick's to search for any hint of rationality. 

"But there's no me either." he protests, voice raising. Fat from gentle, far from soft, there's not even that playful edge in his voice anymore. There is a hint of something dangerous hidden behind his blue eyes. "And I want there to be. Are you really that stupid to not see that I love you? That I wanna be with you and be your boyfriend? Want you to be my girl?" 

"Patrick, I-" again, you attempt to say something, anything, but no words leave your mouth. Your whole mind is clouded by the sudden confession. He loves you? But... 

It all connects all of a sudden, realising what he messaged you was intentional, was nothing but the sheer truth. All the little signs and hints. All the times he held onto you, clutched your bare body against his and desired to remain buried under the sheets with you. All the pouts and protests when you wouldn't let him stay, when you wouldn't engage in normal couple-ish activities that he wished so hard for. All the subtle touches, on your back, shoulders, face, stroking your cheeks and scratches on your back. These and so much more were visible, at least Patrick thought so. These were the hints Patrick was giving you, desperately hoping you'd pick up on it and notice how smitten he is with you. 

"I love you, Y/N." he whispers, hands grabbing your face, too afraid you're gonna disappear from his grasp if he doesn't hold you tight enough. His thumbs graze your cheeks. "And I need to know if you love me too." 

But do you? Can you afford to love Patrick, the man who was initially your best friend's boyfriend, the man you first fucked out of spite and in symbolic revenge and then found yourself caring too deeply for? Are you willing to be in a messy relationship that would undoubtedly completely alter the direction of your life? 

"I don't know, Patrick." 

"You don't know or you just don't wanna answer?" 

He can see right through you, it's insane. It pains you that you've no idea how to decide, what to say, what to tell him. So you just shudder, attempting to cast a smile and ease Patrick's worries at least somehow. "I don't want us to get hurt."

"We won't." he promises, adamant on keeping it. 

"How can you be so sure about it?" it's obvious you are doubting your possible relationship, knowing what kinds of people the two of you are.

"Because I love you." 

[redactedgender]

songs i associate with redacted audio characters - speaker edition

!! CW FOR MENTIONS OF ADDICTION, UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, AND AARON & ELLIOTT'S BACKSTORY !!

this is gonna be exactly what it says on the tin. there'll be some explanations under the cut for what im doing w this!

to keep it brief, im giving each of the characters under the cut three songs from my playlists of them, and go into a little detail on why i chose them/have them in their playlists. sounds simple, right? i'll also be including links to the songs if you want to add them to your own playlists!

with that, let me explain what the fuck is up shjdkfdsh

so a bit of context: i grew up writing karaoke fanfics on wattpad, which if you don't know, were reader-submitted requests for specific characters to sing songs within a short story, mainly in a group setting at karaoke. this has made me extremely specific with music and assigning them to characters, along with finding "singing voice-claims" for characters. so, i have some credentials when it comes to this stuff fjdhsgshjgd

with that explanation out of the way, onto the fun! one of the songs listed for each of them will be their svc (singing voice-claim), except for gavin, because i'm still working on finding his svc (i am leaning towards dpr ian for him though because... don't go insane. yeah)

if that all makes sense...

let's go!

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gavin

horns - bryce fox

; so this is the song i used as the title for my big ol' gaviant smut i wrote (shameless plug shhhhh). this song is just so gavin, especially season one gavin. the sex appeal that oozes from it, the way the singer wants the subject so badly even if he knows she's bad for him. like, s1!gavin wasn't a bad guy, but he was kind of morally ambiguous in a way that could be read as toxic. however, as freelancer's relationship with him deepened, we learn that he values consent and being authentic, something other concubi don't. what can i say, i like good character growth.

human - dodie

; this was one of the first songs i put on his playlist, and for good reason. this song, to me, is freelancer singing this about and to gavin. it's about connection, it's about wanting to see what the other person is like under the persona they've created. this song is what happened when freelancer began learning about gavin past the "sex daemon" persona, but its also what happened when gavin learned about freelancer and how they were more than a "jack-of-a-trades mess of a human". listen i love the two of them so much.

sweet tooth - scott helman

; a more recent addition to my playlist, this one also makes a lot of sense to me. this song is about addiction, and while gavin like, literally needs feelings of desire to live, it also can be said that he probably has had an unhealthy relationship with sex in the past. i also just really like this song. but i think gavin has healed a lot of his attitudes towards his fellow concubi, with freelancer's help and of his own personal efforts.

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elliott

dream boy - waterparks

; we have reached our first official svc! awsten knight of waterparks is my elliott svc. does this is really match my face claim for him? kinda? i had this svc waaay before i had josh hutcherson as elliott actually. but, to talk abt the song itself, i mean. c'mon now. it's literally elliott to sunshine. the vision in my brain is that elliott sings this at karaoke before he and sunshine get together, but are definitely both pining hardcore for each other. there's something about the playful flirty energy of this song that reminds me of elliott in the best way imaginable. he's just a little dorky, what can i say!

wasted summers - juju

; i like some angst! im not all fluff and humor and smut. i appreciate a good angst now and then. my brand of angst is just kind of specific. you'll see that in a sec. but this song just reminds me of elliott and aaron for obvious reasons. how aaron grew up too fast cuz of their parents, how aaron felt jealous and angry over elliott telling him and their mom about magic, how elliott told sunshine he's the protective type because of how he grew up (side note i have many thoughts abt elliott & blake and protection vs possession if anyone would be interested lmao). their relationship just makes me go a bit insane /pos.

still got it - troye sivan

; ALRIGHT THIS REQUIRES A BIT OF AN EXPLANATION. so i basically have a whole mv planned in my big ol' brain around this song, and around the concept of: what if scorpius' memory erasing worked for longer? what if elliott genuinely thought, for a bit, that he and sunshine had a bad breakup, but that he still loved them? and still "wanted them back"? only to then have the memories, the real ones, come back in a flood of sensory overload and horrible realizations? see? i like angst. :]

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porter

brutus - the buttress

; first things first, i dont support this band due to their transphobic comments. that being said, this song is incredibly porter-coded. "my whole life you were a teacher and friend to me / please know my actions are not motivated only by envy" - like this is just about will and vincent. i don't have to explain further.

we don’t have to dance - andy black

; porter's svc! i liked this song for him cuz i imagine treasure is the first person in a loooong time that porter has actually wanted to stay around, even though he's so used to these one night stands and passionate scenes. and even though he really likes treasure, he still goes back to the old him: offering just to dance, just to fuck, just for this to be casual.

car lights - james marriott

; so i have a little headcanon that porter's maker was someone that porter was dating in secret because he (maker) was the kind of guy who would say homophobic things in front of others, but would end the night with his tongue down porter's throat (or something like that). this song is about that kind of experience: worried you're about to be caught despite it feeling so fucking good. also, this song just kinda slaps.

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lasko

stutter - marianas trench

; this song just makes sense, not just in the fact that lasko stammers and stutters a lot when talking (especially when he's excited, god hes adorable) but also in that lasko is basically a hyperverbal autistic/auDHD person who constantly talks even when they don't have the energy to do so (totally not projecting what) and i think that's representation we don't always see. also, imagine him finding this song and dancing to it? yeah.

eraser - ricky montgomery

; lasko's svc! does this surprise anyone? actually it might. i love ricky montgomery so much, his debut album is one of my favorite pieces of music out there and i think he's such a talented artist. his range and subject matter in his songs always screamed lasko to me, and ricky's vocals just match lasko so much. this song is about being socially awkward, which like. yeah. i have like four or five ricky songs on my lasko playlist which is really funny actually hgjkfdhsdh!

my mother wants me dead - carolesdaughter

; lasko "mommy issues" moore anyone? yeah this song is that. i know i could have gone for the mitski mommy issues, but something about lasko tells me his mommy issues are like rage. like, as much rage as lasko can have towards a person. the damn fam and their mommy issues. this song also plays into my hc that lasko used to smoke before starting at D.A.M.N., picking it up after the inversion, and then quitting again once he started healing and met coworker.

━━━━━━━━

guy

fallin’ for you - r5

; as you all know by now, ross lynch is my guy faceclaim. and while i love the driver era (a kiss is also on my guy playlist, it is in fact the best tde song), ross' voice during the r5 era actually suits guy a little more to me if im being honest. also, its a hc of mine that guy's family did music, but guy had a really bad falling out with his parents and it kinds ruined things for a while. r5!ross's vocals are higher than now, since this was during the disney era, but this song is just too perfect to me not to use for guy.

30/90 from tick…tick…BOOM!

; i mentioned this in my face claim post, but i had andrew garfield as my guy face claim because of this song from the movie. it's just like literally guy tho. we know guy's a writer, we know how writers are. as a writer myself (not professionally), "30/90" is more than just representation of someone wanting to peak before their past "the right age"; this is about creatives wanting to make something that will last longer than their life, and that just screams guy to me. i don't think he wants to be famous, but i think he wants to have a legacy of media he creates last longer than himself.

honey - troye sivan

; listen. "something to give each other" is my favorite album from 2023, and most of those songs remind me of one redacted character or another, so if there's a lot of songs in my playlists from this album, shush. anyways, this song is an obvious choice for guy since it's titled "honey", but if you listen to it, it actually is a pretty sweet (eh? eh??) song. it's about falling for someone and wanting to be with them, and since its a fandom wide hc that guy probably fell in love with honey upon first meeting them, this plays into that idea. look i just love how much of a simp guy is for honey, what can i say?

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if i have any more energy to do more of these i will, but my spring break ends soon so we'll see. also, i managed to make height charts for redacted audio characters & listeners if anyone would wanna see those (they would include my listener oc's). also, if you have any songs you think fit the bois, i may open my asks again if you want to send those to me :0

[justwinginglife]

Hi Lovelies!!

So I just joined this platform recently and I have been honestly so astounded at all the lovely feedback and responses I've been getting, I'm really so thankful for all the love. I love writing but I hadn't written anything in YEARS before I started posting here so again, I'm so grateful everyone has been so sweet and supportive of all my posts- I promise they will get better, I am still trying to remember how to write again since it's been so long. You may or may not notice I am a little obsessed with a certain Vice Captain right now, I swear I do know how to write about other characters too, but at the moment Soshiro Hoshina has my whole heart so he will probably have my whole blog too (for now)- HAHA!

I was recently asked if I take requests- the answer is yes I do as long as I know the character somewhat, I just feel kinda weird writing about someone if I don't really know them but if you give me some info on them I'm sure I could make it work too. My main boo is Hoshina right now, of course.

I'd say I'm mainly a fluff writer that dabbles in smut and angst, too often I'm writing fluff and it just turns into smut (whoops!). I do love a good angst post but I have the hardest time cuz I hate hurting Soshiro so it's like do I want to write angst about him? We'll see. My poor baby has been through enough. Also smut- I love smut. Please send me all your smut, especially Hoshina related. But if yall haven't noticed, I'm a little impatient writing smut. I will get better as I practice but I'm really just tryna fuck him so forgive me for lack of better buildup/foreplay in my smut posting, I literally just wanna get to the fucking because the man is perfect and I need it. Again, I will practice at it but I appreciate that you all love my work anyway even tho it's a lil messy.

More background info on me, I do work full time so I probably won't post or respond as much on the weekdays as I would on the weekend but I will try my very best! Gotta keep my hyperfixation up!

Also please feel free to hmu even if you just want to talk, I do not judge and I do not bite, I just like talking to people. If you wanna know if we have anything in common, I'm 24, female, love talking anime, Shadow & Bone, and a big fan of Taylor Swift and Keshi right now. If yall wanna send me your writing or art, just for funsies, or helping you edit, or just to have someone support it if you don't wanna post it to the whole world- I got you!

Sorry for the long post- this all came up cuz I got my first request.

Love you all so so much again, there will be so much more to come, I am brimming with ideas yall. Thanks again besties!

[weirdcat1213]

STEVEN UNIVERSE FANS: WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH TRIGUN STAMPEDE (SPOILER FREE)

Hi there, it's been a while, isn't it? The whole show ended 3 years ago and honestly, nothing has felt the same. Most shows get axed/are on streaming which makes you binge them and you don't get to emotionally bond with that show.

Well let me tell you I got something that you may like

Ok so this post will summarize Trigun Stampede, its similarities to SU/SUF, questions you may have as someone who doesn't like anime that much and why it needs a shit ton of support.

Trigun Stampede:

The story is set on this desert planet where humans need special machines to survive called plants because they produce all the resources humans need to survive. In a world where fighting is the only way to survive, the outlaw Vash the Stampede decides to help people with their plants/personal problems without using violence. If he is a pacifist then why is he an outlaw? Watch the show.

SU/SUF similarities and pros:

-Did you like the sci-fi element in SU? Stampede has so much of that and they actually get deep into it. It has an important role in the story. (I wish I could say more but spoilers)

-Did you like the message of love and peace? Our beloved main character lives by that motto and yes there is conflict.

-Did you like cool villains with good reasons and grey morals? OH, WE GOT YOU ALRIGHT. Vash's main antagonist has that covered (again, spoilers) BUT I PROMISE YOU HE IS EVERYTHING YOU WANTED IN SU FROM A VILLAIN.

-Did you like pretty art? Orange, although mainly known for its CGI has done beautiful backgrounds + art concepts for the show.

-Did you like the gorgeous and smooth animation: Orange is the best studio when it comes to CGI and that doesn't mean "ok this is decent" kind of CGI, this is "I'm gonna eat this scene" kind of CGI. SU only got smooth animation when they brought guest animators but Stampede has that level on every. single. episode.

-Did you like SUF specifically for the trauma, growth and mental health themes? You will love Vash and some of the other characters. But Vash...dear god.

-Did you like the angst? Stampede is for you but don't blame me for the therapy bills

-Did you love the music? Stampede isn't a musical sadly the ost fucking slaps and it's so cool. It's on Spotify if you want to support it legally.

-Did you love the likable secondary characters? Stampede has a few characters but they are likable characters and feel real instead of NPCs. None of them follows an archetype strictly except maybe for one who is still pretty cool.

-Did you like the representation? Nothing can be perfect and it would be misleading to not mention this considering it's a great part of what makes SU special to me and others. Although it's not explicitly queer, there are some themes/ characters to whom queer people (myself included) have connected a lot. There's a non-binary character, and Vash's struggle with (spoiler) is relatable to a lot of queer people. Also, the guy really gives gender. Cmon, look at him. There's a fanon gay ship but the original creator (Nightow) and the Orange team really made Stampede *gay*. Like Yuri on Ice but better IMO

You can literally send me a dm with a "what about X" and I will reply.

Questions you may have as someone who doesn't like anime:

-I don't like Japanese voices and how they scream: The english dub is really good (like, omg VAs I will give you my life) good. They all fit and care for their characters, and the direction was amazing. If you're a zach callison fan I reassure you, Vash's voice actor GAVE that kind of emotion.

-I don't like generic anime looks: Guess what! Stampede is pure CGI and it looks awesome! If you don't like the generic design anime characters get you're in for a treat.

-I don't want to read the manga/watch the 98 anime to understand whats happening: And you won't have to! A lot of people got into Trigun as a whole with Stampede and the people watching the 98 anime now are doing so cuz they miss the characters, not because its crucial to understand Stampede.

-I don't like CGI, non of it: watch the 1st episode then come back to me. Not even that, just watch the trailer.

Why it needs a shit ton of support

Apparently, anime is just starting to take outside-of-Japan fans into consideration for things like renewals, so at the Orange panel, the staff told people to support the studio and Stampede if we want more of it. It sucks that this is the only way a show can get renewed but we already know what's that like because of SU. Even if we didn't know it, people talking about it, going to cons cosplaying characters from the show, and buying merch was giving power to Rebecca to keep pushing for the show. Even if we got season 5 cut we managed to get Future and maybe the movie thanks to the fan support. Stampede is so new and although its popular it got cast away just for being CGI and for not being the exact same as the 98 anime. It's literally a passion project and the staff (including Nightow) are so in love with it. They want us to look for clues and give us more content because they love Trigun as a whole. Animation is suffering and I know there are 100000 shows that need support but please keep this show in mind. It's made of love, you could say.

Here's the ways you can support it!

-Where to watch (sub/dub): crunchyroll/ the DVD is coming out soon but I dont think that has the dub.

-OST: Spotify, Applemusic

-Merch: I recommend CD Japan but there are other websites

[i-cant-stop-fandoming-help]

Hanahaki (Words better left unsaid(?))

Fuck it i'm splitting it into parts. this is part one. ALL OF IT IS IN ONE DOC THATS SEVEN PAGES LONG AND STILL NOT COMPLETE. HERE'S THE FIRST FOUR PAGES.

Anyways this is filled with headcanons because only the MSS demo is out. HERE YOU GO BORIS I HOPE YOU LIKE FUCKING. CHUBEE BEING ANTISOCIAL OR WHATEVER IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.

EAT THE ANGST WHILE I GO AND MAKE MYSELF SOMETHING TO EAT FOR I HUNGER.

also a friend and I wrote a fic with our OCs that involved Hanahaki like. 2 years ago. And the resolve of that fic was that the sickly person lost their memory and thats how the hanahaki was rid of. and i liked that idea so Input "FORGETTING UR LOVED ONES WILL CURE YOU OF THE FLOWERS!!!" in here.

Uhhh tw for Hanahaki, memory loss caused by concussion, and idk what else. please ask me if you need something tagged cuz i genuinely have no idea what to tag.

also i had to replay all the routes in the demo so I could do my best to write the personalities. I mainly just like kicking chubee while he's down because. idk actually. ig its just cuz i like him as a character? I'm really tired

im going to stop rambling pls just read this so i can get back to working on the second part AND my other angst fics. and the singular happy fic in my WIP collection.

Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. Chubee knew the feeling well. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. His heart was pounding, and his stomach was spinning about. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. Rongdien was snort-laughing at Matu, who had tripped over Aloiki’s fake tail and fallen flat on his face.

Rongdien was one of the hardest of the group to make friends with, it took the beekeeper a while to figure out how to make them grin. While everyone else was somewhat open with their interests, they had remained stone-faced.

That frustrated Chubee, although he hated showing it. Deep down, he felt that he was only good for jokes and “therapy”. Nobody really cared about him, nobody wanted to know what he was interested in, or what he had gone through in life. So when someone didn’t see him as good for either, he could only feel hollow. If he didn’t have a purpose, why should he live?

The red-head glanced at the blonde, gaze clouding with confusion. “You’re staring, ‘Bee. Why are you staring, Chubee.” Their voice wasn’t loud, but it was commanding enough to make Chubee stand up straight.

“Sorry, Mx. ‘dien.” He tried for a grin, but it was hard to manage. Their amber eyes were sharp, piercing him through and making his knees wobble, making it hard for him to stand.

“Why are you staring.” Rongdien repeated, making the beekeeper attempt to straighten up even moreso. 

“Don’t see you laugh often, is all!” There was something bitter rising in his throat, and his breath was growing hard. “I don’t feel so well, though.” He kept the grin up as he backed up, the bitterness growing.

He booked it. Chubee ran down the halls, ran towards his room. He slammed his door open as fast as he could, before his knees buckled. Petals flooded out of his mouth, that of the red windflower. Typically, he would’ve stared in awe, but they were coming from his mouth.

“No, no, no.” He whispered, tears welling in his eyes. He had this sickening curse once before, back before he graduated, and someone else had to tell him years later.

“You had this sickness. “Hanahaki”, I believe it is called. You were spewing up entire bouquet’s worth of purple petals. 

Chubee was unusually still. His hands weren’t patting his knees, his foot wasn’t tapping the ground, his eye wasn’t twitching. 

“It was weird that you were missing so much school, y’know. Everyone was worried, even…” the brunette paused, her lips pursing. “Even Pedro.”

The name hung in the air, and she stared at him like he was about to spew out an entire flower again.

“Maria, it’s fiiiineeeee!” He hated how his voice wavered, “I’m over it. You know how? I got a concussion.”

Maria’s eyebrows furrowed, and she looked at him quizzically. “How would that help?!”

The blonde just shrugged, taking off his gloves and touching his fingers to his palm repeatedly. “I had a talk with Carmen,” he tried to keep any and all emotion out of his tone. “ ‘Pparently, forgetting the one you love helps. It’s why I didn’t show up for the rest of the year, either.”

She still bore a concerned expression, and Chubee itched with discomfort. He never knew how to react whenever someone showed concern for him.

“Y’know, Carmen has a killer throw. Never trust ‘em with a tennis ball, you’ll regret it.” Shivers went down his spine, but he tried to sound like he was joking. “Knocked me straight out. Only knew he did it because he was next to me at the hospital.”

Maria glanced out the window– the sun was setting, and it caused a beautiful gradient to cover her face. Blue, pink, orange, and then yellow. “He said you got a bad concussion, and everyone wanted to see you… Many people are fond of you, Garcia.”

Chubee had no retort to make, as much as he wish he did. 

“At the beginning of the school year, when the teacher made us do an introduction assignment… a lot of people remembered your interest in beekeeping from that day. It’s why Jaime got you the bee plushie, and why Lucia and I saved up to get you those bee-themed pixie lights.” She raised a finger, pointing at his hat– the one he always wore. “It’s why Antonio got you that.”

Chubee snapped back to the present, he had lingered on that memory for too long. What purpose had there been to think back to it? He already knew that he just needed to forget. Forgetting was a lot easier than opening up about his feelings.

“You blood-havers are strange.” A metallic, squeaky, voice rang from above him.

He jolted, looking above and wiping his mouth. “Estelia.” He muttered, his tone bitter with hatred.

The robot just giggled, hovering in the air before staring at the petals. “That’s gross. Humans are gross.”

She began to ramble, but he cut her off as keeled over, pressing his palms into the hardwood flooring and cringing as more petals spilled out of his mouth, accompanied by dots of blood.

“You should see a doctor.” Estelia vanished after saying that, although her steel-cold giggles still echoed about in the halls.

Chubee ignored that comment. He was too busy thinking about who could help him forget. 

Maybe Carolia could hit him on the head, whether it be with fist or hammer. Carolia never did seem to like others, so perhaps he wouldn’t ask questions.

There was a knock at his doorway, and dread filled his chest.

“Nice petals.” The voice was monotone, uninterested, and yet somewhat amused. “I don’t see that every day.”

Chubee did his best to gain his composure, but it was difficult.

“Mina says hi, by the way.” the brunette crouched down, patting Chubee on the back. “I can see if any of Mina’s medicine can help with the petals. With all the medicine substitution needed in my field, I’m sure I have something that could aid.”

Mezsha stood up with furrowed eyebrows, pulling Chubee up by the hood of his jacket. “But,” she continued after a long inhale. “It won’t be a permanent solution. There are three ways to survive this. But there are four ways to come out of this sickness.”

His throat was dry as he spoke. “How can I survive?”

Mina chortled at Chubee’s voice, which stung slightly, but it wasn’t important at the moment. Mezsha seemed to be thinking.

“Well,” She said after a few minutes, “I’ll dumb this down as much as I can, for your sake. The first way you can survive is by confessing your feelings– but your feelings must be returned. Obviously.”

The bee-keeper buzzed softly, kicking at the petals and pursing his lips. His parents stopped showing care for him long ago, and it taught him something. Never, ever, be honest with your feelings. Even in a life or death situation, don’t be honest. It’ll just hurt you in the end.

“The second way is surgery. I’m the only one here capable of performing such a feat– at least, without you risking some sort of infection. Also, I don’t know if the others would be able to perform it right. This is the most simple way, especially with how you’ll lose your feelings after, but you’ll have to place a lot of trust in me.”

Mina squealed and swiped the air.

“And, no, Mina won’t be in the room for it. That would be unsanitary.”

The blonde buzzed in amusement, rolling his shoulders. “Thanks for the reassurance. Really makes the idea less scary.”

The veterinarian stared at Chubee, a small spark of entertainment darting through her honey-yellow eyes. “Do not use sarcasm against me, Garcia. Moving on, the third way to survive such a condition is to—”

“Lose your memory.” The words burst out of his mouth, and as soon as he realized he cut her off, he took a few steps back. “Sorry.”

Mezsha’s glasses slipped down the bridge of her nose, her eyes narrowed as she stared at the beekeeper. “Most people don’t know about that, how do you?”

Chubee had never been as honest as he had been in that moment. Words spilled out without a stop put to them, and it felt like he was going to crumple over. He explained everything, how he had had the disease once before, and how a classmate told him that memory loss would help, and how the concussion left him hospitalized for a month– the last month of the school year.

He explained how hard it was for him to be honest with his emotions, because it never felt like anyone would ever care. How all the tears he forced down were trapped because he didn’t want to be picked on for crying, how he was scared of anyone getting too close because he might become attached and he didn’t want to grieve when he was abandoned.

He could only stop when his hyperventilation became too much to speak through, and it was then that he realized how nice it felt to cry. To let all he bottled up, flow out. And his words hung in the air, only interrupted by his sharp sobs and sharp, uneven, breath.

Inhale, inhale, inhale, inhale, exhale, exhale, in. He could almost feel Mezsha’s pitiful gaze, he didn’t have to look up. Exhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. His heart was pumping, and tears dripped off of his chin and to the hardwood tile. Inhale, exhale, inhale, inhale, exhale.

A fluffy heap was pushed into his chest.

“Bah!” It was a tiny, yet high-pitched, roar. Mina.

He wrapped an arm around the bear cub, tears clearing from his vision as he spoke gently. “Oh, hello there, Mina…”

Mina chortled again, turning her head to stare at her care-taker. “Raaah?”

Mezsha’s jaw was tight, and her eyebrows were furrowed together. “Keep holding Mina until you calm down. Petting her may help.” Her voice was much softer than usual, even with a hint of sorrow in it. 

Chubee’s breath slowed down bit by bit, and tears were no longer welling in his eyes. His eyes stung from dryness, and his cheeks were burning from the lament.

“Thank you for opening up.” 

He looked up, and Mezsha was slightly crouched to his height. Her eyes were damp with sympathy, and her irises were much more of a marigold color.

His words caught in his throat for a mere second. “I shouldn’t have.”

Mezsha tapped her finger against the wall, her gaze clouding and growing distant. “No, it’s okay. Bottling up emotions will never do you any good, and it will only cause harm.” 

A snarky comment came to mind, but he let Mezsha continue.

“But you should not be forced to confess your feelings, or to let others know at all times how you truly feel. So perhaps we should head back to the original topic.” 

“That would be appreciated.” Chubee’s voice was nothing more than a whisper.

----

[lipglossanon]

hellooooo, back at it again with these intrusive leon thoughts>:)

this time though, it could be because my period is getting close, but i feel pretty down lately and these intrusive thoughts are winning soooooo

Leon angst anyone?

its not anything too deep really, just poor lil reader catching leon at the wrong time :(

like she's just chilling in her room, playing with her phone and all, but then she decides to go down to the kitchen to get smth to eat cuz she's a bit hungry. she's about to step down the stairs and turns around a corner when she suddenly hears a female voice, an unknown female voice. peaking around from behind a wall, her eyes widen in shock as a heavy feeling drops down to her stomach, nothing but a painful ache in her heart at the devastating sight in front of her. right on the couch in the living room, she sees her step brother, his arms wrapped tightly around some girl she's never seen before; they're both smiling and laughing with each other, seems to be watching some kind of movie that they're clearly not paying attention to. for some reason, her heart tightens up so bad that she feels like she couldn't breathe at all; it feels like a heavy weight is on her shoulders as her breath hitches in her throat. why is she feeling this way? it's not like she's together with leon, or at least not romantically. that thought only makes her feel even worse. unknown to her, tears begin to fill her eyes and slide down her cheeks as she cries quietly. not feeling hungry anymore, she slowly goes back up to her room and locks the door, sitting at the edge of the bed again. even then she can still hear their laughter downstairs, as if they're taunting her. laying on the bed with a small thump, she cries silently into her sheets as her body shakes a bit from the hurt she's feeling. she doesn't even come down to eat dinner no matter how many times her mother knocks on her door and basically orders her to come down, all she can think of is leon with that girl. who the hell even is she?

her body tenses up immediately when she hears his voice on the other side of the door, "sweetheart? can you open the door?"' his hand twists the doorknob as he knocks the door softly. she doesn't respond back to him, just laying there with tears now getting dry on her cheeks. leon stops after a while and sighs, then suddenly she can hear the sounds of keys jiggling outside, making her slightly panic.

"I'm coming in." opening the door, he frowns at the sight of her body laying still on her bed, not turning to look at him excitedly like she used to.

"hey princess, what's wrong? come on you gotta talk to me. Mom's really worried you know?" finally slowly turning to leon, his concern expression turns to a shock one when he sees her red and puffy eyes. quickly getting closer to her and pulling her to his chest, he coos softly and pats her hair gently.

"baby what's wrong? who made you cry?" his comforting tone gets a bit hostile when he asks the last question, but it immediately changes when she answers.

"you."

BOOM CLIFFHANGER MWAHAHAHA. i might add more since i need more time to think but yeah feeling quite down right now and leon's brain rot isn't helping much.

may i have a small blurb about this if ur comfortable at writing angst? :)

Yooo you’re back at it again with the feels ;_; but I get emotional before, during, and after my period so this hits so hard it’s not even funny 😔

Noo not Leon accidentally breaking her heart 😢 please I need closure 😭 who is the girl? Why were they snuggled on the couch? I have unanswered questions!! 😫

I’d love to write one! I’ll try my best cause angst is hard for me 🤣 mainly cause I want even fictional people to be happy (life is sad enough lmao). You have any more ideas for this?? I want any and all info you have haha 😂 so my mental picture matches yours 😆

[temunitu]

Okay question!

These can be specific versions of turtles too:

Who is your favorite turtle:

The one you relate to the most:

The one you dislike the most (or just least favorite):

Turtle who you think is the most underrated:

Turtle who you think is the most overrated:

Turtle who you think gets too much hate (or the most criticism)

Turtle who you'd be best friends with:

And Turtle who you'd be mortal enemies with:

I SHOULDN’T BE SO STOKED TO DO THIS. also @ anyone who wants to: you can fill this out and reblog or reply with it. i love reading y’all’s opinions

read more cuz i’m gonna overdo it and go into why

Favorite: i think you can probably guess it’s 2003 mikey since i am an open book. love that he’s unapologetically a menace to society but put all his points toward charisma so he can get away with it. it might’ve been rise mikey had we seen more of him, he’s a close second.

Relatable: this was so tough but i think 90s raph might be the most relatable to me??? at least. when i was like 15. sir you try to act all tough and scream “DAMN” from the rooftops. just angsting it up. i love that for him, that was me at 15. get him into therapy, it helps <3

Dislike/least fav: 2012 donnie. you know why.

Underrated: i see like. zero love for the 90s movies (i know 2 and 3 weren’t as good but 1 DESERVES MORE LOVE). the turtles in it are fantastic and there’s some lines that are just. PEAK sibling inside joke energy. (i am talking about donnie and mikey’s “fight?” “fight.” “kitchen?” “kitchen.” “pork rind?” “pork rind.”)

Overrated: i love the rise leo kinnies and stans. and leo clearly has a lot going on. but it has been done over and over and over so much that i am so tired of it. this same thing happened with rise donnie when the show was coming out. post-movie it’s been all about leo, so… both of them are kinda overrated to me

Too much hate/criticism: i have like, a warped sense of what’s popular and what gets criticized since i tend to stick to my own corner of the internet, but… for me, it’s fast forward and back to the sewers. i watched those pretty early and they’re special to me for whatever reason, but the changes feel REALLY different and i think it was mainly due to execs worried about making money so they cut the budget (and/or execs thinking they had to ‘lighten’ up the show for a broader audience and to not piss off parents). there’s a LOT of cool ideas in both but especially fast forward. btts got chopped halfway through. idk, a canceled show can’t be… bad to me? cuz i can’t help but see that the creators tried their damnedest with the time they had.

Best friend: HARD QUESTION but i think it would be rise raph? we’d be the mom friends of the group since we’re both older siblings. he’s similar enough to get along with but different enough that he’s not a carbon copy of me where we’d grate on each other’s nerves, y’know? if i met 2003 raph we’d argue too much to be besties

Mortal enemy: not a turtle but. i want to fight whoever decided that the tmnt weren’t “technically” brothers in the next mutation. FOR WHAT? SO YOU COULD HAVE THEM MAKE WEIRD COMMENTS ABOUT VENUS?? IM KICKING UR ASS SISTER VENUS WOULD’VE BEEN SO MUCH CUTER

[silverflqmes]

HELP IWOWSHJE YOU THINK IM FUNNY??😻 im kidding.. let me be normal🫡

im sure it’ll be great!! would fr read your og work if you’re producing content this solid😩 BUT YEAH IDK SEFIKURA JUST GOT SOMETHING THAT HAD ME GASPING FOR AIR ITS JUST LIKE?? they’re so complex and despite being enemies they literally understand one another the best?? it’s just so insane to me honestly how similar yet so different that they are- it intrigues me to see how they progress throughout the games ( i’ve only played remake — which i finished almost two weeks ago i wanna say, playing cc now as im answering actually😭, ec and watched ac ), but i have limited time since i gotta start up college in september and wont have a console at my disposal since im leaving it behind probs</3

i myself have not written much for sefikura — just got one thing up on my acc which was an intrusive / analysis drabble while i was playing remake and got to the edge of creation😵‍💫 cuz writing oneshots is not something i often do unless i have an idea and i just need to get it OUT of my brain😭 otherwise i occupy myself with my lengthier fics on wattpad — which are for haikyuu😭 but since i’ve been brain rotting sm abt ff7 i decided to indulge just a little bit to try my hand at writing it<3

DIALOGUE?? honestly, valid cuz whenever i read their interactions in your fics it’s just crazy how on point they both are. dialogue fr is super important to writing which im trying to work on rn as i write my original story cuz i gotta remember speech mannerisms, behavior, stuff like that so characters are differentiated!! hmm, tbh listening to voices does make sense cuz somehow you had me hearing their voices for certain lines so good job on that, cuz you hella succeeded😩 agreed tho character / relationship development, whether or not established is important and i think you handle it rlly well along with the progression throughout your stories, granted i was VERY MUCH on the edge of my seat during the last chance w the whole tifa thing😭 ITS HONESTLY A RELIEF THAT YOU DO HAPPY ENDINGS cuz STAR WARS RUINED ME TBH so getting a happy ending for a change is so refreshing🧎‍♀️HOKANO ATE AT ME IT WAS 4AM AND I COULD NOT SLEEP UNTIL I FINISHED READING😭 when i got to the end i was like ohmygod are they gonna die?? but still a good fic i rlly loved the concept<3 angst just has me some way😔

BAKAHWKWWJ A SCORPIO?? okay okay it does explain a bit LMAO slay scorpio rep<3 yeah im just naturally impatient😵‍💫 and just spontaneous when it comes to writing.. deadass i would open up my books and just go in while thinking of stuff along the way ( basically, no plan minus the outline i make.. )

but i agree with what you mean abt having smtn to look forward to, i used to do that but keeping a schedule became a little difficult these last few years so i just kinda posted stuff whenever i could :’) at times i might also lose inspo and shift over to another fic but atm ive just been focusing on one full on fic since i fleshed it out the most and just a bit of a happy place for me🫶 i understand w your fics tho cuz seph and cloud are pretty different in each story from what i saw! PLS I TRIED TO DO A SHIP WEEK ONCE FOR A PAIRING AND I DID NOT LAST😭 i was like aint no way i cannot keep up like this.. but what you produced was chef’s kiss honestly, loved<3 PLS I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO RESPOND AGAIN I WAS LIKE OH!!

DEFINITELY HAD A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE🫣 i went into the theater completely blind to what was gonna happen and was surprised to see so many ppl?? and honestly ate up the whole movie — like ik there are mixed opinions regarding it but it was so good??? and when sephiroth showed up at the end i was completely GONE my eyes were fr glued to the screen it was just insane and the fight was so well put together??? 12/10 movie🗣️ OOOO THAT SOUNDS COOL honestly i wish i’d gotten into ff at a younger age but growing up i was super immersed in tekken and star wars ( mainly ), it’s where a lot of my inspiration comes from😵‍💫 probably why i like sephiroth sm too cuz he reminds me of anakin a lot.. but yeah, i held off on tapping into ff since school was out for blood with me🫡 so i’m grinding and indulging in whatever i can now before uni starts for me😭 BAHAHAHA she has no intentions of allowing me any escape i fear.. BRO FFN AS IN FANFICTION.NET?? i have not heard abt that site in so long oml.. i started there too back in 2017😭😭 i was into fairy tail at the time :’) but i shifted over to wp and now juggle wp and tumblr.. online ive been writing i wanna say for about seven years?? but writing ive been doing since i was about eight yrs old ( currently nineteen😵‍💫 ) geez i feel old now as well looking back at everything i wrote😭😭

HAJQHSJS YEAH E2L😭😭 last year i was reading so many fantasy enemies to lovers books that i picked up the lingo readers often used..😶‍🌫️ BUT IT SO IS THE BEST DYNAMIC! it just goes harder than it should😩 zakkura is cute but i feel you on that i need complexity i need ANGST i need shit to go down, the touch her / him and you die, the who hurt you, stakes, conflict, build up — SLOW BURN AND THE BANTER OML like i need all of that bc when they get together there’s just- this satisfaction where you’re like FUCK YEAH!! ahem but yeah😭 i agree, zakkura is more comforting and just sweet, very much on the healing side — its good when you need hella fluff</3 but they’re also the definition of right person, wrong time / not enough time🥹 ff7 is so cruel</3

IM FR LIVING FOR SEPHIROTH TEASING THE HELL OUT OF CLOUD AND GETTING ON HIS NERVES😭 its just so GOOD. so satisfying to read🫣 ZACK IS SUCH A BESTI FR!! we love him for supporting his buddies<3 i cant wait to see more!! and yes😭 i read everything a little throughout the month since your style was just so refreshing to read<3

the last chance was so good honestly i rlly liked the way you explored what was essentially a hypothetical of sephiroth returning again — i was so worried the whole time that smtn would happen to him but then i was like happy ending happy ending ( me on copium basically ) and it all went well<3 it was so cute to see sephi with the kids🥹

fr?? honestly i can see what you mean, i did notice it was a bit on the darker side which made me curious to see how you would handle the story — but i hope you’re doing okay now!! make sure you’re taking care of yourself!! but yup it helps to write whenever things are tough tbh, best way to get stuff out :’) looking forward to seeing the reunion yupyup<3

BAHAHHA DW I WROTE A LOT TOO SO YOURE GOOD😭

hi hi not necessarily an ask but i wanted to tell you that your works are so good??? like i’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that your stories are not the canon plot of ff7 AND YET IT FEELS SO REALISTIC BECAUSE YOU PORTRAY THE CHARACTERS SO WELL??? i fr almost gaslighted myself for a second there BAHAHAHA ahem, anyway, really love your style of writing, it’s so refreshing to me<3 literally got me giddy and looking forward to fic updates for the first time in awhile?? i’ve been in a reading slump for a good minute and your sefikura fics dragged me out in the most emotional yet spicy way possible IDK HOW YOU DO IT WITH THE WAY TAG TEAMING SMUT AND ANGST SO LANGUIDLY, LITERALLY GOT ME UGLY CRYING ONE MINUTE AND THEN SCREAMING THE NEXT

the power you hold oml but anyway — all in all it’s immaculate, eating it up fr🧎‍♀️ can’t wait to read more!!

and ummmm.. my bad for the word vomit i fr had to simp on main and show my appreciation🫡 have a good rest of your day / night!!<33

Wow, thank you so much! 😱 It’s not everyday I get praised like that, and I’m so honored you like my work that much! 🥰 I love to write, and I have original work on the backburner indefinitely because sefikura has stolen my soul for all eternity, haha. And I know exactly what you mean, I was so disappointed that fics I liked a lot only updated once a year or were left unfinished and I just...got so fed up with it that I decided I’d rather just spend my time writing my own than keep trying to read them. That’s why I’ll never leave a story unfinished(though sequels may take a while to appear). My comments section on AO3 is open to both users and guests, so you are always free to scream about it there or here, I don’t mind in the slightest! It makes me excited to post when you’re excited for the update, too! 

Out of curiosity, which story got you hooked on my work? 👀 In Death is my current fic that has 5 chapters left, and I’ll post one every single Friday until it’s complete, with chapter 15 coming out in just a couple days~! Ahh, the reunion is almost at hand! I also made a special image for the final chapter, and I can’t wait to share it. :) Thank you for leaving me such a lovely comment, I’m truly honored to receive it! 💖💖

[dylanxmin]

nobody does it like you do∣ k.nj

this work made for valentine’s day and there is a masterlist where a couple of writers came together to write for the sprit of the valentin’s day. please check the masterlist, and give lots of love to each work !  ♡ ♡

bangtan pastries ; valentine’s mlist

you didn’t fall in love with kim namjoon at the first sight, or he didn’t look anything sweet in the metal cage, but out of the ring, he was the sweetest, kindest one you can meet. Day by day, you fell in love and after two years, he decided to be the cheesy lover. 

OR to cringe you in and out on the valentine days.

pairing; fighter!namjoon x female!reader

genre; cheesy romance, smut, light angst(very very light dark atmosphere,oops:), established relationship, valentine au, pwp?,,

rating; m +18

warnings; mention of blood(as nj is a fighter:), mention of sex, kinda toxic but not toxic relationship(they just way too in love:), cage fighting, mention of yoonmin(and they have daddy issues:), mention of crossdressing, namjoon is totally an exhibitionist(but not gonna happen), a couple of curse words, Valentine's Day cliches(of course, duhh!), master - pet kink, bdsm motives, bondage, shibari(?), dom namjoon, sub reader, oral (f), multiple orgasms, overstimulation, spanking, begging, dirty talk, pain kink, humiliation kink, degradation, choking, biting, marking, hair pulling, rough sex, messy sex, unprotected sex(u know what not to do:), ig reader has a thing for namjoon’s hands but yeah,,,

word count; 11.4k 

a/n; heyyy, happy late valentine’s???,,, well, i have lots of complicated thoughts on this one ‘cuz my mind and my muse had a big fight on this fic. One of them wanted it to be very, very dark while the other decide it would be too much(you should guess which one wanted it to be dark and which didn’t)... so ion know if this come out as dark or light? maybe in between? hopefully? Plus, smut took me ages to write, as it clear, I can’t write smut now. Yeah, tea is out ! lol. a n y w a y s.... hope you will enjoy reading it? PLS mind the warnings guys, ion want you to feel uncomfortable,, soo, enjoy it xx  ♡

             ‘‘Listen to your heart when he's calling for you

                 Listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do’’

The question starts with a wrong turn at the top. Not ‘why?’. It should be ‘how?’. Would be more fitting, more understandable. 

How did you fall in love with him? 

Yes, you. How exactly did you fall in love with the man you called the love of your life?

Because he was a fine looking man? He was tall? Got a sense of fashion? He was hot, maybe? 

No. You fall in love because he has everything you want. Everything you need. And also more. Even more. 

It was the way the dark pupils lost behind the curl of his eyelids in a good laugh. Sugar skin dips down to force out the cute little holes, the dimples. Or the apricots, you called them mostly. 

Maybe you fell in love because you were jealous of the way he loved, cared for his plants and simply wanted to take their place in his heart. Or, he was so caring that he could still love watering his plants, talking to them while loving you crazy. Sending you to the moon before you can understand the lackness of your weights, the easiness of your heart, he would take you back. Land you gently as ever.  

Not knowing for sure, but you may also have fallen in love with him when he rented the second bike for you, so you could go to the mountains with him. Or when he had read the book you mention out of the context, without even paying attention that you couldn’t even remember when he said he read it in three days. 

Maybe it had happened because he gave you a soda when he took it for himself, or the one time he had chosen to stay with you rather than going out with his friend because you weren’t feeling well enough. Maybe-

When the killer hands for his opponent tangled above your skin so carefully that it felt like a feather, it may be the reason. The same hands that bloomed scarlet stains bake the most beautiful, heavenly pastries for you to lose in the taste, you may or may not fall in love. 

But-

You could say countless examples and it wouldn’t be enough as it didn’t happen in one night, or because of a thing. Just simply as ever, you, fell in love with the most dangerous - as well as the softest - man in Korea. 

The ruthless, mellow, the raptorial, thoughtful, destructive fighter one can ever see in a lifetime. 

Brightest man in the fighting industry. The idol of the young ones. 

The Chopper. 

Your lover. Everything you want. And more. 

Kim Namjoon. 

The darkest night and the brightest star at the same time. Every nightmare, every heavenly dream he was able to be at the same time but now, inside the metal cage, he chose to be the first one. To be his opponent’s nightmare as the constant strikes didn’t stop, continued to smash on the skin of the man who was looking almost at the same age as your lover, something was cracking. 

Stage surrounded by the crowd, acclaimings, a chain of the name of your lover’s attached to the lips of the audience, he was feeding by it. As it was obvious by the curl of his mouth, back muscles going lack and strains again with every syllable of his name. 

Opposite to the others, you were silent. Tongue-tied, mostly. 

Not because you are afraid of the crimson on his hand, or the light of something inhuman deep inside of his eyes. You were muted against the glory he held around himself. The way he owned everything and everyone in there, you as well. Sun-kissed skin glowing with victory sweats, and more, the bell ringed. 

Once, twice, and three times. 

Bell of the Chopper’s victory call. And everyone going crazy behind you, beside you, in front of you, you continued to watch your lover. Muted. Frozen. Swollen with pride. Couldn’t even take your phone to stick this moment into eternity, even though you want to have this moment in your pocket. Your lover’s arm on the air, fist tight enough to break a neck, smile of his proud beamed on his face. Daunting glares melt the moment they land on yours, melting into something you may call affection. 

Maybe a bit of bashfulness, as well. 

But then, the familiar sweet apricots come to light, and the ice that holds you still breaks into million pieces. And you smile back, eyes heavy with unshed tears. Chest fluttering as the effect of seeing his dimples never, ever fades away. Starting to clap one palm to the other, ease takes over. Relief gives your air back in your lungs after you realize there is nothing to be afraid of. He, your lover, the Chopper, Kim Namjoon won the fight and he is safe now. There is no harm he could get. 

So, that means you can turn your back, and leave the crowd behind to wait for him in the locker room for him to get done with all the things he has to. Such as taking photos, talking with his boss, and filling his pocket with money. Shortly, the thing you don’t want to be included, so you pushed the iron door to get inside the to-be-empty room but clearly it wasn’t and you stop at the entrance like a deer in the headlights. 

Obviously, you weren’t expecting two shirtless men to eat each other’s face, but the loud thug of the door broke their sessions while two pairs of eyes turned over you. Shallow breaths, pink glowing cheeks, you must say that they looked adorable. 

‘‘Happy Valentine’s Day, I guess?’’ biting your lips to prevent any sort of voice from coming out, the face eaters’ smiles burned bright, like the pink horizon on their cheeks. One of them waved at you from afar, and you returned the act.  

The one with mint neon hair sat on the bench, brushing his hair back before greeting you. ‘‘I assume Namjoon won as you are not crying or screaming your lungs out?’’ 

‘‘Maybe you can be a little lighter than that, hyung.’’ even though the other tried to hide away the bluntless of the older, you snorted. He didn’t say anything wrong, though. 

Waving a hand, you open the locker of Namjoon to get his things to leave here quicker. ‘‘It’s okay Jimin-ah. I know Yoongi enough not to be bothered by him, and he is kinda right. I did cry and scream a lot when Namjoon lost a fight, so..’’ your smile and shake of your shoulder gave the younger boy relief as he moved further to settle beside you. Eyes beaming bright, he was up to say something. 

Probably something he shouldn’t. 

‘‘You gonna beat his ass, don’t you?’’ to-be whisper words coming out of the orange haired boy right beside, the older’s scoff towered behind you two. ‘‘As he took you to his match on Valentine’s Day. You must be angry.’’ 

Placing the big bag on the bench, beside Yoongi, you shake your head with a smile stuck on your mouth. While placing the cloths and couple of wires in the bag, you began. ‘‘Well, this is not the best way to be in on such a day but I’m not mad. I would be if he hadn’t won the match, but I’m not right now. Plus, are you mad at him because he took you to his match?’’ 

Before answering, Jimin leaned and put a not so light kiss to his boyfriend’s lip. Or his kinda boyfriend’s lips? You didn’t know, they were kind of weird about the whole relationship thing they had. For the last two years of your life, they were in an on-again, off-again relationship and this mainly caused Yoongi's fear of coming out by his closet. The very oh so famous businessman father of course wouldn’t let his son go all around the city with a man who had the most beautiful face that his highly known friends could see around his son’s arms, and god forbid Jimin sometimes wears so mini shorts and skirts that could get the said man have ultimate heart attacks. Mr. Min’s fear was probably beyond what you could think, and that’s why Yoongi never was able to come out and act the way his heart wanted. His father holds so much power in his palms. And Jimin sometimes was okay with this, and sometimes it was the opposite. So that’s why you weren’t so sure if this was a relationship right now. It was something, something cute, funny, deadly and very, very destructive. But something. 

‘‘He’ll watch mine after his so, it’s okay.’’ his giggle alarming yours, you both voiced out soft laughs to the air of the room. After a couple of words exchanging, the iron door opened without a crack or a force like it weighing nothing, and you know, who was behind it. And the idea flapped your stomach before even seeing his face. Even after two years, you still haven’t built up immunity to seeing him with bruises. 

Probably he had very few, but still. It played with your stomach. 

Though, it wasn’t easier being far away from him only to not see his bruises, marks that were left behind after the momentarily act of violence. The need was immediate after the ring bell. The need where you only want to hold him between your arms, protect him as much as you can from any kind of danger, and even though you weren’t built for that, he would let you to cover him for protection. Let you play your little game in your mind if that means you were happy. But the cruel pain would still affect you as seeing his skin blooming purples and reds never been an easy thing. Of course, only on him. 

Of course, the man that you had no idea about the name he had or the age he’s in, didn’t bother you. Not in the past, or the moments ago. It only fascinated you. A grand sample of the power Kim Namjoon has had in him. A staggering but not a bad reminder of your lover’s impact. 

‘‘Ready to see me, Moonlight?’’ the honey sound coming from deep in his throat, it’s enough to shake your breath. Torturing the skin above your bottom lip, you made the choice of turning your face to him, and the ache was rapid to crawl and sit heavy on your chest. 

He opened his arms to guard you from the acidic pain you will have all around your skin, you run right into the giant embrace. But, acid still manages to boil the poor skin. Whether in his embrace or not. It was just a tiny bit more comfortable way to burn in agony. Even though knowing the man who lost the fight was probably too damaged to get another strike, you just wanted to land a punch to his rival. 

Again, again, again, again, and yes, again-

‘‘Shh… you know I’m okay, right? I won. We won, Moonlight. Look at me.’’ swelled fingers lifting the chin, glossy eyes reflected from his. Every muscle working so hard not to cry, almost purple ish, slightly open wound on the corner of his lips didn’t help much. Cheekbone throbbing below the fingertips you covered on his face, you stand on your fingertips to smack a kiss. No word would be enough for you to soothe you both, more likely yourself. 

Or maybe, your voice would crack so hard that you wouldn’t be able to hold the persistent tears anymore and would cry out loud. Which you weren’t sure if that was a bad thing. 

‘‘Does… Does it hurt?’’ voice coming out raucously, you sniffed. Croons of his pupils curl so caringly as Namjoon’s heart is way too soft for your red buttoned nose. Too much for the image he holds. Smile creeping up with a morning sun swiftness, the warmness it spread is fast. Almost sweet as the first light of the first summer day, it heals you from inside a bit. Then, Namjoon shakes his head, leans a bit to capture you in a world lifting kiss like there is no one. Open-mouthed, saliva mixing under the sweet taste, your heart purrs as you receive the source of your addiction. His kiss, and the chubby lips were indeed addicting. 

Behind the fake coughs, you pull away as the last piece of air left your lungs. Space full of loud panting, staring continued. 

‘‘You see, I am great. Nothing hurts, unless you start to cry and leave me aching.’’ snort drawn out by you, Namjoon frowns as he is offended. You open your mouth to say something, but the older of the room forestalls. 

‘‘Okay, love birds. Shall we give you some privacy or can you lead this sticky sickness somewhere else?’’ Both of you focus on the man who speaks by turning your heads at him. He still stands half naked in the room, his body looks a bit red as he warmed his muscles before his fight. And they still hang broad and visible. 

But the reply won’t come from you or Namjoon-

‘‘Sickness? You were humping my leg minutes ago.’’ Jimin spats, vein throbbing ferociously on the side of his neck. 

‘‘That was different, they-’’ 

‘‘Different my ass!’’ orange hair sways from one way to the other, Jimin knits his brow. ‘‘You are only disgusted because they are in a committed relationship and your feckless ass can’t do that.’’ 

The mood change was so sudden that the smile on the corner of your lips faded so late. No one, especially Yoongi wasn’t waiting for this as his mouth parts, voiced breath drawn out. He just blinks and watches as Jimin throws a tee over his naked body, and furiously leaves the room by your side as murmuring a faint ‘sorry’. It has Yoongi stand stock-still for a couple of minutes before he goes after Jimin, running and yelling his name. 

As you said before, they were something. Something your mind couldn’t catch the mood swings. Happy for one minute, a total disaster the next. 

‘‘He’s gonna have his ass sore in the night.’’ against Namjoon’s bluntless, you punch his shoulder out of reflex. And he laughs. 

‘‘Okay, okay. Not saying anything.’’ his hand hangs on the air, a dark shade washes over his eyes as his smile turns wicked from sweet. And you know what just possessed him. Both because the familiar smirk, and being captured between him and the cold lockers. ‘‘Or, would you want your ass sore instead?’’ 

His light brown locks messed with the darker ones, forehead covered by a couple of them, he hovered over you. Breath hitching around the throat, him jamming you to the locked with his huge, muscled fighter body has you warm. A little bit too hot as you gulp loudly, nasty grin grows more. And you want it. Want him to smash you right on the cold metal and make you sore everywhere but someone could walk in. Just the same as you did to your friends. 

‘‘What’s wrong, Moonlight? Don’t you want to celebrate?’’ index finger on your cheek wondrously shakes you inside and out. Each draw of the slender skin has you gasping because that’s all you can over him. ‘‘Not so happy over our win?’’ 

A smile comes out in your breath, you shake your head while his leg finds a way between your legs. ‘‘Not- not because of that. Someone… someone might come-’’ 

‘‘And that would be a bad thing?’’ 

Lips parts, closes and parts again. Brush of his fat thigh on your skin feels too much, you blurt out a moan before you get your head together. The moment you saw him without any cover over his upper half on the cage, you wanted to have his way with you. The need was burning by the start of the night, every punch, every loud growl had been making it grow bigger and bigger and you were pulsing on the down below. If he had his way with you, you could even forget the fact that he had a fight on Valentine’s Day, but the side of your brain, the consciousness place was screaming otherwise. Not that you ever listened to it.  

Namjoon kissed again. 

It was only understandable of you to give in. As he is the Kim Namjoon, the one who knew so well about taking whatever he wanted. It didn’t matter if it’s a fight, a place he wanted to get in, or you. He will get whatever he wants, and whenever. The taste on his tongue dancing sweet and thick down yours, you’d gladly stand defenceless. What can one do? He wanted it, and he got it. 

Kiss longs enough to choke you both, though he looks way unfazed comparing you, it broke apart. ‘‘This- this is not how I imagined spending Valentine’s with you.’’ chest heaving, you put your hands on his broad chest in case he tries to lean in. Not that it’ll affect him much, but… 

Namjoon’s brow knits while the ghost of his smirk wanders wide around his mouth. ‘‘Exactly. We need to do it, it’s Valentine’s Day-’’ he exclaims but you cut him immediately. 

‘‘Not in an ugly basement of some cage fighting thing going on!’’ 

He rolls his eyes with curled lips. ‘‘Like it would be the first time.’’ and you punch him this time. Hard enough to hurt because he deserved it. He laughs, claiming it’s only a joke and lands another but quick kiss. ‘‘Let me get clean and we can get out of here, okay? I may or may not have some plans.’’ then he won’t speak for feeling like eternity to you. No matter how many times you ask or whine what his plans are, he continues to hum the same song. He showers, the same hum on his lips, he changes into clean clothes while it still lingers. 

It is true that waiting sucks. It even more when the man you love so much keeps you waiting. You play with your phone until he is done with whatever he is doing, give some breaks only to huff and puff occasionally as both missing and curiosity fills too much of you. You know it’s not much as you both don’t like to be so fancy over anything, and don’t have so much to spend too. But whatever it is, it’ll make you so happy and thrilled because spending time with him always has you ecstatic. You were ecstatic the first time you saw him and have been till today. 

All the previous protests you held against your friend’s request of going to a cage fighting night had died the moment your eyes landed on him. Opposite to what Jungkook thought about you being petrified because of fear of all the bone crashing sounds, blood and violence, you weren’t. 

It was epiphany.  

Coming to a realization of the evil indeed could look beautiful, mesmerizing. Shouldn’t have been surprised so much as the evil itself is an angel, fallen or not. And it looked glorious in the cage, hiding under the skin of pink haired - brown locks were once pink and had undercut. - man who was beating the shit out of his rival in the cage. If he had that face when he lurked in the blood of the first one’s, you wouldn’t blame them for getting kicked out of the gates of heaven. It’s only natural to obey him, fooled by him. 

Even that moment, you knew he was everything. You knew you had to be with him, somehow. You craved his sweat covered body, his sinful fingers, parted lips to close them sweetly. 

His rage, his laser eyes, his flames-

The lust came before love, but they got along well. Falling in love felt like falling from the sky, and you were glad that you could understand how he felt years ago. The obscurity of it was terrifying, yet the thrill still beamed high. 

You were intoxicated by him, soothed by the tasty nectar of his apple. You were in love with him. And you were more than ready to be dismissed. 

‘‘Daydreaming again?’’ the man in his not so tight black jeans, matching boots and nothing more is now standing an arm length away, remains of shower still alive as his muscles and tattoos gleaming with the water drops. Air hitching around your throat, his smile beamed while he was busy drying his hair by a towel. ‘‘Bet you were thinking about me and what my plans are.’’ 

‘‘Cocky aren’t we?’’ a throaty laugh was his answer at your eye roll, a kiss you barely felt licked against your temple before he disappeared again to get fully clothed. A little bit of lying wouldn’t hurt him, but the truth about you thinking him twenty-four-seven would damage your pride so it was okay. Namjoon would not mind it, anyway. 

                                                                                                       ⋅＊⋆ ♥ ⋅＊⋰＊⋅ ♥ ⋅＊⋆ ⋅

The ride back home was a bit tough both for you two. Maybe more for him but if he wanted he could easily ease down your endless questions, but fortunately for both he didn’t. He hummed every question with a completely blank face, and chose to drive you wild. 

‘‘This is our way back home. We are going home?’’ 

A hum.

‘‘Are we going to the pub in the corner of our street? What was it, Bailey’s?’’ 

Another hum. 

‘‘You are not gonna tell me aren't’ you? This sucks, waiting sucks, you suck!’’ 

And there is the fucking hum and the laugh. He laughed at you like you were the one who acts hilarious. For the whole ride - and it was nothing more than twenty minutes but it felt like it - he hummed and laughed. Most of the questions were welcomed by silence, and the others died around your throat before even voiced out as well as your enthusiasm. Knowing he was doing this on purpose didn’t stop you from falling right into his game. Rather, you stuck in the middle of it and the struggle for going out pulled you even more. 

As they said, once you’re in the spider web, you fucked up. 

Well, you didn’t know who said it but it was true as you couldn’t get out of the bog of question and unknown. A nature you could call it, your curse. Being the absolute form full of curiosity and undying grudge you hold when you wouldn’t be able to get what you want. Maybe a bit spoiled as the other always called you, it never bothered you. What’s wrong with being a bit spoiled as long as you have what you wanted and didn’t hurt anyone? Well, at least the damages were not bad.

‘‘Home sweet home, huh? Hop off now.’’ it was direct when he stopped the engine of the car. Though, not rude. Namjoon could never be rude, and you know it better than anyone. Maybe he is in the cage, but that’s only natural. Cage was for animals, and he was one inside of the worn out metal. 

And again, you were angry. ‘‘Why didn’t you tell me I guessed it right at the head of the ride. I could have suffered less, you know.’’ and you had all right to feel your blood raging inside your veins, jumping right and left. Slamming the ages old car’s door without having mercy on it, you act before him and hurried your steps into your apartment. One hand searching the bag for the now lost keys. Of course, you weren’t just angry because you were going to spend the night in your house, you loved being at home with him. You were half-serious, half-acting your rage as a revenge. 

‘‘Woah, now don’t take our anger out of my girl, huh. What do you say?’’ he was coming back at you, grin hide away. Namjoon always adored how you were the literal ball of anger. Looking from out, everyone could easily misperceive who was in the charge in this relationship, but when you were all alone with your demons lurking free, he was always too eager to bend the knee. 

Maybe he didn’t have to work hard to get you at first, as you were already too deep in him. Yet, he knew. He knew that he'd chase you until the end of the world and beyond only to be with you more. To be close to you. To be yours. 

He shamelessly eyed the shape of your hips while you were climbing the stairs, as it’d be dumb not to. Outraged echoes of your mud covered boots beaming all around the walls, he bite his lip hard. It was a shame not to just have you right here, right now, where everyone could easily see. Maybe another time-

Now, your reaction is more important for him, so he waits while you fight with your purse to find the key, opening the door of your shared apartment, and then stopping instantly. 

As the night only allows you to see so little thanks to the light that echoed by the street, your body leans on the other sense you had. The smell that you shouldn’t smell tangles around your nostrils, magically the taste finds a way to bloom above your tongue, watering all over your mouth and you turn your head at Namjoon who is not sharing the same confusion with you. Rather, he was smiling with brows lifted high. And it only lead you to think-

‘‘What did you do?’’ he laughed at you as waiting this reaction, pushing you inside to close the door behind you and him. 

When the lights on he whispers behind your ear, way too delighted. ‘‘What does it look like?’’ 

And then, they were the things that shouldn’t be in your living room. The not so big clothed table, having lots of ornate belongings that didn't belong to you. Black covering above the white table cloth, there were so many forks, spoons that you would never use. The combination of red roses and black candles made you sick on the stomach as you stood there, mouth hanging open, literal disgust in your feature. 

Turning your head once again, you faced the man who was biting his smile, hiding it behind a thin line. ‘‘What do you think?’’ he asks, although knowing the answer very well, Namjoon needs to hear it from your lips. The delight was shrouded under it. And before you can utter an answer, you give one look to the table, and then your lover’s expecting face. Words loading to your closed mouth, you pushed them to the air rather than swallowing down. 

‘‘It’s hideous, I loved it!’’ 

Running in the middle of the room to examine the table better, Namjoon follows from behind, a laughter on his throat. From up close, it looked even worse. The absolute cliche you never grew liking. But you loved it because it was also not fitting with the man who Namjoon was and it made all these things amusing. Yes, he was kind, caring and a romantic without acknowledging it but never like this. More likely, he would do things without any romantic motive in them and that's exactly the reason you fell in love with him. He never bought you roses, but you were growing so many plants that one can call it a garden. He never took you out to a fancy place for dinner or never, ever made a table like that but he did cook the best food you ever had in your life. 

As the room filled with the tasty smell of something, you were going to turn back to ask what was the cause of it but the broad weight capturing you between the fat arms, your question melted away. 

Small, semi-wet touch of kisses painting your neck, you grabbed the head of some chair. Lashes flutter shut, you lean a bit back and bare your neck for more. ‘‘It smells so good. What is it?’’ barely whispered words coming out of you, Namjoon kissed the crook in the back of your neck, creating a deep purple before popping the skin off and clearing his throat. 

‘‘It’s something you would love to eat, but before-’’ the sound of his pocket continued after his word died, fingertips occupying you by the play on your stomach, the barrier of your shirt already passed. Flutter of your lashes, you lean back and wait rather than asking him what he was up to, or when he gathered these cheesy atmospheres. Namjoon chose to not rush anything, taking his phone from his pocket, steadily, unrushed. As he had already prepared it, he only had to touch the play button and the music filled the room. 

‘‘Oh- NO!’’ the flip of your stomach was funny as the laugh popped out as a reflex. Familiar melody echoing through the ice blue walls, your body moves with the man behind you, simultaneously. Following his steps while taking little right and left, tiny touches of his lips continued as he giggled with you. 

She's a little pirate in my mind.

‘‘You gotta be kidding me, right?’’ things have you surprised as they were highly odd, not expected from the man who never does anything this obvious. And plus, this isn’t being romantic in your language, this was being cheesy for both of you and you have had no idea why he was doing these all of a sudden. 

Give her all the love she gives to me. Rather than replying to you, he go alongs with the song. 

‘‘Never felt this love from anyone’’ Namjoon nudges at the side of your neck with the tip of his nose before talking - not mimicking the song this time -. ‘‘Remember the song, yet? It’s from the time where we first gathered on the bar, you were there with your friend, staring deep into my soul?’’ 

A man can never dream these kind of things

Especially when she came and spread her wings

Whispered in my ear the things I'd like

Surely you remembered the day he was talking about, how could you forget it while you did wait for that moment to come for feeling like a lifetime after you first saw him inside the cage. All that sweaty caramel skin had glowed in your dreams, the image of his tightened muscles left you leaking for so many nights. Therefore, you obviously remembered the day when Jungkook stalked him to find his favorite place so you two could act like you were always hanging there - which it worked -. There was no use pretending you weren’t captivated by him, so you did stare at him too much. Until he had noticed you, asked for your number, and fucked you on your bed, wall, kitchen… Poor Jungkook for hearing all of them, though, you learned that he used them for his own pleasure, so you guessed it was a win - win situation. 

‘‘Well, you know I get what I want, so…’’ the laugh coming rough, almost reminding a growl on your neck, he turned you over so you can meet him in the eye. Now, back rubbing one of the chairs, his long bony fingers already wrapped above your cheeks, you did the exact thing from the day. Stare deep in him. 

Side of his lips curled high, he wets his lips. ‘‘Hope you will have the same courage later in the night.’’ the eyes of him digs in you cold and greedy, your gulp sounds loud. It has him laughing, not so loud ‘hah’ presents his pearly teeth. ‘‘Before you, we have other things to eat.’’ 

                                             ⋅＊⋆ ♥ ⋅＊⋰＊⋅ ♥ ⋅＊⋆ ⋅

As Namjoon told you the details that you were very oblivious to, you learned that he got Jungkook’s help to decorate your apartment, all the cheesy atmosphere related to your sweet valentine just because you grumble behind his back that he wasn’t romantic enough, - even though you couldn’t remember when - and obviously, he wanted to punish you by doing this. Well, he didn’t call this as punishment but for you, it was because the romantic words, the whole decoration was too sweet for the souls you two had. 

‘‘It’s good that Jungkook helped you out while we were at your fight, but you know that he won’t help you with the cleaning, right?’’ like a lightning just struck on him, the pastry fell on the plate. His puppy digits grow wide, you find it beyond cute. 

‘‘Then it’s good news that I have the most caring girlfriend by my side?’’ the shake of your head wears his smile off, as he betrayed. He will think better next time before covering the whole floor with rose petals, now. And you hide your giggle behind the delicious pastry that he baked by filling your mouth with it, as his whines loud. ‘‘After all of these, I guess it’s too much to wait for a thank you in return.’’ 

Nodding, you take another bite. ‘‘Cream cheese mixes with the apricots way better than I thought.’’ he watches your struggle to lick the remains of the cream, so he leans and cleans the corner of your lips with his thumb. Brain freezes for a couple of minutes as his tongue curls around the thumb, leaving nothing behind. ‘‘Why- erm- why the apricot danish, though?’’ 

He leans closer, elbows rest on the table as the voluptuous eyes lure in you, stomach makes a funny flip at the way his stare goes between your eyes and the now chewed lips. Voice low and rough, it’s enough to have you clenching your walls. 

‘‘I wanted you to experience how it feels to eat me, as I always do the eating out.’’ unnecessarily bold words has you gasping, crumbles of the pastry goes to the wrong pipe and you almost choke. 

Wine nearly dries off when you clash the glass to your mouth, drinking it to ease the coughing. Namjoon watches all of these very calm, grin sneaky on his mouth. The back of his head was busy with what he prepared for later that night, in your bedroom. 

While you were still dizzy with the image of tonight's fighting, the duality he was showing was whirling your head, tongue feels lull, eyes burning from behind. And you loved how he makes you weak in and out. A toy at the end of his words. You pressed your thighs together to reduce the ache, and it barely helped. All you can think of is now his sweat glistening muscled back, your nails adding sweet crimsons to the palette, tongues ferociously devouring each other, breaths loud enough for your neighbour to hear as he takes you down-

‘‘S-so, you are the desert itself?’’ 

As the images flashing behind your head having you too hot, you had to cut it with blurting out the first thing that related to the topic but away enough to get you cold, again. Though, your voice did come out weird, high and distracted. 

Amusement tangled on the line of your boyfriend, his smirk only adds gasoline to your fire. And you visibly could see the reflection of the sharp edged flames by his eyes. To your liking, he didn’t force more and nods while explaining.

‘‘Well, you always refer to my dimples as apricots and we can agree that my personality kind of bittersweet as the cheese cream and when you mix them-’’ he abruptly stops and opens his hands in front of his face, resembling a blooming flower. ‘‘Voila! A complete pastry that you can enjoy.’’ Suspicious enough, his features change. As innocent as he can, he looks at you with wide, shining orbs and the man who teases you, almost chokes you down with his words now nowhere to be seen. Like he was never there at first. And this was exactly what was fucking you up every time his duality slips. Like he wasn’t the one who was breaking bones as they were chips, washing the scarlet down from his flesh, mounting behind you like he was the animal. Would growl, bite the thin skin over your neck so severely that it would bloom purple and yellow for the whole week and maybe more- 

This time, to capture your slipped attention, Namjoon had to wave his hand inches away from your blushed face. You had to swallow down hard as the cock of his brow openly, showing that he knew exactly what your dirty mind was busy with. And the tongue poking his cheek from inside always enough to have you drooling, as the air is getting thick and bothering you have to drink another sip of wine. 

‘‘Clear as glass, your mind can’t stop thinking what I can and will do to you. So, I want to make it obvious that at least one of us tried to be kind today.’’ the index finger pointing himself, he smiled one more time before his eyes went deep black. Shaking you in and out. And your mind wandered around the thought of you getting under the table just so you could hump on his leg as long as he lets you. But the tone of his coming words warned you before you can lose on the thought. ‘‘Now, I want you to go in there, and wait for me. That’s something you can do?’’ 

Behind your fluttering eyelids, your eyes trailed where his finger pointed, the mutual bedroom, and back his face. As the tone and the words enough for you to understand who was sitting in front of you now wasn’t just Namjoon. 

He was the Chopper. 

Merciless, brutal, bruising. 

The Chopper and his killer hands, choker fingers, cutting teeth. 

Everything you wanted and more. Everything you can’t even dream of. 

‘‘Y-yes. Yes, I can do that, Master.’’ the name enjoys the man, he feels proud that you can go into submissiveness even before he says much. In the end, he did train you for that, and he did it well because now, you are on your feet, walking further to the room he pointed by tripping over your shoe just once. 

It’s another whiplash for you to go into your room and find a black hook, secured to your ceiling after you turn the lights on. It wasn’t there before, was it? You’d have known if you had something like that on your ceiling because weird as ever, you stare there too much. Whether when you were overthinking or just dazed upon. Shaking your thoughts away, you forced yourself to focus on the hook again. Because obviously, it wasn’t the best time to think what you were doing in your seperate time as you had a fucking hook over your head, and a Master inside. 

‘‘That’s right.’’ well, he wasn’t sitting on the table inside like you guessed as his breath is tickling behind your ear. ‘‘I will hang you there, in the middle of our room, all tied up, helpless, and then-’’ with the connection of his skin on your sides, not so high from your hips, you shut your eyes and leaned back. He grabs your skin hard enough to draw a whimper, before continuing. ‘‘Eat your pretty cunt until you cry, overwhelmed. Then, gonna fuck you again, again and again, for you to cry even more. How that sounds, pet?’’ 

The last part putting chills all over your skin, you tremble under his embrace. Voice so controlled, husky, dizzying that your knees ready to give up just from that. Years after, the impact of his words never faded. 

‘‘Sounds… s-sounds good, Master. Sounds so good.’’ even though knowing you shouldn’t, your hands at your side, burns with the need of holding him close so you can brush your ass over his crotch to get a friction. It feels so empty, and that can push you into a stage where it drives you mad. ‘‘Please-’’

‘‘As a pet, don’t you think you talk too much even though no one asks you anything?’’ 

It hits as sharp as a whip to the gut, with the shame of making your Master angry, you feel like crying. But you only nod and utter certain words. ‘‘Yes, Master. I’m sorry.’’ 

Then, everything starts and goes so smoothly. The acts are unrushed, familiar, thrilling in a way that your stomach feels like a cheerleader and doing some flips over and over again. It even causes another rush of dizziness to you more. You’ve got used to feeling his hands on you, on the skin, so elegant yet enough to break, but against his smooth touch, the rope now covering your body, restrains your arms on your back in a very aesthetic way, has your heart fluttering its wings.  

His silent grunt reaches your ears weakly when he finishes with the last knot, and now you are bare as ever, helpless, and in his mercy. 

Before he talks, his kiss on the neck is full of lusciousness. ‘‘Just one last step, and then you will be my dessert for tonight.’’ nothing higher than a whisper, his words have you gasping. Nowhere on your body left unaffected by the sinister’s great word play. Behind your back, Namjoon’s eyes are going deeper and darker, stars glowing with lust in them, and you don’t need to see them to know it. Witnessing and memorizing the reactions, the actions of his body came at the same time with the hasty need you had for him, and it goes for both of you. 

So, when he finally finishes with you tied and hanged, you know his tongue rolled over his sharky-white teeth. 

‘‘Does anything bother you, baby? Something too tight, or loose maybe?’’ 

Safety is the thing Namjoon values much, even though you love it when he loses control and attacks you like an animal in bloodlust, you still stop and check yourself. Floor is a ghost for your toes, barely there for you to hold on to, everything seems fine when you try to escape, writhing in the trap of him, purposely trying to hurt yourself by the ropes but nothing hurts. At least nothing hurts that much because you like it when things hurt. Especially the thing standing behind your back, hovering over you, touch of his lips wet and affectionate on the flushed skin.  

Finally, Namjoon gets his answer. ‘‘Nothing hurts, Master. Thank you.’’ 

And he laughs at that. Not too much but enough to draw a sound between his teeth. ‘‘Always so good, so grateful to his Master, aren’t you little pet?’’ a tiny slap on your bare asscheek and you answer him with a breathy yes, master. 

Namjoon’s fingers move slowly, like in an exploration. First on your shoulders, nail drawing red where it touches, a thin line of tiny bruises. It goes all the way down from your shoulders to your hips, plays around the rope where it slightly covers your breast, capturing them in their own triangle shaped ropes. When he stops to draw circles inches high between your legs, you jerk your hips and that causes you to lose your balance. 

‘‘We are so responsive today.’’ he chuckles but it dies with the bite of his nails on the same spot as he positions you back. ‘‘So out of manners, can’t even stay still for Master. You are being useless like this, and I don’t like to play with a pet that has an empty skull. But you already know it, don’t you?’’ 

His nails are still digging your skin, it brings tears to your eyes and you nod. ‘‘I-I know, I’m sorry.’’ 

‘‘Apologizing won’t work if you continue to act like a ill-behaved toy.’’ to underline his anger, he lands another slap on your ass but this time it burns. And it takes all your effort to not writhe under it. 

‘‘I won’t do it again-’’ 

Another hit encourages your first tear to roll over to leave a wet trail on your face. Skin burning, itching, but all you feel is ecstasy to have more. To him, you shouldn’t enjoy it when he tries to punish you for not behaving right, but you can’t help it. Every strike, every killing hit brings shameless joy in you and you just can’t get enough. 

His octopus tattooed hand grabs over the bruised skin. ‘‘Are you enjoying this? Did I corrupt you that much, Puppy?’’ he snickers, teeth biting the flesh of your neck and you let your head rest on his shoulder. A similar smile tugs on your mouth, another tear goes down. 

‘‘I love it when Master hurts me. It feels too good.’’ 

Sounds sick, but there is no use of hiding the truth. Licking over the bite he gave you, Namjoon replies with the remain of his smile appearing on his words. ‘‘Oh, I know that baby. I know how you look stunning in red. All smiley with tears.’’ 

You giggle as his fingers go lower, playing with the skin of your slit. Though, you stay still. No matter how much it tickles when your blood rushes over there, even when his finger finds your needy clit. Already throbbing in bliss, you stay still. Though, even when he says you shouldn’t move, he likes to make a trembling mess out of you. Maybe it’s wrong to feel, but your tears give him unbearable joy. If the cry was caused by him, though. Otherwise, he could fuck up if someone even cause your lip to tremble which he proved that, many times. 

With hands tied up behind, you have too little mobility. Plus, your toes barely touch the floor, so even when he starts to rub your clit, you can only thrash as a response. Moaning after every rude circle, the heat was building fast and heavy in your stomach. Soft kisses on your neck turn into wet ones, and include his teeth. Available other hand goes up to hang around your breasts, toying around the now hardened buds, pulling when you least expect, and earning another choked moan. 

His very clothed body against your naked one creates a big contrast, a visible sample to show who is in charge, but you can feel how ready he is behind his clothes, his groin hard and furious as he rubs it on your hips with controlled movements. And every rub remanding how empty you are, his fingers above your clit making it even worse as it builds the sweet coil inside, inches high from your stomach. 

Pushing your hips back, you pleaded, voice all broken. ‘‘Feels.. feels so empty. P-please fill me, Master.’’ 

His fingers at your entrance, plays with your mind to believe he would push them in. You gasp as he just pushes his thick digits inches, mocks you with a laugh as he takes them back right away. 

‘‘Asking so cute and docile, yet you will feel that a bit more.’’ 

And you whine loud, not in a rebellious way but much like in need. Which, that is what you are, a needy mess as you were dreaming of him from the start of this day, seeing him half naked, angry, in an act of violence, drenched in sweat. Today was a torture, and Namjoon contunied the ruthless game. Rubbing, pulling, twisting every tender spot, your nipples, clit, inside your thighs, over your stomach. Every inch of you tortured, played by him, and it was going to continue as you heard a rustle behind you. His hands stopping on your thighs, he sighs. 

‘‘Fuck, my pet looks so tasty, all wet and ready.’’ your walls dripping, Namjoon licks his lips as the sight has him hungry. The pink skin nearly drooling in front of his sight, he was beyond ready to eat you, drink everything you give.

Like a starved man, on his knees, he takes a lick from you. The taste whirling his head, he growls, holding you tighter in his palms while you try to chase his tongue. Sob so agonized as it leaves your lips. 

But when his tongue finally finds the throbbing core, in relief and heat you let your head fall back. Wanting to clench your palms but the robes won’t let it as he tied some of your fingers, too, only to leave you more desperate. So you whine even more when his tongue pokes your insides, not entering but enough to shake your legs, swirl your head and to lose your breath into the room. Humiliating as ever, every swirl of his tongue pulls another cry, another tear, and his name the only thing that spills from your lips. 

Mind blinded by one thing. And it’s just The Chopper. 

His hot tongue. 

Tickling hair. 

Bruising hold.

Bite over your skin, here and there had you whimper repedately. The rich ardor boiling high, ready to explode as he circles, and circles, and circles his tongue over your clit- 

His lips lock around the frantic nub- 

And it causes you to lose yourself in the consuming delight, coming on his face as he starts to suck your clit. Toes curling, thighs trembling as the sharp euphoria boils in your veins, blood pumping faster as your eyes go behind your head. 

But Namjoon won’t stop until he catches every drip, sucking the spent bud, pushes you to the edge of overstimulation and your cries won’t work, either. 

‘‘Please, please, Master please,’’ is all you can say without even knowing what you were begging for. 

Which this is all you losing control more and more, limbs going weak, head dibs into the thick, blurry stage where the only thing you want is Namjoon. The only thing you need, the only thing you feel covered by him and you fell into the substage where he has you in his palm. To use it on behalf of both you and himself. To bring joy in your submissive brain with his domineering talks, touches, attacks. You were coming down from your first high, but already lost on the sensation where everything just started. The Chopper’s tongue cleaning the remains of your climax off your inner thighs, he gets on his feet after leaving two specific bruises, red and purple, by sucking the flesh hard and deep. 

‘‘I made you come but you still beg for more? One high isn’t enough for a slut like you, hm?’’ next, his fingers shove into your hair, pulling by the roots rough. ‘‘Nothing enough unless you have my cock in you, you greedy bitch.’’ 

Words nothing but like slaps landing on your face, your breath hitches under your moan. It should feel wrong to get off on hearing these, but the words throbs where you need the most. 

Fist to the gut, but the pain that comes with it is a bliss. 

Vulgar, yet caring your needs like a feather on the skin. 

Shady, vehement, maybe even tainted but you can’t stop loving that it cuts your heart and brings wings out of the wounds. It may be bleeding, but bandages have flowers on them. 

On your toes, it has all your effort but you manage to push your ass high, right on his crotch to tease, touches nothing more than a wind on the hair, you still giggle as he grunts and pulls your head back. The angle wicked as your neck looks like it’s going to give up, you whimper low by the pain. 

Sick smile still tugged on your mouth. ‘‘Yes, yes that’s true. Your pet is all empty, needy. Need you to mark her like you would mark your territory, Master. Your pet needs your cum on her.’’ maybe it is because of the words you just said, or the pout on your lips, Namjoon growls like an animal, hands grabbing every available flesh, pulling, clawing as he wants to tore your skin off and reach your soul to corrupt it visibly like he didn’t break you already. 

Then he bites down the skin between your neck and shoulder, enough to draw blood. 

‘‘My territory?’’ he spits. He sounds outraged, and even though you said things enough to get him angry, the shade of joy is still in his tone so you know he also likes how you provocate him. ‘‘Well, after all a pet should be treated the way it deserves.’’ 

Humiliation burns hot red, you squirms at the words. A need of holding on to something is increasing in you as after coming down by your high never stopped being tiring. With him, it’s like you feel everything ten times harder, deeper, and undoubtedly better. However, it only causes you to want more, never having enough of the things he gives. And you had a whole night to consume one another. 

When he talks, you see his reflection on your dressing mirror by the corner of your eyes. His hand ready above his belt, lewdness lingers on his smirk. And he looks gorgeous, hovering behind you, huge and sturdy. If you weren’t held by these ropes, your knees would give up many minutes ago. 

‘‘As we are animals tonight, shall we continue our hunt?’’ shaking you from head to toe, he truly looks like a predator with the gaze of a wolf, ready to eat you whole, make a feast out of you. Remains of your ecstasy shines when the light hits his face. A very graphic proof that he is out for hunting. Already captured his prey, and now there is only one thing left to do. 

To devour. 

As he finally releases his dick, it hangs angry and gigantic. The head in a deep red, shows how much he needs to come, it’s already wet, nearly dripping. In awe, and hunger, you watch him kicking his pants aside, taking everything off and leaving himself naked as you. With that, more of his tattoos reach your eyes as they go up and down. Sizing him up like you never see him, truly naked, looking like a partly completed palette with his body covered with so many colors. So many figures, numbers, blacks, reds, blues… 

Having so many things, he creates his noble singularity. Becoming a very special piece of his own. 

A mouth watering sight. All those muscles, buffy chest, eyes that have a hold of your soul, you leak even more. Though, he stays there, enjoys the way you watch him hungrily, as he strokes himself with slow moves. Eyes crossing each other’s paths on the mirror and he cocks a brow before letting his head fall back as he continues to stroke himself. 

His dimples out but from biting his lower, thinned lip and the taste of the pastry he baked blooms at once, covering all over your tongue as you want to dive it in his dimples, cover them wet with sloppy kisses. The thirst distinguishes itself once again. Murky and strong that you have to clench your walls, emptiness drives you mad more as he just continues to pleasuring himself while you literally hang from your ceiling, dirtying all over your carpet with how much you leak desperately. 

As expected, one low keen whimper by him is all it takes for you to let everything aside and submit to his merciless game. Fluttering like a fish on a net, you beg without holding nothing, tears streaming hot and fast. 

‘‘Namjoon, Master, please-... just please can you please fuck me? Please I need this, I need you, please?’’ 

‘‘Oh, was I too intense, maybe?’’ even though he asks as he worries, he still has that goddamn smile while placing himself behind you. Brush of his red skin to your damp pussy has you choke on your breath immediately. The loss of the contact affected you more than you realised and now having him so close feels just like heaven. Or hell. You didn’t care as long as he was there with you, to hold you close, kiss you sloppy, and fuck you like he hates you. 

Nothing mattered as long as you had him. 

Lips over your earlobe, you drip more right on his shaft between your legs. Pulse drums right over the skin where he touches you, teases you, like it’s all your body is waiting for. 

‘‘As you wished, now I will fuck you, darling.’’ teeth licking the skin with a faint press, his fingers go down to adjust himself. He fixes his bulge between the pink lips, not entering but it’s enough for him to rub his dick with what you were leaking, wetting himself to ease the act. 

But after every slow grind, your insides clenches with anticipation, waiting for the damaging push and the frustration grows more and more as you wiggle in his hold. It’s not a surprise how delirious you are just from not having him inside, as the need always wins with its whole glory over every other sense you have. Leaving you completely brainless when things come to the point where you are so desperate to have him in you that you would go on your knees and beg your lungs out for it. Of course, the sex is good, but with Namjoon it’s never only because of it. It’s the way you feel complete, leaving the worries behind and letting yourself completely at his hands. It’s always much better when you have nothing to decide because Namjoon will do that for you, like you couldn’t handle it, like your mind was too useless that he has to deal with everything, and will bring unbelievably severe pleasure with that- 

A sudden pull of his arms tears you away from your thinking. Your back hits his chest, hands settling on your hips as he starts to move further. Filling you full with one move, steady and unrushed. It takes him a couple minutes to fill you wholly as the length meets with your clenching walls inches and inches deeper. 

With every inch, he stretches you more, moans spilling as a mantra by your lips mixed with thank’s and broken Namjoon’s. Eyes rolled back, your heart goes insane in it’s cage, as the feeling of being finally full is the best thing that happens to you, tears of happiness go down one by one. 

Every nerve goes into a very brief shock after meeting with him, muscles strains and eases for a couple of times before he stops fully deep in you. 

‘‘Fuck! You feel so good, so soft, baby.’’ Namjoon hisses, waits only to feel you clenching and unclenching around him. Gives you a minute for you to adjust his length, not wanting to hurt you more than you need. Yet, you barely have a limit for that shit. Like a parrot who doesn’t know what to say other than ‘more’, you always end up repeating it. 

Without spending more time, when he convinces himself that you are ready and on edge from waiting as you cry nonstop for him to move, have his way with you, he does. A long, impelling push steals the breath you had in your lungs, pulling a croaked moan as he doubles his move. Slow rhythm of his stomach meeting with the swell of your ass, the sound of your soaked pussy reacting every push with a desperate squelch, you shut your eyes. 

Nails digging in your skin, it won’t take long for him to fasten. Unrushed grindings turn into famished jams as he shoves himself deep. Burning breath right behind your neck, he sucks the skin until it blooms red from the torment of his teeth, licks the throbbing flesh but not with intention to soothe. 

‘‘Look at you in the mirror, pet.’’ behind his clenched teeth, he commands. ‘‘See how spent...you... look. Just like a dirty cockslut you are,’’ every word coming after a rough pound, they are also as remorseless as his movements. Not giving you a minute to actually look at your reflection, and as much as you see, drool dripping by your lips, makeup ruined by tears, body all red and tormented, you really do look spent. Feel also as your limbs are still lazy after the first orgasm you had. But the rude push only excites you more, delicious high builds once more as every nerve wracking slam gets you wetter. 

Then, his hands leave your hips. One of them finds your throat, the other goes over your mouth, fingers dipping inside without permission. ‘‘Suck.’’ is all he says, harsh and demanding. And you do. 

Tongue curling around the two thick digits as it was his dick instead. Lips sucks hard while you circling your starved muscles around them. More you suck it, lapping your tongue around it, you drool more. Wet patch goes all over your chest from your throat, passing his hand around it. His pace not coming down even for a bit, digits leave your mouth and find your swollen nipple. 

Damp wrap brings chill over your torso, he pinches the poor skin as harsh as his slams. You howl, wiggle in his hold but he stops you with one wild squeeze on your throat. Cutting your breath as he continues assaulting your walls. 

‘‘This is what you’ve been waiting for the whole night, right pet?’’ you try to look at his face but all you see is a blurry sight as the tears won’t let more from that. Though, you are still able to see the way he moves fast. Fast and brutal. The sound of skin hitting skin smacks on the walls, deafens you. ‘‘Hanging around my cock because that’s the only thing you are good at. Being fucked by me, until you stand boneless, brainless, hm?’’ 

You open your mouth to give him an answer but fingers tightening around the darkening skin, only a strangled grunt leaves the lips. 

‘‘Sorry, couldn’t hear it.’’ he says with a wicked smile, biting his bottom lip as he quickens his moves. Hand only loosens when your face turns purple and coughs follow one another. When he lets you breathe, you cough even more as the air burns acidic in your lungs. His fingers pinching, pulling the aching nipples, hand heavy around your throat has you on alert, slams getting more and more deep, angled hitting right on the soft pooled nerves. You found yourself on the edge of another maddening rhapsody. 

Thighs trembling furiously, you try to close your palms mindlessly, clenching your walls around him as he growls low. 

‘‘’M gonna c-cum… S-shit, I-’’ 

Throat trapped in his palm once again, his fingers finds your swollen clit, his impale focused on your sweet spot, he pinches your clit, ‘‘Then cum. Drip all over my cock, slut.’’ he says, pushing you from the edge of the luscious high. 

And you find yourself thrashing, tears filling your mouth, yes, yes, yes’s irritating your own ears as the seventh heaven welcomes you from it’s door. It takes long for you to come from your high as Namjoon continues his brutal actions. Cutting your breath, fucking you merciless, biting down every spot he finds available. Your nerves locked, mind foggy and body tender to any kind of interaction, with three deep, hurtful smack after Namjoon spills white. 

Grunts by his lungs, he fucks his cum into you. Until overstimulation feels too much for himself, he doesn’t mind how loud you cry for him to stop. Because now, everything is beyond feeling sensitive. Every poke of his dick just puts hundred needles on your skin, as you hiccup, saying it’s too much. 

Then with one light smack, he stops. Panthing behind, he stays inside of you, arms covering your body tight in an affectionate embrace. He kisses your neck, down your shoulders, over every mark he left by biting. And with every contact, your body reacts to it by shaking in his hold. Mouth lull, mind too dizzy to voice anything, he grabs your chin to turn your head. 

A soft smile is all you can see behind your tears as he leans to capture your lips in his, ‘‘Happy Valentine’s, my sweet Moonlight.’’ then he pulls you into a sloppy kiss. Tongues curl around one another, drool mixing, lips smacking repeatedly, you whimper as the sensation comes too much. 

After a rough fuck, your mind - and of course your body - finds this affection bizarre and reacts by melting under it. And it goes so long that his lips never leave yours while he sets you free from the hook, torso still tied by the rope but now you sit on his lap, losing yourself into a rousing kiss session. His fingers go up and down on your stomach, sometimes lingers around your nipples to hitch your breath. And it goes on like this until you two burn with need once again. Hard and ready for another all-consuming bliss as he helps you to ride him. 

Holds you by the waist, circles your hips on him as his head rests on the pillow. 

‘‘H-harder. Master please, I need m-more…’’ sobs won’t let you talk more, Namjoon smirks at that. Fingers grabbing you tighter, as he holds you high. 

‘‘Can’t even talk but still cries for more. Tch, always starving for Master’s cock.’’ 

Answering him by nodding, he won’t wait long to fuck you ruthless. Bouncing you on his cock, you mewl, mewl and mewl until he changes the positions to push himself deeper in you. Knees hitting your shoulder, he goes so deep that your eyes roll back until he stops his movements. Your cunt clenched around him to hold him inside, it has him coming thick and lot. Brushing his finger around your clit, rubbing and pulling the wasted bud, you come around him before he goes soft. Panting loud, desperate as everything feels too much, too strong, too surreal. 

So, when Namjoon finally lays beside you, hand patting your hair while he adjusts his breathing, you try to stop crying. 

‘‘Are you okay, baby girl?’’ he asks, a kiss to your temple. Freeing your face from your tears, you see the concern buried deep in his eyes. ‘‘Let me untie you, okay?’’ 

Nodding, you let him pull you on your ass. ‘‘I’m okay… It was just intense.’’ smile wandering on your lips, you continued. ‘‘And amazing. Don’t worry okay? I really do love when you go harsh on me. It was… fascinating.’’ 

Namjoon laughs at your face, all flushed and dreamy like you were still in the heat of your sex. Setting you free from the last knot, he kisses every mark that rope left behind, helps you to move your muscles, clench and unclench your palms to fasten your blood circulation. 

‘‘It’s like you want me to tie you like this all the time, love.’’ Namjoon cocks his brow high, as the smile still lingers on your mouth. 

‘‘Would you?’’ answer coming so fast and full of hope, he has to laugh at your eagerness. You, indeed, would love him to hang you from your ceiling all the time. As you said to him, it was intense, mind-blowing, and you did like it so much. 

Shaking his head, he laughs once again. ‘‘You need to eat some sugar, then we can talk about… this. Okay?’’ he points the hook, you nod at him with a pout on your lips, But he leans and kisses it, massaging your arms. Then he stops abruptly, eyes go wide. 

‘‘Shit. I forgot to water my plants.’’ he then jumps from the bed and rushes to the corner where he kept his plants. 

Rolling your eyes, you let yourself fall on to bed. ‘‘Of course you did.’’ you mumble, watching your boyfriend spraying water at his plants, humming to himself with a heart melting smile tugged on his face. Duality causes you to giggle on your own. There the man who made you choke on your spit moments ago, now with all the care he has, he waters his plants. All naked, and happy. 

Tiny jealousy in your heart, you close your eyes to listen to him humming a song that comes familiar but you are so tired that you can’t find the name. Stretching your arms with all the power you had, as Namjoon talks to his plants with a soft voice. 

‘‘I know it took so long…’’

‘‘Look how grown you are…’’

‘‘Oh, guess we need to change your place, huh?’’ 

You sigh deep, a tiny giddy sense blooms in your chest while your boyfriend’s voice licks behind your ears. A warm smile grows on your face, you think,

Happy Valentine’s, indeed. 

[ruewrites]

Hi, i hope you are doing good. So i had a request, i really like angst and i was reading We're Blooming Togheter (its very good btw) And i was wondering if maybe you could write like an one-shot about Asmo and more about his last partners? Or maybe more about Lucifer taking care of the brothers at such a young age after being abandoned...i just really like angst.

Revisiting Past Ghosts

AO3

WBT

Ship: Solomon/Asmo, Lucifer/Diavolo (more near the end?)

Word Count: 3113

Warnings: Some violence (skip the third snippit)

A/N: Hi Anon! I’m happy that you enjoyed WBT! I really loved writing it! I’m also always willing to write more about it (I want to write more about it too). This ask actually inspired two one-shots? I’m not going to post the second one yet (I want to finish some other requests first) but I hope you like this first one. I was actually playing with some ideas about writing some more for the au and your comment pushed me to do it, so thank you! I hope you enjoy this!

Asmo remembered his first girlfriend finding out about him. Part of him had always known about his own affections,  but it still made him nervous to tell her. She’d seemed so accepting, so supportive. But Asmo quickly regretted the decision. She’d already had a jealous streak. He knew this, and this just seemed to make her lash out at anyone that even dared to look at Asmo in the halls, including his best friend.  It started out as little things that could be excused as accidents, but then Solomon’s number had been blocked on his phone.  

The only reason that they’d started dating in the first place was because they were in similar social circles. She was cute, Asmo was cute, it made sense. He’d been interested at first, but the more he learned about her personality, the less interested he became. Despite how perfect they may have looked to their peers, they clashed on more subjects than they agreed on. 

Their breakup had been ugly, Asmo wouldn’t deny that.They’d gone back and forth fighting about little things that didn’t matter in the long run. 

He’d thought it was over, until he’d seen Solomon’s vandalized locker.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured, a sickness stirring in his stomach. The two of them stayed after school to try to fix whatever damage they could.  There had been horrible notes, drinks thrown onto his text books, lipstick smeared over his notes. Asmo would have thought he would’ve been the target of her anger, but unfortunately this didn’t surprise him. 

“You aren’t responsible for her actions.”

“But she’s obviously still hostile because of me.”

“Stop blaming yourself, you didn’t ruin my locker.” Solomon let out a huff and pushed more sludge into a trash can, “You can’t fix her attitude.”

True but Asmo still felt bad. Things were quiet for a moment as Asmo tried to escape his guilt as he slipped paper towels in between the pages of Solomon’s notes. She’d been flooding his comments, but he didn’t think she’d ever do something like this once they broke up…

He felt Solomon nudge him with his foot, bringing his attention back up. “If you still really feel bad, you could invite me for dinner. You said Lucifer was cooking right?” he smiled. 

Was it simple? Yes. Did it make Asmo feel a little better and maybe even steal a laugh from him? Also yes.

His ex had gotten a new boyfriend eventually. Not that Asmo cared.

Every now and again they would still hiss at each other in the hallway. They’d gotten into a few more fights, mainly over Solomon, and each time Solomon had been the one to pull Asmo away. He hadn’t handled it the best he could have, but it was in the past now. It happened. He didn’t really remember when it all stopped. Eventually they had just sizzled out, going from a raging fire to nothing but smoke and ash.

********

Solomon had just gone home from dropping his assignments off. He promised he’d come back tomorrow, but only if Asmo wanted him too. Asmo had nodded, eyes still red and pillow stained with tears. He genuinely didn’t know what he’d do without Solomon. 

As soon as he was gone, Asmo was left alone with his thoughts again. He knew Solomon had to go home, but he wished he didn’t have to. He didn’t want to be alone. He should go back to school, he really should, but he wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to see his ex. He sobbed into his pillow, gripping it tightly, feeling the fabric become cold beneath his cheeks. It didn’t make sense. He didn’t understand. There wasn’t a reason. 

He did everything he could. He made himself pretty, he got him  the sweetest gifts he could think of, listened to him, cleared his schedule for him… Maybe it still hadn’t been enough. Maybe he could have done more, tried harder. He could have made himself prettier in the mornings or been a little more adoring. Now that it was over, Asmo was making a list of things he could have done better, but it was too late.

He could still remember the last conversation they had and how the bile rose in his throat.

“We need to break up.”

The words had caught Asmo off guard. Everything had seemed to be going fine. They’d never talked about any problems. As far as Asmo had known, they’d been a perfectly happy couple. They did everything happy couples were supposed to do. Asmo did everything a perfect boyfriend was supposed to do.

“But why?” he’d asked, voice already catching in his throat.

“Just ‘cuz Asmo.”

“But-”

“Just. ‘Cuz. Don’t make me spell it out for you.”

Asmo had been snapped at. Asmo hated being yelled at. It made his throat tighten and his body freeze. This wasn’t how this was supposed to be.

“You’re not dumb. You know why.”

But Asmo didn’t know why!

“Wait-”

“I need to go.”

Asmo could feel the mascara running down his face and taste it on his tongue, “Please don’t.”

“Lose my number Asmo.

Then Asmo had been alone. No reason. No explanation. He was just alone sobbing on the sidewalk, looking for an answer he would never get.

He’d been humiliated and broken and he wasn’t sure how to feel. Honestly, he probably would have stayed crying on the sidewalk if Solomon hadn’t found him.

He didn’t want to be alone. He wished Solomon didn’t have to head home.

His door cracked open ever so slightly, and footsteps crossed his room.

“There was ice cream left over in the freezer,” Lucifer seemed a bit awkward, as if he wasn’t sure what to say. He knew Asmo had been broken up with, but he wasn’t exactly sure what to say. It seemed like calling his ex some… choice words had been the wrong decision as Asmo had only cried even harder, defended his ex, and started to blubber about it being all his fault. From there Solomon had taken over and ushered Asmo upstairs.

He’d caught bits and pieces.

I wasn’t good enough. 

I wasn’t pretty enough.

I didn’t love enough.

I wasn’t perfect enough.

Lucifer heard a few other things, but all of these little untruths did nothing but make him angry. He knew his brother, and he knew none of those things were true. He’d seen Asmo interact with his partners, and he did nothing but love them. Perhaps he was a little biased, but he didn’t care.

Asmo sniffled and lifted his head. Ice cream didn’t sound too bad… He wasn’t sure how much of it he could eat, but it was a good breakup food. He sat up a bit and moved closer to his brother. The container was partially full and had brownie chunks mixed in. He leaned against Lucifer’s shoulder and sniffled.  

They sat there in silence,  Asmo wondering why he wasn’t good enough and Lucifer knowing he deserved better.

********

Lucifer was already tense. He could hear the rising voices from the living room. The couple clearly thought they were home alone. Voices rising in the heat of the moment, growing until they reached their inevitable crescendo.

Lucifer saw the slap before he heard it.

A hand brought down onto Asmo’s face. Eyes wide and full of hurt, shock, and embarrassment as tears welled and slowly overflowed onto the floor. He didn’t see Lucifer. It didn’t matter if Lucifer had met the man in his house before this moment. Now he was a stranger, and intruder. He was violating their space, and would be treated as such. 

Before he could disgrace Asmo furthur, Lucifer’s hands were dug into his collar and slamming him harshly against the wall. His vision was clouded with red, lips pulled back in a snarl. Bloodlust clouded his mind.

“How dare you lay a hand on him,” he snarled, grip tightening around his collar, “You have no right to hurt him in any way.”

“Wh-” 

“None.” 

Lucifer vaguely felt the tugging on the back of his clothes, Asmo’s voice no more than a bug flying in his ear. He dropped the man, making sure he stayed between him and his brother.  The fear that Lucifer saw would have been satisfying if not for the situation.

“Leave. If I ever catch you in my home again I will be the last thing you see.”

The man bolted out of the house, Cerberus barking as the door slammed behind him. Lucifer couldn’t relax even with his brother’s soon to be ex gone. His blood was boiling, and Asmo was squirming under his gaze. 

Asmo didn’t think Lucifer was home, he hadn’t thought anyone was home. It was the only reason his boyfriend had wanted to come over in the first place, he wasn’t a big fan of Lucifer or any of Asmo’s brothers really. It was a red flag, one Asmo had seen in the distance. He thought that would resolve over time. Apparently he was wrong.

“He’s not welcome in this family,” Lucifer growled, “No one is to treat you like that.”

Understood?

Lucifer’s tone made Asmo’s skin crawl. He was still trying to process what had happened. His cheek stung, and his eyes were watering. What had they been fighting over? He couldn’t remember. Were they even fighting or had they just started yelling?

Asmo couldn’t help but shrink into himself.

 “Yes.”

His words were soft and barely audible. His mind couldn’t even think about texting Solomon. Where would he even begin?

Lucifer paced around the living room for a moment, muttering to himself. He sounded almost animalistic, so unlike Lucifer. It scared him, the entire situation sent Asmo into a spiral and he wasn’t sure where to go from here. He flinched when Lucifer touched him, and seeing that seemed to make his anger flare again.

Lucifer stared at the mark that started to mar Asmo’s skin before shaking his head and heading off into the kitchen. He returned shortly after and pressed a cold ice pack to Asmo’s face. Hours of silence ticked by. 

Lucifer wanted to press charges.

Lucifer wanted to go after him himself.

Lucifer wanted to bury him deep in the ground with the rest of the spineless worms. 

Asmo told him not to. 

They’d fought about it for a few days, and the relationship had continued for a little longer after that. But eventually, both the argument and the relationship ended.

*********

Lucifer had been looking over one of his cases when Barbatos paged him down. Something about someone wanting to talk with him. While he’d never admit it, his mind hadn’t been focused on his work lately. Something was going on with his brothers, specifically Asmodeus. He’d seemed unusually twitchy and eager up until recently. Now he wouldn’t come out of his room, and he could hear him sniffling. 

 Diavolo’s booming laugh bounced off the walls and was the first thing Lucifer heard before he saw anyone.  Perhaps Diavolo wanted to take the three of them out to lunch again, where Lucifer would then continuously have to check the time and remind Diavolo about PDA as well as Barbatos’ presence.

However, when Lucifer came to Barbato’s desk, he saw a third person that he wasn’t expecting. 

Solomon looked a little frazzled underneath his normally cool composure. He stood stiffly next to Barbatos as Diavolo chattered away. Luciferer spied something pink clasped between fidgeting fingers. 

Barbatos was the first to notice Lucifer’s presence. He made his way over to his side and glanced over towards Solomon and Diavolo. 

“He seems nervous.”

“I noticed.”

“What do you think it’s about?”

 Lucifer hesitated, thinking over his options. Well, he had one idea. If he was correct, it would certainly make everything else fall into place much easier.

“I guess we’ll have to find out won’t we?”

Solomon smiled as he saw Lucifer approaching, causing Diavolo to turn around with a wide grin on his face. 

“Lucifer!” Diavolo chirped, moving closer. He went in for a kiss, but Lucifer stopped him. 

“Later. We have company,” he smiled, patting his boyfriend’s pouting cheek before turning to Solomon. “It’s good to see you Solomon, it’s been a while since we’ve had you at our dinner table.”

“Ah, well, Asmodeus and I have both been busy. We’ve been spending a lot of study time over at my apartment,” he said. Then a small silence stretched on. Solomon looked down at the pink envelope in his hands for a moment and sucked in his breath, “I was actually wondering if you could give something to him.”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. He could feel Diavolo and Barbatos behind him, their intrigue was palpable. Lucifer would be lying if he said he also wasn’t curious about what Solomon had to say. “And why can’t you just give it to him yourself?” he asked.

Solomon stopped for a moment, eyes glancing down at the envelope before smiling.

“Well, I’ve been hiding them in secret and leaving them anonymous, so what fun would it be to just give it to him?”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow and Solomon’s face fell. 

“He also hasn’t been answering my texts,” he admitted, “I just need him to meet me in the park tonight. I-”

Diavolo’s eyes lit up, “Oh Lucifer! I didn’t realize your brother had a boyfriend, and one with such romantic ideas at that.”

Solomon’s face lit up red and his eyes shifted to the side. So, there was something going on between his brother and his brother’s childhood best friend. His memories flashed to Asmo’s exes, the things they’d put him through, the pain they’d caused him. He didn’t want Asmo to live through any of that again, he didn’t want things to go wrong and he certainly didn’t want his brother to go through more heartbreak.

“What if I just told him? You’ve been sending him letters for a while, why not just get it over with?” Lucifer asked. 

Diavolo cut in before Solomon could even give his argument. “Lucifer, why don’t you indulge him?” he asked, “You mentioned that Asmodeus loved romantic things like this. Plus it’s adorable. He’s made this elaborate little plan just for Asmodeus.”

Lucifer hesitated for a moment, thinking his decision over, eyes glued to the envelope. It did seem very… Asmodeus, but could he trust this little romance to not leave Asmodeus crushed? It was a gamble with his brother’s happiness, and the stakes were high.

“It does seem like something Asmodeus would enjoy,” Barbatos cut in, nodding towards the letter, “Plus, you can trust him with his own heart.”

But could he really?

A few more minutes ticked by, Lucifer played with his thoughts. Perhaps he had still been soured by his brother’s last boyfriend. The man hadn’t really left a good impression, and Lucifer didn’t want to see Asmo in that situation again. Asmodeus deserved to thrive and to be loved and cherished. He just wanted what was best for him.

“Alright, I’ll give it to him,” he decided. Solomon’s grin returned as he handed the envelope over. “But,” Lucifer continued, “You’d better treat him well, regardless of what happens. I won’t tolerate anyone disrespecting him.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Solomon smiled, “I promise I’ll take care of him.”

***********

It was late, but Lucifer couldn’t fall back asleep. He  picked up his phone to look at the time.

Three am. 

How was Asmodeus doing? Surely he and Solomon had gotten to their suite a while ago. Maybe he should give him a call. 

Turning onto his side, Lucifer propped himself up and stared at his husband for a moment. Diavolo was curled up on his side, softly snoring away. He wasn’t the most graceful sleeper, but it was still endearing in a way. It was still wonderfully Diavolo.

Kissing Diavolo’s cheek, Lucifer grabbed his phone before heading downstairs. It rang once. Then twice. He wondered for a moment if his brother would even pick up when a tired voice answered.

“Lucifer?”

“Hello Asmodeus,” Lucifer smiled, “Did you arrive alright?”

“Mmm, give me a second, we just… got to sleep.”

There was shifting on the other side of the line, followed by a second voice. It was slightly muddled, but Lucifer knew who it was.

“I’ll be right back Darling… It’s my brother… No no, not Mammon…. Yes Lucifer.... Go back to sleep, I’ll be back soon.”

There were a few other noises. Kisses perhaps? Then more shuffling and a door shutting.

“Sorry brother dearest, Solomon’s rather clingy when it comes to curling up,  I’m lucky I was able to escape to the porch.”

He sounded happy. It made Lucifer’s body relax and a soft smile spread across his face. Asmodeus was in good hands, he was safe, he was going to be cared for. He still remembered how happy Asmo had been showing off his ring, and how much happier he looked at his wedding. It made him feel at peace, knowing he was loved. 

“I assume you’re having a good time then?”

“Oh yes, all the unpacking is done, and we’re planning  on going out and exploring tomorrow,” he chirped.

“You mean you haven’t explored yet?”

“We were unpacking!”

“Unpacking doesn’t take that long Asmodeus.”

“Buuuuuuusssssyyyyyy,” Asmo sang, “Anyways, I’ll make sure to take lots of pictures tomorrow!”

“Good.”

I’m happy you found him.

Silence stretched between them for a moment. Lucifer could hear the ocean in the background.

“I should be getting back to bed, I have a wonderful husband waiting for me and a long day tomorrow.”

“Mmh, now that you mention it, I suppose I should be getting back to someone as well.”

I’m happy he makes you happy.

“Goodnight Lucifer, I love you!”

“Goodnight Asmodeus.”

Lucifer stared at the phone for a few moments more before going back to his bedroom where a warm bed and an adoring husband awaited him. Kissing Diavolo’s cheek once more, Lucifer settled back into bed, feeling his partner shift behind him.

Asmo looked up at the stars and took in the night air before wandering back inside. He barely had time to plug in his phone before Solomon was sucking him back into the bed and covering his skin with kisses. Honestly sometimes Asmo wasn’t sure what to do with all the love Solomon gave him, he doubted that he even deserved it at times. But as they laid together, Asmo knew that this was where he truly belonged. He’d finally found the one. Asmo had had good and bad partners come and go, but Solomon was the one who stayed.

[catzula]

can i req dazai x f!reader where dazai and her are kinda best friends(both of them hv feelings for each other)She’s is v cunning and manipulative using whatever means she can to get informations. They don’t want to confess to each other and they keep their feelings v well & it took one life threatening injury for him to confess to her like she’s at the brink of death fluff ending pls :)) omg this is so detailed

A/N: I’m sorry this took so long to write! Bt ughh, this is my first request, and thank you so much for sending it! Hope you like it :)))

Pairing: Dazai Osamu x fem!Reader

Genre: angst with a good ending

Warnings: mentions of blood, some bad writing here and there, 3k words cuz I have no chill

***

You watched the brunette man as he sipped his drink. You knew you shouldn't watch him like this, should conceal the love that was written all over your face.

He was a smart man, was one of the smartest people you have ever got to know. You knew he could figure the feelings you have harvested towards him if he wanted to, but you were also aware he chose not to notice these feelings that were so dear to you.

It would have been better to be away from him, as far as possible, but you found yourself becoming friends with him, it took only the smallest time before you two became best friends.

"I see you can't take your eyes off of me." He said with a playful wink. He grabbed his drink off the counter and sat on the chair next to you. "I was just wondering when you'll stop staring at me." Your words had a harsher tone than you would have liked, but he understood it anyway.

"But how can I not stare when there's such a beauty in front of me?" You knew these words had no romantic meanings behind them, that they were only a joke.

"Well, that's true."

"Of course it is." He looked at you with an expression you couldn't quite read. You were a natural at reading people, their feelings, and their thoughts, but when it came to Dazai, you were as good as blind. You could never understand what he was thinking, not when he was looking at you this way.

"What is it?" He asked after a few seconds of silence. You two were in a bar, in the middle of a group of people, but it felt like you were alone. How did he understand something was troubling you? How could he read you so good when you couldn't even tell what he felt?

You smiled, a sly smile you wore when you were playing with someone. Dazai didn't miss the smile either, as his playful girn wavered slightly, he eyed you like he was trying to read your mind. "How is work, Dazai? You never tell me anything these days."

"You know I can't afford to take the risk of telling you. I can't tell if you're interested in my life or my secrets." He shrugged as he smiled, and although he had a smile on, you knew he was serious.

"What do you think?" You winked, but you felt a frown tugging on your lips. You drank what's left of the burning liquid in your glass, not letting him see you were hurt. Dazai not trusting you was a wound you had, he was your best friend after all, but you didn't get any say much about it.

You watched as Kunikida started to lecture Atsushi on something, and it was aware that the subject was something Kunikida gave great importance. You laughed at the sight since this scene happened almost every time you were here. You weren't an official part of the armed detective agency, but they often called you in to help with some missions. They were mainly detective work that required someone who could get any information from anyone.

Although you weren't like them, you didn't have abilities as they did, you had something even better. You were good at reading people, leading them, making them think whatever you wanted them to think, and making them believe they were the genius behind the idea.

You were a natural at manipulating people, had a wit that could even put up with Dazai. You were proud of it too, it was how you lived after all, but this meant that no one could trust you. You knew it was frightening to be manipulated like a puppet, but you would have liked people to trust you. At least, for him to trust you.

But it was your fault, too. Dazai did trust you at one point in his life, but when he realized you had been taking information from him to give your boss, it was too late. When he figured it out, he wasn't mad at you, didn't even complain, say anything about it, but he stopped trusting you with his secrets, his thoughts, his feelings.

Dazai knew if he was going to be close to you, he had to conceal everything about himself, the attraction he felt towards you coming in first. When he figured your manipulative, sly personality he was amazed, and he just wanted to be close to you. You were on his mind constantly, even occupying the thoughts of suicide.

He wasn't hurt when you used him for information, it was your nature, and he had grown to love this personality of yours, but he had to close himself towards you too.

He smirked when he saw you looking at him, your eyes wandering over his face, trying to figure out what was on his mind. He was about to say something when Kunikida groaned. "You two stop flirting already! Our guy is here."

The playful mood changed almost instantly. Everyone turned their eyes to the man who had just entered the bar, except for Dazai. You could feel his eyes on you, but you ignored it, focusing on your work.

You looked at the man, analyzing him, figuring a way to approach him. He was probably was in his 20's, wore a tailored suit, an expensive-looking watch and shoes, although the leather shoes were muddy and dirty, a very sharp contrast to his fancy clothes and nicely done hair, indicating he had come here straight after his 'work'.

He was the son of a billionaire, a dirty billionaire who was working with the mafia. The armed detective agency was after some secret files, and all you had to do was to find out where these files were, after that they were going to handle it. You watched as the man sat on the bar seat, ordering whiskey for himself.

You inhaled an anxious breath and gathered up your courage. This wasn't the first time you were doing something like this, but there was always a risk, and you couldn't afford to relax.

You started to walk towards him with a flirty smile, a smile you have mastered in the past years. You sat next to him, touching his arm lightly and making him focus on you. You saw the small gleam on his eyes when his eyes wandered over your body, the black dress you were wearing, your legs, and your breasts.

You smiled. It was going to be easier than you had thought.

~~~

Dazai hated that he had to watch you smile to the man, touch him, get close to him, watch him looking at you like you were meat on a silver plate. His hands brushed your legs experimentally, sometimes wandering a little too much.

You never even glanced once in his way, but he knew it was because you were a professional, and that could lead you to blow your cover. You were the best at what you did, and he was amazed by you, but now it felt like it was burning him inside. Though, that burning sensation could be the alcohol too.

"They're going." Kunikida stood up as you exited the bar and went in his car.

~~~

"I think I drank a little too much." You said with a neatly faked drunken smile, slurring your words on purpose. Your eyes scanned the car in merely seconds, thinking of the possible places he could have hidden the files as he buckled his seatbelt.

You leaned on him, nuzzling your face in his neck as you secretly checked his side of the door to see if the files were there, they were not. "Is your place close?" You asked kissing his neck softly. He chuckled at your needy behavior and started the car. "Don't worry, you're gonna get what you're asking for in a few minutes."

For some reason, that sentence just didn't seem right, but you concealed your worry immediately.

"I- I feel dizzy. Do you have any water?" You asked as you acted to open the glove box. His eyes widened as he tried to stop you from doing so, but you were quicker.

Bingo.

The files were in there, his eyes looked at you cautiously as you pouted slightly. "Ugh, paperwork! How boring." You said as you closed it back, though your heart was racing. You hadn't expected to find them in his car, and you didn't know what you were going to do to get away from him since Kunikida told you he was going to wait for you at his place.

He grinned as he slowed his car. A grin that just didn't sit right with his ignorant attitude, and you shivered but smiled to hide your growing fear.

"Are we at your place already?!" you asked, although you knew you weren't even close to his house. You glanced him sideways only to find him looking at you too. Your heart was beating so fast in your chest, a knot of fear forming in your stomach. "No, we're not."

"But why did we stop? I thought you wanted to-"

"Gotta give you credit. You're an amazing actor. If I didn't know who you were, I would have fallen for this charade instantly." He said, and you noticed his hand going to his back, under his coat. Your eyes widened with fear as you quickly opened your seatbelt and threw yourself out the door, but he caught your arm and pulled you back.

"Oh, no." He said with an expression that sent shivers down your back, his smile reminding you of the Cheshire cat. "You're not going anywhere."

~~~

"Where are they?!" Kunikida said, feeling his worry growing with every passing second. He glanced at the man who sat next to him, a relaxed, uninterested look on his face. But Kunikida knew his friend very well, and he knew Dazai was worried out of his mind.

Dazai knew something was up when you were late. You were never late. He just didn't want to get in the way of your work just because he was jealous, he had noticed his feelings towards you growing, even more, the last few months and Dazai couldn't tell if he was acting irrationally when it was about you. But now it was just too much, he couldn't hold it in anymore and had to find you, or this feeling in his chest was going to kill him.

Dazai stood up, making Kunikida look at him with worried eyes. "Dazai, you cant-" Dazai sent him a look that made Kunikida sure that there was nothing that could stop Dazai now.

Kunikida sighed. "I'm coming with you."

~~~

He had left you on the side of the road as you pressed your hand on your wound, trying to stop the blood. Your hands felt cold, and you couldn't stop them from shaking. Your hands were painted in red, and even though you were dying, you only had one thing, or one person, on your mind. Dazai.

If you closed your eyes, you could almost see his brown eyes looking at you, his lips turned upwards in a playful grin, and you wanted nothing more than for him to be with you now. You wished to tell him how you felt about him, to touch his face, his hair. And most of all, you wanted to at least share one kiss with him before you died.

You felt guilty, dying before him, but your life was draining out of you as your blood escaped your fingers, and you could swear you heard him call your name. Maybe it was your consciousness closing and your mind playing you tricks, but if it was only a dream, you were still glad to have heard his voice one last time.

"No, no, no! Oh shit, Y/N!" Your eyes were closed as you felt foreign hands pressing on your wound, and combing your hair back from your face. Your body was lifted and hugged by arms you have always wished that would hold you.

You gathered your energy to open your eyes, probably for the last time. You were glad you had the strength to do so since you got to see Dazai once again. Though he wasn't smiling, his face was wet because of the tears running down his cheeks. Seeing him crying, you felt like crying too.

You didn't want to die, it was far too early. You had so much that you wanted to do, and now every dream of yours, every thought you had was taken from you. To be aware of the fact that you were never going to be able to do any of these, to know you were never going to make up for your mistakes, never get married, and maybe even have children hurt more than the wound that caused all of this.

And although you didn't have time for anything you wanted to do, there was one exception. There was one thing you could do, and it would be worth everything else.

"I have to tell you something." Your voice was more of a whisper, and you didn't think he had heard you. But he had. "Don't-" he said, unable to hold his tears. "Don't waste your breath now, you'll tell me when you're all better."

You bit your lip, you felt dizzy and knew it was... Close.

"Listen to me." You said, a little stronger this time. Was it selfish what you were doing? Telling him this now, right before you closed your eyes forever, wasn't it selfish? But you had to tell him, selfish or not, you couldn't hold it in. "Dazai-" you said, trying to hold yourself together, "I- I love you."

He hadn't said anything. You couldn't see it then, but it was because he was crying so hard, he was unable to speak. Your body was numb, and you couldn't feel his shoulders shaking. "I'm sorry it had to end like this."

He shook his head side to side, denying to acknowledge that you were slipping to unconsciousness, and he could do nothing to prevent it. "Where is Yosano?!" He screamed at Kunikida, who was watching you from a few meters away. He couldn't gather the courage to see you die.

"She's on her way, she's going to be here in a few minutes." But Kunikida wasn't sure if you even had a few minutes left, and the look he sent to Dazai told that to him too. To this, Dazai inhaled a sharp breath, one filled with worry. He knew if he was going to tell you his true feelings, this could be the last time. And he was tired, tired of acting around you, as he did with everyone else. You were so special to him and he just wanted to be himself around you. Now he didn't know if he was even going to see you again.

His tears slid down his cheek, a single drop touched your now pale face. "I love you too." He said finally, to that you smiled. "I love you- I love you so much. And I... I need you to stay alive, please (Y/N)! I need you to stay with me- as long as we'd like. I can't lose you, I can't lose you to death, to something I have wanted for so long but now... All I want is you."

He went on rambling, not even noticing your eyes were closed and that you were no longer conscious.

~~~

Dazai couldn't remember what happened that night, after his confession. He had only flashbacks of that night, Dazai remembered Kunikida ripping your then oddly heavy body away from his arms, yelling, trying to get you back. From him, from death.

He remembers sitting on the red-stained ground, sobbing, crying as he had never done before.

He remembers Kunikida, who was secretly crying too, trying to lift him to his legs, but Dazai didn't have the strength to stand up.

And now he was sitting at the office, his head buried in his hands, a deadly headache making him groan in pain. Atsumi had tried to approach him, asking him if he was okay, but it took one look from Dazai to send him back to where he was sitting. No one dared to draw closer to him, not when he was in this situation.

His bandages were soaked in blood, your blood, and he couldn't find it in himself to renew them. All he could do was to lift his head when he heard a door open, and every time it was someone else at the door, his body slumped back on the seat he was sitting, feeling even more hopeless.

It wasn't supposed to take this long, he knew how Yosano worked, and it never lasted this much.

So when she opened the door to her infirmary, covered in blood, he thought his heart was going to stop beating. The tired look on her face didn't tell him much either.

"She is sleeping." She said finally. "But she will be okay."

These words felt like heaven to him, and to everyone else that was in the buro. "She- she is alive?" Dazai finally broke the silence, and she shot him an annoyed look. "I just told you she is-" But before she even finished her sentence, a thump came from Dazai's direction, and for the first time in their lives, the armed detective agency witnessed Dazai passing out.

~~~

You slept for almost a week, though it felt like years to Dazai.

He was playing with his bandages when Kunikida entered the room in search of him. When Dazai looked at him with his now almost dead-looking brown eyes, Kunikida shuddered. "She's awake."

These words brought the light back in his eyes in almost an instant. Dazai stood up on his legs and practically ran out of the room.

He had not once gathered the courage to enter your room. He just couldn't bear the thought of seeing you in those covers would be the last time he would see you, and Dazai couldn't afford to have that sight of you to be the very last memory he had of you.

He loved you, but before that, you were his best friend. You were the person he would come to when he didn't feel good, the person he could just sit next to, not needing to say anything.

And embraced with the memories of you, he opened the door.

You were practically lost between the sheets, looked so small and so fragile, his heart ached with the sight.

When your eyes found him, a smile formed on your face. Dazai didn't know what to say, and it seemed like you didn't either. So after a few awkward seconds, you finally said, "I heard you fainted."

He was so tense that he couldn't hold back the laughter that bubbled up inside him. He tried to suppress it, but he couldn't hold it even for a second as his laughter ringed inside the room.

To that, you started to laugh too. It started as a giggle but turned into laughter in merely seconds. When your laughs both finally died, an awkward feeling took over the room. You were both thinking about the same thing, and it just felt odd.

"Did you mean it?" You finally gathered your courage and asked. His chocolate brown eyes found yours, and for the first time, you could see his feelings in his eyes, you could understand what he was thinking.

You felt a warm sensation in your chest, making you all fuzzy and giddy. "I did mean it. Every single word." He didn't say it, but you knew he was asking you the same thing. "Me too." You answered his silent question, and he smiled. It was a sincere, beautiful smile.

[yanderecandystore]

Umm so I need feels, (it mainly cuz I cried a bit thinking about it.) Buddy and Black get into a fight while everyone is asleep. (Insert reason here) Buddy gets injured and hides away. Like really hides. Buddy isnt in the vents or somewhere in plain sight. Even Black can't sniff him out. No matter how much s/o shakes his food, tells the promise of treats and toys Buddy not coming out and they fear the worst. Red and Black "comfort" them in a bittersweet kinda of way. -cold anon

Oh boo, that's so sad D:

TW/Tags: some angst I guess // I've been trying my hardest to write yet I haven't been able to do much, I'm really sorry for the quality of this boo //

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Come on, buddy… [Yandere!Among Us x Reader - Headcanon]:

"- Buddy?" "- Buddy!" "- Come on, doggie come back!"

The multiple voices of every single one of your crewmates looking for your dog filled the spaceship. You still ran trying to find some sort of clue that could lead you to him, yet you didn't find anything.

Your best friend and trusty companion had simply gone missing out of nowhere! Everyone was sleeping so no one had any idea of what could have happened. It was like your dog had simply vanished from the ship, which brought a lot of questions and a twisted idea of what could have happened.

Could it be that the culprit behind the killings was now after your pets too? Could the culprit be so heartless to the point of hurting your good boy??

And, if they did hurt him… Could they hurt others too? The other aliens, the hamsters, the children???

"- Is it possible for a creature so terrible to exist?" You asked the couple that was accompanying you in your search for the doggie.

"- Ouch." Black winced at your comment. Damn, that hurt [Y/N]! You were about to ask them what was wrong, but Red had come into view, saying his own theories about the situation.

"- Oh- But- It could have been all an accident [Y/N], right Black?" Red had elbowed Black pretty harshly when finishing his sentence. Black had gone out of his way to hunt your dog and hurt him without considering the possibility of this scenario happening!

They were reckless, and now you're scared and sad because of them! Every single person on this infernal spaceship is now searching for your dog, and Black and Mini Red can't feed themselves while everyone is paying close attention to their surroundings.

Red had a long, really long talk with their partner about how they should never take actions without thinking about all the consequences first. And Red also patted the big whining monster in the head, since they couldn't stay mad at their lover for too long. Still, the deed was done and now everyone was looking for that little bastard.

"- What do you mean Red?" You ask, genuinely not understanding what your crewmate was talking about.

"- Well, maybe your dog just ran away! I mean, we all know that the imposter doing the killings would never kill an innocent little creature like your little buddy!" Red said, overly excited, trying to pass their own happiness to you by their words, hoping your mood would get better just as easily as that.

Red had a point. Whoever the culprit is, have made a promise to never hurt the children and pets, as they have always left them alone wiping for their lost ones. How merciful.

"- Well…. Sigh, I- I have a reason to think it was the imposter." You said while remembering the fact that indeed, there was only one person that could be behind all of this. And if your theory is true, then… Your dog….

"- Buddy wouldn't have ran away like that. Something must have scared him, he- he is a really smart dog! I know he must have seen something, or maybe someone, and then he ran away looking for safety."

Oh dearest…. The stars have blessed you with beauty and brains, but this is the worst possible time for your brain to be working so efficiently like that! You're onto something and you know it.

"- I- Wait- Do you guys-" You look at them, seeing their distressed faces trying to smile at you like nothing is happening- "- Oh no. You think it too, right?"

"- T-Think what, [Y/N]?" Black was panicking, God, do they wish to go back in time and never had chased the mutt! Red was trying to keep their shit together, but obviously, they couldn't.

"- That… That I could be the last victim…" You answered while connecting the last dots on your mind. It all makes sense now! Buddy always sleeps with you in your bedroom, maybe he had seen something and wanted to distract the culprit away from you! That's the only conclusion that seems plausible to you.

Your good boy had tried to protect you… Had he- Had he been doing this ever since the beginning?? Had he tried to warn you about the dangers lurking in??

"- Buddy.." You whisper with tears threatening to fall under your eyes. Your head was being overrun with your own theories and ideas about the incident. Your partner had probably been hurt by the monster while you were sleeping, you really did a terrible job at protecting him, like you promised.

"- H-Hey! Come on now! You can't b-blame this all on yourself! Look, I'm sure the dog just went on his little adventures around the ship, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about!" Red came towards you placing you in their arms. Yes, yes they were planning on doing this ever since they saw you concerned over your dog's disappearance.

"- As Red said, I think you're overthinking the situation. No one wants to hurt you." Black tried comforting you while embracing you in their much bigger form. This was not the appropriate time for crushing over you, yet they couldn't help but notice how well you fitted in-between them.

"- H-How are you sure?" You asked, trembling. Your life and your dog's life was being put at risk by a creature impersonating one of your crewmates, one of your friends.

"- Why would they?" Black caressed your cheek while smudging the tear away from your beautiful face. They can't tell you but at least hope you trust them enough when they say that truly, they would never, ever hurt.

You feel a little offended by how they mention your dog as a simple mutt, your Buddy is the best boy in the entire spaceship! Yet, maybe they do have a point, you're overthinking this too much.

Sigh… Honestly? You just hope he is safe wherever the hell he is hiding.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[moral-turpitudes]

Letting Go:

Trigger Warnings: Um Angst...and some Mutual Pining? 

Word Count: 2,276

Characters: Michael Gray x Reader

+ Polly Gray, Gina Gray.

Request: “Okay so I just came up with the idea for Michael Gray x Reader, where Michael leaves for America and comes back with Gina, and the reader learns about it and is pissed with him cause he didn’t want to “get involved” but comes back with a wife...I don’t know the ending, it may be sad or happy :) Thank you love!”

Requested by: @msbzowy​

I apologize for it taking me so long, it’s been a crazy month or so lol. I actually really liked this bc it helped me get out my own feels about a much more less dramatic situation lol. Also I liked how your idea focused on this part in the show because Michael kinda really did that one girl dirty, leaving her to have her procedure done and then later turning around and having a kid w Gina...like lol the audacity. (I realize time had passed and he’s allowed to change throughout the shows timeline but it still rubbed me the wrong way a tiny bit cuz I felt bad for that girl he had a fling with. Lol don’t come for my neck plz guys).

Summary: Y/N has no more time for fuckboys.

You felt your breath hitch in your throat as you watched the ship depart, taking your heart with it. The steam rolling out the top as it loudly groaned to life and set sail for America. You sat there until it disappeared, accepting the fact you’d never see the one you loved again.

Michael had been sent off to America for “business” purposes, much to you and his mother Polly’s dismay. You had been close to him ever since he met you at the Garrison two years ago, slowly integrating you into his life and into Polly’s as well. He always tried to keep you from the peaky business that went on, but with you being stubborn, it led you to working as a secretary for the Shelby’s and joining Michael on business runs on occasion. Giving you both some quality time together, despite neither of you admitting your feelings. You were shocked at first as Polly had hired you after seeing how you interacted with everyone else, and so when they shipped him off right under your nose you were taken aback, and downright furious.

Furious at the fact that Tommy would send him away without as much as a phone call briefly explaining the details, and furious at Michael for saying “I’m doing this for the business Y/N. It’s not you, it’s just that I’m not wanting to get involved in anything right now. It’s better if I go at this alone now.”

He said this to you at the dock, you could see in his eyes that he didn’t mean that, like it was scripted from the devil himself and he was just following along. His eyes bore into yours and he left you with nothing but a light hug and a soft kiss on your forehead.

The ghost of his kiss lingered there until the stars appeared, hinting that it was best for you to go home, away from the eerie calmness of the shipping docks.

You had let your frustrations be known before you drove Michael to the dock earlier, yelling at Tommy in front of everyone in the shop before grabbing Michael’s hand and leading him out to the car.

As much as you wanted to walk in now and pick up your work where you left off, you took a long look at the shop and drove on back to your apartment, not bothering to let anyone know your plans for the work week.

When you awoke the next day, your head buzzed and your eyes were brimmed with red streaks as you’d cried yourself to sleep. Mad at yourself that you didn’t flat out tell him you loved him like you had meant to, and mad at him that he’d lie to your face, even after all you’ve seen each other through.

A year had passed and you’d bitterly kept your job as one of their head secretaries, staying mainly for the money it brought in. Avoiding Tommy when you could, and tolerating the others as they made their rounds throughout the shop each day. Polly knew how you’d felt early on, seeing how Michael would light up when you were around, and she’d always tell him after you’d leave their house that he’d better tell you how he felt before you found someone else, but neither of you expected the tables to turn like they did.

On a cold dreary night you walked down to the Garrison, deciding to warm up with a couple of drinks before heading home. Polly had joined you, seeing as you were the only one she consistently worked with and genuinely liked in the whole office.

“Maybe if I drink enough I’ll forget...you know? Just for one night I’d like to forget...” You said, nursing a glass of wine.

“I know dear. He’ll realize it eventually. I wish he would’ve taken my advice. You were good for him...you still are.” She said.

You smirked and looked down at the dark red drink, seeing your tired reflection in it.

As you stared around aimlessly, your attention was caught by a man in a top hat walking in with a short haired blonde woman, not much older than you. She had a on a silvery blue dress and a brown fur coat, and the man had a nice dress suit on, looking oddly familiar in the distance. As they walked towards the bar, your heart dropped as you recognized the man, snaking his arm around the woman’s waist as she ordered them both drinks at the bar.

Polly gently took your hand that was clenched into a fist, speaking sternly next to you.

“Y/N...I’m just as shocked as you are right now but this is not the time nor the place. Let me do the talking if they come over.” She said.

You just shook your head and quickly drank the rest of your wine, desperately hoping it was a dream-or more so a nightmare.

Michael walked over, his eyes going wide as he took in the sight of his mom and you at the bar, immediately locking eyes with Polly.

He knew he couldn’t escape his mom so he reluctantly brought the girl over, clearing his throat before saying hello.

“Hello mum, didn’t think you’d be here this late.” He said.

She looked at him and gave him a small smile, hugging her son for the first time in a year.

“Hello Michael....who’s this?” She asked as you turned away, pouring yourself more wine.

“Mum...this is...my wife Gina. Gina Gray...” He said looking at her and smiling, trying hard not to look in your direction.

“Oh how lovely... I guess the family invitations got lost in the mail...what a shame.” She said before gently giving Gina a quick, emotionless hug.

“We just wanted to get it over with. Being in love and all... You know how that is...It’s so nice to meet ya Mrs. Gray.” She said, her accent doing a number on your ear drums as she shook Pollys hand.

“I’m sorry if we disturbed you and...Y/N...?” Michael asked, pointing over to you as you turned around as if on cue. You took a deep breath before putting your glass down, glaring into him as you put on the best fake smile you could manage.

“Michael! Hello! It’s been too long.....” You began, feeling yourself lose your cool. Polly sighed as you continued, not letting Michael get a word in edgewise.

“You May think I’ve forgotten...but you and me both know you wanted to be together, but you just didn’t have the balls to say it. And to think I was going to tell you that day as well....right before you went on that ship......things really do work in mysterious ways...” You said shaking your head and looking at him with pity before inching closer to Gina.

“My name is Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N. We go way back my dear. Welcome to the family...” You said before mouthing a goodbye to a frustrated Polly and giving her a tight hug before heading out, stopping a few feet away from Gina once again. “....oh and good luck sweetheart, this one’s a real piece of work.” You said pointing to Michael and winking before walking out the door, leaving it slamming against its frame behind you.

You ran quickly over to the shop, your heart racing as you went into the bathroom. You were a bit buzzed, but that didn’t stop you from ruminating over what just happened.

Tears stained your face as your tired eyes looked in the mirror, your cheeks heating up as the heat from the building warmed your numb face.

As you wiped your tears you heard the door open slightly, Ada walking in and eyeing you suspiciously. Everyone knew you and Michael had had a thing for each other until now unfortunately, and Tommy being the devil he is, thought you’d take him away from his business duties, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. If only he’d let him stay, this would all be different. You’d be wearing a fur coat and a shimmering diamond on your finger right now, but instead you were drunkenly crying in the restroom of the shop that held so many memories.

“Hey....are you okay Y/N? What’s wrong?” Ada asked coming to sit with you on the cold tile floor. Besides Polly, she was the only other person you were friends with while working there.

“Why don’t ya see for yourself...? I’m sure he’ll call a meeting tomorrow to tell everyone all about it.” You said wiping your tears away and heading for the door.

“Who’s gonna call a meeting Y/N?” She asked concerned.

“Michael. He’s back. I’ll see you around Ada...I’ll try to write to you soon.” You said shortly, pulling her into a hug before leaving the shop for what you’d hoped would be the last time.

You felt the cool air on your cheeks as you got in your car and drove home. Your mind racing about what your next steps would be, your heart breaking with each second that passed while being in the same town as him. You wanted nothing more than to go somewhere not because your were forced to, like him, but because you wanted to. You spent so much time pining for a man who never had the balls to say three simple words. So when you got to your quaint apartment, you packed your bags, preparing to leave for London with all the money you had, ready to leave the past behind.

Back at the Garrison, Michael was left in an awkward position after you left, Gina shooting him a worried glance as she held onto his arm.

“Well that was rude of her...” Michael said and Gina nodded. Polly lit a cigarette as she turned towards him.

“Not entirely...” she said pulling him closer to her as she whispered.

“I’d advise you to talk to her, if she hasn’t left Small Heath already. But...you’re not one for taking advice my sweet boy...” Polly said, giving him a hug and flashing a fake smile towards Gina before heading back to the shop.

Low and behold the next day, Michael surprised everyone at the shop by calling everyone to a meeting, leaving the whole family shocked to say the least.

Tommy took one look at Gina and knew she’d be trouble, as he at least didn’t want to vomit every time he met eyes with you. To him you weren’t half bad, you just had a mean streak reserved for him ever since he had sent Michael away.

You had called him personally last night while he was home. Swallowing your pride and letting yourself and your qualms with him go.

“Hi it’s Y/N. I’m sorry this is late, but I’m calling to let you know that after some recent events and careful consideration, I’d...rather not be under your employment anymore Mr. Shelby. I’m grateful for your help and for your family all these years, but some things are meant to be left in the past, some people...actually...You’ll know what I’m talking about tomorrow. Goodnight Mr. Shelby.” You said quickly, before he could say anything.

You quickly packed the rest of your things, and went to bed. Mentally prepping yourself for waking up early to make the necessary housing arrangements and bank notices.

You awoke at 6am, racing with your car already packed, to discuss the selling of your apartment as you were planning on leaving the place as-is for whoever may need it next. They quickly found someone who had been in their list and you had the money in your pocket by noon. After that, you called Polly to meet you somewhere discreet.

“I can’t believe it Y/N. You’re really leaving?” She asked, handing you your last paycheck. Her nerves frazzled by this mornings meeting and last night’s incident.

“Yes. I’m not going to stay in a place where I’m not valued. It may be dramatic Poll, but I think this is the start I’ve been needing. I want to live for me. I want to be intentional with someone who intentionally loves me too, who’ll actually say how they feel even if it’s the last thing I hear from them...But just know I’ll write you and Ada and the others often. I’ll only be a little ways away over in London. I’m not going abroad anytime soon.” You said chuckling. She smiled and cupped your face in her hands, a tear falling from her eye as she spoke.

“I love you dear, so much. I’m sad to see you go....but I think this might be good for you, even though it hurts. But you do deserve so much better. I’m just sorry my son couldn’t be that person despite us all thinking he would be. But if there’s any solace from this, just know that we care about ya. We love you and you’re always welcome back, no matter what they say...just tell them Polly said so.” She said.

You wiped your tears from your eyes as she enveloped you in a hug, the smell of her perfume soothing you as you embraced these last moments with her for the near future.

After getting up and walking to the door, you focused on all that could await you in London, or who.

“Oh and Poll?” You asked stopping with your hand on the doorknob.

“If I ever have a wedding, you’ll definitely be invited. That’s a promise.” You said as she smiled at you, nodding as she watched you head off into the streets of Small Heath and toward your future.

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