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popponn · 1 year

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things about isagi yoichi

i'm keeping a list about isagi for reasons (mostly personal amusement) (please do feel free to add or correct them). contains possible spoiler for manga up to chapter 230 so far and light novel. will get longer, probably, as time goes on. (update, it gets longer and up to uber match ending as of today.)

considerate. almost like a people pleaser. actual people pleaser at first.

pragmatic. thinks very calmly, even when angry it seems, but his words still sometimes get too much.

think things through, sometimes too much.

is confident, but not unaware of his own weaknesses

start pretty insecure.

seems to be sheepish - happy when someone praise / support / pay a large attention to him (pretty humble) (interview, that one kid in station, his family)

how he acts depends on who he is interacting with

switch to a more polite speech pattern whenever nervous (pretty obvious in japanese text, like in the interview scene after bm vs mc).

seems to be less competent on other things other than soccer

looking at his favorite manga / song / shows (most are medias with children as the main audience in mind), either really loves his childhood or doesn’t pay attention to many things after soccer. seems like the latter.

a really healthy family dynamics. his parents are very supportive of his dream.

loves katsu curry.

is a pretty 'normal' high school guy it seems. tissues near the bed, thigh fetish, read manga. speaks normally.

i really don't get why he has a habit of making sure his ahoges stand up in v before a match but god thats cute.

can be really rude and impatient sometimes

is good with people, but seems to enjoy alone time too. seems to be an introvert.

at least on screen, never really talk about how it was in ichinan with the blue lock guys. either it didn't bother him that much consciously or is the type of person who gets along with everyone but no one really knows the background of in details. (put it simply might be more introverted than he appears to be, especially considering how he usually is with people)

seems to be uncomfortable with new people in his personal space (early bachira + kaiser)

while doesn’t ‘like’ rude people, seems to grow ‘used’ to them and even openly admire them (barou + rin)

does not seems to easily prejudice / be judgmental to someone. is really patient (respect to barou, that one chapter with tada from ichinan, still praises kaiser despite the antagonism between them)

his fashion sense is pretty... this is very subjective as i don't have the word for it yet, but yeah, is either not good or pretty old fashioned. (in anime official arts)

when it comes to soccer often looks angrier expression wise

really egoistic. unsurprisingly.

sometimes is pretty self centered in the way that “this is my fault” sometimes, rather than focusing on someone else. but most of the time his self centeredness comes out as “i want this and i will get this”.

on some moments also seems to focus more on what he is not satisfied with rather than what he is satisfied with. might be caused by the storytelling beats, but if taken into consideration how he always wants to improve, it's not unsurprising.

seems to be more goal / result oriented, but is not dismissive towards the process.

whenever he sees someone better than him or something seems to be ‘impossible’ for him, most of the time his responds are ‘i have to work harder for it’. sometimes there are moments of insecurity, but they are fleeting and always went back to ‘i will overcome this / him’ as a respond.

very!!!! competitive. but it’s blue lock.

both in and outside soccer, seems to be very independent

seems to be more analytical by nature rather than intuitive, especially in learning style. complete opposite of nagi.

often starts noticing things from little things and details first before going and getting the bigger picture. detail oriented person? at least in soccer.

yeah soccer nerd.

if the 0 valentine choco, his reaction to seeing live two women getting played in karaoke, and how he didn't immediately went to girls in bowling alley—yeah. definitely 0 experience with girls.

is not wishy washy. knows what he wants and is not the type to change his preference because of his surroundings. did just act as if his preference is different / just doesn't say a thing or walk away when it isn't, back in ichinan these habits are obvious. in blue lock, he doesn't actively try to make other people uncomfortable and even still accommodate some out of the field, but clearly has become more outspoken in his preference or for his comfort. boy really grew more confident (and i love him for it).

he asks santa for ps4 and other than yeah normal highschool boy behavior idk how to dissect or overanalyze this yet give me a sec or a year.

like treats!!!! seems to be partial to sweets, but he also enjoys sour candies according to egoist bible.

doesn't like being ignored. and it kinda shows.

his beef with kaiser is hilarious—but it make sense because kaiser obviously bring it up even out of field (that locker room scene after yukimiya isagi argument), taunts isagi every chance he got (vs barcha, vs mc), and whatever happened in the match. isagi better than some bluelockers and me fr frfr considering he still did not try to punch kaiser's mug.

which bring the point doesn't seems to enjoy fistfight. either shitty at it or just chose not too. but looking at his trend of being shitty at things that are not soccer and his canonically low stats especially before blue lock. yeah might be shit at fistfight (with also a bit of the latter because how do one not try to sock kaiser in the face after *gestures wildly* all that. footnote, i admit the bias). (karaoke, shidou vs rin duking it out pt.1—my guy was dying and he wasn't the one duking it out)

tidy, but not overly tidy to barou level. but realistically comparing it to stereotypes of high school boys? real tidy. (could be seen in blue lock exhib's display of his u20 arc locker and team white bedroom)

wants lil sis or big sis because of my neighbor totoro. idk how to dissect this either but—yeah not a rare thing for an only kid to say, actually.

seems to be more of a street smart kinda guy.

his tenacity in befriending or at least interacting with rin is admirable. shipping lense or not it really is.

he gets along with almost everyone. shipping lenses or not, also amazing especially for an introvert.

he says the wildest shit on field like uh yeah things he said with yukimiya was said to be cencored a little because in jp someone said he was calling yukimiya something else i don't know to say in english.

but is actually not an absolute asshole in field, saw yukimiya broke down and bro actually took a second to pay attention and moved on. until he got provoked, that is.

actually rarely become the one who approach other people first (kira, bachira).

can really got extreme when in high tension (shoving chigiri off, that 100℅ kill you @ kaiser).

turns out he talks about the thigh stuff bashfully. (it's cute.) but i still wonder why he likes lobster. like i feel like something is there. why is his taste in everything that is not soccer makes me wonder what the fuck is up with him. favorite song? cm jingle. fashion sense? honestly casual, but his sense in pattern and color is genuinely so bad im hurting. this point is so full of personal bias feel free to skip it.

seems to be pretty oblivious to things about not-soccer. especially his surroundings. not to the dense point but seems like it stems more from his focus at soccer. but this trait seems to go hand in hand with his self centered tendencies.

(this is bordering to hc, but) it seems like while is indeed obsessed with soccer, more than "oh he is only good at soccer", is more of a "if he wants it he will find a way to get it". but taking in account how his personality used to be in ichinan / pre blue lock, it's unsurprising that he doesn't want that mamy things. even in soccer that he is passionate about, he didn't back then. there is also the fact that he seems to have tendency to hyperfocus into something (i.e.: while still taking into account of others in soccer, think more of them as 'factors' than 'people'), so it may seems like the reason he got or became good at something is like "oh isagi is lucky / specialized in that", but it seems hard work and dedication really does put a big role into it, unsurprisingly. could reach that level in soccer because he is dedicated into it, tldr.

this part also became quite visible if taking into account he wants to play specifically as a striker. he is focused in this very specific thing he wants, that's why he managed to get it / improve in it.

if i did not miscount, he directly has a conversation with ego twice. and in both he is extremely impolite, calling ego names in one (u20 arc). while the other happened after he lost against rin in 4v4, and seems like he is still not happy with the loss. ans it shows. he is pretty rude when ego talk about luck which he himself noted was a big factor there. (man hold grudge.)

so yeah, seems like rather than "possessed in field" it could also be "possessed in everything related to soccer", though fudther research is to be conducted.

is pretty introverted even in blue lock. while sometimes he shares his insight to other people about his play, sometimes he also did not do this (recently you can see this the most in his interactions with ness). but yeah, this is the thing he shares about the most, something related to playmaking and soccer. but other than that nothing—at least on screen.

his pretty peaceful and uneventful background could be factored into, however ichinan highschool is pretty much his tragic backstort and not a peep about that to even bachira it seems. a possibility is that he is hyperfocused towards soccer. not to say his self centered part that is more of "what can i change about myself for this situation" and "i can't change others' way of thinking".

however seeing how that one meeting tada goes (post u20 break) and he said nothing to correct tada, even though he secretly disagrees—then also his parents who seems pretty oblivious to his soccer performance and how he casually acted about his lost against kira despite crying and screaming on public just before that—yeah, seems like a pretty private person. it's not that he is oblivious or do it out of malice, but mostly seems like he just doesn't comment about it and more of the listening type. and even when someone close ask the right question it seems like he doesn't try to show much expression or how he actually feels.

personal bias but yeah this is no longer """being polite""", this is actually being private to a very concerning degree. like the time he opened up about his worry, and still pretty related with soccer, that is completely visibly vulnerable seems like it was with nagi after 3v3 with rin (and see how that ended up. tho this make the fact that he and nagi became pretty close afterwards in such a short time a bit unsurprising. this two indeed kinda have quite a lot bonding moments outside and inside the field, shipping lens or not). like no wonder this guy snaps in soccer field, it's pent emotions fr.

but if how he is after u20 any indication, it seems like he really is very reserved outside of field that it kind of resembles how he was before blue lock. (who knows after nel arc (still bm vs uber rn when i write this, tho the match seems like ending), because boy seems grumpier there. not blaming him tho, it's battle royale inside that team.)

doing a little skimming but it seems like when talking about something he really never put focus on his feelings. it's either what's going on, others' feelings, or an opinion of his but if there are any feelings most of them stays in monologue and thoughts only.

adding to that nagi note, personally found it funny that he nearly get into same team with nagi TWICE (pre u20 team selection, nel choice where he is conflicted between german or england) but he never followed thru with it. this probably has more to do with nagi's motif & such rather than his, which this post wasn't here for sry nagi, and the fact that both that they are protagonists in the main and spinoff. but yeah, personally? it's funny it happened twice. especially factoring the fact they are close enough to have each other's number and isagi admits he has a nice chemical reaction with nagi.

i genuinely wonder how he interacts with kaiser outside of field. like. dude. i know it's funny.

might also add now that it seems the four people he is closest with is bachira and chigiri. was, with kunigami too but yeah. bachira especially, with the two keep being called two side of a coin/a soul. again, shipping lens or not, they are pretty close and isagi really seems to have come to a point where he is okay with bachira's habits no matter how odd. (personal bias, really sweet considering bachira has no friends before this and isagi while is friend with tada WE KNOW HOW IT ALL TURNS OUT). with chigiri, seems like the type of friends who look out for each other (isagi once shown checking his knee and messaging him, while chigiri is the first one jumping into action when shidou nearly kicked him). then you also add that chigiri only ever, on screen at least, opened up about his past to isagi and honestly yeah. shipping lens or not, these two definitely the looking after each other dynamic. kunigami come back, or at least interact with isagi more pls.

WHICH ALSO, seems like isagi is the only one reo kind of opened up to with his insecurities after the 2nd selection—kunigami and chigiri seems to get it too, but at least it was never shown on screen that he opened up the more vulnerable side of his anger at nagi and isagi to them. these two has a pretty good relationship it seems after that screening room scene. (might revise or at to this when epi nagi reach this part)

but this seems unsurprising in some ways because isagi really seems like the listening type. some people said these type of people is good when it comes to getting people opening up. also seems like isagi really never run his mouth so good choice actually. (look at him even he doesnt open up his own emotion how could he do that with other people's emotion. what is this a sign of pent emotion or just a sign of actual limited emotional intelligence when it came to processing them? who knows. blue lock's highly stressful and intense environment is also a factor here but hey, look at how isagi was in ichinan. might be old habits)

he is scarily cold and detached to his bonds when it came to soccer, it seems? like, he is still capable of sympathy even during the heat of the moment, unless you make him angry (both cases: yukki). but for the sake of his play his priority really is on "this is the play that i want" rather than friendships and stuff. on one side, professionality. on the other, yeah egoist.

outside of field doesn't seem to go out of his way to dig up about someone's backstory in "asking and digging and wanting to talk about feelings with them", but will listen if told. (i.e. chigiri acl convo, reo opening up, casually talking about soccer again after noa ego relationship bomb drop, etc.) seems to be more as 'minding his own business and being not nosy', which is kind of in line with his politeness.

then you bring soccer and his ideal play and it gets really cold. he really think of soccer as 'cruel' and it kind of shows with how little he thinks of outside-of-field-relation during a game. (really shows if you compare how most characters personal story, rin and reo for example, has a huge impact on their play) his brain really has an on and off switch with the niceness.

at some point in blue lock, his closest circle is bachira, chigiri, kunigami (could be canon or could be due to the fact these four are kind of the quadruplet of bllk). he is pretty much the guy most of everyone knows and has at least spoken with once after u20 tho.

but other than those 4, it seems that the one he have more highlighted rivalry are niko, barou, rin, and nagi, with yukimiya coming in later in bm. it's funny how isagi seems pretty attached to them in a pretty friendly manner in some ways. barou and rin is just on another level of "i will kill you" getting answered with "sure, okay, geez" (and it's hilarious. with barou, isagi shared meals, was a roommate, and went bowling together once. with rin, he did yoga, laughed at his death threat, and was pissed because rin was impolite. i can go on but moving on). nagi and isagi canonically get along pretty well out of screen. isagi is roommate with yukimiya—i didn't except this combo back then but i really want to know their interactions in that room, especially during and after their conflict.

then there is hiyori, kurona, and nanase's case whose relationship with him is more on the 'supporting side'. with reo, it seems to also fall into the rivalry category—but this guy's relationship with isagi is kind of more about reo-nagi relationship than with isagi himself. with aiku, it's rivalry between defender and attacker (resembles niko the most but the things these two said to each other is way wilder). then there is kaiser—i will wait til nel arc is done.

there are crumbs with some other charas like sae—but these two didn't interact (yet?) in canon. with noa, it's admiration and respect, to put it simply, but it seems it's leaning more into actual mentorship that is more casual compared to how most of bm is with noa (imo, take this part with a grain of salt). with ego, it's...surprisingly complicated on a meta level from my perspective at least.

isagi clearly agrees and thrives with ego's philosophy, but other than taking ego's words/guidance isagi was rude to him. then there is stuff like some part of their design being similar to each other (v hair, eyes on some panels tho this also happens with other charas, beta isagi sketch) and how during nel ego - isagi similarities get commented by noa and snuffy (tho on snuffy case is more of barou - isagi is like ego - noa, who is who tho we don't know for sure). it feels like there is more on these two for the future.

with his family, it's just sweet. his family is proud and supportive of him. and seeing how isagi is pretty independent as in his attachment style is very secure in blue lock, even with how ichinan basically turned him into a people pleaser, yeah definitely and canonically a good family there. he greets them every morning as part of his morning routine, and he is the only character who mention this in said trivia.

enjoys his alone time, based on his trivia. the introvert part is loud and clear.

he doesn't really get jealous easily. like rather than envy, it's more of frustration directed towards himself or straight up being pissed because said someone played a factor in why he couldn't make a goal. but most of the time, when he sees someone's strength, it came out more as an admiration and "i should do more and stand out more too!!!" rather than comparing himself and feels negativity. this especially never happen to his perception towards his capabilities. the closest thing we ever get to him feeling envy is perhaps the parts where he goes "i don't have weapon like them" when talking about chigiri's speed, kaiser impact, and others' specialities. but even then it never really lingers.

and from that probably also shows that isagi is really good at looking someone's strength or specialities. but this seems to also happen in looking at weaknesses and chances. he really does tries to take into account tendencies, skills, blind spots, etc. honestly thinking about this make sense why he immediately collapsed after vs mc, the information loading must be insane. but all in all, the main point is that he is pretty good at reviewing and observing stuffs indeed.

high achiever with an amazing durability. as said word by word by kaiser himself, this guy look at something way more amazing than himself and keep taking it as a challenge. aka his mental strength is insane—or his competitiveness is just that crazy. no wonder he thrives in blue lock where so many people want to him eat alive.

after thinking for a bit and connecting it with the 'not teaming with nagi during the u20 tryouts', it seems like also the guy who avoids his comfort zone, in area of skills and plays in this case. he seems to actively challenge himself.

seriously the type of guy who do and chase what he wants. egoist indeed.

but thinking about that, it also speaks of his adaptability and flexibility. while the part that definitely carries more tension, seriousness, and definitely didn't take shit came out so much in soccer, the way he interacts with those who are friendly with him is so different with those who are antagonistic with him. though so far, with the exception of kaiser it seems, he at some point ended up in a pretty good relationship with some of those—rin and barou are most telling. the antagonism is back on when they are in seperate team tho, but hey this is blue lock.

his moment of satisfaction is really fast—as in he like cheers for a bit, most of the time, then focus on the next challenge. this could be caused by: 1) blue lock highly competitive and rapidly changing environment; 2) it's just how he is build.

#blue lock #bllk isagi #isagi yoichi #isagi #bllk #bluelock #this is like character study #if character study is literally studying a character who lives rent free in your head for three months and counting #so still #character study #i guess #ehe 👍#for my own sake im putting this tag #im just rambling at this point but hey

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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I'm in a fandom with a lot of virulent antis (surprise surprise, it's heavily dark source material and I don't know why they're here at all) and a lot of the pairings that aren't the main badwrong ship on ao3 now have DNI tags on them for shippers of the badwrong ship. I guess not enough to break the TOS (no direct threats?), but still full of stuff like "x shippers DNI", "get help you freaks", "You're disgusting" etc etc.

Its just... so frustrating. Like that's a pretty red flag for me that a fic probably is going to be in an immature writing style so I probably won't read it anyway, but every time I see it I just.... heave a big sigh. Why these people are in this fandom or on Ao3 at all I'll never know. Its not even helpful - the tags are there to help describe the fic, if I didn't want to see that kind of content I could just... avoid content that's tagged that way. Why even add that to a fic that's not even about those characters at all?

Honestly, my real question is.... Olderthannetfic, how do you do it?

I feel like I do it "right", in fandom, or at least I try. I always just block and move on. I don't follow the discourse where I can help it and block a lot of the relevant tags. I keep to a small circle of folks that have the same fun brainrot I do and have fun, generally. But this kind of stuff still slips through the cracks in a way that's unavoidable if you're ever online at all. To be honest, it still hurts a lot to see each time, and be reminded that some people seem to literally want me dead over reading a story. And I can't help the doubt and the self-flagellation that creeps in. Despite my best efforts, and all my research, and living to the ripe rip van winkle tumblr fandom spinster age of 27... I sometimes have a moment where I think, maybe I really am a freak or a degenerate, or an evil predator waiting to bloom.

Do you ever experience this? Does this feeling ever go away, or at least dull to a more bearable exasperated eye roll? Do you ever see these anti idiots grow up or grow out of this mindset? Is it just a matter of time, age or experience? Is there a point at which you felt like it affected you less, or perhaps it didn't affect you like that at all? Is there a secret to navigating it calmly and with confidence? Do you have any advice to give in the, er, art of not giving a fuck?

Why would I quail at a stupid child on the internet after coming out as queer when I was 14 in the 90s?

I grew up with very open-minded, supportive family aside from my mother's conviction that BDSM was something people were into because they'd been abused. Even then, I remember privately snickering because I was super kinky, and wouldn't that upset her given this silly world view?

I had it easy compared to most in the 90s, but I still saw a lot of nonsense, like good old Mom on the topic of kink or murders in the media. But I also spent a lot of time reading educational sexuality books that debunked myths about fantasies and kinkiness.

Maybe a firmer grounding in sexuality stuff would help you? Nancy Friday's work on women's fantasies is a common starting point. I'm partial to The Topping Book, which is full of "it's great to be a top, actually" and not "you only do it for the sub".

Getting older does usually help though. Most 20-somethings are insecure in their sense of self. Middle age is when people's fucks generally run out, and that only continues to grow. Watch a stupid child go after some 60-something zine writer lady. She's going to laugh in their faces. Some people remain insecure forever, I suppose, but not anybody who had to woman up to be in fandom in the first place.

It's not just that these little idiots are wrong about us being predators: it's that they are the morally degenerate ones for spreading the psychological equivalent of "vaccines cause autism" or "Jews want to steal your Christian babies".

This idea that The Bad People are infiltrating our minds with their propaganda overlaps heavily with anti-semitic conspiracy theory right wing fundie nutjob ideas, and yet these young fools claim to be pro-queer and pro-civil rights. They're an embarrassment to any progressive movement and it disgusts me.

When someone goes "You're not a Christian, so you're going to hell", do you have a moment when you wonder?

Because that's the level of absurdity here.

Even if they don't bully, even if they don't include threats in their DNIs, the fact that they're spreading myths about sexuality that have been thoroughly debunked many times means they're doing something unethical, anti-intellectual, and anti-science.

I'm not afraid or guilty. I'm embarrassed for them.

Do antis grow out of it? Yes, frequently.

They are—either literally or functionally—victims of right wing Christian cults. They have the same trajectory of realizing they've been had and slowly trying to work through the raging guilt and religious trauma.

I have limited patience but some sympathy. Like other victims who were indoctrinated to hurt people, escaping the cult is hard. It means not only giving up your false sense of safety and all of your friends but facing what you've done.

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mapoeggplant · 1 year

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skip to loafer chapter 51 // discussion

since the chapter is out right now, being raws and the translation, i won't be posting many screenshots as i usually do in respect of everyone. there being said, i want to talk about some things that happened in this chapter!!! also, i'm not calling it an analyze because i think i want to discuss about it more than analyzing it, if that makes sense. anyways, here we go!

this chapter really feels like a road trip, doesn't it? the pacing, the excitement, even the car seats arrangement. there's such a summer and youth vibes to it and that makes me so, so happy and excited for what's to come! i think that, in the end, two characters were the star of chap 51: maharu and nao.

want to talk about maharu first. at first, i was really surprised by her reaction, but wasn't the narrative building up to this? maharu has been showing signs of insecurity since some chapters ago, so it makes total sense, in my head for her to act like that, for a lot of reasons the most important one is the insecurity of being a small town girl when surrounded by people from the city. maharu is a girl who's starting her teenage years, so it's normal for her to see everything as "cooler than her" or that her traditions are less than people from tokyo.

and, hidden underneath this insecurity, she's facing two weird feelings. 1. the idea that her sister is changing and starting to become "a city girl" (since she was the only one who was "well put" while having lunch). 2. her sister's friends, which i have a little suspicious that she knows that them are helping mitsumi to buy her things that would suit her better. and finally 3. the jealously of having all the attention focused on her sister. i mean, she's also having problems! she's also changing! she's a teenager, she wants attention!!

mitsumi is changing, so is maharu. she's feels like she's losing importance, that mitsumi is no long part of their life style and that all her friends are "too good to be there". it's a ride, specially for a girl who's starting to feel the teenage hormones acting up.

and now, the other character that needs a spotlight: nao. it was widely known that nao hasn't come back since she transitioned. her hometown brings her a lot of dark memories and dealing with her family wasn't all that easy. who can imagine what's going to happen when she's finally back? and well, would you look at that: not only nao received a pleasant surprise, but us as well. that doesn't mean the scars are healed or that she's feeling 100% fine and safe there, but just the small step into recognition means more than words can explain.

general thoughts about the chapter:

mika being the one to first realize that something is wrong between shimamitsu really came as a surprise to me!! i know i made a lot of jokes about this before, but i was sure fumi would be the first one to catch that, and not one of the tokyo girls.

this makes me feel like we're closer and closer to mitsumi finally opening up to the girls and shima facing some criticism aside from his internal ones. this might result in a loot of outcomes, but i know that sensei have the perfect one hidden on her sleeve.

about shima (since we all know i'm a shima maniac), other than that, my suspicions about him not telling his mother about the trip is starting to grow. i mean, we never really saw nao talking to her, he didn't brought a gift (we know that his mother would never let that happen), so it all feels so sus to me...but also, on a lighter note, it's the first time he's visiting a friend's house (that isn't chris or mukai, people he grew up with). i mean, he never had that!! he never thought it would be possible!!! how amazing is that for him!!! (aside from the heartbreak scene he saws...)

the wallet scene is a focal point of the chapter, and this opens a lot of future resolutions involving shima. it's kind of a smaller moment in the bigger picture, but his face after seeing maharu storming out tells a lot to me, in a way. he can clearly see how hurt mitsumi is, even tho she's trying to fake it. all i wish right now is that he takes a step further and talk to her about this, give her some sort of comfort. he knows how important that moment (buying the wallet, i mean) was to her, and now he just saw with his own two eyes what happened, so i really hope he takes a step in. i truly do.

this could lead to a more mukai focused chapter, hear me out: with shima and mitsumi relationship being weird right now, it's obvious that, even if shima comforts her, things won't be normal for a while. they will both hide what happened and i have a feeling that mukai will be the one to caught on that. why? because he's the one who can have a better grasp on shima's bullshit. it won't give us a huge mukai lore but hmmmm...idk it's just a feeling. i can be very very wrong and that's totally fine, but my mind is twirling around this...

now if we're talking about fumi...:

i think a lot can happen, honestly. if sensei is thinking about focusing on maharu a little more, i can see maharu thinking fumi isn't by her side as well, which is a plausible outcome given the feelings that maharu has been dealing with.

if fumi takes maharu side, many different outcomes can happen. mitsumi and her can have a little discussion (nothing too hard, but it would make both feel very sad ofc) and mitsumi would have a little self conscious moment that she isn't giving the proper attention to her family and old friends.

if we think about fumi also being jealous, it can still have an outcome like the scenario i mentioned above or the meeting doesn't go as well as we were expecting. it's a thought moment to really focus on, since we didn't had any fumi thought yet, just a little glimpse.

can't wait to see what's waiting for us, can't wait to see all of them at the beach. i had a little bit of interaction between nao and shima (which you all know means A LOT to me) and now i can finally have my baby fumi meeting all of them. i'm so happy it feels surreal, in a way

thank you for reading it 🌟

#skip to loafer #skip and loafer #skip to loafer chapter 51 #chapter discussion #I mean is it clear that I love them?#I love them...#sousuke shima #iwakura mitsumi #mika egashira #fumino toyama #i have a bunch of things to say that idk if will make sense in the end #I just think this arc will be one of my favorites #it's so complete and so full #takamatsu-sensei is a master in developing and writing emotions #love her sm #duckmetas

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dearweirdme · 1 year

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Has anybody considered the fact that Taehyung and Jungkook might just have different needs when it comes to public affirmations?

I mean, we know JK is hyper critical of himself and he self-admittedly has trouble following through on some of his creative pursuits (which could indicate a drop in confidence) He basically threw an amazing song in the garbage because he didn't think it was that good.

Now, I know Taehyung has his own insecurities and own artistic pickiness but he has always seemed far more self- assured in some cases than JK and less inclined to play nice and consider opinions from those he doesn't know. We all know that ARMY has never been able to tell Taehyung nothing when it comes to what he wants to do, his boundaries etc.

I'm not saying Taehyung doesn't like feedback. He glows when he talks about feedback from the members and when he knows the fans like his stuff but there's always been very much an element of stubborness in that he doesn't really care if his choices or likes seem odd to some and he low-key will not tolerate conflicting opinions regarding his personal style, tastes and choices when his own are so strongly defined.

It must be said that JK has really come into his own in this sense but we all know there was a period where he beat himself up a lot and didn't clapback at the fans the way he's doing lately

I know there have been instances where even Tae's put a lot of pressure on himself but when you think back to their youth; Taehyung was always naturally less critical of himself and more forgiving of himself and centred his own opinions more while JK was super self critical, much quieter in his opinions and a natural people pleaser.

So maybe this is just a case of Tae knowing JK so well and responding to his needs and striking against insecurities that he knows JK might still hold. Or maybe he's proud of JK's growth in that area and wants to loudly reinforce it.

Some people just don't need the same level of hype (even if they might enjoy it when they get it) because they hype themselves by way of their personalities.

And some people need a little more uplifting.

And BTS have won everything, broke everything, achieved everything that I'm certain they don't obsess over the intricacies of charts, streams and numbers the way the fans do. I doubt the seven of them are sitting there tallying their charts and comparing them. Especially when they've all practically made it known that their achievements, according to them, are a product of being part of group and the group will always be first priority to them.

And the thing is, they're not dumb. They know 0t7 ARMY will support them equally and that biased ARMY will lend more support to their faves and that solos will focus solely on their fave no matter who says what or encourages people to do what on a social media post---and they know that their haters will hate them regardless.

And I know we're all shippers here but let's be real; they know that insta posts etc won't really effect the numbers but will be devoured by shippers and in some case used as evidence for or against them primarily so public declarations might just not hold as deep a meaning to them as it does to the fans.

Even the birthday posts seem to come across as a chore to indulge the fans for some of the members.

And Tae might be a little more verbal right now but have some of these anons never seen JK around Taehyung since day one? Like between the looks, the touches, the comments, the beaming smiles, the twinkle in his eyes, the liberties he allows Taehyung to take, the concessions he makes for him, the way they somehow always manage to find themselves in each others space no matter how far apart they start?

And I know there's been speculation of a rough patch and I saw elements of it too but I know for a FACT that nobody can point to one year where JK wasn't still acting towards Taehyung in all the ways I listed above. Like if you tried to chart a timeline of a rough patch it would be still be cut up with moments of JK telling the world that Taehyung is the most handsome person in it or him cuddling or trying to get closer to him (even though some people like to feign amnesia lately and act like JK never makes the first move) there's not one single year or stretch of time where JK hasn't looked at Taehyung with stars in his eyes or found a subtle way to touch him or given comfort to him or taken comfort from him or praised him or melted at praise from him.

Give me a year the worst you know, and I'll still be able to give you a collection of moments of Taekook Taekookin'.

There isn't a single year, not 2017, 18, 19, 20, where JK hasn't still managed to find Taehyung the most handsome, funniest, smartest person in the room.

(And I know we can say the reverse about how Taehyung adores JK just as much but I'm countering all those anons I see speculating that it's all Tae doing the heavy lifting)

I have my opinions on the relationship, everyone is entitled to their own, but it is undeniable that even during their 'worst years' there were still so many examples of how close or at the very least, connected, they were.

Like if you edited all their moments together in a compilation from 2018-2019 alone, there would still be enough love, closeness and intimacy to make an absolute mockery of that conversation they had ITS that was used to imply they'd drifted apart.

Sometimes, I just really wonder what more Taekookers want.

Hi anon!

Great observations. I think it plays in to Tae wanting to hide his emotions/feelings, and that's why Jk's way of giving comfort is physical closeness while allowing Tae to hide. Jk however needs the actual vocalization of support more. Which fits into what he told us himself on live, about not understanding why army loves him.. our love is too vague for him and he needs/needed more specifics to be confinced perhaps. People just telling him "I love you" doesn't say much after a while perhaps. Tae being more vocal about Jk, is what he knows Jk needs.

I think Tae grew a lot into accepting his 'weirdness", which can be a real task and a forever struggle. At times it just takes a few people who really understand you and who make you feel safe and understood. I think Tae is a t a point in his life where he has found that and that is what makes him feel stronger.

I will forever die on my hill of believing they don't care about birthday's much 😂.

And yes on them having been very consistent throughout the whole time.

#taekook #taekook analysis

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1yyyyyy1 · 5 months

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How do you act like you already have the appearance you want? Would you purchase things (ie clothes) that would fit the body type you want, or is it purely mental?

Sorry if this is intrusive. LOA has been on my mind for a while.

Personally, it was a purely mental thing for me at first, mainly because the only thing I knew at the time was that I simply disliked my appearance, I didn't know what I wanted it to be and what changes I wanted to make to be at peace with it. What I knew was that these changes had to be major, like dyeing my hair and completely changing my wardrobe, and that I was not ready to take these steps in the real world because I didn't want to be spending money on something I was unlikely to wear again or ruining my hair. Another thing I noticed about myself back then was that I had been gravitating towards a specific look for a while, that was the clue I needed to figure out the direction I wanted to take my style to and how I started to piece it together by working out color palettes and saving pictures that were similar to the vision I had for myself. I did end up buying some accessories to make it easier for myself, but this process was for the most part mental for me because my goal was mental as well.

If you are anything like myself, you are still in the process of figuring out which features you like and dislike about yourself and it can be difficult for you to understand your own preferences or feel like you are embodying attractiveness by being yourself, and I have resolved this by projecting my personality on the women I find attractive and "complete" fashion-wise to try and see what it would be like for me to embody their appearance. It has actually taken me just a few minutes to realize that I was right about my unwillingness to be around men and that it was not coming from a place of insecurity; if anything, I was even more protective of the image of my preferred self... I would continue to imagine myself in different social settings that way to understand which features I was being drawn the most to and to make it clear to myself that my aversion towards male company was about my boundaries and not some kind of self-hatred because, as I always mention, imaginary scenarios are an authentic experience to your brain even if it does not seem that way and is a safe way to figure out your priorities. At some point, your sense of self will take over and you will start implementing the traits that have resonated the most with you into your own appearance!

My overall advice would be to worry about your body features less and to focus on your personal style instead, for the simple reason that you might end up liking some of the features you find unsavory through a change in clothing or hairstyle — a fitting haircut can make for a shocking change and absolve you of the negative perceptions you have about your face, which is miles better than wondering about whether or not you should be going for a cosmetic procedure. A similar thing goes for clothes and you might end up finding out that you do not dislike your body as much as you think you do, you could simply be invested in shapes and proportions that do not suit you. I should say that creating an image board is the best and the fastest way to visualize your preferred look, it is likely that you will be drawn to a specific style and set of features even if you are overall undecided and you can take your decision from there.

#ask #LOA

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spookymultimedia · 2 years

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Helpless To Defy His Fate: The Sountrack

Here's the music that inspired each chapter of my fanfiction, songs that go nicely with what I've written and a look into my creative process while writing

Chapter 1

El Tango De Roxane from Moulin Rouge

I'm not a fan of this musical or the canon story behind this song but I know I'm not alone in this attachment to this song. This song gave me a vision of Nandor betrayed by Guillermo by his act of violence. He's devastated. I was specifically inspired by the tiktok videos that combine Roxanne and the Plauges from The Prince of Egypt. At this point, the story in my head was like this opera style drama that's full of love, loss and pain. Nandor is the one who's heart is crying.

The Ballad of Jane Doe from Ride The Cyclone

I wanted to capture feeling this song gave more than the actual story in this song. I thought about Laszlo and his feelings of betrayal as he's quickly dying. He doesn't have time to process that he's dying. It's tragic. It really is an unfair death. I guess the Fall Fair Suite fits too but this song was a bigger influence

Bright Eyes by Art Garfunkel

This is one of the songs that I think fits Nandor's grief. He's struggling to process the fact Laszlo is dead and that Guillermo killed him.

CH 2

Sad Song by We The Kings

This captures Nadja's grief perfectly. The entire song is how she feels about Laszlo dying. At this point in writing this fic was an exploration of grief and how each of these characters would experience it. I didn't have a Nandermo arc in mind quite yet. I didn't expect this fic to be longer than two chapters. It's was a impulsive idea I wanted to write down. I wanted to write drama and angst for no reason but catharsis and enjoyment.

My Immortal by Evenessance

This was something I listened to while I was writing and thinking about Colin's Grief. He used to comfort Laszlo and learning about Laszlo's abusive home when he was young concerned him. Laszlo grieved him once and now Colin is grieving him. It's ironic. Also I was somewhat influenced by BCR's love for Evenessence and Papa Roach.

Look Who's Inside Again by Bo Burnam

This one was a huge influence on how I wrote Colin Robinson in this fanfiction. Laszlo was someone who gave Colin Robinson friendship when he was desperate to be understood and tired of being forgotten. He was happy and confident. When the one person that understood Colin better than anyone else in his life died he felt alone and insecure again. He struggled to reach out to the people around him and feel into a severe depression that kept him in his bed with no one to feed on but the cruelty of the internet. Colin Robinson is generally the comic relied character. "It's hard to be funny while stuck in a room". He usually enjoys telling his friends dumb jokes but now he's struggling to feel any joy at all. Draining online was a treat but in this situation it made him feel worse and left him feeling like shit

Chapter 3

Flying Dreams from The Secret of NIMH

Chapter 3 was just a sickfick/hurt&comfort I just wanted to write something nice and wholesome and cuddly after all the pain and truama that happened in the previous chapters. This chapter is the calm before the storm in a way. The scene where Nandor is helping Colin Robinson drink its tea was directly inspired by that scene in Secret of Nimh. There's a big emphasis on familial and platonic affection and love in the second half of this chapter.

That's the only song I had in mind for this chapter. The rest was just character interaction with my OC Desdemona. She wasn't originally going to be in this chapter but I really liked the idea of Nandor speaking to it. I think in a less grim timeline they would fuck at least once lol. There's so much grief going around I needed to put Desdemona in this fic, she eats that energy up. I'm glad I decided to it really helped me get a strong sense of its character.

Chapter 4

Bohemian Rapsody by Queen

I had this song already in mind while I was working on chapter 3. I knew I wanted to write Guillermo into this fever dream of guilt and self loathing. I wanted to go into the uncanny territory of weirdness. The part in his dream where Nadja kills Guillermo is directly inspired by an alternate ending proposed by @/ednacrabapple in which Nandor teaches Nadja to swordfight ti kill Guillermo. The twist would be she wouldn't be able to do it and suddenly Nandor gets the confidence to kill him. The lyrics that that inspired me the most where these:

I see a little silhouetto of a man,

Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango!

Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening me

He's just a poor boy from a poor family,

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me,

For meee

So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye

So you think you can love me and leave me to die

Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,

Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

Also in the beginning we see the death from Guillermo's perspective. "Momma, life has just begun but now I've gone and thrown it all away." Guillermo is new to being a vampire and now that's been completely ruined by his murderous tendencies.

No Way Out from Brother Bear

This is one of the movies I took inspiration from for this fanfiction. I wanted to find stories that had similar stories of murder, guilt and forgiveness. I needed to make sure it was obvious that Guillermo lives in guilt and fear. Everyone else has a warped perception of him and believe he's killing for fun. I needed write the opposing perspective in this story.

Oh Miss Believer by Twenty One Pilots

There were three songs that inspired how I wrote nandermo in this chapter. This song is a love letter to Guillermo. Guillermo is scared and helpless. He's in a deep depression and struggling to carry on. Nandor is scared for Guillermo's life and while he addresses that Guillermo has done terrible things he wants to protect him some how. This chapter is when you start to see that Nandor and Guillermo are psychically linked to each other in a very literaral sense. They can feel and read each other's thoughts without knowing they are. They know the worst is yet to come and they're fearful.

Talking to Moon by Bruno Mars

This describes Nandor's feelings. He wants Guillermo badly against the better judgment of everyone else around him.

Aftermath by Lifehouse

Throughout the story Nandor and Nadja grow closer as lovers. Their feelings and actions change into something romantic. They're both traumatized and as a result hold onto each other because they're scared of losing one another. Despite the grief they feel warmth with one another.

Wisdom of Snow by Trans Siberian Orchestra

This song is from the album The Lost Christmas Eve and acts as the contemplative buffer between the old man's confrontation with his past and his emotional breakthrough. This chapter is foreboding and foreshadows what the next few chapters have in store. This song is also what I titled chapter 4. It wad a last minute decision I made while trying to come up with a good title that wasn't stale.

Chapter 5

Hayloft by Mother Mother

The idea that Sean should hunt down Guillermo to kill him as revenge was inspired by a conversation I had with @/2offayyo-kzt. Sean is angry and grieved his lover Laszlo was killed unfairly. He believes murder is the answer.

An eye for an eye, a leg for a leg

A shot in the heart doesn't make it unbreak

She really didn't wanna make it messy

She really, really didn't, but the girl gone cray

Christmas (baby please come home)

I never planned for Simon to be in this fic but I started to think about how Simon would react to Laszlo's absence. It was a joke idea and then I thought a brief moment of comedy in this fic was what the story needed. While I was brainstorming I had found this tiktok and got this idea. I thought it would be fun to write Simon being trapped in this cheery environment while his heart has just been shattered to pieces. It's painfully ironic. Unlike the other songs in this soundtrack this one is diagetic. It's both taunting Simon and describes his feelings. He's desperate to see Laszlo again and he wants Laszlo to be home again more than anything.

Cause I remember when you were here

And all the fun we had last year

This line is in reference to Go Flip Yourself

The song repeats over and over "baby please come home" which is how desperate Simon is to be with Laszlo again.

Story of My Life by One Direction

This was a very risky decision I made while writing this fic. To me in only felt natural that Nadja would go through some kind of emotional journey during this time of grief. I just really wanted to write the moment that Nadja's ghost dissappears. It's like self reflection. This song is Nadja's first step into accepting Laszlo is gone. She begins to acknowledge the happy moments she had with Laszlo.

Sugarcloud from Ride The Cyclone

Nadja and her ghost have alot in common but I suspect there's dissonance when it comes to Laszlo. Nadja doll never got to meet Laszlo and doesn't quite understand what Nadja sees in him. She didn't get to experience falling in love with Laszlo. Nadja's ghost is under the impression that her life was a waste and her legacy is dependent on what she's known as in the vampire world. Nadja is obsessed with her reputation and strives for success to the point she neglects her own joy and falls into burnout. As Nadja recalls her life spent with Laszlo they both come to the realization that she doesn't need to prove her existence to anyone. Just being alive is enough and not having a grand legacy doesn't make her worthless. She'd undead but it still applies lol.

The way I see it Nadja became one with her ghost. She's no longer haunted by her childhood or insecurities. She's finally made peace with her truamas and allowing herself to rest. The reason she's taking up a small hobby earlier in the chapter is because she's trying to learn how to relax and just do something because it's fun and not to be good at it.

Chapter 6

One of Us from The Lion King 2

Months before I decided to write this fanfic I was already obsessed with the idea of the three vampire from the 2014 movie passing judgement to Guillermo. They would struggle to feel any compassion for him and only feel fear and hate for something dangerous they can't understand. I would listen to this imagining the potential conflict between the the three vampires and the main characters in the series on the topic of Guillermo. I always envisioned Nandor being the Nala sitting on the sidelines with everyone against his plea to spare Guillermo. Most characters see Guillermo as a threat and feel hurt by him. I specifically feel that this line fits Simon.

Someone once lied to us

Now we're not so blind!

& by Tally Hall

Guillermo has to face vampiric law and its very vicious and cruel. There's lots of tension and a significant lack of understanding.

When the golden rule and the jungle meet

There'll be nothing to love and there'll be no one to beat.

Oh, the things we know, the things we don't

Oh, the things we think, we can, will and won't

[CW: flashing in clip ] Hungover in the City of Dust by Autoheart

I'll be honest while I was writing the last two of this fic I wasn't in the best state mentally and at the time I'm writing this I don't feel any better. I let that feeling inspire how I wrote Guillermo. It was like a strange form of catharsis projecting all my hopeless thoughts and frustrations onto Guillermo. Guillermo is having the worst night of his life and he's barely keeping it together.

The Trial by Pink Floyd

While the title of this chapter is accurate to what happens its also referring to this song. Guillermo is in a cage being accused of his crimes but he's also at war with his own self loathing. Viago is this symbol of vampiric class and acts downright patronizing to him.

Hells Comin With Me

Simon wasn't supposed to return but I grew to love the idea that it was Simon who told the Vampiric Council about Guillermo crimes and arrest him. I wanted to play into the fact that Simon is a character that tends to return when we least expect it in canon. Now he's back and full of righteous anger.

I am the righteous hand of God

And I am the devil that you forgot

While I was writing this fic I was fleshing out my headcannons for Simon since he's a half baked character at the moment. I got this idea that Simon had this catholic past when he was alive and it sticks with him a bit as a vampire. One way is his shape-shifting abilities, when under high stress or anger, forms into something others would compare to a biblically accurate angel. It's something that would deeply scare Guillermo, who already has religious truama.

SURPRISE! A DELETED SCENE! :D

Bloom from Joseph King of Dreams

This was deleted due to pacing issues and it just felt out of place. This would take place after the trial with Guillermo telling The Barron everything. The Barron feels sorrowful yet sympathetic. He's not proud of who had been in the past and for thinking he was above all of mankind. He had changed and he believes Guillermo can grow from this too.

You've seen the damage words can do

When full of thoughtless pride

Now heed the wiser voice in you

That calls to be your guide

One Normal Night from The Addams Family the musical

I'm not a huge fan of this musical. I feel like it misses the point of The Addams Family, which is radical acceptance in a conservative society. However I do love the artists and editors who show their favorite characters experiencing a traumatic night where stuff just keeps happening to them. I think Guillermo is in a similar situation in this fic

While My Guitar Gently Weeps by The Beatles

I don't think the men who are The Beatles are good people. I think I owe my love for their songs to the obscure movie Cirque Du Soleil. There's a handful of artistic and abstract interpretations of their songs. In this movie this song is visualized as a widow who lost her husband to war. I bring this up as it was inspiration for writing Nandor's grief for Laszlo. Their relationship soured and Nandor will never have closure with Laszlo. He regrets that he didn't appreciate Laszlo enough while he had him. He also wonders if things would be different if he expressed his love for Guillermo sooner.

Chapter 7

Runs in the Family by Amanda Palmer

This was another part I projected myself into. Guillermo hates who his family is. He's a Van Helsing and no matter how much he denys it or tries to hide it, it will always come back to him.

I cannot, I cannot, I cannot run from my family

They're hiding inside of me, corpses on ice

Guillermo has ran from many things in his life. He's ran from his sexuality and the catholic church but it's always there to haunt him. He's quite literally become a criminal on the run and he's not proud of it.

Mary, have mercy, now look what I've done

But don't blame me because I can't help where I come from

And running is something that we've always done well

And mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from

Grenade by Bruno Mars

Nandor has this unconditional love for Guillermo and while he struggles to vocalize or or express it in a productive way he does cause him to do pretty stupid things. Nandor would literally die for him. Guillermo does feel the same but he's a coward. Besides neither of them could communicate.

Lullaby for a Princess by ponyphonic

Guillermo and Nandor are doomed, in this timeline at least. Nandor doesn't appreciate Guillermo. Nandor didn't support him when he wasn't given any respect. No matter how much Guillermo demand to become a vampire, he refuses to turn him in fear of the consequences but mostly because of his pride. So Guillermo took things into his own hands and became a vampire without him. Guillermo refused to listen to Laszlo's criticism and it resulted in something Guillermo regrets. Nandor knows their relationship us doomed but he still wishes him well as they're forced apart.

The years now before us

Fearful and unknown

I never imagined

I'd face them on my own

May these thousand winters

Swiftly pass, I pray

I love you, I miss you

All these miles away

Everything I do, I do it for You

I remember this song from the movie Robin Hood. I don't remember much of the movie but I remember how the song made me feel. It was like this knight in shinning armor kind of song where you fantasize about rescuing someone you adore or the person rescuing you. I associate alot of 80s dad rock with Nandor. It's romantic and its the ideal type of romance Nandor desires.

The Best of Friends from The Fox and The Hound

Before I really had a clear idea of the conclusion I wanted for this movie, I watched two movies for inspiration. I watched Brother Bear and The Fox and The Hound. The latter was the direct inspiration for the conclusion. I think Guillermo and Nandor are similar to Todd and Cooper. Guillermo is the troublesome fox who keeps causing trouble and accidental harm. Nandor wants to love Guillermo and defend him but he knows they should be enemies and their relationship might be impossible to have without issues.

When these moments have passed

Will that friendship last

Who can't say there's a way

Oh, I hope

I hope it never ends

'Cause you're the best of friends

The scene where Cooper stands in front of Todd to protect him is a touching scene. There's not really a solid answer to the issue. They all go their separate ways and decide to give up the chase. The rabid warewolf is a parallel to the bear Todd fights and Sean parallels Amos Slade who's mind is set on revenge. Nandor's eyes are based on how Cooper stares at his master, pleading for mercy. Nandor's eyes are full of emotion and it works to my advantage for this fanfiction. Sean gives up and chooses peace. Nandor and Guillermo separate on good terms but they will never forget their friendship.

#what we do in the shadows #nandermo #laszlin #laszlo x nadja #laszlo x simon #seanszlo #laszlo x nandor #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #nadja x nandor #nadja of antipaxos #nadja cravensworth #colin robinson #Laszlo Cravensworth #simon the devious #viago wwdits #wwdits the baron #wwdits fanfiction #wwdits fanfic

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johaerys-writes · 10 months

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For the ficwriter asks! 💫🎀🎈💞

[Writing asks]

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Honestly any kind of (positive) feedback is good feedback in my book, I just love to know that readers are enjoying what I've written even if it’s a small comment. I love when someone tells me how the chapter/work has impacted them, what sort of emotions it gave them or when they point out something that I hadn't even realised myself when I was writing lol-- sometimes there are themes or motifs or other small details that pop out over the course of sharing a longer work and I love when readers pick that up and tell me about it. It’s almost like seeing the work through someone else's eyes which as a writer it isn’t easy to do! Mainly, I just like talking about the characters that I spend so long thinking about and writing about and being obsessed with lol.

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

Aah I didn't think this was going to be this hard!! 😅 Okay so... I think that my writing is quite immersive? I love creating a lush and vivid picture whenever I can, or delving deep into a character's emotions and thoughts, and I feel like that is something that comes across to the reader as well.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

I'm not sure if what is meant here is the way someone writes (whether someone is a pantser or a planner) or if it's about the writing/prose itself? In this case, I feel like both of those things have sort of changed over the years, or depending on what I'm working on.... In some works I feel like I am more verbose than others for instance. Like whenever I'm writing Patroclus POV my mind often goes into overdrive describing how gorgeous Achilles is LOL he just does that 😂 I also think that my writing becomes less lyrical as time goes on but maybe that's my insecurities creeping in about it being a little flat lately lmaooo. Another thing that has changed is that I used to be able to write somewhat complex and involved plots but for some reason I don't feel like I can do that anymore 😭 it's all vibes man

As for my writing process, I feel like I started mainly as a pantser/planner hybrid, in the sense that I always had an idea of the ending I was writing towards but would make up a lot as I went, but as I gained more experience and figured out an outlining process that works for me, I've become mainly a planner. I still don't often write detailed outlines down, I mostly have it all in my head but it tends to be very clearly laid out before I even start writing.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

Oooh good question. Honestly, I think it’s the plot, with the worldbuilding a close second. I have read entire books or fics where the writing was very mediocre and even had many mistakes just because the premise was interesting and the story kept being interesting, or because the worldbuilding was very engaging. On the other hand, I have abandoned stories where the prose itself was good just because the story was awful lol. As for the characters, I still feel like a strong plot can carry along even a character that isn't as strongly written. However, an interesting character in an uninteresting plot will just get lost regardless.

#johaerys answers #on writing

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euryalex · 2 years

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what's your OC's role in the tragic play?

Got tagged by the lovely @captastra (thank you!!) to do this uQuiz for my OCs. Gonna do my newbie, Winona, and my Witcher OCs :)

Winona Reid - 𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔱 you're so hot. sorry about the horrors. you're the kind of person people immediately notice. whether you have a distinct style, are more outgoing, or are just plain beautiful, you make an impression. people usually feel the need to protect you, which probably frustrates you to no end. you're not weak! you're not fragile! you're not helpless! but the people in your life tend to disagree. maybe it's your lover, the protagonist, trying to keep you out of their own turmoil. maybe it's someone responsible for you in some way, keeping you away from your lover, while they head down an increasingly dark path. regardless, all you really want is a sense of autonomy! unfortunately, you're very likely to die before that happens. the audience will be so caught up in the grief your death causes the protagonist that they forget to grieve you as a person. you deserved better, but unfortunately this is not your story. maybe it should have been.

Widris Van Vliet - 𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔭𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔫𝔞𝔯𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔬𝔯 this story is a cycle, and you're spinning around it like a hamster in a ball being tormented by a cat. you know how this story ends. after all, you've told it a thousand times. but you try to change it every time. you love the people in this story more than anything. so watching them fall victim to the narrative breaks you in a way you can't begin to describe. but all you can do is tell the story── their story── with tears in your eyes. you're prone to anxiety and feelings of helplessness. you have so much love in your heart, and for once you wish it would change something. it didn't. it doesn't. it won't. but you refuse to stop telling the story. and you refuse to stop loving the people in it. in this way, no one is stronger than you. you just wish being strong hurt less.

Delphi - 𝔪𝔦𝔰𝔲𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔯𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔬𝔡 𝔳𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞𝔦𝔫 prepare for an onslaught of both the most dehumanizing and hateful takes, and flood of thirst comments. you are chronically misunderstood. whether or not you're actually evil is debatable. you may be acting out for revenge, to defend someone you love, or even just to protect yourself. you're a pretty jaded person. you don't trust or even really like most people. maybe you did at one point. but that part of you is gone, and you don't go a single day without grieving it. you think a lot about what your life could have been. you're stuck in the past. you're angry and maybe you don't even want to be, but this is the only way you can see to survive. you're open, but less in a trusting way and more like a wound. you don't like to let people see you, but the hurt spills out of you before you can stop it. you're impulsive, even as you try hard to plan and prepare. maybe someday your side of the story will finally be heard. until then, you can convince yourself that being hated is safer anyway.

Arnen Vilaff - 𝔟𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔬𝔫𝔦𝔰𝔱 you're the star of the show, baby! and boy does that come with a lot of emotional turmoil. you have a seemingly endless supply of determination. whether you have a lot of goals, or one big one, you're constantly working towards it. you're pretty restless, and struggle with imposter syndrome and generally feeling like you should be doing more. your insecurity might not be immediately obvious to others, however, as you come across as very strong and bold. vulnerability is not your strong suit, and that's likely to be your downfall. if only you had just let people in, and asked for help… well, maybe this was always gonna be a tragedy.

Tagging anyone who wants to do this!! Seriously 100% mean this, just tag me as if I tagged you and I'd love to get to know your OCs!!

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watching-pictures-move · 2 years

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Movie Review | Single White Female (Schroeder, 1992)

This review contains mild spoilers.

I don't know how much this comes across in my writing, but I am not good at making new friends in real life. I am frequently socially awkward. I am usually not sure how much I want to open up and make myself vulnerable, so I can come across as either cold or a lousy conversationalist, or worse, downright weird. And when I do manage to make friends, there's sometimes a certain lingering insecurity, a question of whether they consider me to be as close a friend to them as I consider them to me that nags at the back of my neck. I think one of the reasons I find online interactions easier is that, depending on where you are on the internet, you're presenting that interiority up front, allowing people to get a sense of who you are and what interests you have before they begin talking to you, that helps cut out that initial awkwardness.

These are things that I was chewing over during the first act of Single White Female, which I think captures this tension in the Jennifer Jason Leigh character. When we first meet her, there's a certain ambiguity over whether this person is just awkward, overeager, excited to make a new friend, or whether this person really is insane. We see her gently insinuating herself into the life of Bridget Fonda's heroine, in ways that cross boundaries but with uncertain intent, but we see Fonda essentially do that same thing, as she starts going through Leigh's things when she thinks she isn't looking. This is a lot more invasive than going through someone's online posts and pulling up their social media profiles, but perhaps the impulses behind them aren't too far apart. When Fonda makes the decision to get back with her fiance, after Leigh has clung to her so closely and begun shaping her identity around her, I didn't find it hard to understand why Leigh would view this as a betrayal.

Leigh plays this material empathetically, and her performance is the primary reason to watch this movie. I am less enamoured, however, with the way the movie frames her. There are forebears for this movie's premise, but I don't get the sense the movie wants us to fully identify with Leigh's character, eyeing her from a distance, likely so it can function as a thriller through its initial ambiguity, but failing to implicate us in either her or the heroine's actions and motivations, like, say, Alfred Hitchcock was wont to do. My familiarity with Barbet Schroeder's work is limited to his documentaries, and perhaps there are similarities in how both this and General Idi Amin Dada gawk at their deranged subjects, but I think that works better in the unyielding pitch black cringe comedy framework of the other movie than in the slickly crafted thriller mode this movie operates in.

The style can likely be described as gentrified giallo, having some of the same verve and appeals to warped psychology, but never really committing to the perversity or externalizing the characters' headspace. The movie is far from sexless, but doesn't go in the more perverse directions that Hitchcock or one of the Italians could have taken it in. ("Not perverted enough" is another complaint coming out of my garbage viewing habits, although this time I can cite some classier directors.) There are appeals to yuppie anxieties, but no real sense of economic insecurity from either character (although these strains do allow the movie to introduce a nicely unctuous Stephen Tobolowsky performance). I feel like I am watching something play out from a distance, not like something is happening to me. But like I said, there is some good thrillering here, with two of its best moments (a chipper conversation where the heroine turns out to be gagged and duct taped to a chair, and an anguished monologue revealed to be a suicide note the villain is dictating) hinging on reversals, and at least one shot that looks suspiciously like a key image from Nightdreams. I have no idea if Schroeder's seen that other movie, but it's fun to speculate.

#film #movie review #single white female #barbet schroeder

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thngsoftheconsciousmnd · 1 year

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Today is Sunny but Chilly

Today's weather feels like it relates to me. It's finally been cooling off here in Japan and it's really insane that the weather changed so fast. It was boiling just a few days ago but I can easily wear a sweatshirt all day at school nowadays. I woke up from a very deep sleep today and wasn't that tired? Like I wanted to continue my sleep but I didn't wake up and just feel exhausted. I talked to my SO yesterday about my insecurities and the way he words things. We had the same conversation a few times prior and honestly it was really hard to just come out and admit my insecurities. I felt like I would be compared to the people around him. He finally cleared up this double misunderstanding we had. I had explained how I felt like he compared me to his models and that I'm less beautiful, and he never corrected me. So I know that was double swirling around in my head. However, hearing him reexplain it when I was in a more stable/sound mind allowed me to hear what he was actually saying. And honestly? I think it was a compliment. Where outer beauty isn't that important to him anymore but how a person really acts. I also told him that I felt like he put me on a tightrope and that if I fuck up he would just throw me away. He reassured me that wasn't the case. And said if I fuck up 100% he wants to help me only fuck up 80% next time. At the time it wasn't the answer I was expecting but I'm tearing up at this while writing it. I feel like I haven't had as many negative thoughts today (its early but lets keep the roll!).

I realized that in my past relationships I was with people that were willing to throw out their sense of self to fit a mold that I was forcing on them. I remember getting upset with my last SO and him just taking it. I remember telling him I hated it when he complained. If you complain, use that energy to go and fix what's bothering you. I think I took a lot of inner problems out on him, and got used to that toxic way of treating him. I realized recently (after taking my attachment style quiz) that things from the past just live rotting and festering under the surface. Things that I just buried and was like "yeah that didn't happen" did indeed happen and I can't just wish them away. I need to work on slowly digging some of those things up and giving forgiveness. Forgive myself and the other person.

I was rereading the "How to Stop Being a Narcissist" article again and saw this. "If you continue with unhealthy habits, like bashing or shaming yourself for being vulnerable, your behavior will never change. Everyone is imperfect and deserving of unconditional love. Practicing self-love can help you heal internal emotional wounds and develop compassion toward the world around you." I want to learn how to forgive myself and allow myself to make these mistakes. I'm imperfect and so is everyone else. It would be unfair for them to judge me as perfect. I struggle, maybe more than others do, but that doesn't make me wrong. I still deserve unconditional love. I remember thinking about how I beat myself up when I think of old memories that happened and the thought "but have I done that again ever since?" no? That shows growth.

Today is about realizing the coldness of the day but also realizing that I deserve a sweater to warm me up.

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cometchasr · 1 year

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4, 10 or 17 for the ask game?

ask game

this ended up being extremely long so all of it is under cu

4. What's a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

tbh i have no clue. i love writing fluff and angst, but i fucking love fluff. good fluff, and by "good" i mean "fulfills a very specific set of requirements that makes my heart melt". i think some good candidates would be "cuddle" (with adjectives and description of character's emotions) and "(insert thing that means said softly here)". generally i tend to go crazy over specific sections of text more than single words... like, give me soft cute gay fluff written the way i like it and i will die of happiness.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

i've never thought of this properly before. what would "haunted" mean? how would it work? i'd feel like it would mean that the work has left a big impact on me and how i do things. it "haunts" me because you will see echoes of it in my work, because i keep looking up to it as a role model unrealistically knowing that whatever i see is after editing, after betas and from someone with more experience, and i'm trying to get raw drafts up to that quality. so fun. anyways, works that have haunted me, in order:

Shadow of the Mind and Different Threads by Firehawk1100 on ffn and ao3. WoF. this was way back when i was writing broken draft 1, because his works were so long (to me back then). i wanted to make my work that long. yeah. then i got into warriors and tdp, and i started losing interest in WoF... so this ended.

the Exile AU by @/troutfur, @/kudossi and @/mallowstep. warriors. as you know utopia is based off this. it was a very important experience, because mallow's use of brackets echoes in my work, and so do the titles, and so does the method of using oneshots. probably one of my most important influences, just because. how much of what makes my writing style what it is came from here. there is only one other fic that reached this level. i thus find it slightly funny that mallow, who is one of the people that have influenced my writing incredibly, has me blocked. it's just a little bit funny

I Am Arthur Wellesley: An Iron Duke SI by Sarthak on alternatehistory.com. it actually didn't influence anything you've seen yet, but it haunts me. i keep thinking about it. it is dead, which i find infuriating. but it was the first AH story i read, and it basically told me how to write an SI fic, in the traditional sense. tdp si is influenced by this. actually you could put a lot of AH.com stories here but IAAW was the first i read, so i put it here. other good contenders are The American Dream by okmangeez and Purple Phoenix Reborn by Sersor.

finally, Warped Skies by @team-ion. in the flesh. DoP, as you know, was started literally because i read this and went "oh shit i want to make something like this". this is the other fic. a non-negligible portion of DoP's worldbuilding is directly taken from there. not a very significant portion, but one large enough that i can't hide it. the only reason the portion isn't bigger is because a) i actually need this to be original and b) i need to ask a lot of stupid questions like "how does primal dialga KGB work" and "what is the feasibility of manufacture of X in PMD world" and "can quadrupeds gain enough breath support to sing". but for me, this is THE pmd fic of all time (that's also because i havent read many others but shhh). it's beautiful. haven't read through the whole thing because it's still long as fuck, but it's beautiful. this is the other fic that made me insecure about word count again, but then i managed to make DoP's chapters three times as long as every other fic's through the sheer power of dialogue, so that got solved rather easily. it's always in the back of my mind because it's fucking good and i quite directly and blatantly based DoP off of it. also we're both on PMDWU and i'm a less effective version of him when it comes to being a writing demon. it's so fun.

that was long as fuck.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

oh boy which one to choose. (spins the wheel) (yes i use a name wheel i have too many things to juggle shush)

tdp si. right. literally just started this, so... yeah. very much based off IAAW. chapter 1 (done, unedited) is just over 1k long, i think. but i dont care! this one's all about the POLITICAL SHENANIGANS and those are later on! >:D

so. stas is adopted by annika and neha. they are an absolute joy to write. imagine how i wrote zanrex, but different. yes, i love fluff. i already said that, i believe. they bring him around everywhere, which means this baby sits through council meetings and everything. of course, he's a baby, so he sleeps through most of them... but he gets through one whole meeting once, beating his body.

also stas is panicking slightly because he knows annika and neha are going to die at some point, and then he has a nine year timer until things go to shit, more or less. depends on how fast viren is able to convince harrow. i know butterfly effect but i actually need the show to happen ok? but right now he's 1 year old and very much wants to enjoy himself while he can.

(what he doesnt know is that annika and neha will die when he's 4)

#mine #qna

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mydearzero · 2 years

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i'm not sure if you write chubby! readers, but if you do, could i request a gender neutral chubby reader where they feel insecure because they can clearly see that someone much thinner would look better with eddie, but he reassures reader that he only loves them and says that he actually likes their chubbiness? like he loves their chubby cheeks, love handles etc. i'm chubby myself and there's no stuff like this with eddie really, so i just wanted to request this if that's okay :>

As a chubby person myself I love this request! But as someone who has a past with ED I do want to want to preface this with a trigger warning because I might've been projecting a little (a lot) this was kind of hard to write lol

All The Pretty Parts | E.M. x Chubby!GN!Reader

Masterlist

Summary: You didn't understand how Eddie could be with you when there were people so much skinnier than you who he could date. Eddie wanted to make sure those thoughts were left far behind.

chubby!gn!reader. no pronouns or descriptions used.

Angst to fluff

906 words

Warning: Probably triggering for EDs and other body image related issues.

Nancy Wheeler was a subject of your thoughts more often than you'd like. She was one of your best friends and cared for you, like she did all her friends. But you just couldn't help it. You couldn't help but have feelings of resentment. Jealousy.

Whenever she stood next to Eddie, it was impossible not to notice how nice she looked next to him. It made sense. She was so much smaller than him. Smaller than you.

You didn't know what Eddie even saw in you. How he had it in him to look at you and not be disgusted. Did he not see how much better he'd look with someone like Nancy by his side?

You could feel it as you cuddled with him at night. You saw it when he walked by your side past a window. Saw it in the polaroids adorning his room. Fat.

You couldn't help but be conscious of every bite you took. Be aware of which clothes hid you the best. How to style your hair to make your face less round. Anything so Eddie wouldn't see.

But Eddie saw. You noticed how he'd watch you when you were eating. He'd be watching when you covered yourself up.

Eddie always noticed you when you were trying your best to hide.

Eddie also noticed how you tensed when Nancy talked about anything. Clothes, hair, make-up, hell, Wheeler could be talking about how her shit looked in the toilet and you'd be hanging onto her every word. He knew you weren't always interested in what she was talking about, so how come Nancy was better at holding your attention than he was?

Until he realised why. You were comparing yourself to anything and everything Nancy did. At first, he didn't understand. What was so remarkable about Nancy? Sure, she was nice, and a good friend, but so were you.

But then he remembered how you'd cover up instinctively whenever someone even dared to spare you a glance. How you'd poke around the food on your plate, but never quite finish. The smile in pictures that never quite reached your eyes. How you tried to make sure Eddie's hands were never touching your stomach as you were cuddling.

You were comparing yourself to Nancy because she was skinny.

He'd known you weren't always the most comfortable in your own skin. But until now, he hadn't thought much of it. Now he'd noticed he couldn't fucking stand it. It was consuming you. Leaving you as a shell of your former self with every dark thought that crossed your mind. Eating you alive.

Eddie wanted to assure you he loved you for you. He liked you exactly the way you were. But he knew if he were to right out say something, you'd never accept it. So he had to show you just how much he loved you.

He'd grab your cheeks randomly and kiss them until they were rosy. "I love these cheeks so much. They're so freaking adorable." Then he'd walk away as if nothing had happened.

When things were getting heated, he'd slowly trail his hands down your sides to rest on your love handles. You'd try and hide, but he'd kiss your neck, holding them and telling you how incredibly sexy he thought they were.

You were surprised to see Eddie take up the habit of making you breakfast. He was the exact opposite of a morning person and definitely not a good cook. He still made you breakfast every day regardless and didn't let you leave until you'd finished every crumb of slightly burned toast.

When your legs were on his lap, shirt ridden up while watching a movie, he'd trail his fingers over your stretch marks. You'd try and stop him. Tell him it tingles, because why the hell would he do that? "Just like 'em." He'd shrug.

And it was working. You were opening up. No longer watching Nancy like a hawk. Eddie knew there was a long way to go before you'd accept that he loved you, even if you weren't skinny. But he had a feeling there'd be time. So much time.

"I wanna grow old with you, you know." He'd dropped on you on a rainy Sunday afternoon. "Can't believe you're mine sometimes. You're just so gorgeous."

"Eddie, stop! You don't know what you're talking about." You laughed. But Eddie was dead serious.

"I do, sweetheart. You are the most beautiful specimen I've ever laid my eyes on. Don't you ever dare break up with me, because I don't think I'd survive."

"You're serious? Eddie, you could do so much better than me! You're so attractive it drives me nuts. If either of us doesn't deserve the other, it's me."

"Drive you nuts? You drive me nuts. Those phenomenal thighs? Those adorable cheeks? You wanna know my favourite part? Your stomach and hips, it feels so nice to hold them at night when you're snuggled up against me. And don't get me started on the rest of you because I'm very comfortable sitting here and frankly feeling way too lazy to get turned on right now."

"You really mean it? You actually like those parts about me?" You were stunned as Eddie one by one pointed out your insecurities. All you got in return was a love-filled gaze.

"I told you, I wanna grow old with you. I like those parts and then some."

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klutzyroses · 2 years

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Hi there as promised here it is my request :D The mansion residents have their s/o who feels insecure about her worth compated to them and low key insecure about their body too since they think to not be beautiful and are afraid their bigbreast are not attractive. No rush Take care Have a wonderful day :D

Here you go, dear! It's a quite spicy though!🔥

IkeVamp HCs: Insecure Busty S/O

How do they react to their large breasted, self conscious s/o feeling insignificant compared to them?

Suitors: Mansion residents

Tags: NSFW, body insecurities, body worship

Napoleon

He noticed lately that you had begun to act a little...strange. He couldn't quite understand what it was, but he was getting a feeling something wasn't right. It was little things.

How you dress; you seemed to wear less form fitting clothing around your ample chest. He figured it was your sense of style.

How you interacted with him; you seemed to speak to him in a manner that made it seem like he was superior to you. He didn't like it. Not at all.

You couldn't help it though. You just felt so...little, compared to him. He was the great Napoleon Bonaparte, the hero, the soldier, the emperor...the most perfect boyfriend you could ask for. And then...there was you. How you could possibly match up to him? How could you ever hope to be worthy of standing at his side?

He puts up with your odd little habits for a little while because he doesn't want to put you on the spot.

It's only when you make a self depreciating, half hearted joke about him being way out of your league that he has had enough.

He takes you by the hand and leads you somewhere where you could be alone. He gently, yet firmly pins one of your hands above your head, moving in closer you as your world is filled by the jade of his eyes. You rarely see him so serious, so stern, yet passion and love gleamed as well in those orbs.

"Why would you say that?"

A simple question, yet asked with so much emotion, it got the answers out of you quickly.

"I...I'm not good...enough for you, I...I'm not special like you. You're Napoleon...The Napoleon Bonaparte and I'm...me. Just me and these...ridiculous balloons!"

Your frustrated insults towards your breasts angers him a bit, though he manages to stave his temper in order to not frighten you.

How could you ever think like that? How could you ever doubt your worth? Don't you know how precious you are? It's more than he could stand.

"Nunuche!"

It comes out harsher than he intended but it gets your attention as you gape at him with your glassy wet eyes.

"You're wrong. You've never been more wrong. There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. I came back to life to be a normal man. Not to be a emperor or a conqueror. I came back to be with you and only you. I don't need anything other than you, every perfect inch of you."

He punctuates his words by pressing kisses upon your plump breasts, holding you still as you shiver and whine under each meaningful touch before he claims your lips in a heart melting kiss. He wanted you to understand, you are everything he has ever wanted, all he could ever need, every curve, line, dip of your alluring body enticed and excited him. And he was going to prove it to you just how much he needs you.

Leonardo

To be honest, he would kill those feelings dead the second he noticed how you were acting. He always loved you the way you were. Your humanity, your curves, your smile, all of you.

So when you began to feel insecure, he picked up on it fairly quickly. How you felt about yourself, your body, your worth, comparing yourself to him, he could already see right through you, what you were thinking and when you were thinking it.

He will very much take you to his room for the evening and when you are comfortable in his arms, he will flat out question you, not bothering to beat around the bush, yet not being aggressive either.

"Tell me what's on your mind?"

If you don't put up any resistance, he won't have to get it out of you, which is good for you, because trust and believe if he wants to get answers, he will.

"Leonardo...are you sure you want to be with me?"

"Hm?"

He suspected you were having insecurities but it was different to hear it directly from your lips. It stung more when it came from you.

"Don't you think you could do better? Aren't you...settling?"

"You think I'm settling, Cara mia?"

"Why not, I mean...look at me. I'm not half the amazing person you are and I'm shaped so awkwardly and-hey!"

You were interrupted by Leo suddenly cupped a hand under your left breast over your night dress without shame or any form of hesitation.

"You've got some wild ideas, you know. Don't you know by now? You're perfect, tesoro. Every inch of you is stunning."

"L...Leona-Oh!"

His thumb gently slides against the top of your breast before slowly sneaking into your dress to rub on your nipple directly.

"You're a beauty, made with love and care from head to toe. Anyone could tell you that. And I'm the lucky guy to have won you over."

Littering kisses on your neck, your sighs and whimpers echo in his ears and heart as he pulls your back closer to his chest.

"And I'm going to remind you how much I appreciate you, Bella mia."

He punctuates that by lightly pinching the bud, signaling the beginning of a long passionate night.

Mozart

He probably wouldn't immediately notice something was wrong at first. He figured maybe you were having an off day when you started acting strange.

You seemed to take his harsher words a little harder than usual, you took more time to dress yourself differently than normal, almost as though you wanted to hide beneath the layers.

He doesn't address it for quite some time, he thinks maybe you're going through some...woman things but when it goes on for more than a week or two, he realizes that isn't the case and something more is wrong. It was getting a little worse the more time went on and he was getting worried, no matter how much he convinced himself he wasn't.

He confronted you while you were seated next to him at the piano. You had made a timid comment about you being around was probably an irritating distraction, which makes him stop midway through the melody. He stays there for a moment, his fingers numb over the keys before he turns to you with an almost glacial glare in the violet eyes.

"Who said you were irritating me?"

"...I just did?"

Your sheepish answer made his jaw tense up, so you quickly explain your sentiments.

"Mozart, I...well, don't you think you got the short straw when you got me? I mean, I'm not elegant, or talented like you and...and I'm awkward looking, my body is shaped horribly, I could never hope to be enough for you. I still remember you used to hate me the first day you met me and I-"

You're interrupted when the musician presses the piano keys a little harder than he meant to, startling you slightly.

You flinch back, only to be pulled closer to him still.

"You're ridiculous. Absolutely, insufferably ridiculous. Where do you get these ideas from? What could possibly be wrong with you, or your body? Don't you understand? You're the reason I play and enjoy it. My music takes on a life of its own when I'm with you. You are the melody in my heart, the never ending aria running through my mind. You are my treasure, mein liebe...So don't say such things ever again."

As you stare back at him stunned by his passionate and earnest proclamation, your spine straightens when you feel his hand around your waist as he settles you between his legs on the bench.

"I'll show you how much you mean to me."

His careful hand caresses your stomach through your corseted dress before those elegant fingers rise to gently part the collar, causing you to shiver as his digits rub your cleavage before slipping inside to further fondle you, his gentle and meticulous touches sending pleasurable shivers all over your body as he slips your dress off your shoulders completely.

Arthur

The ever observant writer had begun to notice when you had started acting out of character. How you would gently redirect his hands away from your breasts during your passionate nights, or you insisted on not disturbing him at all during his writing, or how you would seem to try and indulge him all the time.

He was worried, no doubt about it. In the back of his mind, he had an idea of what might be going on in that pretty head to be causing you to act this way but he didn't really want to consider it. You were so perfect, what could possibly be wrong with you?

But it only got worse over time. When you went out with him in public, you could see how his admirers lusted after him, even though he was clearly spoken for. How he remained surrounded by beautiful women, women who pin you with the most hateful, seething glares. You thought it was in disdain and superiority but in truth, it was out of jealousy.

Not just because you were with Arthur, it was also because of your body. They couldn't stand the fact that not only does Arthur no longer gave them the time of day, but the cause was the buxom beauty by his side. They were terribly, painfully envious of you.

Whatever the reason was, their stares made you feel even less adequate. You felt as though they were above you, so much better than you, Arthur deserved more than just...you.

Your feelings build up for some time and it all comes to a head one day when one of his former flings approached, a beautiful and elegant woman, hit on him right in front of you and when Arthur not only rejects her, but shows you off, a gorgeous woman with large breasts and a humble demeanor, the look she gives you is absolutely scathing, you would be ash, if looks could kill.

She makes a snide comment about Arthur having fun with his "empty headed busty doll" before she storms off and it's all it takes to have you in tears and run off, leaving Arthur stunned.

He doesn't take much time at all to find you again, his heart aching with worry and brings you back home for a long talk about your sudden reaction. He has you sit in his room and prods you for information.

"Arthur...why are you with me? You can do better...you've done better! You're surrounded by pretty girls all the time and...and I'm nothing like them, nothing like you! I can't match up to those women, how can I ever hope to be enough for you, I'm not...I'm not pretty or special, my body looks weird and-mph!"

Your tearful ranting is cut off by Arthur's lips crashing on yours. When he pulls away for a few inches, he interrupts your attempt at speaking with another kiss. And another and another until you give in to his ardent affection. He keeps kissing you and kissing you until you are a flustered mess and when he eventually stops, his sapphire eyes filled with pain, love, hurt and need as he holds your face in his hands to make sure you were only looking at him.

"Luv...I don't know how you started thinking like that but you are wrong. So impossibly, unreasonably wrong. Since the day I laid eyes on you, every other woman dimmed in comparison. How can I look at any other, when I have the most beautiful, perfect woman on my arm?"

He slides his large hands down your sides, caressing your curves under your clothes until you sigh. He deftly undresses you, marveling at your beauty.

"You drive me mad, love. You make my mouth water..."

He couldn't help but groan as he peppered kisses on your abdomen, working his way up your curvaceous physique and reveling in your sighs and moans then planting deeper kisses on your bountiful cleavage before pushing you on your back to show you his love and desire in its entirety.

Theo

Theo was no fool. He very quickly caught on that something was bothering you.

Sometimes you were absolutely silent when he teased you, or when he was with an associate, you went above and beyond to make sure you behaved as well as you could. Even off handed comments about yourself you thought he would brush off, he would take notice and commit them to memory

Theo, in all honesty, is not unfamiliar with the feeling of inferiority. He always compared himself to Vincent in many ways almost constantly, and he recognized similar behaviors in you and...he did not like it.

He had no intention of letting it go any further than it already had. So it isn't long before he grabs your arm and tugs you with him to be alone, despite your startled protests. Once it was just you and him, he folded his arms and shot you a glare as he stood face to face with you,

He was a lot taller than you, thus his mien made him all the more intimidating as he towered over you, reminding you of how much better you felt he was than you, how you felt you were not on his level, how insignificant you felt compared to him. it may seem imposing to you but he is concerned. He really is. He just wants to help you feel better before the problem got any worse. He may be acting brashly and kind of scary about it but all he wants is for you to be okay. That's all he wants.

"Talk hondje. What's going on?"

Gruff words, yet a gentler tone. That was Theo for you. And your response almost made his blood boil a little, if he was being honest.

"Theo, be honest...are you happy with me?"

"What?"

"Listen, I... I know you don't think it, but you're so incredible and passionate and talented and...then you have me. I could never match up to you. I mean, look at me. I'm...ordinary and my body is really-"

Your back meets the wall as your hands are pinned to it. The anger burns in those electric blue eyes as they narrow at you, almost dark with the storm clouds brewing within them, so fierce it silences you.

"Your body is really what?"

His tone dares you to target an insult towards your body which is perfect to him, so flawlessly sexy, enticing, he could barely resist you on a daily basis.

You can't bring yourself to finish your sentence, only because Theo looks so mad and...hurt. Hurt that you see yourself in such a negative light.

"Hondje, of all the things you've said, that is probably the most stupid and thoughtless. Have you seen yourself? You're completely, utterly, unbelievably gorgeous. You can't imagine how special you are."

He presses his forehead to yours, his expression softening more.

"I need you."

Gentle, soft, a little shaky with emotion as he looks into your sparkling eyes, admiring the gorgeous color before leaning forward to claim you in an ardent kiss. He effortlessly lifts you onto the nightstand as he unbuttons your dress, baring your shoulders and breasts to him. His eyes almost seem to glow with a look of passion and lust as a cunning smirk is written into his features.

"Looks like I haven't been paying enough attention to my hondje if she has the time to be thinking such ridiculous things. I'll remedy that."

Your only possible response is to cry out when he twists a nipple suddenly with his fingers, causing a shock of pleasure to run up your spine, the first of many of that evening, if his wandering hand beneath your skirts were any indication.

Vincent

He had sensed a slight change in you but he was having difficulty understanding what it was and why.

For the longest time, he has wanted to paint you but for one reason or the other, you always found a reason that you couldn't. He didn't want to push you if you didn't want to but he had a feeling that wasn't quite it. He really wasn't sure what it was but he reckoned it had something to do with the way you had begun to be more modest in your manner of dressing, especially when it came to your cleavage, which you seemed very conscious of.

Your gentle beau was very much worried about you and it showed in the blue sky of his eyes as he watches you go about your day. What could possibly be wrong?

One day he simply can't take it anymore and kindly asks you into his room, where he struggles with the question for a little bit, before simply asking you if something is wrong. After a slight struggle to get it out of you, your answer very nearly makes him wish he hadn't asked.

"Vincent...when you asked me to...the other day, when you asked to paint me...it's not that I didn't want you to, it's just that...well...Don't you want to spend your time painting something pretty?"

Vincent wasn't sure if the cracking sound he just heard was his paintbrush caving under his sudden tight grip, or his heart breaking.

"I mean...You're THE Vincent Van Gogh. One of the- No, the greatest artist to walk the earth! Why waste any of your paints on me and my...weirdly shaped body."

"..."

That's when it all clicks in his head where the problem lies. Well then.

"Y/N, do you standing up for me?"

Though confused, you do so and he gently moves you in front of a small round mirror in the corner of the room. With slow, thoughtful fingers, he undoes your dress little by little, meeting your now wide eyes in the glass.

"Do you trust me?"

It only takes his tender tone in your ear and the loving smile in the mirror to calm your nerves enough to nod as he slowly frees you of your garments until you are bare to the mirror, cradled to his chest as he brushes your hair onto your shoulder so he sees you in your entirety.

"You are so beautiful. So, so beautiful. I could stare at you all day."

Soft and oh so genuine. Not a hint of exaggeration or embellishment for your sake, because it's the truth and nothing but the truth. He presses deep kisses to your shoulder, up to your neck and then your cheek.

"You're the most beautiful I have ever seen..."

His whispers of love are accompanied by roaming hands stroking your hips and gently cupping your breasts as he rubs the undersides, smiling at your expression of need in the mirror, before proceeding to pleasure you even more.

Isaac

He could swear something was off about you but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what. You were acting a little out of character lately.

Sometimes you tried to keep up with his long explanations and try to follow his scientific line of thinking, yet it proved far more challenging than you thought. And you hated it. It made you feel silly, uneducated and unintelligent. You could never be on the same level as your genius physicist, why do you even try?

He could see you were feeling bad about something, but what? He couldn't figure it out and he wasn't sure how to help you, so he goes to Napoleon for advice, because he is beginning to worry.

Upon the soldier's prompting, Isaac opts to simply ask you what has been on your mind, and the opportunity presents itself when you are with him in his room and you had made the comment that it must be hard for such a bright man to be with such "a ditzy woman". You had said it in a somewhat joking manner, but the slight derisive tone caught the timid Isaac's attention.

"Why do you say that? Who called you ditzy?"

"Well...aren't I? I mean...you're so intelligent and innovative and incredible and I'm...just not. I'm not even that pretty on top of that, my body is awkward and unattractive and...it makes me think you can do a lot better than...just me."

"...There's nobody better than you..."

Your head lifts to watch Isaac, who had gotten closer and placed his hand over yours. His eyes were averted at first but then the sakura petals of his eyes meet your glowing ones with an almost desperate light.

"There's nobody else I want other than you. You're the woman I love and...You're just perfect the way you are!"

His cheeks redden as he earnestly looks at you, his hand holding yours tightly and he keeps his eyes on you as he leans in to take you into a sweet kiss.

"Your thinking is flawed because...I love you the way you are..."

Each word is punctuated with another kiss as his hands hold your waist. When he brushes your breast by mistake, he pulls back a little, his eyes alight with both desire and slight worry.

"Do you mind if I...show you?"

Once he has your consent, he gently nips your shoulders as he bares you from the waist up to shower you with the love you deserve.

Dazai

You may think he wouldn't notice a shift in your demeanor but he watches you more closely than you think. Golden eyes watch you as you look yourself over in the mirror, the discontent in your beautiful face, the disgusted curl of your lip at your full breasts. The timid requests to read his work with full expectance to be rejected.

The awe in your eyes as he spun riveting tales from the top of his head with flawless words of poetry and romantic fancy. You could never even hope to measure up to someone as talented as him.

He knows how you feel. He understands better than anyone what it's like to feel insignificant, unworthy of what you have. But he also understood now the importance of self-acceptance and letting yourself to be okay.

You taught him that. You were the one to help him in his time of need. Which is why he is sure to help you now.

He won't confront you right away. He would pay closer attention to you, showing subtle affection and complimenting you and making you feel good about yourself. This seems to improve your mood for a little bit and keep your tormenting thoughts at bay for a time, until one day he made a comment that he was lucky to have you, only for you to respond that being stuck with a "lumpy potato" like you was a worse stroke of luck than his gambling streak.

The playful smile on his face fades away as the novelist drops into a more wistful disposition. He says and does nothing other than taking you by the hand and leading you to his room and making sure there would be no interruptions. You feel some trepidation as he remains with his back to you for a moment until he speaks lowly.

"Y/N-chan...let me see you."

"Huh...?"

He moves behind you swiftly and silently, you almost can't react until he is unlacing the front of your dress for you. You gasp and put a hand on his to stop him as your cleavage is freed.

"W...wait, I-"

"Shh, it's alright."

His calming tone soothes you enough for him to slowly, carefully removes your dress from you as he gently turns you to face him, taking in all of your beautiful figure with admiration and desire burning in his gaze.

"...Oh my. It seems you are completely flawless. I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean, lovely Y/N."

While he sounds playful, he is serious. Very much so as he gently lays you down on his futon and climbs over you.

"...But I'm not...I'm not..."

"Not on my level? Not as talented as me? Is that what has been bothering you, tenshi?...Silly girl. Don't you know? You are my life, my reason to exist. You are the other half of me, a part of me...you are my everything."

Intertwining his fingers with yours he nuzzles your neck as he presses a kiss on it as his sultry voice takes on a sharp edge.

"So I'm sure you can understand...I simply can't let you go..."

He presses his lips to your perfect breasts, trailing sensual kisses all over you, encouraged by the pleasured sounds you make as he ventured lower, never once letting go of your hand.

Jean

Jean was not the most perceptive or knowledgeable about the female heart and how it operates but he is no fool. He could tell something was wrong. He didn't know what exactly, but he knew something was wrong.

It was small things he noticed about you. From your timid posture to your mannerisms. He wasn't entirely sure how to approach you, he didn't want to push your boundaries, but he also wanted to get to the bottom of whatever was bothering you.

You would often stare after him in all his grace and his ethereal splendor and wonder what he saw in you sometimes. Why you? But Jean saw you differently.

It was you, after all, who always helped him when he needed it, whether he wanted it or not. You accepted him for what he was in his entirety with no qualms and loved with wholly and unconditionally. It's for that reason that he devotes himself entirely to getting to the root of the issue.

He agonizes for quite some time on how to broach the subject before ultimately just deciding to ask you upfront. With that in mind, he sets out to find you. Once he does, he appears so serious and determined you are taken aback. He asks you directly what is bothering you and assures you he will do whatever he can to make it better. He never expected the answer he was given.

"Jean...what made you love me? I'm so...average."

"...What?"

"It's just the facts, there's nothing special about me. Nothing at all. What could possibly be worth looking at? I'm not strong, or interesting, or pretty or-"

"Enough."

His stern command silences you enough for him to stop your crestfallen tirade against yourself as you look away, only for him to cup your face. He makes sure you are solely at him because he wants- no, needs you to understand how much you mean to him.

"I cannot permit you to say such things. They hurt me. You are more than I could ever be. It is I who is unworthy of you. It was you who, despite the unspeakable deeds I have done, chose to love me irregardless of how I had hurt you. It was you who pulled me from the darkness within me and it is you who fills my mind and my heart. You have my whole soul, mon ange, all your splendor and radiance is more than I deserve."

He tugs you closer to him, his hands running up your back slowly before brushing the sides of your large sensitive breasts, causing you to shiver in need. He looks into you with his normally starless eye filled with burning desire, for you and you alone.

"And you need to know how beautiful you are. Allow me to be the one to show you."

With that, he carefully disrobes you, careful to not frighten you, his hands explore every inch of you with adoration and reverence as he whispers sweet words into your ear, gently cupping your breasts and massaging them as you moan ever so wantonly into his ear.

Comte

Comte took great pride in you as his lover and partner. He simply loved to shower you in compliments and gifts alike, so he is a little perplexed when you start acting a little...withdrawn.

It wasn't a drastic change in your behaviour just subtle changes. How you behaved when you were in public with him, always talking him up to his associates and shy away from any recognition for yourself. How you tended to remain covered with shawls around your abundant breasts. He suspected you were just modest at first but it was when you seemed to cover yourself in front of him as well that he knew it was more than general timidity.

You could feel a little...insignificant when you watched him be surrounded by comely nobles and charmed women at the latest event you had accompanied him to. You couldn't see the looks of awe they gave not just Le Comte, but the curvaceous beauty by his side. You couldn't hear the men around your lover ask him where he found such a wonder.

To you, you merely were...less than him. You couldn't be on the same level as the elegant noblewomen who stared at your breasts with envy and jealousy. You decide to excuse yourself as you wander to the balcony to take a moment to yourself and feel the soothing breeze. It's just you and your self doubting thoughts for the longest time until you feel that familiar touch at the base of your spine. You start slightly before looking over your shoulder to see Comte watching you with a smile laced with concern behind those gleaming eyes.

"What has been bothering you, cherie?"

Knowing there was no point in denying it, you let your feelings spill.

"I...I don't...you can be honest...do you feel embarrassed to be seen with me?"

"Pardon?"

"I mean...I'm no noblewoman. I'm not born into aristocracy and I don't know how to act and...and I'm not like those other women, they're so perfect, and you're so perfect, you fit right in and I'm...I'm...awkward to look at, I'm nothing special, I'm-"

His finger on your lips stops you from going forward as you look up at him with glassy eyes. His own are saddened yet serious and solemn.

"Mon diamant, don't think like that. You don't seem to be aware how brightly you shine amongst the crowd. You are like a perfect rose in full bloom, every inch of you is so intricately beautiful, so breathtaking, you outshine any noblewoman here with ease. You could never embarrass me, mon amour, I am the proudest man in Paris, now and always."

He gently turns you to face the balcony as he holds you to his chest, shielding you from any prying eyes as he tenderly brushes your neck and kisses it as the shoulders of your dress start sliding down at his prompting.

"So perfect. So tempting...How could you ever think otherwise, mon coeur?"

He whispers in the most seductive tone as he presses more kisses on your now bare shoulders, leaning over your shoulder to pepper even more on the top of your breasts as you moan, your restraint being stretched as you tried to make as little noise as possible as he fondles one breast and showers the other in sensual, lustful kisses. All you could do is moan your pleasure softly to the night dotted with stars.

Sebastian

He himself doesn't consider himself anything special, merely a butler to the world's greatest figures, so your odd behaviour would most definitely confuse him.

Sometimes he would notice that you often fussed about the appearance of your clothing, especially how it fit around your bust. He figured perhaps it was a comfort issue, so he let it go at first.

When you thought he wasn't looking, you would gaze at the hardworking, efficient man who had taken you for a lover and you can't help but wonder why he isn't with someone more put together and conscientious. Surely, it would make his life a little easier than dealing with the novice you felt you were.

Sebastian noticed that you were only getting more and more nervous around him, especially when you made mistakes. Such an incident occurred when you were washing the dishes alongside him and lost your grip on a plate when it bumps into your sizable chest, which then shattered on the floor. Sebastian was taken aback at your reaction to the trivial accident.

You were feeling particularly low that day and that broken plate was all it took to make you fall apart as you rushed and hurried and fretted with tears in yours to rectify your mistake, stuttering out apologies and promises to fix it. The butler stood stunned for a moment before taking you by the shoulders and stopping you in your tracks before you can hurt yourself.

"Y/N, calm down, it was just a mistake."

"It was a stupid mistake! I'm useless at this, why do you even bother with a lost cause like me!"

Your words cut him and they cut him deep. So this is what you've been feeling...

He calmly asks you to go to his room and wait for him there, he would be there before long.

Once he joins you after finishing the chores and cleaning the plate, he sits by you on the bed and tenderly questions you on what is weighing on you.

"I just wish...sometimes I could be of more use to you...You do everything around here and I want to take the load off your shoulders even just a little but I keep messing up because of...of these! They're so big and weird and they make me look odd..."

You direct to your breasts, annoyance and doubt evident in your shaky voice as you stare at the wall before you. You gasp very softly when gentle fingers take a hold of your chin and turn your head towards silver eyes filled with solemn concern and love.

"Don't talk about your body that way. There's nothing wrong with it and there is nothing wrong with you. Working alongside you everyday is nothing short of a joy, don't think otherwise. I couldn't imagine what it'd be like to not have you stay exactly as you are..."

He affirms these words by pressing his lips to yours in a soft kiss, which gets deeper with every passing moment. You feel a shiver of need go up your spine as his careful fingers brush your cleavage, when it was exposed, you were unsure. But as Sebastian's hand slipped into your dress to cup your breast, you found no time to worry about that, at the very moment.

🌸

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