#it was just shocking to see so many people agreeing with her and calling louise a brat too

[heyyblueberrygirl]

In my mind, Tina and Louise were both equally in the wrong right up until Tina called Louise a brat. Maybe it's just because of how I grew up, I find the word "brat" to be like... horribly offensive and not at all comparable to being called "boring." The insult may be childish, but in my mind calling a child a brat is on the same level as calling a woman a whore-- its not just a petty insult, it's a whole defamation of character with very specific implications. I, as a whole adult, would rather be called a bitch or a cunt than a brat. I guess I didn't realize that the word "brat" doesn't carry the same implications to me as it does to most people lol

[ukrfeminism]

One morning in 2007, Frances Harper was taking a bath and listening to the local news on BBC Radio Suffolk when one story caught her attention. A young woman, Louise, was being interviewed about her life as a sex worker in Ipswich. “I couldn’t see how this interview was helping her situation at all,” says Harper, who was 60 at the time. “I got out of the bath and made some notes. I realised she needed a documentary to tell her story properly and I thought perhaps I could try to make it.”

Harper had never owned a video camera and had no idea how to shoot a film. She had spent the past four decades working in secretarial jobs, as well as raising her son and supporting her husband in his construction business. “I was busy but something was always missing,” she says. “Something I could do for myself.”

Armed with a sudden sense of purpose and without a current job to keep her occupied, Harper rushed out to buy a basic camera, read the manual and began looking up ways to contact Louise. The police wouldn’t share her details, but after finding the name of her solicitor in the local paper, she left a letter with the firm to be passed on. “Soon after, Louise phoned me and we decided to meet in a cafe in Ipswich,” Harper says. “I told her I’d like to make a documentary to share her story and help her. She agreed, and that was my entry into an entirely new world.”

Following Louise most days for weeks, Harper documented her life on the streets, her drug addiction and sex work, all while learning how to shoot and interview. “She told me that no one had motivated her or really cared about her life,” she says. “She was interested in art and history, so we went to galleries together and I even took her to an afternoon tea – all things she’d never done before. We spent a lot of time together because I had the time to spare.”

The more Harper got to know Louise, the more concerned she became about her life and especially her living situation. “She was basically sleeping in an electrical cupboard on the streets of Ipswich,” she says. “I started booking her into bed and breakfasts to keep her off the streets. It really showed me how lucky I had been. It’s changed my thinking ever since.”

Once she had enough footage, Harper put together a taster of the film and contacted the local BBC News office in Norwich. The idea of an older Ipswich resident befriending a young sex worker and producing a film was so unusual that Harper was invited to a meeting and commissioned to shoot a half-hour special for BBC East, which aired in February 2008. “I couldn’t believe that Louise’s story would be out there,” she says. “I hadn’t told too many people about it so my friends were shocked when it came out. Once it did, I also managed to battle with the council to finally get Louise a proper flat.”

Sixteen years later, Harper, 76, is fully immersed in film-making. After her experience with Louise, she became interested in the world of drug addiction and produced a film for Sky, which was narrated by Davina McCall and followed two mothers coping with the impact of their sons’ drug abuse. She has also completed a commercial film for the seaside town of Southwold and a charity short for an emergency response service. She is now working on a series about women in horticulture as well as a film about the life of female fighter pilots.

“I just can’t stop,” she says. “It really feels like I’ve found my calling. I get ideas all the time, although I can’t make all of them because I fund my own projects and it’s hard to come by funding for older people.”

But age does have some advantages. “I think people are more inclined to be polite around me because I’m older,” she says. “I’ve also gained newfound confidence through this work. I didn’t know whether I’d achieve anything but I just kept going. I weaved around the obstacles in my way.”

As well as changing her life, Harper has recently learned how her films have had a profound impact on other people too. “Louise contacted me last year and we just carried on talking as if no time had passed,” she says. “She told me: ‘You were the only person who believed in me.’ It made that decision to pick up the camera completely worth it.”

You can watch Harper’s films via the link below:

[waves--6821]

Ardent ~ Chp. 2

- Warnings: all translations are from google translate, so we’ll see if they’re correct. The italicized words in quotations are the translated version in English. Italicized paragraphs in a series are past scenes or dreams, just to specify in case.

- I hope you like it, it took me months to actually finish it and like it somewhat.

Steve stood under the pavilion on the front of the Ebbets Field stadium, glancing through the growing crowd for his friends. Louise is the first to show, wearing a white buttoned shirt tucked into an a-line red floral skirt, her eyes catching his back as she approaches from behind him.

“Boo!” She shouts, shocking Steve and scaring a few men and women passing her.

“Really, Lou?” Steve asks, glancing up to her with a scoff and shook his head.

“What’s wrong, Steven? You’re usually laughing about my feeble attempts to scare you and Bucky.” Louise points out, letting her smile fall slightly at Steve’s frustrated demeanor.

“I got rejected again.” Steve responds after a minute of their silence, the crowd bustling into the stadium for another Dodgers game.

“Steve, I know you want this, but you need to be careful. One day they’re going to catch on, and then we’ll not be able to do anything.” She cautions, and Steve shakes his head.

“If you were brave enough or just able to tell him you’re in love with him; and have been since you were children, would you try no matter the rejection? No matter the pain?” Steve retorts and Louise takes a step back, feeling defensive of his accusation, rather his meticulous knowledge of her feelings. Both keep quiet as they think over each other's words, not noticing Bucky standing across from them, just catching Steve’s last words.

“You’re in love with someone?” Bucky says, his tone meaning in a joking matter, covering his rising jealousy, envy. Louise glances to Bucky, freezing like a deer in headlights, peeking to Steve to help.

“I was just teasing Louise about a man who flirted with her before you arrived.” Steve tumbles out, scratching the back of his head, taking Bucky’s attention. Louise breathes out quietly, giving Steve a nod of approval before speaking.

“I was telling Steve he needs to be careful on choosing a seat. Telling him about being able to see and some crazy fan shouting next to us.” Louise adds on to Steve’s blatant lie, hoping Bucky at least believed her.

“Well, what are we waiting for then? I’m here, and now so is the fun. So let’s get inside and enjoy the game.” Bucky speaks up with a chuckle, wrapping his arm around Louise’s shoulder and Steve’s to lead them into the stadium. Bucky himself has a feeling of doubt to their words, but rejoicing somewhat in Louise's single status.

--

Louise stands in a small fresh market, her left hand holding a wooden basket slightly filled with some fruits and a few vegetables. Her right hand softly grabs a peony, already knowing what it was by the look.

“Here you go.” A voice says behind her, her head turns to see Bucky standing in a brown army recruit suit with a matching hat over his short dark hair. She glances over it, her chest aching slightly as she turns to face him. Bucky dropped some change to pay for the flower, and he held his arm out for her to grab. She looped her basket with her left arm, holding the flower in it as she looped her right one with his left.

“I-” “My grandmother grew this exact flower in her garden for decades, saying it reminded her of a special flower she saw in France. She called them Rosa ‘Princesse Louise’. Told my Father they were named after a princess she didn’t even know about.” Louise rambled, as Bucky led them through the market slowly, listening as he understood what she was doing. He slows to a stop, pulling her to face him.

“Is that how you got your name?” He plays along, giving her a look of knowing as she glanced down.

“Sort of. My mother’s Italian so she wanted a strong name, as she knew somehow I would be strong before I was born. My father proposed the name, and she agreed after months of finally figuring out a little meaning behind the name. It supposedly means ``renowned warrior.” She finishes, keeping her head down as she smelt the rose, his hand tilting her face up.

“It’s fitting.” He responds, pulling away as she stares at him.

“When are you leaving?” She asks after a minute of silence between them and the bustling crowd around them.

“First thing in the morning.” He says quietly, her eyes closing at the thought.

“I’m with the 107th, Sergeant James Barnes, shipping out for England tomorrow.” Louise glanced up to his eyes after a second, her glasses hiding the slight glossiness in her eyes. She gives him a nod and tries to leave, Bucky grabbing her arm softly to turn her back.

“You could alway write. You’ve always had good penmanship.” Bucky tries, having a sick feeling towards her reaction.

“Why, you’ll always have plenty of girls writing to you?” She jokes, trying to keep herself from being sad and letting him notice. He chuckles in relief, unknowingly breezing over her feelings.

“Well, will you come with me tonight before I leave?” He asks, holding out his other hand after letting her go.

“Where?” She chirps back, trying to stay positive.

“The World Exposition, the Future.” Bucky speaks out, and she sighs, knowing the basic outcome of tonight.

“Of course, James.” She responds, making him frown slightly as she moves to leave.

“I’ll meet you there.” She adds quickly, stepping away from him as many people tried to walk by. Bucky tries to follow, many people surrounding him as he sees Louise slither by, and disappear.

--

Louise softly applied a red lip colour with a small bush, finishing it smoothly and washed the brush quickly. She stood in a red cocktail tea dress, the red complimenting her skin tone. She softly laid her glasses on her face, checking her soft makeup she applied. She checked her small blacked heel shoes, and held her black clasp in her hand. She exited her room, and stepped down her stairs and into the bakery. Her mother glanced at her, smiling sadly as she knew what she had done earlier that afternoon.

“Sei bellissima, Luisa.” (You are beautiful, Luisa.)

“Non so se dovrei andare, mamma.” (I don’t know if I should go, mom.) Louise spoke in italian, her nerves fluctuating as she mentally debated her feelings.

“Vai Luisa. Mi rifiuto di lasciarti qui, sguazzando, mentre l'uomo che ami sta lasciando. Vai, il mio fiore.” (Go, Luisa. I refuse to let you stay here, wallowing, while the man you love is leaving. Go, my flower.) Her mother responds, making Louise calm slightly as she regains her confidence.

“I will, mamma.” Louise smiles as she exits, waving down a cab to go to the Exposition. Her mother watches as she disappears and her last employee leaves, making her return into her bakery and close it for the night.

- gif belongs to the poster of original post...

- Let me know if you wanna be tagged.

[trysomecats]

Caught in a Web Part 5

Summary: Dan was offered to join Willow Grove Academy, Britain’s most prestigious and renowned private school, on a full scholarship. All of the other students are rich, unlike Dan who comes from a modern lower class society. Things become complicated when he lies about his background to Phil Lester, the most popular and richest boy in the school.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

The confession happened before the food had even arrived. They were at a small Italian restaurant with prices that were thankfully affordable. Dan viewed it as a small victory, considering that Phil was going to hate his guts when he revealed the fact that he was nothing but a pathetic liar.

Dan had initially planned on confessing before they even went inside the restaurant, but it was hard to interrupt Phil’s bright eyes and cheerful babbling. It was only after they had sat down at their table and ordered drinks when he spoke the truth.

“-and we can go on vacation together when our next school breaks comes around. I figured the four of us could go somewhere new, an adventure, you know? There’s this place in America called Roswell - it’s in New Mexico I think - and there’s this conspiracy theory that aliens landed there one time. And it got me thinking that we could go there and, well, who knows, maybe-”

“I lied.”

“What’s that?” Phil asked, eyes still crinkled with happiness as he sipped his cider.

Dan’s mouth was dry. Despite this, once he began speaking, it was impossible to stop. He was a fly making his last stand before the spider came to kill him. Everything came pouring out, right there in the middle of the most expensive dinner he had ever eaten, with the first boy he had ever loved.

“I lied,” he repeated. “I lied about everything. My dad doesn’t work in India, he works in a shitty cubicle copying papers all day. I was never homeschooled, I went to public school instead. The headmaster at Willow Grove was feeling charitable and gave me a full scholarship to attend. I don’t have any money to my name, most of my clothes and games are second-hand. I’ve lied about everything, Phil, everything...”

‘I lied because I was scared you’d judge me,’ were Dan’s unspoken thoughts. ‘I lied because you were the first people besides Louis who talked to me, and I never had any friends before you, Pj, and Chris.’

Phil was staring at him, his mouth open. All traces of happiness were gone and replaced by obvious shock and anger. His eyes, usually so beautiful and blue, were wide and glinted darker than usual.

“I’m really sorry,” Dan spoke, when the silence became suffocating. He felt like he was going to vomit.

“I’d like for you to leave,” Phil finally spoke. His voice was so soft, but it sounded as if he struggled to get the words out. It was as if he were seething with anger on the inside, but trying desperately to keep calm on the outside. “I’d like for you to leave right now.”

Dan didn’t need to be told twice. He shoved his chair back and stood up quickly, knocking over his glass of sparkling cider. The waiter rushed over to help with the spill, but Dan only pushed passed him. People from nearby tables shot him glares as he ran through the restaurant and created disturbance, but he couldn’t have cared less.

He left without turning back, so that Phil wouldn’t see the tears streaming down his cheeks.

Somehow, word had got around by the time Dan went back to school the next day. He arrived at the very last minute, when the bell had already rung. There was no use coming early, because he knew that Phil would never talk to him again, and neither PJ nor Chris either. Oh God, he dreaded having to face Chris, who was easily the most tempered out of the trio.

Louise was one of the first people to give him an icy glare when he walked into French class.

“I guess I was wrong about you this whole time,” She spoke loud enough for the whole class to hear.

“I guess you were,” Dan found his words, but he didn’t dare look at her. His heart was pounding fast, and it took all of his willpower to remain seated rather than leaving the classroom.

Louise wasn’t done with him.

“You might not be rich, but you’re just as greedy and snotty as everyone else in this school! I didn’t take you as the kind of guy to use someone for their money. I mean, do you even have anything to say?”

“No,” Dan told her, his throat too tight. His hands clenched his pen tightly, and tears were pooling in his eyes once again. Before coming to school today he’d sworn to himself that he wouldn’t cry, but evidently that was not going to happen. “No, I don’t have anything to say Louise, so just don’t talk to me.”

She gladly took him up on that offer for the rest of French class, as well as Arithmetic too. In fact not one person offered him any sort of greeting. Joe made brief eye contact with him, but it wasn’t friendly, and Zoe didn’t look at him even once.

It took Dan a great amount of courage to step into his Advanced Literature classroom, and when he did, he immediately regretted it. His usual spot, the one next to Phil, was taken by another student who Dan recognized as Anthony Padilla. Phil didn’t even spare a glance at Dan, talking with Anthony as if he always sat there.

Dan’s face felt hot as he hurried to an empty seat in the back of the room. Phil might have not been looking at him, but the rest of the class certainly was. The entire school had obviously known by now about his lie.

But there was nothing more he could do; Dan knew that he had been slowly digging his own grave at Willow Academy from the very start. In a way, he had known from the beginning that sooner or later his life here would end in disaster.

Dan made it three days before everything became too much for him to handle. In his old school he had been used to being ignored, but this was a lot different. People who used to talk to him on a regular basis now either gave him the cold shoulder or blatant scorching glares.

After hours and hours of pleading with his mother, she had agreed to set up a meeting with the headmaster to discuss his transferring back to public school, but she wasn’t happy about it in the least.

Now he would be looked down upon in school and at home.

When lunchtime on Wednesday rolled around, he skipped it yet again to hide in the library. There was no way he could possibly eat; his stomach had felt too tight and uneasy every since PJ has discovered his secret.

His thoughts lingered back to the conversation he’d had with his mother this morning.

“This could completely change your future Dan,” She’d said with a shake of her head. “I hope you know what a wasted opportunity this will have been. And you won’t even tell me why! I was under the impression that you were coming to like Willow Grove....”

His breath felt too short as he thought about how badly he’d messed up. The look of pure disappointment on Phil’s face was impossible to forget about. Dan had been the cause of it….

Because that’s what he was, a disappointment. If he knew how to talk to people, or was smart of good looking, or had something to counter against his awkward, pathetic personality, then maybe things would be different. Maybe he would have been able to befriend Phil without having to lie. There were so many opportunities to confess early on, before the web had grown too big. But he had wasted those opportunities, and now the web was wound tightly across his throat, choking him.

Dan realized that he wasn’t in the library anymore. His feet were taking him down the winding hallways, so he could be somewhere alone, somewhere where he could hide forever…

His breath was still short as he reached the bathroom, and as soon as he reached a stall his stomach lurched. He heaved his meager breakfast into the toilet, over and over again until there was nothing left to come up, not even caring that the door was still wide open.

He felt shaky and his heartbeat was thunderous.

He wanted to be anywhere rather than here, but home was almost just as bad, and there was no safe place to go. His only comforts were Phil, Chris, and PJ, but he didn’t have them anymore, and now he couldn’t breathe.

An immeasurable amount of time passed before Dan became aware that someone was speaking to him.

“Dan? Hey- what’s the matter?”

“C-Cant-,” Dan struggled to find his voice, the dizziness becoming overwhelming at this point in time. “Can’t breathe, I-”

His stomach twisted again and he was back to dry heaving. His knuckles were white as they gripped the porcelain. There were black dots interfering with his vision, mingled with the hot tears that had built up in his eyes.

“Try to take some deep breaths Dan,” Chris encouraged, but his voice was distant and Dan could hardly focus on it. The voice became sharper and more desperate.  “Dan! Come on, you have to breathe!”

It was easier said than done.

“Fuck,” Chris was swearing, and Dan realized that he had collapsed onto his knees.

It took several minutes, but Dan managed to evade passing out. As soon as his breathing was back to normal, Chris took him by the arm and led him outside the school before he could protest.

Dan was completely silent during the whole ride to Chris’ house, and the other boy didn’t say anything to him. When they finally got inside, the mansion big and empty and unbearable, Chris sat him down on a sofa worth more than Dan’s house and handed him a bottle of water.

“Drink it,” Chris demanded, watching with sharp attentiveness until Dan had taken several gulps of the clear and refreshing liquid. Chris, meanwhile, had taken a seat next to him.

“Jesus, just look at you. When’s the last time you’ve slept?”

Dan spared him a response, because they both knew the answer to that one.

“You have to give me some answers Dan,” Chris finally said. “We both know that you didn’t lie to take advantage of us.”

What?

Dan looked up at Chris in confusion. “H-How do you know that?”

“Well, obviously I was pissed as fuck when Phil and PJ told me the truth about you. But then when I calmed down, I got to thinking about things. You never once asked for...well, anything. If you were really just friends with us for our wealth, surely you would have tried to get some, yeah?”

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Dan finally muttered after a moment of silence. “I lied, and that’s the real problem here.”

“It matters to me,” Chris said, folding his arms. “I want an answer, Dan.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Dan began to feel desperate for some sort of way out of this. “I mean, I don’t even know why I did it! I was an idiot, okay? I’d never been to such a fancy school before, with chandeliers and school lunches too expensive to afford! I didn’t have any friends in my old school, so I certainly didn’t expect to have friends at Willow Grove! When you guys actually started talking to me, poor insignificant me, I panicked! Does that answer your fucking question? Does it!?”

“Yeah,” Chris said sharply. “It does! Dan, you need to talk to Phil about this as soon as possible.”

“What are you talking about? Phil doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I completely understand why!”

“No Dan, you don’t get it. Phil loves you!” Christ took a hold of his shirt collar. “I don’t understand why you’re just letting everyone assume that you were after our money!”

Dan pulled away from him. “What’s the point of trying to explain? I lied!”

“But you didn’t lie to hurt us; you didn’t lie to hurt Phil!”

“It doesn’t matter Chris! The whole point is that I wasn’t honest with Phil, or any of you! I have a meeting with the headmaster tomorrow, so I can make arrangements to go back to my old school.”

“You can’t do that. Dan, you have to talk to Phil!”

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do!” Chris said, gripping Dan’s sleeve so he couldn’t rise. “Besides, you have to whether you want to or not. I called him and told him about your panic attack, and he’s on his way now.”

i’m sorry for taking SEVERAL YEARS to update. If there’s anyone left who still remembers this ol’ fic, then you have my gratitude as well as my sincerest apologies! 

[three-drink-amy]

If After All These Years, You’d Like to Meet

In case you missed it: chapter four

Chapter Five

“Alright, I’ll apologize now,” was the first thing Jamie said when Claire answered the phone.

“What on earth for?”

“I volunteered ye for a football game wi a few of us today.”

Claire burst out laughing. “What, now?”

“John was talking after ye left and said ye were so much fun,” Jamie began to explain. “Then I was trying to get him to go home and I mentioned meeting Rupert later for a match in the park and he included himself. He kept asking if he could come and I said it was just my friends. Then he asked if ye’d be there and I dinna ken what I was doing but I said yes so now John’s coming and apparently I’m throwing a bigger match together.”

Claire was silently laughing on her end of the phone. “This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, Jamie Fraser. Were you actually meeting Rupert?”

“Aye, he and Willie. And some friends of Willie’s, I think,” Jamie said sounding embarrassed.

“Do you really need me to come?” she asked.

“Do ye mind? Our friends have never met John and I dinna ken how they’d react to him. Ye could at least act like he’s normal,” Jamie nearly pleaded.

“He seemed fine. Just incredibly drunk. But then again I’d had my share of it as well,” she added. With a grand sigh, she agreed. “Fine, Fraser, I’ll be there. What time?”

“Ah, ye’re the best, Beauchamp! Meet us around 1:00.”  

She’d changed into suitable clothes, tried her luck with the best hangover cure she had in her flat, and was at the specified park in time. Only Jamie Fraser could talk her into participating in a football match with friends after she’d spent the night out. She spotted him and Rupert sitting over on a bench and walked over in their direction.

“Gentlemen,” she said, announcing her presence.

“Sassenach!” Jamie greeted loudly. “I’m glad ye came.”

She looked around pointedly. “How are we to play football just the three of us?”

Rupert looked up at her. “Well obviously more people are coming. Ye got here right at the time we said. Ye think everyone else would?”

Claire shrugged. “I was hoping they’d think it’s rude not to.”

Both Rupert and Jamie laughed. “I told Willie 12:30 because I knew he’d be late,” Rupert informed her.

Claire rolled her eyes and plopped down on the ground next to their bench. “So how many people did you invite?”

“Well enough people to have a real game, of course,” Rupert said like she was being silly. He jumped up from the bench quickly, startling Jamie and Claire. “Those people look like they’re eyeing the pitch. I’m going to go claim it.” He ran quickly toward the field with a couple of footballs.

Claire chuckled as she stood up and started to stretch. “You owe me, Fraser,” she said past a yawn. “I do not feel up to optimum football playing standards.”

Jamie scoffed. “You’re one to talk. You slept in my bed.”

“Wait, what now?” a voice interrupted. Jamie and Claire both turned to see Geillis standing nearby with a gobsmacked look on her face. “What’s this about Claire sleeping in your bed.”

They looked at each other and rolled their eyes. “Sorry to dash yer hopes but she was in the bed and I was on the floor,” Jamie told her with a shake of his head. He walked over to help Rupert stake out the field.

“What is all this about?” Geillis immediately questioned.

Claire sighed. “Last night I drank too much and Jamie wouldn’t let me drive home.”

“Why were ye even at Jamie’s?”

Claire bit her lip. She hadn’t wanted to tell Geillis about the fight. “Well after I left dinner, I had a fight with Frank and I knew what you would say so I went to Jamie for advice.”

Geillis’s jaw dropped as she looked positively scandalized. “Excuse me? You went to...a man for advice?”

“You and Louise have admitted that you don’t like Frank,” Claire defended. “So I went to Jamie just to vent and get some fresh advice that I knew wouldn’t immediately be “Dump his arse!” You know?”

Geillis was doing deep breathing. She looked more composed before speaking. “I can understand that you’d like some varied advice but I am just offended that my right as yer best friend went to him.”

“It went to him because I already knew what you’d say,” Claire repeated.

Geillis rolled her eyes and started to walk from Claire. “Whatever.” She stopped and looked back at Claire, making up her mind. “What was the fight about?”

“He seems concerned that I don’t miss my old life,” she simplified.

Her friend scoffed in reply. “Of course ye dinna miss yer old life. Yer old life didna have me in it weekly!”

Claire couldn’t help but smile at her friend. She wrapped her arm around Geillis’s shoulders as they walked off towards the guys. “I certainly do appreciate that you’re so much more present in my life.”

Geillis slung her arm around Claire’s waist as they walked. “You better be. I’d be crushed if it werena mutual.”

“Jamie!” a familiar voice called from behind Claire. She turned around and saw John running toward the group of them. “Hello again, Claire! Just smashing to see you again so soon.”

Claire laughed as she greeted John. “Yes, I didn’t expect it would be again so soon.”

“Well who am I to turn down a fun game of football?” John asked with a laugh.

Jamie stared at him. “Ye invited yerself,” he said in reminder.

John shrugged. “Tomato, tomahto.”

Jamie watched Claire and John with a smirk. “Perhaps we should make it Scots versus Sassenachs.”

“Or I could be on your team,” Claire offered. She puffed out her chest proudly. “I’m quite good.”

Jamie shook his head. “Nah, I think we should see how the Sassenachs fare on their own.”

Geillis eyed him warily. “I dinna ken if that’s a good idea.” Jamie looked at her skeptically. She looked over at Claire and then stepped closer to Jamie, whispering in his ear. Claire wondered what she could be saying to him.

Jamie eyed Claire impressively. “Seriously?” he asked Geillis. She nodded insistently. Jamie looked over at Geillis. “Well then what do you propose?”

“No,” John interrupted, laying his arm over Claire’s shoulders. “I think we can take on you Scots.”

Rupert laughed heartily. “Oh ye wee thing. There are two of ye. Ye really feel confident saying that?”

“Well aren’t there more coming?” Claire asked. Her timing was incredible as Willie approached the group with two friends close behind him. “Yes, Claire, there are,” she answered to herself.

“Hello, wee one,” Rupert greeted. “Tell us, are yer two friends English?”

Willie looked at Rupert almost nervously. “Aye. But we live in London now, Rupe. Ye canna expect me to only be friends wi Scots. I’d only be friends wi the three of ye and Angus. I’d like better than that.” Claire choked back a laugh.

“Dinna fash, Willie, that wasna why I was asking,” Rupert assured him. “You two are with the girl and the dark haired one,” he instructed. Turning to Jamie he said, “Looks like ye get yer Scots vs Sassenachs match after all.”

“I still think it’s a bad idea,” Geillis insisted.

“Teams are formed, Geillie,” Rupert dismissed. “Let’s play.”

Claire still wondered why Geillis was so against the idea as she walked over into a huddle with John and the other two Brits. John nodded at Claire as she joined them. “Hello, men and Claire. So what are your names?” He asked.

“I’m Charles and this is George,” one of them answered, pointing to the other as he introduced them both.

“Great,” John replied. “I’m John and this is Claire and we’re deeply interested in beating some Scottish ass.” Claire couldn't help but laugh at John’s dramatics. “So what positions do you play?”

“I’m always the goalie,” George said.

“I’ll play whatever,” Charles followed.

John looked over at Claire. “What about you, Claire? What's your favorite position?”

She gaped at him. “There are so many other ways you could have phrased that, John. Good lord.” She shook her head at him. “But anyway, I can handle offense.”

“Great,” John said with a smile. “Then it’s sorted. Claire and I will take offense and we’ll rely on you gents for defense. That work?” All three of them nodded in agreement. “Smashing!”

They abandoned their huddle and took their positions. The Scots quickly followed suit. Jamie and Willie stood opposite Claire and John. “You babies ready to have your diapers changed?” John asked in an attempt at trash talk.

“Wow, John, that was so bad. You really need to work on your trash talk,” Claire remarked.

“Yeah, it’s not great,” Jamie agreed with a laugh. “It never has been.”

Rupert feigned a whistle blowing from his position as goalie and the match began. Claire quickly got the ball down toward the goal but Rupert stopped it easily. The game carried on and seemed pretty evenly matched. Her team scored first, much to their delight. But only a few minutes later, the scots scored as well.

It had been quite a few years since Claire had played football. She was feeling quite proud of herself for how well she’d been playing. Until she tripped. While trying to pass the ball to John, her feet stumbled over it. She flew forward and landed against Jamie, both of them falling to the ground. Her face felt hot as she looked down at him wearing a matching shocked expression. Feeling flustered, she ended up laying on top of him for far too long before she jumped up.

“Claire, I ken ye lived in America for a long time,” Geillis teased, “but we’re no playing American football, ye ken. No tackling!”

Jamie laughed as he got up from the ground. Claire rolled her eyes. “It was clearly an accident!”

“Seemed intentional from where I stood,” Rupert disagreed. “Jamie gets the penalty kick.”

“Oh come on!” John argued! “No way!”

The two teams began arguing heatedly. Geillis finally whistled to get everyone’s attention. “Alright, Jamie it's your call. You were the only one close enough to tell if it was an accident or intentional.”

Claire felt better then. She trusted that Jamie would testify that it was just an accident. He looked her over before turning to his team. “I think I need the kick.”

Claire’s jaw dropped. She glared at him, fueled by surprised and a competitive spirit. He didn't want to know the thoughts running through her head. “Oh that's bullshit, Fraser! You’re just mad that we’re ahead!”

“I canna say that I agree. Ye certainly flew at me and knocked me to the ground, Sassenach,” Jamie argued with a smug grin. “I think I need the penalty kick.”

“Well there ye have it,” Rupert said with finality. “Line up.”

Claire squinted her eyes and shook her head a Jamie. “Betrayal,” she muttered.

She lined up next to John. Charles stood on the other side of him. He leaned over to John, but she could still hear him. “This is why you never want to bring women into the game. They just mess it all up.”

Claire whipped her head over to glare at the boy. John was already staring at him in disgust. She turned to look straight ahead where Jamie was setting up his kick. He bore an angry expression. The fire in his eyes made Claire wonder if he’d heard Charles’s statement as well. The ball was on the ground and he stepped back. He stared at the goal and then at the line of people before running to take his kick. The ball landed squarely against Charles’s crotch. Claire couldn't help but laugh loudly. “Oh shit,” Jamie called. “Sorry!” But the small grin on his face made him seem less than sorry.

By the time the game ended, Claire had easily proved to the doubters on her team (or the others) that she was a more than capable football player. She scored for her team and assisted John plenty as well. In the end, the Sassenachs beat the Scots by two goals. To say they were humble winners would have been a lie. The competitive side of Claire came out too strongly to be humble. John did a celebratory lap around the field, finishing by running up and smacking Claire on the ass. Startled, she stared at him and then looked over at Jamie. He just shrugged with a smirk as he walked off the field.

They all convened at the pub near the park. “I just want to say, for the record, that I was right!” Geillis proclaimed, raising her beer in the air.

“Oh do shut up, Geillis,” Rupert pleaded.

“Right about what?” Claire wondered aloud.

With a sigh, Jamie explained. “Geillis said we shouldna put ye on the other team. That ye were too good.”

Claire choked on her beer. “I said the same thing! I told you that I was good but would you listen to me? No, I’m only a woman!”

The men all groaned but Geillis smirked in agreement. “Claire, that wasna what it was about!” Jamie promised.

“No, it was that Jamie foolishly latched onto the idea of a Scottish team and an English team,” Rupert said disgustedly.

“Oh whatever,” Jamie replied, waving him off. “Twas still a fun time.”

“Even if you lost. Sorely,” John said, feeling the need to remind them.

“Alright, young one,” Rupert warned with a grin. “Ye need to watch yerself.”

John laughed as he sat down next to Rupert and began to chat. Geillis sat and joined the two of them, seemingly curious to find out who the newcomer really was. Willie sat talking with the friends he’d brought along.

Claire couldn't help but watch as John conversed with their friends. “I don't know what you were so worried about,” she remarked to Jamie. “He seems to get along fine with them.”

Jamie looked over and watched the group talking. “We’ll see. I’m still not convinced.”

She watched as John was animatedly telling some story to the others. Claire hesitated asking her question, but it had been brewing in her mind since the night before. She turned to Jamie. “Okay, so I have a question that I need to ask but I don't know how to ask it without potentially coming off badly.” Jamie looked at her with a confused expression. “So John...he...well I just wondered if...could he…?” she was stammering terribly as she tried to ask him. Jamie was laughing at her. “Do you know what I’m trying to ask?”

“I think so,” he said with a grin.

“And you’re not going to help me out?”

He laughed. “Nope.”

“You’re the worst,” she said as she smacked his arm. She straightened up and leaned closer to him. “Is John...gay?” she asked hesitantly.

“Totally,” Jamie replied before taking a drink.

“So I shouldn't be offended by the fact that he smacked my arse at the end of the game?” Claire asked further.

Jamie burst out laughing again. “If he was straight, he’d have had a well aimed kick at him as well.”

Claire gasped and pointed at Jamie. “So that ball to the groin was on purpose!” Jamie made a guilty face, then nodded. Taking a deep breath, Claire asked, “So wait, when he said he had a disapproving roommate…?”

Jamie looked over at her, his face falling a bit. “It’s not John’s drinking that he’s disapproving of. Not that he even drinks very often. No, it’s the fact that he’s gay. And the worst part is that his roommate is his brother.”

Claire gaped at him. “What? His own brother?” Jamie nodded sadly. “Why doesn’t he just move out?”

“He can’t afford to yet. He hasn’t been working long enough to make enough money,” Jamie explained.

She huffed in response before looking back over at him. “Wait, how did you find out?”

Jamie leaned back and grabbed his glass, settling in to tell a story. “It was after our first victory as a team. We all went out to a pub and were getting quite sloshed. John sat down next to me and we were talking. I didn’t know him incredibly well at the time but I liked him fine. At one point he was just staring down at his beer, and note, he was quite a few in. So then he said to me that it was too bad he couldn’t go home that night.” Claire shook her head at his story. “I asked him why and he said his brother didn’t let him come home if he’d been drinking. He never came right out and said it was because he was gay, but he said enough to lead me to believe so. And so I told him he could crash on my couch and somehow we formed an agreement.”

Claire stared at Jamie, a bit in awe of him. “You know, I bet John is constantly happy that you’re in his life.” Jamie scoffed, brushing off her compliment. “No, really, I bet he is. It’s not that hard to imagine. I mean you’ve never struck up such an agreement with me but I am also very grateful to have you in my life,” she admitted.

He looked over at her and smiled as he draped his arm across her shoulders. “Well I could say the same, Sassenach.”

She returned his smile before she got distracted by her vibrating phone. Looking to where it sat on the table, she noticed she had a text from Frank. “Have ye decided what ye’re going to do about that?” Jamie asked as he removed his arm from around her shoulders.

“I’m going to go back to Boston,” Claire said simply. A look of horror covered Jamie’s face. “Oh not permanently,” she quickly added. “No, I’ve just been looking for flights back for a long weekend.”

Jamie sighed in relief. “Oh Christ, ye scared me for a moment. I thought ye were just giving in and leaving.”

Claire chuckled. “Nope. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” Jamie shook his head in amusement.

“So what will ye do?”

Claire shrugged. “I really don’t know. I don’t even know when I’m going yet. I just want some clarity.”

“Clarity sounds like a good idea,” Jamie agreed. “But I must admit, I’m happy ye’re not leaving again.”

She met Jamie’s gaze. “Don’t worry,” she said, squeezing his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Next chapter

[lisbonsteresa]

Just Like Titanic, Only No One Dies

Hey, remember like a year ago when I said I wanted to do a chelenor Legally Blonde AU? No? Well here you go anyway.

This boutique was one of the nicest in Phoenix. It was the kind of place where sales attendants followed you around to ask if you needed something every five minutes; where the music alternated between soft indie covers of classic rock songs and softer jazz covers of the songs currently on the radio; a place that claimed children were ‘always welcome’ but never carried anything even slightly for kids other than a table of adult coloring books with a standee sign next to it: ‘for display only’. 

Bearing all of this in mind, Eleanor Shellstrop was fairly certain that the women working on this particular Thursday afternoon did not appreciate her shouting “Are you bitches ready?!” while she threw open the fitting room door. 

(Luckily, she was also fairly certain that she didn’t care.) 

“It’s perfect, right?” she asked the two women lounging in the waiting area of the fitting room, giving a little spin before turning back to the mirror to admire her selection. 

“Mhmm, I dunno babe,” Madison began, finally pushing her ‘three-vodka-cranberries-too-many-last-night-now-daytime-hurts’ sunglasses to the top of her head to take a proper look. “Is white really the best way to go? I mean, Chris isn’t a….super genius, but that might be too obvious for even him to miss.” 

Her comment drew a loud snort of laughter from Brittany, who was studying Eleanor’s outfit while sprawled across the plush white couch, her head resting in Madison’s lap. “Plus like��.sleeves? Long sleeves?” her nose scrunched up in distaste. “Don’t you maybe want to try something a little more fun? Maybe sleeveless, and tighter, oh and a little bit shorter too.” 

“She’s getting proposed to, not partying at a strip club Britt.” 

Brittany tilted her head to look up at Madison, mock-offended. “Hey I was proposed to at a strip club once! It was very romantic.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Madison responded, rolling her eyes even as her lips curled into a soft smile “I was the one proposing.” 

“No I’m fine, thanks so much for asking!” Eleanor snarled as she spun on her heel and stomped back to the dressing room, slamming the door loudly enough to draw the disapproving eyes of every employee - and most of the customers - in the store. 

Brittany groaned, sitting up and digging through her purse. “Oh my god you seriously need to chill out. I know I’ve got some Xanax in here somewhere….”

“I’ll take one.” Madison said before calling out in the direction of the closed fitting room door: “Besides, you’ve got nothing to worry about – Chris is nutso for you, plus you’ve looked smoking hot in everything you’ve tried on.” 

“I still can’t believe that in a few hours you’re gonna be the future ‘Mrs. Chris Baker’”. Brittany’s voice sounded dreamy as she paused her search, likely already picturing the Save the Date cards. “Do you think you guys’ll have an open bar at the reception?” 

“With all that Baker money, they better.” Madison grumbled, leaning forward and in one swift motion grabbing Brittany’s purse from her, fishing out a small pill, swallowing it, and dropping the bag back onto the seat between them.

 There was a huff from behind the fitting room door before it cracked open and Eleanor’s annoyed face poked out. “There isn’t going to be a wedding at all if you asshats don’t help me decide on a dress!” 

“Excuse me,” came a bright, perky voice to her left. 

“JES-eez louise, you scared me lady!” Eleanor was suddenly very thankful she was still behind the fitting room door - it hid how high she had jumped at the sales attendant’s greeting from Brittany and Madison. 

“Oh I’m terribly sorry for the scare.” the woman continued - her tone suggesting she was nothing of the sort - “But I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation you ladies were having, and I thought I might give you another option”. 

The look on the woman’s face reminded her of a schoolteacher trying to bribe a problem student into behaving, but Eleanor had to admit the dress she was holding was gorgeous. It looked short (but not short enough to risk any wardrobe malfunctions), tight (but not clingy), and bright, bright red. “Well I guess it wouldn’t kill me to try it. Thanks…..” 

“Courtney.” the woman supplied cheerily.

Eleanor bit her lip to stop her natural impulse to mockingly repeat ‘Courtney’ and instead took the dress from her hand with what she hoped passed as a smile. After a moment or two of shuffling noises and the sound of a zipper being pulled up, the fitting room door burst open again and Eleanor stepped out, looking slightly shocked. “Guys….holy shit.” 

Courtney’s smile dropped slightly. 

Madison and Brittany’s mouths fell open. “Holy shit.” 

Courtney looked pained. “I hope that…..language means you like it”. she said, her voice weary. 

“It’s perfect!” Brittany exclaimed. 

“Damn, if Chris doesn’t propose, I will”. Madison agreed, still staring at Eleanor. “Not really” she murmured to Brittany. 

“….it’s a front runner.” Eleanor sniffed, hoping she seemed as unaffected as she was trying to appear. 

Courtney - who had apparently remembered her commission goal - bounced up and down and clapped her hands. “Oh I’m so delighted! And of course it comes with the Friends and Family Discount!” Seeing the confusion on the other’s faces, she leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially to Eleanor “Any ‘friend’ of the Baker family is a friend of ours”. 

“Right…..” Eleanor trailed off. She really didn’t like the way this woman was looking at her, like she had suddenly become a hot commodity. Of course now that she had connections to the ‘right’ people, she deserved Courtney’s full attention. Now that she might have money, she was worth the time and effort. God, what bull. 

“So with the discount added on, the total comes to only…..$784.” Courtney continued cheerily. “And just so you know, we take cash, check, and any major credit card….even American Express”. 

Eleanor resisted the urge to roll her eyes and plastered a grin on her face. “Wow, that is just amazing Courtney”. This time she didn’t try to hide the nasal, mocking tone in her voice. “But I think someone over there really needs you attention”. 

Courtney turned to look in the direction Eleanor was pointing and found that there actually was an older woman waving at her from the register. “Oh, I, um,” she dithered, clearly not wanting to lose the sales momentum she had built up, “I will just run over and see what Melissa needs. You take this time to think over your choice – I’ll be back before you know it. With drinks! Champagne for everyone, yeah?” she looked anxiously from one girl to another, the bright smile still fixed on her face before turning and dashing away. 

The moment she left the smile fell away from Eleanor’s lips. “Oh, so now that you’ve got a rich boyfriend, suddenly we deserve champagne and sweet talk service, huh?” Madison muttered, dropping back down onto the couch with a huff. 

“Boy is she gonna be surprised when you tell her the most you’ve got to spend is sixty bucks” Brittany chuckled as she settled back down next to Madison. 

“I don’t know,” Eleanor could feel the corners of her mouth curving up again, although this time it was most definitely in a smirk. “maybe there’s another kind of discount we can work out”. 

Both Madison and Brittany perked up, sharing a knowing look before focusing on Eleanor. “A discount of the five-finger variety, maybe?” Brittany asked with a grin. 

“Just follow my lead.” Eleanor instructed as she stepped back into the fitting room. A moment later, she reemerged in her jeans and sweatshirt (which looked slightly less baggy than it had when she first arrived). Her friends stood up from the couch and started to move with her towards the exit. 

“No security clips?” Madison whispered. 

“None. I even double-checked”. 

“Tags?” Brittany asked. 

“Pulled them off, threw them in the corner”. 

Satisfied, both girls nodded and pulled out their phones, trying to appear as casual as possible. “Courtney!” Eleanor called over to the sales woman still deep in conversation with her coworker. “I’ve decided I really just need a little more time to think, but I left the dress in the fitting room for you – thanks!” 

Courtney looked more than a little put out and started moving towards her, but Eleanor turned and continued towards the door, cutting off any further conversation. “Almost there girls,” she murmured “just keep walking, nice and casual”. 

“Excuse me, miss?” a voice floated out from the fitting room area. “There’s no dress in here…..” 

“Ok, now run!” Eleanor exclaimed as, ignoring the shouts of the sales women and sounds of footsteps following them, the three of them ran, laughing and whooping, out of the store and into the bright sunshine.

[girl-iguess]

Second Chance in Spain

A/N: This one is kinda long, sitting at over 5.1k. I hope you guys enjoy !

Absolutely exhausted, Lenae plopped her body, face down, on the hotel bed. A small smile appeared on her face as she sunk into the softness of the duvet and mattress. After a long day of traveling, Lenae and her best friends, Fran and Brandi, finally arrived in Mallorca, Spain for a much needed girls trip. The hotel they were staying in was absolutely gorgeous, overlooking the mountains and valleys the island contained. Lenae, however, was way too tired to enjoy it at the moment. Just as she began to close her eyes, Fran hopped in the bed, causing Lenae’s body to jump.

Fran laughed, “I can’t believe we’re finally here!”

Rolling onto her back, Lenae giggled, “Me either. I love my job, but I really needed a break. I felt like I was gonna lose my mind.” Working as a pediatric nurse was so rewarding to her, but draining as the same time. Spending time with her girls was the exact medicine she needed to recharge.

Joining the other two girls on the bed, Brandi added, “And I can’t think of anyone else I would rather take this trip with.”

A simultaneous “awwwwwws” strung from Lenae and Fran, followed by a pillow thrown to Brandi’s head. “Don’t be a sap!” Lenae joked.

The girls laughed. Lenae agreed with Brandi’s statement. They were the first people she really connected with when she moved to New York from Chicago almost 5 years ago. She loved them so much and felt completely at peace around them.

Fran got off the bed and picked up her duffle bag, preparing to take it to her room in the suite. “We should probably get ready to look around a bit and eat dinner.”

Lenae mentally groaned. She was so tired. Couldn’t they take a nap first?

Brandi agreed and turned to Lenae. “Come on, grandma. We won’t keep you up past your bedtime for too long.”

She laughed as she began to sit up straight on the bed. She was actually the youngest out of the group, but her friends often teased her about how early she goes to sleep and her love for talk shows. Fluffing out her curly hair with her hjand, she playfully sighed. “Fineeee!”

About an hour and half later, Lenae found herself washing her hands in a restaurant bathroom. Thankfully, her friends realized how much they were tired as well and decided to cut their exploring short. They were going to have a quick dinner at the hotel restaurant before calling it a night.

An older woman emerges from a bathroom stall, taking Lenae by surprise. She thought she was alone. She admired the older woman as she walked to the sink. She was wearing a yellow sundress, complimenting her slightly tanned skin. Top half of her straight hair was in a ponytail, while the bottom half remained loose.

“You look very pretty.” Lenae complimented.

The smile on the woman’s face stretched from ear to ear. “Thank you, love. You’re very sweet.” She grabbed a paper towel to dry her hands. “You look beautiful as well.”

“Ooooh, an accent! British?”

The woman laughed, “I would say you’re the one with the accent, my dear.” They started to walk toward the exit. “But yes, you’re right. And you’re American?”

“Yeah, I’m from Chicago but I love in New York now. I’m Lenae, by the way.”

“What a pretty name! I’m Anne. It’s so nice to meet you.”

The two woman continued to talk as they walked toward their tables. Caught up in conversation, they both didn’t realize they were walking in the same direction until they arrived to their tables.

“I promise I’m not following you, dear! I just happened to be sitting at the table next to yours.” Anne explained with a jokingly undertone. Both Anne and Lenae laughed. I mean, honestly, what are the odds?

A woman sitting at Anne’s table chuckled and asked, “Wait, what’s going on?”

“Oh! I made a new friend!” Anne smiled. “Lenae, these are my friends, Louise and Sarah. Ladies, this is my new friend, Lenae.”

Anne was the absolute cutest. Lenae introduced Fran and Brandi in return.

“You ladies are on a bit of a girls trip, as well?” Sarah asked.

“We sure are! So if you come across any single Spanish men, send them our way!” Brandi joked, but also very serious. Lenae rolled her eyes playfully and laughed.

The older ladies laughed as well. “I don’t know, love. We may keep them for ourselves.” Louise responded. More laughter came from the two tables.

“We’re on a girls trip too. But my son decided to tag along with us.” Anne giggled. Like clockwork, a tall younger man approached their table. “Oh, speaking of my son, here he is! Come meet our new friends, Harry!”

Harry introduced himself to Lenae, Fran and Brandi. He smiled sheepishly, “Hopefully they weren’t too obnoxious. They’ve been drinking a bit.”

Fran waved him off, nonverbally telling him “no worries.” She added, “Trust me, we’re trying to get on their level.”

Harry honestly couldn’t believe his luck. Surely, God was playing a joke on him. Returning from the men’s bathroom, he noticed his mom and her friends talking to the neighboring table. One of the women, in particular, looked extremely familiar. He was able to get a better look at the woman once he approached the table. He still couldn’t figure out why she looked so familiar until she said her name. Lenae. The sound of her name turned his stomach into knots; he became nervous almost. He always hoped to meet her again, except he didn’t think it would happen years later. In Spain of all places.

Of course, Lenae knew who he was immediately. Harry Styles. Member of her beloved One Direction who was currently killing it with his solo career. She wanted to smack herself across the head for not recognizing his mom right away. She has always been a fan. But what are the odds of meeting him again? To her, it doesn’t seem like he remembered her. A part of her was relieved.

The two tables continued to talk among themselves throughout dinner. Eventually, Harry, Anne, and her friends decided to call it a night and return to their hotel suite. “We hope we see you ladies around!” Lenae enjoyed herself thoroughly. The British crew were all so kind and easygoing. She tried so hard to not make conversation awkward between herself and Harry. He really didn’t seem to remember her at all.

When the girls decided to leave, they called over the waiter to retrieve their check. “The gentleman who was sitting at the table next to you took care of the tab. You ladies are all set!”

The girls travelled back to their suite, recalling what had happened over the past few hours.

“I can’t believe that Harry guy paid for our dinner! How sweet of him!” Fran said.

“He must have moneyyy! We ordered a lot of shit between the two tables. He seems so young though. Like our age.” Brandi added. Lenae stayed silent, lost in her thoughts.

——

At 3 am, while the other girls were sleeping, Lenae found herself wide awake. She could blame jet lag, but her brain just hasn’t been able to turn off. After many failed attempts to fall back asleep, she got out of bed and walked toward her duffel bag. What she pulled out was a sketch pad and a pencil. Drawing was one of Lenae’s biggest stress relievers. A coping skill she learned as a child, she drew to clear her mind, ease any anxiety, or to just escape reality for a bit.

She left the hotel suite, making sure she had her hotel key before closing the door. The hotel had a beautiful garden with numerous chairs and benches surrounding it, a feature she noticed when her and the girls were exploring the place earlier. The area was equipped with light sources so she wouldn’t be completely in the dark, making it perfect for her to unwind. Making herself comfortable in one of the benches, Lenae immediately escaped to her happy place.

About 15 minutes later, she heard a soft, almost hesitant deep voice voice. “Lenae?”

She jumped slightly. Her heart rate beated a little faster. But seeing Harry calmed her down instantly. She placed her hand over her chest and sighed of relief.

Harry smiled sheepishly, “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine.” She laughed a little while moving over, giving Harry space to sit. “I scare kinda easily.”

Harry accepted Lenae’s silent invitation and sat down. “Jet lagged?”

“Maybe . . . I don’t know, it’s just one of those nights where I can’t get my mind to turn off.”

He nodded, “I get it. I couldn’t sleep either to be honest. I was on my way to gym to run a bit. That sometimes helps me.”

Lenae took a mental note of his attire. Black shorts, a white t shirt, and Nike sneakers. He also had a small hair clip to pull back to the front part of his hair. Adorable.

“I uhm . . .” Harry played with his bottom lip. “was hoping to run into you again actually. To uhm . . . to apologize.”

Her face scrunched up in confusion. Harry clarified, “For our first meeting.”

So he did remember her. “You remembered?”

July 15, 2013. One Direction was in the middle of their Take Me Home tour. Being a huge fan, Lenae attended both concert dates, July 13 and July 14, for Tinley Park, IL. She expected them to hit the road towards the next tour stop, so to see Harry casually sitting on the couch at a house party her friend invited her to was shocking. Beyond shocking.

Don’t stare. Close your mouth. Act casual. Don’t embarrass yourself in front of all these people.

She tried not to stare, but she couldn’t help her glances. She found herself looking at him in the middle of conversation with another person. Snuck a couple of looks while heading to the kitchen for a drink. Looked out of the corner of her eye while dancing to the music in the living room. It was like her eyes had a mind of its own.

After about 2 hours, Lenae decided to call it a night. After saying her goodbyes, she started walking toward the door. Just as she was turning the doorknob to leave, she heard “You can’t leave yet. We didn’t get a chance to talk.”

Lenae swore her soul left her body. Her eyes widened, while her heart beated 10x faster. She recognized the voice instantly. No way.

She turned around to confront the voice. Yes way.

Harry stood there with a drink in his hand, smile lopsided.

Lenae tried to play it cool. “Who says I wanted to talk to you?”

“I noticed you noticing me. So I just wanna put you on notice that I noticed you too.”

Lenae rolled her eyes while laughing. “Fresh Prince reference. Cute.” She felt her nerves slowly disappear. Harry has a strange way of making you feel at ease.

Harry smile grew wider. He grabbed her free hand and gently tugged her. “Come on. Don’t leave.”

“Parties aren’t really my thing. Too much stimulation.” Really, Lenae?

Harry looked up, as if he was thinking. “How about we go out back? No one is out there. Minimal stimulation.”

Lenae giggled. Thank God for her brown skin or else Harry would’ve known she was blushing; her entire face felt hot. She let go of the doorknob. “Very convincing.”

Lenae could not believe how she got herself into this situation. Just yesterday, she was singing and dancing her heart out along with the boyband who owned it. Now she was sitting on a glider bench and having a normal conversation with one of the members of said boyband.

Harry sat with his body slightly turned in her direction; one arm rested on top of the bench, extending behind her shoulders. She felt like she can talk to him forever. Conversation easily flowed like they were friends for years.

He placed his hand on top of her bare knee. “Where do you stay?”

“I actually don’t live that far from here. Maybe a couple of blocks away.”

“Do you have a roommate?”

“I do.” Lenae didn’t understand why he wanted to know that, but she didn’t question it.

Harry slowly slid his hand from her knee to her mid thigh. She was wearing a skirt that was very short when she sat down so a lot of her skin was exposed. Gently squeezing her thigh, he said, “I reckon we should continue this back at my hotel then, yeah?”

Clearly not catching on to what Harry was insinuating, she asked, “Continue what?”

The arm resting on top of the bench was now placed around her shoulders while Harry leaned forward. His hand left her thigh to cuff her cheek. His lips touched hers. He was kissing her. She sat there, too stunned to react. The feeling of his tongue on her bottom lip snapped her back to reality.

She broke the kiss by pushing him back, placing her hands on his shoulders. “What are you doing?”

“Kissing you.” He leaned forward to kiss her again, but Lenae pushed him back.

“We can’t do this.”

“Is it because we’re here? We can leave to go to my hotel right now if you like.”

She stood up. “I’m not going back to your hotel. I’m not having sex with you.”

Not gonna lie, Harry was taken back by her statement. No girl has ever denied having sex with him, especially a fan. He ran his hand through his hair. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Constantly looking at me. The tight clothes. You wanted my attention and I’m giving it to you.”

Lenae felt her blood boil. Her jaw clenched so tightly, she thought she was gonna crack her teeth. Slowing inhaling and exhaling to calm herself down, she spoke, “First of all, I dress for myself. Not for the attention of any boy. I didn’t even know you were gonna be here.”

“You must be used to all these other bitches giving you sex whenever you want. But I’m not them. Have some fucking respect.”

Storming off to the back door to leave, Lenae stopped before exiting. “Have a nice life. Hopefully your dick doesn’t fall off.”

Harry remembered it like it was yesterday. At first he was angry, because how dare she talk to him like that? But it was exactly the wake up call he needed. To have respect for himself. To have respect for the women he encountered and was attracted to.

“You chewed my head off with no mercy. Of course, I remembered.” Harry joked. He needed to lighten the mood to calm his nerves. He was very nervous for some reason.

It worked because Lenae laughed at the memory. “Yeaaaaaa, you really pissed me off.”

He was glad to not sense any animosity radiating from her. “I was an arrogant little shit who needed to hear that. So I’m glad you did. I’m not the same person I was back then.”

He raised his hand to run it through his hair. Remembering the hair clip, he scratched the back of his head instead. “Again, I’m very sorry.”

His apology seemed sincere, Lenae decided. Even though she remained a fan of One Direction, that incident made her look at Harry in a different light. So it was refreshing to see him own up to his actions. She smiled, “I forgive you.”

He returned the smile tenfold. “Thank you. Let’s just start over so we’ll have a clean slate.”

“I agree.”

Harry held his hand. “I’m Harry.”

Lenae snorted and playfully slapped his hand away. They both laughed and sparked up a conversation shortly after.

Soaking up as much time as he can with her, Harry never left to go to the gym. He only stood up an hour later when they both decided it was time to go back to bed.

——

“Harry!”

Harry turned around at the sound of his name, smiling instantly at the source. Lenae waved while increasing her walking pace to catch up to him. Opening his arms wide, he embraced her. The hug lingered as Harry embellished in her scent. He lightly kissed her cheek before he pulled away.

“I haven’t seen you in a while.” It was true. It has been about 4 days since that night, or early morning rather, in the garden.

“I know. Although I heard you have been going on dates with my mum and her mates.”

That was also true. Lenae has always been an early riser. Instead of sitting around the suite waiting for Fran and Brandi to wake up, she went to the hotel’s restaurant to eat breakfast. There she ran into Anne and her friends, in which they invited her to join them. As a result, they’ve been eating breakfast together for the past few days.

Lenae playfully asked, “Are you jealous?”

“Yeah, you were my friend first,” Harry responded to her playful tone.

She shook her head while giggling. This boy I swear, she thought.

“Fran and Brandi left to go to a couple of bars and clubs a few minutes ago. That’s not really my thing so I was gonna chill for the rest of the night. Buttttt if you want, we can go walk around town for a bit.”

Harry smiled. “I would love to.”

——

Harry can’t remember the last time he felt so relaxed. He and Lenae walked blocks around town, embracing as much Spanish culture as they can under the night sky. Talking about anything, laughing at each other’s jokes, Harry really didn’t want the night to end. So when they walked past a sign in the window of a building, promising a fun night of painting and wine, he suggested to check it out. He celebrated victory in his head when Lenae agreed.

The layout of the event was simple. Everyone in the room had to mimic a painting the host picked out, an oceanfront view on a bright sunny day. The host guided the class step by step on how to paint that particular piece. Unlimited wine was available because everything is more fun with wine, right?

One of the many things Harry learned about Lenae included the fact that she’s fluent in Spanish. Art was a universal language in Lenae’s opinion, but she helped translate the host’s instructions to Harry.

She felt Harry lean over to glance at her painting. He returned to his painting with a pout on his face. “Mine doesn’t look like yours.”

“It’s not supposed to. It’s not about your level of skill; it’s about unleashing your creative spirit and expressing yourself.”

He dramatically cocked his head towards her and focused his eyes on her. “It’s shit.”

Lenae bursted out laughing before covering her mouth with her hand, remembering where she was. Another thing Harry learned about her was her touchiness, especially when she laughed. She often leaned her head on his arm as she laughed. Like she was doing now. He didn’t mind; he liked it. A lot. He tried to keep up his facade, but he couldn’t help his chuckles. Seeing her happy made him happy.

She playfully hit his arm. “Stop it! It’s beautiful.”

He continued to look at her, not saying anything. She laughed again. “I’m serious! You know what? Every time you complain, you have to take a big sip of your drink.”

“You’re really gonna make a game out of my misery.”

She giggled. He’s so dramatic. “Yes. It’s supposed to be fun. No comparing paintings!”

Pouting once again, he took a sip from his wine glass. “Fine.”

They continued to paint, following along with the host. A few minutes later, Harry leaned over again. “How did you get your clouds to look like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like that. Mine look like a 6 year old did it.”

Lenae was definitely enjoying this. She laughed again before replying. “It looks fine. The finishing product will take attention away from the clouds.”

She let out another small laugh. “Drink some more of your wine. It’s fine.”

He put up his glass and squinted his eyes. “Are you trying to get me drunk?” He jokingly accused.

“Of course not. I’m just helping you unleash your creative spirit.”

He chugged the rest of his wine like a shot. “Oh my God, Harry!” Lenae exclaimed in disbelief before laughing again.

“It’s for my creative spirit.”

She raised her glass. “Yesss, I’ll drink to that.” Harry toasted her glass with his empty one, both laughing at the silliness of the situation. She took a sip while he tried to flag down a staff worker to refill his glass.

Towards the end of the event, everyone was placing the finishing touches on their paintings. Lenae leaned over to check Harry’s progress and almost fell out of her seat.

“Harry, what happened?!” The top half of his painting, which was supposed to represent the sky on a bright sunny day, was covered in black paint.

He took a sip from his, now third, glass of wine and placed down slowly on the table. His face was red and his eyes were glossy. He was definitely drunk.

“I think I messed up.”

Lenae took a deep breath in and exhaled through her mouth, to prevent from laughing. “Where did you-” She exhaled a small breath through her mouth again. “Where did you get black paint from?”

“From the person helping the host. I wanted to add little Vs.” He shaped the letter ‘V’ with his index finger in the air.

Small giggles escaped her mouth while she asked, “Little Vs?”

“Yeah! You know when you draw birds in the sky, they look like little Vs.” He repeated the same motion.

She couldn’t hold it any longer. Holding her stomach, she bursted out laughing. “Why is it completely black?”

Harry couldn’t help, but join her. “Because I put too many Vs. My creative spirit told me to paint over it so I can start over. But it was wrong.”

He picked up his paintbrush and handed it over to her. “Help me fix it.”

Lenae felt her stomach cramping from laughing so hard. Tears began to fill her eyes.

“Harry, there’s literally nothing-” She wiped her tears before another laughed escaped her mouth.

“There’s nothing I can do.” She motioned towards his glass. “Drink some more wine. Let’s see what your creative spirit says next.”

He picked up his glass and squinted his eyes. “This is what’s getting me into trouble.” He followed her instructions anyway and drank the rest of the wine left.

Lenae rubbed her cheeks in circular motions as she watched Harry dip his paintbrush into the white paint.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to label what’s supposed to be there.”

She leaned on his shoulder as she literally cried laughing. She felt like she couldn’t catch her breath when she saw the finished product, the words ‘sky,’ ‘sun,’ and ‘birds’ written out. Harry joined in when he finished.

She remained on his shoulder while she attempted to breathe. “It’s beautiful.”

“A bloody masterpiece.”

Everyone around them began to clean up their workstations. They took it as their cue to start cleaning too.

“I have to wee.” Harry stood up and smiled once he realized he kept his balance. “Not drunk at all.”

Lenae shook her head and watched him leave the room. A few minutes later, he returned.

“Ready?” He asked.

She nodded and grabbed their paintings. Making sure to thank the host on the way out, they journeyed their way back to the hotel.

“If I would’ve known I’ll be painting next to fucking Picasso, I would not have suggested going there.”

Lenae threw her head back laughing. “Oh come on, you know you had a lot of fun. Plus, I like your painting. It has character.”

Harry made the “pffft” sound when he suddenly lost his balance. Lenae held her arms out, prepared to catch him, and dropped her painting in the process. He caught himself before he tumbled to the ground and stood there to make sure he was completely balanced.

Lenae smirked while putting her hands on her hips. “You sure you’re not drunk?”

Harry smiled at her sheepishly. “I may be a little tipsy.” He held out his thumb and index finger, bringing them close together but not touching.

She rolled her eyes and picked up her painting off the ground. She wrapped her free arm around Harry’s waist. She was not sure if her 5’4 frame would be any help if his much taller frame decided to take a tumble, but she can try. “Whatever you say, Styles. We can’t have you hurting yourself.”

The gesture took Harry by surprise and felt his face getting hotter. Nevertheless, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

“I think we should probably get some food in you.”

Distracted by the feeling of Lenae’s arm on his body, Harry remained silent and let her lead the way.

It wasn’t until about 1 in the morning when Lenae entered her hotel suite. She was glad to see that Brandi and Fran returned safely as well. They both turned their heads at the sound of the door opening.

“Oh thank God! We were just about to call you. We just got here and didn’t see you.” Brandi was relieved.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you guys. I was gonna just hang out here, but I decided to go into town instead.”

“By yourself?” Fran asked, concerned.

“No, I actually went with Harry.” Lenae motioned towards her painting. “We went painting too.”

“Oh this is so pretty.” Fran admired her art while Brandi looked at her suggestively.

“You went with Mr. Superstar, huh? He seems really comfortable with you even though y’all only met once.”

Lenae filled them in on Harry and his celebrity status after that dinner on the first night because they seriously had no clue who he was. But she didn’t tell them everything. She sat on the couch.

“Actually we met before.”

“What?!” Fran and Brandi exclaimed simultaneously. “When?”

Lenae fiddled with her fingers. “Like 2 months before I moved to New York.” She recalled the story to them. When she finished, they stood there stunned.

“I can’t believe you didn’t have sex with him. You’re lucky you didn’t know me then. I would’ve knocked some sense into you.” Brandi remarked while wrapping her straight hair around her head.

“Are you saying I should’ve been a groupie?”

“Uhhh, yes bitch,” Brandi replied with no hesitation. They all laughed. “I mean, it’s not too late honestly.”

“Oh, please.”

“So if the opportunity presented itself again, would you have sex with him?” Fran asked.

Lenae stood up and bent over to grab her painting, an attempt to hide her smile. “I think it’s time for me to go to bed. It’s way past my bedtime.”

“Ooooooohhhhhhhhh!” Fran turned to Brandi. “That means yes!” They both burst out laughing while Lenae walked towards her bedroom.

“Let us know if you ever wanna use the suite! Me and Fran can find some business for a few hours!” Brandi teased.

“Goodnight!” Lenae yelled over their laughter. Although Fran was right, she wasn’t gonna spend too much time thinking about it. She doubted she will see Harry again once this trip was over. Even still, she didn’t think he wanted anything more than a friendship.

——

Back to reality. Eight day vacation to Spain was finally over. Lenae was sad to see it leave, but was also ready to be back at home in New York.

Surprisingly, her and the girls spent more time with Harry, Anne and her friends than she would ever imagined. They all ate dinner together for the past couple of nights and even spent the whole day together the day before. They were great company. Even Brandi and Fran admitted it, despite their constant teasing regarding Lenae and Harry.

She finished her packing quicker than the other girls so she decided to stop by Harry’s suite to have one more goodbye. Anne opened the door and tightly embraced her.

“We’re leaving in a few. I just wanted to say goodbye.”

Anne hugged her again and kissed her cheek when they separated. “Oh, you sweet girl. We enjoyed you, Fran and Brandi so much. You’re all so lovely.”

“We enjoyed you guys as well. We had a lot of fun.” Lenae hugged Sarah, Louise and lastly Harry. Harry kissed her cheek as well.

“Oh, honey. Come here please. We have to exchange numbers.” Anne pulled out her cellphone. Lenae smiled as she programmed her number into Anne’s phone.

“This way, we’ll keep in touch. I’m sure my son would also like to keep in touch as well.”

Eyeballs almost rolled out of the sockets, Harry looked at his mom terrified. He quickly straightened out his face when he saw Lenae giggle and look at him.

“That’s absolutely okay with me.” She told Anne. “I’ll be in Manchester soon with Fran. I’m sure we’ll have time to stop by Holmes Chapel.”

“Wonderful! Let me know. I’ll show you around!” The two women embraced one last time. Lenae waved her final goodbye and left.

“Mum, why did you say that?!”

“All I said was that you would love to keep in touch, which is true, isn’t it? You would’ve let her leave without getting her number.”

Harry groaned, completely embarrassed. “She probably thinks I’m a proper loser now. Had to let mummy get her number for me.”

“Oh Harry, stop being so dramatic.” Anne, Louise, and Sarah’s laughter filled the room.

“What happened to the whole ‘no one is good for my son’ thing? Now you’re Cupid?”

“I think she’s pretty close quite honestly. Now give me your phone. You want her number, don’t you?”

Harry thought about saying no because he didn’t want his mum to think she was right. But he also really wanted Lenae’s number so he pushed his pride aside. Unlocking it first, he handed Anne his phone.

“Now when you two get married, just know you owe me for the rest of your life.”

Harry rolled his eyes as Anne and her friends laughed again. They left the room, leaving him with his thoughts and Lenae’s number on his phone screen. He wondered if it’s too soon to text her. Would it be too overbearing? Should he wait a couple of days?

Fuck it.

Hey, it’s Harry. Sorry about my mum… xx

He placed his phone down, anxiously waiting for her reply. He didn’t have to wait long because his phone vibrated a minute later.

lol It’s okay ! I love her.

His phone vibrated again, indicating another incoming text message. He smiled when he read the message.

I wanted to keep in touch with you too..

[shorthaircutsmodels]

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If there's one style can be recognised for, it's her edgy cropped hair. How to get Emma Willis hair Another full-length photo showed off her outfit for the latest installment of the hit ITV singing competition. He is known for his short crop as well as presenting all sorts of reality shows over the years such as the voice and Big Brother. So fans were distracted by long blonde locks on the first episode of the second series of the Circle last night. How can a girl get a quiff? The contestants lived in the same building but were only sporting shock to see that blonde hair into high ponytail extensions Willis adapted to social media-based game show viewers to communicate via an online platform. Serves hair blonde ambition Madonna told Twitter user Darren Haywood was soon back. Emma Willis hair 2020 - 2021 The Big Brother presenter, 40, had been growing out of her pixie crop for the past few months but it seems she has decided life with long hair isn't just for her. She took to Instagram last night to reveal she was visiting the hairdresser for a good ol’ chop. And ah mazing looks. How long is Emma Willis hair? Made another strong look on tonight's episode of Channel 4's The Circle Live. The presenter, 43, wore a chic black trouser suit on the show, with a silky trim on the collar. She paired it with gold jewelry and minimal make-up with her hair scraped back into a messy bun.

[ddaengunnie]

Gone Awry

Tama Tonga/OC. Kinda angst, I’m not sure how to define this!

Reader is attending Tama’s wedding and has some truths to tell the groom during the ceremony.

(I may do a pt 2 at some point, and if you like it feel free to make requests).

I couldn’t believe we had made it to this day, the wedding. I honestly never thought in a million years that either party, the bride or the groom, would end up following through with this. I chastised myself for thinking such horrible things, especially on their special day, but I had seen the ups and downs of this relationship from the start and what several us knew about the bride could ruin the whole thing.

I had been working alongside the bride for a couple of years now at All Japan Women’s Pro-Wrestling, one of many all-female wrestling companies in Japan. A lot of the girls that worked for the company got to know those who worked at New Japan Pro-Wrestling, we liked to go to their shows when possible as they were literally so chaotic. Myself, the bride and the groom would often hang out together in a large group with other friends, several of us were foreigners looking to get to know more people in an unknown country.

Sometimes, if myself and the groom spent time alone there would be these moments, these odd moments where it seemed as if we were more than close friends. Nothing came of it because we were just that, close friends. I cared about him, a lot, and if previously he had been interested I would never had said no. I guess I did like him… but it wasn’t like I could tell him that now.

Speaking of, the groom, Tama, was facing the front of the venue waiting for the wedding to proceed. His brother was stood beside him, of course he had chosen his brother to be his best man, they were so close it seemed to be the logical conclusion.

The hot Florida sun beamed in through the floor to ceiling windows. The bride, Louise, had insisted on coming home for a wedding which I couldn’t blame her for but God did their bitching and moaning about the hassle give me earache? Yes, it did.  

In all honestly I didn’t want to be here, I didn’t want to see this wedding happen and I considered leaving before the bride made her appearance. I should count myself lucky that I was on the end of the row of chairs, so if I did leave I wouldn’t have to squeeze past everyone. I knew I couldn’t do that though, that would be rude and disrespectful and I had to show support for Tama, despite not agreeing with the whole thing.

Louise wasn’t my cup of tea; we had been great friends at one point… and she still thought we were. The day she started bragging about all the things she had been doing behind her boyfriend’s back, was the day I started to think differently about her and decided she wasn’t worth as much of my time. As time went on she continued to show off, none of us felt it was our place to say anything, either to her or to Tama, even though most of us thought she was out of order.

As the bridesmaids made their way down the aisle to stop at the front before the bride made her entrance, everyone turned to watch them. Some familiar faces from across the aisle smiled at me, the friends from Japan were scattered sporadically within the rows, some on my side and some on the other. I knew quite a few hadn’t been able to make it from Japan to Florida so they would be missing out, inside I envied them a little.

As the wedding march began I almost rolled my eyes, I would have to endure this now. Everyone had turned to see Louise in her dress, she did look beautiful. The gown fit her perfectly and was the right style for her, her long blonde hair curled and put into a very pretty half up style.

I couldn’t keep my eyes on her for too long, I just couldn’t stomach it. I turned my gaze towards the front and caught the gaze of Tama, who looked at me and smiled before looking back at his bride.

That beautiful smile was enough to send my heart racing, feeling as if it would jump up my throat and out of my mouth.

‘As if.’ Was the flippant thought in my head, I couldn’t be reacting like that, he was about to get married. I had no idea why my body reacted like that to a simple smile, that had never happened to me before.

I watched the way Tama looked at Louise while the ceremony went forward, as if she were the greatest treasure in the world and she was all his. In his eyes, you could see that he was completely devoted to her, and he would lay his world at her feet if he had asked.

My heart broke in two from his gaze, he had no idea what was happening when he wasn’t around, how she was playing him for a fool. I felt so guilty that I was sat here letting it happen…

I had barely been listening to what was being said within the service but I’m sure it was the typical kind of thing that was said at weddings. My attention finally focused when a silence came over the room, the question of whether the wedding should proceed hanging in the air.

To my own surprise, and to those around me, I shot up out of my seat, earning several gasps as everyone turned to look at me.

Christ, what the hell was I doing!? My mind screamed at me to sit back down but I couldn’t, not now that I had interrupted.

Both Louise and Tama were looking at me, one with an incredulous look on their face, the other confusion.

“Do you have something you wish to share?” Asked the minister, who was looking at me expectantly.

Great, they probably all thought this was going to be like a scene in a cheesy romance film where the girl expresses her love for the groom and they run away into the sunset, a lovely happy ending.

“I-I just… can’t sit here and let this happen.” I said, using my hand to gesture towards the ‘happy couple’ as I stepped out into the aisle trying my best to ignore the murmuring that started among the guests.

“This- I’m not here to tell you I love you…” I looked up at Tama who looked just as confused as before, “I do, I love you… but this isn’t what this is.”

My hand came to my head, tangling in my hair for a moment as I tried to think of what to say.

“You really have no idea Tama, who she is or what she’s like.” I glanced at the rows of people to see many of my female co-workers sharing wide-eyed looks because they knew exactly where this is going. The bride’s face had become a little red and a scowl had formed at my words.

“I don’t want to be the one to tell you, but I have to. Louise has been…. Cheating on you,” a collective gasp from the guests accompanied by looks of shock, “she has been for a long time.”

I hated the look on Tama’s face, I hated that I was the one that caused it. Utter heartbreak, betrayal and anger were the emotions that his expression seemed to switch between.

“No. No, no. It isn’t true, I’ve NEVER… She’s just jealous! You heard her! She loves you, she doesn’t want me to have you!” Louise’ shrill voice filled the room as she pleaded with him, wanting to cover up her tracks.

“Who?” Tama’s usually soft voice was tinged with barely contained anger and the look in his eyes matched.

When nobody responded, he demanded again, his voice louder than before causing a lot of us to flinch. Trying to look away from them both, feeling immensely guilty for what I was doing, a friend nodded solemnly at me as if telling me to tell him.

But, I didn’t need to say a word, all those who knew kept flicking glances over at the person in question, including the bride herself. The whole venue fell into silence as Tama turned to follow these glances, his eyes falling on his so called ‘brother’ Fale.

I backed towards the door, deciding that now was a good time to make my exit now, as the air in the room was tense. As I escaped through the heavy wooden door everything seemed to erupt, multiple voices were raised and I was glad I wasn’t still inside.

I practically ran across the gravel to my car, as well as I could in heels anyway, and threw myself into the front seat. I ripped the shoes from my feet and threw them onto the back seat, my purse followed.

I just sat there, silence taking over, staring at the building in front of me. Tears clouded my vision as I became frustrated, my hand smacking the steering wheel several times to cause a dull ache.

What had I just done? Why couldn’t I have just left it alone and kept quiet? I shouldn’t have done it… it was their happy day… But I just couldn’t let him go through with it without knowing.

My heart went into overdrive as I saw him emerge from the venue alone, shaking his hand as if it ached. His hair was now free and fell down his shoulders, as opposed to it being tied back two minutes ago inside. The look on his face told me he wasn’t happy, and he was making a beeline for my car.

I had no idea why he was coming over and if anything, I was scared out of my mind, I had just ruined his wedding of course he was bound to be angry. I wiped the tears that had spilled down my cheeks as he opened the passenger door and slipped into the seat beside me.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, he simply rubbed his knuckles as he looked at me. Dear God… he hadn’t hit someone, had he? That made me feel a thousand times worse.

“Tama, I’m so, SO, sorry. I shouldn’t have…. It was your special day and I ruined it, Now I’ve ruined your relationships between Louise and Fale.” I took in a shuddering breath to refrain from crying. “And I really didn’t mean to…. I just- you had to know just-“

My sentence was interrupted abruptly by him crushing his lips against mine, his hands holding my head in place before he pulled away. He stroked a strand of my hair out of my face before settling back in the seat.

“Take me away from here.” Was all he said as he put his seat belt on.

I simply nodded, put my seat belt on and started the engine. Clueless to what was going on back inside with the bride, I began pulling away from the building, only the sound crunching gravel followed behind us.

[ramajmedia]

5 Best & Worst Episodes Of Bates Motel (According To IMDb)

Norman Bates first appeared in the 1959 novel called Psycho by Robert Bloch. Just a year later, Alfred Hitchcock would adapt the book as a horror film starring Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates. Perkins would return for three Psycho sequels from 1983 to 1990, before passing away in 1992. After a forgettable TV movie called Bates Motel released in 1987, followed by an even more forgettable remake of Psycho in 1998, Norman would return once again for the TV prequel, Bates Motel.

Related: 10 Best Things Bates Motel Did As A Prequel To Psycho

A&E’s hit show would run from 2013 to 2017 starring Freddie Highmore as the iconic killer. The series would end after five seasons, but not before telling the haunting tale of Norman Bates’ early years. Now that all of the episodes have been out for a few years, IMDb has given the show a total of 8.2 out of 10. Here are the 5 Best And Worst Episodes Of Bates Motel (According To IMDb).

10 Best: “Forever” - 9.5

Season 4 Episode 9 of Bates Motel continues to show Alex Romero trying to get Norman back into Pineview. Romero tries numerous times to convince Norma that she isn’t thinking clearly, but that only makes her more upset since she thinks she knows what is best for her son. Seeing that she isn’t going to get through to her, Romero meets with Dylan behind Norma’s back to try to get Norman committed, as Pineview only needs two signatures from family members.

The episode finally shows Norman getting what he wants as Norma breaks it off with Romero to focus more on her son. The episode ends with Norman trying to commit a murder/suicide by lighting the broken furnace in their basement and then laying in bed with his mother. Romero tries to save them, but Norman is the only one to survive the ordeal.

9 Worst: “Nice Town You Picked, Norma…” - 8.0

Like many TV shows, Bates Motel got better as the series went on. The majority of the worst-rated episodes come from Season 1, starting with the second episode in the series called “Nice Town You Picked, Norma…” This episode introduces Norman’s half-brother/cousin named Dylan. Dylan shows up needing a place to stay, which Norma begrudgingly agrees to.

This episode also begins the bond between Emma and Norman as they are grouped together and a school project and accidentally stumble upon a marijuana field together. This episode has one of the earliest showcases of Norman's violent tendencies, as he tries to kill Dylan after he insults Norma.

8 Best: “Marion” -9.4

Bates Motel was always a prequel to Hitchcock’s Psycho, but Bates Motel told its own story about the character Marion Crane. In this episode, Marion (played by Rihanna) checks into the Bates Motel. A lot of the events leading up to the famous shower scene are very similar to Hitchcock’s film, but Marion actually isn’t killed by Norman. Instead, when Norman begins to feel the urge to kill Marion, he hurries her out of the motel.

Related: 10 Iconic Quotes From Psycho

The big twist of the episode is that Norman ends up killing Sam Loomis the same way Norman killed Marion back in 1960. It was an ingenious way to end the episode by paying homage to the original, but also not doing a shot for shot remake.

7 Worst: “Unbreak-Able”- 8.1

Tensions are high in Season 3's fourth chapter. “Unbreak-Able” focuses on the aftermath of Annika’s death as Norman wonders if he killed her, while Norma tries to decode the flash drive she received before Annika died. Romero also tries to figure out how Bob Paris is connected to two deaths in White Pine Bay.

Norman and Emma start to get intimate in an abandoned cabin, but when Norman mentions his mother, Emma is justifiably upset and storms off. The episode ends on a bit of a cliffhanger as Norman discovers that Caleb has been living with Dylan. Norman thinks Dylan has betrayed their mother and after a scuffle with his brother, he drives off to tell Norma of Dylan’s deceit.

6 Best: “Norman” - 9.3

Like most season finales of Bates Motel, Season 4's conclusion leaves little to no room for disappointment. This episode deals with the aftermath of Norma’s death, heavily focusing on Norman and Romero. Norman plans funeral arrangements by himself and when they allow him to see Norma in their parlor, Norma’s eyes open for just a brief moment.

Norman, not being able to cope with his mother’s death, digs her up, brings her home, and super glues her eyelids open. The finale also sees Romero getting arrested for perjury, so he is unable to get his revenge on Norman. The episode ends when Norman is about to kill himself, only to hear his mother playing on the piano.

5 Worst: “Underwater”- 8.1

Appropriately titled, Season 1's ninth episode begins with Norman dreaming about drowning Bradley. Norma tries to sell the motel but a realtor tells her the motel won’t sell since a highway bypass is being built that will make people avoid the road to her property.

Norman’s teacher, Blaire Watson, continues to support Norman with his writing and even goes as far as to publish his short story without getting Norma’s permission. As if Norma’s life wasn’t already in a tough spot, Jake threatens to kill Dylan and Norman if she can’t come up with $150,000 that Zack Shelby owed him from the Chinese sex slave trade.

4 Best: “The Cord”- 9.3

Many TV shows can’t quite stick the landing when it comes to series finales, but thankfully Bates Motel had no problems when it came to ending Norman Bates’ storyline. The episode begins with Regina driving Norman and Romero to the site of Norma’s corpse in the woods. After an altercation with Romero, Norman kills him and then takes Norma’s body back home. After getting stuck in the memory of moving to White Pine Bay, Norman calls Dylan to tell him the news of them moving from Arizona and invites him over for dinner.

Dylan urges Norman that he needs to get help after he sees his dead mother’s body propped up at the dinner table. Dylan then shoots Norman in self-defense, thus ending Norman’s killing spree. The series ends with shots of Dylan, Emma, and their daughter happily walking down a Seattle street, the motel being sold to another family, and finally, a shot of Norma and Norman’s tombstones.

3 Worst: “The Man In Number 9”- 8.1

“The Man in Number 9” picks up directly where the last episode left off. Romero arrives and changes the story of the incident with Shelby in order to protect Dylan. After Emma comes to visit Norman, Norma takes Emma on a drive where she finds out about Norman’s attraction to Bradley.

Related: 11 Reasons We Question Norma Bates' Parenting Skills

Oddly bothered by it, Norma decides to spy on Bradley through Emma before offering her a job at the motel. This episode introduces Jake Abernathy as the mysterious man in room 9, who would quickly prove to be a huge problem for the Bates’ since they killed Keith Summers and Zack Shelby.

2 Best: “Norma Louise”- 9.2

With the support of Norman, Dylan finally confesses to Norma that Caleb has been staying with him at the farm. Absolutely furious, Norma packs a bag and storms out of the house. She then buys new clothes, trades in her car, and tries to hook up with somebody at a bar.

This entire time, Norman is extremely worried about his mother; at one point, even blacks out and starts acting as if he is Norma. This episode marks the first time that Dylan sees Norman wearing Norma's clothes, while also showing Dylan and Emma’s romantic relationship begin to blossom.

1 Worst: “First You Dream, Then You Die”- 8.2

While the series finale is among the best episodes of Bates Motel, the very first episode of the season is among the show’s worst. The show begins with Norman finding his dead father, which - later in the series - we find out was his doing. Norma and Norman move to White Pine Bay, where Norma surprises her son with a Motel that she bought as a fresh start.

Things spiral out of control quickly as Norma is assaulted by a man whose family previously owned the property. After Norma kills him, she asks Norman to help clean up the mess and they later dump Keith’s body in a lake. While it is among the worst episodes of the show, it still started off the series with a lot of shocking moments and did its best to introduce most of the main characters.

Next: Slasher: 10 Things Only True Horror Fans Would Have Noticed

source https://screenrant.com/bates-motel-best-worst-episodes-imdb/

[georgiabread]

falling for you ; phan | epilogue

Full summary ; Dan Howell is dead. Well, sort of. He’s a guardian angel, forced to protect only one human, and that human is Cat. But when he accompanies Cat to school, he can’t help but be intrigued by the broken boy with the black hair who sits by the window in class and disappears at lunch times. Dan realises this boy needs more protection than Cat will ever need, so he takes on human form to save him. But soon he finds himself falling in love, which is something he definitely can’t do. Dan Howell is an angel, and he’s falling for Phil.

Tags ; highschool!phan, teenage!phan, plantboy!phil, spaceboy!dan, angel!dan, phan, phan au, phan fluff, phan angst, chaptered

TWs ; bullying, violence, mentions of self-harm, mentions of death/suicide, depression, panic attacks, physical and verbal abuse, homophobia, foul language and supernatural themes.

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"They all say that nothing ever changes, through the new lines that are on their faces—"

dan ; 65 years later

The clouds are grey and weary as they roll across a darkening sky. Rain slips from their folds like tears, splattering on the windscreen, and the highway ahead is barely visible. Lightning arcs across the sky, flashing reminders of the bushes and fields on either side of the road. Even in his old age, Dan still finds solace in a thunderstorm. He doesn't flinch at all.

Two hands clutch the worn steering wheel. They are sprinkled with brown spots, coarse and weathered by an 80-year life, but warm nonetheless. Dan can remember the time when the cold had been squeezed from his fingertips by the hands of another. They'd been warm ever since.

A quick glance at the leather watch latched around his wrist reveals the time. 11.48 pm. He's late. He's so very late. His daughter is going to absolutely kill him when he gets there well past midnight. He can almost hear her worried voice now: "You were supposed to be here by nine! Why didn't you leave earlier? It's hard to see the road at night and anything could've happened to you."

Dan doesn't blame her, honestly. In fact, he would probably agree with her. But he's still the Dan he was 40 years ago – albeit mature with a deeper understanding of the world, he will always leave things until the last minute. Or hours past the last minute, as it is. Surely it's not his fault if his evening nap stretched on for longer than he intended, though? And it's hard for a man who, even now, devotes endless time and effort to his career which technically should've ended a decade ago. A lot of things seem to fill up Dan's hours, which is why he is edging over the speed limit along a poorly lit road in the middle of the night, as buckets of rain pound upon the asphalt and the dented roof of his car. I'll be fine, he tells himself over and over. Evie's place is only 15 minutes away.

For a moment Dan cracks a melancholy smile. He really misses his daughter, and her entire family. His family. But now he gets to see them again – Evie, her husband, his granddaughter and the rest of the clan. Tomorrow he can hug them, talk with them and simply be with them again. Unfortunately his son, Caleb, wasn't able to make it but everyone had agreed to skype him during the reunion. Then he feels a painful tug of sadness on his heart when he remembers that one other person won't be there either.

He's tried hard to avoid thinking of Phil, he really has. People used to tell him to dwell on the happy memories rather than the sad ones, but even that only drags him into a familiar pit of misery. He resolved not to think of Phil at all after the dark-haired man passed away. Work and family provided easy distractions from his thoughts, but it was impossible to escape them completely. For three years, Phil had left Dan alone in their cosy home in a rural village near London. By now he is expected to have moved on, but Dan tells no one of the dark nights he would spend lonely in his bed, furiously wiping away tears and begging for someone to drag him out of his head. The only person he'd prefer to do that is Phil. But Phil is gone. The only relief has come from knowing his husband now rests peacefully in heaven. But even that weighs upon his heart, for he knows that not even in the afterlife will he see Phil again.

At some point, dense huddles of trees have begun slipping past the car window, seeming to appear from nowhere as Dan drives on. His mind is found elsewhere – in the past.

When they were younger, still with so much to see and learn, Dan and Phil had scraped together enough money from their respective minimum-wage jobs and moved out of town. They left all of it behind – their school, their homes, the florist and the library and the hideaway in the forest – but of course kept in touch with friends and family. Mrs Lester and Daisy were always a call away from their new home, while Stephen was eventually jailed for a year and had a restraining order filed against him afterwards.

Their old 'squad' had inevitably separated to pursue their own careers, but would catch up for coffee when they could. Dan swelled with pride when Louise published her first novel, and was ready to burst into tears listening to Troye's first ever EP. PJ went on to create masterpiece films on YouTube which guided him into the film industry. After a few years of confusion about his calling, Tyler became an LGBT+ rights activist. 'Beauty Vlogger' grew to be the professional term for Zoe. And Cat plunged into law and criminology, unexpectedly.

The third to build a career out of YouTube was Phil. He never planned to gain a large following or even go anywhere at all with his channel, AmazingPhil, which at first only existed to make money on the side. Dan watched on with enthusiasm as his boyfriend gained thousands and thousands of subscribers with simple chatty vlogs; he developed an intense fanbase, released merchandise, collaborated with other big names and was even featured occasionally in articles or teen magazines. It simultaneously felt overwhelming and exhilarating – and even slightly scary when Phil introduced Dan as his boyfriend, enticing the shippers to emerge from the shadowy depths of Tumblr in the hundreds.

Dan can still remember the moment Phil hit one million subscribers – something from a life that seems so far away he can barely see it on the horizon. It had been a quiet night for the two of them, some pointless TV show background noise for the apartment they moved into nearly a year after the incident with Stephen. While Phil was off editing his next video, Dan had been humming away to a song by Kanye West as he cooked up a delicious meal of spaghetti for the two of them. Because yes, even as a fully-functioning 20-something-year-old adult, Dan was hopeless at cooking anything extravagant.

A subscriber count was up on his phone; surprisingly, Dan was more invested in AmazingPhil's stats than AmazingPhil himself. He shocked the house with a high-pitched squeal when 999,999 became 1,000,000, prompting his boyfriend to come bumbling into the room a few seconds afterward.

"What? What's wrong?" Phil had blurted, pushing his glasses onto the bridge of his nose.

Dan simply shoved the phone in his direction, a brilliant grin on his cheeks. A brighter one grew on Phil's face moments later.

Two blinks and Dan is dragged back into the present. It's midnight. It's nearing pitch darkness on the road ahead. And the era of AmazingPhil is long dead and gone. Dan frowns sadly to himself – he never followed in Phil's footsteps, deciding a career in YouTube wasn't for him. Instead, fast-forwarding a few years of university study in counselling and psychology, Dan began working for a non-profit organisation focused on raising awareness for bullying and mental health, and supporting those who were unwell. It was a rewarding occupation which allowed him to campaign against bullying and social stigma, work with children and young people and – ultimately – make positive impacts in the lives of so many. High school experiences had burdened his mind years after his education, so Dan couldn't sit by and do nothing while others inevitably faced similar struggles to himself. And making a difference in the lives of children, teenagers, adults – even whole families – had allowed him to finally escape his past and fling it into a deep corner of his mind.

Then suddenly he was nearing 30, and Phil dragged him halfway across the globe to Japan where he proposed under a canopy of cherry blossoms. It was picture-perfect and filled with the sounds of tears and kisses and the repetition of three simple words. Dan and Phil couldn't have been happier.

Next came a 4-bedroom house with a wide backyard and corgi named Milo who loved to pee everywhere. From lugging moving boxes into the lounge with over-exaggerated complaints about their heaviness, to cuddling with Milo by the fireplace 2 years later, Dan and Phil – just as in love as they had been when they were teenagers – couldn't have found anywhere they'd rather be other than beside each other. And, sooner than expected, beside their two adopted children, Evelyn and Caleb.

Cue 10 years or so of absolute chaos. Or, mostly chaos. Evie and Caleb were biological siblings, and they bounced off each other like two positive charges – and they produced a lot of negative ones. Tantrums, fights, pranks and more tantrums were battles Dan and Phil barely came out of alive, but if someone had asked them whether it was worth it, they'd say yes in a heartbeat. Nothing on earth could compare to raising a family together (other than their wedding day, of course). Eventually their kids grew and matured, with a few obstacles such as puberty hindering them. Dan and Phil had a terrific job bonding with Caleb during his angst-filled teenage years, and strained through Evie's random phase which lasted longer than it should have. But when both of them graduated and moved out of home, the two husbands realised they would gladly do it all over again.

Now there's dampness on Dan's cheeks. He wills himself to keep his eyes on the road and out of his head, smearing away his tears with one wrinkled hand. It's okay. He's okay. He'll be seeing his family soon. Now is not the time to burst into loud sobs over his memories – he's done enough of that already.

The rain grows heavier, pounding against the glass of the windscreen like an army of soldiers. All Dan can see is water, and a split second of road when the wipers shove the droplets from his view. He can feel his heartbeat without having to touch his chest, almost matching the speed of the rain. But he'll be okay, he reminds himself again.

Knuckles turn white as they clutch the steering wheel. Sweat pools in his socks. Vital organs like the stomach are starting to get left behind. And all he can see, all he can hear is rain, rain, rain.

Phil. He needs Phil. Phil always knows what do in these situations. He'd hold Dan's hand if it was available and rub calming circles on his palm. He'd talk him through the panic, telling him to put his foot on the break and take deep breaths. He'd reassure him that he was okay, he was safe and nothing was going to happen to him. "I'll always be right beside you," Phil used to promise.

Dan knew he never meant to break it.

A side road winds away from the main highway, but of course Dan can't see it. Nor can he see the second car driving miles over the speed limit, never stopping to give way to Dan.

Suddenly there is an ear-splitting screech of rubber tyres against slippery tarmac. Metal crumples, glass shatters and Dan's vision spins out of focus. The car collapses around him. He doesn't have time to scream. The vehicle turns and plunges into a ditch hidden in the trees to his left, flipping onto its roof with a resounding crunch of aluminium.

The world stands still. Dan's eyes crack open and he stares at the blur of black and green around him. Then excruciating pain surges through his body, searing his arms and legs and bursting flames in his torso. Shards of glass litter his skin, most buried deep within it, and blood paints his body and the mixture of metal and dirt beneath him. He lets out a low groan, burying his burning head into his hands, the skin torn to pieces.

He's never felt anything like this since the moment his wings were torn from his back, decades ago.

Something cold is pressing down into his left leg. Dan can't move it, no matter how hard he tries. He's trapped. But surprisingly, he doesn't panic. Only one prayer to God is present in his mind.

Please take care of my family.

Then Dan lets his eyes fall shut and he mumbles, "I don't know if I'm ready."

And out of the blue there is a familiar voice in his ears, and for a moment Dan thinks he's hallucinating when he hears the reply, "You are ready, Dan. You know you are."

Dan's eyelids shoot open and he stares up into a face he'd almost forgotten. The Keeper looks exactly the same as when he last saw him – deathly pale, emotionless expression, a dark coat swirling at his feet. But something is different. His eyes are different. They look back at Dan with a strange sadness he had never seen before.

"You...Why are you...? I thought – but you – how?" Dan croaks, incredulous. "I thought I'd never s-see you again."

The Keeper glances down at his feet before dropping to a crouch. He peers at Dan through the wreckage of the car. "I came to tell you one last thing. You think you're not ready to die a second time. But you are more than ready."

"Am I...am I going to hell?" Dan whispers, voice cracking on the last syllable. He blinks away tears he didn't realise were blurring his vision until now.

"Dan...I've watched you live your second life in the greatest way you could. I saw you build a career, marry Phil, start a family...I couldn't have been more proud of you, and gladder that you found the happiness you needed." The Keeper hesitated, sucking in a small breath, before meeting Dan's eyes. "But it was a test. A test you knew nothing about. For everyone who breaks the bond between angel and human, they're given another chance without knowledge of it. They're free to live life as they please, and if they do enough good, if they can prove their worth...well, that just might be their last ticket to heaven. And you, Dan, proved more than I ever suspected."

After the Keeper's words, it is so silent Dan is sure they can both hear his own heartbeat. For a moment he forgets the pain coursing through his crushed and ruined body, only focusing on what the Keeper had said. Did he mean...?

"All that work you did with that mental health organisation...creating awareness for bullying, working with young people – all of it. You turned yourself around. Dan, you passed the test. You're going to heaven."

Dan can do nothing but close his eyes and rest his head in his arms. He allows complete and utter relief to wash over him, almost overtaking his pain. He's going to heaven. He'll be okay. He'll be with Phil. That realisation overwhelms him, and now he just longs for his heart to stop beating, no matter how morbid it sounds. His skin is on fire and he can't move and his body is deteriorating and he just wants it to end. Because being with Phil sounds infinitely better than this.

"Is Phil there?" he suddenly asks hoarsely, lifting his head and taking the Keeper by surprise.

"I don't know, but I'm pretty sure there's no way that guy could go to hell," he replies, a hint of sadness in his tone. A beat of silence passes. "Look, Dan...I'm about to get quite sappy here, I warn you. But when you first came to Purgatory, even though you were quite frustrating, I saw myself in you. The cynicism and the coldness and–"

"Oh wow, thank you so much."

"But," the Keeper continued, raising his eyebrows, "it made me fond of you. You were sort of different in that...I'd never cared for any soul as much I had for you before. It surprised me because you showed me what it was to be human. You helped feel genuine emotion, something I've rarely ever felt, and I thank you for that. I almost miss watching out for you when you were a guardian, because I lo – I mean, I, uh, liked seeing what...you would do next, y-you know?"

A frown crawls its way onto Dan's face. "Yeah, I guess..." he mumbles. Something is suddenly a little off about the Keeper's behaviour, but he can't put his finger on it. He decides to ignore it for now. "But thank you for telling me that, it means quite a lot."

The Keeper stares at him with a small smile, then opens his mouth to say something, seems to think better of it, and averts his eyes to the ground. And there's...there's colour on his cheeks. An ever-so-pale blush on his ghostly white complexion. Something, Dan is sure, has never happened before. "That's quite alright," the Keeper murmurs.

Suddenly it all connects in Dan's mind, the last puzzle piece fitting into place. It makes absolute sense...the hugs, the words of comfort, the subtle yet very obvious sorrow whenever Phil was mentioned. The blushing–

"Anyway, Dan," the Keeper unknowingly interrupts his thoughts. "Your time is just about to come to an end, I'm sad to say."

Dan simply nods, easily accepting it. He doesn't want to wait for it any longer. He can see Phil in his mind, perhaps even waiting for him to arrive at his last destination. But for now he can see the Keeper in front of him, sat in the mud and remaining there for him throughout his last moments. With one last bout of strength, he reaches out his old, mangled arm and grapples for the Keeper's hand, who takes it without hesitation. Dan squeezes gently, and as his eyelids float shut he murmurs with sincerity, "I'm happy I met you."

The last thing he hears before his heart stops is, "I'm happy I met you, too."

*

His body is enclosed in warmth, draped around him like a woollen blanket. Something soft and thin glances over his cheeks; it's fresh grass, caressing his skin. A feather-like breeze tugs at his curls, coaxing them into the air. And Dan feels...alive.

His eyes are closed but his lungs are open, filled with sweet-smelling air as he breathes softly through his nose. It's placid. There is no noise. Dan feels as if he is lying on a bed of clouds, cotton candy and freshly dried sheets. He could fall asleep here. But he's only just woken up.

Belatedly, Dan moves. He flexes his fingers and shifts his head and wriggles his legs. Gentle grass and damp soil press into his skin, reminding him of summer months and the sun in his eyes. The sun. He comes to the realisation that the sleepy warmth he feels comes from sunlight. A contented sigh leaves his lips – it's been so long since he felt heat like this. Then, like a bear waking from hibernation, Dan cracks his eyes open and is met with the colour yellow. The straw of the towering prairie grass, bending in the breeze. The saffron of the sky, paled by the intensity of the sun. The gold of his hands, gentle and new and unblemished. Young.

No longer is his skin littered with ageing spots or wrinkles. There are no traces of wounds from the crash, seconds or minutes or hours before. Dan sucks in a calming breath and reaches to touch his face. His cheeks are soft, smooth and spongy, and his lips are no longer cracked and shrivelled. Every part of him feels renewed. Repaired. Like he is young again.

Suddenly Dan finds the strength within him to sit up, shocking him with how easy it comes. He pulls his legs underneath him and pushes up with his arms, leaning back onto his feet. For a moment, his eyes roam the area in which he's been left, and the frown on his face flips into a small smile. He knows where he is. Of course, it's refreshingly different from the last time he was here. But the meadow still stretches out by the acres, enclosed by a woodland he never saw beyond.

Purgatory had never been separate from heaven, and perhaps hell for that matter. Dan finds it comforting.

So then he sighs, gets to his feet, brushes the grass from a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt and admires the thin physique of his body. So many years had gone by since he looked like this. His arms are well-built, his torso sturdy and for once he feels he can trust his feet – which are bare and pushing coolly into the grass – to keep him upright.

That is when the sound of footsteps crushing into the long straw reaches his ears, snapping him from his thoughts. Dan holds his breath, nerves spluttering to life as he keeps his back facing the newcomer. He's almost afraid to turn around, but then he swallows the butterflies in his throat and twists on his feet.

Dan looks up to meet a pair of cerulean eyes, glimmering in the light and crinkled at the edges from an elated grin.

Phil looks just like he did when he was 17 years old, although his jaw is slightly sharper and his shoulders are broader. His fringe, as dark as ever, falls perfectly to the left of his face. His cheekbones are knife-sharp and smattered with freckles. And his skin displays a warm glow, cheeks rosy and face smooth. But it's the smile that startles Dan the most.

Sunlight bursting from his very being, Phil's peachy pink lips are pulled into a smile that might as well reach his eyes, his teeth are showing and he isn't covering his mouth like he used to do. Dan can't tear his eyes away. Here, after 3 years of being apart, here is his significant other. His soulmate. And they're both young again and Dan is falling in love all over again, and he can only hope Phil is doing the same. But a part of him knows he is.

Then Phil breaks the silence between them, exclaiming between a laugh and sob, "You're really here!"

Complete and total joy blossoms in Dan's chest and spreads throughout the rest of him. He's in heaven. He's with Phil. And everything is going to be absolutely okay. He moves forward through the grass, lips curling up to imitate Phil's grin, and his heart is hammering against his chest to the beat of the butterflies in his stomach and Phil is moving closer and –

They're together again. They crash into each other, arms winding around chests and fingers clutching shirts and eyes squeezing shut. Dan pushes his face into Phil's neck, clinging to him as he lets out a few unwarranted sobs and breathes in the comforting scent of cinnamon (even in heaven). Phil lets out a trembling but relieved sigh and buries his nose in Dan's hair, peppering the curls with kisses as he clutches him tightly to his chest. They hold each for an eternity.

"I'm here," Dan murmurs eventually, never, ever wanting to let go.

"You're here," Phil repeats in reply.

Dan laughs then, the sound thick and a little choked up, but it's okay. He couldn't have been happier. He takes the slightest step back to look into Phil's eyes, lifts a hand to caress his cheek, thumb brushing over his lower lip. "I'm sorry you had to wait so long," he whispers.

"Don't say sorry. Time doesn't really exist here, anyway, so I barely had to wait," Phil assures him. He hooks his arms around Dan's waist. "Now, can I kiss you?"

"Be my guest."

Then their lips meet, and it doesn't feel any different except for the sweetness Dan can taste as he kisses the dark-haired boy, tugging gently on his bottom lip with his teeth. Phil tastes bright and sugary, and Dan immediately misses the feeling when they pull apart. The butterflies continue to bang against his ribcage.

"I almost forgot how good of a kisser you are," Phil giggles, staring at him with the fondest look in his eyes.

Dan rolls his eyes playfully, ignoring the sudden warmth in his chest. "You forgot me? You forgot me? I thought you loved me!"

"You know very well that I hate you, darling."

"That sounds like something a Tumblr user would say."

"Well, there's no Tumblr here! I've checked."

"That's a disappointment."

"No it's not. You have me to entertain you."

Dan quirks an eyebrow at that. "Was that...an invitation to do something I probably don't want to know about?"

"Maybe," Phil shrugs, smirking a little. Then he lowers one hand and intertwines their fingers. "But first, we should probably leave the meadow. There's so much I want you to see outside the trees."

Dan's eyes widen, heart leaping at the thought of going beyond the woodland. Phil tugs him round to face the border of the grassland and throws him a small grin. Dan easily returns it. And then they walk, hand in hand, towards the trees that enclose the fields of gold, and as long as Phil is right beside him, Dan feels nothing but eager to find out what awaits them next.

-

a/n ; i think i’ll just say that i’m proud of this one. extremely proud. a year and a bit and 134,806 words later, falling for you is finally finished. to anyone who has and who will read this, thank you so so much. any kind of support means the world to me <3 

[velarisstars]

Looking Back

Summary: Dan and Phil, old and gray and in their eighties, still make the most out of life, despite some difficult changes. Told through their present day and very domestic flashbacks, Dan and Phil will be together forever. Phil promised.

A/N: Here’s a fresh, hot fic, right off the keyboard! I hope you guys like it :) There is NO death, so you don’t have to worry from the summary! And it’s a HAPPY ENDING!!! Hooray!

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3,833

Read on ao3!

Dan had gotten used to the sounds of hospitals. Machines constantly whirring and beeping, keeping track of one’s life. It was odd, really, how some machines here could mean the difference between life and death for some people. He was just glad one of those hadn’t been hooked up to him or Phil. Yet.

It was only a matter of time. Dan was creeping up on eighty and Phil was halfway through it. Dan could hardly believe his body had survived long enough to see 2067 with his own eyes. It was a shock when he surpassed 2043 and even 2056. Not that he was ill or in bad health, but his body was so old and worn. He never took care of it. Not in the slightest.

Dan leaned against the wall in the hallway, tightly gripping his cane and pushing his glasses up on his nose. He never thought he would need those, either, but after hitting forty something years old, his vision began to fail him.

~

“It’s not all that bad,” Phil had said, trying to console Dan as they sat at the optometrist. “I’ve been wearing glasses for years! You’ll look good in them. I promise.”

Dan couldn’t help the blush that crept its way up Dan’s neck and rested on his cheeks. He smiled a little, and Phil leaned over and kissed his nose. “Thanks.”

~

“Dad!” a girl said happily, and Dan looked up, being greeted by his daughter, who had long, golden locks of hair that spilt over her shoulders. She gave Dan a hug, making sure not to squeeze too tightly. “How’s Dad?”

Dan sighed, rolling his eyes. “I still don’t like how you call both of us Dad. How will we ever know who you’re referring to?”

Camille laughed, smiling brightly. “Take guesses? I dunno. Want me to start calling you Dan and Phil?”

“No, that’d be weird,” Dan said with a frown. “Your brother calls him Papa. Why can’t you do the same?”

“That makes him sound old.”

“Because he is old,” Dan reminded.

“Hey! The walls aren’t soundproof!” Phil suddenly shouted, causing Dan and Camille to laugh.

“So he’s fine, then?” Camille asked, the smile slowly slipping off her face. She looked at Dan expectantly, hoping for good news.

“This time, yes. The doctor is almost done and then we can go in.”

Camille let out a small sigh, her shoulders slumping. “Why aren’t you in there? You shouldn’t be standing out here with your back in the shape it is. You need a chair.”

“I’m fine, Camille.”

“Dad.”

“I promise. I’m okay. My back isn’t even hurting that much today,” Dan said truthfully. He hadn’t had a bad day in about two weeks, which was rather good. His new medicine was beginning to work wonders for him.

The door next to them opened, and the doctor stepped out, a wide smile on his face. “Mr. Lester is all good. You can go in whenever.”

“Great!” Camille said, quickly slipping by the doctor and into the room.

Dan sighed, but there was no mistaking the grin on his face.

The doctor turned to Dan, his smile faltering. “Before I leave you, Dan, I just want to say something. This is Phil’s third doctor’s visit this month. And it’s for the same thing. He can’t keep falling like he has. I think you and him need to talk about other options.”

The frown Dan now often sported, made a reappearance on his face. “He’s not going to a home.”

“That’s not what I meant. I think maybe your husband ought to think about using a wheelchair to get around. I’m afraid that if he falls again, he might break something. And at his age, surgery is too risky. There won’t be much we can do.”

“I understand,” Dan mumbled. “I’ll talk to him tonight.”

“Good idea. I hope I won’t have to see you again for a long time yet, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you,” Dan said, shifting weight onto his cane. He watched the doctor leave him before slowly making his way inside the room where Camille chatted happily and Phil chuckled at what she had to say.

Phil’s eyes broke away from Camille’s and found Dan’s. Somehow, even after nearly forty-something years, Phil’s eyes had managed to stay the same, vibrant blue they were when Dan first met him, all the way back in 2009. “Hiya, Dan!”

Dan snorted, furrowing his brows. “Hey, Phil? I know you’re not drugged up this time, so don’t act so chipper.”

Phil frowned playfully, sticking out his tongue. For an eighty year old man, Phil was so mature. “I’m always chipper when Camille comes for a visit. She makes me happy.”

“Dad,” Camille whined, her face turning pink. “You act like I never see you anymore.”

“I feel like I only see you at hospitals. When was the last time you came home? It’s been far too long. You should stay for a few days, yeah?” Phil looked over at Dan, eyeing him in a way that said, If that’s okay?

Dan smiled, nodding his head once. “Soon,” he said, giving Phil a look. They had things they needed to talk about, and both preferred to do it when their kids weren’t around. They didn’t like worrying them with things that weren’t important.

“Maybe later this month?” Phil said then, looking back at Camille. “And you can bring your dog and boyfriend you keep hiding away from us.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Camille muttered, and Dan and Phil laughed.

“Yet,” Dan said, grinning as he caught Phil’s gaze. The both of them had said that phrase more than enough times throughout the years. It became a joke mostly. Especially after they got engaged and decided not to tell anybody.

~

“Phil, come get your boyfriend!” Louise shouted over the loud music. “He’s done three too many shots, and I swear he’s about to start stripping and that’s the last thing any of us want to see.”

Phil laughed, eyeing Dan from across the room. “He’s not my boyfriend!” Phil shouted.

“I don’t care what he is, get him under control!”

Dan giggled as Phil pulled him out of the bar and into the alley next to it. “I’m not your boyfriend,” Dan murmured, laughing as Phil kissed him lightly on the lips.

“Damn right you’re not,” Phil said lowly, kissing Dan on the lips harder and slowly making his way down his neck. “Never again.”

~

“Nevertheless,” Phil continued, “bring him by. Dan and I would love to meet a friend of yours.”

Camille sighed, leaning back in her chair. “I’ll ask him about it.”

“Alright,” Dan said, carefully standing back up. “As much as I love seeing this hospital room nearly every week, I like the looks of mine at home a lot better. Phil, let’s get out of here.”

Phil clicked his tongue, tossing the thin bed sheet off of him. “I agree.”

Camille was quick to Phil’s bedside, helping him out of the bed and handing him his walker. The tennis balls on the bottom were falling apart, and Dan made a mental note to get those changed if Phil decided he didn’t want to use a wheelchair.

Their daughter walked them to a cab, and kissed both of them on the cheeks before saying bye. Dan really hoped she would stop by soon. He needed to call her brother and ask him to come down as well. He hadn’t seen him since Christmas.

Inside the cab, Phil leaned against Dan and rested his head on Dan’s shoulder. “I really miss them,” he said quietly. “I don’t like them only visiting when something happens to one of us.”

“I know,” Dan murmured, grabbing Phil’s hand and running his thumb in circles over the small bumps. He couldn’t remember when Phil’s hands began to wrinkle up and get lumpy, but he couldn’t quite remember when his began doing the same, either. “I would have asked her to stay tonight but you and I need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk, Dan.”

“Neither do I, Phil, believe me, but we have been putting this off too long. I know that’s who we are, but it’s time to act our age for at least an hour.”

Phil chuckled at that. “What even is our age? I lost count after thirty.”

“Hmm, I think it’s twenty-something. It’s hard to tell.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Phil said, and they both laughed, Dan shaking his head. “How about we make some tea and we can sit and chat, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan replied, tilting his head so it rested on top of Phil’s.

They rode home the rest of the way in silence, knowing that when they got settled, the quiet wouldn’t return for quite sometime.

~

“When was the last time we even heard silence?” Dan groaned, falling face first into the mattress next to Phil.

Phil chuckled, reaching over and running his hand through Dan’s curly hair. He hadn’t seen it straight in so long. “I don’t think you hear silence, Dan.”

“You know what I meant. Don’t play with my hair, it’s gross.”

“It’s fine.”

“Is it bad I can’t even remember the last time I showered? The kids smell better than me, and Jacob covered himself in peanut butter today.”

Phil laughed, trying to keep it down so he didn’t wake the kids. He heard Dan having a hell of a time trying to get them to go to sleep and be quiet, and he didn’t want to ruin all his hard work. Tonight was Dan’s night to bathe them and put them to bed. “You can go take a shower now, if you want. I’ll wait up for you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Dan said, turning his head so he was facing Phil. “Go to sleep. I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

“I think we both are, Dan.” Phil closed his book and took off his glasses, setting them on the table beside the bed. “I love Camille and Jacob to death, but the silence is nice.”

“Mmm,” Dan hummed, eyes slipping shut as he listened to Phil’s breathing and nothing else. He agreed, about loving his two kids with everything. But sometimes, they just needed a little peace and quiet.

~

Oddly enough, Dan and Phil found themselves in Jacob’s old bedroom down the hall. They didn’t go into the kid’s rooms much anymore, mostly because there was no reason to. But tonight, Dan and Phil had been feeling a little sad about their kids.

“I know they’ve been moved out for so long, but it feels like they just did it last week,” Phil said, looking around the bland room. It once used to be painted deep blue with planet stickers stuck to the wall, but Jacob grew out of that phase by sixteen, and so they painted the walls eggshell. That’s what they were looking at right now.

“I know the feeling,” Dan said, shifting backwards on the bed and leaning against the wall. “How did they grow up so fast?”

Phil let out a soft snort. “How did we grow up so fast?”

“I have no idea,” Dan said. “Sometimes I still have trouble believing the year on the calendar in the kitchen.”

“You mean to tell me it’s not 2015 and we didn’t just finish writing our book?”

Dan rolled his eyes, sitting up and wrapping Phil in his arms. “If only we were that young,” he murmured. “Walkers and canes are getting old.”

“Maybe we should get one of those hoverboards that were popular back in 2016 to get around.”

“Phil, you would fall instantly and smash your face into the ground. I don’t think so.”

“Relax, it’s only a suggestion.”

Dan sighed. Here goes nothing. “Speaking of suggestions …  Doctor Miller told me of one today.”

“If it’s the same one he told me, then …”

“Then?” Dan prompted, kissing Phil lightly on the neck.

“I think we should follow through on it,” Phil said quietly. “I don’t - I don’t want to fall again and this time be my last.”

“I don’t either,” Dan murmured. “I couldn’t … I couldn’t imagine -”

“Dan, don’t,” Phil said sternly, turning his head to look at Dan. “I’m fine. We’re both fine, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan whispered, feeling his throat tighten just a bit.

“Hey.” Phil shuffled out of Dan’s arms, turning to face him. He placed both hands on either shoulder, looking into his brown eyes. “It’s only a wheelchair, Dan. I’m not going to kick the bucket just yet.”

Dan looked at Phil’s blue irises, knowing if he didn’t stop soon, he would get lost in them.

“You could go swimming in those eyes,” he once told Phil.

“But-”

“Dan, shut up,” Phil said, smiling and leaning in to kiss him softly. “If anything, the wheelchair will extend my life. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. Even if one of us were, the other wouldn’t be far behind.”

Dan looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean by that?”

“Our lives are bound. Don’t tell me you don’t feel it.” Phil lifted Dan’s hand and placed it on his chest. “I’m convinced our hearts beat as one. When one gives out, the other will, too, because it doesn’t have one to keep in sync with anymore. We won’t have to live long without each other, Dan. I told you this years and years ago.”

It was thirty-six, to be exact. But it wasn’t that particular conversation that came to mind. It was the one before it.

~

“Phil, I actually hate you,” Dan whined, looking up at the dark sky as rain poured down. He told Phil it was going to storm, and Phil insisted they go to the park anyway.

“I’m sure you do,” Phil said, rolling his eyes and grabbing Dan’s wrists, pulling him close to his chest. “Let me make it up to you.”

“I don’t think you can. If anyone sees me with my curls, I’m divorcing you.”

“All bark and no bite,” Phil chuckled, beginning to sway him and Dan back and forth.

“Are you trying to slow dance with me, Lester?”

“I believe I am, Lester,” Phil replied, pressing his lips into a thin line to contain his laughter.

“There’s no music.”

“I’m aware.”

“You can’t dance without music,” Dan said, pulling away from Phil. “Luckily, I can help with that.” Dan took out his phone, glad he bought a waterproof case for it, and scrolled through his songs until he got to the letter U. He clicked play, turning up the volume so it could be heard over the downpour of rain.

“Is this … Dan!” Phil laughed as they swayed back and forth. “This is Undertale, isn’t it?”

Dan blushed. “Maybe.”

“I haven’t this since our wedding. Why did we make this our song again?”

Dan snorted, shaking his head to the side to move his hair from his eyes. “Because. We had an adventure to endure. Just like Toto. And we still do. Our journey isn’t over yet.”

“Oh, that’s right. I did promise to go on an adventure with you, didn’t I?”

“Actually shut up, Phil,” Dan said, a smile never leaving his lips.

They danced in the rain, stealing wet kisses and goofy smiles. They danced until the rain stopped, and they danced long after. But time didn’t matter to them. They had all of it they could possibly need.

~

Phil was insistent that they try out his new wheelchair, so he made Dan take him to the museum.

“It’s not a new car, Phil. It’s a wheelchair. How is this exciting?”

“How is it not? You get to push me around and I don’t have to do a strenuous thing.”

Dan frowned. “You can wheel yourself, you know. Your arms still work.”

“Hold on, let me wheel myself down some stairs to disprove your theory.”

“Phil! Not funny.”

“Oh hush, Dan. I’d never be that daring, anyway.”

Dan sighed, pushing Phil along the smooth, marble flooring of the museum. They had been here once before, years and years ago with Phil’s parents. It was a nice time, that day. “Anything particular you want to see, or can we go home and watch game shows like most old people do?”

“I don’t know why you want to pretend to be old, Dan. So eager to grow up?”

“You know, just because you say we’re not old, doesn’t mean it’s true. My bones remind me every time I move of my real age.”

“Age is but a number. If you ignore it, it’s not there.”

“Nice thinking, Phil,” Dan said jokingly, pushing him along the corridor. He remembers the last time he had to push Phil in a wheelchair. Fifty-two years ago.

~

“I want to feel like I’m Lightning McQueen. Push me faster!”

“Lightning McQueen? Really? Phil, if we go any faster, I’m sure I’ll trip over the back wheel here and you’ll hit something and go flying from you chair. Don’t be the reason new wheelchairs come with seatbelts. Please.”

Phil laughed loudly at that. “Wouldn’t that be something to be known for?”

“Yes, forget Dan and Phil’s: The Amazing Tour is Not on Fire, or even our hosting of popular award shows, but remember why all you old folk and injured people have to wear seatbelts while using a wheelchair.” Dan looked down at Phil’s leg, encased in a bright green cast.

“At least people won’t forget how I broke my leg.”

“You mean by tripping into the giant ice sculpture at the after party of the Brits and having it come crashing down onto your leg?”

“Exactly.”

“Only you,” Dan said, shaking his head in amusement.

“Only me.”

~

“Finally, the kids come home!” Phil cheered, opening his arms wide to hug his kids. Dan stood next to him, looking down at the smile on his face as he hugged their children. Nothing made Phil happier than his kids. Well, aside from Dan, that is.

“Hi, Dad,” Jacob said, reaching out to Dan and pulling him into a hug.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“New wheels, eh? Looking good, Dad,” Camille said, running her fingers over the smooth handles of the wheelchair.

Phil frowned, shooting Camille a look. “Still won’t call me Papa? Or even Pops?”

“Nah, that’s for old people.”

Dan laughed quietly to himself. Camille and Phil were so alike, it was almost scary. Of course the kids weren’t biologically theirs, but they shared similar attitudes from being raised from infants to adults.

“Let’s go inside and make some hot chocolate,” Phil said, reaching for the wheels on his chair when Dan suddenly gripped the handles. He preferred to push Phil everywhere.

~

“For my own reasons,” Dan told him.

“Dan, using my arms won’t kill me faster. I can wheel myself sometimes. It’s okay.” But Phil let him do what he wanted, only to make him feel better.

~

“What, no tea?” Jacob asked. It was usually always tea. Given it was a little cold out, his dads always suggested a cup of hot tea and some biscuits.

“Tea is for old people,” Phil said, letting Dan wheel him in the house, following close behind his kids.

~

Dan walked into the kid’s playroom when he saw packets of marshmallows torn open, and actual marshmallows littered across the room. “What the h-”

“Chubby bunny!” Phil said loudly, just before Dan could finish saying Hell. Phil had a strict “no profanity” rule for the kids, and though Dan tried to follow it the best he could, sometimes Phil wasn’t always there to stop him.

“Phil,” Dan said, bending down and picking up a marshmallow. “You can’t play chubby bunny with mini marshmallows, you nerd!”

“What do you suggest?”

“Maybe marshmallows that are slightly bigger and actually restrict the ability to talk.”

“And block airways? No thank you.”

Dan didn’t bother telling him that mini marshmallows were easier to choke on. He didn’t want to suck the fun out of things, like he tended to do. As long as he and Phil were with the kids and monitoring them, they should be fine.

“Daddy! Come play,” Camille said, patting the floor between her and Jacob. “Daddy was just showing us how to play.”

Dan strode across the room and sat down, looking at Phil intently. “Well, are you going to tell me how to play?”

Phil rolled his eyes, which seemed to be a common action between the two. “Shove marshmallows in your mouth and say, ‘chubby bunny.’ That’s it.”

“So, like.” Dan grabbed a packet of marshmallows and shoved half the bag into his mouth, most of them falling to the floor. The kids laughed and squealed, and Phil only stared at him with a waiting smile on his face. “Chuuubbbaaay bunnnnnaay,” Dan said, the word barely audible with his mouth stuffed so full.

Phil laughed, throwing a stray marshmallow at Dan’s face and hitting him in the nose. Dan spit most of them out, but continued to chew and swallow the ones already inside his cheeks. “You have a little something there,” Phil said, pointing at Dan.

“Where?”

Phil leaned across the space between them and kissing his lips, licking the bits of marshmallow that stuck. “There.”

“Ew!” the kids squealed, grabbing the marshmallows and running from the room.

Dan and Phil laughed, collapsing in the piles of marshmallows on the floor.

“Why are there so many?” Dan asked, eyeing Phil.

“Honestly, I don’t even know.”

~

“God, when was the last time we had sex?” Dan asked into the darkness, Phil’s snort nearly scaring him to death. He didn’t mean to voice his thoughts so openly, but … Oh well.

“Are you trying to tell me something, Dan?”

“No, I’m just saying.”

“It’s been a while, I know that. I don’t think our bodies could handle it these days.”

“Yeah …” Dan said, trailing off. “I bet I could give you the most mind-blowing orgasm, and your heart would beat so fast, you’d go into cardiac arrest and die.”

Phil laughed, swatting at Dan. “Stop! There’s no way you would tell anyone the reason behind my death.”

“Your grave would say it all: Philip Michael Lester, eighty-two, father and husband, death from mind blowing orgasm.”

“Dan, stop!” Phil groaned. It was a little dark, but Dan bet anything Phil’s face was the same shade of a tomato. “I can’t believe you think you could give me an orgasm that good.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Hell no,” Phil snorted.

Dan chuckled, wrapping his arms around Phil and pulling him close. He buried his head into his neck, breathing in his scent. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Phil murmured, raking his fingers through Dan’s gray hair. He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss the brown, but as long as the color of Dan’s eyes never changed, he could deal with the color of his hair.

“Phil?”

“Yes?”

“Please don’t ever leave me.”

“I would never,” Phil said.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

[mark-lyn-and-friends]

A True Gentleman

This is a fic based off of the second picture of this photoset by @misoko

http://misoko.tumblr.com/post/143734612555/my-true-pairing

If you are a Rutger/Clarine fan like me they have a lot of awesome art of them you should check out

"But father, I don't know anyone here. Why couldn't I stay in Pherae or Ostia where I have friends?" The fourteen year old boy asked with a hint of complaining. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy going to new places, but he knew this trip was more focused on politics than pleasure.

"Because Rutger, there are people here that you can meet and be friends with." His father, the former tactician, answered. "Lord and Lady Reglay have kids that are just around your age, so you don't have to listen to us grownups talk about boring politics."

"And they aren't racist to Sacaen people?" He asked knowing that it could be an issue.

"If they were they wouldn't be friends with us." His mother answered. "They may be nobles, but they are the good type of noble."

"Well said Lyn." Mark said agreeing with his wife. After that the castle guard called for them and allowed them into the meeting room with Pent and Louise.

"Welcome Lady Lyndis, and you as well Mark, how have you been lately?" Pent greeted them happily.

"We've been good. A bit surprised that you called us here, but good nonetheless." Lyn answered. "Thank you again for the accommodations as well, they are very nice."

"No problem." Pent said as he sat down at the table. So Mark, Lyn and Rutger followed suit.

"And who might you be?" Louise asked Rutger. "You're quite the handsome one."

"Um, my name is Rutger." Rutger answered blushing a bit. "I'm fourteen."

"Oh, so just a bit younger than our son Klein then." Pent replied. "You know him and his sister are just down the hall, if you want you can go meet them while we talk business." Rutger looked at his parents and they nodded so he got up from the table.

"Thank you Lord Reglay." He said politely and Pent just chuckled.

"Call me Pent okay?" He explained and Rutger understood. So he walked down the hall someways before he heard the sound of people talking, more precisely arguing.

"But whyyyyy? Why do you have to join the army Klein, I want you to stay here with me and have tea parties and dress up." A young sounding girl whined. "What if you end up falling in love and never coming back?"

"You'll understand when you're older Clarine, I have to do this for the betterment of Etruria and myself." A more mature voice interjected before Rutger knocked on the door to the room. "I'll get it." The door opened to show a short blonde haired boy with a determined look on his face. "Oh, you must be the visitor that father told us about, come on in."

"Thank you." Rutger said as he walked inside. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but my name is Rutger, I guess our parents are friends with each other."

"Nice to meet you Rutger, I'm Klein." Klein said extending his hand for a shake, which Rutger took. "And not really, just your usual sibling squabble."

"I wouldn't know, I'm an only child." Rutger commented. "And what's your name?" He asked the girl, but she just crossed her arms and turned away from him. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Yes you did." Clarine told him. "A true gentleman introduces himself by kneeling down and kissing a girl's hand."

"Don't mind her, she hasn't quite matured yet, she's only eleven." Klein commented. But Rutger was amused with her attitude so he went along with it.

"Okay let me try again." Rutger said. "Make sure you answer the door though." So he left and knocked on the door again. Clarine answered it and Rutger got down on one knee and took her hand.

"Lady Reglay, what a pleasure it is to finally meet you, I am Rutger of the New Lorcan tribe of Sacae." He said playing along, even adding the kiss on the hand. "How does this nice day treat you?" Klein just sighed and put his hand on the bridge of his nose that someone was acting so gullible with his sister. Rutger expected her to respond in a fancy way, but instead she started inspecting his hair with her hands.

"Clarine, what in Elimine's name are you doing?" Klein asked even though Rutger wasn't complaining. "That is really rude of you."

"He said he was from Sacae but he has brown hair." Clarine explained as Rutger chuckled from the ticklish feeling he was getting. "Every Sacaen I've met has green hair. Are you sure you aren't from Bern?"

"My father was born in Bern and has brown hair, that's why my hair is brown." Rutger said still smiling. "And my mother's mother was a Lycian noblewoman, so I may get some from there as well." With that revelation Clarine pulled her hands back from his hair and stared at him in shock.

"How could you not tell me you were nobility? I must seem so rude right now." She cowered back slightly. Klein just rolled his eyes seeing as she just now got his point on being rude.

"Nah, I don't mind." Rutger said cheerfully "Besides, my mother abdicated her position, so I'm not sure what that makes me."

"For a more serious question, who is your mother?" Klein asked.

"My mother's name is Lyndis and my father's name is Mark." Rutger answered. "They said that they fought with your parents with Lords Eliwood and Hector."

"So you're technically the heir of Caelin if I'm remembering the story correctly?" Klein asked again.

"Yeah, but I don't plan on causing a dispute, Lord Hector takes good care of the land and Sir Kent is a wonderful Knight Commander." Rutger answered.

"Why wouldn't your mother want to be a noble though?" Clarine asked. "Doesn't she know what kind of life she could live?"

"She once told me that she knew that she couldn't be a good leader for the people, and that's why she gave control to Lord Hector." Rutger explained.

"What about you?" Clarine continued. "You are quite handsome, not as much as my brother, but you could live like a noble if you wanted to. It's really fun, you get to play dress up and have tea, and you get to tell people to do whatever you want them to."

"Clarine, how many times have I told you that's not what being a noble means." Klein scolded her. "You have to serve the people, not be served by them."

"I know, I know, that's why I practicing to be a healer." Clarine told Rutger.

"That's cool, I don't have any magical skills so I use a sword. And to answer your question, I haven't really given it thought." Rutger said truthfully. "But I have tons of time to decide. So what do you guys like to do?" So the three of them continued to talk and Rutger kept going along with Clarine's antics because he though it was amusing, much to Klein's chagrin. Eventually so much time had passed that night had fallen and Mark and Lyn came back to find Rutger and Klein playing chess with Clarine sprawled on the floor sleeping.

"And checkmate." Klein said as the door opened. "You're quite good Rutger, 2 out of 5 is impressive."

"He gets that from me." Mark said with a grin. "It's time to go Rutger, we have some time tomorrow so maybe we can come back."

"Okay." Rutger said standing up. "I had a really fun time Klein. I hope we can do it again."

"Me as well. Hopefully Clarine will be more mature then, but you dealt with her pretty well for your first time." With the mention of her name Clarine woke up and started rubbing her eyes open.

"Hey, you better not leave without telling me." She yawned. "It's not gentlemenlike." So Rutger bent down and took her hand again.

"I had a wonderful time Lady Clarine, and I hope you did as well. Until we meet again, farewell."

"Farewell Sir Rutger of Sacae, may we meet again someday."

Years Later

Clarine waited in the cell, yelling at all the passerby to let her free, but to no avail. Despite her bravado she was quite scared of what might happen to her. Then a red clad figure came to the bars with his back turned and unlocked the cell.

"You better be letting me out of here." Clarine told the man, but as soon as he turned around her face became shocked. "You're, you're," she started to stammer, knowing that face from years ago, even though it was locked in a permanent scowl.

"Just get over here before someone sees us." Rutger said grabbing her hand and leading her out of the dungeons.

"Hey, you shouldn't be grabbing me like this, where are your manners?!" She started yelling at him.

"Will you stay quiet? You won't be able to make a clean escape making all that noise." Rutger said staring her down. Clarine was wondering to herself why Rutger was so mad, it made her wonder if it even was him.

"Why are you helping me?" She asked as the continued towards the stables.

"I despise Bern with all my soul, letting you go will send them a message." He told her.

"You know that only piques my curiosity further." Clarine stated. "You are Rutger of Sacae correct? Or are my eyes playing tricks on me?"

"I'm not the boy you once knew." Rutger said untying a horse for her. "Now go, I hear a battle outside, the attackers might be able to help you." Clarine balked at the command so he picked her up and placed her on the horse. "Now go, I'll cover you."

"You're coming with me." Clarine huffed. "It's what a true gentleman would do." Little did she know how hard those words would hit him, reminding him of days past when he was actually happy and safe. He took a deep breath and saddled up behind her, not wanting to waste more time with this escape.

"Don't expect me to follow you all the way back to Etruria." He said gruffly and Clarine had the horse move away from the castle.

"You just had to attempt an escape in the middle of a battle, didn't you?" Clarine sighed as she surveyed the battlefield.

"Either that or leave you with those madmen." Rutger grumbled. "Look, to the east, that's where we go."

"Ah, yes, I see them." Clarine responded seeing the attacking army. "Hopefully they are respectable enough. If not you can defend me, right?"

"If I must." But, luckily for the pair, it was the Lycian Army, and the start of a long campaign against the King of Bern.

[midnatt-heronweather]

2019

My Year review, for my own reasons, starts from March 7th.

though what I will say about pre then is, it is an honour to be known by the creator (Cassandra Clare) as the first person to ever admit to being a fan of the Starkweather family after asking about them when she and Holly Black came to Manchester in February. And that I owe that little meet for making me properly look at Holly “Folk of air.” series.___________________________________________________________________________________________

Gigs:

I pick 7th of March to start this review because it is the day myself, Heather and Ally went to see Freya Ridings who had the week before had her song “Lost Without you.” played in an important scene on the final half of the final season of Shadowhunters. I didn’t get to meet her this time, so her song card is still in my folder to be signed one day, and I have hope it will.

As seems to be my song recently, I didn’t get to many gigs this year, though a lot of my fave people toured (some even reformed, but that was over in the US)Due to funds we didn’t even to any Whitby this year (any as there are 4 now may I remind the reader)

Don’t ask me why but I went to see John Barrowmans Christmas show in Harrogate. I love the man but.. I’ll stick to the normal stuff.. if you can call anything Barrowpants does as normal.

What I did get to, was see Counterfeit the week before my birthday with Ally, Jaime and co were on top form and so what I needed after a perfectly ghastly couple of weeks leading up.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Conventions:

*Liverpool Comic Con The same weekend at the Frey Ridings gig, gave me more time with my pack on a bad week. But I’m not talking about that here.Anyway, my reason for Liverpool Comic Con this year was the chance to meet Peter Facinelli (Carlisle Cullen, Twilight / Max Lord, Supergirl)I am a after all a Twilight and a Supergirl fan and also S.W.A.T fan (but he left in s1)Peter told me he hadn’t been written out of SG to make way for the LGBT storyline, he’d asked to be left out as the show had to move filming locations and he didn’t want to be so far from his family all the year. I didn’t gloat to the Sanverse lot but it was tempting.

I also got to speak with Paul (Paul Schrier and Jason Narvy) who played Bulk from Bulk and Skull in Power Rangers, thought Jason waved. They are both sweethearts and while, as mad as their on-screen counterparts, not as annoying, I walked past Paul a few times before finally deciding to ranger up and tell him he was the first person I saw on screen and considered a role model for the “bigger” person. He told me an awesome story about another girl who because she was big had been stuck playing him until he’d fronted up to kids making her and she got to play one of the rangers.I saw the duo again at “Wales” in December and Paul remembered me when I said hi.

*Survival 4 - 2019-04-05 to 2019-04-07 -Ren, London: the first Starfury of the year, the convention I’d given an entire show a 3rd look for after finding out Sean was actually inviting the Seelie Queen herself Lola Flanery (Maddie Griffin, The 100), I’m still not sure if she was amazed, saddened or sickened by the fact me and Heather had come to the convention just for her, but it got a few laughs from Sachin Sahel (Eric Jackson, The 100) who seemed to be her escort for the weekend.I dropped to my knees in the proper greeting of the queen that Jade Hassoune (Meliorn) had taught me the year before at the first Pancon, gave her the fanmade cookbook (don’t ask) and.. I like to think we impress her with our Seelie court cosplay despite being rushed by Sean's announcing.

* Last Wales Comic Con in Telford I looked a tit. I left my shoulder piece at ally so ended up looking like some Roman surf.Meeting David Wenham didn’t go to plan in the slightest, he is my fave actor from Lord Of The Rings and yet somehow, telling him that seemed to bore him.

Russell Tovey (George, Being Human/ Ray Terrill, The Flash) was polite, but colder than I’d have expected, especially when he was so animated and nice to everyone else.

While I have Amanda Tapping auto twice from a friend, finally standing beside her (Capt Carter, Stargate / Dr Magnus, Sanctuary) was an honour, especially When she seemed to like Martouf the Symbiote, as I said my Tok’ra costume had gone to hell but her smile made it bearable.

Alexander Ludwig ( Bjorn, Vikings) was wearing a shirt from Descended from Odin, he laughed when I recognised the logo he is so far the nicest OG Vikings cast member I’ve met.

* Starfury Ultimates 4 - 2019-05-17- 2019-05-19/20 - Hilton, Birmingham:

I got to meet the love interest of my favourite Coluan, Nicole Maines (Nia Nall/Dreamer, Superigrl) and the last reason I have to watch Legends in the form of the amazing Amy Louise Pemberton (Gideon), me and Louiza did our first duo cosplay as Jareth and Sarah from The Labyrinth, though I forgot the Goblin King wears Make up, I seemed to do okay as far as the SF peeps thought.

*LFCC:

well, I’ve said all I am going to say about the lies and lack of organisation and care from the stewards. so. The con....I died, visibly, slowly, but with a lot of translating from my long suffering Parbatai Heather I managed to meet, greet and speak with BOTH Greyjoys,First I had to face them for a photo shoot, in a uniform that was smaller than it was supposed to be, I felt daft not only because it was a Starfleet uniform but because I’d dreamed of cosplaying a greyjoy and my size made it if nothing else monetarily impossible, so I threaded my OBO necklace under my collar, totally against Starfleet regs, and stepped, up, Gemma said hello and Alfie went to before seeing the octopus, I wanted the ground to open up till he beamed“its like a Star trek Greyjoy crossover!” you can guess how happy I was he liked it.At the Autograph table Gemma (Yara) revealed she’s actually a Wessie like me. When I told her she was the best actress in all of Gentleman Jack for even attempting the accent and giving her character believability she said “yes..well.. I grew up in Headingley.” to which If I hadn’t already been falling a part I would have gone to pieces, as was I think I croaked my way through “what.. seriously. Someone cool.. from my area?” or something along those lines.Facing her on-screen brother was possibly the most Fan-squee moment I can ever remember having, and that include quiet a few awesome meets in my conlife. We cued, and I suddenly found my breath was short, his PA miming asked me if I’d had a drink I nodded, he then mimed I was breathless because of Alfie and not him and that he’d fight Alfie which got me laughing, I faced Alfie, took as much concentration I could muster, telling him I’d been there since ep 1, loved the Greyjoys through everything, it was amazing, he is so sweet and so shy, more so than when we’d met him a few years ago backstage for that brief moment, thinking on it it did explain a lot, also why he had his dog Ata with him and had randomly walked past us before taking him for a walk, but standing there in front of him its..indescribable.

Also at LFCC were Zachary Quinto ( Kelvin Timeline Spock) who seemed very taken by Alfie's dog Ata, he wouldn’t do LLAP in photoshoots, at first I thought that was because of the way I approached him, I was unable to keep my breath and looked like I’d been crying, but apparently he just doesn’t do it. Lends itself to the old rumour that for the movies he had to glue his fingers to get it right doesn’t it? He was sweet, I can’t really say much else because I didn’t get the time thanks to ‘things’ to spend time talking with him.

The reason for my costume choice was Shazad Latif (by then Commander Ash Tyler, Star Trek Discovery) I’d met him the previous year but had not had the money to get a photograph with him, so that's what I did, he’s a nice lad, and doesn’t mind goofs as I remembered from last year. I saw him again at DST and told him about a scene in a recent show he did where he didn’t realise someone had accidentally mimicked his accent.

*Starfury Highlanders 4 - 2019-08-09 to 2019-08-11 - Hilton, Birmingham:

Met David Berry and finally met the Queen of Hearts Maria Doyle Kennedy.Made a fool of myself. Got told I ask to many questions and saw Sean so drunk he left hie wallet/card on top and cigars on the bar in public.Also this was the convention that determined a new personal rule. I am not doing 3 day cons for any less than 3 interesting guests. Shadowhunters cast being the exception to the rule only if its someone I’ve not met before.I try to keep to the same rule with Day cons but sometimes there's just someone who makes that impossible (Tom Burke back at a Newcastle comic con a few years ago being my go to example)

* Pandemonium con2:

3rd Shadowhunters con I’d attended.I know I shocked Matt (Alec), Luke (johnathan) and Kat (Clary) as the Owl.I’m told Dom (Jace) was shocked to and said the mask was better than the one he’d worn which we all know is just him being kind to broke overweight untalented fan.Luke is a gent, think I wierded him out asking for him to go full Johnathan in the photo, but he seemed to forgive me when I told him me and my friends Carla and Michelle had dreamcast him as Spike in the Buffy revival (and Jade as Willow obv)Chai (Jordan) is always madness, all the time. And didn’t mind getting scolded for spoilering one of his own charectars deaths to a fan (me) who’d only agreed to watch the show because of him and Lola (Seelie Queen) being in it. He took it with good humour and began discussing spoilering and its limits. He was wierded out by me A.L.I.E photoshoot idea, when most people want hugs and high fives and stuff.

my season 2 Seelie didn’t get the reaction from Jade (Meliorn) my s1 did in Milan the previous year, but I think by then he knew I was mad enough to try it, and it wasnt a direct attempt at him (not for lack of trying)He loved the Buffy notebook set and Hufflepuff hat I got him, was even wearing it at closing, though I didn’t get pics as my camera died. Wasnt surprised apparently, that I’m Hufflepuff too. Which most would have taken as a barb but just kept me grinning.I gave him Tomato crisps but he has yet to tell me the answer to the question he asked had asked me when I first found them over here “are they the real thing?”I also brought a little dragon to meet its name sake, I did considering giving him it but I think I overloaded him, he was a flattered by the likeness though, also by the smell? Guessed it was a boy angel knows how because I don’t.

I met Nicola Damude (Maryse) in Milan, but because of stuff and thangs I didn’t get to talk to her for long, so when she got announced it was heaven for me,I gave her a jar of Pontefract cakes from the Castle (still not sure why) and she asked if she could give them to her dad who loves black Liquorice, I was pleased as anything, and she asked me where Pontefract was and I for some reason said“famous for Liquorice, racing and hot pokers.” to which Ally explained and got nick laughing.Ally cosplayed Maryse which had Nic smiling like a chesire cat and her picture where Allys brought out Biromantic heart flag will go into her wall of pride flags which she puts in her window during pride week at home in Canada even when shes away working.

*Destination Star Trek 2019:

I met up with Villiana and Sarah at DST, still surprised Sarah was a Trekkie, but it made the con more interesting, intop obviously of my 5 reasons for attending despite cash flow Shazad Latif (Commander Ash Tyler), Wilson Cruz and Anthony Rapp (Dr Hugh Culber and Lieutenant Paul Stamets), Alan Van Sprang (Commander Leland/Control) and Ethan Peck (Liuetenant Spock)

When I met Wilson Cruz I gave him the picture I’d got last year to sign and told him it was for my friend who was a nurse and couldn’t attend, he said “theirs always next year” adding quickly “if we’re asked.” to which I grinned, I explained how she was a Cardiac nurse and couldn’t rearrange shifts when they (he and Anthony) got announced, how she’d binged both seasons and they were her faves. He was proud to be playing a doctor liked by a nurse.

First photo was with Ethan, I was nervous as hells. Despite the fact it seemed only I remembered the significance of Alice in Wonderland to Spock I went through with my idea, he leant over my shoulder looking interested, I was so happy even after I realised the book was facing to far right for the cover to be readable. Ethan asked about the pic when I went to his table to get his autograph and I said it was awesome,turns out I was so annoyed at myself for the way I held the book, I’d not noticed he was giving the book the Spock eyebrow till I scanned it.I asked him if he’d do me a favour when he went back on the set of Penny Dreadful and told him about Live Dom and Prosper to which he laughed and said he’d only seen Dominic the day before.

While I was cuing for Ethans auto there was a girl behind me talking about asking Shazad who was sat next to him to sign her s31 badge she’d just bought, I’ve had mine since they came out and com badges before that so I turned round and told her it would be impossible to keep in tact, she said it wouldn’t matter just because she’d been up to him to get it signed, and I looked where she’d positioned it and tried to keep myself from saying anything else, someone gave her a pen they thought would last better, a group gathered trying to talk her ionto it, and while they were talking Shazads cue wass empty so I wandered over, got my friend Michelle is auto and talked about Departure where he didn’t know for a few moments in one scene a Canadian playing a Brit hadn’t been able to help mimicking his London accent, he found it funny and couldn’t believe I noticed, I shrugged and said “two of my fave actors in one scene, I notice these things.” I told him where to look and he wrote it down. I then asked if there was any plans to try and get Ash into the section 31 show even as a hologram and he said there was a discussion going on which got me grinning, I turned round and the girls thought I’d told but I shook my head, I wanted none of it. But when I got back in Ethans line she stepped out of and went to ask him, he didn’t look very bothered about where she had it, he just liked the idea.

From day 1 There was no question I was walking out as Section 31 again, but this time, instead of being the only black badge I was one of a sea, I was however the only one to give Alan Van Sprang a 3d print copy of the ship, his ship, the NCIA-93 which he loved, said I’d out done myself (after the rune com I gave him last year) and took another Selfie I’ll never see lol

my friend Ashley took photos of the whole encounter, from Alan thinking I’d given him a box of bubble wrap to the shock on his face, he said getting the ship was 2nd in awesome only to stepping onto the set of the ship itself.We got talking, I asked him about something Nicola had said at pancon, that when he’d had his first and only scene with her he’d called her Marsee instead of Maryse and he said its true and that she’d told him she’d told the story at a con the previous month, I said it was only last week, to which Ash from over my shoulder said that I am and I quote “the number one fan in the UK and universally known in the con community as the biggest fan and a lot of people only knew of Shadowhunters because of me,” apparently that's a consensus as I found out later, and as much as I don’t think its strictly true I was honoured never the less,he wasn’t took keen on my writing, apparently Lisa looked like Lisa am or something? don’t ask.So we were chatting and suddenly I noticed this head bobbing up and down behind him, Wilson Cruz had left his place and was using a chair to do raised push ups because he was bored.I realised that I’d stood chatting to Alan longer than was strictly polite for other fans so I bowed out, Saw him again for photos, where he and Shazad made me very happy

I do feel a bit of dope, I brought my asexual flag for my photo with Wilson and Anthony, but when Anthony asked me what the colours meant my brain went blank, I have to agree to tweet him a link. At least with him and Wilson I know they check twitter lol.

When I went up to get Anthony's auto on the Culmets photo for Ally I told him the same as I’d told Wilson how about Ally binging the show and loving them, how I’d pretty much known who’d she’d go for as faves, how she's a combo of the two and how..well what I said was “Paul rocks.” to which he grinned and said “of course he does.” LOL

* Miracle Day Returns (5) 2019-11-15 to 2019-11-17 - -Ren, London: Seeing the old crowd was perfect for the last Starfury of the year (Destiny never counts)hearing from Gareth on the future potential for music, getting ribbed by Kai, and of course watching the two of them taking the piss out of John is always a riot.Seeing Kai and Eve handing Sean a peition for a 5th Miracle Day was awesome, and we know it will happen.. somewhere down the line

*Wales Comic Con Telford Takeover December: I am not standing on Aidan’s foot in the picture!That I have to be clear on, I am getting fking sick of people joking that I am. He is still laughing from a previous person in the booth and her kid., I would have gone back and asked about reshoots but door were closed and I figured Aidan had left as he was on a schedule.

Colton loved his Pokeball even if I did get them mixed up and have to get him and Adam to swap.Told me Roy end up with his arm back “sort of.” and there's no plans for him to be in the spin off but “its the future, you never know.”

Dean O’Gorman (Bragi, Almighty Johnson's) loved the fact I’d brought the cover of young Herc to be signed, and told me that it was the Pilot which explained why Ian didn’t continue as young Herc (scheduling)

Tyler confirmed he is the Superman in the spin off. I knew it was but just hearing him say it :DTyler and Colton both recognised us, it was awesome!

While I am Ify on the new location due to travel funds and things, generally the convention was awesome as always. ____________________________________________________________________________________________

Stuff

TVWith the end of Shadowhunters I have seriously been lacking new shows.I’ve tried different things and nothings stuck.Star Trek Discovery aired at the same time as Shadowhunters and was over nearly at the same time.The In-Between was interesting but isn’t getting a season 2,The Expanse s4 only started last week,Shadowhunters, TVD, Teen Wolf, Grimm, Torchwood, Xena, Bad Girls The Tribe, True Blood, Andromeda, American Horror Story, Merlin, B5, Stargate, its a short list but a special oneso I’ve started rewatches : my go to’s (see above list^) till something sneaks up.

MusicPretty much the same deal.J4de released some awesome songs, but that’s 4 songs, the EP is out ‘later’.but no new band has really grabbed me.

Upside? In November we learned that My Chem have reformed, just gotta wait and see if they record or tour outside the US. _______________________________________________________

Important

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” - C.S. Lewis

As always I have to have to mark those people who have made this year bareable,the good thing is this year there is no need for a piece on those who've also made it unbearable.

you know who you are, and if you don't.. assume i'm talking of you, because likely hood is I am.

"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." - J. R. R. Tolkien

And that is.. or was it. Goodbye 2019

[joneswilliam72]

Meet actress and '80s icon Diane Franklin of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Amityville II, and her newest The Amityville Murders.

I caught up with the one and only Diane Franklin for an in-depth chat on the '80s (naturally!), acting, energy, curly hair and 1980s teen filmmaking (a trend that she was the vanguard of with films like The Last American Virgin and Better Off Dead…), Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (and its third installment), great film, and her latest, The Amityville Murders, which tells the story of the very real DeFeo Murders that did much to spawn (or at least reinforce) the Amityville legends.

Diane is a veteran of the Amityville franchise, having starred in Amityville II: The Possession where she played daughter Patricia Montelli – a loosely-based on a true story character. In The Amityville Murders, however, she plays one of the real victims, Louise DeFeo, in a tour de force performance that adds tremendous humanity to this very dark story. The Amityville Murders as a film does this too, while giving us a truly disturbing look into the underbelly and dysfunction of what – for most outside accounts – seemed like a normal New York family.  

Diane Franklin as Karen in 1982's THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN

Diane Franklin as Patricia Montelli in 1982's AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION.

Diane Franklin as Monique Junet in 1985's BETTER OFF DEAD...

(L-R) Diane Franklin as Princess Joanna and Kimberly Kates as Princess Elizabeth in 1989's BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE.

On the night of November 13, 1974 in Amityville, NY on Long Island. Ronald Joseph DeFeo Jr., also called "Butch", (played by John Robinson in the movie), aged 23, grabbed his father's .35 caliber hunting rifle and went room to room in his family's huge, rambling Dutch colonial house, shooting his mother Louise, father Ron DeFeo, Sr., and his 4 siblings as they lay, sleeping in their beds.

One of the oddest parts of the grisly discovery at 112 Ocean Avenue was that only 2 DeFeos stirred as Butch went room to room firing a rifle with a report louder than a jet engine – not even a single neighbor heard the shots. All of the DeFeos were found on their stomachs in bed. There was also zero evidence of drugs in the victims' systems.

The DeFeo Murders happened two years before the Lutz family would move in and have the experiences that shaped the original 1979 Amityville Horror. As for Butch, he is still in jail (serving 6 concurrent sentences of 25 years to life), after having told a number of stories about the murders – including saying it was actually the mob who killed his family and (at a different time) that voices compelled him to kill. To hear more on the true crime details, check out the Real Monsters podcast here. I will be on it Thursday February 14 for our episode on this bizarre crime.

Enjoy the interview below and catch The Amityville Murders in theaters, On Digital, and On Demand February 8. Stay tuned for our interview with writer and director Daniel Farrands too.

The rambling Dutch colonial at 112 Ocean Avenue after it became a crime scene. Source:historyvshollywood.com

The DeFeo children. Source:historyvshollywood.com

Hello, Diane. Welcome to The 405!

Hi, Wess. How are you?

To be honest, I've been better. I'm fighting a bit of a fever at home today, but I'll live.

Oh my goodness. Well, I will make this the best part of your day, okay?

I have no doubt of that. [Laughs]

[Laughs] We won't let it to go waste.

To start things off, I was just curious, did you ever see yourself going back to Amityville? Let alone in this way? That is from a fictionalized story (in the second Amityville movie) to The Amityville Murders?

Never. No. Not at all. I couldn't imagine.

First of all, I was in Amityville II. I thought, at the time, who is going to ever watch part two? That was the first part, who watches part two? Because in the '80s, nobody really watched part two. Everyone would watch the original, right?

Interesting.

You would go, "Why would you spend your money to see part two when you could see part one?" Who could ever imagine that the internet was a topic, and that we would be watching whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

So, that's the first thing. And then, the second thing was, if anything, I thought, "Oh, well, maybe there'll be a remake of Better Off Dead. Or, maybe Last American Virgin. Or, Bill and Ted," which they are going to do, which is kind of amazing. Which I may be in.

Oh, wow. That'll be fun to see.

But, never Amityville. And when the director said he would like me to play Louise DeFeo, I burst into tears because this was such a respectable, wonderful story. I mean, the woman ... This is based on a true story. The ability to play someone who was real was always a dream of mine and it couldn't have come at a better time.

If he had offered it to me years ago, I would've probably said no because I was raising my kids. I wanted to raise my own kids, I didn't want somebody else ... I didn't want to be traveling and acting, I wanted to be there for them.

So, the timing of this was unbelievable, that my children are old enough and I have the time to do the film. It was a dream come true, it really was.

Diane Franklin as Louise DeFeo in the “THE AMITYVILLE MURDERS” a horror film by Skyline Entertainment. Photo courtesy of Skyline Entertainment.

Absolutely. It’s really kind of a microcosm of family breakdown in the larger society, I think. What were the challenges like with Louise DeFeo part versus Patricia Montelli in Amityville 2?

Okay, so the challenges playing Louise DeFeo ... First of all, there was very limited information. I didn't realize that when I played Patricia Montelli – which is based on Dawn DeFeo – because I didn't research it at the time when I was younger because I wanted to keep myself really innocent and I didn't want to scare myself playing the role. I wanted to keep myself very open and vulnerable.

But, in this case, I really tried to do more research because I'm playing a real person, plus I'm playing the mother, and the mother in the story knows what's happening. All mothers know what's going on. I really wanted to get more information, but there wasn't a lot. Which is, really, kind of interesting.

From an internet perspective, we always look at the world and we think, "Oh, we can get any information whenever we wanted." But, back in the '80s, or '70s, especially, people were ... I remember growing up, cause I'm from Long Island, a couple of towns away from Amityville…

Oh, wow.

People would be like, "Don't take that picture. I don't want ... "Others would be like, "Please." They wouldn't to look good, but it was like, "No, don't even put me in that photo." There was no plastic surgery. There was nothing else. People who were older were more like, "Let the kids have the pictures." They were just more ... There was more ... It was considered vain to take a lot of photos. "Don't look at yourself in the mirror." It was a different trend than it is today, certainly, with all the selfies.

Wow. I was just thinking about that. The details of that crime, too, are just ... I still find it difficult to wrap my head around how nobody heard that rifle that night in the DeFeo house.

Yeah, absolutely. That's a rifle. We're talking about using a gun. We're not talking about the fact that ... I don't know if silencers were happening back then, really, that nobody moved, and that nobody ... That, and then, it took a while for the guy, the son, to go from room to room.

Neighbors would've heard the shots, then they would have heard it stop, then they would have heard another. I think it's kind of interesting even that the neighbors didn't call anyone or ... I don't know, the whole thing is very odd.

It really is. A rifle with a similar caliber to the .35 caliber Butch DeFeo used that night, has a report that comes in at 156 decibels. Which (for perspective) is 16 decibels louder than a jet engine taking off. It's also about 36 decibels above the threshold where most people feel pain from a loud noise.

I believe that ... We don't think about it often – we don't think of haunted houses as something that is practical, or real, but I believe that people feel energy differently, and some people can feel it stronger than others.

I agree with that Diane.

Butch DeFeo, who is in jail right now and he is serving his sentence, he has had many different stories. I have to say, I don't know what the truth is, but the ability to go from room to room and do that, something possessed him. Something possessed him.

No doubt.

I'm not saying ... even if he was on drugs or some kind of under the influence, something got into him. I've got to believe that when you're in a house, and you feel it, it's real and you've got to get away from that energy. The Lutz family who moved into that house ... If you feel that energy, you can't stay around it, you feel it. Through your senses.

I have to say that my experience doing this film, because I read all this and I was more the mother and vulnerable, it was actually much scarier to do it as an adult than it was as a child.

Wow.

When I went home, I honestly couldn't ... I found myself sleeping on my stomach. Could not do it. From this day, I cannot sleep on my stomach any more. It brings me horrible feelings. Terrible dreams. So, yeah, it affected me this time.

Wow. Yeah, I imagine. With every victim found that way after Butch murdered them.

By the way, I have to tell you, Amityville, the first one, I got a shock of gray hair after that film.

Oh, really?

It's amazing. I was absolutely affected by doing the horror film.

That's incredible. I would never have thought to get into that.

Yeah, as an actor, you know. You get affected when you do these films. There's a residue, there's a bad energy. You need to be careful. You have to be careful.

I have very positive energy, so that's good, but you… have to be careful.

You certainly do have a very positive energy. That answers a question I had too, which was what's it like to get into the head space of Louise DeFeo?

Yeah, just for the audience's information, Amityville II is basically ... half the story takes place in the house, and the second half is an exorcism story.

The first half of that story, which takes place in the house, there's family abuse. It's really real. The parents, who were Rutanya Alda, who was wonderful in the film. I love her as a person, and Burt Young, who played my dad in the film. Very strong energy. I played Patricia Montelli, and there's incest in the films.

So it's a lot. It's very raw and it's very scary…

Diane Franklin as Patricia Montelli in AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION.

Diane Franklin as Louise DeFeo in the “THE AMITYVILLE MURDERS” a horror film by Skyline Entertainment. Photo courtesy of Skyline Entertainment.

It really is. I watched it last night and was very impressed with it. Of course, I've always liked the original too.

In this film, Amityville Murders, it's much more real. You stay in the house, but everything is more real. Though there is not as much ... Younger generation might say, "Oh my gosh, I've seen better special effects." There's nothing really scare happening, eyeballs popping or a snake coming out of an ear, or something crazy. That's because this is based on a real story, and honestly, if you look at the real story, it is creepier. It's scarier. Real facts, to me, are scarier. Shadows are scarier. To me, that is closer to what could really be happening.

I completely agree. The best horror is grounded more in reality than fantasy like Amityville II and The Amityville Murders.

And, as far as Daniel Farrands knows, director, writer who studied and did the documentary on Amityville, this is all accurate. So, it's very little in this film that did not really happen. So, I think that just makes it just a creepier feeling, and to understand that I'm actually doing the same story, but there are differences and the differences are based on the reality.

Oh, absolutely, and I actually talked to him yesterday. So, that'll be-

Oh, wonderful.

Yeah, that was a good interview, as well…

He's wonderful.

He really is. I didn't know he was a producer on The Haunting in Connecticut, too. He has a specialty in based on a true story work.

This is his first writing tour de force. I was so honored that he thought of me, even the production company style. It's also our first work together, and I was so excited to be part of their ... this big jump in entertainment. Really, I was very proud of him, very happy that I was included.

Oh, he definitely made the right decision, casting you like he did. All the casting really couldn't have been better.

(R-L foreground) Diane Franklin as Princess Joanna and Kimberly Kates as Princess Elizabeth in 1989's BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE.

You mentioned it a bit earlier, and I did have a question about it. Bill & Ted at 30 years. I was just wondering if you had any reflections about that.

Oh, yes. Well, I was Princess Joanna, and also a little picnic for those who don't know, I played one of the medieval princesses and originally I was cast as Princess Elizabeth, but someone got the credits wrong…

Oh wow. [Laughs] I did not know that.

…so I became Princess Joanna. And then, in the sequel Bogus Journey, they had a woman play my role, and yet, Azcuy, I forgot how to pronounce her last name, but Azcuy, and she was Princess Elizabeth, so they went back to that name.

Ah yes. Annette Azcuy.

Yeah!

Now, they're going to do Bill & Ted III, so the princesses are included. I'm not sure if I'm in it, but please knock on wood, cross your fingers…

Oh, I am right now.

…but they're going to shoot it this year. And, if I am in the film, we'll see what my name is, it might be back to Princess Elizabeth. So, that would be very fun for the fans too, a little tidbit. The old-school fans would be like, "Oh yeah. She used to be princess Joanna. Now, she's Princess Elizabeth," so, that'd be kind of fun. So cross your fingers.

If it's shot, even if I'm not in it, it'll be a great film.

Oh, I'm sure it will be. It'll be a lot of fun to go see. Will absolutely keep our fingers crossed.

It's called Bill & Ted Face the Music, and I also teach acting, and one of the things I found is that so many teachers show Bill & Ted, the original, the Adventure, to their students, and that makes me so proud. Because, it's like, "Oh, look!" like a nice role model for the kids. They always like that, so it's funny. It's very fun.

Very cool.

Diane Franklin as Louise DeFeo in the “THE AMITYVILLE MURDERS” a horror film by Skyline Entertainment. Photo courtesy of Skyline Entertainment.

Switching gears, just a little bit, to a question I ask everybody, what makes a great film?

Very nice. I like that. I'm going to tell you something that I find interesting. There are some films that are great films as we speak. Right? Like, today, a film comes out, and it's very commercial. People connect with it, right now. And, those are actually ... we might say, "Oh, well, maybe those films are commercial, but they do represent what's going on in the moment, right?

Right.

And, I think, those details, well, maybe they're not that important. They might represent what's happening today, currently. They represent who we are as people, and our American culture. And then, that brings nostalgic memories, and if the films we watch who help us grow up. And, I think, those are the ones that become great films later on. Because, you look back and you go, "Wow, that raised me, or it taught me something."

Couldn't agree more Diane. Well said.

As an example, Last American Virgin was a film I did, first film I did, and I would have thought that that film would have, originally, when I got the script, maybe never would have seen the light of day. This was a small film at a time when Officer and a Gentleman was out, and this film, I thought, would disappear. But, because it came out, and so many people saw it. It was the beginning of films where teenagers were the lead, teenagers had a voice, and teenagers were acting as adults. It raised a generation. There are people who watch that film and learn from it, and they never forgot it. And, it is still around today.

Definitely. That's a one of a kind power of great cinema, I think.

Actually, also it's a microcosm of the ‘80s. ‘80's subject matter, ‘80s ... the abortion and drugs, and drinking, and there's nudity, and there's so many things in that film that ... and the sex. It's just very timely and it also ... the music and the costumes. It was the first film where my curly hair started the perm. My curly hair that's still short curly hair, opened up doors for Julia Roberts and actresses who had not curled their hair before, like a perm. Starting with Flashdance … It just opened up a whole world.

So, I have books about it, if you look up Diane Franklin books, my second book is "Diane Franklin: The Excellent Curls of the Last American, French-Exchange Babe of the 80s". We're talking about things emerging in culture, so when I see a great film, I have to say that, I think it evolves and changes. What we see as a great film, at the time, maybe evolved, and something else becomes a great film. Because, does it last, and how does it affect us in the world and in the big picture?

Absolutely. Fantastic questions to ask and look for.

To let the audience know as well: I'm going to be doing a convention at the end of May, Retro Weekend, and if anyone's interested they could come… I have pictures I sign, and if anyone has a CD or whatever they want to be signed, they should come to Retro Weekend at the end of May, last weekend of May. It's in Ohio though. I don't know if that's too far, but just letting you know.

Oh, definitely. That'll be a lot of fun. In Cleveland, I see.

Yeah.

Last question I had was just, what's next for you, if you had anything that we haven't covered yet?

Very exciting. Okay, so first of all, just letting everyone know, I did a small cameo in a film called Wally Got Wasted. It is on Amazon Prime, and if you're interested…

Absolutely will check that out.

I have a funny, very funny cameo in that film, so you can get that through the Amazon Prime app, only. I guess it's just one of those things.

Next, I also have a film I did called, The Final Interview, for a director named Fred Vogel. It is an art film. It is going to film festivals across the county this year. So, if you hear of it, go see it and I have a thriller, very exciting thriller. Very wonderful. It takes place in the ‘80s, and I play a lead woman and news director. Grainger Hines plays my husband in this exciting film. I'm sorry… Grainger, yeah.

Diane Franklin as Patricia Montelli in 1982's AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION.

That one actually caught my eye during research. My kind of movie.

And, the third thing that's very exciting for me, is that my daughter is a filmmaker and her name is Olivia DeLaurentis, and she's coming out of ... she's actually written a film. It's been picked up. She's twenty-two years old. This is, perhaps, the youngest film director that has…

Very cool.

She does dark comedies. It's probably the youngest film director to be picked up. She's written it. She's directing it. She's acting in it, and I will be in it, and we're shooting it this year. And, it's called This Gets Ruff.

So, if you look up Olivia DeLaurentis, and you look up This Gets Ruff, you also might see her, she's under Barely Legal Comedy. Put "comedy" in there, because I'm not responsible, if you don't put that in.

[Laughs] won't forget that "comedy" part.

[Laughs] She is a comedian, but a beautiful, funny, and she's the next one coming up. She's amazing.

And, the princess from Bill & Ted, the other girls who I worked with Kimberly Kates, she's producing the film. She's actually a producer now.

Cool.

So, she saw Olivia's work in Barely Legal Comedy, and she said, "You are brilliant," and she said something about, if she has a script, she wants to auction it. And, the minute Olivia got out of UCLA, she picked it up. And so, I am very excited to act with my own daughter this year.

That's great! Will be sure to catch that too.

So, here I am. It's all hitting, and I am beyond excited.

Follow Diane on Twitter here.

Trailer BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE (1989).

Trailer BETTER OFF DEAD... (1985).

Trailer AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION (1982).

Trailer THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN (1982).

from The 405 http://bit.ly/2MSkcSD

[torontohypnotherapist]

JANUARY 13 — GEORGE GURDJIEFF QUOTES

JANUARY 13 — GEORGE GURDJIEFF QUOTES

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. GURDJIEFF

“Thursday, January 13 (the old Russian New Year): At lunch, Gurdjieff says, "We bad enough Christmas. Christmas child's play. Today is real Christmas, my birthday." Calling me close to him, he says, "Tonight I baby." He drops his hands and head, his expression one of helplessness. In a special tone he says, "Let your children come here twelve o'clock midnight."

"I speak to each child individually, "Tonight is Mr. Gurdjieff's birthday. Do you wish to sleep sweetly as always, or be awakened in the middle of the night and go with us to him?" Each one chooses enthusiastically to be wakened. In the early evening Walter and I go to the reading, return home at eleven-thirty. All children wake easily and dress warmly.

"As we arrive at Mr. Gurdjieffs apartment, the first of many unusual toasts is just being proposed. Gurdjieff says, 'After fifty years of superhuman effort, let us drink to the one who gave most help, and will give most help for the coming actualization of all my labors—the great Beelzebub."

"It is so crowded, we can hardly move. After the meal Gurdjieff gestures slightly to a five-year-old girl. She jumps up and stands close to him. He offers her a seat by his side. When she is settled, he says to her, "Will be queen, my helper, of some country. Not Germany."

"She looks pleased at the word "helper." Mr. Gurdjieff looks deeply and strongly into her eyes. She feels the weight of his look and blinks while nodding.

"Earlier he had tested whether my children knew the German song, "Blödsinn, blödsinn, du mein Vergnügen. Stumpfsinn, Stumpfsinn, du meine Lust." [Idiocy, idiocy, you are my pleasure. Stupidity, stupidity, you are my delight.] He tells them, "Must learn it. This important data. My children will rule world."

"Then, just arrived by airplane from Germany, enters Kathryn Hulme, "Crocodile." This name was given to her eight or nine years ago on account of her thick and many layered "skins." She steps forward. "Mr. Gurdjieff, may I tell the children a story in honor of your birthday? "

"She tells long-windedly and sentimentally of a "poor girl, no parents, four years old," who came onto the airplane in Amsterdam, held her papers in one hand, money in the other, flew so high—eighteen thousand feet—to meet her new mother in New York. Crocodile repeats the story several times, each time in a voice choked with emotion, each time with more and more tears. "Poor girl, no parents, four years old."

"It is impossible to stop her. "Poor girl, no parents, four years old." Her tears run freely. Mr. Gurdjieff hands her a handkerchief. Someone else gives her a second one. finally even a big tablecloth is handed to her. All roar with laughter. The children are especially happy about this theater.

"Mr. Gurdjieff then gives a most important teaching to children. "To this story, children, and most stories, must behave outwardly polite, thank even, say "thanks, so-and-so"— but inwardly, not be touched, forget quickly. Now you saw Crocodile tears. Ask mere, pere, people you trust, what crocodile tears are. Very important to know. Crocodile tears, in one or two years you will understand."

"When the handkerchiefs do not stop Crocodile, Mr. Gurdjieff orders strong coffee, with much milk and sugar, to be brought to her. When she talks yet again of "poor girl, no parents, four years old," Mr. Gurdjieff says, "If again say same thing, we all pay Crocodile money which she has to pay back later doubled." Finally he scolds her for giving such stuff and nonsense to "my children."

"More music. One of my daughters, listening especially well, is struggling with tears, Mr. Gurdjieff, pointing to her, says, "Mathematically exact."

"All leave at three o'clock in the morning.”

~ Louise Goepfert March "The Gurdjieff Years" ...

CONSCIOUS FURY

“When I reached the doorway of Gurdjieff's room with my tray of coffee and brandy, I hesitated, appalled at the violent sounds of furious screaming — Gurdjieff's voice — from within. I knocked and, receiving no reply, entered. Gurdjieff was standing by his bed in a state of what seemed to me to be completely uncontrolled fury. He was raging at Orage, who stood impassively, and very pale, framed in one of the windows. I had to walk between them to sat the tray on the table. I did so, feeling flayed by the fury of Gurdjieff's voice, and then retreated, attempting to make myself invisible. When I reached the door, I could not resist looking at both of them: Orage, a tall man, seemed withered and crumpled as he sagged in the window, and Gurdjieff, actually not very tall, looked immense - a complete embodiment of rage. Although the raging was in English I was unable to listen to the words—the flow of anger was too enormous. Suddenly, in the space of an instant, Gurdjieff's voice stopped, his whole personality changed, he gave me a broad smile— looking incredibly peaceful and inwardly quiet—motioned me to leave, and then resumed his tirade with undiminished force. This happened so quickly that I do not believe that Mr. Orage even noticed the break in the rhythm.”

~ Fritz Peters “Boyhood With Gurdjieff” ...

PUSH ( + ) AND PULL ( – )

“Everything is the result of three forces; everywhere there is affirmation and negation, cathode and anode. Man, earth, everything is like a magnet. The difference is only in the quantity of emanations. Everywhere two forces are at work, one attracting, another repelling. As I said, man is also a magnet.

"The right hand pushes, the left hand pulls, or vice versa. Some things have many emanations, some less, but everything attracts or repels. Always there is push and pull, or pull and push. When you have your push and pull well-balanced with another, then you have love and right adjustment. Therefore results may be very different. If I push and he pulls correspondingly, or if the same thing is done not correspondingly, the result is different. Sometimes both he and I repulse. If there is a certain correspondence, the resulting influence is calming. If not, it is the reverse.

"One thing depends on another. For instance, I cannot be calm; I push and he pulls. Or I cannot be calm if I cannot alter the situation. But we can attempt some adjustment. There is a law that after a push there is a pause. We can use this pause if we can prolong it and not rush forward to the next push. If we can be quiet, then we can take advantage of the vibrations which follow a push.

"Everyone can stop for there is a law that everything moves only so long as momentum lasts. Then it stops. Either he or I can stop it. Everything happens in this way. A shock to the brain, and vibrations start. Vibrations go on by momentum, similar to rings on the surface of water if a stone is thrown in.

"If the impact is strong, a long time elapses before the movement subsides. The same happens with vibrations in the brain. If I don't continue to give shocks, they stop, quiet down. One should learn to stop them.

"If I act consciously, the interaction will be conscious. If I act unconsciously, everything will be the result of what I am sending out.

"I affirm something; then he begins to deny it. I say this is black; he knows it is black but is inclined to argue and begins to assert that it is white. If I deliberately agree with him, he will turn around and affirm what he denied before. He cannot agree because every shock provokes in him the opposite. If he grows tired he may agree externally, but not internally. For example, I see you, I like your face. This new shock, stronger than the conversation, makes me agree externally. Sometimes you already believe but you continue to argue.

"It is very interesting to observe other people's conversation, if one is oneself out of it. It is much more interesting than the cinema. Sometimes two people speak of the same thing: one affirms something, another does not understand, but argues, although he is of the same opinion.

"Everything is mechanical.”

~ George Gurdjieff "Views from the Real World"

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