#it was just really visceral and it made me sad :(

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Walking Practice

weird scifi horror novella

follows an alien who crash-landed on earth years ago, and spends their days hooking up with people to then eat them & gain enough strength to make it through the day

explores existing outside of the binary norm and being seen as other, deep loneliness, and desire for connection

meandering narration, interesting formatting, illustrations

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[lilac-melody]

Not to be mean but can people not send me asks, asking if they can "liph//yo beam" me?

[yesterdayiwrote]

George’s tweet is STILL full of those ‘fans’ in the QTs sending him abuse? Like Jesus fucking Christ what do you want from the guy at this point?

[mortalspork]

Need to rant about a flatmate. Will do it in the tags.

[tgcg]

candid detail. my biggest project so far

hey happy new year

CG: DAVE?

TG: yeah?

CG: SOMETHING’S KIND OF FUCKING ME UP RIGHT NOW AND I NEED TO TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY ABOUT IT IN CANDID DETAIL.

TG: oh shit

===

TG: yeah whats up

TG: not too often i get to be the sole audience to karkats grievances

CG: PFF, BULLSHIT. YOU'RE PRIVY TO WAY MORE ABOUT MY GRIEVANCES THAN BASICALLY ANY OF MY SURVIVING AND PRESENT FRIENDS, BY A SIGNIFICANT MARGIN, AND YOU KNOW IT.

TG: yeah and im boutta add another im like broses up on that hill bundled up in a long ass list of things that make the homies upset

TG: lay it on me

===

CG: OKAY. SO.

…

CG: I’M KIND OF THINKING ABOUT JUST. US AND OUR BRO-DOM.

===

TG: oh

CG: LET ME FINISH.

CG: ALL THIS TIME I’VE BEEN FUCKING FORCED TO SPEND IN THE DREAM BUBBLES MADE ME REALISE SOMETHING, AND THAT’S THAT…

===

CG: THIS IS KIND OF RARE, RIGHT?

TG: what

TG: us

CG: YEAH! LIKE… THERE’S SO MANY THANKFULLY DEAD KARKATS I’VE HAD THE INSURMOUNTABLE GODDAMN DISPLEASURE OF FAILING TO AVOID THAT DON’T LIKE YOU, BARELY MET YOU, OR EVEN JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.

===

CG: IT’S THE RARE AMBIVALENCE THAT REALLY GETS TO ME. I ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND A TIMELINE’S KARKAT FIRMLY DECIDING THAT THEY HATE YOUR ASS. NON-ROMANTICALLY I MEAN. THAT HAS BEEN ME, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. BUT THERE WAS NEVER, EVER!!! A POINT WHERE I JUST FELT NOTHING ABOUT YOU AT ALL.

CG: EVEN WHEN I INITIALLY HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF SEEING YOUR DOUCHEBAG SPECTACLES YOU GOT FROM YOUR BRO ON THE SCREEN, I AT LEAST HAD A STARTER DISH OF SKEWERED CONTEMPT TO WHET MY APPETITE. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO IMAGINE NOT FEELING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER ABOUT YOU.

===

CG: ONE TIME I MENTIONED YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A THREE-WAY ARGUMENT AND ONE OF THE OTHER KARKATS SAID "WHO?"

CG: "WHO?"!!!!

TG: now thats fucked up

CG: IT IS! AND THAT'S WHAT MADE ME FIRST REALISE THAT NOT EVERY KARKAT IS GETTING TO HANG OUT WITH EVERY DAVE, AND VICE VERSA. AND THIS IS GOING TO SOUND LAME AS SHIT IN A WAY THAT I’LL NEVER EVER LIVE DOWN, BUT. I FEEL BAD FOR THEM ABOUT IT! YOU KNOW?

===

TG: well you always feel bad about around and towards other yous so thats

TG: wait

TG: is or is not the nature of this moment of self-pity fuelled by malice anger disgust or any similar terms slash phrases

CG: I MEAN, FOR ONCE? DON’T GET ME WRONG, THE MALICE ANGER DISGUST ET CETERA IS STILL THOROUGHLY PERMEATING THE WHOLE ORDEAL. THE DAY I LOSE CONTEMPT FOR MY ALTERNATE SELVES IS THE DAY I GET TAKEN OUT BACK AND PUT DOWN LIKE THE LAME HOOFBEAST I’VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF BEING. BUT…

CG: I ACTUALLY JUST FEEL SAD FOR THEM, STRAIGHT UP. INDEPENDENT FROM TERMS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED.

===

TG: damn

CG: AND THAT FEELS INCREDIBLY WEIRD TOO. I CAN’T EVEN ARGUE WITH THEM ABOUT IT, IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL THIS SHITTY, SHOCKINGLY QUIET… GRIEF? ALMOST? FOR THEM. GENERAL NON-TROLLIAN FEELINGS. AND EXCEPTIONALLY NON-STANDARD IN A KARKAT-TO-KARKAT CONVERSATION, AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED.

CG: BUT I KNOW IF I TOLD ANY OTHER EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED REFLECTION OF MY OWN FECULENT INNER FILTH TO TALK TO YOU, OR EVEN JUST LOOK AT YOU ONE TIME, THEY’D ONLY SEE IT AS ANOTHER PERSONAL AFFRONT. LIKE I JUST TOLD THEM "HEY, SHIT ALL OVER YOUR FROND AND SNIFF IT, IT’LL BE AMAZING JUST TRUST ME, ABSOLUTELY ZERO REASON NOT TO."

===

TG: you come up with the most potent mental images man youre the wordmeister of viscerally gross as hell vocab

CG: THANK YOU.

===

CG: AND LIKE… SHIT, I DEFINITELY WOULD’VE FELT THAT WAY BEFORE I GOT TO KNOW YOU! I UNDERSTAND THE INNER MACHINATIONS OF THOSE IMBECILIC NOOKSTAINS BETTER THAN ANYONE EVER COULD, DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS.

CG: KARKATS UNIVERSALLY DECIDING THAT THEY JUST CANNOT LIKE YOU ON PRINCIPLE IS A CRISIS OF SHIT HAPPENSTANCES. THE HAPPENINGS ARE ALL OUT OF WACK, COSMICALLY.

CG: LIKE EVERY ME WRITHED OUR WAY OUT OF THE BROODING CAVERNS AND THE FIRST CONSTELLATION WE SAW PEELING THROUGH THE EXOSPHERE, TWINKLING IN THE REFLECTION OF OUR HUGE RED GANDERBULBS, WAS A PAIR OF SHADES GETTING COVERED IN GASOLINE, FOLLOWED BY A CONSTELLATION OF A LIT MATCH.

CG: A SIMPLE EQUATION WITH A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION.

CG: A SYSTEMIC EPIDEMIC, IF YOU’LL PARDON MY BULLSHIT.

===

TG: it is a goddamn catastrophe sweeping the karkat population

TG: presidents on the headlines trying to get karkats everywhere to stop quarantining their asses and have a real heart to heart among themselves about the issue but they keep isolating anyways

CG: I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL A PRESIDENT IS. YOU’VE FAILED TO DESCRIBE IT AS ANYTHING MORE THAN A POORLY-SELECTED "DUDE CONDESCE" WHO DOES NOTHING PRODUCTIVE AND THEN EITHER DIES OR RUINS EVERYTHING, OR SOME CHAOTIC COMBINATION OF THE TWO.

TG: well that is exactly what it is but wait good point

===

TG: tragedy strikes as the karkat population reveals it doesnt generally know what a president even is so it means jack shit to them that this dude is trying to get their attention

TG: and mr president he is getting voted the fuck out of office over this blunder just an embarrassing display

TG: the public trust has plummeted off the fucking chart and cratered the damn ground like a meteor

TG: or he could be the tenth to die in office yknow there was a pretty big stretch of no in-office deaths til 2009 so maybe some catchup would be good for everyone

CG: ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER PRESIDENT, AND THEN KILL HIM?

TG: not me personally i just wanna be there and see it also is that dream bubble fucking huge or what

TG: must be the size of

===

TG: jupiter

===

TG: look all im saying is the end of the world coincided pretty notably with a dry spell in the presidential kill:death ratio

TG: i was tragically too busy not dying to see obama die live on television when an errant meteor hit the white house that was my one chance

CG: PFFFT.

TG: i want to keep a comically aloof finger on the pulse of the shit but i do not want to be among the shit

TG: but anyways guess its my turn on the pedestal

CG: BE MY FUCKING GUEST.

===

TG: yknow uh im not gonna lie if present me went back to me age thirteen sippin my dubious aj in my pre-apocalyptic layer of hell that was texas and told me

TG: hey that gray text dude is probably gonna be your best friend if you give him a shot yall could be sweet bros in real life itll be awesome

TG: i mean disregarding the fact i already doomed that guy because i dont remember that happening to me

TG: id probably be casting some wicked aspersions on that shit

===

TG: our whole friendship feels like a plot twist to my damn life story

CG: I HEAR YOU.

TG: its like our narratives bumped into each other hard on the street and decided yknow what yeah this pavement is pretty cosy lets talk about your dad

TG: but

===

TG: dont get your think pans too wrapped up in that different timeline stuff

CG: IT’S THINK PAN. SINGULAR. NOBODY HAS MORE THAN ONE THINK PAN, EVER. IT IS A SINGULAR ORGAN. IF YOU WOULD LET ME READ A TROLL BIOLOGY BOOK TO YOU ONE TIME WE’D STOP BUMPING INTO THIS ISSUE.

TG: gotcha and no

CG: OBVIOUSLY.

TG: but anyways dude look

===

TG: i am literally a time dude and i can tell you right now with all the sage wisdome of my knightitudes

TG: not a good way of looking at it

TG: ive met daves that didnt like you either it doesnt affect jack or shit because those daves arent me

TG: like they are in a way but

TG: me and all those other guys spent the whole game honing down these doomed timelines to a fine point and that point has obviously involved a whole lot of hanging out with you

CG: …

===

TG: so

TG: maybe they just missed the point while you and me were on the breaking edge of that shit

TG: we got to the bottom line of it so it doesnt matter yknow

CG: HUH.

===

TG: and i mean plus

===

TG: ive seen a handful of alternate daves and karkats who get along uh great apparently so

TG: yknow

===

CG: WHAT?

TG: you know what i fucking mean im not saying it

CG: ROLLING YOUR SHOULDERS AND SAYING "yknow" GENERALLY DOESN’T CONVEY FUCKING ANYTHING MEANINGFUL IN A CONVERSATION, DAVE.

CG: I’M NOT A PSYCHIC. YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN. IN CANDID DETAIL.

TG: its besides the point anyways

===

TG: the point is its you right here that matters overall and you right here is chilling with me so thats gotta mean at least one or two things

CG: OKAY, OKAY, YEAH… I GET WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I REALLY DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.

CG: YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND BY NOW HOW IT’D BE REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR ME TO WRAP MY THINK PAN AROUND THE CONCEPT OF ME BEING THE RIGHT VERSION OF ANYTHING.

CG: BUT I FEEL LIKE THE AMOUNT OF TIME WE'VE SPENT TOGETHER CUMULATIVELY IN THIS TIMELINE MAKES UP FOR THE AMOUNT OF DAVES AND KARKATS WHO NEVER SPENT ANY AT ALL, BY AT LEAST TENFOLD.

===

TG: heh yeah

HAHAH.

===

CG: GOD. WHO WOULD’VE GUESSED THAT KARKAT VANTAS WOULD GET TOO FAR INTO HIS OWN THINK PAN ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT, RIGHT?

TG: stop repeating the words think and pan i get it already

CG: ARE YOU SURE? TOTALLY SURE? ABSOLUTELY ASSFUCK CERTAIN OF YOURSELF?

TG: yes dude

CG: ALRIGHT. KEEP IN MIND THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST LATER.

TG: im acing that shit i swear to god youre gonna eat your damn foot

CG: STRUT POD

TG: when i pass that shit to oblivion

TG: youre gonna regret doubting me

CG: OKAY, DAVE. THEN EXPLAIN TO ME WITH ALL YOUR SAGE WISDOME: WHAT IS A "LUMPSQUIRT"? AND REALLY, TAKE YOUR TIME THINKING ABOUT THIS. GOD KNOWS WE'VE GOT MOMENTS A-FUCKING-PLENTY TO SPARE.

TG: as the literal god of time in your local area i sure as hell do

CG: GO ON THEN.

===

TG: …

TG: pass

CG: EXACTLY.

CG: ANYWAYS, I’M STILL GOING TO GO AROUND FEELING ANOTHER LAYER OF PITY FOR THOSE GRAY BULGEMUNCHERS THAT DON’T GET TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. NOT THAT ANYTHING ANY KARKAT COULD FUCKING DO WOULD EVER MAKE THEM DESERVING OF IT, BUT THAT’S ANOTHER CAN OF DIRT NOODLES ENTIRELY.

TG: yeah i feel bad for anyone who isnt buddy-buddy with the david stri too

CG: OF COURSE YOU DO. I’M GLAD WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE HERE.

===

TG: but also

TG: any dave who missed out on a slice of the realest homes in paradox space is a tragedy in my eyes

CG: Y--

TG: let me finish

TG: i just dont let it get to me so much cus… first of all ive been having to not let time shit get to me this whole damn game but also

TG: i know i have you here and thats whats important

TG: ok not "have" just

TG: how the fuck do i phrase that

TG: i know whatever is happening with other "us"es whatever shits goin down

TG: i can wake up and watch movies with you or hell i can even hang with you in there if i bump into you and thats what matters to me in this bro-dom thats what i wanna do

TG: and thats some real shit i just said feel free to co-sign it

CG: …

===

TG: karkat i meant it

CG: … THANKS.

TG: no problem

[dontlookatmytmntcollection]

(I didn’t find any info if your askbox is closed or not, if you are not taking up requests you can ignore this!)

But hi :) how are you? how you are doing well

this is a bit personal, but would you mind doing either a Headcanon or scenario with reader x turtles (romantic/crush stage) with a…Hopeless reader? Kinda someone who had to tell themselves that love isn’t on their life journey and that seriously bother them? Lol

this weekend I’m gonna attend a friends wedding, while meeting with some shared friends before the wedding, one of them quoted corpse bride’s scene “to Emily, always the bridesmaid, never the bride” for me (most of my friends are married or dating long term), usually I handle the lack of a love life fairly well (by not thinking about it or just making jokes about it lol) but tonight it kinda really bothered me, a lot.) a lot of my friends treat me being single as something I don’t out efforts in it? But holy shit I do, and it really hurts to see them saying or acting like I’m not doing enough? Anyways. I guess the request would be how the turtles would react to a reader who kinda just lost hope, who agrees with the quote even if it makes her very sad? Kinda trying to wing the night lowkey but turtles can sense it hurt her (maybe Vern said the quote lol, or something similar… that’s something stupid enough for the falcon to do 😅)

I hope makes sense, if not I apologize for the messy ask. Have a good day / night

I'm sorry that happened. Your friends definitely need to stfu about that lol dating and relationships are fun, but nobody NEEDS them. If they need a RELATIONSHIP to feel fulfilled, they have shit to figure out.

Definitely been there tho. And being single can be horrible. I see you

Scene: Your turtle has been secretly pining for you for a while now. Hasn't got the guts to say anything yet.

TMNT x Lonely Reader

Leo

- He could sense your reaction instantly, despite how well you hid it.

- Your micro expressions, the slight but sudden shift of your bodyweight away from Vern- Leo almost didn't catch that you had smiled and laughed at the comment.

- His own reaction was visceral and overwhelming, at least it was to him.

-He remained still by your side, but the urge to...he didn't even know. Hide you. Push hard at Verns shoulder- something.

-Geez. He hadn't felt like this since he was a child. Like he could protect his little brothers or you from judgment or cruelty.

-He couldn't.

-He sucked in a breath through his nose, scrambling for self-control; watching you handle the interaction like an adult. Forcing himself to as well.

-But it did satisfy him to see that Vern physically felt his animosity. The guy took once glance at Leo before he instantly stuttered an excuse to walk to another conversation.

-"Vern is an idiot." Leo scratched out, desperate to keep what he really wanted to say to you at a minimum. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

-You seemed surprised at that, glancing up at him. But your quite, sincere smile made it it worth it.

Raph

- "Always the brides maid, never the bride, huh?"

- "What?" It was a reactive response. Before you could even register what he had said, or the sudden amount of hurt- or embarrassment you felt.

- Raph had turned wide, expectant eyes on Vern as well, something Vern noticed instantly.

- "Well, yunno." Vern stutteres, trying to stay focused on you. "I've seen ya at these events a lot but you never bring a guy around...or-"

-"See that girl over there?" Raph suddenly said, leaning down a little to point your gaze in the right direction.

- "Yeah." You said quietly.

-"Who's that girl, Vern?"

-Vern looked back at you guys, shrugging and putting his hands back in his pockets with an air of pride. "She's my girlfriend."

-Raph smirked, his voice somehow both condescending and unusually soft. "Vern met her a week ago. That makes her..." Raph trailed off, looming back into his full height, towering over Vern. "The sixth one this year, right. Makin' you real good at givin' advice to pretty girls, Falcon boy. Careful with that."

-"Jesus. I'm just- I'll be over there." Vern sighed, awkwardly stepping aside then walking out of sight.

- Raph said nothing, instead turning to you. "You alright?"

-You were desperate not to say everything you wanted to. "Much better." You said instead, looking up at him. Hoping the softness you saw there was a reflection of what you felt for him too.

Donnie

- Donnie couldn't even react or register the words before you were handling it. Shrugging and waving Vern off.

-He was horrified. His eyes were glued to Vern, completely confused that the guy had missed how rude of a statement that was.

-The conversation came and went, and while he had a wonderful time, he was entirety focused on you.

-While you didn't seem MISERABLE, you were different. Something had obviously changed. And it was Verns fault.

-You had no reason to feel pressure of that kind. You were perfect the way you were! No one should ever, ever, ever make you feel anything less.

-The thought that you did made him physically sick to his stomach.

-He might not have caught it in time to say anything in the moment.

-But Verns apartment locks, car, computer, and bathroom pipes all giving him a hard time all in the next 24 hours?

-A complete and utter mystery...

Mikey

-"Yeah you should listen to him." Mikey said.

-Shock coursed through you. "What?" You looked at him, wide eyed, heart in your throat- "W- I should-"

-"You should listen to him." Mikey repeated, noding solumley, starting to confidently strole around Vern. "This guy has fantastic dating advise. You don't even know, girl. Look at him!" Mikey's smile was as bright as the sun, gesturing to Vern as if he was a plater he was showing off to you.

-"He's been on this earth so long, his life experience exceeds our very comprehension, girl."

-Vern made a sudden puzzled expression while yours melted quickly into a smile.

-"He's got recipes too. Qualifications, evidence, the whole nine yards. Guy has like- twelve grand kids-"

-"I- C'mon, Mike-" Vern was catching on.

-"Ohhh.. yeah, that's right. No grandkids. But he does have a wife. They just had their fiftieth anniversary-!"

-"I'm not that o- He's joking with you." Vern tried to explain. "I'm not married."

-Mikey snapped his fingers as he had remembered something, suddenly getting much, MUCH closer in Verns personal space.

-"Oh yeah, that's right. You're not married. I forget that your on, like, your sixth girlfriend this month. Maybe actual advise sounds like..."

-Mikey stepped away from Vern, standing infront of you. "Keep those standards up, girl. Pretty face like yours? You could have anyone you want."

-You couldn't stop smiling.

[dekusleftsock]

Me personally, I’m a very big fan of how Horikoshi handled his themes around forgiveness. I love that he really hammers in that forgiveness is a choice that someone can or cannot make, and that neither of those decisions are necessarily “wrong” or “harmful���, that they’re just that. Choices.

And I realized just how much I enjoyed how he handles this because of these leaks. Like him choosing to never forgive Shigaraki for what he’s done, yet wanting to end the suffering as much as possible I feel really speaks to an experience I could never put into words. It’s so viscerally human to be angry, happy, sad; it’s human to forgive, it’s human to not. It’s human to empathize with someone you fundamentally feel shouldn’t be empathized for, and yet it is the single most prominent structure of ancient human societies. We live to empathize, it’s why we have a dog in our house, or we help heal a stranger back to health; and I don’t necessarily think is what “makes us human” bc I feel that excludes people who don’t (because they do exist and nothing is wrong with them for not doing so), but I think it does speak to a very common feeling. It’s normal to want revenge, or to be angry, or to not forgive, but it’s also perfectly normal to want to end the suffering from its source.

That’s also a prominent feature of the Todoroki family, and it’s also what made me so angry about the interpretations surrounding it. There’s nothing wrong with Fuyumi or Natsuo to respond differently to their shared father’s abuse, they’re normal and expected ways to handle one’s inner turmoil. There is healing in forgiving someone, that’s a perfectly truthful idea. But what’s also a way to heal is to simply not let someone matter in your life, you can simultaneously be angry for what they’ve done…and be perfectly fulfilled/healed.

Horikoshi isn’t telling you to forgive bad people, he’s telling you that there’s a reason behind every bad action, that empathy and shared humanity is the single most integral part to a healthy society.

And I love this EVEN MORE because Midoriya Izuku: Rising isn’t even about Izuku, it’s about how everyone else has brought him here, now. That we are one people, one society—Izuku may be the driving horse but he stands as a symbol of our shared humanity in this moment.

I wish I could find the officials rn but I’m gonna have to interpret this given what it is.

Ochako’s choice to “not wipe your slate clean” almost feels less like a “I can’t forgive you” and more like a “society won’t forgive you” statement.

Where Izuku’s or Natsuo’s choice to not forgive someone who has hurt them was a personal decision, this was more of a decision to empathize with Himiko, maybe even forgive her. I can’t help but notice that this was much more of a confession/declaration of affection for someone who has done bad things, than it was about forgiveness and mistakes.

It almost feels more like the bkdk apology if I’m honest. Both of which never have a “I won’t ever forgive you for this” statement, more like they avoid it in its entirety. Same with Rei and Endeavors conversations.

Because it is the victims choice to forgive or not forgive someone. They have as much a right to do so as anyone else.

I guess that’s why I always hated the whole “Izuku shouldn’t forgive Katsuki” take, it’s a very literal commentary on the very thing Horikoshi has written is wrong. It’s wrong to try to tell someone how they should or shouldn’t have reacted to something, you are taking away their integrity. To a certain extent you are infantilizing their ability to make choices for themself.

So it’s for this reason that my love for this series shoots to the sky at this “I won’t forgive you” moment. It’s like Izukus guilt has been lifted, that he has allowed himself to be angry or bitter at someone for wronging him or someone he loves. The mask has fallen, this is it; Izuku and Tenko, and he is being honest of his feelings.

That’s what I love most—the honesty, the anger, the relief, the love, and that these are his choices. No one can take that away from him. Not you, not I, not us.

[creatively-cosmic]

i wanted to draw something different today soooo. i went n scrounged up a buncha pokepastas that ive read/pokepasta ocs ive seen around recently (mostly via mutuals)! ill tag creators and link sources under the cut, and ramble a little abt my thoughts... ^^

if anyone wants me to untag or remove their stuff from this btw let me know i didnt ask i kinda just. started doodling.

also half of yall i either never followed or only Just did i need 2 remedy that. ive been observing yalls stuff from a distance i keep forgetting to Press the Fucking Button is all

Your Friend Silver (Elias) by @uuberwachen ! this was such an INSANELYYY well written story and it stuck with me for DAYS. it really slots in the space in my mind that holds the classics and the twists and stuff with it genuinely got me. i cant recommend it enough if anyone who sees it hasnt read it yet. i got so excited when i saw a dedicated ask blog went up. i wish i werent scared of sending in questions to those things

Pixel Blue: 3DS VIRTUAL CONSOLE (2016) by @calybunz ! ahhh this was such a cool one to read! id see updates on it incidentally n i can tell a lot of work went into it- it was definitely worth it! its well written with a lot of heart.. maybe im just a sucker for stories that focus on a sympathetic blue.. the ending made me so SAD dude what the fuck. though my favorite parts were probably the dream sequences- godd the imagery of it all was fantastic!

Nuzlight (Mia) at @nuzlight-mia ! this is one i dont know much about yet, but her personality and design really captivated me when i first saw her! she seems like such a sweetheart and i look forward to getting to see more of her :3 i feel so bad for her situation.. the story n concept are all so interesting!

Missing Numbers (Green) at @themissingnumbers ... is our thing but green is hells (@hells1nfern0 ) dude that i have no sway in so. whatever. im unwell about him im excited for more to be revealed abt him :] i cant really say more than that since i know his secrets

FIRE RED FREE DOWNLOAD (Infected/Abandoned RED) by @aibouart ... another one i saw the design of first and was just IMMEDIATELY struck by. i love when stories twist in-universe things that're generally treated as normal and mundane and use its horror potential! a parasect parasite outbreak where the protagonist gets infected by that and ends up full of mushrooms...? thats the kinda shit i love to see >:)

Jack by @sparklingdemon ! cool ass design ive been wanting to draw and a cool concept to go with- the creepyblack protagonist as a grinning-reaper type where the ghost is an extension of him rules. i also loveee when designs utilize the fossil missingno stuff!! kabutops's arms lend themselves REALLY well to being a scythe

Glitchy Red: Retold by @lycankeyy / @glitchyred (idk which blog youd rather have tagged sorry). so i saw this when the official ao3 repost went up or got mentioned or something and it. really. resonated with me. like its hard to put my thoughts into coherent words, other than i had to just. Lay Down for the rest of the night after reading it and just feel whatever emotions struck me. it cut really deep but honestly- that's just fantastic. it's not often that i read something that makes me feel as viscerally as this rewrite did, and i have nothing but adoration for it because of that (we do have the plural bias which doesnt help regarding this lol). in my mind this is the definitive version of glitchy red.

Sanctuary AU (Aster) by @possiblyfunny . ANYWAYS ON A LIGHTER NOTE i fucking love aster more than i can put into words. given we get tagged in almost every piece of him that goes up its always such a delight to see and learn more about him! id been planning to draw him for months at this point but only just got around to it haha -v-" i look forward to seeing more abt the sanctuary au! please continue to tag me in those posts idc if it includes my guys or not i just care so much abt it

[sigmathesillyenigma]

asher x reader , david x reader highschool sweethearts headcanons :3

afab reader

david shaw who comes to "pick you up" from every class, even if it was on the way to another one. no matter how fast you try to be, he's always faster, never failing to take his place leaned up against your locker, arms crossed as he watches you get held behind and scolded by your teacher. was it so hard to just turn your damn work? apparently for you, it was.

"alright, let's go. if you keep getting held behind after your classes i'm gonna start being late to mine. at least try to stay in school, dumbass."

asher talbot who before he started dating you, kept next to nothing in his bag. all he needed was his phone, a banana from two months ago, and a couple books from that day's classes. when you two got together, his bag was suddenly full of all your things. period stuff, painkillers, chapstick, jewellry, shorts for p.e because you keep forgetting to put them in your bag, basically everything. asher didn't mind it one bit. it made him feel important, like by carrying your stuff it made up for his all dickheadery during your classes together (it did not).

"hmm?- do i still have your gum? noo, nope, all gone. yes, i'm telling the truth- okay fine. yes, you have ONE piece of gum left butit'sthestrawberryflavorandyouknowthatsmyfavoriteandagoodpartnerwouldletmehaveitbecauseyoureagoodpartnerandyoulovemeandandand- thank you babe :3"

david shaw who after an argument with you, wakes you up at 11pm to soft knocking at your window. he has a key to your front door, but he wasn't planning on staying long anyway. you force yourself out of bed to let him in, but don't dare to look at him as he pulls himself up into your room. for a while, you two just stand there, letting the night pass before he breaks the silence.

"uh.. about before. i uhm .. didn't meant to say that. it'd just been a long day i guess and i kind of. blew up on you. i'm sorry. really, i am. i hate seeing you get sad and .. shit. uh- i'll go. it's late, and you probably- hm? you.. want me to stay? uhh, yeah, yeah sure. i can do that. let's .. go sit."

asher talbot who lets you do his makeup. he doesn't have that visceral shame a lot of people your age seem to share, which is both a blessing and a curse. tonight though, as you jab little rhinestones onto his pink eyelid with the precison of a preschooler, it's definitely a blessing.

"oh babe, look. at. me. i am stunning- what? what are you doing? taking a- no, nononononononoo babe. please. milo will never let me live this down. if you send that to him i swear to god he'll rock up to school tomorrow with my face on a shirt. babe? where are you going? BAABE!!"

-

@definetelynuwonhere @skunkox @huxleaf

[transgenderer]

I feel like the California weed made me like fully grasp on an intuitive level that ancient history really happened. Like. Caesar was a guy who had a particular life experience. And I guess just in general made me more aware of how real all these billions of other lives lived as humans are. And how different they are. And how sad. It's hard to handle! It's much easier if it can mostly be numbers and stories and then a little bubble (or maybe the shape is more like a nerve cell. Or thermoelectricbreakdown) of visceral reality around me

[thenightisland]

in various conversations with my doctor about the insane life changing effect adhd meds have had on me one of the things he said was that it's not uncommon for people who have dysthymia/pervasive depressive disorder to have undiagnosed adhd at the root of the problem. and i think we forget that like. major depressive disorder is supposed to be something that eventually stops. it's episodic. like even people with depression very often are not in a state where it's just like. every day is a misery virtually nonstop for 15+ years. but with dysthymia/pdd it very much so is. which you can have pdd and mdd both at the same time too which is evil but anyway. it is wild enough conceptualizing that there is in fact a difference between the two things bc i very much so got depressed around age ten and just. never stopped. and when you live like that for the bulk of your life you just sort of get used to it? like it sucks but you just assume a degree of that is normal. so even on several antidepressants i never once aimed for "not depressed" i was always aiming for "mildly less miserable" i had just accepted that i would always be a degree of miserable and that my default was going to be feeling bad and if i was very lucky there might be a few days where i felt a little less bad now and then. the goal was "bearable misery" which is nuts to type out like wow! bleak!

anyway something i noticed when they started me on the adhd meds was that all the Racket in my head just. stopped. for weeks i just said to people "it's so quiet in there" because i didn't have dozens of loud competing fast thoughts all the time. and it took a while to pin down why this effect made me less depressed and worked better than literally any antidepressant had. and it's bc it /stopped thoughts/ and when i was depressed the Thoughts did not stop and they were not pleasant ones so i'd get stuck in these awful mental doom spirals and nothing i did would make it stop. and then this medicine made it stop. and it turns out it's much easier to not be sad when your brain doesn't have the Sad Channel turned up to high volume and is forcing you to deal with it clockwork-orange style. bc historically it was like oh god do we really have to do this again do we have to listen to the you will always be alone and unloved and nothing you do will ever be enough and your life will never be fulfilling in any way spiral again?? do we really have to i'm so tired. but now that channel is muted. a lot of channels have been muted. no amount of cbt/dbt techniques or various other therapy tactics had ever managed to mute those channels before.

and it's just insane it's like the thing about how stunned people with chronic pain are to learn that the normal amount of pain for someone to experience on an average day is none. it's just that but emotionally. bc even with the challenges i still have for autism reasons, most days now i'm fine. the emotional pain is zero on an average day. i now understand what people mean when they say "i'm having a bad day" bc there's a difference. but you see. all my days used to be bad. all of them. even the "good" days involved a degree of visceral emotional suffering and dread. and you don't realize how pervasive the bad is until the bad is the exception and not just an ordinary day.

i do not sit around consumed by the same thought patterns and doom spirals and mental quicksand now i'm just going about my day like an ordinary person and it's amazing how much less life /hurts/ and that's the only way i can think to put it is that every day used to hurt and it doesn't hurt now. past-me was incapable of conceptualizing a life where my baseline wasn't "profoundly and painfully sad and aching at all times" i was 100% prepared to just live like that forever!!!! and now if i have a bad day that's all it is an outlier i thought people in movies were just doing a bit when they had a "bad day" and the solution was just have a big piece of cake and cry a little and go to bed early and you'll feel better tomorrow bc i never felt better tomorrow! now i just feel better tomorrow if i have a bad day! most days the emotional pain scale is a 0/10.

like this is so long already but those of you who have been around for a long time you know how nuts this is for me. and i'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason even bad things and for a few years i've been like huh wonder what the reason is for the whole getting beaten in the head thing though. well. it exacerbated the working memory issues. and it got on my goddamn nerves. so i asked to try this medicine so i could remember to get my soup out of the microwave. and then it fixed all the problems that have plagued me since i was a small child. and now i'm able to conceptualize a day to day life that isn't just Hurting all the time when i once thought i would never do anything but hurt.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Summer 2024 Anime Overview: DEAD DEAD DEMONS DEDEDEDE DESTRUCTION

A giant mothership is hovering over Tokyo. The aliens haven’t done anything or even made themselves known yet, but Japan and America are already trying to blow that UFO up, and show off who has the best weapons, causing many civilian casualties along the way. While all this happens, two girls are just casually living their lives. But are they as normal as they appear?

One thing I want to say is if you watch this anime and care about being intensely spoiled, do not watch "episode 0" until you've finished episode 16. It actually slots chronologically between episode 16 and 17, and that's where the episode took place in the manga, so I have no idea why they did that. Fortunately I had someone to warn me about that, so I will be that someone for you.

Dead Dead Demons DeDeDeDe Destruction or De x 8 as I will be calling it, can be really tough show to watch—not because it’s bad, it’s very good, but because of how depressing and visceral it is at times, and how devastatingly accurate it is to the shitshow of our world. This tends to be balanced a bit by the touching friendships (and possibly? More?) of the very likeable cast of teenagers…but you also feel a huge sense of dread about their safety as things ramp up and their stories deepen.

The anime goes hard on criticizing the military industrial complex, Japan’s government, America’s government, xenophobia, treatment of immigrants, rich people, and conspiracy theorists. All things I also hate, so that’s great. What hurts is how you could easily see the events happening—waging war on the aliens despite no provocation, people using an app to to hunt down and slaughter them...

It shows how even some of the protestors of the genocide use their movement to cover their own selfish motivations, meanwhile countries taking the situation as an opportunity to vie for power and dominance, rich government officials lie to their people and abandon them…obviously there's a lot of commentary here on how we dehumanize immigrants and minorities and enable genocides for capitalism and political power.

It's very bleak, and there were a lot of episode that had me just feeling sad, especially comparing it to current events. But there's also this interesting focus on normal people trying to live their lives during this alien "invasion", and the kids who still go through the dramas and upsets of everyday life. And especially the “I’d burn down the world for you” intense emotional relationship between Kadode and Ouran, the two teen girl leads.

Ouran is the main lead, and she’s a chuuni beyond chuuni, acting wacky and cheerful and spouting nonsense-- except if you pay attention, she's saying some pretty valid things—critiques of capitalism, war, government surveillance—but then following it up with something wild like “and that’s why I should rule the world”. You get the sense she’s cloaking an awareness of how shit the world is in humor, and as the show goes on and as her surprisingly intense and weird backstory unfolds, it becomes clear why that is.

The relationship between Ouran and Kadode is the center of everything--their bond IS the show. It's that kind of ride-or-die, I'd-kill-for-you, I'll-be-by-your-side-even-if-the-whole-world-is-against-you, in-every-life-i'd-find-you-and-love-you, soul-bonded, fiery devotion and love. They are the most important person in each other's lives, full stop. It's those kind of relationships that are so transcendent it goes beyond simple definitions of romantic and platonic. In other words, my kind of shit exactly.

But, as far as romance goes, Ouran, at least, is definitely queer and the depths of her determination to keep Kadode safe in a world that wants to destroy her girl that would make Homura Madoka Magica blush. (Kadode is more ambiguous, but she’s definitely soul bonded with Ouran. And honestly should just date Ouran because god she needs to be rescued).

There’s also a gentle empathy for marginalized people underneath all the horror—the girls befriend an alien trying to survive in the guise of a human, and it doesn’t seem like a coincidence that the first person our alien tells absolutely everything to is the gnc/potentially trans person of the group, Makoto (To be specific, they seem to still be figuring out their identity, but they definitely present feminine and specifically came to Tokyo because their small town wouldn’t be okay with how they like to dress). The way Makoto immediately shields their alien friend from others when they make the reveal that they saying “Don’t let them see, it’s not safe” and how it’s followed up by the alien reassuring Makoto that their friends will be okay with it if they take their wig off to swim...it makes the metaphor extremely clear, and it’s always nice when a series can explore marginalized characters both textually and metaphorically.

Through the kids, we get kernels of hope in this story, a reassurance there are kinder people in this world, and a hope that kindness will endure.

As depressing as the story can be, what it has to say is important and it doesn’t hold back in making you see what it’s going for—from the “Cool Japan” logo flashing right before the  Japanese government gives a weapons demonstration that will later kill citizens and destroy innocents...

...to the Trump-alike American President (and let me tell you it’s startling to be watching a show in Japanese and suddenly Donald Trump impression in perfect English) *(had to use the manga here because Crunchyroll didn't close-caption this part :/)

Then there's the American tourists, who were clearly va’d by someone really good at English, potentially a native speaker, and it’s incredibly funny how much of their dialogue has “fuck” in it and seeing the subtitles skip over that. Also much of their dialogue is treating the devastated Japan as a tourist attraction and saying how funny it all is to them. Logan Paul has entered the chat.

De x 8 very clearly hates America and recognizes it as a blood thirsty colonial power, which is correct, but the show is just as hard on it’s own country, saying the Japanese government would happily get back on the colonizing horse if they had an excuse, and many citizwns would mindlessly support them.

A small thing I appreciate is far from the usual anime aesthetic where everyone is blandly cute, the anime gives a ton of people ridiculously cartoony features that make everyone distinct—and being goofy looking is not meant to indicate a character is stupid or ugly—Makoto’s a super sympathetic character with giant cartoon buck teeth and one character that’s even pointed out as pretty has like, a pig snout nose. (It also makes it so the character noted as being drop dead gorgeous...actually is, instead of coming off as just as conventionally attractive as the rest)

Soooo a lot of good stuff going into this story. Let’s talk about some caveats.

There’s a continuing storyline between Kadode and her adult teacher, who takes her to his place to have sex with her. When he does, she ends up ditching him because of her feels for Ouran (gay) and I thought that would be the end of it, but nooope he’s a groomer, they pick up dating again when she’s in college, literally months after the previous encounter. The dude is presented as a scumbag, he cheats on his girlfriend, he seems generally apathetic, his clear discomfort with Kadode calling him “sensei” shows that he knows what he’s doing is wrong …and ultimately the relationship is shown to be unfulfilling, with Kadode directly stating so and acknowledging he’s just advantage. That doesn’t stop it from being uncomfortable though, especially since it’s confirmed he and Kadode have sex eventually (offscreen, thank god) and honestly, I felt it dragged on way too long. The first encounter pretty much demonstrated everything we needed to know about the whole thing in my view.

And of course there’s a ton of potentially triggering content in a story like this—from genocide to suicide to child murder to almost anything you can think of. Also like, one character has a sister complex, but on the milder side for anime. One where it’s conceivably platonic, and it’s not like he goes after her boyfriend Yuri Forger style, so it doesn’t bother me too much. There's also a good dose of fatphobia. And finally moment where a woman reveals she has ADHD (which I've never actually heard anyone say in anime so I actually got a little excited the more fool me) and then is almost immediately shown to be faking it.

The ending…is another big sticking point for me. It feels disconnected from the rest of the series, mainly focusing on a character we barely know and likely don’t care about and spending very little time with the characters we do, presenting an interesting status quo and immediately abandoning it, and while earlier episodes of the series presented "actions have consequences and we gotta live with them" as a major theme, it was suddenly like, actually they don’t!

The ultimate ending, again, hinges on a decision from a character we don’t care about and honestly feels like a deus ex machina. It felt almost like the author really wanted a happier ending but knew that wasn’t in line with the story he’s told so far, so he just tacked it on. Or maybe it was an editorial mandate, who knows. I think the most satisfying way to see watch episode 1-16 as its own pretty satisfying complete story (which works really well), and then treat episodes 0 and 17 as their own separate thing, a potential additional ending but not the definitive one. At least that’s what I did.

Overall, De x 8 is a show with a lot to say and it gives you plenty to chew on. While it is often depressing, it is very rewarding. The unbreakable bond between two messy girls, as well as the moments of ordinary joy and small human/alien journeys are the core of the show, and what makes it shine. I definitely encourage you to give it a watch. It's being really slept on, and it shouldn't be.

[thevulturesquadron]

The sad truth is that nothing made me alienate myself more from the Rogue/Gambit ship than the romy people and their visceral reaction to work that is not catered to their vision over the characters/ship.

Fandoms always have their share of toxic people but romy shippers have really reached a new level of entitlement. The amount of hate they show to the creators of a series that hasn’t even come out is just disgusting.

[pondhue]

watching rick beat the ever-living-shit of prime like that felt so real. each swing and hit felt visceral and caused me to flinch each time. watching an actual person take out their frustration, rage, turmoil, and grief in such a way stun-locked me.

seeing him lose his resolve felt so personal to where i felt like i was trespassing on something or watching something i shouldn't have been. it really emphasized to me that rick really is just a jaded, sad old man that's been stricken with ghastly amounts of grief and self-hatred for decades. he's pathetic and he knows that!

and to me he didn't look satisfied or content, he looked... gone. dissociated. like just so checked out. he looked so lost and dejected which made it worse. listening to prime's monologue and watching rick fully lose himself and see how fragile his mental state really is was so uncomfortable in such a good way.

[ellana-ravenwood]

Why don’t you visit my dreams anymore ? - Jason Todd x fem!reader

Synopsis : A story about grief, and how to (try to) overcome the pain of losing a loved one. 

Please, do not repost my stories anywhere else, under any other form. Do not translate and then repost them either. Thank you.

My masterlists : @ella-ravenwood-archives​

__________________________________________________

Jason had been your first love. And you were sure he would be your last. It was impossible to replace someone like Jason Todd. 

Never before did you love someone like you loved him. 

And oh, oh he loved you back so beautifully. 

Some would say it was a young and silly love, that you were both still too young to be sure you had found “the one”. After all, it was rare for people to stay forever with their high school sweetheart. 

But you both felt it. You were both adamant that this was it. You’d never find someone else, who could love you as deeply as he did, and vice versa. 

True love, it was. 

And whomever saw you two together, couldn’t doubt that. 

And so what if you were just fifteen ? (Almost sixteen !) It was just so obvious to you two, that you were destined to be together. Your relationship was still young, but you had always been best friends, since as long as you can remember. And things were still very much at the “teenage cutesy love” stage, but it was such a profound love. 

Your love was the kind of love that happens once every century, the kind that is so strong and deep, it inspires great stories that will never be forgotten. 

That’s how it felt to you. 

Forever. 

Only, Jason’s forever was cut short. One night, you received a call from Alfred...

“Master Jason is gone.” From the way the butler’s voice cracked, there was no doubt in your mind what this meant. Never before, did you feel such a visceral pain. 

DENIAL

“No. You’re wrong. It’s not possible ! Why are you lying to me, Alfred ?”

“Lady (Y/N) I-” 

There’s a short pause, and a tiny sliver of hope grows in your heart. Yes. This must be a joke. A sick joke, yes, but maybe this was just that “British humor” so many people spoke of ? 

“Lady (Y/N), I’m sorry. I do not know what to say...” 

Alfred ? Speechless ? No. 

“This is not possible. He can’t be gone. We’re supposed to celebrate his birthday next week. I bought him a gift. How can I give it to him, if he’s gone ? He can’t be. You’re lying.” 

Complete refusal. This wasn’t possible. Your Jason would never leave you. He would never. HE WAS JUST FIFTEEN !! 

“I’m sorry...” You hear again, before slamming your phone against the wall. You didn’t want to hear any of it. Those were blatant lies. You didn’t have time to waste with that. 

Decidedly, you put a coat on, and went to Wayne Manor. 

************

You never even rung the door. 

When you arrived, you felt a certain vibe. Like something was not right. Like something was missing. 

Someone, was missing. 

There was light in the library room. A place you knew for a fact, only Jason used. And once again, you felt hope. Those dark feelings were just your imagination ! You were going to run up to the window, and scare the hell out of him by tapping on it ! Now that, would be an actual funny joke. 

Not like the one Alfred made. 

A smile on your face, you go on your tip-toes, and you peek into the room and-

It’s not Jason. 

It’s his dad. 

He’s sitting in that same armchair Jason always sits in. He holds the blanket Jason always wrapped around himself while reading, and he-

He holds it against his face. And you don’t have to see it to know that the man is crying. 

Bruce Wayne is crying. 

This isn’t a joke. 

Jason is really gone. 

But in dreams 

You cry yourself to sleep, of course. But then-

Then a miracle happens. Because he’s there, right in front of you. And he reaches a hand towards your tears...He touches your face. Wipes the tear away.

“You’re really here.” 

You tell him, and he smiles at you. But it’s a sad smile, one full of guilt and regrets. One that you’re not used to see on his face. 

“I’m sorry (Y/N), but I’m not really here. This is a dream.” 

“Don’t say that.” 

“It’s the truth...I don’t really know how I came here. I just really wanted to see you one last time.”

“Don’t say that, Jason. Please.” 

“You know, if I had become a grown up, I would have married you. I mean it. I don’t think the day would happen, that I would stop loving you.” 

“Why are you telling me this ? You can be such a jerk...”

You turn away, tears once again welling up in your eyes. Your heart is bleeding, and in that dream, you’re not sure whether it’s literally, figuratively, or metaphorically. It’s confusing. But he’s here. He’s here. 

“It’s just- I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back. I have so much I want to tell you. I have so much-”

“Stop it !” 

You throw your arms around him, and squeeze him against yourself. Not about to let go. You don’t want to ever go. He doesn’t finish his sentence, sighs, and squeeze you back. 

“Guess I’ll just have to come back...” 

He says, and then you don’t remember what happens. You just wake up in your bed, and the overwhelming feeling of sadness almost gets the better of you...

ANGER

Why you ? This wasn’t fair. THIS WASN’T FAIR ! Everywhere, you see him. He’s all over the news, and everyone talks about this “tragedy”. 

None of them knew him. None of them. Journalists want to talk to you, as it was known you were his girlfriend...But then, they suddenly disappear, and you’re sure it’s thanks to Bruce. 

Bruce. 

You used to spend a lot of time at the Manor. When you lost Jason, you also ended up losing his dad and Alfred, who had become akin to a family for you too, who never really had one.

That’s how it clicked so fast between you and Jason.

Two children who had to grow up too fast. But you were both lucky. He was adopted by Bruce, and you by the most wonderful parents you could hope for. After all the hardship you went through together, you deserved a happy ending !

So this wasn’t fair. THIS WASN’T FAIR !! 

You were pretty sure you had always loved Jason, even if, when you were children, you never realized it. The feelings weren’t the same, of course, being kids. It’s only recently you admitted to loving each others...Only recently...

Too soon. It was too soon ! You barely had anytime together ! 

You were so damn angry. At everything and everyone. You started to isolate yourself, not talking to your parents, or to any of your friends. 

You lost your appetite, you lost sleep (which was a nightmare, as only during your sleep could you see him again), you lost all will to do anything. 

And you were so angry, all the time. Angry about everything. 

But most of all, you were angry at Bruce Wayne. He didn’t even call you, or come see you !! You thought he cared about you, you thought he-He was Jason’s dad. You were close because of that. And he didn’t even tell you himself. He didn’t even come see you !! 

You could talk about Jason together, or reminisce good times. He could tell you exactly what happened, as the explanation you got were somewhat shady. He could- Why didn’t he want to talk to you ?? 

So angry. So angry it hurts. It hurts...

You couldn’t wait to be asleep, so Jason would visit you again. You knew he would come. He came to you every night. And then, then you could pretend like none of this was real. Like he was alive and well. You talked, kissed sometimes, and just enjoyed each other’s presence...It was such bliss. 

So much better than this waking nightmare, in which you felt so alone. 

************

Bruce couldn’t face you. 

He felt so guilty, and angry at himself. He was the reason Jason died. He was the reason Jason died !! The boy was just fifteen !! HE WAS JUST FIFTEEN !! 

He had such a long life ahead of him. With you at his side. Bruce’s boy always talked to him so much about you...

Ever since he first came in his life. You used to be “his best friend (Y/N)”, the “most wonderful person on earth !”. And then one day, you became his girlfriend, and Bruce saw his kid smile so much. He almost believed-

He almost believed he succeeded. That Jason wouldn’t be like him, that he would have a better life, that he would be allowed to be happy. 

And then he got killed. Because of him, because he let him be “Robin”.

Fifteen. 

His boy was just fifteen...

BARGAINING 

You could see him in dreams. 

Surely, it meant he wasn’t truly gone, right ? 

“My life for his !” You’d ask-Anyone. Anything. 

God. Gods. Entities. Any higher powers who could help you. 

They could take you, if they brought him back. They could-

But then, he would be in your place. He would be the one suffering. And you couldn’t bear that very thought. You couldn’t- 

“Please. Please just, make my dreams last longer. Or make it so I never wake up again, and I can stay with him forever. Please. I beg of you...” 

DEPRESSION

It lasted a long time. A year or two. 

You just, went by. 

Feeling numb, tired, hopeless, helpless. 

You lost all perspective of a future. Everything was a struggle, and living in a world without Jason felt like torture. 

It was as if you just floated through life. High school graduation came, and you had no memory of it. You weren’t planning on going to college. And those past two years, were spend mostly alone...You hated how people looked at you with pity. You hated it. 

One year. Two years. It had already been two years, since you lost Jason. Time was suppose to heal all wounds, no ? Absolute bullshit. It felt as difficult and hurtful as when you first received that phone call. 

Jason was gone. How could you ever feel happy again ? 

It was only at night, that things felt right again. You’d spend a lot of your time sleeping, because Jason would visit you every single time. He would come in your dreams. 

He said he shouldn’t, that you had to move on. He said he should stay away...But he couldn’t. He didn’t have the heart to never see you again. He couldn’t leave you alone, he said. 

Yet whenever you would wake up, and come back to reality...He wouldn’t be there. 

He would never be there again. 

And then one day, Bruce Wayne knocked on your door. You would learn later, that your parents called him for help, hoping he could bring you some comfort as you both went through the same kind of pain...

************

“Jason would’ve-He would’ve liked for you to have this.”

It were journals. About ten of them.  

Jason’s diaries...You knew he wrote, a lot. You knew. But you never imagined you’d be able to read those. 

Bruce knew, that by giving you those journals, he would reveal his secret identity. But he felt he owed you that much. That you needed the closure. 

You needed to know it was his fault. Bruce, in a way, was trying to punish himself. If you hated him enough, then maybe it would makes things right. Maybe you’d be able to move on. 

He stayed with you, as you read pages and pages of Jason’s neat handwriting. Most pages had a least one paragraph about you. From age 8, and his approximative writing, to age 15, dated on the day of his death...he talked at least once about you, every single day. 

It made you heart so warm. 

Ah. It’s as if you almost forgot, so obnubilated by your dreams. But your Jason was so full of life, and love, and kindness. He was so-

Jason. He was the most incredible man you ever met (although he would never become quite a man). He was-

Tears. But this time, it wasn’t as much tears of sadness, as it was relief. Happiness. Born from countless good memories, and the knowledge that you would never forget him. 

You would love Jason Todd forever. You knew that. He couldn’t fully leave your heart. 

“Thank you.” 

You say, and Bruce is confused. He was so sure you would hate him ! After all, it’s because he was Batman, that his son died ! 

“Thank you for giving him the love every child should have from a parent. And for giving him a home. For taking care of him.” 

He feels his throat squeeze painfully. No. No this wasn’t- How could you look at him with such a gentle smile ? 

Holding Jason’s last journal against your heart, you dried some of your tears before saying : 

“It really sounded like, he was so happy with you. So, thank you. Thank you so much for being there for him. Thank you, Bruce.” 

What is this ? Why are you being so kind to him ? He’s-He’s the reason his boy died ! He doesn’t deserve your thanks. He doesn’t-

He feels the tears welling up in his own eyes, as he stares at you in disbelief.

And you understand. You know how he feels, how he thinks it’s his fault. You know. But you cannot hate him. Because he did, love and care for Jason. And he did, give many great years in a warm home to him. And-

You were certain he couldn’t stop Jason. Your boyfriend was born to help others, you always knew it. He couldn't stop him from becoming Robin. On the contrary, letting him take that mantel fulfilled Jason’s true purpose, you were sure of it.

The fact the man came all this way here, fighting his own grief, just in the hope to make you feel better. To actually save you, and help you move on...It was enough for you. Even now, Bruce still looked out for Jason. 

Because of course, Jason would hate for you to be so sad. He told you himself, in your dreams. He couldn’t bear to see you sad, defeated, heartbroken...He said he would do something for you and-

Ah. Did he send his dad for you ? Did he visit him in a dream, and ask for him to give you his journals ? That was entirely possible. After all, it’s been two years since every single night, your dead boyfriend would invite himself in your dreams. 

And you were sure it was him, and not just a figment of your imagination. Call it a gut feeling. The world had seen weirder things...

Yes. 

Hating Bruce wasn’t the way, you knew it. 

And ah, little did you know that this knowledge lodged in your heart would one day save a certain man wearing a Red Hood... (but that’s, for another story ;))

ACCEPTANCE

“Why don’t you visit my dreams, anymore ? 

Please. Come back. I love you. I miss you.” 

It’s been weeks, and weeks, and weeks. He hasn't come back to your dreams, and it felt like this time- 

He was truly gone. 

“Why don’t you visit my dreams, anymore ?” 

A question you’d ask yourself many times. Was it because you finally started to find some peace ? Because you finally started to heal, in a way ? 

You could never truly heal. You would never forget him. But you felt like...You still had a lot to live for. That he would’ve wanted you to keep goin. After all, he told you himself, in your dreams. 

But he wasn’t coming anymore. Was he trying to finally let you move on ? Was he sacrificing his own wish to see you, so you could move forward with your life ? 

Could be. Or maybe it really were all dreams, and you finally accepting his death unlocked something in your subconscious, that made it think you didn’t need to see him anymore ? 

But you missed him. So much. 

“Why don’t you visit my dreams, anymore ?” 

A question that would remained unanswered...For now. 

A love that transcend death. 

Finals week. 

After Bruce’s visit, you finally slowly came out of your depression. Finally slowly came out to the world again. 

And you applied for Gotham’s college, hoping to get a degree in forensics (maybe feeling a little inspired by a certain “Batman”). You wanted to keep Jason’s legacy on, you would carry the torch for him. 

Jason never got to grow old, never got to do so many things...You felt like i was your duty, to also live for him. 

And so, that’s why you were coming home very late that night, after you spend hours and hours at the library, studying. You had to nail those finals ! 

Maybe that’s why you didn’t notice those less than amenable men walking towards you ? Engrossed in your revision, you only saw them too late. 

But of course. A mugging in Gotham City. How original. 

However, before they could even utter a word to you, a big red mass fall on them. 

You didn’t have any other words to describe what just happened. It really felt like a giant in red just stomped their face. 

Said giant turns to you, and you know you should feel fear, yet-

You recognize that stance. The way those hands lay on his sides. And though you cannot see his face, as he’s wearing a mask, you know the shape of his eyes, as he looks at you. 

You know who this is. It seems impossible, and yet...The world has seen weirder things, right ? 

Explanations would come later. Or never, really. They were not important, right now. 

“Ah...That’s why you disappeared from my dreams.” 

************

In the night, two silhouettes runs towards each other. 

Their hands find each other, their lips too. 

A tight embrace between two beings who had always been destined to be together, so much so that even death couldn’t keep them away from each other forever. 

Because their love, was forever. 

In the night. 

Two silhouettes embracing each other, never letting go again. 

And this time, it wasn’t just a dream. 

__________________________________________________

Here we are. Wrote fast (didn’t re-read myself or I wouldn’t post it..), not very well in a way, but I hope you still liked it. Yes. A short story I felt like writing, as I had a dream about someone I lost long ago, and it felt so nice, to see them in my dream, that...here we are :).

I hope you liked it. Comments and reblogs are always welcomed, as per usual.