#it was fun(...nish) to write though

[hoejosatoru]

Roster Hopper

Pairings: Fem!Reader x College Au Karasuno players (separately, except for Tsuki & Yamaguchi)

Summary: You make a bet with your best friend and co manager that you can sleep through the entire Karasuno roster, without the team finding out. 

Word Count: 8.4k

Warning: reader having sex with entire team lmfao, maybe reader is slightly manipulative at times? I don’t think so but tagging just incase, oral (fem receiving) in multiple different positions, light spanking, p in v sex in different positions, men whimpering lol, oral (male receiving), fingering, thumb in ass, squirting, spit, sorta voyeurism, threesome (Tsuki and Yams) virginity loss (Yams), semi public sex, brief drinking mention MDNI

A/n: Changed my original idea to just y/n trying to go through the roster bc you plus a friend is a lot and trying to write around the team not finding out would be hard SO here we are. Y/f/n = your friends name. I didn’t want to have to think of a random name. If you don’t have someone you can just slot in Kiyoko or something. I also bolded each players name so if you want to skip to a specific dude, hopefully it is easier to find. Enjoy!

“How long have they been at it?” you asked your friend as you were filling up water bottles for the third time this practice. If you weren’t so used to the sound of volleyballs being smacked around, it would probably have driven you crazy by now. It was your second year as Karasuno University’s volleyball team manager and you loved it. Water bottle fill up runs and all.

“Too long,” your friend replied, “I don’t get where they get the energy from. I’m tired just watching them.”

“Same.” You screwed the last bottle shut. “But the first years are really good. I think we have a shot this year.”

“Oh without a doubt,” y/f/n’s nodded. “And if they keep practicing like this they’ll only get better. They’re pretty cute too, not that is going to help them win games.”

You laughed. “I was waiting for your say something.” Your voice dropped a little, so none of the boys could overhear you. Not that they were really paying attention to either of you at the moment. Volleyball is life and all. “We have a really cute team, don’t you think?”

Your friend nodded and whispered back. “For sure. Who do you think is the cutest?” This is why you were glad you convinced your best friend to manage with you. Nothing passed time like gossiping about boys with a friend.

“Hmm,” you considered, “Kageyama is cute. But you know how I like dark haired guys. Nish too. Never thought I would think a short guy was so hot. Don’t tell him I said that.” You didn’t want to offend him, but you had a sneaking suspicion all he would care about was that you called him hot. Him and Tanaka were a bit girl-crazy. They were the only players that shameless flirted with you and your friend. You liked that about them; it was fun.

“No, for real! I think Asahi has to be the cutest though,” you friend replied. 

You nodded. They were all pretty good looking guys, so you couldn’t argue. “But the real question is, who do you think is the best in bed?”

Your friend took a second to think about it before answering. “Daichi.”

“Really?”

Your friend shrugged. “I mean he’s one of the oldest, so he’s probably got experience. Plus he’s the captain.”

You snorted. “What does being captain of a volleyball have to do with being good in bed?”

Your friend huffed in faux annoyance. “Well it makes sense in my head. Who do you think then?”

“Honestly maybe Nishinoya.”

“I think you just have a crush on him.”

“Shut up. But also Sugawara. It’s the quiet ones you gotta look out for, you know?”

Your friend nodded. “Totally. Maybe we gotta hunt down their past hook ups and do a survey.” You both laughed, drawing the attention of Tanaka.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing!” You both answered in unison, before turning your back to the court to laugh more. As ridiculous as the conversation was, it sparked your curiosity. You couldn’t deny that you'd thought about hooking up with some of the players. You watched them run around and get sweaty for hours everyday, what else were you supposed to think about? You’d never actually done it, though, not wanting to ruin any friendships with the guys. They could be a rowdy bunch, but you did love them dearly. 

That, however, didn’t stop you from hatching a crazy idea. “What if we didn’t need other people to find out.”

Your friend’s eye brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I will do all the research,” you replied. She gave you a look that told you she still didn’t understand what you meant. “I sleep with all of them and then we’ll know who the best.”

Y/f/n looked at you like you were crazy. Which, to be fair, maybe you were. “You can’t be serious. All of them?”

“Well not at the same time,” you replied, like a smart ass. Your friend rolled her eyes. 

“Obviously. But that’s still crazy! There’s so many of them.”

“There’s not that many. Just nine of them. Give me the whole school year and I could do it,” you responded. 

“No way you can,” she replied. 

“Wanna bet?” You challenged.

“Absolutely,” your friend replied, “500 bucks says you can’t sleep through the team by the end of the school year.” Damn 500? But a big challenges calls for big stakes. 

“You're on.” You shook hands. “Now let’s figure out the rules.”

After a little discussion you both agreed that besides the obvious of having to get through the 9 players by the last day of school, they couldn’t find out about what was going on. If you were to tell them about the challenge, some of the players might do it just to help you. You had to get them in bed organically. Additionally, you couldn’t request certain sex acts. You both wanted to know how they tried to please women without any bias. If you started telling them what to do, it would mess with the data. Because this is super scientific, obviously.

Y/f/n allowed you one get out of jail free card if someone found out, but it had to be contained to the one person. If the whole team finds out, game over. You didn't need to provide any proof, but you did have to share your ranking with y/f/n at the end, which you were more than happy to. Any other issues that came up, you both agreed to figure out as needed. Simple enough.

“I’m not even going to bother asking you who you think will be the easiest,” your friend said. Both your eyes floated over to Nishinoya and Tanaka, making you both snicker. “But who do you think will be the hardest?”

“Daichi for sure,” you replied, “Doesn’t seem like he’s a hook up guy, but we’ll see. And Tsuki, just cause he can be a jerk.”

Your friend snickered. “He seems like the type who wants spank girls and make them call him daddy.”

You grinned. “I guess we will find out.”

A week later you were at party hosted at the team house. It was the perfect venue to make your first move. Only the upperclassmen could live in the house, but during parties the whole team plus many others were invited. Tonight’s party was particularly crowded, being that it was still early in the year and most people didn’t have much work to do yet. The crowd would make it easier for you to sneak away unnoticed, even with other teammates around.

You set your sights on Nishinoya first. You figured he’d be easy to get in bed, plus maybe you did have a little crush on him. You were super keen on finding out how he was in bed. Maybe it was because of the drink you had, but you were feeling bold. You decided to take a super straight forward, simple approach with Noya.

“Noya, do you want to have sex with me?” you asked when you managed to pull him to a private corner of the party. You almost laughed at how his eyes bugged out of his head.

“Are you serious? Tanaka didn’t, but you up to this as a joke, did he?” he asked.

“I promise he didn't,” you replied. “Just think you’re cute. Do you wanna?”

Nishinoya thought this was better than his birthday and winning nationals combined. “Fuck yes I do. When?”

You giggled at his enthusiasm. It was so endearing. “Right now?”

God he really was a lucky guy, he thought. “Fuck.” He chugged the rest of his beer for good measure. “Yeah let’s fucking do it.” You looked around to make sure no one was watching, before slipping up the stairs to his room. Luckily, his bedroom was on the second floor, which no one really came to. The parties stay in the basement or on the main floor, so you felt safe now that you made it up unnoticed.

The second he closed the door to his room, you pounced on him. You couldn’t help yourself. To be fair, it was very much a mutual pounce. Nishinoya kissed you eagerly, bordering on desperate, but in the best way. You pulled away, both of you breathing heavy.

“Before we do this, do you mind if this stay between us?” You asked, batting your eyes innocently at him. He was putty in your hands at this point; you knew he would agree to anything to get in your pants. “I don’t want it to be weird if the other guys found out.”

“Of course, I won’t tell anybody,” he nodded. You were back to kissing him, very desperately now. You were still standing by his door, pulling clothing off each other. Instead of wasting two steps to get to the bed, Noya just spun your around and bent you over the dresser right there. He was not a patient man and you were not complaining. 

He slid your underwear odd, cursing. “Fuck you don’t know how much I’ve wanted to do this,” he cursed. You giggled, glad your crush had been reciprocated. Before you could get any words out, Noya was on his knees behind you, burying his face in your pussy. You gasped in surprised as he licked up your arousal, his tongue sliding through your puffy lips. 

“Fuck Noya!” you cried as he sucked on your clit. His hands massaged your thighs and ass, keeping you spread for him. He hummed and groaned into your cunt as he ate you out, clearly enjoying it very much. Much like when he kissed you, it was eager and desperate and so fucking good. It didn’t take long before you were cumming all over his tongue.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he gushed, wiping your release off his face. He dug a condom out of the top dresser drawn, grinning eagerly at you.

“And you’re so fucking good at that,” you replied.

“I’m even better at this,” he replied, sinking his cock into you. Your body arched, surprised by the stretch. Noya’s thrusts were rough and frantic, clearly chasing after his high. He gripped your ass tightly, giving it a few smacks, but nothing too hard. You pressed your body back against him, loving that he wasn’t afraid to go for it. Your fingers scratched along the wood of his dresser as you tried desperately to hold on.

It was no use, though. Within minutes you were moaning his name and cumming on his cock. Noya, who was overjoyed he didn’t bust the second his slid in, let himself go the second he felt your velvety walls clench around him.

“Fuck, y/n, so fucking good.” 

You gave Nishinoya a long thank you kiss before getting dressed. You agreed to go down first and then he’d come down a few minutes later so it wouldn’t be obvious you were together. You left his room grinning. And just like that, one was crossed off the list.

A week later you decided to try your luck again. Tanaka mentioned he was going to check out a frat party and you asked for a ride there, which he happily agreed to. As far as you knew no one else on the team was going to this party, so it would be the perfect opportunity to cross him off the list.

The party sucked; it was way too crowded and the music choices were awful. Not to mention, the house was a mess. It made the volleyball house look spotless in comparison. It worked in your favor, though, as Tanaka was more than happy to take you up on your suggestion to chill in his car.

“Dude I thought frat parties were supposed to be the best,” he said, closing the car door behind him.

“Did you see the bathroom? That shit had to be a biohazard,” you replied. 

Tanaka laughed and nodded. “So gross. Sorry I dragged you here.”

“No worries, I wanted to,” you replied. You gave him a faux shy look. “I just wanted to hangout with you, honestly.”

Tanaka perked up. “Really?”

“Really.” And since being so honest worked the first time, you figure why not just go for it again. “Would it be weird if I said I was trying to get in your pants.”

Tanaka blinked at you, certain he didn’t hear you right. “You wanna get in my pants?”

You laughed and nodded. “Yeah, is that a bad thing?”

He shook his head. “No that’s a good thing! A great thing.” 

“So...” your eyes flicked down to his lap. “Can I?”

“Right now?”

“Why not?” you replied. “We are in a dark spot. Your windows are tinted. No one will see.” You leaned in a little further, letting him peek down your shirt. “It will be fun, don’t you think?”

Tanaka did not need any convincing. Fucking his hot manager in his car? He may have dreamed about this exact scenario. Literally. Tanaka pushed back his seat as far as it would go and helped you climb on top. The way he kissed you was so similar to Noya you had to bite back a laugh.

You wasted no time pulling your top off, which Tanaka was very happy about. His face was in your tits before you could even get your shirt fully off. He sucked at the sensitive skin, flicking your nipples with his tongue. His hands gripped your tits roughly, but not unpleasantly. You rocked your hips against his,  letting out a hum of pleasure. Tanaka was already hard underneath you.

“I could die happy right now,” he mumbled against your tits, making you laugh.

“At least fuck me first,” you replied, half joking. But also half serious because you were on a mission. 

Tanaka took that as instruction. “Shit, I got you.” He pulled his cock out of his pants then cursed. “I don’t have a condom.” 

“Don’t worry, I brought one.” You fished it out of your purse and handed it over.

“Damn you really were trying to get in my pants huh?”

You smiled. “Maybe.” 

Tanaka rolled the condom on, then pushed your skirt up and underwear to the side. He let his tip run through the slick before slowly pressing into you. He hissed a little, feeling your pussy suck him in. Once he was all the way in, you pressed your hands against his chested and rolled your hips. 

“Fuck, just like that,” Tanaka groaned, watching where his cock disappeared inside you. His hands ran along your hips and ass, helping you rock yourself on him. He leaned in, continuing to suck on your tits. The car windows fogged, the small space filled with the sound of your breathless moans and his cock thrusting into your wet pussy.

Tanaka wasn’t one to make the woman do all the work, so he planted his feet on the car floor bucked his hips up to meet yours. The deep spot he hit made your head fall back. “Tana-nngh-” your words were cut off by a cry of pleasure. You creamed around him, setting him over the edge. He spilled into the condom while groaning into your chest.

“Tanaka, can you do something for me?” you asked once you caught your breath. He was still buried inside you.

“I’d do anything you ask me right now, not gonna lie,” He replied. 

You laughed, even though he wasn’t joking. “Don’t tell anyone we hooked up. I just don’t want the other guys judging me, you know?”

“It’s in the vault,” Tanaka replied seriously. “And if you ever want to do that again, please call me.”

Two down, seven to go.

Your next opportunity didn’t come until about a month later. You were alone with Asahi in the library studying for midterms coming up. “I need a break,” Asahi sighed, pushing his books away from him.

There was your opening. “You took the words right out of my mouth,” You replied. “My roommate is away right now. Wanna go back to my dorm and watch a movie?” You gave him a look that hinted that maybe it wasn’t just a movie on your mind.

Asahi blushed. “I-I don’t want to intrude.”

You waved him off. “You won’t be. C’mon it will be fun.” With that, you both packed up your things and headed to your dorm. You told Asahi he could sit on your bed while you set up the movie. He sat on the edge of your bed, looking a little nervous. It made you laugh that such a large, handsome man was easily flustered. “Relax, Asahi, you can lay down if you want.”

You hopped on the bed, laying down in front of him. You were in the spooning position, but not touching. You rectified that by slowing drifting closer to him. When your ass met his front, you wiggled as innocently as you possible could. You could feel Asahi shift nervously, though he unmistakably pressed closer to you. It wasn’t long before you could feel something hard poking at your ass. 

“I can feel that, Asahi,” you teased.

“I’m so sorry y/n, I didn’t mean-”

“Shhh,” you hushed him, “I don’t mind.” You reached back, taking his hand in yours and leading it down into your leggings. “Maybe this will make you feel better.” You guided his hand to your pussy, letting him feel your wetness. He let out a low groan. You took your hand away, letting him touch you how he pleased.

“Do... do you want me to...” Asahi trailed off as he continued to play with your pussy. 

“I think you know what I want, Asahi,” you purred his name. He cursed into your hair, breathing in the sweet scent. He brushed it aside, kissing your neck a little. You titled your head, allowing him better access. Then you got needy, so you craned your head back, allowing you two to kiss. He a gentle kisser, sweet and passionate. His hand slid up your shirt, giving your breasts a few soft squeezes. “Do you have a condom?”

Asahi’s cheeks tinted but he nodded. “In my wallet, yeah.” He fished his wallet out of his back pocket, pulling the little foil out. You wiggled your ass agains him, urging him on. He slipped his cock out of his pants, rolling the condom on. His tip nudged at your aching hole. “You sure?”

“Please.” Asahi slid into you slowly, letting you adjust. His arm wrapped around your waist, holding you to him while he thrusted into you. You arched your back, getting him deeper.

“Y-you feel good,” he mumbled against your neck. You quickly learned that Asahi was not shy about moaning. Hell, he was practically whining as your swirled your hips. He was so close to your ear, the sound giving you goose bumps. It was fucking hot. When he slid his hand down and started rubbing your clit it was your tone to moan.

“Asahi don’t stop,” you said breathlessly. 

“Fuck I think I’m gonna-” His voice broke off in a low groan as you felt his cock twitch inside you. He didn’t stop fucking you even as he came, which pushed you over the edge. A warm rush filled your body as you finished. You finally turned around, giving him a soft peck. “Sorry about that,” he mumbled, embarrassed. 

“Don’t be silly, I really enjoyed it,” you assure him. “But if it’s okay with you, let’s not tell anyone we did this. You know how the guys are. If they found out...”

Asahi nodded in agreement. He definitely didn’t need his teammates knowing he came quick. “I promise I won’t tell.”

A few days later, you were sitting in practice, reflecting on how your strategy to get through the 6 guys left. It was half way through the first semester and you only had 3 done. You weren’t too concerned yet, but you knew you couldn’t keep letting so much time pass between each guy. You were so deep in thought that you didn’t notice Tsukki come up beside you.

“I know what you’re up to.”

You startled, giving him a confused look. “Huh?” 

“You’ve been hooking up with the guys on the team.” It wasn’t a question.

You tried to keep your voice even, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Tsukki rolled his eyes. “Don’t play stupid. I saw you leave the library with Asahi last week. Then earlier in the semester you were sneaking around parties with Noya and Tanaka.”

You raised a brow. “You stalking me or something?”

“We are in the same friend group at a small university, it’s not that hard to put together. If you have half a brain at least,” Tsukki replied. “I just don’t understand why.”

You let out an annoyed sigh. Your back was to the wall, you had to tell him. “It’s for a bet. To see if I can hook up with the entire team by the end of the year.” It felt stupid saying it out loud, especially with Tsukki’s judgmental eyes watching you.

“So why are you hiding it? I’m sure these idiots would be more than happy to sleep with you for whatever reason,” Tsukki replied.

“I can’t it’s part of the rules,” you explained, “So if you tell anybody I’m totally fucked.”

“I’d say you’re already quite fucked,” Tsukki replied with a shit eating grin.

“Haha,” you replied dryly, rolling your eyes. “But seriously, don’t blow this for me.” He went to open his mouth but you cut him off. “And no blow job jokes.” His mouth shut, but you could see the gears turning.

“So you kinda owe me a favor, don’t you?”

“If you’re going to ask me to sleep with you, don’t bother. It’s already a part of the plan unfortunately,” you replied.

“Ouch,” he yawned. “But that’s not what am I asking. At least not exactly. I want a three way with Yamaguchi.”

You were shocked but also not at the request. You knew they were best friends, but they seemed like they would be completely different in bed. “Have you told Yams about me hooking up with the other guys?”

“No, I figured I’d keep my mouth shut until I had more information,” Tsukki replied. “But I’ve been trying to help Yams lose his virginity. This seems like the perfect opportunity.”

“Wow what a selfless friend you are,” you replied sardonically

Tsukki shrugged. “I can admit I want to try a three way for selfish reasons, too. What guy doesn’t.”

“And you think Yams wants to lose his virginity with you there?”

“Yeah, he’ll be less nervous. I promise I won’t tell him or anyone else about your stupid bet if you do this.” You agreed. Although Tsukki was annoying, you couldn’t deny that a 2 for 1 would help a lot. You just had to text your friend to make sure it was within the rules.

Y/f/n: hmm I think as long as neither of them no what it’s for, one three way can be allowed

Y/n: Tsukki knows. that asshole figured it out. I have to use my get out of jail card on him -_-

y/n: but Yams doesn’t know, Tsukki will make up some other story to tell him

y/f/n: As long as Tsukki doesn’t tell Yams and no one else finds out then I think it’s fine. Good luck with that lmao 

A week later you were in Tsukki and Yams’ shared dorm room. They’d pushed their beds together for the occasion, which was honestly quite funny. Tsukki looked almost bored and Yamaguchi looked nervous. Typical. 

One thing led to another and you were on their combined beds kissing Yamaguchi while Tsukki pulled your bottoms off. For his lack of experience, Yams was a good kisser. Definitely a little nervous, but sweet. You went at his pace, twisting your fingers through his hair making his breath catch.

“Watch this, Yamaguchi. You have to get her nice and wet before putting it in,” Tsukki told his friend. His fingers were rough and warm as he dragged them through your lips. He rubbed circles over your clit, making sure his friend knew that spot was very important. His long fingers easily slid inside you, pressing spots that were hard for you to reach. You let out a little gasp, which made him smirk. “Take over for me Yams, you gotta practice.” 

They swapped places, Tsukki slipping his cock out when he reached you. “Suck me off.”

You narrowed your eyes. “A please would be nice.”

Tsukki gave you a fake smile. “Please suck me off.” You didn't bother arguing, taking his cock in your mouth instead. He was annoyingly big. Maybe the biggest you had yet. Asahi may have been thicker, but Tsukki was definitely longer. You used your hand on his base while your lips and tongue focused on his tip. Meanwhile, Yams was getting the hang of fingering you. He copied Tsukki exactly, his whole face and chest flushed at the sight of your wet pussy sucking in his fingers. Your moan vibrated through Tsuki’s dick as he hit a sweet spot. 

“Fuck,” the blond cursed, pulling out of you. He didn’t want to cum just yet. “Move Yams, let me show you how to fuck her.”

Yamaguchi’s face flushed a deeper shade of red. “Okay.” Tsukki spread your legs  open after slipping a condom on. He pressed inside you slowly and you so badly did not what to gratify him with a moan, but you couldn’t help but let one slip.

“Sh-should I put it in her mouth?” Yams asked. 

Tsukki shook his head. “You won’t last. You need to be hard so you can fuck her.” Yams nodded, watching his friend roll his hips into you. “I’ll make her cum so she’ll be nice and sensitive when it’s your turn.” Tsukki rocked his hips against yours, holding your thighs wide open for him. You hated to admit it, but it did feel really good. His cock, like his fingers, hit spots deep inside you. His thrusts were surprisingly heavy for his thinner frame. A damn near devious smily spread across his face as he felt your pussy clenching around him. He rubbed your clit with quick circles, finishing you off.

“Fuck!” you cried, your head falling back on the pillow. Pleasure pulsed through you as Tsukki fucked you through your high. He pulled himself out of you with a hiss, stopping himself from finishing. He wanted to do that in your mouth. 

“Your turn Yams.” Tsukki yanked his friend down between your legs. Yams cock ached as he look at your fucked out expression. He couldn’t believe he was going to lose his virginity to the hot older manager. He said a silent prayer that he didn’t cum the second he put it in. 

You sensed his nerves and comforted him. “Don’t worry, Yams, you’ll do good. Let me.” You took the condom out of his shaking hands and rolled it onto him. He whimpered a little, sensitive to even your touch. “Whenever you’re ready, yeah?”

He nodded, holding your thighs like Tsukki did and slowly pressed inside you. He slid in easily, thanks to Tsukki. He let out a whine feeling your warm, wet walls squeeze him. He tried not to focus to hard on that as he rolled his hips into you. You were extra sensitive, just as Tsukki said, making each movement feel extra good.

“So good, Yamaguchi.” You had no problem encouraging the younger guy. You always thought he was sweet. “Doing so good.” Yams blushed and kept it going. 

“Now, where were we?” Tsukki asked, an obnoxious ring in his voice. You rolled your eyes at him but took his cock back in your mouth without protested. You took him deeper, urged on by how his composure cracked. Your tongue ran along the vein on the underside, making him curse. Yams continued to rut desperately into you, making you moan onto Tsukki. You emphasized the sound both for Yams’ confidences and to break down Tsukki. 

Tsukki used his free hands to play with your tits. He gave your nipples a hard squeeze, sending a jolt of pleasure through you that made you cum again. Yams cried out your name, summing the second your walls pulsed around him. Tsukki’s hips twitched as your lips tightened, spilling into your mouth. Everyone was a panting mess by the end. 

“Thanks, y/n,” Yams said as you finished getting dressed. “And I won’t tell anybody, I swear.” You exchanged a look with Tsukki, who nodded a silent agreement that he would continue to keep his mouth shut. You couldn’t help but smile as you left; you were over halfway done.

You went the rest of that semester without crossing anyone else off the list. You were okay with that, though, since you were still on track. Your next opportunity came during the last week of the winter break. Practice had started again, but not everyone was back to campus yet meaning they were smaller. And meaning  Hinata was more desperate for someone to stay and throw him extra tosses.

“Sure Hinata, I’ll help you out,” you agreed. Everyone else had cleared out of the gym, glad to not be the one Hinata targeted. You tossed him for awhile, admiring the strength of the small first year. He was the biggest wildcard to you. You weren't sure if he was gonna be really good or really bad.

“Ugh, I need to get stronger,” Hinata grumbled after his last spike. It looked plenty strong to you, but it gave you an idea.

“I've heard increasing testosterone can make you stronger,” you replied, tossing up another ball for him.

“Really? How can I do that?” 

“Having is sex is one way.” Hinata dropped out of the air, the ball you tossed bonking him in the head. You laughed at the surprised look on his face.

“Sex?”

“Have you not heard of it?” you teased.

Hinata grumbled, “I have! I just didn’t know it could help like that.”

You shrugged. “That’s just what I’ve heard at least.” You took a step closer to Hinata, looking him in the eye. “We should give it a try.”

Hinata’s eyes widened. “Wait are you serious? Like right now?”

“Yeah! Let’s do it and see if your spike gets better.” You knew he couldn’t resist the offer, which he did not. Hinata practically pounced on you. Have sex with he pretty manager AND improve his spike? Sounds good to him. You were all over each other as you got down to the floor. Clothes flying off as you went. You weren’t sure why you felt so particularly excited, maybe it was the risk of getting  caught. All you knew is that you suddenly wanted Hinata badly. 

Hinata was just as eager with you, his hands all over you. His kisses were a little sloppy with need, but you loved it. Your tongues mixed slid your hands over his toned torso. Hinata bunched up his t shirt and put it under his head like pillow. He hooked his arms around your thighs and pulled you up his body. “Sit on my face?”

How could you say no to that. The second your pussy made contact with his mouth he was all over it. His tongue pressing into your soaked entrance, then his lips sucking your aching clit. You forgot yourself, rocking your hips against his face, though Hinata didn’t mind one bit. He loved how your plush thighs squeezed his face as you chased your high. 

It didn’t take long for it strike you, swift and strong as lightning. You bit down on your lip as your moaned his name, trying to not alert anyone who may be walking outside what was going on in the gym. Hinata lapped up every bit of release before you slid off him. In an instant he had you flipped over, with him now on top. 

“You taste good,” he grinned, his lips shining with your release. You pulled him in for a sloppy kiss, tasting yourself on him. “I think I have a condom in my gym bag, give me a sec.” And he really meant ‘a sec.’ Hinata was back at one top of you in a flash, rolling a condom onto his hard length. You didn’t get how he was so damn fast.

You both let out content sighs as Hinata pressed into you. Hinata fucked you hard and fast. He just couldn’t hold himself back when he felt your velvety walls wrapped around him. You were not surprised by his energy in the slightest, but you were surprised by his strength.

“Nngh- Hinata! Right there,” you moaned. You wrapped your legs around him, keeping him close to you. With just a few more heavy thrusts, your orgasm was milking his cock. Hinata’s head fell back while he filled the condom with his release. A mixture of a moan and a whine slipped from his parted lips. 

When you were both redressed, Hinata was already asking for a toss to see if worked. You couldn't help but laugh. Only Hinata would be thinking about volleyball after sex. You indulged him, tossing the ball, which he rocketed over the net.

“Holy shit! You were right y/n, that was so much better!’” Hinata beamed.

“I knew you could do it!” you replied, “But can I ask you not to tell anyone we just did that. If the other players found out, they may pester me to help them like that too.” Hinata agreed, happy to have his only little secret weapon for better spikes. 

6 down, 3 left.

A week or so later, Hinata and Kageyama were bickering in practice, as they do. However, Kageyama seemed more annoyed than usual, so you decided to check in with him after practice to make sure everything was okay.

“Oh, yeah Hinata’s just been... particularly annoying,” he replied, seeming oddly nervous. Or maybe uncomfortable.

“Particularly? What do you mean?”

Kageyama shifted. “Well, he's been bragging about hooking up with this girl...” You stiffened, wondering if Hinata spilled the beans.

“What about it?” you asked, trying to keep your voice even.

“I thought he was bull shitting at first because he wouldn’t tell me who it was. But then he started going into a gross amount of detail and I knew he wasn’t lying.” You let out a sigh of relief, which Kageyama misread. “I’m sorry that was probably weird to share.”

You shook your head. “Not at all. Why does it bother you so much, though?”

Kageyama blushed a little. “Well, it’s kinda of embarrassing, but Hinata and I compete about everything. He’s hooked up with 4 girls this year and I’ve only 3.  I guess it’s kinda fucked up to compete over that.” No more fucked up then your own competition, you thought.

“Not at all,” you assured him, “Friends do shit like that all the time. I’m sure those girls would have hooked up with you both either way.” In your case with Hinata, you knew it was true. They were nice, good looking guys, who wouldn't want to? “Why don’t you tell Hinata you hooked up with someone else.”

“Lying would be so lame. If he realized, I’d never live it down,” Kageyama replied.

“Who said you had to lie?”

Kageyama’s brows furrowed then raised when he realized what you mean. “Are you saying...”

“I’m saying, we hook up and then you can tell Hinata you’re back to being tied without lying,” you finished for him. “We don’t have to tell anyone either. Hinata not telling you is the perfect excuse to not tell him. He won’t have to know it was a favor.”

“Seriously? Are you sure y/n? I didn’t tell you to make you feel like you had to,” Kageyama replied. He was trying to be polite but you could tell the wheels were already spinning in his head.

“I’m sure. I’d do it even if it wasn’t for a favor.” Kageyama blushed. 

“Thank you so much.” No, thank you, you thought.

And so a few days later you found yourself in Kageyama’s dorm, sitting on his lap with your back pressed to his front. An interesting request, but you didn’t deny it. And now you were very glad you didn’t

“Fuck Kageya- oh,” your voice was a strangled moan as he played with your pussy. His calloused fingers moved expertly over your most sensitive spots. You felt almost like his opponent. You could tell he was observing you closely, noting every spot that made you tick. The whines that escaped your lips meant he found the perfect pressure to rub your aching clit. Your hips bucking showed him the sweet spot inside you that drove you crazy.

“You like that?” it was more of a statement than a question, really. He knew you loved it. All you could do was nod. Kageyama had both of his arms wrapped around you from behind. His middle two fingers on one hand plunged into your pussy, pressing your g spot. The other hand rolling your clit, driving you crazy. 

If it didn’t feel so good, you’d almost be embarrassed at how fast you came. Kageyama felt it immediately, letting you fuck yourself on his fingers. You ground against him, his erection pressing into your ass. It made you both desperate for more.

“Need you,” you gasped, reaching back to give him a squeeze through his pants. Kageyama groaned deliciously before pulling his sweats down just enough to free himself. He was riding high from just making you cum and couldn’t wait to feel your walls squeezing him. After he rolled the condom on, he angled your hips back so he could slide in. 

“Fuck,” he hissed. Even better than he imagined. You couldn’t help but immediately start rolling your hips. Kageyama sat back a moment, watching you fuck yourself on his cock. He squeezed your hips and ass, keeping your rhythm steady as you rocked your hips. 

He spread your ass a little, a gasp escaping your lips as you feel him spit on you. You did not expect that from Kageyama. His thumb circled the tight rim of your ass before pressing inside.

You cried out something incoherent as the pleasure you felt heightened. Each roll of your hips felt extra intense, now that he occupied both holes. As if that wasn’t enough, Kageyama reached forward to toy with your clit again. Your body surged with pleasure as you squeezed around his cock and thumb. Even as your orgasm hit, the pleasure didn’t subside. If anything it was build and -

“Oh god,” you whine as a gush of release left you. The composure Kageyama had been holding crumbled at the sight. He groaned, burying his face in your neck as he came. Even lost in his own pleasure, he never faltered, letting you ride out your high completely. You didn’t move from his lap when you finished, not trusting your legs to hold you. “Holy shit Kageyama,” was all you could manage.

“Was that good?” This time the question sounded genuine. You almost laughed, as it sounded like how he asked the spikers if they liked his set.

“Very good.”

Two to go.

You debated saying fuck the whole competition and going back to Kageyama for seconds. It wasn’t against the rules, technically, but your competitive spirit kept you from straying from the goal. Besides you really wanted that $500. Still, you hadn’t pursued either Sugawara or Daichi yet, knowing you’d have to be careful with them. They weren't as easily... won over as the others. Little did you know, Sugawara had his sights set on you, 

“Hey, y/n, need any help?” he asked. You were in the team’s storage room, taking account of all the equipment. It was part of your job to make sure everything was in good shape and put in orders for more as needed. Normally, your friend and co-manager helped you with the task, but she was sick, leaving it to you.

“That would be great, if you don’t mind,” you replied. Sugawara joined in organizing and taking stock of everything. The two of you chatted easily as you worked. Sugawara was one of your favorite players on the team. He was incredible kind and you appreciated his sense of humor.

“Hey, y/n, have you ever had like a bucket list? Or something like that?” Sugawara asked. 

“Sure there’s a list of things I’d like to do,” you replied. “Why do you ask?”

“Well... I’ve always thought it would be fun to hook up with someone in the team room. I guess that makes me a stereotypical jock, huh?” 

You laughed. “Oh? So did you only offer to help in hopes of getting laid?”

“No I swear, I didn’t,” he laughed, “But this does look pretty bad now.” 

“It’s all good,” you replied, “I’d be happy to help.” If only he knew how much he was help you.

Suga smiled. “I promise I’ll make it worth it.” He pressed you agains the wall, gently, and kissed you. You welcomed his soft, warm lips. His kiss was sweet and soft, but there was a hunger behind it that made your stomach flip. The next thing you knew, Suga was on his knees.

“Can I?” his warm, brow eyes looking up at you pleadingly. You nodded and he hooked his fingers into your leggings sliding them off you. Suga put one leg over his shoulder, placing a soft kisses on your inner thigh. Once he’d teased you enough, he went for your pussy. He had a gentler approach, almost like making out with your cunt, but it still drove you wild.

“Suga,” you let out a content sigh. Your hands tangled in his hair, pushing him further into you. Suga hummed approvingly, loving the pretty noises you made. Your leg went weak as Suga sucked on your clit, but his grip kept your firmly upright.

“Cum for me, pretty,” Suga murmured. With the flick of his tongue you did just that. Breathless moans fell from your lips as a warm surge of pleasure filled you.  The second you finished you were pulling Suga up to kiss. You tasted yourself on his lips, kissing him deeply. Your hands went to his shorts, pulling at them. Suga chuckled at you. “Lemme.” 

He pulled a condom out of his pocket before slipping his cock out. You hugged him tightly as he pushed into you. Suga rocked into you slowly at first. You kissed his neck, murmuring how good it felt. Suga hooked his hand under your knee, pressing it up so he can get deeper. The angle urged a moan from you that made his cock ache. “Feel good?”

“Yes,” you gasped into his neck. You dug your nails into him as you reached the limits of your sensitivity. He continued as he felt your pussy tightening around him. He was panting and moaning in your ear, a sound you could only describe as pretty.

“That’s it let go for me,” he urged. You couldn't help but comply, your body going slack as your second orgasm washed over you. Sugawara sounded even prettier when he was cumming. His hips stuttered as he released, holding you close. You held each other as you caught your breath.

“This will stay between us, right?” you asked.

Suga smiled. “It will be our little secret.”

Just one left.

It was spring break and the end of the school year was on the horizon. You had a lot of big assignments due at the end of the year, opting to stay on campus to get them done. You found out Daichi was doing the same, leaving him alone at the team house for a week. You knew this was probably your only shot.

You offered to work with him so he wouldn’t be alone at the house, which he happily accepted. You spent the days being each others moral support getting through your tough assignments and insuring the other person took breaks. It did help a lot, Daichi was good at keeping you on task and you were good at helping him not over stress himself. It was the last night of break and you both finally finished your assignments. The relief was palpable, but so was the tension. You got the sense that Daichi was flirting with you at times, but he was hard to read. You were anxious to finally finish your other assignment. You knew if it didn’t happen now, it probably wouldn’t at all. 

“So how should we celebrate?” you asked. You were sitting on this counter, swinging your legs idly. 

Daichi looked at you, catching something suggestive in your voice. “Sounds like you have an idea.” He held your gaze in a way that felt like an invitation.

“Well, I have been thinking about something...” you trailed off, smirking a little.

Daichi stepped closer to you. “Oh? And what is that?” 

You leaned forward slightly, which drew Daichi closer to you. “Might be easier to show you.”

“I hope you do.” He was standing between your leg then. There was only another beat of tense silence before you pulled him in. He gripped your hips, kissing you deeply. You wrapped your arms around his neck, letting Daichi control the kiss. “Wrap your legs around me.” When you did, Daichi lifted you off the counter.

He carried you to the bedroom, placing you gently on the bed. You continued to kiss as clothing came off. Daichi slipped his fingers between your legs, sliding them into your pussy. He pumped them into you, stretching your pussy and making it slick. “You want more?” he asked against your lips. 

You nodded and he pulled a condom out of his bedside table. He put it on positioned himself between your legs. Daichi was really thick, maybe thicker than Asahi. Even with him fingering you, it was a stretch. “Fuck you’re tight,” he groaned as he bottomed out. He kissed and sucked your tits as he snapped his hips against yours. Once you got used to it, the stretch felt good. Your hips bucked up to meet his, pressing him deeper inside you

“S’big,” you whimpered. Daichi pressed on your lower stomach, heightening the sensation of him inside you. His thumb went down to your clit, rubbing circles over it. Your back arched of the bed as a surge of pleasure seized you. Not just pleasure, pleasure and triumph. Your orgasm was heightened with the satisfaction of winning the bet. 

Daichi fucked you through your orgasm until his own took him over. He groaned into your, slowing his thrusts to enjoy every last moment.  He pulled out when you both finished, rolling over on the bed next to you. “Well I am significantly less stressed now.”

You laughed. “Same.” He had not idea how much stress he just took off your plate. “Would it be okay if we didn’t tell anyone, though? The guys on the team are kinda immature. If they found out...” You let him fill in the blanks of his teammates finding out he hooked up with the manager. He absolutely did not want that mess to happen.

“Absolutely. It stays between us.” 

Success.

A few days later you sat with your friend in your dorm filling her in and counting your cash. “I still can’t believe you did it.”

“I know, honestly I’m impressed with myself.”

“Okay but I have to know, how did they do?” You friend has asked you for details along the way, but you insisted on saving it for the end. 

“Let me preface this by saying they were all good, and I would hook up with any of them again,” you stated. You explained that Yams was last, mostly just because of his inexperience. You would, however, not mind being with him again one on one and really rocking his world. 

“You’re gonna scare the poor guy,” your friend commented.

You grinned, “I think he’d like it. Anyways...” In a surprising turn of events, Daichi was next.

“No way.”

“Yeah I mean it wasn’t bad, but he needs to do more foreplay,” you explained.

“Fair enough.” 

Next way Asahi, another surprisingly low 3rd year. You explained that he lost points for cumming quick, but the way he whimpered and moaned was hot so you couldn’t be that mad about it. Next came Tsuki, who you wished could be lower, but alas it was good. 

“And his dick was really big. Like the biggest on the team.”

Your friend laughed. “No wonder he’s so cocky.” 

Tanaka was next. A solid fuck, no complaints.

“He is super into boobs.”

Your friend rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I think anyone who’s ever met him coulda told you that.” 

Next was Suga. “He’s just like... so sweet dude. It was almost kinda romantic.”

“You really need to go on more real dates if you think fucking in the team storage closet is romantic.”

You laughed, “I swear it was! He was best of the third years by far.”

Next was Hinata. “You did WHAT in the gym?” your friend questioned.

“Yeah, I know, I know. Kinda crazy.”

“Very crazy. But please go on.”

“Unsurprisingly, he had tons of energy. But I was surprised by how good he was. I should’ve known better than to underestimate him.”

Next was Nishinoya. “He was so good. And so eager. I just know he’d be super fun in bed the more you get with him.”

“You sure it’s not your crush talking?”

“Shut up. This is all totally objective scientific work.”

“Wait... so does that mean... Kageyama?”

“Yes!” You told her about how he took you by surprise. That he was amazing with his hands and knew exactly how to work you up. And that he made you squirt.

“No fucking way.” 

“Believe me, I was shocked too.” 

You spent the rest of the night gossiping over the experiences and who you wanted to have a round 2 with.

A/n: this was kinda a convoluted idea and I didn’t really know how to end its lmao. But hope you enjoyed tysm for reading<3

[panelshowsource]

UPDATES: 📖books📖 on googledrive, panelist collection additions, misc. uploads

hello again everyone :) apologies for the long post incoming, but there is some fun new content on the googledrive i'd like to share!

—

with quite a few books coming out and quite a few requests in my inbox for some comedians' writing, i've put most of my personal ebook & audiobook collection on google drive!

you can find the link on the secondary masterpost here under books :)

on drive, you'll be able to browse by author or by book type:

some books are available in both formats while others are ebook or audiobook only. i renamed all of the files so they should show up chronologically per author + audiobook files names will also show who is narrating:

(bob & sally💙)

note: nearly all of the ebooks are in epub format and nearly all of the audiobooks are in m4b format, both of which will automatically open in apple books, google play books, adobe digital, calibre, etc. — whatever is default on your device. you shouldn't have any issues with these files, but in case you do you can use the following website to convert the epub to pdf or m4b to mp3 (totally free and very fast!)

it's not a very big collection — about 50 books — but hopefully this will help anyone who wants to take a further plunge into their fave comedians :) enjoy!

—

as i mentioned earlier this month, i started rolling out panelist "collection" folders, which include not only the panel show episodes someone has appeared on but also deeper cuts and content like radio sitcoms/dramas, non-panel show light entertainment, late night appearances, podcasts, audiobooks, and more!

while i don't plan to upload every last piece of content in the world to a panelist's collection, i know how convenient it would be if nearly everything was in one place, so along with the files you'll find in a folder there is also a docx file with additional working links:

even though these collections still aren't "complete", at least they're closer to complete lol i have added these docs for alex horne, joe wilkinson, john kearns, and vcm! i'll continue adding to these docs when i can

i got requests for collections for david & victoria, mike wozniak, and nish, so i'll keep working on those!

—

new content on the masterposts:

new buzzcocks

new rhod gilbert's growing pains

no more jockeys — complete series

standup from frankie boyle & hal cruttenden

audiobook 'egg and soldiers' by damien trench (main character of in and out of the kitchen) (read by miles jupp)

—

WATCH LINKS MASTERPOST / FAQ / TAGS / ASK

[imagine-knb]

omg hi! im here for the match-up, it seems so interesting!

my social-name is nish (she/her), I'm an enf/tj (I tend to take care of both of them <3), I can be quite reserved on first or one on one meet, so even though I might seem like an extrovert, i think I'm more of an ambivert. I like classy fashion but I don't like to leave my house a lot :/ but when I do, it's all ✨fun✨ I have a tendency to come off as "perfect" student/girl, but it's mostly because of my wanting to be over-achieving tendencies. my friends tell me that I'm sweet and one of the most level-headed person they have met. I tend to act silly in front of my friends. Oh, I also have procrastination tendicies, but i can be the most disciplined person when I want to be (it's hard there days 🥲) my hobbies are - writing/poetry/reading (literature stuff), graphic designing, sports. In KnB, I like GOM members and Captains the most! Thanks <3

Type of Romance

Colleagues to Lovers

How You Two Met

The two of you had been hired as interns at the same company, chosen for your academic prowess, though placed in different departments. Midorima probably wouldn't have even met you if it weren't for the fact the company insisted on playing ice-breakers for their interns first day.

By the time the partner rotation had allowed the two of you to come together, he was already feeling fed up. Meeting new people was always so taxing. You were feeling much of the same way, your own social battery having run dry.

To be frank, your first impressions of each other likely weren't good. He seemed stoic and unfriendly to you; you seemed quiet and disinterested to him. You two simply act professionally around each other. It likely isn't until the two of you have orbited around each other's spaces more that he starts to warm up to you.

Midorima looked around the packed break room, lunch in hand and a scowl on his face. There weren't very many seats left, his colleagues and peers already filling up most of the spaces. He could always eat in his car, but he likely wouldn't finish by break's end.

Salvation came in the form of a wave of the hand and a call of his name. You were sitting alone at a table, one other seat left open next to you. Despite the cold beginning that was the start of knowing Midorima, you still wanted to treat him kindly.

He took the seat beside you without hesitation, nodding in greeting. "I appreciate the gesture." Wanting to return your kindness by being at least a bit more friendly, he added, "Let's have a good lunch together." That phrase became the one he would always say to you every single day you invited him to sit with you for lunch.

How He Fell For You

He had thought, at first, that he simply had a greater appreciation for your more level-headedness. There weren't very many people in his life that were as reasonable as you. He approved of your hard work and dedication and saw you as a dependable person. When that admiration for your personality turned into infatuation however, he couldn't quite pinpoint.

For Midorima, it happened slowly over time. He progressively started thinking about you more often. You were the first person to come to mind when he required assistance with a job. You were the first person he thought of to invite if social events mandated plus ones. You were always the first to be on the forefront of his mind.

Though, he actually needed a little more of a push from friends to realize he was actually in love.

He was glaring. Midorima knew he was glaring. It wasn't the appropriate thing to do in a social setting full of work colleagues, but he couldn't help himself. Not when you were across the room being chatted up by another man, looking bright eyed and laughing.

"Don't look so hostile, Midorima," one of his peers would say, elbowing the green haired man in jest. "It's not like the two of you are dating."

And that was it. That was the moment Midorima would realize what it was he wanted with you. Because he wouldn't be feeling this way — so angry and pathetic — if you were with him. He wanted more than just pleasant work conversations and the occasional coffee. He wanted to be the person you showed your more mirthful side to. Later that night, he would pull you to the side, confessing his feelings and wondering if you saw him as more than just a colleague as well.

What a Relationship with Him is Like

Midorima can get pretty deep into his work routines most of the time, so having a girlfriend like you definitely helps to remind him to live a little and have fun. While he may verbally complain every so often, he really does enjoy going out with you for your nights out of the house. Likewise, he's a great help to you during those moments where you seem to be procrastinating more than you should, always keeping you on track. You two balance each other out.

He has a bit of a tendency to spoil you where he can, so expect him to try and fill your closet with fashion to your tastes (and your lucky items of the day).

While he does appreciate that you're the more extroverted out of the pair of you, his favorite times to spend with you are when you're home together. He's a big fan of "astronaut time"; in other words, he feels perfectly at home being in your presence while doing individual things like reading or watching television. It's the proximity to you that he craves.

Midorima looks up from the pages of his book to find you sitting across from him, your own eyes glued to the screen of your laptop while you typed away. He stares for a few seconds before shifting, lifting an arm up so it's on the headrest of the couch. "Nish?"

You don't need to ask to know what his silent request is. Without looking up at him, you shift yourself to settle between the space of his arm and his body. Midorima lowers his arm so it's wrapped around your shoulder, close to you but out of the way of your own tasks.

As he goes back to reading the book still held in his other hand, a small smile graces his lips. He presses it to the crown of your head, knowing without looking that you were smiling as well.

Match Up Requests are Closed

[koicrimes]

yall, this game is SO good. it had me cryin and shit. had me doubting myself. had me fucked up-- i highly recommend it. truly. best game i've played in a while.

major spoilers below

first game i played since the rgg craze that left a deep impact on me. i think i'll be thinking about this one for a while. i might go back and play from the beginning and make tyler and alyson raise hell with all their choices next time hahaha. gahhh so much fun. all the characters felt so believable!!! ALL OF THEM! and even though i didn't like that michael kept coming onto to tyler even tho i politely brushed him off once before, he still felt human to me as well. sometimes dudes just can't fucking take a hint- no matter how nice and cool they are.

what was so crazy to me was how he was talking about how tyler was 'sooo special' and blah blah blah but just 6 months later this mf already taking photos with someone else with a pet talking about 'the new addition to our family'. like bitch if you want me so bad--????? THAT'S WHY I SAID MICHAEL GAVE ME UHAUL VIBES!!!! eehhhhh- like, no, give a mf some time to know you my guy. shit. idk maybe that's just me. (6 months is a while but im just saying)

but anyways, so.

i loved alyson and tyler's relationship so much. tyler is so fucking 😩😩😩😩🥰🥰🥰🫦🫦🫦. he's so hot. the amount of screenshots i have of that man is abysmal. he and alyson does this thing with their mouth but idk, i feel he does it alot more than she does, where he kinda bares his teeth-- sometimes it's a smile but not always. unff. LOVE! i love minor mouth ticks. i have one and i always notice when other people have one- aizawa has one (he chews at his inner lip). nish seems like he would kinda does the same thing tyler does now that i think about it but anyways im getting side tracked~~~

i loved their relationship! the bond thing was sooooo neat- being able to share memories and inner thoughts. HELLA NEAT! i love that so much.

UGH the writing here was so fucking phenomenal.

all of the townspeople: tessa, tom, sam, eddy-- they all had their parts and they were all believable flawed. the only person who i think i'd consider a villian, really would be tom. because fuck that guy- you cheated on your wife, let her raise your kids on her own, watched her fall apart, watch her get stabbed, allowed her to drown to death, allowed two kids to make decisions about something that fucking major when you saw what happened and then you got the audacity to try to blackmail them for your shitty ass campaign???

i rate his bald score a -8 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾 he doesn't deserve that shiner. for shame.

more importantly, the one thing that i wish that we got to see was the perspective of mary-ann from that night. but i guess that's the beauty of the story. no one will ever truly know what was going through her head. everyone has their speculation but no one knows for certain and they sort of have to live with that in order to survive... ughhhh (i am relieved that ty can live his life potentially at peace believing that his mother would see him as her son- her SON- see him for who he is. i know that had to eat away at him while he was at fireweed.)

11/10

honorable mention for my girl denise, she didn't really have shit to do but she was there and i was happy she was. i was happy to see them braids too. like they kinda ate. ngl. i was like okaaaaaay. it makes me really happy. like someone trully put in effort on them! anyway, her and tyler are best buds now. i call it. it is my headcanon. <3

[tetsuro-wulf]

The Wulf's Eye: RP Journal #120 | Spring Joys

It seems I'll have to discipline myself into consistently writing these journals, as yet again since the engagement, much has happened that I'd like to share, to keep written memories of at least.

Word seemed to have reached out to a.. journal company? Newspaper company? Writer's company..? Something about publishing written work to the public. But a man from Kugane interviewed me a bit regarding my strides towards educating the public about the co-existence of yokai and mortals in our world. The man who interviewed me seemed more than fascinated by the thought. We went back and forth, sitting by a tea shop in Kugane.. luckily for him, I was very much talkative. But I wasn't expecting to be contacted for an interview, so this is an even better means to get the word out.

The next few days involved a lot of meditation, and guiding those who sought it at my Shrine. It was nice to review their chakras again. Plus, Nightraid ended up having a group barbeque in our yard which was filled with laughter.. even if I was napping half the time. But at least I was in the company of my lover, my sons, and my friends!

The ochaya has been growing too. We recently got three new faces to add to our variety. And bit by bit the Moonflower's reputation grows. Which I'm more than happy for.

Oh oh! And my Earth studies have been so fun.. honestly, so far it has been more fun than levin. I suppose that's to be expected considering levin was.. forced upon me by a cursed ring. But now it's useful, no~? And has.. somehow earned me the nickname 'Raiju' in the Jade Moon Kingdom. AND.. my boyband. I guess. But BACK TO EARTH! Li taught so much about the land, taking from it, and realizing the Chi that I utilizes also resonates with the Earth.. because Chi exists through the Earth just as much. I managed to grow flowers utilizing Chi, which I never thought was possible. Growing flowers without the whole.. seed and watering process. Not only that, but with our essence imbued into them, they're stronger than your typical flowers. We decided to start growing these flowers for the Spiritual Shop. Seasonal flowers that we'll change here and there, though each has a means of usage for alchemy n' as herbs. And now I've been practicing taking specific minerals from the Earth to use as my own. Specifically iron. Ended up practicing some sparring with Nish so we could both go all out against each other, using some spells I created having studied for.. hours. Ha! It's been fun.. but now it's time to take it to higher levels.

I wanted to end this journal off on well, where I'm writing from. Currently, Scilla and I are staying over at his parents' house. As we wanted to visit them to properly give the news of our engagement. I'm so happy that Scilla seems to be gradually getting along with his father.. and vice versa. Otosan is a bit awkward but, he kind of reminds me of Nishikar. Of course, they were quite happy with the news.. excited for the wedding. This reminds me, I'll have to bring Li to my village.. finally.

04.19.2023 - 05.03.2023

[notalexhorne]

By contrast, I watch shows like Taskmaster or BFQ or Catsdown, and I see these mad individuals, and unless it’s someone who’s obviously putting on a character like John Kearns in his terrible wig or Mr Swallow, I—as an audience member—chose to 100% believe that every single one of these lunatics are exactly like the person they are presenting to the camera. Hell, I even start to believe the obvious wig-wearing weirdos after about ten minutes in. Whether Nish Kumar is calling a basketball racist, or tormenting his dry cleaner by repeatedly taking the same pair of trousers in to be mended because he keep tearing them in exactly the same way, rather than idk, buying a slightly larger pair or not doing that particular physical bit on stage every night, I believe this is the sort of man he is and do not question either behaviour. Beyond maybe asking wtf is wrong with him, to which the answer is obviously, “he is a stand up comedian, and they are all like this.”

I’ve just finished listening to Jon Richardson’s book It’s Not Me, It’s You today, and he actually goes into this a bit at the end. There is a part of the true person in the character being portrayed to the audience. There has to be, or the act wouldn’t be authentic. But it has to be tailored to be likeable. Richardson talks about removing all of the distasteful parts of his own personality for his act, which creates this false version of himself that comes off as more charming and attractive than he actually is, which is what led to him writing a book about being single for eight years in the first place. If he went up on stage or to set as his true, authentic self, he’d probably be the sort of person I’d want to punch in the face, just off of what he put in a three and a half hour audiobook. He comes off like a cousin I rarely speak to, because he’s a whiny, self-righteous dickhead who spends every moment at your house criticising the way you stack your plates in your cupboard. I enjoyed the book, and I like him as a comedian, but he and I would definitely not get on as human beings in a social setting.

But the same suspension of disbelief that allows me to enjoy a movie about a giant radioactive iguana fucking up Tokyo also allows me to forget that these people are all showing me a carefully curated version of themselves. Some of them do it more obviously, with the use of wigs and fake teeth, while others are more subtle and weave their daily lives with the person they want us to believe they are. And I think over time, that line gets blurred for some folks, and they become that person they pretend to be more and more.

I don’t spend a lot of time imagining where that line is, or who these people are when they’re not in front of a camera. But I’m also not going to dismiss the points that were made outright either, because a lot of people definitely do spend a lot of time imagining that line. I had no idea about Rose Matafeo, for instance, but I can’t say I’m surprised. By contrast, James Acaster famously had an actual breakdown on Bake Off, and was able to make it the subject of an entire show. What’s startling about that is how it seemed to have been kept quiet until he said something about it. The way he talked about it in his show, everyone on Bake Off treated him like some fragile Fabergé egg the whole time. Of course, given his side of the story is the only one I’ve heard, I have to take his word for it to a degree. But if Matafeo couldn’t even do a live show without getting rumours spread, that’s pretty telling.

At the end of the day though, these people are entertainers putting on a show. And the choice is to either suspend disbelief and go along with the narrative they are trying to sell—often that they are this slightly insane version of themselves, who have lost their grip on reality—or to find all the loose threads and pick at every last one until the whole thing unravels and there’s nothing left separating the two.

I know which one I find more fun. I came to see the clowns dance before me, and I’m going to get my proverbial money’s worth.

Last week I wrote a post about the first episode of Taskmaster season 16. In it, I kept talking about something I’ve wondered for quite a while about Lucy Beaumont, which is how much of her schtick is a character. After posting that, I became a bit worried that might post might fall into a somewhat common, shitty trope where people are less likely to ascribe agency to a female comedian who seems strange than to a male one.

I first heard of this idea when I heard Rose Matafeo talk about it some time ago, because she has an emotional breakdown on stage at the end of her award-winning stand-up show Horndog, and she said that afterward, a lot of people asked if she was okay because they thought she had genuinely lost it, rather than written a show that ended with a breakdown. And not that that problem never happens to male comedians, but I think it happens less often, as people are more likely to trust that a male comedian is doing this on purpose, but might think a female comedian just doesn’t have control over her own act.

So I wondered, a bit, if I was falling into that by wondering whether or not Lucy Beaumont genuinely believes the ghost of a dog gets into bed with her at night and she doesn’t understand how road speed rules work differently from a television show. Especially because there is a male comedian making really daft comments for comedic effect right next to her, and I can use that as a contrast. When Sam Campbell tells a weird story about people who rescued divers, I know he’s aware that that’s a ludicrous idea to bring in, and is saying it because it’s funny. So why would I wonder whether Lucy Beaumont is saying her ridiculous things because “she’s just like that”.

To be clear, I don’t think she might be literally “just like that”. I mean, I know she knows she’s on TV and meant to be doing comedy. I know that when she says things, she says them because she thinks they’ll be funny. I guess my main question with her is whether we’re supposed to think she’s 100% in character, like the way someone like Nick Helm plays a character, or if she is just “playing herself” and “herself” happens to be someone who likes daft comedy. I think that’s what I was wondering. I know she has to be quite an intelligent person, because you can’t put a career together as successfully as Lucy Beaumont has if you’re not. You can’t be that funny if you don’t know what you’re doing. People being genuinely really daft is not as funny as smart people playing up daftness for comedy. I do know that.

And then I thought, maybe Sam Campbell isn’t the comparison I should be using. I have asked almost this exact same question before about Paul Chowdhry, and maybe that’s closer. I know that when Paul Chowdhry says something funny, he’s saying it because he’s aware that it will be funny. But also, it’s really hard for me to tell how much is a character and how much is him. I feel the same way about Lucy Beaumont, and I’m glad I’ve found an example of a male comedian I feel the same way about, suggesting that it’s not just something I ask about female comedians because I don’t want to give them credit for control over their own persona. I know she’s controlling it through intelligence and comedic skill. I just don’t know exactly how.

Last year, I listened to Paul Chowdhry’s episode of the Comedian’s Comedian podcast, in the hopes that it would answer some of those questions about him. I got very few answers, but it was a fascinating interview, and a bit amusing to hear Stuart Goldsmith so on the back foot, audibly very aware of the challenge in front of him, to try to get a sincere, out-of-character conversation out of the notoriously opaque Paul Chowdhry. Today, I listened to Lucy Beaumont’s (quite recent) episode of that podcast for the same reason, hoping for some insight into how her persona works.

I’ve just heard the following exchange, as they discuss how she writes her characters:

Lucy Beaumont: There’s no secret formula [for writing], it’s just really really hard, and you will get there. But with Paula [major character in Hullraisers, the TV sitcom that Lucy Beaumont’s written] – Paula definitely was a dead person coming through to me. I couldn’t shut her voice off, and her voice was so clear that it made me think it just was someone who was dead, and I was picking up on their energy. To Hull and Back [Lucy Beaumont’s Radio 4 sitcom] was written for me – a mother and a daughter came through, and I was keeping up with them. That was totally dead spirts who wrote that. If I’d have known their name I’d have credited them. Stuart Goldsmith: [laughs, sounding genuinely impressed with this figurative explanatory device] That’s incredible, that’s an incredible way of looking at it. To what extent are you using – just so I’m clear – to what extent are you using “dead people”, in inverted commas, as a metaphor for the creativity coming out of somewhere you don’t know where it’s from, and to what extent do you mean literally dead people? Lucy Beaumont: No, I literally, totally, one hundred percent believe that most writers, when you get characters that are fully formed – what they call “write themselves” – you have picked up on spirits. [pause that lasts half a second too long where despite the silence, you can hear him recalibrate his reaction to this now that he knows it’s meant literally] Stuart Goldsmith: That’s amazing, I’ve never heard anyone put it like that before. Lucy Beaumont: I’ve had a lot of conversations with a lot of writers and that, I’ve convinced them that that’s right.

The conversation goes on for a little while like this. To his credit, I think, Stuart Goldsmith strikes a good balance. He asks further questions to get her to expand on that point, and at some point, her insistence on how very literal she's being causes him to ask, "Lucy, are you pulling my leg?" To which the answer is no, and then you can hear him recalibrate again, giving up on his efforts to get her to see the potential in saying this is a good metaphorical device. To his credit I think he handles the ensuing conversation well - gently challenges the idea that writers can't just make shit up and it needs to come from spirits, but without being a dick about it and telling her that what she believes is wrong. And he does manage to dig into that far enough to find the scraps of her common ground with the people who, you know, don't believe in that shit, and pointing out the ways that her perspective could translate to really useful practical writing advice. He did pretty well, I thought.

But the point is that I no longer feel guilty for wondering whether Lucy Beaumont is entirely putting it on. I mean, she's putting some of it on, for comedic effect, intentionally intelligently as all comedians do. But also, when she says she believes a dog ghost climbs into bed with her at night, she's probably saying that not because she's in character, but because she believes a dog ghost climbs into bed with her at night.

[anghraine]

I wrote a three-page one shot starring f!Faramir with background (ie, not actually appearing) f!Denethor + Númenor and Boromir feelings, which I’m sure is the content that everyone follows me for.

>_>

[gutsfics]

Hello! From the Fanfic Writer Asks (sorry in advance, it's a lot):

B, J, K, M, N, T, U and X

Feel free to skip any! Thank you.

!!!!!! thank you!! <3

B: What was the first fandom you read fic in? Which was the first you wrote fic for?

i can't remember exactly what fandom i first read fic for, but it was either Ouran High School Host Club , Black Butler, Creepypasta, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. first fic i wrote was for Black Butler. on wattpad. i think my oc for it was a demon who was like. technically Sebastian's daughter? like in some weird, inhuman way where she was created from his demon energy or something and was technically a clone or something like that

J: What’s your favorite fanfic trope? Have you written it?

hurt/comfort. yes, my hwu april fools day rewrite i only wrote so i could let Hunt have some of that good good emotional catharsis after watching the person he loves fall to their death. also my RCD rewrite is ABSOLUTELY gonna be hurt/comfort, but i haven't gotten to that part yet

M: What’s the weirdest AU scenario you’ve ever come up with? Did it turn into a story?

oh i have like. so many crossover aus and none of them make any sense at all, i just like these two different things & think it would b fun to smash em together. hwu/rcd and gta i think is the most buckwild one though. it's technically canon in the little gta online group thing me and my friends have as Hunt is my second online character & also he's part of my main online character's crew. just bc i think it would be funny to give him a gun and let him go buckwild

N: Any fic ideas brewing that you’d care to share?

every fic idea i've ever had has fallen out of my brain now that i have been asked about them

i do kind of want to write about Simon (my hss prime mc) and Nishan, bc the one and only time it was mentioned in the main story that they were dating was during the track meet where Simon saw Nish get kissed by Kara and they had one tiny conversation about it and then it went right back to Nish Is In A Love Quadrangle again :/ i do really like Nish, he's my favorite character, but bc of how hss prime was written, he was kind of a terrible bf and i'd like to explore that a little

T: Any fanfic tropes you can’t stand?

Abusive Partner's Abuse Is Romantic. fuck right off with that. also a/b/o, but really mostly bc it's often paired with other tropes that i don't like

U: Is there a pairing you would like to write, but haven’t tried yet.

i'd like to actually write fics about Ethan and Baxter instead of just occasionally talk about them

[nosignalformiles]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN

name: Seamus

nickname: Shay

faceclaim: I don't use one atm, but the last one was Bagpuss, and before that Steve from Blues Clues

pronouns: He/him (Chill with they but not for constant use)

height: 5ft5 Short king.

birthday: 20th December

aesthetic: At the moment? Agoraphobic gay wizard. (Leopard print robe.)

last song you listened to: Viðrar Vel Til Loftárása - Sigur ros

favorite muse(s) you've written: Out of past muses: Raum. He was a remake of an OC I made up when I was 13. A guilty by association fallen angel who had been young and couldn't really remember it. He was a weird thing. Yeeted people, stole things constantly, bothered everyone, got really attached to a tank of seamonkeys. Just a fun no brain needed to write character. Current muses: Cyren.

GETTING TO KNOW THE ACCOUNT

what inspired you to take on this muse?

Lockdown and boredom and isolation. This blog specifically, though? Wanted something completely new, I like creating settings and connected narratives. Originally this was like stepping past my long running connected universe and making something new, but now it's sort of part of it.

what are your favorite aspects of your current muse?

I like Cyren’s contradictions. He wants to make things miserable, but he’s drawn/under a compulsion to help and protect. He acts like he doesn’t give a fuck while clinging violently to the people he sees as family.

Issa’s absolute certainty that THEY'RE FINE while everything is coming apart.

Nish’s absolute riotous anger at what’s in his way, zero filter, suffers no fools attitude.

Favorite thing with Aster is how lost he is, how young and floundering, and desperate.

Valentine threw away a life of relative ease and comfort for someone he loved, to prove he can make a difference against a tyrant, without realizing that his focus on revenge and control will twist his aims and desires into something awful. What’s not to love about that?

Tadhg is fluffy baby.

Oriol is like... waiting. He’s waiting for something to make sense enough to him to ditch all the shit he doesn’t care about but has to do. He’s the person who’d kill and be killed for even the chance at more. That Potential yall

Favorite thing wth Wynn is when his like cheeky shit head stuff comes out in an argument or conversation. Cause he’s had to ignore and hide so much of that to get by.

Finch! Oh my god. He’s awful. I love him. Best bit by far is how fucking childish and unaware of other people he is. It both sucks to write and is great, cause it’s like you know what a reasonable mature adult would do. He’s doing the opposite, and you get to watch it go to shit.

Jay. My boy. So fucked up. Favorite aspect by far is that he’s the softest mother fucker. Sweetest little bastard who learnt to be anything but because he had to be.

Felix. Favorite aspect of this fucker? The adaptability. Yeah he’ll always have some of the same attitude, but he can and will play any role and act any way. Chameleon muses are fun.

who is your current fc?

I don’t like writing it in posts cause it makes them show up in tumblr searches! All of that’s on the muse bios

what's your biggest inspiration when it comes to writing?

Genuinely think everything you consume will influence your writing in one way or another, and pinpointing a single inspiration is very difficult. But Wellspring I can give an answer for. The village I live near atm is also a big part of the visual inspiration, and the maypole in the town center that Cyren’s body is buried over was inspired by the village I went to primary school in.

Favorite types of threads?

Any where Big Things are happening. Which is so vague, but it’s the best I can do. I ike big character moments and big plot moments. The inbetween is awesome, but the big is my favorite. The cathartic break down, the first I love you, the survival in a dire situation, the discovery of something about their world or themselves in thread form, for either muse but preferably for both. The Big Things.

Tagged by: @ofmagicallonging

Tagging: Anyone who wants to do this but hasn’t been tagged yet! Tag me in it! :D

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

Kingdom Collisions XVII

masterlist; my links

CW: blood, death

Phew, when i first started this fic (way back when in august last year, i think) i didn’t expect it to become a multi-chapter nor did i expect it to go in literally any of the directions it went in. with each new chapter the boys cooked up something different and apparently more and more dark. nonetheless this has been one of the most absolute fun, exciting, and rewarding fics i’ve ever put out there because 1. i just kind of did whatever i liked with it (plot holes be damned) and 2. because the interaction i got from this fic was mind-boggling. Every plot twist brought a gasp, an angst gremlin, and a sweet supporter to my doorstep (i cant name anyone because you all swopped roles continuously). 

when i started writing this chapter tbh i was dreading it because how on earth do i get myself out of the sheer monstrosity that i dug myself into in the last one? but i wrote some words and even though they were all wrong and it was only seven hundred of them at least i had written something you know? but then i was at the beach and the ocean water was shoving itself into my lungs and the salt was stinging my eyes and i literally couldn’t have been happier if i tried and suddenly i just kind of knew what i wanted to write... or rather i knew i wanted to write and these troublesome princes knew how they wanted their story to close. yes, indeed, close. somehow, without me realising it, we kind of got to the last chapter. i truly didn’t think this would be it but with each word i put down it just kept drawing closer and closer to a close. and i can’t force this fic to be anything but what it is. So, my dear ones, this is the last chapter of Kingdom Collisions. thank you for coming along, i hope with all my heart you enjoyed it even a fraction as much as i did. I love these Princes so hard and Nish, Gretch, and A can tell you how sad i was to see them end. Nonetheless, please enjoy!

Since it’s been a hot minute since the previous chapter, here’s a recap:

Prince Jason Grace stumbles from the mouth of the arena and falls to his knees in front of the platform.

“Kill him Perseus.” A voice glimmers around him, leaking in through the ringing in his ears.

“Come home Prince,” That voice lilts, “Do not die so far from the sea.”

Jason looks up at him, blue eyes hazy, a dagger loose in his clasp. “Hello Prince.”

Percy steps down from the platform, and takes the dagger from his husband’s hands. It is almost sickening how easily he gives it over.

The crowd stomps its feet: they are ready for blood; they are ready for slaughter.

He holds the dagger up, making sure it glints in the sun. And then he draws his husband close until there is nothing between their bodies, not space, not even air.

“Let’s go home my love.” He whispers. “We will not die so far from the sea.”

Prince Perseus Jackson brings the blade down.

[image has alt text]

We’ll never get free// lamb to the slaughter// what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water

Prince Perseus Jackson knows he’s going to die today. It is not a feeling, or a morbid premonition. It is the cold, hard truth. If he does not the world will continue to suffer for it. And what kind of prince would he be if he allowed his people to suffer? His father would say he’d be a coward. His father did not know the meaning of the word until he screamed as a blade sunk into his chest. Percy wonders how a man made from the Rivers themselves, can die by knife. He supposes when you spend long enough pretending to be human, you die like one too.

All the same Percy must take his last breath today, before the setting sun has managed to hide for the night. Before the darkness can wrap around his bones like cigarette smoke, and keep him trapped once more. 

But first, Percy must kill his husband. 

The crowd is violent; their need for bloodshed a hyena’s cackle in his head. He cannot keep them out. He cannot keep them at bay. It drives into his blood, makes every dangerous drop slosh through him, as wild as the rivers of his father. As wild as the blue eyes staring him down.

Perseus Jackson looks at his husband, barely an inch apart, so close it seems no room is left for air. He can’t breathe, so it must have been pushed away, pushed out. Those blue eyes, as striking as the brilliant sky above them, are looking at him with so much… sorrow, love, joy, rage? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know and it terrifies him. He knows and that scares him more. Prince Jason Grace is looking at him with delight and it makes him want to sin.

“I will find you again, my love.” His lips brush the sensitive skin of his ear. He feels that beautiful body shudder underneath him.

The musician’s box echoes with the notes of the wind, a melody that rackets around in his head, bouncing off the walls of his memories. He has died to this tune many times. Died as a king, and a peasant, and a squallor, and a whore, and every form of human scum and royalty alike. They all bleed the same in the end. All die with regrets on their tongue, and the unconquering falsehood of love in their hearts, as if that alone is enough to save them. He has never been safe from death. But love saves him all the same. He wonders if he will die again.

“I will not be lost.” Jason whispers back, so quiet, so full of sweet darkness.

Percy slams the blade into his Jason’s heart and watches as the light from beckoning eyes morphs into a smile that surrenders the world. He doesn’t acknowledge the warmth at his side. There is only his Prince, his husband, his other half, his, his, his. 

“I will be waiting.” Jason Grace grins. Jason Grace dies.

Already he can feel the absence of his other. It is not a dull ache, nor a sharp one. It is not really an ache at all. Rather as if a veil has been placed over him, leeching the world of colour and light. Leeching him of any goodness. What is a destroyer, without his healer?

The Prince of Mare pulls the knife out of his husband’s chest and holds it up to the crowd. His smile dances, violence coating the angles of his face like a liquid mask. The colosseum responds in vigour, chanting his name, chanting the name of Princess Piper Mclean, chanting victory as if they’ve won. Dust begins to settle at his feet, settle then jump as they jump, then settle once more. And endless dance. He knows the score by heart. 

“What you have witnessed today my good people,” The woman in power stands in her box, surveying the scene before her with triumph in her brown, glinting eyes. “Is the beginning of forever, again.”

The people cheer, clap, stomp their feet, make the stone underneath them quiver.

A drop of blood falls to the floor.

“We have completed what our ancestors could not. We have made sure that the threat— ” She sneers at them; at him in his bloodied rags, and the husband still in his arms, limp and fast growing cold. “The threat of Our Downfall may never rise from the ashes.”

The deafening sound of celebration is a vice around his throat. He wants to rip the air from their lungs, make their joy a noose around their necks. They celebrate the loss of a life as if it were the birth of a thousand more; they celebrate the death of his husband as if they had won the war. But they have never seen war. And his past selves, rushing up to him in these moments, like reeling pictures, smile at the prospect. They seem to gather in his mind, grinning with endless terror and say, so very softly, “You think this is war? We’ve only just begun.”

We’ll never get free// lamb to the slaughter// what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water

“My people,” Piper’s voice is a lull in the tides, a blind comfort to distract from the storm ahead. “We have severed the wings of a phoenix so it may never rise again.”

The crowd stomps, he stomps with them. A fissure runs under his feet, small, unnoticeable. Blood drips down, down, down, into the cracks. There is nothing left for him here. He smiles, soft and small. It is a smile only he knows exists.

With a gentleness he does not possess for anyone else but the man before him he lays his husband down, wincing as the dusty platform touches that beautiful golden skin. But he does not have time to make it clean. To give him a worthy place to rest. He only has right now. Eternity is a second in itself.

And when Prince Perseus stands, straight and unburdened. He reveals the last piece in a twisted puzzle. For sticking out of his own side— the side his prince was pressed against— is a dagger of his own. One that is killing him slowly.

The people are still cheering, Princess Piper is still revelling in her glory. She looks ethereal up on her dais, every bit the goddess she craves to be. Her brown skin shines in the brightening sun, her black hair flowing down, down, down past her hips, swishing at her thighs. And the crown that sits on her head, perched there as if it was too scared to be trapped to such power, glints almost menacingly, jewels reflecting onto the people closest to her. To the woman at her side. Annabeth, sister to Jason, lover to Piper, and honorary daughter of Hekima, sees him. Sees all of him and goes as pale as the moon. She grabs her lover’s arm, points a shaky finger in their direction, at the blade in his side.

The look of horror on their faces is almost enough to make him laugh; it’s certainly enough to make him smile. He watches on as their plans unravel, remembering the deadly words Piper had said to him all those days ago. “Instead we will kill one of you and keep the other continually alive.” But what good would that do, if he had killed them both, if he made sure his blood was smeared across his husband’s wound; if he made sure his husband’s blood could not be used to heal them. He has become the destroyer they so badly wanted. 

Prince Perseus Jackson falls to his knees, at the symphony of a princess’s screech. And as he looks to his side, his fingers find the cool hand of Jason Grace. The sky is a lover’s blue. He closes his eyes. He finds his husband amongst the dead. And ever so slowly, the colosseum starts to crumble. For the blood from his wound seeps into the cracks running rivers of their own, and eats at the stone that holds the people, the power, the world. He has become his father. His mind is fill of his own stories, just like his mother. He feels the cold band on his husband’s finger. He becomes life.

We’ll never get free// lamb to the slaughter// what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water

The walls behind her turn to dust in slow motion. She sees particles fall, land at her feet in never-ending waterfalls. Her gaze tilts to the sky where she half expects to find it raining blue, as if the whole world would collapse on top of them. She can hear the screaming, she doesn’t known if it’s joy or fear. Sh doesn’t know if anyone has realised what’s just happened, if they know the true extent of her failure. 

“PIPER!” That voice is so far away, but it is one she recognizes. One she has loved since she was left on a lover’s bench ten years prior. “We have to go, we have to stop it from reaching the water.”

A pale hand gestures in front of her, to the crimson rivers speeding across the ground. They are the prettiest canals she’s ever seen. She wants to— 

“PIPER,” The time for shock has gone, and in it’s place is a violent need to save herself, to be saved. “We have to get out of here, this whole place is going to come down.”

When she looks to Annabeth, grey eyes bright with fear, she is struck with feeling so deep she fears she may drown. It wouldn't’ matter; she’ll be dead before she gets to submerge.

“My people,” Her voice is loud, blessedly steady, as she surveys the uneasy crowd who are only now noticing the red brooks bubbling up to meet them. “We must leave here at once. The colosseum is no longer safe. I urge you to go home to your famililes, to pack important things and make your way as far from the oceans and rivers as possible. Danger is here, and it is not a force we can fight.”

A thousand eyes look at her, emotions blatant on their faces ranging from denial, to anger, to fear, to the worst of them all, resignation. Those are the ones, she knows, who have lived through this before, in some way or the other. Whether in a past life, or the echo of their current one through stories carried down.

The ground underneath them shakes, making their feet stumble, their legs quiver. It is laughing at them, at the idea that they can escape this destruction. It has done this a thousand times before, it will do it a thousand more. The end has never been about them. They cannot escape it, no matter where they run, how hard they pray. And people are. Praying. They don’t know it is their gods who order this. Their gods who have no care for the lives of them when they can create a million more. In the end they are pawns to an endless game of chess. The first to be discarded, despite how hard they fight to prove useful. And Jason, her lover’s brother, and Perseus, her own ex lover, are soldiers sent to do their duty. Pawns themselves, maybe knights. But gods they have never been, and gods they will never become.

Annabeth’s hand is warm in hers as they race to their death. Her blonde curls fly behind her and Piper thinks it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. And then the princess looks to her and she changes her mind. With each glance, each step, each squeeze of their skin, she changes and changes and changes. Until the beauty cannot be pinned to a single thing, until it is a tapestry continuously incomplete, of all the features that make up her love. If she— when, when she dies she will do it with this image in her mind.

And then they’re at the river, the one that feeds her kingdom, the one that runs into to the forest and branches to the five other kingdoms, before feeding into Perseus’s own and out to the ocean. There is no red tainting it’s glistening blue. They have time, maybe, just maybe they have time to save the only home they have ever known, the only one they ever will. 

We’ll never get free// lamb to the slaughter// what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water

Quickly, with a haste she has never seen, Annabeth pulls a single match from her pocket.

“Will you grant me permission, my love?” Her princess nods to the little stick.

There is only one way to stop a stream from turning towards a river. She nods. “For the kingdoms.”

“For the kingdoms.” The blonde echoes. She strikes the match.

Sunshine yellow flame bursts from the small head, and as it settles it turns orange, blue, goes back to yellow. Annabeth lets it fall to the floor.

And they both watch, flames dancing in their eyes, as the little match catches a dry leaf, which catches dry wood, which catches, and catches, and catches.

They clasp hands, look at each other. Piper runs a finger down a freckled cheek, skin already so warm from the blaze before them.

“Let us live.” Her princess whispers.

They jump into the river. The forest burns to an inferno behind them.

But there, trickling slowly, as if it has all the time in the world, is a single stream of blood. It creeps through the forest, turning already charring soil to nothing. The fire jumps over it, around it, beyond it. The fire does not stop it. 

A single drop of blood catches on a shard of blackened stick, once a match, and as the wind blows it carries the wood over over over. It lands in the river. The stick floats away. The blood spreads wide.

And two princesses, still hand in hand, frantically swimming for their life, start to crumble to ash, like the forest they had left to burn.

We’ll never get free// lamb to the slaughter// what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water

Perseus Jackson opens his eyes to sky blue, ice blue, saviour blue. And he cannot help but smile.

“Where have you been, my love?”

“Just had to take care of some things before i could join you.” He reaches up a hand to caress a golden cheek, warm and reddening under his touch.

“Are we finally free?” That voice is so soft, full of angled hope.

“Till the next time.” He sees that hope startle and shape before him, as if it can bend to fit around steeled will.

“What shall we do while we wait?”

“As long as we are together,” He brushes back a lock of gold. “It does not matter to me.”

“Might i suggest, staying here for the next decade at the very least?” A laughing reply, one that heats him to his bones.

“Your wish,” His green eyes sparkle dangerously, deliciously, “Is my salvation.”

“Wicked, wicked being.” Lips find his, press to him. It is so familiar, and somehow new all at once. As if the shadows they are made from need to get used to the light within them once more. As if they have not done this for a millennia, longer. 

“I cannot help it when i’m with you.”

“And you are always with me,” Those blue eyes set him on fire.

“Yes,” He says simply. He touches the golden chest, the heart within. His heart.

“What shall we be in the next life?” The question is soft against his skin, raising bumps across his arms.

“I think i shall be a painter,” He muses, lips falling to a shoulder. They trace their way up, catching on collarbones and the crook of a neck, and the dimple behind an ear. “And you, my sweet? How do you intend for us to meet?”

“I think i shall like to be your nude model.” That grin is enough to cause a flush through his form.

“And who will be our heroes?”

“The queen of course.” The blonde’s voice gets conspiratorially low, “I’m her favourite servant you see, and she cannot bear the idea of anyone else seeing me naked.”

He cannot hold in his laughter, the mind of his other half an endless stream of amusement. “And how do we intend to end it this time?”

“That’s up to you dear one.” The being curled into him smiles, “I can only heal, and you know i will only heal you.”

“You make me such a villian.” His expression is violent, and beautiful, so so beautiful.

“We have never been anything else.” 

He stares into the face of eternal love and is struck by the thought that it is all for him, that it has only ever been for him. He cradles a golden face in his hand, and with a deep unhurried breath, kisses Jason.

For the infinite time in his endless life, Perseus tastes fire.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tags (if you want to be added to/ taken off the tag list just let me know, all my channels of communication are open):

@nishlicious-01 : to Nish for loving this fic harder than anyone, and for loving me harder still.

@queen-of-demons-and-hell : to Gretch for always being there even though were many countries, and many timezones apart

@leyontheway : to Ley for the endless and unwavering support and for making me smile no matter what

@sparkythunderstorm : to Lily for the continuous love and the wonderful comments

@comradefurudate : to avatar for the hilarious interactions and for loving this the way you did. Your comments made my day.

@aalikun : to ali for the theories and the comments that made me smile so hard my cheeks hurt

to A : you don’t have a tumblr account but you asked if you could read one of my fanfics and i sent you this one and you sent me back a 3 minute long voice note telling me every reason you loved it and i cannot begin to explain to you how much it means to me. i listen to the vn all the time. i love you.

and to every single one of you who liked, and/or commented on this fic: you are special to me in every way that matters and i think about you all the time.

[septicstories]

A/N: For some unfathomable reason, I get some fantasy BNHA vibe from the song, Ophelia by the Lumineers. not even the lyrics. Like, the instrumental. It also, for some reason, gives me such an intense feeling of nostalgia that it sort of makes me want to cry? And I don’t know why? Actually wait. Seeing that this song is from the same guys who performed “Ho Hey” that makes a bunch of sense. Okay, anyways, I’m just gonna write a Kiribaku fantasy thing. Just some fluff, nothing super major.

I, I, when I was younger

“Kacchan! Quit running off! Your mother is bound to be worried sick!”

“Shut up, Deku! I’m gonna be fucking fine! C’mon!”

“Kacchan!”

The two young boys ran through the forests. Katsuki had recently turned twelve, given his first sword. Nothing fancy, just a small cutlass. In a week, he’d get his very first tattoo. But only if he collected an animal’s blood. 

Easiest way to do that?

Kill it and bring it back to his village.

I, I, should have known better

“Uh, Kacchan? Do you see that?” the younger green haired boy asked.

Katsuki glanced in the direction, seeing that there was a pair of bright red wings popping out of the bushes.

“Is that a dragon?” the green haired boy whispered.

“No one’s ever had dragon blood for their tattoo before!” Katsuki whispered back with a feral grin.

The grin was odd and misshapen, something he didn’t do often. It hadn’t quite grown on the ash blond yet.

“Oi! Dragon! Show yourself!”

Katsuki took his cutlass, slicing through the bush. As the leaves and branches from the bush fell, the front of the dragon was revealed.

And I can't feel no remorse

A black haired boy looked up at him with big red eyes. A pair of horns protruded from his forehead, their base a bright red. A tail stuck out of the other side of the bush, also bright red.

“Sorry! No hurt, please,”

Katsuki dropped his cutlass to the ground.

A dragon shifter.

They were a rare species, only two thousand known in the world throughout time. 

“Are you hurt?” the green haired boy popped up beside Katsuki.

“Uh... wings. Stuck. Help?”

“Come with me afterward,” Katsuki said firmly.

“Huh?! Kacchan?! What are you doing?”

“Shut the fuck up, Deku,”

The boys freed the dragon shifter before Katsuki led him back to his parent’s castle.

“Oi, hag! Bring us a medic!” Katsuki yelled into the castle, kicking a door open.

“For fuck’s sake, Katsuki! Did you hurt Izuku aga--”

Queen Mitsuki entered the room, ready to whoop her son’s ass, only to find her son and the boy she called her nephew in perfect health. A third boy with dragon wings, scales, and horns, however, was not.

“Oh. Uhm... hello,” she said calmly.

The dragon boy gave a bow as Mitsuki called for a few medics.

And you don't feel nothing back

“Kacchan, it’s so weird for you to help someone like that. What about your tattoo?”

“Dumbass. Don’t you know that dragon shifters are a rare species? If I fucking killed one, I’d die, for sure. I’d be hunted down. And it felt... different. Like I couldn’t kill them, even if they weren’t a dragon shifter. I... they feel different,”

Katsuki sat outside of the infirmary where the dragon boy stayed.

Behind the door, the shifter had sat, listening. That was something he was good at. Listening. He didn’t know what most of it meant. He didn’t speak their language. Hell, he rarely spoke.

But hearing what the ash blond boy had to say made him feel weird. His tail thumped against the cot he sat on, a happy chirp leaving his mouth.

When Katsuki came back to see the dragon shifter, he was pounced on, happy chirping noises escaping his mouth. 

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Master! Teach fight!”

“What?! Master?”

“You save me. I stay until I save,”

Katsuki sat there, baffled. A dragon shifter wants to be his? And a cute one at that?

“So, you wanna know how to fight, huh?”

I, I, got a new girlfriend

“No fucking way, really?” Katsuki was snapped from his memories by Sero gawking at the drunken purple haired bard.

“Mhm! She’s super duper pretty,” she slurred happily. “She’s a princess!”

“Congrats!” Mina, the pink haired barkeep said with a smile.

“Oh, it’s Princess Yaoyorozu, right?” Tenya asked, sipping lightly from his glass of wine.

“Mhm! Momo is so great,” Jirou beamed.

Katsuki rolled his eyes, scoffing at Jirou’s words.

She feels like he's on top

The dragon prince-- no, king-- had changed greatly since he met the dragon shifter, Eijirou.

Katsuki’s original kingdom was attacked, his family and his people killed. It was bloody and traumatizing. He actually needed saving from Eijirou.

But he never left.

And I don't feel no remorse

“Oh! Katsuki!” Eijirou tugged on the king’s cape. “Look! Miss Frog brought her wife!”

He looked behind the bar to see Ochaco and Tsuyu, smiling sweetly at each other.

“Get a room!”

Denki and Sero laughed beside Katsuki before Ochaco flipped him off.

And you can't see past my blinders

“Ochaco, relax, kero,” Tsuyu mumbled.

“Yeah, Katsu’s just jealous that he can’t have what we have,” Ochaco said with a smile, pressing a kiss to her girlfriend’s nose.

“You want to be a lesbian?” Eijirou whispered to Katsuki, who choked on his brandy.

Eijirou frantically waved his hands. “Sorry! Hurt?”

Whenever Eijirou found himself flustered or speaking quickly, his speech would go back to the broken language he used when he was a child. It got his point across, it just wasn’t the most eloquent.

Oh, Ophelia

“I’m fine, shitty lizard,” he mumbled. “No, I don’t want to be a lesbian. I don’t like women. I would just want to date someone and... be happy with them, you know?”

“Oh! Dragons do that! We bite the neck of our mate, give our mate a mark!”

“What, some sort of binding mark?”

Eijirou nodded happily, a small chirp leaving his throat.

You've been on my mind girl since the flood

“Why hasn’t Ei gotten drunk?” Mina asked.

“Dragons don’t drink. Alcohol to them is like feeding chocolate to a dog,” Katsuki scoffed. “Figure you would’ve fucking known that since he’s declined your alcohol consistently for the past several years,”

“Mhm! Alcohol killed my family,” Eijirou said with a soft smile.

“Oh,” Denki murmured.

After the sudden dark turn, it was quiet. But only for a moment.

“Hi, Kacchan!”

Katsuki rolled his eyes, turning to the green haired boy, who had Prince Shouto walking behind him.

“Done fucking the prince yet? Or are you still his spite boyfriend?” Katsuki snarled.

“How dare y--” “Shou, it’s okay,”

“Ah? Having the lapdog shush the prince? Doesn’t that deserve some sort of punishment?” 

The shit eating grin on Katsuki’s face grew as Izuku’s face flushed at the word.

“Don’t be rude,” Eijirou hissed, smacking Katsuki’s shoulder. “Sorry for Katsuki. He is drunk.”

Oh, Ophelia

“Ah, it’s alright, Eijirou!” Izuku said with a grin.

“The master disobeying his dragon? Doesn’t that deserve some sort of punishment?” Shouto asked, giving a smug ass grin.

Katsuki’s grip on his glass tightened, the glass making a creaking noise.

“Shou!”

“What does he mean by that? I did not do anything wrong, did I? Did I go against a human rule again?” Eijirou whispered.

“No, Prince Shouto’s just being an asshole,” Katsuki mumbled.

“Stop being mean!” Eijirou said before pouting a little. “You’re better than that,”

Katsuki felt his heart clench at his oddly adorable dragon servant.

Actually, was servant the word to use? He didn’t feel as though Eijirou was his servant or inferior to him. Much more like a friend. 

One day, hopefully more.

Katsuki groaned, smacking his head with the heel of his palm. He needed to stop thinking like that. Eijirou would be a friend and nothing more.

Heaven help a fool who falls in love

So maybe Katsuki did end up falling in love with his dragon shifter friend. What did it matter?

He wasn’t going to act on his urges to kiss him, hold him, tell him he loved him- no! That’s preposterous! 

From time to time, he wonders what his mother would think of him if she saw him now:

Sitting in a bar as a dragon king, making fun of the prince of another kingdom, sitting beside his dragon shifter friend who he also held high affection for.

He was fucked, wasn’t he?

“Why did you hit yourself? Was there an insect? I could have gotten it for you,” Eijirou asked.

“You are not eating a fucking insect off my head again,”

“It was one time!”

“One time too many!”

I, I, got a little paycheck

“Anyway, Katsuki, we didn’t come here to hear endless innuendos,” Shouto sighed, pulling out a silken sack.

It jingled happily as it was dropped in front of Katsuki.

“We came here for the--”

“Yeah yeah, you came here for the head of that beast. I know. Ei, you got the satchel?”

“Right here!” Eijirou said, holding the heavy satchel, dripping in black blood. “The head is in a bag inside of the satchel. So grab the bag inside. Do not wear white gloves, I suggest black as that is the color of their blood,”

“Thank you, Eijirou,” Izuku said, giving a quick bow as he replaced his white gloves for black ones.

Katsuki was handed the sack and he popped it open.

“Ei, coin toss,” he growled, taking a golden coin and flicking it behind me.

Coin toss is what they’ve done to see if the money is genuine. Katsuki toss a coin behind him, Eijirou nibbles on it for a second, and then he gives it back if it’s good. If it’s bad, he eats it.

If he eats even a single coin, he has Katsuki’s permission to beat the shit out of them.

You got big plans and you gotta move

“Must you do this every time?” Shouto asked

“What, you give us a shit coin?” Katsuki asked, flipping Eijirou the next coin.

“No’ ye’,” Eijirou said, catching the coin between his teeth. “All solid,”

“Good. And yes, we fucking do, asshole,” Katsuki scoffed. “You could scam us out, and we’d have to kill ya for it,”

“Be nishe, Katshuki!” Eijirou said before slipping the coin out of his mouth.

And I don't feel nothing at all

“Hey guys, we’re gonna go head toward the inn! Heard they had a bonfire going! We also need to drop off our horses,” Sero said with his signature grin.

“Yeah, yeah,” Katsuki scoffed.

After quickly checking the rest of the coins and making sure they were genuine, Katsuki closed the silken sack.

“Thanks,” he grumbled out.

“Sure thing, Kacchan! It was a pleasure to work with you!”

“Fuck off!”

And you can't feel nothing small

“Hey, Katsuki?”

“What is it?” Katsuki asked, turning to Eijirou.

“I want to show you a place,”

“Oh yeah?” Katsuki had a smirk cross his face. “Where to, Shitty Lizard?”

“Come with me!”

Eijirou and Katsuki left the bar, leaving a few gold coins with small dents in them on the counter.

Eijirou stood behind the building, removing his clothing as not to rip them before Katsuki placed them in the satchel.

A few moments later, the redheaded hybrid became a full dragon, and the two tore up into the sky at vicious speeds.

But once they were over the clouds, Eijirou slowed to a glide.

“Nice job on speed. Doing better,”

A deep rumbling chirp came from Eijirou as they continued to soar above the clouds, Katsuki relaxing happily on Eijirou’s back.

Honey I love you, that's all she wrote

The duo began their descent, landing at the base of a mountain as Eijirou shifted back.

“So, what did you want to show me?” Katsuki asked, handing Eijirou his clothing.

“Top of the mountain,” Eijirou said, yanking on his clothes.

Katsuki blinked for a moment. “Then why the hell didn’t you fly us up there?”

“The path there is very pretty too,” Eijirou said, making Katsuki huff.

“Fine. Whatever. Let’s fucking go,”

Oh, Ophelia

The boys began their hike up the mountain. Nothing too rigorous, but still harder than a simple walk. Not like the two minded, though. They’ve grown used to things that take up far more energy than a hike.

“So, where exactly did you bring me?” Katsuki asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Oh, we are climbing up a mountain. I cannot remember the name at the moment, so my apologies,” Eijirou chuckled, tugging at his scarf a tad.

“Fucking great. Any sort of civilization nearby?”

“Uhm... I believe there is a village that sits on the shore,”

You've been on my mind girl like a drug

Katsuki put a finger in his mouth, and after a moment, he pulled it out and held it to the sky.

The light breeze hit his wet finger tip, only a small part of it being cold.

“We in the East?”

After a moment, Eijirou nodded.

“Yes, yes!”

“And there’s a village by the water?”

Oh, Ophelia

“Yes, you will see it once we reach the top!” Eijirou chirped.

“So does the name Tuft Mountain ring any bells?”

“Oh, yes, yes!”

“And you wanted to show me the peak of Tuft?”

“Mhm!”

Heaven help a fool who falls in love

Katsuki knew what Eijirou was doing.

Anyone with half a damn brain cell knew what he was doing.

Oh, Ophelia

“YOU’RE FUCKING TAKING ME TO LOVER’S POND?!”

You've been on my mind girl since the flood

“Hush, hush! You’ll disturb the wildlife!” Eijirou said, thankful for the dark of the night that covered his flushed face.

The two reached the peak, and Katsuki’s eyes widened.

Oh, Ophelia

The pond was surrounded by gorgeous flowers and other wild grasses, waving in the breeze nonchalantly.

Fireflies dotted the sky, their little lights glowing up against the water’s surface.

The pond itself was an irregular heart shape, yet it was naturally formed.

Heaven help a fool who falls in love

Legend says that those who sit at one side of the pond will have their soulmate appear at the other side.

This could take minutes, hours, days, months, weeks, even years.

The pond is for those who are willing to wait for their soulmate.

Oh, Ophelia

Eijirou went and sat at one end of the pond, and waited.

Katsuki felt a tug.

You've been on my mind girl like a drug

As though he was being forced closer to the pond.

His head foggy and walk awkward, his body slowly made it’s way to the other side of the pond.

Oh, Ophelia

The two boys gawked at each other, vermilion and scarlet eyes locking, jaws dropping.

Katsuki knew what had just happened and knew what he’d done, but he hadn’t felt as though he was in control of himself.

A smile bloomed on Eijirou’s face.

He covered his mouth with his hands as tears clumped up in his lashes.

His tail thumped on the ground, wings beating, and sobbing chirps of joy escaping his mouth.

Katsuki felt his eyes water as well as he grinned.

Heaven help a fool who falls in love

A/N: Okay! Thank you so much for reading this! I sincerely hope you enjoyed it! I just get sudden impulses to write, so I do, and then you get this. Ooh! I’ve also never done this before, but I’m gonna start a tag list! I’ll do this for every story! I’ve only got one person and my beta readers, but feel free to ask to be on the tag list! You’ll get a notif for any oneshot I post! Or story! If you want to see my artwork, then please make that specification. So I’ll tag you in both or one or the other. Okay? Okay!

Tag list: @king-queenie, @violet-fandom, @siivermoon​,

Okay! That’s all! Thank you!

[authorjoydragon]

Joy! I saw this question and it made me curious about your dunebabies... Which dunebabies prefer Toph, which prefer Aang? And who are their fav siblings? Many thanks my friend, sorry for my tardiness :)

Sorry this took me so long my mind has been in the gutter due to the NSFW prompts LOL. Time for a FLUFF BREAK!

Oh this is an interesting question!! God why did I make EIGHT dunebabies shit fcuk-

Bumi is honestly a true neutral. He admires both of his parents immensely, and spent a lot of time training with both of them! He loves his air nomad heritage, even if he’s an earth bender. He’s basically everyone’s favorite sibling, mostly because he was a constant in their life and always a voice of reason and unconditional support. (He’d say he doesn’t have a favorite sibling, but it’s definitely Tasha.)

Gyatso won’t admit it but Baba is his favorite. They’re just so alike- they think the same way, so they are just naturally really close. Not to mention he was the first airbending son and had a lot of time training with Baba. Him and Bumi are also really close, because they were so close in age and had to watch the other kids together a lot. He also bonded a lot with his younger sister Tasha with the pressure of being the new air benders.

Tasha is the absolute sweetest. She clung to Mama a lot when she was young, but she would say she loves her parents equally. Even if her personality is more similar to Aang’s, she’s a Mama’s girl. Out of her siblings, she’s usually always with Gyatso. Air heads gotta stick together. (As you can see, the oldest three are very close.)

Rimi may look like Aang, but that’s about all she got from him, besides perhaps insane skill (which could also be from Toph so who knows). She doesn’t need bending to kick your ass. It’s maybe perhaps that she is so similar to Toph that they actually bash heads a lot. Rimi likes to go to Baba to talk things out when Mama upsets her. If Baba isn’t there she goes to Bumi. She doesn’t like showing that she’s upset, but Bumi never makes fun of her.

Kusa is the carbon copy of Toph, and she loves her Mama to pieces. Baba is super fun though... so she can’t make up her mind. She adores Rimi to the moon and back.

For Nishe and Raanzin... they are total opposites. While Raanzin is calm and quiet, Nishe is a wild troublemaker. Raanzin enjoys sitting with Baba in the early morning hours for some peace and quiet, even if he’s not an air bender, Baba says he’s got the spirit of one. He really just tolerates his siblings. Nishe would say both her parents are mean to her and always telling her to do something. Toph and Aang argue where she gets her troublemaker genes from. (It’s both of them.) She likes Mama a little more only because she lets her gets away with more. Her favorite is Gyatso because she can usually get him to go along with her pranks (sometimes Rimi and Kusa can be talked into it too). Bumi always puts a stop to them though. Loser.

Suhn is so much younger than the rest, so he’s almost always strapped to Baba’s back while he’s running after the other kids. He loves Baba. He’s a very quiet kid, and he gets along best with Tasha and Raanzin. Tasha is ten years older than him, so she loves to toddle him around with her and is excited to have a younger sibling to help learn their air bending.

Thanks for the ask stitch! Keep sending me asks about these dunebabies I love building their characters! 💛 I’ll write that Beifong Family Chaos Fic one of these days...

[midnightwings-n]

Tag game - about me

I was tagged by @chocolatecakecas to do this fun little tag game 😊 thanks!

Nickname: Nish (like "neesh") My name is already sort of short ish, haha. People mostly call me Nisha though

Zodiac: pisces

Height: almost 5'4″ lol

Last thing I googled: literally the convention on writing out height in feet/inches for which one has the ' and which has the " 

Song stuck in my head: Palm Dreams by Hayley Kiyoko

Amount of sleep: last night, uh...3 and a half ish hours...because I was on ao3. But usually, 6-7 ish hours. I'm barely functional on less than 5 (like I used to be [undergrad days were the best/worst times] lol). But weekends...getting out of bed before noon is extremely rare

Lucky number: 16. My birthday number, very basic of me

Favorite song: I am physically incapable of answering this question

Favorite instrument: guitar maybe - can’t play it, but love how guitars sound in different ways. My flute abilities are long gone

Dream job: something like a data scientist in public health that requires an MPH, but that actually pays money. That was my main factor in not getting an MPH even though the subjects are extremely up my alley. But I also like money so 🤷‍♀️

Aesthetic: comfy jeans, neutral color top, ankle boots, just vibing, chocolate desserts, tattoo(s)

Favorite author: honestly I don’t know. I had a Ruth Ware phase most recently, so let’s go with her

Favorite animal noises: cats meowing, cats purring - including big cats

Random: I only wanted to come back into fandom for the week of the supernatural finale really...but obviously can’t miss all the drama so here I am lol. It’s been nice to get into something other than real-life problems/2020

Tagging if you would potentially like to participate 😃: @magooboo, @sackstiel; @thesafeplace; @stopbeingoffened; @akahimekun 

[panelshowsource]

Miles Jupp is telling a story so awkward, it could have come straight from the book of Very British Problems.

“I went to a restaurant last night, and the man was talking about people who’d been in and he said: ‘You’re an actor, aren’t you? What’s your name?’ But my natural voice is basically a mumble and I am incapable of saying ‘Miles’. I have to say: ‘Erm, Miles.’ He said, ‘Sorry, what is it?’ I said again: ‘Erm, Miles.’ He said: ‘Emmaus?’ And so I said yes.

“When I left, he said: ‘Nice to meet you, Emmaus.’” Jupp looks stricken. “Why would you want to say your own name quite loudly in a restaurant?”

It’s not difficult to see why Jupp is about to star in the West End as David Tomlinson, the man beloved by generations as George Banks in Mary Poppins. The play, The Life I Lead, is written by James Kettle, who has described Tomlinson as representing “a certain kind of vanished Englishness”. Jupp is perfect casting.

He is familiar to Radio 4 listeners as chair of The News Quiz, a job he made the surprise decision to leave this year, and to stand-up audiences after two decades on the circuit. Television viewers may know him as Cousin Basil in The Durrells, Nigel the lay reader in Rev, and press officer John Duggan in The Thick Of It, performances which saw him running the ‘Englishman’ gamut from cheerily bumbling to uptight to utterly confident in one’s own abilities despite not possessing any.

The Life I Lead is a one-man play which explores Tomlinson’s personal life. The actor endured the tragedy of his first wife’s suicide, the trauma of finding out that his father had for years maintained a secret second family – a discovery made by chance one day when Tomlinson’s brother looked out of a bus window to see his father sitting in another house – and the challenge of raising a son with autism at a time when the condition was little understood.

This is not, though, one of those plays about the tortured genius behind the laughter. “No, and actually I think he was sort of untortured, although he experienced great sadness,” Jupp says. “You might associate people of that generation with the stiff-upper-lip thing, but he faced his difficulties head-on. I think he made an effort to be jolly, but not in a denial way – just that you can be jolly if you choose to be.”

Tomlinson, who died in 2000, belongs to another era: “There’s a certain sort of old-fashionedness about him.” Some interviewers have attributed a fogeyish bent to Jupp, who turned 40 this month, but actually he is not like that at all. He chats animatedly about Britpop and the time he went to the Smash Hits Poll Winners’ Party.

Perhaps it’s the voice. Jupp is not screamingly posh, but he is well-spoken. “I suppose if you asked people who weren’t British, ‘What are British people like?’, they might describe someone who was a bit like me. I know I seem posh. And I sort of don’t mind that, really. Because none of that’s up to you anyway, it’s just a thing you’re given, and pretending you’re not like you are seems to be slightly odd behaviour.”

He found a berth on that most middle-class of stations, BBC Radio 4, succeeding Sandi Toksvig as host of The News Quiz in 2015. It was “a great job”, he says.

So why quit? It turns out there were several reasons. “If you’re in charge of something, it’s not as fun as being on it,” he admits. “There’s a certain amount of information you have to get across. You have to pretend to have opinions about things that you have no opinions on whatsoever, and you have to pretend not to have opinions about things that you do have opinions on. So you end up in a slight kind of flux.”

He worried that chairing duties meant he was “not being terrible creative. If you watch someone like Nish [Kumar] on The Mash Report or John Oliver, sitting behind a desk talking about the news and making jokes, you think: ‘That is what they really want to be doing.’ And if I’d hear myself, I’d think: ‘Well, I sound like someone who happens to be hosting the The News Quiz…’ So from about three years, I thought I’ll probably stop.”

The news cycle got pretty wearing: “The same topics came up rather often, and I’d think: ‘Am I saying the same words in a different order?’”

The death of longtime regular Jeremy Hardy was another factor. “Once I knew Jeremy was so unwell, I didn’t really like the idea of doing the show as he wouldn’t be in it any more. Every now and then, a recording would find itself going down this cul-de-sac, and you’d think ‘I know what this evening needs…’, and there’s no way it can happen.”

As for criticism that The News Quiz was too Left-wing, Jupp brushes it off: “Who is sitting at home thinking, right, I’m about to be told facts for 30 minutes solid? To worry about [bias] means to not credit the audience and listenership with a great deal of intelligence.”

He shrugs: “In terms of political balance, I was never really bothered about it because that’s not the job of that programme. It’s just jokes.”

Now he is off the show and free to talk about his own politics. So, is he a Tory? “No, I am absolutely not a Tory. I’ve never, ever put a cross in that box.” That’s not to say he’s a Jeremy Corbyn fan, either. He imagines their conversation: “I’m happy to vote for you, but can you just tell me – it doesn’t have to be an essay – what it is that I’m voting for? Can you just say vaguely what it is you actually think?”

Jupp also says he left The News Quiz because he wanted to spend time with his family, which from a politician would sound like a lie but from a man with five children sounds eminently reasonable.

He lives in Monmouth with his wife, Rachel, whom he met at university in Edinburgh (a period when he also found fame as Archie in the BBC children’s show Balamory). Their eldest is now 10, the youngest four, with an eight-year-old and seven-year-old twins in between. I imagine the logistics are quite something.

“The rules of my local leisure centre make it possible for me to take four children swimming at a time, and we do that without much difficulty. It’s as difficult sometimes as people imagine, and as fun sometimes as people imagine. But you do have to have a f------ big car.”

What of the Duke of Sussex’s recent pronouncement about having only two children to save the planet? “Is that what he thinks? Um, well, it’s a bit late really… we’ll try and offset it somehow. I’ll get them to wear solar backpacks.”

Jupp has heard the environmental argument many times. “If I had a herd of cows, would you be saying to me: ‘Hmm, now, you must have heard that cows are quite bad for the environment.’” He’s giggling now. “If you interviewed a Formula One driver, would you say, ‘You know, it’s actually better to drive a little bit slower just in terms of fuel efficiency…’?’

Rather than the weekly travel that The News Quiz entailed, he now plans to spend longer stretches at home. And to concentrate on acting and writing. He is working on a novel about a man in his 30s who is disillusioned with his job – no, not presenting The News Quiz, but teaching. And he would love to take The Life I Lead to the US.

“You could do it in America, on the East Coast or the West Coast. Or Des Moines.” Then he checks himself. “I mean, I’m totally flying kites here. The producer may well be reading this and thinking: ‘Um, no. This is definitely the last time he’s doing it.’”

[mynameisjeffers]

14/11/2022

        Sweet Jesus it’s time for my once a year blog post lmao. I’m currently sat at HOME in Bristol, listening to Sincerity is Scary, by The 1975. Eli is next to me, I think they’re watching some crappy Dwayne Johnson film on Netflix.

        Trying to think about what’s happened since my last post, an awful lot of everything with a whole load of nothing thrown in too! I’m still at uni, though I’m in the middle of repeating a year. I got behind with my work, missed some important deadlines. I managed to get extensions but surprise surprise I missed those too, so I’ve had to repeat a year. I’ll now be 31 when I graduate, I started studying at 26 for Christ sake! 

        Last year, as part of an assignment, I was part of a small group that made a short film. We were given scripts by students that had graduated, and had to shoot it. The script we got was cool. It was about a date that was actually a set up by the Protagonist, she knew that the Antagonist was a murderer and overall scumbag. We shot the film at my pub, The Kings Head, which was super stressful. Ideally when shooting a film, the set needs to be deathly silent, but that meant filming at like 11:30, earliest. Which would then keep the managers there suuuuper late... So we went with what we could. So timing was an issue. Then there was the over-inflated ego’s of the Producer and Director. I thought I had a really good relationship with the Director, he was on all of my modules and we always had good fun, but the role just went to his head. He thought he knew best and didn’t want to take any sort of input from ANYONE, even though it was a GROUP project. It resulted in the film being rushed, and scenes being chopped together with no real fluidity. It’s displayed in the final edit too, someone will be sat down in one shot, stood up in the next, then sat down again? It was all just a mess. However, when the Director sent me the edited video, for me to then edit the sound files and marry them up, once completed I did feel a sense of pride about it.  Yes it was disjointed and yes it was extremely amateur, but it was the first film I’ve ever been a part of making. I guess I do look back at it with some sense of joy..

        Another project I did during last year of uni was screenwriting, we were told to write a script for a short film OR pilot episode of a TV series. I opted for a pilot show, over the dozens of uni assignments I’ve completed now, this was easily my favourite. The inspiration for my script came from me thinking what is my worst case scenario of the next 10 years of my life. The resulting script ended up being quite dark, naturally, with a man who works a dead end job, having completed nothing with his life, relationships fallen apart and nothing going for him. But honestly, I was super proud of how it came out! It’s one of the few uni assignments I’ve ended up continuing after the deadline, I’m going to write the whole season out - 7 episodes - just for my own fun!

        What else has been going on... OOO I’ve been talking with a girl. It’s so weird, me and Nish were playing Apex with some randoms and she joined. We had a great night enjoying the fact we didn’t have an absolute toxic twat for a team mate, added each other on Discord and that was that! Then out of the blue a few weeks ago she messaged me asking if I still played. From then we haven’t stopped talking. It’s so strange but I feel such a connection to this person, someone who I’m yet to meet in real life, but I’ve felt I’ve known her for so long. After feeling invisible for so long I’m starting to feel seen, acknowledged again. I really REALLY hope this grows into something more man, she’s lowkey my dream girl tbh.

[erhiem]

TV review as Nish Kumar’s topical show finds a new home on Dave

Looks like it never went away… After being dumped by the BBC as a move to appease Conservative critics, The Mash Report has resurfaced on Dave with a new name, Late Night Mash . Of course, the irony is that Dave’s parent company, UKTV, is wholly owned by BBC Studios.

Aside from the new graphics and a slightly different set up, almost everything was the same, from the rent to the newsdesk, Rachel Parris being the best thing at it.

In his opening monologue, host Nish Kumar begins the episode by joking about the cancellation controversy: ‘Like the Taliban, despite popular demand, we are back.

Yes, that’s right, I am Nish Kumar and I was canceled by BBC. And like everyone else who’s been “canceled,” I’ve got a new television show on a different channel and I’m more untraceable than ever. Think of me as Brown Lawrence Fox, not because we are similar but mainly because I think he would really hate her.’

Fox replied on Twitter this morning, ‘So happy to mention you in my first monologue, my brother from another mother!’

But you might be able to detect a hint of sarcasm, as Awakened Anti-Warrior said: ‘I hope this show is as successful as your previous show. Which I am sure it will be.’ This is followed by an emoji with folded hands praying.

Kumar’s jokes about his new home continued with remarks that the BBC usually shows Dave ‘without first canceling’ – before referring to the broadcaster losing Taskmaster. “We are really looking forward to making this show a success on Dave, which means I am coming to Channel 4 in two years,” he said.

And later, Paris, above, read a fake tweet that read: ‘Congratulations on Dave’s move from the BBC. I recently got divorced and moved out of the family home to bedsit. You get used to it.’

Otherwise business went on as normal, which is either good news or disappointing, depending on your view of the original. Or, let’s face it, your voting intentions.

But Late Night Mash faces an uphill battle on two fronts. First, trying to be sarcastic about a government that is really beyond satire, seeing as how incompetence has become commonplace. When any litany of ministerial failures committed every week has no results, it seems impotent to point them out with a raised eyebrow.

The other left is leaving Twitter behind. Most of the attitudes and opinions seen on last night’s show have been filling their target audience timelines for months, fueled by the fact that there’s been a year’s worth of news since the last BBC episode. But at times, last night’s installment felt like another echo chamber as it followed a news agenda of Brexit-extreme food shortages, football fans protesting players for taking a knee, or Dominic Raab. In the absence of Kabul had fallen.

In such cases, Kumar can come across as smug, especially in his mid-show monologues that go beyond comedy. He’s aware of this fact, and downplays it a bit — there were a lot of jokes on last night’s show about him losing his virginity of late — but it’s all the more effective when Paris happily patronizes him. Makes fun of him in a tone of voice.

But even though the topics may sound familiar, the great writing team brings up some new things about them,

In any case, sarcasm doesn’t always have to haunt the establishment; It can also simply serve to vent frustrations, to reassure people that they are not alone in their frustration or anger at the state of things. And that is perhaps the strength of Late Night Mash, as a rallying point for dissent.

Even token right-winger Geoff Norcott, above, was largely in line. In one of the more amusing segments, he fails to call youth ‘wok snowflakes’ as convention dictates, instead pointing out how tough a pandemic Generation Z is… and now with added horror. that Michael Gove can turn into their nightclub.

In news headlines read by Steve Ann Allen, Ellie Taylor offers some edgy one-liners and a touch of absurdity to change the tone. The sketches they lead are sometimes poor, but kudos for getting the phrase ’30-Minute Anal Tongue’ on TV, delivered with Taylor’s perfectly articulate Queen’s English.

But in a huge editing slip, somehow the same joke was used twice without anyone noticing. Allen said in two separate bulletins, ‘Arsehol who got up before 6 a.m. and feels the need to tell everyone about it. That same editor might want to dial back the laugh track, which often felt intrusive here.

Meanwhile, the most significant change – increasing the show to an hour so as to maximize the number of commercials – was a stretch. But the success of Late Night Mash can be measured not only by how many people watch the entire show, but by the reach on social media. It is a format that is cut into short clips and hopefully goes viral.

That – as well as team politics – is probably why Late Night Mash isn’t too far from accepted wisdom. But more edge and stunning angles won’t go wrong.

• Late Night Mash is now available on UKTV Play.

review date: 3 September 2021 reviewed by: Steve Bennett

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