#it was an incomparable experience. magic.

[monotonous-minutia]

I've always like the Barbiere overture but after last night where i was able to be ON STAGE while a LIVE ORCHESTRA PLAYED IT it is now The Greatest Overture In The World

[demensrage]

l for lustful adventure ⚊ •. with shoyo hinata

summary: a fun anniversary adventure unleashes the most primitive desires between you. a lustful adventure that you are not willing to deny, there will be put into scenes what was never said between you.

cw: established relationship, dom! hinata, sub! reader, spanking, fingering, oral (m. receiving), overstimulation, unprotected, rough sex, creampie, thight riding, blindfold play.

word count: 9k 💀

© demensrage 2024. do not plagiarize, copy, repost, feed to ai, or translate my works to any other platforms.

You knew how beautiful Brazil was from the constant photos your husband had sent you, but seeing it with your own eyes is a delight that the images can’t capture. Everything looks so vibrant: the sky with an incomparable blue, the lush green plants lining the streets, and the warm sun that caresses your skin with an intensity unknown in Japan. The hustle and bustle of people, the aroma of fresh fruits and coffee floating in the air, and the contagious laughter of street vendors remind you that you’ve crossed the world to a culture where life seems to pulse in every corner.

Now you understand why Hinata had fallen in love with this place, why he spoke about it with so much emotion, why he wanted you to enjoy it too. And now you were there beside him, two weeks into your arrival, and you simply couldn’t get enough of the landscape. A few days weren’t enough to enjoy the wonders of this beautiful country, which is why it was easy to convince him to spend more time there. Your third wedding anniversary was fast approaching, and that was always a good excuse.

The first two weeks were spent enjoying São Paulo, immersing yourselves in its vibrant urban life, exploring the street art in Vila Madalena, the unmatched flavors of the Municipal Market, and the hustle and bustle of downtown. Now, you were ready for the next adventure: Rio de Janeiro. What you longed for most was to see the Christ the Redeemer statue, the imposing guardian of the city that, even in photos, seemed to convey a deep peace. You wanted to see for yourself if its grandeur was as real as it seemed.

You both decided that driving would be a great idea. This way, you could enjoy every stop for food or simply pause to admire the view. The winding road offered captivating landscapes; green mountains contrasting with the blue sky and the emerald sea that seemed to stretch endlessly. You carried your camera, ready to capture every moment and every special corner. From the small towns along the way, each with its own charm, to the street vendors offering sweets and guaraná sodas.

The trip itself was an adventure. The landscapes changed with each stretch of road, and every stop had its unique magic. Sometimes, you both would get out of the car just to feel the warm breeze or enjoy a fresh fruit bought from a roadside vendor. There was something about that road trip that made each kilometer feel like a small victory, a conquest of memories and shared experiences.

You remembered how hard it had been to stay together despite the distance. Hinata was in Brazil for his training, focused on reaching his dreams as a professional player, while you stayed in Japan, clinging to your studies, so close to finishing university that quitting wasn’t an option. The nights were especially tough; the time difference and the absence of his voice made the emptiness feel deeper.

However, you found a way to cope. Every morning, you woke up to a message from him, telling you how he woke up in Brazil, talking about his training, how the weather and the language were a constant challenge, but also his excitement about being so close to fulfilling his dreams. Sometimes, the messages came with spontaneous photos: one of him with his teammates, another of a typical Brazilian dish he was trying for the first time, or one of the urban landscape surrounding him.

For your part, you sent him pictures of the corners of the university, the notes you hated so much, and the books that seemed endless. These small routines became your refuge, reminding both of you that, although you were separated by thousands of kilometers, your lives were still shared in those little details.

All that effort, every sacrifice, and every day of waiting had been worth it. In the last game of the season, when everything was set for him to come home with you, Hinata decided to dedicate the final shot to you, sealing the victory in your name. The emotion overwhelmed you; despite the struggles to arrive on time, the flight delays, and the anxiety of a lost suitcase, you had made it just in time. The language barrier complicated everything, but nothing mattered at that moment. From the stands, your eyes met his, and in that instant, you knew he had seen you. With that unmistakable spark in his gaze, he made the shot that would define the game… and won it for you.

The stadium erupted in cheers, but for him, it wasn't enough; no, Hinata always had to celebrate in grand style. So, with his heart pounding a thousand beats per minute and emotions running high, he ran toward you in the stands, weaving through his teammates and the crowd until he reached you. He took your hand without hesitation, and, amidst applause and astonished gasps, he knelt down. "Will you marry me?" he asked, his eyes shining and a smile that disarmed you. The proposal echoed in the stadium, and in that moment, the whole world seemed to stop. You said yes, between laughter and tears, and you were the happiest woman in that crowded place because he, your Hinata, had made that victory a double one: he had won the game and also your heart forever.

Now, as you enjoyed this trip, you felt that every moment by his side was a new opportunity to create lasting memories, moments that, over the years, would fill your life with stories to tell. You were ready to enjoy his company in every stage of life, even when youth faded and the years brought new adventures.

As Hinata helped you take the bags out of the car, the golden light of the sunset wrapped everything around you, and although the city's sound was constant, you paused for a moment to absorb the view of the hotel. The horizon stretched out before you, with the sea reflecting the last rays of the sun and the mountains in the distance, like a perfect painting. You felt fortunate because this trip, like so many others to come, wasn’t just about the places you’d visit, but about what you shared on the journey.

Hinata approached you, noticing you had become still, and with a tender smile, he took your hand. "Do you like the view?" he asked, with the calmness that only he could convey. "Yes," you answered, not taking your eyes off the scene. "It's perfect. Will you take me to that bar you told me about?"

Hinata smiled at your question, his gaze lit by the sunset. "Of course, it's a special place," he said, interlacing his fingers with yours as he began walking toward the hotel. "It's close to the beach, with an incredible view, and the live music is always so good it makes you forget everything else."

The idea of sharing that place with him, enjoying the relaxed atmosphere while the sun slowly faded behind the mountains, filled you with excitement. You knew it wasn’t just the bar that made it special, but everything it represented: a little corner of the world where you both would feel even more connected, sharing laughter, conversations, and dreams.

As you walked toward the hotel entrance, you thought about how lucky you were to be there, at that moment. It didn’t matter how many places you explored; the most important thing was always being together, creating memories that would be part of your shared story.

Hearing Hinata speak Portuguese while asking for the hotel keys was a new pleasure you had just discovered. His voice, already soft and warm in Japanese, became even deeper and more resonant when he spoke this new language, as if each syllable were imbued with a warmth only he could convey.

The way his accent added a different twist to his tone made you smile unconsciously, a feeling of comfort and admiration that grew with every sentence. It was as if, by speaking Portuguese, his essence became even more charming, more connected to the land that had captured his heart at that point in his life.

You stayed there, watching him as he smiled while receiving the keys and offered you a knowing glance. "We'll be in the room soon. Would you like to rest or explore a bit more?" he asked, unaware that, by doing so, he had once again captivated you with that mix of tenderness and confidence only he could convey.

"Let’s go to that bar, I’m eager to check it out," you replied enthusiastically, taking his arm naturally as you walked together toward the elevator. The contact was warm, and the connection between you both felt as solid as ever.

"I rested a lot on the road trip," you added with a soft smile. "Unless you want to rest, of course." You turned to look at him, noticing how his eyes sparkled with that unmistakable energy that always characterized him.

Hinata laughed softly, shaking his head. "Rest? With so much to explore? Impossible," he replied, his voice tinged with excitement. "Let’s go to the bar, but promise me you'll let yourself be amazed by the night view from the beach afterward. It’s something you have to see."

"I promise," you said without hesitation, feeling more and more excited about what the night would bring. The elevator arrived, and you both got in, enjoying those small moments together that made everything worth it.

The bar's atmosphere was filled with a mix of laughter, soft music, and the melting pot of languages flowing among the groups of tourists and locals. The dim lights illuminated the tables, but it was the dance floor that truly caught everyone's attention. People moved to the rhythm of samba and other Brazilian genres with a natural sensuality that seemed to flow from every movement, as if the music had completely taken over their bodies. The bright colors of the dancers' outfits and the sparkle of glasses on the tables added a warm, almost magical ambiance that enveloped you effortlessly.

You felt comfortable, relaxed, with a glass of piña colada with vodka in your hand, the ice still crunching with the first sip. The sweet, fruity flavor of the cocktail contrasted perfectly with the stronger kick of the vodka, giving you a small push of courage. You were starting to feel the effects of the alcohol—a slight euphoria that made everything around you feel more vibrant, more intimate.

Hinata, seated beside you, smiled as he noticed your gaze fixed on the dance floor. There was something in the way you watched the couples, how they surrendered themselves to the music, that made him realize it intrigued you more than you had let on.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked, not expecting much more than a nod of acceptance. But he noticed something in your expression—a mix of curiosity and a desire to explore something new, something he hadn’t seen in you before.

You didn’t need more words. Without hesitation, you stood up, taking his hand and leading him toward the floor. “Yes,” you said, a mischievous smile surprising even yourself. “I want to try it. I want to see how they do it.”

The music grew louder as you began moving to the rhythm like the Brazilians. It wasn’t just the dancing that drew you in but the way every movement seemed to be a pure expression of sensuality and confidence. You, a little uncertain at first, grew increasingly comfortable, mimicking the moves with Hinata by your side, both of you laughing.

“I think I’m struggling a bit,” you said, glancing at your husband with a playful grin. “But... would you like to teach me how to do it right?”

Hinata looked at you with a mix of admiration and amusement in his eyes. He understood what that question might imply but didn’t want to rush to conclusions. His face lit up with a warm smile, the one he always wore when he saw you open to new experiences. “Of course,” he replied, stepping closer and placing his hands on your waist, guiding your body with his to the rhythm of the music.

Somehow, the dance, the alcohol, and the atmosphere charged with sensuality began opening doors you hadn’t considered before. As you moved more freely, you realized how much you longed to be closer to him—not just physically, but in a deeper, more intimate way.

What started as a fun dancing game quickly transformed into something more profound, more personal. His hands, firm yet gentle, slowly slid down to your hips, pulling you toward him with subtle but undeniable force. The music shifted, becoming slower, more sensual, as if it mirrored the connection forming between you two. The soft, rhythmic beats intertwined with the rapid thudding of your own heart, creating a unique melody just for the two of you.

Hinata guided you expertly, making your body move in slow, synchronized circles against his. Every sway of your hips felt like a silent conversation, a whisper shared between the dance and the growing desire. The brush of your bodies generated a palpable electricity, a heat that went beyond the room's temperature. You weren’t sure if it was the closeness of his body, the warmth of the atmosphere, or perhaps the combination of both, but the fire began to flood every corner of your being.

Your eyes closed with a soft sigh, surrendering completely. It didn’t matter if the music was slow or if others were moving around you; at that moment, everything else faded away. There was only the two of you, the rhythm of the music, the whisper of his breathing, and the touch of your bodies, as if the world around you dissolved, leaving you in a perfect, desire-filled bubble.

You felt more alive than ever, as though the simple sensation of his closeness was a reminder of how much you had been holding back, how much you wanted to explore. And for the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel insecure or shy. Passion, desire—everything you had kept buried—was now surfacing in a way you hadn’t known existed, but you relished it with every fiber of your being.

One of Hinata’s hands slid gently from your hips to your jaw, holding it with a firm yet tender grip that made your eyes flutter open slowly. His thumb brushed your skin with an almost reverent delicacy, tilting your face to one side as he leaned in. There was no rush in his movements, only a quiet determination that left you breathless.

When his lips finally met yours, it was as though everything else disappeared entirely. The bar, the music, the people around you… none of it mattered. The kiss was slow, deep, and full of emotions that seemed to have built up over days. You had forgotten how much you missed this—this intimate connection with him. During the trip, both of you had focused so much on landscapes, laughter, and new experiences that, unintentionally, these moments of closeness had been set aside.

The kiss became a reminder of everything you shared, a silent language saying more than words ever could. You felt the warmth of his breath, the firmness of his hands, and that unmistakable love that had always defined your relationship. His other hand remained on your hip, keeping you close, as if afraid you might pull away.

When you finally separated, his eyes searched yours, and in that gaze, you found a blend of love, desire, and something more—something you couldn’t quite define but that ignited the spark within you even further. “I missed this,” he murmured against your lips, his voice low and filled with emotion. “So much.”

You smiled softly, feeling your heart pound. “Me too, Hinata,” you whispered, your eyes never leaving his, loving the way he seemed to adore you even in the gentle touch of his gaze. “I think we forgot how important this is, how important you are to me.”

His fingers barely grazed your back as he held you close, a gesture that, at any other time, might have gone unnoticed, but now, with the warmth of his touch, sent a shiver down your spine. It was so subtle yet laden with meaning that your thoughts began to drift, taking you back to a recent conversation with your friends.

It had been a quiet afternoon, filled with laughter and the clinking of glasses. They had started with light topics—travel, restaurants, daily routines—but, as always happened with that group, the conversation had turned more personal, more intimate.

Your friends, amid sighs and nervous giggles, began sharing details about their own dynamics with their partners. “Have you ever tried something… different?” one of them asked with a mischievous smile as she swirled her wine glass. “Sometimes, a little roughness can spark things you didn’t even know you wanted.”

Another nodded, bursting into laughter as she recounted how her partner had surprised her one night with a firmer grip, a whispered command in her ear. The way they spoke, with a mix of playfulness and satisfaction, had left you intrigued. Though you tried to stay on the sidelines, their eyes turned to you, expectant.

“And you?” they asked almost in unison, smiling conspiratorially.

You laughed, a bit nervously, as your cheeks turned red. “We’re… well, we’ve always been more… traditional, I guess,” you admitted, feeling slightly embarrassed, though your friends didn’t judge you in the slightest. “We’ve never really talked about anything like that.”

"Well, you should," one of them chimed in enthusiastically. "You have no idea how liberating it can be. It's not about stopping enjoying what you already have; it's about exploring more, discovering new ways to connect together."

Those words had stuck with you ever since, echoing louder and louder in your mind. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy your intimate life with Hinata; on the contrary, you loved him and felt that you shared something special. But the idea of exploring, of finding a different side of the two of you, had left you wondering. What if there was more to discover, something you both could enjoy together if only you dared to bring it up?

Back in the present, the touch of his hand running down your back pulled you from your thoughts. His eyes met yours, soft and warm, but there was something more in his gaze, a spark that had perhaps always been there but that you were now noticing more clearly. Could you talk about it? Should you risk breaking the silence on this subject?

What if this wasn’t the right moment? Doubt anchored itself in your mind, immobilizing you. Talking about your sex life with Hinata, though it shouldn’t be complicated, felt like opening a door you weren’t sure how to close afterward. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust him—on the contrary, if there was anyone you could be vulnerable with, it was him. But the fear of making him uncomfortable or, worse, of him misunderstanding what you meant, filled you with uncertainty.

When is the right time to talk about something like this? As you watched him with that smile that always seemed to brighten any room, you wondered if a "perfect moment" even existed. Would it be on a quiet night when you were both relaxed at home? Or maybe in a spontaneous moment, like now, with the background music and the soft lights of the bar creating an ambiance straight out of a romantic movie?

You bit your lip, trying to untangle your thoughts. The way Hinata held you, how his eyes seemed to read yours, gave you a glimmer of confidence. But you still didn’t know how to start, how to put into words something so intimate that it could change dynamics you had both spent years building.

"Are you okay?" His voice came softly, pulling you back to the present. His brow furrowed slightly, worried, as if he had noticed something different about you.

"Yeah, of course," you lied with a smile, though he didn’t seem entirely convinced.

Hinata knew you too well, and the worst part was that he would probably give you all the time in the world to say whatever was on your mind. The problem was that you didn’t even know how to start. Maybe it wasn’t the right time, but you also knew that if you kept waiting for that perfect moment, you might stay silent forever.

Perhaps, just perhaps, it wasn’t about finding the moment but creating it.

"Don’t be reckless," you scolded yourself silently, as if those words could keep the whirlwind of thoughts in your mind at bay. You couldn’t afford to ruin the atmosphere—not now, not when everything seemed to flow so naturally.

But at the same time, there was something you couldn’t ignore: the feeling that this moment might be exactly what you needed to take the first step. The brush of his hands on your hips, the warmth radiating from his body, the way his eyes sparkled with a mix of playfulness and desire—it all seemed to conspire to push you to speak.

"What’s wrong?" Hinata broke the silence, leaning in a little closer to ensure his voice wasn’t lost in the music and laughter of the bar. His fingers traced small circles on your waist, a gesture so casual yet charged with intimacy.

"It’s just... nothing, it’s nothing," you replied hastily, trying to divert his attention with a smile that probably wasn’t as convincing as you’d hoped.

He raised an eyebrow, as if he didn’t believe your response for a second. "If it were nothing, you wouldn’t be so distracted," he pointed out gently, his tone filled with that infinite patience that always disarmed you.

You sighed, looking away toward the cocktail in your hand. "I don’t want to ruin the moment," you admitted in a low voice, more to yourself than to him.

"Then don’t ruin it," he replied with a mischievous smile, leaning in to whisper in your ear. "Just enjoy, and when you’re ready to talk, I’m here."

His words, simple but full of meaning, made something inside you relax. You didn’t have to rush or find the perfect words immediately. This moment wasn’t the end of anything—it was the beginning of everything.

You gave yourself a mental slap, forcing yourself to gather the necessary courage. You bit your lip hard, trying to silence the avalanche of doubts that continued to assault you. Instead of speaking, you turned with determination, wrapping your arms around his neck and letting your bodies move in unison to the music.

Hinata looked at you with a mix of surprise and tenderness but said nothing. He simply leaned a little closer to you, his lips brushing against your temple while his hands found a steady rhythm on your waist.

The warmth of his closeness and the electricity of the moment made you feel safe—for now. You reminded yourself that there was no need to rush. There was time. This journey, after all, was just for the two of you.

"When we get to the hotel, I’ll do it," you silently promised yourself, closing your eyes as you let the rhythm of the music envelop you. You had to do it—not because of your friends’ advice but for yourself. You wanted to open that door with him, to explore something more, something new, something only the two of you could discover together.

For now, you allowed yourself to enjoy this moment, feeling safe in his arms, knowing that when the time came, he’d be ready to listen.

You sat on the bed with a sigh of relief, your hands reaching for the heels you had worn all day. You took them off urgently, as if your ankles were begging for a break after hours of endurance.

Hinata closed the door behind him, leaving the key on the nightstand as he watched you with a slight smile. "Too much dancing for one night?" he teased, walking over to sit beside you on the bed.

"Too much dancing for these shoes," you replied with a soft laugh, massaging your feet with your hands. "But it was worth it."

"It's always worth it when I see you enjoying yourself like that," he said, leaning in to gently take one of your feet, helping with the massage. His firm fingers found the exact spots, drawing a sigh of relief from you.

The gesture made your heart skip a beat. You looked at him, his eyes focused on his task, his expression so calm and attentive. It was the perfect moment, yet you still felt a lump in your throat.

"Thank you," you murmured finally, more for the massage than anything else, though deep down, you knew there was more weight behind that word.

Hinata looked up at you, noticing something in your tone. "Is something wrong?" he asked softly, setting your foot aside and turning to face you fully.

You took a deep breath, feeling how the moment you'd been putting off all day had finally caught up to you.

The question slipped from your lips before you could consider if it was the right way to approach it—a sudden impulse overtaking you. But with Hinata, there was never a "right" way to do things; everything was always spontaneous, natural, as if the world around you disappeared in the space where only the two of you existed.

"Have you ever thought about... more?" The phrase hung in the air between you, a question laden with as much uncertainty as curiosity.

Hinata stayed silent for a moment, his eyes fixed on yours as he read your expression. It wasn’t the reaction you had expected, but it didn’t surprise you either. He had always been an open book, yet now, something in his gaze seemed deeper, more attentive.

"More of what?" he asked, his voice gentle, as if trying to understand exactly what you meant.

The vulnerability lingered in every word that left your lips, but you didn’t stop. You had started speaking without filters, and there was no turning back now. You looked at Hinata with determination, though the knot in your stomach remained.

"More about us, you know... sexually."

The words, as direct as they were, seemed to hang in the air for a moment, the weight of them filling the room. The atmosphere shifted immediately, the tension in the air palpable. But it wasn’t discomfort—not for him, at least.

Hinata looked at you attentively, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. His expression was a mix of surprise and curiosity, but also something else you couldn’t quite identify.

"More about us?" he repeated, his tone calm, as if he were processing what you had said. "You mean exploring something different? Something... more."

You nodded, a bit embarrassed but unwilling to back down. "Yes, that. I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like there’s something beyond what we’ve tried, something we could explore together if... if you’re interested too."

Hinata stayed silent for a moment, as if deeply reflecting. Then, with a compassionate smile, he gently took your hands and intertwined them with his.

"My love," he said, his tone so warm it made you feel like you could trust him completely, "I’ve always wanted you to feel comfortable and happy. And I never want you to feel like we can’t talk about anything. If this is what you want, then of course, we’ll do it together, at your pace."

The warmth of his words gave you the reassurance you needed. There was no judgment, only an open willingness to explore what you desired—what both of you desired.

"Although... I never brought it up because I was afraid," he admitted, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "Afraid of making you feel insecure. I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t enjoying sex with you."

His words struck you right in the heart, his vulnerability opening up to you in a way you hadn’t anticipated. The gesture—his hand scratching the back of his neck, so human, so sincere—made you realize how much he had worried about you, even in moments when he hadn’t said a word.

"I didn’t want you to think I don’t enjoy having sex with you," he continued, his gaze lowered as if he couldn’t fully look at you. "Because I do—more than I can put into words. But I didn’t want to pressure you, didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or like there was something wrong with what we already share."

For a moment, you stayed silent, absorbing what he had just confessed. You’d been so focused on your own thoughts and desires that you hadn’t considered Hinata’s side, his own fears. You looked at him, and the affection you felt for him grew even stronger.

"But now I know we need to talk about this," he said firmly, lifting his eyes to meet yours. "So if there’s something you want to explore... I want us to do it together. No matter how different it might be, if you’re ready, I’ll be ready too."

The relief you felt was almost immediate. It was as if all the tension that had been building between you, the small unspoken fears and doubts, dissolved in that moment.

"You didn’t need to be afraid," you said softly, taking his hand and brushing your fingers over it. "I would never want you to feel that way, Hinata. All I want is for us to be okay, to be together, and to always be able to talk about what we want."

He nodded slowly, a shy smile forming on his lips. "So... we’ll explore whatever you want to explore?" Your smile was answer enough, and in the end, no more words were necessary.

What had started as an open and honest conversation quickly transformed into a deeper connection—both physical and emotional. Hinata’s proximity, his touch at once decisive and tender, made your heart race. Without speaking, but with a gaze full of understanding, he made it clear that you both shared the desire to explore the unknown, to dive into new experiences together.

His hand, firm on your hips, gently pulled you toward him with a palpable desire. You felt his warmth through the fabric, and when he sat you on his lap, the contact became immediate and electrifying. The closeness didn’t just ignite the spark; it turned it into a blazing fire.

His lips found yours with a passion you hadn’t shared in some time—a renewed passion born from the vulnerability and sincerity of your conversation. His kiss was slow at first, exploratory, as if savoring every second of this new chapter in your relationship.

Your body responded instantly, instinctively leaning closer, letting yourself be swept away by the intensity of the moment. The feeling of being so near, of sharing something so intimate, filled you with a mix of nerves and excitement.

What started as a gentle kiss intensified with each second. Hinata's hands, which until now had been so careful, began to move with more determination. They ran down your back, touching the softness of your skin with a mix of urgency and devotion, as if they didn't want to leave anything unexplored. The touch of his hands against your body sent a warm current through your veins, an intense sensation that you hadn't experienced like that before.

His kiss became more demanding, an unexpected contrast to his usual tenderness, but somehow it was exactly what you wanted. Every movement of his lips and hands brought you closer to him, and for a moment, everything else disappeared. The world outside the room ceased to exist, leaving only the contact, the shared desire that now flowed unrestricted.

Every caress, every brush of skin on skin, seemed to have a purpose, as if both could read each other's desires without the need for words. The touch of his hands, so firm and soft at the same time, ran over your body with a familiarity that felt new, as if everything that had been kept in the silence of the previous years now wanted to come to light.

Your hand traveled to his abdomen, under the fabric of his shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin against your fingertips. There was something about that closeness that made you feel freer, more alive, as if you could finally allow yourself to be yourself without reservation. The pressure of his lips against yours, followed by his hand on the back of your neck, increased the desire to be even closer.

Each movement of his body towards yours made you want to explore more, discover more about what you both wanted at that moment. His hand, which had traveled to your leg, slightly lifted the fabric of your skirt, revealing your skin, making a shiver run through your body. The mix of sensations, the touch of his skin against yours was all you needed to lose yourself in the moment.

“Tell me what you want to do,” he whispered, his deep voice echoing in your ears, filling you with an indescribable feeling, a desire that grew with every word.

His lips moved with precision, leaving a trail of heat on the skin of your neck. Soft, barely perceptible bites followed by open-mouthed kisses that sent shivers down your spine. His breath against your skin mixed with the soft hum of the air conditioner, his every move igniting something inside you.

There was no rush in his actions, but no unnecessary softness either. It was a calculated intensity, a mix of dominance and attention that kept your senses alert. His firm hand on your hip held you in place, while his mouth explored every inch of your neck with a precision that seemed designed to make you lose yourself in the sensation.

His hands slowly moved down, firm and determined, until he squeezed your ass with a dominance that made you inhale sharply. The instinctive movement of your hips against his leg sent a wave of electricity through your body, suddenly reminding you of the question he had asked moments before.

“Tell me what you want to do,” he had said, and now the voice resonated in your mind like a persistent echo, as deep and clear as the heat radiating from his body.

You bit your lip, trying to organize your thoughts as your hips continued to seek contact, unconsciously marking a rhythm on his thigh. His gaze, dark and fixed on yours, seemed to demand a response, but not of empty words, but of action.

Your hands moved decisively, gripping his thighs with a firmness that made him raise an eyebrow, somewhere between surprised and fascinated. You knew how much you liked them, and you weren’t going to be shy about it. The pressure of your fingers on the well-defined muscles was a pleasure in itself, but the position you were in gave you more control, more freedom.

You moved your hips against him confidently, seeking to explore the connection his thighs could offer you. A spark of amusement crossed his face at the sight of your determination. “That’s it,” he murmured in a low, almost defiant tone, his hands returning to your hips to support you as he followed your every move.

With one agile movement, Hinata’s hands shot to your shoulders, holding you firmly but never losing his usual gentleness. Before you could process what was happening, he lifted you slightly, making you feel light as a feather in his arms.

With unparalleled delicacy, his nimble fingers slid your panties down in a determined motion. His dark eyes searched yours intently, as if asking for permission and confirmation to continue, though the heat in the air said it all. It was clear that every action of his was meant to make you feel better, more comfortable, and completely adored under his care.

Firmly, Hinata guided your hips back to his thigh, forcing you to sit on it once more. The intensity in his gaze left no room for doubt; in that moment, you were all that existed for him. The feel of the fabric of his pants against your bare skin was something new and unexpected, a contrast between rough and delicate that made you hold your breath.

With an almost frantic desire, your hips move hard on Hinata's thigh, searching for the perfect friction that will bring you to ecstasy. Each thrust of his leg against your pussy is like an explosion that shakes every cell of your being and leaves you yearning for more.

The wetness between your legs becomes overwhelming, almost painful, but you can't stop yourself. Each touch is like an intense electric current running through your body from your core to your toes. In that moment, you are completely immersed in surrender to the pleasure shared with Hinata.

You brought your hands to his shoulders, seeking a foothold as you let yourself be carried away by the need that flooded your body. The constant movement awakened sensations that were new to you, a heady mix of pleasure and vulnerability. Your fingers clung to the fabric of his shirt, an anchor you needed to not lose yourself completely in the whirlwind of emotions that consumed you.

"Are you feeling so desperate that you need to fuck yourself on my thigh?" Hinata whispered huskily, his hot breath tickling your ear. It was a question, but also a confident statement, as if he already knew the answer and was willing to take control.

Hinata’s hands slid down your hips, his thumbs tracing circles over your skin, heightening the intensity of the moment. The pressure of his thigh beneath you and the growing heat of his skin against yours made you feel a mix of euphoria and freedom that you hadn’t anticipated.

Hinata gripped your hips with a merciless grip, guiding you through each movement with surgical precision. “Don’t stop,” he ordered in a deep voice that rumbled inside you, charged with a fierce authority you had never known before. His eyes remained fixed on you, devouring your every expression as if it were his most prized food.

Without hesitation, you obeyed and moved with more confidence, allowing yourself to feel every touch, every pressure he generated as he held you with an almost painful firmness. Suddenly, his hands moved down from your hips to the base of your shirt and grabbed it with determination. In one fluid movement, he pulled the fabric up and removed it without hesitation.

The cool air hit your bare skin and it was such a sharp contrast to the heat of the room that it reminded you of how exposed you were in front of him. But Hinata didn’t stop there. With impressive dexterity, he found the clasp of your bra and opened it with a simple movement. The garment fell to the floor, leaving your skin exposed.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured, almost as if speaking to himself, as his hands returned to your hips, making sure you didn’t break the rhythm he had set.

His lips returned to your neck, nibbling and sucking on the tender skin exposed before him, leaving marks, which for him are a direct way of claiming you in the sight of anyone. The whispered words of praise made your skin prickle and a shiver run through your body.

One of his hands settled on your back, pulling you towards him as he took one of your breasts between his lips. He gently tugged on your hard nipple with his teeth before rubbing it against his tongue, while his free hand pinched the other with a perfect mix of pressure and softness.

Your hips moved harder against him, seeking that perfect friction with each powerful thrust that made your body shudder with pleasure. Your head fell back, letting out moans and cries as his strong thigh repeatedly hit your clit and brought you to uncontrollable ecstasy.

“Hinata!” you screamed his name loudly, a desperate plea to climax. The movement of your hips grew faster and wilder, driven by a burning desire that consumed you. Your sensitive, swollen folds pressed against his thigh urgently, the juices of your arousal leaking from between them and soaking the fabric of his pants.

The pleasure was so intense that your words were jumbled together and coming out in incoherent babbles. His lips moved messily around your nipple, sucking and nibbling with deviously delicious skill while his other hand continued to torture the sensitive nub, making you even wetter than you already were. “Cum on my thigh,” he ordered you in a husky voice.

Your body was taken over by a loud moan that escaped your lips, dragging you into an orgasm that shook your entire being and made you tremble in Hinata’s arms. He stopped tending to your breasts, looking at you with desire as your watery eyes begged for his cock. But he wasn’t ready to give it to you yet, still wanting to see you come undone under his caresses before burying his member in your tight, wet hole.

“Please,” you begged, seeking his lips, but he stopped you with a firm hand holding your hair, keeping you in place. Hinata ran his tongue across your lips before gently tugging at your bottom lip with his teeth. “No,” he said firmly, “You will be a good slut for me and take everything I have to give you.”

Hinata held your hips tightly and dropped you onto the bed, your back sinking slightly into the mattress as he stood in front of you. His eyes met yours for an instant, heavy with something beyond words, something raw, unadorned.

With quick, almost mechanical movements, he unbuttoned his shirt. Buttons came free one by one until the white fabric fell from his shoulders, sliding unceremoniously to the floor. He didn’t stop. His hands moved to his waist, undoing his belt and pushing the rest of his clothes away in a hurry, as if they were more of a nuisance than a prelude.

Each piece went to a different place in the room. The movements weren’t delicate or careful; they were impulsive, as if time wasn’t something he could afford to waste.

You watched him from the bed, motionless but expectant, following each movement with your eyes, analyzing, processing. There were no smiles or unnecessary gestures, just the immediacy of a shared moment, the silence being interrupted only by the sound of clothes falling to the floor.

When he was completely naked, Hinata stood there for a moment, his breathing heavy but controlled. There was a palpable tension in the air, not of tenderness, but of something more physical, more instinctive. Then he leaned towards you, his hands resting on the mattress on either side of your body, and let the next movement speak for itself.

With a determined movement, he took the wrinkled fabric of your skirt in his large hands and pulled it up, exposing your hips. The skirt was a work of art, too pretty to be carelessly removed.

His hands spread your legs, exposing your cute pussy to his view. His gaze rested on it with a mix of desire and admiration. “You have the most beautiful pussy,” he said in a deep, almost husky voice. His honesty was so direct that it left no room for doubt. “It’s like it was made to tempt me… always so perfect.”

One of his hands gently caressed the inside of your thigh, while he used two fingers to part your swollen folds and continue to enjoy the sight. Your pussy glistened with the moisture that continued to ooze out of it.

He used his thumb to rub your clit, and you were so sensitive from the recent orgasm that your hips pressed hard against the mattress in search of relief. But his firm hands wouldn’t let you close your legs. Suddenly, he slapped your pussy. The sound of your wet skin being slapped echoed throughout the room.

“I asked you to be a good slut for me,” he growls as two of his fingers plunge into your dripping hole up to the knuckles. Hinata’s touch didn’t stop; his pace, slow and deliberate at first, began to increase in intensity.

His skilled fingers moved with increasing speed, delving right into that sweet spot inside you that had your body arching almost immediately. His gaze remained fixed on your face, attentive to every sound, every movement you made. Your eyes fluttered shut instinctively, immersing you in a sea of ​​overwhelming sensations.

The change was instantaneous. You, who until then had maintained a fragile control, let out a stifled moan, followed by a succession of broken gasps that filled the room. Your body convulsed under Hinata's expert touches, while he continued to explore every corner of your being with his fingers and his burning gaze.

Your hands clung to the sheets with desperate strength, squeezing and twisting them between your fingers as they searched for something to anchor themselves to in the midst of ecstasy. The sheets gave way under your relentless grip, forming deep wrinkles where your strength marked them. The soft sound of the fabric tearing echoed in the room, mixing with your moans and sighs.

Moans and moans escaped your mouth in desperation, as you tried to pull your hypersensitive pussy away from Hinata's relentless movements. But he gave you no respite, he was determined to tear another orgasm from you. With each thrust, your inner walls tightened and unclenched in an endless dance, enveloping his fingers tightly. Hinata increased the pace of his movements, his fingers thrusting in and out with frantic speed, seeking out that sensitive area that made you shudder.

His curled fingers caressed and pressed against your most sensitive spot, sending waves of pleasure through your body. “You can take it, you have a greedy pussy,” he murmured, urging you to give yourself over completely to the ecstasy that awaited you.

"Your rubbery walls clenched tightly against his fingers, as your hips curved away from the bed in a sensual arch. Your voice spilled over into cries, calling his name over and over as your legs shook uncontrollably.

You couldn't help but moan at the overwhelming pleasure he was bringing you, the way he was finger fucking you so delicious it even hurt. "More, oh god," you moaned, your hand desperately reaching out to grab onto his wrist to find some support on him. "I need another, please," you begged desperately, because you knew two fingers would never be enough to match the feeling his fat cock was providing you.

Every single one of your moans and pleading words gave him the confirmation he wanted: you were completely lost in that moment, completely his. Hinata noticed the change in your breathing, his body beginning to shake with the unmistakable sign that you were close to climax.

You gasped, unable to keep yourself in silence, your moans increasing in volume and desperation. “No… please don’t stop…” you begged, gripping the sheets even tighter, completely lost in what he was doing to you.

Ecstasy exploded once again, a torrent of uncontrollable sensations flooding over you. Your walls clenched tightly around his expert fingers, as if they wanted to lose themselves in them forever. His every move was a symphony of pleasure, every touch an explosion of fire and passion. You couldn’t control the moans escaping your mouth, nor did you want to.

Gently, Hinata removed his fingers from your body and brought them to your lips. “Open your mouth and suck on them” was his command, and you obeyed immediately, tasting your own juices on his fingers. A moan escaped your lips at the feel of you on him. Hinata stepped away for a moment to rummage through his things until he found what he was looking for: a black tie. A smile spread across his face as he approached you with it in his hand.

“Come here,” he whispered, waiting for you. Without question, you walked over to him and climbed down from the bed until you were in front of his body. Hinata wrapped the soft fabric around you, covering your eyes. Firmly, he tied the tie around your eyes, securing it tightly, leaving you completely blind to what was to come. Your world instantly went dark, your other senses heightening. The sound of his breathing, the feel of the sheets, the feeling of your skin still warming from his touch.

“You can’t see now, but you will hear everything I do.” His voice was low, filled with absolute confidence, allowing you to feel safe next to him. “Now, get on your knees.”

With a mix of anticipation and submission, you complied immediately. Your body trembled slightly, unable to contain the excitement that coursed through your being. With your head slightly bowed and your hands resting on your thighs, you knelt before him. You could still feel your heart racing and the agitated exhale from everything you had already experienced up to that point.

“I want to taste you,” you said shamelessly, making clear your deepest desires. The thought of it alone made your mouth water. The boldness of your words made a cocky smile appear on Hinata’s lips, his gaze darkening as he took in the lust you emanated. One of your hands ran up his legs, wrapping around his hard cock greedily.

With a firm hand, you explore every vein and ridge of his cock, feeling the warmth and strength of his member against your palm. With your thumb, you playfully stroke the tip of his cock, feeling the precum leaking out onto your hand. Eager to taste him, you take a teasing lick along his length.

Hinata moves his hips against you in a rhythm that makes you crave more. Without a second thought, you take his member into your mouth, taking in as much as he can fit in while using your hand to circle what can’t fit in your mouth. You feel him tighten his grip on your hair as you bob your head up and down his length, stimulating his tip with your playful tongue.

With a sharp movement, Hinata began to thrust his hips into your mouth. His movements were quick and precise, hitting the back of your throat over and over as he gripped your hair tightly to keep you in place as he continued to fuck your throat mercilessly. His rough moans escaped between his parted lips, filling the air with a heady mix of lust and unbridled desire.

“Fuck, your mouth feels so good.” His words were rough and raw, but his voice was filled with pleasure as he growled with each thrust. His hips moved in a frantic rhythm, thrusting back and forth in a constant cycle. His hands were firmly held onto your thighs, holding you up so you could keep up with the fluid motion of your mouth on him. Each sensation was intense and electrifying, making you wonder how you could last much longer.

With his mind clouded with desire, Hinata could only think of how good your warm, tight pussy would feel around his cock. He pulled his member out of your mouth, and with one swift movement, he pushed you off of him. His chest rose and fell with each labored breath.

“Get up,” Hinata ordered you huskily. He guided you towards the bed, waiting for you to climb in, and before you could turn around, he pushed your chest hard into the mattress, making it clear that he wanted to fuck you in doggy style. The tip of his cock slammed into your still sensitive pussy from his earlier ministrations, drawing an uncontrollable moan from you.

“Hinata!” you cried out loudly as you felt him thrust into you hard, his hips colliding with your raised ass cheeks for him. His hands held the swirling skirt at your waist to use as leverage to pull you into him with each thrust.

“You have the most exquisite pussy, baby. Fuck, you take me so well,” Hinata murmured between moans. One of his hands squeezed your ass and slapped it hard, while the other kneaded the sensitive skin. “Oh god, oh god, don’t stop,” you begged as pleasure took over your entire body.

A series of spanks echoed through the room, leaving red marks on your ass cheeks as Hinata thrust into you hard again and again. The steady rhythm of thrusting in and out of you made your skin crawl and your moans turned into screams of pleasure. Your inner walls clenched around him, refusing to let go. All you could think about was how well your husband was fucking you, his member pushing deep into your vagina and caressing your cervix, making you scream even louder.

Rebel tears fell onto the fabric of the tie tied to your eyes as you enjoyed each thrust. With one hand, you reached for your clit and stimulated it in circular motions, adding yet another layer of pleasure to your body.

You were sure that Hinata’s powerful hand would leave marks on your hips the next day, but that didn’t matter as he continued to pound you hard and passionately. Each crash against your inner walls made the sound of sloshing fill the room, and you clenched down harder seeking to milk him for all the pleasure possible.

“Please fill me,” you begged Hinata, moving your hips in rhythm with his and squeezing him even further inside you.

With one last thrust, Hinata let himself go and spilled inside you, filling you with his essence as you reached a climax so intense it left you shaking. Together, you lay there tangled in a mix of sweat and pleasure, until you finally caught your breath and broke apart to rest on the bed.

[libellule-ao3]

Hey,

I really like your Ominis' NSFW Alphabet. Can I request one for Sebastian?

Hello,

I had some random HCs about Sebastian in a file. Your request prompted me to organise them a bit. So thank you. 🙏💖

I hope you will like them.

As always, I hope you will forgive any potential language mistakes.

NSFW Alphabet | Sebastian Sallow 🔞

⚠️Sexually explicit content | 🔞 | Smut | HC |2,5k words

Summary: Some of my smutty HC about Sebastian Sallow, collected under the "NSFW alphabet" template.

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Other NSFW alphabets: Ominis Gaunt, Dark!Ominis

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Sebastian can fuck you relentlessly, make you scream his name, and push you over the edge, but afterwards, he remains extremely attentive. He holds you close, kisses you softly, whispers praise, and caresses you slowly while you catch your breath. Sometimes, he murmurs how much you mean to him, as if afraid to lose you like he lost his family. He may also massage your tired muscles, apply soothing lotion to areas reddened by blows or bites, and make sure you’re well hydrated. His need to protect and care for you is almost obsessive. He loves to see you relaxed, exhausted, and satisfied, so he’ll shower you with kisses, sometimes until you’re ready for another round.

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Sebastian is particularly proud of his hands, which are just as good at wielding a wand as they are at making you come. He loves their versatility: caressing you tenderly, spanking you hard, penetrating you deeply, pinching your nipples, all to play with your pleasure. He also loves to feel the vibrations of your moans under his palm as he grabs you by the throat, controlling your breathing and arousal.

As for your body, he’s obsessed with your bottom. He loves to touch it discreetly as he walks past you, grab it firmly or slap it as he takes you from behind or as you ride him, or simply caress it as you lie against him. What’s more, nothing turns him on more than seeing your bottom redden under his strokes or bounce up and down with every thrust.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Sebastian prefers to cum inside you, deep inside, to mark his territory in the most intimate way possible. The sensation of your walls contracting around him as he pours himself into you is incomparable. But if you want him to cum elsewhere, he also loves to watch you on your knees, mouth wide open, tongue outstretched to receive every drop, or see your body splattered with his cum, especially on your breasts or face. It awakens a primal instinct in him, a pride in seeing you marked by him in this way.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He’ll never admit it openly, but the idea of fucking you in a public place, where anyone could catch you in the act, excites him to no end. The thrill of the forbidden, combined with the fear of being caught, increases his desire tenfold. He fantasises about taking you against a wall in a corridor, an empty classroom, or a dark alley. He also dreams of discreetly caressing you under the table, without anyone knowing, leaving you unable to concentrate on anything other than the pleasure he’s giving you.

Finally, he often imagines screwing you so hard that you can hardly walk afterwards, and that everyone can tell.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Contrary to what you might think, he didn’t have much experience before you. Sebastian's life was entirely governed by his quest to save Anne, his obsession with dark magic, and the scars left by Solomon's death, Anne's rejection, and Ominis' estrangement. Burdened by so much suffering, he never had the time or emotional space to think about romance or physical pleasure before you. However, his natural curiosity and passion for learning have enabled him to be an attentive lover, experimenting and honing his skills to find out what makes you tick. So, his fingers, his tongue, his cock—he tested everything on you to understand how to make you come repeatedly.

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

Sebastian loves to possess you in doggy-style. He loves to see you on all fours, arched over, exposed to him. One of his greatest pleasures is to grab your hips firmly and pull you against him, sinking deep into you again and again. He relishes the way your body trembles under the impact of his thrusts. But what he loves most of all is wrapping your hair around his fist, pulling it back to force you to lift your head, all the while whispering obscene words in your ear. The total control he has over you in this position excites him like never. He never gets tired of your buttocks slamming against him, the sound of your bodies colliding and your muffled moans.

Then he loves it when you ride him. Seeing your body move on top of him, your tits bouncing with every movement, drives him absolutely crazy. He watches you rub up against him, guiding you up and down his cock, adjusting the angle to get to the places that make you scream. He loves the way you think you’re holding the reins, when he always ends up gripping you by the hips to go faster, harder, until you’re both overwhelmed with pleasure.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Even though he’s often intense and serious during sex, Sebastian has a mischievous side that also comes out when he’s intimate. He can’t help teasing you. He laughs softly when you become impatient, or when you beg him to go faster. He may also tickle you or tell a joke at the worst possible moment just to throw you off balance a little before fucking you even harder.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Sebastian doesn’t really have strict rules about this. He keeps his private hair neat, but doesn’t touch the hair on his chest, or the fine line of hair that runs from his navel to his bush. Also, he doesn’t care whether or not you’re waxed. As long as he can lick you, fuck you, and make you come, he’s perfectly happy. However, he does like to grab your hair during the act, pulling it slightly to force you to tilt your head, exposing your neck to his possessive kisses and bites. And he loves it when your hands grip his as he eats you.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect.)

Sebastian loves to see you vulnerable, especially when you’re under him, breathless and trembling with pleasure. He likes to whisper dirty words in your ear as he thrusts deep inside you, just to feel your body react to his every word. Even in his most brutal moments, he still looks at you with that all-consuming desire that shows you mean the world to him.

J = Jack off (HC masturbation)

Sebastian has no problem with pleasuring himself when you’re not around, especially if he’s overwhelmed with desire for you. He may even let his mind wander to the intimate moments you’ve shared to increase his pleasure (your lips around his cock, for example, or your throbbing pussy as he impales you against a wall). When he’s particularly excited, he may even masturbate in front of you, enjoying watching you become eager and aroused as you watch him pleasure himself.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Sebastian loves to dominate. He loves rough sex, making you bend under him, seeing you on your knees sucking him off while he controls the pace and depth by grabbing your hair. He loves that you’re totally at his mercy, whether it’s through handcuffs or orders. But he also likes the idea of a brief resistance, forcing you to give in to him, and the moment you let go makes him even harder.

Sebastian has a strong breeding kink. The idea of filling you up and knowing he could get you pregnant drives him mad. He gains a primal satisfaction from the thought of you carrying his child, especially after everything he’s lost. It’s not just about marking you as his, but more about creating something permanent, a family—something he’s craved ever since losing his parents and Anne.

The way your body changes during pregnancy only intensifies his desire. He finds you even more irresistible, the sight of your round belly, where his baby is growing, exciting him beyond reason. He loves being the one to satisfy all your needs while you’re vulnerable, taking special care to ensure your comfort but never holding back on intensity. During sex, he loves trying new positions that suit your changing body, and Sebastian can spend hours worshipping your pregnant form, telling you how beautiful you are and how much he desires you.

He also has a weakness for role-playing games, especially those where he can reverse the dynamic and explore scenarios where one of you is in a position of weakness or submission.

L = Location (favourite places to do the do)

As much as he enjoys the safety of your bedroom, Sebastian can find carnal pleasure in unexpected places. Whether it’s in an empty classroom, against a tree in the Forbidden Forest, or even in a cramped bathtub, every place has its charm as long as he can hear you moan his name without restraint.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Everything about you is a source of motivation for Sebastian. Your perfume, the way you run your tongue over your lips, the subtle movement of your hips, it all drives him crazy. But what probably turns him on the most is when you turn into a naughty girl. He loves the defiant look in your eyes when you try to take control, or when you provoke him, knowing full well he’ll punish you for it.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

He likes to push your buttons, but respects your limits. He’s a possessive guy who doesn’t like anyone else intruding on your intimate moments, either.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Sebastian is as talented with his mouth as he is with his hands. He’s obsessed with making you come using his tongue. He loves to hear you moan under the deft movements of his mouth, watching you writhe in pleasure as he licks you relentlessly. Of course, receiving oral pleasure is just as enjoyable, especially when he sees how much you love having it in your mouth, your eyes gazing into his as he reaches down your throat.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Sebastian is an intense and passionate lover, often preferring a fast and determined pace, as his desire could wait no longer. That said, he knows how to adapt to your needs, slowing down if he senses you want something gentler.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Sebastian loves quickies, especially when the urge is too strong. He won’t hesitate to shag you quickly in a dark corner or a broom cupboard, his hand covering your mouth to muffle your moans as he penetrates you with brutal urgency, reaching orgasm in a matter of minutes before you go back to business as usual.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Sebastian loves risk. Whether it’s trying new things or pushing the boundaries of what’s socially acceptable, he loves exploring with you. For him, sex is as much about pleasure as it is about challenge, and he loves pushing the boundaries with you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Sebastian is tireless, capable of satisfying you several times in one night! Even after he’s released, he’s often ready for another round after a brief rest.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Sebastian is open to using toys to increase the intensity of your sessions. He likes to use enchantments on you, placing his vibrating wand of magic against your clitoris as he penetrates you, or using it to torture you during foreplay. Ties, light whips, and even gags are also among the accessories he uses.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease?)

If you’ve been a bad girl or provoked him, Sebastian can be terribly unfair, loving to torture you slowly, make you beg and cry in frustration. He often does edging, bringing you close to orgasm several times, then depriving you of your pleasure just before you explode, until you’re a desperate wreck, begging for release.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Sebastian is quite vocal, groaning and grunting with every move. When he’s close to orgasm, his moans become hoarse. But his favourite part is hearing your screams, moans, and every sound that escapes your mouth. He wants you to be loud, to let everyone know how much he’s driving you crazy.

W = Wild card (a random HCs)

-Sebastian likes to surprise you. Whether it’s initiating an unscheduled session in an unlikely location, using a prop you weren’t expecting, or dominating you in a new way, he always likes to maintain an element of mystery and surprise. For example, he might walk into the room, pin you up against a wall and fuck you without warning, or wake you up by eating or fucking you, just to see your face overcome with pleasure as you wake up. He also knows you like it when he loses control, and sometimes he lets you dominate him and do what you want with him.

-When Sebastian is overwhelmed by anger or frustration, especially due to memories of Anne or the guilt of having killed his uncle, he sometimes turns to sex as an outlet. In those moments, he is more intense, even bordering on brutal, but always in control of his actions. Afterwards, he becomes extremely tender, almost guilty for having let himself go, but also deeply grateful that you're there to soothe him and that you accept him, even with his darker sides.

-One of the consequences of the losses he has suffered is that he becomes very possessive. He likes to mark his territory on your body, whether with bites, scratches, or ensuring you bear the marks of your sessions the next day. He needs to know that you belong to him.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Sebastian is slim and toned, with skin covered in freckles, more concentrated in areas that are often exposed to the sun. He also has a few scars, left over from duels and training sessions. He’s not particularly imposing, but he has charisma to spare, with an intensity in his gaze that melts you completely. Down below, he’s well proportioned, with a tail of average length but thicker so you can feel every movement and pulse. He loves to see how your body reacts when he penetrates you, to feel your drenched walls stretch around him. It’s an attribute he’s proud of because he knows exactly how to use it to get you where he wants you.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Sebastian has an uncontrollable libido, especially with you. Sometimes he’s so obsessed with making love to you he can’t concentrate on anything else until that need is met. He wants you constantly, and his body reacts to the slightest of your provocative gestures. Even a simple smile or caress can make him hard, and he’s often ready for action at the first opportunity. Also, he’s not afraid to express his desire for you, even in inappropriate situations. He’s sometimes amused to see you embarrassed, knowing full well that he’ll get what he wants in the end.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sebastian can be exhausted after sex, especially if you’ve spent most of the night making each other come. But he refuses to go to sleep unless you’re satisfied. He always makes sure you’re comfortable, that you’ve got everything you need before finally drifting off to sleep, often with you snuggled up against him, his hand still possessive over your body.

[leafzu]

What if Levi left the Survey Corps and ran away with you, far away. Where no one would find the two of you. Only you and him. Living life in peace and solace.

Levi quits the Survey Corps for you after the encounter with the female titan. He lost too much and many important people. He doesn’t wanna lose you too and spend the rest of his life in regret. The world he lives in is cruel. And he wants to spend the remaining time of his life with you, some place far away. Just the two of you.

Levi and you leave quietly one dawn. The sun had yet to rise. It was the perfect time. You both take whatever’s important to you and leave on his horse which he brought back with him from the Corps.

Levi and you settle in a quiet countryside much far away from the Corps or any place that might hold trouble. Move in a cottage big enough for the two of you.

Levi and you open a tea shop together. He makes tea while you bake. Sure, it’s not much, but as long as you both are together, nothing else matters to him.

Levi and you hold each other close every night. This is what he always dreamed of. Your fingers playing with his soft hair, his hands around your waist. You know he has trouble sleeping and his insomnia won’t go away in a day. But still, with you by his side every night, Levi now sleeps better than before.

Levi and you both know how cruel this world is. How uncertain and unpredictable things are. Yet, you both long for that one thing silently. Neither has the courage to bring it up. Worried what the latter might think.

Levi was the first to break the silence.

“How do you feel…about..” “About?,” You tilt your head in confusion. Nervousness swallows him whole. “Levi?”

“Starting a family.”

He wanted this for so long.

Levi while being in a relationship with you, before marrying you, would think about the possibility of you two starting a family. Having a baby. But alas, he always pushed it far in the back of his mind. The world you both live in, bringing an innocent child here? That would be selfish. He didn’t have any childhood let alone a good one. But.. would it really be selfish?

Levi is so much in love with you. He loves you so much that, he wants to share a life with you. Build a family. A family to call his own. His own precious world. Was he being selfish? Was it too much to ask for?

Levi’s heart fluttered when you said yes.

Levi would go against the world for you. You’re his world. He would give up anything and everything just to be with you, for you. The love he has for you is just incomparable to anything in this world.

This world was cruel, yet beautiful. He had you by his side. Sure the days weren’t easy, but both of you tried your best to make it to the next day together.

Levi’s heart stopped the day you told him the news. You were expecting. No, you both were expecting. It felt surreal to him. Like a dream. A very good one. Too good in fact.

Levi’s tight embrace around you expressed his happiness and the warmth he was feeling. He was holding his whole world in his arms.

Levi buried his head on your neck and pulled you closer to him, afraid to let go. He was happy, truly happy. But also scared. This was something too good to happen to him.

Levi who vowed from that day onward that he will protect you and your little one with his whole life. The world was dangerous, but he would make sure his little one doesn’t experience the same fate as him.

Levi who doesn’t let you lift a finger in your current state. Heavy lifting? Absolutely not. He’ll do that. Laundry? Done. Cooking? He’s a good cook so, don’t worry. Just lay down and rest.

Levi who always gets you your cravings no matter what time of the day it is. Be it midnight or early hours of the morning he’s always ready.

Levi who falls in love with you all over again. Watching you carry and grow his child, both of yours child is like something magical to him. It’s like you’re glowing. You had that fresh and vibrant aura that Levi can’t get enough of. You looked so so beautiful. Was it the motherhood glow or his undying love for you? Levi doesn’t know, he just knows whatever it is, he loves you so much and the life you’re carrying.

Levi who showers you with affection. Carrying a child isn’t easy. The journey was both a mixture of joy and hardship. And Levi was with you through it all.

Levi who holds you when you cry in the middle of the night because you couldn’t sleep. You wanted to, but couldn’t. Your body was so tired, but the baby wouldn’t stop kicking. He holds you against his chest, one hand intertwined with yours and the other running softly through your hair. Sometimes he would rub your belly to soothe it. And when you would fall asleep he would still be awake, making sure you’re okay. Sleep wasn’t important to him. You were. And your little one.

Levi who drops everything from his hands when he comes back home to you writhing in pain. “Levi..,” you cry out in pain. “Help…me-”

Levi who is with you during your labor. Holding your hand tightly and giving you words of encouragement and praises. “Almost there.” “You’re doing so well.” “Just a little more, I know you can do it” “you’re so strong.”

Levi who freezes when he hears the cries of his newborn.

“It’s a girl.”

Levi kisses your forehead wiping away the tears you cried and sweat you had to break to give birth to your little girl. Whispering infinite ‘thank yous’. His forehead on yours.

“I love you.”

Levi who cries for the first time after a long time when he holds his tiny little girl in his arms. She was so soft, so warm and so tiny. So delicate that he was afraid, afraid of hurting her.

Levi who melts when his baby girl coos and nuzzles into his arms. She was now someone very special and precious to him. Someone he vowed to protect with everything he had. He gently kisses her tiny forehead. “I’m so in love with you, tiny brat.”

Levi always thought he would end up alone in his life. His mother left him at an early age. Kenny didn’t stick around for long. His two closest friends died and he couldn’t do anything. And so he quit the survey corps. Because he wanted you. He wanted to spend his remaining days with you. He didn’t want to see his hands stained in the blood of his comrades and innocent youths dying.

Levi who wrapped his one arm around you while the other held his tiny little girl. Your head on his chest and you poked the little one’s cheeks. “She looks exactly like you. I love that.” And indeed she did. The little one was a copy of her father. The nose, the lips, her hair, everything. Everything except, “The eyes are yours.”

“I love your eyes.”

Levi loves you eternally. His life felt meaningless at one point to him, losing people close to him. But you brought meaning to that life. Before, Levi would only fight to live, to protect. He had a duty towards the people inside the walls. An oath to keep to Erwin. A responsibility towards his squad. But now, he fights everyday so that he can live, for you and your daughter. He fights everyday so that he can see you and your precious one. He wants to be with you. To grow old with you and watch his little one grow.

Levi wasn’t alone anymore. He has a family, someone to love and cherish for the rest of his life. He has you.

And you are all he ever wants.

I love you Levi. Happy Birthday 🍮 ᥫ᭡

[dekariosclan]

Hey it's the NNN anon again

(At least I hope it is, I honestly completely forgot that I wrote that to you. I legit had to reread it to see if I did or didn't-)

Anyways,

Thank you for the delicious meal.

Also another thought,

Imagine Gale (somehow) succeeding NNN and Tav greatly rewarding him.

Well! Considering that we are now into DDD it seems an appropriate time to answer this one 😂

Full answer under the cut because it got spicy!

18+ only under the cut

So, I am a ‘Gale Cums Early’ truther for times when he desperately, ferally wants/needs Tav. I don’t consider that embarrassing or a flaw, I find it hot as hell.

And I feel like this would be one of those times.

He’s used up every last ounce of willpower to deny himself for an entire month. Would a starving man daintily pick at his food selection if a buffet were to suddenly appear before him? Or would he ravenously, gluttonously feast?

But wait, you might argue, he went without sex or masturbation for a whole year while the orb was embedded in his chest, and yet he managed to ‘control’ himself enough to make love to Tav with no…surprises…on that first night in the shadowlands.

Yes indeed—but he’d also had the benefit of nerves then. Of uncertainty about the future. Of not being able to fully lose himself in the experience because he’d needed it to be flawless for Tav as well as for himself.

And most importantly—he hadn’t yet known just how exquisite and magnificent and life-giving each of he and Tav’s unions would be, and how each time would improve upon the last.

None of the incorporeal lovemaking he’d had with Mystra could ever come close to the feeling of sheathing himself in Tav, their taste already on his tongue, their sweat and musk and arousal combining into the most intoxicating perfume he’d ever known—

—and GODS, the incomparable perfection of their thighs clenching around him—!

So you see, when No Nut November ends and Tav is ready to reward him, Gale is READY TO BE RELEASED UNLEASHED REWARDED.

And of course he wants to reward Tav, too—most desperately in fact, because even though they agreed fully with his plan, he wants to make up for lost time and the pleasures he’s denied them as well.

So when the night finally, finally arrives—

Gale, his fingers trailing lovingly down Tav’s cheek, neck, over their chest. Feeling an incomparable heat rising in him, as he lowers his mouth and takes a nipple between his teeth.

Tav running their hands down his back and clawing at his velvet nightshirt—because of course they insisted he wear it—and saying his name over and over like a prayer.

That same nightshirt being disposed of quickly—lest it risk getting torn apart—and Tav’s following. Gale taking one moment to look reverently at his beloved lying beneath him, before capturing their mouth and feasting. No magic necessary; all practiced tongue, gentle teeth, grasping hands, and a hunger that borders on desperation.

Tav’s hand running through his hair, their other hand running over his back. Feeling him harden as he ruts against their thigh. Moving their hand from his back to his stomach, trailing along until they feel his erection, his precum already seeping through his unlaced briefs. Cupping and squeezing his balls, running their hand along his throbbing length, up to the very tip, and then back down his shaft in time with each of his increasingly desperate thrusts, and—

Well.

When he collapses onto them, spent and panting into their neck, he will be nothing if not apologetic:

“Forgive me, my love. I am terribly, terribly out of practice, and you, well—you are simply intoxicating. A mere mortal such as myself does not stand a chance of withstanding your allure. Something that I’ve been aware of from the moment we first lay together.”

Then he’ll take their hand, palm-up, and kiss it deeply, while looking into their eyes.

“How fortunate, then, that I have restoration spells at the ready for just such an outcome,” he’ll whisper, and before Tav can blink, Gale will be guiding their hand to his hardened length once more.

[2truehearts]

✦ — BUT DARLING, YOU ARE THE ONLY EXCEPTION.

✦ CHARACTER/S︰ijekiel alpheus & lucas from wmmap (who made me a princess).

✦ SYNOPSIS︰love can bloom and burn in any heart at the first sunlit-brindled brief—whether it be bounded by duty, ice, or disbelief; as long as that epitome of affection is you, they suppose they can make an exception and make some space—or in which they fall in-love with you first glance and sight.

✦ CONTENT WARNING/S︰nothing other than one swear word (fuck), & the general fluff and infatuation (from the character/s) + everything is proofread with the wc 200 - 300 each.

✦ A/N︰making my debut as a manhwa writer on main is not the ideal move but idk where to post it okay (side eyes the 2367838 sideblogs under this one/silly (also the title is inspired by "the only exception" by paramore <3 it's bleeping awesome go and give it a listen!!))

IJEKIEL IS NOT ONE TO FALL IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, to have his world still for a few seconds while his heart overrides and blood races to the forefront of his cheeks—but dear heavens, were you the only exception to that rule bound by duty and a planned future in his chest. you surely weren’t the epitome of grace or as enchanting as the gods, but to him you were enough—more, than enough, truly.

he first met you in an arrangement of his father and your parents from your vague childhood—but oh, how he remembers every second of that first meeting. when the doors opened to you bowing in front of him with a barely-hidden smile of excitement curving the tips of your mouth to look at him with big, bright eyes of wonder staring directly at the copy of the sun—not once backing down to blink or burn away from awe and fluster. so ijekiel does that instead.  his skin flares with the color of blooming carnations, sunlight-prickled hues wide from childish panic at the sudden increased beating of his heart.  was something wrong with him? he felt light-headed and dizzy, stomach twisting, tossing and turning as if he was about to faint from merely seeing you presented before him like the finest muse of a pristine piece of art, incomparable to anything else other than itself. what should he do? should he compliment you? should he act indifferent and use a practiced smile? his mind is trying to adjust to the drastic changes of his swayed heart, but the boy just can’t seem to do just that when he’s faced with a fairytale protagonist right in front of him—and he blinks, catching something from the corner of his eye—and is brought back down to earth when he sees his father’s questioning gaze. then, bows with a smile, greeting you further in to sit down and perhaps enjoy a cup of tea with him?  you said yes out of common courtesy, but that only made his smile grow wider.

LUCAS FIRMLY DOES NOT BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, like come on—who believes in love like that these days? naive little kids? newly adolescent noble ladies? men of high and poor status? it’s simply too . . . unlikely to actually happen in his eyes. the butterflies when you meet “the love of your life’s” eyes? could be the early signs of constipation. the flush in your cheeks when there’s too much prolonged eye contact with them and the dizziness of your heart and mind? could be an oncoming migraine, headache, or a sign you're being possessed by some evil spirit, y’know? anyways, enough joking aside—the point is, he finds the subject some far-fetched fairytale that is highly impossible even with the magic he has—that is, until, you waltz into his life. the things he feels when he's around you is something that could be described as a contradiction. the first gazing into your eyes turns the world upside and back again, the first brush against your fingertips suck all the air out of his chest, the first chuckle that he manages to rouse from deep within your giddy joy paints him a shade darker than his eyes from head to toe—holy fuck were there a lot of firsts that made him experience everything and anything all at once; with most he can't even explain properly without sounding so . . lovesick. god do you make him sick to the last bone with whatever sorcery you possess. in short; when in love, lucas is everything that correlates to being stupidly infatuated and is constantly reeling himself in by a hair’s breadth back to the surface when you smile, laugh, or simply exist next to him—like, can you imagine how utterly moronic it is to see how degenerate he’s become from before you?! . . . but, if it makes you happy, he’ll gladly be idiotic for the rest of his life (though, that depends if you're gonna annoy him or not).

✦ — @khasmies 2023.

[masdevalliia]

I was rereading Volume III of Frankenstein and I have some things to say about my favorite boy, Henry Clerval.

At the start of the book, the first thing we know about Clerval is that he is a poet whose dream is being frustrated because his father wants him to be an extent of his businesses and fails to understand why Henry would want an education when those things are “superfluous in the commerce of ordinary life”.

Being a merchant is not what disturbs Henry, but the idea of not having another choice; forcing him to be an ignorant who only lives in conformism with no purpose of his own is tortuous enough to make him loathe that path of existence, leading to a desperation and need to escape those restraints and feel that he has a potential that goes beyond the restrictions that have so plagued his daily life.

That's why I think the way in which Henry describes the places that he and Victor visited across Europe is more than just a pretty description of the landscape. The burst of inspiration that he experiments becomes much more personal considering how Victor says that he is feeling "a happiness rarely tasted by man" and Clerval himself lasts a whole page talking in heavy detail about the wonders he can appreciate.

The passion that Henry feels in the journey is so extreme and magical that he is convinced that he found a paradise where all the worlds he created in his head are finally taking form, allowing him to have a perspective that's so much more than Geneva's frozen mountains, even wanting to live forever in England because there he found the fulfillment that he so long sought for.

The delight of Clerval was proportionally greater than mine; his mind expanded in the company of men of talent, and he found in his own nature greater capacities and resources than he could have imagined himself to have possessed while he associated with his inferiors. “I could pass my life here,” said he to me; “and among these mountains I should scarcely regret Switzerland and the Rhine.”

Henry is deeply unsatisfied with the life that has been dictated to him, being in constant search of some place where the sensibility of his heart can flourish and can prove that the person he wishes to be isn't conditioned by the impediments that were told to him during his childhood.

Those aspirations and emotions are the ones that create both his contrast and similarity with Victor; the two of them are equally ambitious and therefore are the ones that know best how to understand each other when everything is going downwards. Henry takes care of Victor when the repent of his actions is too much to allow him to get out of bed and provides him with at least a meager pinch of hope that things will get better, and Victor, even though it's through a eulogy, makes sure to preserve Clerval's memory telling to anyone who would listen about the incomparable potential and kindness that still comforts his poor soul beyond the grave.

Henry's death is cruel in all the ways it can be. It not only takes away the last solace that Victor had, leading him to an extreme of despair that leaves him with no reason for existing. But also makes sound all of Henry's plans for the future like the prayers of a moribund; he stops being a person to become only a tragedy sentenced to be forgotten in the distant shores of Ireland, where he is only a stranger that no one can give a cry to.

Maybe I'm looking too much into it, but this book scares you not for the fact that there's a living corpse, but for the fact that there is no place for hope, and you slowly realize how doomed the situation is while you are forced to see how the misfortune develops, so I wouldn't be surprised if all the possibilities of Henry living a fulfilling life were only shown to be taken away by a whim of fate.

[ladykatibeth]

I disagree with the Beelzebub and Gabriel happened fast because they’ve never had to be afraid take I’ve seen floating around. They both have people working above them who could hurt them.

For Gabriel, it’s Metatron directly above who is also the voice of God, literal creator of the Universe and then, um, God, Creator of the Universe.

God who was willing to cast a bunch of angels, including an archangel, into hell….and it seems to have been a pretty traumatic experience, even for what seems to have been…literally just…having doubts? In Crowley’s case?

Plus Gabriel may be the lead archangel but he’s also at the check of the other archangels….who seem to have been completely secure in their ability to take him down, and Gabriel seemed to have been pretty sure they could too because he ran away.

And they did. As soon as he disagreed. And they could have at any point if they felt they should in the past 6000 years.

And Beelz seems to have less peer based supervision imo, but they also are working for Satan. Whose so frightening that Crowley was literally about to fall down to the ground in terror when he heard him coming.

Here’s where I think the nuance lies, Gabriel and Beelz have power, at the expense of visibility. Every single person in Heaven and Hell is looking at them. They have to interact with the most powerful beings in the universe to see what they need done regularly, they’re called upon to make decisions, if something planned fails everyone will look to them.

They are also powerful, they aren’t as likely to be questioned. They’ve got more magic, they probably don’t have to explain things like what they’re using it for as much as lower demons and angels either.

Aziraphale and Crowley are less powerful but also less visible. If they get their work done, according to Crowley, Hell doesn’t care that much /how/ things get done. Aziraphale and Crowley sometimes do each other’s work for each other.

They also managed to plan to stop the apocalypse behind H&H’s back….they do (or almost) get caught a couple times but they also manage 6000 years of fraternizing without being executed as traitors. Less visibility at the expense of less power, they have more people to be scared of.

What’s actually the difference here is a combination of attachments, recent institutional confusion, and incomparable relationship stages.

I’d argue Crowley and Aziraphale stoping the Apocalypse caused enough confusion to open up space for Beelz and Gabriel to grow closer, that wouldn’t have been available pre-apocalypse, pre-apocalypse Gabriel and Beelzebub would have struggled a lot more with doing regular meetings.

And attachments, both Crowley and Aziraphale are having a kind of moral/idea disagreement here that’s keeping them from being together. Beelz and Gabriel just do not care about things outside each other in the same way Crowley and Aziraphale do. (Not an insult to either of them, btw, C+A have been living on the earth for 6000 years, of course they’ve got more attachments.)

And C+A have had a longer time to establish unhealthy patterns partially caused by a constantly unsafe environment, over 6000 years of relationship development.

Whereas Beelz and Gabriel have been so entrenched in an unsafe environment this is the first time they’ve had a chance to form a non-professional relationship ever, period, let alone establish any patterns, they haven’t interacted with human ideas about romance, like C+A are aware of, which are often silly and insecure and structured, and impact how C+A approach things.

G+B are dealing with love completely instinctively and right now they’re honeymooning.

And this happened after 6000 years of having absolutely no one. And C+A have just made it much easier to interact without retribution……so they’re going hard and heavy and fast.

[somethingwittyandweird]

Dawn of a New Year - 2025

So, once more, the turning of the year is upon us all, and once again I like to take in that an opportunity to recap the things that came before and reorient myself on what is still to come. No further ado needed, let’s start digging into the recently departed 2024.

A lot of the same things that went right in 2023 also went right in 2024, so I’ll list those first. I drew some pretty cool swords again- 5 years running, now. It was still a year full of lots of time spent with friends in person and in internet, and if anything I think I was in more gaming sessions than ever before. I got really into Civilization VI with friends, I had the incredible privilege to enjoy Four Swords for the first time with friends, and I’ve already written about how Splatoon 3 was the game that defined 2024 for me. I connected with so many people over it, and made unforgettable memories. This may be an indication of me being more open to partaking in multiplayer experiences than I’ve been in the past, which, hey, by all means let that continue. 

I don’t know that any particular new media is a standout for 2024- the things I liked previously I still continue to like, but nothing new added itself to my fandoms in a big way. I did listen to the McElroy’s TAZ: Vs Dracula after a while of not being in their sphere, and that was a delightful reminder of what I liked about their style of humor/actual play. Happy to know they’ve still got that magic that made me fall in love with TAZ Balance. And speaking of DnD…

I got to see, not just one, but two long running tabletop campaigns to completion this past year. One was an excellent Pathfinder isekai adventure to save the new world from the echoes of the old, run by @prismaticate. The other… was the best experience I think I’ve had in DnD. It’s been my longest and most consistent tabletop experience, and I didn’t think much when I began but as time went on, it turned into the *quintessential* campaign for me. I got to play through the campaign people imagine when asked to call to mind a DnD campaign; high fantasy adventure spanning the globe, godly emissaries, demonic invasions, perilous dungeons, extraplanar travel, epic fights, and unlikely heroes rallying against a powerful adversary for the fate of the world. I’ve never had the chance to see an OC’s arc to full completion like I did here, and it’s the highest honor I could enshrine my planologer warlock, Val, with. Endless thanks to the incomparable GM work of @imperatortez, and to my fellow players, for making Falamoore a campaign I’ll remember forever.

Outside of media and the things I do with friends, I did take some real life steps that made the year feel accomplished. I got to travel for business for the first time in my life (super cool experience, if just for the novelty). I successfully navigated switching health insurance providers and shouldered that adult burden without too much trouble. And I took classes again! I got to be in a college band ensemble for the first time in years, which was wonderful, and added an introductory paralegal course just to satisfy some long-held curiosity. Being back in an academic environment after so long felt as good as I knew it would, but more than that, it felt like I was finally taking steps towards a direction- that I wasn’t just settling for where I was.

I said last year, and the year before that, that I’m still waiting for a change in my life to happen- that where I am is comfortable and not easy to leave, but notwithstanding I would like to move into the next thing sooner or later, and the only question has been where between sooner and later that watershed is. As it turned out, 2024 wasn’t the year for that change either, even though in my own mental accounting I was kind of curious if it might be. It would fit nicely with the way my life’s cadence has been in fours since high school; four years of high school, four years of undergrad, then for years of this job before four years of the next thing. It didn’t happen that way, which is fine- it was an arbitrary enough pattern. So we’re spending five years where we are, and that’s alright by me. Five years isn’t a lot of time in some respects, even if it feels like it is in others. I still think I could stay exactly where I am for a couple more years and nothing bad would come of it.

But regardless of any arbitrary deadlines I did or didn’t meet, I did take those exploratory steps. And I still feel the change coming. And I think I can say it is closer now. It’s too far away to grab from where I am, there’s more groundwork that needs to be laid first, more steps that I need to take. But it feels… almost in reach. Maybe it’s time to start stretching more.

I’m hopeful to find out what I can achieve this next year. More than that- and this may just be the New Year’s zeal talking, but even so- I intend to find out. I intend to do more of the things that I liked this year that were good. I intend to spend more time with friends, deepening those connections, sharing more meals, sharing conventions and experiences, building things together. I intend to tackle gaming with the same zeal that blazed through much of my backlog this last year.

It’s always hard for me to make proper resolutions or definite goals, to say that I Won’t or that I Will have something done by a date. I think it leaves too much room for my brain to say ‘if I Haven’t by the date, then my own credibility to myself is tarnished.’ I'm compelled to allow for changing circumstances, for unknown factors. Even here I still don’t feel like putting things into hard numbers. But I do feel good about saying that, by the end of 2025, I will have accomplished a lot. And it feels good that that feels good.

I hope that your 2025 is a year of accomplishment as well, whatever that looks like to you. Whether that’s achieving a long held dream of your own, making time for joyful moments or connections, working on a better habit or some other internal improvement, or, at the end of the day, just making it through a turbulent world intact- that’s an accomplishment too.

I look forward to seeing what’s in store for each of us. Thanks for continuing to make my life better each year. 

Happy 2025.

[gabiioartist]

"reina realized the sound in her head, the scream, was her own. Anger or anguish, misery or mourning, all of the above. She felt the softness of earth beneath her hands and realized she was kneeling prostrate, channeling her pain into the sympathy of sodden ground. She felt something lashing gently over her forearms, slithering out from her pals. Like vines; like threads of consequence." and/or "Yes, Callum thought, I understand it now, Tristan, the meaning of life, it all makes sense. We are given exactly as much time as we need to be a human as we are, and that's it. That's the entirety of the magic. We're not gods, or maybe you are, or Reina is, but I'm not a god, Tristan, I'm just very sad and stupid! I have been looking for inspiration and it turns out I'm not inspired, I'm lazy! I only want to hold your hand! I don't wan't to rule the world, I don't want to control it, I don't even want to influrence it. I want to sit beside you in a little garden, I want to put your needs before mine, I want to laugh at your jokes, even the bad ones, and bury my head in proverbial sands." and/or “This was it, the chronic condition—the only meaning Parisa had left in life. It wasn’t a secret society, it wasn’t an ancient library, it wasn’t an experiment that had taken two decades to design, it was waking up every fucking morning and deciding to keep going. The tiny, unceremonious, incomparable miracle of making it through another goddamn day. The knowledge that life was mean and it was exacting. It was cruel and it was cursed; it was recalcitrant and precious. It was always ending. But it did not have to be earned.”

second piece from my review of @olivieblake 's the atlas series. I love these characters so deeply, and these three in particular, in their twisted discoveries of their personnal philosophies, and what ever can let them survive, was inspiring to read, and meant a lot to me. all three piece's speedpaints are up on my youtube channel!:)

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: Until We Meet Again Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. In a LONG POST, I’m writing today about New Siwaj’s incomparable drama, Until We Meet Again.]

TW: suicide, suicidal ideation, psychological trauma

Gah. I am so psyched to be finally sitting down to write my thoughts on Until We Meet Again, but I’m actually at a bit of a loss on where to start. There is SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

I think, where I can start, is to first say that this was, in my opinion, AN ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR SHOW. I did NOT expect this, at all. I’ve been around the way with New Siwaj, the UWMA screenwriter and director, a few times now for the OGMMTVC -- his writing on Love Sick, his work with Cheewin on Make It Right, and his work on MAME’s novel in Love By Chance have all been on the OGMMTVC list. I know that Between Us, the UMWA WinTeam continuation, was considered mostly a let-down for weak writing, and that New’s more recent shows, including A Boss and a Babe and Double Savage, were viewed quite critically (although I am a Double Savage apologist, for which I’ll explain my viewpoints later in this post). 

So. What I did not expect from 2019′s UWMA was to experience so many layers in a drama à la the work of Aof Noppharnach. Yes, I cannot believe I’m going here, to compare a New Siwaj drama to Aof’s oeuvre, but damn if I will, because good lord, New took his magic hat of tricks, pulled out THE GOOD STUFF, and made it all work. 

This is a list of themes that I saw in UWMA, that will help me structure this long write-up, but by no means should it be considered complete, as I’m sure I’m missing themes that you all likely caught in your watches and re-watches:

1) A new narrative structure for New -- balancing the impact of side couples by leveraging focus, equally, on two MAIN couples 2) The continuation and end of the 2019 trend of reincarnation and spiritual connections to love 3) Intergenerational queer trauma (micro-level) 4) Generational acceptance of queerness (macro-level) 5) Food and its Proustian effect on memory 6) Reflections on filial piety and the devastating effects of expectations -- and how children and parents seek redemption, particularly in New’s work

And before I even dive into THIS list, can I just say: MY GOD, FLUKE AND OHM. And Earth and Kao! But FLUKE AND OHM. Jesus, does New have an eye for talent -- from the Make It Right guys, to Perth and Saint, and then to Fluke and Ohm. I was seriously TAKEN with their chemistry. I did hear from a number of folks during my UWMA live-blogging that they can’t rewatch UWMA because of Fluke/Pharm’s rendition of the blushing maiden trope, but for my tastes -- I think the way he rendered the trope was really necessary to communicating Intouch’s story, history, and emotions, and just -- Fluke just ATE this role, my gawd. And Ohm/Dean responding in kind vis à vis Korn’s regret. YOW. It’s been a few days since I finished the show, in a total RUSH of drama hunger, and I’m still shaking my head and MARVELING at their performance.

Okay, back to the themes list. So, early in my Thai BL journey in the fall of 2022, after I had watched KinnPorsche and The Eclipse as my first two Thai BLs, I watched A Tale of Thousand Stars (way before the OGMMTVC was born), and noted that I appreciated the lack of side couples in the ATOTS storyline. I now realize, through the OGMMTVC, that side couples are both a BL trope and a byproduct of the drama styles from which BLs were born, the ensemble-based dramas like Love Sick, Senior Secret Love, and Kiss/Kiss Me Again.

New’s Make It Right -- while beloved in my heart, for the chaotic duos of TeeFuse and FrameBook -- WAS messy, with all the other couple stuff happening around it. That, along with Love By Chance, made me wonder -- why do BLs that center fabulous dyads with sizzling chemistry take away from that energy with all the side couple action? Even Together With Me, a non-New Siwaj and non-GMMTV drama, got sidelined in part with a VERY questionable side couple plot in BrightFarm.

Reflecting back on KP and The Eclipse, I had that question in mind as I started UWMA, and wondered where the Alex and WinTeam storylines were going to go. But, frankly, I ended up appreciating what NEEDED to happen with DeanPharm and KornIntouch, because -- the original novel storyline clearly demanded that these two couples, who were NOT side couples, but MAIN couples, needed a MAIN spotlight for their collective story to be told. @clairificusrex mentioned in a liveblog comment (THANK YOU, LOVELY HUMAN!) that New Siwaj benefitted in the screenplay from having a wonderful original novel to work with, and while I don’t read Y Series canon, I can only imagine that this was indeed the case.

So, New, in order to hew to the novel, had to perhaps hold back his usual instincts to muss up the main couple vibe, by centering DeanPharm and KornIntouch. With that control necessary to the story -- I think the narrative STRUCTURE of the drama just blew open. It was FASCINATING, it drew me in, and the structure allowed for another New predilection to be leveraged WELL, in his love for flashbacks. @lurkingshan, you mentioned that your taste wasn’t necessarily aligned with New’s fancy for flashbacks, which I totally understand -- I think flashbacks hurt the overall narrative structure of Double Savage earlier this year. But I think, here for UMWA, they were necessary, and I might very well be apologetic to that considering what I DID see in Double Savage by way of the story that New ended up screenwriting over there in regards to intergenerational family trauma (again, more on this later in the post).

This narrative structure lent itself handily to the next four themes on this list, all of which deal in memory, in spiritual roots, and/or in the generational passage and inheritance of trauma and emotion. 2019, as we know now, was a big year for shows themed around Thai spiritual culture and/or reincarnation. We have He’s Coming To Me, we have Dew the Movie -- we have art here, queer-centered art, that does not lend itself to happy endings, that depicts, through reincarnation or, in the case of HCTM, a ghostly purgatory, how DIFFICULT it had been to be comfortably queer and/or openly out in past and present Thailand.

And then UWMA comes along, telling TWO generational stories, intertwined by the red thread, but also, in the words of the WONDERFUL @bengiyo, connected by Korn and Intouch’s intergenerational queer trauma, the most PERFECT coinage of a theme for this show. In 1988, when Korn and Intouch die, they cannot be out. They cannot even be SECRETLY in love. Their bad dads use the foulest of language to describe their love (much like Phop’s dad in Dew). And Korn kills himself, and Intouch follows.

And what we learn, through Dean and Pharm, are the emotions, the regrets, the LEARNED BEHAVIOR that Korn and Intouch have picked up on in the afterlife, embedded in Dean and Pharm, that keeps Korn and Intouch’s love alive, with CORRECTIONS and ADJUSTMENTS made by Dean and Pharm that reflect on how not only Korn and Intouch’s love has changed and improved, but also how Dean and Pharm are learning how to love EACH OTHER, themselves, as they adjust to their OWN belonging to each other, in Pharm’s own words. GAH -- my aching heart. (Thank you to @lurkingshan for talking this through with me early on in my UWMA watch.)

I mean. THE DEPTH OF THIS. Intouch is a terrible cook, and Pharm is like, a restaurant-level chef?! Pharm is so resistant, and Dean is so FORWARD? (OHM THITIWAT, GAH!!!) (Listen. Pharm. P’Deeeean can grab MY butt, okay?) (See what I did there, @lurkingshan and @bengiyo? THANK YOOOOUU.)

And Pharm’s blushing maiden approach. Yes, I will also admit, that sometimes, it was a little cringey. But I think the blushing maiden trope was really necessary to the story -- ESPECIALLY IN THE CONTEXT of Intouch’s anger, ciphered through Pharm in the last episode. And I think that Fluke Natouch ultimately rendered the trope beautifully -- again, especially against the gorgeous ending of the show. Oh, THAT CONDO SCENE, PEOPLE. I LOST IT. 

Of course, Intouch would want to hold back through Pharm in the present day. If Intouch DIDN’T hold back vis à vis Pharm -- he might lose Korn again, if Pharm missteps with Dean. Intouch may have felt that HIS forwardness lent to their troubles -- so Intouch holds back, through Pharm. And Intouch ultimately communicates his love for Korn differently in the afterlife, more hesitantly -- through a resistance to intimacy, and through food and cooking in Pharm, which itself was another amazing move in this show.

Listen. Even my pinned post says what I value in dramas, not just in BLs. You give me food in BL, and I give you my heart. But also, let’s talk about the meaning of food in Asian dramas for a second. It’s no coincidence that MANY Asian dramas and doramas center food, including my favorite BL of all time, Kinou Nani Tabeta/What Did You Eat Yesterday?. If you don’t know Asians, of any ilk -- let me make a BROAD continental and sub-continental judgement. ALL WE THINK ABOUT IS FOOD, lol. While I’m with my family, while I’m working, while I’m writing meta -- I’m thinking about food, I’m thinking about what I want to cook, what I want to order, how I can mix the cuisines I love (Thai-Indian curries, anyone? YUM). Malaysians literally boast about having multiple meals, way past three meals, a day. We Asians are proud of our cuisines, and we want y’all to be EATING, A LOT, and to try all our dishes. (ITSAY, your Hokkien mee is calling me...) 

But, also: FOOD MEANS FAMILY. Let me say it again: FOOD MEANS FAMILY. You FEED the people you LOVE, with delicious food. Shiro and Kenji. Kurosawa and Adachi. The guys in Jack o’Frost. The guys in The Eighth Sense. Omg, even Kinn and Porsche. We’re seeing it in Tokyo In April Is... And Pharm, to Dean, Intouch to Korn.

And BESIDES Intouch/Pharm becoming a great cook, GOD, the story ALSO INCLUDED the Proustian reference of the madeleine and involuntary memory -- but in SUCH a stunning way, as to RECALL DEAN’S FAMILIAL MEMORY of eating his grandmother’s Thai desserts -- his grandmother, Intouch’s sister, and how Dean could get an indirect spotlight into Intouch and a depth of an understanding of Intouch’s happiness besides his love for Korn. And how Pharm EMBODIED that love for Thai desserts through Intouch’s family lineage. Oh, just get me MESSY, PEOPLE. FUCKING GENIUS SHIT. 

Memory on memory on memory. Dream on dream, nightmare on nightmare, tears and red threads, inherited trauma, intergenerational trauma. The micro-level of what Dean and Pharm had to live with on a daily basis in their recollections of Korn and Intouch. The macro-level of what Pharm and Dean experienced when all of their parents accepted them for who they were as queer individuals, and their partners, as well. How Dean’s dad could ACTUALLY RELATE to Dean himself, because Dean’s dad had been rejected by Dean’s mother’s family. And how that ALLOWED Dean’s dad to accept Dean and his choice to be with Pharm. How that trauma was relieved, how Dean and Pharm DID NOT HAVE TO PHYSICALLY RELIVE what Korn and Intouch had gone through, and how those involuntary memories that Dean and Pharm carried vis à vis Korn and Intouch traumatized them until Dean and Pharm could RECEIVE their OWN familial acceptance.

The LAYERS OF THIS SHOW. Before I get to the last theme on my list, I really just need to metaphorically slam my palms on an allegorical table and give New Siwaj a huge hug, because THIS SHIT IS NOT EASY TO PROCESS ALL AT ONCE, and I can’t wait to do a UWMA rewatch to try to catch more (and I’ll likely need to write another meta, ha, when I do that). I mean, again, just to use food as an example of a kind of storytelling TOOL to INDICATE memory, especially in the context of lost and found love, of intergenerational trauma and relieving regret -- BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT.

And. The last theme on the list, the theme of filial piety, of Asian family systems and devotion and loyalty and expectations, and the devastating effects on the micro-individual level (and even the macro-social level as well) that those expectations can have. 

So, I watched Double Savage, screenwritten by New Siwaj, out of order from UWMA. Very quickly, since many of you have likely NOT watched Double Savage because it’s not a BL (but it DID have Ohm Pawat and Perth Tanapon in a hose-off scene -- you can’t take the New Siwaj out of New Siwaj, amirite): Double Savage is about Korn (Ohm P.), a middle son who is branded a jinx by a HORRENDOUS Thai-Chinese father, and how the abuse leveled on Korn by his dad has intergenerational ripple effects across their family and community. 

Let’s break this down. I now know that New Siwaj does bad dads from Thai-Chinese lineage very well. UWMA’s Korn is expected to take over a mafia business. His dad is disapproving that Korn doesn’t want to take over the business -- which is an UNQUESTIONABLE and EMBEDDED expectation in most Asian family lineages (hello, Jeng and Step By Step) -- AND Korn’s dad is ALSO disapproving in Korn’s love for Intouch and vice versa. Separately, Intouch’s dad is disapproving that Intouch is in love with Korn, a mafia scion. 

Modern times are modern for a reason. 1988 was 31 years from 2019. I want to emphasize here the understanding that Korn and Intouch likely had -- that besides running away, there was no other existence for them to be together than to kill themselves and be together in the afterlife. And running away, and still living and existing, would have been a guilt-ridden and dangerous existence, for what Asian children are expected to do and live for vis à vis their parents. Korn likely HAD NO OTHER IMAGINATION for a life that he could live OTHER THAN to take over his father’s business and to be a heteronormative adult in the late 1980s. And, to top that all off, both of their dads were fucking assholes. 

I really liked how this was juxtaposed to the relationship between Dean and his father. Dean was clearly set up to be as stubborn as his dad. Meaning, at least to me -- that Dean was FAR less likely to be told what to do by his dad, that Dean would and maybe COULD, stand up to his dad. We didn’t see it happen, but I could have imagined Dean not accepting “no” for an answer from his dad to accept Pharm. (Makes you think about Pat, Pran, and Ming, no?) Dean had Korn in him. Dean/Korn was NOT GOING TO TAKE THAT SHIT AGAIN, and that was CLEAR. I want to emphasize: THAT’S BIG. That was BIG on New Siwaj and the UWMA novel writer to include that in the story. That’s parental defiance. That needed to happen in order for Dean and Pharm to survive. As an Asian, that gives me a kick of welcome energy.

But I also really want to note what New Siwaj did at the end of the show, something so deft, it might have left non-Asian viewers wondering what was going on. In the condo scene, Dean and Pharm are ciphering Korn and Intouch -- and when Korn’s father shows up in the wheelchair, Korn’s father knows what’s happening.

And Korn apologizes to his dad. Korn had already apologized to Intouch, but Korn also apologizes to his dad, and to his brother, and to his nephew in Sin. This really gets me, y’all, I understand this as an Asian. Korn is APOLOGIZING for the PAIN he caused in his family AND in Intouch, because -- filial piety. He knows what he did to himself was devastating to the Asian family system he was born into, to the Asian society he was born into, and he apologized for the suicide he committed unto himself that caused that extra-social pain. 

Like. As crazy as that sounds, it’s also an INCREDIBLY SOPHISTICATED way to ACKNOWLEDGE that Korn had broached a social boundary, and Intouch had followed him. THAT IS A HELL OF A LAYER TO ADD TO THIS STORY, ONE THAT I DID NOT EXPECT, and that SHOOK ME at the end of this series.

A similar situation happened in Double Savage. Despite the horrendous psychological abuse that Double Savage’s Korn received from his father -- an adult Korn ends up apologizing to his father for the trouble that HE may have caused. Now, what I appreciated about Double Savage was that THAT dad was like -- no, no, *I* should be the one apologizing. BUT, I want to indicate and emphasize here, that BOTH storylines acknowledge that Asian children NEED to know, SHOULD know, ARE BORN TO KNOW, that their actions have collective effects on a wider family system. We are born to understand and think like that. We are not dealing with an individualist Western perspective here. (I literally FLIPPED when I realized that New Siwaj has had MULTIPLE CHARACTERS NAMED KORN APOLOGIZING TO BAD DADS, and I’m an Asian over here UNDERSTANDING WHY, and I’m just like, pfffftt GGGAAAHHHH.)

Why am I harping on this? BECAUSE: vis à vis EVERYTHING ELSE that is lineage-based in this story -- from children being born, to intergenerational trauma, to reincarnation -- UWMA is structured around an über-macro theme of worlds being linked, by threads, by genes, by history, by spirit, by trauma. We are collectively linked. Babies are born -- we saw many babies in this show. Children belong to families. Lovers belong to lovers. Dean PHYSICALLY belongs to Intouch’s family, and Pharm to Korn’s family. A happy existence will be when a family accepts a child’s partner. Happiness is in a family growing, not a family shrinking. Warmth and growth and love happens when a happy family sits at a table and eats together. 

As Pharm says at the end of the show -- oh, my HEART -- “I belong to Dean.” Yes, you do -- because you have become Dean’s family, and Dean has become Pharm’s family. Korn’s family BELONGS to Intouch’s family, and vice versa. They are destined, MEANT to be linked together, AND TO BE FAMILY, ALL TOGETHER.

Kurosawa and Adachi become family in the Cherry Magic movie. WDYEY’s Shiro and Kenji become family by way of living and eating together. Even if BBS’s Ming doesn’t acknowledge Pran -- Pran is Ming’s family. LOVE. MAKES. FAMILY.

What Korn apologized for was the impact his decision had on his family — WHILE HE WAS IN LOVE WITH INTOUCH, WHO KORN’S FAMILY WAS NOT ALLOWING KORN TO MAKE AS KORN’S NEW FAMILY in the 1980s. Korn was able to apologize in the afterlife — BECAUSE Dean and Pharm DID WHAT HE AND INTOUCH COULD NOT DO, by way of generations, by way of family acceptance, by way of inherited trauma and STOPPING that inherited trauma in its tracks -- very much like Pat and Pran banding together and doing the same for themselves. Dean and Pharm did the hard work of making the relationship a real one, in every aspect of their intimate, micro-level family lives, to a public, external existence in the world. Korn could FINALLY experience the release of GUILT he had towards Intouch and towards Korn’s family, now that Korn’s love for Intouch could FINALLY flourish outside the constraints of filial piety through Dean. THIS IS HUGE. I have no words to tell you what the BRILLIANCE of this means to me as an Asian. LOVE MAKES FAMILY, and LOVE THAT IS ALLOWED TO FLOURISH GIVES YOU THE RELEASE TO BE YOUR TRUE SELF. 

Dean had learned from the inherited trauma that he got from Korn that he needed to stop the trauma train in his tracks, and he did, and he confronted his father, and his father blessed the union of Dean and Pharm. When Dean took the gun away from Pharm, and embraced Pharm, Korn and Intouch KNEW that they could finally be safe in the afterlife. Dean and Pharm were the ciphers that finally ALLOWED Korn and Intouch to exist happily together in spirit. Korn, especially, could exist freely, now that he was relieved of his guilt. Dean and Pharm were, LITERALLY, Korn and Intouch’s FAMILY -- the FAMILY that ALLOWED the FINAL RELEASE for Korn and Intouch to be together as their true selves and spirits. 

And Dean and Pharm confirmed that in FRONT of the family member, in Korn’s father, that had originally caused all this pain. The intricate layers, communicated to a primarily Asian audience, of Korn apologizing to his father, and then of Dean embracing Pharm and confirming their love AND Korn and Intouch’s love, in front of that former barrier -- that is GROWTH and FLOURISHING in the face of generational defiance, and about as sophisticated and eloquent a communication of familial transcendence as I could possibly imagine seeing in Asian drama art. WHOA. I’m a little out of breath with this.

Wow. And speaking of being one’s true self: I deeply loved that Dean and Pharm took a three-month break. I loved that Pharm was smart and strong enough to demand a break to understand if DEAN and PHARM -- INDEPENDENT of ANYTHING they had INHERITED from ANYONE -- actually loved each other and belonged together. Fuck. Pharm was like, no -- this one’s on me. I need to see, outside of ANY INFLUENCES, FROM ANYONE, ANYWHERE -- if I love Dean, if Dean loves me, and if we belong together. Brave. Badass.

AND, I truly loved how Korn and Intouch -- DEAN AND PHARM’S FAMILY -- came BACK to Dean and Pharm’s dreams to offer thanks. I loved how, in the end, the past and his family came back to give Pharm that little contextual nudge to say to Pharm, it’s okay to love Dean for Dean, AND to love how you two came together, through Korn and Intouch. And Pharm could acknowledge, finally, that he belonged to Dean. God damn.

This story was so multilayered, SO complex, SO filled with a respect for love at its highest and most complicated levels. This story was filled with CRITICAL SCRUTINY towards Asian family systems and the trauma that those systems can render. This story was filled with an acknowledgement for the power of LOVE that those same family systems can offer unto children who NEED pillars of love and support (Pharm’s mom and brother, badasses!). 

Y’ALL. I just, I DID NOT KNOW that New Siwaj could DO THIS! I know that UWMA is considered his best show, but like, this is his best show BY A LOT, A LOT. Double Savage, in contrast, had a lot of narrative and structural issues that detracted from the core stories of filial piety that were ultimately very important to tell. 

UWMA did not fall into that trap. It was SMART, it MOVED (FOR SEVENTEEN EPISODES! I SLAMMED THIS SERIES! I could have watched MORE, I cannot believe I’m SAYING THAT!), it was. It was just BRILLIANT. It was an ode to romantic love, to family love, to the power of memory. In 2019, it joined He’s Coming To Me in a burgeoning echelon of cinema-influenced BLs in storytelling, soon to be joined by I Told Sunset About You, ATOTS, and others. It took the sad endings of He’s Coming To Me and Dew the Movie and said -- not today. Today, we will let love LIVE, let QUEER LOVE live, in REAL LIFE, in REAL TIME, and we will not let our lovers live in regret. We will take queer love, we will give queer love FAMILY, and we will give it the HONOR IT DESERVES.

Until We Meet Again is a must-watch of the highest order, and goes on the shortlist of shows that I will refer to as one that makes me proud to be an Asian. It was easily one of the most important shows I’ve watched in this project. All credit to New, Fluke, Ohm, Earth, and Kao for a PHENOMENAL experience -- my heart and mind have been bettered because of this show. 

[FLUKE. AND. OHM. Fluke and Singto coming thru in Shadow the Series? Sign me the FUCK up. Actors on actors. WOW. Did UWMA ever introduce me to another crop of dudes who can fucking tear up a screen. I had SO much fun watching UWMA, whew!

And, yep. I had to follow this up with 2gether, ha. I’m going to spare myself a little pain, if y’all don’t mind, and combine my write-up of 2gether with Still 2gether. I know there’s a lot to be said about the lack of intimacy in 2G, which I can’t wait to dive into, but I can’t help but to also run into another wall of analysis with dear P’Aof’s work in S2G. I’ll make it all work!

After I get myself together with 2gether (HA) -- it’s ITSAY time. I will be planning on watching ITSAY TWICE before writing, as I’m preparing myself to catch EVERYTHING I can before I pen words. Stay tuned.

Status of the list below. As always -- if you have feedback, send it my way!

1) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 2) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 3) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 4) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 5) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 6) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 7) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 8) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 9) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 10) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 11) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 12) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (I’m watching this out of order just to get familiar with OffGun before Theory of Love -- will likely not review) 13) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 14) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (not a BL or an official part of the OGMMTVC watchlist, but an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 15) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 16) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020)  17) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (watching) 18) I Told Sunset About You (2020) 19) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) 20) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) 21) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 22) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS 23) Lovely Writer (2021) 24) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) 25) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 26) Not Me (2021-2022) 27) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 28) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 29) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 30) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 31) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 32) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 33) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 34) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 35) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 36) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults)]

[rivetgoth]

For years I’ve asserted that my top 3 alltime favorite bands are Skinny Puppy, IAMX, and Severed Heads. I obviously have tons and tons of bands I adore but I feel those three capture something very very special and embody something unique only to them that just excites me in a way incomparable to any other band, like they feel like total magic and have elicited responses from me that encompass the full range of human emotion, plus neither have anything I actively dislike (there are a few bands cough cough Ministry who have eras that I adore but have enough I genuinely dislike that I can’t in good faith call them an all time favorite), and they have extensive enough discographies (this is purely a personal thing but it feels odd to say a band with like 2-3 albums alone is an all time favorite? idk? something about having a breadth of music to analyze or select to listen to…) but anyway, it occurred to me on Saturday night that of those 3 IAMX is the only one still around anymore… obviously Skuppy and SH are still around in some capacity with the members doing their own things but they have both formally disbanded. But not only that—I saw the final show for both of these bands. I was there in Chicago when Tom Ellard announced it was Severed Heads’ last show during “Wonder Of All The World” and I was there for the last show of Skuppy’s final tour when Ogre smashed Cedric up on the stage and handed him out piece by piece to the audience. IAMX now holding the reigns as the final band still active is actually really wild to fully comprehend. I’m so glad that he’s still putting out music and touring and continuing to experiment and do things that I really love.

[renmackree]

Writing Patterns

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

I was tagged by the lovely and incomparable @eevylynn I've never really thought about patterns but I'm sure there is one. Let's dive in.

[Derek]: Bringing Cora home, be back when I can. In Love's Labyrinth || Sterek A N G S T

“Shoes?” Small Town Logic || Sterek Kid Fic AU

“You don’t think that’s strange?” Weirder Things || Sterek Alpha bait Derek

“We’re LATE!”  Maid in Manhattan: A Sterek Retelling || Sterek Omega Derek MPREG

“FBI Cyber Crime Unit, Special Agent Stilinski speaking, how may I assist you?” The Wedding Date || Sterek Fake Relationships

Stiles’ breath caught in his throat as he ran through the snowy landscape; his lungs burned with every breath in. and eat it too || Sterek PWP

Eli slammed the hatchback trunk quickly to keep everything from falling out, watching as the bags pressed against the window. The Kid's Alright || Sterek Slice of life with Eli

“When did you start having magic?” My Mother Told Me || Sterek AU - Emissary Stiles

Stiles Stilinski had an itch. The Itch || Sterek BDSM WIP

Stiles had more than his fair share of near-death experiences; they weren't really something you ever forgot or grew used to. Eclipse of the Dawn || Sterek Twilight Retelling, Book three

Yep, I like starting with dialogue. sue me. Low stake tags and I tried not to tag those who I saw tagged already! - @quackquackcey; @arver7; @whimsicalmeerkat; @definitivelydrivel; @leodabinchy; @triskhellion; @raisesomehale; @equallyloyalandlethal

[frayedcobweb]

Such a special experience, I got to see the immortal Jack Harkness, the incomparable John Barrowman at Armageddon (my country's Comicon). He is such a magical human and it was amazing to see his panel/performance and get a photo with him. Lol ignore my excited photo-face, I have to work on it xD

(His t-shirt says 'Chaotic Queer'. What a legend.)

Haha and ignore my terrible singing voice, I didn't realize I was so loud and off key xD

[galesdevoteewife]

Gale's Act 2 option, astral or physical?

[ Act 2 Gale's romance spoiler alert ]

Inspired by this post, very well written and structured!

I personally have bias and lean towards the astral option. Magic is Gale's language and, in my view, denying the astral option is akin to rejecting his heartfelt crafted love poem and saying "You're attractive and that's good enough for me." It somehow feels... cold to me, not to mentioned he looked disappointed. I don't think loving him as a man should mean nudging him to look away from magic completely, but that's an essay for another day. Gale is a character who values mental connection over physical interaction. If he must choose between having someone's soul or body, I think he would opt for the former without hesitation.

Gale had stated strongly how much he valued his privacy multiple times, yet he was willing to share "The center of his universe" with the player—a room filled with things he genuinely loves. Art, music, knowledge—all in this small, comfortable space. My canon is he wanted to show the player the real person behind his constant, thick, concrete pompous facade. It's not a room for hosting banquets, but a private sanctuary where books are scattered on the floor and undergoing experiment unfolded on the table.

Considering he believed it might be his last night, I think he wanted to share this intimate space because he wanted them to remember the true Gale, his core essence. I think if there's one memory he could carve into their mind, he would want it to be this—an experience only he can provide, an incomparable memory for a lifetime. Nonetheless what the player wants would be very important to him too since he is the "Anything I can do for you consider it most enthusiastically done™" BUT character development/story arc speaking, my vote goes to the astral option <3

[animehouse-moe]

The Best of 2023 Anime

First of all, I have to say that this isn't my idea: it's @444lpblue's idea. I'm just stealing it getting to it it before they do.

Anyways, the idea was to pick the best for several categories in relation to anime from 2023, and share why they were chosen. This doesn't necessarily mean I'll be picking my favorites from the year, but what I think is the best of the best, so there'll be a few interesting choices made (but I think that makes it more fun). Enough preamble though, I should just get to sharing my list.

Best Show - Heavenly Delusion

I don't think this one is much of a surprise. Heavenly Delusion, by and large, is an outstanding show (and adaptation) in all meanings of the word.

I think the best way to explain what constitutes a "best show" is by asking the question: how much of the medium does this series make use of?

With Heavenly Delusion? The answer is effectively everything. Visual storytelling, auditory cues, leading the viewer visually, incredible foreshadowing, expressive and detailed character acting, apt humor, incredible visual effects. The list goes on and on. Frieren was a great show, Skip and Loaf was a great show, The Witch From Mercury was a great show. But the best can't fall short in nearly any category, and Heavenly Delusion successfully evades that pitfall at every twist and turn within its twelve episodes.

Personally speaking, it was a show for the ages. Sure, we have Frieren pushing the boundaries in terms of visual quality in a seasonal anime, but I think the difference in terms of experience between Frieren and Heavenly Delusion is night and day- an entirely incomparable experience.

Best Movie - The Boy and The Heron

I mean, is there really another choice? The Black Clover movie was good, the Kaguya movie was good. Suzume, The First Slam Dunk, Blue Giant. There are quite a few good movies out there, but let's be real- you just can't win if you're against Miyazaki.

Best Episode - Heavenly Delusion Episode 10

Yeah yeah, sue me, I picked something a lot of people have also picked. But just know in the deepest parts of my heart that this would always be my pick. Junichi's character arc and its expression through this episode is sublime. Ikarashi's insane Trigger style meshing with Hirotaka's more voyeuristic appeal is sublime. The panic of Kiruko as she runs with the baby, the goofy and excessive humor that opens the episode, all the various examples of symbolism. The art shifting art styles, the different approaches to animation. The list quite honestly does not end. While some might argue for Frieren's dragon episode as the entry for best of the year, I think the frame of reference for that argument is far too narrow. The perspective of animation and visuals above all else completely fails in the face of holy trinity of Masakazu Ishiguro, Mori Hirotaka, and Kai Ikarashi. You just cannot beat it, and you can't argue it in any way.

Best Opening - Magical Destroyers

It was a toss up between this and Heavenly Delusion, but I just can't get rid of this opening in my head. It's like a plague that's taken me over. Incredible visuals, incredible boards and animation work, and just an incredible testament to Jun Inagawa's art. Heavenly Delusion's OP is very good, but in a way can, oddly enough, feel too literal in comparison to the comparatively indecipherable story that the OP of Magical Destroyers tells. Really, just wonderful work all around that I desperately wish could have extended to the anime itself.

Best Ending - Magical Destroyers

This was always a one person race. Would it be Taiki Konno's Magical Destroyers ending, or would it be Taiki Konno's Undead Unluck ending?

Personally, I don't think there was much of a contest between the two purely because of the story told with the Magical Destroyers ending. I think that giving Konno a static ending also helped a great deal as they were able to explore their vision in much greater detail than having to animate directly.

But that's also the beauty of Inagawa's appeal, really. Konno and Inagawa got along like a house on fire with this ending, and adding The 13th Tailor's music overtop just brought it to a totally different level. Still a massive massive favorite of mine.

Best Animation Designs - Trigun Stampede

Now, just hear me out. 3D animation's sore spot has always been expressiveness, and bringing anime original designs to such an intensely beloved and cult classic series is an insane challenge.

Orange, of course, was totally up to the challenge and brought what I'd argue has become a modern icon of Vash the Stampede. The facial expressions, reactions, and interactions were impeccable. The larger movements were incredibly fluid and full of life and feeling. The cloth and other materials were amazing to experience.

The designs feel almost effortless in the context of 3D animation, and I really have to stress that that is a huge challenge. Look at how other characters look in 3D vs how these ones look. Really, really impressive work in my books.

Best Aesthetic - Bleach Thousand Year Blood War: The Separation

Bleach has, and always will be, a very aesthetically pleasing series. There's plenty of moments to pull from, but I think the second cour of TYBW presents the pinnacle of Bleach in anime form.

The lighting, the backgrounds and environments, the insane levels of composition: TYBW The Separation is the highest reaches of style Bleach has mustered to this date.

And really, there's not anything else to it. The iconic red and blue palette, the crazy details in highlights and shadows, the incredible color schemes and storyboards. It's simply Number 1.

And that's as far as the list goes. Pretty simple, but a pretty fun exercise in looking back on the year in terms of more specific aspects. Does highlight the gulf between good and great though, as there's many series that can qualify as "good", but very very few that can really be reasonably considered for accolades such as these.

2024 seems keen on changing that up though, so I'm really looking forward to what all we get for this year!