#it was always more of a nickname/placeholder

[fizpup]

merry christmas! 💚

[python333]

after hours — python³

― ― ― ―

synopsis you've been stalking ghost for a while now. the issue? you didn't even know you were stalking him.

relationships platonic!ghost & gn!reader.

characters ghost.

word count 4.02k

warnings usage of [name] as a placeholder for your name, 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], ghost's pov, stalking, nonconsensual photography of ghost [nothing crazy, just taking pictures of him while hes out and about]

note i have a tummyache :(

You’re very troubled.

Bright red lights dull to a darker, velvety color as they reach a stark black flooring. They illuminate beige twine that’s strung over clean counters and square plates of clear water, twine that carries several photographs held up by clothespins. It’s very monochromatic, the color schemes in the room. The more vibrant, more lively colors are contained in developed polaroid film, labeled with dates, names, and locations. Your most recent one, labeled as 10/30, Riley, Heaton Park, was taken on the very date, in the very place, and of the very person you’ve labeled it with. Organization has always been very important to you.

It’s a weird contrast, your organization against your troubledness. On one hand, you like to keep everything in check, finding joy in having all of your belongings put together through some sort of connection they have―color, size, name―but on the other hand, something about that cleanliness throws you off sometimes. An unsettling ripple will center itself in your chest and create a circular wave that leaves the tips of your fingers tingling and your head a mess, your brain barely in control of your actions anymore, your hands somehow moving on their own and ruining everything you’ve organized. There’s been moments where your pictures have been ripped from the pins and thrown across the room, landing in water or on the floor or in the large vent in the corner of the room.

You’ve been able to keep it under control for a while, though. You haven’t had an episode in a while now. You scan the photos hung across the length of the twine, searching for a date, then finding one that sounds right. 08/17. So it’s been two months and fourteen days since your last outburst. A pretty good accomplishment, if you do say so yourself. 

“‘s been a while,” you mumble under your breath, your index finger and thumb pinching the bottom of the polaroid, observing it. This one is labeled with Riley as well, taken in a tattoo shop somewhere in Sheffield. It’s a long ways away from where Riley lives, funnily enough. The tattoo artist must be good for him to drive so far. You’ve only seen a few of his tattoos, and wonder if he has any that he’s hiding from you. From you, you mentally scoff, as if he’s thinking about you at all. 

He’s only seen you once. Riley’s a particularly mysterious character, at least to you. He only comes into the shop every other week, buying some variation of beef or pork. Two weeks ago he came in for pork belly, about two kilograms of it, and through some painful small talk, you learned he was making a pork dish for a gathering. He didn’t specify family gathering―he never does, which makes you think that either every gathering is a family gathering or no gathering is a family gathering―so you assume he’s talking about some kind of friend get-together.

Considering the dish he was making, all belly porchetta, you think he’s using around half a kilogram of pork belly per person, since that’s what you saw in a majority of the recipes you looked up. Assuming he did, you can guess that he had about three other people over, four if he didn’t make any for himself. You’re pretty confident that you know who the other three are. You’ve seen Riley around a few other people before, and it’s always the same three, and they have these weird nicknames for eachother. 

Or, at least, you used to think they were just nicknames. The more you heard them talk, though, the more you realized that they weren’t just nicknames. They were titles. Ranks, even. Riley is Lieutenant, or L.t., his friend Price is Captain, one of his other friends is either Gaz or Sarge, and his other friend Mactavish is Johnny. That, you think, is an actual nickname, but still. So they’re military. You’ve never dwelled too much on that fact, knowing that it doesn’t change much of what you already know about their friend group. 

You’re drawn to this friend group like a magnet to steel. You’ve taken a particular liking to Riley, though, who you’ve heard been called Lieutenant, L.t., and Ghost. Riley, who wears a black balaclava and has a blonde buzzcut that screams military so loudly you’re shocked you didn’t pick up on it earlier. Riley, whose dog tags hang on the coat rack near the front door of his flat, the black silencer around them rough to the touch. Riley, who chose the worst building to live in, considering the state of their locks. 

You release the polaroid and it sways a little where it’s suspended in the air, before stilling. You feel an itch. An itch that follows the lines of your fingerprints, swirling, a corn maze-like pattern being used as a guide for it. Your I-2 stays hung around your neck by a thick strap, and your hands go to it almost immediately, fitting in the worn grooves that your fingers have created over the years. 

Suddenly, causing you to lose your grip on the camera, the bell rings. Shit. Despite thinking about Riley, you forgot that this is his usual time. You take the camera off immediately and haphazardly set it down on the counter, dusting your hands off on your apron and rushing out of the room. The light outside is almost blinding, an ugly reminder of the outside world, and you squint for a moment to get past the too-white artificial lights and soon your eyes adjust to it. You walk up a few steps and open the door, walking a little further to get to the cash register, before seeing Riley patiently waiting near it. His card’s already in his hand. 

“Sorry about that,” you apologize for the wait, grabbing a pair of latex gloves from under the counter and putting them on, “what’re you looking for today?”

Riley hums and watches you put on the gloves, “‘bout two half-kilos of ribeye, if you’ve got any.” 

“We have exactly that much left, I believe,” you look up from your hands and give Riley a smile, “guess you’re taking the last few.” 

“Guess so.” He’s a man of few words, but you still savor every one he speaks. It’s satisfying, the sharpness of his tone; it almost reminds you of cutting the fat off of a slab of meat. A thin blade against fatty tissue, cleanly hacking away at the white flesh, though leaving rough marks at some points. 

You walk to the back, painfully aware of the window that allows Riley to see your every move, and see a partially butchered prime rib. There’s just enough for a ribeye and a rack of ribs, so you grab a clean meat cleaver from off the wall and chop off a good half kilogram of ribeye, laying the cut on a paper-covered scale and seeing that it’s just about half a kilogram. You trade off the cleaver to your non-dominant hand and reach for a sheet of paper, your gloved hand transferring the ribeye over to the brown paper and setting it off to the side. 

You repeat the process again until you have two half kilo ribeyes, both wrapped in butcher paper, and you take off your gloves before putting on a new pair, not wanting to get meat juice all over the paper. You stack one on top of the other and carry the papered ribeyes out of the room, the door opening and closing behind you as you walk over to the register and set the two down. Riley watches you intently. You revel in the feeling of his eyes on you.

“Date night?” you ask, curious. You wonder if there’s someone new you’ll be able to observe. Maybe someone who can help you learn more about Riley.

He huffs out a laugh, something that makes you hold back a smile, and shakes his head, “No, not a date. Just a night.” “Just a night…” you hum, not prodding further even if you want to, reminding yourself that you can’t poke too much or else he might never come back, “whatever you say.”

“I’m sure he wishes it were a date night,” Riley mutters, to which you let a smile crack through. 

“Good luck with your not-date night, then,” you bid him farewell and Riley nods, leaving you with a “have a good night”, the bell above the door ringing as he exits the room. You let out a breath. Jesus. 

— 

Ghost doesn’t think you know how obvious you are. Given your youth, he supposes he shouldn’t be shocked at this level of ignorance, but still. 

He’ll catch you in the corner of his eye. He thinks you think you’re being discreet, but that little camera you keep around your neck always seems to be swaying, and every time he looks a certain way, he can hear the small click and shutter of the camera. He can put two and two together. He’s not stupid, despite what you must think of him. 

Ghost keeps the packaged meat in his hands, not bothering to conceal them as he makes his way back to his flat. It’s a pretty basic building, with picked-to-bits locks and door hinges in desperate need of some WD-40, something he didn’t really think about too much until you started coming around uninvited. He’s not sure if you’ve noticed the various cameras set up around his flat. If you have, he isn’t sure why you wouldn’t take them out―he’s sure that you can. That you have the ability to. Or, he might just be overestimating you. It’s hard to tell at this point.

Ghost wants to confront you, desperately so. He wants to walk up to you in your own shop, wants to hear you greet him and ask him what he’s looking for that particular day, and wants to see the look on your face as he asks you to bring some lithium grease the next time you come around to rid those doors of their squeakiness. He hopes that you’re frozen when he says it, like a deer in headlights, unable to think until he asks you if you really thought he wouldn’t figure it out. It sounds a little cruel, but he thinks, given everything he’s experienced, he’s entitled to a little cruelty, especially if it’s towards his own stalker. 

You can handle it. He’s sure of it. He hasn’t been stalking you for as long as you have to him, but he’s essentially trained for this type of thing, so it comes much easier to him than he’s sure it does to you. As far as he knows, you haven’t gone through the same training as him. You don’t know what to look for. Given the inexperience you show in your actions, Ghost wants to assume that you’re self-taught, and picked this up recently. He doesn’t know if he should be flattered or not by the possibility of you getting into stalking because of him. Since, for some strange reason, he chose to go to your butcher shop instead of the one he would usually go to before the stalking. 

You’re young. Younger than him, at least, by a lot. You’ve never told him your age or anything, but it’s not too hard to tell by looking at you and seeing the way you talk to other customers. You always seem to be a little more polite around him, less joking, aside from today. You’re more laidback with other customers. He wonders if your stalking habits prevent you from acting normal around him, so you compensate for that by trying to act too normal. Except, it doesn’t work, because he can see how you act around other customers. He’s seen your normal. He knows it’s not what you act like around him. Sure, it could be that you’re only normal around him and no other customers, but he’s seen you outside of work too. The only other possibility would be that you only act normal around him specifically, but that just wouldn’t make sense.

Ghost wonders if you get something out of this stalking. He doesn’t look into statistics too much, so he doesn’t really know if stalking is just more popular among the younger generation, or if you’re just special in that way. It could be a hobby, but he’d think that you’d be a little more careful if it was. A little more experienced, even. It might be that it’s an addiction; maybe you feel ashamed of your stalking, but you just can’t help it. However, if you did, Ghost doesn’t think you’d be so obvious about it. No, he thinks that you’d hide it more, that you’d be more nervous around him. While you’re anything but normal in his presence, you can still make conversation with him, and try your best not to bring up things that you know about him that you really shouldn’t. If you felt any kind of shame about it, he thinks you’d slip up more, because even though you’re sloppy, you still managed to go unnoticed under his radar for however long until he caught you for the first time.

The only reason that he knows it wasn’t your first time when he caught you was because of something that you could’ve easily avoided. You tend to mutter to yourself, whether on purpose or on autopilot, and when you’re taking photos of him, you like cursing out the camera when it somehow malfunctions or whispering directions under your breath. Left, get that thing he’s holding, he’s heard you mumble, oddly loud for someone who's trying so hard to be discreet, right… down… good. 

It was disturbing at first. Ghost doesn’t find many things scary these days, but this came a little close to being scary; the thought of someone always watching him, documenting his every move, studying him like a researcher to a labrat. He’s never liked that caged feeling. Being unaware of your observation, not consenting to any of it, unable to consent to it because he’s not supposed to know that you’re stalking him at all. 

The worst part, he thinks, is that he feels a weird sort of sympathy for you. Again, you’re young, you sell meat for way too cheap despite its quality, you probably barely understand the severity of your actions. He doesn’t want to underestimate you. God knows he’s done enough of that. But, for some strange reason, he feels so strongly that you don’t grasp exactly what you’re doing. It makes him feel a little bad for essentially fantasizing about confronting you, knowing how conflicted you must feel, being so obsessive over someone as mundane as him. Truly, he hasn’t told you anything to pique your interest, so it has to just be something about him that’s got you so eager to witness every little thing he does.

He doesn’t know what it is. He hopes that he’ll find out soon. Maybe that confrontation shouldn’t stay a fantasy. 

Two weeks pass by like a short gust of wind. Quick, but still leaving Ghost a little disgruntled. He’s on his usual walk towards your shop, a small tingle on the tips of his fingers, an itch that won’t leave his palms, lingering on his hands like pins stuck in the cushion. The feeling is inexplicable, only noticeable by the time he had spotted the sign hanging over the red awning outside of your shop. He feels like he needs to grab something. Maybe he’s just that excited to get his hands on the pork tenderloin he intends to buy. Maybe he’s thrilled by the idea of asking you why he hears a camera shutter open every time he goes out in a relatively populated area.

The door bells ring as he walks in. You’re leaning against the counter, fidgeting with your gloves, your head whipping up when you hear the bells. You try to conceal it, but Ghost can see the ghost―haha, get it, ghost? Like his callsign? Oh, whatever―of a smile appear on your face. It should make him feel sick, but for whatever reason, it only makes the itch grow. Ghost looks around the shop, seeing the empty place, and walks up to the counter.

“Busy day?” he asks, making you breathe out a laugh.

“Very,” you reply, your words short but always having that sense of incompletion, “what’re you looking for today?”

“Half a kilo of pork tenderloin,” Ghost answers, leaning against the counter as you nod and head to the back. He watches you through the glass, biting his tongue.

There’s so much he wants to ask. 

You come back quickly, just a few minutes later, and Ghost finds himself face to face with a packaged pork tenderloin. You’re quiet as you type up his receipt, but he doesn’t bother to pull out his card. The itch is bothering him. The itch starts to crawl up his wrist, curling around it like a handcuff, running along his veins and making the hair on his arms stand up. It reaches his shoulder and hits an old scar from a fight a long time ago, then reaches his neck, manages to wrap itself around it like a rope, and suddenly―

“Why’d you take that picture of me?” Ghost’s voice interrupts the calm silence, replacing it with a sort of tension. He sees the way you freeze up, your head slowly lifting up, your eyes locking onto his, all confusion and nerves. 

He doesn’t repeat himself. He just waits.

— 

You blink. What? 

“Sorry?” you laugh nervously, but Riley doesn’t budge. He only stares at you. You’re tempted to utilize your right to refuse service, but he isn’t technically servicing you, only talking to you. 

“You know what I’m talking about,” Riley responds, not getting threatening, but still leaning forward a bit and narrowing his eyes at you, “‘bout two or three weeks ago, Heaton Park?”

You stay silent, because despite your excessive planning, you never accounted for a possibility where Riley actually caught you. You guess you were so caught up in observing him that you never thought about what you would do if he ended up confronting you about it. You just didn’t think you were obvious. Maybe you aren’t obvious. Maybe Riley has developed a habit of being more aware of his surroundings or something after being in the military for so long, so much so that he was aware enough to detect your presence despite you keeping your distance.

Whatever it is, it has you choked up. You never imagined that you’d be in this position. It always felt like it’d be him who was confused, maybe even paranoid―but, surprisingly, it’s you.

When you don’t respond for a few more seconds, Riley doesn’t let up. He doesn’t go easy on you. He leans back but the state of his eyes don’t change, they don’t get any less skeptical or stormy, the gray-blue irises staring at you like two camera lenses. You swear you can hear a faint click every time he blinks, like he’s taking pictures of your every move, just as you had done to him. Like he’s observing you just as much as you observed him. You wonder, briefly, if this is how he feels when he senses your burning stare on him.

“Are you scared?” Riley asks, like an English Billy Loomis, “Did you ever think I was scared?”

You can feel a little sweat cultivating on your forehead. You’re sure Riley can see it too. His eyes flicker all over your face, and it feels like you’ve switched roles, with him being the researcher and you the subject. 

You can’t respond. How are you supposed to? You’re not scared, you’re dreadfully curious, wanting so badly to grab the camcorder you haven’t used in a good few years and just record. You want a stenotype and a chair, with a body double to act as yourself, to watch yourself have this conversation and take notes. You need order. You need a judge, jury, and executioner, to be allowed to be the reporter, to copy every word that exits Riley’s mouth. 

This is so out of his element. You knew he was confrontational, but―

“Do you never turn it off?” What? “The stalking?”

Stalking? “I think you should leave,” you force yourself to say, even if it leaves a suffocating feeling in your chest, forcing Riley away like this. 

“I’m not mad,” Riley tries to reassure you, “I’m a little disappointed, though.” 

“Disappointed?” you can’t help but repeat, despite your shock.

“Just a little,” Riley hums, so uncharacteristic of him, so unlike what you’ve seen from him. It’s so fascinating, yet horrifying. 

You’re quiet again. He’s disappointed? You should be more scared of the fact that he knows what you’ve been doing, the hobby that you meant to keep under wraps until you managed to get to a place where you no longer needed to participate in it, but you somehow find yourself more saddened by the fact that your subject is disappointed in you. It makes no sense. You can’t put it into one of the little boxes you’ve folded up in your head.

“Does it make you mad?” What? “Knowing that I know what you’ve been doing?’

You can’t find the words to respond.

“Do you understand what you’re doing?” Riley asks with a level of understanding you could never foresee hearing from him, especially directed at you, “Did you know that you were stalking me?”

That word makes you actually freeze. You stop breathing for a moment, switching from automatic to manual, all because of that word. Stalking? It feels foreign even in your mind, feeling so taboo just to think, the word barely a part of your vocabulary. You can’t recall ever using it to describe what you’d been doing. 

You don’t know if Riley senses this, or if it’s just the look on your face, but whatever it is, something seems to tell him that no, you weren’t aware of that. You don’t know how you didn’t know. Yeah, no shit, of course you were stalking him, how didn’t you know until now?

You genuinely don’t know what to do. Riley’s looking at you like you’re some kind of lost street dog, your palms are heating up, there’s a loud buzzing in your ears, and you think your voice box has somehow been turned off. You want to say something so bad. You want to apologize, even if you don’t entirely understand what you’re apologizing for. You want to defend yourself, because you weren’t aware of what you were doing. You want to do something. Anything.

“I’m gonna leave,” Riley sets a few tenners down on the counter, “but I need you to know that I’m not mad, okay?”

Oh, right. You’re not mad, just disappointed. Which is somehow worse than you being mad. “... Okay.”

Riley looks at you, scanning your face, searching you, “Okay?”

You nod and Riley exhales, picking up his pork tenderloin. “Have a good day.” 

When he’s gone, you feel a wetness on your cheek, and bring your fingers up to your face with furrowed eyebrows. You’re crying.

— 

Ghost doesn’t leave. He stays and watches you close up the shop, watching to see if anyone else stops by. He’s been doing it every few weeks after finding out about your hobby, always justifying it by telling himself he’s just looking out for you. It’s dangerous around here. It’s why he doesn’t live around these parts. You clearly don’t know that. Shit, if you were so unaware of your own stalking, how could you possibly be aware of the dangers around you?

You leave the shop and Ghost watches. You don’t even spare a glance in his direction, and that very fact tells him everything he needs to know. You’re vulnerable out here. You need his protection. You need it. 

Ghost gets up from his kneeling position and dusts his hands off on his knees. He can protect you.

[amorganva]

Just a bunch of random interesting Lies of P stuff I've seen so far because I still love this game:

So the workshop was established 1868....which means that we're in the year 1889 or around that timeframe based on the grand exhibition signs.

Apparently Sophia has a diary? and this is the only page: Master Cherry gives the Piece of wood to his friend Geppetto At that very moment a loud knock sounded on the door It was Geppetto, an old friend of Master Cherry. The boys of the neighborhood called him Polendina because of the wig he always wore, which was just the color of yellow corn. He was known to dislike children, and even more so when they called him Polendina.

on some of the plaques at the grand exhibition

The Krat k for reference and the devs having fun sneaking pics onto bottles lol

The music sheet on the piano is the sheet music for the Oblivion soundtrack of the game. I also wonder why P chooses to play that particular piece that he plays as his humanity increases, why is it stuck in your head P?....on to another Carmeo doodle! I mean seriously the first few notes of the Estella Opera theme sound like humanity level 1 P trying the piano....like there's this specific tune in his mind. Like the two used to play together or Carlo the bougie being good at playing would teach Romeo, the kid from the streets. And the whole level P would hear that tune ....operafied and extra because it's Romeo, cmon, but also as a reminder like -Hey...remember, buddy?

Just for reference purposes, when exported directly, Romeo is a giant at almost 9 ft - while P is about 6'4" when not constantly in battle stance. But Sophia and every other NPC in Krat is also about 6 feet when directly exported so the characters aren't made to scale - youngest of the BRBH is as tall as Sophia without ears. I read somewhere that Carlo is supposed to be around 5'3" on average and 5'6" at the tallest (people being shorter back then etc....our short king) so in my headcanon for my doodles reference I scaled Romeo to be about 5'10", just a bit taller than Carlo. Idk why I make him taller but there's something about his nickname Lampwick which just meant that he's skinny and polished looking in the original context but it got in my head that he's just tall and skinny and I'm rolling with it. Funny that his puppet form is so rusted and kinda clunky and raggedy looking for someone so well put together presumably before he died. The most unruly of Pinocchio's friends but also the nicest guy in this universe--- don't get me started on Romeo again gigachad of a friend///

Also something you can't really see ingame cuz resolution but irl all records are by Trilogy Records and Feel in particular is "Song of Vamp, Rosa Milan" ....no clue what it means.

the placeholder used for Romeo's play in the trailers....but also Hotel Krat before it became a Hotel in a bustling city?

Question: Blue hair Sophia or Brown hair? Short hair P or long hair P? (I like short hair because it's an iconic look and the devs clearly spent a lot of time fine tuning it when you look at the trailers lol, long hair to me just feels so....basic) Also P's hair is aktschually brown.....it just looks really dark ingame and in all the artwork they just chose to make it black-looking. So Carlo and P technically have the same hair, he just doesn't have P's freckles which....a choice was made by Geppetto and I respect it.

You can read this oddly specific daffodil newspaper texture and this letter.....like why is this so high res??

It's a shame you can't see some of this stuff unless you actually take a close look at the game files but I like to snoop. I just wanna see more of Krat...like a tour video or something or a book before it all kinda went to hell. Thanks Geppetto ....and/or Simon.

[nikxlaii]

➽ 𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐑 (𝐈)

☁ Pairing: Dazai Osamu x gn!reader

☁ Category: Angst

☁ Synopsis: Every time he holds you closer, he can't help but think of his previous love.

☁ Note: I've been thinking about writing something like this for a while now, welp here ya go. I am simply an amateur so don't expect this to be good. Also, Neena is an oc of mine. Grammatical errors are ahead! Enjoy? 07/17/2023

Part 2

"I love you."

Sitting on the couch, Dazai held you in his arms. You peered into his brown eyes, feeling something ache inside you as he embraced you closer to his chest. Never before has he shown such tenderness in his eyes. He never did. Only when he visualizes you as her would he act in that way.

Despite the stinging feeling within you that you wanted to disappear, you smiled dolorously at him as you leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose. However, you failed to notice him tense up at your action.

"I love you more," you said quietly enough for him to hear. You didn't even realize you were holding your breath until you let those words out of your mouth. Although he always tells you how much he loves you, you are unsure if he really means it.

"Is my face too alluring to be observed for that long?" His giggles jolted you out of your thoughts as you quickly turned your gaze away from him in embarrassment. As his laughter subsided, he tilted your head back toward him, removing his hand from your head to caress your cheek.

"Don't look away," he smiled fondly at you, but you knew deep down in his eyes that you weren't the one he was seeing, but instead, a glimpse of her. You tried numerous times not to think about it; however, you are unable to resist letting your thoughts consume you.

Sure, your relationship with him is perfect in every way, but sometimes you don't feel as if he genuinely cares for or loves you the same way he did for her. No matter how many times you try to make him fall for your touch, he'll only see you as her and never the actual you. You felt like a substitute, a placeholder for the person he once loved.

"Is there something bothering you, Belladonna? You've been dazing off a lot. The nickname made you cringe; he never calls you that; he only does at times like these, and knowing the reason makes your heart tighten.

You sprang awake from your thoughts; however, he was no longer looking at you, nor was his hand caressing your cheek. Something inside his head was attempting to persuade him that he cared about you; he always convinced himself of that.

You shake your head no, assuring him that you're alright and have nothing to be concerned about. Of course you weren't, yet despite his knowledge of your deception, you chose to lie. But did he ever care?

Dawn is starting to break, lighting several areas of Yokohama. The both of you stayed at his place and cuddled on his couch till daybreak. Dazai had contacted you previously asking for company since he's feeling suicidal. He always is. It's not something to panic or worry about.

He closed his eyes and lowered his head before returning his hand to yours. He exhaled a sigh.

"You already know how much I love and care about you, (Name), are you really certain?" You despise the way his voice is constantly strained, always seeming more like he's convincing himself than truly saying he does, and it causes him to feel guilty about it.

You made no sound. You weren't certain of your response or what to say. It was the first time he had ever inquired about your well-being, but did he really mean it? Or was it just a ploy to make you feel special to him even though you're obviously not?

Finally, he turned his head to look at you, but there was neither light nor affection in his eyes. That's how it's always been.

"Neena," He said without comprehending what he had just said.

Before he could even utter another word, you shifted your weight, causing Dazai's hand to slip off your head while you both stared at each other. His expression was perplexed, but he soon realized what he had just said. His lips are slightly open, and his eyes widen as he observes your sorrowful look.

"(Name)..."

You walked up to the door, grabbing your jacket from the rack. You stood by the door with your hand trembling on the doorknob as you pondered whether to go or just wait for him to say anything. You resisted letting a tear fall from your eye; of course you already knew about that. What's the point of crying? Why are you crying? Why are you being so dramatic?

He remained motionless and silent. He didn't even move; instead of approaching and saying that it was a mistake and it wouldn't happen again, he remained still. Dazai expected this to happen, so he let it be. After ensuring that he wouldn't talk or even offer an apology, you let out a breath and turned the door knob.

"Just find her again,"

And with that, you left without closing the door.

Dazai looked towards the open door where you had departed and sighed. He stood up to close it and leaned against it. He knew he had messed up the moment he realized he couldn't let go of her. But why didn't he tell you from the start that he was still in love with someone who had left? Sure, it would be hurtful if he decided to tell you from the start, but only for a short while. Now that you're completely smitten with the brunette, it's too late to turn back.

But why didn't he tell you from the start?

Because he was afraid.

Afraid of what?

The feeling of being alone again.

Why's that?

His previous relationship is something he cherishes a lot, and letting it go is both devastating and terrifying. He grew attached to someone and fears that he may lose the solace of the former love of his life.

But why did he entertain someone if he's still in love with his previous lover?

Part 2

[squarebracket-trickster]

Writeblr Re-Intro!!

Friends and Enemy, hi!

I figured I would write a new intro because my old one is now out-of-date. I have finished my second draft of WIPVII (placeholder name until I actually bother to title it). It clocked in at 77 049 words, which was exactly within my goal of 80 000 +/- 5000.

After many false starts and a deliberate hiatus to flesh out some worldbuilding, I am now working on my third draft!

This blog is really just for me, to chronicle my thoughts as I write, but I have made so many friends on Writeblr already and am always open to making more!

For the actual intro bit:

My name is Kate, Square, Not-Square (thanks Not-Cheeto hehe), Rubiks (thanks Sleepy :3), or whatever nickname you would like for me (she/her). I mostly write fantasy with the occasional sci-fi project on the side. I love epic high fantasy (in the vein of LotR or Wheel of Time) and YA fantasy romances equally.

Funny enough, my current project is none of those things. It's more like a YA twist on a Shakespeare comedy than anything else -- if I had to pick a genre. Something like Twelfth Night, Cymbeline, or As You Like It. It's got a young women running from an arranged marriage, a b-plot to prevent a war, forbidden love, mistaken identity hijinks, a forest setting, bandits, a fairy-tale High Medieval backdrop, and it wouldn't be truly like a Shakespeare comedy without cross-dressing and queer characters.

I have several other WIPs on the go but this is the one I am prioritizing.

I don't post full chapters because I am hoping to query one of these centuries (and also, it's not yet ready for human eyes)... but I do live-blog the process when I am writing and I share my favourite lines.

My goal for my third draft is just to make the prose effective. My first drafts are word vomit. My second drafts are mostly structural and trimming the cringe. My third drafts are where it actually starts to reflect my prose ability.

If you write sci-fi, fantasy, or weird fiction of any kind I would love to get to know you. You are also welcome to hang around if you are interested in watching someone else go through the revision process of writing a novel, or if the concept itself intrigues you. I am happy to answer questions about first/second drafts and writing in general.

[incorrect-finding-frankie]

A quick list of the characters (so far) that I’ve made. Just because—OC time:

Percy—a hare created for @janesbeloved AU. Already brought it up a bit, but it always wanted to become an actor—but once it did, it was always brought in for minor things—which included for the show.

There’s a film studio attached to everything else, and Percy finds itself working there.

Another OC for the AU down below.

—

Em—a contestant OC, and the very first one that I made. She had almost no clue about Frankie in the beginning. Although, a friend pushed Em into doing the gameshow.

Has had some experience with parkour before, been it’s been quite a bit.

Much more confident, relaxed, etc, when wearing a mask or anything like that. Fond of Other Frankie.

—

August—another contestant OC. He just... does not care about anything that could potentially happen to him throughout the whole gameshow. Or even out of it.

He’s just ready, and relaxed, for anything.

—

Rory—a rabbit that I just thought about making specifically for cartoons and such. Used to basically assist Toon Frankie, but then there was a falling out.

Toon Frankie has a one-sided rivalry with Rory—who doesn’t see him as a rival or anything—and still cares—but thinks the ‘rivalry’ stuff adds some more fun into the day.

So, Rory’s just rolling with it all, and getting into some shenanigans still.

—

Spring—self insert/sona that’s a bit of a robotic ‘contestant’ added later on for some new surprises in the gameshow.

Hangs out with Other Frankie the most, but at the beginning, literally nobody knew where Spring came from—the higher up’s didn’t give an explanation.

—

Ash—A cat created for the AU above, and Percy’s ex-partner.

The two of them had been together for the last six years, but without much of a word, Ash suddenly broke everything off, and continues to not say anything.

Percy is very much saddened by this. Ash, however, still works at the place—but has proven difficult to find.

—

Kit—a fankid that I decided to make for fun. The kid of Em and Other Frankie. Silly time.

‘Kit’ refers to a baby bunny, and Em has never been very good at naming things—so, initially, she was just going and calling the little bunny ‘kit’.

It started out as a placeholder/nickname, but then Em just thought that it was actually a good name.

Kit can just be a silly fella.

[guzhuangheaven]

Enquanto assistia a um vídeo sobre o número de filhos que o Imperador Qianlong teve, percebi que alguns de seus filhos eram "muito jovens" para ter um nome e muitos deles morreram sem ter um nome. Por que demorou tanto para dar um nome a uma criança? Quero dizer, não deveria ser a primeira coisa dada a eles?

Google translate says this is what the ask this:

While watching a video about the number of children the Qianlong Emperor had, I noticed that some of his children were "too young" to have a name and many of them died without having a name. Why did it take so long to name a child? I mean, shouldn't it be the first thing given to them?

From what I can tell, in ancient time, children were not named before birth, and it was even considered bad luck to do this. They were also not always immediately given official names (register name) at birth either, because official names required a lot of consideration, sometimes depending on the time/day/star positions when the child was born and might involve consultation with astronomers and religious leaders etc. So this official name which would be written down in geneological records might take a long time to determine. With infant mortality being so high, parents might delay naming their child until they are more sure that the child would survive.

At birth, a child might be given a milk name (nickname) but this would not be considered an official name. There is even a practice of giving children ugly-sounding nicknames to trick evil spirits into thinking that the baby isn't worth kidnapping/killing. However these names would either only be placeholders or used in childhood. Alternatively they would just refer to the child by their birth order among the children while waiting for an official name.

PS: Official names are not usually used to address people anyway, so it’s not that crucial that a child has an official name immediately. In childhood, their family would call them by their milk name. At school they would be given another name for school. In social situations, they would be referred to by family ties and position. In adulthood men had courtesy names. So the official name is only used for records, marriage and death.

[rainofthetwilight]

AND FINALLY HERE IS A SMALL MASTERPOST FOR THE HELLSPAWN WALKER SIBLINGS!!

I present to you, Jenna and Ethan :DD

(also since you asked to be tagged, @alizibtheterrible)

(pssst, here are the ref sheets for these kiddos)

-

before I get into anything, here are my timelines in this AU:

2 years between moto and season 11, atleast 5 months between s11 and s12, 5 more months between s12 and s13, 4 months between s13 and the island, a month between the island and s15, canonically a year between s15 and crystallized, 2 years between crystallized and the merge, 5 years between the merge and the events of DR

and jenna and ethan's ages during these times:

jenna: a year old during s11, almost two years old during s13, turned three a while after nya left, four during crystallized, six when the merge happened, and 11 in current time

ethan: a year old when the merge happened, and 6 in current time

I..know it's probably confusing, but I can attempt to explain more if you don't understand!

my fic for these two is currently being rewritten!!

and now, time to ramble abt the kids!! (warning, VERY long)

their full names are: Jenna Edna Lilly Walker and Ethan Ed Raymond Walker (you can guess who was named after who)

jenna was born just a year after moto, and ethan was born also a year after crystallized!

and from that, the age difference between them is 5 years

jenna inherits jay's powers, and ethan inherits nya's

ethan has ADHD and lacks good social skills due to being surrounded by only 2 people for most of his childhood, while jenna has anxiety, trust issues and some slight ptsd

oh and I can't forget to sprinkle the t r a u m a on them both

they have a good dynamic and bicker normally like siblings always do, but jenna sometimes needs to have her alone time and hates when anyone bothers her so she can snap at any time

while ethan is sensitive and cant control himself, especially if he sees someone distressed, but if he himself is the distressed one either no one should even come near him or he needs a genuiene hug or encouraging words from someone

I'm not sure when jenna will get her powers and will get her true potential, but until I figure it out, she gets her potential when she saw a certain someone in danger (kinda placeholder!!)

she didnt have control of her powers much at first, but would soon learn its abilities

and when ethan gets his powers, it doesn't go smoothly at all due to nya having been turned into the sea, so all the sudden power is..quite a painful experience without control

his true potential? realizing his worth and saving his sister from danger

I don't have exact birthdays for them yet, but the placeholders for now are may 23rd (jenna) and october 8th (ethan)

when they got a bit older, jenna decided to dye some streaks of her hair blue (and one time had a pixie cut), ethan didn't take any creative liberties with his hair but would sometimes style it when he's bored

jenna was named by jay, and while nya had wanted lilly she didnt mind and just she told him ''as long as you don't name her nya junior I won't throw you off a building"

lilly in the end was just given as a middle name

want a fun fact? jenna was the one that named ethan, the moment she saw him in his little blanket she just kept shouting "ethan! ethan!"

and jenna has a HUGE obsession for drawing and painting, while ethan likes cooking and is declared 'the gordon ramsey of the walkers* by jenna lmao

Jenna: dude please just open your own restuarant at this point Ethan: for the love of the fucking fsm Jenna-

jenna's special nickname is JJ! long story short, it was at first a shortened version of 'jay junior' that was actually a joke but then it became her actual nickname lmao

jenna is aroace and will go by she/they in the future, while ethan goes by he/him and will come out as bi!

jenna was attached to both her parents but felt closer to nya, especially after seabound

she'd watch her and jay in the sam x cave for ages

never remembering nya nor jay, ethan was wary of nya at first and tried to stay close to jenna but the moment she hugged him? he felt safe and knew it was right (shoot I'm kinda spoiling the reunion uhh)

jenna says she has no favourite uncle, but it's secretly cole and only he knows that

and she bullies kai, even when she's not ordered to do so by jay 👌

she does have a good bond with all of them tho!

jenna, in dragons rising, is 5'0 and will stay that height for a while until she hits a sudden growth spurt at 13 and is literally 5'6

and she'd be 5'9 at 16

happens with ethan aswell, he's only 6 so he's about 3'8 which is average for his age, but he'll keep growing taller and taller and he stops growing once he reached 5'8

The Forest Of Walkers(tm) as a moot of mine once quoted (we both hc jay to be very tall, finn I am looking at you)

and yes, that small part of the drawing of them walking is them in the future, I have no exact design yet and just wanted to throw that in bc of the free space lmao (I will post their future designs tho trust)

fun fact: when me and my friend were still planning what jenna and ethan would be doing after the merge, instead of staying with lloyd they had ended up with sora and arin

in this au, maya and ray are a tad closer to nya than they are in the actual show, they visit regularly to check on her, jay and jenna (soon ethan aswell)

both them and ed and edna SPOIL HER TO DEATH. they'd gladly take jenna any day

..which actually happened, seabound stuff :")

from the way all the ninja grieved, it was extremely lonely for a 3 almost 4 year old kid, especially with how everything happened so suddenly and how she can't yet process grief well, she only had cole who'd stay with her alot when she wasn't at her grandparents

even at their places it felt gloomy, but she loved to distract herself when she'd be in the junkyard by helping ed collect scraps and build with him (when her love of mechanism began)

and she loved to take walks with maya or ray at ignacia, or watch ray blacksmithing

it calmed her down a bit, but she knew something was still missing

edit: jay was also not in the best place after nya left, and wasn't able to spend time with jenna because she reminded him so much of nya, so he went to the lighthouse before he got too far

crystallized was..not the best experience either

because of spoilers and still planning out some more stuff, time to jump to post-crystallized

jenna grew much closer to nya, and had went to school 2 months after ethan was born!

she started in first grade, and was chaotic as fuck

she beat a kid in her class once just because he didnt like her drawings, obviously did not end well but she won and she was proud af 😎

during the timeskip after the merge, when ethan hit 4, lloyd would do some sort of homeschooling for him since he and jenna never left the monastery

Lloyd: okay, what's 5+6?

Ethan: 10!

Lloyd, trying not explode because he was so close:

I have so much more, but this is getting long af and I'm tired lmao

for my moots that are in the combined au, feel free to ramble in the tags aswell if u want to btw!! I wish I could too but I don't have the fuckin energy :'))

I may add on once I have the time and energy in the notes (or another post), but for now here's some info abt these hellspawns :"DD

[liamthemailman]

♠️♥️House of Cards♣️♦️

♠️Ace of Spades♠️

Lieutenant 'Ace' Doe's Bio

- Information -

Name : [N/A] Doe

Codename : Ace

Former Alias : Mad Dog

Status : Alive

Rank : Lieutenant

Citizenship : [N/A]

Feeling Lucky Tonight?

- Physical Profile -

Height: 5'5 feet

Gender : Masc [he/him]

Age : 30 years old

Blood type: B Pos

Eye color: Brown

Hair color: Dark brown

Scars : None

Additional Notes : Overdue for haircut

- Personality -

Ace, like many others, is a very complex person. He seems to lack emotion, but he doesn't refrain from showing his displeasure in his face. It's no surprise to say that he is an introvert.

On the field however, Ace is a natural-born leader with a powerful voice, almost equal to the bark of a dog. He is quick to take initiative and on many occasions makes risky gambles with his life.

Ace is a no nonsense person at work, speaking without caring if the nature of his words may hurt the receiver. He sees no point in sugarcoating, especially when a proper talking to is in order. In any other situation, Ace is eerily silent, not speaking when it's not needed.

Although as unapproachable as Ace seems, he is the polar opposite - if you catch him outside of work. Ace is a warm person, willingly open for a friendly chat or to share a smoke. Ace has many mixed feelings from those around him.

- Skill Set -

Weapon(s) : Ace has a preference for close range guns, often dual wielding guns. He also keeps multiple knives on his person, most of them hidden.

Combat Style : Ace usually sticks to closer range guns. Ace is good with close combat, being very nimble and agile but not very effective against going against enemies in several weight classes above him.

Specialized skill : Ace is able to breach and override through any security systems and can intercept enemy comms, rigs of explosives and traps that use electronic signal triggers.

- Background -

[Redacted] left home to join the army as soon as he could. His parents were against his dream, his weak hearted mother citing that he was their only son, and his father not believing that he could make it in the army. [Redacted] argued back, protesting his parents' concern. A huge verbal fight broke out where his father declared that [Redacted] was no longer family to him. His father, still enraged, demanded [Redacted] to drop his family name and to never return if he were to step out the house to go to the army.

So [Redacted] did, taking up the last name Doe as a placeholder. It's been years, and [Redacted] still writes back home, but he never gets any letters back.

[Redacted] got the nickname Mad Dog not long after joining. Mad Dog was less of a callsign, more of a tease with how he used to behave. Mad Dog used to be a loudmouth that talked back to his superiors, yelling his arguments and being reckless and near uncontrollable on the field. Mad Dog was compared to that of a dog barking madly, and thus, the name stuck.

Mad Dog met King while on a joint mission while he was still a Sergeant and the latter was still a Lieutenant. [Redacted] had impressed King with his skills, so much so that when King reached Captain, King specifically requested Second Lieutenant Mad Dog to be put into his Task Force Cards. Along with this shift, [Redacted] would officially take on the callsign Ace. Outside of work, King and Ace would share a smoke and the occasional trip to the bar, but Ace doesn't drink.

After King, Aces met with his wife, Lieutenant Queen. A woman that was a few ranks above himself. Ace quickly realized that he and Queen did not share any similar values. While Ace is always in some form of disagreement with Queen, he continues to mind himself, diligently working alongside her when the time calls for it. He may not be friendly with Queen, but he works well on the field with her, a silent truce formed on the battlefield.

Ace rose through the ranks quickly, soon finding himself in charge of other soldiers and overlooking training recruits. Private Jack stuck out to Ace like a sore thumb. Jack was the total opposite of him, but had the potential to thrive under proper guidance. Ace would then unofficially take Jack under his wing and eventually would recommend Jack to King to join the Task Force.

- Additional Information -

Ace wears his tinted eyewear both in and off the field. Ace found that people seemed to struggle to maintain eye contact with him in account for his Resting Bitch Face. Ace quickly learns that with the eyewear on, more people seemed more open to approaching him.

Ace unintentionally sneaks around. He swears up and down that he's not trying to purposefully scare anyone. Ace hates the sound of squeaky boots and walks with silent footsteps. As a result, in addition of going non-verbal a lot, Ace would seemingly show up from out of nowhere.

Ace can't seem to smile normally(?). Ace was told by a passing recruit that his smile doesn't seem to reach his eyes. This apparently made Ace look weird. Ace was sad upon hearing this but only nodded at the recruit in response.

- Favourites -

Drink: Earl Grey with one cream and two sugars

Food: Oranges

Animal: Cats

Hobby: Writing letters and journals, feeding the stray cats on base

Weather: Thunderstorm

Song: Aces - dkj

Colour: Dull colours

Flower: Baby's breath

Moodboard :

[threerattsinatrenchcoat]

Philomeen Writing Reference

Working on giving Philomeen some spoken lines for this fic, so here's the research

Overall - a gnome previously enslaved by the duergar. Prior to that, she was a sapper (combat engineer) following Wulbren on his quest to restore the Ironhands using a lost recipe for runepowder. She's has a lover, a gnome named Laridda, who she breaks up with. She starts out very hostile to the player, because she's got the only barrel of runepowder they know of, and Wulbren (who knows the recipe) has been captured.

Note: A lot of the gnomes in game are very blunt, but Philomeen is extra blunt. Dev notes regularly describe her as tough, matter-of-fact, annoyed. As Gale says, "She has a heart made of stone, this one - that only smokepowder can break." She is a zealot extremist dedicated to Wulbren's cause. There are a lot of parallels between her and Wulbren.

Nicknames: Phil (Laridda and Thulla call her this)

Personality/Beliefs:

Speaks in extremes:

Better to die in this shit-heap than rot in Moonrise.

I'd sooner walk the Hells than be tortured at Moonrise!

Values action:

Laridda should've shown some backbone instead of sitting there waiting to be rescued.

I'd gladly incinerate this entire basement and everyone in it if it'd mean taking out the Gondians once and for all.

Friends? Cowards, more like. Gave them a good blast as cover, and they sat on their bony arses. Done for good with them.

Words. I'm about more than that.

Values The Cause above all else

I need to bring it back to Baldur's Gate. I'd rather my clan were with me, but... The mission comes first. 

Get moving, the lot of you - if we get caught, Wulbren will've died for nothing. - said if Wulbren dies. Dev notes add, "Harsh; values the cause more than Wulbren himself"

Now we can both focus on what's actually important - taking out the Gondians - said in response player asking about Laridda

You want to waste runepowder on - - said in response to "Beldron's trapped - I need the smokepowder."

Philomeen's dead - it's what she always wanted. To die for the cause - Laridda says this about her in act 3

"Wulbren has a way of attracting true believers - his quest for runepowder was the latest dream he stuffed in our heads" - Beldron says this about her if she escapes with the smokepowder

"... a sad end. But a fitting one for a true believer. When Wulbren claimed that runepowder existed, she was the first to volunteer." - Beldron says this about her if he learns she blew herself up

"Phil... of course she did. Diehards for the cause, both of us. No cost too great, eh?" - Thulla says this

Big "gives it right back as hard as she can" energy

 I knew I couldn't trust you. Do it, then. Make it hurt. - if you say you'll kill her

If you call her mad, she says, "Damn right, pecker"

Dialogue

General - foulmouthed, creative in her insults, abrasive. Uses contractions but doesn't shorten words.

Phrases:

I swear to Ironhand

Shut your mouth, hoon, or I'll shut you down

What's to say?

Drops several gnomish words

Try me

Look, --

Huh --

Make yourself useful or make yourself scarce

You stick around like smokepowder stink.

It is over!

You know nothing of me

The whole damn reason

Gaerdal Ironhand, hear me now - set me free! - said as she's going to kill herself

Gaerdal Ironhand, I have lived for you, and now I'll die for you!

She uses this speech pattern several times: [Says a thing]. [Repeats the thing but in a different way]. She also likes to play with phrases

We need this powder to a prove a point. To people who really need a point proven to them.

I'm getting gone.

Shut your mouth, hoon, or I'll shut you down.

I go where there's shit to stir.

Uses some phrases often heard of in modern political speak (which I think mirrors her zealousy well)

 you'll be on the right side of history

We're freedom fighters

Compliments: None. She does call the player character "Not a stranger - a friend." in act 3 if Wulbren is there.

Placeholders: None

Insults

Bootlicker

Pecker

You prick

genius - sarcastic

Cult-nutter

Prickslit

Nutter

Rat

Cult-goon

Curses:

Damn

Damn right

Godsdamned

Cultist arse

Bugger it all

Gnomish terms:

Drugh

Drugning

Hoom - outsider. Offensive

Relationship with Laridda:

In the notes, Philomeen is "HiddenGnome" and Laridda is "GnomeWorkerDaffy" but I don't know if "daffy" was an old name or descriptor.

Philomeen's relationship with Laridda is heavily one-sided, with Laridda far more invested than Philomeen is (Philomeen says, "Beloved? I might have been hers. She sure as hells wasn't mine."). Philomeen ends up breaking it off.

Philomeen asking you to handle ending their relationship:

You see Laridda at the dig? Tell her I'm dead. Impaled, half-eaten... I don't care - make up a story.

Laridda, before you free her, threatens you if you say you're going to kill Philomeen. She also vows to find Philomeen.

If the player frees Laridda but tells her Philomeen is dead, Laridda breaks into tears and says these lines (depending on conversation paths)

Gods no. It wasn't supposed… to be like this…

What? No. No - it can't be. That's not... that's not... *sob*

I was right about you. Drugnin' monster. You... you...

Blow the wall open. Or don't. I don't care anymore.

Just get away from me.

However, if you tell her that Philomeen said to move on, she gets pissed:

Move on? I gave her everything. And she has the gall to send you to break me? Get us out of here. All of us. And hope for her sake her path never crosses mine again.

If you say you haven't found her:

May Ironhand be with her.

In act 3, Laridda says this about her:

"She's made it quite clear she doesn't want me around. When I think about it, I'm not sure she ever did - I was foolish."

"Philomeen's dead - it's what she always wanted. To die for the cause. I wish she'd spared a thought for me."

Philomeen says this about Laridda in act 3 if Laridda is dead:

"But Laridda should've shown some backbone instead of sitting there waiting to be rescued. That's why we never would've worked - and why she wasn't cut out for the Ironhand clan."

And if she isn't, Philomeen says, "Laridda? She was a bit surprised to find out I wasn't dead, to put it mildly. Then angry." The dev notes she's "trying to recall something unimportant".

[strangerhawke]

chosen names are so weird because honestly for the longest time i’ve never really felt connected to any name. all the names i chose were because of a feeling - but not a real one. a feeling of ‘who i want to be’ as opposed to who i am. i don’t know who i am, so how could i possibly put a name to it?

Cee was just a way to cut off my birthname, like cauterising a wound. but it felt like being left with the bloody mess to deal with.

Zeke represented ‘the opposite’. i look like a woman, but my name is masculine - therefore people will think twice about misgendering me. they never did. always she. didn’t even seem to clock to them that it meant something more. Zeke became a placeholder - a ‘waiting until you notice’ name. a passive name. enough to make people look twice, but not enough to prompt a conversation about it.

so i tried something else. at first i was Ziggy - a nickname a friend used for me. i liked Z’s, and the name felt bouncy and flexible. it felt like that a carefree person would have, someone whimsical who could go with the flow. and in moments of panic and frustration and hatred and anger, i felt like a clown. the name became a brand for Kooky Nonbinary Person and it felt like i was humiliating myself on purpose. a name that was too ‘silly’ for people to respect. for my family to laugh about.

all in my head, obviously. no one ever said a word to me about the name while i had it. but my own mind conjured up this false audience who chipped away at each and every detail. (probably spent too much time on twitter)

then it was Zag. video game character name. my brain being drawn to this name felt like the teenager inside of me trying to get out. but Zagreus is strong, funny, witty, kind - things i longed to be. and Z is my favourite letter, so. bonus.

Zag fell apart in the same way as Ziggy did; although mainly it felt as though i was using the name as a caricature - implying i was all of those things when i wasn’t. i was just a sad depressed person who didn’t really leave the house.

and then i played omori.

a game about a sad depressed person who doesn’t leave the house.

a person who feels like a blank slate, waiting for other people to write on them. and his name was Sunny. it could be any name, of course - it’s a video game. but the default name is sunny. and seeing this bright vibrant name that implied such joy, such warmth, such light beside a black and white neutral face was such a wonderful contrast. the idea that my name didn’t have to correspond to who i am, or could in fact be the opposite in a way that was pleasing as opposed to debilitating - was wonderful to me. and though i initially held off on using it - it didn’t begin with Z, and this bothered me greatly - i gave it a shot. and found that while it didn’t ‘fit’ in the way chosen names seemed to for so many other people, it wasn’t an idea, or a feeling. it was a name.

and it feels like i’ve grown into that name as opposed to it fitting to me. the person i couldn’t see before is there in my reflection. it’s murky but it’s there. when i see my name i know it’s me.

my family still calls me zeke, or my birthname, but it doesn’t matter as much as it used to. zeke became a title to my nieces, and has the feeling of a family nickname to it.

the other names are just lines in the sand washed away by the sea. moments of me that tried to be, and couldn’t.

but i’m trying to be sunny for as long as i can. i don’t expect to change it again, but i don’t expect it not to. expecting anything leads to disappointment.

names aren’t ideas, or concepts, or who you want to be - they’re you. they’re just you.

[writingquestionsanswered]

How would you find ways to reference a character who, in-story, just has a nickname or no real name given for some reason? (Written in third-person.) For example: what are other people gonna say, when they talk about HIM? Or would you just leave a blank or make a something happen, whenever his real name is mentioned?

Your answers help so much, by the way.

Hope, you have a good day.

Referencing a Nameless Character

It really depends on the situation and how experimental you want to be (and can afford to be.) In most stories, you probably wouldn't get away with a blank space or other gimmick, but it's up to you to figure out if yours is a story where that would work.

Typically, a third-person omniscient narrator will use the name the character is first introduced with, or in some situations, the name the character goes by most often. In third-person limited, it would depend on the name used by the POV character to refer to the character. For example, if the POV character knows the character as M-Dawg, that's how they'll refer to the character.

If the character's nickname is an observational placeholder, like, "The man in the yellow hat," you want to be careful not to overuse it, no matter who is using the reference. These types of nicknames can wear on the reader with overuse. You can limit overuse by alternating with other options (when possible) and making sure you're not over tagging dialogue. (Avoiding Repetition with Dialogue Tags) In some cases, you may be able to get away with just using a pronoun. Again, it all depends on the situation, so just follow your gut and do what you can to avoid overuse and repetition. :)

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[kitakyushu-division]

“Truth is not only stranger than fiction, it is more interesting." —William Randolph Hearst

Introduction 👤

“John Doe” is a photographic journalist and leader of Kitakyushu Division's VIVA⭐️RIUM. A mysterious young man, he was believed to be the person who took photos showcasing the full extent of the Party of Words’ corruption, but at the same time he was also believed to be the same person who has taken countless private pictures of countless celebrities in Japan as a paparazzo.

No one knows why he is in the DRB.

Link to neka used

Appearance

A lot of people who took claims of witnessing him never really have one solid description of him.

But if we go by the pictures released after the team joined the DRB, he is a young man in his mid-20s with warm ivory skin and black eyes that constantly sparkle. He has blonde hair in a jellyfish cut. Celebrities however attest that he actually has short black hair. Regardless of description, his ears are said to be pierced on his lobes, each ear having a dangling rectangular earring.

Most people who have witnessed him say he wears a white button up (sometimes paired with a green vest with an embroidered fly), dark brown pants and black loafers.

He is always carrying a camera, most likely a Fujifilm X100V.

Name Meaning

John Doe is usually used as a placeholder name for unknown men typically in the legal context.

Nicknames and Aliases

No-Lifer - Felix

Roadkill - Kokoro

Camera Guy - Chiyuri

Paparazzi, Eagle Eyes, Psychopath with a camera - others

“Takahashi Lola’s Biggest Fan”

Literally every variant of John/Jean(ne)/Jan ever

Biographical Info

Gender - Male

Age - 22-26 (estimate)

Birthday - March 18?

Star Sign - Pisces

Ethnicity - Japanese?

Hair Colour - Blonde? Black?

Eye Colour - Black

Height - 5’5” (estimate)

Markings - ???

Piercings - Lobe

Family -

Siblings?

Voice Claim: Yoshihide Sasaki(speaking); NORISTRY (singing/rapping)

Fun Facts

Occupation - Photographic Journalist? Paparazzi

Division - Kitakyushu

Team - VIVA⭐️RIUM

Position - Leader

Favourite Food - None in particular

Least Favourite Food - None in particular

Likes - Celebrities especially Lola, sightseeing, taking pictures as to ‘preserve’ things, mythology

Dislikes - Anybody obstructing his view especially if that view is Lola, Felix’s nagging, Kokoro’s brooding, boredom

Image Color - Medium Stone Gray (#D3D3D5)

Hypnosis Microphone

John Doe’s Hypnosis Microphone takes the form of a black handheld mic with a logo box on the middle aka a flag. The flag’s logo is never definite and what is shown there depends on one’s perception of him.

His speakers take the form of a cluster of countless cameras except the lenses are replaced with well… speakers. Each of them are flashing in sync to the beat of his rap

John Doe’s rap ability, Angel Eye, well, he’s keeping that a secret until then.

His rap themes are about one thing the media loves so much— showbiz! The glamour, the scandal, the controversy that all comes with showbiz! He references the lives of countless celebrities both in and out of the country and the public and private details about them no matter what they are, even if that were to be bits of juicy gossip they wouldn’t want people to know of, it doesn’t matter to him as long as something can fill in a headline. Speaking of showbiz, he sometimes mentions a particular “goddess” he met through there and how he would dedicate every moment of his entire life to her.

Personality

Being only known as an enigmatic entity, there really isn’t much to say about him... Those who have claimed to witness him however describe him as a man who is easily captivated by beautiful people and beautiful things and tends to get carried away by them making him forget about everything else surrounding him.

To celebrities who claim to have seen him, he is no more than an obsessive prick who would pry into anyone’s personal life. Once something or someone has caught his interest, there’s hardly a chance that he will leave them alone, not until he has the full scoop of things. He allegedly uses all of these just for some cheap gossip to hit the headlines.

Kokoro and Felix say he’s an insufferable man who just does whatever.

Background

<???>

Trivia

His birthday is the supposed day of the John Doe hack attacks on the platform ROBLOX until it was proven that it was just a myth

^it's only listed as so due to a handful of pictures online showing a similar looking man celebrating his birthday on that day

He allegedly owns countless folders filled with nothing but picture after picture of the model Lola Takahashi, who he calls his reason why he continues to live. Surprisingly his liking for Lola is neither sexual nor romantic

There’s a theory that he is not one man, but rather two(+) people due to many not having one solid description of his appearance

[thesoulesscollection]

Toppat Charles Hcs

Been wanting to do some Hcs for a while and I've always been interested in the idea of Toppat Charles. So I did my own take on the idea. May add and or update later since it's all up in the air here, done for fun really. 

Also, this is inspired by the Au; Single Father Terrence by @dark-twist-fairytaless (hope you don't mind). Since I can never get the Au out of my head. Where Terrence Suave is the adoptive father of Burt and in this Au, Charles as well. 

Warning Long Post Down Below; 

The youngest to ever become leader in Toppat history; was appointed at the age of 17 yo due to the previous leader, his adoptive father, Terrence, having mysteriously disappeared without a trace 

Due to being the clan's leader so young did have an impact on them. Constantly they feel pressured to be perfect and happy all the time 'keep smiling and stay positive' is their spoken motto

Does suffer from severe imposter syndrome, anxiety, depression, sleep deprivation, and mild snaps of spitting anger among many other hidden issues

Had a very close relationship with his father, seen as the baby of the clan, nicknamed 'Angel' so he was quite spoiled by everyone, but mostly by Terrence 

^ So Charles was devastated when hearing the news of his father's sudden, unanswered disappearance and then further stressed over taking over the leader title so soon and young

Charles has an even closer relationship with his older sibling, Burt, practically glued to the hip, both are the other's emotional support

Now at the age of 23yo, Charles gained the clan's respect, making a respected, terrifying name for themselves both in the clan and outside it.

Never bothered to assign himself a right hand, in the beginning in his hope thought his father would return. Then later, just wasn't interested in the idea and nobody really caught their attention either

^ Although he does have Reginald, the previous right hand to supervise over and act as the 'placeholder' for the empty title 

^ Besides Reginald, there was one person Charles did want to be his right hand and that was his older brother, Burt though the other declined the offer. So it's up in the air 

Nobody takes Charles seriously at first by their short, soft appearance and seemingly cheerfully upbeat attitude, sharp toothed smile always on his face. Though underneath, that positive mask, is a sharp witted, calculated young man who's extremely loyal and protective over the clan

Used to and still can be reckless in their decision making as well, as very adventurous. A very familiar trait given his father's deeds though thankfully been properly molded by Reg to be useful

Overall Attire; Color scheme is mainly white and gold with sprinkles of red meant to resemble the appeal of Angels/Angelics. White top hat with gold trims connected with a red headset. A white suit with thin gold trims, with a fitted red vest corset, black button up shirt underneath, and a white large coat that almost drapes on the floor

^ Tends to dress more flamboyant and relaxed than not whenever given the chance, for example; heels, makeup, jewelry. Or tight, body hugging outfits.

^ Honestly, Charles is more fluid in how they present themselves and genuinely dress how they please. Clothing isn't held hostage by gender for them, anything goes

[kitkat-the-muffin]

This took a while but it’s finally done!

I’m quite proud of how this turned out. Took me all week to design and draw the character, and took me all day to photoshop this Strife template (I don’t believe in downloading fonts)

Anyway, this is my Usersona for Cloutchase! Think of it as my new online presence (at least until I recolor it for future use)

I’ve put the full drawing, as well as further elaboration on the process, below the cut, and I recommend checking that out too!

I did trace the og template a bit, but that’s cause I suck at drawing poses. The arms are entirely my own design though, so I’m kind of proud of that. The colors were color-picked from previous usersonas so I had a palette to work with

I struggled a lot with the outfit design, and that was mostly due to the limited colors at my disposal. I think it turned out alright, though, even if it didn’t all go according to my initial sketch. For example, I wanted a small ponytail but ended up with two long pigtails. They’re absolutely fabulous though, so I’m very happy with the end result. You can’t make something grand without scratching a few drafts first, after all. I plan to maybe use this design in the future for other things after I think of a new color scheme. My placeholder colors were magenta, purple, and teal!

I actually based the design off of several references from characters I like, or more specifically characters I want to cosplay some day. Those characters were Uzura from Princess Tutu, Sophia from Persona 5 Strikers, Strelitzia from Kingdom Hearts Union X, and Saki from Romantic Killer. All four of these characters also happen to be previous profile pictures of mine from Discord, so I guess that’s why I felt drawn to their designs when creating this new online persona, or “usersona” lol

I named her Muffy (she/her) cause that’s the nickname I’m trying to push for on Tumblr, especially after being called “Kitkat” or “Kat” for about 6 years now. It’s time for a change I suppose. The “McQueen” part is in relation to my blog title as a self proclaimed “shipping queen” but also I wanted to make a Cars joke. The Strife Specibus was a last minute decision, though. I was gonna go with yoyokind but then realized I ALWAYS use yoyokind as my default weapon and I don’t even know how to use yo-yos irl. So instead I decided to give my little chaos child the most dangerous weapon in America that isn’t a gun: pepper spray.

“Peprsprykind” is an actual modus from canon too, I saw it on the wiki hahah. Muffy only has one can but it’s full of GLITTER so she can ruin people’s lives and make them sparkle all at once! However, she does have some restraint of course, it’s only for when she’s feeling evil of vengeful heheheheh. I had a whole conversation with a friend about how choosing pepper spray seemed kind of boring to me at first, but maybe I can do something unique with it. Maybe use it on Amino and watch them swallow it like the ungodly demon they are, who knows?

Anyway, might post the progress video later if I feel like it. For now ima relax tho since this is my first actual drawing in a while that I’m actually proud of, and I’m tired from dedicating a week to it

I hope the @cloutchase team enjoys Muffy’s presence as much as I do

[cacturne]

how come you name your DA protags after birds? :O

WELL!!! Honestly the reason is not very complicated, ive always had a lot of difficulty in the naming phase of my OCs and considering i did not know a SINGLE thing about dragon age before jumping into it and there were seemingly no naming conventions in lore to go off of after googling it i did the next best thing.

Lean into my general love of birds!

With vulture it started more as a placeholder to be honest, i was expecting to find a normal name for her and chalk vulture up to be some kind of nickname to explain it away after getting more familiar with lore, but after a while i just kind of gave up on it. Her having a real name or not specifically is still kind of up in the air, but i wont lose any sleep from it being unresolved.

Hawk is the first one to sort of break the convention since she does have a normal first name (francesca) but uses hawk as a nickname based on her last name (hawke) since it was basically given to me on a silver platter!

Heron is just heron. Luckily for tal-vashoth they name themselves literally whatever from what i understand so she is IN THE CLEAR!!! when it comes to canon compliance.