#it was a little awkward having to re-introduce myself to everyone
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
merriblu · 5 months ago
Text
So, mom in-law gave us a last minute announcement that she is getting married and whereas my wife has wonderful wedding appropriate clothes.. I do not. I’ve lost a lot of weight and nothing fits, so my wife frantically dresses me in her clothes and we hope for the best.
Tumblr media
The only things that are mine in this photo is the white shirt and shoes. I think it’s not half bad until you see how short the pants are ahahah!
It was really a beautiful ceremony and I hope my Mutti experiences only happiness and love with her new husband.
8 notes · View notes
strawberry-halla · 2 months ago
Text
dragon age: the veilguard - a review: part two - the storyline: act one
hello everyone! this is the first act of the second part of a multi-part review of dragon age: the veilguard.
disclaimer! i am not a professional reviewer, i am just another fan that thoroughly enjoys the dragon age series. my opinion is not at all the pen-ultimate truth, i'm just here to share my thoughts!
criticism and comments are welcome! i appreciate any and all discussions about dragon age! feel free to dm or send an ask if you'd like to share your own thoughts!
if you would like to read part one, it is linked here for your convenience! https://www.tumblr.com/strawberry-halla/767272818181390336/dragon-age-the-veilguard-a-review-part-one
[this post contains spoilers for the entirety of dragon age: the veilguard, please do not click the 'read more' if you do not want to be spoiled! you have been warned!]
hokay so this part is the hardest thing i have ever written...and there are two more acts to write about...woo! i had to replay act one of the veilguard to fully understand the beginnings of the game, since at the time of writing my first draft (when part two was just one post), i kept feeling like i was missing pieces of what i recalled. so! as we speak, i am replaying the veilguard and have just finished act one. but enough about that, let's just get into it.
act one is meant to serve as an introduction (or re-introduction) to the player of the world of thedas. it has been eight years since trespasser, the final dragon age: inquisition dlc, and right off the bat there are major changes in how the story operates.
the prologue of veilguard itself is well executed, i was thoroughly invested in the race against the clock to stop solas, this beginning sequence was executed very well. there are so many emotions in such a short amount of time, and it had my heart racing on my first playthrough that there would be many more moments such as these.
unfortunately, there are few and far between in act one. these first chapters stumble a bit in execution, especially when it came to recruiting the members of the veilguard. some companions wove themselves well into the narrative with their introduction.
for example, lace harding being introduced so early into the game really helped establish a stable footing for returning players such as myself. an old friend to welcome us back alongside varric, and a 'nice character' companion to boot so the new player doesn't feel any awkward tension or disconnection.
the same cannot be said for bellara. i enjoy her A LOT, but her introduction was forgettable. she's the 'quirky girl' of the group, and it took me a bit to actually warm up to her as a character because i was a little off-put by her dialogue. her introduction felt too quick and to-the-point, like the game itself was trying to rush us past this area so we could keep the recruitment train going. i originally forgot in my first draft how bellara even joined the veilguard. nothing interesting happens during this quest. the nadas dirthalen does not seem as important as it really is here because the dialogue skips around so quickly. which leads me to a sort of a side tangent:
i miss the optional dialogue in origins and inquisition when we could ask characters multiple questions to better understand them or things they know about. it certainly helped me understand lore and it also helped me understand the character's motives more. i don't get that in veilguard at all. there are very few instances when you can ask maybe three questions MAX and i cannot even recall it being relevant in act one very much. and it was always during quest dialogue, we could never just go talk to our companions and other npcs and ask them questions. a huge wasted opportunity.
the highlights of act one's main quests are d'meta's crossing, meeting the inquisitor, talking to solas, and weisshaupt fortress. everything in-between felt very surface level. lore, history, and recent events are glossed over so quickly that it almost makes my head spin. solas casually dropping that the black city was the ancient prison the evanuris were trapped in, and the magisters that pierced the veil to get there unleashed the blight is fucking unbelievable. he's like "yeah the magisters breached my prison trying to reach the golden city and were stupid enough to let some of the blight out" like WHAT THE FUCK? and rook does not even seem to care! what is this dialogue???
is this not the same series that carefully built up lore over three games that the evanuris were actually evil mages that oppressed the elves and abused their powers? is this not the same universe where solas was set up to be the antagonist of veilguard, 'the villain was actually next to you the whole time' trope, in inquisition? this same character who carefully and gently guided the inquisitor to the truth is just freely slinging it 'no big deal' into our laps and never again after that? im sorry but holy shit. the way veilguard treats its own lore sometimes is baffling! it doesn't help that everything else important characters can't mention in dialogue is shoved into codices!
there was SO much potential to carefully maneuver the reveals of these lore bombs into more lasting impacts. the game itself has plenty of time for it. i have dropped over 100 hours total at the time of writing this (which is one and a quarter playthroughs for me) and i still don't think the original 70 hours i sunk into my first playthrough was enough. i wanted more. veilguard NEEDED more time to explain itself.
i cannot help but be so upset how surface level the majority of the writing in veilguard is. and i love this game still despite this glaring problem! thankfully, act one is the worst offender. acts 2 and 3 are so much easier to digest, but veilguard's most glaring problems are in act one.
and do not get me started on the minrathous/treviso decision. this choice irks me. it COULD have been impactful. making rook doubt themself, their leadership, and their ability to make decisions. but it doesn't even matter? or at least it FEELS like it doesn't. because everything characters talk about regarding this decision is the same. "oh it sucks here now! why did this happen? here's a quest where you try to salvage something of this tragedy and someone unimportant dies! oh no! you should feel bad this happened because it was your fault!" uhm okay?
there were no significant cutscenes or cinematic moments with this decision that made me feel anything. and also, this came so out of left field. i searched for any sort of foreshadowing that this was about to happen and there wasn't. there were no notes, no codices, no dialogue from the venatori or antaam that hinted that something of this magnitude was about to occur. it just happens.
at least with inquisition, for example, the decision between choosing the templars or mages to ally with there is a sense of foreboding. that something is wrong with both factions. it's up to the player to decide where to go from there and the consequences of not choosing the latter feel REAL. you see the actions of your consequences before your very eyes when corypheus attacks haven and even after!
there doesn't feel like there was any consequence to the minrathous/treviso choice because later down the line, the storyline converges and there are no alternate paths. you can still talk to the major faction characters from both sides. they end up being okay in the end anyways.
i want raw consequences to my actions, bioware. i want to feel the turmoil of my choice and be excited to try the other option in another playthrough to see what could have been.
to set aside the negativity for now, i will praise veilguard's execution of the relationship in act one between solas and rook. rook is wary of solas and his intentions to help them. solas is very different here from his humble beginnings in inquisition. he's not even solas. he's the dread wolf, fen'harel, general and cunning trickster. this side of him was so jaw-dropping to see, a complete 180. i loved every second of it and i loved having my rook disagree with him at every turn. it was incredible. i was eager to speak with him at every opportunity.
i was also thoroughly impressed with the pieces we got of elgar'nan and ghilan'nain, more so the latter. ghilan'nain is an abomination. she is driven mad with blight and uncaring to the core. she is willing to do anything it takes to win, even at the cost of many lives. she takes those lives and twists them into something truly monstrous. and she thinks this is saving them. making them better. ghilan'nain is so blind to her horrible experimentation that even elgar'nan is wary. elgar'nan is hardly seen in act one, since he is presumably working to create the red lyrium dagger, commanding the venatori and antaam to do his bidding, and working on reviving lusacan. it's a little disappointing we don't see fractions of his power throughout, but we truly feel his threat in later acts.
another worthy note of act one is the handling of d'meta's crossing and weisshaupt fortress respectfully. the former, we are introduced to the blight and boy do we know something is definitely wrong with it. the portrayal of the blight in previous entries has always been unnerving and creepy, very gross and skin-crawling. veilguard takes this notion and cranks it up by ten. i didn't even want to walk near the blight boils because of how ominously gross they were. i was afraid something was going to burst out of the blight boils and grab me. so cool.
and the fact this blight swallowed up an entire village and its population in a matter of days is insane. in origins, when we were dealing with the blight, the spread felt much slower and looming. in veilguard, the blight is unstoppable. unyielding and horrifying. it took over the minds of the few surviviors of the village and turned them into thralls. it consumed the dead and grew more blight in its wake in a matter of moments. nothing could have stopped it. not even the grey wardens. this is when you start to feel the evanuris's power is truly otherworldly.
in weisshaupt, this notion was taken to the extreme. there is no timeframe of how long it took for ghilan'nain to gather her darkspawn army, blight two dragons, and experiment on her archdemon, but it feels like no time at all. she has an unstoppable force of blight, she is its commander and nurturer. and in a matter of minutes, in the first time since before the first blight a thousand years ago, the grey wardens almost fail in their oath. they lost the fortress that was meant to withstand the blight in all its glory. the only reason they survive is with rook and the veilguard's help.
the first warden's ego almost destroys the entire order because he thinks the grey wardens know all the answers. it drives home the fact that the grey wardens are not heroes. they were merely the best answer to the blight. they are not perfect. they are corrupted by their own power, the very notion that only they can defeat the blight. i love how veilguard drives this idea so far home. inquisition set up the pieces with 'here lies the abyss', 'the siege of weisshaupt' just allowed for everything to fall into place. a wonderful execution, truly. sadly the stumbling we had to do to get here almost outweighs this incredible end to the first act. and like many others, i almost let the glaring flaws blind me.
i do not hate dragon age: the veilguard. i actually love it a lot. i just have a lot of criticisms on how easily and quickly things are glossed over to keep the story moving. i want to sit and chew on my food, damn it.
again, act one was the most difficult for me to write about because it has the most problems. veilguard's act one missed so many opportunities in the first part of the game to be better. i know this is in-part an issue with the executives and leaders at EA. in addition, all its development woes. i still have great respect for the writers, developers, artists, graphic designers, animators, programmers, and the many other people that made veilguard happen. i believe veilguard is a good game. it has its flaws like its predecessors and i have accepted them. i hope many people who have written off veilguard as a failure give it another chance.
thank you for those who have read this far. i truly love the dragon age series and what it has meant to me will forever be impossible to describe. this review is not over, i will be tackling act 2 next once i finish replaying it. thank you again for reading!
7 notes · View notes
bookmuseum · 2 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
[REVIEW] War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
4/5 stars (★★★★)
DISCLAIMER: I will compare W&P a lot to Anna Karenina because it’s Tolstoy’s other masterpiece and my favorite book. Also oh my God, this review is so long and disorganized. I tried my best to break it apart into digestible sections, but that’s what happens when I take over a month to read a Russian brick with a girth the size of Napoleon’s fat French ego.
“I was happy and free and in such a good mood. I didn’t realize how happy I was. When did that end, and when did this ghastly business begin?”
General Overview and W&P as a “Book”
It took me seven years to finally read this book. I got this beautiful clothbound Penguin edition in my last year of high school from my best friend. Another girl in my class (who I didn’t like because she said Dostoyevsky wasn’t good, the bitch) was reading it too to show off that she could do it, and the petty side of me wanted to immediately start it (I had already read Anna Karenina and loved it, how hard can it be?) but I also knew there was absolutely no way an eighteen year old going into Biology for university would even survive the first 100 pages of W&P. And I was right. I am so glad I chose to wait until I was a little older (and transferred to English, leaving my cursed STEM days behind) to finally read it. I am not eager to re-read it any time soon though. 
Before I actually started W&P, I watched a few documentary videos and did a modest Wikipedia dive into the Napoleonic Wars, particularly the Battle of Borodino and the French invasion of Russia in 1812 that I knew the novel’s climax would lead up to. I did this partly because I’m insane, but mostly because I knew virtually nothing about this point in time beyond what I learned in high school (most of my Russian historical knowledge starts around the late 19th to early 20th century). I was so, so glad that I did some research beforehand because I would’ve been so lost if I didn’t! I knew this edition translated and edited by Anthony Briggs was lacking in the supplementary reading department just from skimming the Introduction (the book gradually decreased its footnote quality and quantity as the book progressed), so I had to find my context elsewhere. I had fun researching, though I know not many would have found it all that entertaining. I also looked a little more into Tolstoy’s life and read the book’s chronology of him. Despite being one of my favorite authors, I feel like as a person he’s very distant and far away to me, which makes it even more hard-hitting during the moments when he says stuff that’s all too real like, “The countess was repeating the delusion of so many parents, who imagine their children have no secrets from them.” Damn, Leo. You’re right. 
I spent a week on the preliminary stuff. W&P is one of those epic classic tomes that everyone says they’ll read, but never do. I totally get it. I honestly almost died and/or accidentally gave myself a concussion trying to haul this book around while I was reading it. This shit takes dedication. Even though I had some background set up, it was still difficult to know where to start because it’s so, so long. Yes, I love Russian literature, but I’d be lying if I said W&P’s >1400+ pages didn’t intimidate me. It also didn’t help that the book itself was awkward and heavy to carry; it made me realize how I do a lot of reading on-the-go because the book was so huge and unportable that I was forced to leave it at home whenever I went out, which significantly slowed down my reading pace. (W&P isn’t exactly a light cafe read that I can just tote around all day). That being said, I was surprised at how straightforward and easy to read the actual prose was, especially in the beginning when Tolstoy focused more on exposition and introducing the plot. I was so grateful that the chapters were so short; I think that alone kept me reading and significantly interested for a good chunk because I’d suddenly find myself having read 100 pages without getting too tired with the story. The writing is modern and simple enough to follow for the most part, although Briggs did say in his Introduction that one of his biggest aims was to make the book more accessible. For anyone who wants to read W&P but is scared to do it, I would say that, at least, this is one of its few consolations. 
I Hate Men But Specifically Andrey Bolkonsky
My first impression when I actually got into the thick of things was that I really, really disliked the main male characters. When I met Prince Andrey and Pierre, I immediately hated the former and was extremely wary of the latter for appearing to be such a weak-willed person. I think Tolstoy succeeded a little too well in establishing Pierre as a rakish, deplorable character at the start of the book. His initial slutty, drunken forays at Kuragin’s were boring to read. I thought the bear tied to the police episode was funny, but when it was actually happening I was more disgusted by the careless animal torture done by these rich upper-class men than the cop harrassment. So much male stupidity in those beginning parts; I found it hard to sympathize with Pierre and even got to a point where I was frustrated he was one of the main characters. Like big whoop, you’re a bastard and don’t know your father very well but you’re also his favorite so you’re not like other girls wah wah what happened to “No one has ever complained of being too much loved“? Get real and grow up, Pierre. (I’d eventually grow fond of him, but not for another hundred or so pages).
Andrey was even worse because he had the audacity to stay horrible the entire time. His mistreatment of his young pregnant wife Princess Lise really unsettled me, especially that scene when she tries to call him out on his cruelty for leaving her all alone with his family even though she’s scared to give birth to his child amongst strangers and Andrey essentially throws a manchild tantrum, making her feel guilty for worrying about the future. Pierre was also in that scene and he just stood by and did nothing, even when the “little princess” was violently sobbing, which is so typical. I think Lise’s character was well written, albeit one-dimensional. She was a complete victim. Tolstoy illustrates very well how men enable and excuse one another’s misogyny and violence. I never forgave Andrey for what he did to her. When she says, “I loved all of you, I never hurt anybody, and look what you have done to me, just look what you have done to me,” it broke my heart and I relished in how it made Andrey feel so guilty. 
He grew more infuriating when he got on the battlefield. He seemed so indifferent to all the carnage around him, spending most of his energy glorifying the war and not caring about anyone but himself. Even when he does change and start to reflect more on who he is as a person, he always fell short from truly realizing the immensity of his assholeism. More on him later.
I did like some male characters though, like Denisov and his odd way of talking. I also liked old Count Ilya Rostov, Kutuzov, Platon Karatayev, and little prince Nikolay. I knew Petya was going to die so I forced myself not to like him much, which wasn’t very hard since he was kind of a dithering idiot.
Thoughts on the Rostovs and Russian Aristocracy
I liked reading about the Rostovs consistently; I think out of the four main families in the book (although can I really count the Drubetskoys as a fourth?), I enjoyed their sections the best. Interestingly enough, out of the Rostovs, I found the eldest daughter Vera the most fascinating, so I was kind of disappointed when Tolstoy married her off and she didn’t show up in the text anymore after that little housewarming party. He established her as a Lady Macbeth-like figure and I thought she had so much potential being the “black sheep” of the Rostov clan. I know the book is already long as it is, but I wouldn’t have minded more exploration of Vera, but oh well.
With the Rostovs, I also met another male character I never learned to like much, which is Nikolay. He was entertaining at first in Volume I, but quickly turned extremely dull and like a spoiled brat in my eyes, especially when he goes to war. More on him later, but for now all I can say is there’s no way Tolstoy didn’t know he was making Nikolay into a queer coded character. There is no heterosexual explanation for how homeboy was practically ecstatic and pissing himself whenever he saw the tsar.
I hated the wolf hunting section. I hate hunting scenes in general, but this one is one of the most extravagantly bullshit ones I’ve ever read. So many people were involved just to go chase after a wolf and her cubs; I found it all extremely stupid and diabolically gauche. Amongst many things, the hunt and how excited everyone was for it reminded me how radically different life was back then, especially in regards to the painful disparity between the classes. That part, more than any other in W&P, was so unnecessarily drawn out and lugubriously artificial in its useless aristocratic camaraderie and performative civility to me. Like with the rest of the novel, I was struck by the fact that the characters are very human, yes, but I found them very hard to relate to here because their nobility made them more cringe-worthy and idiotic than usual. I liked that line: “He looked on life as one long party that someone was bound to arrange for him.” I thought that encapsulated the Russian aristocrats perfectly. Their gross wealth and frivolous “problems” painted them in pathetic, unworthy colors to me. When they said stuff like, “But then, I am used to suffering,” and “I shall remember there are no rewards in this world, that in this world there is no honour or justice. In this world you need to be clever and wicked,” I found myself rolling my eyes with the melodrama of it all, rather than actually feeling bad for them. Call me heartless, call me vain. So much rich white people nonsense. Tolstoy unintentionally made it worse by meticulously mentioning the lower classes, valets, peasantry, serfs, servants, and subordinates that attended to all these people. 
Thankfully, after the Rostov hunting episode came one of my favorite sections in the book: Tolstoy’s writing turned magical when he described the Rostovs’ Christmastime in the country. Natasha’s character became more fleshed out here and, to me, she started to be more like a human being that breathes and thinks and feels. That section reminded me a lot of the lyricism and romantic aspects I love so much from AK. It reminded me why I love Tolstoy’s writing; it made me feel so nostalgic and happy just like the characters were, though even when I read it I kept shaking my head because Tolstoy loves romanticizing the poor and “simple” life whilst at the same time never seeing the peasant and serf characters as equals worthy of contemplation.
W&P goes on to have a lot of great lines on truth, the human condition, and the cosmos like, “Nothing has been discovered . . . and nothing has been invented. The only thing we can know is that we don’t know anything. And that is the summit of human wisdom,” and “I feel I can never disappear because nothing disappears in the whole universe, and more than that, I always shall be and always have been in existence. I feel that other spirits exist, far above me, and it’s in their world that you will find truth.” A lot of these quotes were delivered by the Rostovs. I wrote down a lot of them because I appreciated their existential quality, kind of like some of the scenes when Pip was looking up at the sky in Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations. (Of course, the scene that parallels that one best of all is the great comet of 1812 one with Pierre at the end of Volume II). There were a handful of amazing parts, which is to be expected of a classic, but of course it’s impossible to list and talk about them all in the detail that I would want to. 
War (Eugh)
“Once you allow that human life is subject to reason you extinguish any possibility of life.”
I won’t lie: Unlike with AK, which was at least consistent in how it centered around the Russian nobility and high society, I found W&P to be quite a slog a good chunk of the time, especially once we went to war and Tolstoy started going off about shit like, “Each man lives for himself, using his freedom to to get what he wants, and he feels with every fibre of his being that at any particular time he is free to perform an action or refrain from doing so, but the moment any action is taken it becomes an irrevocable piece of history, with a significance which has more to do with predetermination than freedom.” Like okay, that’s somewhat touching and novel, but then he goes on with the long, long passages like:
“We, their descendants — those of us who are not historians seduced by the pleasures of research and can therefore review events with unclouded common sense — find ourselves faced with an incalculable multiplicity of causes. The more deeply we go into the causes, the more of them there are, and each individual cause, or group of causes, seems as justifiable as all the rest, and as false as all the rest in its worthlessness compared with the enormity of the actual events, and it’s further worthlessness (unless you combine it with all the other associated causes) in validating the events that followed . . . If any one of these causes had been missing, nothing could have happened. It follows therefore that all of these causes, billions of them, came together to bring about subsequent events, and these events had no single cause, being bound to happen simply because they were bound to happen. Millions of men, abandoning all human feelings and common sense, were bound to march from west to east and slay their fellows, just as a few centuries ago hordes of men had marched from east to west slaying their fellows.”
Initially my reaction to these tangents was, “That’s all well and fine, Leo. You go, you funky little man,” but my bemusement didn’t last. Maybe because I’m not Russian. After Volume III especially, Tolstoy suddenly decides his yapping about historiographic theory is much better than the hundreds of pages of plot he’d set up and gotten me invested in. Every couple chapters, he’d interrupt the narrative to sprinkle in something groundbreaking like, “‘The hearts of kings are in the hands of God.’ . . . Kings are the slaves of history. . . . History — the amorphous, unconscious life within the swarm of humanity — exploits every minute in the lives of kings as an instrument for the attainment of its own ends.” Very witty, very wise, but there is a reason why this book is so long and it’s partly unjustified. 
While I enjoyed some of these ruminations, I had hoped, like a fool, that the philosophizing would tone down, but it gradually increased. There are entire series of chapters of just Tolstoy presenting his ideas on war, history, freedom, morality, greatness, etc. He made sure you knew he was clever and everyone else was his inferior: “And it never enters anybody’s head that to acknowledge greatness as something existing beyond the rule of right and wrong is to acknowledge one’s own nothingness and infinite smallness . . . And greatness cannot exist without simplicity, goodness and truth.” Though I didn’t necessarily disagree with what he was saying, it was genuinely so aggravating, his Tolstoyian high-horse. (I know what you’ve done Leo, I know the things you did and how messy you were in real life). I fell asleep during these parts the most. I thought I’d enjoy reading about the war sections since I knew Tolstoy drew from his own personal military and war experience, but I found the battlefield to be as boring as it was unoriginal. True, Tolstoy mentions dead men, blood, explosions, gunfire, and chaos, but he does it so casually and without much emotional weight, which is effective in showing just how mind-numbing war is, but it was also somewhat narratively dull: “He was looking at faces and bodies, but they all seemed equally meaningless.” Tolstoy ironically made me all the more sure that, despite all the fanfare and loud noise, war is very boring -- more so than I think he intended. It’s true I was impressed by the book’s extremely vivid details at the start, but over time it grew unbearable and overwhelming. There’s only so much genius you can admire in a man like Tolstoy until you get exhausted with his vanity. He loves the sound of his own voice.
When he did go into his characters’ minds though, I really liked it. I liked when Nikolay had his arm blown off by a cannon exploding and that part when he’s being chased after by two French soldiers but all he can think about is how they don’t really want to kill him, surely, because “everybody loves me!” That made me laugh. Ah, human folly. I liked the moments when characters were just in complete shock with what was happening to them: “It was beyond belief: they were the only ones who knew what life meant to them, so they couldn’t understand, or believe, that it could be taken away.” Tolstoy demonstrated a very intimate yet detached outlook on the battlefield and war. Through the characters, W&P elegantly depicted the anxiety, painful waiting, and standstill of war right before a big fight happens, and then suddenly everything’s unrecognizable chaos:
“One step across that dividing line, so like the one between the living and the dead, and you enter an unknown world of suffering and death. What will you find there? Who will be there? There, just beyond that field, that tree, that sunlit roof? No one knows, and yet you want to know. You dread crossing that line, and yet you still want to cross it. You know sooner or later you will have to go across and find out what is there beyond it, just as you must inevitably find out what lies beyond death. Yet here you are, fit and strong, carefree and excited, with men all around you just the same — strong, excited, and full of life.”
Even though I hate Andrey, I really liked his thoughts during the Schöngrabern engagement and the night leading up to Battle of Austerlitz: 
“Tomorrow, oh yes, tomorrow! . . . Maybe tomorrow will see the last of me, and there will be no more memories — all these memories will have no more meaning for me. Maybe tomorrow — yes, it must be tomorrow — I can feel it coming — for the first time I shall have to show what I’m made of. . . I don’t know what happens next, I can’t possibly know, I don’t wish to know, but if that’s what I want, if I want glory, if I want to be famous and loved by everyone, it’s not my fault that I want this, that this is all I care for, the only thing I live for. Yes, only this! I won’t breathe a word of it to anyone, but, my God!, what can I do, if I care for nothing but glory and the love of men?”
All of that made Andrey’s wake up-call at the end of Volume I all the more satisfying to read: “Looking Napoleon straight in the eye, Prince Andrey mused on the insignificance of greatness, on the insignificance of human life, the meaning of which no one could understand, and most of all the insignificance of death, which no living person could make sense of or explain . . . No, nothing is certain, nothing but the nothingness of all that we can understand, and the splendour of something we can’t understand, but we know to be infinitely important!”
Unfortunately he only half gets it because it's after this that Andrey turns really cynical and broods more than usual, which is so unattractive and irritating: “Who’s right and who’s wrong? No one is. Just live for the day . . . tomorrow you die . . . I could have died an hour ago. And why worry when you’ve only got a second to live on the scale of eternity?” He really thought he had discovered something new about the universe and that made him special, when really he just came to one of the laziest conclusions there is. 
Princess Marya Best Girl
It’s safe to say that I much preferred the “peace” sections in the book. I don’t have enough time or patience to discuss every part that struck me, but I just wanted to mention that scene in Bald Hills when Princess Marya tries to prepare herself and look pretty to meet Anatole while her friends fussed over her in vain. It was really relatable. Her body dysmorphia broke my heart, I knew exactly how she felt. And Princy Vasily and Anatole’s thinly veiled misogyny and complete indifference to all her efforts were all too cruel and realistic. Ugh. Men! It’s always the men!
I think Marya was one of the most strikingly humane characters, which was unexpected because Tolstoy usually doesn’t imbibe his female characters with that much soul (or when he does, he kills them off eventually like Anna Karenina). His scathing depiction of the Bolkonsky’s family gender dynamics were eerily brilliant. It was so obvious that Andrey and the old prince expected Marya to do all of the emotional labor and caretaking for them, but they never once acknowledge even to themselves that what they're doing is cruel. I found their relationships and interactions with one another to be viscerally realistic. It’s clear the old prince’s mounting torture of Marya stems from the fact that he emotionally and physically relies on her to a degree that he can't intellectually handle, so he compensates for his feeling emasculated by his own daughter by bullying her severely. Despite appearances, Marya is the head of the family. She’s the nucleus of the household yet also the one with the least appreciation and authority — a classic conundrum of being a woman, particularly the eldest (or only) daughter in a male-dominated household. Even with Mademoiselle Bourienne (who also puts her through a lot of emotional labor that she doesn’t seem to reciprocate), Marya acts more like an elder sister than an equal friend: “I love you more than ever . . . and I shall try to do everything in my power to make you happy.” And the worst part is that Bourienne betrays her over and over again, first with Anatole then her father! It was so upsetting. To add, when Lise was alive, Marya was at her beck and call more than anyone to the point of exhaustion; it’s almost like she symbolically took on the emotional burden of pregnancy, whilst Lise handled the physical and literal aspects of it (not to downgrade either of those, of course). Marya perfectly embodies what countless women are forced to go through every day for little to no reward; it was all so pathetically spot-on and tragic. 
I was even more impressed because Tolstoy emphasizes how Andrey also contributes to Marya’s suffering, but he doesn’t even see it because he’s too caught up with patting himself on the back for being such a good brother and son. Marya literally raises his baby for him and he never once expresses anything like gratitude throughout the entire book, as if her being Nikolay’s surrogate mother after Lise died was always a given. It made his supposed “remorse” for losing his wife seem even more disgustingly inauthentic because he didn’t learn anything from her death, as evidenced by how he continues to mistreat his sister -- the woman who selflessly tries to be both the mother Nikolay never had and the emotional support to Andrey that he’s been deprived of when Lise died. It’s so horrible too because, even though there is that one small part at Bald Hills when they “co-parent” the baby while he’s sick, it’s overwhelmingly clear that Marya does the day-to-day childcare and Andrey just fucks off whenever he feels like it. When he does come back, he almost always complains about how she’s raising his son by disagreeing with the decisions she is so clearly more qualified to make for him. In general, he’s so condescending to her in a way that annoyingly echoes his father’s sadism; for example, there's that one scene where Andrey and Pierre find Marya hanging out with some pilgrims, and Andrey the asshole’s immediate reaction is to belittle and make fun of her to the point that even Pierre gets a little freaked out by it and apologizes to her for him. His weaponized incompetence and total cognitive dissonance to reality coupled with his laughable attempts to prove himself a “good man” throughout the book made him a joke of a character to me. That’s why I really liked that small jab Tolstoy includes when Andrey is being sassy towards his sister, claiming to have his own private epiphanies that she couldn’t possibly understand. The text says, “It was at times like this that Princess Marya thought how desiccated men’s minds become with all that intellectual activity.” Get his ass, Marya! Eviscerate him! He isn’t smart or deep, he’s just a complete tool! I was so glad when he died, I don’t care.
Tolstoy also kept bringing up how, to the very end, Marya always managed to make excuses and forgive her family, especially her father, but the reader really can’t help but feel absolutely infuriated for her. Even if he didn’t intend to show it, it’s obvious Tolstoy based a lot of Marya’s character on his own wife, who did the majority of his emotional and domestic labor for him in real life. It’s very typical that Tolstoy subtly admires and narratively allies himself with Marya because he likes and is attracted to her nobility in theory but in actuality he fails to appreciate or even help his wife with her own work and the life they supposedly share together. Ugh! Men! Always men!
Pierre, Dear Bewildered And Awkward Pierre 
I hope all that ranting has proven that Marya is my favorite character and the one I relate to the most. Pierre is a relatively close second. Even though we had a rough start, I did eventually come around to liking him and his awkwardness. I laughed when Julie Karagin calls him “a miserable specimen of manhood.” That’s when I knew I was dealing with an ideal Russian novel protagonist. By the end of the novel, Pierre is even a little self-aware of his own mysteriously intriguing essence, which I found quite funny: “I’ve come to the conclusion it’s an easy life being an interesting person. (I am now an interesting person.) People invite me over, and they do the talking.”
Tolstoy took great care defining Pierre and fleshing him out not just as the stereotypical “good man,” but a man trying to be good and usually failing: “He had the unfortunate capacity that many men have . . . for seeing and believing in the possibility of goodness and truth, yet seeing the evil and falsehood in life too clearly to be capable of taking any serious part in it.” He reminded me a lot of Kostya from AK, of course, but he felt more flawed and malleable than Konstanin because he just kept messing up over and over again. (True, Kostya also screwed up a lot, but Pierre is on a whole different level). And, most endearingly, he kept coming back for more, which was as admirable as it was ridiculously foolish. I love how Tolstoy lowkey suggested he reached the pinnacle of human suffering: “He had learnt that there is a limit to suffering and a limit to freedom, and those limits are never far away; that a man who has felt discomfort from a crumpled petal in his bed of roses has suffered just as much as he was suffering now, sleeping on the bare, damp earth, with one side freezing while the other side warmed up . . .” Basically, he went through so much bullshit that he reached the last boss level of agony and found enlightenment. Huzzah.
Yes, I felt for Pierre’s seemingly never-ending struggle trying to find his purpose in life, which I found to be more noble than any other character’s quest for meaning (Andrey’s was just pretentious). Pierre went through rollercoaster after rollercoaster of emotions throughout the entire book -- arguably, he experiences the entire spectrum of human emotions, which is what makes him so grand to me. Even when he started growing cynical after he got arrested and put into prison, I never blamed him for being pessimistic like I did with Andrey: “But now he felt he wasn’t to blame for the world collapsing before his eyes and leaving nothing but meaningless ruins behind. He felt powerless; there was no way back to his old faith in life.” I know it’s not exactly fair to compare both their sufferings or claim one got hurt more than the other (although Andrey did die, so I guess he wins in that department), but Pierre’s internal struggles matched his external grievances much more poetically to me than anyone else’s did. I was fascinated with how he went back and forth from aristocratic balls, futile trips to manage his different estates, underground clubs with gambling and debauchery, visits to his relatives and loved ones, the battlefield, the freemasons’ secret hideouts and meetings, the soulless social functions, the Moscow streets on fire, the different towns on the home front being ravaged by the French, etc. He was compelling. He was a conqueror. Every step he took moved the book forward for me. His character development made his epiphanic moments near the end all the more satisfying:
“And out beyond the forests and fields lay all the shimmering, beckoning distance of infinity. Pierre glanced up at the sky and the play of the stars receding into the depths. ‘And it’s all mine, and it’s all within me, and it all adds up to me!’ thought Pierre. ‘And they caught all that, shut it up in a shed and boarded it in!’”
Pierre had his pathetic loverboy romantic moments too, which always helps. He was both Kostya and Count Vronsky, but better. The line, “If I was somebody else, the handsomest, the cleverest, the best man in the world, and if I were free, I’d be down on my knees right now begging for your hand and your love” will forever be iconic. I honestly didn’t warm up to Pierre and Natasha as a couple until the epilogue since they both seemed so unlikely, albeit good friends, for each other, but when Pierre said that line after gallantly rescuing her from the crafty Kuragin siblings marked a shift in my shipping journey with them. And of course no W&P review is complete without mentioning this absolutely gorgeous line said by him:
“Every single thing I understand, I understand only because of love. Everything is — everything exists — only because I love."
Oh, he’s such a dreamer! “The whole meaning of life, for him and the whole world, seemed to be contained in his love and the possibility of being loved in return.” Oh, how our hearts bleed for him! “With his heart overflowing with love he loved people for no reason at all, and then had no trouble discovering many a sound reason that made them worth loving.” You are too wholesome for this world, Pierre. Too soft, too emotional, too impressionable and well-intentioned! 
I will say though that Pierre Bezukhov has got to be one of the most unhinged characters I’ve ever come across in classic literature, and that’s saying something. (Yes, I’d even say he’s more unhinged than Victor Frankenstein, Dorian Gray, and Henry Jekyll). He was so unnerving and off his rocker the entire time. Tolstoy consistently portrays him as big and strong too, so I kept imagining this gentle giant who felt things too much and didn’t know how to handle it. One screw was always a little too loose with this guy. Even when he’d say poetic stuff like “Life is everything. Life is God. Everything is in flux and movement, and this movement is God . . . To love life is to love God. The hardest and most blessed thing is to love this life even in suffering, innocent suffering,” you’d smile and nod politely because yes, I agree, but you have genuinely lost your marbles, dude. There were parts when he would just burst out laughing randomly for no reason or stumble his way around town in a daze, like he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing. A lot of the time he genuinely was totally out of it. I could feel him physically vibrating with anxiety and angst, especially when he lost his temper (like when he challenges Dolokhov, that made my jaw drop) or when he confronts Anatole after he finds his wife and brother-in-law had conspired to abduct Natasha Rostov for their own selfish amusement. That entire interaction was insane, by the way. He was so right for banishing Anatole and rebuking him like that, but imagine your brother-in-law, who everyone makes fun of for being a corpulent cuckold, starts berating you about this girl you like and threatens to kill you if you don’t stay away from her. And that’s not all, because Pierre goes ahead and adds Anatole should instead fuck his sister, who is also his wife. Holy shit? I was cheering for him that entire scene; I loved how he threw those hands.
Also so hilarious that Pierre started off the book praising Napoleon to the point where he alienates himself from Russian high society but then later on he literally makes the “logical” conclusion that he needs to assassinate him because God chose him to do so apparently. That sequence of him just tweaking out and maniacally overanalyzing the Bible to justify why he needs to kill Napoleon immediately was peak. He’s insane and I cannot help but stan.
Natasha
When I first met the iconic Natasha I was a bit surprised she starts off as practically a child in the book because I knew her so well as the charming woman that Audrey Hepburn played in the 1956 adaptation. Despite being a child when the story starts, Tolstoy made sure you knew she was first and foremost a horny teenager, which was honestly so real of her. I was both amused and a little uncomfortable with how sexual Natasha was at all times. The “love scenes” between Natasha and Boris, as well as Sonya and Nikolay, were uncomfortable to read for me. 
Natasha is a favorite character for many, which I can understand. She was easily the most charismatic and enchanting character, especially when she was happy and doing her utmost to be the center of attention: “She was at the very peak of happiness, when a person is transformed into someone completely good and kind, and rejects the slightest possibility of evil, misery, and grief.” Her more contemplative, sensitive side was stunning too. I really love the conversation when Natasha says, “‘Do you ever get the feeling . . . that nothing’s ever going to happen to you again, nothing at all, and anything good is in the past? And you don’t feel bored exactly, but very, very sad?’” and her brother responds, “‘I’ll say! It’s happened to me. Everything’s fine, everyone’s happy, and suddenly you get this feeling of being fed up with everything, and realizing everybody’s going to die.’” How perfectly Tolstoy captures the feeling of restlessness and depression that comes with the humdrum of life! 
Yet, Natasha’s character was most relatable and tender to me when she was painfully pining away for that one year for Andrey. Her brief period of happiness slowly turning into mounting dread, anxiety, and doubt for whether or not she really loved him was splendidly done. Tolstoy affords her a lot of vulnerability and very authentic introspection: “She kept worrying about no one ever being able to understand everything that she understood, everything deep inside her.” Unlike her childhood dalliance with Boris (AKA Mr. Irrelevant), this was the first time she had been in love, and Tolstoy masterfully illustrated the struggles of budding female sexuality clashing with social propriety and courtship conventions. You could feel the potent frustration growing inside her that entire time Natasha was lovesick and helpless to do anything about it. As a woman, she can only wait for letters that gave her no answers or updates to a war she wasn’t allowed to understand. She had this burning passion within her and desperately wanted an outlet to express her love, but Andrey and everyone else (even her own family) cruelly kept her away from it because nobody imagined she as a young girl could feel that strongly, or suffer that deeply. Natasha’s problem really resonated with me as someone who’s had to spend a lot of time away from the people I most care about: “She felt sorry for herself, sorry that all this time was being wasted, passing by uselessly, no good to anyone, while she felt so eager to love and be loved.” I know what it’s like to just have so much love to give and have it amount to nothing. That’s why I wasn’t even that mad at her when she recklessly cancelled her engagement to get with fuckboi Anatole. She had spent months in a suffocating limbo of horniness and yearning so of course it made sense that she’d latch onto the first handsome guy who paid attention to her, even though anyone with a brain could see that Anatole is a rat. Whatever. She’s just a girl!
Natasha’s character development after the Anatole incident was also so brilliant, especially after she reunites with Andrey during the French invasion and nurses him on his deathbed. When he passes away, Tolstoy’s description of her raw grief in the aftermath was breathtaking (pun intended): “She was looking out towards the place in the other side of life where she knew he had gone to. And that other side of life, which she had never given a thought to in days gone by because it had always seemed so remote and unbelievable, was now closer, more natural to her and more understandable than this side of life, where there was nothing but emptiness and desolation or pain and humiliation.” The regret she feels when she says, “If I had told him what I was thinking about I would have said, ‘Even if he stayed like that, dying, dying, dying away before my eyes, I’d have been much happier than I am now.’ Now I have nothing . . . nobody . . . Did he know? No, he didn’t, and he never will. And now it will never, never be possible to put things right” felt so much more real and genuine than Andrey’s so-called remorse over never truly appreciating his dead wife while alive. Andrey wishes he was as deep as Natasha is. I was almost sick with jealousy when I read the line, “You must know that without you there is nothing left in my life, and suffering with you is the greatest possible happiness” because, girl, I know you were the one who screwed up the engagement and were disloyal, but he does not deserve you, get back up.
Fluffy Epilogue Straight Out of AO3
“I would never have believed it, never,’ she murmured to herself, ‘that anyone could be as happy as this.’ Her face glowed with a happy smile, but at the same moment she gave a sigh, and a gentle sadness showed in the depths of her eyes. It was as if there was a different kind of happiness, not like the happiness she was feeling here and now, a form of happiness beyond human experience, and it had come to her in an involuntary memory just at that moment.”
Really happy for Tolstoy that he gave himself an extra >200ish pages to wrap up everything in the same tooth-rotting, happy manner that fanfic writers on AO3 do. The entire first part of the epilogue was so shamelessly self-indulgent and gushy that it made the whole book worth it, no question. Seeing Natasha and Pierre’s married life, as well as learning how much becoming a wife, mother, and mistress of the house has changed Natasha for the better was truly a treat to read. It didn’t even feel like a forced “angel of the house” situation, which would’ve been annoying, because it genuinely made sense that Natasha made that transformation, and Tolstoy did point out that, even though she isn’t as “beautiful” as she was in her youth, she is definitely so much more vibrant and happier, which is what matters. I smiled so wide when Natasha cried out in joy and ran up to embrace Pierre after his long trip, only to do a complete 180 and start scolding him for being away for so long. Her nagging was spot-on and perfect. I loved the scenes where they were just chatting about everyday things, their children, the people they knew, gossip, etc. Tolstoy really depicted their love and marriage so beautifully: “You talk about what it’s like when we’re apart, but you wouldn’t believe what I feel for you when we’re back together again.” Even though I spent the majority of W&P uninterested in their love story, I realized by the epilogue’s conclusion that I adore this couple together and I am happy they are happy. Their love is based on mutual friendship and admiration.
I wish I could say the same for Princess Marya and Nikolay. My best girl ended up with a bare minimum man with anger issues who didn’t even like the nephew she dedicated so much of her life and energy raising all on her own. Plus, even though the epilogue was sweet, I couldn't help but feel utterly terrible for Sonya. I feel like she got one of the shittiest deals throughout the entire book, with Nikolay promising her, “I do love you. I think I love you more than anyone in the world . . . I’ve been in love thousands of times, and I shall be again and again, though I could never feel the same kind of warmth and trust and love that I do towards you” in the beginning, only to grow irritable and tired of her because she’s “too perfect”; then, after years of cheating on her with prostitutes while he was off at war, he marries someone else and she’s forced to live with them as a “sterile flower.” Even fouler that Sonya was the name of Tolstoy’s actual wife. For shame, Leo.
3 notes · View notes
tempi-fantrolls · 2 years ago
Text
Re-Introducing my Trolls: Day 1: Vietta Manzon
Tumblr media
“Greetings! My name is Vietta Manzon. It is a pleasure to meet you all” 
Tumblr media
“Though I must admit I am at a loss for what to say. It is not often that I speak of myself much less only of myself. Hm. Well, I like reading and studying insects. I have a vast library at my disposal left to me by my ancestor. She was a great prophet and I do hope to live up to her legacy when I am grown.
Tumblr media
“She inspired trolls to do so much good in hopes of a better tomorrow. I do not know if I will be the descendant of which she foretold in her prophesies, but I will never the less try to make her proud!
“I unfortunately cannot divulge the secrets of the prophecy. I would love to share the good word, but it would not be taken well outside of quieter circles and, well, let us just say it is a secret.”
_____
Despite being only 4 sweeps old, Vietta is very smart, likely due to all the books she is constantly reading. Her love for books has come at a cost to her social prowess, however, and she is extremely polite but socially awkward around other trolls.
Vietta is a small troll, and probably won’t grow to be much more than 3 feet tall (if her ancestor is anything to go by). Partially due to her pacifistic nature, she is not good at fighting especially against trolls that are much larger than herself (aka almost everyone).
However, Vietta has some kick ass psionics. She has a mastery over illusions that she can project into other’s minds. It isn’t physically damaging in of itself but she’s clever enough to know how to use them. and physical damage isn’t the only damage one needs to be worried about. However, she is a pacifist and would never inflict trauma on purpose.
Personality wise, Vietta is a little ray of sunshine. She believes in and sees the good in everyone. She hasn’t had an easy life (She is a rustblood after all), but every obstacle only makes her more determined to make the world a better place.
4 notes · View notes
theros · 2 years ago
Note
2 and 42 for the otherkin asks
2. What was it like discovering you were otherkin?
Noooot fantastic lol. I've told this full story on twitter before, but I was actually introduced to otherkin through Razgriz Werepack circa 2009. Which, for anyone who doesn't know their reputation, Razgriz was like, THE p-shifter teenwolf werepack of the day. There were tons of others but Razgriz was the most popular and well known, and was an unholy cornucopia of misinformation and typical p-shifter cult nonsense, including spells to become a werewolf/vampire, asking other kids to bite you to "awaken" your latent were abilities, all that type of stuff.
I was on FurAffinity, and my old main character and fursona was a werecat. I did sort of see myself in her and project my feelings of nonhumanity through her, but I didn't know anything about therians or otherkin or any other kind of alterhumanity. I'd always felt weird and nonhuman, but I just thought this was a normal furry thing to feel and that's why I got into furry fandom in the first place.
Anyway I randomly got a DM from a Razgriz member asking if I was a "real" werecat, and since I thought they were roleplaying, I answered in-character. Eventually they realized what was going on and told me no, I was actually a werecat, I just didn't know it yet. They put me through this super ridiculous screening test and I scored an "impossibly" high result on it and they let me join the pack. I was with them for like six months before the "alphas" changed and decided to kick out everyone who they thought was an RPer or otherwise not really a werewolf. At the time, I thought I was demonkin as well as a were, so I got the boot because "demons aren't real".
Some time after that, while looking for a new pack to join, I ran across an 18+ only therian pack online. Their chatroom was open to all ages though, so I hopped in to talk to them and they pretty quickly explained to me that a lot of what I had learned with Razgriz was completely wrong. I was catkin, yes, and was correct about my lynx kintype (aside from the mistaken demon kin, my only known 'types at the time were lynx and snow leopard), but a lot of the other stuff I'd been told (like about AWTOK, which back then was also called The Institute among teenwolf packs) was super wrong. There was a sort of awkward re-examining period where I had to figure out who and what I was without the p-shifter and pack mindset, and realize that yes, I am otherkin, but that my point of view on it up to that point was way off.
42. Have you met anyone else with the same kintype(s) as you?
Oh yeah! Most of my 'types are fairly common. I think the only 'type I have yet to meet another of is kestrels!
With satyrs though, "same" is a little nebulous. I've met plenty of other general or folklore-specific satyrs, but never another one from either of my fictional sources (which are a stronger part of my satyr identity than the mythos one OTL)
Fictomeres are pretty hit or miss, but I've met a couple Prompto and Toothless twins around.
3 notes · View notes
djshannonc321 · 2 years ago
Text
5 Tips for Throwing a Successful Virtual Event
Tumblr media
With Covid-19 and Social distancing being the new normal and Virtual Events being the latest response to traditional events being outlawed, everyone has taken to the internet for connection and celebration. Virtual Zoom Parties, IG Lives, Twitch Streams, and Mixcloud Broadcasts have become the new night clubs where party goers can jump from room to room within a couple of clicks.
A virtual night out might now include Club Quarantine with D Nice, a Zoom Party for Toca Tuesdays with Tony Touch, a Saturday Night IG/ZOOM Dance Party with @HouseOfYes, Virtual Festivals on Twitch and Virtual Concerts and DJ Sets in Fortnite! All right from your couch and in a series of clicks. Online it’s all happening right now when it comes to events and entertainment. I, myself, have now hosted and performed for a series of Virtual Birthday Parties, Virtual Corporate Celebrations, Virtual Workshops, Virtual Networking Groups, and even a Virtual Group DJ Set with the Sinister Syndicate Crew which was broadcasted out to facebook and live to join over Zoom.
I’ve watched some of my favorite bands like GoldFinger re-release live songs recorded safer at home from their individual home studious. And can we just take a moment and enjoy the epic Verzuz battles that have brought some of our musical greats together. Jill Scott and Erykah Badu gave us LIFE in the most recent installment of the Verzuz series of IG Battles. The possibilities are quite endless when it comes to events and entertainment in the online space.
Similar to all of the good that we’ve seen, the internet and technology have produced some rather ugly and awkward moments for virtual event goers and producers as well. By now, I’m sure you’ve attended at least one event that turned into a constant sound check, experienced one awkward zoom moment, or at least you saw the Teddy Riley and Baby Face Verzuz fail where poor tech required the whole event be scrapped and rescheduled. Needless to say, I’m sure you clicked on this article because you don’t want that awkward experience to happen to you. Keep reading for 5 Tips (plus some pro-tip extras) to make sure that next awkward moment doesn’t happen to you.
1. Plan Your Event! The importance of planning, especially in the online space, and especially if you’ve got multiple things going on in the course of your event, CANNOT BE OVERSTATED, I personally like to have a run of show ( itinerary or timeline ) that tells me what should be happening through the course of the event. Here’s a couple of examples:
Virtual Events and Parties are very much like live shows. It makes for a much smoother end user experience when there’s some kind of plan and someone’s taking the lead to move things ahead. An extra pro-tip that helps to move things along is to have someone as a dedicated host or Emcee to help with transitioning between activities. In the Virtual Networking event outlined above, the Client was the host and I followed her lead and the itinerary. For the Birthday Party, I hosted so I was able to make the transitions between activities planned before hand, and the client was able to just enjoy her party. In another event I did, there was no host, but each performer was supposed to introduce the next performer – only someone forgot and it made things kind of awkward.
2. Test the Technology – Another Step that in the virtual space cannot be over stated. [Remember Teddy Riley…] Once you’ve determined your event and the timeline of your event, it’s time to commit to the tech and test it. Some things you should be considering:
1. Where will you host the event? (Zoom, IG, Facebook, GoToMeeting, House Party, etc)
2. What are the technical requirements and capabilities of that tech as it relates to your event? (is there going to be sound other than people talking? Will anyone be performing, etc) Something as simple as broadcasting music can be a little more complicated to get the desired affect in the online space.
3. When can you test? (Make sure to do this well in advance of the event so you’ve got time to troubleshoot if something doesn’t work right the first time) I can personally tell you there’s nothing worse than trying to troubleshoot tech that doesn’t work while the clock steadily ticks down to start time.
A pro-tip when testing is to join the test from a different device than the one you’re broadcasting on so you can get a feel for the actual audience experience. What seems fine from an AV perspective on your broadcasting device may be very different than what the end user is experiencing. Another pro- tip – pretty much anything you’ll come across can worked out with a youtube video. I’ve been able to find tutorials on fixing a blue screen on a pc to setting up OBS software to broadcasting OBS to Zoom and beyond. When it comes to troubleshooting, YouTube and Google are your best friends. Use them.
3. Sound Advice – It’s important to note that sound on the end user side isn’t automatically the same as what you hear on your side. Our devices and the programs we are using to stream have compressors that change the integrity of the sound. Strength and stability of internet connection for both the broadcaster and the viewer can also have a negative impact on sound. Also noteworthy, on almost every broadcasting platform, there’s a slight delay from broadcaster to viewer.
I played a party recently where the host wanted me to play background music for the solo singers and dancers. We had to work out that each performer, especially the singers, would be responsible for broadcasting their own accompanying music to help eliminate the problem of delay and competing audio. For example, notice on Zoom that it’s difficult to hear multiple speakers at the same time. If I’m playing audio and a singer is singing to what they hear, what the user hears will be delayed and out of sync. Also there will be audio fall out between both contributing sound as Zoom tries to toggle between each to determine who’s audio to project.
When I’m playing music, I’m able to get the best quality of sound by plugging my DJ gear directly into my broadcasting device using an audio interface. When broadcasting with a phone, many DJ’s are using an IRIG system that allows XLR or Qtr Inch to 35mm so you can connect to your phone. When broadcasting with a laptop, many DJS are using a USB audio interface or USB enabled mixer to plug directly into the broadcasting computer. Pro Tip – Some broadcasting Programs like Zoom allow you to change audio settings or to use the audio from a usb mic or another assigned source. You may need to explore these settings and options to get the best possible sound.
Another Pro-Tip – close out all programs you aren’t using on the broadcasting device to make sure it’s full CPU is dedicated to the broadcast especially if you’re using Wifi. If you’re on a laptop, hard wire to your modem from the broadcasting laptop if at all possible. Wifi can be unstable, and those internet related sound issues are pretty much out of your hands.
4. Be Adaptable – Despite how much you may have tested and planned, sometimes in the live environment, things go awry. You’ve got to be prepared to shift on a moment’s notice within the capacity of your platform so that the show can go on.
For example, In a birthday party I hosted on Zoom, we were playing a trivia game. I was asking the questions, then playing music while they answered in the chat, and then taking the answers from the chat and putting them into a spreadsheet to keep score. This process was taking a very long time; longer than we had anticipated in practice. So, I switched my scoring method to stopping the music and calling each person’s name from the spreadsheet and letting them answer aloud. (instead of in the chat) This made the game move quicker and allowed for a more interactive experience in that moment because each person who answered could also tell a little story or make a joke with their answer.
In another example, someone Zoom Bombed one of the events I was attending. The Host didn’t have the waiting room setup and had the feature that allowed all users to share their screens enabled. So a user came in and started sharing his screen over top of the performer and doing all kinds of inappropriate things. The admin who was running the room and producing the broadcast feed was able to quickly fix the zoom preferences and kick the person into the waiting room. If he hadn’t been quick to notice and respond, the outcome could have been a lot worse. Pro-tip – use the Waiting Room and Password features in Zoom and keep your software updated to be on the most secure version to help keep your event secure.
In a final example, I was doing a back-to-back DJ set with a friend of mine who is a popular DJ in London. Her sound setup was completely different than mine, and we’d tested on multiple occasions, including just before the show. The day of the show, however, I changed my complete sound and broadcast setup from the setup I’d used multiple times prior. We tested it several times, but when it came for showtime the new setup ran into all sorts of sound issues that hadn’t shown up in sound check and I wasn’t able to broadcast my part. I was communicating with her privately on What’sApp to explain what was happening as I frantically tried to troubleshoot on my side. She ended up playing the entire set (both mine and hers) while I’d chime in on the mic occasionally and interacted in the chat. Either way, we adapted and allowed the show to go on. None of this is to scare you by the way, it’s just to highlight the need to be adaptable when broadcasting or hosting an event in the online space. I feel like you have to be adaptable when doing ANY type of live event, but most especially in the online space.
5. Practice – After you’ve done all of your planning and prepping and testing, the only thing left to do is to execute. But before you do, I recommend that you practice – even if it’s just with yourself. The same way that actors in a stage show don’t just show up and “wing it” neither should you when preparing for your live event. Keep in mind that the live online environment can be intimidating given that it’s so different than what we’re used to. I find I get more performance anxiety going live than I ever did performing in person. Which brings me back to practice. Pro Tip – You don’t grow while you’re live, meaning that when you’re in that anxiety ridden-spotlight moment, you’re going to revert back to what’s comfortable. And the best way to to make sure that you deliver a stellar performance is to practice enough to make it comfortable.
I had a client who brought me in to DJ for a virtual Girls Empowerment Event who wanted to share a video during the run of show, but was concerned because she wasn’t very tech savvy. I had her hop on a practice call with me where I talked her through sharing her screen and playing the video and then had her practice doing it several times as though we were live. When it came time for her to share her video during the live event, everything went flawlessly and she breezed through the process with ease, all because she took the time ahead of time to practice. You may not have any issues sharing your screen, but if you’re performing in any way in a live event, it doesn’t hurt to run it through a few times first. They don’t say “Practice Makes Perfect” for nothing, ya know.
So that’s what I’ve got as far as tips, all stemming from my own awkward experiences and findings as we adjust to this new technology driven interaction. Apply even just a few and I guarantee your event will run smoother than it would if you hadn’t. “All that and $1.50 will get you a cup of coffee”, as my grandfather used to say.
No one knows what a post-covid society will look like or when it will actually get here, but something tells me that Virtual Events are here to stay. That said, I want to encourage you to embrace the technology. Don’t let the shut downs destroy your plans for a live event. Covid-19 has brought us together and shown us that SO MUCH is possible in the Online Event Space, with much less cost and logistics. Once you get a handle on what works for you, the possibilities are endless. So go forth and practice, and may the Online Event Success Odds be ever in your favor. Happy Eventing!
PS! – Have an upcoming virtual event that you’d like to integrate a DJ into? Maybe you need a second opinion on what’s possible within the online event space? If you’re looking for more information, I’d love to help. Drop me a line by clicking here and let’s chat!
0 notes
mysterygirl1111 · 2 years ago
Text
So I found myself re-reading chapter 1 from Snow White with the Red Hair (and procrastinating on all the other things I should be doing right now 🙈), and I thought I would share some of my thoughts about it! Warning, my rambling is not that consistent lol
Tumblr media
Now, the curtains draw, the text bubbles appear, and we are introduced to the main antagonist of this chapter, Prince Raj.
Tumblr media
I am aware that though Raj’s actions are very questionable in this chapter, he does eventually get his own little (big) redemption arc. And for the most part, I really enjoy reading that, because it shows how Sorata doesn’t like to keep her characters one-dimensional! Yet, I don’t know… I always feel like this Raj and the Raj we get to meet later are similar, but they aren’t the exact same character.
Does that make sense?
Cause like, yes, Raj is super spoiled and believes that his status guarantees him getting everything he wants (whether it be a thing or a person). That doesn’t really change until he learns later on. However, the more we read about Raj, the more different he acts? To be more precise, it’s his mannerisms. During this chapter, Raj is presented as this person that “grew up in brothels” and whatnot, but like, we don’t really get to see that later on. He’s awkward around Shirayuki, and just feels super nervous and jittery. I know he’s a coward, but other than the part where he tries to blackmail Shirayuki with the poisoned apples, we don’t really get to see this manipulative, what-I-want-I-get aspect of him. I would’ve really liked seeing more of it before his redemption arc.
Maybe that’s just me? I don’t know. Anyhow, moving on…
I got to say, Shirayuki has a lot more spunk then I remember her having xD Like, she’ll smile pleasantly at people and all but then would be having thoughts that aren’t that pleasant.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Everyone keeps underestimating her, but she’s not about that 😤
Every once in a while, her real thoughts slip by through her facial expressions, and those are honestly some of the BEST parts. Like good for you Shirayuki! Keep being such a girlboss XD
Tumblr media Tumblr media
And who can forget about this iconic scene 😭
Tumblr media
This scene and the scene where Zen eats the apple from Shirayuki’s hand are both really important and symbolic in relation to their relationship. By telling Shirayuki that red represents fate, and her having red hair means she had control over her own fate was just really cute but also uplifting as Zen was helping her view her hair, and self, from a more positive point of view. The apple scene kind of repeats the same point, but instead, Zen is the one that takes the leap to trust Shirayuki. To keep the joke going, even if Shirayuki was poisonous, Zen is somewhat resistant to poisons, so
Tumblr media
Also, Zen really fell heads over heels over Shirayuki by this point (something which Mitsuhide and Kiki noticed immediately). I know he mentions it later, but seeing it happen just makes me 🥰
Another side note, maybe this should’ve been our sign all along 🥲
Tumblr media
(if you know, you know…)
All in all, this was fun! I might do it for future chapters if I find the time to. In the meantime, here’s one of my favorite panels of the chapter :)
Tumblr media
31 notes · View notes
Text
Let the Stars Witness
Tumblr media
Okay okay holy— omg I did it! My first request and from an admired writer of mine no less!
From @kim-monsterlings : Hi and welcome!! Really looking forward to seeing your work! ~ If you would, could I request some form of friends to lovers with an orc? (Prompts maybe like, "you deserve better.") Thank you! <3
Since it wasn't specified on what their genders are, I hope your okay with what I went with! And I kinda trailed off from the prompt (or rather it's different but similar)
Anyways you'll know when you read!
Pairing: Male Orc (Duruk) x Human Fem!Reader
Word count: 2.2k
Warnings: None.
Tumblr media
"You know, I never thought I would be friends with anyone here, especially with someone other than my, well, species," you tell your companion, your eyes not leaving the cloudless night sky as you lied on your back on the roof of his house. The stars were out tonight.
If you told your younger self that you'd be having great escapades (if running away and getting into a series of trouble fall under that) with an orc, you would most definitely cry your eyes out because you thought were being teased, taking it as a hurtful comment. You were sensitive like that. Part of the reason why no one would even go near you, afraid they might hurt you with a pat on the shoulder or with one word alone. You became the prime target of bullies, finding twisted amusement at your pathetic reactions. A crybaby, they called you. But it wasn't your fault you didn't have much control over your emotions. You were weird, asocial, timid, maybe even depressed. Having a neglectful family didn't help either, it just worsened.
The morning you met Duruk was after the orientation. And it was not so good for a first impression.
Long story short, you cried.
But since you're perhaps curious as to what happened exactly, let's elaborate.
You had your headphones on, the melodic sound of gentle rain played in a 3-hour loop and blocked out other noises, your eyes glued to the path you were on. You took long and hurried steps, wishing you could teleport to your classroom and hide in the back, disappear or become invisible.
You were distracted, or should we say, focused on the ground and expecting everyone to step aside and let you through.
Well, except for the one who had his back on you.
You crashed—not an exaggeration— into something- someone massive. You stumbled back and landed on your bum, wincing from the impact. Luckily, your headphones were safe (ah yes, priorities), detaching from your ears and landing on your shoulders. When you looked up to see who it was, you thought your eyes were gonna fall off, grow little legs, and scamper away.
Before you stood an orc, halfway turned to glance at whoever it was that tried to push him, his sharp tusks jutting out from his maw. His brows were furrowed as he looked down on you. Sure, he wasn't as tall as the orcs you've seen around the city and campus but still was over 6 feet, with muscles thicker than your thighs, easily hulking you.
You tried to get out an apology and run as far as you could go, but you just sat there, frozen as you strained your neck to meet his gaze, you couldn't look away. Your heart was trying to claw its way out into the surface.
Then you felt the tears swell up.
They cascaded down your face before you even could stop them.
The orc's eyes widened at your reaction and crouched down to your level in an instant that he almost fell over. His hands hovered, not sure what to do.
"Hey, hey, please don't cry. Please don't—"
"I-I-I'm re..really s-sorry p-please don't hurt m-me..." You managed to choke out pathetically, hiccuping in every word.
"Shhh now hey, it's okay. It was an accident— what? No! Why would I do that?" he replied. The orc peeked over his shoulder and to the sides. "Let's get you to somewhere, uh, less crowded," he added. You turned your head and saw that you had an audience, whispers went around as they sent pitiful and disgusted glances in your direction, only making you cry even more.
He proceeded to unceremoniously lift you into his arms, bridal style, and dashed away. You gripped the front of his shirt and shut your eyes. You were trembling now, scared of what he might do to you. How could you even fight back with your small stature?
It wasn't long until you felt him slow down and placed you carefully on a bench. The orc knelt in front of you, brows scrunched up as he studied your face.
"You okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"
You didn't reply, only staring at him through your glassy eyes as you heaved.
You flinched when his hand started rubbing your back, his other hand placed on the side of the bench to balance himself.
He continued to caress your back and murmured soothing words in hopes of calming you down.
Your tears didn't stop falling until moments later when you came down from your initial fear, the warmth of his palm leaving your back once you did. All the while the orc remained where he was, at a loss of what to do next.
You rubbed your sticky face with the collar of your pale and blotchy crimson sweater, sniffing and taking slow, deep breaths before you spoke.
"I... I'm sorry for causing you trouble. E-Even going as far as to take me somewhere quiet. I...appreciate that." You thought you'd pass out with the way people gathered around you, it was suffocating. "Thank you..."
"I panicked," he started, "Sorry—I mean, it's okay, you didn't do anything wrong. I get that a lot of people run away from the sight of me, but you didn't, and just froze there on the ground so..." he shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck.
You shook your head. He was such an imposing figure to many, their first thought was most likely to get away or scream at him.
"You looked angry... When I bumped into you." You slammed into him actually, but he didn't budge an inch. Guess it was one-sided.
"Oh, that? Well, my brother scolds me a lot for having such a grumpy face, scaring humans away. Like he was the one to talk when he's taller and bigger than me! People would faint on the spot when they see him, I bet!"
The image your mind conjured up tore a laugh out of your body, two orcs arguing about how not to terrify people at sight was damn hilarious. When was the last time someone made you laugh like this?
The orc grinned, your reaction a contrast to that of earlier.
You opened your mouth to say something but the ringing of the great bell resounded, cutting you off. The two of you stood up as you realized you were late for your first class of the school year.
"So, uh, what now?" you asked.
"How about we go to our class, then maybe meet up later? Oh, fu— my mother will gut me— I haven't introduced myself!" He blurted out, his voice making you yelp with the sudden outburst.
Clearing his throat, he reached out, "I'm Duruk."
In turn, you gave him your name, taking his hand and smiled. "Hello, Duruk."
True to his word, you met again later when lunch came. The cafeteria was packed so you settled on getting the convenience food they offered and eat somewhere quiet.
Your conversation that day spiraled when you found out the two of you had a lot in common. From your favorite rock band to your favorite flavor of ice cream.
You both strongly agreed that vanilla ice cream was superior.
You agreed to meet up during breaks, always having something to chat about.
Eventually, you became inseparable.
He even changed and transferred to your class just so the two of you could be together at the start of the day rather than walk half of the campus to see each other every time.
You became best friends, sharing each moment in school, may it be helping the other stay awake in a boring class, or copying homework when one of you forgot to do it. Soon enough, Duruk started inviting you to his house to hang out. He did mention he had four other siblings, but he lived alone. You came by almost every night and on whole weekends to escape from home, only a few miles in between. No one would notice you gone anyways, but you returned around midnight, not wanting to impose on Duruk no matter what he says, so he walks you back instead.
You basked in each other's company. The odd and scrutinizing glares didn't go unnoticed when you two were together, but you shrugged them all off.
It didn't take long before you started having feelings for the orc, a little wishful thinking that you could be more than friends. You noted lately that his touches would linger seconds longer than usual, hugs and even a hand on your shoulder and back seem to be warmer and —you dare say— affectionate. It weighed heavily on your heart, your simple crush turned into something else, and it only grew with each passing day, and every laugh you shared.
But of course, you swatted those away, buried them deep inside every damn time they climb back up. Who could even love you? Yes, you have Duruk, he likes you, you think. But that's the end of it. Just close buddies. You can't take the risk of ruining your friendship with him and make things awkward with the only one you had! What if he stops talking to you, weirded out by your confession? You don't want to go back to being alone again, your heart can't take the rejection that came with it.
So you endured.
A little over five months ever since the embarrassing accident, here you are now, stargazing with your best friend.
"Well, good thing you didn't watch where you were going that time then," he says, chuckling beside you. His hands cushioned his head against the hard surface. "I wouldn't have..." he trails off.
"Hm, what?" you ask. Duruk went silent and didn't answer you for a time. You were about to let it slide but then he breathes in audibly.
"I wouldn't have met an angel if you did. Should've caught you in my arms, but sadly I didn't move fast enough." He replies, his voice deep and mellow.
You straighten up and turn to face him, your brows shot up, incredulous to what he just implied.
"W-Wait. What?" you squeak, your heart thumping hard in your chest, your skin warming up even in the chilled night air.
Is he—
"You're so cute, y'know that? Fuck it, it's all or nothing," he whispers under his breath as he sits up to face you. His expression was unreadable, but you see in his mahogany eyes a familiar glint of determination. "I'm not good with long-ass speeches so I'll make this short," he breathes in before he continues, "I feel something for you, for a while now, more than a best friend does, like...in a romantic sense. I want to cherish you and hold you in my arms every time I see you, I- ah fuck- damn it I just—" he growls, "I love you, so much and if you don't love me back then please re—"
You shut him off with your lips against his, Duruk's tusks pressing against your cheeks as you held his face in your hands. He was stunned for two solid seconds before returning the kiss, his arms snaking around your waist and pulling you close and into his lap.
You feel something wet roll down your hand and you immediately jerked back to see his face. The orc was crying.
Did you do it wrong? Were you so terrible at it—
"I don't deserve you... A monster like me doesn't deserve an angel like you."
Where was this coming from??
"Say that again, I dare you."
"I don't de—"
This idiot!
You pecked his lips to cut him off.
"You big dummy," you begin, "I love you too, idiot. You may be a monster but not what everyone else defines you as. I love you as you are. You're my best friend, and dare I say my l-lover now. Is that right...?"
Duruk gives you a small, gentle smile, "If you'll have me, then yes, for as long as you want me to be." He says, sniffling a sob as a couple more tears tumbled down his rugged face.
You never thought you'd see him like this. He was the one who kept making you laugh with his stories and terrible jokes. Before you, in your hands was someone vulnerable, his eyes soft and fond as he gazed into yours.
It made your heart pound and it hurt.
You leaned in and he met you halfway, kissing once again, deeper and more intimate this time. Real. You brought your arms around his neck, your tears spilling out and he tightened his grip around you. It felt like a dream, too good to be true, but the way he hugged you like you were the only thing that anchored him in this world made you believe it wasn't. All of this was real and you couldn't be anymore happier.
From above, the glittering stars, the light gentle as they shone, bear witness to two freed hearts, bottled up feelings gushing out like a broken dam as you embraced one another and lost yourselves in the moment of bliss, cheeks stained and clothes lightly damp from the tiny rivulets of liquid that dropped down.
It's a lovely night, isn't it?
374 notes · View notes
honeygingergemini · 4 years ago
Text
Do Your Worst
pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader
word count: 759
warnings: smut, fem receiving oral, reader says stop but doesn’t mean it, slight mentions of safe words
notes: I wrote this a while ago but I couldn’t bring myself to post it but here it is. I read for typos but I always find a couple after upload. feedback, bad or good, is always appreciated.
Tumblr media
Captain likes giving head. In fact, he loves giving head. But more importantly, he loves giving you head. Any time he has a chance to show you just how much he loves pleasuring your body, he takes it.
“Stop, stop, oh my god, cap ah-baby… please stop.” But he doesn’t. Your cries bounce all through the room but he pays them absolutely no mind. In fact, he takes them as encouragement because he knows you, you’ve talked.
The two of you have spent countless nights having deep conversation about your wants and needs and more importantly, safe words. Stop is not your safe word. So instead of indulging in your phony pleas to stop, he keeps going. He basks in your essence wanting to feel all of you. His tongue skillfully moves across your opening. He licks, slurps, and devours you never tiring. Your cries become louder and closer in delivery informing him that you’re close to your release. Your body begins to seize and pride fills him. It’s a high he’ll never get tired of feeling.
His tongue slows down drastically, but is never removed from you. His beefy muscle lingers at your glossy opening as you emit a sigh of relief. He looks at you, taking you in all while still deeply settled in your center, inhaling your excitement. Your chest puffs out labored breaths, your face paints the most alluring expression he’s ever seen in all of his days. Your body contours in a way that he swears you are unreal, swears that you’re a little piece of heaven that was sent down to earth, that you were made just for him.
He just can’t get enough of you.
He imparts his thoughts out loud, something he’s still learning to do, and is rewarded tenfold. Your hazy eyes flutter open and the sweetest smile he’s ever seen curls up on your face.
“I can tell.” You sit up on your elbows and command him softly. “C’mere”
Instead of answering verbally, he moves his head physically in your center denying your request. You sugary sweets moans make his denial worth it.
“Please baby, just for a sec...” she adds as a second thought “then you can go back to that.”
How could he say no? How can he say no when your words flow out like honey and cover his heart? How can he say no when your eyes are looking at him so deeply with desire but more importantly with love? He detaches himself from you and brings his face close to yours. He breathes in every exhale you release wanting to be filled with only you, breathing only because of you.
“You’re so beautiful.” Your eyes are a pool of emotion. You hypnotize the super soldier. “I love everything about you.”
His heart stutters. He’s unable to regulate it. Steve is very far removed from that little boy he once was. Many things have changed, physically as well as mentally, but parts of his former shell that he thought were long gone make appearances everyday and the only explanation is you. He’s more dominant now, rough around the edges, but still soft, still a bit awkward, a bit clumsy.
Words are not his friend and he doesn’t know how to fully put words to the love bubbling in his chest. He doesn’t know how to verbally express the trust, or the respect he has for you. He’s not like you, but he does his best. He does his best for you.
He leans in with the intention to kiss you but you stop his. You take his face and lick across his mouth and jaw. You lick your residual essence off of him. The vulgarity of your actions leaves him leaking, desperate. The noise Steve releases for such simple actions should be embarrassing but that’s far from what he feels. Love. Desire. Happiness. So damn happy.
He pulls you again attempting to give a rushed kiss but again you stop him. You control the kiss, you kiss him slow. Your mouth is so soft and wet and warm that Steve is convinced he’s dreaming. Your tongue slides past his making butterflies erupt in his belly. The familiar pull makes him jumpy. He needs to pleasure you now. As of you read his mind you detach yourself from him and lay back down staring up at him with a mischievous smile sending an effortless wink his way and say-
“Do your worst Captain.”
And he does. He re-introduces himself to you and does his absolute worst.
Tumblr media
Dividers by @firefly-graphics
happy new year to everyone wishing you all a fruitful year.
375 notes · View notes
mae-gi-writes · 4 years ago
Text
Awkwardly In Love | Mingi (ATEEZ)
Tumblr media
Volleyball player! Mingi can’t seem to take his eyes off the girl on the bleachers whose got her nose stuck in her book.
Genre: FLUFF AND CUTE AWKWARD MINGI SBGKJDGJ I CAN’T HE RUINS ME. 
Word count: you just gotta know that it iz quite a long ride. I apologize for that.
----
She's always got her nose buried in her book.
That's what catches Mingi's attention at first.
See, he's not one to read. Nor does he have any interest in reading and books and the things that come with it. Growing up in a household full of children involved in physical sport, books had counted for nothing but a minimal afterthought. That, and the fact that their financial struggles made it so that they didn't spend on books if it could be helped.
So seeing her always carrying around piles and piles of books has Mingi wonder how much extra cash does she have to spend on all this imaginary stories.
When he realizes that the reason she's always on the same spot on the bleachers is due to her cousin being in the same volleyball team as he is, he can't help but start asking questions.
"Yeah she's my mother's sister's daughter," Hongjoong says with a small affectionate smile, "we basically grew up in the same household so she waits for me after classes."
"You guys close then?" Mingi asks in a forced nonchalant tone. He keeps his eyes on the ball being served on the other side, palms already closed and upturned at the ready.
"Ready?" His teammate calls.
"Yeah!" They both holler.
He serves. The ball swoops in a beautiful arc and Mingi steels himself before receiving the ball with trained precision.
Pack!
"Closer than siblings," Hongjoong answers as the ball flies over the net, "why do you ask?"
Mingi is about to answer when he spots the ball. Hongjoong sweeps in, steering his legs to tap the ball high in the air.
Tap!
Mingi's head swivels up, catches the ball to throw it back at Hongjoong.
Pack!
"In!" The referree calls to signal that they've marked the final point to the game. The pair allow sighs to leave their lips as they slowly make their way out of the court.
"Uhm," Mingi's chest heaves up and down with effort. Sweat dots his forehead as he racks for an excuse, "just curious I guess."
"Want me to introduce you?"
"Uh-- I--That's not--necessary--"
It's too late though, for Hongjoong is already calling out her name, "Y/N!"
Her head lifts from where it's been buried in her book.
Her cousin motions for her to come forward and no sooner is she stepping down from the bleachers that Mingi's neck flushes bright red, and he knows deep down it's not from the fact that he's just exercised.
"Y/N, meet Mingi my teammate," Hongjoong's grin is definitely one that is suggestive, which does nothing for Mingi's confidence.
"Hi," she sends him a warm smile, extending a hand. Mingi shakes it and can't help but notice how tiny her fingers are in comparison.
Delicate fingers, so breakable. Cute.
"H-Hi, I'm Mingi," Oh god, he hopes he doesn't sound like an idiot.
"Mingi's always been on the team. He's the ace after all," adds Hongjoong.
"Ah, that's cool," Y/N nods.
That's how it starts really. At every practice, Mingi makes it a must to talk to her, even if it's juet a tiny greeting, or a slight wave of his shy hand whenever he's already on the court when she stumbles in with her pile of books tucked under her arm. There's just something about her, something that pulls him in like an invisible string even though he can barely make his way through one sentence when he's gazing straight into her eyes.
Once, he musters up the courage to ask her about the book in her lap and the amount of joy flushing up her cheeks makes it so palpable that he feels giddy from her own excitement.
"I'm currently reading Peony in Love," holding up the book so he can see, she continues, "it's a historical novel about this Chinese girl that falls in love with someone who isn't her betrothed, then dies only to realize that this someone is actually her betrothed."
"That's actually really heartbreaking."
"Yeah well, so are most romance stories," she shrugs, "like the titanic."
"I've never actually watched it."
"What?! You're kidding me?"
He shakes his head, ducking his head in embarrassment as he wonders whether she thinks of him as a loser because of his apparent lack of intellectual knowledge.
But instead, he is faced with her enthusiasm, "we should watch it someday! It's like a classic, you'll love it if you like dramatic endings."
"You--" he feels his chest tighten in excitement, "you're serious?"
"Of course I am! I'll let Hongjoong know."
His heart does drop a little at Y/N's cousin's name. He'd hoped that they'd be alone, just the two of them.
Nevertheless, he makes his way over to Hongjoong's flat on the said night and is surprised to find not just the pair of cousins But an entire group of familiar individuals that he's seen hanging around the corridors and classrooms.
"Hey you came!" Hongjoong claps Mingi's back as he steps into the doorway, "I invited some of my close friends too. You probably know them."
As Mingi greets the rest of the group whe exchanging soft pleasantries, he finally catches sight of Y/N's figure darting between tall frames before she emerges, grinning, "hi, Mingi right?"
He can't help but blush right down to his toes, "h-hey, what's up?"
"Sorry for all the noise. The guys just wanted to crash here. Told them we were watching titanic and they promised they wouldn't make running commentaries."
"It's alright. I know them all a little. We're in the same class."
"Ah cool. You guys all in the same major then?"
Mingi scratches the back of his head, "nah I'm in Psych. But since they're all in the sciences like Hongjoong we do have same classes."
"Cool. I wish I could've taken Psych," she puffs up her cheeks into a pout and Mingi's fingers itch to pinch her cheeks.
She can't be that cute. She just can't be.
"So are we starting the movie or what?!" One of the guys --his name is Yunho, Mingi guesses -- calls out.
"The way you're talking Yunho, it's almost like you're the one who really wants to watch it," Hongjoong replies sassily while throwing both arms around Y/N and Mingi respectively before guiding them to the tv room. He dips his head towards Mingi's ear as the group settles in, "don't worry bro, I'll make sure you sit next to her."
Blushing furiously at the older boy's comment, the latter doesn't even have time to defend himself when he is being pushed onto the couch right next to Y/N's figure.
"You a big tears kind of guy?" The girl murmured, popcorn in lap. She extends it out to Mingi, who shyly grabs a handful.
"I guess it depends," Mingi murmurs, "are there animals in there?"
"Oh so you're that kind of guy."
He flushes. What kind of guy is she referring to?
The movie starts with the narration of an old lady gazing at a sapphire necklace, bedore the screen gives way to a shot of the ship itself in all its splendour, glistening a bold black and white in the midday sun.
Mingi knows he should be concentrating on the movie. And it's true, he really should, especially when Y/N had asked him to because it is clearly a classic he can't possibly miss out on. But alas, his eyes keep dashing back and forth between the screen and Y/N's face, stealing looks whenever she is not looking. It's almost like a magnetic pull tugging his gaze back to her no matter how hard he forces his eyes away; flitting over her eyes focused in attention, eyebrows furrowed at the middle with her mouth hanging open like a child amazed with naked wonder.
What can she possibly be thinking? What is going on inside that imaginative mind of hers?
What magical dimension is she traveling to without his knowledge?
It's only when the romance between the two protagonists start blossoming that he finally tears his eyes away to focus on the movie itself, all the while sensing Y/N's heat permeating from her body to his in a way that causes a permanent flush in the back of his neck.
The movie ends all too soon, with tears in Y/N's eyes and some of the other guys as they debate over the ending and how stupid Rose was for not giving Jack some space on the wooden board.
"Well to be fair, he would've probably sunk the entire board," Seonghwa argues. He's the pretty boy that everyone knows of, the one whom every girl has been crushing on since his admittance to their college.
"If I were Rose, I wouldn't want to keep living without the love of my life," Y/N points out, "I would've drowned myself with him."
"Jesus Y/N, that's terrifying," Hongjoong says.
"It's true though!"
The look in her eyes whenever she spoke of movies was a look of naked excitement. Like now, Mingi spots the familiar fire burning through her gaze, a gaze he finds alluring on her. It's like it breathes life into her face. It's similar to the one she wears whenever she's reading.
A few days later on campus, he bumps into her hurrying out of the library as he walks in, almost sending her flying before his arm snatches out to hold her shoulder.
"Sorry," he says hastily while putting her back on her feet and releasing her like she's just burnt him.
"S'okay," Y/N sends him a reassuring smile, "where you going?"
"Assignments. I'm late on my research paper because of practice," Mingi scratches his head. He nods towards her books, "what caught your interest this week?"
"Oh I'm just re-reading A Darker Shade of Magic," she grins like a little child being caught. Something in Mingi's heart softens like butter.
"What's it about?"
"It's so cool, it's like this guy with a super cool coat that has hundreds over coats inside it. And he's a magician and there are parallel worlds that have different wavelengths of magic. So he can travel through the different worlds and--" she stops abruptly then before her cheeks colour in shades of pink, "sorry. I'm rambling again--"
"No no no," Mingi cuts her off, causing her to blink, wide-eyed, "please...continue. I--I like it when you talk about your books. You--You always seem so alive and excited."
"Oh," her face flushes even more as another troop of butterflies tickle Mingi's stomach. She's so damn cute! "Thanks...Mingi."
He tries to analyze the flickering expressions on her face, though he guesses it is close to feeling embarrassed.
"A--Anyway I--I'll get going," Mingi hurriedly says, moving past her with flaming red ears upon realizing what he has just said, only to feel her hand clamp down on his.
He turns to see her, averted gaze and all, little fingers clamped onto his shirt, "do you--do you want to...go see a movie sometime?"
----------
Hongjoong had threatened Mingi with a multitude of ways of killing him in case he broke Y/N's heart, albeit the fact that the taller man stated that no, they weren't going on a date,.and anyway flirting had never been Mingi's strongest points anyway.
"Sure. If it's not a date, what is it then?" Hongjoong had asked with a roll of his eyes.
"It's just two people hanging out," Mingi had protested through red ears and scarlet tinged cheeks.
As per the said man's suggestion, the pair decides to meet up at the cinema entrance to choose the movie of their choice. Y/N is decked in a simple white t-shirt, loose cut-off jeans with red sneakers, and as Mingi silently admires her sense of simple fashion the heat that rises through the back of his neck is enough to make him avert his gaze bashfully.
They settle on a romantic comedy and he volunteers to buy the popcorn so that she can find some decent seats. As he settles into the cinema room and the lights dim into darkness, he places the popcorn box into her hands, waving her off upon her rising protests.
"But you--"
"I'll share it with you, don't-- don't worry," he replies, hand scratching the back of his neck.
Don't sweat it, he says to himself. It's fine. It's not a date. It's just two friends enjoying each other's presence.
Halfway through the movie, Mingi reaches for the popcorn only for their hands to collide. He retracts it like he just burnt himself, causing the said girl to chuckle softly. She reaches over then, with a handful of popcorn, before plopping it straight into his mouth without warning.
Mingi blinks. Heat goes straight to his ears.
When his eyes find hers, she only graces him with a timid smile, before returning back to the movie, totally unaware that his heart is now practically galloping out of his chest.
Jesus, what she does to his heart.
Mingi has never been so whipped in his life, but right now, he's pretty certain that he doesn't mind if that means she can accept his heart.
"Well that was fun," Y/N says the moment they step out of the cinema hall, "wasn't expecting it to be so lovey dovey though."
His head ducks, "I'm sorry," he mutters, "I didn't know you weren't into--"
"Oh no no! Not at all! We both chose it. You have nothing to feel bad about!"
"I'm not that into movies," comes his mumble.
"What?" Y/N stops in the middle of the road as she blinks up at him in shock, "you should've told me!"
"I wasn't interested in seeing the movie, I just wanted to see--" he hesitates slightly, "you."
What the fuck Mingi, he feels like choking himself foe his stupidity. Why was he acting like a total turd? This was ridiculous! She's just a girl, a cute one sure, but still! It's almost like he's lost all ability to make conversation.
He tries once more, "I'm--I'm sorry I shouldn't have--“
“No, I“m the one who's sorry. Here, let me treat you. Ice cream?” and then, her eyes widen, "you do like ice cream right?"
That'a enough for his lips to tilt up into a smile, "I'd love ice cream."
---
Once they settle on a bench at the nearby park, it seems like all nervousness suddenly ease from Mingi's consciousness and slowly, he starts opening up to the said girl as they lick at their ice cream cones. The sun sets over the horizon, turning the blue sky in scarlet hues that reminds him of summer days that last forever.
"Architecture's tough but honestly, that was the only thing my parents would let me study," Y/N says, empty ice-cream stick in hand as her gaze sweeps over the park and its passerbys.
"I guess it makes sense, considering our economy recently," Mingi agrees.
"And you? Why Psych?"
He lifts his shoulder in a half-hearted shrug, "I guess I just like analyzing people. It's intriguing, knowing how people think, how they act around others."
"You want to be a therapist?"
"I don't know if I'm strong enough to help people get out of their problems when I can't even help myself."
He feels her eyes on him and finds interest in the way the wind blows across the grass blades.
Her voice is soft when she says, "you don't have to be that kind of hero, if you don't want to."
His heart swells with warmth and sudden affection, though he says nothing but nods in agreement.
It's easily past ten when they trudge back to Y/N's house, with nervousness swimming through Mingi's stomach in apprehension to Hongjoong's earlier threats, though Y/N reassures him that Hongjoong is mostly all talk and no action. That reassures the tall man slightly, until his feet start bristling upon spotting her front porch.
"Thanks for keeping me company today," Y/N tilts her head up, her profile bathed in the backlight of her house, "next time, let's not go to the movies."
Mingi's heart skips, "I didn't mind it."
"I know, but I want to do things that you like too," she grins.
A surge of courage rises through his chest as he tells her that he'd like that a lot too.
Except the thing that falls out of his mouth instead is, "I like you too."
She blinks.
He blinks back, realization settling in like a dull ache in his stomach.
Horror sweeps through him. Oh no.
It hadn't been in his plan to expose himself like this, exposing himself like a dog who wants a tummy rub, but then again there's no sign of rejection that flickers across Y/N's face, which he takes as a good sign as he fumbles for the right words, "uhm, I-- I mean, I didn't mean--"
"You didn't mean that?"
"What?" His eyes widen, "no no! Of course I mean it, I just--"
He gasps at his own words, cupping a hand over his mouth as the girl before him explodes into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.
"Oh my gosh," her eyes crinkle up into those adorable crescents of hers, "you're so cute."
Scarlet pink blossoms across his cheeks. Averting his eyes, he wishes that the floor can just come and swallow him up right there and then.
"Right," clearing his throat, one hand reaches up to scratch his ear, "well, I-I'll just go--"
He's halfway turning around when Y/N's hand trickles through his, as gentle as water flowing through his fingertips.
"Wait," she murmurs.
His breath stalls. Inhaling a soft breath, he slowly shuffles back, not daring to meet her gaze when he feels like he's just put his heart on the table for her to do with as she pleases.
Her voice is a gentle breath of a whisper, "don't go."
And then, she's up on her tippy toes and pressing a light kiss to his cheek. Mingi's skin practically lights on fire as another round of butterflies erupt in his chest at her touch, and he can't help but stare down at her, jaw slack, as she gives him the shyest smile he's ever seen.
Cute! His mind screams. Cute cute cute!
"So," Mingi's mind comes back into focus upon hearing her voice, eyes finding her biting down onto her lower lip, “Well, uh--I guess--I guess this means I--I like you, or something.”
"uhm,” his ears are so hot with heat he feels they might fall off as he forces himself not to gawk at her, though it’s proving to be quite difficult as he’s trying to muster the courage to come out with a reasonable answer. 
“I--well, uh--how does this--I don't know--do you want to...uh possibly,” he swallows thickly, before exhaling the words in a rush,”...goouttodinnerwithme?"
Y/N blinks in confusion, "I'm sorry?"
Come on, Mingi! He thinks to himself in growing desperation. Don't be such a wimp!
"Do you... want to...go out with me? S--Sometime?" His throat is clogged with so much embarrassment he fear he might choke.
But when he feels soft fingers trace his chin, he looks up, right into her dark brown eyes sparkling with a tinge of playfulness, excitement and naked joy brimming at the corners.
"I'd love that," she whispers.
And she lifts herself up once more to land a kiss on his mouth, softly, shyly, a mere brushing her mouth against his.
Mingi stumbles upon impact, hands unconsciously grasping her waist as his back comes in contact with the railing lining her porch.
His eyes are wide when she pulls away, biting her lower lip like she can't help but feel nervous from this bold action that has taken him by surprise.
"What--" Mingi chokes on his words, lapses into silence while staring down at her.
The girl merely glances down. A blush taints her cheeks and even though his fingers are shaking and he feels like his heart is about to jump out of his chest at the mere prospect of their closeness, his body moves before his brain does.
Closing the gap between them, it's his turn to press a kiss now, a chaste one that tells her that he reciprocates these feelings wholeheartedly. And Y/N responds by wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him closer so that their chests touch, mouths moving slowly in harmony as they chase each other and mold together in a way that leaves Mingi breathless and his heart stuttering like he's just won a race.
If it is, then it's the most importance race of his life.
It is only when they pull apart, breathing into each other with barely millimetres separating their mouths, that he can't help but laugh at the realization that this girl in his arms is his.
"What?" She says while smiling up at him. So gorgeous, so breathtaking. And she's his.
"Nothing," he can sense the heat flooding his cheeks once more, "I just-- I'm just...happy."
And there it is, that same smile that he loves so much. The smile that holds magical words and countless secrets to the amazing mind she beholds. He can't want to delve into her thoughts and pick at her brain, knowing that all of them are going to be precious memories he'll hold dear to his heart.
That smile.
Hongjoong's voice suddenly erupts out of nowhere like a nightmare, "don't think I didn't see you guys kissing out there!"
---
I’m so whipped for Mingi and he’s like 2 years younger so I feel like such an old noona *sighs*. 
Anyway, let me know if you’d like more Ateez content! <3 Stay safe guys, and thanks for reading! 
330 notes · View notes
suganovakawa · 5 years ago
Text
two anons asked for more introverted and shy! reader .
Omg the headcanon w suga was so good TT I wanted to ask if you could do the same one with kags;-; 💞 like the introverted shy one
Oh my goooddddd the Suga one was so cuteeeee! Can I request the same one w kuroo? ;-; if not it’s totally fine!
and you know what ? i love this headcanon so much so i’m gonna do more of this . i hope you don’t mind i put both in one , it’s easier to post !
Tumblr media
𝐒𝐇𝐘 , 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄 !
karasuno and nekoma boys protect you because of your shyness !
— check out my masterlist !!
you being a shy introvert has never affected these boys’ feelings for you . if anything , they feel more obligated to keep you safe and protected ! these guys will do everything to make sure you’re supported and loved .
a / n : ehehehehe as a somewhat shy person myself i needed this
holy moly this came out so much longer than i originally planned , especially tobio’s — enjoy 😭
anyways ! if you want to be part of my general taglist - just ask ! and be specific if you want to be updated for certain things ( just headcanons , just scenarios , etc ) 🥺
Tumblr media
tobio kageyama
both of you are extremely shy but somehow you make your relationship work perfectly
well , tobio isn't shy , per se - he's just extremely awkward
shoyo was literally the one who had to do most of the communication between you and him before you two became a thing
kags became brave enough to ask you out himself after countless weeks of psyching himself up for it
he was beyond thankful when you said yes , his confidence was boosted now that he conquered his fear of confessing to you
kageyama is very understanding of your shyness - he won't ever make you do anything you're uncomfortable with , and will always make sure you feel safe when you two are out together
as more of an introvert himself , he prefers to spend time with you in private , so it's a win-win situation for the two of you in that case
you love to cuddle with tobio when it's just you two - he's become accustomed to you just climbing on top of him whenever and just making yourself at home
hinata was the one who encouraged you to meet the rest of the volleyball team - kags hit him on the head when he mentioned it
" BOKE ! THEY'RE SHY ! BE CONSIDERATE OF THEIR FEELINGS ! "
" no , it's okay tobio !! i'd love to meet your team ! "
he said o-o ??
" really , y/n ? you'll come to practice to meet everyone ? "
" y-yeah ! i'm sure it's not too bad . and maybe i could watch you practice too , if that's allowed ? "
" OMG KAGEYAMA PLEASE LET Y/N WATCH US PRACTICE IT WOULD BE SO COOL TO HAVE THEM THERE WE SHOULD TOTALLY - "
" SHUT UP DUMBASS IT'S THEIR CHOICE IF THEY WANNA WATCH "
yes you wanted to watch , but working your way up to meet them was a terrifying experience
what if they didn't like you ?
you mentioned your fear to tobio after school , who shook his head with a smile
" they're going to love you , y/n . you'd be surprised with how accepting they are . hinata and i told you about our first day , right ? "
" yes , yes you did "
WOAH A BUZZ CUT GUY OPENED THE DOOR
you jumped behind kageyama as the bald guy started yelling at him about who knows what , you were too spooked to listen
shoyo was already at the gym , and noticed you hiding behind your boyfriend
" guys , guys ! that's kageyama's s.o. ! the one hiding behind him ! "
did hinata forget you're shy or something like wtf dude
you peeked out from behind kags , going pale as a whole sea of tall men stared right back at you
" everyone , this is y/n . y/n , this is my volleyball team . " taking you by the hand , tobio kept you close to him as he pulled you to his side
everyone collectively said hi , quietly to not overwhelm you
" damn kageyama , already cuffed as a first year , huh ? " this short dude with a blond tuft in front of his forehead patted him on the shoulder , and you watched as tobio struggled to reply , his cheeks going pink in embarrassment
you stayed away from the third years , as they had this powerful presence around them that intimidated you - especially that guy in the man bun , he's terrifying
you kept your distance from tsukishima , too - he's tall , sassy , and very scary
thankfully kiyoko was soft spoken enough to make you feel comfortable with being left with her - WTF WHO IS THAT INCOMING GROWN MAN HIDE
wait it's just the coach - NEVERMIND FALSE ALARM
you had never seen kageyama play volleyball until now - you heard about his middle school reputation , but he felt self conscious about it . so , you hardly ever brought it up in conversation
watching him in action was like falling for him all over again
the way he handled the ball so easily ; he could probably set in his sleep if he wanted to
and that quick attack - like damn , shoyo and tobio really are the dream team
after practice , WOOO BOY you were all over your him
practically gawking over everything you saw during practice - like DAMN , that setter is your boyfriend
you begged him to let you watch karasuno practice again , you'd end up warming up to the others eventually - you had him and hinata for support
he felt shy with how excited you were to watch him practice , but agreed to let you come to practice with him from now on
" tobio , you're so cool !! i wanna learn how to do the amazing things you do "
" cutie . i'd love to teach you sometime , y/n .
tetsurou kuroo
needless to say , tetsurou is anything but shy
how you managed to snag a catch like kuroo is beyond you
he likes - no , loves - your soft atmosphere , the peace that your presence brings him
he was literally a magnet to you in his quest of wooing you
the moment you even appeared in the same room for a second he’d end up right there with you
even if he was clingy in a sense , he respected your shyness and your boundaries , and would step away if he felt like you were uncomfortable with him
yes we stan gentleman kuroo anyway
eventually his charismatic tendencies and alluring charms got to you and you began to enjoy his company more and more
yes , you agreed to becoming his s.o. , only if he understood that you would be sometimes too shy to go out places with him
he didn’t care , he didn’t care if all you two did was stay at home — this boy was over the moon that you were now officially his
the first thing he did was brag to his team lmao
did i mention that nekoma was betting on him being able to get you ?
kenma and lev owed yamamoto yen for being kuroo’s only supporter BFHSJNFNF
yaku took it a step further and told tetsu to bring you here — to which he internally panicked
he wasn’t planning on introducing you to the others so early , you two were still trying to get in the groove of being in a relationship
but after being pestered by literally everyone else on the team , he finally gave in and agreed to ask you the next time he saw you
he sugar coated it to the max when he saw you the next day
“ y/n , my absolute darling , i know you said you’re a shy little cutie and all , but — ”
“ tetsu , please just tell me what you need from me . ”
LMAOOOO you can read the third year like a book ; he shut up immediately when you shot an eyebrow upwards
“ i wasn’t planning to introduce you this early but , the guys from my volleyball team want to meet you . today , after school , preferably . ”
y/n.exe has stopped working
“ baby , baby ! you don’t have to , i swear ! i’m not gonna push you to do anything you don’t want , they just want to meet you in person once , is all . you never have to go again if you decide to go only one time , i promise . ”
hhhhhhhhh why is tetsurou like this
“ fine , i’ll go today . i have nothing to do after school anyway . but after that , no more . i can only take so much , you know that . ”
he punched his fists in the air before snatching a kiss to your temple
“ thank you , baby ! you won’t regret meeting them , i promise . ”
it took a lot of psyching yourself up to actually go through with this
but kuroo looked so happy when you agreed , you didn’t wanna let him down :(
so you two met up after school — he was already with kenma
you already met kenma in the past , so seeing him didn’t bother you ; he was an introvert too so he understood how you felt
“ hi , y/n . i’m surprised you can keep up with kuroo the way you do . ”
“ it’s strenuous sometimes , but worth it . ”
aww look at you two bonding — even if it was at kuroo’s expense , he looked like he was about to explode in tears of joy
that moment of peace left the moment the gym doors bashed open — WHO THE FGIDKFK WAS STANDING AT THE DOOR
BIG SCARY DUDE WITH WHITE HAIR
“ KENMA KENMA KENMA KENMA CAN YOU PLEAAAAAAASE SET ME SOME BALLS ”
“ not now , lev . ”
oh my god he saw you
no turning back now
the so-called lev widened his eyes , his jaw dropped for a few seconds before running back into the gym
“ GUYS , GUYS ! HE DID IT ! HE BROUGHT Y/N ! ITS HAPPENING ! ”
kuroo appeared like a deer in headlights as you looked at him dumbfoundedly
“ tetsurou . what , and i mean what , is going on ? ”
you watched as someone much much smaller than him — you recognized yaku , he was your classmate — literally kick lev across the back , causing him to fall over
“ they’re a rowdy bunch , y/n . but they won’t lay a hand on you , i assure you . they’ve got much more bark than bite . if they even do have a bite . ”
kenma answered you before kuroo could ; he was blubbering away with incoherent excuses answers you couldn’t even understand
a dude with a mohawk came up to inspect you , and you screamed
tetsurou slapped him away , before wrapping his arms around you protectively
“ don’t go near y/n ! they’re very shy , so please be careful ! ”
this is so embarrassing you might just die
kenma and yaku made sure everyone else yamamoto and lev gave you personal space
once they were all settled down , you actually thought they were a nice bunch — it also helped to know that lev was a first year , it made him appear much less scary
kuroo insisted that you stay for practice , and after some pestering from him and the rest of the team , you agreed
watching them practice was not what you expected
where was tetsurou kuroo and what did they do to him
you didn’t even recognize your boyfriend as he took his rightful role as captain on the court , helping the others and giving pointers wherever needed
the others fell in place , too — watching everyone practice was totally different to how they acted before
you were actually mesmerized , watching them — you didn’t even realize practice was over until kuroo walked over to you and told you that it was over
“ i-it’s over already ? ”
“ yeah , baby . it’s done . did you enjoy it ? ”
“ yeah . . . yeah , i did . i enjoyed it a lot , actually ! ”
“ well , if you’re up for it , the manager spot is very much open . but you don’t have to take it , i know you said this would be the only time you’d come with me . ”
oh no no no you were not gonna miss a chance to be mesmerized like that again
“ y’know what , tetsu ? i want to be the manager . sign me up . ”
cue a screaming yamamoto and long legs lev jumping for joy as tetsurou grinned like crazy at your response
698 notes · View notes
Text
Hey, more detailed review of Centaurworld Season 2 under the cut, including spoilers
So just for some background, I was possibly the perfect person at the perfect time for season 1 of Centaurworld.  Just a few months ago I had gone through a very bad breakup and was still mostly broken and moved back in with my family as I aimlessly flipped through Netflix and landed on Centaurworld,  and thought “Eh, this’ll be a thing.”
And then immediately, right from episode 1, Centaurworld became the most important piece of media in my life.  I had never had a favorite TV show before (until recently I haven’t really had any favorite anythings) but Centaurworld immediately became #1.  I saw the relationship between Rider and Horse and I envied their devotion.  I felt like all my life I’d been searching for someone who would show me the same devotion I showed them, and even when I thought I’d found that person I was proven wrong.
So to me, season 1 was beautiful, inspiring, and just about perfect.  In the two days after I first discovered it, I watched the whole thing twice.  The Taurnado song was the most masterful musical piece in any show of its kind, the music rivaled Broadway at times, I would sing Rider’s Lullabye to calm myself down when I could feel my heart breaking.  Season 1 felt like it had a perfect vision of what the writers wanted to do.
Season 2 did not do that.  There are a number of reasons for this, the most forgivable being that maybe making a show like this two seasons just changed the structure and the way I received it into an awkward situation?  Like in season 1, when they’d reprise a song it was a beautiful operatic callback, but in a second season when you’d reprise, despite the fact it thematically calls for it, it just feels like “Oh... we don’t have any new ideas?”
Now for my actual criticisms.  
Tone.  Season 2 was... weird.  Wack.  And I get that the world of Centaurworld is supposed to be kind of weird compared to Horse’s anime war world, but there was always balance in season 1.  Very little in season 1 was outright nonsense, but that’s almost entirely what we see in season 2.  Malangela and the entire Horsetaur kingdom?  Nuts.  The Birdtaurs’ stillborn texting baby birds?  What the fuck?  In episode 5 they start playing a game with scrunchies, but 90% of the words they say are literal gibberish which had never been used in season 1.  Whenever they came up with something weird before they gave it an actual name like gigglecakes, or the tinkle tinkle bye bye zone, and you could actually decipher what they were talking about.  I still don’t know what a sfuh or whatever is, and you know what, I don’t think the writers do either.  On the subject of language, they randomly introduced expletives to this kids show?  Suddenly everyone is saying “flonking” or “what the flonk.”  Which is A, also gibberish, and B, detracting from opportunities for better writing.  I don’t normally criticize shows for cursing if it belongs there (I was once in a play called What We’re Up Against, it was awful, felt like the writer had challenged herself to see if she could write “fuck” more than any other words combined) but it does not belong in Centaurworld.  Same goes for their new catchphrase, “nuts to this,” which was constantly used in places where literally anything, even silence, would have been funnier.
Meta.  Why is there meta in this show?  Nothing about the tone of season 1 led me to think Centaurworld warranted a whole episode about fandom wherein the writers seem to portray their own audience as clueless idiots for some reason.  The BIrdtaurs literally lift us out of our engagement in the show and say “No, we’re gonna talk about this now, fuck your suspension of disbelief and fuck your immersion in our world.”  Also sort of in the meta category, they gave Horse the literal magic power to jump into people’s backstories (and mostly forgot about her magic tail, like do we just not care about that anymore?) rather than find some narratively appropriate way to reveal that information.  On the one hand, maybe that is narratively appropriate for the setting, but on the other hand it doesn’t really match any of the rest of Centaurworld’s brand of magic?  Joking tails, handsome for 8 seconds, shapely mane, talking farts, shooting tiny versions of ourselves from our hooves... oh also, I can look into your past and know everything about your life.
Music.  Season 1 was full of iconic songs, beautiful melodies, and outright masterpieces.  Rider’s Lullabye, Welcome to Centaurworld, Hello Rainbow Road, Fragile Things, Taurnado, What If I Forget Your Face, The Nowhere King, Who Is She, I’ve Been Searching For You.  I still listen to all of these, they’re in my regular Spotify rotation, because they’re all recognizable and really good songs.  Even the goofier songs in season 1 like Making Friendships and Spells for Days were very well written.  But in season 2, they set the tone right away with the Recruitment Song and right into the Power of Privilege, and on like that for most of the show, which is that a lot of these songs are just like listening to run-on sentences.  Just a lot of a haphazardly structured mess of music.  If I had to pick a favorite song, I’d say Breathe In a Bag (obviously I’m very biased towards Glendale content) but that’s mostly because it’s the only song I remember anything about.  In season 1, songs were in-canon events, it was part of their weird charm that in this world people sing songs to make points sometimes.  But in season 2, people- including regular humans- would just slip in and out of singing almost at random.  I’m looking at the list of songs in the finale, and like there’s six parts of the Elk-Taur suite, probably because he’d just randomly sing like two sentences in between vingettes.  I don’t remember any of them.
Plot.  I will say, I enjoyed most of what happened in Horse and Rider’s world, and I think maybe more of the show should have been devoted to that, but in summary:  Only episodes 5 and 8 needed to exist.  Everything else is just killing time until the finale.  Let me explain.
So in season 2, most of what Horse is doing in Centaurworld is trying to recruit centaurs to fight, but they’re mostly refusing because fighting is scary, nevermind the fact that the war has been in Centaurworld before, like during their lifetimes, so presumably this isn’t new to them?  So recruiting people takes the place of collecting the key pieces, except that the key actually did something at the end of season 1.  Even once they’ve gathered an army, there’s no real reason to have it, most of the finale has the minotaur army frozen in place, and by the time they can move again the human army has arrived, so narratively it would have been just as easy to say that the human army was all they needed, even if it would have been a losing battle because the only people who really need to be defeated are the Nowhere King and the General, so a certain dramatic element could have been introduced when the General stabs Rider thus firmly marking him as the enemy, and then the Woman just has to show up and stab the General and the Nowhere King dies.
So the Trashtaurs were pointless, they don’t do anything.  The whole point of the Birdtaurs was that there weren’t any flying minotaurs so they’d be an advantage, but oh, no wait, look, flying minotaurs, so fuck that I guess.  The moletaurs can burrow between worlds apparently?  In which case, why haven’t they always been doing that?  In fact, why did they ever even need the portals or the keys?  If underground centaurs can cross worlds and get people across no problem, then there’s no reason for any of the events in episode 8, and by extension the whole show, to happen.
Even the stuff in the human world was pointless.  Waterbaby and Rider find out that the Nowhere King is fusing animals with his minotaurs to mutate them.  This knowledge changes nothing.  They don’t manage to steal the key and stop him from doing so, and having this knowledge neither grants them an advantage nor breeds fear in them.  It was just a cool thing the writers wanted to show us, mostly because they couldn’t think of any actual way to advance the plot or develop any characters.
It felt weird also that the General trapped the Nowhere King in a dungeon for 10 years... and that was separate from the Nowhere King also being trapped in the In Between for several decades?  Like those two events maybe could have just been narratively merged into one?  There was probably some way to instead have the General deliberately trap the Nowhere King in the In Between, so when the Woman shows up at the end of season 1 and he says “She’s come to set me free” it would have had the extra meaning of him mistakenly thinking “She’s chosen me over him.”
And then... Rider’s moment of weakness.  “You’re just a horse.”  This might have more to do with my personal bias about how I specifically reacted to the show.  I don’t blame the writers for saying that’s how she’d react in that situation, obviously this man she’s devoted her whole life to she would trust more than this random out-of-nowhere information that her horse somehow magically got from going inside the Nowhere King.  I do blame the writers for putting her in that situation in the first place.  I felt like the whole point of the show was Horse and Rider’s absolute devotion to each other, that nothing in any world could come between them, and then it became just so easy to betray each other.  My heart broke, not because I was immersed in the show but because I personally had been let down again.
And then they have this big traumatic death scene with Rider, except not really.  Like they did some fucked up shit that they definitely shouldn’t have done, then they realized they shouldn’t have done it but rather than take it out of the show, they just went “Um.... aaaaand she’s not actually dead!”  (also they introduced a whole conflict with the Becky Apples jealousy plotline, and Wammawink’s inferiority issues, neither of which actually got resolved?)
Oh, and the Nowhere King’s backstory turned out to be the plot of Soma?  Did you guys every play Soma?  It was this whole game about how you can upload your brain into a robot or to a computer to live forever, and that robot thinks it’s you, but you’re also still you in your body that’s doomed to die.  I had a great many theories about what happened, but Soma was nowhere on my list, and it kinda feels like a weird concept to have as the focus of this show.  I thought maybe the Nowhere King and the Woman were like Horse and Rider, except their dedication wasn’t as strong and the Woman left him, or he thought she left him, and in his anger and bitterness he started down the path to being the Nowhere King, maybe uncovering some more vile side of Centaurworld, but nope.  He just Shou Tuckered some guys cuz he was lonely.
All this to say, season 2 felt rushed, and it felt like a whole new team wrote it.  No part of it ever captured the magic that made season 1 special, and it kind of just seemed like they should have made a single 14-or-15-episode season.  I am very sad to say all this, but still, the writers should absolutely be proud of season 1.  Especially Taurnado, I cannot stress enough how awesome that song is.  Season 1 will still always be my favorite thing in the world.  And Glendale will always be my little klepto babychild.
6 notes · View notes
speakagaintheancientoaths · 4 years ago
Text
Nuts and Dolts Week Day 5: AU
 As they finished off the last of the Grimm Pyrrha gave a quick remark.
 “Can you imagine if we’d had to fight in the festival without knowing each other, that could have been dreadful.”
 Penny did not need to imagine.
@nuts-and-dolts-week
This is a little late, I was too tired after work yesterday to write. Fortunately it’s the weekend now so I can catch up easily.
Not the AUiest of AUs but still in keeping with the prompt I think. I also extremely cheekily snuck in a reference to my only other NnD fic.
Ao3 here, or text below the cut
 “Hello Penny, Specialist Schnee tod me you wanted to talk. What about?”
 Getting Winter to make her an appointment with the general had been scary but this was important.
 “I do not think we should be keeping my re-creation secret Sir”
 There, she’d said it, no going back now.
 “I have been stimulating alternative courses of action during my time in Vale. In most cases sharing information about myself with others, or taking a more active role rather than passively waiting, significantly improved the outcomes. In some cases I estimate it was likely possible to prevent the Fall entirely. I'm even more combat ready now than before, I should be helping people.”
 “And why do you think that?”
 James was not one to give up secrets easily, so she was prepared.
 “Very well. Send me the files to check.”
 Oh. Ah. This could be extremely embarrassing.
 ---
 Pyrrha’s power coursed through her, strengthening her against the monster's blow then guiding her arm into the best counter.
 “I’m Sorry!”
 The taller redhead’s voice had its common tint of shame.
 “Do not be sorry, Friend Pyrrha! Your help is greatly appreciated.”
 Ever since her beloved Ruby had introduced them they had become extremely close. Bonding over by a shared sense of isolation, over a shared burden of destiny.
 Penny did not need to imagine.
 As they finished off the last of the Grimm Pyrrha gave a quick remark.
 “Can you imagine if we’d had to fight in the festival without knowing each other, that could have been dreadful.”
 ---
 Penny gazed up from her sickbed into her partner’s face. The harsh sea wind had weathered lines in Ruby’s face as surely as the salt spray was slowly rusting her from within.
 Penny did not need to imagine.
 “You know Pen, sometimes I think running away to tend a lighthouse together was a really bad plan.”
 Sometime sailors would bring parts for trade but as Remnant darkened that trickle was drying up. Ruby's tender hands were trying their best to make do with what they had, but the need was ever greater than the supply.
 “I do not think so Petal, we have had a long and happy time together here. I am not sure we could have asked for more.”
 A familiar fire lit behind silver eyes.
 “It’s just, some of the stories from the east, I can’t help but imagine what would have happened if we’d stayed at Beacon, joined the fight.”
 ---
 For now she could just enjoy the quiet moment. The little cabin on Patch felt a world away from all her fears and concerns. Tomorrow was the midwinter festival and Penny would have to deal with the awkwardness of sitting whilst everyone else ate. She had some ideas of how to fix that though and now that she was going to stay at Beacon she had all the time in the world to implement them.
 “... upon a time, there was a very wise king. And an even wiser queen. Your turn!”
 Ruby finished the tale and handed the book to Penny. The two of them were curled beneath a blanket on a sofa, enjoying a just being together. Soon Blake and Yang would return and the house would be alive with noise.
 Penny did not need to imagine.
 Taking advantage of the pause before she started reading, Ruby lent in and stole a kiss, and a question.
 “Do you ever stop and think about how things could be different if you hadn’t asked me to dance with you last term? If we hadn’t stopped Cinder at the CCT? I imagine she could have caused a lot of trouble.”
 ---
 “Very well Sir, but be aware some of them continue past the point of useful prediction. I could edit them to avoid wasting your time.”
 The tiniest smirk showed on Ironwood's lips.
 “Of course. But I think you're correct regardless. People know you existed, there's no point in keeping your return secret any longer. Ozpin was right about the symbolic power of a Guardian."
The general paused, flicking through some files on his console.
 "How does ‘Protector of Mantle’ sound? We should be able to manage a formal announcement within the week.”
18 notes · View notes
works-of-fanfiction · 5 years ago
Text
Keep Me Company [Steve Rogers x Reader]
Summary: The reader is convinced to go on a double blind date by her co-worker. Throughout the evening, it becomes clear that someone other than her date, has peaked her interest.
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader
Warnings: Some swearing.
Word count: 4.7k
A/N: I haven’t written in over a year so this isn’t the best! This idea kinda sucks and turned out to be a lot longer than I wanted it to be, but I hope someone likes it regardless 🖤
———————-
[Reader’s POV]
“I’ve told you before, I’m really not interested in dating anyone right now,” I reiterated, shaking my head at my coworker, Ivy. She’d somehow managed to get herself roped into a blind date, and she’d spent the past week desperately asking every female at work to go with her.
“Please, Y/N! My cousin organised this and my date is bringing a friend. I can’t show up alone, it’ll be so awkward,” She’d now invited herself to sit at my desk, and I sighed out of annoyance as I closed my laptop and looked over at her, “Please? You’ll be my lifesaver.” She batted her eyelashes at me like a child begging their parents for an expensive toy. I mulled over it for a moment, and not a single scenario in my mind resulted in a good outcome. Has anything good ever come out of a blind date? To me they just seem super uncomfortable for everyone involved, with at least one party praying for the clock to move faster and for the ordeal to end. I didn’t really want to go, but the image of Ivy arriving alone to be faced by two strangers gave me a major wave of secondhand embarrassment. I knew I wouldn’t want to go through that, so I couldn’t let her walk into that either.
“Alright, alright. I’ll go with you, but you owe me one! Big time,” I gave in. She rose from the chair and grinned at me, heading towards the door.
“I’ll go and forward the reservation details to you. My date is called Steve, and you’ll be meeting his friend, Sam. Oh, I’m so excited!” She clasped her hands together and did a little dance on her tiptoes before disappearing out of my office. I groaned, catching my head in my hands. What have I gotten myself into?
—————-
As instructed by an extremely antsy Ivy, I arrived at the restaurant at 7.30pm on the dot. She was waiting outside for me when my taxi pulled up, and I could instantly see how nervous she was as she leaned against the restaurant window, bouncing her knee. “Y/N! You’re here! I thought you might bail on me,” she said, her voice shaking slightly. Ivy was always filled with so much energy, but with the added nerves she was even more jumpy than usual and couldn’t keep still for a second.
“So, do you have any idea what these guys look like?” I asked, hugging myself to try my best to stay warm. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t just wait inside, but Ivy insisted we greet them properly as soon as they arrived.
“I have an idea of what Steve looks like, but my cousin really wouldn’t let me see his picture for longer than five seconds,” she replied, her teeth chattering a little from the cold breeze hitting us both. A black car soon pulled up outside and Ivy straightened, brushing herself down, “This must be them. How do I look?”
“You look great. Just relax,” I offered her a small smile as we watched the car doors open. I looked away for a moment and rolled my eyes at the whole ordeal. There was Ivy, standing there like an excited schoolgirl and playing with her hair like her hands were glued to her head. Then there was me, lazily dressed at best and already feeling the urge to check the time. Again, why did I agree to this?
“You must be Ivy, and Y/N,” a voice said. I snapped back and turned to face them properly. I could literally hear the breath getting caught in Ivy’s throat as a quiet squeak came out of her mouth. But I couldn’t blame her, as I blinked heavily to try and make sense of the two men standing before us. I knew the names Steve and Sam sounded familiar, but I didn’t realise we were literally going for dinner with two of the Avengers. Immediately, my ‘couldn’t care less’ attitude towards the evening shifted, and the pressure was on. I’d agreed to a blind date, a blind double date, and I was paired with Sam Wilson, Falcon himself. No matter how the evening went, I knew I had to at least make a good impression. I couldn’t embarrass myself in front of an Avenger.
Tumblr media
“I’m Y/N,” I stated, mostly aiming my smile at Sam, but feeling the stare of both men on me. I waited for Ivy to introduce herself after me, but she stayed silent. I gave her a little nudge and she still didn’t say anything, so I put my arm around her shoulder for encouragement, “and this is Ivy, who I think needs a drink! Should we go inside, Ives?” I patted her back in a final attempt to get her to speak.
She cleared her throat, eventually opening her mouth to answer, “of course,” she turned to Steve and held out her hand to shake his, “sorry I uh - dry mouth,” she lied as he shook her hand awkwardly. I didn’t know whether to cringe or burst into laughter, so instead I just led everybody into the restaurant and got us seated at our table.
I didn’t know what to expect of the night ahead. Ivy was already a nervous wreck and she’d barely introduced herself to our company for the evening. I kind of felt sorry for her. I mean, her cousin could’ve pre-warned her that her date was someone as high-profile as Captain America! I think any girl would faint at the sight of him sitting across from them at a restaurant. Even I couldn’t take my eyes off of him and he wasn’t even my date to gawk at.
We quickly ordered drinks and read our food menus in silence. I could feel Ivy’s foot dancing under the table, so I reached over and placed my hand on her knee to calm her down. She looked at me and mouthed an apology. I couldn’t believe how nervous she was, she looked pale white like she was going to throw up any second. “How about we get a sharing appetiser to start? They sound really good,” Sam suggested, lifting his menu and pointing at one of the pictures. Thank God for him breaking the silence, because I felt like I could scream out of sheer awkwardness.
“Dough balls, chicken wings, tempura shrimp, mozzarella sticks... it doesn’t take much more convincing for me!” I enthused, reading the rest of the selection. I glanced up to see Steve looking at me, a wide smile on his face that reached his eyes. I felt my cheeks heat up, and I could’ve quite literally slapped myself for getting so excited over Captain America smiling at me. I didn’t want to turn into a giddy, fidgety teenager. We already had one of those at the table.
“What do you think, Ivy?” Steve asked her. She nodded in agreement, and everything in me wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. Why was she being so weird?
“Um, would you mind ordering the appetiser for us? I’m just going to go wash my hands. Ivy, come with me,” I stood up and grabbed her arm, almost dragging her out of her chair and towards the bathroom. Once inside, she stood in the mirror, vigorously scrubbing her hands and glaring at her own reflection.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Y/N! I just can’t speak, the words won’t come out!” She panicked, pretty much splashing water everywhere. I leaned against the counter with my arms folded, trying to think of what I could say to her to improve this situation.
“I know this is not exactly ideal -“
“Ideal?! This is a nightmare! I thought my cousin was just going to set me up with some loser she knew from work. I didn’t know it would be Steve fucking Rogers! I’ve made myself look like such an idiot,” she frantically dried her hands with a paper towel, her pale face growing redder by the second. I grabbed her wrists and took the paper towel from her, tossing it in the bin beside me.
“Listen,” I started, keeping my grip on her wrists and making her look me in the eyes, “You’re not the only one who is nervous, and I too thought it was just going to be a couple of loser guys wanting some company. Neither of us expected bloody Captain America and Falcon to show up, but here we are. Just don’t take it so seriously. Try and have fun, be yourself!” I internally cringed at how cliché I sounded, but if I wanted this night to be painless, I had to snap Ivy out of her weird mood in any way I could.
“Y - You’re right. You’re right! Just be myself,” Ivy repeated, more to herself than to me. I quickly washed my hands and we went back out there, re-joining the guys at the table where the drinks had now arrived.
I sat down and couldn’t help but notice the extravagant drink that was placed in front of Steve. It was bright orange in colour, with grapefruit slices on the rim and a neon green umbrella wedged in the top of it. I couldn’t help but quietly giggle at the sight of this muscular mountain of a man, drinking something that looked like it belonged on a beach in Hawaii in the hand of a bikini-clad model. “Aren’t we going to address the elephant in the room?” I laughed, putting down my menu.
“Do you mean that literal elephant ornament over there, or the tropical vomit that Steve is drinking?” Sam joked, picking up the cocktail, “Have you ever seen a liquid that colour?”
“Hey!” Steve grabbed the glass, cautiously placing it back down, “it just tastes better, okay? I didn’t know it would come with its own accessories,” he gestured to the grapefruit decorating the glass.
“I wouldn’t complain Steve, it’s the best part,” I added. He picked one of the slices from the glass and held it in front of my face.
“For you, m’lady,” he mocked in a posh accent. I glanced at everybody at the table and Sam was flashing his cheeky grin, whilst Ivy’s expression was a little less readable. I couldn’t tell if she was still just riddled with nerves, or if my interaction with Steve was bothering her. Either way, I leaned forward and took a bite out of the grapefruit, holding my hands underneath my chin as the juice dribbled everywhere.
“Oh damn,” I mumbled, still chewing the fruit. I grabbed a napkin and attempted to clean my sticky hands. Steve was chuckling quietly, as he went to take a sip of his no-doubt delicious cocktail, “that was messier than I thought.”
“That was a weird mixture of amusing, erotic, and disgusting,” Sam laughed. It felt as if we were all just staring at Ivy, waiting for her to join in, but all she could offer was a shy smile before she buried her head back into her menu to choose a main course. Sam looked at me from across the table with an inquisitive expression, gesturing towards her with his eyes. I just shrugged, glancing back over at Steve who just so happened to look at me at the same time. As we made eye contact, a light fluttering feeling invaded my stomach, and I didn’t know whether to just allow myself to feel it or to feel bad for wishing I could swap seats with Ivy. Don’t get me wrong, Sam was a great guy, but something about Steve was turning my insides to mush, and I hadn’t even been in his company for more than twenty minutes.
Our appetiser soon arrived, and we each ordered our main courses before we dug in. I kept trying to give Ivy subtle nudges and hints so she’d join in more, but she was still pretty quiet. She was trying her best, but it was clear that Steve was close to giving up on making conversation with her. “So, Ivy, Y/N,” Steve started, wiping the sides of his mouth with a napkin, “what do you both do?” I slowly chewed on a piece of shrimp, with Ivy looking at me as if she was waiting for me to do the talking. I signalled to her that my mouth was full, hopefully giving her a little push to answer the question.
“Y/N is one of the HR executives, and I uh - I work on the same floor in IT,” Ivy shakily explained, her voice quiet but it was better than stone cold silence.
“IT, huh? Well you could teach me how to get along better with technology,” Steve said to Ivy. She just looked down at her plate and mumbled something I couldn’t even hear. Sam shot me another one of his confused looks, and I really wished I knew what to say to get Ivy to speak up a bit more, or at least attempt to create a nice atmosphere for the rest of us.
Regardless of the slightly awkward atmosphere, we continued to eat and make conversation where we could. Steve and Sam asked a lot of questions, which I was too scared to return at first. What do you ask an Avenger? I don’t want to sound like an interviewer asking them everything about their lives and how they’ve quite literally saved the world multiple times. Throughout the conversation I learned that I have a lot more in common with Steve than I would’ve anticipated. I don’t know what that says about my character, given that Steve has lived more of his life in the early half of the 20th Century. Sam poked fun at me for some of my interests, calling me an old woman, but I soon silenced him when I threw a mozzarella stick at him which covered his cheek in breadcrumbs.
I tried to concentrate on Sam, in hopes that it would somehow force Ivy to actually pay attention to her date and make more effort. However, I couldn’t stop my eyes from wandering back over to Steve, where he sat with a warm smile on his face as he tried his best to get Ivy to communicate. He’d been asking us both questions all evening, but he was really only getting answers from me. I was really enjoying their company, and Sam made me laugh until my stomach hurt, but something inside of me wished I was sitting across from Steve. He was being the perfect gentleman, and his occasional compliments made my cheeks feel like they were on fire from all the blushing I must’ve been doing. At one point, Sam even told us to ‘get a room’ and if I wasn’t so busy trying to silently calm myself down, I probably would’ve had a sarcastic reply ready.
—————
We split the bill equally, and the guys quickly went to the bathroom before we left, so Ivy and I waited outside. “Steve’s really nice,” I stated, trying to fill the silence between us. I could understand her shyness in front of Sam and Steve, but she didn’t need to be so strange around me.
“He seems to really like you,” she muttered, folding her arms and sighing. I couldn’t tell how she was feeling, but she was really starting to bug me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, trying my best not to sound irritated. She’d hardly said more than ten words all night, and I was running out of ways to cover for her and make conversation on her behalf. She looked at me with a frown, keeping her arms tightly folded across her chest, “what? You can’t be mad at me for talking to Steve, you didn’t exactly make this night easy for him.”
“You knew I was nervous! You couldn’t just sit and talk to Sam, you had to get all chatty with Steve and make me look stupid.”
“I made you look stupid?! Don’t you realise I spent most of the evening starting conversations for you? I had to bring up topics I knew you liked to get you to speak, and even that didn’t work. You can’t blame me here.”
I leaned against a nearby lamppost, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at the stupidity I was being forced to listen to. Ivy continued to rant at me about how I’d ruined her evening by getting along so well with Steve, and how I probably planned to ‘steal her date’ all along. “I did you a favour by agreeing to come to this. It’s not my fault that you sat there in silence most of the time. We all tried our best, you know we did,” I retorted. She stood there glaring at me, probably searching for something else she could say to try and justify her nonsense.
Suddenly, the restaurant doors swung open and out stepped Sam and Steve. “Do you ladies wanna go grab dessert somewhere?” Steve asked, his tone a little hesitant. I couldn’t blame him, I’d be hesitant too after spending almost two hours sitting opposite the human equivalent of a brick wall. I glanced at Ivy who was still stood with her arms folded, scowling like an upset toddler.
“I’m not feeling so good. I’m just going to head home. It was nice to meet you both,” Ivy said to them, without even bothering to make eye contact, “see you at work Y/N,” she murmured, before walking off down the street and disappearing around the corner.
“Do you think I should’ve gone with her?” Steve asked, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Usually I would say yes, but in this case, I don’t think you’re inclined to do anything,” Sam said honestly, placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder. He pulled the car keys out of his pocket and unlocked the car, walking around to the driver’s side, “enjoy your dessert!” He called over, winking.
“Wait, where are you going?” I asked, a sudden wave of nerves hitting me as I realised what he was implying.
“It doesn’t take a fool to know where he’s not wanted,” he replied, pushing out his bottom lip jokingly.
“Sam! Don’t say that,” I walked around to the driver’s side and he placed a hand on my arm, smiling down at me.
“Now I’ve never seen Steve have a crush, but I’d say you’re pretty close,” he said quietly, probably so Steve couldn’t hear. I glanced over at the Super Soldier pacing the pavement and whistling to himself, and the all-too-familiar fluttery feeling returned to my stomach, “but don’t let him have too much dessert, he’s a superhero remember.”
“Sam, you don’t have to leave.”
“I had a great time tonight, despite the uh - well despite Ivy,” we both laughed and I couldn’t suppress the huge grin that spread across my face, “I’m sure I’ll see you around at the Avengers HQ sometime.”
“Now you’re planning way too far ahead,” I slapped his arm playfully, before thanking him for making the date bearable at least.
“See you later old man!” He shouted over to Steve as I walked back around to join him. Steve just snickered and shook his head, waving off his friend as Sam got into the car and drove away. I stood beside him, my heart pounding as I tried to figure out how I ended up here. As bad as I feel to admit it, I guess I only have Ivy and her weird behaviour to thank for this.
“So, where are you taking me Captain?” I asked, standing opposite him and looking up into his eyes. My knees felt shaky and weak beneath me, and I mentally scolded myself for behaving like such a cheesy rom-com character. Steve maintained eye contact as he brought his right hand up to my face. I shivered a little as his cold fingers brushed my temple, as he moved a piece of hair out of my eyes.
“I was going to suggest ice cream, but perhaps it’s a little too cold for that,” he stepped back and shrugged his jacket off of his shoulders, “here.” He wrapped the jacket around me and I slid my arms into the sleeves. Steve laughed at how oversized it was on me, as he tried to fold the sleeves a little. I caught my reflection in the restaurant window and I smiled to myself. Strangely, the image of myself standing opposite Captain America whilst wearing his jacket, was something that made my heart do somersaults. The gesture was so simple, yet so thoughtful.
“I have an idea, but we’ll have to make a stop along the way,” he smiled, holding out his hand. I placed my hand in his and agreed to let him lead the way. After all, I was way too caught up in the moment to protest and I was excited to see what he’d come up with so last minute.
We walked a few blocks and stopped at a bakery. It was five minutes before closing time, but Steve insisted it was the best place to grab something for dessert. I waited by the door as he spoke to the cashier. They handed him quite a large paper bag, then we were soon back on our way to wherever he was leading us to. We walked for a little while longer before stopping in front of the museum. “I know it seems strange that I’ve brought you here, to a museum literally dedicated to me, but I’ve got a deal with the security guards here and it’s kind of relaxing to be here after closing,” he explained, before lightly knocking on the glass door. A security guard eventually let us in, and I kept ahold of Steve’s hand as we walked through the exhibits.
I read everything on the walls and stopped to look at every single picture. Steve was never far behind, either holding my hand or resting it on my back as I engrossed myself in all the information the museum had to offer. I’d never had the chance to visit before, and I was learning more and more about Steve as the minutes passed. “Do you remember all of this?” I asked, my eyes still fixed on a photo of him surrounded by other soldiers. They all looked happy to be together, to be a team.
Tumblr media
“Every single second,” I turned to look at him and he gazed into the glass case, his eyes scanning each picture. A smile crept onto his face and he looked down at me, his smile widening as our eyes met.
“You miss it, don’t you?”
“Things are definitely different now,” he took my hand and we continued to walk on, stopping in front of a group of mannequins wearing uniforms, “it’s a time I’ll always cherish. But that doesn’t mean I’m not happy to be here now. There’s so many people I’ve met that I am so grateful to know,” he reached forward and ran his fingers along the fabric of his old uniform, that same reminiscent smile appearing on his face, “including those I’ve met on slightly disastrous double dates.” He turned and winked at me and I just rolled my eyes at his corny remark, whilst failing to ignore the butterflies dancing in my stomach.
Our last stop was a room with a large screen projecting video clips of Steve and those from his past. Instead of sitting on the benches, we went to the front and sat on the floor with our backs against them. Steve reminded me of the treats he’d collected from the bakery, and placed the bag between us. “I always go to this bakery, because not only do they have the best cakes, but at night they throw in a few extras that they couldn’t sell,” he explained excitedly, ripping the bag and laying it out flat. An array of colourful cupcakes and pastries were laid out in a box, and my mouth almost watered at the sight, “by the way, the cinnamon roll is mine.”
“Damn! I was just about to call dibs,” I pretended to sulk and he sighed, opening the box and ripping the pastry in half, handing me the piece that was slightly bigger, “oh I’m flattered.”
“I couldn’t possibly deprive you of it. It’s just heavenly,” we both took a bite at the same time and audibly groaned at how good it tasted. I giggled as I noticed the icing all around his mouth, “what? Is there something on my face?” I couldn’t stop laughing as he looked down as if he was trying to look at his own cheeks. I rolled up the sleeve of his jacket and wiped his face with my thumb.
“Did you get napkins by any chance?” I asked, as I realised my hand was now covered in sticky icing. Steve rummaged through the box and found a stray napkin at the bottom. I wiped off my hand and leaned back, laying my legs down on the ground as I propped the upper half of my body against the benches. “So, what’s this video about?”
“Well that’s me,” he pointed at the screen as the footage showed a group of soldiers walking through some trees, “and those are the soldiers I rescued from one of the Hydra bases. That’s my best friend, Bucky.”
“He’s a Super Soldier too, right?”
“Uh huh, but I can still kick his ass,” he winked, nudging me with his elbow. He shuffled closer to me and rested his arm on the bench behind me. I could feel the warmth from his skin on the back of my neck, and there was nothing I wanted more than to rest my head on his shoulder and snuggle up to him.
“Y/N, do you think it’s weird that I brought you here?” He asked shyly. I looked over at him and his brows were furrowed slightly, which just made me want to grab him in a hug and tell him not to worry.
“Not at all. I love learning about our country’s history, and who better to educate me than Captain America himself?” I smiled, and I saw his chest rise and fall as if he was letting out a breath he’d been holding, “I’ve had a really great time with you, Steve. Part of me wishes we could’ve skipped the first couple hours of the evening,” I joked. I was so comfortable in Steve’s company that I almost forgot about the awkward dinner we’d engaged in earlier.
“Can I confess something?”
“Of course.”
“When you introduced yourself, I was so jealous that you were Sam’s date and not mine. My eyes found you as soon as I stepped out of the car, and I don’t think they’ve left you all evening. I’ve loved getting to know you, chatting to you, laughing with you. I’m really glad you came tonight,” he fidgeted, playing with the hem of his shirt nervously. I tried to think of what to say, but I was speechless. Nobody has ever said anything like that to me before, and I certainly never expected to be overwhelmed in such a way by someone as amazing as Steve.
“I - I just don’t know what to say,” I breathed, my heart thumping so hard that it felt like it could explode at any moment.
“Perhaps we could start with this - Say that you’ll meet me again.” He sat up and faced me directly, a hopeful smile on his face. I sat up and placed my hand on top of his, giving it a comforting squeeze.
“Of course I will,” I spoke quietly, nearly whispering. I couldn’t quite believe what was happening. My head felt cloudy and tingles ran down my spine out of sheer excitement. Steve wanted to spend more time... with me! How did I get so lucky?
“I have an idea! How about, we meet right here? I’ll bring takeout, we can perhaps try and get a movie to work on the projector. It can be our spot,” I suggested, desperately hoping that I didn’t sound ridiculous. Steve grinned, squeezing my hand in return.
“I would love that.”
“Then it’s a date.”
267 notes · View notes
Text
Here Today
Summary: Beaver spotted the man first as he & Jonesy strolled towards Derry’s kissing bridge, hand-in-hand. He was hunched over himself in a way that had to be might uncomfortable. Beaver stopped his loud laughter when Jonesy let go of his hand. For safety. 
They’d just bow their heads, walk past and maybe come back later to attend to their business if they saw fit. At least, that could have been the plan had Beaver not recognized the stranger. 
Fandoms: IT & Dreamcatcher 
Ships: Reddie, Jonesy/Beaver 
Word Count: 3,708
There was a man with bad posture sitting on the kissing bridge. 
A couple of things were wrong with him. Some were simply symptoms of a common cold (the cough, the stuffiness & the sneeze). But what was left (the breakdowns, the depression & sudden fondness for his hell-hole hometown) were signs of a problem much larger than that of a ‘sick-bug’.
The man with awful posture was re-entering a period of mourning. Like the time of the werewolf; the moon snuck up on Richie Tozier two nights ago and reduced him to a sad, hairy man. Slobbery too. But slobbery with tears.  
Each of his loser’s club pals had reached out to him that morning. Their texts were loving & perfect but awkward (through no fault of their own). Who knew what to say to their best friend who’d never officially come out of the closet on the anniversary of the man he never got to confess his full-love to’s death? Hallmark didn’t have the best cards for that. Some. But not a lot. 
Mike Hanlon had encouraged his Idea to come on down to Derry over the phone when he’d hesitantly pitched it. Once Richie told him about the carving, Mike told him to go on & head-out. Pay a sentimental visit instead of succumbing to his usual coping mechanism of crying & watching movies for straight men. ‘She’s Out of My League’ had been his original plan for the afternoon.
But sweet Mike was right, as he often was. So Richie negotiated a week off with his agent before the ‘real work’ in his schedule started. He came home...to the place where he’d grown-up...the place which housed some of his fondest and some of his most horrifying memories. It was that strange sort of balance that kept any feeling but numb at bay. 
{R + E}
It had still been there, of course. He hadn’t expected any Derry hooligans' to scratch it off or some shit. But it was still sort of surreal to be back again. He traced his fingers along the thick, cut-open lines just as he’d done down the tender ripped skin of Eddie’s wound two years ago. He shouldn’t have been as squeamish this time, considering it was only carved wood not the yanked-open & festering skewer hole of his loved one (Ha! He laughed like a disturbed & deeply depressed Fozzy Bear at that one!)
That had been a little over twenty minutes ago but Richie still hadn’t left. He sat now at the edge with his legs hung over the side. Not completely ready to go back to his lonely motel room. He thought about the Losers having to pull him off Eddie’s body down in the sewers which eerily lead him to his Halloween costume six or so years ago...Tom Petty’s get-up in the ‘Mary Janes Last Dance’ Video. 
He felt a sudden urge to vomit and cry at the same time. Because there was truly no way to avoid the pain. It would just have to hammer in his chest until it either passed or killed him. He couldn’t run from himself or his memories for very long. He felt a sick sensation of missing the time he’d first left Derry & was forced to forget everything and everyone. At least then...
No. He hated that he could even think about wanting that. He would just have to keep learning how to live without Eddie Kaspbrak. Shouldn’t be too damn difficult, huh?
: : : : : :
Beaver spotted the man first as he & Jonesy strolled towards Derry’s kissing bridge, hand-in-hand. He was hunched over himself in a way that had to be might uncomfortable. Beaver stopped his loud laughter when Jonesy let go of his hand. For safety. Derry was nowhere near as bad as it’d once been but you couldn’t be too careful when it came to displaying your sexuality in front of strangers, sadly. 
Though still, the boys held love for their home-town. After all, it was the setting of their found family and nothing was more important than the good ol’ SSDD gang. 
They’d just bow their heads, walk past and maybe come back later to attend to their business if they saw fit. 
At least, that could have been the plan had Beaver not recognized the stranger. “Jesus Christ-Bananas!” he yippee’d in that voice Jonesy usually adored but was slightly annoyed by in the moment. “That’s Richie fucking Tozier!”
“A very distressed looking Richie Tozier.” Jonesy corrected, hoping they were giving the man enough space & privacy that he couldn’t notice them yet. He nver understood his boyfriend’s obsession with the guy. To Jonesy, Richie Tozier seemed like any other straight white comedian. “We should probably leave him alone, Beav.” 
Beaver’s beautiful joy snapped into an accepted disappointment as he observed the man in front of them. Jonesy could see the ache to rush over was hard for him to hold back. It pained him just to see his boyfriend so deflated. Teased by such a great possible experience-
“I’ll be leaving soon, if that’s what you’re worried about!”
Came a sudden friendly & very Richie Tozier like voice. Beaver just about shouted as they jumped their eyes over to meet the stranger’s. He was tall and a little gangly with Buddy Holly glasses sliding down his nose. 
“Actually we were just trying to decide which one of us was going to rob you...” Beaver chuckled awkwardly & so unlike him. “We were gonna do a coin toss for it.” He added before slamming his hand against his forehead (quite forcefully too). “That was a joke, sorry...a dumb joke...” He mumbled. Jonesy couldn’t hold back his amused grin but resisted his urge to pull Beav closer. Instead, he walked forward to their conversation ahead, an eager yet embarrassed boyfriend following him. 
“You’re Richie Tozier!” Beaver repeated. 
“Beaver’s a bit starstruck.” Jonesy smirked. “He gets this same way whenever he sees a famous comedian just chilling in our hometown.” He chuckled and pretended not to notice Mr. Tozier’s red eyes. He got the feeling---actually it was more than that, he could very well tell the man was caught between a rock & a hard place with the little...trick he & the gang each possessed. 
“Hey, that’s ok with me.” He laughed & pushed his glasses up his nose. “Don’t see any paper...want me to sign a body part or something?” He joked and Jonesy knew exactly how Beaver would try and continue the joke so...
The taller friend slapped his palm over ‘Beavers’ mouth which made that squeaky old man laugh escape Richie. 
“Gary Jones. You cane call me Jonesy.” The young man held out his free hand to shake in a charming gesture which said ‘We do this bit all the time’. It hit Richie right in the grief bone again. 
“Joe Clarendon. But my friends call me Beaver.” And just like that, Beav’s confidence was back. 
Richie noticed the way Jonesy practically glowed when his friend spoke. “Richie Tozier.” He felt the need to introduce himself, like an idiot, even though they obviously knew his name. “But you can just call me ‘your hero’, I guess.” He laughed at his own lame joke which seemed to make the Beaver-guy light up again. 
He looked them up and down. They looked about twenty or twenty-one to Richie. Beaver was a short but made up for it in hair, which was long & hippie-like. He respected that. Most of his body up top was covered by a large Fonzie-Jacket & the bottom was all about the Doc Martens. Richie felt like he was looking at a bit of a modernized version of his younger self. 
Jonesy was going for a much calmer look of a light-blue flannel and sneakers. They looked like quite the pair. 
“What’s a guy like you doing in a town like this?” Beaver grinned, charm oozing so easily off him. One of the reasons Jonesy fell in love with him so quickly. 
Richie chuckled, swiping his thumb under his nose. “Thought I’d visit my old stomping grounds.” He shrugged. 
Jonesy shared a quick look with Beav as a feeling shot up his body. He got the idea through their...special talent that there was more to that story. And by the look of it, so did Beav. 
“There’s no way you grew up here. I would’ve known that!” Beaver smacked a hand to his chest. “Jesus-Christ-Bananas!” 
Richie quirked his brow at the Beav-ism & Jonesy briefly thought he might ignore it or roll his eyes like most strangers but instead...“Mary, Joseph & the whole fruit basket!” He shook his head. Beav looked like he might burst with respect and adoration. It was just about the cutest thing Jonesy had ever seen. “I can’t believe it myself sometimes.” 
The Beav takes a toothpick from his new wooden container (a gift from Mrs. Cavell) and pops it between his teeth. He thought-no-he knew that Rich Tozier was doin’ a voice. Not an outrageous one like he sometimes did on stage but one that said ‘I’m alright. Doing just fine. Nothing to see here’ and all at once Beav felt a little bad for bothering him again. 
“I ran around with a little gang of dorks.” He laughed, 100% sure he was about to dumb a lot of his tory onto these poor boys. Not all but some. “Lost one of them two years ago today...” He frowned and looked conflicted before adding “In the flood.” 
The boys started to nod but where Jonesy felt a pinch of something wrong in his mind, Beaver started having a full-on attack about it. Like in the old days. Days of Grenadeau and Josie. Jonesy felt his boyfriend shaking and looked to see him trying to repress it to the best of his ability before lurching forward with a grunt that sounded painful.
Richie ducked down like he might try to catch him if he fainted but Beaver popped back up with sweat running down his temple. 
‘What happened?’ Jonesy sent a message through his mind almost completely accidentally. 
Beaver looked up, looking deeply deeply disturbed and scared. He’d seen images he could not for the life of himself comprehend. ‘Dark places. Large sharpened legs stabbing through somebody's body? Something like that. Screaming and...?’ He looked at Richie. “New shit today, Jonesy.” He felt vomit whirl up his throat but he swallowed quickly. “I saw a clown?” 
Richie widened his eyes before vomiting over the edge of the bridge.
“Major gross-out!” Beaver whistled as he heard the plops of chunky puke hit the water. Jonesy looked a little green himself after Rich came up, wiping his mouth with general looking shock. 
Beaver was about to make another kind of joke when he noticed the guttural growl the comedic-stranger made as his body lurched forward. He hoped the guy could catch his breath before he choked on any more reverse meals. 
He stepped forward to offer him the bandana he kept in the jacket pocket but when they briefly touched hands, another sight hit him that was just as shockingly awful as the last-----
‘Beads of blood dotted the corners of Richie’s torn lips. Hands incapable of remaining clutched with the slickness of the sweat pooling in his palms. He had Eddie kneeling between his skinny legs who was trying to communicate something to him but the most Richie could think to do in those fatal seconds was to hope for a few things. 
The kind of hopes that were important to someone at the delicate age of forty. 
A large thump above his head made him flinch, Eddie’s fist briefly slamming hard under his chin. He fought back his pain filled yelp by clasping his palm over his wet mouth. His eyes darted wildly back and forth behind the minimal cracks on his glasses. 
The second hand dirt that he’d gathered on his piss colored shirt was now having a wipe down of maroon. 
Only the dye-job didn’t come from him. Rather, Eddie Kaspbrak who was now wailing above him as Pennywise waved him around like a magic wand. 
The hair on the back of his neck stood. He popped his hand off the tight grip he’d had on his chin. The satisfying pop sound came with a small following gurgle. Gasps of choked breaths rushed out from his clotting throat. 
But none of that mattered because the love of his life was being murdered right in front of him.
He screamed.’ 
Beaver screamed too. Not as loud but just as horribly pained. 
                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“So let me get this straight...” Richie paced back-and-forth on the bridge while Beaver & Jonesy tried to follow him, amusingly. They’d each given each other new and semi-honest backgrounds now. Richie’s was hard to understand without all the pieces but beyond crazy still. “You’re in a group of friends, from Derry-” He laughed like a crazy person. Beaver loved it. And oddly, so did Jonesy. “And you all have these...powers?”
Jonesy nodded, now walking in-pace with the older man. “You got it.” He chuckled. 
“There’s five of us. How many do you have?” Beaver added, standing on his tip-toes. 
Richie stopped moving. “There’s seven-” He paused. Thinking of the cruel way Stanley & Eddie had been taken away from them. “Five left though.” He looked like he wanted a cigarette so Beaver instinctively held out a tooth-pick. 
When the comedian actually took it, Jonesy saw Beaver smile so wide it looked like it might break his gorgeous little face. For a moment the pair so alike just stared at each other. It was something of a little stand-off that Jonesy was about to question when a different thought popped into his brain. “Whoever died this day-?”
Richie slid down against the wood and sat. “Eddie.” His eyes glazed over for a moment before falling on tiny Beaver’s huge Doc Martens. 
Jonesy swallowed, hoping yet knowing he wasn’t wrong. “Was he your...?” He licked his lips in thought. But Richie cut him off by looking back up with freshly-red eyes. 
“Almost. Maybe.” He shrugged, rolling his toothpick to the other side of his mouth. “Slipped through my f-f-fingers-fuck. Starting to sound like stuttering Bill.” He laughed but the boys weren’t sure who that was. 
The three of them were now sitting on the bridge together. 
“He didn’t know. We left him down there and he didn’t even fucking know I was in love with him.” He sighed, not wanting to think about how weird the day was starting to become. “He was afraid of the dark.” He shrugged, holding the tooth-pick between his fingers, rolling it back-and-forth.
“Taste good like a cigarette should, huh?” Beaver mumbled after a few minutes and again Jonesy was sure that Richie wouldn’t appreciate that reaction but the man surprised him with a hearty laugh. 
“It’s like the song says; I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. Seen sunny days that I thought would never end. Seen lonely times when I could not find a friend. But I always thought that I’d see you again...” Beaver raised his tooth-pick, Richie followed without question & Jonesy raised his pinky finger. 
“How’d you get to be such a funny kid, huh?” Richie quirked his brow. 
Jonesy smiled. “Born that way.” He slapped Beav’s knee gently. 
“Overactive imagination and anger issues.” Beaver pushed Jonesy back by the face and giggled when Jonesy just let him do it. 
Richie watched the short little spitfire slap-fight his pal and felt sick to his stomach by how much the young man reminded him of himself...and of Eddie only with a tooth-pick holder clutched in his hands instead of the inhaler.
Jonesy felt a short breeze pass over them. “Beav brought me here to show me some carving he did when we were little.” He glanced at his boyfriend with extreme affection. Both knew Richie was safe now. 
“Our initials in a heart!” Beaver whistled. “Because little Beav didn’t know how to express his feelings.” He mocked a sweet voice. 
Richie laughed, chin to the sky. “You gotta be shitting me.” He leapt to his feet and gestured for them to follow him. Which they did without hesitation. “I came here for a reason today too.” He pointed towards his old carving with an unbelievable amount of pride and utter amazement. Another coincidence. 
{R + E}
The younger men each stared at the carving with wonder and appreciation. Beaver kneeled down and traced it with his fingers just as Richie had done just a half-hour ago. Jonesy simply looked off with vague amusement as he threaded his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, Richie supposed he wasn’t even aware he was doing it. 
“My friend, Mike...Mike Hanlon. He thought it’d be good for me to come up here today just to...” He faded off to wave his hands about, not knowing how to finish. The boys looked up with happy looking grins. 
“Mike Hanlon?” Jonesy shook his head with joy. “He was our childhood librarian.” His tongue ran across his lips & he was most surely seeing flashes of his childhood. And maybe feeling a bit like time was passing by too quickly. 
‘Damn kid was barely twenty-one though’. Richie thought bitterly & fondly. 
Beaver nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah. Nice guy. He helped me check out my Playboy’s that one time.” He stuck a thumb into Jonesy’s shoulder which was slapped away with amusement. His smile faded to an exaggerated grimace. “It was always weird to go there after that.” 
Richie couldn’t help but laugh again with the jovial young men. It lasted about twenty seconds before it turned into hoarse sobs. He turned away from them, chest hurting. “Fuck, man! This is embarrassing as shit.” He managed a small chuckle through it. 
Jonesy looked at him sympathetically, hearing all of Beaver’s thoughts of ‘I wish Henry were here’.
“SSDD, huh?” Jonesy did the best he could and took pride in himself when the man turned. “Same shit, different day.” He added. 
Richie chuckled again, a beautiful one. “Yeah--yeah, I’ve heard it before.” He shook his head and leaned onto the railing. He genuinely looked cheered up by that simple phrase, sharing a private & entertained look with Beaver, who Jonesy would later call his soul-son. 
“We should give you our other friend’s number, he’s studying to be a psychologist--”
“Psychiatrist, Beav.” Jonesy corrected.
Beaver shrugged, waving his hand. “Psychiatrist, whatever. He may be able to help your fragile mental state.” 
Jonesy accepted just then that his boyfriend could never push too far when it came to Richie because the Tozier man recognized the Beav for what he was. And that would be someone very similar to himself. 
It was strangely beautiful. 
“What I saw was...” Beav faded off, eyes twitching. It was hard for him to put to words just how gut-wrenching the scene was. “Awful. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through or are going through.” He shook his head. 
Jonesy nodded, rubbing a comforting hand down his boyfriend’s arm. “I only just felt it & I wanted to die.” He wondered if that was extremely rude to say. 
Richie squinted. He was reminded of a younger Stanley Uris & his ability to see...to understand things past the other loser’s comprehension. He felt a strong urge to insist his losers come back down to Derry just to meet these home-visitors too. Maybe it was meant to be. 
“It’ll be hard to get over the fact that my vision of Eddie & I getting together in my head....” He bit into his cheek “Well, it’s going to have to stay there forever.” He looked up at the happy former Derry citizens couple as they instinctively held each-other’s hands tighter. He nearly choked with jealousy. “I loved him for a few years, forgot him for a good twenty-seven more and now...” He waved his hand in-front of him in a tight spiral. 
“You’re lonesome all the time since leaving your baby behind on Blue Bayou, huh?” Beaver flicked his tooth-pick. The sky grew a little bit cloudy over their heads and Richie Tozier burst into a fit of giggles. 
“You could say that, kiddo.” He crossed his arms, looking ready to drop the subject all together now. “And I’m not gonna say anything more about that fucking clown before you ask.” Rich smiled, pointing a finger at Jonesy who truly was about to ask more about that creature the comedian briefly mentioned only enough to explain Beaver’s vision. 
“I’ve made your nice little trip about me, sorry.” He added. “See, making people miserable is a talent of mine. I’m a great comedian in that way.” He rolled his eyes, standing up straight. 
“You’d be better if you wrote your own material. I’d like to hear some jokes about that horrible trauma you talked about.” Beaver giggled as he bit hard into his toothpick. Richie burst into another fit of genuine laughter. “My trauma is the center of my comedy-” He smirked. 
Jonesy frowned, thinking of the past and of men like Richie Grenadeau who they had once dreamed dead. He softly pinched the back of his boyfriends palm. If Tozier could keep some cards close to his chest, so could they. At least for now. 
“Ow! Bitch-in-a-Buzzsaw!” Beaver whipped his hand back and sucked on his skin like a child. Jonesy tried not to giggle as Richie looked on with confusion. 
He shrugged in response. “I just-”
“Nah, I got it.” He waved a hand from his temple to the vague direction of Jonesy’s. “We don’t have to tell each other everything. Hell, we’re still strangers.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked off in the direction of his carving. 
“But soon to be best friends.” Beaver added, breaking his lips free from the moist spot on his hand. Richie and Jonesy had a nice shared laugh at the charming boy. 
They walked a ways up the bridge to see Richie Tozier off, in some silent agreement. Jonesy felt a rush of disappointment pass through him but it was quickly squashed by the eagerness he had for his date with Beaver. 
As the group walked him over the bridge, Jonesy caught sight of little Beaver’s old carving...in the shape of a heart...
{B + J} 
16 notes · View notes
radramblog · 4 years ago
Text
Album Discussion- The Fall of Troy
Last week I discussed an album that, more or less, was defined by looseness and empty spaces. This might as well be the polar opposite of that.
Tumblr media
(man no-one seems to have uploaded this album art in high res)
Released in 2003, The Fall of Troy is a self-titled mathcore/post-hardcore/screamo debut album made by 3 17 year olds- and in some ways that shows, but it’s not like they were fresh, they’d had two EPs under a different name by that point. The Fall of Troy is probably best known by their song F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X., having been featured as a bonus track in Guitar Hero III, which is notably, not on this album. Rather, their second album, Doppelganger, had a few tracks that were basically retakes of songs from this first album. But we’re not talking about Doppelganger (and I still can’t find a bloody CD of it), we’re talking about The Fall of Troy, by The Fall of Troy, so let’s bloody well dive in.
The first song on here, Rockstar Nailbomb!, is as much a statement of intent as anything I’ve ever seen. It’s starts with hoarsely screamed, incomprehensible vocals over a frenetic set of guitar riffs, that cuts back into a more traditional song structure, you know, after a bit. Like any good opener, it’s introducing what you’re going to be getting from the album- songs that, while extremely energetic, tend to cut between sung vocals and screamed ones at a moment’s notice, complex and overlapping guitar riffs, and a very deliberately unpolished sound. The technical skill on display is incredible considering the age of the band, as well. For such a short song, Rockstar Nailbomb! goes in some real places, closing with a line that would be appropriate to finish off the album as a whole- but of course, we’re just getting started.
The next song is called Spartacus, and it shows off the talent of the drummer in a way that the previous didn’t. Unfortunately, I almost feel like this song was kind of a half-formed idea, considering it’s a minute and a quarter long, and the…squeal…? Near the end is kind of offputting. A mid one.
Oh boy it wouldn’t be a nerd band without ridiculous track names- next up is The Circus That Has Brought Us Back to These Nights (Yo Chocola), and no I don’t fucking know what that means. This one ironically feels the most like a song than the others before it, a slightly more traditional structure, the screaming and singing vocals forming something of a call-and-response that would probably make more sense if I could understand the lyrics half the time. Despite this, it’s no less speedy, frantic, and intricate, mixes between melody and dissonance that are basically the band’s signature.
The fourth track is named Mouths Like Sidewinder Missiles, and it’s one of my favourite tracks on the album. I can’t really describe why, though, so I’m going to take a minute to talk about something else. See, this is one of the tracks that was redone for Doppelganger, and on Spotify, for whatever reason, has the title misspelled “Misssiles”. I let them know about this years ago and they never fixed it, so I guess this is my callout post. For what it’s worth, I think the Doppelganger version is a bit looser, adding in some elements in the empty space (there’s a reverb after the initial riff I really love), but both have their own merits.
Okay, mild rant over, back to regular old rambling. The next track is The Last March of the Ents, Lord of the Rings reference very much intended. This is one of those tracks I always forgets exists to be honest, like the intro started and I was like…what was this one again? And then the bit at like 50 seconds came in and I remembered everything. That section is honestly really strong, though unfortunately the rest of the track kinda feels just like Mouths like Sidewinder Missiles, but like, slightly worse? Which is especially awkward considering it immediately proceeds that song. I will say the part of the song where it slows alllll the way down is really enjoyable, it’s very gradual and smooth, gives the bass a bit of time to shine, before blowing back up again because these guys just can’t bear to play slow for half a minute.
The next track is F.C.P.S.I.T.S.G.E.P.G.E.P.G.E.P. This is the song that their most popular track, F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X. is a version of, and they’ve never actually stated what the acronym is for. A common (and I believe discredited) suggestion is, and I quote, “Fuck condoms, premarital sex is the shit, get ‘er pregnant get ‘er pregnant get ‘er pregnant”, which is A Take. It also has nothing to do with the lyrics of the song itself. This track is actually by far the loosest and slowest on the album completely, appropriate considering it’s first words are “slow down”. There’s really not a lot of screaming on it, left only to the chorus, and they’re actually understandable which is nice (or maybe it’s just because I know it’s “come running home”). This is undoubtedly an emo track, based on the lyrics, but it’s also just kind of excellent, similarly complex lyrics slowed down to a comprehensible tempo and a bridge that builds in a supremely satisfying manner. The comparison to R.E.M.I.X. is of course, inevitable, and I will say the tightening up did help in some places- the very slow section at the latter part of the song probably doesn’t need to go that long, and that’s easily the part that gets sped up most in the redo. Still, the song stands out very naturally, feeling more thoughtful and controlled than its peers.
The next song is titled “Whacko Jacko Steals The Elephant Man’s Bones”, apparently a reference to…a music video where Michael Jackson danced next to a recreation of the skeleton of a famously deformed man. Yeah, ok, sure. I don’t actually have much to say about this one, it’s very scream-led, but doesn’t really stand out to me apart from the naming. It’s play rating supports this, being the second least listened track here, but it’s by no means bad. It’s just kinda long and as generic as something like this can be, I suppose. Honestly I kinda forgot all the directions this goes, some of these sections are really quite excellent, but the song is probably like 2 minutes longer than it needed to be. I’m just saying. Like I kept waiting for this song to try and change my mind and it kinda just didn’t.
Reassurance Rests in the Sea is up next, and god that little riff it’s building around, that just noodles around but at triple speed, is just so sick. It’s a song that spends a lot more time cutting itself down- like F.C.P.etc. it’s looser and slower, but substantially more disjointed than that one is. This song, uh, completely breaks off like two minutes in and just stops. And becomes a different song. Like, I don’t think this is a bonus track or anything, it’s just a part of the same song. And that second half is a really sort of chill (for this album) instrumental, lead by a bassline that slowly gets more riffs over the top of it. And then that bit stops itself, and the main song returns again for like the final half a minute or so. And honestly I was just like, wait, no, go back…….
The actual least listened to track on the album is number 9, The Adventures of Allan Gordon (it’s apparently about a book). Honestly, I’d kinda love to hear this live, because the first minute or so of it is the kind of thing you’d play as an interstitial to keep the audience going while you get your shit ready for the next song. Eventually (and I mean eventually, song’s a third through at this point) the lyrics and such come in, and yeah ok I see why this one isn’t as popular. It’s like, fine? Like, that cut back section is pretty overall mediocre, but when we get back to the screaming and the riffs and the noise its as solid as ever. It’s a little frustrating, because they can do the more lyrical stuff, F.C.P. is right there, but this one doesn’t quite make the mark for me. A shame.
Track 10 is I Just Got This Symphony Goin’, which does not have an actual symphony, but it does present and absolutely killer opening riff, so it’s not all bad. This is one of the songs I most associate with the album, even if it’s one of the ones also on Doppelganger. Its speeding up and slowing down and screaming and singing and lots of interweaving and yeah. I like it. Iunno.
The final song, What Sound Does a Mastodon Make? (I dunno, ask a paleontolgist?), is a full seven minutes, 2 minutes longer than the next longest track. It’s kind of interesting, since the second half of the album going by tracks is much much longer than the first half. It does this really fun bit where the lead guitar and rhythm guitar do their own little call and response thing, immediately followed by one of the weirdest vocal noises I’ve ever heard, and I don’t have a word to describe it, so you’re gonna have to either trust me or listen to it yourself. This song is just really, really long, man, and it goes in a lot of places but none of them are exceptional enough to really justify slogging through a total 7 minutes of it. I’m going to be honest, I’m probably not going to listen to it unless I’m going through the whole album. The extended build near the end is pretty sick, I guess? And the way the last minute just decides to, like, drop everything, and just end with a very quiet, indie-esque instrumental. Like the very “we did it, now we can relax” sort of moment. Lets both you and the band know its over, and you can move on past your energy high to something a bit more chill.
I think the best phrase I can use to describe The Fall of Troy is “ADHD music”. Both in that it feels almost a little distractable sometimes, multidirectional and often not fully resolving its lines, and also in that said lines are great if you’re someone like myself who’s brain needs something to be chewing over while the more conscious parts are trying to do something else. To be clear, I consider this a compliment. Like most music I discuss, this certainly isn’t for everyone, as you’re going to need a tolerance for adrenaline and screaming to enjoy this album, but I do think it’s worth the attempt. Now, I haven’t listened to Doppelganger (or any of the other albums for that manner) in full, so I can’t comment on how the style of The Fall of Troy would evolve over time. But at the very least, this is a very solid starting point for what would become a surprisingly long-lasting act.
4 notes · View notes