#it was a PRINCESS YEEEEEESSSS

[ventibesito]

the prince she was destined to be with wasn’t a prince at all… 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

The Corruption of Kirby

*Our scene starts in the halls of the Smash Mansion. Ness and Jeff are walking down the hallway, already in mid-conversation*

Ness: So wait, you're saying that all of Kirby's end bosses ... ARE Kirby?

Jeff: That's right. Or rather, every end boss is a potential end result for a member of Kirby's species, if not Kirby himself.

Ness: But ... how is that possible?

Jeff: Well, it IS only a theory, but there is a lot of evidence to support it. For example ...

*Jeff's voice trails off as they wander down the hall out of sight. Meanwhile, Ganondorf steps out from behind a corner, revealing that he heard everything.*

Ganondorf: Interesting ...

*Several hours later, at the League's lair*

Ganondorf: Alright gentlemen, we're putting all plans to defeat Kirby on hold for now. Our new plan: We are going to corrupt the puffball and turn him into our own unstoppable eldritch abomination to use against the heroes.

*Ganondorf slaps some files onto the table.*

Ganondorf: I've assigned each of you a task based on your personal qualifications. Get to work.

Wario: Greed

*Wario and Kirby are walking down the sidewalk when they encounter a "lost" one-hundred-dollar bill that Wario had planted earlier*

Wario: *putting his hands to his cheeks* Oh my! It seems that some poor chap has lost a hundred dollar bill! Whatever shall we do?

Kirby: Poyo?

*Kirby looks at the money, then picks up the bill and attempt to give it to Wario.*

Wario: *resisting the temptation* NO, Kirby. It's called "finder's keepers". You found the money, so you get to keep it. YOU decide what YOU want to do with it.

*Kirby contemplates this for a minute. Then he turns and dashes into a nearby candy store.*

Wario: *rubbing his hands together gleefully* Yes! Yeeeeeessss!

*Kirby exits the shop with a giant bag of candy.*

Wario: That's my boy! Wait ... where are you going?

*As he watches, Kirby bounds across the street into a nearby park, where he immediately starts giving the candy away to the children playing there*

Wario: *DOUBLE FACEPALM*

Gruntilda: Vanity/Envy

*Gruntilda has invited Kirby to her tower, where she toils away at her cauldron*

Gruntilda: Puffball, keep your ears and eyes open wide! And I'll show you how to boost your pride!

Kirby: *confused* ... poyo?

Gruntilda: Cauldron, cauldron, boiling brash, tell me who's the cutest in smash?

Dingpot: The answer to that is easy to see, nobody can out-cute Kirby!

Gruntilda: *winces* Okay, we got lucky with that first whirl, but now tell me smash's cutest girl?

Dingpot: While there's plenty competition for this space, Princess Zelda takes first place.

Gruntilda: *angry* Now listen good, you son of a bitch! Tell me who is smash's greatest witch!

Dingpot: While I grovel at your feet, both Bayonetta and Ashley have you beat.

Gruntilda: Why you cheeky little pot! Guess who's going outside to rot?

Dingpot: I d- *IS YEETED OUT THE WINDOW*

Wolf: Lust

Wolf: ... I'm not sure about this.

Bowser: What?

Wolf: This just feels very wrong. Like, somehow the universe itself is going to punish us for this.

Bowser: Just do it you pussy!

Wolf: (sigh) Fine.

*Wolf bends down and holds a magazine out to Kirby*

Wolf: Now, Kirby, this is what we call a "Girly Mag"...

*Suddenly a window crash!*

Palutena: *crashing through a window* What's going on here!?

Rosalina: *bursting through the ceiling* Who's corrupting youth in here!?

Bayonetta: *smashing down a wall* Who do I need to punish!?

Wolf & Bowser: *hugging each other and screaming like little girls*

Ridley: Wrath

Ridley: ... What exactly am I supposed to be doing here?

Ganondorf: Just do your usual thing. Show Kirby how much fun it is to kill indiscriminately or whatever.

Ridley: Okay, first off, my killing is VERY discriminate. If it weren't, I literally wouldn't have any minions.

Space Pirate: It's true!

Ridley: Secondly, have you even PLAYED a Kirby game? That boy kills more indiscriminately than anybody! He literally just devours everything in his path, friend or foe! He doesn't need lessons from anybody!

Ganondorf: I'm mostly surprised to find out that you've apparently played a Kirby game.

Ridley: I HAVE LAYERS!

K. Rool: Gluttony

K.Rool: *stares at Kirby*

Kirby: *stares back at K.Rool*

K.Rool: ...

Kirby: ...

K.Rool: Mission accomplished, I guess?

[oreo-cookies-fan]

Yeeeeeessss we DO need more Top!Martín fics!!! I used to be one of those people who thought Andrés was always the top but upon rewatching the show I started seriously questioning why I had ever thought so. I personally think he doesn’t necessarily give off those vibes in S3 and 4 (S1 and 2 with Ariadna is something else, but that’s with a woman and not a man so, that could be a difference, not in the least because of him and his misogynistic theories)

Martín, however, with the way he calls Helsinki “princess” (when he wants to leave the bank)… I hate him for that, it feels to me like he is saying that Helsi is the “woman” -and believe me, I hated writing that phrase- in their “relationship” and he considers himself to be the “man”. Same goes for the scene after the “bum bum ciao” speech - I just feel like Martín is (or at least considers himself to be) the one in control. I could be misinterpreting here (I mean, I watch with English translation and English isn’t even my first language so the meaning could be lost in translation) but that’s how I interpreted those scenes. And that led me to the conclusion that Berlermo are probably switches and that Martín definitely isn’t the one that bottoms 100% of the time… If anything, that would be Andrés (but that might be linked to the fact that I headcanon him to be a bit of a ‘pillow princess’ -is there a male term for that? Pillow prince??? ‘Princess’ sounds a bit weird to me for when talking about a man?) And of course, other people’s opinions are completely and utterly valid, but I simply for the life of me cannot fathom how people can think Martín is a twink?

Also, after the rewatch I talked about, I read a few bottom!Andrés fics for the first time and 🥵🥵🥵 Let’s say I definitely was convinced then jajaja

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, I hope it was better than Arturito’s jajajaja

By the way, them making out on a table in An Empire for You was hnnnnnnn I have no eloquent phrases for that I just really loved that and it felt very them

(Sorry it took so long to respond)

Yeah, it seems to be a pattern when it comes to Andres. People who watch the show once and don't spend hours on thinking about the characters end up thinking that Andres is the one in control all the time and that he's the manly man in the ship, meanwhile Martin is this Twink McBottom who is under his spell and just waits patiently for Andres to fuck him over and over again. (Lol, that interpretation even fucked up Pedro's and Rodri's appearance to some people. I read some fics in which Andres picks up Martin and carries him to bed and (while I understand that it's fiction and some people find it hot) I'm like ... there's no way on earth Andres is that strong). (Oh, or Martin doing stereotypical woman from a bad romance novel stuff, like always being the one who was abused during childhood, people always leave him, he always is the one to cry the most, basically he needs a strong man to pick up his pieces and put him together)

It's honestly fascinating to see people think that. It either shows the complexity of Andres and Martin or people's tendency to put stereotypical straight traits (for ex. the shorter man is actually the woman in the relationship) on queer relationships.

No one can do a worse TED thank Arturito, don't worry. And I'm glad you liked Empire ❤