#it used to not bother me as much like I didn't like it but bc I feel awkward correcting people after the first time I introduce myself
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"Rhaenyra isn't the stepmother, she's the mother who stepped up!"
The HOTD writers themselves are hardly doing anything to support that narrative, so I take this rhetoric with a grain of salt. While I think, in some way, Rhaenyra does care for Baela and Rhaena....if I had to point out a motherly figure for them that could pose as someone stepping in Laena's place, Rhaenyra would not be it.
#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd critical#rhaenyra targaryen critical#baela targaryen#rhaena targaryen#this mainly just comes from my frustration with this fandom painting rhae as overly motherly toward baela & rhaena#making it seem like we had so much to go on for her being a good stepmother when it's really the bear minimum#there's more with rhaenys being there for them than with rhae--- both physically & verbally#even with scenes where she's with them: for baela it holds more of political means with her having a dragon and then using her to see corly#like sure she could be concerned about her well-being but it's definitely not on the same level as with her sons#don't even get me started on with rhaena bc that “be a mother to them” line had me 🤬#and her referring to her sons as hers and the pain of sending them away but not adhering to rhaena's emotional needs and feelings of inferi#rity--- like it didn't sit right with me especially when she couldn't even be bothered to hug her#i like to enjoy headcanons about their relationship but the canon material doesn't stray far either#rhaenys raised baela alongside her on driftmark she sought rhaena out when they met after so long#she advocated for rhaena to her husband over joffery--- she's their grandMOTHER that stepped up tbh#tbh i wouldn't really be rocking with my stepmom if she sought after & slept with my dad at my mom & stillborn brother's funeral#barely comforted my sister and i when we were injured in a fight (only her sons)#then got married to said father not long after said funeral...like i'd be pressed tbh!#dni if you can't have a collected conversation about this#rhaenys targaryen#(also just bc im a little critical of rhae doesn't mean i hate her in comparison to others she's not that bad tbh)
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would you like to talk about how bad the mha ending was hella
as much as i would love to give like. a comprehensive response i genuinely dont think i can get my words together just yet without it being a constant unintelligble stream of 'AND ANOTHER THING-' and bc it's become quite torn in the fandom on if the chapter was good or bad i want like. an actual coherent response here. so i will reblog this if/when i can word it but know IM NOT FUCKING HAPPY
#paragraphs and paragraphs about the villains' endings alone. hawks hpsc president. midoriya's ending#the fact hero society is barely changed and the changes that do happen feel very much TELLING the reader it happened#as opposed to actually showing us how society changed on it. this is smthn ik people will argue w me about#bc yes it was a 400+ chapter manga arguably showing us how society changed but like. did it actually show that#like do u honestly think any community would watch televised battles between TEENAGERS and bad guys#and have the majority of them go 'gah! i cant help but sympathise with the bad guy who just suckerpunched child extra no.28!'#so like. why are they all suddenly on board with massive systemic reinvention. where's the rage where's the bitterness#this wasn't a story on showing the villains as redeemable and working towards society sympathising with them#and slowly painfully coming to a conclusion where japan was ready to change as a COLLECTIVE#this was a story of showing a group of redeemable villains (first step CHECK) getting DEFEATED IN BATTLE#THEY ALL FUCKING DIED EXCEPT SPINNER AND PRESUMABLY COMPRESS#WE DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO DABI AT THE END ONLY THAT HE WAS PUT IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION#HE WAS IN WHEN HE WOKE UP FROM HIS COMA AND DABI WAS BORN. 'DABI' AS A PERSONA MEANT NOTHING#we still have an abuser who didn't come to justice. we still have the corrupt government body now being led by the guy they trafficked#and abused and conditioned into the perfect soldier. do u think maybe his opinions are a little biased in regards to that gov. body#maybe. perhaps. slightly. and we still have hero charts!!!!!! every kid in the last chap is still obsessed w becoming a hero!!!!#and dont get me STARTEDDDDDDDDD on midoriya being a teacher. 'i think it's cute he finally gets a life of peace 🥺#this way he can help the next generation directly 🥺' womp to the fucking womp he was supposed to be the world's no.1 hero#he barely sees his friends anymore. 'it's realistic to adulthood!' i dont want realism in my superpowered teen and up manga#put them in the avengers mansion NOW#so as you can see i waffled regardless of saying i specifically wasn't gonna do that and some of these points bother me more than others#with some being personal I Didn't Like It and some being i genuinely truly believe it to be bad writing#but my summary is mha ultimately felt like a story where a group of individuals unlearned (eh) the beliefs of a toxic society#and tried to save the people that society failed and then they themselves DID NOT FUCKING SAVE THEM#(i have a hit on the redemption via death trope on the dark web for ten bajillion pounds)#and while yeah that isn't objectively an evil story to tell i think 1) it was done poorly#and 2) isn't what a lot of people believed the premise to be nor what i think horikoshi himself was trying to write#ask#mha spoilers#mha
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there's just something about being called (just) ace by your aroace friend even after only ever referring to yourself as aromantic
#I technically am asexual so it's not the same as if u do it to someone who's aroallo#but I never like it when I talk abt / someone talks about my asexuality without a mutual and obvious understanding that I'm aro#my aromanticism can stand on its own but my asexuality does not#& I never like using two words for my sexuality#plus‚ if you just say ''I don't do sex'' you're still expected to do romance#but if you say ''I don't do romance'' you're not expected to still do sex w/out it#so the assumption by just saying asexual is ''not aro'' and the assumption with just saying aromantic is ''ace''#so ig not specifying does kinda work out for me‚ but even if the default became assuming aroallo or (ideal) people didn't assume at all‚#that wouldn't bother me#idc if someone thinks I'm aroallo. don't know which gender(s) they'd assume I'm into‚ but it doesnt bother me so much#assuming I'm alloace is 🤢 bc of the romance repulsion#aro#aromantic#aroallo#aroace#o.
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Honestly, one thing that bothers me quite a bit is the amount of times I see people define Cas as a gay man. He isn't a man. Nor gay. He has no gender and he is bisexual. I know his love for Dean shines like the sun and blinds like it, but Cas has shown interest in women too a few times. He is a bi angel. He is the queer angel.
#the generalised use of gay as synonymous for queer wouldn't bother me so much in this case if I didn't constantly see art of Dean drapped in#a bi flag while Cas is put in a gay one and it's like 'no. they are both bi'#like if it's the rainbow flag I get it bcs it's the all-encompassing queer flag#but when they use the gay specific one I feel like screaming#castiel#dean winchester#destiel#nov 5#spn#nov 5th
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holy shit i think this past saturday was the first time in TEN ENTIRE MONTHS that i forgot to take my pills for a day
#I'VE NEVER BEEN THAT CONSISTENT BEFORE THAT'S A WILD RECORD#meds reminder app my beloved#i broke my streak BUT DAMN WAS THAT AN IMPRESSIVE STREAK!#and i took my meds yesterday i do know that#so I've only missed a single day since i started these in January#not counting the time my old psychiatrist refused to let me refill my meds in time so i had to take them every other day#bc i didn't want to run out too soon and just Stop Taking Them for a whole week so we did every other day instead#no longer seeing that entire FACILITY bc they were so fucking awful with this shit I just LEFT and my new one is much nicer#that shitty facility was the same one that trapped me in a room bc they didn't bother to make sure wheelchair users can open their doors#and i was in a fucking. windowless room with a heavy steel door and a lot of insulation bc it's supposed to be a private doctor chat room#which is honestly fucking STUPID that I'm expected to show up in person for an appointment#and then they stick me in a room to fucking VIDEO CALL the doctor#like. fucking. THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A FUCKING EMAIL#except replace email with just video call#they didn't need my vitals for anything they didn't need me there physically WHY WAS I STILL FORCED TO COME IN#JUST LET ME VIDEO CALL THE DOCTOR AT HOME LIKE. WHAT THE FUCK#and then they forgot me in the fucking call room and didn't let me out until i had my mom grab me#AND THEN THEY GOT MAD AT MY MOM FOR IT. THEY WERE LIKE 'you could've just called for us' I WAS FUCKING SCREAMING SOBBING#once i move far enough away from that facility to feel safe posting its location#I'm making a PSA post for anyone else in the area#bc holy FUCK that was awful and the fact that THAT'S the facility that our local hospital directs people to is absolutely INSANE
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I thought you had a partner. Can't you get them to hug you?
So I call them my person bc they're not technically my partner 😅 we've liked each other for years, but they don't wanna do the whole long distance thing, so we're not actually dating. And bc of the long distance thing, I can't hug them, so yeah no I have nobody I can hug 😔
#not snz#we obviously have like an open thing going on bc we're not fr dating#so if either of us find someone irl to date then that's fine#but they've been the only person I've fr liked since i met them so#like i had crushes i guess but they were more like just for fun#like i didn't actually wanna date them it was like a celebrity crush but with my friends#i got uncomfortable when i found out one of them liked me back and it immediately killed any and all interest i had in them lmao#idk why I'm like this#anyway#my person isn't really big on touch either so no hugs for me probably even if they were close enough lmao#i only have one friend irl who i consistently hang out with and she doesn't like being touched either#which is great for me for the most part bc again I'm generally touch adverse#but right now not so much#i do have one friend/coworker who's usually physically affectionate but i can't initiate or he'll think something is wrong#like no I'm just needy don't perceive me lmao#it's fine I'll just bother my rabbit and my dog and hold them lmao#it's not the same but it'll have to do
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and what if i turned in werewolf fanfiction for my assignment. what then
#because i did#it was an alpha x novia loba crossover#it was like four pages and pure garbage bc for some reason my brain said fuck you you can't write actually#but idk the assignment was like#you have two characters and one of them has limited english#and i was like okay i will use this as an excuse to practice spanish and you cannot stop me#i hope my prof knows spanish bc i didn't bother to translate those parts#(there's not much)#(kalani does most of the talking) (yapper) (affectionate)#anyways.#yeah#i'm tired
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random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently
#mar.txt#it's weird being aro(?) and yet also longing for a relationship. maybe its just bc almost all of my friends are in one#maybe it's bc of how easily jealous i get#maybe its the fact that i'm constantly being reminded that i am nobody's most important person. there's always someone more important.#maybe it's just the all-consuming,gaping hole of loneliness within me#idk.#i don't even know if i AM actually aro or if i'm just so demi that i may as well be aro or if ive just had so many bad experiences that it#feels impossible for me to feel romantic attraction#a few of my ocs (shara and the alatreon) are how i think i'd describe myself; aro,but willing to be in a relationship provided the other#person isn't bothered by them being aro,bc they have their own equivalent to romantic feelings#i know i'll never have one though. for all my confidence and whatnot i still very much am insecure about my own loveability. because the#only thing life has shown me is that i very much am not loveable. all the way back in first grade ppl were already using me instead of#actually caring#'dating' me to make someone else jealous. so they could have a drug buddie. a fuck buddie. so they could try to manipulate me into things#because i was a young teenager desperate for validation and to feel like i mattered and belonged and they were nearly adults who knew they#could exploit that. i'm surprised i never had anything happen to me beyond being pressured into trying chew tobacco (awful and disgusting)#and doing it every time i was around my 'boyfriend' and his friends#the only two genuine relationships i had didn't last either; one lost feelings after three years and the other just sorta stopped talking to#me and iirc eventually picked up a boyfriend that was actually local instead of long distance#i am not worthy of love. i will never be loved in the way that my friends are. hell i won't ever even find a qpp(?). and that makes me sad.#to know i will always be alone. that i'm destined to die alone. but it is what it is i guess. i just wish it didn't bother me so much.#i wish i could be content in my loneliness and not be jealous of everyone around me. i wish i could accept that i will never be anybody's#most important person. that the only person i can or will ever be the most important to is myself. self love,yeah? ha.#maybe 2024 will have something in store for me. god i hope it does. but i doubt it will. more of my friends will get into relationships,#those already in them will stay in them and/or take a step forward in their relationship. and i will remain alone. just as i always have.#anyways. sorry vent over i'm just. ugh. upset today. emotions are stupid and i want a refund on them. i did not ask to be saddled with the#burden of feeling such intense,suffocating displacement and loneliness. i did not ask to feel these negative emotions so strongly.#i just want to be someone's most important person. i just want to matter.
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it's absolutely fascinating the way minds work to me.
#i was throwing up earlier and going 'welp if that really is blood then im screwed anyway so i won't bother saying anything to anyone'#and it didn't bother me in the least. i assume it wasn't blood because if it was that amount and colour would have been a medical emergency#but it did not bother me the possibility that it was. idk what was causing that colour but i assume it wasn't blood or id probably be dead#and or having unmistakeable symptoms.#but i feel like this kind of thing should bother me! and it didn't#like it was very much could-have-been because it was also hurting like the dickens#(unsurprising; i have an awful throat at the moment)#tw ed#personal#puddleglum hours#i legit told my brother 'im gonna go shower to hopefully help my throat bc steam and all that' when i was straight up using it as an excuse#to go and throw up most of my lunch#(it hurt too bad to throw up everything so hey. call that self care.#anyway. in a way i find myself amusing.#please note i am actually fine: and also i can stop myself whenever i want.#it doesn't hurt me
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I don't want to solely blame swifties for this bc reading comprehension is piss poor across the board, but the particular attitude her fans have fostered towards music where songs are coded messages you have to crack to figure out exactly who/what the singer is talking about is genuinely thee most annoying thing in the world
#idk if im just misremembering but i feel like this didn't used to be a widespread thing#and like. it's annoying enough when people do that with her music but now it's like leaked into the public consciousness and its everywhere#songs aren't a puzzle for you to figure out who specifically the songwriter is mad at! its a work of art not a secret code! don't only pay#attention to lyrics as a way of digging into their personal life! knowing who the song is about is not the same as understanding/engaging#with it as a work of art!#also like...it's about what it's saying not who it's saying it about#idk its just a huge disservice to songwriting as an artistic medium and it bothers me so much#not tagging bc i don't want to get murdered
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love random not even logged in readers just dropping their 'constructive criticism' on your 100k+ story that you're putting online entirely for free. this is just a rant btw
"You obviously have a great talent and I think you should work on honing it some. As much as I’ve enjoyed the story, there are a few things that stand out that you might consider looking at. I feel like the story isn’t sure what it wants to be at times; is it character driven or plot driven? It doesn’t flow smoothly because sometimes we have these wonderful character vignettes, like Illumi and Kalluto on a road trip or Kite/Leorio/Gon/Killua in an apartment where plot doesn’t really feel important, followed by what feels like heavily plot driven beats, like Kalluto and the spiders. In addition, it contributes to confusion because sometimes we see established characterization turned on its head. Especially the weird way everyone all of a sudden just sort of was OK with Kalluto being a spider and then working with Illumi when they just went to all that trouble to escape him? It all kind of feels forced and not natural. You know?
Anyway, I’ll definitely keep reading and look forward to seeing what happens."
first: love you trying to sound legitimate with your "in addition" like this is some kind of writer's workshop. second: in what way would I, the writer, think that an incomplete part of my story in which the reader does not yet know most of the main motivations (they are only hinted at so far) feels forced and not natural when I know what's happening, where it is going (and where I haven't had other readers comment with confusion about that part)
and moving on. don't do this. also like i said this is a wip in and no, no one is cool with Kalluto being a spider and no they're not cool working with Illumi, really. it was already established that some of them /have/ been working with Illumi before this~ he's someone that they know. like have you never been in a seriously dangerous situation that you just have to get through before you get back to what you want?*** also at this point Chrollo's real motive hasn't been entirely revealed.
Killua keeps changing his mind about what he's doing because he's a scared kid whose self-hatred is destroying him from the inside out. the POV is so tight that I have to keep dropping reminders that what is stated in the narrative is often not true! Illumi's POV, for example, keeps showing Killua as really loving him and being happy he's around but struggling with a desire for freedom, while with Killua's POV he's terrified of Illumi most of the time. like how is that not obviously a distorted POV where you can't trust the narrator?
"where plot doesn’t really feel important, followed by what feels like heavily plot driven beats"
this part is especially irritating because it's like yeah that's how I want to write it? this isn't a published novel. I don't have to commit to making sure every scene is important to the plot. I can spend time writing a full scene about someone drinking a glass of water and then 13 chapters in a row that are for moving the plot forward. I didn't even tag it as a novel... I did tag it for unreliable narration and I keep getting annoyed that people keep ignoring that.
"I feel like the story isn’t sure what it wants to be at times; is it character driven or plot driven?"
it's both??? it's neither??? it's a fanfic??? why do I keep getting comments lately where people are expecting me to adhere to like fucking publishing standards. this keeps up and I will write a chapter which is entirely about a minor character drinking a glass of water. watch me. I'll write one about phinks drinking a glass of water and you'll like it*
"Overall, the story is good and presented a compelling alternative to CA. Look, each fan has their own opinion on CA and I know I didn’t like it. I think it was a product of what Togashi was going through as he began to experience health issues and then finding himself right back where he said he wasn’t going to be mentally after he ended his earlier manga. We can never know for sure, but it certainly had a “watch it all burn vibe” to it near the end. I honestly believe he wanted it to end with the finality of Gon’s suicide as a capstone statement, but was probably convinced to go a different route, which kinda of left a jarring feel in the narrative and culminated in a rather unsatisfying end to Gon and Killua’s journey. Despite that, I am very reluctant to read fics where the events of CA are erased or grossly modified and honestly yours is really the first long AU/alternate timeline I’ve enjoyed"
okay first of all, I love the CA arc. but I had to split a point off where Kite was going to survive. why do you have to leave this whole paragraph about how you think Togashi was or wasn't going to go with the CA on my fanfic? I didn't even write this as 'oh look at my alternative to CA bc I hated CA' I don't really look forward to hearing comments about how random people didn't like so and so aspect of the story that I'm basing my story off of. I've never written fanfic for a story that I didn't like (except for some things that I don't have published I wrote at a request for friends for a fandom they were into that I wasn't really) and yeah I've wanted to 'fix' aspects (like tolkien's treatment of women for example) but I am not looking for your 'this is what I hated about the source material' comments on my stories
tired of getting comments with little 'oh I didn't like your style at first but now I do' or 'here's how to fix your story!' unsolicited advice from people who aren't better writers than me (I don't even want it from people who would be better writers than me on stuff I'm just doing for fun and for free)
when did stuff like this become normal? at least don't be a coward and be not logged in so you can't even get a response notification. like girl they aren't cool with it! why do you think everyone is on guard standing around like they're in a fucking hostage situation? how do you see such wildly different interpretations from different character's POVs and think it's not intentional? what part about Kite watching Killua like a fucking hawk makes you think he's going to let Illumi take him after this?
like if you've never had to smile and pretend to be cool with your abuser (pretend to love them) or someone who was threatening you to keep someone else safe then good for you! it fucking sucks! also don't know how to explain to you what a child who is growing up in an extremely isolated abusive situation goes through (though I keep writing about it in this story you should catch on...) but it's a million back and forths with emotion and feelings--especially if their abuser does (to in some way or to some degree) love them. and it is often blaming themselves. I'm not letting my years of studying human psychology and child development go to waste here**
is this story perfect? no but I'm not gonna hire an editor for a fanfic. and everyone's interpretations of characters will be different. especially with child characters who are going through huge changes in the world around them and their personal lives. part of the appeal of fanfiction is 'who would they become if this happened instead?' *sorry I keep writing about starving and not having clean drinking water but I will never stop because that's what I grew up with and it's hell. also phinks drinking water would be compelling since I assume he'd have harder access to clean drinking water
**hunter x hunter is also one of the only stories I have encountered with characters who have backgrounds as fucked up as mine and Togashi's interest in human psychology really stands out.
***like good for you but that was most of my life and you sometimes just have to shut up and get through it. and no I will not put my notes in the right order bc I'm not being paid enough****
****I'm being paid nothing
#sorry i got one too many comments that irritated me#feel free to chime in if you're getting comments like this too#it's been really getting on my nerves lately#and making me not want to post anything#you're not my teacher or editor#and i don't use a beta reader bc i'd never post anything#if i had to think of it as work and not just for me#i already do writing for work where i have to really consider the reader#i also didn't like one commenter pointing out typos#i'll catch them at some point#they were like great chapter! here's all the mistakes i saw#so download the story and fix them yourself if they bother you so much you have to run through and do line edits#if you don't want typos i'd have to wait two to three months so the story looked fresh#to catch them before posting and i'm not doing that#you can think this sounds bitchy but writing is hours and hours of work#i could jot down five sentences just for myself and have a story for years just remembering what i was thinking when i wrote those#you want a perfectly edited story? then go read a professionally published book#oh i guess that's not good enough for you either#okay now i am being bitchy but in my defense#i'm not forcing them to read it
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openly weeping at the idea of someone genuinely hating soul punk.
#like it makes sense obviously that people would. i guess. but i thought most people who didn't like it just didn't like#it because they didn't like patrick all that much or it was too different or they were just upset about fob's hiatus.#like idk i feel like calling patrick's lyricism bad is a little unfair.#like not to compare 2 bad bitches but he's right there. so pete writes comparatively just as cheesy lyrics.#i like that. don't get me wrong. 'cheesy' as a compliment. but like. patrick's lyrics r 2 cheesy 4 u? the fob fan?#like yes he uses a fash buzzphrase in 'dance miserable.' but i am almost certain he didn't think through the implications of it#and 'people never done a good thing' has like. weird liberal ableism in it. but that one was a bonus track and once again reads#very much like something he just. didn't think about very hard. still bad. but it's better than him doing it on purpose.#especially given how much of soul punk actually is actively trying very hard 2 be progressive and the former within the context of the song#reads more as overly cynical than like. actually fash. but he should've phrased it in a non fash-y way. yes.#it reminds me of the 'manifest destiny' line in 'high hopes' by panic actually.#like that's a buzzphrase that they totally didn't think through at all and that's. bad. really bad.#but it's also kinda funny given how liberal democrat these bands and ppl tend to try to come off.#like nobody caught that in 'high hopes?' all those writers in the room and nobody caught that?#was it like a 'maybe someone else will say something' '*crickets*' kinda sitch on that one bc. lol. lmao even.#i hope the white liberal guilt sits with them on that one.#but i digress. soul punk. that's two songs (including one bonus track) with a questionable lyric each.#otherwise both perfectly fine songs.#that being said yeah. sometimes the cynical liberal stuff grates on even me a little at times. like i feel it i really do and i think#patrick makes some important points but it's so bitter. even when he's writing *more about relationships it's just like damn dude.#(*asterisk because everything is political.)#AND I GET WHY. obviously. patrick is just like that a little bit and he was Going Through It. more relevant on truant wave tbh#because i think that mindset works better on soul punk.#i could understand the cynicism maybe tanking somebody's opinion of soul punk but it doesn't really bother me enough to alter my score.#also i understand it's the best song on the album but idk about ppl saying cryptozoology as a single. doesn't totally defeat#the purpose of the song and it would've also been powerful as a single#but it's just such a beautiful Fuck You to have it as a hidden track.#patrick stump#myevilposts
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I can understand having a preference for one type of pet over another, for a wide variety of reasons (e.g. allergies, what goes in to taking care of them, your lifestyle, etc) but I'll never understand people who hate a certain type of pet. Like self-professed cat people who say they hate dogs, or vice versa. I've had dogs my entire life, and I consider myself a dog person, but I do like cats, too. Why wouldn't I? They're soft and cute and do funny things sometimes. Even when it comes to pets that I don't find as interesting, like fish, I don't hate them. And even ones I'm legitimately scared of, like tarantulas . . . again, I don't hate them, I'm just afraid of them, just like I'm afraid of all arachnids. It's an irrational fear, but it's one deeply ingrained in me nonetheless.
Anyway.
I just don't understand when people are like "I hate cats" or "I hate dogs" . . . how can you hate an entire species of animal? Being allergic or afraid, okay, I can understand that. Even if I don't understand being afraid because you've been attacked before (I have been severely bitten by dogs and severely scratched up by cats), I'm afraid of arachnids even though I can't remember the last time I had a spider bite, so you know, fears are fears, you can't control them. But hate? I just don't understand it, man. Hate an individual animal, sure. Just like humans, individual dogs or cats can have bad temperaments and behaviors. But a whole species? When most of the individual animals in those species are so easily befriended? It just makes no sense to me. Again, I get having a preference for one pet over another, especially if the needs of one animal suit your lifestyle while the needs of another don't. But to hate a whole species . . . I will never understand.
#again i get phobias or traumas etc#like for instance i have trauma surrounding ants and roaches so if i see even ONE in my house it can trigger a panic attack#but that's a bit different than companion animals too - not that those can't be pets but like. idk.#i mean i DO know it's just . . . it's a little more understandable to me if someone has a problem with insects#versus if they have a problem with companion animals that are meant to be companion animals. but even then it's like#ok. i used to say ''i hate frogs and toads'' which might make me seem a hypocrite#but the truth is that i don't hate REAL frogs and toads. i hate ANIMATED / CARTOON ones#bc when the alt right was using pepe so much years ago my brain linked the two together & so even tho i know pepe's creator renounced them#the sight of him still makes me a little nauseous and it spread toward other frogs#(i also hate Greninja in particular for 1.) being gross and 2.) the behavior of Ash stans but that's another matter)#POINT IS - even with that distinction i never hated a whole species of animal. i just don't get that. even wasps i know DO have a purpose#and i never go out of my way to bother them. in fact i used to work in a house where they had an entire room of the house to themselves#we just didn't mess w/ them. but that's off-topic again#i just. idk. i consider myself a dog person but cats are also great#i just love animals. even the ones i'm afraid of i wish i could like#(and to be fair i do like some i'm healthily afraid of. like i love bears but if i saw a grizzly or polar bear coming for me)#(i would probably piss myself LMAO. i love them from a distance.)#anyway. animals are great. i love animals. more people should give animals a chance to be loved
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Sex scenes don't bother me as much as kiss scenes. When the characters are making out in a way that indicates it will lead to sex, I'd scream at the screen "Just take off your pants and start grinding under the covers already!" because I cannot watch them mash their mouths together for another second.
That being said, I'm not a huge fan of sex scenes because firstly—I can't take the movements seriously, and if there's sound effects, there's also a high chance of me laughing. Secondly, the squishiness of the human body is another thing I can't take seriously. When I first watched the Only Friends trailer, and I saw that scene where Sand thumbs Ray's tattoo, I thought it was a butt tattoo because of the way the skin bounced in slow-motion, but no, it's actually a hip tattoo; the human skin is just that springy on every part of the body. While everyone was going crazy because of the tattoo-touch, I'm laughing because the bounce was so pronounced.
Basically, kiss scenes ick me out while sex scenes are comedy.
omg that sounds like such a fun way to experience sex scenes tho!! i wish my reaction was more like that rather than convulsion. i'd much rather experience a comedy show tbh dfjkkdgj
also interesting point you bring up about the human body being so squishy. i never really thought about it but yeah. human bodies are just so weird?????? actually, only the other week i was talking with another friend (who's likely also ace-spec) about just how humans (and tbh even animals) will just have things dangling from them?? whether it be genitalia or boobs or whatever. like, those body parts are just... hanging there?? and technically even your arms but at least you can control those. meanwhile my boobs will just bounce depening on what movements i make and i can't control them and they're just hanging from my chest while i go about my life. like, why?? i want dog boobs where you mostly have just the nipples and they only really get big when i have an actual child to feed (i know human breasts also swell when they fill with milk during a pregnancy, but why do i have to have two balls of meat hanging from my chest even when i'm not pregnant?? who thought of this design??). coming back to your point of the human body being so squishy and actually yeah, i'm realizing now that i can't take it seriously when people talk about how hot boobs are precicely because boobs are so squishy and also so wobbly and just. how is this not funny to people? dkdfjdjfk
and lmao i remember everyone going crazy over the tattoo!!!!! i realized right away that it's on the hip but maybe that was bc i remembered the placement of it from the eclipse. which is also why that scene didn't make me laugh, i was actually too busy trying to read what it said bc in the eclipse we never got to see that tattoo up close enough in order to be able to read it. so while everyone was freaking out i was just sitting in my corner like "omg so the tattoo says 'beautiful'???" i'd been wondering about it for a year ever since the eclipse, so i was just excited to finally know what it says bc i'm a nosy ass bitch lmao
anyway, i love hearing about your experiences. it's so fascinating how varied the ace experience can be and how specific things affect everyone differently. and i think it's also cool to hear what things other ace people pick up/focus on while the allosexuals are busy drooling over whatever is happening on screen dkjkdkjg
the kissing... idk, i can't tell you why it doesn't actually bother me that much or why i might even enjoy it. although i do have to say, the act of kissing does look extremely weird. sometimes (usually during longer kiss/make-out scenes) i'll be sitting there and suddenly it'll hit me that "actually kissing looks SO strange, whose idea was it for kissing to be a thing??"
sometimes in my head the kissing just conjurs up the image of a fish opening and closing it's mouth, like so:
except, you know, kissing involves two people so in reality it's more like:
#i hope you don't mind that i'm publishing this on my blog again!#i'm just thinking it might be interesting for other people as well to read about our varied experiences#do let me know if you want me to go private (or just hop straight into my dms <3)#asks#actually a random memory popped into my head while i was writing this#remember how in my other reply i said kiss scenes sometimes bore me?#actually in the first and only relationship i've been in i actually would sometimes pretend to be asleep#(even though i struggle with sleeping and can fall asleep during the day ONLY when i'm sick or under a serious lack of sleep)#i pretended to be asleep to avoid my then-bf turning the cuddling session into a make-out session#bc making-out just bored me so much as an activity lmao#(it didn't necesserily bother me or gross me out but yeah i just thought it was insanely boring)#(i still went along with it the way you'd sit through your friend's fave movie even tho you personally find it super dull)#(bc i didn't have the heart to tell him i wasn't all that into it dkfjkdg)#(actually he once made a comment how ''the two of us couldn't go a day without kissing each other!!'' and out loud i agreed#but in my head i was like ''oh i EASILY could 🤭🤭🤭'')#(again i didn't say the truth bc he was a really sweet guy and i just didn't want him to feel upset at my lack of enthusiasm about him)#to this day i have no idea if the guy was the problem bc i didn't have strong enough feelings for it or if it was bc of my asexuality#i didn't know about asexuality back then but if i'd known i might have figured it out right then and there that i was ace lmao#(it took another 2 years until i got there)
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another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie
#and it's the real thing not even a knockoff#kinda surprised they still exist#but also not surprised bc Blanket. blanket is universal#i just remember a lot of those As Seen On Tv ads like. imploding within 5 years#they still do As Seen On Tv products like there are still boxes marked with that logo it almost feels wrong like an ancient relic#bc most like. ubiquitous 2000s brands from my childhood are just Gone or at least so fundamentally changed it's not the same thing#heard about like 50 more companies going bankrupt probably in the last year alone#anyway ive always wanted a snuggie it's one of those Always Wanted things that never go away#others include: staples easy button (obtained!); mini fridge (not); pillow pet (i had a knockoff once); power drill (not)#i spent a surprising amount of my childhood actually going out of my way to buy stuff i could use in my own apartment in the future#i grew up lower middle class and then just lower class#so like. i always Knew i couldn't just furnish the whole apartment at once i Knew I'd have to build stuff up over time#also bc when my sister got kicked out she had like. nothing. in her trailer. and i did not want to have nothing#i knew if dad was willing to just toss out my sister like that i would absolutely follow suit#and i did! two years younger than my sister when she was!#it just happened that my mom didn't want me homeless at FOURTEEN when i legally could not work for two more years#so she went with me and we lived with my grandma#so take that dad. turns out throwing family members out willy nilly makes the rest of your family not trust you or like you!#and now i get to rub it in his face that HE can't function in a house by himself and still needs to beg my mom to clean up after him#bc i spent so much of my childhood getting berated and called lazy for not doing chores#getting told stuff like 'you have to function by yourself your parents can't always pick up after you'#and then he's literally useless without his wife#he's not disabled and he's not neurodivergent he's never even had a serious health scare he just doesn't bother to learn how to clean#his excuse is that he doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer (it has been almost ten years fucker. learn)#or he doesn't know which cleaning products to use (you have google and a library card. LOOK IT UP)#he's the only person i get mad at for this behaviour bc he's a fucking hypocrite and a child abuser about it too#he is the exception to my rule of everyone needs to be given the space to get things done where they're able and deserve help when needed#and I'll bend over backwards to make excuses for other people so i DONT exclude them from my rule i will try to find every good reason first#he has no fucking excuse though he made two teenagers nearly homeless bc he thought we were too lazy and then he's even worse
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Pacing back and forth rapidly rambling to my parents like a mad man trying to figure out whether or not I experienced sexism at film school today or if these guys are just assholes in a different way
#ramblings of a lunatic#like they made a couple comments about how one woman in the department (who's always stressed bc she has a busy job)-#-clearly doesn't ''like guys'' and gave them the wrong equipment to set them up for failure (??? okay???)#and proceeded to organise things so that. none of the other members (who were all girls and here's where i can't tell if it's coincidence)#-had ANYTHING to do on set. like didn't ask them to set up tripods (we all went to thr class where you learn to set up tripods...)#didn't ask them even to hold things or plug things in (they did ask me but only bc i spoke up and volunteered multiple times)#didn't even really talk to us much bc they were off in their own world setting up equipment (that we didn't need btw)#and i can't tell if they were just really focused or being exclusionary!#and i don't think there's a clear answer to any of this. if it did happen it's almost definitely unintentional.#it might've just been bad optics. again unintentional. and i don't know how the other girls felt or if they were bothered#so i can't claim to speak to collective experience#I'm just. I'M JUST PACING WONDERING IF I'M CRAZY#also i told them the one day i was available was today and they showed up and proceeded to have nothing for me (or any of the girls) to do#and now i don't even know what i could do. maybe ask the editor if they want an edit assist bc that's one of the roles#siiighhhh#also feel it's important to mention that one of the guys was on the autism spectrum#so i can't tell how much of it was exclusion bc he thinks he's the only one competent enough to do these tasks (and that coincidentally-#-the only other guy in the group is also the only one competent enough to help him)#or if he was just having a relatable social ineptitude moment where he didn't realise the rest of us felt useless and excluded#and i don't know how much that context effects the end result BC I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WAS REAL OR IF I'M JUST A HASHTAG FEMINAZI SJW LIB#UGH#(use of the word feminazi was ironic parody of the way sexists speak pls pls pls don't think i ever talk like that irl)
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