#it took me forever to load every picture

[versairic]

First vacation together | MV1

In which Max and you spend your first vacation together

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THE FIRST vacation together should be the one you remember forever.

The one you look back on with a smile and start to feel the butterflies coming up.

The vacation that you take loads of cheesy pictures of and stick them in a photo album to look back on years later.

Max and your first vacation together took you to St Tropez. Not too far from Monaco, your short vacation together should provide a few relaxing days, as Max is still in the middle of the Formula 1 season.

The Dutchman wants to spend the week's break he has before the Spanish Grand Prix with you on the beach, lying lazily on a lounger together and looking out over the water.

It should be the perfect getaway, where it's just the two of you and Max can spend a few days with his girlfriend to recharge his batteries for the next weekend.

"Are you ready for the beach? " Smiling, you lean your back against the wooden door frame and watch your friend apply the last of the sun cream to his skin.

Since the Dutchman, unlike you, has really pale skin, you've literally forced him to slather himself with sun cream so that he doesn't look like a crab at the end of the day.

" I just have to pack my towel. "

Max rubs the last of the white sticky cream on his arm before washing his hands.

"Nope, I've already done that, " you reply with a grin and pick up the light blue beach bag to show him once again that you've already thought of everything.

"You're in a hurry to get to the beach, huh? " he adds as he turns around and walks towards you. He stops in front of you and presses a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

"Oh, yes. But I don't think you can blame me, can you? After all, I only have a few intense days with my boyfriend where he's just mine until I have to share him again. "

The smile that creeps onto your lips only remains firm with difficulty. Because it's anything but easy to see your boyfriend so rarely.

Of course, you had already realized during your dating days that it wouldn't be easy to date a racing driver who flew around the world more than he was at home.

On the odd weekend, you were there live from time to time to support him on site. But your job as a florist didn't always allow for this, as you had to work every now and then, even at the weekend, when Max was sitting in his car and literally flying around the track.

But the rest of the days when you sleep alone in your bed in the apartment in Monaco, you miss your boyfriend especially.

Waking up or having breakfast together only comes into question on days off or during the summer and winter break, as well as a few other things that are standard for other couples.

But you enjoy these things, which are normal for other couples, even more intensely. And even the anticipation of embracing his partner again is twice as great.

" I can't blame you, no. Because I feel the same way," smiles the Dutchman, taking the beach bag from you and casually swinging it over his shoulder, his free right hand reaching for yours to intertwine your fingers.

And so you leave the bungalow hand in hand, which has a small pool and you can see the sea from afar, so you only have to walk twenty meters through the white sand to reach the beach.

If someone were to ask you what paradise is for you, you would probably answer 'This'.

While the waves crash softly in the background and every now and then a small wave gently laps against the shore, you make yourself comfortable on one of the deckchairs.

Your hands keep running through the thick hair of the Dutchman, who has laid his head in your lap and is dozing lightly.

You can still see the odd drop of water on his bare chest that the sun hasn't yet managed to dry.

After your short swim in the cool water - where you've frolicked more than anything else - you've been drawn back to the sun lounger, where you're now enjoying each other's company in the shade.

The beach is quite crowded, so the sound of children's laughter or the babble of voices carries over to you, but it doesn't bother you in the slightest.

"Hmm, this is so great," Max mumbles with his eyes closed in pleasure as your hand runs through his hair again and again.

The sun's rays have caused countless blonde strands to form in Max's hair, making it partially shiny in the sun.

His bare skin has also become a little more colorful, so you're sure he'll notice the difference in the next few days.

"I think so, but don't you dare fall asleep," you smile as your hand begins to run through his hair a little more slowly.

Some of the brunette strands are already sticking up on his head and you are sure that Max's hair will be a complete mess when you take your hand out of it.

"I won't, I promise," he yawns as he crosses his arms in front of his chest and pulls his legs a little closer to curl up slightly.

As he lies there, he has almost assumed an embryo position, which looks really cute, so you have to stifle a quiet 'Aww'.

As your left hand continues to run through his hair and Max's eyes remain closed, you take the opportunity to reach for your cell phone and take a photo of him.

However, you forget that you haven't set your phone to silent and as you take a photo, your phone starts to betray you, causing the Dutchman to open his eyes and lift his head so that your hand slips out of his hair.

"Did you take a photo of me? " he asks with mock indignation as he slowly sits up and looks at you.

A soft giggle leaves your lips. Max's hair is sticking out wildly from his head in all directions, so you can't really take your friend seriously.

"What's so funny? " he adds with a furrowed brow. "Are you trying to distract from the topic? "

"No, but your hair...". you continue to giggle and open the selfie camera on your phone to show him his hair.

But before you can hold the phone in front of him, Max has already taken your phone from you with the words "Wait a minute" and thrown it carelessly onto the couch next to you.

Before you can react, Max jumps up from the lounger and shortly afterwards he has already thrown you over his shoulder, eliciting a not-so-quiet and startled shriek from you.

"Max what - ", you start, but are interrupted as the Dutchman begins to run zigzag through the sand with the words " Ah! Hot ", which elicits another giggle from you.

But when Max starts to run through the water instead of the sand a few meters later, the giggles literally get stuck in your throat because you know exactly what he's up to.

"Noooo! Max stop! " You literally shriek as you start to prick his back with your fingers in the hope that the Dutchman will stop.

But that doesn't seem to do any good, as Max runs deeper and deeper into the water, so that a short time later his hips are covered in water and you put your hands up in the air so that they don't get touched by the cool water.

"Put me down ", you whine sulkily as Max stops.

"Are you sure? ", he raked.

You nod. "Yes."

But that was a mistake. Max's arms loosen around your body and shortly afterwards you sink into the cool water so that your whole body is enveloped by the water and you suddenly feel weightless as your body sinks slightly.

Underwater, you open your eyes in shock for a few seconds and start to flail your arms in panic until you realize that you can swim.

As your feet touch the bottom, you push off slightly in the sand and start to row with your arms to get back to the surface, where your friend is standing there grinning and just looking at you.

"You'll get that back, Verstappen! " you growl slightly, but start to grin shortly afterwards as Max begins to run through the water - which doesn't turn out to be all that easy - so that he starts to swim shortly afterwards.

You quickly start moving too and use all your strength to swim a little faster to reach your friend.

However, a gap quickly forms between you, as Max is a lot faster than you. But that's no reason for you to give up.

" What's the matter? Are you giving up yet? " Max calls to you with a grin as he floats in the water and turns his head back over his shoulder.

This is clearly a mistake, because you use this moment to gather the last of your strength and swim over to him.

A few meters in front of him, you dive underwater and shortly afterwards pull on the Dutchman's feet so that he goes under too.

Laughing, you surface and swim over to the shore to escape from Max.

But once again you misjudge yourself, as the Dutchman has already surfaced again and his strong arms wrap around your hips shortly afterwards and pull you close to him.

"You think you can just run away, don't you? " he breathes into your ear, causing goose bumps to spread over your body.

" It.., it was worth a try," you stammer, slightly flustered, as Max begins to place feather-light kisses on your shoulder.

"I'm freaking you out, huh? " he breathes between the countless kisses that he spreads on your shoulder and slowly kisses his way up to your neck.

Unable to say anything, you just start nodding.

"Say it, " he breathes.

"Y-you're upsetting me. " The words leave your mouth in a stammer as you spin around and look into Max's blue eyes, which slowly begin to fill with lust.

A smile forms on his full lips as his hands move up to your hips, where they find their place and he pulls you a little closer to him, so that you wrap your legs around his hips and clearly begin to feel that this doesn't exactly leave him cold either.

"That was my goal, " he breathes against your lips before he places his lips on yours and begins to kiss you intensely.

During the kiss, which tastes like a hint of seawater and lust, your heart begins to leap in his chest.

Your hands move up into his wet hair, where they intertwine and your body presses a little closer to the Dutchman's, causing him to let out a small gasp.

"You're driving me so crazy," he mumbles against your lips as he pulls away from you slightly. " We should go back to the bungalow and continue there. "

"That's a good idea, " you breathe against his lips as you feel Max slowly fight his way through the waves to the shore and carry you over to the bungalow, almost running.

And neither of you care that your towels and a few of your valuables are still lying on the loungers.

As Max carries you over to the balcony door of the bungalow, your lips begin to spread light kisses on the soft skin of his neck, causing the Dutchman to gasp softly.

With his foot, he deftly opens the balcony door that you had left ajar and shortly afterwards pushes it shut again behind him, so that it closes with a slight thud.

But neither of you pays much attention to the sound.

Shortly afterwards, you find yourself on the bed, Max bent over you as he begins to spread countless kisses over your half-naked body.

And so you give yourself completely to your boyfriend to take your relationship one step further for the first time.

Exhausted and out of breath, you snuggle into Max's arms, which he wraps around you and pulls you as close to him as possible.

You carefully rest your head on his chest so that you can clearly hear his heart beating a little faster.

"That was..." Max starts the sentence out of breath.

"Unbelievable," you finish the sentence with a grin as you bury the tip of your nose in Max's chest, which smells of sweat, salt water and Max.

You couldn't have imagined your first time with Max any better. Because today was really perfect and much better than you had imagined.

"Just as incredible as you," the Dutchman breathes as he rests his head on yours and your eyes start to flutter sleepily.

But before you can say anything back, your eyes close and you fall into a happy but dreamless sleep.

[the-nameless-poet]

Picture with Prongs.

Summery : You ask James Potter, who is your boyfriend to help you win in a not so sirius sibling rivalry. Muggleborn!reader.

Pairings : James Potter x reader

You and your sister had a cute sibling rivalry going on between you, where you send the pictures of your adventures every week and decide who had more interesting week than the other.

It was a way for you and your sister to stay bonded and stay updated on everything going on in each other's lives. Even though she's roll her eyes at all the wizard stuff you told her you knew that she'd run up to your room and get comfortable on your bed and ask all the questions about the wizarding world. She was only a minute and a half younger than you, she was practically your bestfriend. You even took James 'round your house to meet your family this summer. And your sister and him had loads of fun teasing you and roasting you about your clumsiness and dramatic attitude.

You loved both of them and seeing them bond like that made you feel not so bad about them teasing you. And then you both decided to set up a double date and you, James, your sister and her boyfriend went to a cute cafè that you both loved and had a really great time.

Coming back to present, you were holding a Polaroid that your sister sent you of her and an extremely adorable golden retriever. To say you envied her was an understatement but to top that so you can win this week's 'adventures of L/N girls' and get your picture in the 'babes through years' photo album. Cause you've been losing since last 4 weeks! And that is unacceptable! Your mum and dad sent you a letter expressing their 'disappointment' about the fact that you've gone down to the boring alley and their 'concern' that you won't ever be back and they'll loose their oldest daughter forever. Oh the blasphemy!!!!

"Hey, bub! What you thinking about, love?" Your thoughts were interrupted by James sitting beside you and kissing your temple.

"Nothing. Just thinking about how I'll top this week's 'adventures of L/N girls'." You let out a loud sigh. And handed him the Polaroid picture.

"Awhh, that's adorable." You smacked the back of his head.

"Sorry...You know you can just send her a picture of you with Hagrid. I'm pretty sure that'll be adventurous enough. Meeting a half giant." He said while serving himself a plate of the dinner served on the gryffindor house table.

"No. I can't. She knows Hagrid. Think something better James!" You smacked his arm this time.

"Stop hitting me, woman! I'm already yours. No need to hit on me." He winked at you.

"Jamie..." You stretched his name with a whine.

"Wingardium laviōsa somebody's arse up and take a picture. I'm sure a flying human will please her." He said nonchalantly and took a bite from his plate.

"Already did." You grumbled. He almost spit his food out.

"When!? Who!?" He exclaimed.

"4th year. Sirius." He let out a loud laugh.

"Oh, darling, I love you so bloody much!" He let out a loud giggle.

"I know it was pretty amazing but that's not the point here. I've gotta out do her this time. She's been winning for past four weeks." You pouted.

"Yeah well, let's just think for a while."

"Think about what?" Sirius asked as him, Remus and Peter sat down.

"She needs an idea to win this week's 'adventures of the L/N girls'" James informed them.

"Oh the pictures are here? Show me." Sirius clapped his hands together.

You gave the picture to him and he awed loudly.

"Alright, it's taking a lot in me to say this but that's the most adorable pup I've ever seen." Sirius gushed over the picture and you just banged your head on the table.

"Yeah, there is no chance you can win this week. Try next time maybe." Remus teased while piling up his plate with chicken and gravy.

"ughhh!" You let out a low groan and stared at nothing in perticular while thinking about how you can win this week. Then an idea suddenly popped into your brain making a light bulb go off.

"I know how I can win this week. Oh I'm such a genius." You wore a pretty smile on your face. You were quite proud of yourself for thinking it.

"Well, care to share it with the class?" James said while taking a bite of his chicken.

"Yeah. You see once my sister told me that she always wanted to get a picture taken while standing next to a deer. When she was a kid she used to love Bambi and she still does. So, my dear Jamie can you please, pretty please take a picture with me." You batted your eyelashes at him while making the best puppy eyes you could.

"No." To say you were shocked was an understatement. James never says no to you.

"Why?" You asked with a heavy frown.

"I'm not some kind of patting zoo animal!" He exclaimed with a blush on his face. You quickly picked up on the fact that he was shy and embarrassed of getting a picture taken in his animagus form.

"Why!?"

"Because it's... Weird... I just don't like the idea of it. Sweetie you know I'd do anything you'd ask me to. But not this. Please." His eyebrows were furrowed.

"But Jamie then I won't win." You said with a big pout and puppy eyes.

"I know doe but just not this one, okay?" He kissed the top of your head.

He didn't want to take a picture in his animagus form because he thought he looked silly. But he didn't know any better. He looked magnificent in his animagus form. A stag. With huge antlers and a beautiful face. He was perfect. And all you had to do was make him realise that. But how?

Anyways that night you were head bent on convincing him. So you did what you know how to do best. Seduce him. And let's just say you were pretty persuasive. (He made you promise a week full of blow jobs. And then he finally said yes.)

So the next day you put on a cute summer dress and set up a picnic blanket with empty basket as a set up and the marauders followed you into the dark forest.

After you reached the dark forest, James turned into his animagus form and stood clueless in the middle of the forest. When Peter tried to get a picture of just prongs he stuck his tongue out but it still turned out to be an adorable picture.

Next thing you asked Peter to take multiple pictures with you standing beside Prongs. One where you were admiring his antlers. Another one where you pat his head. One where you planted a kiss right between his two doe-eyes. James was loving this. The affection he was getting, the closeness he felt. The warmth of your hand caressing his coat. The last picture was with you feeding an apple to Prongs. But then Sirius wanted to join this picture party.

So you took a picture with a black dog smothering you in kisses and a very jealous looking pissed off stag. And another one with you standing in the middle of Padfoot and Prongs and Wormtail sitting on top of your head. Remus took that picture. Every single one of them was adorable. After you were done you went back to the castle and went to the kitchen to pick up some snacks. You owled all your pictures and joined your boyfriend on the couch infront of the fire place and cuddled in his side.

"You know guys, today I realised that you guys are the coolest and most adventurous things I have in my life. And I just feel so happy about it." James smiled down at you and gave you a long peck. And Sirius came jumping beside you and joined yours and James' cuddle party and soon you found yourself wrapped in a blanket with four amazing gentlemen. And you felt like the luckiest girl in the whole fucking world.

And ofcource you won 'the adventures of L/N girls' that week.

[perfectlyoongi]

EX-BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who finds comfort in the tears of memories he sheds every night. Hoseok’s sheets felt heavy from the moment you left; Hoseok’s pillow was made of stones that prevented him from being able to rest; Hoseok’s room grew darker, larger, consumed by all the shadows of laughter exchanged and promises made. in the lights of despair, bathed with the intensity of an immense yearning for times already lived, Hoseok let himself be illuminated by the constant longing left by you — and it was in this chaos that Hoseok sought comfort. perhaps in the memories shared with you, in times of happiness and pure love, there was still a trace of warmth that could soothe Hoseok’s heart. he had already lost count of how many tears he had cried. there, in the forced comfort of his room, Hoseok didn’t remember the last time he was able to lie down without crying. in a way, with each tear shed, Hoseok felt a little of his pain being expelled, believing that it was the only solution to feeling alive again. but the nights passed. the crying continued intensely. and it didn’t matter how many i love you’s he let out or how many hugs he gave away — in all the tears, your memory still clung to Hoseok, leaving its trail along the invisible paths of tears, continuing always, and forever, in Hoseok — you were still a part of him. “i can’t understand what i’m doing wrong. i try to cry, let go of everything we’ve lived and been through. but it seems like every night is consumed by your longing that forces your memory to stay with me. please, free me from this torment.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who feels roses growing in his heart. your words had made their home in Hoseok’s heart for a long time now. an eternity was spent exchanging caresses and kisses, small seeds that you planted in Hoseok’s heart and helped to germinate with all the love you felt for him. for years, various flowers have bloomed inside Hoseok, painting his soul with their love, strong tones of affection and fascination making Hoseok’s heart more beautiful. but the flowers were roses. with the roses of your passion, strong thorns of surprise and pain began to dig into Hoseok’s heart. little spills of agony began to flow from the thorns the day you were gone; small tears of despair flooded Hoseok’s heart with the words of your departure piercing Hoseok’s fragile soul intensely; small thorns roughly tore Hoseok’s love, carving pictures of eternal heartache that were painted with the image of your longing. roses grew in Hoseok’s heart, because roses meant love. eternal and timeless love. that was the love Hoseok felt for you. a cruel love that only hurt and devastated him inside, but that addicted him to that intense and fiery pain. what was now destruction was once paradise. and it was that image of eden that fed all the roses in Hoseok’s heart. “you planted these flowers on me without showing and took care of them with all your love and affection. but it was the day you left that i discovered they were roses. these intense and blunt thorns tear my heart and flood my entire soul with longing.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who can no longer dance because you loaded him with the weight of grief. Hoseok’s movements were no longer fluid. Hoseok’s feet stopped coordinating his entire body. Hoseok couldn’t dance anymore. Hoseok’s entire body was tied with thick ropes of disillusionment. handcuffs made from the thought of him not being enough prevented Hoseok’s arms from tearing the sky with the same joy as before. as if bound by strong chains of pure guilt, Hoseok’s feet couldn’t leave the ground. he dragged himself wherever he went, and all his happiness in dancing was deprived from him from the moment you left. you left and it was the end of a relationship. an end that Hoseok couldn’t overcome. all that was left were memories. memories of happy times where you shared a gentle waltz of pure hope and love. all that was left was regret. words he could have said to make you stay, the hugs he could have given you to make you stay, the reassurance he could have given you to stay — everything he could have done and didn’t. that was what held Hoseok back. the end of a relationship due to his fault. the mourning of the only love that Hoseok was able to live. “why did you abandon me and not take this love of mine with you? why did you let my love stay with me to rot inside me and tear me apart? why did you steal my happiness?”

EX-BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who has lost the ability to smile since the day you left. nothing was genuine to Hoseok anymore. for him, just the term of happiness became something completely foreign to him, forcing him to take refuge in the memories that contained that peculiar feeling. but in the memories, Hoseok was happy. in the present, Hoseok only knew the true meaning of happiness. how was Hoseok supposed to feel this happiness again? only you were the cause of Hoseok’s joy. only you were able to steal the sun’s rays and warm Hoseok in his darkest moments. only you were capable of stealing the birds’ melodies and make Hoseok dance on his loneliest days. only you were happiness. only you were reality. and without you, Hoseok had nothing. without you, the world was nothing. so, what was the point of him smiling, enjoying the small joys of the world, if happiness didn’t exist? it was as if your departure created an eternal storm of pure revolt and desire. the desire of having you back. the desire of feeling happiness one last time. the desire of going back in time and never meet you — if you were destined to ruin Hoseok, he would rather never have met you. but he lied. Hoseok knew it was a privilege to be destroyed by you and it was only when he considered that thought that he managed to smile. a smile just adorned with pure ruin. “i always thought you were the cause of my happiness and now that you’re gone, i know it’s true. so explain to me why i can only smile when i remember how much you hurt me? why do i only find comfort in the suffering you bring?”

EX-BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who can’t hate you for abandoning him. you were the bearer of all the affliction that squeezed Hoseok’s heart. you were the creator of all the melancholic tears that washed Hoseok’s face. you were the reason Hoseok stopped dreaming. so why couldn’t he hate you? why among so many dark feelings that consumed Hoseok’s heart, your name appeared like a light that chased away all the darkness in Hoseok? how was it possible for you, the one who trampled on Hoseok’s heart, to be the glue that put all of Hoseok’s fragments together? he just wanted to hate you. you destroyed Hoseok, you made him not believe in the beauty of the world, you made him not believe in himself. so why did he still love you? he knew it was all over, that there wasn’t any crumbs he could consume to create a new reality for himself. but he still believed. he believed you would come back. he believed that you would realize that you took with you the light that resided in Hoseok and would give it back. and stay. stay forever. why does Hoseok still love you when you killed his soul?

EX-BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who is waiting to be himself again but knows he will never be able to. the day you left, you took a piece of Hoseok with you, the piece that made Hoseok the person he was. all the stories he lived, all the plans he made, all the joys and sadness — the entire essence of Hoseok was lost the day he lost you. it’s been a lifetime since Hoseok had given you his heart. for eternal years Hoseok’s soul has been carved by every moment shared with you. Hoseok’s heart beat with your smiles, Hoseok’s hope shined with your kisses, Hoseok’s happiness caressed him with the grace of your touch. everything Hoseok was, everything Hoseok had, all of Hoseok belonged to you for years. Hoseok was merely a sketch of a man who decided to love. you were the one who had all the components that made Hoseok a real person. go back to him. finish the project. tell him you love him once again so he can feel fulfilled one last time. one last time. please com—

EX-BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who will never forget the way you annihilated his entire essence, but who will continue to love you forever, for only you are god to Hoseok — it’s only you who takes everything from him and never gives anything back.

[marcelloshdz]

our forever

summary: when you and marcello attend a wedding of your friends, you get to talking about your future together. requested by anonymous. marcello x f!reader.

“marcello, baby, the love of my life, we’re gonna be late! i wanted to be on the road already.” you called from the doorway.

“i’m almost done, give me a second!” marcello called from your bedroom. 

the two of you were headed out of town for the weekend, on your way to celebrate some friends of yours who were getting married. marcello finally made his way over to you, pressing a kiss to your lips as he got closer. you followed him out to the car, loading your bags into the trunk. 

“alright, let’s hit the road.” you said as you sat down in your seat. after a little bit of driving, you stopped for a quick breakfast, then made it the rest of the way to the hotel you were staying at for the wedding. once you finally got there, you checked in and went up to your room.

“mmm, it feels good to finally be out of the car.” you sighed, settling into your room.

“let’s find something to eat. i’m starving.” marcello said as he grabbed the directory from the nightstand. once you decided on a nearby restaurant, the both of you freshened up and headed out.

the next night was the wedding and you were in your room getting ready, music blasting and clothes already strewn all over the place.

“why did you bring so many dresses?” marcello asked you.

“you know i like to have options.” you said, crossing your arms over your chest as you continued deliberating.

“you’re right,” he said with a giggle as he looked over the dresses you had laid out. “i don’t know how much my opinion will influence your decision, but the blue one looks really good on you.” you smiled up at him and he pressed a kiss to your cheek before walking back to the bathroom.

once you both were dressed and made up, you made your way down to the hotel ballroom for the ceremony.

“oh my goodness, this is beautiful.” you said to marcello as you walked around for a bit. you made your way to the photo booth area, and began taking pictures of and with each other. once you were done, you took your seats and posted some of the pictures while you waited for the ceremony to start.

“we look really good in these.” marcello said, swiping through the photo set you posted.

“we look good in every picture we take together.” you said with a smile.

“true.” he laughed.

the ceremony finally started and it was beautiful, everyone cheering for the happy couple as they shared their i dos. the reception was in the next ballroom over, so luckily you didn’t have to go too far. you decided on a table close to the bar and the buffet for easy access to food and drinks for the night.

after the couple dances, and the food was served, the dance floor was open for everyone to dance.

“aw, babe. i love this song. let's dance.” you said as you pulled marcello up from his chair and led him to the dance floor. it was a slow song, so you made yourself comfortable in his arms. he held you tight against his chest and you swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the music.

being in such a romantic setting, you couldn’t help but feel extra lovey towards marcello, and you had been all day. you could tell that he was feeling the same, as there was a gleam in his eye that was brighter than it normally was.

“i love you so much.” he said softly as the song ended.

“i love you more.” you said, smiling up at him.

“i really am so grateful for you and your companionship. i feel so lucky that i’m the one you’ve chosen to spend your life with.” he said, hugging you tight.

“i feel the same. you make me happier than i can even explain. i can’t even remember life before i met you, and i don’t want to imagine life without you.” you said.

“i don’t either. i can't wait to marry you.” he said, taking you by surprise.

“what did you say?” you asked, looking up at him.

“i can’t wait to marry you.” he repeated.

“you wanna marry me?” you asked, and he nodded.

“of course i do. you’re my favorite person in the whole world. i think about marrying you all the time, how our wedding will look, where it will be, our life together as husband and wife.”

“why have you never told me about this?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“i don’t know. i just liked keeping the fantasy to myself, mostly because i didn’t want to scare you away." he laughed awkwardly. "it's grown a lot more recently, though. sometimes we get married on the beach, sometimes we get married in a nice ballroom like this. sometimes we live in an apartment in the city, other times he live in a nice house in the suburbs.” he explained.

“kids or pets?” you asked.

“one or the other. sometimes both. i know we’ve briefly talked about kids before, but ultimately that’s up to you.” he said.

“that sounds like a dream, any and all of those options. as long as i have you by my side, i’d like to make any of those a reality.”

“yeah?” he asked, smiling down at you, and you nodded, resting your head back against his chest.

“i’ve never really had a dream wedding, or dream anything really. but i’ve got you now. you’re my dream man and getting to spend my life with you sounds perfect.”

“i love you.” marcello said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“i love you.” you said, hugging him tight. you continued dancing, holding each other close as the song came to an end. you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life with him.

[le-trash-prince]

Em, I came into the whole 'Benz-Garfield are desperate to get paired and/or make KimKenta happen' thing halfway through and I feel like I'm still desperately playing catch-up. Congratulations to them on making Part A happen and good luck with Part B, though! But in the interests of me continuing to play catch-up on this whole fascinating process, do you know if there's a timeline of events or a tiktok folder or *something* out there to help me piece together when all of this properly took off and when Benz in particular decided to go full unhinged with it?

Thanks for your help!

Anon if you weren't watching Pit Babe as it aired, I hope you are prepared for the emotional roller coaster that happens when you are waiting every week to see if Kim and Kenta even get screentime together. I felt like I was watching the last several episodes of Pit Babe on a fever high.

I am actually working on a timeline, but it’s not fully cohesive nor complete yet, since there’s simply so much to sift through on multiple social media platforms, and no platform has a perfect search function. It also doesn’t yet include social media posts where they were simply just… flirting with each other, but all the social media posts on the blog should at least be dated.

If you want to go through things more quickly, the archive page has a tag filter (one of my favorite tumblr features), and you can swap in any tag you like in the url, since the dropdown only lists featured tags.

It’s also hard to pinpoint a single moment when Benz decided to go unhinged with it, since he’s been pushing it from pretty early on. There also aren’t any dedicated translators in BenzGarfield fandom who are fluent in both Thai and English, so we either get machine translations or translations that are few and far between. There's also a lot of old posts that have been deleted, or accounts that have gone private, so even just the act of gathering everything is an effort, let alone organizing it into a big picture.

Here's what I can give as a highlight timeline though.

They met in late 2022 (Love Fest Thailand in November or December I think, I couldn't find pics, but I did just watch an old interview last night where they talk more in depth on their first impressions, which I plan on recording and uploading, but Garfield said something that can be paraphrased to the extent of "Do people this friendly and charming exist in real life?")

Benz was mingling with Change2561 actors, but they officially became coworkers in Feb 2023 when they were both cast in Pit Babe

Boys Journey started filming very shortly after—I don’t have a sharp timeline but the range is sometime from Feb to May. Benz was already going at it in Boys Journey (“BenzGarfield forever” - ep 10), when they ostensibly didn’t know their roles or if they’d be put in an actual ship (they were somewhat rotated around with ppl until later in Boys Journey, when I imagine the staff had chemistry based partnerships in mind)

In March, Garfield said he would choose Benz to flirt with out of all the cast.

By August, Benz was asking Garfield to take his last name 🤷‍♂️ (but Garfield keeps trying to take Benz's first name instead)

There was a lot going on while Pit Babe was filming (Sept-Nov). They were excited about filming the two whole scenes they had together, they tweeted about it the night before, they were improvising what communication between Kenta and Kim might be like, Benz was visiting set even when he didn't have any scenes (albeit likely for the free food, but keeping Garfield company while Charlie fakes his death is a nice bonus)

I haven’t been able to find it again (yet)(thank you YT’s horrible search function) but there was a livestream last year where Benz talked about Kenta calling Kim and inviting him to Thailand, which… never happened, so I can only assume they were at the point of making things up (which actors sometimes do when they need a better grip on a character), and probably explains the really loaded look they gave each other in the elevator, bc to them there had been more interactions between their characters.

The first event they did together (outside of full-cast stuff) was the RealMe sponsorship in September 2023, but it was presented as Garfield & Benz (didn’t stop Benz from once again asking Garfield to take his name). The first time (that I’m aware of) that they had an event with their ship name was the GarfieldBenz x Central Rayong event in December 2023. Filming was completed in November, so they obviously had known for a while that KimKenta weren’t a couple, but that wasn’t going to stop them from bickering over which of their characters would like the other first

In February, they were posting really shippy stuff right before the Pit Babe finale, which felt like queerbaiting at the time, but we didn’t know that Long Beans was being planned (they would begin the physio workshop a month later), so I think this was either a “we’re excited we get to play a ship but can’t say anything yet” or a “staff hasn’t made up their minds on casting us so let’s just show some potential.”

Also at the finale in February, Garfield said he wanted to be Kim's faen.

By the time Long Beans was announced in March and they were officially announced as BenzGarfield, there was no holding back, especially on the KimKenta front. Benz made a fuss during Long Beans presscon about them not getting any screentime together, and during the Changing event in April they talked about going to the writers and begging for KimKenta/KentaKim.

Anytime they're asked about S2, they're vague about it, and I imagine they will be until we see something onscreen (they have to keep me desperate and foaming at the mouth), but they have expressed that they want to continue working as screen partners for a long time. If KimKenta happens I don't think anyone will be happier than those two.

I hope this helps, anon! Trying to capture and organize all of their moments is a daily task, and it sometimes feels like I am Sisyphus.

[meibinnie]

txt and their kinks

pairing: ot5 x afab reader

genre: smut

warnings: breeding kink, unprotected sex (don't do this), dirty talk, spit play, somnophilia, sexy consent, spanking, and choking. mdni, if i catch you, you're gone.

note: i think terry's is my favorite one i wrote. erm kinda proof read, i got tired.

soobin

definitely has a breeding kink, no doubt about it. basically anything that has to do with you being pregnant, he has the hots for. he already has a thing for boobs (source: dude trust me) so when you’re lactating he’d wanna suck on them. 

the first time you proposed to have sex without a condom he almost jumped out his skin. poor guy damn near went stupid from how many times he spilled into you that night. he held onto you has he thrusted at a fast pace, grunting in your ear, “ ‘mm gonna make you a sexy mommy y/n” “c'mon you can take another load” and “i’m gonna breed you over and over again, make you mine forever”. 

he liked watching his cum leak out of you and ruin the sheets. sometimes he’d stuff it back into you just to see you squirm under his touch. he’d even take pictures (with your consent ofc) to keep and get off to, when you’re not around. 

yeonjun

yeonjun has a filthy mouth point blank period. his pretty lips are so damn deceiving. he whispers, grunts and moans explicit yet endearing words  in your ears. “yeah just like that you needy bitch” “that’s my perfect slut” “too cock drunk to answer me huh?” 

tonight was different though, he had you on your back as he thrusted into you. not too fast but not quite love making. he leans down to kiss you a couple of times like always. he loves your lips just as much as you love his. he shocks you when he demands you “open your mouth for me princess” and of course you obey, always so good for him. 

he leans down, spitting a glob of his saliva into your mouth. you close and swallow because how could you not take every bit of him? he cums at the sight of you swallowing him like that, can’t help but to kiss you and exchange more saliva than he already has. 

beomgyu

it took a lot  for him to admit it to  you even though  you were very open minded. he wanted to wait for you to bring it up first  but you never did because “hmm, that’s news to me. i’ve never heard of that but, if it makes you happy then sure” you said with a sweet smile.

beomgyu let weeks go by because he just couldn’t work up the courage to do it. he was nervous but then he came home late from dance  practice and there you were. sprawled out on his bed with only underwear and his t-shirt on. you looked so pretty and he just couldn’t help himself.

so he slipped his clothes off and pressed up against your back. he kissed and sucked on your neck and you were sound asleep. he peppered so many kisses, leaving little purple bruises for you to find the next morning.  now dry humping you from behind, he held in his moans and grunts to not wake you. he strained and held back, “i’ll just cum from this and be done” he tried to convince himself.

but he couldn’t take it anymore, it wasn’t enough,  he needed to be inside you. he pushed your panties to the side, slowly sliding his length inside of you. you let out a small whimper, knitting your brows together causing him to halt. once you settled again, he set a slow and steady pace. 

“mm gyu, keep going” your tired words egged him on. “feels good right?” he said sweat coating the sides of his face. all you could do was whine sleepy, poor baby barely coherent but loving the feeling regardless. his orgasm washed over him, making him see stars.  once you followed suit, he stayed inside you and you both drifted off to sleep.

taehyun

taehyun was a simple guy. sex with him wasn’t boring, it was easy for him to find out what you liked and he knew what he liked or so he thought. he didn’t think he’d have any specific kinks until a wild night with you after returning home from tour. taehyun hadn’t seen you for 6 months and phone sex just wasn’t doing the job anymore.

when he finally got home and you were riding him into complete bliss (because those strong arms holding your hips while you straddle him? whew) fully stuffed, you moaned “taehyun slap me”. he’d never hit a woman before, ever and he didn’t plan on it. but this was different, you were asking. “please baby, right in my face” no you were begging. your eyes watering, a thin layer of sweat coating your forehead and your lips plump from kissing and biting. how could he tell you no? 

so he took his left hand  ;)  and slapped you across the face. it wasn’t enough, it was unmoving and you wanted more. you bounced on his cock faster “harder baby” you sighed. were you serious? he didn’t want to hurt you but he saw that look in your eye, like if he didn’t slap the life out of you, you’d burst into tears. so he slapped you harder, making your head turn and your hair whip right along with it. “fuck yes, just like that baby” you moaned loudly, once again picking up your pace. turning to face him again, the side of your face turning red from the impact.

he could come right then and there but why stop? every time you moved down on his length, he spanked your ass and grabbed it roughly, definitely leaving a mark. you loved every bit of it, cumming on his cock and coming down from your high with a red face and a lopsided smile. he was so shocked he liked something so enticing and violent but he got to see you so gorgeous and fucked out so it became routine.

huening kai 

you were hanging out with some of your friends and the boys at your apartment for a game night. playing uno, everyone makes up their own rules and you’d have to stop the game a bunch. “huening you cannot put a 6 and 7 down just because they’re the same color” beomgyu face palmed. kai didn’t care, still putting down the two cards incorrectly. “baby, pick one of them back up or pick up two cards from the deck” you playfully scolded him. “make me” he threatened. 

you pushed past beomgyu knocking kai over and straddling him, tickling his sides. “i don’t care, im not picking up cards” he said in between laughs. your hand went up to his neck wrapping your fingers around it, not tight enough to block his windpipe but he went dead silent and got red hot. 

it felt like the world stopped and he grew a boner at record speed. he sat up quickly, pushing you off of him disturbed and everyone exchanged uncomfortable looks. “i think we should call it a night and pick it up next time” beomgyu broke the silence. 

everyone left just leaving you and kai, you checked up on him in your shared room. “kai, did i make you uncomfortable? i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to” you started apologizing already. “no y/n you didn’t. i  just-” he cut himself off, shaking his head. “you know you can tell me anything, right?” you put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

“you choked me, and i liked it. i liked it a lot. there, you happy?” he said quickly and avoiding eye contact. “baby, that’s nothing to be embarrassed about. actually just the thought of it is making me so wet” you whispered in his ear. 

the tips of his ears turned red and he finally made eye contact with you. the rest of the night consisted in multiple rounds of sex and you choking him while he laid down, and you rode him into oblivion.

[musicforastylesrestaurant]

Missing You.

masterlist || ask me anything <3

please remember to like and comment!!

in which, your fiancé’s off touring europe for the last leg of his tour, and you’ve had to stay at home because work wouldn’t give you the time off, so a nice face time call makes you feel just that much better about not being in his arms.

You were missing him.

As you were sat in yours and his house in Los Angeles, you couldn’t help but miss your fiancé, the man who owned your heart and the man that would forever own your heart.

You were feeling a little bit lonely, even though your shared dog Max was cuddled up at your feet.

Harry was touring around Europe, performing the last leg of his three year tour, and as much as you would have loved to have toured with him, work simply wouldn’t let you have the designated time off.

You couldn’t help but feel slightly resentful, not at the fact he was touring, but the fact that you couldn’t go with him.

You missed his touch, his jokes and most importantly his love.

As you sat on yours and his double bed, laying on his side just to feel they little bit more closer to him, scrolling through Harry Florals instagram page and seeing what your fiancé was up to, your dog licking its paws below you, the thought of him having the time of his life was enough for you to throw your phone down on the mattress, and decided to try and watch some TV.

Catching up on the soaps, Coronation Street, Emmerdale and your and Harry’s personal favourite Eastenders.

The sound of a notification emitting from your phone was enough to make your heart skip a beat, hoping and praying that it was the man you loved.

Maybe it was him, calling to say goodnight even though there was a clear time difference in Europe to the states.

You grabbed a hold of your phone, flipped it over and saw a FaceTime call from him appearing on the front of your phone, a picture you took of him cuddled with Max, his contact photo.

You answered the phone with eagerness seeping from your veins, holding the phone in your hand as his face appeared on the screen.

“Hey, love,”Harry greeted, running a hand through his hair. “— how’re you?”

Instead of saying how you really were, all you could mutter out were the two words littering the end of your tongue.

“I miss you,”You told him, feeling your eyes gaining a little bit of moisture. “God, I miss you so much, baby.”

Harry explained that he missed you as well, and that things weren’t the same without you by his side. He felt sick at the end of every show knowing that you weren’t waiting for him backstage, or back at the hotel.

He missed falling asleep in your arms.

“Are you sure everything’s okay, m’love?”Harry asked, head tilted to the side as he looked at you through the screen.

What were you meant to say to him?

Your emotions were all over the place.

“I’m not sure,”You told him, stroking a hand through Max’s fur who was now sitting at your side, panting softly at the sound of his daddy’s voice. “— works just been long, there’s loads of new people and I’m starting to feel as though I don’t belong there anymore. Like I’m not good enough to be working there anymore”

That and you felt completely alone.

Like this was a one way relationship.

“That’s not true,”Harry told you firmly, head shaking. “You're amazing at your job, don’t let other people drag you down and certainly don’t let people tell you otherwise.”

It felt nice to hear him say that.

But it would feel even nice if he was saying it straight to your face and not through a phone screen.

“I know,”You sighed, blinking back the tears. “—it’s just really hard sometimes.”

“I understand that, love,”He assured you. “But just remember that you’re stronger than you think you are, you’ll always have me defending your corner.”

“I’m so lucky to have you.”You told him, feeling even more emotional.

“No, I’m the lucky one,”His voice was warm and comforting, something you had missed. “I can’t wait to come home and see you.”

“I love you.” His voice was one full of love.

A tear fell down your cheek. “— I love you, too.”

“G’night, darling.”

“Goodnight baby.”

The screen went dark and you placed your phone down on your nightstand with a bated breath, Max was now cuddled even more into your side, head laying on your stomach.

You felt a little more centred now that you had had that conversation with your fiancé, knowing that he missed you just as much as you missed him.

[armslikeanchors]

my first meal today is breakfast cereal at 1:00pm

im looking at this picture and reflecting after a short text convo with my best friend after 3 days of silence on her side

she’s pictured here

took this photo when i went on a solo trip to oakland california to visit her for a couple days, im surprised my mom let me take the plane by myself

i actually really love the airport and plane trips. it was my first time going by myself and it was a bit daunting but, i really love being alone sometimes

it felt natural, i felt grown, in a good way

anyways i took this photo while on a walk with her and her mom at a botanical garden-park in san fran, if i remember correctly

3 months after this we would have a falling out over something miniscule, which we overcame a bit over a month ago this year; i’ll get into it in a bit

sam, my best friend, and i had been inseparable since the day we met in 2nd grade

by the end of the school year she moved back to california, but we kept in contact: playing minecraft on our ps3s while on a skype call

simple times

every year we would meet up maybe once or twice for a day or two since then

in october of 2023 she got upset at me over a text i sent her regarding a festival we wanted to go to

i told her that i had a couple friends going to the festival and that i hope she wouldnt mind if i was really invested in spending time with them, since i had never hung out with them before

it was never meant in the way she took it, but the damage was done

i guess she felt i wouldnt make her feel included

which i wish she knew wasn’t true

she can be dramatic at times. growing up together shes always been like that and, in a way, i admired it because it was silly. it was raw, and she would apologize and own up to any little thing she did.

i dont tell her or her mom often but, ive truly always believed that her mom really raised her well. ive always supported sam through everything and i know she’ll make the life she dreams of

anyway to the reflecting:

i texted her i believe early august (i tried looking for the message but they wont load)

and apologized that what i said came off as rude but that it wasnt intended to be that way

she apologized too for taking it the wrong way and we admitted to each other that things have been hard and that our friendship-breakup had been eating away at us since then

the whole time i believed she was over me and didnt care, as i fall victim to overthinking and drawing conclusions (though i have learnt since then that things arent always worst-case scenario)

she visited me in august and we spent a day together (sleepover, junk food, movies and all) and we caught each other up on everything that had happened since october in the mall food court

i was annoyingly loud about things since i get heated over certain topics but, in the moment, i didnt care if i made a fool of myself in front of everyone there because i was just glad to have my best friend back

cut to today and ive realized that since our hangout, she hasnt been talking to me much. i get it though because shes starting college and met the sweetest boy, and im proud of her

im just afraid that we’ve grown too different.

its one of those cliche moments where one friend gets in a relationship and does things in life and the other one is sitting, waiting for a text back

it feels kind of pathetic but im trying not to let it get to me

i dont know,

the day we hung out was really nice but i get this gut feeling with people thats nearly always, unfortunately, true

in which

we’ve grown so different it seems they’re not the same person anymore

i dont know if shes truly my best friend anymore, yknow

shes made several friends since our falling out, friends that she does activities her and i would do when we got to meet up

even trips together like we did !! which is really cool !

anyway, ill love her forever but, the distance was so long and the taste of it all was so bitter i dont know if theres hope for recover anymore

i tell my friends: losing someone in your life makes space for people you never knew could make life feel worth living

maybe that’s what’s happening

the scary part is that only time will tell

but thats okay, here i am

[cagemasterfantasy]

Hey everyone Dingeonmastertyrant here and it is with a heavy heart that I tell you I lost a best friend today my dog Skyler aka Bubba. It is extremely hard as I just got home from work and was just hit with the news. Even now as I type this I have eyes filled with tears. It is hard for me to tell this but here goes.

For the past few weeks Bubba has been acting really strangely. This morning before I went to work they took him to the ER. The last I saw him was him being loaded into the car outside my driveway before being driven off. Well... after being examined they found out he had cancer. IDK if it was in his stomach his liver his kidney whatever. Before anyone asks even if we did surgery or chemo the estimated time he would have to live is 4 weeks to 6 months and even then he wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't be able to swim to play ball or run around like he used to. I really wish I could have said goodbye to him. So for now I will be putting DND recipes on hold for right now I will probably still do DND rankings as I want to rank every single class before the next edition of DND drops. I will still do Paldea Pokedex entries but no more than that. I know everyone has been looking forward to the X and Y Pokedex Entries I was going to start on them tomorrow but..... I will start on them but give me 3 or 4 weeks to grieve as this dog in this picture is the dog that's been with me since I was 11. This is a dark time for me I lost not just a dog but my childhood friend, my best friend, my big brother, a piece of my family. I hope you are ok wherever you may be and I know you aren't suffering anymore. Thank you to whoever read all this.

Rest in piece Bubba December 16 2014- June 3 2024

May your light shine forever onwards in the dark abyss

Edit: I just found out what caused the cancer sorry for not sharing this earlier the cancer was caused by a tumor in his stomach that ruptured.

[vestaloflight]

7, 11, & 21 for the art asks :3c

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate Oh man, graphic design if that counts? Like, taking things and putting them together to get an idea across? Liiike I can edit a nice picture, or make a pretty palette but I really have no idea what to do to make a nice graphic that's visually appealing and informative for whatever point you're trying to make. I don't know if that really counts as a medium, but my eyes roll back into my brain when I think about making banners or web designing... But one that's maybe more sense-making, 3D visual arts. Like... paper-craft. Sculpting. Stuff like that. It's so neat and I do not know how to do it at all. I started doing resin-work but that still feels wholly different since I'm just picking colors and mixing stuff and pouring them into a mold. Starting from scratch? Wtf, I don't know how people do that and I'll be forever envious. 11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what I don't have anything specific that I listen to except it's like, always music, never podcasts or audio-books or anything. And I don't always listen to something sometimes I just zone out to the sound of whatever is on TV or the hum of the room. Sometimes I might get inspiration from a song and play that on repeat while I'm working, and sometimes I just let my "liked" collection shuffle. 21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways I think I like... pretty much Every art style that's not like mine... but let's see... I love a style that's got a lot of background work to it - I am TRYING to put backgrounds into my stuff when it makes sense but oh god it does not come naturally to me and some of my fav artists just make it seem so EASY... obviously it took loads of practice to make it look easy but still it just blows me away how simple or complex it can be and I'm just over here like "what color bubbles should I place randomly in the bg". Also LOVE a cartoon-y style. I'd say my art tends to be a pretty even blend of "anime" as my mom calls it and realism, but I have a REALLY hard time leaning into one or the other. Like how do people draw chibis. I don't get it. I can't make it happen. Idk if this is even really the right way to answer this, but it's what I'm doing. X'D

[ladytanithia]

Side stories...

Does anyone else write little side stories for their main stories, like to fill in the blanks as to what goes on "behind the scenes?" I've written a few, actually, like that untitled bit I posted a while back about the archery lesson with Faendal, Persuading Fethis, Hrefna's Crush, and this little untitled discussion between Faendal and Rayya after one of Miranja's layovers at Lakeview Manor. Just wanted to share!

It's under a thousand words, but I'll put it below the cut.

@mareenavee @skyrim-forever @thequeenofthewinter @gwilin-stay-winnin @dirty-bosmer @thechaosdragoness

Faendal was mining the iron ore vein on the Lakeview Manor property when Rayya came over to talk to him. Miranja had gone back out on another adventure with that Imperial mage Marcurio earlier this morning, and Rayya had seen enough.

Faendal glanced up at her as he wiped the sweat from his brow. “Morning, Rayya, something that needs my attention?”

“Maybe,” Rayya replied, “but not about the property. There’s something else I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

Faendal’s curiosity was piqued. Rayya never spoke about anything personal; she was a very private, introverted person. What could be bothering her so much that she was actually approaching him to talk about it?

Faendal stuck the handle of the pickaxe through the loop on his belt and picked up the ore he’d already broken loose, loading it into the cart and starting toward the smelter. Rayya followed.

“What’s on your mind, then, Rayya?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now,” Rayya began. “Llewellyn and I have even had a couple of conversations about it. And I thought now was as good a time as any…”

Rayya had Faendal’s full attention now. He stopped and faced her, a question on his face.

Rayya smiled. “Don’t look so concerned, my friend. It’s nothing bad. We just want you to know that you don’t have to go to bed late and get up extra early when Miranja is home. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself. It’s easy enough to see how much Miranja adores you. We know you share her bed every time she comes home, and we’re fine with that. It’s not like you go around lording it over us or anything.”

Faendal’s face was redder than Rayya had ever seen it, and she laughed in amusement. “You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed, you know.”

Faendal turned and continued on toward the smelter.

“My question is this, and you can tell me if it’s none of my business: I’ve seen you both wearing Mara’s amulet. So why haven’t you married yet?”

Faendal closed his eyes and took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. He’d been fraught with guilt more than once over that very question.

“I won’t say it’s none of your business, Rayya. I consider us all to be a little family of sorts, and what affects one of us affects us all. The fact of the matter is that when Miranja and I met, I was already in love with a woman in Riverwood. She’s who I’m going to visit whenever I go to Riverwood; I just pick up some supplies at her brother’s shop while I’m there, partly because we do need them, and partly so it looks like I had another reason to go there.”

“I suspected as much, if you want to know the truth. You’re not as subtle as you think you are. Falkreath is closer and you can get the same goods there.”

Faendal shrugged sheepishly. “If you really want to know, Miranja has actually taken my side to help me win Camilla’s heart. The Nord blowhard who was my rival is totally out of the picture now, and I’m really close to winning her over completely. Miranja’s been very encouraging. Yes, I know she wants more than what I’ve given her so far, but she’s put her own wishes aside to help me fulfill mine.”

Rayya found herself feeling very irritated with Faendal over that last little tidbit. “And nothing she’s said or done – Miranja, I mean – nothing has convinced you that Miranja might be the better choice?” There was an edge to her voice.

Faendal was irritated right back at her. “I told you, Miranja has been helping me win Camilla over. And I do love Miranja – very much, in fact.  She’s amazing. But she still wants to see other people, and I worry every day that she might not come home. Not only does she seem to seek danger, but danger seems to seek her out, too. I want to marry someone I never have to worry about losing to draugr, dragons, the Dawnguard – whatever. Can you understand that? I’m a pretty simple man, and I want a simple life. Miranja is complicated, and everything about her life seems complicated. I’m certainly her friend for life, but I could never be her husband.”

Rayya was silent, considering. There was a certain fondness between herself and Miranja, to be sure, but they had never really spent any significant bonding time together, and Rayya only knew the bare minimum about Miranja’s life or her inner workings. For all intents and purposes, she and Miranja were simply employer and employee. She only saw what was on the surface, and all she really knew about Miranja was that she treated her well and paid her well. Perhaps Faendal was right; he was closer to Miranja than anyone else.

“I think I understand where you’re coming from, Faendal. I’m sorry if I spoke out of turn. You’re obviously the only one in the whole household who’s truly close to her. Llewellyn and I – Gunjar, too – we’re just observers, and that’s how it looks to us, from the ‘outside.’ You two are like the ‘parents’ of our family. As long as both you and Miranja are happy with your arrangement, we’ll stay out of it.”

Faendal smiled. “There’s nothing to forgive, friend. Miranja would be very pleased to know that she has such a loyal family who has her best interests in mind.”

[gaybaby2424]

PART 2

As my 3 daddies were walking to the bar I was trying my best to hold it even tho it was way too hard cause of all the pills daddy gave me but in the end we made it to the bar and went inside to see over 300 people are there and Daddy said oh my God how and why is there this many people here even tho they wanted a lot of people to see me they also put a big paper at the end of my feet letting everyone know why I look like this but not in detail about the hypnosis or the pills my daddies want everyone to think I love this and I want it so we walked around the bar for a few showing people our baby faggot and everyone is taking picture and saying aww how cute or awwww is baby confuse but all I could do was lay there and continue to harshly suck my 6 inch dildo paci that daddy tied onto me as we continued my stomach was hurting me so bad and I kept whimpering and started sobbing as soon as daddies heard me crying they asked what’s wrong and kept saying is it your tummy does it hurt all I could do was nod and keep crying as they stood there giggling at me cause as I was crying daddy said awwwww look at that he actual looks like a real baby now and I continued to ball harder until they took me into the middle of the floor and all 3 daddies got the microphone and started talking about we payed $500 to be here and show you out baby boy and what he loves to do and the daddy went and got a lot of stuff out of the back room and came back out and set it up everything was for me to use like a high chair there was a crib a play pen was put there then daddy came right to my stroller and wheeled me all the way to the middle of the stage where every single person that was in there could see me and daddy started telling people that I love being a baby and told them that I wanted to be professionally hypnotized to act speak and think just like a baby with no brain and that I love being in a full diaper where other people can see me and my 3 daddies said they finally was able to legally adopt me as there own son so now I was scared I am so helpless and now my daddies legally adopted me and now I am gonna be stuck like this forever I thought to myself while my daddies told everyone that for 10 hours every single person can rent the baby and do whatever you want with or to him everything goes right as soon as he finished everybody could here my tummy rumbling and they could see me hurting and daddy said oh am yes he’s in 5 diapers of the thickest diapers ever and he had 5 glycerine bullets a liter of enema and 5 baby bottles of baby formula glycerin cum and pee so he is actually going to be smelling like a baby in a few and we do have extra diapers for the people if they want to can be just like him forever and when daddy finished talking he grabbed another microphone and put it near my ass and it all happened at once the first wave hit me and I started farting so badly and the the second wave and I unload everything into my awaiting diapers and as I was shitting my guts out my bladder let go and couldn’t even feel the need to pee I honestly couldn’t even feel my penis as my diapers were growing so fast from all of my shit and piss I just lay there crying like a baby sucking me my dildo paci and all 3 daddies were right next to me saying I am such a good boy for being a baby who is so dumb and horny after I had finished loading my diapers I for some reason had so much room left in my diapers so daddy told everyone that I am also going to be used as a toilet since the bad baby didn’t fill his diapers all the way so if anyone needs to pee or poop you come to one of us and you will use my babies diaper as your toilet and don’t worry baby here loves other people going potty in his diapers and daddy was interrupted by a sexy 30 year old say he has to pee and poop and daddy said awesome come right up take your clothes off while there’s other daddies ties me to a pole in the middle on my knees and asked the young guy if he wanted to pee or poo first so he chose to pee in the back of my diapers then daddy help him open my diapers

[veebs-hates-video-games]

I'm not entirely sure what to say about Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow. It's good?

I first attempted to play it forever ago, but I only made it like 70% of the way through. I never had a GBA or anything else I could play GBA games on, but my ex had gotten me a Dingoo. Picture basically a GBA Micro, except with four face buttons and an SD card slot, and also it had emulators for basically every 2D platform from the NES through the GBA (and there was a third-party PS1 emulator you could install that worked ok with a decent number of games too).

It worked pretty well for most stuff I played on there, and it seemed to be going perfectly with Aria of Sorrow too, but I eventually managed to get it stuck in a weird state where no matter what I did it would crash ~30 seconds after loading my save. I never could figure out why or how to fix it, and I just kind of gave up after a while and never touched it again even though it had been a lot of fun.

And then finally a couple years ago Konami took a break from releasing shitty low budget spinoffs of formerly good series and making pachinko machines and put out the Castlevania Advance Collection, and then finally more recently the Switch version was on sale when I wasn't in the middle of a bunch of other stuff and felt up to playing through the entire game again.

It's still one of my favorite metroidvanias (and definitely my favorite Castlevania) up there with stuff like Super Metroid, and it holds up pretty well. I did a 100% souls run and had a good time with it. I know I've complained multiple times recently about Squenix trying and kinda failing with their attempts at proper real time combat that actually feels good in stuff like Harvestella and NEO: TWEWY, but here's this GBA game from like 20 years earlier running on a potato that feels tight and crisp and has good feedback on stuff.

I can tell something does that stuff well when I start picking up on things like noticing you can cancel out of the recovery lag from attacks if your attack is a few frames before you land from a jump, letting you attack again almost immediately. I never figure things like that out when they're so mushy that it's not obvious or hardly makes a difference.

And of course the pixel art still looks good and the music is still fun, and the writing is obviously still complete nonsense just like it's always been in Castlevania games. I probably won't ever get around to the other ones in the collection, but this one is still definitely worth it after all these years.

And just to show how far behind I get on making these posts sometimes, I screenshotted that when I saw it on Steam because it was almost the same day that I got it, and I saved it as a reminder to poke @ion-somnia about it because it was a funny coincidence and I hadn't in a while. And then obviously I didn't, and then even more time passed after I finished the game before getting around to this, so I'm totally doing great at doing all sorts of things before I half/completely forget about them, which is really useful when I try to write these posts so I can remember later what I thought about things when someone asks me. Might work better if I remembered to write them before I forget playing them...

Oh also the fake out intro for the Balore boss fight is too good:

[starfolk7]

For the ask game: Messmer, Wolf, Genichiro and your grubby man Gabe

Oh my god im so sorry this took me so long to get to but HOO BOY this will take a bit here we GO-

Messmer

- favorite thing about them: My god, they did SUCH a good job with his character. Forever locked away in the Land of Shadow? Carried on a crusade that even his most loyal followers had to take a step back and say "hey um is this too much"? Cursed with the inhabitance of the Abyssal Serpent, wherever they came from? There's so much buried under that fierce and tired exterior, and I love it when people dig deep on Messmer and come up with fitting headcanons to coincide with his tragic canon story <3

- least favorite thing about them: I guess all of the genocide? Then again, that's a core part of his character/story, so he wouldn't be the same without that. And really, there are no pure sides in Elden Ring, everyone's got blood on their hands and skeletons in their closets. Messmer is no exception.

- favorite line: "O Mother, forgive me..." The delivery on this line gets me every. Single. Time. 😭😭😭

- brOTP: Messmer and Gaius!! From the lore, it sounds like they were super close friends, and I love the idea of them being close comrades. Idk, something about it just hits, y'know?

- OTP: Any Messmer x Tarnished/OC ship! Yes I have one of my own, but I don't think I'll be publishing anything about it for quite a while. I'm already loaded with writing projects as it is lol

- nOTP: Don't really have one for him!

- random headcanon: Give him hot soup and he'll be a happy man. Idk why, but my headcanon of him as a soup guy still holds firm!

- unpopular opinion: I really don't like how a lot of fans seem to put all of the blame on Messmer and none of it on the Hornsent. My point above stands: there are no innocent sides in the story of Elden Ring. Except maybe a handful of NPCs.

- song I associate with them: Ouroboros by Trobar de Morte; Demigods by HEALTH (especially the last minute of the song, OOF)

- favorite picture of them:

Kind of basic, but I adore the cover photo for the DLC. The pose and the lighting just absolutely slap <33

Wolf

- favorite thing about them: His loyalty and, to an extent, his naivety. It's pretty endearing, seeing him figure out things about the world around him that he never knew about. Example: the poor man didn't know you're supposed to cook rice before you eat it. He's spent so long learning to be a weapon that it never occurred to him to learn the simpler things. It's kind of sad, but also compelling, if that makes sense!

- least favorite thing about them: I guess the killing thing, but he didn't exactly get a say in his career path soooooo

- favorite line: I have so many for Wolf, he's got great lines! But honestly, all of the dialogue where he defies Owl. It hits closer to home than I'd like, but it's an amazing part of his character development <3

- brOTP: Wolf and Kuro! Sure, there's a master/servant dynamic going on here, but I just love Wolf looking after Kuro like a sibling or even an adopted son. It tugs at my heartstrings something fierce ;w;

- OTP: Hehehehe I love shipping Wolf with OCs. Yes I have an OC ship with him that I don't chat about much, but it's cute and compelling and UGH I love it a lot!

- nOTP: Don't really have one for him, believe it or not!

- random headcanon: Once he has the freedom to do what he likes, I feel like he has more energy to develop a better hygiene routine. Let's be real, he smells like dirt and sweat on a good day, and I don't wanna think about what he smells like after trudging through that Great Ape fight fjkjskghd

- unpopular opinion: It's been a bit since I thought about this aspect of things for Wolf. I guess I don't like it when people boil down Wolf to being just naive or just an unfeeling killer. He's so much more than that. I'm noticing a trend in what bothers me with character interpretations lol.

- song I associate with them: Tourniquet by Evanescence, though he's def not the only one of my boys that gets this song!

- favorite picture of them:

There's so much wonderful fanart of Wolf, but after looking through a bunch, I just adore this shot of him. It encapsulates so much of his character in one go! Plus the lighting highlights his pretty face so well! <33

Genichiro

- favorite thing about them: There's so much passion contained within one guy that looks like attractive burnt toast. If he used it for good, it would be much more attractive, but at the very least, it's compelling! Genichiro has more issues than Time magazine, but he's got the spirit, y'know? Overall, absolutely great antagonist with so much depth <3

- least favorite thing about them: How to stop him from going after Wolf asking for a friend. The friend is me. I know, it's part of what makes him a compelling character but PLS

- favorite line: It's been a bit since I played Sekiro, but I use "Heresy, you say?" on my brother a lot lol

- brOTP: Not really sure? Need to read more fics with Genichiro in them, that might give me a better idea.

- OTP: Don't really have one of these for him, either! Shipping him with Wolf has its own kind of spice, but I wouldn't call it an OTP of mine, y'know?

- nOTP: Also don't have one of these for him lol

- random headcanon: He would not know how to function in everyday society. I don't mean high society, I'm talking amongst everyday people. He would be so lost lol

- unpopular opinion: I guess I don't really care for how people boil him down to one trait or another. As much as I like to poke fun at Genichiro sometimes, there's so much anger and passion for a multitide of reasons. He doesn't fall into one box or another.

- song I associate with them: Gotta admit, haven't really thought about songs for him much. I'm not the person to ask on this one skdhfkdsh

- favorite picture of them:

You cannot tell me this isn't an amazing shot of him. It embodies SO much of his character in one frame. Plus, it's pretty hot, not gonna lie dsfsdfdsh

Gabriel

- favorite thing about them: Oh my god, where do I even start? The nuance behind his heinous acts? The crisis of his position in existence? Gabriel is SUCH a disaster and he doesn't even know it until he gets his ass handed to him for the first time in his existence. He's spent the whole time fighting in the name of God, someone that couldn't even be bothered to live with His mistakes, and for what? Just for Gabriel's own kind to turn on him when he slips up once? GodDAMN there is so much to unpack about him and his character, but I'm trying to keep this as spoiler-free as possible, so. Just know that he has a LOT going on in that haloed head of his okay he's Going Through It TM

- least favorite thing about them: Why he gotta be so mean to me :((( I'm kidding, but for real, Gabe has uh. Done a LOT to piss off the damned, let's just put it that way. But again, it comes down to: what choice did he have, if any, to do anything different? Lots to dig through on that one.

- favorite line: UGH I have so many for him, but this is from an exchange later on:

"Face it, brother. God is Dead. The fire is gone. You're chasing phantoms."

G O D his character arc drives me insane okay

- brOTP: If Gabe and V2 (another of my beloveds) ever got the chance to meet, I'm p sure they'd bond over their mutual hatred of V1. Maybe that's just me, but I love the idea so much that it's a later thing I'm playing with down the line in my fic. Sure, it's also motivated by other things, but shhhh don't worry about that lol

- OTP: Hehehehehehe Gabe x OC go brrrrr. Y'all know the shit I'm writing with him and Charlotte down the line, it's not a secret at this point that those two drive me nuts in the best way skdfhksdhf

- nOTP: I wouldn't say nOTP, per se, but I really am kind of neutral on Gabe x V1? I completely understand where the appeal comes from, and there's some cute ass art of it, but it doesn't really hit the spot for me? Personal thing, really. It's fine, though! I'll party in my little OC corner instead lol

- random headcanon: Since Gabriel is an archangel that has existed for...god knows how long, he can understand every single language humanity has ever created. Now, does that mean he can properly speak every single language? Absolutely not. Some languages he can speak as elegantly as a native speaker, but others? Oh no no, he's atrocious with his pronunciation. Idk, I think it's just funnier if he can understand what people are saying, but he can't always properly convey his words in their language. French, for example. No this isn't motivated by his stuff with Charlotte what are you talking about-

- unpopular opinion: I like poking fun at him and comparing him to a wet cat sometimes, but I really don't care for when people only see Gabriel as a pathetic whiny mess. He didn't get this far being that way, he had to fight and win SO MANY battles before his first encounter with V1. If he wasn't competent in his skill set, V1 would have crushed him in an instant. There's a reason he was able to cause so much misery for the denizens of Hell. That's all I'll say.

- song I associate with them: Oh geez, SO MANY. But here's a few, not counting his tracks from the game:

Sleep Token - Chokehold; HEALTH feat. SIERRA - HATEFUL; Ethel Cain - Family Tree; JVLIAH - Angel of Death; DYNA - Redemption; Spiritbox - Circle With Me

I don't have a problem I swear-

- favorite picture of them:

I had to sort through a LOT of pics, but this is by the lovely friedri-ce right here on Tumblr!!

Not only are the style and colors absolutely STELLAR, but it just. Perfectly encapsulates Gabriel when you first meet him in the game. Gorgeous piece, I love all of their fanart of Gabe!!! <333

[lesren]

Neon Absurdity

“…that I can’t find its meaning?” I mused out.

“Da, that is the point.” He responded simply.

I don’t recall the last time I took this headset off; it was hot I was sure of it; my skin was slick and the air thick. A rancid stench attacked my nostrils, but if I focused solely on only what my eyes and ears told me, I would get lost and the real world would fade away, out of mind. I was tired, I know I’ve been up a long time. My body ached and every breath felt like I was drowning. It was quiet for a while, and I looked around, confusion overtook me, and a haze set in as I stood up. We were suddenly loaded into a phone booth.

“What’s your name again?” I said, looking at them.

“You know my name…” He paused before realizing my confusion. “Just my username is fine."

It took me a moment to move my eyes up and read his username "Смерть.” I wasn’t sure how to pronounce it, especially given my friend's Slavic accent.

“Should I just call you C?"

“Whatever is good." he simply replied.

“I feel like I’ve heard your name before, have we met?”

“Yes…and no.” He simply replied.

After greeting him I looked around this familiar place. The place you load into is a phone booth, and once you exit it you find yourself in a concrete courtyard between four buildings. I start to walk to the only open door, covered with dead TV static, simply labeled "№ 1".

We walked through, to be greeted by large windows to our right, showing the static of a dead TV screen. In front of us was a mirror, showing our avatars. To our left were stairs to go up and explore this world. Above the mirror № 1 showed four symbols * * * *, and a picture of a maze. My mind took a few minutes to understand that I was not in my real body. I looked much younger, though I do not recall what I really looked like. A pale pudgy child with dark hair and too thick glasses. This, I was sure of it, wasn’t my real body. This was just in fact, a bunch of ones and zeros. Though it felt real, it at least fooled my sight and hearing, which was enough that I stopped focusing on it. C had a simple avatar, a pale slim man with black hair and clothes, dark bags sagged under his eyes. He appeared as if he’d never slept. As we made our way up the stairs, we were greeted by a hallway with many apartment doors. Almost everything on the walls was written in Cyrillic, a language I was unfamiliar with.

“Did you grow up in a place like this? I mean, like in brutalist-style apartments.”

“Maybe, other than the strangeness of this world. It gives off a…I’m not sure the English word for the feeling.”

“Nostalgia?" I asked.

“Da.” He replied, nodding his head. “Did you grow up here?”

“I’m not sure…it feels nostalgic, I’ve been here in the real world, but I don’t recall when or why.”

I couldn’t find a solid memory that placed me here, but I walked the yellowed musty hallways and made my way around. I must’ve unconsciously known where to go, we entered this room I call the mailroom. It's six stories tall and has nothing but overfilling mailboxes. From the overstuffed mailboxes low-poly mail drifts down like snow. Seven chairs sit in the middle of the room, surrounding an eighth knocked-over chair, which no matter how much I try to move it, my hand passes through it, unable to fix it.

“Why fix it?” C said

“Because…" I struggled to think of a why. "I want them to all be upright." I settled on.

"There doesn’t always have to be order." C retorted.  I stood up from my hunched position trying to move the chair, my eyes strained and I closed them for a moment, moving my hand to my temple, trying to think through the haze.

"Just makes more sense to have order."

C would just reply with a dissatisfied hmph. He started to walk to the next area, I lagged behind him, upset at the question. Though I wasn’t sure why. We walked for a long time, taking in the world around us. It's interesting to walk through this world, unlike the real world, the impossible can become possible. The yellowed hallways go on forever, mind-bending twists and turns, and a subway train goes up the wall where an elevator is supposed to be. A sight that repeats itself. 

I’m sure it means something, this whole world has too. But I’ve yet to understand it and possibly I never will, and it pains me. C I think notices this as we enter the second area, he speaks up without turning around.

"I’ll never understand why people get upset by those thoughts."

"What thoughts?" I retorted

"Trying to know the meaning of the world. You know you’ll never be able to know it." He said plainly.

"Weren’t you the one that said everything has meaning?"

"Yes, but your efforts would be better spent reconciling the fact that your world is absurd." He replied.

I didn’t understand. I don’t know if I can with this haze. I just accepted his answer for now and kept walking. The area we had just arrived at had a new mirror, I’m older now, but still young. A full curly beard covers my face, and long black hair runs around me. I still wear thick glasses and have some fat around me. Just above the mirror №. 2 displayed, and now the numbers displayed 2 0 2 4, this time through a small heart is displayed next to the numbers.

"Wonder what that’s supposed to mean."

"Life…love, things your kind finds meaning in." C responded.

"Do you not believe in that meaning?"

My question was spoken to deaf ears, he showed no emotion to the question, and he started off walking ahead.

This area was a broken bridge, connecting two halves of a city. A river infinitely far below us cut the city in half, and tall buildings that made the Tower of Babylon seem small were crammed together on both sides. It was raining, but it couldn’t cool my real body, though the sensation still ran over my skin. Rail tracks went over this bridge, and we walked along them, dodging holes in the ground that would have us dropdown. This area had an ambient soundtrack, something all too familiar and foreign.

"Why do you think this world is made the way it is?" I queried.

"You should know."

"How? I barely recall how we got here. Besides, I’d remember creating a beautiful world."

C only shifted and looked at me with a puzzling look and smirked, shaking his head. It left me feeling anxious. His look told me he knew something I didn’t.

Ahead of us, an escalator takes us up into an old office building. Once inside there is a singular desk, and behind it a stairwell. We make our way up, and it takes a while, to the point that I lose track of everything. We eventually made it to where the stairs end. We walked down a hallway till we hit a room with large windows, looking out to a large room. On all sides of this room are other buildings, other than the opposite of us, which is a glowing static screen. It's somehow raining out there.

"So, you don’t think this has some sort of meaning?" I asked as we looked out the windows.

"Maybe…but that’s not for you to know." He said, crossing his arms over his chest, clearly disgruntled, I wasn’t getting whatever he meant.

"Why not?" I said bluntly looking down at him

"Because it is humanly impossible."

"How so? How can it be?"

"If it wasn’t humanly impossible, I’d tell you…I liked you more when you were smaller and accepted my answers." He went on to speak in some Slavic language, I assume mocking my inability to grasp what he meant.

I went back to looking out the window, the reflection of my false body I’m now acutely aware of. I couldn’t help but smile and laugh. I don’t know why I found it funny. But it was. C just looked at me, his sour face sweetened a bit. Maybe I was starting to get it, maybe I was just going insane. We kept walking and I was trying to keep track of the world in my head. Through the turns of the hallways, we should’ve been intersecting ourselves, going back to rooms and hallways we’ve been through. The power of this world is that it doesn’t have to abide by normal rules I suppose. We got to a room with many intricate pipes going to an abstract sculpture. A rhythmic hum played on, and an open elevator greeted us, which we entered. We stood a little close for comfort and I was happy my rancid smell couldn’t fill this space. The elevator took us to the next area, a library.

We exited onto the first floor, we were greeted by a №. 3 and 2 0 4 5. Here an image was next to the numbers, it appeared to be a brain. There wasn’t a mirror here, but I felt older. My hand gently stroked my greying beard, and my glasses felt heavy. There were bookshelves everywhere, slightly taller than me and we walked amongst them. It's one of the few times I’ve been upset at the limitations of technology, I’ve always loved the smell of musty books and the feel of old books.

I got lost for a long time, looking at titles I couldn’t read, and browsing at my own leisure. However, my attention to the books was broken as I looked around. I couldn’t find C anywhere. Though I knew where he’d likely be. Towards where we’d entered there, I’d find the stairs going to the second floor. They were grandiose and wide. My footsteps echoed in the stairwell, bouncing off the granite floor and walls. When I got to the second floor, it was a gallery. It was a maze to walk through, but all images were interesting to look at. Though the art was different than last time, at least I think it was. It was all blurry, out of place, or nonsensical in nature. Some of them depicted brutalist architecture, the insides of buildings. They felt familiar, I couldn’t help but feel I had taken these photos, or painted them, or had I? Something was rising in my chest, fear. I started to run through the maze until I bumped into C.

"Fuck man, watch where you’re going. You could knock someone over." He said

"Hah…yeah," I said, catching my breath. "Wait…ha-ha, you’re funny." I said sarcastically.

C just stared at me weirdly for a few moments, trying to analyze me before he spoke "Yeah…why were you running?"

"I was just running to try and find you man…" My sentence trailed off towards oblivion as we stared at each other.

"You’re scared of it…aren’t you? The truth of it all." 

"No…just… drop it, man." I said

A long silent moment followed while I caught my breath, my lungs ached and filled up with less air than before.

"I’m not scared of the truth…but over the fact that I don’t understand it."

"You will, in due time. We’re close to the end, do you feel it?"  I couldn’t help but nod, a looming fear started to overtake me. Though the haze I’d felt started to diminish.

"Why does it all feel familiar? Are those my photos? I thought this was VR or something." C smirked "You’re starting to see. This world is your construct."

Before he could talk or try to continue this conversation I started off towards a nearby staircase, racing up for a while, and started to struggle. I was scared, I wanted to run from him. I felt as though I had been running upstairs, my lungs felt full of fire. Soon I got to a door which had a sign above it that was green with a little stick figure running to a door. 

Once I passed this sign it all felt familiar, it all felt real. It looked like the reception to a hospital, though squeezed into a hallway. Above the reception, №. 4 is displayed with a cross the four numbers now 2 0 6 7. The walls were painted pale green, and though I know I couldn’t have possibly smelt the smell, it smelt of cleaning solutions. There were cardboard boxes in this hallway, paperwork and such spilling out of it.

I walked forward some before turning back, his footsteps echoed up and down the hallway. The end of the hallway where I entered had transformed and now was a window overlooking the river and buildings. I backed away in terror, but then stumbled into a shoddy hospital bed. My breath was shallow, and my lungs ached for air. I was too tired to fight my way out of this deathbed.

"Want me to push you from here?" C asked as he approached.

"Why am I filled with dread? Why am I scared of what's to come? Why do I fear you?"

"You fear what you do not know." His accent changed, and I could understand him better now.

"I’m not in VR, am I?"

"You constructed this world, to try and understand, to try and find meaning."

"Will I?" 

C just chuckled lightly, "You are human, so it is hopeless." For a long time, we stayed there, while I contemplated what was next.

"Please…I want to see the rest of what I’ve made." I said softly, my voice starting to crack.

C would move to the head of the bed, behind my vision, and begin to push, the bed rattling as we went along. The world here felt unfinished, random almost. A bench curved along the wall, impossible for someone to sit on. A massive hole in the wall shows the guts of the building. Chairs, wheelchairs, and beds were strewn around. Posters on the walls I couldn’t decipher. On and on we went, through corridors until we pushed past a tight door into a new room. A pool was in the middle of the room, beyond it were two tables of sorts.

"What are those?" I weakly asked.

"Autopsy Tables." He replied bluntly 

"That will be my next bed?" I asked.

"Da." He said in a cold voice.

"Why show me this?" I simply responded, which was met with silence.

C would pull me back and we went into the corridor, moving along. I couldn’t help but shake the feeling he wanted me to see its meaning. But why? If he’s trying to show me my mortality, why does he act like it matters? Besides, he said I couldn’t possibly know the meaning anyways. It all felt absurd, like some cruel joke. 

In my thoughts, I missed a lot, only breaking out of it when a cold wind snapped me back. We were looking at a sphere, above and below were infinitely tall pyramids, their tips pointing to a sphere with a quarter missing. Swirling arms like that of a galaxy spread out as far as I could see, orbiting the sphere. The path was narrow, and it led to the sphere, beyond, darkness swallowed everything. I was able to get out of the bed with C’s help and we walked down the path. Once before the sphere I could hear the slow rhythmic beeping of a machine, it sounded like a heart monitor. Tears welled up and my vision blurred.

I walked over, we stood where the quarter of the sphere was missing. A small bed and heart monitor were all that this area held. C would let go and let me wander over to look down upon myself. I looked old, and frail, but a smile erupted across both my faces.

"So why did my mind make this world?" I asked, falling against my bed, looking at myself.

"To try and make sense of it all. To find meaning." He spoke.

"So, what happens next?" I said looking at him.

C would not respond, only to walk over and put his hand on my shoulder in a last act of comfort.

My lungs struggled before I felt them fail. The monitor started to make an ugly sound play and the world started to collapse around us.

"There is a purpose to life." He said, looking at me.

"Isn’t it absurd then…"

[johncookewrites]

It was the same anticipation every time.

The excitement rose and rose in the final mile or so before we arrived, past the cross-roads with the big pub and bottle store, then past the big blue gum trees on the left, hiding our final destination.

I would open the car window and see if I could hear something, perhaps the howl of an engine at speed down the long back straight of our destination. Perhaps a whiff of burnt racing oil. The crackle of the pa system. All sending off that tingle of anticipation. Every single time.

Killarney was a racing circuit built out of the sands that had once been at sea bottom when Cape Town and its surroundings had a very different shape. It was rough and ready, with minimal comforts for the spectator. But this was South Africa in the 1970s and the mostly-white spectators took care of their own comforts with braais and their own hand-built grandstands. And beer, loads of beer.

The first time I went to Killarney was with my father. He chose to stand at what I later discovered was a pretty poor viewing spot, on a straight where there was never much action. I don’t remember much about that day, just hanging on the fence watching cars and bikes whizz past in a bit of a blur, and my father mocking the accent of the commentator and his excited announcement of “here come the bikes!”

I can hear that voice today as clear as a bell and it’s probably more of a memory than any of the racing that first day.

I went back to the circuit a few times with my father, once most memorably to witness a bad crash for veteran Rhodesian driver Sam Tingle who went off into a sand-bank almost directly in front of us.

Thankfully, he had only superficial cuts and bruises, but it seemed to take forever to extract him from his F1 Brabham and I was wise enough even at that stage to know that fire was always the potential dreaded consequence of bad crashes.

The real shock came the next day when the local newspaper published a large picture of Sam trapped in the car. Even though it was in black and white, the dark splashes on his race-suit were so obviously blood that it brought the reality home.

As it said on the admission ticket: ‘Motor racing is dangeroues’, underlining that this was the most unpredictable of sports and who knew what the next incident would be. For Sam, it clearly was dangerous and unpredictable, although thankfully he was soon back competing.

Soon, I wasn’t relying on my Dad to get to Killarney any more. Together with a pal, I discovered that two buses could get me the two or so miles to that cross-roads near Killarney and then it was just a ten minute walk. That was the pattern for many of my school years until I could drive myself. These were mostly solo journeys, and to this day, it’s the way I go to events in the UK.

Of course, it’s a long way from the wind-blasted sand-basted track at the tip of Africa to the green and pleasant woodland that surrounds circuits like Brands Hatch and Oulton Park, but the anticipation is still the same. The quiet before the storm of racing. Finding the best vantage point, reading the programme.

And best of all having the knowledge that, as that commentator at Killarney also said, fifty years ago, “Anything can happen, and probably will.”