#it took me a long time to figure out what they actually are

[menacingpolkamusic]

I think many women and queer people fall into the trap of treating men nearest to them as a stand-in for the patriarchy they truly hate, because the men closest to them can actually be hurt. The alt-righters threatening to rape them can't.

Unless you're like, Catholic and/or really want to, you're not required to love someone who hates you. I'm sure there's a different strategy to getting through to that person, and that's probably something male allies should take on.

But as for men who truly want to be allies but are intimidated because of women's frustrations (no matter how valid!), such as this man on the Chewed Gum show asking how to model positive masculinity + his feelings on the man/bear question, Alyssa Ljub had a great response (abridged version):

[[READMORE]]

[...] My brother [...] struggled a lot with being a very like sensitive, emotional kind of guy and that manifested as being angry and defensive when he was a teenager and through his more younger adult years, now he's 32 and a full adult and he's really understanding that what he's wanting to express is a more full range of emotions, but he didn't feel comfortable doing that because he was falling into that same mental pattern of that's not manly, men don't cry [...]

In the process of writing the TED Talk, I had given it to my brother to read and he went over it and [...] he encouraged me to look at it again and every time I referred to these like really atrocious things that had happened to women throughout time [...] he encouraged me to look at it and really consider [...] is "man" the word that I want to use, is it because men did this or is it the patriarchy, is it this system that we've created.

And at the end of the day, he was right because we all are victims of this same mentality, like this patriarchal mind space is the reason why [...] you are not super comfortable expressing a full range of emotions or it took you a long time to get there, similarly with my brother and similarly with how we all [choose the] bear and then we have a hard time understanding how men can't see it.

It's all the same system, it's the same machine and so there's a part of me that's always sort of like, it feels good to join in other voices that are able to say "bear and fuck the men who don't understand and that's not my job to teach them" and blah, blah, blah, like there's part of it that will always feel like turning the knife and it feels good for that moment but that's not actually a productive conversation and [...] that's not helping anybody.

And so the other part of it is, okay, [...] we're in this dialogue and [...] oh my gosh, men don't actually see it, they don't really understand why we feel that way and if they can't really understand it and they're in the same system that we are, it kind of is our responsibility to explain because if we don't, we're leaving them to their own devices to figure it out and when they're left to their own devices, they're at the hands of the same system that's telling them to shut down their emotions, be defensive and ignore what we're describing as physical risk that we feel with with strange men and that's not helpful, that's not helping anybody grow.

And so it's frustrating to some women, [...] "I shouldn't have to explain that" and I 100% get that, that's so valid but I think in this conversation, when we talk about how we move forward from how we have pushed men into being a specific type of person that is fitting into [...] this prototype [of] being really tough and minimizing emotions and unable to be vulnerable so that they can appear strong, when we've put men into that space, what pulls them out of it is vulnerability and softness and care and saying it's actually okay for you to want to be emotional in this time and it's actually completely okay that you're hearing this argument where people are saying bear over and over and you're like, "what the hell, I worked so hard to be the kind of man that people would be comfortable around and [...] I worked so hard to undo everything that I was inundated with as a child, like, and you still said bear?"

[...] I would encourage anybody who's listening who has that reaction of like, "I don't want to have to explain it to people. And if they don't get it, that's on them." I would encourage them to also consider how productive that conversation is. And if you, in that very moment, wanted to be productive. Sometimes we're like, "this is not worth it, I don't feel like having this conversation," whatever, that's fine [...]

I feel like that's the biggest thing that is inhibited for so many men in this system. They're not given the permission to feel everything that they want to feel and have a safe space where there might be an adult or a therapist, whatever, whoever is around them to say, "it's okay that you feel that way. And at the same time, the reason why women are saying bear is because even though you're a safe space, the information that we have, the statistics that we have about how many men are not is enough to make me say bear."

[...]

But I think at least in the way that I've experienced this conversation, especially with someone close to me, like my brother, where I've grown up with him obviously, and I've known him my whole life and seeing what made the biggest difference for him was allowing him to feel vulnerable and feel the full range of his emotions and actually process them through. Like actually see [...] "these are all the things I'm feeling and this is how we're gonna resolve it. And now I've learned something because I've actually resolved this feeling."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[mattsnight]

Hide it - Matt Sturniolo

Summary: in which Matt hides his feelings for you, but eventually can’t take it anymore.

Warnings: fluff, cursing,

A/N:

Matt couldn’t hide it any longer. He couldn’t hide his love for you. His feelings were hard to control when you were around. It was sickening. He didn’t say anything about it, because he didn’t want to hurt you or ruin the friendship you guys have. It was too important for, but he also couldn’t stuff his feelings away any longer. He was in love with you and that was a problem.

Every time you hang out with Nick Matt’s in the room. He’s always staring at you, but when you turn to look at him he quickly turns away. You didn’t think much of it, until things changed. Matt started acting weird. He was always stuttering around you and didn’t have proper conversations with you.

You had come to the triplets’ house to make some pictures with Nick. The house was mostly quiet, only soft sounds were heard from Matt’s room. He was most likely playing fortnight. You sat down on the couch, waiting for Nick to return from his room.

“Oh hey y/n..” you suddenly hear a voice say. You look at the figure, it’s Matt. A small smile forms on your face as you wave at him. He freezes at your smile, regretting his decision of coming out of his room. He was already getting nervous at the fact of his crush being infront of him. Suddenly a wave of confidence washes over him. It was now or never. “Y/N i can’t do this anymore.” He says, swallowing.

“Can’t do what?” You ask, looking at him in confusion.

“I-“ he runs his hand through his hair. There’s a moment of silence. He doesn’t know what to say. He can’t just say ‘hey im in love with you! Can we make out?’ can he? Another deep breath leaves his mouth as he tries to get himself together. “Fucking hell..” He holds his breath as he looks into your eyes to see any kind of reaction. “Can’t you see how obsessed i am with you?” A surprised sound leaves your mouth. You don’t say anything for a while, surprised by his confession.

“Jesus Y/N, say something please.” He begs. His nervousness gets worse within seconds. Did you hate him now? “I- you like me?” You ask. Realization hits you hard. He actually likes you. Your mind goes blank at the thought, all your thoughts vanishing. He slides both his hands into his pockets, hiding how badly he’s sweating.

“Yes Y/N and im tired of you not noticing! I tried everything to make you look at me, yet it’s not working.” He groans mentally, blaming himself for raising his voice at you. “Sorry… i-“ he starts, but gets cut off when you slam your lips against his. This kiss was everything he needed. Everything he needed to know you had the same feeling about him and it was amazing. It wasn’t passionate, just full of love and desperation.

Your hands slide into his hair, gently pulling at it to get closer. His hands go down your sides, gripping you tightly. You slowly start backing up into a wall, which he does too. Then he pulls back to get some air. You look up into his blue eyes, smiling. He smiles back almost immediately, wiping your hair out of your face. “That was..” he chuckles, still a hit breathless. “So fuckin’ amazing.”

Suddenly you hear a laugh behind you. You turn around to see Nick standing there. He had watched the whole scene and was laughing by it. Matt rolls his eyes, before looking away. “Took you long enough, kid. Will you stop bothering me now you’ve kissed the girl?” Nick smiles, before looking at you. “He wouldn’t stop talking about you. Seriously. It was so tiring.”

A small smile forms on your face. You look at Matt who’s now filled up with embarrassment. “I’ll leave you guys alone. Let’s do the pictures another time, alright?” Nick suggests. You nod, knowing you need time to let this sink in and spend some time with Matt.

This was gonna be great.

no nut november fic 3! I hope yall like this💞 (also i wont be posting as much since i need to learn for assignments and stuff</3)

[lazeecomet]

The Story of KLogs: What happens when an Mechanical Engineer codes

Since i no longer work at Wearhouse Automation Startup (WAS for short) and havnt for many years i feel as though i should recount the tale of the most bonkers program i ever wrote, but we need to establish some background

WAS has its HQ very far away from the big customer site and i worked as a Field Service Engineer (FSE) on site. so i learned early on that if a problem needed to be solved fast, WE had to do it. we never got many updates on what was coming down the pipeline for us or what issues were being worked on. this made us very independent

As such, we got good at reading the robot logs ourselves. it took too much time to send the logs off to HQ for analysis and get back what the problem was. we can read. now GETTING the logs is another thing.

the early robots we cut our teeth on used 2.4 gHz wifi to communicate with FSE's so dumping the logs was as simple as pushing a button in a little application and it would spit out a txt file

later on our robots were upgraded to use a 2.4 mHz xbee radio to communicate with us. which was FUCKING SLOW. and log dumping became a much more tedious process. you had to connect, go to logging mode, and then the robot would vomit all the logs in the past 2 min OR the entirety of its memory bank (only 2 options) into a terminal window. you would then save the terminal window and open it in a text editor to read them. it could take up to 5 min to dump the entire log file and if you didnt dump fast enough, the ACK messages from the control server would fill up the logs and erase the error as the memory overwrote itself.

this missing logs problem was a Big Deal for software who now weren't getting every log from every error so a NEW method of saving logs was devised: the robot would just vomit the log data in real time over a DIFFERENT radio and we would save it to a KQL server. Thanks Daddy Microsoft.

now whats KQL you may be asking. why, its Microsofts very own SQL clone! its Kusto Query Language. never mind that the system uses a SQL database for daily operations. lets use this proprietary Microsoft thing because they are paying us

so yay, problem solved. we now never miss the logs. so how do we read them if they are split up line by line in a database? why with a query of course!

select * from tbLogs where RobotUID = [64CharLongString] and timestamp > [UnixTimeCode]

if this makes no sense to you, CONGRATULATIONS! you found the problem with this setup. Most FSE's were BAD at SQL which meant they didnt read logs anymore. If you do understand what the query is, CONGRATULATIONS! you see why this is Very Stupid.

You could not search by robot name. each robot had some arbitrarily assigned 64 character long string as an identifier and the timestamps were not set to local time. so you had run a lookup query to find the right name and do some time zone math to figure out what part of the logs to read. oh yeah and you had to download KQL to view them. so now we had both SQL and KQL on our computers

NOBODY in the field like this.

But Daddy Microsoft comes to the rescue

see we didnt JUST get KQL with part of that deal. we got the entire Microsoft cloud suite. and some people (like me) had been automating emails and stuff with Power Automate

This is Microsoft Power Automate. its Microsoft's version of Scratch but it has hooks into everything Microsoft. SharePoint, Teams, Outlook, Excel, it can integrate with all of it. i had been using it to send an email once a day with a list of all the robots in maintenance.

this gave me an idea

and i checked

and Power Automate had hooks for KQL

KLogs is actually short for Kusto Logs

I did not know how to program in Power Automate but damn it anything is better then writing KQL queries. so i got to work. and about 2 months later i had a BEHEMOTH of a Power Automate program. it lagged the webpage and many times when i tried to edit something my changes wouldn't take and i would have to click in very specific ways to ensure none of my variables were getting nuked. i dont think this was the intended purpose of Power Automate but this is what it did

the KLogger would watch a list of Teams chats and when someone typed "klogs" or pasted a copy of an ERROR mesage, it would spring into action.

it extracted the robot name from the message and timestamp from teams

it would lookup the name in the database to find the 64 long string UID and the location that robot was assigned too

it would reply to the message in teams saying it found a robot name and was getting logs

it would run a KQL query for the database and get the control system logs then export then into a CSV

it would save the CSV with the a .xls extension into a folder in ShairPoint (it would make a new folder for each day and location if it didnt have one already)

it would send ANOTHER message in teams with a LINK to the file in SharePoint

it would then enter a loop and scour the robot logs looking for the keyword ESTOP to find the error. (it did this because Kusto was SLOWER then the xbee radio and had up to a 10 min delay on syncing)

if it found the error, it would adjust its start and end timestamps to capture it and export the robot logs book-ended from the event by ~ 1 min. if it didnt, it would use the timestamp from when it was triggered +/- 5 min

it saved THOSE logs to SharePoint the same way as before

it would send ANOTHER message in teams with a link to the files

it would then check if the error was 1 of 3 very specific type of error with the camera. if it was it extracted the base64 jpg image saved in KQL as a byte array, do the math to convert it, and save that as a jpg in SharePoint (and link it of course)

and then it would terminate. and if it encountered an error anywhere in all of this, i had logic where it would spit back an error message in Teams as plaintext explaining what step failed and the program would close gracefully

I deployed it without asking anyone at one of the sites that was struggling. i just pointed it at their chat and turned it on. it had a bit of a rocky start (spammed chat) but man did the FSE's LOVE IT.

about 6 months later software deployed their answer to reading the logs: a webpage that acted as a nice GUI to the KQL database. much better then an CSV file

it still needed you to scroll though a big drop-down of robot names and enter a timestamp, but i noticed something. all that did was just change part of the URL and refresh the webpage

SO I MADE KLOGS 2 AND HAD IT GENERATE THE URL FOR YOU AND REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGE WITH IT. (it also still did the control server and jpg stuff). Theres a non-zero chance that klogs was still in use long after i left that job

now i dont recommend anyone use power automate like this. its clunky and weird. i had to make a variable called "Carrage Return" which was a blank text box that i pressed enter one time in because it was incapable of understanding /n or generating a new line in any capacity OTHER then this (thanks support forum).

im also sure this probably is giving the actual programmer people anxiety. imagine working at a company and then some rando you've never seen but only heard about as "the FSE whos really good at root causing stuff", in a department that does not do any coding, managed to, in their spare time, build and release and entire workflow piggybacking on your work without any oversight, code review, or permission.....and everyone liked it

[msheadcannons]

blind date

sydney lohmann x reader headcannons

its early 2022, and you’ve never had the best experience with dating. 

for a long time, you thought your type were girls who didn’t play football at all. 

it took two failed relationships, and a failed “situationship” to figure out that maybe you needed to be with someone who understood your career

your lyon teammates noticed the pain you’ve had with dating. one day, you’d show up to training in the happiest mood, the next– you looked like the life was drained out of you. 

after a few failed dates, sara, your german teammate, casually sits beside you on the training ground benches as you’re taking a sip of water. 

“hey, i know someone you’d probably hit it off with.” 

you look at her with a curious look

“what do you mean?” 

sara plays it cool, “there’s someone i know who has been having a hard time with dating as well. luckily, she’s a footballer as well, and you both have similar personalities so i think you will hit it off.” 

she made it seem like it’s a no-big-deal kind of thing. you can tell by her smirk that she’s been plotting this. 

when you ask for details about the footballer. is she a lyon teammate too? is it someone from sara’s last club, PSG?? 

“you’ll find out. she’s amazing and kind, trust me,” 

you shrug your shoulders in defeat when she walks off before you can ask more questions.

as the day of the date gets closer, sara gives you a few hints, 

“she’s funny, a bit of a prankster, and really, really good on the field. besides, you will like how she came to lyon from where she is from for this!” 

that last part intrigues you because you can tell sara has chosen someone special and considerate.

you decide to get there a little early, wanting to make a good impression. 

as you walk in, you can’t help but scan the room, curious if she’s already there. finally, you settle into your table, glancing at the entrance every few minutes, wondering if you’ll recognize her right away or if it’ll be one of those awkward “are you…?” situations.

when sydney walks in, she immediately catches your eye. you should’ve guessed that it could’ve been someone from sara’s national team.

syd has an easygoing look as she looks around the restaurant, and you notice her eyes light up when she spots you, sara’s lyon teammate. 

she strides over, confidence mixed with a little shyness that makes her even more endearing, and introduces herself, giving you a quick hug as if you’re already friends.

 there’s a moment of silence when you both sit down, both of you a little nervous and unsure where to start. sydney breaks it first, 

“so, sara was pretty cryptic about this whole thing. all i know is you’re from lyon, and that apparently, you’re supposed to be cool.” 

you both laugh, and the tension starts to ease.

it doesn’t take long before the conversation turns to football, with sydney asking about your experience at lyon and sharing stories from bayern. you ask her questions about balancing football and uni when sydney mentioned that she is a university student.

as the evening goes on, sydney’s teasing side starts to show. 

she nudges you and says, “you know, i heard a rumor about lyon players,” 

“what rumors?”

“you guys take things way too seriously.” 

you pretend to be offended, which makes her laugh, and soon you’re both in a back-and-forth, her teasing matched by your mock defensive responses.

“well you’re german, and you guys take things seriously the most!” you laugh. 

 as you talk more, you realize there’s a lot you have in common outside of football — like your love for traveling and cooking. 

when the food arrives at the table, you both fall into a comfortable silence, and it’s in that quiet moment you realize how much you’re actually enjoying her company. there’s no need to fill every second with words. 

at one point, sydney blurts out, “you’re way more down-to-earth than i expected.” she freezes, cheeks going a bit pink as she realizes how it sounded. 

you laugh and ask, “and what were you expecting?”

“i don’t know, i was expecting a beautiful and tactical footballer like yourself to be a bit–”

you and sydney laugh as she tried to find the word she is looking for,

“well, i like to keep myself nice and humble.” 

naturally, the conversation drifts back to sara. 

at one point, sydney leans in, saying, “between us, i think sara set this up because she was tired of hearing us both complain about dating.” 

you both laugh, knowing that is the truth.

“oh i know– i just can’t believe you came to lyon just for this.” 

obviously, the night has to end at some point. when you step outside, there’s a lingering moment as you both stand there, neither of you really wanting to say goodbye. 

sydney, looking a bit nervous, says, “so… this was fun. maybe we could do it again?”

you nod, smiling, and she adds, “we should, next time let me come to munich to see you. i’ll let sara know she’s earned a ‘thank you’ from us.”

you got sydney’s number during the dinner.

sydney sends a text later before you’re about to go to sleep.

“you didn’t make lyon players look too bad tonight.” 

you respond, “glad to hear it. you weren’t half bad yourself, miss bayern.”

[bring-forth-his-sac]

Hiiii I’m the anon who sent the ask about whether I could send a request even tho it might take a while so I don’t forget!

I always have ideas for fanfics but I cannot write for the life of me 😭 so if you don’t wanna write this it’s all good :)

so I had an idea where it’s a non-apocalyptic world & the reader/character is famous? like they’re a singer & they just started dating negan & he hears the songs they wrote about him & it’s just fluffy? again you don’t have to write this it’s just an idea I had 🥺🫶🏻

sorry this took so long!! thank you sm for your patience <333 also my friend helped me with the actual lyrics in this which I am so grateful for because I don't have a musical bone in my body

pairing: Negan x singer!Reader

tags: alternate universe, established relationship, fluff, modern AU, famous AU, love songs, Negan needing to mention his dick in every convo lol

word count: 1.7k

It’s still early in the evening and yet there’s snores coming from the other room.

Negan sits on the sofa, legs stretched out. He was waiting for the melodic sounds of your piano to waft out of the room but after a few minutes, all that has emerged from your study are soft snores.

He debates going in and disturbing your solitude. While Negan knows you wouldn’t mind his company, he likes to give you your own time to indulge in music. 

Music has always been a big part of who you are and it’s something Negan has supported from the beginning.

He understands that for you, music is like your personal diary, a sanctuary where you pour out all of your emotions and transform them into a heart-wrenching ballad or the catchiest pop song he’s ever heard. 

With another snore drifting out from your study, Negan sighs and gets up. 

As of recent, you’ve been consumed by a wave of newfound inspiration, tirelessly working on numerous songs. It’s as if lightning has struck, igniting a sudden surge of motivation and encouraging you to put your heart and soul into your work.

Piano keys, the strumming of guitars and your voice has filled Negan’s ears as you put finishing touches on song after song. 

Even though he's been eager to hear a sneak peek, you've chosen to keep the new songs private until they're complete. Nevertheless, Negan has already tried to convince you otherwise. He can’t help it, as soon as he knows you’re crafting some new song, he wants to know everything about it.

But you’ve always remained steadfast and not let him have a sneak peek, even when he gives you those puppy dog eyes.

Creeping into your study, Negan’s eyes immediately go to your figure. Slumped over your desk with loose papers everywhere, you greet him with another snore. Negan smiles at the sight, immediately deciding that you need 100% relaxation for the rest of the night.

He weaves his way through the room, making sure not to step on the fallen guitar picks that have found a home on the fuzzy carpet. The walls of the room are lined with empty cases of instruments, music stands that have been pushed aside and Negan’s favourite armchair.

It’s what he always sits on whenever you invite him in to listen to what you’ve been working on. Although there are some more steamy memories too that truly cement it as being his favourite leather armchair.

Negan approaches your desk silently, careful not to disturb your peaceful sleep. Your laptop hums with life, displaying what he assumes must be a compilation of beats that are on the verge of being made into a cohesive rhythm. Making sure everything is saved, he shuts down the laptop for the night.

“Baby,” he nudges you carefully “you keep sleeping like that and you’ll be complaining ‘bout a bad back in no time”.

You respond with a soft grunt, your fatigue winning as you stay asleep.

Negan chuckles, finding your determination to nap utterly adorable. He takes a casual look around your desk, skimming over the various musical notes jotted down that he can't make heads or tails of, until he spots something else.

Lyrics.

Small fragments of verses, written out on scrap pieces of paper and sticky notes. His eyes impulsively scan what he can see, yearning for that sneak peek you’ve denied him.  

Moving carefully, he picks up one of the sticky notes and reads it.

“In every moment, I feel the spark. You’re the love that lights the dark”.

Negan has seen you weave song about your past experiences and the people in your life, but never has he thought that he might become the subject of your next ballad.

He glances down at your sleeping form as if you’ll pick up on his questioning look. Not fully believing it, Negan grabs another sticky note.

“A leather jacket, stories untold… with that smirk, you take control”.

As it is written, so it shall be. A smirk graces Negan's face as he looks down at the paper, slowly nodding to himself. Jackpot. 

You’re finally writing a goddamn song about him!

Negan doesn’t want to say it’s about time but he’s definitely been thinking about you serenading him with his own song for a while now. He blames his ego for that fantasy.

“Oh darlin’, you writing this for me?” He asks with a grin. Negan lets the sticky notes fall back to the desk and he wraps his arms around you, his chest against your hunched back and embracing you in a hug you don’t even know you’re in.

Feeling his arms around you, you slowly begin to come to. Your eyes flutter open, instantly feeling comfortable. 

“Negan?” You mumble groggily, your brain still waking up.

He hums, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek “Your world just light up?”.

“Wh-what?” a confused pout forms on your face as you move your head to look at him.

Nuzzling in by you, he reluctantly pulls back just enough so he can gesture to the first set of lyrics. “I mean, I am the love that lights up the dark, right?” he grins.

Your tired confusion suddenly shifts to panicked realisation, instantly straightening up. “Negan! Did you— No!“ you babble on hurriedly, your eyes darting to the notes on your desk “You can’t read those!”.

“Oh sweetheart, I think it’s too late for that,” he kisses your head before standing upright “and for the record, I am honoured to be your muse”.

You roll your eyes, knowing that you can’t be annoyed when you’re the one leaving bits of your next song scattered across your messy desk.

“I never said you were my muse” you point out.

Negan thinks for a moment, slyly looking for another scribble of lyrics. “Every word is his weapon, every laugh’s a tease, but in his dangerous charm is where I find my release” he reads out another excerpt, spotting it marked with musical notations.

“Hey!” You quickly try to cover the entirety of the desk, your arms spreading out over as many sheets as possible. You pout up at him, your bottom lip jutting out.

“What? I like it, it’s a good thing” he assures you, kissing your pout away “about time you let them damn fanboys know I’m your one and only. Maybe now they’ll fuck off and stop bombarding your DM’s”.

With a scoff, you warily stand and try to clear your desk. Gathering all the papers into a somewhat neat pile, you defend “Those are my fans you’re talking about!”

With a smug smirk, Negan lays a single finger on top of the stack of notes “And it’s me you’re singing about, so they can kick rocks”. 

You feign annoyance but it’s clear just how much this means to him. If you’re being honest, you weren’t sure how he’d react to a song about him. 

Despite Negan always being supportive, you weren’t sure if that extended to a pure love song all about him. A part of you was scared he would think it’s cringe or too much, but the look on his face says the opposite of that.

Maybe it’s your exhaustion but it’s as if Negan radiates a soft glow, reflecting the pride he feels. Those damned eyes, a perfect swirl of hazel hues makes you melt.

“Hmph… suppose you have a point” you let him take the win, giving him another kiss. 

“I always do,” he replies, leaning into your kiss “now, how’s about we have a nice relaxing night of being couch potatoes. Sound good to you or do you want to go back to snoring on your desk?”.

You can’t help but huff, denying his claim as you stretch your tired limbs. "I do not snore!" you protest, defensive humour lacing your tone. 

Negan wraps an arm around your waist, in case you’re unsteady on your feet considering you just woke up .

“How would you know? You’re asleep when you do it” he replies, helping you step over things within the messy study.

“But I don't…” you trail off, yawning.

He lets out a light laugh at the timing of your yawn. “What? Don’t sleep or snore?” Negan teases “it’s alright, darlin’… snoring is like singing in your sleep, it’s your musicality! Damn, I guess that’s means you’ve been giving me a private concert for the past twenty minutes”. 

It’s tempting to resist his claims but you give in to the small smile that tugs at your lips. No matter what, Negan has a way of turning every aspect of you into an endearing quality, constantly finding ways to appreciate even your most mundane traits. It’s a talent, truly.

Relenting, you lean against Negan, allowing yourself to melt into his embrace as you both move towards the door.

“Y��know, I could always help with the song too” he offers, making you laugh in an instant. 

“You? Co-write a song?” You question, turning off the light and wandering back through your home, Negan still side by side with you. 

“Yeah, I was thinking something like…” he thinks for a moment, mentally arranging the words in his head before saying “when my guy sees me, he gets hard as a brick, but how can I be mad, when he’s got that big dick”.

He gives you a grin, utterly proud of his lyrics.

You giggle, expecting no less from him as you drag Negan on to the couch with you. “Oh wow, I didn’t realise I was dating a poet” you praise.

“What can I say, doll,” Negan nuzzles in beside you “you’re not the only one full of surprises”.

With a wink, Negan gives you one last kiss before you both get comfy on the couch together, ready for a night of relaxation.

[kittenfangirl20]

Stoliz Au

Adam sipped on his coffee out of his "Hell's Greatest Boss" mug as he overlooked Pentagram City. His workers, Lute and Emily were at the conference table trying to figure out ways they could get to the human world.

Adams oldest son Cain sat there on his phone looking very interested in anything that had to do with work.

Here at Adams Angelic Assassination, they started out by protecting sinners. Either from other demons or from angels on extermination day.

Turns out people would pay a pretty penny to have someone on earth killed.

It has been a few years since Adam was cast out of heaven for questioning things. They took his halo and his powers before casting him down.

Lute and Emily didn't want him to be alone in Hell so they willingly fell. Adam reconnected with his son who was homeless at the time.

They all needed money so that's when Adam came up with the idea for his business.

Lute sighed: It's impossible! There is no way to the human releam without our angelic powers.

Emily: It's okay Lute, we'll figure something out.

Adam turned: She's right Lute! And I actually have a plan.

Lute: You do?

Adam: I do. I know of a book and where I can get it. It's our ticket up top.

Yes Adam knew where to get this book, but could he sneak in and out without being noticed.

Emily: How will you get it?

Adam smirked: Leave it to me and my stealth skills.

*Adam scouted out the royal palace, he knew the largest collection of demonic grimoires were housed in the Morningstar palace including one that could take him to Earth, thankfully Adam still had his angel wings so he fly over the gates surrounding the palace, there was a party going on, his eyes went to Lucifer who was off in a corner drinking while Lilith was talking with her friends, Adam’s heart filled with longing over seeing his first love, but Adam was here for a reason and it was to get a spell book, he hid his wings thankful for the all black outfit he took to wearing now that he could use to hide in the shadows, but before he could open the door to Lucifer’s room, he was tackled by a pair of hellhounds who dragged him to Lucifer*

Adam: Shit.

*Lucifer was chugging down a bottle of absinthe when he saw a pair of hellhound guards drag Adam in front of him, Adam had a sheepish smile on his face and he couldn’t help but realize how handsome Adam was, in fact he had a strong desire to pin Adam to the bed and have his way with him since he hadn’t shared a bed with Lilith since Charlie was born*

Hellhound 1: We saw this man trying to sneak into your room.

Hellhound 2: What should we do with him?

Lucifer: I will deal with him myself, don’t tell anyone what you saw.

*the hellhounds handed Adam over to Lucifer and the former angel reluctantly followed Lucifer up to his room, once they were alone Adam became nervous*

Adam: Look, I can explain-

*Adam’s words were cut off when Lucifer kissed him on the lips, Adam found himself returning the kiss enjoying the feeling*

Lucifer: I missed you so much Adam, in more ways than one.

*Adam felt himself getting wet with desire, one of the punishments was they took away Adam’s favorite thing, his dick, before throwing him out of Heaven and now he had a pussy instead much to his annoyance, but now he saw a way to use it to his advantage and it would give him something he had always wanted*

Adam: You realized what you missed out on and now you can have it.

Lucifer: Yes.

*they ended up on the bed, they kissed as they frantically pulled off their clothes down to their underwear, Lucifer rubbed the underwear covered erection against the wet area of Adam’s panties, they pulled off their underwear and Lucifer slid into Adam, Adam had to hold back a moan of pleasure by biting into Lucifer’s shoulder which made Lucifer even more turned on, Adam moved his hips along with Lucifer’s thrusts, after a long and passionate dance on the bed, Adam climaxed and Lucifer cum inside of Adam*

Lucifer: That was amazing, is there a way I could convince you to come around more often.

Adam: Maybe if you let me borrow a grimoire to help me with my new job.

Lucifer: Done, but you must come back to me at least once a month. How about full moon night?

*Lucifer had the grimoire appear in Adam’s hands*

Adam: Sounds perfect to me.

*they both fell asleep, Lucifer holding Adam and Adam holding the grimoire, in the morning Adam had to get dressed and sneak out, but before he could sprout his wings, he fell off the balcony and onto the table which had Lilith having breakfast with her friends.

Adam: Sorry, I fucked your husband….. actually I’m not sorry.

*Adam sprouted his wings and flew off*

@things-arent-what-they-seem66

[bittcrsuite]

all jack could do was nod. she held aspen’s gaze until the light turned green, using the opportunity to turn her head back to the road. jack was usually in control of her emotions. being around him was confusing her — especially when he owned up to his mistakes. all she could do was nod, stare and blink at aspen. she was terrified that if she tried to speak, she’d spill her guts all over him. there was so much jack wanted to say, but the thought of picking at the open wound was unbearable. and that plan totally worked — right up until they pulled up to in-n-out and there was a line that went on for an eternity. as they pulled into the parking lot, jack watched as they drove past car after car, line winding around the building before they took their place at the end of the drive thru. a minute passed, then another. the silence only grew, dampened only by the soft sounds of the stereo. jack bounced her leg anxiously, heel tapping on the car floor as she mentally begged the line to move at lightning speed. 

after another minute of nothing, jack threw her head against the headrest and let out a long groan. “fine. let’s talk about it.” she said to no one in particular, as though she wasn’t the reason they were sitting in silence to begin with. aspen had spoken his piece, only to say exactly what jack wanted to hear. she knew the other well enough to know he wasn’t lying to her — he just knew exactly what to say. it only confused her more — knowing that he could be both selfish and giving at the same time.

jack exhaled, letting out a long breath before she turned to face aspen. shifting the jiggling from her left leg to her right, the brunette shifted, turning her body to face him. she stared for a moment before she spoke again, choosing her words carefully. so much for not spilling her guts. she knew the second she opened her mouth, jack wouldn’t be able to control what she said around aspen. not when she could still feel the lingering feeling of his lips against hers. she couldn’t just pretend that didn’t affect her, even if the kiss wasn’t truly meant for jack. “i don’t want to stop talking to you. we’ve been friends for years, aspen — i’m not that dramatic.” jack liked to think she wasn’t dramatic at all, but the way tonight unfolded proved otherwise. who did jack think she was? storming down the sidewalk, pouting on the street like aspen owed her something. 

“lots of people might have crushes on you, but i don’t have crushes on lots of people.” she clarified, voice small. "for me, a crush usually means that i care about the person. despite them using me for a kiss." she smiled at her own lame attempt at a joke — anything to clear the air between them. eyes shift to the car lurching forward in front of them for a moment before settling on aspen’s features in the red, neon lights of the drive thru. “you fucked up.” jack nodded in agreement, repeating the other’s words. “did the kiss help you figure out what you want from her, at least? about how you actually feel about her? if seeing her made you snap and shove your tongue down my throat, i hope it gave you some clarity.”

his music is everything. though he didn't have much before it, he'd given up everything for it. and christ, he isn't perfect. he can admit that sometimes he falls victim to the skin piercing grip of stardom, can admit that sometimes the waves get too aggressive and the current washes him away, leaves him stranded at sea without the essence of his being.

meeting his ex-girlfriend didn't change this, he'd be the first to admit that he probably didn't prioritize the things he should've, too caught up in his fear of landing himself right back where he started. maybe he didn't give her as much attention as she craved, maybe he was too nonchalant about it all, too focused on all the wrong things, too detached. but he loves her. perhaps all he needed to do to save his crumbling heart was just show that it was crumbling. he can still vividly remember the day she told him aspen, we need to talk ---- hell, he's sure the memory will eternally cloud his mind. the replay of the exact moment his heart shattered into a quintillion pieces replays in his head almost every single day, wonders of what he could've done differently constantly cycle through the echoes of his mind.

is all of that an excuse for what he did? debatable, really, but he knows that the answer is no. and yes, even as he's starting his car and pulling off from the curb, there's a pang of regret that surges through him because of how things unfolded. though, he'd be lying if he said he regrets kissing jack, he only regrets the reason why.

it's not lost on him that she brushes him off when he admits that it's all affecting him, too ---- but he's sure he deserves that, let's the knife pierce through his chest and wound him in the same way he's probably wounded her. maybe it really doesn't matter. that's what he tried to tell himself, anyway, when they were skin to skin and out of breath on the trampoline, when he was listening to her confession fall from her lips in a syrupy babble ---- but he's not sure it rings true anymore, not after he's kissed her, not when the sweetness of said kiss still lingers in the corners of his mouth as if he's mindlessly chewing on the last piece of gum in his favorite pack. but gum always loses flavor eventually, he knows that, but he also doesn't think that jack would ever lose her flavor. doesn't think she'd ever lose the very essence that draws him into her.

❛ i'm not bribing you. i'm making sure we're still cool, yeah? ❜ can't have you mad at me like this, hurts too much. he leaves that part out. focusing on the road is hard enough. he's stuck glancing over at her periodically to make sure she's still there, like she'd jump out of her bones if it meant being as far away from him as possible ---- he's convinced she would, now. he wouldn't blame her either, would brutally claw out of his own skin and meticulously piece himself back together if it meant granting her with just some semblance of comfort. and he know he's wrong in all of this, obviously. and he'd kiss her in a million different scenarios if it meant she'd forget this one, not-so-obviously. now, the lines are blurred and he's unsure where they stand between friends, lovers, and enemies.

his brows curl at her words, a look of confusion settling over his features. he'll play the asshole role if it means at least attempting to fix this. he shrugs, ❛ people have crushes on me all the time. ❜ as if that makes the whole situation any better. then, ❛ i don't care about any of that, jack. ❜ fake girlfriend or not: she's still his best friend, no matter what.

it'd be so easy to do what he's used to: detach all emotion from the situation and calmly deal with it as if it's just a stupid math problem he's been tasked to solve for some reason. two plus two equals four, child's play. but he finds himself unable to, now, completely unsure if that's even the route he wants to take. he cares too much, evident in the fact that his brows are pressed together as he tries to focus on the road, or the fact that he's gripping his steering wheel so hard his hands are starting to cramp and his knuckles are white hot. but also, he doesn't think that there is a such a thing as caring too much when it comes to jack. in fact, if he could beat himself up for not caring enough, he'd enter the drive-thru of in-n-out with a black eye and a busted lip.

so, he knows what he has to do, listens to the thumping voice that glides through the wrinkles in his brain. he sucks in a sigh, pushes himself to start the uncomfortable conversation he knows must be had eventually, even if he believes some things are better left unsaid:

❛ i fucked up, yeah? i saw her, and it felt like i wasn't in my body anymore, and i just acted without thinking. it was a dick move to do that knowing how you feel ---- er, felt ---- about me. ❜ he wishes he could tell her all the ways he feels about her, too. ❛ so, i'm taking us to in-n-out, i owe you that. i'll drop you off at home after, and you don't have to text me anymore if that isn't what you want. ❜

he turns to her when he reaches a stoplight, the clicking of his turn signal clouding the thin mist of silence that has settled between them. ❛ that cool with you? ❜ he's sure that she knows that he's not really asking, but there's a big part of him that's hoping she can also see the muted gleam of hurt that settles in his icy blue eyes.

[hawnks]

weird teenage girls who become obsessed with what they fear, who learn their fears inside out, who ascertain expertise on their fears, and then when someone is like “wow, you know a lot about wasps, you must really like them :)” they just have to be like no <3

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

[deweyduck]

@pscentral​​ event 22: 2023 wrapped

↳ DISNEY CHANNEL IN 2023

[flying-potato2]

made this thing for taking the average item flow of a plastanium conveyor over 64 seconds because im fed up with how short the sample time is for the built in item flow meter. Every second it measures how many items are in a conveyor tile and stores each measurement. It then sums all of those up and compares it to the maximum possible value that could have been made (being 10 items for every measurement, 640 items) and outputs how many items, on average, passed through that conveyor tile every second. schematic below cut

With debugging display (the large logic display w the green and red squares)

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

without debug display

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

[criminal-sen]

Me after every single interaction I have: god I wish you weren't so fucking awkward, bud

Fyi I stole that entire sentence, possibly verbatim, from another post. I'm just venting, as you will see in the tags:/

[ohbo-ohno]

i made the horrendous mistake of watching the start of an old rdr2 playthrough while taking a break from writing and it was possibly the worst decision i've ever made

[pain-in-the-butler]

I was trying to figure out how to have Sebastian answer the phone in the next chapter of Coattails and well. can you fucking imagine

[thethingything]

I need to call our dentist today because we're back to pretty much unmanageable levels of pain, but also our gums are swollen and that side of our face is hot to the touch and our mouth keeps tasting really bad so clearly there's something very wrong

[coquelicoq]

i completely solved a cryptic crossword for the first time the other day! this is huge for me because i've always been so annoyed by them lol. but i kinda get it now, it is very satisfying to figure them out.

that said, there are several answers where i still do not totally understand the clues. if anyone who is familiar with cryptics (sometimes just called "crosswords" outside of the US) wants to help me out, i'd be very interested to hear your take!

this cryptic was in the 2022 puzzle mania edition of the nyt (released at the very end of the year), so if you are planning to solve it and haven't yet, i guess don't read this? lol. since i waited five months to do it i feel like that will apply to no one, but just in case.

i realized after drafting this post that the answer key is available online (here), but it did not actually answer my questions in every case, so i've kept my original text but added the answer key answer after each one in case it makes more sense to you than it does to me.

13A. Has misgivings about deception to an auditor (4): RUES. so "has misgivings about" is the definition of "rues". but i don't know what "deception to an auditor" is doing. could it have something to do with the fact that "rues" is a homonym and anagram of "ruse", a kind of deception? but i still can't figure out what "to an auditor" is for.

the answer key gives "homophone ruse" for this, so i guess i was right about the deception part, but i still don't get the auditor thing.

14A. A con almost grabs actor's awards left unbalanced (10): ASYMMETRIC. so EMMYS is hidden backwards in "asymmetric", which takes care of "actor's awards" and "left", and "asymmetric" means "unbalanced", i guess. so that leaves "A con almost grabs", along with the A and TRIC of the answer. i can't figure out how to make those relate to each other.

answer key says "a(symmE)trick – k (rev. Emmys)". fuck does that mean?? why are we subtracting the k? and i'm still not really sure what the con is there for?

26A. Concentrate for spare and strike (5): THINK. "concentrate" is the definition of "think". what is the "for spare and strike" doing??

answer key: "thin + K". okay i see how thin = spare but wherefore this K? does K stand for strike in baseball? that sounds vaguely familiar...

28A. African country returned Los Angeles family inheritance (7): SENEGAL. senegal is an african country, and it's also an anagram of angeles. i'm guessing the "returned" is a clue for the anagram? but what is "family inheritance" for? oh wait, senegal backwards is LA genes!! but then is it just a coincidence that "angeles" anagrams to "senegal", or is that indicated in the clue somewhere???

answer key: "rev. L.A. + genes". okay so it does sound like angeles being an anagram of senegal is a coincidence, or at least not covered in the clue?? seems like a missed opportunity but what do i know.

5D. Largely moderate Arizona city (5): TEMPE. tempe is a city in arizona. what's "largely moderate" doing here?

answer key: "temper – r". am i to understand that this is saying moderate = temper and the "largely" part of the clue is telling me to keep most but not all of "temper"?