#it takes energy to talk to absolutely everyone usually and just? jesus christ

[hazmatazz]

holy shittt i wish my therapist didn't quit and i didn't have so many issues

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

Fic: What We Don't Know Can't Hurt Us

Fandom: Triple Frontier

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Librarian!Reader (cishet female) meet-cute

Warnings: No warnings really, some language and mention of masturbation and sex. Reader doesn't like kids. Yearning. Frankie is a TOTAL DILF SWEETHEART. Sad ending.

Summary: Reader is a librarian who has to temp at the kids' section desk from time to time which is a pain because she doesn't like kids. And who is a regular if not a very hot, scruffy-looking dad with the very polite and mild-mannered daughter? Sparks fly but some things maybe aren't meant to be.

Words: 5,155

a/n: Just to be clear, this one doesn't end well. I just wanted to write something sad, I guess.

Oh, shit, there he is again. The Hot Dad.

You straighten a little in your chair and once again curse the fact that you’re working in the children’s section at the library: the only desk that isn’t adjustable. You prefer to do your service desk duties standing up, not only for ergonomic reasons but because you hate how patrons look down on you – literally – when you’re seated by the desk. Also, you tend to slouch and it’s not an attractive look. And at the kids’ section, you’re all supposed to work on the same level as the little tykes. And you’re not particularly keen on those.

You are, however, keen on hot dads. God knows you only get them once in a blue moon and if they show up, it’s usually in tow of a whole clan of children and a wife. But this dad has been in once before when you’ve had desk duty and you saw him stop at the shelf for picture books about divorce and pick out a few. You also heard him tell his little girl that she shouldn’t bring the books she chose to her mom’s. Divorcee, so fantasizing was even more allowed – although he probably had a girlfriend. Guys like that always do.

“You don’t want to lose them, sweetie,” he had explained patiently to his daughter. “You can keep them in your room at my place but if you take them to your mom’s there’s a risk you lose them and that means I have to pay for them. You see, we’re only borrowing these books, that’s what you do in a library.”

You had smiled an inwards smile when listening to him. There was nothing you loved more than parents who actually seemed to understand that all the material in the library was free at one simple condition: return it in time, in the same condition as you borrowed it. A lot of people did not seem to grasp this and made a huge deal when they failed to meet these conditions and were faced with late fees or even had to compensate for lost books. But when parents who knew how to use a library include their offspring, explain how it all works for them, well, that’s how you foster a new generation of good library patrons.

This dad did just that. And he was very careful with the books, prompting his daughter to be the same. Every book she pulled out of the stacks, he helped her put back in the right place. That’s practically marriage material right there and it was enough to make you weak at the knees, to be honest. After almost ten years working in a public library, you were disillusioned about people in general and their intelligence in particular. Sure, you liked your job enough to not cry in the mornings when you had to leave bed, and you did enjoy the work itself (mostly), but… having to deal with people was exhausting. Having to deal with little people even more so, and the worst was having to deal with adult people who had little people with them. Parents.

Hence your absolute obsession with Hot Dad who was soft-spoken, really good with his kid, understood to appreciate the library and its services, nodded his hello to you when passing by the desk, didn’t make a mess, clearly read to his kid regularly and encouraged her to read for herself. You just didn’t get to see people like that so often, and it triggered your interest. You allowed yourself to daydream about him.

Francisco Morales. You remember his name from his last visit, when he and the kid came up to the desk with their haul. You always encouraged patrons to use the self-service check-out (the less you had to do deal with them, the better), but for this guy you were more than willing to go the extra service mile, even with the kid staring at your every move from across the desk as you registered all the loans. You silently gave her plus points for not trying to “help” like some kids did, and for the quiet but clear Thank you she gave you without prompting from her father.

You’re busying yourself with the returns, loading them onto a cart, when you hear a soft, deep voice go Excuse me behind your back. You twirl around and see Morales, pulling his baseball cap off his head to reveal curls that would make any hair model cry of envy.

“Sorry to bother you,” he offers. Take me now, you think to yourself but instead, you give him your brightest customer service smile, the one you rarely give patrons.

“No worries, how can I help?”

“We’re looking for picture books about farm animals. You don’t happen to have those separated? I noticed you have some subject areas separated.” He gestures back towards the picture book stacks where his daughter is quietly perusing.

“We don’t, but I think we have some Julia Donaldsons available, let me come and have a look.”

You don’t always offer. With most patrons, you’d tell them to look under D for Donaldson and then smile sweetly and ask them if they’re okay to do it themselves. You can’t do everything for everyone, that way they’ll never learn. But for Francisco Morales and his well-behaved little girl, you’re absolutely willing to make an exception.

There are some Donaldsons that the girl, whose name you learn is Sofia, eagerly accepts when you present her with them.

“I love fawm animals,” she sighs happily as she browses the first one. “Do you?”

“Who doesn’t love animals?” You make the effort to small talk although communicating with kids usually makes you awkward.

“What’s youw favowite? Mine is bunny. And howses. And lambs.”

“Goats! I love goats, they’re so cute and sweet and playful.” You almost add something about goats being the devil’s favorite animal as well but manage to stop yourself in time.

“Is there something else you want to ask the librarian?” Morales asks his daughter. “If not, I’m sure she has a lot of work to do, and we shouldn’t keep her any longer.”

“I’m here to help,” you shrug and give him a little smile: not a polite, impersonal one that you’d give a patron, but a more intimate one. A flirty smile. “You just need to ask.”

The smile he gives you back is warm and grateful, and you realize that he doesn’t have different facial expressions for different people. He doesn’t work in customer service because if he did, he’d know the difference. Not that you ever thought he worked in retail or anything like that, well, maybe a hardware store, but no. He just doesn’t seem like the type. The way he moves his body suggests something a lot more physical.

Oh, you’d like to get physical with him, alright…

All the sucky library-themed pick-up lines flash through your head. Can I check you out as an overnight loan? Can I insert my private collection into your empty stacks? My reference desk or yours? Am I being too loud, well, you’ll just have to shush me with your lips. You’re like an overdue library book because you have fine written all over you.

Worst part is, if Hot Dad Morales tried any of these on you, you’d probably forgive him and go for it. Maybe. You’re really not that simple, but a girl can dream, right?

The kid thanks you and you return to the relative safety of the desk and the mundane task of alphabetizing returns. You need to calm the fuck down and act professional. Daydreaming is fine but you’re barely toeing the line.

God, you need to get laid. As if that’s something that one can remedy just by walking into a store and ordering a medium dick with a side of hands and tongue.

📚📚📚

The next time you see Francisco and Sofia Morales, you’re taking your lunch break in the small park outside the library. It’s a sunny day and you didn’t fancy sitting in the breakroom with your salad, listening to colleagues talking about who cares what. So you took your lunch box, fork, and water bottle, and went to sit on the park bench the furthest away from the swing set and sandbox. The weather is nice and you enjoy yourself and your break from the library’s chat service. You never know what you’re gonna get when you work the chat: a stupid question about opening hours which anyone could google the answer to, or something more complicated like requests for books with partial or no titles, rarities, or subject areas that you don’t know much about. That’s when you get to use your whole competence and really dig deep, think outside the box, solve problems. You love it but it’s challenging at times, and takes a lot of energy. Your outdoor break is welcome.

“Hi!”

You hadn’t noticed the girl walking up to you and the greeting startles you.

“Oh, hi.”

“We’we wetuwning the animal books,” Sofia informs you seriously. You have to smile.

“Good job. You want more of those or something else this time?”

“Mowe. Will you help me find some?”

“I’m not working the desk at the children’s section today but my colleague there will absolutely help you. Just ask her.”

Now you see Morales walking towards you from the swing set, carrying the large, flowery canvas tote that says “book bag” he always brings to the library.

“Hello,” he nods with that warm smile that he definitely gives everyone. “Sofia, don’t disturb the lady on her break. I’m sure she wants some peace and quiet before she has to go back to work.”

Jesus fucking Christ. How does this man just know shit like this?

“I’m sowwy,” Sofia immediately offers. “I wanted to say hello.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay,” you allow, although technically, he’s not wrong. “I’m almost done. It was nice to see you. I hope you have a good visit to the library.”

“Thank you!” She skips along and Morales chuckles as he takes off his baseball cap and scratches his head, swipes his long locks out of his forehead, then puts the hat back on.

“You’re her favorite, you know,” he tells you. When you raise your eyebrow, not comprehending, he hurries to elaborate. “Of the librarians. She says you’re the best.”

“Thank you, but whatever for?” You know you do a good enough job at your usual position and that your regulars appreciate you, but you are also very aware of not being at your finest in the kids’ section.

“You have to ask her,” Morales grins as he looks out for his kid, who has returned to the swing set and is pumping her legs on the swing, brows knitted in concentration. “But she’s very taken with you. I think it’s because you’re very calm and focused with her.”

Calm and focused??? You almost laugh out loud. That’s everything you’re not when you’re at the kids’ desk.

“Thanks,” you manage, because you have to say something.

“She’s also really interested in your tattoos and I definitely think she wants to get her nose pierced now,” Morales goes on. “I told her that we don’t comment on people’s appearance, but just a heads up, she might ask you about those.”

Ah, the unpredictability of children.

“I appreciate it.” You really do. You don’t mind talking about your tattoos or the septum ring you have but if a kid suddenly asks about it, you’d rather be prepared.

“Anyway, sorry to intrude on your lunch.”

“No worries,” you reassure him. “You can… sit down for a while if you want to? I have ten minutes left.”

Your heart beats faster at your proposal. It’s not exactly appropriate but you just want to enjoy his company for a moment. And discreetly sniff him because he smells so fucking good, woodsy and smokey but with a hint of… vanilla? You’re terrible at recognizing smells but it reminds you of some aroma reeds you had a couple of years ago that smelled like a wood cabin with vanilla sugar spilled on the floor. You loved it but like everything you love, it was discontinued.

Morales looks over at his daughter before nodding, the book bag slipping down from his shoulder as he places it next to the bench.

“If you’re sure?”

“Wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t.”

He likes your straightforward answer, you can tell from how his eyes crinkle a little and how relaxed his body language is when he sits down.

“I’m Frankie, by the way,” he says, like he just remembered that introductions are a normal part of human interaction. He extends his right hand to you and as you accept it and tell him your name, you can’t help but marvel at how huge his hand is. Big, warm, slightly damp but not in a weird way.

“Nice to meet you, Frankie.” Frankie. Francisco Morales is Frankie. It suits him better than Francisco, to be honest.

“And that’s Sofia.” He points to the girl who seems content swinging by herself. You realize you’re expected to say something nice about her to the proud dad.

“She seems sweet.”

“Yeah, she’s awesome. And she loves coming to the library, it’s all she talks about when I have her.” He clears his throat and adds: “Her mother and I got divorced quite recently. I only get her five days every other week.”

“Sorry to hear that.” Shit, it’s divorce and custody talk from the start. You have no idea how to respond to that.

“That’s life,” he shrugs, “but I figured that going to the library every time I get her could be a good routine to ground her. And then we have books that we can read together for her entire stay.”

It’s definitely a good routine as far as you can tell.

“When I was between nine and thirteen years old, my dad would take me to the local library every Monday evening,” you tell him, smiling at the memory. “My dad never opened a book in his life but he patiently read the auto and tech magazines while I collected half the kids’ section with me. When I went to tell him that I was done, he always pretended to object to the amounts, but then he’d help me carry it all to the car.”

As you tell him this, you’re looking at him, no, staring at the patchy, grey-splashed beard he’s sporting. It’s the most fascinating thing you’ve ever seen. What’s the story there, why doesn’t it grow evenly? Is this a thing? You don’t have enough experience in the field of facial hair. Is it genetic? Is it always like this?

He keeps looking at his daughter as he listens to you with a small smile on his face, clearly enjoying your little anecdote.

“That’s lovely,” he says, turning his attention back to you when you’re finished. “Dads and daughters, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

You pick up your phone to check the time. Shit. You have to return to the chat.

“I gotta go. Lunch break’s over.”

You collect your things and stand up, brushing off your skirt. Frankie stands up as well and picks up the book bag.

“I’ll see you in there?”

“I’m not a the desk today.”

“Oh.” He seems disappointed, his eyes flickering from you to the ground. “That’s too bad.”

“And the kids' section isn't my primary department.”

“The bad news just keep on coming, don't they,” he jokes as the two of you start to walk towards the entrance. Sofia jumps from the swing and comes running.

“She's not at the desk today, daddy,” she tells Frankie precociously.

“I know, mija. We'll have to ask someone else about the animal books, okay?”

Sofia doesn't seem too happy with this solution but nods. You take your leave before she has the opportunity to ask about your body modifications, and disappear through a door marked “Staff Only”.

📚📚📚

The following weeks you seem to see Frankie everywhere. You run into him at the supermarket and get drafted into advicing him on what cereal to buy for his kid. “Something healthy, but good so she'll actually eat it.” How the hell should I know? you want to scoff, but you're simping for him enough to help him choose something you'd never in a thousand years touch yourself. You see him in town one afternoon when you're running errands and he suggests you grab a coffee - holy hell, in your book that's a fucking date - but you decline as kindly as you can, citing a busy schedule when in fact you're mostly just scared out of your mind. The daydream is becoming a little too real and you're absolutely not ready for that, especially not because of the kid. If it wasn't for Sofia, you could have dared the leap, but dating a guy relatively fresh out of a marriage, and with a kid to boot? No, that's asking for trouble and you don't want trouble.

One afternoon at the kids' desk, you once again get to help Sofia find books, this time on sharks.

“She went from farm animals to sharks in one week,” Frankie confides in you when the girl is sitting quietly in a reading nook, carefully studying every page and occasionally widening her eyes at what you suspect is pictures of shark teeth. “It's sharks this and sharks that. She asks if there are sharks in every body of water she sees, from the pond in the park to the ditch outside my parents' house.”

“Have her watch Jaws and she will never want to think about sharks ever again,” you suggest, earning a laugh although the idea was probably a little bit on the morbid side.

“Maybe, but that would probably scar her for life. I actually want her to learn how to swim.”

“Then best not.”

You pick up a couple of books someone else left behind on a table and make a gesture that says I have to re-shelve these, come with and Frankie follows you to the right shelf.

“You know, she talks about you as her friend at the library.”

Now, some people would find that adorable but you don't. You're not friends with this kid, you're in a position where you could possibly influence her keenness to literature and literacy but you will always risk critique from her guardians. Being a children's librarian is like a hybrid between being in customer service, and being a teacher. You get to form young malleable minds but you are always subjected to criticism, even when you've done nothing wrong. Kids are patrons, like adults, and to have them see you as friends is only going to complicate things.

“That's nice,” you reply carefully, not really sure what else to say. It's so hard to talk to parents sometimes, one wrong words and you're basically Satan, you can't know because you don't have kids yourself, how dare you not worship the ground my offspring just vomited all over?

“You're definitely her favorite librarian.”

That you can take. You have a couple of adult patrons who come in regularly and prefer to get their reading recommendations from you. They always have time to discuss literature and they bring you a box of chocolates for Christmas.

“Well, she's easy to help. She always knows what she wants and she's polite. And quite easy to please,” you smile, meaning every word. You don't mention that the only time you like kids is when they're like Sofia is right now: reading quietly in a corner, handling the books with care.

“You're my favorite librarian as well,” Frankie adds, and now that sweet smile he's always wearing when you see him is shy. There's definitely a red tinge on his cheekbones as well and it makes you want to lean forward and kiss him on his goddamn mouth with that goddamn full lower lip that he sometimes sucks into his mouth or fucking licks...

“How many librarians do you know?” you ask and manage to sound easy-going, or at least you think so. The laugh Frankie produces is low and rolling and it makes your stomach coil in on itself. Fuck him and that deep voice he rode in on!

“Got me there. It's basically you and Mrs Wilkerson, the school librarian who scared the shit out of me when I was in elementary school. She made sure I didn't step foot in a library until, well, now.”

“Oh, I so wanted to be a librarian like that when I was a kid!” You grin at Frankie's horrified expression. “No, no, hear me out! I always had this idea that those librarians led these super rich, fulfilling lives as night-time vigilantes or that they were actually millionaires who spent their free time floating around in pools with fancy drinks in hand.”

“Were you... a normal child, besides these illusions?” Frankie teases you and before you can stop yourself, you're slapping his arm playfully. Like a girlfriend would. Or someone more intimate than a Favorite Librarian, at any rate.

“I'll have you know that the voices in my head are saying that we had a very normal and healthy childhood,” you reply with as much dignity as you can muster, while desperately wishing for the phone to ring or another patron to ask for your help. But no, the ones present seem to be managing on their own - except for one mom who seemed to have overheard your joke because she is now staring at you with hesitation in her eyes.

It's Sofia who comes to your rescue with her request of being taken to the bathroom. By the time she and Frankie are done there, your colleague has come to relieve you of your duties at the children's section.

📚📚📚

You knew of course that it was coming. You may not be that experienced in the terms of dating and relationships but you weren't stupid and you had some experience: Frankie was going to ask you out. It had to happen. Technically, it had already happened that afternoon in town when he asked you out for coffee. He maybe didn't see it as a date, but you certainly did.

It happened when you had just started your shift in the children's section and it was a fucking mess. A class of kindergarteners had just left and the teachers hadn't bothered to keep them in check, so there were not only books on every available surface, they were also put in the wrong way and in the wrong places. Your colleague who you were relieving stayed behind to help you, feeling too bad to leave it all to you.

That's when Daddy and Daughter Morales showed up. You weren't really happy about the existence of kids in the first place but made an effort for Sofia, who brought you a drawing she had made in preschool that day. It featured some figures in green, slightly reminiscent of animals and one human but you wouldn't be able to tell. Luckily, Frankie explained it to you.

“She's waited all day to give you this drawing of you with goats.”

“Wow,” you manage. “Thank you, Sofia, this was so kind of you.”

The girl is beaming with pride. “Will you put it on the wall?”

“Super probably!”

“I can see you're busy,” Frankie notes and ushers Sofia along. “We won't distract you. Come on, honey, let her do her job now and maybe you'll get to talk to her later.”

You nod your thanks and focus on cleaning up the entire department before you colleague leaves and Frankie and Sofia come to the desk to borrow this week' picks. Sofia seems uncharacteristically giddy.

“Do you want to come with us to the awbowetum?” she asks with a wide, expectant smile. Fuck shit ass hell.

“We're going on Saturday,” Frankie fills in, “and we were both hoping you'd want to join?”

Saturday. Thank goodness.

“Sorry, I work on Saturday,” you say, trying to sound rueful. It's true and you're relieved about not having to lie. “But thanks, it's sweet of you to ask.”

Sofia is clearly disappointed and so is Frankie, but he masks it better.

“Some other time, yeah?”

If it were only him, you'd tell him it wasn't a good idea. But you can't say that with the kid right in front of you. You may not like kids but that doesn't mean you want to scar them for life.

“Yeah, maybe.”

You loan them the books and as they leave, Sofia waves happily at you and Frankie shoots you one last smile that makes you press your thighs together in your seat.

Come Saturday, you're by your usual desk in the section for adult fiction and you almost fall off your chair when you see Frankie come up the stairs and straight up to the desk.

“Hi.” He's had a haircut and a shave and looks different. Still good, but very different. The dark locks of his hair are more tamed. The mustache is still there but you miss the patchy beard.

“Um, hi? Where's Sofia?”

“In the car, with a friend. We're going to the arboretum.”

“Right. I hope you have a good time, the arboretum's lovely.” You still don't understand what he's doing here and he seems to have some difficulty in telling you. Moving his weight from one foot to the other, he scratches his neck and looks down - why does he have to be so freaking cute? - before looking up at you.

“About that... I wanted to apologize. I wasn't sure it was a good idea to ask you to come with, but Sofia was so persistent. She likes you so much. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. I'm sorry.”

“That's alright,” you brush it off because there's not really anything else you can say. “Don't think about it, just go have a good day.”

“I also wanted to ask if you wanted to go grab a drink with me. Just me. Maybe next week when Sofia's at her mother's.”

Fuck, there it is. His hopeful face makes you hate yourself for the answer you have to give.

“I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Frankie,” you begin carefully. “I'm really flattered, but you're... recently divorced with a kid. That's a lot of baggage and things could get complicated. I don't want to get caught up in that.”

You've practiced this speech at home but it still breaks your fucking heart because Frankie is so good-looking, kind, funny, and sweet. You would've asked him out yourself already if it wasn't for the baggage. Fuck, you masturbate to the thought of him, for crying out loud! You imagine what it would be like to be with him, to make dinner together and watch movies and go to bed and wake up in each other's arms. You think about sex with him a lot. You make an effort with your appearance those days you know he'll show up at the library, you don't even mind the kids' section that much anymore because you get to talk to him.

You are fucking in love with him, or at least the idea of him because you don't know much about him, only that he used to be a pilot in the special forces but now he trains new pilots, he has best friends who are like uncles to Sofia (and who have been asking about this mystery librarian she always keeps talking about), he likes cooking and loves baking with his daughter, he hates working out but knows he should take better care of himself, hell, you even know what brand of milk he buys.

He's clearly disappointed but keeps a brave face, one that you can see right through because he wears his heart on his sleeve.

“I understand that,” he says quietly, mildly. “I'm sorry, I hope I didn't embarrass you.”

Jesus fucking Christ can this man not???

“No, don't worry. I'm sorry I couldn't give you the answer you wanted. It's just... not a good time.”

Shit. You shouldn't have said that. Now he might think it could be a better time later.

Frankie nods and smiles sadly. “Yeah, you're probably right.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.”

He clears his throat and nods. “I better be going. You have a good weekend now.”

“You too.”

He shoots you one final smile before he turns around and leaves. As you watch him go down the stairs to the exit level, you just want to call his name, do your run through the airport and hurry after him, throw yourself into his arms, kiss him, Jesus, imagine that somewhere there's someone who'll get to kiss him some day, tell him that you made a huge mistake and you want to go out with him, you want to have drinks with him and dinner and breakfast and lunch for the rest of your lives because nothing would make you happier than making him happy. You want to be the reason his eyes crinkle and his cheek displays that little dimple that makes you lose your train of thought every time you see it.

But it's not for you. People with kids need to prioritize their kids and you know that you can't be anyone's number two. You don't want to get caught up in custody disputes, you don't want to be "your father's new slut", you don't want to be anyone's stepmom. You don't want to have to spend five days a week in the same house as a five-year-old. Being in a relationship is difficult enough as it is and if you can make choices that avoid some of the problems, you're going to make them, no matter how much it hurts.

And it hurts. A lot. But so much in life hurts and you've made it through before.

He must already be out the door, probably in the car. Does he say something about this to his daughter and friend? Is it a female friend? No, it must be one of his army buddies, probably one of the brothers.

You pull up Frankie's profile in the library database and see his phone number. You could call him anytime. Or send a text. Keep talking to him, flirting.

Shit. It's a bad idea.

A patron approaches the desk and you force yourself to look mild and service-minded.

“Hi, do you have Hate To Want You by someone called... Ray, I think?”

“Please hold a moment, I'll check.” You stifle the sigh that threatens to escape you and hope that the day will be busy so you won't have time to think about Francisco Morales again.

[iamnotparticularlyproud]

PPB Square: Kink Discovery | @peterparkerbingo

word count: 2.7k rating: mature warnings: none ao3 link: https://bit.ly/3xpiBdx

Summary: Bucky and Peter have been together for a while, but Peter can’t bring himself to talk to his boyfriend about how their sex life is a bit - uh, well, boring. Instead, Peter searches Bucky’s laptop while he isn’t home for any sign of kink whatsoever. To say it doesn’t go as he planned would be an understatement.

Bucky’s amazing. So, so amazing, and Peter could go on about it for days - about his silly nicknames, the way he makes the Brooklyn drawl sound adorable, his unexpected dorkiness and razor sharp wit, how his hands are so calloused but he holds Peter so softly--

Days, Peter could come up with these for days. 

So, it’s not like there’s anything he wishes he could change about their relationship. It’s - they’re - perfect, everything’s been perfect. Bucky’s just so nice, and after Beck, Peter wasn’t sure he’d ever be in a relationship again, let alone one so - so good. So healthy, and so supportive. 

It’s just--

Their sex is so vanilla. Painfully vanilla. The most unconventional Bucky gets is with his dirty talk, and, yeah, Peter loves how his boyfriend will call him his sweet lil boy, and tell Peter how good he takes a thick cock in his tight ass, but that's about as far as Bucky ever goes. 

And that - that isn’t a bad thing, Peter knows that, it’s just. Boring, sometimes, is all.

Peter wishes he could talk to Bucky about it, because the man always stresses communication and talking problems out, but it’s just so embarrassing. Peter’s just thinking about it and he’s flushed, so how could he say the word kink out loud? 

He can’t. He really, really can’t.

So Peter does the only other thing he can think to do.

He steals Bucky’s laptop and rummages for any signs of kink - anything to suggest his boyfriend isn’t as vanilla as it seems. Peter knows he doesn’t have long - Bucky’s out getting takeout from their favorite Thai place, and it isn’t too far - so he doesn’t waste time as he searches all the keywords he can think of in Bucky’s unorganized folders, his internet history that’s never been cleared, the hard drive Peter got him because he complained about memory but Peter was 99% sure he never touched - he was right - and then tries his luck with the recycle bin, but--

There’s not just no sign of kink.

There’s nothing. There’s no porn at all.

Peter’s mind is blown. He hadn’t even considered that he wouldn’t find porn, he thought that everyone watched porn - and unless Bucky knew how to delete specific pages from his browser history, which Peter heavily doubts, because, c'mon - but apparently, Bucky doesn’t.

He considers that, maybe, since Bucky is nearly a decade older than him, he consumes his porn in a different way. Maybe physical movies or, godforbid, magazines.

Peter’s considering looking through Bucky’s drawers and closets until he finds proof of pornography consumption, but then someone’s clearing their throat behind him.

“Jesus, how do you--” Peter exclaims, because it’s nowhere near the first time this six foot hunk of a man has snuck up on him. Then, he glances at the clunky computer in his lap that is obviously not his, and back at Bucky, who’s looking at the laptop, and then at Peter.

“What’re you doin’ with my computer?”

Peter panics, not because Bucky seems upset, because he doesn’t, just - confused, but it’s such a weird thing to be doing, and he can’t lie at all, and this isn’t--

“Does that say porn?” Bucky asks, suddenly leaning over Peter’s shoulder, and he just sounds amused, but Peter goes on the defensive anyway.

“I-It’s just, you never, and I - this isn’t me wanting you to change, or--”

Bucky moves quickly when Peter starts that familiar stress-ramble; he circles around the couch, puts the plastic bag filled with food down on the coffee table and sits next to him, wrapping an arm around his back and shushing him kindly.

“Slow down, doll.” Bucky smiles, sincerity etched in his crow’s feet, “Can’t understand you when you’re talkin’ too fast, remember?”

Peter stops. He nods, then he takes a breath. When he lets it go, Bucky tells him to take a deeper one, so he does, and as he breathes it out, he feels the alarm fade.

Not completely, though. Not with the evidence of his snooping in his lap.

With a glance back at where porn is still typed out in the recycle bin’s search bar and a chuckle, Bucky asks, almost laughing, “What were you doin’, sweetheart?” 

Peter doesn’t expect it, but the fight drains from his body. It’s him accepting his fate, he realizes belatedly.

“I, uh,” Peter pauses, because it’s still so difficult to say the words, “was looking for porn.”

Bucky laughs for real this time, and Peter closes his eyes with a sigh. That wasn’t what he meant to say, at all.

“No - I was looking for y-your porn, like, what you watch,” Peter explains, and Bucky is still laughing, but he waves a hand.

“Yeah, I got that.” He says, making an effort to curb his laughter, “Why, though?”

Peter bites his lip. "Do you watch porn?”

He was scared that meeting Bucky’s question with a question would frustrate the man, but he only looks more amused.

“Why would I?”

Huh?

“What?”

���Why would I watch porn?” Bucky sounds genuinely confused, “We have sex almost everyday.”

Almost, Peter nearly stresses, but catches himself. Obviously, he’s dramatically misread the situation. 

“Y-Yeah, but,” Peter tries to come up with something, anything, “like, maybe, before we dated?”

“I know it’s kinda old, but I got the thing not too long before we met, actually.”

That bit of information also sends Peter reeling, and he almost argues about it - because the laptop isn’t 'kinda old,' it’s ancient - but Bucky speaks before he does.

“Were you lookin’ for the kinda porn I’m into?”

Peter nearly sags with relief. How does he always manage to get it before Peter has to explain? 

“Yeah.”

Bucky’s smile shifts, and it’s - he likes that, Peter notices, and, it’s - it's sexual.

“What, did you wanna tease me?” Bucky licks his lips, “Rile me up?”

Oh. That works, and it’s pretty true, even. Peter can work with that.

He nods. Bucky continues, and he looks so pleased.

“It’s you, sugar,” Bucky brings his hand to Peter’s cheek, and his hold is so gentle, but the calluses are rough, and it’s such a satisfying dichotomy that Peter can’t help but lean into it, “You get me wild.”

If only. Peter’s never seen him be wild. 

But he couldn’t say that. Not when Bucky sounds like he absolutely means it, and it makes Peter’s heart flutter.

Peter has been a bit weird lately. 

Well, Peter is always a bit weird, but it’s a part of his charm. He’s been acting extra weird lately, Bucky’s noticed, and while it’s just as endearing, it’s confusing, too.

He almost calls Peter out on it after he’s found him searching for porn on his computer - more than he had already, anyway - but he just gets so tense when Bucky tries to make him really talk about something. He doesn’t want to bring up that energy - not so late, anyway. 

So Bucky plans to talk to him about it tomorrow.

And Peter thwarts that plan as soon as they wake up. Usually, he’s eager to spend the last day of their shared weekend off together, but before they’ve even had their coffee, Peter’s rushing out the door with the excuse of meeting up with his college friends at a cafe. Not too long later he texted they were going to do an impromptu study group for an upcoming quiz, then, after five hours, texted him they were going to hang out more.  

Bucky tries not to be suspicious of or retaliatory to Peter even more than he’s learned to be with his partners, because the kid’s not had a great track record with boyfriends, to say the least, but this is ridiculous. When he’s been gone for a whole seven hours, under the guise of shoddy excuses, Bucky decides his curiosity needs to be sated more than Peter needs to be coddled, and his new plan is to snoop into Peter’s computer like the kid tried with him. Obviously, if he assumed Bucky would have porn on his laptop, Peter’s got some on his. 

Bucky doesn’t plan to look until Peter texts that he’s on his way home, though. He thinks it’ll be funny if the kid finds himself where Bucky stood last night.

So, after Peter texted that he’s omw, Bucky pulls out his computer. It’s so sleek, thin and light, yet wide, and he hates using it, but he’s dying to know. How much porn could Peter possibly watch, considering how much they have sex, and how busy he’s kept as a student and part-time employee?

Not very much, Bucky assumes.

And holy fuck is he wrong.

He takes a wild guess and searches porn in the convenient - but too bulky, and ugly - search engine in the toolbar, and a stupidly obviously labeled folder, not porn don’t look, comes right up. There’s several subfolders - distinguishing the videos by kink, dear God - and dozens of videos in most of them, over a hundred in a few.

What the fuck.

Bucky’s surprised - Jesus Christ, so surprised - at so many things, but - where the fuck does Peter find the time to watch so much porn? What does it mean that he’s amassed such a collection? How has Bucky never walked in on him watching it? Is there a way to see how many hours of it there are, because it’s a stupidly high amount, definitely--

Bucky takes a breath. He leans back, too, because the little previews are too much to look at, and he takes a moment to appreciate just how understandable it was that Peter was so confused yesterday. It must be unthinkable, to not watch porn, to him. But - Peter’s never even mentioned porn before, not in the half-a-year they’ve been dating, so what was so different about yesterday?

The question has Bucky sitting back up, ready to delve deeper. He starts by reading the names of the folders closer, finding it’s not just organized by kink, but by his favorite pornstars, too. The kid’s got several, all with typical pornstar names, and according to the previews, he’s got a type for big and buff. Checks out.

With another deep, grounding breath, Bucky clicks on the folder name Ultimate Favorites. It’s only got thirteen videos in it, but all the titles are a fuckin’ doozy. It’s shit like Small Twink Fucked Hard, and Daddy Pounds His Boy Until He Cries, and - Jesus fuck - Dom Verbally Abuses Sub While Anally Abusing Him. 

Bucky’s nauseous just reading that last one. He never would’ve guessed Peter was into such rough sex. Not just because the kid gets all wide-eyed and stuttery whenever sex is even mentioned, but because Peter’s just so - soft. In all the ways a person can be, really.

Bucky doesn’t know how to reconcile what he knows Peter to be like with this new information about him. He distantly knows that he doesn’t have to - that Peter’s kinks don't reflect anything about his personality, and acting like they do is only reductive - but the instinct is so strong, he can’t help but fruitlessly try.

Before he can reconsider, Bucky’s clicking on one of the more mildly titled videos - not that any of them are mild at all - just to understand better what Peter’s so into. 

The video loads almost immediately, and it doesn’t waste time with any kind of introduction - there’s suddenly two men on the screen, their size difference resembling Bucky and Peter’s to a ridiculous degree, and the larger one pushes the smaller onto a bed carelessly before climbing on top of him. It’s a bunch of shoving and aggressive groping along with cruel words and name calling, and Bucky’s never been more turned off in his life. He can’t believe this porno is among Peter’s favorites - his boyfriend’s never once let on that this is the kind of sex he’s into.

While he’s staring, Bucky’s on screen lookalike finally quitting with the rough teasing and moving onto the brutal fucking, he hears Peter enter his apartment. Bucky doesn’t mute the video, and Peter’s light footsteps stop immediately. Bucky can just see the look on his face - that caught-in-the-headlights one that makes Peter look more like a deer than Bucky thought a person could - and he stifles a laugh as the steps pick back up, this time much more hesitant. When Peter’s a good foot into the living room, Bucky turns around, acting as if he hadn’t heard him coming in.

With the computer filling the room with sounds of slapping and exaggerated moans, Bucky greets, struggling to keep a smirk off his face,  “Hi, honey. How was your day?”

Peter doesn’t answer him and - yep, there’s that look. Instead, he gapes like a fish at where his computer is steadied on Bucky’s lap, eyes wide and frantic.

“Why’d you never mention this, doll?” Bucky asks, dropping the act as Peter keeps looking like disaster is seconds away. He pauses the video and sets the laptop to the side, motioning for Peter to join him on the couch.

Peter does join him, albeit uncertain and his eyes still trained on the graphic image on the computer screen. He’s quiet as he sits as far as he can from Bucky.

“I--” Peter starts, gaze transfixed on the laptop. “Can you - close that?”

Bucky does. Peter keeps looking at it.

“You okay?” Bucky asks, chuckling.

Peter finally looks at him. He seems scared, Bucky realizes. He closes a bit of the distance between them, leaving some incase Peter feels suffocated, and puts a hand on the back of his neck, a touch Peter always leans into.

He does this time, too. He relaxes some, and Bucky prompts, “Were you scared to tell me?”

Peter relaxes even more, his shoulders falling. He nods. “I know you probably don’t care--”

Bucky interrupts to confirm with a nod of his own, “I don’t.”

“But it’s just--” Peter huffs, eyebrows furrowing, “Embarrassing.”

Bucky nods more. “It doesn’t change how I think about you.” He reassures Peter, “At all.”

“That's good.” Peter breathes, and Bucky can’t help but laugh softly. “I was starting to think it would gross you out.”

It kinda does, but Bucky doesn’t say that. It isn’t important how the porn he’s into makes Bucky feel. 

“No, baby. It doesn’t.”

Peter leans into his side, and Bucky shifts to embrace him. Silence attempts to settle around them, but Bucky can’t help his need to tease.

“So… where’d you find the time to make such a collection?” 

Peter cringes. “I, uh, started it years ago.”

Bucky raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t know why he didn’t assume that - it’s a seriously massive collection - but thinking of how far back years suggests, and how Peter is just twenty-two, he can’t help but ask for clarification.

“How many years you talkin’?”

“Uhh…” Peter trails off, seeming to really think about it. Bucky can see the moment he finds the answer, and his expression closes.  “...several.”

Bucky decides to wager a guess. He doesn’t really know why he wants to know this answer, but he thinks it might help him understand just how into kink Peter is.

“Sixteen?”

Peter whines. “Jamie.”

Bucky’s eyes widen. “Fifteen?”

Peter pulls away a bit to cover his face with his hands, and he whines unintelligibly this time.

“Christ, it wasn’t younger than thirteen, was it?”

Peter shakes his head. “N-No, I--” His words are muffled by his palms,  “I was fourteen.”

Bucky breathes a sigh of relief. Peter can’t lie for shit, so Bucky can tell he isn’t just appeasing him. 

Then it hits him just how long Peter’s been fantasizing about this kind of sex.

“You’re really into this stuff, huh?”

Peter burrows further into his hands. Bucky rubs his back, and considers his next words carefully.

“If you want, we could explore some of the tamer stuff you have in there.” 

Peter drops his hands from his face and he looks excited for all of two seconds. Then, his expression falls. “None of it’s… tame. I mean, I guess--” Peter cuts himself off to cough, wincing as he tries to get the words out, “uh, im-impact play isn’t, you know, hardcore, I guess.”

“Spanking and stuff?”

“...and stuff.” Peter says with a flush. 

“We’ll start with spanking,” Bucky laughs, adding just in case, “if you want to.”

But it wasn’t necessary, because Peter brightens immediately. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.” 

Peter smiles wide, and Bucky can’t help but return it with one of his own.

[jackiearbs]

things that rwrb characters have said that i will never forget, a thread:

alex claremont-diaz, giving off dumbass™ energy (he has the most on this thread, for obvious reasons) 

- "put them in my room, put them in my room, put them in my room-" 

-  “Jesus Christ, it’s like they can see into your soul. cornbread knows my sins, Henry. cornbread knows what I have done, and he is here to make me atone.”   

- "do it for the 'gram"

- "leading member of korean pop band bts kim nam-june" 

- "whatever, fine. henry is annoyingly attractive. that’s always been a thing, objectively. it’s fine.”

- "see attached bibliography"

- "i said, you look great, baby!”

- "yo there’s a bond marathon on and did you know your dad was a total babe"

- "awesome, fuckin' love doing things out of spite.”

-”Huge Raging Headache Prince Henry of Who Cares”

-”it is amazing you can sit down to write emails with that gigantic royal stick up your ass.” 

- “who names a dog David? He sounds like a tax attorney.”

-” “Do I go on your side of the cubicle and turn off your Dropkick Murphys Spotify station, no matter how much I want to?” Alex demands. “No, Hunter, I don’t.”

- “for fuck's sake, man, you just had my dick in your mouth, you can kiss me good-night.”

- “Bake Off makes Chopped look like the fucking Manson tapes.”

- “THEY KNOW. THEY KNOW I HAVE ROBBED THEM OF FIVE-STAR ACCOMMODATIONS TO SIT IN A CAGE IN MY ROOM, AND THE MINUTE I TURN MY BACK THEY ARE GOING TO FEAST ON MY FLESH.”

- “You’re from Boston, Hunter. You really want to talk about all the places bigotry comes from?” (he really hates hunter goddamn) 

-”so, what? you want me to quit politics and go become a princess? that’s not very feminist of you.” 

hrh prince dickhead😎  - "the moment you first called me a prick, my fate was sealed. O, fathers of my bloodline! O, ye kings of olde! Take this crown from me, bury me in my ancestral soil. If only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when American boys with chin dimples are mean to him.”

-"“I’ve been gay as a maypole since the day I came out of Mum, Philip.”

-”i will turn this car around.”

- “yes, the cocaine, alex.” 

-”i am a delight!”

-”have i mentioned lately that you’re a demon?” 

- “are you psychoanalyzing me? i don't think royal guests are allowed to do that.”

- "i can't believe even mortal peril will not prevent you from being the way you are.”

-“the phrase ‘see attached bibliography’ is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me.”

-"i just mean to say, you know, Philip is the heir and I'm the spare, and if that nervy bastard has a heart attack at thirty five and I've got malaria, whither the spare?”

- “they wanted something less fruity than the truth, but truly, what is gayer than a woman who languishes away in a crumbling mansion wearing her wedding gown every day of her life, for the drama?”

- “You are a delinquent and a plague. Please come?”

- “fat and sexually conquered, snuffed out in the spring of my youth. Here lies Prince Henry of Wales. He died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock.”

june:  “- that is a clear quartz crystal for good vibes do not @ me.” 

- “He’s just so frail, it’d only take one good push-”

- “ugh! men! no emotional vocabulary. i can’t believe our ancestors survived centuries of wars and plagues and genocide just to wind up with your sorry ass.” 

nora: 

-”sorry, are we not? did i skip ahead again? my bad. hello, would you like to come out to me? im listening. hi.” 

“prince henry is a biscuit. let him sop you up.”  

- “you’ve been, like, Draco Malfoy–level obsessed with Henry for years.”

- “i don’t know, man. I was in my junior year of high school, and I touched a boob. It wasn’t very profound. Nobody’s gonna write an Off-Broadway play about it.”

dahra: 

- “You need to get back to fucking England now, and if anyone sees you leave, I will personally end you. Ask me if I’m afraid of the crown.”

- “both sides need to come out of this looking like your little slap-fight at the wedding was some homoerotic frat bro mishap, okay? So, you can hate the heir to the throne all you want, write mean poems about him in your diary, but the minute you see a camera, you act like the sun shines out of his dick, and you make it convincing.”

-”come on, you backyard-shooting-range motherfuckers,”

ellen (should i say PRESIDENT claremont) 

- “Diaz, you insane, hopeless romantic little shit"

-  “I had Planned Parenthood send over all these pamphlets, take one! They sent a bike messenger and everything!”

- ”where? Are you hiding a turkey habitat up your ass, son? Where, in our historically protected house, am I going to put a couple of turkeys until I pardon them tomorrow?”

-“As your mother, I can appreciate that maybe this isn’t your fault, but as the president, all I want is to have the CIA fake your death and ride the dead-kid sympathy into a second term.”

PEZ !!!

- “frolic naked in the hills, frighten the sheep, return to the house for the usual: tea, biscuits, casting ourselves onto the Thighmaster of love to moan about the Claremont-Diaz siblings, which has become tragically one-sided since Henry took it up with you. It used to be all bottles of cognac and shared malaise and ‘When will they notice us’-” 

-”-and now i just ask henry, ‘what is your secret?’ and he says, ‘i insult alex all the time, and that seems to work.’” 

**extra: nicer quotes from alex and henry 

alex heartthrob diaz  - "never tell me the odds"

-"we were not afforded that liberty."

-“I hate this so much. I know. But we’re gonna do it together. And we’re gonna make it work. You and me and history, remember? We’re just gonna fucking fight. Because you’re it, okay? I’m never gonna love anybody in the world like I love you. So, I promise you, one day we’ll be able to just be, and fuck everyone else.”

- “On purpose. I love him on purpose.”

- “history, huh? Bet we could make some.”

- “But the truth is, also, simply this: love is indomitable.”

-“Take anything you want and know you deserve to have it.”

- “Someone else’s choice doesn’t change who you are.”

- “I am the First Son of the United States, and I'm bisexual. History will remember us.”

- “America: He is my choice.”

- “Give yourself away sometimes, sweetheart, There's so much of you.”

- the entire list of the things he loves about henry. i would die 

henry: 

-”i’ll be damned but i miss you.” 

- “when you rang me at truly shocking hours of the night, I loved you. When you kissed me in disgusting public toilets and pouted in hotel bars and made me happy in ways in which it had never even occurred to me that a mangled-up, locked-up person like me could be happy, I loved you. and then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back. Can you believe it?”

- “it sounds like you did your best.”

- “I’ve bloody well had it. I’ve sat about long enough letting you and Gran and the weight of the damned world keep me pinned, and I’m finished. I don’t care. You can take your legacy and your decorum and you can shove it up your fucking arse, Philip. I’m done.”

- “Should I tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I’ve just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?”

[abnormallynice]

Confession By Proxy

Read it on AO3

Collab with the wonderful @kirbychan234​ to make a prequel fic/comic for the First Date Comic I made a whiiile ago because everyone was curious why exactly Neku was so beaten up. I did the pretty pictures and they did the amazing words and stuff! ;D

Go give KirbyChan some love on tumblr and AO3 for writing the fic portion and making me squee with their writing >:3

Neku sighs as he drops his bag to the side, the door to his apartment sliding shut on its own. It’s late, he’s tired and sore and way too lazy to worry about unpacking right now. He’ll do it tomorrow. Or maybe never. Whichever one comes first.

Instead, he goes over to his closet and starts to remove his scarf and coat. Once those are deposited on the floor as well (he’ll hang them up later, he swears), Neku reaches to close the door. 

“Have fun?”

The voice makes Neku jump and fall into his still open closet. “JESUS-!” Very unmanly, and he can hear laughter behind him that makes his blood boil. 

Joshua looks as smug as ever when Neku turns around to glare at him. “Close,” he replies airily. “But not quite~” And he shrugs, like he didn’t just scare the living daylights out of him.

“For fuck’s sake-” Neku groans as he sits up. “Text. Doorbell. Knocking. PICK ONE. Seriously, that’s all you’d have to do.” 

Neku cuts himself off when he feels a familiar jolt of pain in his arm. He grabs it without thinking and feels a warm wetness, and when he pulls his hand away, his fingers are tinged with blood. “...Shit.” 

He doesn’t even see Joshua move, but suddenly he’s there, kneeling down beside him, and with a surprisingly gentle touch on his wounded arm. Neku feels his breath catch in his throat as Joshua looks over the bloodstain with calculating eyes. “What is-?”

The gentle hand is smacked away. Joshua’s pity is neither wanted nor needed. “Nothing,” Neku says while quickly getting to his feet. “It’s nothing.” 

“That doesn’t-”

Neku doesn’t give him a chance to say anything else before quickly darting off. He runs into the bathroom and locks the door. He can hear Joshua sigh exasperatedly but he hardly cares. There’s a way more pressing issue right now. He already aches all over; he does not need this. 

There’s a soft knock at the door. Oh so he does know how to knock. “What are you hiding, Neku?” Joshua asks easily. 

“I said nothing!” Neku yells back. “Just leave! Poof away, magic genie!”

He can practically feel Joshua rolling his eyes, but Neku ignores it. What he can’t ignore, however, is the sudden chill running down his spine. This sensation...it’s familiar, he’s definitely felt it before, almost like-

Noise?

And then the sensation is gone as quickly as it appeared. In its place stands Joshua, inside the bathroom, having come from nowhere and looking none too impressed. Neku freezes, not only from surprise, but also because Joshua can see the stitches in his arm now. “Don’t DO that! Can’t a guy have some damn privacy? Go away!”

Joshua has clearly had enough. Neku can barely blink before Josh was in his personal space once more, grabbing his face and looking him over. Neku squirms, but Josh holds strong, appraising the bruise on his jaw and the bandage on his right eyebrow.

“Mm.” Josh hums and eventually lets Neku go. “Face is fine. Although it looks like one of the stitches on your arm came loose.”

“Huh?” Neku looks down to his arm. Well. That explains the blood. “Oh. Shit. Uh, I should really go to a hospital-”

Joshua puts a finger over Neku’s mouth, smiling pleasantly like usual. “No need for that, dear~”

Neku feels himself blushing, and he hates it, because he knows Josh isn’t taking this seriously. And he’s got that tone again, like Joshua knows something he doesn’t. Then again, what else is new? “Shut up,” he grumps. “I don’t need you revealing another improbable mystery that is Joshua Kiryu. Leave me alone.”

To absolutely no one’s surprise, Joshua doesn’t listen and instead gently takes Neku’s arm in his hands. “Now now, let’s take a look. I’ll be but a minute, and I’ll even do it free of charge.”

“That’s a lie.”

“No lies this time~” Neku resists the urge to groan. This time, he says. Ugh. “Won’t you tell me what happened though? I didn’t expect you to come home all beaten up.” 

He really doesn’t want to. But Neku gets the feeling Josh won’t let it go until he does. So…

The room is quiet when Neku finishes, the only sound is the small rustling of Joshua rebandaging Neku’s arm. They moved into Neku’s living room while he explained what happened, Neku sitting on the couch and Joshua sitting on the nearby coffee table. It’s hard to tell what Josh is thinking; nevermind that Neku can barely see his face from where he’s sitting. It still annoys him, because more than likely, he’s smirking that smug smirk of his. 

“The fine line between bravery and suicide,” Joshura starts, and yep, that smirk is there. Neku knew it, and it annoys him even more. “You sure know how to tightrope across it, don’t you, Neku?” His tone betrays sweetness, laced with sarcasm instead. It makes Neku grit his teeth. “What would you have done?” He snaps, and then immediately regrets his question. Knowing Joshua, he’d probably take a video or something. 

Besides, no matter what Joshua, or anyone for that matter, thought, Neku doesn’t regret his decision. He doesn’t want to imagine what kind of injuries a six-year-old girl would get with an impact like that. “Ugh, nevermind. It’s just a scrape anyway, it’s not a big deal.” 

Joshua raises a brow at him. “Oh? “Just a scrape”?” He doesn’t look impressed, and Neku’s eye twitches at his tone. “One that needed twelve stitches?” Okay so maybe it’s a little more than that, but whatever. “Be grateful your little falling act only bumped it instead of tore it open even more. This’ll last much longer since, well, I bound it this time~” 

Neku rolls his eyes. “My savior. Yay.” 

The chuckle that follows makes Neku nervous. He jolts when he feels arms lean on his legs. Joshua is very close now, staring up at him from between his knees, resting on his haunches and leaning his arms on Neku’s thighs. Neku has to fight hard not to blush. “So snappy,” he says with another laugh. “Is the child still grumpy about the argument we had before he left?”

There’s that tone again. Neku’s embarrassment dies down quickly, and he sighs. “Would you stop? I don’t have the energy.” And he’s not lying, but he also really just doesn’t want to talk about this right now, not when Josh is being such an asshole about it. 

But...now that he gets a better look at Joshua, it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to be an asshole...at least not right now. He actually looks curious, like he’s actually bothered by the fact that Neku could still be upset. Which is stupid, because Neku knows better than to think Josh could be bothered by anything. 

Other than, you know, attempting to kiss him and then having him disappear for five years. But that’s neither here nor there. 

“I...was,” Neku finally replies honestly. “...But I get the reasons why you couldn’t come along.”

Joshua’s smile is, for once, soft. He leans his cheek on his arm (which is still on Neku’s leg what the fuck Josh). “Is not having me under your constant supervision that upsetting? Would putting a leash on me satisfy?” 

Neku tries to ignore that mental image and huffs. Well excuse him for being paranoid about his friend disappearing again for another five years. Really, Joshua has nobody to blame but himself for that. “Oh please,” he replies. “As if I could ever control you. I’d never want to, and even if I ever tried, I know I can’t. I just wanted…”

He trails off, looks anywhere but at Joshua. “I just...wanted my friend to come with us on a trip, that’s all.” And Neku curses his heart rate for speeding up at the word “friend”. “I don’t know why I got so upset that you couldn’t go. Of course you couldn’t have gone, I know that, but…” 

Joshua cuts him off with another laugh. “Aw. I’m touched, Neku,” he says, amused.

Neku is frozen. What a time to remember what Shiki said, now, with Joshua so damn close to him. And with his heart rate betraying him even more, feeling like it’s about to explode out of his chest. Joshua is so close, Neku wouldn’t be surprised if he could hear the damn thing. 

If he does, Joshua doesn’t comment on it. He’s still far too close though. “Maybe it’s better that I didn’t go, seeing how you ended up,” he says lightly. “It seems like it was far too exciting a trip for my tastes-”

“Why do you keep touching me?” Neku interrupts him, unable to look at him, and wanting to get his rapidly beating heart to calm the fuck down, Jesus Christ. 

“Hm?” Joshua’s smirk turns playful. “What’s wrong? Afraid I’ll bite, dea-?”

“STOP.” 

Neku’s voice even surprises himself. But thankfully it does the trick; Joshua stops his tease and is now looking more serious than Neku has ever seen him. He sits back a bit, gives Neku a little more breathing room, but doesn’t stop looking at him. Keeps silent as if waiting for Neku to continue.

He swallows, nervous, and leans his arms on his legs where Josh just was. “Just...just stop dancing around my questions. For once, just give me a straight answer.”

Joshua keeps quiet, and Neku bites his lip, staring at the floor. “Why do you keep touching me so casually? Why only me? Why…” He sighs. “Why does my heart break every time you do?”

He grabs onto Joshua’s sleeve, still refusing to make eye contact. “Why did you come back? Why did you leave? Did our friendship mean nothing to you? Am I nothing to you?” With every word, Neku feels himself start to get choked up more and more, and it shocks him. Why is this just coming out now? 

Finally, Neku finds the courage to lift his head, and meets Joshua’s gaze.

As soon as the words leave his mouth, Neku freezes. ‘Wh-what? Why did I say that? I meant *like*!’ His throat refuses to work anymore, and now there’s no way he can save this. He clutches Joshua’s sleeve tighter. ‘No! I fucked up! Don’t leave me…!’

“I don’t know.” 

Neku lets out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. Joshua’s voice betrays no emotion; it’s impossible to know what he’s thinking. “You make me feel at ease. I think I might have some yearning, but then again, I’m probably not the best judge.”

He’s so matter-of-fact that it throws Neku for a complete loop. “Huh?” 

“I’m answering your questions, Neku,” Joshua replies patiently. “As honestly as I am able.” Neku’s heart jumps in his throat when Joshua takes his hand delicately. “I came back because I wanted to understand. I left because I didn’t understand. And no, you’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had. I’m not sure what you are, but “nothing” is far from it.” 

Then Joshua takes Neku’s other hand, looking so damn gentle. Neku isn’t sure how he’s even breathing at this point. He’s pretty sure his heart is about to pop out of his chest at any second. “And finally, I might have still left. I don’t know. But I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you want me to.” 

It takes a moment for Neku’s voice to work again. “Uh…” he finally manages to get out. “Wow. I’m...surprised that actually worked.”

As if the past few minutes didn’t happen, that smirk was back on Joshua’s face. “Better take advantage of my honesty while you still can~” he says, and presses Neku’s hand to his cheek teasingly. 

And shit, that’s actually really cute? Neku flushes horribly and sputters, a little miffed that Josh rendered him speechless far too many times in the short hour or so he’s been here. “Um - uh - what - what’s your social media password?”

Without missing a beat, Joshua replies, “dr0p_d3ad_g0rg30s.”

How the hell did he do that with his mouth??? “Did you let me win at Tin Pin Online?”

“Yes, but only the first time.”

“How old are you for real?”

Joshua laughs. “Old enough~” 

And just like that, honesty hour is gone. “That’s cheating!” Neku huffs. 

Even if Josh doesn’t bother with a response, that’s fine. There are other things Neku wants to say anyway. “Um so, one more question?” 

“Alright.”

Neku bites the inside of his cheek, hesitates. “Do you...wanna date?”

Joshua hums, looks to be in deep thought, though his smile softens quite a bit. “Sure,” he replies. “I’ll go steady with you, Neku.” 

Holy shit. Neku can’t believe this is actually happening. Internally, he’s screaming. On the outside, however, all he can do is clear his throat. “Dope.” 

Okay that was lame as hell. But he can’t take it back now. 

“My turn.” 

Neku snaps to sudden attention. “What?”

“I have questions too,” Joshua adds. “I believe it’s my turn, if you’re done~” 

Uh-oh. Neku doesn’t like that look in Joshua’s eye. He takes a deep breath, willing himself to believe that the worst has already passed. “Uh...okay, sure.” 

“When are you going to stop asking dumb questions and kiss me?”

Neku’s internal screaming, which had calmed down in the last few seconds, suddenly shoots right back up even louder than before. It takes an absurd amount of self-control to not shriek like a giddy school girl asking out her crush. Instead, Neku manages to take a deep breath, cough, and finally answer. “I was getting to it, smartass.” 

[twokinkybeans]

Hello! I absolutely love all of your stories! I have a request, can you do a Starker story where Peter and his class go on a field trip to stark tower? I don’t really mind what happens there I just really want to see the ship. If you can thanks so much 💗

THIS GOT OUT OF HAND SO HERE IS CHAPTER 1/3!

Tower Excursions - Chapter 1: Science Rules

(Read it on AO3)

Summary: Peter is 9 years old. Parents still alive. Still friends with Flash. They go on an excursion to Stark Industries, right before the events of Iron Man 2. Side note: Tony is not romantically/sexually interested in Peter until chapter 3, when they are in an established relationship. Warnings: Even though Peter and Flash are still friends in this chapter, Flash is already bullying him. Other than that, not much, tbh?

Rating: Mature (just to be sure for later on lol).

I hope you enjoy! -Lien

...

“Mister Thompson, you’re old enough to know you shouldn’t stand in a driving bus, please take a seat,” the young teacher sighs while tightening the pony tail on her head. They’re nearly at Stark Tower now, so obviously it was difficult for most students to keep their cool. They all showed it in their own way. Flash got even more talkative and jumpy, something Peter never understood. They’re best friends, have been since kindergarten, and they know each other inside and out. When excitement hit Peter, he turned more inward, like a star waiting to implode, as opposed to Flash’s bomb waiting to explode. They were opposites, yet it fit. Obviously, the school wanted to go to Stark Tower to get them interested in science and technology, something both Flash and Peter already kind of were. However, anybody who cared even the slightest, was more excited to get a glimpse of Tony Stark. Of Iron Man. The metal hero. Even though the chances were slim, they couldn’t help but bounce on the bus seats. Because, what if… The class was going to go and do some kind of interactive walk through the building’s public spaces, with one special look inside a child-friendly lab. Erica had quietly asked how they would be able to get inside a dog and Mrs. Marie had to calmly explain that a laboratory and a Labrador are two very different things. … About two hours after they arrived, they’re in the child-friendly lab. During the tour of the building, nearly everyone forgot about Tony Stark. The place itself is wonderous and gigantic. It’s filled with moving gadgets and displays of future technology. The famous Arc Reactor gets promoted on pretty much every banner they pass. The students were allowed way more than they were at Oscorp two weeks earlier. Stark Industries sure sparked the kids’ interest in science and technology, as was the goal of this trip. Most of the other students were involved in the interactive tests, but Peter had seen all of that fairly quickly. He wanted to know more about the science behind it- he didn’t just want to watch it happen. Peter was all over the place. He’s wearing his dad’s favorite “Science Rules” cap – he was allowed to borrow it for the day – and bounces from desk to desk, asking endless questions that the pedagogically trained scientists answered accordingly. Some seemed surprised by Peter’s brightness, but the young boy didn’t really notice as he was usually quickly distracted by the next shiny project someone else was working on. With a short: “Thank you, bye!” he made his way to the other scientists in the room. “Peter, check this out!” Peter rushes towards Flash, who called for him. The boy has his face pressed against a glass balustrade that looks out over four levels of open space. “What is it?” Peter asks as he mimics Flash’s pose, pressing his open palms and his nose on the surface. “Are you blind?!” Flash exclaims, nodding at the ground floor, two floors below them. Peter follows his friend’s gaze and gasps when he spots him. “Tony Stark!” Both kids immediately waddle their feet in their place, not daring to look away from the legend who is having a casual chat with a red-haired woman. Peter and Flash giggle with delight, but eventually fall silent. “We should go say hi,” Flash whispers. “We- We can go say hi!” “As if! I’m not going down there,” Peter replies, not taking his eyes off Tony. “He’s probably super busy.” Peter is startled when he notices Flash reaching out for him. The boy grabs Peter’s father’s cap from his head and swiftly tosses it over the balustrade. “Flash! No!” Peter shouts as he stands up straight to reach over the fence in an attempt to grasp the cap. When he fails, all both kids can do is watch the hat fall and fall and fall and it seems to take forever before… Thunk. Flash’s face pales and he runs off, leaving Peter – who is frozen in fear – behind. The boy is stuck, clutching the balustrade with both hands as he stares wide-eyed at how Tony Stark picks up the cap that hit his shoulder on the way down. He reads the words that are on it and then looks up, making eye contact with Peter. The boy is so caught up that he barely notices security freaking out around Tony for what happened, but the man dampens the situation by raising the cap above his head and pointing at it with his free hand, nodding up at Peter. “This yours?” … Peter took the blame. He didn’t want Flash to get in trouble and so, both he and Mrs. Marie get taken to a separate room by security. The woman chuckles nervously, certain that she screwed up for losing track of Peter, and that she’ll never be allowed back in Stark Industries. Peter just feels massive guilt for inconveniencing so many people. After a minute of scared silence, the door opens. “But, sir-“ “It’s alright.” Peter perks up at the voice he has heard on TV so much. He turns, jaw slack, as he looks up in awe at Tony Stark, wearing his cap. The man’s attention turns from the security guard to Peter. “Mister Stark, I am so sorry-“ Mrs. Marie stands up and squeezes her hands together, bowing her head in shame. “Don’t worry about it. If I didn’t want things like this to happen I wouldn’t have opened my labs to youngsters.” Something about Tony’s words seems off, like he was frustrated that she distracted him from why he was here. “You can go, I wanna talk to the boy. Alone.” “Tha- sir, that’s highly unorthodox-“ Mrs. Marie protests, but one stern look has her press her lips together. “Just wanna talk about the cap.” Tony shows a tight smile and gestures at the door. “Besides, I believe you still have three hours left to keep an eye on your other students during this excursion.” Mrs. Marie rushes out after quickly thanking Tony for not being in trouble. He leaves the door open and sits down in the desk chair opposite Peter. “Richard Parker?” Tony says casually as he places his feet on top of the desk and cocking his head. He takes off the cap and shows the little label with the handwritten name inside of it. “Tha- ehm…” Peter stutters. “My dad,” he pushes out quickly. “Huh,” Tony says with a curt nod, turning the cap to look at the front again. “Smart guy. Had a couple chats with him a while back.” Peter’s eyes widen in shock. “You know my dad?” “I mean, he’s not in my phone’s contact list, but we’ve had some talks at conventions before.” Tony puts his feet down and leans forward. His elbows rest on the desk. Peter frowns slightly when he sees some dark lines in Tony’s neck. Are those his veins? “Which has me wonder if you’re bright as he is.” “I’m nine,” Peter retorts without thinking. Tony snorts surprised and can’t help a chuckle. “You sure are.” The man seems to ponder for a bit and then he tosses the cap on the desk. “Tell you what, kid.” Peter swallows, scared that this is the hour of reckoning. As much as Tony doesn’t seem angry, Peter is still afraid that he will get punished for what happened. “You get to ask me one question.” The boy frowns again, so Tony quickly continues. “If it’s a good one, you get your cap back and you can go.” Peter opens his mouth, immediately knowing what to say, but Tony raises his index finger, stopping the kid from talking with just a gesture. “If it’s a great one, I’ll give you a tour of the place myself.” Peter immediately wants to ask what the difference between a good and a great question is, but realizes that would be an immediate throwaway of the one question he is allowed to ask. The stakes are high, he can’t screw this up. He licks his lips and takes a breath. His head bows down to look at his fiddling fingers and then back up, noticing the faint glow coming through Tony’s dress shirt. “I read somewhere that the arc reactor uses cool fusion to regulate temperature…” Tony’s eyebrows shoot up surprised. “But I- when we went to Oscorp two weeks ago, we talked about nuclear energy and there someone said the most ideal element to use for cool fusion is palladium.” Peter swallows. “If that is in your body… How do you keep it from poisoning you?” The man’s jaw tightens and his expression sterns. “Still working on that,” he mumbles, nearly quiet enough for it to go past Peter. Peter blinks. Once. Twice. Did he just ask a question even Tony Stark himself has no answer to? No sound is made for a full minute. Peter can hear his heartbeat thump between his ears, though his breathing is slow. “How old did you say you are?” Utter disbelief seeps from Tony’s words. “Nine, sir.” “Jesus Christ.” “Does that mean it was a great question?” This time, it’s Tony who blinks. Once. Twice. “Yes, kid.”

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[serendipityunho]

Cuts & Curses II

× genre: smut, college au × pairing: boxer!Jongho x Reader (fem.) × word count: 7.4k × warnings: depictions of violence, inflicted injuries, explicit language, grinding, blowjob, handjob, praising, hickeys, unprotected sex, overstimulation, explicit sex

× synopsis: Jongho didn’t need much convincing to come home with you and find himself between your legs after a long day battling off his arch-nemesis from your feelings. 

→ PART ONE

☁️: please read part one (link above) to understand the references used in this fic. angry jongho is hot jongho. i don’t make the rules.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

As much as you wanted to desperately flick this pen lid right at the head of your professor, you just didn’t have that energy. Especially not today at least.

“... don’t forget to read the theories during the holidays!” It took more effort to fully process the class was over than to unstick your ass from the mildly uncomfortable cushion seats in the lecture theatre. 

It was almost as if some of these kids didn’t know what basic manners were, not even a single mutter of a simple ‘sorry’ was heard when their legs knocked at yours. Well, it was a Christmas break now after all. No one had the time or energy to stay on campus any longer, neither did you.

You found it oddly comforting to just walk slow, letting people swift past you as they eagerly unlock their cars and link arms to go home and enjoy the most of their starting break. There wasn’t anything waiting that you needed to attend to immediately, so why not take the time strolling through the merely empty library?

It was basically another sanctuary apart from the diner and your cheap Ikea bed that was on the verge of breaking. Thank fuck there were always sales after Christmas, may as well get yourself a new bed. 

“Going somewhere?” You could recognise that brooding voice even if it came from the gutter. 

Jungkook’s augment frame leaned against the wet rails leading up to the double doors of the library. Gosh, you wanted to just slap that smirk off his face. 

“What’s it to you?” The grip on your bag strap tightened as you barely managed to nudge his rock-hard shoulder when pushing past to the double doors.

“I’m just askin’, everyone’s gone home already. Why are you still here?” Jungkook followed you closely behind, almost feeling the warmth from his body against you. 

“Because I want to? What are you doing here?” You spun around, making him stop in his tracks and shoving his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

“I was actually looking for you” 

“Looking for me? Why? Came to brag about your win ag-”

“I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me?” This time it was you stopping in your tracks. Did you really just hear that come out of his own mouth?

“What?”

“Do you want to have dinner with me?” Did you mention how badly you wanted to slap that smirk off his face?

“You’re fucking kidding right?” You couldn’t help but choke a small chuckle, hoping he was just throwing words out of his mouth without meaning.

It’s absolutely unbelievable how Jungkook could just blatantly ask you to dinner after numerously bragging about his “easy” win. And especially after the shit he’s done to you.

“Does it sound like I’m kidding?” He may be a liar, but you stayed with him long enough to be able to tell when he was and wasn’t lying. 

You could’ve sworn there was a slight sense of sincerity in his voice. Maybe it was just your tired brain giving up rational thought slowly. 

“What makes you think I would want to have dinner with you?” You spin back around on your heels, inching deeper into the shelves of lined hard-cover books to hopefully bored Jungkook enough to finally give up and leave you alone.

“I’ve changed” 

“And I’ve grown in height-”

“Please. Maybe you don’t want to go like that but maybe as friends?” 

It was never usually so hard to just respond with a simple ‘no’. It was the fact that you actually quite missed times like that with Jungkook, laughing and smiling at each other on cute little dates he’d take you on.

“You’re going to need to do more convincing than that” Your fingers run along the hard spine of one of the books in the fiction section of the library, eyeing the little detailed imprinted on the front. 

After inspecting all the intricate selections, you found yourself catching eyes for the one behind Jungkook, pushing past his broad frame to snatch it out from its spot before flipping through its contents as you paced around. You were so invested in it that you almost forgot there was person literally following you around the books like a creep.

“You never needed much convincing” The book shut closed with a snap as Jungkook held it above his head.

“Well, that was before you fucked another chick after telling me you loved me” It really did hurt to recollect those memories every time you saw him. Just a little less this time.

“I was stupid, we both were-”

“Yeah, I was stupid enough to date you”

“Listen, just one dinner. Please. I promise I won’t bother you again after” A part of you really wanted to just walk away, telling yourself you wouldn’t fall for the same bullshit again.

The other just really wanted to give him a chance, maybe he’s changed. Maybe he’d be better as a friend rather than a person baring your heavy grudge.

“Fine, one dinner- as friends” 

“Of course, just friends” Behind that cocky smirk you hated was a smile you genuinely missed. Keyword missed. 

Jungkook being the careless guy he is, just stuck the book he was holding into a random unallocated slot before taking a hold of your hand and turning his back as he strode closer to the door. With an arithmetic pace like this, you were bound to end up tripping over your own feet here and there.

“Jesus Christ- slow down!” Your tired legs struggled to keep up with Jungkook’s, muscles burning as you ran out of breath whereas he didn’t huff and single pant.

“We won’t get a table if you keep walking like that” Now you knew where he was taking you. It was quite a cliche to be completely honest. 

“Please don’t tell me you- oh and you did” The two of you halted at the entrance of a small diner. 

It also happened to be the same diner the two of you had your first date in, the same one your eyes sparkled at his laughter. Were you too stupid to see what was happening? 

“Hope you still like those mushy fries and flavourless milkshake” Jungkook leaned back against his chair, eyeing you from top to bottom as you sat in front of him. 

“They’re not as bad as your soggy buns on your dry burger” Almost every single memory in this place came flooding back in an instant as the two of you reminisce of your odd food choices back in your relationship.

“Out of all places, you had to pick this one?” 

“It was the closest one, and I didn’t feel like driving either” Jungkook leaned forward, arms crossed in front of each other as he tilts his head to the side.

“Why did you drag me here then?”

“I wanted to talk”

“Talk? You’re a very vague man, Jungkook” It was quite an improbable silence before he corked up that cocky smirk of his again, this time it was starting to grow on you by how much you found yourself facing it.  

“I miss the way you say my name...” No surprise he’d say that, not that he actually meant it or anything. 

“Stop-”

“What? Are you shy?”

“I’m sure you like other girls saying your name just as much as you do with me” It wouldn’t be surprising if he did to be honest. 

“No one says it like you do” Now he was just fucking with you.

You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this flustered to the extent of fiddling with your fingers and dipping your head to avoid eye contact. Actually, it was with him too. 

“And a million other girls have heard the same thing from you, haven’t they?” 

“Not a million, just you” Oh god, what were you supposed to say to this? Compliment him back? It’s been a while since you’ve done that.

“We’re here as friends” You needed to establish that in case he had already forgotten.

“But are we really? You’re blushing” Now you really knew what was going on.

“I always blush” No you don’t. 

“And you always look so beautiful doing so” What the fuck is this guy doing?

“Jungkook, sto-”

“I miss you, so much,” If only you could fight your heart right now you’d be out of this diner by now “, I miss us, the way we had fun” Your hand felt the warmth again as Jungkook placed his hand over yours, rubbing his thumb against yours.

You wanted to punch him, right there and then for fishing that buried emotion in the pit of your stomach. The feeling of genuinely missing him. You didn’t want that. You already know the consequences of succumbing to those closeted emotions. 

The only thing you could concentrate on was the buzz of small talk around you and the ring of the small bell on top of the door. It was that moment of the ring, Jungkook’s eyes snapped away from yours. 

“What the f-” Jungkook straightened his back, eyes narrowing into a piercing glare.

“Let’s go” You were just as shocked as he was, your neck strained at the sight of Jongho glaring down at you, jaw clenched as he kept a stern glare locked on you.

“So you two are dating now, are you?” The chair scraped loudly against the checkered floor, turning all heads to your table as Jungkook faced Jongho with icy death stares. 

“What’s it to you?” You could’ve sworn they were about to kiss by how close in proximity they were in.

“Jongho, stop, please-” It certainly was scary enough in the ring when these two fought each other, much scarier now that you were up and personal in the space.

“What the fuck are you doing with this asshole anyway?” Jongho points a finger at Jungkook as his eyes narrow even more.

“The fuck did you just call me?” They were like two deers head to head with their foreheads clashing together, neck veins almost popping as they try to push each other back. 

From the corner of your eye, you could see a line of people flooding out the door as mutters and whispers surround you. Even the ones still here cowered in their booths and watch with a peak. 

“Now is not the time for this shit, take it outside, please-” 

“Yeah let’s take it outside why don’t we?” Jongho stumbled back with a huff from Jungkook’s hard push against his chest. Oh boy. 

“You motherfu-” Jongho threw himself at Jungkook, grabbing him by the collar before slamming him against the table, causing distant screams to be heard in the background as more people continued to rush out of the diner.

Jungkook thrashed under Jongho’s hold before headbutting him, making Jongho’s grip on his shirt loosen. He took the opportunity to push Jongho off of him and swing back his arm ready for a punch.

A hand flew up to your mouth with the sound of Jungkook’s fist meeting Jongho’s cheek. Shooting yourself up from your seat, you try and attempt to hopefully end the squabble. It was almost as if you were invisible to them the moment they see each other because no matter how hard you tried to push Jungkook back from Jongho, he just wouldn’t budge.

“Jungkook, stop!” Your fists didn’t affect him whatsoever despite all the nudges and hits you threw him to stop him from throwing another punch.

“Stay out of my way” You were shocked at how far you managed to fall back from a single swipe to push you out of the way. 

Jongho smeared his thumb across his lip, wiping the small amount of blood oozing out from his cut lip. Anyone could sense the anger this boy was radiating, it was almost deadly. 

The two clashed once again, this time Jongho had managed to throw one in before Jungkook fell to the ground with a hard thud and reddened cheeks. But before he could land another hit, you managed to bring yourself in front of him, raising both your arms up and making him halt.

“Jongho, let’s just go. Leave him, it’s not worth it” It was the first time you’d seen Jongho like this despite already seeing him punch it out in the ring. This right here was pure anger.

It took a minute for Jongho’s panting to quiet down before taking his eyes off a groaning Jungkook on the floor. Jongho’s eyes flickered to you before grabbing a hold of your hand and rushing out the exit. 

The cold breeze hit you like a brick the moment you came out, it wasn’t this cold ten minutes ago when you were running across the lot with Jungkook like  lovesick children. You halted in your spot with Jongho’s back facing you, crossing your arms as you wait for some sort of response. 

“What were you doing in there with him?” Jongho turns on his heels, huffing out a long breath before shoving his hands in his jacket. 

“You don’t get to ask me shit without telling me how you found me- oh and why you just randomly decided to tell me to leave-”

“You’re fraternising with the fucking enemy, isn’t that obvious enough? Didn’t this guy fucking cheat on you? Or did your brain decide to stop working after today?” 

“First of all, yes, he did do that, but we were just here as friends. He wanted to talk which, obviously, didn’t turn out well for either of us, and I was going to leave anyways before you showed up” Furious would be an understatement right about now.

“As friends, right. That’s not how it fucking looked like” Oh god, please don’t say he was...

“You’re the one who should be doing the explaining and not me. You can’t just start unnecessary fights and then drag me with you to what? Argue?” 

To be honest, it was getting a lot colder the more you stood in the open. But you didn’t want to show it for your pride’s sake. Jongho seemed unfazed by the cold, comfortably warm in his brown suede jacket. 

“I dragged you out because I-” Your eyes narrowed at Jongho, waiting for him to continue only to be faced with a blank expression.

“- You know what? Nevermind, I was just angry. I needed to let it out on somebody I guess” Jongho inched backwards before slowly turning his back towards you, stepping to his car.

“Y-You’re a bad l-liar, J-Jongho!” Hopefully, he didn’t catch onto your stutters from the cold. 

Jongho didn’t bother looking back at you as he drifted out of the parking lot, leaving you shivering in the cold. You could never get a valid answer out of that boy.

“Dickhead” Right now, the diner was the only warm place apart from the library, but that place was probably closed by now. Your feet shuffled against the rough pavement, inching closer towards the steps of the diner again. 

From where you were standing, you could see Jungkook still inside, sitting at one of the stools with an ice pack held against his face as he slumped forward. You questioned whether or not you should go back inside, address him. 

Fuck it, inside was warm. 

The familiar ring of the bell caused Jungkook to turn his face slightly, probably spotting you from the corner of his eye as he dropped his ice pack onto the counter. You swallowed the lump in your throat before walking towards him, sitting on the stool beside him.

“I thought you would’ve gone home with your boyfriend” Jungkook chuckled, biting the inside of his cheek.

“He’s not my boyfriend”

“So I still have a chance?”

“Highly unlikely”

“Why not? Don’t you miss me too? I’m sure a bit of you does”

“You’re so unbelievable” Now you’ve had enough of him. Shaking your head, you began to push yourself off the stool to make an exit. You’d rather face walking home in the cold than dealing with his nonsense again. 

“Wait,” Jungkook grabs your wrist before you managed to slip away from him “, let me walk you home” Was this guy serious?

“No thanks,” Your fingers pry off Jungkook’s hold on your wrist before turning your back “, you’ve caused enough trouble”. 

“No funny business, I swear” 

“You said you wouldn’t bother me after I went with you to the diner”

“I said I wouldn’t bother you after you had dinner with me and we never actually had dinner because of your boyfriend- sorry, Jongho” You forgot he was always a cocky smart-ass sometimes.

“No funny business” 

“No funny business” 

You couldn’t believe you actually agreed to his offer even after everything that had unfolded just five minutes ago. It was either that or keeping your cheap pepper spray on hand while walking home alone.

You made sure to keep a distance between the two of you, cautious and wary of possible tricks and illusions Jungkook probably had up his sleeve. That boy was always prepared when it involved another female in his presence. 

Neither of you said a word. You were still agitated of to Jungkook’s sudden confession. Did he really want you back or was it just another scam? Who knows. Thankfully, your brain was bigger than your heart. 

It was a silent walk home. Almost a little too silent considering the fact that you actually forgot there was another person walking beside you.

“Do you still keep a key under the mat?” You fiddled with your keys as Jungkook leaned against the door, waiting for your response.

“That’s none of your concern”

“Why? Scared I might catch Jongho in your bed?” 

“What the fuck is your deal?” With a key in the hole, you could just escape from Jungkook’s nonsense right now. But curiosity got the best of you.

“What? I’m just askin’. If you two aren’t a thing, then what the fuck just happened at the diner?”

“Even I don’t know, okay? He’s just- Jongho, that’s all” 

“The boy’s already got you fucked up. You know I can treat you better than that” You wanted to scoff at his face, how fucking ironic.

“You’re not getting me back”

“It was worth a try” Jungkook turned his back before you could say another word to him, still appalled at his trashy attempts to mend a broken relationship between the two of you.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

No amount of TV and m&m’s could draw your mind away from the two boys, especially Jongho. Was he okay? Should you text him? No, he’s probably passed out on his couch with Creed playing in the back. But your phone was right there, it didn’t make it any easier. 

You huffed a sigh before placing the bowl of m&m’s onto the coffee table, snatching your phone before falling back onto the couch. Your thumb hovered over the contact, too hesitant to press down on it.

It was either now or in six weeks once classes started again. The phone stayed silent for a solid second before emitting a ring. You could’ve sworn it was your heart ringing instead of the call. 

The room echoed with the silent ring of your phone until it was silent. No answer. 

You just stared at the ceiling until the light on your phone disappeared. There are many questions running through your head from the predicament you had gotten yourself into just two hours ago. 

He looked awfully upset, which was a rare sight to see. Ever since that night in the locker rooms, he wasn’t the same. Maybe you said something that burst his bubble. He did say some ridiculous things though.

“I don’t love you. Yet” 

“Shut up, you can’t just say shit like that”

“Like what?”

“Things that would keep me up at night”

“Things that have the ‘L’ word in them?”

“Things exactly like that”

“I love your eyes, I love your hair, I love your body-”

Your heart can literally not shut up at the memory. You couldn’t help but smile looking back at that night despite undoubtedly catching a cold.

Jongho’s actually never been the type to say things like that. Not to your knowledge at least. Now it’s really gotten you to conceptualise the thought. 

It wouldn’t hurt to give him another ring, you found yourself wanting to talk to him even more just thinking about it. 

“What do you want?” A groggy voice answered the phone, it was almost forced. 

“Where are you?” 

“I’m at- ummphh home” From the sounds of it, he was definitely not at home. Anyone could tell that was a fist to a punching bag. 

“I told you you’re a bad liar, Jongho”

“I’m at the gym” Jongho would never go to a gym, especially when he was an illegal underground boxer with access to a private ring at any time without disturbances. He’s just not about that public life. 

“What for? There’s no match tonight-”

“If you don’t have anything serious to say, I’m going to hang up now. Bye-” You weren’t even phased by his sudden attitude, it was nothing new you had to experience after that night when you, kind of, rejected him?

The red numbers on your digital clock sitting on your kitchen counter from across the room glared at you, beaming 8:21 PM brightly. Without a doubt, most gyms in the area would be closed by now. There was only one option and that was the underground. 

It wasn’t far from your old apartment building. Still quite safely distanced for you to walk to without any fear of the unknown in the midst of the dark. 

The flickering street lights only made you feel wary and oddly enough made you feel like you were off doing something illegal and sketchy. Well, you’re going to an illegal underground boxing venue for christ’s sake. 

The old storage building on top of it was nearly abandoned, perfect to cast away onlookers from the commotion downstairs. Now, it’s used to store random equipment and other gym goods. 

Usually, there would be some sort of security by the door when you walked in, but there were no matches tonight. Thank god for that. You couldn’t stand seeing Jongho getting tumbled around with fists to his pretty face.

From a distance, you could hear the faint sounds of grunting and panting as you walked down the familiar corridor. The boxing ring was to the left, empty, cleaner than before. It was impressive how they completely cleaned it of the bloodstains splattered from previous matches. 

To the left was the locker room. Yes. That locker room. You still wondered how you just decided to fuck some guy in a public-but-not-so public shower with hygiene concerns completely thrown out the window. Who knew what kind of germs this underground shower had. 

In front of you was another corridor, leading to another large room. The lighting was slightly brighter than the room with the boxing ring in it. It had all the necessary training equipment for a professional boxer. 

Jongho’s shirt stuck to his back from the sweat, you could see the outline of his back muscles through the thin material as he threw hard punches. His calves were insanely defined, flexing as he jogged in his spot with his arms raised defensively. 

“Ahem-” Jongho’s head snapped a three-sixty as soon as he heard you clear your throat for his attention. His brows lowered as he recognised you.

“You shouldn’t be out at this time” Jongho holds the punching bag still before ripping the velcro strap off of his boxing gloves with his teeth.

“That’s a bit hypocritical coming from you” You leaned against the frame of the entrance with your arms crossed against your chest as you observed Jongho from a distance. 

“Why are you here anyway?” The boxing gloves fell into Jongho’s bag with a thud before the zipper seals it away.

“Came to see you of course” 

“You’re already bored of that asshole so you came to see me? That’s nice” Jongho’s eyes never met you the second time the moment he started packing away all his stuff, hair dampened in his sweat as his skin glistened under the lighting. 

“I’m not bored of him, he just isn’t you” That honestly sounded better in your head, it made you cringe hearing that come out of your mouth but it was true.

“What do I have that he doesn’t I wonder” 

“A lot more than you think” You watched as Jongho twisted the cap off his bottle, taking a large gulp of his water before turning his gaze back onto you.

“Go home, it’s late” 

“Not until I get a proper explanation” 

“Explanation of what?”

“Of your little outburst at the diner, genius” You heard Jongho sigh as he slung his bag over his shoulder, stepping closer to the exit, stepping closer to you.

“I told you, I needed to get out some anger-”

“Don’t make me repeat myself”

“I’m tired, can’t we talk about this in the morning or something? Maybe when I’m not so sweaty?” 

“Why don’t you go take a shower and then we can talk about it?”

“What, you want to join me again?” 

“For the record, I didn’t join you, it just sorta happened” A blush crept well on your cheeks as you had to recall that moment.

“C’mon, let’s go. I need to lock this place up” Jongho made sure to carefully push past you out the exit, gripping one strap of his bag as he dipped into the dark corridor with you following closely behind.

You didn’t know whether you were too close or too far behind from the lack of lighting supporting your vision. For all you know, you could be breathing right down his neck.

The night’s cold air engulfed you the moment you stepped out of the building, making you clutch your hoodie with crossed arms as Jongho twisted and turned his keys. 

“Why do you keep avoiding my question?” A look of confusion washed over Jongho’s face as he came down to the bottom of the steps.

“Not everything needs an answer”

“This one certainly does. It’s like robbing a bank and asking the cops why you’re going to jail” Unbelievable this kid. 

Jongho looked defeated, he really couldn’t get himself out of this one. Now, what’s left if for him to face it.

“Let me walk you home” Oh he was definitely trying to avoid it all right. 

“Only if you promise to stay and talk about it” Now you know you’ve won. 

With a huff, Jongho followed you closely behind, hands shoved in the pockets of the same jacket he had worn before. It looked quite warm, to be honest. 

After a quiet walk down the street with a few turns, you stood in front of the old apartment building. It wasn’t much but it was enough to keep you warm and safe in this town.

“Don’t even think about trying to run away” You could see Jongho inching backwards away from the steps from the corner of your eye as you twisted the key into the keyhole of the building’s entrance.

“For the record, I didn’t actually promise anything so I can just leave now” Your foot was halfway through the door when you turned back around to Jongho further down the sidewalk than before.

“Don’t you want to stay the night?” Now that was something that had seized his attention.

“Why would I want to do that?” Jongho turned around almost immediately, eyes softening as he hesitantly stepped closer.

“Because it’s cold and you’re tired?” 

“You’re actually not wrong” Well that wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be.

The inside of the apartment building wasn’t much less colder than outside, it did take away your shivers though. Jongho’s footsteps were unmistakably louder than yours as the two of you treaded up the steps to your door before unlocking it with a click that welcomed you into the warm apartment. 

Jongho stepped inside with his eyes all over the place, simply inspecting the unfamiliar place. It was quite embarrassing for him to spot the bowl of m&m’s you had forgotten on your coffee table.

“Now tell me” 

“Oh my fucking god,” Jongho chuckled as he threw his head back in defeat, slumped on the couch with you seated cross-legged beside him and head rested on your fist. “, you’re unbelievable”.

“You seem to like that about me”

Jongho let out a sigh before facing you, turning his body so that now he was slightly a little closer making you feel a faint of his breathing against your arm.

“You want to know why I did what I did at the diner?”

“That’s the whole point of bringing you here” 

You could see the faint scar on his eyebrow from that night, it was the scar of the cut you tended to after his loss in the ring against Jungkook. All his other cuts were gone, it was just that one that was still there, maybe permanent.

The last time you were this close face to face with Jongho was when he told you to be his. Since then, you never bothered to give him a valid answer.

“I didn’t want you getting hurt” 

“What do you mean ‘getting hurt’? You don’t think I can take care of myself?” You found it quite diverting that Jongho actually cared about you.

“Everyone gets hurt by their ex more than once, trust me, I know” 

“I’m not dumb like that. No offence” Jongho huffed a stifled chuckle as he dipped his face to hide a small smile.

“You’re smart, yet you still can’t figure it out”

“I can’t think when I’m nervous” Your breath hitched at the back of your throat as Jongho leaned closer with a soft smile on his face. 

“You’re nervous?” Now you were.

“Does it look like I am?” You could’ve sworn Jongho’s eyes started sparkling as you gazed deeper in them. Were they getting bigger or was he just getting closer?

“I make you nervous, don’t I?” Yes, yes you do. 

“You’re not even doing anything” It was simply just his voice, his face, his everything. 

“Neither do you,” You were frozen in your spot as Jongho brought a hand up to tuck your hair behind your ear before cupping your face “, yet you still manage to make me feel things I shouldn’t”. 

“Things like what?” You never realised how close he was until you felt his forehead rested against yours.

“Things that have the ‘L’ word in it” The only thing you could hear was the sound of your heart almost thumping out of your ribcage. 

Jongho’s touch was so soft and delicate on your face, his hands were gentle with you as they trailed down to your neck and to your waist. His eyes never left yours as they drooped with each centimetre decreasing between your lips. 

Your head stirred a bit before tilting to the side, lips heavily brushing against Jongho’s before locking them. You never knew how much you had missed the feeling of his lips against yours until now. They were so perfect and plump as your lips moved in sync with his hands scrunching the material of your shirt at your waist.

Your head felt lighter with each passing second, you couldn’t help but to bring your hands up to his face and letting your fingers tangle through his hair. It only brought your bodies closer, but not close enough. Your legs push you off the position you were in and slung over each side of Jongho, making you sit on his lap. An awfully too familiar position you found yourself in. 

A deep groan emits from the back of Jongho’s throat as his hands rummaged all over your back with your hips rocking back and forth subtly on his crotch. You could feel the enlarging tent against your soaked pussy from under your pants. 

Your chest pressed against Jongho’s as his tongue frisked with yours and his hands gripped firmly on your hips helping you rock back and forth against his hard cock underneath his sweats. A quiet whimper left your lips in between the kiss from Jongho’s hard squeeze on your ass that prompted you to grind harder and faster on his crotch. 

“I can’t believe we’re doing this shit again” 

“You’re the one who mmph fuck- invited me inside” Jongho slid his hands underneath your shirt, smoothing them over your skin before hoisting the shirt above your head and tossing it to the side.

“Fair enough” Jongho’s lips pecked yours before pursuing his kisses down your jawline and to your neck. You hugged Jongho’s head close to your chest as his wet kisses smother your entire upper body. 

Jongho’s hands mesmerised you with his lingering touch all over your back and ass, playing with the clip of your bra before unhooking it, letting your breasts free from its cups for him to take one into his mouth as he caresses with the other.

The feeling of his tongue swirling around your nipple only made your pussy clench around nothing but gush at the sensation. His warm breath fanned over the skin of your chest, raising goosebumps as the wetness in your panties spread.

You tug at Jongho’s shirt, scrunching the bottom before raising it over his head and carelessly tossing it away. The outline of his pecks wasn’t too prominent, but they were still there for you to be able to trace them with a finger. You couldn’t help but to just smooth your hands over his chest as his lips fell back onto yours. 

Jongho’s thumbs hooked under the waistband of your pants as his fingers rest on your hips. He tugged at them before hooking the rest of his fingers underneath to pull them down as you slowly got onto your knees for him to bring down your pants with your panties.

It was the same look on his face from the other night, this time just with a little more lust. Jongho looked up at you with droopy eyes as his hands roamed your bare ass, pushing your body closer to his.

“Have you figured it out yet?” It was a mere whisper but you could hear him perfectly clearly. 

“I won’t believe you until you say it” You kicked off your pants and panties, leaving you sitting naked on Jongho’s lap as you hooked a finger under the waistband of his sweatpants.

“It won’t mean anything to me if you don’t feel the same” Jongho looked away only for you to cup his face and turn his gaze onto you again.

“Let me show you how I feel then” You smashed your lips back onto Jongho’s again before letting your hands squeeze his thighs as you lower yourself onto your knees against the carpet.

Jongho’s jaw clenched slightly as he bucked his hips for you to pull his sweats and boxers down to his ankles before taking his sprung cock into your hand. His head fell back with a groan as you pumped his pulsating cock slowly with one hand as the other massaged his tense thigh. 

“Fuck” You felt more satisfied each time Jongho’s abdomen tensed with each pump. With a lick of your lips, you leaned forward, lips brushing against his throbbing tip.

Jongho’s hand found their way onto your head, fingers combed through it as he scrunched your hair together in a make-shift ponytail. You could feel him throbbing just by the tip of your tongue as you lined the side of his dick with the tip of your tongue, satisfaction washing over you as you watch him twitch underneath your hold.

You give him a few kitten licks at the tip before wrapping your mouth around his girthy cock, swirling your tongue around as your pussy gushed over the sounds of his deep moans. His cock twitched in your mouth as you pumped what you couldn’t reach with one hand.

“Fuck- keep going, just like that ohmygod” You bopped your head faster up and down his dick, looking up occasionally with furrowed brows and doe eyes to meet his lustful ones. 

Jongho groaned louder as his legs stirred more evidently from your hums against his dick while it hit the back of your throat. The grip on your hair grew tighter, almost making your scalp sting from it.

“Come here, baby” There was something about him calling you ‘baby’ that made your heart flutter. Smiling teasingly, you got up from your knees and back onto the couch where Jongho pinned you underneath him before attacking your neck with his lips, sucking a little too long on the same spot. There was probably a purple gift waiting for you there.

You could feel the tip of his dick poke at your entrance ever so slightly, you couldn’t help but bring your hips closer in hopes for more to fill your neediness. But Jongho only went down further, from playing with your breasts to kissing a line down your stomach before stopping right above your throbbing clit.

Jongho shot a droopy glance from below, making you bend your legs, letting him hook his arms underneath your legs. It was quite a view with Jongho intently gazing up at your with his face dipped between your legs.

You could feel his warm breath hit against your clit, making you clench here and there before he gave you a few kitten licks. Your head fell back as your arms retracted above your head, sliding under the cushions in the corner of your couch.

“Jongho” He gripped your thighs harder, holding you in place as he sucked on your clit and swirled his tongue around it before dipping to your folds and sliding his flattened tongue up and down. 

It was body-stirring the way he latched his lips onto your folds with his tongue swirling around everywhere and nose buried against your clit. A shaky moan left your lips as you subconsciously started to grind your hips against his face, fingers holding back his hair as he immersed himself between your legs.

“Mhmphh fuck- right there” Jongho unhooked an arm from under your leg, bringing it up to one of your breasts before squeezing it with your hand over his. 

He moved his tongue as if he were hungry, making your hips buckle further against his face. Your nerves sparked left and right each time Jongho’s nose rubbed against your clit, making your eyes roll back in pleasure. 

“You look so fucking perfect” Jongho unlatched his lips from your folds, crawling back up over to you.

“Don’t I always?” You cupped Jongho’s face, caressing his cheek with your thumb as the tip of his dick poked further at the entrance of your pussy, making your brain shrivel into a cloud with a slow agonisingly pleasureful stretch. 

“Even more perfect like this” Your mouth hanged wide as your eyes widened with the sudden stretch from Jongho’s cock sliding in. 

“Fuck ohmygod-” Jongho hoisted your legs around his waist before hovering over you again, rocking his hips slowly as he buried himself deep in you.

“I forgot how you fucking felt around me oh my fucking god” A small whimper came from the back of your throat as Jongho dipped his face in the crook of your neck and his hips slapping against yours faster with sounds of skin slapping against skin bouncing off the walls. 

You couldn’t even force a single coherent thought out of your mushed brain with Jongho thrusting into you with an unreckoned speed. Almost all of the air inside your lungs were knocked out from each thrust, leaving you gasping inaudibly.

Thank god you had mistakenly left a small gap of the window open otherwise you’d have a sweat patch on the couch you laid upon. Jongho’s skin was still soft as you smoothed your hands over his back, feeling each muscle with every thrust as his forearms supported him off the couch. 

Jongho’s face appeared again after dipping into your neck, his lips parted as he brought them down to yours, slobbering a lazy kiss as your arms slung around his neck, playing with the locks at the back of his head. You couldn’t control your moans any further as Jongho began to lift his lower body, hooking himself deep into you before snaking his arms back around your waist.

“Nnghaa fuck!” Jongho lifted you off your back and pulled you in a sitting position on his dick, sliding himself lower down on the couch for him to grip your waist and snapping his hips upwards into you.

Almost unidentifiable sounds left your mouth as you held your breasts, head falling back with your eyes as Jongho held you in place for his hips to slap against yours. You couldn’t help but fall forward, hugging Jongho’s head to your chest as your body shrivelled with each thrust bringing you closer to an orgasm. 

Jongho’s thrusts became faster and harder as he grunted against your chest, sending lewd moans out of your mouth. Your head felt light as your vision clouds with a foggy white, the spark of nerves in the pit of your stomach was threatening to combust soon enough with a pace like this.

“I’m so closenngha oh yesyesyes!” Your throat was almost as dry as a desert as you widely gaped with furrowed brows.

Jongho clenches his jaw hard, brows furrowed and eyes darkened as he focuses on your body. Your face scrunches in absolute pleasure as your legs quivered at the pace Jongho was thrusting into you. 

“Fuckfuckfuck! Jongho- ngghhaa fuck yes!” A wave of pure bliss washes over your body like a tsunami, the ball of nerves in the pit of your stomach burst into doses of pleasure being released through all courses of your body as Jongho’s hard thrusts sent you forward and legs threatening to close if it wasn’t for his hips preventing it. Jongho didn’t stop there, his thrusts became sloppier and your body quivered from the overwhelming pleasure.

“A little bit more, baby, almost fuckmmhph there” It felt like one of those bull rides by the way Jongho lifted his lower body off the couch to thrust into you as he chased his own high.

“Jongnnghaa oh shit!” Jongho’s intense gaze pierced right through you as he flipped you back to the previous position with you underneath him, legs wrapped around his torso as his thrusts became sloppy and deeper. 

“Mhmmmphhh fuuuck” A warm spurt of cum pools inside you as Jongho slammed his hips hard one last time against you with an almost animalistic loud groan against your ear.

You were out of breath, hair sticking to your forehead as your an arm flared back behind you and the other playing with the hair at the back of Jongho’s head. Neither of you spoke a word for what seemed to be an awkward forever. 

“I love you” It wasn’t as hard to say as you thought it would be, maybe because you actually meant it.

“What did you just say?” Jongho’s head shoots up almost immediately from the crook of your neck, eyes flickering back and forth between yours. 

“You heard me”  You chuckled a bit, letting your fingers play with the short strands of hair in front of his face as your feet slide up and down Jongho’s legs.

A small smile caved its way onto Jongho’s face as he propped himself comfortably over you. It was almost as if everything that had just happened in the last fifteen minutes had vanished from his mind. 

“Say it again” There was a hint of joy in his voice when he spoke again, making you curious of his ends.

“I love you” You always found it so difficult to face that word, maybe because it hurt you too much in the end.

“You really mean it?” 

“Why else would I say it?” 

“I must be dreaming” 

“You’re literally still inside of me, how can you possibly be dreaming?” 

It was so surprising to hear Jongho’s chuckle. You didn’t even know he had a gummy smile until this convenient time. 

Jongho’s eyes truly sparkled as he gazed down at you, smile softening before planting a slow passionate kiss on your lips. You could’ve sworn they were about to crack any moment now.

“I love you”   

part one • part two

_

Copyright © 2020 by serendipityunho All Rights Reserved

[finnyboywolfhard]

Song That The Morning Brings (Chapter Twenty Three)

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader 

catch up here

summary: the groups converge and try to make a plan to stop the monster 

warnings: cursing, violence, angst, spoilers ig 

word count: 4.4k

They all began to find their way out from behind the counter and over to where the other group was standing. Mike was practically carrying EL.

“Ha! You flung that thing like a hot wheel!” Dustin cheered while rushing to give them all hugs! Smiles took over everyone’s face.

“Lucas?” Erica shouted to her brother that was walking closer.

“What are you doing here?” He pleaded out in response.

“Ask them, it’s their fault.”

“True, yeah. Totally true. It’s absolutely our fault.” Steve agreed with Erica’s statement.

“Yeah, it may be our fault but the little nerd helped us a lot.” Y/N said with a joking laugh, only just realizing her hand was still in Steve’s. She let go of his hand and started rocking back and forth on her heels. Snapping up to make direct eye contact with Nancy, who only smirked and winked at her in response.

“I don’t understand what happened to that car.” Robin confusedly said.

“El has superpowers.” Dustin replied.

“I’m sorry?”

“Superpowers, she threw it with her mind. Come on, catch up.” Steve said, sounding done with the situation.

“That’s El?” Erica spit out after realizing what was just said.

“Who’s El?” Robin asked before being interrupted by Nancy’s slightly condescending question.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“I’m Robin, I work with Steve and Y/N.”

“She cracked the top secret code.” Dustin said after the introduction.  

“Yeah, which is how we found out about the Russians.” Y/N said, following her brother.

“Russians? Wait, what Russians?” Jonathan asked. Both groups were both so confused of one another. Two polar opposite things happened to them both.

“The Russians!” Steve shouted out.

“Those were Russians?” Max asked looking at the men who were down on the floor.

“Some of them.” Erica pointed out.

“What are you talking about?” Lucas spoke, looking directly to his little sister.

“Didn’t you hear our code red?”

“Yeah, we couldn’t understand what you were saying.” Mike angrily said to Dustin.

“God damn low battery!” Dustin yelled.

“How many times do I have to tell you with the low battery?” Steve also yelled back towards Dustin smacking his hands together to show how truly upset he was.

“Stevie, calm down, it’s okay.”

“Well, everything worked out, didn’t it?” Dustin declared.

“Worked out? We almost died!” Erica said to him.

“Yeah, but we didn’t did we.”

“There’s still time.” Y/N whispered to herself. She had more hope than before in regards to living, but she wasn’t entirely hopeful. The rest of the group kept bickering but also explaining what happened over the course of a few days. Y/N kinda blocked them out. Thousands of thoughts were rushing through her mind at once. Some good, some bad, some really good and some really bad. The sound of Eleven collapsing onto the floor a few feet away snapped everyone away from the conversation.

“Whoa whoa whoa” Steve started to mutter beside Y/N.

“El! El!” Mike said, rolling her onto her back to look at her. His voice was filled with fear. Y/N could tell by looking at the two they were in love. But that was beside the point.

“What’s wrong with her?” Erica said.

“El, what’s wrong?” Y/N said in a much calmer, gentler tone than everyone else.

“My leg…my leg.” She whimpered out in response. She was seething in pain.

“Her leg, her leg, okay.” Jonathan said as he slowly lifted the bandages from the wound sitting on her calf. As soon as it was off her skin, everyone groaned at the sight of it. There was a massive gash, filled with blood and other oozes, but there was also something moving around in her leg. As it sharply moved, her pain grew increasingly obvious. Eleven let out screeches and grunts. It was the weakest any of them had ever seen her. Mike leaned over to look her in the eyes.

“El! El! El!El! El! El, are you okay?” He said, begging for her to answer him. He kept repeating her name, to no avail. The only response that he got was her screaming in agonizing pain. It was harsh and cut the cold, stale air around them. She was wailing and crying in pain, whatever was in her leg needed to come out and it needed to come out now. Her flesh was beginning to sizzle. Either from her body heat or from the creature inside her leg.

“What is that?”

“There’s something in there.”

“Jesus Christ.” Dustin exclaimed in response to her leg.

“Keep her talking. Keep her awake, okay?” Jonathan said to the group before standing up and rushing over to one of the food counters nearby. The group continued talking to her. Some of them trying to distract her from the pain, others just talking to her to keep her awake.

“Hey, hey, hey. Stay awake, stay awake. Let’s get her on this side, on this side.” Mike commanded the group, taking charge of the situation at hand. Steve helped Mike roll her over to her side.

“Easy, easy, easy, easy.” Steve said, making sure that Mike was being gentle with the already pained girl in front of them.

“It’s uh…you know it’s not actually that bad. There was a…the goalie on my soccer team, Beth Wildfire, this other girl slid into her leg.” At this point everyone was looking at Robin, who wasn’t helping the problem. “And the bone came out of her knee like six inches or something, it was insane.” She was about to keep rambling before she was cut off.

“Robin.” Steve stopped her.

“Yeah?”

“You’re not helping.” Y/N and Steve said in time with one another.

“I’m sorry.” At this point, Robin sounded like she was panting for breath. Her fear was evident. Fight or Flight was an interesting body response, because for the past few days Robin has seemingly been a fighter, but now she was being flighty. Jonathan came running back from wherever he went. He got right down onto the floor and began speaking at a quiet, calming volume.

“Okay, Alright El? This is gonna hurt like hell, okay?”

“Okay…” was all El could croak out through the pain.

“I need you to stay real still. Here,” he lifted a wooden spoon and gave it to her, “you’re gonna want to bite down on this, okay?”

“Jesus Christ.” Dustin exhaled out. Eleven clamped the wooden spoon between her teeth. She was propped up against Mike and Max, her eyes fluttering closed every few seconds. Jonathan pulls out a knife and holds it to her leg. He looks around to check that everyone is okay, the knife hovering centimeters away from her skin.

“Do it.” Mike demanded him. Jonathan ran the blade along the wound, breaking open the bubble that was forming on her leg. Blood, pus and other mysterious liquids seeped out of the wound as the blade made contact. Eleven’s scream of pain were flooding the room, unable to hear anything else but that. Y/N began to feel queasy and leaned her forehead onto Steve’s shoulder, so she wasn’t looking at the wound too intensely.

After a few more seconds, the clink of the knife hitting the floor sounded through the screams. The entire group was set on edge by the wound. Jonathan took his hand and stuck it through the opened gash, attempting to pull out whatever was inside her leg. Her screams had somehow gotten louder, signaling how much pain this was truly causing her.

“Jonathan!” Nancy yelled to him as he continued to dig through the cut.

“Stop talking!” He yelled back to her. He became slightly more aggressive, and her screams became more and more pained. “God damn it!”

“No! Stop it!” El shrieked out amidst the pain. “Stop! Stop!”

Jonathan pulled his hand out and way, and looked down at Eleven.

“I can do it.” El said, trying to choke back some of her tears. She tried to push herself up, eventually getting help from Max and Mike. “I can do it.” She lifted her hand, close to where the wound was. Her hands were flexing as hard as they could, and her anguished grunts showed how awful this was for her. The movement in her leg became slightly more prominent as she continued wailing in pain. The glass behind them shattered from her screams and the energy she had built up from her powers. As the group shielded itself from the glass pouring around them, the small creature was yanked from her leg, being held in the air by her powers. Her screams had not stopped once. She lifted her arm and threw it across the mall. It landed a bit farther away, and began to slink off only to be squashed by a black boot. Y/N’s eyes went from the boot up, terrified that it was another Russian. Her fear was released when she saw Hopper standing there.

They all stood near the fountain recounting all of the information the two groups had gained over the past few days.

“The mind flayer, it built this monster in Hawkins to stop El, to kill her and pave a way into our world.” Mike told Hopper.

“And it almost did, that was just a tiny piece of it.” Nancy spoke out.

“How big is this thing?” Hopper said in his usual disheveled tone.

“It’s big. Thirty feet at least.” Jonathan responded.

“Yeah, it sorta destroyed your cabin.” Lucas said, being the bearer of bad news. Hopper looked upset, but he also looked tired. He looked like he was ready to tap out of this and just accept defeat. But that wasn’t like him, and he wasn’t going to forfeit a fight.

“Okay, so just to be clear, this…this big fleshy spider thing that hurt El, it’s some kind of gigantic…weapon?” Steve asked. His confusion was based, especially considering that it wasn’t something that he had witnessed yet.

“Yes.” Nancy affirmatively said.

“But instead of, like, screws and metal, the mind flayer made its weapon with melted people.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Oh great.” Y/N muttered out before allowing Steve to voice his response.

“Yeah, okay. Yeah, just making sure.” After Steve spoke, Joyce began to ask questions just the same.

“Are we sure this thing is still out there, still alive?”

“El beat the shit out of it, but, yeah, it’s still alive.” Max gave Joyce her answer.

“But if we close the gate again-“ Will said before being interrupted by Max.

“We cut the brain off from the body.”

“And kill it.” Lucas finished her statement. “Theoretically.” They all looked around at one another, reaching a point that they didn’t know what to do.

“YooHoo!” Murray exclaimed flailing his arms that held papers, breaking the group away from one another and towards him. “YooHoo!” He made his way over to the group, and over to where he could set his things down. He placed down papers that had drawn on maps.

“Okay, this is what Alexei called, ‘the hub’. Now the hub takes us to the vault room.” He said while pointing out different sections of the map.

“Okay, where’s the gate?”

“Right here.” Murray said, smacking his finger down on a space on the paper. “I don’t know the scale on this, but I think it’s fairly close to the vault room, maybe fifty feet or so.”

“More like 500. What, you’re just gonna waltz in there like it’s commie Disneyland or something?” Y/N and Hopper made the exact same shocked expression at Erica’s remark.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Erica Sinclair, who are you?”

“Murray Bauman.” He said, seeming almost timid for once. It was two strong energies combating one another.

“Listen, Mr. Bunman. I’m not trying to tell you how to do things, but I’ve been down in that shithole for 24 hours. And with all due respect, you do what this man tells you, you’re all gonna die.”

“Erica-“ Y/N was about to cut her off before Murray took control once again.

“I’m sorry, why is this four year old speaking to me?”

“Um, I’m ten you bald bastard!”

“Erica!” Lucas reprimanded his little sister.

“Just the facts!”

“She’s right. You are all gonna die, but you don’t have to.” Dustin explained. Y/N decided to take authority, stealing the spotlight from Dustin.

“Excuse me, Sorry, may I?” Y/N said asking Murray if she could point something out on the map.

“Please.” Murray let her have it.

“Okay, so you see this room right here? This is a storage facility. There’s a hatch in here that feeds into their underground ventilation system, that will lead you to the base of the weapon. The fans have been stopped, so it will take significantly less time. It’s a bit of a maze down there, but between Me, Dustin and Erica, we can show you the way.”

“You can show us the way?” Hopper said, voice dripping with condescension.

“Hop, you can do all of the fighting and all of the dangerous heroic feats, but we can be your navigators.” She responded, looking at him.

“No.” He stated blankly toward the girl. “Nope.”

“Hop, come on.”

“No, absolutely not.” The girl groaned at his response. “it’s too dangerous and I can’t and won’t let you do it. You need to stay safe.”

“Hop! I have been down there, you could die.” Hopper began walking over to a bag of guns left by the Russians, loading and checking them. At this point, Erica and Dustin left Y/N to try convincing him.

“I don’t care Y/N. You are not going down there. If one of us is going to die, I’d rather it be me than you. And I won’t die, I haven’t kicked the bucket yet. I will be okay. But you need to stay here and stay safe, I won’t let you do it.”

“Hopper, please.” Y/N pleaded once more, sadness and fear evident in her voice.

“Y/N, I love you like a daughter, I won’t let you risk it. Now please, I need to prepare myself.”

“Fine. I love you too, stay safe.” Y/N said admitting her defeat and walking over to where Steve was sitting on a counter. She jumped up beside him and huffed out a breath. He knew these moods, and knew that she needed a moment to sit with her thoughts before he could ask her how she was doing. She leaned against the wall and stretched her legs across the counter, tapping Steve’s hip with her foot. She gave him a small smile.

“So you gonna tell me what the hell happened to your face or am I just supposed to ignore it?” Y/N let out, causing Steve to laugh to himself for a little bit.

“Oh you know, typical hero stuff.”

“Oh yeah? Heroes often get drugged and beat up by Russians?”

“All the time.” He said with a smile, watching how Y/N’s eyes crinkled in the corner as she laughed. How pretty her smile was when it was a genuine in the moment smile. He adored every part of her. “Essentially, they would hit me whenever they assumed I was lying, but I’ll be okay. Not anything I haven’t experienced before.”

“How do you always end up injured? Every time we’ve dealt with this shit now, you’ve ended up with a fucked up face.”

“Wow, thanks Y/N, I feel so good about how I look now. Thank you.” He responded sarcastically. “I don’t know, I pick fights I can’t win I guess.”

“Hey, that’s not entirely true. You won the fight against that one Russian dude.”

“I did, didn’t I?” She smiled at him once again, and they just looked at each other for a few seconds. It wasn’t awkward or weird or anything. It was somewhat peaceful. She couldn’t help but admire him for a few moments. She loved him, and it hadn’t hit her yet that he loved her back.

“Oh, Stevie?”

“Hey! Heads up! You can navigate, just from someplace safe.” Hopper yelled to Dustin, tossing him a walkie. Y/N was thankful that Hopper was giving Dustin some control. His shouts led the others to start paying attention once more, drawing them away from their conversations.

“It’s not that simple.”

“The signal won’t reach.”

“Not with this, you need something with a high enough frequency band to relay with the Russians’ radio tower. But for that to work, you need someone who has both seen their comms room and has access to a super-powered handcrafter radio tower, one preferably already situated at the highest point in Hawkins. Oh wait.” Dustin took a beat, “That’s me.” Dustin looked at Hopper with a cocky smirk as Hopper inched closer to the young boy. “If you want us to navigate, you got us. But we need a head start.” At this point, the groups were all converging. Dustin had a point, he couldn’t just stay here and be able to contact Hop. “And a car.” Dustin said after getting a whisper from Erica.

“Fine. Get your sister and anyone else who was with you.” Hopper fished a set of keys from his pocket and tossed them at Y/N who finally was in Hop’s line of sight. The “Scoops Troop” ,as they had been so graciously been named,  gathered up and walked out of the mall.

“Y/N/N can I drive?” Steve asked the girl who was holding the keys.

“Is that the best idea?”

“Come on, maybe not but it would be an adventure.” He looked at her, “Please.” The girl eventually gave in and tossed him the keys just as they were making their final exit through the doors. The air felt nice, it was slightly warm but not overwhelmingly hot. And it was nice to have some fresh air.

“Oh, man, now this…this is what I’m talking about.” Steve said as soon as he saw the car he was about to drive. His voice sounding the most happy it had in days.

“Toddfather?” Robin said reading off the specialty license plate.

“Oh, screw Todd! Steve’s her daddy now.” Y/N choked out nervously as soon as Steve said that sentence. She quickly became flustered as she was finding her way to sit shotgun.

“Did you just refer to yourself in the third person, Stevie?” Y/N asked, regaining at least a little composure.

“Did he just call himself daddy?” Erica asked while Y/N could feel her cheeks getting slightly more red.

“Alright, where are we going?” Steve asked, unsure of where Cerebro was.

“Weathertop.” Dustin answered his question for him.

“Weather-what?” Steve asked with a confused tone.

“Just drive!” Dustin yelled at him.

“Okay! Jesus!” Steve revved the engine and began to drive away.

“It’s okay Stevie, I can tell you how to get there. I went once with Jeremy Powell.”

“What? You did? When? Why didn’t I know that?”

“I went on a few dates with him the end of summer before junior year. You didn’t know for reasons we’re not gonna talk about.”

“Did you like…ya know?”

“Steve!! I’m not gonna answer that with my brother and a child in the car. We can talk about this later or never talk about it again. The point is, I know where to go and so does Dustin.” Y/N snapped at Steve. His jealousy was one of the worst things about him sometimes. It was almost two years ago and it never went anywhere, yet for some reason he was still envious of the kid. The drive was silent for the most part, aside from the directions being given to Steve by both Henderson siblings.

“Jesus, how far is this place?” Steve said, yelling over the wind that was rushing through the convertible car.

“Relax, we’re almost there.” Dustin yelled back.

“Suzie must be pretty special, huh?” Robin yelled back. “I mean if you built this thing and lugged it all the way to the middle of nowhere just to talk to her?”

“I mean, nobody’s scientifically perfect, but Suzie’s about as close as to being perfect as any human could possibly be.” Dustin said, a smile spreading over his face.

“She sound made up to me. She sound made up to you?” Erica shouted up to the front seat. Steve and Y/N both glanced at one another. Steve trying so hard not to make eye contact through the rearview with Dustin. They both stayed silent after the question, not wanting to make Dustin upset.

“Why are you hesitating, Steve?” Dustin yelled to the driver.

“I’m-I’m not! I’m not! I think she sounds real. You know, totally, absolutely real.” Steve said allowing his voice to trail off till the end.

“What about you? Why are you hesitating?” Y/N now under the same heat as Steve.

“I don’t necessarily think she’s fake! I don’t know! I just haven’t met her.” She became flustered, not sure how to answer her little brother. They let the conversation end as Y/N turned back around to the road.

“Turn left!”

“What?”

“Turn left! Turn left!” Y/N once again shouted.

“There’s not a road here.” Steve yelled back to her.

“Turn left now!”

“Jesus! Hang on!” Steve screamed out as he yanked his steering wheel to the left. The car spun slightly before breaking through a fence and zooming about a third of the way up the giant hill. Steve was almost screaming but not quite. “Where are we going?”

“Up!” Dustin yelled from the back seat.

“Jesus!”

“We’re not gonna make it!” Robin yelled from the back seat!

“Yes we are. Come on baby! Come on baby!” The engine strained slightly as it rose higher up the hill. “Come on! Come on!” He kept shouting at the car while pressing his foot on the gas.

“Guess the Toddfather has some limitations.” Y/N joked when they were sputtering in their stopped position. Steve removed his foot from the pedal and let out a sigh. He pulled the car into park and removed the keys from the ignition. They all got out and began the hike up the hill to Cerebro.

“Hey, I’m sorry about in the car. I shouldn’t have been worried about it. I just- I shouldn’t have given you shit for it. I’m sorry Y/N/N.”

“Stevie, it really isn’t a big deal. I don’t care, and I mean that genuinely.” Y/N said reaching out her pinky to pinky promise she was telling the truth. He gracefully took her pinky into his, locking the swear in. They were nearing the top of the hill when Dustin rushed over to Cerebro.

“Bald Eagle, do you copy? This is Scoops Troop, bald eagle do you copy?” Dustin yelled into the talkie. They waited a moment before static cut through the silence.

“Yes, I copy.” Murray said hoarsely into his end. The entire group let out sounds of relief.

“Call sign?” Dustin asked excitedly.

“Bald eagle.” Murray said.

“Please repeat.” Dustin egged him on.

“Bald eagle! This is Bald Eagle!” Murray yelled, his rage starting to shine through.

“Copy that! Good to hear your voice, Bald Eagle. What’s your 20?”

“We reached the vent. I’ll contact you when I need you. Until then, silence.” Murray said with an angry ease.

“Roger that, Bald Eagle. This is Scoops Troop, going radio silent. 10-10, over.” Dustin announced to those on the receiving end. Steve gave Dustin a few taps on the shoulder once he went silent. Dustin took his place beside Cerebro and Erica sat beside him. Robin and Y/N started to pace together, walking in around in circles. Steve just kinda stood and looked out upon the landscape.

“So, uh. I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that your Steve’s Suzie.” Robin whispered to Y/N.

“Oh, you think?” Y/N said sarcastically.

“All I’m saying is that the feeling is mutual, and the tension between y’all could snap at any moment.”

“Shut up.” Y/N said with a laugh and gentle shove to Robin’s shoulder. The two kept light conversation for awhile, Steve eventually joining it. It was mainly Robin talking about school and what she was taking for senior year. As Murray navigated through the tunnels, he would occasionally ask the Scoops Troop for their assistance.

“Scoops Troop, this is—Mmm---Bald Eagle. I’ve reached another junction.” His voice echoed out into the open air.

“This is what?” Dustin clarifying the junction.

“The fourth junction.” Erica answering rather than Murray.

“Alright, so if memory serves, this is right after the My Little Pony thesis.”

“We went left so he would have to go-“ Y/N began to answer, only to have her sentence completed alongside Dustin and Erica. “-Right.”

“Fly right Bald Eagle. Fly right.” Dustin spoke into the walkie.

“Roger that, flying right.”

“What’s the My Little Pony thesis?” Robin asked looking around the group.

“Don’t get him started.” Erica blankly stated.

“Get him started? Just tell me—“ Robin began to say before being interrupted by Steve.

“Hey, guys?” his voice sounded scared. The group all rushed to their feet and over to where Steve was standing. As they looked out across the landscape, they could see the lights of Starcourt flashing and glitching like crazy. It looked like everything was going haywire. As soon as they saw what was happening, they ran back to Cerebro to get in contact with the Griswold Family.

“Griswold family, this is Scoops Troop! Do you copy? Over!” Dustin shouted into the walkie talkie. He repeated it over and over again, only to be cut completely off from them by the creature snagging the walkie. He shouted their call sign a few more times. The group was on edge, all of them were staring, scared at Cerebro. The roar of the monster into the walkie startled the receiving group. They no longer heard any static, but yet Dustin was continuing to call out for them and the confirmation of their safety. Never once did they answer past the shriek. It was terrifying, they could be dead for all they knew. Y/N began to feel an urge, an urge to go back and help them.

“Steve keys.”

“What?”

“Steve, give me the keys.”

“No, if you’re going, I’m going too.” The two stood up and began running back to where Toddfather had been stuck in place.

“Where are you going?” Erica yelled out.

“To get them the hell outta there!” Steve yelled back in response.

“Stay here! Contact the others!” Y/N yelled to her brother as well. A little bit farther down the hill, Y/N noticed that Robin was coming with them as well. They needed to help the others, and Dusty and Erica would be safe here together.

 taglist: @mochminnie @queen1054 @prettysbliss @voidnarnia

[one-leaf-grimoire]

“triad”

Chapter 14: the sleeping world

Shorter chapter than usual, but get ready to see the result of all that secret true time magic training!

“Jesus Christ, you’re with a WOMAN now?!” Both Augustus and Sekke look like their eyes are about to bulge out of their faces, gazes snapping back and forth from me and Adeline’s clasped hands and our faces. Augustus splutters incoherently before pointing his sceptre at me accusingly. “I knew it! I knew  you were just using Julius for the power! And now that he’s gone-”

“Your majesty-” I cut him off before he can actually start to upset me. “There’s such a thing as bisexuals, you know.”

“JFDSKL WHAT ON EARTH-”

Adeline bites her lip to suppress her words, and gives my hand a squeeze. I glance up at her, noticing that she’s starting to get a little uncomfortable. It’s fair, given that her history with Augustus is less than pleasant. I smile and squeeze back before continuing to walk past Augustus as he has his tantrum. We’ve just arrived on top of a large overlook, in the same area where the Royal Knights exam took place months and months ago. I had some of the royal mages terraform it, creating a large lake, plain, and forest. But from up here, we can see it all perfectly. What is this all for, exactly?

In order to increase morale and get some intense training in, I decided to make the Captains fight each other in a crystal destruction tournament. Not the most original idea, I must admit, but it will do its job. These last few weeks have been absolutely insane. The Devil Banishers/Believers incident was a real hassle to get through, and ended up costing us more than we thought. But it’s all over now, and it’s time to get some real work done before we send our representatives over to the Heart Kingdom.

And for me… 

Today, I’ll see if my own intense training has paid off.

“Hey, where’s Fluffy?”

Yami crosses his arms before looking around. He and the other captains are already here, milling around awkwardly. I haven’t told them their teams yet, but everyone is already shooting each other dirty looks. “Huh, that’s weird, Rill didn’t tell me he was skipping.”

“Of course that brat skipped! At his age, he’d be skipping school, too, Keh Keh!” Jack cackles, licking his lips. “I was looking forward to slicing him up…”

“Well, what if he ended up on your team?” Charlotte points out.

“... did I stutter?”

“Please, save the fighting for the battlefield,” Nozel steps in before Charlotte can retort. “You’re going to need all the energy you have.”

Fuegoleon looks very eager to go, bouncing on the balls of his feet and flexing his fiery arm across his chest. I eye his movement suspiciously, getting distracted. “How come your shirt doesn’t catch on fire too?”

He shrugs, but gives me a grin. “Maybe today will be the day I burn so hot it does char my clothes.”

I clear my throat awkwardly before turning away to look at everyone. “Anyway- if Rill is a no-show then it’ll be 4 on 4. Now…” Admittedly, this changes my plans a little, but no matter. “Team one will be Yami, Jack, Nozel, and Kaiser.”

“WHAT? I have to be on a team with this stinkbug-” Yami immediately objects, but cuts himself off as I shoot him a glare. “Fine, whatever.” He catches Charlotte’s eye and suddenly grins. “Heh, looks like you’ll have to fight me, prickly-queen.”

“Good. I’ve been looking forward to teaching you a lesson.” Charlotte’s eyes only harden.

“Ooooh, why do I kind of like the sound of that?”

“Why-” Charlotte quickly turns pink. “You vulgar-”

“SO! Those are the teams!” I step in between them, smiling brightly despite the mounting tensions. “Marx just gave me the go-ahead for the broadcast, so I want you all to go down there-” I gesture out onto the plains. “-and await my signal!”

“Thank you.” Without another word, the eight of them split apart and jump down to their stations, gearing up for what promises to be a spectacular fight. I let out a sigh before turning to walk back to my chair, where Adeline, Augustus, and Sekke are waiting. William didn’t say a word… I don’t even remember him looking me in the eye while I was talking to the captains. Well, that’s just another thing I’ll have to do today.

“Hello?” A screen suddenly opens up next to me, and I see Marx’s face appear. “Are we ready to go?”

“Yep!” Before I sit down, I turn back to the arena. I raise my arm, two fingers pointing up, and set off a powerful blast of magic, a bolt that goes careening into the air with a loud whoosh. It’s the signal to go, and boy… do they GO! 

The battle that commences is like nothing I’ve seen before. Each of them knows they’re being watched by the entire kingdom via Marx’s communication magic, so they hold nothing back. Fire, mercury, darkness, plants, and everything in between goes flying, each of them desperately reaching for the other’s crystal while keeping theirs just out of reach. Half of the fight moves into the forest, the trees warping and billowing as William builds his own path out of his magic. Nozel and Fuegoleon only have eyes for each other, Salamander burning so hot that the lake starts to evaporate and steam up underneath it and Fuegoleon.

Their magic heats the air, sends vibrations through the earth, and towers high into the sky.

For a moment, I can’t help but feel guilty.

All three of them… would have made wonderful Wizard Kings. They are men who put their duty first, men who wouldn’t get caught up in the cycle of grief and greed like I would.

They are human men… they could care for this Kingdom far better than I could.

A soft hand squeezes my shoulder. Somehow, Adeline always knows what I’m thinking.

But… at the end of the day… the responsibility falls to me. Maybe I’m running out of time, maybe I’m compromised emotionally, but I made a promise, to Julius, to Adeline, and myself. 

I am the Wizard King… and today, I’ll show everyone why!

Right then, without warning, the entire earth rumbles. I reach up and grab Adeline’s hand with one of my own, the other grasping the arm of my chair. Augustus yowls with fear, and Sekke goes tumbling to the ground. “What on earth is that?!” Adeline gasps.

My eyes widen, and I quickly point out into the forest. “Look!” A giant slash of darkness appears, tearing through the trees. A chill shoots through the air, causing every hair on my arms to stand at end. Oh shit! That’s Yami’s Dimension Slash! A grin grows on my face as it dissipates as soon as it appeared, leaving nothing but an eerie silence in its wake.

“Um… are they okay?” Adeline asks, narrowing her eyes as she scans the area. “I can’t hear any more fighting?”

“Huh… did Yami kill everyone?”

Just as I ask the question, I spot a group of people emerge from the forest. A few minutes later, they’re back up on the platform, and drop the shards of their crystals at my feet. I arch a brow, glancing between their faces. “What happened, exactly?”

“It’s no fair!” Dorothy grumbles. “I had Yami trapped in Glamour World, but then he just cut his way out!”

“And he destroyed both crystals while he was at it.” Kaiser gives Yami the side eye.

“Hey! I think our team should win. I did destroy the enemy’s crystal, after all.” Yami looks terrible; he’s covered with bruises and his white shirt is stained with what looks like dirt. His hair is so out of place he looks like a different person.

“BUT! You destroyed your own as well,” Fuegoleon objects loudly. “That lack of care should lead to a loss for your team!”

I can’t help but laugh, drawing their attention back to me. “This sure is a weird circumstance that I didn’t see coming… but…” I smirk as I start to realize my plan. “Maybe we should do a tiebreaker instead?”

“What is she doing?” Augustus was watching from his chair, talking to no one in particular. He glanced over at Adeline for a moment, who started to look very worried.

What is she up to?

“A tiebreaker?” Yami almost laughs at the suggestion. “Do any of us look like we’re ready for a tiebreaker?!”

“For once, I agree with him,” Nozel adds. He doesn’t look as bad as Yami, but his trademark braid is barely holding together after the furious exchange he and Fuegoleon just traded. Fuegoleon’s clothes are crisped at the edges, soot and smoke clinging to every part of him. During this tournament, even his own flames scorched through whatever usually protected him.

“I know you’re all exhausted! At least, you look exhausted.” I smile cheerfully between all eight Captains. “But, like I said, ending this with a tie isn’t all that satisfying… but!” I hold up a finger, finally getting to the point. “You’ll like what I have in mind! It’s easy!”

“Oh yeah?” Despite how tired he looks, Yami manages to grin, his hand already moving to the handle of his katana. “Spit it out, then.”

I keep smiling, almost giggling at his eagerness, but when I speak, my words are deadly serious.

“All you have to do to win… is make me move from where I’m standing.”

The earth stands still for a moment as my words sink in. Yami’s lighthearted expression suddenly fades into worry. Out of everyone here, he’s the only one who knows I’m pregnant, I think, maintaining my smile. He’s probably a little hesitant about attacking me… but the others…

“So…” Fuegoleon frowns. “We just… hit you? Knock you down?”

“If you want!” I reply cheerfully. “I’m sure some of you are angry at me for one reason or another, so…” My gaze sweeps over and lands on William. His eyes widen just the tiniest bit, but for once he doesn’t look away.

“Take out your anger. Make me move, if you can.”

Each of them is tired, exhausted, beaten and bruised, but that gleam enters their eyes as I tell them to come at me. That gleam comes back into William’s eyes. Because, above all, these Captains are the best in this Kingdom… and they want nothing more than to prove themselves. For glory, and for death.

All at once, their Grimoires are out, their faces shining with determination. Spells are being cast, and eight bodies move towards me with as much speed as they can muster. A moment of frenetic fury, because the first of them to hit me will be crowned the victor.

If they can hit me. This is my time to prove myself.

With a deep breath, I close my eyes before any of them can reach me. As soon as darkness falls, I can feel it; mana pulsing from the earth, up through my legs, and out with each breath I release. 

The laws of nature… Time is at the center of them all.

I open my eyes, and the spell activates. Mana words, glowing whitish-blue, burst to life around my head in a spectacular double halo. Mana courses through my body; a body that was made for the purpose of holding mana. The body that deems me as inhuman, that houses a broken, dying soul, yet gives me the power I want more than anything.

“True Time Magic… Domain of Thanatos.”

Each rune circling my body spells out the same word: Stop.

And that’s exactly what happens. 

------

This ability is True Time Magic: Domain of Thanatos.

Thanatos… the god of peaceful, non violent death.

Julius’s Time Magic had the power to steal and give time as he wished, from any object that he could please. But he could not control TIME itself. Time as it exists in nature, a rushing river, always moving forward.

But even a river can freeze.

This magic gives me control over that river, over the speed that it flows. Although I cannot force it backwards… I can slow it down until it stops.

With this ability, I put the entire world to sleep.

With this ability… no one will ever stop me.

-------

The moment my spell activates, all eight of the captains freeze, and their attacks become suspended in midair. I let out a slow breath, allowing a smile to grow on my face. My hand stays frozen in the air for the time being, because I have to calculate every single move with the upmost precision.

See, the catch to stopping time is that it doesn’t last very long if I just start moving. Maybe two or three seconds at most. However, I managed to find a condition where I can stretch the length of time within Domain of Thanatos; I allow time to start to flow with my movements, so slow and smooth, but just fast enough that I can do what I want.

So… easy now…

One finger. Then the next. And another. Until I’m no longer reaching out; I’m pointing. My first target is Yami.

Sorry… this’ll only hurt for a second.

With each finger, he only twitches slightly, moving forward a mere millimeter. 

Flame magic: Solar Bolt.

My attack shoots through him, as fast as outside of this spell.

And now… the others… 

I move in a half circle, one by one, casting my bolt and watching them fail to react to being hit. It’s surreal, being here all alone in some weird little world. But I remind myself that this solitude is because I am in control. 

Finally, William is hit, the last of my eight targets. I let out a shaky breath, my smile widening. So… now I just have to worry about their spells. Each of them have only moved a few inches, but are now getting dangerously close. With each Solar Bolt I fired, they clipped closer, sped up in time with my spell. I can feel my control weakening, and something that smells like blood is starting to bubble up in my nose. Despite that, I stay calm, letting Blazing Spear materialize in my hand. 

And…

I take one last breath of air within Domain of Thanatos. 

Release.

My arm swings through the air, bringing the spear along with it, and I slash through the spells, my trajectory carefully calculated due to the observations I made earlier. I have to duck once though, avoiding Yami and Dorothy’s spells. I look up just in time to see the eight of them stumble back and fall, stunned by the instant attack that came from seemingly nowhere. 

“Look at that… I’m still standing.”

Yami groans and rolls back up into a sitting position, a curious glint in his tired eyes. “What the Hell was that?”

“I’m wondering the same thing.” Nozel winces, clutching the spot where my bolt hit him. “How fast did you just move?”

I let out a little laugh, a twinkle in my eye. “Actually, I moved very slow… I made everything move very slow.” 

Most of them have sat up by now, all of them still shocked and disoriented, but now they’re looking at me in a new way. The look in their eyes is familiar; it’s the same way they all used to look at Julius in battle. The shock, the awe… the admiration.

Are they really looking at me?

In that moment, my pride deflates. Despite the fact that now, maybe, they can see me as more than just Julius’s replacement, I feel so… humbled. These eight amazing people accept me.

Even William, the one I manipulated and betrayed, sits there with a smile on his face. An easy, happy smile that I remember from our days together long ago.

Finally, I clear my throat.

“That… that was true time magic.” I take a step towards them as I explain. “I developed it by applying the Heart Kingdom’s methods to my Time magic. There’s still a lot to explore, but one thing is certain.”

I come to a stop in front of William, then hold out my hand.

Please William… forgive me.

“We can all get stronger… think carefully about who you send to the Heart Kingdom.”

William’s smile fades, but the expression on his face is one of understanding.

Of course I forgive you. You’re my friend.

“This magic is our hope.”

He takes my hand, and I pull him to his feet.

NEXT TIME!!!! Chapter 15: the devil comes knocking. A short time skip into the future, and shit is about to go DOWN.

[thetriggeredhappy]

imagine,,, wholesome platonic pyro x team,,, -🦂

i’ll admit, this one is a longie. (no warnings)

-

The second the end-of-day klaxon fired off, Pyro was jumping to their feet and bolting back towards base. Maybe this should worry the team, but they could hear giddy laughter bubbling up from somewhere within the suit, so they weren’t all that worried.

When everyone else got back to base, there was a sign pinned to the swinging doors into the common area, done in five colors of crayon with various smiley faces dotting the empty spaces. “Everyone come back at 7 o’clock please!” it said cheerfully. There was some mild grumbling from Medic, who’d wanted to get something to eat before he headed to go set to work on a project. Heavy clapped him on the shoulder gently and assured him that he could have a sandwich from Heavy’s little fridge.

At a few minutes to 7, nearly all of the mercs had turned up outside the doors of the common area. Scout ended up darting off to find Heavy and Medic, and was dragging them both back down the hall to the place when the doors swung open and Pyro hopped forth brandishing a balloon sword and wearing a party hat.

They gave some incomprehensible cheer, and gestured for the team to go inside.

The vision before them as they filed in was met mostly with wide eyes and complete surprise. The entire common area and kitchen were transformed into a bright, technicolor scene, balloons and streamers and banners hung aloft and across the walls. The chairs, usually in dull, age-worn greys and greens and blacks, were draped in bright new fabric, and every table had a polka-dotted tablecloth. The harsh overheads were dimmed as their beams were inturrupted with dozens of balloons of various colors, and the large table they all so often sat and ate at was absolutely covered with food. A record was spinning away, volume low but immediately working as a wonderful final touch to transform the room, so often home to tiredness and bickering and infighting during their time off, instead making it a place full of light and life.

Everyone ended up investigating something different. Scout, for one, immediately bounded over to the table of food. “Jesus H. fuckin’ Christ, Mumbles, this must’a taken you all night!” he exclaimed, shocked and enthusiastic all at the same time. He zeroed in on a massive stack of chocolate chip cookies, picking one up off the pile and eating it practically in one bite and talking through it. “I’m fuckin’ starving here though, thanks for—“

Then he stopped. Kept chewing, eyebrows furrowing together for a moment, energy freezing in its tracks as he did so, staring off into space like trying to remember something.

Suddenly, a very different energy. He looked at Pyro, who had their hands clasped together and was watching his reaction carefully. For maybe the first time in his life, he was entirely lost for words, for five, ten, fifteen seconds.

“Mumbles, this is... this why you asked me to get that recipe for you? For cookies?” he asked, quiet now, taken aback. Pyro nodded, asked him a question. He took a second or two to sort out what they asked, and then he nodded distractedly. “No, yeah, you nailed it, it’s perfect. Exactly right. It’s...”

He swallowed hard, swiped hard at his eyes with his forearm, laughed a little. Pyro opened their arms, and he accepted the hug immediately, pulling them into a tight embrace, lifting them up off the ground a little with it.

“Yeah. Tastes just like back home. My Ma would be real proud of you, ain’t anybody that ever gets it this right.” A harder squeeze for a minute. “Thank you. I... seriously, there’s not even words. Thank you. You’re the best, pal.”

Pyro squeezed him right back, and then released, moving away as he turned back to the table again, picking up another cookie and starting to eat it much more studiously.

They picked up a plate they’d set aside in the kitchen, hurrying over to present it to Heavy, who was investigating the balloons with some amount of amusement. He laughed the second he laid eyes on it, taking it from Pyro and looking more closely.

“Leetle Pyro, what is this?” he asked, clearly amused and pleased. “How did you make such leetle sandviches? Why is this?”

Pyro’s reply was cheerful, gesturing first to the sandwiches, then holding their finger and thumb close together, then gesturing over towards the rest of the team. Heavy gave a hearty laugh.

“Baby sandviches for baby team?” he asked, still laughing. Pyro nodded. “Oh, Doktor will love this. I go now to show him. Thank you, Pyro. Perhaps I make these and give to team more. Is very good joke.”

Pyro nodded, and Heavy wandered away, still laughing. They watched as he recounted the joke to Medic, clearly very proud of himself, laughing just as hard as the first time even as Medic fought down a grin and rolled his eyes. Heavy then moved on to the next teammate and repeated it.

Demo appeared to be talking Soldier down from popping every balloon on the same side of the color spectrum as the other team. Pyro moved over, jumping to grab hold of one of the strings, and handed one to Demo, who raised an eyebrow, already entertained by whatever they were on about. They grabbed another balloon and held it up to their own face, and inhaled exaggeratedly.

Demo’s expression lit up. “Och, now there’s an idea!” he said, and turned to Soldier. “Look here, watch this one!”

He pinched near the tail of the balloon, nipping a hole in the rubber and taking a deep inhale of it before pinching it back off again. He then turned back to Soldier and grinned.

“Aye, how do I—“ he started to ask, but promptly broke down in laughter at how high-pitched his voice had gone, only redoubling as he heard how ridiculous it was. Soldier and Pyro laughed as well, and within moments Engie had wandered over to see what the commotion was and was laughing as well. Pyro handed their balloon over to Soldier, who immediately moved to do the same thing, and soon the three of them were fully occupied with joking around with each other.

Pyro looked around and noted Spy looking at the sleeve that the record on the player belonged to, clearly trying very hard to seem bored. They moved over and took hold of the sleeve of his jacket, ignoring his protests and pulling him over to the table.

They promptly lifted a wine bottle from the wide selection of alcohol there at the end. They handed it to him, and he took it with a frown and started looking over the label.

His eyebrows shot up, and then he promptly narrowed his eyes at Pyro, a series of questions there in his eyes. The first was vocalized within a few seconds. “Not a particularly old selection, not to mention from some little local winery in France that I am quite sure very few people have ever even heard of,” he said pointedly. “And I’m sure very difficult to track down, even if you knew such an assuredly small backwater nowhere of a town existed. What would cause you to place a specialty order from anywhere like that?”

Pyro just looked at him, hands clasped behind their back.

Spy glanced around at their teammates for a few moments before he spoke again, his voice low. “I’m not entirely sure how you came into knowledge of my place of birth, but I assume I can trust you to make sure nobody else learns it,” he said, a weight to the word that implied it might not be trust, but instead a threat.

Pyro nodded without even needing to think about it, though, and Spy’s shoulders sagged momentarily. He then straightened, looking over the label for a few more moments, expression softening ever so slightly with each passing moment.

“And I’m sure there is not anyone who would be able to tell you this, but I do prefer red wine when given the opportunity of a choice,” he finally deigned to say, much lighter than before. He looked over at Pyro. “So thank you.”

Pyro nodded cheerfully, and edged a glass from the rest and towards him, then bounded off again.

Sniper was stood off away from the bustle to one side of the room, looking vaguely uncomfortable from his body language, even as his face was an impassive mask, revealing nothing. He visibly jumped as a balloon was popped by Medic on accident, frowning hard at it. Pyro moved over and greeted him, and he just nodded at them distractedly, gaze continuing to move between the record player and the table of food and the chaos of Soldier and Demo laughing themselves half to death over the helium and the bright, multicolored light filtering through the balloons. Pyro gingerly took hold of his sleeve where it was rolled up to his elbow and gently tugged on it, leading him through the door into the kitchen.

There were three overheads, but two had been blocked out almost entirely by a mass of black balloons, the final having a white sheet pinned over it to dull the light. Once through the door, the majority of the noise and commotion faded into the background. Pyro then prompted Sniper to look at a bag of coffee that was next to the coffee machine, which apparently already held a full pot of the stuff. Sniper investigated without fanfare, reading over the label.

“Some fancy fair-trade nonsense,” he said, even as his expression betrayed him being impressed, and somewhat surprised. “Leagues better than that tea nonsense our Europeans drinks, at least, and the bulk store buggery we’ve usually got.”

Pyro gestured enthusiastically towards the pot that had already been brewed. Sniper scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck.

“Don’t exactly have a mug for it, mate,” he said carefully. “Mine broke at breakfast a week or so ago, remember? Planned on headed out to a... thrift shop, or flea market or the like, sometime this weekend. Then I can give it a try. If, er... if there’s any left by then.”

Pyro put their hands on their hips, tapping their foot impatiently.

Sniper sighed, moving over to the cabinet where they kept cups. “I’ll just knick one from the other blokes, sure they won’t mind,” he finally agreed, pulling the doors open.

He froze for a few seconds, then gingerly pulled out a mug with a little ribbon bow affixed to the handle.

Sniper was at a loss for words for a moment, then laughed incredulously. “Mate, this was... in pieces, probably two dozen shards, this was long gone,” he marveled, looking over the tiny little cracks that showed up along the surface of it, just barely marring the surface that then read “#1 Sniper” bold and clear. “How bloody long did this take you?”

Pyro shrugged, a little bashful. Sniper appeared to be at a loss for what to do, and ended up putting the mug down, reaching over and giving them an awkward clap on the shoulder.

“Thanks, mate. I appreciate it,” he said, and maybe it would’ve been an underwhelming reaction for most people, but it was an awful lot more than Sniper generally gave to anyone, and so Pyro brightened immediately, bopping him right back.

Engie called them before they could even make it around to him. “Firebug!”

They left the kitchen right away, leaving Sniper behind to the relative quiet and dark and peace. Engie was by the table, looking over a bottle. They greeted him cheerfully.

“Now, this here says it’s sweet tea,” he said, holding up the bottle in question. “Now does that mean it’s some, uh, northern sweet tea that’s not much sweet of anything, or real sweet tea?”

“Maybe it’s Long Island iced tea,” Scout quipped from down the table. “You should chug it and see.”

Pyro waved Scout off and assured him it was real. They explained that they’d gone through all the steps to make the sweet tea the proper way, the same way he’d bemoaned to them every time they were stationed anywhere but in the heart of the United States’ South. Heating the tea up, adding tons of sugar while it was hot, and chilling it again. Engie nodded, apparently satisfied.

They then gestured him over a ways down the table, and directed his attention towards the center. He needed to lean up on his toes and crane his neck a little to see it over the mass of food there, but when his eyes landed on the centerpiece, he absolutely lit up, laughing a little.

“Firebug, where in Sam Hill did you manage to find bluebonnets?” he asked, absolutely delighted. “Those are a full month or so outta season. And those are fresh—bless your heart, did you grow these?”

Pyro nodded, and Engie laughed, drew them into a hug, clapping them on the back as he did so.

“You’re too sweet for your own good, honest you are,” Engie said, and Pyro laughed. “Doin’ all of this for everyone.”

Pyro shrugged, assured him it wasn’t any trouble, and drew back enough to point out to him that they’d made some food that he in particular would probably be excited about, and moved away as he picked up a plate and started digging right in.

They moved over to Soldier, and ended up tugging on his jacket until he finally abandoned where he and Demo were attempting to peer pressure Heavy into inhaling some helium. Pyro dragged him out the back door, making sure to prop it open behind them and saving a balloon from escaping and flying off into the stratosphere. They led him to the dumpster they’d dragged a few meters closer to the door, and flipped open the lid, quickly reaching inside and coming up with two armfuls.

Soldier could not have possibly looked any more excited than he did in that exact moment as he processed the sight of Lieutenant Bites and Lance Corporal Chompers wearing little party hats and covered in little pieces of paper confetti. He promptly set about informing those two—and the several other raccoons rapidly starting to escape from the dumpster—about just how goddamn adorable they looked in their tiny hats and rainbow confetti. He ended up seizing the Lieutenant and holding him tight to his chest, bringing him inside to show to Demo for the five minutes he managed to keep hold of him for before he darted right back out the door and joined his raccoon friends in tearing their cute little hats into shreds. Soldier brought the entire container of sour cream off of the table to give to them outside, and nobody stopped him.

Inside, he picked up one of the records and moved over to Medic, who was busy watching Heavy and Demo go lightheaded from inhaling helium, rolling his eyes the entire time even as he didn’t stop them. Pyro tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention, and handed over the record.

Medic looked pleased, glancing over the record, flipping it over to look at the specific music on it. “I was not aware that we owned any records of classical music,” he mused, visibly cheered up. “I thought that our Soldier had shattered most of them last time we attempted to play board games as a team bonding exercise.”

Pyro nodded, and Medic looked over the album again.

“Ja, this is new. Did you buy this specifically for this, er... occassion?” Medic asked, eyebrows drawn together.

Pyro shook their head, gesturing fro the record to Medic.

“It’s for me then?” Medic asked, starting to grin, and Pyro for one didn’t comment on how worrying he looked when he was pleased with something. “Danke, how very kind of you! It is very much appreciated, my friend. Might I play it now?”

Pyro nodded, and he did. The first swells of a symphony filled the room, and Scout and Demo briefly bemoaned listening to “boring fancy-pants music”, but the tunes were so lighthearted and cheerful that they quickly forgot about it, letting it fade into background noise.

The change of music to something more calm and the general mood of the room settling down were enough to coax Sniper out from the kitchen, and soon Soldier had returned, his and Scout’s moods significantly mellowed out following what they’d been given by Pyro. Soon enough, they were all sat around the table, digging in and talking cheerfully. It was an eclectic assortment of options, and everyone was surprised to find foods specific to their own tastes, and all talked excitedly about their own meals, the stories surrounding the times when they’d eaten them. Heavy, for one, wouldn’t stop repeating his new favorite joke about baby sandwiches for baby teammates.

And then plates were being passed around. Spy was trying brisket, and the Engineer was trying clam chowder, and Scout was trying brautwurst, and Medic was trying crocodile jerky. Some of them collectively bemoaned the favorite food of the others—only Sniper seemed to enjoy the stew Heavy so much liked, saying it had some weird spice combinations, and the corn on the cob that Soldier was ripping through had far too much salt and butter on it according to the entire Support team as well as Demo and Heavy. And only Scout was brave enough (or rather, dared) to try the family recipe venison pie, but upon him saying it actually wasn’t that bad, Medic and Soldier we’re inclined to try, the reception lukewarm and positive respectively. Others were enthusiastic, Scout in particular being surprised that the quiche was something that “Mister hoity-toity” Spy himself claimed to be a favorite, and there being a unanimous consensus at the table that the chocolate chip cookies were downright delicious. Pyro assured Scout that they would make more for him when he seemed a little worried that everyone else would clear that plate and not leave any left over.

For hours, they sat, they ate, they talked, they told stories. Some from their childhoods, and growing up, and traveling, others simply the product of their going on tangents of tangents.

There was only a cake left on the table at the end of the night, luckily a very small one, most of them two steps past full. They agreed that everyone would at least attempt one slice of it, and Pyro stood up and fetched a cake knife and some fresh plates from the kitchen.

“Hey, hey Mumbles,” Scout said upon their return before they could even sit down. “How come you did all this, anyways? Like, seriously, this—this had to be like, days of work.”

“Weeks, even,” Spy chimed a few chairs down.

“Entire weekends,” Engie agreed.

“Awful lot of work to go to, aye?” Demo asked, blinking curiously at them.

Pyro shifted, a little nervous, set the knife down to fidget with their hands for a few seconds. Their reply was so mumbled that nobody could pick up on it.

“I beg your pardon?” Medic asked, leaning in a little, brows furrowed.

Pyro repeated themselves slightly louder.

“Afraid I didn’t catch that,” Engie said from their right.

Pyro repeated themselves slightly louder.

In an instant, Scout was on his feet, openly shocked. “Woah, hold on, are you fuckin’ serious?!” he all but shouted, absolutely aghast.

Questioning noises from around the table.

“They said it’s their fuckin’ birthday.”

An amount of chaos. Some were incredulous, some shocked, others apologetic, others mostly just confused.

“Jesus H. fucking Christ, Mumbles, how come you didn’t tell nobody?!” Scout demanded, voice rising over most of the others and cutting through the noise. “I mean, shit, I don’t even have a gift or nothin’!”

Pyro’s response was drowned out by the rest of the team carrying on, and Scout gestured wildly at them to make them shut up, and silence fell again. He gestured at them, then, and they repeated themselves, speaking slowly and clearly and loudly to be understood through the mask.

“Well, maybe the only gift I really wanted was to give something to all the rest of you guys. To thank you for being my friend.”

Silence, and then chaos again.

A few voices could be picked out. Heavy, exclaiming “Of course leetle Pyro is friend, is credit to team!”. Sniper exclaiming, “Look, we don’t—no need to thank us, we like being mates with you, you lunatic!”. Demo exclaiming, “Cut it with the thanks lark, all these gifts, you know we love ya to death, lad!”. Soldier exclaiming, “We aren’t friends, we are brothers! Metaphorically!”. Similar sentiments echoed, mercs pointing at each other end agreeing heartily, and they carried on for quite some time before they all started falling quiet again, apparently noticing the sound coming from within Pyro’s suit, hands clasped across the bottommost part of their mask.

The crying sound.

“Hey, hey, c’mon now Firebug, what’re the tears for?” Engie urged gently, hand on their shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” they assured, sniffling. “I just love you guys.”

Scout stood up again, apparently making a decision. “Okay, that’s it. Stand up,” he said, and Pyro did. “Alright, group hug. Everyone get in here.”

The team started rising from their own seats within a moment, for once not arguing with the unusual show of affection and camaraderie.

“Hey, that means you, Legs,” Scout said, pointing an accusatory finger towards Sniper as the man stood up. “Get the fuck in here. You too Spy, don’t be a dick.”

“I’m just moving to get around the table, don’t be an animal,” Spy deadpanned, and Sniper murmured an agreement, and then the whole team was there. All just stood, practically crushing Pyro under the weight of eight men’s worth of embraces, and they returned it as best they could, still a bit sniffly.

But then, “Happy birthday to Leetle Pyro,” Heavy said decisively, and the sentiment was immediately echoed by the rest of the team, and then the waterworks were back in full effect. This apparently prompted Soldier to decide they weren’t hugging Pyro tightly enough, at which point he started hugging at maximum strength, surprising several mercs and almost sending them toppling into the table. Once they decided the sappiness was over, and Demo asked if anyone actually had any room left for the cake and largely got a chorus of “no”s in response, Scout picked it up and shoved it directly into Spy’s face, and the mood was back to a cheerful version of normal as Medic reminded them idly that they still had plenty of alcohol left to consume.

Pyro wouldn’t be hard pressed to call it the best birthday ever, especially since their being the one celebrating it meant they were informed that they didn’t have to help with the cleanup afterwards.

[himbowelsh]

You can totally ignore this if you want but I could I request some sad headcanons about the guys. Like how they deal with ptsd or insecurities or traumatic childhood incidents.

Richard Winters

dick isn’t emotionally open in general.  he keeps things in.  that’s how he was raised, how he’s grown up, and the only way he really knows how to cope with things.  talking about his feelings...  is uncomfortable.

that said, he processes them well.  dick doesn’t let negative emotions fester.  he finds releases for them, either through doing things he enjoys or spending time around his loved ones.  he’s not the sort of person to linger on things.

will definitely overwork himself when his mind is in a troubled place.   being productive helps him so much.  focusing on things he can control, things that need to get done...  sure, he’s going to bed at 3am, but it’s not because he’s upset, it’s because he was working.

doesn’t...  like being alone when things are on his mind.  it’s too easy to get sucked in, for those loud thoughts to drown everything else out.  being around other people...  not sharing, but just not being alone...  it helps.

Lewis Nixon

*summon the folger’s theme song*  the best part of waking up...  is an obscene amount of high-shelf liquor in your cup!!

hey, it’s nine o’clock...  in the morning.

literally.  nix is of the opinion that if you can’t drink the bad thoughts away, then they’re not worth thinking at all.  the thing is, his brain summons them anyways, because brains are awful like that.

he’s got a lot of trauma!!  so much trauma!!  his childhood was miserable, his family’s the worst, he feels like a disappointment and has no desire to try to prove himself to parents whose love was questionable from the day he was born...

lots of insecurities too.  can you tell?

he won’t talk about any of it unless he’s really, really drunk, with someone he counts among his closest friends.  then sometimes the negativity just rushes out.  he can’t help it, and it gets ugly.

otherwise, he broods, he holds it all in, and he drinks.  would he benefit from therapy?  yes, absolutely, but alcoholism tastes so much better.

Carwood Lipton

this is a healthy man right here

he copes with things.  lip has interests, outlets he can channel his frustrations into, and the ability to rationalize things internally and get them off his chest.  most things don’t weigh on him for long, because he’s got those sweet coping skills.

this isn’t even angsty.  he doesn’t have a lot of emotional angst.  he works through things, mostly by processing them on his own  ---  but if something’s really weighing on him, lip will turn to his most trusted person  (his mother gives great advice)  for an outlet.

Ron Speirs

heh heh.  ohhhh boy.

he’s...  he’s speirs, okay.  he’s not gonna open up and talk about what’s bothering him, because that’s his business, and no one else needs to know.

ron...  gets impulsive.  reckless.  places less regard on his own life.  he’ll do obscenely risky things because he’s kind of an adrenaline junkie; that burst of danger actually helps him cope with what’s bothering him.  at least, it gives him a good reason to keep going.

he retreats into himself when it comes to anything emotional.   broods a little, but if anyone asks what’s on his mind, he won’t say a word. 

“well, we’re all on a steady march towards death anyways, does anything really matter?  no.  i’m already dead so nothing has any consequences.  yeet.”

jesus christ, get this man some therapy.

Harry Welsh

talks it out.  literally, he’s just... gonna share things.  he’ll literally just do that.

harry sometimes can be an oversharer, but he never really learned to put a filter on his emotions.  it helps that he’s sort of the “water off a duck’s back” type of person; he doesn’t take a lot of things personally, so when he does need to rant about something, it’s usually big.  he turns to his loved ones, because he trusts them, and usually they can help.

but it is kind of weird for guys like nixon and winters, whose life mottos are “i’ll keep all of my emotions right here and then someday i’ll die”, to hear harry be like  “I’M UPSET TODAY AND HERE’S WHY”.  like...  he really doesn’t care who knows what’s going on in his soul, huh?  he’s really able to open up like that.

(harry is the most emotionally healthy man here, good for him)

Buck Compton

it’s called impostor syndrome, and buck has it.

he’s a confident guy, but under the surface, has insecurity in spades  ---  he feels like he has a lot to live up to, and doesn’t believe he’s doing everything well enough.  he’s supposed to be exceptional, and that’s a heavy burden to bear.  there’ll be a part of him that’s always going to feel like he’s not good enough.

like...  he seriously doesn’t know quite where to begin when processing negative emotions, because he feels like he should be able to deal with them himself.  his first instinct isn’t to talk it out, or seek out positive outlets; he keeps it all inside because he feels he can handle it.

don’t get me wrong, buck handles things well  ---  he’s resilient.   but every so often, the emotions just get so overwhelming, and boil up like a toxic spill inside of him; it can get overwhelming.  

Eugene Roe

conceal don’t feel buddy

look, gene...  never acquired coping skills growing up.  it wasn’t anyone’s first priority, and he had too many sisters monopolizing his mother’s time.  as a kid, gene had genuine anger issues, and would get into trouble often, because he just...  didn’t know how to deal with what he was feeling.

his grandmother was the one who stepped in and taught him how to pray.  that’s the closest thing gene has to comfort; he is quietly devout, and turns to god in his darkest moments when desperate for some guidance.  if he can’t talk to anyone else about what he’s feeling  ---  and he usually prefers not to  ---  he can speak freely to god.

but god can’t help him shoulder his burdens.  genuinely, gene just needs to learn to open up and share. keeping everything bottled up...  is not good for him.

George Luz

laugh the pain away, until you no longer can.

people assume george luz processes his emotions in a healthy way.  these people are incorrect.  his “fake it til you make it approach” isn’t the worst, but 9/10 therapists would not recommend.   (the 10th is luz, doing his best impression of a therapist.)

he laughs things off. it’s easier than to do that than to let people in.  george hates burdening others with his feelings.  he’s got a natural talent for keeping peoples’ spirits up, so bringing them down with him is...  a frightening idea.  it feels like failure.

for the most part, george is good at keeping things in and processing them internally.  if something’s really bothering him, people close can tell  ---  he hardly smiles, and his jokes aren’t as funny as they are dark  ---  but he’s usually able to recover without any help.  he’s good at dealing with things on his own.

he tries not to drink too much, because if he gets really really drunk, he loses his grip.  then it can all come spilling out, in a big messy wave of feelings, and he’d prefer to avoid that at all costs.

oh gosh, there’s this amazing fic that actually centers around babe and roe dealing with their problems, but there’s this one scene with luz, and it breaks me

Joe Toye

in a word?  not well.

joe dealing with things...  is not a pretty picture.  he prefers to not deal with things, to be honest, because it’s easier to pretend all the emotional shit doesn’t exist and just push it down until he can’t feel it anymore.  sometimes it even works.

truth is, joe has a lot of insecurities, and really struggles to deal with them.  they plague him]...  and while he can channel some of it into anger  (there’s a reason my modern!toye takes up kickboxing)  a lot of it just gets sent straight to depression central.

it’s not something he talks about easily, either.   he wasn’t raised in an environment that encouraged men talking about their feelings; joe comes from a tough irish family where everyone, especially the men, are supposed to keep a stern face and power through.  he’s only able to opens up to a few trusted people   (malarkey, maybe guarnere, maybe luz).  when the emotions reach a boiling point...  they don’t have anywhere to go.  they feel like they’re going to consume him.

he’s contemplated some dark things before, and it’s not something he’s proud of.

Bill Guarnere

what the hell is this man even made of???

bill takes all his negative emotions and converts them into fuel.    every tear his body forces him to shed adds an extra year to his life.

he’s incredibly resilient, and can power through pretty much anything.  losing his leg didn’t take him out for long; sure, it was a blow, but he bounced back from it as strong as ever.  losing his brother was agonizing  (worse than the leg, honestly)  and it made bill furious  ---  but that fury kept him going, and kept him alive.   he reacts to grief by turning it into anger, and once that anger dulls it’s just raw energy keeping him moving.

bill copes by being around people.  honestly  ---  just put him in a room with his best friends and his problems gradually fade out.   it’s not like he bares his soul to them; he just needs to be around friends, enjoying life. their presence helps him work through things better than any therapist.

(peak extrovert energy omg)

Babe Heffron

just like bill, babe also recovers by being around his favorite people.

he draws energy from them; it’s like he’s low on cash, so he asks his buddies for a few dollars, but in this case it’s emotional stability.  babe just copes better around other people.

left alone with his own thoughts...  things can get messy.

this man doesn’t do well with being alone in general  ---  he feels isolated, almost forgotten, and will seek out the nearest person just to chase those dark feelings away.  when babe’s struggling with something, he also struggles with how to deal with it.   the emotions are like a pot bubbling over inside of him, and he’s fighting to make sense of them all.  he can’t do that alone.

he has to express himself to someone.  ideally someone he trusts, but it might just end up being whoever’s available, or whoever’s nearby.  his dark emotions are very potent, and very painful; it takes a while for him to be free of them completely, but having someone else help make sense of them  (or just offer reassurance)  helps.

he’s a crier.  he’s not proud of it, but when babe’s really at his brink, he cries.  it’s an ugly sight.

Shifty Powers

just freaking...  goes off into the wilderness.

no, literally.  shifty needs some quiet time.  when he’s struggling, he’ll take his gun, take his car, and vanish for a while.   (that sounds...  worse than it is.  shifty’s not the kind of person to consider hurting himself.)    he just disappears into the woods.   

the longest he’s ever been gone was two whole days...  but he always returns with a clear head, willing to talk things out.

Joe Liebgott

he just...  straight up doesn’t, man.  he doesn’t deal with shit.  he pushes it aside, forces it back  ---  it’s not exactly repression, because the Bad Stuff is always there on the outskirts of his mind at all times, lieb just actively chooses not to deal with it.

(he’ll pick any fight except the ones in his own head.)

you’ve got to understand, he’s had his share of trauma.  he didn’t have an easy go of it before the war, and definitely not during.  liebgott collects emotional baggage like baseball cards, and at this point he’s got a full set.

if he can run from the emotions, he will.  this leads him to self-isolate, cutting himself off from the people who might be able to help; he doesn’t want to share all the negative emotions, because he doesn’t know how.  at his worst, he also tends to lash out, and...  other people don’t have to deal with that, okay?

joe will put off dealing with things for as long as possible, and never truly deal with them at all.

David Kenyon Webster

writing is literally his therapy.  putting his emotions down on paper helps.  formulating them into words is like a release, and having them laid out in front of him, where he can analyze it all lets him look at the problem objectively.  webster writes just to get things out...  sometimes because he can’t bear to hold it all inside any longer.

he also loves sailing, partly because of how freeing it is to be out on the open water.  he’s completely in control of his boat, and can go anywhere, anywhere in the world  ---  if he wanted, he could leave everything behind.  the notion is tantalizing.

webster really isn’t open about his negative feelings with others.  when it’s something personal...  it takes a lot for him to open up, and he’d have to trust that person implicitly.  a part of him feels that baring his emotions is just an invitation to be mocked, so he’s hesitant.

at least he processes them.  he’s not tormented by things, because he’s got his releases  ---  writing, and sailing.  if the mind is a prison, they set him free.

Donald Malarkey

catch malarkey right there in that kickboxing class with joe toye

look.  don feels things deeply, and takes things personally.  he can’t help it.  he doesn’t let go of things; if he’s been hurt badly, it’s an open wound on his soul forever, and it never heals.

he’s never a wreck.  like, he’s perfectly able to function, and has a unique ability to power through even in the darkest moments...  but those shadows are always there, and they weigh on him.  they smother him.   he can never really escape.

tends to avoid the topics which hurt him; when they come up, he can get testy  ---  or worse, teary!!  ---   and that’s not something he wants to burden anyone else with.     his greatest hurts are very private things to him, and he doesn’t want the people he cares about affected by them.

Skip Muck

skip channels his bad feelings into energy, and that energy needs to find its way out.

he’ll play guitar and sing along really aggressively.  he’ll deep-clean the entire house.  he’ll run just to feel the burn in his lungs, the ache in his limbs, until he’s too worn out to feel anything but exhaustion.

honestly, he gets a little manic when something’s bothering him.   he needs to chill.

skip is...  more willing than most to talk things out, so long as he has someone he trusts.   it’s not too hard for him to open up, he just needs to be able to open up to the right people.  his sister is a frequent confidant, as are malarkey and penkala.   skip doesn’t like many people seeing the darker side of him, but being able to talk about his feelings helps immensely.

Ralph Spina

genuinely... doesn’t have any baggage.

no childhood trauma.  no agonizing breakup story or betrayals.  no emotional damage whatsoever.  and when something is bothering him, his instinct is to just talk it out, and then it’s done. this man sleeps like a baby.

it’s freaky.

[punkscowardschampions]

Charlie & Ronnie

Charlie: You said you were coming to this thing

Charlie: can I send your apologies instead now?

Charlie: 👍

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: ill be there like i said

Charlie: Time management was never one for the CV

Charlie: but you’re already more than fashionably late, dear

Ronnie: &

Ronnie: invite came from mckenna and he dont care

Charlie: It’s not his dinner party

Ronnie: no shit

Ronnie: its not yours either calm down like

Charlie: I’m just saying, you’ve wrangled an invite as is

Charlie: you’re gonna make it more awkward because?

Ronnie: if shes not got you working the door now as another favour why the fuck are you so bothered is what im just saying mary

Charlie: They’re nice kids, whatever beef you’ve got with your brother and the rest, I don’t see why you’ve got to involve them, is what I’m saying

Charlie: they’ve not got fuck all to do with your family drama

Ronnie: err he ll be made up dont you want me to be a boss big sister

Charlie: the kid clearly has his own issues

Charlie: I could spot codependent and toxic before you could walk, don’t lie to me, like

Ronnie: cant walk now so stall the starters or dont

Charlie: For fuck’s sake Veronica

Ronnie: you wanted the truth bitch

Charlie: You can’t show up here high

Charlie: they’ll be terrified, might call the cops

Ronnie: showing up sober is what i cant do

Charlie: don’t you think you should take a break from him

Charlie: whatever you decide to do after, you need to calm it down

Ronnie: it was you who said not to act like he werent about

Charlie: yeah, you can’t pretend it hasn’t happened obviously

Charlie: but that was before you shot him up

Ronnie: and after you told me to look after him

Ronnie: make up your fucking mind baby

Charlie: What would be preferable is you not fucking doing it

Charlie: really should go without saying

Ronnie: it fucking wouldnt

Ronnie: you cant hack living with me on gear how do you reckon itd be with me off it

Charlie: I meant dosing a kid, ‘cos there’s no way it happened the once

Charlie: and there are options for you, for free on the glorious NHS for now

Ronnie: you meant both 🖕 he werent a kid when you wanted to fuck him

Charlie: Not the same is it

Charlie: someone can be old enough for sex and not old enough for you to ruin their life

Ronnie: love ya for the flattery but his life was fucked before he found me

Charlie: was he using

Ronnie: youre the only cunt i know who reckons hes above it even B uses 💊

Charlie: yeah because there aren’t levels to it

Charlie: come off it

Charlie: the 💊s he takes aren’t on the level of smack, at all

Ronnie: mckenna aint never gonna let you daddy him you can stop pretending to give a shit

Charlie: I give a shit because you’re a mess

Charlie: more than usual

Ronnie: i dont usually have to babysit any bastard half brothers like

Charlie: you’re choosing to come tonight though

Ronnie: i owe him after that call centre bullshit

Charlie: and that’s it?

Ronnie: what the fuck else would it be

Charlie: You tell me

Ronnie: i just did

Charlie: Alright then

Ronnie: [show up so he can judge the absolute state of you IRL and have to make allowances for that and how rude you are]

Charlie: [we all know how this goes, feel his shame and judgment in how much work we have to do to cover up your behaviour]

Ronnie: [how offended and upset she would be that he's ashamed of her is killing me because how could he not be babe]

Charlie: [oh honey, like what else could we be lol]

Ronnie: [the real question is have you picked up on the jealous and intense incesty vibes yet boy or what do you think is happening lol]

Charlie: [If anyone would pick up on it, we know you and your possessive energy]

Ronnie: [yeah that was my thought cos he knows her the best and they have their own weird history and vibe so]

Charlie: [he’s obvs not going to talk to you right now because mad and also like !!! but feel free to do some if you wanna]

Ronnie: [gonna have her try and talk to him when Jamie is talking to Joe for obvious reasons lol but before we’re bleeding]

Ronnie: you can lord it you were right but lets bail yeah

Ronnie: charlie come ed soft lad

Ronnie: what you ignoring me for 🖕💔

Ronnie: fucks sake

Ronnie: [after the briefest pause because he won’t immediately reply to her just gotta go into graphic detail about that OD she had in Margate before Joe got there cos he can clearly see all the self harm that’s going on but she wouldn’t have told him about this until literally now]

Charlie: [just a look like DON’T that cannot be overstated]

Charlie: why would you do that

Ronnie: can we fucking go now

Charlie: you can

Charlie: don’t use your self-destruction to hold me hostage, you’re beyond too old for that now, Jesus fucking Christ

Ronnie: [this makes logical sense to be where Sophie pops up with the kitchen roll etc and then bathroomgate so all of that is kicking off]

Charlie: [just out here doing the most to cover for you]

Charlie: what the fuck are you doing

Ronnie: [because they are doing the most in that tiny bathroom LOL you can have a reply once she’s left]

Ronnie: leaving

Ronnie: youre welcome

Charlie: yeah, you did me such a solid there, tah

Ronnie: you too florence dead caring

Charlie: you can’t hack a kid’s dinner party?

Ronnie: fuck you

Ronnie: you know whats wrecking my head

Charlie: yet you can’t leave him alone

Charlie: how the fuck can I do anything if you won’t do that

Ronnie: you werent gonna do fuck all end of

Ronnie: youve not

Charlie: you aren’t a kid, I can’t force you to sort your life out

Ronnie: yeah cos being like you will save me

Charlie: I’m not OD’ing with strangers

Ronnie: 💔 everyone liked you better when you were using

Charlie: you did

Charlie: and that isn’t a good enough reason to be a junkie forever

Ronnie: no shit i did

Charlie: well I’m so sorry your majesty

Charlie: God forbid I sort my life for me

Ronnie: nobody but you gives a fuck you stopped snorting lines out of every twinks arse crack

Ronnie: god forbid you shut the fuck up about it and this recovery bullshit

Charlie: you clearly give a fuck, Ronnie

Ronnie: you give more of a fuck about mckennas flatmates than you do about me

Charlie: that’s bullshit

Charlie: you only came to ruin their night, you got mad when it weren’t going your way

Charlie: you expected me to help?

Ronnie: i dont give a shit about these teenagers

Ronnie: im losing it and you reckon theyre on my mind

Charlie: Is ruining his life going to fix yours

Charlie: no

Ronnie: youve never had to hack this dont fucking tell me how to

Charlie: because you’re the only one who has family issues

Charlie: fuck you, you know I’d give anything to be in your spot

Ronnie: if i could swap our places i would

Ronnie: i dont wanna fucking be here doing this with him & you aint even tried to get your head round that

Charlie: in what world does it need to be like this

Ronnie: the world im living in where the fuck is your head at

Charlie: why can’t you just fucking

Charlie: cut him off or actually try

Ronnie: this is me trying

Ronnie: i didnt hang myself off the back of their bathroom door

Charlie: then you need to stop

Charlie: I’ll tell him to leave you alone now

Ronnie: hes gonna do that now without you flouncing in

Charlie: I’m still doing it, you ain’t here to stop me

Ronnie: hot but you still aint his type

Charlie: not funny

Ronnie: not joking

Charlie: don’t be tapped, I wouldn’t go anywhere near him now

Ronnie: stick your dick where you like i dont give a fuck

Charlie: yeah well I’m slightly more discerning, tah very much

Ronnie: these days

Charlie: yeah, where we live now

Charlie: I’m not trying to relive my worst years every weekend

Ronnie: yeah such a grown up youre having dinner with kids

Ronnie: save this little speech to pull the wool over the eyes of whatever wool homo youre gonna try and pull at the weekend

Charlie: I never said I was there yet

Charlie: better than the state of you

Ronnie: 🖕💔

Ronnie: state of me yeah after whats just happened youve seen fuck all yet soft cunt

Charlie: that’s the sound of me being unimpressed

Charlie: grow up

Ronnie: shut up properly by getting out of my fucking face

Charlie: I’m going out

Ronnie: with your new bezzies

Charlie: what’s it to you

Ronnie: youre not a junkie and youre still the most selfish cunt i know have a word with yourself

Charlie: because I’m not jumping to do exactly what you want, no matter how dumb or shit an idea it is

Charlie: yeah, I’m the problem, alright babe

Ronnie: you reckon you wanna be in my place so bad but you cant even hack it from there

Ronnie: since when have i gotta beg for help off you

Charlie: I wouldn’t act like a dick if anyone from my family reached out

Charlie: and what help? You haven’t asked for help, you wanted me to help you shit on some random kids to make you feel better for 10 seconds

Charlie: if you actually told me anything seriously, if you wanted help and not just someone to get high with

Ronnie: i wanted to fucking leave & cos i didnt its pure fucked now

Ronnie: i am my head is worse than before and you dont give a single shit

Charlie: what did you do

Ronnie: like fuck are you getting the gossip

Charlie: gossip are you serious

Charlie: ‘cos this either is and I’m the shittest mate in the world or it isn’t and it’s ‘gossip’

Ronnie: shittest mate is right weve established it

Charlie: what did you do

Ronnie: fuck you its your fault

Charlie: then tell me what I did bitch

Ronnie: i told you we shouldve gone

Charlie: okay, we should’ve gone

Charlie: go on

Ronnie: you were there

Charlie: yeah, and I was covering for you

Ronnie: yeah well done

Charlie: you say that like I’m meant to know what the fuck you were doing, is my point

Charlie: i was a little busy sorting your mess

Ronnie: you had a cob on over that mess and the one im in after it is loads fucking worse so theres fuck all you can sort for me now

Charlie: calm down and stop being dramatic

Charlie: just tell me and we’ll sort it

Ronnie: fuck off

Ronnie: thank christ i dont need you to calm down

Ronnie: [gonna go get messy obvs so she probably won't reply but if you wanna try go ahead hun]

Charlie: yeah, smack has served you SO well thus far

Charlie: what a great idea

Charlie: come on

Charlie: oh, the silent treatment in return, really

Charlie: very mature

Charlie: I’ll see you when I get home

[grlfriends]

revolutionary girl utena review

ep 1-5

the plot is actually kinda different from what I thought ?? in my mind the plot was: utena was a girl in a princess school who each and every princess would be "conquered" (for a lack of better words rn) in a ceremonial duel by a prince who fancied them, maybe she didnt wanna wanna marry anyone or she liked Anthy already but anyway in my mind utena showed up in the ceremony with duel clothing and then, in a very brave tm like-scene, she would openly declare she refused to be conquered by anyone and tbh I'm not even sure how Anthy would come into the plot... but back into what actually happened in the episodes everything so far is very introductory and just showing what mechanics will be explored further down the line I think?? the op is really good too

also every boy so far reminds me so much of knights of the zodiac?? maybe it's just the design I guess...) and nanami can get these hands, jealousy is a disease and she's the sickest person on earth for all I know

dont ask me why bit I just feel like room of mirrors - gfriend has a very well fitting vibe for it but I'm not exactly sure why hm.... 🤔🤔

ep 6-12

ok so why does this school just have random animals around 😐 I could understand the horse but a bull and a kangaroo?? what ...

touga just says the most random dramatic things and then just casually says anyone who believes in friendship is a fool ?? the guy wouldnt last a day in the naruto universe tbh, he kinda irks me in some way but I'm not sure why so I'll live with this strange feeling for a while I guess

↳ okay so watching ep 10 made me especially kinda creeped out, I know I've watched only 10 eps so far but like can he fall downstairs and break a neck or something already ...

also haha what if I watched that bet on it fmv and gave myself a bunch of spoilers would that be funny or what 😍 this is why i cant have nice things yall.... hope my memory goes to shit when sleep so I dont remember about it this week while I finish it

I feel like the main thing on the episodes are parallels, one way or another I always feel like they're setting up parallels and giving me clues for a bigger picture and a deeper plot arc that is still to come and the bet on it fmv just made this impression stronger, also I wanna say it's done in a good way, one that is both mysterious (??) and "honey you've got a big storm coming" at the same time 🤔🤔 much to think about honestly

↳ just saw ep 11 and even though I already knew this was coming sooner or later it still felt like crap seeing utena lose to dick head, at the end of the episode when he says anthy was always just reflecting utena's own wishes for himemiya (in another way bc I dont remenber the exact words) it felt like 😐 bc yes I knew that (the way she was working her thoughts was simply a copy and paste of what utena was saying) at all time I kept those essays about anthy in my head, I dont think theyll be truly relatable to what I'm seeing rn but yeah anthy rights (even though I know you betray/cheat on utena down the line bc of the bet on it fmv but I'm sure you had your own motivation)

↳ saw ep 12 bc I just couldnt handle being in a cliffhanger and yeah it happened what I absolutely thought it would lmao not that it was that difficult to foresee but yeah, I kinda liked how utena did it for her instead of being like "oh I wanna save anthy from touga" and treating her like a damsel in distress (I know that's kinda her position as the rose bride for what I've been told so far and that this is a subject spoken about in many many essays on tumblr but yeah) bc so far she's been treated as a trophy and a way to get something else, for the green haired guy it was a way to see something eternal, for miki it was a way to hold on into his "shining thing" and for touga it seems (so far) like a way to manipulate (just like he does with nanami) and just mark his position as above everyone else as he seems to view himself?? man I might be saying random stuff rn but it kinda does makes sense in my mind with the information I've had to this point

ep 13-25

honestly 😐😐 through 9 whole episodes I felt like they were trying to make the side characters deeper and show their hidden face and motivations but it felt so shallow...... not even actually shallow, just not deep enough that it would make me care about these characters and the fact there was no actual build to showing us why we're getting to know these characters backgrounds was just kinda meh too, didnt really help that all episodes had all the same formula and the same timing just for the developers made in those episodes be forgotten at the end and also just that pink haired guy could be like "ah failure again", it felt like watching the same episode over and over again, it was really tiring and like?? girl help I do not care about these characters at all, I feel like it could have been done well (like the keiko ep in comparison to the furuba chapter that deals with the yuki appreciation (??) club president graduating.... the way this ep was done and setup didn't really bring me any emotions) overall not to my taste and tbh I feel like I could have skipped all those episodes except for maybe the miki and juri one so 😑

all nanami focused episodes are the worst so far, she's so boring and I cant stand now annoying she is, the diary episode?? the cow episode?? the episode when tsuwabiki fuels with utena?? honestly I know they're trying to show me a better and different side of her but it just doesnt!! work!! bc i feel no sympathy for her, my biggest wish rn is her and touga just disappearing and no more filler episodes🗣🗣

I thought akio was utena's prince?? but apparently he's just anthy's brother and like.. I'm do done with his little talks with utena and yadda yadda, I just wanna see their duel is that too much to ask I'm dying over here (if this lenga lenga continues until ep 25 i will be so mad bc why were so many episodes wasted on such boring and and not necessary side characters backstories?? idc about them at all man aaaaaaaaaa)

↳ ep 25 was good finally we got what we deserve boys 😭😭😭😭😭 can utena just beat up akio already I'm tired of his ass, he exhales both "I'm a feminist I even take women studies classes #herstory" and "if she breathes she's a thot" energy also he has 0 style that mullet is simply horrible I bet there's a hairstylist community who considers him a criminal bc like 😐 it is simply so bad (q bit less when it's tied up but when it's all lose jesus Christ)

also touga thinks he's suuuuch a genius, sooo smart like king, I do not care about you at all can you shut the fuck up please and can we tall about the pink haired guy episode?? wack. honestly thought it would be more emotional or something, I binge watched 12 episodes with his ugly haircut face and did not even feel a thing he can choke I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ANTHY TAKING A SWORD OUT OF UTENA'S CHEST??? OSCAR WORTHY KINGS❗❗❗and then her lame ass brother being like "oh ho ho idk idk" shut up no one cares no one cares I swear to you no one cares shut uuuuup

ep 25-39

first of all, ep 25 was good but kinda reminded me of the nine episodes (13 until 21) where absolutely nothing interesting happened so I hope I'm wrong also can I just say just seeing the preview of the next episode made me roll my eyes so bad I almsot saw my brain?? bc yeah I'm fucking tired of nanami fosuced episodes she's so annoying oh my god nobody cares about a goddamn egg and much less one coming from her let her die or something pls she's so annoying there's nothing I've learned about her that was not against my own will I'm basically rotting over here 🤒

↳ ep 30 has me thinking Akio has a foot fetish or something 😐 bruh leave utena aloooooone I already know your plans and schemes you're not fooling anyone that's embarrassing for u and also... utena you're not very bright are you.... you start seeing every duelist you face with the same exact car and then when you see akio has the same car you didnt even stop to think about it that 1+1 equals 2 ... girl help yourself 😐

↳ yet again another nanami focused ep 😐😐😐😐😐 even though I do understand her better now I still don't find her particularly enjoyable to watch, call me a woman hater but like. idk she's still a bit annoying to me (but touga is straight up evil and is manipulating her so I feel bad for feeling like that tho.....)

↳ ok last 2 eps to go but listen. I thought the akio duel would have happened much sooner, maybe on ep 33 max but well didn't this age well lmao ngl, it did seem a bit too slow paced for my personal taste but also I feel like there's a certain level of drama that comes with slowing the pace down....

↳ aaaaaa yall I'm kinda 😢😭 over the ending omg........... even though it took the best of me to keep going in some parts I still enjoyed the ending aaaaa I thought i wouldnt really like it bc I just usually dont enjoy this type of ending but stil 😢😢😢😢 wait for me utena 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 girl I cried and then anthy walking in the end god utena and anthy holding hands 😭😭😭😭 akio can suck my dick

there's obviously many things I've missed or that I kinda didnt really pay attendance to so please dont take this serious, I was just writing as I watched the episodes so it's more like a thought compilation than anything, still I can see why there's many essays written about it and why it is held as a masterpiece by so many people

[foolishlovebugbaby]

skz’s reaction to their s/o being a classical musician

requested by @wxnterlee​!! i hope you like it, sorry it took so long hkjdhfkhsg <33

bang chan

The first time he’s introduced to you is at a busking event at a christmas market

It’s the holiday season, so skz being skz they wanted to really feel that christmas spirit

But as they’re strolling, they reach this live band playing christmas tunes

And usually those mellow, low-key songs would play around this time of year but this band was anything but that

It was lively and every synonym for jolly

And as he scans the band, his eyes finally land on you

You’re playing the saxophone with so much energy and really feeling the music that his eyes are just so drawn to you

He can’t explain it, but he can’t take his eyes off of you

It doesn’t help that you’re extremely attractive either

His eyes never leave you through the entirety of the performance, and you definitely take notice

Mans is as subtle as a gun lmao

You make it a point to smile at him directly after the first set of performances because ure cheeky like that, and you immediately see him flush in the cold

So now he frequents the market and always makes sure to catch at least one performance of yours 

But then one day you approach him and chan internally yells because he’s in a hetero panic 

But then he chills out because you’re so warm and inviting and you both get to know each other slowly

Needless to say, the rest was history

As a boyfriend, chan is your number 1 hype man

And i mean Hype Man

He always makes it a point to watch your performances whenever he can

Esp whenever you have big recitals that get you all nervous, he’s always there no matter what to cheer you on and give you a pep talk and take you out for a celebration dinner afterwards

And he loves the way you light up when you play

The sheer passion in the way you perform and in everything you do in general makes him fall so deeply in love with you each time

He’s also a clown and never fails to try and attempt to play the saxophone whenever you have it with you

He fails miserably, but he’s cute and you love him more than anything else :’)

lee know

Knowing the crackhead he is, the only reason why he was able to meet you was because instead of booking a cinema ticket for frozen 2, he booked a musical titled Frozen II

The show had nothing to do with badass sisters and magical talking stones (it was some winter musical or sumn, minho wasn’t sure), and the moment he realised this, he was all pouty

But then he scanned over the orchestra and thought that for once his dumbass worked with him and not against him

Because there you sat, looking as ethereal as ever, playing the harp

He swore up and down you were a goddess

Like, hera or aphrodite’s reincarnate

The only magic he saw that night was you, and he was more than happy about that

He tried his hardest to meet you, to tell you what an amazing job you did, but alas, he couldn’t reach you because visitors weren’t allowed to go backstage

So he got all sulky and :(( as he exited the theatre

But by a miracle, as he was walking back to his car, he saw a certain someone struggling with bags and equipment of all sorts as they walked out of the back entrance, and minho’s heart skipped a beat when he realised it was you

Of course he rushes to help you bea=cause chivalry 

And he makes it a point to compliment you and make small talk as he helps you to your car

As fate would have it, the two of you become good acquaintances, then close friends, and even closer more-than-friends until you finally had the guts to just ask him to be your boyfriend and you don’t even take a breath before he says yes

Minho as a bf is minho as a bff but on lsd i swear to god

He already goes to majority of your performances, but when that boy is cuffed jesus christ he makes sure he’s in the front row for every damn performance no matter how small

You’re his harp-playing goddess who walked straight out of eden in his eyes, how could he not???

He’s also humorously afraid to go near your harp because he knows the moment he’s within arms length from it, something will go wrong

Being the weirdo he is he always finds a way of personifying your harp and whining about how you spend much more time with it than with him

And you’re like??? And he’s all like :((( 

So you just have to give him a cuddle and boop

Ugh what a cutie

changbin

Dark rapper meets classy cello player???? 

An aesthetic.

Because you both are polar opposites in the music world, the only reason you knew about him is because your mutual friend had dragged you to an underground rap battle (much to your dismay) as a way to “get you out of your shell”

As much as you thought you’d hate it, you really enjoyed yourself

Esp when you laid your eyes on Changbin

Just everything about his aura was so enthralling to you and you so desperately wanted to get to know him and asked your friend to introduce you, but to no avail :((

After that, you didn’t really see him again

But one fateful night, unbeknownst to you, your friend had dragged changbin all the way to your music studio because he was in desperate need of a recording booth as the ones in the company were all occupied 

When he entered, what he did not expect was to witness an absolute daydream right before his eyes

You sat inside the booth playing the cello, recording a snippet of a symphony you so desperately needed practice on, and hadn’t noticed them walked in, too concentrated on the music sheet in front of you

But oh god, to say changbin was impressed was an understatement

Dang he thought he produced good music, but the music that you made???? 

Absolutely magical.

When you ended the piece and looked up, you almost had a heart attack

Literally jumped out of your seat a lil bit because they both were just staring at you

But once you both introduced yourselves, it was like you both were two sides of the same coin

You both grow closer and realise that you really are opposites of each other

But in a good way??? like everything is so complimentary

So you shared your playlist of symphonies and he shared his playlist of lyrical masterpieces and these songs suddenly become the soundtrack to your love story 

Ugh he’s such an amazing boyfriend because he helps you with his recordings and vice versa

You’re both super critical of your own work so the pair of you make it a point to remind each other of how good you’re doing 

And just being with you opened up this whole new world of music for changbin 

He’s so grateful for it that he can’t describe it in words

He even asks you to record small pieces so that he can add them into his music

And you have a habit of turning skz’s and his own music into cello versions

Thank god opposites attract

hyunjin

Mister dancer over here loves going to dance workshops of different types

Hip-hop, contemporary- you name it

So when he signed up for a 2-week modern dance class, he definitely got more than he bargained for

He didn’t know what he was supposed to expect, but goddamnit he did not expect to have his limbs feel like they were falling apart

So after class, when everyone had left, he literally just laid on the floor all sweaty and tired wanting nothing more than to crash n sleep

But then !!

He heard a piano melody echo through the room, a mix of melancholic yet romantic notes floating through the air

And when he lifted his head up to look for the source of the sound, his eyes settled on your figure at the other end of the hall

As it turns out, you were the pianist for this specific studio and for all modern dance productions

You didn’t notice him at all- mostly because the lights were dimmed and mans was too busy dying on the floor to make his presence known

But dear lord did your music make him feel some typa way

He just wanted to dance to it, express himself through it

So once you finished, he just clapped from where he was on the floor without getting up

Think lazy seal on its back

Nevermind the fact that he literally almost made you scream

But you both introduced yourselves properly to one another, and let’s just say that hyunjin started to look forward to his bone-breaking classes a lot more than he would’ve thought

At first it was purely because he thought u were cute and he had a middle school crush on you

But then as the days progressed, he found himself more and more drawn to you and the way you played the piano

Always so concentrated and the expression on your face mimicked the piece you were playing

And agghfhf he loved being able to dance to your melodies

So when his lil 2-week excursion was over, he was all :(((((((((((((x10009283 because he knew he wouldn’t be able to see you as often

So he mustered up all his strength to ask you out on a proper date

Now, when you both become official, dear lord is this man always going to ask you to play something for him

Literally the ABC’s would suffice 

He’s just so smitten with you and your love for the piano that he always wants to see you play because it lights up your entire face

And when you compose pieces just for him to dance to, his heart m e l t s

He also always begs you to teach him, but he’s such a flirt that not much teaching goes on lol

It makes me feel loopy imagining hyunjin dance to the melody his s/o plays like do u feel me ohmygod idk what to do w myself

han

Han’s first encounter with you was purely accidental

Like a literal accident

As in, he was just walking down the sidewalk not really paying attention when he ran into you

You, a clumsy violinist who had just exited your apartment complex in a rush to get to your lesson that you were already late for, suddenly found yourself knocked over and on the sidewalk in a daze

Jisung was h o r r i f i e d

He rushed to your aid, helping your disoriented self stand up but

Your fall was the least of your worries

Because there, strewn across the sidewalk, was your life your love your baby

Your violin

You rushed to it and inspected it for any dents and scratches and phew

Thank god your hard case protected it for the most part, save for minor dents and scratches

So you let out a breath and finally face the culprit of your heart palpitations

And suddenly you’re given a different set of heart palpitations because big, round eyes of an extremely, unfairly handsome man looks at you with concern and guilt and you suddenly forget how you ended up there in the first place

Lots of apologies from han’s side and he offers to buy you a drink 

But you’re in a rush so you tell him nah

But he’s like pls pls and so you’re like but i have to go and he’s like i’ll wait for u and you’re like O-O o-ok,,,

So he sits awkwardly outside your practice studio, but the moment he hears and sees you play through the glass window, he feels the wind knocked out from his chest

So now he just makes it a point to get to know you by asking you out more and more 

Like changbin, when you both become a thing, your relationship revolves so much around your mutual love of music 

And he lovesss getting to help you improve and vice versa

And on your one year anniversary he bought you a replacement violin to make up for the one he scratched up during your first meeting and you’re just like :’)))) i would’ve destroyed my violin a thousand times if it meant getting to meet you :’)))))

felix

Like minho, it’s Felix’s sheer crackheadness that allows fate to cause the two of you to meet

Like one day he decides on a whim that he wants to learn the viola so he books classes on the first learning centre he sees on the internet

But when he got to the class,,,,

As it turns out, the one that he booked was for beginner kids, not beginner adults

Cue tiny heads plus yours snapping to the door and staring at a blushing felix

Not only did he just embarrass himself in general, but the moment he saw how attractive you were he just wanted the world to swallow him whole

But he paid a good amount of money for it so he sucks in his cheeks and decides to stay for the class

He’s so awkward when he comes into the room ksdfjs you find it so cute because even though he’s like more than twice the height of the kids, his face and expression are just as small

You introduce yourself and vice versa, and you begin teaching everyone the basics

Immediately felix has a crush on you

And he wonders whether there’s a big age gap because uhm you’re a teacher and he’s a student

But turns out you do this as a side job and are a performing arts school student with the same age as him and he’s just like :DDD 

So now he always makes sure to come to class on time

Actually, even earlier than on time because he wants to get some alone time with you before the rest of the class cockblocks intervenes

And slowly you both develop a strong bond

Even though he’s a crackhead and it’ll take you 2757264597 years to explain to him the difference between a viola and a violin, you don’t mind because at least with him being your boyfriend, you can give him a kiss to shut him up abt it :)

Even after his viola classes ended and you both became official, he still had a lot of interest in learning that instrument so you always teach him

And he offers to pay for lessons but you always reject it because duh hello you’re my bf shutup just give me a kiss and buy me ice cream instead??

And he teaches you a thing or two about dance, even though you look like those blow-up mascots in front of car dealerships whenever you do

He thanks the universe that he’s goofy and a crackhead, because at least he now has you :))

seungmin

So on a trip to a jazz house is when seungmin first met you

Yes, a jazz house

Don’t ask why but skz just wanted to go okay let them be

They watched multiple groups perform and were having the time of their lives

But something about you just caught seungmin’s eye

You were apart of the last group coming to perform and you played the double bass

He thought you looked so goddamn cool and slick whenever you played 

And he found it adorable the way the instrument was almost the exact same size as yourself

Like chan, he’s about as subtle as a gun with the way he looks at you

And he’s so enthusiastic during the performance, always hooting and clapping after each song 

And you take notice and find him so absolutely adobable because who wouldn’t

And after the performance he even yells encore so loudly and the rest of skz just laughs at his antics

But mans is so shy to approach you afterwards

He can barely move towards you 

It takes a jeongin a hyunjin and a whole ass changbin to mentally and physically push seungmin to say hi to you

And after a whole 10 minutes of convincing, he finally does

And you both talk and talk and talk that he doesn’t realize all the boiz left him

Traitors

So the two of you make plans to meet up another day

Another day becomes two

Then three

Then ten

And soon enough (after much pushing again from the entire skz) he asks you to be his officially

He always tries to show up to any and all of your gigs, big or small

And he��s sooooo boastful about it it’s so cute like he’ll have videos saved on his phone of you playing and send them to anyone and everyone

His parents, the skz gc

Almost sent it to jyp himself too lmao

You’re just so cool to him that he wants the rest of the world to know it as well

But, like minho, he won’t go near your instrument

He’s so intimidated by it it’s hilarious

So he sticks to watching it from afar and hfkjhkgjfh

Big smooch 

i.n

During a music event is when jeongin first laid eyes on you

But not because he saw you perform

Your performance group shared the same backstage lounge as skz and everyone was just getting to know each other

And you and jeongin really clicked well because you both were the youngest and the same age 

He had absolutely no clue who u were tho and he didn’t want to be rude so he didn’t ask what kpop group u were from

But as it turns out you weren’t apart of a kpop group at all

You were apart of an orchestra doing a special stage and you played the flute and jeongin was just like O_O when he found out 

You played the flute and damn did u play it well

Jeongin just stood in front of the screen astounded and seungmin did not and will not stop clowning him for it

After it ended, jeongin was quick to congratulate and compliment you 

And he rambles about how it was so unexpected and you blush so much because he’s so cute

And so you both exchange numbers and frequently text from then on, becoming really good friends

And then slowly developing feelings for each other

Cue cute highschool confession tingz

Jeongin as a bf is super adorable

He’s always asking you to send voice notes of you playing the flute

But not just to any song

He’ll request crackhead ones like the wii music, some trot song, into the unknown

And you’re just like????? Okay, my quirky king

And in return you force him to send voice notes of him singing more trot songs

He attempts to play your flute

But he always messes up but he’s so adorable that you tell him he’s doing great just so that he keeps playing cutely

:’))))))))))

choosing to do ot8 now,,, it’s difficult to imagine skz as ot9 in my head then be brought back to reality of ot8.. please understand :( but i will take separate woojin requests

[zankivich]

In My Blood: Wolf!Shawn x Black Reader: A coffee shop/baker AU

a/n: Look. I’ve been reading fanfic a long ass time. And I’ve been reading supernatural fanfic just about as long. And I dead ass have never in my 21 years encountered a story where the point of view, where the story, is centered on a black woman. So, we gone change that today. I am absolutely obsessed with this. It honestly started out pretty horrid, so I’m so happy she came together. I hope y’all like it! Let me know tbh. 

Trigger warnings: mentions of sexual situations, conversations regarding race/hint at police brutality, cussing

It rained the day you moved in. This would go on to become your new normal though so you thought you might as well get used to it. Moving to a new town was always hard. It helped a little bit that the town was so small, tucked quietly away in the midst of trees and general greenery, it was just extremely different from your norm. You’d been a doctor in a large city for a few years where the hustle and bustle of corporate medicine had taken its toll on you. You wanted an intimate setting of clientele, not squeezing people in just for the sake of money and greed. So, when you saw an ad looking to basically apprentice someone into their practice so they could retire, you took the leap and left.The nearest hospital was a bit of a drive, forty-five or so minutes into the city, so the clinic usually served most people for their day to day problems. It was perfect.

So, you packed up all of your shit and moved to this tiny town, the kind of town where people noticed when someone new arrived. It was also the kind of town where when the Black girl moved in with her shea butter and head scarfs, people might feel inclined to take pause. The good news was that you were unapologetic and quite ready to make yourself comfortable. One might say you were ready to take on the world.

One day when you were still settling in, but couldn’t take unpacking another box you went for a walk to try and get used to the new town around you. The first thing you stumbled upon was a cute little coffee shop with this beautiful image of a wolf as its logo. You quickly stepped inside. There were a few people sat around tables with their earbuds in typing away on laptops. The counter was large and took up most of the shop with a big display of baked treats sitting proudly beside the register. There was no line, but you could clearly see a guy cleaning up at one of the tables so you stepped towards to the display case to see if anything caught your eye.

“I’ll be with you in one moment!” He called moving so quickly he was practically a blur.

“Oh no worries, take your time.”

You were stuck between a chocolate croissant that looked like it was the size of your head and a cinnamon bun of equal proportion when he finally stepped up the counter.

“So sorry about that, what can I get you?”

You looked up and honest to god your heart must have skipped a beat. First of all your eyes went to the average height of any other human you’d ever talked to you, which barely cleared the abs of this ridiculous human being. And then there was the color in his cheeks which stood so starkly on his jagged jawline. His eyes were honey brown and he had these beautiful curls that seemed to take on a life of their own. He was absolutely beautiful. And huge. And warm looking in the apron that was slung around his waist. Honestly what the hell?

It didn’t help that he seemed to pause when he saw you too. As if anything you had going on could cause the kind of reaction this man was creating within you.

“Uhhhhh...H--Hello.” You stammered awkwardly, brain completely fried.

WORDS WORDS WHAT ARE WORDS?

“You’re new here.” He murmured teeth nipping at his bottom lip.

“Yea. I um I just moved into town over the weekend actually. I’m working at the clinic with Dr. Savage? I’ll be taking over for him eventually.”

He hummed and it was like windchimes.

“Ah, I didn’t know Dr. Savage had actually found someone. He certainly didn’t mention you.”

“Should he have?” You asked slightly confused.

“Oh, we just go way back. He’s a family friend, and really important to the community. I always stop in and bring him breakfast after the rush here.”

“Ah.”

He stared at you for a second and you stared back and it wasn’t awkward, but more charged, more like both of you wanted to say something that you couldn’t find the words for. Eventually he smiled and his teeth glinted sending your heart into another round of unsteady rhythms.

“I’m sorry. You must be waiting for me to actually do my job. What can I get you, honey?”

Jesus. Christ.

You smiled. “I think I was actually trying to figure out if I should try the chocolate croissant or the cinnamon roll. Which would you recommend?”

“Both.” He said instantly. “You should have both.”

You chuckled. “Please. They’re massive. I could never finish them.”

“You can take them home with you.”

“I could always just come back to try the other.”

“I’d rather you come back knowing what you want.” He murmured.

You paused for another moment, his statement seeming to be layered. There was also something about his eyes, so warm and inviting, that it was incredibly difficult to say no. You were a black woman after all, you’d been raised to say no. What was up this guy?

“Why don’t you go sit down and I’ll surprise you instead? Would you like a cup of coffee too?”

You nodded slowly. “Can you make a white mocha?”

“‘Course I can.” He grinned showing off his teeth once again.

You thought it best you just go sit down because you were beginning to feel lightheaded.

It was hard not to get swept up in his energy. He was wearing a white t-shirt that hung on his body beautifully. His shoulders were broad and twitched endlessly under the fabric as he shuffled around behind the counter. You suddenly wished you could draw or paint, because surely he was deserving of such a treatment.

When he stepped back up to your table his hands were completely full. He was balancing two plates in one palm and a massive cup of coffee on the other. You were starting to get the sense that portions weren’t really a thing here. You also couldn’t help but noticed that nothing looked too big when he was holding it in his hands. But nothing could have prepared you for him to set down your treats and then immediately plop a squat beside you.

“I want to see your first reaction. Everyone in town is old and comes here every day.” He smiled.

You swallowed. “Well I guess if you’re gonna join me for breakfast you could at least tell me your name.”

“I’m Shawn.” He chuckled reaching his oven mit sized hand out for yours.

“Y/n.”

His hand was warm. In fact he seemed to radiate heat like an oven. But, you couldn’t tell if that was you sweating like an idiot or if he just really was that warm. What a shit show.

“That’s a beautiful name. Now try your croissant, please?”

He gently nudged the plate forward until it bumped against your hand. You rolled your eyes playfully at him before pulling at the flaky bread with the chocolatey center and popping it square in your mouth. Holy fuck it was good. You thought that maybe it was hard to fuck up a croissant, but surely it had to be just as hard to make the best one. Your face must have shown how good it was because he smiled at you big and warm like. It was so incredibly rude.

“Wow, that is so fucking good!” You giggled.

“That means I’m doing my job well. Thank you, it makes me happy. You uh got a little something on your lip though.”

You frowned and licked quickly at your lips in the hopes of ridding the offending mark only for him to shake his head softly at you. It caused one of his curls to flop down in front of his face. Wow was he beautiful. You dipped your head down both to try and find the chocolate as well to not have to look him in the eyes anymore, and still you couldn’t get it. How pathetic.

“Here, c’mere.” He mumbled leaning forward in his chair.

His large palm caught your cheek in his hand as his thumb rubbed softly at your lip. He was warm. Warmer than warm and it made your heart beat loud and fast in your chest. Your lips parted and you felt air whoosh past them. You swore that his eyes got brighter in that moment, that they actually got more honey and less brown. It was incredible.

“I--I’m so sorry. That was really inappropriate of me.”

“No uh...you’re okay. Thank you for not letting me walk around all day with shit on my face.”

He chuckled softly so you did the same.

By the time you’re stuffed with various forms of sugary breads and he’s refilled your coffee twice, you realize that your plan to explore the town had much more turned into exploring the attractive man in the only coffee shop around apparently. You were reminded of your pact with yourself to absolutely not get into a relationship in your first year here. Not that Shawn would have any interest in you in a non-platonic way, but it did mean you probably shouldn’t get your hopes up. So, you politely got your leftover sweets put in a box and got out of there as soon as you could. When he asked if you would be back the next day you just shrugged your shoulders and told him maybe before practically running for the door. You had to stay away.

***

Your first day at the clinic finds you up at six in the morning. You wanted to give off a good impression, so you made coffee in this funky old coffee maker in the corner. You cleaned up some of the mess that had been lying around and even checked the email where it looked like Dr. Savage had struggled to get working. You managed to set him up a couple of social media accounts and even took his older logo of a wolf howling at the moon and updated it slightly using one of the random editing websites online.

By the time your boss arrived it had been quite a productive morning and you were happy to see his eyes light up at all that you accomplished.

“We’re gonna be a good fit, I think.” He said to you.

You agreed.

Before the open sign had even been flipped, the bell on the door clanged as someone entered the space. Dr. Savage rose slowly from his chair and went to check on it leaving you with a stack of paperwork to start thumbing through.

You hear the soft chatter of voices and then footsteps as your boss lead someone back to your area. At first you figured it was just a customer that had arrived a little to early, but it didn’t take long for you to pause at your desk as the familiar timbre hit your ear.

“Y/n, I have someone to introduce you to.” Dr. Savage called.

“Actually, I think we’ve already met.”

And there he is. It was raining outside, a near constant for the tiny town, leave his curls floppy and wet atop his head. This didn’t stop him from running his fingers through the strands and sending that dumb, perfectly straight smile at you now did it? You looked at Dr. Savage with what was sure to be a gaping mouth before peering back at Shawn. Bitch if you don’t get your shit together.

“H--Hello, Shawn. It’s nice to see you again.” You smiled.

He nodded. “You never came back to the shop. I thought maybe I’d made a bad first impression.”

“Actually you uh...you made quite a good one. I’ve just been trying to settle in a little more.”

And trying to stay far away from white boys with smiles like yours.

“Well that’s good at least. I’ve got a new recipe I’ve been meaning to try out. You’ll have to stop by and test it for me.”

Dr. Savage snickered and clapped his hand on the back of Shawn’s beautiful, burly shoulder.

“Stop flirting with my employee and come to my office will you? Y/n, if anyone rings can you handle it?”

Shawn’s cheeks took on a brilliant red hue that matched beautifully with his golden eyes. It softened him somehow. He was so big and so muscular, and yet you had the feeling that you could crawl into his arms and wouldn’t mind somehow. Shit.

“Of course. I’ve got it handled!”

Shawn smiled sheepishly at you before allowing Dr. Savage to pull him along to his office. You shook your head and turned back to your work wanting to to have all of the medications and tools ready for the appointments that you had coming in that day. It wasn’t even a minute later that someone was walking up behind you and placing a cup and box on the counter. You turned to look up into those warm eyes of his again with a smirk on his lips to match.

“White mocha and a cinnamon roll. I figured I might see you this morning so…”

“Oh Shawn you didn’t have to--”

“Wanted to. Good morning, honey.” He breathed before heading back to Dr. Savage’s office. “Let me know if it’s better than the croissant.”

With the door closed, you can finally focus on something other than the beautiful man from the coffee shop. Once you establish your rhythm, you’re able to send all of the reminder emails for the appointments for the week, schedule the few people who do call in, and organize the supply closet. When a client actually does come in, you help them with their paperwork, get it filed, and do the preliminary check ups and vitals. By the time Dr. savage is actually meant to see the patient, Shawn is already gone. There’s a tinge of disappointment when he’s not around, before you remembered that you weren’t in high school anymore and that you actually had a job to do. Idiot.

The rest of the day is busy with clients, paperwork, and billing. Dr. Savage doesn’t take his lunch break, so neither do you. By the time the sun had gone down you’re exhausted, and the two of you work smoothly side by side to clean the clinic for you to do it all over the next day.

“So uh...How do you know Shawn?” You murmured eyes completely on the broom you were sweeping with.

He chuckled softly. “I’ve known the kid since he was born. I’m what the town calls an elder. I know mostly everybody. I worked very closely with his father when he was elder as well.”

“Was an elder?”

“Yes. Shawn’s father actually passed away a few years ago. He was what you would have called our town leader. And with his absence, Shawn has had to step up to the plate. So I look after him to offer guidance. This isn’t exactly the sort of thing they provide you training on.”

“Hmm...well, why does Shawn have to take over the town? Like what if he didn’t want to?” You asked.

“It’s not really an option. It’s in his blood.”

That was odd. Suddenly you were seeing Shawn in a bit of a different light. He was no longer just the cute baker barista down the street. Apparently the expectations for him were far greater. He didn’t even look old enough to be a town leader. And the thought that he might not even have a choice did something strange in your heart. You felt...protective of him. There was this weird feeling in your stomach that you should fight Dr. Savage on what he’d said, that Shawn should get to do whatever the hell made him happy. And you didn’t know how to reconcile these thoughts with the fact that you’d only just met him. It didn't make any sense. None of this made any sense.

***

It was another dreary weekend. The clinic being closed meant that you had plenty of free time to fix up your new house. Because you had only moved clear across the country to be here, you didn’t exactly have furniture. So, armed with your rainboots and headwrap you braved the horrid weather in search for a desk and a new bed frame so that you might not have to sleep on a mattress on the floor anymore.

There was only one furniture store in town that happened to double as the all around convenience store for the town. You were hopeful that it wouldn’t be too expensive, as you were trying not to blow your entire savings. First, you headed straight for the beds peering inquisitively at the frames and trying to determine which would actually be better. Adulting for you often times meant bullshiting your way through situations, and you frankly had no clue what made for a good bed or not.

While you were searching you heard the rowdy laughter that typically came with testosterone. A chill ran down your spine as you were blasted back to the past of middle school boys tugging on your pigtails on the playground and running off in fits of giggles. This group was certainly not those middle school boys though. They were all huge. You peered curiously at them as they rough housed and pushed playfully at one another. Something had to be in the water in this town because every single one of them you saw was bigger than the next. A man with red hair shoulder checked another man with shoulder length brown hair sending him into a display of pillows and knocking a couple of the over onto this floor. This only caused the lot of them to laugh harder, and that’s when he stepped out.

“Can we try not to act like wild animals in the store please?!”

Shawn pushed through the crowd of them, everyone immediately straightening up as if a sergeant in the army was addressing them. It was like night and day, the difference. His command of them was quite frankly a little startling...and a lot hot.

“Bro, we kinda are?” The red haired one snickered, only to get playfully slapped upside the head by Shawn.

“Not funny jackass. You’re skating on thin ice for breaking the door to begin with. Now let’s get a new one and get the hell out of here.”

He was wearing a black long sleeved sweater that molded to his body like a fucking dream and smoothed down into black skinny jeans and matching boots. Where the hell did they find this guy at? Shawn reached for one of the pillows before standing up straight and immediately looking you dead in the eye. You were definitely caught staring. Nice.

“Go pick out the door, and I’ll meet you all the cash register.” He mumbled already making a beeline for you.

You peered down at your bright yellow rain boots and thermal leggings and cursed whatever thought you’d had that morning to be cozy. This man looked like a greek god on the cover of GQ and you were serving nothing but childishness.

“Hi.” He spoke warmly waving at you in a way that sort of clapped his hand together.

He stepped closer to you, leaning on one of the bedposts and pointing that wicked smile at you.

“I’m beginning to think this town might be too small, if I keep running into you like this.” You smirked.

“You don’t like running into me? I’m hurt.”

“I suppose I don’t mind it. Surely you must be getting tired of me though?”

He shook his head. “On the contrary, I think I don’t see you nearly enough.”

It had its intended effect. You giggled like a schoolgirl. Ugh.

“You getting a new bed?”

“Y--Yea. I uh actually just packed up and moved here with whatever could fit into my car, so I’m kind of in need of a few things at the moment.”

“Oh...So you’re sleeping on the floor right now?” He frowned suddenly leaning closer into your space.

You caught a whiff of what smelled like sandalwood, spice, and musk. It was incredibly intoxicating. Literally where did he come from?

“I have a mattress, but yes I guess you could say that.”

“We have to find you a bed. C’mere I think I know a good one.”

He grabbed your hand, you were starting to figure out that personal space wasn’t really a thing when you were six feet tall and built from steel, and quickly pulled you over to the neatly lined boxes of frames.

“Wait, Shawn. What about your friends? You don’t need to help me.”  

He shook his head. “Those guys will take forever to figure out what door we need. I’d rather spend it helping you. Trust me.”

There was a dark brown wooden frame that on the box looked pretty beautiful. Shawn picked it up gently with both hands as if it was nothing and presented it to you.

“When I broke mine a few months back this is the one I got. It’s really good. Sturdy.”

You peered up at him, because up was the only way to see his face, and probably gawked him. You didn’t want to know what he had been doing that caused his bed frame to break. However, a part of you wanted to know every detail. He seemed to pick up on the implications if the reddening in his cheeks was anything to go off of, and quickly laughed and tugged his curls more perfectly into place.

“N--Not like that. I uh it was an accident actually. I was moving the furniture around in my room and it just didn’t end well for me.” He smiled sheepishly. “But uh, this one’s real good. And since I’ve got one myself I could probably help you put it together.”

“Ah. So, you think I need a man to help me put my furniture together?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No. N--No! No that wasn’t what I meant all!”

He looked good flustered. The strong aggressiveness that he showed the group of guys from earlier was non-existent when he was stammering and looking so panicky. You absolutely adored it and couldn’t help the laugh that fell from your lips. He placed his hand to his heart and took a deep breath at your reaction.

“Geez you scared me . . . I like your laugh by the way. It’s beautiful.”

And just like that the power dynamic was flipped on its head as you were trying not to squeal and he was trying not to piss you off. It was quite the shit show.

“Thank you. I like your smile.” You admitted.

He beamed at you, eyes warm and full of nothing but kindness. You were struggling to remember why you shouldn’t ask him out immediately. He was sort of perfect. And it was just kind of obvious that he might be a little into you too.

“Thank you. I would love to help you put this together if you want that. Not because you need it, but just because I wish someone would’ve helped me put it together myself. And maybe I wouldn’t mind hanging out with you either.”

You bit your lip and peered down at your boots. As per the usual, you were quite grateful for your melanin, but it certainly came in handy when your cheeks were warming up at the sweetness he was laying on thick.

“I’m actually pretty useless when it comes to putting furniture together, so I guess I wouldn’t mind the company either.”

He smiled again, dipping his head to make eye contact with you.

“Yea?”

“Yea.”

He helps you find a desk and then has the audacity to carry them both to the cash register without breaking a sweat. You notice his group of friends eye the both of you as he not only waits for you to pay but then quickly follows you outside to help put them into the car. When the trunk it just barely closed and your backseat is full with your desk, he walks back around to your car and quickly produces his phone.

“So, I have a meeting with my friends back there and that damn door, but what if I came over this evening? Like around five? I don’t want you sleeping on the floor another night.”

“Tonight?” You checked. “Are you sure? We could always do another day.”

“Of course not. I’m free as soon as we’re done. Just text me your address and I’ll come help. I’m looking forward to it!”

“O--Okay.”

You exchanged numbers and he sent you a smile and a wink before walking away for you to hyperventilate in your car. Truly a shit show.

***

You nearly jumped when the knock on the door came. You’d been running around like a chicken with its head cut off for the last three hours trying to make sure your place wasn’t a complete and total mess. Shawn had made no indication that there would be any funny business or that he might try and make a move on you, but that didn't mean you weren’t interested in creating an environment that was conducive to just that. You weren’t consciously breaking your rule of not dating someone, however...if he wanted it bad enough? He could get it.

You opened the door and there he was wearing a t-shirt that left little to the imagination again. He leaned against the frame, teeth glinting for no damn reason and radiating warmth like no other.

“Hi.” He whispered eyes raking you up and down.

You had traded your leggings for some shorts that had shrunk in the dryer and a sweater that showed off your cleavage. Subtle enough to just be an outfit, but obvious enough for his eyes to take pause when he looked. You were, however, still wearing your headwrap that sat on the front of your head in a beautiful, intricate knot.

“I didn’t get to tell you earlier but uh...I really like your head scarf. It’s pretty.”

God this boy was trouble.

“Thank you. Please come in.”

There wasn’t much to show him in terms of your house. It was small and cozy with a pretty big layout. The living room took up much of the space, with your bedroom and bathroom past the tiny kitchen. He followed silently behind you as you pointed to the spaces around you, following way too closely behind if the heat on your back was anything to go off. God, you wanted him closer.

In the bedroom you worked to pull out all of the pieces. You didn’t even pretend that you could offer much besides organizing them in order of the letters in the manual. The best part was apparently watching Shawn struggle at something. As good as putting the frame together before had done for him, this time still did not come naturally. He spent at least twenty minutes with two metal frames in his large hands just squinting and huffing at them as he attempted to get them to fit together. It was incredibly adorable.

“So where are you from anyhow?” He asked still frowning at the pieces.

You grinned at him. “I’m from North Carolina. The better of the Carolinas. Born and raised.”

“Yea? And what made you wanna come to our tiny, rainy town?”

“I went to med school back home, and I worked in a big city for a few years. The pay was great obviously but..I don’t know I just felt like I was trying to get as many bodies in as possible just to make the hospital more money, and I didn’t really get to connect with my patients and take care of them holistically you know? So, when Dr. Savage said he was looking for someone to essentially take over his practice and provide care for a town where I would get to see people grow up and evolve, it just felt right. If I’m honest I think it was gut reaction. I kinda felt like something was tying me here before I even made my decision.”

He peered over at you and his eyes did that thing again where they seemed to get even lighter. The urge to reach out and touch him was nearly unstoppable in that moment.

“I think I know what you mean.”

It was another one of his weighted statements that you’d give anything to understand.

“What about you? Baker extraordinaire by day and it sounds like town leader by night?”

His back straightened at that and he quickly dropped eye contact with you.

“Who told you I was a town leader?”

“Dr. Savage did. He said that you might not have a choice. That it was in your blood.”

You were standing propped against your dresser and you couldn’t help but notice that his jaw got tight and and more pronounced beneath his perfect skin. It was similar to the way he had looked speaking to his friends earlier. There was a maturity and an intensity there that made his edges seem sharper. It wasn’t that he was intimidating necessarily, but that you knew he could be if he wanted to. Shawn had been so soft and so endlessly kind to you since you met that it was a little odd to see him not be that always.

“I shouldn’t have said anything.” You murmured playing awkwardly with your fingers. “Don’t be angry with Dr. Savage. I made him tell me. You can be angry with me.”

“I’m not angry. Hey, look at me.” He paused to wait for you to follow his directive. “I’m not angry. I just want you to know things about me from me, alright? This town can be very gossipy and it’s not always accurate. I just want you to know the things that matter.”

“Okay. So, tell me the things that matter.” You shrugged.

He smiled again and the edges softened out.

“What do you want to know honey?”

His favorite color was hunter green, although in the fall he could be persuaded to a mustard yellow. He liked to have cereal as his midnight snack when he couldn’t sleep. When he was a kid he tried to hop a fence and it left a gnarly scar on his abdomen. He liked reading books in bed. He started working in the coffee shop when he was twelve, and his favorite thing to bake was baklava because it was hard and it took a long time to make. The recipe was his mother’s and she’d had it passed down for generations.  

“I only make it for special occasions. We don’t even put it on the menu.” He explained.

“Maybe you could make it for me sometime. I don’t know if I’m special enough, but I’d love to try it.”

“Yea, maybe.”

Somehow, someway he gets the bed  together. And he helps you put the mattress into the frame. While you put the sheets back onto the bed he gets the desk put together too, which was arguably much easier. By the end you both collapse side by side on the bed peering over at each other as if you’d been doing extreme physical labor instead of simply putting a bed together.

“That was so much work.” You whined. “Thank you. I never would have gotten that damn thing put together.”

“I’m so glad I could be of service.” He chuckled. “Now you can rest a lot easier.”

“You have to let me thank you though. I’d cook dinner, but I don’t have all of my dishes yet. Do you want to order takeout?”

“Are you sure you want me to stay? I don’t want to intrude.”

“No I--I want you to stay. As long as you want to?”

“Yea. I’d love to.”

You stare at each other far too long. It’s not normal. You want to want to stop, but you don’t. And it doesn’t help that he keeps pointing those eyes of his at you and completely clouding your judgement. You physically have to get up off the bed to break the spell. It’s a bit ridiculous.

There’s chinese takeout and really shitty wine. You sit on your couch together side by side, both sitting crisscross applesauce though your legs look far more toddler like in comparison to his. You talk a lot. In all honesty small talk had always been your weak spot. You never knew what questions to act, how to respond, or how to behave. But, with Shawn it was different, which felt so cliche you could feel your ancestors rolling their eyes at you from above. You didn’t have to think super hard because you were genuinely curious about so many things. And he was more than willing to talk nonstop to you about them. And he asked you about your life, and what home was like, and what kind of music you listened to. On top of him being endlessly attractive, and this odd sort of pull that you felt towards him, you thought that he might be the first friend you’d made in town.

“I was so nervous about moving here.” You sighed when the wine had loosened your muscles and you were both leaning way to close into each other’s space.

His eyebrows furrowed in interested. “How come?”

“Well it’s not like this little town of yours is crawling with black people.” You snorted. “I don’t know my mother was always so protective of me and so nervous about what this world could do to me. When I decided to move, she just wanted to know that I would be taken care of. And I guess some of her worries rubbed off on me a little. It’s one thing to be the outsider because you’re new in town. It’s another to also be the outsider because no one looks like you.”

There was a frown on his face now. And you found that you didn’t like it. You liked him happy and soft and warm and nothing else. Your hand came off your glass before you’d even registered it and you almost touched his face to try and smooth out the lines. But, you quickly pulled away before it got that far. This didn’t stop him from somehow getting closer on the suddenly very small couch.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about here. I would never let anyone hurt you.” He murmured feverently.

You chuckled a little, head rolling back against the couch so that you could peer up at the ceiling.

“That’s sweet and idealistic. I don’t know if you noticed, but there aren’t exactly a lot of ‘knight in shining armor rescues the black girl from the cops’ type fairytales. It’s okay though. I’ll be okay. I can take care of myself.” You hummed.

You were still staring up at the ceiling when you heard him sigh and nestle himself deeper into the couch too.

“I keep forgetting that I can’t share everything yet.” He whispered to himself. “It’s not the right time.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing, never mind.”

There’s silence for a little while except for the even pulls and pushes of you both breathing. Sleep starts to cloud the edges of your mind and you can’t be bothered to do anything that isn’t snuggling closer to Shawn’s warmth. He was like a walking blanket and campfire rolled into one, but with abs. The perfect sleeping companion. The last thing you heard him say before sleep took over was:

“I just want you to feel safe here. It’s all I want...you deserve to be taken care of.”

***

The next week is completely focused on work and getting settled into your new home. The morning after you and Shawn put the bed together, he had run off quick, fast, and in a hurry apparently late for some meeting. It didn’t offend you in anyway, although it was a little weird. You spent the day deep conditioning and doing laundry. Shawn didn’t text, so you didn’t either. It seemed as if things sort of hit a standstill.

Apparently Shawn still visited the clinic every morning to drop off breakfast and speak with Dr. Savage. Monday morning you missed him because Dr. Savage had asked you to take the bills to the post office. You came back to a breakfast sandwich and your white mocha with a note that said good morning honey. It seemed like a pattern was forming. But then, when you texted him thank you the response wasn’t anything more than a simple, “you’re welcome”. You were thoroughly convinced that it was something you said that night. And if you had to guess? It was definitely talking about race. You never censored yourself when it came to shit like that, cause if the guy you were hooking up with couldn’t handle it, you weren’t fucking interested.

By the time Wednesday rolled around you had told yourself that it didn’t matter. Just because you weren’t going to date didn’t mean you couldn’t play the field a little bit. And perhaps getting Shawn off your mind was exactly what you needed.

There was a bar in the heart of town that everyone seemed to go to. You thought maybe you could go out, drink a little, maybe make a friend or two. After work, when the sun had gone down, and all of your work for the day was done, you put on a pretty outfit of a long flowy skirt and an army green tank. You’d swept your hair up into a high bun and tied it with a pretty scarf to match.

Sally’s pub had obviously been there for years and years, but there was a clear attempt to keep it updated and modern, which worked lovely. There was a huge bar in the center that wrapped around the back of the building with an open floor for dancing, pool tables, and general hangout space. For a Wednesday night, the bar was pretty packed leading you to wondering if this was the place everyone went for fun.

You took a seat at the bar, ordered yourself a long island, and sat around to people watch. The good news was your bartender was pretty talkative and willing to take pity on you for the evening.

“Haven’t seen you around here before.” He said placing your glass in front of you. “I’m Cal.”

You grinned. “I’m new in town!”

“I wish I had a really funny joke to tie in John Mulaney, but alas I’m just a shitty bartender.”

He was the tall and burley type with copper like skin, but his shoulders and biceps were massive and his arms leaning on the counter took up a ridiculous amount of space. You took a deep sip of your long island and send him a smile.

“Well I don’t know about that, I’d say you’re at least a mediocre bartender!”

“Oh why thank you! That’s so sweet of you to say!” He chuckled. “Well since you’re new in town, I guess I can help fill you in on all the town gossip.”

“That’s awfully nice of you.”

He tells you about the different groups that are seated around the bar. There was a group of women that were the moms of town who tended to get a little more wasted than their husbands might like. There was the group of barely 21 year olds who tended to get a little rowdy sometimes, but were generally harmless. And then in the back of the bar by the pool table was the only group you didn’t want to see that night.

“That’s the town pack. They make sure everyone’s safe and what not.”

You saw the redhead first. Only because he was trying to smooth talk some girl who was watching one of the other guy’s play pool. Then there were all of the other guys from the furniture store strung about the booths drinking beer and joking around with each other. Shawn, for whatever reason, was nowhere to be found. Not that you cared. Cause you definitely didn’t care.

“Make sure everyone’s safe?”  You asked, eyes still on the group. “What do you mean?”

“Well it uh It used to Manny’s but, when he passed Shawn took it over. He’s always been an alpha, but having to take over younger than expected was a lot for him. He mentored all the rest of them when they turned, even though he was going through it ten times worse himself. Brian and Geoff are the betas. Matt, Zubin, and Sterling are all omegas. There are female betas and omegas too but they tend not to hang at the bar, just because the guys’ shenanigans typically bore them. It’s the largest pack for quite a ways away though, so they make sure nothing bad happens.”

You paused and took a look back down at your long island. You’d drinken about half of it, but surely you weren’t that much of a lightweight.

“I’m sorry? I think I’m not hearing you right.”

He simply raised an eyebrow and laughed at you.

“No one’s told you yet, huh?”

“Told me what?”

“Sweetheart, this is a werewolf town.”

It was actually the most ridiculous thing you’d ever heard in your life. You kept looking around for someone to pop out and tell you it was a joke, and yet no one came. He really expected you to believe that you’d somehow stumbled into some straight twilight shit.

You chuckled. “Okay sir. Sure.”

You brought your long island back to your lips to take a deep sip. As you were setting the glass down the door to bar opened and the whole crowd cheered exceptionally. Your bartender peered over towards the door and grinned down at you.

“And our alpha arrives.”

He practically glided along the floor shaking hands and clapping people on the back. Everyone knew him and everyone seemed to love him. And he smiled and spoke to them with all the grace of a natural born leader. It sure was nice to know that he could be nice and respond to someone. He was wearing a black t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and he looked absolutely delectable. It accomplished nothing but pissing you off.

“Can I get another one of these?” You mumbled knocking back the rest of your drink quickly and moving the glass back towards him.

He peered at you curiously before reaching for a larger glass.

“How about I make you something special to take the edge off?”

You nodded. “Yes. Absolutely. Sounds great.”

The bastard doesn’t even recognize you the whole time he’s making his rounds despite being the only black person in the bar. You make a mental note to down the whole drink and go the fuck home. If he was such a fancy hotshot why did you seem to see him literally everywhere?!

As Cal was making your drink though, Shawn finally made his way to the bar in search of a drink of his own.

“Hey Cal! How’s your mom doing?” He asked leaning on the edge of the bar in a way that made his arms bulge.

Ugh.

“Hey Shawn. She’s doing a lot better, her heart isn’t causing her as much trouble. She can actually walk around on her own now.” Cal smiled. “Let me finish up this drink here and I’ll get your IPA.”

“Hey thanks! Sounds good.”

Shawn was the on the opposite side of the bar, but the second Cal went to place your drink in front of you, his eyes went straight to you.

“This is what the mom’s usually order.” He explained as you took a sip of the bright pink concoction. “There’s some tequila, rum, rose, and cranberry juice. Enjoy responsibly and all that jazz.”

“Is this gonna land me on my ass?” You asked.

He simply smiled at you. “Only if you can’t handle your liquor.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying...drink up, sweetheart.”

You giggled a little and took another pull of the truly strong but delicious drink only to look up and see that Shawn’s eyes were still on you and now Cal.

You kept your eyes on your drink, but it was useless. The second he had his beer he was headed straight for you.

“Hi!” He cheered quickly popping a squat right next to you instead of going to his friends. “I’ve never seen you in here before.”

You rolled your eyes into your drink but threw him a tight lipped smile regardless.

“Yea, trying to make some new friends, I guess.”

He peered over at Cal who making a drink for someone else.

“I see that. You uh...you haven’t been at the clinic any of the times I’ve come in this week.”

“Well, I’ve been busy getting things prepared for Dr. Savage to retire so…”

“Oh. No, yea that makes sense. I just, you now, after that night you weren’t at the clinic on Monday morning. And then you didn’t text.”

“Neither did you.” You snorted.

Shawn took a pause then peering at you a little closer. You kept your eyes on your drink refusing to make eye contact. Subtlety wasn’t exactly your strong suit.

“Are you--Are you angry with me?” He asked.

You sniffed and shrugged, your shoulder so cold that the whole bar seemed to drop a few degrees.

“Look it’s no big deal alright? Whatever I thought was happening clearly isn’t happening. I’m a big girl I’ll get over it. I’m just not really interested in putting myself in a position to be toyed with.”

The whole time you had both been sitting facing the bar, knees tucked under the counter, but at your speech he turned so that his knees were facing you and turned your bar stool--way too easily one might say--so that yours faced his.

“What are you talking about? What have I done? Talk to me.”

His eyes were warm and inviting again, his jaw clenched just tightly enough to make it even more prominent. He wasn’t technically trying to invade your space, but he was so tall on the tiny bar stool that he kind of did anyway.

“You didn’t do anything. You practically sprinted out of my house the next morning and then radio silence? No text, no call, nothing. Like I said, it’s not a huge deal. I guess I just thought you were more interested than you are. That’s on me. I shouldn’t have shared so much of myself.”

You kept your eyes on your drink as you took one too many sips in the last five minutes. You were hoping he might get the hint and just get up and leave, because you were far more hurt than you’d let on. That night had meant a lot to you. You hadn’t felt so comfortable around anyone like that before. Shawn wasn’t just easy to talk to; he made you feel safe. He made you feel like anything that came out of your mouth was worthy of being listened to. You had almost thought that maybe all your worries about the move had been silly. He was the first person to really listen.

His hand on your knee brings you out of your thoughts and when you look up his eyes have turned more honey than brown once again.

“You think that I don’t like you? That I was leading you on?” He sputtered. “Y/n I’m crazy about you.”

“What?”

“I--I really did have to go that morning. I had a meeting with the guys, and I didn’t anticipate staying over so I had to rush because I overslept. I was going to text you, but a lot of shit has been going on lately. So, I thought I’d see you at the clinic that next morning! I brought your favorite breakfast and everything, but you weren’t there. I left a note, and I sort of thought you’d text me or something to hang out again but when all you said was thank you, I guess I got a little insecure. I just...I’ve been trying not to fuck this up because I think I like you more than you could even understand right now.” He sighed. “It looks like maybe I did just that though.”

“Wait, so you’re not like...intimidated because of the whole race thing?”

He shook his head. “Of course not. I couldn’t be more serious right now. I completely understood where you were coming from that night. I mean as much as I can as a white guy. That could never run me off. I promise you.”

You peered over at him trying to measure the level of bullshit he might be feeding you. The problem was his eyes were so soft and his face was so sincere. Even if you wanted to be mad at him, it felt like fighting something instinctual. It felt like something internal was telling you not to be mad at him. It was unlike anything you’d ever felt before.

“Okay.” You sighed. “I believe you.”

“Good. Can we maybe start over? I’ve been meaning to ask you out on a proper date. We can just talk, get to know each other.”

“Sure uh..when did you have in mind?”

He grinned sheepishly. “Is now too soon?”

You snorted. “What about your friends over there? Haven’t they been waiting on you?”

Shawn peered over his shoulder at the group of guys up in the corner, but quickly shook his head.

“They’ll be fine. What do you say? Can I take you to dinner?”

His eyes were hopeful, a glint in them that was pulling you in deeper and deeper. How dare he.

“Fine. It’s probably for the best, I was starting to get a bit tipsy with this drink.”

He took your hand and led you away from the bar, a room full of eyes locked in on both of you. You got the feeling that walking around with Shawn was bound to come with attention whether you liked it or not.

You go to one of the diners in town, the meal completely irrelevant to the company. It is exactly as it was when he was at your apartment. He makes you laugh and he asks you questions about your life, your friends, your past relationships, the things that make you happy. You talk about your favorite books and his favorite books. You learn that he loves music and plays guitar. He told you of his first kiss at the eighth grade dance in middle school with Julia Potterman and how their braces clashed together. You told him of Andrew Jackson who grabbed your boob at your first dance because his older brothers told him to. You laugh and you laugh until the diner is ready to close.

“Can I walk you home?” He asked when the bill had been paid.

You nodded softly. “Of course.”

He takes your hand in his, fingers intertwined, and leads the way back to your house. You feel like you’re just floating along with his fingers keeping you tethered to the earth. It’s incredibly soft and sappy but you just can’t help it. When you get to the door, you don’t want him to go. And that’s when you know you’re in deep.

“I’d uh I’d invite you in, but I have work in the morning.” You murmured stepping up onto the front steps.

He smiled. “It’s okay. I understand. Maybe I could stop by at the clinic around lunch time. You know just in case you’re hungry and don’t want to eat alone.”

“Ah. You know I do hate eating alone.” You chuckled.

“Yea? Me too.”

You bite your lip and watch the way the street light catches his cheekbone perfectly. He tugs his curls back into place and it brings attention to both his face and his arms. He knew exactly what the hell he was doing. When he takes a step onto the first step, just one below the one you’re standing on, he’s suddenly leaning over you with those eyes of his and those fucking arms. You peer up at him and maybe you bat your eyelashes a little bit who’s keeping track. He leans down and skims his nose against yours, fingers trailing teasingly along your hips.

“Can I kiss you goodnight?” He whispered, voice husky.

“Mhm.”

Kissing him is heaven. It is ridiculous, the way he feels. His hands on your hip, and cupping your jaw cause sparks to shoot across your skin. And you only want to be closer, need to feel him more. Your arms thread around his neck, lipps molding perfectly to his. He has the audacity to bite playfully at your bottom lip causing you to gasp, lips parting just enough for his tongue to slide between. Your heart thuds unevenly in your chest. Who gave him the right to kiss like this?

His fingers bunched up in your skirt and before you knew it you were flying through the air as he lifted you like a piece of paper. You didn’t like to think of yourself as light. You had hips and thighs and an ass and none of these things came without the consequence of some lbs. If you hadn’t drooled at the prospect of him leaning like a greek god against your door way, him wrapping your thighs around his waist like you were a rag doll would certainly do it. Jesus.

Your back hits the front door and he’s not letting up, keeps dominating your mouth in a way no one else ever has before. You can feel your skirt riding up, can feel his hips pinning you to the hard wood of the door, and it’s simply too much for you to bare. You pull away with a gasp, and he honest to god growls against your neck. It causes a twitch in your stomach that cannot be started if it won’t be finished.

“God, your lips are incredible.” He whined breathing just as uneven as yours. “Wow.”

“That was...yea.”

You barely make it back into your home alive. Even getting out of his arms and to the door means nothing when he’s still pressing chaste kisses against your neck. He leaves you with his famous good night, honey before skipping off and leaving you to collapse just inside the door. Wow.

***

“So Mrs. Stenson will be in around three today. She’s been having knee troubles for a few years. It may be time for another cortisone shot.”

“Mhm.”

“And, if you could check her mobility as well as that would be wonderful.”

“Of course.”

“And if you wouldn’t mind kicking me in the face that would be great too.”

“Not a problem.”

“Y/n you are not even listening!”

You peered up from checking the door for the umpeetenth time in the past fifteen minutes to Dr. Savage staring at you like a crazy person. Woops.

“Sorry. So sorry. Mobility and cortisone for Stenson. I’ve got you!”

He raised an eyebrow and stared at you for a moment, making your cheeks feel warmer as a result.

“What is up with you?”

“N--Nothing!”

And just like that the bell over the door dinged as your lunch date and general mind fuck of the month walked in.

He wore a navy blue button up and black ray bans which was a stark departure from his usual t-shirts at the bakery. You found him even hotter than normal.

“Hi.” You murmured voice way too light and high for your liking.

He beamed back at you. “Hi.”

You were just sort of standing there smiling at each other like idiots when Dr. Savage figured he’d had enough of whatever was taking place in front of him.

“Shawn, may I have a word, please?” He asked.

Shawn nodded not even bothering to take his eyes off you. “I’ll be right back and then we’ll go okay?”

“Okay.”

You set your notes back at your desk, putting away all of the files that were still out from the morning. Then you spent some time in the mirror trying to make sure that you looked good enough for your lunch date. You wore a yellow sundress and play aimlessly with the straps that criss and crossed along your back. Eventually you went snooping wondering exactly what they were talking about.

“How much longer are you going to let this go on?!”

“I don’t know, alright? I just need to make sure. I need to know that it’s real! I don’t want to ruin her life, if it’s not real.”

“It’s not about any one life, Shawn; you know that. Your father taught you that all decisions need to be for the good of the town!”

“Don’t fucking tell me anything about my dad!” He yelled.

A few moments later the door bursts open and Shawn looks flustered and angry. It’s a new look for him, and it’s not one you enjoy seeing on him. Your heart ached to see him in a state of anything but happiness. And you couldn’t explain it, couldn’t make it make sense. You just needed for him to be okay.

When he sees you he makes quick work of taking your hand in his and leading you out of the clinic. You intertwined your fingers with his and leaned your head against his shoulder. By the time you had rounded the corner, he was already more calm than he had been when you found him.

“I’m sorry about losing my temper. I am usually in much better control I just...sometimes Dr. Savage likes to use his relationship with my dad against me to get me to do things I don’t want to do. It’s a sore subject.”

You nodded up at him giving his arm a squeeze.

“Well maybe you can tell me about him sometime. When you’re ready. If you’re ready.”

He peered down at you, eyes completely returning to their softest form. Your heart similarly turned to goo.

“How do you do that?” He sighed.

“Do what?”

“Make everything better.”

You just shrugged. “I don’t know. Just like you when you’re happy.”

He smiled and kissed your forehead. The audacity.

And so became the norm. Every morning Shawn came for his meeting with Dr. Savage to talk about townsfolk stuff, and he always brought you breakfast. Usually he stuck around long enough to make you giggle like a school girl unless you were real busy with work. At lunch time you went together to the diner, or went and ate packed lunches in the park if the weather was good enough. Dinner times were a hit or missed only because Shawn tended to get busy with whatever the hell he did at night, but he always stopped by when he could. And when he did, dinner usually got long forgotten when he pulled you to the couch to kiss for what felt like hours. Whatever it was, you were in it together.

***

A boy comes in. He’s fifteen, maybe sixteen at the oldest, and he’s absolutely sweating buckets with apparently muscle pains from hell. You take his temperature and it’s a hundred and four degrees. You’re ready to get him into an ice bath until Dr. Savage comes into the room. He gives him a glance over and isn’t nearly as concerned as you are.

“How long has the fever set in?” He asked.

Eric winced on the table. “Since yesterday.”

Dr. Savage nodded and grabbed his pad of paper to write something down.

“Eric, listen to me. You need to go home and get some rest. This fever will break in a day or two. When that happens you’re going to want to call this number, okay? You’re going to have a lot of questions, and this is the person who can answer them. It’s going to be alright, son.”

As Dr. Savage was walking around the room to grab the paperwork you couldn't help but notice that the phone number written down on the sheet of paper looked oddly familiar. The problem was it was 2019 and who the hell had time to memorize phone numbers? But, you could have sworn you had seen it before somewhere.

When Dr. Savage came back and the boy had left, you refused to stay silent.

“Doctor...why would you send that boy home without even a prescription for ibuprofen? He had a serious fever.”

“We see that in our boys here at his age all the time. It’s just the sign of his changing. He knew it too, that’s why he came here. I do greatly appreciate your concern, but I assure you he’ll be fine.”

“His changing? Doctor are you trying to convince me that his fever is due to puberty?”

“You’ll understand in due time. I promise.”

It was so incredibly weird. You didn’t know what to make of any of it. Who the mysterious number was. Why Dr. Savage seemed to be keeping you in the dark. What the hell any of what he said actually meant. Whatever it was, he certainly wasn’t going to give you any answers. You made a deal with yourself that you’d reach out to Eric yourself after seventy-two hours. But, it wasn’t even a full two days later that you saw him, at Shawn’s shop no less while you were grabbing breakfast for you and Dr. Savage. He seemed absolutely fine. He was cleaning dishes from the tables and taking them back to the kitchen area. The fever had completely broken. It was strangest thing in the world, although somehow not strange enough to confront anyone over. It just become one of those things you thought about at night. Nothing more, nothing less. When a few more of the town’s boys came in with similar symptoms the exact same thing happened. One second they were in agony and the next they were fine. You had no clue of what to make of it.

***

He texted you on a Saturday to put on your rain boots because he was taking you for an adventure. You had to tell him that you weren’t interested in any white nonsense, before he was able to convince you to go with, “i promise to keep the white nonsense to a minimum, honey”. Your kind of man.

“Where are we going?” You asked as he waved your intertwined hands back and forth in the space between you.

He smiled. “I’m taking you to my happy place.”

His happy place was the farmer’s market in the city outside of town limits. The rain was a fine mist that day and Shawn wasn’t even wearing a jacket. His body just seemed to radiate heat unlike anything you’d ever seen before. You found it difficult to complain when he wrapped his arm around you beneath the umbrella you were sporting.

The people there knew him by name. He took you to all his favorite little booths which were mostly the fruits.

“I like trying to find new ways to make different baked goods for the shop. My dad used to bring me here as a kid and every recipe I’ve ever made comes from here.” He explained.

You watched him move around, towering over everyone he came in contact with. The large apples, grape fruits, oranges etc. all looked miniature in his hands. But when he was holding a strawberry to your lips and looking at you with nothing but joy while you ate, he couldn’t have seemed softer to you. He was kind of perfect.

“So...What do you want to eat? Pick anything.” He said arm waving out over the sea of people selling their own produce and other foods.

“What do you mean?”

“I figured we could come here, buy some ingredients, and I could cook for you. Or, we could cook together. Whatever you want.”

Wow.

“Where in the hell did you come from?” You sighed wrapping your arms around his waist in content.

He leaned to kiss you and smiled softly.

“Didn't you hear? I was made for you.”

***

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” He asked head nestled softly against your stomach as you lied in bed.

“Tomorrow is deep condition day.”

“Deep condition day?”

He lifted his himself up so that he was half on top of you, eyes as honey brown as could be. Damn you were so soft on him already. Just looking at him made you smile.

“It’s gonna take all day?” He frowned.

You giggled. “Yes, baby it takes all day. This here is a project. That’s why we don’t let you random white folk put your dry ass hands in it.”

He seemed to take that and ponder it for a second. Shawn had already grown used to your satin caps and satin pillows and tied scarves. He took it all in stride, was just as willing to ask questions and to understand as he was to just let you be yourself. It meant all the world to you.

“Hmmm...well can this random white folk hang out with you while you do it? I promise to keep my dry ass hands to myself.” He grinned.

“Hey now… I never said you had to keep your hand to yourself, just keep them out of my hair.”

“Ahhh. So, can I put my hands...here?” He murmured letting his fingers meld to the curve of your jaw.

“Yes.” You hummed.

“And can I put my hands...here?” He asked letting his hands run down to the curve of your hips.

“Uh huh.”

“And can I…” He whispered face leaning closer and closer towards yours.

You never let him finish before sliding your lips together.

Sure enough, the next day, instead of leaving only after having prepared you an adorable breakfast, Shawn followed you to the bathroom. His long legs stretched out against the length of the bathroom watching as you let the cold water seep deep into your curls before the host of products began to enter. He watched you condition, comb, and dentangle every strand before applying the deep conditioner that would sit for the vast majority of the day.

When the conditioner was in, and you’d covered your plastic bag egg head with a cap, you spend the entire day watching netflix crime documentaries and making out on the couch. It was the best deep condition day you’d had in months.

He let you lie on his chest and he traced shapes into your back underneath your t-shirt. He told you how good your hair smelled and sometimes when a drop of water would run down your neck he would chase it away with his thumb. It never ceased to make your body run hot.

When you finally went to rinse, Shawn ordered dinner for the two of you. You sat on the couch in one of his t-shirts, and slowly detangled and two-strand twisted your hair. By the time dinner arrived, you felt soft and warm and kind of obsessed with him. You couldn’t even think about food. You just wanted to be near him, just wanted to touch him.  

“Thank you for spending today with me.” You murmured. “Not a lot of men want to sit around all day just watching a girl deep condition.”

He smiled at you. “I just want to be with you, y/n. Doesn’t matter to me what we do.”

“Yea?”

“Yea.”

You rolled your eyes and snuggled deeper into his arms.

“Where is the hell did you come from?” You whispered not sure who you were asking in all honesty.

“I was right here waiting for you. What took you so long?” He murmured.

Wow.

***

You had started to learn about each other’s bodies. His lips mapped whole stories across your body, made your breathing uneven and your thighs tighten. He never took it further than that, but he did let you rile him up. And riling him up turned into your favorite pastime. When your teeth would graze his earlobe and that growl would rumble in his chest, fingers tightening on your body in the most delicious of ways, it would send you to this ultimate buildup of a moment only for him to suddenly decide that he needed to go. At first it was fine, but the more he kept building you up and leaving you hot and cold, the more you began to get a little bit frustrated.

It was a Saturday night, and Shawn was going to spend the night, so you had taken full advantage of straddling him on the couch. You’d been hoping on pushing the envelope a little more, but the second your fingers edged underneath his shirt, his hands came to wrap around your wrists.

“Babe.” He whined eyes closing. “You don’t know what you’re doing to me.”

You wiggled your hips slightly above where he was poking your ass through your shorts.

“I think I get the hint.” You chuckled. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.” He hummed thumbs rubbing softly along your hips.

“Well it’s just that...I think you’re attracted to me.”

He smirked, eyes running up and down your body.

“Yea.”

“And I’m attracted to you. And I don’t want to be too forward, if you have like a policy or something. Cause like if you do, that’s totally fine! I mean your body, your rules. You deserve autonomy ya know?”

“Baby?” He murmured squeezing you playfully. “You’re rambling.”

“Ah yes . . . Why aren’t we--do you like not want to?” You huffed and took a deep breath. “We haven’t had sex yet.”

“Oh.”

You winced. “Well it--it’s not a huge deal. It’s just been almost two months. And while it has been a wonderfully refreshing to not have someone trying to get into my pants on the first date...I guess I’m kind of trying to get into yours now.”

He stared at you with conflicted eyes like he sometimes did. There was something brewing under the surface, you just didn’t know what. The more you were around Shawn though, the more you became able to read him. Sometimes you got more out of what he didn’t say than what he did.

“I uh... I don’t know what to say.”

“Do you...maybe you’re not attracted me to in that way?”

His eyes widened. “Not even remotely. Trust me. I want to.”

You stared at him in complete and utter confusion. You were trying to understand and take his word for it, but none of this was matching up. Things with Shawn rarely did.

“You know sometimes you say things to me that don’t add up, and just expect me to believe them? It’s getting harder and harder to do that.”

You climbed off of his lap needing a little distance between the two of you. It wasn’t the thought of him not wanting to. If he genuinely had a reason that is. Sometimes it just felt like Shawn was flirting with the line of lying to you, as if he was purposely keeping important details for himself. You hated it. It drove you up a wall.

“Hey...I’m just--I’m trying not to hurt you y/n.”

You rolled your eyes. “Boy please. What exactly do you think you’ve got in your pants that is going to hurt me? Try again.”

“You don’t understand!”

“Then make me understand, Shawn! The coded riddles and town secrets shit is getting old.”

“I--I can’t. It’s not time yet.”

“See that is exactly the shit I’m talking about. Time for what? Why are you always acting so shady?”

He groaned and crossed the room reaching for your hands to pull you close. His forehead pressed against yours, and he smelled so incredibly good. You couldn’t deny that there was something drawing you to him, that there was a part of you that wanted him in ways that you yet to understand. But, you hadn’t gotten through life thus far letting people mistake your kindness and your heart for naivety and you certainly weren’t about to start now.

“Please just...give me some time.” He whispered against your lips. “I don’t want to rush this.”

“Fine. Take all the time you need. But, I can’t sit here and be lied to and played with while the whole fucking town seems to be in on the joke.”

“Y/n that’s not--”

“I think you should go.” You cut him off pulling your hands away. “I want you to go.”

He stared at you with hurt in his eyes and you had to stave off the instinct of reaching out and making it all better for him. You had to decide that you deserved before all else. It was the only way you’d been able to survive thus far.

***

Shawn: What are you doing tonight?

y/n: Minding my business.

Shawn: I want you to come over tonight. To my place. I’m gonna tell you the truth.

Shawn: I miss you

You paused peering down at your phone. It had been over a week since you’d asked Shawn to leave your apartment. It hadn’t exactly been radio silence, since he’d been trying to get in contact with all week, but you weren’t really interested in the half assed excuses anymore. You had planned to wait until he was ready to tell you the truth. You just weren’t prepared for him to cave that quickly.

y/n: no more bullshit?

Shawn: no more bullshit. Please come.

He sent you the address and another plea to show up. You weren’t quite sure what was leaning you towards going. There wasn’t exactly anything that pointed towards him suddenly being honest with you. The problem was you were kind of falling for this asshole, and so wanting to be realistic and wanting to be with him weren’t  lining up.

The house you pulled up to was far larger than anything you’d seen in the town thus far. It was nestled in the woods, all dark mahogany walls and big wide windows. It was big even by your standards, let alone for small town baker. You parked the car and headed for the front door where he seemed to be already waiting for you. He opened it and you could feel the nerves rolling off of him in waves. There was almost a sadness about him to. A sadness that had you stepping far closer to him than you should have.

“What’s wrong?”

He shook his head softly. “Nothing yet. Come in.”

He led you straight to a kitchen that was wide and vast just like everything about this place. You made a note to ask him about that later. Also, in the kitchen were the two guys from the bar: Brian and Geoff. Suddenly it was three on one and the atmosphere in the room had you stopping in your tracks.

“What’s going on?” You asked refusing to take another step forward.

“This is Brian and Geoff. They’re just here to make sure everything goes okay.”

“That sounds like exactly what the killer says in the movie where my black ass gets the ax.”

Shawn sighed and stepped closer to you.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how intimidating this might be. I’m just trying to make this go as smoothly as possible. No one is going to hurt you okay? I promise you.” He murmured feverently. “Trust me.”

“Christ, Shawn. Just tell me what you were going to tell me.”

He nodded and paced quickly around the kitchen before settling in front of you once again.

“Remember those cases you started having with the teen aged boys who were breaking out into sweats and muscle pains?”

“Yea. Dr. Savage said it was just them changing or something.”

“Exactly! And remember how he told you that I was the town leader and how I had to step up after my dad died?”

You nodded. “What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“It has everything to do with it, y/n. Everything! I’m--I’m not just some town leader okay? People don’t just say hi to me when we’re walking around town because of who I am, but because of what I am.”

“Well what are you?” You asked, more confused than ever.

“I’m . . .I’m a wolf. My dad used to be the leader of this town, and my family is a long lineage of alphas. I’m not a town leader, I’m a pack leader.”

Time seems to hit a standstill as you stare at him. There’s a whole lot of emotions that flicker through you in rapid cession. Shock. Confusion. Acceptance. Anger.

“And that is my cue to leave.” You snorted turning for the door.

“Y/n I am telling you the truth!”

You turned on him rage coiling deep in your stomach.

“Did you put Cal up to this too? What the hell is the matter with you Shawn?! I mean why, why are you playing with me like this?”

“I can prove it!”

“Excuse me?”

“I can prove to you, that I’m a wolf.”

You simply did not have the time or the patience to continued to be toyed with. Shawn wasn’t taking no for an answer and proceeded to tug his shirt over his head.

“Okay what in the Black baby Jesus are you doing?!” You groaned as he began to work on his belt.

“I like this outfit. I don’t want it to get ruined.”

You peered over at his friends who were now just peering over in amusement.

“Are you aware that your friend is crazy?”

“Why yes, we absolutely are.” Brian snorted. “But jackass is actually telling the truth.”

“Turn around. It’s not actually all the pretty.” Shawn mumbled as he got rid of his jeans.

“Which part, you turning into a big dog, or you taking your underwear off?”

Geoff laughed. “Wait, I like her. Where have you been hiding her at?”

“Not now, assholes! Will you please, please just turn around?”

Your rolled your eyes as far back into your head as humanly possible before turning your back to the man who you’d thought you were falling in love with, but who was turning out to be almost certainly off his fucking rocker. You were about to start throwing out more snarky comments when the most horrendous sounds began to occur. It gave you the more visceral reminder of the time you had broken your arm by falling off your bike, the bone scraping so graphically against the concrete that your stomach lurched just thinking about it. But this was somehow worse. This sounded like bone scraping against bone, joints popping in and out. You wanted to turn, but something inside of you kept you frozen exactly where you stood.

The next thing that you registered was something pushing gently against your back. And when you turned, oh so hesitant, sure enough behind you was a fucking wolf. A huge, up to your chest, head the size of your body, fucking wolf. You still couldn’t believe it. You blinked over and over again willing for it to change. Everything in your life had been so straight and narrow for so long. Elementary school. Middle school. High School. College. Med school. Simple cause and effect. Every illness had a response, had something that you could offer it. Logic had always been your MO. But this. What the hell was this?

“I don’t…I don’t understand.” You whispered.

The wolf nudged its head against your stomach and wined paw reaching up to slap at your waist. He nearly knocked you over. You let your fingers slide through his fur, hair incredibly thick and lucious. When he leaned up on his legs you could see his eyes and that was what got you. Even in his wolf state, those eyes were unmistakably Shawn. They were warm and brown, the shade of honey much brighter. It was him though. That was your Shawn.

“Holy shit.” You gasped. “It’s really fucking you, isn’t it?”

He barked and nuzzled his head deeper into your arms.

Holy fucking shit.

Suddenly he was out of your arms and stepping back around to the other side of the kitchen. He barked at Brian and Geoff who easily translated.

“He’s gonna change back now. He wants you to wait for him in the living room, if you’re not too afraid.”

You weren’t sure that you would’ve made it to your car if you wanted to. You felt like your legs might give out any moment. It was a struggle even to make it to the couch. The whole time, you were trying to rationalize what your eyes had just seen, and trying to figure out how to make the puzzles pieces to fit together. There was a fear that maybe there was no logic to be had in this scenario. Perhaps the most logical answer, was the one that made the least sense in your head.

Shawn stepped into the room a few minutes later in nothing but a pair of sweats. Geoff and Brian were nowhere to be seen anymore, but that didn’t stop him from taking slow and deliberate steps towards you with his hands raised.

“Are you afraid of me?” He asked.

You stared at him trying to reconcile how his large body could be even bigger, and furrier to boot. It just was unbelievable.

“I...I don’t know.” You mumbled. “I don’t know about anything anymore.”

He sat on the couch, keeping an entire cushions distance from you.

“The reason that I had Brian and Geoff there was because...I don’t want you to be afraid. I guess in hindsight I didn’t think about how three random white guys might be all the more intimidating. I--I wanted you to feel safe. And I wanted them to be in their human forms just in case. I’m so sorry y/n. I wanted to do this all differently, but I couldn’t lose you. I’ve been trying to fight my instincts to satisfy, to do whatever you need for days, and it’s been killing me. I needed to do whatever would make you happy.”

“Holy shit, this is really happening, isn’t it?” You chuckled humorlessly letting your face fall into your hands.

“It is. But uh...you’ve got some choices to make so unfortunately there’s more.”

All you could do was groan.

“How could there possibly be more? If you tell me there are vampires walking around too, I’m having myself admitted.”

“Not exactly.” He chuckled dryly. “You’ve been feeling something since we met right? There’s a--a pull between us. It feels instinctual. Maybe you have a sense for what I’m feeling without me ever having to say it. You uh might feel the need to do whatever would make me happy, even when it’s not within your control.”

You raised an eyebrow but nodded.

“Yea. How did you know?”

“It’s not a coincidence. You and I...We’re mates.”

“We’re what now?”

“Mates. It’s sort of means we were created for each other. Like destiny or fate or whatever. Usually werewolves mate with other werewolves but not always. My mother’s human for example, and she still mated with my dad. You said you felt something pulling you to this town, like it was decided before you even consciously thought it. That was me. That was us.”

He now looked just down right sheepish. This man was essentially telling you that he was a dog and your soulmate all in one night, and has the audacity to try and smile at you while he did it. Your mind felt like it was about ready to explode. You couldn’t even fathom all of the information he was trying to make you take in. four years of med school had nothing on Shawn.

“So what we’re just...meant to be? Like we’re stuck together forever?” You asked.

You knew immediately that he’d been dreading you asking that question by the look of defeat on his face. And just like that the need to fix it came roaring back in your gut. It felt oddly nice to give that feeling a name now.

“N--No. It doesn’t mean that. If you decide that you hate me, or that this isn’t what you want for yourself you don’t have to stay with me. There are some cases of mated pairings not working out. It’s usually pretty terrible but...I would never make you stay if you didn't want to. I love you too much for that.”

Somehow out of all the things that he’d said that night, of all the feelings he’d made you feel, he was still able to shock you.

“Did you just say…?”

He reached for your hand and intertwined your fingers.

“I love you. It’s a bit different for me because I knew we were mates the second we met but...I don’t think being human could have changed anything. You’re just, you’re you. I meant it when I said I was crazy about you. I love every moment we get to spend together. I love your sense of humor, and how you’re probably the smartest person I’ve ever met. I would love to just be with you, if you’ll have me. No secrets. No half truths. No running off anymore. It would be just you and me, forreal this time.”

It felt good to hear. That part was undeniable. But you couldn’t help but feel incredibly overwhelmed by it all. Not just the “i love you”, but the fact that the first time you moved out of your home state you stumbled straight into supernatural shenanigans. When you had asked for Shawn to be honest with you, you figured he was maybe hiding an erectile dysfunction, or even a secret job as a hitman would have been less shocking.

“This is . . . a lot, Shawn. I don’t even know what to say to any of this.” You admitted.

He nodded softly eyes downcast. “Of course. If you want to go home, I understand. And if you don’t want me around anymore, you can just text me or something.”

You didn’t know how to explain not wanting to be alone. You couldn’t reconcile needing the space to think, and yet wanting him to be close by while you did it. It wasn’t fair to you or to him, but you found that now that you knew the truth, your instincts toward him were even harder to fight. You just wanted to be with him.

“Is it weird to not want to be alone right now?” you mumbled.

He reached hesitantly forward, tapping on your chin till your eyes met with his.

“No. Nothing you’re feeling can be weird right now. I just told you I’m a wolf, y/n.”

A chuckle passed your lips and you paused not sure if it was okay to laugh or not.

“It’s okay. You can laugh. I’d rather you laugh.”

“Can I--Can I stay here tonight?”

His eyes widened. “Yea. Yes, of course. You can stay in my room. C’mere.”

He leads you through the house, all wooden floors and wooden walls. There seemed to be a lot of patch ups, from what you weren’t sure, but you even passed the door you’d seen him get at the store all the months ago. It made you curious how violent wolves actually were. It was difficult to imagine Shawn as being anything other than kind and warm. Then again you’d never imagine him to grow four legs either.

“This house is so big.” You noted as he led you up the stairs.

“It’s been in my family for generations. The pack usually lives here. When my dad passed away, my mom couldn’t be here anymore, so I took over and she moved into an apartment.”

“Wait, so they all live here? Where are they?”

He shrugged pulling you into the last room at the end of the hall.

“I had everyone leave but Geoff and Brian. I thought it might be a little intimidating.”

His room was obviously the master bedroom. It was far bigger than yours, with the king size bed to match. There was a guitar in the corner next to the night stand. He had a picture of him, his dad, and his mom on his dresser. There were cookbooks and pastry books galore all on a shelf. It felt like him. It was so obviously him that you somehow felt immediately at home.

Shawn moved to his dresser pulling out one of his shirts and a pair of sweatpants. He then walked into his closet and pulled out a pink satin pillowcase before pulling it onto a fresh pillow and lying it next to the clothes.

“Here you go. You can change in the bathroom.”

You eyed the pillow curiously. “What’s that for?”

“Oh,” He scratched nervously at back of his neck. “Well I just remembered that you had one at your house. You said it was for your hair, right? So it doesn’t get messed up? I bought one off amazon so if you ever came over you wouldn’t have to worry.”

You stared at him, lips parted, because what in the entire fuck? Your eyes flickered from the pillow and back to him, heart doing another unsteady gurplunk in your chest. He had to be stopped.

“Is that...is that okay? Did I get the right one?”

You nodded. “Yea it...it’s perfect. No one’s ever done that for me before.”

“I just wanted you to feel comfortable here.”

Another layered statement. Another round of intense eye contact. He was sure to be the death of you one way or another.

You changed into the clothes and ran some mouthwash through your cheeks before stepping back into the room. Shawn was just sort of standing there with his hands in his pockets like he didn’t know what to do with himself. In your mind, you wondered how anyone that beautiful and chiseled could be so goofy.

“What now?” You asked.

“Nothing! I just didn’t know if you’d want to sleep alone tonight. You can if you want. I meant what I said about giving you space.”

You looked over at the bed and then at him before shaking your head softly.

“Don’t wanna be alone.”

The sheets are soft and they smell just like Shawn. The satin pillow is kind of perfect and when he turns the light off it’s almost like all the other nights you spent together. You’re almost able to forget that he’s just flipped your entire world upside down. It doesn’t help that you feel better being in a room with him, than you’d felt in a week. It doesn’t help that when he was describing all of the reasons why he might love you, they  matched perfectly with how you felt about him.

“I can hear you thinking.” He murmured into the dark.

You gasped. “What?!”

“Not like I can read your mind.” He snorted. “More like, I hear your heart rate increasing. I can feel your body language. Usually it’s the wolf instincts, but I think I’m just attuned to you at this point.”

“Oh...I guess I was wondering, when you didn’t want to have sex with me? You said that you didn’t want to hurt me. I still don’t get what you meant by that.”

He goes quiet for a little while, and you’re sure that you’ve struck a nerve. When he releases a little breath, you find yourself doing the same.

“Well it’s two things. I guess it’s why I started to freak out when you called me town leader?

I didn’t want you to know what I am. I didn’t want you to have to come into my world. I--I knew that you were my mate. I knew that I loved you, but every second you were in the dark you were safe. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Safe? Does that mean that now that I know I’m not safe anymore?”

“No. I would never let anything or anyone hurt you. Not now, not ever. There’s just always a chance when you’re dealing with wolves. We’re protectors. Of the town, of our pack, of our families. That typically means there are things that one might need to be protected from. The closer you are to us the more likely it is to need protection. But I’m alpha for a reason. No one would ever touch you.”

You’d been laying their long enough for your eyes to adjust to the dark. You could see the firm set of his jaw to match the seriousness of his tone. Before you had even consciously made the decision, you were flipping over onto your side and nuzzling into his side. He quickly lifted his arm for you to slide beneath. The warmth he gave put your mind way too at ease.

“Tell me the other part.”

“The other part is...I’m kind of really strong. Inhumanly strong, obviously. And I just want to make sure that when I’m intimate with you that you don’t get hurt. Mated love making is...intense.”

You peered up at his face with raised eyebrows. “What kind of intense?”

“Remember what you thought happened to my bed to make it break? That kind of intense.”

Hmm. Hot.

You hummed. “Well I guess it has been so long since I’ve got laid, I’d welcome you throwing my back out at this point.”

“Not funny.”

“Not even a little bit?”

“Me breaking your back? No not in the slightest!”

“Well no one said anything about breaking it Shawn! I simply implied a little soreness and tenderness after a good dicking.” You snorted. “You werewolves. So touchy.”

“Oh my god. I’m in love with an actual dork.”

……

*Ten minutes later*

“I just want to point out that when I said no white nonsense, being a fucking werewolf was automatically on that list”

“Sweetheart, go to sleep.” He hushed.

“Yea, okay.”

****

*six months later*

“Babe have you seen my lucky head scarf! I’m gonna be late!”

“Did you check your hair drawer?!”

You rolled your eyes. “Yes! Coincidentally that was the first place I looked!”

“Well stop being sarcastic to me and just come downstairs!”

It was your first date completely running the clinic by yourself. Dr. savage had been slowly edging himself out over the past few months, but not without letting you in on the town secrets. Little did you know that being able to accept Shawn as a werewolf meant having to take care of all the werewolves. The clinic would be their safe haven if anyone got too hurt to heal, which apparently shouldn’t happen often because they healed super fast. A learning curve did not begin to describe all the shit you had been over in the last few months.

In the end it had been way too easy of a decision. You had woken up the next morning in Shawn’s arms and he had just stared at you with hopeful puppy dog eyes--which definitely held a new meaning now. You couldn’t leave. You didn’t want to. It had taken a while for you to get used to it all. He was incredibly gentle and understanding with you. And thus there you were...wrapped up in continuous white nonsense. Because love. Or whatever.

“Shawn,” You whined thumping down the stairs. “I really do need my scarf, babe. My edges are rough.”

You headed straight for the kitchen only to see your boyfriend standing there with a cinnamon roll the size of your head with a candle sticking out of it  in his hands, smile big and wide on his face. It had turned out to be your favorite after all

“Happy First Day!” He cheered.

Usually the kitchen was crawling with people in the morning, everyone trying to get their breakfasts in before going off to their respective days. This morning it was absolutely bare besides the two of them. You had gone on to notice over your months dating Shawn that when he wanted to be alone with you, he was going to be, and anyone else around wasn’t even an option. Again. Hot.

“What are you doin’?” You murmured playfully stepping up to claim your prize.

And it wasn’t the cinnamon roll. You had him put the plate down and quickly wrapped your arms around his waist. He took your cheeks in his hands, warm as always, and pressed a kiss to your lips that left you a little breathless.

“I wanted to celebrate my baby being the badass doctor in town.”

You giggled. “When you said you were letting the other guys open the bakery today, this was not what I was expecting.”

“You didn’t think I’d make you your favorite breakfast? I’ve been bringing you breakfast for almost a year now.” He chuckled.

“Hmm...it’s been a good year.”

“I would have to agree. I have your scarf. What do you say I drive you to work today before I head to the bakery. And after your first full day, I want to take you out just the two of us.”

Your eyes widened. “Really? No one else?”

“No one else. Just you and me. I’ve got a lot of plans for you today.”

“Oh really? What kind of plans you talkin’ bout sir?”

“The throw out your back kind of plans.”

“Well those just happen to be my favorite kind...C’mere.”

The End.