#it sucks even more because sometimes people aren't *trying* to set you up

[legendofmorons]

Written in the stars (forever on loop) chapter five - I will wait

Pairing: pre- poly! Chain x reader, Wind & reader

Rating: T

Summary: You spend the day telling people you're leaving, getting dragged into a fight, and having a somewhat honest conversation with Legend. Hyrule is having a very bad time, Four would like everyone to get their shit together so he can have a turn with a breakdown, and Epona is definitely my favorite. (Aka: I drop a bunch of information, smack everyone with the angst stick, and gloss over like three sort of concerning things)

Warnings: cursing, Canon typical violence, angst, blood

Other: If I missed anything, please let me know.

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------

Morning comes with little fanfare.

Warriors wakes you up carefully, informing you it's time to be alert. You groan, but get up.

You set about getting ready for the day and putting things in the enchanted bag Wind gave you. (The kid is a life saver!)

Once you've gotten your things packed, you find yourself pulling Wind and Sky aside to tell them about your decision before everyone else.

You consider simply not telling them. You could just slip away. You could avoid saying goodbye.

You hate goodbyes.

You could avoid any possible confrontation.

That isn't right, though. Even with all the strange tension the group deserves to know you're leaving. They deserve to know there's one less person to feed.

Wind and Sky especially deserve to know. They've both been so good to you.

It would be a coward's choice to simply disappear and appealing as it is... you know it's wrong.

Wind and Sky deserve better.

Being a better and more healed version of yourself is hard and sucks sometimes. Making mature decisions sucks.

You take a deep breath and try to prepare yourself before you do this.

"Can I talk to you two?" You ask as you approach Wind and Sky.

"Yeah, of course!" Wind answers.

"Sure." Sky says.

You offer a soft smile. "I wanted to tell both of you something before the others."

"That's ominous." Sky says with a weak smile.

"What's going on?" Wind asks, tilting his head.

You take a deep breath. "I'm staying at the next town."

"What?" Sky croaks, eyes going wide.

He looks a little sea sick, but you can't imagine why.

"I'm not going to leave with you, I'll stay at the next town."

"Why?" Wind asks, sounding tense.

You give a weak smile. "I'm not a fighter like you guys. Besides... I'm slowing you all down. I think we can all agree I'm not exactly an adventuring expert."

There's a beat of silence.

"No one is at first," Sky says gently, quick to reassure you.

"Maybe not. But I'm staying at the next town." You say, trying to sound firm without sounding callous.

Wind rolls his eyes. "If this is because Legend is being a little bitch-"

"It's not." You say quickly. "I'm having a lot of things going on in my head, and I need space to sort through them."

"Oh." Wind deflates.

Sky gives you a look somewhere between guilt and relief. "If you're sure."

"I am." You say.

It really does seem like the best plan anyway.

"You're sure this isn't about Legend being a dickbag?" Wind asks.

You snort, "It's not that."

"Fine." Wind sighs. "If this is what you want."

"It is." You say.

Sky gives you a tired smile. "I'm sorry you got dragged into all of this."

"It's not your fault." You say, "Thank you for helping me out."

"Of course." Sky says with a strange hitch of his breath.

Wind rolls his eyes, "What were we supposed to do, leave you there?"

"You could have."

"Who does that?" The teen scoffs.

You shrugs, "Some people."

"Not us." Wind says.

"Not you." The agreement is pulling itself from wherever those strange dreams are from. You believe it, though.

Your The heroes aren't the type to leave anyone stranded like that.

Wind sighs. "Does anyone else know?"

"Time, and Four because he was there when I told Time."

"Four?" Sky blinks.

You nod. "Yes."

"If you're staying at the town, could you send a letter for me?" Wind asks.

You agree, of course you can! It's no work and he's done so much for you.

You let the news sit until after Wild has given everyone breakfast. You sit with Wind, of course. The boy is currently glaring at Legend as if the man did something personal.

Weird.

Why is the sailor so mad at Legend?

Did the veteran say something?

"I have something to tell all of you," You say, words feeling far heavier than you want to acknowledge or admit.

It shouldn't be so hard to tell a group of people that don't seem to want you around that you're leaving.

But...

The dreams....

Something makes it feel wrong to leave. Something is your heart says you're meant to he with this group.

(But that is absolutely ridiculous... right?)

All eyes turn to you except Wind, who is still giving Legend dirty looks.

"What is it?" Warriors asks, brow raising as he appraises your behavior.

"I'll be staying at the next town we find." You say, trying to bite back the abject bitterness about leaving.

"What?" Wild manages.

"Why?" Hyrule asks, face looking like you've struck him.

Okay...

Why do any of them care? You seem to just make them uncomfortable anyway.

"I've got some things to sort out, but I'm also not really a fighter. We all know I'm slowing you down."

"You are not." Sky says.

You smile, "I definitely am."

"It's- not your fault." Wild tries to reassure.

That's very sweet of him.

You laugh a little, "Either way, I'm staying at the next town."

"Are you sure?" Warriors asks.

"Yes."

"Well... Good luck." Four offers tightly.

Legend stays silent, not looking at you. The break is nice, in all honesty.

"I do want to say thanks to all of you, for helping me out and making sure I don't die." You offer with a smile.

"It's not a big deal." Twilight waves off.

"It's what anyone would do." Hyrule says.

You shake your head. "Not anyone."

"It's what we do." Time says.

"You are heroes." You smile a little.

"So we hear." Legend scoffs, glaring at the ground.

You sigh, turning back to your breakfast. This hasn't been the worst interaction, but it hasn't been the best either.

"Don't let him bring you down." Wind nudges you.

"I'm not." You say.

"Good." Sky smiles weakly.

Wind just sighs. "I'm going to miss you. No one else is as fun."

"Hey!" Wild gasps.

You laugh, letting the apprehension from before melt away. There's still an ending that almost seems to loom despite the relief you know you'll receive... but things are good.

Here, in this little bubble made up of you, a teenage scallywag, a grieving but friendly bird lover, and a horse, things are good.

Here you are safe.

All you have to do is ignore the dreams and half memories of your boys the heroes you travel with.

-------

You take the extra sword and shield that Wild gives you, wearing it on your belt easily enough. Traveling seems both easier and harder now that you know you have a set end point for your adventure.

You may not know how many days before you find a town, but you know every step is a step closer to leaving this group. A step closer to leaving Wind, Sky, and Epona.

Today, you travel beside Four. He's rather quiet, but at least he isn't hostile.

Though... Legend hasn't said but one thing to you since yesterday. He won't look at you now...

It's an improvement.

His constant anger is exhausting.

Four may not be as fun to be around as Wind, or as friendly as Sky, but he does at least steady you if you trip.

He dosen’t give you dirty looks.

Four answers any questions you have with a steady patience, eyes almost glinting violet in the light.

The dirt road you trek along is as monotonous as you may think.

Epona keeps falling a little behind Twilight to get your attention. If you slip her an apple at some point, that's really just between you and Epona. Isn't it?

(Wind notices, and he accuses you of being a pushover for Epona. But what if you are? She's an angel!)

Blue skies with big puffy clouds seem to be common here. Today is no exception.

Wind is just behind you with Hyrule, in front of you Time and Twilight walk.

Epona trails a little behind Twilight, choosing to walk at your side instead.

You pass Epona a bit of carrot while you all stop before a rickety old bridge.

"How many is that?" Wind asks from behind you.

"Not as many as she deserves." You flash a grin over your shoulder.

"Why do you like her so much?" Four asks.

You turn to look at him, and for a moment, you swear his eyes are red...

You hum, "She's a good girl. How could anyone not like her?"

"I guess that's fair." Four says, voice a little too far away.

"You okay, smithy?" Wild asks.

"I'm fine." Four says.

The man isn't particularly convincing, but you aren't sure how to bring it up.

There's the sound of rustling and hooves.

You turn, several others turning with you to find the new sound.

A blue lynel surges forward.

"Fuck me." You hiss.

Maybe it's not polite but really, lynels are evil and awful.

"You have the worst curses." Wind snorts.

Twilight turns and presses Epona's reins into your hands without warning, "Take Epona and get outta here. We'll find ya later."

You feel like you're supposed to argue and try to pull your own weight... but you've never fought a lynel in real life, and getting killed seems bad.

So, taking Epona and leaving it will be.

You grip her reigns and take a deep breath.

Scanning the area, you see a path through the trees that is more of a dirt road truly.

Epona can run faster than you...

The boys launch into fight, and you make the executive decision that riding Epona is a great idea.

You clamber up onto Epona, clumsy and panicking. As soon as you settle your weight on her saddle, you click your tounge, squeezing your knees to her sides for a second.

Regardless of your level of experience with horses, you can safely say you've never had to ride a horse while running from an evil centaur being.

Epona takes off into a gallop towards the path in the trees.

You can hear the others fighting, but for your own sanity, you focus on the reigns in your hands.

"When did they learn to ride a horse?!" Someone calls from behind you.

"FOCUS ON THE FIGHT!" Legend calls back, making more sense than you want to examine.

("Focus on the fight, firefly!" A man calls to you, the smell of malice wafts through the air.)

You need your brain to stop doing these things.

Epona breaks the tree line and jumps over a fallen log without stopping. She dosen’t seem to need much instruction.

"You're doing so good, sweetheart." You tell her, white knuckliing the reigns.

You don't pull on the leather in your hands.

If Epona has a plan, you aren't going to argue.

There's a whistling before a pain blooms in your shoulder.

An arrow connects in your shoulder. And you curse.

Looking over, you see several lizafos and a few like likes.

Shit!

You snap the reigns and squeeze your heels to Epona. "Come on, girl, hurry up."

You glance back and nearly scream. There's a shadow there - ripping through the enemies. It looks a lot like dark Link-

You snap the reigns again. You are not dealing with this.

You need a huge pay raise to deal with this, starting with getting paid at all.

Sometimes fighting is a great choice. This is not one of those times. Fighting an evil demon version of a hero seems like a great way to lose.

Epona starts running, clearing obstacles.

You lean forward, dropping the reigns to hug her neck. You might actually die.

"Fucking Bezos." You huff.

You aren't actually sure how this could be his fault but it sounds good.

The shadow ir whatever that is seems focused on the monsters while Epona runs.

Epona runs until she sees a clearing and then she stops.

You groan, getting off her back and looking at the artow in your shoulder. Ow.

This is such-

There's a panicking whiney from Epona.

You turn, eyes falling onto the Bokoblin who just attacked her with a bat.

What an ass! No one hurts Epona!

Ever.

Rage courses through you.

You take your sword in hand, using the arm without the arrow, of course.

Rushing forwards you engage with the blue bokoblin.

"Not my horse, fuck head!" You growl.

You dodge a sweep of the beasts' club.

Swing.

Duck.

Stab.

Pivot-

Epona nickers, bucking the air and slamming her back hooves into the beasts head.

"Good girl!" You praise.

You deal the finishing blow while the beast is down.

The moment the threat is gone you begin to crash, pain flaring in your shoulder where the arrow still is. Exhaustion seeps into your body.

Epona comes over and nudges your good shoulder.

"Hey, sweetheart." You smile softly.

She chuffs at you.

You laugh softly, "Are you okay, pretty girl?"

She nudges you again before walking forwards so your good arm brushes your arm.

"Are you offering to let me lean on you?" You ask.

Epona chuffs again.

You laugh weakly, energy waning too fast as you lean on her with your good side.

"What a sweet girl." You smile softly.

You sigh, looking at the arrow in your shoulder. The next town can't come soon enough.

Unfortunately you have no fairy or potion, so you suppose you'll just have to wait for the boys to find you.

Hopefully it isn't Legend, you aren't sure you can deal with his attitude right now.

You hear movement before you see it.

"(Y/n)?" A voice calls.

That sounds like Time.

Time emerges with Hyrule amd Wind in tow, gaze falling to you with a hiss of "Goddesses."

"Hi." You say, going to wave with your bad arm and wincing.

"You're hurt." Hyrule frowns.

"At least you left it in." Wind sighs.

"Are the others okay?"

"They're fine." Time says firmly, voice stern even though his hands shake.

You nods. "Good."

"Let me heal you." Hyrule says.

"You don't have to. I'm sure I'll be fine-"

"Don't be stubborn." Wind snorts.

"Fine. Thank you, Hyrule." You say.

Hyrule swallows hard as he comes closer. He won't look at your face but he is unnaturally pale while he stares at your wound.

His hands shake as he reaches up to break the long end of the arrow.

"You have monster blood on you." Wind says as he looks you over.

"Good." You manage, "Stupid thing attacked Epona."

"She isn't bleeding, at least."

"Just bruised- Shit!" You hiss out as the arrow his pulled from your shoulder.

"I'm sorry, honeybee." Hyrule says.

What did he just say?

"What?"

"I know it hurts." Hyrule soothes.

Why did he call you 'honey bee'? Maybe... maybe you misheard?

(You can almost imagine his voice calling you that as he points out stars above you...)

Hyrule's magic washes over you and it feels like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. It's like honeysuckle and summer night breezes.

It feels right. The magic feels like coming home to hot chocolate in a blizzard. It weaves into your being like it's meant to be there.

Those dreams are really messing with your head....

"We're glad you're okay." Time says tightly.

"I'm glad you're all okay." You offer.

"We're heroes, of course we're olay!" Wind declares with a grin.

You can't figure it out.

Time looks like he's pained but you can't find any injury.

Hyrule pulls his hand back from you, magic leaving with them. "Feel better?"

"Yes. Thank you." You smile.

"It's what I do." Hyrule waves off.

"We should go back to the group." Time says.

"Sure, just hang on." You say, procuring another bit of carrot and turning to Epona.

She takes the carrot from your hand happily.

"Really?" Wind laughs.

You nod, putting both hands on Epona's cheeks. "You're such a good girl, sweetheart. You kicking that beast was awesome!"

"She- she kicked a monster?" Time asks, sounding like he might fall over.

You nod happily, "Shs did! It was amazing!"

"Epona is pretty good." Hyrule nods.

Epona just gives a happy snort at your shoulder, as if she is checking that it's better now.

"She is."

"She must like you." Time says.

"I hope so." You smile.

"Let's head back, Wild is making lunch." Wind says, tugging you firward by the hand.

You let him lead you back to the group, Epona, following you with Time and Hyrule in the back.

The walk is slower on foot but you don't mind. Epona deserves a break.

Wind tugs you along until you break the trees and can see the others.

Sky sees you and makes his way over. "Hey."

"Hi." You offer. "You okay?"

"We're just tired. That thing had black blood." Sky waves off. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Hyrule healed me so I'm good." You shrug, grateful to be pain free in your shoulders.

Sky frowns, "What happened?"

"An arrow got me, but I'm okay."

Wind grins. "They had the good sense to leave it in until it could be treated."

"Oh." Sky squeaks.

You are sure why. Maybe Sky is squeamish? Maybe Hyrule is too actually...

Weird.

But monster blood is different...

Oh well.

"Wild should be just about done with lunch. Come on!" Wind says as he tugs you over to the cook.

Things aren't perfect, and you're still going to leave them behind... but it's nice right now.

Wind's enthusiasm and some good food do wonders for your mood.

You even get a little cat nap in thanks to Sky.

-------

Legend takes second watch, sending Four off to bed with a yawn and a knowing look. He knows he needs to do perimeter, but first, he wants to make sure everyone is okay.

Sky is half out of his bedroll, face in the pillow and snoring lightly.

You and Wind are near Sky. Wind is sprawled over you, acting half as a blanket thanks to his propensity to moving in his sleep.

You seem peaceful enough, face pressed into the pillow.

Wind flips over and is no longer on you, sprawling sideways out of his bedroll towards Wild. The champion is sleeping like a log.

Hyrule and Twilight sleep near the fire.

Four goes to sleep near Time, the two of them both closer to the fire.

Warriors sleeps on his back, near Sky again.

Legend sets about doing a perimeter check, careful to be as thorough as he can be. He won't let haste doom them.

After his check of the perimeter, Legend goes to sit near the fire again. He's awake enough, but the warmth is always welcome.

After all of his adventures, he's chronically a little cold.

He hears shifting, looking over towards where it is coming from, he finds you.

You're struggling against the blankets in your bed roll, brows knit together.

You make a soft sound.

"Link!" You manage weakly, still asleep.

Legend just stares at you. What are you dreaming that has you acting like this?

You kick your blanket off, continuing to fight against some unknown force.

There's a traitorous part of him that wants to comfort you. The part the hopes against reason that you're his lover who's been reincarnated again, just like always.

He pushes that part down.

"Link look out - she's behind you - Link!" Your voice is small even in your panic. He only hears you because he's awake.

Your face is scrunched up as your arm reaches up.

You bolt upright, eyes flying open with a choked gasp of a name. "Hilda -"

Oh.

Oh no.

You're breathing heavy and Legend -

Legend is having a breakthrough.

"You good?" Legend manages to get out.

Your head whips towards him, shoulders loosening when you see him. You swallow thickly.

"I'm - yeah... yeah... sorry." You manage to get out.

"It's fine." Legend says.

It isn't fine, actually, but that's not your fault.

What he just witnessed shakes lose memories of his lost lover who had the same nightmares about Hilda hurting him over and over.

They - the dreams looked just like whatever you woke up from.

Little details start falling into place.

It's you.

You're here.

What are you doing here?!

Oh.

Oh no.

Legend has been so rude to you. He's been a real piece of shit.

Honestly, he's ashamed. Even if you weren't his soulmate, reincarnated how he's behaved is atrocious. Wild is right about that.

You're still sitting up, trying to slow your breathing down when he looks over again, trying to slow your mind and heart down.

You're- as breathtaking as you've ever been. You always have been, even before he figured out that you really are - well... you.

Have you been having dreams like this from previous lives... the whole time?

Does your Link know?

Where is your Link? You haven't said anything about him at all.

Do you... have a Link? Did he pass?

Have you met him yet?

Legend has about a million questions and no voice to ask with.

He can't help wondering if you know. Do you know who you are?

What you are?

Do you know why they've all been struggling around you?

Can... Can you forgive him for how awful he's been to you?

Legend could kick himself for all of it.

Should...

Should he tell the others?

Is it kinder not to tell them because you're leaving again and staying at the next town?

He probably shouldn't tell them.

What's one more secret?

Legend absolutely owes you an apology, though. Maybe a hundred apologies.

He looks at you again.

You're sitting up, knees drawn to your chest as you try to slow your breathing. You look exhuasted.

How long have you been having dreams from past lives?

"It's not real." You whisper.

Legend swallows hard. He closes his eyes before he opens them and does what he should have done before he ever figured out that, in fact, his beloved trinket.

You are a person, and ever reincarnation soulmate or not, you deserve better from him.

"Do you want to join me?" Legend asks.

Your head whips over to look at him. "I don't want to intrude -"

"I'm offering." He says.

You get up, silently crossing the space to sit on the log with him. There's space between the two of you.

Legend can feel the urge to reach out and pull your close bubble up.

He dosen’t. He dosen’t have that right anymore, especially not after his behavior.

He shouldn't have taken his grief out on you at all, regardless of if you're you or not.

Goddesses. How long has he wasted with you?

"Bad night?" He asks stiffly.

You nod. "Yeah."

"Damn." He says.

You snort, side eyeing him. "Thanks."

"Do you... want to talk about it?" He asks as he looks you over.

You shrug. "Won't matter. Just a lot of weird dreams. Some are nice. Some aren't."

"That sucks."

"It does." You agree. "It's not the biggest problem, though. My sword skills are hit or miss, and I think I might have to fight Twilight for custody of Epona before I leave she seems to like me."

"She does." He agrees, trying to ignore the twinge in his chest at the reminder that you are leaving. "It drives Twilight up a wall. He's jealous."

He knows it's better this way.

He knows that the town will keep you safe from the danger of this quest.

He knows it's for the best.

But it's still losing you.

Again.

He's not even sure he'll find the words to apologize properly before you leave

"He shouldn't be, Epona adores him."

Legend just shrugs. "I don't understand cowboy feelings."

You laugh a little, tense and shaking. But it's the first laugh he's gotten out of you in a long time.

He's missed it. He's missed the way your laugh sounds.

"He's a boyscout who loves his horse." You muse, eyes softening in the firelight. "I guess you don't have Boy Scouts here, do you?"

The question is a genuine one, your gaze turning to him again.

"Uh, no clue what that shit is." Legend shrugs.

Goddesses! How is he supposed to act?!

You obviously don't know about the soulmate reincarnated thing. He can tell, he knows you, and your mannerisms are the same.

If you knew... You'd confront him about it. You wouldn't let them agonize like this if you knew.

He doesn't want to tell you. You don't seem familiar with Hyrule, so he's not sure you've even heard about the soulmates thing.

Besides, before just now, he's been a complete jackass to you!

He's kicking himself for it, but he would bet if he went from that to saying your his soulmate that your head would spin. You wouldn't believe him.

"It's something kids do. They learn survival and camping and sell popcorn." You explain.

"Huh." Legend manages.

"Can... I ask you something?" You ask.

"Sure."

"Did I do something to you?" Your question is fair, but the way you stare into the fire to avoid looking at him hurts.

"No. You didn't..." Legend weighs his options, the way this could play out. He makes his decision. "You just - You're too much like someone I lost."

"Oh." You say, understanding blooming in your lovely eyes.

"Look... I know I've been a real shit, and I know taking my problems out on you isn't fair. I'm sorry I've acted like a real..." Legend pauses, looking for the right words.

"Fucking asshole?" You offer with a half smile.

"Yeah," He breathes out. "I've been a real fucking asshole."

"Your behavior sucks. But, I forgive you, as long as you try to do better." You tell him. "I don't understand it all, but I know grief."

You have always been too forgiving of him.

Legend snorts. "Yeah."

"I don't expect you to be warm and cuddly." You crack a weak smile. "If you could just stop glaring at me all the time, I'd be thrilled."

"Yeah... I've really been an asshole."

"A little." You agree.

Legend raises one eye brow. "Just a little?"

"Okay a lot."

"I know." Legend says.

He does know. He knows because Wild shouted some sense into him. He knows because he examined himself. He knows because of how you watch him wearily.

Legend feels his fingers twitch with the urge to pull you close and keep you warm and safe in his embrace.

He ignores that urge for so many reasons. The biggest reason being that you have shown zero inclination to want that from him.

You seem less tense now, shoulders only a little tense as you watch him.

It's a start.

-------

Hyrule spends most of the morning hovering near you, right up until Four pulls him away to go gather more firewood for the slate. The fae wants so badly to fight but he knows he is being strange about you.

It's just-

Everyone has a capability for magic, even if the ability is technically so minute it's inconsequential. As a fae Hyrule is very good at magic and can sense magic in others.

When he was healing you yesterday... he felt your magic.

Your magic isn't anything particularly impressive. The magic you possess is enough to use potions and elemental rods but not enough to do a whole lot more.

There's nothing wrong with that, you have rather average magical thresholds so you aren't in danger of potion sickness.

The problem with your magic is that it is yet another almost identical trait you share with his honeybee. Your magic feels like home in ways he thought he could never feel again.

Hyrule has to be losing his mind.

"You need to get your head on right." Four says, interrupting the other man's spiral.

Hyrule looks over and swallows hard. "Right."

"What happened yesterday?" Four asks, eyes almost looking red for a second.

Hyrule takes a slow breath, readjusting the wood in his arms. "They got hurt yesterday... when I was healing them- their magic is- Why do they have to be so much like my honeybee?"

Four sighs. "I don't know."

"Is there any chance they're our (Y/n)?"

"I wouldn't get your hopes up." Four says firmly, eyes glinting blue for a moment.

Hyrule feels his face crumple. "I just-"

"I know." Four says, "We all know. But getting your hopes up is only going to hurt yourself worse."

"It already hurts."

Four takes a slow breath, pushing Blue's anger and Red's tears away. He understands both feelings and would love to give in to either, but he can't fall apart right now.

Right now, the blacksmith needs to keep it together against the grief beating in his heart and the splitting headache he can't escape.

"Hyrule, grief never goes away completely but you can drown in it. Our soulmate would hate to see you drown I it."

"Four..."

"You just have to hold on until we reach the next town."

Hyrule winces, "I don't know if I can."

"You have to." Four says with nothing but empathy. "We all have to."

"Just until the next town?"

"Just until then."

Hyrule sighs, swallowing hard. "Okay."

Four looks back the way they came, "We should head back."

"Who's supposed to be protecting them today?" Hyrule asks.

"I think that's Twilight and Wild."

"Okay." Hyrule says.

Four gives a weak smile, eyes almost looking green. "We're going to be okay."

"I know."

"Come on, we should hurry. Legend was being weird and I really don't want to deal with Wind trying to set the vet on fire with dirty looks." Four says as he turns to head back.

Hyrule gives a weak, performatory laugh. "Yeah... me neither."

The two make their way back to camp, silence filtering heavy in the air.

When they get back they nearly drop the woof in their arms.

You and Wind are sparring with the wooden swords again, except this time Legend is laughing when you trip over air but he offers you his hand silently.

Four is pretty sure something is weird. Legend went from so hostile you two didn't share any positive interactions to withdrawn, and now he's offering to help you up.

"Is that a changeling?" Hyrule whispers.

"I don't know."

"What did we miss?" Hyrule wonders.

Four just sighs, "Who knows."

They watch you take Legend's hand with a 'thanks'.

Hyrule sighs. "At least Wind dosen’t have to be pissy."

"Be nice." Four huffs, the tug of his lips gives him away, though.

Hyrule and Four take one last moment to remind themselves that this is just until the next town. They can pull through.

They have to.

--------

In the trees, a panther lounges, watching the group of heroes, but the animal's interest lies far more in the horse and the non-hero.

It's almost time for the large cat to introduce themself. The next town is soon, and the feline is tired of playing the long game.

By nightfall, the panther should finally be able to get to the non-hero.

Soon.

Soon, everything will be much better.

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[olderthannetfic]

In 21 years of writing fanfic, I had never had a comment genuinely make me feel frustrated and exasperated enough to rant. That ended yesterday, with someone getting annoyed by my use of the word 'minor' in a story. Bruh. A character who is a lawyer is going to differentiate between minors and adults because the law treats them very differently. I don't know how it works abroad, but in the United States, the law does factor age into things. A 4 or 14 or 24 year old have different levels of responsibility for their actions/capacity to understand their actions and therefore culpability in a court of law.

"Minors is insulting! Say kids!" This dude is a lawyer. He canonically says "minors" and "adults" in the source material. The character is referring to is a teen, not a child, also. Teens are, depending on the situation, usually not legally treated as adults in a court of law. They are, in criminal cases, treated differently from a child who is a preteen. Again, 4 and 14 are massively different ages cognitively and developmentally.

"I hate when people call kids teens or minors. It's degrading language." Teen means 13 to 19. Minor means under the age of majority, which in the country canon is set in is 18 years of age. 5/7ths of teens are under the age of majority. All of them are teens.

"Making him say minors feels predatory like he's not even acknowledging that's an actual whole-ass child!" He is not calling the 14 year old an adult. He is not preying on them. Legal documents from papers to the law to statements make this difference noted not because all these people wanna bang the 14 year old but because 14 is not an adult.

"Why can't he just say kid like a normal person?" Because kid is not a legal term. Child, defined as under 13 or under 18 depending on the law, does sometimes pop up, but you'll see the word minors a lot all over US law. Everywhere. All the time.

And before someone says, "ugh, the commenter must be an annoying teen/kid/minor", while you'd like to hope so, I saw their fandom tumblr (same name) pop up in a reblog of a post and clicked on the bio.

They're 35, soon to be 36. This isn't a 19 year old arguing teens are kids because seeing how teens act at his college has convinced him these aren't adults (which would be a fair argument; I have seen some silly, silly freshman, living three blocks from the university). This is someone old enough to have a teenager arguing that "minor" and "teen" are somehow morally wrong words to use.

I genuinely do try not to use offensive language unless it's in-character. I don't write everyone as a snarky MCU style everything-is-a-joke you-suck-lmao jackass. But this is in-character. And more than that, this is how people talk every single day in the real world and have for centuries.

This is the only truly can't-get-it-out-of-my-head baffling comment I've ever gotten. My comment luck has always been great, but I guess it had to run out sometime. (Not that I haven't had rude comments. It's just that the rudeness made sense in what the person hated.)

--

[shorlinesorrows]

okay, a couple things on alien stage/ivantill that I think some folks maybe need to consider and internalize.

Till does not "need" to return Ivan's feelings in the slightest if he doesn't feel that way. It's heart wrenching to see Ivan love him and have those feelings unreturned, but please remember that no one is required to return romantic feelings for someone else. You can't make yourself love someone, and you shouldn't. Especially out of guilt or obligation. That's Unhealthy 101, and would only set a relationship up for failure. (I do think Till cared about Ivan, and that he's going to have a Guilt Complex based on the fact that he didn't fully notice Ivan's feelings/care toward him until the guy died, but I've seen a couple of people tear into Till for not noticing/reciprocating Ivan's feelings??? Don't do that??? their situation is shitty, the fact that they didn't get to talk is shitty, but please don't blame Till for things he Can't Control.)

The kiss was not consensual. It wasn't meant to be portrayed as such. It wasn't even really romantic, it was a desperate, selfish act that Ivan used to get Till's attention (in more ways than one) and to give himself some sense of closure before he died. It was him saying everything that he felt at once, with no chance for Till to reciprocate or deny the affection. In a perfect world, they could have talked instead of this, maybe kissed knowing both wanted it, or given Till a chance to refuse. But they're both in the middle of an essential death tournament and one of them is going to be murdered sometime in the next few minutes. Neither of them really wants to live, but Ivan feels he has unfinished business before his sacrifice, so he finishes it. Their situation sucks. That doesn't mean the kiss was consensual. (especially considering the theory/implication that Till was/is being sexually assaulted by aliens, I wouldn't be surprised if this affects him badly in the future, for multiple reasons. Everyone should always get the chance to say "no" and have that fully respected. This also extends to the fact that Ivan died for Till without giving him a chance to stop it, which is probably going to mess with Till's head a lot. Then again, Ivan likely didn't think it would affect Till much because as far as he/we know, the feelings aren't reciprocated in this moment in canon, or are extremely repressed. Ivan might believe that Till simply hates him, or the kiss/subsequent "choking" may have been a way of trying to make Till hate him so that his death wouldn't hurt as much. Of course that thinking is flawed, because it would hurt Till no matter what, but still, it makes me sad)

Ivan... is kinda messed up. I adore him, but we've got to acknowledge that he has little to no emotional and relationship maturity due to the fact that he was quite literally raised as a pet and learned at a young age to do whatever his masters said to keep himself safe and pain-free. His fascination with Till appears to largely stem from Till's sense of rebellion. Ivan's examples of relationship dynamics and what constitutes as "love" is dangerously unbalanced, and he does not know how to build a healthy relationship. (Neither of them do.) This is also built onto the fact that the person he became dependent on only paid attention to him when they were fighting or Ivan was annoying him. Ivan cares about Till desperately, but he is also dangerously reliant on him to the point of self-detriment. Again, in an ideal world, they would be able to get out of this situation and gradually make a healthy relationship/friendship (depending on Till's feelings) over time while starting to undo the dangerous relationship patterns that they fell into when they didn't have any way to know better. But they're in a terrible situation, and Ivan really just doesn't get the chance to grow as a person and realize that his sense of possessiveness and reliance on Till's attention isn't healthy.

Basically, their situation makes me want to sob and its heart wrenching. Their circumstances have set them up for failure. Both of them are in the midst of attempting to survive an abusive situation and massive amounts of dehumanization. I beg, please try not to sanitize their complicated relationship or blame either of them for the pain the other is going through. I've seen some of that going around, and it's making me sad :(

[ghostsandfools]

The psychology behind Lumini

Would Lunar and Gemini be a healthy couple? I don't fucking know, I've never read or consumed anything to do with psychology in my life, I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about here, I genuinely don't know shit about mental health, BUT I'M GONNA TRY ANYWAYS! So if my takes here suck then sorry.

Lunar:

Lunar idolizes Gemini WAY too much. And that's absolutely going to set their relationship back. It's good to admire your romantic partner, but you need to realize they aren't perfect. YOU aren't perfect, so if you view your partner as a perfect person, you're going to end up feeling like you'll never be enough for them.

You have to realize that you and your partner both have flaws, and recognize that you can work through them together as a team. Gemini, despite how much I love them, has flaws. Lunar is going to have to realize that eventually, but I don't think that'll completely get rid of the issue.

Lunar is just a guy. He got thrown into all this star power stuff randomly. and Gemini is his TEACHER. It's okay, because they're both adults so it's not creepy, but even then, you should never EVER be in a relationship with your boss/educator. Gemini's job is to make sure he's progressing steadily with his star power abilities. And since the astrals are so impatient, they kinda have to hurry him along with his learning. Having your partner teaching you something is stressful, because you want to impress them and do well for their sake. It's even worse because for Lunar and Gemini, it's not "I have a hobby i think you'd enjoy, how about I teach you?" For them it's "You NEED to learn this quickly and without struggling or else my brother is going to fucking KILL YOU." Star power is a life or death thing. Lunar having feelings for Gemini is definitely going to make learning harder for him, not because he'll be distracted by them instead of learning. but because Star power is his entire life purpose now and if he doesn't learn how to control it, the consequences could be very grave for him.

On top of that, he doesn't know Gemini very well. Which is fine, people get crushes of course, but they'll need to take things slow with each other if they want to get to know each other better and work through their other issues.

Gemini:

Gemini needs to be more understanding of Lunar's emotions. It's clear that they care for Lunar, but they're very tough on him, and I don't think they understand the mental effects of that.

Gemini feels things differently than any regular earthling. Their feelings are clearly more rooted in logic. They can feel angry and sad and happy, but it's different than how we would. For example, when they rejected Lunar, they gave him a logical explanation as to why they didn't want to pursue a relationship with him, then didn't understand why he was so sad. They thought explaining it logically would help him feel better, but that's not how feelings work. Sometimes people feel sad or happy or scared or angry for no reason, and that's okay. You don't have to justify your feelings or have a logical reason behind them for them to be valid, but I don't think Gemini understands that, and that's okay, but it's something they'll need to work on. Right now, they seem to think Lunar is immature or over emotional, but that's not true. He's been through a lot, and they really need to begin to understand that.

Now. The elephant in the room. When Lunar killed Eclipse, Gemini got pretty mad at him. Which is reasonable, he did kill a guy. I don't really think either of them were in the wrong in that situation though. I've seen some people say Gemini was downright abusive in their reaction, and I've seen some people say that they should've been harder on Lunar, but I wanna see things from both of their points of view. When Lunar saw Eclipse, he was scared. Seeing an abuser again is terrifying, I don't know what I would've done in his shoes. With the way Lunar's mind works, he could've just lost control of himself, he could've regressed from the stress of the situation and not known what to do, and with the way Eclipse was taunting and threatening him, it makes sense that he'd have a violent reaction. It doesn't justify what he did, but it does explain it. Gemini had every right to lash out at him though, because they trusted him and they spent a lot of time training him so he wouldn't do something like that again and he still did. And maybe, for the first time in a while, maybe they couldn't control their emotions either. Maybe they let their anger get the better of them.

Now, I think it actually shows how strong they are, because they were able to recover from what happened. Lunar apologized for what he did, and they've started to rekindle their friendship and build up trust again, and that's good! Because it shows that they can have arguments and still get over it. I've just got one issue with how their arc is going. I wish Gemini apologized too. I know Lunar did kill a man, but they really, REALLY hurt him. I wish they said sorry. But generally speaking, I'm glad that they're becoming friends again.

Another thing about Gemini is their upbringing. They don't talk about the other astrals very much, and I wonder what their life has been like so far. The other astrals seem more like coworkers to them than siblings, and I wonder if anyone other than Lunar has shown them affection before. Did Aries ever play games with them? Did Libra ever comfort them when they were feeling sad? Did Taurus ever show them how to use their powers? Or did they have to learn everything on their own? Sadly, we don't know. But based on how they talk about the other astrals, I'd wager not. And if that's the case, being in a relationship might be a challenge for them. They don't know how to respond to affection, they don't know HOW to be in a relationship. And in all fairness, neither does Lunar. They would be each other's first lovers, which is even more stressful, because neither of them know what the hell they're doing. If they want their relationship to last, they'd have to be perseverant as HELL.

Anyways. I just spent 45 minutes writing that....

Again, I'm not a psychologist! I'm just some random person! I have never studied mental health in my LIFE! Not to mention, I was gaslit A LOT as a kid. I have some pretty sucky parents, so I don't know what a healthy relationship really looks like either! That being said, if I said anything so unbelievably, ungodly incorrect, please correct me! I need to learn more about mental health so maybe then I can ALSO start feeling better.

I have been shipping Lumini since the episode where they went to Paris together, and I was NOT expecting the shows to actually explore the possibility further. I would LOVE for them to get together in canon, because they both need some love and affection. I think it's good that they have these flaws, because they can grow together and progress as characters, and I'm glad they aren't just some cookie cutter automatically healthy no issues whatsoever relationship. I really do hope things end up working out for them.

[epickiya722]

I'm sorry, but when people try to make Megumi and Tsumiki's relationship "gross" than how it is in canon it just makes me squick out at them rather than the actual story. Sometimes, I do feel like some of you do choose to try to make a big deal out of something that could be easily understood. And at the same time, try to make a character look worse than how they really are.

Like, yes, JJK has dark themes, of course it does. Acting like it shouldn't at all is just absurd to me. And yeah, incest is touched on a bit here, but... I don't think it's always the case with every sibling relationship here. Or any family relationship.

Thinking Megumi is "in love" with Tsumiki, his sister... yeah, I don't see it and it's weird to even try to claim so when it's one of the few sibling relationships in JJK that actually has two siblings care about each other. Even greater that they aren't blood related because sometimes in real life, it is hard for siblings who aren't blood related to get along, let alone even when they are blood related. So It's nice to see when siblings actually have some nice of relationship that isn't them trying to kill each other in fiction.

But it sucks when people try to take them loving each other because they're family to a whole other level when it's not necessary to do that when discussing what the canon story.

This whole "Megumi is in love with his sister" is so just... nonsense to me and I have doubts Gege was really going that route with him. Like, no, Megumi was not written to be romantically in love with his sister.

He's not written obsessive over her, he's not acting like some deranged lover when she hangs out with other people and even at the end of the manga, he states he wants Tsumiki happy with another, like to have a life where she doesn't have to worry about him.

People want to bring up how Megumi thought of Tsumiki when he told Todo his supposed type of partner as a "see, he's in love" but no.

For one, keep in mind that Megumi kept the gender ambiguous and just before that Todo told him it was okay if he liked men, too. On top of that, Megumi's answer is what Yuji's name translates to. What does that tell you?

Second, him thinking of Tsumiki is showing he is aware of what a good person is and the kind of person he wants to be around. Again, think about how he is around Yuji.

It starts in the home, folks. When you actually have a good example of a person in the home, you are more aware of the traits that are good and are bad and the kind of people you should want to be around.

Think about marriages. If you as a child witness your parents be a loving couple, when you eventually want to get married, you know the kind of spouse you want because you know what an example of a lasting, loving marriage looks like. Therefore, you also know the kind of spouse you don't want.

Yes, some people do kind of tiptoe the line of being attracted to someone because they may be attracted to family member in that way and that person happens to check the boxes, however it's not always that.

That's what it's like for Megumi. He knows what a good person is because he was raised by one. He would want a kind person not because he's in love with his sister and he's not. He wants a kind person because he knows that's what is acceptable.

Also, shouldn't Tsumiki set a good example for her brother? Like, I thought older siblings should be good role models?

There's also Megumi wanting to save his sister.

Um... AGAIN, SHE'S THE ONLY FAMILY HE KNEW?! SHE'S A GOOD PERSON WHO DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE PUT IN A COMA! Why wouldn't he not want to save her?!

Why even bring that up to try to say their relationship between them is incestuous? Really?

A sibling trying to save a sibling... like that hasn't been done before.

"But then the Tsu!Yorozu and Meg!Kuna thing!"

Keep this in mind the characters present here and what happened.

Yorozu was obsessed with Sukuna. Sukuna was dismissive the whole time with her. Whatever Yorozu was feeling was not reciprocated.

Just in the beginning of their meeting, they even talked about "changing faces", but kept said faces just to save time and on Sukuna's end make it more devastating for Megumi for when Yorozu and Tsumiki are killed.

"But it was uncomfortable."

I hope it was! Newsflash, sometimes if you're uncomfortable that is the intention.

You shouldn't have been feeling any kind of comfort. Yorozu was written to be someone to be wary of. She's dangerous, aggressive and obsessive.

On Sukuna's end, again, he had the intentions to kill Yorozu to kill Tsumiki to then kill Megumi's spirit so possessing his body could be less troubling.

To see a sister and a brother like that should have made you upset.

Let's also keep in mind that it's not like neither character actually planned to have some "freaky incestuous fling" or whatever. Yorozu wasn't expecting Sukuna to take another vessel, but because it was Sukuna, she wouldn't have cared. Had Sukuna still possessed Yuji, Yorozu would have still acted the same way. Probably would have been more delighted than she was fighting Meg!Kuna because Sukuna then would have no choice but to use his techniques since at the time Yuji didn't have other techniques to use.

(She didn't appreciate Sukuna using someone else's techniques. If anything that created some boundary.)

Anyways!

My question is... if Megumi and Tsumiki are meant to be incestuous or implied then shouldn't that mean Choso and Yuji are the same way?

Because just like Megumi, Choso cares about his siblings, Yuji being one of them, very much and his purpose circled around them. Choso also has been shown to think of his siblings just as Megumi did.

Wait, wait! Let me guess, let me guess.

I guess because Megumi and Tsumiki aren't blood related, let's be honest some bit of misogyny and the dislike for Megumi comes into play here.

Choso trying to be a good big brother and be better the fandom is all for it. Megumi wants to do better and save his sister and the fandom makes it out to be weird.

Why though when in both cases, a brother just cares about his sibling(s)?

Heck, I have seen a few times people what to bring up Maki and Mai but... they're also twins.

Mai and Maki may have a rocky relationship, but they shared a womb for crying out loud. Twins tend to be close because they're two halves of a whole.

"But the whole Mai's first love is Maki or Megumi!"

And stranger is an opinion. But I guess we should look at this statement in just one way, am I right?

For one, yes, I would say Maki is Mai's first love. Just not in the way you're thinking.

Again, they are twins, so of course they would be each other's first love, a familial type kind of love.

With Megumi, I have very high doubts and truth be told, I do think Gege answered this way to throw people off while also challenging the audience to get those gears in motion and actually think about the different interpretations here.

Because let's also keep in mind of something.

Knowing Mai's track record, I doubt she actually harbors any romantic feelings for Megumi. That's Miss "I Will Start Shit" there. Her words were not meant to be taken seriously in that scene with her, Todo, Megumi and Nobara. And even if they were, they (Megumi and Nobara) would have fell right into her hands. She wanted to rile them up.

And with the stranger option, if anything was a definite to romantic love I would say it's with that stranger. If had to guess even the gender, I would say female given that it is canon Mai had this thing about her that makes it seem like any girl she comes in contact with it's like they're dating. The girl that comes to mind is Momo Nishimiya, given they're close.

I would also bring up that there are many kinds of love in JJK.

Self-love, romantic love, platonic love, and familial love which is what I say Megumi feels for Tsumiki.

Love is the most twisted curse of all, but who said it was only romantic love and had to only be that kind of love?

Frankly, I will admit that I hate how some people nowadays will chalk up any sibling relationship, good or bad, to "Oh, they want to fuck each other so bad". It feels so common now.

Yes, incestuous relationships exist, but not every sibling... let alone every family relationship you see is incestuous.

You will see two siblings protecting each other from getting killed and think "they want to tongue each other down so bad"... LIKE NO. They're the only family each other has, for crying out loud.

I'm so no sorry to tell you but they are some people out there who do genuinely love their family without romantic feelings involved.

[regthomas1728]

Confidence is Underrated, Humility is Overrated

That title is misleading. This is to any of the writers who are waiting until they think their writing has to reach a certain level of "awesomeness" before they can share it with others for editing, beta reading, and/or publishing.

You are going to want to share your writing before you write it. I know. I understand. The issue? Your writing looks like shit! (Not really, this is just the critique in each of us telling us we could never be a good author or writer.) You think you can't share it until you've attained damn near perfection!

Let me tell you, this simply isn't true. HOWEVER! If you'd like a few quick and dirty tips to make your writing a slight bit better before trusting yourself to share your story, I've included a few things below.

1.) Take a break from your writing.

Work on another project or don't write a single word on anything. Either way, give yourself and your mind a break. Try a few days or a week for a good cleanse. When you open the document back up, change the size and font of your story then reread it. Go through and make comments or use parentheses for commentary as to what you want to change or fix. If you have time, you can wait even longer than a week! I've done this with a few works, a few times. I've waited a year before touching a WIP. It's up to you.

Another thing: sometimes the person and writer we are now isn't the person and writer that needs to create your story idea. Sometimes, you need to grow and mature a bit before you can touch that idea. That's okay, too.

2.) Know your strengths and weaknesses.

If you know you suck at keeping to one tense or one perspective, write that down. Reread your work with that ONE goal in mind. Don't approach two or more unless you can multitask. Even then, you may miss some and you'll need to be okay with that. You aren't perfect and no one expects you to be.

3.) Utilize Resources

Pinterest, Tumblr, Youtube, and many more will teach you grammar if you're willing to learn it. In fact! I'll hold grammar lessons any time for any one FOR FREE if you want to learn and apply it to your own writing. I have plenty of textbooks and plenty of resources to help anyone who wants it. Pinterest includes hot tips, Tumblr includes detailed descriptions and people who are willing to help, and Youtube holds lessons.

Find what works for you and get down to business. If you really want to improve, you'll take the time to learn. And be patient with yourself when you don't get it immediately.

4.) "The BIGGER the issue, the smaller you write"

Think of the war scene in the first Mulan movie. There's a burning/burnt village int he background and what's int he foreground? That child's toy. A doll. It shows how evil the opposition was, that they could kill a child and leave her toy next to a soldier's helmet. The opposition not only didn't care for the innocent lives they were taking but they were cruel enough to mock our protagonists with a dead child's toy. We saw so much more with that than we ever could if they'd shown the burning village. We could only guess the horrors but with that picture set, we don't have to guess how cruel the opposition is. We know.

This also goes into the "Show don't tell" thing and I'm not gonna get into that right now because plenty of people have. I feel like it's still strongly debated because everyone has their own method.

5.) "There is/was"

I saw a tip saying to search up every instance of "there is" or "there was" and rewrite it. They said it helps "declump" the writing.

Ex. "There is a strike of lightning" becomes "Lightning strikes the sky"

In my opinion, the "there" isn't what's bad. But, you are making the action happen quicker? I don't know if that makes sense. It sounds better because the lightning is actively striking rather than a strike is happening "Oh and it's lightning". Make your action active rather than just happening.

______________________________________________________________

Hope this helps. I have a few more tips but this is a good start.

Keep in mind that the first draft is so the story exists and makes sense to you. The second draft is to make sense to your beta reader/free audience and to make it functional. The third draft is to achieve the goal you set when starting this journey. You can create more drafts than three. Some steps take longer than others.

Regine Thomas Tumblr Arse | With (His) Spunk regthomas1728@gmail.com

[adhd-fandom-and-gay]

Can I ask why you’re trying to get diagnosed with autism right now?

As a disability studies scholar, and an autistic person, I don’t really see anywhere in the world where that is currently safe. The US is one of the worst places because we have eugenics georg literally hacking the government and replacing what little is left with purposefully inhumane AI… but like, for me (queer white afab US citizen) *nowhere* is totally safe to have autism diagnosis documentation, because a lot of the countries that will be safe havens for queer people for 🤏 slightly longer already turn immigrants away if they have disabilities like autism. So, me and a lot of my loved ones have decided not to pursue diagnosis during the rise of fascism. There are (emotional, social, economic) tolls to relying on other support systems than some of the things that come with diagnosis, of course, but I’ve found it’s preferable to legally pass as neurotypical and cis than to have documentation which could lead the government to harm me.

Again, that’s just my situation! Well, it’s also people I know throughout the states and a number of countries (mostly anglophone but I can think of people in South America, Europe, and Asia I can reach out to to ask about their situations). But yeah, I’m not trying to suggest you haven’t weighed these concerns. I’m mostly wondering what is outweighing them for you.

Hiii! Thank you so much for the question, it was very well-worded and got me to reflect a bit!

Honestly, I think a lot of the reason I wanna get this diagnosis (except for my own clarity) is because it's the only way other people take my issues with neurodivergency seriously.

Before I got diagnosed with ADHD, my family would yell at me for my excessive pacing, stims, lack of attention, et cetera. Once I got diagnosed with ADHD, a lot of them tried to either soften a bit and atleast try to be easier on me or actually go out of their way to accommodate me in ways that were very beneficial to me. This also happened with my teachers. They were more willing to repeat instructions and allow me to wear my headphones or bring fidgets in class, which helped a ton for me personally.

Do I think it's right that they only cared about my issues when I had a diagnosis to back it up? No. I think that's terrible :( i wish everyone's problems could be taken seriously even if they aren't neurodivergent or diagnosed as such, but unfortunately, I guess people suck sometimes. However, this kinda ties into my reason for wanting to continue getting this diagnosis.

Even when I got officially diagnosed with ADHD, I still had people neglect my issues rven if they could be easily managed. Comments like "Now you have medication, why are you still fidgeting?" and "That doesn't sound like ADHD." are both pretty common for me to hear unfortunately. A lot of those symptons were ADHD, but the ones that leaned a bit closer to OCD (something my doctors are also discussing for me) and autism were often disregarded for some reason. It felt kinda hypocritical for people to be pointing out that my symptons might also be a sign of autism and yet still not take them seriously. So, I started talking about it with my counselor and she got me set up with a specialist.

Now that autism—and, to a lesser extent, OCD—was on the table officially, people are atleast trying to take that into account when making accommodations or just interacting with me in general. People are slowly starting to not make up bullshit reasons for undermining my symptons as things that "should be erased entirely" by my medicine.

In the long run—like when I inevitably try to move out of America or when I try to apply for jobs—this might screw me over. This might be something that causes my applications to be denied if I add it, but I've decided that it's my best interest to just get it anyway. I want to be able to finish schooling with good grades, and my accommodations help with that a lot. I want to have an explanation for why I am the way I am that people don't dismiss as me just being "weird" or "awkward". I figured that, if I can atleast get through school easier and make it till graduation, i can atleast have that schooling on my resume to fall back on to help with scholarships for uni or college, and then hopefully jobs before i can get enough money to move out.

Again, thank you so much for the question!

TlDr: People didn't take ADHD seriously as an explanation for why I am the way I am but atleast there was a minor improvement upon getting diagnosed, especially in my education, and I want to atleast be able to get through that basic education so that I have a slightly higher chance of getting jobs in the future to move out, even though I know it night be a manor hindrance. I'm already too far deep, anyhow.

[the5n00k]

An observation about TGAMM The End

Big big spoilers ahead, click away if you aren't caught up

This is also my first NEGATIVE TGAMM analysis post! Wowie! So if you don't want to see me bitch, also click off now

The End and how Molly McGee's character was disrespected

The End is. An episode. I have many MANY thoughts about it but it would be far too long to put in one post so I'm going to explore one of my more reoccurring opinions. This episode recontextualized a lot of things but I'm going to talk about how it recontextualized Molly as a character. Most importantly as a MAIN character. A TITLE character. A character with her own past and personality and feelings. All of which this episode completely stomped all over, handed her the check, and said "figure it out"

I want to apologize to my friend who called this so SO much earlier into the series and that he had to listen to me watch this show on lethal amounts of copium. You were right but I knew neither of us wanted you to be.

Now let's get into the meat of it, shall we?

All throughout season 1, Molly's history and relationship with the concept of friends is always treated with complete sincerity and the emotional pause it needs to sink in with the audience that she's been through it. Moving away and leaving friends is why she put so much importance on the "forever home" in the first place because she's had to leave so many people she loved. She had a rocky beginning with Scratch during the early season but quickly became on equal footing with him as they began to understand each other and their boundaries. Because she genuinely cares about him. Similarly, season 2 explores the boundaries of their friendship and shows Scratch more willing to participate in whatever Molly is doing, even begging sometimes to be included. And Molly is very patient and kind with him all throughout trying to help him regain memories of his past. And Scratch actually reciprocated a few times like helping her learn Thai and working with Libby to set her up with Ollie. They're the closest they've ever been and something I can confidently call true best friends, possibly the closest and healthiest friendship I've seen portrayed in media. Season 2 showcases how far either of them are willing to go to help each other.

Then The End happened.

Molly is the same understanding and supportive friend as she had been all season, almost to a fault. She encourages scratch to go back to his life, knowing the risks that come with it. Why did there need to be the risk of forgetting her when his spirit didn't immediately forget his living life? Don't know. Something to do with an unreleased episode although I doubt the rest of season 3 would have sweetened my opinion of this episode. Only she knew he was about to do this, she didn't talk to any of his other friends or family before he went out to Todd's house. They only found out after the fact and the next morning is when he left. None of them had any time to process that they just lost a family member, especially not Molly.

The scene where he's talking to her on the bench breaks my heart. Knowing your friend is no longer there and is replaced with this stranger. So much of this episode would have been fixed to just let him keep his memories. Considering how hard it was to pull his living memories out of his spirit, it's very likely that even the small fragments of her he remembers will slowly fade away. She had to do the one thing she never wanted to do again and repeat the same pain that's plagued her for the entire series. And it sucks! Why doesn't she get a happy ending? Hell, I'm not even convinced this was a "happy ending" for scratch since he can't remember any of the people he just spent the last two years with.

The biggest slap to the face is when Libby, Geoff, and the McGees come up behind Molly and just act like all of this is fine? They're treating scratch like this wild animal that deserved to be released into the wild because he could never fit in with society when he was PERFECTLY HAPPY with the McGees. He proudly displayed to the entire ghost world that he was an "honorary McGee" and told a ghost hunter to his face that him and Molly would do anything for each other despite their differences. Was all of that completely pointless? Because it sure feels that way. He had this entire new "life" he just completely abandoned because oh I guess I'm not really dead. Guess I better go reconnect with my childhood friend I haven't seen in person or had any meaningful conversations with in decades!!! See ya, chumps, hope you weren't attached to me or anything!

It's so disrespectful to the audience's investment in Molly and Scratch's friendship, the themes of friendship overcoming all odds and lasting forever, and Molly as a character. And to a lesser degree, it's even disrespectful to Scratch since most of the season he spent brooding over the fact that he didn't remember his past! Now he's forgotten a large portion of his "life" all over again. Now he's going to have to live with this nagging itch at the back of his mind that he's forgetting something until he manages to completely repress it too. And to rub salt in the wound, the credits don't have near sight nor mention of Molly McGee outside of a painted portrait of her and (spirit) scratch. All this does is tell me a LONG time has passed and neither of them have managed to successfully contact each other. The dream team is gone, this is a story about a girl and a ghost and none of it meant anything.

"he'll remember when he dies again!" Where does it say that

"he didn't forget, he said Moll! That means something!" The longer he spends away from the McGees and Brighton, the more likely he is to completely forget them altogether. The vague memories will eventually fade away and every "forever memory" will be worthless.

"it doesn't matter, this is Scratch's story" then why isn't it called 'scratch and the human girl'? Or 'the scratch show'? Why is Molly a title character if she's nothing but a plot device for his character development.

"Molly had to learn how to say goodbye." No she didn't. She's been doing that her entire life. She's pretty well aware of how to say goodbye. Making her relive 13 years of trauma from the other side of the vehicle doors is not a useful life skill. Pain is not necessary to grow up.

I don't care what the excuse is. This was a terrible ending for both characters and no amount of "he's happy now!" coping from both the fans and the writers is going to get me to see this any other way. If you enjoy the episode, great! I'm happy for you, there's a lot to love in the music and voice acting and breathtaking animation. But none of that could save me from this abysmal attempt at a series finale. I was so viscerally disgusting by this as a finale that I spent a good two days completely nauseous thinking about it. What a disaster. The sad part is I like the story potential! Him reuniting with Adia is what I've wanted for him all season so he could get closure. Molly and Scratch having to say goodbye is heartbreaking but understandable, a lot of shows nowadays end that way and I half expected it. But him completely forgetting the girl he owes his new lease on life to? My gosh it's just a deal breaker. It is such a cruel end for these characters and I cannot wrap my head around why they thought it was a good idea outside of cheap angst.

I wanted to like this episode and I still do. But they just did so much wrong when one thing could change and it would have completely flipped my opinion on the episode and series in general. But what do I know, I'm just a negative nancy.

Anyway idk how to end this off, justice for Molly McGee, Scratch deserved to be called Scratch McGee, kill Todd Mortenson, peace out

[khajiit-reads]

hi khajiit! was wondering if i could have a general encouragement salad for our alter named bull? his pronouns are he/him, and background is he's been feeling a little blue as of late, i'll tell you the details via im because i'm unsure if he's alright with a public display of his feelings. you can still post this publicly! he's okay with references to his issues too. it's just me specifically explaining that i want to be kept private. thank you so much!!

Well met, internet traveler! (I typed that as intervet at first... sigh) I'll be sure to be gentle with what I share, and focus more on the encouragement aspects!

The full set of cards used today are:

Enchanted Blossoms Oracle (Caoimhe, xhe) by Carla Morrow

Botanical Inspirations (Adonis, he/she/they) by Lynn Araujo

You Are Amazing! (Cherie, she) by NGHTMRKT

Creative Consciousness Healing Oracle (Gracian, they/xhe) by Johanna Wright

Hanafuda Cards by... I dunno who produced these actually.

So, for this reading, I'm gonna go over each of them one by one.

We start with Enchanted Blossoms: Protection. It's understandable that you're upset, but now it's time to begin protecting yourself. This doesn't mean act rashly or harshly, but rather it's more time to tend to yourself. Give yourself a bit of extra kindness and protect your heart. You also have people behind you, who see your sadness and want to soothe it, who want to bring you peace. It's time to rely on them now. You may also now be feeling an intense urge to protect yourself from others, of whom mean you no harm. Isolation, being standoffish... it's all understandable. We all sometimes react in harsh ways when we're hurt. Just know that these things are trying to protect you, but they're not going to do so in the kind way you deserve.

Next is Creative Consciousness Healing: Nourish. Hey, you taking care of yourself? You treating yourself with kindness now? Or are you beating yourself down with a metaphorical stick? It's not fair to yourself to not treat yourself with kindness. Eat that good food, take an extra nap, do your self-care and self-kindness routine. Nourish your heart after the heartbreak you've endured. And let others nourish your heart, too.

Botanical Inspirations: Primrose. Your love may be the root of the pain right now, but that love is still so precious. Love for yourself, love for your closest, love for those who aren't your closest but still dear to you. As well, there is so much love for you. You're surrounded by love, and just because things didn't work out this one time, doesn't mean you're loved any less.

You Are Amazing!: I take responsibility for my own happiness, I do not let others have power over me. Yeah, it sucks that your plans didn't work out. It really does. But you gotta hold your head up as much as you can. You can still do that while sad and hurting. You gotta take the steps to feel better, and I know you can do so. You're strong, and you're capable.

Hanafuda: September, Sake Dish. This card is all about community and communication. Maybe rely on the person who this is all about to ask them for comfort. Just because a plan fell through doesn't mean that they don't want to support you still. And even if they can't, you're not alone. You have people behind you who want to support you, who want to raise the metaphorical sake dish and drink a cheers of how much they love you.

Overall, you are so loved. You are so cared for. I know it hurts right now and it kinda just plainly sucks, but it's time to remind yourself that you are loved, that others want to take care of you, that everything will be okay.

Thank you so much for your patience with me performing this reading.

Reviews are helpful, but optional. You can send them in replies, my ask box, or reblogging this post. Feel free to reblog this post with your thoughts in general, or without a review! You can also reblog my guidelines post if you like. If you feel particularly satisfied with my work, you may leave a tip in my Ko-fi.

Please do not reblog this post if you are not the querent. If you want something to reblog, please reblog my guidelines post. If there’s something within the post you want, you may ask, and depending on the request, I might fulfill it! Thank you!

I hope you, and all readers, have a wonderful day!

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

The Kokichi treatment talk

Kai: god the everything ever always makes Kokichi seem much more vile than he even depicts himself sometimes it actually lowkey pisses me off how aggressive this shit is towards him- we get it he's trying to trick people into thinking he's evil- you can stop making it worse he does plenty on his own

Sayakxami: Frankly, they treat him like garbage even before he does anything actually wrong Like, sure, he's an asshole, but that doesn't warrant the reactions they have whenever he does anything, really. Or not helping him out when he's literally bleeding from his head & has clear signs of concussion

Kai: is cause he lied about things that have literally no affect on any of them? Tenko is much more actively assholy that Kokichi is and people don't villainize her

Sayakxami: I've read some theories that maybe in that first flashback light there was something that made everybody dislike him from the get go She's genuinely awful to all male characters, and she's extremely weird about Himiko. I could never forget that spit comment Most of his goddamn lies is literally called "joking"

Kai: that's bullshit, i think the writers just wanted us to hate Kokichi and jumped the gun on when to actually start it i wouldn't hold my breath about it being intentionally sneeky writing, sometimes this crew just sucks at writing something something occam's razor

Clown: They definitely treat him irrationally badly sometimes, yeah. The best explanation I can give is that ouma is a remarkably easy scapegoat. Ya know, killing game, stress, fear for their lives, one single guy who is considerably annoying. It's easier for them to direct their distaste to the closest option. I do really like that one scene with rantaro after the death road of despair. At that point ouma had done literally nothing wrong, but Rantaro as a person is paranoid as all hell, so when he accuses him of going straight for murder it makes sense. The fact that ouma doesn't do anything to deny it already plants that seed of distrust in everyone

me: The set up is there though, Tsumugi makes comments about him already in chapter 2. But he also deliberately pulled their frustration with Kaede onto himself the morning after the death road, that was a very effective provocation, making them feel for Kaede and unite against him. Earlier it can be said that Rantaro was just snappy because of the stress, but the result impacted the group's impression of Kokichi, and so did this. His behavior alarmed them so much more because it Had To Do with the killing game, addressing the situation, and I know it's not nice to hear, but also because he's a guy. Just straight up, the standards are very different. Unusual behavior is much more likely to be seen as threatening and disruptive because he's a boy. Girls are just weird sometimes, they're annoying, but they can be ignored, Tenko throwing people can be a bit, it's just her emotional impulsive girly thing, it's not actual danger, but when that boy walks in everybody holds their breath, what shit will he start this time? His words matter unlike Miu's who they realized is a crazy girl on first impression and she just says things, he must be full of intent and schemes. And we could go on and on if we combed through canon material, because there is a lot of things that are taken lightly in-universe (and sometimes as a result by fandom too) because it's just girls, in skirts, silly

Kai: okay, they may have tried to set it up but it's not well done, it's really badly done and the point i was making is there is no actual in game excuse for them hating him right off the bat because of how poorly they handled the setup. set up does not match the reactions. and "they're girls, there's different standards" isn't an excuse for bad writing, actually that emphasizes a whole different issue with ronpa as a whole, but it isn't the focus of what we were talking about. also the girls aren't the only ones who get away with being really nasty in a killing game with no concerns while Kokichi breathing wrong gets him shunned

Sayaxami: I've always got the impression that it was sort of the point if poorly handled That their treatment of Ouma was awful, because they weren't really as good as they believed themselves to be And tbh I do think that everybody's treatment of Ouma greatly contributed to him following with his fake mastermind plan It cut off his other options, because he could not count on anybody. Obviously, his paranoia was there and was definitely a big contributor, but he was isolated and treated in a way that signalized that nobody would have cared if he died. He's supposed to be a leader, but he can't make these people work with him without using some underhanded methods or going about it an extremely roundabout way. He couldn't act without anybody assuming the worst of him, and that also limited his movements. He was forced into a corner, so he weaponized that, because it was the only thing he could still do

me: don't get me wrong, I did mean it as, the bad writing in dr is mostly rooted in bigoted ideas such as sexism, and I'd be more leaning towards belief that they intended shit that falls flat in our eyes than do something like that thoughtlessly, they don't treat any topic delicately so they're not afraid of reaching for low hanging fruits sometimes to reach the goals, but I wouldn't say it goes as far as to bare author's will in character's actions, we can find it when analysing it, but generally you can see in-universe explanations first or at least just as fast if you try, like, if you won't generalize and look at characters individually reacting, taking in each other's reactions and forming opinions and their personalities, it'll be clear that not all of them were this negative towards Kokichi and it made sense for the ones who were to be because they're righteous/reactionary/paranoid themselves etc

Sayakxami: All of that, tbh It's just that most people who were neutral/okayish with him died off early on Rantaro was distrustful of everybody, so nothing special Kaede wanted everybody to get along Ryouma was pretty neutral for obvious reasons tbh Kirumi was also pretty neutral, though she didn't like him calling her mom & was angry when he explained how she was trying to get somebody to take her place for execution, but aside from that there wasn't much Angie, I don't recall them having much of a relationship, so mostly neutral + she would've wanted everybody to join the students council & get along so Chabashira is awful to all men so nothing special here Korekiyo… I don't remember tbh, I seem to recall him being not much of a fan ngl, but Korekiyo's a bag of issues I don't feel like unpacking rn Miu and Kokichi were friends/partners up until she betrayed him by planning hisi death, which came from her paranoia & hopelessness rather than her hating him or something Gonta was everybody's friend, though he was a little more distrustful of Kokichi after the Insect Meet&Greet, but he still cared about him Most people were definitely annoyed with him, I have no doubts, but it wasn't that everybody despised him for existing, it's just that the people who were the most against him were the Training Trio and Tsumugi. Kiibou was still trying to reason with him in chapter 5 post mastermind reveal, and Himiko also seemed kinda whatever, but at the very least she didn't want kaito to kill him, so always something

[toastylycan]

Guys. Guys. Please. Fucking hell. I'm going insane. What the fuck man. All of these arts. And y'all are just?? Liking it?? Look at this. Do y'all know how likes barely effect a post's popularity?? And how reblogs actually increase the amount of people looking at a post?? And make it last longer for weeks after its initial popularity??? Sometimes years if it gets reblogged enough??

Guys please this is so bad please learn to reblog posts I'm gonna cry for these artists. The ones in darkmode are from like. The "Top" section in the forsaken tag. The one in white is from an artist who's art I really like. Please reblog art this looks so sad to look at. I'm making this post with the Forsaken tag because it's the one I'm most ''active'' in at the moment. But this would generally apply to any art and posts on tumblr

Some tips under the cut I guess, it's very big:

You can make 'comments' in the tags. That's normal for Tumblr, please do not be afraid to ramble on about in the tags when you're rebloging. The actual comments are nice but it just doesn't have the same vibes as seeing someone's tags about something they reblogged. I need to make a more comprehensive version of this one day but please. Just try it. Tags of the people you reblog from don't appear on your reblog!! That's why it's good!! Unless you do the prev thing. Which I would recommend to copy the previous person's tag and add "

Tumblr usually cuts up tags with the comma. So some users use. The period. In place of it!! Also dont use actual quotation marks (") it also cuts up tags with that. Use two apostrophes (') instead

So one thing I noticed is that. Community posts. Can't be reblogged. I want to show this cool art on my blog, but since this post is only in the community, I cannot show it off, especially to those NOT in the community. If you are making art (generally just a post) with the intent of like. Having others not in the community see it (WHICH IS AN OK AND DECENT THING. ESPECIALLY ON TUMBLR). Please make the posts normally (and tag it well!), and then reblog it to the community if you want those in the community to see it too!! And if you want to reblog a reblogged post in a community just go to the person's blog and find the original post!

Some artists I noticed mistag some posts. Tagging a character that doesn't appear at all or isn't even mildy referenced. People scour trough tags to look at a character or something they like. Please do not mistag a post as 1. This ruins the categorization tumblr's tags have 2. You can be reported for "spam" if you do it too many times. (scary!) 3. It will frustrate some people when they're looking for x character, find a post with y character, and not see x character at all. its not limited to characters btw. I'm just using them as an example, it also helps to block tags! There's a reason why categorization is important! So posts with a tag you don't like (and have blocked) stay blocked! Have it mistagged and risk those with a blocked tag not see it! (mistagging also applies to other types or censors. Like leet speak. Don't use that when tagging something. this is Tumblr. Say the uncensored word.)

There's like. A bunch of guides on tumblr for tumblr for like, Twitter, tiktok and new users, please try to find those. They explain stuff better than me. I just made this post because I'm frustrated AT ALL THESE LIKES WITH LITTLE REBLOGS. I feel Iike these artists aren't getting appreciated like they should've tumblr style. If you've been here for a year or two. good for you, or condolences, depends on how you see it, but you're still relatively new compared to some blogs

Also don't use the "For you" page on Tumblr it's sucks a lot. go use the "following" page for your dashboard(aka feed or whatever it's called on other websites) and change your settings to show posts chronologically from those you follow. Curate your own experience and stuff. Comment in the tags.

I've been using Tumblr for a long time now please don't be afraid to ask me questions about rebloging and other Tumblr stuff. I think anons on my blog are on. Im open to teach stuff about it. Since I know this post isn't that comprehensive compared to others

[davekat-sucks]

"You can still think he is bi and ship him with whatever girl you like. Fuck what the fandom thinks. Just do what you like." Another banger from davekat-sucks. Sometimes I feel like you're the most sane person in this fandom, I swear to god. Unpopular opinion on Dirk's sexuality and identity: He canonically does not like to label himself. It's in the comic and in his own words. People can cite him saying that he felt like Jake was the only option and Roxy calling him the gayest man in the universe or whatever, but neither of these things means that the man is 100% homosexual. Maybe he felt like Jake was the only option because Jake was just plain the only one he felt a romantic attraction to. Maybe sometimes friends say shit like "you're the gayest person ever" as, like, a joke, or maybe it could have been wishful thinking on Roxy's part since him not being gay might make his rejection of her hurt more. I don't know. It's never explicitly stated. Isn't it possible that Dirk is homoflexible, or maybe even pan? I just don't get people being mad because someone wants to imagine Dirk and Jade kiss or something. It's also funny to see people being all about headcanoning him as transfem/genderqueer or turning him into the daintiest sluttiest girliest twink of all time while pissing their pants about stuff like this. Isn't hypermasculinity and being a man a big part of who he is? Why is making him a woman/feminine okay, while making him hold hands with Kanaya or something is a homophobic hate crime? If we're playing in this space, is it not a little hypocritical? If shipping him with a woman is homophobic why isn't it homophobic to make "the only canonically gay man" into a girl or a flamboyant stereotype? On a smaller note, I know that you've talked about this before, but the same people who freak out about this stuff are the people who totally erase Dave's identity as a bisexual man and say that he's completely gay. He's expressed interest in women (an understatement), and he's dated them. I'm starting to think that people just hate bi men. I want to understand the logic that these people are using.

Yep, Dirk did say that when speaking with Roxy.

Another reason for him to say this as well is to try and remind the readers that both Roxy and Dirk are in an apocalyptic setting that caring about terms of sexuality, is pointless if they don't want to be dead. The world has gone to shit, so things like that don't mean anything anymore. I bet Hussie was trying to point that out when the fandom would only talk about the kids' sexuality despite the bigger shit going on in the plot, but sadly, it was lost on readers back then. Part of Dirk being masculine is also in part because he looks up to Alpha Bro, DAVE STRIDER. If people want to blame anyone for making Dirk manly, blame Dave himself or another version of himself, for only portraying himself as this that Dirk thinks it is right to try be in that same standards. People had blamed Bro for this with Dave, so why don't we do the same for Dirk and Alpha Dave? The fandom stereotyping Dirk into the stereotypical effeminate gay guy, is hilarious when they are the same people that bitch about being in other media. They want their supposed LGBT rep to be taken seriously and not used for a joke. And yet they would apply it to other characters that don't act like this in different series. At this point, what more do these fucking people want? Another is that most of the fandom probably wants to have that 'gay best friend' because they think they can be cool with them and also have them as their excuse of why they aren't homophobic this or that. Kind of like how claiming to have a POC friend doesn't make you racist. The Homestuck fandom, or fandoms in general in this modern time, just hate bisexuals in general. Any sign of straight couples from character(s) that are comfortable in both sexes, pisses people off. Some claiming that two persons of same sex being close only for not to end up together, is queerbait. Whether or not evidence was there in the first place. I even recalled the Steven Universe fandom was livid when they heard Rebecca Sugar, the creator herself, was bisexual. People assume she was lesbian because of the TV show she created. The thought of her still liking guys infuriated them. At that point, I wonder what does the B in LGBT means if said people who claim to be all supportive for LGBT, hate bisexual relationships. Just because a bisexual person chooses to be with someone of their opposite sex, doesn't mean it automatically means they are straight and can't go back to bisexual. It's ridiculous. That kind of one way street thinking is stupid.

[not-poignant]

I'm rereading utb and while i def understand and agree with ef being held accountable for things, at the same time, it seems like everyone is constantly acting as if he's supposed to know how to have a healthy relationship and to cope with his emotions, much less his trauma, without anyone actually explaining or modeling this

Like, everyone constantly brings up the fact that he tried to kill Kadek even once they've acknowledged why and gary is starting a relationship with him while also essentially his prison warden and with how little ef has experienced in the world, especially as a psychologist, gary still not doing anything to help him get better coping skills makes it feel like he's setting him up to fail

Like, temsen is technically correct that ef domestically abused gary but he has literally never seen a non abusive partnership and is literally a prisoner in his current one

Idk, I really love this fic so, so much and thank you for writing it and i don't even need a response or anything, I just get defensive of ef when I'm reading sometimes bc he's trying so, so hard basically all the time and it seems like people acknowledge it sometimes in the moment but then don't give him the tools to make it any easier

Answering this one publicly because I know you're not the only one who feels this way or has felt this way!

Okay firstly, some of this conflict I'm evoking in the reader is intentional. I want people to feel defensive of Efnisien. I want people to think 'hey, hang on a minute.' There's a lot of reasons I want that, including the fact that in reality, most people don't recover from being abusive even after they've been in horrifically abusive situations in a vacuum (i.e. the whole world doesn't suddenly stop and become soft as cotton wool just because you've been abused! If you go and interview a whole bunch of people in jail right now, a lot of those folks (especially those who have done repeated serious crimes) will have experienced horrendous and incredibly unfair amounts of abuse, y'know? It's complicated. Yes, they have a right to heal and a right to support. Some of them probably did some pretty awful crimes as well. *coughs*serial killers*coughs*)

Obviously Efnisien is nowhere near that level, but the dissonance remains. He's certainly tried to murder more than one person. But we root for the person whose perspective we're reading. Still, people do not heal in a comfortable vacuum. In fact, most people are asked to be accountable for bad behaviour usually while suffering terribly. Because most people - unless they're certain kinds of extremely rare people - do bad behaviour because they don't know better and/or they're suffering intensely and it can momentarily feel good or satisfying to make other people hurt too.

That's an extremely hard process for the folks who are in that situation. Anyone who has had to recognise they're being a bully, or being abusive, usually goes through a period of time where they can't just immediately change, and what's expected of them seems impossible.

Now to everything else:

This world is a dystopia. There are things happening which aren't going to feel good when you're reading - systemic issues, issues around unfairness - because it's a dystopia. If those things weren't happening, and people just felt blithely comfortable with the entire world, well, that's not actually what I'm going for. There are times it should feel extremely disturbing to read.

So there are times I want readers to feel like things are unfair. There are times I want them to feel very strongly in one person's defense and only later realise the other person was hurt too. There are times I want them to feel like everyone is being unfair to a character. And times when I want folks to feel like the situation just sucks all round. Like, my intention in amongst the hurt/comfort isn't for things to feel easy or nice all the time, I am absolutely challenging the reader by introducing things that feel uncomfortable.

So when folks like yourself tell me this stuff it's like - yeah! It's a dystopia! And - yeah! Unfair things are definitely happening. This is especially true in the beginning when no one really has a concept of how bad things have been for Efnisien, or that he's an alpha. It remains true because no one is perfect. But it happens less often, that's what makes it feel more jarring as the story goes on. If you're rereading it's going to feel worse in the beginning, that's on purpose. The story is doing its job.

it seems like everyone is constantly acting as if he's supposed to know how to have a healthy relationship and to cope with his emotions

I don't really know what scenes you're specifically referring to here (like, just the first few chapters? The whole story? Temsen's single lecture?), but this is absolutely not the case. I'm going to look at the whole story:

The majority of the time that Efnisien is rude and disrespectful, especially once Efnisien and Gary are living together, Gary mostly ignores him, brushes it off, doesn't react or responds like it's normal dialogue lol. He's not constantly correcting his behaviour and he's not constantly like 'hey rephrase that to be polite' or 'I have feelings too' (maybe he should say the latter sometimes).

Gary is more aware than anyone that he shouldn't be Efnisien's guardian and that he's not a companion. He says this, out loud, to several people, several times. So we know that he knows that the situation isn't great / fair re: Efnisien's care (and frankly his own. Of the two of them, Gary's the one who keeps coming close to potentially dying from the other person's actions).

especially as a psychologist, gary still not doing anything to help him get better coping skills makes it feel like he's setting him up to fail

Gary is not Efnisien's psychologist. And psychologists are not doing their jobs on absolutely everyone, 24/7! This one is so important to remember (both in real life and sometimes in fiction). He's categorically not Efnisien's psychologist and it would be even more toxic if he attempted to be this if they were living together!

Gary being a psychologist is his job in the same way being an artist is a job, it's not specifically relevant to their relationship, except that Gary sometimes has better understanding of the root/s of some behaviours.

Ask any psychologist how they live at home and most of them do not want anything to do with their psychology jobs in their personal life, because they're mentally fatigued/tired from talking to people all day. They are not perfect people, they don't have perfect control over their emotions, they aren't teaching everyone the coping mechanisms they need to survive (this takes a lot of labour! It's exhausting! People can't do that 24 hours a day and stay sane. It gets toxic fast.)

The majority of the time Efnisien has extreme emotional responses, Gary just tends to absorb them, acknowledge them, or actively care for him. It's easy to miss these moments because I'm usually not making you feel conflicted about it.

The times Efnisien has extreme emotional responses and then chooses to repeatedly hurt Gary, there are often extreme emotional responses that follow because you know, that's what Efnisien was aiming for! He was trying to severely hurt someone!

Let's move onto Temsen and Efnisien, because this might be more of what you're thinking of, since Gary almost never holds Efnisien accountable tbh. Temsen is a doctor, and a peak alpha who is a leading educator in academic omega rights and theory. He is the first to deeply understand how young alphas left to get away with their smaller abusive behaviours are the kind of alphas who grow up into rapists, murderers and torturers like Christian in Underline the Blue.

(I just want to add, Christian's own abuse and PTSD is real, I don't think any of us are rushing to hold his hand and pat his head, because we sympathise with Nate more than Christian. But Christian has real pain, and real suffering too. He's a great example of how 'you're still accountable for your behaviour though' at its most extreme).

So, Temsen sees Efnisien's behaviour and he lectures and shuts him down like he would any young alpha who is on a really dangerous path. Even within that, he acknowledges himself - out loud - that it's a complicated situation and the time he comes down on Efnisien the hardest, he says the timing is poor. The majority of the time, he shows Efnisien compassion and care, and listens to his opinions, even when they disagree. He is the first to validate his gender both repeatedly in words, and in hormone and medical support. He's the first to change his approach to Efnisien's medical care when Efnisien calls out his lack of respecting his right to privacy, and he's the first to correct Gary about it when Gary expects Temsen to keep giving him information. He offers pragmatic, compassionate advice about many sensitive subjects in Efnisien's life, his health, his secondary gender, his nesting behaviours. And I would say this is how Temsen actually models better behaviour.

Temsen doesn't expect Efnisien to have all of these skills, but Efnisien has to be told what he's doing wrong and how that's not acceptable behaviour and how he's hurting people, to start learning those skills! Otherwise why would anyone bother? Vindictively hurting other people in moments of rage can feel satisfying for folks who aren't being held accountable.

You say no one is modelling better behaviour to Efnisien so I'm just going to pose some questions that are rhetorical:

How many alphas at HIllview are mounting or torturing Efnisien every day? Does Efnisien have choices in what he eats? Is Efnisien's opinion listened to more and more, especially in matters of his health? Do they care about his pain and offer him painkillers when he's suffering? Are the characters in the story trying to enrich his experiences and help him to become a more mature person by helping him overcome his fears of things like going outside? Are the characters deliberately trying to expand his support network by helping him see new people and lean on them for help, instead of keeping him in a box and forbidding him from seeing anyone? While also taking into account the safety of others?

Are the characters largely gender affirming once they learn more about Efnisien?

Are the characters actively teaching Efnisien social sciences to help him understand more about the world and human rights, which includes his own rights?

Do the characters acknowledge that Hillview isn't an ideal place for Efnisien, just a good place for now?

Do the characters want Efnisien to have a future where he's happier?

Do the characters allow Efnisien to have his emotional responses as long as they're not also abusive responses? For example, is Efnisien allowed to cry, nest, seek comfort, or even be angry, provided he's not being domestically violent? (The answer is yes).

Do the characters to the best of their ability explain things clearly and maintain their own boundaries around Efnisien to remind him that he can also maintain his own boundaries?

Are Efnisien's wishes largely respected where possible? (The answer here is also yes - such as refusing internal exams with Temsen, or having control over what he does most days and how he spends his time etc.)

Can Efnisien see lots of examples of people talking civilly to each other and often with great care, and not being abusive to each other? Can he see alternative forms of conflict resolution, management and repair?

Is Efnisien offered opportunities to repair rifts that he's created himself, after being cruel to someone?

This is just a start, but these people through these behaviours are already role-modelling a ton of better behaviours than anything Efnisien has been exposed to in the past. And we can see that Gary himself role models a lot of these things to Efnisien directly, including apologising frequently and quickly when he realises he's made mistakes. This is how Efnisien learned to apologise! And he literally has thoughts like 'Gary does this / so I guess I should do it too.' That's literally role modelling a behaviour :D

Gary's actually a pretty good role model, and the only reason Efnisien's behaviour starts to improve at Hillview as well as his quality of life is because Gary and Temsen are role modelling these behaviours.

Like, temsen is technically correct that ef domestically abused gary but he has literally never seen a non abusive partnership and is literally a prisoner in his current one

Efnisien isn't literally a prisoner in his current relationship!

I feel like when folks identify really strongly with a character, it's very easy to miss the times when Gary and Temsen for example brainstorm ways for Efnisien not to live with Gary. Aside from at the very beginning, these characters have actually talked about - in the story, in dialogue - options for Efnisien to not live with Gary.

Like they literally talk about making Efnisien a new room in the headquarters and possibly even building him his own building down the track so he doesn't have to be with Gary! As they trust Efnisien more, they offer many options to him. As the story goes on, they are absolutely not forcing Efnisien to stay with Gary, and nor is Gary. Efnisien himself communicates clearly that he would rather live with Gary than be on his own. This is something that gets checked in on, and more than one option is given to him.

Missing this is understandable, it's a long story, but it also means it's not true that Efnisien is a prisoner in that he's being forced to live with Gary. That's only true in the beginning when they literally think he's just a murderer/attempted murderer who's going to kill everyone at Hillview. As the story progresses, it shifts to 'well he's not a murderer, what are his other options?'

Can Efnisien live a free life wherever he wants? No. That's where the 'dystopian universe' tag comes in. He's not safe to, but Hillview staff wouldn't be concerned with educating him and teaching him independence if they didn't want him to live as independently as possible one day. It's not like Gary has to try to get Efnisien comfortable with going outside and experiencing the outside world, and it's not like he has to encourage Efnisien to meet omegas and betas etc. to hear different opinions, y'know?

But yeah the role modelling is happening: Efnisien's showing more and more tools in coping all the time! He's been growing them since the beginning of the fic. He's learned to communicate better. He's learned how to articulate what he wants and doesn't want more clearly. He's learned how to care more for others even if he often misses that he has the power to really hurt them. He's learned more (not less) confidence. He's having less (not more) trauma responses. He's learned how to trust in the people around him more, so he's starting to talk more about his experiences of gender. He's learned that what he went through was wrong, and is sharing more about the abuse he suffered.

These things would not be happening in a story where people weren't giving him the tools to cope with his life or weren't showing him ways to communicate differently.

The reason Efnisien talks more clearly and articulately now in the story, the reason he laughs more, cries more (which is more open/honest imho and healthier than repressing it), talks more, talks about his past more, expresses his opinion more is because Hillview has been equipping him with more tools to live a richer life pretty much as soon as they realised he's not going to just murder people at the drop of a hat.

In some ways they're showing more trust than our society would because like, attempted murder could land him in jail for a while in our society, y'know?

The reason they haven't paired him with an actual psychologist is that they don't have any peak alpha psychologists and Efnisien can use alpha persuasion on anyone else, and would certainly get angry enough in therapy to use it. We only need to look at how Efnisien responded to Dr Gary in Falling Falling Stars sometimes in therapy sessions to see that yes, this is a guy who - if he had the tool of alpha persuasion - would absolutely use it to get a therapist to shut the fuck up when he felt like it, lol.

But yeah, as always, if folks are feeling really uncomfortable when reading something I've written, it's often intentional. You're right, Efnisien's situation is unfair. A few of the specifics you've brought up aren't true, and have missed things in the story, but it's still not a fair experience, it's not always a pleasant experience, and it's...pretty dystopian!

When we get really deep into our emotional connection to a character, it can still help to remember that the situation often isn't exactly the same as it feels. But this story also has the tags: darkfic / disturbing themes / dystopian universe for a reason! The visceral discomfort is a feature, not a bug.

[virtuouswhitehatorganization]

Why Helluva Boss Fails Where Villainous Succeeds At Making A Morally Grey World Questions The Moral Spectrum

I think what makes Helluva Boss fail at it's depiction of a morally grey world where things aren't as traditionally defined by good and evil is that the biggest thing it's supposed to be in hell. While Vivziepop claims she wants to reclaim hell, she also wants to make it a place of torment where the worst goes. The series implies that it's heaven having strict standards but on the other end we do see the types of sinners that populate it. Also another thing that makes it fail is that instead of showing moral grayness they just make apologies for character flaws that protagonists like Stolas and Blitzo have. While we are supposed to see them as complex, the same can't be said for antagonists who are clearly made to be one dimensional like Stella and Striker. The former is made into a stereotypical bitchy, abusive wife who is getting in between Stolas' happiness, while Striker is derailed into being labeled a supremacist when he really has a point about how corrupt the system in hell is.

There is also the fact that certain moral greyness doesn't make sense when you think about the fact that the Sins like Beelzebub and Asmodeus which call for moderation and consent which makes them seem counter to their sins. While it's supposed to supposedly give them moral greyness, it just completely misses the point of sins which is unlimited hedonism not matter what the cost. Also it doesn't help you can blatantly see which ones are Viv's favorites and as a result they get the sympathetic treatment that colors their portrayal. And from the leaks we see Lucifer is also getting neutered so that heaven looks worse than him including Adam who is supposed to be the first man but is depicted as sexist and enjoying slaughtering sinners. Again in that instant all that moral greyness is just bs and we know what side is really getting that fake greyness which is hell because she has a misguided idea that they can reclaim it for themselves. By making things too nice, it's obvious she really isn't making it hell but just some fantasy land with inconsistencies which sucks.

This is where I think Villainous succeeds because it plays around with the superhero genre which is ripe for looking at what is considered wrong or right. The premise is that superheroes are hunted by an organization that helps villains defeat heroes. The premise instead of trying to apologize that they are not so bad reminds us they are villains and can be ruthless. If you see all the stuff in the orientations, commercials, and other materials you can see the characters except 505 have even killed people. However, even with the characters not being good you can't help but love them because of the fact they are people with feeling while still being evil. You do feel a certain closeness with each other that prevents them from being totally unlikable.

Also the setting just being in the mortal world with villains and heroes doesn't have to adhere to the standard of hell which is how far can you go to make it still be hell. Nope, it's in a superhero world where supers are focused more on fame, fortune, and clout rather than helping people. They are even shown sometimes not to be so different than the villains with many of them having complex and sympathetic backgrounds. The true pure evil being is Black Hat who unlike how the great demon lords in Helluva Boss is blatantly shown as unrepentant and has no qualms about being depraved. He truly lives up to his image of being the embodiment of evil unlike Beezlebub and Asmodeus. While you can make Demencia and Flug sympathetic, you can't with Black Hat since that would go against his image of being the master of supreme evil.

Overall, I do think Vivziepop could take some notes how to really make a grey moral setting actually be grey. It can help her with her work.

[zarekthelordofthefries]

I think Dot And Bubble kinda sucks. There's individual parts I like in concept, I see why it works for people, but it's way less than the sum of its parts, it doesn't come together well.

I like the idea of the ending. It's taking a big swing at big themes, the last scene is genuinely pretty chilling, and it's set up well through little moments throughout the rest of the episode.

But god does it fall flat to have the episode switch to a big discussion on racism after 50 minutes of "it's because you be on that samn phone."

I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt, like "oh this recontextualizes it, maybe the Bubble isn't about social media per se, it's a metaphor for the racist social bubble the characters keep themselves in," but...I really don't think that holds up to scrutiny. It is absolutely a you be on that phone episode. It's what most of the comedy of the episode stems from. Lindy can't WALK without her phone telling her where to go. It's not subtle.

At first I thought they were doing interesting things with Lindy being flawed but sympathetic. Like, when she first sees the monsters and tries to go back to work and ignore it because she's terrified, I thought they were like...saying something there. Like she uses distraction by social media as a shield from The Horrors, as we all do sometimes. But as the episode goes on it became more and more clear we aren't supposed to sympathize with Lindy. She is a bad person in a completely unambiguous way. Which I think really undercuts the tragedy of the ending! Like, why should I be sad about the Doctor being unable to save these racists if their racism really Is their defining trait as people? If they're swlfish and stupid and have no other qualities as people? You can't play the ending for tragedy when I WANT them to get eaten by the slugs.

I saw someone say part of the idea is that the Dot grows to hate them BECAUSE they're racist, but that isn't supported at all by the events. It hates them because they be on that phone. It thinks they're vapid and annoying like we're supposed to. Why would it even think they're racist? They're ALL WHITE. What opportunities does the Dot have to see them being racist if they live in a completely racially segregated community where all their media engagement is with each other?

And it sucks because I like the idea of this premise! I like the idea of an episode where the Doctor is trying to save people who don't want him, specifically, to save them, because they're racist. You can do things with that! You can explore that, have commentary on it! Have the Doctor struggle with it! But to just shove that theme into the last five minutes of a shitty Black Mirror episode, just have it swing in at the end and not even give the Doctor DIALOGUE to react to it, just him laughing and screaming in exasperation (great performance by Ncuti Gatwa to be clear), it's like...the scene works fine in isolation, it is emotionally affecting, but you could have done so much more with it. I want the episode to actually be ABOUT racism, not be about how nobody talks to each other in person anymore read a book you damn kids oh and also racism is a brain poison byeeee.

All that and also the episode is so badly paced. They agonize over the twist that the slugs are killing them alphabetically for SO LONG and it's NOT INTERESTING. If it's unintentional it's bad writing. If it's an intentional choice to make Lindy seem as stupid and annoying as possible for needing it explained to her over and over, it's still bad writing because they've been making jokes about that the whole time already, and it's not even interesting characterization that contributes to her story.

So yeah. Saw people predict this one would be the first stinker of the season and they were right but not for reasons I could have possibly predicted. Dot and Bubble reminds me of Kerblam in that it is fascinatingly bad. I want to dissect it in a laboratory.

[coolfire333]

Gender venting/introspection posting

Something about being online (therefore being faceless/voiceless) gives me a certain ambiguous gender that I'll never achieve irl. I cannot medically transition because I don't want to fully masculinize myself and therefore give up any chance of being able to be read as female when I want to be but that also means I straight up don't pass as male.

I mean when in really heavily dysphoric boymode I bind and try to wear masculine clothes, plus my hair is shorter now, but I honestly still probably just look like a tomboy girl.

There aren't really clothes that are "forbidden" for girls to wear (for example if a man wears a dress it immediately brings up a question of gender and "correct" presentation whereas a woman wearing a suit is nearly normalized) so I cannot wear something that immediately signals to people like "hey I just look like a woman but I am a man" which just sucks

I just cannot explain my gender to people because yeah I'm not exactly cis because I'm bigender but I'm not really trans either because I'm still a girl and on top of that I'm not transitioning medically so I'm not going anywhere.

Yeah I have two different name and pronoun sets but nobody has any idea when I want one to be used over the other unless I directly tell them (again going back to the point that there aren't "boy clothes" that are "forbidden" for girls to wear so much as there are "girl clothes" that are "forbidden" for boys to wear)

People who don't medically transition are a-ok to me but my attitude towards myself is just...I'm not even fully changing my name or pronouns I'm just kinda like...adding stuff on top of what's already there and maybe slightly changing the way I dress but to me it's hardly anything compared to my friends who are "full-on trans" (binary trans and nonbinary trans) and have changed socially speaking, even if it is just their pronouns that have changed.

I dunno, more people in my friend group have been coming out of the closet as trans and that encourages me to come out as bigender, but at the same time there's just this sinking feeling that people will just not understand me. I don't even fully understand myself and my own sometimes-here-sometimes-gone dysphoria and explaining it to others feels like I'm just begging to be made fun of.

There's also the special kind of torment of not being either male or female...like I'm very happy for my (binary) friends but at the same time there's probably gonna be a point where it's like "wow you are so (gender)" that they'll achieve presentation-wise that just isn't possible for me. At least that'll probably happen to my nonbinary friends too so maybe I can sympathise with them there but man that doesn't make the situation any easier.

Like man if I could just physically change my body back and forth between male and female that'd be great but my worst feelings are telling me that nobody is ever gonna really see me as a real man and when they call me "he" and by my male name they're just humoring some kind of strange delusion I have.

I dunno it's also kind of disheartening because my mom keeps misgendering (in private) my explicitly-trans friends with a singular name and pronoun set and then kind of being like "oops sorry I'm just not used to the new name!"

Like I get it that change is hard when you've known someone a certain way for like forever but it just takes continuous practice like??? Just come on man I love my mom and she's a decent ally in the whole "whatever makes you happy/it's none of my business/people should be allowed to do whatever" sense but please.

Like yesterday she tried comparing it to her favorite sports team changing names and the fact that she still calls them by their old name sometimes but 1. that's not comparable to literally deadnaming/misgendering someone even if it is accidental and 2. SHE LITERALLY CALLS THE SPORTS TEAM BY ITS NEW NAME MORE TIMES THAN SHE CORRECTLY ADDRESSES MULTIPLE OF MY FRIENDS.

Literally have never heard her use the correct name or pronouns for multiple people even once yet it's easier for her to do this when a place/company/brand changes branding like oh my god. Like ok yeah she's old and this is new to her but my god she'll literally get confused about "which way" a fully-out person identifies even if she's never known them before they changed names and/or pronouns.

And I don't even want to know what my dad's views on trans/gnc people are because from what I've seen he's not like a conservative bigot but he really is an ignorant jerk about anyone who isn't perfectly gender-conforming and he'll say the rudest things about anyone who "isn't normal"

Ughhh I just want to crawl back into the closet even further every time this happens like I just do not understand and it's really starting to piss me off.