#it still meant something to her to realize she could fall in love after being widowed it was a very universal middle aged story

[cosmicrhetoric]

im realizing all cult classic sitcoms from the 80s and 90s had a Surprisingly Supportive season one gay episode but you know the one from golden girls was really sweet

[celestie0]

gojo satoru x reader | college au [18+]

kickoff ch.7 to lose someone you love

ᰔ pairing. college au - soccer player! gojo x film major! reader

ᰔ summary. gojo satoru is the most popular guy on your college campus. he's tall, funny, hot, not to mention he's the most talented soccer forward the school has seen in years. but he's also a frat dude, which puts him in a world very different from your own, as he spends most of his nights partying & drinking while you spend most of yours working on your annoying film major assignments. but when he reaches out to you for a favor, you realize that helping him out might have something in it for you too.

ᰔ warnings/tags. 18+, fem reader, fluff, angst, smut, college au, fraternities, sororities, partying, drinking/alcohol, mentions of weed, romance, jealousy, pining, slow burn, opposites to lovers, friends to lovers, she falls first he falls harder, gojo being an idiot

ᰔ chapter. 7/x (probably 12)

ᰔ words. 8.5k

a/n. sighhh i'm rly sorry for the wait. and thank you sooo much to the love for the last chapter omg :') this chapter is gojo pov and it's a bit different than the rest, but i still hope you enjoy and that it was worth the wait. if there are typos, they're not typos they're actually 100% intentional and you are the silly one

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When Gojo was just four years old, he called for the paramedics for the very first time. 

He had wandered around the house, wide and innocent blue eyes searching the room for the landline in the dim light of the evening, his lip quivering in a pout. His small arm reached up to pet around at the top of his parents’ dresser before his fingers wrapped around the phone. He couldn’t remember what the number was at first, the one his mother always told him to call in case of an emergency, but he remembered he scribbled it down somewhere with red crayon in one of his coloring books. By the time Gojo first realized he needed to call for help, located the landline, looked through all of his little portraits of dinosaurs and spaceships sprawled across the carpet of his room, found those three numbers, and then finally dialed them, his father had already been seizing and shaking on the bathroom floor for longer than twenty-four minutes.  

He was just a child. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know any better.

Gojo spent the remainder of that night hugging his mom in the hospital’s emergency room, his tears soaking through her shirt as she gently rocked him back and forth in her lap while whispering soothing words in his ear. His father lay motionless on the hospital bed before them, eyes shut, and Gojo will never forget the haunting sounds of the machinery that was keeping his father alive. It was a sudden onset seizure, likely stemming from the traumatic brain injury his father had suffered a few years ago, and the prolonged convulsions he experienced on the bathroom floor that night had resulted in severe brain damage. Gojo could still hear the echo of his mother’s silent cry when the doctors informed them that it’s unlikely his father would ever fully recover from this.

No reasonable adult would ever look a four-year-old in the eyes and say if you had called for help sooner or knew what to do, maybe your father would’ve still had the chance to live a long life. Yet, even at his young age, Gojo was aware of the energy in the room, and that explanation was the only truth his mind could grasp onto to make sense of what he had just witnessed.

After two weeks of clinging to life, his father miraculously woke up from his coma and persevered for the sake of his wife and son. Shortly after the incident, he began to have recurring seizures but fought through them each time. Without fail, he made Gojo breakfast in the mornings, even if it meant having to clean up the spilt orange juice on the counter every now and then because of how his hands could not stop trembling. He always walked Gojo to the bus stop, waving him goodbye, despite how troublesome and embarrassing he found it to use his cane. The love he had for his son was so palpable that it eclipsed the bitterness over how his life had ended up because of the blessing it had brought him.

In his prime, Gojo’s father was a renowned soccer player, so incredibly talented at the sport that he left a lasting mark on the way teams strategized, his presence on the field commanding respect, and he was one of the greatest talents the entire college division had ever seen.

He met Gojo’s mother at one of his freshman year games, a pretty lady in the stands that caught his eye from the sight of her laughter among her friends, her radiance drawing him to her from the field, and that’s how their love began. Exactly one year following that day, he stole one of his grandmother’s thrifted rings from her jewelry collection and that was what he used to propose. Gojo’s mother had accepted it with so many tears and so much snot running down her face, and he had never found her more beautiful. They married young and sweet, like most people back then.

During the thrilling semifinal match between Keio Uni, Gojo’s father’s team, and Yokohama Uni during the end of his senior year, spectators witnessed a game that most college soccer enthusiasts would deem was a once-in-a-lifetime watch. Both teams engaged in relentless offense, and Gojo’s father was on his way to shatter the record of the most goals scored in a single championship match within the history of the league, but when he received a call from his wife during a timeout with the most life-altering news he could have ever heard, he abandoned everything on the field that day to go home and be with her. Grainy footage from the televised broadcast still exists online today—the moment he sprinted across the field, confused players glancing in his direction, amidst the uproar of the crowd. She called to let him know she was pregnant. 

No one knew that would be the last game of soccer he would ever play.  

It was a freak accident, a distracted driver behind the wheel of a gray Chevy on a dark and rainy night, veered straight towards Gojo’s parents car to avoid a branch on the road. In a moment that could only be described as his instinct to protect, he quickly swerved his vehicle, taking the brunt of the impact on his side. His family surrounded him at his hospital bedside as they grappled with the news that he would be unable to play the sport ever again due to his traumatic brain injury that would lead to lifelong motor function loss. According to the doctors and police, had he not swerved to shield his wife and unborn child, the outcome would have been far more disastrous. After months of rehabilitation, he regained enough ability to walk and just enough function in his extremities to welcome his newborn son in his arms.

When Gojo was just six years old, two years after witnessing his father’s first seizure, he stumbled upon a dusty, forgotten soccer ball tucked away in the corner of the garage. When he eagerly presented it to his father, excitement gleaming in his eyes, he was only met with a scowl and the demand to discard it, to never bring such things like that to him ever again. His mother protested, ensuing in an argument, and as Gojo lowered his gaze to the ball in his hands, he noticed his father’s faded signature adorned with a heart and message of love for his mother. The ink, once vibrant, now faded with time.

It wasn’t until Gojo turned seven that his father finally relented to teach him more about the sport, knowing it was all his son wanted for his birthday. With determination in his heart, Gojo pleaded for his father’s guidance, eager to kick around a nearly deflated, weathered ball. His father watched his son, expression morphing from reserved and stoic, softening to surprise, then hopeful, and he found himself cheering on his son’s clumsy endeavors on the field despite how many times he tumbled and fell. Because that was his son, his pride and joy, reminiscent of him embracing the sport that he himself had cherished so many years ago. 

As Gojo grew older and excelled at the sport, securing victory after victory in every youth league, his father’s health steadily declined. The recurring seizures caused by the brain damage from his prolonged convulsions on that fateful night exacerbated over the years and started to take an increasing toll on his body. Yet still, he never missed even a single one of his son’s games. Whenever Gojo swiftly sent the ball flying through the net, the first person his eyes would search for on the field was his father, the joy in his eyes being all he cared about in the world. Gojo lived to make his father proud, because it was the only thing that made him feel like he could make up for what little he had done to protect his father that night.

You were just a child. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know any better.

The day following Gojo’s eleventh birthday, his father had his second major seizure, falling into another coma, but this time he never woke up. Two years later, his mother made the tough decision to end his life-support, and then he was gone from their lives. Gojo’s mother was inconsolable, and he knew that his father took a piece of her soul with him to heaven that night. The piece that allowed her to smile. 

one day, you’ll lose someone you love. and everything following will fail to have meaning. 

But why was he remembering all of that now? 

The shrill of Gojo’s alarm clock woke him up from the intrusive memories that were washing through the fore-front of his mind, and he grumbled to himself before whacking at his nightstand haphazardly to shut the thing off. He ran a hand across his face in an attempt to wipe the sleepiness away, features instantly settling into an annoyed scowl as he blinked his eyes open and the filtering sunlight through the windows harassed his vision. 

He laid there for a few seconds, mending to the pounding headache at his temples with his fingers rubbing circles, and then he finally sat up in bed. Blinking at his sheets, the images of last night start to flash through his mind. The heavy music, the dim lighting of the bathroom, the dizzying jealousy, and the taste of you on his tongue–

The memory is supposed to arouse him, and would on any normal day, but because you had left him standing there stunned with no release of his own at all, he instead just feels a pulsing, soul-deep throbbing pain at his crotch that could really only be due to the fact he was left high and dry by you last night. He groans at the sensation, palm pushing down on his lower abdomen to try and relax the torture, which barely helped. It’s either he jerks off or takes a cold shower, and given the former was likely not possible for him right now since his god-forsaken brain decided to push the traumatizing experiences of his childhood to the forefront of his headspace first thing in the morning, meaning it’s unlikely he’ll be able to settle into the memory of you bent over that bathroom counter for him, he decides on the cold shower. And it’s safe to say that today already fucking sucked.

The moment the chill water hits the skin of his body, he recollects the look you had on your face right before you walked out on him. Soft, searching, to him almost seraphic, but you also looked wounded. And something from your anger with him since before he even had you in that bathroom, to the agonizing moment you left him in there by himself, told him he’d messed up big time with you somewhere along the lines. 

He knew he had been a jerk last night. He didn’t really have much of a right to be seethingly possessive of you, but the sight of you kissing another guy had him seeing red and his knuckles turning white. He finds himself clenching his jaw at the unwelcome memory even now. He figured he probably ruined what would’ve otherwise been an enjoyable night for you, and so you decided to get revenge by walking out on him. However, he can’t shake the feeling that things are messy and complicated now, primarily because of him, and he felt like he needed to apologize for dragging you into his weird, confusing emotions.

He gets himself dry and dressed, grateful for the barely sufficient relief he had down south, and sighs as he grabs his phone and taps on your name, thinking about what to say to you, and just settles on typing out Hey, can we talk? and then presses send. He turns the ringer of his phone off, tosses the device onto his bed and then heads out the door. 

Geto was sitting on the couch in the loft, rubbing an ice cube across his forehead as he sprawled on the cushions and let out low and consistent groans to himself. Gojo flopped down on the armchair across from him and assumed a similar position, rubbing at his temples to nurse his own headache. Geto opens an eye to look at him.

“Morning,” he grumbles. 

“I take it I’m not the only one that feels like they’ve been hit by a truck?” Gojo asks.

Geto makes a disgruntled noise and throws his head back on the cushion. “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. God knows how much I had last night.” He reaches over to the console table in the center for the bottle of Ibuprofen and tosses it to Gojo, who catches it and stares down at the label. “I didn’t really see you drink that much though. Don’t know why you’re hungover.”

Gojo sighs. He wasn’t hungover. His headache was from the fact that had a lot on his mind. Like the feeling of your skin last night. And then the pain of being blue-balled. And also for some reason his father’s death. Very exhausting to juggle those thoughts at once. 

Gojo twists the cap off the bottle of Ibuprofen and pops two pills, drowning them in his mouth with Geto’s glass of water, then runs a frustrated hand through his hair. The man across from him raises an eyebrow.

“You good?” he asks.

“Super peachy,” Gojo replies.

He sighs. “Well, whatever it is, just make sure it doesn’t affect your play today,” Geto warns him, sinking further down into the couch. Gojo lets out an exhale through his nose. Geto usually pushed further for answers whenever he was in a mood, so the fact that he didn’t this time meant that hangover was bad.

“I’m more worried about you. You think you’ll be fine in a few hours?” Gojo asks. Geto just waves his hand in the air in response as he grabs the hand towel on his chest and drags it up over his face, shielding himself from the light of the room.

“I have no choice but to be fine. We have to win this game,” is all he says through muffling cloth.

Gojo nods, resting his elbows on his knees and looking down at the carpet. It was finally the game of the 28th, arguably the second-most important game of the season. If they take home the win, they’re automatically seeded into top sixteen teams, which means they’ll only have to win four more matches after today to take home the championship. But if they lose, they’re seeded to the bottom, and then four turns into a daunting eight. In the history of the league, not a single team has ever lost their pre-seed game and still continued to win the playoff championship. So Geto was right, they have no choice but to win today. Otherwise, they could kiss goodbye to a 12-year UTokyo championship streak.

“Not going for your run?” Geto asks, interrupting his thoughts.

“Nah, not feeling up for it,” Gojo replies.

He clicks his tongue. “Never skip the pre-game ritual, man.”

Gojo groans, knowing that he’s right, and so he reluctantly gets up off the chair and heads back into his room. His phone lay there on the bed, facing down, and he felt so tragically taunted by it that he weighed the options of whether or not he should check if you replied back before his run or after his run. And then he’s wondering why you affect him this much in the first place.

He resolves to check after his run, and only gets one arm through his shirt before his hands betray him and he snatches his phone, eagerly tapping the screen to turn it on. 

He sees your name at the top, where you had just replied barely a minute ago. Sure, we can talk. He blinks at his phone when he sees the polite period at the end of your message, and the proper capitalization, not to mention a vocative comma? He was starting to feel really nervous.

He didn’t care that you had only replied a minute ago, he quickly typed out his response and sent it.

|| 10:35am Gojo: Do you know how to get onto the stadium field today?

He sees you typing, and he’s holding his breath.

|| 10:36am you: yes, I do. I’m going in w the newsletter journalists. Was this what you wanted to talk about?

What did he want to talk to you about exactly? Something like I’m sorry about being an ass last night, totally not cool for me to be that territorial over you, although I can’t say I wouldn’t do it again because seeing you kiss someone other than me kind of made me want to die. Also, I’m sorry for acting like you’re just someone I know, I don’t know why I did it. I guess it’s because I didn’t know if you thought of me as any more than just someone you know either, and that thought was frightening. Did I mention I hated seeing you kiss someone that wasn’t me?

He’s never really been good with words. Or feelings. 

10:37am Gojo: No, it’s not, it’s something else. I’ll come find you on the field before the game starts

He stands there, gaze fixed on his phone screen for the minute-long pause you took to respond, that for him felt like tortured eons, just for you to send-

10:39am you: k

Gojo finishes getting dressed for his run, anxiety brewing in his stomach drearily, and when he heads out the door of the house, the fresh morning air doesn’t help calm him down like it usually does. Of course, as he’s running, his thoughts wander to you. He’s thinking about the smell of your hair–or was it the perfume on your skin?–either way, it was intoxicating. The curve of your neck, that spot that made you whimper– fuck. Think of other things. Like the sound of your voice, soft and sometimes needy, but he enjoys it that way–makes his head spin. Or when you’re being sweet and thanking him for something you shouldn’t, because to him everything about you was a privilege and never a task. Even in the hot spring sun of the late morning, he finds himself missing the warmth from your body, and that look. That goddamn look in your eyes when you’re peering into his like you want him to–

“I’m sure he’s really proud of you.”

His legs stop him on their own, like they know something about the feelings in his chest that he doesn’t, and he’s standing still on the sidewalk of the neighborhood now. Short puffs of air escape his lips from his blood pumping fast through his body, and he could physically hear the sound of you in his head. Intimate enough to where he turns to the side slightly facing his surroundings, like there was no way it was just a memory and you weren’t actually near. He finds himself swallowing hard and having to consciously keep moving forward.

Gojo makes it back to the house, freshens up for the second time today, and gets dressed into his UTokyo soccer uniform with his signature #10 jersey. He leaves with Geto to campus, where all his teammates gather before eventually boarding the bus to the UTokyo stadium field ten minutes away. Coach Yaga yells their ears off in the locker rooms in an attempt to get their plays for today through their brains, and the exhilarating noises from the stands as they make their formal entrance through to the field fills Gojo’s senses, along with the obnoxiously loud music playing as pre-game rituals settle in. Gojo sets his bag down on the bench and joins the others in warm-ups for about fifteen minutes, before catching a chance to sneak away and look for you across the expansive pristine grass.

After lightly jogging around the perimeter of the field for a couple of minutes, he finally spots you, his raised eyebrows now flattening under the fringe of his hair as he relaxes. He didn’t realize he was tensing his shoulders until now. You were just beyond the sidelines near a hydration station, fidgeting with something in your camera case, lips pressed together in a frustrated expression, and he saw your body sulk with the sigh you let out as you must’ve realized you had forgotten something. The corner of his mouth twitches upwards into a slight smile, an unconscious reaction to seeing you look so damn cute from your troubled face decorated with a pout. And then he remembered he had been looking for you, and he had found you, and the only thing to do next was to be near you. 

He ambles up to you, and you only catch sight of him when he’s just a few feet away and finally standing in front of you. He sees your eyes widen slightly, lashes blinking once, twice, and then there’s a blush of color to your cheeks as you fidget with the stadium access badge hung around your neck. He noticed there were grass stains on your jeans over your knees when he looked down.

“Hey,” Gojo greets you over the loud music playing on the field.

“Hi,” he sees you say, and he realizes he can barely hear you.

“Let’s go over there,” Gojo yells, jerking his head over to the side.

He leads you over to an area tucked near the east side entrance, a corner slightly underneath one of the sectioned stands where the loud cheers of the stadium somehow reflected off less. It was about as private or silent of a place that the two of you could manage to have a conversation on a soccer field before a match, if you could just ignore the dressed up school mascots rehearsing their walk-ins and walk-outs through the entryway.

You take a few steps backwards until your back hits the concrete slab wall, and he’s in front of you as he watches you study him for a second, taking in the sight of his uniform, before your eyes finally meet his.

“Are you ready to take your photos today?” he asks you, poorly attempting to make small talk despite the images of you with him in that bathroom last night flashing through his memory. Now was seriously not the time to be turned on.

You nod, and respond “I am”, giving him absolutely nothing to work with.

He sighs. “Listen, about last night, I just wanted to apologize. For dragging you into that bathroom with me, although you did ask me to-” He sees you narrow your eyes and cross your arms across your chest. “Sorry,” he sighs, “Seriously, I just…I don’t know what got over me then.”

“You don’t know? Or you just don’t want to tell me?” you prod at him. He briefly considers pretending he doesn’t hear your question over the sound of the stadium, but he knows he wouldn't get away with that, not with the way you’re looking at him like he’s just one more fuck-up away from making you storm off.

He looks at your lips. “I guess the only thing I know is that I didn’t like seeing you kiss someone else.”

You shake your head and close your eyes. “I know you didn’t, Satoru. Otherwise last night wouldn’t have happened. What I’m asking is why.”

He’s struggling now, searching his head for answers, like he’s fighting for his life on a test that he didn’t study for. When he looks down, he notices your foot has been tapping impatiently. And when he looks back up, there’s that wounded expression from last night again. “I don’t know,” is all he can offer.

You uncross your arms from your chest, lips parting slightly as your eyebrows pinch upwards with a disheartened look. He sees your gaze shift slowly across the features of his face, searching, and he wonders if you can see something within him that he can’t. The thought terrifies him. “Fine. It’s my turn to speak.”

He nods slowly. He wasn’t sure what you wanted to say to him. He imagined you would just cuss him out with a few choice words for being a raging asshole last night and then you’d be on your merry way. But he senses sincerity in your voice. Not that he was phenomenal at reading people, though.

He watches as you clench and unclench your fists at your sides nervously, then twiddle with the strap of your camera, then tuck your hair behind your ears, then blink rapidly as you look up at him, then worry your bottom lip between your teeth, then open your mouth to speak just to close it again.

“Do you need me here for any of this?” he says in an attempt at a joke to ease you, but when all you give him is a glare, he’s fearful enough to be serious again.

“I like you.”

He blinks. “Thanks? I like you, too.”

“No, no. I like you as in I have feelings for you,” you clarify. Gojo’s eyes widen at the confession, and he stands up straighter. 

“Oh,” he finally replies when he realizes he hasn’t said anything yet, “I…I wouldn’t have guessed that.” Holy shit, if that was how you felt, then he really has been a raging asshole this entire time. 

You roll your eyes. “I know. You’re a hopelessly dense, menacingly flirty, sleazy frat dude college athlete,” you sigh, “But I still like you. Unfortunately, tragically, annoyingly, much to my dismay, against my better judgment,”

“Okay, I get it-”

“I think it started that night you stayed with me when I was stranded with my flat,” you confess suddenly, your chest rising a little bit faster, and his expression softened. “I just really appreciated you being there for me.”

His voice is gentle when he speaks next. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I would’ve been there if it happened ten times over,” he pauses, “although I’d seriously question your ability to drive if it happened that many times.”

“And I think it started when you walked me out to the practice field for the first time, and you told me you cared about my dreams,” you say with a slight step forwards to him, unable to acknowledge his words at all, as if there was a script you needed to stick to that was the only thing keeping you from falling apart in front of him. 

He finds himself instinctively leaning towards you, close enough to where he notices you’re wearing a different perfume today. “But that was before the night of your car incident,” he reminds you.

“I know,” you nod, and there’s that look in your eyes that he loves, “and I also think it started that first night we met and you looked sad when I said we weren’t friends.”

Gojo’s eyes widen, his heart skipping a beat in his chest, and he finds himself breathing shallowly as he listens to your words. “y/n…I think you’re working backwards here.”

“I’m trying to say I’ve had feelings for you this whole time,” you say to him, “they were tiny at first, I didn’t really see them, but now they’re too big for me to hold all by myself.”

Gojo nods slowly, and he already knows what you’re going to ask of him next.

“I like you in a way that makes me want more from you,” you admit, eyes steadily on his with resolve, “I don’t want to be just someone you know, or someone only for sex-”

“y/n-” he tries to interrupt you.

“And I certainly won’t be someone that sits around to wait for a guy if he doesn’t want me back,” you say, but there’s an apprehensive look in your eyes when you speak next, “so, I need you to answer to my feelings.”

Gojo blinks at you, his heart beating fast in his chest from your confession, and he feels like with every testing second that he fails to answer you back, you slip further and further away from him.

He knew he had affection for you. He always wanted to be close to you, even when he already was, as if he couldn’t get close enough. He wanted to take care of you, and see that softness in your expression when he knew you felt safe and happy. He couldn’t stand the thought of you with someone else, and it took him this damn long to realize as he stood in front of you that he had no interest in being with anyone else either. So then why did his chest feel so tight? And why was he struggling so much to give you an answer?

one day, you’ll lose someone you love. and everything following will fail to have meaning. 

Gojo’s eyes widened as the memories of his life flashed through his mind, a chill running down his spine as they knock the wind from his lungs and he feels that same sense of dread that has been following him like a ghost since that day when he was just four years old, standing in the hallway, wondering why his father was having a nightmare on the bathroom floor when he should’ve known it was something far worse than that.

Gojo blames himself for so much that had gone wrong in his life. And he should know that it’s not his fault, but all of his grief was greedy to breathe and live, desperate to find a reason for why he had to lose someone he loved, and his grief found a home in all of his guilt.

And he was terrified to lose someone close to him again. Even if he decided to see what could become with you, even if he thought for a moment that he was allowed to feel any sort of happiness with you, the thought of falling short and failing frightened him. He was so tired of adding to a long list of regrets in his life. And he knew he wasn’t what you needed— what you deserved.

“I…” he starts, swallowing the lump in his throat, “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way about you.” He knows he sounds convincing enough from the way the light in your eyes dimmed, anticipation faltering and replaced with a sad expression over your features. He needs to take a shaky breath to continue speaking. “It seems I’ve led you on in a lot of ways, and I apologize for that. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen anymore.”

You’re silent for a long moment, twiddling with your fingers as you look up at him. “I see…” you say, and when he sees your lower lip quiver slightly, he feels sick. His instinct is to reach out for you, pull you closer to him, but he knows that’s not a luxury you would allow for him, and he knew it wasn’t one he deserved either. 

Your voice is trembling when you speak next. “I appreciate you letting me know. And you don’t have to worry about not leading me on anymore, because this will be the last time you see me.”

His entire body runs rigid. 

“Why?” It’s a stupid question, but he asks it anyway.

“So I can get over you.”

All he can do is stand with the feeling of a chill in his bones.

“And I ask that you’ll respect my space while I do,” you add on at the end.

He’s silent for a long moment, then lets out the breath he was holding in. “I will,” he says, the promise leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

There’s a moment where you both just look at each other, as though the two of you were trying to hold onto the moment, but you’re the one to break out of it first, and he’s the one to wish it would’ve lasted a little longer.

“I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” The words already sounded like goodbye. “I’ll make sure you look nice in your photos,” you say with a small smile, holding your camera up slightly, “and good luck today.” 

He wonders if he’ll regret this moment.

“Thanks.”

He steps aside so that you can walk past him and back out to the field. Gojo takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly, and relaxes his shoulders. Well, that was intense. Definitely not the direction he thought that conversation was going to go in at all, but that’s fine. He handled it fine. Totally fine. Things were going to be totally fine. He just has to play the match now.

The first step he takes back towards the field, he feels his uneasiness return, with the second step the feeling of his heart beating becomes violent in his head, with the third step he swears he can’t feel the tips of his fingers, with the fourth he feels severely nauseous, and with his fifth- was he seriously about to throw up?

He barely makes it back onto the grassy field cutting across the obstacles of people at the sidelines, using all his strength to not double over before he reaches a table and grabs one of the water bottles. He sees a group of men, all dressed in suits and loitering near the team manager’s station, perk their heads up at the sight of him and he’s groaning internally. The last thing he wanted to do right now was talk to any damn recruiters, but he sees one of them bold enough to approach him in his periphery. He sighs, taking one last gulp of water, and tries to stand up straight and look like he wasn’t going insane.

“Hi, I’m Jousuke Tsuda, recruiter for Tokyo Metropolitan’s national league team,” he says and stretches his hand out for Gojo to shake. The man looked aged, with thick creases to his forehead that could only mean he’s witnessed a hell of a lot of life and he has the soul to prove it.

Gojo’s eyes widen at the mention of Tokyo-Met’s team, and he grabs onto the man’s hand in as firm of a handshake he could manage. “Gojo Satoru.”

The man laughs. It’s deep with a slight crackle. “I know your name, son. Every recruiter in the country does. You’ve got a lot of eyes on you right now.”

“I’m flattered.”

The man raises an eyebrow at him. “Surely you feel pressured.”

Gojo only hums to himself.

The man glances at his watch. “I know the match starts in a few, but if I could have a moment of your time. Take a walk with me?”

“Sure.”

The two trail down the line of the field. “I’ll get straight to the point, kid. Tokyo-Met’s really keen on scouting you for the national league following your graduation,” he says.

Gojo feels like he should be excited about that news, actually, he should be ecstatic and groveling at this man’s feet, but instead he just feels empty and hollow inside. 

“Forget the fact that you’ll be playing in the nation’s most revered team,” the man continues, “but compensation is high, too.” He pulls his phone out from his front suit pocket, tapping away at his calculator app, then turns the screen towards Gojo. Holy shit. “I’m talking about a 350 million yen per year contract here. I could advocate for higher based on how well you perform the rest of the season.”

“I…I don’t know what to say,” Gojo responds.

The man is silent for a second then sighs. When the two of them reach a somewhat secluded bench near the corner of the field, he sits down on it and expects Gojo to do the same, to which he complies.

“You know, I’m used to much more enthusiastic reactions from players that hear this kind of news, although they’re usually ecstatic for barely a hundred million a year compared to what I’ve just offered you,” the man says.

“I guess it’s the pressure,” Gojo says to him, “it’s got my emotional response circuit all fried up, y’know?” He was pulling excuses out of his ass. 

A small hmph noise is heard beside him before he sees the man pulling a pack of cigarettes out of the pocket of his slacks. “I know your father has left big shoes to fill, kid. I can’t imagine the fear of feeling like you’ll fail, or the anxiety of an injury taking you out any time you’re on the field, not wanting history to repeat itself.”

Gojo’s eye twitches and he narrows his eyes at the man seated beside him. “My dad got injured in a car accident, not while playing the sport.”

“I know,” he responds, finally pulling a cigarette out of the pack, holding it between his two fingers as he rests his wrist on his knee. “The story touched the hearts of everyone in Tokyo, and the entire soccer community in general. I remember reading about it in the school newspaper. Back in the day when they still printed those things out.” Gojo’s surprised, and he’s only given a sideways smile before the man continues. “I knew your father, went to the same college as him.”

“I don’t think he ever mentioned you,” Gojo says.

He lets out a hearty laugh. “He despised me. I was a money-hungry finance major that saw a huge opportunity in mediator sports recruitment agencies. Figured if I could sign a player like your father to my start-up, I’d be set for life. He was a smart man not to sign, regardless of how things turned out.” He shakes his head musingly. “I gave up after that and got a real job. You’ll find a lot of your hopes and dreams die in college.”

“I see,” Gojo says.

The man leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees, and looks over with a serious expression on his face. “Tell me, son, what does this sport mean to you? Why have you dedicated your entire life to playing it?”

Gojo only gives him a cursory glance.

“Is it the fame and attention? The pride? The thrill? The prospect of earning millions and then retiring at thirty, and you get to watch your wife and kids playing in your grand estate’s pool on a sunny summer Sunday while you’re swirling around a glass of ‘90s scotch in your hand?” he asks, tone derisive but luring. “Or does it mean something more to you?”

Gojo looks down at his hands that were clenched tightly into fists. He relaxes them so that his fingers fall open weakly and his palms face the sky. He remembers the feeling of being a kid, the smell of freshly cut grass consuming his senses, the sight of bruises on his knees from how many times he fell on the field chasing after the ball, and the admiration in his father’s eyes every single time he stood back up. “It’s a chance to prove myself,” he finally says.

“Prove yourself of what?” the man pushes.

“That I’m capable of greatness,” Gojo admits, “like my father.”

The man nods slowly in acknowledgment. “Yes, your father was a great man. But not because of how he played the game. He was a great man because he knew which sacrifices were truly important.”

Gojo looks at him wearily. “Are you trying to tell a player you’re attempting to recruit that the sport isn’t important?”

He shakes his head, looking straight ahead. “No, it’s important. But it’s the meaning you give to your life outside of it that gives it importance.”

Gojo raises an eyebrow at him, not really sure what to make of the cryptic sentiment.

The man claps his hands together and stands up. “Alright, I’m sure that’s all the time you’ve got for me. Think about my offer, and if any other recruiters approach you with better ones, just know I’ll push for higher.” He hands Gojo his business card and brings his cigarette to mouth, balancing it between his lips. “Reach out if you have any questions.”

Gojo looks down at the card, his finger tracing the edge of it as he studies the shimmering gold lettering. “Why not just hit me with your best offer and leave? Why bother having this kind of conversation with me?”

The man pulls his cigarette from his mouth, pinching it between his two fingers once again. “We’ve all got regrets we want to make right, kid,” he says. And with his hands in his pockets, he walks away. 

Gojo watches the man as he makes his way down the sidelines back to the cluster of men in suits. When he hears the referee whistle, he shoves the business card in the pocket of his uniform shorts, and makes his way towards the center of the sidelines.

His teammates instantly come up to him with optimistic smiles and encouraging pats on his chest and back, trying to keep the energy high to manifest a win for today, but Gojo just feels exhausted and like he’s drowning. He has so many thoughts swimming around in his head, he can’t even begin to explain, and he just wants someone to see through him at this moment. 

The teams stand on the field for the national anthem, and then Osaka Uni’s team disperses while UTokyo’s alma mater plays. Coach Yaga yells for all the players to huddle before the coin toss and reminds them of their plays for the afternoon.

Nanami pulls his sweatbands onto his wrists, Geto pulls his hair back up into a bun, Chosou pulls tightly on the straps of his goalie gloves, and Gojo pushes his hair up off his forehead to snap his headband onto his face. He looks around to his other teammates and that sense of pride he feels to be a part of this team swells dully despite his emotions.

UTokyo wins the coin toss, choosing to kick, and Gojo finds his place in the center of the field. The crowd is already cheering preemptively, their pride in their home team evident in the passion of the filled stands, and Gojo peers across the large expanse of the field as he rests his foot on top of the soccer ball. It’s a scene he’s seen a hundred times in his life, but the sight is daunting today. He takes his foot off the ball when he hears the referee signal the start of the match with a short piercing shrill of his whistle, and the second Gojo draws his leg back and his foot makes contact with the ball, sending it flying forward, he can already feel that something feels very off.

Every single time he had the ball in his possession, his footwork felt heavy and delayed. His teammates had set up more than three chances for him to score, and he shot wide every single time. The crowd’s cheers started to diminish, and he could feel the growing discontent and exasperation from all eyes on the field. Ten minutes before halftime, they were down 1-0, and stakes were starting to feel high. 

One of his teammates passes a ball right to Gojo’s favored foot, the crowd instantly erupting with noise and stands to their feet as Gojo shuffles the ball past the penalty line, through Osaka’s defenders, eyes locked with the perfect opportunity to strike. This was good, he had his rhythm back, even if just for a moment, and he can see it, clear as day–the trajectory to the goal. With the feeling of slick sweat on his face and determination in his veins, he withdraws his leg back to kick the ball. The world went silent in his head, the only sound being the beating of his heart, and-

“this will be the last time you see me.”

When he recalls your voice, everything moves in slow-motion as his ankle slips slightly on the grass from his moment of hesitation, and then the ball is swiftly stolen by an opposing team player and maneuvered past him. 

“Fuck!” he hisses, immediately turning his head around as he helplessly watches the opponents players move with fervor in pursuit of another goal. The crowd hushed in horror as Osaka passed the ball through UTokyo’s defense, swiftly steadying down the side and sending the ball flying through Chosou’s outstretched arms. 2-0, and the lead ref calls for halftime. 

“Dude,” one of his teammates comes up to him as they walk back towards the benches and throws his arms up in the air, “what the hell is wrong with you today?”

“Seriously, man, not a single goal in the first half? You know how many times I’ve set up a shot for you?" another one of his teammates chimes in, nudging Gojo’s shoulder way harder than he’d usually warrant, and shortly after, a blaming fest begins among the players.

“Enough!” Coach Yaga yells out. All of the players quiet down and look at him, some grudgingly gulping down water while others just try to regain their breath. Gojo’s arms just hang at his sides in defeat. “We’re pushing everything on offense now, we can’t afford to miss any more shots,” Coach Yaga says, his fear of losing the match evident too despite his rough tone, “Satoru, I’m switching you out. Dai, take his place.”

“What?” Gojo asks incredulously, charging forward so he’s in front of the older man. “I’m not getting benched.”

“You will, because I say so,” Coach Yaga says sternly, “you’re distracted, boy. I can see it all over your face.”

“I’m n-”

“Just sit down,” Coach Yaga lets out a disgruntled noise. “When players are distracted, they get injured. Have faith in your teammates.”

“Coach,” Gojo asks again, this time almost pleading. He hardly ever questioned Coach Yaga’s calls, he had a great deal of respect for the man. But something within him just absolutely refused to get benched today.

Coach Yaga stares at him for a long moment, and it’s only when one of the refs chirps their whistle that he finally exhales and gives him a reluctant jerk of his head towards the field.

Geto sets up the perfect shot for Nanami to sweep for a kick that barely lands through the goalie’s lunge for the ball, and then on the next play, secures another goal himself. The score is tied, 2-2, with eight minutes left on the clock. Gojo manages to steal the ball on a defensive play, and it’s only really a stroke of luck that he manages in one solid pass the entire game, straight to Geto’s foot, crowd roaring, and he watches his best friend shoot and sink within the last minute and a half of the game. 

3-2. UTokyo’s win. 

Gojo sighs, exhausted as he makes his way to the bench, crouching down and zipping open his duffle bag. Spirits are low among the team despite the excitement from the crowd over their win because of how hauntingly close the loss felt during the last moments of the match, disinterested in celebrating at all as they meekly dispersed across the field. Gojo knew he was going to get a massive yelling-to from Coach Yaga and he could feel the searing disappointment from his teammates for not carrying the game more. This was just a bare win, could’ve gone either way, and his performance today wasn’t a good look for any recruiters either. He felt so emotionally and physically drained from this entire day, and he wasn’t sure how the hell he could feel any better.

Shuffling through his bag for a water bottle, his knuckles hit something cold and metallic-sounding tucked away inside. He hums to himself curiously before grabbing it and pulling it out.

strawberry vanilla soda.

Hm. This wasn’t the one you gave him a couple of days ago. He already drank that one. Did you sneak this into his bag? His brow furrows, and he stares at the sparkling smiling sloth on the label. When he turns the can in his hand, he sees a little note messily scribbled in black ink. 

good luck today! u got this :) ur a star

His eyes widened.

And putting his heart through a shredder would’ve hurt less than when he realizes what an idiot he’s been this entire time.

He’s instantly searching the field, peering through crowds of people, mascots, banners, flags, for any sight of you. He’s not sure how or why he goes in the direction that he does, but deep down it’s because he knows you like taking millions of pictures of flowers, and the west side exit has endless blooms of them. And so when he runs out that way, cleats tapping against the concrete pavement that leads out into the courtyard in the front of the stadium, and spots you standing there, he finally lets out the breath of air he feels like he’s been holding in his chest all day.

You’re aiming your camera at teal and orange petals scattered across the decorative florals lining the raised concrete planters, then pull it down from your face and twiddle with the settings, tilting your head to the side. You then pluck at one of the blooms that was spilling over the edges, bringing it to the tip of your nose curiously. And he just watches, chest heaving from the urgency that he rushed to get to you, heart aching from the desperation of wanting to be near you. He wanted to ask you how you were feeling, he wanted to know how your pictures came along, he wanted to know what you were doing after this, and he wanted you to be with him. But most importantly, he wanted to make sure that this wasn’t the last time he ever saw you again. 

It isn’t until a minute after that you seem keen on his presence too, and you swiftly turn your head in his direction, surprised. “Satoru?” you say. He wonders if he’ll melt. He wonders if those ice-cold barriers he’s built over the years could thaw just from the way you say his name.

But when he takes a step forward, you take a step back. And he halts. The expression on your face was unfamiliar to him. Once soft, curious, trusting. Now you looked at him like you were guarding something, keeping it safe from him, and he no longer had the right to intrude. And then he realizes the hell he’s put you through all this time.

He regrets pushing you away.

“I know I said I’d respect the fact that you want space,” he says through bated breath, “but I…I just can’t stand the thought of never seeing you again.”

You’re solemn when you look at him, reading the plea in his eyes, and then slowly shake your head. He feels like he can’t breathe. 

“I’m sorry. Goodbye.”

And then you walk out of his life.

a/n. thank you for reading! i have a few more author notes that explain a few things that i couldn't really find a way to fit into the chapter organically, but wanted to address before moving on, if you're curious you can find them here. hope to see you in the next one! pls lemme know if i missed any tags i'm sorry if i did :')

➸ take me to chapter eight!

taglist: @who-can-touch-my-boob @lost-resonance @foulprincesscycle @purplehallow11 @tsukikourito @getitsatoru @erencvlt @slut-4-gojo @cactisjuice @kissofife @tiredflame132 @cliosunshine @ethereally-lyann @prince-wyiilder @semra4 @gojosimp26 @hojoslutoru @drthymby @ninitoru @btszn @bbyxxm @fvsm4x @sadmonke @zoinks1010 @bakuhoethotski @fvsm4x @colouringfrogssittinginleaves @ri-sa20 @cierocanteat (thank you to everyone <3)

[hughiecampbelle]

The Boys Preference: You Falling Asleep

A/N: Not requested! I just thought it would be a cute idea! Requests are still open. Be sure to read my rules in the pinned post :) Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Butcher didn't want anyone visiting him in the hospital, but you weren't taking no for an answer. He'd been sleeping on and off, but when he work up again, you were asleep. Curled into a ball in one of the visitor chairs. You looked uncomfortable and cramped, but your expression was that of relief. For a little while you weren't worried about the state of the world or the future or his health. He knows you haven't been getting enough sleep. That didn't really matter when it felt like the world was ending every other day. When the nurses come in he makes sure to warn them. He couldn't be the cause of your fears and the one to wake you up. Someone brought a blanket and he gently placed it over you. He watched you, taking in this moment. You were finally relaxed. He knew you'd only done this because you were completely exhausted, you could barely keep your eyes open. It hurt him to know that he was a big reason why you couldn't eat or sleep or take care of yourself. He never meant to hurt you like this.

Hughie notices you can barely keep your eyes open. After that night at Tek Knights, you haven't been sleeping very well. You'd been so scared, so sure you were going to die with five new holes punctured into your body. You woke up from nightmares gasping for air, checking your skin for holes, afraid you were still in the sex dungeon. That you never got out. He's not sure how to talk to you about it and the guilt eats him alive. You and him are going through his files on Neuman when your head starts to fall only for you to startle awake. He insists you take a nap in his bed. You're reluctant, but you're so exhausted you eventually give in. He doesn't shut the door completely, wanting to be there if you have another nightmare. It's the least he can do.

Annie insists she'll stay awake for the both of you. The shape shifter captured you both. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. They ended up drugging the both of you. They switched between your two identities, tearing off their skin, taking your memories as well as your faces. Annie can see just how tired you are. Your skin is raw and you've run out of tears. She doesn't hold it against you. She fights against the chains quietly, hearing your breathing turn shallow. She would find a way out of this. She would get you out of this. You'd feel better after getting a good night's sleep. You weren't a Supe. You didn't have the abilities she had. And yet, she couldn't get them to work. She cursed herself for not protecting you, not saving you, not being a good enough Supe. She was grateful you weren't awake to see her fall apart like this.

M.M. does everything in his power not to wake you. You fell asleep on a surveillance mission in the van. You'd gotten so quiet, he felt like he was talking to himself. When he looked over, putting the binoculars down, you were curled in a ball in the passenger seat, fast asleep. He knows you haven't been sleeping well. If it's not the nightmares, it's the fear, the worrying. You recently admitted you'd kept a loaded gun where you could easily reach just in case. You were petrified something terrible would happen if you relaxed even a little, if you let your guard down. You needed this. He turns the engine off and puts his coat over you. He would've loved being able to talk about your heightened stress and anxiety, ways to cope, but this was a lot better. He hoped you'd feel safer, calmer after you woke up.

Frenchie freaks out a little internally. He thought you were dead. Your head was resting in your folded arms on your desk. Once he saw your body rise and fall with your breathing, he realized you weren't knocked out or dead. You were asleep. He thinks it's a little funny after getting over his initial panic. You've been working really hard lately. He wasn't sure how much sleep you were getting, if you were getting any at all. When the others walked in, bickering and laughing, he motions for them to be quiet. You needed this. Everyone whispers, going their separate ways. Frenchie turns down the lights, leaving a lamp on so that you're not totally in the dark. He wants you to rest as long as possible. You've been giving everything to this job, this cause, lately. You needed a lot more rest than this.

Kimiko knew you'd been having nightmares. It wasn't a secret. You confided in her one night that you haven't been sleeping well. Every time you close your eyes, you see Homelander. You feel his lasers slice through you until you're two halves. He's not just angry or upset, he's furious. You can't escape him. You two are hanging out when she notices you can't keep your eyes open. She tells you to lay down with your head on her lap. You laugh it off, but she's serious. She rubs circles between your shoulder blades, trying to ease you to sleep. When she notices your eyes are closed she doesn't stop. It brings her a lot of ease and relief knowing she can help you, at least a little. If you have another nightmare, if you face Homelander alone again, she'll be there when you wake up. She'll be there.

Bonus! Homelander either let's you sleep or orders you out of the room. If he likes you, he might warn the others to shut the fuck up. He'd move your meeting to another time and simply let you be. He might check on you every so often and when he sees you stirring he would gently wake you up, walk you to your room where you can sleep in a real bed instead of holding your head up in the board room. If he doesn't like you, he yells and berates and is this close to firing you before he realizes The Seven and Vought need you for your powers. You can apologize all you want, he won't listen. Either way you're completely embarrassed. You've just been so busy lately, it's been hard to fall asleep with everything going on.

[aureatchi]

“I GET LOST INSIDE ALL THE STARS IN YOUR EYES, IT’S A GALAXY.” ft. dazai, chuuya, ranpo, nikolai, sigma

— how do the bsd men kiss you? (& other things.)

a/n. rev writes this knowing well she’s awkward w physical touch ‘n has never kissed a guy. hdjshsh.

info. fem!reader. fluff !! + a bit sugg. established relationships. kissing, making out. mentions of bsd s5ep11 spoilers for dazai. pinch of angst if you squint.

DAZAI loves to listen to you ramble. he loves listening to you pour out your mind’s lively ideas to him out loud, whether it’d be something super philosophical that could match even his intellect, or something insignificant like the tv show you were watching last night before you fell asleep, waiting for him to come home. he is fascinated by anything and everything you say—so much, he wants to shroud the part of your body that speaks with love.

Which, of course, applied when Dazai finally returned to you from Meursault, after what had seemed like himself or you trying to cross the infinite sea of time.

You ran towards Dazai, his face clear and unhidden from the full moon’s light. He stood there with the biggest smile on his face, waiting for you to wrap your arms around his neck and envelope his taller figure in your embrace, but oh, he shouldn’t assume and expect loving gestures so quickly.

Instead, he was met with a fist to his chest, a punch with quite some power packed into it. Not enough to actually hurt him, of course, but Dazai would react dramatically either way.

“O-Ow! Bella!? What was that for?”

He looked down at you, catching an emotion as intense as fire in your eyes as you met his concerned, honey-dipped ones back, realizing you were being serious. Your fist was still connected to his upper body, and he stole a quick glance to observe your state—good, she’s been taking care of herself; she hasn’t skipped her meals—before meeting your face once again.

You let him bathe in a few moments of anxious silence before you finally started shouting.

“You didn’t even warn me!”

“I had no idea where you were!”

“Do you know how scared I felt?!”

Dazai continued to stand in place, not backing away when you continued to throw feeble punches at his torso with every frustration you cried out, when tears started to fall from your eyes, and when you stopped boxing him to surrender into his chest but not holding your tongue just yet.

“You’re so stupid and insane for this one, Osamu. Prison?! And you couldn’t even get a telephone to…yknow? Call me? Talk to me? I hate y—”

“Shh.”

Dazai had cupped your face, and before you could speak anymore, he sealed his lips over yours. Immediately, you kissed him back, abandoning all anger toward him by his action.

His eyes were half-lidded as he admired how yours looked in the silver moonlight. Up close, you were encompassed in his signature smell of green tea and a hint of mint, tempting you to keep him close to you even more.

“I…missed you so much, ‘samu” you said in between kisses.

“I’ve missed you even more.” You were lifted off of your feet, legs wrapped around his waist, as Dazai continued to press his mouth onto yours. He meant what he said—he savored the feeling of your warmth on him and the taste of your lips once again after not having it for so long. And robbing you of the same bliss along with it.

“I’m so sorry. I’ll make everything up to you, love,” he whispered as your hands found their way to sift through his soft, brunette hair. “I’ll kiss you as many times as you wish.”

“I’m sure you will even when I don’t wish,” you replied as you both pulled away for air, chuckling. “You’re not sly—we both know you kiss me to shut me up.”

“And I don’t see a problem with it?” he asked, his usual smug smile returning to his face before he gently peppered your forehead next.

“No. No, I don’t either.”

CHUUYA loves to spoil you. the top mafia executive spoils you with gifts, jewelry, accessories, breakfast…lunch…dinner, you name it. he also loves to spoil you with affection. after long days at work, he is always relieved to come home to the one good and comforting person in the world.

“Welcome home, Chuuya!” you greeted as you heard the front door open, the ginger-haired entering the house.

“Whatever you’re making smells delicious, doll,” he responded in a delightful tone, probably the first time he spoke so pleasantly all day.

You smiled. “I just finished making dinner.”

He walked toward you in the kitchen, pulling you into a hug.

“What’s up?” you replied, giggling at embrace as you wrapped your arms around him in return.

“Just missed you, that’s all,” Chuuya replied. “ You’re heaven-sent, yknow.”

You felt touched by his words. “I missed you too, Chuu,” you replied. “And I’m glad you feel that way. You deserve the best, and that’s what I’m trying to be.”

“Doll, you are the best. And you deserve the best,” he responded.

“Like this.” He gently lifted the custom necklace clasped around you. It was his present for one of your anniversaries, brought from some foreign country.

“But you deserve even more than material things.” He moved hair out of your face as he looked into your eyes.

He then moved closer to your face until his lips brushed over yours, and you could feel the warmth of his face.

“Something like this,” he said and then kissed you.

Luxurious as he was, his cologne smelled the same, completely engulfing you in his world. Chuuya showed you just how much you deserved by trailing his hands down to your waist, soothingly adoring every part. Meanwhile, his cerulean eyes gazed into yours, recording how pretty you looked to save in his mind.

“You’re so beautiful, doll.”

He felt you smile against his lips. “And you’re so handsome.” You broke away and then took the hat off of Chuuya’s head.

“You’re like…the person who can pull off the fedora the best.” You placed the hat on your head, his scent even more prominent on that accessory.

“You say that, yet I think I have competition now. Y’look cute with it on too.” Chuuya smiled, approving you with his signature hat.

You placed a kiss on his cheek. “Let’s eat now before the food gets cold.”

RANPO was very high-maintenance. you had to buy him snacks, you had to give him hugs, you had to do anything in the best wishes of the world’s greatest detective or else…he’d whine. and once he started complaining, he would not back down until you gave in. yet, however childish he was, you found him cute and didn’t love ranpo any less for his call of your affection.

“Ranpo! What do you need?”

Your boyfriend had run into the bathroom where you were trying to do your makeup, currently putting lipstick on your face.

“ ‘m really hungry,” he said, obnoxiously staring at you apply the red shade to your lips.

“Hungry? Oh, the snacks are in the pantry. I thought you’d already seen them?”

“No! I don’t want them!”

“Huh?” You paused and immediately turned toward him in utter disbelief that he had just declined his favorite food.

“Are you okay, Ranpo?”

“No!” He was unanticipatedly so loud that you flinched, accidentally running the lipstick off your mouth.

“…You’re not looking for snacks?”

“No!”

“Then what do you want?!”

“You!”

There was an awkward silence, and you noticed Ranpo’s face had gone entirely the shade of your lip as he stood, pouting.

It was apparent he was embarrassed for what he just blurted out. You almost wanted to laugh.

“You could’ve just asked me!” you replied with a chuckle in your voice. “Come here.”

Ranpo trodded toward you, still visibly frustrated.

“What do you want?” you asked.

“Well, first of all, you didn’t kiss me before I left for work this morning!”

You sighed, amused that he was whining so much because of that. And how he would never directly admit what he wanted from you—always making you have to solve puzzles and guess riddles to figure him out.

But it was also incredibly endearing how Ranpo took all your affections toward him to heart, no matter how big or small they were.

“Awh, I’m sorry I missed that,” you replied. “I’ll make that up to you.”

You kissed Ranpo’s cheek, stamping a red signature on the spot. You moved to his other cheek, and then his forehead, and then everywhere in between until he was covered in your smooches.

“Look!” you turned Ranpo toward the mirror for him to see what art you’ve created on him.

“You’re forgetting one place,” he said, turning his face to look at all angles.

“Really? Where?” you asked. He surely didn’t need anymore—his whole face showed proof you touched him everywhere with your lips.

“Here stupid, duuuuh,” he responded, kissing you on the lips. He moved your back to the edge of the sink counter, and then lifted you up to sit on it.

“Hungry, are you?” you giggled as he teased you with his tongue. “I avoided that spot on purpose, stupid.”

“Who are you calling stupid, stupid?” He ran his thumb over the stain your lipstick messed up on. You could feel him smirk.

“You, stupid! It was your fault after all. And look at your face!”

“Sweetheart, if you’re calling me stupid, you are too. One, you’re just stupid, and two, you’re stupid for being with me!”

You pulled back, laughing. “If I must be stupid to be with you, then I guess I’m stupid.”

“There’s a solution! If you call me smart, it’ll make you smart.”

“Fine, Ranpo. You’re the smartest person I know in this world.”

NIKOLAI loves surprising you. he finds your sudden reactions nothing short of adorable. which is why he caught you off-guard so much, so that he could see the cute responses you made, duh? widened eyes, mini jumps, and yelps were a few things he oddly took delight in.

Which is why the jester loves to surprise you with a kiss whenever he greets you. Though, whenever he does, you receive no warning. And you never know whether he wants to give you a simple peck on the lips or a full-on makeout session. It was expected to always be unexpected.

You were walking down the hallway to your room with a basket of clean laundry when you suddenly heard the all-too-familiar cheery, charismatic voice.

“Dove being productive, hm?” he chirped.

You scanned the entire room with your eyes, but you couldn’t see Nikolai anywhere, even though there was nowhere to hide.

“Kolya?”

“Hehe…I think it’s time for a quiz time!! Where am I?

“Am I here?” You heard a swift movement to the right of you, but as you turned, nothing was there.

“Orrr, here?” Now, you felt something brush your left side, but once again, when you turned to look, you were greeted only by Casper.

“How about here?” His voice was suddenly quieter but closer, more intimate.

You felt his frame against your back.

“Kolya!” you jolted in reflex, dropping the laundry basket—not expecting Nikolai to appear right behind you—but then, he surprised you even more by turning your face to the side and crashing his lips into yours.

He was so tall that he could easily lean over you to kiss you from behind your back.

You made a muffled squeal, and in the next moment, Nikolai had you against the wall with your hands above your head.

He stared at you as if nothing else in the world mattered because he already knew the reaction he would get out of you. You felt so shy and vulnerable under his complete gaze, but Nikolai was also mean—he didn’t allow you to move an inch to save face.

He wanted to enjoy the full show.

“H-hey! You can at least blink…” you blurted out when he finally let your face go, though he immediately grabbed you again seconds after.

“Hm? What’d you say, dove?” he asked, kissing you again. Your cheeks were flushed, and your lips were so soft and tasted like candy—how could he not be greedy for more?

“You’re so cute, baby!” he exclaimed when he finally pulled back. You were panting—Nikolai showed no mercy when he wanted you to himself.

But you still smiled in return when he gently bopped you on the nose with his mouth, a stark contrast to what he just did.

“Ah, did I get carried away?” He only then noticed you out of breath. “Sorry, I just missed you so much!”

“It’s alright,” you replied, hugging him, the scent of strawberry cake lingering on his body. “Though, whatever happened to a hi; hello?”

“You’ll never get anything boring from me, dove,” Nikolai giggled. “That’s one thing I’m certain of.”

SIGMA treats you like the most precious thing in the world, a princess. you need your shoes tied? oh, he’s on the floor with the laces. you need to go somewhere? he’s driving you there. you want to visit the sky casino? he would rig all the games so that you’d win every time. sigma is sweet and polite—he would always make sure you are fine with something before going ahead with it.

“How about here? I think this is a nice spot.”

“Okay! Let’s set our stuff here then.”

You and Sigma set down everything you brought for your evening picnic on the hills. The spot he had pointed out was directly in front of the sun setting behind the mountains, its golden glow bathing the earth in the day’s final hour of light.

Once all the food was organized on the blanket, you took out a couple of ribbons from your pocket.

“Do you want me to help you?” Sigma asked as you tried to figure out where to put them in your already-styled hair without a mirror. He noticed your struggle.

“Oh! Sure,” you replied with a shy smile, and immediately after, he was behind you, taking the braids in your hair and tying the ribbons onto those.

“Thank you,” you replied when he was done, and when Sigma stepped back, he smiled in admiration.

“Of course.” He took your hand as you both sat beside each other.

“It’s so pretty here.” You turned to face the mountains, the sun halfway below the horizon. “You were right; this is the perfect spot!”

You looked back at Sigma, but it seemed like he paid no attention to the view at all. His eyes were only on you.

“…Sigma?”

“Y-you look really pretty,” he said, eyes not leaving once you made eye contact with him.

“…Can I kiss you?”

Immediately, you felt your heart melt because your lover was so innocent and lovely. You had been together for months, yet he was still asking for permission to kiss you.

“Of course, Sigma! We’re literally dating, you can kiss me whenever you want.”

“O-okay!” You giggled at his smitten reaction.

You closed your eyes and puckered your lips in a dramatic act of preparation.

It seemed you had been mistaken, though. Because, he had kissed you on the forehead.

“O-Ohh—oops, I thought you meant-”

But then, Sigma’s lips were over yours. His hand that wasn’t holding yours gently guided your face towards his. His touches were all tender, expressing how much he adored you.

You wrapped your own free hand around his neck, pulling him closer. You opened your eyes slightly to take a peek, seeing his own were fluttered closed under such pretty eyelashes, and his expression content, basking in your comfort.

It was as if you and him finally breaking away was the moon’s cue to rise. The sun had set entirely by the time you were done, shades of warm-toned colored clouds left as a trail.

“That was sneaky of you, Sigma,” you laughed, cheeks warm and your head a bit hazy from how everything in the setting was so dreamy. “You tricked me by going for my forehead first.”

“I wasn’t going to kiss you straight-up like that! It was intimidating, you just waiting!”

You laughed some more, seeing his own cheeks tint a light shade of pink. “Come on, let’s eat.”

if u rb this post, i heard that ur fav will kiss u tn! reblogs are cherished; they support me as a creator. <3

© aureatchi 2023. no reposts or translations. do not steal.

[writteninlunarlight-years]

I havent been able to sleep; so in celebration, can you do headcannons for how Alastor and Lucifer from Hazbin Hotel would react to you falling asleep on their shoulder? Thank you lovely <3

He was working on his next broadcast report with your help, of course. However, the work had prolonged into the late hours of the night.

You were already in PJs and had been yawning repeatedly during the conversation.

He had asked you to go to bed at least five times in the last hour.

He knew you were too stubborn, though, to listen, and instead, he opted to just give you an excellent old-fashioned I told you so.

What he wasn't expecting, though, was for your head to fall right on his shoulder

He was overwhelmed someone was touching him without his explicit permission; however, as he rationalized the situation, he seemed to calm down.

You were so warm, and you weighed barely anything against his shoulder. Just cause he looks like a twig doesn't mean he can't handle any weight.

Alastor wouldn't lie. Your company was enjoyable to an extent; he liked having someone to bounce horrific ideas to without being judged too severely.

However, he hadn't realized how comfortable he had been with you. Enough so that his first reaction wasn't to behead you for this action.

As he contemplated internally about this newfound relationship brewing, you kept dozing.

Once he concluded he didn't mind this as much as he thought he should have, he returned to work.

As Alastor grew tired, though, he had a new problem he didn't expect.

He didn't want to risk waking you in his attempt to escape to the confines of his own room.

He was used to pulling all nighters for the radio show, I mean come on overlords never stop. So he was willing to sacrifice today if it meant letting you get the sleep you needed.

The only problem was that about an hour later, Alastor was deep in sleep, with his head leaning against yours.

He would never admit it, but the weight of your head on him was comforting and felt nice.

Alastor hated being vulnerable like this, but tonight, he could allow it because who knows when he will allow you to sit so closely again?

Per Charlie's request, everyone was downstairs in their PJs with a pillow and blanket, ready to watch a movie marathon.

She believed a big group sleepover/movie night would be perfect for everyone to bond.

Each inhabitant had chosen a movie to go on her magical wheel of choices.

Lucifer noticed how tired you were as you progressed through the shows.

You were still new to hell, and the ups and downs of a new sleep cycle weren't set yet.

He asked you three times if you wanted to head to bed and sleep, and Charlie wouldn't mind, but you declined.

As the last movie ended and Charlie put in one more, he felt a weight on his shoulder.

Looking over, he found you utterly dead to the hells around you.

He wouldn't lie. It was adorable, and he tried hard not to fangirl at the action.

He had always wanted something like this to happen. It was just the picture-perfect movie scene.

He also couldn't lie; he was pretty attached to you, being the one Charlie tasked with showing you around when you arrived.

He felt this would solidify a new chapter of whatever your relationship was.

If you felt safe enough to sleep on The King of Hell, then he was sure he had made progress in your life as much as you had in his.

Lucifer thought that he would be awake for hours with the excitement coursing through him.

He liked the weight of your head on him and how it made him feel grounded in the moment.

However, as the last movie ended and Charlie turned on the lights to let everyone go to bed, she saw her father with his head atop yours.

After forty million awwws from Charlie and pictures taken, she left you two to sleep.

[barcaatthemoon]

atlas || ingrid engen x mapi leon x reader ||

mapi and ingrid help you relax after a rough week.

minors dni, 18+, smut ahead.

the physical and emotional weight of your workload was dragging you down. mapi was the first to realize it, and once she did, the first person she went to was ingrid. ingrid had a way of relaxing you that mapi knew she couldn't pull off. the woman had a tendency of being a little too energetic for that. however, it seemed that this time, ingrid couldn't really help you either.

they both hated it, but mapi and ingrid had no choice but to wait for all of you to be on a break to bring it up. a lot of things had been happening at barcelona, so you were very busy as social media director. your promotion had seemed like a blessing at first, especially since it meant that you could travel with your girlfriends everywhere that they went. however, all of that travel really cut into the time you had to organize everything else.

"i miss her," mapi sighed as she watched you fast asleep on the couch. it was obvious that you hadn't meant to fall asleep like that with your laptop and several notebooks open. you had been working, despite ingrid and mapi's insistence that you come with them out for the day. they had tried to have a good time, but mapi couldn't knowing that you were still in the apartment.

"it's been hard, especially on her. i mean, look at her," ingrid said as she nodded towards you. mapi let out a little whine as she looked at you. even in your sleep, the stress of your job was evident. they knew that this was temporary, mapi remembered when she first signed to barcelona years ago when you initially had been brought in as an intern. you always had a bit of a struggle starting out, but eventually, you'd find your footing.

"i could cry," mapi muttered quietly. ingrid had just barely heard her. if it was anybody other than you, ingrid would have been deleriously jealous of the way that mapi loved and cared for you. she knew that while mapi had been dating her for longer, you had been in her life longer. you were one of mapi's best friends first, and so, ingrid knew what to expect.

"we can let her sleep, and then do something special for her tonight," ingrid suggested. mapi nodded as she let ingrid pull her away from the living room. you slept the entire day away, waking up only when mapi physically picked you up and carried you into the dining room. you were still very tired as you ate, but the food did a lot to energize you a bit.

"what's the occasion?" you asked, not missing the way that both of your girlfriends were dressed up a bit more. mapi shrugged the question off as she tried to pretend that everything was normal. ingrid, however, was more than happy to give a reason for the little show.

"we are celebrating you, and all of the hard work you've been doing lately," ingrid said softly. she got up to carry your plate into the kitchen for you, kissing the top of your head as well as mapi's as she passed.

"i'm sorry if i haven't been very attentive," you apologized. mapi shook her head as she took your hands in hers. "i've been busy, and i know that you hate being left to your own devices. you need me too, not just the club."

"it's okay, i understand, i do. tonight, don't think about any of that. let ingrid and me take care of you, please bebita." if it wasn't for the way that mapi as looking at you, you might have gone back to your work for the night. "you've been working so hard."

"i'm so tired of it," you admitted. you sounded like you were on the verge of tears, so mapi did what she knew would help you calm down. she dropped your hands to grab your cheeks, pulling you in gently for a kiss. you kissed her back, moaning into it as you felt her deepen it. you sat forward in your seat, like you were prepared to crawl into her lap at any moment. the two of you could have kept going forever like that until ingrid interrupted you.

"come on, let's move this to the bedroom." ingrid guided the two of you away from the table. you broke the kiss with mapi once you were in ingrid's arms, turning your attention to her instead. ingrid picked you up and carried you into the bedroom, walking strong despite the kisses you were pressing to her neck. mapi followed behind ingrid, taking the opportunity to feel her up on the short walk to the bedroom.

ingrid laid you down on the bed gently, and mapi moved around her to get behind you. almost immediately, you could tell how the night would go. it was rare that they both focused solely on you, but you were grateful for the distraction. it wouldn't last forever, but they'd be taking a good amount of the weight of your work off from your shoulders from the night.

mapi's hands settled on your hips, squeezing gently as she peppered the side of your face in kisses. ingrid was laying between your legs, effectively pinning you against mapi's body as the two of them kissed you. it was a lot, but you were more than happy to just go along with whatever they wanted.

you trusted both women with your body completely. they knew the things that you liked, and sometimes, you swore they knew what you needed before you did. on your own, you would have tried to rush things, but they were taking things so slow with you. even mapi, who had a tendency to get a little ahead of herself in these situations.

they took their time undressing you and themselves. the feeling of their skin against yours made it hard for you to think. mapi could tell that you were having a hard time keeping up, so she backed away just enough for you to focus on ingrid. the taller woman kissed you slowly, but it wasn't without an almost overwhelming amount of emotion.

you didn't know how she did it, but ingrid always kissed you with her entire being. from every little peck as she left the apartment to the way she'd completely take your breath away. you swore that you could feel the love and concern ingrid had for you as she kissed you. it was enough for you to get a little lost in the feeling of her lips, but still gentle enough for you to easily slip away if you needed it. ingrid wouldn't judge you, knowing that occasionally you weren't up for this sort of thing when you were stressed.

"you look so pretty kissing ingrid," mapi whispered in your ear. she turned towards ingrid before she spoke up again, "you're taking such good care of our bebita, ingrid."

"i want more, please," you told them. mapi took that as her cue to come back a little more. her hands moved along your sides until you moved them onto your breasts. mapi's fingers teased your nipples as your hips ground against ingrid's thigh. ingrid bit her lip as she felt how wet you already were from just kissing them. it was going to be easy to get you to cum for the first time, and while ingrid wanted to spend all night between your legs, she wouldn't push you any further than what you could handle.

"do you want my fingers or my mouth, bebita?" ingrid asked you. she was usually adamant about not speaking spanish in the house, but that pet name had always stuck. technically, mapi had been calling you her bebita long before either of you had figured out your feelings for each other. ingrid remembered her hesitation about seeing mapi because of you, and in hindsight, she felt a little ridiculous about it now.

"mouth please," you answered. ingrid gave you one last kiss before she moved down to lay in between your legs. mapi turned your head towards her, pulling you into a gentle kiss as ingrid's hands came up to rest on the insides of your thighs.

unlike ingrid's kisses, mapi's rarely ever managed to stay as gentle as they started. the press of mapi's lips against yours quickly turned into something much firmer, not that you minded. you nipped at mapi's lip a little, which earned you a slightly rougher pinch to your nipple than before.

"mapi," ingrid warned. mapi's cheeks heated up at the warning. you bit your lip as she moved around your body to press a kiss to where she had just pinched you. ingrid watched as your hips bucked forward at the contact. she shot mapi a look, one urging for the tattooed woman to stay there until you pulled her back for more kisses.

"do you want this bebita?" mapi asked you. you could still feel enough of mapi's body behind you to feel safe and comfortable, but that need was quickly being replaced by the feel to feel both of their mouths on your body.

"please," you whined. mapi didn't need to be told twice, and she mvoed back in with her mouth at the same time as ingrid. mapi peppered your breasts with kisses as her fingers teased your nipples. ingrid's tongue was making lazy figure 8 motions in between your legs, just barely grazing along where you wanted her to. the two of them worked together well, almost perfectly in sync despite not having had to talk one another through anything.

"shh," mapi cooed softly as she lifted her head a little. the noises you were making quickly began to jumble together. you were whining and whimpering as you started to move more. ingrid didn't want to grab your hips and pin you down, so mapi took it upon herself to kiss you to calm you down. your nails scratched against the side of her face a little, but mapi didn't let it distract her from swallowing up every moan and whimper that threatened to escape from your lips. "you're doing so good, it's okay. let ingrid do her thing."

"fuck, fuck, fuck," you repeated again and again. mapi felt your body tense on top of hers, and that was when she knew you were gone. as loud as you could be while being fucked, you always went dead silent when you came. ingrid began to back away, stopping only when she heard you and mapi talking to each other. the little confessions of love after sex were secrectly mapi's favorite. if she was ever asked, you knew that she'd say something cocky about the way you looked cumming on her fingers or strap, but truthfully, she loved the way you curled into her as the two of you showered each other in love and adoration.

"rest now," ingrid said as she took the spot next to you on the bed. mapi slipped away to get something to clean you up with as you and ingrid lazily made out on the bed. you were so tired, enough so that you were ready to fall asleep right there in her arms. ingrid kept you awake and distracted enough for mapi to clean you up and pick out some clothes for all of you to wear to bed.

"thank you, i think i needed this," you mumbled against ingrid's chest. this time, ingrid laid in between you and mapi, both of you with your head resting against ingrid's chest. ingrid had one hand on mapi's back and the other in your hair, both of them scratching lightly. "i love you, both of you."

"we love you too," mapi told you. she reached over and twirled a strand of your hair around her finger.

"whenever you need us, don't hesitate to ask," ingrid said. you glanced up at her and smiled. you couldn't help it, there was rarely ever a time you could remember not smiling when you saw ingrid. "we'll always be here to take care of you, in whatever ways you need."

[nico-di-genova]

Parts of Blue Beetle I cannot stop thinking about

Jaime’s Gotham U hoodie. I need it. I must buy it immediately. @ DC pls give it to me.

Milagro and Jaime sitting on the roof sharing a drink and just talking. It’s familiar for them, something they’ve probably been doing since they were kids

Milagro drinking too, which feels like SUCH a big brother move on Jaime’s part. Like yeah, sure you can drink, but only where I can keep an eye on you so you don’t do anything stupid.

The way Jaime feels like an adult in some ways and like a little kid still in others. They really nailed the early/mid twenties feeling of being a child trapped in an adults body.

No one pressuring Jaime to get a job and save the house/help his dad. It’s a pressure he’s solely placed upon himself, this sense of responsibility that he’s meant to pull them up and out, even though they never asked anything more from him then to be their Jaime.

The beetle merging scene, horrifying. Looked like something straight out of the exorcist.

When Jaime and Jenny almost kissed, and Jaime was left like half hard and embarrassed. So real of him. It was also another moment that just felt real, even if it was played for laughs.

Milagro during the entire Reyes house attack scene. Like Jesus she had me sobbing so hard. The way she was so visibly scared and crying for her mom, looking at Jaime and practically begging for his help. She was just a scared little kid who wanted her family, who wanted her big brother to come make everything better.

When Rudy was talking about Alberto bringing him over the border when he was ten and Alberto was 19. It’s such a short but emotional scene, and it really adds to the character dynamics. You see Alberto as more than Jaime’s dad, but this kid who also was once scared and overwhelmed by his responsibilities, but still shouldered them because it’s all he could do.

Milagro wearing her dads jacket for the rest of the movie :(. I love her, she deserves the world.

The absolute rage and fear on Jaime’s face as he was forcibly ripped away from his family, unable to do anything, as his father suffered a heart attack right in front of him. The sheer amount of terror he must have felt to realize in that moment that he was powerless and to see his sister sobbing over their father’s body while he couldn’t get to her. Jaime Reyes is a better man than I will ever be, because if I’d gotten my hands on Victoria or Carapax it would have been over for them. Also the way he just kept screaming dad/papa like a little kid calling for their parent after waking up from a nightmare :(. He’s just a kid, he thought he would come home and fix everything and instead he has to watch it all fall apart in front of him.

Jaime and Milagro in general, best siblings. I’d die for them :)

[its-avalon-08]

it all fell down (ln4)

part8

multipart story! part1 part2 part3 part4 part5 part6 part7

✦ pairing - lando norris x female reader

summary : lando norris and y/n were friends for 20 years, fell in love and dated for five. until it all fell down. they left each others lives abruptly and never spoke again, until they met again in the most unexpected way. can they find their way back or will certain scars never heal?

As Y/N walked away from Lando, she felt the lingering warmth of his embrace on her skin. Her heart was still racing, and every step she took felt heavier than the last. She tried to focus on the business she had to attend to in the paddock, but her mind was spinning, replaying the hug, his voice, and the way he had looked at her.

I’m not over him. I thought I’d moved on, convinced myself that I could live without him, but… seeing him, talking to him, feeling his arms around me again… I can’t breathe. It’s like the last two years didn’t happen. Like we’re right back where we started.

She absentmindedly flipped through some documents, pretending to be engaged in the meeting she was supposed to be attending. The words on the pages blurred as her thoughts kept drifting back to Lando.

Why does he still have this effect on me? I was so sure I could handle seeing him, that we’d just be polite, distant even. But the moment he looked at me, it was like all the walls I built just crumbled. I can’t do this. I can’t pretend I don’t still love him. Maybe I never stopped.

Meanwhile, Lando was in the Red Bull garage, surrounded by the familiar sounds of engines roaring and mechanics chatting. But all of it seemed distant, like he was in a fog. He absentmindedly nodded as his engineers discussed strategy, his thoughts entirely consumed by Y/N.

What just happened? he wondered, still feeling the ghost of her touch on his skin. I thought I was over her. I thought I had moved on with my life, but the second she looked at me with those eyes, I was done for. All those feelings I tried to bury just came rushing back. How am I supposed to focus on anything else when she’s here?

He clenched his fists, trying to ground himself, but it was no use. His mind was fixated on her. She apologized. She meant it. I could see it in her eyes. But it’s more than that. Being near her again, it felt… right. Like something that was broken inside me is slowly starting to heal.

Lando’s heart raced, his thoughts tumbling over each other. I’m not over her. I thought I was, but seeing her again… I still love her. It’s terrifying because I don’t know if I can go through that pain again. But I also don’t know if I can stand not being with her.

Y/N, on the other side of the paddock, was having similar thoughts. She tried to push them down, to focus on the tasks at hand, but her mind refused to cooperate. Why does this have to be so complicated? she thought, her frustration bubbling up. I just want to go back to when things were simple, when it was just him and me, and nothing else mattered.

She bit her lip, feeling tears prick at her eyes again. I was so sure I could handle this, that I was strong enough to be around him and not fall apart. But now… now I’m realizing that maybe I never really moved on. Maybe I’ve just been lying to myself this whole time.

Both Lando and Y/N, in their separate worlds, were grappling with the same realization. They weren’t over each other. Not even close. And the thought was both exhilarating and terrifying.

Lando sighed, leaning against the wall of the garage, his thoughts swirling. She’s always been the one. Maybe we were meant to find our way back to each other. But how do we even start? After everything that’s happened… can we really make this work?

Y/N, lost in her own world of confusion, felt the weight of the realization settle over her. I’m not over him. And I don’t know if I ever will be. But maybe… maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s not about moving on, but about figuring out how to move forward… together.

And as they both stood, lost in their thoughts, the world around them continued on, unaware of the storm raging inside them.

time skip

Lando leaned against the wall of the garage, trying to focus on the strategy meeting, but his mind was elsewhere, replaying every moment he had just shared with Y/N. Carlos noticed Lando’s distracted state and nudged Max, signaling him to follow. The two drivers cornered Lando as soon as the meeting ended.

“Mate, you good?” Carlos asked, concern etched on his face.

Lando shook his head, trying to shake off the tension in his chest. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… a lot on my mind.”

Max crossed his arms, studying Lando carefully. “It’s Y/N, isn’t it?”

Lando’s jaw tightened at the mention of her name. He tried to play it off, but Carlos knew him too well. “You still care about her, don’t you?”

Lando sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, man. Seeing her again… it just brought everything back.”

Carlos frowned. “You two were so good together. What happened?”

Lando clenched his fists, the memories of their breakup flooding his mind. What didn’t happen?

flashback to lando’s pov:

They were standing in the middle of their shared apartment, voices raised, the air thick with anger and resentment. Lando could still see the look of hurt in Y/N’s eyes, the way her hands trembled as she pointed at him.

Lando paced the living room, his hands trembling with frustration. He felt trapped, suffocated by the expectations, the demands, and most of all, the person he thought he’d always love. Y/N stood by the doorway, her eyes wide with a mix of hurt and disbelief.

“I can’t keep doing this, Y/N,” Lando finally snapped, his voice cutting through the silence. “You don’t get it. You’ve never fucking understood what it’s like to be me!”

Y/N flinched, her voice shaky but resolute. “And you don’t get what it’s like to be with someone who’s always gone! Always focused on anything but us! I’ve tried to be patient, Lando, but it feels like you don’t even want to try anymore.”

Lando stopped pacing, his gaze turning cold. “Maybe I don’t. Maybe I’m tired of pretending that everything’s okay when it’s not. You’ve become this… this weight around my neck, Y/N. I can’t breathe around you.”

The words stung as they left his mouth, but he couldn’t stop himself. The frustration and resentment had been building for so long.

Y/N’s eyes filled with tears, but her voice rose in defiance. “You think this is easy for me? Watching you chase your dreams while mine have to wait? I’ve supported you through everything, and all I ask is for a little support in return. But you can’t even give me that.”

Lando’s fists clenched at his sides, anger bubbling over. “Support? You want support? All you do is nag and complain! You’re never happy with anything I do! Maybe if you weren’t so damn needy, I wouldn’t feel like I’m fucking drowning!”

Y/N’s face crumpled, but she held her ground. “Needy? I’m fucking needy because I want to feel like I matter to you? Because I want to feel like I’m still a part of your life? You’ve been shutting me out for months, Lando! Do you even love me anymore?”

Lando’s jaw tightened as he struggled to find an answer. But the only thing that came out was the cold, bitter truth. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can love someone who makes me feel like this.”

Y/N’s breath caught, her heart breaking at his words. But she refused to let him see her crumble. “Maybe we’re both better off without each other, then. Maybe this was all just a mistake.”

The room fell silent, the weight of her words hanging in the air. Lando felt his heart twist in his chest, but his pride wouldn’t let him take it back. He nodded stiffly, his voice hollow. “Maybe it was.”

end of flashback

Lando blinked, the memory so vivid it made his chest ache. He could still feel the sting of her words, the way his heart had shattered when she walked out the door and never looked back.

Carlos and Max exchanged a look, sensing the turmoil in their friend. Max placed a hand on Lando’s shoulder. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But we’re here for you, man.”

Lando nodded, his voice barely above a whisper. “It was bad. We both said things we didn’t mean. But… I can’t forget it. It still hurts.”

Meanwhile, in another part of the paddock, Y/N was deep in conversation with Oscar and Charles. They had noticed her distant demeanor and cornered her as soon as she finished her meeting.

“Y/N, you’ve been quiet since we got here,” Oscar said, his tone gentle. “What’s going on?”

Y/N sighed, hugging her arms to her chest. “I ran into Lando earlier. It just… it brought back a lot of memories.”

Charles frowned. “You two were really close. It must be hard seeing him again.”

Y/N nodded, her mind drifting back to the breakup, the painful words that had ended everything.

flashback to y/n’s pov:

She had never felt so alone as she did in that moment, standing in the apartment she had once called home, facing the man she had loved for so long. The man who was now looking at her with cold, distant eyes.

“Why can’t you just talk to me?” she had pleaded, her voice shaking with emotion. “I need to know what’s going on with you, Lando. I can’t keep guessing.”

But Lando had only grown more frustrated, his voice rising in anger. “You think I have time to sit down and talk about my feelings? I’m trying to hold everything together here, Y/N. And all you ever do is ask for more.”

Y/N had felt her heart breaking, the pain of his words cutting deep. “All I ever wanted was to be there for you. But you keep shutting me out. It’s like you don’t even want me around anymore.”

Lando had thrown his hands up in exasperation. “Maybe I don’t! Maybe I need space, and you’re just… always there, needing something from me.”

Y/N had felt the tears spill over, the hurt turning into anger. “You don’t even see me anymore. All you see is your career, your fame. What about us? What about what we had?”

“I can’t keep doing this, Y/N,” Lando’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts, sharp and full of anger. “You don’t get it. You’ve never understood what it’s like to be me!”

The words hit her like a slap. She had always tried to understand, to be there for him, but it was never enough. “And you don’t get what it’s like to be with someone who’s always gone! Always focused on anything but us! I’ve tried to be patient, Lando, but it feels like you don’t even want to try anymore.”

Lando’s cold gaze met hers, and for a moment, she thought she saw a flicker of regret. But then he spoke, his words cutting her to the core. “Maybe I don’t. Maybe I’m tired of pretending that everything’s okay when it’s not. You’ve become this… this weight around my neck, Y/N. I can’t breathe around you.”

The pain in her chest was overwhelming, but she refused to let him see how much it hurt. “You think this is easy for me? Watching you chase your dreams while mine have to wait? I’ve supported you through everything, and all I ask is for a little support in return. But you can’t even give me that.”

Lando’s face twisted in anger, and when he spoke again, his words were like poison. “Support? You want support? All you do is nag and complain! You’re never happy with anything I do! Maybe if you weren’t so damn needy, I wouldn’t feel like I’m fucking drowning!”

Y/N felt the tears spill over, but she refused to back down. “Needy? I’m fucking needy because I want to feel like I matter to you? Because I want to feel like I’m still a part of your life? You’ve been shutting me out for months, Lando! Do you even love me anymore?”

The silence that followed was deafening, and when Lando finally spoke, it felt like the ground had been ripped out from under her. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can love someone who makes me feel like this.”

Y/N’s world shattered at those words, but she forced herself to stay strong. “Maybe we’re both better off without each other, then. Maybe this was all just a mistake.”

She watched as Lando’s expression hardened, his voice distant and empty. “Maybe it was.”

She had left then, not wanting to stay another moment in a place that was filled with so much pain. But as she walked away, she had felt a part of her die, the part that had loved Lando with everything she had.

end of flashback

Y/N blinked back tears, the memory still raw even after all this time. She looked at Oscar and Charles, who were watching her with concern.

“I said some horrible things,” she admitted, her voice trembling. “I pushed him away when he needed me the most. And he… he hurt me in ways I never thought he could. But I still… I still care about him. And that scares me.”

Charles sighed, pulling her into a comforting hug. “You two were both under a lot of pressure. It’s understandable that things got heated. But maybe it’s time to forgive yourself, Y/N. You can’t keep carrying this weight around.”

Oscar nodded in agreement. “It’s clear that you both still care about each other. Maybe this is your chance to start over. Or at least find some closure.”

Y/N leaned into the hug, feeling the warmth of their support, but the pain of the past still lingered, refusing to let go.

taglist ---> @misspygmypie @kol67-t @sltwins @f1fantasys @sarx164 @imboredway2much @demandealalune e @elz-xo o @bellelovesharryy @hey-there9-its-me @marauders-wife @itsjustfranzi @l-sofiamia-l @ironmaiden1313 @01rrdbull @avni-sarai

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[myouicieloz]

Love me back

Yoo Jimin x university student!reader

Synopsis: she wants to let go. you need her to let go. none of you can.

Warnings: nsfw. smut. biting. angsty I guess.

Word count: 2.5k

Notes: my darlings <3

Karina didn’t turn to look when you sat beside her in the park. She knew who it was. She called you herself, not many minutes ago.

Hey

Ik we’re fighting, but could you come, please?

An address. Another message, too, after a few minutes. Almost as if she were wary of sending it.

It’s cold.

You stared at your phone as the bubble kept going on and off in your conversation, until it stopped. Finally, she’d decided. About that, at least.

And I miss you

Needless to say, you went to meet her. You’d never deny her anything, no matter how much you wanted to. No matter how much she deserved so.

You found her sitting on a wooden bench, staring at the lake with a red nose and cold hands. You could tell she was freezing, even with the thick jacket she wore, yet you didn’t move to take yours off and offer it to her. No, you two were long past this.

“I’ve had a stressful week.” She sighed, hiding her face in her hands. Like the usual, she didn’t directly acknowledge you, and you knew why. You’ve been doing this long enough to know that this was all you meant to her: an escape.

A distraction, if you were lucky enough.

“You always do.” Your words were as apathetic as your face, serious as you shove your hands into your pockets, trying to suppress a shiver yourself. It was freezing cold indeed, so whatever it was that had Karina pissed must’ve been something serious, to have her out of the dorms so late at night.

You were curious, although not curious enough to give in just yet. After moments of waiting for her to say something, anything, you rolled your eyes, sitting beside her on the wooden bench. She closed hers, depriving herself of the grand view of the river, and rested her head on the crook of your neck. You allowed her to do so, naturally.

There’s very little you’d not let her do to you.

“Aren’t you tired of this?”

“No.” Her answer is immediate, steam coming from the heavy breath she’d let out. “I could never get tired of you.”

Perhaps she was truthful in her words. You loved her, and you knew she loved you too, in her own way. It would never work out: with her being an idol, famous and successful, and you being just a university student. You were aware of that, and it was the reason you promised yourself to not answer her calls, whenever she reached out for you; you’d only get hurt, in the end — the right thing to do would be to end it, to protect yourself and your feelings.

However, as much as she did mean the empty promises she gave you, Karina knew just what to say to lure you in. Not just your body, the idol knew your soul too well. Her words were, most of the time, carefully calculated to break out your boundaries and get you to do whatever it was that she wanted you to. Even though you knew her tricks, you couldn’t help but to fall into her web every time.

She sighed, shrinking as she hummed against your neck, sniffing your perfume. Still the one she’d given you on your birthday, she was pleased to note. “Can I go to your house?”

Her voice was just as small and quiet as she made herself be, hugging her knees under the moonlight. Even in all her confidence, she was still a bit wary; afraid this would be the day you finally realized she was too damaging to you. She’s deeply afraid you’d leave her. She loves you — it’s complicated, but oh, how she does. She can’t fathom losing you.

“Not to talk, I assume.” Your tone, usually playful, was still serious. Karina moved her head from you, urging to be able to look in your face. Your beautiful face, kind and sweet and made to love her, staring at her with a blank expression — much different from the look of love you had before.

But that was ages ago, when you were both naive and pure, not at all ruined by the idol world. After all, generally, love is not enough.

The older girl shook her head, carefully observing your actions. “No, not to talk.”

You sighed. Unfortunately, you couldn’t help it: Karina was a siren, the holy sounds of her moans luring you in until you found yourself so deep in the water there was no other option but to drown.

You were, indeed, so exhausted of this cycle. One of her calling you solemnly when she wanted to rant or fuck until she was spaced out enough to forget her problems away for a few hours. She didn’t show any interest in your likings, your hobbies, or your friends. It was crystal clear that you were nothing but a stress relief to her.

Still, you were weak. Unfortunately, you loved Karina wholeheartedly, and you were eager to get whatever she wanted to give to you, no matter how much your logic was against it. How could you not? The sex was too good.

Aware of that, you got up, still refusing to display any emotions once you started walking, knowing she’d follow.

-

There is no warmth in your kiss. You bumped into the sofa, hurrying to the bedroom without separating your mouth from Karina’s. Her clothes were nearly ripped off her body, her sharp fingers doing the same with yours. It’s been too long since you had touched her pale, soft skin — you feel such lust for her in your heart, you nearly suffocate. Your desire for her body —for the little she gives you, it all drives you insane. It isn’t healthy, being on her will 24/7 and bending to all her wishes, but again, you can’t help it. She’s lured you in.

You positioned yourself between her legs, moving her long, raven hair from her face so you’d be able to stare at her properly. She looked flawless, impeccable, and waiting for you to take whatever you wanted to. It was just how she was: you could take and take, yet she’d never give you what you truly wanted.

Pretty girl with a pretty mind and a rotten soul, every sacred inch of her curves sculptured to leave you damned. To hurt you.

You sighed, biting her lips, then her skin. You loved to see your artwork on her— almost like a small victory. “What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to hurt.” She breathed deeply, hot moans coming from her mouth as you placed slow, wet kisses on her neck. “I deserve it.”

Kissing the space between her chest, you, murmur. “I’ve dreamed about being able to do so many times. Unfortunately, I can’t. I fucking can’t.”

She ignored your words, pulling you in for another messy kiss.

Karina always promised herself she’d stop reaching out to you. She knew you’d always give her attention, and part of her truly wished she could stop hurting you. She had never intended to. But she was also weak, and she needed you too much. How could she let go of you, when you were the only person who knew the real her? You’re the keeper of her dreams, her insecurities, her deep, darkest fears.

“You should.” Her voice had no trace of humor, as she traced her sharp nails through your jaw, forcing your mouth open. You knew her well enough to recognize the silent mocking, silently glad for your lack of self-respect.

For the sake of peace, you chose to ignore her words. Getting up, you delighted yourself with the way her eyes ravished your body, not at all in a rush while you got the strap she’s used to. She gulped, her mouth watering at the sight presented to her: how beautiful you were, all hers. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t true: you’d always go back to her, in the late hours of the night. She’d just have to call, and you’d drop everything and go.

As it should be.

Back in bed, you spat, spreading your saliva over the plastic toy. Karina had already knelt, salivating in front of you. Your hands grabbed a hold of her hair, shoving her face onto it rather harshly. “Take it.”

And oh, she did. Karina was eager, sucking and mixing your saliva with hers as she took it all in, the silicone gagging her throat and your grip not getting any weaker, forcing her to allow her mouth be fucked even when she started to get dizzy, dark dots appearing in her vision due to the lack of breathing. Only then, you let her go, watching her recompose herself.

“Very good. How much do you want it?” You teased, tone still serious, groping her thin waist until your fingerprints could be seen, reddening her impeccable porcelain skin. Her pretty ass was begging to be bruised, slapped all over, so you did as such.

Karina’s response came from her body, before she could even forge the words to answer you. Her back arched, and lewd, loud moans immediately left her mouth.

“Too m-much.” She gasped, whining once the strap met her entrance, not entering her properly. “Y/n… give me it all, p-please.” Karina pushed her hips back, trying to get you to be quicker.

Ever so impatient, as always. Never in the mood to play your games; they were of no interest to her.

Still, you did not give in, brushing her wet cunt as you pleased, giving her just the tip before pulling it out once again. You felt how hot and desperate she was, which made you hum in pleasure, too. At least she was suffering, in a way.

“Please, my Y/n. I’ll do everything, I promise.” She begged, little tears prickling from her eyes. “Everything you want, I swear. I’ll give you anything. A new laptop, jewels, a car, just say it but please, p-please…” Her pleads got even louder, self-control wearing thin.

It hurt— no, it maddened you to know she thought she could buy you with superficial things. You’ve never asked for any of those, not even when you were (unofficially) together. You’ve never wanted anything but her love. She’d never understand that.

It made you crazy, upset and so damn pissed off that she couldn’t see so.

Huffing, you pushed her down on the bed, entering her whole with your cock’s full length without giving her any time to adjust. It was rough, without a care— just how Karina liked the most.

Your roommates were away for the weekend, thankfully. Karina has always been a vocal mess, specially in bed, but it was obvious her current routine was taking a toll on her; her moans were sinful, the incoherent mumbles she let out making them close to screams, and she was so responsive. Her entire body twitched whenever you’d place your mouth on her skin.

Sucking her lips, then her neck, and oh, she nearly came in the spot when you started biting. Bruising her arms, her abdomen, her waist— your favorite place to mark her. She’d wear your hickeys proudly, smiling and mumbling about how clumsy she had been during rehearsals whenever somebody asked her about it, brushing off their concern.

It was all too much: your bite marks, mouth so hot on top of her, making sure no place was left unattended, paired with your thrusts, hard and fast, her grasps being how much she could breathe in between. Filling her up, adoring her so much.

She loved this.

“Y-you’re the best, my Y/n.” She let out, her body bumping against the mattress. Being loved by you was her favorite thing, she recalled. How could she have ever forgotten about it?

You bit your lip to keep yourself from saying something you’d regret.

“I hate you, for being so pretty.” You told Karina, pinching and twisting her nipples as you thrusted into her, hard and fast. She rolled her eyes, clearly too lost in her pleasure to give your thoughts any attention. You turned her around, eager to be presented with her pretty ass, wiggling with the thrusting motions. You gave it a single slap, a loud whine being followed from the older girl. “I hate you for not loving me back.” You held her by the hips, angling higher so you could reach her g-spot. “And I hate myself for loving you so much.”

Your words, even though they didn’t make much sense in Karina’s current fucked out mind, along with your movements and stimulations, were more than enough to have her reach her high. Letting out a high-pitched cry, Karina came, holding your arms tightly in attempts to not fall apart. You let her do so, assuring she went back to her senses before you could let your body fall beside her, the strap that hung on your hips latched on the ground.

“Will you ever give me anything more than that? More than hiding and being nothing more than a late night fuck?” You asked, straight to the point.

A year ago, you wouldn’t have had the guts to ask such a question. You lacked confidence, and you feared she’d disappear if you such as mentioned whatever it was that you two had.

Not anymore, though. Even more than insecure, you were tired; you couldn’t endure your situation anymore. A few days before her call, you’d made peace with the thought of not having her to yourself anymore. It would be harsh, but it was the best for you. You deserved better.

Even if you would never love anyone more than you loved her.

Karina stayed silent, looking down onto the covers. It’s enough answer for you. Sighing, you got up, handing her clothes and gesturing to the door.

“Then go elsewhere to get whatever you want, next time. Let me be free, Karina, please.” You hated yourself for sounding so miserable, the crack in your tone serving as clear evidence of how hurt you were. You loved her so much, but you couldn’t do this any longer. You needed more.

And Karina, even with all the confidence, money, and influence she had, could never give you such a thing.

She took the cue, doing as told. Her eyes— her big, dark, sad eyes stared at you quietly, and she opened her mouth to say something. After minutes of waiting, though, she doesn’t. Still silent, Karina left, launching you a last sad, pitiful look.

She was a mess; a beautiful, doomed angel, trapped in an industry that saw her as nothing less than a product, made to make money out of, until she was worn out. She struggled, naturally. It was a cruel place, one where people cared very little about her well-being and her actually feelings.

However, Karina was not yours to worry about anymore. Never was, for a fact.

[defrosted69]

Que Sera Sera (Oh Haewon)

Very Fluffy and Haewon like

The larger arm was circling the golden numerals surrounding your watch, and the clock was ticking along as usual. Since you have been waiting for this your entire life, today was meant to be special for you. You got ready for this day by getting up earlier than normal and wearing your best outfit. It has all come down to this after endless days of speech practice and preparation about what to display your crush.. 

You brought her favorite flowers from a nearby flower shop and messaged her to meet in the Bay Area, where you first met. That girl has helped you through your entire life of anguish and pain. She was the sunshine you treasured, and you wanted nothing more than for her to be pure and untouched by civilization. It began with a simple act of assisting her in catching her dog, progressed to becoming friends, and then to falling in love.  

Perhaps it was destiny as many would call it, that you met in the first place. Arriving at the place where it all began you patiently waited. 

Waited. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

But nobody came through. 

The sun was finally setting, and the blue sky had become orange, resembling what many scientists refer to as the golden hour. Even though the meeting time was early, you still had optimism before the clock struck 6 p.m. You sat there on the edge of the sea, watching the small ships sail by and the music the sea was making. Every splash it made put you at rest, and then you heard the voice of the person you'd been waiting for. Your face lit up as you jumped down the wall and saw the girl.

With another man. 

You'd never forget that laugh, which threw your mind off track. Her grin was worth a thousand gold. It was supposed to be you in that position, but it wasn't. The man she was with was making jokes and making her laugh, and it was clear that the two of them loved each other. You watch with a heavy heart as they go past you despite the fact that they are only a few feet away.  

You could feel your heart breaking piece by piece as the girl you love was taken away by another man. Realizations began to surface in your mind as a sour chuckle came out of your mouth. 

"I'm so stupid huh?"

You thought to yourself. Perhaps a little backtracking was required. She never really exhibited interest in you, did she? Sure, you were interested in her, but did she make an effort to pique your interest? Perhaps it was your imagination that led you to believe she was interested when, in fact, she was simply being a nice friend.

You groaned and stared at the boque you purchased. Every flower that was present there represented something. The roses, tulips, and sunflowers were a nice combination, but they now have no meaning. Walking away is the best thing to do right now, and a little drink won't hurt, right?  

However, after a few steps forward, you came to a halt when you heard someone cry. Your gaze travelled in all directions before settling on a girl with her hands over her face, crying. much if you are already upset, witnessing someone else weep makes you feel much worse for them. Your fist clenched as you felt a firm thing in your hand. You had a bouquet of flowers ready to be thrown away right now, but doing so would be a horrible decision. You took a big breath and started your way to the girl. 

"Umm... Excuse me?" 

You called out of the girl. You weren't really sure if this was the best time to be nosy but you have to give the flowers to someone else instead of throwing them. The girl looked up and saw how puffy her eyes looked. 

"She must have been crying for a while now.."

You thought to yourself as you shook that thought off and handed her your bouquet of flowers.

"I know this looks weird but I think you deserve these flowers more than I need them." 

This was your best explanation to her, and to be honest, it was bizarre. Who in their right mind would give a stranger a bouquet of flowers and simply accept them? You were well aware of the repercussions of your actions, but the girl totally removed her hand, revealing her face. It was horrible to see how devastated she appeared, and you may recognize yourself in her because your heart had also been destroyed. 

Haewon just stared at the bouquet of flowers and for some reason, she was captivated by the patter of the flowers that were in there. 

"I know... It's weird for a stranger to give someone I don't know flowers but I hope this would make it less painful?" 

Haewon looked up to see your face. She was able to recognize faces from her fans and individuals she had briefly met, but seeing your face was her first time meeting you, and the agony she was bearing was quickly alleviated by your simple offer. 

Without thinking, Haewon softly accepted the flowers, her eyes ogling them. The perfume was soothing her down, and she could feel a little grin on her lips. You, on the other hand, grinned slightly, knowing that your actions had made someone happy. Perhaps this day served as a lesson for you rather than a heartache. Kindness, after all, was a pleasant sensation.  

"T-Thank you.." 

Haewon weakly said as you could only nod your head. 

"It's alright. Ummm, I'll be going first then. Goodbye."

Your job was done and there was no more reason for you to talk to the girl. She needed time for herself and what you did was the start of her to calm down and pick herself up. 

"Wait!" 

She stopped you on your tracks as you looked behind you to see the girl clinging to the flowers close to her. 

"What's your name?" 

Strangely enough, you felt like saying your name wouldn't be harmful. But considering that you're the one who gave her the flowers, it was only right for her to know your name. 

"Y/n Park." 

She nodded her head and bowed at a particular angle surprising you. 

"Thank you Mr. Park. I will remember your kindness." 

Feeling flustered, you shook off her actions and said

"N-No need to bow that much Miss." 

Haewon straightened herself up and smiled at you. Her grin actually caught your attention. It was ridiculous of you to compare someone, but Haewon's smile reminded you of someone you used to know or was familiar with. Perhaps you've seen that smile before but can't pinpoint where it is. 

"Ah, I almost forgot, I'm Oh Haewon by the way. Nice to meet you." 

"Like wise.. Umm.. See you around Ms. Haewon." 

You wanted to leave right now since you hadn't expected to feel so bewildered meeting someone for the first time. Your brain told you she was someone you knew, but she wasn't someone to you. It confused you so much that it eclipsed your sadness.

Haewon, on the other hand, was smiling broadly as she began to walk back to the JYP office, the bouquet in her hand. People around the building were surprised to find Haewon smiling with flowers in her hand, despite the fact that she had been sorrowful earlier. Your kindness had left a mark on her thoughts, and her members were eager to see her grin.  

"Unnie-eh? Where did you get that?" 

Kyujin canceled her hug to their leader as everyone's interest reached a height. They were worried about her since she had been quite dull or tired for the past few days. Even though they attempted to make her laugh and smile, they knew it wasn't enough, and when she went AFK for the past several hours, they became concerned.

"Oh? A guy gave it to me." 

Her statement made everyone widen their eyes as they all looked surprised and shocked. 

Who was the person that gave their leader a smile that was genuine that they couldn't bring out?

"Another day, another boring working day..." 

You sighed and prepared for your job. You were an officer worker, and despite the monotonous nature of the job, it allowed you to pay your rent and eat. You left your apartment and followed the regular path you normally take to the bus station to wait for the bus. Your gaze was drawn to your phone, and despite the fact that it was empty of text notifications from anyone, you were staring at the most recent message you had sent her.  

You sighed and closed your phone. The bridge that was built around that friendship you had with her was diminished. Repairing it was impossible as your mind was occupied with the moments you two shared. Even though it was one sided, it was still painful for you. 

Arriving at your work office was pretty much the same. Sitting down, opening your computer, checking the files, and printing papers. It was your typical office scenery as you placed your bag below your table. Seeing that you have arrived, a friend of yours peaked over at your table. 

"So how did it go? ~" 

Your friend Yeonjun smiled happily hoping for good news but you just sighed and shook your head. This surprised him as he was sure that you had this in the bag. 

"Eh? Why? I thought last week was the day?" 

"Maybe I was just pondering things. It was a one sided love after all." 

Yeonjun gasped at you. He was for sure thinking that she was the one for you yet it wasn't. Maybe his gut instinct was right. 

"Remember when I told you that something isn't right with the relationship you had with her?" 

"Yeah?" 

"looks like I was right." 

He laughed at you and you could only sigh as what Yeonjun said was right. You were merely blinded by all this stuff she did that you had thought that she likes you. Thinking back on it now, you cringed remembering the things you did for her. 

"Well it's in the past now. Let's forget about it and move on" 

That was your motto in life. That kind of saying has led you into this situation. You weren't complaining, of course, since you believe that nothing in the past is that important, and you should move on with your life. Everything has a purpose for you, thus there was probably a reason you met her.

That's why your heart split into a thousand pieces. 

Sure, the occasion may be lost and become a hazy memory, but the emotions will not. The sensation of heartbreak will return time and again. It may not be exactly what you expected, but it will undoubtedly appear in some form. One example would be when you were watching a film. That movie you were viewing coincided with the period you watched movies with her. It was in that film that you fell for her, and it brought back memories of the sorrow.  

"I guess you're right. But anyway-" 

"Y/n, Chief is asking for you." 

A workmate of yours came near your workplace as you just nodded your head at her. Yeonjun looked at you confused. 

"Why is the chief asking for you? Did you do something?" 

You shrugged your shoulders, unsure. You never failed any previous reports because you always submitted them on time, and sometimes even sooner. The chief was not a scary person, but he was very severe with his employees. To avoid upsetting him, you left your office and walked to the chief's office, knocking before entering his chamber. His workplace table was tidy and well-organized, unlike the majority of the company's employees. 

"Ah, Y/n, take a seat." 

You sat across from him as he took out a folder and handed it to you. You took it and opened it, and the first thing you noticed was the name of the corporation labeled on it. Your eyes widen as you look at the chief in surprise, as he simply grinned and chuckled.. 

"Sir, why is JYP Entertainment on this file sir?" 

"Well you see Y/n, we're sharing our investment to one of its kpop group and I want you to write about the progress of our investment on them especially since their comeback is approaching. I want a full detailed report done after their comeback is done. Got it?" 

Not wanting to disappoint your chief, you accepted it and thanked him for the opportunity. Leaving out of his office, you smiled happily that the chief has trusted you on such an important task at hand. Yeonjun saw your smile and couldn't help but feel intrigued. 

"What's the big smile for? You're getting promoted?" 

"Nope, well, hopefully if I do well on this task, I could get promoted." 

Yeonjun clapped his hand in amusement and support of you. Not wanting to waste any time, you immediately started to work on your computer, researching JYP Entertainment and learning about the stocks of the firms that had invested in it. Your eyes immediately spotted the spikes and falls of each company's inventions on the groups under the label, and you made sure to record them for future reference in your report. 

"Perhaps I should visit JYP entertainment tomorrow."

Your regular work hour consisted of producing reports and researching information. But after the clock struck 7 p.m., it was time to go home. Packing your belongings and exiting the building, you proceeded down the familiar night street. You noticed a billboard showcasing JYP idols, including ITZY, Twice, and Straykids, but one group was unfamiliar to you. But for some strange reason, one idol looked familiar to you. You shrugged your shoulder and started walking, thinking that you'd remember her when the time came.  

The next morning arrived faster than you imagined because you were dressed for work. You left your apartment and were set to go to JYP Entertainment. Your chief has already informed the company of your arrival, as you ensured that all of your belongings were in your suitcase. Grabbing a cab, you informed the driver of your destination while watching the scenery unfold as the taxi passed by buildings and establishments. The ride was brief, as you paid for your taxi and exited the vehicle. You instantly noticed the tall structure in front of you since you didn't anticipate it to be so large.  

"Considering that JYP Ent. Is a huge name, I can't expect less from them now can I?"

You were ready to enter the building when you noticed a girl in distress, looking for something on the ground. When you saw her struggle, you sighed and checked your watch. Ten minutes before the company's board meeting. Perhaps you can afford a minute or two, right?

"Miss? Is everything alright?" 

You asked as the girl looked at your direction but her vision was blurry as she can't properly see you. In desperate help, she nodded her head. 

"Y-Yes, have you seen some glasses nearby? I-I can't properly see without them." 

You decided to aid her after hearing her gentle voice and despair, and there was a pair of glasses on the floor not far from where you two were. You went to fetch it, brushed a few dust particles from the glass, and handed it to her.  

"Here you go miss. I believe this are yours?" 

You handed the girl her glasses, which she quickly placed on her eyes. She smiled cheerfully and bowed at you. You simply brush off her thoughtfulness as you realize how her beautiful eyes drew your attention. She was wearing a mask, so you couldn't see her face, but her eyes revealed that she's a very pretty girl.  

"Thank you Mister for helping me." 

"Ah No it's fine. I'm just trying to help, I guess." 

"Umm.. P-Perhaps your also entering the building mister?" 

"Huh? Oh yeah I am." 

The girl beamed with happiness as she smiled underneath her mask. Although you can't clearly see it, her eyes show that she was smiling underneath her white mask. 

"I-I can help you tour around. Where are you going by the way Mister?" 

"Ah, the board member room? Where meetings happen?" 

You tried your best to describe the place you were heading to as the girl immediately know where that place was. 

"Ah, I know where that is Mister. Follow me." 

The girl walked ahead as you followed her from behind. Entering the building, you were immediately amazed by the interior design as you were at awe. The girl chuckled softly seeing your reaction. 

"Woah, this place is... Amazing." 

"Hehe, well that's JYP for you." 

The two of you entered the elevator and to your surprise, many people suddenly stormed leaving absolutely no space for you or the girl. Not wanting to let her get squished, you used your body to cover her from the crowd but the position for it was awkward to say the least. You were literally balancing yourself with just your feet and arms leaving the girl blushing and her heart pounding so fast. Perhaps it was because of her introverted nature that she immediately picked up what you were trying to do as she couldn't help but feel her heart race. 

As the elevator stopped, the crowd got smaller and smaller until it was just you and her. 

"You alright?" 

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Thank you again for protecting me, Mister."

"Ah, it's nothing. Just uhh.. Trying to help?" 

The girl chuckled at your poor attempt to joke but somehow it worked on her. Realizing that it was just you two in the elevator, you decided to ask for her name. 

"Ah, by the way I'm Y/n Park. And you are?" 

The girl hesitated at first but she ended up saying her name anyway. 

"Seol Yoon-ah. Yoona for short Mister."

As the elevator door opened, you nodded in response to hearing her name. Lily told you that this was his floor, and hers was still much higher. You got off the elevator and thanked her again for her assistance, while Lily simply waved it off and waved you farewell as the elevator door closed. Walking along the strange hallway, your mind was still preoccupied with meeting Lily, and you were relieved that you had already made a friend in the building, as the conference room was within sight. You knocked before entering the room.

Sullyoon on the other hand finally arrived at their practice room as all her members were there ready to start their practice session for the day. Haewon, their Leader, saw Sullyoon entering as she greeted her as she greeted her back. 

"Morning Sully, you sure took your time." 

"Ah well I kinda tripped on the way and my glasses fell of my face so I couldn't see." 

Hearing what Sullyoon said made everyone worry for her as they surrounded her. Sullyoon just smiled and chuckled at her members. Before she would be overwhelmed by this much attention but being together for such a long time now made her already aware of their behaviors. 

"That must have been terrible. Anyway, did you get it back?" 

Bae asked as Jiwoo gave her a stare of disbelief and confusion as her question already had an answer. 

"Unnie, she's literally wearing her glasses now." 

Jiwoo's comment made everyone laugh as Sullyoon chuckled. 

"Well a sweet guy helped me in finding my glasses and also protected me earlier on the elevator." 

Sullyoon smiled and blushed remembering your actions as this reaction got her members thrilled and curious on who made Sullyoon blush. 

"Spill the tea girl." 

Lily said making everyone agree to their oldest as Sullyoon spoke the name that Haewon was familiar with. 

"Y/n Park. I think he's a new employee here." 

The girls squealed except Haewon who had her eyes widened in surprise and in shock. Kyujin seeing their Leader frozen got her curious. 

"Why the long face Unnie?" 

Kyujin's question snapped Haewon out of her trance as she sighed and reminded her members of the bouquet of flowers in their dorm. 

"Remember those flowers that I'm taking care of right now?" 

They all nodded their heads as Haewon smiled brightly captivating her members. 

"He's the same person. I'm sure of it." 

Now it was everyone's turn to act surprised by their leader's claim. Haewon on the other hand was smiling brightly as she can finally meet the person that brought a smile on her face. 

"I know love at first sight is stupid but....I am stupidly in love after all"

. 

. 

. 

The meeting ended after you were presented with a variety of scenarios in which stocks could rise or fall. Overall, your focus was on the group NMIXX, and according to the projections, they have a good possibility of attracting other companies to invest in them, given the tendency of their fame rising with each comeback. That being said, NMIXX is still a long way from the success of the other groups in the organization, but in your opinion, this was a solid step.

Exiting the meeting room, you decided to head to the building's cafeteria to fill in your soft growling stomach. You placed a hand on your stomach as you chuckled. 

"I wonder how I survived that meeting without my stomach growling like a lion"

But the happiness on your face faded when you realized your previous guide, Sullyoon, was no longer with you. You sighed and placed your hand on your brow, knowing that you had to explore this vast and expansive edifice on your own. You retraced your steps in order to find the elevator; however, your initial thought was to ask the receptionist on the ground floor. However, it appears that your desire was so intense that you became disoriented and strayed into new area.  

"I don't think I went pass this one earlier...shit"

You attempted again to recollect your previous steps, but your brain digested food instead. Frustrated that your brain wasn't cooperating with you, you decided to look for a snack bar machine nearby and eat that for lunch. However, it appears like locating a snack bar is like finding the lost city of Atlantis: seemingly impossible. By this point, your hunger had sapped the vitality from your legs, which were about to give way. You stumbled on the floor because your stomach was causing you pain because it was so empty.  

"Damn it. Why is this building so huge anyway!"

You cursed the engineer and architect of this structure on your head, causing their following generation to suffer tremendously. With a sigh, you sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. You wanted to rest your legs a little because the continual walking earlier made them tired, and hunger played a vital role in making you stumble on the floor.. 

But, unbeknownst to you, Haewon was passing by and quickly noticed you. She gasped, not expecting to find you in such a state, as she approached you. Your ears perked up as the heavy footstep became louder by the second. Turning your head in the direction of the stomps, you saw a girl dash towards you like a savage bear, instilling panic within you. Haewon paused her pace as she kneeled in front of you, holding your cheeks and scrutinizing your face.  

"Are you hurt? Are you okay? Do you want to kiss me? Or are you perhaps injured? Ah! Do you want me to take care of you?" 

Everything was moving so fast that your brain couldn't process what was happening. But your eyes did saw Haewons face and there you immediately recognized her. 

"H-Haewon? I mean, Miss Haewon." 

Haewon gasped as she covered her mouth in amazement and in shock. Her cheeks was visibly turning red and her eye pupils wanted to turn into a heart shaped when you said her name. Haewon was glad that you still remembered her and that she couldn't help but feel emotional. 

"Y-You remember me..." 

"Yeah of course I would. It wasn't that long anyw-huh? Are you crying?" 

Haewon suddenly felt so happy that her eyes began to produce tears of joy. You were confused on why would Haewon suddenly start getting teared up. You immediately tried to comfort her by taking out your handkerchief as you offered it to Haewon. 

"He's even offering me his handkerchief... I fucking love him!"

Haewon tumbled into your arms, both of you on the ground, and Haewon hugged you fiercely, inhaling your smell. You were bewildered and baffled as to why Haewon ran toward you, clutching you fiercely.  

"D-Did I do a mistake on giving her those flowers? Hah! We're those flowers poisonous and now she's seeking revenge?!"

Both of you were clearly a dumbass but perfect fit for each other but didn't realize it yet. You stood back up with Haewon holding you tight as you apologized to her. 

"I'm sorry Haewon. I.. I didn't mean to bring harm to you with those flowers.." 

Haewon chuckled and smiled at you. Her eyes looked so warm and showed signs of love. But you were captivated by her smile as her vision of you was glowing.

"Dummy~ Why are you apologizing? I still have those flowers you know." 

"S-So this isn't an act of assault?" 

Haewon but her lips not wanting to laugh but her body betrayed her as she began laughing her ass off. You were visibly confused seeing her act from being sad to suddenly laughing like a lunatic. You feared that Haewon was a crazy girl. 

"Your Funny Y/n. Ah, wait hold on, let me help you up." 

You and Haewon both stood up, and the timing couldn't have been worse. Your stomach growled the loudest, and if you thought embarrassment was bad enough, consider the physical discomfort of an empty stomach. Haewon was quick to react, pulling out a chocolate bar from her pocket and cheerfully giving it to you..

"Here you go Y/n. You might need it more." 

"A-Ah, thanks Haewon. I'll repay you back somehow." 

Haewon just giggled as you munched on the chocolate bar like it was no tomorrow. Without even a minute passing by, the chocolate bar was already gone. And Haewon smiled at you. 

"Looks like someone's hungry."

"So-Sorry." 

Haewon shook her head as she pointed at the nearby elevator. Nearby elevator. nearby. Elevator. 

Oh how stupidly blind are you for not being able to see that an Elevator was just near where you are. A look of disappointment and relief was evident on your face as this got Haewon intrigued. 

"Is something wrong Y/n?" 

"Ah, no, it's just that I was looking for an elevator singe earlier and I just believe that it was right in front of me" 

Haewon laughed at your sweet error as you and Haewon entered the elevator and began talking. She informed you that the flowers you gave her on that day were still alive and in her dorm, which you were delighted to hear. Haewon then began to question why you were at the building after you informed her that you would be supervising your company's financial development on the group NMIXX. Haewon smiled from ear to ear when she heard her group come out of your mouth.. 

"NMIXX has a bright future ahead of them in the industry seeing how amazing their growth is amazing." 

"Well what can I say? They are pretty and talented."

"Is that so? I haven't really looked up the members actually." 

Haewon was saddened by this, but an idea occurred to her: she wanted you to be astonished when you met NMIXX, her group. As the elevator doors opened, signifying that they had arrived at their destination floor, you and Haewon exited. The walk to the building cafeteria was short, and when you got, you were shocked by how large it was.

"Woah, this place sure is big.." 

"Yup, come on, let's get our food." 

Haewon bravely grabbed your hand and brought you to the food department. Her unexpected physical touch caught you off guard, and a blush spread across your cheeks. You've never touched a girl's hand like this before, and it's made you feel something.

Haewon delivered you your food tray and gave you helpful advise on what to eat. Honestly, Haewon persuaded you to take the greatest cuisine available as the two of you seated at a table. Haewon smiled as she watched you, her hands supporting her face.  

"Say Haewon, how come you're familiar with this place?" 

"Hmm? Cause I work here." 

"Oh? What department are you from?" 

Haewon raises her eyebrows at your question as she found it confusing. Her brain couldn't understand what your words meant as you noticed her facial expression showing confusion. You couldn't help but chuckle at her. 

"What I meant is that, what part of the company do you work for? A manager? An assistant manager? An employee or an intern?" 

Haewon finally understood what you said as she shook her head. 

"I'm an.... Uhh... " 

Haewon didn't want to admit too soon to you as she wanted it to be a surprise to you. So her brain decided to look on for a possible work for her in the company. Of course she can't be a manager since she has no experience about it but perhaps the easiest is the right answer. 

"I work as a...." 

Your eyes show anticipation as your sights never left Haewon. This somehow made her feel nervous as she gulped a bit. 

"Yeah?" 

"I work.... As a... D-Dance choreographer!" 

"A what?" 

"A dance teacher! Yeah... I work for teaching the dances for the groups here." 

Haewon smiled, hiding her actual identity from you. Aside from wanting to surprise you, she did not want to overwhelm you with the notion that she is an Idol. Everyone she encountered abandoned her once they discovered her true status. It is painful for her, but she has become accustomed to it. But now that you had her heart, she didn't want to let you go.  

"Ah, A dance teacher. That's good to hear Haewon." 

"Y-Yeah, anyway what about you Y/n. What brings you to the company." 

"Well I was assigned to write about the financial report on the group NMIXX since the company I work for has invested in them." 

A huge smile appeared on Haewon as she couldn't help but feel excited by your words. She felt like faith is telling her that you were the man for her as she was to you. If there were people who believed in destiny then Haewon was one of them. 

"Say Y/n." 

"hmm?" 

"Do you wanna meet NMIXX?"

You wanted to refuse because it wasn't really necessary for you to engage with the group considering that your only task was to write a report on the financial side of things. 

"It's alright Haewon, I'm oka-" 

"But the leader has something to say to you." 

That got your attention. There was no indication that you had ever met the leader of NMIXX. But, if you interrupted your steps, there was one person you met in this company that you didn't know much about: Yoon-ah. Surely she can't be an idol working in this facility given that she was fully wrapped up and visible.

. 

. 

. 

"Yeah no, Yoon-ah is definitely an idol"

You thought to yourself as Haewon saw you show a face of realization. 

"Thinking about it, there is one person I met earlier. Her name was Yoon-ah. I think she's an Idol here." 

Haewon giggled and simply nodded her head. Haewon then stood up as she handed you her phone. 

"Add your number in my contacts so that I can stalk-I mean call you when NMIXX need a hand. It's not bad to be friends with an Idol you know?" 

You softly snatched her phone and entered your number. The rest of the day was unremarkable, except that you found Haewon attractive and enjoyable to be around. For the first time in your life, you were excited to go to work the next day, all because of one person, Oh Haewon.

The next day rolled by quickly and you were met with Haewon who was patiently waiting for you in front of the building. Seeing her made you smile as you walked towards her. 

"Hey Haewon. You didn't have to wait for me you know." 

"It's alright. Come on, NMIXX is waiting for you." 

Haewon quickly grabbed your hand and dragged you to the elevator. Your cheeks were once again flushed as a result of her actions, but Haewon didn't seem to care. Haewon held your hand during the way to the NMIXX room, as if it were the most natural thing to do. Haewon then came to a room, which you knew was where NMIXX was. Feeling overwhelmed, you questioned Haewon if this was really necessary.  

"Umm Haewon. I don't think we should-" 

"It's alright. I'm with you. And here we go~" 

Haewon opened the door dragging you in as your eyes saw 6 girls eyeing you up and down. You gulped in both fear and anxiety. Haewon on the other hand was smiling ear to ear but Sullyoon saw who was beside her leader, Immediately gasped and said

"Ah, Mr. Park. It's nice to meet you." 

Sullyoon was the first one to greet you as the others followed soon. You also greeted them but your eyes landed on a familiar figure who was smiling softly. 

"Ah, Miss Yoon-ah. I Didn't know you were an Idol." 

Sullyoon giggled cutely as she nodded her head. 

"It's nice to see you again Mr. Park, I didn't know you were close with our leader." 

"I'm sorry, what now?" 

You inquired while the rest of the group laughed at your reaction. You looked to your side as Haewon sneered. It was here that you discovered Haewon was not a dance instructor. She was too pretty to be just a dancing instructor, and her voice was as silky as polished jade. You had to blink a few times as the knowledge hit you.

"Haewon you're an Idol?" 

"Oh No I'm a chef Y/n. Duh, of course I'm an Idol. Surprised?" 

She gave you a smug grin as you giggled and nodded. Everyone was listening and watching your reaction to the discovery, but their focus was on how your hand and their leader's hand were intertwined with yours. A smirk appeared on their faces as they all looked at each other, with the same thoughts in mind.. 

Days passed, and you and the rest of the group, particularly Sullyoon and Haewon, grew closer. Haewon was the sparkplug who brought vitality to your day, whereas Sullyoon was the peaceful girl who made you feel at ease. Obviously, you weren't a blind man, as you can see that both girls were vying for your attention. 

Sullyoon occasionally grows brave and clings to you as if you were a magnet enticing her. Haewon was secretly simmering with jealousy as she entered the fray and erupted with her own methods of capturing your attention, and boy did she succeed. When you were taking a break from writing your report on your laptop one day, Haewon came over to your side, essentially becoming your personal secretary. She was offering you beverages and food, encouraging you, and rubbing your shoulders. She was basically caring for you as a wife should. 

In all honesty, this interfered with your work, and you would occasionally spend your concentration on keeping Sullyoon, but particularly Haewon, in check by reminding them that you were here to work. But Haewon understands how to hug your heart and draw you closer to her. The simple things she does for you, such as helping you, talking to you, bringing you food, and sending you good morning and good night texts, really warm your heart.

But the conclusion of all this all arrives at one chance that Haewon will take. 

The promotions for NMIXX were finally completed, and as you expected, NMIXX's fame and popularity grew even more, while your company's investment increased significantly. It was a win-win situation for all parties, and with that, you were officially ready to file the final investment report and exit JYP Entertainment. As you packed your bag, you realized how much fun you'd had with the gang. Your face lit up with a little smile as memories passed before your eyes. But as you usually say 

"Que sera Sera." 

Grabbing your bag, you gazed around the practice room one more time, remembering the pleasant times you had laughing, eating, and telling stories with the others. You breathed deeply, knowing it was a great ride. But, as they say, all good things must come to an end. Grabbing the door handle, Haewon burst through it, her eyes sad. She bit her lips, holding the sorrow her heart was experiencing right now. 

"Y-Y/n... I... I..." 

Feeling the pain in her eyes, You pulled her close to you allowing her to hug you. Her arms held you like today was the last day on earth and you could feel her sobs carrying on the pain of letting you go. 

"Haewon, Why are you crying?" 

"J-Just b-because...I'll miss you... You know that.... Right?" 

Haewon said through sniffles as she looked up to you and you found her adorable. Her pig teary puppy eyes accompanied with her small frown, and her snot coming out of her nose made her adorable. You smiled as you pulled out your handkerchief and wiped her tears and snot. 

"Haewon, You can always message me, you know? It's not like we're not gonna see each other again." 

"B-But my schedule will be busy and I won't see you and..and…"

Haewon cried once again as she buried her face on your chest. You patted her back and comforted her for the meantime. It felt like hours for Haewon hugging you but in reality it was only 10 minutes. She pulled away with her eyes a little puffed as you smiled and said

"I'll be going now Haewon. Thank you, for everything." 

When you stated those words, you felt choked up since your emotions had suddenly surfaced. You departed swiftly, not wanting to exhibit your anguish, even though Haewon smiled and possibly gazed at you for the last time. She also felt regret because she knew now was the perfect time to confess, but she thought that letting you go was better. Her heart broke again when the sound of thunder boomed through the glass window. Haewon moved up to the chair and table in the room, watching the rain fall heavily on the ground.  

Haewon felt as if the universe was wiping the wounds on her heart with rain. She sighed and groaned as she let her head strike the table, making a slight Thud sound, but her skin felt scratchy against the table. Lifting her head, she noticed an envelope, and her interest was piqued. She opened the envelope and found your final report. She gasped as she realized you had left the most critical thing you needed. 

The final report. 

Haewon was about to go out and give you the envelope when a sense of realization hit her. 

"Shit, I don't know where he lives at"

Haewon grumbled, feeling frustrated and disappointed with herself. But Faith had different ideas for Haewon. Cupid did not want the story to finish here, so he pointed his arrow toward Haewon's head. Her eyes widened when she reopened the envelope.  

"Of course! The company's address is right here. But... It seems I have to deliver this tomorrow.."

The rain continued to fall, and lightning could be heard for miles. Haewon watched the rain fall, while you were soaking as you entered your flat. You weren't really aware of the weather tonight, but the rain made itself apparent. You quickly went to the bathroom to take a shower. Unfortunately, it was too late. Your inadequate immune system caused you to feel a heavy burden on your back as your body heated up. As you try to treat the illness by taking medication. You covered yourself in your blanket and hoped for the best.  

 

As the sun rose, Haewon stood in front of the firm building, holding your most crucial mail. She took a deep breath before entering the company building. Much to her surprise, the company building was different from JYPs in that everyone going past was dressed professionally rather than casually. People began to murmur when Haewon arrived, taking everyone by surprise. She didn't wear a mask or a huge hat; she showed her entire face. She then inquired about your department's location from the reception table, after which they directed her to the room. Haewon didn't hesitate to enter the elevator and soon the employee realized that Haewon was on the elevator, they all left just for Haewon to have the elevator by herself.

"Ah, the perks of being famous."

She thought to herself as the elevator doors opened, and Haewon walked confidently across the floor, surprising everyone. When Yeonjun looked up from his table and saw Haewon approaching them, he was shocked and perplexed. Yeonjun stood up, stopping Haewon in her steps.

"I'm sorry Ms. Haewon but only authorized people are allowed here." 

Yeonjun stood his ground as he took a sip from his drink. Feeling confident by herself, she chuckled and smiled towards the guy. 

"Oh didn't Y/n Mention? I'm his girlfriend." 

Yeonjun spit out his drink to his side, surprised by Haewon's unexpected allegation. Haewon's eyes widened as the liquid sprayed their Cheif, who happened to overhear her arrival. Yeonjun apologized promptly to the chief. 

"I'm so sorry chief!" 

The chief, bathed in Yeonjun's drink, simply waved his hand dismissively, more interested with what transpired between your journeys and how you managed to capture the heart of one of Oh Haewon's  

"I don't mind it Yeonjun. I'm more intrigued on how Y/n managed to captivate ms. Haewon here." 

Despite the uproar in the office, Haewon realized she had just caused a storm and a misunderstanding, but this was the only way to assist you. She was prepared to take the punishment she would receive later, but just now she didn't care.  

"Whatever will be, will be."

She thought to herself. But her vision saw an empty seat with your name on it. It piqued her interest seeing your absence. 

"Umm.. Where's Y/n?" 

"Ah, He's Apparently sick. Probably got caught by the rain yesterday." 

Yeonjun spoke as he cleaned up the mess he had caused on the floor. This quickly put Haewon into full worry mode. Despite her self-proclaimed status as your girlfriend, she has no idea where you live. But with her front face, she took a big breath and inquired about your location.  

"Yeonjun-ssi, do you know where he lives? I wanna take care of him" 

Hanni's bold statement made Yeonjun stop and have his eyes widened in surprise. He was about to say your address when an Idea popped into his head. He smirked as he stood up and laid out his plan. Haewon chuckled and agreed on the plan of Yeonjun. 

Today was the worst day for you. Not only did you become sick, but you also don't know where you put your final report, which damaged your chances of moving up in the firm. Your heart was broken, and nothing will change your frown right now. Everything was going so beautifully for Haewon, but everything else was falling apart.  

"I hate my life..."

You grumbled as you laid in your bed, thinking about what you should do next. Your phone rang, and it was a message from Yeonjun informing you that he had arrived at your door with food and beer. Yeonjun knew you were ill and tried to cheer you up. With a heavy feeling and a weak body, you stood up and approached the door, opening it.  

"Thanks Yeon-" 

"Gosh you look horrible. Let's fix that shall we. Hehe~" 

A familiar female voice made you look down and saw the girl that captured your heart. Her bright smile was still on her face despite the rain that was pouring on your surroundings. 

"H-Haewon what are you-" 

"Ummm Yeonjun Apparently can't come cause he was dragged to a blind date, So here I am. I brought chicken and medicine." 

You noticed the heavy bag she carried and you felt bad that a small girl like her had to carry such a bag. You reached down to help her but Haewon shook her head. 

"It's fine Y/n. I'm a strong woman, I have muscles on my arms. So, Umm... Can I come in?" 

You snapped out of your stupor and allowed Haewon to enter your apartment. Your apartment wasn't too huge or little. It was large enough to accommodate at least four people, and Haewon made herself at home. She hurriedly got out the chicken and soup she had bought earlier for you. Yeonjun's strategy was easy. Yeonjun would message you that he was going to visit you, but it was actually Haewon who came to you.

"Haewon I can help you-"

"Just stay in bed Y/n. Don't overwork yourself, cause today, you'll be taken care by the great NMIXX Leader, Oh Haewon. So feel blessed. I just don't do this to anyone you know.....except you" 

She mumbled the final part so you couldn't hear it. You lay back in your bedroom, wondering how Haewon knew about your condition, but there was a bigger problem at hand: it was your first time having a lady around, and you had no idea what to do. You began to overthink what to do, which just exacerbated your headache.  

"Heyy~ can you sit up Y/n? I got you food." 

Listening to her command, You sat up as Haewon setup the small foldable table on your bed. Her bright energy and smile really makes all your problems disappear. 

"You don't have to move Y/n. Imma feed you." 

You blushed at her words, wanting to decline her offer. But her bright and exuberant enthusiasm was too much to pass up, and she was offering after all. It isn't like you told her to do it. So you simply nodded your head as Haewon began feeding you. She took a spoon of the soup she had bought earlier and gave it a few blows with her mouth. Your eyes landed on her lips, which caused your heart to beat. 

"Say Ahhh~" 

You opened your mouth as Haewon gave you a  spoonful of the soup and you were surprised by how delicious it tasted. 

"Oh wow, Haewon this is delicious." 

Haewon giggled, and the sound made you grin. Haewon began feeding you while also telling you fascinating stories that never fail to make you laugh. Haewon was never boring to be around, but what about you? You're a boring guy in general. So it was a miracle that your fate became intertwined with Haewons. 

"By the way Y/n." 

"Yeah?" 

"You left your report yesterday on our practice room. So I gave it to your chief this morning along with Yeonjun-ssi. He's a nice guy." 

You felt at rest after hearing what Haewon said because Haewon had solved your biggest concern. Honestly, you began to wonder how you deserved someone like Haewon. But suddenly a thought occurred in your head. 

"Wait, the office isn't allowing anyone to enter. You need permission from me to enter." 

Haewon gulped as she knows that she has to confess everything starting from the time she fell for you. If fate once gave her an opportunity to confess before, today was her last chance to admit her feelings. It was now or never for Haewon as she took a deep breath. 

"Umm well you see....please don't get mad at me okay?" 

You can tell Haewon was trying to hide something as her bright energy was nowhere to be seen and her eyes were looking down trying to avoid your gaze. 

"I.....I…."

"You what?" 

Haewon had the words on her mind, but her body was hesitant to say them. Those are the words she wants to say. She was uneasy about expressing those things, but then she remembered her life motto. "Whatever will be, will be" . She simply decided to speak it, not caring about the ramifications in the future. 

"I told them that I'm your.... Girlfriend...." 

For a little period of time, the world seemed to stand still. Hearing the final word she said made you go back to the first time you met Haewon. Was fate actually making arrangements just for you at this moment? Or was it just a coincidence that everything came together at this exact moment?

Haewon began to feel trapped by the quiet, and tears began to rise up in her eyes. She understands that betting on fate can be risky, and today she would pay the price.  

"I-I'm sorry. I-I'll get going no-" 

You pulled Haewon to your embrace. This time, it was you who held her like it was the last day on earth as you didn't want to let her go. 

Who cares if faith played a part of all of this or if fate has more problems for you to face in the future. 

"Whatever Happens, Happens." 

Haewon widened her eyes when you said those words. She couldn't help but hug you back tightly. 

"I don't care what happens in the future, Haewon. But right now, all I care is what is happening now. I wanna focus on the present as the future can wait. All I want is this. For you to be in my arms. Call me selfish but I just want you in my arms right now Haewon. I have fallen too much for you that I can't let you-"

Haewon pulled away from you with tears streaming down on her face. Her bright smile has appeared as she said

"Que sera sera. I love you too Y/n." 

She leaned forward, bridging the gap between you two as her lips pressed against yours. Regardless of the soup and chicken sauce on your lips, Haewon kissed you with love and passion. Haewon began to chuckle as you kissed her forehead, and both of you pulled away.  

"I love you Haewon." 

"I love you more than myself Y/n." 

She hugged you tight as both of you were clinging to each other on your bed as a realization hit your thoughts. 

"Umm, You might get sick Haewon. You should-" 

"Stay and cuddle you? Absolutely." 

You chuckled at her comment. Your monotonous life was about to change because Haewon had won your heart. From one-sided love to meeting her crying, then meeting her again, and now she's holding you in your bed. It was certainly an exciting journey, but from now on. You are aware that your relationship will endure numerous challenges that will separate you from one another. The route will not be simple for either of you, but no matter what happens in the future, you will always stay true to your moto. 

“Que Sera Sera”

[starsjulia]

falling into forever // leah williamson

a/n : a short and sweet one!!

warnings : none!!

Leah and you had never been ones for grand gestures. Your love was more like the soft glow of a sunset, warm and steady, never fading. Tonight was no different—except that maybe it was. Maybe tonight was when you both finally realized what had always been true: that you were each other’s forever.

The evening had started like any other. Leah had come home from training, tired but smiling, and you’d ordered takeout from your favorite place. After dinner, the two of you had settled onto the sofa, limbs tangled together as some random show played in the background. You couldn’t even remember what it was—something light, something that wouldn’t demand too much attention because neither of you were really watching.

You were both in that sweet spot between waking and dreaming, Leah’s head resting on your chest, your fingers lazily drawing patterns on her arm. Every now and then, one of you would say something, a whispered joke or a half-formed thought, and the other would laugh softly. But mostly, there was just the silence. The kind of silence that didn’t need to be filled because it was already full—with love, with understanding, with the simple joy of being together.

Leah shifted slightly, turning her face up to look at you. There was a softness in her eyes that made your heart skip a beat, even after all this time. “What are you thinking about?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

You smiled down at her, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. “Just you,” you replied, your voice equally soft. “Just how much I love you.”

A blush crept up her cheeks, and she bit her lip, that adorable habit you’d come to know so well. “I love you too,” she said, a little breathless, like she couldn’t believe her luck.

You leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and she closed her eyes, letting out a content sigh. “Do you ever think about how we met?” she asked, her fingers playing with the hem of your shirt.

“All the time,” you admitted. “How could I not? It was the day everything changed.”

She smiled, her eyes still closed. “I didn’t even know then, you know? How important you’d be to me. But now… now I can’t imagine my life without you.”

Her words wrapped around your heart, pulling it tight. You knew exactly what she meant. There had been a time when you couldn’t have imagined this either—this love that felt as natural as breathing. But now it was all you could see.

Leah opened her eyes, meeting your gaze, and in that moment, you both just knew. This wasn’t just love. It was something more, something deeper. Something that was meant to last forever.

“You’re my soulmate,” you whispered, the words slipping out before you could even think about them.

Leah’s breath hitched, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “You really think so?” she asked, her voice trembling with emotion.

You nodded, your heart swelling with a love so strong it almost hurt. “I know so,” you said firmly. “I’ve always known.”

A tear slipped down her cheek, and you reached up to gently wipe it away. “I’m so lucky,” she murmured, her voice breaking slightly. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

You shook your head, leaning down to kiss her, soft and slow, trying to pour every ounce of love you felt into that single moment. “No,” you whispered against her lips. “I’m the lucky one.”

When you finally pulled away, you both just stared at each other, the world outside fading into nothingness. It was just you and Leah, here on this sofa, in this moment that felt like it could last forever.

And maybe it would.

Leah let out a soft giggle, breaking the silence, and you couldn’t help but laugh too. It was silly, really, this overwhelming happiness that bubbled up inside you. But it was perfect. She was perfect.

“We’re so sappy,” she said, her laughter mingling with yours.

“Maybe,” you agreed, pulling her closer. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

She grinned, resting her head against your chest again. “Me neither,” she whispered.

As you lay there, your fingers tangled in her hair, her heartbeat steady against your own, you knew that this was it. This was the feeling people spent their whole lives searching for, the kind of love that poets wrote about, that artists tried to capture in paint and song.

It was the love that you’d found in Leah, and that she’d found in you.

And as you drifted off to sleep together, wrapped up in each other, you knew that no matter what happened, you’d always have this. You’d always have her.

Because Leah Williamson wasn’t just your love—she was your forever. And you were hers.

[lovecla]

IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME KNOW | jack hughes.

chapter seven:

➴ warnings: brief mention of smut

➴ word count: 2.4k

➴ author’s note: is the thing people say about rainstorms before rainbows true? i guess it’s time for soph and jack to find out. “happy” reading ♡

FALLING out of love was something you had yet to experience.

Of course, back then you thought you had fallen out of love with Harris, but soon you’d realize that you had never really loved him. It was some kind of strong admiration, a need to have someone to call yours, someone who you could write love songs for, someone who you could imagine yourself getting old with.

‘Course, none of those things happened with Harris, not even during your honeymoon phase. You were young when you started dating him, twenty-one and with no real idea of what love truly was.

So an older actor who thought you were cute?

It felt like you had hit the jackpot.

But now, as you try your hardest to forget what Jack meant— means— to you, you realize that it isn’t as easy as you initially thought it would be.

Jack is everywhere, occupying every corner of your mind. You remember how sweet he’d talk to you after sex, always treating you with kindness and making sure you were well taken care of. How he’d send you memes that were purely about Hockey even if you never understood what was so funny about them, how he’d get excited talking about his job and how he’d try to explain all the terms to you.

Despite what happened, Jack had made you so happy. It was sad to think that it was all probably a joke to him, but for you? No, it was real. So real. Every time you looked at his face, you reminded yourself that some things are not meant to last forever.

But God knew how much you wanted him to be your forever.

Keeping yourself busy was easy, and you were thankful for that. Your small concert, a week ago, filled you with so much joy and contentment— you were alive and not thinking about the middle child of the Hughes family for the first time in seven months.

Grace made sure that you took enough breaks but whenever you were alone with your thoughts for a long time, the first image your brain liked to share with you was Jack’s smile and Jack’s eyes and Jack’s nose and lips.

It was tiring.

You didn’t tell anyone, but you secretly watched his games when you were alone at night. You didn’t know much, but the experts keep saying that this is Hughes’ worst season and that he’s playing like shit, which, unfortunately, made you worry.

But you wouldn’t go back, you couldn’t go back.

Sometimes, at night, you’d remember how he looked at you when you told him you were in love with him. Or how he looked when you told him to leave, so desperate for you to hear him, at least for a few more minutes.

You’d replay that day inside of your head every night, like a nighttime routine, trying to find a different, better ending.

You’d always come up empty.

Sighing, you looked at your phone, reading Grace’s text with a smile.

Grace being Grace.

Even if she technically worked for you, you’ve barely seen Grace the past couple of days. You were both so busy it was almost impossible to keep up with each other’s schedule. But you did manage to free up some space so you could at least have lunch with her, and turns out she thought it’d be cool to include Nico too.

So, lunch at Nico’s house.

You said goodbye to the people who were working with you at the GQ photo shoot and drove to his house, blasting music through your speakers. No thoughts allowed!

You rang the doorbell, waiting until Grace herself opened the door, like she owned the house. You still weren’t sure if you wanted to know what was truly happening between the two of them, so you didn’t ask questions.

“Hi, my little popstar,” Grace shouted, hugging you tightly.

“Stop putting little before every noun when you’re referring to me.” You mumbled, face still shoved in the crook of her neck.

“Why would I do that? It’s fun and true. Come inside, Nico’s ordering pizza!”

You entered the house, feeling your cheeks getting warm when you remembered what happened the last time you were here.

“Shut the fuck up, Sophia,” during sex, he only used your name whenever he was really pissed, and apparently this was one of those times. “Don’t need anyone hearing how much of a whore you actually are.”

“Fuck, uh, come for me, baby, c’mon,” Jack whispered, hands still on you, dick fucking you hard and rough, leaving your insides raw and deliciously hurting. “Come on my cock like the good girl you are.”

Well. No more of that.

“No— Man, listen. I want a large pepperoni and a large margherita, please,” Nico smiled at you before putting his hand on his head, holding his phone with the other. “Why the hell would I put pineapple on a fucking pepperoni pizza? Let me speak to your manager, that’s— that’s a crime.”

“He’s just a Swiss Karen, really,” Grace sighed, sitting on the couch. You sat next to her, watching as Hischier tried to explain to the manager why pineapples shouldn’t even be included in pizzas in the first place. “I think he’s just nervous about the games.”

“Yeah,” you wanted to tell her that you’ve been watching the games and that it didn’t look really good for them but it would just give your I’m-already-over-Jack facade away. “Must be hard.”

“Tell me about it, I barely see him. It’s like hockey players only exist during the summer or whatever.” She sighed again, fixing her braids. You looked at her, full of compassion.

If you and Jack dated, would you feel like her?

No.

You wouldn’t know the answer to that question because that won’t happen.

“Hi, Soph,” you heard the Devils’ captain say, greeting you.

“Hey there, thirteen. How are you?”

He yawned, stretching his arms. “Tired, stressed, hungry, tired.” He stopped for a second before continuing. “Have I mentioned tired?”

“Sucks to be you, to be honest,” you giggled, looking at him funny.

The pizza would take a while to get delivered— especially since Nico argued with the manager and now they were probably taking their time spitting on the dough— so you used the time to catch up on their lives.

Grace talked about how her marketing degree never prepared her for how much work she’d actually have to get done, and how much she missed her mom and dad, and how Jessica, your vocal coach, was starting to piss her off with her I-am-better-than-everyone attitude.

Nico talked about the games, and how he basically was never at home, and how he’d spend half of his time on planes and the other half on practice and yet he still felt like they weren’t going to make it.

That made you wonder how Jack was doing with all of this. If he had come back to Newark after their week away, to spend thanksgiving with his family.

Not that you cared, you just wondered.

Noticing how both Grace and Nico stayed quiet, you realized that they’re probably waiting for you to update them on your life. You smiled awkwardly.

“I have been working a lot,” you shrugged. “I love what I do so it isn’t exactly working for me. Besides that, I sleep, eat and drink water.”

They both looked at you with pity, which made your stomach ache. You didn’t want anyone pitying you, in fact, you didn’t need it. You weren’t a damsel in distress, you didn’t need to be saved— you just chose to spend your free time alone. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

“I’m gonna go grab some wine from the cellar, be right back,” Nico announced, out of nowhere, getting up and heading downstairs. Grace looked at him with puppy eyes and you laughed.

“People in love are disgusting,” you joked, and Grace rolled her eyes at you.

“Shut it, Twilight,” she laughed, not denying it. “I’m gonna go grab the glasses.”

The doorbell rang and you got up. “It looks like I’m gonna go grab the pizza.”

“Make sure they didn’t put poison in it!” Grace shouted, making her way to the kitchen, while you walked until you were in front of the door, smiling still.

“Sophia?”

Hi, Universe. It’s your girl, Sophia. So, what is this about? What are you trying to do here? Let me tell you now, it won’t work.

“Hum, hi?” It sounded more like a question than a greeting, but out of all things you would have imagined that could happen to you that day, opening the door and finding Jack on the other side of it wasn’t on your list.

“What are you,” he stuttered, clutching hard the bag he was holding in his hands. “I didn’t know you’d be here. I’m sorry.”

You leaned against the door, confusion taking over your face. Jack wasn’t the type of man to apologize so easily.

“It’s fine.”

You both went quiet, staring at each other. It was weird to be around Jack without touching him, your heart still hurting because you love him deeply.

It was the type of love you’d want to tell your children, if you decided to have them one day. The type of love where you’d come home after a long day, just to find your forever sitting on the couch, yapping about his day. The type of love you read in books and watch movies about, the type of love you want to write songs about. The type of love where his hugs feel like a cold, gentle breeze during a sunny day, and his kisses felt like the fireworks on the Fourth of July.

You loved Jack Hughes deeply and he wanted him to be your forever more than anything.

But it wouldn’t happen. And it’s fine. It’d be fine.

“Do you want me to call Nico?” You whispered, averting his gaze.

“You don’t need to, I just stopped by to give him this,” he raised the bag in his hands, shrugging.

“Okay…” You nodded, not sure of what to say. “Then, I guess I’m… gonna go. Nice seeing you.” You lied, because you’d much rather keep watching him on TV, with a safe distance between you two, than to face him in real life.

“No, Soph, wait—” he called you, putting his feet between the door gap. “Can we, like, talk?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jack.” You retorted, biting your bottom lip.

“Soph, did they spit on our pizza?” Grace’s voice sounded cheerful behind you, and you cringed, knowing exactly how she’s going to react once she sees Jack here. “I hope they only spitted on Nico’s pizza, to be honest. What are you doing there— Oh.”

You turned around and looked at her, smiling awkwardly. No one moved a muscle for at least ten seconds and you gave in, knowing that discussing things with her would be harder than hearing Jack out.

“I’ll just… I’ll be right back, okay?” You announced, pointing to Jack behind you. “It’s fine.”

“But—”

“It’s fine, Grace. Go find Nico, please.” You pleaded, not wanting to feel any shittier. Grace only stared at Jack for what seemed to be a whole minute before nodding once and making her way to Nico.

“I guess she still hates me.” Jack pointed out, chuckling humorlessly.

You turned around, raising your eyebrows at him. “Can you blame her?”

“No, not really,” he shrugged, putting the bag on the floor and putting his hands inside of his jeans’ pockets. “I get that you’re still mad at me.”

“I told you, I’m not mad at you. Hurt? Maybe. But I knew what I was getting myself into, so I guess I can’t really blame you.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying really hard to be the bigger person when all you wanted to do was smash his face into a wall and kiss him right after that.

“I want you to know that I am sorry about what happened,” he stepped closer, making you smell his cologne, sandalwood and something else that smelled a lot like money. Weird combination but it worked for him. “Truly. I didn’t fuck Ava or any other woman while we were together. I— I just wanted to be with you, Soph, I need you to know that.”

You stared at his face, trying so hard to find the same expression you found on your ex’s face whenever he lied and manipulated you. But you couldn’t— Jack was still the same as he was seven months ago, when he hit on you at that dinner party.

He still looked like the guy who held you close after sex, the guy who order take out for you just because he knew you’d get too tired to cook for yourself, the guy who had a playlist just for his favorite songs by you, the guy who never understood your chronically online memes but laughed nonetheless because he said the way you laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Jack still looked like he could be your forever.

So close yet so fucking distant.

You could feel yourself slipping into him again and you knew you couldn’t do this with yourself. You had to choose yourself before choosing anyone else.

“You don’t need to say sorry,” you whispered, smiling softly. “It’s fine. As you said, we weren’t even dating. I bet you wouldn’t have reacted the way I did if it’d been the other way around.”

He looked at you like you had grown a second head. “I would’ve gone crazy if it was the other way around. Sophia, I know it’s hard to believe but—”

“It’s fine, Jack, it really is,” you stated, shaking your head. “I accept your apologies but I think—” you broke eye contact, stepping back. “I think it’s just best if we stay out of each other’s way.”

You couldn’t tell which one of you cracked first. Jack, who looked at you like he’d seen a ghost, let his shoulders fall, looking as dejected as ever. You could feel the tears starting to form in your eyes but you held on tight. You had already cried in front of him once, and you weren’t going to do that again.

“Soph,” you heard his voice, so soft and so unlike him. “Soph, you don’t… you don’t mean that, baby.”

“I do,” you looked up, squeezing your eyes shut. “I do, Jack. And it will be fine. Let’s just move on.”

“Soph…”

“Please,” you whispered, already stepping back into the house, hands on the handle. “Jack. Please.”

You finally looked at him, noticing how his eyes looked so blue and sad. He stared at you before shaking his head, once and then twice, stepping back.

“I’m so sorry, Soph.” He said softly, before leaving Nico’s porch and making his way to his car.

“I know you are, baby,” you whispered, letting the tears finally fall. “I am, too.”

“Hum… pizza for Nico Hischier?”

Great.

[solbaby7]

Jolene

pairing: azriel x reader

warnings: swearing, quick little blurb, angst w/no comfort, probably typos

summary: [ shoutout to Jolene by Dolly Parton for the inspo but me personally? i would’ve shot jolene ]

—

Envy, the killer of joy.

A feeling that turned even the most pure souls into something cruel and corrupt.

Azriel’s usual routine slightly altering to accommodate the newly Made and barely adjusting Archeron sister. At first you’d found it noble; charming—a testament to his morals and obligation to his High Lord and Lady.

But as time passed and Elain slowly got better, Az got more distant. Less talkative and unable to bring himself out of the doting nature he’d slip into when around her. “Az, my hands work. I can put my own cloak on.”

He knew it was a joke. “I know, it’s just that—nevermind.” Still didn’t stop his mouth from pulling into a barely there grimace, hands pulling away as if you’d bit him and the teasing smile you wear falls.

It’s just that, Elain always lets him put hers on and waits patiently as he ties it securely at her neck.

The step you take back is involuntary but the message is sent perfectly clear when your expression turns to stone, painful realization settling in your bones and it takes everything in you not to buckle on the spot. You’d heard stories, about one-sided mating bonds and the pure turmoil that ensued during the time it took for the others to snap but this—the Mother had a sick sense of humor. Leading you believe that Azriel could ever truly love you without it; a fate more cruel than you could’ve wished on your worst enemies. “You know what, I forgot something upstairs. Why don’t you go on ahead without me and I’ll meet up with you shortly.”

He seems hesitant to comply, brows furrowed as he tries to figure out what had changed so suddenly. After a few beats of time he relents, pressing a farewell kiss to your mouth but he’s gone before you can wonder if he felt your lips tremble.

The safety of solitude allows you the comfort to let the tears fall, shoulders shaking as sobs pull from your chest. You weren’t sure how anyone could bare it; watching the one meant for them love another more than they ever did you.

Manicured fingers curl under the constrictive necklace, tugging it off to make room for the heaving breaths you take and a choked cry fills the space when Elain stands before you. “Gods, I’m so sorry,” You stumble trying to catch your footing and embarrassment burns beneath your skin at the true beauty of her. Perfectly put together in pale pinks and pure white lace. Hand sewn jewels are smattered about the bodice of the finest fabrics, accentuating the warmth of her hair and the glow on unblemished skin. “I thought everyone had already left.” Your arms curl around yourself as you make distance between you, pulling away from her outstretched hands as if they were coated in burning flames.

“Are you alright?”

You laugh thickly but there’s no humor in it. “No,” Your heart won’t stop hammering against your chest and knots form in the pit of your stomach. It’s pathetic, your inability to even appear the slightest bit worthy in the presence of your competitor. But, what was the point when she wasn’t even trying and was still so far ahead? “I’ve been thinking about a million different ways you and I would have this conversation and I assure you, this was not in one of those scenarios.” A poor attempt at a joke but even in the midst of such conflicting and all-consuming feelings, you had no interest in being mean—it wasn’t Elain’s fault. “Forgive me for what I’m about to ask you but are you and Azriel—“ The words clog in your throat, refusing to come forward and you have to turn away from her to wipe your tears. “Are you?”

Elain’s brow furrows and you wonder if that doe look in her eye was the first thing Azriel fell for. Such purity and grace. “I don’t understand.”

“Please, don’t make me say it.” Her heart breaks at the agony in your tone, the defeated sag of your shoulders in the beautiful dress that felt less than lovely when touching your skin. Everything felt wrong the longer you looked at her. So many differences—too many for Azriel to possibly love you both without having a preference. “I love him, Elain. With every breath I take, I love him and I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of it but you—“ Mascara trails down your cheeks and the disgust you feel towards yourself is palpable. “The way he is with you, even I don’t know what that’s like.” A deep shuddering breath to prepare you for the answers to your questions. “So, please, just tell me the truth.”

“He’s been helping me adjust,” Her hands fidget before her, obviously uncomfortable and searching for a safety net but the distance you’ve made hasn’t been broken. You haven’t yelled or accused and the longer Elain stared the worse she felt. “I hadn’t considered how that might affect you but nothing ever happened.”

You shift in place, ankles screaming in your heels and you’re distantly reminded that you promised Az you’d only be a few minutes and this was starting to feel like eons had passed standing in the foyer. “Nothing?” Your voice is lifeless, fresh tears welling in your waterline as your hands grip so tight on your arms your nails bite into soft skin. “He says your name in his sleep,” Elain’s breath catches at the confession and you wonder if Azriel had ever wished to pull that sound from her. Possible scenarios of chaste touches and almost kisses flash behind your lids and the turmoil absolutely eats you alive, gnawing at your flesh and grinding at your bones until there was nothing left. “Reasonably so, your beauty is beyond compare,” Your gaze sweeps over the softness of her hair, the delicate point of her ears just barely peeking through. Soft, feminine features with curves where it mattered and none where it didn’t.

Subconsciously, you take another step back, attempting to hide the endless insecurities in the shadows casted by dim lights but the self-hatred doesn’t cease for a second when she calls your name with such pity.

“Do you love him?” You ask meekly, terrified for her answer and you’re certain she can see you trembling. The tears just won’t stop, blurring your vision and preventing you from breathing normally but something inside of you demands to stick around for her answer. “Because, I can understand how you could easily take him but you just don’t know what he means to me.” Your palm rubs at your chest subconsciously, yearning for a comfort that that hadn’t yet been created—not yet fully formed. “Maybe, it would hurt less if you loved him too—really loved him. But if you don’t, Elain please. Please, I beg of you not to take him from me just because you can.”

Elain remains rooted in place, every flawless feature laced with guilt and shame. She reaches out for you, an attempt to comfort but once her smooth hands reach you skin the sobs wrack your body uncontrollably. She’s too good; too kind and sweet, too innocent and fragile to be touching such stained hands.

It made sense. Azriel loving her. He’d always taken a liking to delicate things.

But Elain had a mate. Had a bond that was mutually shared no matter how hard she fought it. She calls your name once more, full of urgency and remorse when trying to console you but there’s no use. The dam has broken with no tools in sight to repair the damage done.

“You could have your choice of men but I will never love again.” Too much time has passed. Someone will come looking; if not for you then certainly for the High Lady’s sister and the realization has you yanking your hands back. There’s no saving your makeup and Elain can’t fight the tears that fall down her own cheeks as she watches you stumble in the heels, bend over to rip them off and cradle them close as you retreat to the staircase. “He’s the only one for me.”

“Please, I am so sorry.”

The sincerity is appreciated but the words don’t register how they should. “I had to have this talk with you,” It’s barely above a whisper, without the fae hearing Elain was sure she would’ve missed it. “—my happiness depends on you and whatever you decide to do, Elain.”

[hotxcheeto]

Hi! Hope your doing well i was gonna ask if u could do an ellie x fem reader where ellie is completely downbad and overstims the reader ALOT u can add some fluff in there too if you feel like it, love your work and have a good day

━ 𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐓

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨) - Ellie Williams x Fem!Reader

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Cursing, mean ellie, ellie is in fact down bad tho cause reader is her bby, vaginal fingering ( r! receiving ), oral ( r! receiving ), strap on use ( r! receiving ), a lot of teasing, ellie makes fun of the reader here and there ( lightly ), degradation, praise, ellie thigh kink lmfao, dom!ellie, sub!reader, reader is a total pillow princess in this

𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - Look at me, being all active and stuff. So sorry this took me literal months, I hope you enjoy, it's currently 3am and I am tiredddd. But I am proud of how this ended up coming out!

REBLOG MY WORK! I WORK HARD & IT'S APPRECIATED!!

"Ellie..."

She hated that tone, it was as if a red light beamed above your head and had the words 'not happy' written across it. Her eyes flickered upwards, focusing on your blissful yet aggravated expression.

"What?" She questioned.

"They're all stretched and bunchy now."

You were going to be the death of her.

Your thighs were pressed as far back as the mattress would allow, the middle of the pink shorts pushed to the side to make room for her mouth. This meant her tongue just kept dancing up and down and up and down. Again and again, around your clit and then she'd annoyingly pull away to press a sweet kiss to your inner thigh.

She was toying with you as if you were just some dumb thing for her entertainment. And you took every second of it like a good plaything.

"I know... you just looked so pretty." She muttered between breaths like she was a starving animal that'd found food after days of searching, you though, were worried she'd rip your bottoms.

Constantly pulling and tugging to fit her desires. The light fabric was only so strong, and you were only so patient until you finally had to say something.

"Y-you're gonna-" Your head fell back, a high pitched cry filling the room as she shoved her fingers deep inside your hole. Eyes rolling back and Ellie just smiled at how pornographic you sounded. Such a good dumb girl all for her, no director could make that up for some shitty scenario.

"M'gonna what? What am I gonna do Y/n/n?"

Your breaths were uneven, as were your little pleas. You listened to them as you lifted your head up to watch her play with your pussy. It was dirty, yet you felt yourself clench around her just at the sight. Lips covered in your slick along with a bit of her chin, it made you run hot seeing it, and she nearly laughed at your flustered hum.

A part of you was embarrassed someone could make you fall apart so easily. Like a glass doll being tossed onto the ground, except she still had a care for the shards leftover.

"You're gonna rip 'em..." You pouted, hips bucking towards her mouth, almost as if it was instinct at this point. Chasing after her like you needed her, like she was water and you were dying of thirst. So pathetic, she'd concluded, but it was all just for her and that made it perfect.

"I'll buy you whatever new shorts you want, any damn color..." You shook your head at her response, reaching towards the hand holding them back to keep you exposed.

"But-" You began, but she quickly gave you a look, a warning. Her green eyes dark and almost dangerous, but they could never be such a danger to you. But for some reason you still felt a small little sinking feeling that made you nothing if not annoyed. You huffed at this, giving her a glare before you realized you were very outmatched.

"You promise?" You then replaced the sentence you first formed, choking when the woman pressed her tongue flat against you, just to tease a little.

"I promise baby." She said, watching you nod your head. "Okay..." And that was that, her fingers fucking your hole with no remorse as she tasted you. Sucking on your clit with a force that was anything but gentle.

It wasn't a surprise when the coil in your belly began to tighten. Legs shaking and body trying to run but there was no escaping the hold she had on you. At least not in this moment and that was enough to make you moan.

"M'gonna- El- El m'gonna-" She just stared, continuing to kitten lick your clit. The tips of her fingers curling, brushing over your g-spot before applying more pressure than you knew how to deal with at that moment.

The cherry on top was the moment you grinded so roughly into her face that it made her groan, the vibrations rocking you over the edge. A numb sense of pleasure rushing from the bottoms of your feet, up to your chest as you came, head pushed back into the pillow. It was so much at once you were positive you'd implode then and there.

She drank you up as well, lapping at your little bud. Listening to you choke out air and swallow your own screams so as to not piss off your neighbors more than you probably already do.

What a shame.

You nearly trapped her between your thighs just after that wonderous reflection skidded through your mind, her grip faltering for the mere moment she'd gotten busy watching you orgasm. You were all but crying, even as she pulled her mouth away. Her hand didn't move from its place though, slowly rubbing the area around your entrance. It kept you on edge, almost painful, no breaks, just her and it made you feel drunk, despite being stone cold sober.

"How 'bout I take these off?" She smiled, gesturing to your shorts with her free hand. "Hm?" She then made a noise, looking at your blissed out face which stared back at her with half a thought, grabbing at her hand to get her to give you a moment to relax.

"P-please..." It came quiet from your lips, watching her nod while looking down and carefully pulling her fingers out. You whimpered so softly it was almost silent, feeling empty at the loss of her hand and oh so bare as the pink fabric came sliding down your thighs.

"I'll get you a new pair since I stretched these ones out, alright?" You shook your head but didn't say anything. "Yeah, that sounds good, huh?" She assured, leaning down and kissing both your boobs before the valley between, looking up at you.

She chuckled when you motioned for a kiss, bending up a bit to meet your lips whilst her hips grinded into your own, feeling the way you gripped her shoulders and dug your nails into her muscles.

"M'not done with you yet." She whispered, her breath fanning your lips whilst she pulled back, tilting her head. The nervous, flustered embarrassment from earlier came flooding back as you watched her try to make up her mind about something, pecking your lips once again.

"Roll over..." She said, then let out a breath of amusement from her nose when your eyebrows furrowed. "But I've been good..." You muttered, watching her nod, kissing you quickly before backing her face up once again. "Exactly."

Face down ass up with three fingers stuffing your hole and a vibrator on your clit was the perfect way to reward you. She usually liked doing it all herself, though, when you did a good job, you got good a outcome. You had been such a good girl after all, why not give you a little something to feel for another few days?

"Ellie-"

Drool dribbled across your cheek and onto the pillowcase that didn't match the bedspread, soft moans and whines tumbling from your lips each time she rocked her hand in and out. It was agonizing, from the long minutes she spent only messing with you, but she wasn't cruel, especially not during your reward time.

"That's it... fuck you look so pretty." Her mumbles were just barely audible, along with whatever babbling mess you were managing to string together. Knuckles sore from holding onto the bed sheets so tightly but you just couldn't let go.

"You want more?" She asked, tilting her head while watching your face with a look of indescribable content, that made you smile at her, shaking your head with a few small pleads following.

"Mhm, pl-please-"

"So polite.." Her lips broke into a smirk, pupils flickering over to the way her fingers disappeared inside of you. Like a very entertaining magic show that she couldn't seem to look away from.

Only this was not an illusion. It was very, very real. And she loved it.

"Please El- oh..." Your voice died away as she moved deeper and much more quickly. Entire body rocking as she fucked you, the sounds of your wetness like music to her ears. It was a sight, a sight just for her.

You shoved your face into the pillow only for the vibrations to disappear and a slap to your ass to be the response. A shriek hurriedly overstepping the noises that had been coming from your cunt and filling the tantalizing silence.

"I wanna see your pretty face." You turned your head towards her, tears of both pleasure and pain prickling your eyes. "S-sorry Ellie." "That's my girl." She hummed, pressing the toy back against your clit while continuing on with her thrusts. Loud moans swallowing up the room once more.

"Ellie m'gonna..." She hummed, cutting you off whilst nodding her head. "I know..." The vibrator seemed to move with an intoxicating pattern of waves before then came a pause and just before you could complain, it seemed to get more powerful. Pushing deeper against you, hand only moving faster and faster.

"M'coming-" She kept it quick, hard, and deep. Giving you the best while you nearly cried from the surge of a pure orgasmic flood that raced you over the edge. Thighs shaking and body giving out against the navy sheets that had already been previously coated by you nearly three times now.

You could hear her speaking, but you couldn't actually hear her. Mutters of nonsense tumbling out along with a string of thank yous that made her smile. She could tell you were coming down hard against her hand while your mouth hung wide, wide enough for her thumb to make it home.

When she did so, she let it sit for a moment, then pressing the digit against your tongue making you gag at the sudden surprise, but she had only laughed.

Your mind was fuzzy, so fuzzy you hadn't realized that she'd slowed herself. Never feeling the kiss she then gave you just above your eyebrow, only the aftereffects of the toy that was no longer even powered on, her hand instead pulling out to massage your sensitive cunt.

Her hand moved from your mouth, gripping your hips to get you to turn onto your back that way she knew you were comfortable. Hearing you sigh as soon as she did so made her confident in her position change, besides, she liked how your tits looked in this lighting.

She then brought her hand up, moving behind your head to massage your neck since she'd kept you looking to the side for so, so long.

"Was that good?" She asked, pressing her forehead against your own before pulling back to kiss the spot between your eyes. You nodded in response, "Use your words, babe." You again nodded, this time followed by a quiet, "Yes."

She didn't react though, fingers trailing down to your pussy before pausing. Just below your belly button, her hand had frozen.

"You look so pretty today." She then mumbled, looking over your thighs once more, she really had liked those shorts.

"Spread 'em." You groaned at her lude words, though your legs came apart. "Don't talk like that."

She chuckled, kissing down your sternum, her lips ghosting over the rest until she was between her two favorite things once again. She had to clean you up now, there was no way you'd end up in the bath before you fell asleep, and all of this would go to waste if she just wiped it away now.

"Like what?" She muttered, warm breath fanning your swollen clit that was already aching for more. "Fuck, look at that, such a good little slut for me." You shook your head. "M'not."

Her eyes met yours again, your little pout making her let up, but not without a slightly longer chase.

"You're not good?" You quickly shook your head. "I am." She raised her eyebrow in response to you. "Then what are you not?" "M'not a slut."

She again, looked at you with amusement in her eyes, humming.

"Sure princess."

"Ellie!"

"I've seen the way you've begged for my cock."

You tried to look away but there was no use, she clicked her tongue and you knew she'd get frustrated if you didn't turn your head back.

"But that's with you..." She let out a breath through her nose, kissing the inside of your thigh. "You think I don't know that?" You let out a noise, unintelligible and nearing a whine. "No, but I-"

Ellie leaned forward, taking a long stride with her tongue up your cunt. Focusing her attention on the bundle of nerves that seemed to really need all of her centered right there. And in your head that was as heavy as cotton, you were beginning to realize that maybe she was right.

"How about instead of cleaning you up? I show you how good of a slut you are for me?" You choked, painted nails clawing at her bare arms. "You want my strap?" You nodded, thighs trying to tighten around her head, but she kept her firm, restraining, clutch on them both. That meant, they stayed on the bed.

"Gotta ask nicely."

She groaned as she sucked and swirled her tongue around your clit. Eyes on yours - that were blurred and emptily staring at the TV before they turned to stare at her. They had never looked so pretty though. Even while they cried because she teased too much for her own good.

"P-please.." She pulled away, much to your dismay. "Please what?"

"Please fuck me with your cock Ellie..." You whined once more, begging for the other toy she had yet to use, the few choices that stayed alongside the two options of vibrators in the plastic box that usually stayed the closet, but was now nicely sitting open on your nightstand.

"Which one?" She sat up, massaging circles into your hips. "You pick." You mumbled, straining your head only to see her pull out the biggest option, your brain dizzy just from seeing it.

"You gave me the choice..." She reminded, seeing you agree while licking your lips. Pupils tracking the way she clipped it to her pelvis, allowing the tip to bump your clit as she moved it around to adjust it. She just liked how you jumped each time it happened.

"Will you be easy though?" She made a noise, meeting your eyes. "Your choice princess, m'not the one getting fucked." You covered your eyes, peeking through only to watch her align the silicone up with your hole.

"Okay... be easy please."

Pushing in just as you spoke made your mouth stretch wide along with your entrance, pleads for her to go deeper immediately following all while Ellie folded your legs back like you were a ragdoll.

"Already begging... but you're not a slut right?" You shook your head, watching her thrust shallowly into your wet warmth, finding the fake cock rubbing against your walls. "M'not..."

She laughed, moving back and forth faster, holding onto your hips but not as tightly as she had been before. Instead choosing to move a hand in order to press down on your lower belly, watching your eyes widen and an almost scream follow.

"That feel good?" She then listened to you say yes, over and over while staring into her eyes. "More- mo-more El-" "You still not a slut?"

You couldn't answer, looking up at her with your sad stare and wobbly lips, though you were only half sad which made her laugh as she kept going. Leaning down to kiss your pretty mouth that was tainted just the slightest with your sweat that made you just a bit salty to the taste.

"Answer me.." She whispered against you, thrusting her hips back and forth at a slow, deep pace, just how she knew you wanted.

"M'a slut..." You murmured, feeling her grab your face and puff your cheeks up, chuckling as she did so. "What was that?" You looked like an angry pufferfish when she began moving quicker, making you whimper. The girl leaning down to smooch your puckered lips.

"I'm a slut..." You then spoke just the slightest louder, the sound of her hips barreling into your own soon filling up your ears to the brim. "Huh?" You wanted to cry and she saw it, grinning like the Cheshire cat when she leaned in to kiss you again.

"My good little slut, huh?" You nodded, the silicone brushing against your clit each time she bottomed out as she moved over and over again. Broken moans clawing out of your throat and out into the open air confirming that you were in fact,

"Such a good little slut, yeah? Does she wanna come?"

A mess of the word 'yes' came barreling out, holding onto her for dear life whilst she kept you folded back, hiding her face into your neck. She kissed and sucked and did whatever she pleased whilst screwing her pelvis into your own, forgetting the entire fact that she'd said she'd be gentle. It seemed though, that you did too.

"You gonna come?" You kept agreeing to her words, feeling the build up swirl around and around as if it was also teasing you now that she'd stopped. "Come baby, c'mon..."

You felt your juices drip down your ass as you came, shaking around the silicone, crying out for her to not stop. And she didn't as you squeezed around her, gritting your teeth as you came, feeling it through every inch of you. The tip just barely kissed your cervix whilst she rocked her body against your own.

You absentmindedly pushed her away but she hadn't stopped, only slowed, grabbing your leg and turning you to the side. Pushing your thighs together and looking at the way your cunt dripped with your own extract.

"One more? Okay?" You shook your head, denying it but she'd already begun to move. "Just one more, alright?" Her hand ghosted over your nipples, sore from all her play, but it felt good, good enough that you reached to keep her touch there, holding her wrist in place.

"I lo- love you-" You moaned, feeling her nod as her face was close to your own, hair tickling your cheeks. "I love you too baby..." She watched you hum, her hands now ghosting over your face like feathers as she just barely hovered above your flesh.

You were getting close again, you weren't very far in the first place though. Feeling it bubble up in your lower half, pleasure waves moving up and down with a sob of bliss coming right after.

You came hard, this time followed right after having orgasmed just before, meaning this made it seem so much more guttural as it happened again. Squeezing the bottom of the pillow until your hands shook from the pressure of your own grip.

"E-Ellie.." She grumbled out something against the surface of your neck, burying her nose in the smell of you before pulling her head away. Giving a quick peck to your upper shoulder before leaning away to look at the way your cum coated the fake cock and the mattress beneath you both, the look of your worn out and ravaged body along with your slightly overworked face then had her leaning back in.

"How about one more? Just one?"

She was going to be the death of you.

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 11: I Can't Think With You Yelling At Me!

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter eleven of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6.2K

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing, Drinking, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, Angst.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/N: This one takes a bit of a turn guys, but I promise I know what I'm doing. :) Maybe? Probably?

********************************************

Previously:

Suddenly your phone rings, shattering the still silence in your apartment. For a second you hope that it's Butcher returning your call, but when you answer, it's not Butcher.

"Hello?"

"I need you." The familiar voice says.

Shit.

*********************************************

Present Day

“Thank you so much for coming!” Rosemary says dragging you through the front door of her two-bedroom apartment. “The sitter cancelled and I’ve got 5 minutes to make it to the hospital.”

Her dark brown hair frizzes out of a messy bun at the back of her head waving as she emphasizes her point with rapid hand gestures. The dusting of freckles across her cheeks catches in the light from the open windows at the back of her apartment as she traverses through the minefield of toys and children's books sprawled over the bright blue couches, the pastel rug, and the coffee table in the spacious living room.

As heartbroken as you were, you never regretted the night you and Ben spent together, because that meant you wouldn't have had Rosemary and you didn't want to imagine a world without her in it. She was the only good that came from that night. A surprise, but a welcome one. The years that followed losing Ben should have been empty, filled with an endless wandering of the world from someone who couldn’t age and couldn’t die, but they weren’t. Ben might have broken your heart, but he gave you the greatest gift. Rosemary filled the hole in your life and you wouldn’t change a thing. Even if it always ended up like this.

Well, besides the whole Ben possibly being alive this whole time and being tortured in a foreign country.

Rosemary was another reason why you had gotten out of being a supe. You didn't want that life for her and you were afraid that Vought would take her away. She was a second generation supe from two of the first and two of the most powerful supes. So for the early years of her life you lived on the coast of Maine in a small town, making sure that Rosemary had as normal a life as she could, despite having superpowers. At first you thought that she was like Ben, she was strong, faster than the average person, and had enhanced senses, but then you realized that her powers were more like yours except Rosemary did not have to die to obtain the powers of another supe. Rosemary could replicate any ability from a supe that she touched for one day, something you both realized when she was two and started to move things telekinetically around the house after she grabbed on to your arm and wouldn't let go. Which may have been fun for her, but not for you. Chasing around a two year old that could suddenly levitate sharp objects and throw them anywhere she wished was far from your idea of a good time.

When you moved back to NYC 10 years ago, the last time you saw Legend, you decided to introduce Rosemary as your cousin whenever anyone asked, including Stan Edgar, who showed up to one of your art shows as soon as you reappeared in the city, prepared to find out if you were Indigo.

You examine your daughter’s flustered expression, the wrinkled black scrubs, and the frantic beat of her heart that thuds loudly in your ears. Rosemary looked more like Ben than you. They had the same eyes, the same dark brown hair that turned into liquid honey in the sunlight, but you were the same height and had the same nose, your father's nose to be exact. And although Rosemary should be 39, she looked barely older than 27.

But despite her resemblance to Ben, it didn’t pain you to see her. You liked to think that she was a reminder of the boy you used to know, the one that you held on to for so many years when things got hard and all you saw was Soldier Boy and not the boy you loved.

She was the only person who knew everything about you and everything about Ben. She was the only family you had left, well, except for-

“Aunty y/n!” A small pink blur leaps towards your face from the end of the couch, to latch onto your upper body like a monkey climbing a tree.

You catch your four year old granddaughter, Lou, with a smile, twirling her around in the air.  Despite your relation, you made sure that Lou referred to you as aunt, as afraid as you were for exposing Rosemary to Vought, fear that they would take Lou away too haunted you at night. Rosemary also did not call you mom, except after Lou went to bed and only when she was upset.

You both figured that it was easier this way, at least until Lou was old enough to understand why you did things the way you did them.

Thankfully, Lou still hadn't presented any powers, which made you and Rosemary happy. It made finding a babysitter easier when you didn’t have to worry about a four year old picking up a couch and throwing it through a window.

Being with your family always made you feel better, despite everything that happened with yours, you always remembered what your father ingrained in you as a child- that the only real wealth in life was family.

Of course he also was the son of the man who owned more than half of the real-estate in Philadelphia and who personally invested with Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller, so he had room to make generalized statements like that.

When you first got the injection and refused to marry Howard it strained the relationship you had with your parents, well, mostly your mother. She hadn't taken it well, thought you were throwing your life away on Ben. Meanwhile your father and you continued to send letters back and forth until the day he died, despite your mother's want for him to cut ties with you. He was always supportive of what you were doing, wanted to know how Ben was, how you were, and would meet you for dinner occasionally in New York whenever he could. Ben would make an appearance every once in a while, but your mother never came, and it was always like a giant purple spotted elephant was sitting at the table beside you.

You wondered how much grief she gave your father whenever he went to see you. You had tried several times to send your mother letters, telling her of all the good you were doing, but she would send them back unopened. When your father died, you showed up to the funeral and she refused to let you sit on the pews reserved for family. Ben had come with you, and you practically had to drag him away when he started to yell back at her because he knew that despite you being all grown up, he knew that you weren’t strong enough to stand up to her.

"Hey Lou." You smile at your granddaughter. She too had Ben's brown hair, but her eyes were like yours that shone with excitement and happiness.

When Rosemary’s husband died just after Lou was born, you stepped in whenever you could to help her, that meant occasionally babysitting so Rosemary could go to work her overnight nursing shifts downtown in the emergency room.

"I missed you!" Lou hugs you around the neck. She's wearing a floral long sleeve shirt and a pair of pink overalls. Pink was her favorite color and you tried not to be reminded of the dresses your mother forced you to wear when you were younger.

"You saw me three days ago." You brush back the tangled mass of curls from her smiling face.

"Too long." Lou replies.

Rosemary breezes back into the room, toting a large bag over her shoulder. "Okay. I'm so sorry-"

"Don't apologize again!" You wave a hand. "Just go. We'll be okay."

"What are you going to do?" She roots through the bag, looking for some unseen object.

"Oh the usual. Watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I've heard great things about the remake-" You wanted to test if she was listening.

"Y/n!"

She passed.

"I'm kidding Rosie." You put your free hand on her shoulder, noticing the wear in her eyes and the dark circles that frame them. You try to remember if things were as hard for you when you were her age. Given that you had already been injected with Compound V and were living as a superhero you figured that they were.

Maybe when everything calms down we can all go for a long vacation somewhere.

"Okay." She sighs. Her eyes search your face for a second, brows pinching together. "Are you okay?"

You always thought her ability to read you was almost supernatural, but Rosemary wasn’t psychic.

"Um. It's been a rough few days." You shrug, adjusting your grip on Lou.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She looks worried.

"Yes. There are a few things we need to talk about. But when you get home. Go on. I can take care of the little gremlin for a few hours."

You didn't like it when she worried about you. Rosie had enough on her shoulders, she didn’t need the 90 plus years of baggage you dragged around everywhere. But what had happened over the past few days deserved a conversation. You were going to go to Russia to find out what happened to Ben and you weren't sure when you would come back or if you could. Going to Russia might mean exposing your identity, which meant you might have to cut and run. You also weren’t sure how much damage had been done after what happened with Countess. When you killed her, you had expected Vought or the police to show up at your door, but you thought that you covered your tracks pretty well. There wasn't a piece of her trailer left and no evidence to convict you, well, aside from the burned jacket in your apartment that you needed to get rid of. You were still hoping that you could salvage it, but it was doubtful.

Your thoughts drift to Rosemary and Lou. The thought of leaving them behind destroyed you, but if it meant keeping them safe from Vought, you knew that you'd have to do it. But you also wondered if you could leave them behind. They were all you had left.

"Okay. I love you." Rosie half-hugs you with her free hand.

"Love you too. Be careful."

"I love you mommy!" Lou crows as Rosemary kisses her on the head and walks out the front door.

"Alright, what do you want to do?" You ask Lou putting her down.

"PAINT!" She raises her hands over her head like a triumphant gladiator.

"I like where your head's at kid." You smile down at her. "Go get your kit, I'll meet you in the kitchen."

******************************************

When Rosemary gets home twelve hours later, Lou is asleep, but you sit up on the couch with your sketchbook.

Painting with Lou had been enough of a distraction from everything that happened the past few days and the memories of the past that kept rising at the back of your mind, but when she went to bed they started to rush back. The sketchbook had started as a way of escaping the thoughts of what you did to Countess and what she said about you and Ben, but the only thing that you could draw was him. His strong jaw, arching brow, bright green eyes, and mischievous smirk haunted you from the page in front of you.

You hadn't drawn him in over thirty years, hadn't seen him in forty, but you still remembered everything about him, his voice, his laugh, his smile… You had to actively shut off your brain to stop from thinking about him, but none of the usual tricks were working. All you could think about was what if he was alive out there and if the Russians had been torturing him all these years. He was alone.

Did he think that no one cared about him? That no one wanted him?

Yes you hated what he did to you, and as much as you wished that you didn't care, you did. And as much as he hurt you, the Ben you knew would have never left you to rot, he would have come for you and you knew that was what you needed to do for him. The problem now would be telling Rosemary.

Your daughter knew about him. You’d never held anything back when she asked you about her father, including the reason why you two "broke up." In hindsight it was probably not the greatest decision you'd made to tell her exactly what happened, but it was nice to have someone to confide in. And the two of you didn't keep secrets from one another.

"Hey." She whispers with a heavy sigh, collapsing onto the couch beside you. Rosemary drags here eyes around the apartment. "Did you clean?"

"Yeah. It was a bit messy." You smile, shutting the sketchpad so she can't see the page. "Plus I figured it would be nice to be able to sit on the couch without getting probed by one of Lou’s toys."

"Yeah. Don't think I need another little mermaid toy 'exploring' the secrets of the cave, if you know what I mean."

You laugh at her. "How was the shift?"

"Bleh."

"That good?"

"Mhmm." She leans her head against your bicep.

"You know I've been thinking," You put your arm around her shoulders. "Maybe we should all just get away for a few days. We haven't been to the coast in a while. And Lou loves the beach-"

"Don't you have that big show coming up next month?"

"Yeah, but I’ve been feeling a little bit uninspired. I'm thinking about postponing.”

She sits up to look at you, suspicious. "Alright, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong-"

Everything is wrong and I have no idea how to tell you what I need to.

“You have never once postponed a show before.” She raises an eyebrow. "And you’re the worst liar.”

"I’m not lying I am feeling a little bit uninspired.”

"Mom."

"Fine." But you still have no idea how to start the conversation.

How do I tell her that it’s possible her father has been alive this whole time and that he’s currently being held against his will in a Russian Lab? Why is this my life? What did I do to deserve this?

"Is this about Crimson Countess?" Rosemary asks, nudging her shoulder into yours.

"What?" Your head snaps up.

"Her death was on the news. I figured that hearing her name again would make you feel a little-" She moves her head back and forth trying to decide on the word. "Weird."

"It's partly that." You bite the inside of your cheek. "I'm going out of town for a few days-"

Oh and I killed Crimson Countess.

"Where?"

"I can't tell you?" Your face scrunches up as you say it.

"What?"

You sigh and rise from the couch, pacing in front of it. How do I explain this? How do I tell her?

"Why can't you tell me where you’re going? Is this another retreat for your art again? Like when you went camping?“ She almost sounds hopeful, as if that will make any of this okay.

Nothing is okay.

"A few days ago some men showed up at my apartment looking for me."

"Really? Why?"

"They wanted to know about Ben."

Rosie frowns at the mention of her father’s name. “Why? He's dead. And it's been what? 40 years?" She pulls one of the multicolored pillows into her lap, smoothing her finger over the stripes. The shift in her mood is obvious.

"I don't know. They introduced themselves as government agents and I told them the usual lie about Indigo being my mother and that she was dead. And told them a limited amount of information-"

"I still don't see why you have to leave for a few days?" She interrupts.

You press your lips into a tight line.

This is not going to end well.

Rosemary frowns. “What did you do?”

How can she read me so well? I'm her mother, I should be the one doing the reading!

"Alright, I'm going to say something and you can't freak out." Your hands are clasped in front of your chest tightly, trying to think of a way to tell her that you killed Countess.

"What?"

"Promise me."

"I promise."

"I killed her." You say it slowly, gauging her reaction.

"Who?"

"Crimson Countess. I lost control and I killed her."

"What?" Rosie rises from the couch so quickly you think she's flying. "You killed Crimson Countess?"

"Shhh. You're going to wake Lou. And what happened to the promise-" You look down the darkened hallway where your granddaughter is asleep in her room.

Because that's just what the situation needs, for Lou to find out I'm a murderer.

"Fuck the promise! Why were you even with her?" Rosemary asks you, her eyes are still wide.

"That's why it's complicated-"

"Uncomplicate it now." She puts her hands on her hips looking ridiculously like your mother.

"I went there because I started to think about how Ben died, and I realized that I never heard it from her. I heard it from Legend and from Stan Edgar and I wanted to-“

"So you killed her?"

"She said a lot of things that upset me, but she also told me that-" The words catch in the back of your throat. "That Ben might not be dead."

"He's what?" She shouts.

"Rosemary I'm serious you have to stop shouting. Your neighbors are going to call the cops and that's the last thing I want right now."

"Well obviously because you murdered someone and covered it up!"

"Please get off the high horse. She wasn’t a good person.” You snap before you can stop yourself.

Guess the guilt is gone. Honestly, what guilt?

"Fine." She closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath. "Go on."

"The Russian army took him. Which means that there's a possibility he's still alive and I need to know." You didn't expect her to understand why you needed to go. You just hoped that she would let you.

"Are you kidding? This guy did terrible things to you and to other people! He said horrible things to you and you're going to go help him? I say just leave him to rot!” Her green eyes flash around the room, familiar in a way that makes your heart ache.

Her harsh words hurt. Rosemary only knew what you’d told her about her father and although you tried to tell her about the way Ben was when he was younger as she got older Rosemary wanted to know why you and Ben had a fight. And you didn't like lying to her. Now you consider that maybe you should have.

Because what if he was alive? Would she want to meet him? Would he care enough to want to meet her or Lou? I mean I can cut him out of my life, but if Rosemary wants to know him I shouldn't stand in her way...

You and Ben weren't exactly careful that night, but you weren't sure if he just never cared about that kind of thing before. You weren't sure if he actually wanted kids, the one time you'd asked him and he'd said it "maybe" sounded nice to have some kids. You didn't know if that was a good standard to hold him to or not, given that he was drunk when he said it.

Then again, Ben was always drunk.

"I know that you can't understand this, but even though I hate him, I can't leave him. If the roles were reversed, if it was me, Ben wouldn't leave me. Even with everything he said.” Your chest tightens. "And it hurts me to think that he's been there since 1984 with those people doing God knows what to him."

Rosie sighs. "Mom, I know that you love him, but maybe it's better this way. He’s out of you life. You’re doing better than you were. You said it yourself you felt trapped when you were a supe-“

"He might not even be there. I just need to know what happened. And that means I have to leave for a little bit and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to come back.”

"Wait what do you mean? You'd come back. You'd go over there, find out and then come back right?" She looks confused.

You press your lips together. "There's a possibility that if I do this, it will expose me, and I’ve already evaded Vought once. I’m not sure I can do it again.”

"So, what? You're gonna go over there and throw away everything for a guy that shit all over your heart and threw you away? Really? You're going to throw Lou and me away for him?" She's gesturing wildly with her hands now, eyes flashing around the room and again you're reminded of Ben.

"I'm not throwing you away-"

 It breaks your heart that she'd think that you'd do that, that you were willing to sacrifice them so easily.

Am I doing that?

"You're throwing away the life that you've built for yourself. You told me that you were more happy now that you'd been in the past. And now as soon as you hear about him you go right back? Just like how he made you leave your family-"

"He didn’t make me leave my family, it was my choice! I’m not throwing away the life that I have made and I'm not throwing away you or Lou. If you or Lou were taken, you better believe that I would fight for you, I wouldn't leave you to fend for yourselves for any amount of time. You are my family. And yes Ben is an asshole and I've hated him for the past forty years, but I can't leave him."

"I can't believe you're doing this." She pinches the bridge of her nose frustrated.

"I believed after all these years that the reason why Ben died was because I wasn't there. And Countess confirmed it."

"But he's not dead!"

"Maybe. But they made us fight so that I wouldn't be there. They wanted us to fight because they knew they wouldn't be able to stop me if they turned on him-" You try to reason with her, but you know she won’t listen.

She's just so damn stubborn. Just like someone else I know.

"That doesn't matter! That doesn't make what he did or said any less okay." Rosie snaps, before her gaze softens. “It doesn’t change anything. They may have caused you guys to fight, but Ben said those things to you. They didn’t make him say that or do that. He chose to. And I can’t believe that you’re going to forgive him-“

"I don't have to forgive him and I don’t want to. It’s not about forgiveness. I can't leave him. He might be able to turn his back on me, but I can’t stand back and ignore him if he needs help. Believe me I wish I could. I wish that after everything that happened I could walk away, but I can't.  And I know you don't understand that but-" You try to take a step towards her, but she steps back.

"That's not what I don't understand. What I don't understand is you playing with the possibility of losing this for him." She gestures around the apartment. "Do we really mean that little to you that you drop everything for someone that used you and treated you like you meant nothing?"

"You both mean everything to me. Trust me when I say that, but the fact that those two men showed up at my apartment and everything that happened with Countess means that I'm already involved. They already made this about me. I don't know why they needed to know about him, and I want to know why.”

“I can’t believe this.” She stalks past you into the kitchen to get down a bottle of tequila from the top shelf above the stainless steel refrigerator where she locks it away from Lou.

“Rosemary you’re so young-“

“Don’t make this about age. You’re older than me and you should know better.” She angrily pours a shot of tequila before knocking it back.

You try not think that the answer to all of your problems might lie in the bottom of that bottle. Sobriety definitely wasn’t getting any easier, not after you killed Countess or the revelation that Ben was possibly still alive. And especially not now in this fight.

“When you finally told me about him, it was the first time I’d ever seen you break.” Rosemary isn’t looking at you, she's looking down at the floor. “You’ve always been this strong independent figure in my life. You never needed anyone’s help to raise me. You’re so strong and formidable,  but then you told me what he did to you and I’ve never seen you look so small.”

The memories of what happened between you and Ben surge up again, but you beat them away with a stick. The last thing you wanted right now was to relive that in the middle of this fight.

She looks up, locking eyes with yours. “I don’t know why you would do this to yourself again, put yourself through that-”

“Because I still love him.” You mutter. As soon as you say it, you know it’s true. Ben did terrible things, said horrible things, but deep down you still loved the boy you grew up with. And maybe that was the problem, you imagined the boy you grew up being tortured and left to rot, and the thought broke you. “And I don’t know how to stop. Even after everything he did, we spent so many years together and the memory of them doesn't just vanish. I won’t be able to live with myself knowing that I could have helped him and I didn’t.”

Rosemary stands there halfway in the kitchen and the living room, the bottle hanging from her right hand. This time she drinks right from the bottle before answering. “If you really need to do this, then I'm going with you."

"No."

"Why not? I'm as powerful as you-"

"It's not about being powerful, I don't want this life for you, I've never wanted this life for you. I've worked so hard to keep you out of it-"

"But-"

"No. This is why I introduce you as my cousin, why you were homeschooled, why Lou is homeschooled, why Lou doesn't call me grandma, why you don't call me mom around other people. If Vought finds out about you or Lou, it won't matter. None of this will matter.”

"You don't know that." She says it softly.

"I do." You take her hand. "Rosemary, you are one of the strongest supes I've ever met and you're second generation. And Lou, we don't even know what her powers are, but I can guarantee that as soon as Vought finds out they will come for you both. There's a reason why I never told them what my real power was. I kept you both far from this and I don't want them to know."

"I don't want you to do this alone. What happens if you get taken over there?"

"What if you come with me and we both get taken? What about Lou then? What would happen to her? I don't want her to grow up without a family. Please. Just let me do this. It’ll probably take 2-3 days tops.”

Rosemary doesn’t look happy. “I don’t care how long it’s going to take. The only thing I care about is losing you.”

“They’re not going to take me-“

“Not just then.” She sighs. “I mean after. If you do have to cut and run-.” Rosemary shifts her eyes towards the hallway where Lou is asleep in her room before bringing them back to you. “I don’t care how complicated it is, we will go with you.”

“I won’t ask you to do that-“

“It’s what family does. It’s a sacrifice that I’m willing to make. I can always get another job, Lou can be homeschooled anywhere, and I don’t want Lou to live in a world where you’re not here. She needs her grandmother.”

Her words make tears prick in your eyes as you watch her determined stance. Rosemary and Lou were the only family you had left, the only two people that you cared about in the whole world. And maybe she was right, maybe you were throwing it all away for Ben. You hated yourself for wanting to help him, but you knew if the roles were reversed Ben would have come for you.

Well, the old Ben would have come to get me, maybe not Soldier Boy.

"You got another glass?" You ask with a sigh, looking at the bottle in her hand.

"You sure?" Rosemary raises an eyebrow.

"I'm gonna need it to get through the next few days. There's no way I can do any of this shit sober." You mutter following her into the kitchen.

Ten minutes later, you're both sitting at her kitchen table with a bottle of whiskey and a fresh bottle of tequila between you. The haze of alcohol is making you feel infinitely better given the past few days you've had.

The whiskey burns pleasantly as you take a drink from the bright green sippy cup in your hand. Rosemary hadn’t washed dishes so this was the best she had. You knew you probably looked ridiculous.

Rosemary eyes you. "I can't believe you're drinking."

"I really needed this." You snort. "Given the past few days I've had-"

"I also can't believe you killed her."

"She wasn't a good person." You frown remembering what Countess said to you. "Plus I never liked her even before everything that happened. I know that's not a god enough reason to kill someone, but I can't change that now." You run your fingers through your hair to push it back from your face, trying to lose yourself in the buzz, but Ben keeps flashing through your mind.

Damn it, he's invaded by subconscious again.

Another few minutes pass as Rosemary sits there taking a sip from the bottle in front of her. “Do you really miss him that much?”

You pause considering the question. “Yes and no. I miss the person he used to be, before all of this. I think that’s the problem. I’m holding on to the person I grew up with. That’s all I keep thinking. That boy I knew being tortured in that lab.”

“It’s why you stayed on Payback for so long?”

“Yeah.” You take another drag of whiskey frowning at the sippy cup. “Sometimes I’d get glimpses, shapes really and it would make me forget who he was as Soldier Boy and then when I woke up the next day, Soldier Boy was back and Ben was gone.”

There were always quiet moments when it was just the two of you, when you forgot who he became and all you saw was the boy you used to know. When the cameras weren't rolling, the team was gone, and Ben was crashing at your apartment, for some unknown reason. He would do that, continue to show up at your apartment like he had when you were kids. It never made sense to you, especially because he only slept in your room growing up to escape his father. You couldn't think of a reason why he slept at your apartment when you were adults.

Probably just didn't want to be alone.

“That’s why you slept with him?”

“Yes. That night all I saw was the old Ben. And then I woke up with Soldier Boy.” You bite the inside of your cheek as the memory of the morning that followed washes over your mind. You never understood why he ran to Countess, never understood how he could push you away after all the years you spent together. Why he lied and said that he didn't care, because he had to. After everything you’d been through Ben had to care. You remember what Countess said to you and your shoulders sink under the weight.

Or maybe he was just a better liar than I thought.

“Do you regret sleeping with him?”

You look up at your daughter. She really does look like Ben. She was strong, determined, stubborn, and the way she held herself was so confident. And even though she would have been one of the strongest supes she chose to be a nurse, chose to devote her life to helping people instead of the shock and awe of the superhero world. You were so proud of her. You wondered if Ben would be too.

“No.”

“Why? You say that you loved who he was and then he-"

“Because he gave me you. I wouldn’t change a thing. You and Lou are the only thing that matter to me. I know you hate it when I say this, but you’re so young, you have no idea what it’s like to live as long as I have without changing. And whenever it was just me and Soldier Boy I was so alone until Ben came back. I don’t think I would have lasted these years without you Rosemary, think I would have given in to Vought or maybe gone to the government-“

“Are you serious?” Her eyebrows pull together as a worried frown graces her lips. She knew what you were saying.

“Yeah. But I am happy. Happy for the first time in a long time. The problem now is dealing with everything over there.”

“How about I come with you and wait in a hotel-" Rosemary tries again.

“No. It has to be me. I have to go.”

She sighs. “I just hate the idea that you’re not going to come back.”

“I’m going to come back." You smile. "If you can remember I'm a supe too-"

“If they’ve been able to hold him all these years, that means they could take you too.”

“Don’t know if I should be scared or impressed.” You snort into the cup.

“It not funny.”

“Fine, if I’m not back in a week, then I give you permission to come. But I don’t think you’ll need to.”

"You're old and decrepit. Probably will need my help-"

"Low blow."

She smiles faintly.

You roll the glass in your hand for a moment, watching the amber liquid swirl against the green sides. "If he is alive, would you want to meet him?"

Rosemary takes a long pull of tequila, but doesn't answer for a long time. "When I was a kid, sometimes I'd imagine that he was still alive-"

"What?" You looked at her genuinely shocked. You hadn't realized that she ever thought about Ben.

"That he would walk up our long driveway at our house in Maine and we'd be a family. That was before you told me about that night." She runs one of her fingers down the label of the bottle frowning. "I don't know. After what he did to you, I don't know.  Plus I’m almost forty years old, don’t really think I need a father now.”

This time you reach for the bottle of Whiskey, not bothering with the empty sippy cup. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you what he did. Should have let you fantasize about him, see the good-"

"I'm glad you did." She squeezes your hand. “And you didn't just show me the bad, you told me about the good times too."

"Maybe too much bad."

"I don't hate him. I'm mad at him for what he did to you, but I don't hate him."

"So it's a maybe?"

"I guess. I say that now, but I think my reaction if I do ever meet him will probably be the complete opposite. I’m also not sure if he should be around Lou.”

“Ben wouldn’t hurt her.” You press your lips together. "I don't think he would."

“Maybe not intentionally.”

"He's not a bad guy, well-" You take a sip from the bottle, remembering the fight. “He’s just complicated. I guess.”

And I'm still making excuses for him. 

“Sounds like you’re going to forgive him.” Rosemary is frowning at you.

For someone who wants to maybe meet him, she’s acting like she still doesn’t want me to forgive him.

“Trust me, our story is over, finally. I’m just going to bust him out of wherever the hell he is and then I’ll never have to see him ever again.” You remember what you yelled at one another the night of the premiere and it strengthens your resolve. You didn't want to forgive him, you just wanted to get him the hell out of Russia and maybe slap him around a bit and then go home and finally move on with your life. Because you were slowly realizing you never did, you just packed it all away deep down and pretended to move on. "This isn't about forgiveness, it's so I can live with myself."

"I just don't think you should forgive him so easily."

"I don't want to and I'm not going to. He doesn't deserve that." You mutter that last part into the bottle, because it was true. Ben didn't deserve your forgiveness, hell, he didn't deserve you risking your life to find him, but you had to.  His death left such a big hole in your life and you beat yourself up about it for years, you not being there for him when he needed you the most. But now, going to Russia, getting him back, meant that you could finally move on, that you could close the hole and finally be at peace.

Rosemary leans back in her chair with a sigh. “Promise me,  you're going to come back."

"I promise. Not even Homelander can stop me." You smile at her. “Now I just got to figure out where Ben is.”

Easy. Yeah right.

***************************************************

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[imagine-you]

the darkest hour never comes in the night [Logan/Reader]

Summary: Part 4 of my Home 'verse. Logan gets back after a clean up job with the X-Men to discover that you're missing. He's ready to track down whoever dared to lay a finger on you, but first he's going to have to seek an old mentor for help if he wants to find you. // Once you realize you're trapped in a nightmare of Sinister's making, you have to find a way to free yourself of the illusion. Even if you do manage to escape, will you ever be free of Sinister or will the effects of his experiment linger? Word Count: 15.6k Author's Notes: This chapter may contain: Surprise cameos!, angst, rescue missions, protective Logan, an omega level mutant or two, a smidge of foreshadowing, found family dynamics, reader being a badass, and Logan's POV!

When I'm With You I'm Home 'verse

Read on AO3

Logan had never been the type to believe a good thing would last.

Even when he felt on top of the world, he knew that sooner or later he would stumble right off and fall back to where he belonged at the bottom.

After losing his wife and the X-Men, he knew that there was never going to be a different ending to his story. He lost himself in bottle after bottle, searching for every escape he could get if it meant he wouldn't have to think about everything that had gone spectacularly wrong since the moment he walked away from his family.

If he could take it all back, then he would. But he couldn't, so he was forced to move on.

Loathe as he was to admit it, Wade had saved him from himself. He had been quick to hate him, all the good things had long been burned out of him, but Wade had changed that by being a special brand of hopeful and moronic. He had pushed and pulled and persisted when Logan wanted nothing more than for him to shut the hell up. He had forced Logan to be a hero again even when he felt like his own worst enemy.

When he was convinced that his universe was a lost cause because of Wade's deception, he could feel himself start to slip again. He took out all of his anger and resentment on Wade, loving that Wade could give as good as he got, because he wanted to feel the pain he was doling out. Loss and rage had blinded him once again and he felt hope slip away from him with each time he stabbed and tore and ripped into Wade.

But then a miracle happened. He woke up in that shithole they called the Void and found his missing piece. Y/N wasn't his wife, and despite what he knew she feared, he never compared the two of them. They had different sighs, laughs, smiles, moans, and turn-ons. Any thought of them being the same person was swept away in the Void when he kissed Y/N. She didn’t feel like his wife and ultimately, that was what he needed to move on.

Y/N had never been a replacement for him. She was something entirely unique and while he had fallen hard and fast, the initial attraction based on familiarity soon strengthened into the absolute love they shared.

He was so terrified all the time that he would lose her too. When they were in Y/N's first universe, he had wanted nothing more than to rip the other Logan apart. The other Logan looked at her like he thought she was still wrapped around his finger, at his beck and call for whatever he wanted to take from her. But Logan had made sure he got the message that Y/N was no longer his to string along. She had moved on, and while Logan would never think he was in any way better, he knew that he would never treat her like that.

He would never leave her for anyone else. Not only because he knew it would absolutely destroy her to lose him twice, but because he would rather let Wade unload a whole clip of adamantium bullets into his brain before he lost her.

It was the thought of returning home to Y/N and Laura and whatever surprise dinner was awaiting him there that got him through the rest of the mission with Wade. They had agreed to help the X-Men clean up after someone had blown up a bank. No one died, but a lot of people had been injured. It was only one in a series of attacks that had plagued the city, and no one knew who was responsible.

If Logan's previous experience told him anything, it was that whoever it was would crawl out of the woodwork sooner or later. Bad guys loved two things. Taking credit for their shitty behavior and boasting about it to anyone who would listen. He just hoped when the person was caught, he was front and center, ready to put an end to them once and for all.

"So," Wade started as he kicked at a piece of rubble. "Who do you think this shit stain is?"

"No clue," Logan answered, shrugging his shoulders. "We done here or what?"

"Yeah," Wade sighed, waving at Colossus before he started walking away. "Let's get the hell out of here. I'm hungry enough to take a bite out of Piotr's big, juicy metal ass and last time I tried that I nearly lost a tooth," he lamented with a sigh. "What do you think Y/N's making us for dinner?"

"Us?" Logan wondered, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Well, yeah," Wade said, clapping a hand to Logan's back and ignoring his growl of annoyance. "You might be ready to kick me out like last night's one night stand, but Y/N happens to love me."

"Oh, really?" Logan huffed out an annoyed breath. "She tell you that?"

"As a matter of fact, she did. She told me we had to keep it on the down low, though, because she's just using you for your looks. I guess I can't give her everything."

Logan rolled his eyes, knowing it was useless to try to get Wade to stop being such an idiot. It was just who he was.

When Logan got back to the apartment, he expected to find Y/N and Laura waiting for them. Y/N had been eager about whatever dinner she had planned, and he was excited to share it with his favorite people and Wade.

Except, when he unlocked the front door, it was to Laura pacing the floor and smoke rising from the stove. He hurried to grab the pan and shove it under the faucet while Wade turned off the stove.

"What the hell happened?" He asked, turning to see that Laura was now standing at the window, intently watching the sidewalk down below.

"Y/N's going to be upset," Laura confessed, not bothering to tear her attention away from where it was directed out the window. "She said ten minutes, but it's been longer than that, and it burned anyway. Now her dinner is ruined, but she's not here. She was supposed to be here."

Logan had never heard Laura say so much all in one go and he knew it was only because she was genuinely worried. Concern was beginning to take hold of the confusion he was feeling, and he didn't know what to do with it without the answers he needed.

"Where did she go?" Logan asked as he started walking towards Laura. “Where’s Y/N?”

Laura finally turned to look at him. "The market on the corner. I--" Laura cut herself off with a scowl before she shook her head. Logan could hear sirens down below and he wondered if someone had reported the smell of smoke in the apartment. "I heard a noise. A boom," Laura clarified. "I was waiting for her to come home, but she hasn't, and now I'm worried that was her. I should have gone to find out what it was, but I just kept waiting for her to come back. I'm sorry."

"Fuck," Logan growled before he was out the door, not even bothering to wait for Wade or Laura to follow him. He could hear their footsteps behind him, but he wasn't willing to slow down. He was downstairs and rushing towards the corner store, a million different worries flooding his mind the closer he got.

He drew to a stop once he got to the store. The windows had been blown out and glass littered the sidewalk. Logan cautiously walked forward, peeking inside the store to see if Y/N was there, but she wasn't. He could smell her, though, which prompted him to walk inside, ignoring an officer yelling at him that it was a crime scene.

Logan allowed himself the time to take a close look at the damage. He could hear Wade distracting the officers outside and Laura was hovering in the broken doorway, unsure of her welcome.

Half the shelves had been destroyed and most of the store's stock was on the floor, knocked down by whatever had caused the explosion. The glass doors of the refrigerated cases had been cracked and the smell of smoke was threatening to drive him out of the store, it was so strong.

He couldn’t smell Y/N in here. Not with the smoke and all the other scents still lingering. He was trying to keep calm, but it was hard not to run off, chasing the smell of her.

What the hell happened to her?

Something on the floor caught his eye and he crouched down to look at it. He picked it up, turning it over in his hand. It was her keys. He had a brief, inane thought that if her keys were here, then how was she going to get back into the apartment? How would she come home? Would she come home?

The thought had him clenching the keys so tight in his fist that they cut into his skin.

"Logan," Laura called, gaining his attention. She sounded terrified and that had him immediately turning towards her.

She was crouched on the floor, studying something he couldn't make out at first. When he got closer, he realized that she was staring down at blood that had spilled on the ground. He joined Laura before he reached out, gently touching the blood and letting it stain his skin.

"Do you think it's hers?" Laura asked, her voice small and wary.

Logan hated hearing her like that, because even when she was facing Cassandra's goons and Alioth, Laura hadn't been scared. Hearing Laura like that only let Logan know that this was real. Y/N was hurt and she was missing and she might never return.

Logan stood, fury and horror making his heart pound so hard he could barely hear anything over the rush of blood.

He left Laura behind, needing to get out of the store. He was torn between panicking and fighting and he didn't know which way to turn to get Y/N back.

All he wanted was to get her back.

Wade was still being a distraction and Laura was still in the store and Logan had no one there at his side to tell him it was going to be okay.

He noticed a man sitting in the back of an ambulance. He was wrapped in a blanket and talking to one of the EMTs. Logan hurried over to them, shouldering the EMT out of the way to talk to the man.

"Do you work here? Did you see what happened?"

"Hey, he's suffered a--"

"Shut the hell up, bub," Logan snapped over his shoulder at the EMT. "Was there a lady here? Did she get hurt?" He directed at the guy in the ambulance.

The guy nodded his head, looking terrified as he stared up at Logan.

"Hey, tall, dark, and gloomy, give the guy some space," Wade prompted, finally joining him. "What's got you being an angry bear all of a sudden?"

"The lady," the guy started, still keeping eye contact with Logan, visibly frightened by him. Logan had no idea what he looked like at the moment, but he was about ready to snap Wade's neck if it meant getting some answers out of the guy. "She, uh, she came in looking for something. And then there was an explosion. And then--"

When the guy stopped talking, Wade stepped forward, reaching out a hand to fully push the EMT away. Logan noticed the guy roll his eyes before stomping away in the direction of the police officers investigating the scene.

"Alright, what happened after that? Now's not the time to be skimping on the details, friendo. Not unless you want me to give you some incentive to participate in share time here," Wade said, pulling one of his katanas free from where he still had it holstered to his back.

"Okay, okay," the guy scrambled to stand, looking like he wanted to put some distance between him and Wade, but he had nowhere to go. He held his hands out, silently pleading for mercy. "Then this guy came in and he was weird. He had glowing eyes and he was carrying a pack of cards with him and he had this accent I'd never heard before. He seemed to know the lady, because he picked her up and carried her right out of here."

"Was he about this tall?" Wade asked, demonstrating with his hand a height that was a little taller than him. "Roguishly good looks and like he could make love to you all night long with incredible physical stamina? Did he sound like an extra on True Blood they don't want to give many speaking parts to?"

"Will you shut up and let the guy talk," Logan snapped, half-tempted to stick his claws in Wade's face if it would give him just a moment to figure out what was going on.

"I guess," the guy answered, nodding his head at Wade. "I don't know how, but I think he caused the explosion. I think he was looking for that lady. I think she’s why he was there."

"Come on," Laura said, appearing at his side. "We're about to have company."

Logan glanced over to see three officers approaching. "Let's get the hell out of here," he muttered, not wanting to deal with whatever questions they might have.

"So," Wade started, keeping at Logan's side as he walked away. "Either an old friend took Y/N or there's another close-up magician running around with the same tricks."

"You're suggesting it was Gambit? They were friends in the Void. What would he want with her? Why would he hurt her?"

"It's not the same Gambit," Laura supplied, shaking her head. "Our Remy adored Y/N. He never would have done that to her. It must be the Gambit from this universe."

"Then we find this Gambit and we get him to tell us where she is," Logan suggested, barely keeping his anger in check. He wanted to find Gambit and rip his throat out, but that wouldn't help him find Y/N. Once everything was said and done, he would find a way to deal with Gambit.

"I have a better plan," Wade chimed in, finally holstering his katana again.

"You're a fucking idiot," Logan snapped, barely sparing Wade a glance. "There's no way in hell you're going to call the shots right now. Not when Y/N is missing and hurt." His voice strained on the last word, and he noticed Laura shoot him a concerned look.

"I might not have a great track record when it comes to teams. Got kicked off the X-Men, got most of X-Force killed, poor Johnny God rest his soul and his truly impressive vocabulary, but I've done alright for you so far, haven't I? You're still here," Wade pointed out, reaching out to grab Logan's arm and wave it around as if he needed proof. "And so's the little munchkin," Wade continued with a glance at Laura. "And I'm telling you that I have a plan to get Y/N back."

Wade still hadn't let go of him and Logan couldn't resist the urge to drive his claws into his ribcage. "An educated wish isn't going to cut it this time," he snarled before he ripped his claws out, not caring when Wade wheezed out a 'son of a bitch' before hunching over and clutching at his side. Logan was ready to let his anger carry him through the rough emotions he wasn't ready to process. Y/N wouldn't like him turning on Wade, but using the regenerative asshole as a punching bag was safer than taking it out on anyone else. It wasn't like she was there to stop him.

"This time?" Wade asked with an incredulous laugh, cursing under his breath when he managed to straighten up. "If I remember right, the last time I made one we spent the whole night stabbing each other. That's not going to get Y/N back, so let's not waste our time."

"This is real," Logan hissed, getting in Wade's space and pushing him back until he stumbled and fell to the ground. Logan only loomed over him, itching to put his claws somewhere that would only cause Wade more pain. "And if she dies because your fucking plan doesn't work, then I'm going to tear your spine out and bash your face in with it."

"Oh, hold on there, angry bear," Wade was quick to reply, bouncing to his feet and putting a few steps of distance between them when he noticed Logan bring his hand up. "Y/N is my friend. I care about her just as much as you do. Don't you fucking turn on me when I'm just as invested in finding her."

"No, you don't fucking care about her as much as I do. You don't know--," Logan abruptly cut himself off, the hitch of breath in his chest painful. He felt like he was struggling to grab onto anything that would keep him from falling and Y/N wasn’t going to be there to reach out and help him up. He wanted her with him so badly in that moment that he could hardly breathe past the longing and fear. Where was she? What the hell was happening to her? Why the fuck would Gambit take her? Why would he hurt her? What if he never saw her again because he was off playing hero while he should have been home with her? If he got her back, she was never leaving his side again. He would go where she went. He would kill anyone who even so much as tried to lay a hand on her.

"Logan," Laura interrupted his thoughts, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "Just hear him out. If it's a stupid plan, we'll do something else. But for now, it’s all we’ve got."

Logan clenched his jaw, fighting the words he wanted to say. Instead, he gifted Wade with a reluctant nod of his head. "What's your plan, then?”

"Look," Wade started, moving to stand in front of Logan to halt his steps. "I may be an idiot, you're right, but if there's anything I know about the X-Men, it's that there's someone out there who can track down mutants using a super handy dandy mutant-finding machine," Wade pointed out, holding up two fingers to his temple, imitating Charles when he was using his abilities.

"Cerebro," Logan surmised with an incredulous laugh. "You want to ask Charles to find her." He knew it was the right plan. For once, Wade had a good idea. But the idea of going back to the X-Mansion and asking Charles for help felt wrong. He didn't know what it would do to him to go back to that place, even if it wasn't the same one he had left behind in his universe. He didn't know if he could ask Charles for a favor when he still felt like he had his Charles' blood on his hands.

He had done a good job of ignoring all the guilt and pain he felt being back at the mansion in Y/N's universe, because he was more focused on her than anything. But now she wasn't even here, and he might never see her again. He didn't want to dredge up old memories when he was still fighting down the panic that was making him sick to his stomach.

"You know old Chuck won't turn us away," Wade continued, ignoring the wariness in Logan's voice. "If anyone can find Y/N, it'll be him."

As much as Logan didn't want to revisit the place that featured heavily in his nightmares, he also didn't want to risk Y/N just because he couldn't get his head out of his ass. "Then let's go."

Seeing the X-Mansion under the current circumstances had Logan on the edge of a breakdown. In his old life, he had been a fuck-up and a drunk and it had cost him his wife. But this time, he had been better. He was present and had barely touched a drop of liquor and yet Y/N had still been taken from him. He felt cursed and he didn't know what was going to become of him if he never saw her again. It felt like it had been written somewhere that James Logan Howlett was meant to suffer every damn day of his miserable life and if this wasn’t proof of some cosmic punishment for being a complete fuck-up, then he didn’t know what was.

Colossus opened the door when Wade kept insistently knocking on it.

"Wade?" Piotr questioned, frowning at him. "What are you doing here?"

"We've come to see the Professor," Logan answered, already feeling the familiar swell of irritation rising with each moment that passed and he wasn't any closer to finding Y/N.

"I'm afraid--" Piotr started, but Logan cut him off.

"Professor!" Logan called, pushing past Piotr. "Charles!" He tried when he didn't get an answer.

"The Professor is busy," Piotr attempted to dissuade him, but Logan wasn't having any of that. He unsheathed his claws and turned towards Colossus.

"This is important," he spat, advancing on Piotr. "So, you find the Professor and tell him we need him now or I'm going to see what these will do to you," he warned, bringing his claws up so Piotr wouldn't need to question what he meant.

"Alright, angry bear, let's just take a moment to reassess," Wade cut in with a hand to Logan's chest. "Where's 'ol Chuck hiding? Hey, Chuck! Where you at?"

"Piotr? What on earth is going on?" A voice drifted in from the next hallway before Charles appeared in the doorway of the foyer.

"Charles," Logan started, advancing on him. "We need your help."

Charles studied him for a moment before tilting his head to the side. "You're not the Logan I know."

Logan never wanted another telepath in his head after what Cassandra did to him, but he knew Charles would never hurt him. It still didn't mean he had to like it. "I'm not from around here," Logan confirmed with a nod of his head. "But I need you to find someone for me."

Charles locked eyes with him and Logan knew he was skimming his thoughts, trying to figure out why Logan was really there. Logan did his best to give up all the information he could, knowing it would speed up the process a hell of a lot sooner than any conversation. The quicker they got down to Cerebro, the quicker they could find Y/N.

"Professor," Piotr called, but Charles shook his head.

"It looks like our new friends need my help," Charles told Piotr. "And I'm not going to let them leave here without doing what I can for them." Charles turned his wheelchair around before glancing over his shoulder. "Well? Are you coming or not?"

Wade clapped him on the shoulder before he skipped forward. Piotr muttered something in Russian before following, leaving Laura and Logan to trail behind the group.

Laura had been quiet for the rest of the trip to the mansion and Logan knew that she was feeling as guilty as he did right now.

"Hey," he whispered, waiting for her to look up at him. "This isn't your fault, you know?"

Laura scowled before she smoothed her expression out into something more neutral. "I know."

Logan reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, earning another scowl. "No, you don't. Because I know right now you're thinking that if you had been with her, then you might have been able to stop Gambit."

Laura nearly stumbled, but she was quick to right herself. "I didn't realize you were a telepath too," she snarked. "Don't tell me what I'm thinking."

If Logan didn't already know that Laura shared DNA with another Logan, he would have sworn they were actually related. As it was, he still couldn't help but care for the kid. She looked at him like she was seeing a ghost half the time, but he knew that she still had some things from her past she needed to resolve. If he could help, then he would, but he didn't want to push. He knew it wouldn't go well if he did.

"I don't blame you," he tried, knowing it was closer to what she was worried about along with Y/N's disappearance. "I don't want to lose you either," he also threw out when he realized it might also help.

Laura didn't respond, but he noticed the way her shoulders slumped, built-up tension easing with the reassurance.

Logan forgot what it was like to watch Charles while he used Cerebro. Knowing that Charles was touching every mind he could searching for Y/N had hope blooming in his chest. Charles was the most powerful telepath he knew, and he always came through for him.

He tried to hide his disappointment when he saw the concentrated frown on Charles' face.

"Y/N," Charles called out, searching for her. "Y/N," he tried again, staring off into the distance, seeing something Logan couldn't.

Charles shook his head, glancing up at Logan.

"There's something, but I can't tell if it's really her or not. It's faint, almost as if she's not really there or something's blocking me from finding her."

Logan suddenly recalled what Cable had told them. Y/N's forcefields would eventually be strong enough to keep out a telepath as strong as Charles. Charles must have read his mind, because he made a thoughtful noise.

"It seems as if whoever took her is trying to keep out a telepath." Charles didn't say anything for a moment before he added, "Or keep a telepath in. Possibly both."

"Why would they need to keep a telepath in?" Laura wondered, shooting Charles a nervous look.

"If they have unlimited access to her mind, then they can condition her to believe anything. If they can keep another telepath from intervening, then they can do whatever they want to her mind."

Logan's claws began to pierce through his skin, and he turned his back on the others so they wouldn't know how upset he was feeling. "Why," was all he got out with his jaw clenched and his shoulders so tense he felt like they would snap. "Why her? Why are they doing this?"

"I can keep trying," Charles offered, "but I'm not sure if I will be able to get through to her. Not right away, at least. Until then, I’m afraid I won’t be of much use to you. I won’t be able to give you the answers you seek."

"Remy," Laura blurted, stepping forward to stand at Charles' side. "Find Remy LeBeau. He's the one who took her and he might know where she's being held."

Charles went silent as he reached out, trying to track down Remy. Logan thought it would take a while, but it seemed like no time at all before Charles let out an amused chuckle.

"Well?" Wade prompted when Charles stayed silent. "Wanna share with the class, Professor?"

"The man you're looking for is standing at the gates," Charles finally spoke, breaking himself away from whatever mental conversation he had been having with Remy. "It seems he's waiting for you."

"Then let's not keep him waiting any longer," Logan growled, unleashing his claws. Logan didn't even wait for the others to keep up with him. He wanted to find Gambit and choke the life out of him for touching Y/N. He wanted to sink his claws into Remy's chest and let him drown in his own blood. Most of all, he just wanted to find out where the hell he had taken Y/N.

As he hurried towards the gates, he could see someone standing just outside them. There was a flash of pink and Logan realized that Remy was idly flipping one of his cards between his hands.

"Where the fuck is she?" Logan noticed Remy turn to watch him as he barreled down the driveway towards him.

"Who?" Remy played dumb with a slight smirk on his face.

"You fucking know who," Logan spat, pulling back one hand, poised to strike, once he was close enough to hurt Remy.

Remy flicked a card at him, letting it ignite and explode, knocking Logan back several feet.

Logan felt a low rumble in his chest that only got deeper as he threw himself at Remy again. Remy snapped another card at him and Logan felt fire dance along his skin as he was thrown to the ground from the blast. He knew he would only heal, but he was starting to get frustrated.

He rose again, intent on finally getting his claws into the smug, insufferable asshole before Wade stepped in. "Okay, big guy, the sun's getting real low."

"Shut the fuck up," Logan snapped before he took another swipe at Remy, only barely grazing his skin because Laura showed up and pushed Remy out of the way.

"He's the only one who can help us find Y/N," Laura told him when Logan shot her a betrayed look.

"Shit, I'm oh for two on that one," Wade groaned as he unsheathed a katana. "Guess it only works on the Hulk." He pointed one of his blades at Remy. "I suggest you start talking or I'm gonna make you talk. Where's Y/N?"

"I might know how to help you find her," Remy finally admitted, holding his hands up in surrender. "But I'll need a little reassurance that if I get you to her, you'll help me kill him."

"Him? Who the fuck is him?" Logan wondered, wanting to know who the fuck took Y/N so he could track the guy down and kill him.

Remy grinned at him, as if he knew what Logan was thinking and he approved. "He goes by Mister Sinister."

"Whoa, whoa, wait," Wade brought his hands up, putting one vertical and lying the other over the top of it to form a 'T.' "Let's just pause here. He calls himself Mister Sinister? Dear God, what is with all these self-important Marvel jackasses thinking they're so special? Mister Sinister, Mister Fantastic, Mister Negative," Wade listed, bringing up a finger for each one. "From now on, you're all calling me Mister Deadpool. No, never mind. Lord Deadpool," he settled on with a firm nod of his head. Gambit shot him a disbelieving look and Wade flipped him off. “Bitch, I said what I said.”

"Jesus," Logan grumbled, wishing that Wade would learn that sometimes saying nothing was preferred than whatever rambling nonsense was coming out of his mouth at any given moment.

"Yes?" Wade turned to look at him as if Logan had been addressing him.

Logan rolled his eyes, unimpressed, before turning his focus back on Remy. Wade was good at throwing himself into a situation and making himself the center of attention, but Logan wasn't about to let himself get distracted. Not when Y/N's life was at stake.

"Where the hell can we find this Mister Sinister?"

"Ah, I think your telepath friend should be a part of this conversation, seeing as he's the one who's gonna be finding your friend."

Logan drew in a deep breath, attempting to keep the refusal he so desperately wanted to give from breaking free. He wanted Remy nowhere near Charles or anyone else he might hurt. Charles was the only person who could find Y/N. If Remy took Charles out of commission, then they might never find her. But Logan, as much as he hated it, knew that he was backed into a corner. He was going to have to trust that if shit hit the fan, then Wade and Laura would help him keep Remy in line. He supposed if push came to shove, they could just get Piotr to sit on Remy and see how long he could stand it until he folded.

He looked over at Wade, meeting his gaze, and only felt marginally better when Wade gave a tiny nod of his head.

At least they were on the same page for whatever was about to happen.

"All right, Gambit, Le Diable le blah blah or whatever the fuck it is you're called, let's go, then," Wade said before gesturing for Remy to start walking up the path towards the mansion.

Gambit shot Wade a contemplative look before he let out a chuckle. "Your friend seemed to know far more about me than she was supposed to as well. I suppose we've met in another life," he mused with an expression Logan didn't like.

Logan felt a rush of anger at the idea that Y/N had looked up at Remy and thought it was the one she knew. He hated that Remy looked like he was nearly fond of her. As if he hadn't just kidnapped her and left her in the clutches of someone who would likely only hurt her.

He didn't realize he had raised his hand to sink his claws right into the smug bastard's back when Laura reached out and placed a hand on his arm. He was quick to snarl at her, but she wasn't phased.

"Once we know where Y/N is," Laura told him before flicking a glare at Remy. "Then you can do whatever the hell you want to him. But until then, try to make sure you don't do anything that will keep him from talking."

Logan hated to admit that the kid had a better head on her shoulders than he ever did, but he was also fiercely proud of her. She was smart and even though she had one hell of a temper, she was still levelheaded when all he wanted to do was kill whoever stood between him and Y/N. He knew, though, that once they had the information they needed, Laura would be just as ruthless.

Piotr was waiting for them at the entrance to Cerebro. He didn't look pleased to see Remy, but he still stepped to the side, gesturing for him to enter.

Charles was facing the doorway, his gaze staying on Remy as he entered the room.

"You're quite the fascinating one, aren't you?" Charles asked, studying Remy with a thoughtful expression.

"You could've at least bought me dinner first," Remy commented with a smirk. "Or at least got me liquored up before you went rummaging through my head."

"Extenuating circumstances," Charles replied and from the tone of his voice, Logan got the hint that Remy and Charles were having an entirely different mental conversation.

"You wanted to have Charles here and he's here," Logan pointed out with a gesture at the telepath. "So talk," he commanded, an itch just under his skin becoming more unbearable by the moment. He felt like every moment he wasn't running towards Y/N was a waste of time. He didn't want to play any more games with Gambit and he sure as hell didn't want to let him distract from why he was here.

Charles and Remy kept their eye contact for long enough that Logan was about to sink his claws into the any part of Remy he could reach if it would just get him to talk. Finally, he tore his gaze away from Charles, breaking whatever connection they had.

"The Professor here knows most of the story by now, but I'll tell you what I can," Remy finally said, turning to give Logan a curious look. "And then when I'm done, we'll go rescue your lovely bele and we'll kill Mister Sinister. It's a win for both of us, my friend."

"That's only if I let you walk away after this," Logan pointed out, pulling his hand into a fist, half-tempted to flash his claws at Remy.

"Oh, you're gonna need me, and I expect by the time we're through, you'll want to keep me around," Remy shot back with a wink.

"Holy shit, I think you've got a shot with Gambit," Wade hissed at him and Logan reached out to push him, nearly sending him toppling over the walkway.

"Tell us where Y/N is," Laura demanded, quirking an unimpressed eyebrow at Remy.

"I'll get to that," Remy promised, "but there's more to this than what you think. Mister Sinister has done horrible, terrible things and I did them all for him, because he asked it of me. But I don't want to be that person no more. Because he'll kill everyone he doesn't want knowing what he knows about mutants. That's where he lost me, you see, the killing. I knew that if I could pull this off, then I would be done with him for good."

"What does he know about mutants?" Logan couldn't help but ask, confused and worried about where Remy's story was going.

"He's a geneticist," Charles chimed in, his tone solemn. Logan didn't know what information he had gotten from Remy, but evidently it hadn't been anything good. "He craves power, be that for himself or those he deems worthy of his experiments."

"I knew that if I did this one last job and grabbed your Y/N for him, then I could count on the X-Men to help me take him down. I wanted to put him on your radar, because I can't take him down alone."

“Motherfucker, have you never heard of a cell phone? You pick it up and you call someone and tell them important shit. You don’t resort to kidnapping half the main pairing. Look what you’ve done to the story, you selfish bastard,” Wade admonished, pointing one of his katanas at Remy.

Remy went quiet for a moment before he continued, his expression somber. "I made a deal with Sinister long ago because I was scared of what I could do. It's not just these that I can charge and then make go boom," he explained, suddenly holding a playing card between two fingers. "It's anything. Even you," Gambit admitted, nodding at Logan. "I can do much more than that. But I got scared, you see, and I asked him for a favor. And then he asked me for one. That favor turned into a group of mutants who did a lot more harm than good. And I don't want anything to do with that ever again. So, no, a phone call wouldn’t have cut it," he explained to Wade. “I needed this to be personal. For all of us.”

"Just how dangerous is this Mister Sinister?" Logan wondered, fearing even more for Y/N's safety. Was he experimenting on her? Why did he even want her in the first place? He felt like Gambit was raising more questions than answering them and he hated that this just seemed to be wasting more time.

"Incredibly dangerous," Charles answered. "If Remy is right, then we will need to be careful. It's likely that Y/N is being manipulated into using her ability to keep me out. Whatever this Mister Sinister is doing to her, he doesn't want anyone interfering."

"I've been wanting this fight for a while," Gambit continued once Charles finished speaking. "But I've been careful, because I knew that if he learned about what I had planned, then he would kill me."

"I don't give a fuck about you," Logan snapped, knowing that Y/N wouldn't even be gone if it wasn't for Remy and his grand scheme for freedom from Mister Sinister.

"If it hadn't've been for me, then she would be dead," Remy shot back, his eyes glowing red for a moment. "I don't know how she snagged his interest, but she must've done something. He wanted her dead, you know, but I stole information for him. Information that saved her. Because like I told you, I'm done killing for him."

Logan didn't know what to say to that. What the hell had Y/N done that pissed off Mister Sinister so much he wanted her dead? The guy sounded like the worst kind of jackass and he didn't like that he had his hooks in Y/N now.

"And I knew that if I was going to pull this off, then I would have to get someone on the inside too. So, I'll show you where he likes to do his experiments. He has several labs, and I didn't drop Y/N off at any of them. But my partner, who also wants to see Sinister burn, is helping him." Remy turned to meet Charles' stare and they had another conversation Logan wished he could hear.

Charles turned back towards Cerebro and placed the helmet back on his head. Logan tried to be patient as he watched Charles search for Remy's friend, but it was hard to know if it was worth it when this might not even work. Remy might be lying or maybe his friend had double-crossed him. This whole plan was based on too many conditions and Logan was terrified that it would all fall apart.

But then Logan caught the faint edge of a smile on Charles' face. "It's been a long time," Charles mused, evidently talking to someone else. He didn't say anything for a moment. "Thank you," he finally uttered and removed the helmet.

"Who was that?" Wade questioned and Logan marveled at the fact that he had forced himself to remain silent for so long.

"An old friend," Charles answered before nodding at Remy. "I know where they are. I can get you to the facility from here. In the meanwhile, I'll continue to try to get in contact with Y/N. Our friend helped me get a little closer, but I couldn't get close enough. It's strange. She's there, I know she is, but it's like she’s been muted."

"And you trust this old friend?" Logan trusted Charles implicitly, and while he knew Wade and Laura would have his back, there were too many unknown variables being thrown in now.

"We might have had our problems in the past, but yes," Charles confirmed with a nod of his head.

Wade clapped his hands together before reaching out to slap a hand to Gambit's shoulder. Gambit shot him a bemused look, but Wade was already turning to address Charles. "Does this mean we'll finally warrant someone from the A-team of the X-Men? No offense," he threw in Piotr's direction.

Piotr merely frowned at Wade in confusion.

"Most of the X-Men are out on missions, but someone did just get back a few hours ago. I believe he'll be able to help you. I'll call him now," Charles offered before closing his eyes and bringing his right pointer and middle fingers up to his temple.

Wade shot him a glance before imitating Charles and Logan had to roll his eyes. He would never say it to him, but Wade had a good plan. Now, they were a step closer to finding you and they were even getting reinforcements.

"Oh my God, I'm so excited. Who do you think it'll be? I'm betting on Cyclops. Sure, he's a bit of a self-righteous little prick, but damn will he get the job done," Wade rambled, gesturing widely enough that he almost smacked Remy in the face. Logan was half-sure it had been done on purpose.

The door to Cerebro slid open and a man walked inside.

"Oh my God, it's--," Wade cut himself off as he considered the man. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Alex," the man answered with an annoyed glance at Wade. "Prof, what's going on?"

"This is Alex Summers," Charles introduced, gesturing towards the guy. "Or Havoc as the team is so fond of calling him.”

"Bitch, didn't you die?" Wade wondered, staring at Alex in confusion.

"What? No! I'm right here," Alex pointed out, gesturing at himself.

"Huh," Wade mused for a moment before he shook his head. "Wow, the retcon is real with this one. I guess people really don't give a fuck about the Fox movies anymore."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Alex asked, looking like he was just moments away from attacking Wade.

That definitely wasn't going to do a damn bit of good, so Logan decided to step in. "We need your help tracking down someone. She's…," he trailed off, not even sure there was a word to describe exactly what Y/N was to him. "Everything," he finally settled on and when a look of understanding flashed across Alex's face, Logan carried on. "And this Mister Sinister took her and now we need to get her back."

"Then let's go get her," Alex agreed with a simple nod of his head. "Where's she being held?" He asked as he addressed Charles, waiting for Charles to share the information with him.

Logan took a brief moment to size up the team. He looked from Wade to Laura, knowing that they both wanted Y/N back and would risk everything to save her. Alex and Piotr were X-Men who were trained to rescue anyone they could while also stopping the bad guy. And then there was Gambit, who was an unknown. He wasn't the one from the Void, but he claimed he was done with Sinister. Logan didn't want to, but he would have to trust him too.

Charles seemed to sense the turn in Logan's thoughts because he offered him a warm, reassuring smile. "I'll continue to attempt to contact Y/N and let her know you're on your way. You'll find her, Logan."

Logan didn't want to say that he feared the state he would find Y/N in. What if he was too late? What if she were gone and he would never get her back? He had suffered over and over his whole life, but she was the bright spot that pulled him up from the depths of rock bottom. If he plummeted that far again, he didn't think he would ever get up again.

"Have faith," Charles told him and it took Logan a beat too long to realize he hadn't voiced that out loud, instead choosing to speak to Logan in his mind. "Y/N is waiting for you."

Logan nodded his head before he looked at his makeshift team. "Let's fucking go."

You opened your eyes, staring at the bookshelves in front of you. You weren't sure whether you wanted to laugh or cry with relief, but you settled on making yourself stand up. You were ashamed, guilt threatening to weigh you down, at what you had become.

Charles told you that help was on the way, but what would Logan think of you once he found out what Nathaniel had nearly made you do? Even if it wasn't real, you had nearly killed someone out of spite. You had been so ready to destroy yourself just because you had been pushed too far. Years of training with the X-Men had gone right out the window and you had let the bad guy get to you.

"It wasn't real," you muttered to yourself, trying to convince yourself you weren't too far gone. All you had to do was think about Logan, the real Logan, coming to find you and it had you strengthening your resolve to get the hell out of whatever trap Nathaniel had constructed for you.

The help that was promised would be useless if you couldn't figure out how to escape the illusion. You tried to think of anything that might help you pull at the curtain, getting a peek at the wizard behind it. It took you a moment, but you finally realized besides Nathaniel and the voice in your head that had been Charles, there was one other fixture that had been steadily present in the fucked-up existence Nathaniel dreamed up for you.

You forced yourself to your feet, intent on seeking out the only other person who might be able to give you some answers.

She was still sitting at the table, idly flipping through a newspaper. Seeing her in her ever present all-white ensemble made you feel like you were about to trip right down the rabbit hole, chasing a white rabbit who would only bring you more trouble.

"Took you long enough, sugar," she drawled, arching a brow at you.

"Who the hell are you?" It wasn't really what you wanted to know, but it would give you a little bit of clarity.

"Emma," she supplied, finally turning in her chair to consider you fully. "Emma Frost. And you're Y/N. I know all about you," she claimed, briefly tapping a finger to her temple.

"You're a telepath," you surmised with a groan.

"Got that right," she agreed with a wicked smile that sent a shiver through you. "But I'm on your side, if there even are sides here. Nathaniel, as you know him, is someone who goes by an entirely different name. Mister Sinister," she added when you shot her a confused look. "He stole you away because he wanted to tweak your powers. He wanted you on his side, because he claimed you would be a wonderful agent of destruction. He's been using your forcefields to keep out Charles, but while Nathaniel's been distracted, I've been lowering your defenses and letting Charles in just enough to try to talk to you. I'm the one who told him where we are."

"Why," you bit out, not sure how to stomach all of the information. Why are you here? Why are you helping him? Why are you helping me? All those questions went unspoken, but from the way Emma nodded her head, you knew she still heard them.

"Nathaniel needed a second telepath to keep you contained in his reality, because he wanted to fully immerse you. He wanted a good telepath, someone who could keep his deception running. He contacted The Hellfire Club and thought he could hire me, but there's not enough money in the world to make me give a damn about his little schemes. But I was curious, and Remy approached me with a more tempting deal, so I'm here. Despite what Nathaniel might think, some people can't be bought. He was stupid enough to leave me in charge whenever he couldn't give his full attention to the lie and I’ve been doing what I can to let Charles in without Nathaniel noticing. "

"Remy," you muttered, thinking back to the explosion in the corner store that had started it all. "He was real?"

"Real as you or me, sugar. Nathaniel's got agents everywhere, but Remy wants out and I decided to help him. He wants Sinister gone once and for all and I thought that was a worthy enough cause to let myself get wrapped up in all this."

You didn't know how to keep up with everything she was saying. You felt so angry, fury burning through you faster than you could process, but you couldn't let it overwhelm you. You needed to keep your head, because if you slipped now, it might be the difference between life and death. If you weren't careful, you might never see Logan again.

"Wake me up," you snapped, advancing on her. "You're a telepath, right, so get me the fuck out of here."

"Are you sure you're ready for that? You might not be prepared for what's going to happen," Emma warned.

"I just want out," you hissed, feeling that creeping sense of anxiety pushing in at the edges. You felt restless and wired and all you wanted to do was bring the fight to Nathaniel. "Let me out," you pleaded, hating how your voice went weak and broken on the last word.

Emma studied you for a moment before she stood up. "Be careful what you wish for," she warned before reaching a hand out and placing it on your shoulder.

There was a moment when you felt like you were falling. Darkness enveloped you and there was a rush as Emma forced you out of Nathaniel's illusion. Your senses came back to you one by one, leaving you to try to piece together what was happening to you.

You heard a steady beeping noise and felt like something was weighing you down. You heard someone muttering to themselves and felt the chill of the room. You could smell something vaguely metallic, and a bitter taste coated your tongue. You could feel a freezing sensation sweeping through your veins as well as the stiff sheets that covered a cot you were lying on. None of it was comforting and you wanted nothing more than to see for yourself what was going on.

After what felt like minutes that had dragged into hours, you finally forced yourself to open your eyes. There was a light shining in your eyes and your vision when shockingly white for a second. Pain spiked through your head, but you forced yourself to focus, glancing away from the light to the side.

There was a man standing there. He was facing a machine, focused on a readout. You instinctively knew that it was Nathaniel, but he looked different. His skin held a greyish tint to it and from the reflection of the screen he was looking at, you could see his eyes were red.

"I should have known better than to trust someone who I pulled from the depths of The Hellfire Club," Nathaniel mused, meeting your eyes through the reflection. "Although, I supposed her diamond mutation is the only thing that will save her now. It's really quite intriguing."

You felt a shiver run through you and you attempted to sit up, but it was then you realized you were strapped down to a bed. There was an IV set up, the needle nestled in the crook of your arm. Panic flooded your mind, and you struggled uselessly against the restraints across your chest, stomach, and thighs.

Nathaniel turned to look at you, a pleased smirk on his face. "I'm not going to hurt you," he claimed, as he took a step towards the bed. It was then you caught sight of the red glowing diamond on his forehead and you didn't know why that set you off. Nathaniel had seemed normal, but seeing him as Mister Sinister finally convinced you that you were in the presence of someone truly evil. "Not when I invested so much in you." He grabbed the back of a chair that was close by and settled it near the head of the bed. He sat down in it, uncomfortably close to your face, and reached out to brush a hand over your forehead, wiping away the cold sweat that had broken out.

"Why," you managed to get out, even though you were shaking. "Why did you take me?"

Nathaniel sat back, giving you a moment to breathe without his intense focus bearing right down on you. "I was going to kill you," he admitted with a fond smile. "You took out my Marauder. My Riptide. No one had ever done that before. He's unique, you see, and I was upset. While I was blinded by rage, my Gambit saw something in you. He's quite the thief, you know. He found the TVA's records on you. I'm still not sure how he got in and out without them noticing, but he's a clever one."

"Remy," you whispered, thinking of the friend you once had in the Void. But this wasn't your Remy and you didn't know what to think about the fact that he had inadvertently saved you and signed you up for Nathaniel's mindfuck of a plan. Your Remy had been bold and chaotic, but he had never been cruel. He never would have worked for Sinister. "Why is he working for you?"

"He needed something from me," Nathaniel answered, reaching out to trace an 'x' with his finger over your forehead. "He was terrified of his own power and thought I could help him control it by removing a piece of his brain. In return, I made him work for me. He's been working with my other Marauders to draw you out for weeks with attacks around the city. I knew I needed you alone, so I bided my time."

You licked your lips, suddenly so aware of how dry your mouth was that you couldn't stand it. "What did he find at the TVA?" You knew you should be trying to get away, but you wanted answers. You also had the feeling that as long as Nathaniel was right there at your side, you wouldn't be going anywhere. You might as well take advantage of the situation while you could and hold on to the hope that Logan would show up soon.

"Did you know that your universe lost its anchor being? Scott Summers," he answered without you even having to ask. There was an affectionate, warm look that flashed across his face before it was gone. "He's another mutant I've always found quite fascinating. Have you heard of him? Of course you have. You were on the X-Men together," Nathaniel continued with a sly grin, confirming he knew more about you than you wanted him to.

Your mind was racing at the implications that Scott had been the one keeping your universe together. Losing Scott had surely set your life spinning off in a crazy direction, but the fact that your universe couldn't survive without him? You weren't sure whether to laugh or cry at the thought.

"Your universe maybe had several hundred years before it died out, but the TVA knew about your potential. They pruned you and dropped you into the Void to give you time to get over your heartache. You were so broken up over losing the Wolverine that you became a shell of yourself, and they couldn't have that. They needed you strong and ready for a fight." Nathaniel's fingers swept down from your forehead before brushing over your eyes and then nose. He continued down until he could press them just under your jaw, checking your pulse.

"Then what happened?" You asked just to keep him talking. You didn't like the way he was considering you now, measuring and fixed right on you.

"I'm sure you can guess," he prompted with a sharp grin, showing his teeth. "They planned on approaching you after a few years once you had the time to properly hone your abilities and ask you to work for them. But then Wade Wilson and Logan Howlett saved every universe from being ripped apart by Cassandra Nova and made you one of their little consolation prizes. They still wanted you, but Nathan Summers intervened on your behalf."

There was another brief fond look on his face at the mention of Cable and you wondered why he was so outright obsessed with the Summers family. It was as if he thought they were his playthings that had managed to impress him.

"So," he continued, finally pulling his hand away from your throat, "the TVA dropped their plans for you. I, however, plan on doing no such thing. What they were willing to wait years for, I achieved within a day. Because I knew all I had to do was get you all to myself and make you see things my way. Once I knew about you, I couldn't let you go. I theorized that your powers, if left to mature, would become incredibly destructive. You could level whole cities. You could trap people and make them suffer in such beautiful ways. And you could do it all without taking any damage to yourself. You're perfect," he turned a warm smile on you that felt entirely wrong. His hand drifted down towards the needle still stuck in your arm. He tapped it twice, smirking at your wince, before ripping it out. "And I wanted you all to myself. I could have wiped your mind and erased Logan from it, but I didn't want to do that."

A small part of you thought maybe this would all have been easier on you if he had done that. But then you thought about Logan, who hadn't actually abandoned you at all. None of your grief had been real, because it had been entirely fabricated by the man sitting at your bedside.

"It was like I told you, I had to break you to remake you. So, I broke you," he leaned down so his face was hovering just over yours. "And you made it so easy for me," he drawled with a wicked grin.

You felt a rush of anger and strained against the straps keeping you tethered. A disappointed expression flickered across his face and he shook his head.

"Your self-esteem issues are truly impressive, do you know that? Even now, after all the work I've done, you still doubt yourself," he hissed, reaching out to cup your cheek in his hand and forcing you to look fully at him. "I've crafted some truly wonderful mutants in my time. Scott Summers, Nathan Summers, the Maximoff twins. They have all yielded some of the best results, myself not included, but it's been quite some time since I've dealt with such raw, organic potential. I barely had to do anything. It was all locked up inside, hidden beneath layers of your own mental blocks. I just had to power through them and get you to see what you’re capable of doing."

You heard a low rumble before the lights flickered. It felt like the building shook for a brief moment and then stilled. It was then you could hear people shouting and screaming before it was followed by another explosion.

Nathaniel let out an amused chuckle, as if he wasn't concerned about what was happening just outside the lab.

"Enjoy my gifts," he added before he stood, backing away from you. “I expect to see you using them.” He turned to face the doors just as someone rushed inside.

"They're here for her," he growled, nodding towards you.

You were shocked to see Sabretooth and you wondered how it would affect Logan to see his brother again.

"Of course they are," Nathaniel sighed before following Victor. "Then let's go welcome our visitors."

You panicked at the thought that Nathaniel would be going anywhere near Logan. His goal had been to separate you from Logan so he could swoop in and fill the void in your life. What if he actually wanted to kill Logan? There was no doubt in your mind that he would find a way to kill him if it meant he could get you under his control. The illusion had shattered, leaving Nathaniel with no other choice but to rip Logan away from you for good.

You could feel fear and rage mesh within you and all you wanted to do was get rid of the damn restraints. You pushed and pulled and finally when you had enough, you brought up a forcefield. It was pressed in so close to you that you felt nearly crushed by it, but then you shoved it outwards, recalling the feeling of using it in the reality Sinister had constructed for you.

It worked, sloppy and off center, but you still got the result you wanted. The floor beneath the bed was cracked, but the straps had given way, and you were free.

You could hear the fight, but you couldn't see it. You decided to rectify that, attempting another repulsion field and aiming it towards the wall that separated you from the others. This one was better, although you figured if your target was a wall, then it wasn't that much of a struggle. You used the forcefield and pushed out, sending out a concussive blast that put a crack in the wall. You watched as the crack grew and split, branching off in multiple directions before the wall began to crumble, taking part of the roof with it.

The next room was total chaos.

The first person you noticed was Remy. He was flinging card after card, hitting targets and making them explode. He had his staff in one hand, using it to deflect and push, slamming it into people before making them ignite. After that it was Emma, drifting around the room in her diamond form, and using it best to her advantage. You noticed how she slipped in and out of it, before using her telepathic abilities to freeze people, paralyzing them. Then it was Piotr and a blonde man you didn't recognize. Piotr was knocking out people while the man used plasma blasts that traveled along the length of his arms before he directed them at Sinister's followers.

Laura was kneeling on someone, using her claws to slash and gouge a man's neck and chest. She was visibly enraged as she stood, flicking blood from her hands as the man beneath her succumbed to his injuries. She moved on to the next one, single-mindedly focused on making them suffer the same fate.

Wade was practically dancing around the room, spinning his katanas at a speed you could barely keep up with as he sliced through one person's midsection before sticking the other through someone's neck.

Finally, your gaze landed on Logan. His lips were pulled back in a snarl, his teeth bared as he fought through the room. He dug his claws into someone's back and ripped them out, blood spraying all over his front and face. Then he was on to the next person, cutting easily through their sides and picking them up on his claws, forcing them deeper. He seemed to realize Victor was part of the fight, because he only grew more frenzied as he threw himself at him, sinking his claws into Victor’s neck.

He was beautiful in his ferocity. Knowing that it was all for you left you breathless in a way you didn't know how to overcome. You had spent what you thought were weeks without Logan when it had only been a day. Logan had never left you. Logan was here, killing mercilessly all to save you.

They were all here to save you. You couldn't reconcile that thought with the thoughts that had clouded your mind once Nathaniel got his hands on you. But here they were, your family with a couple additions from the X-Men, rescuing you.

Sinister's henchmen were falling left and right, but you had lost sight of him. You knew the others could take care of his followers, but you wanted to find Nathaniel for yourself.

You wanted to be the one to kill him.

You let yourself go invisible, seeking him out. It wouldn't be over until he was well and truly dead. Someone knocked into you, and you instinctively turned, forming a forcefield around your fist and bringing it crashing right into the person's jaw. You felt the bone break beneath the force of your hit and the person clutched their jaw, howling in pain. Another hit and they were on the floor, their nose crushed and bleeding freely.

You turned and found Sinister near the blonde man, a taunting grin on his face as he spoke to the stranger. You made your way through the room towards them, forming spikes along the forcefield surrounding your fist and driving them up into someone's chest. You kept going, punching through bone and muscle until you could feel your forcefield break through to the other side. You wrenched your arm free, leaving the person to drop to the floor, lifeless.

You aimed a repulsion field at one person, watching as they got torn in half by it. You then formed a forcefield around another, inverting it so that the spikes were on the inside and the person was simultaneously punctured by hundreds of pinprick spikes.

You kept moving through the room, dodging and striking and shielding and pushing when needed. You only had eyes for Nathaniel, thinking that once he was gone, there would be no more threats to you or Logan or anyone else you loved.

There were only three more people between you and Sinister when you saw the blonde stranger let out a plasma blast from the middle of his chest. It was wild and less controlled than the ones that had come from his fists, but it seemed more personal. He advanced on Nathaniel, not letting up even for a moment, until Nathaniel was on the ground and still.

You were terrified for a moment that you had lost your chance, and you used a forcefield to shove the blonde back. He shot you a confused look, his arm coming up to aim a blast your way, but Wade swooped in, shielding you.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Havoc, she's the baby bird we're trying to get back to the nest. Don't hurt her." Wade turned to look at you and even with the mask on, you could see the relief on his face. "It is so fucking good to see you," he said as he approached you. You let him pull you into a hug and you figured he was just about one of the only people you would let touch you at the moment. The other two were across the room, taking care of the last of Sinister's team.

After a moment, you stepped away from Wade's embrace and kept walking towards your target. He was still on the floor, plasma burns marring his skin. You could see where his regenerative ability must have been trying to kick in, tissue attempting to connect again, but it wasn't working.

He locked eyes with you and you knelt at his side. You weren't sure why, but you reached out to grab his hand. He was real, solid, and there was no way he was getting up off the floor. Not if you had anything to do with it.

He laughed, the sound choked for a moment, as he offered you a bloodied grin.

"You were always meant to be special," he croaked, briefly squeezing your hand. You had a brief moment, thinking back to the world he created for you. Nathaniel comforting you and manipulating you and leaving breadcrumbs down a dark path for you to follow. "It won't be the last time you see me, Y/N. I'll always be with you," he promised, tapping a finger against the back of your hand.

You were aware of the others coming towards you. The blonde stranger in the X-Men uniform was watching the pair of you, but he wasn't intervening. The others seemed to know that whatever you were doing was important, even though you could practically feel the weight of Logan's stare on you.

There was a red light that had been flashing through the room and a siren that was droning on in the background. You didn't feel like you were in danger, though. There was something brewing deep within you, and it felt powerful. You felt indestructible as you clutched Nathaniel's hand with the knowledge that you were about to end it all for him.

In the background, a robotic voice came over the speakers. "Warning, status critical. Omega level threat detected. Retreat is advised." The message repeated over and over and you finally tore your gaze away from Nathaniel to consider the others in the room. They were all still, watching you, waiting for whatever it was you were about to do.

Nathaniel laughed again and began to dig his nails into the back of your hand. "I made you more," he whispered, staring up at you in something akin to awe. It was proprietary and possessive and proud.

The realization hit you and you nearly let go of his hand. You were the omega level threat. Once you freed yourself from your restraints, you realized Nathaniel’s deceit had been good for something, because you had felt powerful, indomitable, but omega level? You had never dared to dream of reaching that peak with your powers. The fact that you only had Nathaniel to thank for that left a sour taste in your mouth that had you craving his destruction even more.

"I made you mine," Nathaniel breathed with a pleased smirk.

You could feel rage descend and sweep aside any rational thoughts you had.

"I was never yours and now you're nothing," you hissed as you formed a forcefield around your free hand. It fit like a glove and you let the arcs of the field molded around your fingertips stretch out into spikes. You pressed it gently against his forehead, gifting him with a devious grin. "But really, thank you for the gifts," you sneered before you pushed. A scream built in your chest and escaped through your throat as you pressed in with your forcefield, tearing right through Nathaniel's skull to his brain. You closed your fingers into a fist before letting the forcefield expand, traveling through Nathaniel's body. You let it fill him out, occupying the space just beneath his skin, before you let it shatter, taking Nathaniel's insides with it.

You were coated in blood and viscera, but you didn't care. After everything, spending weeks in a hell of Nathaniel's making, he was dead by the powers he had so carefully helped you hone.

"Shit, girl," you heard Wade saying. "You've been holding out on us?"

You turned to look up at Wade, blinking at him, dazed.

Nathaniel was dead, but the feeling inside you didn't abate. You felt grief, anger, pain, confusion, betrayal, and a host of other emotions that had red still streaked across your vision.

You needed to direct it at something else, anything else, and while most of Nathaniel's followers had fallen, there was still someone else in the room. You got to your feet, dodging Logan's outstretched hand, focused on your new target. Remy had fled, likely sensing you wouldn't be happy to see him this time, but Emma had stayed.

She caught the look on your face and immediately shifted into her diamond form. You laughed as you reached out, forming a forcefield around her head.

"I've got an experiment for you," you started, letting it get smaller and smaller, tightening it around her neck like a noose. All you could think was that she had helped Nathaniel nearly destroy you. She had tried to take everything from you. "Which is going to happen first? Will the diamond finally crack, or will you run out of air? Let's find out."

You saw Emma's eyes go wide in panic, her hands coming up to uselessly claw at the forcefield.

Someone grabbed your shoulders and forced you to turn towards them. You were ready to strike out, but you stopped at the sight of Logan standing there.

He looked so lost, afraid, and you were worried for a moment that he was scared of you. The thought caused you to drop the forcefield around Emma, aware that she was leaving the room now that your attention was off her.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, feeling a swell of emotions you couldn't bring yourself to embrace. Tears welled in your eyes and you finally let yourself fall into Logan's arms.

"It's okay," Logan murmured, letting you rest your head on his shoulder. "I've got you. I have you, sweetheart. It's okay now." He kept up the reassurances as you cried, sobs leaving you faster than you could try to contain them. Logan's arms tightened around you and for one moment it felt like it was just the two of you.

You were fighting every thought that Nathaniel had poured into your brain. Logan had never left you, but you still felt like you had been abandoned. Laura had never turned her back on you, but you still felt like she didn't want you anymore. Wade had never chosen Logan over you, but you still felt like you had been betrayed.

You were a mess and you didn't know how to make the warring thoughts in your head go away.

"Shh," Logan soothed. You could feel him trembling, likely holding himself back. "I've got you, Y/N. He's never going to touch you again. No one is every going to lay one fucking finger on you ever again. Not as long as I'm around."

It was everything you wanted to hear, but there was still a sick twist in your gut that told you it wasn't over. You were literally standing in the remnants of Nathaniel's body, but you felt like he was still in your head. You didn't know how to shake off the feelings he had instilled in you while trapped in his illusion, but you wanted to believe. You so desperately needed to know that Logan was sincere.

You pulled back enough to meet Logan's eyes. Unshed tears were caught in them and they were filled with hope, longing, relief, and fear. You knew Logan hadn't rested since you were taken and you wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed with him.

But you were terrified. What if you went home and you woke up to yet another fake world?

So, no matter how much you truly wanted to go home, you needed something else more.

"Charles," you rasped, watching Logan's expression fall. "Take me to Charles."

Logan looked like he wanted to argue. "Don't you--" he started before he was cut off by you shaking your head.

"Please," you begged, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and attempting to reel him in closer. "Logan, please, I need to talk to him."

"Let's get you to Charles, then," Logan agreed, his voice gruff as he pulled you in tighter. He placed a kiss to your temple before reluctantly letting you go.

The next couple of hours were a bit of a blur. Piotr was flying the X-Jet back while you sat with Logan pressed close to your side. He had his arm around your shoulders and you knew that it would be a while before he would let you out of his grasp. Feeling Logan against your side, warm and protective, went a long way towards convincing you that you were finally safe.

The blonde stranger turned out to be Alex Summers. You realized that was why Nathaniel had sought him out even when his lackies were being killed all around him. He had an obsession with the Summers family and he couldn't help but pursue it.

"Yeah," Wade started once the introduction had been made. He clapped a hand to Alex's shoulder, ignoring Alex’s eye roll. "We wanted the other brother, but he was busy saving starving orphans from a well or whatever."

Alex shrugged off Wade's hand and shot him an irritated glare. "You're an idiot."

"Don't I know it," Wade sighed before turning back to look at you. He dropped into the seat across from yours and reached out to pat you on the knee.

You nearly flinched away, but checked the reaction in time. From the way Wade quickly drew his hand back, you knew you weren't entirely successful.

"God, what I'd give to run that jackass through with my blades," Wade muttered, carefully watching you.

You didn't like feeling so fragile, but you knew that it would take you a while to heal from what Nathaniel had done to you.

"He's dead," you replied, knowing that it was mostly just to reassure yourself.

Even if you weren't quite convinced, you still had to try to fool yourself into believing it was true.

Once you got to the X-Mansion, Charles was waiting in the foyer. He offered you a warm smile before cocking his head to the side, silently requesting you follow him.

Wade and Laura stayed behind in the foyer with Piotr while Alex stalked off, grumbling something about getting some sleep. Laura let you go with a hug and Wade placed a kiss on your cheek, the fabric of his mask soft against your skin. Piotr simply gave you a solemn nod of his head.

"I'm glad you are safe, friend," he told you before Wade called him an 'ol' softie,' leaving you to follow Charles down the hallway leading off the foyer.

Logan trailed after you, leaving enough space between the two of you so you wouldn't feel crowded.

Charles stopped at a door before pushing it open, gesturing for you to walk inside. You realized once you got into the room that it was Charles' office. You opted to take one of the chairs in front of his desk while Logan stayed near the door. You glanced over your shoulder to see he was leaning up against the wall beside the door, his arms crossed and expression guarded.

You assumed Charles would take the spot behind his desk, but he came to a stop at your side. He turned his chair to face you and you gifted him with the same courtesy, meeting his stare.

Silence fell between the pair of you and you tried to figure out what you wanted to say. Finally, you settled on, "Thank you."

Charles dipped his head in a nod. "I'm glad Emma was there to give us your location. I'm afraid I wasn't able to find you with your forcefield up. They're quite unique," he mused.

You felt just the slightest bit of guilt for the way you had turned on Emma once Sinister was dead, but you couldn't go back to change your actions.

"Piotr mentioned that you wanted to talk to me," Charles prompted with a curious quirk of his brow.

"I know he's dead," you forced yourself to say. "Alex and I killed him, but I still feel like he's in my head. What if he left something behind? What if he's still in there waiting to strike again?"

Charles considered you for a moment before he reached out. "May I?"

You shot Charles' hand a wary look. You would rather let Piotr hit you full force than allow another telepath in your head, but you needed to know. You finally leaned forward, crossing the distance between your head and Charles' outreached hand.

There was a rush before Charles carefully started picking through memories. Between Nathaniel and Emma, you felt mentally frail, but Charles was being delicate.

"Oh, my dear," he whispered, dismayed at whatever he found. "You've been through quite an ordeal, haven't you?"

You didn't have to answer, because you knew your secrets and the darkness that had invaded your mind were all in full view for Charles to peruse. You were ashamed and humiliated and terrified that Nathaniel had tipped you over the edge and now you were falling, heading straight for rock bottom.

"I can assure you that Sinister no longer has any hold over your mind," Charles continued, still combing through your memories and thoughts. "If you like, I can try to suppress the memories," he offered, his voice calm in your head.

You wished more than anything that you could allow Charles to soothe the balm, but you were worried about letting anyone tamper with your memories. Even though Charles had the best of intentions, you wanted to know that everything in your mind was undeniably yours.

"If you change your mind or need me to take another look, all you have to do is ask," Charles said, carefully extracting himself from your mind.

"Thank you," you managed before standing. You turned to see Logan still watching you, a tiny spark of warmth taking root in you. "Let's go home," you told him, watching as a relieved smile crossed his face.

"Let's go home," he agreed, reaching out towards you as you got closer.

The following weeks were spent trying to convince yourself that you weren't still trapped in Nathaniel's manipulation. You didn't know how to rid yourself of the doubt, so you did your best to counteract that with the proof you needed to show you that your loved ones would never leave you.

You started by talking to Wade.

Logan and Laura had left to run errands, and right as they were out the door, Wade showed up on the doorstep. You knew they practically had a rotation going to make sure you weren't alone at any given time.

"Fancy seeing you here," he said as he stepped into the living room. "Ooh, are those cookies?" He reached out to grab one of the cookies Laura was addicted to.

So much had been on your mind that you weren't even sure where to start. You were staring at Wade, attempting to figure out what to ask first, when he stopped mid-bite to look at you.

"What's going on, baby bird?" He let himself drop down into a seat at the kitchen table before he snagged another cookie. "This shit is good," he moaned, stuffing one into his mouth whole.

"Wade," you started, sitting down in the chair across from him. "If Logan were to ever leave me, would you let me stay with you?"

Wade suddenly stopped chewing before setting down the third cookie he had swiped. "Did Logan say he was leaving you?" His voice was low and dangerous, cautious enough for you to know he was trying to grasp the situation while forming his plan of attack.

"No," you told him, hoping you were right. "But what if he did?"

"Good," Wade snorted before picking up his pilfered cookie again. "I'd chop his off his balls and serve them to him sunny side up if he ever did," he promised, tone serious.

"And I could stay with you?" You checked, wanting to assuage that fear.

Wade shrugged his shoulders. "I'm always up for a sleepover, sure," he agreed. "You'd have to share a bed with Blind Al, but I promise she won't bite. Well, maybe just once or twice," he amended with a thoughtful grimace. “Or, I could put some couch cushions on the floor and tell her that’s the bed, so we could share,” he added, gesturing between the two of you. “And then we could cuddle and tell each other all our secrets and it’ll be a fun little sleepover every night. Fuck, you should totally dump Logan so we can do that.”

You felt a surprised laugh bubble out of you, and it felt so fucking good. Trust Wade to bring you the levity you so desperately craved. “God, you’re an asshole,” you sighed, loving him all the more for it. You watched him eat another cookie, knowing Laura was going to be pissed when she got back and realized they were gone. "And what if you were mending things with Vanessa and didn't want another roommate? What then?"

Wade was silent for long enough that you started to worry.

"If I were to get Vanessa back," he started, voice uncharacteristically small yet hopeful, "then she knows what she's getting with me. And that includes you," Wade added, shooting you a wink. "We're a package deal now, baby bird, and Papa Deadpool would never leave you."

You didn't respond, instead choosing to push the box of cookies in Wade's direction, silently urging him to take more.

Next, you decided to talk to Laura.

She had been quiet around you, studying you from afar. Logan had told you she blamed herself for not being there to keep Gambit from taking you. You didn't want Laura to feel guilty, so you sent Logan out to get dinner and took your chance to talk to her without anyone else around.

"Gambit would have gotten me sooner or later," was what you said instead of any sort of platitude. "Nathaniel, Sinister," you corrected yourself, "wasn't going to stop. So, if it came down to me being taken or me being taken and you getting hurt, then I know which scenario I prefer. I'm glad you weren't with me," you told her, "because if anything had happened to you, I wouldn't have made it. I need you safe more than anything else."

Laura didn't say anything for a while. She kept absentmindedly running her nails over the fabric covering the couch, digging in until she caused a small rip. "I spent a really long time without a family," she finally got out. "And just when I thought I had someone, he died protecting me. I never thought I would have anyone who actually made me feel like I belonged somewhere, but then you found me. I was lost in the Void for a while and Cassandra's guys were bearing down on me, but then you showed up with Johnny." There was a fond little smile on her face, but she still hadn't looked at you since she started talking.

"You took me back to the hideout and you treated me as if I had been there with you all along. You looked out for me and protected me and loved me. And you still do all those things. Now, I have you and I have Logan and you've both given me a home. A family. And then you were gone and we didn't know if we would ever find you again. I was so scared," she whispered, finally meeting your gaze. "I can't lose you too."

You knew then that you had been stupid to believe, even under Nathaniel's influence, that Laura would ever pick someone else over you. You felt a smile break out on your face before reaching out to pull her into a hug.

"You won't lose me," you promised, reaching up to flick her ear.

Laura huffed out an amused little laugh that sounded suspiciously close to a relieved sob.

You had never found it hard to be vulnerable around Logan, but you were half-terrified at the thought of trying to broach the subject of his wife. It was your deepest fear and Nathaniel had exploited it perfectly. You had nearly lost yourself just at the thought of losing Logan. What if there really was someone out there, even if it wasn't his wife, who would make him leave you?

You were lying in bed, tucked close in to his side. Your head was resting on his chest and you were trailing your fingers up and down his stomach, trying to work up the courage to ask what was on your mind. You had already told Logan what happened to you while Nathaniel held you captive, but he didn't know just how much it had affected you.

"When Wade told me he could get the TVA to fix my universe, I wanted nothing more than to return there and have them all back again," Logan's voice was a low rumble in his chest, nearly soothing despite the way anxiety shot through you at his words. "And then it turned out that there was no fixing it. I am who I am because of those mistakes and those losses. I wouldn't be here without them."

You pressed a kiss to his chest, letting him know you were listening, but not willing to contribute just yet. Logan had an uncanny ability to know exactly what was on your mind, so you didn’t question why he chose the topic.

Logan's hand came up to press between your shoulder blades. He swept his hand down to the small of your back, urging you to press closer to him.

"You're nothing like her, you know." Logan was quick to press a kiss to the crown of your head when he felt you tense up. "You like different movies and songs and books. You love the rain and she was scared of thunderstorms. She would have hated Wade, but you've practically adopted him. I told you in the Void that I knew you weren't her and I've known that every second since. I love you," he admitted, his voice soft and nearly pleading. "I love you knowing that you aren't her, because I don't want to dwell on the past anymore. There's no changing the past and there's no bringing her back, but even if it was possible, I would still want my future with you. I will always want you."

You had carefully kept your gaze directed at Logan's shirt, but you finally lifted your head to lock eyes with him.

"I want my future with you too," you told him, aware that you had to let him know you were on the same level. Logan was used to fighting for what was his, but you knew that letting anyone see this side of him was special. He trusted you and you knew without a doubt that he loved you. It would be hard to erase the damage Nathaniel had done, but you knew that Logan, Laura, and Wade would all gladly take on the task of helping you heal.

"I'm not going to lose you again," Logan swore, his hand dipping beneath the hem of your shirt to press to the skin at the base of your spine. "And you're not going to lose me. We'll fight for you every day if we have to."

Your throat felt tight and your eyes stung, but you managed to rise until you could kiss Logan. It was a promise from you to him that spoke of every ounce of the love you had for him.

"And I'll fight for you," you spoke into the kiss, feeling the way Logan smiled against your lips.

It was easy, then, to lose yourself to Logan. Every touch was a vow to continue forward together and every kiss was sealing the deal set forth between you. You were no longer alone and now you would never have to be.

You had a team. A family.

And most importantly, you had Logan.

Author's Notes: Is Sinister dead? Was it a clone? We may never know. There is a part 5 and part 6 being planned out! I'm going to grant a request that a lot of people had for this series regarding bringing back two certain characters, so I really want to deliver on that. I'm also going to bring in another villain and other characters. So, if you liked this or you're interested in more, please let me know! I literally wrote 15.6k in the past week just fueled by y'all's support and it really does help me so much. I can't thank y'all enough. I haven't been this inspired in a really long time. 💖 (also my coworker called me baby bird the other day and I had a moment of blind panic where I was worried she somehow found this fic, because she knows I've written reader fic before.)

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