#it sounded like more of an achievement in my head dang

[ghost-bxrd]

I just spent an hour at a Café drinking about five espressos and writing the Selkie au. It’s… going. Also my body is sending me mixed signals about the amount of caffeine intake in such a short period of time oops 🦭☕️

[callooopie]

Modern!Davos Blackwood headcannons (pt. 2)

— The hastily written during work break edition —

I get messages from the stars, when you’re making love to me — Messages From the Stars // The Rah Band

i go to college to get more knowledge but why does college interfere with my tumblr writing 😔 I’m not even at school yet and I’ve gotta start kicking into academic gear..

In light of some recent episode developments. I think I’ll rescind the headcannon that his name is Benjicot Davos. It’s just Davos now. (Lowkey… I thought HBO would just honestly write out the character of Benjicot… I was apparently wrong when they just mentioned him ig) anyways new headcannon Davos has a little brother, surprise. Ben’s gotta learn unhinged behavior from somewhere after all.. and what better way to start than with his “cool” older brother.

You know that text post that goes like “Have you ever argued with your girlfriend?” “Nope. She tells me to shut up and I do.” That was actually a text convo between Davos and his friend. He’s dumb, but not stupid. If you tell him to do something he’s doing it (as long as it’s legal… then again he’s really not the type to listen to the law)

He likes slow and domestic mornings. Getting up late, brushing your teeth together. He’ll flick water at you as you’re brushing your hair or doing your skincare routine with the most dopey and tired smile. He knows he’s won when you stop what you’re doing to stare at him with an unamused look. He washes his face like a lunatic though (both hands just furiously rubbing his face with little to no product). He’ll make the coffee and you turn on the tv. Pure silence except for the background noise of a news channel or show. Don’t even get him started on the part where you both fall back asleep on the couch as the sun rises and sunlight funnels in through the curtains. Pure bliss.

He LOVES girls night. How did he get an invite? He didn’t! But he’s quiet and normal, so he gets the girls night pass. It could be just you, or a few friends, even a group. But Davos will be there using the face masks, eating the finger food, drinking the fancy drinks. His girls night pass gets revoked though because he does not pay attention to the talk. He’s too busy devouring the charcuterie board to care about drama! …oh that’s the whole point of girls night? Oh… “Oh—and we like her right? …she’s problematic? …So we hate her? Oh… okay yeah she sounded weird—“

“Unique” pet names. There’s always the classics (love, darling, cutie, honey) but he’s got a few under his belt that turn heads, in a bad way maybe. He starts off pretty tame, he uses “my lady” a lot (chivalry-pilled). “Ma’am” too. “My lady” has a chance to devolve into “my liege” :/ Davos calls you pookie and you call him pookie back. You’re both pookie what can I say (sometimes uses the shortened ‘pooks’). Every single pet name he uses must have ‘my’ in front of it. “Do you want to get that pizza from that one place, my lady? Yeah? Okay—No I can pay don’t worry about it, my lovely.”

If you’re not a gamer, but you like to play in both casual and competitive games with him. The only reason you’re having a pretty good game in a competitive game is because Davos is fighting for his life to give you guys the W. Sometimes you’re a little lost, sometimes you clutch up. But usually it’s him, keyboard furiously clicking, eyes darting around his monitor. His face is literally in the monitor he’s so locked in. And you’re just in the call like (“Aw dang it I died.. woww you make it look so easy!”) “Me? No you’re doing work too—look at all those assists and kills you got. You’re pulling your weight too. You get ‘em low I clean up. It’s these other fuckers on our team that aren’t—“ (he went 30/14/5 and you went 10/21/16)

Regardless of your skills in video games, he gets so hype for you in them. Casual or competitive, he’s screaming about every single achievement you or you both make. A clutch round you win all by yourself? GG EZ TELL EM TO GO NEXT THEY DON’T WANT YOUR SMOKE. You build something in your shared Minecraft world? Stunning, beautiful. The architecture is to die for. The redstone? You did that all yourself? He would’ve thought you followed a tutorial it was so good!

Can eat, will eat. He’s a big strong boy, he’s gotta eat. Which means if you ask for Taco Bell or McDonald’s at 2 am? He’s gonna get some with you! You can honestly just text him an order and he’ll understand right away. This turns into you both driving around late at night, music blasting and you feeding him fries. Speaking of food; he’s a heavy believer in the ‘boyfriend tax’. He will steal a sip of your drink or a bite of your food, regardless of consequences.

I do believe Davos is sassy. It’s like dangerous levels of sass he gives you sometimes. It makes you do a double take. Side-eyes, eye rolls, scoffs, dramatic sighs. He is a drama queen.

How he deals with others who bother you in public can range between normal and not normal. Davos has a few options that run through his mind when you encounter a catcaller or unwanted advances. He can either tell the guy to fuck off, start a fight, start barking at him. He will bark, he has barked. It startled you more than the offending guy. But also Davos knows when to get serious, when to actually deal with someone who’s invading your space or not leaving you alone. He’s a tall dude, he works out. He can be pretty imposing. And he’s not afraid to be the first one to hit or push, especially if the offending man has gotten on his nerves too. And not just because they were trying to flirt or shoot a shot at you.

A big aquarium date guy. Or any date really. Actually, any way he can hang out or be near you is considered a date to him and something that makes his day much better. He likes spending time with you, and he likes showing you off to the public. He gets to walk next to you and say “that’s my date! They’re on a date with me!” It’s perhaps the best part of the whole day, being able to be seen right with you. Even if you’re just a passing couple, two people in the midst of a whole crowd, it’s still something to Davos. And that something tells everyone that you’re his.

[freakurodani]

Kageyama + Suga + Park + Yellow

"You remind me of my little brother sometimes, Kageyama."

"Huh?"

"Yup! He's still in middle school, but he's only a year younger than you. He's *also* a little prodigy." Sugawara's chuckle was warm. Kageyama was going to miss it. He couldn't *really* say that he made friends with all his teammates, but as a senpai, he secretly considered Sugawara his favorite.

"Though, my brother is into debate, rather than volleyball. Our parents are already planning his political future. They're aiming for Prime Minister, of course."

"... That doesn't sound like me at all?" The unsaid question was punctuated with the *bap* of the ball against his arms. His mouth and brows pinched, trying to piece together whatever puzzle Sugawara had presented him.

"Well, two are more different than similar. Like, I think I took all the tall genes before he could get them. He's still so small, it makes me feel really nice coming home to him after spending all day with you giants. I hope he never grows up, he's really cute!"

"Suga-san."

"Dang it, lost the lead again," Sugawara had the decency to at least sound apologetic, even if he was still smiling, after a year, Kageyama still hadn't figured out why Sugawara had so many different kinds of smiles. "You and my brother, you both work so hard, you know? And you inspire me to work hard, to be braver and fight for what I want."

Kageyama's cheeks felt warm. He decided to blame the setting sun, and not the praise. "Ah."

"I fully believe that the both of you can go anywhere you want in life." Sugawara caught the ball and turned his full attention to Kageyama. "I also want you both to remember me once your famous! When you get interviewed, remember to tell them Suga-senpai taught you all you know!"

Sugawara was winking at him. He was pretty sure he was being teased, but in the way meant to show affection rather than disdain. His mind couldn't help but compare the way Sugawara called him cute or made fun of him as a backwards way of praising him, to the way Oikawa would compliment him as a way of antagonizing him.

"You didn't though."

"Cheeky!!"

"Yeah," because he was. He was absolutely being cheeky. Somehow, Sugawara got him in a headlock and was giving him a noogie in retaliation. It wasn't painful, but he's *seen* bruises on Azumane's sides in the clubroom. He wasn't sure Sugawara knew how strong he was.

"Brat! You're such a brat! Just like my brother this way too!" But Sugawara didn't sound angry. It was nothing like the intense scolding he witnessed on the court. This was like when he'd complain to Daichi-san about being lumped with the trouble makers or calling Azumane a coward.

The assault didn't last long. They take a seat in the grass, by a tree. The shadows are growing longer. "You didn't teach me everything. But..." Sugawara's head is tilted toward him, attentive. "...You taught me a lot of very important things. How to communicate and pay attention to the spikers.H-how to earn their trust." Kageyama looked to the ball in his lap. "You didn't have to. We were competing for the same position. And... You made me better. Even though I'm the reason you didn't get to play a lot your third year. I'm sor-"

"Don't you dare apologize, Kageyama."

He felt himself stiffen. He was stuck in Sugawara's furious gaze. Eyes that usually felt so gentle burned him. He didn't shrink away, but he felt a little smaller.

"I got to play. Period. I got to see my team make the national stage, and maybe it wasn't exactly how I wanted it, but you guys... We were there. I've been asked why I stuck around, since I guess from an outside perspective, there was nothing in it for me. But let me assure you, Kageyama, I got *so much* out of this year. Indescribable as it is. So don't you apologize for that. Don't you apologize for your skill, for what you were able to help *our* team achieve. "

Kageyama exhaled. "You know, Sugawara-san... You remind me of someone too."

[megsiepoo]

Relics of the Old Faith spoilers! Read with caution!

I just finished completing the DLC and getting all the achievements and I have a lot of thoughts. I don't think I can really put them all out coherently (mostly cause I really need to go to bed lol) but just going to dump on here a bit.

I'll admit it took me way longer than it should have to find some of the relics. I got Clauneck's last and ended up having to look up how to because I thought it had something to do with a specific tarot card? Never would have guessed behind the lighthouse but only at night specifically.

I was literally screaming when Forneus got her kits back. Mama cat deserves all the love in the world and Aym and Baal were so dang cute and happy at having her back. The happy tears absolutely sent me.

I love Narinder. He's blorbo. But the dialogue about Aym and Baal? I want to put that man through a wall. How dare you, sir.

I absolutely love the follower bishop forms. I would die for all of them but especially Leshy and Kallamar. They're both so freaking adorable and I love that Kallamar is still a pompous little shit even after having his ass beat twice.

I'm a little bummed there wasn't a little more extra dialogue from the bishops? I don't know, I just would've liked a little more after they were converted.

I don't know if it was just my save, but Narinder's special dialogue didn't come in until after I'd already converted the bishops which made it sound kind of weird and not as impactful as it did originally. Like, he's sending me on all these quests and talking about his siblings in the past tense like they're still dead and I'm just like, my dude, my brother in christ, my scrunkly man, THEY ARE RIGHT THERE.

Anyway, just some thoughts and observations. Would love to hear other people's reactions, head canons, and so on.

[evelynndecipio-blog]

Evelynn,

The Eat-More thingies rocked! My mom ate so many of them that I could only eat like 2. Scout (that's my baby brother he's not even 2 yet) tried to eat one but I think it might have hurt his teeth two much. I don't really know. But they were really really good. And vegan, too, which is great! The wizarding world sucks at being vegan friendly. Their like, diskriminating against us or something it sucks.

Janus is so dope, man. He's actually polite?? And he's very pretty too. Do owls even like being called pretty? Whatever, he's a very pretty owl- Evers is HUGE. I don't know why my mom needs an owl this big, but the big guy coughs up the nastiest vomit-clumpy-thingies I've ever seen. And he definitely will fight back... Dang, man. Now I'm kind of scared for Janus. If Evers keeps acting up just let me know and I'll tell my mom to tell him to stop. Lord knows he doesn't listen to me.

Amadea invited me to tent with her but she forgot to tell me who else we were gonna be tenting with... which really isn't her fault I guess but a little heads up could've been nice right? Safe to say there were a couple of unexpected surprises that came with that but nothing I couldn't handle! We got to choose who we were tenting with, and I guess the whole Ravenclaw team choosed to tent together. I'm not sure if Gryffindor or Slytherin tented together but I know Hufflepuff definitely did. Makes sense right since it's their big game?

And thank you! I think I would be a frightening beater too. I've been working out more because I felt like I was getting really out of shape you know, because I used to be like SUPER strong. And maybe you started out in the wrong position but I think Seeker fits you really well, so I'm glad that you stuck through it! I'll have to keep a special eye out for you on the field then, even if I don't end up on the team. But if I do, and I somehow do get beater (even though Hufflepuff's beaters are FREAKING AMAZING), I'm definitely going to have to take you up on that morning flying offer. My hand eye coordination may be unbeatable but my flying is a little rusty.

And yeah, you're right- sort of? I grew up in America with my dad who's a No-Maj and then moved to London right before I had to go to Hogwarts. And that electricity stuff kinda sucks I guess but it makes sense at the same time. Maybe that's why No-Majs have never actually had any good proof about her before. (Yes I know what a GIF is, but is it a hard g or a j? It's a hard G. There's no other right answer) Maybe we should talk to someone with a camera... I think that Sarah girl has one? God, what's her name? She's a Slytherin. Her last name's like Marshall or something? Maybe she can get us some good shots in general to put in the newspaper.

Also, you ride? That's super cool! Must be why you're so good at Quidditch then. You'll have to show me a video one day.

Interesting thing about your future though. I don't think I have, although my mom tried to make me get it read once. But your future... that sounds scary, right? But don't they always say that stupid thing about how you can be brave if you're not scared? Or maybe it's not actually that stupid. Either way, even if the lady's words do come true, I think you're very brave and that you'll be able to achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve, or what you need to achieve.

I don't actually take Divination, my electives are CoMC and Muggle Studies... I'm bad enough at Astrology AND Astronomy as it is, I don't need more pressure from the stars in Divination, you know? But I think if a proper wizard does it, if a proper magical person takes a look at your future... well, maybe there's something to it. Didn't crystal balls play a big part in the Harry Potter debacle in the 90's? Or maybe I'm making that up, I don't know. I'm not very good with history either.

Well, break's almost over, and I've done almost no homework. Mom's taking me to Diagon Alley on the 25th for all that back to school nonsense, maybe I'll see you there. Unless you already did all your shopping which is probably smart. But anyways I guess I'll see you at Hogwarts! Mom's promised to send fewer letters (she used to send them daily, it was insane) so I'll probably use Leo (that's my cat) to send you stuff. He's not the most reliable messenger but I think short distances is okay.

XO's Ami

(( In a different hand: ))

August 21, 2020

[handelplayssims]

Back at the Stuart-Waddell household! Today is a day for all the kids to head off to school. So I’m just going to let them vibe for the hour until school. Roxana is feeling sad thanks to her hurt sentiment about losing her relationship with Selena and Omar is perfectly fine. ...though I don’t like either of the whims he has. It’s getting a promotion for a career he can’t advance expect in job stages and trying for a baby with his infertile wife. New whims are to complete and aspiration goal, also not really achievable, and to travel to the park. Doable! Though it has been a bit since Roxana did some freelance work, I don’t really feel the pressure to do so. Also I am having Roxana linger by herself for a bit, since she has a whim to become playful and I finally have the timers low on her romantic moodlets for being around Omar to do so. Annnd now she’s sad again. Dang it. Welp, let’s just go to to the park after a cry. Maybe that’ll help.

To the park! And I had Roxana bring along a good friend of hers, Miko Ojo. For she needs to drink and it’ll be muuuuuch easier to hopefully drink from someone who’s a better friend of hers. And she’s playful now! Yaaaay! And offer accepted and the plasma was nice and tasty as well. Good good! And one for the “drinking from the youth” counter as well. And we found out her traits. Good, Neat and a Geek! Things they have in common! Let’s have the two chat some more. Omar is also thirsty at the moment so let’s find someone to drain their blood dry! Mele Kahananui! You strayed our path at the wrong time!

Ooo, this sounds DEVIOUS. This would completely wipe all relationships this Sim has with others. Aliens also have a similar power to be wielded. I’m still going to ask for permission first. Public feeding here! No other Sim will mind because it’s consensual! Now let’s see, both have the whim to play chess so why not enjoy a game together? Hey, hey! Roxana actually won! Here I thought Omar would but I guess Roxana’s 8 skill at chess works well for her as well. Let’s see. Roxana’s next whim is to prank. Easily done. Hey Miko! You’re aboslutely the best. Totally. Nothing will go wrong with me hyping you up! Now both Omar and Roxana want to get snacks, and the kids are at home anyway, so lets head back home.

Needs management for kids time! And now I can spend time with them...expect Selena is sleepy. Dang it. Let’s quickly befriend another kid for her first. ...naturally, it’s going to be one of the scouts walking along the sidewalk, doing their scout thing. Taku Akiyama. Wait! I see Zayne. Let’s go with one of our neighborhood kids instead.

Let’s see. I keep trying to clear off the snacks whim from Roxana but it isn’t working. Alas. Well, let’s work on her aspiration instead. Still need to make five vampires, after all! Ah, let’s invite Chaim Hamphill over. He’s been around as a townie for ages and I remember him because he had the same job as my starting Sim and she hated his guts. Alas, Neighborhood Stories got to Minako. Annnd Selena befriended Zayne and is now the most social kid. Like all of the other social kids around. ...man I could use Growing Together’s extra child aspirations.

Onto Chaim Hemphill and turning into a vampire. Oh dear. One of his traits is Loving the Outdoors. This’ll be painful for him as he becomes a creature of the night! Now to befriend him real quick so I can bring him into this household. ...I could do that before but I guess becoming a vampire was a lowering of stats. Befriending done! Chaim Hemphill is now a part of the household!

Next things next, I want to spend some time with Harrison. And he wants to meet someone new! To the park! Where the teens do their late-night hangouts! ...thanks for walking to the mirror and researching debate to remind me that I need to do my usual university preperations by getting research and debate up to 3. I don’t do that for all teen sims but Harrison would. Seems no one is hanging around here this late so let’s head over to a library to do that. And there we go! Also it seems like the scientists and conspiracy theorists that like lingering around Strangerville’s library pop up even at these times so that’s convenient for someone just wanting to say hello to someone. Next whims are...to befriend Duane (already did) and to check in on Nadine. ...let’s have an early morning hello to Duane! Now after some chatter, we are good friends! Nicely done.

This is the second time a fire broke out at this household! Wonder if Makoa has a fear of fire at this point. Which paradoxically, causes more fires to break out while cooking! Not that the boys care! They’re off in the water, playing! Anyway, hour until school so let’s hang out until the time comes when both have to leave the lot. And with that, it’s time for-

Neighborhood Watch!

Lanz Machina in the Keves Team household left his job as a Detective in the Detective career.

Nice. Good. He learned and quiet. He is a good cop, which is one that quits.

[that-1-masked-wierdo]

Camilo's punishment

Camilo x reader

Gender neutral!reader

Note : fluff , , chaotic reader

Modern au

(I'm trying to explain the outfit please don't sue me)

A/n: please be notified this is my first fanfiction and my writing skills aren't as good as your tipical writer so I'm sorry of grammar mistakes and slight character miss accuracy, this idea sounded better in my head

"No please have MERCY ! AGh--"

Delores heard Camilos voice while sitting at the kitchen table staring at the bread concerned . She has been hearing whining from the upstairs for a while now.

You and Camilo have been going out with each other for quite some time now . You met his parents and the family knows you. The biggest surprise of your relationship that you are the more chaotic. You were always moving when your bursts of energy came ,tho you loved sleeping and cuddling more than anything. It was a confusing dynamic but theirs family liked that you made Camilo a lot more careful than before

Today you seemed mad . Kicking Camilos door with a mysterious bag through your shoulder , while Camilo screamed when he saw you , sure was an weird thing for the Madrigals to witness. You closed the door behind you , with only Delores hearing what's happening.

"Ah.. M-mi Amor , please let me explain" Camilo wimpered while moving back to his bed genuinely scared

" YOU promised and yet you didn't came yesterday . It was SATURDAY and on that day you don't usually have PLANS" you sounded pissed.

" you know what happens now.. you shall be punished " you said opening the bag

" no, pleas NO-- AgH " Camilo begged before being tackled on the ground

" Ow! Please be more gentle - Ah! Let's talk I beg y-you mi Amor ..." Delores heard more groaning from Camilo . It has been 2 hours of pure screaming and moaning from Camilo.

"N-No NO Don't please do--" his voice cut off. Delores has had enough of this. She rushed up he stairs quickly and BURST though the door .

" WHAT ON THE CASITA ARE YO- " What Delores saw stopped her shouting.

It was you with Camilo head between your legs trapped. On the floor their where 4 broken hair combs and a box of pink rubber bands and ribbons. Camilo was in a pastel pink maid dress.The dress seemed very puffy , had a medium length skirt and a small fake white cat tail, cute for cosplays and other thing. It surprisingly looked good on them. You where trying to brush his head and give him ponytails like on the video on your phone but his hair was too fluffy to achieve the same results.

As they noticed theirs sister , Camilos face became as red as a tomato. Delores took a picture and left laughing .

"Ookaay i think we just need some final touches " you said after applying eyeliner . You took out a red lipstick. To Camilos shock you putted in on your lips and then ... SMOOCH ! You kissed them on the mouth for a few seconds. You took of your lips from his. " Gosh dang it! Its not straight! " You said as you started applying lipstick in the corner on his lips where your kiss didn't reach . The poor lad was sitting there paralyzed with his cheeks painting with a vibrant blush .

To this day Camilo never gave you that dress back. Who knows,maybe he secretly liked it .

(if anyone was wondering this is how the dress looked like in my head, picture from pinterest)

[lightrises]

"Only in allowing her to pass..." — Hornet, The Radiance, and the means by which Hallownest turned its victims against each other

A quick note: I read Hollow Knight as an anti-colonialist text. As such I'll be touching on topics related to colonialism as it's depicted in the world of the game, and said analysis will reflect both a sympathetic take on The Radiance and a critique of The Pale King that won't pull its punches. If this sounds up your alley, hello and thank you for the read! Let us be sad about these bugs together.

———

So!! A while back I realized something about pre-canon that felt rather... "curious" is one way to put it, I think. To wit: for all the effort and scheming and determination The Pale King poured into trying to get rid of The Radiance, neither of his plans involved directly killing her.

Was that his long game? Well, sure, that seems clear enough. His tack changed from luring the moths away from their god and creator to a more literal form of incarceration once the infection became a factor, but at its core the end goal never really changed—The Pale King very sincerely wished to destroy Radiance via obsolescence. The Seer lends us foreshadowing to confirm as much:

[Image descriptions: Two screenshots from Hollow Knight, showing the Seer and Ghost in the Seer's alcove at the Resting Grounds. Across both screenshots, the Seer tells Ghost the following: "None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters." End description.]

(Which, by the way and given the context, talk about an extremely unsubtle allusion to cultural genocide huh!!! Whew.)

In any case, we're left with a whole bunch of machinations which build up to... well, two very roundabout attempts at committing deicide. That's kind of weird, all things considered! Why not just do the deed in one fell swoop and get it over with?

This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe the king was devoid of the means to instantly kill another higher being. Maybe his personal sense of scruples stopped him short of signing off on MURDER murder (although, y'know, the aforementioned genocide + eternal imprisonment = still cool and copasectic apparently!). Maybe the long drawn-out cruelty was the point. Maybe the idea of playing fuckign 4D chess with the circumstances was too delicious for him to pass up—that man did love to tinker and stick his claws where they sure as hell didn't belong—or maybe it was a little bit of All The Things. Who knows!!

But interrogating The Pale King's methodology on this count isn't what I'm here for, at least not really. The main reason I raise this question at all is that in her own way, Hornet did too.

"I'd urge you to take that harder path... "

See, going by The Pale King's actions and what The White Lady explicitly says, they both foresaw two outcomes wrt the infection: it can be allowed to spread, or it can be contained. At Teacher's Archives, Quirrel acknowledges the fact that Ghost is expected to do... something about this, but he doesn't elaborate on what HE thinks that's supposed to be apart from the obvious "Gotta bust into Black Egg Temple first". Hornet is the one person who presents to us—to Ghost—what's framed as a third option: confront and destroy the infection at its source.

And she doesn't bring it up like it's just another tactic for Ghost to consider, prim and indifferent to what they would do. She nudges them towards it, actively, up to the point where she throws herself into the fray against Hollow at a juncture that's uniquely dangerous to her and her alone just to make that option feasible.

Even when she's couching it in disclaimers that this is still Ghost's decision to make (and let's be fair, she's extremely not wrong about that lol), no one can pretend Hornet is unbiased. It's obvious in that buttoned-down Hornet kind of way that she is way the hell done with the increasingly tenuous stalemate that's kept Hallownest's desiccated corpse from collapsing in on itself. Personally it's hard for me not to read some Toriel Undertale-esque "My father was too entrenched in his own foolishness to pursue any course of action that would have DEFINITIVELY ended this" shade into her stance here, regardless of whether that's strictly true in canon.

And that bit—Hornet's hopes for an end to Hallownest's stasis, moreover her grim calculation of what needs to be done to get there—that's the bit I find super interesting but likewise tragic and depressing as shit, on multiple levels. In no small part because a) canon itself gestures towards Hornet feeling conflicted about the very plan she's pushing, and moreover b) she has at least two (2) damn good reasons to feel that way.

So, what do I mean by that? Let's look here first:

[Image description: A screenshot from Hollow Knight, of Hornet and Ghost inside the Temple of the Black Egg, standing in front of the unsealed egg itself. Hornet has been struck by the Dream Nail and her dialogue is displayed as follows: "... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?" End description.]

As the curtain is about to drop on things one way or another, Hornet thinks,

... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?

Now, looking at that last bit it's easy to go "Oh no, Hornet's worried that Ghost won't survive killing The Radiance!" And I do think that's part of it: Hornet is, categorically, not her father. By endgame it's clear she's not content to view her Void-borne siblings as tools to be used then disposed of. She's also well aware that as a healthy autonomous Vessel amongst the countless dead, Ghost is the only person left alive who has a fighting chance against The Radiance. Knowing someone is the only qualified candidate for the job doesn't make encouraging them to embrace a probable death sentence any less of a bitter pill to swallow, though. And odds are on that this sentiment extends to Hollow too, who IS going to die no matter what happens here. To put it bluntly, it's more than reasonable to conclude that Hornet hates the absolute fuck out of this.

But I don't think that's all there is to it either. Remember what I said earlier about The Pale King's bids for genocide? Well, it's not like the man deigned to limit his efforts to just the moth tribe.

"We do not choose our mothers... "

On top of everything else—an infected Hallownest being all she's ever known, the fact that she only exists because of the infection, the list goes on—Hornet has spent her life wedged into a position that's been uncomfortable and terminally unglamorous at best: she is both a daughter of her father's kingdom and of Deepnest.

Deepnest, which like the moths and many others was here long before the wyrm and his lady wife swanned onto the scene and the God Become Bug laid claim to everything the Light touched plus a considerable amount of change. THAT Deepnest, which has fought claw and thread to retain its sovereignty against same-said settler king, and for which Herrah not only surrendered her life but also agreed to bed her worst enemy, all in hopes of securing a viable future for her people (put a pin in that last part by the way, I'll come back to it soon).

Two Worlds, One Family (Ft. An Indigenous Woman Trying Her Damndest To Work With What She's Got Versus An Imperialist Who Only Signed Up For This Because He Needed The Political Favor THAT Badly, So It's The Height Of Dysfunctional Actually). Fun times!!!!

The baggage this entails for Hornet is gnarly enough without implications made by The White Lady and the pre-canon timeline of events and even Team Cherry's dev notes that the king may well have looked at baby Hornet, gone "YOINK", then ensured she spent the lion's share of her childhood reared within the pearly auspices of his Pale Court*. That would be rather advantageous for Him Specifically after all, the potential to mold a born foe into a future ally and even have her trained in combat under the same tutelage as her doomed sibling. And far be it from him to stop a grown Hornet—his own flesh and blood too!—from making Deepnest her forever home if she so pleased. He totally wouldn't be reneging on his "fair bargain made" by doing this one simple thing until Hornet came of age, not t e c h nic c a l l y.

If that is indeed the case, there's a non-zero chance Hornet's formative years were a hot mess of cultural alienation and being a good deal more privy than most to just how much of a bastard her father could be. There's an equally non-zero chance that at some point she stood or sat within earshot as The Pale King finally, finally dropped all pretense and euphemism to name the Light for precisely what (for who) it was.

See, in conjunction with the question that started this whole dang train of thought I've been asking this one too: Does Hornet know? When she speaks of confronting "the heart of [the] infection" does she know she's talking about not just a literal person but someone very specific? The Radiance, who god though she may be shares skin in the game alongside Hornet as a native woman screwed over by the same settler king, likewise deprived of her kin and saddled with a life gone horrendously pear-shaped?

I'll assume for the sake of exploring the possibility and because I think it's a likely one anyway that yes, Hornet does know. She knows, and despite everything can't help empathizing. She might even look at Radiance and see bits and pieces both reflected and slightly inversed in her own mother: Radiance was forced to the sidelines while her people—her children, the brood she was meant to lead and care for—died out under The Pale King's rule, and it's no stretch to assume she's at least as upset about that as she has been about everything else; Herrah too took drastic measures for her people's sake, trying to head off annihilation by relegating herself to the sidelines in an act that was as much calculated risk as an attempt to find wiggle room and leverage in the face of a nasty proposition.

A calculated risk that, if things continue as they are, might well amount to nothing as the rest of Deepnest gets eaten alive by the infection. It survived The Pale King's advances for so so long, only to fall here. Herrah's sacrifice would be for naught; the other tribes—themselves the king's victims—would keep succumbing to the infection too.

And this is where things fall apart.

"... or the circumstance into which we are born."

Let's be clear: I think Hornet is wise enough to know what's what here, that all the carnage and suffering falls on her father's head for starting this slow-motion trainwreck in the first place. Hallownest wasn't always Hallownest. This domain was Radiance's home first, along with many others. It was the worm-turned-king who rolled up on the scene unsolicited and decided this was a ""'problem""" that had to be """solved""".

But the fact of the matter is that he's gone and The Radiance is here, raging, seemingly inconsolable. Above and beyond being Deepnest's rightful heir, Hornet isn't in a position to countenance more splash damage even if the grief and fury fueling it makes perfect sense. She can understand without ever bringing herself to love Radiance, and she can bend her knee to practicality even if she hates the everloving shit out of it because the fact that it "has" to end this way isn't fair.

This lends itself to one last awful conclusion: that Hornet has probably considered and (rightly or wrongly) discarded the possibility that Radiance can be saved, at least not without dragging more collateral along for the ride. If even her mother and every other enemy to the king seemed to dismiss talking Radiance down as an option way back when... well. Why should Hornet hope for any better after things have escalated so far?

Again, it's practical. A practical net good is what Hornet strives for. And again, it fucking sucks.

For extra tragedy points, this makes Hornet's extended crypticness around Ghost followed by her last minute casting about for a reason to tell them "Wait, don't; not just yet" that she never voices even more of a gut punch. She can't bring herself to burden Ghost with the context that haunts her so, least of all when it might weaken their resolve to go through with what (she thinks) needs doing.

It's the "same song, different verse" which led to the mantis tribe and Deepnest being pitted against each other: Hallownest rigged the game so that two women who could have been powerful allies—who have a mutual vested interest in driving out settler rule—wound up poised as enemies instead. And how awful is that? The king for all his being extremely fucking dead still gets the last laugh, because outside of a miracle the game never manifests Hornet can salvage what her mother started and look forward to a future where Deepnest pulls itself back from the brink if and only if The Radiance dies.

Resolution comes at the price of a completed genocide. Add two more dead siblings to the unconscionable pile thereof, while we're at it. That's what it boils down to whether or not Hornet can bear to articulate it as such, and there's no grace or even a properly bittersweet ending to wring from this clusterfuck. And that is rough.

———

* This has been better explained elsewhere, but a quick rundown: The White Lady tells Ghost that Hornet and Herrah "were permitted little time together." On its surface this can be taken to mean that Hornet was still very young when Herrah was shipped off to Eternal Dreamland—except this doesn't jive with the fact that we meet Hornet as an adult. If the stasis kicked in once the Dreamers went to their rest, which in turn halted the aging process for every living bug in Hallownest, AND before all this Hornet experienced little by the way of quality time with her birth mother... I think you can see where I'm going with this.

To top it off we've got Team Cherry weighing in ominously from their dev notes on Herrah: "As part of the agreement for her alliance and her role as a dreamer, King gave her a child (Hornet). Was she allowed to keep this child or was she taken away?" This isn't confirmation by itself of course, but given additional canon details (see above): Can I get a "yikes" in the chat fellas.

[hobicomeholla29]

Soulmate- Drabble - PCY

Pairing: Vampire! Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Soulmate AU! /Fluff /Crack

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: None

Rating: PG13

A/N: Well look who has returned from her semi-hiatus! xD This is a small drabble I had saved in my WIPS and decided to give it a little life. Unedited, please bear with me. This is my attempt to get back into writing, hopefully, it works lol.

Summary: Sleep doesn’t want to come to you tonight, but a phone call with your favorite person might do the trick.

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You tossed and turned in your bed, not sure why you couldn't bring yourself to sleep. It was way past the appropriate bedtime for someone who wanted to be a responsible adult on the following day.

It didn't help that tonight, it seemed to be one of those cold nights, where no amount of clothes and blanket layering made you feel warm enough.

You considered abandoning the little warmth you had finally achieved after hours, thinking you could maybe get Sehun to entertain you until you felt sleepy since he loved being active so late at night. But you remembered -One- that he lived a mile and a half away and -Two- he would probably send you right back home and to sleep, so you opted to stay put.

Running out of ideas on how to get yourself to finally sleep, you stared into the darkness of your room, ready to accept that you would walk into your office with bloodshot eyes the following day. That was until a buzzing sound coming from your nightstand startled you.

Rolling around in your bed to get in a more comfortable position, you answered your phone without checking who it was. "It's 2 in the morning, why are you still up?" you croaked.

There was no need to check the caller ID, only one person would call you this late at night and that could mean a couple of things, but mainly either his thoughts were running rampant again or he was hungry.

"I can't stop thinking about you, but also I don't require sleep," he answered, voice matching the grogginess in yours due to not speaking for hours.

The way he decided to answer your question had you chuckling involuntarily.

How can he confidently say stuff like this, when it's so difficult for you to even show him proper affection yet.

"Well, you better stop and try to at least get some shut-eye, I'm sure everyone expects you to be at your best tomorrow, no bags under your eyes."

You were pretty sure you heard Junmyeon say something about a show tomorrow and that he needed Chan to be well-rested for it.

"Tell your mini-you to stop running tracks in my head then." he requested, laughing a little. Funny how, even though you could only hear him, you could easily picture his sharp canines peeking out from the corners of his top lip.

Shuffling could be heard on his end of the line and you assumed he was more than likely also laying in his bed.

"Mini-me, get out of my Chan's head now! He needs to rest; tomorrow is a busy day for him, and you aren't helping." You barely noticed your slip of the tongue by calling him yours, yet you didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.

"That's all I get? Wow and here I was expecting a title or something a little more...endearing. Dang." He mused.

You knew what he wanted to hear, you just liked playing dumb once in a while.

You and Chan had known each other for a while now, however, just recently did your relationship turn into a romantic one, as it wasn't always so.

"Oh~ you mean something like my SUPER BEST FRIEND Chanyeol?" You teased; knowing perfectly well you were more than that.

"We're not JUST friends and you know it. Plus I don't think Sehun would want me to compete for that place in your life." he answered so quickly, you were sure you even heard a slight snarl escape with the sentence. He knew you were teasing him, but you were sure he was pinching the bridge of his nose to not let it get to him.

"I know nothing Park Chanyeol" you smiled to yourself.

There were a couple seconds of silence before he sighed deeply and took another approach.

"So, tell me, baby, what does an undead man have to do, so his ex-prey/ex-friend understands that she is no longer either of those and has escalated to soulmate?"

"If people knew that, they would probably come to the conclusion that I developed Stockholm syndrome."

It was an old inside joke, you both knew that. However, it wasn't too far away from the truth.

Chanyeol was a vampire, and you were once his prey, simple as that. Yet if anyone knew how your relationship with Chanyeol began, they would think you were either masochistic or probably crazy.

"We've had this conversation and we aren't going back to it." He defended jokingly.

"I've said nothing that's untrue, but, back to your original question on how to make me understand that we are now 'soulmates' or whatever that means..."

He scoffed at that, knowing well that you were more than likely making air quotes for the word soulmate, because you really didn't believe in that crap, yet study sessions with Sehun said otherwise.

"Hush! You may prove yourself to be my soulmate by feeding me with a delicious food bouquet."

He laughed a little too loud at that one, leave it to you to make a dent in Chanyeol's bank account by getting him to buy you food.

"First of all, did you just hush me?" he seemed much more awake the longer you bantered, however, the whole thing was lulling you to sleep.

"Yes, so…?”

You heard a deep sigh and slight grumbling coming from him, probably complaining about how you think about food 24/7 but not about him, when he was suddenly back on the phone.

"Anyways, Buffalo or BBQ?"

"Half-and-a-half please and thank you."

"Your wings bouquet will be at your office tomorrow at 12."

"Thank you~" You could feel yourself fully relaxing and losing consciousness, sleep now finally reaching you and you hated to admit that maybe it did have something to do with the soulmate thing.

Both lines remained silent for a couple more minutes, none of you ready to hang up on the other until you finally decided to speak.

"I love you... soulmate" your own heart skipped a beat after the word left your lips, something you won't admit to Chanyeol ever, yet somehow, you felt like he already knew about it.

"I love you more baby. I think I can go to sleep now."

"Mm-hmm, me too." You answered half yawning.

You have no idea who ended the call, but you did recall hearing his deep chuckle before slumber took over you and you just had to accept that his laugh was one of your favorite sounds in the world.

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I hope you guys enjoyed the little drabble.

[sariahsue]

Of Secrets and Snowflakes

What am I doing? What am I doing? What on earth am I doing? The obvious answer—stalking a celebrity in broad daylight—didn't seem to cover the magnitude of her stupidity. Ladybug knew she shouldn't be out here, in the cold, sitting in a barren, snow-glazed tree, staring at her breath and Adrien's front door. She was sure to be caught, and the worst of it was that she couldn't even see his window from here. All of the dangers, with none of the benefits.

It had been twenty-four hours since Chat Noir's accidental identity reveal and Ladybug just wanted to 'check on' her partner. Not talk to him exactly, but just see him. Make sure he was okay. Without him seeing her. But she couldn't really do that from here, so she'd have to loop around to his window.

Not giving herself the chance to change her mind, she unhooked her yoyo and jumped. Each swing closer gave her another ten reasons to turn back. It was too soon. Neither of them were ready. She shouldn't be putting him in danger like this.

But Ladybug was suddenly on his fence, balancing dangerously between making one last leap to his window ledge and retreating. The quiet of his yard made her stop. A breeze skimmed the tops off of snow drifts. Sunlight reflected off the icicles hanging from the roof.

She really should check on him. It hadn't been right to dump him and run like she had yesterday.

She took a breath. It was probably best to leave. Neither of them would be able to act professionally now that his identity was out in the open. If they didn't put up boundaries now, they wouldn't be able to protect Paris. And if they couldn't protect Paris, then Hawk Moth would win. But boundaries could easily become walls, and then they'd drift farther and farther apart and then—

Ladybug heard the wet smack before she felt the cold of the snowball exploding across her cheek.

"HEADSHOT! WOO!" Adrien jumped out from behind a very tall, thin snowman as chunks of snow dripped off Ladybug's cheek.

"Go on, tell me how impressed you are with that throw," he said, pulling off his woolen beanie and flourishing it as he bowed in her direction. "And I'm not even in my suit right now!"

"Shh!" Ladybug hissed, snapping her head around to make sure no one was close enough to listen.

"Who's going to hear me?" Adrien asked, putting his hat back on. The bright red pom pom flopped into his face. "My father?" He waved a mittened glove (again black and red, she was sensing a theme) at the snowman. With its pointed hair and narrow frame, it looked suspiciously familiar. Adrien ducked behind the snowman, raising one of its tree branch arms in a wave.

The snowman was much more a pile of snow if anything, shaped tall and thin into a pointed tip that resembled the twirl of an ice cream cone. It was all angles, even its thin tree branch arms stood from its frigid form and perched above its long carrot nose were a pair of oddly familiar thick-rimmed glasses. Ladybug bit down on her lip to stifle her laughter as she easily recognized the ill-fashioned, candy-cane-striped ascot tied around its neck.

"Bonjour, mademoiselle," he spoke with an exaggerated deep voice. "'Tis I! Gabriel Snowgreste!"

"Did you steal those glasses it's wearing?" she asked, barely managing to hold back her giggles.

"They're a spare pair," Adrien said. "He won't even notice. I want to show you something." He held up a hand to her, ready to help her down, if she chose.

Ladybug chewed her lip as she hesitated. This was dangerous. The lines between them were already starting to fuzz and disappear, and if she couldn't maintain distance—no, she could. This wasn't any different than the other rare occasions she'd been to his house.

Ignoring his hand, Ladybug jumped down to land beside him. Snow crunched under her feet. "I can't stay for long," she said, looking from her hands, to the icicles hanging from his roof, and then to his lips—ahem, back to her feet. "I'm on patrol and I don't have much time to chat up random civilians."

"Aha, 'patrol.' Gotcha," Adrien said. He took a step closer, and she started to wonder if the pink on his cheeks was only from the frigid air. "Well, thank you, M'Ladybug, for stopping by to see me, someone you've never met before, when you were obviously so busy. Tell me, what's your favorite part of being a superhero? The powers? The fans? Or is it the amazing company you keep?"

She couldn't help a small giggle. Adrien, your Chat is showing. She wasn't fast enough to convincingly cover it with a cough and saw his eyes sparkle and the color on his cheeks deepen, and realized she'd made a mistake already. Professional. Distant.

Dang it.

"Since you're here, want to stay and see what I made?" He took her silence for assent and reached for her hand, leading her across the yard.

Brisk air blew at her back, creeping across the exposed skin of her neck and ears, but Ladybug's brain was overheating. Stay here? With Adrien? Forever? Her steps were halting and uneven. When he turned to see what the matter was, he dropped her wrist immediately.

"Sorry!" he said, putting up his hands. "I didn't mean—I shouldn't have grabbed—s-sorry, I mean, we can hang out if you want? I've got hot chocolate inside. We could talk about—"

Wind whistled through the empty branches above them, carrying snowflakes and another dozen reasons to say yes, that sounded wonderful. Adrien—her partner—was warm and inviting.

"O-or," he continued, looking around the yard for inspiration. "We could watch something? Or I could read something to you? Not that I think you can't read, but …" His voice stuttered and died away under her continued silence. "Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed."

It had only been a day, and their sync, their perfect harmony was already ruined, she could tell. How many times had Chat Noir simply looked at her and known what she was thinking? And now he was reading her all wrong.

"I really shouldn't be here," she said. "It's not safe."

"No one's going to see us," Adrien promised, a little desperately. "And we're friends, aren't we? We can hang out, right?"

"Well …" Another gust of wind, and movement caught her eye: the stick arms of Gabriel Snowgreste. Adrien had been out here all alone, ignored by everyone he cared about, and she couldn't have that. Ladybug was a woman of many plans, so from the ashes of 'pretend she had never met Adrien' another one was quickly born. It was called 'pretend everything was under control.' For his sake, and for the sake of the team, she'd set her emotions aside.

"Of course we're friends," she said, before firmly reminding herself, and nothing more. "Lead the way."

In three short skips, Adrien led her around the corner of the mansion, straight toward a mound of snow that went up to his shoulders. "Tada!"

"Oh," Ladybug said. She took in the patches of dead grass peeking out around the edges of the mound, and the shovel leaning against the side. What was it? He'd obviously worked hard, and she didn't want to say the wrong thing. "L-looks impressive?" She swallowed hard, trying to force her stutter down.

"You're admiring the wrong side, LB." He crouched and twisted out of sight. On the correct side of the small dome was a stubby tunnel opening, with a hole just wide enough to crawl through. An igloo. How had he found enough time to build an entire igloo? Shaking her head, she followed him inside.

The interior was small. Even with her height disadvantage, she wouldn't have been able to lie down without her feet sticking out the door, but that only added to the igloo's coziness factor and—she swallowed hard—sense of intimacy. Dim sunlight filtered through the thinner areas of the dome, creating a soft glow. And Adrien smiled sweetly at her as she sat down. She needed to make this quick.

"Thank you," he said, scooting closer to her.

"F-f-for?" There was no reason to stutter. There was no reason to shiver in anticipation as he lined his body up next to hers.

"Coming to see me. It's not a patrol day, so—" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I miss you when I don't get to see you."

It was an odd time to realize that igloos had no windows. No one could see them, no one would witness whatever happened next. And she really needed some air, because Adrien was right there, his face illuminating the small space. How many times had Chat Noir—Adrien—told her that he loved her? The heat on her face was going to melt the igloo he worked so hard on.

"Glad I could make you beel fetter—I mean f-feel better!" Ladybug scrambled for the tunnel entrance and for safety. The biting chill brought her clarity. She'd thought she needed more time to adjust to her two favorite boys being one person, but that wasn't the real reason she was running away. She couldn't be trusted around him. Distance and control and careful plans were no match for Adrien Agreste.

"I bet you'd make a good snow angel." Adrien lay in the igloo's entrance, face in his hands and staring at her, freezing her on the spot. "Because you're so angelic."

Ladybug kind of, sort of, maybe, gaped at him for several seconds before hitching her heart back into place and closing her mouth.

"Sorry, was that too much?" he asked.

She managed to squeak out a small, "No!" before she dropped to her knees and kissed his forehead, letting her mouth rest against his skin just a fraction of a second longer than she thought she should. "Maybe next time, Chaton."

And then she bolted.

Ignoring the voice that said to stay, to see where this path led, Ladybug finally achieved her distance. She didn't turn around until her feet landed on the hard sidewalk, and they were separated by the mansion's iron fence. Adrien was still visible through the bars, crouching behind the igloo to watch what she should do, expression obscured by his creation.

Even when she was trying to protect him, she hurt him.

He wasn't just Chat Noir anymore. And not just Adrien. He was her … he was so many things to her that she wasn't even sure what to call him. He was her partner. Her best friend. The person she always wanted to run to …

And was now running away from to protect.

***

That night, darkness fell on an uncertain Ladybug. Shadows stretched beneath her dangling feet as it started to snow lightly. Marinette had known all day that she needed to apologize, that much had been obvious. She'd even prepared a thermos of hot cocoa for a peace offering.

But now what? How could she go on without hurting or endangering Adrien further? The cleanest way to keep him and the city safe was to tell him they needed to only see each other during akuma attacks, to maintain the dynamic that had always worked so well. Would either of them be able to stand that?

The only clear answer was that running away from him had solved nothing. She sighed, scooped up the thermos, and pushed off to find him. She would think of something. She had to.

Ladybug was greeted with the dark, empty windows of Adrien's room. It was too early for him to be in bed, but too late for him to be at a photoshoot. If she knew Chat Noir, and if Chat Noir was Adrien, then she was sure he'd be out and about somewhere. As she raced to all his favorite hangout spots, doubt started to set in. This was another sign of their weakening bond. He had read her wrong before, and now she couldn't anticipate where he would go.

A few minutes later and getting desperate, she swung back toward his house, hoping that maybe he'd already gone home. In between street lamps, hundreds of string lights covered buildings and fences and trees. Icy puddles and piles of snow seemed to blur together as she pushed herself faster. She arced over the park and spotted a lone figure on a bench staring up the Ladybug and Chat Noir statue. Lights hung off her stone counterpart like necklaces and scarves. The person on the bench looked like marshmallow in a puffy white coat that was several sizes too big. But she recognized the red pom pom.

Landing silently next to him, she asked, "Hey, on the prowl?"

Adrien sat up a little straighter at the sound of her voice. "Ladybug! You're here! I mean, you don't have to stay if you don't want to." He slid to make room for her on the bench, ever hopeful.

"Do you know how long I've been looking for you?" She took the offered seat and uncapped the thermos for him.

"I'm guessing you were dying to see me and have been calling my name for hours."

"You haven't been here out for hours, have you?" she asked in alarm.

"No, no," he assured her. "I was just—never mind." He took a sip of the thermos to avoid her questioning look.

They passed thermos back and forth several times before Ladybug said, "Sorry for freaking out at you earlier. I'm here because I want to spend time with you, but …" The words caught in her throat. What should have followed was, but we can't right now. She couldn't say it. She was here because she wanted to be with him. Another sip hid her struggle, as she tried to buy herself time, so he wouldn't have to see her confusion, to delay the words that would hurt him.

The wind blew, and she shivered, though she resisted the urge to lean into him for warmth.

He noticed her shudder anyway. "Maybe this isn't the best time for this conversation," he said.

Ladybug pressed her fingers into the side of the thermos, trying to draw in its heat. "I'm fine." Her teeth chattered. "Not cold." They needed to have this conversation. She needed to get a hold of herself for his sake, though she wasn't sure if she meant her shivers or her emotions.

As lightly as another breeze, Adrien's arm snaked around her shoulder, bringing with it half of the coat. She tried to protest, but he just leaned over to grab the thermos from her and pulled her deeper into his side in the process. "Sorry, but you're freezing. Don't try to hide it," was the only apology he gave.

Now she'd done it. Given him the wrong impression. He thought she was stopping because of the weather and not because she was choking on her words. He'd misread the situation again. They were out of sync. All of her efforts to fix it had failed. What was she supposed to do now?

"You probably think we shouldn't be sitting out here like this," he said. "I get it."

Ladybug frowned. Did he really? Could he tell how badly they were messed up?

"It's been pretty crazy for me. I can't imagine what it's been like for you. You're always the one with the plan, and there's no way to plan our way out of this. It'll just take some time."

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. Maybe … she started to hope. Maybe he did get it.

"But I trust you, Ladybug. And I'm glad we're in it together," he said. "Right?"

"Always," she said. They couldn't turn back to where they had been. And they couldn't stop their partnership from developing. But as she laid her head on his shoulder and stared up at the sparkling lights illuminating their statues, she thought maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing after all.

For now, she had a new plan …

Trust her partner.

***

Author's note: This was written for the Miraculous Writer Zine: Once Upon a Season. Together, we raised $2,385 for the Organization of Transformative Works. The zine is no longer on sale, so all the authors have been given permission to post their works!

[pandajaye]

Todoroki Family Ties (Parts 5-6)

Characters: Enji Todoroki, Stepmom!OC!Ivy (Ivy is black btw), Child!Shoto Todoroki, Teen!Touya Todoroki

Warnings: mention of harsh discipline,

Part 5

Enji explained everything. The whole entire full length truth. He explained what happened to Rei. What she did to Shoto’s eye. What he did to Touya. It flipped her reality completely.

“Thank you for letting me open up about all this. It’s not all easy to admit to. I’m so sorry for not telling you the truth.”

She felt kind of bad for the guy. But she really felt bad for Rei. The guilt she must have in her soul for what she did. For what he pushed her to do. Would it happen to her too? Whatever. She didn’t want to think about that anymore right now. Instead, she snuggled close to him again.

“Let’s just talk about it later. Today was kind of wild wasn’t it? I’m lucky that Shoto called you when he did. I probably would’ve been ashes if he hadn’t done something.”

Her snuggles were met with some of his own. Kisses even. He really was sweet when he wanted to be.

“It was and you’re absolutely right. Because of him, you’re still in my arms. He’s a good kid. Still learning to be tough, of course. Maybe I’ll give him a break tomorrow too and just train with Touya. You and Shoto could just spend some time together.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun. I think he’d really like that. Good idea.”

The next day, Shoto and stepmama Ivy, got to have fun and relax.

They practiced some yoga:

“Okay, Shoto. Let’s try downward dog.” *stretches* “Now you try.”

Shoto attempts the pose successfully and flawlessly.

“Did I do it? I think I did it!!”

“You did! You got it! Good job, Sho! Now, try to keep your balance and reach out with your left arm and lift your right leg. Like this.”

She moves to position and takes a deep breath, coming out of position to observe Shoto. He struggles a bit, but completes the goal and sits back down.

“Awesome! Our next pose is gonna be a little harder. Think you’re up for it?”

“Yeah! I’m ready for anything!”

“Good attitude! So, I know your dad has this idea that being a hero means being all hard and tough. But you have to learn how to be flexible and balanced. You must relax and focus so that you can attack efficiently. Always keep in mind that you have to be able to adapt to successfully strategize and defeat your opponent.”

While she was talking, she bent into the side crow post with grace and ease, balancing on nothing but her hands.

“I can do it! Watch me!”

Shoto attempted the same pose but struggled to hold himself up, falling back down.

“Dang it! I’ll try again.”

He tried again. The same result but he fell down a little quicker.

“Hey, maybe it’s time to take a brea-“

“NO!! I can do it!”

Another attempt and another fall. She could tell he was getting tired but he was really determined.

“Okay. Just remember: relax, focus, and breathe. You got this.”

He tried again. And slipped again, starting to get a little upset. Not a little. A good bit actually. Shoto stood up and stomped around.

“NOOO! NO NO NO NO!”

Ivy sat in front of him, reaching her hands out.

“Hey, Shoto. It’s okay! Calm down. Just breathe.”

He should really take her advice. He was starting to get as red as his own hair. There were tears in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

“I promise I’ll get it, I promise! I’ll work harder and get stronger and-“

“Shoto Todoroki. Take a seat and breathe. Hold my hands.”

Shoto listened and sat down in front of her, putting his little hands in hers. His left hand was really warm but his right hand was cool. Must be his quirk.

“Breathe with me. Deep breath in.”

They inhaled together.

“Deep breath out.”

They exhaled together.

“Now. Why do you feel so strongly about this? It’s literally just yoga. It’s supposed to be fun.”

He wiped his eyes but thinking about why he was getting so frustrated made him cry more.

“And.... I’m supposed to be number one. I’m not s-supposed to fail. Failure is bad. Bad is weakness. Weakness is punishable.”

Ivy didn’t hesitate to pull Shoto into her lap and hug him tight. Every sniffle made her heart sad.

“Sho.... It’s okay. You’re not training with your dad. We’re having a fun day off together. Me and you. You’re safe with me. Life is going to be challenging. You’re not always going to achieve your goal right away. I didn’t come out the wound bending like a pretzel, honey. It took me a long time to master a move like that. You’re only seven years old, you’re not expected to be able to hold up your own body weight. But it also doesn’t mean that you’re not strong. We’ll work on it another day if you’re still determined. Let’s rest your arms and have a snack and relax.”

Shoto wiped his face again and stood up.

“Can we cuddle and watch a movie too?”

“It’s your day off. We can do whatever we want. If that’s what you wanna do, let’s do it!”

When he got up she crouched to wipe his face and kiss his forehead, standing up and holding his hand. After an arm massage, a snack, and a movie, cuddle included, he felt a lot better. They both did. The movie finished just in time for Touya and Enji to return. That’s when Ivy discovered Shoto had fallen asleep. She let him sleep for a little longer while she made dinner.

“What did you guys do while Touya and I were out?”

She shrugged.

“Nothing much. Just some yoga. But.... we need to talk about his emotional health. He got really upset when he couldn’t do this one pose. I don’t know. Does the phrase ‘Weakness is punishable’ sound familiar to you?”

Enji looked from the floor to the wall. He really tried to pretend he didn’t hear what she just said.

“Touya did good today. Not great. Just good.”

“Enji. He’s seven. You can’t keep pushing him so hard. It’s gonna backfire on you. It probably already has with Touya.”

“He’s fine, Ivy. It’s what he needs to push himself.”

“Why does he need to push himself? The only pushing he should be dealing with is on a swing.”

“What did I tell you about trying to tell me what my kids need?!”

The two froze when Shoto shuffled. Maybe if Mr. Hellfire didn’t raise his voice he wouldn’t have woken up. He yawned before rubbing the sleep away and looking at them.

“Is dinner ready yet?”

She rolled her eyes at Enji and gave him a warm smile.

“Almost, Sho. Can you go ahead and get your brother and wash your hands please?”

“Yeah. I got it.”

Shoto slid off the couch and headed to Touya’s room, sort of stumbling from still being a little tired. Back in the kitchen, Ivy glared at Enji, her voice lowered to a whisper.

“We WILL talk about this later.”

“Fine with me, urchin.”

“Whatever, flaming bookshelf.”

Sometimes people do outta pocket shit. People like Enji. Who for some reason thought it was hot for her to call him a flaming bookshelf and smacked her ass and walked off. She gasped and grabbed a wooden spoon and threw it at the back of his head, trying not to laugh.

“BOOOYYYY IF YOU DON-”

Part 6

The incident with Touya was three days ago. Enji and Ivy continued to argue about how they should handle the situation before coming to the conclusion that they’d just talk to him. For a good 20 minutes, he sat on one side of the living room and they sat across from him. Enji and Touya had a glaring contest and Ivy just tried to smile so he wouldn’t have to feel like he was in big trouble, not that he broke eye contact with Enji to even notice her anyways.

Finally, Ivy broke the awkward silence.

“Sooooo.... Touya. Your father and I just wanted to talk to you about the other d-“

“Apologize.”

“No.”

This is where the trouble starts. Something is always going to go wrong when someone interrupts someone else. Especially if there’s two people that butt heads constantly.

“Hun, I got this. So. Touya. Is there anything that you want to say about what happened? Would you like to explain what you were feeling?”

Since she was being so nice about it, he decided to answer her. He rolled his eyes and adjusted himself before speaking.

“Listen. I’m sure you’re a nice person, but to be honest.... I think you’re weak, I think you’re sensitive, and I think you’re useless. I FEEL like you think you can replace my mom but you don’t even have a quirk! You’re literally nothing but some wench off the street looking for home, stray.”

“ALRIGHT THAT’S IT! YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME RESPECT, INGRATE!!“

“YOU AND ME OLD MAN, LET’S GO!!”

They were about to hurt each other but Ivy interfered before any damage was done.

“Enji, just go check on Shoto! I’LL talk to him. Alone.”

Enji growled before stomping off to the door to check on his youngest playing outside, while Touya sat back down with a huff. Now it was just the two of them.

“Touya.... I know this isn’t just about me or your mom not being here. I know how hard he pushes you. I know what your dad does to push you, and past your limits at that. You’re still a kid. A teenager. Life is already so hard for you. Psychologically especially. You’re growing up. Going through puberty. Liking people more than in just a friendly way. Reading magazines-“

“Oh god, make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!”

She did stop, since she was only kidding, and laughed at his reaction.

“I’m just messing with you, kid. But seriously. I know it’s hard and I see the resentment in your face. I also see the stress you’re giving yourself. I know that that pain and frustration you projected onto me the other day, was a little bit cause, y’know, I’m not Rei. And I know that in that aspect, I can’t change anything. *sigh* But I still want to do my best to protect you guys. Because I really do care about you. I am so proud of you and the strength and determination that you show. I don’t know if your father ever acknowledges it, but this is me acknowledging it. Good job, Touya. You’re my number one hero.”

At first, he tried to sit there and pretend like he hadn’t heard a single word she had said. He was almost convincing until the ends of his mouth quivered. Until he wiped his face with his forearm. Until he got up and walked over to her and couldn’t look her in the eyes. Just stood in front of her. It wasn’t for nothing. She knew what was happening. He needed to be held, so that’s what she did. She embraced him with open arms and a squeeze to reassure him that he was safe with her. That she would do anything to protect him. That he was worthy and more than just a masterpiece.... that he was someone that was loved obviously instead of just the absence of negative moments.

She could feel him shaking when he cried. He needed this, he was positive-touch starved. Jesus.

“I’m r-really s-sorry.... for what happened.... for everything I said....”

Ivy rubbed his back before pulling back to look at him and wipe his face.

“I forgive you. More importantly. Did you like the dinner I put out in front of your door that night?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. It was great-“

“SCORE ONE FOR STEPMAMA!! WOOHOO!! Sorry, I love cooking. I also love you.”

“Back at ya.”

He smiled and headed to his room. Ivy took a deep breath, feeling accomplished. At least.... before Enji ran back inside in panic and looking upset. He’d been running around, there was sweat on his face.

“SHOTO’S GONE!!”

“....W-What?”

[the-hidden-writer]

And Into The Fire

Chapter 13: A Small Confrontation

Summary: Months after the Mitchells saved the world, Linda gets a phone call asking if she’s seen two defective Pal MAX bots. Powerful people are after Eric and Deborabot 5000, and it’s up to the Mitchells to protect them.

Taglist: @squidsushi , @astro-aye , @shitmyex, @sharks-are-friendly, @snakeguy99

Check reblogs for AO3 link!

A Small Confrontation

Aaron held onto his Mom’s hand for dear life as she and Dad used tools from the kit in the car to smash the glass of the entrance to Pal Labs; a hammer in Dad’s hand and a wrench in Mom’s.

Aaron himself just brought his Number 3 Robertson Head Non-Slip Screwdriver. He kept it in his pocket though, so he could hold Monchi’s lead with his other hand.

Monchi didn’t seem bothered with them committing crimes.

As soon as the glass pane had shattered (which had taken a surprising amount of effort from all of them to achieve), they raced through the hole and into the building that Aaron had only seen on TV.

Mom had said that they’d have the element of surprise since nobody knew they were coming- especially so early in the morning. Judging by the number of people pointing guns at them, Mom may have been wrong.

He gripped her hand tighter.

“Where are they?!” Mom cried, making Dad wince.

“Calm down, dear.” He shushed through an obviously-fake smile that failed to hide his panic. “We can’t win a fight here, let’s try and settle this peacefully.”

Mom glared at him but didn’t argue.

“Ah! Mitchells!”

The three of them looked up to see a new figure emerge on the big glass balcony, the sound of her boots clicking against the floor loudly. Some of the gun-people moved aside to allow the tall blonde woman to stand at the very edge to face them.

“Enjoying your road trip?”

Aaron was now sure that they had no element of surprise whatsoever. Mom looked heartbroken and a bit terrified.

“Who are you?” She demanded anyway. “What do you want with the poor robots?”

The woman smirked and avoided the questions entirely. “Which robots would those be, Mrs Mitchell? The robots that tried to take over the world or the robots that legally belong to Pal Labs?”

“Dang it.” Mom hissed under her breath. Sometimes Aaron wondered if she would use curse words more if she wasn’t a teacher. She probably would.

“You don’t look like Mark Bowman.” Dad commented warily. “And since when did Pal Labs authorise firearms for their workers? Doesn’t seem that legal to me.”

The lady frowned then, and Aaron instinctively shrunk in on himself. There was something about her (the way she was reacting to their arrival and the way that all the people holding guns seemed to respect her) that made her seem very menacing.

She felt a lot like a villain from one of Katie’s movies, except without Dog Cop to come and save them and guarantee a happy ending.

“I’m Agent Jennifer Ward with the CIA.” She said, pulling out a badge from her blazer pocket and flashing it in their direction. “And my team and I are trying to prevent another robot apocalypse.”

She put the badge back. “There, I’ve answered your questions, now answer mine: What do you want with the robots?”

Aaron cringed as all three of them faltered, knowing the real reason would be unacceptable. Even Monchi let out a small whine.

But it was still the truth.

“They’re our family!” He blurted out. Mom and Dad both turned to look at him, shocked. Aaron felt a little guilty- he probably shouldn’t have said that.

“Family?” The stern-looking agent scoffed in disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”

For a moment, Aaron thought that his Mom was glaring at him for revealing their secret. But she slowly turned her head so that she was facing the agent, giving her the Mom-glare instead.

“He’s right.” She said confidently, making Aaron’s heart swell with love for his mother. “They helped us stop Pal and they’re ours now. So give them back.”

He noticed Dad shuffle backwards. Mom was losing her patience very quickly.

The agent seemed to think for a minute. “Well… I’m feeling generous so I suppose you can have one back, since it’s only causing us trouble. You want the whole one, correct?”

The “whole” one? What did that mean?

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dad voiced his confusion. He and Dad were often on the same page with this sort of thing.

The agent opened her mouth to reply, but before she could there was a loud crashing noise coming from down the hall. Her brows furrowed as she leaned on the balcony to try and look down.

The Mitchells, standing near the entrance, could see much more clearly.

And the sight in front of them was the last thing any of them had expected.

Aaron was the first to react. “Katie!”

Katie raced toward them, looking completely dishevelled and with some sort of desperation shining bright in her eyes. A man was following at a distance behind her- but Aaron couldn't quite see who it was.

“KATIE?!” Mom and Dad shouted at the same time, their gazes locking onto their daughter.

What was Katie doing here?!

Monchi, overjoyed to see her again, started dragging Aaron toward her.

“Don’t trust them!” She cried. She then bent down to pet the over-excited Monchi as they reached her, and as Aaron was closer he could see the sweat on her forehead. She must be really panicked. “They’ve got the bots- they’ve taken Eric apart!”

“They. What.”

Uh oh. Whenever Mom used that tone of voice it usually meant…

Aaron turned to see his Mom’s jaw clenched. Her eyes were wide and unfocused as she glared somewhere in their general direction.

The bad guys had no chance.

The agent must have sensed that too, as she snapped out of her shock and calmly said: “Get them.”

Suddenly the building erupted with the sound dozens of pairs of footsteps that thundered toward them, and Aaron was terrified.

Robots coming after you was one thing, but that didn’t really feel real. Or just not as real as the very real people coming at him with very real guns.

He found himself frozen to the spot as he watched his parents race toward him and Katie.

“We need to get out of here.” Katie whispered desperately, as the attackers grew ever nearer.

“Mitchells! This way!” A voice called back from the corridor that Katie had come from. Aaron was too frightened to recognise it. He felt too scared to do anything and he could barely register what was going on.

Katie took Monchi’s lead from his hand and Dad scooped him up into his arms. Mom held his hand as they ran in the direction the voice had come from.

He clung onto his Dad like a lifeline. Even though he hated being picked up (he was way too old for that) it was just what he needed, and they knew it. He loved his family.

Mom’s hand only slipped from his when they turned a corner as they were running. Aaron twisted his head to properly see where they were going (rather than the people who they were slowly gaining on) and he caught a glimpse of the owner of the voice, Mark Bowman himself, rushing into one of the many white doors to their right.

“In here!” He cried, holding the door open for them.

It took a few more precious seconds for them to reach the door, which the five of them literally tumbled into. Dad tripped over Monchi’s lead, causing Aaron to fall onto the tile floor the second that the door slammed shut behind them.

He looked up with a wince, expecting to see his family...

Not four huge men standing right in front of him with red eyes and crazed smiles.

Aaron screamed.

“Woah, hey, it’s okay!” Mark Bowman said, appearing from behind the line of large men. “They’re not real.” He shoved a hand straight through one of them, and the way it emerged from its chest made Aaron’s stomach churn. They looked so realistic. “See? Just holograms. We’re safe in here.”

“How do you know?” Asked Katie.

“This is the only lab without cameras, so those doors are really tough to get into once locked to make up for the lack of security,” Bowman explained, “and it also connects directly to Lab 3 upstairs. Now my workers know this, but these agents don’t. We can escape through there.”

“Katie!” Dad huffed, still getting his breath back. “What are you doing here?! Are you okay?”

Katie let out a small, tired laugh. That must mean she was sort of okay, right?

“It’s a funny story, actually…”

Comments make my day! :)

[andersunmenschlich]

"Was I Abused" game

Copied and pasted from this post by @furiousgoldfish (to save space since you can't reformat anything in posts you reblog).

Is it accurate? Who knows! My memories of childhood are incomplete! Besides, a lot of these things seem frankly normal to me and not abusive at all... which, if they are abusive, is probably an especially bad sign. Hm. Anyway, on to the game!

Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you're not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)

Physical abuse

parent slapped me to prove their point / teach me a lesson (I don't remember. It would have been loss of temper anyhow, not point-proving or lesson-teaching.)

parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good (Hey, I was raised full-on Michael Pearl TTUAC-style. This is foundational.)

parent pulled on my hair to force me to move

parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me (Kind of? She and my sister were on my bed, top bunk. I was cowering on the floor. But I dunno if she was angry.)

parent trapped me in a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them (I don't remember. But I do know, in my very bones, that there was no escape from them. You couldn't run. You couldn't hide. And trying would only make things worse.)

parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them / tried to confront them (To Train Up A Child, people.)

parent used a twig / stick / belt to lash at my body (Again—this is the Pearl technique. My parents broke a lot of wooden paint mixing sticks on me before discovering this whippy plastic rod about the thickness of a pencil! You could sharpen the end in a pencil sharpener, too. They had a ton of those, it seemed like. And a short one for trips outside the house; it fit in Mom's purse.)

parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them

parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping (...Yeah. Again, this is the Pearl technique.)

parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life (I—look, it's not like the fears were rational or anything. It's just that the world is terrifying when you're autistic and so much hurts. And have been taught your whole life that "the world" is a terrible, dangerous place that can kill you both physically and spiritually. Yeah.)

parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries (I mean. TTUAC.)

parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say (This was the most basic part of my childhood. Like air. Under what circumstances would this not be the case? Unimaginable.)

parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat (Does not letting you eat between meals, and putting the same food in front of you at each meal—over and over again until you either eat it or it grows mold—count?)

parent made an attempt at strangling / drowning / burning me

parent banged my head / body into the wall / furniture (To be fair, I hit him first. And it's not like I broke the table when his punch sent me across the room: I didn't hit it that hard. Just busted open the back of my head a bit.)

parent forced me into sexual activities

Emotional abuse

parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once (Frankly, I'm still reasonably convinced that I am a monster. And evil. And I am definitely a fool, at least biblically speaking. "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no god,'" indeed.)

parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice (To be fair, it was my name.)

parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun

parent insulted and devalued something really important to me (I mean, in retrospect, it was dumb. Just a worthless paper model of a house, that's all. It wasn't even that great. I was a little kid, after all. So what if I'd spent all day on it? It was still garbage, really.)

parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me (I don't remember. I genuinely don't remember, but I still have trouble admitting that I care about anything because part of me is terrified that if anyone knows I like a thing they'll have a way to hurt me, and that fear has to have come from somewhere, right?)

parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once

parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault (And they do feel bad about this now.)

parent shamed me for my physical appearance

parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough (I mean, they tried. But good luck; I have no idea what guilt feels like. I bought a book about it because I was curious.)

parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all (Hmm. I don't really do shame either. I was a burden, though.)

parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I was hurt by their insults

parent never comforted me / got angry if I reached for comfort (Again, to be fair: I'm autistic. I'm pretty sure they were just having trouble with my body language and facial expressions. Why else would they punish me for bad attitude when all I wanted was to be cooed at and fluttered over with the same concern they showed my siblings when they cried about their wounded knees?)

parent punished me for crying / showing fear / showing trauma symptoms

parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness

parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter (They, uh. They don't. My feelings and problems are mine. Why should anyone else care? It's genuinely not their problem.)

parent got angry at me for feeling depressed / angry / tired / suicidal

parent blamed me for feeling depressed / angry / tired / suicidal (Who else's fault would it be? They're my feelings, produced by my body and brain, experienced only by me, in my own head. Dang if I see how anybody else could be to blame.)

parent compared me to cousins / other children to prove how I’m the worst (Dang you, Perfect Second Child. ... Although... in retrospect... that set-up wasn't great for you either, was it. Hm.)

parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them

parent told me that I was crazy / delusional / need to be locked away (I don't remember. It sounds familiar. But I don't. I don't remember.)

parent threatened me with kicking me out / sending me away if I don’t change (Kind of? Does it count if you overhear your parents talking about it in their locked bedroom? Not their fault I was listening at the door, surely. They were genuinely considering it. I can't blame them. I was a terrible child.)

parent refused to accept my sexuality gender / tried to force it to change

parent required me to act normal to protect family’s reputation

parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy (Nooo, haha, I did that all on my own.)

parent assured me that nobody will ever want me (I mean... "only a mother could love" is a saying for a reason. And if even my own mother couldn't love me, well! I don't remember whether anyone told me this outright. It just seemed... obvious.)

parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse (I could have!)

parent made me responsible for their well-being and made me the caretaker

parent insisted that their harmful acts were all done “out of love” (The subject of love was confusing. "I don't love you," "I hate you," "I have to love you because you're my child, so I love you—but I don't have to like you, and I don't, I don't like you at all" ...it was all very confusing.)

parent demanded I be available for their requests at any time (Well, yes, obviously. To Train Up A Child was very clear about this.)

parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries (Boundaries, boundaries. Hmm. Interesting concept....)

parent destroyed my belongings as a form of revenge (Revenge? I don't know. Consequences, I think it was. For keeping all my favorite toys on my bed, and nesting in them. So obviously they had to be thrown onto the floor. And at my head. Ahaha.)

parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence

parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me (I'm not sure they aren't right, honestly. As previously noted, I am a horrible person, and I was even more horrible as a child.)

Psychological Abuse

parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I won't achieve anything (Mmm... was it them, or was it me doing this? Seems like they were always telling me how intelligent I was, how talented, how much promise I had. The voices asking why wasn't I doing anything, why couldn't I use the gifts God had given me correctly, why was I wasting it all, I'm the stupidest smart person ever, garbage, can't do anything right, etc., seem to have always come from my own mind.)

parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks

parent would change their side of the agreement at a crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start

parent stalked me / distrusted me without any reason / invaded my privacy (I'm really not sure. What privacy? A four-bedroom house with twelve people in it has very little room for privacy. And if you have nothing to hide....)

parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument (Dad's always been very good at this. It's his emotional intelligence, I think. Never been much of a cryer, but he can do it to me every time!)

parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched

parent threatened to leave me

parent regularly accused me of behaving the way they did

parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions

parent always demanded they be acknowledged as right without any proof / explanation (Sort of? They had explanations. It's just that those explanations were often terrible. Not that my parents were aware of that.)

parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof

parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me (Keeping me safe from the world! The evil, dirty, disgusting world, full of immoral monsters! Oh, the horrible things that could happen to me without their protection! ...Which is not entirely untrue, I guess. But... I dunno....)

parent gaslit me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did

Neglect

parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly (Frankly, I preferred that. I never much cared for being forced to eat things that made me feel sick.)

parent didn’t notice I was sick / didn’t care for me while I was sick

parent didn’t notice I was injured (Eh. After the first few years of my life, that suited me just fine.)

parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes / shoes I needed for school (I didn't go to school.)

parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma (Look, it's—it's the autism again, okay? Living in a world that hurts you horribly at unpredictable moments is traumatic. I didn't know it was trauma. I just thought it was life. So how could they have known?)

parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed (Oh, they noticed that.)

parent didn’t notice I was depressed (Once again—I didn't realize. So how could they? I'm really not sure this counts.)

parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself (Whipping myself, actually. With tree branches. Until the skin broke. Hmm, that was when I was in my early teens, though—as a kid I used to turn a little wooden rocking chair upside down and throw myself into the sharp ends of the rockers. To be fair, they might have noticed. Just... who really cares? I was a rough and tumble kid. Scrapes and bruises and cuts and what-have-you were to be expected. Anyway, there was no cutting; I never cut myself.)

parent didn’t notice I was suicidal (I wasn't. I'm not. I won't be. Mind over matter. Ha.)

parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused

parent didn’t notice I was being bullied

parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed

parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care

parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive (Uh. Anything more than the absolute minimum you require to survive isn't a need. You need to survive. Do you really need anything else? I mean, it's nice, a definite plus, but....)

when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it

Financial Abuse

parent made me feel ashamed for needing money

parent made me feel like I was a financial burden to them (But I was. Come on, now. There's no way honesty counts as abuse. ...Is there?)

parent only gave me minimal money to survive (I don't—there were kids out there getting money from their parents? I mean, they're giving you clothes, food, and shelter already. What for would you need money? I must be missing something.)

parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me (Again—I never had that much money. Quarters from the Tooth Fairy: that was it. Money from birthday cards or whatever went in the college fund under their bed. "For your future." And I raided that stash later to buy books anyhow.)

parent took the money I earned from me

parent used the money to blackmail me (if you continue this way let’s see who will pay for your bus ticket!)

parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions (and attitudes. Is this, um. Is this not true?)

parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything

parent refused to get my medicine / get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves (Nah, they didn't visit the doctor either.)

parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not

parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity

parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age (Was that them, though? Or was that me? It's difficult to know what's going on with your money when you can't go outside during the day—so no bank visits—and you don't have the password to your bank account because you never asked for it, so you can't do anything online. Which was just as well, because my laptop was... not great. Almost certainly terribly insecure.)

parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them

If you bold more than 5 things, you have been through abuse. For some particular ones, even one true thing on this list means you’ve been badly harmed by your parents. Also this list is not complete, there are many more abusive behaviours not listed here, feel free to add!

[bbykpoper]

𝓑𝓵𝓾𝓮𝓫𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂 🦋

Inspired by this post 🌼

Pairing: swimcoach!seonghwa x artist!reader

Warning: sexual content further in the story, read at your own discretion!

Index: Jongho // Hongjoong // San // Yunho // Wooyoung // Mingi // Yeosang

･*:༅

The canvas was covered in smudges of blue paint as you stared at it from your spot on the floor. You were disgusted by your work, by the mere atempt at the whole thing. Your whole being screamed ‘lack-of-inspiration’ and you were fed up with this shit you were trying to achieve. A groan left your lips as your phone started to ring somewhere in the background.

“Hello?” You sounded much more composed than you actually were, seeing as anger was slowly taking over you. 

“Hey, bad time?” The soft voice of your friend came through the phone.

“I don’t know...” You sighed, placing your paint brush on the ground. “I’m not exactly going anywhere with my work.” You looked up your canvas but disregarded it the moment you saw the frustration reflected on it. “Anyways, what’s up?”

“I need a favour.” You could hear the stress in his voice. “I forgot my swim bag at home...”

“How could you forget your swim bag?” You stood up and went over to the room next to yours and that’s when you noticed it. “You haven’t slept at home have you?”

“Maybe.” A silence passed over the speaker. “Can you bring it over please? I’m pretty sure Park will have my head either way, but I’d at least like to be prepared.”

“Sure Chan, but don’t come crying when JIhyo comes after you.” You giggled, grabbing the bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “Dang, this is heavy.”

“Sorry again.” He spoke now guilt lacing his words.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. We’re friends. And I do need a break from just blindly throwing paint on my canvases.” You giggled along with him. “I’ll be over in an hour or so. I hope Park doesn’t kill you by then.”

“So do I.”

Your steps were quick down the stairs of your loft appartment which led to the small florist shop underneath it. You passed by Yeosang who greeted you with a smile and grabbed the pair of keys from the back room. Jihyo was currently serving a customer as you hurriedly ran past them.

“I’m borrowing your car for a short while.” 

“Did Chan forget something again?” She asked while she prepared the bouquet for the customer.

“His swim bag.” And you left the store.

You’ve lived with your two best friends, the very scary yet beautiful florist Park Jihyo and forgetful playboy Bang Chan, since freshman year of college. You guys were well adults now, doing your own thing but still living together above Jihyo’s flower shop. Chan worked as an assistant swim coach at the local college swim team and he enjoyed his job drilling those poor students the best he could. Jihyo opened her flower shop during her last year of college and has been working there with Yeosang ever since. And you? You held art exhibitions from time to time, selling some paintings here and there. 

The ride to the local college was uneventful as you parked the car and made your way towards the pool. Students stood around, some going to class, some studying in the soft breeze and others just casually chatting with each other. With a small smile you entered the pool area, squeaking in surprise when a group of girls shuffled passed you annoyed.

“Are you okay?” A voice spoke, pulling you out of the way so the girls wouldn’t stomp all over you. “Sorry about them, they get angry when I tell them to leave practice so that the boys can focus.”

“It’s okay. They surprised me is all.” You sighed, looking up at the blond man who helped you out. “Thanks Park.” You beamed up at him.

Park Seonghwa was the main coach for the college swim team and technically Chan’s boss. He was also friends with Yeosang and you’ve known him since college. He was a nice guy with you, sometimes holding danger in his eyes but overall he was just soft with you.

“What brings you here?” He asked as you two entered towards the pools.

“Chan forgot his swim bag.” You looked at the unamused expression Seonghwa had on his face from the corner of your eye and only giggled now fully facing him. “Don’t be too harsh on him. He’ll get a much more doom filled talk when he comes back home from Jihyo.”

“I sure do hope so. He’s really become irresponsible as of lately.” The blond muttered.

“He’s just going through some stuff.” You sighed noticing Chan sitting on the bleachers, his mind wandering. “I’ll just give him the bag and leave. I won’t hold up practice for you guys.”

You ran over to your friend, flicking his fore head to bring him back to the land of the living. He looked up at you and smiled, taking the bag off your shoulder and throwing it on the ground. He pulled out a pack of baby wipes and started gently rubbing off some paint you had on your cheek.

“You have baby wipes?” You asked, closing your eye so he doesn’t peck it out.

“Of course! I have to take care of my struggling artist.” He giggled with you. “Jihyo has some too in her bag for these exact reasons.”

“Thanks.” You nodded your head as Seonghwa joined you two.

“Get dressed Bang, I’m gonna need your help today more than so.” He said, his eyes not amused by the exchange of affection you two displayed.

“Yes sir!” He said and got up to go. “Thanks for bringing this over y/n.” 

“No problem!” You yelled out after him as he waved goodbye to you.

“Are you guys like dating yet or not?” Seonghwa muttered out lowly but you still caugh on.

“You know Chan and I are just roommates. And he has this undying crush on Jihyo not me.” You sighed looking after his frame. “It’s sad that she now has a boyfrined and he’s alone, but at the same time it’s his own fault for not saying something to her on time.” You looked over at Seonghwa and shrugged your shoulders. “Love’s harsh in that way I guess.”

You turned to leave so that you won’t bother their job anymore and noticed how the boys in the pool looked to be having fun as they splashed each other. It made you smile when Seonghwa blew his whistle fiercly telling them to do a few laps to warm up. That whole picture gave you an idea but you couldn’t exactly place your finger on it. 

Something was missing.

“Good luck Park.” You waved him goodbye and left.

･*:༅

Waiting in line for coffee at Sugarberry’s you and Jihyo chatted along your mind wandering a bit. You were scared for the upcoming days because you had a gallery show in about two months but only had half of the pieces done. 

“You’re still struggling with your art?” Jihyo asks as she pays for your coffee.

“Yeah. I can’t seem to find inspiration anywhere...” You sigh and give her a thanks for your coffee. “I don’t even know where to look.”

“Well, the bookshop down the street has something like a poetry night. Maybe you’ll get inspired by some words?” 

“That’s not a bad idea.”

“What’s not a bad idea?” Chan suddenly grabbed you both by the shoulder, pulling you in for a bear hug.

“Poetry night.” Jihyo answered with a huff.

“Sounds boring.”

“I may find my inspiration there.” You giggled out. “Wanna come with?”

“Sorry y/n, but Daniel is coming back from his business trip so I’m going over to his house.” Jihyo apologised and you saw Chan’s mood darken a bit.

“What about you Chan?” 

“Poetry ain’t for me.” He simply stated. 

“Aww, I guess I’ll go alone.” You sighed trying to get the two with your puppy eyes. “Not working?”

“No, sorry.” Both answered.

From the corner of your eye you saw something blue fluttering around and your friends also turned to look at you at the same time. They followed your gaze and were also mesmerized with the creature floating around you suddenly.

“A blue butterfly?” You whispered out the quesiton as it landed on your head. “And it landed on me!”

“I’ve never seen a blue one before.” Jihyo commented.

“Where’d you come from little guy?” Chan brought his face close to your head.

“You’ll scare the butterfly away.” The waitress laughed as she came over to you three. “It’s a rare sight. Blue ones aren’t that common.”

“You know, they say that if you wish upon one it may come true.” She said with a smile. “You better make a wish before it flies off.”

As she left you looked up at the winged creature on your bangs and smiled, whispering out a small wish. 

I wish to find inspiration again.

The butterfly flewed off in the direction of the exit of the outside terace of the caffe and you noticed Seonghwa walking in with two other boys. His eyes caught yours and he raised his eyebrows in surprise. He wasn’t expecting to see you all together. The small creature circled the blond man and disappeared into the skies. And in that moment it clicked to you. The inspiration was there for you all the time. 

It was in Park Seonghwa.

“I see you still like Irish coffee.” He chuckled at your half dazed gaze at him.

“I haven’t stopped.” You laughed as his friends entered the shop. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” He stopped in his tracks.

“This may sound weird, but bear with me for a moment.” You sighed as your friends walked up a bit so they could let you talk to him in private. “I want to draw you, but like would you be willing to let me draw you?”

“I know it’s a weird request, but I finally found my inspiration in you.” You blushed at the last bit. “And I’d like to explore it fully if you’ll let me.”

“To draw me?” He thought for a second, his eyes following your every reaction. It was fascinating to him how you still looked on at him in wonder, since college to now. “Why not? I think It will be fun.”

“Really?” You were surprised at the answer.

“Yeah.” He smiled at your happy expression.

“Awesome!” You exclaimed. “You know where we live right?”

“Yeah, I took Chan home enough after drunken nights to know.” He laughed out. “Does Wednesday sound good?” 

“Yeah. Come by whenever you’re free.” You said excited and jumped over to your friends. “Oh and Seonghwa?” He looked after you. It was the first time since college that you said his name. “Thanks.”

･*:༅

A sharp knock on your front door got you to your feet from your position and you went to open it, revealing a cool looking Seonghwa. He was neatly dressed in a jumper and some washed out jeans, his hair still a bit wet from his job. You let him in with a smile and he placed his shoes by yours, entering the small appartment.

He noticed how the living room was cozy with a simple couch, a few swinging chairs hanging off the ceilings and flowers scattered around. The kitchen was close by warm as ever and four more doors decorated the walls. He noticed how every door was painted over except for one.

“Interesting doors.” He said observing them.

“Right?” You giggled. “When we first moved in Jihyo had this idea for me to paint the doors of our rooms with something that represents each of us. That’s why her door has so much flowers, Chan’s has the coast of Australia and if you look closely I tried painting him on a surfboard but failed miserably, and my door has the view of the Eifel tower because I feel like that’s something every artist needs.” You shrugged your shoulders and led him into your room.

Your canvas and paints have been prepared neatly in front of your bed and Seonghwa took notice just how artistic your room was. Especially the floor with all the paint splotches covering it.

“Ignore the floor.” You said as you noticed him looking at it. “I tried scrubbing it off but it didn’t exactly work so I just gave up.”

“Nah, I think it’s kind of cool. It gives this room your personal touch.” He laughed and went over to sit on your bed. “So how do you want me?”

“Um well, can you lay on the bed? But like sideways. Propt by your elbow. Maybe one leg up too.” You went over to position him as you thought right and Seonghwa felt his breath hitch when you went to touch his shoulder. 

It was a feather touch, just enough to let his jumper slide off his shoulder but it got him all hot and bothered. You were so focused that you didn’t pay attention to any of his expressions while you were this close to him, only looking up when you went back to your canvas.

“This is perfect.” You said with a smile. “I’ll just sketch this out today.”

As you said that you plopped a blueberry from your bedside table into your mouth and went on to your work. The man just observed you and enjoyed this silence which was much needed after a long work day.

The hours passed and you noticed that Seonghwa was eyeing the bowl of blueberries on your table. You laughed out loud when you caught his off guard as you threw one at him.

“If you want some just take them.” You said and handed him the bowl. “I don’t bite if you want some.”

As Seonghwa took the bowl your whole perspective changed and it was then that something hit your heartstrings like a truck.

“Keep the bowl.” Is all you said and rearranged your sketch.

“You like blueberries?” He asked, filling the room with his deep voice.

“They’re my focus berries.” You answered laughing along with him at your words. “They help me focus.”

The comfortable silence which filled the room coated your being with warmth as you continued to do an outline. Chan came home not long after and greeted you both, but locked himself in his room and you sighed. 

“Is he okay?” Seonghwa asked.

“He will be.” You shrugged your shoulders and looked over at the time, jumping to your feet and startling the man. “Oh no, I’ll be late.”

And you remembered he was still in the room with you and you blushed in embarrassement with everything.

“I wanted to go to the poetry night at the bookshop and it’s starting soon.” You said with a small head scratch. “I hope you don’t mind if I cut our session here.”

“Not at all.” He said sitting up and watching you grab a jacket and some stuff so you can leave. “Would you mind if I tag along?”

･*:༅

“That was so beautiful.” You whispered out as the poetry night came to an end. “Those romance poems really have my hands tingling. I can’t wait to get back and start painting.” You sighed in content, finally coming back with a new found inspiration. “Jihyo was right, I needed this.”

“I’m glad.” Seonghwa stated as he walked beside you.

“But that still doesn’t change the fact that I want to paint you.” You stuck your tongue out at him. “Same time next week?”

“Sure.” 

You walked up the steps to your appartment and went back into your room, getting a new canvas out and happily getting lost in your thing. The days passed and so did a month, the painting of Seonghwa almost finished. You guy became much closer friends over this period and he was actually amazed at how well you drew. Today was the last day of working on his painting and just as you finished, you took the canvas to the kitchen so it could dry. 

“We’re done.” You said as you went to get your brushes.

“Awesome, can I see it?” He asked.

“Nope. You have to come to my gallery show to see it!” You excitedly waved one of your brushes and it sploshed some blue paint onto his face. You snorted out a laugh. “Sorry.”

“Well, I guess it’s okay.” He looked next to him and quickly took a brush and placed a large dot of black on your own cheek. “Now we’re even.” 

The huff of surprise you let out was followed by a giggle and a battle of paint broke out between you two. Even one of your blank canvases was now fully covered in greens, bluess, reds and some whites. Seonghwa splashed some paint on your uncovered back and the play time stopped.

“Seonghwa! How will I wash this off now?” You laughed thinking how Chan was out for the night and Jihyo was spending the weekend with her boyfriend.

“Come on, I’ll help you.” He laughed along going to the bathroom.

You followed after him, moving your hair from the way so he could easily access your back. As you did, the strap of your shirt fell off your shoulder and it had the blond man gulping with nerves. He was very gentle in rubbing off the paint, easily cleaning it from your skin. On the other hand, you were blushing like crazy, heat spreading through your body.

“Hey.” He whispered out. “Why were you so scared of me in college? Whenever I hung out with Chan you’d run away from me.”

His touch made you shiver and you know he noticed. 

“I wasn’t scared.” You whispered back. “I was just shy. I had this huge crush on you but didn’t act on it because I thought you didn’t like me like that...” You sighed. “I still do.”

You felt the feathery kiss on your exposed shoulder.

“There was a whole magnificent soul burning brightly behind her shy.” 

The whisper was close to your ear and you turned around, your heart hammering away in your ribcage. His eyes were tender, but there was hidden lust in them, something you didn’t notice before. Even though he had it all the while while looking at you. 

“Have you ever wondered why I never had a girlfriend throughout college? Or even now?” His fingers travelled down your back, the touch leaving fire in it’s wake.

“Rumors were that you were a playboy.”

“I’ve had my fair share of hook-ups, but only because I couldn’t have the one girl I really wanted.” 

“You really wanted to have sex with me?” You turned around, raising your eyebrow. “I’m not the type to do this one night.”

“I know, and I really don’t want to.” He came closer to you now, your noses touching. “I want to fuck you everyday, the whole day.” His breath faned over your face. “How does that sounds?”

“Tempting.” You whispered back. “But we’re covered in paint.”

“A minor set back which can be washed off.” He chuckled, pulling you even closer than before, his hands landing on your hips. “Care to join.”

In slow motion his hands brushed against your skin, pulling your shirt over your head. His hands made their way behind your back and climbed up to reach your bram skillfully unhooking it, all while not breaking eye contact with you. The minute his breath hit your neck, you tugged on his shirt, his smirk striking as he stepped back to take it off.

“You enjoying the view baby?” 

“Are you?” With a strong tug you unbuckled his belt.

“Well look who’s been working out.” He laughed, grabbing the waistband of your jeans. “You’ll have to slow down a bit baby, we still have some paint to wash off.”

Soon enough you were both standing in the shower, the hot water pooling by your legs in a specter of colours. He kissed along your jaw, his hot kisses left stings on your body as the electricity transferred from his mouth to your skin. Your shoulders were now stained blue and purple, the bulge which was his dick now struggling against your ass. You moaned and whimpered at the same time when his hands wandered down your body towards your folds, that ticklish feeling becoming stronger as he teased your clit. 

“God, I can’t take it anymore y/n.” He breathed out as he pressed you closer to him, his hardness growing even more. “I need you.” He mumbled into your ear. “I want you.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Your hazed eyes looked back at him as you stepped on your toes to give him better access.

He didn’t hesitate, he thurst in full strength, the surprise and pleasure filling you fully. The moan which followed made him shiver with something so unknown that his heart skipped a beat.

“Oh my God.” He groaned, hips coming to meet yours full force. “This is, uh, fuck, you’re perfect.” He stuttered. “You just feel so fucking good.” The breathlessness he was showcasing was matched with your loud moans which you were sure Yeosang could hear downstairs.

“H-Hwa...” The groan which left his throat grumbled in your abdomen how strong it was. “F-Faster, I need to take you whole!”

His eyes rolled to the back of his head. He couldn’t believe you would say something like that. Hell, he never imagined he’d have the chance to fuck your brains out like this. 

He pulled almost fully out of you, pausing for a moment only to slip back into your core, a moan erupting from both of your throats. You could feel him inside of you, moving along the ridges of your core and giving you that electric feeling deep inside of the pit of your stomach. He leaned down, bitting on your shoulder as he thrusted into your lower half. He was getting faster, harder, and rougher, and still, it wasn’t enough. His hand came to slap your ass harshly, your walls tightening around him as a result.

“You like that baby.” His shit eating grin had you pulling him into a kiss.

He hooked one of his arms under your leg to get a better angle, pushing you up against the glass doors of your shower, your boobs becoming more sensitive with the cold friction provided.

“I’m really close Hwa.” You cried out.

It’s a mess. Loud. Wet. Uncomfortable. But the high rippling through your body makes it all up to you.

“The way you moan my name has me going places y/n.” He whispered in your ear, pushing your leg up higher and reaching your sweet spot. The way your leg shook had Seonghwa smile to himself knowing he was making you feel like this. When your eyes made contact with his, when he saw just how fucked you were, and when a whimper of his name left your lips... Seonghwa went crashing down. His thursts were so good you let yourself go, tightening around him and cumming with a squeaze of your eyes. 

Seonghwa lost his footing and fell with you on top of him, hitting so deep he released his seed inside of you, making you spasm all over. 

The water came over you much stronger than before and you noticed from your tired vision that as you both fell, you broke the handles and the water wasn’t going to stop soon.

“Fuck...” You layed back onto him, letting his dick fall out of you and the jizz to come out your throbbing hole. “This will be fun to explain to Chan.”

“It’s okay, I know how to fix it.” He said his breathing barely coming back to normal. “I’m sorry I came inside you... It wasn’t my intention.”

“I’m on the pill so we’re good.” You huffed out tired. “Though I’d like a nap.” 

“Come on, let’s get cleaned up and I’ll fix the shower head while you take a nap.” He helped you up and you giggled.

“I hope we can have more of these.” You commented.

“More accidents in the shower?” He laughed.

“More sex.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” He came up to you and kissed you on the lips. “We will.”

･*:༅

“But y/n, that painting could make hundreds of thousands of won!” Daniel yelled after you as you walked the gallery halls. “Come on, you have to sell it!”

“Daniel, for the last time.” You turned to him, glaring daggers at his pleading eyes. “I’m not selling the painting of my boyfriend to anybody!” 

With a huff you walked up to Jihyo and Chan as he followed after you. You pleaded with her to stop her stupid boyfriend before you commited a crime and she was quick to put him in his place.

“Why don’t you deal of the rest of my paintings? Why must you target that one?”

“Because you can feel the emotion you put into it.” He whined.

“Yes, and that’s why it will hang in my living room.” An arm snaked around your waist and a kiss was placed on your shoulder. “Please stop trying to sell me off.”

Daniel grumbled but pulled back. You greeted Seonghwa’s friends as they scattered around the hall, enjoying your pieces which hung off the walls. Seonghwa turned to look at the picture in which he laid on your bed, surrounded by sunlight and your many knick-nacks, one hand holding the bowl of blueberries and the other plopping one into his mouth. The most intense gaze staring back at him.

“What made you consider me to be your main piece?” He asked you suddenly.

“I wished upon a blue butterfly and you happened to walk in.” You smiled at him. “I guess that waitress was right.” Your eyes held so much affection for him. “I found my inspiration in you.”

[bonesliketambourines]

top five of ‘20

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

thank you @xanthippe74 for the tag!

well! it’s been quite a year, hasn’t it? 

i hadn’t written fanfic at all since like 2012 prior to this year, and that was in a completely different fandom; when drarry grabs you, it grabs hard, eh? i wrote 51 fics this year and there’s still time for more 😬

picking my top five is hard! i already went a little too into my feelings about what are probably my automatic first choices here and here, so i’m going to exclude those from this list!

i always make the ‘i love all my children equally’ joke from arrested development about my fic, but for the most part i’m really telling the truth—i know not all my fics are incredible or excellent, but i put time and effort into all of them, and even the not as good ones are part of my journey as a writer, because i really feel i’ve improved by leaps and bounds this year. i’ve certainly gotten better at producing a quality fic at the eleventh hour, haha.

honestly though, there absolutely are some fics that are a little closer to my heart (besides the two mentioned in the links above), so i’m going to attempt to narrow that down into five!

in no particular order:

the best kind of bad: this was an expansion of a discord drabble, and is my first attempt at writing first-person, ever! it also was a bit of a tone shift from my previous efforts up to this point—a little darker, a little ambiguous, less focus on humor and snappy banter and more on making the atmosphere match the vibes i was going for. this was my first more ‘open ending’ fic that doesn’t answer all the questions it put forth, and i definitely have taken that and run with it in the intervening months!

push and pull you down: so i think by now everyone in the drarry fandom knows about this gifset, right? of course when a fest all about inspiration from gifs and images came out i had to use this one! i’ve always loved the idea of a totally unredeemed draco who isn’t trying to be nice and conform to post-war life, a draco who still uses his money and his name to get his way no matter what. and what better exemplifies that than drug-peddling and sex on potions? i also have a lot of thoughts about harry as an auror—i love writing him as confident and competent, of course, but equally do i enjoy writing him questioning himself and wondering if maybe this path isn’t for him after all. also, smoking is sexy and that’s that on that.

in knots: so, full disclosure; i didn’t like this one at all when i first wrote and posted it. it was kinktober and here i was writing a sad, strange little fic about PTSD and living up to our legacies and how our images of ourselves are based so much on our parents, and the adults in our lives, and the things we were told as children. what the fuck is that doing in the middle of all the relatively hot smut i wrote? but, up it went, and when i re-read it the next day, i completely changed my tune. it’s rough, sure—all of my kinktober things are as they’re not edited at all, but this one has probably more feelings per capita than almost anything else i’ve written, and it got right to the heart of a lot of the character motivations that i have in my head when i write these two, but don’t always articulate.

in His name: ahhhhh man. okay. so this one really, really got away from me as you can tell by the word count. i didn’t edit or revise any of my kinktober fics before posting them, but this one i spent a lot of time researching first, and i’m thrilled with how it came out. as someone who grew up watching buffy and had a long-time love affair with supernatural, writing something with sexy demonic possession has always been on my wish list, but it’s not exactly a common thing to work into the harry potter universe! i got to sprinkle this fic with all of my favorite tropes and i think i managed to maintain the intensity of the fic throughout the whole thing, even though it’s so dang long haha.

in charge: so anybody who’s read my writing knows that i have a pretty particular style of draco and harry that i write. even if i adjust their personalities, there are some core tenets that remain. i went a totally different route for them with this one, and i love how it turned out. forcing myself to step back and throw away everything i’m used to for characterization was so, so fun, and this dynamic and vibe is just so tasty that i may have to come back to it!

and yes, three of the five of these are from kinktober. i found that having to come up with new ideas every single day really stretched my writer muscles and forced me to go outside my comfort zone in so many ways; it was a challenge to not just write the same exact scenario with a cut-and-paste kink for the smut, but at the risk of sounding self-aggrandizing, i really think i achieved that, and i’m quite proud of everything i wrote that month. it made me a better writer and i highly recommend that everyone participate in something like this if they’re able!

and hey would you look at that—you’ll get the chance! i’m going to take this opportunity to link to @hpkinkuary, which will be a list of 28 kink prompts i’ll be posting in mid-january and hosting throughout the month of february! there will be an ao3 collection and some very pretty graphics that i’ve yet to make, and there are no rules or participation requirements, so if you feel like you might want to give it a shot go ahead and give that account a follow!

i’m tagging @tackytigerfic, @dracoladon, @shealwaysreads, @maesterchill, @p1013, @quicksilvermaid, @pineau-noir, @peachpety, and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it; make sure you tag me in it so i can see your replies!!

[yoon-kooks]

Tie Me Up

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Fluff & Agust D

Summary: While planning the promotional shoot for Agust D’s second mixtape, you’re visited by the man himself who seems to have a lot of ideas for a “baddie” aesthetic. One suggestion in particular sounds a bit risky, but somehow you’re tempted.

Word Count: 1.3k

Warning: Yoongi may or may not have a bondage kink

A/N: i know what the title says but this is straight fluff, fam :^)

-

As the countdown begins for Agust D’s return, it’s up to you, BigHit’s resident art director, to make preparations for the photoshoot and music video. After playing the mixtape on repeat for the past few days, you’ve come to the conclusion that the visuals need to be bold, in your face, and for lack of a better word, badass.

The only problem is that you know Yoongi. You know how he likes to present himself as the hardcore underground rapper that he is. And you know his Agust D persona is quite raw and outspoken. But more than that, you know that Min Yoongi is actually a softie. Especially around you for some reason.

You’ve seen and experienced it with your own eyes. Because whenever he casually drops by the art department of the BigHit building, he always makes up some pathetic excuse about “enlisting your help for a personal art project” or “needing a change of scenery” just to visit you. And then he’ll just sit there, working next to you on the spare desk that somehow became his second office. He even goes out of his way to buy your favorite dessert “for himself,” only to share half of it with you on late nights in the office.

With the knowledge that Yoongi’s that soft, you struggle to envision him as the badass that Agust D is supposed to be. If only he weren’t so dang cute all the time.

“Fucking Yoongi,” you mumble to yourself as you study photos of the shooting location and several props to spark any sort of inspiration.

“Y/N.” You look up from your computer screen at the boy you’d just cursed out. “I can hear you, you know.”

“What brings you here today, Min Yoongi?” you ignore his comment.

“Ah, me? I just needed a change of scenery,” he shrugs with a whole ass keyboard in hands. “Helps the creative juices flow better.”

“You used that excuse like two days ago. Try harder,” you tilt your head.

“Oh, I did?” he ruffles his hair.

“No, I’m just fucking with you,” you crack into a giggle. “You did say it last week, though.”

“Oh, so you’re keeping count?”

“You could say that.”

“Anyway, I just thought I might as well stop by to make sure you’re not goofing off, young art director.” He makes himself comfortable on the spare desk beside yours. “How’s the planning going?”

“The most goofing off I’ve done all day is bickering with you,” you pinch the rapper’s cheek because that’s just what your fingers do. “As for the planning, it requires a big brain to make someone like you look badass.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he narrows his eyes at you. “Doesn’t it help that I’m naturally scary?”

You blink at the “scary” boy without answering his question. Then an idea pops into mind. “Want to help me plan? It is your music video after all.”

Yoongi nearly shoves his keyboard off the desk. “Sure.”

You turn your screen towards the boy to fill him in on the details. “So what I’m thinking so far is to have some fire involved…you mentioned Bang PD, so maybe like a cameo from him… oh, and it’d be cool if you had an eye scar like Kakashi.”

“Who’s Kakashi?”

“I was also thinking of inviting Seokjin and Jungkook to make a brief appearance?” you continue, again without answering his question.

“Yeah, maybe it’s better not to,” Yoongi sighs. “You know how those two are. They’ll probably just start fighting each other for the hell of it.”

“It would be good to have some of your friends on set to support you, though.”

“Are you saying you’re not a friend who will support me?”

“You know I’ll support you, Silly,” you chuckle. In addition to being a softie, Min Yoongi is also a funny guy.

“Right, right,” he says as one of the sample props catches his eye. “What were you planning on using the rope for?”

“Oh that… You know how Bruno Mars uses a rope to drag a piano around in that one music video? I was thinking something along those lines, but like with something to symbolize your achievements.” You start gesturing as though you’re playing charades. “It’ll be like ‘I had to work my ass off for this motherfucker.’”

“Interesting. I like that,” Yoongi nods, casually picking up the rope. “Or, what if we tied me up?”

“What.”

“Wouldn’t that be kinda badass?”

You attempt to envision a soft Yoongi all tangled in rope, but it’s a little too much for you to process. “Maybe it’s not best to broadcast your bondage kink to the entire world.”

“It’s not a kink, it’s an aesthetic.”

“Right,” you roll your eyes. “It’ll make you look like a real baddie, Yoongi.”

As soon as you snatch the rope out of the boy’s hands, he offers up his wrists to you. But all you can do is stand and stare, wondering if he’s legitimately serious about the bondage kink.

It takes a good minute or so, but Yoongi finally budges. However, you’re caught off guard when his hands wrap around yours—not that you’re complaining. If there’s one thing that you’re weak to about Yoongi, it’s when he completely breaks down his “scary” front and goes full soft boy on you. You’re not sure what triggered the handholding all of a sudden, but you’ll take what you can get.

“I still think it’s a good idea, yeah?” He tilts his head at you with a slight pout. A pout!

Aha, you see what’s going on.

“I’m not going to let your adorable face sway me, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Yoongi drops your hands and sighs. “I don’t get why you always think I’m cute.”

“Because that’s just what you are,” is what you want to scream. You swear the boy drives you crazy sometimes. “It doesn’t matter what I think, Yoongi. You are what you are.” It’s not an opinion. It’s a fact.

“So no rope?” he blinks at you with that pout again. Stay strong, Y/N.

“Fine, we can try the rope if it makes you happy…” It’s your turn to pout. His cuteness always wins. It’s too powerful. Even more powerful than Agust D himself.

As you fumble around with the rope to get it around the boy’s wrists and body, he has the audacity to snicker.

“What?” You shoot him a look. You’ve never seen someone so delighted to be tied up. Then again, bondage isn’t really your area of expertise.

“Nothing,” he hums.

“You know, if someone walks in right now, they’ll get the wrong idea.” You tie a neat bow at the small of Yoongi’s back.

“I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”

“You seem to care when I think you’re cute.”

“You’re different.”

“Is that so?” you giggle, backing up to get a full view sample photo of the tied up boy. You honestly don’t get the appeal. He just looks like a bigger dork than he already was. Then again, you are pretty smitten for that adorable dorky side of his.

“Did it work?” He waddles over to you in the restraints. You show him the photo and he nods in approval. “What do you think?”

“I think you’re the biggest dork ever, Yoongi,” you tease.

“You’re not affected at all by this?” He tries to lift his wrists.

“I’ll admit you’re right about it fitting the Agust D aesthetic. I can respect it to that effect,” you try to keep it professional for 0.2 seconds. “But on a personal level, I can’t unsee how dang soft you are.”

“I’m not soft,” says the soft boy as you untangle him from the rope.

“Right, and you’re not going to treat me to my favorite dessert after this.”

“I’m not?” The first thing the boy does when his wrists are free is take your hand once more. “Because I’m headed there right now if you want to tag along.”

You smile, shake your head, but follow him nonetheless. You’ve proven your case. The world may see and fall for the hardcore badass in Agust D all tied up with scars and shit, but you’ve fallen long ago for the dork who simply hangs with you for a nice change of scenery.