#it shows so much better how compatible people from different cultures can be

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Exactly👏 Some stereotypes can kinda hold true but always to an extent, and most stereotypes get taken very literally and erase all the nuance from what people are actually like. Good rep comes when you can see all the nuances and all that a country has to offer, so when the pressure isn't on one person to uphold a standard they can just be themselves, the most authentic form of representation there is

Jungryeok being an extrovert is so funny to me because in the west there's a bit of a stereotype of Koreans being very shy and quiet (Acau and Tina sometimes fit this but I'd argue its cause of nervousness and them being put next to Latines who are literally Extrovert Supreme) and then here comes the new guy with a steel chair and a voice level that can rival Tubbo calling the creator of the server trash and doing kickflips with Baghera two minutes after meeting her

[divinesangel]

— 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞'𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

pm me for an affordable, in-depth personal or soulmate reading! ko-fi.com/solreads

— 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

one of the main things they will like about you is how happy you will make your soulmate. i feel like the happiness that person will feel because of you will be noticed by a lot of people, not only their family or you, but also their friends and simply people who know them will notice that there was a change in that person and how they have become someone totally different from the person they knew some time ago. i feel like their family will have an opinion at first about you that will later turn into something better and more stable. i feel like at first they may see you as someone very new and they may feel that curiosity towards you, they will want to know more about you, about your customs, about everything. i feel like this may be because maybe your soulmate is from another country or from a culture different from yours and that may make their family curious about you. it's not that they won't like you, but they will want to see if there can be compatibility between all of you. i feel like the best way to put it or to define it would be with the word curiosity or intrigue. however, i feel like from the first moment you will notice that they are quite friendly and that they will be offering you a lot of things. probably when you arrive at their house for the first time they will start putting a lot of food for you. they will put a lot of food in front of you or want you to eat well. they will probably offer to go out with you somewhere or make plans with you. i feel like they will be very welcoming and will work on making you feel at home because in the end you will all end up being family. so not only you will be the only one making an effort and putting in your part but their family too despite that initial curiosity and unfamiliarity they may have. maybe you'll notice that they may be a little more reserved at first and that the first conversations are more formal than friendly. but that's something that disappears over time. it's basically a matter of time and getting to know you a little better. i feel like as i said before your relationship with their family is going to change quite a bit because they may initially have that initial resistance or resist the changes a little. but gradually they will appreciate more your charisma and how well you handle yourself. it could also be that at first you are a little more shy and that makes them think that you will always be like that. but they will realize that you really have a lot of potential and a lot of passion for everything you do. any obstacle or challenge that you think you might have you will overcome victoriously. so you have nothing to worry about. in the end i see that their family will feel very comfortable with you and they will probably be the type of people to want to brag about you to other people, to other relatives or to other friends they have. they will see you as their lucky charm and as someone who brings a lot of vitality and enthusiasm to the life of your soulmate.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

i feel like from the start they'll notice that you're a reserved person. you'll have this vibe about you that they'll pick up on, making them feel like you're somewhat reserved, not showing much of how you feel, or simply not being very open from the get-go. i feel like this might confuse some people in their family, and they might sometimes wonder if you're compatible or things like that. i think the most important thing for them is knowing that you connect well with your soulmate and that you can understand each other in every way, especially emotionally. however, i see here that after a couple of weeks or some time in general, you'll be connecting quite well, and they'll realize that you're genuinely a good fit for them. i feel like they might feel a bit bad for judging so quickly at first and will try to go the extra mile for you so you don't feel excluded or anything. i also feel like they'll be realizing that your reserved or shy energy is linked to your personality or simply the fact that meeting their family is a pretty big deal.

i think initially they might have had a different impression of you, but they'll soon realize that your reserved demeanor stemmed from feeling unsure of how to act around them. it's clear that the dynamic is different for you, considering they're family. understandably, you might feel more cautious about what to say or how to behave. however, as they witness the undeniable connection between you and your soulmate, they'll swiftly begin to include you as one of their own. the bond you share with your partner will be unmistakable from the start, showcasing your compatibility and similarities. it seems like your soulmate may have two siblings or two significant family members who hold great importance to them, and vice versa. these individuals will extend their support and protection to you wholeheartedly, recognizing your value to their loved one. they'll make sure you feel cherished and supported in every aspect, whether it's emotional, material, or financial. over time, you'll all grow close and form a strong, united bond.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

their family will accept you from the very first moment. they're going to be welcoming you and will try to make you feel like their home is your home and make you feel as accepted as possible. they're going to appreciate you a lot and admire the stability you bring not only to their home and the environment that you create, but also the stability you bring to your person. i feel like there could be a bit of hesitation or discontent from one of you, so either you or their family, because there could be a difference in their perspectives, or maybe there could be certain things about their family that you don't quite understand that well. it could be that maybe the family dynamics are different from what you're used to and that could make you feel a bit hesitant or make you have some questions of how things work around there. besides that, i feel like there's going to be a period of adjustment that you'll have to go through with their family and perhaps you might have to get used to the type of lifestyle that they have or the energy that they exude.

i feel like there could be certain times where you might feel like you have to meet some expectations, even if they don't say anything or let you know anything of that. it's just that you're going to be getting that feeling of maybe having to meet certain desires or expectations and fulfill certain roles in your soulmate's life. so there could be that uncertainty energy from you because you want to make them happy and you want them to really consider you someone of the family and for them to love you from the very beginning. so you could have these thoughts of changing yourself in order to fit their family or do certain things in order for them to see you much better than they really are. but in reality, you don't have to do any of this. i feel like this is just something that you're going to be thinking and it's not necessarily going to be the truth because they're going to be accepting you from the very beginning and i don't see that you have to do much more than that. on the other hand, i also feel like they will see you as someone who has gone through several transformations, and i'm pretty sure that there will be a conversation on this, and it's very likely that you will have to talk about your struggles at some point, and basically let them know of maybe past experiences, or just things that have happened to you throughout your life that have made you the person you are today, or the person you will be by the time you get to meet their family. and in their mind, they're going to see you as someone who is very authentic, and someone who has always shined despite the obstacles or the challenges. because of this, they're going to have your respect and admiration in the end. so i feel like this connection that you will have with their family is going to be very transformative, and it's like it's always going to be evolving.

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 !

hi! it's daphne here.

i'm currently offering personal readings for €5 and soulmate readings for €10 so don't hesitate to send me a private message if you're interested!

thank you for being here!

[roseofbabboo]

Seeing people yell and scream about zutara never makes sense to me because disregarding compatibility between characters in a ship just because you don't like it is almost disrespectful to the character itself. Separately, the ships do make sense in some fashion.

Katara is a complex, intelligent, feminist character who does not sacrifice her emotions for her strength. Inequality ultimately frustrates her to the point of risking herself and the overall mission of bringing the Avatar to take down Ozai to become a temporary vigilante because she cannot stand by and let people be mistreated. Her emotions do not hinder her ability to fight or remain strong in planning, healing, or battling. I would in fact argue that the emotional side she holds dearly makes her even stronger. Between learning bloodbending (a skill she swore she wouldn't use and later used due to her rage for avenging her mother) and nurturing the entire group through the desert without knowing if they would survive, Katara's emotional control is insane.

Aang is a talented child who had to speed through his grief of losing his people and culture while having to master elements within 1/10th of a timespan that his predecessors have been required to in order to stop the world from ending. The very thing he feared the most of having to hurry and grow up became a reality to an unbelievable extent. He's had to build an entirely new life and grapple with the changes of what is now history, all while planning how to make the world a better place without sacrificing his values. Growing up so quickly without the original support system that once existed and plotting the demise of a complete stranger takes a toll on someone who hasn't even been consciously alive for that long. The world is no longer built for airbenders, having been killed off for over a century, and to somehow hold those customs and practices to the point where they can be carried onto the next generation takes skill.

Zuko is a character who had to earn his talent. He never started out being good at things, he was never written as a prodigy who was different than all the other kids because of how 'good' he was at any activity. His greatest 'weakness' according to his family is how much he cares and shows it, before his father disfigured him for standing up for the soldiers being sacrificed. All he's ever ached for is to be a part of his own family and take his place on the throne, and he's willing to hunt down what is essentially a god to the world of ATLA in order to get those results. Not only does he capture him a multitude of times through hard work, dedication, and intense training (albeit, he did not succeed at keeping Aang captured), but Zuko ends up battling that ability to care, and has to choose between having the approval of his family and nation, and doing what's right. To have a character who turns a full 180 with his morals and ethics, and have him work for it tooth and nail... it's no wonder he's as angsty and emotional as he is.

Aang and Katara are most certainly a pair that can make sense, they nurture one another and believe in the good of the world. They have similar interests, they share a similar sense of humor, they've built up a slow burning chemistry for months and over time they became attached at the hip. Katara teaches Aang a lot about himself, he grows as a character when she is in the mix. To have an immediate support when he thaws from the ice is a blessing for Aang, and in having that support, the two can share their ethics and beliefs to bring forth a new generation of airbenders.

Katara and Zuko, however, have immediate chemistry without the slow burn. Their opposite elements make for dynamic growth through combat. Neither of them start out as great benders, they had to earn their fighting styles and talents. The loss of people they love brings them together despite the different upbringings, putting a new perspective of the war into each of their lives. In the catacombs, with barely two minutes of dialogue, there's a magnetic sense that the two understand each other, and that the care they display for others is similar despite being on two opposite ends of a spectrum. Katara learns that not all firebenders are monsters that only seek to eliminate, Zuko learns that the goodness that he's fought against in order to gain approval is his true calling. Their growth together while being opposite personalities has potential to allow both parties to bring peace for the world into fruition without losing pieces of themselves.

Immediately dismissing either ship as being unhealthy or toxic without acknowledging that there is a foundation in each feels like it doesn't need to be addressed, but here we are.

I personally adore zutara, but I won't come for someone's head if they don't??? Grow up???

[orangepanic]

Hey Orange! What are some of your favorite Irosami headcanons? Please share. ^.^

Thanks for the ask! Though this is quite the question since I've got about a billion headcanons for these two. But considering they don't speak to each other in the show, Asami is somewhat underdeveloped as a character (especially in later seasons), and Iroh has all of 2 minutes of screen time, the majority of their relationship is based on headcanons. So here are a few things that I like that I think are fundamental to my understanding of why this relationship works.

Iroh being a nerd: We all know Asami is a nerd. A pretty, successful, socially well-adjusted nerd, but a nerd all the same. So, her compatibility with Iroh is largely based on my belief that he, too, is a gigantic nerd. He reads tons of history and studies old languages and when he can't think of anything to do he often picks up a book. He enjoys puzzles and pai sho. He likes solving problems and gets irritated when he can't. More than any of this he's a thinker, an intellectual, and even with slightly different interests I can see him and Asami connecting well in the idea space. It's why one of my most common starts to their relationship is working together on Republic City reconstruction. I want them both to nerd out about traffic signals and then kiss.

Asami being in touch with her baggage: Asami goes through a lot of shit in LOK that seems to bounce off her like teflon. Death, danger, betrayal, responsibility, loneliness. In canon she's barely affected. But in a relationship with Iroh I think these events have more of an impact. She expects anyone after Mako to leave her, so Iroh has to put in the work to convince her that he won't. His ability to do that is I think one of the reasons they work so well as a pair. Iroh is as dedicated in love as he is in everything else, and after everything that's happened to her Asami needs a partner who will well and truly put her first. He exudes steadiness and loyalty.

Putting others first: One of the things I love about this pair is how selfless they both are and I think this forms the backbone of their relationship. On screen they both risk death to protect others and are the quick problem-solvers in the group working to figure out how best to do so. Iroh runs to the top of the tallest tower, making himself a target in order to get a better shot at the planes. Asami flies a biplane against a hoard of dark spirits when she really has no business in the water tribe civil war at all. Putting themselves in harm's way for the greater good is in both their DNA, and I also think they'd bring this to a relationship in a way that's important. These are two people who spend so much time taking care of others that nobody takes care of them - but what if they did this for each other? They're the kind of couple who can look at one another and say "I'd die for you" and mean it but when no death is required this turns into "I'll make dinner even though it's not my turn because you're tired" and "you look like you need a back rub" and quite a lot of very generous sex that's focused on the other person's pleasure. I want this for them. They deserve it.

Foodies: For no reason in particular I think both Asami and Iroh are insufferable foodies. They grew up rich. They're still rich. Asami spits out Gommu's trash soup. So they can and do afford to be choosy. I love this headcanon for them because it allows them to go on all kinds of fun dates, from fancy restaurants to exotic street food to delicious hole-in-the-wall joints to new openings around town. I think arts and culture are a big part of their lives, too, and imagine them balancing work and quiet time with a vibrant city life of restaurants and plays and gallery openings. It's also why I almost always keep them in Republic City. I think they'd both love the multicultural aspects of such a melting pot of a city as opposed to palace life in the Fire Nation.

[aspd-culture]

@brandon666

First off, you have some *really* inaccurate ideas of what ASPD is. Do you think we can survive in the world acting like you expect me to act? Far more often, pwASPD appear detached and callous rather than actively hostile the way you're saying. We aren't 12 year old kids on Xbox Live voice chat, * s p o o k y voice* we are all around you. You wouldn't be able to pick most of us out of a crowd, even if you had direct interaction with us. In fact, a running joke here and in my real life is that people often tell pwASPD "don't worry, I can sniff out a s*ciop*th a mile away" or similar not realizing they're talking shit about us to our face.

There *are* pwASPD who are still entirely valid who act the way you're saying - and also plenty of prosocials who behave like that too. But it isn't all of us, all the time. Most of us are capable of and maybe even prefer to be cool, calm, and calculated about how we speak and act because of the trauma we have.

Unlike people on TV like Dr. House, there are real life consequences to the behavior you describe, and many of us strive not to be happy, but for life to be as convenient as possible. Kinda hard to get convenience while you're pissing everyone off. Ever heard the part of ASPD where they mention we are manipulative and charismatic? Yeah that isn't exactly compatible with being crass, careless, pranking, or offensive. Careless actually specifically bothers me because we are often said to "play a social chess game" with people we talk to. Many of us are extremely calculating and overly cautious. And many of us aren't, but it certainly isn't like you're saying all the time. Even pwASPD who *do* act like that usually are calm and "respectful" sometimes.

Also, I never claimed to be unmasked on this blog. Most of the time, I am absolutely masking to some degree - although much less than IRL. You can actually see that in the tags, I use "a rare unmasked aspd-culture" as a joke about this fact. Whilst this is a safe place for other pwASPD to unmask if they'd like, my posts on this blog are different. My side of this is helping educate people - prosocial, antisocial, whoever - if/when they have questions for me about ASPD which is fairly frequent. This isn't to say I am not ok with unmasking here, like I said it's happened before, but consider the context of what's happening.

I'm often asked genuine questions about ASPD, some of which are ableist (almost always on accident!) and many of which are based on extremely common misconceptions. If I were to unmask while answering those, I would end up being really shitty to people who are trying to learn - often people who want to do better for the pwASPD in their life, or for themselves. We talk about coping mechanisms and the development of ASPD a lot here; with those topics there is little room for my unmasked behavior *and* education. If I were to unmask while answering, no one would be getting anything out of asking those questions even if I was providing info because it's hard to take in new information from someone when they're being defensive or hostile.

I don't want to be hostile towards them, I want to help because if ASPD is ever going to be destigmatized, someone has got to answer their questions and help show them what it is and what it isn't! We can't expect prosocials to fend for themselves in the cesspool of stigma that the typical google results on ASPD show - someone has to help them. And since one of my special interests (something autistic ppl like myself have and love to infodump about) is mental health, especially my own disorders, I am happy to be one of the people they can ask these sometimes tough questions to.

I am also helping pwASPD! Many questions I get are people trying to understand their own disorder or the disorder they think they might have. It sucked for me, learning this all on my own (and I'm still learning too), so I can use the cognitive empathy I've taught myself over the years and remember the feelings I went through when I was trying to find unbiased info.

There's a transaction here - a major part of ASPD if you didn't know - I calmly and respectfully answer people's questions, and the world becomes slightly less ignorant and we get a slight amount of progress on destigmatizing this disorder. That makes my life easier too. In the process, I see many culture asks that remind me I'm not alone in this. Often, posting those gives me some catharsis, and you will sometimes see me going off in the tags about what I've dealt with. But for the most part, I'm giving other pwASPD an open space to unmask as well as to ask questions to someone who will, 95% of the time, give a masked and respectful answer. Friendly is a stretch tho lol unless you missed the original post about the syscourse that you commented this on.

So yeah, long and short, you're definitely missing something here and that's ok. Just learn and do better. I know you might see that as another thing that is flying in the face of ASPD or whatever, but it's no skin off my back if you think I have ASPD or not, and anyway I'd rather you just learn and maybe next time someone says something like that to/around you about ASPD, you'll have the knowledge to correct it. Spreading info is an exponential situation - once I tell you guys things, some of you will inevitably tell someone else that, and so on and so forth until a good handful of people now know things about ASPD they didn't before. If not, oh well. I got to infodump and see relatable posts that made me feel seen.

Either way, it's been, and hopefully will continue to be, a net positive. You are absolutely welcome to keep this dialogue going if you have questions, want clarification, are enraged that I gave you a calm response, whichever. Even if you don't get anything out of this, someone else seeing it might.

I'll really fuck with you now - I genuinely hope you have a good day.

[tartheanmaid]

Can I ask why you ship Jon and Sansa? (I'm assuming that's what the Jonsa means in your bio) Not attacking you or anything just curious. They are half siblings and while Jon was a bit separated due to him being the bastard they still were raised together and he's much older. Ik incest and weird relationships is normal in GOT but still

i’m not much involved in the show fandom anymore, but going by medieval and asoiaf/book lore, jonsa isn’t incest. i can direct you to much more lovely people who could explain this way better if you like, but they aren’t half-siblings. ned is not jon’s father, rhaegar is. jon is lyanna’s son (ned’s sister).

westeros is very culturally against incest in all forms, but their definition of it is quite different from the modern world’s. i’m the kind of person who, when i engage in a piece of media, i try to do it through the lens of someone who would actually live there. that is why i don’t consider jonsa incest, because in westeros cousin marriage is not only accepted but extremely common. lysa, sansa’s aunt, wished to marry sansa to her cousin/lysa’s son sweetrobin. additionally, ned, lyanna, brandon, and benjen’s parents (the starklings paternal grandparents), were first cousins.

the only kinds of incest westeros and essos condemn are sibling/sibling, aunt/nephew, mother/son, and father/daughter.

i believe george intentionally didn’t make them interact at all in the chapters where they’re both in the same location. i also believe it is sansa, not arya or jeyne poole or alys karstark who is the girl in grey.

why do i ship them in a general sense? 1. i believe they are compatible and would work well together as a couple based on their own internal wants and feelings about love and marriage.* 2. if sansa is to hold some sort of northern leadership, she must marry a man who is willing to give up all of his titles + name for her so that they may continue house stark. jon is the perfect fit for that in my opinion ( @istumpysk has a great meta on this titled “find sansa’s husband”).

* “Sansa, two years older, drew the crown prince, Joffrey Baratheon. He was twelve, younger than Jon or Robb, but taller than either, to Jon's vast dismay. Prince Joffrey had his sister's hair and his mother's deep green eyes. A thick tangle of blond curls dripped down past his golden choker and high velvet collar. Sansa looked radiant as she walked beside him, but Jon did not like Joffrey's pouty lips or the bored, disdainful way he looked at Winterfell's Great Hall.” - JON I, AGOT

as for the age gap, that part does make me sort of uneasy, but i do believe george feels the same way about that. which i think is why he tried so hard to make the 5 year gap work (if you’re not familiar, the 5 year gap was a scrapped time jump that was to happen in between ADWD and TWOW). if the 5 year gap had ended up working out, sansa would be around 17/18, and jon around 20/21. their age gap may seem like a lot because of how young they are, but when you age them up just a bit it starts to make a little more sense.

hope this helps! /gen

[bestiptvsolutions26]

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[4emfox]

Statistically Speaking, I'm Not Your Type

It was the evening of July 28, 2016. I’d been sitting in my parked car for two hours, legs against the steering wheel. Staring, thinking. Not hungry, not thirsty — traumatized. There, I found myself a divorced, single parent at 30. Feeling mangled, not by my ex, but by the legal process and the Scarlet Letter of “failed marriage” on my life resume.

I emotionally unraveled from my marriage before it began (but no one teaches you how to back out of a wedding once you send out the Save the Dates). The idea of marriage and what it should look like had been shoved down my throat since infancy. I was raised in the Mormon church and they love marriage (the earlier, the better) and babies (the sooner you start, the better). And they say that marriage takes work. And you stick with the one you choose. And that there’s something wrong with divorced people. And and and…

This led me to marry a Mormon man in the Mormon church due to cultural expectations and perceived need at the tender age of 23. I researched and left the church shortly after (but the “muscle memory” in my brain from making choices and deriving value from the world around me continued to come from Mormon theology for a long time)…

Our relationship was G-rated, at best. We almost never fought…but we also almost never touched.

I had a baby at 26 to fix the emotional distance I was feeling; felt the need to “stay in it for the kid”; decided to go to grad school at 28 — probably in search for that something I felt I was lacking. Then finally, a crack in my brain opened a portal of non-Mormon logic that said, “Your son can’t grow up thinking that this is what a functional relationship looks like.” This led me to make the biggest adult decision I have ever made and ask for divorce at the wee age of 29.

The legal process kept both my ex and myself in Marriage Limbo for more than a year. But I felt divorced the moment I asked for it. In that moment I felt empowered and liberated. Anytime I think about getting into a relationship now, I think of that intense freedom I felt by leaving one and I take eight steps back. I hadn’t felt that way since the moment I left Mormonism. It was my choice, and I was done. I was free. Yet the system said it wasn’t over.

I felt as though I was being dragged through the mud for no reason — a constant wondering about when it’s going to officially end. Like the decision wasn’t mine — this made the finality of my marriage seem very anti-climatic. All the documentation said I was divorced and I went through legal hell to get there. But the long, drawn-out, muddy process made me feel like something bigger and better needed to happen in order for it to be officially officially over.

On the day of our court date, my ex and I cordially sat next to each other and chatted while our attorneys debated for 6 hours. I kept having to cancel work meetings last minute because I truly had no idea it would take that long (ahem…yes, I know many divorce battles can take much, much longer and I’m lucky). I planned to go to work that day — and still showed up at 4pm to save face.

So when it finally came time for us to stand in front of the judge and legally end our union, it felt…unfinished. Like something else needed to happen in order for it to be done done. Like confetti or a balloon drop or trumpets. But none of that happened and I started to process things differently and I felt uncomfortable. I felt the hurt of another person who didn’t want the union to end. I didn’t want the union to end — not because my ex and I were all of a sudden compatible but because no one gets married in hopes that it ends in court. The hope is for the idealized fairy tale ending that doesn’t exist.

There were dozens of other union-endings happening on the same day. My belief around the potential longevity of healthy relationships dying with each gauntlet slam. The weight of it all hit me and I started to tear up…

My attorney noticed, and in a sad gesture to make me feel better after having paid her nearly $10,000 for almost nothing I couldn’t have done myself, she pulled out a pack of orange tic-tacs and said, “Here. Have one. These always make me feel better.”

I felt sick inside. Unimportant. $10k later and an orange tic-tac to show for it.

We approached the stand, the judge quickly scanned our documents. She looked at me and said, “You want to go back to your maiden name?” I said yes. Gauntlet slam. And just like that, I had a new name and the legality of my union was flushed down the toilet.

I didn’t just change my brand. I also shifted away from a toxic Mormon perspective that women are helpmeets to men.

Any meaningful, healthy relationship should be mutually beneficial. Period. And while my ex played video games and intramural sports, I paid bills and grocery shopped and cooked and cleaned and got the oil changed and raised our kid. By the end of our relationship, I was fucking tired.

The outdated adage “woman, make me a sandwich” was gross to me prior to my marriage…but infuriated me after my experience.

Once I’d had a couple of months for some of the failed-relationship PTSD dust to settle, some astute girlfriends of mine decided to throw a divorce party for me — with invites, color coordinated dresses, and everything.

We met at a popular restaurant in our area, ate appetizers, drank, drank some more, then bar-hopped. Alcohol was an unhealthy muse both before and after my divorce. In retrospect, I wish I’d had a Trauma Fairy tell me “do not self-medicate with alcohol” as this added to some mental…discomfort…for a few years.

As I was admiring beautiful men from across the bar, my gay guy-friend and I learned that the two of us had the same taste in men thus he tried to set me up at every bar. After all, I was single. Thankfully Drunk Me still had her wits about her — and she did not see the point of relationships, marriage, or even casual sex (I mean, she was the one cleaning up her own messes and cooking her own meals and saving for her own house. And also owns a piece of Silicon Magic that stays hard and vibrates. Sorry, Mom).

My response was always the same; “You’re probably great but I’m not interested. There are plenty of very beautiful women here — good luck!”

As I continued to drink, I became less aware of my words and tone. And more angered by the notion of “woman, make me a sandwich.”

At the last bar we visited, a culmination of my divorce, gauntlet slams, failed relationships, and douche bags came to a head. Another friend tried to set me up one more time with a friend of hers who was also going through a divorce (because, obvs, divorced people should date divorced people). As much as I hate the overuse of the term, I was triggered. And I wasn’t having it.

I looked at this poor dude and said, “Look. Statistically speaking, I am not your type. I am a liberal, non-religious feminist with stretchmarks and a kid.”

Pause…

“And at the end of the day, I’m not interested unless you can make your own fucking sandwich.”

[hrblusky]

Why HR Manager Should Act as A ‘First Employee’ During This Pandemic 

Do you know that crisis management and business continuity are the top priorities of HR leaders during this outbreak? The words ‘uncertainty’ and ‘business’ usually go hand in hand usually, but it is tremendously increasing due to the existing pandemic situation which is not confined by national, economic and societal borders. In our interconnected and globalized world, the threat is posed to all types of organizations all over the world. Let’s break this bigger pandemic picture into nanoscopic HR challenges such as employee communication, work-family effect, workforce experience, workplace policies, welfare policies etc. A different and interesting perception on people management is awaiting here below. 

Work-Family Effect 

The current health crisis already witnessed the major change of work-environment shift. Each of us knows that work and family roles are incompatible in so many aspects and adjusting to inter-role conflict is one of the major challenges we face every day. The long-term suspension of educational institutes adds up to the complexity in maintaining the balances in the life roles. One way to support our employee in this kind of situation is to provide them with enough ‘informational support’ like local childcare or elderly care options, self-development programs and finally the virtual training opportunities that helps them to adaptable to the current changing roles and requirements. 

Effective Virtual Communication – A New HR Strategy 

Critical communications of the senior management or the leaders should reach every employee of the organization. Transparent communication during tough times like this can influence a positive and motivating attitude among the employees. Modelling the right behaviors virtually through proactive engagement and guidance can help every organization to face the uncertainty challenges. HR management should have a dedicated channel for disseminating information to share the information from authentic sources like WHO and CDC. 

Never ‘Under-Estimate’ The Importance of On-Boarding Experience 

On-boarding is the fundamental element for any employee to feel about their ‘new’ organization. According to the glass door survey, on-boarding experience improves employee retention by 82%. The current virtual on-boarding process has the huge burden on HR leaders to teach the new bees about the hierarchy, familiarization of the company’s culture, mentoring programs based on individual and their performances. As a solution, a new advanced and compatible human resource management tool proves that organizations of all sizes can work effectively through the prevailing distributed staffing model. 

The emergence of innovative HR practices to handle the resources across disciplines to tackle the socio-psychological, physical and technical implications for the employee is undoubtedly unique. Every HR leader need to possess the entrepreneurial skill to leverage and equip themselves in better ways during this outbreak; Despite the limited physical and social interactivity, they need to lead the organization by showing how to best thrive in the current turbulent work environment 

Apart from the above discussed challenges, human resource leaders should also consider revisiting the leave policies, travel and the traditional meeting protocols. That’ why, we at HRBlusky, leading human resource management system in UAE has all the changes that fit the current challenges like effective communication channel, leave management system, attendance management system and much more to boost the employee morale. 

[libraryogre]

I wrote something similar to this... less aboyt unfucking specific ancestries, and more about the philosophies behind racism in RPGs.

So, recently, I've started saying "More Pratchett than Tolkien" to describe my approach to D&D (and other RPGs, but it seems to be more an issue with those who prefer older versions of D&D). But what do I see that as meaning? I've got a few points on this; mostly what I perceive as being the core parts of a "Tolkien" mindset of game worlds, versus a "Pratchett" mindset. Note that I am not ascribing these opinions specifically to JRR Tolkien, but rather than Lord of the Rings is frequently invoked as defense of them. After this, I'll avoid referring to this as "Tolkien" or words derived from that; my statement is pithy, better for a signature than discussion.

1) Racism as a necessary component

One of the primary objections to playing a "humanoid" character is that the character will face insurmountable racism; the 1e DMG says "So unless the player desires a character which will lurk alone somewhere and be hunted by adventurers", before going on to explain that one might want to play a gold dragon, because it can look human, but that no gold dragon would want to do this. The games will often include something like a "Basic Acceptability of Racial Types" table; 1e has one in the PH to cover humans and demi-humans, and the DMG has one to cover most types of humanoids in their interactions with each other; Hackmaster includes it in the PH. With this, it is argued, the game wouldn't be "realistic".

Leaving aside the conception of a world which must, necessarily, include often violent racism, it also shows a lack of imagination, or consideration of the nature of the world presented in D&D and similar games... while many different species live in the world, Good and Evil are real and quantifiable things, and there are gods who can communicate relatively freely with their worshipers on the Prime Material (if they don't live there themselves). A view where violent, unexamined racism can leave one still aligned as "Good" is one that is alien to any understanding of the word "Good" that I have, much less the definition of "Good" as laid out in the 1e DMG. "Basically stated, the tenets of good are human rights, or in the case of AD&D, creature rights. Each creature is entitled to life, relative freedom, and the prospect of happiness. Cruelty and suffering are undesirable." (p 23) How is this compatible with the idea that Good people can freely kill non-combatants of "evil" races?

A particularly evident argument of this is seen in half-orcs (and, in Hackmaster, half-hobgoblins). The 1e PH states that "some one-tenth of orc-human mongrels ore sufficiently non-orcish to pass for human." (p 17). Hackmaster has "Note that even where hobgoblins are acceptable, half-hobgoblins are mistreated and disliked by the locals. Half-hobgoblins share a special bond with half-orcs,alongside whom they are often persecuted as beastly monsters." (HM PH, 31) Despite both being specifically being called out as being non-sterile hybrids, the only consideration is that all half-humanoids will "will always have an human mother and have been born and raised in human lands" and be "The offspring of questionable parentage and violent couplings" (HM PH, 31); none will be, for example, the offspring of a mommy sil-karg and a daddy sil-karg who love each other very much. Hackmaster mentions that "The city of Prompeldia has developed a sizable sil-karg quarter that is threatening to become large enough to count as its own culture." (HM PH, 31). But all will be "The offspring of questionable parentage and violent couplings."

A Pratchett-style view of the game does not pretend that racism does not exist, but rather disputes the idea that it is insurmountable. The dwarves and trolls of Ankh-Morpork do begin with hatred, but they reach an uneasy peace when forced into proximity by the city. Sam Vimes, like many in the city, is riddled with prejudices about non-humans and the undead, but he overcomes them as he deals with them as people. Some of this is inspired by Carrot, the human raised by dwarves, who still considers himself a dwarf in many respects... but also respects all people, learning their names and treating them as citizens, not as trolls or gargoyles.

2) Race as unbending identity

"Humans with pointy ears" is frequently invoked when you have a non-human character who is perceived to act unlike their stereotype, or one of the acceptable range of stereotypes. Are your dwarves "not dwarven enough?" Does he like wine instead of ale? Does he shave his beard? Is he a dagger wielding tunnel rat, instead of a chain-mail clad warrior with an axe? You're playing a short human, not a REAL dwarf.

This also tends to get invoked when dealing with traditionally hostile non-humans. An elf or dwarf might violate their racial alignment, but a good orc? Unheard of. It's argued that it is impossible for any of the "humanoids" to be other than their Monster Manual entries, despite that never really being written anywhere, and several counter-examples, especially from 2nd edition (such as the Monster Mythology deity who prizes his good bugbear converts). Gary Gygax, revered by many old school gamers, even stated "The old addage [sic] about nits making lice applies", referring to noted proponent of genocide John Chivington's statements about Native Americans. As I have argued before, Dungeons and Dragons owes a lot to Westerns, and the attitude towards humanoids in a game tends to mirror the attitude towards Native Americans in contemporary Westerns; in Chato's Land (1973), you have a half-Indian protagonist, while Dances with Wolves (1990) presents the Native Americans as the sympathetic characters.

One objection to having the possibility of non-evil humanoids is the idea that a DM may use these as "gotchas"... "You killed all of these orcs but they were secretly good so now you're all evil!". But this argument fails, in my opinion, as one could also use that as an argument against DMs... "We found a vorpal sword in a crypt guarded by a skeleton with no legs!" It is always possible for a bad DM to make a bad game.

A more Pratchett-style game recognizes that the stereotypes exist, and may be the norm, but they are not the only way characters of that race can be played. Pratchett's dwarves are uniformly male-presenting, with beards and axes and iron boots, with one's actual sex being so concealed that the beginning of a dwarven courtship is "find out if the person is the correct gender." In Feet of Clay, however, we're introduced to Cheri Littlebottom, a dwarf woman who doesn't want that. She wants dresses and jewelry, lipstick and high heels welded to her iron boots. It is noted to be unusual. Other dwarves react with disgust... but it also doesn't make her impossible to exist as a character. Other examples include trolls who join the watch, vampires in the Überwald League of Temperance who abstain from intelligent blood, and golems who buy their freedom to become their own selves.

3) Only certain races are proper.

Some of this ties into the distinctions drawn between humans, demi-humans (elves, dwarves, gnomes, and halflings), semi-humans (half-elves, half-orcs, half-hobgoblins), and humanoids (orcs, goblins, gnolls, etc.). In the older game mindset, players should only be humans, demi-humans, and semi-humans; anything else is too weird or outlandish. For this, I will set aside the humanoids; I feel the objections to them are largely addressed above. This is addressed to what are often seen as the more exotic races... dragonborn, warforged, tabaxi, and the like.

The older mindset tends to describe these are unnecessary. I've even had someone describe the non-evil drow, minotaurs, and other uncommon races described as "played out", as if the dwarves with beards and axes griping at the elves of the forests isn't itself cliche at this point. The small stable of relatively human races is seen as a bonus... provided they don't go outside "appropriate" for their species, that they're human-like is enough. Orcs and humanoids are rejected as above, but there's also examples like Lizardfolk (who have always been Neutral, if cannibals) who are part of the world, but considered too out there for PCs.

The Pratchett-inspired game eschews this; while golems are unusual in Ankh-Morpork, and certainly powerful (more powerful than you might want in a low-level game), Warforged are a similar idea, but rendered playable. Tabaxi represent a different kind of character than "short and resistant to magic in some way". Dragonborn evoke the namesake of the game, again providing a different sort of character to play. That these exist don't invalidate the options to play elves, dwarves, and halflings. A Pratchett-inspired game will have a more cosmopolitan approach to races, both in terms of racism (as above), and in terms of options.

Unfucking Dungeons & Dragons

The concept of some humanoid or near-humanoid species being naturally inclined to evil is a racist one, and, unfortunately, a prevalent one in Dungeons & Dragons, exacerbated by the fact that these “evil species” are frequently the “ugly” ones. Drow are a particularly glaring example - “made black because of their ‘evil’”?! Fuck you - but the duergar - “the slaves … learned only to enslave, really makes you think don’t it” - and the orcs - “they feel the CALL to evil in their Gruumshy HEARTS” - are also super not good. (There’s also a fair degree of ableism, with “insane” monsters - in such cases, I honestly think “unaligned” would be a better description for “too far gone to understand morality”. Evil implies a choice.) Honestly, I wouldn’t mind so much if these weren’t supposed to be naturally-occurring species - always evil demons or fey are fine, because they’re made of magic and stories, although care should of course be taken not to make them look like naturally-occurring species - but elves are really just fragile pointy-eared monkeys, and they have excuses. However, these evil humanoids are also genre staples and often quite aesthetically good. To that end, I offer the Unfucking D&D Guide, which provides what I think are solutions to this problem. (It should be noted that I am whiter than plain yogurt, so my ideas should be taken with a grain of salt and definitely not take precedence over the ideas of non-white folks. If I’ve said something fucked-up in this, please let me know and I’ll fix it.)

Duergar. Keep the “enslaved by illithids, made grim & psionic” bit, toss the “learnt evil from them” part. The duergar are joyless, or can appear so - you can play them either as gloomy and fatalistic or as eccentric and unreasonably concerned with “corruption” - but despite whatever mood they possess, make sure that they are thoroughly dedicated to making sure the horrors of the Underdark stay in the Underdark, and are as righteous and honorable as their hill and mountain cousins.

Derro. The derro are an “insane” species; I bring them up only because I saw them confused with duergar in one post about racism in D&D. Their lore has not been constant - the current lore is “dwarves enslaved by illithids, tortured into madness, and now they’re eeeeeeeevil”, which is ableist, not racist - but their metatextual origin is among the detrimental robots, or Deros, of pulp author Richard Sharpe Shaver’s stories (or possibly delusions). “Born from the dreams of a mad author” would actually be good lore if you can make that author a tragic sufferer of schizophrenia in a time before it was understood rather than an ~*~eViL mAdMaN~*~, but in any event, change their type to construct, fey, or fiend, and, most importantly, don’t take them seriously. The derro are pulp villains, and their evil is grandiose and nonsensical. They ought not to be seen as realistic; they ought to be seen as Snidely Whiplash, Commander Claw, or Heinz Doofenshmirtz. “Reasons” are for other genres.

Drow. Return drow to their mythical roots as trow, nocturnal hunters, tricksters, and magical artisans dwelling in the hollow hills. There’s high and wood elves; dark elves can find a niche. Lolthite culture is good villain fodder, but make sure that you can handle an “evil religion”, and make sure that all types of elves participate.

Goblinoids and trolls. Make them fey, and abandon Tolkien for Rossetti and folktale. Goblins make cruel bargains; hobgoblins attend faerie courts; bugbears hide in closets and create electricity from feed on children’s screams; trolls lurk under bridges and love riddles. As fey, they’re not evil, simply alien and lacking in empathy towards mortals.

Gnolls. If you use the Volo’s lore, change their type to fiend and be done with it. If you want to have them be natural humanoids, go read Ursula Vernon’s Digger for the best-written hyaena-furries in literature and base gnolls off that once you’re done crying.

Kobolds. Kobolds are already draconic cleaner wrasses in lore; there’s no reason that metallic dragons can’t enjoy them as well and influence some populations to good.

Illithids. The mind flayers certainly have great potential as villains. However, there is nothing about their psychology that impels them thither. Their biological requirements could easily be met by feeding on those close to death, whom I might imagine would willingly donate their brains as food or tadpole incubators in exchange for a painless death and the surety that their memories would live on in the illithid. Also, create food and water spells exist.

Ogres. Ogres are wilderness-dwellers who prefer to maintain their personal territories through fear instead of actual force of arms; the idea of the monstrous, anthropophagous ogre is a deliberate sham. They are actually capable of great heroism, even if they aren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the shed and okay to be honest I started out trying to build up to a Shrek joke but I think I’d take this over canon lore.

Orcs. Orcs are an easy fix; all you need to do is remove Gruumsh from the equation and they don’t have a bullshit “call to evil”; in Eberron, without objective gods, the people of the Shadow Marches believe that half-orcs are the proof that orcs and humans are one people, so there’s even in-game precedent for orcs as members of society.

Yuan-ti. There are two ways to do this. One is to dump all the lore and just have sexy snake cults, although don’t dress them like Asian or Aztec stereotypes like a lot of the art does. (The 3.5 Monster Manual yuan-ti pureblood looks like she’s constantly accompanied by an inappropriate bamboo flute riff, I swear to Istus.) A sexy snake cult (and I am including malisons, abominations, and anathemas in the term “sexy”, not just purebloods) should be fun for everyone.

The other way is to keep their personalities and dump everything else, because if you keep that, you get truly excellent villains. I mean, these fuckers. How dare they drag something as pure as snakes into their Ayn Rand bullshit. Villain yuan-ti should be something transformed from willing or deluded humanoids (histachii raise the sacred snakes and the children of the yuan-ti, who possess their parents’ original race at birth). Couple that with the fact that since snakes very definitely have emotions, yuan-ti logically should as well, which means that they only think they’re above emotions. Now you have Objectivists roped into a magical pyramid scheme, which should offend no-one who doesn’t deserve it. You can mourn for the beings they once were, or just laugh in their dumb faces. Also, the sexy ones all look like Ayn Rand.

[neptunes-sol-angel]

📱Love at First Text📱

This is a pick a card reading meant to predict if you'll find someone you're compatible with through online dating, and this will go into depth about the dynamic of your relationship, how it would be if you guys met for the first time, and what the first date would be like. If your pile gets a no, then don't worry, I'll just channel one of your future partners, the dynamic of your relationship, and the first date.

Pick the picture(s) that you're drawn to the most, then scroll down for its corresponding message.

♡ Pile One ♡

Judgement

I'm getting that for this pile, yes, you will get success in finding someone that you're compatible with through online dating. You could've had stingy romantic interests in the past that breadcrumbed you a lot and made it seem like you were asking for time, communication, and dedication in general in showing that they care for you was too much. This person, or these persons were gaslighting you. Connections are a two way street, and partnerships are about complimenting each other and reciprocation, your time and love is so valuable, and you've always had so much to give to your significant others, yet they had no problem just taking it from you, for granted and while leaving you high and dry. If you ever thought the issue was that you weren't worthy enough for their love and that you had to fight in order to get scraps, then that's not true. You were just too much for this person and they couldn't handle that nor did they ever have anything that they could provide for you. They were insecure, hiding behind this arrogance thinking that not acknowledging you would make themselves feel better, but I'm seeing that eventually you put a stop to this and decided to no longer milk yourself dry trying to fill this person's cup and took some time away to heal and refill your own, and I'm so proud of you for that. It's time to put yourself out there again, and give dating apps a chance to find a person that won't play around trying to act like they don't know your worth. I feel like you've made so much progress but still feel a little defeated here and there because the people that hurt you really broke down your confidence, but understand that you ARE the prize, a whole bundle, package, TREASURE CHEST with so much to offer to someone, and there is someone on this earth that can reciprocate that.

The Dynamic

When you connect with this person, this will really highlight how deep your issues with trust is. On another hand, it shows what you've learned in your solitude and the boundaries that you'll place the next time that you get into a relationship. I feel like you're used to drama with people and mistaking their haughtiness as a normal trait to tolerate, this person is more calm and collected, but you may see this as a red flag and assume that they're being nonchalant, so you might discontinue the conversation and think that's the end of it. It might even make you even more discouraged with your journey of hope in ever meeting someone positively meaningful, but this person is going to shock the hell out of you, and swoop you off your feet with the way that they come back and assert that there was miscommunication and seriously leave you astonished with they way that they're actually putting in effort. It's going to be an awakening inside you that feels so warm, because your past partners did such a number on you, that you're in awe when being met. When you guys reconcile with this conversation, you're going to be vulnerable with this person to let them know that you're still hurt from a situation and they're going to understand and let you know that it's okay, because they went through the same thing.

You guys could be culturally different. One is more traditional while the other is modern, both of you are meant to put each other on to new stuff that will challenge your beliefs or enlighten you to things that resonate with your identity better. This doesn't have to be a divine connection, but just know that your ancestors highly approve of you guys being together. You guys really balance each other out even if with your differences, it ironically makes the attraction stronger. You may feel like you're not attractive enough for this person, but little do you know that you absolutely SEDUCE this person with both your personality and your looks, and this could be why they have their guard up too a little bit, because I'm seeing that this person is financially well off. They're not stingy, they're just protective over giving their assets to people who don't deserve it, but once their guard is down with you, they're going to spoil you to death! This connection has so much potential to make it to something long term because you guys are damn near perfect together when it comes to creating a domestic life, this could definitely be the one that you marry and have kids with.

The Date

This is giving me beauty and the beast vibes. I feel like you could've been imagining a lot about what the first date would be. Maybe a fancy dinner date in a nice golden victorian setting, but this isn't why I'm getting beauty and the beast vibes. Don't panic, but the first date won't be anything like that. I feel like somewhere down the line you guys got into a huge argument that turned into a separation that you thought would be an ending, but fate once again is bringing you back together to let you guys know that this relationship is worth taking a chance on. The first date will be made as an apology by either you or them (can be both!). It won't be fancy and reserved, but you won't even care because I see this date being really fun, you guys could go bowling, or a video game arcade like Dave and Buster's or something. It'll be awkward at first, because one or both of you are still pretty tense part what happened, but that's what makes you guys good for each other, because the connection and chemistry will be strong enough that there's nothing that you guys can't work out, as long as you guys communicate with each other. You guys will have a heart to heart conversation and will be so ready to forgive each other because this encounter will make you realize how much you don't want to let each other go. I definitely see this date ending with a kiss. A beautiful union.

**I am open for PAID services such as readings and reiki, you can check them out here ==> 🌌

Before, I gave people the option to tip a minimum of $10.10 for a personal recreation of my pick a card readings, but I realized that it was too complicated so I just added it as an official service on my site!

♡ Pile Two ♡

Judgement

The outcome for this pile is a no, you will not find success through online dating. Now, here's why. I'm getting that you guys are bit lost when it comes to finding what your true taste in partners are. I'm getting a series of disappointments. What you think you might have wanted in a person is not at all what you truly want nor is it healthy for you. I feel like this group has a habit of being drawn to emotionally unavailable people with questionable personalities, it's hard to decipher who these people are as a whole because of their distance with you, but you get attached to them anyway because of your tendency to try to fill in the blanks by creating a version of them that doesn't exist. I feel so much heartbreak in this pile of longing for a solution to your matters with love, but there's this agony, because you don't even know how to pinpoint the problem. The thing with online dating, is that the apps give you the option to choose your partners. I'm getting that there is a lack of experience with finding traits outside of the frogs that you kissed in the past that you feel will work for you. But don't fret, you are not unlovable, so don't give up. The best part is that your person will be coming to you and you won't ever have to chase anyone again because you never needed to in the first place.

The Dynamic

I love this pile because of the outcome and the synchronicities that I'm picking up on. Your future will come to you after a period of healing and a gather of confidence and enough comfort to open your heart again with hardly any fear. You guys could either be in high school, college, or already well off in your career because I'm getting this will happen when you're heavily focused on other areas of your life, I know that sounds like such a cliche, but trust me, it really DOES work out like that. In the past, you could have felt like you weren't desirable but that's far from true, and that love drought that you're experiencing at the moment? Be prepared hun, because I'm seeing that you're actually going to be caught up in a love triangle, where the scenario is you having to choose between two people. I'm strongly channeling Twilight where Bella had to choose between Edward and Jacob because I kid you not, the oracle cards that popped up in this spread was she-wolf and vampire. It sounds exciting on the outside for people not in your shoes, but I see this really overwhelming you, maybe making you feel angst again over the universe sending you something different or crazier than what you asked for. I'm not getting that these two options are bad people, but I do have some specific guidance for this situation. You will strongly have to rely on your intuition on this and going with how you feel, I know because of the past, this could be horrifying for you but you CAN trust yourself. You've did your time and spent so much of it being in alignment and connecting with yourself, getting to know you all over again to know what works and what doesn't. I feel like both of these options are very protective over you, but one could be flighty out of fear of not being enough for you or potentially hurting you, while the other totally simps for you and just wants to give you so much of their love and time. I need to tell you that although, these are not bad partners, it's ok to have standards pile two. Never make anyone feel like you have to lower them to please anyone or feel like you have to ever settle. You do not. What you truly want is out there and meant for you to have. I see you going with the other person, because I feel like you had enough of flighty people, but I feel guided to tell you that you're not wrong for your decision. You strengthen your intuition and ability to make the right choices

for yourself the more that you respect your feelings.

Your Dates with Them

Regardless of who you choose, I see you feeling very protected and warm by them. No more of that coldness that those jerks in the past gave you. These dates will be adventurous and will surprise you and make you feel elated every single time and so blessed with the fact that you're finally being shown the love and adoration that you deserve. I see this creating such a glow in your skin, I feel like this pile has always been bubbly, but the hurdles in receiving love in the past kind of took that from you. But listen, you ARE getting it back, both your power and time by surrendering those that aren't for you and being open to letting the universe do its work. This will truly feel like a happily ever after that your younger self dreamed of, and I love that for you. Hang in there lovebug.

I am open for PAID services such as readings and reiki, you can check them out here ==> 🌌

Before, I gave people the option to tip a minimum of $10.10 for a personal recreation of my pick a card readings, but I realized that it was too complicated so I just added it as an official service on my site!

♡ Pile Three ♡

Judgement

This unexpectedly turned out to be 18+ so here's your warning.

I'm getting a yes for this pile. You will find success in finding someone you're compatible with on a dating app, but this is different. You will definitely find compatibility, but it will mostly be in a sexual aspect. I feel like you're at a point in your life where you just simply don't have the time or space to have anything serious with someone, but I do see you being worried about not getting the most out of your youth. I feel like this pile is in a dry spell. You're craving passionate and fun  rendezvous. New experiences with dating before you settle down, but not just with anyone! You know what you want and the kind of person that you want it from. And you are definitely going to get your wish.

The Dynamic

Someone's mind is going to be blown when it comes to these sexual encounters, at first I thought it would be you, but it's actually the other way around. Heavy bdsm energy here, you could thrive on being dominant and taking the lead in the bedroom, and this person is strongly willing to pass that role over to you. What makes the chemistry here, powerful, is the fact that you feel comfortable expressing your wants and laying down your boundaries, and this person whole heartedly respects it and is content with letting you have that control. They're fascinated by your assertiveness, independence, and your values that they share with you when it comes to having fun. There's never a dull moment with you and you guys understand each other's humor intimately. They love the way that your mind works and your ability to effortlessly please them and you love the way that you can trust them. You don't ever have to worry about this person being deceptive or overstepping your boundaries, like for instance, they'll take extra measures on protection and will never try to conceive with you without your consent. This person completely adores you and you'd never take advantage of that. The respect goes both ways.

The Date

Do I really need to say more? 😂 Every single second that you guys spend with each other IS THE DATE. You'll never be bored with this person.

I am open for PAID services such as readings and reiki, you can check them out here ==> 🌌

Before, I gave people the option to tip a minimum of $10.10 for a personal recreation of my pick a card readings, but I realized that it was too complicated so I just added it as an official service on my site!

♡ Pile Four ♡

Judgement

I got a yes for this group, you will find someone you're compatible with successfully through online dating, but the energy here is so cloudy. I feel like this group is inexperienced in the love department. You may have always longed to be in a relationship but commonly dealt with situations where the love was unrequited or with people who didn't want to give you commitment. You could have also been raised in a strict household to where dating was forbidden. You could feel misunderstood about your situation because everyone looks at your status as where it should be. You could be very young. I'm getting older people around you or even your peers in your age group telling you to be grateful that you're single and to embrace it, which is unfair, because they're speaking from a point of view that you haven't really experienced yet. I'm sorry that your feelings get dismissed by people who aren't in your shoes and I understand how it feels to be impatient with wondering when is something romantic going go ever happen for you. You could even feel discouraged because the options around you are not very good, so this is your greenlight to definitely go for online dating to venture out to find that person that's going to be your match. I already mentioned that you will find success in this, but I'm doubling down on giving you the confidence to try this route.

The Dynamic

There won't be anything that you can't tell each other. This relationship will be emotionally supportive and stable. I feel like this person will be a bit more mature and experienced than you. There will be ups and downs because of it being your first time dating, but you'll be really lucky to encounter your partner because they'll be patient and someone that you can grow with. They will give you space to express your wants and speak up about what you like or don't like, and really make you feel safe because if you're a person that's very apologetic, even apologizing for saying sorry so much, they're going to gently condition you to move past that mindset of feeling like you have to be careful or scared of communicating with not just them but everyone else in your life. This person will really motivate you and make sure that you're loved and cared for and will never make you feel like you're a burden for sharing your feelings. You guys will be an excellent team together, but most importantly, this will be the best start in love for you, because the foundation won't be built on codependency and allow you guys to be independent as you're both complimenting each other as a couple.

The Date

This will take place outdoors, but definitely where water is present. This could be at a beach but I'm also getting this image, of you two spending time together under a gazebo near a lake, maybe going on a ferry, I'm also getting that scene in the little mermaid where Ariel and Eric were on a boat with the song "Kiss the Girl" playing in the background. This person is going to be very attracted to you physically and won't hesitate to reassure that to you.

I am open for PAID services such as readings and reiki, you can check them out here ==> 🌌

Before, I gave people the option to tip a minimum of $10.10 for a personal recreation of my pick a card readings, but I realized that it was too complicated so I just added it as an official service on my site!

[urwelcomeforthis]

Alex’s tattoo shows up the day after she punches Marcus Hinkle.

He had been picking on Kara in the hallway, dangling her math book above her head, taking advantage of his summer growth spurt.

Kara still doesn’t know what possessed Alex – Marcus Hinkle had been a thorn in her side since she had landed on Earth and started school a year ago, but whatever the reason, today was the day Alex couldn’t take anymore.

Eliza had been furious. Jeremiah had been (not so) silently proud.

Kara didn’t know what she had felt, really. Especially not when she asked Alex why, and the older girl had just shrugged and said “You’re my sister. It’s what we do.”

Up until this point being sisters meant fights in the hallway over the bathroom and ignoring each other at the dinner table.

Apparently, things were changing.

Kara is just waking up when she hears Alex’s hushed “What the hell?”

“What is it?” She asks, groggily sitting up and wiping at the sleep in her eyes.

Her sister is holding her forearm up, frantically scrubbing at a spot right in the middle, her eyes frantic.

“I don’t…. I don’t know! It’s like a tattoo but I didn’t get a tattoo! Fuck, Mom is going to kill me.” Alex sounds panicked as she continues scrubbing at the spot, and Kara feels her heartbeat speed up.

“You had a tattoo just appear on your skin?” Kara asks slowly, her mind suddenly far away on a planet that doesn’t exist anymore, in a culture she had been forced to leave behind.

Alex stops scrubbing and looks at Kara with a piercing gaze. “Yeah. It’s some funny symbol too, like the way you used to write before you learned English. Did you do this to me?”

Alex leaps off the bed and crosses the room in two quick strides, arm held out like an accusation.

Kara shrinks in on herself a little but nods. “I think so. I didn’t know it was possible here, but well, on Krypton when your soul mate reveals themselves, a tattoo linking you appears. I should have one too, somewhere, if you do.”

Alex stops dead in her tracks, her eyes wide. “Soul mates? But we’re sisters! That’s so gross!”

Jumping up from the bed, hands held up in surrender Kara hastens to explain further. “No! Not like that, I promise! Back home, people had different kinds of soul mates. Sometimes it was the romantic kind like you talk about here on Earth, but other times it could just be a compatible soul, someone who was meant to be a part of you.”

Alex still looks wary, if not relieved, as she tentatively holds out her arm. “So, what does this mean? What kind of soul mates are we?”

Stepping forward Kara delicately traces the symbols on Alex’s forearm. “It literally means “sister of the soul.” Je shesur. The symbol after it is unique, the way we would know we were linked. If this had happened on Krypton it would mean we were soul sisters. Not from the same parents but family just the same.”

Alex nods. “And here on Earth? What does it mean here?”

“The same thing. At least that’s what it means to me.” Kara refuses to meet Alex’s eyes, not sure she wants to see what waits for her there.

There’s a long minute of silence after Alex takes her arm back. The clearing of her throat brings Kara’s eyes up from their place on the ground.

“Where’s yours?” Alex asks, eyes burning with curiosity.

Kara shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s not on my arms like yours is. It must be hidden. Can you look on my back?”

“Sure.” Alex nods. “Lift up your shirt.”

Kara turns and tugs her shirt up and over her head. It takes a moment, but she hears her sister gasp followed by the feel of fingertips against her left shoulder blade.

“It’s the same as mine.” Alex says reverently, and Kara closes her eyes against the emotion welling up there.

Who would have thought she would get to have this piece of home?

“So, I guess I’m stuck with you. For like, ever, huh?” Alex smiles once Kara has turned back around.

Kara grins back. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Alex shrugs. “Could be worse. But you have to tell Mom about this, because she’ll never believe me, and she is going to be pissed that I have a tattoo.”

“Sure, I can tell Mom.” Kara grins, a piece of her heart settling in place. She hasn’t felt at home on Earth, not really, but at this moment she feels like it isn’t all that bad.

--

The next person to get a tattoo is, interestingly enough, James.

It doesn’t come when they’re dating, or whatever it was that they were doing, no.

It comes after he has revealed himself to be Guardian, and he and Kara have the biggest fight of their friendship.

Kara wakes up the morning after tired, groggy, and more than a little cranky. Its as she’s stripping down to get in the shower that she notices it – the Kryptonese scrawled along the inside of her right bicep.

Throniv Shesur. Protector of the soul.

Kara heaves a deep, deep, sigh and grabs her phone.

She meets James at the DEO, both tentative around each other after the yelling match of the day before.

“So. I woke up with a tattoo. Kryptonese. Any idea what that’s about?” James looks smug, like he’s won some kind of battle with Kara and god, at that moment she wishes they were in the training room and she could just punch him.

“Yeah. I did too. It means “protector of the soul.” She crosses her arms against her chest, desperately trying to hold onto her anger from yesterday but the wide grin on James’ face is making it hard.

“I know. I asked Clark first thing since I figured you’re still pissed at me. He was a little surprised, but he translated it for me.”

“Where’s it at?” Kara asks, still pretending to be upset but truthfully it was hard given the glaring message from home telling her that James was meant to be Guardian. That they were meant to protect each other. Protect others together.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” James says with a waggle of his eyebrows and that’s what finally breaks Kara, a laugh ringing out across the room.

It wasn’t who she expected to have a tattoo, not in this way at least, but if it had to be anyone, she’s glad it’s James.

--

Mon-El doesn’t get a tattoo. Kara wishes she were more disappointed.

--

The last person to get a tattoo is someone Kara had desperately hoped both would and would not get a tattoo.

For a long time, she feared what that tattoo would be, if it were to happen. She feared having to explain it, having to explain herself.

She had checked with Clark a few times, when paranoia would get the better of her.

No, he always told her. Lex did not have a tattoo. They were enemies, yes, but it hadn’t been decided by destiny or fate. It just was.

That mollified Kara because she couldn’t stand it if she and Lena were to become Clark and Lex. She would fight against it, fight against fate to keep it from happening.

And then, well. It kind of happens anyways.

They aren’t enemies, not really. Lena just hates Kara and aims a few Kryptonite cannons at her and tries to mind control the entire planet, but really everyone is allowed a brief lapse of their sensibility, right?

And what matters is she came around, in the end.

It did take time, however, for them to build back to what they once had. It was different now, but in the way that things once broken and fixed usually are.

It was better, if anything.

They were back to shared lunches and dinners, quick breakfasts and coffee breaks. They were back to game nights as partners and movie nights as friends, and the occasional sleepovers as best friends.

Things were finally back to normal, so of course Kara had to go and absolutely, irrevocably, mess it up.

It was Alex’s fault, really.

If she hadn’t said anything, if she hadn’t asked Kara what was up between her and Lena lately, Kara probably never would have stopped to think about it.

She never would have stopped to think about the way her heart sped up when Lena entered a room, or the way her palms got sweaty when they hugged, or the way she just could not stop staring at Lena when she laughed at game nights.

But now she had thought of it and had come to the very scary conclusion that she was in love with her best friend.

Her best friend who didn’t have a tattoo.

She would, after all this time, have a tattoo, the tattoo, if they were meant to be together, right?

Kara mulls it over for weeks. It haunts her. She asks Lena about tattoos, and if she has any.

She learns that yes, in fact Lena does have tattoos and boy howdy one of them is on her lower back and it is seared into the back of her eyes now that she has seen it.

But she doesn’t have any kryptonian tattoos, which is really what Kara was aiming for.

Much like it was Alex’s fault that Kara even realized she was in love, it’s also Alex who reminds Kara of one important detail.

“Well I didn’t get my tattoo until after I punched what’s his face. Maybe you have to tell Lena how you feel and then she’ll get the tattoo.”

Kara feels dumb struck, right there on her own couch, because of course, Alex is right.

The tattoos always come after the person has already revealed themselves.

Then of course comes the true fear: what if she tells Lena and she still doesn’t get a tattoo?

That’s the question she’s mulling over the next night as she and Lena sit on her couch watching some documentary that had been put on Netflix.

Lena looks beautiful, face bare of makeup, hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, glasses slipping down her nose.

She’s eating a piece of pizza, a rare treat after a long week of work, and Kara decides that it doesn’t matter if Lena doesn’t get a tattoo.

She’s hopelessly, desperately in love with the woman and she can’t let a tattoo that may or may not come dictate her life.

“I’m in love with you, you know.” Kara blurts out, like this isn’t a life changing moment, like it’s the easiest thing in the world to say. (It is.)

Lena chokes a little on the bite she was swallowing, her hand coming up to her chest as she sets down the slice.

“Excuse me?”

Kara laughs. She’s never felt more free than in this moment. “I’m in love with you. I just thought you should know.”

Lena looks at her, shock written all over her face. “Oh. I guess that’s good.”

“Just good?” Kara nudges Lena’s thigh with her knee.

Lena shakes her head. “I mean it’s more than good, considering I’m in love with you too.”

“Yeah?” Kara could float up to the moon, she thinks.

Lena smiles, nose crinkled. “Yeah.”

It’s the next morning that Lena calls and asks if Kara can stop by. She has this tattoo she didn’t have yesterday, right on her ribcage, and it looks like it’s Kryptonian.

Kara frantically searches her own body, finding the script on her hip, on the left side.

Zhao Shesur. Love of the soul.

It took them five years to get to this point, but Kara knows, this moment was more than worth the wait.

[wingletblackbird]

Do the people who ship Obi Wan and Padme actually realize how super-problematic that relationship would be (at least if it followed canon and wasn't some AU situation?). I mean seriously. Anakin and Obi-Wan's relationship is seen as brotherly, which essentially means Obi Wan being with Padme would be a kind of incest. Seriously though, he's his best friend and Anakin says he raised him from the age of 9. Obi Wan being with Padme, even in that context would have been the worst kind of betrayal of trust and of their friendship.

I don't think Obi-Wan and Padme are problematic per se, unless of course Padme is committing adultery on Anakin. Yes, that would be a heinous betrayal of Anakin on both their parts. It would be horrible.

It would not, however, be incest in my view, unless you come from a culture that views sister-in-law as equal to being a sister.

If it weren't adultery though, I still don't personally see how Obidala works. I've never been a fan, because I don't think of these two characters as compatible.

Firstly, despite the fanon I've encountered, Obi-Wan and Padme were not close friends. They were friends, yes. They respected each other, yes. But they were not especially close. They hardly ever saw each other. When they did, it was usually about Anakin, which also strained their relationship. Obi-Wan was willing to ignore the relationship between Padme and Anakin, but that doesn't mean he approved of it.

Secondly, even removing Anakin from the picture, I don't see how they work. Anakin and Padme have a lot in common, including a desire to improve the system, change the system, "make things better," etc. Padme is more overtly rebellious than Anakin, but Anakin wants to be a vessel of change too. Obi-Wan is entirely different. Obi-Wan wants to toe the party-line. He wants to follow the rules. He trusts authority pretty implicitly. He thinks if he does so, he will be rewarded for his faith. Think of how he lectures Qui-Gon in TPM. "You would be on the Council!" Padme and Anakin are much more willing to blow past the rules.

Obi-Wan is also very reserved. He's very smooth even. He's the "negotiator." Anakin is not. This is attractive to Padme. She's had quite enough of reserved, and smooth, and even fake in her line of work. Anakin though has a passion to rival her own, and he's not afraid to show it. He is bluntly honest. This is one of the reasons she falls in love with him. Obi-Wan does not have this trait. Padme would not find that attractive.

Basically, I can see them as being good friends. But there's just no chemistry. These are not two people I can ever see myself shipping.

I don't care if other people do though. I completely don't understand it, of course, but what they want to ship is up to them. I honestly couldn't care less. I'm not here to police people. I just want to have fun. *shrug*

[foryoumyheroes]

Otaku

[Bakugou + Todoroki] are in love with the anime character [Name]. 

A/N:  Gender-neutral reader  Crackish?? 

Bakugou Katsuki: 

He’s sort of picky with the genre, be it fantasy, horror, shonen, but his favorite character has to be a super cool, super powerful one. No excuses. 

You know, the type of anime character that’s probably introduced through a silhouette of them posing dramatically with their notorious group whose image is teased throughout the first few episodes/seasons. 

He goes pretty hard for All Might, and he’s definitely the same for your character. 

Reads the manga (but he buys it super secretly, like in a hoodie at night and the cashier probably thinks that they’re being robbed until he brings the entire [Series] collection to the register). Watches the anime the moment it’s broadcasted, reads metas and watches youtube videos that talk about conspiracies/analyses of your character. 

NO ONE CAN KNOW THOUGH. 

He’s taking his anime phase to the grave. 

For some reason gets super aggressive when you’re being flirty or being shipped with another character?? He hates all the scenes that tease any potential romance between you and other characters. asdfgj He’s like, “No one is good enough for [Name]!!! Except for me.” 

He even tries to think up ways he can legitimately square up with them LMAO. Like he wonders how he could defeat your potential S/Os in a fight but y’all are like ,,, anime characters SO WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER LOL 

“Three-sword style?? Tch, I’d fucking blow that bastard to bits.” 

“Who’s this Gaara of the Sand looking ass and why is the author getting so bold.” 

He even tries to think of how well your abilities match up with his own Quirk, this dork. 

THE LENGTHS HE WOULD GO FOR YOU.

If you were a real life person and your dislikes are lets say spicy food or loud, overbearing people, Bakugou would be like, “Tch I’m right, they’re wrong. Shut the fuck up!!!” But if his ultimate wifu/husbando has those dislikes he would be like, “Omg...😳😳 opposites attract...👉👈” 

He honestly tries to be a low-key fan (as in, not be a fan at all to outsiders), but if one day during class Kaminari ends up saying that in [Series], you’re the weakest character in your group/squad, Bakugou would get super angry. 

“Hey, Dunceface!! It’s so fucking obvious that you’re an anime-only fake fan, so don’t talk as if you know shit!” 

Bakugou is those “um actually” ;; fans 

Bakugou is a manga reader, so by the time your introduction scene or Ultimate Attack scene is being aired he becomes super OOC. He’s hyped for it for days, incredibly nervous at how the animators handle the scene. 

By the time he watches it?? 

THE ANIMATION!! THE VOICE ACTING!! YOUR COOLNESS!!! PLS ORA ORA HIM IN THE CHEST!! HE’S BEGGING YOU! IF YOU’RE GOING TO UNISON RAID WITH ANYONE PLS LET IT BE HIM!! 

He’s legitimately sweating buckets by the time the episode is over. A whole-ass fire hazard. 

Probably knows how to play your character theme on the drums. 

Omg but if your character dies/is hinted toward dying/or the most recent chapters ends with a cliffhanger where you’re fatally injured he will become legitimately depressed. 

Like holes himself in his dorm room for a whole day without contacting anyone and with the blinds drawn type of depressed. 

When he comes to class the next day with eye-bags and is slouching and his classmates think that something horrible has happened, it’s probably only Izuku who knows what’s going on. 

He’ll say, “You’re upset about the most recent chapter of [Series], right? I know it must be hard for you right now.” He’ll give Bakugou an officially licensed rubber strap of your character and Bakugou will just ;; cradle it in his hands softly. 

In complete seriousness, your character is probably someone who is strong physically, but publicly rallies for things like, “Failure is fine.” Your character arc would probably explore what it’s like being not good enough or feeling constantly disappointed, so he feels comfort in your character. 

Todoroki Shoto: 

In comparison to Bakugou, he’s probably a more low-key fan unintentionally, but goes just as hard. 

Buys all of the merch, limited-edition or not, has your picture set as his phone lockscreen and homescreen, has a little acrylic charm of you on his phone, follows several fanartists that draw your character on social media. He buys enough merch that his room looks like a glorified shrine. 

It’s canon that he reads manga, but I headcanon that he’s even less picky with his genres and willingly reads things like slice-of-life or shojo all the way to shonen or adult fantasy, so your anime could come from any possible story. 

Your character is probably someone who is sweet and kind but has a traumatic character backstory. 

He probably ends up thinking stuff like, “If [Name] was with me, I would never let them get treated like that.” asdhj he’s a dork too. 

Unironically dramatically quotes you during battle and thinks that it’s still badass because he’s a teenage boy in his anime phase. 

Doesn’t get into debates with people who don’t like your character. He’s like, “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion :)) even though they’re wrong. >:(.” 

If you’re from a sports/competition anime he’ll try to learn all of the rules, and even try it out for himself (if it’s not fighting) but he finds out that he’s... not very good at it. That doesn’t make him any less amazed though! 

If your character is from a different culture with different customs and traditions, he’ll even learn more about them outside of your anime! 

Forces his siblings to watch the anime with him. They don’t necessarily have to, but the Todoroki household has one big TV and he hogs it all the time watching your anime over and over. 

Natsuo is begging him to watch something else and Shoto will just pout angrily from the other side of the couch.( ￣＾￣)

It’s so jarring because he doesn't look or appear like a hardcore anime fan, but sometimes he’ll just butt into conversations randomly and talk about you. 

Like you know those tumblr Naruto posts that talk about it as if it’s some sort of Renaissance literature. That’s Todoroki. 

[”Man, they’re so hot--!” 

“You want to see someone hot?” Todoroki asks with a perfectly straight face, and he’ll just... turn his phone around and show them a picture of an anime character.] 

When his dad tries to set him up with someone else: “You think they’re my type? Do they watch [Series]? Do they know what true friendship is?? Do they understand pining and love the way [Name] does?” 

Endeavor: who the FUCK is [Name]. 

Gets into fanfiction because of your character and series. He’ll just be reading on his phone during break times at school and everyone thinks that he’s being so well-read but he’s just reading pure smut with a straight face. 

Doesn’t mind when you’re shipped with other characters necessarily but he is super picky. If your character is hinted toward a potential romance with another character that’s pretty crass and doesn’t necessarily treat you well but you’re sticking together through the power of friendship, he won’t ship it. 

He’s just like “[Name] would be so much happier with someone else like me.” ://// 

And if your character goes through something traumatic or terrible during the series he’ll be so sad, like soooo sad. :((( Deku would probably be comforting him on the couch in the common room and everyone is concerned because he looks like he’s mourning a lost pet, but it turns out to be over some anime character pshhhsdfh. 

Deku would just be patting his shoulder trying to console him and Todoroki’s just sitting there with a big frown on his face going, [“But they’ve been through so much throughout the anime already...” 

“I know, Todoroki-kun, I know...” 

“The author can’t do that to them... It’s just not fair.”

“I get it,” Midoriya says mournfully.]  

Plot twist: They like the same anime character 

They’ll probably find out when they have to retake the license exam together. 

Todoroki will just take his phone out during off times and Bakugou’s eyes looks over because it’s drawn by the noise but then his head just snaps to the side when he realizes its a little charm of you, like, he’s going to get whiplash from that. 

“What the -- is that [Surname] [Name]?!” 

Like they have never really hung out together before this, so when they both first realize that their favorite character of all time is [Name] they’re left ,, just standing there ,,, pointing at each other like the spiderman meme.

At first they’re both inwardly excited because FINALLY someone cultured and with taste. They spend the entire time talking about your stats, your attacks, your post-timeskip character design, and your personality, and then they delve a little bit deeper and then they realize ,,, oh. 

Bakugou says that you don’t belong with the dumb protagonist, you should be shipped with someone strong, confident and loud, but Todoroki is like noooooo they deserve to be with someone that treats them gently. 

They connect the dots. 

[“Bakugou, you aren’t compatible with [Name]. It says so in their trivia page.” 

“Says you! They won’t want some bland-ass pretty boy! They would want a real man!”] 

They’re such fanboys ;;; they do realize that you aren’t real, right asdfghj?

One day Kaminari and Sero separately invite them to an anime convention, but they both say no and that they have plans or “something better to do” that day. 

Then Bakugou and Todoroki both turn up to the convention at the same place because they both reach for the last limited edition [Name] figure and they just stare at each other wide-eyed (ʘoʘ╬) like that. 

They start verbally fighting each other over the last figure and then physically fighting each other andddd then they get kicked out of the convention. 

Izuku ends up swooping in and getting the last box. 

[whumpster-fire]

His Dark Materials Thoughts: Daemons and Disability / Neurodivergence

More stupid His Dark Materials thoughts and headcanons because I still can’t get over this series.

I’m really curious how various disabilities would interact with having a daemon. I’d guess that for a lot of conditions the daemon could basically fill the role of a service animal, especially if the person had the condition from childhood so they could settle in a form that was capable of helping - e.g. daemons assuming forms with strong senses of smell to check for allergens. And this would probably be true for some neurological conditions where there’s something physically messed up in your brain.

However, I think for neurodivergency, it’s different: if the human is neurodivergent their daemon is neurodivergent as well. And while a human and daemon are “one being,” daemons still have their own personalities and emotional needs.

Using autism as an example because I’m autistic and can speculate based on my own experiences:

Autistic people are usually very close to their daemons, even by the standards of the setting, because while anyone’s daemon inherently understands them better than other people do, the gap is much, much wider for ND people. Real talk, I think I was drawn to this series and the concept of daemons so strongly because the idea of a companion I could fully trust and interact with without the constant fear of breaking some unknown and unspoken rule and who fully empathized with me was something I wanted soooo badly.

A lot more sensory information is “transmitted” between human and daemon than most people notice because the brain tends to filter it out. Autistic people’s brains aren’t as good at filtering out “junk” sensory info though, and this includes what comes through over the bond between them. You can’t actually see through your daemon’s eyes but autistic people tend to feel shared sensations more intensely and pick up on things like smells and textures that a neurotypical brain would tune out (and this works in both directions). This makes autistic people more vulnerable to sensory overload than in our world.

Sometimes only one of the pair is verbal, or at least verbal with others / much more comfortable talking to others. If it’s the human, people tend to not notice because “daemons should be seen and not heard” is kind of the norm in the setting but if the daemon is speaking for the pair most of the time it’s seen as weird. Some autistic people may also be more comfortable talking to other people’s daemons than to the humans, which isn’t technically part of the taboo but it’s pretty frowned upon.

For both tactile-seeking and tactile-defensive people, the daemon’s settled form is often determined by the need for physical affection - either because as they grow into teenagers it becomes less socially acceptable to touch other people as much as they need to, or because the only touch that feels safe for the pair is with each other. A settled form doesn’t always follow the human’s preference, but is always a form the daemon is comfortable with and likes. Daemons settling in forms their human actively hates is rare, and usually means there was already serious conflict between them with the human refusing to accept their nature - i.e. sailors’ daemons usually take seabird forms or mammals like otters or minks that can stray away from the water, settling in a dolphin form was noteworthy for a reason because it’s such a drastic act, and IMO that was probably caused by the human trying to abandon the sea entirely and fighting with his own daemon about it until she was like “Let’s see you take us away from the sea now!”

But anyway: daemons don’t just settle in forms based on symbolism or social convention if it’s going to make both them and their humans miserable and/or mess up their relationship IMO, and usually they show a preference for forms similar to their settled one in the years leading up to settling (e.g. Pantalaimon clearly liked his stoat/ferret and wildcat forms and mostly took other ones for reasons of practicality and convenience, and I said this in another post but I think he became a pine marten because it was the closest he could get to combining the two). If a pre-adolescent human and daemon are super cuddly with each other and that touch is really important to them, the daemon will probably settle in a form that’s compatible with that. It’s rare for autistic daemons to settle as something as small as a mouse where they could only be carefully pet with one or two fingers, for example, and they usually take mammalian or sometimes avian forms.

Brushing a daemon’s fur, and other techniques such as joint compression that are hard for a person to perform on their own body, can help both of the pair calm down and cope with sensory issues.

Unfortunately, given how fucked up the culture in Lyra’s world is, I shudder to imagine how they treat neurodivergent people. I can totally imagine people treating this closeness as the cause of autism and not a symptom, and treating it as a child “being socially impaired because they only interact with their daemon / let their daemon do too much for them and never learn to socialize with other people.” Aside from attempting to cure autism with Intercision, there are probably a bunch of horrible, abusive treatments passed off as “therapy,” like forcing children to do therapy sessions with their daemon trapped on the other side of an opaque, soundproof wall (doesn’t interfere with their bond if it’s within the separation limit, but keeps them from seeing / hearing / touching each other), caging the daemon, muzzling them to keep them from speaking for their human, or even not letting them sleep in the same room.

Another common problem is parents / educators treating an autistic person’s daemon like a service animal and offloading their responsibilities on them. Just expecting them to handle something like a meltdown or panic attack by themselves because “You’re part of them, you understand them!” and ignoring that the daemon also has fears and anxieties and sensory issues.

Expectation: Your autistic child’s daemon understands them better than you ever could and will be able to quickly and discretely calm them down from a meltdown / sensory overload without you needing to get involved and actually do your job as a parent.

Reality: You have two autistic children who share a soul and feel each other’s emotions and pain, and one of them likely has at least one sense that’s way more sensitive than a human’s. They can certainly be a source of comfort and support to each other, and can pick up on each other’s warning signs and remind each other to use coping strategies / get out of stressful situations and not try to “push through,” but this is a skill that takes time and maturity to learn, and it only works before the pair are completely overwhelmed. As stated above autistic people feel sensations and emotions from their daemon extra-intensely, and vice versa. A full-on meltdown or panic attack is such an overpowering flood of negative emotions that, combined with the stress of whatever caused the meltdown in the first place, usually just overwhelms both partners, especially in children. The best you can hope for is whichever one holds it together a bit longer is able to help their partner into a safe place and ask someone for help. Even if the daemon (or human) doesn’t have a meltdown their emotional battery will still be absolutely drained for probably the rest of the day.

[catty-words]

I’m not sure if you’ve answered this already but I’m wondering if you could further elaborate what your issue is with how Ben and Devi in season 2

boy howdy. i’ve got wine, i’ve got an intense attachment to these two characters, and i’m ready to rant. but just remember - you literally asked for this.

to really delve into why i find season two d/b a bit of a letdown, i think it’d be helpful to first establish what it is that drew me to the pairing in season one. some of it, of course, is surface-level shit, like the fact that maitreyi and jaren have chemistry that crackles on the screen and that their faces are pretty and they react to each other in really amusing and heart-wrenching ways. but, more to the point, it’s the way the characters are inextricably linked by the way their stories parallel and interact with each other that truly sent me on a spiral last summer.

devi is a snot. she loves being the center of attention. she’s insecure. she cares about being the best at school not just because it’s been ingrained in her that she should, but because she has goals and ambitions that are served by being the best. she’s pop culture and image obsessed. she’s desperate for the acceptance of her peers. and, because of this image obsession and desperation for acceptance, she feels compelled to mask the fact that she’s deeply, deeply sad.

pretty much every single one of these traits also applies to ben - all you have to do is take away the notion that being the best is ingrained by his parents and substitute sadness over a parent’s passing for sadness born out of parental neglect. and the fact that they’re so similar but have a well-cultivated resentment of each other? that’s exactly my shit. that’s literary self-hatred, poetic cinema, etc. they understand each other better than anyone else does or can because they, in essence, are an extension of each other. so there’s a ton of cool character work going on in their every interaction - the deepening empathy for others and a quest for greater self understanding.

you also have the way that, at the show’s young-adult coming-of-age core, is how horny and in need of an outlet for that horniness devi is. so, again, on the surface, d/b gets all the heat of two characters pitted against each other as enemies, which is super fun to watch and completely effective because, again, maitreyi and jaren have incredible on-screen chemistry. but under the surface, ben also gets to be devi’s safe space. because he understands her insecurity and her drive to be more than the weird nerd people perceive her as - he shares those things. which means intimacy between them happens almost by accident. devi’s not trying to manufacture it, it’s just there for her to fall into.

the characters know each other. and with that knowledge comes both the safety of being your true self and the tricky mess that is getting held accountable when you try to shirk who you really are in favor of fantasy.

so. season two. that chemistry between the actors doesn’t go away, of course, but the compelling sameness of the characters does.

what do i mean by that? well, it has a lot to do with the way ben is written as Morally Correct in his every action in season two, where devi’s a bumbling mess. he recognizes that cheating on shira was wrong, and he wants devi to know that he’s emotionally intelligent enough to Get That and mature enough to put an end to his wrongdoing. he hears that devi started the rumor about aneesa and he’s here to urge her down the path of redemption. he was scorned by devi, but he’s still going to show up in the bathroom and tend to her emotional well-being when another dude trods all over her.

i’ve gotten the sense that a lot of people found this characterization romantic and Romantically tragic, but it legitimately angers me. i don’t want the ben that’s so smitten with devi that he’ll cater his every move to helping her grow and realize how she, too, can be as Morally Correct as him. i want the ben that tells her india’s not that different from coachella & that mowgli didn’t run away from home, so stop whining and face what’s really scaring you, dummy! i wanted to see his anger, not wounded acceptance that no one loves him the way he loves them. i wanted to see him be the wretched little asshole i know and love because those traits - that acting out and being loud and not accepting anything less than what he wants from any given situation - are what make him so compatible with devi!! she’s not some swooning damsel who needs her knight ben to swoop in and help her make the right decision and he’s not some enlightened knight who’s just trying to do right by his lady love!! they’re messy!!! they’re angry!!! and they’ve spent pretty much their whole lives striving to prove they’re better than the other!!! a couple weeks of kissing would not negate the lifetime of hostility between them, nor ben’s tendency to fall back on obnoxious showboating to prove his worth to the world!!!

i feel like i keep talking around The Thing instead of being able to name it directly, but my frustration lies in the way devi becomes meeker and less in control of her actions in season two where ben becomes a romanticized ideal for whom devi isn’t good enough but hopes to prove herself worthy of anyway. because that’s somehow a far uglier dynamic than devi getting with a guy who once called her an unfuckable nerd.