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antiporn-activist · 8 months ago

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I thought y'all should read this

I have a free trial to News+ so I copy-pasted it for you here. I don't think Jonathan Haidt would object to more people having this info.

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End the Phone-Based Childhood Now

The environment in which kids grow up today is hostile to human development.

By Jonathan Haidt

Something went suddenly and horribly wrong for adolescents in the early 2010s. By now you’ve likely seen the statistics: Rates of depression and anxiety in the United States—fairly stable in the 2000s—rose by more than 50 percent in many studies from 2010 to 2019. The suicide rate rose 48 percent for adolescents ages 10 to 19. For girls ages 10 to 14, it rose 131 percent.

The problem was not limited to the U.S.: Similar patterns emerged around the same time in Canada, the U.K., Australia, New Zealand, the Nordic countries, and beyond. By a variety of measures and in a variety of countries, the members of Generation Z (born in and after 1996) are suffering from anxiety, depression, self-harm, and related disorders at levels higher than any other generation for which we have data.

The decline in mental health is just one of many signs that something went awry. Loneliness and friendlessness among American teens began to surge around 2012. Academic achievement went down, too. According to “The Nation’s Report Card,” scores in reading and math began to decline for U.S. students after 2012, reversing decades of slow but generally steady increase. PISA, the major international measure of educational trends, shows that declines in math, reading, and science happened globally, also beginning in the early 2010s.

As the oldest members of Gen Z reach their late 20s, their troubles are carrying over into adulthood. Young adults are dating less, having less sex, and showing less interest in ever having children than prior generations. They are more likelyto live with their parents. They were less likely to get jobs as teens, and managers say they are harder to work with. Many of these trends began with earlier generations, but most of them accelerated with Gen Z.

Surveys show that members of Gen Z are shyer and more risk averse than previous generations, too, and risk aversion may make them less ambitious. In an interview last May, OpenAI co-founder Sam Altman and Stripe co-founder Patrick Collison noted that, for the first time since the 1970s, none of Silicon Valley’s preeminent entrepreneurs are under 30. “Something has really gone wrong,” Altman said. In a famously young industry, he was baffled by the sudden absence of great founders in their 20s.

Generations are not monolithic, of course. Many young people are flourishing. Taken as a whole, however, Gen Z is in poor mental health and is lagging behind previous generations on many important metrics. And if a generation is doing poorly––if it is more anxious and depressed and is starting families, careers, and important companies at a substantially lower rate than previous generations––then the sociological and economic consequences will be profound for the entire society.

What happened in the early 2010s that altered adolescent development and worsened mental health? Theories abound, but the fact that similar trends are found in many countries worldwide means that events and trends that are specific to the United States cannot be the main story.

I think the answer can be stated simply, although the underlying psychology is complex: Those were the years when adolescents in rich countries traded in their flip phones for smartphones and moved much more of their social lives online—particularly onto social-media platforms designed for virality and addiction. Once young people began carrying the entire internet in their pockets, available to them day and night, it altered their daily experiences and developmental pathways across the board. Friendship, dating, sexuality, exercise, sleep, academics, politics, family dynamics, identity—all were affected. Life changed rapidly for younger children, too, as they began to get access to their parents’ smartphones and, later, got their own iPads, laptops, and even smartphones during elementary school.

As a social psychologist who has long studied social and moral development, I have been involved in debates about the effects of digital technology for years. Typically, the scientific questions have been framed somewhat narrowly, to make them easier to address with data. For example, do adolescents who consume more social media have higher levels of depression? Does using a smartphone just before bedtime interfere with sleep? The answer to these questions is usually found to be yes, although the size of the relationship is often statistically small, which has led some researchers to conclude that these new technologies are not responsible for the gigantic increases in mental illness that began in the early 2010s.

But before we can evaluate the evidence on any one potential avenue of harm, we need to step back and ask a broader question: What is childhood––including adolescence––and how did it change when smartphones moved to the center of it? If we take a more holistic view of what childhood is and what young children, tweens, and teens need to do to mature into competent adults, the picture becomes much clearer. Smartphone-based life, it turns out, alters or interferes with a great number of developmental processes.

The intrusion of smartphones and social media are not the only changes that have deformed childhood. There’s an important backstory, beginning as long ago as the 1980s, when we started systematically depriving children and adolescents of freedom, unsupervised play, responsibility, and opportunities for risk taking, all of which promote competence, maturity, and mental health. But the change in childhood accelerated in the early 2010s, when an already independence-deprived generation was lured into a new virtual universe that seemed safe to parents but in fact is more dangerous, in many respects, than the physical world.

My claim is that the new phone-based childhood that took shape roughly 12 years ago is making young people sick and blocking their progress to flourishing in adulthood. We need a dramatic cultural correction, and we need it now.

1. The Decline of Play and Independence

Human brains are extraordinarily large compared with those of other primates, and human childhoods are extraordinarily long, too, to give those large brains time to wire up within a particular culture. A child’s brain is already 90 percent of its adult size by about age 6. The next 10 or 15 years are about learning norms and mastering skills—physical, analytical, creative, and social. As children and adolescents seek out experiences and practice a wide variety of behaviors, the synapses and neurons that are used frequently are retained while those that are used less often disappear. Neurons that fire together wire together, as brain researchers say.

Brain development is sometimes said to be “experience-expectant,” because specific parts of the brain show increased plasticity during periods of life when an animal’s brain can “expect” to have certain kinds of experiences. You can see this with baby geese, who will imprint on whatever mother-sized object moves in their vicinity just after they hatch. You can see it with human children, who are able to learn languages quickly and take on the local accent, but only through early puberty; after that, it’s hard to learn a language and sound like a native speaker. There is also some evidence of a sensitive period for cultural learning more generally. Japanese children who spent a few years in California in the 1970s came to feel “American” in their identity and ways of interacting only if they attended American schools for a few years between ages 9 and 15. If they left before age 9, there was no lasting impact. If they didn’t arrive until they were 15, it was too late; they didn’t come to feel American.

Human childhood is an extended cultural apprenticeship with different tasks at different ages all the way through puberty. Once we see it this way, we can identify factors that promote or impede the right kinds of learning at each age. For children of all ages, one of the most powerful drivers of learning is the strong motivation to play. Play is the work of childhood, and all young mammals have the same job: to wire up their brains by playing vigorously and often, practicing the moves and skills they’ll need as adults. Kittens will play-pounce on anything that looks like a mouse tail. Human children will play games such as tag and sharks and minnows, which let them practice both their predator skills and their escaping-from-predator skills. Adolescents will play sports with greater intensity, and will incorporate playfulness into their social interactions—flirting, teasing, and developing inside jokes that bond friends together. Hundreds of studies on young rats, monkeys, and humans show that young mammals want to play, need to play, and end up socially, cognitively, and emotionally impaired when they are deprived of play.

One crucial aspect of play is physical risk taking. Children and adolescents must take risks and fail—often—in environments in which failure is not very costly. This is how they extend their abilities, overcome their fears, learn to estimate risk, and learn to cooperate in order to take on larger challenges later. The ever-present possibility of getting hurt while running around, exploring, play-fighting, or getting into a real conflict with another group adds an element of thrill, and thrilling play appears to be the most effective kind for overcoming childhood anxieties and building social, emotional, and physical competence. The desire for risk and thrill increases in the teen years, when failure might carry more serious consequences. Children of all ages need to choose the risk they are ready for at a given moment. Young people who are deprived of opportunities for risk taking and independent exploration will, on average, develop into more anxious and risk-averse adults.

Human childhood and adolescence evolved outdoors, in a physical world full of dangers and opportunities. Its central activities––play, exploration, and intense socializing––were largely unsupervised by adults, allowing children to make their own choices, resolve their own conflicts, and take care of one another. Shared adventures and shared adversity bound young people together into strong friendship clusters within which they mastered the social dynamics of small groups, which prepared them to master bigger challenges and larger groups later on.

And then we changed childhood.

The changes started slowly in the late 1970s and ’80s, before the arrival of the internet, as many parents in the U.S. grew fearful that their children would be harmed or abducted if left unsupervised. Such crimes have always been extremely rare, but they loomed larger in parents’ minds thanks in part to rising levels of street crime combined with the arrival of cable TV, which enabled round-the-clock coverage of missing-children cases. A general decline in social capital––the degree to which people knew and trusted their neighbors and institutions–��exacerbated parental fears. Meanwhile, rising competition for college admissions encouraged more intensive forms of parenting. In the 1990s, American parents began pulling their children indoors or insisting that afternoons be spent in adult-run enrichment activities. Free play, independent exploration, and teen-hangout time declined.

In recent decades, seeing unchaperoned children outdoors has become so novel that when one is spotted in the wild, some adults feel it is their duty to call the police. In 2015, the Pew Research Center found that parents, on average, believed that children should be at least 10 years old to play unsupervised in front of their house, and that kids should be 14 before being allowed to go unsupervised to a public park. Most of these same parents had enjoyed joyous and unsupervised outdoor play by the age of 7 or 8.

2. The Virtual World Arrives in Two Waves

The internet, which now dominates the lives of young people, arrived in two waves of linked technologies. The first one did little harm to Millennials. The second one swallowed Gen Z whole.

The first wave came ashore in the 1990s with the arrival of dial-up internet access, which made personal computers good for something beyond word processing and basic games. By 2003, 55 percent of American households had a computer with (slow) internet access. Rates of adolescent depression, loneliness, and other measures of poor mental health did not rise in this first wave. If anything, they went down a bit. Millennial teens (born 1981 through 1995), who were the first to go through puberty with access to the internet, were psychologically healthier and happier, on average, than their older siblings or parents in Generation X (born 1965 through 1980).

The second wave began to rise in the 2000s, though its full force didn’t hit until the early 2010s. It began rather innocently with the introduction of social-media platforms that helped people connect with their friends. Posting and sharing content became much easier with sites such as Friendster (launched in 2003), Myspace (2003), and Facebook (2004).

Teens embraced social media soon after it came out, but the time they could spend on these sites was limited in those early years because the sites could only be accessed from a computer, often the family computer in the living room. Young people couldn’t access social media (and the rest of the internet) from the school bus, during class time, or while hanging out with friends outdoors. Many teens in the early-to-mid-2000s had cellphones, but these were basic phones (many of them flip phones) that had no internet access. Typing on them was difficult––they had only number keys. Basic phones were tools that helped Millennials meet up with one another in person or talk with each other one-on-one. I have seen no evidence to suggest that basic cellphones harmed the mental health of Millennials.

It was not until the introduction of the iPhone (2007), the App Store (2008), and high-speed internet (which reached 50 percent of American homes in 2007)—and the corresponding pivot to mobile made by many providers of social media, video games, and porn—that it became possible for adolescents to spend nearly every waking moment online. The extraordinary synergy among these innovations was what powered the second technological wave. In 2011, only 23 percent of teens had a smartphone. By 2015, that number had risen to 73 percent, and a quarter of teens said they were online “almost constantly.” Their younger siblings in elementary school didn’t usually have their own smartphones, but after its release in 2010, the iPad quickly became a staple of young children’s daily lives. It was in this brief period, from 2010 to 2015, that childhood in America (and many other countries) was rewired into a form that was more sedentary, solitary, virtual, and incompatible with healthy human development.

3. Techno-optimism and the Birth of the Phone-Based Childhood

The phone-based childhood created by that second wave—including not just smartphones themselves, but all manner of internet-connected devices, such as tablets, laptops, video-game consoles, and smartwatches—arrived near the end of a period of enormous optimism about digital technology. The internet came into our lives in the mid-1990s, soon after the fall of the Soviet Union. By the end of that decade, it was widely thought that the web would be an ally of democracy and a slayer of tyrants. When people are connected to each other, and to all the information in the world, how could any dictator keep them down?

In the 2000s, Silicon Valley and its world-changing inventions were a source of pride and excitement in America. Smart and ambitious young people around the world wanted to move to the West Coast to be part of the digital revolution. Tech-company founders such as Steve Jobs and Sergey Brin were lauded as gods, or at least as modern Prometheans, bringing humans godlike powers. The Arab Spring bloomed in 2011 with the help of decentralized social platforms, including Twitter and Facebook. When pundits and entrepreneurs talked about the power of social media to transform society, it didn’t sound like a dark prophecy.

You have to put yourself back in this heady time to understand why adults acquiesced so readily to the rapid transformation of childhood. Many parents had concerns, even then, about what their children were doing online, especially because of the internet’s ability to put children in contact with strangers. But there was also a lot of excitement about the upsides of this new digital world. If computers and the internet were the vanguards of progress, and if young people––widely referred to as “digital natives”––were going to live their lives entwined with these technologies, then why not give them a head start? I remember how exciting it was to see my 2-year-old son master the touch-and-swipe interface of my first iPhone in 2008. I thought I could see his neurons being woven together faster as a result of the stimulation it brought to his brain, compared to the passivity of watching television or the slowness of building a block tower. I thought I could see his future job prospects improving.

Touchscreen devices were also a godsend for harried parents. Many of us discovered that we could have peace at a restaurant, on a long car trip, or at home while making dinner or replying to emails if we just gave our children what they most wanted: our smartphones and tablets. We saw that everyone else was doing it and figured it must be okay.

It was the same for older children, desperate to join their friends on social-media platforms, where the minimum age to open an account was set by law to 13, even though no research had been done to establish the safety of these products for minors. Because the platforms did nothing (and still do nothing) to verify the stated age of new-account applicants, any 10-year-old could open multiple accounts without parental permission or knowledge, and many did. Facebook and later Instagram became places where many sixth and seventh graders were hanging out and socializing. If parents did find out about these accounts, it was too late. Nobody wanted their child to be isolated and alone, so parents rarely forced their children to shut down their accounts.

We had no idea what we were doing.

4. The High Cost of a Phone-Based Childhood

In Walden, his 1854 reflection on simple living, Henry David Thoreau wrote, “The cost of a thing is the amount of … life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” It’s an elegant formulation of what economists would later call the opportunity cost of any choice—all of the things you can no longer do with your money and time once you’ve committed them to something else. So it’s important that we grasp just how much of a young person’s day is now taken up by their devices.

The numbers are hard to believe. The most recent Gallup data show that American teens spend about five hours a day just on social-media platforms (including watching videos on TikTok and YouTube). Add in all the other phone- and screen-based activities, and the number rises to somewhere between seven and nine hours a day, on average. The numbers are even higher in single-parent and low-income families, and among Black, Hispanic, and Native American families.

In Thoreau’s terms, how much of life is exchanged for all this screen time? Arguably, most of it. Everything else in an adolescent’s day must get squeezed down or eliminated entirely to make room for the vast amount of content that is consumed, and for the hundreds of “friends,” “followers,” and other network connections that must be serviced with texts, posts, comments, likes, snaps, and direct messages. I recently surveyed my students at NYU, and most of them reported that the very first thing they do when they open their eyes in the morning is check their texts, direct messages, and social-media feeds. It’s also the last thing they do before they close their eyes at night. And it’s a lot of what they do in between.

The amount of time that adolescents spend sleeping declined in the early 2010s, and many studies tie sleep loss directly to the use of devices around bedtime, particularly when they’re used to scroll through social media. Exercise declined, too, which is unfortunate because exercise, like sleep, improves both mental and physical health. Book reading has been declining for decades, pushed aside by digital alternatives, but the decline, like so much else, sped up in the early 2010s. With passive entertainment always available, adolescent minds likely wander less than they used to; contemplation and imagination might be placed on the list of things winnowed down or crowded out.

But perhaps the most devastating cost of the new phone-based childhood was the collapse of time spent interacting with other people face-to-face. A study of how Americans spend their time found that, before 2010, young people (ages 15 to 24) reported spending far more time with their friends (about two hours a day, on average, not counting time together at school) than did older people (who spent just 30 to 60 minutes with friends). Time with friends began decreasing for young people in the 2000s, but the drop accelerated in the 2010s, while it barely changed for older people. By 2019, young people’s time with friends had dropped to just 67 minutes a day. It turns out that Gen Z had been socially distancing for many years and had mostly completed the project by the time COVID-19 struck.

You might question the importance of this decline. After all, isn’t much of this online time spent interacting with friends through texting, social media, and multiplayer video games? Isn’t that just as good?

Some of it surely is, and virtual interactions offer unique benefits too, especially for young people who are geographically or socially isolated. But in general, the virtual world lacks many of the features that make human interactions in the real world nutritious, as we might say, for physical, social, and emotional development. In particular, real-world relationships and social interactions are characterized by four features—typical for hundreds of thousands of years—that online interactions either distort or erase.

First, real-world interactions are embodied, meaning that we use our hands and facial expressions to communicate, and we learn to respond to the body language of others. Virtual interactions, in contrast, mostly rely on language alone. No matter how many emojis are offered as compensation, the elimination of communication channels for which we have eons of evolutionary programming is likely to produce adults who are less comfortable and less skilled at interacting in person.

Second, real-world interactions are synchronous; they happen at the same time. As a result, we learn subtle cues about timing and conversational turn taking. Synchronous interactions make us feel closer to the other person because that’s what getting “in sync” does. Texts, posts, and many other virtual interactions lack synchrony. There is less real laughter, more room for misinterpretation, and more stress after a comment that gets no immediate response.

Third, real-world interactions primarily involve one‐to‐one communication, or sometimes one-to-several. But many virtual communications are broadcast to a potentially huge audience. Online, each person can engage in dozens of asynchronous interactions in parallel, which interferes with the depth achieved in all of them. The sender’s motivations are different, too: With a large audience, one’s reputation is always on the line; an error or poor performance can damage social standing with large numbers of peers. These communications thus tend to be more performative and anxiety-inducing than one-to-one conversations.

Finally, real-world interactions usually take place within communities that have a high bar for entry and exit, so people are strongly motivated to invest in relationships and repair rifts when they happen. But in many virtual networks, people can easily block others or quit when they are displeased. Relationships within such networks are usually more disposable.

These unsatisfying and anxiety-producing features of life online should be recognizable to most adults. Online interactions can bring out antisocial behavior that people would never display in their offline communities. But if life online takes a toll on adults, just imagine what it does to adolescents in the early years of puberty, when their “experience expectant” brains are rewiring based on feedback from their social interactions.

Kids going through puberty online are likely to experience far more social comparison, self-consciousness, public shaming, and chronic anxiety than adolescents in previous generations, which could potentially set developing brains into a habitual state of defensiveness. The brain contains systems that are specialized for approach (when opportunities beckon) and withdrawal (when threats appear or seem likely). People can be in what we might call “discover mode” or “defend mode” at any moment, but generally not both. The two systems together form a mechanism for quickly adapting to changing conditions, like a thermostat that can activate either a heating system or a cooling system as the temperature fluctuates. Some people’s internal thermostats are generally set to discover mode, and they flip into defend mode only when clear threats arise. These people tend to see the world as full of opportunities. They are happier and less anxious. Other people’s internal thermostats are generally set to defend mode, and they flip into discover mode only when they feel unusually safe. They tend to see the world as full of threats and are more prone to anxiety and depressive disorders.

A simple way to understand the differences between Gen Z and previous generations is that people born in and after 1996 have internal thermostats that were shifted toward defend mode. This is why life on college campuses changed so suddenly when Gen Z arrived, beginning around 2014. Students began requesting “safe spaces” and trigger warnings. They were highly sensitive to “microaggressions” and sometimes claimed that words were “violence.” These trends mystified those of us in older generations at the time, but in hindsight, it all makes sense. Gen Z students found words, ideas, and ambiguous social encounters more threatening than had previous generations of students because we had fundamentally altered their psychological development.

5. So Many Harms

The debate around adolescents’ use of smartphones and social media typically revolves around mental health, and understandably so. But the harms that have resulted from transforming childhood so suddenly and heedlessly go far beyondmental health. I’ve touched on some of them—social awkwardness, reduced self-confidence, and a more sedentary childhood. Here are three additional harms.

Fragmented Attention, Disrupted Learning

Staying on task while sitting at a computer is hard enough for an adult with a fully developed prefrontal cortex. It is far more difficult for adolescents in front of their laptop trying to do homework. They are probably less intrinsically motivated to stay on task. They’re certainly less able, given their undeveloped prefrontal cortex, and hence it’s easy for any company with an app to lure them away with an offer of social validation or entertainment. Their phones are pinging constantly—one study found that the typical adolescent now gets 237 notifications a day, roughly 15 every waking hour. Sustained attention is essential for doing almost anything big, creative, or valuable, yet young people find their attention chopped up into little bits by notifications offering the possibility of high-pleasure, low-effort digital experiences.

It even happens in the classroom. Studies confirm that when students have access to their phones during class time, they use them, especially for texting and checking social media, and their grades and learning suffer. This might explain why benchmark test scores began to decline in the U.S. and around the world in the early 2010s—well before the pandemic hit.

Addiction and Social Withdrawal

The neural basis of behavioral addiction to social media or video games is not exactly the same as chemical addiction to cocaine or opioids. Nonetheless, they all involve abnormally heavy and sustained activation of dopamine neurons and reward pathways. Over time, the brain adapts to these high levels of dopamine; when the child is not engaged in digital activity, their brain doesn’t have enough dopamine, and the child experiences withdrawal symptoms. These generally include anxiety, insomnia, and intense irritability. Kids with these kinds of behavioral addictions often become surly and aggressive, and withdraw from their families into their bedrooms and devices.

Social-media and gaming platforms were designed to hook users. How successful are they? How many kids suffer from digital addictions?

The main addiction risks for boys seem to be video games and porn. “Internet gaming disorder,” which was added to the main diagnosis manual of psychiatry in 2013 as a condition for further study, describes “significant impairment or distress” in several aspects of life, along with many hallmarks of addiction, including an inability to reduce usage despite attempts to do so. Estimates for the prevalence of IGD range from 7 to 15 percent among adolescent boys and young men. As for porn, a nationally representative survey of American adults published in 2019 found that 7 percent of American men agreed or strongly agreed with the statement “I am addicted to pornography”—and the rates were higher for the youngest men.

Girls have much lower rates of addiction to video games and porn, but they use social media more intensely than boys do. A study of teens in 29 nations found that between 5 and 15 percent of adolescents engage in what is called “problematic social media use,” which includes symptoms such as preoccupation, withdrawal symptoms, neglect of other areas of life, and lying to parents and friends about time spent on social media. That study did not break down results by gender, but many others have found that rates of “problematic use” are higher for girls.

I don’t want to overstate the risks: Most teens do not become addicted to their phones and video games. But across multiple studies and across genders, rates of problematic use come out in the ballpark of 5 to 15 percent. Is there any other consumer product that parents would let their children use relatively freely if they knew that something like one in 10 kids would end up with a pattern of habitual and compulsive use that disrupted various domains of life and looked a lot like an addiction?

The Decay of Wisdom and the Loss of Meaning

During that crucial sensitive period for cultural learning, from roughly ages 9 through 15, we should be especially thoughtful about who is socializing our children for adulthood. Instead, that’s when most kids get their first smartphone and sign themselves up (with or without parental permission) to consume rivers of content from random strangers. Much of that content is produced by other adolescents, in blocks of a few minutes or a few seconds.

This rerouting of enculturating content has created a generation that is largely cut off from older generations and, to some extent, from the accumulated wisdom of humankind, including knowledge about how to live a flourishing life. Adolescents spend less time steeped in their local or national culture. They are coming of age in a confusing, placeless, ahistorical maelstrom of 30-second stories curated by algorithms designed to mesmerize them. Without solid knowledge of the past and the filtering of good ideas from bad––a process that plays out over many generations––young people will be more prone to believe whatever terrible ideas become popular around them, which might explain why videos showing young people reacting positively to Osama bin Laden’s thoughts about America were trending on TikTok last fall.

All this is made worse by the fact that so much of digital public life is an unending supply of micro dramas about somebody somewhere in our country of 340 million people who did something that can fuel an outrage cycle, only to be pushed aside by the next. It doesn’t add up to anything and leaves behind only a distorted sense of human nature and affairs.

When our public life becomes fragmented, ephemeral, and incomprehensible, it is a recipe for anomie, or normlessness. The great French sociologist Émile Durkheim showed long ago that a society that fails to bind its people together with some shared sense of sacredness and common respect for rules and norms is not a society of great individual freedom; it is, rather, a place where disoriented individuals have difficulty setting goals and exerting themselves to achieve them. Durkheim argued that anomie was a major driver of suicide rates in European countries. Modern scholars continue to draw on his work to understand suicide rates today.

Durkheim’s observations are crucial for understanding what happened in the early 2010s. A long-running survey of American teens found that, from 1990 to 2010, high-school seniors became slightly less likely to agree with statements such as “Life often feels meaningless.” But as soon as they adopted a phone-based life and many began to live in the whirlpool of social media, where no stability can be found, every measure of despair increased. From 2010 to 2019, the number who agreed that their lives felt “meaningless” increased by about 70 percent, to more than one in five.

6. Young People Don’t Like Their Phone-Based Lives

How can I be confident that the epidemic of adolescent mental illness was kicked off by the arrival of the phone-based childhood? Skeptics point to other events as possible culprits, including the 2008 global financial crisis, global warming, the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting and the subsequent active-shooter drills, rising academic pressures, and the opioid epidemic. But while these events might have been contributing factors in some countries, none can explain both the timing and international scope of the disaster.

An additional source of evidence comes from Gen Z itself. With all the talk of regulating social media, raising age limits, and getting phones out of schools, you might expect to find many members of Gen Z writing and speaking out in opposition. I’ve looked for such arguments and found hardly any. In contrast, many young adults tell stories of devastation.

Freya India, a 24-year-old British essayist who writes about girls, explains how social-media sites carry girls off to unhealthy places: “It seems like your child is simply watching some makeup tutorials, following some mental health influencers, or experimenting with their identity. But let me tell you: they are on a conveyor belt to someplace bad. Whatever insecurity or vulnerability they are struggling with, they will be pushed further and further into it.” She continues:

Gen Z were the guinea pigs in this uncontrolled global social experiment. We were the first to have our vulnerabilities and insecurities fed into a machine that magnified and refracted them back at us, all the time, before we had any sense of who we were. We didn’t just grow up with algorithms. They raised us. They rearranged our faces. Shaped our identities. Convinced us we were sick.

Rikki Schlott, a 23-year-old American journalist and co-author of The Canceling of the American Mind, writes,

"The day-to-day life of a typical teen or tween today would be unrecognizable to someone who came of age before the smartphone arrived. Zoomers are spending an average of 9 hours daily in this screen-time doom loop—desperate to forget the gaping holes they’re bleeding out of, even if just for … 9 hours a day. Uncomfortable silence could be time to ponder why they’re so miserable in the first place. Drowning it out with algorithmic white noise is far easier."

A 27-year-old man who spent his adolescent years addicted (his word) to video games and pornography sent me this reflection on what that did to him:

I missed out on a lot of stuff in life—a lot of socialization. I feel the effects now: meeting new people, talking to people. I feel that my interactions are not as smooth and fluid as I want. My knowledge of the world (geography, politics, etc.) is lacking. I didn’t spend time having conversations or learning about sports. I often feel like a hollow operating system.

Or consider what Facebook found in a research project involving focus groups of young people, revealed in 2021 by the whistleblower Frances Haugen: “Teens blame Instagram for increases in the rates of anxiety and depression among teens,” an internal document said. “This reaction was unprompted and consistent across all groups.”

7. Collective-Action Problems

Social-media companies such as Meta, TikTok, and Snap are often compared to tobacco companies, but that’s not really fair to the tobacco industry. It’s true that companies in both industries marketed harmful products to children and tweaked their products for maximum customer retention (that is, addiction), but there’s a big difference: Teens could and did choose, in large numbers, not to smoke. Even at the peak of teen cigarette use, in 1997, nearly two-thirds of high-school students did not smoke.

Social media, in contrast, applies a lot more pressure on nonusers, at a much younger age and in a more insidious way. Once a few students in any middle school lie about their age and open accounts at age 11 or 12, they start posting photos and comments about themselves and other students. Drama ensues. The pressure on everyone else to join becomes intense. Even a girl who knows, consciously, that Instagram can foster beauty obsession, anxiety, and eating disorders might sooner take those risks than accept the seeming certainty of being out of the loop, clueless, and excluded. And indeed, if she resists while most of her classmates do not, she might, in fact, be marginalized, which puts her at risk for anxiety and depression, though via a different pathway than the one taken by those who use social media heavily. In this way, social media accomplishes a remarkable feat: It even harms adolescents who do not use it.

A recent study led by the University of Chicago economist Leonardo Bursztyn captured the dynamics of the social-media trap precisely. The researchers recruited more than 1,000 college students and asked them how much they’d need to be paid to deactivate their accounts on either Instagram or TikTok for four weeks. That’s a standard economist’s question to try to compute the net value of a product to society. On average, students said they’d need to be paid roughly $50 ($59 for TikTok, $47 for Instagram) to deactivate whichever platform they were asked about. Then the experimenters told the students that they were going to try to get most of the others in their school to deactivate that same platform, offering to pay them to do so as well, and asked, Now how much would you have to be paid to deactivate, if most others did so? The answer, on average, was less than zero. In each case, most students were willing to pay to have that happen.

Social media is all about network effects. Most students are only on it because everyone else is too. Most of them would prefer that nobody be on these platforms. Later in the study, students were asked directly, “Would you prefer to live in a world without Instagram [or TikTok]?” A majority of students said yes––58 percent for each app.

This is the textbook definition of what social scientists call a collective-action problem. It’s what happens when a group would be better off if everyone in the group took a particular action, but each actor is deterred from acting, because unless the others do the same, the personal cost outweighs the benefit. Fishermen considering limiting their catch to avoid wiping out the local fish population are caught in this same kind of trap. If no one else does it too, they just lose profit.

Cigarettes trapped individual smokers with a biological addiction. Social media has trapped an entire generation in a collective-action problem. Early app developers deliberately and knowingly exploited the psychological weaknesses and insecurities of young people to pressure them to consume a product that, upon reflection, many wish they could use less, or not at all.

8. Four Norms to Break Four Traps

Young people and their parents are stuck in at least four collective-action traps. Each is hard to escape for an individual family, but escape becomes much easier if families, schools, and communities coordinate and act together. Here are four norms that would roll back the phone-based childhood. I believe that any community that adopts all four will see substantial improvements in youth mental health within two years.

No smartphones before high school

The trap here is that each child thinks they need a smartphone because “everyone else” has one, and many parents give in because they don’t want their child to feel excluded. But if no one else had a smartphone—or even if, say, only half of the child’s sixth-grade class had one—parents would feel more comfortable providing a basic flip phone (or no phone at all). Delaying round-the-clock internet access until ninth grade (around age 14) as a national or community norm would help to protect adolescents during the very vulnerable first few years of puberty. According to a 2022 British study, these are the years when social-media use is most correlated with poor mental health. Family policies about tablets, laptops, and video-game consoles should be aligned with smartphone restrictions to prevent overuse of other screen activities.

No social media before 16

The trap here, as with smartphones, is that each adolescent feels a strong need to open accounts on TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and other platforms primarily because that’s where most of their peers are posting and gossiping. But if the majority of adolescents were not on these accounts until they were 16, families and adolescents could more easily resist the pressure to sign up. The delay would not mean that kids younger than 16 could never watch videos on TikTok or YouTube—only that they could not open accounts, give away their data, post their own content, and let algorithms get to know them and their preferences.

Phone‐free schools

Most schools claim that they ban phones, but this usually just means that students aren’t supposed to take their phone out of their pocket during class. Research shows that most students do use their phones during class time. They also use them during lunchtime, free periods, and breaks between classes––times when students could and should be interacting with their classmates face-to-face. The only way to get students’ minds off their phones during the school day is to require all students to put their phones (and other devices that can send or receive texts) into a phone locker or locked pouch at the start of the day. Schools that have gone phone-free always seem to report that it has improved the culture, making students more attentive in class and more interactive with one another. Published studies back them up.

More independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world

Many parents are afraid to give their children the level of independence and responsibility they themselves enjoyed when they were young, even though rates of homicide, drunk driving, and other physical threats to children are way down in recent decades. Part of the fear comes from the fact that parents look at each other to determine what is normal and therefore safe, and they see few examples of families acting as if a 9-year-old can be trusted to walk to a store without a chaperone. But if many parents started sending their children out to play or run errands, then the norms of what is safe and accepted would change quickly. So would ideas about what constitutes “good parenting.” And if more parents trusted their children with more responsibility––for example, by asking their kids to do more to help out, or to care for others––then the pervasive sense of uselessness now found in surveys of high-school students might begin to dissipate.

It would be a mistake to overlook this fourth norm. If parents don’t replace screen time with real-world experiences involving friends and independent activity, then banning devices will feel like deprivation, not the opening up of a world of opportunities.

The main reason why the phone-based childhood is so harmful is because it pushes aside everything else. Smartphones are experience blockers. Our ultimate goal should not be to remove screens entirely, nor should it be to return childhood to exactly the way it was in 1960. Rather, it should be to create a version of childhood and adolescence that keeps young people anchored in the real world while flourishing in the digital age.

9. What Are We Waiting For?

An essential function of government is to solve collective-action problems. Congress could solve or help solve the ones I’ve highlighted—for instance, by raising the age of “internet adulthood” to 16 and requiring tech companies to keep underage children off their sites.

In recent decades, however, Congress has not been good at addressing public concerns when the solutions would displease a powerful and deep-pocketed industry. Governors and state legislators have been much more effective, and their successes might let us evaluate how well various reforms work. But the bottom line is that to change norms, we’re going to need to do most of the work ourselves, in neighborhood groups, schools, and other communities.

There are now hundreds of organizations––most of them started by mothers who saw what smartphones had done to their children––that are working to roll back the phone-based childhood or promote a more independent, real-world childhood. (I have assembled a list of many of them.) One that I co-founded, at LetGrow.org, suggests a variety of simple programs for parents or schools, such as play club (schools keep the playground open at least one day a week before or after school, and kids sign up for phone-free, mixed-age, unstructured play as a regular weekly activity) and the Let Grow Experience (a series of homework assignments in which students––with their parents’ consent––choose something to do on their own that they’ve never done before, such as walk the dog, climb a tree, walk to a store, or cook dinner).

Parents are fed up with what childhood has become. Many are tired of having daily arguments about technologies that were designed to grab hold of their children’s attention and not let go. But the phone-based childhood is not inevitable.

The four norms I have proposed cost almost nothing to implement, they cause no clear harm to anyone, and while they could be supported by new legislation, they can be instilled even without it. We can begin implementing all of them right away, this year, especially in communities with good cooperation between schools and parents. A single memo from a principal asking parents to delay smartphones and social media, in support of the school’s effort to improve mental health by going phone free, would catalyze collective action and reset the community’s norms.

We didn’t know what we were doing in the early 2010s. Now we do. It’s time to end the phone-based childhood.

This article is adapted from Jonathan Haidt’s forthcoming book, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.

#phones are bad #childhood

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nectardaddy · 2 months ago

Text

wild youth

one | trash can

masterlist

track one . . . crystal

cw/notes : ignore timestamps, hurt/comfort (my bread and butter yum), anxiety attack, feelings of panic, feelings of nausea (no throwing up), someone get me a suga asap fuck I love him so bad, ignore any typos I tried my best

The swirling sensation in her stomach never stopped even after she had sent everyone on their way. In fact, it got worse as her eyes tracked over the calendar she had on her desk. Little boxes filled to the brim with colorful ink, each color holding a significance that was important to only her.

Red was urgent, meetings she couldn't miss, or she would never hear the end of it. Blue was content, what subject matter she should be on week by week - which she was behind on. Green was tasks listed out in bullet points for science and math - to make a study guide, to redo a failed worksheet, to get supplies together for an upcoming lab, to make calls regarding a field trip in the near future.

Orange was personal.

Orange ink littered every Friday - ‘after school w/ K.S.’ (Abbreviated in case anyone came up to her desk with prying eyes. Already learning the hard way - last month - when question upon question was asked of “oh my god what do you and Mr. Sugawara do after school?!?” And “is Mr. Suga your boyfriend?! Is that why you have that on your calendar?!”)

Orange ink that scrawled underneath every box labeled Friday made her heart squeeze but wrench all in the same breath. Holding onto the feeling so hard she felt it crush and shatter in between her fingers. She had the tendency to hold onto things too hard, and never did find it within herself to let go - fractured or not. Always finding herself picking up stray pieces that fell here and there, leaving a trail behind her wherever she went.

The amount of colorful ink, some smeared and some barely legible, threw her into a spiral if she looked at it too long. Too many things to do, too many calls to make and meetings to attend, and simply not enough time in one school day to complete everything. The swirling feeling that started in her stomach began to move, forcing its way to her throat and she took a deep breath. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes, fighting the nausea and overwhelming need to spill her guts right then and there.

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

She remained like that a moment, focusing on her breathing and taking deep inhales of air only to let it back out again. But she gripped the orange pen she had in her hand tightly when she heard someone step through the threshold of her door; the sickly feeling returned to her throat immediately. She kept her eyes closed and took a shaky breath, determined to focus herself onto one thing rather than the person who came in.

She knew it was Sugawara.

Knew the moment she heard long, relaxed strides and the soft squeak of chucks onto the horribly waxed floor. Knew as soon as she heard him walk through the door without a word - silent and all too ready to listen, to help. She knew he looked at her in worry, brown eyes swimming with an emotion she had yet to pinpoint. She knew he wouldn't dare leave until he knew she was alright.

Sugawara knew that she was losing her grip on remaining calm.

“Do you need the trash can?”

A simple question, asked in a soft voice near her. She only screwed her eyes shut tighter and shook her head. “I'm ok.” Lying through gritted teeth, hoping he would turn to leave, but to no avail.

“No you're not.” Another whisper of a reply.

“I'm fine.”

She heard him hum before the screech of a chair hit her ears, making her flinch and a ‘sorry’ followed quickly after.

And that's when she felt him.

His presence radiated next to her that she couldn't ignore - warm, caring, and selfless. Not a single off hand comment to say as he pulled a chair next to her and sat down without a word. She could feel his arm brush against her own, a simple accident as he got comfortable in the plastic chair. But a tingling feeling that made her heart stop; a proximity she couldn't tell was intentional or not.

“Then I'll be here to make sure you stay fine.”

She hated that answer.

Loathed it even, for the sole fact it caused the sickly feeling to arrange itself into a lump in her throat. A lump that made her swallow hard, as to try and fight it, but only made it worsen as it became bigger. Growing until the feeling hit her chest painfully, overwhelming her with a sense of panic. One hand still held onto the orange pen for dear life, and the other death gripped her pants leg.

“Suga,” the name spoken in a whisper, but voice cracking all the same. It dawned on her she had no control over how the situation went anymore, realizing she would ultimately drop her façade in front of the man only made the burning pain in her chest worse. The mask would reluctantly be long gone if she started to cry; and it hit her hard as she became acutely aware of the fact she couldn't stop herself if she did.

Her face felt hot and her heart pumped violently in her chest, hearing every thump within her ear drums so loudly it drowned out the rest of the world. She took one last deep breath - but that was the start of the complete collapse of her mind.

The inhale was labored, fighting back every instinct to let tears flow freely - she couldn't, she wouldn't, not in front of him, anyone but the man beside her.

But she did.

The exhale was a choked back sob, one of which made her drop the orange pen completely and cover her mouth to muffle the sound. A cry for help that sounded too desperate to let anyone else hear, too pained to allow the man next to her bear witness too, too raw for even herself. Even with her eyes screwed shut, squeezing them so tight the corners of her eyes began to hurt, the tears fell anyway. It wasn't gradual, it wasn't a wave that pulled her down slowly but surely - it was the sudden, violent collapse of an, otherwise fine, structure. The chaos of watching a building fall, watching as brick by brick it all came tumbling down on itself.

She couldn't register what happened, as the time from his statement and her crying was nothing but a brief pause. She only knew she was crying, her fingers sore from grabbing at the fabric of her pants, that her throat felt hoarse, and the hand that covered her mouth was now wet with tears. But a new sensation was thrown into the mix that made her jump in her skin and hold tight to the last thread of sanity she still had. A warmth on the back of her hand completely sent her to the deep end and lurched her off.

His hand atop her own.

She couldn't explain why she flipped her palm over in that moment, couldn't place why exactly she interlocked her fingers with his without a second thought, and she surely didn't know why she removed her hand from her mouth only to open it. “What the fuck is wrong with me, Suga?” A wrenching question asked through broken cries and hot tears, “why can't I think, for just one goddamn second, that I'm not drowning? Why can't I think I'm good enough? Why can't I think I'm not a complete failure with everything I do?”

There was a long pause, one that only made her tears flow a bit harder. Because his silence felt cold to her, his silence felt like an answer all in itself. But he squeezed her hand in his own and looked over to her; if she had glanced, even briefly, to him she would've realized she took his heart right out of his chest. Held it in her hands unknowingly and dug her fingers into it, leaving marks that would linger for the rest of his days.

“You’re the farthest thing from a failure,” he whispered. "And I’ll tell you every day that you’re good enough, because you are. You’re more than enough - you’re perfect.”

She wished she had said yes to the trash can.

“I am failing miserably,” she choked. “They won’t fucking listen, they won’t stop talking, they keep asking me the dumbest things imaginable after I tell them what they’re doing, and they look at me like I’m stupid constantly. And I have to pretend that everything is okay, and smile and laugh. Even when I just want to slam my fucking head into the wall and cry. I-”

“Hey.” She felt him squeeze her hand once more as he cut her words short. “Breathe.” Another squeeze, this one tighter than that last, and he kept the tension. He held her hand like her life depended on it, interlocking fingers between his own and remained firm. He refused to watch her drown - or at least, they'd drown together.

She took an uneasy breath in, and hopelessly failed at holding it as another sob wracked her chest again. To this, he didn't say a word; only watched as she tried to inhale and hold it. Brown eyes swirled with a concern she wouldn't even bear witness to, holding her hand as it was the only thing he could do. Failed attempt after failed attempt until she was finally able to the fifth time around - holding it and releasing a shaky exhale.

“It's ok to not be ok,” he assured, to which he squeezed her hand once again.

She finally found it in herself to open her eyes, and she looked over to him in sorrow. Blurry, tear stained eyes locked with his own and he felt his heart sink even farther in his stomach. How long has she felt like this? Thinking himself an idiot for letting it get to a peak such as this one; ridiculing himself within the chasms of his mind for not noticing sooner. On the contrary, she felt her stomach surge upward. A squeamish feeling that made her swallow harshly, and a bitter taste at the back of her throat that made her look away from him completely.

She most definitely should have said yes to the trash can.

Her eyes had only met his own for a fraction of a second, but that was enough for her to feel embarrassment wash over her. So she kept her eyes glued to the orange ink that littered the calendar on her desk. Orange was consistent, never changing, caring - adoring. And she watched as, now slowed, tears dripped onto the paper. Drops created small, circular splotches that bled through to the pages underneath. Watched as the ink started to scatter and feather out from hot, salty tears; and for once, she didn’t care. Didn’t care that her handwriting began to be illegible, didn’t care that red ink started to blend with green. As long as the orange ink was still there, if it still remained intact - it was fine. As long as the orange ink would always remain there, it was ok.

“But I have to be ok,” she whispered, negating his statement as she closed her eyes again. “If I’m not ok then everything will go to shit.”

“Says who?”

“Says my brain.”

“Well,” he began, and she heard the faintest of a chuckle sound from beside her. “Don’t listen to your brain. You don’t have to be ok at all.” And in that moment, she became overly aware of the fact he was holding her hand, because he squeezed it again. Pale fingers locked with her own, holding tightly, and she felt a heat rise to her cheeks. Muddled with the already warm feeling of being overwhelmed, she felt herself thrown to the deep end all over again. “Honestly, we can not be ok together.”

Together.

One singular word felt crushing, but relieving all in the same breath. While it took her by the ankles and yanked her downward, it also grabbed her by the wrists and surged her up. A head spinning feeling that didn’t help her nausea; it only made it worse as now she felt torn asunder. Friday after Friday of being together but so, god damn, far apart. Together felt like a curse. A god awful, caring, loveable curse she couldn't get enough of.

She kept her eyes closed and lips sealed shut at his words, humming them over in her mind as seconds passed. Burnt out, foolish, embarrassed, and hot, she still noticed the yearning feeling that pulled at the back of her mind. An ache that never went away, only nagged and pined as it only continued to grow as moments became minutes. And minutes became a crushing weight to finally say something - anything.

Together.

“Do you want to get hammered tonight?” An off kilter, frankly off color, question she blurted out to him as she reopened her eyes. Looking over to him in anticipation, but a deep rooted fear swimming in her eyes, and she finally squeezed his hand back in response.

She saw the smile form on his lips the second the question was asked, watched as the smile turned to a chuckle, and the chuckle became a silly, joy bringing laugh. “What kind of question is that?” A rhetorical question asked between chuckles, “obviously I want to get hammered.”

“I still don't want to go to the bar though,” tagging on the statement quieter than the last and she saw him shrug in response.

“My offer still stands. Do you like shitty, cranberry vodka?”

“Yes?”

“My place it is then.”

taglist (open, send an ask)

@19calicos @yoshit-he-dinosaur @sandwhitches @bokutoko @wyrcan

@darling-eos @mitskicain @cherrypieyourface @eggyrocks

@yogurtkags @cupidsblonde @honeekyuu @s1ckntw1st3d @causenessus

@maeflowers653 @crispchocolates @moucheslove @staygoldsquatchling02 @phoenix-eclipses

@ji9sstar @zumicho @keeboismine @cloudybillows @kameyyy

@strawberryuri

#hq x reader #haikyuu #hq #haikyuu smau #sugawara koushi x reader #sugawara fic #sugawara x reader #hq sugawara #haikyuu sugawara #sugawara koushi #sugawara x reader smau #hq suga #haikyuu x reader #koushi sugawara x reader #suga x reader #hq smau #series: wild youth

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transmascaraa · 7 months ago

Note

Reader has a subject topic that brings them anxiety anytime it comes up (example - genitalia on biology, a math topic they were never able to grasp and feel like an awful awful idiot who can't learn anything whenever it comes up, etc)

And the sillies notice the readers expression changing to one that isn't so much relaxed anymore

[by sillies I mean characters btw 🫶 I'm just dum and think it's cute]

multiple characters headcannons!

you hate those words...

characters: gaming, xiao, tighnari x gn!reader

author's note: idk i js felt like adding xiao ANYWAYS so basically the reader has some trauma with a specific sentence/some specific words and whenever they hear them, either directed at them or not, they get reminded of that trauma, AND THE SILLIES KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH. so have fun reading<3

✷ Gaming

-he would notice it IMMEDIATELY.

-to him, he would notice it after the next breath you took after hearing those words.

-some random strangers on the street were arguing and that specific traumatic sentence was mentioned.

-your mood and facial expression just drastically changed.

-and cuz he's the good bf he is, he took you to stand by the side with him.

-he comforted you and reassured you that it's in the past now, that it doesn't matter anymore. and ofc that they're just some words, not even directed at you.

-you're getting lots of hugs and kisses afterwards dw

-overall, he'll be willing to help you in any way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

✿ Tighnari

-also notices it pretty quickly.

-you're just so different.

-and he knows that the sentence is himself, so he knows when to look at you and make sure that you're okay.

-again, walking on the street and hearing some strangers arguing and that reminded you of your trauma.

-he notices it fast and discreetly takes your hand in his, whispering you that it's okay and for you to breathe.

-he lets you know that it can't hurt you anymore, it's in the past and won't happen again, because you have him with you.

-the sentence is just some words, some words are just some letters, some letters are just some sounds, and some sounds should be ignored and not paid attention to if they make you uncomfortable.

-that's at least his opinion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

☆ Xiao

-not an expert at noticing it, but he does after like talking to you directly or just let some 5mins pass.

-this time, you were watching a movie and the characters were fighting.

-that sentence.

-you maybe tell him you're going to the bathroom, or to get yourself something like water, he will notice that SOMETHING is wrong.

-he'll be patient with you to tell him what's bothering you.

-and after you do...

-first of all, he doesn't get it why the fuck some words would make you feel anxious.

-but after you explain to him that it's trauma-related, he's willing to help you.

-his way of comfort is just some hugs and cuddles, with "it's okay" here and there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tbh really nice

i love how i did tighnari for some reason

it's cute

| @keeyisbored | @mariaace <3

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cowgurrrl · 2 years ago

Text

What Sarah Said

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: Listen, I don’t normally write babies into a happy ending but I needed this (PS I love this picture of Nico and Pedro)

Summary: “And when I turned to face grief, I saw that it was just love in a heavy coat.” - Shannon Berry aka you and Joel talk about having more kids (kind of a part two to Sweet Jane) [1.7k]

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, talks of child loss (reader has lost a child), talks of pregnancy, grief, lmk if I missed anything!

You blame Maria. Of course, her well-meaning questions and Camille, ever the adorable toddler, got in your head. It started when Maria told you about her son and, in return, you told her about Jane. She started asking if you and Joel ever talked about having kids or even if you had a plan for if you did get pregnant within the QZ. You always had a plan in mind, even before you started with Joel, but you never talked about it as a couple. Then, she told you about how great her labor and delivery team was when she gave birth to Camille and how they have the equipment to care for anything wrong.

That's when she really started pushing it by talking about schools, work schedules, and even play dates. "I know Camille would love to have a little cousin around," she said. It felt foreign and wrong to be talking about having another kid. You think it would feel that way even if Jane were alive, but her absence doesn't make this any easier. She backed off when you asked her to, but she still got into your head. A million different thoughts have been floating around since you saw her earlier. Maybe that's why you ambush Joel with the question before he can even take his boots off.

"Do you think you'd ever want to have another kid?" You ask as he sits next to you on the couch. Ellie went to bed an hour ago, and you figured now was as good a time as any. You could've approached it gentler, especially since he was on patrol all day. Joel immediately sits straight up and gives you a worried look.

"You're not pregnant, are you?"

"No," you think for a moment, doing mental math to ensure. He waits, the anxiety rolling off of him. "No. No, I'm not. Maria just said something when I was over there that made me think." He sighs and buries his head in his hands. You laugh a little at his reaction and put a soothing hand on his back, the muscles relaxing under your touch. He takes a couple of deep breaths before taking his head out of his hands to look at you.

"Yeah, Tommy said something, too."

"What did Tommy say?" You ask.

"He said something about Maria's doctors and then asked if we had talked about having kids," he says, and you scoff. "What did Maria say?"

"Pretty much the same thing. Even brought up how great the schools here are."

"Sounds like we got set up," He says, and you hum in agreement. "What do you think?"

"I don't know. I mean, this was never a possibility for us before. We never talked about it, even before we left Boston. What do you think?"

"I'm not the one who'd be carryin' a baby for nine months, so I don't think it should be my decision."

"Your feminist thought is always appreciated, but that doesn't help." You say, and he falls quiet. You know to wait him out, to let him sort through his thoughts in silence before he speaks. He glances at his broken watch, searching for pieces of her in the shattered glass, before looking at you again.

"Sarah always talked about how much she wanted a little brother or sister, but… I don't know. I was always happy with just her."

"Jane used to say the same thing. But, my pregnancy with her was so brutal, and it may have been because I was so young when I had her, or something went wrong. I never thought I'd do it again," you say. "There's also Ellie to think about. It'd be a big adjustment for her. She already gets anxious if one of us has a cold, let alone growing a human. There's a lot that could go wrong."

After that, you go back and forth, listing all the ways having a baby would alter your life. You wouldn't be able to go on patrol with him anymore. You'd need medicine and vitamins. All the attention would go to the new baby, and Ellie could start feeling left behind. She just got into a normal routine where she goes to a normal school and does what kids her age should do. You can't fuck that up for her. It'd be scary, emotional, and painful, and that's just the pregnancy. Having a toddler was terrifying enough before the world went to shit. How do you keep a kid that small safe in a world so big? It's obviously possible. Camille and the other kids around the commune are evidence enough.

Even as you go through everything that could go wrong, the idea of Joel being a dad again makes something deep within you soften. He's always been so gentle and natural with Camille, even though it's been decades since he's dealt with a kid that small. He sits at the kitchen table every night to help Ellie with her homework, walking her through math problems like it's second nature, even though you can tell he doesn't understand either. He packs her lunch, walks her to school, and doesn't even blink when she walks down wearing one of his shirts. Domesticity looks good on Joel Miller. He's all relaxed shoulders and big smiles. The nightmares still linger in the shadows of both of your minds, but they're manageable.

That's what so much of your lives have been—manageable. "It sucks, but we'll manage" was your motto for much of your life before Ellie and Joel. You said it to Jane more often than not as a reminder that things could be better, but you were also trying really hard to make life easy for her. You said it to Joel when you started doing drops together. Then, you said it to Ellie when trying to get across the country with her. But now, possibly for the first time ever, it feels like you're doing much more than managing. The thought wiggles through your brain until it sits front and center, a bright, shining "Maybe."

"What?" He asks, breaking you out of your reverie. You shake your head, but he nudges you with his leg.

"It's stupid."

"Humor me."

"I just imagined a little you running around. That's all." You say, and he smiles. It's giddy and touches the corners of his eyes. You have to look away before you get sucked in.

"I thought we were just talking about all the reasons not to have a baby."

"We were. It was just… quick. Something fun to think about."

"Tell me about it," He urges, moving closer to you. You sigh as you reach out and push the hair out of his eyes. "Boy or girl?"

"Girl. We both had girls, so I think it'd be a long shot if we had a boy."

"What were you imaginin’?"

"I imagined a little girl with big curls and your nose running around with Ellie. Playing in the snow and learning how to ride horses and driving us fucking crazy. She'd be a troublemaker, and Ellie would love her for it," you say, his smile only getting brighter as you talk. "I'd go out on patrol, and you'd stay home with our girls because even though you're big and scary, you secretly love playing stupid games with them. You'd sing songs to the baby because she couldn't sleep without them, and you'd spoil her half to death. Ellie'd read the baby books about space, and when I come home, we’d cook dinner together and eat as a family, and we’d live an ordinary, unremarkable life in Jackson."

"Ordinary is good. I could live with ordinary."

"It's a nice thought."

"Yeah," Joel says, nodding. You feel like crying, but you're not sure why. How could you cry over something that's not even real?

"Is it bad that I want all that again?" You ask quietly, like you're afraid if you say it too loud, the universe will take everything away from you. Joel's jaw works as he thinks before he grabs your hand.

"No, it's not because I want it, too." He says. You take a deep breath and nod, looking down at your joined hands.

"What do you think our girls would have to say about all this?"

"I think they'd be jumping up and down and screaming about how excited they'd be," he says. "I think they're doing that wherever they are."

"Me too," you say. Something heavy and dark and familiar weighs down that golden ball of hope still sitting in your chest. It aches as nothing else does, pulling the breath from you swiftly and mercilessly. Like a bomb leveling an entire block and everyone there. Like a stray gunshot hitting the wrong person. Like celebrating a birthday every year but never watching your child grow. "I wish they were here." You admit. Joel brings your hand to his lips and kisses it. His watery eyes match yours.

"Me too." He says. There's an unspoken addition to his sentence. Something about how they are still here because they were a part of each of you, perhaps your best parts, and they live on in you. You keep living because of that and because they loved you and wanted you to live even if they couldn't be around to see it. That might be the only solace when you lose a child.

"Are we crazy?"

"Maybe."

"Are we gonna try to have a baby?" You ask, and a smile overtakes his features.

"I thought that's what our whole conversation was just about." He says, and you roll your eyes before climbing onto his lap. It's a position you've been in far too many times, and you justify it by getting to be close to him, but really he's just pretty to look at sometimes. His hands rest on your waist as you settle, both of you still smiling like idiots.

"I want to hear you say it."

"Mrs. Miller," he starts. "I want to have a baby with you because I love you, and I want a million little yous running around our house." He punctuates his sentence by leaning into you and kissing your neck.

"A million?" You ask, tangling your hands in his hair. He hums against your skin.

"A million."

"Can we compromise for one?"

"I can be persuaded."

🍓

taglist: @evyiione @nyotamalfoy @abbyhaslongshorts

#the last of us #joel and ellie #joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #the last of us x reader #joel tlou #joel miller the last of us #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fluff #he’s so girldad your honor #domestic joel miller #he’s so soft #look for the light

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sokoviansimp · 1 year ago

Note

can you please do one of wanda and nat x child reader and getting them to do homework and eat hahahahah i love ur fics btw it makes me feel so warm

✒ Pairings: Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff x Child!Reader (platonic)

✒ Summary: Wanda and Nat try to get you to do your homework and eat your vegetables.

✒ Tags and Warnings: Homework, stubbornness, fluff, anxiety, making friends

✒ Author's Note: I really appreciate the request! I thought this was such a good idea, hopefully, I did it justice! Sorry, it took so long. To the other requests in my inbox, I am sorry I am so slow but I will be getting to them, they're all so good :)

✒ Word Count: 4744+

✒ Read Time: 24 minutes

Masterlist : The Package AU : Socials

“It sounds like a good opportunity, I don’t think it’s ever really too early to start” Nat urged.

“I guess, but she’s just so young,” Wanda claimed as she moved to join her friend on the couch.

“They’ll all be her age, it’s just for a week,” Nat insisted.

Nat had found a program for young children to learn science and math for a week, it was kind of like a day camp. The parents would drop off the young children daily for 4 hours of hands-on learning. She thought this would be good for you since you have been following very closely in Peter’s footsteps when it comes to his interest in math and science. It would also introduce you to a school setting so that it isn’t so far out of your comfort zone next year when you go to attend preschool.

To be truthful, you and Wanda were all Nat could think about lately. She wanted so badly to be there for you two, to help you achieve success and be given opportunities that she could’ve only dreamed of at your age. This sent her down a rabbit hole searching for events or activities you could take part in. Most of them were geared toward older children, but the science camp stated all ages so she jumped on it.

Wanda was hesitant about the program, she didn’t want to push school onto you too early. You should be able to enjoy the time before it completely takes over your life for 14+ years. Nat had a point though, it’s only a week and you would probably really love it. She wasn’t sure how you would react to being left without her all day though, hopefully, now that you have been coming out of your shell the process would be easier but it was hard to say.

Though, it’s inevitable that this will need to happen eventually. One week of practice would be helpful to smooth out the process once it's mandatory. Wanda really admired the way Nat was so enthusiastic about this program, like the way her voice became more animated and expressive. Wanda could hear the slight rise in her tone as she described the activities that you’d get to experience, and the way she leaned closer in proximity to show off the different amenities on the webpage had Wanda holding her breath and overthinking every little movement of her body. As she got lost in the sparkle in Natasha’s eyes, she couldn't help but scrutinize herself for making everything so awkward, ‘don’t move, don’t breathe. Okay, breathe but slowly. Does she notice? why is this making me feel this way? It’s not like we’ve never been close to each other before.’

“What do you think?” Nat jolted her from her spiraling thoughts, both mentally and slightly physically as Wanda startlingly looked at her. Of course, she hadn’t been paying attention to a thing Nat was saying, but she couldn’t know that.

“Hmm, yea that sounds great,” she admitted, hoping she hadn’t just agreed to send you to a shield boot camp or something that only Natasha would find fun.

“Really?” Nat was beaming at the fact that Wanda liked her idea and genuinely hoped you would have a great time.

“Ye- yea, I mean, it’s just a week and she’s going to have to get used to spending time without us.” Wanda went on to explain.

Natasha's heart skipped a beat. Us. She knew what Wanda meant by it and even though she recognized it wasn’t anything that she should read into, Nat couldn't help but analyze it. Such a simple phrase, but it had the prospect to hold so much meaning. Wanda had included her in her vision of your future, as a unit, as us. In reality, Wanda knew Natasha would always be there for you, but Natasha couldn’t help but feel a wave of warmth and happiness wash over her at the thought of it meaning something more, causing her cheeks to flush and a smile to form on her face.

When Wanda and Nat told you about the camp, you were initially really excited, until you found out that you’d have to go alone. Sure, they would drop you off, but then they would leave, and then, who would protect you if something went wrong? Who would be there to hold you when you got nervous around the crowd of unfamiliar faces?

“Mama?” you broke the silence as you sat snuggled into her side on the couch of the common room, enveloped in mostly darkness except for the soft glow from the television.

“Yes, detka?” she glanced down at you as your head tilted up to meet your eyes with hers.

“Do I have to go to da sciewence schoowl?” you asked softly, just barely above a whisper, not wanting to make trouble but you couldn’t get the fact that you would have to go alone out of your mind.

Wanda immediately shifted her full attention to you in an attempt to create a safe and open space for you to express your worries, “I thought you were excited?”

“Well, I am- I was, but, I don't want to go wiffout you or Natty.” you admitted as you translated your fears from thoughts into words.

"I see, I understand that you're feeling nervous about going without us, and that's completely okay, my love. It's natural to feel a little anxious when we step out of our comfort zone," she said as she gently rubbed your arm in soothing motions. She wanted to help you work through these feelings instead of blocking off new opportunities due to fear. In the end, she wouldn’t force you to go, but she would do everything she could to get you open to the experience.

“You know, even adults get feelings like these when they're about to try something new or go to unfamiliar places. I remember when I first joined the Avengers, I felt a mix of excitement and nerves. But you know what?”

“What?”

“It turned out to be an incredible journey filled with wonderful people and unforgettable adventures. I got to meet my two favorite people in the whole world"

“Me?” your expression shifted from nervous to curious, as you wondered where Wanda was going with this.

“Yes you, and Nat,” she says unable to mask the smile that forms near automatically from the mention of her best friend.

“What if, der is no one der for me?” you wonder

"You will have so many other kids there that are your age that you can make friends with, malysh"

“What if dey don’t wike me?” You were genuinely worried about meeting other kids your age. You’ve only ever been around adults and you weren’t quite sure what to expect. Would they all already know each other? Would there be a certain way you were expected to act around them?

"What’s not to like? You have the kindest heart and the most beautiful spirit of anyone I know.” she was speaking from the heart as she genuinely believed what she told you. Wanda watched you go from this scared little girl who was being held captive in a Hydra base to a kid who gets excited to talk about the solar system and wildlife habitats with Peter. She watched you open up and accept these people, even the men on the team, into your life despite your wariness. She’s sure you are capable of anything you really put your mind to, “Making friends has one simple rule and if you follow it, it's practically foolproof, do you know what that is?”

You just shook your head in response, waiting for her to continue.

“Just be yourself. If you do that you'll attract real friends who appreciate you for who you are," she said as she tapped your chest, pointing to your heart.

“Be myself?” you wondered what it meant as you repeated the words on your own tongue. You don’t recall ever acting like someone else. “Who else would I be?”

Wanda couldn't help but chuckle at your innocence and how cute you were, “Some people try to change for others. They change their personalities, their opinions, and sometimes even their looks just to fit in with other people.”

“Oh. so, wike, pwetending?”

"Exactly! You are capable of so much more than you realize, my little one. Have faith in yourself."

You thought over her words as the show continued to play in front of you on the TV. You were so close to being on board with it, but you couldn’t get over the possibility of being stuck there without a way out. The way Wanda spoke so highly of you, gave you the confidence you needed to believe you could make friends, but what if everything really did go horribly wrong, would you be stuck there all day?

“Mama?” you continued the conversation after a few minutes of watching tv had passed.

“Hmm?”

“I want to go to da sciewence schoowl, but what if I need you when I der?”

Wanda thought about this for a moment, You're far too young to have a cell phone, but a communication line wouldn’t be such a bad thing for you. It could help calm your anxiety and in her line of work, anything could happen so it would make things safer.

“Well, if there is something really important, you can tell your teacher and she can get ahold of me,” Wanda explained. You didn’t seem too satisfied with that answer though as you gave a somber acknowledgment. What if you weren't able to get the teacher's attention, or the teacher just plain refused, the plan just didn't seem very solid.

Wanda could see that you weren’t content with her solution, “Or I can show you a trick,” she offered.

Your face perked up, immediately intrigued, your little hands clutching a stuffed toy tightly, gazed up at Wanda with wide-eyed wonder, “a trick?” you asked

“Close your eyes, my little one,” Wanda explained and you did as she instructed, “now, take a deep breath. Imagine a warm light surrounding us, enveloping us like a soft, protective blanket. or a big fluffy cloud”

As you sat with your eyes closed, a serene smile graced Wanda's face. She concentrated, allowing her own powers to flow through her, and extended her thoughts toward you. With a gentle touch of her mind, she created a bridge between your thoughts, a telepathic connection unique to you.

"Now, detka," Wanda whispered, "I want you to think of something you want to tell me, but without saying it out loud. Just focus on the feeling and the words in your mind."

Your brows furrowed and your face scrunched in concentration, your little face reflecting the effort of trying to convey your thoughts through this newfound connection. Wanda could feel your tiny mind reaching out tentatively, like a fragile thread stretching between the two of you.

With each passing moment, the connection grew stronger, and soon your eyes fluttered open, revealing a mixture of surprise and delight. "Mama, can you hear me?" your innocent voice echoed softly between your minds, blending with the quiet hum of the room.

Wanda's heart swelled with joy as she nodded, her eyes shimmering with pride. "Yes, dorogoy, I can hear you!" she exclaimed, "Our thoughts are connected now, and no matter where we are, we can talk to each other like this. Whenever you need me, I will be there for you,” she explained.

In that magical moment, your minds intertwined, You two shared a connection that transcended words. With telepathy, you could communicate your deepest thoughts, dreams, and feelings, strengthening the unbreakable bond between mother and child. Perhaps most importantly to you though, you were able to reach Wanda without the confines of distance.

As you sat there, immersed in your newfound ability, Wanda couldn't help but marvel at the wonder of it all. She knew that this telepathic connection would serve as a source of comfort and reassurance for you, a constant reminder that you were always connected, even when physically apart.

With that, you were content with the decision to attend the science camp. Not only that, but you were excited again. Instead of focusing on the parts that worried you, you were able to shift your focus onto all the exciting things you were bound to learn and discover. Your mind ran wild with outrageous theories, like discovering fossils or trying to figure out the speed of a flamingo by simply racing beside it.

The first day of camp approached rather quickly. In the days leading up, you would often use your new ability to have silent conversations with Wanda. Sometimes you would do it to practice and make sure that you still could when you needed to, and other times you did it to express feelings and emotions that you had trouble translating into words.

Wanda and Nat were both there to drop you off on your first day, you were less nervous than they expected you to be which they were grateful for. Now that you were able to contact Wanda you felt safe in exploring new experiences alone, and maybe that's because you never felt alone, because she would always be there for you if you needed.

The camp was divided into different age groups. The majority of the kids were 4th and 5th graders, but there was a small group of children your age. Wanda and Nat were grateful that you would have enough children to socialize with but not so many that it would seem overwhelming. Hopefully, with the smaller group, it would be easier to make friends.

In fact, you didn't even get to the classroom before you made your first friend, “Hi, I’m Matthew, what's your name?” you turned to the voice that spoke behind you, “Hi! I’m Y/N” you greeted. “Y/N! Dat’s a cool name! You wike space too? I wove space!” he mentioned as he noticed your shirt that showed a playful astronaut floating in space, holding a slice of pizza in one hand and giving a thumbs-up with the other reading Pizza Planet Explorer, “Wanna be fwreinds?” he asked.

You were caught off guard by how quickly he spoke and became distracted, but of course, you wanted to make friends and you already had something in common, “Yes, we can be fwreinds, I love space too. My favowite planet is Saturn” you enthusiastically replied.

“I wike Jupiter da most cuz it’s da biggest,” Matthew responded.

The two of you sat next to each other throughout the demonstrations and even shared a table at lunch. Wanda had packed you a container of yogurt, sliced strawberries and baby carrots, and some Mini turkey and cheese roll-ups which were basically just a turkey sandwich rolled into bite-sized pieces for easy eating. At the bottom of your lunch box, there was a note that read,

My Dearest Y/N,

I hope you're having a wonderful day at school! I am so incredibly proud of you. Remember, my little superhero, you have the power to do anything you set your mind to. Each day, you're growing stronger, smarter, and more amazing. I can't wait to hear all about your day when you come home. Keep shining bright, my sunshine.

With all my love,

Mama

You couldn’t help but smile as you attempted to read the note, you still weren’t really able to read but you were able to pick out keywords like love, smarter, amazing, and superhero, so you got the vibe and felt comforted by it, which is all Wanda had hoped for.

“What’s dat?” Matthew asked as he saw you set the note down next to your baby carrots. “Oh, my mama wrote me a note” you explained.

“Oh wow, she must really love you,” he stated as he wondered why he never received any notes with his meal.

“Yea, she does,” you said with a gleaming smile.

You managed to survive the entire day without contacting Wanda at all. She hoped it was a good sign as she and Nat headed to pick you up. They were made sure to be there 5 minutes before pick-up so that you wouldn’t have to wait, knowing you’d be excited to see them and tell them all about how it went.

As soon as the door opened for dismissal, you immediately found Wanda’s green eyes and ran full speed with your arms stretched out reaching for a hug. She enveloped tightly you as she lifted you off the ground for a long embrace. The two were happy to see that your face was filled with nothing but joy.

Wanda continued to carry you as the three of you headed toward the car. Wanda ducked into the driver's seat after getting you settled into your car-seat and Nat took the seat next to you in the back so that she could hear all about your day.

“Sooo, how was it? Tell us all about it!” Nat insisted.

“Was so fun! We learned bout uhm- OH! JUPITER HAS A RAINSTORM! And Mafwew said dat if we went to space, der wouldn’t be any noise.”

“Matthew?” Wanda asked as she caught glimpses of you speaking through her rear view mirror.

“Yea mama! My new fwiend! He wikes space tew!” you excitedly announced. You went on to tell them all about the things that you learned and how much fun you had with Matthew. Tomorrow couldn't come quick enough.

“Did they give you any homework?” Nat asked once you had finished.

“Oh yea, is in my bag” you answered as you showed Nat where it was in your bag. She read over the instructions and mentioned that you could do it right when you got home. The assignment wasn’t anything too difficult, but it sure was time-consuming.

The project was about energy and showing how much we consume every day. The worksheet was laid out so that all you had to fill in were blocks of color. You were given a piece to plug into your outlets and once you had the item mentioned plugged in, it would show an amount. Then you had to fill in the bubble that corresponded with the range on your outlet.

Nat and Wanda both helped you through this but you soon became bored and no longer wanted to do it. It was so repetitive and your toys were sitting right there just waiting to be played with. Eventually you got through it without making too much of a fuss and you could finally get on with what you wanted to do, except that didn't last long because before you knew it, Wanda was telling you it was bathtime.

“But mama, I just stawrted pwlayin” you said somberly.

Wanda wanted to give you more time to play but it was already getting late and you had to be up early tomorrow, “I know, I’m sorry baby, but it’s late and you need a bath before camp tomorrow.” Without a fight, you reluctantly followed hoping that tomorrow would be better.

When you arrived home from camp the next day, the same dreaded question was asked, “Do you have any homework today?” You remembered how long and grueling your homework was last night, and instead of showing them the papers that your teacher gave you, today, you simply shook your head. Of course, Nat, the trained super spy, noticed the hesitation in your response as the gears turned in your brain and saw right through you. Deciding that she would look in your bag herself once you all arrive at the compound.

You immediately ran to the common room to play with your toys. Natasha, in the kitchen with Wanda, investigated your bag as Wanda cleaned your lunch box. “No homework huh?” Nat muttered as she held up your papers for Wanda to see. They shared a knowing look as Nat mentioned she would talk to you while Wanda finished cleaning out your lunch.

Natasha entered the common room, a concerned expression on her face, holding your backpack in her hand. She had a feeling something was off when you claimed there was no homework. She sat down next to you, as you played with your toys.

"Hey, sweetheart," Natasha said gently, placing the bag on the coffee table. "I happened to find something interesting in your backpack. Do you want to explain why you said you didn't have any homework?"

Your eyes widened, realizing you had been caught in your little white lie. You fidgeted with your toys, avoiding Natasha's gaze. "I... I didn't want to do it. It- it takes SOO long, and den I don’t get to play." you admitted.

Natasha reached out and gently turned your face towards her, meeting your eyes. "Sweetheart, I understand that homework can sometimes feel dull, but it's important to be honest with us. We're here to help and support you, but we need to know what's going on."

Wanda entered the room once your bag was all cleaned. Sensing the tension, she knelt down beside Natasha and spoke in a reassuring tone. "Y/N, we want you to succeed in everything you do. And that includes being honest, even when it's hard. We're a family, and families trust and support each other."

A family.

Natasha noticed the term and felt elated that she was included in the phrase. The three of you were a family. It didn’t matter whether Wanda and Nat were best friends, or something more than that; the three of you were family. You felt their endless love, even if they hadn’t figured out that part of that love lay within each other.

Your lower lip quivered, realizing the weight of your actions. "I'm sorry, Natty. I didn't mean to lie."

Natasha's expression softened, and she pulled you into a comforting hug. "It's okay, sweetheart. We all make mistakes, and the important thing is to learn from them. Let's work on being honest with each other, alright?"

Wanda joined the hug, enveloping you both in her warm embrace. "We love you, Y/N, no matter what. And we're here to help you with your homework too. It doesn't have to be boring. We can find fun and creative ways to learn together."

You sniffled, feeling a mix of relief and remorse. They were right. Lying wasn't the solution, and you knew deep down that they were always there to support her. You nodded, determined to make things right.

“It can be fun?” you wondered how they planned to turn such a mundane task into something, fun.

“We can turn it into a special challenge!" Nat chimed in

You looked up, curious about the proposal. "A challenge?"

Wanda chimed back in, joining the conversation. "That's right, sweetheart! We'll create a reward system for each task you complete. Once you finish your homework, we can all have a movie night or make your favorite dessert together."

Your eyes lit up with excitement. "Really? We can have a movie night?"

Natasha nodded. "Absolutely! But first, we need to get those homework assignments done. Let's break it down into smaller tasks, so it feels less overwhelming. We'll be right here with you, cheering you on."

Wanda took your hand and sat beside you at the table. Nat and Wanda each took turns reading different questions out for you.

With their gentle encouragement and the promise of a fun reward, you felt motivated. They both stayed by your side, offering guidance and praise as you worked through each task. They made the process enjoyable by adding some playful moments and even turning math problems into little games.

As you completed each question, you couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. With every finished task, you grew more confident and proud of yourself. By the time you completed your last assignment, you practically beamed with joy. Almost as if homework was just as fun as playtime with your toys.

Natasha and Wanda gathered around you, excitedly applauding your efforts. "Great job, Y/N! You did it!" Natasha exclaimed.

Wanda hugged you tightly. "We're so proud of you, sweetheart."

You grinned, feeling a sense of pride and happiness wash over you. With your two favorite people by your side, even homework could turn into an adventure filled with love and support; and as promised, you all enjoyed a delightful movie night, celebrating your achievements. You had shocked both Wanda and Nat with your choice of movie for the night, Planet 51, purely because it was something other than Frozen.

For the rest of the week, Natasha and Wanda made it a point to create a positive and engaging homework routine for you. They turned studying into a fun activity, incorporating games, rewards, and plenty of encouragement. You learned that honesty and open communication were far more rewarding than any short-lived escape from homework.

Together, you tackled assignments, explored new concepts, and celebrated each milestone. You discovered that learning could be an exciting journey, especially when shared with your favorite people.

A few days later, the aroma of a freshly cooked meal wafted through the air of the kitchen, tempting your taste buds and filling the room with mouthwatering scents as you sat patiently at the table. Once Wanda had begun serving up plates of food, you noticed that the meal was something that you had no interest in eating. Your once adventurous appetite had transformed into a discerning palate, making mealtime a challenge for your loving guardians, Natasha and Wanda.

"Come on, Y/N," Natasha coaxed, her voice gentle but firm. "You need to eat your vegetables. They'll make you strong like a superhero."

Your bottom lip jutted out, and you crossed her arms, proclaiming, "I don't like vegables, Natty!"

Wanda, with her patient demeanor, joined in, her voice filled with warmth. "But sweetheart, vegetables have magical powers! They can give you energy to run fast like-" Wanda abruptly cut her sentence short at the sudden realization that you had never met her brother. Pietro never had the chance to become an uncle before his life was tragically taken from her, him. She struggled to come up with a new comparison, as her mind was scrambling to revive her sentence. Nat immediately picked up on Wanda’s distress and quickly put a reassuring hand on Wanda’s shoulder as she took over, “They can make you strong like Mr. Bucky and Peter,” Nat concluded.

The presence of Nat’s hand on her shoulder quelled Wanda’s mind from running in circles trying to backpedal as she focused on the way it felt to have Nat soothingly move her hand from her shoulder to her back in a messy circular motion, subconsciously leaning into her ever so slightly.

You glanced skeptically at the colorful array of vegetables on your plate. "Really?"

Natasha nodded, a playful sparkle in her eyes. "Absolutely! And if you eat your vegetables, you might even develop some superpowers of your own."

You carried the skepticism into your look back to Nat, “I alweady hab powers!” You said as you called her out.

Nat’s eyes widened ever so slightly as she remembered that little detail but you didn’t catch the slight crack in her resolve. She was so used to treating you like a kid, like a normal kid, that she began to suppress the fact that you are in fact enhanced yourself, “New ones,” she responded as she covered up her slight oversight.

Wanda smiled as she watched the interaction, her voice filled with excitement. "Perhaps you'll develop the power to talk to animals or create beautiful flowers with just a wave of your hand."

Your imagination ignited, and you tentatively reached for a small piece of broccoli, eyeing it with newfound intrigue. Hesitantly taking a bite, to your surprise, a burst of flavor danced on your tongue.

"Yummy!," You exclaimed, a hint of both shock and amazement in your voice.

Natasha and Wanda exchanged triumphant glances, their plan unfolding successfully. They knew that sometimes a dash of imagination and a sprinkle of superhero magic were all it took to conquer a picky eater's heart.

Encouraged by your enthusiasm, Natasha and Wanda continued to weave tales of vegetable-powered adventures, turning each bite into a step closer to unlocking extraordinary powers. With every vegetable conquered, your confidence grew, and soon the plate was empty—a victorious battle won against the picky eater dilemma.

As you savored the last bite, you looked up at Natasha and Wanda, a bright smile lighting up your face. "I did it! I ate all my vegebles, just wike a real superhero!"

Natasha and Wanda shared a proud glance, their hearts brimming with joy. Together, they celebrated the triumph of a small victory, knowing that love, creativity, and a touch of superhero magic had transformed a picky eater into a courageous little hero.

Taglist: @mymommawanda@livslifeonline@reggierizzoli@mythixmagic@lesbicentism@marvelogic@katethewriter @inluvwithfictionalwomen @spooky-reader1 @marvelogic @kissforvoid

320 notes · View notes

broadwaybalogna · 6 months ago

Note

send prompts it is!!

because I just finished a math test and need my blorbos to suffer with me, let's have zutara in a modern au where they take a math test together! 😊

one of them would have a pretty low score and fluff and comfort ensues

(i hope I pass)

I’ve literally been waiting all night for another prompt to pop into my inbox and this is so cute omg!!!

Have I ever said how much I love modern Zutara? Because I LOVE modern Zutara.

Also- I hope you pass your test! Sending all luck your way~

Oh yeah, before I start this. I would like to reiterate that I am an American. Apparently different counties have different ways of grading but for me an A is a 90-100, a B is an 80-90 and a C is around a 70-80. D is 64 up and F is anything below. Just thought I should point that out before I begin.

Zuko moved out of his dad’s house when he was fifteen. Well, more like he was kicked out and he displayed little to no reluctance to leave. After his mother had left, he had little hope of seeing his father redeem himself.

But Zuko found that old habits died hard. Because even though his uncle was one of the most caring people he had ever met, there was still this overwhelming anxiety Zuko felt when he did something wrong. Especially in school.

In Zuko’s experience, school was the easiest way for Ozai to control Zuko. He spent most of his nights either studying or hiding, only ever leaving his room for dinner. His father checked his grades twice a day (he had figured out Zuko’s school username and password) to make sure Zuko was on top of everything. So when Zuko moved, his mentality regarding school didn’t change, even if his environment had.

He found himself still cooped up in his room reading through books, skipping meals, and solving equations well into the night.

That changed when he met Katara.

Katara was what many people called a “nerd”. But she still looked pretty so she didn’t get teased nearly as much as she would’ve had she not been. Katara, like Zuko, aced tests and projects. However, Katara, unlike Zuko, was an enthusiastic learner. She would raise her hand every chance she got in class to answer a question or ask for clarification. She even sometimes corrected their teachers on their mistakes. Needless to say, Zuko gave her a lot of side eyes.

They didn’t have very many classes together, especially since she was a grade below his, but she had been moved up to Zuko’s Math, English, and Physics classes. She apparently also took on level Biology which made Zuko’s head spiral.

At first, they barely spoke a word to one another. But once acknowledging each others academic achievements, they began so talk every so often during free time in classes. Katara would often be working on something for another class while they talked, though. Zuko still found it relaxing. Although she enjoyed it more, she still understood the pressures of school and the mental spirals it would put people through.

One thing led to another and they began studying together as well. Zuko couldn’t really help her with Biology (it was an elective. Seriously, who takes a core class as an elective??) but they exchanged notes and shortcuts for other classes. Zuko was able to give her a lot of tips on writing papers for English since he had a politician for a father (finally, Ozai was good for something).

Katara was a beast at math, though. She tackled each problem like it was common sense. Since it was a higher level, she was still challenged, but not nearly as much as other kids in their class were. It was no wonder Katara also took physics, the science that revolves around math.

The one thing she struggled with was history. Zuko learned very early into their friendship that Katara was absolute ass at memorizing anything. The only way she was able to memorize formula’s was because she would repeat them over and over throughout study sessions until it drove them both insane. So Zuko found himself helping her most with that subject.

One night, when a study session ran much longer than it should’ve, Iroh suggested she stay with the two of them for the night. That was her first and most notably, not last, sleepover at Zuko’s. Actually, it was the furthest thing from her last. It became part of their routine for her to stay over once or twice a week to keep studying. Iroh tried to get them to relax and take breaks every so often, which they did, but most of their time was spent either studying or talking.

Then even more of their time was spent talking.

Then a really good portion of their time was spent going on walks midday and talking.

And Zuko enjoyed it so much. He seriously enjoyed just being able to breathe. He felt genuenly free when he was with Katara, studying or not.

But both Zuko and Katara soon realized that prioritizing their mental health over school had consequences.

It had been time for their unit test in math, a test both of them had forgotten to study for the night before. Zuko mentally beat himself up over and he could see Katara out of the corner of his eye drop her head onto her desk.

They were so screwed.

Or, well, just Zuko was screwed. Turned out that Katara’s ‘mathematical Common sense formulas’ came in handy and get her an 79% on the test. Although she had never gotten a grade below an 85 in the class, she still let out a sigh when she checked her grade in her phone.

“Are they out?” Zuko asked, already pulling out his phone to check his own grade.

“Yeah. Ugh, I’m so screwed. Sit brought down my semester grade to a 89.”

“That big of a jump? I thought you had a 96 earlier?”

“This was worth a lot of points. I feel so stupid.”

Katara continued to ramble but Zuko tuned her out as he looked at his grade from the light below him.

61.

He pursed his lips and closed his eyes, convinced that it was all a hallucination.

“Nine was a hellscape and- hey, are you okay?” He heard Katara say as he looked back down to his phone.

61.

It was still there, staring at him, no, laughing at him from the grade-book. Zuko felt like he could hear his father’s voice yelling at him, lecturing him over the horrifying careers that lie ahead of him based on this one mistake.

“Zuko? Can you hear me?”

Could he hear her? For some reason, he didn’t know how to answer.

“Iroh! Something’s going on with Zuko!” That was the last thing Zuko registered before he felt his chest heave and his mind race.

When Zuko could finally register the things around him again, he was in his bed laying down. He turned to his side and saw Katara pacing in his bedroom.

“Kat?”

“Zuko! Oh my god, toh scared the bejesus out of me! Are you okay? Do you need me to get you a water?”

“That would be nice.”

“Good, because I already got you one.” Katara tached over to Zuko’s bedside table and passed him a cup of water. Classic Katara, always being one step ahead. “Iroh said you had a panic attack. I assume it was over- um…” Zuko thought back to what had happened. Right.

“Yeah, my bad.”

“Oh no! Not your bad! In no way is this your bad, Zuko! This is your shitty father’s bad- no- your shitty father’s worst,” she corrected herself.

“Hmm,” he hummed.

“Zuko,” Katara finally said, lowering her voice and finally becoming more calm, “I don’t really know much about your relationship with your dad- or school. But it was so nice seeing you actually happy and talking these past few days. It really put things into perspective for me. I realize that I’ve been studying so much all the time, that I never thought about how it affected you. I’m sorry.”

“What? No, don’t be sorry. My relationship with school is.. complicated at best, but in no way is any of it your fault,” he sat up to face Katara, “but I have realized how much more I like being free. I just need to find a balance.”

“Could I- could I help you find it?” Katara asked after a short moment has passed.

“I’d love that.”

They both smiled and Katara engulfed Zuko in a soul-crushing hug. Zuko’s heart did a little flip and he let out a sigh.

He liked this.

He also might like Katara.

He was happy with those conclusions.

It’s 1am and I have state testing tomorrow (today??) so GOODNIGHT!

#atla #zutara #atla katara #atla zuko #avatar the last airbender #katara #zuko #fanfiction #katara x zuko #zuko x katara #fanfic #drabble

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milks-thoughts · 1 year ago

Note

Rottmnt x human sister reader, splinter decides she should go to a human high school so she could be around her own kind and learn more. And the bros are all pretty protective over this and are worried about her being in human school.

I’m trying out a new header style! Tell me if you enjoy it or if I should go back to the color strips!

Summary: Reader goes to school, hell ensues

TW: vomiting, a nasty panic attack in a public space, talk of animals insides

Notes: anyone mentioned in this that isn’t from Rise is an oc of mine! Please don’t use them in any works without explicit permission

Study Sessions

You stared at your father as he called a family meeting, usually, these go horribly wrong. Especially as of recently, when your father decided that you, the youngest and the only girl (other than your older sister, April) should go to school…and not the school Donnie and (as of recent) Draxum have been teaching. No, human school. A human high school. You sat down at the table and hugged your knees to your chest, Donnie leaning on the wall, Raph and Leo sitting in the chairs and Mikey sitting on the counter. Splinter smiled but before he could speak Red spoke “ Pops- if this is about school I’m sure Donnie could teach her about algebra and..whatever else human kids learn! “ Donnie snarked “ I could teach her rocket science! “ Splinter nodded “ I’m sure you could purple but, she needs to be with other humans, learn to socialize “ you looked away as he slid papers on the table “ April’s parents did me a favor and enrolled her with Casey Jr! “ you felt doom and anxieties cloud your chest, you took the papers and read it, the papers were illegal documents that Donnie made…you read through each line before getting your schedule. How fun. It was seven classes a day with each class being an essential skill…apparently. What I’m the actual fuck is Home Ec.

The next few weeks came quicker than anticipated. Donnie made you and Casey matching bracelets, they were emergency bracelets (ignoring that your ninpō could just…tell them if something was wrong). And of course they were genius tech! He was making an empire after all! You did clothes shopping with April and also learned how to be socially acceptable with not only April's help, but also Sunita…and finally, the dreaded day. You and Casey stood shoulder to shoulder and stared at the high school, it was bustling, a few interesting faces but mostly everyone already knew each other. There was a larger group, of about seven people. You noted how one had a pretty sapphire necklace and a prosthetic arm that was so fluid it rivaled Donnie’s own he made for Leo. You gave Casey a hopeful smile and walked into the high school, you were immediately overstimulated. Going from a rather empty sewer to a high school was anxiety filling. A blonde haired girl bumped into you, when you turned to apologize for being in her way she immediately apologized. She was probably 5 '6 with sea green eyes and blonde hair “ my names Nyssa, you two seem a bit lost- do you need some help? “ Casey immediately nodded, Nyssa smiled and held out her hand “ oh right! They/Them! "Oops. You smiled and spoke your name, Casey following your lead. Nyssa led you two to your first class “ Your schedules are exactly the same, I didn’t know they could do that. You may get separated when testing comes up, you could be boosted into honors or lowered to just skills class “ Nyssa stopped at the first door. How amazing, math at 8 AM.

When the class finished you saw the white haired boy meet up with a brown haired girl with a tiger eye brooch. All the jewelry you’ve been seeing was very similar to Sunitas cloaking device, the brown haired girl seemed to be a senior based on how old she looked and sounded. You smiled and led Casey to your other classroom. Science.. how lovely, you knew you’d get this fine. Casey had a bit less of knowledge than you, they didn’t exactly have a need for schooling in the apocalypse. While you…well your brain has been nurtured by your older brother since the both of your youth. You could speak four different languages fluently, you could do some math that college students learn, you could do most things. Your biggest problem? American history. You learned Japanese history, your father telling you myths and legends that he learned. And you knew a bit of history from China. A sudden electrical feeling ran through you and Casey, it was simply a blue warmth, less like a fire or a sun and more like an electric heat. You were more than happy to welcome it into your ninpō, walking with it through your science class. It was simple biology, you slept through most of it with Casey and answered any questions sent your way. It left soon after second period and left you alone during third.

Then it was time for your language class…you spoke flawlessly, holding a full conversation with the teacher in Spanish before halfway switching to Japanese to see if the teacher could too. He couldn’t. Casey suddenly spoke up next to you and you turned, the two of you happily chattering in Japanese, sometimes clicking at each other before you realized that was weird, so you continued in Japanese. Yes, both you and Casey are fluent in the “ turtle language “ but shhh that doesn’t matter. Language class moved quickly and then off to fourth. You met Nyssa again, they said hello as you sat down next to Casey in biology. It was announced that you’ll be dissecting something. When you questioned what the teacher smiled “ oh! we’ll be dissecting something super exciting tomorrow, a red eared slider! “ you felt queasy. Quickly shooting up your hand to ask for the restroom, you sped off and found yourself emptying your stomach in the school hallway, a trash can in your hold, your ninpō going crazy and altering not only all of your brothers of your panicking but also a feeling…someone who was spewing mystic energy somewhere in this school, and no, it wasn’t Draxum. His mystic powers felt a certain…way. It wasn’t long before Casey found you and rubbed your back. The feeling of Raphs sturdy ninpō wrapping around your panicking one helped calm you down. You breathed and wiped your mouth with a sanitary wipe Donnie was demanding you keep with you. Slowly you and Casey went back to class, you still looked clammy and jumpy as you sat down and looked anywhere but the board that was a display of snapping turtles insides, Casey was holding it together, but barely. Like an overstuffed suitcase. The bell soon rang after that.

You made your way to lunch where you spoke to Draxum a bit and then was swept away by Nyssa. Brought to a table with the same few interesting people you’ve seen that day. When you really got closer to them, most of the jewelry was spewing mystic energy…cloaking devices. The brown haired senior was named Bellezza, there was a tan girl with short curly hair and a seal coat named Öskra, a blonde senior with blue eyes named River, she had a opal gemstone in a choker on her neck. A brown haired girl named Ésme who shared a ruby ring with the white haired boy (whom you learned was named Mason) and was the only one who didn’t buzz with mystic energy. And the last person, a black haired boy with burgundy eyes named Alexander, he had a garnet bracelet on. They all seemed to be able to pick up on your free flowing ninpō, and how it was prickling from previous panic. You were stuck close to Casey as you rested through lunch, your ninpō reaching and searching for two in particular. One that kind of felt like Mc Donald’s sprite and the electrical warmth. They both responded immediately, their ninpōs like two cats curling around a scared kitten. Your ninpō is the metaphorical kitten.

You didn’t eat lunch that day, moving into fifth period, ELA. The teacher gave you a free period and you simply slept. Your lashes attached to your cheek before you woke up with a startled noise, your eyes wide before looking up. There was your purple clad brother, staring at you as you looked at the ceiling tiles. You glared at him, before looking around and getting yourself into the roof quickly “ what are you doing here?! “ you hissed “ I’m just seeing how my dear sister is doing! and if this school is really better than my teachings! '' you sighed “ it’s super easy right now- “ Donnie laughed “ of course it is! He said confidently “ you smiled at your brother and sighed “ How’s everyone holding up at home? '' Donnie hummed “ Nardo has been fighting Raph to not just portal in this school and hunt you down. I didn’t let him come! “ you stared at him dead panned “ and you can? '' Donnie stared and then slowly backed away into the shadows of the dusty air vent. You dropped down quietly after that and slipped back into your seat, knocking dust off yourself. The bell rang again…god you were tired of that damn bell. Time for sixth period.

Next was a world history class. The teacher had turtles as a class pet, you were immediately drawn to them. Casey watched as you quietly chirped and rumbled at them. The turtles craning their heads closer to you as you made noises at them, their quiet voices responding. You quickly scampered to your seat, far away from Casey. Squished between two boys that made your ninpō scream and demand you return to Casey’s side, anxieties pulling your brain into mush. The teacher put on a video about ancient Egyptian mythology. Stuff you already knew. Your eyes grew heavy as you fell asleep, halfway through your rest the sound of a large bang startled you awake.

You whipped back with a noise and fell out of your chair. Backing up a bit, you didn’t see a classroom. You saw the tunnels, kraang infested as they chased you and your brothers. Raph missing. That was your whole mission, to retrieve your oldest brother. Leo and Casey Jr got separated. Mikey and Donnie hid in the tank. Leaving you, to get stolen away. You fumbled and looked around for something, anything to fight the kraang. Someone grabbed your arm and you started hitting it, the arm didn’t relent, it was softly pulling you away from the tunnel. The whole…incident… was traumatic for you. any really, everyone. You, Casey, Raph, and Leo got the nastiest of the flashbacks. The yokai therapist that the family got said they were classified as panic attacks. Even as the soft arms pushed you to the floor you continued hitting and thrashing, pausing when the feeling of something wrapping around your ninpō entered your brain. Your body is basically shocked to real life. Casey was holding you by your arms, you had hot tears running down your face and hurt vocal cords. You stared at him and blinked before letting out a quiet sob and leaning forward, him just holding you throughout the entirety of sixth period.

You guys didn’t go to seventh period. You just sat in the corner of a hallway and breathed, at some point the same blonde senior, River, came and sat down with you two. And after that? Mason, the albino boy, and Bellezza the senior with auburn hair joined her. They were all siblings, Casey theorized that they were wolf yokai based on how they flocked like a pack. Seventh period ended quickly, when April came to get you guys she immediately noticed the tense mood from you two, walking back to the sewers…she could only wonder how the brothers would react. When the three of you walked in, Raph was the first to notice you being back, he looked at your and Casey’s sour faces and lowered his snout so it rested on your head and hugged you, chuffing hard enough your entire body vibrated. You made small similar noises, but they were weak and halfhearted. Raph was so worried about what happened to you at school. Leo and Donnie soon returned to the main area and joined the upwards cuddle session, Casey and April being pulled into it as they all wrapped around Raph to feel his churrs, Mikey soon attaching to Raphs shells and starting to chur as well, you forgot how amazing it felt to be held like this. You took off your cloaking device and the scars that were hidden from the public eye became known. Oh how much they wanted to ask about school, why your ninpō wailed in pain, why your chirps that normally sounded so nice were half hearted and deflated

#rottmnt x reader #rottmnt #rottmnt x you #save rottmnt #angst #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #this is all purely platonic #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt raph #rottmnt mikey #platonic #I PUT MY ENTIRETY IN THIS.#2088 words.#holy fuck #please god let people want more of this. it’s so fun to write

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piles-of-numbers · 1 year ago

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hi, I wrote / doodled my aroace journey for pride

id below the keep reading

ID: A series of 10 images featuring a handwritten story and doodles along the way. They read as follows:

Growing up, I believed my life would follow a certain path. (Doodle: footpath with grass around it). It was the path of all my favorite books, shows, movies, etc. Doodle of a row of five triangular flags along a path. The first is labeled "meet a guy," the second is labeled "we develop some witty banter," the third is labeled "He confesses his love for me," the fourth is labeled "???", and the fifth and final one is labeled "Profit."

That path was in my mind during most interactions with my guy friends. Doodle of a stick figure posed with hand on face, considering another stick figure. Next to the stick figure is a list: nice (check), funny (check), smart (check), likes me??. These candidates became my crushes. I waited for a confession. Sometimes, my friends would suggest I take initiative. Doodle of the same stick figure in a thoughtful pose, along with two more stick figures. One says "You should ask him out!" The other says "Yeah!". But something about the idea felt off.

I told myself I wanted to focus on school instead. (Doodle of a paper with an A on it, two books titled Math and Biology. In truth, the idea of dating didn't really excite me. I thought that there was nothing wrong with being single. Thought it wouldn't be the end of the world if I just kept to myself. But all those stories taught me about what happened to those kinds of sentiments. Doodle of a stick figure, hands on stick hips, saying "I'm better off alone!". Below that is words written in the Spongebob timeskip card, "Two Days Later....". Then there are two stick figures holding hands and looking at each other, saying "I'm only complete now that I've found you."

So, being the star student I was, I decided that I was just staving off the inevitable and decided to skip to that part where I found someone I liked. My sophomore year, the stars seemed to align: I turned 16, the age of most teenage protagonists, I heard through a friend that a guy would have asked be to Jr. Prom if I hadn't already expressed I was busy that day, and said guy got me a small gift for my birthday. So, with encouragement from my friends, I decided to strongly hint (but not outright say) that I liked him. And so, a week after my 16th birthday, he asked me out, to which I responded with a super confident "sure?"

We went on two dates before I ended it. He didn't do anything wrong, but something on my end felt wrong. I wouldn't say that I was repulsed, that seems to strong of a word. But the situation seemed forced. I decided I must not be mature enough, that I would date when I got to college. Towards the end of high school, I discovered the actual definition of asexuality. A doodle of the stick figure wondering Wait... sexual attraction? What is that? That's real? Cue about 3.5 years of questioning: how to prove a negative? maybe I am just anxious? No "right person" yet? I don't hate the idea of sex? Other people are exaggerating?

Fun thing about the anxiety question, I started taking anxiety medication during my last semester of college. With my mind a little more ordered, it all became clearer: I'm ace. The stick figure now waves an ace flag. With that sorted out, I was ready to move along in life when... the stick figure is handed a paper by a little brain and asks "oh? what is this?" The happy little brain smiles as the paper reveals the words HAVE I FELT ROMANTIC ATTRACTION???* The asterisk leads to the smaller note "also gender???"

Of course I had. Right? There was the aforementioned guy in high school, and in early college I thought about pursuing two guys. But I realized something: I always thought I had to like somebody. The butterflies I had in high school were less about the guy, and more... Doodle of two butterflies having a conversation. "Omg he likes us" "Mission accomplished" "Wait now we have to go on a date." "Ahhhh? what do we even do?"

What even is romance? I don't know. It's different for each person. Like a lot of people, I crave a connection founded on trust, shared interests, inside jokes, etc. Doodle of two stick figures, there are squiggly lines between them, a connection. But I think something about that connection, maybe its very essence, is just different. Two stick figures with different squiggly lines between them. I remembered thing how I've always wanted to skip the whole "head over heels" part of the relationship, and go right to being an old married couple. So, I'm aro. At first, I had a mini crisis. Doodle of the stick figuring sitting on the floor with tears, holding the aro flag. A sad brain pats the stick figure in support.

But that crisis ended when I stopped treating this revelation as a path being blocked... Doodle of a path leading to an archway, the archway is boarded off.... and more like a bunch of new paths I hadn't really considered opening up. Doodle of the archway path no longer blocked off, surrounded by a bunch of other archways.

Honestly, the first path isn't even gone, it just looks a little different. Doodle of the archway path looking the same as before, but the archway is a rainbow in the colors of the queerplatonic flag: yellow, pink, white, grey, black. The pathway has pebbles of those colors. I'm thankful for all the stories and comics people have shared related to the aroace spectrum. I shudder to think what my life would look like if I hadn't found these words, what paths I may have forced myself to walk. So now, it's my turn. Happy pride 2023, especially to my aros, my aces, aroaces, my aspecs, and to everyone still figuring things out. Doodle of a stick figure holding an ace flag and an aro flag.

End ID.

#aro pride #ace pride #asexual #aromantic #ace #aro #aroace #aroace pride #qpr #queer platonic relationship #pride 2023 #queer pride #coming out story

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studentbyday · 9 months ago

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30 days of intentionality

starting this challenge with the goal of taking it one day at a time. i have a hard time doing that these days. i spend more time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future than staying in the present, even if that's when i'm most content. not sure how i'll format my posts and most likely, i'll only do weekly updates bc daily ones are too overwhelming. i'll just go with the flow, trying to trust that everything will end up as it's meant to be and maybe i'll be more productive as focusing primarily on the present moment becomes a habit.

---

1. suo gân (arr. john williams for the ambrosian junior choir): i believe that if everyone lived by the idea of global citizenship and so saw the humanity in every individual from every background, there would be no war. reading the news fills me with fear, sorrow, and anxiety, but i also feel the responsibility to stay informed. did some studying today, more than yesterday, but it was kind of uncomfortable with the state of global politics lurking in the back of my mind. i'm still a little behind on school.

2. souvenir de paganini (chopin): today is not so bad. i'm making progress academically, but i do need to make time for social activities soon or i will get lonely and lose what little motivation i have very quickly.

3. once upon a december (arr. emile pandolfi): sometimes in the face of events and issues much bigger than myself that i have no control over, i feel like my dreams are pointless bc i think there's no way achieving them or trying to achieve them could possibly empower me to make real and important change that can truly benefit many. who knows if the future would even allow me to get that far. there are many things that could change the course of our lives that we don't have control over. but if others in worse situations than me and others much better informed than me can still have hope, then so can i. i didn't do much other than pharmacology and a little bit of philosophy today. i made more progress in pharmacology than expected, but that's only bc i didn't do any psych work. i also earned a few more mastery points on khan academy's integrated math 1 (not a priority, i know, but i wanted an easy win) and started lab tasks. i'm far from done with that, i need to do a little every day... i don't want to let them down! 🥺 (note to self: lying in bed is maybe NOT a good study break activity bc that just makes me not wanna do anything else after that and it's very very very hard to get out of that procrastination rut once i let myself fall into it.) 4. let's stay together (al green): everything should be going well, except i'm easily overwhelmed, and this time, it wasn't in an openly frazzled way, it was in a tired and slightly defeated "what's the point?" way, so i didn't realize it as quickly as i usually do. after some bed rest, cuddles 🧸, listening to steve jobs' commencement speech, and a little yoga, i felt better. "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future." was something i didn't know i needed to hear today. i modified my to-do list and found that the list of things i "must do" was nearly as long as the list of things i "want to do" 😅

5. kreutzer sonata, movt. 1 (beethoven): pretty sure i've mentioned some of these songs before but...they really fit the mood! sometimes i feel things so strongly that i develop a tightening in my chest that can only be relieved in a scream... since i can't actually scream and i don't actually really like the physical feeling of it, i scream through exercise and music 😅 beethoven is very nice for when i'm feeling very annoyed or angry, especially if it's an anxious kind of angry or if it's anger at injustice/inequality. i can't find a piano solo version that does the fiery spirit of the violin justice. so in the vague future when i actually play this, either i try (and perhaps fail) to replicate that on the piano, or i find a violinist friend who would want to play with me 😅 right now though, imagining how i would physically create that sound on the piano will have to be enough. the prevailing thought/feeling of the day: sometimes i just really wanna believe in the good in people and believe that i can trust (some of) them. i long for that feeling of safety in a broader irl community that i actually belong in. i'm surprised by how often i long for it. but then my negativity is reinforced by news and people's opinions on it.

6. violin sonata no. 1 in g minor, bwv 1001 (j.s. bach): stuff was done. i felt calm/chill throughout the day, but even tho i feel good whenever that happens, it usually means i don't get an extraordinary amount of things done that day (lol since when do i ever). i'm not sure if it's enough, as there is still lots to do and i'm pretty sure that it's just wishful thinking that i'll achieve all my goals for this week by its end. i need to cut down my goals list to the realistic rather than idealistic version as always (school, lab, and basic self-maintenance tasks) 😅 gaawwwdd i hope i can do this...good night.

7. waltz in a minor, b. 150 (chopin): today and yesterday i have been able to keep my phone time under an hour. the days are blissful (if not at least calmer) and focused. 📚

8. only mine (laufey): cuddles in bed while listening to laufey is so soothing 🧸 takes me back to my childhood listening to lullabies in the dark 🥺 motivation to study is hard to find today. i just want to relax 🥺 i'll just do one tiny thing and see where i wanna go from there...

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tobiasdrake · 8 months ago

Text

I've made my bed and now I get to lie in it. We're going south.

Oh, this must be where all the giant rocks that smush me are manufactured. Cool. Cool. Cool-cool-cool.

Hey, you think if I punch that person in the junk a bunch of times while they're frozen, all of the punches will sync up and be delivered at once after we slay the King?

I think we should test it out. Y'know. For science. Time Craft is uncharted territory, after all. We can be pioneers.

Yes, because I'm Scissors, I get it. Here, let me write you a Paper on how dissatisfied I am with your hospitality and nail it to your door.

HA. Choke on that, Odile. The math never lies.

Is it me or did the temperature just drop by about fifteen degrees? Guess it should come as no surprise that the philosophy of Change applies to the air conditioning too.

It's okay. You're well within your rights, especially since we found the proof in his pockets and everything. Why don't you take a moment. Go with the others. Breathe. Let it out. While I....

<.<

>.>

...test out a hypothesis.

Well fuck that noise I'm never feeling safe again. I'm going to be in a perpetual state of anxiety after reading this book.

Not even tactically! I am not making plans. I am simply stating the reality of the situation. This is the most wicked trap ever.

No it does not nothing will ever feel safe again

Also there's like a tendrilly thing sticking out of the doorway over there. So. I don't. Trust that.

I still don't feel safe but I can't say no to snack time. Snack time is immutable. Snack time is eternal.

I figure we're all doomed to time-freeze without me so prop my body up in a way that looks cool and lifelike. That way, if someone comes along and cures the time freeze some day, my corpse will fall over and freak them out.

They'll think they killed everyone. It will be hilarious.

Check. We will fashion you into necklaces and wear your corpse with honor.

Plant food, got it. Doubt it will come up since we're all extra-special doomed without you specifically but I've made a note of it all the same.

We can do the time-frozen corpse gag for you too then. If we both die then our corpses will prank the future together. Hand in hand.

Unless we actually win despite the two of us dying. Seems unlikely. But then I guess it's the janitorial staff's problem. It will be my honor to be grumpily carted away in trash bags by underpaid maintenance staff with you.

No.

What she said.

That sounds like some chthonic shit but for Bonnie's sake, I'm down.

I feel like Bonnie's running low on supplies. They're a fantastic cook but they can only do so much with what they have.

Hm. I. Seem to recall. Being warned about pineapple recently.

Pretty sure I was told that pineapple is delicious and I should savor it immensely.

Yep. I am a pineapple eating master. Probably. I've never actually had it but I am a fiend for fruity flavors so I'm certain that I'll be an expert at this.

Huh. That's a peculiar flavor for pineapple to have. Oh, right, I think my Lemonfriend said I'm actually allergi--

This is everybody's fault except mine.

#in stars and time #drake plays in stars and time

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stephstars08 · 1 year ago

Text

Still Alive ~ Chapter Nine (Last Chapter)

Ethan Landry x Reader

Warnings: Adult Language, After math of last chapter, A little bit of Angst but Fluff at the end, Mental Breakdown, Mention of Blood, Past Trauma, Mention of Daddy Issues, and Anxiety. (Sorry if I forgot any!)

Word Count: 2,397

Author’s Note: And here we are, the final chapter! Thank you to each and everyone of you for reading this story! It warmed my heart seeing you all comment and tell me how much you loved this story. It means so much to me that you all enjoyed my writing. I enjoy writing but I do have my insecurities about it so thank you so much for your kind messages. I know I already mentioned this but I wanted to say it again, I will be taking this coming week off on here so I won’t be posting since I have some personal things going on and also wanted to take some time off to catch up on some more writing. My inbox will still be opened so don’t be afraid to message me anything! I hope you all enjoy the last chapter and again thank you so much for reading this book. Don’t be afraid to tell me what you all think of the final chapter!

Y/N was at the hospital getting her side wrapped up. The doctor told her that she was lucky that the bullet just grazed her side. “Okay, Ms. Riley. You are all patched up.” The nurse told her. “Thank you.” Y/N said in a soft tone. “You’re welcome.” The nurse said cleaning up everything. “The doctor wants you to take it easy for a couple of days and drink plenty of water.” The nurse told her which earned a nod from Y/N as her answer. After the nurse walked out of the room Y/N carefully stood up and changed into the fresh pair of clothes that Chad and Tara brought her from her apartment. She was being as careful as she could putting on her shirt. They already got rid of her bloody shirt that wasn’t just soaked in her blood right when she got there.

After she was fully clothed, she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. She just leaned her back on the door and stared down at the wall that was in front of her. She felt completely lost. She didn’t know where to go. She didn’t know who she should go see first since so many people she loves and cares for are lying in a hospital bed. She really wished last night was just one of her horrible nightmares. Y/N decided to just go to the waiting room at the front of the hospital. She knows that she shouldn’t be alone and go find one of her friends but that’s just the first thing that came to her mind and to be honest, she wanted to be alone. Y/N carefully sat down on the bench where not even twenty-four hours ago she was surrounded by all her friends. Now, she’s all alone. She leaned her head against the wall behind her and closed her eyes so the lights on the ceiling didn’t blind her. She sat there in complete silence till someone called her name.

When she opened her eyes, she was met with a surprise. “Sidney!” Y/N said surprised to see her Godmother standing in front of her. “Come here.” Sidney said as she put her arms out towards her. Y/N stood up and gave Sidney a big hug. “I’m so happy to see that you’re okay.” Sidney said as she held Y/N as close as she could but of course was careful of her wounded side. Y/N laid her head on Sidney’s shoulder. “Sam gave me a call catching me up on what happened.” Sidney said pulling away from the hug and putting her hands on both of Y/N’s shoulders. “How’s your side?” Sidney asked with concern in her tone. “Okay, the bullet just grazed me.” Y/N answered her. “Fuck, I should’ve been here.” Sidney said with a heavy sigh. “What? So, you can be laying in a hospital bed, too?” Y/N said, shaking her head. “I’m glad you stayed away. You shouldn’t have to deal with this Ghostface shit your whole life.” Y/N told her.

“How’s your mom? Can she have visitors?” Sidney asked her not to argue with her since that’s the least thing she wanted to do seeing the state Y/N is in. Sidney can read Y/N like a book, and she knew Y/N was feeling the same thing she was feeling after her second round of Ghostface. “Yeah, follow me.” Y/N answered her and walked away with Sidney following close behind her. Y/N led Sidney to the room her mom was in. When they walked inside the room, Gale was sitting up in the bed and Sam was by her bedside. “There’s my little girl!” Gale said in relief she was so happy to see Y/N is okay and is standing in the same room as her. When Sam told her what happened she wanted to get out of bed to go see her. But surprisingly Sam was able to keep her there. Y/N walked over to her mom and gave her a long-waited hug. As the mother and daughter reunited Sam and Sidney shared a hug.

After Y/N pulled away she stepped to the side so Sidney and Gale could share a hug. “Sid, what are you doing here?” Gale asked after they let go of each other. She told Sidney not to come because she told her the same thing Y/N told her earlier. “I gave her a call to catch her up on everything that had happened.” Sam told her as she stood with Y/N. “I had to come and make sure that everyone is alright.” Sidney told Gale. “Where’s Mark and the kids?” Gale asked her in a curious tone. “They are home. I told Mark I didn’t want the kids sitting in a hospital.” Sidney answered her. “How are you feeling?” She asked Gale. “Very high on pain meds but other than that, I feel good.” Gale answered with a giggle which also made Sidney giggle as well. “I’m so relieved that everyone is alright.” Sidney said which made Y/N break down crying. She didn’t realize how long she had been keeping her tears in till now.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Sidney asked her with worry and panicking a little bit. “Ethan!” Y/N cried out. His name was the only thing that could come out of her mouth. Sam gave her a hug just like she did last night. As Y/N cried onto Sam’s shoulder Sidney rubbed her back in comfort. Gale wished there was something she could do since she hadn’t seen her daughter this upset since her dad’s murder. “Y/N! Y/N!” Two voices called out to her. When Y/N let go of Sam she saw Tara and Chad standing in the doorway catching their breaths. “Woah, what’s going on?” Sam asked them. “Ethan.” Chad said still trying to catch his breath. “He’s awake.” Tara said looking at Y/N with a small smile appearing on her lips. “W-what?” Y/N said in a stutter since her body went into full shock. “He told us that he wants to see you.” Chad told her finally catching his breath.

Y/N gave them a nod as she let go of Sam and followed Chad and Tara to the room Ethan was in. Y/N saw Mindy standing in the hallway with her waist all wrapped up. She had a smile on her face. “Go get him, tiger.” Mindy said giving Y/N a wink. Y/N took a deep breath to calm her racing nerves and stepped into the hospital room. She saw Ethan lying in the bed looking alive. Some color came back to his face. When his brown eyes met hers, a whole weight was lifted off her shoulders. She saw the color back into his bright eyes that were full of darkness. “Hey beautiful.” Ethan said as his lips curved into a weak smile.

Y/N quickly walked to his bedside and connected her lips with his. Both of them put everything they felt into the kiss. Y/N didn’t think that she would ever feel his soft lips on top of hers. When they pulled away, they were gasping for air, especially Ethan. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you. To see your memorizing eyes open.” Y/N told him as happy tears streamed down her face. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” Ethan reassured her as he put one of his hands onto her cheek to wipe away her tears. He brought her back down to connect their lips again. Even though the kiss was short it still had just as much passion as the last kiss had.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Ethan apologized for not telling her his real last name. “I’m sorry for not believing you when your fucked up family tried to turn me against you.” Y/N said apologizing as well. “Don’t be sorry about that. They are gone. They can’t hurt anyone anymore.” Ethan reassured her as he lightly stroked her cheek. She leaned into his warm touch that still made her feel safe. She still felt secured by his touch.

“I love you.” Ethan told her, which made her heart flutter. “I love you, too.” Y/N told him and connected her lips with his for the third time.

~~~~~~~~~~

Some weeks have passed, and everything has been the way it was before Y/N’s second Ghostface massacre happened. Y/N finally feels like the girl she was before her dad died. She and Ethan are officially together and always by each other’s side of course when they aren’t in class. Ethan was scared to tell the group the truth about his real name and family, but Y/N reassured him that they would except him and of course, she was right. He told them everything, he had only told Y/N like how terribly his dad treated him and always chose Ritchie and Quinn over him. Everyone gave him so much credit for losing contact with his dad after turning eighteen.

Ethan was so relieved that everyone still wanted him around after what his psychotic family put them through. Ethan isn’t going to lie, he’s a bit afraid he’ll feel that same darkness his family got pulled into, but Sam told him he’s a good person and he will stay on the good side just like she has. She tells him that they are both nothing like their evil family members.

Y/N and her mom are not just on good terms, they are on great terms just like Sam and Tara are. Gale has really become the mom she always wanted to be. She thanks Sidney a lot for helping her and Y/N bond again. Sidney stepped into Dewey’s role and helped Y/N and Gale stay together.

Y/N was currently at the art show in a big auditorium on the college campus. Seeing that shrine really inspired her to make something that keeps her father and her Aunt Tatum remember a whole lot better. She sculpted their faces out of clay with a name tag of their whole name on the bottom. Y/N sat next to her beautiful artwork as people walked around the room. Her eyes lit up when her Y/E/C eyes met a pair of brown ones. She jumped out of her seat and wrapped her arms around him, laying her head on his chest.

“I’m guessing you missed me?” Ethan said as he let out a laugh returning the hug. “Anytime I’m not with you, I’m missing you.” Y/N said to him leaning up and give him a sweet kiss on the lips which he returned. “Geez Y/N, when did you get so cheesy?” Mindy said walking up to the couple with Chad, Tara, and Sam. Tara and Chad had their hands linked together since Y/N helped them confess their feelings for one anther and now they are a couple. “Leave her alone, Mindy!” Chad told his twin sister in a stern tone giving her a small punch to her shoulder. “Yeah, she’s happy and in love.” Tara said looking at Y/N and Ethan in awe. Ethan smiled and gave Y/N a light kiss on the top of her head which always makes the butterflies in her stomach go crazy. Yep, that feeling is never going to go away which Y/N doesn’t mind one bit.

“Wow, Y/N! This is amazing.” Sam said looking at her artwork in amazement. “Thanks! It was a pain in the ass to make but it was worth it.” Y/N said making everyone laugh. “Also, this one really helped me get it down as well.” She added, looking up at Ethan who gave her another kiss to the lips. “Hey guys.” Sidney said walking up to the group with Gale by her side. Everyone was surprised to see Sidney since Gale wanted to surprise Y/N with her. “Oh my gosh!” Y/N said in a surprised tone letting go of Ethan to give her a big hug. “You know I couldn’t miss this.” Sidney said to her, returning the hug. “I tried to get Kirby to come but she’s stuck on a case in Atlanta, but she sends her love.” Gale told her after Y/N let go of Sidney to give her daughter a quick hug. “I’ll have to give her a call, later.” Y/N said letting go of her mom. “Can we see it?” Sidney asked Y/N referring to her artwork. The whole group was blocking their view of the sculptures. She kept what she was making a secret from Sidney and Gale since she wanted it to be a surprise.

Everyone moved to the side so Gale and Sidney could see the sculptures which brought tears to both of the women’s eyes. “Wow!” Sidney said, looking between the sculptures in awe. “Oh, sweetie! These are beautiful!” Gale said wrapping an arm around Y/N and rubbing it lightly. “Thank you, I feel like this is a better tribute to dad and Aunt Tatum than that stupid shrine.” Y/N said as she wrapped her arm around her mom’s back rubbing it as well. She knew her dad and Aunt Tatum were smiling down at her. She knew they were proud of her, and she knew she was going to continue to make them proud. Live out the life she knew her dad wanted her to live.

As the night went on everyone mingled around checking out more artwork. Y/N got a lot of compliments on her artwork and told them the story behind it which she was finally okay with telling. When her dad first got killed, she hid from her family’s history with Ghostface because she was ashamed to be a part of that history but as the days pasted, she embraced it instead of running from the truth. Sidney actually helped her with that since she knew that same feeling.

After the event was over the group decided to go out somewhere to grab dinner together. As they walked down the busy New York sidewalk Y/N took Ethan’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Are you okay?” Ethan asked her in a soft tone looking over at her. “I’m great!” Y/N told him and gave him a kiss on the cheek which made his cheeks turn a light red like they always did when she would kiss him.

For the first time in a year, she can answer that question with the truth and not a lie.

*Tags*

@sweetirilly @aqellano @igotmajordaddyissues @athenalive @hotweeb @ghostlyboiii @marshallowy @callsignwidow @rolly-polly-molly

(IF YOUR NAME IF CROSSED OUT IT IS BECAUSE TUMBLR WOULDN’T LET ME TAG YOU, SORRY!)

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rxqueenotd · 10 months ago

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The Girl Next Door part X

Pairing: Jeryd Mencken x OFC

Warnings: dubious content, alcohol consumption, physical violence, mentions of affairs, morality issues, my improper use of commas. MDNI!

A/N: this is the end, my friends. As quickly as it began, so it shall end. Thanks to everyone who stuck around and read this. Y’all make my heart smile. And to @vivalafae and @runningwiththefoxes for listening to my neurotic ass.

WC: 1801

I managed to make it through dinner without a crack in the facade I had delicately manufactured for the sake of my family and friends.

They sang happy birthday with a sea of waiters piled around the table, their faces blurring along with the rest as I blew out twenty-three candles placed intricately around a pearlescent, heart-shaped cake.

I pushed the food around on my plate to make it seem like I had eaten, choosing to fill up on half a bottle of wine while everyone bantered back and forth from their respective seats, their cheerfulness making me want to scream at the top of my lungs.

One day I would realize that the world never did revolve around me. However, that day was not the day.

The entire affair had lasted five weeks and three days. My mental math gave way to a sea of memories, some pleasant, fleeting, while the others threw up a barrage of red flags, making me wonder why I had been so blind, so careless with a man I didn’t know. Even then, with the information I had, I didn’t know him. To add insult to injury, the logical part of my brain, a part long dormant where he and I were concerned, chastised any part of me that felt heartbroken and confused, citing time, or lack thereof, as a point of weakness. Five weeks is merely a blink of an eye, a flap of a butterfly’s wing. But empires have fallen in a shorter amount of time, and the thought alone made me feel somewhat better. A modicum of reprieve as my thoughts came in waves, battering down on me, sweeping me further and further from the safety of the shore.

_________________________________________

“She’s going to be looking for that note until next Fourth of July,” Heather murmured into my ear, leaning against me from her spot at the stool to my right. The Annual Star Spangled Karaoke event had kicked off and with it came the usual bards and minstrels, drunk and howling away at whatever song was chosen for them by the patrons of The Marina. To be quite frank, none of them could carry a tune in a bucket. You’d think the lightness and fun the setting provided would have made me feel better, but it didn’t. I was drunk and irritated by something as simple as the wind blowing my hair into my face.

“Why do we torture ourselves with this shit every year?”

“Oh, it’s torture, huh?” She turned completely around to look at me, her knees knocking into mine as we came face to face. “Do you have something else you should be doing besides this?”

She cocked her head at me, her eyebrow threading upward as she waited for my response.

I shook my head at her.

“It’s a tradition, Livvy Lou.” She patted my knees, turning her attention back around to the DJ.

“When do we let traditions die?” I asked her, feeling sour and dried out as I finished my second Mai Tai. “Particularly this one.”

She turned around quickly, her expression lost between anger, disappointment, and sadness.

“It’s not like you haven’t blown me off every week for the past month,” she spat, eyes narrowing at me, mouth twitching in a way that let me know she wasn’t quite done with her verbal lashing, but also wasn’t sure if she wanted to continue.

My mouth was bone dry from anxiety, the sudden rising of guilt in my chest from being a terrible friend. A terrible person.

“You know what,” I stood up, the barstool scraping unceremoniously against the tile flooring, “Fuck this.”

She turned back around, unbothered by my outburst, arms crossed snuggly across her chest as I grumbled to myself, retrieving my bag and keys before walking away from her entirely.

On my way out of The Marina, I managed to snag a fifth of Jack from the bar, my way of sticking it to Heather since her family owned the restaurant. Eventually I would replace the bottle, never telling anyone what happened to it originally, though I suspect they never even noticed it was missing.

My entire walk home I replayed the scene from Mencken’s car in my head. I rewound it, stopping and going over each word, pausing, seething, the sloshing of the whisky in its bottle in my fist becoming the background track to my dramatics.

Dodging the passerbys, the ones with enough sense to stay sober as they parted the crowds, each of them marching like worker ants towards the center of the village, ambling towards the best vantage point for the annual fireworks show.

And there I was, no regard for public drunkenness or the mess the sidewalk was making of my bare feet, stomping recklessly towards home for no reason other than not being able to stand myself, wanting nothing more than to rip my skin off piece by piece to give way to the rage boiling right under the surface.

Like he knew, like he could predict my arrival, he stood on his front porch, leaning against the railing with his hands hung over the edge, watching as I edged my way closer to the driveway.

“Happy birthday,” he said as casually as one announces the weather.

I threw my hand up, waving him off, “Fuck you.”

I kept walking, hearing his footsteps bounding down his front steps, doing my best to ignore how close on my heels he was getting.

When I fell—busting my ass with no ounce of grace—as I descended the hill that led to the dock, he grabbed hold of my shoulders.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” I shook him off, clawing at the earth to get my bearings, to will myself to stand up and put some much needed distance between us.

He grabbed the bottle I had dropped, tipping it upside down, the amber liquid watering a particularly brown patch of grass that had died somewhere in the peak of June’s heat.

“Think you’ve had enough of this.” He said, chastising me with a raised eyebrow.

“Think I’ve had enough of you.”

I was able to totter successfully onto the dock, walking carefully down at the edge, linking my arms across my chest like a brooding child.

“Shouldn’t you be inside taking care of Rosemary and her fucking baby?”

That earned me a chuckle, an earnest one, as he came to stand beside me, gazing out at the water before his eyes finally landed on me.

“You can’t get mad at me over the natural order of things, Olivia.” His tone was softer than I expected, though I hadn’t expected him to follow me to the dock at all.

“The natural order of things?” A sardonic laugh slipped past my lips, “You tell me she will wise up and leave you in a few years, and then, surprise, she’s pregnant.”

He shrugged. “Is it hard to believe you can dislike someone but still fuck them?”

Once again, I chuckled, “I’ve been doing that very thing for weeks, so.”

A smirk played up behind his knowing smile. Like he was privy to information I didn’t know and most likely would never figure out. It was always like that with him; one step forward, two steps back. “You’re a hypocrite, you know.”

“Can you please just leave me alone?” I pleaded, searching his face for any cracks below the surface, any indication that he was hurting like I was, any indication of humanness underneath his steely exterior.

“What do you want from me?” I asked with a resigned sigh, “Do you want me to march into your house and tell her what’s been going on?”

He stayed silent, his smirk widening, eyes dancing cruelly across my deranged features as I continued, “or better yet, let’s just get her out here for the show. Hann-,”

Before I could finish her name, his palm slapped against my mouth, his other hand curling around my wrist to jerk me towards him.

“Shut the fuck up, Olivia.” He gritted, jerking me closer to him for further emphasis.

I was quick to wriggle out of his hold, shoving him with two hands planted on his chest.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” The impact of my shove sent me reeling, stammering backwards as I watched him fight with gravity.

He recovered, stalking over towards me, gripping my shoulders with a slight shake.

“There’s a streak of cruelty in you that I’ve chosen to ignore, but now that you want to play games, I suppose I should remind you that if you want to destroy me, I’ll destroy you too.” His tone was quiet, but laced with effortless venom as he lowered himself to be level with my face. His grip on my shoulders never loosened as he sloshed me back and forth. The idea of him laying our secret bare mingled with the way he gripped my shoulders, kneading into the bony flesh, bore an anger in me that I had never experienced.

When I hit him, with little to no hesitation, delivering a right hook to the crest of his left cheekbone, I immediately regretted my decision. A flitter of fireworks set off above us as if to mark the tumultuous scene, their ranging colors of royal blue and scarlet red maring with the inky blood oozing down his cheek and onto his chin.

“You hit me.” His face was blank, his phrase almost coming out as a question. For some reason, I expected him to hit me back. I had leveled the playing field with my punch, canceling out gender roles when it landed, shocked when he didn’t send me reeling with a blow of his own. He stammered forward, hands reaching out for me, and I swatted them away, eventually landing weightless hits and dull thuds against the hollow of his chest.

His bloody hand smeared against my face as he pulled me tightly into his chest, pushing my tangled hair away from the tacky sweat on my forehead. I contorted myself against him, pulling and pulling away to no avail. He held me tightly as the night sky exploded above us. My voice was a symphony of weak cries and crackled sentiments as I whispered, “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” over and over again until my voice grew hoarse and any resolve I had to get away from him in that moment simply faded away as I wore myself down.

The perfect ending for a nightmarish fever dream—fireworks, a fistfight, a bloodied mess— but nothing could have made it better when he sighed, pressed a kiss to my temple, and in two simple words, he let me win.

“I know.” He said. Nothing more, nothing less.

Then he walked away.

Tag list: @aurorag98

#the girl next door #jeryd mencken x oc #jeryd mencken fic #jeryd mencken fanfiction #jeryd mencken x ofc #jeryd mencken x original female character #jeryd mencken imagine #jeryd mencken x reader #jeryd mencken #justin kirk

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nishayuro · 1 year ago

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Cloud 9 - Obey Me! Barbatos

Collection: My spotify playlist of songs that play in my head at the most unconventional times

Genre: Fluff, a bit of hurt/comfort

GN! Reader

A/N: Lmao im back with this, enjoy. Kinda self indulgent? Idk, midterms are coming up lmao

Synopsis: RAD has been too much for you, but luckily you have Barbatos by your side.

“I don't wanna seem the way I do, But I'm confident when I'm with you”

You’d think after 6 months in Devildom you’d be able to adapt by now, but well, things don’t always go as planned. It’s not that you’re dumb, it’s just that RAD is very much so different from what you’re used to in the human world.

The normal English, Math, History and Science subjects have all been replaced with Curses and Hexes, Potions, History of the Devildom and Alchemy and Astronomy of the three realms.

For someone who prides themself in being a good student, RAD was just stressing you out. You had no background with these subjects, not even knowing these things were real 6 months ago. And now you’re expected to go to classes which are on par with demons who have probably been taking these classes for years.

You have no clue how you’ll do now that finals are coming up. You did kinda okay on your midterms, but they let it pass since you’re still adjusting. But now pressure has built up. Luckily, you have the wonderful demon prince’s butler who decided to help you out.

“Lately all I feel is bad and bruised, Tired of tripping on my shoes”

“Hmm, how about we take a quick break? Relax yourself, MC. You’ve been too tense this whole session. Maybe some tea will help you loosen up. I’ll be right back.” Barbatos said, standing up and walking towards the kitchen. You’re now left with your notes and books alone, as you stare at the pieces of paper, your eyes begin to well up with tears.

Your little crying session was not ignored by the demon butler, you were taken aback when a pair of arms went to hold yours. “Mc, talk to me. What is on your mind?” He asked, voice softer than what you’ve expected from someone like him.

“I… I don’t want to disappoint Lord Diavolo or Lucifer if I fail my tests. I’ve been trying so hard and yet I still can’t understand or memorize the topics. And I don’t want to disappoint you, you’re helping me study even though you already have too much on your plate. I don’t want you to see me as a burden…” you trail off, voice cracking as you sobbed.

“Mc, look at me.” he said, warmth in his voice. “I understand that you feel pressured, that your habits of aiming for the top are weighing you down. As much as we appreciate you trying your best for the exchange program, we understand if you’re not on par with the others. They’ve had years to learn these lessons. If anything, you should pride yourself that you’re able to catch and keep up with your classmates.” He replied. A finger wiping away at your tears.

“But when he loves me I feel like I'm floating”

“And you can never be a burden to me, I enjoy tutoring you. The demon brothers are always either with you or around you, so spending time alone with you is a rarity.” He admits, a smile forming from his mouth. “Just take it easy, MC. You will get the hang of it in the long run, you have more days here with us in the devildom.

“I… Thanks, Barbatos. I needed that…” You answered, sobs coming to a stop. Barbatos leaves the room for a minute and comes back with the tea and other snacks. “Here, drink this. It will help with the nerves.” he says, offering the porcelain cup to me. The taste of Chamomile enters your tastebuds, anxiety calming down as you sip the hot beverage.

“When I start to tumble from the sky, You remind me how to fly”

Days later, you are seen walking around RAD, seemingly looking for someone with a big grin on your face. “Hey, Solomon!” you shout, approaching the white haired sorcerer. “Oh, hey, MC. You look excited, what’s up?” He said, “I’m just looking for Barbatos, I wanna show him my finals!” you exclaimed in glee.

“Oh?” a familiar voice reaches your ears, “Barbs!” you squealed as the butler approached. “How did your midterms go? From the looks of it, it went well?” he asked, standing next to Solomon.

You happily showed the two men the papers, all scoring above 90. “Wow! Impressive, especially for someone who has just been exposed to all of this in six months, you’ve even beat the scores of the other demon brothers” Solomon praised, a smile on his lips.

“It's all thanks to Barbatos who helped me study,” you replied, looking at said man who was currently holding your papers. “Well done, MC. I knew you would do it. I’m proud of you” He smiled, an aura of pride that could rival Lucifer’s surrounded him.

As Solomon left you two, Barbatos approached you and placed his hand on your head, giving you a head pat.

“Well done, my love.” he whispered, love falling out of his words, leaving your heart fluttering.

masterlist

navigation

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me barbatos #obey me barbatos x reader #obey me barbatos x mc #obey me barbatos fluff #obey me barbatos fanfiction #nisha's playlist collection #Spotify

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sweeter-innocence-fics · 9 months ago

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You Brought Your Worst and I’m Right Here - Chapter Three: … and you have grabbed the scissors

Pairing: Gale of Waterdeep x female Tav

Work Summary:

After an explosive falling out between Gale and his academic adviser, Mystra, Tav is left to pick up the pieces.

Modern/College AU.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Epilogue

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2519

Read on AO3.

Masterlists.

Taglist: @mrs-kai-anderson @ang3l1te @missryerye

Taglist info

Previous Chapter

Notes:

In case you couldn't tell, I adore Wyll. If you also love him, I posted a modern/college AU one-shot for Wyll/Tav the other day, so check that out if you fancy it.

Warnings for vomiting, depression, anxiety

---

Back during her first week at university, Tav hadn’t been coping well with being thrust suddenly into adulthood. She was eighteen years old, a long way from home, with no friends or family within a hundred miles of the city where she now lived. Her assigned housemates were all perfectly nice, but she was painfully shy and had seemingly very little in common with them. Her social anxiety was at an all-time high.

One morning, she had an orientation for a maths module, but she had somehow managed to sleep through her alarm and so was running late.

She was mortified. Standing outside of the lecture theatre, one hand on the door, it took all of her energy not to turn around and go right back to bed. Steeling herself, she opened the door.

A few heads turned her way. The lecture theatre was almost full. There was nowhere she could sit quietly, away from everyone else. She was about ready to turn tail and flee, when someone waved at her, catching her eye.

The boy definitely had more books on his desk than was necessary. Tav didn’t think the reading list for this module was even that long. He gestured to the empty seat beside him, giving her a questioning look. Tav took the seat gratefully.

She recognised the boy from some of her other orientations. He was handsome, with warm, dark eyes and shoulder length brown hair tied up into a loose bun.

“You looked lost,” he said, quietly.

She flushed. “No, just… looking for somewhere to sit.”

“Well, you found it.” He offered her his hand. “I’m Gale.”

“Tav,” she said, shaking his hand. It was an oddly formal greeting, but Gale was strange like that.

Tav thought that that would be the end of it, but at the end of the lecture, as she was packing her things into her bag, he turned to her again.

“What did you think of the lecture?” he asked. “Personally it feels like we’re going to be re-treading a lot of old ground here, but then, not everyone did A Level Further Maths, I suppose.” This maths module was compulsory for science students, so it covered a pretty broad range of topics.

She shrugged. “I must admit, I’m a little rusty.”

“Well, if you ever need any pointers-” He was cut off by an embarrassingly loud growl from her stomach. There was a moment of awkward silence where she wished that the ground would swallow her whole, but then he said “Hungry?” She took a moment to assess whether he might’ve been teasing her, but he seemed earnest.

“I didn’t have a chance to have breakfast.”

“I’m pretty peckish myself. The campus café has pretty good breakfasts. Cheap, too. Do you fancy it?”

He was smiling at her now. If it was anyone else, she might’ve felt unnerved, but there was something so kind about his expression.

“Sure.”

The rest was history.

Tav fell asleep in the back of the car on the way home from the hospital. Her face was pressed against the cool glass, and she only stirred when Shadowheart put a tentative hand on her shoulder.

“Hey,” said Shadowheart softly. “We ordered pizza. Should be here in twenty minutes.”

Tav glanced around. They were parked right outside their house.

“Did you get garlic pizza bread?” she asked hazily.

“Sure did. Wedges too. Come on.”

Tav braced herself from the cold outside. It was almost two in the morning now. It was lucky that, being a student town, their local pizza place was open until 4am.

The air was bitingly cold. Rain whipped at the skin of her face. Wyll had gone ahead and opened the front door, so she rushed inside and out of the cold, Shadowheart close behind her. Tav didn’t realise she was trembling until she felt Shadowheart’s hands push hers out of the way, helping her unzip her jacket.

“Pyjamas, pizza, and then bed,” said Shadowheart, firmly. “Don’t fall asleep before the food arrives.”

“I won’t.”

“Come on.”

Tav couldn’t help but glance at Gale’s bedroom door as they passed it. It was wide open, and they must’ve forgotten to turn off the light earlier, because it was still on. Gale’s bed stared back at her, tauntingly, traces of vomit encrusted in the sheets. By the time she felt the bile rushing up her throat, it was too late.

“Shit!” Shadowheart jumped back to avoid getting puked on. Tav collapsed against the wall, hands on her knees. Her eyes were wet with tears. A shuddering sob escaped her lips. She covered her mouth, embarrassed, ashamed. “Hey, hey,” murmured Shadowheart. “It’s okay, it’s okay, let’s get you cleaned up.”

“Is everything alright up there?” called Astarion from downstairs. He popped his head out into the hallway and then grimaced at the sight in front of him.

“We could use a hand.”

He wrinkled his nose. “I’ll get Wyll.”

“Astarion.”

He sighed. “Fine, I’ll help.”

“You d-don’t have to,” said Tav, breath catching awkwardly between sobs. “I’ll do it, I made the mess-”

“You will do no such thing,” said Astarion. “You go and get yourself cleaned up. You’re a mess, darling.”

“Come on,” said Shadowheart again, tugging Tav towards the main bathroom. “You should shower. You’ll feel much better when you do.”

“Okay,” said Tav numbly.

“Do you want my help?”

Tav shook her head awkwardly. Her and Jen had got changed in front of each other many times. Being the only two girls in the house, they had seen each other in various states of undress countless times. Plus, with Shadowheart’s hospital experience, she had seen far worse. Still, Tav wanted to be alone for a little while.

First, she brushed her teeth. As she was doing so, there was a knock on the door. She opened it to see Shadowheart again, holding a pair of Tav’s pyjamas, clean underwear and a bottle of water.

“Drink this,” she said, passing the water to Tav. “And sorry I went through your drawers but I figured it would make it easier. I’ll see you downstairs in a little bit?”

“Sure.”

Once she was alone, it took a lot of energy for Tav to coax herself into the shower. It was only the promise of pizza that waited for her once she was done that kept her going.

Shadowheart had been right. Clean and dressed in fresh pyjamas, she did feel better physically, if not emotionally. She trudged down the stairs and found her flatmates sitting around the living room, digging in to their pizzas.

None of them were talking. It was strange to eat without conversation, or the tv on in the background, but she understood why. She didn’t know what to say, either.

She collapsed onto the big sofa where they’d saved a space for her and picked up her own pizza box. She hadn’t realised how hungry she was until the food was right in front of her. She hadn’t been able to think about eating since she found Gale, and it was catching up with her now.

She ate ravenously, barely taking time to swallow between bites. In any other situation, she was sure her friends would be calling her out for her terrible table manners, but no one said anything.

After a little bit, the mania that seemed to have gripped her subsided. She felt full and a little sick. Still, no one was talking.

To everyone’s surprise, it was Wyll who finally broached what they’d all been thinking.

“Why didn’t he just talk to us?” he said, a tremor in his voice. Tav didn’t have an answer. She wiped her greasy hands on the wipes that the restaurant provided, and then put her arms around him.

It was about midday when Tav woke to a gentle knocking on her bedroom door. For a moment, she was confused, her eyes almost crusted shut, feeling more exhausted than she ever had before.

Wyll opened the door and poked his head in.

“Hey,” he said. “Sorry for waking you. Me and Astarion are going to see Gale now. Do you want to come with?”

Tav’s stomach lurched, memories of the day before flooding in.

Wyll must’ve seen something in the expression on her face, because he said, “You don’t have to, I know you must be exhausted, I just figured you’d want to know that we were going.”

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. In truth, she really, really didn’t want to go back to the hospital. Now that she knew that Gale was alive, the urgency to see him was gone. The shame in his eyes, the way he wouldn’t look at her: it was all unbearable.

But she couldn’t say no. What kind of person would she be if she refused to go and see her supposed best friend in the hospital after a suicide attempt?

She pulled back the covers and started to get to her feet.

“Are you alright?” asked Wyll. “You don’t look very well.” She paused in her movements, looking up at him. He looked conflicted. “We can absolutely wait for you if you want to come with us, but please don’t feel pressured to if you’re not feeling well. Gale wouldn’t want you to make yourself sick.”

“I should… stay…” said Tav, feeling unquestionably relieved. She was pretty sure Wyll had been intentionally giving her an out.

“Do you need anything? More water?”

“No, thanks.”

“Okay. Jen will probably check on you in a bit, alright?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you later.”

And with that, he left her alone. She shuffled to the end of her bed so that she could pull her curtains open. When she saw how sunny it was outside, she almost regretted it. She was so tired, and now she had another reason to feel guilty about not getting out of bed. She could almost hear her mother’s voice in her head saying “it’s a beautiful day, why are you wasting it in bed?”

“Shut up,” she muttered to herself and then she lay back down and pulled the covers over herself again.

Over the next few days, it became a bit of a routine. Tav was becoming an expert in finding reasons not to visit Gale in hospital. She was ill, or she had studying to do, or she had classes to go to. None of her friends ever pushed her.

It wasn’t like Gale was alone. As well as all of their flatmates, there were a whole lot of their mutual friends – Karlach, Lae��zel, Minsc – who were all too happy to take turns visiting him. Wyll was there almost every day. His mother was there doting over him too.

According to Wyll, Gale wasn’t allowed to leave until he’d done a few mandated psychiatric appointments. That made sense to her. She was glad he was getting help.

On the fourth day of Gale’s hospital stay, Tav got a text from him that made the guilt hit her stomach like a stone.

Missing you

Suddenly, every excuse that she’d used to avoid seeing him was rattling around in her brain. She was an arsehole. Why couldn’t she bring herself to go and see her friend who needed her?

She stared at the text. What could she possibly say? “Sorry, I’ve just been so busy”? That was a weak excuse. “Sorry, the thought of you dying has sent me into a depressive spiral and I can barely get out of bed most days”? Hardly something she could say over text. “I miss you too”? Then why the fuck hadn’t she gone to see him?

So she ignored it. She swallowed the clawing, anxious guilt that sat in her chest, and she ignored him.

She would never say it loud, but a part of her was so, so angry with him. They were best friends. She loved him. Why hadn’t he told her what was going on with him?

He had always been pretty arrogant. Is that what this was? Was he too prideful to admit he needed help? What had she ever done to deserve being cut out the way she had? Why hadn’t he trusted her?

She knew she was being unreasonable. Depression wasn’t fair or rational. Her friendship wasn’t enough to save him, evidently. That wasn’t his fault.

She had shed more tears over this over the past few days than she’d care to admit. Her flatmates had seen her breakdown by now more times than she could count. Still, when someone knocked on her bedroom door that evening, she did her best to scrub away the obvious tears on her cheeks.

To her relief, it was Shadowheart. She wasn’t sure she could handle the pitying way that Wyll and Astarion had taken to looking at her right now.

“Hey, can I come in?” she asked.

“Go ahead,” said Tav.

Shadowheart shut the door behind her and came and sat on Tav’s bed. “I just got back from the hospital. Gale is coming home tomorrow.”

“That’s- that’s good.” Tav’s voice was shaky and weak. Jen put a hand on her arm. “That’s…”

Tav was blinking furiously. Gale was getting out of hospital. That was good, right? She no longer needed to come up with excuses not to see him. Still, her stomach twisted with the guilt that she had managed to go for his entire hospital stay only seeing him once. Didn’t she love him? What kind of monster doesn’t go and see the person they love in hospital?

Shadowheart pulled her into a hug. Tav trembled against her, closing her eyes.

“I’m an arsehole,” she whimpered.

“No, you’re not,” said Shadowheart.

“I am. I never went to see him. I never-”

“Tav…”

“I love him, Jen.” The words burst out of her, making her heart clench. Jen, to her credit, didn’t seem at all surprised. “I love him so much and I can’t even bring myself to come and see him when he clearly needs it. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you. This is hard for all of us.”

“I’m the only one acting like this!”

“You’re closer to him than anyone. It makes sense that you would react more strongly.” Shadowheart was rubbing her back gently. Tav trembled, feeling like she didn’t deserve the comfort.

“Gale needs me.”

“Gale needs all of us. You can’t take care of him at your own expense, Tav. Gale has never been alone through this. He’s got me and Wyll and Astarion. Karlach and Lae’zel. His mum. And everyone else. Don’t ever feel like you’re abandoning him. He has so many loved ones around him to look after him. He is not alone. You need to look after yourself first.”

Tav didn’t have an answer to that. It was too late to change the past. All she could do now is try to do her best going forward.

“Wyll’s cooking tonight,” said Shadowheart. “We were thinking of watching a movie. You wanna join us?”

Tav nodded. “Yeah, okay. I’d like that.”

Next Chapter

#bg3 gale #gale x tav #gale dekarios x tav #bg3 fic #baldurs gate 3 fanfiction

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0mcsheep0 · 2 years ago

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I'm here for you (part 2 )

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DISCLAIMER: it is the continuation of the previous ''I'm here for you'', with the younger brothers. I had the idea to develop more about MC's point of view (to be more precise about what makes them feel sad). ( Part 1 below ) https://www.tumblr.com/0mcsheep0/711531618684289025/im-here-for-you?source=share

Warnings : sad topics in which the brothers would comfort you

Characters : Satan, Asmo, Beel, Belphie

GN!MC

-> The brothers when MC is feeling sad <-

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Satan (academic failure)

Satan is one of the most intelligent (if not the wisest) demons of Devildom; everyone knew it. He was also the closest of the seven brothers to you, the perfect sentimental and supportive guy. You often came into his room to study RAD for your future exams. He was patient and would explain any subject well. Last night, you were stressing out about that important math examen coming up the next day. You feel bad about it, even if you’ve been studying it for a week. As you were reading your notes laid on the bed, Satan checked up on you: « Hey there, MC. You’ve been quite academic for the past few days, and I noticed you’d neglected your health. When was the last time you had a consistent sleep schedule? Have you eaten this morning? You seem so tense; let me give you a shoulder massage ». How kind of Him! You got on your belly while Satan climbed on your back, his smooth but firm grip on your back muscles. « You think I will be good tomorrow? I’m afraid I will forget everything because of the stress. If so, I know I might get grounded by Lucifer… » you said with a sigh. ** The next day Even with Satan’s comforting words, you still couldn’t stay in place as you started your exam. It didn’t go as well as it was supposed to. Unfortunately, despite all your efforts, you still missed a few questions, which influenced your grade to lower at the bare minimum required. You felt empty after the test; you went home and locked yourself in your room. A few hours later, the blond demon knocked at your door, but even if it was locked, he used his magic to reach you. You were sobbing on your pillow. « Hey, kitten….. Levi told me you left RAD earlier. I know it was your exam this morning; I presume you are in this state because it didn’t go well, was it » he asked with a sad look. It didn’t go well? No, it was disastrous for both your final paper and your self-esteem. You were so confident about yourself; did you succumb to your anxiety? Even if you tried so, you could never be as good as the others. The worst part of it was that you tried! « Can I sit next to you »? You nodded. « Listen, MC; I’m aware of how frustrating you might have felt at the moment because, behind my look of the perfect student, I sometimes feel stressed too. You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself. With practice, you will be able to perform under stress like a pro, I promise ». You smiled a bit; then Satan brought you into his arms for a loooong hug.

Asmo (bad image of your body)

Asmo always cheers you up when you are questioning how worthy you think you are. You are nothing but the perfection in his eyes, the little sunshine that brightens his days in this dark world of devils. We all know that Asmodeus is hiding behind his confident and cocky appearance, insecurities, and fears about others’ perceptions of him. When times like this happened, you comforted him by saying, Everyone has his thoughts about other people, some are bad, but some are flattering. You must always think good about yourself and not let others bring you down. You were always the one who comforted him; never would he have thought YOU would be the one who needed him. You were sitting on your bed, clothes scattered everywhere on the floor. There was a big party at Diavolo’s castle tonight, in which you should be present, and you wanted to wear something elegant for the event. The problem was that you needed to determine what to choose; all your clothes seemed too casual. You didn’t have the money to buy something beautiful, and anyways, those types of clothes were styles to fit demon figures (holes for wings/tail, large sized because I headcanon the demons to be naturally taller than humans). You were desperate, and tears were slowly filling your eyes because of the frustration you felt at the instant. You searched for something cool to wear for almost two hours, but nothing was good enough. You looked at yourself in the mirror, and intrusive yet exaggerated thoughts entered your mind. Could your silhouette be the problem? Maybe everything was looking wrong on you, and it was your fault. You could never look as great surrendered by demons; they all looked magnificent, and you are only a human.

*** knock knock ***

You recognized Asmo’s voice behind the door, announcing his upcoming in your room. He was also invited to the party, and you felt even worse when you saw how stunning he looked in his relevant outfit. « My, my MC… what is all this mess made for? Your beautiful clothes will be dusty and wrinkled! Have you found what you’ll be wearing tonight»? You looked at him, clearly looking exasperated. Asmo was now looking at you with a concerned expression. You? Crying over something as simple as a lack of items of clothing? That wasn’t like you, the MC he knew wouldn’t give up that easily over something unworthy. He thought about what could have made you feel that way; « Mc dear… you aren’t concerned about how you might look around everyone else, right»? The tears were now showing on your shameful face. « Listen now. You are the most pretty person I’ve ever seen in my life. You heard me right; I said the most pretty PERSON, which means I’m comparing you to every species I know. It would help if you didn’t even compare yourself to others ». Those words; you’ve heard them countless times from many people. As insignificant as they might have sounded, the comment went directly to your heart. Asmo, the one you loved the most in the three worlds, thought this much about you? You smiled, then stood up with a sudden burst of confidence:

« Well, my clothes won’t get chosen if we stay in place. Would you mind helping me with that » you asked the fifth-born.

Beel (guilt of eating)

Beel is the most thoughtful, generous, and loving demon of all the Devildom, and he shows it daily to his brothers and you. Constantly checking up on others, he is someone you can rely on every time for anything. You trusted him, so you told him about something that had made you sad for the past few weeks. To be exact, HE was the one who initiated the talk since he caught you doing something he would never understand; restricting yourself from eating. Last night, he sneaked to the kitchen for a midnight snack when he noticed your dinner still on the fridge shelf. How could you skip dinner? From Beel's point of view, dinner time is the most satisfying time of the day. He hesitated to eat it but finally decided to wait till tomorrow to ask you about it. The next day, you answered that you weren't hungry and that it was nothing to worry about since it wouldn't occur again. Beel smiled in relief and left but found your dinner again in the fridge a few hours later. The Lord of the Flies was surprised. He decided to bring the meal directly to your room to have an honest response to your weird behavior. Once he passed your door, the demon was surprised to see you on a weighing scale. You were startled by his arrival and started to cry. « MC? Do you feel ashamed about your weight? Is it why you skipped your meals? Taking such restrictions isn't good for your health; you might end up sick. Please, tell me what's wrong». You explained to him that, for the past few weeks, many lower demons had been mocking you for your weight. You weren't thinking badly about yourself initially, but the repetitive insults were getting to your head. You thought about it more often, starting to wonder if those imbeciles were, in fact, correct about you. Did you overeat? Was your figure pretty enough? Maybe occasionally skipping meals would change your looks, then those unkind demons would shut up. Beelzebub was shocked by everything you said. To his eyes, you are splendid, a perfect work of art. He never thought that stupidities like that would affect you that much. « My love, don't ever get influenced by nasty insults like that again. Those demons are jealous of how good-looking you are, so they try to put you down. Skipping meals won't bring any positive changes to you. If you want to change your appearance, we could work it out together with healthier measures. Please, eat the three meals you need daily; I don't want you to end up sick ». The red-haired demon then got closer to you and hugged you tightly. You are feeling a lot better now.

Belphie (sadness from leaving the Devildom)

It was supposed to be a casual day. Like every other morning, you woke up in your bed sheets, with Belphegor at your side, squatting the left side of your mattress. The weather outside sounded perfect for walking or organizing a picnic with the brothers. A tiny bat (I thought bats would be the ideal representation of ''birds'' down in Devildom since they are nocturnal) got closer to the window of your room as if it was calling for the morning. You straightened up on your bed, carefully resting your back on the wall to not wake the sleepyhead beside you. You reached your D.D.D. to look on Delvilgram; your post from the last day with Asmo on the beach might have gotten many likes! Unfortunately, the message that first popped on your screen faded your smile. Diavolo sent you the following statement: « Good morning MC! You have been staying in the Devildom for two years now; you must return to the human world for a while to see your family. I will pick you up at the front entrance in an hour ». You tilted your head down; time flies so fast when you enjoy your time with the ones you love. Like every time you leave the Devildom, a massive wave of sadness fills your heart. The memories of your good moments with Belphie, as he is the one you love, ran through your mind, and a few tears escaped your eyes and blurred your vision. At this moment, Belphie opened his eyes and frowned; « MC, why are you crying? Did you have another nightmare? Tell me everything ». You quickly announced your future leaving to the youngest brother, and he sighted of disagreement. Of course, he knew that day would come, but he hadn't acknowledged how quickly this day would come. « It sucks; I would have loved to keep you by my side every day, to wake up next to you every morning. I guess I understand that you have to go back to your family, but what about me? You will miss me, am I wrong? (…) Do you remember when we went camping outside the House of Lamentation to see the bright stars illuminating the sky? It was fun, wasn't it? (…) Listen, MC, I won't beat around the bush and will tell you how I feel about the situation. You know that I love you unconditionally and that I will always do. It won't change anything that you leave for another time; I will still love you once you return to me ». His words comforted you; you knew he was thinking everything he said. You smiled, then took him in your arms to enjoy your last moments together.

#obey me beelzebub #belphie my beloved #obey me satan #comforting thoughts #obey me asmodeus #sadness hours #obey me imagines #obey me shall we date #sad thoughts #obey me x reader #obey me mc

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