#it scratches the itch of whatever kind of neurodivergent I am
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One of the Get To Know You questions online for my class starting next week asks “what fictional place/world would you visit if you could?” and I knew immediately it would be the Goblin Market.
Forget what Hogwarts house you belong to. Which Wayward Children doorway would be yours…
#I got to meet Seanan McGuire twice and both times I asked her to sign my copy of In An Absent Dream lmao#I have no idea why that one speaks to me SO MUCH???#I think Nancy as a character feels the most relatable to me but the Goblin Market…the equal value….#it scratches the itch of whatever kind of neurodivergent I am
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Things I wish I had been told/asked by adults as a multiply-neurodivergent kid/teen*:
I can see you really enjoy/love xyz...what is it that you like about it?
In (x number of days) we will be going to (insert new place/experience involving me here)...here is what will be happening, and when, and how, and why. Do you have any questions about any of this? What do you need in order for this to be easier for you?
If it bothers you, it bothers you. I believe you when you say something is frightening, painful or uncomfortable.
You don’t have to try (insert new food here) if you really don’t want to- only when you’re ready. In the meantime, there’s plenty of your safe foods for you to eat.
It is not your fault that you got sick-not even if you ate too many sweets because you enjoy the gustatory input/you have a hard time identifying when you’re full, or you didn’t wear your coat outside because you have difficulty registering temperature changes/don’t like the way certain clothes feel. We (your parents/caregivers) will help you feel better and love you through this.
It’s okay to cry/feel sad/scared/angry. Crying/being outwardly upset lets me know something is wrong, so I can help you.
I’m really glad you felt safe enough to tell me that (xyz person) makes you feel sad, mad, or uncomfortable. It’s not okay that they make you feel that way, and you didn’t do anything to deserve it. I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again.
If you’re hungry, eat.
You are allowed to say no.
You don’t have to be hugged/kissed/tickled/noogied/playfully punched in the shoulder by relatives (or anyone) if you don’t want to be, and it’s okay to say so.
It’s okay to tell (xyz relative) that you don’t like to be teased.
Would it help if we set up a safe sensory area/a punching bag in the garage for you to make use of when you’re overloaded/melting down, so you don’t have to self-harm?
What do you need/what would make this easier/how can I help? (I know I listed a version of this earlier, but I feel like this question and it’s variants really can’t be asked enough)
It isn’t/wasn’t your fault.
I know that all behavior is communication.
I know that meltdowns/sensory overloads are not tantrums or things you do “at” me.
I’m really glad you have a comfort item/stim toy that helps you feel safe and calm. Nobody is allowed to take it from you, or change it in any way, and you don’t have to share it if you don’t want to.
I’m so sorry you misplaced your comfort item/stim toy-that must be so hard, and it’s okay to be upset. I’ll help you look for it.
No one will think badly of you if decide to do/not do xyz
I’m so glad I got to spend time/talk with you today.
This is a grownup problem-you can’t change or fix it, and we won’t drag you into the middle of it. Just enjoy being a kid.
Your interests are NOT bad/inappropriate/cringy/weird/childish/boring etc
The concept of “age appropriate/age-inappropriate” is complete bullish!t.
If there’s something I’m doing/saying that’s upsetting you, I really want to know about it so I can make changes.
Just as a heads-up, I’m about to run the vacuum cleaner/crush this soda can/run the garbage disposal, etc. (as a courtesy so someone w/ sensory issues can cover their ears/put headphones on)
I saw (something related to hyperfixation/interests) today and thought of you!
I love you unconditionally-you are irreplaceable.
Thank you for being patient/flexible.
I found a backup(s) of your favorite book/plushie/stim toy/comfort item, just in case!
I know you love your gourd/pumpkin with a cute face painted on it that we got at the grocery store last Halloween-it *is* awfully cute! But sweetie, it’s been a month, and it’s getting too yucky to stay in the house. Why don’t we put it outside where you can still visit it whenever you want?
You are NOT spoiled/immature/self-indulgent/overly sensitive/difficult, and anyone who says that you are is wrong.
You can read a book in bed or do some other quiet activity if you have trouble falling asleep right away.
You can tell me the truth, I won’t be mad.
I know you don’t chew on pencil erasers/plastic toys/backpack straps/hoodie strings/shirt collars to be gross, or because you’re a “baby”- you need a specific kind of sensory input. Let’s find you some chewelry that you like!
Aw, those are some cute stuffed animals you brought home from the flea market/Disney Store/bookstore! What are their names?
If a certain type of therapy makes you feel unsafe or like you’ll never be good enough, you don’t have to go anymore.
I’m sorry/I was wrong/I made a mistake/I messed up...how can I make things better?
You don’t have to wear “fancy” clothes if they itch/scratch/scrape/poke/tickle/bind...dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable.
I am interested in you.
I am always here for you.
I’m on your side.
I want to hear what you have to say.
Your wants and needs matter.
You are allowed to exist and take up space.
You are not “too much.”
Whatever the problem is, we’ll find a way to solve it (to be fair, I *did* get told this when I was a kid, just not as often as I needed to)
You don’t need to suffer just so everyone else can be happy/comfortable...you matter too.
Go ahead and infodump to me!
You are allowed to stim.
You are allowed to like things.
You are SO much more important to me than any material possession.
I’ll put my phone/device away so I can give you my undivided attention.
You can draw during class if you need to-I love seeing your little cartoons in the margins of the worksheets you turn in!
It’s okay to fail and make mistakes-there are some things you just can’t get right the first time.
If you are tired, go ahead and take a nap.
Take some time to relax/have a snack/sleep before telling me about your day/getting started on your homework.
How smart you are/how hard you work/how good you are at learning/your worth as a human being is not determined by what grades you make in school.
...and I think that pretty much covers it! Please feel free to reblog with your own! 😃
*= I intentionally titled this “things *I* wish I’d been told” and invited others to add on b/c I know everyone’s experiences are different, and the last thing I want to do is presume to speak for everyone-although if it still comes off like I am, I do apologize.
#adhd#neurodivergence#neurodiversity#parents mention#food mention#eating mention#school mention#ableism#abuse#long post#disability#anxiety#depression#mental health#self injury#autism#ask to tag
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