#it reminds me of little me trying out dnd with random groups not knowing anyone. it’s really struck a chord in me :(

[killianhemlock]

SENZ I KNOW YOU’LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE THIS AND I WILL NEVER HAVE THE BALLS TO POST THIS SOMEWHERE UOU CAN SEE BUT LISTEN TO ME !!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE LOVE YOUR CHARACTER, ALL OF HIS FLAWS ARE WHAT MAKES HIS CHARACTER SO GREAT IT ISNT A HINDRANCE AT ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOPIXEL IS HARSH SOMETIMES AND MOST OF THE THINGS DONE TO LINK AFFECTED YOU TOO AND THATS OKAY!!!! YOURE FINDING YOUR GROUP!! YOURE FINDING YOUR MOTIVATION !!

SHAKES HOU SHAKES YOU SHAKES YOU PLEASE HEAR ME DUDE YOU ARE DOING SO FUCKING WELL FOR KNOWING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE GOING INTO THE CITY !!!!! YOURE DOING SO GREAT AND PEOPLE LOVE YOUR CHARACTER !!!!!! YOU HAVE DONE YOUR BEST WITH WHAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU, AND YOURE EATING THAT SHIT UP !!!!! KEEP GOING DUDE !!!!!

[walksinlatewithcoffee]

“I was traumatized by a so-called friend who used my interests against me so I can’t let anyone know I have Interests check!”

Anyway funny story my lock screen is this like old school tumblr text and image collage that I found on google and I chose it cause it reminds me of Tubbo. It’s got all sorts of corny inspirational messages and little drawings of bees and the whole thing is yellow.

Like that’s my idea of having a mcyt wallpaper on my phone. A random result from googling “tumblr phone wallpaper” that just so happened to be bee themed. And even then I’m terrified of someone noticing that it’s bee themed and noticing that my home screen wallpaper is Pokémon themed (I’m was supposed to be a placeholder but I’m kinda vibing with it, it’s the gen 3 intro screen with the bikes but turned into a full rectangle and it’s actually cool I might keep it for a while) and connect the dots that they’re probably both fandom related and hhhhhh

So yeah just a tiny vent about the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known and my trauma from ninth grade when my so called best friend found my ffnet account and cyber bullied me off the website then blamed it on my other best friend. I never told either of them my account name or what the story was about, just that I was writing something. I still to this day don’t know how she knew it was me cause I used a fake name n everything.

I stopped writing completely for like a whole year. Not fanfiction, not original fiction, not poetry, nothing.

Dear lord the thought of someone finding out I watch Minecraft streamers I think I’d die. Even though I know for a fact none of my current friends would even care much less try to pull shit but... idk fandom stuff just Hits Deep. It’s the adhd man.

In high school found a DS Zelda game in a parking lot and threw it away cause I associated the franchise so strongly with someone I was friends with in middle school who also kinda fucked my whole life up to the point where none of that friend group can remember anything from middle school. It’s just a repressed blur. I thought I’d be cursed if I kept anything that reminded me of her.

I couldn’t think about two of my favorite anime for like a year cause the girl that got blamed for the cyber bullying made me move in with her for college, got me to share my favorite shows with her cause she was my only friend for a long while, then destroyed our friendship over stupid shit! Then she made all our mutual friends stop talking to me, then went so far as to track down my younger friends in our hometown and try to make them drop me too.

Luckily they didn’t cause they’re not stupid and they know damn well all the nerdy/geeky/etc. girls in my graduating class were manipulative assholes who preyed on my people-pleasing nature and that none of them could be trusted.

But still. I genuinely hate sharing my interests with people. I hate talking about fandom stuff with people.

But I love talking about fandom stuff with people. I miss getting to talk about fire emblem with some of my community college friends who got me into it in the first place (transferred to the school in my hometown, things were better there) and DnD is always fun with my group.

I even found someone who likes the same cringe anime I do, the sort you don’t tell ANYBODY about in 2020.

And now all I wanna do is tell everyone I know about mcyt. But I can’t. All the joy of telling people about it would be immediately crushed by fear and regret.