#it rearranged something in my brain

[weather-mood]

I. For the fanfic ask

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Bible verses 🫡

[manderleyfire]

I will do all this, I will get all this blood on my hands, and you are able to plead naivety.

[majimaisms]

I was just looking at your last reply about Majima not even trying + it popped into my head about his really bad problem with losing and it made me think about how Majima is just really angry about not being good at things in general.

He latches on to the things he IS good at, and though he doesn't necessarily have an avoidance tendency in regards to trying new things, he definitely has an issue with having tried them & it not working out within the first couple of attempts. And I'm not sure what it is in his life that that stems from exactly, but it's a really, really bad and maladaptive way that he copes with his own failings - especially when they move away from things like hobbies and interests and into his own attitude and way of doing things in general - and is also probably one of the things that keeps driving him back to the same life over and over, because it's something he knows and knows that he can do.

first of all i need to die. this is making me like. crazy. second of all i think this is a very common response to failure that many people have, and in majima's case i would say it probably stems from his entire sense of self-worth coming from his *ability* to do things. it's why he likes being useful, but he doesn't just *like* being good at things, he relies on it to make his life bearable. because it's the only way he can feel good about himself.

not wanting to admit defeat is, also, i think part of this almost childishly stubborn tendency he has towards believing himself capable of manipulating reality, and having an overinflated sense of agency.

with these things combined, i think a lot of what makes "being majima" bearable for him is the deep-seated belief that, he could do anything he wants to do if he puts his mind to it. play and excel at *any role* he chooses. what happened with mirei was such a strong piece of evidence *against* that that i can't see majima doing anything *but* avoid it. because i think he's microdosing delusions all the time to not just fucking blow his brains out anyway

what's interesting is, when the same thing happens with saejima, he makes it his life's mission to make up for that failure. with mirei... well. how you want to interpret that depends on how charitable you want to be, but i think it's saying something that his idea of making up for his failure to saejima necessarily involves him dying. and for someone who already doesn't give a shit if he lives or dies, who's been "ready to die since the day he swore his oath"... you have to ask if it's really a sacrifice at all, or just an excuse. and the alternative is... bros before hoes?

(reply in question btw:)

[fisheito]

excuse me blade, sir, drioid,maam, why are u so cute. I demand to know. What's happening to me why can't i stop staring at your adorable helmet with the frosted :D signature screen

[anghraine]

This has nothing to do with SW, I just felt like saying it:

I feel like a lot of us on this site probably could identify a specific book or series we read as children or teenagers that impacted us more than any other. It's the book/series that disproportionately shaped our senses of what a book or a genre could be and changed us in some fundamental way beyond the reach of every other book we were reading at the time. People joke these days about books or other media that "alter your brain chemistry," but this book honestly did feel like that.

Maybe this isn't everyone, but it was definitely something that happened to me as a kid. I still own the same copy of the book that did this for me. I've hung onto it for over 20 years, partly because I still love the story, and partly because I have such a strong sentimental attachment to my particular paperback copy of a book that blew open my sense of what a fantasy story could be and what ideas it could engage with.

It not only made me want to read the next book in its series, it made me want to write books myself and imagine my own worlds beyond my hobby of writing little sketches and stories for myself. I previously had no intention of showing those scraps to anyone else, but this book made me want to write fantasy seriously, to write things I might some day show other people without being embarrassed about it. And the book not only inspired me to want this, but convinced me I could do it. I started writing creatively in earnest and I never stopped.

It wasn't any of the books I usually talk about, either. Here's what it was for me:

[Photographs of a paperback copy of Diane Duane's High Wizardry from around 2001]

I've been thinking of what fantasy favorites I'll re-read after I drag myself through what remains of my dissertation and ... honestly, it will probably be High Wizardry.

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

No one told me that Marketing is mostly working with people that have a very specific idea of what they want you to make, but won't tell you what it is, but will get very upset when you don't deliver that on your first try.

[shippingmyworld]

how long does burnout last? asking for a friend

[elkian]

PAKIGE

[alyosha]

maybe i should get back into watching anime

[captainjonnitkessler]

My brain: hey I was thinking we should put on some Nightwish tonight

Me: Okay, but we'd BETTER not be up at two am, eighteen wikipedia pages deep into researching the precambrian era

My brain: no I swear we're going to listen to a few songs like a normal person and then go to bed

Me at two am, eighteen wikipedia pages deep into researching the precambrian era: ah fuck not again

[foli-vora]

spent over an hour changing the look and colours of my blog while i indulged in a box of maltesers and a few g&t's and i think my brain is actually settled now

[dan-crimes]

I love writers I love when they ramble on abt characters and their motivations, their core values and the reasons why they react to things in certain ways and having character interactions work off of each other due to their differing ways of viewing the world and in general I just love character analysis

[feminetomboy]

Going through a really big frustration phase with my art rn, please be patient with me (and by you I mean myself I feel the need to wrap my spine around a lamp post bites bites bites bites)

[hazbincalifornia]

So, Emmie was very kind in gifting me some of her duplicate card pulls/extra stuff from the merch boxes, and included some of her art for me in the box with them! It’s really cool to see how vivid the colors are, (pic doesn’t show it super well) and how little some of it is!

[wewindondowntheroad]

something has to change something has to change something has to change something has to change something has to change something has to change something has to

[samaspic31]

Also mortifying realization. The reason i like having long hair so much might have been buckykinning all along