#it really makes you think… also yeah my original point was gunna be the ship names in general sometimes seeming ironic like twyde | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fireheartpages · 5 years ago

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Hey! Can you make a Bucky fic where he has this huge crush on the reader and he’s convinced she’s totally out of his league and she ends up finding out somehow and she teases him about it and purposely gets him flustered before she admits she feels the same way. Thank you so much!

i love this idea so much i just had to write it as soon as i saw this rq

“You’re staring again, Barnes,” Sam said.

Bucky snapped his eyes from you and the oat milk you were pouring into your cereal. “Am not,” he grumbled.

Sam laughed mockingly. “Alright, keep on starin’ with those puppy dog eyes and see what happens.”

“I do not have–” He stopped when you turned back around and smiled at the two.

“Mornin’, boys,” you said with a smirk went straight to his head and a tanktop that went straight to his–y’know.

Bucky cleared his throat before he responded, “Mornin’, doll,” while looking down at his coffee and toast.

“Hey,” a voice sounded. Nat rounded the corner, shooting a smile at Bucky and Sam before addressing you. “Spar in ten?”

“It’s a date,” you said, starting to follow her.

Before you left the kitchen, Sam caught you and asked, “How about you save a dance for Barnes? He could use the practice. A good ass-kickin’ might do him well.”

Bucky went scarlet as you laughed brightly. “You gotcha.” And you sent Bucky a wink which only served to turn his blush darker.

He was silent as Sam chuckled as you rounded the corner. It wasn’t until you turned the corner that Bucky grumbled: “I’m gunna kill you.”

“Dude,” Sam scolded. “You gotta do something before Natasha sweeps her off her feet!”

“Nat’s not gonna–” Sam stopped him with a pointed look. Bucky just sighed. “She’s out of my league, man.”

“Can’t argue with that,” snorted Sam.

Bucky punched him.

The thing was, you were out of his league. You were gorgeous, intelligent. You had a great sense of humor and were a perfect team player. You could run circles around most of them, even keep up with Steve and Bucky. You were kind and considerate, you’d been through so much and still come you smiling and encouraging. You were the most capable and genuine person he knew. And he loved your eyes so much. He loved everything about you. Every attribute you had to offer, he thought you were p–

He always did that. He could get lost in the thought of you so fast, it would give someone whiplash. There was so much to get lost in. Like your eyes, dear god–

Sorry, sorry. Real life.

But, real life was the problem. Because in real life, you’d never like him back. What was there to like?

SO he left it alone. He left it all alone and was content just to be around you. Because having you in his life was better than any alternative. Bucky was borderline glad you didn’t know.

Unfortunately, everyone else did.

And no one was in the business to let him live it down. The little joke Sam pulled that morning in the kitchen was the least of it. There was constantly slander and tons of inuendos and–shipping. Bucky didn’t really know what that was, but half of the bunch seemed rather keen on it. That annoyed the hell out of Bucky. It was only a matter of time before the whole thing blew up in his face.

That day came and went. He trained with you later that evening, even losing a few rounds in a ring. You, him, Nat, and Steve even went for drinks that night. Bucky felt like he had to be blind not to see everything between you and Nat. Steve tried to make him feel better when he noticed Bucky’s dejected expression with a pat on the back and a “Chin up, pal.” It didn’t help.

You all ended up stumbling home tipsy and giggling. You were hanging on Bucky’s arm and he was a little too proud of that. But he certainly wasn’t going to shove you off anytime soon. The group pushed through into the common room, laughing at something Nat had said. Sam and Wanda were watching a movie on the couch, some Netflix original Wanda had chosen, from the looks of it.

“Hey, gang,” Sam greeted with a dazzling smile. He noted you and Bucky in such a tight grip and his eyebrows shot up. “Damn, Barnes, finally ‘fess up to your feelings? Little liquid courage was all you needed, huh?”

You were still laughing as you asked, “What feelings?”

The room instantly dropped ten degrees in temperature. Nat seemed to sober up, and Steve instantly stopped laughing. The smile fell from Sam’s face and even Wanda seemed to fold into herself as she stood gracefully off the couch. Bucky tensed up as your gaze turned up to him.

“Bro, I’m sorry, I just assumed–” Sam stumbled over an apology.

“N-nothing, doll,” Bucky laughed, trying to play it off. “Nothing.”

“Are you sure?” you asked. You laughed and hid your blush in his jacket. “That’s not what it sounded like.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky saw a soft flash of red, and then heard Wanda whisper, “Oh…”

“Don’t worry, girl,” Sam tried to assure you. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Oh.” Was that disappointment in your eyes?

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Steve said, putting a hand on your shoulder. “Let’s get you upstairs–”

Nat huffed and rolled her eyes. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Barnes has the hots for you and has for about six months he’s just too pussy to admit it.”

The whole room froze. Only Wanda breathed out, “Shit…”

You giggled. “You like me?”

“Uh, maybe now isn’t the best time for this–” Bucky stuttered.

“Like a crush?” You were overly-giggly. In any other situation, he would have found you adorable.

“Let’s get you upstairs, doll,” he said instead.

“Buck, I can–” Steve began.

“I got it.” He just ushered you upstairs, leaving the group alone.

You laughed up the stairs and down the hall. “Is she serious? You like me, Buck?”

“This isn’t grade school, doll,” he huffed. He pushed open the door.

“I know, but I like the sound of it. Bucky Barnes likes me.” You giggled in that completely unnecessarily adorable way again. “It makes me happy.”

He sat you down on your bed with a humored huff. “Anything to make you happy.”

“I like it when you call me ‘doll,’” you said.

Bucky ran his tongue over his teeth. “Heh… Anything to make you happy, then, doll.”

“Yeah,” you laughed with the cutest smile that just about made Bucky’s heart jump out of his chest. “Like that.”

Bucky considered saying something, but instead just patted your leg before choking out, “You should go to sleep.”

“Wait, wait,” you said. You caught his hand and his heart lept into his throat. “Goodnight kiss.” A pout pulled on your bottom lip and god he really did want to kiss it.

“Not now, you’re drunk,” he resided.

“I’m not too drunk to give you a hard time about crushing on me,” you teased. Bucky couldn’t do anything but sigh and not meet your eye. “And I’m not too drunk to tell you I also like you.”

He froze. “Honey, I know that’s the alcohol. If you just go to bed you might not even remember this and then–”

“No!” you whined, that pout returning to that bottom lip. “I wanna remember it.”

Bucky just stared at you, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. “I…”

“C’mon, I’ve been waiting. For you to admit it.” You looked away bashfully. “I’m not blind, y’know.”

“I mean, I didn't think–I just wasn’t sure–Uh, I guess–”

Bucky was still stuttering as you rolled your eyes and let you an exasperated, “Come on, Bucky!” and the got up and then–

And then you pulled his face to yours and kissed him. Hard but your lips were so soft you tasted like honey and vodka. Just another thing for him to get lost in, he guessed.

It was a while before you parted, and all he could manage was, “Thank god.”

#this was just too frickin cute #bucky barnes x reader #request #one shot #bucky barnes #marvel #i'm v happy w how this turned out hehehe #pls appreciate her it's 3 am and i havent done any school work #like whatsoever #but i wrote this so

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jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets · 6 years ago

Text

Lost in Translation - Ch 11

Title: Lost in Translation

Fandom: Star Trek

Pairing: Mckirk

Rating: lemon

Tags: minor character death, hurt, little bit of self destruction, stranded, smut

Summary:

“Attention citizens. This is the crew of the Enterprise asking for your aid. On Stardate 2264.78 a shuttle manned by our captain and fourteen cadets was ambushed by an unknown source and chased out of sight of our ship and into open space. Those cadets as well as our captain, James Tiberius Kirk, are still missing. We are asking anyone with any information on their whereabouts, or regarding the attack, to please contact the Enterprise immediately. Our family would appreciate any assistance you can give.”

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A/N: So this turned into a little treat for y’all! There is definitely a very nice scene in this chapter *wiggles eyebrows* (i guess you could call it... smut) Now, that’s not at all how I originally intended for this chapter to go, but I started writing it, and things happened, and I couldn’t stop them from happening, so I just went with the flow and I liked it! So, yeah, please enjoy! ALSO!!!!!! I owe this entire chapter to my dear friend and Boo @goingknowherewastaken She helped me plan out this entire chapter because shes freaking awesome! So if y’all haven checked her out already, you should!! <3

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Chapter 11

As Len rested his head on Jim's chest, still listening to the constant thrum of his heart, the padd he had abandoned on the bedside table chimed at him. Slowly he lifted his head off of Jim and grabbed the padd.

The next log on the screen was flashing, waiting for Len to play it. This time it was one of Jim's.

He found himself slightly hesitant this time. He wanted to know what had happened, to hear the rest of Jim's logs, and Spock had insisted that there was a reason, something at the end that would make everything fall into place and finally make sense. But it still broke his heart straight to the core that the only way he could hear Jim's voice right now was through his logs. He wanted to hear Jim's real voice, speaking to him face to face, but Jim was still showing no signs of waking up.

With a heavy sigh he forced himself to open the next log, sitting back with the padd in one hand and Jim's hand in the other as it started to play.

“Hey, Bones,” Len closed his eyes at the sound. By this point Jim had been on the planet for at least twenty days now, alone and walking across the empty desert. Len had lost track of the exact date in the logs since Jim had stopped adding stardates to his entries. But what really got Len at this point was the change in Jim's voice. Surely he was malnourished, dehydrated, and in pain from his injuries, but there was almost a distance in Jim's voice now. Almost as if he was starting to lose himself to the planet, to the empty desert, to the loneliness. Delirium was what Len would diagnose, at least the early onset of it. He shook his head trying to push the thought of Jim going crazy alone in the desert out of his mind as it played on, “I was thinking about you today, about how worried you must be by now, and probably scared and I'm sorry for that, Bones. But there was one time you really scared the hell out of me. You were missing and I was running my ass all over campus looking for you, but also… something happened that day and I… I don’t know if you remember, you were pretty drunk that night. But if I do die here, Bones, I want you to know what happened, and that I don’t necessarily regret it, but I wish it had happened under different circumstances. But, do you remember that time I had to peel your ass out of the bar… you probably don’t but I wish you did. You were so drunk you probably don’t even know what happened, you might not even remember getting from the bar back to our room. But, Bones, what happened when we got home… I wish I could have told you, but I was afraid. You were drunk and I wasn’t sure if your reaction was true or if it was because of the alcohol, and if it was I didn’t want to ruin us, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But I wish I could have told you how bad I wanted it to be true, Bones, when I had the chance, but I guess if you ever find this comm… now you'll know…”

~~~~~~~~~~~

To say that Jim was worried was the understatement of the year. He was horrified, scared as hell, and on the verge of panic attack number four of the day. He had woke up that morning to find Len gone from their room. His side of the bed was empty and cold, proving he had been gone for a while before Jim woke up, with no note or explanation as to why he had left.

Normally, Jim wouldn’t have been so worried, but it was a rare day. They both had a Wednesday off, the entire day. No classes, no work, just the entire day for themselves, and they had planned out the whole day together. Sleep in, get a late brunch together at the diner in town they both loved, Len had wanted a walk on the beach in the afternoon, a movie after dinner, and Jim had asked if they could lay in the grass at the park that night and watch the stars together.

It was a whole day of just being together, they had both been so excited for the day to come, and now Len was nowhere to be found. It was around eight in the morning when Jim woke up to find him gone, and it was now nearing ten at night. Jim had been from one side of campus to the other, he had asked everyone he could possibly think of that might know of Len’s whereabouts but no one seemed to have any information. He was about to call in a missing persons report when his phone vibrated in his pocket, and he quickly pulled it out to see if it was Len finally returning the fifty voicemails and countless texts he had sent him.

“Bones?!” he had answered the phone so fast he hadn’t even looked at the caller ID.

“Jim,” Jim deflated at the voice on the line, it wasn’t Len's, “hey, it’s Anthony.”

“Hey, man, look,” he sighed, starting up at a run again through campus, “I’d love to talk but now’s not really a good time, I-”

“That’s why I'm calling,” Jim slowed down just slightly to listen better, “heard you were looking for McCoy?”

“I am.”

“I’ve got him here,” Jim released a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, “unfortunately I didn’t see him on time before he managed to pump himself full of almost two full bottles of bourbon, so he's practically hanging off my bar, but he's here and I’ll keep him here until you can come get him if you want.”

“Yeah!” Jim started up again at a full run, “Make sure he doesn’t move, I'm on my way!”

~~~~~~~~~~

About fifteen minutes later Jim burst through the doors to the bar. It was quiet tonight, exams were in this week so most students were at home studying, save for the few who were just here for a good time. Looking around he instantly spotted Len at the bar, hanging off of it and looking an absolute mess just as Anthony had said.

A glance to the side had Jim looking at the large bar owner, standing in front of Len on the other side of the bar. Jim wasn’t all too happy that Len was very obviously drunk off his ass, but the pure flow of relief that coursed through him when he finally laid eyes on Len was the best feeling he had ever felt in his life.

When Jim reached the bar, Anthony nodded at him before saying, “Sorry, Jim. I tried to get him to down some water but he won’t have it.”

Jim looked down to Len as he just groaned, then back up to Anthony, “I don’t know which one of my employees allowed him to consume this much alcohol, but believe me when I find them, and I will, they’ll be lucky if I don’t hang their ass by the flagpole in the middle of campus. I'm sorry, man.”

“It’s not your fault,” Jim gave the man a small smile, “I'm just glad he's somewhat alright, or in my sights at least. Thanks for keeping him here.”

“No problem,” Anthony held a hand across the bar for Jim to shake, then gave a nod and said, “I’ll give you two some space,” and walked away.

When Anthony was at the other end of the bar, Jim took up the stool next to Len and sat down with a hand on his back. “Bones, what's going on?”

Len just groaned, his head still buried in his arms on the bar.

“Can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, and you know I'm not gunna stop nagging you until you do,” he gave a slight smirk when Len squirmed beside him, “so you can take your pick, easy way or the hard way.”

Slowly, Len forced himself to sit up straight, well, as straight as he could for as drunk as he was. He turned a scrunched face on Jim, more then likely fighting a raging headache.

Jim grabbed the glass of water that Anthony had tried to give him earlier and forced it into Len's hand, “Drink the whole thing, Bones.”

He did, all in one go, and when he was finished Jim motioned to Anthony for another, forcing that one into his hand as well. “Alright, now tell me what's going on.”

Len took a moment and ran a hand down his face, then reached a hand inside his jacket and handed Jim a folded up envelope. Jim took it, watching Len with worried eyes as he did, and pulled the papers out taking a minute to read them before responding with a deflated sigh, “I'm sorry, Bones.”

“I don’t know what her problem is,” he choked out, “it’s not like I was a bad father.”

“I'm sure you weren’t.”

“I worked extra hours so that we had extra money, so we could give Joanna everything she needed and would ever need,” he shook his head, staring straight ahead as he continued his venting, “and yeah, I know… I know I wasn’t home all the time, but I tried, Jim. I really did. I even tried to make it work with Jocelyn. We both knew long before Joanna came along that we should never have been together, but I tried to make it work for the baby, and she threw everything away, not me. She ruined my life.”

Jim winced at those words, looking away for a moment then turning back. “You can’t think about it that way, Bones. I know things went south for a while after she kicked you out but you got your life back on track. You’ve got a great career ahead of you with Starfleet, you're the head of the medbay at the academy, a few years away from graduating and then you and me will be in space, together, exploring and discovering new things! You have a great life ahead of you, Bones, you can’t look back at the past and let it run your life anymore.”

“Jim, I'm a mess,” he stated firmly, “an absolute, goddamn mess, who obviously can’t keep a handle on it for very long. Says so right in the papers you're holding.”

Jim lifted the papers in front of him and waved them furiously before throwing them on the counter, “These papers are a load of crap, Bones, send them back!”

“I can’t,” he pushed the papers away from him as if they were some kind of plague, “Jocelyn wants to finalize the custody arrangement, that meaning I never get to see Joanna again.”

“Fight it!” Jim leaned in towards Len, “She can’t keep you from your own flesh and blood.”

“I’ve tried,” he replied, sounding more defeated then Jim had ever heard him sound, even at his lowest, “and apparently she can. Because of my track record when she kicked me out, before I got into the academy and straightened out, she's been granted full custody of Joanna. And with the best lawyers this side of the planet, I have no choice.”

Jim sighed with a shake of his head, “I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.”

“Yeah well, guess I had it coming,” he shrugged, “I was obviously a terrible husband, a crappy father, and shit at everything else. I'm only good for screwing things up.”

“Bull!” Jim slammed a fist on the counter making Len turn to look him dead in the eyes, “I would bet my life that you would be the best husband in the world, a fantastic father… an excellent lover. It’s not your fault that this time it was with the wrong person.” Jim hesitantly lifted a hand to Len's face, stroking his thumb across his cheek, and he was sure he heard Len's breath hitch as he did, “Jocelyn doesn’t know what she let go.”

The two of them just stared at each other for a moment, Jim continuing to caress his cheek, and Len not knowing what to do or say. Before the moment could get much more heated, Len turned his attention to the papers on the counter, holding them in his hand.

“I sign these papers, Jim…” he closed his eyes, “I’ve got nothing left.”

Jim nodded, turning away from Len to stare down at the counter and whispered, “You’ve got me.”

Len whipped his head around to Jim, the sodden expression on his face pulling at every heart string he had, “Jim, I didn’t meant it like that, I just-”

Jim lifted his head and turned to Len with a smile, “I know. I just wanted to make sure you knew you weren’t alone, and you never will be again, not as long as I'm around. I promise.”

Those words hit Len like a brick wall. Even when Jocelyn had said her vows, ‘till death do us part’, he knew it was a lie. He knew she wouldn’t be around long, he knew they were never meant to be together and yet he still went through with it. But with Jim… it was different, it had always been different. Right from the start he knew Jim was here to stay, and so was he. He knew that nothing in the world, or the universe could ever tear them apart, but hearing Jim say it out loud, to promise him that when he already knew it was true, meant more to Len then he would ever be able to express in words.

Losing all control over his body, Len leaned into Jim slowly, making sure he had enough time to back out if he wanted to. But he didn’t, in fact Len was sure Jim was leaning in too. If they both wanted this, then why had they waited so goddamn long? It could have been the alcohol talking, but despite his current drunken state, Len still knew he wanted this, he wanted Jim… always had.

He was inches away from his face, he could feel Jim's breath on his lips, their noses touching ever so slightly. He was almost there, almost touching, almost kissing Jim.

He rested a hand on Jim's thigh and was ready to close the gap and make the leap, when his stomach suddenly rolled and betrayed him and before he could kiss Jim, he found himself bending over and completely emptying the contents of his stomach onto Jim's shoes.

Jim groaned throwing his head back in frustration. Not at the fact that Len had just ruined his shoes, but at the fact that it seemed every time they were that close, something happened to completely ruin the moment. Damn it, he was almost there. But maybe it was for the better, Len was obviously not at his best right now and Jim had to concentrate on taking care of him first.

He lifted Len from where he had his head rested on Jim's knee and hooked his arm around his shoulder. As he lifted Len off the seat and began walking with him out of the bar he threw an apologetic look at Anthony, “Sorry, man.”

He merely waved him off saying, “Don’t worry about it, we’ve had much worse. You just make sure you take care of the good doctor.”

Jim gave him a nod in thanks and began the slow trek back across campus to their building.

Half way there Len groaned and laid his head on Jim's shoulder as they continued to stagger across the grounds, “Can’t we just take a cab back?”

Jim chuckled, “Nope. Consider this punishment for ruining my best pair of shoes and making me worry about you all day. And the fresh air will do you good, wake your drunk ass up a little.”

He groaned into Jim's shoulder again as they kept walking.

It took Jim about twice the time it would normally take to get Len home and finally plop him on the couch with a tired sigh of relief. He left him there for a moment to grab him another glass of water and some pain meds for his headache, placing both in his hands before sitting himself on the couch beside him. A quick glance at the clock told Jim it was well past two in the morning already, and he rubbed his tired eyes.

“Jim…”

“Yeah, Bones?” he turned towards his friend who seemed a bit better already. He was sitting up straight and his eyes seemed to finally have some life to them again.

“I… thanks,” he blushed a little in embarrassment, “you didn’t have to do that for me.”

“Of course I did,” he gave Len a stern look, “I told you, I will always be here for you, Bones, no matter what that means. Even if that’s dragging your ass home from the bar at two in the morning, I'm here.”

“You shouldn’t have to be, I'm a grown ass man, I should know better.”

“It’s not exactly your fault. If I got the same letter you got I'm sure I would have also ran to the bar to drink it dry, so I don’t blame you for losing yourself for a while,” he said softly, then turned on Len with a bit of anger in his voice, “but that being said, do not ever do that to me again, Leonard McCoy!” Len flinched at the use of his full name coming out of Jim's mouth, he had never called him anything other then Bones, “I wake up and you're gone?! No note, no message of any kind, not answering calls or texts, no one on campus knows where you are. I thought the worst, Bones! I nearly had a heart attack, and I did, just so you know, have several full blown panic attacks because I couldn’t find you. I was so worried that you were hurt or missing, who knows what could have happened. You scared the absolute hell out of me, Bones, don’t do it again!”

Len had the decency to turn away sheepishly, “Sorry, Jim.”

“You should be,” then he sighed and gave Len a tired smile, “but its okay. You're safe and home with me now, so just next time wake me up or leave a note. Just let me know you're okay.”

‘Safe and home with me’. Len let those words roll around in his mind for a while. He was safe with Jim, and home… home had always been with Jim, where ever he was that’s where Len wanted to be. Jim was his home. It took him far too damn long to figure that out, but there was nothing in his life he knew to be truer then that.

“You know, you were right, Jim,” Jim hummed in response, too tired to do much else, “I wasn’t with the right person, and that’s why it all fell apart. But maybe… maybe the right person was always closer then I thought, right in front of me all along.”

Jim turned tired, almost closed eyes on Len in question, “What do you mean?”

Len watched him for a minute, his eyes going between Jim's own and his lips, and in a rushed decision he whispered, “To hell with Jocelyn,” and before Jim could give any sign of protest he did what he had wanted to do for a long time and closed the gap. He finally kissed Jim.

It was nothing more then a firm press of lips on lips. It lasted mere seconds before Len was pulling back, searching Jim's wide eyes for something, anything, some kind of indication as to whether or not he had crossed an unwanted line. But there was nothing, Jim just remained seated beside him on the couch in… shock?

Len reached out a hand to touch Jim's cheek, to apologize for what he had just done and maybe he could blame it on the alcohol, but before he could say anything Jim leapt forwards and took Len's mouth.

This time the kiss wasn’t so one sided, it was more then Len had ever hoped for in his first time kissing Jim. It was intense, breathtaking, and almost hungry in the way Jim pushed against him begging for more contact. Len pushed back, giving Jim what he wanted and kept pushing until Jim was on his back on the couch with Len on top. Jim sucked Len's bottom lip into his mouth and nipped at it as he opened his legs to let Len settle between them.

There was no tongue, but the two continued to move their lips together in perfect sync. Jim's hands held Len's face close to his, and Len's hands snuck down Jim's body to the edge of his shirt, lifting it up to touch and caress the warm skin there. At the feel of Len's hands on him, Jim bucked up into Len, grinding them together sending pleasure screaming through their bodies. Jim gasped into Len's mouth at the feeling and Len moaned in response, laying his head against Jim's. “Oh, Jim,” he moaned again when Jim bucked once more.

They continued their heated rhythm, sucking on each others lips and Jim bucking and grinding up against Len. After one last kiss, breaking off with a smack, Len trailed his lips down to Jim's neck and began sucking there. Jim's eyes rolled back in his head as he wrapped his arms around Len's neck, weaving his fingers in Len's hair in a tight grip. Between Len sucking on the base of his neck and the friction of their now hard cocks rubbing together through their clothes, Jim was sure he wasn’t going to last much longer. One particularly hard thrust from Len had Jim nearly screaming his name as he tightened his hold on him moaning out a long, “Bones!” before Len's body fell completely against his and stopped moving.

Jim was breathless, his chest heaving and his body shaking, but Len had suddenly stopped everything. His hands were still where they remained pushed up his shirt against his chest, his lips were rested against his neck but no longer sucking on that sweet spot, and his body seemed heavier on his then it did a second ago.

Jim tried to push against Len but he was solid on top of him, and he managed to choke out a breathy, “Bones?” before he heard a soft snore come from the man on top of him.

He had fallen asleep. In the heated throws of their moment, when Jim finally thought he was getting everything that he had wanted and that Len was just as eager for it as he was, he fell asleep.

Jim plopped his head back against the arm rest of the couch with a thud, “You're kidding me…” he sighed.

Maybe this wasn’t the right moment after all. He had been right back in the bar. Len clearly wasn’t himself right now, and he almost felt guilty about taking advantage of his drunken state. This could have ended way worse then it did.

He took a few minutes to calm himself down and catch his breath, before mustering his strength and pushing Len up with him. The man was out cold and didn’t even flinch when Jim stood and carried him bridal across the living room and placed him gently in bed.

He ran a quick shower and hopped in so he could take care of his… current problem, and when he was finished and cleaned off, he changed and hopped into bed beside Len as he did every night. He pulled the blankets up over them both and settled in. He wasn’t surprised when Len turned over in his sleep and wrapped an arm and a leg over Jim and pulled him into his chest. He was tucked right against Len with his head against his chest, his favourite spot to be in the whole world, and how they fell asleep most nights now. But tonight was a little different, it was a little more hopeful after what had happened on the couch.

Len was definitely drunk, but maybe Jim could talk to him about it tomorrow, maybe he would remember something, maybe it wasn’t all an alcohol induced decision. Whatever the case, Jim decided he would cross that bridge tomorrow. Make the choice then whether or not he would talk to Len about what happened.

With that thought pushed aside, he took one last look up at Len's sleeping face and leaned up to place a soft kiss against his lips. To Jim's surprise Len's body responded and pulled him even closer and kissed back just the slightest. When he pulled back and Len's eyes remained closed he smiled and whispered a sweet, “Good night, Bones,” and laid his head back on Len's chest and fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun broke through a crack in the curtains on the window by Len's bed and hit him smack in the face. He covered his eyes with a groan, rolling over in the bed to try and hide his face from the light since he already had the world’s worst headache pounding against his skull. But when he rolled over expecting to roll into Jim's familiar warmth, he found nothing but empty space. Confused, he opened his eyes and confirmed that Jim was gone, and a quick look through the open bedroom door confirmed that he wasn’t in the suite at all.

Len rolled onto his back with an arm over his aching eyes and thought back on the night before. He had kissed Jim, and then Jim had kissed him back. It was hands down the most passionate and breathtaking moment of Len's life and he would give anything to be back in that moment.

He continued through the memory, of pushing Jim back, laying against his chest, roaming his hands over his skin, the kissing, the sucking, the grinding, the pleasure. Did… did Jim actually want this as much as he did, or was that some kind of heat of the moment thing? A part of him wanted to know, wanted to know if Jim really felt that way, the way he seemed to feel last night when he was grinding up into him and moaning in his ear. But did he really want to risk losing Jim only to find out that he was wrong? Maybe he should just wait and see if Jim brought it up. Maybe that was the safest option and he decided that’s how he would play it for now.

The thought only made his headache worse, and so he rolled out of bed to grab more pain meds from the kitchen, but he didn’t have to go far. When he swung his legs over the bed to get himself up, he noticed that Jim had left him a glass of water and meds on the nightstand, but there was also a folded piece of paper leaning against the glass with “Bones” scribbled in Jim's messy writing on the front.

He grabbed the meds and took them both in one go, then grabbed the paper and opened it.

“Bones,

I had to go to an early exam, but I’ll be back around eleven. I just wanted to make sure that this information got to you before you woke up and signed those ridiculous papers. After you passed out last night and I managed to get you in bed, I couldn’t sleep much so I made some calls. This is the number of an old friend of mine, we used to be neighbours in Iowa. His name is Rami Ramesky, and he's a big time family lawyer based out of L.A. I told him your situation last night and he said he would be more then willing to help you out.

He had mentioned that since we would be going into space in a few short years, it wouldn’t make much sense to completely refute the custody arrangement, since its not like you can have weekends and certain holidays with Joanna while we are light years away, but he did come up with a plan. He wants to suggest that an open line of communication is always available between you and Joanna, anytime, and upon docking for shore leave you would have full access to unsupervised visits with Joanna including any holidays we are docked for, since Jocelyn would have Joanna for the entire time we are in space.

I know I may have overstepped a bit but… please call him, Bones. I don’t want to see you kept away from your daughter because of your ex-wife’s unreasonable demands, and I know Rami can help you win this. He's a great lawyer, Bones, I looked him up. He's won ninety percent of all of his cases, and I wouldn’t be recommending him to you if I thought he would only disappoint you.

Please call him, Bones.

Love, Jim”

Bones couldn’t help but smile as he read over the note once more. The fact that Jim had gone out of his way to make sure Len had a second chance at his daughter was beyond anything anyone had ever done for Len in his life, and only solidified his love for Jim that much more. And of course Jim hadn’t overstepped, he never could in Len's eyes, and he was glad he had Jim by his side no matter what.

With a new found determination and a slight swelling in his heart, Len crossed the room and went directly for the computer and called the number at the bottom of the page.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“After that night I was too afraid to bring it up.” Jim's voice came choked through the padd, and Len could feel tears welling in his eyes, stinging, “Now that I'm here, I wish I had though. I was never really sure if what happened that night between us was because you were drunk, or if it was something you actually wanted. But you should know, I wanted it, Bones, so bad.”

Len closed his eyes trying to will the tears away as Jim went on, “And I figured that since you never brought it up after that night, you didn’t remember. So I thought it was because you were drunk after all, and that you never really felt that way about me, so I let it go. Figured if I could still have you as a friend it was better then losing you to a misunderstanding. But you should know, that was the best moment of my life. And looking back now I think maybe we did both hold some feelings for each other, and I wish that we hadn’t wasted all this time dancing around our fears. So, Bones, if I don’t make it back just know, from day one it was always you…”

By the time the log ended Len was fighting with all his might to hold back the sobs he could feel stuck in his throat. He took a moment before he spoke, not quite trusting his voice, then with a shaky breath he looked to Jim, “Oh kid, I definitely remember that night with you, and hell if we aren’t both the biggest idiots in the whole damn universe,” he closed his eyes and shook his head, “of course I felt the same way about you, but like you, I was never sure if you felt that way about me. And you're right, looking back now, we were fools not to say anything and I regret not telling you that I remembered every second of that night.”

He ran his thumb across Jim's fingers before continuing, “I wish I would have told you, but I was so afraid I would lose you, just like you were afraid to lose me, Jim-” he had to turn away for a moment to compose himself before turning back, “damn it, Jim, all the time we’ve wasted, we could have been together like we should have been, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”

The wait was killing Len. Going through these logs and hearing Jim's confessions while he was still lying in bed in a coma, where Len could talk but Jim couldn’t hear him. He wanted Jim to wake up so he could tell him everything he should have said years and years ago. Len squeezed his hand and took a shuttering breath, “Everything good in my life has happened because of you, Jim. I stayed in Starfleet because of you, graduated because of you, I am where I am today because of you, and Joanna,” he lifted a hand up to wipe the tear sliding down his cheek, “because of you I was able to keep in contact with my daughter. That lawyer you recommended did exactly what you said he would and I was able to have open communication with her up here, and you sat beside me during every single hearing until we won the case. Without you, Jim, I would have just signed those papers, so you see how bad I need you, kid?”

Len leaned back in his chair, pulling Jim's hand into his lap, “Maybe when we get back, and I take you to Georgia, we’ll pick up Joanna. And the three of us can spend some time together, you can finally meet her. I’ve told her all about you, she always asks about you, but I think its time you two met.” Len nodded to himself, “When we get to Georgia, Jim, when we get home, I… I want us to be a family. You, me, Joanna, the three of us. Now I just need you to wake up so I can tell you all this, so we can actually do that, so please Jim… just wake up.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Soooooo, yeah! That’s that! Let me know what you guys thought of this chapter and if anyone wants to be tagged in the future let me know! Tags: @goingknowherewastaken @medicatemedrmccoy @weresilver-in-space @resistance-is-futile81 @flaminglupine @0dannyphantom0 @bi-e-ne @haveyouseenmymind @jimboy-mccoy @reading-in-moonlight

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lesbianyennefer · 8 years ago

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ok ive finished andromeda and so im gunna collate my final gathered thoughts below:

All in all its been a good game but for the first time in my life in not just a mass effect but a bioware game i dont LOVE it i cant even say i think its very good - ive even been edging on outright disinterest and boredom at various points throughout. bioware games for all their faults have always made me get fully into their stories get completely immersed in the world and in mass effects case in their characters too. but andromeda is the first time ever that i find myself saying if someone asked me how good it was i would say meh. if someone asked me how the latest installment in my favourite thing to exist on this planet was i would say meh. as someone who for whom the original trilogy is genuinely my favourite thing in existence there arent words for how much it upsets me. im not even like ‘i wanna play again!!!’ like i usually am because im usually still so immersed in the world. here are some thoughts and delving deeper into the things that stood out to me:

- the writing: its poor. there have been a few funny moments and lines and most of the main quest dialogue lines are good but compared to what we are used to from mass efefct it PALES. only one moment of real enjoyment stands out to me in the entire game and that was the movie night one - of the only moments in the game I got happy about like the original trilogy. the writing for dialogue not just with npcs but with companions is often clunky, nonsensical, boring and adds nothing to furthering knowledge/relationships. i honestly couldnt tell you a lot about many of them because the conversations didnt pertain to actually getting to know them. it says in the codex that they all consider me close friends but its never been mentioned that they even considered me one nor can i recall when the friendship actually got going or how we reached the ‘close’ part. similarily a lot of criticism from critics was about the base elements being rehashed from the original and its true. so much has just been copy pasted from the ot in a way that actually makes this version less interesting. the big ‘reveals’ in the story are also so badly done that when jaal mentioned the angara were made by the jaardun is it? i didnt have a wow moment like mass effect has given me in the past i was so confused by everything going on i was just like what? nobody seemed to make a big deal out if either considering an entire race just found out they were genetically engineered. the only real ‘wow’ moment i had in the game was finding out ellen ryder was still alive and jien garson was murdered and even then you cant tell anyone and its pretty much forgotten!! ryder knows that jien was murdered by possibly this benefactor who seems to have ulterior motives for all of them and she also knows the reapers invaded and as far as shes aware eradicated the entire milky way. maybe thats something that should be shared with leadership hmm? (as much as i hate tann)

- the plot: touching on the last the plot was, to me, nothing to write home about. ive always enjoyed that mass effect has a linear storyline that you get stuck into and follow through at a good pace. now i know they said andromeda was going to be more exploration based game - which i would normally like! - but not when the exploration has almost nothing to do with the main story and is so fucking much that you could play for 3 days 12 hours a day and not get to the next bit of the main storyline!! when you space it out too much the audience - or i - loses all connection with the sporadic main plot and what we are actually supposed to be doing so much so that by the time you go to play the next segment you dont even really know why youre there or whats going on. similarly the plot never made me go :O which the ot did a lot. an example ive mentioned before is that seeing the citadel always makes me go ahhh!!! the nexus by comparison is pretty boring. despite its flaws i love the storyline surrounding the reapers and it always gets me each time i play. sitting her writing this if you asked me to detail the main plot of andromeda i honestly couldnt. i cant remember what i did or in which order. theres no substance or linearity.

- the exploration: i again cant believe im saying this but swtor a mmo game from 2011 has more interesting open worlds with more MANAGEABLE and relevant side quests than andromeda. they might be beautiful but none of the worlds stood out to me - though i loved elaaden and the downed remenant ship star wars reference. i dont mind doing a few bland side quests but when there in the 50s and they lead you on goose chases across entire planets i begin to get agitated. i cant recall the amount of times i had to go back to planets like kadara for one 5 minute firefight and a couple of lines of dialogue. going through the galaxy map animations, the landing animations, the lift down to the slums then crossing the threshold to actually reach the map to THEN find your destination? yeah im pretty done by then.

- side quests: tying into the above side quests! bioware hinted theyd learned a lesson from dai and taken inspiration from the witcher 3 for their approach to side quests and they appear to have done neither. there are MORE side quests than there were in dai and i actually didnt mind dais but andromedas have become an issue for me - probably because there were so godamn many. they dont have any baring on the story and they are bland and uninteresting mostly fetch quests. i hate bringing the witcher into this because i dont like giving praise to cd projekt red but the truth is bioware could stand to ACTUALLY learn from the witcher 3. the side quests in that are small in number, long in plot and actually connected to the main story. they dont make you feel like youre straying from the plot, their content is deep and very good and they quite often have major consequences. see triss’ quests in novigrad. one thing i will say is they did seem to take a little of the last into andromeda. some choices have consequences ie saving the salarians over the krogan. that was pretty cool but still underdeveloped.

- the relationships: by the end of the story i can say I love all my squadmates despite the fact that i feel like i barely got the chance to know them (the only one il say i dont know at all well enough to love em is gil who has no content aside from the incredibly uncomfortable jill storyline and i wonder why hes the negelected one hmm?). i loved how they moved around and talked to each other but the amount of times i went round to see them and they had nothing to say was a LOT compared to the fact that in me3 everytime you went to see someone they had something (or multiple somethings) to say often without having to enter into a cutscene style animation just to see if they actually want to talk. in terms of romantic relationships ( i romanced peebee) i was disappointed by how little your romanced companion interjects on the story. at least in peebees case there was very little content and she seemed hardly bothered when my ryder got injected then killed herself and then died AGAIN to save them aside from a little snarky “hands off” comment when the archon grabbed her face. she mentioned a little bit back on the ship but compared to me3 and how liara/garrus/ash/kaidan would interject a lot on mission and have hints to their romance sprinkled throughout it felt like another forgotten thing. not one person on the ship mentioned me and peebee aside from a quick thing from sam when i went to see him in my cabin. also jazzed up sex scenes dont mean anything if the rest of the relationship is bland and overlooked. i prefer liara and sheps me3 scene 10x over peebees (my little gay heart still cries).

- the music: WHERE WAS THE MUSIC??!?! one of my favourite things about games FULLSTOP and the cherry on top of mass effect has always been the music. to this day i love the atmosphere that noveria creates and vigil makes me fucking cry. the suicide mission gets me pumped and leaving earth leaves a gaping hole in my chest. (diverting a bit even dai had fantastic music. in hushed whispers, the lost temple and thedas love theme are among my faves.) aside from the heleus galaxy map music and the ambient from that one destroyed planet i cant recall a single piece of music that stood out. i can remember about 3 tunes overall the map, the main menu and the one that plays a lot when you fight kett. there wasnt even any proper ambient music for the worlds!!!!! there arent words for how upset i am that theres no fucking mission themed bangers. im just really sad about this.

i think at the end of the day a big reason for me why i havent loved it is because as ive said before it doesnt feel like mass effect to me. to a pretty great extent i think the reason for this is the decision to move to the Andromeda galaxy. the absence of shep and the crew and the normandy is another huge factor but rather unavoidable in terms of continuing the games, but moving to andromeda has robbed the series of everything that made it mass effect. the mass relays, the citadel, the council, the alliance, earth, thessia, palaven they all made mass effect mass effect. Not to mention the quarians (one of my fave races ever), the drell, the volus, hanar, batarians, vorcha they were all a part of what mass effect IS. even the architectural style of the colonies, the nexus its all different and it doesnt have any connection to the ot and the world it created. andromeda feels like its own game completely unrelated to mass effect and one that when considered on its own has an incredibly shaky foundation and sporadic storytelling. at the end of the day it was fun to pass the time but as a huge mass effect fan i feel it was incredibly disappointing and to be quite honest i dont consider it a part of the mass effect i love.

#i guess this is kinda like a review lmao #but yeah ofc heavy me:a spoilers #becky speaks

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reign-of-the-wolves · 7 years ago

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THEM:

Hi Reading one of your recent comments on Soo It seems to be that you actually don't like her as a character not just the way she was written I think, it's just my assumption consider her as weak and a bit stupid Maybe I'm wrong

ME: It's both how she was written as a character and the character herself. Lol I've watched this series over 6 times now (partly to enjoy it with friends but also to analyze the story and characters for my own writing.) It may be the editing departments fault too with how they edited the final video

THEM: I think that the writing has a couple of flaws as every script has and it's ok but I put all blame on director and editor team.

Also, I think you really underestimate her and putting definition of a strong female lead in a very classic dimension when it comes to judging Soo, idk about others.

She was pretty much silly in the first eps and I didn't like her either. But there so much development that made me grow to like her more and more.

After all, of it wasn't her nothing would have happened. Even Eun's death supposed to happen because she meant to be there to story that we know in modern days could happen.

She's not even a bit weak. Just out yourself a modern day girl into her condition. Time travel, deaths of people that important to you and not most of them aren't natural. Tortures, a year of hard work of a water maid, ruined health, always aching knees and problem with heart. Const fear of hurting and affecting somebody's life, holding back with a person you falling in love with, then watching how his marrying other woman and suffering because of it, then leaving him not because you don't love him but because you have to and there's no other choice.

She's relatable in so many aspects even in Goryeo era. She's not super smart or strong or anything else, that what makes her so human. But she is so compassionate, hardworking.

ME: But it's not just my opinion 4 other of my friends (one of them having never seen Kdramas before) kinda of the same opinion. Her early eps were basically what kinda killed it.

Honestly my biggest thing is that there was no excuse for her behavior in the early episodes. (I didn't mind her too much after Court Lady Oh's death, but everything before that point she just didn't make sense to me... she would've realistically been executed) Even her being from another time can be a valid reason up to a point... before it becomes a writers scapegoat.

To me, if I had to pick a character from that show that was the most relateable and believably written, It would be Court Lady oh.

ME: it's just there's things that are common sense and common knowledge that anyone of any social class (modern or ancient) would know, and she somehow... didn't?? how to speak to royalty, and not get in a fight with them being for starters LOL

ME: the other things I can kinda loosely overlook as pure modern ignorance but there are some things that are just painfully jarring that make 0 sense for anyone in Korea or SE-Asia

ME: the more I watch and try to find reasons to sympathize with her or justify her behavior the more I can't-- especially when my friends are also asking me questions about why she's behaving a certain way. LOL I do try... I genuinelly do try (especially cause I want me friends to love this show as much as me) but I can't. xD I can't even objectively try to defend her character until after Court Lady Oh's death. and by that point when it comes to hr and wang So's relationship I can feel even less empathy for it aside from his character... XD

ME: I love wang So very very much, extremely deeply but their pairing made so little sense to me... that I couldn't even try to explain it to my friends xD Maybe the original book was different, but, this show didn't make work... this could be the fault of the editors and writers of the show

ME: 5 other friends of mine (my miscount I forgot how many I have seen this series with) Today at 10:06 AM

THEM: She was fearless and didn't want to let people humiliate her. Don't forget that she was a part of powerful Wook's household and people tear her as she is a mere child so I doubt that something would have happened to her. The only stupid thing that she did back then was beating Eun. She just couldn't stand his pervertism and decided to teach him a lesson.

I doubt that you know how to speak to medieval royalty as I have no clue how to speak to royalty from medieval Rus. Everything what I know is based on history books and tv series. I'm pretty sure it's far from accurate Also, Ha Jin's history knowledge was awfully poor. She couldn't even figure out that Gwangjong wasn't the second Goryeo king nor she didn't know that he actually didn't killed all his brothers. Her history knowledge was on a level of girl just appearing in history class auditorium without paying much attention.

For example? (What doesn't make sense for people in Kore and Asia)

Girl in original book is absolutely different just as 4th prince, they just took some main plot lines, everything else is different.

Their relationship was built on friendship, complete understanding of each other, they could see real nature of each other. Also, they're both idealistic and fight for truth, they're romantic and cherish freedom. They're really similar and I already told you about it.

ME: you sound mad? O-o are you mad at me or something? cause again this is just my own view point. LOL

THEM: Ahahah, no 😄

ME: okay LOL

ME: good XD

THEM: Sorry if I offend you

ME: nah you didn't I was worried of the reverse

THEM: I'm just giving you my point of view

ME: ^_^ ok

THEM: Because I'm just upset that you would rather erase Hae Soo from the story when she's basically the core of this narration

ME: LOL If I had to have a time traveling character beign the narration I'd persoanlly prefer a different character in her place. or even just have the narration from So's POV entirely or the original Hae Soo. :/ Sorry if I upset you it's just my oppinion and I'm not trying to like force it on ya LOL Today at 12:47 PM

THEM: But was hwarang female lead brilliantly written and was their romance developed? Like just to compare historical dramas that you watched.

It's not just So's story, initially it is a girls story, Koreans decided to share the focus with male lead as well.

It's fine, I get it. And you wouldn't be able to do it anyway 😄

ME: I liked the girl in the very very first episode. But after that first episode. THE VERY INSTANT SHE MET THE MALE LEAD... I ended up disliking her too the romance in Hwarang was just as bad as SHR

THEM: I'm afraid that you end up disliking all female leads in sageuk

ME: after that point TBH I kinda realized maybe it was Korean's media where they're so focused on shoehorning and shoving poorly developed romance down people's throats.... yeahhhh probably

THEM: But SoSoo wasn't poorly developed Can't agree with you It one of the most amazingly developed relationship in kdrama world In fiction I've run into And I love romance but only a good believable romance

ME: if that's the case then I am absolutely mortified to see other shows in Korea if that was considered the best in Kdrama world

THEM: Have you thought that it's a western mindset that makes you think that Soo and other female leads are weak

ME: my friend found the way he acted after she said she understood him absolutely jarring today ROFL

THEM: Ofc there are some one dimensional poorly written characters But I honestly saw many great girls

ME: Honestly I hate how a lot of media writes women in the West too I do think it could be a culture thing for me too, that maybe Korea and Japan idiolize these meek weak kinda "dense and quirky" women that NEED a man to function or at least the trope of it

THEM: Why it's so understandable

ME: in SE-Asian media

THEM: There's a parallel between his conversation with mother and this moment with Soo

ME: I know these countries are very sexist and women don't get a lot of respect over there.

THEM: Actually I feel like less sexist in historical way that Europe In Japan there were women samurais

ME: Oh I know in history it was fine till we came and shoved our noses in it

THEM: And I'm Goryeo women could divorce without damaging their honor

ME: or with confusnism

THEM: And all the property still belonged to them

ME: I'm not completely naive about Japan XD I did do research on the Samurai and the Minamoto family I also know in the Three Kingdoms era women were of equal

THEM: Japanese are more severe

ME: in fact one of them ruled err wait three of the women ruled Silla

THEM: Not completely equal but almost yeah

ME: What I'm saying is the roles of women changed roughly around the Joseon Dynasty and into the era where Christians started butting in well yeah not perfect but closer

ME: then it all turned to shit

THEM: Agree

ME: And yes maybe my Western upbringing has a lot to do with how I see it, but then again, I loved characters like Court lady Oh, Queen Hwangbo, (Hell I would even say- despite her corruption and being written as a bitch/antagonist-) I enjoyed Yeon Hwa's character and felt she was wonderfully developed. (no I do NOT ship Yeon hwa with WAng So) But I loved ALL these characters way more then I liked Soo because I felt they were better written and developed over all. Or WOo Hee for that mater I adored Woo hee and felt she was incredibly brace and strong

THEM: Ok but all these woman were ready to kill I like only Woo Hee from these three

ME: Court Lady Oh wasn't willing to kill. Also Lady Hae herself was another powerful and strong woman in her own right and she wasn't gunna kill anyone

THEM: But you say you liked these three

ME: both these women would've died (and one of them did) to protect the people they loved I forgot the other two xD well I mentioned Court Lady Oh XD but yeah basically any other woman in that show I found more engaging and compelling

THEM: Even Chae ryung? 😄 But Yeon Hwa was snake as well

ME: Soon Deok, Lady Oh, Lady Hae, Yeon Hwa, (hell even Yoo for being a horrible antagnosist and terible mother) Woo Hee.... all of these girls in my mind were better written and developed. yes even Chae Ryung I felt more emotion to all of these other women

THEM: But she was an evil traitor and liar

ME: in different ways yes but I felt SOMETHING I didn't nessicarily mean positive

THEM: Ok then I can say one thing

ME: or liking the character's decisions XD

THEM: You don't like Hae Soo in general Bc it's impossible to the same writers to write all these women and So itself To be poorly wrote Hae Soo in which I disagree ofc

THEM: You just don't like her for her character Like you found interesting everyone in this show except Hae Soo

ME: XD No I don't her character or how she was written...I felt 0 empathy for her on any level as a viewer, and I felt over all she made no sense as a character and was too unrealistic as a believeable character. I felt and could relate to the other characters in different ways. Yeon hwa for all her treachery I could see she was blindly pursuing her goals to protect her family (even though it was wrong). Lady Oh and Lady Hae and Woo Hee all were amazing and brave women yeah basically XD I did

THEM: Yeon Hwa wasn't protecting her family Like never

ME: It's not that I don't BLINDLY dislike her I have stated many times why I don't like or agree with her. ehh true XD she was just poisoned with greed but even she was interesting as a character

THEM: She just wanted power And So was for her just a beast to be tamed When Soo saw in him a kind hearted human and friend

ME: Well yeah XD I never liked YH and So together either

THEM: You didn't feel any empathy bc you didn't like her as a person, you felt no connection bc maybe you share only few traits with her. Most of the time when I watch dramas and movies, I feel no connection with characters. Especially western ones. I can say same things about beloved by many characters but I know that there are people who are like this particular heroine and they feel connection. Why she's not believable? She was betrayed many time, she fell for the wrong person, right person was always by her side and it took sonmuxh time to realize. She was to kind and to idealistic to realize many things earlier. I think it happened to many people. I felt her extremely relatable bc I would act same in many situations. Who am I kidding I would gone crazy after few days. But she had strength to not give up and accept the reality and live. She was acting so carelessly because she was allowed to, she felt love and protection from all the princes. She relaxed as if she was at home, in friendly atmosphere but after Lady Oh's death she realized that she can't and don't have right to live and behave like that anymore. It was a call that she's in medieval kingdom after all. I'm just saying that you don't feel empathy bc you don't like her as a person. And I feel like you belittle her and her strength

THEM: And I'm saying all of that considering how many times I was extremely mad at her and wanted to shout at her

Still I can't hate her or accuse in anything

She was in huge stress. She managed to survive for 10 in a toxic and suffocating atmosphere where she didn't belong.

ME: Yeah. XD Honestly I've stated many points on why I didn't like how she was written or her character as a character/person XD My friend who watched this series with me kinda pointed out to me too that she felt Hae Soo was "literally there to further the drama and development of the princes and she's a badly done character that was done injustice by baaaaaaaad writing." And my friend is in honors classes full scholarship majoring in developmental psychology. She likes a LOT of fiction, TV and admits she loves almost all types of characters and in her own words "has no standards for writing" xD IDK maybe we just see things differently My friend LOVED Wang so and the royal family and the story as a whole

ME: she just didn't like Soo either

ME: Maybe we should avoid the topic of Hae Soo when it comes to this show and stick to Wang So and the other Princes XD XD Cause yeah we'll never see eye to eye on it. might be safer that way ahahah ^_^;; I don't want to offend ya since you love her so much.

THEM: I don't even love her so much I really like her and I relate to her

ME: Ah Ok LOL xD Well either way I just really don't wanna step on toes XD

THEM: I just don't really get how you skip her in this story

THEM: It's unfair To the whole story and So itself Because neither of it happened without her She's a base of this story

THEM: Like if there's poorly written character - Jung Or he's just eternally stupid

ME: I loved So's development as HIM I just wished Hae Soo's character was different then I might support it more.

THEM: But she was a part of his development He wouldn't have became king without her

ME: I just didn't like him and Soo as a couple nor did I like how she was written nor her character itself.

I think he could've developed that same way were she a different person.

ME: Eh it's kinda like friend said, she was a plot device in that respect. xD

THEM: Fe She wasn't a plot device, she was a center of this story

ME: LOL Like I said, it's probably safer we don't bring up Hae Soo xD I could go on and on about Wang So and the rest of the family with positive praise. LOL

THEM: Ok give me an example of what kind of different female lead should have been there

ME: and deep love... but her... ehhhh character type?

THEM: I'm not the one who avoids uncomfortable topics Yes You also think she's unworthy of this love, right? Because she never showed it so openly as he did?

ME: (strictly character personality types, not ethnicity) Woo Hee, Lady Oh, Rose Tyler, Arwen, I could hoenstly go on

THEM: That's actually really funny that you mentioned lady oh Bc it's an older version of Hae Soo

ME: I mean after Lady Oh got wise to the world yes older and wiser much older and wiser matured

THEM: But nobody gets as older and wiser in such young age Without tough experience

THEM: You get wisdom from experience Fans you compare Woo Hee and Hae Soo/Ha Jin when they were raised ina different atmosphere It's same as people were comparing Wook and So

ME: I'm looking at personality types... not characters and backstory the**

THEM: But their character traits came from their experience

ME: I'm talking technical Like the character breakdown in writing

THEM: Oh, I see

THEM: Idk neither Arwen or Rose I can't see this kind of character in this kind of story

ME: not the characters themselves or their history.

Well no one is an elf from another world of fiction the other is a 21st century girl from London. XD But their character traits and personality/flaws are what I'm talking about. Not who they are or where they're from

THEM: Also, about Woo Hee. Her and Baek Ah and SoSoo are mirroring each other Showing that this type of people have light inside of them but life made them tondo some things that were corrupting them from the inside

ME: ehhhhhh they're different people maybe

THEM: They need someone with the light to help them to return to their natural state To soften their thorns That they forced themselves to grow in order to survive

THEM: Both of them didn't to chose to be who they are, the had to do it The other thing that showing is a Soo and Baek Ah talk in ep 19 Soo talks with Baek Ah possibly having her and So in mind Saying that Woo Hee wasn't selfish enough, she's the one who left and she's a bad guy

ME: hahahahahha yeahhh mental illnesss doesn't work that way... honestly that little comment really ticked me off.

THEM: Possibly referring to herself, fully recognizing that she and So weren't selfish and she's the bad guy, she hurts him badly by leaving him But as Woo Hee (here a woman sacrifice parallel) she leaves to protect So and their baby Which comment?

ME: the whole Woo Hee was the bad guy for killing herself kinda thing

ME: the context and situation was just bad for that cosnidering she committed suicide

THEM: She was more talking about herself

THEM: But she committed suicide not bc of mental illness She did that for Baek Ah and her people

ME: LOL Woo hee and soo are nothing alike... especially in that respect.

THEM: They both sacrificed their happiness for their beloved Soo just didn't die

ME: Woo Hee was unhappy from the start

THEM: Bc she was already severely ill and she had to deliver a healthy child

ME: even Baek Ah noticed that

THEM: Ofc she was She was a princess of fallen kingdom And had to become a kisaeng

ME: She probably suffered from depression and that was partially what drove her to suicide.

THEM: I think every single person in this story suffered from depression

ME: Well yeah.... xD in some ways But she was an extreme case

THEM: The other thing that her existence itself gave hope to Baekje people that their kingdom will be restored And So?

ME: So is a whole other can of worms with mental illness probably PTSD just to start

THEM: Let's be honest As a physical illnesses There's no completely mentally healthy person in this world And Soo? You think she wasn't traumatized? She had, in my opinion, the least stable situation

ME: she probably was and should've been...

ME: but the thing is

THEM: Because the huge contracts of upbringing and the reality she was put in The weight of responsibility and fear Fear that consumes

ME: that's even more of a reason why I felt she and So shouldn't have ever gotten together... and that their relationship (on top of the country) was toxic and unhealthy and should have never happened. and probably wouldn't have in reality

THEM: I just really familiar with this feeling when fear just blocks your rationality bc you just don't want to mess up Toxic and unhealthy?

THEM: There weren't any attachment, obsessions Jealousy And other stuff

ME: jealousy lies, possessiveness. For both of them it was an emotionally abusive relationship

THEM: Lies happens in all relationship Jealousy when? Emotional pain was cause not by them but by the circumstances they were put in

ME: she got sulky when he got married to Mu's kid (WHO WAS LIKE 12) she got jealous of YH,

THEM: If they lived in a hut in that village they would have grow old together with a lot of children It wasn't jealousy

THEM: She thought he might be after throne And it's his ambition When she got jealous of Yeon Hwa?

ME: when she mentioned getting married to him... it wasn't outward but she refused to let go and see that she was not good for him as Queen. it was only when Ji Mong finally shut her down and told her how it is that it finally sunk in anyway this is just going in circles it's perspective and opinion. there's not enough content in the show to properly psycho analyze the characters sadly

ME: sadly**

THEM: Omg She wasn't jealous She simply didn't want the love of her lie to get married to other woman

ME: So was jealous of her though... and possessive

THEM: Bc she knew he didn't want it too He loves her

ME: I love him and I could justify it rationally

THEM: And proposed to her

ME: honestly it shouldve ended after Eun's death if not before then.

THEM: Relationship you're talking about is a complete utopia No lies, no jealousy

ME: LOOOL nah

THEM: Lies that told each other was motivated to protect each other for good Lame motive but still

ME: well yeahhhh it's called an honest and healthy one XD I'm not saying their aren't struggles but you don't lie to the person you claim to love.

THEM: In toxic relationship lies is motivated to manipulate your partner into doing what you want

ME: Lame motive and toxic in reality

THEM: Ofc you don't But you're measuring everyone from a modern mindset not considering that there's a whole empire on a stake besides them

THEM: That's the conflict of a whole story You can't have both a throne and love There's only one thing you can hold It not toxic It's problematic Toxic a strong word

ME: I'm very tempted to actually ask a psychologist this very thing someone who is certified to say what is toxic relationship and not given that period just to see if it's promlematic or genuinely a toxic circumstance

THEM: And when you say emotional pain. Well, in toxic relationship, emotional abuses is an intentional thing, right? They never did that, they never did something to each other to hurt and make them feel worse or unworthy, they did say something things to push each other bc they thought it would be better for them and will keep them safe.

THEM: I saw many discussions on tumblr on that matter Even from a psychologist

ME: uhhh unfortuantely tumblr is an echochamber of biasness

THEM: People who said it's toxic mainly aimed it on So

ME: and nah it's not always intentional

THEM: Other people said it's not And toxic relationship Soo nactually had with Wook

ME: you can be abusive and not realize it

THEM: But it's a natural thing We grow like that

THEM: It makes us stronger and wiser Then Baek Ah and Woo Hee is toxic Seon Deok and Wang Eun is toxic Ten and Rose is toxic Everything single relationship on tv and books is a toxic things

ME: Well asking my friend (who's taking psych) whether Soo and So were toxic... she didn't think so but she did think they weren't good for each other

THEM: Toxic is when relationship brings more pain and discomfort that joy and happiness but you can't quit due to development attachment and feelings

When it destroys your heart and soul

Am I right?

But SoSoo weren't destroyed by their love. They were destroyed by life and time, love was the only thing that brighten their days and kept them alive

ME: I wanted her imput because I feel she'd be more relatlly qualified and I DO sometimes misuse words

THEM: Now tell me, please, what are you favourite romances in fictional world that you think are healthy and perfect. So I could wholly understand your pov.

ME: There aren't any "perfect ones" but offhand Arwen and Aragorn... no not perfect but it was real Beren and Luthien, my friend said : A Court of Thorns and Roses Sarah J Mass Rhys/Freyre

also IMHO Keeping someone "safe" through lying takes away their agency and makes it seem like they're not competent to handle the situation Also jack/Ianto were great. 10/Rose Tyler were great they weren't perfect...

I don't read a lot of fiction I mostly watch TV shows and movies

ME: also katara and Anng from that TV series Avatar aang* PiperxLeo from Charmed

ME: Phoebe/Cupe from Charmed as well

ME: Peggy Carterx Steve Rogers

THEM: But Hae Soo actually couldn't handle the situation, like she couldn't stop the bloodshed in Wang family, only So could.

And when she was leaving him, she actually knew that he can hadnlaw the situation and marry her but it lead to clans rebellion, more blood and it will put him in huge danger

It wasn't a modern word, it's not that simple

Come on, like Ten didn't lie to Rose and didn't hurt her? Can't comment others not familiar

Piper and Leo - jealousy, lies, emotional hurting check check check, they even divorced

I'm mentioning things that you said about SoSoo, that's why I'm so repetitive

Phoebe and Cupe were unrealistically ideal and sugary and plane in my opinion

ME: I have read the comics too

THEM: Peggy and Steve they didn't even have a relationship Even a proper date Oh well

THEM: I'm judging by the movies It's just what you're mentioning appearing everywhere, in my opinion, it's just a context That makes it's toxic or not

ME: it's been years since I saw Charmed so I'd have to rewatch it the show again.

THEM: Sometimes this checklists with definitions don't work I was obsessed so I remember some things

#人生花の如く、だな。#mine #text #8th #June #2017 #June 8th 2017

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