#it really is. in the end. all about a teenage vow in a parking lot. in some way or another.

[hum--hallelujah]

maybe this is just coming a place of my first and foremost favorite FOB song is Hum Hallelujah but i really do feel like Infinity on High is a blue album because of that. Hum Hallelujah is the touchstone. it’s the thesis statement. and it’s the backdrop: stages are often backlit in blue. Infinity on High is an album that is incredibly honest about the effect that life onstage, constantly performing for others, for better or worse (‘til tonight do us part’) can have, and it is entirely backlit in flickering parking lot streetlights. do you understand me?

[27-royal-teas]

hi its lyric analysis time and uhh this time im tying Hum Hallelujah to the Best Buy incident because i really do think that pete’s past is integral in his writing and also i just kind of want to address it. It’s some dark shit so read with caution. Trigger warnings for lengthy (but not graphic) discussions of suicide, suicide attempts, and drug overdose.

i address things very jumbled and the verses are out of order so yeahh. In addition i did use lyricgenius a lot but im not just copying off them, i have my own ideas, give me some credit ://

For those of you guys who dont know, pete tried to commit suicide via anxiety med overdose in a best buy parking lot after FUTCT was released in 2005 (thus, ‘best buy incident’) but i just want to touch on how it affected his songs, this one in particular; it shows through the lyrics in this and i really dont see enough people talking about it because this song is a masterpiece (i am well aware Infinity On High released sixteen years ago (WOW) but you all talk about thnks fr th mmrs and arms race enough- this is not a bad thing, i just really like this song)

So hum hallelujah’s chorus goes like this:

“So hum hallelujah, just off the key of reason

I thought i loved you but it was just how you looked in the light

A teenage vow in a parking lot; til tonight do us part

I sing the blues and swallow them too.”

pete is pretty much known for his lyrics (aside from being a bassist and several media scandals) and a lot of his lyrics, if you havent noticed, are really fucking depressing. He thinks that maybe he can swallow the sadness which presumably alludes to the drug overdose (“i sing the blues and swallow them too”). It feels also like hes saying that he swallows his own words, as well- his style of lyrics is deeply confessional and tells a story, just like blues, of which is described to hold a conversational feel. It could also be a throwback to the saying you’re going to eat your words, which basically just means ‘you’re going to regret what you say’. He’s singing his sadness. 

For the rest of the chorus, it’s pretty much just the best buy incident. Hallelujah references what he was listening to when he tried to do it. lyricgenius notes that the key of c major is often referred to as the ‘key of reason’ (the original hallelujah was written in this key). HOWEVER, hum hallelujah was written in the key of D (which is right after C major) which makes it just off the key of reason. ‘A teenage vow in a parking lot’ (lyricgenius doesnt agree with me on this one rip) references the attempt- a vow of death; vows are meant to be binding, but a teenage vow might be broken as teenagers are typically painted to be naive (showing he DIDNT SUCCEED IN THE ATTEMPT). the parking lot is because best buy. You might also contrast this line with marriage and how those vows are supposed to be binding, although thats not always the case. ‘Til tonight do us part’ brings up the marriage vow (again) ‘until death do us part’. hes talking about how since he’s going to do it that day, that will be the day they are parted. 

i also wanted to look into the reasoning of hallelujah beyond the fact that that was what he was listening to, and google steadily reports that it means praise the lord or praise god and appears in several psalms in the Old Testament, typically at the beginning or the end. Its a phrase that, to me, symbolizes relief and new beginnings, and i think its interesting that its paired with this line in this way. 

Straying away from the musical explanation, ‘just off the key of reason’ could also be interpreted as ‘just off the verge of insanity’ (just off reason). 

thanking the lord while losing your mind… nothing patrick does in any of his songs is unintentional. to me the entire chorus itself feels like a musical panic attack.

lyricgenuis also brings up an excellent point with i thought i loved you but it was just how you looked in the light. It’s kind of a regret sentence. it could mean a lover, someone he had glorified until he actually got to know them (gee, i do get that) or it could be his outlook on death and his suicide attempt in general. He thought that dying would be an escape, but in another light, looking back later, he can see it was not the right choice after all.

The second verse goes: 

“The road outside my house

 Is paved with good intentions

hired a construction crew 

cause’ its hell on the engine”

This entire verse is telling us this: pete is trying his very best to live, to get outside his house, to wade through the massive depressive slump and his view on how he just messes everything up, but no matter what he does, nothing works and he hurts everyone else (‘it’s hell on the engine’). Hes saying that his best is never good enough because whenever people try to help him- when he tries to help himself- it only backfires. The prechorus goes like this:

“And you are the dreamer

And we are the dream

i could write it better than you ever felt it”

i feel like everyones dreamed of being famous at some point of time. I know i have. I still want to be famous. Its the dream, i guess, being credited for accomplishments. We all want validation (how sad is that?) but these two lines, you are the dreamer and we are the dream is kind of like saying dreams can come true, because look at me, im living it. 

as for ‘i could write it better than you ever felt it’ lyricgenius does have a pretty decent explanation. it could ALSO, HOWEVER, mean not being able to put a name to things, but even if you feel numb inside, you can write it down. i for one have an entire moleskine filled with potential song lyrics and poetry, and every single line is something ive felt. 

I think that, excluding the chorus, my favorite verse in this song would have to be the one right after the chorus.

“My words are my faith, to hell with our good name

Remix of your guts, your insides x-rayed

and one day we’ll get nostalgic for disaster

We’re a bull, your ears are just a china shop”

lyrical GOLD

I cant even decide which one i want to go through first so lets just start at the top. fall out boy was never known for being good; they were known for being different, weird, emo. ‘my words are my faith’ call to mind the mention of religion, something of which has been a controversial topic pretty much the entire time humans have been alive. he will fight to keep his ‘religion’ alive, even if it sours his name. And pete has spent his whole life writing; hes pretty much dedicated himself to this band, so it wont take much for him to throw away his name to keep it (perhaps this is linked to the best buy incident because he doesnt care anymore). 

Remix of your guts could mean someone changing the meaning of something you’ve poured your heart and soul into. your insides x-rayed is interpreted to mean being overanalyzed so much that the orignal meaning is lost (rip im doing that right now arent i) but honestly when i heard this line the first thing i thought of was that one time pete got his heart x rayed to give to his girlfriend, which was truly peak pete wentz. i dont think its correlated with the song but it would definitely be interesting

One day we’ll get nostalgic for disaster again its that LOOKING BACK. im a fucking sucker for nostalgia. Id get high on it if i could. Im so stuck in the past, but im trying to move on. Nostalgic for disaster,.. he probably misses the van days. those were definitely a disaster, but he can look back and go hey, that was one of the highlights of my life. 

We’re a bull and your ears are just a china shop calls back to the song’s second verse again-- it’s similar to hired a construction crew, 'cause’ it’s hell on the engine. It recalls the phrase a bull in a china shop which comes to mean ‘a clumsy person’. ‘a clumsy person breaking things’. He’s using a generalization (which I actually notice he does a lot, it takes the pressure off something being personal, it’s a tactic of YEP, YOU GUESSED IT, AVOIDANCE) to say that he will ruin everything he does, and that could translate into the listeners eventually, as well. 

The second prechorus of the song also ends with ‘I could write it better than you ever felt it’ but the first line is different. It goes:

“Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills”

This is so clearly influenced by the Best Buy Incident. You can choose to live, to take a chance, or you can take the pills and take the fast way out. This could also mean taking a break from medication (I’m pretty sure pete went off his meds for some time). By going off his medication in order to feel things (sometimes we take chances) it could harm him, but he’d rather do that than take the pills. 

Halfway through this essay i have come to the realization that im writing in a really light tone and it could be taken as im joking about this situation and for the record i am not joking about any of it, i am very serious, pete attempting to commit suicide was terrible and mental health is not something to joke about. i understand the weight of what happened and im not trying to make light of it im just trying to analyze how this event impacted his work- specifically this song in particular- and i just want it known that i dont take suicide lightly and while the mood of this is supposed to be analytical and easy to read, im not trying to be casual about any of it. ok thanks for reading this interlude 

anyway the first verse, the intro, is actually really hard to hear the words in the song because patrick does not enunciate at ALL and even though i know the lyrics i still cant tell what hes saying lol but anyway the first verse goes like this:

“It’s all a game of this or that, now versus then,

Better off against worse for wear

And youre someone who knows someone who knows someone

i once knew

and i just want to be a part of this”

The first line here i believe correlates to the pressure that pete felt as the frontman of fall out boy; their entire goal AS fall out boy was to take something current and differentiate it with a spin. often the fans would complain that the sound had changed (im looking at you, everyone who hated mania, i am glaring, mania is my musical wife) and often their new sound would be compared to the old sound, mostly by fans who didnt like anything after take this to your grave- thus, ‘now versus then’. ‘This or that’ could also relate to this but furthermore i think its the choices and sacrifices pete made as the frontman. Im not going to go into specifics but uhhh yeah.‘Better off against worse for wear’ makes me think of mcr’s set at wwwy fest when they dressed up super old as a stab at nostalgia.,, perhaps here pete is saying that the fans would rather them have their older sound and be less mentally stable rather than doing better off with something new.

‘And youre someone who knows someone who knows someone i once knew’ im not sure this is completely relevent and slash or connected with the previous part of the verse but its definitely connected with the next line : “and i just want to be a part of this”. again connecting it to sickly sweet nostalgia. Maybe its about him himself. He thought he knew himself five years ago maybe but now he doesnt, and he sort of wants that back, when he was freer, and now here he is in a best buy parking lot, overdosing on ativan. 

I think the only thing that i have left on this is the second half of verse two (fuck, this is what i get for doing this song out of order over the span of four days) so um:

“I love you in the same way, there’s a chapel in a hospital, 

One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door”

This might be the second part most linked to the best buy incident because it feels especially morbid, the idea of a chapel in a hospital, waiting for the people who are already dead. ‘One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door’ sort of illustrates someone who is ready to escape at a moment’s notice, someone who is preparing for the worst. it sort of reflects the feeling of waiting for someone to die. Chapel in a hospital definitely plays into the ‘waiting for someone to die’ factor. when you’re holding your breath to make sure your best friend in the world is still alive… fuck. I cant even imagine what that feels like. I’d also be preparing for the worst. 

The bridge to this song is interesting. It’s just the main chorus of the original Hallelujah but still in the key of D, and it has a slightly faster tempo than the original. And, of course, patrick is singing it. It gives the feeling of a climax, a deciding factor. given the fact that its the bridge and the whole point of a bridge is to make the turning point of a song, i guess that kind of makes sense, but it feels even more like you’re holding your breath with anticipation and the cusp of regret. 

anyway this song is just really interesting and there are. so many different ways to take the words of pete wentz. i should make a lyricgenius account. 

[his-name-is-stewart]

4 | Hook, Line, and Sinker

It was hard not to think of Gotham as home. A real shitty home, sure, plenty of bad memories - but they’d grown up here. Teenage years spent exploring the city meant they knew it like the back of their hand, even if it had been six years since they’d last been here. 

God - six years. Life had changed a lot since then, but being back… it was almost as if they’d never left. Almost. 

Coming back to Gotham wasn’t something they’d wanted to do. It was one thing when the memories were all fond and nostalgic, which they were, but it was another entirely when those fond memories had all been tainted by the dark, horrible parts of the city, which was most of it.

They looked across the skyline as they drove over the bridge into the city, and felt a familiar twinge of guilt as they did so. They tried not to think too much about the dilapidated bridge they knew was right down the river from the one they were driving across.

People always joked that you could never get away from Gotham. 

Despite all of their vows to never return to the city, they had been drawn back in by a job offer they couldn’t refuse: Wayne-Powers needed a new Chemical Operations Manager, and they couldn't see any better place to put their new degree to good use. It was the kind of job that they’d always thought they’d end up having, so it just made sense. Why they hadn’t waited for an open position in Metropolis or somewhere else, they weren’t sure. Maybe it was true- maybe you really couldn’t get away from Gotham.

They tapped their fingers against the top of their steering wheel, waiting for the mid-day traffic to begin moving again. The time the traffic was giving them to think was definitely not needed; they sighed and reached to turn on the radio. Of course, they were met with nothing but static, having not changed the station since leaving the countryside. None of the small town stations they usually had their car tuned to worked in the city. With a small frown they glanced up to make sure that traffic wasn’t moving - it wasn’t - and set to adjusting their frequency. Eventually, they settled on a channel that was playing some bad pop music with some discussion of local news interspersed. Not the greatest thing to listen to, but if it kept their mind off of their rather depressing thoughts, they supposed it was alright.

By that point, traffic had begun creeping forward, and they continued moving with it, feeling very lucky that they would be able to merge down to lower and less crowded skyway levels soon. 

Their new apartment was near Central Gotham, an older building. It had been kept pretty up to date with the newest technologies as they were developed: voice-activated elevator systems, key card locks, and even additional levels as demand for apartments grew over the years, but despite the parking garage being fully automated, it was still in its original location beneath the apartment complex. 

It had its advantages, though. Getting to the parking spots meant driving on the old, ground level city streets, and while the maintenance on those roads was never fantastic, there was also hardly ever any traffic, which meant getting home a little bit faster. They hadn’t actually considered this until their first time making their way through the city to their apartment building, but they were grateful for it nonetheless.

They also found themself grateful that the elevators continued down through the levels of the parking garage so they didn’t have to carry their boxes up through the cold cement stairwell. The elevator may have been just as cold, but not carrying boxes up steps made it ten times better regardless.

The apartment was pretty high up, with a nice view of Gotham’s crisscrossing skyways from the small balcony off of the living room. They decided to leave the balcony door open for some “fresh” air while they began to unpack. Their moving company had dropped most of their stuff off a few days ago; they had brought the rest with them in their car. While it was nice not to have to worry about getting all of their stuff up from the parking garage to their apartment, it also meant that everything was a disorganized mess.

The first order of business was getting their computer desk set up. Luckily, their computer had been one of the things they’d elected to bring themself, so they wouldn’t need to hunt for which boxes the various parts were in. 

They were very ready to not have to type out their responses to the dozens of emails they'd been getting on their phone - and there had been dozens. After a rather embarrassing one-person theft of a multitude of dangerous chemicals, Wayne-Powers was in the midst of some rather frantic damage control, which had created an ever growing list of responsibilities for the position they hadn’t even started yet.

Sighing as they scrolled through the page worth of emails they’d received in the past day, they clicked off the monitor and decided that Wayne-Powers could wait for a few hours while they took their sweet time unpacking some more boxes. After all, the company couldn’t force them to respond when they weren’t even officially on payroll yet.

[silentiumlitwicks]

1-5 music asks ඞ

1 Song i like with a Color in the title:

Vanilla Twilight- Owl City

The ULTIMATE YEARNING SONG songs that make you feel the entire scope of human emotion in 3 minutes.

2 song i like with a number in the title: I have 3 actually

21 Guns- Green Day

I don’t fucking Care how edgy it is sometimes I just really fucking feel it man. “Put up your arms, give up the fight” yeah, felt.

The five of us are dying - my chemical romance

This is like a early demo of welcome to the black parade with completely different lyrics but similar music and it’s good on its own.

The Magic 8 - Set it off

“so shake the magic 8 until it breaks breaks breaks. And close you eyes and take a leap of faith faith faith. Don’t be afraid of going your own way way way, shake the magic 8 until it breaks” just…. Yeah man Cody Carson was so right.

3 A song that reminds you of summertime:

Summertime-My Chemical Romance

Ha I’m funny

Forever Stuck in our Youth - Set it Off

“I’m on a permanent vacation, we’re young we’re young we’re dumb and we don’t care. And I don’t owe an explanation we’re young we’re young we’re dumb and we don’t care. FOREVER STUCK IN OUR YOUTH”

Just has that vibe of a song you’d hear at a end of High school year party.

4 A song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget about:

There’s a few and they’re mostly from Emmet

I don’t love you- my chemical romance

“WHEN YOU’RE GONE WOULD YOU EVEN TURN TO SAY I DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I DID YESTERDAY”

enough said

Wolf in Sheeps Clothing - Set It Off

Yeah the edgy song in every anime villain amv. When emmet heard it the first time he was out in the driveway at our old apartment singing his heart out to it and the neighbor called over and said he had a beautiful voice.

“maybe you’ll change? Abandon all your wicked ways and start all over start all over”

Hum Hallelujah- Fall Out Boy

“A teenage vow in a parking lot until tonight do us part i sing the blues and you swallow them too”

“I love you in the same way there’s a chapel in the hospital, one foot in your bedroom and out the door.”

Lyrics in this one are something that’s for damn sure.

5 a song that needs to be played LOUD:

Disloyal Order of Water Buffalos- Fall Out Boy

“IM A LOSE BOLT OF A COMPLETE MACHINE WHAT I MATCH I AM HALF DOOMED AND YOURE SEMI SWEET, SO BOYCOTT LOVE DETOX JUST TO RETOX AND ID PROMISE YOU ANYTHING FOR ANOTHER SHOT AT LIFE AND PERFECT BOYS WITH THIER PERFECT LIVES NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING ABOUT TRAGEDY”

This song is our anthem, I may be the one who made it our top song of 2022 in only two months time but this is just a song for the whole system.

The World we Knew- sayonara wild hearts soundtrack

“I’ll treasure any fragments left behind”

Yeah man …. Yeah. Cannot put into words the emotions this song inflicts on me. Both the game version and the demo version have a Vice grip on my brain and I constantly find myself belting out “they say begin again, they say begin again, I’ll take any fragments I can find.” Man.jpeg minato family guy death pose emoji and I know you get it, dear asker you feel this song in your soul like I do.

This is Gospel - Panic! at the disco

When you’re going the fuck through you will Blast this song and not give a flying fuck. I hate Brendan urine as much as the next guy but this song just fucking HITS.

Ancient History- Set it Off

“I KNOW I KNOW HOW TO DRIVE YOU WILD YOU KNOW YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE ME SMILE BUT IIIIIIIIIIII NEED YOU TO BE MY ANCIENT HISTORY”

Even if you don’t have a clingy ex that you can’t seem to shake this song fucks hard and is AMAZING preformed live.

Backside of the Tv- Persona 4

Just yeah man yeah.

[shark-myths]

truly i was born for this! @citrusandsalt gets me *cracks knuckles, dives in*

sunshine riptide of my lifetime

darling this question is SO CLEVER, because i am so tonedeaf, i didn't even notice! and it's so interesting because sunshine riptide as a song feels to me like what pete's said in recent interviews, somehow by chance surviving to adulthood on a rollercoaster of celebrity and then arriving fully-formed and realizing you don't know how to live or make yourself happy as an adult. we see this theme in the opening of heartbreak from the other side, too. it speaks to being numbed out, medicated for bipolar disorder and cresting on manic highs, and then it posits the glorious poly solution to all their soulmate problems: Take all your possibilities then take away the limits.

as a contrast, the phrase sunshine riptide itself seems to simultaneously refer to the feeling of being manic and the feeling of being in love with patrick.

so do we think that sunshine of my lifetime is meant to be an explicit callback to the feeling and sentiment expressed in that song???? you are my truest feeling yet, you're just like oxygen? there are no atheists in fox holes (you can say you don't believe in true love until you're IN IT)???? tell me yes. i want this so badly. sunshine is the key that busts this whole thing wide open

what would you swallow the pain for

let us not skip what bob dylan has to say about billboards! nor what the kintsugi kid has to say about swallowing. (i'm not cackling you're cackling)

bob dylan is about fame, fanaticism, fandom, the over-visibility and simultaneous invisibility of celebrity, people who don't know you thinking they know everything about you, and pete feeling that way about patrick all at once:

Come down from your holy mountain / I'm down, I'm down / So put your shame on a billboard for a second / Sometimes the only way out is through

whereas kintsugi gives us pete's history of apologizing himself out of patrick's orbit and a fantastic flip of the drug use metaphor into pharmacological pete, the medicine man:

I'm pretty sure, as far as humans go / I am a hard, hard pill to swallow / And I know I'm not your intended dose / We're going low, low, low, low

and hey, while we're hurting ourselves, why not hum hallelujah too? let's just have allllll the swallowing (this time of blue ativan. really. it's not about sex)

A teenage vow in a parking lot / 'Til tonight do us part / I sing the blues and you swallow them too

okay that was mostly an excuse for me to talk about swallowing. I'M NOT SORRY. (icyww its other appearance is during The Mighty Fall and it's immensely loving, so it doesn't fit as well here, but i do think relates to how it's being used in Church: It's getting clear / You're never coming clean / So I'll lock you up inside / And swallow, swallow the key)

so to consider the ACTUAL question. "what would you trade the pain for/I'm not sure vs make the pain billboard big and swallow it for me" - to me, i'm thinking about how here 'the pain' is not being able to be together publicly in the time/place they would have wanted to. it's the tryst, and its end; it's the time wasted on unrequited and internalized angst instead of action; it's time is luck, and i wish ours had overlapped more, or for longer. the pain, in a way, is what they did have together, in lieu of happily ever after. so it becomes precious beyond reckoning. something you'd never trade away. something you'd blow up to the size of a billboard (public perception, celebrity, pete wentz as a product, 1-833-OUTBOYS, ugh) but then swallow, to keep it secret and for yourselves. and also: i'm asking you to just swallow it. just swallow the pain, the uncertainty, the ethics, the internalized homophobia, what other people think--swallow it all, and we can be together. we can have this. we can savor it. we can love the way it hurts us--it's irresistible.

every lover's got a little dagger in their hand

observe as i rise nobly above all the dick jokes i want to make! my main thought here is that we can make a jaded line about betrayal and how the people you love most are the best equipped to hurt you (and/or a pandemic-era read on how everyone is carrying an invisible potential threat inside them and could literally end you!), by zooming in on pete's use of the word 'lover' as really quite telling

the first time FOB ever uses the word lover, as far as i can tell, is in Golden (IOH, 2007). it's not directed at the ubiquitous, unspecified you ((read: patrick)) that most FOB songs are; instead this song is sung to / about the self. it's an extremely peterick, being-queer-is-monstrous song. tongue on the sockets of electric dreams indeed!

And I saw God cry in the reflection of my enemies / And all the lovers with no time for me / And all of the mothers raise their babies / To step away from me.

we see it show up again in Thanks for the Memories on the same record. here it's pete talking about people talking about pete--so not the word lover in his own mouth, but in the mouth of people who are generally positioned to find him to be a slut / a sellout / a spectacle / a sham.

They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers / In hotel rooms collecting page six lovers / Get me out of my mind and get you out of those clothes, I'm a liner away from getting you in the mood

the next appearances of lover are in Bang the Doldrums (FAD, 2008), referring to Mikey Way (best friends, ex-frinds til the end, better off as lovers and not the other way around) and all the way on Save Rock and Roll (2013) as a throwaway self-description once again (I'm a young lover's rage, gonna need a spark to ignite)

this is a long way of saying, using the word lover to me reads as very non-patrick usage. other people are lovers; patrick is a category unto himself. in 20 years of songwriting primarily about romantic relationships, pete never goes for the word lover unless he's describing other people's perceptions of him, a feeling state, or one of his exes who were ultimately found to be unworthy--not a part-time soulmate, not semi-sweet, not the person's he's sneaking into heaven for. not the you he's been [literally] writing to all this time.

tl;dr: you can't trust lovers, they can undo you easier than anyone else, either with a virus or casual human cruelty. but patrick, he's your wilson, he's your desert island guy, he's the one you want to shelter with. he's sunshine. he's made of gold.

thank you, this was so delightful. i love you immensely. let's keep talking about this beautiful record please!!!!! your thoughts are the best thoughts

ok WHERE is my girl @shark-myths I need to know what we're thinking about "you were the sun-shine of my life-time" vs "sun-shine rip-tide" in the same singsongy rhythm

Also while we're here, what are we doing about what would you trade the pain for/I'm not sure vs make the pain billboard big and swallow it for me

BONUS ROUND: there's two obvious rhymes for apocalypse that fit with where every lover could have a dagger and they went with neither what are they doing someone tell me

[americancowgirl19]

Nobody to Somebody

Summary: You started in Riley’s newborn army and now you’re moving up to Volterra, Italy.

Warnings: violence, hints of possessiveness, fluff, 

Reader: Female Reader

Pairings: Felix, Demetri, Jane, Alec Volturi x Female Reader

Word Count: 3,114

A/n: Might make more parts to this, idk. Also, I know that Alec and Jane are supposed to be really young but I imagine them as older teenagers. Also, Alec and Jane are not mates. The guard are not mated together they just share you, the reader, as a mate. So, no incest.

Masterlist

You were a nobody. Honestly, you had nothing to do with the drama of the supernatural world yet you were still pulled into it. You were innocently driving through Seattle to Mount Vermont when you were killed. 

Riley had dragged you out of the motel parking lot and bit you in the neck. The pain is indescribable. You screamed so loud yet nobody came to your aid. When the torment stopped a different pain started. A hunger that could only be satisfied with the blood of humans.

You turned into a completely different person within a span of a couple hours. You were stronger, faster, and deadlier. You were put into a group of others like you. It was a constant battle for survival. Everyone fought for their food. Everyone fought to be higher on the pecking order. Everyone fought you.

You were at the top, just below Riley. You weren’t in charge of anything but you certainly were the strongest. Those with the balls to go up against you found themselves dismembered before they could touch a hair on your head.

You were one of the few that were gifted. You had the ability to control people. You couldn’t control their thoughts. No, you controlled their bodies. You could force anybody to do anything and they couldn’t fight against it. At least you haven’t found someone who could fight against it. 

You could make them rip off their own arms, bite off their own tongue, set themselves on fire and burn to death. You could force two or more of them to fight themselves if you so pleased. Your ability to control made you valuable. Riley did everything in his power to keep you. 

You loved the power you had over everybody. You loved the pampering Riley gave you. You were arrogant but not quite ambitious yet. You were satisfied with the way things were, for the moment. You didn’t think about the future, you didn’t think about expanding your power. You just lived in the moment.

You were also the only one who met Victoria. She had a special plan for you. She whispered promises of grandeur that you couldn’t deny.

No longer were you the family girl that was content with a normal life. No longer were you the girl who was satisfied with being in the background. No longer were you the girl who wouldn’t harm a fly.

No, now you were the girl who killed anybody who got in the way of what you wanted. You were the girl with power and riches. As far as you were concerned, you were on top of the world. You could take anything you wanted and as the months passed, your ambition grew. You were beginning to want more.

However, you felt obligated to help your creators with their Cullen problem. You vowed to help them. Once they were taken care of you would move on to grander things.

When the time to attack the Cullens came, Victoria kept you by her side. You knew she had a vendetta against someone specifically and you were chomping at the bits to tear someone apart.

“They’re not here,” Victoria growls loudly. You growl as well wanting to join the fight but loyally stayed by her side.

“Where could they be?” You ask her. Victoria huffs racing through the woods. You pursed your lips but quickly followed after her. Riley joined up with the two of your as you made your way into the mountains.

Riley steps into view of the Cullen and human first. You observe them from the cover of the trees. The Cullen stood protectively in front of the human. She shared the same scent that had lead the other newborns into the clearing. Had all of this fighting been over this human?

“Riley... Listen to me. Victoria is just using you to distract me. She knows I’ll kill you. In fact, she’ll be glad she didn’t have to deal with you anymore.”

“Don’t listen, Riley,” Victoria pleads standing on a rock to the side of Riley. You slowly make an appearce behind your creator. The Cullen’s eye moves to you as does the humans. “I told you about their mind tricks.” 

“I can read her mind. So, I know what she thinks of you.” He tells Riley.

“He’s lying.” Victoria insists.

“She only created you and this army to avenger her true mate, James.” Your eyes go to Victoria. “That’s the only thing she cares about. Not you.”

“There’s only you. You know that.” Victoria vows him but you can tell that she’s lying. You smirk enjoying the show unraveling before you.

“Think about it. You’re from Forks, you know the area. That’s the only reason she chose you. She doesn’t love you.”

“Riley, don’t let him do this to us. You know I love you.” Victoria promises. You watch Riley curiously. You could sense the doubt in him but then he goes to attack. You flinch and move away when a wolf comes and chomps on Riley. Your eyes scan the area for more wolves not wanting to fall victim to one of them.

“You won’t get a chance like this again!” Your head turns back to the Cullen and Victoria. He continues to taunt her while you turn your focus to the human. You take a few slow steps toward her until her eyes catch yours. Your gaze hardens as you try to control her. Your intrigued when you find her just standing there when she should be choking herself.

You step back into the tree when the human moves with her vampire. You wanted a good fight but you also wanted to observe. Everything made sense now. Victoria wanted revenge for the death of her mate while the vampire tries to protect his. I guess even as a deadly vampire you’re still a romantic. You weren’t quite sure who you wanted to win.

Riley came back into view, you briefly wonder about the wolf. He and Victoria gain the upper hand until the human cuts herself with a rock. Your eyes instantly go black and all you can think about is the blood. Before you know it you’re running for her but her mate grabs you and throws you into the woods.

By the time you return you gain control of yourself. You had been working hard on control when you found out you were stronger and more dangerous with a clear head instead of being controlled by animal instincts.

“Victoria!! Victoria!” Riley screams, breaking your concentration. You felt bad for Riley and took a few steps toward him before you stopped yourself. 

Riley and Victoria knew you wanted to branch out on your own but that didn’t mean they would let you go without a fight. You knew how valuable you were to them. Nobody gives up their strongest player. 

You didn’t want to be the one to kill him, you still felt the slightest connection to him for turning you. However, while the connection makes you not want to kill him it doesn’t necessarily compel you to save him.

You smirk, stepping back from the scene. You would let the wolf take care of your problem. You hoped that the other vampire would take care of Victoria as well. Then, you’d be free and could do whatever you wanted.

You look away from Riley and back toward Victoria. You were pleased to see her losing the fight. Only when you stopped hearing Riley’s screams and saw Victoria’s head on the ground did you turn to leave the scene.

“Wait!” The Cullen calls after you. You turn your head ever so slightly.

“I have nothing against you and your family. I won’t cause any trouble.” You promise him.

“I know,” He nods, stepping closer but keeping his body between you and his mate. You smirk slightly knowing he could stop you from getting to her if you truly wanted too. “I can help you.”

“You help me?” You tilt your head. “Oh? How so?”

“You want power, you want to be at the top. Have you heard of the Volturi?” He asks.

“No.” You answer, your eyes narrowing.

“They’re vampire royalty. They’ll be at the clearing to assess the damage. You can leave with them, join their coven.” He tells you. You stare at him.

“And what do you get out of this?” You wonder.

“Time.” He says, turning his head toward his human mate.

“I’ll stick around, doesn’t mean I’ll go with them.” You say before leaving them on the mountain. You find the clearing and unsurprisingly see all the newborns dead.

“Wait! Don’t hurt her!” A woman with short hair shouts when you walk out of the forest. You eye the wolves and the Cullens cautiously. “The Volturi will be here shortly.” You slowly nod. Eventually The two from the mountain join you. You watch as a stray newborn almost kills a wolf before the drama seems to end.

The Cullen clan stand together. You notice Bree standing behind them. She had been in the army. She was one of the lower vampires, a vampire that didn’t do much. You’re slightly surprised that she survived.

You don’t have much time to dwell on Bree when something catches your attention. Four distinct yet mouthwatering scents. Scents that tempt you more than any amount of fresh blood. You can just feel your eyes darkening even more.

Four figures in cloaks enter the clearing. The two in the middle wear midnight black ones while the outside two sport charcoal grey robes. They lower their hoods and their ruby red eyes fall on you at the same time.

Your instinct is to move to stand by them, your body even shifts toward them but you’re hesitant. You don’t know how to act. You don’t know what to do. Logic tells you that your scent appeals to them as theirs does to you but you hesitate nonetheless.

Seeing the conflict in your eyes, the furthest from you, the shorter of the two in the grey cloaks, holds his hand out in your direction. There’s a sly yet inviting smirk on his face. Your body reacts before your mind. You rush in front of him, your hand instinctively falling into his gloved one. He yanks you into his chest, his arm snaking around your waist.

Both of your heads fall into each others neck. You both breathe in each others scent but he’s the only one brave enough to place a gentle kiss on your marble skin.

“Impressive,” A melodic voice reaches your ears. You pull from his neck to look at her. He refuse to release you forcing you to shuffle around in his arms. 

When you’re settled, his grip tightens forcing you impossibly close. With your back pressed against his chest, you watch the exchange between the Cullens the the cloaked vampires you assume to be the Volturi. Any anxiety that may have been present disappears the longer you’re in his arms.

“I’ve never seen a coven escape an assault of this magnitude intact.”

“We were lucky.”

“I doubt that.”

“It appears we missed an entertaining fight.” Your eyes shift from the blond girl to the one beside her. You wanted to be closer to them but you didn’t want to leave his arms. You didn’t understand and the unknown was frustrating you.

“Shh,” He whispers in your ear as he senses your growing distress. “Just a little longer.” He promises bumping his nose against the side of her head.

“It’s not often we’re rendered unnecessary,” She mentions.

“Had you arrived a half an hour ago you would have fulfilled your purpose.” You glared at him as he spoke to her rudely. Before another work could be exchanged you broke his arm without lifting a finger. He tries to hold in his groan but everyone picks up on it. Naturally, everyone looks to the blond on your side of the field but you just stand there with a satisfied smirk.

“You missed one,” The attention turns to Bree.

“We offered her asylum in exchange for her surrender.”

“That wasn’t yours to offer,” She tells him. “Why did you come?” She asks but Bree doesn’t answer. Your eyebrows instantly raise when the newborn falls to the ground screaming. You look to the blond beside you and realize why the all mistook the vampires pain to be her doing instead of you. “Who created you?”

“You don’t need to do that, she’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“I know,”

“I-I don’t know,” Bree whimpers. “Riley wouldn’t tell us. He said that our thoughts weren’t safe.”

“Her name was Victoria, perhaps you knew her.”

“Edward, had the Volturi had knowledge of Viktoria they would have stopped her. Isn’t that right Jane?”

Jane. A name so simple yet so perfect for the beautiful blond. You found yourself desperate to know more about her. To know more about all of them.

“Of course,” Jane assures them.

“Whatever Bree doesn’t know, Y/n will. She was in the thick of it with Victoria and Riley,” Edward tells them. The cloaks look at you but you keep your hard stare on Edward.

“You wouldn’t be suggesting something about our mate, would you?” The man equipping the midnight black cloak questions Edward, his voice edgier than before. As he spoke, the man holding you tightens his grip even more.

Mate. Of course the logical part of you knew but to say it out loud and to accept that it’s real is something else. You wanted to feel relief that they acknowledge that you’re their mate but you can’t help but to feel tense. They’re weren’t reacting to Bree very well and you had done more damage than she ever has. How would they treat you?

“No, of course not.” The leader of the coven promises before sending Edward a look.

“Felix,” Jane says, turning her head slightly toward the tallest. 

“She didn’t know what she was doing!” Jane stops Felix. “We’ll take responsibility for her.”

“Give her a chance”

“The Volturi don’t give second chances,” Jane states causing your body to go tense. The man holding your nuzzles shamelessly into the crook of your neck. You can hear him purring quietly. It helps calm you down but the anxiety in your chest lingers. “Keep that in mind, Caius will be interested to see that she’s still human”

“The date is set.”

“Take care of that Felix. I’d like to take our mate home.” Jane says. Felix glances at her then to you before moving to take care of Bree. You flinch when Bree’s screams abruptly stop.

“It’s alright,” The man holding you whispers. “Come on.” He grabs ahold of your hand and leads you out of the clearing. You follow them, leaving the Cullen’s behind without a second thought. They don’t stop until you reach an airfield where a private jet is waiting for you.

You take a moment to stare at it. You’ve never been on a plane before. You wonder where they’re taking you but you keep your questions to yourself. You figured you could count your lucky stars you didn’t end up like Bree, now isn’t the time to push your luck.

You knew that if you needed too you could destroy all of them but the thought of putting them through any sort of pain is displeasing to you. In fact, you hated the thought of them in pain. You knew you would destroy anybody who harms them. Though, this meant you wouldn’t be able to defend yourself against them should they decide to tear you apart. You’d much rather choose death.

“You’re thinking very hard,” You turn to look at Jane. You hadn’t even realized that the five of you had boarded the plane. “You must have questions for us.”

“Umm... Names would be a nice start,” You say, surprised by how quiet your voice is. The last few months you’ve had to be authoritative and demanding yet now you’re quiet and walking on egg shells.

“Of course,” Jane says giving you a gentle smile, a complete contrast to the girl you had seen in the clearing. She still seems reserved but she’s also more relaxed. “I’m Jane and this is my twin, Alec. That is Demetri and Felix.”

“Y/n,” You introduce yourself.

“You’re still tense,” Demetri notices. He sits beside you and rests his hand on your leg. “What worries you?” You look at him for a moment debating if you should keep your worries to yourself.

“No harm will come to you,” Alec promises. Your eyes turn to him. He notices the subtle relief in your posture. “We would never allow anything to happen to you. You’re safe with us.” Demetri leans over and kisses the side of your head as Felix sits besde you, the twins occupying the seats across from you.

“I thought you didn’t give second chances?” 

“You’re special,” Jane tells you. “You’re our mate. Our masters will be forgiving toward you.”

“Masters?”

“How much do you know?” Demetri questions.

“Up until yesterday I thought we burned in the sun,” You tell him. “I don’t know much of anything and I’m sure whatever I do know is most likely wrong.”

“When were you turned?” Felix asks. “We’ve been watching the army for a few months but we never smelt you.”

“Victoria and Riley liked to keep me separate from the others. I’ve only been a vampire maybe 5 months? I was only allowed with the others if they were getting too rowdy and needed to be knocked down a peg or two,” You tell them with your naturally cocky smirk.

“Oh? And what did you do?” Demetri questions.

“I can control people. I can make you do whatever I want,” You tell him.

“So, you could make someone shut up when they talk too much?” Felix smirks sending a look at Demetri.

“Well, yes but I normally just make them bite off their own tongue,” You state. Their eyes return to you and you suddenly get the feeling you spoke out of turn.

“Beautiful and deadly,” Demetri hums rubbing his head against yours as if to scent you. “Perfect,” He growls.

“Completely perfect.” Jane agrees. Your eyes turn to her. “You’ll fit right in, my love.”

“And where are we going?” You ask her.

“Volterra, Italy.” She tells you. “It’s where the Volturi reside and where you will live with us.”

“Sounds fun,” You smirk, holding her gaze feeling completely unintimidated by her despite knowing what she can do.

Volterra, Italy. Sounds like the perfect place to satisfy your ambitions with your mates by your side. 

[monsterrae1]

If you're up for it could we get 42?

"I'm happy when you're around."

Hi Chloe 🖤 thank you for requesting 🥰✨

*

Eddie was getting familiar with happiness. 

It wasn’t like he hadn’t been happy before in his life, he remembered nights out with his friends as a teenager where they never seemed to stop laughing, he remember the euphoria he felt when Christopher had been born and how much his cheeks hurt from all the laughing and smiling; even in recent years, there had been parties and movie nights with Buck, there had been silly stories shared with the 118, and afternoons spend on his abuela’s house watching reruns of marimar - Yes the telenovela was so overly dramatic it was just funny, especially with Pepa’s commentary. 

But there had also been funerals, and endless nights spent in hospital’s waiting rooms, or even nights spent in hospital rooms, Eddie had gotten too familiar with lost, and pain, and helplessness. Slowly, it seemed like happiness was something out of reach for him. 

Until his best friend had broken down his bedroom door, held him through his breakdown, listened to him while he spilled his every fear at him, and then stayed. Buck had stayed and let Eddie heal, he helped with Christopher the days he could barely leave the bed in the mornings after spending nights fighting off his own head, Buck let him talk when he needed to talk, and sat quietly with him on the days therapy was too harsh and Eddie couldn’t talk anymore. He stayed, and when Eddie was ready to find happiness again, he looked at Buck and thought to himself He makes me happy.  

A few days later he decided Buck deserved to know.

It wasn’t really a date, Eddie had just asked Buck out for dinner, just the two of them, while Chris had a sleepover with Deny and Harry, he hadn’t said it was a date because he wanted to show Buck that he made him happy regardless of their relationship status, so officially it wasn’t a date. Even when it felt just like one.

Eddie had chosen a table at their favorite Korean place, they usually didn’t go often since Christopher wasn’t a huge fan, but Eddie had heard Buck said he was craving dumplings so he made the reservation and then let Buck know he was taking him out for dinner their next night off. Buck had blushed and accepted the invitation and when Eddie picked him up from his place he was smiling shyly, playing around with the hem of his shirt, and Eddie just smiled took his hand and dragged him to the truck.

They didn’t let go until they had to in order to get in the truck, but once they parked at the restaurant’s lot Buck’s excitedly grabbed Eddie’s again and lead him to the restaurant, talking about how much food he was going to order and how Eddie didn’t have a say on it – Eddie just laughed and let Buck choose their meal, after all he was one with the cravings, and Eddie was fine with whatever – but once again, Buck didn’t let go of his hand until he absolutely had to.

“You know” Buck said once they were done with their first course of food “you’ve been a lot happier lately”

Eddie smiled at him “have I?”

Buck hummed “You’re smiling more” he was staring at his drink instead of Eddie “It’s a good look on you”

“I guess I am, happier” Eddie reached for Buck’s hand again, squeezing it and letting Buck tangle their fingers together “I’m happy when you’re around, always”

Buck blushed and looked up to Eddie through his lashes “yeah?”

Eddie hummed, squeezing Buck’s fingers with his own.

Maybe it hadn’t been a date, but at the end of the night, when Eddie dropped Buck home he still leaned into his tip toes to press a gentle kiss to Buck’s lips, and Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie and pulled him into the house, and they kissed for a while longer, and much later, when they were both more asleep than awake Buck kissed him one las time and whispered into the space between them: “I’m happy when you’re around too”

And Eddie couldn’t help but press his smile into Buck’s, vowing right there, to always make Buck happy, and let Buck make him happy in return.

You can find other of my tumblr prompts here

[sincerelyasomebody]

Mama || Leticia "Letty" Cruz

(GIF: @angels-reyes)

A/N: This was created because I've seen some speculation that Letty may not make it to the end of Season 3 (😭🥺). My mind needed something fluffy to combat this and so this piece came about. Apologises for grammatical errors and please let me know if the Spanish translation needs correcting.

Characters/Pairing(s): Letty x Reader (mother-daughter relationship) ▪︎ Coco x Reader (mention) ☆ Mayans MC (brief mention) ▪︎ OCs (receptionist, mother and son duo) 

Summary: Just a mother protecting her daughter. 

Warnings: brief mention of altercation (male and female), description of injuries, fluff, language, nicknames, painkillers (reference to injury) 

Word Count: 1755

- ♤ - ♡ - ◇ - ♧ -

(Y/N) couldn't believe how busy the roads leading to the local high school were. It was a Wednesday, a little after ten and the streets were just packed with cars. She thought it was ridiculous considering people were usually at their jobs and children were in their age appropriate schools. There was no reason for people to be out and about. 

"The light's been green for five seconds!" she yelled and honked her horn, "move!" The driver in front gave her the finger before taking off, "you're so fucking lucky I've got somewhere to be, asshole!" she called out as she drove in the opposite direction. 

When her phone rang during her break, the last person (Y/N) expected to hear from was the receptionist for Santo Padre High School. According to the woman, Leticia (Letty as she was mostly referred to) had been in an altercation with another student and her parents or caregivers were requested to come and meet with the principal. Rachel, the receptionist, mentioned trying to reach her father but going straight to voicemail. With (Y/N) being listed as an emergency contact she was called. 

(Y/N) immediately asked about Letty, but was told that specific details couldn't be discussed over the phone. She found that odd, but accepted it (for the time being) and informed Rachel that she would be there as quickly as she could. After hanging up, she grabbed her belongings and told her manager she had a family emergency to attend to. She was cleared and (Y/N) informed him that she would be taking a week off as well and would keep them updated on her situation. 

From the moment she received the call to the time she pulled up in front of the high school, her thoughts revolved around Letty. Being with Coco for several years allowed (Y/N) to gain some insight to the type of life he had been subjected to. Through a lot of tears, constant reassurance and love (Y/N) was able to break through his tough exterior and get him to believe she was in it for the long haul. When (Y/N) was told by him about his daughter being in a similar environment to what he was in growing up, she demanded him to bring her home.

The second she laid eyes on Letty she saw Coco's features and personality shine through. (Y/N) didn't expect the teenager to respect or trust her right off the bat, but she made sure to let her know that she was here if she needed someone to talk to and gave her space. With every door slam, harsh comment and glare sent her way, (Y/N) continued being herself and showed Letty she wasn't a threat. It was challenging, especially when Coco left on runs, but she pushed through. Eventually the teenager began to accept her father's girlfriend without second guessing her. 

(Y/N) stepped into the main office and found a woman standing beside a teenage boy, who held some paper towels to his nose and had a couple of scratches on his face. She moved closer and realised the pair were towering over Letty who sat in the corner and was looking down at her lap. Clenching her jaw, she strode over to the trio. 

"Get the fuck away from my daughter!" she glared at the duo and turned around to Letty, who was now standing, "mi niña, are you okay?" she kissed her forehead and cupped her cheeks, "Leticia?" 

The teenager nodded, "uh… y-yeah, I'm fine," she went to move (Y/N)'s hands but winced, "completely fine." 

(Y/N)'s eyes widened at the state of Letty's hands. They were most likely bruised and what shocked her even more was that there was no ice-pack beside her seat. The boy clearly had been given assistance, but her baby girl hadn't and that pissed her off.

"Rachel!" she called out and a woman appeared around the corner, "you're the one who called me right?" 

"Yes." 

"And, you said you couldn't go over specific details of what happened over the phone?" 

"That's correct." 

(Y/N) nodded and gestured towards Letty's hands, "well I'm here now and would like an explanation on why my daughter hasn't been treated and that young man has?" When the mother tried to give a reason, she raised a hand in her face, "this doesn't concern you, this conversation is between Rachel and I." 

Rachel gulped and could feel the anger radiating off of (Y/N), "well… uh, he was bleeding and –"

"Were there other staff members present?" she asked and when she was given a nod, she continued, "why couldn't they have provided medical assistance to my daughter?" 

"She… didn't tell us she was hurt, ma'am, she said she was fine so –"

"Bitch do her hands look fine to you?" 

The mother scoffed, "at least we know where your daughter gets her attitude from." 

(Y/N) turned to her, "shut up, nobody asked for your ass to speak," she gestured towards her son, "the reason your son's looking like a fucked up tomato is completely justified I can vouch for that." 

"Are you kidding me?" She shrieked and pointed to his face, "he's most likely got a broken nose and there's scratches on his face!"

"Exactly, be glad my daughter didn't have a screwdriver on her." (Y/N) replied and almost laughed at the disbelief on the woman's face, "your son deserved every scratch, bruise and possible broken bone."

"Excuse me!?" 

(Y/N) ignored her and turned back around to face Rachel, "Letty and I will be leaving now."

"Mrs Fraser hasn't seen –" 

"My main concern right now is my daughter's well-being," she told her, "and you've got my details on file so I'm sure Mrs Fraser can contact me at a later date." 

Rachel spoke again, "please if you'd just –"

"No." 

(Y/N) picked up Letty's bag and walked over to the desk, with Letty trailing behind her. She quickly signed out on the tablet and the pair walked out of the building. Reaching her car, (Y/N) unlocked it and helped Letty into the passenger seat. Closing her door, she rushed to the driver's side and got in. 

She helped Letty buckle up, before buckling herself in, "everything okay, sweets?" 

"Yeah… uh, thanks." was the response she received, before she started up the car and pulled out of the school parking lot while explaining where they were off to next. 

-- ♡ -- ◇ -- 

"He's always talking shit," Letty explained to (Y/N) about the guy in the office, "it was about time someone shut him up." 

"And you were the person to do so?" 

She shrugged her shoulders, "he ran his mouth and then touched me, so I beat his ass." 

"Two for one special?" 

"Pretty much." 

(Y/N) chuckled, "when your hands heal up, we'll ask one of the guys to teach you a few moves in the ring, thankfully your hands are just bruised and not broken." 

"They still hurt like a bitch." 

"You've got another two hours before you can drink some more painkillers." 

"What would've happened if Coco answered the phone?" Letty questioned.

(Y/N) shook her head, "honey, I don't even think I wanna know what would've happened," she noticed the teen wince, "are you okay?" 

"Yes." 

"Are you sure?"

She huffed, "I'm fine, okay? I was fine when you picked me up. I was fine when we went to the doctor's office. I was fine at the grocery store and I was fine the last time you asked me." 

(Y/N) nodded and pulled into their driveway, putting the car in park, "I'm not gonna apologise about asking how you're feeling. I'm just – I just want to make sure you're okay. But, now I'll stop because I can see I'm annoying you." 

"Yeah, you are." 

She chuckled, "okay, I'll stop, but you'll tell –" 

Letty sighed, "yes, I'll tell you. You really take this parenting thing seriously. I mean… you've been referring to me as your daughter all day and I–I'm not. But you defended me –" 

"And I always will." 

" – against Kyle, his mum and even the receptionist. I–I've never had that before. And, even at the doctor's office you made sure I was seen by a female because you knew it'd make me more comfortable." 

"Letty?" 

"You treat me like I'm yours and you called me your daughter and I… I don't know, I just," she took a deep breath, shook her head and looked out of the window.

(Y/N) waited for her to continue, but she didn't. Thinking back on today's events, she realised she had referred to Letty as her own. She had been doing it in her mind for so long and didn't realise she had said it out in the open. Letty had heard her reference and it seemed to make her uncomfortable and that was something she vowed she wouldn't do. 

"When I started dating your dad he told me about the kids he had. He told me that he wasn't involved in their lives because being away from them was for the best. I asked him what would happen if one day a kid reached out and his response was "if they do, they do. I ain't gonna turn them away", (Y/N) spoke up, "and then you reached out, sweetums. You reached out and your dad took that as a sign. From the moment you entered our lives, it's been a whirlwind of emotions. We're not this picture perfect family, but we're our own version. Despite being almost an adult, Coco still views you as his baby girl. And, honestly, I've been viewing you the same way."

Letty sniffed and looked up, "really?" 

"Absolutely, gorgeous. The moment you stepped through that door you became mine as well," (Y/N) pointed at the front door of their home, before turning to her, "but that doesn't matter if you're not okay with it. I'm not trying to force you to be –" 

"I'm Coco's daughter," she cut in and smiled at (Y/N), "and now I'm yours too." 

(Y/N) beamed with joy and unbuckled her seatbelt, and Letty's, reaching over the middle console to bring the teen into her arms. Letty wrapped her arms around (Y/N), breathing in her (scent). The woman chuckled and kissed her cheek, "I love you, baby girl." 

Letty pulled her closer, "I love you too, mama." 

-♤ - ♡ - ◇ - ♧ - 

Spanish Translations: 

Mi niña - my girl / baby girl

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios University

“What are we doing in Murder Park?” Abe asked, skeptically looking around the tiny property. Why would Roman send the kids away just to go to the tiny park by the Rivales factories?

Factory Park had been nicknamed Murder Park because it was the site of Abraham Helios’ murder, and the name had stuck when Roman nearly died there at his mother’s hands. It was an odd choice for an outing without the kids. At least Theo could burn some of his energy on the swings if he had come.

Roman extended his hand, feeling for rain. Sure enough, the sky was getting darker, and tiny drops of rain had started to fall.

“Can we go home now?” Abe demanded. “I can think of about twenty things I’d rather be doing right now that are not freezing in the rain in Murder Park. Again, what are we even doing here?”

Roman cleared his throat awkwardly.

“It was raining when we first kissed,” he said slowly. “Do you remember?”

How could I forget? I was just dragged through several memories by whatever weird coma or dream I had when Lucy broke our contract. Roman doesn’t know that though. I don’t want to worry him and it hasn’t happened again. It definitely won’t happen again, I’m sure of it.

“Like it was yesterday,” Abe replied. “Can we go now?”

“I brought you here for a reason,” Roman confessed, looking oddly nervous. “The rain is just coincidence. I couldn’t think of any place that was important enough, and at home just seemed silly. I know a lot of our history happened at Wanda’s, but that seemed wrong somehow too. I ended up choosing here because it was where our life together really began.”

“Roman?”

“I mean we were sort of together when Theo happened, but not really,” Roman continued, openly fidgeting with his hands. “We were just kind of dating, nothing special. It wasn’t until that night when I ran away from school to see you that things changed. You asked me then to stay with you, and I swore to always be there, standing beside you. I’ve tried since then to honour that vow, even when you pushed me away.”

“I was an idiot to think that I didn’t need you,” Abe replied, reaching for Roman’s hand. “Where’s all this sentimental stuff coming from? It’s not our anniversary, and I hope to god that you’re not pregnant.”

“The night after all of that, we came here to camp out before we tried to run away together,” Roman recited, like he was trying to rush through a script in his mind and was ignoring Abe’s input until he was done. “This is where we started our lives together for real, and even if it didn’t work out like we’d planned, we still knew that after coming here, we’d never have to doubt each other’s feelings again. We’ve been in love since we were teenagers, maybe even earlier if I’m being honest, and until recently, I’ve had the privilege to hold the proof of that in my hands. I have never stopped loving you, and I’m sure I never will. You’re everything to me.”

Roman paused a moment, and when nothing happened, he cleared his throat and raised his voice.

“You’re everything to me,” he repeated, gesturing wildly to the area near the bathrooms.

“It’s raining! Give us a minute. It’s not like you’re paying us.”

To Abe’s astonishment, he recognized the voice shouting at Roman.

When Abe walked down the path, he could see his sister and Kaeileen attempting to start playing instruments while fighting off the rain. Their sheet music was getting damp and unreadable, and Lucy hadn’t played a piano or keyboard since high school. The sounds they were making could only be described as noise, but to Abe it sounded like beautiful music. He was finally catching on to why Roman had brought him here, and the effort Roman had put into not only working with Kaeileen, but convincing Lucy to help him had to be considerable.

Sure enough, when Abe turned around to ask if this was really happening, Roman was down on one knee, producing a box from his jacket pocket.

“Abraham Helios-Chun. It would make me the happiest man in Arkhelios to leave this park with you again, recommitted to building our life together and together-”

“He wants to know if you’ll marry him!” Lucy interrupted, trying to shove her borrowed keyboard in the washrooms to protect it from the rain. “We don’t have all day Roman! Some of us have better things to do than listening to you and Abe talk about feelings while getting rained on.”

The look Roman shot her was eerily reminiscent of the glower Abe had seen Malika give many times when she was angry. That all faded away when he looked back at Abe.

“Will you marry me?”

Miraculously, the clouds parted and the light drizzle that bothered Lucy came to an end.

“Of course I will!” Abe answered, staring at the ring Roman had presented him. It was simple, but the stone was big enough to have cost more money than Abe would have picked out for himself. Thankfully, it appeared to be a new ring. In the many times Abe had pictured this moment, he always assumed that Roman would try to pass on a family heirloom to show his dedication to building a family with Abe. There was absolutely no way Abe was wearing something that Salem or Malika had owned.

Grinning from ear to ear, Roman engulfed his new fiance with a fierce hug.

“You have no idea how happy I am that you said yes,” Roman murmured against Abe’s neck. “Lucy has been assuring me for days that you were going to run away screaming.”

“I said that he’d be smart to run, not that he ever would,” Lucy clarified, hugging her brother to show her support of his answer. “I also said that it was stupid to propose where you almost died, but you still did it anyway. Congratulations.”

All of the worry Abe had been holding on to evaporated. Roman had been sneaking around planning this proposal, and nothing else. This had to be all that Roman was hiding. Abe was still at a loss for why Roman would be challenging his right to make a deal, but that was just speculation from Lucy. He wasn’t going to let anything ruin this moment.

Abe pulled his fiance closer to him, intent on showing Roman just how he felt about him. Their lips were just about to touch when Roman pulled away and looked at Lucy expectantly.

“Oh, we can’t forget the picture,” he said. Roman looked sheepishly at Abe. “I sort of promised the press in Twikkii Island the exclusive pictures of the proposal. If they scoop this story from our stalker, any other pictures will sell for less. We have a photo shoot at the castle too with Ulyssa later on. If the royal family endorses us, who’s going to keep bringing up Adrian when he was their relative? The pictures that get printed are the official ones we control and sell to the press in other countries.”

“So you proposed to make Ulyssa’s in-laws happy?” Abe asked, looking confused.

Lucy nodded, while Roman adamantly shook his head.

“Of course not,” he reassured Abe. “I may have sped up the timeline a little, but this day was always going to happen. We just have to sell some photos and our own spin on our story, and we can live in the same house again. Who wants x-rated pictures of people who are married?”

Abe closed his eyes and desperately searched within his heart for the connection to Roman that had been severed. He knew he’d never find it, but he never stopped trying. He stared into Roman’s eyes and looked for the reassurance he needed there instead.

“I believe you,” he decided, grabbing Roman by the hands. “I wanted to propose to you myself for so long, but I didn’t want to push. I didn’t know how long you needed to officially move on and was afraid I’d scare you off or something. If you think this plan will work and this decision is truly what you want, then I’ll take any pictures we need. I would love to wake up every morning and not have to prepare to maybe see my face when I read the news.”

[jonnnysuh]

Never Not - Park Jinyoung

Pairing: idol!Jinyoung x gender neutral reader

Summary: Your bad day is turned around when your childhood best friend, Jinyoung, returns to your hometown and takes you on a tour of your favourite memories together.

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: suggested sexual experience

Word Count: 4.3k

Requested by: Anon

A/N: Hi guysssss. I took a small break from tumblr bc I got super busy with work. I haven’t written something like this in a while, but I actually loved how it turned out. I recommend listening to Never Not by Lauv to get into the mood <33

Effort was hard to make these days. Even the way you walked had an unmistakable slouch. Your exhaustive strides were just a shallow reminder that there used to be a hop in your step. Five more minutes and you were free from the shackles of work. Free to figure out what to make for dinner, and appease the gurgles of your stomach.The seconds on the point of sale system didn't seem to move fast enough as you folded the customer's final item and shoved it into a bag.

When you were a kid, no one told you how exhausting being an adult was, and thus it became something to look forward to. You were so caught up on getting that first kiss, sneaking out to go to parties, seeing people that your parents didn't approve of, that you didn't realize that life didn't slow down from there. It was like you blinked, and you were no longer 16. Instead, you were twenty-something perpetually feeling like life was just an endless pit of "what ifs" and building up the courage to make something of yourself. Another mindless "Have a good day." escaped your lips as you bid a customer bye for the nth time that day. You wondered how many of your years would waste away telling others to have a good day, when you yourself hadn't had one in a while.

You pressed your fingers against your temple to sooth a small growing headache. Working in retail for as long as you had, you knew that the s-curved line of people didn't stop for your discomfort. With a fake smile on your face, you welcomed the next few customers as your eyes wandered around the store looking for the person who was going to take over for the next hour. Fifteen minutes past the hour, your replacement finally came. Externally, you wanted to scream and ask them what took you so long? but you knew that would only make you as good as the worst customer. Graciously, you nodded at them, before walking away to the back room to fetch your things and head out.

...

You stood against the wall at the bus shelter shivering from the cool summer breeze that was disguising just how rapidly autumn was truly coming. Today probably wasn't the best day to forget your coat.  You rubbed your arms for warmth, taking micro footsteps in place.  The pain in your feet made you romanticize the comfort of the sturdy old bus seats as a place of rest. You felt your phone in your pocket vibrate, but you let it ring out. You were determined to get a seat on this bus. A deep sigh escaped you as you surveyed the density of the crowd on the platform- the ride home was definitely going to be longer than usual. When the bus arrived, you queued behind a long line of people. Your phone rang a second time, at this point the crowd was getting larger and you knew you weren't going to get a seat on this bus.

PRIVATE CALLER 

"Hello?" you pressed your phone to your ear. Sometimes your mother used phone booths to reach you, so you expected her voice to be on the other end of the line. "I'm offended I had to call you twice for you to pick up."  The voice was much deeper, and the delivery much more lighthearted than anything that would've came out of your mother.  The absence of a greeting was distinct and direct, but no matter, you knew exactly who this was.

You felt the tenseness of your shoulders drop with just the sound of this voice. "If I had definitely known it was you, I wouldn't have picked up, Mr. Private caller." you jest with the phone  pressed between your ear and the crook of your shoulder.

"You know, I was gonna suggest that I pick you up, but just for that comment, I change my mind."

You poke your tongue at your cheek, coyly. For all the changes that occurred in your life, for some reason you could depend on Jinyoung's quick wit and humour to hit the spot even after all this time.

"That's fine, I just finished work so I was thinking of just going home anyways."  You had no idea he was even back in South Korea. Last you heard, he was on tour somewhere in North America. More than that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you actually talked was. You were curious about what he was up to these days, but you you knew any hint of urgency in your voice would lead to incessant teasing on his part. The line progressed slightly, but you still didn't feel any closer to the entrance of the bus.

  "I'm about to get on a bus home." 

"Well, don't get on." 

"If I don't get on then you're gonna have to repay me for the fare I paid to even get here." You eyed the bus reaching its capacity, and stepped aside. You twisted your fingers in hope that he was being 100% serious, otherwise you were going to have to wait out for the 6:30pm bus.

"I can't believe the cost of your attention is only $2. Do better." the voice quipped. 

"Okay, Jinyoung I guess I'll just get on, then." you threatened, although you had no intention of boarding the departing bus.

"Fine, fine. I'll pay for your fare. Just wait for me."

...

The sky had darkened tenfold since you hung up from Jinyoung's impromptu call. The streetlights glowed gold against the lavender backdrop of the sky. You sat on the bus shelter bench, swinging your feet back and forth as you waited for him. If he took even a minute longer, you vowed to somehow become the president of the Park Jinyoung hate club. Of course, you wouldn't actually, but the idea became more appealing the longer you waited. 

You weren't one to go on spontaneous outings- at least not since your teenage years. Recently, you followed the strict routine of work, home, sleep, and to stray from it seemed pointless. But the fact that he even thought of you when he came back home to South Korea was still not something you could wrap your head around.

In the distance, a glow of headlights appeared, stopping perfectly adjacent to your bus stop. The window rolled down, and there appeared Jinyoung's face in all its glory. To say all the words in your vocabulary disappeared would be an understatement. A part of you doubted he would even follow through. Without missing a beat, he returned a look to you. "You just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get in the car?"

...

Your backpack was sitting atop your lap, bouncing with the movement of the car. Jinyoung hung one hand over the steering wheel. The orange and purple of the sky twisting, and creating a brand new colour that only seemed to grace the skies at this hour. The music was unidentifiable, but the volume was low enough that you didn't even bother trying to figure it out.

"So what'd you do today?" he asked. 

"I worked, I told you that." you replied, matter-of-factly.

"And how was it?"

"I honestly can't tell the difference between this week and last week. Or even last month. Same old, same old. Annoying customers, stale lunch, forgot my jacket at home even though it's 15 fucking degrees outside." 

"Do you still work at that clothing store you started at when we were 20?"

  Your eyes shifted, following the ever-changing scenery of the highway. No idea where he was bringing you, and yet you were brought to comfort by Jinyoung's habits.  You knew he didn't have a drug deal, or a random party planned.  Jinyoung was always the type to be home before midnight. He was a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes, but you weren't completely fooled. You knew he could bend the rules if it seemed to serve him.

  "That exact same one."

 "Anything else?"

  You looked at him, the shock settling in that he was really right next to you-- no longer just a figure on a billboard that you used to know. The changes of his physicality were subtle; his face was more defined, but his cheeks still carried the baby fat that had been there since childhood. The shadow of his facial hair loomed on his smooth skin. The mole on the top of his lip, not necessarily gone, but faded. He looked older, but the aura of his presence remained the same.

"And then I was dumb enough to get into a car with a stranger because he said he'd give me $2."

Jinyoung side eyed you, causing you to erupt in laughter. His glare was also unchanging. "Stranger? Your memory's fading already?" He shook his head disappointedly. "I thought you still had a few good years left."

  "Oh yeahhhhhh. Sorry Jinyoungie. Didn't recognize you with all the fame." you pinched and pulled on his ear- both things a relic of your grade school years. When you were kids, you never let him forget the age gap. Granted, it was only 3 days, but that gave you the freedom to refer to him however you pleased, while he was stuck with the honorifics.

As you let go, the curve of his ear flushed red. "OWW.” he cried, swatting your hand away. “You’re lucky I’m driving otherwise I would pull your hair.”

Being raised with Jinyoung meant that you were inseparable but kind of in the worst way. If Jinyoung got  a good mark on a test, his parents would immediately flaunt it to yours. If you wanted to sneak out, he was on your tail telling you to go back home. And if he knew you liked someone, then that person would know soon enough by the words of Jinyoung. All of that warranted ear pulling, and if you did something in retaliation he would pull your hair.

He was one of the few people in your life, who encapsulated a certain time of your life.  The time in your life when you were young, and the world felt so big and everything was possible.

  The car rocked back and forth as it shifted into the elevated ramp of a parking lot. Your eyes widened as you realized where you were.  He lingered in his seat before popping his seatbelt off and exiting the car. You followed him, swinging the passenger door open.

  "So you randomly called me because you wanted to hang out at the...convenience store?" you gestured to the old, orangey building. The bricks were chipped, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the outside through the big glass window.  You remember the days when you and Jinyoung would sit on the parking blocks and split a bag of chips until you were chased off the property by the owner. He pulled on the store door, pressing his back to it and letting you enter first. 

"Well, I wasn't going to come here until you started yanking my ears. That's when I knew you were hungry."

Without stopping, you weaved through the store until you reached aisle 3- the snack aisle had become a home to you and Jinyoung when you were growing up. In grade school, you were both fearful of what was beyond the boundaries of your home and school so you indulged in after school snacks at the convenience to talk about the latest happenings in your life. As you aged, it became the place of solace after exams, or the meetup location for last minute plans.

  He picked up a package of gummy worms, and shook them in your face. "Do you remember what happened the last time we ate theseeee?" Jinyoung smirked. For a moment, you were taken aback by how much he had grown. In your teens, you and Jinyoung met eye to eye. Now, you felt like you had to look up at him in order to be taken seriously.

  You crossed your arms, "Yeah, we ate them in the parking lot and you made me confess who I had a crush on." 

"Chan, right?" 

You nodded, with a sulk as you reminisced. "That wasn't fair."

 "Why? Do you still have a crush on him?" 

"I haven't thought about him in so long. You really think I'd have a lingering crush on a guy I haven't seen in years?"

Jinyoung shrugged, and shifted his feet. "You had a huge crush on him, though. You even stared at him like this." He rested his palm to his cheek, letting out a deep sigh while trying to maintain an enamoured expression. You snorted, hitting him on the chest. "You'd write his name all over your notebooks AND you bullied me into giving you one of my new ones." he added.

You let out a belly laugh. "And then I wrote his name all over that one too."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "They were premium quality notebooks. My aunt sent me them from the states!"

 "You had a kabillion of them. Besides, you pestered me for-like-ever to know who I liked, but you never even told me who you had a crush on." You grabbed the bag of gummy worms from his hand and placed it in your shopping basket. Your attention shifted, as you realized you should be in search of your favourite chocolates. You knew that you were far too old to be eating junk food for dinner, but there was something familiar about being hyped up on food that you knew would rot your insides. Your eyes landed on the top row of the wall, and before you could grab your favourite chocolates, Jinyoung stripped it from the wall and dropped it into the basket. He piled on a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and then you both ventured to the drink refrigerators.

  Both of you stared deeply at your drink options. On each level of the fridge, stood several different colourful drinks. If you knew Jinyoung, then you knew he would pick a Coke- it was something he swore by in your younger years. You hummed, mentally deciding between an iced tea or a vitamin water.  You weren't sure why it bothered you when Jinyoung picked up a Sprite, but you tried to hide your dismay. With an ice tea in hand, and a basket full of both of your favourite things, you made your way to the cashier.

  At the last moment, Jinyoung placed a bright yellow umbrella on the checkout counter. He looked down at you, surely, “You never know when it’s gonna rain.”

...

The following car ride to your next destination only lasted about 3 minutes before he parked on the side of the road and dragged you down the street, with the plastic bag full of your foods in hand. 

"I should've known you were going to bring me here." you said, strolling down the familiar gravel pathway towards your elementary school. All colour in the sky had disappeared now, finding it hard to see anything but the outline of each other and some features.

  Both of you settled on the grass field, onlooking the tall school building that was the foundation of your formal years. As soon as you opened the bag of chips, you found yourselves deep in conversation, talking about what life had been for him the last few years. You couldn't help but be in awe when he explained the rush he got when he got on stage, and how he got anxiety when he thought he wasn’t doing his best.  The candidacy of his thoughts drew you in and you were surprised that he trusted you with his secrets. 

All these years, you had always wondered what he was up to, if he was living a life far better than the one he left at home.  To everyone else, he was this huge pop star that had travelled the world 3 times over, but to you, he was your best friend who left home at 16. You had seen him through the bad hair phases, the adolescent temper tantrums, the voice cracks, and the questionable fashion choices both your parents had put you in.

  He leaned back on his arms as he gazed at the school. "Are you afraid of change?" You were silent for a moment as you thought. "On a scale of 1-10?" you rocked your head back and forth. "It's a 15."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. You held your legs to your chest, and looked at him. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and looked smugly in the other direction. "Heyyy." you poked him repeatedly. "You can't just ask me that and not tell me why."

He enclosed his hand around your finger, forcing your poking to come to a halt. It felt like he was studying your face. Never in your life had you ever felt like you were under the scope of Jinyoung's gaze. The darkness of the sky acted as a mask, hiding your blushing face.

"It was the last thing I asked you before I left." he admitted. "I asked you that when things were about to change big time for us… I always wondered if you resented me for leaving you behind."

  The last day before Jinyoung left to become a full-time trainee, you two snuck on to this very same field. Both of you ran across the grass, picking up dandelions; believing that if you gathered enough and blew on them, that they would fuel your wishes.

  “You thought I could resent you?” He nodded. “Well, for starters, I hate your guts.” You replied sarcastically, causing him to look at the ground with embarrassment and your face softened at the sight of it.

  “You know what I wished for on all of those dandelions, Jinyoung?”

 “Not to fail the math exam.” Even in a soft moment, he couldn’t help but be sly. “No!” You exclaimed. 

“Well, you should’ve. You got a 48.” He sensed your killer look on him. “So what’d you wish for?”

You played with your fingers. You thought you’d take this secret to the grave. “I wished that you’d be successful in whatever you chose to do.” His eyes enlarged, alarmed at your confession. “but maybe I should’ve wished for the math thing.”

  Jinyoung giggled, inching closer to you so your legs were pressed against each other. 

“What did you wish for?” You asked. He smiled with the side of his mouth, shaking his head. 

“I wished that I’d always find my way back home.” “Oh goddd.” You gagged. “you’re so corny.”

 “What about you, huh? You used your wish on me!” he bellowed, his voice echoing against the school playground. 

“Hey, I might just be the reason why you’re famous.” You fought back.

You flipped your phone over, 7:53, the brightness of it only barely illuminating the dark. You thought about what you would be doing at this moment if you weren’t here, if he hadn’t picked you up.  Mmm probably falling asleep to a tv show. Probably dreading tomorrow. Probably not as happy.

"But what did I say? You know… the first time you asked me that question?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how 16-year-old you answered.

  "You said you were excited to see who we were going to become.” The words of your younger self were so hopeful, yet your current self felt hopeless. Your expression sank, and Jinyoung offered a small smile to revive it. He felt guilty having asked you the question in the first place.

You sat in silence for a bit, dwelling on the excitement for life that you once had. Where was it? And how could you get it back?

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I don’t even know who I am now.”

Jinyoung blinked slowly, watching his childhood best friend crumble. He rested a hand on your shoulder.  "I just look at you, and in so many ways you're the same. I still know what makes you laugh, and the way you say things. I can still pick out your favourite snacks, and know you’re gonna pull my ears when I do something to piss you off.” he yanked on yours softly. "Everything about you feels just how I left you. I feel my youth when I'm with you. But at the same time I’m comforted by how much you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” You shook your head no. “Do you remember how scared you were to even leave the house when we were kids? Now you live on your own. You never took anything seriously back then, but you’re now one of the hardest working people I know…” his voice softened. “And you let yourself be vulnerable with me when it used to take hours to drag it out of you.” You laid on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of yours, snuggling closer. “You fear change, yet you’re changing right before your own eyes. And maybe one day, I’ll come back here, and I won’t even be able to recognize who you’ve become.” You sniffled, the idea of Jinyoung not remembering you broke your heart. You held your chest. “But if that day does come, it’ll be okay. Because I know that the person that you’ve become will have it all figured out.  I’ll always be rooting for every single version of yourself even if it doesn’t include me.” You sobbed quietly, interlocking your fingers with his. He held your hand tightly, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. For once, there was an action not done out of habit or relic. It was an action evoked just for this moment, and it was a change that you didn’t mind.

…

Jinyoung held your hand, leading you down a narrow road a few minutes away. The sound of crickets, barking dogs, and distant vehicles could be heard as you stood in the middle of the road of your childhood neighbourhood.

  You hadn’t been here since you moved in 2016. You looked up at the large modern house that sat on what used to be two lots. Yours and Jinyoung’s childhood homes were purchased by a wealthy business man and demolished to build the business man’s dream home. You stared at the foreign house that sat on the place of your childhood dreams and frustrations.

  Jinyoung placed his hands on your shoulders and stopped you at the exact halfway point between what was once his house and your house. You rubbed your arms as a gust of wind rushed by. Without thinking, Jinyoung slipped off his hoodie and placed it on top of your shoulders.

“I remember racing you down this street.” You piped up, pointing down the end of the road. Jinyoung always won that race. No one was faster than him on this street.

“I remember finding that stray puppy and fighting over who got to keep it.” He responded.

“It should’ve been me.” You bickered. Jinyoung laughed, amused at how you were always one to hold a grudge.

“Do you remember that day when it started raining soooo hard and we had to walk shoulder to shoulder under my umbrella?”

You nodded. “Ya, that was the same day with the gummy worms, you dummy.”

“So do you remember what happened right here?” He pointed at the exact spot you were standing. You racked your head for a memory, but nothing stood out to you clearly. You shook your head no. “We always said bye to one another here...but…?” you trailed off.

He took a step forward, both of you standing directly under the streetlight now. You watched his face light up as he likely played the moment back in his head. “So that day, standing under my umbrella, we were about to go our separate ways. You turned into me.”

He took another step closer, popping open the bright yellow convenience store umbrella and holding it over your heads.

You could see it now. It was drizzling so hard, even your hair wasn’t protected from getting soaked.   You wrapped your hands around the handle, just like how you did back then. Chest to chest, huddled under the umbrella. Jinyoung locked eyes with you, your heart beat faster.

“And you looked at me, and I swear I was going to say everything I wanted to tell you right then and there.” Your mouth opened in shock. “This was the place where I almost told you I loved you.”

You studied the eyes of the boy you watched grow up. He looked scared, but sure. There was no doubt in your mind that Jinyoung meant what he said. He lowered the umbrella, not letting his gaze veer from you.

  Your life was just a build up of what if’s and trying to gain the courage to make something of yourself… but you didn’t want that anymore. With your heart beating out of control, you leaned into him, taking the risk and kissing his lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the heat of the kiss.

A round of thunder boomed above you, and little by little, raindrops began to pour from the sky.

You and Jinyoung separated to look up at the sky. “I did say, you never know when it’s gonna rain.”

You both ran for the car, shoulder to shoulder, under the umbrella. From your heads to your toes, you were soaked in the rain, but neither of you cared. You silently thanked the world for every bad thing that happened to you today that led to this.

…

You blinked your eyes awake, surveying the damp clothes strewn across your living room floor, and the heat of the bare body laying next to you on the couch. You stared at your sleepy childhood best friend, a smile spreading across your lips. This was a change you were ready for. 

[esperwatchesfilms]

The VelociPastor (2018)

This one holds an especially special place in my heart. I’m always proud of classmates and teachers and other folks from my hometown who go on to do amazing things. I knew he was a force to be reckoned with when he played Orin Scrivello, D.D.S. in our high school production of Little Shop of Horrors, and I’m so glad to see his talent and determination produced this fucking gem. Yes, I did just shamelessly brag about having been acquainted with the writer/director/producer/editor in high school. But in all honesty, I’m extremely happy to have known him and to be able to include this absolute MASTERPIECE in my world record attempt.

Father Stewart: So your parents died, Doug. It's what parents do. They die on you.

I love that Doug tells the homeless man he took a vow of poverty and then runs off, no change to give the downtrodden. Then Carol comes by, telling Doug off for being inconsiderate as he runs into her and then she digs some coins out of her purse to hand to the homeless man. I can only speculate, but that definitely feels like some pointed commentary. I love it.

Frankie Mermaid: Now, what’s my name? Carol: Frankie Mermaid. Frankie Mermaid: And why is my name Frankie Mermaid? [Carol mumbles] Frankie Mermaid: Speak up girl, or else I’m gonna give you the fucking boot! Carol: [raises voice] ‘Cause you’re swimmin’ in bitches! Frankie Mermaid: You’re goddamn right!

Frankie Mermaid: Yo, Cherry! If you stuffed dicks in your mouth like you’re doing that sandwich, I’d be a fucking millionaire by now!

Doug Jones: I don't believe you. Dinosaurs never existed, and even if they did, I don't transform into one.

Doug Jones: You're a hooker? Carol: And premed/law, but people aren't surprised as much by that one.

Carol: You think I like turning tricks to pay for college? There’s surprisingly little demand for hooker-doctor-lawyers.

Doug Jones: What is it that you'd like to confess? Frankie Mermaid: Oh, geez, I guess we could cover the last... four days? Stole candy from this baby, then I threw the baby in the river - so it couldn't snitch, obviously - then, ah, well, I pimp bitches; I do drugs, sell drugs, murder people - really, you name it, I've done it, padre.

Carol: I don’t know much about God...

Doug Jones: Father Stewart, what if I told you that I was different? Father Stewart: You're not that different. There are plenty of men like that in the church.

Doug Jones: I might be on a mission from God himself! Father Stewart: That's insane, Doug! God does not want people dead! Doug Jones: Oh, I think God wants a lot of people dead.

Father Stewart: War is war, and war is hell, and hell never changes.

HOW DIDN’T I NOTICE THAT ALTAIR IS PLAYED BY MUSICIAN VOLTAIRE!? I LISTENED TO SO MUCH OF HIS MUSIC AS A TEENAGER!!! WTF!?!?!?! THIS IS CURRENTLY MY NEW FAVORITE THING ABOUT THIS FILM!!! How am I this stupid? How did I not notice this sooner!? I’m a dum-dum. Oh my gods, that makes this movie a thousand times more perfect.

Oh my god... another sort of subtle joke that I’m not sure whether or not it was intentional (It fucking has to be... it just has to) -- there is a ninja called Choi-Min who doesn’t say a word except in a voiceover while he’s ignoring a ninja who’s talking strategy. The ninja talking strategy has Australian accent. When he says “Choi-Min” it sounds like he’s saying “Chime in”, making the name Choi-Min super punny... and I know that’s a small thing, but it made me ridiculously happy that I noticed another thing I hadn’t noticed in this film before.

Doug Jones: Your ancestors are my ancestors!

I love that Carol was dying, but she ends up in a general doctor’s office-looking place rather than a hospital. It cracks me up more than it’s probably meant to.

ESE: 98/100

50 +5 for “Rated X by an all-christian jury” -10 for blowing up Doug’s parents +10 for VFX: Car on fire +10 for the “what parents do” line +5 for the subtle Jurassic Park riff at the end of the opening credits -5 for China looking a lot like the woods behind my house +3 for mannequin head +5 for hooker-doctor-lawyers +5 for Frankie Mermaid’s confession +2 for the high-five +5 for prolonged goofy ninja laughter -5 for Vietnam also looking a lot like the woods behind my house -5 for Ali’s death +7 for Ali continuing to puff on his cigarette after death -5 for poor, sweet Adeline’s demise +5 for Altair -5 for ripping out Father Stewart’s eye +8 for the way the sex scene is edited +5 for kicking ass in their undies -5 for stabbing Father Stewart +5 for prolonged ninja laughter again -5 for neglecting poor Sam -5 for cutting Carol +5 for the ninjas crying for Carol +10 for hilarious AF dino costume +3 for re-use of the mannequin head -5 for smoking in a hospital +5 for the Chevelle

[lassieposting]

💘💘💘💘 + ghasdug

send me 💘 + A SHIP and i’ll tell you—

where they first met and how

So Skug says they stowed away on the same ship, but this is...not exactly true.

He stowed away on that ship, because he was running away from home and he was a snobby little lordling who'd never had to fend for himself a day in his life, so the furthest ahead he'd actually thought to plan was "they won't want to turn around and drop me off once they're underway".

Ghastly was not stowed away at any point during that trip. Ghastly was signed on for the journey as a deckhand, because Ghastly's mother told him he needed to, and it had to be that particular ship. Ghastly gets seasick, and did not want to go to sea in the slightest. But Ghastly's mother has visions and so Ghastly does as he is told. Apparently there was something important waiting for him on that ship.

Anyway Skug pops out once he thinks they're far enough away from shore that they'll leave him be rather than take him back to port, and he is incredibly mistaken. The captain is in favour of turning him around right there and then, because he's clearly some rich lord's brat, and whoever his father is will probably pay handsomely for his safe return. Ghastly manages to talk the ship's crew into letting him stay on, provided he pulls his weight like the rest of them.

Needless to say, even before they're attacked by pirates, that voyage is a rude awakening for poor Skug, and good lord does Ghastly hear all about it. He has blisters. His feet hurt. This shirt was expensive and now it's all sweaty. His hair is in his eyes all the time. He's tired. The guy in the next bunk snores. Some of these people look like they have lice. He didn't realise he'd be doing manual labour, this is servant stuff, how dare they.

Ghastly does. Not realise at that point what he has let himself in for.

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

Poor Ghastly gets to pine for years. Baby Skug isn't a great boyfriend. He's less invested - he loves Ghastly, but they have two totally different outlooks.

Ghastly is ugly. He's always been ugly. He's got a face he believes only his mother could love. He's never believed he'd find someone who saw past that or loved him regardless. So as soon as he gets Skug into bed, he's over the moon and ready to commit. He's like 17, and would absolutely settle down there and then given half a chance.

Skug, on the other hand, was a weird-looking child who only recently grew into an attractive adolescent and he is loving it. For the first time in his life, girls are noticing him. He doesn't want to settle down, he wants to play the field and sow some wild oats and have fun. So there are periods of exclusivity with Ghastly, interspersed with periods where Skug basically drops him to chase after the latest pretty bit of skirt.

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

Ghastly's smitten by the time they make it back to Ireland - Skug is a bit soft and allergic to hard work and a pain in the arse, but he's flashy and charismatic and funny and pays attention to him without gawking at his face (past the initial "good god, what happened to you?") - but Skug is well and truly settled into living with Ghastly's family by the time he actually gives Ghas the come-on.

where their first date was and what it was like

They went to the local tavern and got drunk, and then rode home in the pouring rain once it kicked them out at closing time.

When they got home, Ghastly's parents had long since gone to bed, but that wasn't necessarily unusual - once Skug, who has a considerable allowance, is old enough to start drinking, Saoirse institutes a rule that if they're not home by the time she and her husband turn in for the night, she'll leave blankets in the barn and they can sleep there instead. She's not having them barging in, wasted, at all hours of the day and night, waking her up after a hard day's work.

So they put the horses away and give them a quick rub down, and Ghastly is trying to look anywhere but Skug because Skug's shirt has gone kind of see-through and poor Ghastly is an awkward, horny teenage boy, but he keeps shooting him these furtive glances over the horse's back and Skug notices because Skug notices everything and lowkey teases him about it. "Want me to sit for a portrait? It'll last longer," sort of teasing, and Ghastly tries to laugh along but he's also vibrant red because he's been caught staring, so obviously Skug realises something's up

And he's precisely as tactful about it as he ever is about anything, and jokes, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you wanted me," and Ghastly's ears burn and he doesn't deny it quick enough and now Skug's eyebrows are inching towards his hairline and Ghastly panics because like, he's ugly, Skug is going to be disgusted or laugh at him and he can't cope with either, so he just? Freezes?

But like. Skug was a weird-looking, unfortunate child who very recently grew into an attractive adolescent, so he fucking thrives on attention. So his response to this awkward not-quite-a-confession is actually a moment of silence while he mulls this new information over (this feels like an eternity to poor Ghastly) followed by an early attempt at using The Hot Voice and, "If you want me, have me."

So, they end up having sex in the hayloft on the blankets Ghastly's mom left out for them. Ghastly has never even been kissed and doesn't admit that he has no idea what he's doing until he realises Skug is expecting him to take the lead. He also blurts that he loves Skug when he nuts, so like. It's your typical painfully embarrassing virginity loss.

It can't be all bad though, because Skug's up for doing it again.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

So in my endgame-ghasdug AU, they get back together post-TDOTL. Ghastly survives being stabbed, but the blade nicked his spinal cord, so he's in a wheelchair for quite a while, and then has to do A Lot of physical therapy to relearn how to walk. Skug shows up at the hospital/facility where he's recovering every day unless there's an emergency, because Ghastly is very depressed and struggling with survivor's guilt over Anton and doesn't see the point in doing his physio because it hurts and he's exhausted and he shouldn't be alive anyway. And Skug annoys him into doing it, mostly by heckling him from the other side of the room, because he's not great at the whole emotional support thing. Ghastly will mutter, "Christ, I want to hit you," and Skug will tell him, "Well, if you come over here to do it I won't even duck." And if Ghastly gets his ass up and uses the walking frame support thing to cross the room, well, then Skug will take a punch like a man and be happy about it because Ghastly walked.

They also talk a lot during this period. Ghastly feels like shit, and he reminisces a lot about the good old days and how he never saw Ravel's betrayal coming and memories he has of Anton, and sometimes that veers into memories they share from when they were young men. And Skug, at this point, is old enough and has been through enough to admit that he wasn't great to Ghastly when they were boys. He was flighty and selfish and high-maintenance, and he would've hated to be treated the way he treated Ghastly. And he tells him that, at one point - that he's sorry, and if he could go back and do it differently, he would, assuming Ghastly was daft enough to be willing to put up with him a second time.

And Ghastly laughs and tells him, "I'd still have you now, you stupid bastard."

who proposes first

Ghastly. They're 19/20. Skug thinks he's joking.

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

Neither - they don't announce it, but it's not exactly a secret either. Ghastly's parents notice pretty much straight away, but other than a few parental pointers on what is and isn't appropriate, it's not really a topic of conversation.

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? )

Skug's sister Confelicity accepts the first proposal she gets at the age of 16, because she's desperate to get out of their parents' house and away from their toxic relationship and controlling behaviour. Their father disapproves and refuses to attend the wedding (and, of course, their mother is not allowed her own opinion), and Carver is out of the country, so Skug stands in to a) pay and b) give away the bride. He takes Ghastly for moral support, because he doesn't like most of his relatives and also doesn't like the groom (Thurid Guild - their relationship doesn't improve when Confelicity divorces him a few years later to marry a baronet). While they're watching the couple say their vows, Ghastly murmurs, "We should get married."

Skug is right in the middle of his hoe phase and does not realise Ghastly's serious.

who’s more dominant

Generally, Skug. He is one hell of a force of personality and Ghastly does get steamrollered quite a bit, although he does eventually learn how to say no. Skug always gets things his way, always does whatever he likes and be damned to the consequences, and Ghastly is always there with a handful of the back of his shirt, pulling his ass out of whatever fire he started.

In bed, though, it's Ghastly.

how into pda they are

As teenagers, Ghastly's mother has to reprimand them occasionally for being too all over each other, but teenagers be rabidly horny. As grown men, they're just sort of casually affectionate. Comfortable with each other. When they're relaxing in camp after a day of travelling, Skug will lean against Ghastly to read a book or put his head on Ghastly's leg while they chat. They can have a silent conversation just by reading each other's faces. They'll nudge each other when something reminds them of an in-joke. They have that easy intimacy that comes with having known each other forever.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

As boys, Ghastly has a particular flowery meadow he likes to take Skug to for picnics, because he's a romantic. Skug at that age is considerably less so, and more interested in whether they can screw there without getting caught.

In the modern day, they go to see old movies. Ghastly was very into the early films of the late 1910s and the 1920s, after the war finished. He associates them with a time where he finally got to just set up his shop and live the life he always wanted to live. Skug hasn't seen most of Ghastly's favourites, because he spent that period of history fighting the truce and then spiralling into a black hole of trauma and misery, but he got very into the noir detective era to the point that he's still clinging to the aesthetic like 80 years later, so they'll alternate who picks the movies and catch each other up on their favourites.

who’s more protective

They've both spent their fair share of time fretting in the chair beside a hospital bed. After Ravel's betrayal, though, it's Skug. Ghastly retires as soon as he's considered fit to make the decision, and decides he wants to go back to Dublin to reopen his shop and just sort of try and forget Roarhaven exists. And Skug is absolutely adamant that he gets to do it. There's a lot of interest in Ghastly for a while - groundbreaking healing magic was used to fix what should've been a permanent injury, people want to know if he suspected Ravel, they want his advice on how to rebuild after Devastation Day. He's more approachable than China, and a lot more popular. But he can't cope with it all, and anyone who tries to hassle him in Dublin will have Skug to deal with.

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

The first night Skug stays at Ghastly's family home. Ghastly is an only child, and his family isn't wealthy - their house doesn't have a guest room. It's sleep with Ghastly or sleep on the floor, and Little Lord Priss isn't going to be sleeping on the floor.

Honestly, he's relieved there isn't a spare room for him. He's never really slept alone before. Like most children of very wealthy families back then, he grew up in a nursery with his four oldest brothers and sisters, and when he was too old to live with The Children, he shared a room, first with Carver and then with Francis. The thought of being on his own in a strange house is pretty intimidating.

He moves to his own bed as soon as they get him one, but he stays in Ghastly's room, and he's perfectly happy with that.

(Ghastly is less happy. He's very much crushing on Skug and he's terrified he'll say something incriminating in his sleep.)

who steals whose clothes and how often

Skug gets to steal Ghastly's clothes for a year or two after he moves in with Ghastly's family. After that, they're built too differently. Ghastly is built like a brick shithouse of muscle. Skug is lean and toned and tall. When they're younger, he can more or less wear Ghastly's clothes as a nightshirt, but after Skug's final growth spurt, Ghastly's clothes don't sit right on him at all, and he's gotten too vain and fashion-conscious by that point to just wear them anyway.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

Ghastly is fussy about his tea. Plenty of milk, two and a half sugars, leave the teabag in.

Skug just inhales it black, which Ghastly thinks is an abomination.

if they ever have any children together

Ghastly thanks his lucky stars every day that they have a 0% chance of accidentally spawning a skuglet. One of him is plenty.

He's very involved with Skugbab when he comes along, though. He's godfather and a very present uncle.

if they have any special pet names for each other

Skug doesn't do nicknames, and would rather not be given them, either. Ghastly gets away with "Skul", primarily because he's the only one who's known Skug since he was all of 16, but also because "Skulduggery" is a mouthful when all your blood is rushing to your downstairs brain and it's his own damn fault that he didn't think of that before he picked it.

if they ever split up and / or get back together

So many times. They're on and off again more frequently than Saracen's clothes. Every time Skug spots someone new, he ends it with Ghastly to pursue them, and then comes back when he loses interest or it doesn't work out.

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

Ghastly's family home is an old farmhouse on the outskirts of Dublin. It's simple, but cosy, and Ghastly's dad is incredibly houseproud, so it's very well-looked-after. Skug prefers it by miles to his own palacial, but cold and unwelcoming, family home, and he tries to replicate the vibe later on with Wifey. It's pretty small compared to what he's used to, so it sort of feels like they're all living on top of each other, and he has to get used to not having any servants and drawing his own water to heat his own bath etc, but he's loved there, and that makes all the difference.

what their names are in each other’s phones

They're both old-ass men about some things, and this is one of them. So no emojis or anything - they're "Ghastly Bespoke" and "Skul". How romantic.

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

Ghastly wakes up first: he's used to rising early to get started on his chores. Skug is absolutely not a morning person at this point in his life and Ghastly frequently has to turf his ass out of bed by pulling his quilt off/dumping water on him/yelling in his ear.

Reversed with modern day ghasdug: Ghastly still wakes at a sensible time, but damn it he left the army a century ago and now he likes a lie in. Skug never really stopped being a soldier and still has most of his military habits, so he's up with the sun.

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

Ghastly is the big spoon. Skug likes to be Held.

who hogs the bathroom

Skug. The boy is vain as all fuck. There is a grand total of one cloudy looking-glass in Ghastly's family's home and Skug spends a good chunk of the morning hogging it to fuss with his hair and peacock at his reflection. Ghastly is under strict orders Never to mention this to Fletcher.

[hockeyismyboyfriend]

My hands through your hair...again

Hey guys!! Sorry if this is super weird haha, but I had originally written and posted my story about Brady, and have just been feeling like i wanted to update it and make it Matty instead. So if you’ve already read this, i’m so sorry!

Pairing: Matthew Tkachuk/Reader

Relationship: F/M

Rating: M for smut/Dirty Talk 

Length:1731   

Summary:

You were childhood best friends with Matthew Tkachuk, and despite how close you had been, you’d never really allowed yourself to feel anything more than friendly for him.

Until now.

```````````````

It’s Saturday night in July, which means you’re with Matthew.

The two of you had met in the 2nd grade and had been inseparable ever since. You’d survived high school, bad relationships, teenage mood swings, and even Matthew being drafted by the Calgary Flames and moving cross country. It didn’t matter how far apart you were, the second Off season hit and he came back home you were attached at the hip once again.

Generally, one or both of you had a significant other or casual fling on the go, but this year for the first time in forever you both found yourself single at the same time. If you were being honest, you were happy to just hang out together and not have to continuously defend your close friendship to anyone.

Not that you’d ever admit it to Matthew, but more than a few of the fights you’d had with your previous boyfriend had been about that very topic. You and Matthew had never hooked up, not even as teenagers, but no one seemed to believe you.

It’s not that you had never thought about it, because you’d be lying to yourself if you’d said you never had. You were aware of the fact that lots of women thought Matthew was attractive, but for you it went so much deeper than just his looks. He was your best friend, the person you wanted to share everything with, happy or sad. Personality and professional athlete body aside, the way Matthew would genuinely smile at you, his entire face lighting up, was more than capable of melting your insides and setting your nerve endings on fire.

There had even been about a month in the 11th grade where you’d had the biggest crush on Matthew. Where your heart would just explode at even the thought of him. You may have lingered a bit longer than normal that month when giving hugs or touching him in passing, but Matthew never called you out. You’d even allowed yourself, just once, to think of him late at night in the dark privacy of your bedroom, fingers rubbing tentatively at your aching core, as you imagined that every touch was him. When your orgasm hit, his name escaped your lips.

But he had shortly after started dating someone else and you had pushed your feelings aside and vowed to be the best friend that he deserved. You’ve kept that promise ever since and never looked back.

Though tonight, like every night that either of you could spare in the off season, you found yourself pressed against Matthew once again as you mindlessly rewatched Parks & Rec for the hundredth time; and suddenly your iron clad will began to waiver.

Which is how, while seated on a big comfortable couch, running your fingers through his soft curly hair, you heard the words leave your mouth without your consent.

You felt Matthew freeze beneath your fingers; his big muscular body flinching almost imperceptibly as your words sat heavy in the air.

“Um...” He choked out, words getting caught in his throat.

He slowly extracted himself from the spot on your lap where he had been resting his head;, and sat up, turning to face you. You could almost swear you detected a hint of pink to his cheeks.

He looked at you expectantly, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, hesitant to speak.

The words replayed in your head as you attempted to form sounds yourself.

‘You should fuck me’

It must have been the reminiscing that caused this, or maybe it had been the seven months that had passed since your last boyfriend. After the breakup you had completely thrown yourself into your work and hadn’t made time for dates or hook ups. You had managed fine on your own, very familiar with your own body and what worked for you; but as you sat here with Matthew, tension thick in the air, and close enough to feel the heat of his body, you realized just how much you missed the touch of someone else.

You hadn’t realized how long you allowed yourself to sit lost in Matthew’s eyes until he reached out towards you and gently touched your shoulder. The feeling of warm fingers against your bare skin lit something deep within your stomach; for the first time in an extremely long time, you allowed yourself to feel. You welcomed the wave of desire that had been shoved down so long ago, your body yearned for it and you refused be ashamed.

You realized that It wasn’t just the touch of someone else you craved, but Matthew’s touch; now that the idea had been set free, it expanded and grew.

“You should fuck me”. You stated as boldly as you could muster, and if your voice shook Matthew didn’t point it out.

Time felt as though it was standing still as he contemplated his next move, your body tingled in anticipation. His normally bright blue eyes seemed to darken at your words, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips as his gaze lowered to your mouth.

“Just...why?” He asked as the fingers pressed against your shoulder flexed, gently squeezing. If his resolve were a brick wall, you could see it start to crumble before your eyes.

You hesitated before speaking, wanting to really portray to him exactly how you felt, how you’ve always felt but never allowed yourself to acknowledge. You realized that what you would say, and how the rest of the night turned out would alter your friendship forever. Despite the unexpected turn the night had already taken, it was still salvageable, but beyond here there would be no turning back. At least not for you.

You took a deep breath and spoke.

“I want you.” His mouth opened to speak but one look at the intensity in your eyes and he closed it back up.

“I’ve always wanted you.” Your hand reached out towards him, yearning to feel, your fingers made contact with the scruffy skin of his cheek. As you ran the pads of your fingers over the tickle of hair threatening to grow along his jaw, his eyes closed.

“I tried not to think this way about you Matty...” Your fingers dropped below his jawline, tracing the lines of his throat, pulse quick and demanding beneath your fingers.

“But if you’ll let me, there’s so much I want to do.” His Adam’s apple bobbed at your words, your fingers traced along the collar of his shirt, aching to remove it and touch every inch of his glorious chest.

“Tell me.” He pleaded, voice low and thick with need. You had never heard him sound that way for you, and your body responded to the plea.

You felt emboldened by his words, and the sight of him in front of you, eyes squeezed shut, skin receptive to every exploring stroke just encouraged you further.

“I want to feel every inch of your skin, trace every muscle, learning where and how you like to be touched.”

Once you gave flight to your words they flowed out of you like second nature, every dirty thought you had ever allowed yourself to feel for him rushed out. You didn’t typically speak this way around him, often more shy and reserved when it came to sex, but all of that melted away with every touch.

“I want to get on my knees for you and take you deep into my mouth.  I want to taste you so bad, and feel you thick and heavy on my tongue as you fuck my mouth, fingers tangled in my hair.“

Matthew’s breathing got shallower with every word you spoke, lust darkened eyes now open watching you intently; it only spurred you on further.

You grabbed his large hand, which made you feel so small, and placed the tip of his middle finger between your lips. Your tongue darted out and tickled the pad as you took it deep into your mouth, giving him a preview of what you would do to his thick cock given the chance.

“And I’d beg you to come down my throat so I could really taste you...would you do that for me Matty?”

Pulling his hand away, he reached out for you, but you stopped him with a strong hand on his muscular chest, heart thumping beneath your palm. You weren’t finished; it made you feel surpisingly powerful making him wait.

“Then,” You continued, smirk on your mischievous lips.

“I want to watch you crawl between my legs, head buried deep in my core, licking me until I come on your tongue with your fingers deep inside of me.”

“Make me drip for you Matty.” You grabbed his hand and press it to the outside of your centre, he bit his lip at the warmth, fingers aching to touch you without your clothes.

You reached your hands to thread through his hair again, and pulled him towards you. A bolt of desire shot through you at the ease in which he follows, he would go anywhere you led him and the thought is irresistible. You closed the gap between you, stopping when your lips just barely brush together, both of your breaths coming out in little puffs of air.

“I want to kiss the taste of my orgasm out of your mouth.” You whispered against his lips, pressing down briefly in a chaste kiss, before pulling back once again. His body tried to follow you, wanting more, but you stop him again. Your ego stroked at the small sound of protest that escapes his gorgeous mouth.

“And I want you to touch me.” His hands gripped your thighs, fingers digging deliciously into your skin.

“Fuck Matty, I’ve dreamt of those hands on my body, hungry for me” His body practically shaking with desire, but he waits for your instruction.

“And I want you to fuck me, and I don’t want you to hold back.” You gaze intently into his eyes for emphasis, hoping that he understands how much you want this, how badly you need him.

If the insistent tent pushing proudly against his sweatpants is any indication, he needs you just as badly.

“I want to be taken, I want you to make me feel it, I want to remember you for days.“

“So tell me Matty...will you do that for me?”

[sign-from-god-complex]

Self-Control

Summary: The sound of footsteps pad across the landing above and though Virgil has come all this way he’s suddenly struck with the feeling that he’s not ready. It’s been 15 years since they’ve seen each other—so much can change in 15 years; so much has changed in 15 years.

Though, maybe things haven’t changed quite as much as Virgil thinks.

(AKA, a past-punk moxiety AU)

Pairing: Moxiety!

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, smoking, homophobia and nondescript injury. Vague allusions to past abuse (or at least mentions of terrible parental figures). Brief discussion of a parental figure having died.

AO3 Link

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It isn’t at all the place Virgil imagined for him. The flower pots all sit in a row on the steps, red ivy climbing up the fence like spider webs and a garden hose curled up on a perfectly manicured front lawn. Everything about it is picturesque—almost to the point of insanity—and as a butterfly floats by and lands delicately on a ladder leaning onto the fence from the backyard, Virgil wonders what in the world could have changed Patton so drastically to have led to this.

There’s an image, in his head, of teenage rebellion—of 2 am milkshakes and stolen bicycles, of broken glass and laughter, so much laughter, as they took advantage of what time they had left to live. It doesn’t fit in with this pastel blue sky in this pastel blue neighbourhood full of pastel blue people but he knew that it wouldn’t. He knew things would be different.

Though, that doesn’t make it all that much easier to comprehend.

Vaguely, Virgil hears the sound of excited squeals coming from the yard and he ducks his head over the fence just a bit, catching sight of a young girl flying off of a trampoline at a hundred miles an hour—hair a mess and grin bright.

The kid must be Patton’s—it’s unmistakable, that dark skin and reckless look, like she’s ready to take the world on at any moment—and Virgil can’t help but remember the nights the two of them spent drinking and talking and vowing to never tie themselves down to anyone or anything. 

He supposes no one really does know what they want when they’re young.

It takes Virgil a while to gather up the courage to knock—he’s all too aware of his leather jacket and patches, his dyed hair and piercings. He couldn’t feel more out of place in this suburban neighbourhood and he hadn’t thought that around Patton he could ever feel out of place.

In the end, though, the choice is taken out of his hands. The young girl throws open the door, clearly looking to haul ass across the street to the park—the kind of place he and Pat would have smoked, once upon a time—but is stopped short as she notices Virgil standing in her way. There’s a moment where he’s afraid she’s going to scream or cry or something else he would have no clue how to deal with but instead, she just grins cheekily.

“Dad!” she yells, barely turning her head to face the soft white interior of the house, “There’s a man here for you!”

The sound of footsteps pad across the landing above and for a moment Virgil is so afraid that he’s gotten the wrong house or that Patton won’t want to see him and though he’s come all this way he’s struck with the feeling that he’s not ready. It’s been 15 years since they’ve seen each other; so much can change in 15 years.

“Riley, what do you mean? What ma-”

And then, there he is.

His face is void of any of the makeup he used to wear, his hair faded from turquoise to its natural black and left curly in a way he wouldn’t have been caught dead with once. And, over the top of a graphic t-shirt displaying some characters Virgil doesn’t recognise and unripped light-wash jeans, Patton had thrown a familiar blue flannel.

Virgil remembers that flannel, worn under heavy coats to help fight the evening windchill, tied around Patton’s waist as they scaled fences just to see if they could and left in a pile on the floor in his room as they finally escaped back to comfort and warmth. Honestly, he’s just surprised it still fits.

Patton does nothing but stare at him for a moment, his lips parted in shock and his eyes big and wide and god, looking at him now is like falling in love all over again.

“Virge?” he breathes, a melody of disbelief in his voice. Virgil can’t exactly blame him—it isn’t as if he’s someone Patton was expecting to see.

Virgil rubs over the fabric of his jacket, a nervous tick he’d had even back then. “Hey, uh… surprise?”

And in an instant, has Patton pitched forward right into his arms. Virgil catches him—of course, he catches him, he’ll always catch him—and Patton laughs, displaying some level of joy Virgil hadn’t known he’d needed to hear until now. He can feel Patton breathing against his neck as they hold each other and, distantly, the sound of light footsteps echoes away and up the stairs.

They pull apart, eventually, the separation like trying to peel a sticker off of a concrete wall—the easiest kind of graffiti to enact while still being tricky to remove. The distance Patton puts between them seems almost reluctant and Virgil wishes he had the courage to tell him to stay.

“What are you doing here?” Patton asks. It’s soft, like the white fuzzy carpet of his new home and Virgil realises suddenly he’d been so caught up in him that he’d forgotten that this him wasn’t the same.

Patton had always been soft but not soft like this. He’d been soft in redirected conversation and distractions, in Virgil’s favourite TV show on in the background and stolen chocolate bars in his pocket, guiding hands mimicking steady breathing. This Patton seems soft around the edges—worn down, almost—and Virgil feels those 15 years as more of a lifetime.

He doesn’t answer the question—truthfully because he’s not sure how, not sure where to start with the mess of events and near-misses and regrets that finally brought him here to Patton’s doorstep—and instead replies with one of his own. 

“My mom died. Did you know that?” It’s a stupid thing to ask, they hadn’t spoken to each other in 15 years, there was no way he could have known. Virgil asks it all the same though. “I have her money now. Didn’t write me out of the will even after everything we went through. Guess she didn’t want how much she hated me and my “lifestyle” to come out even after she’d kicked it.”

Patton just looks at him. There’s something sad in his eyes, maybe, something regretful or sympathetic, something holding years worth of apologies and love confessions in not so many words that every night they'd pretended they hadn’t said.

Maybe not, he isn’t sure. He’s never been very good with stuff like that. 

“You owe me a party,” Virgil continues impulsively. Patton grins and shakes his head and the urge to kiss him is so strong for a moment Virgil can’t breathe. “You promised me when she was dead and I didn’t have to worry about her anymore we’d have a party. With cheerio sausages and expensive liquor and-”

“Sparkling juice and bad karaoke,” Patton interrupts, “I remember.”

Nobody speaks. Patton doesn’t invite him in and Virgil doesn’t ask for fear of being turned away. 

He knows there’s an element of worship in the way he looks at Patton. It’s worship like the way farmers pray for rain in a drought, worship like how sailors are drawn to the rough turn of the sea and worship like teens relishing in the night when they’re bored and alone and angry, yearning for freedom that only comes in years they feel they don’t have left.

But now, dark eyes gazing at him and breath catching in his throat, Virgil thinks maybe he isn’t the only one who feels it.

“I have a kid now, you know?” Patton asks and Virgil knows instantly that question isn’t about the party but everything that comes after it—all of the hundreds of possibilities that stem from this decision that neither of them can quite voice out loud, “Single parent. I made a lot of bad choices in those 15 years—gave myself away to a few people who didn’t deserve it, maybe—but she’s… helped. I want to be better for her.”

Virgil nods. It’s a little hard to reconcile teenage Patton with this one but he tries anyway. He has to; he owes him that much.

(In truth, he owes him so, so much more than that but right now this is all he feels he can give.)

“Yeah, uh, Riley, right? Seems like a sweet kid, if not a bit mischievous.” Virgil smirks slightly, somewhere between teasing and nostalgic. “Kind of like you were.” 

At that, Patton grins and he laughs and it feels right—feels like early morning rainfall and crackling log fires, like the burning in your lungs as you run and the way your eyes slowly drift shut against your will when you’re up too late, like every ending and beginning in just a moment. 

He shakes his head again, almost affectionately chastising and there’s a stuttering of Virgil’s hand as he goes to reach out, to brush a strand of hair away from Patton’s face but stops himself halfway through.

Patton doesn’t seem to notice. Virgil once thought Patton never noticed—never saw the longing in his eyes and the flushed red of his cheeks as they sat side-by-side on a park bench in the middle of winter, running from the heat of harsh words and high expectations.

He wonders if maybe that was naive. 

“Well, I’ve gotta make sure to raise her right,” Patton jokes and his smile is amused—fond and familiar like the worn leather of Virgil’s jacket between his fingers, “If she’s not questioning authority and getting me called down to the office at least once a term then I’m doing something wrong.”

With that, there’s a flash—just a moment—of principal visits and angry rants, of cutting class to sit with the other in the silence of the school office and knowing, that outside of the two of them, there was no one else to come. And he thinks of Patton—this Patton, not his Patton—taking up the empty space of that office with kind reassurances and defensive words, protecting and protecting and protecting, fighting for Riley the way he had Virgil.

Parenthood suits Patton more than he’d first thought, perhaps.

“Ah, office visits.” Virgil nods sagely and can’t resist the quirk of his lips as Patton giggles. “A hallmark of a punk child. Next thing you know she’ll be dyeing her hair, running off to the park in the middle of the night to meet up with boys.”

It’s obviously a joke but still, Patton quietens, taking on a more contemplative look. It seems as if he’s remembering something and Virgil needs, all at once, to make sure he’s more to Patton than simply that expression on his face in the midst of just another day.

“Yeah,” Patton finally says, “Yeah, she was thinking purple actually.”

Virgil doesn’t reach up and drag a hand through his own purple hair but it’s a near thing. He hums—soft and low. “Good taste.”

A heavy silence rings in his ears—an echo of all the memories they share and all the memories they don’t, a collision of black and pastel blue on a canvas already painted with teenage angst and first love—and Virgil can't stand the way it feels like it may be too much to overcome. It isn't; he won't let it be.

He takes a step closer and Patton doesn’t move away, just lets Virgil crowd him against the doorframe till their chests are pressed together and each shuddering breath is a joint effort.

“I’d like to get to know her. If you’ll let me,” he murmurs and he’s so close that he can hear Patton’s heartbeat pick up as he slides a hand up to brush at the strands of hair against Virgil’s neck.

The air between them is tense and pulled tight—gazes tracing over freckles and foundation, their skin warm with each point of contact and the rushing of blood in Virgil’s ears drowning out the pounding of his heart. Each second that goes by without comment feels to Virgil like sinking into quicksand, like fingers losing their grip on the edge of a building and threatening to let him fall.

But, before he can draw away, throw up his walls and stumble his way through apologies like they’re nothing more than kids again, Patton tugs him forward and, softly, he brings their lips together.

The kiss is a teenage fantasy come true, the culmination of every moment—under streetlights or under blankets or under nothing more than the cover of night itself—where Virgil longed to reach out and tell Patton that he wanted to kiss him until the world faded away and all that he could focus on was the taste of cherry red lipstick and the joy and love pounding in his chest like a second heartbeat.

It's the comfort in late-night knocking, Patton taking Virgil in and patching him up and holding him as he cries because he has a mother that doesn’t love him and a father that’s always absent and a world that doesn’t care, muttered reassurances a quiet backdrop to his sobs.

It's the warmth in drinking their way through meagre retail paychecks, Patton’s soft touches like fire against his skin and the thread of restraint holding Virgil back from blurting out a love confession worn down to something as thin as a spiderweb and just as delicate.

It's the exhilaration in grocery store runs with no money and bags filled with spray paint cans, their gloved hands clasped tight as they race against the biting evening wind, giving in to the urge to let out a cry of victory that bounces off the empty alley walls.

So, yes, it’s the culmination of years of pining but it’s more than that too. It’s an apology, it’s acceptance and it’s an offer of a future, to stay here with them. 

“I think I’d like that,” Patton gasps as he pulls away and Virgil’s so enamoured even after all these years that he barely knows what to say, “For you to know her, I mean. She’d like you. She’s like you, or at least the way you used to be—always a bit loose with self-control.”

Virgil doesn’t tell Patton that all his self-control had been going towards keeping himself from telling him he loved him. He doesn’t think he’d know how.

Slowly, Virgil blinks and he nods and it’s all he can do to keep himself standing as Patton beams up at him with a smile reminiscent of stars colliding—bright and beautiful enough to take his breath away. And suddenly Virgil feels like maybe he can fit in here, that maybe he can fit in anywhere he needs to if Patton keeps looking at him like that.

He smiles back, smaller than the one he’d received but the way Patton’s eyes light up makes Virgil feel like maybe that doesn’t really matter. “Okay, yeah. I want that; I want to stay.”

“Okay,” Patton parrots and he’s barely holding back giggles, Virgil can tell. It’s okay though because he feels it too—that sense of happiness and disbelief that has almost no other way to present itself—and giving in feels more like an inevitability.

So, laughing and hands joined together, Patton pulls Virgil inside to the soft white of his suburban home. And he closes the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @mutechild @super-magical-wizard @shadowsfromthesun @teadays @sandersships @camcam774 @autism-goblin @deadlyhuggles6 @romanthestarstruckqueer @whispers-stuff-in-your-ear @rainboots-are-for-snobs @welpweregonnadie @spirits-in-my-thoughts @hold-my-hat @goodandbadisallmadeupnonsense @stop-it-anxiety @figurative-falsehood @jadedfantasies231 @idosanderssidespromptssometimes @poisonedapples @sanders-screams @another-sandersidesblog @do-not-just-see-observe @mychemicalpanicattheemo @harleyquinnamiright @localtransgrape @fandomsofrandom @gattonero17 @airiervessel @ollyollyoxinfree @tired-and-probably-crying .

[prettywordsyouleft]

After School Hours

Pairing: Joshua Hong x reader (ft. Seokmin, Soonyoung & Jeonghan)

Genre: teacher au / co-workers to lovers / fluff

Warnings: none

Word count: 4501

You tried to convince yourself to look away. You didn’t need to watch on any longer than you already had. You’d witnessed more than enough for your heart to ache and tears threatened to fall from your eyes.

Thankfully, a group of students interrupted your moment. Jackie stepped forward and reached out for your arm excitedly. “Miss L/N! I didn’t expect you to come to the carnival tonight!”

You hadn’t exactly planned to either. However, your housemate Sasha had begged you to join her, even mentioning your neighbour Tom would be coming along. And because you had a crush on the aforementioned, you had put on your favourite dress, done a satisfactory job with your makeup and even wore some heeled wedges.

You had put aside your dislike for crowds to come tonight, all to find Sasha locking lips with Tom in front of the cotton candy booth when you returned from the restroom.

Swallowing back your emotions, you smiled weakly at the teenagers before you. “I should be marking your assignments at home right now much as you all should be studying for your next pop quiz. Especially you, Tori.”

“Teach, it’s Friday, live a little. You look so cute tonight; maybe you’ll find someone to make you forget all about that little test next week. There’s no point working us so hard when the school year has just started!”

You laughed and shook your head. “Not a chance. It’s not your first year in school either so you know how much this year counts the most for college admissions.”

“It was worth trying, right Tanith?”

“How about we go ride the Ferris wheel before Miss L/N finds out how badly I did on that assignment.”

You shook your head at the three girls as they waved animatedly and dashed through the evening crowds, your faint smile fading when you realised the distraction they had gifted you with was over. Turning around again, you sighed when you saw the couple grinning and feeding each other the sugary fluffy treat.

Just how often had you proclaimed to Sasha that you found Tom attractive? You felt like an absolute idiot and willed yourself to find anything, anyone to take your attention away and for them to remain oblivious to your realisation. As you searched the crowds for an escape, you faltered, noticing four men sitting at a picnic bench looking your way.

As if it wasn’t bad enough that you had witnessed what you had, you were now questioning how much they had pieced together.

You closed your eyes, wondering in what universe you had even decided to come out tonight in.

“Y/N!” Sasha called out as you spun away, and you stopped walking off hastily. Looking back at the woman, you smiled weakly whilst exchanging your steps away to back towards her. As you got closer, you glanced in the direction of those watching you and then back at your friend.

Or, you at least thought of her once as a friend. Now you were unsure what to trust in. Tom was gone from her side and before you could mention an excuse of feeling unwell, she clutched at her stomach instead. “Oh, there you are! I was worried where you had gotten to since you don’t like crowds much. Are you alright?”

“Actually-”

“Good, hey I’m not feeling well so Tom has kindly offered to take me home. You’ll be able to get a ride home right? I don’t want your night to end here all because I need to go to bed.”

You stared back at Sasha and tilted your head to the side, biting your bottom lip. She wasn’t sick. One look at her could tell anyone that she was bright-eyed and bushy tailed. Her eyes flitted in the direction to where you saw Tom waiting and you almost laughed out loud. Were you really this pathetic that the pair thought they could fool you like this? You knew exactly what was about to happen. There wouldn’t be just one person in that bed, and going home now sounded like the last thing you wanted to do with your night.

You smiled brightly, surprising Sasha with your lack of opposition. “I’ll be more than capable of finding my way home. Don’t worry, I’m sure Tom will take really good care of you.”

“Are… are you sure?” the woman asked, trying to decipher what was going through your head. “Do you know anyone here?”

“Of course she does, right, Y/N?”

You glanced at Jeonghan, one of the student teachers from your school, now beside you, his arm securing around your shoulder. You found yourself nodding along with the intense stare he gave you. Satisfied he had you playing along; he turned to Sasha who was darting her eyes between his arm around you and his handsome face. For a moment, you focused on following through, the euphoria of stunning your roommate making you feel incredibly warm all over.

And once she had said an awkward goodbye and dashed off to Tom, you succumbed to sudden mortification. Ducking your head and shrugging off his arm, you sighed. “Thank you for helping me.”

“I’ve been there before,” he said simply, gesturing his head in the direction of the others. You winced. They definitely knew too much about you now. You didn’t know how you would be able to face any of them in the faculty office on Monday morning. Jeonghan tugged you gently over to them.

“I actually should get going.”

“Where exactly?” Seokmin wondered, looking to Soonyoung beside him. You cringed as your cheeks coloured and then flinched at the former’s laugh. “I know where!”

“I don’t trust that sudden enthusiasm,” the final member said, and you barely glanced at Joshua. Of all the teachers before you, Joshua was the one you were most familiar with, given he was training under you and your fellow English teachers.

“To the whack-a-mole booth! Let’s go!” Before you even had a chance to slip by, Seokmin was dragging you over, paying the money for a round and handed you a fabric club. He then waved to the machine. “Do your worst, Y/N!”

You were hesitant but when the first creature shot out from the hole you smacked it down, focusing on where the next one would come from. As the game sped up, you tried harder to keep in sync, laughing when one of the moles slipped back down before you could hit it. Eventually, your time was up and you grinned, handing back the game instrument to the booth attendant and turned to the others.

“No way, is that all you can do?”

You smiled faltered at Soonyoung’s exclamation, watching as he rolled up his sweater’s sleeves. He shook his head. “Come on, I’ll do a round with you.”

After three more sessions, your sides hurt from laughing so much and you felt better for the energy you had exuded.

Jeonghan cleverly suggested a stop at one of the drink shacks for a juice and then you moved onto a couple of rides, played a few more games and watched as the sky turned dark. Resting on another bench as Seokmin and Soonyoung fought over who was meant to pay for the last game, you looked to Joshua beside you.

He smiled warmly and spoke before you could. “Is this your first carnival?”

“No, I went a couple of times as a kid but usually I asked to not go. Even as a kid I wasn’t very fond of crowds.”

“Ah, that’s why it seemed like everything was brand new to you. I hope you had fun.”

“I did, actually. Thank you.”

“It’s our pleasure. If anything, you kept me from dealing with a headache.”

“Oh?” You frowned and Joshua grinned, pointing to his fellow teachers in training. “Ah, they’re fun though.”

“They’re the right kind of people to be around on a night like this.”

You knew what he meant and nodded softly. You hadn’t forgotten what happened earlier, the kiss still lingering in the back of your mind. However, you had less time to think about it when Seokmin was dragging you about, Soonyoung was challenging you to do another round and Jeonghan was calling for a rest in between.

Without the events of tonight, you would have simply remained on polite terms and not gotten to know any of the student teachers further than sharing a smile when you crossed paths in school.

You hadn’t felt lonely before, but tonight made you realise what you did miss out on when you were cooped up in front of the TV every weekend.

“It’s getting pretty late,” Jeonghan announced and you took Joshua’s hand to help you up, rocking a little on your heels. You vowed next time you would wear comfortable sneakers in the very least. You blinked, realising you wanted another round of fun out like this and smiled with the idea.

Jeonghan hiked his thumb towards the parking lot. “We’ll give you a ride home.”

“Oh, I can’t-”

“You can, we’ll not feel comfortable letting you find your own way home, right guys?”

You nodded softly at Seokmin’s statement and followed them over to a van.

Soonyoung shook his keys to the vehicle proudly. “I teach a bunch of kids how to dance so this thing comes in handy for events. It might not look the prettiest but it’s reliable and safe. Hop in.”

The ride home was comfortable, with conversation about the school and their time there so far. You enjoyed hearing about Seokmin trying to teach a student how to utilise his falsetto by failing to maintain his own in the exercise, Jeonghan having a run-in with the bossy Vice Principal and Soonyoung admitted teaching teenagers dance and physical education was a whole lot different than he had expected it to be. Joshua only had nice things to say about his time in your department, and you confessed to crying in your first week as a fully fledged teacher because one of your students threw his textbook out the window. It wasn’t every day where you got to chat about things like this outside of school and when your street arrived, you were almost disappointed the night was about to come to an end.

And then your eyes focused on the house next to yours where Sasha and Tom were sharing a passionate embrace on the doorstep of, no doubt having spent a whole lot more time in bed together too. It didn’t hurt as much as it had at the beginning of the night but it subdued your excitement from your time with the others.

Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you reached for the sliding door handle. “Thank you again for tonight. And for the ride home.”

“Y/N wait,” Jeonghan said as you opened the door slightly. Looking back at the man, he was giving you that intense gaze that you remembered from when he first came to your aid. “Don’t let them have the upper hand in this situation. If they want to be like this, why not show them up for thinking of you as a fool. I don’t know the whole situation but if it was anything like my own, I know they’ve pegged you as something less than what you deserve.”

“I probably am.”

“No, you’re not that at all.” Jeonghan licked at his lips and looked at his friends before continuing. “Climb out of the van and say goodbye loudly and then turn back and…”

“And?”

“Kiss someone! Just do it.”

Your eyes grew wide at the preposterous concept, and you shakily stepped out of the van. Glancing in the direction of Sasha and Tom, now guiltily caught in the act, you felt something within you snap. You repeated the sentence from before thanking the four of them and then took a deep breath, expecting to meet Jeonghan’s lips when you leaned back in.

Instead, you were surprised to see him out of the corner of your eye as Joshua pressed his mouth to yours. You didn’t know if it was because of the whole situation or the added surprise that your co-worker was now kissing you, but you felt dizzy, pulling away and stumbling a little on the sidewalk. You smiled and nodded softly, waving at them before turning around to head up the footpath to your front door. You focused only on your steps, not paying any attention to Tom and Sasha staring at you or listening out for the van to depart.

Which is why you were surprised when a hand reached for your lower arm, swinging you back around. You stared up at Joshua who was now soul-searching your face, his head lowering towards yours again for a second embrace. Clinging to his strong back, you closed your eyes and melted into his kiss. It had been too long since you had tasted a man like this, sucking in a deep breath as he moved in for yet another kiss. And when you were certain you had no air left, Joshua pulled away, blinking rapidly.

“I just… I felt something,” he confessed, now staring at you again. You bit at your swollen lip and he watched the action before smiling. “I couldn’t not take the chance to see if it continued.”

“Did it?” you asked softly and he nodded, brushing your plump lips gently with his thumb. You felt giddy, leaning into his touch. “Me too.”

“I’ll see you again, I hope.”

“Well yeah, we work together.”

Joshua rubbed at the back of his head awkwardly. “Right, of course. Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight.”

You covered your face as Joshua jogged back to jeers coming from within the van, hearing a loud toot as they pulled away from the curb. Once they were gone, you spun around and walked up to the front door, uncaring of Sasha waiting beside it.

“You... you kissed that guy!” she exclaimed as she followed you inside, lingering at your side as you placed your keys on the hallway stand. She continued along with you as you headed towards your bedroom. “That’s not something you do.”

“How do you know what I do and don’t do, Sasha? Just because you see me one way, and think you have me all sussed out, doesn’t mean I’ll follow along with your expectations. We’re housemates, not best friends.” You opened your door and stepped in, stopping to throw a look over your shoulder at the stunned woman behind you. “Oh, you’re looking like you’ve recovered from your illness well. I’m glad Tom helped you with that. Goodnight, I hope you feel better in the morning.”

And with that you shut your door, walking over to your bed in a daze and threw yourself down on it.

What a night it had been.

Monday morning arrived, along with a bundle of nerves. Even with the giddy feelings that overtook most of your weekend, you had enough time during those moments to realise that your trip to the carnival wasn’t your reality. You were unsure how you would remain professional whilst teaching a class that Joshua sat in on and there was a multitude of meetings and department needs where you would be expected to attend and keep on task. You were gravely concerned that after Joshua had kissed the life out of you that you wouldn’t be able to focus on anything but his lips.

You weren’t secure enough into your teaching contract at this school to jeopardise your professionalism by locking lips with Joshua again. Yet, the idea made your heart leap around erratically in your chest and before you made it to the faculty office upon arrival at school, you diverted into the library, groaning heavily as you leaned onto the top of the front desk. Your closest friend within these walls was the librarian and Ela looked up from a stack of books she was cataloguing. “Is that a it’s Monday morning groan or a I’m having a hard time with my emotions groan?”

“Why are they your only two options?” you questioned with a whine and Ela grinned knowingly. “It’s the second.”

“I knew it. What’s wrong?”

“I did something completely unlike what I normally do.”

Ela became thoughtful. “You went clubbing?”

“No, why would I do that?”

“You said something completely unlike-”

“I know what I said but that’s all that comes to mind?” Ela shrugged and you sighed heavily. “I kissed someone.”

“Scandalous.”

“A student-teacher,” you continued and you suddenly had her full attention. Chewing on your bottom lip, you caved when she began to shake your lower arm repeatedly. “Joshua Hong.”

“Details!” she chimed, pulling you around into the back office for privacy. You told her about everything that happened that night at the carnival, placating her moans for missing out on hanging out with the four men with you.

You smirked. “You don’t have to be so obvious about liking Seokmin.”

“If I hadn’t been out of town this week and you didn’t ring me to come join you, please know that I’d no longer give you extensions on the books you hire out for longer than you’re meant to.”

“Duly noted. But what am I meant to do now?”

“Go to work?” Ela suggested and you merely gaped at her. She grinned and clasped your hand within hers. “Come on, Y/N, you boldly kissed him in front of all his friends.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“I bet you were on his mind all weekend long. No one comes after you for another kiss if they don’t like you enough. Joshua’s probably been pining after you since meeting you at the start of the term.”

“Ela!” you warned, swatting your friend away. Still, your cheeks warmed at the possibility. And with several encouraging words, you got to your feet and walked as confidently as you could possess down to the faculty office, scanning the room for a specific face.

“Y/N!” Soonyoung called out and you grinned, waving gently. Walking over to the kitchenette area where he was making a coffee, you thanked him for the cup he handed you and then spluttered on your first sip when he said, “He’s not here yet.”

“I-I wasn’t looking for him.”

“Uh-huh.” Soonyoung seemed amused. “That was some kiss you both had.”

“Can you quieten down some?” you pleaded, looking at the other teachers within the room. You didn’t want news to travel any time soon.

Soonyoung held no tact, or rather, wasn’t about to let your suffering end. “You definitely outdid your housemate’s moment.”

“Soonyoung!” you breathed and then greeted one of the senior staff members awkwardly. Holding up your coffee cup, you grimaced. “Thanks for this.”

“I’m sorry it’s no-”

You covered his mouth and laughed weakly at the PE teacher who passed you by, reaching for a mug. Desperately searching your new friend’s eyes for his silence, you finally stepped back and all but rushed out the door.

During the rest of the morning, you bumped into both Jeonghan and Seokmin along your way, thankfully having an easier time than with Soonyoung. Still, it was evident they had given Joshua enough grief over how your night ended on Friday and you wondered if that was why you hadn’t seen him yet.

Of course, you knew you wouldn’t miss him in the English department’s meeting just after lunch. It was usually you who arrived to these meetings first, bringing your lunch in and using the office as a quiet place to read until the other teachers arrived.

However, Joshua had the same idea as you and chuckled softly when you placed your lunchbox down on the table. You didn’t say anything at first, merely staring at one another, the rush of Friday night overwhelming you again.

Joshua gestured to the seat beside him. “I won’t bite you.”

“Just kiss me?” you said without thinking, waving your hands around immediately to dismiss your comment. “Wow, I’m sorry, that just came out of nowhere.”

“I mean, I won’t deny that. I would kiss you again. But I have enough pride to wait until after school hours. I’m not about to jeopardise our professionalism all because I can’t get you off my mind.”

Sliding your lunchbox around the table, you took the seat beside him and nodded gently after sitting down. “Same.”

“So I was on your mind, huh?” he teased and you groaned.

“First Soonyoung teases me after handing me a coffee, and then Seokmin passed me by in the corridor making kissing noises. Thankfully Jeonghan wasn’t as bad but still! Are we back in high school?!”

You both broke out laughing when you realised the irony of your current location. Joshua swivelled in his chair to face you, reaching out to brush the strand of hair that had escaped your ponytail back behind your ear. You ceased all movement, looking slowly over at the man. “They’ve been relentless all weekend. I know Jeonghan was only going to help you because he’s had it done to him, but I think he was a bit miffed I moved in first.”

“I wasn’t expecting it to be you either,” you admitted.

“Did I disappoint you? Was Jeonghan your aim?”

“No, I didn’t-- I mean, I wasn’t looking around and trying to take my pick.” Taking in a deep breath, you smiled at him. “I wasn’t disappointed at all.”

“I was,” he replied and began to grin charmingly. “That I had to end it there. Given how many people were watching on, I guess it was appropriate to but just know the next time I kiss you, we won’t have an audience.”

“The next time?” you repeated and Joshua hummed in answer. “When’s that going to happen?”

“Tonight? Dinner?” he proposed and you nodded, letting out a relieved breath. Joshua took your hand as he began to eat and you both conversed with ease over your lunch, sighing when the bell went off to signal the next period was about to begin. You watched the door with annoyance.

Your hand was still loosely held by Joshua and you went to remove it when the door opened, however, he tugged it under the table, resting your linked hands within your lap. Shooting him a look and then greeting the head of the department distractedly, you felt the small encouraging squeeze he gave you, a silent plea to keep the connection there.

And you managed to for the whole meeting, actively participating in the session, only taking a couple of nervous looks at Joshua during the beginning of it. You reluctantly let go when it was over, collecting your things to head off to teach the first-year students for their final period of the day. Just before you got up to leave, Joshua leaned into your ear.

“I’ll pick you up from your house at six, okay?”

He was gone then and you tried not to openly swoon over how well he had you hooked on him now.

The daze from the romance you were under cleared a month later, Joshua looking a little nervous to meet with you for lunch today. You wondered why, given you had shared lunch together every day since that Monday.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah… actually no. I’ve not been entirely honest with this situation.” Your heart dropped and Joshua clued onto your thinking of the worst and he shook his head. “Oh no, not like that. It’s just, my placement here is up in two days.”

“You’ve got another six months of university, right?”

“Yeah, and I’m being sent to another school for my final placement so I won’t be coming to this school as the others will be in the spring.”

“How far away?”

“Two hours,” he replied and you nodded numbly. Whilst you weren’t heavily into your relationship with him, you were finding yourself more involved in romantic notions towards him. He was caring, playful, sensitive and incredibly good at kissing thus far. You could easily see yourself falling for him within a few months time.

It was still too early to cling on, however, and you sighed. “So when do you leave?”

“Sunday.”

“We can spend time together until then,” you announced and Joshua gauged your reaction.

“You sure? I feel like I led you on but I wasn’t exactly expecting to date whilst I was here.”

“It’s been fun and you’ve helped me open up from being so enclosed in my world. I’m going to miss this, but I know it’s too early for commitment over long distance. Just, if you ever head back this way…”

Joshua nodded, reaching out for your hand and rubbing it gently. “It’s not like we can’t keep in contact. I won’t disappear.”

And he didn’t.

Initially, you did keep in regular contact. However, with preparation for exams and Joshua’s own busy schedule, you became merely social media friends. You would see his sporadic posts and reminisce over that early autumn romance you had together and then moved on with your day after liking the post. A year passed and you even went along to the final carnival of the summer. Instead of Joshua, Ela joined you this time around, the laughter doubled and you hoped it would be her getting that special kiss from Seokmin when the night ended.

You were ready for the new school year to begin.

Arriving early for the first meeting for staff members, you frowned when you found a water bottle on the table already. You felt it and was surprised to feel how cold the water was, sitting down beside it and frowning.

Who else would get here before you?

“Oh sorry I was-”

You looked up then into a set of eyes you hadn’t seen in person in so long. Blinking slowly, you realised he was still standing there and not disappearing with your efforts. Rounding the table, without taking his eyes off of you, Joshua sat down in the chair beside yours and let out a small chuckle. “Some habits never change, huh?”

“You beating me to this room every time is a feat, you know.”

“One I take pride in.”

“What of your professionalism?”

“I have to protect it with all my might. This is my first job fresh out of school, after all.”

You nodded as your smile continued to spread. “It’s a good school to work for.”

“I know, it has a lot of opportunities for me.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

You took in a sudden breath when you felt his warm hand reach under the table for yours. Looking in Joshua’s direction, he bashfully grinned. “Is it acceptable for me to still take this hand? You haven’t given it to anyone else, right?”

“On the first day back at work, you sure are willing to risk things.”

Joshua leaned in closer, noting the way you gripped at his hand. “Don’t worry I’ll leave the kissing until after school hours.”

_________________

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[all-about-khr]

a/n; just headcanons of mukuro being wholesome / a sane person that deserves to be happy. i just like imagining a different side of him, one that acts like a teenager and not someone who suffered all his life and only has revenge on his mind.

Rokudo Mukuro being wholesome

↠ Rokudo Mukuro is illiterate. He grew up in an institution and was experimented on. Reading and writing wasn’t that important and he never had time to learn even after massacring Estraneo because they were on the run from Vindice.

↠ Because of this, Chrome is the one doing the paperwork for both of them. Tsuna soon caught up with this fact and realized that Mukuro spent most of life taking revenge and not having time to learn what a normal person would. And because Tsuna is a kind soul, he decided to teach Mukuro himself. (Reborn was so proud despite him whacking and insulting Tsuna along the way.)

↠ Mukuro was embarrassed, of course. But Tsuna made sure that no, he wasn’t stupid and no, he isn’t incapable and also no, Tsuna isn’t going to bully him. Tsuna very much understands being at the lowest compared to everyone else so he really wasn’t planning on bullying Mukuro. Reborn was though and Tsuna decided to kick him out. (Tsuna got punished but at least Mukuro was a tad more comfortable with the prospect of learning something he didn’t get a chance to learn.)

↠ It didn’t take long for him to learn how to read and write, Mukuro was a genius in his own way. Tsuna mourns the fact that Mukuro’s penmanship was a whole lot better than his own.

↠ The first book Mukuro read and finished was a manga because Tsuna had a tendency to babble about it during lessons. This intrigued Mukuro. Tsuna ended up lending him said manga. He didn’t see said manga ever again.

↠ Mukuro isn’t great with presents. He isn’t used to receiving them and he has no idea what to give others on their birthdays as well. He gave Tsuna a freshly caught fish (still with the knife on it and all) on the boy’s eighteenth birthday. (At that point, Tsuna had gotten too used to these kinds of things so he just accepted it. Up to this day, he still doesn’t understand which one was the gift but the fish was delicious and he still keeps the knife in a locked safe along with other valuable objects.)

↠ Rokudo Mukuro turned red the first time Chrome ever gave him a gift. Seeing this, everyone started spoiling him with little trinkets they found that reminded them of Mukuro (the most prominent one were pineapples: keychains, plushies, artwork, notebooks, as long as they had pineapples on them). He yelled and complained, threatened them to hell and beyond but no one really did stop. It became tradition by that point.

↠ Mukuro is a giant fashionista. The closet in his private room in Vongola’s private mansion in Italy is full and well-kept. All of the clothes are branded and expensive. This is mainly because when he was younger, he never really got to choose his clothes. They were the same boring white uniform worn by patients (livestock).

↠ Mukuro loves seeing Chrome with different hairstyles. When he finally got his body back, he decided to wear the same hairstyle as Chrome every Sunday, whether it be braids, twintails, or ponytails.

↠ He had been scouted before. The amount of modelling invitations in his email was enormous, along with acting ones. He actually has a fanclub. Mafiosi who are aware of his reputation as a dangerous demon who escaped Vindice multiple times all blanched when they found out about his little fanclub.

↠ Mukuro is aware that he’s handsome, he boasts about it. 

↠ Rokudo Mukuro creates mindscapes so he can sleep better. Most of the time, it would be endless fields. Sometimes, it would be in castles. There was a time when it was an amusement park even though he had no idea what an amusement park is.

↠ Mukuro had never been to an amusement park. When Tsuna found out, he made sure to have Mukuro’s nineteenth birthday in an amusement park. (Tsuna finally decided to use Vongola money and rented a whole amusement park for the day which made Reborn facepalm.) Even Hibari was pulled along; they fought on top of the ferris wheel.

↠ Rokudo Mukuro’s love for chocolates is notable. Tsuna had to get him a private dentist.

↠ Rokudo Mukuro never says it out loud but he’s forever grateful to Tsuna. Deep in his heart, he vowed to follow Tsuna until the very end.

↠ Rokudo Mukuro will never admit it but he’ll do anything for Kokuyo Gang, not because he knows they’ll do the same but rather just because he wants to. He cares for them, even Fran.