#it really DOES get better the posts werent lying

[sunlightera]

i am so very at peace right now. i always like to write about when this happens bc like. peace is such a rare thing. im taking little moments lately to appreciate when things are nice so i can hold onto them when things arent so nice. but like. little things like the sun shining through my window onto my houseplant fill me with such joy. the house being clean and smelling nice. breakfast being tasty. my friends messaging me. the start of a new month! summer is always such a good time for me... im going to appreciate summer every moment its here.

idk i think im just rambling a little but its my blog. i can do that.

[transmandrake]

Not really a complaint but like, an observation, I see a lot of posts like 'oh, you know lying around doing nothing doesnt make you feel better or give you the energy to do stuff, you have to do stuff in order to feel better and do more stuff'

But I feel like this advice is kinda like, you know that plane diagram where all the bullets are on the wings and tail and stuff but you have to reinforce where the bullets arent are because when the bullets hit anywhere else the plane doesnt come back. That diagram. That advice is like reinforcing the wings cuz thats where the bullets are.

Generally speaking when I'm depressed or having a bad adhd day, I cant do anything, i try to do something but i cant, i just want to lie down all day, yadda yadda.

And then you do something and youre like wow, i did something and now i can do more things, i guess what I really needed to do was do stuff! But thats not what actually happens I dont think.

Im pretty sure the reason (sometimes) you can suddenly do stuff is because your depression or brain gets better slowly as you were doing nothing, and allows you to do things, and then you do those things and feel better and assume it was you doing stuff that did it, and not like, ambiently improving background health.

Honestly some of the biggest lessons ive learnt the last few years is that fighting it is useless... initially.

Doing nothing all day is the first step I always try now, instead of previously trying to fight it until i was completely depressed or brain- fried and then being incapable of doing anything except resting, making it take way longer.

Obviously if youve done nothing for weeks youve probably vegetated so much your like, mitochondria have unfolded and arent making energy good, so you have to force yourself to do something... but that kind of recovery personally is less doing stuff and more, spending the whole day playing a game, eating, walking, etc. 'Self-care' I guess? Stupid mental health walk. Not 'lets continue working on that hobby youve wanted to work on all week but couldnt'.

I think this doing nothing is bad vibe also is terrible for anyone who does this cyclically and has no idea how to rest because they only do it when theyre completely exhausted mentally... No one spends the day lying down all day for no reason unwillingly, yknow?

So yeah... I dont think its the doing stuff that allows you to do stuff a lot of the time. Im pretty sure its the not doing stuff beforehand... which doesnt usually feel good, so you assume that cant possibly have been the solution. Obviously theres nuance (Theres only so much rest can help with your attention span...) but idk. I think we're sometimes just tired so much that we dont realise when we're resting, it just feels normal and like youre doing nothing, that you cant enjoy it and help the process. Then you get enough rest and think "ugh finally I did something, i wasted all that time when I could have just done one thing and been able to do all this!" But you werent wasting your time. You were resting.

[bellamysgriffin]

i would say since you support so much content that uses bob’s face, you should look more into it and see how abusive and awful he was. the cheating is intertwined with the abuse because both eliza and bob gaslighted arryn by saying they werent sleeping together and just making her out to be crazy. i think you’re sitting on the fence because you love bellamy tbh

okay idk how my inbox became the meeting place for the bob morley discourse train but this is definitely the last ask i'm answering about this lmao

i really don't get this whole concept that being a fan of some sort of movie/show means you know everything about the personal lives of the people involved and you follow their lives religiously and it's deeply connected to your love for the thing. i know that's some people's experience with fandom and whatever, power to them, but that's never really been mine. it's just a fictional story. i was a fan of bellamy's character way before this stuff happened, and it didn't impact my feelings towards his character, because it has nothing to do with him. so it didn't impact me posting him either. i literally do not care about the life of bob morley. i can tell you now that i very rarely give it a thought.

i basically said this before, but being a fan of the show does not mean i have to have a stance on something that i read two years ago and only read because it was like the only thing people were talking about at the time. once it turned into one person is lying, one person is not, i checked out completely because we don't know these people! we are not fit to judge who is lying and who is not and this really has nothing to do with us just because we watch their show.

so if i'm on the fence about it it's because, as i said, i just don't care. i'm not going to look into it more because i don't care. i hope everyone's okay, but it doesn't interest/involve me, and me having a stance on it will not make the world a better place or do anything to rectify the situation. it sounds shitty and complicated and personal, and that's pretty much the only thing i have to say.

now please let's let this die this is so two years ago

[nc7dr3am]

LILY’s BIRTHDAY PARTY VLIVE

december 1st, 2020

you know the drill for nct dream birthday parties

they’re all at the long table, there’s balloons that spell “happy birthday lily” behind them

and they all have party hats (except jimin) and snacks and the cake on the table

jimin is seated in the middle, mark to her right, then chenji

to her left is renjun, hyuck, and then nomin

jimin: hiii czennies!!

and the rest of the boys do their shit yknow greeting the fans

hyuck: it’s our jimin’s birthday!!

and all the guys cheer but it’s so loud that jimin plugs her ears and wrinkles her face

hyuck: i remember when she was just a tiny baby :’)

jaemin: she’s grown so much :(

jeno: she used to be even shorter when we met her

renjun: even back then, we were all taller than her

jimin: today, i will be opening my members presents in front of czennies- we can all celebrate my birthday together!! sadly, mila unnie wasn’t able to though :(

chenle: mila noona got her an electric violin

mark: it’s so cool, seriously. and she played misfit on it as soon as she got it

hyuck: i was so shocked- she just knew it already without preparing

jisung: our jimin is talented~~

jimin: it wasn’t hard! i plan to cover dancing in the rain soon, since i helped compose it

a minute later, they start with the gift, youngest to oldest

jisung hands her a single card and everyone laughs

renjun: where’s your present?

jeno: ah, you know he’s always like this

jimin: *trying not to laugh* shh, let me read the car

jisung is just hiding his head in his hands, and the others and laughing quietly

jimin: ‘jimin... noona...’ ahhh, i hate being called that, this sounds so awkward?? anyway, ‘you’ve came a long way. it’s okay that you have grey hairs-‘ jisung!! WHY WOULD YOU TELL CZENNIES THAT

renjun then leans over while they’re all laughing and tries to count her grey hairs that actually exist. girlie’s got premature greyness 😔

jimin: ‘it’s okay that you have grey hairs and are grumpy a lot. you’re just becoming an old woman... but we still love you. happy birthday, from jisung’ you’re dying later tonight, jisung park. say goodbye to czennies now while you have the chance

once they settle down a little, chenle hands her his gift

mark: is there not a card?

chenle: she doesn’t need one

everyone’s laughing again and mark’s is super loud and cute and lily smiles while looking at him

jimin: let’s see what’s inside

everyone is looking over curiously

jisung: i already know what he’s gotten her. he wanted it to be the most expensive gift

jimin: you dummy, i don’t need- OH MY GOD

she’s holding a light grey purse and her mouth is gaped open

jeno: what is it?

yknow when they’re all confused and making those confused noises? yeah they’re all doing that

jimin: YOU SERIOUSLY GOT ME A GIVENCHY ANTIGONA PURSE?? THEYRE TOO EXPENSIVE

chenle: i know grey is your favorite color, so i got that~~

hyuck: HES TOO RICH

renjun: HE HAD TO OUTDO US ALL

jaemin: HE DIDNT EVEN HAVE A CARD

jimin: thank you so much, lele!!

and then she stands to hug him while he’s dolphin laughing

chenle: honestly, your purses all break and are too cheap... this one is supposed to be sturdy and hold a lot without breaking

hyuck: it’s funny when they break at the airport

jimin: shut up... jaemin oppa?

jaemin passes her a card and she freezes suddenly

jimin: will this make me cry? your cards are always so touching

jaemin: just readdd

chenle: she’s going to cry, i know it

jimin: ‘our lovely jimin’ WAHHH THIS IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY

renjun: just read, it’s okay!

jimin: ‘watching you grow up has been so strange. when i met you, you were such a baby. you were someone i wanted to protect, and you still are. you’re my little sister, and it’s been an honor to grow up with you, to perform with you, and be part of your family. you’re our most precious member, and i love you so much. let’s be together for a long time. happy birthday, koala.’

she was tearing up durinf the letter and you could hear it in her voice but at the end she began to cry more and covered her hands with her eyes as the others slightly malfunction cuz they don’t know what to DO

jaemin: don’t cry, jimin-ah!!

hyuck: get her a tissue! it’s okay~~

mark: *in english* hey, it’s okay! don’t cry, lils *puts his arm around her*

chenle: i told you she would cry

renjun: *helps to dry her eyes with his sleeves*

jeno: jaemin, why did you do this??

jisung: open the present, stop crying!!

^^ and all of those are just kinda all at once it’s so chaotic

jimin: *laughing* it’s okay, i just love you. oppa, give me a huggg

soon she’s opening his gift and she gives a great big smile

jimin: i was going to buy this myself!

jaemin: i had to get it for you~~

she holds up a new camera and even though her eyes are still a little teary she looks so happy

jimin: manager noona, can you help set this up? i want to take a picture with everyone after this!!

soon it’s time for hyuck’s gift, and she’s trying not to laugh as she opens the card

jimin: i’m most excited for this card...

when she opens it she LAUGHS and she shows it to mark who laughs even more

the others all clamor to see it and CACKLE when they do. she holds it up to the camera

the card just has all of hyuck’s recent pcs in it and says ‘you’re welcome for this card which has made your birthday wonderful’

jimin: donghyuck oppa, i love you so much. you’re the love of my life

hyuck: 😳 stop lying, stupid girl

she’s already opening his gift and laughs when she sees it. it’s noise cancelling headphones

hyuck: you were yelling at us recently that we were being too loud and you wished your noise cancelling headphones werent broken

jimin: i usually only use my earbuds, but these are so nice!! are they wireless??

hyuck: yeah, since you never use airpods i thought this was the closest you’d go

jimin: thank you oppa!! i love you so much

hyuck: i love you too

when she opens jeno’s card she grins

jimin: *in english* ‘little lilly,’ *in korean* ‘happy birthday. it’s been so many years since we met, and you’re still as special as you were then. stop growing so that you can be our baby koala forever. love you, jeno’

they all applaud, and jimin is pouting

jimin: i’m only you and jaemin’s baby, stop acting like i’ll be a baby forever!

jisung: taeyong hyung says that you’re his baby too

jimin: okay. i’m only nomin and taeyong oppa’s baby

jeno gives her a large gift bag and she pulls out some blankets

jimin: ahhhh, thank you oppa!! these are so soft!! i love blankets!!

jeno: keep looking, there’s something else~~

jimin: *gasps* l’interdit?! omo, i’ve wanted to try this for so long!! you all know i love givenchy... doyoung oppa got me givenchy sneakers today

mark: it smells really good

jimin: ?! did you all try it already?

chenji starts laughing and then it’s OBVIOUS what happened

jeno: we wanted to test it!!

jimin: *sprays it on herself* ooo, it does smell quite nice. thank you, oppa, i really love it

renjun: after you read the card, i have to go get the present

jimin: ?!

mark: is it too big for the room?

jeno: huh?

renjun: just read, jimin-ah~~

jimin: ‘jimin, i still remember when we met. you looked so scared in the practice rooms, but you still smiled at us all. i’m happy we see that smile every day, even when you’re feeling bad. happy birthday, jiminnie, we love you’ awwwh, junnie oppa... thank you

she leans on him, smiling

renjun: you’re welcome. but let me get the gift

hyuck: i don’t know what it is, does anyone?

no one knows what it is, but they’re even more suspicious when a manager leaves with him.

renjun, from a distance: cover her eyes!!

mark scoots closer to her and covers her eyes, making her pout

jimin: i want to seeeee

and then all the dreamies GASP which has her freaking out

jimin: what is it?! mark, let me go, i want to see!!

when she does see, her eyes go wide.

jimin: woahhh...

when it gets brought in, even all the fans watching are like O_O

renjun’s gift is... a huge floral arrangement with... WHITE LILLIES

LIKE THE INSTAGRAM POST MYSTERY

jimin: these are gorgeous... thank you, oppa

he hugs her, smiling

renjun: you really like them?

jimin: of course i do! you know white lillies are my favorite... and the daisies and leaves are gorgeous

hyuck: we should put them behind the table, so everyone can see them

jaemin: those are really pretty, renjun

jisung: woahhh

chenle: mark hyung looks upset- that’ll be hard to follow LMAO

hyuck: *smug* i think his will be good...

mark looks embarrassed handing her the card and starts to LAUGH

jimin: *in english* ‘lils, i hope the day has been better than every other one. i don’t wanna be weird and write as long a letter as i planned, so i’ll just shorten it. you’re one of the funniest, most talented people i’ve ever met, and i knew that even when we were little, shy trainees. i’m happy about all the time we’ve spent together and all the time we will have in the future, performing and growing by each other’s sides. happy birthday, m.l.’

at that point everyone is clowning mark because he got sentimental and sweet and mark and lily BOTH feel embarrassed-ish

jimin: thank you, markie oppa. it means a lot

mark: LMAO you’re welcome... it was nothing

hyuck: open your gift!!

he throws her a small box and she quirks an eyebrow

jimin: what, no puzzle? or an empty picture frame?

hyuck: what about a bible?

renjun: or an english dictionary?

mark: ahhhh. why are you all being like this

hyuck: don’t worry, jimin-ah, you’ll like this...

she opens the present and is met with a light blue tiffany’s box

jimin: no way. this is a joke. you didn’t get me anything from tiffany’s

mark: just open it!!

jimin: *opens it and just stares for a while*

and all the guys are wondering what’s in it and they’re all like woah.

jimin: oh my god mark

mark: do you like it?

jimin: of COURSE i do oh my god

she holds up a necklace with three charms on it. one that looked like a tag and another that was an ornate key and then a sagittarius charm. she’s smiling so big

mark: look at the other side, i got it engraved

jimin: ‘happy birthday, lils. m.l.’ oppa this is so gorgeous... help me put it on?

she lifted her hair and he fastened the clasp

hyuck: i told him to get you jewelry but he thought this up himself. i was surprised

everyone started to agree because mark is horrible at giving gifts

jaemin: it’s so pretty!

mark: haha i’m glad you like it

jimin: i absolutely love it! i cant believe it- i hoped you’d be the one person who didn’t spend much money on me. you know i hate people spending money on me

renjun: you deserve it, though

mark: it was nothing... i was just scared you wouldn’t like it

she gives mark a hug from the side, eyes closed and head on his chest

they all talked a bit more, the guys taking a bunch of the snacks, before they sang happy birthday to her and served cake

jimin: thank you guys, really... it means so much

jeno: you know we all love you

chenle: totally

he tHEN SMASHED JIMIN’S CAKE INTO HER FACE AND THEIR MANAGER SNAPS A PHOTO ON HER NEW CAMERA AS SOON AS IT HAPPENS

jimin: ZHONG CHENLE-

chenle already started running, but before chasing him, jimin says goodbye to czennies

then the rest of them closed the live

[babysizedfics]

I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event

[hydra-collector]

a sanders sides analysis of “far“

far, if you’re not aware (which honestly you probably werent) is an album by regina spektor (the same one as ‘one more time with feeling’ from logan’s playlist) and regina spektor has songs that work weirdly well with sanders sides so i’m going to give each song on the album a side. i might do this again with ‘what we saw from the cheap seats’ but its not as weirdly perfect as far.

this ended up being really long, so it’s under the cut.

the calculation: logan, no question. it’s basically about trying to 'calculate’ love from what they saw around them, mostly in media, because don’t understand it. they’re desperate to make it work, so they try again and again “beating their hearts against each other” and eventually, it sparks. intrulogical if you’d like someone to pair it with, since roman has all the romance with thomas.

eet: this one was more difficult, but i think its a lot of patton. after all, the summary on genius literally says “’Eet’ is a wistful, introspective song brimming with nostalgia. The overarching themes seem to be about a person’s development of morality through their experience in their childhood.” it connects a lot to ‘moving on’ in that respect, where thomas wishes he could go back to the times he remembered in patton’s room. if you don’t already know, eet is the backspace key on a typewriter, but since it actually prints letters, you can’t really go back. i also think the line “using your headphones to drown out your mind” is perfect for virgil. i think in “someone’s deciding whether or not to steal/he opens a window just to feel the chill/he hears that outside a small boy just started to cry/’cause it’s his turn, but his brother won’t let him try” janus could be the thief, trying to decide what thomas should take for himself, and obviously remus would be the brother that’s crying because he doesn’t get his turn to be listened to.

blue lips: janus or logan. part of it is kind of like an analysis of society, but it’s mostly about death and aging, which i think both of them will have thought about. the line “the pictures in his mind awoke/and began to breed” definitely reminds me of remus, intrusive thoughts and stuff. its preceded in one verse by “and no one saw and no one heard/they just followed lead” which i think could be about how thomas won’t let himself talk about remus’s thoughts, or janus’s lies, or even logan being tired of how thomas just tries to do everything everyone else does.

folding chair: roman, i think. part of it, patton, maybe. it’s hard to articulate exactly what i mean, but i think a lot of it has to do with being tired and lonely. i think maybe what i’m thinking with roman is that he’s been living so long one kind of way, but it’s not a happy kind of way. like he wants to do something (maybe flashbacks to ‘broadway here i come’ mayybe) or become a dark side, but he’s scared. “now i’ve been sitting on this abandoned beach for years/waiting for the salty water to cover up my ears/but every time the tide comes in to take me home/i get scared, and i’m sitting here alone.” i’m still not completely sure why this came off as roman to me, but maybe someone else would see it better. i don’t think it fits nearly as well as the other songs, but hey, i said i’d do all of them.

machine: janus or logan. kind of surprised it’s not a definite ‘logan,’ with its name, but it’s a lot about society and there’s a transition from “pre-war apartment” to “post-war apartment” which doesn’t fit logan very well at all. and rather than being ‘i am a machine,’ it’s “i’m hooked into machine.” i think that implies that the machine is society (forgive me if that doesn’t make much sense, genius doesn’t have much on this one) because we’re so intertwined, so connected to each other and functioning as a society, possibly how the government wants us to. some of the lyrics make me think it’s about some alternate universe, like “I collect my moments/into a correspondence/with a mightier power/who just lacks my perspective/and who lacks my organics/and who covets my defects,” which is the only reason i didn’t take logan out of the characters completely.

laughing with: janus, if he’s singing it sarcastically. i think he would be making fun of the people who ‘laugh at god.’ also the line “no one laughs at god on the day they realize/that the last sight they'll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes” which i think would’ve resonated very well with janus before svsr. not gonna say much else bc i can barely listen to the song as it is, much less analyze it.

human of the year: maybe also janus, but then again maybe moreso roman or patton. i say janus mostly because it has a very creepy vibe to go with the fictional award of “human of the year.” but roman or patton fits more with the receiver of the award. at least roman would probably give up anything to be deemed that great person, that hero.

two birds: anxceit babyyy. or roceit. it’s really weird because i can’t really tell whether virgil is leaving the wire or janus. the obvious option would be virgil, leaving for the light sides, but the subtler option is the callback. then again, i’m not sure if the one on the wire would change to roman or the general light sides if it was the callback. i also don’t think that virgil wanted janus to come with him, which doesn’t make sense for how the one bird would ask and the other would lie (hehe deceit) and say he was going to come. then again, that could just be a different interpretation of how virgil left the dark sides. in my opinion, though, roceit is much more fun. “i’ll believe it all:” roman. “i won’t let go of your hand:” janus. roman is lying to janus, he’s saying he wants to go to the wedding. janus is trying to just get him to go to the callback. roman’s tempted by it, tempted by how janus is treating him. the line “one more or one less, nobody’s worried” could maybe be janus trying to convince them that it doesn’t matter if they go to the wedding, that lee and mary lee won’t really care. anxceit’s also fun, though.

dance anthem of the 80′s: doesn’t really have a side that it fits in canon, but i think it’d be interesting to put it with patton in an AU. the character is peppy and innocent at first, but it descends into a more depressing tone. i also think the heteronormativity does it a favor in its context. again, it has nothing to do with canon, just thought it’d be cool in an AU.

genius next door: logan, or remus. this song hurts me every time i hear it, since i’ve started associating it with logan. it’s pretty much about this kid, the genius, who’s presumably depressed and goes into the lake each night, holding his breath until he comes back up. this ends up being a bad idea, because at one point he holds his breath too long, and dies in the lake. mostly as i’ve thought about it, i’ve considered logan, but honestly it kind of fits remus better, like how he “didn't care as long as he was able/to strip his clothes off by the dumpsters/at night while everyone was sleeping/and wade midway into that porridge/just him and his secret he was keeping” (the porridge is the lake.) in addition to that, they describe his death as “and the genius next door was sleeping/dreaming that the antidote was orgasm.” sorry for y’all having to catch me referencing other songs, but in the mountain goat’s “amy aka spent gladiator 1″ he says “do every stupid thing that makes you feel alive/do every stupid thing to try to drive the dark away” (which i think is also a very remus song) so he’s describing how it feels good to risk your life. the adrenaline will make you “feel alive,” which is probably why the kid in the song did it (which i saw in the comments someone compared to being the ‘orgasm.’) and while this is not a good idea, considering what happened to the genius next door, i do think it’s a very remus thing to do if he was depressed.

wallet: patton. it’s a very cute song, and it’s pretty much just about how the singer found a wallet, looked at it a little, then returned it to the owner. the singer says “i have no wallet/i keep my cards together with a blue rubber band” and i think that would be something patton does. “you'll never know me/i'll never know you/but you'll be so happy/when they call you up” is probably how patton would feel returning it. finally, something not depressing.

one more time with feeling: i don’t need to choose a side for this one, it’s already logan. i do want to share my thoughts on it, though, ‘cause it seems i disagree with a couple people (plus i didn’t analyze his playlist so i haven’t said anything about it before.) “everyone takes turns/now it's yours to play the part.” he’s supposed to help thomas, as he did in dwit and tried to in svsr. “and the misery inside their eyes is synchronized and reflecting it to yours.” they didn’t listen, though, in svsr and it took half an hour in dwit. for the chorus, “hold on/one more time with feeling/try it again, breathing's just a rhythm/say it in your mind until you know that the words are right/this is why we fight,” i think maybe he’s trying to be interesting to them. to just get through it, and practice and practice until he has the words that they’ll like. that’s just my little hc, though. “you thought by now you'd be/so much better than you are/you thought by now they'd see/that you had come so far.” these lines hit the hardest for me. remember how logan was in the beginning? especially in moving on, he seemed to have no compassion for thomas’s feelings. but hasn’t he gotten better? i think he’s trying to be better to them, to be kinder about emotional problems. and he has come far, but not as far as he would’ve liked, especially considering that he hasn’t seen them appreciate it. he was hoping that they’d notice, that they’d be glad he was doing better. that they’d be proud of him. but they aren’t. they just disregard him even more, unable to forget about who he was, unable to consider how far he’d come (maybe projecting a little.) i also think that the “this is why we fight” could be him talking about how because they don’t listen, he’s exhausted from getting angry at them each episode, and they get annoyed but their ignorance is why they fight.

as a whole, i think he’s just trying again, and again, and again, and i thought, maybe he’s trying with feeling. like, he’s trying to feel for them, trying to care. maybe it has to do with what he did in svsr, where he hinted at his feelings, how he felt like they didn’t care. and they didn’t say a thing. they only could’ve reinforced the idea that even though they’ve tried to tell him that he feels, they don’t care. i went on a whole rant about patton, roman, and thomas in svsr and i could again, but that’s not related to the song.

man of a thousand faces: roman, loosely. at first i was like “man of a thousand faces?!?! janus?!?” but it actually barely fits him at all. it might actually be about drugs, but we’ll ignore that. “his words are quiet like stains are/on a tablecloth washed in a river/stains that are trying to cover for each other/or at least blend in with the pattern” could represent his mistakes, his ideas, maybe stuff that didn’t turn out. and maybe the better ideas will cover up his mistakes. “good is better than perfect.” it could be that his perfectionism is driving him insane, and he needs to start reminding himself that it’s better if he starts reaching for at least just good. “and i’m crying for things that/i tell others to do without crying” is such a roman line i...

anyway that’s the album. if you read through this i’m... impressed.

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[gammija]

The Hollow review/summary/rant/explanation of why i hate the ending I wasn’t sure whether I should post this, but I did enjoy reading others experiences watching this show, so here’s mine under the cut. Edited from a convo with a friend.

(Obviously, spoilers!)

Me: Okay so to properly express my disappointment i gotta take you through the major beats

The show starts with three teens waking up in an almost empty room, finding out they all have amnesia. They quickly solve a puzzle to escape the room, and just as quickly Adam and Mira realize they have superpowers (superstrength/agility and some weird 'speak to animals/know all languages' hybrid, respectively. also she can breathe underwater and swim really fast. its kind of vague)

Kai is already clearly a comic relief, discount Ron (from HP, the movies, no idea about the books) so me and sister correctly predict he'll get jealous of adam and miras relationship (even if there is none), gets pissy and jealous that he has no powers, but then finds out he has powers anyway he does, hes a fire bender. cant say im not bitter about that cause id put my money on invulnerability but eh its alright he has red hair after all hes still fun

Friend: Of course he is

I just feel bad is all aldjs

Me: adam gets a throwaway line of 'maybe were dead' and kai never lets it go

this food might be poisoned but im starving and hey were dead anyway! right, adam

Friend: I love him??

Me: i loved him as soon as he spoke his first dumb words also he puns but basically hes the only interesting char; adam and mira are just cookie cutter 'male lead 1' and 'female lead 1' i mean, he’s cookie cutter ‘jealous 3rd wheel’ but that has more going on than the first two still servicable though

anyway so the jokes are sometimes fun, and superpowers are always my jam. but the REAL reason to keep watching is just, whats going on? ARE they dead? or in some kind of weird gvnmt experiment? some weird magical vampire guide (dont ask) hints they wanted this themselves ooh, intrigue. and the world is very very quirky they start in a gravity falls-y woods and then get teleported to a desert with minotaurs and witches, then get invited for tea by the Grim Reaper and the rest of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

tbh Grim is the best part of the show but thats neither here nor there

anyway they have a magic map that updates once theyve been somewhere, and it shows them that the hot dry desert and the swampy wood bunker are like right next to each other

so you start thinking, how are they gonna explain that? this is too weird to be handwaved away. theyve gotta be going somewhere

they visit some other exotic locals, like what appears to be the set of Alien (complete with alien) and an abandoned old fair and a floating island with japanese inspired evildoers on it

the weird magic guide keeps showing up and being vague, dropping hints that there are other kids there etc

at some point Mira says "This is no time for games!" Weirdy: "Thats where youd be wrong~" me and sister: Aha! videogame! that connects all the dots, and also makes the tropes clear: small world with all kinds of different areas, quests, fights, superpowers, an updating map, fast travel Adam, a few eps later: guis i think we might be in a videogame me and sister: [high five]

Anyway in the meantime also the second predictable Kai (discount Ron) plot happens: they meet three other kids (boy boy girl) and they act shady but the girl takes an immediate and obvious interest in Kai so obviously theyre gonna manipulate him and have him betray his friends but in the end he'll see through their facade and kick their ass that more or less happens. The other teens also confirm that this is a game, and theyre trying to win. winning is done by bringing the MacGuffin to a tree fights over macguffin ensue situations are dire but our characters persevere

(also Mira kisses Adam and he acts very weird about it, almost as if hes gay and the only reason they didnt make it canon is censors) (no lingering gaze, just him going 'hehe yeah no thanks, its not you, its me', but in a very... he doesnt seem to be saying it with shall we say burning desire in his soul. hes literally just like 'eh youre a good friend.' Cool move, cartoon that made the two main boys have arguments over nothing cause of course the two main guys have constant dick measuring matches)

this all is not the offensive part btw it was all fun and games, its just a flash cartoon i wasnt expecting Shakespeare

anyway so theyre in a videogame, and apparently thats the answer to all the weirdness. A bit of a cop-out, cause thats a very easy answer, but eh, it works. it wasnt immediately obvious.

also something i hadnt mentioned yet: thisd be ideal for making (self-insert) OCs. Unique powers for each person, there are clearly more characters than shown, the world is your playground

and maybe the video game thing could be interesting on its own in the last few eps the game seems to be glitching out a lot they say its breaking apart so they really gotta hurry now maybe they were beta testers for a vr game gone wrong maybe this is part of it but its like a huge experience that you tell all your friends about anyway there are ways it could be cool, could be expanded to a season 2 despite having solved the mystery

but. last episode. our heroes get the MacGuffin, go to a final stage, and fight the Boss Battle (its a dragon). they enter the Castle....

...and the screen zooms out, into a sudden live action stage, where we see the cartoon (literally what you were just watching) on screen. there are 6 chairs, 3 with our heroes, 3 with the other teens, presumably. theres a host and hes dressed exactly like the weird guy (and that was already kind of a clashy outfit in the cartoon). it was all just a game show. but. the worst part is the live action

you. dont. go. from. animated. to. live. action.

other way around? fine, can work. But now? WHY itd still be dumb and dissapointing but if itd been animated too itd at least have been.... nice to look at but the acting.. oh god they didnt even say anything and it was all wrong clearly theyd just picked the first random teens that vaguely looked like the chars and put them in there cause they had no lines so who needs acting?!

the enemy teams girl had, in the cartoon, pink hair. Purple with pink highlights instead of stylizing that into something more realistic or painting the actual hair, they gave some 30-year old woman a wig and called it a day

keep in mind i binged this show in one go

purposely stayed up late to watch the last ep with my sis even tho we shouldve gone to bed and were disobeying our dad cause we Had to Know

and theres more i said they had no lines but i was lying. Kai did have a line. well, his voice actor did they dubbed him also the line was about him having to pee which is already not the most hilarious in animated version but a live action kid whose supposed to be this character you spent 3 hours with but looks nothing like him saying that in a voice that doesnt belong to his throat, as he stands bashfully in front of a live audience, the only words spoken by your main characters in the last moments...

*its actual hell*

oh oh one more thing at the end the six kids stand in a line and kai is next to other girl they glance at each other and as the eyes of this teen and 30 year old in wig cross, her eye glitches for a moment

dun dun duuun

bUT i dont care anymore, The Hollow. You overestimated your own premise. this wont be forgiven. your most interesting part was the mystery, and the answer  to that was "just a normal game show" (which also doesnt make sense on another level smh) soo if you think that im interested in what these two-dimensional (ha) characters will do now about the glitch in the eye of a bitch then i have news for u

i dont

...if they get a second season ill probably check it out though as long as its animated

Friend: Gammi I'm getting the real sinking suspicious feeling that what you saw isn't the real end but bad on purpose because there's more to it

Me: the show didnt seem good enough to be bad on purpose

and yet im still not done, if youll still hear me out

i mean, im an animation fan so ill still watch but if theyd wanted to be bad on purpose they really shouldve done a better job fleshing out the characters thats what people come back for that was a bit of a sidetrack BUT so i said why the live action itself was just terrible in overal quality

but the resolution that 'oh it was all in a game show' doesnt work on multiple levels

first of all, they show a short flashback of "About 5 hours earlier". The kids stand on the stage and are instructed to take their seats in the vr-chairs, and pick their superpower

2 things i dislike about that

1) there goes all the self-insert/oc potential. they werent teens in over their heads, they werent gvnmt experiments, or just some kids who wanted to play a game -they were in it to win it, from the start. thats very specific and not the most appealing to all kinds of characters (goodbye, all the 'im just an average girl whod never step into the spotlight like that' characters).

Also, all the expansion on lore is gone. maybe there were other games simultaneously? eh, maybe, but theyd be all gameshows. Maybe someone ended uo trapped there for way longer? nah its just a gameshow theyre not gonna let anything actually bad happen. Maybe there are other worlds, other areas, other weird creatures? unlikely, they finished the map and familiarity seemed to be a thing for the audience. Now every new idea has to be put not through a 'whats interesting for a player' but a 'whats interesting for a viewer' lens, and whats a selfinsert if not a player in another universe

2) HOW IS THIS A SUCCESSFUL GAME SHOW

who the hell watches a game show for 5 consecutive hours, some of which mustve been just them walking. also, we zoom out of the screen were watching, so implication is that everything up until then has been what the audience has seen. but... we only followed the one team. there were two? why didnt the audience want to see what they were up to? ~reality tv usually thrives on showinf the worst assholes so realistically they wouldve been the focus~

There are also way too many times *both* teams couldve failed, from early on till late in the game. Not a single game i can think of thats played for an audience is set up like that, and especially not a televised one (okay tbf idk if this was televised, i dont remember if i saw cameras, but. it mustve. monetary reasons.)

What r u gonna do if they all 'died' from the monsters in the first ep? Call it a day? boring for the audience. let them restart from scratch? boring for the audience. the existence of an audience messes with everything

AND THEN ANOTHER THING what do you mean, "5 hours ago?" you never get a time stamp to show how long theyve been in there but there are some cuts, when they travel and such. The actual show is a lil over 3 hours runtime. You mean to tell me you sat through 2 hours of the characters just walking?

okay last thing. so. they were clearly second season teasing with the glitching eye thing. i already said this but. theres nowhere to go from here that isnt worse that the first season. your mystery is dead. you clearly know your live action teens cant act so youd have to go back into the game - but why would they do that? how would that be in any way interesting? you explored all there was to explore.

The other, more out there option, is that as you said the 'real world' was a fake-out and theyre still in a game. but. how would- how would you even make that remotely convincing? if youd just left the 'real world' gameshow as animated too this wouldnt have been a problem. but there is absolutely no conceivable reason to justify, in universe, why another meta-level up is 2D animation again unless they were in a game, in a game, in a game. and thats just dumb. yall aint inception

Friend: HONESTLY if they just kept the whole deal animated it'd probably be okay. Not good, but better,

Me: ye me and my sister came to the same conclusion

i couldve lived with that. at least, i couldve just acknowledged the finales existence but chose to ignore it. now however im full phantom planet levels of denial. in fact i dont even know how the show ended anymore, suddenly

Friend: what finale? what show?

Me: also at least now we know why its called The Hollow

it leaves you feeling empty inside

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / OCTOBER 5, 2019 // return of josh

oooookay folks! that's a wrap! below are my comments about tonight's ep + additional expansions on previously stated opinions. i'm not combining s2 ep 1 with this bc s2 is dead to me! so is s3! i only did this to gather up all these loose thoughts i had when this show with its one lonely season became such a comfort to me that i developed a second consciousness about it. but with these posts i am done! the evil is defeated! i will carry on through the 3rd and hopefully final season of nancy drew with less emotion and better spirits. thank god.

-"talk to owen" nancy firstly thinks of talking to owen only to see what happens w the agleaca; saying goodbye comes as sorta an afterthought mirroring tiffany's possession of george. yet nancy was unable to say goodbe to owen just like w kate. knowing this reveal about kate, i wonder if this was foreshadowing that something big will be revealed about him later? unlikely but still

-nancy + the reality of broken things: 'totems' like broken sand glass sculpture (good place) to show you it's not a dream; "owen broke that" ghost trap to ground him to reality, like how she reached for her locket in the good place, lucy's charm, ace's bear ('totems' idea borrowed from inception)

-george has never been an affectionate person, even with other women- so why does pda with nick suddenly become so important?

-lots of comments about ryan + women but what about carson/kate and karen? again with the hypocritical (interestingly, there is an aspect of violence to women connected with ryan (even though that violence is not his fault); but its not like kate or karen fared well either)

-ryan feels useless- relationships with women as stated by nancy- he seeks to redeem himself by showing up where nancy goes to prove he is good to have around/necessary/needed - but now that he is attempting to act as a parent he has to break through nancy's defenses all over again- firstly she didnt really consider him any kind of threat bc he comes off as incompetent- ie bad business deals- i think i mentioned last ep, their hauntings equalize them as they both attempt to gain peace by searching for answers but now ryan has changed the terms of engagement so he's back to square one, with carson. (which is how we find them s2 cowering in ryans car stalking nancy together)

-ryan's relationship to nancy exposes an interesting layer here. so far she doesnt know about nick/george but they still hold the cards (ie george gets one over on nick's ex/"the new girl") with the revelation of ryan being nancys father, nancy gains an interesting trump card in navigating the social fallout of being nick's ex. like george would take the new spot but then nancy comes out with george's ex in a much higher category. this plays out later on in the ep when george confronts ryan. george wants to talk about "them" but ryan shows up completely focused on nancy, thus illustrating the trump

-"i thought it was whitney with another insipid question" to me this sounds like whitney took bess's advice earlier about "asking aunt diana what she wants" (only to learn it actually annoyed the hell out of diana lmaoo)

-"then you need to fight for it" this hearkens nancy earlier by asking "arent you in by virtue of dna?" the test was positive; she is a marvin just like nancy is a hudson. thats not a fact that they can change. however, diana really acts like it can be changed- and in s2 we see it does change. its interesting for bess to be told to fight to be in a family she's already in and also foiled by nancy trying to fight her way out of her own family. would like to see bess stand up to diana and say something. i mean, she exists. as much as she may want to erase bess from the family, diana cannot erase her existence

-hannah's rolled up sleeves 💙

-"previous keepers records" -from s2- were those not her parents??

-mistaken murderers- everyone incorrectly assumes lucy was murdered just as they assume the agleaca killed owen

-even if owen weren't the price, how can they pay the toll without one of the people who called? i mean if it was anything other than owen and he still died they still wouldve been fucked

-"you don't need to check, i'm not even driving!" okay and giving up the goss. cassidy is me. lmfaoooo

-wonder if this locked marvin industries box will ever come back

-UNPOPULAR OPINION: george's confrontation with ryan comes waytoo late to do anything. i think i brought this up in an earlier post. its literally just her screaming at him now. like he is clocked out moved on. you know a good time for this scene? in the claw when he comes by to "check on her". hes vulnerable, fresh from rehab. and she has a chit over him for punching bookcases/the fuckin country club deal. therewould have been a perfect time to confront ryan on what happened- "what you did to me" okay sis. you admitted ep 1 you werent in hs anymore. youre of age now. admit you fucked up. take the L to force him to swallow the bigger L. and imagine how much more powerful the scene would have been- in george's domain, literally her own office, something ryan doesnt even have because HE DOESNT DO SHIT. ryan is SO EASY to trap but nobody notices. instead they have george try to get some kind of apology out of him when hes already done with that, and only for the sake of her establishing a new relaionship to boot. imagine how much more empowered she would feel if she just got that closure for herself- because she needed it, not so she could trot straight back to nick being all proud of calling a grown man to some random estate only to scream at him in a parking lot and have accomplished nothing. 🤦🏼‍♀️

-i get patrice thinking nancy is lucy but yeahhhhh this isnt how dementia works 😬

-i almost cant with nance and josh. how do you save your would-be murderer? (+ lucy's best friend and brother are in jail, her mom is lost to her mentally; all she has left is nancy and ryan)

-tbh i had no idea how to spell agleaca until bess said "theres no i in agleaca!" i thought it was igleaka like 😂

-damn how george just stares at nicks hand and then gets out herself is just so sad (like she immediately rectifies it but still...)

-"curiosity" part II; nancy who comes back to the sea after her mother died in it- agleaca drawn to lucy's trauma/to agleaca, lucy died fir "love"- would nancy be willing to risk the same? // this is also one of nancy's "mirroring mom" moments: winning sea queen, going to the velvet masque, getting caught by celia, having a "chat" with everett, and "falling" off the bluffs

-the collector 🎵👌🏻

-i wonder if there's any significance to the locations/means of their deaths; nancy's is pretty straight forward in terms of where and how, but why george and nick drowning, in the truck specifically? drowning in love? idk. ace's at the claw i get, but he gets himself caught? in what precisely? what does the fish hook mean? and bess's makes the least sense- burning alive? in the marvin estate? maybe the agleaca picked the most painful death for the marvin blood relation? idk. up for debate lmk ya thoughts

and lastly:

-i remember seeing this ending for the first time and i had just been traumatized by avengers endgame and since black widow is also a redhead seeing that shit at the bottom of the cliff it was like 😰😰😰 TOO SOON

-random thoughts-

these are just things i noticed, feel free to grapple with them or take note of them for extrapolation in s3 (lord knows i wont be) they probably belonged in recaps for previous eps but i either didnt find them in my notebook or couldnt fit them in

•nancy and truth/the perception of truth: using facts to suit theories instead of creating theories to suit facts- nancy often plays with the perception of truth and the details that fall between the steps; but she is also a victim to them by people who also know how to play the game (ie Carson) ex lying about the dress (tea cups and knives, trash got picked up, bail paid 1 hr ago) her inferences can be off from what others tell her ("people always lie") but she can also come to the wrong conclusions organically (carsons trial) more willing to believe the best in others/wanting them to be innocent (think nick ep 1) but later finding out the truths hurts more so she chooses to isolate herself and avoid involving others to be spared pain

•maybe i'm dumb, but who is "mr marvin" exactly? owen? the bald guy from the funeral? this comes from the guy who takes sailboats out like ep 4ish and says "ive worked for the marvins 20 years" she compliments the ship, he says "mr marvin and i just took her out this morning" so?? who is that? plus last ep just saying cassidy and isaac are her "late husbands children" dows thet mean sebastian? like did diana marry in? i feel like it would be odd for her to so embrace the "marvin way" if she wasnt a true born marvin

•ik college becomes a more s2 topic but none of the crew have ever been to college 🤔

•nick + the relationships with people whose reputations are tarnished: tiffany with investigating the hudsons/marvins, josh with murder/attempted murder, kate and 'stealing'/lying about nancy (esp compared to her almost preternatural kindness i mentioned before), george and her mom/family's reputations --> this kind of segues into nick + the concept of believing people you love could be capable of horrific things- accidental or on purpose (see- having to tell his family what happened)

•at the beginning, nancy kind of seems to be the "i'm sorry you're upset" kind of apologist and knows it. she also doesnt usually apologize earnestly bc shes never really sorry (she always has to get what she needs first ie coins mess) and she doesnt want to lie; to me it seems she doesnt like to bother with other people bc they require certain cues/niceties that are often lies- they ask "how are you" without meaning it, they dont really want an honest response except "fine", they dont like it when you call them out on fakeness, etc/ they require apologies for their bruised feelings even if youre right (and nancy can be pretty rude/nasty if provoked- a harshness unsoftened by sympathy)

•cont'd from the good place ep- since kate apparently means nothing to nancy anymore according to last ep ("stop calling her my mother") is her policy of "always seek the truth" now null and void? this mantra is now tainted bc the person who gave it to her broke it so much. can nancy disengage w it now? does she fall from grace to be complicit in "mysteries" of her own like everyone else? does she lose some of her "god-like" holier than thou act bc she is now literally born and raised in the "darkness" of sins/ugly truths like everyone else's? (ie truth is ugly but not to nancy, until now)

•did lucy disappear because her "murder" was finally solved? or simply because her trauma was addressed- she never meant to tell anyone about her suicide plans, the twisted trauma of which was too great to contain/unable to move on due to "sin" - or unable to move on because secret of nancy's parentage still remained? "lucy never wanted me to figure out how she died" she only wanted nancy to figure out her parentage without solving the mystery, yet did lucy see/witness nancy's revelation at the claw, or with carson, or even ryan? waiting for karen/josh to know? or just vanished?

•concept of imperfect mom figures- lucy, kate, celia, victoria, even karen- who all struggle with failings

•since karen dispelled one of lucy's attempts at nancy's haunting at the garden party, is that proof she isn't haunting karen?

•the crew + needing adult help: george's possession and victoria, club busted and owen, car accident and mcginnis, thom and cipher, larkspur lane and sal, bones and john, agleaca and hannah

•everett is always sitting- at his home office, at dinner, at yacht club (wonder if that was his actor + had to do with his recasting?)

-dad talk-

•both her dads think negatively on her "girl detective" thing but ryan sees use in it as a means to get answers, carson would never 'use' her in that way

•nancy + carson : suffering

"what about what i wanted?" + carson being imprisoned for weeks but she immediately rejects him (the DAY he gets his freedom no less) with no regard to his suffering (caused by herdiary!!) in regards to her own from this new knowledge (she does suffer a lot- "almost dying is my new normal" but still)/ the "thankless job" of parenting

•nancy + adults - connected to cop thing a few posts earlier : nancy is v precocious and smart for her age- she is "old enough" but also has trouble with the "adults" in her life- fathers, moms, karen, and cops letting her down but depends heavily on "adults" she cantrust- hannah gruen, john sander, lisbeth- highlighting her youth and occasional naiveté; nancy is unafraid to hold adults accountable for their actions (ie karen) but also loses them as allies along the way. both hannah and john are very nonthreatening and also experts in their fields, while her fathers and karen are revealed to be "just another brick in the wall" average, capable of mistakes, and not the people she expects them to be, while characters like john and hannah can only benefit nancy because either they do not mean as much to her or have no reason/nothing to gain by lying; they are purposefully shown to be small, demure, gentle, and nonthreatening as foils/opposed to karen, ryan, and josh whom she previously trusted; carson (+kate) is nonviolent as well but has the biggest betrayal which is perceived as an act of violence to her very personhood/shattering who she thought she was so she cannot be that anymore (admits truths to john "everytime i dig i hurt everyone" and hannah-agleaca) : unclear if redemption is possible for anyone :

•nancy bonds with carson over loss and then ryan over haunting. but actually, nancy rejects carson over loss bc she wanted to say goodbye and wasnt allowed to- so carson was with kate but nancy was not. nancy and ryan are more equals about haunting bc they both start around the same time and conclude together as well [nancy and ryan bond over thinking their parents conspired to kill lucy- think sitting on the floor at velvet masque] nancy is appreciated by ryan for her ability to get answers- he has no qualms about going through her/outside of police bc he wants results/instant gratification and thinks nancy is more so the expert in her field/respects her even through her age- once again acknowledging she is braver than he is (think lucy + claw parking lot) and her portent in the car freaks him out bc shes usually always in control, esp with him

•bc nancy was told "you can't be afraid of the truth" until she was / ironic bc shes braver than him except when the truth is they are related then she's scared to tell him while he actually starts to take some initiative

•nancy picked "the wrong person" to help her through her grief in her dad's eyes like her mom's best friend was somehow a better choice? carson truly "parents" nancy even during grief and haunting (which she rejects) whereas nancy and ryan are really equals in all their situations which is actually better for her and easier for her to maintain- nancy's expectations are low so anything that ryan gives is a bonus. nancy's expectations of carson were shattered by his lies so now she has nothing to connect with him about- they could barely even connect when sharing the same grief- carson actually very hypocritical hence nancy's upset at karen revelation yet carson doesn't agree bc hes the "adult" and shes the "child" not realizing she hadnt been one for a long time (hidden staircase perhaps?) whereas ryan better treats her with lack of controlling parental nature bc he is impressed with her competence before he receives that knowledge; "lucy was smarter than me too" acknowledging her intellect negates his ability to "parent" ie control her to leave him solely with caring about her wellbeing in her situations + aftermath - i honestly dont think carson would ever admit that shes smarter than him* bc he thinks shes not "all grown up" yet ("youve kept me on the bench for years"); ryan is more willing to meet her where she's at which is so important for all her good relationships - ace, owen, etc

*carson asks for nancy to figure out "who to trust" in ep 12, finally admitting that she is useful/ie acknowledging that her skills/abilities do help, are necessary, and can in fact save lives --> this is then s2 follow up by working for him (but it takes him that long)

•ryan/nancy/carson venn diagram - using sex to escape trauma

•if not carson vs ryan then what about celia and everett vs patrice (and josh)? at this point in the narrative, do you think ryan's parents would take his side should the knowledge become public (without their involvement), or deny nancy?

•"we were a family" + the disruption of family dinner- kate was really the one holding that family together and her death makes it unsustainable

okay!! that's all folks! i have exhausted my plethora of nancy drew thoughts + knowledge. you will never have to hear from me again!! TYSSM 😘

[onlyjihoons]

collegebf! daniel

a/n; happy birthday to kang choding hehe,, dedicated for my dearest mother @mongniel aurora until she disowned me so im trying to validate myself and also the loyal mom, ariane @deepdickdaniel

(repost bc the tags werent working)moodboard will be uploaded in a seperate post soon!

major: vetinary

minor: sports science

honestly took up vetinary bc of peter and rooney

so he could save on the fees to the vet

though he puts up a strong front he is often a kultz and actually really soft??

likes kids too and often swings by the early childhood department to visit minhyun

but let’s face it, animals like him better than the babies do

has a phobia of insects, especially flying ones

hence cant join practical lessons that involves specimen or live insects

his classmates would be kind enough to share with him the notes they took in class, but he would rather fail the topic than look at notes of insects

there was once his friend, ong threw a fake spider whilst daniel was studying and he screamed, pushing off the seemingly 1 ton table and chair away from him

ong was like,,, “are you sure he wants to be a vet next time”

despite his phobia of insects, he will actually grin and bear it when he needs to remove lice from animals

red bull and gummy addict, but more likely to die of shock from insects than diabetes

you will always spot a can of red bull on his lecture desk, and bet 10 bucks it has a love note attached to it from his admirers

fairly popular in school, because a soft, tall and cute guy doing vetinary?? he just screams boyfriend material in that white lab coat

and glasses slipping down his nosebridge just makes him look even more cuter

loves dancing as a hobby so he took it up as his minor

does b-boying and modern dance, looks equally hot in both

when the school hall is filled with girls, it is either some kpop boy band is performing, or daniel and his dance group, wanna one are performing

has so much charisma in his dancing, the idea of “cute daniel” gets thrown away

but a cute bunny most of the time who is addicted to gummies

surprisingly, hasn’t dated a lot as contrast to rumours that he’s a fuckboy

he really hates fucking around with others’ feelings… despite being choding(childish) around his hyungs of wanna one

meanwhile you,, a medicine student trying to keep up with the expectations of society

to be honest, you’re doing well

but not well enough to enter the top hospitals of seoul

and you’re here on scholarship anyway, might as well make use of it to make your parents proud

you’re your parents’ only child too, the pressure to do well is also quite high

you barely dated, the only time was in high school where you were a foolish teenager dating your best friend

you did have classmates confessing to you though, but everything stayed platonic

they weren’t upset surprisingly, they were more than willing to be friends with you too

eventually they found their other halves, but are still good friends with you

you were glad guys in your faculty were understanding,, unlike some that disliked you after that

you were friends with jaehwan, your old friend since the both of you were in diapers

he took up music, and ended up having lots of college scholarship offers

he eventually went to your college, despite it not one of his first few choices

“my friend would die a lonely virgin if i didnt help her with her love life”

“shut up jaehwan, 80% of your girlfriends broke up with you because your laugh is annoying”

“i dId NOT aSk for this sLaNdEr”

anyway, you had no idea how jaehwan ended up in wanna one(and daniel’s roomate), depite his “boom boom-bastic” dance skills

winkwonk

but that boy’s vocals can reach to the gods in heaven and appease them

he tried to matchmake you with all of the members of wanna one(excluding the minors of course) but it all failed because your friend was the worst at being discreet

the lords of venus eventually shined upon you when daniel was sent to your faculty for “emergency” treatment

“y/n,,, we need you to fix daniel, quick.” jaehwan said breathlessly over the phone

“if he needs a one night stand, im not an option, you know that, kim jaehwan.”

“no, that stupid boy accidentally cut himself while trying to disect a frog… and he’s bleeding a lot.”

“oh the flower boy from vetinary?” you nodded as you took your first aid kit, “but you aren’t even majoring in vetinary, jaehwan, what are you doing with daniel?”

“he called me to call you– ok nevermind, i’ll explain to you later, we’re on our way to your faculty. wait for us outside the medicine labs.”

“uh okay.”

so there you were, waiting outside the medicine labs with your first aid kit

seconds later, you saw 3 boys running towards you, one visibly taller than the other 2

you could finally make out their faces, it was jaehwan, daniel and another boy, wonwoo whom you were friends with due to jaehwan’s failed matchmaking

“y/n,, i think daniel is gonna suffer from anaemia…”

you tried to stifle your laughter as you examined the cardigan wrapped around daniel’s hand

“he won’t. don’t worry.” you assured them as you unraveled the cardigan, “let’s just hope it’s nothing too deep…”

when you revealed the wound, it was just a minor cut, though not as minor as a paper cut but definitely bleeding

you glared at jaehwan, who smiled sheepishly and resigned to his death after you treated daniel

you dressed the wound quickly, lips pursed in concentration

what you didnt notice was daniel’s gaze, which was on you the whole time

he had a weird feeling in his stomach, he wanted to use his other hand to run it through your hair

he tried to shake it off, but he got more and more attracted to you when he saw your eyes meeting his to make sure he isnt uncomfortable

this wasnt the first time daniel saw you though, he often saw you on jaehwan’s lockscreen, as your friend had set the selca both of you took as his lockscreen

as much as daniel wanted to meet you, he didn’t want to give you the wrong impression because of his rumours

and now he finally did, but he was pretty sure you’re gonna hate him for being over-reacting

“done,” you patted his dressing and pushed his hand towards him, “it’s nothing too deep, don’t worry. but make sure to take it off when you’re showering, if you need any help just give me a call.”

daniel shot you one of his signature eyesmiles, “thank you so much, i’m sorry i had to make you rush down for me…”

“no its fine! just call me whenever. i hope you get well soon.” you smiled, then tiptoed to daniel’s ear, “just don’t tell jaehwan though, he can be a little, nosey.”

you were lying if you said daniel wasn’t attractive and totally did not win you over with his eyesmile in the span of 3 seconds

“and kim jaehwan, you owe me a meal. for helping your friend and putting up with your drama.”

at this point, daniel was totally smitten

everyone could see it, even the members of wanna one started teasing him about it

“i can set you up with a date with y/n if you want–”

“no i dont like her peter and rooney are my girlfriends”

daniel totally did not ask almost everyone in his faculty for your number

when he finally had the guts to text you, he was all giddy when you replied, jumping up whenever he heard the personalized notification just for your contact

meanwhile, while you were talking to daniel, you really loved it when he talks about animals, it seemed like all time has stopped in the world and his passion for taking care of animals is just so attractive

and he didnt seem like the usual fuckboy everyone perceived him to be

one day, daniel asked you out for a pizza date, and you immediately agreed

because free pizza and a cute date, why not

the both of you ended up going to laundry pizza, just bc daniel said ioi went there to take their album jacket photos there LOL

but the pizza there was good so you weren’t complaining

daniel ended up paying for the both of you, after 15 minutes of rentless argument over who should pay

the both of you also went to the arcade, wasting your money on those claw machines

you didn’t get anything, but you had fun throwing airballs at the basketball machine thingy

daniel walked you back pretty early, because he knew you had a morning lecture the next morning

not gonna lie, you wanted to stay longer but daniel was not gonna have any of it

daniel walked you till your doorstep, and your hands were fumbling through your purse for your keys

looks like someone forgot their keys,,,

you laughed humourlessly as you tried to open the locked door, but only for daniel to giggle along with you

your roomate was out too, and she wouldn’t be back till the next morning

“i dont think its safe for you to be sleeping outside, why dont you stay over at my place?”

“im–”

“ok let’s go”

you didnt even say anything and here you are, at daniel’s dorm, unsure of what to do

just watching daniel hastily clean up his dorm is quite amusing

“jaehwan wont be back till really late, he has an event to attend to.” daniel smiled as he proceeeds to kick the sweet wrappers under the sofa, “i’m sorry you have to put up with this, y/n.”

“no, no, thank you for letting me stay here, or i’ll be freezing in the cold right now.” you shook your head, yawning

“do you want a change of clothes? i have a hoodie you can wear…hopefully”

you never knew you would be staying in daniel’s dorm, on his bed, in his hoodie

until today

you slept fairly well, with daniel’s scent invading all your senses

until you felt something on your foot

you woke up, scared

the thing kept probing at your feet, and soon it was licking it

you screamed, and soon enough daniel ran into his room to see what happned

“y-y/n?” he rubbed his eyes as he turned on the lights, “what happened?”

“s-something was at my foot”

daniel moved the sheets, and he found rooney peacefully sleeping on the foot of the bed

“i’m sorry, rooney always likes to invade the bed in the middle of the night,,, i should’ve told you earlier”

“it’s fine, i was just too shocked hahaha”

silence

“maybe i’ll sleep with you, so peter and rooney wont disturb us”

you stared at daniel, as he quickly waved his hands, “no, no, i wont do anything, i swear, you can end me if i do.”

neither of you could sleep, so daniel nudged you

“y/n… i know its weird to say this but,, i like you”

well that was really weird

“i don’t expect you to accept me and all but i just wanna let you know that i–”

you cut daniel off with a kiss, as he sneakily snaked his arms around your waist to bring you closer

after a good like, 20 seconds, you pulled away, “me, rejecting kang daniel?? no way.”

ever since the both of you started dating, jaehwan started to brag about himself, saying that the both of you were a couple thanks to him,,,

but would shut up immediately after he sees you in the vicinity because he would be running away from you

a very cute relationship, daniel would always wrap his arms around your shoulders and snuggle you close to him

instant ramen dates are a big thing and you always have to clean up after daniel

but he helps of course, after hearing you nag at him for the nth time

he would always make you a bento before your papers, with a note that says, “with this bento, you will do well! fighting! love, daniel”

and vice versa, you would bake him muffins too

sweetest boyfriend, but the type to say pick up lines to annoy the heck out of you

they arent even smooth, theyre hella bad

and yes, kang choding still exists

you have to physically stop him from buying/eating more gummies or his teeth would rot

since daniel is relatively bigger in size, you would always steal his clothes and he would always wonder how his clothes would mysteriously go missing

he would know the answer when he sees you the next morning

the whole campus ships the both of you sm

please love kang daniel

[deathsusanstohelit]

that self dx-ed autism feel where you never quite feel sure that youre really autistic, cause you know maybe youre just lazy and shy and awkward and maybe your just mistaking social anxiety for autism, what does it matter that so many posts made by autistic people feel right if you dont 100% fit every single possible symptom right? so then of course, it’s not right to tell people or try to get accommodations or anything because you might just being lying, and thinking that youre a ‘special snowflake’ or whatever bc self dxing can be good but its also not Professional and Real and god you hate this back and forth 

you know how it is, you definitely fit the profile for some common autistic traits (having problems reading/understanding other peoples emotions, awkward communication skills, difficulties socializing, lots of stimming, some sensory issues, some executive function issues.... ) but you dont fit everything perfectly so you might just be making it up (like you dont stim all the time, your executive dysfunction is intermittent and manageable, your sensory issues are limited to very specific things.....) or maybe youre not making it up but you might not be really autistic, and youre still lazy. or maybe everything youre feeling is really actually normal and youre just overthinking everything 

cause i mean of course if you dont immediately identify with everything another autistic person is saying about their experiences, it’s you who is wrong ........

and obviously if no one else has ever questioned you being neurotypical, and you werent bullied for being weird besides a few scattered tiny incidents (just constantly ignored and pushed aside for other, better, cooler friends....) and youve never had a meltdown (just what were probably shutdowns) and youve always been pretty good about having filters when you talk (because you hardly ever say anything and when you do its been practiced several times in your head already) and youve been able to get by so far without issue (if you ignore the difficulties making friends and the inability to focus on anything besides the schoolwork and your few social obligations) really it all adds up to mean that youre probably not autistic because you dont fit the picture exactly 

(i honestly dont know much of that was sarcasm.)

also tfw when you started wondering about yourself bc your friend got dxed and then you realized how many of these autism traits fit your brother (and then you realized how much, in quieter ways that are hard to notice if youre not trying to pay attention, you are like your brother) and you dont know how to bring up the topic with him to help him understand himself because talking to him about it would mean bringing up why you think its important (because you still dont really know how to lie, or even how to avoid subjects that you dont want to share) and really its so hard not to notice now how many things you guys share, its just that he’s a white cis dude so of course he fits the autism stereotype bill so easily that it’s obvious and no one would question it 

(and you think about how, that one time when you moved and your brother went into 1st grade, his teachers had some kind of talk with your parents about his lack of social skills and isolation and you were always so mad about it because the teachers bothered to notice that he didnt have friends when you literally had no friends from kindergarten up to 4th gradeish and no one ever bothered to wonder why, or even try to help you, or tell anyone because shy quiet little ‘girls’ arent an issue but shy quiet little boys are... and you didnt even realize why you were so mad until you got old enough to wonder about what being autistic meant) 

(and yet all while youre still mad that your little brother reads as so much more obviously autistic then you, and youve spent your life figuring out ways to get by without noticing (like such little, passable stims, never talking, never playing, never making friends, making notes to remind yourself to do every thing you would have forgetten otherwise), your brother has been allowed to keep on being autistic and he’s never been forced to fit in to get by)

(except that that’s not fair and you know it, just because no one has ever bothered to make him be different just means that he’s being disadvantaged in different ways and while your problems got lost behind your fake mask of functionality, his just get him yelled at)

(and while youre at this, him being ‘more’ autistic means nothing when your parents think that just telling him to be ‘better’ ( to stim more quietly, to get over his exectuvie dysfunction and social issues with nothing more than a thought and a bit of willpower) will somehow change him and make him ‘normal’. when your mom is willing enough to make a joke about how your little brother is autistic but not willing to talk about getting him a diagnosis so that he can get advice and accommodations and work on his problems with any kind of help at all. when the only way that your parents address his behavior is to tell him to stop, or tease him in ways that youre starting to feel like arent really teasing at all. when your mom yelled at your brother for not being ‘normal’ in order to guilt him into continuing to socialize after a long ass day. when your little brother, who you want to teach to accept and understand himself and others but have no idea where to start, gets so much more crap from your parents about not being normal because youve pushed yourself to seem so normal that they dont even realize how much you struggle to achieve what you do. 

and then you just realize, that at least when it comes to this past of yourselves, both you and your brother having been fucking disadvantaged and hurt by your parents inability to deal with having autistic children) 

and yet you still cant decide whether or not youre sure that you have autism 

[bestillmybeefyheart]

Thank you to @liefsystem for the Ouroboros art, please visit their page for more. http://liefsystem.tumblr.com/post/88865477056/ouroboros-snake-one-first-of-a-set-of-two-i-am ---------- This is an Ouroboros, a snake eating its own tail. It's origins are I believe Greek and the name breaks down to Oura (tail) and Boros (eating). This endless circle represents many things, but to me it represents #Benzodiazepines. Why? Well, they for the most part are an Ouroboros in themselves both in what they do and how to create a loop in your life where you get stuck. Some might call it a Catch-22 but I think Ouroboros is more appropriate. Why does this snake eating its own tail represent this to me? It breaks down like this... We, as anxiety sufferers, we seek some kind of relief, and usually end up self-medicating with alcohol or the more abused and used method, via Benzodiazepines. The way Benzos work, they tell your GABA A receptors to shhhh, quiet down, let us do the work for you. And the receptors stop producing as much Gabapentin, causing your body to also have altered glutamate and adrenal levels as well as serotonin levels. So, your normal level is say 100. But when you take benzos, it slowly drops down to say 10, the other 90 is provided by the benzos while they are in your system. Over time, your liver starts to produce an enzyme that helps it to rid your body of the poison faster, and thus you develop a tolerance, and need a bigger dose. If you don't get a bigger dose, you start eventually to go into withdrawal once it's out of your system. And this withdrawal is where the snake eats its own tail. The side effects of withdrawal from benzos include anxiety, fear, depression, mental fog, electric shocks in your brain as neurons misfire, and worse. Your mind at first can tell when what it feels is a legitimate reason to be anxious, vs something silly like sitting on the sofa and suddenly you are at 130BPM heart rate for no reason because your body just leapt into Fight or Flight mode for no reason. It's all chemicals, not real, but it feels 100% real, so does the depression. I never experienced depression before until 2015 when I withdrew from 8+ medications used to heal my GI system. I was having thoughts I would never have, ever. And I had to keep telling myself they werent real, just chemicals, and they'd clear up over time. So, benzos, they do this to you. They go in and tell your millions of GABA A receptors to chill, so they do. And then as your body learns to get rid of it faster, your GABA receptors are still chilling, so that 100 you were at that became 10, is now still 10 without the other 90 to fill in the gaps and make you feel normal. For many people, the withdrawal becomes confused with actual anxiety and can overwhelm you. You think are are having a panic attack or your anxiety is super high because you have anxiety disorder but in fact, it's chemicals fake signaling your body to act like it's got a high anxiety level when it really doesnt. When you get to this point, where you have to take Xanax every 4-5 hours every day all day, you think its anxiety when its actually the lack of the Gabapentin, Glutamate, Serotonin and a Fight or Flight response that sends blood to the areas needed to escape leaving your adrenal system in overload even though you are possibly just quietly watching your favorite comedy. You are not having anxiety, you are having withdrawal at this point. And, ironically, if you were able to stop completely by magic and heal all your Gaba receptors, you'd most likely feel LESS anxiety then you did when you started the drug in the first place. One thing you do NOT want to do is quit Cold Turkey aka CT. This can result in you having Grand Mail seizures, a stroke and death, depending on how much your dose is. Any doctor who takes you off them completely, run away, because they are actually dealing you a deadly hand and you can actually take legal action against them for it, as long as you are dependent and not abusing the drug. Abusers will find most places that drop you do so because you are abusing, and you'll end up buying it on the streets or stealing it or for it, or going to multiple pain management and doctor centers and lying toget your fix. Some people even have their kids and spouse get on the meds and then they take theirs too because their doctor wont let them go any higher in dosage. That is when you are truly addicted and should be very very concerned. So, the snake, benzos, eating its tail, withdrawal, ends up leaving you in this horrible circle where if you stop, you go into withdrawal and have even worse anxiety because your body isn't making all the good stuff it needs to help. And since these receptors are literally in every part of our bodies, you experience symptoms that range from joint and muscle pain, to brain fog, to electric shocks when you close your eyes (which feel like how you feel when you doze off on the sofa and your head falls forwards and you wake up and catch it, imagine being zapped when your head fell forward, that is what its like). This vicious circle does not stop, it actually gets worse if you dont take action to stop it. Your liver keeps getting better at ridding the drug from your system, thus you needing more, and the withdrawal gets worse, making you take more, and you eat your own tail. I have lived life in a state of perpetual eating of my tail for several years now. I've had full on withdrawal every night for several years, Ive had the brain shocks, the muscle and joint pain, and the severe anxiety attacks that cripple you to a point you actually get depressed and think death is the way out and it makes sense. All because your chemicals are out of whack and your mind is lying to you, its telling you what it wants and your body stops knowing which is real and which isn't. This is why many people who stop abruptly commit suicide or try, because their brains are chemically faking them out. And the feelings are so real, you know they are real even though they arent. The only way out of this trap is to taper off slowly at a pace that works for you. There are no quick detoxes, your millions of GABA receptors have to repair and rebuild, wake up and start getting production of Gabapentin and other things back near 100 again. And the worst part, when you finally are done and off the meds, you still can have PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) and have ups and downs and withdrawal for months or years after. I know no one wants to be reminded of hell, but if you take anything from this post, listen to this... being off these meds is hard, getting off them is hard, but you can do it and find another way to help. And you will find that once off, the anxiety you once felt is lessened or even gone. It's worth trying. Or you will live your entire life eating your own tail.

[diaenerys]

stupid personal venting post

ok im just venting cause i have nobody to talk to about this and all you porn blogs have always been real supportive. anyway

theres this guy i used to like (for like a lot of time) but we werent close and im a coward and ive never told anyone or tried to do anything. i dont see him anymore cause hes still in school and im not and like i said we werent close. i thought i got over it but it kinda comes and goes even though hes literally barely in my life just cause its always felt like this “one that got away” situation. idk like its not that deep but my crushes usually dont last that long and i always thought we would have been good together. i feel really stupid for still thinking about this because it really has no chance of happening (but im an optimistic daydreamer so you can be sure its very hard for me to let it go).

anyway my best friend has been talking to him for a long time now but she made it clear to everyone (including him) that it was completely platonic. she even panicked a while back cause she thought he wanted to be more. they kinda stopped talking for a while after that cause he denied it and it was awkward (i think he was lying though). to be fair she kind of had a boyfriend at the time and they dated for a while but it was casual and she broke up with him pretty recently (so it didnt really affect her much). she started talking to him again around that time, again completely platonically. recently though she started saying that she might want to be with him. shes the kind of person that shares everything, so she would have told me if she was thinking about it before.

for some reason im really bothered by this. i really shouldnt care but the thing is. i dont think she actually wants to do it, i just think shes bored and she wants some boy drama. shes known him for a really long time and not only did she never mention anything about liking him romantically, she always opposed to it. like if anyone said he qas cute or something shed disagree and like stuff like that that just made it obvious she doesnt see him that way. i know she likes him a lot as a person but this really did come out of the blue and shes not even sure about it.

i dont know if im jealous. i guess you could call it that. i just dont exactly know of what. i mean this sort of happened with another boyfriend of hers. i had a crush on him for a really long time before they started dating and then i forced myself to get over it. she didnt know obviously and we werent even friends really. besides that, shes really gorgeous and personality wise were similar in a lot of ways so i guess i always felt like she was the better version of me. or that that is at least how it looks like at first to other people cause when you really know us were quite different.

maybe its also cause ive ever had a boyfriend and boys dont really like me that much and for her it just comes so easily. its probably also the fact that if she does get with i really will have no chance at all cause it would be weird. i think thats whats really bothering me. i dont even still like him. i mean its this situation where i probably would if he was actually in my life but he isnt and so i dont really think about him that much, but my optimistic self just cant take the thought of that door closing completely.

also, she does know that i used to have a crush on him. i mean to be fair i mentioned it very casually and never really told her anything beyond that. like it was a while ago and i told her it was a long time ago and i didnt say it was serious. i mean it wasnt that serious. ok maybe it was. idk. idk if she even remembers that. but still i mean if i was in her place i would definitely be bothered by that. i cant talk to her about it cause its stupid and selfish although i did tell her that i thought i would be stupid. because i genuinely believe that, not because im jealous. i swear, i would never do that. i still try to be supportive like i didnt outright tell her (but i might actually be trying not to sound jealous). also i think he might like her and i dont think she truly likes him that way and i think its kind of mean to him. like it feels like shed be using him just cause he’s available. i told her that but shes the kind of person to not actually listen to advice and just end up doing what she wants. the thing is im not even that bothered by the thought of him liking her. its just all those other things i wrote about but im actually upset about it and i hate that. whatever. i need to get a new crush.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Is your home a better investment than the stock market?

Shares 169 Ill admit it: There are times that I think everything that needs to be said about personal finance has been said already, that all of the information is out there just waiting for people to find it. The problem is solved. Perhaps this is technically true, but now and then as this morning Im reminded that teaching people about money is a never-ending process. There arent a lot of new topics to write about, thats true (this is something that even famous professional financial journalists grouse about in private), but there are tons of new people to reach, people who have never been exposed to these ideas. And, more importantly, theres a constant stream of new misinformation polluting the pool of smart advice. (Sometimes this misinformation is well-meaning; sometimes its not.) Heres an example. This morning, I read a piece at Slate by Felix Salmon called The Millionaires Mortgage. Salmons argument is simple: Paying off your house is saving for retirement. Now, I dont necessarily disagree with this basic premise. I too believe that money you pay toward your mortgage principle is, in effect, money youve saved, just as if youd put it in the bank or invested in a mutual fund. Many financial advisers say the same thing: Money you put toward debt reduction is the same as money youve invested. (Obviously, theyre not exactly the same but theyre close enough.) So, yes, paying off your home is saving for retirement. Or, more precisely, its building your net worth. But aside from a sound basic premise, the rest of Salmons article boils down to bullshit.

Lying with Statistics Looking past the paying off your house is saving for retirement subtitle on his piece (a subtitle that was likely added by an editor, not by Salmon), we get to his actual thesis: Making mortgage payments can, in theory, be a way to accumulate wealth almost as effectively as contributing to a retirement fund. Im glad Salmon qualified this statement with in theory and almost because this is pure unadulterated bullshit. And its dangerous bullshit. Heres how this logic works: If you buy an urban house today for $315,000 (the average price) and it appreciates at 8 percent a year for the next 15 years, you will be living in a $1 million house by the time you pay off your 15-year mortgage, and you will own it free and clear. Which is to say: Youll be a millionaire. For this to be true, heres what has to happen.: Home prices in your area have to appreciate at an average of eight percent not just this year and next year, but for fifteen years.You have to take out a 15-year mortgage instead of a 30-year mortgage.You need to stay in that house (or continue to own it) for that entire fifteen years.Once youve become a millionaire homeowner, you now have to tap that equity for it to be of use. To do that, you have to sell your home, acquire a reverse mortgage, or otherwise creatively access the value locked in your home. The real problem here, of course, are the assumptions about real estate returns. Salmon spouts huckster-level nonsense: The 8 percent appreciation rate is aggressive, but not entirely unrealistic: Its lower than the 8.3 percent appreciation rate from 2011 through 2017, and also lower than the 9 percent appreciation rate from 1996 to 2007. Thats right. Salmon cites stats from 1996 to 2007, then 2011 to 2017 and completely leaves out 2008 to 2010. WTF? This as if I ran a marathon and told you that I averaged four minutes per milebut I was only counting the miles during which I was running downhill! Or I told you that Get Rich Slowly earned $5000 per monthbut I was only giving you the numbers from April. Or I logged my alcohol consumption for thirty days and told you I averaged three drinks per weekbut left out how much I drank on weekends. This isnt how statistics work! You dont get to cherry pick the data. You cant just say, Homes in some markets appreciated 9% annually from 1996 to 2007, then 8.3% annually from 2011 to 2017. Therefor, your home should increase in value an average of eight percent per year. What about the gap years? What about the period before the (very short) 22 years youre citing? What makes you think that the boom times for housing are going to continue? Long-Term Home Price Appreciation In May, I shared a brief history of U.S. homeownership. To write that article, I spent hours reading research papers and sorting through data. One key piece of that post was the info on U.S. housing prices. Let me share that info again. For 25 years, Yale economics professor Robert Shiller has tracked U.S. home prices. He monitors current prices, yes, but hes also researched historical prices. Hes gathered all of this info into a spreadsheet, which he updates regularly and makes freely available on his website. This graph of Shillers data (through January 2016) shows how housing prices have changed over time:

Shillers index is inflation-adjusted and based on sale prices of existing homes (not new construction). It uses 1890 as an arbitrary benchmark, which is assigned a value of 100. (To me, 110 looks like baseline normal. Maybe 1890 was a down year?) As you can see, home prices bounced around until the mid 1910s, at which point they dropped sharply. This decline was due largely to new mass-production techniques, which lowered the cost of building a home. (For thirty years, you could order your home from Sears!) Prices didnt recover until the conclusion of World War II and the coming of the G.I. Bill. From the 1950s until the mid-1990s, home prices hovered around 110 on the Shiller scale. For the past twenty years, the U.S. housing market has been a wild ride. We experienced an enormous bubble (and its aftermath) during the late 2000s. It looks very much like were at the front end of another bubble today. As of December 2017, home prices were at about 170 on the Shiller scale. (Personally, I believe that once interest rates begin to rise again, home prices will decline.) Heres the reality of residential real estate: Generally speaking, home values increase at roughly the same (or slightly more) than inflation. Ive noted in the past that gold provides a long-term real return of roughly 1%, meaning that it outpaces inflation by 1% over periods measured in decades. For myself, thats the figure I use for home values too. Crunching the Numbers Because Im a dedicated blogger (or dumb), I spent an hour building this chart for you folks. I took the afore-mentioned housing data from Robert Shillers spreadsheet and combined it with the inflation-adjusted closing value of the Dow Jones Industrial Average for each year since 1921. (I got the stock-market data here.) If youd like, you can click the graph to see a larger version.

Let me explain what youre seeing. First, I normalized everything to 1921. That means I set home values in 1921 to 100 and I set the closing Dow Jones Industrial Average to 100. From there, everything moves as normal relative to those values.Second, Im not sure why but Excel stacked the graphs. (Im not spreadsheet savvy enough to fix this.) They should both start at 100 in 1921, but instead the stock market graph starts at 200. This doesnt really make much of a difference to my point, but it bugs me. There are a few places 1932, 1947 where the line for home values should actually overtake the line for the stock market, but you cant tell that with the stacked graph. As the chart shows, the stock market has vastly outperformed the housing market over the long term. Theres no contest. The blue housing portion of my chart is equivalent to the line in Shillers chart (from 1921 on, obviously). Now, having said that, there are some things that I can see in my spreadsheet numbers that dont show up in this graph. Because Felix Salmon at Slate is using a 15-year window for his argument, I calculated 15-year changes for both home prices and stock prices. Ill admit that the results surprised me. Generally speaking, the stock market does provide better returns than homeownership. However, in 30 of the 82 fifteen-year periods since 1921, housing provided better returns. (And in 14 of 67 thirty-year periods, housing was the winner.) I didnt expect that. In each of these cases, housing outperformed stocks after a market crash. During any 15-year period starting in 1926 and ending in 1939 (except 1932), for instance, housing was the better bet. Same with 1958 to 1973. In other words, if you were to buy only when the market is declining, housing is probably the best bet if youre making a lump-sum investment and not contributing right along. Another thing the numbers show is that youre much less likely to suffer long-term declines with housing than with the stock market. Sure, there are occasional periods where home prices will drop over fifteen or thirty years, but generally homes gradually grow in value over time. The bottom line? I think its perfectly fair to call your home an investment, but its more like a store of value than a way to grow your wealth. And its nothing like investing in the U.S. stock market. For more on this subject, see Michael Bluejays excellent articles: Long-term real estate appreciation in the U.S. and Buying a home is an investment. Final Thoughts Honestly, I probably would have ignored Salmons article if it werent for the attacks he makes on saving for retirement. Take a look at this: If youre the kind of person who can max out your 401(k) every year for 30 or 40 years straight disciplined, frugal, and apparently immune to misfortune then, well, congratulations on your great good luck, and I hope youre at least a little bit embarrassed at how much of a tax break youre getting compared to people who need government support much more than you do. Holy cats! Salmon has just equated the discipline and frugality that readers like you exhibit with good luck, and simultaneously argued that you should be embarrassed for preparing for your future. He wants you to feel guilty because youre being proactive to prepare for retirement. Instead of doing that, he wants you to buy into his bullshit millionaires mortgage plan. This crosses the line from marginal advice to outright stupidity. Theres an ongoing discussion in the Early Retirement community about whether or not you should include home equity when calculating how much youve saved for retirement. There are those who argue absolutely not, you should never consider home equity. (A few of these folks dont even include home equity when computing their net worth, but that fundamentally misses the point of what net worth is.) I come down on the other side. I think its fine good, even to include home equity when making retirement calculations. But when you do, you need to be aware that the money you have in your home is only accessible if you sell or use the home as collateral on a loan. Regardless, Ive never heard anyone in the community argue that you ought to use your home as your primary source of retirement saving instead of investing in mutual funds and/or rental rental properties. You know why? Because its a bad idea! Shares 169 https://www.getrichslowly.org/home-investment/

[themoneybuff-blog]

Is your home a better investment than the stock market?

Shares 169 Ill admit it: There are times that I think everything that needs to be said about personal finance has been said already, that all of the information is out there just waiting for people to find it. The problem is solved. Perhaps this is technically true, but now and then as this morning Im reminded that teaching people about money is a never-ending process. There arent a lot of new topics to write about, thats true (this is something that even famous professional financial journalists grouse about in private), but there are tons of new people to reach, people who have never been exposed to these ideas. And, more importantly, theres a constant stream of new misinformation polluting the pool of smart advice. (Sometimes this misinformation is well-meaning; sometimes its not.) Heres an example. This morning, I read a piece at Slate by Felix Salmon called The Millionaires Mortgage. Salmons argument is simple: Paying off your house is saving for retirement. Now, I dont necessarily disagree with this basic premise. I too believe that money you pay toward your mortgage principle is, in effect, money youve saved, just as if youd put it in the bank or invested in a mutual fund. Many financial advisers say the same thing: Money you put toward debt reduction is the same as money youve invested. (Obviously, theyre not exactly the same but theyre close enough.) So, yes, paying off your home is saving for retirement. Or, more precisely, its building your net worth. But aside from a sound basic premise, the rest of Salmons article boils down to bullshit.

Lying with Statistics Looking past the paying off your house is saving for retirement subtitle on his piece (a subtitle that was likely added by an editor, not by Salmon), we get to his actual thesis: Making mortgage payments can, in theory, be a way to accumulate wealth almost as effectively as contributing to a retirement fund. Im glad Salmon qualified this statement with in theory and almost because this is pure unadulterated bullshit. And its dangerous bullshit. Heres how this logic works: If you buy an urban house today for $315,000 (the average price) and it appreciates at 8 percent a year for the next 15 years, you will be living in a $1 million house by the time you pay off your 15-year mortgage, and you will own it free and clear. Which is to say: Youll be a millionaire. For this to be true, heres what has to happen.: Home prices in your area have to appreciate at an average of eight percent not just this year and next year, but for fifteen years.You have to take out a 15-year mortgage instead of a 30-year mortgage.You need to stay in that house (or continue to own it) for that entire fifteen years.Once youve become a millionaire homeowner, you now have to tap that equity for it to be of use. To do that, you have to sell your home, acquire a reverse mortgage, or otherwise creatively access the value locked in your home. The real problem here, of course, are the assumptions about real estate returns. Salmon spouts huckster-level nonsense: The 8 percent appreciation rate is aggressive, but not entirely unrealistic: Its lower than the 8.3 percent appreciation rate from 2011 through 2017, and also lower than the 9 percent appreciation rate from 1996 to 2007. Thats right. Salmon cites stats from 1996 to 2007, then 2011 to 2017 and completely leaves out 2008 to 2010. WTF? This as if I ran a marathon and told you that I averaged four minutes per milebut I was only counting the miles during which I was running downhill! Or I told you that Get Rich Slowly earned $5000 per monthbut I was only giving you the numbers from April. Or I logged my alcohol consumption for thirty days and told you I averaged three drinks per weekbut left out how much I drank on weekends. This isnt how statistics work! You dont get to cherry pick the data. You cant just say, Homes in some markets appreciated 9% annually from 1996 to 2007, then 8.3% annually from 2011 to 2017. Therefor, your home should increase in value an average of eight percent per year. What about the gap years? What about the period before the (very short) 22 years youre citing? What makes you think that the boom times for housing are going to continue? Long-Term Home Price Appreciation In May, I shared a brief history of U.S. homeownership. To write that article, I spent hours reading research papers and sorting through data. One key piece of that post was the info on U.S. housing prices. Let me share that info again. For 25 years, Yale economics professor Robert Shiller has tracked U.S. home prices. He monitors current prices, yes, but hes also researched historical prices. Hes gathered all of this info into a spreadsheet, which he updates regularly and makes freely available on his website. This graph of Shillers data (through January 2016) shows how housing prices have changed over time:

Shillers index is inflation-adjusted and based on sale prices of existing homes (not new construction). It uses 1890 as an arbitrary benchmark, which is assigned a value of 100. (To me, 110 looks like baseline normal. Maybe 1890 was a down year?) As you can see, home prices bounced around until the mid 1910s, at which point they dropped sharply. This decline was due largely to new mass-production techniques, which lowered the cost of building a home. (For thirty years, you could order your home from Sears!) Prices didnt recover until the conclusion of World War II and the coming of the G.I. Bill. From the 1950s until the mid-1990s, home prices hovered around 110 on the Shiller scale. For the past twenty years, the U.S. housing market has been a wild ride. We experienced an enormous bubble (and its aftermath) during the late 2000s. It looks very much like were at the front end of another bubble today. As of December 2017, home prices were at about 170 on the Shiller scale. (Personally, I believe that once interest rates begin to rise again, home prices will decline.) Heres the reality of residential real estate: Generally speaking, home values increase at roughly the same (or slightly more) than inflation. Ive noted in the past that gold provides a long-term real return of roughly 1%, meaning that it outpaces inflation by 1% over periods measured in decades. For myself, thats the figure I use for home values too. Crunching the Numbers Because Im a dedicated blogger (or dumb), I spent an hour building this chart for you folks. I took the afore-mentioned housing data from Robert Shillers spreadsheet and combined it with the inflation-adjusted closing value of the Dow Jones Industrial Average for each year since 1921. (I got the stock-market data here.) If youd like, you can click the graph to see a larger version.

Let me explain what youre seeing. First, I normalized everything to 1921. That means I set home values in 1921 to 100 and I set the closing Dow Jones Industrial Average to 100. From there, everything moves as normal relative to those values.Second, Im not sure why but Excel stacked the graphs. (Im not spreadsheet savvy enough to fix this.) They should both start at 100 in 1921, but instead the stock market graph starts at 200. This doesnt really make much of a difference to my point, but it bugs me. There are a few places 1932, 1947 where the line for home values should actually overtake the line for the stock market, but you cant tell that with the stacked graph. As the chart shows, the stock market has vastly outperformed the housing market over the long term. Theres no contest. The blue housing portion of my chart is equivalent to the line in Shillers chart (from 1921 on, obviously). Now, having said that, there are some things that I can see in my spreadsheet numbers that dont show up in this graph. Because Felix Salmon at Slate is using a 15-year window for his argument, I calculated 15-year changes for both home prices and stock prices. Ill admit that the results surprised me. Generally speaking, the stock market does provide better returns than homeownership. However, in 30 of the 82 fifteen-year periods since 1921, housing provided better returns. (And in 14 of 67 thirty-year periods, housing was the winner.) I didnt expect that. In each of these cases, housing outperformed stocks after a market crash. During any 15-year period starting in 1926 and ending in 1939 (except 1932), for instance, housing was the better bet. Same with 1958 to 1973. In other words, if you were to buy only when the market is declining, housing is probably the best bet if youre making a lump-sum investment and not contributing right along. Another thing the numbers show is that youre much less likely to suffer long-term declines with housing than with the stock market. Sure, there are occasional periods where home prices will drop over fifteen or thirty years, but generally homes gradually grow in value over time. The bottom line? I think its perfectly fair to call your home an investment, but its more like a store of value than a way to grow your wealth. And its nothing like investing in the U.S. stock market. For more on this subject, see Michael Bluejays excellent articles: Long-term real estate appreciation in the U.S. and Buying a home is an investment. Final Thoughts Honestly, I probably would have ignored Salmons article if it werent for the attacks he makes on saving for retirement. Take a look at this: If youre the kind of person who can max out your 401(k) every year for 30 or 40 years straight disciplined, frugal, and apparently immune to misfortune then, well, congratulations on your great good luck, and I hope youre at least a little bit embarrassed at how much of a tax break youre getting compared to people who need government support much more than you do. Holy cats! Salmon has just equated the discipline and frugality that readers like you exhibit with good luck, and simultaneously argued that you should be embarrassed for preparing for your future. He wants you to feel guilty because youre being proactive to prepare for retirement. Instead of doing that, he wants you to buy into his bullshit millionaires mortgage plan. This crosses the line from marginal advice to outright stupidity. Theres an ongoing discussion in the Early Retirement community about whether or not you should include home equity when calculating how much youve saved for retirement. There are those who argue absolutely not, you should never consider home equity. (A few of these folks dont even include home equity when computing their net worth, but that fundamentally misses the point of what net worth is.) I come down on the other side. I think its fine good, even to include home equity when making retirement calculations. But when you do, you need to be aware that the money you have in your home is only accessible if you sell or use the home as collateral on a loan. Regardless, Ive never heard anyone in the community argue that you ought to use your home as your primary source of retirement saving instead of investing in mutual funds and/or rental rental properties. You know why? Because its a bad idea! Shares 169 https://www.getrichslowly.org/home-investment/

[themoneybuff-blog]

Is your home a better investment than the stock market?

Ill admit it: There are times that I think everything that needs to be said about personal finance has been said already, that all of the information is out there just waiting for people to find it. The problem is solved. Perhaps this is technically true, but now and then as this morning Im reminded that teaching people about money is a never-ending process. There arent a lot of new topics to write about, thats true (this is something that even famous professional financial journalists grouse about in private), but there are tons of new people to reach, people who have never been exposed to these ideas. And, more importantly, theres a constant stream of new misinformation polluting the pool of smart advice. (Sometimes this misinformation is well-meaning; sometimes its not.) Heres an example. This morning, I read a piece at Slate by Felix Salmon called The Millionaires Mortgage. Salmons argument is simple: Paying off your house is saving for retirement. Now, I dont necessarily disagree with this basic premise. I too believe that money you pay toward your mortgage principle is, in effect, money youve saved, just as if youd put it in the bank or invested in a mutual fund. Many financial advisers say the same thing: Money you put toward debt reduction is the same as money youve invested. (Obviously, theyre not exactly the same but theyre close enough.) So, yes, paying off your home is saving for retirement. Or, more precisely, its building your net worth. But aside from a sound basic premise, the rest of Salmons article boils down to bullshit.

Lying with Statistics Looking past the paying off your house is saving for retirement subtitle on his piece (a subtitle that was likely added by an editor, not by Salmon), we get to his actual thesis: Making mortgage payments can, in theory, be a way to accumulate wealth almost as effectively as contributing to a retirement fund. Im glad Salmon qualified this statement with in theory and almost because this is pure unadulterated bullshit. And its dangerous bullshit. Heres how this logic works: If you buy an urban house today for $315,000 (the average price) and it appreciates at 8 percent a year for the next 15 years, you will be living in a $1 million house by the time you pay off your 15-year mortgage, and you will own it free and clear. Which is to say: Youll be a millionaire. For this to be true, heres what has to happen.: Home prices in your area have to appreciate at an average of eight percent not just this year and next year, but for fifteen years.You have to take out a 15-year mortgage instead of a 30-year mortgage.You need to stay in that house (or continue to own it) for that entire fifteen years.Once youve become a millionaire homeowner, you now have to tap that equity for it to be of use. To do that, you have to sell your home, acquire a reverse mortgage, or otherwise creatively access the value locked in your home. The real problem here, of course, are the assumptions about real estate returns. Salmon spouts huckster-level nonsense: The 8 percent appreciation rate is aggressive, but not entirely unrealistic: Its lower than the 8.3 percent appreciation rate from 2011 through 2017, and also lower than the 9 percent appreciation rate from 1996 to 2007. Thats right. Salmon cites stats from 1996 to 2007, then 2011 to 2017 and completely leaves out 2008 to 2010. WTF? This as if I ran a marathon and told you that I averaged four minutes per milebut I was only counting the miles during which I was running downhill! Or I told you that Get Rich Slowly earned $5000 per monthbut I was only giving you the numbers from April. Or I logged my alcohol consumption for thirty days and told you I averaged three drinks per weekbut left out how much I drank on weekends. This isnt how statistics work! You dont get to cherry pick the data. You cant just say, Homes in some markets appreciated 9% annually from 1996 to 2007, then 8.3% annually from 2011 to 2017. Therefor, your home should increase in value an average of eight percent per year. What about the gap years? What about the period before the (very short) 22 years youre citing? What makes you think that the boom times for housing are going to continue? Long-Term Home Price Appreciation In May, I shared a brief history of U.S. homeownership. To write that article, I spent hours reading research papers and sorting through data. One key piece of that post was the info on U.S. housing prices. Let me share that info again. For 25 years, Yale economics professor Robert Shiller has tracked U.S. home prices. He monitors current prices, yes, but hes also researched historical prices. Hes gathered all of this info into a spreadsheet, which he updates regularly and makes freely available on his website. This graph of Shillers data (through January 2016) shows how housing prices have changed over time:

Shillers index is inflation-adjusted and based on sale prices of existing homes (not new construction). It uses 1890 as an arbitrary benchmark, which is assigned a value of 100. (To me, 110 looks like baseline normal. Maybe 1890 was a down year?) As you can see, home prices bounced around until the mid 1910s, at which point they dropped sharply. This decline was due largely to new mass-production techniques, which lowered the cost of building a home. (For thirty years, you could order your home from Sears!) Prices didnt recover until the conclusion of World War II and the coming of the G.I. Bill. From the 1950s until the mid-1990s, home prices hovered around 110 on the Shiller scale. For the past twenty years, the U.S. housing market has been a wild ride. We experienced an enormous bubble (and its aftermath) during the late 2000s. It looks very much like were at the front end of another bubble today. As of December 2017, home prices were at about 170 on the Shiller scale. (Personally, I believe that once interest rates begin to rise again, home prices will decline.) Heres the reality of residential real estate: Generally speaking, home values increase at roughly the same (or slightly more) than inflation. Ive noted in the past that gold provides a long-term real return of roughly 1%, meaning that it outpaces inflation by 1% over periods measured in decades. For myself, thats the figure I use for home values too. Crunching the Numbers Because Im a dedicated blogger (or dumb), I spent an hour building this chart for you folks. I took the afore-mentioned housing data from Robert Shillers spreadsheet and combined it with the inflation-adjusted closing value of the Down Jones Industrial Average for each year since 1921. (I got the stock-market data here.) If youd like, you can click the graph to see a larger version.

Let me explain what youre seeing. First, I normalized everything to 1921. That means I set home values in 1921 to 100 and I set the closing Down Jones Industrial Average to 100. From there, everything moves as normal relative to those values.Second, Im not sure why but Excel stacked the graphs. (Im not spreadsheet savvy enough to fix this.) They should both start at 100 in 1921, but instead the stock market graph starts at 200. This doesnt really make much of a difference to my point, but it bugs me. There are a few places 1932, 1947 where the line for home values should actually overtake the line for the stock market, but you cant tell that with the stacked graph. As the chart shows, the stock market has vastly outperformed the housing market over the long term. Theres no contest. The blue housing portion of my chart is equivalent to the line in Shillers chart (from 1921 on, obviously). Now, having said that, there are some things that I can see in my spreadsheet numbers that dont show up in this graph. Because Felix Salmon at Slate is using a 15-year window for his argument, I calculated 15-year changes for both home prices and stock prices. Ill admit that the results surprised me. Generally speaking, the stock market does provide better returns than homeownership. However, in 30 of the 82 fifteen-year periods since 1921, housing provided better returns. (And in 14 of 67 thirty-year periods, housing was the winner.) I didnt expect that. In each of these cases, housing outperformed stocks after a market crash. During any 15-year period starting in 1926 and ending in 1939 (except 1932), for instance, housing was the better bet. Same with 1958 to 1973. In other words, if you were to buy only when the market is declining, housing is probably the best bet if youre making a lump-sum investment and not contributing right along. Another thing the numbers show is that youre much less likely to suffer long-term declines with housing than with the stock market. Sure, there are occasional periods where home prices will drop over fifteen or thirty years, but generally homes gradually grow in value over time. The bottom line? I think its perfectly fair to call your home an investment, but its more like a store of value than a way to grow your wealth. And its nothing like investing in the U.S. stock market. For more on this subject, see Michael Bluejays excellent articles: Long-term real estate appreciation in the U.S. and Buying a home is an investment. Final Thoughts Honestly, I probably would have ignored Salmons article if it werent for the attacks he makes on saving for retirement. Take a look at this: If youre the kind of person who can max out your 401(k) every year for 30 or 40 years straight disciplined, frugal, and apparently immune to misfortune then, well, congratulations on your great good luck, and I hope youre at least a little bit embarrassed at how much of a tax break youre getting compared to people who need government support much more than you do. Holy cats! Salmon has just equated the discipline and frugality that readers like you exhibit with good luck, and simultaneously argued that you should be embarrassed for preparing for your future. He wants you to feel guilty because youre being proactive to prepare for retirement. Instead of doing that, he wants you to buy into his bullshit millionaires mortgage plan. This crosses the line from marginal advice to outright stupidity. Theres an ongoing discussion in the Early Retirement community about whether or not you should include home equity when calculating how much youve saved for retirement. There are those who argue absolutely not, you should never consider home equity. (A few of these folks dont even include home equity when computing their net worth, but that fundamentally misses the point of what net worth is.) I come down on the other side. I think its fine good, even to include home equity when making retirement calculations. But when you do, you need to be aware that the money you have in your home is only accessible if you sell or use the home as collateral on a loan. Regardless, Ive never heard anyone in the community argue that you ought to use your home as your primary source of retirement saving instead of investing in mutual funds and/or rental rental properties. You know why? Because its a bad idea! https://www.getrichslowly.org/home-investment/