#it prob SHOULDN'T bother me as much

[the-kr8tor]

lavender + ❣️ with Jason todd where they are at the manor after being out ( prob shopping or smth) and he confesses his love bc a bunch of guys were asking for readers number but she turned them all down and he wanted to be hers and was tired of guys bothering his (soon to be) girl. Hopefully this makes sense lol but you totally don't have to do this. I love you and hope you have an amazing week!! 😘😘

Yay a Jason req! Thank you for being patient! I hope you like your potion 🩷

Pairing: Jason Todd x fem! Reader/ Red Hood x fem! Reader

Word count: 1.7k

Tags: No use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, CW food mention, Best friends to lovers, Fluff

Katy's one year celebration 🎉

Jason has been uncharacteristically quiet the entire drive to the manor. He doesn't even tap his fingers to the rhythm of the radio playing a cheesy pop song that he keeps telling you that he doesn't like. With one hand he steers the wheel while his elbow rests on the window sill. It's a cool afternoon in Gotham, orange and pink hues shifting along the clouds, the road is still wet from the downpour a few hours ago. His drenched jacket that he used to shield you both from the rain hangs over the backseat.

You watch him with pensive eyes, wracking your brain as to why he's so quiet when he was such a chatterbox back when he was driving to the grocery store. You've almost forgotten what he was talking about, mind reeling from the conclusion that you might've done something to agitate your best friend. Maybe you shouldn't have volunteered to go on a grocery run when Alfred asked, especially that you and Jason planned to hang out at your place. Biting the inside of your cheek, you try to remember what happened at the store to warrant such a stifling silence from Jason— Well, he opened the door for you while he was talking about that new book he was so excited to read. Then he grabbed a cart, pushed it while you had your hand on the end, guiding him, and all the while you two kept chattering on the aisle, taking stuff that was on Alfred's list. And then that was it. Nothing special happened, well except for that one guy with a nice smile who asked you where the cereal was. And that one dude who helped you take the can of beans from the highest shelf while Jason was weighing the blueberries.

You must've looked quite agitated or even constipated because it's now Jason's turn to worry.

“Are you okay? You look like you need to take a shit.” He glances briefly to you, green eyes hiding an emotion you're still trying to ascertain.

“Am I okay? Jay, you're the one who's been silent the entire way.” He enters the manor's gates, shrugging at your words. “We can still hang out at my place after this. I'm sorry we wasted an afternoon buying Damian's sweets.”

There's a small smile on his lips, “that kid eats too much sugar.” Clicking his seatbelt off, he opens the door with a groan, you surmise that his healing knee is still bothering him.

You sigh, getting more anxious at his dodging. Before you could open the door for yourself, you find Jason outside of your door, opening it for you. “C’mon, Jay, talk to me.” Tugging at the hem of his shirt, you smile up at him. “Is it because I ate the donut you left in my fridge?”

Jason furrows his brows, lips pursed, trying not to laugh. “That was yours, babe, I left it for you.”

You blink, hand drifting away from his shirt. He already misses your hold on him. “Oh, thanks.”

“You and Dami share a sweet tooth, so I got it for you.” He leans down, arm placed atop the car, eyes soft and tender. “But thank you for confessing your sins.”

You can't help but ogle at how he looks from below. “...yeah, sure, Jay.” You say in a small tone. It's not the nickname that has you all giddy inside, you're used to his sweet nicknames that he has bestowed upon you. No, it's the thought that he left you a treat because he knows how much you love that triple chocolate donut that has you bouncing off the walls after eating it.

So it's not the donut, then why the hell does he have a stick up his finely toned ass?

Jason leaves your side, the cologne you bought him lingering around you. He opens the trunk, carrying every single plastic bag with both hands. You finally stand up after being weak in the knees after the simple look he gave you. Walking towards him to help, he's already halfway inside the mansion before you could grab a few bags from him. Knowing him, it's all effortless. Well, at least he left you one tiny bag that only contains two boxes of cereal— one regular wheat and one that has your tooth rotting just from looking at the bright colors. With a sigh, you grab it and follow him inside and towards the kitchen.

The plastic bags rustle as he takes out all the groceries. It's filled with fresh vegetables, fruits, sugar and all the food that a vigilante needs for patrol. You put your singular bag on the counter next to the others, helping him take out the rest while he still stands there all quiet and broody. In the low light of the kitchen you can clearly see that Bruce has definitely made a big influence on him.

You put your foot down, knees up on the stool to level with him, hands placed on the cold marble countertop as he raises a curious brow at you. “What's up, Jay?”

“What's up?” He mimics your tone. “Nothing, babe, just taking out the groceries.” You take the can of beans from his hand and then you place it loudly on the counter while you take a stance against the red hood who makes goons cower in fear just from his stare. “You really want to know?”

“Yes!” You exclaim, reaching over the counter to grab his hand. Wordlessly telling him that you're there for him whatever kind of problem has plagued him recently.

Jason watches as your fingers dance along his scarred palm, kneading his muscles just like you always do whenever he drops in your apartment after a tough patrol. He was so sure that he had gathered enough courage to tell you, but now that you have your hands around his own, all his bravery is down the drain.

He sucks in his teeth, leaning down, elbows atop the counter, green eyes staring anywhere near your eyes, and then he places a quick kiss along your knuckles. Warmth soothing you, almost making you forget what you were asking for.

Defeated, you cup his jaw, thumb running along his growing stubble, fingers reaching behind his ear to rub lovingly across his nape. “Okay, it's okay if you don't want to tell me. But I'll be here if you want to tell me.” You smile when he leans against your touch, eyes looking at you with such fondness that you almost melt on the spot.

Jason rationalizes his thoughts, the same thoughts that have plagued him for years, the same thoughts that he has dreamed of telling you. “It’s not the donut.”

“Of course it's not the donut.” You chuckle, fingers still tangled in his hair.

“And it's not because of the trip to the grocery store.” His eyes flick over to yours, smiling softly at how you look back at him with the same fondness. “I liked our trip, I kept imagining that we were buying stuff for our place.”

“Do you want more hangouts like that then? You can join me in going to my laundry place. We can watch the clothes tumble and dry like a couple of old people.” Your waist is cold against the counter, but you don't mind as long as he's there with you. “How's that sound?”

“Sounds great. I'll bring the spare change.” You chuckle, after a beat, you thought that was the end of it, but Jason looks like he still wants to say something else— so you stay rooted in place. “But that's not the reason.”

“Okay,” you nod, encouraging him to continue. He gives you his other hand to hold, fingers beckoning your touch. You indulge him, leaving his hair to hold his hand.

“It's that fucking guy.” He blurts out. “Guys.” He corrects himself.

“What guys?”

“The ones who were asking for your number.”

You blink, trying to recall. “I don't remember that.”

“Come on, Y/N.” He squeezes your hands as if that will help you remember them. “The tall blonde guy and the one with the uncanny smile. Just thinking about that grin gives me the creeps.”

“Oh,” you know Jason enough to actually know what he means. “Yeah, I actually remember now. What about them?”

He scoffs, acting like you caught his hand in the cookie jar. “They were bothering you is all. I was just worried for you.”

You nod, hands sliding from his own. For a moment, Jason thinks you're about to go off on him, telling him that you can handle yourself or that you can give your number to whoever the hell you want to. Because who is he to tell you who to date? It's not like you're together, right? But is it wrong that he wants to?

His thoughts get thrown out of the window when you hold his face, soft palms against his rough skin, thumb tracing along the scar on his cheek. It's all affectionate, loving, and it has Jason's heart pumping a thousand times per second.

You smile, head tilting, staring at how his eyes glow under the kitchen lights. It's mundane, but you love him like this, just like how you love him in any way shape or form. You love your best friend. “You're an idiot, Jason Todd.” Your smile gets bigger, he frowns, fearing the worst. “You know that I'm in love with you, right?”

Jason's worried eyes light up, not a trace of his worries, just you in his vision, bathed in the light of his home. “Now I do.” He chuckles, mirroring your position, holding your face in his hands, gentle, like how you'd hold a delicate feather. Placing his forehead atop yours, he says the three words back. “I love you. I'm sorry it took this long.”

Jason leans away, eyes staring at your lips before watching your heart shaped eyes look at him. “That's my girl.” Tilting his head back, you chase his lips, grabbing his collar to do what you've always wanted to do.

“I don't blame you, it took me a while too.” You sniff, refusing to let the tears escape you. “By the way, I never gave them my number.”

[kimbapisnotsushi]

hi! please share your headcanons about jay. thanks!

ooooooooh sure thing let's get it!!

(also please keep in mind that soke was literally my first time dipping back into dc after a LONG while, so i have a bit of catch-up to do in terms of characters and stories, and thus some of my knowledge might be outdated!!! also i love jay but i do consider myself still very new to understanding him and thus most of these will be silly fun :333)

damian makes fun of him for that all-black ninja-esque stealth suit he wore to sneak into star labs because there was literally NO POINT in jay trying to disguise himself like that when he didn't bother covering up his BRIGHT FUCKING PINK hair

yes i'm still mad about yes i would like to know his thought process

is it natural btw??? i've seen different takes around where people think it's dyed bc of his other version in aos:jk, but i feel like that's pretty unlikely considering it was shaved all the way down when he got taken prisoner and experimented on and it grew back exactly like that

for the record i'm not a hater i'm just saying 1) it made him a walking beacon and 2) it being natural is so fucking funny to me since he clearly didn't inherit it from his mom, which begs the question:

who the fuck is jay's dad

while jay does care for all of the revolutionaries as their ally and everyone at the truth as their boss, and as an overall friend, i think that wink and the aerie are especially close to him and they consider each other family. they were pretty much the closest thing to adult supervision jay had for a while, and he relied on them a lot when he was settling down in metropolis and figuring out how to live alone

this meant that he called them for stupid things like "if something explodes in your microwave do you call the fire department", and not-stupid things like "help me open a bank account because metropolis bank has laws that won't let me do it by myself as a minor"

they were also the first people he came out to

jay loves them even if they CAN be really annoying

jay: "are you—are you guys ACTUALLY planning on shovel-talking superman" wink: "technically, he's superman's son" the aerie: "and if he's late to the coffee shop, i'm taking points off"

i think jay would get along with tim actually

the dude is an underground hacktivist refugee, investigative journalist, and a former president's son. he's probably used to always looking over his shoulder, ready to be jumped at a moment's notice. he's got a plan for everything but the plans only exist inside his head because he can't risk hard copies being found or digital ones being hacked. he's memorized them all. they're either alphabetized or mentally color-coded. we're talking levels of elaborate just-in-case getaways and meticulously planned investigations that would get a normal reporter killed if they asked the wrong question. it's dedication to a terrifying degree

yeah tim would definitely rock with him

jay has this neat little trick where if he's in a situation in which someone's poisoned his food and he has to eat it/can't let them know he knows, he just partially phases his organs so that the food falls through his body a little bit at a time and never enters his digestive system

jon is HORRIFIED when he finds out. damian is really fucking impressed

does gamorra have its own language???? i feel like jay would be fluent in it if so. of course he would be. he'd do anything to keep part of home as close to his chest as possible

oh that's another thing i'll probs mess up on btw i am legit so confused on gamorra considering it's apparently in asia and i would assume has its own distinct culture? but jay's surname is japanese and that random kid on the boat has a japanese name so are they like. japanese-adjacent??? or is gamorra made up of multiple asian identities blended into one (read tags for clarification)

i should probably read absolute power shouldn't i

okay sorry that got WAY off topic but yeah jay is definitely someone who loved his home despite not being able to go back and did everything he could to maintain his ties

ALSO can we talk about jay being a student at metropolis college at seventeen???? did he skip a year of school when he got to the u.s.??? did he lie on forms or something??

like i don't think he's taking extra credit classes as a high school student because he was also advertising the media department when we saw him, and i don't think he'd be doing that if he was in high school

jon makes sense because he had a fake identity which COULD put him in college. but jay???

honestly lying on paper is such a jay nakamura thing to do if he doesn't want people tracking him down by cross-referencing his birthday with government records

jay nakamura's number-one tip of running an anonymous underground activist stream: hide all identifiable information from the government

(this does not work when you are widely recognized as superman's boyfriend)

also now that dick is backing the truth can we PLEASE get tim in on it. i think it'd be so fucking funny. i think he and jay would have a grand old time breaking into firewalls and digging through internet archives and exposing corrupt people

tim is like "FINALLY i have something fun to do at all those fucking galas bruce makes me go to" because jay needs some rich guy's vacation itinerary so he knows the prime time to break into his house and gather evidence for something

i just have so much appreciation for jay nakamura you guys i love him so much

[oikasugayama]

saw your post and here :)

ig either hcs or a Drabble would work but how abt Dazai with a s/o who owns a dog and how he would react since he hates dogs. Maybe he would warm up to that dog :)

(he probs wouldn’t ever admit it if he did)

-🌸 anon

omg i was just looking at my dog thinking i wanted him to be in something bc he's so sweet and cheers me up sdfkjsgjs

headcanons: Dazai w a girlfriend who has a small dog!!

Dazai would be so annoyed to find out someone he was dating had a dog. He'd immediately think of something large and in your face and smelly and loud, but when he meets his partner's dog and it's just this little bitty thing that sits there and looks at him and sniffs him for a second before turning back to its owner, he's a little surprised!!

he watches his girlfriend pick the small dog up and hug it and carry it into the kitchen to give it some food and water, and the dog's tail is just wagging and it's chilling in her arms until she puts it down, then it does its own thing while dazai gets his gf's attention again.

when they're hanging out on the couch and the dog walks into the room, dazai is afraid it's gonna start barking at him or trying to sit on him or something, but it picks up a little toy and starts playing and rolling around, and he hates that it looks cute, it's very similar to a cat given how small it is and how it tosses its toy up in the air and plays with it

then it runs over and struggles to hop up onto the couch which gives dazai the ick, but she just coos and picks the dog up and it settles itself on the couch tucked against her leg and she pets it idly while chatting with dazai about the movie theyre watching

eventually it will get curious and climb across her lap to sniff dazai some more, and when he looks at it and says "what does it want?" it wags its tail just bc it's excited that he talked.

"he wants to say hi to you" you coo, holding your dog up on his back legs so it can get a better look at dazai's face. dazai gives it a weird look but knows he shouldn't be mean, so he holds one finger out to the dog, and the dog sniffs it and wags his tail.

"it didn't lick me."

"he doesn't really do that."

"i thought that was like... a thing that dogs do."

"not mine. he's just my little friend."

she hugs the dog and it wiggles around and growls just a little and squirms out of her arms and jumps down onto the ground and he's playing with his toy all hyper again.

"that not a dog" dazai says after watching it for a while.

"huh? yes it is."

"no dogs are awful. but that's... it's fine."

"aww, do you like him :D <3 do you wanna pet him <3<3<3?????"

"no -.-"

dazai absolutely does warm up to the dog after seeing it a few times but he does still dislike every other dog and sometimes has days where he doesnt want to go to his gf's place bc he doesnt want to get dog hair all over him.

he likes the dog mostly bc he can see how much his gf loves it and how much it loves her, the two of them are basically inseparable when they're at home so it doesn't actually bother him or beg for his attention and he never has to take care of it.

he'll pet it and even once sneaks it a treat but only when his gf isn't in the room <3

Bonus: my small dog and my old lady cat 🧡

[strawbubbysugar]

So uuuuuhh I was daydreaming in class today and I was imagining a scenario with Arche, so I'm curious about how this hypothetical in a different timeline/universe would play out! This is in the context of Elio still being on the front lines and the arrangement going as it's supposed to. Also this scenario would probs be years before the wedding, if that makes a difference. Here's the scene:

~~~

Arche's betrothed (not necessarily Dahmia, unless her personality is different in this world, up to you!) goes to Arche's tower and knocks on the door.

"Enter." Arche's voice is as grumpy as it usually is.

They enter the tower, closing the door behind them and standing in the middle of the room, holding themself for comfort.

"What is it?" Arche asks in a somewhat blunt manner, raising an eyebrow.

"I...I wanted to ask you something." They say quietly, not looking at him.

"Go on, then. Out with it," Arche says impatiently.

"Is...is it possible for me to somehow transfer my soul into a body built similar to yours? Perhaps...after the wedding?"

Arche's eyes widen, brows furrowed. "What-"

"We're stuck in this arrangement," They interrupt him. "Whether we like it or not. And..." Their eyes fall to the floor as they try not to get emotional.

"I don't want you to feel disgusted whenever you're around me."

Arche's face falls slightly as they continue, but he keeps his expression as neutral as he can.

"You're right," His betrothed chuckles emptily, almost embarrassed. "Humans are gross. We get sick, we have bodily fluids, weird smells, whatever. You were right as a child, and you're right now. I remember all of those times you made comments about my 'gross human stuff'."

They finally lift their eyes to meet Arche's gaze, their eyes slightly watering. "I don't want you to have to deal with that for the rest of your days. Hell, I don't want to deal with it either."

They take a step towards Arche, their face contorting to one of slight worry and sadness. "When we wake up in bed together, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable being close to me. When we have to kiss in front of everyone, I don't want you to have the feeling of wanting to jump out of the window in disgust. When we work together as rulers, I don't want you to keep your distance from me because you don't want to be around a 'filthy human'."

Arche thinks back to all of the times he made comments about humans being gross or disgusting when they both were young kids. He realizes now it's all manifesting into this very moment, and he's not sure what to say.

"Arche," They step a little closer, but give him fair space. "I know you hate this arrangement. I know you don't like me very much. I can handle that, honestly. Despite caring deeply for you, I can handle you not reciprocating that. But the thought of you being disgusted every moment you're close with me..." They shake their head, as if doing so would somehow rid them of the anxiety. "I can't stand it."

"I thought maybe...maybe I could make it more bearable for you if I wasn't human anymore. I want to make this arrangement the most pleasant it can possibly be for you. I know the whole point of us marrying is to unite the kingdoms, so it wouldn't make much sense if I wasn't human anymore. But...I don't know." They scoff in cold amusement, holding their head as they laugh at themselves. How silly. Why did they think it would be a good idea? Stupid. "I thought maybe...nevermind. I...I'm sorry."

They turn around and walk as fast as they can towards the tower's exit. "I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry for bothering you."

~~~

Sooooo yeah. I was imagining what I would do if I were in the arrangement with Arche, and I would feel soooo self-conscious after the whole "humans are smelly" thing during the dance, and just general comments/teasing every time I would sneeze or cough or something like that lol. Kinda like this moment in chapter 22 (Cubbies):

"At the mention of eating and feeling full, her stomach growled, as if to interject in the conversation. Her face flushed and she cleared her throat, hoping that he didn’t hear it. While around Beck she wouldn’t have been phased by such a small, human thing, being around an Atomaton it almost felt like admitting a weakness."

I was like "whoooa that's relatable af, i'd totally feel the same way" and then ended up daydreaming that scenario in class a couple hours later lol.

What do you think Arche would do in this hypothetical situation?

Sorry if this is kinda weird to ask about T_T

Awh this is so sweet!!! Def would be a y/n/other hypothetical princess rather than Dahmia, Dahmia (while occasionally embarrassed about human details) knows the significance of her being human and wouldn’t trade her body. She is very curious about it after seeing Cas, but if someone offered, she would decline.

I think in this hypothetical Arche would start to feel guilty about all the teasing he did as a child, and try to subtly make up for it without going out of his way to apologize. Complimenting how you smell, making a comment about how ‘interesting’ and ‘unique’ human biology is. He’d try to be slick about it so you don’t think he’s lying for your sake while trying to change your mind at the same time.

[soullust]

meeksy headcanonsss

hopeless romantic but hides it well (most of the time) 

he loves horror movies to a worrying degree. and splatterpunk but not as much

in my mind he’s like . so insane and deranged 

honest to god believes in ghosts

pyromaniac . he loves setting shit on fire. deffo made a molotov coctail b4

his love languages are acts of service n words of affirmation

n possibly physical touch ...

really likes body mods but doesn't get too many bc he overthinks about them too much

learning comes naturally to him, so he doesn't have a strong work ethic when it comes to academics. gifted kid syndrome, basically :)

he’s in for a fucking surprise veeery soon (the burnoutttt...)

computer engineering major linguistics minor but he barely graduates college bc. well… :)

has a significantly older sister and was a rainbow baby

also him and his sister share a birthday

was raised extremely religious (catholic)

children love him. hes mildly scared of children

transmasc gay demisexual and you cant convince me otherwise 

n yes, i do have a hc deadname for him . lmk if youre curious

can drive but doesn't like it

also generally dislikes cars and cannot be be bothered to buy one so he just borrows one from his friends or sister when he needs one.

whenever his sister gets a new ar she just gives him her old one bc he really shouldn't be 27 and carless, especially in usamerica

talks with his hands alot

bruises so very fucking easily. like holy shit he looks like a VICTIM

prefers tea

drinks coffee but takes it super sweet with a lot of milk / creamer that it might as well me a milkshake 

polyglot . he’s fluent in like four languages and knows other four at a somewhat conversable level 

like charlie he prob has adhd and gets hyperfixated on random things

can do tattoos and has a very basic tattoo kit. does stick-n-pokes too

practiced on pitts todd and himself at some point 

the results aren’t bad but its kinda obvious they weren’t done by a professional

can play piano and cello but doesn’t do it often. mostly when his parents want him to impress their friends 

i take headcanon and one-shot requests btw

[holydrakes]

I wanna compile all the scenes where Soul is presented as the anti-Spirit in Maka's life because I find two moments to be interesting parallels;

1.) Anniversary Celebration: Maka wants to dance with Soul in hopes he'd be more comfortable around her and tells her what's bothering him (clearly irked that he got to tell the hot school nurse first before he told her) Soul refuses because he's purposely keeping up a wall between him and Maka out of concern for her, Spirit ends up being the one asking Maka to dance with him in another attempt to get closer to his daughter, she refuses but gets dragged away anyway. Maka later got her dance with Soul when she finally learns his secret and coaxed him to actually use the black blood on her despite his fears, showing how much she trusts him. Which ended up solving the problem.

2.) Gonna be an Angel: Maka is thrilled to learn she has the rare Grigori Soul and in order to manifest wings imagining the same type of wings between them is required, with this knowledge Maka tells Soul she wants him to call her an angel like Ox often does to Kim, but Soul only seems to half-heartedly comply which disatisfies Maka (but strange for him considering he was just teasing her about how ridiculous it is that Maka got to be an angel a few panels back) Spirit then pops in and says he often calls her an angel too but then Maka as usual refuses his attempts at showing her affection, clearly only wanting Soul to call her that. They try to manifest wings, but because both of them have different ideas about how the wings should look like and Spirit tells Soul to imagine Maka as an angel, and Soul...ever the guy who sees Maka for who she is and doesn't put her on a gilded pedestal has a hard time imagining her truly as a cute angel like she apparrently wanted...and so they fail. Later on, they settled for cute angelic wings like Maka wanted, but then it proved to be impractical so they came to a compromise, they managed to manifest bigger, less cutesy, and more practical wings and solved the problem.

In both instances Maka wanted a form of intimacy/affection from Soul (a dance for him to be more comfortable with her and the latter for him to think of her in a very idealized way the way she wanted) Spirit ended up being the one giving her what she wanted in both much to her chagrin. When both problems got resolved (Maka got her dance with Soul after they resonated during a pinch and he got to call her an angel after they compromised to more appropriate wings) it involves one character getting rid of an internal problem, Soul became less scared and unconfident to use the black blood and Maka started caring less about appearances and started taking things more seriously.

I need to go over the Grigori arc since it's one of those arcs that made Maka seem like a lame teenage girl (I was once a lame teenage girl too anyway, so I'm one to talk) we know Maka had a complex for not feeling special (or pretty) enough compared to her peers and she's such a perfectionist it hurts her self-esteem, so having learned she has a grigori soul and it makes her some sorta an angel in hindsight easily gets to her head for a moment does make sense somewhat. Her wanting Soul to picture her as an angel could be related to her insecurities about her not being enough for him and he might leave her one day for someone better, but that's prob me overeading into it. Also in the dance instance Maka gave Soul the courage to finally thread dangerous waters with the black blood, and in the angel instance (I'd like to believe) Soul reminds Maka of what's more important and makes her hung up less on superficial things (related that Maka shouldn't care about being seen as 'perfect' or 'special' that much?)

In the Anniversary Party Maka refused to remember her old happy dance with Spirit in pre-school and chose to remember only the fact that he had danced with a woman who was apparrently not her mom. in the Grigori Arc Maka fails to see her father's concerns about her safety the moment he informs them that the enemies are after her Soul Perception, twisting it as him only caring about losing her abilities and not her life, as usual Maka keeps only seeing the absolute worst of him and fails to catch the genuine affection he's giving her. In both instances, Maka shows that she gives zero trust and care in her father but clearly puts a lot of trust and care in Soul despite him being somewhat difficult with her and she actually has the right to be annoyed by him for his prickly attitude unlike her outwardly very affectionate dad.

In both instances, she is trying to coax some sort of intimacy/affection from Soul which he has a difficulty with giving, and refuses Spirit's own attempts at giving her intimacy/affection in return.

[melodic-haze]

Just out of curiosity, I'm a new comer and saw your "about the blog" post and it said you don't write for males, but I came from your Himeko x amab post. Was that just the occasional one off or has your rules changed? I'm asking as I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable if I decide to request stuff in the future. Also apologize if this was too formal and wordy, I actually never used tumblr until recently so I'm still confused on many things such as etiquette. Also I hope your therapist situations go well and more so will your gacha pulls be blessed.

FIRST OF ALL DON'T APOLOGISE HAHAHA I've only been here since like April or May and I used to have some other Tumblr acc way back when but I'm. Still very confused a lot of the time I fear. AND THANK YOU FOR BOTH WISHES 💪💪 I'll roll today and I'm planning to call them up tomorrow

As for the meat of the matter (what a silly thing to say), there Might be a bit of confusion here which like. Fair enough I got a bit confused myself at first and I'm the one who made this fucking blog 😭 but to put it simply and VERY possibly cancel-worthy, I don't write for male-identifying people

I WOULD LIKE TO CLEAR UP THOUGH FIRST THAT I DO NOT HATE MEN PLEASE 😭😭😭 all of this sounds so very riskily worded idk how else to say it I'm so sorry :(

Long explanation utc but tldr: I just don't feel comfortable for my own reasons (such as my writing being self-indulgent), I differentiate sex from gender so afab and amab are different from fem, male and gender neutral, the Himeko ask wasn't a one-off but more of a compromise, and THANK YOU FOR DECIDING TO ASK AND CARE FOR MY COMFORT :(((( ily new anon I HOPE I DON'T SCARE YOU OFF BC OF THIS OMG 😭😭😭😭😭

Ok now if you don't mind my long-winded explanation, I use the terms amab or afab as a form of distinction between genitals in my smutposting bc I'm fine with such a thing, it's just writing for the male perspective that....bothers me? No that's not quite right, I do Discord rp and have played as men before, I think it's just more the fact that I write not just for other people but for myself too? If you read the dialogue for my demos and stuff, you'd probs be able to tell that this is all VERY self-indulgent—the reader's responses aren't really as neutral as I want them to be, leaning towards actions and phrases that I would use rather than cater to the general 'neutral' audience

Maybe it makes no difference in the end, bc everyone's their own individual and beyond the whole stereotype thing and the gymbro testosterone-esque macha-alpha bs you see sometimes, there aren't?? And really shouldn't be much of a link between genders and personal thoughts ig, if you catch my meaning. But I just Don't Feel Right writing ig. I don't think it helps that I've had a bad experience with a few men in my life, which while it doesn't define my view of the gender bc what the fuck man, it does define my comfort levels in writing

The reason why I wrote the Himeko ask with an amab reader was bc the og ask was with a MALE reader, which I've explained to you just now about. I could happily, EASILY do gn reader who was born male/has male endowments, but the mind is a whole different thing so I came to some kinda compromise instead bc I REALLY really did wanna write the request itself. At the end of the day, it all falls to semantics I suppose, but a gyal can't be blamed for being kinda specific ab stuff, right? 🫠🫠 Yeah no this wasn't a one-off, nor have the rules changed—if you look through my page, you can see Multiple Works of me writing a gn reader with an implied dick/strap alternative for people with fem genitalia haha

I DO appreciate you for asking beforehand though! Questions like these make me happy bc it shows yall care rather than just. Getting into it and jumping the gun I suppose!!! Sometimes my stomach just twists when I get a req for the male identity and it's a whole thing :(

[thurisazsalail]

I am so glad i had friends and people who looked out for me when i was in my teens and they were in their 30s-50s

I discovered lots of cool stuff i never would have been exposed to in my own age group and family

I probably wouldn't have bothered to read much because i got so much blatant hatred for it (and the things i learned from reading)

I probably would have thought a lot of really fucked up stuff was *normal*

And of course you know, all those other 17 years olds DEFINITELY have enough life experience to be out in the world and say that things are different, that they can be different, that choices are made and have to be made, but great changes are possible

But yeah, prob should have stayed only talking to people like 2 years older than me so i could definitely have gone on thinking that i existed to work and my parents are right, that i need to get pregnant asap or else i'll die at 19 from not being able to afford to eat, when a kid would guarantee me a mother's role in society

Yknow, fundie shit

You know who else says i shouldn't have been talking to anyone outside my approved safe group?

The fucking evangelical cult

Get the fuck outside.

Touching grass isn't good enough for some people. They need 6ft of full body contact with the dirt.

'all age gaps problematic' people are so wild. "what can a 19 year old and a 28 year even have in common??? what do they talk about??" BITCH THEIR HOBBIES???????

[mintyvoid]

srry going on another genshin rant

i know it was inevitable but it's going to bother me for months maybe longer that, yeah genshin just isn't ever going to be good. i might be officially off the wagon. and it just sucks cause like since launch for a good 2 straight years i was so on board.

i had some issues with like pacing of the story and the core gameplay but i figured with it being so popular that maybe it would get better. I really do enjoy the world and characters. But as time continued things just got worseee. I started joking to myself about making a bingo sheet with all the one off arcade/generic mini games, but they keep coming true or i come up with better ideas.

i can't begin to imagine the creativity sink hole mihoyo prob is, how limited the devs are to make an actually good game instead of a mediocre one riddled to the brim with gambling and malicious microtransactions.

i want to enjoy my blorbos but find it so hard to when the game is just so bad :I

i guess i shouldn't have been hopeful that a good game would come out of its crazy success and instead just continue to do what makes them the most money. it's such a fucking shame.

i dunno if i'll log in again honestly, missing the stuff from the past few months can really fuck things in a game like this. before me falling off a few months ago I had only missed one event and i don't want to think about how much like integral stuff i've now missed. most of the enjoyable stuff comes from these side stuff, as the main story continues to be an utter fucking slog. it should've ended so long ago, being spoon fed a story over this long hurts so much and probably hurts the storys quality too.

i don't mean this to be like a 'you have bad taste if you still play and enjoy it', cause i wish i was still one of you. i wish i could just ignore all the shit and enjoy playing.

[kumz-z]

I don't know who wants to hear... so over my time on discord I met alot of people.. three guys kinda well we dm more than we speak in my server, one say I'm his type bcs he likes tsundere girls and the big sister vibes... well I am a big sister lol and the tsundere part I don't believe I am one but to know I'm his type is idk how to feel abt it. the second guy, he's pressy for my irl pics though i dont ask for his. he insults my favs on the daily so I ofc insults his ones back. but he always assures me that he'll support my goals and dreams. he says I love you and expects one back from me whenever he says it like gawdam chill. the third guy... I won't say he's the closest to my type of guy, he's too kind for his own good honestly. he listens to my rants and comforts me, i play games more often with him than the rest lmao. I'm probs just a passing beauty to him.

last night, I told my sister. what if I dated the third guy? he sent me his irl pic btw. when I showed it to her, she laughed bcs he's buff but the pic he took makes him look short and fat, though he says he's 169 cm... like girl she was laughing hysterically with the way the guy looks and the question was a WHAT IF. I don't feel anything for the guys, I want to experience love too. she laughs bcs he's on the buff side? when she openly says her type are himbos like u stfu

if himbos are buff and pretty, dumb and respectful to women... I don't see why laughing at the guy was a thing she did.

she did tell me I'm the pretty sister between us, so if she laughed bcs she thinks I shouldn't be standing next to that kinda guy bcs our looks don't fit then I don't know who's right and wrong here. obviously her though. she once called tsumugi aoba ugly bcs he wears glasses and his long curly blue hair don't fit him well. like girl that's my type of guy, if someone say who's my type to summarise it in one character ITS TSUMUGI AOBA ik I love rei and izumi and hiyori as my top three guys in enstars But tsumugi is the kinda guy I'd marry in a heartbeat if he asked LMFAOOO.

maybe she's young so she can't judge people well ? I still hate the fact she laughed like an idiot when I showed her the pic and say what if I dated the guy, she knows of the first and second guy and she openly told them that she hates them for bothering me and bcs they were obvious... pretty sure at one point, the first guy did tell her I'm his type lmaoo. she shouldnt judge them imo since she only speaks to them in the server and not out of it. she doesn't even look at the server that much so the interaction between those three are so little... she probs hate it when people in the server calls for my name anyways.

( I AM NOT A FLIRT NEITHER DO I FALL FOR PEOPLE QUICKLY )

[crippledwithrage]

I'm facing a dilemma in my writing. I want to write POC characters but I'm scared I'm gonna mess up.

I think of it like this: the project is the writing, and the knowledge is the supplies to make the project.

If I go to the store and get low quality supplies from a bootleg shop that passes it all off as good supplies, and I don't realize it's bad supplies, and I make the project, then I'll end up ruining the project without knowing I did so. It will end up a caricature of a good project in the end.

But if I get the right supplies from a good hight quality store, but am hesitant to use it because I think it may be wrong so I go get bad supplies just in case, I'll end up in the same situation.

I don't know where to even look for supplies or how to tell if it's good quality or not. Who do I even ask about if my supplies is good quality? Will they hate me if I ask? Should I have asked at all? Is it wrong for me to make the project if I'm not part of the community the project is about? I'm afraid that I'll get the wrong supplies and apply it to my project.

What if I just can't make the project well in the first place.

What if I'm not meant to make this project at all.

What if I'm just not good at projects.

Reading this back, I may drop the idea... I prob shouldn't bother if I have this much doubt.

[freevoidman]

My G, why does the floridian hurricane in porg’s shitshow of a fic upset you so much?

@sui-senka just pinging ya bc you replied and I figured you wouldn’t want to miss my response.

OKAY so the very short answer is she doesn’t know shit (unsurprising, but still) and clearly didn’t do any research about hurricanes, hurricane procedures, hurricane safety, or… literally anything, considering that a lot of her self-written Vergil backstory hinges on a hurricane separating him and his “lover,” making him unaware of Nero’s existence.

Her ignorance about hurricanes and the damage they can cause is practically inexcusable, considering most anything can be googled nowadays, so this had no reason to be as shit as Porg made it. This absolutely infuriates me, considering that I have lived through hurricanes, specifically, one of the worst hurricanes to hit the northeastern US.

The LONG ANSWER will be under the cut because, i’mma be real with you anon, I’m gonna tear apart Porg’s shit, and I get real mad.

Alright, so, in Porg’s fic, this bullshit comes at the end of her segment about her OC and Vergil, and why Vergil knows that he had sex with someone, but was unaware his child was alive. About seven months into OC’s pregnancy Hurricane Hugo (or, at the very least, a hurricane with matching strength TO Hugo) hits wherever she and Vergil are, they got separated during the storm, and then never reconnected. Her OC then gave birth to Nero and died during a demon attack, but Nero was not killed, and was taken off the mainland to Fortuna.

Before continuing, here are some important things to remember!

Porg has stated in her fic she placed Fortuna around the Florida Keys

She specifically cites Hurricane Hugo as the hurricane that hits and separates Vergil and her OC. She also cites this happening in the year 1989 (the same year Hugo happened). Remember this setting.

Nero’s mother is SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT when this hurricane hits.

Nero has to be young enough to have no memories of his mother. At most, I’d say he would be a year old, and at the youngest I’d say 2 months, because he’d have to survive for at least a few hours after his mother died before people found him.

Okay? Okay.

So, for the first point of stupidity, there is absolutely no reason why Vergil and her OC should have become separated. I’m not reading off her fic directly, but I’m pretty sure that she never cited a specific reason as to why, just that they did.

During hurricanes, you get the fuck away from the coastline if you can because flooding can and absolutely will happen, and then you stay indoors. You do not go outside unless you absolutely have to, especially at night when you can’t see. The windspeed for a Category 1 hurricane, the lowest you can go before it’s classified as a tropical/severe storm, is 74 mph (119 kmph) and can cause damage to houses and cause branches or poorly rooted trees to fall. You can lose power, but it’d only be for a couple days at most.

Hurricane Hugo (or her imaginary hurricane, which would have the same strength and occur at the same time) was a Category 3. Category 3 hurricanes have the lowest wind speed at 111 mph (178 kmph). Whereas Category 1 hurricanes can do some damage, mostly through negligence or very rare circumstances, Category 3′s can rip trees out of the ground, cause serious flooding, can damage most well-built houses. It’s not fun, and picture of areas devastated by hurricanes are brutal.

So Vergil, who is a decently smart sentient being, and her OC should have NEVER gone outside, let alone be away from each other. A seven month pregnant woman would ABSOLUTELY NOT BE OUTSIDE IN A CATEGORY 3 HURRICANE. I can understand them not wanting to move away from a coastline, or abandoning their house, as they possibly would’ve had nothing to come back to, but there is NO reason why they would get separated in 1989 after a category 3. If anything, this should’ve brought them closer together.

And yet, somehow they do! And they never reconnect? How??? Porg states that this is all happening in southeastern US–there is no way any seven month woman would be able to travel far enough on her own, more than likely without a car, and be able to care for herself. Granted, Porg made her OC a full devil, but even a full devil would definitely struggle at 7 months pregnant with a baby coming in the future.

Now, I’m going to be honest, this was all the minor stuff. Now here’s where I get mad.

When people find Nero, Porg states in her fic that instead of taking an infant to the hospital, they instead take him to an orphanage on Fortuna. Remember, this is at the very least four months after a Category 3 Hurricane hit, and at most, 16 months.

Now, I live on Long Island. For those unaware, back in 2012, we had a hurricane hit us. That was Hurricane Sandy, which was a Category 1 when it hit. People here acted with confidence–it’s only a Category 1, it’s not that strong, we’ll all be fine!–and didn’t prepare properly for it.

This was one of the deadliest hurricanes of 2012. It was a Category 1.

I lived through that, and it wasn’t pleasant to say the least. I was one of the lucky folks that lived far enough away from the coast that there wasn’t any serious flooding, but even then it was rough. I was sitting on my couch looking out the window when a giant portion of a tree that had been eaten away by bugs broke off from the trunk and smashed into our front yard, only about fifteen feet away from where I was sitting. If the tree had been leaning more towards us, or the wind was blowing just strong enough, it could’ve crashed into the room and crushed me. When my dad went out to walk our dogs that night (and at this point, we’d lost power) one of those poorly-rooted trees fell over. It was pitch black outside, with heavy rain and wind making it impossible to see more than five feet in front of you. We didn’t know if he was alive, because we also didn’t know which tree fell or where he was, and we couldn’t hear each other over the wind.

And I know plenty of people that lived in worse places that didn’t leave, and they got even more fucked over in that first week. The only reason why my neighborhood got power back within a week was because we were right by two schools (my elementary and high school, ironically enough). I know people that had to go twice as long without. Some had to wait a full month because of downed trees and severe damage to the breakers in their neighborhoods.

And again–my street, my neighborhood, most of the people in my school? We were lucky, because a majority of the school body and staff lived inland. People got fucked over for YEARS after Sandy, especially those that lived on the coastline and straight up couldn’t leave, even if they wanted. Their homes were flooded, they lost thousand of dollars having to repair the damages, lost countless memories following the damages in the aftermath. This was happening more than a year after a Category 1 hurricane hit an island.

So the fact that Porg, in her godly wisdom, could go “yeah, baby Nero wasn’t taken to any place that could give him substantial care, but was instead given to an orphanage on a tiny island that was hit by a Category 3 hurricane” completely infuriates me. She did zero research, other than finding a natural disaster that happened somewhere she was familiar with, around the time when she oh-so grandly puts Devil May Cry 3, to “pull at the audience’s heart strings” is not only moronic, but completely ignorant to real people who have suffered in the aftermath of hurricanes.

There is a sentence–just as barebones as the rest of her shit writing–that describes the aftermath. That’s it. And as an added kick, Vergil doesn’t care about it, or how his lover is missing in the aftermath, even though Porg wrote him as someone who cared about her OC very, very much.

(This is arguably the most in character she gets with Vergil, by the way.)

It is entirely possible that, after a Category 3 like Hugo, that Fortuna would be fucking wrecked in the aftermath, especially if it was in the direct path, and especially where Porg put it. Fortuna is an isolated island with no obvious connection to a mainland (at least, established in the games, i haven’t read the novels). Put that next to Florida, which is well-known for getting hurricanes and tropical storms pretty regularly, and I don’t know how the fuck it would be standing, let alone in a state where it could accept an infant.

I think that stupid section was the part where I really, really hated what I was reading. In an age where the internet, where google, where there’s plenty of resources and first-hand accounts talking about hurricanes, the damage they can cause, and the aftermath of said natural disasters, Porg did nothing more than look up a Hurricane that happened around 1989 and slapped into her fic with nothing more behind it than a plot point that made zero fucking sense.

Oh, by the way? All that information I looked up about hurricane windspeed, about when Sandy and Hugo hit? It took me less than a minute to look up and fact-check myself. Porg, learn how to fucking google simple shit before you puke up your regurgitated bullshit.

[hotelfgirl]

My fave thing about diet soda is getting shamed by people for drinking it, and then watch them back paddle in shame once I tell them I have diabetes.

[cursivebloodlines]

…Yeah. Maybe she was right; maybe he was too kind. She was not the first person to tell him this, nor would she be the last. At least, he surmised. It was something almost everyone he knew would say. To that, he’d simply offer a shrug. Why did people think being too kind was a bad thing? In Dougie’s opinion, there was not enough kindness in this difficult world. So, if he could do something, no matter how small, to try and make the world a slightly better place then why wouldn’t he? Always toeing the line between too much and not enough. What was it to be? He didn’t know how else to be. He noticed how she broke off her sentence before continuing it. Had Laurel wanted to say something else? But what? He wasn’t sure. Either way. He offered her a hint of a smile as a way of saying 'Sure, no probs' because to tell the truth, he wasn't sure what else to say. Surprised when Laurel admitted not having heard the second part of the saying before, he couldn't help the light chuckle that escaped him. And to be fair, she had taught him plenty, too. "Really? I just thought everyone knew...Y'know what they say...you learn something new every day." He teased, a twinge of amusement painted on his features. Some things never changed, it seemed. It was...a nice feeling. Familiarity. So much had changed and yet some things remained. "How about the one about curiosity killing the cat? Did you ever know the second part of that one?" Why he always was fond of cliche sayings everyone repeated, he wasn't sure; he might have inherited that from his grandad. They were little things he could hold on to on bad days, as strange as it may have sounded. Laurel mentioning the transitions caused the little smile on his face to grow a bit wider, a callback to some memories he remembered her telling him about came to mind. "Hmm. I shouldn't be surprised to hear that, really. I know how strong your relationship with PowerPoint is, like." With that, he gave her a gentle nudge with his elbow, a signal he was messing around. Like old times. Again with the familiarity. Seeing that mesmerizing smile on her face was everything, a reminder of one of the many reasons he fell in love with her, and for a moment it felt as though nothing had truly changed between them. If only. If only they could go back into a fairytale world where time travel existed and they could wipe away the last two years. Start over, and pick up from where they left off. Wouldn't that be the dream? About to assure her that she was never trouble, and she had never been trouble, but Dougie stopped himself upon realising she looked and sounded...surprised? The way she spoke two little words: it is. Like...like a question. Surprise or relief, he couldn't tell. "Of course, it is...why wouldn't it be?" Apart from the obvious elephant in the room...but even including that, he couldn't see why it wouldn't be nice to see her. Had she set herself to believe he would throw her out, tell her to go away after everything? No. He couldn't. Even if he wanted to, Dougie couldn't. He was never that way inclined. And he didn't want to either. Why would he not want to see the woman he missed the most, the woman who once upon a time had his heart? And still might have, even today. Not that he could explicitly state that. Not yet. Not now. "Me too. It's definitely made the day um, better," he said sheepishly. It felt daft to admit that, yet he wasn't sure why. Probably not the way some people would feel if they'd seen their ex who ditched them for a couple of years turning up on their doorstep. Dougie had always been a bit different to others, though. Feelings couldn't be helped. Especially his.

If only they could be helped. Dougie always wished he was one of those people who could pretend he didn't care when he did, or acted like one of those people where nothing bothered him. But he didn't have a degree in acting. The most he could uphold was convincing someone he was fine when he was dying inside... And that usually did not end well. Reading people, he wasn't particularly the best at either. It may come across as being able to but sometimes that was due to his overthinking brain. For example, if someone had any inkling of interest in him, he was always the last one to know about it because he never saw the signs. And probably never ever considered for a moment, how anyone would even look at him twice. Normally they had to spell it out to him. And yet at the same time, the more he got to know someone, the more he felt like he could read them well enough. He thought he accomplished that with Laurel. Got that one wrong, too. Would he ever get it right? And even if she always proceeded to tell him it was not his fault... All he could think of is how he should have tried harder with her. Shouldn't have taken everything at face value, should have read in between the lines. Peel back the layers he knew were there. With someone such as Dougie, it was a slippery slope to descend into without someone to pull you back over the railings and say Stop. You did everything you could. You need to let her go. In fact, it was probably those exact words he'd been told numerous times. 'Yeah, yeah. I know, I know' was how he would respond to those... look how that turned out for him. Part of him was surprised when she didn't anything in return to refute his attempts at 'believing' her. That smile on her face said it all though. She knew. But it seemed like she also knew it would be fighting a battle with him to convince him. It was early days; she had just come back. It was too soon to say if he could believe her... or if he ever would. He so desperately wanted to, though. Was that enough?

Dougie's mind continued to wander. No surprises, there. What was Laurel's plan after stopping by? Was she planning on going again? Staying? Where was she even staying now, if she was staying anywhere? For all he knew, this could have been a stop on the way to wherever she was heading to next. Part of him yearned to know whether he needed to brace himself for another goodbye - at least it would be a goodbye, this time, rather than a non-existent one - but was torn because he was afraid of not liking the answer. The coward's way out. Tentatively, he dared to steal another glance up at her, heart sinking as he saw the fresh tears in her eyes. How torn up about it she was...All he ever seemed capable of was hurting her. How everything he seemed to say only upset her more... How he despised being the reason for her tears. Even if some might feel she deserved them. That could never be the case... It only made him feel worse. She came here to give him answers, not for him to say stupid shit that had her on the verge of tears. That in turn, had him looking the same. God. They really were a mess, weren't they? Maybe that's why they worked so well together before. Two people, who alone seemed broken. Put them together and you get...something beautiful. Until those broken people become even more broken, he supposed. Listening to her words, he let out a croaky chuckle, a sad, watery smile on his lips. "Remember what you've just told me... now tell that to yourself as though I am saying it...because it seems like we both feel -" he paused to clear his throat and correct himself. "Felt... we both felt the same about each other in that respect. Neither of us having flaws when they're so blatantly there... not left for the other to see..." A small shrug rolled from his shoulders then. "Maybe our flaws have always been there. Even the ones you thought you hid so well, but we...never saw them as flaws." Wasn't that along the lines of what he'd suggested before? "And so we end up how we are now, running around in circles trying to convince the other we're both perfect." An amused chuckle left him then as he brightened up a little. It was a bit daft, wasn't it? Still, it lightened up the atmosphere that little bit more.

The more he found out about her family, or more specifically her mother, the more Dougie felt like he understood Laurel that little bit more. Constantly being told you're doing the wrong thing, the need to seek approval from one person you struggle to get it from...The satisfaction when it's finally there, the grief and loss when it's ripped away from you. It caused scars. That much, he could relate to. That wasn't even his family, so he could imagine what it must have been like for her. Her own mother...Sure, she said her dad was lovely and he was not to dispute that but...did he just sit there and let her mum get on with it? It didn't make sense. But families were a tangled web of complications, skeletons in the closets, and whatnot. He knew he was an only child because he was an accident to begin with. Despite having that knowledge - he found it out in a funny way, and his parents never made him feel like he was an accident - but clearly one child was enough for them. Dougie would have liked to have a sibling, because it was quite lonely at times being the only child. But he never felt less than due to his own family. It broke his heart to think how Laurel must have felt about hers. Honestly, as a non-confrontational person, it made him want to have words with her mum. Ask her directly, 'do you not realise the damage you've caused? How much you've made her suffer? How much she has lost because of you?' Dougie couldn't imagine himself actually saying that but he liked to believe he could toughen up for her and say the things no one dared to. Be the person people have always wanted to be - tougher. Because some people needed a reality check. Specifically, her mother.

Didn't that feel a bit hypocritical though? Dougie was miffed at the opinion of someone who he never even met and yet here he was, forming a sour opinion of someone he hasn't met. Some people simply didn't deserve a chance. He liked to think he did. Laurel's words did not bring him reassurance - nor did he expect them to. Why would they? Her opinion doesn't matter. "This is going to - I want to say sorry in advance because this is gonna come out all wrong," he prefaced uneasily, a sigh drawn out as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "Please forgive me...But, Laurel - her opinion clearly did matter. At some point or another, it...it did. Because it was that specific opinion that made you want to..." he trailed off, shaking his head. It was too much. Maybe the truth was finally unnerving him. The truth won't set you free, as he anticipated. The truth just brought more questions to untangle, more questions that perhaps he nor Laurel could actually answer. Deep down, he figured he knew what she meant. But the surface of it. It stung. It would be a lie to say it didn't. It was too late anyway, the words already out. He braced himself for impact. Half worried that might have made her decide to walk away, if she thought...Ugh. He had no idea where his mind was heading. So much information to wrap his head around, he didn't even know where to begin. Once again it felt like she was just...trying to convince him to hate her. Every time he said something about her, she contradicted or explained why he shouldn't feel like that. "I know but my god, we all make mistakes. All of us. But if we just stand around, punishing ourselves for the rest of our lives, we are all going to be miserable. No one ends up happy. We all lose." The words flew out a mile a minute, Dougie didn't know where that sudden burst of words came from. If only he took his own advice there! Punishing himself for his mistakes was his forte. His own words left him breathless as he watched her expression change. The way she caught her words mid-sentence and then asked him the million-dollar question. How did Dougie feel?

Oh god, what have I done? He had two options. Option one: act dumb. Say the word 'what?' Or option two: change the word 'feel' to 'felt'. Correct it. Sound insincere whilst doing so...Unless he went with that third option in the back of his head...The truth. How could he tell the truth when he didn't quite know what that truth was? "O-oh...Um..." Using filler words to buy himself some time, a flicker of panic crept up on him. Deep breaths, Dougie. He started at her, bewildered for a few moments, his tongue darting out to wet his chapped lips. He felt like he had a lie detector on him, or like he was waiting for the verdict on winning the top prize on some game show "I..." Inhale through the nose, out through the mouth. "I...I'm working on it, but..."his voice lowered a little as he mulled over his answer. "I feel...I feel confused. Conflicted...I thought - I guess I thought I..." Was it safe to admit it? oh, boy. "I thought I was over you. Now I...I don't know how true that was..." A sigh. "I'm happy, to see you, for however long it is. It's just...its tricky. This is - it's new territory for us. I'm still processing. And my feelings I just -" He never had been great at expressing how he felt, especially when put on the spot like that. "I know I loved...I loved you once. You were everything to me. And all these feelings have just...crept out from under the woodwork, so to speak. And I don't know what to do with it all." He let out a breathy laugh, he knew he wasn't making any sense. "There is a lot...but I'm working on it. You've kinda put me on the spot here, words aren't making sense. Sorry." It was like a storm flood of emotions had washed through him at full force, unable to say what he actually wanted to say so it all came out in the form of word vomit, stumbling over his words. It probably wasn't what she wanted to hear...but he couldn't forgive himself if he jumped straight in and then went back on his word later on. Dougie couldn't hurt her like that.

Back to the parent talk. He nodded slowly as she responded to his question, biting his lip gently as he watched her. "Maybe...I don't know, I can't comment on that really. Maybe she does love you but if that's the case, she's got a weird way of showing it." Was that too harsh? He wasn't sure but he couldn't take back what was said. Nor did he want to, really. The way she was quick to answer his question made his heart skip a beat. The word love...changed to loved. Past tense, like he'd used. Ouch. His own fault but still. She could never have imagined leaving him...yet still left him anyway. It came back to that, every single time. He despised that his brain always tagged that on the end of anything she said. "It's not your fault for believing it... you shouldn't be mad at yourself for it."

"It's...it's okay." Did something shift in the atmosphere or was it just a case of Dougie overthinking yet again? Analysing everything? "You don't need to keep apologising, you know. I heard ya the first...hm, I dunno, ten times," he joked halfheartedly, a tired smile gracing his features. It was weird being on the other end of that. Of being the person to insist they stop saying sorry, rather than be told that. Always sorry for something...Crazy how they were sort of similar in that regard. Maybe he was still rubbing off on her even now. "Easy win," he said lightly, again attempting to alleviate whatever sort of tension he felt lingered between them. Was this it? Was this...was she done here? Inhaling a deep breath involuntary when she stepped closer towards him, his heart doing somersaults. She took his breath away. He was captivated by her, mesmerised by her beauty. It was then he just knew...he absolutely wasn't over Laurel. "Yeah...o-of course. Positive." The words barely came out audible, his voice just above a whisper. Dougie never meant to gawp at her but there he was, gawping. Until her arms wrapped around him and...he felt like he was at home. Stunned into silence, his arms instinctively wrapped around her, pulling her in closer as he buried his head in the crook of her neck. Breathing her in, inhaling the scent of her perfume, or her shampoo...So familiar, it made his heart ache. Wondering if she could feel the way his heart currently thundered against his chest, whether it gave him away completely. Was it bad that he didn't want to let her go? That he couldn't bear the thought of it? Her apology felt like it broke his heart and mended it all at the same time. It was all very confusing. "I-I know. It's okay...it's -" Dougie breathed shakily. "I...I forgive you for it." Maybe a part would always hold on to that, or to her. But how could either of them ever move forward - whether it was with each other or not - if he didn't offer her forgiveness? Laurel clearly punished herself enough. He didn't want to inflict any more pain on her. "I forgive you."

Here he was, giving her sympathy and disregarding this punishment she had created in her head - even if she did deserve it. Objectively. "You're just too kind Dougie, I mean I-" I love you for it. It's what she wanted to say. But it just wasn't her place anymore. "I appreciate it though." An eye for an eye, there was a second part to that saying?? She'd only ever heard the first part, her family was not one that considered that 2nd portion. It was news to her. "I didn't know there was a second part to that, you're still teaching me..even now." At least that hasn't changed for them. That thought brought her comfort. He was always the one teaching her new things, opening her eyes to new ideas, bringing a softer tone to her world, and letting her believe there was more. "Too fancy? The transitions are the best part." Well, to her at least. It reminded her of the months she was in love with PowerPoint and iMovie transitions and would make a presentation of just about anything. The day at the park, the sandwich she had for lunch - you name it. Had she mentioned that to Dougie? Probably one of those embarrassing childhood stories you share during a night of drinking. "Got it though, the thought that counts," she said, bringing a small smile to her lips. To see that smile, hear his laughter in this room - Laurel could continue talking about this same topic for hours. Saying anything just to bring that smile back. But every moment had to come to an end. The laughter faded, and she was brought back to the present. Her own delusion brought whiplash. It was the reminder that there was nothing left between them. That she had lost the one good thing in her life, that she could be here with him and still not have him. "Good, I really don't want to bring more trouble to your life and..." stunned once more. Her words caught in her throat, it was the last thing she expected to hear today. He really thought so, that it was nice to see her? Her heart leapt with joy, practically skyrocketing to the sky. "It is..?" she breathed out, holding on to his words. Making sure she remembered what he said, word for word. Just for her to have on a rainy day, when things got bad and she needed some positive words. She could always resort to her memories of him. "It's really nice to see you too...I'm glad I got the chance."

Reading people didn't come easy to Laurel. It's how she often said the wrong thing, missed the mark time and time again. But with Dougie, it was easier. She wanted to make that effort, learn these things about him. Learn how to read his tells, his facial expressions. He let her in, and well, the rest was history. She just felt a deep regret for not doing the same for him. Not letting him see everything, and giving him the option to decide if she was still worth the trouble. Thinking back, that might have been a better solution to her dilemma. But if he didn’t think that? If he decided she wasn’t worth the trouble? She wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Hearing him now though, her heart shrunk with shame. He wouldn’t do that. She could’ve trusted him, confided in him, and received the love and security she desperately wanted to find. At the end of the day, ‘should’ve’ didn’t exist - there was no way to go back in time and change that day. Or change all the days before that, to stop hiding herself from him and letting him in. All she had was the present, trying to do it now, for whatever it was worth. It wasn’t a great job, Laurel knew. He was saying he believed her, but no one could trust the same person twice. She couldn’t blame him for being hesitant with the person who had already broken every promise she had made to him. Her word meant nothing. Laurel only tilted her head, offering a small smile in return. The smile that said, we’ll leave it here for now but know that, I meant what I said.

Showing up here included a plan. Be truthful, tell him everything, and leave. Leave the moment he asked, or leave if he decided he didn't want to hear any of it. The point was, it all included: leaving. But, her feet were rooted in the ground, unable to move and each time his lips uttered her name, it made it all more difficult. Breath hitched in her throat as he stepped towards her, and Laurel wanted to reach out. To meet him halfway. To admit that her feelings didn't shift to past tense, no matter how much she wished for it or tried. Wished to rip out the love she felt for him. Anything to dull the blow, numb the pain she felt every time she woke up and remembered he wasn't next to her. Had he done the same? Laurel couldn't help but wonder, had someone already mended his heart and was she just here undoing all that work? She scolded herself for interrupting him, speaking over him. Her words always running at 50 miles per hour. Noticing how he stepped back, how his gaze cast down. God, would she ever stop fucking up? Her heart found new ways to shatter as he wiped his tears away, what she would give to do that for him. Laurel was tempted, tempted to give into her desire to be close to him, and damn 'what was right.' And she would, if it didn't include hurting him more. She would selfishly give in. Fresh tears threatened to fall when he said that. It was so painstakingly obvious, and she missed it. Lost everything because she didn't believe, didn't trust that someone could actually love her that way. "Ten? Impossible, I looked everywhere..didn't see any. I think I just view you differently than you see yourself. You could do no wrong in my eyes." A slow shake of her head, a dry chuckle falling from her lips. "I guess I did my job a little too well...I'm sorry about that too."

Families were complicated. That's all she knew. Her mother complaining always dissatisfied with her life, the choices she made. Always reminding Laurel what not to do. Don't be naive, the world is not like that. Love is a waste of time, where's it going to get you? Spending time with her dad, who would then tell her the opposite. Love is a lot of things, but never a waste of time. Talking to the man who would look back on his life fondly, despite his choice of spouse (in Laurel's opinion). She never understood her parents, why they remained together. Laurel was an only child for a reason. Her mom disliked parenting, hated how it 'tied her down.' But, they just never separated. Perhaps, her father was too attached, her mother too comfortable to leave. Still, their volatile relationship showed her a lot. The constant push/pull between her parents’ different life lessons. In the end, her mother's won out. Despite how much she loved and respected her father's opinion, she just wanted to impress her mom once. To do something right in her eyes, something that would earn her some affection and respect. This, amongst other things were the reason she kept her family hidden. If there was one person Dougie could ever meet, it would be her dad. He'd like Dougie a lot, she was certain of that. She would've liked to do that, the normal things. Meeting his parents, him meeting hers. None of that mattered now, what could've been was only a reminder of the mistakes she made.

"I..I know. It's very shitty, that's why I never tell her anything." Never tell her anything, never visit - just completely keeping distance. He was right, about everything. Her mother's opinions and the way she went through life. Dougie looked upset, and frankly, Laurel couldn't blame him. It wasn't easy to say, probably was not easy to hear either. For someone to dislike you without even knowing them. She had really set him up for failure. "But it wasn't right, her opinion of you..or us. She doesn't know you, her opinion doesn't matter." It was a futile attempt to remind him to not take this one to heart. Her mom's opinion was so shallow, it wasn't even worth the time of day. He had to believe that, it wasn't him. The weak smile was inevitable, the corners of her lips pulling upwards, though it didn't remove the lump in her throat. It was impossible, he didn't have to, but he was healing her heart without realizing. Little by little, removing the weight her mom had dumped on her. And that, perfectly described Doug to her. He never had to, but he did. He always would. It hurt knowing that, because she was clearly benefitting from this trait, but Laurel couldn't help but feel like she was taking advantage of him for it. She couldn't respond, didn't want to contradict him because he'd probably reiterate everything, couldn't respond when he mentioned falling in love. It should make a difference though. What she did, shouldn't that change how he viewed her? Hated her when she walked away...anything? Laurel didn't really want to ask, even if she deserved an answer like that. "I..it was a pretty big mistake Dougie. It's not a mistake like getting the wrong ice cream flavor at the store. I..I destroyed our relationship, hurt you..abandoned you. I was responsible for killing..this, our love." Words that had definitely run around her mind before, but saying them out loud - it truly cemented to her how shitty she was. "How is that amazing? It was so—" her words interrupted. Nothing you can say will change the way I feel about you. How did he feel about her? Was it mere appreciation of their old relationship, like seeing an old friend? Were there still any feelings lingering? Her mind burned with curiosity. "The way you feel..and h-how is that?" It was a bold question, but she needed to know. Did she have a chance, a chance to make it up to him? Or did she have to accept that it was lost..and had to move on? His question caught her by surprise, brows raising at the follow up. It was a fair question, one she'd been asking herself. "No no, don't..apologize. You can ask whatever you'd like, remember?" A million questions and all that. "About your question, I...honestly don't know. I used to think it was my happiness, that she was looking out for me. What was best for me, parents know best and what not. But, then I began wondering if she just..wants me to do what she wished to do with her life. Living through my life..or something. I don't know, that sounds ridiculous. Maybe it's a bit of both, she loves me, right? So, some of it has to be for me." Oh, how she lived in delusion.

Laurel shook her head adamantly, quickly answering his question. "No! It never crossed my mind, I love..loved you," mirroring his use of past tense, just for his sake. "So much...I couldn't imagine leaving you." Her head titled slightly, he was perfectly describing how she felt. How this entire situation felt. How easily she crumbled under her mom's direction. How much influence she held over her. Laurel always felt proud of her independence, stubbornness, how no one could make her do anything she didn't want to. But, that woman was the exception to all of it. Under her, she became the lost, insecure child she truly was. The strong character fading away, as if a facade. "Right, yeah you described it perfectly. It's very easy, it's infuriating how easy I believe."

She lost his gaze for a minute, as he looked away from her. Had something happened? At first, she was the one looking away - shame and embarrassment keeping her from meeting his eyes. However, after a few minutes, she found herself getting lost in them. Admiring every detail, committing it to memory once more. Two years was a long time away. His soft locks, his piercing blue eyes, the curve of his lips. No matter how much she held on to it, the memories began getting fuzzy over time. Laurel still didn't believe him entirely, that he wasn't just saying things to make her feel better. But she didn't fight him further. Didn't want to make this more difficult for him. "I did promise you the truth, I'm sorry. I'm not saying these things to sway you one way or another, I just...I hate talking about myself and my life in a way that evokes pity. I know you're not..that's not what you're doing, I'm just not used to that." Her arms crossed over her chest, an attempt to keep her feelings under control. To keep her from just closing the distance between them. Oh, right. The ex. Laurel didn't know the whole story, it wasn't something she pushed for, but bits and pieces had occasionally slipped.The mention of that woman angered her, all she had heard about her so far, was enough for Laurel to form her opinion. Wanting to find her, just to talk. Question how the hell she could do that to him. Though, she supposed now she had to sit there and be part of that group of people that had hurt him. Maybe not to that extent, but it still happened. Couldn't question someone when you had done the same. "I..yeah, I guess it's not as bad when you put it that way. I'll take that win, not holding the most hated ex title." And with that confirmation, that she had provided answers, Laurel knew she had done what she came for. It felt odd, knowing your job here was done. Where do you go from there? Did she awkwardly say goodbye or see you around? Did she ask to grab coffee with him and ask to see him again, because truthfully, she couldn't bear being away from him? Laurel didn't really know yet. "That is what I'm worried about..but are you sure?" Tentatively, she took a step forward. Just one. Unsure of what she'd do next. Her heart was pulling her forward, towards him. And she didn't say anything else, afraid to ask. Instead, she just let her arms wrap around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck. Being here, inhaling his scent, it caused a shaky sigh to fall against the fabric of his shirt. It was only a second. She knew he could easily pull away, and he probably would, but even one second felt right. It was one more second than she deserved, but it was enough for her to keep with her. "I-I'm really sorry, for everything."

[panathema]

Hi! My sis is jotakak shipper and a kakyoin fan who loves extra feminized versions of kakyoin and keeps pushing the agenda :/ It's making me annoyed at the character for some reason and I feel horrible bc I love Kakyoin

ah damn, i’ve definitely felt similar.  the best advice i can offer is to isolate yourself as much as possible from people who post that kind of content, which will suck and narrow options for finding content but has saved me personally from coming to hate kakyoin. that’s obviously gonna be a bit difficult since it’s your sibling, but if you’re on good terms it probably wouldn’t hurt to ask them to not push it on you so much?

it does get annoying when it starts to influence how you see a character, especially in kakyoin’s case where the difference between his fanon and depiction is so extreme but not entirely unfounded. all jojo characters have a level of feminity (or flamboyancy) to them which is fucking fantastic, but the way the fanbase interprets kakyoin will never not bother me on a (maybe unnecessarily) deep and personal level. i’d be fine with it if it wasn’t to the degree it is, which is to say… character ruining, and usually for the sake of shipping jotakak as the most tired ‘s*eme/u*ke’ tropes tbqh.

honestly though? (re)watch the stardust ova. it has my favourite kak tbqh, although not quite as weird as he is in the manga. other than that, keep going back to the source content! remember why you love his character so much!! he’s definitely an interesting one, so you have great taste, baby. distance your perception of the character you love from the weird uwu smol bean or femme fatale interpretations that might bother you.

[interstellix]

have the dumbest dilemma where i'm a sucker for headpats but refuse to get them because of a bump on my head that probably won't go away. just a bump of nothing, you can't really see it under my hair either but you can definitely feel it and shit's making me self-conscious af so if someone were to notice it? hell naweh 🥴