#it mightve been how he gained his weight

[cashweasel]

Cake to sooth the beast

[adiprose-abernath]

A Pudgy Planetary Pitstop

When a motley crew of heros from the vastness of space land on a new planet that seems to be made of edible earth, they might a bite off more (or in their case, much MUCH more) than they can chew.

CW Weight Gain, Unintentional growth, Feederism, belching

In the inky void of space, we come across our crew in a shabby state. Jax lazily bats the navigation, eager for a change on the screen, his tail flicking from side to side in annoyance and disappointment. BB sighs heavily "Do you have eyes on the planet?" "Negative captain," the feline replies, his paw yet again tapping against the screen. Their third crew member is in the vents, moving from place to place to keep an eye that all of their tanks are filled and the wires are in the right place. He takes a wrench and tightens a nut and bolt or two but reluctantly joins the others. "Everything seems to be in tip top shape, Cap. If you don't mind me asking, how much longer til we reach our destination?" Captain BB does not respond, gazing into the emptiness, wishing on the comet that passes by the ship that the answer will be soon.

As if by coincidence, a blip goes off the ships scanners. The idle eyes of Jax flip towards the screen in excitement. "50,000 kilometers and counting, captian. We're almost there!" And lo, the planet begins to grow in their vision, as their auto thrusters engage, readying them for a landing. By 40,000 all the crew are out of their seats and by 30 they're working on their suits. At 20 they finish putting them on and by 10 they gather their materials. The ships computer enters auto pilot and gradually slows the ship to the ground which lands with a thud.

The door hatch opens with a hiss and the crew steps out onto their strange new world. Captain BB takes a fearless foot forward leaving a boot print in the alien soil. "Well boys," he says, a grin in his voice "we made it to Ad1-pr0-53!" The crew gives a slight cheer at the accomplishment of their task and split up to begin setting up their trackers and mobiles. Jax gathers some soil samples while Douglas readies the probes and BB goes inside the ship to ready some food (because after such a long flight, he was huuuuungry). Time flies quickly and the crew manages to make it back inside. Chewing on some space cream, the crew watch as the computer begins to analyze the samples. With bated breath all are silent as it speaks.

"The soil contains 89% carbon, 7% oxygen, 3% hydrogen, and 1% nitrogen. This soil is: suitable for consumption." Jax frowns, puzzled for a second. "I set it to detecting if we could put seeds here, not if it was EDIBLE." Jax continues to hit buttons, going through the readings. "Apparently it tastes like...gingerbread?" The crew all look at each other, having had spend decades in cryostasis without something even close to solid or sweet and each take a slight piece from it and bite down. A flavorful waterfall cascades down their tounges as wave after wave of delicate sweetness bombards their brains and bodies with pure ecstasy. In that moment, the crew knew that they had landed on something really special and needed a form of testing a computer could not comprehend: taste testing.

Ignoring the warning signs from their computer, the crew burst out of the ship hungrily grabbing at the ground. Jax filled paw after paw in his maw, greedily gorging on gingerbread ground and gravel. Douglas sped quickly to a pond of butterscotch and drinking like it were air. The captain wasted no time heading for the peppermint poppies and porkishly pilfering every peice in his mouth.

Unbeknownst to our soon-to-be hefty heros, the computer was unable to tell them that the caloric value of the planet was 10 times as strong as that on earth. So what mightve been a simple binge would become something more. Jaxs slender sides began to slowly swell, turning from skinny to average to chunky. The butterscotch lake ballooned Douglas, his belly bloating and building bigger and bigger. And BB would live up to his title, his pecs from perky would sag as pudge is added to his frame. The cat began to notice the pudge when his crouch became harder to maintain with a belly in the way. At this point, however, he ignored his instincts and continued to ravage the earth, his belly brushing the ground as pound after pound piled on. Bigger and bigger he grew from 150 to 200 and 230 and 240. The butterscotch was not much better as blubber became bigger and bouncier as Douglas' endless gluttony took over filling his mouth with delicious sweetness, struggling to reach with a new chin that graced his face. The captain landed with a thud next to the tree, now nearly twice his size and, while grimacing, stabbing a spigot to the tree and sucking the sticky sap from its spout, his ass growing and growing with every gulp.

The porkish protagonists became unrecognizable, a hole filled with fur as Jax's suit failed to contain the fattening feline, the shoreline thinner and thinner as Douglas grew thicker and thicker, and the trees tuckered out as the captains calories soared by thousands on thousands.

Soon our hapless heros began to grow full, in a haze from their gratuitous gluttony, bellies nigh bursting, bellowing belches on belches in a cacophonous calorific chorus. Jax struggled to his side, rubbing his round stomach, barely cognizant of his binge. Douglas too needed a breather (and a belch) as butterscotch brewed in his belly slowly but surely turning to fat. And our captain nearly blew up, his stomach taut as a balloon, unable to breathe without popping.

Slowly but surely our heros would find rest on this planet and wake up hours later, hundreds of pounds heavier and ever hungrier for another stuffing session that'd rival a black hole.

[stardustpinkart]

Encanto Oc and Story!

A lot of people come up with oc girls for Bruno :P But I decided to do something a little different. This is also a Papa Bruno story, if Mirabel was his!

Carmelita, thats her name. She is shy and meek, and became friends with Bruno in there early 20′s/30′s. Both were awkard and easy targets and did not overwhelm each other. Conversations can be jittery but, there a level of comfortableness between them over time.

However things did get awkard. You know how it is, especially in certain times and countrys. How many people told you you’d like boys when you grew up, you should get married, you’ll change your mind someday?

Its annoying and confusing isent it? And thats the case for these two. They felt like they HAD to feel these things, it was normal. That if they tried it would come. But if its just not in you, it wont come.

They tried being a couple, kissing... And in one instance, sex. Expecting a feeling of love to come if they tried hard enough. But it was anything but romantic. Both were forcing it, clumsy, scared, stiff, painful. It was not ideal.

They decided to pretend it never happened, act like normal, go about there buisiness and just hang around...

Only it wasent that simple. Carmelita started getting very sick in the mornings...

It only takes once.

At firts she confronted Bruno with it who was probably in denial, no way he could be a father, it was only one time no way a baby could be coming. It lead to fights and miscommincation...

And it did not last long just between them. Somehow people found out(I dunno if Dolores overheard, or her parents noticed her sickness and weight gain, and put two and two together.)

Shit hit the fan then, especially on Carmelita’s side. Her papa was a typical man rules the house keeps his family in line with a fist type. She was terrified of him. He dragged her by her wrist screaming obscenties at the Casita, how that cursed bastardo got his daughter pregnant!

Alma was shocked to say the least... This was a fine mess.

I dunno about now, but often single mothers and there children would be badly treated. It was openly scorned, you’d be see as a shamless hussy, denied work, a place to live, even the children would be called horrible things by “those with moral values”. It was considered the norm.

So to prevent such stigmatism Alma suggested the two marry to save face. To make the best of this bad situation, the baby derserving a fathers name, etc.

They both sort of went along with it, not knowing what to do. They dident have a lot of chioce and it was hardly the child’s fault. Maybe it would be okay...

At first it was alright. They were rather happy and surpised over the baby being born, little Mirabel. But after awhile...

Both knew they werent in love with each other, all this happened by accident. I imagine there both aromantic really but trying to go with the social norm? Alotugh Carmelita wouldve liked a baby even though shes not interested in sex or romance.

Carmelita felt like a bird in a golden cage. It mightve been better than home, be she was still being ovebeared, fussed over and given rules and expected to behave a certain way. She was a Madrigal now. That, and noticing how things worked around Casita. Everyone tense and anxious, pretending to be happy, pressured to be useful to community even at a young age. Not to mention the clear effect it had on Bruno, the guys a nervous wreck.

With Abuela already gushing over how the new Baby would be an additional star to there fantastic family, Carmelita began to feel suffocated and worried over the future of her child. She dident want her child to grow up in this perfectionism. But what could she do?

Seeing her unhappy and, worried himself over the future of there child, that she might end up like him(already knowing his mothers love was conditional), he helped her leave the Encanto. It would mean not seeing her or Mirabel again but, for there own good(so like how he hid in the walls to protect her).

Carmelita and Mirabel moved to a small village, living in a small but happy house surrounded by flowers and kind people. Her mama was the one who taught Mirabel to sew, that was how they made money. Mirabel grew up free and happy, but she was aware of her father and his family. Carmelita never lied to her or spoke down about him. He was a good man but things just werent how they might like them. And she got somethign wonderful out of it, a daughter!

So she knows about the magic and the Encanto and all that, but shes never seen it. Untill, by the time shes 15, Carmelita grew terribly sick and died. She told her while she was ill to go find her papa, not wanting to leave her all alone in the world.

While she was gone and growing up, Bruno got more put down and rumours flung around the village. He was constantly threatened or pressured into telling where they went(Carmelitas father wanted to know, as did Abuela)... But he never caved in. Bruno’s very nerovus be he can also be feirce and stubborn as weve seen? He doesent even KNOW for sure, so that he coudlent be forced to tell. He refuses to do visions ever again for the same reason, just incase he would accidenlty reveal where they are(any telltale signs or recognizble landmarks).

He probably feels more self loathing, as he tends to take the blame for everything on himself, whether its his fault or not. One of the few MEN to actually try and take resposnebility in such a case. Its bad enough Mirabel has HIM for a father, people will no doubt say things or act like she’s cursed to. He’s Bruno, all he does it mess things up. He did that already, feels like he messed up Carmelitas life, she could have married to someone she loved, a NORMAL family. He felt by helping her leave it was the onyl thing he could do for her.

But he still misses her and there baby sometimes. One time he caves in, the worries in his head going round and round, and has a vision. Though he’s terrified yet again it’ll be something bad, their in dire straits.. BUT, for once, its a good vision. I figure the future can be minutes, days, or even years apart. So he might be seeing them after a few years have passed, as they would be tommorow. They look perfeclty happy. And that reassures him, that at least there safe and doing well. Perhaps keep the tablet somewhere safe like a remeberance photo? Few ever go into his room so, a good hiding place would be more than enough.

Thats all the info I have for now but might add more what if’s and possibities at a later date. I like the idea that every action exists in another universe? So, anything can happen. One thing can be canon, the other could be an alternate universe.

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

I am not my insecurities reflection- a truthful based oneshot

IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE PLEASE READ

Ok, this will be a long author’s note but please bare with me as this is very important for you to understand this oneshot. For some context here because I havent posted alot about her yet, this is a oneshot about my Dc oc Gracie Lucio, set kinda in the same universe(i guess) of the teen titans judas contract movie( with Damian as robin) and its a oneshot written partly out of a vent of my own body image issues and partly out of an expression of how I’ve learned to look past said issues slowly.

But this gets very angsty until the end

Now to give a bit more context for the piece itself. The oc herself, Gracie Lucio( because I havent posted any art of her yet) for the reader’s understanding, she is not human, she is a werewolf(it feeds into her story so dont get me started on it alot of research went into this aspect of her character and it plays into her body issues)and body wise looks similar to Dick in the first season of Young Justice. Shes a naturally thin figured , broader shouldered girl who could( if she really wanted to) pass as a feminine boy with short jaw/ barely chin length hair( think of a thick messy longish pixie cut of dark hair). So shes naturally lean and lanky and a little underdeveloped for a 13 year old girl and as a heroine she has toned muscles from years of hero work. Most wouldnt see her having too many insecurities about her body image and appearance, but in truth shes riddled with them. She ages a bit differently than humans, it takes her body longer to develop and even then in some areas it develops differently all together. She struggles to gain any extra weight or build up natural feminine curves, something she wants. She WANTS to look like other girls her age, with more developed and heavier bodies, with curves and more weight and an actual figure. But with a supernaturally high metabolism added on top of a already genetic based thin figure and a intense and sometimes rigorous training and workout routine plus her work as a heroine gives no leeway to gain really any extra weight, its always worked off one way or another. And this causes...comments to be made about why she looks that way by civilians. and though she never shows it publicly  she takes many of these, usually not flattering and sometimes cruel and rude, comments to heart(much like I used to unfortunately) and it worsens her negative feelings. This is a small story of her seeing those problems and issues and trying to face and overcome them. This is more centered around Gracie and Dick and Jason and their platonic and sibling like relationship as they help her through her darker times( again, this is partly me expressing my own personal struggles with body image (which arent the exact same as the character but the language and the comments are very similar)and partly how those two helped inspire me to have more confidence in my body no matter what I look like) and also a deeper peek into her complex relationship with Damian(but thats not the biggest focus) Sorry this was so long I mightve info-dumped a little but its important to understand the story. I hope you guys enjoy?

This is also told in Gracie’s point of view

This will cover some pretty deep kinda issues like body image problems and over eating and weight loss/gain and mentions of eating disorders without really discussing them and bullying so if that upsets you in any way now is the best time to scroll past for your own sake, I dont want you to upset yourself over my crappy emotional writing

I do not look that bad.

That’s what I have to force my mind to accept as I look into the mirror, meeting my own aqua green eyes hesitantly.

I always hated looking in the mirror lately, especially after training or after bathing, like now as I stood in the middle of my room in a slightly loose training type sports bra and spandex shorts. I don’t even want to glance down at my body, out of fear for seeing the same thing I always do.

‘She so skinny...is she eating right’

‘She needs to eat more and gain some weight’

‘what a twig for a superhero’

‘how have bad guys not snapped her in half? Jesus Christ I could probably break her with a sneeze!’

‘What a bad influence shes setting for young girls with such an thin figure!’

‘I think He needs to eat more Christ that poor boy must be starving! Why isn’t Nightwing feeding him more’

The flashes of comments flooded my mind the moment my eyes flickered down to the rest of me. To my thin, unfeminine figure. My underdeveloped and flat birdcage of a chest. To my lanky, toned, too flat stomach. The pinched waist figure. The flat empty expanse I called hips that blended too well into my too dainty looking bony legs. I looked too fucking skinny. And maybe they were right...as a hero I was a role model to those younger than me, and I promoted a Bad Body Image for girls to idolize with my lanky boy figure.

And it was a horrible body type I had no goddamn control over.

My species was not an easy one to live as, especially not intermingled with humans. The team knew, the team understood, but the rest of the world didn’t. As a lupinotuum pectinem, or lycanthrope which in easy translation is simply “Werewolf”, my whole body inner workings were different. Most of my kind were naturally lean and thin, like tall healthily thin model athlete body types and in general the females, even alpha females, were practically born twig like almost. And on top of that our bodies developed....differently. I was not raised by a pack or by my own kind after age 8, so even I didn’t know the full extent but females bodies took longer to grow and it made it very hard for them to gain weight because of the unnaturally high metabolism. Add being a superhero who once trained under a certain league member to the mix and you go from being the “healthy and admirable” type of skinny to the “unhealthy and concerning”type of skinny.

I hated it, and I hated my body. I hated pictures of me from the neck down, because they all looked the same no matter who they were with. And I saw the comments everyone made. Whether its a surprise photo Garfield took dragging me into the picture to commemorate something or another or me taking pictures around Gotham or Blüdhaven with Dick on the social media Gar helped me set up, or even the rare photos I’d get to take with Jason or Damian or Tim and get to post. Every time the flood of comments were the same. The same things I now repeated over and over as I looked over my body angrily.

OMG look at that poor girl is she ok??? She looks like she needs to be hospitalized!

Christ almighty BB isn’t it too early to be posing with skeletons?? LOL

Dude not funny that girl must be anorexic or something.

Such a cute sibling couple but sweetie you need a fast food break to add some fat to those bones!

Fuck kid go eat something instead of taking pictures

Awwww you two look real happy! I hope you’re on the way to lunch or something!

Holy shit your guy’s size difference is so vast its almost worrying

how are you even alive with that little weight

Go eat some junk food or something before you pass out

OMG look at her shes so small and stick like! Her clothes look like they’re hanging off a scarecrow!

That girl cannot be healthy tell me someone is making her eat more

Every time its always the same damn thing....

I couldn’t do it anymore. I turned away from the mirror nearly in disgust and went back to changing into more casual clothes, bitterly noting how my clothes did in fact seem to hang awkwardly on my body as if I was too thin for them to fit correctly. Like they always did lately.

Ew look at her she looks so gross all stick-like like that!

What a fucking twig of a girl! Are those her ribs poking through her shirt??

Bitch go eat a fucking hamburger you need some damn food in you.

God that weight cant be healthy you need a doctor!!

     “Kid? Yo kid you in there?” My head jerked up from the comments flooded screen of my phone to meet Jason’s eyes, catching the quirk of his eyebrow as he sat across the diner table from me. We were at a diner he favored whenever he came into town to visit, a little family owned treasure with delicious and greasy food and the sweetest staff on earth. We frequented the spot during his visits, our own personal little thing since we’d gotten closer. I plastered on a smile and ignored the slight narrow of those blue eyes, the small furrow of his brow got as I snapped off my phone and set it aside.

      “Sorry Jay, BB tagged me in something dorky and I got distracted. So what were you saying?”

He didn’t believe me, and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t the most convincing at that moment but I kept that damn plastic smile on my face and snagged some of his curly fries right in his face, making him crack a smile and smack my hand away from his tray.

      “ Hands off my food, eat your own wolfie.” I rolled my eyes at the stupid nickname I’d been branded and let the plastic smile slowly be replaced by a more genuine one as we began chatting again, grabbing my over sized cheeseburger and finishing every last bite and moving onto the large fries and two milkshakes, hopelessly praying that maybe this time the calories would stick and trying to push away the comments to the back of my mind. I was with Jason and we were having a damn good time, and I wasn’t going to let those comments ruin his visit...not again.

You should be ashamed. All you’re doing is promoting bad eating habits looking like that.

You’re such a bad influence for young girls who idolize you with such a horribly unreachable appearance.

Shes too bony to ever be considered pretty

Does she have a eating disorder or something?

I stiffened instantly startled by a hand on my shoulder, turning off my phone  instinctively and making the endless comments disappear into darkness before whoever could see them over my shoulder. The hand was big, calloused, and gentle and I felt myself relax as I looked up behind me with a smile.

         “ Hey Dick, did you need something?” He smiled down at me with that big bright smile that made all the dark thoughts and feelings melt away and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, blue eyes meeting aqua green.

          “ Well I was wondering if you’re doin’ anything right now or if you’d want to go catch dinner with Kori, Dami, and I. I noticed that you’d skipped your usual early dinner....” I wasn’t surprised he noticed, he normally did...

Once again that smile plastered itself on my face as I told him I’d love to, and to just let me go get changed into something better. I saw his hesitation at the fake smile, practically smelled it on him and prayed he wouldn’t bring it up right now, god please don’t ask now or I might just break...

Maybe god is listening because he didn’t mention it and just told me to meet them by the front doors of the tower in ten.

How are you not dead yet?

Jesus Christ stop promoting your eating disorder like its a good thing!

She looks so sickly is she ok? :(

Yeah shes sick, sick in the damn head for posting such disgusting pro-Ana pictures

How can you post pictures with a clear conscience looking like that?

Some “superhero”

I was wrong, no god was listening to me.

Dinner was rough to get through, even if it didn’t start that way.

For once I didn’t have to worry or dread possibly checking my phone for anything, I turned it off by the time we got to the restaurant. I even got a small compliment from Damian on our way in, though it was more a snark at me not tripping up the stairs. But it was Damian so I snapped right back with a smile, knowing he didn’t really mean it. Sitting beside Dick and across from Damian, I nudged his foot with mine in a silent gesture to cheer up even a little. He huffed through his nose but I saw his body relax and it made me relax. Those moments before the food came, our chatter and soft laughter as we looked over the menu, and the soothing knowledge knowing that Dick pulled me and Damian along to this dinner so we would go out on a date ourselves, ever the best brother and wingman. The mood was light and pleasant and I could see even the ever sharp and moody Dami lighten up a little by the time we ordered. Maybe the mood shifted into something different as we waited for our food and I was sipping on my tall glass of iced cola, when Damian’s fingers casually brushed over the top of my unused hand that laid peacefully on the table. The gesture was subtle and light, quick enough to miss if your senses weren’t sharp. I didn’t acknowledge it and neither did he, a silent understanding that words would just ruin whatever this was. I accepted that happily, as he was much more engaged in the conversations and even smiling a little more during them as he debated with Kori on leading strategies. Things were pleasant, comforting at that table in those few seconds before the decline, Dick smiling and chuckling at his lover and little brother, Said lover and brother having a more upbeat discussion about different leadership styles and their effects, and lightly debating which work better for what. And Damian’s hand next to mine, ever so lightly brushing against it in his wordless way to say I was still there and at even the smallest twitch I’d have his attention again. Dick ruffled my hair and asked how my online courses were coming along, since I didn’t attend schools publicly and I was more than happy to babble about my classes, and my current work in them. It was nice and I was happy, all the horrible feelings from before draining away as I tuned everything else but these three out of my enhanced hearing. Why had I even felt so shitty when I had great people like them in my life?

Then I heard it as that damned supernatural hearing tuned back in to the rest of the world.

The words and whispers and mutters and the blatant gossip and bad mouthing.

“Look at that younger girl sitting at that table dear...shes so thin I think she should be in a hospital not a restaurant.”

“Ewww mom look that girl looks like a skeleton!”

“ Honey shush….”

“Is….is that girl ok?”

“Dude of course she isn’t just look at her shes unhealthy as fuck. Probably has some kind of eating disorder too or something.”

It all flooded over me and all of my happy mood washed away under the wave. I couldn’t tell if the others could hear them so I grit my teeth tried to tune it all back out, trying so hard to focus more on Kori’s explanation of her points. My hands began to curl up subconsciously, making Damian’s attention snap to me. Fuckin I….no, I cant tell him...I shouldn’t. I forced my hand to uncurl and that stupid smile sprawled across my lips as if someone had put tape over them. I saw his eyes narrow and near begged mentally for him to not say anything or for Dick to distract him...anything.

“Ahem….your meal.”

I have never more thankful to a waitress before in my life...until I saw the look she gave me as she placed my admittedly large order of food in front of me, something that was normally a platter for two people’s worth of beef and sides. I caught the judgmental and suspicious look she had glancing between me and my food and I felt shame burn all over, starting to hang my head to avoid that damn look.

“ If this is all our food then your job is done. Don’t you have OTHER tables to be serving?” Damian’s curt and sharp tone cut through the air and briefly through my shame. This waitress knew nothing about me and i certainly owned no one any explanations about my eating habits, so why was she hanging around giving me looks about my food…?

“ Damian don’t be so rude!” Dick cleared his throat and I felt his strong arm wrap protectively around my shoulder as he leaned close to the edge of the table while Kori’andr apologized for Damian’s attitude vaguely. But I could hear it, there wasn’t much life to her apology. It sounded like a politely required apology, almost...defensive?

“ I am so sorry about my little brother Miss. He’s also sorry. But do you need anything else since we seem to be all set here but you’re still hanging around when you must be very busy…?” Dick’s words were sweet and cheerful, but there was an edge to his tone that gave a clear warning. His arm around me tightened a little protectively as he gave one of his signature charming smiles that could light up half the damn city as he then inquired if there was some sort of problem. The waitress stammered that there wasn’t any problem and that it was fine and for us to enjoy our meal before scampering away to continue her work. I felt other patrons eyes most DEFINITELY on us now and I couldn’t help shrinking into the taller man’s side to hide.

“ I’m sorry this keeps happening…” I murmured to him as our respective dates started eating and slowly reviving their conversation, moving on to mission recounts and training while Damian shot a dark look at the other patrons that made them look away. Dick gave my shoulder a squeeze and i moved closer for that familiar warmth and comfort...my chest felt heavy and my appetite had died and I wanted to curl up in my room and die of the shame. But I couldn’t, he wouldn’t have let me. So instead I instinctively sought out the safety Dick’s presence brought me, like a protective older sibling whose arms I could be enveloped in and forget about the harsh world outside them.

He knew without words, catching my body language before anyone else at the table. He knew me best.

“ Do you want to leave? We can get to go boxes and enjoy this meal all the same back at the tower, or even mine and Kori’s apartment. Is that what you’d rather do?” It was tempting, oh god it was so tempting to just say yes and let him lead me away while I re-gathered myself, same way he did when we were both 13 and living under the same roof...before���

I shook my head and forced those thoughts to the very back of my mind. I was in a dark enough place of mind already without that.

“ N-no...you guys set this up...i...i don’t want one nosy waitress to ruin our whole meal. Lets just eat ok D?” He smiled at the nickname and ruffled my hair with a nod, both him and Kori making sure I knew if things got too uncomfortable we could leave and the heaviness eased a little at their consideration. I started picking at my food and slowly regaining my appetite, once again nudging Damian with my foot to start up conversations. I ignored the words for the majority of the dinner, we even began to enjoy ourselves again. The last straw was probably as we were paying and putting leftovers in to go bins. I was admittedly nibbling on food out of my bin, despite starting to feel full.

“ I swear you are a bottomless pit sometimes Gracia.” I rolled my eyes at Damian’s remark and gave him a small smirk as I licked my fingers clean.

“ This bottomless pit can still kick your ass in training wonder boy~” He grunted and I saw the challenge glow in his eyes as he smirked back, an excitement for tomorrow’s combat training flaring up between us.

“ You really shouldn’t mix up your delusional dreams with reality alpha PUP.” I said something snarky back and we began to bicker halfheartedly over who was winning. I finally snapped shut my leftover box and stood with Damian as we stared each other down confidently, Dick chuckling at our competitiveness.

“ Tomorrow morning’s combat training will certainly be interesting with these two all riled up already.” The words didn’t fully process as I cracked my knuckles and squared up to the admittedly….taller boy.

“ Last I checked Damian I was ahead 11-10. And tomorrow, I just cant wait to make it 12.” He gave a hard laugh to my face and faced up to me with a smirk as our other two companions stood and shooed us more in front of the table so they could leave their seats. He opened his mouth to say something likely scalding and snarky back at me when the worst comment pierced between us both like a goddamn bullet.

“ Damn, I never knew such a sickly, too skinny bitch like her could eat like such a fat fucking pig.”

I think I stopped breathing as my body flinched at the following laughter. The man was clearly on the tipsy side and sitting at a larger table with a group of laughing friends, though the one who said it was standing next to the table with a drink that reeked of the cheapest alcohol this restaurant probably sold, and he didn’t stop there. Oh god of course he didn’t stop there. He kept laughing and loudly making obvious comments at me and openly mocking me and how much I ate to his table, either fully aware of what he was doing and that we could clearly see and hear him or too drunk to really care as more insults and name calling that I had heard and seen and read plenty of times before fell from his mouth. My heart was pounding in my ears as the next few moments happened slowly.

I thought I had seen anger plenty of times before, the worse being the one and only time someone made a malicious joke about my appearance to my face when I was walking beside Jason and it took all my supernatural strength to drag him off and away the guy before he murdered him in broad daylight and to keep him walking to wherever we had been heading.

I had seen pissed, but I had never seen downright hellish fury until that moment when I looked at Damian and Dick.

I had seen Damian mad, and angry, and pissed, a few times in our first meetings at me personally. I had seen Dick mad, angry, and pissed off a a fair chunk of times, even if they had never been directly at me. I had never seen this expression on either of them in those times. And in those few moments that passed almost in slow motion and Damian began to lurch forward with murderous intent the thought finally hit me. ‘ Was this...the first time these two had really heard the comments about me? Oh god…’ I felt like I was moving in honey as Damian stalked past me and I tried to reach out to him slowly, a gleam to his eyes that made my blood go cold.

If someone was to ask me in the future what I believed Death looked like, I would say with completely conviction that death would have the exact eyes Damian had in that moment: lethal, merciless, and furious. And he would have Dick’s cold expression, a look I never wanted to see on the normal cheerful man’s face ever again.

Time snapped back to a normal speed like a whip and my hand grasped nothing but air as Damian stormed over to the man.

“D...da--”

“What did you just say you disgusting drunk.” I might’ve shivered at his tone and I felt Kori’s hands on my shoulders tugging me back protectively as she looked down at me worried.

“ Gracie...don’t listen to him, there’s no reason to cry.” Cry? What was she talking ab--

That’s when I felt it, something warm and wet sliding down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. I...I was crying. My walls and my limit of bottling things in for one day was crumbling away as I watched Damian go to confront the man, my voice disappearing under the surge of hurt and anxiety. I couldn’t even say his damn name. I felt frozen and helpless as Dick stalked after Damian, fists clenched.

I had to do something say something anything to stop them before things went badly I had to I had--

“Eh?What the fuck did you say to me brat?”

“ You heard me you worthless piece of filth. Apologize to her, now.”

I needed to do something anything as I felt myself crumbling. Why wasn’t Dick stopping him why

“ And what if I don’t pipsqueak? You gonna hit me? Now scram. Maybe take your little bitch to a hospital for treatment instead of parading her around a restaurant with normal people!”

“ He might not do anything, But I will. Now take it back before things get messy.”I think my body began trembling as I watched panic swelling. I just wanted to leave and go home. I didn’t want to see this unfold, I just wanted to be home at the tower curled under my covers to simulate the warmth of another person holding me. I wanted to be anywhere, anywhere else then stuck in this nightmare.

So I moved without thinking and lunged, aiming for the back of Dick’s jacket to grab and ready to swallow any shards of pride and beg to leave. Instead I collided with Damian’s back and rolled with it, hugging him tightly from behind and tugging back with a whimper.

“ P-please you two...l...lets just leave...please lets just go home please…” Kori grabbed Dick’s arm firmly and tugged him back.

“ Dick...shes in the midst of an anxiety attack, let it go and lets leave. We need to get her out of here.” He took a difficult deep breath but nodded glaring down the man harshly enough that he flinched and scurried to the bar with his tail between his legs mumbling insults. One of his friends started to stand and began nervously apologizing, though one vicious look from the boy I was holding shut him up fast. It took me and Kori working together to drag the two out of the restaurant and the ride home was tense and silent. I couldn’t look at any of them, instead opting to stare at my feet wiping my eyes.

“ Does that happen often. People talking about you like that.” His cold tone made me flinch a little. At this point I was so upset and anxious and emotionally drained on the inside that I thought Damian was mad at me of all people for what happened. Those dark thoughts began to slowly bubble up to the surface and my insecurities screamed that he blamed me for what happened in the restaurant. I remained silent, too upset to answer. I heard his growl of annoyance and I began to hunch up, ready for a verbal fight.

“ Damian drop it for now. Shes in no right place of mind to talk about it.” Dick warned from the driver seat with a low voice that reminded me he was also upset and angry. When we got back   to the tower I didn’t wait for anyone to say anything, I just bolted for my room as fast as I could, at a inhuman, unnatural speed that they couldn’t keep pace with.

I stayed locked in my room for three days, not willing to face any of them the next morning during training. Everything was heavy and hurt and it was hard trying to rebuild those shattered walls of protection, that image of unbothered confidence. I stayed in bed locked away from the world and curled up under the weak protection of my sheets mostly unresponsive to those outside it.

The first to come knocking and checking on me was Kori, asking if I was ok and if I needed to talk. She left after a little while of trying for a response unsuccessfully though, saying she’d come back to check on me later. It was maybe an hour later that Garfield came knocking, asking why I’d missed breakfast AND training. His voice was concerned as he asked if everything was ok and if I was even in there. The concern poked painfully into my silence, tempting me to speak and make myself vulnerable.

Vulnerability killed. I knew that first hand. So I forced myself to stay quiet until his knocks and footsteps faded away.

The rest of the day passed in a bit of a self deprecating blur, only marked by Kori’s two other attempts at my door. The last one I barely noticed as exhaustion kicked back in and I drifted off into an unsteady sleep

The next day after I woke up things still went by in a near timeless blur. I could hear my phone buzzing and vibrating and rattling for my attention but I left it there on the nightstand unnoticed and curled further under the sheets, lost in a slate tinted world of dark thoughts and darker temptations. But that day was harder to drift away through.

The first to stop by was Jamie, knocking a few times and calling out to me with concern and worry clear in his voice as he asked if I was ok. He asked if I’d eaten at all since yesterday, since he hadn’t seen me leave my room. The thought of eating made my stomach stir and my body curl around it ashamed. He knocked a few more times after that, his voice growing a bit more worried at the lack of answer. After awhile I heard him walk away and I barely lifted my head as I hugged my too skinny too unhealthy body close, feeling those blaring imperfections and flinching at myself.

It was no wonder everyone said those things...if so many people said them so often then they must be true.

The next to come by was Raven. She only knocked twice and gave a small sigh.

“ Gracie...I know you’re in there. If you need someone to talk to...my room is in the next hall over, and I will be here to listen. I wont force you to come out...just please remember you aren’t alone here. You have the team behind you.” I bit my lip hard enough to make it bleed to keep my ensuing whimper silent. The words, soothing and reassuring in context, stabbed into my heart and my resolve. I WANTED to depend on them, to throw open the door and break down under the assurance I could and would not be treated differently after, and be assured and comforted and remind of the positives. I wanted it so badly I was scared of it. Or maybe...I was scared of it NOT happening as those damn fears and insecurities and dark thoughts sowed heavy doubt through me. She lingered a little longer than Jaime, eventually her footsteps disappearing. I remember meekly poking my head from the sheets to stare absently out the half covered windows lost in thought, time slipping by me once more to the point I almost didn’t register Garfield and Kori both stopping by my door again at least twice more worried.

When Dick stopped by as the sun was setting was when the harder pain set in.

I heard the knocks and ignored it in favor of the changing color sky the sunset offered, my room washed in a dim orange and amber gleam. Then I heard his voice, soft and sick with worry from the outside and my heart thudded so hard it hurt. Hard.

“ Gracie...C’mon Gracie-girl please open the door. We’re all worried about you...I’m really worried about you. You haven’t eaten for a day and a half...Please let me in...” I almost broke completely at the pain in that familiar voice, the voice I never wanted to be the cause of being in pain or anguish again.

Well looks like I did a GREAT job of preventing that didn’t I?

He knocked again, asking and pleading and trying to reason, anything to get that door to open. My eyes burned with hot fresh tears and I curled up into a tight ball whimpering softly and breaking my vow of silence.

“....D-dick...p-please...j-just leave me a-alone…I-i just need some t-time alone…”

My voice came out pathetically weak and shaking with tears, which I know he heard. There was a silence for a few moments, perhaps shock that I actually answered this time. I felt warmth sliding down my cheeks as he sighed and reluctantly muttered that he’d come check back on me tomorrow and that there was leftover dinner ready for me to heat up on the kitchen counter before he slowly walked away. His fading footsteps echoing in my ears. Was my heart breaking on every step away? I couldn’t tell. That feeling slipped into the dark thoughts that followed the setting sun. Dark thoughts that also reminded me of the one person who HADN’T come to check on me, and the resulting pain of his absence.

The third day had been mostly quiet. It was almost a painful relief, quiet meant no additional pain of--

“ Gracia.”

That one word coming from Damian’s mouth sent so many things through me and sent any resolve I had spiraling away. His tone was a forced kind of neutral, he sounded as if he was trying to stay calm but it wasn’t exactly working. There was something to his voice I had no energy to figure out. He didn’t knock and there was silence for a few moments but I felt his presence remain.

“ You haven’t eaten since the restaurant.” No questions with him, he didn’t need to ask, always calm and analyzing.

“ ...You cant just stay in there forever Gracia.” A stern lilt to his voice, weakly enforced by the faint sound of his hand on the door. I could only whimper and curl up more. There was another stretch of silence before he sighed and his footsteps continued down the hall.

He was the only one to come check on me, a blessing and a damnation.

The day and night went by so listlessly I didn’t remember falling asleep, only waking up to banging knocks on my door. The volume grated on my sensitive hearing and made me flinch. Who would even be knocking like that…?

“ Oi. Kid. I know you’re still in there. Open the door.” Jason’s hard and no shit taking voice shot through me. Why...Why was Jason in the tower? Why was he in the city?

The knocking continued relentlessly, unlike the others. It even got louder and angrier.

“ Kid I said open this goddamn door.” There was no request or plea in his voice. It was a command, a harsh, cold command. I tried covering my ears with my hands and curling into a tight ball as the knocking continued. He wasn’t about to give up to a little girl.

I knew this too well.

“ Graciea Rosica Lucio I swear to god if you don’t open this goddamn door in the next couple second I will break it down. Now get off your fucking ass and answer me.” I don’t know what it was, but hearing his threat sent my body into mechanical motion, trudging over to the door and reluctantly unlocking it and letting it slide open with a low hiss, the banging finally ceasing. I couldn’t look him in the face, empty and ashamed it took threats to get me to open the door. So I stared dully at his boots and took in his scent as he grabbed the front of my shirt and dragged me back inside. I stumbled clumsily along with as he sat me on my bed and stood in front of me. I kept my gaze down towards his knees, the smell of nicotine wisping off his body in a way that told me he very recently had been smoking, no less than an hour ago most likely. Smoke and city is what filled my room. There was only a beat of silence before he spoke.

“ Look at me.” I lifted my head and stared at his chest and his crossed arms, unwilling to look him in the eyes. I couldn’t bare to see what kind of disappointed look he likely had on his face. Perhaps I didn’t want to see my reflection in his eyes, see the sickly, disgusting and bony figured girl with greasy hair and dark circles under dulled eyes and sallow cheeks. I heard the slight growl that rumbled from the back of his throat in warning and I briefly wondered if I would be forced to look him in the eyes. His arms uncrossed and I prepared myself for anything.

Anything except for two big plastic grocery bags filled with fast food bags and orders was dropped onto my lap, the contents still hot. I blinked slowly once, twice, and finally got enough courage in my confusion to look up at his face. When I did I was a little startled.

“ Eat. And you aren’t moving until those bags are polished off understand me?”

He looked visibly angry, eyes narrowed and mouth locked in a fearsome scowl with eyebrows furrowed. But his eyes were soft and worried and it took me a minute to realize worry was what was making his scowl so harsh. He crossed his arms across that broad chest again and I realized he was in his work gear, all the way down to the guns strapped to his thighs. All he lacked at the moment was his helmet and domino mask, his dark hair messier than usual and the white streak falling between his eyes. We had a staring contest and in those pupils I saw myself, I saw the shell I had become and it made me sick, breaking me briefly from the depressive haze.

How the hell had I let myself fall this far, this deep?

We didn’t speak until he grunted, eyes narrowing more in a way even those concerned blues didn’t weaken the glare as he spoke gruffly.

“ You better start eating before I start just shoving it down your damn throat.” I knew he would too. He wasn’t fucking around, I didn’t doubt he’d follow through with any threats made. Slowly I looked down at the pile of food and reached for the first bag, pulling it open and blinking fast as fresh tears stung my eyes.

It was from our favorite diner, and it was my usuals two cheeseburgers and large lightly salted fries with a second order of fat steak fries and fried pork strips. He’d even gotten all the little sides I enjoyed with it and I looked back up at him with a pained look. Maybe that look made him relax because his expression softened slightly, his voice quieting to something gentler.

“ C’mon now...I brought you all your favorites, now start eating...it’s been three days and your body cant handle that. We can talk after.” My shoulders slumped as all the tension stored in my body dissipated a little as he continued to speak, like a tightly pulled strong finally cut loose.

“ Kid I’m not mad at you. No one is. So just eat the food and then we’ll figure shit out, just like we do on any other visit.” I think the tears started falling because his face got blurry and there was warmth in my face. If I did start crying he didn’t say anything, just nodded at the bag. I gulped and slowly but surely pulled out one of the burgers and slowly took a bite, struggling a little to swallow it with a throat that was closing up from emotions. Once I did though my hunger kicked me hard and I began devouring the food, one bag after another.

It took me about a half hour to finish both plastic bags but I did, followed by slamming through at least two water bottles and one thick milkshake that almost made a mess. Jason simply watched over me as I ate from his spot in front of me. The silence was almost soothing, not painful as it had been before. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand as I looked back up at him and we made eye contact.

“ So are you going to tell me what happened? Really happened?” I broke his gaze to stare towards the floor as the acidic shame began to creep back over me. He sighed.

“ C’mon kid just let it out already. Who am I to judge? So why don’t you trust me like you USED to and tell me?” Those words shot through my heart and head.

I...I wasn’t trusting him...trusting anyone...I…i...

It was like Jason opened a flood gate.

It all came spilling out with a new surge of tears and mid sentence cracking sobs, my body physically heaving from the intensity as it all came out. All the months of insecurities and pain and doubts and fears and comments and negativity and hate and bullying came rushing out like a tidal wave and Jason took to all, listening to everything without a single word as I let everything out and let myself break down completely, wails and sobs replacing words eventually. I felt him shift and kneel in front of me, felt big strong sturdy hands grip my shoulders to steady me and keep me anchored as I buried my face into my hands and gasped out cries and pained wailing yowls that filled the room and spilled out of it. I vaguely remember the sounds of multiple hurried footsteps coming towards the door but I didn’t care. All I felt was Jason’s hands on my shoulders and his steady, continuous heartbeat in my ears as well as he strong breathing. One set of footsteps dared to enter the room and hurry over, only stopped by Jason’s calm voice.

“ Let her get it out, its the only thing that’ll help.” The footsteps stopped and eventually the wails faded into blubbering whimpers and whines and hiccups, constantly sniffling. I lifted my head to look at him through blurred eyes and got one brief sight of Dick standing behind Jason that sent me into a whole new wave of sobs.

God I’ve been nothing but selfish and now I’d fucking hurt Dick again even when I swore I’d never do that again and i--

I let out a high pitched whine that turned into pathetic blubbered and wailed apologies. Over and over like a broken record I couldn’t stop apologizing to them for everything even parts that weren’t my fault  in any way I still apologized for it I just couldn’t stop. Jason’s grip on me tightened only slightly before slipping away and for a single moment I was terrified I’d annoyed him with all the apologies and was about to add that to my list of them when two strong arms wrapped around me and and Dick’s scent surrounded me.

“ Shh shh shh shhh….shhh Gracie its ok now shh shh its ok I got you its not your fault…” I sniffled and wailed out more sobs and begs for forgiveness as I clung to him like he was a life preserver. And at that moment he was. He hugged me tighter and practically cradled me into his chest stroking my hair as he murmured reassurances, assuring me I was well forgiven and it wasn’t my fault. Everyone got insecurities especially when facing so much negativity. How I was so strong for fighting it for so long regardless. But it was ok to not always be strong and be able to handle it. That he was there and it was ok now. It took awhile but eventually all my noise quieted down to sniffles and hiccups and the occasional whimper as my trembling and heaving finally eased away into a limp tiredness. I felt exhausted but in a way different than the past couple days. I felt lighter and the more Dick spoke gently the lighter and more relaxed I felt,all the pain easing as he banished every dark thought one by one.

“ You ARE a hero Gracie.”

“ you aren’t a skeleton or a scarecrow or a twig.”

“ You are not too bony.”

“ You’re beautiful.”

“ You aren’t sick and you don’t need any doctors.”

“ You’re ok. The way your body works and retains weight naturally is not your fault.”

“ You’re only thirteen you’re still growing kiddo.”

“ I was scrawny and thin until I was at least sixteen Gracie its not that uncommon.”

“ You do NOT have to hold yourself to stupid human beauty standards.”

“ You’re beautiful to us, that’s all that matters.”

“ You’re ok, you have us.”

Each and every statement cleared my mind and I slumped against him with tears still falling down my cheeks. His hand carefully cupped the back of my neck in a soothing gesture to ease the wolf side of me, adding a very small amount of pressure to ensure the sense of security and safety the movement brought. I whispered out a hoarse thank you, my throat sore and raw but already beginning to heal. He smiled into my hair and I let my eyes slip shut in contentment. I felt...stabilized, as if the whole world had been constantly tilted dangerously under my feet for months and now it had finally been returned to normal, balancing me once again.

I felt a second, no technically third, hand tangle itself into my thick and greasy hair and ruffle it affectionately, fingers tangling themselves in the dark chestnut locks.

“ We’re always here for you kid. Whether you like it or not. You can be honest and confide in your inner circle Gracie. We aren’t going to look at you any differently...so next time don’t keep your mouth shut.” My nerves settled and I leaned into his hand with a loud hiccup, making him snort. I looked up and saw both older men smiling down at me, both with their own kind of soft expressions. I rubbed my eyes and wiped my nose and smiled back shakily, feeling like everything was going to be ok for the first time in a long while.

I learned a few things a few hours later, after I’d fallen asleep in Dicks arms and woke up on the couch out in the Tower’s game room with Garfield and Jaime looking after me. My head was resting on Garfield’s leg and he had his elbow rested on my upper arm comfortably as he and Jaime played some kind of two player video game, keeping their voices lower than usual to be considerate of me sleeping. Opening my eyes was difficult as they felt dry and crusted and stung from crying so much. But my throat was no longer sore. When they saw I was awake they paused the game and and told me they were happy I was up, as I had been out cold for at least a solid couple hours. That was when I learned the first thing : Dick and Kori had informed the team of the incident at the restaurant after the first day I stayed locked up in my room, and Garfield had let it slip in his rage that he thought I had finally stopped getting those comments, and confessed that I’d been getting bullied and harassed about my appearance online for months. What I found out was all those months what I failed to notice was Garfield fighting back on my behalf every chance he got. He defended me, constantly called people out for harassment and even worked on getting some of the worst and most aggressive ones banned. For months he’d been do it as relentlessly as he could, filling his own social medias with both our pictures and his constant defense and positivity towards me to fight it back. It got lost in my own comment section so I stupidly didn’t realize. It warmed my heart knowing he’d kept my back even when I never noticed or mentioned it, though he waved it off and just gave me his big old smile telling me it wasn’t that big a deal,

“ After all, you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat!” And he wasn’t wrong. But I still hugged him tight in thanks anyway, an embrace he happily returned as he warned me next time I lied about being harassed there’d be hell to pay.

I assured him there wasn’t going to be a next time anymore and for the first time in months finally wholeheartedly meant it.

The second thing I learned was Jaime told me during those first two days I was locking myself away Damian had gone back to the restaurant and used Bruce’s name to hunt that guy that had been harassing me down and gotten a few hefty harassment charges and minor endangerment charges slapped onto the guy, throwing in a sob story of how I was now in emergency care in the hospital because of him. I knew he didn’t throw his last name around often, didn’t exactly like having to do so to be taken seriously. The fact he did for me…

I had a lot more feelings for Damian after that knowledge.

The third thing I learned was that the only reason Dick and Kori hadn’t come by to check on me yesterday was was because they spent the entire time hunting for Jason to get his help with getting me out, and when they DID find him he stormed for the tower and made it there before they did somehow, he was that angry.

As they were telling me this and retelling a very tense video call between Nightwing and Batman during the second day Damian came in in his full Robin attire, regarding us stoically. When I saw him I stood and the room quieted as I approached him, the both of us observing each other. When we stood a foot apart I stared into his masked eyes quietly and he looked into my tired eyes. I saw his mouth start to open to speak and my body lurched forward without me, hugging onto him tightly.

“Thank you...you didn’t have to do that for me thank you thank you thank you…” He was quiet and I was about to let go and move away when I felt his arm come around me and grip the back of my shirt, returning the embrace. Neither of us was at a point that we were really physically affectionate by any means but my heart swelled when he hugged me back, leaning his head against my own and allowing me to bask in the warmth of his arms and his scent. When I felt him roll his shoulders I took that as my cue and slowly pulled away, gently pressing a kiss to his cheek as I did before retreating back to give him his space.

I think I saw his cheek flare pink but I’ll never say for sure because that would mean admitting just how red my own cheeks were.

I’d love to say that after that everything ended happily and perfectly and things went great forever and ever. But I cant, life doesn’t work like that.

But things did get better.

I was under heavy supervision several weeks, with almost stricter watches on my food intake to make sure I didn’t try to over eat or try to force weight gain. Bruce had me stay with him and Damian for a few weeks as well to make sure I didn’t slip back into that dark place. It was a bit smothering at times...but in all honesty I welcomed the smothering because I knew it meant how much they all cared. And staying with Bruce again...it brought up my mood believe it or not. Being in the manor brought back happier memories of my childhood and seeing the man I considered a fatherly figure more often perked me up. Plus I got to see Tim a lot more than usual in those few weeks, a perk and joy all in itself as he kept me company when he wasn’t too busy with his work. Tim was also the one who disabled all comments on my social medias one calm rainy evening in the lounge. I was grateful and he patted my head after as he read his case files. I think I might’ve fallen asleep against him, I cant say I fully remember. With each passing week I felt better and better. It took a long time for my self esteem and confidence to rebuild itself, but it got some jump starts. Perhaps the best part was two months later after a sparring session with Kori. She was giving me tips on striking with a staff when Dick and the big bad bat Brucie himself walked in.

“ Batman? Has something happened?” He shook his head and put his hand on my shoulder.

“ I’m going to borrow Gracie for a few minutes.” Dick gently took her hand and smiled as he whispered something to her as he led me out of the training room and placed a long bottle of what looked like red chewy vitamins into my hand. When I looked up at him confused he gave me some of the best news of my life.

“ These are specially created vitamins designed to accommodate your body’s inhuman metabolism. Tim helped me create them. They're designed to help regulate fats and carb distribution in your body and allow your body to hold onto and gain more weight without immediately burning it off. Take one every week and in a few months you should be up at least one weight class if not more as long as you keep to your regular healthy eating habits, just like you wanted. By Tim’s calculations within the year you should gain enough weight to have a thicker figure, though you may always retain this thinner “ballet-ques” figure...you will more closely resemble the figure of girls your age.” I stared up at him then at the vitamins and sniffled, fighting off tears of joy. All those weeks with Tim and his seemingly just curious questions about my species and their anatomy...the “ case files”...I owed Tim a lot for this.

“ It was Dick’s idea, after all that happened two months ago.” The softer tone brought a smile to my face and I nodded, barely restraining the urge to hug Bruce while he was in the cowl.

“ T-thank you...thank you this means more to me than you know…” He nodded and turned to leave but I caught the ghost of a smile on his face as he walked away.

And once he had I ran back into the training room and tackled Dick to the ground with a ecstatic howl, shifting mid leap into wolf form and licking his face in gratitude, making him laugh as he lazily tried to push away my affection.

I started taking them that day, and it took a few months for a noticeable difference to take place, but it did. My clothes and uniform stopped hanging off me like a walking scarecrow and I started developing the beginning of a feminine figure. I stopped trying to stuff my face too much at every meal and with every week after my self esteem raised back up a little higher. Maybe people saw it in the big, wide crooked smiles in pictures of me now, no matter who they were with. Or maybe the team saw it in the fact I stopped trying to hide my body in layers of clothes, walking around in my favorite tank top after missions instead of over sized sweatshirts and shirts, or the fact I didn't mind sudden pictures taken of me. Regardless it showed and in time I was more than happy to show off that confidence. Throughout it all Jason made near constant visits between jobs to make sure I didn’t have too major of setbacks and Dick stayed by my side as often as he could, supporting me and being a physical reminder almost that I was never alone.

And I didn't feel alone.

And one day as I was getting ready for an outing I paused in front of the mirror and looked at myself, looked at my slightly more filled out tank top and the small curve of slightly more defined hips and an actually fairly filled out stomach, a fuller figure to match my broader than normal shoulders. I slowly looked into my own eyes and after a moment I began to smile.

Somehow….I didn't hate looking into the mirror as much as I used to.

“ I do not look that bad. I look fine.”

“ Gracie c’mon you coming? C’mon the others are gonna leave without us!”

I smiled at my reflection wider before running off out of the room after Jaime’s voice.

“ Im coming!!”

I dont look that bad.

And now I could finally start to see that.

The end.

OOOOOOOH ITS FINALLY DONE ITS FINALLY DONE! 

Ive been working on this for three months now and it was really difficult to finish. Originally it wasnt supposed to be so angsty but...it turned out really angsty at the end.

@phantommoonpeople

@kid-crashed

@call-me-n0ni-chan

Tagging those I know will want to read this

I hope you all like it!!

[glyndaliker]

magnus is so cute! how old is he? how did you two meet?

Thank u! Thank u! he is Very Good!!

He’s ummm....Well I actually don’t know 100% his age, but he’s gonna be 7 sometime this year, presumably. So right now his age is “6-7″ :p

BOY STORY and BOY IMAGES under the cut

The age weirdness is because he’s a rescue cat. He was found sometime in 2012, in a feral colony livin that Hard Outdoors Life, and estimated to be “about a year old” by the shelter--and that’s All We Got!! lmao

I don’t know too much about what happened to him after that; I know that he’s been adopted at least once before, but ended up back at the shelter. Also at some point he was attacked by another cat? I think? his history....Vague(TM)

Anyway, we met in 2017 after I e-mailed the shelter--their website is, like, “hey send us a message with some details about yourself and we can help pick out a cat that suits your lifestyle”, you know--screening for single-cat homes and stuff like that. So I just overshared at the shelter e-mail lady for a couple hundred words abt my various disabilities and whatever else and they called back a few days later like “We think u’ll get along with this boy, wanna come say hi” and i was like YEAH IM FREE RIGHT NOW IM COMING OVER!!! FUCK!!!

(picture: magnus at the shelter in August 2017, keeping an ear out for other cats, full of acne and anxiety)

Turns out they were really touched by my email (???? it mightve been the part where i described how we could need one another, in a rly sappy way) and Selected this anxious orange boy for my anxious human self.

He’s very nervous around other cats, so being back at the shelter with all the others was really stressful for him. His anxiety about the other cats (and their consequent bullying of him) stopped him from both eating and using the litterbox. He only likes people, but in exchange he likes people A Lot--unfortunately to the point where he would only come down to eat if there was a human nearby. The rest of the time he was up in a cat tree or hiding under the cages.

So I come in and they’re like “THis boy. the Orange in the cat tree” and I go over to say hi, offer my hand, u kno the drill--and this Fuckin sweet boy starts rubbing on me and purring immediately, and u KNOW im a sucker for this!!!!! I WAS HELPLESS!!!! HIM CUDDLE!!!!! So he hops down and gets some food in him since there’s people nearby and im sitting on the floor like when. when can i have the BOY

So basically the shelter people were 100% Correct in their assessment that this boy is for me and im for him! That’s the story!

(october 2017: mango being very in the way)

Now he’s gained weight and is prancing around the apartment like hes a lil lord and this is his kingdom (and, famously, getting excited about things for notes on tumblr). He likes standing on his hind legs and hates the doorbell. He’s cautious around new humans, but if you stick around for a few minutes he’ll come peeking out--and if you offer your hand and give 1(one) cuddle, you’re good in his books for good. xD

(those eyes.....so full of love.....those lil paws...kneadin the air...)

hes a VERY good boy and im very happy to have him....@ previous owners: mine now. suckers

[savnofilter]

ayye let's get it. before anyone starts, this response is not hate. im just putting my input and typing up in short what lyssa missed in apollo's doc.

although the doc mightve looked rude or "tore your work apart" it's because a lot of stuff you have said in it were not okay. apollo isnt the only one who thinks that your fic was like that, and you could of easily deleted all asks about it. i mean you even answered an ask telling you to read it for your benefit.

just because apollo associates with me, it does NOT mean that i made them do it. i had no knowledge that they would be doing it, so dont exempt yourself from criticism just because me and apollo are friends.

this is not a matter of you wrote a dark fic where you properly tagged it and kept it on your blog and out of the main tags. if youre going to use that excuse, then put "fatphobic" in the tags next time. this is a matter of how you wrote body, weight, and mental health terribly. while some people thought they were going to be comforted by your fic, they were triggered instead.

if you still dont understand the points made in the post, i will put it in bullets.

-> body weight gain: your pseudoscience of how the body works was your first mistake. if youre going to write something youre not well versed in, give yourself time to know the subject before you dip your toes in it.

if we compare shouto's body to a regular body (we will use a japanese average body for reference) this is the comparison:

since we dont have an exact weight for shouto (or at least i didnt find it), then i will average with the guys at my school because his body is built like a teenager who does constant activity.

*we'll estimate it to 150-180 lbs now simply because once again, he trains more than just going to the gym. we will also factor in that you did write him in pro-hero era, meaning he would be more built at this point in time.

with this fact, shouto portions on the muscle and fat are 60/40. which means him gaining that much weight is not only incorrect, it's also VERY concerning. whatever them doctors was doing to him needs to be brought in for a meeting..... this brings me to my next point.

-> how does a coma work: essentially what happens is that you are hooked up to a machine to keep all your vitals and nutrients up while in your catatonic state. you lose weight more than you gain in the duration of time you are in a coma.

when you finally wake up (the process being a slow one since the body has to get prepared to being in use again), you have already lost weight. not enough to make him very skinny to the point of being over fed by his nurses.

sources 1, 2, 3.

so the timeskip and the time after that in your fic was also incorrect. bad it been maybe somewhere around 7 months+ or so, i think that wouldve done it much more justice.

-> how you portrayed being chubby: there's a difference between

chubby

fat

obese

being chubby and fat are okay, but it does NOT mean they are automatically unhealthy (obese). now yes it is a thing where people like to push that not being fit is not healthy, but it's also important that you educate yourself before pushing that narrative too. especially since you apparently dont know jack shit about from your response.

im probably one of the most fit people youll ever meet, but i heave the fuck out of my lungs. only because of other health issues that hinder my breathing, and have never been because of my weight. your fic described and presented the normal stereotypes to the extreme. saying things such as "breathing like a rabid animal" or that he started to heave after a couple of steps. the signs of fatigue dont only fall into the weight category, bringing me onto my next point....

-> mental health: i know you bunch arent that aware of people's health but i'll try and make and summarize it.

depression: shouto shows heavy signs of depression that reader somehow misses throughout the whole fic (or mayhaps chooses to ignore). you actually wrote his worries and anxiousness very well, but you failed to portray it correctly. body dysmorphia does play a part, but in his case it is more of his brain trrying to cope with the drastic change and not being able to.

- another thing about depression, doing normal tasks can be very taxing. in my lowest states even picking up my phone was too much/overwhelming.

anxiety: once again, written well, done incorrectly. showing that he cant get the same thoughts out his head, or that it keeps "bugging" him in a sense. i think where you fell short in this fic is that instead of educating yourself on the topic (chubby bodies) you instead put your own thoughts and projections to fill in the blanks.

links apollo provided:

depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, mental illness, mental health 1, 2, 3.

-> toxic relationship: with your reasoning that you yourself have unhealthy habits kind of just proves the point that your fic was just a projection of you.

when youre comforting someone, why in the hell would you want to make them know you see their "flaws" just as much as they do? that is very toxic, and if shouto was in a worse state that would of probably sent him over the edge.

i wont even bother to understand where that idea is stemming from. i have written some lines you can use when you are comforting someone.

body dysmorphia:

"i may not know what youre going through, but i will listen to you. i think youre beautiful, and so do many out there too. although i havent been in your shoes im always here for you."

- if it's a more specific case, then you comfort them accordingly.

anxiety:

"it's okay to feel overwhelmed. even if this doesnt seem serious to other people, it's serious to you. please take all the time you need to calm down, take deep breaths and i will get you anything you need, okay?

depression:

"i dont know what it's like to be in your shoes, but just know that i am here for you. if you want to anyone please come to me. i will try to help you the most i can and we can get professional help if you ever feel overwhelmed, okay?"

mental health:

there isnt anything direct but saying things like "i am here for you" "i know these sources that can help you" are ways to help support someone who is feeling weary.

checking up is a way to also help support someone.

making sure you take notice on certain behaviors and stepping in if you like is necessary is also way you can help.

mental illness:

if you are dealing with someone who is mentally ill, it's like dealing with mental health.

NEVER leave them alone or overwhelm them.

dont reinforce their bad traits, once again this could send them over the edge.

mentally ill is the state of essentially being in a dangerous state of any mental problem, this does not automatically turn them bat-shit-bonkers.

when you are comforting someone who is mentally ill, make sure their okay. it's important to not take things to heart either (keeping a safe distance for yourself is important as well).

that's basically it. hope this didnt come off as throwing a temper tantrum, and i hope people can realize just because youre not well-versed in a topic doesnt excuse you from criticism. your condescending response shows that you probably didnt even read it, and left your followers to take care of the mess for you.

apollo's post wasnt hate and nowhere did they tear down your writing either. if your comfort fics are setting people off, then you really need to revise your work. keeping an open mind can help you learn and grow. that's my take on it, thank you!

@infinity2639 essay was really well made, it points out a lot of very true and concerning things, you should take a look at it.

for background, I wrote this chubby shouto just as a way to practice. it was done with the intentions of only being read by forty people at maximum honestly and it did pretty well for something I wrote in less than an hour, except I had one particular nasty comment from @infinity2639. now I won’t always say that comments are nasty, but they held no restraint in telling me that I was in the wrong for writing something like that - which of course they’re entitled to their opinion, but seeing that they were the only person to have this opinion i sought out how to improve on my writing because they spoke of how simple it was to fix. they then wrote a 21 paged “essay” which held no actual commentary on how to avoid writing such things, but instead ripped into every sentence and every word and chose to explain how it affected them. since it was a very me, me, me essay, I figured it was best to ignore it because I learned absolutely nothing from it other than the lengths people go to. so... consider this my response, and don’t come back asking for more details because I will not give any more.

so aside from the fact that the essay was written entirely on the basis that this one person decided to continue to read something that obviously triggered them instead of simply clicking off and realizing that this fic was not for them, let’s address these true and concerning things that they “pointed out.”

first and foremost this was a drabble, it was written on my phone and due to the nature of the content I went as far as to ask many people on how I dealt with the issues involving self image when you consider yourself to be fat/chubby/obese. I knew the dangers of what i was writing because yes, i’m not “qualified” enough to write on it from readers perspective, but I figured that maybe I could handle it from shouto’s. I got only positive reviews and feedback so I figured it was okay to move on.

this essay of theirs was obviously very, very personal - to the point where I will go as far as deeming it as being gatekeeping (this was supposed to be an essay on how to properly write on the topic of being self-fatphobic & writing healthy relationship dynamics, not a rant on how much they hated me). this was their opinion and in no way shape or form will I put them down for feeling this way. however, I will say if it made you uncomfortable yet you continued to read, it is not my fault nor shall you pin it on me.

you control your exposure to the content you come across.

the fact of the matter is that infinity and their supporting team of people are those i’m clearly having issues with right now, so it does little to make me believe that this is an actual issue and not boiled over emotions surrounding the ordeal on outside, uninvolved drama. i will admit that those own defensive emotions of mine are unwarranted because if you feel so strongly about my one work it doesn’t matter where you’ve aligned yourself, so i do apologize for initially not liking you - but seeing what you wrote and who you ranted to in those screenshots, i guess i wasn’t far fetched in my initial stance on you. the biggest thing again is that you decided to read something on chubby!shouto, you decided to continue to read through a fic that so very made you uncomfortable to the point that you were having panic attacks, you decided to finish it. I didn’t make you, I didn’t force you. when fics make you uncomfortable, click out of it. it is not my job as a writer to display only honey sweet intentions and if you’re expecting that, unfollow me.

moreover, i’m not an expert on this entire psychological thing - and I will admit that the only intelligence I have on it relies on things ive read, content i’ve watched, and my own personal feelings. obviously it wasn’t the best, I never have ever claimed to be someone who perpetuates only the cleanest and healthiest things even if I try to be well informed on the things I write because yes, while I don’t think you should learn from fiction, I understand that there are some people who do and I try to keep those in mind. the only thing I was trying to do was come at the fatphobic standpoint from a different angle. personally, if I say i’m fat, I don’t want people telling me that i’m not because I know the truth if I am or not. to me, fat has always been equated to being ugly/uglier. of course social norms today are evolving, but being fat is only deemed attractive if you are one curvy bitch, and I know for a fact that is not seen in every single person, so I tried a new approach. at the end of the day my opinion still is that being fat doesn’t make you ugly, and if that’s still an issue for you, are we really sure that i’m the fatphobic person here??? cuz it sounds like maybe it might actually be internalized in you.

but... it’s just.... concerning to me that the only people with your issues regarding my chubby!shouto post is basically you and only you. in the time it was posted I have gotten only positive reviews and anons. plentiful of anons and accounts have thanked me for my portrayal of the topic of being fat (after all, I was not discussing or debating the issues and technicalities of being fat, chubby, or obese) and going so far as telling me that your essay was complete bullshit, which I felt no reason to answer because still after all this time I keep my haters feelings in mind.

and i’m actually not a med student :( sorry that you esteem me so high that you believe that at 20 years old i’m already in medical school - so no, I don’t know the ins and outs of all of these things and i’m sure old doctors probably will fatshame and be much more fatphobic then I ever will be because again topics of being fat were different back then & fat itself isn’t universally applicable per person per case because everybody and person is different. people who have bmi’s far greater than mine are healthier and more fit than I am which is what matters at the end of the day. fat does not equate to health and beauty after all.

now the issues with the abusive relationship tendencies I guess you can pin that on me and my inability to elaborate my thoughts and intentions. verbally attacking was meant to be teasing but it didn’t sound correct/I couldn’t remember the word for teasing when I wrote it. i’m not always entirely articulate and I do fumble with my words and phrasings - as does anyone who writes for fun and not for a job - and if it hit you that deeply, i’m back to my square one thought!!!!!

stop reading things that make you uncomfortable :) it’s really not that hard at all, I promise.

[boobjesus]

Ok here's a sex question basically I'm a bisexual gal and I was dating this girl last summer right and we fucked and we fucked a lot a lot and it was sooo good and I got rlly good at fucking pussy and it's amazing but rn i really want dick and hav piv sex but I'm worried that it's different? And idk how to initiate sex w straight cis males? Like how different is it?? I've sucked a lotta dicks just not gone all the way with them cuz #birth control but anyways if u hav any advice about that!!!

hi hunni sorry 4 late reply ive been a Busy Woman . ok thats amazing and im jealous and so happy for u. Tbh i feel like What makes someone good at sex is 1. listening to their partner and 2. wanting 2 please their partner ... like yea techniques vary but u can literally say that uve mainly been with girls and im sure any dude would be SO happy to show u what he likes. also tbh im my experience dudes are way easier to get with that girls bc like  girls are goddesses and its scary and im always scared that theyre not actually gay im just hoping that they are and so man dudes r thirsty af lmaooooo. i dont think initiating is any different  like if u got game u got game. also i was on the pill for a while and my skin got better and i gained a lil bit of weight (but that mightve been from being in a relationship TBH) and now im on the implanon/rod and i havent noticed any side effects AND i havent gotten my period once since i got it and im so happy w it tbh, like its amazing not having to rememeber to take a pill and then being stressed cos u took it an hour late. but ya talk to ur doctor or go o the action centre on elizabeth st thats where i got the implanon!! 

[runrabbitrun666]

Endgame Spoliers! Read At Ur Own Risk

I know a bunch of folks are pissed/upset/hurt/ about Thor's character arc in endgame. which, to be fair, I can get behind to a certain degree.

I think that his character finally failed, purely, whether it be him failing as a leader, to himself, or in battle with Thanos, he believed that he failed. Thor was grieving the loss of himself in a way. That being said, the writers decided to portray his grief through drinking, isolation, and weight gain. these are pretty normal things for someone who is deeply hurt to seek solace in, especially if you're the God of Thunder and you think that some giant grape man wiped out half the universe because you didn't "go for the head"

The whole point of the first movie is that Thor is too prideful. He loses his power because of this, which of course then leads to further self exploration and eventual turnaround. The second movie shows us Thor's love for humanity, especially thru Jane foster. The second movie was a bit more of a look into he and his family's dynamic, with Odin being more of a benevolent god, being like "fuck humans lmao she's gonna die" and Thor is like "dude wtf ur the protector of the nine realms, protect them." there's of course the death of Frigga, which, of course affects Thor and Loki tremendously.

Of course the third Thor film, Ragnarok is the best. I love thor. I watched all the movies when I was a kid, went with my dad to the theater. I was obsessed, he was the fucking God of Thunder! Mjolnir was also one of the coolest parts of his character when I was 12. so. needless to say, going to see Ragnarok i was both suprised and excited. I think that the traditional way of portraying Thor is really neat, since I love mythology.

Taika Waititi, the love of my life, new zelands man of the year, all around great guy, took the character of Thor and totally reinvented him. we all went Yonkers and Bonkers for the new and improved Thor! as we should have he was fantastic and a refreshing update to the beloved character.

Which of course brings me to Infinity War and Endgame Thor. The fact that Infinity War took place minutes after Ragnarok, which if you guys know the ending, Thor's home blows up. He finds himself without a dad, an evil sister he had to kill, down an eye, reunited with his assumed dead brother, and a reluctant leader to a homeless people. He gets his ass handed to him by Thanos, ship destroyed, watches Loki get brutally murdered in front of him, as he watches, literally helpless. also don't forget he lost mjolnir, which, as korg so eloquently put it "was comporable to losing a loved one." Infinity War puts Thor in space, with the guardians, who he doesn't know, let alone giving him 0 time to mourn his lost loved ones. Thor is grieving, and I'd say his most identified emotion is Anger. Thor is a warrior, he wants revenge. Of course we all know he didn't go for the head, and Thanos, throws it back in his face as he snaps. Thor is yet again helpless, this time on a cosmic scale. He blames himself, the grief of the snap and of his previous losses catching up to him.

Endgame begins with Thor cutting Thanos's head off in a fit of rage, after finding out he's snapped the stones away. Thor mightve been holding on to the hope of reversing the snaps effects, and this totally throws that away for him. Which of course brings us to grieving Chubby! Thor. Throughout endgame it shows Thor crying in parts, begging to be the one to snap and bring everyone back, even having a panic attack. man's is not doing well. The scene on Asgard is probably the most telltale sign that the character has really hit rock bottom. he calls mjolnir to him, and when it does come, he is visibly suprised, even saying "I'm still worthy!!"

in conclusion, this post is to say that I love Thor. I don't love that his grief was a target for easy jokes, but I do appreciate the realness of his grief.

I also wanna say that chubby Thor is still just as hot if not better looking than skinny! Thor. he's fucking so cute. fuck. also! Thor and I happen to look super similar after he gains weight! I don't even know how to explain how much it made me smile to see that on screen, despite the jokes and shitty writing surrounding his appearance.

all in all, I love chubby Thor bc we look similar, and I hope that despite its flaws, endgame was satisfying. I personally loved it.

this took way too long to say and probably makes no sense but it's my blog and I can ramble if I want too.