#it might be a red flag for most ppl but for me it’s the biggest green flag

[you-will-be-found]

having zero social media presence is honestly the most attractive thing a celeb can do

[dukeofdelirium]

I was inclined to believe Nick before that post, but his response indeed reads like he took advantage of the byler community back in the day only to come back 2 years later and not only confirm he was just using our hype, but also lowkey call us illiterate and delusional. Biggest red flag ever.

Yup, that’s what I’m saying. He took advantage of ppl bc he saw the buzz of the ship community, he got what he wanted and then dipped when the writers exposed is lying ass on socials. Now he sounds like he’s batting for mileven for multiple reasons, one being that he probably figures he can’t scam bylers anymore since most are wary of him for good reason. And two, he might try to scam milevens this time around lol. Especially with how desperate they’ve been for any news, it wouldn’t shock me if he tries to do something like that. Which would be awful. As much as I don’t like the ship or most of the shippers, no one deserves to get scammed.

Ppl are too damn gullible. Don’t trust random ppl online who claim they have sources or know stuff. No matter how you dice it, this 8flix guy is a fraud. He was lying then or he’s lying now. And regardless of when you think he was lying, at the end of the day, he’s a thief.

Seriously guys, don’t give some asshole your hard earned money for crumbs of info that are very likely not true. It’s fine to speculate. It’s fine to theorize. It’s all in good fun. But it stops being fun when someone starts asking people for pay outs. It starts being a concern the second people start getting stolen from

[kangals]

Kep report card for month 6 (omg it has been a full HALF YEAR of keppy already)

I changed most of the categories since most of them were really more designed for tiny 2-month old puppy, so these are more relevant for adolescence. I don’t really expect other people to read them all, but it’s nice for me having a record to refer back to.

Leash Walking: 🟢/🟡 overall good, but definitely pulls on a harness unless he is tired or I am constantly checking him (not “yank my arm off” bad, but annoying). he doesn’t do so on a collar, so I might switch to that for a while.

Manners - People: 🟡 wants to jump up on everyone he sees and gets very overstimulated by New Friend Attention. he’s very social still, not sure how much he’ll grow out of that (Stellina did, but I don’t remember if she was quite this extroverted at this age)

Manners - Dogs: 🟢/🟡 friendly bordering on annoying, but he does take corrections well and will give space without getting offended, so that’s a green. I give him a partial yellow here because he likes other dogs so much that he gets annoying about it while on leash and has a hard time focusing on anything else.

Manners - Home: 🟢 he’s really good at home, he settles well and aside from very basic puppy mischief (jumping up on the counters, taking things to chew) I can generally leave him to his own devices without issue. and is now housetrained, thank god.

Manners - Public Spaces: 🟢/🟡 really likes going places but just gets overstimulated about it, so it’s a lot of pulling on the leash and not able to settle. just needs more exposure and time I think. did pee recently at Petco but there’s so much dog traffic there it’s hard to say why.

Grooming: 🟡 trying my patience lol. he does solidly “ok” for brushing and nails as long as he’s got a distraction, but gets increasingly wiggly when restrained so we need to work on that.

Recall: 🟡 yellow but I don’t expect anything better at this age lol. Good at home, other places his brain is often checked out elsewhere. He is noticeably more responsive to voice command/tone of voice than Stellina was, which is nice.

Crating: 🟢 no issues, crates up well and doesn’t throw tantrums anymore. Does occasionally still have issues settling but that’s more just sitting upright/pacing than panic, and it does eventually go, so I’m not too concerned. Have only tried leaving him free alone for 20 minutes and he did fine, so hopefully we can start working that up and phasing out daytime crating.

Fear/Anxiety: 🟢 honestly very chill. he has startled at a few objects recently (trailer hitch, and one particular morning glory flower that I guess gave him bad vibes idk) but it’s a very upright, hackles up “hey what’s that!” Response as opposed to true fear or shyness, and he recovers fast once he had a chance to check out the issue. balks at new stairs sometimes, but that’s really it.

Volume: 🟢 green by collie standards lol. he’s significantly less barky than Stellina was, and mostly just barks when he’s playing or someone else is talking to him. does bark at ppl walking past the yard which is annoying but not obsessively so.

Puberty: 🟢 he’s a big fan of marking instead of just emptying the whole bladder at once, but so far he’s still only doing it outside so I don’t really care. hasn’t tried to hump, does sometimes get too interested in other dogs pee, but so far he’s controlling himself so Ball Privileges remain intact (no pun intended).

overall I’d call him a 🟢 with a few 🟡 caveats, all pretty typical issues for an 8month old herding breed. certainly no red flags or things that have really got me concerned, he’s a very happy, stable dog which I’m always thankful for. if the housetraining ends up being his biggest issue I think we’ll have gotten off very easy! but we’ll see what else adolescence throws at us.

[andpierres]

okay seriously people have GOT to stop actively seeking out reasons to be mad abt wwwy fest. and i don't mean this in an ignoring red flags way i mean the complete 180 everyone has done in the last 24 hours and relying on information from fucking tiktok of all places instead of doing their own two seconds of research is just... are you people hearing yourselves. is this cycle not exhausting you.

anyway, because seeing these repeated ad nauseum w/out clarification is starting to get to me:

1. livenation also sponsored astroworld

yes. livenation also has, what, 70/80% marketshare on tour and festival booking in the US or something? so a majority of US events are gonna have either their ticket sales or general organizing handled by them. this doesn't say anything about what local organizing and security at the venue is gonna be like. not to shill for the huge corporation here b/c obviously they were also to blame but other huge components at astroworld were the untrained security, lack of medical access when needed, poor organization of the space that didn't allow for ppl to disperse when needed, & massive overcrowding.

(don't come onto this post & shove all the blame on travis scott either.)

2. size of the venue

the las vegas festival grounds aren't HUGE by any means, but it's bigger than astroworld by far. it's 26 acres w/a capacity of 85k (astroworld capacity was 50k iirc). we don't even know how many tickets are available and how many are gonna be sold yet.

3. lack of time/only three stages

yeah, this one is fair. they could be using rotating stages to cut down on set up time but it's still, uh, not ideal? the festival was held a previous year & took place over two days so it's not unreasonable to hope that they might extend it to two days this time too. it can definitely be fixed and i hope it will be.

the biggest crowd crush concern is definitely the urgency with which people would need to rush from stage to stage to catch acts they want to see. that WAS also the start of the crush at astroworld iirc so, again, valid concern.

4. it's a scam

it's probably not. again, the festival was held a prior year with some of the bands that played then returning now. something can be poorly organized and expensive/obviously a cash grab (as most things are) without being completely disingenuous.

5. covid policy

yeah, this is definitely concerning. no refund policies are, like, generally normal, but the wording of the covid policy makes me worried that this is going to be considered the norm for all big events going forward: acting as if covid is just an inherent risk and not something we could be working to avoid.

6. lack of diversity

this one is also fair. but this is also the thing ive seen ppl talk about the LEAST, so, like... that's saying something.

from travie on ig.

& i want to clarify again that this isn't meant to shit on people who are scared or have legitimate concerns. it's just frustrating to see ppl acting like it's suddenly a moral choice to oppose the festival or not. you can think it's stupid or cringe or whatever without going out of your way to make up reasons to be mad just to feel like you're in the right for not wanting to go.

[gem-quest]

[QUEST o2. - E N T H R O N E D]

(written by @bebemoon)

mentions: @ayzrules @elissastillstands & @armadasneon​

. . . Quest 2 .

A few days passed without word from Inferna, and Neddy was beginning to think she'd been forgotten.

A pair of players were marrying in the gardens the week following the meadow fair. And Neddy made an appearance out of sheer curiosity-

The ceremony was within a tumble of pale pink blossoms beneath a flowering tree, and the fae—and even all who were stuck on the level—were in attendance, surrounding the couple of Moonstone players. Neddy recognised the groom as the gleaming Moonstone jouster from the fair. The bride was a tiny Healer with hair matching the blossoms overhead and a veil of glimmering chain mail set with white crystals. They seemed blissful- so much so that Neddy wondered about them.    

Besides, was this a binding union in the real world? Probably not since Finvarra was the one to marry them, and Neddy rather doubted the Prince was ordained for such an affair. He wasn't even real.

Maybe it didn't matter to them- at any moment, any of them could be skewered with a sword and die at once in two worlds. Might as well live happily and love when possible.  

Neddy shook her head. What an outlandish situation they all found themselves in . . .

-

There was a celebration afterwards, but in Yue City. Understandably, the happy couple wanted to be able to eat together as well as remain free of the fae.

Neddy stayed behind to put her feet up on the feast table alongside some of Finvarra's tittering wives to watch the dancing for a while. The feeling of isolation began to creep up on her once again.

Suddenly, there was a familiar trilling from her rucksack at her feet, barely audible over the fairy music. It was the sound the Plexus' messaging function made when a new message was received.

Excitedly, Neddy dug into the rucksack and drew the Plexus out. She swiped the screen, and the new message appeared. It was from Inferna- "Jack's Girlfriend" [fire emoji] in the Plexus.

The message read: WYD ???

Neddy replied with a long message detailing the wedding she'd just witnessed, overseen by the Prince himself.

To which the redhead pithily replied, "Bruh xD".

Neddy grinned at her screen.

Inferna went on to ask Neddy if she was ready to take on Aydina, and when Neddy indicated that she was "ready as she would ever be", the other girl sent back:

“Btw I invited 2 other ppl to join us for dodgeball- Morningstar and Balestra if u wanted to look them up! Hope that’s okay 💖💖💖 say hi to jack 4 me!!!!”

Attached to this was a selfie of the candy-redhead eating the apricot tartlets Neddy had paid her with.

Morningstar wasn't a name that Neddy recognised- but Balestra, she knew immediately. She was another Moonstone player- a celestial knight- with a griffin mount. If Neddy wasn't very much mistaken, the griffin ate some of the garden's fae NPCs. And Finvarra still recounted the incident like some sort of disastrous Biblical tale.

Maybe it would be good to have someone like that on her side? If Balestra's griffin ate Aydina, would that be an automatic win?

Neddy replied simply to Inferna with a thumbs-up emoji, but she couldn't help feeling a twinge of doubt.

-

I C T U I U M . to . M E R M A I D . C O V E .

Inferna and her two companions were already waiting in the level 30 foyer—a wide glass room looking into the beachy landscape beyond with huge, flat screens showing players already in action on the level—when Neddy blinked in.

Seeing the sparkling sea spread out to her left, Neddy's first inclination was to start singing “La mer”.

Inferna's disappointment that Neddy had shown up sans Jack was instantly perceptible. The redhead pushed her lip out and raised one hand to her hip.

“Where’s Jack?” she said, pouting dramatically. “I even brought him a huge thing of sugar cubes! And a fresh batch of sauce.”

Neddy pulled an apologetic face. "Sorry, he's been M.I.A. for a couple of days," she told her. "He does that, I'm finding."

A slip of a girl with a crown of curls and a longsword on her hip was leaned up against one of the glass walls. She nodded at Neddy by way of a greeting.

Inferna jerked her chin at her. "That's Balestra," she said, grinning. "Moonstone rider like yourself. Maybe you know her?"

Neddy didn't want to bring up the gardens fiasco in case it was a sore spot with Balestra, and so she lied. "Oh, er, no- I-I don't believe we've met, actually," she stammered. "I'm Neddy. I swear I'm a real rider- my mount is just . . . I don't think he'd be much good at dodgeball anyway."

Three pairs of eyes regarded Neddy. She didn't know why she was so nervous, but she knew everyone could tell that she was.

At least Inferna seemed to be enjoying herself, as usual. She snorted in the silence. "And that's Morningstar over there," she said, thumbing the other player in the foyer.  

The third pair of eyes were almost too haunting to properly look into. They belonged to a ribbon of white slashed with violent red- a crown of berries, Neddy realised. Intimidatingly, a crystal scythe lay across her shoulders and her arms were draped over either side of the polearm. She looked a bit crucified.

The phantom made no move to acknowledge Neddy. However, her strange golden eyes stayed pinned to her.

Neddy merely raised her hand in a meek wave. "Hello."

Morningstar said nothing.

Inferna clapped her hands to break the bizarre tension between the four of them. "Well, let's go kick some ass!" she declared and punched the air. “I just confirmed with the other seven people who agreed to join our party. Three Ammolite, two Obsidian, two Moonstone.”

Neddy was impressed. Inferna was certainly on top of things. Perhaps more apricot tartlets were in order.

Inferna flashed them a cheeky grin. “Let’s go down to the beach?”

-

Neddy considered herself fortunate to have gotten some intimidating figures on her side for this dodgeball match- especially considering the others Inferna had rounded up. Not an inspiring bunch. But Inferna had only been looking to fill out the team.

Mermaid Cove was beautiful. The beach was blush and the sky was bright. The harbour was bustling at one end of the shore and magnificent pirate ships bobbed in the offing. Up the beach, giant pink conch shells were set upright in the sand and hollowed out into stalls that sold necessities like medi-elixirs, pep potions, and replacement gear. An old one-eyed woman with a blue parrot on her shoulder was selling fried octopus tentacles in shell-shaped baskets. A length of fishing net was draped over the market area and all manner of scavenged sea treasures and seashells were strung up, dangling over the customers as they browsed.

Neddy wanted to roam the market area for a while, but Inferna was all business. 

Inferna led them through the intro ordeal, having one of the other players activate the in-game event with the NPC shopkeeper, since Inferna herself had already completed the level and therefore could not activate it again. 

Inferna tapped her foot impatiently as the NPC ran through her whole sob story about how the mermaids had created Angel’s Breath to revive drowned humans, how the pirate queen Aydina and her eleven crew members had killed off all the mermaids to keep Angel’s Breath for herself-

Finally, the NPC said, “If you get the pirates to leave the town, I’ll show you where the last Angel’s Breath is hidden.”

“Great, let’s go,” said Inferna, then she directed the rest of the group to the shoreline.

As they stood on the beach, she threw her finger in the direction of the sea where a massive dome was rising slowly out of the water.

"Look, look!" Inferna shouted. "There it is!"

The others crowded around to watch in awe as the dome continued to surface, throwing off water and a terrible mechanical noise that scraped the ears.

"We're going into that thing?" Neddy asked, her stomach flipping.

Meanwhile, a pirate ship-complete with a skull and crossbone flag-sailed into view. Inferna rolled her eyes. “Yeah, in a sec,” she replied. “Aydina has some dialogue that we have to sit through. God fucking damn, but the NPC shit in this game gets so tedious.”

It wasn’t much longer before Aydina, the pirate queen, sauntered up over to them, her crew right behind her. With an unruly mane of fiery red curls, fierce eyes, and dressed in sheer black chiffon that billowed dramatically in the breeze, with lacy black gloves that went up to her elbows and a pair of badass black boots to match. 

Inferna cut to the chase. Apparently, sometimes you could skip the intro dialogue if you talked faster than the NPCs. “Yo, Aydina! Get the fuck out of here.”

The NPC gave Inferna a disparaging look. “How are you going to make me?”

“I challenge you to a dodgeball game,” she replied tightly, and Aydina nodded her agreement.

“Time to go!” Inferna crowed, evidently pleased that she’d successfully gotten Aydina to skip through most of the annoying dialogue. 

A narrow walkway of roped-together driftwood began to rise out of the sea. It did not look the least bit steady, and Neddy was ready to forego the whole thing just at the sight of it.

The sea is beautiful, yes. But it is also crushing and fathomless. And Neddy had always had a fear of it. The prospect of going beneath the ocean's surface was almost debilitatingly frightening. 

She hated herself for wishing Callum was there to hold her hand.

But no sooner had the thought of him crossed her mind that Inferna was taking her hand and pulling her towards the rickety walkway. 

“Come on, move your ass,” Inferna said, shooting her a playful look as she tugged her along. “Be careful during the actual game, though. Aydina can randomly let water into the court and drain it out whenever she wants. It’s the biggest pain ever.”

Neddy wanted to sink inside herself at that, but- it felt almost as if Inferna was passing some of her chaotic strength through her fingers into Neddy’s. And her feet moved to follow after the redhead. 

-

They marched into the dome, and the door sealed off behind them, metal clanging as the dome sank back under the sea to rest on the sea floor. The dome itself was made out of some kind of transparent material, allowing them to see the various sea creatures and coral formations surrounding the place. 

Inferna paused, causing Neddy to pause too. The redhead seemed to have noticed a throng of excited players making their way back to the foyer, where they’d be able to watch the game on the screens. 

“What?” Neddy wondered, dividing a look between the Inferna’s face and the other players. 

“If we win-” Inferna cut herself off and then winked at Neddy. “When we win, those players will be swarming all over us the second we get back to land- for the Angel’s Breath. Best to have a few ictuium potions on hand.” 

Inferna said as much to Balestra and Morningstar as well. Then, Aydina was explaining the rules of the game to them.

“If the ball-” and here she summoned the “dodgeball” out of thin air, which was an enchanted turtle shell- “hits you, and then hits the ground, you’re out. If you catch the ball, you’re safe. If the ball bounces off of you and one of your teammates catches it, you’re both safe. But, if the ball bounces off of you and someone on the other team catches it, you’re out.”

Inferna cast Neddy a sideways glance. “Don’t get hit,” she advised. “That thing packs a punch on its own, but depending on her mood, Aydina can make it stab you with barnacles, shock you, or spray disgusting gross poisonous stuff that’ll kill you before the time is up.”

Aydina rolled the ball over to where Inferna was standing. “I’ll let you guys have the first go,” she said, smirking confidently at them, looking directly at Inferna. “Since I feel sorry for you. How many brain cells do you have, to be wearing such an atrocious hat?”

“Fuck you!” Inferna shot back as she picked up the ball. “You’re such a fucking cunt.”

The pissed-off redhead gave the other eleven people a questioning look. “Well, should I go for it? Or do one of you guys want to do the honors?”

-

[ You can pick up here or back up a bit or do as you like if you end up taking this quest up ! No instructions for Neddy (but keep in mind she’s not a strong player), just do as you like and make sure they win ! ^^ And, if you need any help at all, just ask either Ayz or me~ ] 

[isitthescreaming20syet]

Do all the numbers you coward

– disclaimer: i did this at like late at night o’clock, while trying to avoid my fourth breakdown that hour. and i didn’t have my glasses on. so . if there’s any spelling errors that i didn’t catch, let me know.–

ok cool. imma just pick a post and go at it then.

1. what colour are you’re eyes?

Usually they’re like a green/brown ig?

2. do you like your name? why?

Yes, I love my name. I picked it myself with the help of some of my friends. It comes from a couple different book characters who are both super strong physically and emotionally and they’re honestly an inspiration to me.

3. what is your relationship status?

…. single as fuck man. Is it too much to ask for a guy who is sweet and not pushy and bigger than me so I can steal his hoodies and be swamped in them??

4. describe your personality in 3 words or less

“another fucking breakdown??”

5. what colour hair do you have?

currently a really gross red, (well I think it’s gross but i just don’t like reds) but on Thursday I finally re-dye it and im gonna go green!!

6. how would you describe your style?

either I pull smth out of the drawer in the morning and hope it goes together, or I spend three weeks planning it.

7. what size bed do you have?

P sure it’s a queen? my dog manages to take up half of it and he’s the size of a bread loaf.

8. any siblings?

Ye, two half sisters!! 

9. favourite t.v. show?

The Umbrella Academy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. describe your dream date

uhhhhh, smth outside? like a picnic. at night, but with plenty of lights. and star gazing!!!! bc spACE!!!

11. what colour socks are you wearing?

uh… one crew that’s white and purple and one ankle that blue and white…. 

12. how many pillows do you sleep with?

trick question!! I don’t sleep with pillows. I use throw/travel blankets and stuffed animals. I do have two pillows on my bed, but they’re for my dog to sleep on.

13. do you have a job? what do you do?

I do! I just started a week or so ago and I make drinks! ISTG IF SOMEONE ORDERS ONE MORE GODDAMN MINI SLUSHI IM GONNA KILL A MAN.

14. how many friends do you have?

hhhhh, i think i have abt 0. but in reality i probably have 10ish actual friends?

15. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

I’ve done plenty of shitty things but im not in a good place to answer this one rn.

16. what’s your favourite candle scent?

Another trick question! i despise candles and nearly anything that has a smell. good or bad.

17. three favourite boy names?

Klaus bc my boiiiiiiiiii

Ethan istg anyone i know irl brings this up you will regret it

Ashton

18. three favourite girl names?

ooooo boyyy,

Claire

Isabella (spanish pronounciation obv)

Vanya bc yk i had to make another reference but also it’s rlly pretty and just look at it!!

19. who is your celebrity crush?

ik it’s basic but cole sprouse is the first one that comes to mind.

20. do you read a lot? what’s you favourite book?

yes I read all the time bc reADING IS GOOD @dodo-likes-to-tumbl

my favourite book is probably Six of Crows.

21. top 10 favourite songs?

hhhooooohhhhhhhhkkkayyyyy not really any particular order:

1) Istanbul by They Might be Giants

2) Roaring 20s by P!atD

3) I Wait by Day6

4) Monster by EXO

5) Choke by IDKHBTFM

6)Tempo by EXO

7) Awkward Silence by Stray Kids

8) Chained Up by VIXX

9) Singularity by BTS

10) Get Cool by Stray Kids

22.  What is your biggest fear?

another one that im not able to answer at this time.

23. What’s your go to hairstyle/

Literally don’t have one. I get out of bed, get dressed, and go to school. I don’t do anything.

24. who is your role model?

Idk. I don’t really have one. I really look up to my sister, Ella, a lot. 

25. what was the last compliment you received?

idk, the most recent one I remember was my moms friends mom was going on about my hair colour even though I hate it and we were literally standing by the hair dye in walmart looking at new colours when she walked up and interrupted.

26. What was the last text you sent?

Confirming smth for a talent show group im gonna be a part of.

27. How old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? (if this is a shock or a spoiler for you, you’re either wayyy too young for this site or wayy too stupid) 

I was probably about 5 or 6? I had a lot of cousins who were older than me who liked to spoil things. I was able to convince my parents I still believed until I was about 11 tho.

28. what is your dream job?

Dream job? I thought I’d be dead in the trunk of a car by now!!

not really, but uhh idk

29. how many pictures do you have on your phone?

Idfk? five years worth ig?

30. have you ever peed in the woods?

Wtf kinda question is this? but yeah when I was younger. like 4-7 ish maybe?

31. Do you still watch cartoons?

Tbh not nearly as often as I’d like. I love Gravity Falls and I wanna get into Steven Universe, though from what I’ve seen it’s not a cartoon it’s art. 

32. Favourite dipping sauce?

no

33. What do you wear to bed?

Sweat pants and a hoodie

34. Have you ever won a spelling bee?

Nah mate. I can’t spell for shit.

35. what are your hobbies?

crying in the dark instead of doing my hw.

36. tea or coffee?

yes

37. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

hah “when”! idk if I do get married I’ll probably hyphenate or steal my sisters idea and do some sort of mash up of the last names, kinda like a ship name.

38.  do you believe in ghosts?

meh

39. what’s your biggest pet peeve?

People

40. the last person you called?

I facetimed @panickingposters

41. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

hah GAY

42.  what shirt are you wearing?

damn another trick question! I’m wearing my PFTW Tour hoodie.

43. what is your phone background?

lock screen is FoB lyrics - “ I love the world, i just don’t love the way it makes me feel”

and home screen is a space edit of the trans flag.

44. do you like it when ppl play with your hair?

As long as they do it right @goodmorningchicago

45. have you ever been drunk?

no but i wish i was

46. favourite lyrics rn?

“Like awkward silence..

caw

caw

caw”

47. summer or winter?

autumn

48. day or night?

sleep during the day, everything else at night

49. dark, milk or white chocolate?

k first of all? white chocolate isn’t even fucking chocolate. so that ones out.

second, milk chocolate is just sugar and milk. also out

Dark it is!!

50. who was the last person you cried in front of?

My therapist earlier today

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode #4: “I am definitely sobbing 24/7” -Gavin

-okay so dan left eight to one a real... how you say... zzz. and then birch activates the earthquake and gives us... the best swap... ever...? i say us i mean ME so anyway the swap gives me... my alliance members of vi/collin/ruthie which YES. we already are half the tribe eat it UP. then i have cindi who im close to, who im also in a second game with rn. which BAM, and also... og tribe majority mmmmm delicious. THEN from the other tribe i get. BODHI who im also close to outside of this, and am also in another game with rn (where im about to vote to keep him in so woo we love  building trust...?). then i have rachael who is a sweetheart and TIMMY. ONE OF MY OLDEST ORG FRIENDS HELLOOO. this swap is kind of... too... good? all the people i'd wanna vote out are on the other tribe so the MO rn is to just sweep challenges ideally? thats the agenda. because rn the ones i want gone are birch/keegan/zachary/gavin... all of whom are on the other tribe. so we better get to winning even tho it might be bad for austin/jay if we do (but maybe timmy would go first idek)

-okay so... we just won jeopardy? that challenge truly had me weighing up and considering literally fighting a child because that zach is half child prodigy, half robot he was literally bodying the challenges... BUT THEN WE WON ASFJDKSAL. we literally just went for broke on the final jeopardy and it came THROUGH. im so so happy because i want all of my swap tribe at merge, they are all people i want to stick around so even one tribal would be a disaster. i think timmy might unfortunately be screwed just because jay/austin are really connected. also the annie tribe is probably gonna lose... another og tribe member. but HONESTLY what can you do. this is good for my longterm survival anyway hopefully they turn inwards and get rid of one of OG Jack even though its probably unlikely KJFLSAD.

-well, to start out, i am sorry this is later than anticipated. however, what matters is that i am doing it now... right? ANYWAYS... onto the confessional. i think the main thing i want to talk about this round, is the brilliant move i orchestrated during that challenge that gave us the win... and the fact that i got NO CREDIT FOR IT. OKAY Y'ALL... I SEE YOU. but anyways, i think it is clear that i am basically a mastermind. however, what really matters is that we won... so GO TEAM (me)! following the challenge this round i was added into an alliance chat planned by keegan and zach with rachael and myself. so, when jess wasn't included, i obviously had to go talk to her and subtly expose that alliance... and funnily enough, keegan added jess to alliance with birch! FUNNY. so, we basically figured out that keegan is trying to play everyone and anyone he can--which will definitely be useful information going forward. overall this round, i think i really strengthened some key bonds with birch and rachael specifically. i was on call with rachael for 5 hours straight and talked about personal things with birch for about an hour. so, i honestly feel pretty good going forward. and on the bright-side, if things start to look like they're going south, i always have that idol in my back pocket. until next time... xoxo, gossip girl.

-well, to no ones surprise... we swapped. AND I WAS SEPARATED FROM MY RACHAEL. i’m not crying... (jk, i am definitely sobbing 24/7). but on the bright side, i at least have jess with me. unfortunately due to zachs poor math skills, we lost the challenge that should have been an easy win for us given our lead going into the final jeopardy... but gavin is not bitter. so, unfortunately, we have to go to tribal with a brand new tribe. on the bright side, it seems to be looking in OG jack’s favor numbers wise, so i don’t particularly feel like i am in danger. however, you never know what could happen at tribal council. so, if worse comes to worse, i will have my idol ready to play—but i am hoping it doesn’t come to that. it appears as though austin or jay will be leaving—which is perfectly fine with me (even if i want keegan to go sooner rather than later, it’s best not to make any unnecessary waves right now. so i will continue to let him become a bigger target and try to take charge and snake as he does... and we will go from there.

https://youtu.be/R3zDNJfI3Pc

https://youtu.be/4QKj_KZhhCE

-I....am upset. You put me on a tribe with little cutie Gavin and then RIPPED HIM AWAY. I am beyond upset. I am outraged. SWAP US BACK COWARDS. Can't wait for the next earthquake to hit so we can be reunited. I miss him so much. He still sends me tiktoks though so thats cute. we are watching Hamilton together on Friday and I am so excited.

-It’s 1:02PM and I still miss Gavin.

-It’s 5:14 pm and I still miss Gavin. Hope he doesn’t go home, but I won immunity ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So I forced a swap. yay! I also exiled myself, mainly to keep myself safe cause fuck getting voted out, Am I right? So I don't really have anything to report on. uhhhh, yeah. Go everyone!! 

-When your tribe mates don't listen to your wager advice and you lose the challenge :))))))))))))))))))))))))

-So a swap happened so that's fun.... I can't even lie I  have swap PTSD from my last Survivor. I was swapped into the minority, rocked myself out with an idol for a souvenir. THAT BEING SAID... This swap worked out for me! I think? At least for now? If I didn't have Gavin with me I'd be extremely worried but because I do believe he has an "in" with the bro's Keegan/Zach aka: a duo... I'll at least know if they are up to some shady shit. I also got Chips! SO PARTY. I'm really thankful we got a swap because I don't know if I would have survived a couple of votes on my previous tribe. I wasn't necessarily "in" with people. So a swap was welcomed but I was also scared shitless. This swap has really opened the door for me/Zach? I don't trust him the slightest BUT at least we have some sort of dialogue right now compared to the crickets we were exchanging on OG JACK. This swap also broke up the "alliance" of Zach, Rachael, Keegan...and Gavin. So now they'll need to find a replacement Rachael and I know I'm not as pretty as Rachael but maybe I'll fill the female quota in that alliance? Chips has opened up a LOT to me so far. We've exchanged idol searches but he feels on the bottom of that "alliance" and I don't blame him. I just don't know where we go from here after this vote. He flips? to Jay? Maybe a Jay/Chips/Keegan/Zach majority? He wants me to flip to a Chips/Jay/Timmy/Majority? I have no idea. We also get Birch next round! I do enjoy Birch so much but that's a number for Keegan and that makes me un-easy. Keegan is easily my biggest threat so far. Next round could potentially be a 6.vs. 2 majority and it can't be THAT simple. I'm going to focus on winning... I guess? I'm really enjoying Timmy so far even though he's given me a few red flags or I'm being lied to hardcore. Austin told me he had a vote reveal however, why would Timmy tell someone who he has said "treated him badly" about a power? So either Timmy is playing me or Austin is playing me. Either way they both can go?! Timmy gives me such weird vibes. I want to trust him but I also think he's going to be a super cut-throat player down the line and that SCARES ME.

Ok.....with the swap that happened and us losing immunity I really feel my game is over. Which really sucks bc i wanna work with ppl like keegan jess jay chips and zach but I dont feel most of those ppl wanna work with me.  I'm not gonna give up tho . I'm gonna try talking and making deals and doing what I can to save myself.  It's not over til tribal and I have plenty of time. Pleaseeeee atomic gods let me make it through this one vote 

Me never remember what my last confessional was about? The title of my autobiography. So, we swapped which is super unfortunate but the tribe I got swapped into has a majority OG Jack members. JESS, ZACH, GAVIN, CHIPS and myself against JAY, TIMMY Z and AUSTIN. And then we lose the challenge because math is apparently impossible? Like ZACH either threw the challenge on purpose or he’s just the worst person at math. Either way, we’re going to tribal tonight. The current plan is to stay tribe strong and vote out an OG Annie which is fine by me. JAY is saying he wants to work with me because we’re both previous winners which is a good point. But I’ve got some solid alliances already and I don’t want to mess those up this early into the game. As far as I can tell right now, the plan is to split votes between JAY and AUSTIN with AUSTIN being the primary target since he’s pretty bad at challenges and isn’t likely to work with us down the line. TIMMY apparently spilled the beans about a six person alliance that didn’t include himself or CINDI, so we’re trying to keep him safe and pull him in as a number for the future. Who knows what will happen though. There’s idols to worry about which is why we’re trying to split the vote. 

This tribe swap makes me so happy because I vibe with these people so much better and it gives me a new chance in this game to fix my activity level. On top of that, we are safe!!! Another round of not having to go to tribal is a good round for me. Who knows why the Annie tribe only wagered $3,000 because that made absolutely no sense but I’m not complaining. Overall, A+ round!

So this round, i find myself swapped into a tribe of people that are so much better then my old tribe. I was on the outs of that 6 person alliance and I am sure I would have been the next to go for sure. I get a really good vibe off of zach and jess, plus gavin and keegan are cool too. Not to sure about Chips but I have to put my trust in these people for the mean time. As for the challenge, we lost and i knew I was going to vote with the old Jack tribe. We plan on splitting the votes 3 vs 3 with austin and jay voting whoever. Of course in true them style, the moment they found out it was them, they threw me under the bus immediately. Hopefully everything goes as planned tonight and Austin goes home, if not it is going to be me. I have had good convos with people tho and hope that can get me through this tribe.

Well this swap completely sucks. In the complete minority, someone sold out the alliance to Timmy so I doubt he trusts me anymore. I just tried to be honest with him so he'd see me in a better light and I hope it worked. Beyond that, we lost the challenge and I think my head is on the chopping block. Earlier today Chips came and told me that he's pretty sure the votes are coming down on me and they're gonna tell me Austin to fake me out. And you know, that's probably true because Zach, Keegan, and Gavin have all told me it's Austin. What troubles me is that Chips doesn't seem to have a plan otherwise even though it seems like he wants to do something else. So once Zach told me it's Austin, I had more of a chat with him. He really seems to not want me to go anywhere, which is hard not to believe. Either he's telling me the truth or he's a fantastic liar. Same with Keegan, even though I think it's in both of our best interests to work together going forward. At this point it's clear that it's gonna split between Austin and myself so i worry if I don't vote Austin then I'm just automatically out. Shits really hard in the game right now and all I want is to survive another day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25eKaudnTmA&feature=youtu.be

https://imgur.com/31jZcmF

I am finally not at the bottom. My original tribe has minority and I have prior existing relationships with 2/3 of the og Jack tribe. Plus I have bodhi, whom I absolutely love, on my tribe. I am happy. 

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Click HERE to watch the Round 4 Cast Assessment!

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 2 | “GET ME OUT OF HERE ” - Devon

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which is uploading where i basically talked about dealing with being a winner/the tomb and having an idol/potentially wanting to go to tribal pre-swap/deliberately choosing the puzzle/how much i love jake so that'll come at some point after this but just KNOW that came first. anyway just wanted to talk MORE because i have more thoughts. last round i was really conscious of needing to micro-manage my threat level and i think im putting in work to do that? im very concious that i cant play the same game as montenegro because im coming into it from a very different perspective/position. However, one thing I can do this season is transfer my prejury game, because i think it still works. What I need to do is to some extent take a backseat, where I'm not actively messaging people first, and keeping game talk kinda limited (but acknowledging it when people talk to me). Like I have the safety cushion of my idol, and my connection to jake/jordan, and to some extent dan and lovelis? like im not gonna be a target (touch wood) and hopefully if i am my men tm going to keep an eye out for me.... hopefully? it also means im not gonna be pushy about votes im gonna hear names and run with it (as long as its not jake/jordan, or lovelis tbh i get real good vibes from him). but yeah id really love the beauty tribe to go to tribal this round ive literally never spoken to a single one of them so i'd love one of that tribe that is a complete unknown quantity to go home DJDKLFSF. but yis so im feeling good taking a backseat but im gonna ejector seat myself forwards at some point, just got to figure out when to push the button

Okay so Bodhi left last night and that was really sad. We had nice conversations but i told him that if the rest of the tribe wanted him out i wasn't going to campaign for him. He ended up making his rounds but at the end of the day, no one felt strongly about keeping him. He speaks so well that it took me a night's rest to get my head straight. Also Trace got an alliance together of himself, myself, Scott and Isaac. Bitch i was SHOOK! I am so glad to be likable enough to be brought into someone else's core. So this kind of perfectly positioned myself and Scott between 2 alliances. I believe we're both more loyal to the one we formed before we found out we were going to tribal, but who knows. I did tell Autumn of the news because i figure if we were to lose again. Whichever of Isaac of Trace remains is going to feel on bottom and blow up that Scott and I were two-timing the DADS. Btw that is the dumbest alliance name I have ever been a part of but whatever. The rat pack has also formed and now him and I are in a good spot. I will say that i am nervous that MISS ALYSSA spoke the comparison into existence, but i really hope we don't continue to flop like Luzon did on Cagayan. But hey! If Denise can go to every tribal council in one season and win, maybe i can too. (PS i pissed myself with my score in winterbells but also F*CK WINTERBELLS, thats all, ty) 

Honestly I’m really regretting not participating in this challenge because I feel like our scores are.......not great. I feel like I could have turned out the puzzle and even winterbells. The flag Lovelis made is super cute and i think will fair well bc it’s very clean and neat. It’s not super creative, but it’s definitely well made. I think even if we went to tribal I would be okay though. Liam seems like an easy enough boot for us. No one seems that dazzled by his contributions to the tribe. 

i literally am the biggest clown who ever clowned for continuing to overdo it in challenges, if i'm allowed to make it to merge at this point it will literally be a miracle.

So Bodhi left on a unanimous vote yesterday and I'm glad that it worked out as planned! I definitely felt bad lying to him about it all and stuff, but I think it was the best for the tribe going forward. What does suck however is that we lost AGAIN! And it was actually close this time! I'm actually annoyed that we lost this time because I submitted my challenge at 4PM and the reason why we lost was because the last submission was at 8 :/ like... y'all couldn't get it in any earlier? Plus I'm annoyed because I find myself in the swing position between the DADS and The Rat Pack. Personally I don't trust Trace after finding out he tried to play the Rat Pack off as my idea when it was really his all along. To me, it shows that he'd betray me later on down the line. And the only purpose for "The Rat Pack" is so they feel like they're in the majority. So since we lost, I don't mind voting out Trace. Duncan and I called to confirm that we're on the same page. We also found out that Devon is telling us the same things about loyalty and allegiances and I don't like that. He also told Duncan that he would throw immunities and play idols for him if he needed it, and that Duncan was his number 1 ally. But he said the same exact thing to me. So... that has me a little sketch. But I also think that Autumn/Duncan are a close pair, so I may need to stick close to Devon for the long hall. But if Autumn/Duncan think I'm more with them than Devon, I'll take it. I'm supposed to go on call with the Dads soon. Duncan wants to tell them about the rat alliance so that Isaac doesn't use it as motive to get us out. Which i agree that it'd be a good idea as long as devon/autumn stick with us. Duncan and I both feel like Devon might be thrown off since he always likes to be in control, but not actually being in charge. So we'll need to do damage control when that happens. But for now it seems like Trace is going unless things change. If things go how I would want it to, then Trace leaves tomorrow. 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JKqH3EQMlugIe-lwHMYMG2qoVZ7dvIzr/view?usp=sharing

Omg!!!!! Another win that makes me so happy . The tribe is all getting along great and I couldnt all for better ppl. I'm hoping soon to get some kind of solid group together. Kendell adam and amiry are ppl I def wanna work with long term at the time. Just gotta see what happens. 

Not much has been happening lately so I might be able to keep this short and not ramble on and on like i usually do (ill still end up writing a novel probably) yippy yay it's day 5 and everything is still all smiles and giggles over here because we've won yet another immunity!! kinda boring tbh but obviously im happy we won immunity because now that buys me one more day and at the end of it that's all i care about. I kinda did want the brauns to go to tribal however instead of the brains because i just really would like my beauties to get a nice foot hold and a lead in the game, i actually enjoy taking to some of these people, and im trying my best to talk to as many people as i can, which anyone who knows me knows isn't the easiest thing for me, i was reading some of my old confessionals from both my past games and the one thing i consistently got dragged for was not being as present with people, which granted i did improve a lot on last time around for sure, but i still got work to do and im realizing that more each day when i have no urge whatsoever to talk to anyone (don't worry, it's not you, it's (crippling depression) me! I understand socializing is part of the game and i do think my social game is my strongest asset but to me i like to think of my social game as a more distinct kind, im more elusive and i like to be that, if you leave them wanting more dahling they'll keep you around, i dont like to show all my cards, and that's a quality that i reflect in both survivor and life, and it has advantages and disadvantages in both but ANYWHO despite all that dare i say i think im still doing *decent* ? I'm making it a priority to reach out at least once a day to *most people (AJ, Augusto, Amir, Austin) are the ones ive probably had some of the best conversations with where it was the most natural and just flowed you know, and still is on day 5, and with kendall ive had some talks with her i do like her but idk i get this vibe she's kinda holding back when talking to me, and ESPECIALLY same with connor? we only had one private conversation and he gave me about a 3 word response, and if you havent guessed by now i like elaboration or at least a lil bit of personality when you talk, no shade just an observation, so that's a small red flag im very much a person who matches energy, one of my go to's in survivor is being open to the possibility of anything, ill always work with anyone who will work with me, and i think thats how everyone should play so hopefully the people ive been talking a lot to feel similar but i guess we'll have to wait until a vote of some sort to see about all that.. I still havent heard any idol talk or even game talk quite frankly so im guessing people are just still keeping the friendly facade up..... or ...... is it me?? am i the one on the outs looking like boo boo the fool or is that just my paranoia getting to me??? im not gonna send myself into a tizzy about getting voted out when we're not even going to tribal i- lemme calm down. If i had to guess I'd say Kendall, Connor, or Amir have the idol probably but sounds like a mystery for another day because im DONE im clocking out for the night until other people wanna wake up and play the game too oop final note: ok but it would be sick and twisted if it turns out they are all playing the game just without me and im the first boot of the tribe 

Waking up on this glorious Day 5 with a new perspective. I originally applied to be on the brains tribe and was shook when I got brawn because let’s face it, my arms are akin to overcooked spaghetti noodles. BUT my tribe is so much stronger than the brains. I’m hoping for a big name to go to shake things up. AND I’m not really looking to swap onto a tribe with Trace or Autumn due to our past game history. Love them both dearly, but it’s gonna be a no from me. 

okie so! update from me is i think im doing okay. like i think the benefit of no dua lipa cave is you can just build connections with everyone, you aren't voting someone out every round so why not capitalise on that? i'm so afraid of the fact that i'm overdoing it in challenges like i really need to calm. down. but im reassuring myself with the fact that in the first challenge i only was top because i did like... one more thing than others like its not thattt big of a deal? my puzzle time was clownery but hopefully people don't pay attention to it? im getting very anxious about overdoing it in challenges, but my thought process now is like. i need to act like people have an awareness of it, without getting kinda consumed by my anxiety about it? idk im hoping since most of these people don't know me, they wont notice me doing good in the challenge but truly who can be sure also am really just liking my tribe? like jake is ofc a king, i love jordan (who im gonna talk to later, he is the only one i feel like i have to talk to today), i also really like TJ who i was super harsh on at the start for no reason, i get good ally vibes from lovelis, liam m is super sweet even tho he is kinda inactive and dan is so fun (plus he told jake that he speaks to me one of the most so we love that!!). i've been trying to figure out what i even do about a lot of the super old school players that i have no connection/point of reference with? like people like scott, adam, kendall, aj i have truly no basis with? thats whats so scary about a swap, is at this point in the game i know 10/20 people left aka the brawn tribe + duncan/isaac/autumn, and like 10/20 isnt bad... BUT then the other 10 aka the beauty tribe + trace/scott/devon i have literally no connection to which is super scary JAKSDFA. im just real afraid of a swap. just swap me with jordan/jake/autumn/isaac PLEATHE. im just a pile of anxiety this season idk what to do im like frozen because of how scared i am... maybe it'll be all fine

Well, that was a close one. I struggled with that comp all day and I feel like absolute shit that I only got our team that 1 point. To me, it's inexcusable not to have be able to help my tribe as I wanted to contribute and make sure I made my worth known. So now I'm just this paranoid mess that I would have been in trouble had we gone to tribal. It's been hard to talk to some of these people or for most of those who I do talk to, I just don't really know where there head is at. I'm not sure if this is just a really guarded tribe, or if I really should be concerned. So I don't know what to do just yet. And that's not a feeling I like when playing TS.

Not gonna lie, I’m pretty sad that Bodhi left the game like he was so active pre-season so I was expecting him to do his best to go super far and maybe he did? I don’t know, but I did want a chance to actually get to play with him in TS but we keep passing each other by! I hope he is doing good despite how he might feel being the first boot yknow but yeah <3 

The way I absolutely flopped with the idol system stuff is all types of funny and sad at the same time like I REALLY thought I did something only for it to be part of the challenge… That being said, Amir did tell me that he has a theory the idol system might be based on numbers which is interesting! I am super thankful he decided to tell me and we went on this long talk about how we are each other’s #1s which is super cute! I really do trust Amir and I do want to go far with him because he’s awesome but that being said, my #1 is me like I promised myself that I’d be selfish this time around just because being the selfless person I am hasn’t gotten me a win but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. We did go over a lot of stuff in terms of tribe dynamics and we both kinda agreed that AJ would be the first boot from the time if we went to tribal, we like our alliance with Kendall/Connor, we both like Adam and we both think Austin is sweet/genuine even if we don’t talk to him tons so yay for that too <3

I am SO trying to sell the fact that me and Kendall are a duo to Kendall which is funny to me idk hjfkds like she did approach me super early on about aligning but I do have the tiniest feeling she did that to mostly everyone but I’m trying to pin us with each other to her so she trusts me more, especially since I do feel as though she is the best connected on the tribe. I even called us Crystal Cox (me bc blazing speed and challenge flop ofc) and Ken(dell) ghfjdksl, I’m doing the most but yeah, I just want Kendall to see me as her #1 in the game on the off chance anything happens yknow?

Austin thinks I’m his #1 which is really sweet? I do like Austin even if it is hard to talk to him sometimes but hey, that happens. He told me that he’s really glad I’m on this tribe (which I have heard from basically everyone especially Adam and Amir which makes me feel cute omg) and that we might need to get a group going soon. I was like…. Tea but I also don’t know how quickly I want to get an alliance including Austin going just because it’s like… do I reveal that Austin and I are close-ish and be seen as a social threat? That just ain’t cute sis! But yeah, Austin told me he also really likes Kendall and Amir and that’s awesome that the two people I feel the closest to are ALSO doing THAT but at the same time, I want to be the one doing THAT the most because I’m greedy (by Ariana Grande) so it’s something to keep in mind! 

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Ugh fineeeee since I've been called out... by myself. I guess I'll do the bare minimum. So we won immunity!!!! Wooo!!!!!! Low-key though through out the entire process of making the flag, I just kept thinking darn I wish we voted out someone last tribal because drawing 7 people is annoying... watch me get voted out next tribal council lol. That would be quality foreshadowing. Today I have two goals. 1. Figure out what the method of entering the tomb. I intend on getting in contact with Augusto or Connor for that one. Augusto because he is low-key my number one. Connor because I feel if anyone can solve it he probably could. 2. Set up group chat with me, Augusto, and Austin. So Austin can feel a false sense of reassurance and Augusto and I have options. Write more later maybe.

Honestly im feeling kind of trepidatious going forward which is a little wierd, i just dont feel like ive gotten my footing yet in this game. I think like, im in a good spot to be fine on this tribe because of my social game and how I contribute in challenges, but I dont know if I feel good about anything longterm just yet. What really is bothering me is the tomb. Its gonna be round 3 tonight and I haven't made any more progress on getting in than I have night one. I feel like I have a lot of pieces to this puzzle but nothing is fitting together and its bothering me. I'm also a little upset that if we lose, I could see Liam being the target and I can't see my self risking my position to save him if he cant save himself. He has my name on his wiki page its an obvious association to me, and while I think hed be loyal to me, I'm just wondering honestly if him as an ally is worth the target it may bring. Im cautiously moving through the beginning of this game with a lot of unnease and hopefully I find some steady ground soon.

I am annoyed that we are yet again at tribal. I played so fucking hard at winter bells but of course someone on another tribe got like 238593277 billion which threw us back into tribal... So annoying truthfully. But it's alright, I should be able to make it out alive. I want Devon to go home. But I also don't want to let my guard down. This vote is important for a few reasons. The first reason is that our tribe is very close, so I am nervous that lines are going to be drawn in the sand. The second is that, after this vote, we will be down to five, making 3 the majority. We have an alliance of 4, and lord knows that when you are down to 5, whoever feels like 3 and 4 of the alliance are most likely going to try and rope in the 5th person to get rid of each other. So my plan is to make Isaac and Scott BOTH feel as though they are my number 1s so that they actually stick to our alliance of 4 thinking that I will be keeping them both if we lose again. This is the only way that i can see it working, but idk. I feel bad if Devon ends up going because he's a nice guy, but we have to make choices about strengthening our team, and then I have to make a choice about strengthening my place in the game. Hopefully this doesn't come to bite me in the ass.

Things have been going pretty well for my tribe! We won the first immunity challenge and that really seemed to boost tribe morale. Granted, these past couple of days I've been quiet since I'm trying to boost grades that are literally 0s into something manageable before I graduate hehe. I've tried to keep up with people through small conversations, which seems to work better for me at the moment until I get myself together. Adam wants to create an alliance with Augusto and Amir, which I'm totally for. I understand, though, that he doesn't wanna do it immediately since there's really no urgency to? We didn't go to tribal, so why did it matter! That excuse aside, I do hope that us holding our breath to say something doesn't bite us in the ass because these are people I want to work with! I wanna get something going with Kendall as well hopefully, since I adore her! Earlier, I stated that Adam and I (Adam, really) found our way into the tomb and both flopped in the questions. Adam took another stab at it and found out we've been bamboozled! Someone beat us to the punch and has whatever contents were inside the tomb. I'm assuming it was an idol, but who knows what else is in there! It kinda made me lose motivation to keep searching inside but when in Rome? I'll probably end up trying again despite knowing the end result just because I wanna prove I can be a smart cookie as well. I also didn't gloss over this but I'll mention it really quickly, but I'm sad Bodhi went! He was one of the few people I was familiar with on the other tribes so it's unfortunate we aren't going to be able to connect with each other this game. A king has fallen. In lighter and more recents events, my tribe crushed the second immunity challenge. Kendall stunned with her artistry and I'm still gushing over how cute everyone's character was. I kinda like decimated Winterbells, but I've always been good at the game, and Amir did really well in the scavenger hunt. Augusto and Austin did really well in the puzzle also, despite their lack of confidence in offering a strong performance. We appear to be THEE tribe to beat honestly and I'm loving that. I love our tribe! I LOVE OUR TRIBE! It really would be a tragedy if we aren't able to keep up this win streak we're manifesting. 

Sorry for not writing this sooner! Been having a bad depressive episode for the last couple days and it makes me unmotivated to write c': I feel like a flop so far in this game, not because I submit shit scores, but because I find it exhausting to connect with some of these people. They're all very nice in their own special ways, but interacting w some is like pulling teeth, and I guarantee they feel the same about me, which I would expect. That being said, I hope we keep winning, cause I don't have the energy to go to tribal right now.

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE. 

Thank God we won that based on the tiebreaker, but yikes I didn't think my flag would've tanked so hard. Guess I've gotta get better at perfecting my craft huh, but at least we're safe. I feel nervous on this tribe to be honest, because I think I'm the second to bottom on the totem pole after the other Liam, so it isn't reassuring that if we lose twice I'll either be gone, or I could even be gone at our first tribal if he's got a solid alliance going...the only alliance I have right now is with Jordan and I don't really know where I sit with everyone else, but I'm afraid of overplaying... ugh so annoying! I think I just need to force a couple of game related conversations with people to build up some trust, just hope it wouldn't paint a target on my back for trying I guess...

oh gorl, some of these people on my tribe really think im just the clown of the tribe and cant put two and two together, well guess what, IM NOT. So Amir messages me, which nothing out of the ordinary there, ive been talking to him every day so far for the most part like i said we're a little familiar with each other from our pasts, but i was VERY surprised today at what had happened... what had happened was....he starts talking the smallest bit of game with me, basically he just said, "is it me or is everyone really quiet here?" and so i just agreed with him and i said yeah i dont think people are talking game yet which is a little weird, and then i threw the TINEST tea crumpet out there and i said "yeah ive talked to some people so easily like you, but then there's others who.....i cant say the same for" and i was absolutely hinting at connor/kendall just because i havent had the longest convos with them, which no biggie, but THEN about 20 minutes later i get a message from CONNOR of all people saying "hey adam!" ..... obviously im glad to talk to him and im all for getting to know everyone, but my instincts immediately went off and told me it's a little sus....how not even a few minutes ago i was saying how some people never talk to me and then out of no where the one person i was mainly talking about messages me?? Coincidences don't exist in survivor. Now I really have no choice but to think that amir in someway mentioned to connor that i said theres some people i havent talked to at all and that he probably needed to work on that.. which is true, but cmon. i know the tribe brain cell is missing but at least put a little thought into this and message me later tonight or not right after i say it?? I'm not sure if they have any type of past connection and while I definitely do wanna keep building my relationship with Amir, this will definitely make me question him a little bit at least until i see how some votes fall when we eventually go to tribal. Amir also told me he's had the most convos with Augusto, which is funny because thats exactly how both me and aj feel about augusto, which tells me augusto is really playing the game rn, and while thats someone i want to work with, it's also someone i need to be extremely careful with if we're still playing together down the road. plot twist: connor messaging me has absolutely nothing to do with amir and i just made this whole conspiracy for nothing but idk.... it's a conspiracy IM interested in.

***last add on because i forgot to say how the hell im gonna HANDLE this amir/connor situation... im keeping my eyes on it incase theyre in kahoots and also if they think im that dumb then clearly they havent watched me play before, which is great for me but bad for them, you cant trick a trickster try all you want, There's nothing I love more than being underestimated in survivor because it kinda makes it a little easier to play and gives me more options, so sure ill keep up my fake smiles and act like we're all fine and dandy, ill play dumb and wont even act like im onto them but i absolutely am and ill be ready to make my move the second it seems right 

Ugh I feel so DIRTY. I feel so GROSS. Poor Devon, truly. I spoke with Autumn and told her about Devon, and she was in without a fight and told me that it should be 5-1. And then Devon came to me and was like... we all good for the vote tonight? And I'm like ................yes? Lol. I'm good, you're probably not. ugh, this is the part of this game that I hate. I want to never lose immunity ever again, let someone else break someone else's heart!

Something about Kendall is so chaotic and terrifying and I can’t put a finger on why.her aligning was her talking to me for the first time in a day saying “let’s align” and created an alliance chat without even asking who else should be in it which leads me to believe her Augusto and Connor already have a trio and I was the 4th. Are all these focking people playing me?? Like i still cant tell if this is a real alliance but i want to believe it is and not a bluff to vote me out. But also like why even do that, the only person on this cast that I trust and have played with, bodhi, has just been voted out. I’m a free agent and I can help that alliance make it far in the game, but they also have lots of relationships on other tribes so like I might not even be that valuable to them. I mentioned to Augusto about the numbers on the blog, hoping to create more trust because I really really love him and want to trust him but I’m still just so damn unsure. if we lose this immunity and I get one bad signal from any of those 3, if they slip up even once, I won’t hesitate to align and gather the minority. But if they are playing me properly, then kudos to them! 

I am just happy i have the idol i am going to put it in my ass. 

me when the brains tribe only has 5 members left http://prntscr.com/s8y76g

You know what? https://66.media.tumblr.com/b7b4accba586ad321141b6ba80d69044/tumblr_omule3fwZC1w1swfno1_250.gifv I'm mad but I'm not tight because that same alliance that Duncan and I orchestrated is the same alliance that will get us through. So do I enjoy going to tribal? No. And do I enjoy knowing that Trace created an alliance w/ everyone except me and Devon? No. But the Dads will prevail and I trust Scott and the gang. I mean Ducnan is family so as long as we don't go it's fine. But Devon is my baby so absolutely gotta kill for him. That's what keep em close hahaha But no the Trace vote is a dream come true that I only crossed my mind once and STILL got manifested. Like Duncan suggested it and I said you got it because Trace will be the FIRST to rally all the white boys against me in a swap. Cute or not, Trace will kill me I'm convinced. Like something in my spirit told me not to trust Trace and low and behold: Duncan reveals that alliance to me on Day 3. So confirmed, Trace is leaving so that I don't fall to the bottom of the tribe. But it's all good- Isaac listens to Fleetwood Mac and watches Schitt's Creek so he's a good guy. And Scott is literally a cinammon roll who's too busy to snitch or flip. I don't have time to discuss how much I love Duncan or Devon so we're tabling that. Anyway If y'all need me I'll be doing this 4 part immunity challenge that determines whether I make Final 3 in the other org I'm in so try not to need me lmao

okay so... we aren't going to tribal but its still kinda messy on brawn beach. i kinda have felt this energy for a while, but i don't think jake and jordan have enough trust between the two of them for us to be a continual three person alliance. jake is a very reactive, gut-impulse kind of player which is honestly to his benefit since he is super perceptive. however that also means he is quick to be anxious about stuff in the game, which is the same as me and that is why we click. BUT. he thinks something is up with dan/jordan and honestly i see that and feel it. jordan keeps hinting at dan being the one to loop in and i think that does say something about them having some sort of game dynamic. however, jordan is maybe downplaying that relationship which is scary KLAF tbh i still like jordan and wanna work with him, but i do 100% have to keep tabs on him, his social connections could definitely become a problem if he has other priorities over me! so i think i just have to make sure im a continuing priority for him, so i have to find some sort of information to bring to him (maybe when dan proposes the alliance of me/jordan/jake/dan to me ill run to jordan and be like hey did dan suggest this to you how do you feel) to solidify that sort of trust? idk... i want my j-men to stick together and they ARENT. maybe i need to solidify stuff with TJ specifically more, he gives good ally vibes? but ya... its a mess tm

[ts-indonesia]

Episode 1 - "Time to put on a bra and take some selfies." - Leigh

Episode 1 saw eighteen players, some fresh faces, and some veterans arrive on the Indonesia beaches, ready to play and ready to win. On a somewhat quiet Obor tribe, Leigh/Trent bonded over the age difference on the tribe (with a cunning plan reliant on using the word ‘lit’) and Anabel/Trent begun to form a bond that would survive the test of time.

On the Cahaya tribe, Matt/Jess feared the casting of one another, and Julian arrived plucky and ready to avoid another prejury experience, determined to improve. Owen/Stoner quickly formed HOS 22: Bermuda, and set to work spreading their connections across the tribe, forming at trio with Julian.

After a decisive victory in the Scavenger Hunt, it was revealed the returnees would have to send two returnees to the other tribe as “infiltrators” casting a sole vote. In an attempt to force the result, Julian went “offline”, in an attempt seen-through by his fellow tribe mates, but one that was ultimately successful, with Owen & Julian sent over as infiltrators.

At Obor’s tribal council, Evan quickly emerged as an easy vote, for his minimal challenge contribution. Two key alliances formed, a newbie majority alliance of Trent/Chris O/Leigh/Anabel/Lorelei and a girls’ alliance of Lorelei/Anabel/Leigh, with Anabel armed with an idol to boot.

As expected, Evan was sent out unanimously, but not before Julian trashed on the Cahaya tribe during tribal council... in a tribal seen... by the Cahaya tribe. With Evan out, the torches still inspiring such hate, and the infiltrators returning... that drew round one to a close.

MATT

first confessional give me idol? 

also hi Jones

OWEN

okay so im walking onto the boat.... my hair is thinning, my skin is getting wrinkly, im ancient at this point. nonetheless im back for like the sixth time. or seventh, honestly who can keep track anymore. i see these like cute little new people. ANABEL's vid is AMAZING gay icon, lorelei legend likes pokemon mystery dungeon,  Leigh is near chicago, like... i literally love all these new players but then i realize NONE OF THEM WILL BE ON MY TRIBE SKADSFJH. instead? im stuck with crazy ppl. there's julian who i voted out premerge in the season I won, and Matt who was in my most recent season nnn but NOT the matt I worked with in that game. and of all people CHRIS STONER LMAO. to be fair, chris isn't that bad bc I know he'll work with me hopefully but also I know he's a good player and wouldn't hesitate to cut me out. thank god olivia and jess are here tbh. omg and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....a furry shows up. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK lmao I remember foxx back from the old old days and he seems scary :(((( good news is julian said him and isaac haven't ever gotten along and that isaac has voted him out twice :') so that might be good. and i'm fairly sure stoner and jess would have my back rn i just need to talk more to them. but for real, as soon as there's a swap or something if I survive that long? bye bye returnees :) i dont see myself getting very attached to anyone at the start so ill just do my best to ride out this beginning and maybe have some fun

LEIGH

I'm looking forward to seeing how long our tribe chat is just "Hey *Tribe Member's Name*!" 

I think it could go on a while.

OWEN

chris: ditching u for the other stoner tho chris: tumblr needs an all stoner f2... 7:23 PM me: thats ok im ditching u for the gay girl from the first post me: but for now? u and me <3 7:23 PM chris: deal stoner and I rlly did speak this into existence....... it'll happen

LEIGH

So this tribe has literal children on it. 15, 16 years old. I might have to backstab ACTUAL CHILDREN!  How do I even fit in with them? Trent suggested we could buy fidget spinners.  I said maybe yoga pants and a crop top?  There are people here BORN AFTER 9/11!!!  What the fuck I didn't even know you could be born after 9/11 and be out of kindergarten. What year is it?

EVAN

Just met some other castaways, they seem pretty chill.

FOXX

What's up. So this fox has returned after an eternity of a hiatus with more grey in his muzzle and hopefully some self-awareness to go with it. I played some pretty solid games in the past but after taking a long time lurking and sort of forgetting Tumblr Survivor Crooks asked if I wanted to play despite not knowing I have played before. That's how old and irrelevant of a has-been I am. Back from the dead. I'm glad my star has faded and I can go in with a blank slate. My biggest concern is that I am not on my anxiety medication so my social interactions, especially on call, will be a lot more stilted and I'm terrified this will impair my judgment but we'll see. Right now I'm not trying to come off as a huge strategist. I made an intentionally crappy intro video, made fun of myself, and just tried to be funny without coming off too weird/desperate etc. Almost like I'm not taking this too seriously. However, already I'm noticing a patterns in how people on my tribe are. I have no fucking clue who these mammals are. People will have extensive conversations about people, twists, running jokes, etc and I'm totally lost. That hiatus really did fuck with my ability to ingratiate myself with this community. That will be a huuuuge advantage coming to dealing with the newbies since I can leverage that to not seem so threatening but right now I think I'm doing a fair job being friendly and making people laugh. I hope. God. So my thoughts on my tribemates thus far: Stoner: Vaguely know who this guy is. Aptly named. He's clearly blazed as hell but I can tell he's bright and likable. Says "oh shit" a lot and he seems like depsite his facade he's probably someone I can work with. Isaac: We talked about Overwatch a bit and he seems nice but he's not coming on my radar too strong. Jess: Definitely made a fairly strong impression on me since we're similar ages, Francophone, and we bonded over our mutual detest and hatred of furries and then I calmly sneak in the fact I am a furry an hour later and holy shit I was trying so hard to not bust into tears. She's funny and likable and seems like she's someone I could work with. Matt: Talked a bit about me coming back. Very little in group call. Michael: Talked a fair amount about D&D and made some fun Upside Down jokes. Seems like we have a lot in common but him being a different time zone could prove hard to keep up with. Being the outlier on Time Zones is playing on Hard Mode. Olivia: Love her! We bonded over animals and she seems like a total sweetheart and I definitely wanna share pics of my cat with her some more! Owen: We talked a bit about literature and it was fun. Definitely seems intelligent and he's someone I know a bit about from Olympics. In an ideal world I'd want to work with Stoner, Jess, Olivia, & Michael but everything in on fire. Also, no luck on the idol so fuck me I guess

JESS

So... first night has been interesting? I was going to do your typical "first impressions" confessional but... FOXXX or whatever the fury's name is.... is playing too hard too fast. Am I being a Paranoid Patty and reading this the WRONG WAY entirely? Possibly. HOWEVER... It's been less than 5 hours since we were thrown into this hell hole of a game (The hosts are lovely individuals but we all know this is about to get insane) and he's telling me if I want to make a move that he's my guy? Ummm.... WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR FIRST IMMUNITY YET? I'M NOT THINKING MOVES RIGHT NOW? I BARELY CAN REMEMBER YOUR NAME!

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/Swisjdq1R4s

OLIVIA

Have I befriended a furry???????? Is this real life????? Is he actually a furry or just really in deep on this joke? Why are there so many Dylans in orgs? Also fucking goddamnit I like EVERYONE HERE I just wanna be friends with all y’all damn. All of the newbies are so adorable and seem so excited and unknowing to the pain that’s gonna come :’) Annabelle especially like my wig flew with that intro! I wanna meet them all. Also wtf is with the torches I WANNA KNOW ALREADY! Anyways that’s all I’m excited for this season. Owen and I renewed the o alliance :-) and Jess seems cool as hell I really clicked with her and the furry. Michael seems sweet and I already know Julian from Mykonos, the absolute crackhead. Real sweetie tho hopefully we’re friends. I hope I’m not coming off as too insane I was so nervous on the phone call with the tribe :( it was so fun but I felt like every time I said something it fell flat I felt so awkward abhhhhhahshsjaj. Anyhoo yay! New season!

Should I write the rest of my confessionals in japanese? Neko. Boom

JESS

So coming into this game with a TS under my belt is different... I still have no expectations whatsoever BUT I do know how HARD people go for in these games and I'm planning to go just as hard. The first night was wild. Everyone on my tribe except for Matt and Julian were lively on the tribe call. Everyone seemed pretty cool and super... out there.. I think Isaac might be the one to watch on my tribe. He's been around the block and knows most people on my tribe (new and old). WHICH IS WHY.. I'm going to try my best and get super close to him. I need to make sure I'm not disposable to these "older players" and as asset to these "newer" players. I just know need to cool my jets on the whole socializing bit in the main chat (Yes I know it's literally day 1). I want to be as irrelevant as possible so no one thinks I'm a threat but no one really wants to get rid of me either. Gotta focus on those INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Hopefully these other players with more TS's under their belts become bigger shields than me because if not... yikes on yikes.

ROB

I like everyone so far. Evan is giving me a few red flags because he’s only giving me one word answers, so i might take that into consideration when voting.

FOXX

We had a very fun group call with the tribe last night. Definitely haven’t laughed that much in a while. Love my tribe thus far so I hope we can keep the good vibes going. Jess & Stoner are people I feel like have talked with me the most Nd Olivia, Owen, & Michael are also friendly so I think I have options. One thing I’ve noticed is how casual and sociable this tribe is. Nothing is more frustrating than a tribe full of overserious gamebots (*cough* Selwyn *cough*) but it’s a group of funny and chill people. It’s gonna be a great game!

OLIVIA

I love these hosts 🙂 HATE the idol system but honestly it doesn’t change much I’ve never gotten an idol before and probably never will so it won’t change my gameplay lmao

I like Isaac a lot too! Forgot to say. But I’m also a little wary of him because I know he’s very experienced

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDvx7VxRC8

ANABEL

well. yesterday i found an idol on my second guess. and made two new friends. so yesterday was great. today was bad. i outed myself. my mom heard me tell my eyebrow lady that i was gay. this is a sad confessional and i wish i wasn’t so loud. im real fucking sad. sorry. but at least i have an idol and some friends.

LEIGH

Time to put on a bra and take some selfies.

I'm glad I shaved today for that tattoo selfie.

OLIVIA

There’s an alliance I’m not in isn’t there

Why am I so FUCKING awkward

ANABEL

im so fucking good at survivor like... good lord. trent and i are like best friends already (see, i knew this would happen, i always meet a nice old usually straight man and we become friends, it's like the hallmark of my survivor experiences) and we came up w a plan where i am gonna try and seduce evan and rob and make them my lil minions so im gonna lie to them and tell them that im a cheerleader bc that's hot right?? so ya my womanly charms will be utilized to their fullest potential. go me.

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/aAqEUHoyy78

LEIGH

Can we talk about how bullshit it is to have "Lipstick in your tribe's color" when we're yellow and they're RED?  Honest to god might as well have "Lemon in your tribe's color" to make it fair.

Alex coming in with bold capslock "MAKE SURE EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM HAS SUBMITTED AT LEAST ONE THING" ... Just DM Evan directly my dude.

OLIVIA

Feeling much better about this game today than I was last night I think I was just spiraling 🥰 we’re doing really well on the challenge and I hope we win!! Two people messaged me saying I’m doing great on the challenge and idk how to respond. Just tryna make sure we don’t lose I will NOT be the first vote out. Newbies go hard on scavenger hunts but I go even harder 😈

LORELEI

Ok so! I'm super bummed that obor lost the challenge, I really thought we would win! Now we have to get rid of someone and it sucks but I feel like we all know who it has to be. It's not even personal, it's just the fairest thing and the best thing for our tribe. Also, alliances are forming! I like Anabel, Leigh and Trent so I'm with them but I'm gonna try to connect with everyone so I'm not on the outskirts. I hope that the boys haven't formed an all boys alliance bc if they have, then the girls could be in danger. That's it for now!

STONER

guess I’ll follow Alex crook’s rules... https://youtu.be/ndsfCdjtcQI

Not much, about to sleep! https://youtu.be/v12a2AbklVw

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/4inKBNkg87M

JESS

It's 2:30am so WHY NOT post ANOTHER confessional? Am I right? Honestly, we won which I'm BEYOND THANKFUL for. I hate tribal and I can now at least say I wasn't first boot. THANK GAGA. I'm just really trying to solidify things with Michael right now. I think out of everyone on my current tribe I can honestly see myself making a run at this game with him (at least up until merge). I offered him the prospect of sharing idol clues (it's literally the only collateral I have at the moment) so hopefully this doesn't bite me in the fucking ass. Other than Michael I was kind of hoping to somehow get closer to both Julian and Matt (plot twist I know). Matt has hosted me before and it's no secret he is a founding father of the "I Hate Jess" Club. However, these two seem to be the odd men out right now. They aren't overly socializing with people so there's a high chance they'll be taken out if our current tribe loses. HOWEVER.. I see potential numbers in them. So I can't let that happen. As of right now both Foxx and Stoner seem to be the ones to watch out for. I just can't let them think or know... that I know that about them. Stoner gives me mega "I say the same things to everyone" vibes. He's clearly playing a strong social game so far. I just need to play dumb and ensure that he thinks he can control/trust me. Honestly, as soon as he doesn't see value in me I have no doubt he's gonna cut me. Foxx on the other hand, just seems like he's playing too hard. He's another guy who I strongly believe is going to drop me as soon as I have no value to him. I'm just going to have to have to lay low and be dumb. Owen scares me shitless. He's giving me PTSD from my last season because homeboy is playing a strong contender game. He's definitely a pick to win. He's another person who I'm going to have to try and pretend I'm under their spell. Am I playing too hard too fast? I'm not entirely sure. I'm just going to slow my role a bit and see what happens

MATT

What’s Up? WHAT’S UP?!?!?!?  how dare you ask me such a ludicrous question.  Alright so first real general confessional of the game here.  I wanna eventually try and record some video confessionals, but that’s if i have the time. but for today, we’re good with a text.   So starting off the game on the Cahaya Tribe, which consists of entirely returnees.  So right off the bat it makes nervous bc i’m really not around much in the community.  Yeah i’m in a few VL’s and i played once before, but i really don’t know anyone.  So being the odd one out for that reason was a real fear for a little bit. Looking at my tribe, there are a few names that stood out the most to me.  Owen stood out bc we both played Kuwait, and even tho we never met each other, we still have that little connection.  Chris motherfucking Stoner is here too!!  Chris is such a chill dude.  we played together once before and i voted him out pre swap.  But that game was so long ago, and i really don’t think he cares (i know i dont).  So i’m looking forward to reconnecting with him.  Jess is also here!! Jess and I had met previously because i hosted her in Celestial Komnata, and we had some rough misunderstandings there.  But months have passed and I know that I am well over it bc i frankly don’t care.  But i feel like she still probably cares which will not be good for me. Michael was the last person that stood out to me.  Not because I know him, or know of him.  But because he’s the only Non-North American in the cast, which means if i can stay up late and socialize with him, he might favor me over other When i looked at the other tribe, i think the only person i know is Anabel?  We played together once, i hosted her, so we have somewhat of a connection that if we swap together, i hope that works in my favor.   So on the first night of the game, i was very busy with Celestial All stars premiere, so i didn’t get to talk as much as i would’ve liked.  which resulted in me telling jones on call like 5 times that i’m gonna be first boot.  But the first night, i talked with everyone (to some degree) except Issac bc i forgot Issac was here.   The torch twist thing i have no idea what it’s going to be and it worries me.  My first thought is that it somehow would result in a third tribe bc there were six torches.  so someone would light a torch and be placed on that tribe. But it’s too early to figure out what they even mean and i’m sure as the game progresses.  

LEIGH

Woooo so what's happened.  Well, we lost the challenge and it wasn't even close. I haven't looked at the spreadsheet to see the final scores but I feel like Me, Trent, and Anabell did the most work.  I talked to a few people last night and put Evan's name out there cuz I know most people are too scared to say a name first and I feel comfortable enough about my position to be the one to say a name that most people should agree with. A mutual alliance formed between me, Chris, Trent, Anabell, and Lorelei.  Within it, an all girls 3 alliance formed which I'm super happy to be part of.  I'm sure Trent will be paranoid about that sooner or later so hopefully Chris and I can make him feel confident.  Trent is sharing idol guesses with me so I'm hoping that means I'm like the closest person to him right now.  I like the number of options I have so far. 

I feel like Facebook might be falling out of style so maybe these youngin's don't even have it or aren't familiar with Facebook ORGs.  The only other people here who know my history as far as I know are Foxx and Chris, and I hope neither of them bring it up. If I can stay UTR that'd be nice.  Also, I think I need to stop capitalizing letters/using punctuation if I wanna fit in with these kids.  Did I already confessionalize that? Not sure.

Apparently Lorelei missed the HII thing day one haha oh well. I'm compiling guesses from me, Chris, and Trent. Hopefully I'll get them from the girls too. I'm not showing the girls' guesses to Chris though. I don't think he'll be mad at me for it. We gotta play close to the vest sometimes yo

TRENT

So far I think the game is going alright. My tribe is incredibly quiet for some reason but I guess that isn't too bad. I made a connection with Anabel and Leigh pretty early on. Decided to suggestion and alliance and both we in so I added Chris and Lorelei so we had a majority. This is the alliance I wanted from the beginning. I wanted the older people to stick together and then add in one young one. I think it's a pretty solid idea. Ive been messaging both kenny and dylan as well. I don't want an alliance with them, but I would like for them to like me and want me to stay in. I also think im getting along pretty well with the two infiltrators right now. Julian was spilling all kinds of info about his tribe to me this morning and then me and owen connected really well. Hopefully this will help me in the future if there is a split soon.

OLIVIA

Jess was hinting that her, foxx, stoner, and I should get together and I said we’d make a nifty cool group. A NIFTY COOL GROUP WHAT THE FUCK IS A NIFTY COOL OLIVIA

ISAAC

This twist can become SO detrimental. And I’m so MAD Owen went over there first because that bitch is unbelievably charismatic. Hopefully it paints a bigger target on him but like it’s whatever. I like my tribe. We seem chill and I seem to vibe the most with Olivia and Jessica Messica. Foxx is cool. Julian is....Julian ig. Matt has yet to talk to me so that’s a wig ig. Michael seems nice but ngl I get kinda bored when I try to talk to him? He seems very gamebot-y which could be frightening but idk he’s not my biggest problem atm. I’m terrified of Owen - he’s unbelievably charismatic and has the ability to twist people around his finger so like I’m gonna keep my eye on him and I’m not gonna let him out of my sight. With that being said I do wanna see him live for at least a little while for meat-shield purposes. Anyways I hope I do well this game but 👀 I have a sinking feeling.

KENNY

So yeah.. it seemed like a pretty laxxed day and Evan was the vote. How true is that? Idk but I have to trust strangers. But just heard he through my name out like 20 minutes ago, with less than 3 hours to go. So I just hope everyone’s being honest 😭

OWEN

what’s up? Everything :’) I couldn’t help as much in the scav hunt as I liked because I was living my life. But thankfully we won anyways bc my tribe kicked ass! I still contributed some and I made sure to keep talking to people. I still love olivia, and matt has been fun to talk to. Don’t rlly know why but foxx seems hard to get to know. And not big into michael rn either. I think I will stick with Julian and chris, hopefully can pull in jess and olivia to do something if we lose. Chris mentioned that both him and jess DO like foxx so we will see.... The main thing is that this twist worked out perfectly for me!!!! I couldn’t call when we were decided and I REALLY wanted to go. Thankfully I was able to take advantage of the majority vote thing and pretend like I wasn’t online hehe and by some miracle I got picked to go. MEANT TO BEEE and let me say I was right, I do love this tribe so much more than my own for some reason. Trent is great, Annabel and I are talking like I wanted, the Chicago girl and the Pokémon mystery dungeon girl. It’s so good over here, but the biggest surprise has been chris o. I really like him and could see myself working well with him if we swap. The only thing is that Julian said he was sketchy sometimes..... hehe so down the road I might have to tell chris o that Julian is after him :~) but I don’t need to snake too hard yet, for right now I’m a crocodile lookin like a log. Vote should be easy on Evan from what I’ve heard but if it changes? I’ll be living for the drama!

LORELEI

It looks like Evan is the consensus. I feel really bad though because it's not his fault. He tried to plead his case with me by saying that he wasn't the only one that was inactive, but that doesn't change the fact that he contributed the least. I know it's the fair thing to do but I feel bad about it. Voting out people is so not fun, I really hope we win the next challenge so I won't have to do this again.

EVAN

I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. I’ve been trying to get people to vote Kenny but idk fuck

KENNY

“I know I’M voting Evan = I might be voting Evan but I know others are voting you”. Or am I being paranoid

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaH8l2R-Xt0

MATT

i feel like i did pretty good on the scavenger hunt.  i managed to scoop up a bunch of items that were left over and some that were high points.  so i do feel good about my performance and think i pulled my weight.  Speaking of pulling weight...Julian is...there.  I think he only submitted one item which was the Vine.  I mean i get you have work and are busy, but like...most of us were the same?  even issac who was celebrating his birthday did more.   after challenge results we got on call in the tribe chat (olivia, chris, michael, myself). and we were talking about the infiltrator twist and the challenge results.  We agreed to have myself and Olivia go, but we needed 5 for a majority.  Julian shows up and says he “might wanna go tbh”.  and then disappears.  We’re on call laughing bc we wanna submit this and not randomize it, so someone who isn’t here gets forced to go.  BUT JULIAN won’t talk in tribechat even tho we’re all like, “hey we’ll take turns and you can go next time.”. but no.  Julian is only talking in olivia’s pm’s and she’s telling us whatever he’s saying. eventually the hour is up, and julian got randomized to go.  that fucker strong armed us into randomizing and he still went god damnit.   I think that call was good for my game because we were just chatting for like 1.5 hours about the game stuff and people.  After michael/chris left the call it was just Olivia and myself on call and we stayed on for another hour and a half(????? ish??? probably less i can’t remember).  But that was a nice call and i think helped start to solidify a bond.  Olivia is someone i can see myself working with in this game.  Same goes for Michael and Chris.  I feel like that call group was pretty natural and we got along really well.  I’m too nervous to initiate any kind of alliance talk, but i know it’s gonna have to happen eventually.  i’m sure alliances already exist on the tribe and i’m obviously not in them.  I think for starters, i need to work on conversations a bit more, because they are somewhat weak right now.  My goal for the future is to work on olivia, michael, chris and owen.  Those are the people i feel most good about.  Foxx is cool but idk it seems hard to gel with them.  Julian is cracked and i hope he’s our first boot.  and the four of us on call forgot issac was on the tribe so that’s not good for him. i think i’m in a decent position for now, but i’m not gonna count my chickens before they hatch (i think that’s the saying idfk)

[survivor-islands-of-adventure]

EPISODE 9

As frustrating as the blind vote was, Timmy went home, thankfully. There wasn’t a lot of drama or anything, but I still want to touch base with everyone regardless.

Mark made a group chat comprised of all of the original Villains kinda out of nowhere. Named it "OG Villys", which is dangerously close to copyright infringement with the thing I have with Chris and Drew. They're targeting Tracey, which I'm not crazy about. She's really proven herself these last couple of days to me, and I'd rather see a villain go than a civilian.

I knew that "OG Villys" chat was sus. According to Drew, Ricky went rouge and told him that the plan isn't to vote out a Hero, it's to vote out a Civilian. Tracey is just an easy target, and after her, it'll be a domino effect. Not gonna lie, I feel a little betrayed, but at least I've got an excuse to work with the Heroes.

We love tea and our allies winning the special powers! Pat just told me he won the blind reward comp! So exciting. I do consider Pat a very close ally in this game. He has a Sapphire Idol and this is definitely something we can utilize down the road. I knew it would be some cracked ass idol knowing Monty specifically haha. I was worried someone like Sammy or Mark would have it but knowing where it is, is certainly helpful. I feel like I’m in a decent spot in this game, it’s just going to be tricky not being caught on both sides. I have my OG heroes on one side, and my civilian boys on the other side. Realistically Mark or Tracey going doesn’t really negatively impact my game in any shape or form. I think Mark going is big because it’s the first real big move of the game. It could open things up between Sammy and I and other OG villains that didn’t get swapped. It’s also a positive for Tracey to go because I literally have no allegiance to her. She hasn’t told me the truth about my name being thrown around (even tho it was fake) and she honestly just isn’t online as much as she should be to chat. I really don’t know which way I’m voting tonight, but it will likely be what’s best for my game personally without making any waves??? What that is??? Who knows.

Why does Ricky hate me so much like he comes for me in every game we play together, I just don't know what I did to him to make him hate me so much. 

A.T. told me that Mark should go home because we should vote a villain out, but i dont 100% agree with it. Now apparently votes are going for Madison which I 200% don't agree with because apparently Ricky wants her out. Idk who to vote for at this point but it sure as hell isn't for Madison. I might need to vote Mark but I'll still be upset if he leaves. Who else is gonna call me Mami?

So apparently AT is a rat? And so is stoner? And mark could be going home? Like what the hell is happening. I really need Madison or AT to go home and it ain’t fair I don’t get my way all the time ugh! I am perfect! 

Positives I won immunity I'm at least tying my worst placement, hopefully beating it I had a really good hiding spot Negatives: An ally is leaving tonight I have no traction in this game Getting out of double digits is gonna be nearly impossible I spent an entire day of my life defending a fucking hiding spot I'm sad like all the time Why am i here

This week has been fucking crazy. Dan is the only one that know that I TOLD MARK THATVHE WAS BEING TARGETED. And my final goal was to save Madison and mark and I think that me and dan and Chelsea actually pulled it off. I am SO BERVOUS for this vote. This has been one of the most hectic survivor days I have ever had ever. 

Whewwwwww so I survived blind week and timbo is goooooone! He was mad on his way out talking about big moves and stuff gfhgjgjbjh so immunity happened and drew got it which leaves me in a panic bc I feel like vulnerable and obvs my name was brought up but now everything is getting messy and I might be fine after all????? So initially I wanted to go for one of the heroes but then AT came to me and was like we should vote mark instead and I'm like wow he's really goin after his own ppl,?!?! So like Chelsea got wind of this plan and told mark about it which makes me wonder if they are close or if Chelsea wants the villains to self destruct ???? Either way it could keep me safe so idc!!!!!! So like Madison's name has also been brought up but I think with the two boys targeting each other she may be safe too, which sucks bc fuck the heroes but oh well. Anyway in conclusion this tribal is gonna be messy and idk what will happen cyrhdjfgg like my biggest fear rn is that the heroes are tricking both sides of the villains in order for us to split and then they have majority and vote for like me or smth idk if that's even viable at this point but I'm worrying anyway dhdjdjndjd I think my best bet may be with voting for mark but we'll see how it goes 

This week has been fucking crazy. Dan is the only one that know that I TOLD MARK THATVHE WAS BEING TARGETED. And my final goal was to save Madison and mark and I think that me and dan and Chelsea actually pulled it off. I am SO BERVOUS for this vote. This has been one of the most hectic survivor days I have ever had ever. 

okay so i has the hiding spot first bc i saw the rule where if you had it for an hour then like u win. So i was like okay y’all like I’m about to pop off and win this thing. Then the rule got changed  and I was like oop and pmed drew telling him to take it and he could have it LMAO. I didn’t tell anyone that tho bc I don’t want people to think I’m working w him. I wanna trust drew so badly but i know how smart he is and how he can snap crackle and pop my neck in a sec. so i ended up sleeping really good bc i didn’t care about the challenge bc i don’t think I’m in any real danger. In order to win this game tho i need to make some power moves. I really want to separate myself from mark even tho we have f2 but like i wanna be f2 with Dan or like Tracey or something. Or Charlotte/pippa. I just know that mark has a target on his back and i could potentially get one on mine by association. I have barely talked to any of the heroes so i gotta up my social game. Also AT has annoyed me a lot and I have my little alliance the suggestion of voting him out and they legit just turned it down. UMM NO YALL, I’ve been through this before and I’m not going through another alliance where what i day doesn’t matter. By the end of the night I’ll get what i want. That put up a red flag for me bc it shows that the alliance isn’t really like showing thought about my plan and that madison should go home tonight. I low key didn’t care much for madison and the start bc like we don’t talk but i want to work with her and like pat more. Umm i think that’s all that has happened but I’ve heard several names(Madison/Mark/Dan/AT/Tracey) as long as it ain’t me I’m good HOLLA.

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol andrew? ANDREW? fucking andrew tried to get me out. my goodness what a terrific joke that was. The second he brought my name up every hero came to me and told me. the best part is im not close with any of them other than pat lol. then he tried to be cute on call and i shut that down too. imagine how embarrasing that mustve been. so confident on call for absolutely nothing. the only thing that might come back at me on that vote was when i told madison that stoner targetted her last round LOL he def didnt do that but im a fucking villain for a reason so yolo. anyways the foursome of me sammy charlotte and ricky is like well known now but im p sure pat and chelsea want me to stick around and work with me. eventually well have to cut ricky so that way me and sammy dont look so suspicious. im gonna try and fade into the background for a couple rounds but that wont happen. if it were up to me the next three votes would be dan drew and then stoner. dan and drew are just such challenge beasts and it breaks up the alliance of chelsea pat dan and madison and stoner is just a flake and does whatever he wants which is scary.  ok im bored of typing bye

[datingadviceonreddit]

So I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 6mos. We see each other once or twice a week. Everything from lunch or dinner dates to concerts, movies, shopping and random stuff. He said “I love you” about a month in. I’ve tried to break things off with him a couple times but my only reason is the age difference. He always gets me to relent by saying things like aren’t you happy, do you not enjoy our time together and other sweet things. I am really happy when I’m with him. He makes me laugh, smile and is incredibly thoughtful, kind and generous. My biggest concern is in a couple yrs if we actually lasted that long he might want kids. He knows I can’t have more because of age and health issues and I already have a teen child. He says he’s in it for however long it lasts and understands what he’s in for with me. That being said I also know what I look like now is good I pass for much younger. Most ppl don’t think I’m as old as I am. But it won’t always be like this. Sooner than later I’ll begin to show my age and he may decide he’s done with me. And as vain and selfish as it sounds I’m concerned it will be much harder to for me be seen as physically attractive to men. Is this as weird as I think it is? I definitely know guys have a thing for milfs- or just want to hookup with one. Am I not paying attention to all the red flags ? Do I just go with it like he says or do I cut him out just to prevent future heartache? I do think I love him. Is that wrong? Can you really be in love with someone almost 20yrs younger than you? Why couldn’t I have just found a nice older guy to grow old with? Help!! via /r/dating_advice

[mysteriouslydarktale-blog]

Hurt Bae

Hurt Bae – Reaction

By Valerie Jean

The Scene, an online platform for digital shorts, documentaries and social issues, recently posted a brief but poignant video that is now circulating the internet.  The video focuses on two young adults, Leonard and Kourtney, and their past relationship. Infidelity, betrayal and trust were the main themes discussed in this clip and it was hard resisting the urge to cry as it went along. Kourtney, sometimes known as CreoleKourt on social media, fought back tears as she questioned her ex's intentions. Leonard admitted to being unfaithful, having did "everything," including having sex with other girls during the course of their relationship. He claimed he wasn't fully able to commit. 

"I guess at the time I... I just didn't want to," he elaborated.

 Kourtney stated that she was aware of his suspicious behavior, having went through his phone and his computer. She didn't trust him but made a conscious decision to stay in the relationship. She asserted that she didn't leave because she felt she was, "stupid," and evidently very in love. The most compelling dialogue in this short was Kourtney admitting that she forgave him, despite his unfaithfulness.

 "Because you're my best friend," she said.

 The internet did not react kindly at all to Leonard and his seemingly emotionless demeanor and responses, with people saying things like:

 "When she said "because your my bestfriend", but we all knew she really meant "because I love you" ‪#hurtbae."

 " She too fuckin pretty for that shit. That nigga trippen I would've kissed her and told her fuck that I need you as much as u need me."

 "Wow now that's closure 😢 I've never had that before 😞yea he might seem emotionless but at least he is there saying it like it is some ppl don't even get that."

 HERE IS MY TAKE ON THIS VIRAL VIDEO:

 To summarize my views, they were both in the wrong. I fully comprehend that it takes a tremendous amount of strength to leave someone you truly love but in a situation like this, you need to take some time to reflect and make an intelligent decision. Kourtney stayed with Leonard, she stayed with him. She stayed in light of his distrustful behavior, she stayed despite the fact that she didn't trust him. She stayed. Again, it takes a lot of courage to leave someone you have so much invested in, and that you've shared so many memories and experiences with but you have to take some kind of accountability if you choose to stay despite the many red flags.

 Leonard cheated on her and being cheated on is extremely traumatic. It makes you question your self-worth and sometimes deteriorates your self-esteem. We can all agree that cheating is a terrible act and no one should be put through that kind of heartbreak. Leonard was 100% wrong for cheating. He was wrong for not being able to initially break things off with and continue with his lifestyle as a single individual. Kourtney was clearly broken and forlornly mentioned that she felt like he, "abandoned," her. He did and he was wrong, indefinitely, for his actions.

 Many people commented about his body language and demeanor. He was seemingly stoic and unaffected – but things may not always be what they seem. People exhibit heartache, guilt, remorse, grief in various different ways. Guys tend to be better at hiding their emotions than their female companions. He may have felt some kind of repentance and didn’t know how to properly express it. It may have been his surroundings, it may have been the fact that he was being filmed and documented. If this conversation was exclusively private, it may have been played out differently. I'm not saying that he really didn't feel anything at all, I'm saying we shouldn't jump to conclusions and assume he felt no shame or remorse. At the very least, he was honest.

 As a side note, if I was in Kourtney's position, although very clearly hurt and betrayed, I don't know how comfortable I would feel with millions of people bashing my best friend and someone I once loved and had very strong feelings for. People were really going in on this dude. Obviously, he made some very bad decisions and we all know his actions were immoral but I don't know…please let me know how you think you would feel….  J

 This video was compelling and resonated with so many young people.

 It teaches us an important lesson about love and trust. If you know you are not ready to commit, remain single. If you feel tempted to cheat, if you have eyes for other people – communicate these feelings to your significant other and/or break it off immediately.  And if you are or have been cheated on, please leave the situation – do not put up with that kind of abuse. Most people do not know what they have until it's gone.

 "The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her." – Bob Marley.

[datingadviceonreddit]

I must warn you this is long but I really need someone to read it and understand.The first thing I’ll say I know I messed up. In a nutshell: I saw this guy let’s call him M, around and we lived in the same building at uni, however never talked to him until about 10 days ago. Before that we’d definitely noticed each other around if you know what I mean. I thought he was maybe shy or smt when he saw me but otherwise a pretty loud person. We hung out alike every other day after we met and things escalated. One night we made out and then a few nights later (last night) we had sex. He stayed the night and we had sex again in the morning.I’d told him it was my first time and he was cautious and careful and all of that. He asked me like a million times if I was sure and I said yes. There was a bit of dithering and we were both indecisive but in the end we didn’t use protection (I sorted that with the pill), but after he left I felt really down and heavy and numb - it wasn’t as good as I’d imagined although it wasn’t bad.One thing that really killed the mood ( even though tbh I was already feeling doubtful) was just before he left, he was like you’re gonna take the pill right and I was like Ofc ( I mean he had a right to ask but it felt really clinical) And then he was like and also I don’t want to tell anyone, and you’re not going to tell anyone right and I was like sure. He specifically asked me not to tell his best friend ( let’s call him L) here who I know because of gossip. Of course it was a red flag so i told my best friends and one of my sisters everything that had happened.The first thing I assumed was he was seeing someone else, which is why he kept us a secret. It’s confusing because two days after we met He invited me for drinks with his guy friends and wtv. And it was pretty obvious he liked me even though it was subtle. And again two days later invited me to this party with some more friends and I went. And that was the night we first kissed. In our Accommodation building there’s a huge divide between post graduates and undergraduate (he’s a postgrad). So it was obvious to all his post grad friends that I was an undergrad and I’d seen most of them before. So it was more as if he wanted to hide the fact that we did anything together rather than the fact that he liked me. Or maybe he didn’t think that through at all and that’s just how it happened.So again last night M invited me to hang out in his kitchen with two friends. His best friend L definitely knew by this point that he liked me, although he never knew about the kiss or anything. But M had been more and more obvious about teasing me and calling me beautiful in front of L, even the night of the party.I knew it wasn’t going to be a relationship or wtv because M is leaving the country and going back home at the end of his course. And in between that we both have exams. So tbh even though I liked him I didn’t expect much of it at all. I never thought I would even kiss him and tbh I really didn’t think anything through until after the sex.Even so we did have serious conversations and he texted every day, and it was obvious we enjoyed each other’s company. He kept trying to play the piano so I could sing for him and We did actually do that once. TBH I can’t tell if he was just trying his luck to see if we would have sex and it worked. Most of the time he wasn’t flirting- in my previous post I wrote about how I couldn’t tell what he wanted. Sometimes he would act like an older brother or something. Sometimes he would say I was beautiful and stuff like that. He said I made him nervous and I think that would align to how I noticed him looking at me before we ever spoke. I just assumed he was shy or maybe had a crush. But the way he probed me today was as if he thought I liked him before we met which I don’t even know anymore. He definitely got my attention that’s all I could say.So back to this morning. After a few hours I texted him like look it was fun but I’m not really ready for this and tbh I wasn’t ready and I think it’s unhealthy to be sneaking around and it’s a bad time for both of us, so this should probably stop.And he answered you’re probably right I didn’t seem that relaxed about it. And then I asked him if he was still seeing someone and he explained they broke up 8 months ago but he still has feelings every now and then (and probably wants her back) which I guess partly explains his sketchy behaviour. I guess the other part was him feeling guilty about taking my virginity so casually. And he suggested we talk in person because he wanted to explain.So we ended up talking for two hours. And he essentially said I shouldn’t regret it and he’s sorry he should have thought about it. I also apologised bc I kind of messed up too. And he asked st what point did I regret it, seeing as we did it three times. And to be honest I still can’t answer that but it was definitely the “don’t tell anyone” which dampened the mood. And to side track a little , for months I would catch him staring at me and look away looking guilty. So I’m s little confused what his guilt is really about. I know for sure he’s not in an actual relationship because I see so much of him and it would have come up, so he’s being honest there. I guess he’s confused about his feelings.He asked me if it was the case that when we first met I’d imagined a future with him or something more, or whether I’d had a crush on him for longer, and tbh I don’t know. Like I would see him occasionally but there were plenty other guys who were in exactly the same situation with me. I knew it wasn’t going to be a relationship. I knew he was a postgrad. And before we talked for the first time I would only really think about him when I saw him and I’d only see him staring at me. That was how I noticed him in the first place. There were times I did feel like he was trying to get my attention by staring and other times he looked like he was caught in the act. I never understood that- what does that even mean?And I guess I looked pretty numb snd dead when we were talking and he said it was heart breaking and tried to hug me and touch my face and whatever. It wasn’t sexual. And he asked what went wrong - was it that it was way too soon anyway or the fact that it was my first time, and whether I would still have been ok hanging out with him if we hadn’t had sex and left it at the kissing. He really did try to get answers out of me and I eventually explained I guess what made me feel off was that it was such s big deal for me and seemed like meant nothing to him. And he was like of course it doesn’t mean nothing otherwise he wouldn’t be here. Which I think is a decent point. And I’d told him it was all fine and I’d get over it which of course is true. But he kept asking what can I do to make you feel better? And asked me to text him and talk to him. I don’t know if I can do that.He also asked who I’d been with before in my life him and why I hadn’t had sex with them- and I answered honestly again, I just had trust issues and was too nervous and didn’t feel ready. And he also made me realise (and tell him) that one of the biggest things which was making me feel so confused was why I had sex so soon with him even though I’d been in 6 and 8 month relationships before hand without going all the way to sex. He also asked why I had sex st all with him and honestly I don’t know I just told him I wasn’t thinking and I liked him in the moment.He also spent probably 15 mins asking me about the guys I’ve kissed since college started. He was the fourth and I hadn’t done more than kiss the others. He started looking them up on Facebook and got me to tell him all bout them apart from one. I said he was nosy but he said I only care because it’s you.I just find that I suddenly care now so much and I don’t know what I care about. I don’t think I ever believed in love or genuine commitment and relationships. I’m very skeptical anyway and have a shitty family and had a shitty childhood in between abusive home and a suffocating catholic boarding school so honestly I assume most people don’t care so I really don’t expect much of anyone especially guys. It wasn’t even the sex itself which bothered me. I’m just so confused. I’m not even sad so to speak I didn’t cry or anything. I just feel really empty and heavy.I’d told him that I’d told my close friends anyway (only about 5 ppl). And he’d said that wasn’t what he’d meant , not that I couldn’t tell anyone at all just don’t tell everyone and start a rumour. He’d said he’d been in a similar situation with his ex 4 years ago when he was about my age, they’d only kissed then she suddenly didn’t want to talk to him and there were rumours. Not sure how much I buy that as an explanation to be honest, I still think he’s worried about being judged for taking my virginity without knowing me. Which as I said does make sense.He said he’d wondered if I was religious and that was why I wasn’t comfortable, but I explained I personally wasn’t religious but yeah he might be right maybe it was in the back of my mind that my parents would kill me.He also asked what everyone thought of him and the situation. and I tried not to tell him but he begged me to say and I just said the truth. They said he was trash, bin him, call the swat team and I should get rid of him etc etc. Sort of funny threats - I love my friends. And then he was like great so 5 people hate me, why have they come to that conclusion, and I just explained it was probably the “don’t tell anyone” because that’s shady and I think it was shady too. I felt bad but that was the truth.At least it didn’t end with an argument and we still hugged and stuff. But talking to him actually confused me more. Pls someone help*tl;dr had sex with my crush last night. We both got lost in the moment and this morning when he left I realised I really wasn’t ready. I texted him I wanted it to be over, but he wanted to talk. So we did and now I feel even worse because he made me realise it’s so complicated * via /r/dating_advice