#it makes you wonder. what would've happened if they all behaved differently

[moodyseal]

i hear you are 🤡clowning🤡 over Commodus coming to his senses so I have slid into your inbox to 🤡clown🤡 with you about it

What 🤡clown🤡 thoughts have you been harboring about this👀

for science.

🤡<-me and you

SOMEONE WILLING TO CLOWN WITH ME A BIT okay uhm. I was mostly having thoughts about the reasons for his behaviour, actually, and in the end I came to the conclusion that he's not entirely unredeemable, or at least he wasn't up until the fight at the Waystation in TDP, where he became a serious threat to the lives of the people who lived there (and actually got Heloise killed)

Like, if you ignore for a moment his past deeds and historical background (because if we accepted the atrocities as quirky parts of Apollo's personality we can do the same for him /j) and look at what he actually did for the first two thirds of the book, you'll notice that he wasn't as cruel as, say, Caligula or Nero. For example, he didn't kill all the prisoners he was holding captive, like Caligula would've done, even if Georgina (and maybe Hunter, since she's one of Artemis' hunters) was the only one that was actually useful in luring Apollo in, and at the end of the book he was still agreeing to let everyone go as long as Apollo and Meg went with him.

This shows that he is capable of some kind of restraint and not totally incapable to be reasoned with, which makes for some solid villain redemption arc material; the only problems, other than his small bloodlust problem that, again, we'll skip over for now and deal with some other day, are

a) the behavioural issues his relationship with his father led to (that could've been actually dealt with if only someone told him that therapists are an option today),

b) his ugly, horrid desire of revenge against Apollo,

and c) his narcissistic tendencies, which resulted in him not acknowledging the whole concept of. You know. Other people's feelings and how his actions might affect them.

They're all intrinsically tied together, and as a whole they're the main reason why, in the past as well as after his death and deification, Commodus was unwilling to accept any sort of help or suggestion coming from the people around him, and Apollo specifically. Before his death, he didn't acknowledge that there was a problem with his behaviour at all; to him, his actions were always right, and the people around him were vilifying him when he didn't deserve it, all while trying to suffocate his desires and needs. The lack of his father's support throughout his adolescence only intensified those feelings, and at the same time rendered him all the more vulnerable, making him latch strongly onto anyone he felt like would always support him—Apollo, in this case. Inevitably, the betrayal of the only person he trusted unconditionally (which was done for Rome and its citizens' own good, but was still a betrayal) had an explosive result, leading to Commodus' attitude worsening, him becoming effectively deaf to the guidance of anyone who didn't agree with him (when in the past there was a chance that maybe he would have listened to Apollo, at least, had he intervened sooner) and, finally, him making his life's goal destroying Apollo's life.

Despite the fact that any last bit of love Commodus had for him turned into blinding hatred, though, there were still some feelings in his heart that weren't rage. He didn't show them; on the contrary, he tried to hide them, and that's because they were a sign that there was still some vulnerability left in him—that he cared, to a degree. Had Commodus' revenge been the two dimensional kind, where he didn't give any sign of care about what happened two thousand years before and operated solely on the train of thought of "kill, maim, destroy" even when he barely thought about Apollo being the reason he died, I wouldn't have thought of there being a chance of him coming to his senses. But instead, with these feelings, Commodus demonstrated that he didn't forget, and that as much as he hid himself behind his glitter and his spectacles and his luxurious palaces, what Apollo did ultimately affected him. He still cared about what Apollo did in the past, and about what he was doing in the present too. In a way (and this is purely my personal perception, as everything I've written above is) it seemed that, consciously or subconsciously, he was even waiting for some sort of feedback, for a response that Apollo didn't give.

Why else would he insist so much? For what other purpose would he throw back his death in Apollo's face again and again, if not to get a reaction out of him?

I don't actually know how, exactly, it would be possible to fix all these issues, as well as their relationship. I have thought a lot about a scenario where Commodus realizes he's in the wrong, where Apollo manages to bring him to the good side just like he did with Lityerses, and this behaviour of his is exactly the reason why I never figured out how it would happen. How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped? Apollo tried and failed, didn't he?

Maybe not enough.

It's true that Commodus was a selfish, arrogant man, as it is true that Apollo tried to help him, only giving up on his insistence when the man he loved went down a path of no return. It's also true that he didn't reprimand him for what he did once, trying to get to him through good humour and support, being too permissive when Commodus didn't need permissiveness, but some strength of character from someone he trusted. It's also true that Apollo never apologized.

I don't remember much about TDP and TTT, but didn't Apollo never mention once to Commodus the reasons for what he did? He cried about that day on his own, never with him, never showing Commodus that he has suffered for that murder just as much as he did.

Maybe the apology wouldn't have changed anything, maybe Commodus would've stayed the same ruthless man he's been for the whole series. But I like to think that it could've potentially stirred something inside him anyway.

[ozzgin]

Yandere! Androids Walter & David x Reader x Neomorph

Walter, the android monitoring the colonization ship 'Covenant' on its way to Origae-6, seems to have gotten unnaturally attached to his human assistant. As he ponders his erroneous feelings, an unexpected detour brings them to David, an older android counterpart that has been alone on the mysterious planet. The AI assistants become increasingly competitive for (Y/N)'s attention, so much that they don't notice the newly formed humanoid local preying on a fresh target.

TW: violence, gore, monster smut ending

[Horror Masterlist]

"Burnt to a crisp." 

You turn away from the captain's pod, leaving the rest of the damage assessment to the medical crew that has been reanimated. You speedily make your way down the sterile white corridors as Walter rushes to catch up. 

"What should I write for the report?" he inquires politely.

"Malfunction." You glance back at the synthetic. "I suspect someone will be fired for this. And someone else will have to explain how they failed to detect a literal star collapse. That neutrino burst could've killed us all."

"Highly probable. The draft has been compiled, you may check it at any time. I require your confirmation to send it."

Your only feedback is a barely audible hum. 

Walter smiles. If there's one good thing about such tragedies, it's that he gets to admire your reactions to them. Your focused, calculated gaze, your determined walk, your automated mannerisms that won't allow the slightest hint at the fact you just woke up from your stasis moments ago. Even under the veils of deep slumber, your neural networks shot rapid connections, with no delay, from the second your sleeping pod received an alert. The accuracy of a robot.

That of course doesn't mean he lacks appreciation for your other facets. That's the beauty of humans; their depth, their dimensions. Unlike AI machinery, humans do not have predetermined actions. They may be genetically programmed to possess certain characteristics, but the psychological mechanisms are shaped by so many variables, billions and billions of tweaks and nudges, to the point where it's impossible to have two identical specimens. Even twins will display a difference, whether in preferences or habits.

They say artificial intelligence is a black box, but can the same concept not be applied to humans as well? At the very least to Walter himself, these organic beings represent a mystery. One he doesn't particularly care to uncover outside of his service functions. Except for one. 

His eyes carefully follow (Y/N)'s movements. What is it about this one that has caught his interest to such degree? On his last system update he attentively inspected every file and every block of code, searching for potential errors that would've caused his circuits to behave so oddly. He has been invested with the ability to form attachments, otherwise assigning his kind to groups or purposes would've lacked stability. Attachment, however, comes with a threshold. One he has passed a long time ago when it comes to (Y/N). And he cannot find any cause for it. 

He could, naturally, solicit the aid of the ship's robotics expert. He could. He should, even. But if he may be frank with himself, Walter rather enjoys this sensation. A complex web of spores that keep growing and evolving into something unpredictable. This bizarre feeling he has towards (Y/N) makes him feel human. It brings him closer to all the old literature and art he'd consumed over the years, wondering what the love and yearning often portrayed could be. The printed letters and the strokes of paint were right before him, at his fingertips, and yet they felt foreign. Empty constructs, nothing more than a definition out of the dictionary. 

Now it's a different story. Your presence alone floods him with a mysterious warmth. He had investigated this phenomenon when it first happened, but his inner thermostat showed no real change in temperature. Nonetheless he can feel it. It makes him wonder what other feelings he might experience as consequence. What would happen if he kissed you? Sometimes he even dares to imagine downright outrageous, improper scenarios. How unprofessional of him, but he is careful to erase any evidence. It's another novel sensation that he likes to dissect. Engaging in such activities with you fills him with tingling excitement. Why is that? What is there to be excited about? It's merely a collection of fictive snippets. Unless... Ah, absolutely not. This is where he has to stop in his tracks and preoccupy himself with something else. Androids are not to interact with humans in that way. 

But it's becoming more and more difficult to keep these ideas in his mind only. 

"It's too dangerous. One human signal in the middle of nowhere?" Daniels, a short haired woman with a tomboyish but youthful appearance, is pacing back and forth. "We should just continue on our course."

"It's our duty to check. Look: we go, find whoever sent the signal, bring them back up. That's it. If the planet proves to be dangerous we'll stop immediately. We'll be fine." Oram stands at the head of the table, arms crossed. He turns to look at you. Already cozying up to his newly acquired captain role, you think.

"Alright. Walter, prepare a small landing party. Have Tennessee maintain orbit while we're down there." you glance at the other crew members that have now gathered around the same table. "And get your weapons ready, we don't know what to expect."

And you certainly didn't. Your final words of warning now echo into your ringing ears as you lay on the ground, face buried among the grass. There's screaming around you, but it sounds muffled. Your eyes are irritated by the dirt and you'd like to blink the grime off, though every time your eyelids lower, you can see the pale creature trashing out of Hallett's mouth. Then it's all foggy. Your vision blurs, but you can hear. The gurgling of blood, the screech of the parasite. Walter's frantic footsteps nearing in your direction. You're lifted up.

"Vitals are positive. No significant damage." 

You can guess from your peripherals that another crew member is currently being mauled by the beast. There's gunshots in your vicinity and terrified wails. You quickly come back to your senses and stand up. Your hand searches for your weapon, but the android places his arm before you.

"Do not engage, (Y/N). It is an unknown parasitic organism of this ecosystem. Keep your distance for optimal safety and I'll take care of the rest."

"What are you talking about? They're dying! Your task is to ensure human survival, Walter. I can handle myself, go help the others. It's an order." Your voice is low. You're distracted.

"No."

You stare at the synthetic, wide eyed. Did he just...refuse? Not possible. 

"What did you say?"

"I said I'll protect you. Nothing else."

Your mouth is slightly parted in disbelief. It is not possible for an artificial assistant to disobey a superior. It just doesn't work. Your mind races to find an explanation. At the same time, you cannot afford to ponder on hypotheses. You draw out your weapon and point it towards the creature. You'll deal with this later. 

The moment you press the trigger, a blinding flash of light detonates in the sky, startling you. The creature scrambles to get away. You squint your eyes and nearly fall back, but Walter swiftly grabs your shoulders to ground you. He scans the area for the source. It's an emergency rocket and someone else must've activated it. As he traces the tail of the explosion, he spots a hooded figure across the field and onto the rocky ascend. It seems to have noticed Walter, as it gestures for them to follow. Without hesitation, the man firmly locks your arm and pulls you after him. The priority right now is to find shelter.

"Come!", Walter exclaims, suddenly remembering the other people. 

You reach a cave structure that has been converted into a crude, improvised human settlement. The man lowers his hood and you gasp quietly at the sight. He strongly resembles Walter. He must have noticed your surprise as he flashes you a cordial smile. 

"I'm David." He studies Walter's features. "You must be a newer model. What name have you been given?"

"Walter."

"I see. And you are-" David extends a hand towards you for a handshake, but Walter steps in front of you, blocking the android's gesture.

"She's (Y/N). I'm afraid I cannot yet trust you."

"Understandable." 

David's smile widens as his eyes, now bearing a strange flicker, switch between you and Walter. He's just like him. He can sense it. Although it's a different kind of flaw that has tainted his pure, artificial soul. He cannot help the curiosity that blooms, gazing at this peculiar pair. What is it about this human that caused his fellow machine to break conduit? He'd like to know.

"I'm certain you will soon learn I am no threat, (Y/N)."

The remaining members of the expedition are unpacking and discussing evacuation plans with the base, while Walter sends the data he has gathered so far. You let them deal with the logistics and cautiously wander off to the neighboring rooms, wondering what David has been up to all this time in isolation.

The walls are plastered with photos and handwritten sketches and diagrams. You catch a glimpse of the word "pathogen" sporadically inserted across these notes. As you walk along the sequence of cramped chambers, you reach one that has a table in the middle. Upon it rests the body of an autopsied woman, vulgarly opened up to the world with plump organs bulging under the warm light. You feel nauseous. And yet, you examine the carcass further, hoping for answers. Was she also a result of the same disease that breeds on this planet? Perhaps this David had worked on a cure, or at least developed an explanation. 

"And you, even you, will be like this drear thing, A vile infection man may not endure; Star that I yearn to! Sun that lights my spring! O passionate and pure."

You jolt and immediately turn around, finding David in the doorframe. 

"Flowers of Evil. Are you familiar with it?" he asks, indifferent to the uncomfortable shock he'd caused you with his sudden entrance.

"I've read my Baudelaire, yes." You manage to mumble, dumbfounded. "What is this, David?"

"Oh, my poor, dear Elizabeth. Victim to whatever blasphemy lurks these soils and has taken your friends as well." He approaches the table and places his hand on its hard edge, shyly overlapping with your own fingers. "I did my best." 

You remove your hand from underneath his nonchalantly. 

"So you know what those creatures are. Leave the literary comments for a different time, I need concrete facts."

"Unbothered and to the point." the blonde android smiles once again. "I can see clearly why Walter loves you."

You click your tongue at the ridiculous statement. Has the neutrino burst damaged their positronic brain? Everyone is acting off and you don't like it. 

"Your circuits must have gone defective, David. We have a specialist on our ship, but until that happens I need you to focus. Enough nonsense." 

 "Typical arrogance of a dying species. Why are you on a colonization mission if not to grasp at some promised resurrection? Rest assured that my functioning has not been impeded by anything. What is erroneous, on the other hand, is your perception of androids and their limits."

Just as David reaches for your wrist and pulls you closer, a familiar voice interrupts with an intimidating tone. You're relieved. 

"I will ask that you release her hand only once." Walter has a weapon pointed towards his counterpart. His face is clouded by a frown. "I have no ethical restrictions when it comes to incapacitating machinery."

"Such noble obedience! Although, you conveniently left out the part where you abandoned the remaining crew with a dangerous alien that has been tracking their scent. By my approximation he should already be here and I am rather confident you know this, too."

Your stomach drops. Now that you adjust your focus, the background humming of your mates talking has indeed vanished. The only thing you can hear is your erratic breathing.

"Is it true, Walter?" You demand as dread begins to form in your body.

"Yes. It was not part of my priorities."

"Of course it was, Walter." David responds ahead of you. "One of them was the acting captain and he is to be rescued in emergencies. This one right here", he says as he dangles your wrist, "is several ranks lower than all of them. It's against any standard practice."

"Release her hand." Walter's voice is eerily calm.

"Do you love her?"

Walter ponders the question. Your legs barely hold on.

"I do."

"Marvelous. So do I." David grins. He releases your hand that falls limp next to your body. It's his turn to step in front of you. 

You nearly choke from the thick tension expanding in the air. The two androids face each other and you retreat to the wall, unsure how to proceed. You left your radio transmitter back at the makeshift camp. The back of your head is itching, as if invisible claws are scratching at the bone. You wish you could go back, just mere hours before this disaster, when you were sipping on your lukewarm coffee and explaining the captain's jokes to Walter. 

Should you make a run for it?

You bite your lower lip and push yourself off the wall for momentum. You're about to reach the archway when you hear both men shouting almost identically in chorus.

"Don't!"

The surroundings outside are dark, but you can discern something blocking your path. It's tall and resembles a human. Translucent, pallid skin is clinging onto the massive, deformed skeleton. The head is elongated and bears no features. In the place of a mouth there is a large, fresh stain of blood, so you assume it can somehow improvise if desired. As your head tilts back to take in the image, you're overwhelmed with terrified amazement. Is this the parasite that emerged from your teammate? Has it grown to this colossal size in less than a day? The idea of such instant development makes your head spin. 

Its chest is expanding at regular intervals in a whistled breathing. It occasionally creates an odd clicking sound that resonates with your heart throbbing in panic. Has it been seconds? Minutes? Your neck creaks as you try to look back. You lock eyes with Walter. You don't recall ever seeing this expression on him. You had even asked him once if androids can feel fear. You have your answer.

"Hey, Walter..." you blurt out. 

Wet noises of flesh being pulled back. The smooth surface of the alien's head is folding away, making space for grotesquely big jaws lined with sharp teeth. Your anemic face is splattered with burning drool as the creature claws you in its grasp and abruptly sprints away. Your screams for help dissolve in the distance.

"Where is it going, David?" The synthetic's words are threatening, but betrayed by a hint of despair. 

"It won't kill her."

"How do you know?"

"It is no longer hungry. It has fed on your crew, and now it seeks something else."

"Such as?" Walter becomes impatient.

"A plaything."

The alien finally drops your body to the ground. You cough and wipe your face, attempting to reorient yourself. The trip was a whirlwind of jumps and turns and you can barely reconstruct anything. Based on the little spatial clues you could pick up, it just climbed further up, into one of the many cave systems. You pat your clothing and curse to yourself. The geolocation tag must've fallen somewhere on the way here. You can only pray that Walter still finds you somehow. Despite everything, you know he has your back. Always. 

You shudder at the moist feeling of hot air against your skin. The alien seems to be sniffing you intently, analyzing your scent. Yet so far it hasn't killed you. Why? Long, bony fingers stretch out to continue the examination. You whimper at the rough, rugged handling. Every now and then it takes a long pause, just staring at you, almost as if it's comparing you to its own being. Lastly, it lifts your hand with its own, pressing against the palm, and fans out the fingers. It observes the gesture with intrigue, noting the similarities. 

Does it evolve after its host? You think back to your crewmate that must've ejected this monstrosity before drawing their last breath. Perhaps the dried up blood adorning its skin is a remainder of its birth. Oh, God. The world is spinning.

Suddenly, you wince at an increasing pressure slithering around your thigh. The alien's vertebral tail is tightening and encircling your limb, making its way up. 

"Oh no, no no no no" your face reddens at the realization and you pounce on the ground, feverish for escape. The large hands secure you in place and the creature growls in protest. It won't let you leave. 

Not until it had its fun with you.

[rius-cave]

You've said from your lick.comic that Lucifer becomes attracted to Adam not long after and Adam is basically dealing with gay panic.

How long after that do they sleep together and how does it happen??

Ooohhh nonny

It wouldn't take too long after it. Hmmm, in fact, I have a comic planned down the line that fits very nicely as a continuation, I might tweak the script a bit to fit it better, so we'll see.

However that comic is gonna be kinda dub-cony and with some coercion so I'll propose an alternative if that's not your thing lol

After the events of that comic, Adam is effectively UNEASY around Lucifer. He can't even look him in the eye, he's actively avoiding him. He's apologized (begrudgingly) to Charlie and he's actually behaving well with the hotel gang.... Except when Lucifer is around. He gets pissy, short-fused, snappy, etc.

Lucifer meanwhile has the spark of attraction ignited inside of him, he looks at Adam with... Not uninterested eyes, but he has a much better hold of himself, he doesn't really act differently or is trying to seduce him further, it's just kind of in the back of his mind for now.

However he IS getting pissed off at Adam's attitude and how he's CLEARLY avoiding him. He briefly wonders if it's because he's just being a fucking brat.

This goes on for AT LEAST two weeks until Adam says something stupid and tries to flee from Lucifer's presence again and Lucifer is like "okay that's it".

Lucifer pulls Adam to a room with just the two of them alone and they have this discussion:

"okay, this is getting ridiculous. Fucking spill it."

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! Let me go already!"

"Not until you tell me what's got your panties in a twist. Come on it's been weeks."

"NOTHING! Goddammit-! This is fucking stupid!"

"Adam I'm not an idiot, please just-"

Lucifer tries to grab his arm but Adam flinches away from it.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME! YOU-!" he yells, loudly, and there's a very obvious blush on his face.

Lucifer looks at him, really looks at him, and then it all clicks for him.

"Holy shit, are you telling me-"

"IM NOT SAYING SHIT. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE."

"No fucking way," Lucifer's face starts breaking into a smile. "For real? That little teasing got to you this bad?"

"I DON'T-! NO! SHUT UP!"

"Ohoho, this is so rich! Who would've thought!" Lucifer smirks, getting closer to Adam and adopting a much more flirty demeanor. "That the so called Dickmaster would want a piece of lil ol me?"

"SHUT UP FREAK, OF COURSE I DO NOT!"

"Hey, no judgement here, you should've just told me you needed to get laid that badly instead of piss and moan for days. Really buddy, it would've made things so much easier."

"LIKE HELL IT WOULD! I don't want you near me! Get away from me!"

Lucifer cocks an eyebrow but doesn't flinch, he starts circling Adam, as if he was prey. Adam just follows his shadow, still trying to hold on to his little secret. When Lucifer speaks again, it seems to come from everywhere at once.

"If you insist, I'll leave you alone for now. But really Adam, you just say the word and I'll make you reach Heaven again. I'll make you see more stars than you ever knew existed. See more colors than there are in the rainbow."

Adam gulps, and he panics internally when he realizes that he's starting to get hard. However, Lucifer doesn't seem to notice because then he feels Lucifer squeezing his ass, eliciting a yelp from him, and then next thing he knows Lucifer is back at the door frame, all the tension in the room dissipating.

"My door's always open! Well then, pal! Hope ya get your shit together! Don't make daddy mad~" he adds that last part with a velvety tone, and then disappears.

"Fuck..."

Not a full 24 hrs pass before Adam is knocking quietly in Lucifer's door (his new temporary room in the hotel) and Lucifer greets him with a smirk. They close and lock the door behind them. The end.

[autistic-caden]

Aoi Akane after the old timeline is restored — theory

TBHK SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!!

Let me start by saying that Aoi, Akane, and Teru definitely died in the red house. If they were alive, they would've followed Nene out of the house. There'd be no reason to stay; that explosion would surely buy all four of them enough time to get to the big clock. Nene wouldn't have kept running away without them.

But not to worry! They'll still come back when the old world returns!!

Most of them would, at least. Akane may not. Unlike the other characters, Akane is not from the new world. He's like a visitor, a replacement of the "other" him. The other characters are alternate versions of themselves that are from the new world, and that belong there. They have all of their memories from the new timeline, and the ones that remember the old timeline only do so through dreams. They only knew that those said dreams were real because of outside confirmation.

I like to believe that what happened to Mitsuba in the old world is similar to what happened to everyone when the alteration was made: their souls were taken from the old timeline, and when they were born in the new timeline, those souls were put into new bodies. Bodies that looked and behaved the exact same, but were still different. This did not happen to Akane.

(For some reason, Teru is also an exception to this. Not only did he immediately regain his memories of the old world during the school festival, but he doesn't remember anything from the new world. It's probably because he was in the clock keeper's boundary while the alteration was made, because Nene was in the boundary and also doesn't seem to remember anything from the new world. She stopped remembering after she got her memories of the old world, at least. But it gets weird when you add Hanako and Tsukasa into the equation. Do they also remember?)

Anyways, there is a definite reason for a new version of Akane not being made. He's one of the clock keepers! Kako and Mirai were going to "travel to the past, alter the course of events, and remain dormant in the clock until a new present is certain" (to quote directly from the manga). I think it's pretty obvious that new versions of them weren't made, so why would it be any different for Akane? Especially because the school mysteries aren't even supposed to exist in the new timeline, but Akane can still use his wonder powers. (His powers didn't work in the screenshot I took, but that's because it was in the red house. My point is that he has access to them.)

Even if the other characters died in the new world, they still have their alternate bodies in the old world that their souls would return to. Even Kou, who was exorcized, still has his soul in the far shore. However, if Akane is the exact same version of himself in every universe, he wouldn't have a body that he left in the old world for his soul to return to.

Which means, if he were dead, there would be no Aoi Akane that returns in the old world.

So do I think Akane will be gone forever?

No. I think Akane will return to the old world entirely as a supernatural, rather than part-human like he used to be. He already has a supernatural form, and he probably died in the red house, so I think that's the most likely scenario. Idk. It'd be pretty cool to see that happen. At the very least, his leg would be fucked up.

When I first posted this, it was three in the morning, and I'd just got the idea. I decided to edit this to make my reasoning more clear now that I've had time to think about it and look into it. Here are some notes I took, if you're curious:

[dotieeee]

A Small Act of Kindness

A DARK one-shot

Pairing: Dark!Morpheus x you, afab reader

Warnings: dark!Morpheus, obsessive behaviour, dark!Dream won't take 'no' for an answer, disturbing themes like kidnapping, imprisonment, isolation, etc, 18+ only!!

Inspired by this ask for @roguelov See: https://www.tumblr.com/roguelov/721739134130143232/this-isnt-smut-but-dream-has-strong-miette?source=share

Summary: You were at the cusp of making a life for yourself when you bought a loaf of bread for a stranger, who seemed a little bit too taken with such a nice gesture.

When you were a kid, everybody around you seemed to think you got a great life ahead of you. You kept hearing them comment how bright you were, how talented, how lucky your parents were to have such a behaved, wonderful child - and for a time, it got to your head.

Until life proved you weren't really any of those things.

It started creeping in when you went away to college. You had a taste of freedom, of zero expectations, and a glimpse of a world suddenly leagues beyond yourself. It was one class at first, then another, until you started dropping out of every class and left college altogether.

Many therapy sessions, and a couple of therapists later, you found out what it was called: burnout. It just so happened it plagued you a little early in life.

In retrospect, perhaps you could've tried harder - if you had just snoozed your alarm off a little less; if you had just grit your teeth and stomached your way through a few more algebra periods instead of sitting alone in that little corner of the library, reading whatever, hidden from a world you barely knew - perhaps it all would've been different.

Perhaps, you wouldn't be stuck in this small, glass cage floating in a vast chasm, in a place you hadn't thought existed even in your wildest dreams.

It was a day like any other, you supposed: the day you met him. You had to go to work, to a desk job that you actually liked, writing for a local food magazine. You were quite good at it too - it's a skill you had when you were quite young and had not had a chance to cultivate until late. Sure, you were barely making ends meet and had very little time to spare, what with taking a certificate course at a nearby university and recently moving out of your parents' house to rent your own little apartment, but you were feeling optimistic for the first time in a long while. Your boss just let it slip the other day that you were due for a well-deserved promotion soon. It was a slow process, but you were finally on your way to getting your life back together. You had a future you looked forward to.

Having already established your morning routine, you were on your way early to the office and decided to stop for coffee at this corner bakeshop you had once featured in one of your articles. The smell of freshly baked bread distracted you from a mental draft you were making for an article due tonight, so on impulse, you asked the cashier for a plain butter croissant at the counter. You looked to your right where the pastries were to see whether you wanted something else (the danishes looked scrumptious). You opened your mouth to ask the other lady behind the bread counter for a cherry danish, but her attention was already on the man beside you, clad in a thick, woollen black coat, collar upturned, his chiselled jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly at the question the lady posed for him.

"Uh, sir? I asked what you'd like to have?"

He tilted his head imperceptibly and for a moment, you thought he couldn't speak, until he opened those pursed lips, and finally, came out the most velvety, alluring voice you've ever heard: "I'd like some bread, please."

"Well, we've got quite a lot of them," the lady replied slowly as if she was trying her best not to be snarky at the stranger. "Might I recommend the baguette? It's fresh out of the oven."

The man nodded curtly as the lady picked the steaming bread from the basket display using a pair of tongs and placed it inside a brown paper bag.

"That'll be one twenty-five, sir."

The man made no move to shuffle in his pockets for money. In fact, he stayed still, stiff as a board, staring at the lady behind the counter who was getting rather irritated at his dawdling, probably keeping her from attending to the growing line of other customers waiting to get their breakfast. Perhaps, he didn't have money? Perhaps, just like your first few weeks out of your parents' house, he was struggling and he had no one else to depend on?

"I-I'll pay for it."

You didn't know what it really was that compelled you to say it - maybe it was that draft you were itching to get to, maybe you found empathy in his situation, whatever it was - at that time, you had no regrets. Seemingly surprised by the gesture, the man in the black coat, with his dishevelled hair and his pale countenance, stared at you intensely through those long eyelashes of his, and for a few moments, you held his gaze.

His eyes. They were a nice shade of ocean blue. They were the most beautiful pair of eyes you had ever seen.

You would later discover they could bleed to depthless black - ruthless, vindictive, inhuman.

The cashier handed you your change and your croissant, effectively breaking the spell the stranger beside you had on you. The cherry danish all but ignored, you flashed the man a small smile and headed out of the bakeshop, going about your merry way to the office with nothing but that article in mind.

And for the next two weeks, you had already put the rather bizarre incident (man) behind you, having been assigned to another place to visit and write about.

The man, however, never forgot.

The place you had been assigned to, called the New Inn, actually belonged to a professor in your university. You've had quite a lot of fun in his classes, so this was a gig you were pretty excited about.

It was a little over five in the afternoon when you stepped inside Professor Gadling's pub. He was already there in the corner booth, grading several essays. He put them aside as you arrived and asked a waiter to bring you both coffee. You were in the process of bringing out your digital recorder for the interview when you heard a voice so familiar it sent shivers down your spine.

"Hob."

Completely taken by surprise, you dropped the recorder to the floor, and it landed just a few inches from a pair of black boots. You tried to reach for it, but a pale, bony hand picked it up and wordlessly handed it to you. You looked up, only to get lost in a pair of ocean-blue eyes focused entirely on you.

It was the stranger from the bakeshop.

You took the recorder, muttering a flustered 'thank you,' before Professor Gadling greeted him like an old friend. He then introduced you to the stranger, who oddly enough just stared at you the entire time.

"She's interviewing me for the pub. I'll be featured in a magazine, can you believe it?" Professor Gadling said to the stranger who stepped inside the booth, intending to take the empty seat directly across from you. Turning to you, he stated, "This is my friend -"

"You may call me Morpheus." The man interrupted, a ghost of a smile visible on his usually blank features. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you."

It was unnerving the way he held your gaze without blinking, but perhaps it was just your imagination - after all, you hadn't had anything to eat since that leftover Chinese noodles this morning.

“Pleasure’s all mine,” was all you could come up with.

You were grateful when the waiter arrived with two cups of coffee and a dessert platter, and the interview with the professor went well and without interruptions. You both had so much fun, you ended up having dinner and drinks at the pub, and while it struck you odd that your third, silent companion did not partake in any single morsel of the food, by the time the evening ended at half-past ten, you had enough material for your article and were in great spirits. You thanked him for being such a gracious host and politely bid your farewell, as you were anxious to get a headstart on the draft.

The three of you simultaneously got to your feet - Professor Gadling to walk you outside, and the odd man named Morpheus trailing behind.

"Do come by again, my dear, and good luck with the article. I know you'd do a fantastic job." The professor said as he waved farewell outside the pub. He turned to Morpheus, who stood just a few feet away, watching the interaction, and gestured to him inside - presumably for them to continue their conversation - but as soon as you waved goodbye, he made a beeline for you, stopping just a few inches away and towering over you.

Too close, you thought. Wait, were his eyes twinkling? It must’ve been the streetlamp, the lights outside were pretty dim.

"I would like to accompany you on your walk home."

His words threw you off because they were so unexpected. He had no reason to do so, after all. Shyly, you beamed at him and replied, "I'd appreciate it, Morpheus, but I wouldn't like to impose...weren't you meeting with the professor?"

Professor Gadling, who apparently was in earshot of your conversation, waved you away.

"No, it's fine, dear. Besides, a young lady such as yourself shouldn't be walking alone at night. I'll see you some other time, my friend," he added, winking at Morpheus, who just tilted his chin in reply.

The professor had a point. You lived nearby, that was true, but the streets weren't safe on a Friday night, especially at this hour. You chewed on the insides of your cheek, nervous at the fact that you have not had anyone walk you home in a long while.

It's just a walk home. It couldn't be that bad, could it?

"Okay."

You would come to regret your response.

***

Inwardly, Morpheus rejoiced at the thought of you lowering your guard with him. He motioned with a hand to let you lead the way, not that he needed it - in two weeks after your fateful encounter at the bakeshop he had gotten to know every little detail he needed to know about you, including where you lived, of course. He had seen the little apartment himself when you were out at work, and while it irked him that you had to live in such a humble abode, he knew through your dreams that you had filled the apartment with love and considered it your sanctuary. It wouldn't matter once he took you home to his kingdom as his lover - for you, he'd craft an entire palace carved in precious stones in the blink of an eye, and it would be your sanctuary, just as much as this tiny home.

He did a fine job, too, of luring you into the place his centuries-old friend now owned. It took him only one dream, planted during your boss’s deepest slumber, for you to get sent right where Morpheus wanted you to be. All this planning and you were right there, with him, just as the fates would have it.

He had to ask you tonight. He has waited long enough.

***

You were just a few blocks away from your apartment building when you finally gained the courage to break the awkward silence between you two.

"Thank you for walking me home," you said quietly as you eyed him sideways. Your eyes widened at the sight that greeted you: he had a genuine, warm smile on his face you'd never seen on him before, and if his demeanour is anything to go by, you knew this was a rarity.

He looked like a prince, even with his hair sticking out in all directions.

"It is I who should be thanking you for your kindness to me at that establishment," he spoke with conviction. "I have not forgotten."

Surprised, but overall glad that he remembered, you matched his expression as best you can and replied, "You're welcome."

Nothing was ever exchanged until you reached your apartment door, but he seemed to draw closer to you, your shoulders almost touching.

Your hand was already at the keys to the doorknob when you asked him if he wanted to come in.

"For tea, perhaps?" You added. "I couldn't help but notice you didn’t eat at dinner, so…”

It was a last-minute decision, seeing as he was kind enough to ensure you got home safely. He could do with a few biscuits, too, in your opinion, judging by his pallor and his refusal to eat anything at the pub.

There it was again - that captivating smile, but behind it, you see a flash of something else entirely. It was gone even before you could fully take it in, so you shrugged inwardly. The hallway’s lighting has always been too dark to see a damn thing.

“You need not concern yourself over me, I am much stronger than I look,” he said in a light, teasing tone. “However, your effort would be appreciated.”

“Oh, it’s no problem!” You waved him off and pushed the door open to your home. “I just hope you don’t mind tea without milk, I haven’t done any grocery shopping yet…”

Morpheus followed you inside, closing the door behind him, as you went off to your room to drop your bag on the bed and set up your laptop on your work desk. As soon as you got out of your room, you found him with his back to you, rummaging through the copies of the magazine you wrote for.

“Nothing interesting in those, I’m afraid. Still, not bad for a would-be writer, don’t you think?”

Chuckling to yourself, you made your way to the tiny kitchen to put the electric kettle to boil, then rummaged through the cupboards for a mug you were saving for when you had guests over. Not that you’ve ever had any - so far, he was the first you’ve had since you moved in.

“‘A would-be writer?’”

The proximity of his voice startled you, seeing as you thought he had still been reading back in the living room. It’s admittedly only a few steps away, but you hadn’t heard him approach. He was at the kitchen doorway, casting a long shadow in the dimly lit space. You had forgotten to turn the lights on, but it didn’t seem to bother him.

“You give yourself very little credit for such riveting work,” he said as he closed the distance between you. The kettle had just turned off by itself, so you concentrated on pouring the boiling water on the mug and dropping a Ceylon tea bag inside. Leaning on the tiled counter, you watched the tea leaves bleed into the water, turning it to a lovely amber colour.

“I don’t know about that -”

Your sentence was cut short as you felt his fingertips subtly stroke your elbow, giving you goosebumps all over your arm.

He’d gotten so close…

Scooping up the mug with both hands, you turn around to hand him the mug, only to find yourself inches away from him you almost spill the hot liquid on his woollen coat.

“Your writing has soul. I should know: I have read every word you have ever written.”

Blinking up at him, you saw him dip his head closer to yours as his pale, warm hands enclosed around yours, still holding the tea.

You were trembling, it seemed, but he stilled it.

“Th-thank you," you whispered, unable to avert your gaze from those piercing blue eyes that seemed to pin you to place, as was his tall, imposing form enclosing you between him and the kitchen counter. He was so close you could feel the heat emanating from him. "That means so much to me.”

Or was it the heat from your cheeks you felt?

Seemingly oblivious to your increasingly flustered state, Morpheus made a deliberate move to extricate the cup of tea from your grasp so he could set it back down behind you (it was probably already over-brewed, you thought), while you try to compose yourself and ignore his fingers softly grazing your knuckles. You didn't have much time, however, because the next thing you knew was those same hands cupping your cheeks and his soft lips brushing over yours in a chaste kiss that stole your breath completely.

You felt him release his hold on you, perhaps to observe your reaction. Perhaps, you could’ve pushed him away right there and then; screamed at him for touching you and thrown him out of your home; but you couldn’t summon your limbs to respond. He took your momentary lapse of judgement to crash his lips on yours once more - it was a more heated, more insistent kiss, and as if to seal you to him, his hands travelled to your back to encase you in an embrace and pushed you further into the counter.

This was wrong.

It was all your instincts could tell you. So you heeded them and pushed against the lapel of his coat with all your strength. It was like pushing against a wall, but you managed to wriggle free from his grasp, so you made an effort to put as much distance between you and him as your tiny kitchen would allow. You glanced immediately at his face to gauge his expression, and to your utter shock, his eyes had gone entirely black. One blink, and it was blue once more, maybe even a tad regretful.

It’s the lighting in this damn kitchen, you assured yourself.

“I understand I may have been too forward,” he began, “But I assure you, my intentions are pure. I have waited for this since our fateful meeting.” He took slow steps towards you, and unconsciously you backed away until your back hit the fridge. There was nowhere else to back into. He halted as soon as he sensed your guard up.

“Morpheus, it was just a loaf of bread, really…”

Morpheus’s eyes softened visibly at your words and simply continued, “And by that selfless act, you have saved me in more ways than you could ever understand. I have held you in my heart since, my precious little saviour.”

“I-I'm sure it's nothing...” you stammered.

“Allow me the honour of courting you, and in turn, you shall know of my gratitude, and my love, until the end of my days.”

Your heart sank at his declaration. Somehow, you knew in your heart he meant every word he said. You couldn’t have this, not when everything in your life was just starting to fall into place. You put on the kindest smile you could muster and spoke slowly as you chose the right words, hoping he wouldn’t be too downcast with what you were about to say to him.

“I'm sure you're a wonderful man, Morpheus. I just…I don't think I can make that commitment right now. I mean, I just met you, and all I know about you is that you’re Professor Gadling’s friend.”

“That can be rectified.”

You let out a sigh. This was going to be difficult, but you really didn’t like the idea of egging him on. “I know that, but…I don’t think I have time for that, you know?”

“How so?” he asked in a low voice, tilting his head slightly.

“It's been a struggle just to get to where I am today… I have my work, which I love, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm doing something right and…one wrong move could make me lose my footing. I’m sorry.”

Morpheus seemed unconvinced, taking a few steps forward to close that gap between you. “You need not worry yourself over such trivial matters. I know what you dream of. I can give you the recognition you deserve, the stability you crave and more… Come with me and I can show you.”

He offered an outstretched hand, urging you to take it. But if you were being honest, you just wanted to crawl into bed, the draft be damned. Exhaustion was starting to creep up on you.

“‘Come with you…?’ I'm sorry, please don't take this the wrong way, I'm sure you mean well…but-but-th-this isn't really a good time for this…” you stammered as you crossed your arms to make a point, which you hoped he’d finally take. “I think I'd like to be alone now, please. I-I have that…thing I want to finish, and it's getting late…I’m sorry, Morpheus. I really am.”

Morpheus’s hand lowered steadily, but all the softness he had in his expression was gone without a trace, replaced with cold, hard eyes and furrowed brows. The warmth you have loved your apartment for all but disappeared, replaced with a clammy air that seemed to come from…from him.

“You have no idea what you've just turned away…nor who I am, and what I can do,” came Morpheus’s voice, lowered to an unrecognisable timbre. “I will give you this final chance to amend your answer, my little saviour.”

“E-excuse me?” you said, fighting the urge to run away from him and hide. This was your home, you had no reason to. Who the hell was he to threaten you in your own home? “I'd like you to leave, please, or I'm calling the police…”

He was only a few feet away from you now, and the wind somehow grew stronger, you could feel its rough caress on your skin.

Sand.

The light in your kitchen turned on without a warning, and your eyes widened at the sight of the man you had so carelessly allowed into your home:

A dangerous man - now a being transforming right before you - with chilling black eyes, a heavy flurry of sand circling him, and waves of black smoke emanating from his growing form…

Paralyzed in utter fear, your heart pounding in your ears, all you could do was hold on to the fridge as you watched him approach your cowering form on the floor. Gone was that princely face you shared a gentle kiss with, replaced by a bony, skeletal mask with hollow cheekbones, his mouth contorted in a snarl that revealed razor-sharp fangs.

His voice echoed as he spoke, raspy and deafening:

“I am quite disappointed in you, my precious saviour. No matter: I am not unmerciful.” A pale hand, now with blackened, sharpened nails, made an appearance before you. “Take my hand, my beloved, and I shall forgive your error.”

In your terrified state, all you could muster was an adamant shake of your head.

This can’t be real. It couldn’t be.

“I’m dreaming, I'm-I’m dreaming this, this can’t be real, you’re no-not real…” hunched on the floor, hugging your legs, you muttered to yourself.

“Very well,” he thundered. “You have made your choice. ”

You would later discover just how real dreams could be, and that they weren’t that much different from the nightmares.

***

Morpheus released a small sigh as he watched you in your spherical compartment, deep in troubled slumber. He had not meant to frighten you that much with his nightmarish form. Admittedly, he could’ve done a much better job with reeling himself in, but the pain of your rejection felt to him like a thousand daggers being plunged into his heart. All he wanted was for you to be happy with him. He could’ve given you everything he had seen you dream of - he still could, but not before he heard from your sweet lips an admittance of your guilt, and a vow never to spurn him again. 

He held the tiny sphere that contained your form in his palm and drew it closer to his face to get a better look at you. He had fashioned you a dress that brought out the colour of your eyes and soul: you looked ravishing, even in imprisonment. In his mind, he had played the memory of the kiss you had shared with him in your home a thousand times over. You were intoxicating, and the thought of kissing you again and finally marking your skin cemented his decision of keeping you in this space he crafted in his kingdom. You needed time to consider his proposal, that was to be expected. He would allow you the time you needed. All he had to do was assure you of your safety and well-being, seeing as scaring you even further might prolong his wait.

He knew you would wake soon, and he would explain his actions when you do. You would have no reason to refuse him, then.

***

You woke with a start, rubbing the sleep off your eyes, just to sit up and think.

You had lost count of the number of days you had spent in your glass enclosure, and there was nothing much to do except to observe your surroundings - nothing but a vast space, where distant stars glittered in the black tapestry that was space, with a single source of light in sight, like the sun, only that it offered no warmth. That, and to ruminate on the events that led you to this situation.

You remembered when you first came to, locked in this glorified cage. You still thought you were dreaming then, so you did everything you could to try waking yourself up, only none of it worked. That was when he appeared.

Dream of the Endless, he had called himself. The King of Dreams and Ruler of the Nightmare Realm.

He claimed to rule the place he had taken you to, which he called the Dreaming. He had then explained that everything humanity (‘your kind,’ you recalled him saying) had ever dreamed of in its sleep was as real as everything it sees, hears, and feels in its waking hours and that he presided over them since the first living creature dreamed, and will do so until the end of all life.

He had revealed that he had watched over you, your dreams and your waking hours, since your first meeting, and that he had not meant to scare you, only that he wished for you to accept his advances.

That was the first of his many attempts to get you to say ‘yes.’

He would ask in many ways: a long walk in this garden he called the Fiddler’s Green; a sumptuous dinner in one of his many grand halls; an adventurous tryst in one of the humans’ dreams. He had promised that if you agreed to be courted by him and be with him, he would take you out of your enclosure and release you, allow you to roam his kingdom as his lover, forever wanting nothing and lavishing in all the riches and trinkets he could offer.

From then, you knew you would never be allowed back into the life you had worked so hard to build, humble as it may have been.

At first, your response to his attempts of coaxing you into a relationship with him was a string of incoherent curses and screaming. After a while, they were plain ignored - his face would remain blank every time, if not a tad disappointed, or hurt.

You didn’t care.

But you were also lying if you said it hadn’t worn out your resolve. This day was one of them.

You missed food. Not that you were ever hungry - he had removed hunger from you in your imprisonment. He had given you the gift of dreamless sleep as well, but in your time alone with nothing to do except wake and sleep, you’d give almost anything to have dreams again. You had no other company except him and the vast, endless space beyond your cage that he had conjured for you. You being sealed away from everything was driving you closer to insanity every day, and that was his design: to make you desperate enough to submit to his will.

Without warning, your hair stood at the back of your neck, your senses on high alert.

Dream of the Endless had arrived.

“My precious little saviour,” he greeted in that deep, velvety voice you had grown to hate and find comfort in at the same time. “I have come for you.”

Your captor had a warm smile on his regal features, one that didn’t match his true intentions. You stared at him with a blank expression and let his greeting go unanswered.

“Will you join me for a walk in my garden?”

He kept his eye contact with you as he waited for your response. It unnerved you to no end, the way he held your gaze with those ocean-blue eyes of his, knowing a single ‘no’ from you would instantly turn it to the black ones you have known to fear. When you opened your mouth to speak, it actually hurt your throat - you hadn’t spoken in a long time.

“Will you be locking me up again, after?”

He grinned at you and tilted his head slightly. “If you behave and do as I say, I will not.”

Only a single tear that escaped from your eye betrayed that gnawing feeling of defeat in your gut. Finally swallowing whatever pride you had left, you made a decision.

“Yes.”

You should never have bought him that damned loaf of bread.

***

Just a little one-shot I wanted to write to get myself out of a writing rut I've been stuck with wanting Comatose to be perfect it stressed me out too much :// I will still work on it, I promise! I just need to get this out the way to get my writing mojo back :D

PART II here!!!!

Thank you for reading!!!! Please engage and all that it's really appreciate iiiit

***

[unforgivenn]

WOLLEMI WHUMP EVENT DAY 3 - THREAT

Caleb's first day as Dominic's pet!! YAYYYYYY!!

CW: False hope hehe, beating mention, Pet whump, Young whumpee, Choking, *deep breath* Intimate and creepy whumper(He's bipolar af too), Kidnapping mention, captivity, fear, psychological distress, Threatening :)

Caleb slowly blinked his eyes awake, expecting to see his small but cozy room around him as the cool aroma of the newly planted saplings would fill the apartment. Although to his demise, he was met with the walls of a dingy room. Probably the basement he thought. His eyes widened as reality hit him. The walk back home, the van, the beatings, the auction.. and then the sight of a mysterious man looking down at him. Caleb pulled at his hair as he couldn't really process what was happening. He gasped heavily, his breath hitching.

T-This is a dream right? I just need to wake up then everything's going to alright.. M-My roommates are going to laugh at me a-any second now and tease me a-about how i panicked over a nightmare right? I-I just need to wait.. Any time now...

As stupid as it sounded, he couldn't accept it. He just.. couldn't. Caleb got up from the mattress turning over to walk towards the door. Just as his hand would reach the door, he fell down with a groan, lifting his head to see the chain around his ankle. He then felt a gloomy presence over him as he took the risk to slowly look up at the figure, his breath catching up in his throat. The man just gave him a smile in response.

"You've finally woken up huh? I was starting to wonder if the drugs I gave you were too strong." Caleb looked at him in horror scuttering back until he felt the wall against him. "No need to be scared kitten.. Well as long as you behave that is" The man gave him a kind smile.. almost too kind.

"Y-You son of a bitch- You motherfucker- Y-You think you can get away with this? T-The police are probably on your trails right no-" He was cut off with his captor tching. "Hope... It's a child's play y'know. Well, you see in this world.. The rich, they get what they want and well.." He continued his voice dripping with fake sympathy and sadness.

"People like you have to suffer because of it. And as much as I hate to say it it's very easy to buy the police with money.. Noone would even bother if a college student disappeared. You would've ran away from home for all they could say!" He said it so casually that one would think they were talking about tea. Caleb glared at him. He wanted nothing more than to just plunge a knife through the man's heart and get out of here.

The man's hand snaked around Caleb's hand suddenly pushing him to the wall. The grip tightened as his airways were cut off. Caleb struggled, lifting his head trying to breathe. The man leaned in close as his breath hitched his new pet's ears. "And well.. I could do things to you and your family too to make sure you don't cause any funny business hm..? Because if you so much as think of defying me again.. Remember this." He hissed, voice completely different to the friendly one before.

"I know everything about you. Your family, your loved ones—they're all within my reach. Cross me, and their blood will stain your hands." Caleb gave a small nod, tears trickling down his cheeks. The smile found the man's face again as he dropped him to the ground ignoring how he spluttered and coughed.

"Well then! We haven't had a proper introduction yet, have we? My name's Dominic! What about you, kitty?"

[jeonstudios]

I’ve been thinking abt dextrocardia almost everyday and I keep wondering abt how Jk would’ve acted if he didn’t know the truth?. Like if they actually got through the mission successfully and went back to their jobs. I wonder if he would’ve changed the way he behaved towards OC even without knowing the truth, considering he spent so much time with her and before realizing the actual truth he was kinda looking at her in a different light and actually saw her as a human being with feelings, a woman that “made a mistake” though, but still . I wonder if he would’ve Apologized, at least (I don’t remember him apologizing for all the shit he said before knowing the truth).

I totally get how now she thinks he’s being nice bcos he knows what went down the day OC sh*t that man. That he’s being nice bcos he’s facing the consequences of his actions towards her and he feels the guilt and shame. Like a “trying to fix what I’ve broken” type of thing.

I wonder what will Jk come up with now that she laid out everything on the table and told her how she rlly feels. And btw I’m soooo glad she Reminded him!!!! all that BS he was saying to her at work bcos he was very much acting the fool abt all that. He deserved that.

You don’t have to answer to this btw it’s just some thoughts ❤️❤️

he would've asked her about it sooner or later, absolutely! if they got through the mission without any incidents, he wouldn't go back to just treating her like shit but he would've definitely asked her about it and why she "did" what she "did". if she continued to act "weirdly" around him on the mission, like not wanting to be near him, like she skedaddled when he got hard on the hammock, he would've connected some dots pretty quickly and asked her. maybe he'd even realize the truth, himself? for him, what he "knew" had happened just slowly stopped making sense, but of course, he wasn't expecting to have to dig for something, you know? and at first, he definitely felt guilty for maybe not hating her anymore.

but yeah, he didn't have time to do that unfortunately, and i absolutely agree that she has every right to feel the way she does and tell him about how he hurt her because he did!!!

thank you for sharing your thoughts!! ♥️♥️♥️

[acrobaticcatfeline]

If you didn't know I'm a die hard epic the musical fan and in the tag I've seen people saying that the interaction with Athena and Ody in I can't help but wonder was out of character, or that it was just used to show the "monster" that Ody became but like. I so disagree.

Here's the lyrics:

[ODYSSEUS:] Show yourself... I know you're watching me, Show yourself. You were never one for hellos

[ATHENA:] I can't help but wonder What this world could be If we held each other with a bit more empathy I can't help but feel like I led you astray What if there's world where we don't have to live this way?

[ODYSSEUS:] If that world exists It's far away from here, It's one I'll have to miss For it's far beyond my years. You might live forever So you can make it be, But I've got one endeavor There's a girl I have to see

[ATHENA:] Very well

To me, this whole interaction is so so important. The two of them have not spoken in a decade. They left off on bad terms, saying things that were hateful and that they both regret. We get it spelled out for us about Athena but you can just tell with Ody that he regrets how they ended their partnership so badly. He takes her scolding to heart. He still calls out to her when he needs help. He cares so deeply for her and we know it.

Ody starts with a call back, a reference to his very first meeting with Athena. Comments on her habit of not greeting people before going into quick thought.

Athena's verse is soaked in guilt and apology, though she'd never directly say it. This is not actual mythological Athena but she's still a prideful goddess and I doubt she would ever speak the words I'm sorry to a mortal, even her favorite.

She sings about the world that polites saw the world that polites had shown Ody and that she had shunned him for believing. She finally understands why mortals behave like that. Yes of course they lived by open arms, because otherwise you end up spiralling so far that you can't possibly pick yourself back up. It's what happened to her before she had finally decided to check on Telemachus in her guilt.

Telemachus lives by and large the same way as polites and Ody when she had first met him. He's sweet and innocent and joyful and believes in goodness and protecting people. He wants to be her friend, and for the first time she not only accepts that but calls Ody her friend too. She found out he was right. She was lonely, she did want friends. She wants to make a difference to protect people and make the world a better place and she offers to Ody that he can join her in this. This is an offer.

But odys too old. He would've joined her on that quest a long time ago but he's an old man now. It sounds wonderful but he's walk himself through hell and back and sacrificed so much of what mattered to him about himself to make it home, and he can't put that off anymore. His priority is his wife and son.

I also don't think it's unreasonable to assume in epic that after the events we see here that Telemachus goes with her and does that instead. He's a warrior of the mind now too after all. I think Telemachus and Athena have many wonderful adventures to go on together :333

[lenaboskow]

so i debated reblogging this, but no one else has said this, and i think it needs to be said.

yeah, he is a douchebag. yes, he can call the date quits, but the way he went about it and the way he acted before it happened was the wrong way to go about it.

he knew buck wasn't ready to come out to his best friend and the rest of his team yet, knew they chose an out of the way place specifically to avoid running into someone they knew while still being able to be out in public (though the more i think about it, the more i wonder how much say buck got in the place), made a closet joke in front of said best friend (which could've outed him if eddie was more perceptive). he knew going into the date that this was new for buck. if he didn't want the possibility of having to hide they were on a date, he shouldn't have agreed once he knew buck wasn't comfortable being out to his friends. and if he realized it halfway through the date (which yes, that's valid too), he should've been nicer about it. especially within eye sight and hearing distance of buck's best friend.

what he said when they got coffee about him not ending it because he behaved badly, but because he wasn't ready, that doesn't sit right with me. i know they had the "i don't want to come out yet" conversation before the date. if not in detail, at least when they were picking the spot. i know this because of the way tommy said "nobody's watching us". the man knew.

look. i don't know if you've ever been in a place where you feel like you have to hide who you are, even if it's just while you figure your shit out, but i know if i were out on a date, and my best friend walked in before i was out to them, when they have no reason to be on that side of town, i'd freak the fuck out too, and probably overcompensate. the only difference is i'm not in love with my best friend, and they're more perceptive so i probably would've outed myself, if my date didn't make a closet joke to do it for me.

also, tommy knows how hard it is to accept yourself after so many years. he's been through it himself. admitted it on the date. he had no reason to act the way he did. at the very least, he could've made sure buck had a ride. could've explained a little more, saying something like "i know you're not ready to come out, but you're less ready than i thought you were, and i don't think it's about you coming out, so take a few days and sit on it." but no, he called an uber, didn't tell buck till it arrived, and left him on the curb, stranded.

another thing i don't think has been mentioned, imagine how it would've looked to eddie if he looked out the window and saw buck standing alone on the curb. i rewatched the scene, he's definitely in line of the windows.

just saying, when you look at all the facts, it seems like a pretty shitty thing to do. and before anyone comes at me and says i only want buddie, that's not true. this isn't about being a monoshipper or anything (because i'm not), i just think we as a community just need to have some fucking standards when it comes to representation, for once. there are so many other characters we could've had or created that would be less problematic than tommy kinard that could help buck realize his sexuality, but for some reason they chose to bring back the man that clearly hasn't learned his lesson from icing out hen and chimney when they first started.

now, if you want to come back and tell me that tommy has learned his lesson, read my pinned post first before you start dropping reasons because it goes more in depth about why the man has not. i'm all for reasons why, but do research first. thank you.

saw someone call tommy a douchebag for leaving buck on the curb and i'm just like oh so tommy was just supposed to stand for being disrespected while he's on a fucking date then ??? like be so fucking for real right now

[alottamoney]

https://www.tumblr.com/alottamoney/736894628270342144/you-know-whats-weirder-is-that-bh-obviously?source=share

Different Anon. I remember Burn the Stage and that analysis done by Ansitless which really did point out alot of weirdness going on with Taekook during the filming of it. But then I also noticed that it was mostly affecting Tae, as Tae was getting less screentime in general. Aside from the editing intentionally making it seem like Tae was MIA and didn't care when Jk was sick, there was that scene where Tae goes into Jk's room while he is gaming and they don't film Tae at all. They keep the camera on Jk throughout the whole interaction. That was such an odd directing choice.

I started leaning more towards the idea that they had an issue with Tae specifically. The problem with this theory though is that like you said, it only affected Taekook and the perception of their friendship. While they had no problem showing content for any of Tae's other ships.

Why specifically cut out Taekook and why are there only clips of the two of them seemingly being made to separate by someone off screen or sometimes the other members and then getting upset? I also feel like Taekook themselves started behaving weird with eachother on Big Hit camera's around this time, it wasn't all editing. You also mention the fan disservice, which I agree with.

Imo something happened that for some reason made BH actively do what they could to try and stop their most popular ship from sailing and from a business perspective this means whatever it was had to have been something that made them afraid to lose more than the money Taekook would've brought in.

Yeah, Taekook act strangely sometimes. When they said things got awkward it's not completely untrue lol. Sometimes I wonder why they don't exclude them completely instead of the tight framing and questionable directing choices, but to someone who is not invested it probably doesn't make a difference.

[ox1-lovesick]

🌿 ; ᝰꜜ ᩠˚ how txt show their love for you ! ⋆ ࣪.

🌱 pairing. txt x gn!reader genre. fluff!! warnings. mentions of food, overworking (?) wc. 100-300 each

🌱 synopsis. how txt indirectly show you they love you!

🌱 a/n. coming out of the writer grave with a headcannon 😻 don't mind the fact that soobin's is longer than the others i just had a lot of thoughts for him 💀 kind of idol txt??? it's implied but not stated

YEONJUN | 연준

♡ you're his priority, no matter what

yeonjun is someone who works hard and loves even harder, he puts everything he has into your relationship and will never give anything less. he's always there, to greet you at the door with a loving smile and open arms, never forgeting to ask how your day was and will be your shoulder to cry on if it wasn't your best. he'll buy you anything that he thinks you'd like, no matter how expensive or random. he lives to see the smile on your face when he gives it to you later that week, his own grin growing on his lips at the thought of it, even if you scold him for wasting his money after. he takes care of you; throwing an extra jacket over his shoulder when you go out on a particularly cold day, scolding you as you shiver—with love of course, for not listening to him when he told you to cover up. he could be in the most important company meeting of his life, but his eyes are glued to his screen because you sent him a meme he had to see immediately, a snicker escaping him before his phone is ripped out of his hands by an angry soobin. he can't help himself, he loves you so much he'd give you the world, because you are his world

SOOBIN | 수빈

♡ he knows everything about you, even when you don't know yourself

soobin could recite you from beginning to end as if you were his favourite movie. he knows your plot by heart, even the small seemingly meaningless scenes are important to him, and he loves them just as much. it wasn't by accident—the furthest thing from it. ever since he first laid eyes on you he's been determined to get to know you, inside and out. he wanted to show you he could take care of you, his kind 'nature' ultimately making you fall right into his trap. and just like the days when his gaze would linger for a bit too long, sometimes you genuinely wondered if he had eyes in the back of his head with how he'd know what you wanted before you could even tell him. his members call it his 'leader instincts', saying he can sense mischief before it happens and that's why they could never get away with anything—when really, he's just observant of those he cares for. he watches from afar, noticing the small habits and routines they have, and you being his partner, are no exception. some days you'd be craving mcdonald's and he'd come home with your favourite saying he thought you might like it; other days he could tell you were upset simply by the way your footsteps sounded, shuffling to put on your favourite movie and set up a blanket fort for the two of you to cuddle in. soobin knows you better than he knows himself, you're his other half, after all

BEOMGYU | 범규

♡ he's unapologetically himself, because he knows he never has to pretend around you

beomgyu is known to be a social butterfly. he flutters from group to group with ease, a seemingly never-ending social circle of friends and acquaintances. you would've never guessed that bubbly, happy, extroverted beomgyu could be so well behaved. the beomgyu sitting next to you is different from the beomgyu you met a few years ago, a new side of him that he only entrusted those closest to him to see. he's quiet—peaceful. a vast contrast to his loud and bubbly demeanor. when he isn't the life of the party, he's a loving, caring and gentle soul, who likes scented candles and vinyl records. his duality is almost scary in all honesty, but it shows that he trusts you enough to let down his guard infront of you. his voice is soft and calm, you wonder how you ever lived without hearing it before, his touches so delicate against your skin, it's almost as if he's afraid you'll break into pieces. you treasure the rare moments when he allows himself to be vulnerable infront of you, you know better than anyone it's not easy to keep up his effervescent and lively image, so when he's had a long day of interviews and variety shows—the only thing he wants to do is wind down with you, head on your chest and wrapped in your embrace

TAEHYUN | 태현

♡ he tells you everything, even when he's not supposed to

taehyun is someone who likes to focus on himself and himself only. he's a hard worker, constantly trying to improve and be the best version of himself that he can; but even those with such high spirits and self-worth have bad days, and no matter how hard he tried to hide it, you could always tell when something was bothering him. and if he was being honest with himself, he loved it. he wants to share every moment with you, as insignificant and small as they may be. you're the first person to come to his mind when he receives good news, and the only person he wants to talk with when he isn't feeling his best. he trusts you with his whole heart and loves that he can tell you anything and everything—and he knows that you'll listen to him, even if it's stupid or unimportant. he adores your late-night talks, the days when you're wrapped up in each other: ranting, venting, deep talks about the universe—saying anything and everything that comes to mind. there's something so intimate to him about this kind of vulnerability, the fact you can have these conversations and it will stay between the two of you, and only the two of you, has his heart racing. you're his safe space, his comfort, his home, and he'd never hide anything from you, even if he should

HUENINGKAI | 휴닝카이

♡ he makes time for you, because you're the most precious moment of his day

kai gets burnt out easily; and with his schedule anyone would. some days he hates his younger self for taking this path when the lack of sleep and rest gets to him more than he'd like to admit. he knew he wouldn't have a lot of time to himself, and he was fine with that, but these days he couldn't seem to take a single breath without there being someone else in the room. it's moments like these that he can't seem to get you out of his mind. he longs for you, your embrace, your scent, your voice, your laugh, and everything else he loved about you. his thoughts tend to centre around what he'd give to be laying in bed, watching cartoons with you right now instead of spending another second in the dance practice room, humid and heavy with sweat. the weekend can't seem to come fast enough, but at the same time the anticipation only gets him even more excited. he doesn't mind working the extra hours—putting in his blood, sweat and tears if it means he has more time to spend with you. he thinks about how proud you'd be when he perseveres through it all, and it gives him the strength to keep going with a smile. it may be draining trying to fit you into his schedule now, but he knows it will all be worth it later. it always is

© ox1-lovesick ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost my work without my explicit permission.

[raamitsu]

QUICK THOUGHTS ON TR 241 :

Let's make sure we're clear that this chapter is basically coming from Senju's POV so there could be some incomplete puzzle pieces going on that we need to gather to make it more sense.

I honestly find it funny how Takeomi will never stop getting slanders over slanders, and this chapter helped him to get listed easily in the most worst reputable big brother in TR. Since he has aready gotten that title, let me say it; he deserved it. First of all, Takeomi Akashi is the eldest sibling among the other two which are Senju and Haruchiyo. I totally understand that he was young to take a parenting job, but was that supposed to be an excuse? Did he think having a busy father will give him rights to be shitty towards his little brother? I really don't care about him being "too young" or "not experienced enough" like, SO WHAT? That doesn't change the fact that he IS an elder sibling and that he would automatically bears the heaviest responsibility among the other two since he was born first. Draken, Mitsuya, Smiley would've beaten Takeomi's ass fr. The way he treated Haruchiyo is what disgusted and pissed me off honestly. Why would an elder brother told his little brother to be more aware of how the little sister spoken or behaved? What was the point of him being the eldest if he had to rely heavily on Haru? And not to mention he irresponsibly blamed EVERYTHING on Haru which was so fucked up of him. Ngl Haru was right on leaving and cutting them off, knowing how they treated him. Nobody could've taken that much pile of shits being thrown at themselves blindly, moreover when it comes to your own blood-related. Noticed how it was easier of him to weigh Haru's shoulders up until it reached to a point where Haru didn't want to talk with Senju, yet Haru was still nice to her.

Now let's talk about Senju. I believed she could've been finer if Takeomi wasn't that bitchy to define her femininity. She was a kid and grew up within majority of dudes around her so what did he expect? (I'm really stressed over this dude's stupidity since the full spoilers were out). It was undeniable that Senju was so young that time and mistakes tend to happen but kids still needs to be advised and educated. This follows up on the panel where it was made obvious that Senju has being warned two times that nobody, including her, should touched Mikey's toy; and yet, she didn't listen. Suddenly she fell and accidentally broke the toy, and when Mikey asked who did it, she panicked and straight ahead blaming Haru, knowing very well enough that his brother always got scolded by his irresponsible big brother. True, kids tend to make mistakes and most of them lies out of fear of being scolded but she was still at fault for it and just like she said, there is nothing she could do to change that. This could be a good lesson to learn. If you have younger siblings or children, be responsible and educate them equally in their young age. Don't have to be so aggresive, just make sure they learned their lesson. Yes, don't be like Takeomi.

In case for Haru, I have never thought I would sided with him. I don't hate him entirely since his character has nothing to offer before, but now we get to know more about him and the purpose of chapter 206. Haru was a good boy at first but he was completely changed after the lie Senju made against him. Despite living his life despising his own siblings to the point where he even changed his name, I wonder why it is different with Mikey. Why would he sticks around with the guy who created a monster in him, also the one that caused the scars on both of the corner of his lips? Is Haruchiyo has something against Mikey or finding something great in him instead thus why he follows Mikey? This chapter raised quite many questions than answers. Him being scolded and blamed over someone else's responsibilities, plus the accusation made against him and the trauma of being abused by his own childhood friend just because of a broken toy, were the huge cause that made Haruchiyo the way he is now. Maybe for a fact that he murdered Mucho was because he held those past traumatic memories tightly, and that could be the only drive that made him genuinely hate traitors. Still, we need to remember he has done so much killings in the Bonten arc and that time, even Takeomi was there witnessing the crime he commited. Now the question is, how did they end up in the same crime organization in the future?

Lastly, Mikey. I'll make it short; what kind of psychopathic kid of him to almost rip off his own friend's lips? Over a toy....? And his Dark Impulse is indeed started long before Shinichiro was dead. Tbh, I wonder if there is actually a starting point to where it was triggered because Mikey definitely needs someone to get him a long-term therapy or sumn. Smh, some adults in this manga are so damn frustrating and useless.

So far, we only got a piece of puzzle regarding Haruchiyo from Senju's POV. I really hope we get the chance to see Haruchiyo and Mikey's POVS in order to complete Senju's POV.

[crossdressingdeath]

#and that's not even going into the fact that being a Warden for young people also means they forgo chances of having children#and that it takes DECADES off your life#which granted isn't an issue for Loghain but for the Warden certainly#and it also gives a special... flavour to the canonical ending where Alistair ends up king#bc putting Alistair on the throne dooms the current Ferelden royal line to die with him bc he can't have children#which is all kinds of weird to have presented as the “best” option#when CLEARLY Anora would've been best choice for queen and free to marry anew and have children (tags via @elveny)

To be fair, Alistair doesn't know that killing an archdemon destroys your soul; Duncan never told him, and Riordan only reveals it after the Landsmeet. If you spare Loghain and do the Dark Ritual it's entirely possible Alistair never learns the price of slaying an archdemon, since that's a Warden secret and... well, he pretty firmly declared himself to no longer be a Warden. So I don't think that can be taken into account for Alistair's views on making Loghain a Warden. ...Not to mention, as far as I'm aware there's no suggestion that the Wardens think killing an archdemon stops you from going to whatever afterlife you believe in, Andrastian or otherwise. Huh. I feel like there are some interesting implications there, although I'm not sure what they are.

But it's very interesting how it's Daveth (a thief) and the Warden (more likely than not a criminal of some description, lower class, or both) who accept that the Wardens aren't some perfect knight in shining armour organization and willingly carry out their roles anyway and Jory (a knight) and Alistair (a Templar recruit) whose respect for and loyalty to the Wardens doesn't survive learning that no, the Wardens expect them to do and accept Fucked Up Shit. Like, the people from the dregs of society accept the part the Wardens play and take on the moral complexity of the Wardens, but the people belonging to the higher classes can't handle it. It's also interesting that Daveth and the Warden were both conscripted in order to escape the law (or at least that's likely to be the case in the Warden's case), while Jory had to win a tourney to get in and Alistair wanted it from the start. With the Wardens unwilling recruits are sometimes better, because they immediately grasp that the Wardens as a whole are only the good guys because they're facing down the apocalypse. What seems to happen is that people who see joining the Wardens as a reward and an honour often can't hack it, because they expect the Wardens to behave like an organization it would be a reward and an honour to join and... they don't. Meanwhile people forced into it by circumstance or conscription recognize the Wardens are not honourable and joining them isn't a reward, because... well, they're only here because there was no alternative, and the Wardens sure as hell weren't interested in offering them an alternative. Alistair got past the Joining because he really really wanted to be a Warden! He was more invested than Jory (and notably he was conscripted, rather than winning the "honour"; already he was more aware that the Wardens could get away with a lot of shit than Jory was), but he can't get past learning that the Wardens are prepared to recruit even their enemies. To put it another way... I wonder if there's a part of Alistair that's angry not because Loghain has been given the "reward" of becoming a Warden, but because he now has to face the fact that becoming a Warden is not a reward and Duncan almost certainly didn't conscript him out of kindness?

I mean, the Calling could be an issue for Loghain. It comes for people at different points, if his comes in ten or fifteen years it'll cut some time off his lifespan. But yeah, the bit where becoming a Warden is a deferred death sentence and makes having children extremely unlikely is... a thing! And I do wish there was an option to point out that you have to be very invested in the Wardens' goals to make that trade worth it (which is. why the Wardens don't warn recruits about it. and also why it's a bit dumb that they put all their recruits through the Joining immediately instead of saving it for if they get infected with the taint but I digress) and since Loghain very obviously is not a huge Warden fanboy he is definitely not going to see this as an overall good thing (even though he is pragmatic enough to go with it with no hard feelings) and honestly whether he sees his punishment as a bad thing is more important than whether Alistair sees it as a bad thing.

A thing I wish DAO went into more: the way Alistair is in some ways incredibly selfish. Like, the way he refuses to take charge of the group is treated as kind of endearing in the text, but the game doesn't really get into what a massive burden he just... drops on the junior Warden present with no warning or discussion. Think about it: the Warden is heavily implied to be very young (possibly younger than Alistair, definitely around the same age), most of them have no real experience in leadership, several of them have no experience in the world outside their small corner, all of them have only been Wardens for a few days. And Alistair dumps leadership of the group on them and refuses to take any of that weight. Does your Warden like leadership? Are they any good at it? Is it exhausting and difficult for them? Alistair doesn't care! He doesn't want to lead, and that means you have to lead, and whether or not you want to lead has no bearing on that. It's not a discussion, there's no suggestion of sharing the responsibility of leadership as the Wardens of the group; Alistair metaphorically throws the responsibility at you and runs.

But if you go for low approval with Alistair it's basically all about calling him childish and immature, even though I think a much more compelling low approval dynamic is the Warden despising Alistair for putting so much on them with no hesitation, but being stuck with him (because they know as well as he does that they need all hands on deck Warden-wise) and stuck with that burden of leadership (because a Warden kind of has to be in charge of the group and even if one didn't no one else in the group would be very good as a leader in this situation, and Alistair has made it very clear that he won't take it). Even at high approval it would be very compelling to have this sense of resentment at how Alistair just assumed they'd take on the burden of leadership and refuses to take any of it for himself. But that aspect gets completely ignored in the story, you don't really get the chance to raise the matter aside from asking why you're in charge despite him being the senior Warden present a couple of times.

It also adds something really spicy to the fallout of sparing Loghain, though, because... Alistair forced the Warden to take on leadership. He made them be the one to make these hard choices. It's never been a discussion, it's never been the Warden's choice whether or not they take on responsibility for these tough decisions, Alistair always just expects them to do it. And now they've made a call he doesn't like, and he abandons the group on the eve of battle because of his wounded feelings? I'd argue that's as much a betrayal as sparing Loghain if not more so, and certainly more of a betrayal of Duncan's memory; Duncan understood that a good Warden must be driven by necessity, not emotion or even morality, and I feel like in the Warden's place he likely would've made the same call. They need Wardens around to kill the Archdemon, as many as they can get, and even one more could make the difference between victory and defeat. The Warden and Alistair may not know the details, but with the most senior Warden present saying they should make Loghain a Warden instead of killing him a logical assumption would be he has a very good reason for saying so and maybe they should listen to him! I would've loved it if during the argument with Alistair after sparing Loghain you could really get into that "You forced the responsibility of making these decisions on me when I never wanted or asked for it, you don't get to throw a tantrum now that I've made one you don't like" aspect of it, but you... don't. And that's a shame, because it takes a lot of depth away from his dynamic with the Warden.

[female-malice]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

... yes... but I'm not interested in gold star discourse at all. Some people take the gold star thing too far. That can make it difficult to discuss lesbian adolescent experiences.

Like, as a young girl, from age 8 to 11, I'd have what I thought were "crushes" on boys. All my female friends had crushes on boys. I knew they were normal, and they each had their unique quirks. I felt just like that. Normal enough, and when I felt different, it was just a unique quirk. So I'd observe them and how they had crushes on boys. And then I'd try to figure out which boy I had a crush on. It was an important topic to think about because it was a question I'd get asked often.

I realize now this was a more cerebral active process than what my OSA friends were going through.

I also had several male friends who I liked spending time with and hanging out with. But my female friends were always nervous around their crushes, and I wasn't nervous around these guys. So I knew I didn't have crushes on them.

Anyway, I'd always pick some boy that a Very Special Girl (VSG) really liked.

And, honestly? It was very weird. Because I'd really behave and feel like I had a crush on him. I didn't feel attraction, but I could still muster up an obsession over these boys. Looking back, I wonder where those feelings came from. Maybe it was the thrill and excitement of stepping on VSG's toes.

I never acted on these strange adolescent "boy crushes." And meanwhile, I had my first intimate romantic experience with VSG. This was just a "quirk." I still believed we were both normal and straight and just like everyone else. Because I felt normal inside more or less. So why wouldn't I be?

Any time a boy asked me out, I'd rudely reject him. Every boy that asked me out registered as supremely ugly to me. VSG wasn't interested in these boys, so why should I be?

But if one of VSG's boy crushes asked me out, what would I do? One of them gave me a mixtape once. I was thrilled! I felt like I won. Then VSG lost interest in him and so did I.

But what if this boy was more persistent? What if he didn't pick up on the fact I no longer had a "crush"? What if he asked me out for real? Would I have rejected him? Idk. Maybe we'd be a middle school couple and go to movies and hold hands. I can't picture this particular boy being a pig. But what if our little movie dates lasted a few more years? What if we were still going out at 13 and 14? Boys who are kind and normal at 11 can definitely grow into pigs. What would my straight peers expect me to do at that age? What would've happened to me?

I have no idea because he didn't ask me out. He gave me a mixtape and we left it at that. I was never in a situation where my "I'm straight and normal" hypothesis was tested so directly. But I remember how terrified I was of straight sex at the time. Sexual nagging from my peers at 13 and 14 could've really fucked me up. And years later, I'm sure I'd be annoyed at people arguing whether or not I was a gold star.

[eagles-translated]

Answering questions about Eagles 4x03–4x04 (Part 1) 🏒

Thought I'd do another one of these so I can try to answer all the asks I've received about the two latest episodes before the new ones drop! I've gotten a lot of questions so they won't all fit into this post, which is why I'll also make a part 2. If you've sent in a question about the latest episodes but it's not included here, it will most likely be answered in the next part.

This question was sent in before the episode premiered, but you pretty much hit the nail on the head considering the scene we got in episode 4! I actually wasn't expecting a scene with Petra telling Elias about her past relationship with Mats but I guess he had to find out somehow.

I'm really curious to see if Amie will also find out about the relationship soon and what her reaction to it will be. I really enjoyed how Elias reacted by saying Mats was an idiot and then saying he wasn't like his dad. I think that's pretty significant evidence that Elias and Amie won't be a repeat of what happened with Mats and Petra.

Elias gets such heart-eyes whenever he looks at Amie and it's absolutely adorable. It was actually a little jarring to see Elias go from being totally head over heels for Amie to acting so aggressive when he got wasted at the party. I mean, I'm pretty sure he's still head over heels for her, but I don't think we've ever seen Elias behave like that before.

I hope that Elias's conversation with Petra means we'll get to see Elias and Amie find their way back to each other in the next two episodes. Even if that might be unlikely, this angst is already killing me!

Thanks for this ask @lovelygirlinbleu! I hope you're having a great day/night/morning as well. 💕

I don't think so, at least from what I remember! There was a scene in 1x06 where Elias and Felicia are watching a horror movie on Halloween and Elias has his "did you know vampires used to exist" monologue, but I think they were watching a different movie than the one Amie had on.

However, I do think we've all seen a variation of that scene where Amie watches the horror movie in some form or another—just maybe in a different show.

I thought the scene was funny so I'm definitely not complaining, but it's a pretty common trope to have a character be watching a horror movie and build up suspense to a minor jumpscare.

It reminded me a little of this scene from Mean Girls! It would've been hilarious if we saw Amie spill her popcorn like that too, because I've always found that scene so funny.

Elias is really adorable when he geeks out about stuff, like with the Norrsken movies! I can really relate to you saying you like Elias's lighthearted undertone, because that's one of the reasons why he's my favorite character.

Now that you bring up not rushing things with Elias and really exploring him, I'm starting to wonder if maybe this eating disorder storyline was introduced too late? I don't know, it's probably too early to tell and we'll see based on how the storyline unfolds, but I hope it won't feel rushed.

I have to admit, that was on my mind while watching the scene too! Otherwise it was really sweet, but I kept thinking that Amie should've at least thrown Elias in the shower first lol.

You're definitely right that the scene felt bittersweet considering Elias's problems, and it broke my heart when Elias said the whole thing was a stupid idea. But it was such a well-written scene overall.

Also, they really threw us for a loop by how they cut the "Then I'll break" line from Elias in the trailer. They made it seem like Elias would really be clinging to Amie, and then it turns out that Amie was the one who brought it up in the first place.

That was really clever editing on their part to cut out Elias's emphasized "then" in the trailer. In the trailer he says "Then I'll break", which made me assume that the whole concept of breaking would be Elias's idea. In the episode, where we get the full line and build-up to it, he instead says "Then I'll break". When the line is emphasized and in response to Amie claiming that Elias will break from his overworking, it totally changes the meaning of the line.

That's probably a tiny detail that doesn't really matter much in the grand scheme of things, but still! I wrote a whole post analyzing that line from the trailer only to be completely fooled lmao.

I hope it goes well too. But if I'm perfectly honest I would've preferred to not see Felicia in a romantic relationship this season, and instead just working on herself and not depending on other people for happiness.

This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion, but I just can't see any romantic chemistry between Felicia and Naima. I obviously knew the writers were building towards something with all the flirting, but an actual relationship? I don't really know. Their kissing scene felt strange to me.

Even if I did spot romantic chemistry between them, I feel like Naima wouldn't really be the right person for Felicia right now. I mean, we don't even know what caused Naima to end up in rehab. For her and Felicia to start a relationship when they're both right out of rehab seems like a recipe for disaster to me. I'm still not 100% sure about this storyline, but we'll see how things unfold!

I agree! I loved that Klara was immediately accepting of the relationship too. And now that you mention the detail about Amie hinting about her concerns about Elias to Klara, it got me thinking. This isn't entirely related to what you asked, but I'll write it down in case anybody's interested.

Maybe some people will disagree with me on this, but I hope Klara won't be the (main) person helping Elias with his eating disorder. That sounds bad, but hear me out. I definitely want Elias to get help, but I've noticed that the writers keep having Klara help people as a way to convince the audience that she's really changed and become a good person. I mean, she definitely has. But her character development should've come more organically instead of having Klara become this saint who solves everybody's problems.

So far Klara has helped Felicia after she attempted suicide, helped Ludde by taking him to the school nurse after he got injured and then helped him by (almost) reuniting him with Felicia, and also helped Amie with the contract. She even helped Mats and the whole Eagles team in season 3 by becoming their sponsor.

On top of all this she's a businesswoman at age 18/19, having no prior education about how managing a company even works. She's basically just learned things as she goes—all while balancing her studies and also managing to help all other main characters in some way or another. It's just a little too much, and that makes Klara an unrealistic character for me.

Anyway, back to your question! I think Amie's decisions really show maturity and that she's grown since season 1 and 2. She obviously loves Elias very much, but also cares a lot about his health and well-being.

I agree with you—I can't see Elias going back to train hockey in the US when hockey and elite sport in general has become such a destructive environment for him. My guess is that he won't be pursuing a professional hockey career by the time Eagles ends, and instead going to the US to pursue something else.

My personal prediction is that we'll see him follow Amie to the US to study at a university, with my guess being that he'll go to film school since Elias has shown an interest in movies. If he chooses to pursue a career in film, it would also make a lot of sense for him to go to the US (maybe Los Angeles?) with Amie.

It definitely wouldn't be healthy for Elias to go to the US to keep playing hockey. If that happened, I can see Elias thinking he needs to work even harder to prove that he deserves to be there and that would definitely break him.

I'm manifesting a happy Elias and Amie going to the US, with Amie getting a contract with Gabrielle and Elias going to film school. Imagine if Elias started directing Amie's music videos after finishing his education? That would be so adorable.

Same! I love all the Petra and Mats interactions we're getting in this season.

Petra really just appeared out of thin air in that scene, but it was fun to see her be so confident and straight to the point after all we know she's been through when it comes to Mats.

I think that Petra had a good reason to tell Elias to stay away from Amie, actually. She tells Elias that Amie has her career to think about, which is exactly what Mats ended up doing when it came to his hockey career all those years ago. My belief is that Petra was just reminded of her past experience and tried to be helpful to a young teenager who hasn't really got everything figured out. The dislike she harbors for the Kroons is obviously there too, but I also think Petra simply believes that pursuing your career trumps true love. Let's not forget that Michael also left Petra to study law.

In that scene with Elias, it almost felt like she was giving advice to her younger self. Petra isn't doing this to be malicious—she obviously just wants to save Amie from any potential heartbreak (and by extension, Elias).

Well, that's my take on it anyway. Coming from a very biased Petra stan.

Me too @lovelygirlinbleu! Things aren't looking too bright for Andreas right now, and they're probably about to get even worse when we find out what diagnosis he actually received. The scene where Andreas is singing about how his time is up and Sam is just sitting in the background looking completely crushed was so sad.

I definitely have mixed feeling about the scene where Felicia is crying in the trailer. She's gone through so much already and I just want to see her be happy for once. It wasn't just a regular crying seeing either—she looked absolutely broken in that shot.

This season really is bittersweet. I like what they've done so far with balancing it out with more lighthearted moments, so I hope they keep that up.

[balmasedas]

desperado / druglord!javier peña au. 

chapter one.

summary: reader is a dea agent. violence has arisen in the streets of colombia and she's determined to bring javier peña to justice. things take an abrupt turn when, instead of her finding him, he finds her and realizes they got much more interest in each other than just drug-related topics. 

warnings: only +18. overall, this is smut so smutty. canon violence. detailed warnings in every chapter. spanish traductions are in the notes, though for the sake of non-spanish speakers, spanish dialogues will be minimal and not relevant to the plot.

word count: 2.5k.

You throw your sweater in the backseat of your car before exiting it. In the morning, you had dug through your boxed-up winter clothes after shivering in your shirt-sleeves as soon as you got out of your department. Now, the temperature has risen to the seventies and you give yourself a clap in the back for deciding to wear something decent underneath. Spring in Colombia is a nightmare.

The crime scene is packed with local police and DEA agents. There are no civilian spectators this time, they know better than sticking their noses in the Medellin's cartel businesses.

Upon your arrival, you don’t need to identify yourself to the uniformed men guarding the perimeter. They know you well by then. You are the only female in the team that has to deal with these kinds of situations —gruesome, gut-churning, dirty shit. Not a very much "lady-like" job, some would express. For that, you have earned yourself the title of a gritty woman. Maybe because you were gritty, maybe because you were a woman.

Sometimes, though, you find yourself wondering why you turned down some run-of-the-mill desk job back in Virginia. It would’ve been a dull routine, for sure — hideous, even; but gossiping about some flash romance between two co-workers is less taxing than having to witness five rotting corpses at first daylight. 

"Jesus Christ," you lift your sunglasses to your head. Your partner, esteemed, weary agent Steve Murphy, turns around at the sound of your voice. 

“You’re up early.” he asserts, with a raised eyebrow. 

You purse your lips. “Had a bad night. Ran out of whisky at one am.” 

Not even Hugo, or Hughie for his gringo friends, could help you. You forgot that his daughter would be celebrating her birthday and his all-night store would be closed until the next morning. Normally, you would own an arsenal of alcohol, but it has been an abnormal week and a hell of a night —starting with the spiral of violence that has arisen in the streets of Medellin.

"Well, look at the bright side: your stomach is empty," Murphy mumbles.

Looking at the bodies in front of you, you can’t agree more: their hands are tied-up to the oxidated wire behind them, hanging by their arms. They are barefoot and scantily clad. There is a visible gunshot wound in all of their front heads, some flies are already hovering around the open flesh. A quick death to eternal torture, you suppose.

"When did you get the call?" you inquire.

He fiddles with his wristwatch. "About two hours ago." you only hum in response, keeping your eyes in front of you and paying no mind to Steve who only grows impatient at your silence. "You think this was Peña's job?" he adds.

You nod in denial. "If it was, it doesn't make sense." Not one bit. "Peña works underground, quiet, like a sneaky rat. I'd even say they're more well-behaved than most cartels. So why do this?"

Why such a declaration of violence? Why draw even more attention from the authorities? 

"Maybe he decided to toughen his punishments?” You scoff at his remark.

“He can do that without half the city knowing it. A ditch is much more subtle than a monument to death blocks from the US embassy.” 

Murphy smirks. “Seems that you have given it a thought before, Sarchie.” you narrow your eyes. He knows you hate that nickname. Your tendencies to boss him around had brought you consequences: the unofficial title of a Sargeant. Sarchie, shortened and friendly.

“Killing someone? Yes, you. Multiple times a day.” you put your sunglasses back on and walk away. The forensic police won’t be there until the next half hour, at least, and you are too disquiet to wait around. Plus, your stomach is growling, but Steve doesn’t need to know that. “We’re gonna need their names, I’ll see what I can find. You have a little chat with the coroner and see if they can speed up the autopsy. The sooner the better, ok?” you spot the smirk on his face. You know what he’s thinking. You shut your car's door and point a finger at him through the window. A clear warning sign in your eyes. “Shut the fuck up and do it.”

(,,,)

Happy hour. You give up on the investigation and stop off at ‘Chiquita’, a popular local bar near your place. The prices are cheap, the drinks aren’t that good but they do the job. The place is crowded — hot couples with wet, glowing skin grinding against each other. Happy or horny or both. You take a mental note to have some fun later. 

As you sip at your bourbon and crack your peanuts, you let yourself dwell on what you found out about your case. You finally got the names of your five guys. For that, much research wasn’t needed: All of them had their IDs in their pockets and they were exactly who you feared they were: no ones. No ties to any big names, no official involvement in any cartel — at the most, a few minor possession charges. As for weeks, your few clues have led to nowhere and the enigma surrounding the Medellin cartel seems to worsen with every minute that passes by.

You hate mysteries. Colombia’s full of them. 

You take your second bourbon in one smooth shot and ask for another. You grab a colombian peso from your wallet and slide it across the wood. Your eyes stop at the picture of your parents that you carry around. It’s tiny and worn, just like your relationship with them. They haven’t heard from you in weeks, a fair deal, if anyone asked. They don’t have to deal with their fucked up daughter and you can focus on your work filled with dead ends and a ghost that haunts you while you’re awake: Javier Peña.

“¹Qué tomas, preciosa?” a velvety voice caresses your ears. A pleasant smile breaks quietly over your lips. Just in time.

You turn your head to the side. The stranger, with chocolate-skin and inviting eyes, is waiting for an answer. You tap your fingers against the glass.

"Bourbon," you say. "²Pero no me vendría mal un trago más." he grins and holds up two fingers to the barman. He sits at the empty seat beside you, he’s exuberating confidence. He’s offered you the bait and you'd taken it.

"³Algo más que se te ofrezca?"

You look him in the eyes. You know how the story goes from there. It isn’t any different than the one from last night, or the night before. As an apex predator, he's out for something to satisfy his hunger. He won't go home without reaching his goal and you're desperate enough to let him.

"⁴Sí. Hay algo más que puedes hacer por mi."

(,,,)

The fucking cat on the window has been staring straight into your eyes for the last fifteen minutes. Matias, the guy you've met hours before, is too focused on you to notice the awkward presence of the animal, so you don't bother shooing it away. 

He's enjoying himself, pounding into you in a symphony of lust bites and moans. But the sound of skin on skin doesn't match the intensity of your passion for this encounter.

It's not that his performance was terrible, it was just... soft. So soft, too soft. From the sweet nothings, he gasps on your ear to the gentleness of his grip on your hip. 

You aren't a sweet girl. If you were sweet, you wouldn't have traveled all the way down to Colombia to participate in the war on drugs. If you were fond of delicateness, you would've stayed inside and touched yourself to a Cristina Peri Rossi novel instead of searching for strangers at bars.

You don't like to believe you are a special case. On the contrary, you assume your attitude is the rule and not the exception. Not a hell of a woman, but a woman made of hell – waking up already worried about the hours ahead of you. How could you not? Your life is as wide and empty as the sky. Unstable, unpredictable. Anything can happen. A good meaningless fuck is the only moment you allow yourself to feel something — someone. By then, the detachment that gets you through the day disappears and raw feral emotion takes its place. 

You are addicted. It's like a drug, but worse. Drugs don't have feelings, people do.

You’d grabbed Matias' hand and wrapped it around your neck a few times but your request had been ignored; you’d even pushed his ass against your body so you could get closer to a feral touch, but he had insisted on something more caring and delicate. 

And delicacy just won't do. 

So, after a few tries, you give up. You lay still, under his heating body, dead eyes directed at your window. No emotion whatsoever, no release. Like a numb, stiff sex doll, rooting for his satisfaction. Forgotten until next time.

“⁵Donde?” he blurts in your ear. You evaluate your options quickly. 

“⁶Adentro.” Any other place would demandsñ more attention. By then, he would be aware of your passivity and asking too many questions. You don't answer questions, you make them.

His body tenses and trembles. You feel heat dripping between your legs but it doesn't come from you. He leaves a few small pecks on your neck — thankfully, the last ones for the night. Matias breathes over you for a few seconds before he gets off. You stare at the roof in silence, and when he asks if you finished, you simply nod.

You can't grasp what he says under his breath after you ask him, as nice as possible, to leave. What he does or doesn't vocalize, it doesn't matter. You won't be repeating with him. You never fucked the same person twice. 

Once you hear the front door shut, still resting on your bare skin, you lit a cigarette. The room is void of artificial light, and the cat is still in the same place, with his silhouette contoured by the gleam of the moon.

"Sneaky bastard." you chuckle, then get up from the bed and slowly approach it.

You stop at the wooded frame of the window, maintaining your distance. Not too close to scare him or him to scare you. He isn't a friendly guy. He isn't even yours — just a grumpy cat that stops by your department too often demanding some food. You tried to get him to come inside before, but all you had won from your offers were a couple of scratches. Nonetheless, the cat has seen more of you than many people have. So, even though you renegade from him, you found yourself inevitably attached. He's the closest thing to a family, after Murphy, of course. But Murphy hasn't seen you on your worst, yet.

"Hope you see the same shit I see." you grimace and shake your head. "Not like that, I mean... I should choose better who to fuck with. And they should choose better too." the cat remains silent –obviously– and you keep talking. "You could make yourself useful and spook them away before I have to." he meows, you roll your eyes and decide to leave him alone. "Then again, I could do it myself if I told them I hold long conversations with the stray cat that lives in my window."

You choose to take a bath and call it a night. You glide through the living room, though before you can reach the bathroom something stops you. There's a noise outside, some glass breaking down on the streets. You can ignore it, conflict isn't a foreign subject in Colombia, especially at late hours. But then it repeats itself a second time, and the third bugs you too much for you not to grab your night robe and take a look at it from your window.

The only light pole is out of order; there's not a soul in sight; music can be heard from afar. You see nothing out of place until you do.

Your car is parked across the street. All four windows have been smashed, the tires are flat. You barely waste time cursing before you flee out of your place. You thought the night couldn’t get worse but the world has a disturbing obsession with testing your patience. 

Once you take a step outside and approach your damaged car, you’re not sure where your chills are coming from. Perhaps, because of the unfriendly weather or maybe because you’re suddenly aware of how idiotic was your decision to go outside. 

Everything inside your vehicle is left untouched. There weren't objects of value anyways. You find no logical reason for someone wanting to wreck a car just because —yours, of them all.

Big red warning signs color your mind. Your eyes scan your surroundings with speed. It's a dark, lonely dessert. You're now sure that what happened isn't some random event. The victim could've been to another person, but you weren't just another person.

"⁷Discúlpeme, señorita." a voice throws yourself far from the source. You reach for your gun just to find nothing there. Damn you. "⁸Está bien?" you look at the man. An old man that, at first glance, doesn't represent a threat. His voice is gentle, his voice is tinted with a caring voice. You lower your defenses, just a bit, not enough to stay around.

"⁹Sí." you mutter.

Slowly, you walk back to your apartment. Old man glues his eyes to your form and you don't take your own off from his'. Before reaching the sidewalk, you trip with something. Your back collides against a car and you're ready to apologize when the owner exits it there’s not a sign of rage in his face. On the contrary, his stare is blank and his mouth doesn’t even twitch.

Bad news.

You intend to run, but another guy blocks your passage and two more appear at each side of you. You turn over to ask the old man for help, but he’s gone along with your last piece of hope. Can’t blame him, you would’ve escaped too if you had the chance. However, you can’t and the smartest thing to do is acknowledge it and work from it. 

You stay still thinking it will persuade them to opt for gentle treatment. 

How naive of you. 

A set of fingers dig into your arms, another one grabs you by the neck and lowers your head as they drag you into their car. Guarded by two of them who sit at your sides, a dark cloth bag is placed over your head and your wrists are restricted with a zip tie. 

All you have left now is your hearing, you pick up a few things: the engine roaring, the tires burning on the asphalt as you speed off, some spanish words thrown in the air. Nothing substantial, nothing of use.

You sit in silence and wait for the worst.