#it makes me sad when i think about it in depth

[olderthannetfic]

Hi OTNF and everyone,

I am finding that it's harder and harder and harder to get into anything - book, show, movie... most things seem, you know, to just not be doing it for me, be it fanfic or original stuff.

In part, I think, it's a general restlessness and that it's become harder to give anything enough time to get into the stories, the characters, the settings, the narrative voices... I guess you can call it attention deficit on my part, just a need for stories to deliver those sweet, sweet hits quickly, but they're not.

I'm not currently ficcing but I did for years (might again in the future, who knows), and it's made reading, specifically, harder. It's like I've become more aware of what goes on behind the scene, I guess? I feel like I can see the writer giving up on a sentence, skipping a scene because fuck this, trying hard to not repeat a word although it's the only one that fits, etc.

Or maybe it's just the *everything* around us in the world that is weighing on me too much? I could say it's adult life, but then again I have more free time than most (and boy do I need hours of doing nothing to survive the other hours), and no family/partner (all that would put even more pressure on me): what is wrong, to make everything so UGHHH?

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with a brain moaning feed me, feeeed me, and whatever I try to give it, it spits everything out. (Yes, I've tried hobbies, and nothing sticks there either. I've never really found rewards or satisfaction there, so...)

Decades ago as a kid, I was a voracious reader, although studying literature took the pleasure of it away from me. It took time and discovering fanfic that brought me back to reading, but at the time the internet was starting to be a thing, too, and it can't have helped the attention thing. AFAIK I'm not ADHD but then again, I couldn't get a proper diagnosis (the therapists I saw were either dismissive or just about The Talking, which was pointless for me).

I just wonder how it all disappeared, you know? Sometimes I find something that catches my attention for a while - a book (but I read quite quickly when motivated), a fandom... but it's been a while now, and it's just so frustrating! When is it going to come back? Will it ever? *gulp*

I know that books were escapism when I was a child, and then fandom was escapism, but at the moment I find myself grabbing at air and my empty hands are mocking me. Give me my escapism baaaaack!

So, uh. Anyone here with me?

--

Yes.

I felt like that during part of lockdown. Anhedonia is common in those kinds of circumstances.

Getting your mojo back is certainly possible, but you may need to go see a professional about depression and have some chemical assistance (yes, even if you don't feel sad per se), or you may need to change your lifestyle to one that doesn't have the thing causing you to need eleventy billion hours of downtime.

Aside from serious interventions like that, you can consider a social media detox. Remove every source of doomscrolling and time wasting of that type. When the attention span is zero and nothing brings joy, the tiny and useless hits from finishing a game of solitaire or seeing one more instagram post become very attractive. This is a trap. It will suck what little energy and joy you have and make your muscles flabby for the work of getting into an in-depth book/hobby/experience.

I know the feeling of being able to see how the sausage is made, but... well... first, being in a better mental state will make that matter less, and second, reading prose that is more competent will make that less of an issue. A lot of mainstream tradpub genre fiction is not, in my opinion, very well written these days. Obviously, people are still enjoying it, and that's fine, but if you're noticing writers fumbling around, it might be time to check out some literary fiction or some other category known more for prose quality than anything else.

It's also important to have some structure and some things to look forward to. Even if you feel tired, overwhelmed, and busy, sometimes, the answer is to do more... But it must be things that are distinct and significant and that get you off of the couch, like going to one museum every weekend.

I saw some advice once about this kind of thing that phrased it as "One big adventure; one small adventure."

Every week, you should have those two things to look forward to that matter. Check out a new coffee shop. That could be the small one. Go to an event: a gallery opening, a concert, whatever.

Physical exercise and doing some things that aren't as verbal and conscious thought-involving is important too. Painting is a better hobby for zoning out than writing is. Taking long walks in nature is good for most people.

--

The kind of intense, obsessive love I had for reading as a child and that I sometimes have for fandom requires a lot of attention and some time. It's escapist, but that masks how much work it actually was. It didn't feel like work only because we were in training.

If you've filled your brain and your day up with a thousand petty annoyances or minor and useless attempts to feel something, you won't have the capacity for those deeper things.

Because you are already at a point that's equivalent to a bad sprained ankle, trying to get back to running right now won't work. You have to stay off of the ankle for a bit, then build your strength and stamina back up.

[v4mpyinred]

ok this might be hella long, but I need to scream about some details about Makoto Yuki in Persona 3 Reload, because they're so missable so I feel like nobody else has noticed or cared about them other than me!!!!

Please someone hear me out 😭 (spoilers ahead)

One underrated thing about Reload, which is my favorite thing ever, is that we get to hear Makoto's thoughts when interacting with the world around him. Compare it to FES where the game's inner dialouge is in 2nd person, Makoto's inner dialouge in Reload is in first person.

I didn't give too much attention to a Makoto's thoughts in my 1st playthrough and I think it's what made me not as attached to Makoto as I would've liked in that playthrough. But god, in my 2nd playthrough, especially after watching the movies, all of that changed...

I noticed that Makoto's thoughts genuinely change as the game progresses. You see him start off as indifferent to everything, to cherishing the memories he's made with his friends.

For instance, take a look at his thoughts on the kitchen. I don't have a screenshot of this, but at first, he doesn't really care and just sees it as another tool. But as the game progresses...

This dialouge makes me swoon every time 😭💜

One of the biggest hidden details is Makoto's inner thoughts when you interact with the book on the dorm table. He has individual thoughts on the handwriting of each member of SEES as they join, which were delightful to read in my 2nd playthrough.

But what shocked me the most was after Shinji dies, if you interact with the book, then here are Makoto's inner thoughts:

That "..." doesn't show up if you interact with the book again. This was very intentional. And god, did that hit me extremely hard. In fact, if you interact with anything involving Shinji after he passes, you can really see how much Makoto respected him :((

Once January rolls around, Makoto's thoughts change to this sweet message 😭💜

Ngl I almost teared up when I saw this for the first time. Especially since it was my 2nd playthrough, and I was actually attached to Makoto this time + I knew what was up ahead :')

shit there's even dialouge if you go to the bathroom on the Promised day 😍

Don't even get me started on Makoto's inner dialouge on March 4th. Pretty much everything interactable is changed to fit the mood of how tired Makoto is, but also how much he's appreciated the year and the memories he's made.

Like when you interact with the kitchen, his inner dialouge about the kitchen changes once last time to this (credits to alanamisako):

This shit made me burst into tears so badly 😭😭😭 "I'll never forget those precious memories" FOUL atlus, FOUL!!! His thoughts on Shinji's room change on March 4th as well 🥲

Just seeing how much Makoto had grown throughout the game, and knowing what was to come, made this, and all the other March 4th dialouge, even harder to get through in my 2nd playthrough. It also resonated with me, because I too will never forget the precious memories I've made with this game...

Things like this make me appreciate Reload so much. Interacting with every little thing is my favorite pass time in video games that allow me to do it. I've probably wasted so much time in games doing this. But most game's interactables don't have this depth, and they certainly don't change at all, even as the game and protagonist develop. I also feel like nobody else takes the time to really interact with everything or see if there's anything else to see before they progress (trust me, if a game says go left, I'm always going to go right first), and it makes me sad that so much of this, and other details, go unnoticed. I've certainly heard "I've never noticed that" a lot when sharing these sorts of things with people 😭

Things like this really help flesh out the protagonist people call "bland". I really love silent protagonist and developing their personality based on their thoughts on the world around them. I also love worldbuilding and learning about other characters through it.

And I'm trying so hard to not let Makoto take Joker's place as my favorite protagonist (cuz the rest of SEES have already done that to the PTs LOL) but it's been getting harder these days. Makoto is just so perfect! I love his growth & seeing all of his inner thoughts and combining it with movie Makoto's AMAZING characterization (plz watch the p3 movies ya'll) just made me super attached to him!! I could scream about Makoto all day. He cares so much for his friends, and it's thanks to them that he's able to appreciate the life he didn't know he could have 🥲

So I highly encourage you to interact with everything when playing Reload! From NPCs, to random things that aren't the main objective (trying to leave when you're supposed to be fighting a full moon shadow leads to some funny dialouge for instance), etc etc.. especially as the game progresses. I mean, we all laughed at the 3 coffins in the Love Hotel, and there's so many other details and foreshadowing like that I can't even get into! It really immerses you and attaches you to the protag, but also makes the end of the game hit hard...That "my eyes feel heavy" got me horribly in my 2nd playthrough after keeping up with Makoto's thoughts the entire game HOO BOY!🥲

I also recommend you do this with other games as well. Video games have always been an experience over just a game to me. And I want to experience as much of the game as I can, even silly little things like this :)

[pistol-grippump]

Unfortunately idolizing TCC perpetrators causes me to isolate myself and now socializing is extremely scary to me. I don't have friends at school which really helps me understand the weight of these cases but most importantly, I've never had a girlfriend of any sort which is kind of sad to me?

Of course Im not one of those people who need a partner to get by (otherwise I'd be dead.) but it's just something I think about a lot. I like a lot of people and am fully capable of being in a relationship I think.. but I feel like it's getting to know someone I'm scared of. Unfortunately the bonds I had were never very in depth or meaningful to me. To the other person maybe, but dropping people in an instant has never been something I struggled with.

I'd like to think I'm a very out of sight-out of mind person which makes my life a lot easier all the time, but I can't say I don't wish I had a partner or even long term friends that mean something to me. I want to be able to feel hurt when I lose someone I loved but I'm not sure I can even say I've genuinely loved anyone.

To me, and I'm not trying to sound edgy but it is tccblr so.. you can't expect any less, but I digress. I don't know if it would bother me if anyone in my active life had maybe died or left completely to an extent. I think I manage well on my own from constant isolation and forcing myself to understand how things work as well as what I need to get by and I can't say people are a factor.

[mageofquandrix]

Ooh, how about 17 for the WIP folder game!

This was a popular one, haha!

Anyway, this is my take on the Rook & Emmrich romance argument. It's one of the very DATV things I wrote, so it's really rough; I actually had to go in and change Lucien's name, because I renamed him halfway through my first playthrough. I'll probably end up scrapping most of what's on the page, but some iteration of the idea will end up in my canon playthrough fic.

As always, first draft, please be kind!

“It breaks my heart to hear you worry like this,” he said softly, giving Emmrich as sad smile as he reached out to place a comforting hand on his arm.

“Darling, I didn’t-” he started with a pained look, and then drew back, out of Lucien’s reach. Lucien frowned, a pang of rejection as his hand fell, and he placed it on his hip instead. “I only wish to be fair to you,” Emmrich continued, his voice firmer, his face set in an unhappy seriousness. It didn’t suit him, and Lucien wanted to reach out and soothe the lines of tension in his jaw, to kiss him, until this bout of terror bled away. But Emmrich had already pulled away once, and Lucien was not interested in trying to force affection on him.

“I know what I’m getting into,” Lucien begun, but he was cut off. Emmrich gave a sardonic huff of a laugh, and a derisive look, eyebrow arched skeptically.

“At your age?”

A spike of irritation suddenly got Lucien’s back up, and he frowned, his arms crossing tight against his chest. It wasn’t as if their age difference didn’t ever affect them; Lucien sometimes frustrated him for his lack of relative maturity, and for his part, Emmrich could be dismissive and patronizing, particularly when he was upset. “Don’t start,” he said, an edge of warning in his tone.

“We must consider this,” Emmrich continued, and Lucien barely managed to bite back that they had considered it, they’d been through this, though clearly not to whatever depth Emmrich felt like it warranted.

“You’re over thinking it, and it’s not the time,” he tried, one last effort to remind his partner of what exactly they were doing tomorrow, that this really wasn’t, for his part, what Lucien wanted to spend the evening doing. Despite himself, though, he could feel his frustrations from all the conversations of the past, the resentment he tried to pack away that Emmrich couldn’t just leave it alone, rising to the surface, despite how he tried to swallow it back.

“One of us needs to consider my mortality!” Emmrich said, his voice raised to practically shouting, his eyes narrowed and angry. Lucien broke.

“Because you’re worried about me?” he said -no, shouted. His voice almost bizarre to him as he heard it in his own ears. He’d never spoken to Emmrich like this before and even as a part of him warned to pull back, his blood pounded in his ears, and he sharply advanced on him, even as Emmrich took a surprised step back.

“Or because you’re insecure about you? Because Emmrich, we’ve been over this, and I don’t know what you want me to say!” He pushed an angry hand through his hair, and he could feel the fire building in his chest. “What do you want me to say? What can I possibly say, that will be good enough for you?”

“Lucien, I-” Emmrich started, but Rook cut him off again, the sound of his voice just making him angry again.

“Do you want me to say, that I’m thrilled at the thought that you’ll die before me? Do you think I haven’t thought of it? You bring it up all the time, and nothing I say is ever good enough?What do you want from me?”

Emmrich scowled, his arms crossed against his chest. “I simply don’t believe it’s fair to you, to-“

“Are you breaking up with me?”

The room was impossibly still; even the fireplace seemed to hush. Lucien regretted saying it, wished he could take it back. He didn’t want to know, but he had to.

Emmrich stared at him, his mouth open in stunned silence.

As the seconds stretched, Lucien’s hands begun to shake. The bracelet, the stupid fucking gift he was still holding, rattled in its box. “Oh fuck. You are.”

[thequasarwinds]

Okay so I obviously can’t share ALL as that’d take to long (<-A very busy person here) but me and my twin do plan on making a full blown analysis video at some point!

But here’s a VERY poorly worded and articulated analysis on (*)this short clip. Please keep in mind that I was like barely awake when I wrote this so it’s really…weird? But I DO plan on making a more in-depth articulated post about this

(Copied and pasted from discord)

“ Okay but like this is so interesting to me Bc like

Wooly complains (like a kid) about it being dark. But it’s interesting to note his wording and emphasis “Well I still think. . .” Considering his very *fawn like nature- it’s just very interesting to see him express his own opinion like that. I feel this shows a level of comfortability with Amanda- as one usually doesn’t outwardly “complain” like this to someone they dislike or are super afraid of. There’s more I can say about this but I’m a little to tired to formulate it at the moment

Amanda replies with “You can go back inside if you want. You don’t have to be out here with me.” And I find this SO telling and sad :(( because Wooly never really mentioned them specifically- or being with Amanda specifically- just that it was dark and he didn’t like it. But Amanda brings it up- because it’s obvious she’s upset with him and doesn’t exactly want to be around him. I know this is like super obvious I just wanted to point it out

It’s almost in a “why are YOU the one complaining, when I’M not the one forcing you to be around somewhere/someone you don’t like. YOUR the one CHOOSING to be by me (when I don’t want that.)” Or more simply “I’m not forcing you to do anything- YOUR the one ‘forcing’ ME to be around YOU.“ Which I think is most notable when she emphasized “have” as well as her expression change when Wooly emphasized “I”

Especially with the way she turns away from him. She’s showing him her back- which is universally known as a way to 1) express your upset 2) cease or limit communication

It’s acting as barrier and creating (emotional distance) through purposefully turning your face away.

on Wooly’s end it’s very sad. He very clearly recognizes what she’s saying. When she turns it’s clear he wants to bridge that distance she creating- hence why he reached out. But as soon as she’s fully turned As soon as she emphasizes “have”, he just stops trying to reach out and solemnly accepts the emotional distance Amanda created

It’s sad because it’s clear he’s staying for Amanda- that he wants to be by Amanda And it’s kind of expressed by him through the fact he expresses dislike to being outside Of course he didn’t say that thinking “I’m going to express my intention in the most annoyingly vague way.” But the fact he remains makes his intentions clear. But Amanda herself doesn’t want him there and that clearly saddens/hurts him

Human communication is all about the underlying messages being told ESPECIALLY in scripted dialogue in stories (I do sincerely apologize to all neurodivergent people because of this 😭) So BASICALLY what’s happening here is

Wooly complaining about it being dark but still remaining (expressing that to him being by Amanda is more important) This sentiment gets rejected by Amanda- probably in part that she feels hurt by him as a result Amanda creates this distance which hurts Wooly

“

(*Screen recorded by my twin and posted on her account)

*I was referring to the fawn response here. Which is a particular trauma/fear response characterized by appeasement behaviors and a noticeable lack of boundaries (among many other things). There’s a LOT I can say about this and Wooly (as well as the flight response)

but that’s like too much to get into

So yeah! Get my substance-less weird and vague analysis that I sent to my twin at 3am

I was mostly pointing shit out

I REALLY have to take this and actually put down my thoughts and theories in a clear and concise way

Quick sort of random theory

Okay, so throughout the first and second game, Wooly appears to be compliant in their situation. Until the final two tapes. In "We Can Fix It" Wooly says he doesn't like this game anymore and he can't handle this anymore. Which is really weird for him. Because Amanda is following along with how the tape is supposed to go, so how can him not liking the game anymore (though it is brought on by the opossum's antics) still is strangely different from the Wooly we know. And then to say he can't take this anymore is even more strange, because we haven't really seen Wooly complain about their situation before. He'll complain about Amanda making him uncomfortable, about weird smells, about having to get up early... but never about the show itself. Then he tries to go back to his old ways in "Do you feel safe" but it's clear Amanda's comments are starting to get him thinking.

When Wooly says that the neighborhood feels safe, Amanda questions him and the city turns dark and Wooly becomes unsure. The rest of the tape he starts talking about how UNSAFE this area seems. He works together with Amanda to beat the opossum and then they go home.

We've seen a distinct change in behavior... I think Wooly might be changing sides.

However, his demon seems completely allied with Hameln.

When Amanda's demon spots us, it reaches for us for a second but turn it's attention back to Joanne. It could've lunged for us like Wooly's demon did but it didn't. I suspect since it's protecting the tapes, it probably trusts us more with them then Joanne.

However Wooly's demon appears to have a vendetta against as as well. As soon as it notices us, it seems like it would've gone after us as well if we hadn't closed the door.

So here's a little theory: Could Wooly's demon be made at us as well, not only for trying to stop Hameln... but because we are slowly changing Wooly's mind about Hameln through helping Amanda? Wooly has always been obedient and the company probably likes that... but if Wooly starts to question alongside Amanda, that won't be good.

Could the next game have us try and convince Wooly to rebel against Hameln?

[imaginethezeldaverse]

What do you think of midzel?

Two ethereal sides of the same coin.

And I'm sure they felt that magnetism towards one another. But where Zelda is more diplomatic and calculating, Midna is a little more brash and free-thinking. I imagine Zelda watched on as the impish form of her beloved faded into her full-figured state - fiery locks and crimson eyes a blaze of beauty against the deeper hues of her skin and garb. There was her princess.

I imagine Midna, now renewed in her true form, feels the warmth of Zelda's light and smiles. Her time on the side of light, no matter how brief, always leaves her feeling whole; she basks in the gentle glow of the goddess' chosen, a comfort the realm of Twilight could never give her.

She loved Zelda's honesty. Her ability to never lose hope. The fact that for all of Zelda's poise and perfectionist demeanor, when it came to Midna, there was softness. Zelda adored Midna's mysterious aura. How Twilight gleamed and shimmered even in the shadows. How her laughter held life and love in every note that passed her lips. They complimented each other. They loved each other. The light and shadow exist to keep each other whole.

[statementlou]

https://www.tumblr.com/louisupdates/754934426217152513/goodbye-faith-in-the-future-world-tour-272024?source=share

did he or did he not lose fans then?

I will answer this because this anon actually brings a concrete question to the table rather than just "hurhur but you're a larrie??" (tell me you can't actually refute any of our points…). Anyway this post shows the decrease in Louis instagram followers between the screenshots taken directly after the release of Faith in the Future in Nov '22, when he changed his bio to promote that album and the tour tickets, and now, when he changed it again to mention the current release. But I'm putting that response under a cut because I'm tired of the actual POINT of all this nonsense getting lost in a sea of made up things people insist are important:

There is no rational argument you can make to say that Louis has less fans now than he did 2, 4, or 6 years ago. You don't need a spreadsheet of details you need to USE YOUR EYES! He has gone from filling theaters to filling arenas and stadiums. His second album made a higher chart position than his first album. His festival has doubled in size EVERY year of its existence. And for that matter: his insta post engagement numbers remain about the same (despite the fact that older posts should have way MORE likes due to having been there longer, even aside from follower counts.) SO WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT HIS INSTA FOLLOWER NUMBER???? Serious question: what does the word "fans" mean if these things aren't what matters? ALL of this quibbling about what he should do to make things better and people can't even see that THINGS AREN'T BAD.

Anyway to address the specific question- (con't......)

NO- HE DID NOT LOSE FANS. HE LOST SOME INSTA FOLLOWERS. THESE ARE NOT THE SAME THING. As I said above, literally what does it mean to lose fans if that number change coincides with him having higher sales, more audience members, and higher engagement than ever before? Whatever he lost ISN'T FANS. I wouldn't be surprised if a significant factor was something like a bot purge, but also yes: I'm sure a lot of casuals followed him around the time of his big album release and later unfollowed him. That's extremely normal because that's how casual engagement works, and why the definition of fan really matters. Louis and his team understand this and have referenced it repeatedly, talking about how lucky he is to have *us* specifically, to have the kind of dedicated fanbase he has, to have the KIND of fans he does who will allow him to do what HE wants. @dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram named the issue of depth vs breadth with regard to fans a long time ago, and pointed out why having DEPTH is so much more important. It's like this- artists who are on top 40 radio have more numbers on things like insta follows, and for a time on sales and tickets. But those aren't FANS- they're people with a casual interest. And as soon as that person isn't being forced in their ears 10x a day, those people lose interest and stop supporting them, stop buying stuff and unfollow, and those artists end up doing the 'opener on the jingle ball' circuit rather than their own tours. One Direction as a whole, and Louis maybe most of all or near to at this point, have something MUCH MORE VALUABLE than that- DEPTH FANS. Louis has fans who will support him even if he takes years to release music, or stops parading around with a pretend girlfriend to stay in the headlines at least once a month, or completely changes his image and genre, and that is UNHEARD OF. It's ASTONISHING and worth SO MUCH MORE. And they get that! THAT is why he always bragging about us, why industry people he works with are always so agog about us, why he will do anything for US- not for randos. He is also growing his breadth- and it's OBVIOUSLY WORKING whatever his follower counts are, but that is always going to be secondary to doing things for THE FANDOM because that is his sustainable business model. That is what keeps him onstage and reaching number one. And not coincidentally, the things they do are also working to grow that- much more valuable- commodity. So the fact that that's exactly what these chuckleheads complain about- that he does things that are just fandom facing or serving rather than everything being aimed at recruiting casual fans- does nothing but betray how completely they, unlike Louis and his team, misunderstand the actual drivers of his (actual, existing, happening) success. Luckily for Louis, he and his team rely on their own data harvesting (they do a LOT of it) and growth metrics (they're off the charts) rather than the smug assumptions of random (mostly quite new to this) fans and the few bitter people leading the complaining about everything Louis does.

[ghost-bard]

something has possessed me i think bc why am i in the year 2024 thinking about merlin/gwaine but also merlin/lancelot but also gwaine/merlin/lancelot. what have i done to deserve this

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

This. This. This entire conversation with Morrigan actually makes me want to sob. She and my Tabris always becomes close friends over the course of DAO; that, paired with the fact that my Tabris always romances Alistair, makes everything about this hurt so much more when you take DAO's ending into account.

Her confusion over why my Tabris didn't send her away. Why she didn't abandon her after they learned of Flemeth's plans. Why Tabris went out of her way to slay Flemeth and bring her the true grimoire. She asks Tabris why, and is baffled when the answer is, "I did it because I'm your friend," as if it's that simple.

The way Morrigan looks at the warden, the way her voice cracks when she says, "I want you to know that while I may not always prove... worthy... of your friendship, I will always value it."

She knows how this will end; Flemeth sent her with the wardens with the end goal of stopping the blight and obtaining the old god soul through the dark ritual. Morrigan knows that Alistair and Tabris are the only Grey Wardens here, and assuming they don't find more, one of them will have to die defeating the archdemon unless they agree to do the dark ritual.

With that context, her asking Alistair, "And what if a Grey Warden has forced to choose between the Warden he loved and ending the Blight? What should his choice be?" suddenly has so much subtext weaved through the words that I'm gonna start foaming at the mouth. She's practically telling Alistair that a warden has to die. She's scrutinizing his reaction to find any hint that suggests he would agree to the dark ritual in order to save himself and the woman he loves. And when he doesn't choose, she has her answer.

Morrigan made comments to Tabris about him, almost hopeful that their relationship was just a physical thing between them and not actually riddled with feelings... and then gives disapproval when Tabris says she loves him.

She doesn't want the warden to die; hell, she doesn't want Alistair to die, either; whether because she does actually care about him or because she knows it'll break her friend's heart if she loses him, or both!

Things would be so much easier if the only two Grey Wardens left to defeat the blight didn't fall in love, wouldn't they, Morrigan?

She knows that in the end, no matter the outcome, she will lose the woman she called sister and it's devastating.

Morrigan, who has never known true friendship. Who grew up isolated in the woods with an abusive mother and terrible implications for her future. Who discovered said mother planned to take over her body just as she did with her other daughters. Who doesn't understand kindness as it was rarely given to her without a catch. Who isolates herself from the others in camp. Who finally has a companion she cares about... and in the end, if her plan works and the dark ritual is completed, she'll end up pregnant and alone and wearing Tabris' resentment like a tender wound on her heart.

Or Tabris will reject the ritual, and will die to the archdemon.

Or her lover will.

I just- the dynamic between the warden, romanced Alistair, and Morrigan is so good and painful and rich that I'm gnawing on furniture as we speak.

[zomboivex]

Posts creative content: crickets

Shitposts: large audience clapping

Yes… all things are as they should be.

[iniziare]

Following my usual daily ventures on X and Tumblr, I realized that there's two things that I wanted to address/bring up. So, as per usual: spoilers. /echo, echo.

— The Fade prison is still failing. It needed replacement (which is referenced on several occasions, but a big one is during the memory with Mythal that expands on the DAI scene), and nothing in current lore tells me that this has changed in any way: it's still failing. Nothing I can find says that it now being bound to Solas, who is decently weaker than Elgar'nan, magically 'resolves' that issue. Therefore, his 'atonement' doesn't automatically equate to an 'eternal imprisonment', even if Lavellan's choice of words for going with him include 'forever', for she simply doesn't know what she's walking into or for how long, and instead enforces this tether to him from the deepest form of trust one one else could ever find (heartbreak.mp3). The atonement lasts as long as Rook decides as they hold the dagger, or until the Veil falls on its own. But that touches on another topic briefly: if you want to 'punish' Solas the most, or longest— though this ending is 'kindest' (not quite), it is the one that keeps him in the prison the longest. The dagger trick (this warrants a post on its own, and it's the only one I have writing beef with, character 'bias' aside), or the worst ending(s) all send the lyrium dagger with him, which, has you wonder if he's then simply given the opportunity to slice into the Veil, and slip out. Does the prison need a host, if said host holds the lyrium dagger? And even if he couldn't what could he do from inside after 'Pride' has been taunted, and 'punished' (in Rook's, and the audience's eyes), since again, he is in possession of his dagger? There is no atonement here, only resentment from a spirit that is now even closer to finding its fully perverted nature of a Pride demon. So I think if speaking morally across the board, which option is really 'for the greater good of Thedas', instead of personal resentment (though understandable)? But in that, I like that we're repeatedly told that we don't know, and we're making it up as we go. Out of all protagonists, Rook's personal journey of mental development is the most intriguing to me, and arguably (in my opinion), is the most 'human' in the sense that I think they give us the most relatable options of choice, understandable/relatable resentment being one of them. But anyway, I digress: if the atonement ending isn't chosen, then I definitely think the story isn't quite concluded, even though I don't believe that it ever really is.

— Blood magic. No, Solas has no loathing for the nature of blood magic at its essence. He stated so very clearly back in DAI during a conversation with the Inquisitor in Haven, and the bit of the conversation that pertains to my point goes as follows: 'Magic is magic, just as water is water, but it can be used in different ways. (...) Dalish magic is more practical, not needing Chantry approval, although they still frown on blood magic. Superstition.' And when you ask him to elaborate, 'You said censure against blood magic was a superstition...' He adds: 'Most modern cultures forbid blood magic. Publicly, even Tevinter disapproves of it. But as I said, magic is magic. It matters only in how it is used.' And yes, I can already hear it, I know exactly what point will be brought up (lucky me, I found a video that touches on this exact topic that showcases both scenes): and I want to say firmly that no, this is not a retcon, nor is it Solas changing his mind, nor is this a total and utter lie (he rarely, rarely lies that fully, and clearly). He simply states that he abhors the use of it, as in— he, himself, despises using it; which is why he so firmly says no to Cole, when the notion is brought up in DAI. Now yes, he did employ the use of blood magic in relation to Rook (the extents, I need to do research on, as it's obvious that Solas absolutely winged that part of this 'plan', but all of it is also a bit flimsily written due to, for starters, the details that Varric shares being incredibly personal at times, but I digress), and I see so many on X and whatnot complain of how this means that 'Solas changed his mind', no— what it intends to show you, is the ferocity with which he believes that he, and only he, is able to fix what he broke. The game intends to show you that over, and over again, and it is to prove just how far a spirit can be pushed from where it started. And no, stop approaching Solas as if he is your regular elf next door, or anything but exactly what he is: a spirit. Trying to sway a spirit from its nature is incredibly difficult (we'll go into Mythal, and the nature of his care, and devotion to her that started the journey of his spirit's perversion, another day), and that is literally the explanation behind what people are calling an 'inconsistency'. It's called desperation, but more so, the strength of a belief, or more specifically, how far something that is akin to being... the 'personification' of a belief can go in, well, its own belief. I think Solas has proven that one can go very far. The perversion of spirits, and the reality of what demons then truly are, is a tragedy that Dragon Age has been trying to prove to us for years. It doesn't take away the wrongs that they can do once they get twisted, but it's tragic, because spirits are benevolent; serene, and peaceful at their core. And it's kind of heartbreaking to know that something so purely good, can be pulled from that nature.

[mothbeasts]

i miss posting and making and engaging with ieytd content but I will be honest sometimes it feels alienating. as a lesbian.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

You are seriously my favorite blog right now. You opinions and meta for ikevamp are so spot on. You somehow are able to flush the characters more than the canon. I just wanted to say I appreciate all the time you put into your writings and I love everything you have written so far!!!!

In Comte and Leo we trust 🫡

Aww, thank you so much! 💛💛💛

Honestly I have no control over the brainworms, I feel like Ikevamp is so saturated with implications that extrapolating becomes so much natural fun for me. I started writing and analyzing (with no supervision to stop me, big mistake) and I'm still so fascinated with it. I can't believe it's been almost what...four years? Five years? Since I started playing the Japanese version where this all began. I'm frankly flattered a lot of people agree/like my takes, it makes sharing my work really rewarding in ways I never expected~

I don't always have time for more than Comte thirsting and silly quotes these days, but you're more than welcome to enjoy what I've curated here! I imagine I won't stop shitposting until the app is discontinued, and even then I'm not confident I'll shut up 🤣🤣🤣 Comte's the best baby girl I've ever known lmfao

o7 PUREBLOOD STAN OR BUST HELL YEAH!

[feeling-kinda-sad-ngl]

oh my god i just remembered about the time in 6th grade where my parents let me lock myself in the basement blindfolded with earplugs and very little food (that wasnt even foood food just gansitos) and water for days

[fuitygummy]

I think I’m failing therapy

[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

#say what you will about rhaegar but you gotta love the aesthetic

grrm was actually so smart when he made rhaegar a depressed musician because i can actually see why everyone was so in love with him