#it makes me feel like my brains on fire
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gubat banwa makes me feel so normal and not insane <- said thru gritted teeth
#vic.txt#it makes me feel like my brains on fire#thank god 4 the lil solo campaign and premade kadungganan. i need 2 experience it NOW
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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My body physically aches for him 🧎♀️
Tried out a new rendering style for this, I think it's pretty neat
#when your comfort character is also a source of pain#my brain worms are satisfied for now#he simultaneously makes me feel like i swallowed butterflies and rocks#S and L are next 👈#one piece#one piece art#one piece ace#portgas d ace#fire fist ace
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I get that everyone wants TikTok back but do we understand how bad it is that it’s happening the way it’s happening. Like we do understand how much of a horrifically choreographed process this is to boost and benefit Trump right. Can we all take a second to pause and go “hey wow something’s been getting fucked up and fishy for days now with Trump being turned into the hero about this even by the TikTok company themselves all of a sudden”?? (more chatter in the tags re tech companies and authoritarian autocrats)
#I feel like I’m insane#and the whole country is just happy to download random apps and lose hours of our lives to companies that don’t care#and who are now getting beholden to the most dictatorial and oligarchical authoritarian government our country has had yet#like does anyone else see the changes in wording and communication and talks that the company and Trump have been making or am I genuinely#just crazy#because this whole fucking society makes me feel like I’m the only one who cares to keep my brain filled with minimum manipulation and#propaganda#THIS IS NOT BEING DONE FOR YOU#THIS IS THEATRICS#DO WE NOT GET YHAT#Like. THIS SHOULD BE A MAJOR RED FLAG#look at the way Zuckerberg and Meta have changed the way they talk#and the things they’ve preemptively done to comply and pacify in advance#and then look at what ByteDance has suddenly started saying in certain days#I am Losing My Mind#GET OUT OF THE OLIGARCHS AND AUTOCRATS POCKETS#I AM BEGGING YOU#PAY ATTENTION TO THE WORDS AND DANCES HAPPENING IN FRONT OF YOUR FACES#maybe I really am crazy#I sound like a conspiracy theorist it’s just that all of this is happening so obviously#am I the only one uncomfortable with this? for real? like#2025#politics and current events#TRUMP AND THE TECH COMPANIES ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND#THEY HAVE NO GOOD IN STORE FOR YOU#AND YOU ARE THEIR CURRENCY AND PRODUCT AND GOAL#PLEASE I BEG YOU THINK ABOUT IT#TRUMP STARTED THE BANNING PROCESS HIMSELF FOR A REASON#Zuckerberg et all are turning into cowards with specific plans for a reason#I am begging you to get out of the manipulation and get out of the line of fire
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cant stop thinkin bout charles and erik readin together on the couch but instead of reading with him charles is listening to eriks thoughts while he reads. Live mind commentary ……..
#xmen#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#the rare time i post an idea of mine only because i really cant think of a way id draw this#usually i hoard my ideas cause i like surprising you guys but this aint really one i feel like drawing so. For You my friends#like i COULD but. idk just isnt particularly something im itching to draw it just seems cute#but anyways no chat let me cook alright hear me out cause i talk in my brain all the time while i read#sometimes i stop reading just to think about a bit i read yeah#i want charles to listen in on all of eriks side comments or observations he makes while reading something#like if he wanted to charles could read the whole book in less than five minutes- maybe shorter than that#and that aint fun that aint cool …. so time for Audible: Husband Edition. With Commentary#ITD BE SO COZY just hangin out by the fireplace …. maybe its snowin outisde … if snow even exists anymore atp#a light fire cracklin and the study SEEMS totally quiet otherwise and yet…..#charles has been locked in to erik’s off-the-cuff literary analysis and mild comments for the past twenty minutes. its simple but its bliss#charles doesnt have to worry about being seen as invasive .. he doesnt have to suppress his powers …#the rare occasion erik lets charles into his mind for somethin so innocent .. ive made myself sick i fear#see now i wanna try writing a fic but 1.) have written in years 2.) id have to really think hard on how erik would commentate on a book#hm…… actually i do wonder what erik’s commentary on The Fable of the Bees would be …..#IN ANY CASE. maybe - at the very least- i can draw cherik by the fireplce someday ….#thatd be cute … hm …. depends on if i get in the mood for it down the line#anyways i have to drive back to my dorm !!! boo !!!! so good night everyone !!!!!
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Do you think Price and Nik would fall low enough to make out on the floor of a random toilet
#im talking blue lighting grafitti on the wall ciggy and ashes remnants everywhere with crumpled receipts#realistically my brain says no bcuz to me they are the luxurious couple#sure they’re make out in the toilet against the wall but the floor is a whole other business#ignoring hygienic issue for raw filth and desire and the need to devour each other’s lips and moans and groans#the cold floor being a grounding space for the two of them - but it barely cools down the spark and frantic fire between then#its hazy its dizzying and its urgent - the carnage and the need for violence all boiling down to lips crushing kisses and bites and hiss#the cold barely does anything to sooth the sheer feralness between two big man - the room feels like it crackles and pops#somebody take my phone away i am yapping nonsense on gawd i need sleep#but i also need two very sheltered and desperate men on the damn floor kissing and making out like its their time doing it#oh maybe that would explain the sheer desperation would it? to the point where they have to descend low enough to chase or cave to it all#gummmyspeaks#nikprice
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Had a giant early morning realization on why I enjoy Gochi as much as I do. (I wrote a lot in this; there's a TLDR at the end but please read through my hopefully-coherent rambling to get full context.)
It's specifically because of how non-conventional they are. They didn't date / go through a courting phase before they got married. They barely knew each other at all in fact. Yet, Goku felt unbothered enough to honor a promise he made as a child, and agreed to go forward with the marriage anyway. Chi Chi stayed committed to Goku's promise, despite how she didn't know him, and literally got his consent as an adult first before they went on.
And they made it work.
I so wish we got to see the 5 years of Goku and Chi Chi living together + the early years of Gohan's youth, but specifically because I would like to see just how they each adapted to their new living situation. But regardless, the fact remains that they STAYED together. Chi Chi for sure would've left Goku if she was that unhappy with how Goku just isn't a conventional guy when it comes to relationships. Going home to her dad and resuming being Fire / Frypan Mountain's Princess was always right there as an option. Hell Chi Chi's been identified as an attractive lady in-universe, so she could probably meet someone new before long! But she didn't take it. IIRC, she never has.
I also feel like Goku would also get up and leave if he was unhappy. He's never had to force himself to sacrifice his own happiness for someone else as he lived on Paozu by himself for years, then spent the rest of his teenhood traveling around & training, so if presented with that kind of scenario he wouldn't think twice before being like "ok whatever, see ya" and just peacing out. He wouldn't see the point in staying, since why would he make himself stay somewhere he isn't welcomed or doesn't feel welcome? Grandpa Gohan's old home was always there for him.
My personal biggest gripes with their relationship have honestly never been because of how they had little chemistry before they got together. For me it's always been about how Chi Chi is just treated like a joke by the writer(s); she follows an angry housewife stereotype. Sure, it's supposed to be a joke and she's supposed to come off as comedic, but it only ends up doing damage because it encourages you as a viewer to not take Chi Chi or her relationship with Goku seriously. (I'm ignoring Goku here, but his writing in DBS *anime wise at least* is atrocious and further fed into this btw.)
Yet, from what I've seen over the years in the western fanbase, people's biggest issues with Gochi (aside from general Chi Chi hatred) is because it isn't a conventional relationship. It had hardly any chemistry going into it. I understand that logic, don't get me wrong, but I only understand it when I factor in society's amatonormative & allonormative lens. And I hate both of those things. Gochi not complying with them is what I find charming about the ship.
They didn't date or establish a super deep bond or whatever, yet they lived together in peace for 5 years. They continued to bounce off of one another throughout Z. Chi Chi NEVER remarried or even dated someone while Goku was dead for 7 years. She was crying happy tears when he finally returned at the end of the Buu saga. Goku was more than happy to go home with her and their kids (and tbh I'm 99.99% sure he wouldn't have minded if Chi Chi chose to get with someone else - he chose to stay dead after all). OBVIOUSLY they care for one another a lot, despite how they married each other as strangers. They themselves are narrative (if that's the right word) proof that conventional love & romance & whatever don't guarantee successful marriages. I adore that.
And it's funny because Vegebul is a pairing that also had little to no chemistry going into it, but unlike with Gochi, the no chemistry actually does hurt it for a couple of reasons (all of them revolving around how Vegeta was/is a terrible person) that I won't get into here because it'll derail this post and it's long enough already. I just wanted to point that out in text myself first, before other people came at me trying to argue it.
Anyway. TLDR Gochi as a ship defies amatonormative & allonormative concepts regarding intimate relationships. "You have to date / court someone first, fall in love with them, then marry them because marriage will make sense & be healthy then." They didn't do the first two parts, but after getting married, they're happy together. They spat in the face of societal norms & expectations.
#gochi#goku x chichi#dragon ball ships#( gochi ironically makes my nonpartnering aroace brain fire off on all cylinders )#( writing this post made me remember )#( on how the funimation dub made goku's confession to chi chi come off as way more romantic )#( than it actually was. in the jpn version; he's literally like ''ok wanna get married?'' and thats it )#( which is the correct depiction of it i feel. they didnt truly love each other going into marriage; so why frame it as if they did )#( but again. they clearly grew to care for one another deeply as time went on )#( what other ships have this kind of beginning; and they still work?? a scattered few; im sure )
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sorry but alicent hightower isn’t “ruined” this season. you people just never understood her in the first place and think of her as something she’s not lmao.
of course she’s a hypocrite, she has been the whole time. her holier than thou persona is a facade. she wants freedom of choice and, with that, sexual liberation. she gets that now with criston at the price of her own shame and guilt tied to her faith, which is real (criston’s faith, at least in the seven, is NOT, but yknow. for another time). her going for what rhaenyra got and what rhaenyra had the freedom to partake in is not character assassination lmao. It’s what’s been set up this whole time. she’s not this saint that she and her stans claim her to be. she’s variably flawed CLEARLY (which is what makes her a good character) but isn’t going to stray away from the exact thing she claims to hate.
“duty and sacrifice” and “honor and decency will prevail” are shown to the viewer to be hypocritical statements. fucking obviously. why did anyone take that at face value LMAO. All those things are what alicent herself has been forced to align with since she was a child made to marry viserys. she wants rhaenyra to ALSO fit that mould and to feel that misery that she’s felt, just as she wishes she had the freedom rhaenyra has. that doesn’t mean she believes in these ideas. she clearly goes against them; that’s her character. she believes that she believes them, but her desire to leave the mould outweighs that time and time again.
to say that she’s an outlandishly different character in s2 after seeing one singular episode is insane. she’s the same. she and criston is not a left field decision, nor is it a particularly bad one, even if it did feel abrupt (which is more a pacing issue). alicent and criston’s joint hypocrisy has been pointed out the entire time. to further highlight it is not bad writing or character ruination. you just didn’t understand them in the first place. Alicent isn’t a blushing nun. she’s a woman whose old decrepit husband is finally dead and now has the freedom she didn’t get at 17.
#idk. tik tok fans piss me off#when I’m in a media illiteracy competition and my opponent is an hotd fan 😵#if some of this doesn’t make sense it’s not my fault I wrote what was in my brain and didn’t edit it#lots of thoughts on criston cole too. if anyone wants those. LOOOOTS. love to hate that stupid evil fuck#rip criston cole u would have loved commenting “mid” on a models ig pic#anyway. Alicent#she just wants freedom. how does no one get that.#what do u think she is like seriously. someone pls tell me. what’s this idea these ppl have of her that make her so ruined this season#ppl saying they felt disgusted just looking at her this season. why. like what am I not getting#genuinely curious. what am I not seeing bc I feel like I understand these characters pretty well#I’m not team green either. and I’m hardly an alicent fan (lying) but I have a deep fascination with her#whatever. don’t piss me off in the comments I’ll just delete the post I’m not interested#Alicent Hightower#alicent hightower meta#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd meta#house of the dragon meta#criston cole#criston cole meta#fire and blood
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I have the brain of a fallow deer i think because when i look at my beloved wrestleboys (or really any incredibly huge buff person) i feel the instinctive response in my brain of holy fuck this guy could eat me. Like i am some sort of prey animal. What's wrong with me. It contributes to the sense of awe when watching the sport but it's also another sign to never ever ever go to real life events lest i bolt in panic and dash in front of a passing Subaru.
#jay talkin#huge doesnt have to mean tall either the guy i am most often thinking abt is nearly 2 inches shorter than me#just buff as shit yknow. but its true u look st ppl like that n yr like holy shit#i rlly havent been around ppl w that kind of physique ever so it kinda awe strikes me n sets off like#the brain firing on so many different weird cylinders#i grew up watching worlds strongest man competitions so its not a NEW sensation i just still think its funny#my little frightened brain goes wow i am looking at an apex predator im gonna get hunted#and i go wow thats so awesome. well anyways i wanna look like him and also fuck him. enjoy that combo of thoughts#i'm like a fallow deer if the deer was fucking faggy as shit and gay for the wolf it glimpsed one time#oh i dont think im making much sense. i feel very woozy the sickness bug got me weird#but yeah yknow sometimes u see giant dudes and u go fucking christ. wow. u are so outside of what everyday ppl around me look like#like i wanna be you i think yr hot i also kind of just wanna compare to u like lemme touch lemme just. see#the difference. yknow. yknow. not even always hornily ok. just curious. but also i feel like u can eat me and thats scary#anyway whatever (runs off embarrased) kyaaaa (trips over own enormous dick and falls into vat of liquid steel)#also no please don't analyse this as 'well its bc yr scared of men' i super am not its not a gender thing#does not apply to my life experiences. i'm scared of deep water and large bouncy castles if theyre enclosed. ok.
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Dess from the Deltarune comic Looking Glasses by @ferronickel, I loved her design at first sight so here's the promised fanart; check out the original comic! It's very much worth the read :D
#ouch brain hurt I'm adding fire to the list of things I don't like to draw#i was a bit more conscious about lighting because of the fire though so that was nice#i think compared to the last time i did something on this scale#i've gotten way less shy about including shadow and light#in that ralsei drawing my shadows were almost too subtle and while it's not perfect here#i think it's a good step :D#this also only took me three days of scattered work#as opposed to two and a half weeks#so i'm starting to learn how to approach these#deltarune#december holiday#dess holiday#the first week in three months where i *don't* have to write an essay and i turn into a crab and hide in my room drawing like it's my cave#feels nice to post something other than a doodle or sketch#haha i almost forgot to add here that i completely forgot to give her teeth#literally the last thing i did before i exported this was give her two white lines for monchers#its such a small area of the picture but apparently it does wonders for not making the character look terrifying
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Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?
actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.
my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.
#sci speaks#i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me.#i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men.#i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring.#also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life.#this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed.#lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say “if you hate each other so much ??”#“why are you together??????????”#i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror.#i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better.#the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified#but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships.#just an observation.#i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but.#of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does.#it makes a difference. it does.#which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say “trans means you feel you were born in the wrong body”#im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me.#i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have.#my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here.#sorry this went off on a tangent.#but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues.#i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous.#i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got.#once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that!#couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.
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Neverland AU when? Give me croc König with mer Kortac only too happy to drown his victims for him and Captain Graves and his crew who will pass you around if they catch you and Lost Boys 141 who use you as the prey in their hunting games immediately actually.
#mhairidrabbles#cod x reader#am I losing my mind?#oh well nothing to do for it#hopefully lemsip makes me feel less like my brain is on fire
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[This sprint’s section is drafted, and it just needs to be polished before being sent to the beta team. Hoping to do that tomorrow, and I’ll report back when it’s sent!]
#lumosfic#lumos#writing update#i think my brain has been toasted over an open fire after that first week and a half of busy season#but we are adjusting#why do i use the royal we in these posts?#probably because it makes me feel less solitary#like we’re all working on this together#i hope you are all safe and well
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I love reading fics where Light is less evil and going through terrible angst and pain because it gives me fuel to then go use my incandescent rage (affectionate) to write my own fics where Light is twice as evil and having the time of his fucking life
#death note#yagami light#light yagami#this specifically about Counterfeit Emotions bc i love that fic its rotating in my brain but GOD it makes me angry#i love fics that make me angry like yes make me FEEL things i am eating the angst whole#this is also specifically about#i hold hands with cosmic entities#simply bc the only reason im still updating regularly is bc i regularly go back and read my favorite rage fics lmao#yes he has been cleansed by the fires of hell now i can give him his deepest desires without guilt#lawlight#...?
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#my brain is full of the fire-alarm-in-next-room of anxiety#Two (extended) family members are probably actively dying#I need to clean house before one of those members comes (back) here to (probably) continue treatment#I need to entirely refigure my like. Life work plans. But feel like I can't while we're coping with family health crisis#And I have been on my period for going on four weeks now#So I also need to snag a same-day apt with my pcp about that#And while it is PROBABLY stress or thyroid or pcos bullshit#The anxiety brain fire alarm is convinced it's cervical cancer#Because what we need right now is a third active cancer diagnosis!#Plus (probably) anemia from 3+ weeks of blood loss is making me hella lethargic#When I need to be cleaning house. And getting up early to get a same day Dr apt.#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
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i love when my nervous system can’t tell the difference between waiting for an appointment and being chased by a man with a gun and a flamethrower
#like why do i feel like this#ITS A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT#i hate my brain i hate my nervous system#this one makes sense for me to be More anxious about but not This anxious about#literally popping propranolol like it’s fucking candy the past two days#i don’t even know if it’s helping i feel like when i’m this far gone it doesn’t even do anything#and it’s making me feel anxious about other stupid shit too#not gonna get into all that but like!!!#why do i feel like every aspect of my life is on fire when i’m literally just waiting for a fucking phone call#i just really really really want to stop stressing about the stupid fucking bmi thing#like how many fucking times have i said it that is THE reason i chose her#she doesn’t have the requirement#WHY WOULD YOU SCHEDULE ME AT THE FACILITY THAT DOES#honestly thank fucking god i haven’t had weight issues in the past lovebodyneutrality#cause like this is causing me so much fucking anxiety i don’t want to lose weight i haven’t wanted to lose weight i currently CANT EVEN#CAUSE MY LEG IS BROKEN#how am i supposed to do Anything to help this situation#literally can do nothing but Try to not think about it but my pure ocd looooves a thought spiral🙃🙃🙃🙃#thinking that i’m helping but thinking it through but nope!! thats actually iust making it so much worse!! those are in fact compulsions!!#and yet i Can’t Stop#chat how to stop thinking about the thing#i cannot distract myself i’ve never been able to distract myself from shit i’m this anxious about#try to watch tv and have to pause and have thought spirals or i’m gonna puke#try to do a hobby but can’t have to stop and have thought spirals or i’ll die#how to stop doing ocd compulsions when the compulsions are Your Thoughts#maybe i need to go back to my psych and try some different meds again#we havent been sure if it is ocd or just autism for like literal years but i’m feeling Pretty Sure..it would make so much sense😭😭😭#maybe i should stop saying that til ik for sure..but like several drs have asked me if i have it😭i just haven’t been able to accept it😭#also that’s not even what this is about why am i stressing about that shut the fuck up omg#i love pissing myself off talking to myself in the tags of my tumblr posts
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