#it makes me ! a little bit sad. anyhow!! i think it is good to think abt these things sometimes !!

[wisterialagoon]

Alastor x Reader - Comfort Fic

Warnings: established relationship, probably ooc alastor, comfort, reader is grabbed (not by alastor) reader curses :P

Btw! Please do send in Hazbin requests, I do sfw and nsfw :)

You had been having a miserable day. You woke up in a sour mood, but the feeling only worsened when you realised you had woken up in bed alone.

Presumably your husband had left early to head to his broadcast studio. You then had several run-ins with the most insufferable sinners throughout your day, but this, this was ridiculous.

You had been standing in the lobby, by the check-in desk trying not to burst into stress tears as a rather tall intimidating demon stood there screaming his lungs out at you.

"I already told you sir, I cant get you a room unless you want to be redeemed, this isn't a normal hotel," you stress to the demon before you.

He unfortunately doesn't take the refusal well, gripping the collar of your favourite dress, ripping it slightly.

The demon has you in a strong hold pulling his face right up to yours, you grimace at his breath brushing your face. Your feet barely reaching the floor anymore.

"Sir you need to let go of me now!" you damn near shriek in fury. The commotion catches the attention of a few of the hotels residents, the demon finally drops you when he realises he's drawn a crowd, opting to leave before things went south for him.

"Y/N!" You hear Charlie's panicked yell as she comes up to you, helping you to your feet, "Are you okay? D-do you need anything, I'll have Vaggie deal with that demon don't worry!"

"Its alright Charlie," You steady yourself, taking a deep breath, "just give me the rest of the afternoon off, yeah?"

"Of course, please, go rest."

With that you head off to your room, you pull off your dress and get into your night gown. You inspect the collar of your dress to see it in tatters, this unfortunately was your tipping point.

You're now sitting in the middle of the bed crying your eyes out, clutching your dress. You're so in your feelings, you don't even notice Alastor has slipped in until hes sitting next to you and pulling you into his arms.

You still for a moment but ease into the embrace, soaking his shirt in your tears.

When you had calmed down a bit Alastor cups your face, making you look into his eyes, "Charlie told me what happened my dear, I do wonder why you didn't make that wretched sinner pay, hmm? You're more than capable." He tilts his head, a questioning look in his eyes.

"I didn't want to cause a scene and bring a bad reputation to the hotel, sinners should want to come here," you sniffle.

"Au contraire my dear, you shouldn't be afraid to kill those that wrong you, if demons fear you, it keeps them in their place! Anyhow, what's done is done, I'm more concerned with the fact that my, usually very dauntless wife is crying all on her own." Alastor taps your nose gently.

"Bad day, bad, terrible, awful day Al," tears begin to flood your eyes again just thinking about it.

Alastor chuchles softly as he pulls you to straddle his lap, softly running his fingers through your hair. "Oh you poor sweet thing," He listens carefully as you recount your day to him.

"And to top it off, t-that dickless bastard tore my favourite dress" you finish, words getting caught between your sobs.

"Oh don't you worry your pretty little head about that, I'll have it mended in a jiff, instead, worry about what you'll wear Tonight!"

You look up at him curiously, "Tonight?"

"Well of course I'm treating you to a perfect night out, I can't in good conscious let my sweet wife wallow in her sadness all night can I?"

You perk up at this. Your husband is a busy demon, its not often you get him all to yourself. "The whole night?" you say with big eyes.

"You'll have my complete undivided attention all night long my dear!"

You jump up at this, racing to find an outfit all while Alastor happily watches you showing him different dresses, shoes and jewellery.

He makes a mental note to quickly pop out and find the demon that laid his hands on you, Vaggie was so kind as to provide him with a description.

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

We'll give it a shot

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles, day 30/31

Prompt: New year's resolutions

Rated: G

CW: aftermath of injury; aftermath of trauma

Tags: Established relationship; recovery; fluff

Notes: Continued from days 3 and 18 - @house-of-the-moving-image and I just wanted them to be happy after all we put them through. 😭❤️

Steve has always been all movement, all fluid grace, for as long as Eddie remembers. On the pitch, in the pool. Shielding others with his own body, his strength. He was proud of this. It was the one thing he knew he was good at.

And then Vecna nearly twisted his limbs from his body. Broke his arm in three different places, his leg in five.

“They say I'll need to be patient,” Steve tells Eddie a few months after everything, hands tangled over the middle console of the van. It's late December and they're on their way back from physical therapy. “Could be months before I walk without crutches. Years maybe before I'm back to the way I was before… or close.”

Eddie clenches his free hand around the steering wheel, like Steve clung to that stupid handrail earlier. White-knuckled and pale-faced, jaw locked tight as he struggled to take a few shaky steps. Not for the first time, he wishes that he'd been faster, pulled him out sooner-

“Eds.”

He snaps back to the present as if pulled by a bungee rope. Steve’s eyes are warm and soft.

“Stop it,” he says, gentle and firm and so very strong, so very Steve. Eddie needs to swallow against the sudden thickness clogging his throat. “You've nothing to hold against yourself. You saved me.”

“You saved yourself,” Eddie huffs, eyes stubbornly trained on the snowy road. “I helped, is all. You can do this, too. You'll be walking in no time, you just wait.”

“Dunno,” Steve mutters. He sounds so small, so broken, so very much not like himself, and Eddie wishes he could resurrect Vecna, simply to kill him again. Make it more painful this time, let him suffer like he made them suffer. “You saw me just now. Feels like I need to fight forever for every little inch of success.”

“Let's make a deal?”

The words are out before Eddie can think better of it, but the sadness on Steve’s face has given way to curiosity, so he shoulders on.

“We could make it a new year's resolution. If you manage to walk by … July, let's say, I'll quit smoking.”

“Oh, please!” Steve's eyebrow quirks. “As if you could.”

“Of course I could. I'm tired of you whining about my cigarette breath anyhow. What's wrong, big boy? Scared of getting your ass handed to you?”

“Fuck off,” Steve grouses, but his mouth is curling into a smile and his eyes are sparkling. “It's on, dude!”

“Hell, yeah!” Eddie makes no attempt at hiding his smug grin. Count on Steve’s competitive streak to win him over. “It's so on!”

*

“Oh God,” Steve squawks the second his hands lose contact with the crutches. “It's off. Eds, it's off, give’m here.”

“Nuh-uh!” Eddie dances a step back - not far, still close enough to catch Steve in case he falls, but far enough to keep the crutches out of reach. “Just give it a shot, c’mon. You got this.”

Over the distance between them, their eyes meet.

“I've gotcha.”

Steve's eyes light up and a small laugh bubbles from his throat.

And then he walks.

Eddie makes sure to stay a bit ahead, spouting a never-ending string of encouragement and jokes and sweet nonsense. Just keeps talking so that Steve can focus on something other than the fear and the doubt. Guides him with his voice like he's done before, like he'll keep doing for as long as Steve needs, as long as he wants.

The first steps are unsure and wobbly, but soon enough, Steve finds his footing. They've both kicked off their shoes, and the dry summer grass is brittle under their naked feet, the earth soft and warm. The sound of their footfalls mingles with the whirr of the cicadas in the grass, the rush of his own blood in his ears, their mingled laughter, a gorgeous, wonderful symphony of alive, alive, alive.

When Steve’s legs give out and he stumbles, Eddie is there. He cushions their fall with his own body and they go down in a tangle of limbs and laughter, lips meeting before they even hit the ground. The crutches go clattering somewhere to the side.

“I did it!” Steve gasps against his mouth, and Eddie can't tell if the sound is more laugh or more sob. “Shit, did you- did you see that? I did it!”

“You did it,” Eddie rumbles, hands in Steve's hair, kissing his lips and nose and eyes and anything he can reach between words. Both their cheeks are wet with tears, but they're good tears, finally good tears, and he can’t tell whose they are anymore. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that they’re alive, and here, and together. “Fuck yeah, you did, always knew you would. So strong, so amazing. Love you so much.”

Steve makes another sound, a raw thing so full of emotion it makes Eddie’s heart flutter, and crashes their lips together again, firmer, longer. Eddie sighs as a hesitant tongue coaxes at his lips, opens up, lets him in.

And then Steve groans and pulls back.

“What?” Eddie asks, insides twisting with worry. “Shit, did you hurt yourself? What-”

“‘m fine!” Steve wheezes, glancing up at him with watery eyes. “You just taste like an ashtray, is all.”

“Oh, c'mon!” Eddie grouses while Steve rolls off him, flops onto his back in the grass. “I had like half a cig this morning.”

“Half a cig too much, then,” Steve beams up at him, all glinting teeth and gold-streaked hair in the sunlight, eyes sparkling with mirth and alive, alive, alive. “I win.”

Eddie pouts. “What though? Can't remember agreeing on a prize, this was all fun and-”

One strong, nimble hand tangles in the collar of his shirt, pulls him in.

“Shut up and kiss me, ash breath.”

Eddie has never obeyed an order more gladly in his life.

All my holiday drabbles

[auset66]

A theme I want to discuss is Ambitions engulfing the native. Riches to Rags can we say or spiritual Liberation? ⭕️❔️

Let's dive into this black hole 🕳 🏊‍♀️

Starting with the kdrama "Anna" staring Bae Suzy can someone explain why it looks very either jyestha or Purva bhadrapada and nothing in between?

Yet again it gives me same vibes as the famous horror movie "pearl" staring Mia Goth?

And no not just "vibes" it's the same message I feel just different fonts. Pearl feels more like a bit straight up reckless while Anna on the other hand feels more structured able to handle it all inside. Same like Griffith from "berserk" anime.

Yet all three of them have same inside feelings.... something they want, something material Related to world. A sense of hole, insecurity, FEAR they want to run away from and for that they can go to any lenghts making World turning against them till they become the monster they can no longer hold? No I don't feel that with yohan from "monster" anime or "light" from death note. I don't know why or what makes all of them same yet so different. All three of them wanting something big for themselves they did worked for it hard then why only them getting beaten by villian arc and dead end so bad? Turning their dream into death bed? (Metaphorically).

And I have two more example for my bollywood lovers. Wanna hear it? "Rockstar" though his journey was more of like good boy to liberation very Jupiter like straight up. Though still I think it has some of it... a bit...here and there.

Though Another one being "Dirty Picture" staring Vidya balan, is something I feel same message yet again. A rebellious countryside girl having strict parents and low on money dreaming of being the super star. She runs away from home and achieves immense success in the male-dominated film industry. Crawling her way on top. However, this exacts a heavy price from her. Slowly, she loses her innocence, sanity, familial bonds and at the end her life too.

Three more examples actually with the same theme. One being Kdrama "sky castle" and other two being real life case of:

1. Indrani Mukerjea and 2. Harshad Mehta

One fairytale yet toned down version of it (according to me) I feel is Ariel from "The Little Mermaid" with her wanting to experience the land world with legs which is unthinkable straight up. Then achieving it somehow anyhow selling her TRUTH (her voice) and getting to her ambitions walking on "stairs of lies" and "other bad means" (getting help from ursula) After achieving it finally it all shattering yet again. But in this the native overcome and come out victorious as opposed to other examples where it ends with either severe punishment or someone's death or making the native villain. 🌋

Now i know all these examples vary a bit from each other, some extreme to others some toned down but they still have the same theme and message. 📜.

An ambitious native wanting the world due to knowing the reality of it all from a very early age, with chaotic dark past and harsh childhood. They do everything they can to run away from it, not wanting to face the same reality again. The "FEAR" always is there, like their past life will come and drag them back to hell. This (most of the time material things) even though can be out of reach almost unthinkable they work hard very hard for it, their world around this dream based on LIES AND OTHER BAD WAYS, USING OF PEOPLE. just before they can fully achieve it or just after they feel like they finally got it. ALL SHATTERS. Most of the time giving a sad ending to the native making them the villain.

I don't know you tell me what do you think? What nakshtra is this? And why? And what's the actual message here? I don't understand myself fully. Because Jyestha isn't supposed to die down by its weight of ambitions and Purva Bhadrapada isn't supposed to even run towards these "validations" in the first place it all comes natural to them. [Technically].

Could it be Vishakha cause I have seen many male celebs suffering big time with law, making them go from Richs to Rags and many severe consequences. But then again if it is, then why not women? Cause I don't see this theme with vishakha women. 🌬⚓️

Or could it be Mrigashira wanting to run away from source as much as it can to experience full on freedom? 🎡🌆

Or could it be Ardra because of not just rahu (the influence of rahu beyond right and wrong) but because of first time experiencing rahu (own mind opinons thinking and luxury)? Thats why only ardra i dont see that theme being in other two (swati and shatabhisha). Just more or less "same" journey as lucifer.🌪⚡️

Or could it be simply just their karma and Saturn now getting back at them? 🪐🎠

So I am yet again confused, It did hit me just now. Like man that's life of a hell. ☄️🗑

[skenpiel]

this post was meant as a joke but this is genuinely like the sweetest thing ever thank u

one of the saddest things in the world is that im like, obscenely pretty irl and most of you will never even get to know. im so pretty my little sister talks about it whenever she sees me and irl i get more compliments on my looks than like anything else i think and you guys will never know. and its really sad what youre missing out on

[flyinghassassin]

Do you love her more than me?

Summary: "Are you cheating on me?"/ "What? I could never."

Word count: 1800ish

Warnings: Angst-y,fluff,no beta'd 'cos Im sick

Masterlist

"We can't let Natasha know," Wanda said, panting.

"I know Wanda, I know, but I don't want to lie to her face," you answered, panting as well.

"It's the only way." "If Natasha ever finds out, she'll be so fucking mad at us."

"Just go faster, okay?" "Now we shouldn't be thinking about her."

"I'm going as fast as I can."

"I'll grab your hand so you go faster; we can't miss the bus!" You said,grabbing Wanda's hand and walking faster,making her follow you.

"I see the bus stop, Y/N; it's there," said Wanda, pointing to the sign marking the bus stop.

Just then, you saw the bus start to approach, so you pulled Wanda's hand and started to run faster, managing to get to the bus in time.

You quickly went to the back of the bus and gasped for breath.

"I really hope Nat likes the surprise, or I'll kick your ass for almost dislocating my shoulder," said Wanda, rubbing the affected area.

"I'm sure she'll love it. A puppy is precious. When she grows up, she can play with Fanny!" You said, your eyes sparkling with excitement.

"It would be nice to see them play," said Wanda, smiling. "But that doesn't take away from the fact that you owe me one for almost ripping my shoulder out."

"Sure, Wanda, I'll buy you lunch tomorrow. Anyhow, we had already planned to meet up."

"Sounds good to me," hummed Wanda in agreement.

"Well, the animal shelter is a bit far away, so it will still be a while before we get there."

"It's okay.  "Get some rest, Y/N; you look like a truck ran over you."

"Ha,ha, ha, very funny, Wanda," you said sarcastically. "Having to do three reports in one night is not a very beneficial thing for my sleep schedule."

"Your sleep schedule is nonexistent."

You grumbled and leaned your head on Wanda's shoulder.

"Wake me up when we're getting there."

Wanda nodded and gave you a kiss on the cheek.

"Rest."

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You were awakened by Wanda's insistent shaking.

"Wake up; we're about to arrive."

You grunted and rubbed your eyes in an attempt to wake up.

"Look Y/N,the kennel is that way," said Wanda, pointing at a colorful sign. "Quite a colorful sign; it certainly catches the eye," she added, smiling.

"Yes," you replied. "Now all I need to do is drink coffee and look at those little fur balls."

When you reached the bus stop, you got off the bus and headed for the kennel.

Once inside, you got a coffee from the machine while you waited for the owner to show up.

"You must be Wanda and Y/N, right?" said a friendly voice. "I'm Linda; welcome to Little Paws Kennel; come on in and we'll show you the animals we have for adoption," said Linda, gesturing for you to follow her.

With a set of keys,she opened a door,and you entered a large outdoor courtyard where the dogs were playing.

"Wanda,look how cute they are!" You said, tugging at her arm "They are the cutest thing I've ever seen".

"I thought the cutest thing you've ever seen was me," said Wanda with false sadness.

"You're close," you replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek and making Wanda smile. "Which one do you think Nat will like the best?"

"How about that golden retriever over there?" "I think they'd make a good pair; Nat can be very grumpy, and the dog is a ball of energy."

"Totally!" you said, laughing. "They'll make an excellent couple."

You walked over to the little dog and started petting her.

"Hi little guy, would you like to come home with me? You'll have a great time." You smiled, stroking her soft fur and making the dog bark excitedly and lick your hands. "Look, Wanda, I think she likes me!"

Wanda laughed and came up next to you to pet the dog.

"So you chose her?" said Linda. "Excellent; she's one of our smallest dogs. Her mother died recently,so she could use someone to be with."

You nodded and took the dog in your arms, carrying it to the counter to formalize the whole process.

Once you were finished, you put him in his carrier and went to the bus stop to go home.

"You take the dog, Wands; I want it to be a surprise."

Wanda nodded, and you waited for the bus to arrive.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a while, you came home and opened the door.

"Nat, honey, I'm home!" you shouted.

When there was no answer, you went to the kitchen and looked to see if you could see her. You didn't see her, but there was a tupperware with a note stuck to it and food inside.

You uncovered the tupperware, and the smell of food flooded your nostrils. You grabbed the note and read it:

"Y/N,detka I left this for you. Homemade food,just the kind you like

You smiled and went to the bathroom to change into more comfortable clothes for dinner. You quickly finished the food Natasha had made for you and left the tupperware in the sink.

You went to the living room to see if you could see her,and you could. She was lying on the couch with a blanket covering half of her body while snoring lightly.

"Hello, my love," you said, kissing her forehead.

Natasha hummed and pulled you closer.

"It took you long enough to come; were you too entertained by work?"

"Uhm yeah" you stammered "work can be a bitch".

"Tell me about it," Natasha laughed. "Fury has an obsession with making me fill out reports."

"You want to go to bed? It's better than sleeping on the couch."

"I don't want to get up," Natasha grumbled.

"Don't worry about it," you said, scooping her up in your arms and carrying her to the bed.

You opened the door with your foot and tucked her into bed while you lay down next to her.

"Good night, Nat. Sleep well," you said, giving her a kiss.

"Good night, detka."

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"You should stop sending so much work to Y/N,Fury; yesterday they came home super late and they looked really tired."

"Natasha, yesterday Y/N asked for the day off." They said they had "business to attend to." "Didn't they tell you?"

"Uhh, no, they might have forgotten,although it's not something they usually do."

"Ask them. Natasha,I have to leave you; I have business to attend to," said Fury, hanging up.

Natasha frowned. It wasn't like you forgot to tell her those things. If you had a day off, you liked to spend it together.

"Y/N,detka, "Fury just told me you didn't go to work yesterday."

"Ehh,that's right. Sorry,  honey, I was wrong," you said, moving closer to her to give her a kiss. "I wasn't very focused."

Natasha nodded and kissed you back.

"We can eat together today."

"Uh,sorry Nat,I promised Wanda I'd eat with her today."

"Oh, ok, no worries," Natasha said.

You nodded and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"I'll see you later," you said, leaving your house.

Natasha couldn't get rid of the insecurity coursing through her veins.

First you didn't tell her you had the day off, then you went to lunch with Wanda, and you'd been more distant for a couple of days, which made Natasha a little afraid.

On a hunch, she decided to call Fury.

"Hey, Fury, do you know if Wanda took the day off yesterday too?"

"Mmh,let me see... Yes, she did. She said she had to do certain things. She wasn't very specific. Why do you ask?"

"No reason, thanks, Fury," Natasha said, and she hung up the phone.

Were you cheating on her? Natasha couldn't help but let her mind think the worst. Her insecurities and her fear that you would leave her for Wanda were growing. She sighed and went to bed. She climbed into bed,seeking comfort in sleep.

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Meanwhile, you were at Wanda's house, playing with the little puppy, stroking her hair, and sorting out all the toys you had bought for her.

"Y/N, I think we've overdone it; we've bought her too many things."

"Don't say that, Wands. How can you say no to such a little face?" you said, holding the dog so she could see how cute she was.

"You're right." Wanda smiled slightly. "Her secret weapon is being too cute".

"This afternoon we'll take her to Nat; I'm sure she'll love her".

"Let's hope so."

Hours passed until it was time to present the dog to Natasha.

In a bag, they put all the toys, while Wanda hid her in her backpack, leaving it slightly open so that the puppy could breathe.

You went upstairs smiling, grabbing Wanda's shoulder, and laughing at the jokes she made.

You opened the door and met Natasha, who was looking at you seriously.

"Hey, hi love, what's up?" You said it nervously.

"Hi Y/N," replied Natasha. "Wanda," she said, greeting her with a nod,which she returned with a wave of her hand.

"Another day off with Wanda, huh? It seems a little strange to me."

"What are you talking about, Nat? Wanda is my friend," you defended yourself.

"Oh yeah? And why are you so late because Wanda takes the same days off as you? Why have you been so distant for a few days?" said Natasha, on the verge of tears.

"Nat, it's not what you think; Wanda and I are nothing."

"And you expect me to believe that? You've been super weird for days; what do you expect me to believe,huh? That I don't..."

Her voice was cut off by a bark.

"What's that?" asked Natasha.

"It was going to be a surprise for you, Nat," you said, pulling the puppy out of the backpack. "Happy first anniversary," you added, handing her the dog. "Wanda and I were just getting everything ready."

Natasha looked on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry! "I thought you were cheating on me, that you didn't love me anymore," she said, tears starting to well up in her eyes.

The puppy didn't seem to like that and started licking her face, trying to cheer her up, which caused a chuckle.

"You're so cute,little girl," she said, stroking his fur gently.

"I'll leave you two lovebirds alone; enjoy the dog," said Wanda. "See you."

Once Wanda had left, Natasha rushed over to you, hugging you tightly.

"I'm sorry,really, detka. I thought you didn't love me anymore,that I wasn't enough for you."

"Hey,hey, don't say that, Nat; you're amazing; I love you; and it would never cross my mind to hurt you."

Natasha nuzzled against your chest,seeking comfort in your warmth.

"What name would you like to give her, Nat?"

"How about Festus? "It's Latin for festive,because the surprise made me really happy."

"You're such a nerd," you said, laughing and hugging her. "I think it's a perfect name, sweetie."

Natasha smiled.

"I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, Nat."

Festus barked

"We love you too, little one".

[fourmula1]

thinking about a maxiel take on good luck, babe! by chappell roan where daniel is scared to commit to max despite the fact that they’ve been sleeping together for like, a couple years at this point, and that includes actual sleeping. spending the night. ordering food. laying on the couch together. 

but it’s not SERIOUS, right. it’s convenient. they travel the world for work and it’s just easier this way to have someone always there to take care of each other’s needs. it’s just blowing off steam and getting a primal need met. that’s all. right? a person needs to be touched and they’re such good friends as it is and it’s just easy to translate that to the bedroom. the hotel room. the private jet. 

and max has kind of tried to broach the topic a couple of times now. putting a label in this. exclusivity. they have such incredible chemistry in and out of the bedroom and max is ready to make this more serious than it’s been.

and Daniel’s like ‘ahh maxy you’re so young don’t settle down this is all good fun yeah?’

and max has heard daniel say something along those lines so many times and each time he just brushes it aside and carries on because it’s really nice to fall into bed with daniel and forget it all when they’re sweaty and spent and basking in the afterglow.

but it gets to be too much at one point, doesn’t it? max doesn’t want to break up (can he even call it that if they were never together to begin with?) but like. they have been. label or not. so he tells daniel that he doesn’t want to keep sleeping together if that’s all it is (and he knows that isnt all it is but daniel is scared and ashamed of himself and it used to be sad but now max is over it). 

so he cuts daniel loose. but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t see and hear things. they run in all the same circles and he’s heard stories about daniel sleeping around and driving to Nice to hit up gay bars and kiss and fuck all kinds of pretty boys and it fucking hurts every time max hears another anecdote but that’s life, isn’t it?

and max minds his own business and eventually he meets a really nice guy in monaco who isn't involved in racing at all. he’s just normal and nice and into max and going on dates and cooking dinner for him and happy to welcome max home during time between races and it’s good! it’s good. max is happy (as he can be. he’s pretty sure daniel is always going to be the one who got away but that’s just it, isn’t it? daniel wanted to get away and max had to let him).

so it’s two years later and daniel retired a year ago and fucked off to australia and max hasn’t seen him since and he hasn’t really thought of him in months either because: he’s getting married to his nice normal boyfriend who tells max he loves him openly and happily (something he never got from daniel). max is retiring the end of this season and though his boyfriend has been an open secret he’s officially come out for real in the sports illustrated story about his retirement and what he’s planning to do (“lots of eating good food and wedding planning!” and the journalist asks how that’s going and max says “always he asks me about this flower or that colour palette and I anyhow don’t care so much but it’s nice to look forward to the day”). 

and daniel of course hears about the one little pronoun, the “he” heard ‘round the world and he gets obliteratedly wine drunk on the farm and he calls max at whatever ungodly hour it is in australia and it’s he first time they’ve spoken in over a year and max didn’t expect to hear from daniel ever again really but now he’s suddenly stuck trying to talk him off a ledge basically and max, bitterly, tells daniel “there was a time i wanted to be doing all of this with you and you always with the excuses ruined it" and daniel chokes on a sob and max reels back a bit when daniel says “I know” because daniel admitting that was never on his bingo card ever.

but max knows, too. daniel did this to himself. to them. 

and max is getting married next month on summer break and daniel’s going to see pictures on instagram and throw his phone against a wall and be alone and hating himself for hating himself so much that he lost the only man he ever loved and no amount of regret is going to change the way max’s beautiful fucking face was lit up in a brighter, happier way than daniel’s ever seen in those fucking photos of his wedding day, kissing his husband in front of their friends and family and the fucking world.

and daniel is a world away in australia. drunk. and crying. and alone. staring at the dusty dirt road and into the horizon - vast and empty. just like him, now.  

[themuselesswriter]

A Day in a Demon Pig's Life

Characters: Fat Nugget, Angel Dust, Husk, mention of Cherri Bomb and Valentino

Summary: Fat Nuggets tries to describe a day in his life

Word count: 1046

Warnings: implied abuse, implied slavery, implied prostitution

A/N: so... I did something instead of sleeping .-.

Credits: photos from Pinterest, editing app is picsart

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I woke up at the sound of Angel preparing to leave, he was already at the vanity mirror, fixing his looks, he is a beautiful man, I don’t understand why he spends so much time fixing his looks into a perfection, practicing different smiles and most importantly, wiping all the tears, he seems sad, he always does, although never mean or evil, he never mistreated me so I have that at least. 

I know things were rough for him, I’ve seen how that… Valentino treats him with insignificance, as if he owns him, I heard Angel say a couple of times that he did own him, partially, and that he hates what he has to do for him, that he hates being touched and violated by him and everyone else on the set, which I didn’t understand at all.

I mean, I understand that he owns him, it means he looks after him right? Like the way Angel owns me and takes care of me, maybe he’s a bad owner? Maybe he doesn’t fill his bowl with food before he leaves or doesn’t take him on enough walks? Or doesn’t pet him? But the rest I don’t understand though, he usually mumbles this stuff while he’s calling Cherri on the phone while sobbing.

He noticed that I was awake so he walked to me and put on a genuine smile, a smile that I’ve only noticed around a couple of people, me, Cherri, and the bartender, what was his name? Husk! Yeah, I think his name is Husk, anyhow, he scratches behind my ears and I roll and do some tricks for him which seems to cheer him up, I earned a giggle from him “such a good boy” he tells me and kisses my head and leaves. 

The rest of the day is pretty dull, I eat, sleep, explore, play with Razzle and Dazzle, spy on the egg boys and repeat. 

It was almost midnight when Angel returned, I was laying on my bed next to his, I lifted my head up and looked at him, he was a mess, he was obviously crying, and he… he seemed hurt, yeah, he had bruises on his body and marks, he laid on bed and curled into himself, sobbing into his pillow, I hopped into his bed and looked at him a little worried, I walked to him and licked his nose, it usually cheers him up but not this time, no, this seemed to make things worse, he pulled me into a hug and kept sobbing, only now he picked up his phone and aggressively started calling Cherri who didn’t answer for whatever reason which only made things worse. 

I was getting beyond worried, I’ve never seen him like this before, he needed someone, not just anyone, someone who he looks at in a loving way, and if it’s not me or Cherri, that leaves us with… I slithered my way out of his grip and went out of his room, he didn’t seem to notice me, I rushed towards the bar where the bird cat resided, drinking from his endless bottle, I squeaked but he didn’t pay me attention, so I hopped on a stool then on the table, he didn’t pay me attention either. 

I saw a couple of glasses on the bar and I had a difficult decision to make, I gulped and ran fast, making all the glasses fall and shatter “hey! You little shit!” he said angrily, I looked at him horrified, I bit his hand, he screamed in pain, he looked at me wickedly, I gulped and ran, he followed me then stopped, I stopped too and looked at him pleadingly, squeaking, he looked at me as if his anger disappeared and instead was replaced with complete confusion, I went to him and bit his pants, trying to drag him, he didn’t move an inch “what do you want you filthy animal” I kept trying to drag him and gesture him towards Angel’s room, eventually he gave up once he saw how persistent I was and decided to follow me, this time, we walked together. 

Once we reached Angel’s door, I opened it enough so I can enter again and he can peak at him, I hopped into Angel’s bed and looked at him pleadingly, he seemed frozen, those demons are idiots, I swear it, I walked to him and bit his pants again, trying to drag him in “I can’t little fella… I… he didn’t invite me” I insisted “what if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he doesn’t want to be seen like this?” he tried to reason but I was hotheaded, I kept desperately trying to drag him inside. 

“Fat Nugget?” I heard Angel’s broken voice calling me, I stopped and turned to look at him, he must’ve seen Husk too because the other’s pupils were wide and he seemed stuck in time, either from embarrassment or from seeing Angel like this “what are you doing here?” he asked Husk “your little rascal shattered my glasses” Husk gulped nervously, Angel seemed disappointed, and let out a little oh, I walked back to Angel and sat next to him, he seemed to have calmed down but he was definitely still in a shaken up state, he sniffs and tries to hide his bruises and traces of tears “well… I’ll get you new ones tomorrow on my way back from work” he said casually, hugging his legs. 

Husk grew a bit bolder as he took a step inside the room “you… you’re okay kid?” he asked Angel who looked at him shocked, their eyes met for a moment, which was more than enough time for Angel to break down into tears again, Husk rushed to him, and we both cuddled him on the bed until he calmed down, Husk being more careful than me as his touches seemed well-studied and hesitant, while me, I kept licking his face and tears away once he laid down in fetus position, it was a rough night for him, that I can tell but by the morning he seemed to be back into his natural self, that’s one of the things I love about him, he always knows how to rebound. 

[presidenthades]

⚠️HOtD season 2 ep. 4 spoilers⚠️

Your thoughts on this ep🎤?!

Adding my two cents: SUNFYRE AND AEGON WERE SO CUTE, but wtf was that fight🧍🤨 Aemond bbg wtf?? Anyhow, cuties:

TLDR: I’m not even mad anymore, I’m just disappointed (by the writing, per usual; the rest of the show is fine). I’m mostly still on the S2 boat because of the little moments like Sunny and Egg. It makes for great fanfic fuel!

Honestly, this was Criston’s best episode of the entire season so far. Getting him away from Alicent and putting him on the battlefield showcases his better qualities. Also, I love his interactions with Gwayne, it gives me life. Would totally watch a spinoff series where the two of them go on side quests.

I feel like the Harrenhal scenes aren’t super important narratively and the screentime could’ve been devoted to other characters. HOWEVER. The Harrenhal bits are just so fun to watch that I can’t really complain. TBH, it feels like Daemon is getting the best writing (in terms of character arc and narrative coherence) of all the main cast. But uh…one does wonder why he drinks a random-ass potion from a witch lady who just told him he’s gonna die at Harrenhal. (Speaking of whom, I am greatly enjoying Alys Rivers. I’m glad they haven’t made her a femme fatale. She’s just weird. Joff would love her.)

Opinion: they got rid of Kermit Tully and made Oscar the heir because the show wants to minimize Muppet memes. Very sad. 😔

If you’re following my blog, then you know I’m an Aegon fan, so I acknowledge I’m probably biased. But all of the Greens are just shitting on Aegon this episode, holy cow. I totally understand Aemond being snotty and excluding Aegon from schemes; even in the most generous interpretation of their brotherly relationship, they’re often at odds and Aemond looks down on Aegon. But Cole is the Hand of the King, not the Hand of Aemond. Even if Cole is on the front lines, he should be including Aegon.

Alicent has just completely lost the sympathetic traits she possessed in S1. I’ve never thought of her as an especially good mother, but she did love her children—definitely Aemond and Helaena, and there were the “do you love me” and standing between Aegon and the dragon scenes. She also seems to have forgotten that she was one of the people yelling at Aegon to step up and take the crown, and now she wants to hit the reverse button. 🙄 S2 Alicent is not the same character as S1 Alicent, and even S1 Alicent varied from episode to episode. For fic purposes, I’m just completely ignoring what the show writers are doing with her because it makes no sense.

I think TGC would’ve killed a scene where he gets to speak more fluent High Valyrian, but it makes sense that Aegon isn’t good at speaking it. Aegon has never been the scholarly sort, and High Valyrian (if you’ve been trying it on duolingo like me) is not an intuitive language for English-only speakers. I do think Aegon should’ve learned more dragon commands at least, but apparently Sunfyre decided to be the world’s first bilingual dragon and learn common tongue for Aegon’s sake. :3 At this point I’m convinced that Sunfyre is the only living creature who actually unconditionally loves Aegon. No wonder Aegon is messed up.

Back in Driftmark: we finally get confirmation of who the Hull boys are! Not explicitly, but it’s hard to deny that they’re Corlys’s kids like in the book. I kinda wish we got more scenes with Rhaenys talking about/interacting with them though. She seems to have had complicated feelings about the boys.

Visually, the battle was amazing to watch. Some of the best shots I’ve seen during the entire show. But, as I often complain about, the characters’ actions don’t make sense. If you’ve been on social media, then you’re probably aware that Aemond attacking Aegon has been very controversial, and for good reason. I cannot comprehend the Aemond stans (I’m an Aemond fan, but I’m very aware that he’s a flawed character who can act stupidly sometimes) who refuse to acknowledge that this was NOT a good move. Vhagar is a formidable dragon but she can’t win a 1 v 4 against Caraxes, Syrax, Vermax, and Moondancer (and those aren’t even all the dragons the Blacks will eventually have). Vhagar could take out some of the other dragons, but she’s definitely dying in a battle like that. So no, this was not a smart or strategic action on Aemond’s part, at all.

It could be explained as an action taken in the heat of the moment, with Aemond overcome by adrenaline and his anger toward Aegon. But we just saw Aemond two episodes ago being sad about killing Luke, against whom he held a grudge for years because of his eye. Aegon is his brother, and their interactions in S1E8 indicated that even if they’re not besties, they do operate on the same wavelength. Aegon was an idiot for making fun of Aemond in S2E3, but that should not have pushed Aemond over the edge to attempted fratricide/regicide.

At least Cole and Sunfyre care about Aegon, since clearly nobody else does. 🥲 *author shoves a Jacaera toward Aegon*

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 26

Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note.

We. Are. Back!!

It's been almost six months!! 😶 Motivation comes and goes, but I'm very happy to be posting again. Like I said in a comment on Ao3, this book is too special to me to ever abandon. Thank you for your patience!! 💙

When Rick kicks the stool out from under Jim's feet, there's a simple crunch sound, and then he's dead.

I watch from afar as his body dangles from the rafters like a doll filled with sand, wondering why I thought it would be louder. It feels like I can breathe again. As if I've had a noose of my own wrapped around my throat until this very moment. Jim's dead. He ain't a threat. Just dead and dangling. Silence pours out across the farm. It feels strangely comforting; a hug from somebody you thought you didn't like.

I know Dale would disagree. I don't gotta ask to know he didn't want this.

If he weren't under six feet of dirt and bugs right now, I think I'd tell him I'm sorry.

Not just for Jim having to die, but also for being angry. He knew it never did nobody any good to be angry. If I hadn't told Carl to leave that muddy walker alone, wanting it to suffer and pay for some crime weren't even its fault, then maybe Dale would still be here.

I kinda realize in this moment that I don't care if dead people don't gotta see bad things. Because Dale ain't get to see the good things anymore, either. Like books and soup. Hugs, jokes. The baby, once it's born. Neither does Momma or Sophia or Shane.

It's like Jim said. I should be dead by now. On account of all laws of nature and chance, I should be long dead.

But obviously, I ain't.

And I'd be a stupid, silly, brainless little girl to not think that makes me at least a little bit lucky.

As I fiddle with the metal buckle of my overalls, Dad and Rick carry Jim outta the shed, their hands hooked around the dead man's armpits and ankles. Carol's probably thinking something like, He's with his loved ones now. But I ain't Carol, and I don't believe in heaven, so all I'm thinking is, I hope it didn't hurt. I've never had my neck snapped before, so I wouldn't know. They shuffle over to the pile of wood and walker bodies, tossing him on top, dusting their hands off on their pants. They's gonna burn him. No graves for them that ain't family.

Good. We have enough of those, anyway.

Dad and Rick turn away from the pile, their faces largely blank.

Before they can see me, I stand from my spot near the fence and scurry away, because I know I'm not meant to be watching.

That morning, everybody gets busy doing something. Whether it's bringing supplies into the house or cleaning a grimy rifle, nobody's twiddling they thumbs. There's something about putting work into a thing that needs it that clears the mind, I guess. Stops us from thinking about Jim, anyhow. Me, I help out by going around with a basket of fresh fruit, handing them out to anybody who wants some.

The first people I swing by are Rick and T. They've begun reinforcing the fences together, using old metal sheets and planks of wood to barricade any weak points they find. They gratefully take a juicy pear each, leaning against their handiwork to bite into the sweet flesh, groaning at the taste. Something nice happens in my chest when I see them smile. It's like looking at a puppy. You just can't be sad.

"Wow, this is good," T-Dog nods, turning the fruit over in his hand. "Thanks, Harley."

Rick doesn't say nothin', but I'm just glad to see him enjoying himself. Even for just a moment.

I head over to Patricia and Carol next, who are scrubbing at some laundry over by the trees. I earn myself two more smiles when they take a couple peaches, leaving them to their own devices and making my way through everyone else. Herschel, keeping Maggie company as she hangs up some wet clothes over a line in the sun. Jacqui and Lori, tidying up camp a bit, preparing lunch. Jimmy, polishing guns.

When I give a pear to Dad, who's fixing some of his crossbow bolts, he kisses my cheek as thanks.

And Beth. I don't forget her. She sits in the bay window of her bedroom, nibbling away at a green apple.

I know eating a good piece of fruit ain't never stopped nobody from wanting to kill themselves, but everything counts.

I've only got a peach, apple, and a pear left tumbling around in my basket when I approach Glenn and Andrea. They're stood around the hood of Dale's RV, frowning into the rubber tubes and gears like there's a jigsaw puzzle in there, muttering to each other.

"You gotta tap it three times," I think he's saying, pointing at something, "And—"

"— And give her a twist," Andrea sighs, throwing her hands up. "I know, I know."

Glenn notices me out the corner of his eye. He doesn't light up exactly, but the tension leaves his shoulders. "Oh. Hey, Harley."

"Hey." I give a little smile, holding out the basket. "Y'all want some fruit?"

"Ugh. Yes, please."

They each pick one out, leaving me with the apple. I toss the basket onto the nearby folding chair and bite into its waxy skin, the sugary juices leaking down my chin. It's sweet as candy. Well, from what I remember candy tastin' like, anyway. It's delicious.

Andrea seems to agree. "God. Remind me to always become stranded on a farm with an orchard."

Glenn bites a chunk out of his peach as he takes the screwdriver from the blonde, scooting around her to stand in front of the exposed engine. "Here. Let me have a go... Dale told me that in these old vehicles, the points get corroded."

I wipe my sticky chin, watching as he pokes around with the small tool.

Dale knew everything there was to know about this RV. Whenever it broke down, he didn't even need to check beneath the hood before he knew exactly what was wrong with it. Hell, even I've picked up on its quirks by now, and I know jack about vehicles. There's all sorts of screws and bolts and duck tape crammed into the poor thing's inner workings, but it just refuses to die. Like a stubborn old mule. 

A bit like Dale. No matter how many times ya put that old man down, he'd come back ten times stronger.

"I let him down," Glenn suddenly sighs, and it's easy to know who he's talking about.

I glance over his shoulder, through the front windshield. Dale's ridiculous amount of souvenir air fresheners still hang from the mirror. Oklahoma. Illinois. Missouri. Kansas. That ain't even half of 'em. We used to tease him about them, but he always just laughed us off and recited some philosophical quote from a dead guy about how memories feed the soul, or whatever.

Nobody ever understood it when he said stuff like that, but I still know we all miss it.

"He was proud of you," Andrea tells him; then me, "Both of you."

I sheepishly look away, picking at the stem of my apple. No, he weren't. But that's nice of her to say.

"That's easy for you to say." Glenn shakes his head. "You had his back."

She doesn't know what to say for a moment.

"Well... All I know is that there's no way he didn't know how much we all cared for him, even in the end. He was too smart for that."

I got no doubts about that. He knew everything. Knew everything about the RV, about poetry, about us. He was just one of them types of people. I only wish I hadn't argued with him that day, but I argue with Dad all the time, and he still loves me. So, can't all be bad.

Glenn pulls back from the engine with a resolute, "Welp... That should do it."

When Andrea climbs inside and twists the key into the ignition, I'm proven right. This old RV just refuses to die.

"Well done, Glenn," I smile over the noise of the engine. "You did it."

He turns to me with a smile of his own, looking proud of himself.

After that, he and Dad leave the farm to search for a hearing aid. 

Maggie hands them a list of houses they can try their luck in, and then we exchange the usual goodbye hugs and kisses before waving them off. There ain't no use in sitting around, wondering if they're going to get bitten and die because of me, so I leave to find something I can distract myself with instead. Luckily, Rick and T-Dog are more than happy to let me help them out with the fences.

If we're gonna get serious about staying here at the farm, we're gonna have to make some upgrades.

I obidiently tail them as they work, lugging around a bucket filled with rusty nails to pass to them.

"You know, Harley," Rick grunts as he hammers a scrap of metal to the wooden posts, "Carl still ain't stopped chewin' my ear off about all those things you taught him the other day. If I have to hear the word 'mushroom' one more time... I'll go crazy."

I pluck a nail from the pile and hand it to T-Dog.

Just to be annoying, I say, "Mushroom, mushroom, mushroom."

"Hey. Watch it." He scolds me, but not very well. He's smiling. "Anyway. You two ain't on good terms right now, are you?"

I raise a brow. "How'd ya know?"

"Well, I figured you'd be playin' with him right now if you were. And to be honest, he's been in a bit of a mood lately."

I huff a little, silently cursing Rick's parents for making him like this. "We squabbled. That's all."

He hums thoughtfully.

"Whenever I argued with my sisters," T-Dog tells us, "They'd start messin' with me. They'd hide my Xbox controller. Eat my snacks."

Rick chuckles. "They sound nice."

"Yeah, you could say that," He chuckles along with him. "A real pair of peaches."

"Well, Carl ain't done any of that," I suppose, adjusting the bucket in my grasp, "But he did call me a stupid baby."

Rick turns to look at me. "What?"

"He snitched on me about the shed and called me a stupid baby. Then I told him I hated his guts."

As I stand there, he fixes at me with a funny, What am I going to do with you?, sort of look, until he returns his attention to the work at hand. "Well, he was right to 'snitch' on you, but I'll have a talk with him when I can. It's not okay to name-call."

"I think it's 'cause he's gonna be a brother soon." I think aloud. "He said he's gotta protect me."

T-Dog argues, "You got all of us here to protect you. Boy's got nothing to stress about."

"I know. He just likes bein' somebody's keeper."

Hammering the last nail into the metal, Rick gives the thing a bit of a shake to test its strength, pleased to see it won't budge.

"Okay, I think this one's good." He decides. "Let's move onto the next one."

As we gradually make our way down the fence line, we continue chatting away about other useless things. The weather, future plans for the farm. Something we don't talk about, though, is the baby inside Lori's belly. I don't think Rick wants to think about it, let alone talk about it. He must be mulling over all the hundreds of things that could go wrong. As the leader, that's his special talent.

By the time we reach the area around the barn, I'm not listening to the conversation anymore. It's difficult to concentrate on making out their voices for such a long time, so I just tune myself out, absentmindedly gazing past the two of them, into the field.

That's when I notice something off about the burning pile.

It's still sitting there, a boring bunch of wood and junk, but the problem is I can't seem to spot Jim's body on it.

I know they didn't move it to some other place, and it's definitely not been lit on fire yet, so it can't be that.

When Rick holds out his hand for me to pass him another nail, I leave him hanging. He frowns down at me in concern; confusion. I think he says my name, but then he follows my gaze, followed suit by T-Dog. I can tell the exact moment they catch on.

"Okay," T-Dog levels with nobody in particular, holding up his hands, "That's creepy as shit."

"Stay here," Rick wearily tells us, before jogging away to investigate.

I don't need to be told twice. Clutching the bucket to my stomach like it's a teddy bear, I huddle closer to T, letting him step in front of me as if a chupacabra is gonna pop out from under the debris and gobble us all up. We watch Rick approach the burn pile, creeping up on it, concerned he might wake it up. He peeps this way and that, the hammer held tight in his grasp, ready to strike.

Was Jim bit, I find myself wondering, Was he bit, and we just didn't notice?

No. No, that can't be right. If he was bit, he would've turned long before we had the chance to hang him.

Rick flinches backward. He gawks at his own two feet. I think he might've crossed paths with a snake, or even that chupacabra, but then a hand shoots out from behind the burn pile and we learn the thing tryna bite him ain't an animal. It's got black hair and a grubby red shirt, a pair of milky eyeballs. It's Jim. He crawls after Rick like he's tryna avenge his own death, his neck still swollen and wrong.

Once he's absorbed his own shock, Rick brings the hammer down on Jim's skull, but he's fresh, so it's not mushy like it is usually. He has to bludgeon him two, three, four more times before the bone cracks open like an egg, wet brains dribbling down his face.

We all catch our breaths. I don't think any of us were prepared to watch Jim die twice today.

"Where was the bite?" T-Dog calls out, sounding like he's about to barf all over himself.

Rick kneels to check under Jim's shirt, flip him over, roll up his pant legs, because of course he does. There has to be a bite.

But when he stands, he calls back, "I can't see one."

There's a gaping pause between us all.

"Well, it ain't on his ass cheek, is it?"

Rick raises a brow as he steps over the body. "You wanna go check, be my guest."

"Nah, thank you, man." He answers drily, eyeing the blood dripping from the head of the hammer. "Well, what the Hell happened?"

Instead of telling us he doesn't know, or offering up a theory, Rick just sighs. He tosses the hammer into the little wagon we've been pulling along with us, rubbing at the faint wrinkles on his forehead. I remain hiding behind T-Dog. I know there's no snake or chupacabra to be heard of, and now, not even a Jim. But I don't like the danger in the air. The danger of something being wrong and not knowing what it is.

Rick lowers his hand, gaze landing on me. He keeps it there for a moment.

To be a walker, you gotta get bit. I can't see one. Everyone knows that.

"Come on," He eventually mutters, reaching to take the heavy bucket from me. "Let's get back to the house."

"Rick, what's wrong?" I whine as he grabs my hand. "We ain't workin' on the fence no more? Why?"

T-Dog snatches up the handle of the wagon and hurries after us.

"Don't worry about it, honey," He soothes, giving my fingers a squeeze. "The grownups will handle it, okay?"

Rick says this, just like he always has, but all he does when we get back to camp is eat lunch and talk to Maggie about our progress on the fence. I decide it's not a big deal. I trust him. Maybe he's just waiting until me and Carl aren't around to talk with the other adults about it. Maybe Jim did somehow get bit while he was in the shed. Maybe it really was on his ass cheek. I won't pretend to know.

In any case, I dig into my scrambled eggs and buttered bread without giving it much more thought.

After lunch, the three of us go back to working on the fence, anyway.

"Hope you enjoyed the apple."

With her forehead resting against the window, Beth gazes down at the farm, like some lonely angel peering down at another world. The afternoon sun gently contours the subtle curves of her girlish face, which isn't looking nearly as dreadfully pale as it did before.

"I did," She answers sweetly, smiling as I come to sit next to her on the thin cushions. "Thanks, by the way."

I give a shrug. "Yer sister says peach and pear season's just about up, so all we's got for a while is apples, anyway."

She surprises me by giggling at me, a pretty tinkling sound that suits her. "That shouldn't be a problem for you, right?"

My cheeks go warm. "Huh?"

"I saw you," She explains, a fondness in her eyes. "Chowin' down on that apple just before."

"When I was wit' Glenn and Andrea?"

She nods. "You were smiling. It was nice."

I contemplate calling her a stalker, but all that comes outta my mouth is an amused scoff, rolling my eyes and turning to look out the window. I understand why she likes it up here. I can see the whole farm. People milling about camp, chickens pecking at the ground. And off in the distance, the herd of black cows dotting the paddocks like little beetles, munching on bales of hay. And quiet. Precious quiet.

I glance at the distant treeline, thinking about the recent whispers of the horde. I brush it off quick as I can.

I steal a glance at Beth, instead.

That little smile is still pulling at her lips, a lively glint in the soft green of her eyes.

For some reason - mainly my talent for speaking without thinking - I ask her suddenly, "Do you still wanna die?"

She stiffens ever so slightly, and I only have a few short moments to feel awful about it before she meets my eyes.

"I just mean," I continue, wishing I ever knew the right thing to say. I think back to when Carl was in my exact position, asking nicely for me to not do what Beth did. He also threatened to smack me in the face, but I don't imagine that would go over too well with Beth. Neither would shouting at her like Dad. So, I just do something stupid, another one of my talents, and I improvise. "I been worried about you. Not, like, pity or nothin', but... I know how you feel. And after Dale... I realized that just 'cause people die, it don't mean I gotta die, too. It ain't a reason to wanna die. It's a reason to wanna live. 'Cause I'm just glad I ever knew Dale and Sophia and everyone else that died at all."

I feel encouraged by her glassy expression to keep talking. Not that I could stop myself if I tried.

"So that makes us lucky, y'know. Yer Momma's dead. My Momma's dead. But we loved 'em, and you can keep lovin' other people, but not if you're in a grave somewhere. Besides, it would just pass it on to them that would miss us. Not worth it, if ya ask me."

When I finish my word puke, she pins me with a tense, watery look that makes my insides cramp up.

"Maggie told me," She says, "That if I decided to keep living, that I'd find moments where I'd know I made the right decision."

She takes a deep breath, chuckling afterward.

"I think this is one of those moments," She decides.

"It is?"

I feel a weird sense of pride. I know me and my stupid apple and bad advice didn't singlehandedly solve anythin', but I was able to make her realize she don't got nothin' to regret by surviving her own mind, and that's more than enough for me.

I nod, trying not to smile, because this is supposed to be a serious moment. "Good. That's... good."

Her chuckles turn into laughter. "Why you so awkward all the darn time, Harley?"

Then I'm being wrapped up in a hug. I hate hugs. But this one ain't too terrible.

When we part, I ask her, "Are we friends?"

She seems to find that funny. "'Course."

"Well, my Dad and Glenn are gonna be gone for a few more hours," I tell her, "So, we should play something 'til then."

Beth warns me that she's seventeen years old, so she might not be able to play the same way me and Carl play, but that's okay. We don't have to play pretend or anything. We can do something she likes. Apparently, that's painting our nails. I have to try not to pull a face, but I guess I end up pulling one anyway, because she bursts into giggles and pulls me to my feet. I'm not the biggest fan of girly things. It's just not what I grew up with. I'm used to scuffing my nails while climbing trees and playing in the dirt, not painting them. But I'll give it a go.

"What's your favorite color?" She asks me, setting me down on her bed and rummaging through her desk.

"Yellow," I chirp.

"Actually," She lilts, pulling out a little bottle of yellow polish, squinting at the label. "It's Electric Spring Citrus."

I scoot over to make room for her on the bed, presenting my nails to her.

The afternoon slips away easily after that.

Nighttime paints over the orange sky.

Me and Beth have migrated downstairs by the time the sun has disappeared beneath the farm, lured in by the domestic commotion of dinner being prepared. It's soup again. I recognise the smell by now. While we wait to be served by Maggie and Patricia, the rest of us gather around the coffee table, ribbing each other as we break the rules of a card game Jacqui suggests. Carl keeps cheating by lying about what cards he has, but he's too dumb to realize he'll have to show them to us at some point. I laugh hysterically when he loses.

"You weren't listenin' to the rules, was ya?" I enjoy taunting him as he goes red. "Typical!"

He complains, "Shut up, Harley!"

"Okay, okay," Lori placates, doing a very bad job of hiding her smile behind her fan of cards. "Settle down."

I almost don't think about Dad and Glenn or Dale or Sophia or Shane or Momma for the whole game. By my standards, that makes for a good time. Carl continues losing miserably, whining even more miserably-er, while Jacqui beats us over and over again.

I'm reminded of the night we had our first dinner together - The one where Patricia made everyone feel super uncomfortable, and then I almost died. It's hard to believe this is the same house and the same people. Probably because it's filled with laughter.

We continue playing even through dinner.

When I lose for the fifth time, I take my bowl of soup and retire to one of the sofas, settling in next to Rick and quietly sipping at the warm broth. He sends me a bit of a look as if to ask me if I'm okay, probably reading my face in that weird way he got, noticing I'm thinking about Dad and Glenn. I reply with a simple nod. He doesn't seem satisfied with that response, but he can't do nothin' about it.

It's too noisy in here for him to talk to me, and neither of us know a single lick of sign language.

So, he just gives me a thumbs up and hopes it gets the point across. They'll be okay.

Eventually, even Herschel gets roped into playing.

"Hey, I actually happen to know a thing or two about this," He tells us, before proceeding to eviscerate Jacqui at her own game.

We all go awww, as she throws down her cards.

"Darn..." She sighs. "You weren't lyin', old man."

"As Jesus as my witness," He holds up a hand, "I never lie."

Lori asks, "Where'd you learn to get this good?"

"I used to spend a lot of my time in bars, young lady." He explains. "I got more than enough practice finessing card games."

"Well, I'd say it paid off."

He raises his fluffy white brows. "They used to call me Great-Hand Greene back in the day, you know."

Everybody in the room can't help but laugh.

"Now, Daddy," Maggie exclaims, "That's a lie!"

Great-Hand Greene calmly enlightens her, "It surely isn't."

This is the moment headlights turn into the driveway. Everyone turns to look. My heart squeezes. Dad and Glenn. The two lights come to a sudden stop, watching us like two eyeballs through the dark. The sound of doors slamming. I place my bowl on the coffee table and hurry out of the lounge room, followed by some other footsteps. But when I reach the foyer, the door bursts open without my doing.

Dad first, then Glenn. Both of my lungs deflating in relief, and then both of them knotting right back up again.

"That horde's headed this way," Dad wastes no time in announcing, "And it ain't stopping for nothin'."

Everybody freezes. A horde? The horde? Headed our way? Right now?

Rick pushes past everyone. "You saw it?"

"Trust me, man." He jokes dryly, shaking his head. "You can't miss this thing anymore."

"There were hundreds of them," Glenn agrees, frantic. His hair is suckered to his forehead with sweat, even though the season's turned. "We were over by Mallory Road when we caught wind of them; got us stuck for a couple hours until we could slip past."

"Not that it matters now," Dad snides.

Maggie asks, "Were you able to get the hearin' aid?"

He gives a nod, but nobody's paying attention. "Bits and pieces."

"Patricia," Herschel orders, our card game long forgotten, "Kill the lights."

We follow Rick out onto the porch. The night welcomes us with a cold gust of wind. At first, I can't see much of anythin', but then the lights blink out one by one and my stomach drops into the floorboards. On the other side of the field, leaking out from between the trees, are bodies, bodies, and bodies, so many it's not worth trying to count. They make the group on the highway look like a couple of stragglers.

As the masses of feet stumble up the driveway, I'm hit with the feeling that our fences aren't going to save us.

"I'll get the guns." Andrea mutters, and I think that feeling has hit everyone else, too.

Rick runs off in the direction of the cars. It's where we've kept our bags of emergency supplies for a time like this. Does that mean we're gonna leave? Or are we gonna fight? Is it even possible? I didn't even get to finish my soup. That feels important, somehow.

"Maybe they're just passing." Somebody stupidly guesses. "Like that herd on the highway."

"Should we go back inside?"

"Not unless there's a tunnel downstairs I don't know about." Dad drawls, gazing out. "Horde this size will rip the house down."

I worry up at him, "Daddy, I don't want it to rip the house down."

He shushes me, putting a strong hand on the nape of my neck, squeezing reassuringly. I let it calm me. I feel a fool for panicking, but if there were ever a time to panic, it would be now. I cling to him as Andrea dumps the bag of guns on the floor. She passes them out to everyone that got two thumbs and a brain. Maggie, Glenn, Dad, Rick. Jimmy. Even Herschel. Nobody is being left out of this fight.

Not even me and Carl. A gun is pushed each of our hands. You know how to use it, I remind myself.

"This the plan, then?" Dad confirms with everyone, because it's crazy. "We take 'em all on?"

Andrea passes me a loaded mag. I don't have to count the bullets inside to know it's not enough.

"We have guns. We have cars."

"We kill as many as we can." She's on board. "We'll use the cars to lead the rest of them off the farm."

"The burn pile," Glenn adds, "There's a bunch of kerosine and matches down there. We could lure them into the barn, set it on fire."

Rick climbs back onto the porch. "Bags are all packed. If things start to get hairy, we can leave."

"We're not leaving." Herschel argues.

"Herschel—"

"This is my farm." His voice booms as he pumps a pair of fat bullets into his shotgun's chamber, fire in his eyes. "I'll die here."

"Alright." Dad lilts over the droning rumble of death incoming, looking around for objections. "It's as good a night as any."

I get herded into Maggie's car. Dad gives my face a kiss and slams the door shut. I bump the mag up into the chamber. I know how to use it. I do. Two more slams. Glenn at the wheel, Maggie in the passenger seat. I've shot two walkers before, when I was out in the woods with Shane. I just have to do it again. And after that, again and again until they're all gone. Glenn stomps on the gas. The car screeches forward, ripping through the grass, barrelling into the night. I don't even bother buckling myself in. That's not how I would die tonight.

"You got enough ammo back there, honey?" Maggie fusses, digging through the glovebox and throwing me a spare.

"Thanks." I catch the cardboard box, trying not to shiver as Glenn rolls down all the windows. Groans and wind flood the car.

He shouts, "Start shooting!"

Just like that, gunshots erupt from all possible angles.

I grip my pistol tight, aim it out the window. You're gonna hold it like this, Shane's voice tells me, Firm. Confident. You're the one in control, here. I'm in control. My home's bein' invaded by the dead, and a horde this size might rip the house down, but I'm in control. The car spins. I lurch. It's hard to aim like this, but I gotta try. I line my eye up with the wobbling sight. I breathe in and out.

I squeeze. BANG. 

I can't even tell what I hit, or if I hit anything at all, but it don't matter. I squeeze again. BANG.

Glenn weaves us in and out, around, through the horde, never getting too close, never veering too far.

In the other car, T-Dog, Andrea, and Carl. They swerve around us, shooting down every dead bastard they can hit.

I squeeze. BANG.

BANG, and again, BANG, and again, BANG.

The jaw of a nearby walker explodes off its meaty hinges. It swings around. It trips. It slumps. I've killed it.

"How we doing back there, Harley?" Glenn calls out. "You okay?"

"I— I'm fine!" I shout back, pulling my body back into my seat to reload.

I peel open the box of ammo. A curse falls from my tongue when the little bullets go tumbling onto my feet, rolling under the seats. I quickly snatch them up, shoving them into the mag. On the other side of the car door, fireworks of gunpowder and bullets, squealing tires and breaking bones, a blazing Hellfire lighting up the sky. Orange and roaring. I notice it, then. Dad. Rick. That must be them. They've set the barn on fire. It's cracking and falling to pieces, a burning church. The walkers fight to get inside like it's the last Sunday on Earth.

An important beam succumbs to the flames, snapping in half like a broken twig, bringing the rest down with it.

I hear wood breaking, and then there are chickens running lose across the field, screaming, flapping.

I squeeze and I squeeze and I squeeze. BANG.

A rotten old man crumples to the ground. BANG.

A lady's shoulder bursts open, a pop of bone and muscle. BANG.

A girl with one of the poor birds in her mouth, choking on feathers, dead. BANG.

For every one we kill, five more are there within a heartbeat to replace it. Glenn's foot falters on the pedal, and we come to a crawl, and then a stop, unable to do much but watch as the farm is consumed. This is a losing battle. There's no other type.

Herschel said we weren't leaving tonight, but that can't be true. I guess he is a liar, after all.

"We gotta go," Maggie's shaking her head, the tears in her eyes collecting like little pearls. "We're not gonna win this. We gotta go."

As if only to prove her point, the barn collapses once and for all. I almost feel like crying.

"I'm sorry, Maggie." Glenn says weakly.

Yeah. Me, too. I gaze out at the oak tree, still standing bravely; the little wooden crosses clueless beneath it.

As Glenn drives us back into the chaos, my pistol stays in my lap. I don't got any bullets left, anyway. I just sit there, watching everything pan by. Mine and Dad's camping spot, tucked away in the distant trees, just how we liked it. The crumbled fireplace where I talked to Dale for the last time. The shed. The swing outside it me and Carl used to play on. The orchard. The patch of dirt where Sophia died.

I wish I had the power to know when things were gonna end. That way, I could've savoured my last day.

It's not as cool as the superpower's them people in Carl's comics got, but it's the one I'd want.

It was silly. Working on the fences today with Rick and T-Dog made me think we were gonna be okay.

When I look up, we're approaching the house. Jacqui's sitting on the porch steps all by herself, staring out at us.

Glenn pulls us in close, getting out and hovering around the hood of the car, waving her over. "Come on! We gotta go!"

I crawl across the seats and shove open the door. "Jacqui? Come on!"

She's not coming. Why is she not coming? The door is open. We can all leave together. When I call out her name again, she convulses ever so slightly, as if she's got a bad cough but doesn't wanna let it out. I feel my face fall all at once. Her arm gives out, slumping from her neck, into her lap. I notice the blood first, all ten gallons of it, and then the bite. Her muscles spasm again. Oh. No, no, no.

"Jacqui?" I call out uselessly, but Glenn's already back in the driver's seat and Jacqui's already dying.

"C-Close your door, Harley," He orders, slamming his own.

She's dying. We can't stay here. I know both these things, but it still takes everything in me to pull the door shut.

After that, the deaths just keep coming. We drive past Patricia as the horde pull her into their mouths, Jimmy as he stumbles from the RV, clutching at his open throat. There's nothing we can do for any of them, but we manage to reach Carol just in time. She climbs into the seat next to me, and we ask her if she's seen anybody else, but she hasn't; she hasn't seen anybody.

Turning my face to the open window, I let the wind dry my tears, seein' as my Daddy ain't here to do it for me.

The faces of the horde pass by, a sea of rats on a burning ship.

I want to go collect my things. I want to pet the cows one last time. I want to do everything we won't get to.

My body lurches all on its own, then.

A face in the crowd. It's different from the rest. I'm not good with faces or names, something my teachers used to grumble over, but I'm good with this one. That one walker, tucked in with the rest of them, wearing the Police cap. It's Shane Walsh, dead and walking.

How? How is that possible? Why are the tears back tenfold, now?

Lit by the moon and the flames, I see his broken cheekbones for the first time since that day, the way they're bulbous like apples, mishappen like clay. Everything about him is wrong. His nose is broke. Clothes all mussed up. Ribs pouring. His eyes are glossed over. He don't seem to mind his broken body, or the fire, or the smoke. He just wants what all other walkers want. To bite into something. It's him, but not.

I almost want him to look at me. I clutch my locket, wanting our eyes to meet just to make him prove it.

This just can't be true. He didn't get bit. He got shot and beaten, but he didn't get bit.

As if I've willed him to do it, he looks my way.

"Carol," I croak, watching as he noses at the air like the animal Dad always said he was, "You got any bullets left?"

I feel something being placed in my hand. It feels just like the locket, but colder. I shakily load it into the chamber; lift the gun. I believe in you, His voice is back. Now line your eye up with the sight. I stare down the barrel, carefully placing his face on top of the sights. I only have this one bullet. I can't miss. Not only because I need to put him down, but because I think I want to make him proud.

Breathe, I take a deep breath, In and out. 

Damn it. These fuckin' tears, they're messing up my aim. I smack them away and line up my shot again.

And squeeze.

BANG.

All the air rushes outta my lungs as his body hits the ground, disappearing amongst the horde.

I lower the gun.

Carol's already looking at me before I glance her way.

When we peel onto the highway, I can still see the flames burning over the tops of the trees, like some old religious painting.

Maggie breaks the silence. "What if nobody else made it?"

Nobody answers. I preferred it when the only noise in the car was the gentle humming of the engine, but I can't blame her for asking. We got no idea who else made it out alive. The four of us are all alone out here. Ain't no phone number we can just dial to ask if they're alright.

"They made it," Glenn eventually just decides, staring out at his high beams on the dark road. "They had to."

"Well, how are we going to find them?" Carol asks innocently, petting my hair as I lay my head in her lap. "They could be anywhere."

Maggie sighs. "We could circle back to that place I found y'all on the highway?"

"No," Mumbles Glenn. I can see his finger tapping against the wheel. "No, the horde came from that direction."

That's where our ideas run dry.

"Glenn?" I whine, clutching at my temple. He glances at me in the mirror, concern in his eyes. "My head. The ringing. Hurts."

He makes a troubled sound. "It must've been all those gunshots... I'm sorry."

Carol suggests, "Maybe we should just stop somewhere for the night."

There's a pause between them, but it's a short one, because it doesn't take much for Glenn to agree. He's musing to himself about how we can't drive all night. It would be a better use of gas to drive in the daylight. But really, we all know it's because he's a big softie.

He pulls us into a little nook on the side of the highway, killing the engine and turning on the ceiling light.

"I'm sorry," He says again, as if he put the ringing inside my head himself. "Maybe there's something in the supplies?"

Maggie unzippers the bag at her feet, pushing around the stuff inside it, shaking her head. "Just some water. Thirsty?"

I shake my head.

"I think we should all get some sleep." Says Carol, her voice a whisper.

Yeah. A good sleep sounds really good right about now. I think we've earnt it. Georgia will still be here when we wake up.

"Okay." He reaches up to press the ceiling button that turns on the moon, its dim white light spilling across the console in the dark. We all loosen slightly, completely exhausted. "We can just pick up again tomorrow. I'm sure the others are doing the same thing."

"Goodnight," Maggie tries to smile, reaching around her seat to stroke my shoulder.

"Goodnight," I mumble, echoed by Glenn and Carol, and then it's silent.

I close my eyes.

No eggs and buttered bread for breakfast today. Just a stale granola bar I gotta split with Carol, and a sip of water I gotta split with all three of them. After we take turns peein' in the bushes outside, we're back on the road again, and we're on it all day.

I don't know where we're going. I don't think Glenn knows, either.

I'm starting to think we might be driving all night, too, by the time we run into the others. That's right, the others. Herschel's shitty old pick-up truck is parked in a swath of brown leaves on the side of the road, right next to Dad's truck and bike, and another grey car.

When Glenn pulls on the brake, I think we're all crying happy tears, but I'm too busy crying happy tears to notice.

I climb out, grinning, running into my Dad's arms.

"Harley," He sighs in relief as he picks me up, squeezes me tight. "I knew they'd take good care of ya."

"I knew you'd take good care of you," I giggle, hooking my chin over his shoulder.

"How did you guys find each other?" Glenn marvels.

"Well, when I saw their little Toyota goin' the speed limit," He nods behind him, "Figured there just had to be a cop at the wheel."

As chuckles break out between the group, he places me back on the ground.

Maggie asks, "Where's the rest of us?"

"We're the only ones that made it so far," Rick answers, and it's now I notice just how much smaller we are now; barely ten. We're just as alone as we were when it was just me, Glenn, Maggie, and Carol. No shelter, no food, no direction. Feathers in the wind.

"Where's Andrea?"

Lori shakes her head. "She was with us at the farm, but we got separated."

"Did you see Jacqui?"

Jacqui. Poor Jacqui. Maggie, Glenn, and I share a look without even meaning to.

"It was awful, Dad," I mutter, the memory caught in my throat, "We found 'er by the house, but we had to leave her behind."

Glenn explains, "She was bit."

"They got Patricia, too." Beth says. "Took her right in front of me. I was holdin' onto her, Daddy, but they just..."

"We saw Jimmy, too." Maggie sighs as Herschel wraps her little sister in a hug. "He was in the RV. It got overrun."

"But, you guys definitely saw Andrea?"

"There— There were walkers everywhere," Lori seems sorry to say, "But, yeah. We saw her."

"Well, we have to go back for her."

Rick argues, "We don't even know if she's still there."

"She ain't." Dad butts in. "She's either somewhere else or she's dead."

"So, we're not even gonna look for her?"

"No. We gotta keep moving." Rick agrees. "There's walkers all over the place."

Maggie scoffs, "That's an understatement if I ever heard one."

"I say we head East." Dad suggests, pointing vaguely in the direction of the sinking sun, cresting through the fog. "Head East, and stay off any main roads like this one. Bigger the road, the more walkers we gon' run into. The more assholes like this one."

He lifts his hands from where he's been resting them on my back, swinging the crossbow off his shoulder.

"I got him." He grumbles, sending a bolt through the stray walker's nose.

"Well, I hate to tell you guys," T-Dog scratches at his head, "But we been riding red for the past hour."

"We can't all fit into two cars."

Rick decides, "We'll have to make a run for some gas in the morning."

"Spend the night here?" Beth hisses, shivering lightly. "I'm freezin'."

"We'll build a fire." He gestures at my Dad. "You can go out lookin' for firewood, but stay close."

He raises a greasy brow. "I only got so many arrows, man. We can't just sit here with our asses hangin' out."

"Watch your mouth," He snips.

Glenn raises his hands at the group. "Everyone just stop panicking, and listen to Rick."

"Look, Glenn and I can go make a run right now," Maggie placates, "Try and scrounge up some gas so we can get back on the road."

"No." He shuts her down. "We stay together. God forbid something happens and people get stranded without a car."

That other side of Rick is back - Someone I might as well start callin' Second Rick; Scary Rick - and everyone can tell. It's the same one that was outside the shed, telling us with no room for argument that he was going to execute Jim. He's tense. He's a rubber band pulled tight, his eyes darting from face to face, just waiting for a flash of disagreement from somebody for him to pounce on.

I make sure he don't find one on my face. I'm not keen on upsettin' him.

Glenn's a little braver than me, though, because he says incredulously, "Rick, we're stranded now."

He shakes his head. Not listening. Not accepting it. Just, No, no, no. 

"I know it looks bad," He reasons, even though we don't need to be told. "We've all been through Hell and worse. But we found each other. I wasn't sure. I really wasn't, but..." He scans our faces again, a little less coldly this time, taking us all in. "But we did it. We're together, and that's all that matters. We'll find shelter someplace. It's gotta be out there somewhere. It's gotta be."

But we had shelter already, I feel like shouting at him, I don't want another one.

"Rick, look around, okay?" Glenn's voice raises. "There's walkers everywhere. They're— They're migrating or something."

"There's gotta be a place not just where we hole up," Rick doubles down without care for what he's saying, smacking his knuckles into his palm. "But that we can fortify. Hunker down. Pull something together for ourselves. Build a life for each other."

That's what we tried to do at the farm. He should know that. He was the one fixing the fences with me.

"I know it's out there," He says angrily, as if that place he's talkin' about is hiding just to spite him. "We just have to find it."

I muster up the courage to voice my thoughts.

"But, Rick," I say, "How many those places we already been?"

He shakes his head again. "We fooled ourselves into thinking they were safe. We won't make that mistake again."

At the quarry, our mistake was being too close to the city. That was way back in the beginning when nobody had died yet, and we thought we just had to wait it out until the army came. But they didn't. And after that, our second mistake was trusting Jenner. We wanted answers, but we almost lost everything trying to get 'em. Then, the farm. I guess that was a mistake, too, now. You never know 'til after.

I don't say anything to that. It's cold, and I'm hungry, and I don't want to argue any more.

He's pleased with my silence. "Okay... We make camp tonight here; get back on the road at the break of day."

Carol murmurs something.

Whatever it was, Beth agrees with her. "What if walkers come through, or another group like Jim's?"

"Speaking of Jim," T-Dog fixes Rick with a look. "We ever gonna talk about him?"

Lori's confused. "What do you mean? What could possibly be left to talk about?"

"We saw him turn," He's happy to reveal to everyone. "Thing is, though, he wasn't bit."

"How is that possible?"

"Shane, too." I blurt. "I— I saw him when the farm went down."

Lori turns her gawking expression onto her husband. "What the Hell is going on?"

He's not looking at any of us. He's glaring at some ordinary pebble on the ground, brooding, hesitating.

Then, "We're all infected."

What?

It's so vague and profound that nobody knows what to make of it.

My Dad does us all a favor and squints at him. "How you mean?"

"At the CDC," He confesses, his voice a hoarse whisper that I can only just make out, "Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it."

We all carry—? The germs that make the dead ones come back? We all carry them?

He's been lyin' to us this whole time. The CDC, that was months ago.

Sometimes, lying ain't just sayin' something. It's not sayin' something. Daddy taught me that the night I told him I'd had a good day at school, and then come dinnertime, I let it slip that Ethan, the boy that sat behind me in class, had actually punched me in the belly that day at lunch. He got so mad. He ripped off my shirt. There was a purple blotch on my pale skin. Then he taught me how to punch boys back.

That's what Rick's done. He's hidden a purple blotch from us, and now we should be angry.

Carol steps forward, her silver brows pinched. "And you never said anything?"

I consider my body. I don't feel sick. Not like I did when we thought I was bitten.

Rick lamely asks, "Would it have made a difference?"

Yes, I think, but he already knows that.

Glenn accuses him, "You knew. You knew this whole time."

So, that's why Jim and Shane woke back up. You don't gotta get bit. You just gotta die and come back with enough to be able to bite.

That means even if you jumped off a bridge and all your bones were broken and you died, you would still come back.

My—

My Momma would'a still come back.

"How could I have known for sure, huh? Until we found Jim, I had no proof Jenner was even tellin' the truth. You saw how crazy that mother f—"

Glenn cuts him off. "That is not your call. Okay?"

"When Daryl found out about the walkers in the barn," Lori adds, "He told everyone as soon as he had the chance."

Rick don't care. "Well... I thought it best if people didn't know."

Glenn and Dad look right at me. Like they've both thought the same thing I have. They're the only ones here that know what happened to my Momma. I remember telling Glenn about it at the CDC. Momma. We were outta the city when it happened. It was the night the world ended twice. First when we got the call, and again when our neighbours tried to eat us. It's a lot of people's worst ever night. It's mine.

I won't ever know for sure, but I'd be kidding myself if I thought the rules didn't apply to my Momma.

At least we know that if any of us were to die, the others would make sure we didn't turn. Survivor's honor, or whatever it's called.

The silence goes on for so long that he just gives us one last look over, turns, and walks away. Nobody cares where.

Dad crouches; looks up at me. "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah," My voice wobbles, but I'm telling the truth. "I just... Don't wanna think about it."

Glenn clears his throat. "Well, it looks like we don't have much of a choice about this. We need to set up camp."

As everyone slowly breaks off to do their part, Dad takes my hand and leads me over to his motorcycle. "Got somethin' for ya."

Oh, right. The hearing aid; bits and pieces.

I'd almost forgotten.

"I hope it ain't complicated," I tell him, fiddling with my craggled ear. "Maggie said Herschel don't know about this stuff."

"We'll figure it out." He promises, before squeezing my hand and letting it go. "I ain't even sure if they work."

He opens the saddlebag, taking out a wrinkled plastic bag. He reaches in and pulls out what looks like an unusually shaped piece of skin-colored plastic with a rubber bulb on the end. And two other hearing aids, one brown and one purple, the type I'd recognise.

He stuffs the bag away and tucks some hair behind my good ear, making room to stick the first one in.

"I think it goes like that." He leans in closer, messing around with something on the back of it. "How do I—...?"

Something clicks.

All of a sudden, there are birds in the trees.

My eyes go wide, jaw dropping, gawking out at the forest like I've never seen one before.

A grin sneaks its way onto my face.

"The birds," I muse quietly, taking in the sounds of their distant chirps. "I can hear 'em, Dad."

It's not perfect. It's not as crisp as it was before. I think the batteries are low. But I don't care. It's still one of my favorite sounds.

He's smiling faintly up at me. "Good."

"Dad, your voice!"

"My voice?"

"I forgot what it's s'posed to sound like," I giggle. "It's so loud. And annoying."

He snorts, giving my butt a smack for being silly. "Well now when ya tire of my naggin', you can just pull that thing out."

As quickly as it had come to life, it makes a crackling noise, a sudden beep, and then there are no more birds.

I pluck the aid out my ear, giving it a bittersweet look. It didn't last forever, but it was nice while it did.

He mumbles something; then, louder, "We'll find some more batteries soon. Sorry, baby."

"Don't be sorry." I say. "It was perfect."

After packing them back into the saddlebag, we leave to collect firewood together. I imagine the sounds of the birds around us.

Night comes. We can't stop it.

I pretend we're camping.

We're not stranded. No, we just decided to go on a camping trip together because we thought it would be fun. That's why we're all huddled around a campfire in the dark, instead of sleeping in our beds at the farm. I'm curled up against Dad's stomach, which is better than a bed, I think. Beth's cuddled into her Dad's side, too, staring into the flames while Maggie and Glenn whisper to each other beside them.

I wish we had a deck of cards. I wish any of us would wanna play.

We got nothing but a wall of stone to protect us from the forest on the other side, but I pretend that away, too.

I just focus on the sound of an owl hooting somewhere off in the trees. I bet it ain't scared. Owls; they know the night.

Tomorrow, we're gonna have cheap steak and ketchup for breakfast, and then Merle's gonna let me sit on his shoulders just like always.

"We're not safe with him," Carol suddenly mutters, and that's not something I can pretend away. I'm back here, now, and we're stranded. No steak. No ketchup. No Merle. "Keeping something like that from us. Why do we need him? He's just gonna pull us all down."

Maybe I don't wanna be camping, anyway. It's good enough right here, surrounded by the people I care about.

"Nah." Dad's voice is a rumble in my lower back. "Rick's done alright by me and mine."

I cuddle further into him, shuddering lightly as he rubs my cold arms. His leather vest don't make a great blanket.

"You're his henchman." She reminds him. "And I'm a burden."

He scoffs. "And Harley?"

"You both deserve better," She says softly, her face pensive in the orange light.

It don't matter what we deserve, I told Shane when he said the same thing.

Unamused, Dad pries, "What do you want?"

"A man of honor."

"Rick has honor."

They leave it at that. I think they wish we had a deck of cards, too.

The owl hoots again.

Then, a branch breaks.

CRACK.

I straighten.

"What was that?" Beth murmurs worriedly. "Was it a walker?"

We all stare off into the dark, ready to fight whatever might come out of it.

"Could be anythin'," Dad mumbles as he stands, readying his bow. "Could be a racoon. Could be a possum. Could be the Easter bunny."

Carol hugs herself. "We need to leave. I mean, what are we waiting for?"

"Which way?" Glenn asks.

Maggie points at the thin trees behind T-Dog. "It came from over there."

"That's back from where we came."

"Yeah."

"The last thing we need is for everyone to be running off in the dark." Rick scolds us, reminding us he's here. The light from the fire washes him in flame, the dried blood on his forehead glistening with sweat. "We don't have the vehicles. No one's travelling on foot."

"Don't panic," Herschel soothes us all calmly, still clutching his shotgun.

Maggie argues, "I'm— I'm not sittin' here, waitin' for another herd to blow through. We need to move. Now."

"No one is goin' anywhere," Rick snarls.

"Do something!"

"I am doin' somethin'!" He retorts. If he really was that rubber band, this is the part where he would snap in two. "I am keepin' this group together. Alive! I've been doing that all along, no matter what. I didn't ask for this. I shot my best friend for you people, for Christ's sakes! For you Daryl, and you, Harley. I was the one that took care of Jim. Me! Everything! Everything has been on me!"

I know I said we were supposed to be angry with him. But, actually, I think we're just scared.

Lori's holding Carl's head to her chest. Dad stands in front of me, as if he doesn't want me to see. T-Dog, Glenn, Maggie; all with their mouths sealed shut, not sure where to look, or what to say. Is this really the same Rick that comforted me at dinner?

"Maybe you people are better off without me." He shrugs, taunting us. "Sure. Go ahead."

I've never had to be a leader before. I did have to kill Shane, but Rick's done so much more for us. I'm not better off without him.

"I say there's a place for us out there, but maybe—" He's just rambling, now. "Maybe it's just another pipe dream. Maybe I'm— Maybe I'm fooling myself again. I'm just as much a sucker as Shane was. But, hey, why don't you go find out yourself?"

He sweeps his hand behind him, presenting us with the forest.

"Huh? Send me a postcard."

I can't hear the owl anymore. I think it flew away.

"Go on. There's the door. You think you can do better? Let's see how far you get."

I pull the leather of Dad's vest up to my face, shyly peeping over the top of it; breathing shakily. I don't want to see how far I can get. I want to stay right here with my people, whether we're starving or not; freezing or not. I think everyone else does, too.

Or at the very least, they want to stay here where there's a warm fire and guns.

"No takers?" He lilts. "Fine. But get one thing straight. If you're staying—"

He pins every single one of us with a look.

"— This isn't a democracy, anymore."

That word Dale used. The one that means things is fair.

Then he sits right back down where he was before, like he didn't just threaten to abandon us all.

Slowly, everyone else sits back down too, because there's nothing else to do. We all heard him. We can't leave. When Dad settles in behind me again, I squirrel into his chest, his arms wrapping around me. There's no sound except for the branches crackling in the fire and the heartbeat beneath his shirt. I don't know where we go from here. But I do know Dad will keep me safe, and Rick will keep the group safe. He's worked himself raw and bloody to make sure we survive. The fish fry, the CDC, the highway, Shane, the fall of the farm. All of it.

We didn't survive all that bullshit just to fall apart now. There's still something out there for us.

We just have to find it.

Author's Notes.

I sincerely hope you enjoyed 😊

I'm sad to see the farm go, but we had a nice time while we were there.

Please leave a comment! I'm anxious to hear from you all after so long :)

[the-togepi-man]

How is The Togepi Man doing? The men in your life taking care of you perhaps ?

Haha well, things are a bit.. rough right now I guess. Just a lot of things going on with a lot of people. I'm doing my best to make sure I can support and care about the folks that matter to me- it just almost seems like bad news comes in faster than good these days. That and I want to have high faith in the election but I can't help but to worry. As for the men- Sean is off on business again until Saturday morning, but he's doing amazing at work. I'm honestly so proud of him and all that he does - It sucks that he travels so much but I know it's going to secure an awesome future for he and I and any partner we pick up along the way bahaha. I just gotta do what I can to support him. Plus I'm not too bad on my own- I can handle it. This time of year that tends to happen a lot anyways. Kinda cant stand the holiday season if we're being honest! As for other men, there aren't any. I'm trying to learn more about myself and become a little bit of a better version of me for the friends I have right now. I tried hookups and some apps and stuff but it's not really clicking with me right now, that or im not clicking with others. Anyhow, had a good talk with my buddy the other day (but even if he said i sound like a sad steven universe song), felt like I was able to clarify myself and understand him better. Learning how to talk with someone that matters to you is a cool feeling i think. Reminded me of when I first met Sean and just didnt fully understand him at all. Took about two-ish years for us to start clicking but now we rock haha. Grew my world view and helped me be able to understand and love more folks

Things are rough around me right now, and my little heart beats quite a lot, but things will be ok

[specialagentlokitty]

Daryl x reader - no angels here

Part 11:

You and Balthazar made your way to the seal that you had placed in the middle of the community, he stood on one end while you stood on the other.

Pulling two knives from your belt, you handed him one and he held it to his hand and you did the same thing.

“Is this going to destroy the earth? Cause I mean I’m not down for that.” He said.

“No idiot, it’s going to strengthen the barrier, create another seal which will be half my power and half yours, if I die, you come here and break that seal, break them both, my power will become yours.”

Balthazar looked at you in worry.

“You’re not going to die though, right?”

You gave a sad smile, shrugging a little bit.

“I can’t be sure, but just in case. I want a back up plan you know? Because if they kill me they will come here, they will try to destroy this community.”

“I know…”

Balthazar gripped the blade in his hand and you did the same thing.

Blood from both of you followed the seal you had already made, and it created another larger circle around it, creating a second part to the seal which was half beige and half gold with a hint of black.

You both began chanting in different languages, letting the seal spread out in all different directions, creating larger and larger seals.

When you were done, the seals faded into the ground, your wounds healed and you both put your knives back into your belts.

You walked over to him, turning back to the sky to see more so called stars falling to the earth, every time one of them hunt the ground there was a small vibration.

“How long do you think we have?”

You knelt down, placing your hand on the ground.

“Going by the amount of them landing, probably a day, two at most I would guess.”

“The whole of heaven?”

“No, a good amount of them though. I imagine it’s for show, they know they can’t deal with me. Only two angels could.”

“Lucifer and Micheal.”

You nodded your head, and stood up.

“Lucifer really doesn’t care what happens up here, and I’m his favourite so he wouldn’t do it, Micheal on the other hand he’s a bastard, he could have a good chance at fighting me.”

“So you reckon it’ll be the all righteous Micheal?”

You nodded again.

“Yup, he’s always hated me anyhow, if it weren’t for the fact my fate was a mass vote in heaven he would have killed me. Instead he got to come up with my punishment.”

“Are you sure you want to do this alone?”

“I haven’t too, you need to stay here to keep these people safe Balth.”

You spent the night getting everything ready, building your power, checking your make sure you had all your weapons.

You were doing this well into day, sitting on the tallest spot in Alexandria, staring at your knife and your halo.

You wanted to bring it with you but you knew better, this is what Micheal would use in order to get the upper hand in the fight.

Putting your knife away, you grabbed your halo and jumped down on the street, making your way to the church where the council was meeting.

You walked inside, straight over to Daryl and you set it down in front of him.

“I want to say thank you but what the fuck is this?” He asked.

“It’s my halo. I need you to keep it safe.”

He carefully took it, and he set it next to where he was sat on the bench.

“Alright, why?”

“Just.. I need you to look after it for now.”

Daryl furrowed his brows a little bit and you smiled gently at him.

“Thank you.”

You turned around and left, making your way to the gate.

“Hey!”

You stopped to look at Daryl and the others as they came over.

“Where are going?” Gabriel asked.

“There’s some things I need to do, I’ll be right back.”

“Nah, you’re gonna go fight them.” Daryl said.

A heavy mist rolled into the community and you began backing away.

“I’m sorry everybody.”

You spun around, jogging towards the gates in order to try get out of them before anybody found you.

Your plan didn’t go as you thought because apparently as soon as everybody’s vision was clouded Daryl ran straight for you.

He knew these streets like the back of his hand, and he cut you off, standing in front of you.

“I ain’t lettin’ you go alone.”

“Daryl this isn’t a debate, these are celestial beings, and dear my father be a badass when it comes to walkers and people, but angels? They would kill you in a heartbeat.”

“They’ll kill you if you go alone!”

You walked over, placing your hands on his shoulders, moving one of them up his neck to his cheek, running your thumb along his skin.

You smiled softly at him, brushing some hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear.

“Daryl… I’m an Angel… I have demonic powers… I’ve fought my brother before.. I can do it again..”

“Yeah, you had wings then. The fuck are you gonna do if he takes off huh? You clearly ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

You sighed softly.

“Daryl I know you want to come with me, but I can’t let that happen.. I’m sorry..”

“I’m comin’ with you.”

You brought your other hand up, placing it on the back of his head, pulling it down to press your forehead against his.

“Listen to me darling…”

You took his hand, leading up to the curb and you sat him down, crouching down in front of him, taking his hands in yours.

“Daryl I love you so much… I never thought I could love anybody.. let alone love someone the way I love you…”

He let out a sound which sounded like a scoff, but you knew it wasn’t actually a scoff.

“Stop.”

“I cannot bring you into this fight knowing that you’ll die within seconds.. Micheal he… he can destroy living creatures with the snap of his fingers… I’ve seen him do it before… he’ll do that with you…”

You sighed a little bit, resting your head on his knuckles.

“I’m not going to stand there and watch my own brother kill you… it’s bad enough I probably have to kill him.. but I’m not going to watch him take away the man I love…”

You closed your eyes.

“I need you to stay here and keep my halo safe, because if he gets his hands on that, if he breaks it he’ll kill me…”

“What if I accidentally break it or some shit?”

You laughed a little bit, lifting your head to look at him.

“You can’t break it darling don’t worry, only celestials can, so you’re fine.”

He nodded his head.

“Still comin’.”

“You can’t, okay? You just can’t. I’m doing this to protect you, I’m sorry.”

You stood up, backing away to head to the gates.

“I’m trying to protect you!”

This made you stop.

Daryl stood up, running a hand through his hair, and he marched over, standing in front of you.

“All this fuckin’ time I’ve protected you, kept you safe. Now you just think amma let you walk into that shitfest alone? Nah. Ain’t happening.”

“I have to do this alone Daryl, for everybody here, for you.”

“I have to come with you for you!”

“Daryl you can’t! I’m not going to let you come!”

You clenched your jaw a little bit, wings stretching out a little out of reflex to try and intimidate him.

He scoffed this time.

“Put that shit away you ain’t scaring me.”

“I’m doing this alone and that’s final!” You snapped.

“No you ain’t!”

“You have this hero complex where you think you have to save everybody Daryl but you can’t save me! Don’t you get that?! You can’t save me! I’m too far gone! You’re doing this because you think you have to!”

Daryl stormed over, grabbing your face in his hands he slammed his lips on to yours, moving one of his hands to the back of your head.

You grabbed his jacket, pulling him in closer closing your eyes as you leant into the kiss.

Daryl pulled away, brushing his nose against yours.

“You ain’t too far gone dumbass…” he whispered.

Daryl pulled away, and you smiled gently at him.

“I ain’t doing this because I have too… I’m doing this because I… I guess I love you too…”

You laughed a little bit at that, leaning up to quickly kiss him again before stepping away.

“I’m so sorry… but this is for your own good…”

You placed your hand the side of his face, and caught his body as he fell limp, lowering him to the ground.

Taking your jacket off you folded it and placed it under his head.

Reaching into your pocket, you placed a blue flower into the pocket of his jacket, leant down and kissed his forehead pushing yourself up.

You finally made your way to the gates and jumped over them, following the road down to where you knew the army against you was gathering.

The sun was high in the sky, and clasped your hands behind your back as you looked at the angels lined up on each side of the road as you approached.

“What a welcoming party, I could never imagine you would do this if I returned to heaven.” You mused.

You stopped short of a crossroad, hours away from Alexandria, in the middle of nowhere.

You watched as a black haired man with pristine white wings folded against his back.

“Ah Micheal. You still look like a dick.”

He chuckled a little.

“As pleasant as ever I see (Y/N), have you come to finally kneel, accept your fate and the fate of this cursed world?”

You scoffed a little bit.

“You would like that huh? Get rid of the Angel that kicked your ass halfway across heaven, and burnt your own little slice of happiness to the ground.”

“That library held some of the only books created spamming thousands of years back!”

“Oh relax dear brother of mine, they’re just books.”

Micheal sneered and you smirked a little bit.

“You killed your own siblings.”

“Oh please so have you, so what? You’re creating pitiful angels just to try and scare me.”

Micheal clenched his jaw.

“If you give yourself up now, I’ll leave those humans you care for alone.”

“Yeah, I know that you won’t do that. I’m not stupid Micheal.”

He pulled out a sword, and you pulled out your knife which made him scoff.

“Serious? A knife to a sword fight?”

“Oh how cute you brought a toy knife to a fight to the death.”

You laughed bitterly.

“Oh? You think this is what I’m going to use to kill you? No, this was just the starer.”

You tossed the knife into the air, the sun glinting of it, and you caught the hilt of a sword, twirling it between your fingers.

“No Micheal, but I’m sure you remember my sword that father gave me right? Traps any souls I harvest inside of it, and I’m going to trap yours, then I’m going to throw you into the deepest pit of hell.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Micheal lunged for you, and you easily dodged his attack, hiding your wings from him.

He went to slam his elbow into your back and you dodged him again, swinging your sword only for him to block it with his own.

You stood side to side with him, your red eyes locked on to his golden ones, and you grinned a little bit.

“I’m going to enjoy killing you…”

You kicked your leg under his, and he rolled backwards to jump back up, swinging his sword, white flames coming straight for you and you countered it with your own, sending both in all directions.

“I’m going to kill all of you if I have too! If you get in my way you’re dead!” You yelled.

You lunged for Micheal again, flames burning away at your body as you attack him head on with your whole strength

[desertfangs]

Ohhh I love your “obscure” headcanons so much! Armand is definitely the pettiest, bitchiest drama queen who ever lived (and I love him for it) and while I don’t think he’s outright lying in the sense that… while there’s obviously some discrepancies re: what he says and what actually happened, he also believes his own version of reality and he uses it as a coping mechanism (unlike some other vamps in the series who are just good old fashioned liars lol). To him, those aren’t really lies, but what he’s told himself to believe in order to move forward and survive. Also! Daniel 100% tells him he loves him while he’s a mortal, IIRC it’s mentioned how they fight and make up a lot and always reconcile with kisses and blood exchanges, and Daniel says “I love you, give me more”, or something along those lines. TVA!Armand really tried it but we remember 😌

Oh thank you, LOL. Yes, he is petty AF. But I totally agree, I think you're spot on about Armand and how in that moment, that is his version of reality. He isn't lying in an intentional sense about the Daniel stuff. He's in such a terrible headspace, he feels abandoned and lost, he just tried to commit suicide, and his mental state is not good (understatement of the year). So when he says things like "no one alive ever said they loved me" or "we never got our springtime" or whatever, these are things that absolutely feel true to him. He's so absorbed in his own pain and sadness, he can't really recall the good.

I do think there's part of him that is lashing out and wants to hurt Daniel on some level, but yes, largely it's just... he's so hurt himself that he cannot think of their relationship as anything but a total failure. He's seeing it through the lens of 'He left me, he doesn't love me, it's all bad.' 😭 He may remember Daniel saying he loves him but in that moment, those words no longer feel true so he might as well not have said it at all, you know? (Okay, now I'm depressed.)

Of course, we know he did. Like you said, he does actually say it in QotD: "It would end with the embrace, the kiss, the blood stinging him, the shroud of dreams closing over him like a great net, hunger! I love you! Give me more!"

But also even if it wasn't directly stated, Devil's Minion is like 40 pages that covers 12 years of their life together! Twelve years! That's a hell of a long time. We get bits and pieces of their conversations, mere snippets and little anecdotes. There's a lot that isn't included.

I have no doubt Daniel told him he loved him, verbally and otherwise, literally hundreds of times. Probably thousands. I would bet cash money Daniel has several of those times recorded on home video, even. I can only imagine Daniel reading that line and going "You've got to be kidding me." (The most mild reaction he will have to anything in TVA, tbh.)

Anyhow, thank you for the message, anon!

[to-know-how-it-ends]

Outsiders Thoughts

Hi! Been a while since I've actually posted something, and I had the extreme honor of getting to see the Outsiders like 2 and a half months ago, and now that I've had more than enough time to process it I figured I would put down my thoughts! I'm going to start from the beginning, then keep going. Forgive the numerous parentheticals -- I absolutely loved this show and can't shorten my review. I had been listening to the cast album since it came out, looking at all the posts, hoping but never considering that I would actually be able to go. I got a gift of tickets to go with a friend and it was an AMAZING experience.

First thing's first -- important to note that I am not from New York, so Broadway culture in general is very interesting to me. Most shows I am lucky to see come on tour. It was very wild getting to see everyone's faces and the details on stage so clearly even from a mezzanine seat, something that isn't very normal for me and was awesome.

Anyhow, so I got in line with the person I went to see it with, put on all my bracelets I had made for the cast (I was kinda sad because both my Ace and Paul bracelets broke [several times haha] but what can you do) and went into the theater. That night we saw most of the original cast, except for Josh Strobl as Johnny (flawless-- I'll get to that later) and Milena Comeau as Ace (also fantastic). The ushers were really nice, and one of them complimented my outfit which made my night (among other things -- again, we'll get to that later). We sat down and listened to the music that plays before the show starts. I saw in a post by @throwing-in-the-towel that multiple songs play, but something must have been weird or it was on loop because I'm fairly certain I heard Jesus Was A Cross Maker about 10 times in a row (things happen!).

Anyhow now for the actual show where my thoughts will be more rambly

It was so cool to see Brody on the tire before the show started. No clue what he's writing in there, but he was QUITE focused on what he was writing. I could see people in orchestra trying to wave at him, which I think may have been kind of rude but I also don't know

anyway so the show started but there's no turn your phone off please, blah blah blah warning so it was kind of startling when it started, that's okay though because it definitely pulls you in

Tulsa 67

Tulsa 67 was just -- so amazing. I saw what I saw from watching the Tonys, but seeing the choreography in person was AMAZING. I constantly was hyperfocusing on one or two of the dancers (Especially Daryl Tofa and Milena) throughout the show which might have caused me to miss some things but I think that's okay because it was astonishing

Seeing the screen fade to Darry and Soda in the beginning made my heart drop into my stomach. I don't even know how to explain it. I wanted to cry 20 seconds into the show, because these characters felt so REAL

The introduction to Josh Strobl's Johnny was when I knew he was fantastic, just the way he carries himself is SO johnny. His voice was so sweet, I fell in love with the character that I loved so much in the book all over again.

The scene where Bob and the Socs beat up Ponyboy felt kind of like BAM because it's not something I expected to see right after the opening number. That being said, it makes sense plot-wise so it worked. Kevin William Paul as Bob was so Menacing (the capital was intentional) like he TRULY hated greasers. It's hard to sympathize with a guy like that -- kinda wish they showed more about how his heart could be "good" but also understand why they didn't. First act is pretty much solely Ponyboy's perspective.

Grease Got A Hold

LOVED the introduction to all the characters. They seemed so genuine, Jason and Brent have such amazing chemistry as stage brothers, and Daryl as Two-Bit was hilarious.

His like cracking up for a solid 10 seconds before he says "got one of their hubcaps"

was a little sad at the reducing of Steve as a character, but also I get it in terms of the plot -- it doesn't change the story much.

the choreography in grease got a hold is so good. Truly. with all the gravel everywhere, truly adds to the grittiness of the show. I knew how it looked partially because of the performances that are on youtube and from the tonys, but the way they make use of the set is so cool

Josh Boone's stage presence as Dally is unmatched. Seriously. Get this man a Tony. I'll get to more of this later, but wow. And his riffs in Grease Got A Hold. don't even get me started.

daryl's delivery of "you better bet your life" is different from the cast recording but in SUCH a good way.

I always love the part that's a-capella with the claps because it reminds me of come from away. can't really explain it, it just does and I love it

everyone making fun of Darry when he sings his verse -- cracked me up

Also jason schmidt -- just wow. what a performance. he has such a hold on you (if you'll forgive the pun) the moment you see him because I feel like you can tell that he's so much more than an airhead/flirt/etc. from the get-go. jason's portrayal of him is so perfect.

how physically affectionate the gang seems with each other

Runs in the Family

someone give brent comer a tony

no seriously he was fantastic. there isn't much movement in the song, but you don't need it. you can feel his pain. his frustration. they could never make me hate Darrel Shaynne Curtis

AND HIS VOICE. actually my favorite in the entire show

when the gang comes in and Ace is like "hey Darry got any chocolate cake", and the gang is all scooching together with big old smiles on their faces watching tv while Darry's scrubbing the kitchen

all of darry and pony's interactions are laced with so much tension, it's palpable. and darry's inherent mistrust of dally is very real

that being said -- dally is A LOT nicer in the musical. like no way would he hug pony and johnny in the book, or outwardly say how much he cared about them, even if you know that's how he felt. I do like how he's portrayed here but it is very different.

Great Expectations

love the whole scene beforehand

the 544 pages thing cracks me up

they all have such good brotherly chemistry, but I also feel like Jason Schmidt could have chemistry with a brick wall -- seems like he is the reason the brothers all mesh so well together

when they all look up at the train sound -- ahhh

Now for the song -- WHOA

okay so I was obsessed with the song when it came out, but after listening to it many many times I got kind of less excited about it. HOWEVER. Seeing and hearing great expectations live was an out-of-body experience. The harmonies! The high notes! The fact that Two-Bit and Ace look like they're floating. I truly can't put into words how beautiful that scene is.

the scene with Dally and Johnny made me cry, a little, but that's not hard to do lol

feel like this is poor theatre etiquette because I am like 99 percent sure you are not supposed to laugh when Johnny's like "I think he might kill her" but people were laughing and I was like seriously?!

the amazing chemistry between josh boone dally and josh strobl johnny. never seen sky but I hear his and josh boones chemistry is fantastic as well. josh strobl feels so ethereal as johnny. don't know if I'm explaining it right, but his voice is so sweet, he really feels like a kid.

the way Johnny physically pushed Dally away from going into his house, curling into himself afterwards, and how sad Dally looks after that

Friday at the Drive-In

I love emma pittman. i will probably say this several times. her stage presence is remarkable.

choreography was stellar as always

two-bit and steve seemed like on visibly hostile terms with Paul. like paul kept whispering to the other soc boys and looking back at two-bit and steve, and they kept being like Paul! paaaauuul! it was very entertaining

love the dynamic of the Soc girls. Cherry is so joyful, Marcia just looks happy to be there, and Bev is there with her happy snappy smile while she's looking at all the greasers like they're dirt

Ngl i'm kinda bored of writing thoughts for every song and I've been working on this post for a month lol so I'm just gonna give basic thoughts

two-bit's scream in justice for tulsa absolutely broke me. every time I think about it -- same effect.

at the second great expectations bit in far away from tulsa I started crying, it was so beautiful and I knew it was coming but like! the power in those voices!

Little Brother is probably my favorite scene in the entire show. josh boone's grief as dally is SO palpable -- and the background vocals also made me cry.

In the scene before stay gold soda genuinely looked like he was having a panic attack and darry and pony both looked so scared

I did not know how much I needed josh strobl singing stay gold

in the cast album I can't hear it as well, but live I heard the gorgeous harmony by daryl and brody for "everybody loves to judge us" and I may be wrong but daryls part of the harmony sounds almost exactly like the tune for "they say there's strength in numbers" in great expectations. do with that as you will

SO yeah the show defied my expectations, it was brilliant, I was in tears by the end, but we left our seats as soon as it ended because we were in the mezzanine and I wanted to get a spot at the stagedoor. The cast were so kind and genuinely gracious and excited to talk to the people at the stagedoor (including me). I wish I had said more but I was kind of starstruck -- I gave the cast the bracelets that I had made. The people that came out that night were kevin William paul, Kevin csolak (this was when he was still in the show!), melody , josh strobl, sarahgrace, emma , brent comer, daryl tofa, milena and jason . their reactions to the bracelets were so sweet! Emma did a little dance with hers, lol, and you can see it for a split second on one of her vlogs which was so cool to see after the fact. kwp was so kind, he complimented my magen david necklace and I believe I melted. Daryl was there but I missed him -- sg was signing my playbill and I was talking to her so he moved on the the next person and kept going -- which makes sense! I was so glad to see him though and he seemed really happy. I gave the rest of the bracelets I made to emma who said she would give them to the cast members who didn't come out (thank you emma!).

BUT

The next day, my grandmother and I won the suffs lottery and got to go see that show (which I'll post about later) and I got out to stagedoor there while the outsiders stagedoor was in full swing across the street. people were SCREAMING. The suffs cast had some guests come in so they didn't come out so early on, so I was like, why don't I cross the street, see if I can thank/express my awe to some cast members I didn't get to meet last night while I wait for the suffs cast to come outsara. AND I DID! I got to meet josh boone, who I extolled my highest praise to (I was probably babbling lol) and he was SO KIND, and I met daryl tofa and we had a fun conversation about friendship bracelets and took a picture which was amazing. Fully did not expect that that was going to happen that night.

Long story short the outsiders is amazing and definitely one of my favorite musicals ever with such a sweet and talented cast. go see it if you can!

[galedekarios]

Hello! How are you? Thank you so much for your answers about BG3. I am a little bit frustrated because I try to get a glimpse of all thé romance but most of the videos are about Astarion which is totally okay don’t get me wrong but still. So thank you for providing us with some Gale content. Do you know any creators or people that romanced Wyll and Karlach because I saw à lot of négative comments about how Wyll romance is boring and got less content than the others. Thank you!

thank you for your message! i'm doing well at the moment and i hope you are, too. 🖤

i plan to make many more gale edits--especially of his romance--because i find it extremely well done on all accounts. i'm just trying to pace myself.

i have tried wyll's romance on a gale origin playthrough because with the choices that i picked, they just vibed really well together and wyll's approval and morals are very aligned with gale's own.

wyll's first romance scene, which you get in act ii, is actually incredibly sweet and i loved it very much. what i was a bit... disappointed with, i suppose, was the second romance scene in act iii, which felt very abrupt and just not at all on the same level as his previous one.

[spoilers below]

in his first romance scene in act ii, he shares a dance with the protag and it's just a joy to watch: it's beautifully animated, the music is amazing and i'm very sad it's not on the official soundtrack as far as i can tell.

the second romance scene you get in act iii feels... rushed and a bit out of the blue considering all that's going on. the animations are very janky. i don't know if it's due to being only rigged for a female body type at the moment or if it's a bug, but yes. that was the first thing that completely took me out of the scene. it's a really stark downgrade in quality, i think. i included screenshots because of this so you have a visual comparison of the level quality.

he basically takes you to a fabled old oak, growing near baldur's gate and he tells you a story that completely comes out of left field, picks up an acorn of said oak, tells you his mother always said there was a touch of wishing magic in it (again, it's completely out of the blue bc he never once mentioned his mother before and just doesn't match thematically with what's going on in his quest or the main quest). he then sort of proposes to you with that acorn--again, very sudden when all you did before was share a dance--and if you accept, then you get a kiss and a roll on the grass with a fade to black:

again, i cannot stress how rushed this scene feels, how unfinished and how short it is. i think it's a bit over a minute overall.

i'm very sad about it because the start of wyll's was very strong and he deserved better. all in all, i don't think wyll's romance suffers from being boring at all. his re-write is very good and i like his character a lot now compared to early access. what i do think it suffers from is that it feels rushed and has not received the same care and polish as some of the other companions have. there's little to explore in terms of how he feels about the protag even between those scenes compared to, say, gale's and, as i've heard, astarion's.

my next playthrough will perhaps explore karlach's romance. i'll definitely let you know how that goes!

anyhow, i'm sorry this got so long, but i hope it was helpful!

[auset66]

A theme I want to discuss is Ambitions engulfing the native. Riches to Rags can we say or spiritual Liberation? ⭕️❔️

Let's dive into this black hole..... 🕳

Starting with the kdrama "Anna" staring Bae Suzy can someone explain why it looks very either jyestha or Purva bhadrapada and nothing in between?

Yet again it gives me same vibes as the famous horror movie "pearl" staring Mia Goth?

And no not just "vibes" it's the same message I feel just different fonts. Pearl feels more like a bit straight up reckless while Anna on the other hand feels more structured able to handle it all inside. Same like Griffith from "berserk" anime.

Yet all three of them have same inside feelings.... something they want, something material Related to world. A sense of hole, insecurity, fear they want to run away from and for that they can go to any lenghts making World turning against them till they become the monster they can no longer hold? No I don't feel that with yohan from "monster" anime or "light" from death note. I don't know why or what makes all of them same yet so different. All three of them wanting something big for themselves they did worked for it hard then why only them getting beaten by villian arc and dead end so bad? Turning their dream into death bed? (Metaphorically).

And I have two more example for my bollywood lovers. Wanna hear it? "Rockstar" though his journey was more of like good boy to liberation very Jupiter like straight up. Though still I think it has some of it... a bit...here and there.

Though Another one being "Dirty Picture" staring Vidya balan, is something I feel same message yet again. A rebellious countryside girl having strict parents and low on money dreaming of being the super star. She runs away from home and achieves immense success in the male-dominated film industry. Crawling her way on top. However, this exacts a heavy price from her. Slowly, she loses her innocence, sanity, familial bonds and at the end her life too.

Three more examples actually with the same theme. One being Kdrama "sky castle" and other two being real life case of:

1. Indrani Mukerjea and 2. Harshad Mehta

One fairytale yet toned down version of it (according to me) I feel is Ariel from "The Little Mermaid" with her wanting to experience the land world with legs which is unthinkable straight up. Then achieving it somehow anyhow selling her TRUTH (her voice) and getting to her ambitions walking on "stairs of lies" and "other bad means" (getting help from ursula) After achieving it finally it all shattering yet again. But in this the native overcome and come out victorious as opposed to other examples where it ends with either severe punishment or someone's death or making the native villain. 🌋

Now i know all these examples vary a bit from each other, some extreme to others some toned down but they still have the same theme and message. An ambitious native wanting the world due to knowing the reality of it all from a very early age, with chaotic dark past and harsh childhood. They do everything they can to run away from it, not wanting to face the same reality again. The "FEAR" always is there, like their past life will come and drag them back to hell. This (most of the material things) even though can be out of reach almost unthinkable they work hard very hard for it, their world around this dream based on LIES AND OTHER BAD WAYS, USING OF PEOPLE. just before they can fully achieve it or just after they feel like they finally got it. ALL SHATTERS. Most of the time giving a sad ending to the native making them the villain.

I don't know you tell me what do you think? What nakshtra is this? And why? And what's the actual message here? I don't understand myself fully. Because Jyestha isn't supposed to die down by its weight of ambitions and Purva Bhadrapada isn't supposed to even run towards these "validations" in the first place it all comes natural to them. [Technically]

Could it be Vishakha cause I have seen many male celebs suffering big time with law, making them go from Richs to Rags and many severe consequences. But then again if it is, then why not women? Cause I don't see this theme with vishakha women. 🌬⚓️

Or could it be Ardra because of not just rahu (the influence of rahu beyond right and wrong) but because of first time experiencing rahu (own mind opinons thinking and luxury)? Thats why only ardra i dont see that theme being in other two (swati and shatabhisha). Just more or less "same" journey as lucifer.🌪⚡️

Or could it be Mrigashira wanting to run away from source as much as it can to experience full on freedom? 🎡🌆

Or could it be simply just their karma and Saturn now getting back at them? 🪐🎠

So I am yet again confused, It did hit me just now. Like man that's life of a hell. ☄️🗑

[teddysgrahms]

my anderperry playlist and song explanations because I am gay

• Those magic changes by sha na na

One of my favorite songs from grease and also about the night and moment of falling in love and the blissful joy of that moment. The song has an element of angst to it but I look past it. like that is so anderperry I’m sorry? me when I fell in love to those magic changes?

• I melt with you by modern English

this song is about having s3x during a nuclear apocalypse but for my intents and purposes it’s about being with your lover at the end of the world and melting together metaphorically (and physically!) I just think they would die for each other idk

• (Feels like) heaven by fiction factory

the vibes are so excellent in this song + spending time with your lover is heaven in and of itself. they just. really like being together.

• la vie en rose by louis armstrong

this song makes me um explode I imagine them dancing poorly to this in their living room and stepping on each other’s feet and giggling and stumbling over one another and they are the most precious things ever?

• thirteen by big star

this song gives off the vibe of school age crushes and young romance and first love nerves and that’s just so them. it’s literally them your honor

• electric blue by icehouse

i think of this song as neil’s initial feelings for todd, lord of nerves and uncertainty and jitters because wow this boy is cute

• futile devices

a long-lasting love that’s become so natural it’s hard to put into words. I associate this one strongly with todd and how he handles his feelings about neil. sometimes words are not enough, and that is okay

• good old-fashioned lover boy by Queen

Neil is THE good old-fashioned loverboy and I will not hear otherwise. he’d be such a little gentleman and plan cute dates and do everything in his power to make things amazing and even when things aren’t great his effort is duly noted and appreciated

• put your head on my shoulder by Paul anka

I don’t think I need to explain myself. they enjoy a good cuddle. they’re in love. what more must i say

• dream a little dream of me by Doris day

hail Queen Doris Day this song is so adorable just the vibes alone are so anderperry core. like dream of me when you sleep tonight. we could stay up all night but you will see me in your dreams anyhow I love you <3

• i can dream, can’t i? by the andrews sisters

this one is a bit sad because the speaker is convinced they have no chance with their romantic interest. this is very todd core to me. he’d think he has no shot with neil but he can always dream (we are dreaming of tomorrow but tomorrow isn’t coming?)

• my romance by doris day

very neil coded. he doesn’t need anything special he just needs Todd and that’s good enough for him.

• time after time by iron & wine

beautiful cover by an all-time classic. they will always be there for each other, to find one another when they’re lost and catch the other when they fall

• old black train by the blasting company

the vibes are delectable. It feels like running away from home and searching for something unknown, a sort of yearning for a better life than the one you have. I imagine them running away together and being frightful and uncertain yet assured knowing they have each other. (but that lingering sense of “You can’t go back” is ever present and it’s nearly dreadful!)

• dear wormwood by the oh hellos

so. um. if u know me u know I’m a neil kinnie and uh. girlies this song is so him it actually makes me sick. I’ve put some songs in this playlist that are more specific to either Neil or todd individually and this is one of them. the self-discovery. the growth to demand better for yourself and refuse to be treated as less than by a parental figure. so fucking delicious. ugh.

• you’re the one by the vogues

adorable vibes and an overall cute song about loving your partner wholeheartedly. upbeat and catchy. I can imagine them dancing to this one also but in a more upbeat way

• thursday by asobi seksu

ngl this song changed me as a person I think ummm this just gives me todd vibes? something about losing your way, feeling lost and searching for anything to latch onto, holding on to the people closest to you out of fear they may leave at any moment….

• amoeba by clairo

the second todd song. are you a man or an amoeba? damn what if he felt more like an amoeba, like he just goes with how things are and never speaks or acts to how he feels and wants to do things? what if he was barely living?

• the book of love by the magnetic fields

This song makes me INSANE it’s so CUTE they are just so in love and they love each other and hearing the other read or sing or do anything asgghhhurufuh

• satellite by guster

they see each other almost like beacons or lifelines to look to, constants that are safe and reassuring. they are each other’s home.

• im a fool to want you by Frank Sinatra

again that idea of “I have no chance I’m stupid for liking you” but still being unable to change how you feel and just having to live with this heartbreak that has yet to occur

• it only takes a moment from hello, dolly!

Fun fact: this song got me through costume making. this song is in wall-e and aside from being one of the most beautiful songs ever in existence it is SO….I can’t even begin to describe. something about being loved enough for a whole lifetime in only a brief moment….do you think that even though the time neil and todd had together was short it was some of if not the best time of their lives?

• dancing in the moonlight by king harvest

another dancing song! I can see all the poets dancing to this truthfully. very cute song and I just adore the vibes and rhythm

• hopelessly devoted to you by olivia newton-john

this one is a bit dramatic for them but I can see Neil performing this with theatrical effort and intense dramatics

• love me as though there were no tomorrow by nat king cole

euggahhhhhhhhh love me like this is the last chance we’ll ever have……

• earth angel by the penguins

i think they both see each other as like blessings or miracles because their meeting improved both of their lives immensely and may quite possibly have been the best thing to happen to either of them

• you, my love by frank sinatra

i think this one aligns with how Todd feels about neil and how grateful he is to have him in his life. idk man they’re in love

• love letters by nat king cole

can’t remember how this one goes but I know the vibes are good and very them

• when I fall in love by Doris day

This Song is so gorgeous and ggrhehehhhaa I’m gonna break something it’s just so???? they????

• you send me by sam cooke

they both get flustered by how loving the other is and they’re just so damn adorable

• in the still of the night by the five satins

they . they’re in love.

okay that��s all thank youuuu