#it made so many songs have new interpretations and meanings

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

I don’t think any of the forthcoming vaults will recontextualize the album in quite the same way that Red’s vault did.

[cosmicsociology]

Hi, I am up at 2 AM. I think was actually onto something from a previous post.

I was going back to some parts of The Dark Forest to grab quotes and I saw this:

Together, the 5,500 crewmembers were like an infant who had been cut from its cord, then cruelly tossed into the abyss of space. Like that infant, there nothing they could do but cry. Yet Zhang Beihai’s calm eyes were a strong force field that upheld the stability of the formation and helped them maintain their military poise. Children cast aside into the endless night needed a father most of all, and now, like Dongfang Yanxu, they found the power of that father in the person of this ancient soldier.

[ohdorothea]

Which Taylor Swift Song is Queerer? Album by Album Tournament - Bonus Round

Welcome back to the Taylor Swift’s Queerest Song Album by Album tournament!!! We have reached the end of the album tournaments and four songs from each of Taylor’s albums have been voted to be The Queerest songs from each album. All of those songs will be competing in the Ultimate Bracket, alongside the top four songs from the Unreleased and Miscellaneous rounds that are ongoing. There are still eight slots left to be filled in the bracket. So welcome to…. the Bonus Round!!!

At the above link you can find a Google form in which you can cast eight votes! I have chosen from all the songs that didn’t make the final cut and picked 26 that I believe deserve a second chance. The songs you can choose from are…

1. A Place In This World

2. Better Than Revenge

3. But Daddy I Love Him

4. champagne problems

5. Change

6. Crazier

7. Cruel Summer

8. Eyes Open

9. Fortnight

10. Getaway Car

11. Glitch

12. I Wish You Would

13. Labyrinth

14. ME!

15. Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince

16. My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys

17. Paris

18. Peter

19. Snow On The Beach ft More Lana*

20. Stay Stay Stay

21. Tied Together With a Smile

22. The Man

23. The Manuscript

24. The Other Side of the Door

25. The Lucky One

26. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

I have also written a voting guide below the cut with my reasoning for including each of the songs with links to anything I think might sway your vote!

This Google form will be open until the 1st of June so you have until then to decide where to allocate those eight votes!

*original Snow On The Beach did not win a place in the final tournament

Bonus Round Voting Guide (made by ME!)

A Place In This World

I think this song is queer because… This is the original Swiftian song about questioning your place in a heteronormative cis world.

If The Outside is about begging to be let into that world, this is the song about sensing deep down that even if you could fit into that world it’s not the place for you.

This is the song about wanting to get away from the restriction of trying to be someone else even if it means being isolated, even if it means having no one else on your side, because you know there is a place out there that is meant for you.

I think this is cemented by the A Place In This World x New Romantics mash up Taylor played on the final night of The Eras Tour

Better Than Revenge

I think this song is queer because… This song has oh so many of the classic Swiftian queer motifs!!! Triangulation of desire (shout out to Kathryn’s betty essay for teaching me the concept), referring to boyfriends as ‘toys’, revenge, spending a song that is meant to be about losing a guy talking about a girl instead, walking the line between fury and horny, the list goes on!!

Also in the outro she literally asks the woman to “show me how much better you are” and if that’s not a lesbian proposition I don’t know what is.

I also want to link to this PowerPoint that also makes a lot of great points

But Daddy I Love Him

I think this song is queer because… while there are many interpretations that fit this song to me it screams gay awakening in a small religious community and fantasising about breaking out of misogynistic homophobic culturally expected ‘self control’.

Running with her dress unbuttoned, being pregnant out of wedlock, her lover being described as ‘crazy’ by her community all point to a narrator who feels confined by the expectations put on her by her religion/religious community.

“If all you want is grey for me / Then it's just white noise / And it's just my choice” also follows in the vein of OOTW / illicit affairs / Question…?/The Prophecy lyrics comparing life without this type of love as grey/colourless and life with the love as colourful, a motif I very much consider to be queer.

I also think the tour staging of the song very much is telling a queer narrative

The song starts and the dancers are all in white coming from this grey colourless world behind them (very Wizard of Oz)

And Taylor/the narrator is in front (imo imagery matching the image of a young queer person being the first person they know to come out/realise their own queerness)

Skipping to further in the choreography, Taylor is standing in the middle of what seems like a community gathering/religious gathering and then goes to her knees, following the dancers in choreography that looks like prayer/begging/pleading

But then as the story of the song progresses she gets up (Tonight we'll stand, get off our knees anyone?)

And not only that as she rises through the air she is surrounded by flames! It gives me the image of someone who has been told being queer is a sin that will send them to hell and now she’s just embracing the flames

Shout out to this post as well as it helped form my thoughts

champagne problems

I think this song is queer because… I have since first listen felt like this song’s narrator is a queer woman. I’ve moved through different interpretations of the exact events or identifies of those involved but it has always been for me the story of a queer woman who is in a ‘perfect’ relationship to outsiders but in the moment the person proposes she realises she has made a mistake.

That she can’t spend her life being the person she needs to be to stay in this relationship, she must break this person she love’s heart to be able to find herself and live her life authentically.

The line that particularly leads me to this interpretation is ‘“she would have made such a lovely bridge / what a shame she’s fucked in the head” they said / but you’ll find the real thing instead’.

Within the song this is sung with defeat and devastation, even self hate. However in the performance of the song during The Eras Tour I feel she really reclaims the lyrics and makes it into something else.

Shout out to Kathryn’s We Were Happy / champagne problems essay

Change

I think this song is queer because… This song has always been a queer anthem to me!

I don’t really have a clear argument other than when I listened to this song as 13 year old baby queer it stirred something in my little queer heart and every time I’ve listened since I feel the same way. Because these things will CHANGE!!!!!!

And I do think the bridge lyrics are called back in quite a few more recent songs;

Tonight we stand, -> Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

get off our knees -> Fifteen years, fifteen million tears / Begging 'til my knees bled

Fight for what we've worked for all these years -> 'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave

And the battle was long, -> I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me

it's the fight of our lives -> It's the goddamn fight of my life

But we'll stand up champions tonight -> As if you were a mythical thing / Like you were a trophy or a champion ring / And there was one prize I'd cheat to win

Crazier

I think this song is queer because… It is a classically Swiftian move to compare falling in love with the narrator losing her mind or because ‘crazy’ (The Way I Loved You, Don’t Blame Me, Wonderland, Welcome To New York, False God, I Don’t Wanna Love Forever are just a few examples).

To me Crazier is kind of the core of this motif. It tells the story of a narrator who meets someone that changes their life by leading a kind of life that the narrator never dreamed of being possible for them self.

The second verse really encapsulates this; I watched from a distance as you / Made life your own / Every sky was your own kind of blue / And I wanted to know how that would feel / And you made it so real / You showed me something that I couldn't see / You opened my eyes and you made me believe

And then the bridge, while being short and straight to the point, I think solidifies this as a song about queerness to me; Baby, you showed me what living is for / I don't wanna hide anymore

Cruel Summer

I think this song is queer because… it’s new! The shape of your body! I don’t want keep secrets just to keep you! I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard? It’s NEW! THE SHAPE OF YOUR BODY!!!!!!!!

If those lyrics don’t convince you then I present to you this web weave and the idea that the song is about The Great Gatsby (we were so Gatsby for that whole year!)

And if that doesn’t convince you I present to the sophisticates amongst you, RPF;

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer, just to seal my fate

Eyes Open

I think this song is queer because… ok so let’s say hypothetically you are a closeted queer country pop singer songwriter who is becoming very famous and scrutinised and you wanted to write a song about it.

If we take Eyes Open away from the context it was released (for The Hunger Games movies) I think this song tells the story of a narrator who is experiencing this hypothetical. I also think the song ties in a lot of themes and ideas that appear again and again in Taylor’s discography.

Everybody's waiting / Everybody's watching -> Somethin' happens when everybody finds out / See the vultures circlin', dark clouds

Even when you're sleeping / Keep your ey-eyes open ->

The tricky thing is yesterday we were just children -> Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up / Don't you ever grow up

Playing soldiers, just pretending -> Long may you reign

Dreaming dreams with happy endings -> It could stay this simple / And no one's ever burned you / Nothing's ever left you scarred

In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords / But now we've stepped into a cruel world -> It’s cruel summer with you

Where everybody stands and keeps score -> I didn't know you were keeping count

So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard -> Baby, I know places we won't be found

Every lesson forms a new scar -> We cry tears of mascara in the bathroom / Honey, life is just a classroom

They never thought you'd make it this far -> Someday I’ll be living in a big old city / and all you're ever gonna be is mean

But turn around / Oh, they've surrounded you / It's a showdown -> I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides

And nobody comes to save you now -> You could have helped if you had wanted to / But no one notices until it's too late to do anything

But you've got something they don't / Yeah, you've got something they don't -> So we've been outnumbered / Raided and now cornered / It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair / We're getting stronger now / Find things they never found

Keep your feet ready / Heartbeat steady -> Walkin' through a crowd, the village is aglow / Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats

Keep your eyes open / Keep your aim locked -> Dear reader, when you aim at the devil / Make sure you don't miss

The night goes dark / Keep your lights open -> This love is glowing in the dark

I’d also like to shout out Kathryn’s interpretation of this song that they posted on the poll, I really love this interpretation as well!!!

Fortnight

I think this song is queer because… I actually think there are two different queer interpretations of this song that I really enjoy.

The first is in quite a few classic Swiftian way - she talks about a husband but uses you to address her lover, the narrator is clearly miserable within her life of heterosexual expectations and she says loving this person has ‘ruined her life’. Falling in love with a woman would certainly ruin the life of someone stuck in a heterosexual marriage.

I also think the way she uses touch as a metaphor is connected to lots of other queer songs in her discography - I was gonna type this all up but I actually made two web weaves about it already so I’ll link the first here and second one here.

But the second reading of this song that is also explicitly queer is the doppelgänger reading. Other people have written about this better than I can but I do have a little collage I made;

Like!!!!!!!!! The gender of it all!!!! Like I lost my twin!!!!!!!

Getaway Car

I think this song is queer because… in my head Getaway Car and Cruel Summer tell the same story in two parts and both parts are queer as hell.

In my interpretation Getaway Car is a song about a narrator who leaves a relationship with a man to be with a woman but then back tracks on coming out so she also abandons the woman. Cruel Summer is Getaway Car from the other woman’s perspective.

I came to this interpretation after realising that the end of Getaway Car and the beginning of Cruel Summer sound so similar (if you watch this video from 3:45mins until Cruel Summer starts hopefully you will see what I mean!)

So once I heard the similarities I started seeing the similarities in the stories as well. Both stories start with intense heat (I struck a match and blew your mind -> Fever dream high in the quiet of the night).

Both stories take place almost entirely within cars. Both narrators describe a relationship that is unlikely to work (Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes / What doesn't kill me makes me want you more -> I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed / We never had a shotgun shot in the dark)

But there are also differences within the perspectives. Getaway Car’s narrator is already driving away, while Cruel Summer’s narrator is stuck in the moment she said ‘I love you’, still seeing the relationship through rose coloured glasses. Getaway Car’s narrator is not ready to step out of the closest and commit to this relationship but Cruel Summer’s narrator doesn’t want to keep secrets but wants to keep this woman she loves!

This turned out way longer than anticipated so I will stop there but I’d also like to offer up the video played before Getaway Car at the reputation tour;

Glitch

I think this song is queer because… I think there’s been a WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE JUST FRIENDS!!! Now regardless of what this song is about in this Canon Swiftian universe I have always heard this song as a song about your first queer relationship.

And I think it ties in so many themes from other songs in Taylor’s work; friends to lovers, not wanting to apologise for her love, that perhaps this love she wants is not real, comparing love to substances, her love not standing a chance, DANCING!!!! It really has it all.

I Wish You Would

I think this song is queer because… ‘We're a crooked love / In a straight line down / Makes you wanna run and hide / Then it makes you turn right back around’ are to me some of the most explicitly queer lyrics in her entire discography!

The song is also built around a sample from a song called ‘She Drives Me Crazy’. This links with the motif I have already talked about where Taylor describes love as if she’s losing her mind. Dolly Parton also covered the song, and while it’s not explicitly a queer cover (she changes the she to you, although isn’t that such a Taylor move) I wanted to mention it because the cover goes SO. FUCKING. HARD. Highly recommend.

Labyrinth

I think this song is queer because… it just feels queer to me ok!!!!!!!!! I’m not usually one for advocating for queerness based on vibes but for me if I am going to use this argument for ONE song it’s this one. The production, the way she’s singing, lyrics they all just FEEL queer to me! I said what I said.

ME!

I think this song is queer because…

Spelling is fun! That is all 🌈🦄🏳️‍🌈💗

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

I think this song is queer because… I mean first things first this Halsey tweet lives in my head rent free:

But honestly I hadn’t thought about it much until I read Kathryn’s post about the song being a set up to Lavender Haze. I love this interpretation so much and totally see the vision!

My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys

I think this song is queer because… it’s intersection of gender + objectification + doppelgängerism for me!!

Ok so the song is tied to the idea that the narrator’s lover saw her as a toy.

The metaphor of people as toys is not a new idea in the Swiftian universe. However previously she has used it to describe her muses. As far as I know it was introduced as a metaphor in Better Than Revenge (Soon, she's gonna find stealing other people's toys / On the playground won't make you many friends)

She then used it again in Don’t Blame Me (I've been breakin' hearts a long time, and / Toyin' with them older guys /Just playthings for me to use) then again in Cruel Summer (Bad, bad boy, shiny toy with a price / You know that I bought it) then again in Hits Different (I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost).

And now, the role is flipped. She is the toy, was the plaything, she was ghosted. But she isn’t just a doll, she’s an army doll. In traditional gender roles it’s boys who play with the type of doll she is. She is also a doll built for war, battle, instead of romance.

She is queen only of temporary unstable castles that are washed away by the see, once more invisible. Her lover puts her back on the shelf because the heat of her touch, the intensity of this relationship, is too much for her lover to bare. But even with all that she’d play again! She’d be willing to pretend again because she ‘felt more when we played pretend / Than with all the Kens’.

However you cut it all this reads as super queer to me. I’d also like to shout out Charlotte’s web weave that I really love.

Paris

I think this song is queer because… it’s the parallels with Down Bad for me!

I wanna brainwash you / Into loving me forever -> Just to do experiments on / Tell me I was the chosen one

I wanna transport you / To somewhere the culture's clever -> I'll build you a fort on some planet / Where they can all understand it

Confess my truth / In swooping, sloping, cursive letters -> They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about the existence of you

Let the only flashing lights be the tower at midnight / In my mind -> Did you really beam me up? / In a cloud of sparkling dust

We drew a map on your bedroom ceiling -> Show me that this world is bigger than us

No, I didn't see the news -> What if I can't have us / I might just not get up / I might stay down bad

Peter

I think this song is queer because… ‘Forgive me, Peter, my lost fearless leader / In closets like cedar, preserved from when we were just kids / Is it something I did?’ For my money those are the loudest queerest saddest most tragic beautiful lyrics in Taylor’s ENTIRE discography!!!

But then it’s ALSO in the same song as ‘As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return’ and ‘I've heard great things, Peter, but life was always easier on you / Than it was on me / And sometimes it gets me, when crossing your jet stream / We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon / In different galaxies’ AND ‘You said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me’ like!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve also made many many web weaves about this song that I think make my position pretty clear.

I also want to shout out this web weave that I love and Charlotte’s post that I also love

Snow On The Beach ft More Lana

I think this song is queer because… it’s quite literally a in canon love duet between two women that features references to the You Are In Love, Down Bad, and Janet Jackson, a prominent queer ally and gay icon. The lyrics revolves around the the narrator’s disbelief that this love is a ‘real thing’ and sounds like falling in love while in danger but also like being so in love you don’t care what comes next.

Truly so surprised it didn’t make it further in the Midnights tournament! To me it feels like one of the most obviously queer songs in her whole discography but I do think it was at a disadvantaged because most people know the original album version better and that is much much less queer to me.

It really does show to me how much different production can make to how a song is perceived! And it is interesting that this is the version hidden away one of the many re-releases.

Stay Stay Stay

I think this song is queer because… it’s about compulsive heterosexuality!

Taylor has talked about writing this as a daydream about a future relationship that is better than her past loves. The secret message for the song is ‘Daydreaming about real love’.

But the relationship the song describes sounds like a nightmare (dressed as a daydream?).

‘I'm pretty sure we almost broke up last night / I threw my phone across the room at you’ ‘You think that it's funny when I'm mad, mad, mad’ ‘I love you, because you have given me no choice but to / Stay, stay, stay’

Behind the cutesy country pop of this song is a controlling violent volatile relationship! So her choice to present the song as a daydream about her future is so fascinating to me. Regardless of her own interpretation of the song to me this is a song about having a nightmare about what staying within the confines of compulsive heterosexuality will bring.

Tied Together With A Smile

I think this song is queer because…

So I’ve already written here about my theory about gold representing self acceptance of queerness, which I’m linking to because my interpretation of TTWS is linked to it.

I didn’t include TTWS in that post because I was focusing on Taylor’s more recent discography but I do think that it fits into the overarching metaphor.

‘Hold on, baby, you're losing it / The water's high, you're jumping into it / And letting go, and no one knows / That you cry, but you don't tell anyone / That you might not be the golden one / And you're tied together with a smile / But you're coming undone’

So to me this is describing a narrator who thinks being ‘golden’ means being heterosexual. That the only way she can accept herself/that she will be accepted is by being straight. And she’s so terrified that she’s not straight, that she isn’t the golden one, that she cannot fulfil the expectations being placed on her. She is barely holding it all together with a smile.

This link was my reason for choosing this song for the bonus round, however when I revisited the lyrics for this write up there were some other lyrics that really stood out to me.

‘I guess it's true that love was all you wanted / 'Cause you're givin' it away like it's extra change / Hoping it will end up in his pocket / But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain / Oh, 'cause it's not his price to pay’

To me ‘cause it’s not his price to pay’ is signifying that the narrator cannot be loved romantically by this boy because she is not a straight woman.

The Man

I think this song is queer because… it’s actually so queer / so gender that there have been multiple web weaves made about it including one by me and by Kathryn!!!

And I mean we obviously have to talk about the music video in which Taylor creates a literal drag performance of The Man.

Which she then recreates with her dancers in The Eras performance.

And also the lyrics literally say if she was a man Taylor could brag about all the ‘bitches and models’ she’s fucked like!!!!!!!!! CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME OVER WHATEVER THE QUEER FUCK IS GOING ON THIS SONG??

The Manuscript

I think this song is queer because… of three sets of tags left on the poll that The Manuscript lost that immediately won the song a place in this Bonus Round.

The Other Side of the Door

I think this song is queer because… the door is the closet door!

The door as an object is a motif that shows up again and again in Taylor’s work. It’s a way she is locked out, trapped in, separated from her lover. And if we are reading that motif through a queer lens I would argue almost every door motif in Taylor’s discography is alluding to the closet, and it all starts in my mind with this song!

‘Wait there in the pouring rain, come back for more / And don't you leave 'cause I know / All I need is on the other side of the door’

Her lover is out in the open, in the pouring rain, waiting for her to come out. And she knows they are there, and she wants them to wait! But she’s not ready to open the door.

This idea was also fuelled by the door imagery in Taylor’s later work including the I Know Places 1989 tour performance.

Like look at it!!! It’s such strong visual storytelling. And while I was finding these images another image caught my eye:

This is the imagery from the Fearless platinum edition!!!! It ties back to all the other songs about doors! It’s the original door!!!!!!!!

The Lucky One

I think this song is queer because… well I’ve always loved the interpretation of the line ‘your lover in the foyer doesn’t even know you’ as a reference to bearding which is why I initially included this song in the Bonus Round HOWEVER when I had a look at the lyrics a new queer interpretation jumped out at me that I really really love. Imagine the song as a narrative about a trans singer!

‘New to town with a made-up name / In the angel's city, chasing fortune and fame / And the camera flashes make it look like a dream / You had it figured out since you were in school / Everybody loves pretty, everybody loves cool / So overnight, you look like a '60s queen’

Does anyone else see my vision??? Regardless I think there is something queer about the reinvention and the relationship between the narrator and the muse.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

I think this song is queer because… for lots of reasons (Betty connections / doppelgängerism / genderism) but the reason that has stuck in my head since a little while after TTPD came out was sent on anon to someone I follow and I DIDN’T SAVE IT so I’m gonna do my best to pass on that anon’s queer wisdom.

The anon basically connected The Smallest Man’s Eraser tour costume

With the costumes in the ME! music video

With the lyrics ‘And I don't even want you back, I just want to know / If rusting my sparkling summer was the goal’. And ever since I read that anon message my little rpf brain has been whizzing and buzzing thinking about it.

And that’s the end of maybe the longest post I’ve ever written!

If you read to this point I love you and here is a gold star ⭐️

[lancestrollsgf]

# STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE EYES ! YANDERE! AXEL KOVACEVIC X READER, WRITTEN

introduction master list request list

# WARNINGS: not a good interpretation of a yandere (not intense), lowercase intended, female! reader, use of y/n, spelling/grammar errors, possible OOC axel and gullible reader, established relationship, messy writing, and maybe bad descriptions. good ending!! + a cute extra scene at the end

# SUMMARY: you decided to follow your boyfriend to the torment he was participating in. due to not making many friends in highschool in croatia, being in a new environment and country could be a possibility to make new friends, but by the way axel is acting, he doesn’t seem to like that.

# AUTHOR’S NOTE: i did have to watch season 6 again to really get a good intro on axel again, i also did some research/watch interviews, hoping it is right. in this axel is 16 years old and is from croatia, balkans. meaning that axel is going to school in croatia and went to hong kong for training with sensei wolf. i know that it wasn't shown but pretend that axel and reader actually had time and would at least in someway interact with the other characters (more like just miyagi do). i apologize for this being on the short side, i’m still trying to get the hang of writing again. word count: 1100. here is the link of the song the title is named after!

# REQUESTED: YES

axel has been your boyfriend for a while now, and you've always been by his side—more voluntarily than anything, considering how hard it was for you to make friends in your high school back in croatia. it wasn’t that you were unlikable, just that people didn’t seem to care enough to get close. axel was different, though. from the moment he noticed you, it was like you were the only person in his world.

when he told you he was leaving for the tournament, you didn’t hesitate to follow. a new environment, a new country—it sounded like an opportunity, a fresh start. maybe this time, things would be different. maybe you could finally belong somewhere. but axel… he didn’t seem to like that idea.

it started small. a hand on your lower back when you tried to talk to someone new. standing just a little too close when another competitor greeted you. answering for you when someone would ask a question. his grip would tighten, his voice always calm but firm, a quiet reminder.

stay close to me.

you brushed it off at first. axel had always been protective. he said it was because he knew what people were really like— how they used and discarded others when it suited them. you didn't want to believe that.

but then came the glares. the cold, sharp eyes watching every interaction you had. the way his jaw clenched whenever someone so much as smiled at you. the way his mood soured whenever you laughed at someone else's joke.

then the words.

"we're leaving soon, don't get to close"

"they're pretending to be nice, they're trying to get to me"

"i'm the only one who understands you"

at first, you tried to ignore it. axel had always been intense— possessive, even —but he had his reasons. he didn't trust easily, and he never let his guard down. but now, that wasn't just directed at his opponents in the tournament. it was now aimed at anyone who got too close to you.

it started off small. a hand on your wrist when you lingered too long in a conversation. a sharp look when miguel or hawk cracked a joke that made you laugh. the way he always seemed to position himself between you and someone else. like an unspoken barrier.

at first, the others found it ammusing.

"man, your boyfriend's intense," hawk had said nudging miguel after axel all but dragged you away from a conversation. "you sure he let's you breathe?" miguel had given you a sympathetic glance, but he didn't push. sam, on the other hand, did.

"you know that you can talk to whoever you want, right?" she asked one afternoon when axel had stepped away for a minute, due to his sensei wanting to have a conversation with him.

"i know," you had said, but the words felt hollow. because deep down, you knew it wasn't about permission. it was about him. about the way axel saw the world— how he believed people couldn't be trusted. and more than anything, it was about his fear of losing you.

but it couldn't go on like this.

that night, after most of the competitors had gone back to their rooms, you found him outside, leaning against the railing of the balcony of your shared rooms. the bright active city lights reflected in his eyes, but his expression was unreadable.

"you're mad," he said before you could even open your mouth. "i'm frustrated," you corrected, stepping closer. "axel... you have to stop this. i want to be here with you, but i can't do that if you keep pushing everyone else away." his grip tightened on the railing. "i'm not pushing them away. i'm protecting you."

"from what?" you asked, starting to get irritated. "from people being nice to me? from me finally being able to have the chance to make friends?"

he turned to face you then, his gaze sharp but conflicted. "people lie. they act friendly, they pretend to care— but in the end, they always let you down." his voice was steady, but there was something beneath it. something raw. "not everyone," you said softly, reaching for his hand. "not me."

for a moment, he didn't move. then, slowly, his fingers curled around yours, his grip firm, but not forceful. "i don't want to lose you," he admitted, voice barely above a whisper. "you won't," you promised. "but you have to trust me the way I trust you."

axel exhaled sharply, looking away. you could tell it wasn't easy for him, to let go of control. but after a moment, he nodded. "...alright," he muttered. "but if they give me a reason to not trust them—"

"i know," you interrupted, a small smile tugging at your lips. "you'll be watching." a smirk ghosted across his face, and for the first time in a while. his presence didn't feel suffocating. it felt grounding.

— extra scene funny and cute!! (y/n and axel are sitting with miyagi do in this scenario and they have a good relationship with them in this scene.)

the shift in axel hadn't gone noticed. while he still had his moments—hovering nearby whenever someone got a little too friendly—he wasn’t shutting you off from the rest of the world anymore.

during a lunch with all the teams in the tournament, miguel nudged hawk and nodded toward the two of you. “dude, i think your little intervention worked.” hawk smirked, taking a bite of his food. “told you. y/n just had to remind him that she’s her own person, and won’t go anywhere.” hawk replied quietly.

demetri, who had been wary of axel ever since the tense standoff, finally realized enough to sit at the same table again. “so, we’re actually allowed to talk to you now?” he teased, raising an eyebrow.

axel shot him a look, but there’s no hostility behind it. “don’t push it.” tory leaned back in her chair, smirking. “hey, progress is progress.”

even sam, who has been quietly observing, gave a small nod of approval. “it’s nice to see you with us instead of watching from a distance.”

you squeezed axel’s hand under the table, and for once, he didn’t flinch away from the attention. instead, he met your gaze, a silent understanding passing between you.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

the end!!! 😄😄 if anyone from the better norris series is reading this, part three is coming soon! just trying to get through the axel requests, which i am open to more requests, before posting the third part. ( i am working on part four rn )

[leohtttbriar]

i know that uhura’s role in tos was written to be like a radioman (the guy in wwii movies who carries the phone on his back sometimes) meaning that the “communications officer” role evolved from radioman to linguist in the time since tos aired. but that makes uhura in tos really interesting with a retrospective read of her character, applying things novels and later iterations of her have fleshed out, because she doesn’t do any visible linguistic work in any tos episode. she does security and navigation and piloting and engineering which sort of makes her seem like a valuably flexible sort of many-skilled officer.

it was probably both enterprise with hoshi and the 2009 movie that really cemented the idea of “communications officer means linguist or at the very least polyglot” instead of it just being an uhura-quirk. uhura in the 2009 movie does a lot of engineering/operating work of comm equipment and is implied to speak a lot of languages on top of be able to interpret subspace “noise,” so to speak (like, there’s no way it’s radio. it can’t be radio. star trek takes place across distances of lightyears—when they say “signal,” i’m assuming it’s not radio). and of course strange new worlds has run with the linguistics angle and made it even more explicit that yes she studies linguistics, linguistics is a core part of starfleet academic infrastructure, to the point where whole episode plots are written around the act of translation.

the retrospective addition of this expertise to uhura makes what she is in tos a character even more focused on leadership and, idk, becoming something like a captain, because she doesn’t seem all that specialized. she’s more of a kirk-like character, or janeway or sisko, characters that have a specialized skill but have set it aside mostly to pursue some sort of command. obviously this wasn’t the intention of her character. writers of uhura have mostly just stumbled on the idea of her as a polyglot (according to wikipedia, first introduced in the novel uhura’s song, so) and been like “neat idea! makes sense! explorers need to learn languages!” and kept doubling down on that idea until we get to an origin-story uhura in snw that (wildly) speaks 37 languages, for whatever definition of speak or language, i guess.

what all this overthinking on my part has generated is this idea of uhura very much like a futuristic-captain aubrey or a captain sisko not nailed down to one station, hanging off the shrouds of a solar-sail ship’s rigging, looking beyond, in the most romantic and idealized version of an explorer. i think a lot of people read/write female characters as being more down-to-earth than the whimsical leader-on-the-sea or more nurturing than than the hardened captain-of-a-ship, partly why janeway and burnham are so wonderful to me. but it’s fun to imagine tos uhura being the exploring-captain archetype, amongst the political structures of the 60s. like the additions to her character over the years have solidified that romantic adventurer portrait of her in tos, when the idea of her in command would be the least welcome.

and the fact that she was shown to be excited about a solar sailing ship in snw, like sisko was in ds9 for that one episode, i think emphasizes this read of her—and that her character-journey in snw is going to be how she goes from bookish linguist to “hanging-on-a-shroud-on-a-sunsail-ship” looking out to “sea”.

[b14augrana]

Open Arms

Two players, one last name. Only one of you is suffering from the legacy attached to it

Alexia Putellas x sister!reader

masterlist

Warnings: angst and/or hurt + bit of an inconclusive ending lol not happy or sad kinda just… 🫠

A/N: more alexia angst in the place of aapa pt. 4! heavily inspired by open arms by sza, and i highly recommend that you listen to it because this will make a whole lot more sense if you do + it’s amazing. this song is so dear to my heart and honestly one of my favourites ever, so i had to write something inspired by it because the meaning is so deep and interpretable in many ways. this is just one of them :)

You thought that playing for Barcelona was your lifelong dream.

It was a picturesque scene; two players sharing the same last name stepping onto the pitch in the same jersey. It had been your dream at one point, until you realised the influence of your sister was leading you to believe that.

This set something off in you, like it triggered a chain reaction of thoughts and epiphanies that led up to the inevitable.

It was so hard to shine as your own individual self, when all you were credited for was the name on your back and the uncanny resemblance you had to Alexia. You were good, you were so good, but nobody ever noticed. You knew it would stay like this forever if you didn’t do something for yourself.

You could remember your hometown of Mollet de Vallès to be a place that was rife with FC Barcelona pride; it would’ve been the ultimate betrayal to your neighbourhood if you hadn’t elected to play for the club. It would be the ultimate betrayal to leave them, as well.

You were born and raised in Barcelona. The culture, the people, the club, all of it was surely intertwined into your soul. That wouldn’t stop you from running away from every bit of it and breaking out of the manacles this city held you in.

If it wasn’t for your sister and the fact that all your years spent at the club was deeply rooted in the love you had for her, you would’ve been gone ages ago.

At first, you thought you were just having one of those days when nothing felt like it was going your way, but the feelings persisted and you became more acutely aware of the real problem — you were staying for Alexia, and her feelings were beginning to come above your career and self-esteem.

You could only spend so much time in the dark before you started craving the light. Living in her shadow was simply not good enough. You had spent enough of your life feeling hopeless.

Being on the same team as her meant that the closest you’d ever get to being called good is comparisons to your sister. Alexia was La Reina. Alexia was everything. You? Well… you were barely anything if not Alexia’s little sister, the other less impressive Putellas.

Talks with your agent made the decision you had to make crystal clear; you could continue to be downplayed as long as you stay at Barcelona, or you could leave the club and feel what it’s like to be appreciated for the skill you possess instead of your relations to Alexia.

The hardest part of this entire thing? Telling her.

You could pack your things and book your plane tickets, call your agent and tell him to start negotiating with clubs, let the board know that you’re leaving for good and never turning back, but breaking the news to Alexia was easier said than done.

When you were in her kitchen one night, bearing a burden on your shoulders, you hesitated to speak. The knowledge of your career at Barça coming to an end after one more match was severing your tongue, preventing you from speaking, and eventually you’d cave beneath it and keep it all to yourself until Alexia found out in the worst way possible. The deal was done, you put pen to paper, and you were set to join Bayern Munich. All that was left to do was tell Alexia.

Bayern Munich, so far away from Barcelona, it was perfect. You could restart and build a name for yourself, completely separated from your family name. Even if Alexia did get angry, you would be in Germany within the next month (give or take a week), so what did it matter?

Part of you had faith that she’d understand, recognise your intentions and not take it to heart. The entirety of you hoped and prayed for that.

“Alexia,” you started, turning around in your seat at the dining table to look at her while she poured herself a glass of water. She hummed in response to you, as to indicate that she was listening.

“I’m leaving the club. I’ve signed it — the contract — and it’s done. I’m going to Bayern.”

She turned off the faucet suddenly, standing at the sink with her back to you. Her grip on the glass tightened ever so slightly, and you could hear the deep breath she took.

“What?” she mumbled, turning around to look at you with eyes narrowed in disbelief. You glared at the table, nodding your head slightly.

“I’m going to Bayern,” you repeated, looking up to meet her now widened eyes as she placed her glass down. “I’m leaving Barça.”

She glanced at you, her eyes softening for a moment, and you could tell that she was barely registering the news.

“You can’t,” she responded, “Barça is your home, we belong here, both of us–”

There went any chances of her understanding you. That other part of you that knew she wouldn’t be rational about this, had been proven right. “You belong here, Alexia. I don’t,” you shot back, pointing at her with an almost accusing finger.

“What’s wrong with the club?” Alexia snapped. You glared at her, your angered façade crumbling away to reveal the true sadness that remained behind it.

“This club is your dream, (Y/N). I mean, I don’t get it,” she laughed, her expression seeping with disbelief, “You love it here, I love you here– don’t you remember? We used to talk about retiring here together, assisting each other and scoring from each other’s passes. Remember how you’ve always wanted to score a bicycle kick off one of my corners? Why do you want to leave, when we haven’t done all this, when there’s still so much for us to achieve?”

It wasn’t her fault that everyone kept you in the dark. Alexia would never want you at Barça if she knew this was going to happen. Still, you couldn’t cave now. There was no use in regretting anything, because it was done. Maybe if you had told her about your plans to leave, you would’ve felt this regret earlier, and things would’ve been different. Empty ‘what-ifs’ only reminded you that it was too late.

But still, her plea to make you stay was solely built on whatever regarded her. Not a single thing about what you wanted to do was taken into consideration.

“Tell me what made you want to leave, and I’ll make them change it. Just don’t ruin your career by leaving,” she continued.

“You know what?” you started, standing up so you were eye-to-eye with your sister, “I thought you out of all people would understand, but no. You’re selfish, Alexia. This is what’s best for me, I can’t stay here if I want to be any good!”

You were yelling, and you never liked to yell, but it felt like the only way to properly convey your feelings to the woman.

“I’m not even second best to you. Sometimes I feel like I’m only kept at this club to make you look good, and I am so, so sick of it. For years I’ve– I have no confidence left, no sense of pride in myself, I barely ever feel happy wearing this jersey because it’s always been your dream, not mine! I’m not the Putellas that belongs here, everyone knows that, so don’t try to make me stay because this is my only chance to be great. I want to be great, Alexia, and you should know better than anyone what it’s like to want that.”

It was only normal that you began to tear up amidst your words, and they trembled on your waterline as you spoke.

Alexia looked defeated.

More than anything, she felt unbridled amounts of guilt running rife through her. She wanted to reach out to you, hug you, tell you that everything would be alright and she never looked at you as a dim light that made hers look brighter, but she was glued to the spot, her muscles twitching and urging her to step forward with no avail.

“I love you, and I’ve stayed all this time for you. Honestly, I never even wanted to stay. You’re the only one that’s holding me down.” It was like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders, and in its place sat a mix of relief and guilt.

Alexia stayed silent, only a singular tear slipping down her cheek, the start of many that she would shed behind closed doors that night. It was more than just losing a teammate to her, and she wasn’t so emotional because her sister was leaving; it was the realisation that she didn’t know you very well in the first place, and the culpability of realising that she really had been holding you down.

That conversation was one of the last you had with Alexia in person. You played one last match for the Blaugrana, and then you left for Germany the following week.

Even weeks of knowing prior to your final match couldn’t soften the blow as Alexia stood on the pitch, clapping for you as you waved goodbye to the fans and teammates alike, tears brimming in your eyes that were akin to the ones rolling down her cheeks.

She walked up to you, and she embraced you like she never has before, like you were disappearing into nothingness instead of another country. You gripped her tightly, savouring the hug and trying to memorise the feeling, and when she pulled away, she had a pensive smile on her face.

“If you ever want to come back to me, I’ll always be right here with open arms. Cuídate, hermana.”

[ennn]

Recontextualisng the Ballad and Road with the Con and the Hex

I know some folks are upset or disappointed that the Witches' Road here was revealed as the product of Agatha's long con and Billy's Hex magic – that this seems to devalue or invalidate what was being explored about covenhood and sisterhood, or maybe "made it all about a guy".

Here's how I've processed it:

The heart of a good con is a story that rings true

The first version of the Witches' Ballad that Nicky performs for others already has a certain darkness to it. Because even though it was born from their love, the song was used to con and kill witches.

After Nicky's death, Agatha further expands the Ballad for her new deadly long con, adding more flourishes to it, including the mention of "death's hand in mine". It's dark, enticing, powerful, magical. Very much on brand for Agatha Harkness.

What's interesting are the changes between this version and the Sacred Chant version we got in Episode 2. And it's these more recent changes that seem to trip up Agatha with the coven.

For example, the version Agatha used across many years (the one overlaid with her killing witches) does not contain the lines mentioning:

"wake thy power earthly and divine"

"a coven true / two"

" fire, water, earth, and air" – Agatha's earlier version does contain spirit however

I think this speaks to how the Ballad and legend of the Road have gotten away from Agatha. At the heart of the con is a story, and this story has out in the world for centuries.

And it's not like Agatha would have stopped it: For the con to work, the story has to spread. The more witches who know about the Road and the Ballad, the more witches Agatha can target.

But people tend to change the stories they come in contact with, making it their own.

Consider that the story under the long con didn't even come from Agatha: a random witch interpreted the Ballad as a way to get to the Witches' Road, and the Road as an actual place. The con worked because Agatha saw what people wanted, a Road to what they want.

People infuse stories with their own dreams and desires, interpret and transform them to fit with their own lens. That there are apparently multiple versions of the Ballad in the show (more than we see as they mention Lorna's version being the most popular) speaks to this, I think.

The Sacred Chant version of the Ballad is probably a relatively recent attempt by Agatha to update the song she uses given the more modern interpretations of it. She knew about Lorna's version and how popular it is, so I wouldn't be surprised if she pulled elements from that.

So Nicky and Agatha created the Ballad, and Agatha developed it as as a killer con, but over the centuries, I'd say that the Witches' Road has become something bigger than two people.

This lore and ballad has become part of this world's witchy history and culture, reflecting the community's hopes and dreams, beliefs and fears: First with its promise of glory and reward – because that's Agatha's hook – and then thanks to artists like Lorna, with the promise of love that never dies, love that cannot be turned.

So what if the Road doesn't really exist? There are stories that are true that never happened. That doesn't make them less true or important.

It was probably... not helpful that we only get Agatha in full asshole mode addressing this reveal. Her dismissing the song as not meaning anything might be the biggest outright lie she’s ever told, given that the song began with Nicky.

Remember Agatha lies. The Road is not just a con and the song actually means everything, especially to her.

And it is significant that it is the Lorna Wu version of the Ballad – the version Billy is shown listening to – that the Hex Road is built around. It is this version that brings the Ballad back to a place of undying love and family and hope, promising "I'll see you at the end".

We probably wouldn't have gotten the Road we did get if it wasn't for Lorna Wu’s selfless love and sacrifice for her daughter. Because that’s the version Billy connected with. Not the ones Agatha used for her long con.

What's real is what you make of it

So Jac Schaeffer has mentioned that this twist was inspired by The Usual Suspects movie. Not just how the reveal was done – with Agatha framed as the mastermind figure who knew all along (camera wink) and Billy piecing the revelation together from clues with growing horror – but more importantly, how it didn’t detract from how the viewer felt about the characters and what they went through:

When you learn it was all a made-up story, it doesn’t undermine your experience of the movie. You still care about Gabriel Byrne’s character, you still care about Edie, and you care that Fenster died.

Does the Witches' Road being a creation of Billy's chaos magic, led by his subconscious invalidate what the coven went through, what these women and this boy did together?

I don't think it does. Because the experience this coven had was real. Their emotions, decisions, triumphs, lessons learnt, the moments of connection they had with each other — all of it was real to them.

Schaeffer wrote for the Black Widow movie and I'm reminded of the scene where Yelena rejects the idea that her family wasn't real because it was rooted in them being deep undercover:

That wasn't real – who cares. Don't say that. Please don't say that, it was real. It was real to me.

With the exception of Agatha (and Rio at least by Episode 8) who were aware that the Road was a hex, there was no filter on what the coven took away from the Road.

After all, chaos magic bends reality and creates.

Consider Jen at the end of this journey. She may never know the Road was conjured by Billy and rooted in a con of Agatha's but she did have her arc and incredible growth – to the point where she was committed to saving Agatha as part of her coven in the earth trial.

Jen got her power back and embraces being a witch again, as a sister in the craft, because of their shared experience on the Road.

For Lilia, her divination magic didn't care where the Road came from or what conjured it. Outside the hex, she still had the vision to place a sigil on Billy, and later the vision of her coven – the coven she needed – and their destiny together.

Lilia's beautiful journey, her remembering herself and her power, is still intact.

For Alice, she still discovered the truth about her mother's quest to keep her safe from her curse. And with the help of her coven, Alice did lift her curse. She did let go of her anger and found new peace in with a coven.

All of that is still real and still happened.

Agatha is more complicated because she knew from the start that the Road was a Hex. But this is also a deeply hurt love-starved person who also allowed herself to believe for a brief period that Billy might be Nicky despite all evidence to the contrary, until Rio made it clear otherwise.

Did Agatha genuinely find herself caring about this coven by the end of Episode 4? I think she did. I think the fear of losing Billy that episode was genuine too, as was her regret and remorse for killing Alice, because she did feel the loss of that coven relationship that had just started to form.

Agatha's knowledge of the Hex further explains why she lashes out at Billy after Alice's death, aside from his moralising. The spirit trial was a product of his subconscious after all. It was just set up for tragedy because of how the Hex worked (more on that below).

Ultimately, the bonds these witches did make with each other, them coming together as a coven even for a limited time, did matter I think. Jennifer, Alice, and Lilia had their arcs.

Agatha's is more of a mess – and that's a whole other discussion to go into – but I'd say that she's made progress on her arc. With Jen healing Billy, Alice stepping up to protect her, the earth trial moving her towards acknowledging the indiscriminate nature of death. She did see and feel what a coven could be for her, and she does remember them, and what could have been.

The magic of the Road

I think part of the magic of the Road was how it seemed to have purpose in bringing a coven together. How "the Road changes for the coven". Well uh it still did... just with different mechanics behind the curtain.

As a reference point: Why did Wanda create her Hex? To get a reality where she could have a happy family. Why did Billy create the Road? He immediately needed somewhere to escape the Salem Seven, but ultimately he wanted a way to find Tommy.

Note that it's not like Billy made up a version of Tommy just waiting at the Road. His Hex doesn't have a solution or answer, his Hex manifests a Road to find a way forward.

It helps to contextualise the Road as not only the product of out-of-control magic, this Road is also a manifestation of:

a genuine love and curiosity for witchcraft, including its culture and history (let's not forget Billy is a witch who doesn't have a coven)

a need for family and community

a desire to help others find personal growth or what they are looking for (Billy is a good kid that's been raised by a loving family)

Most importantly, as a telepath Billy isn't creating the Road only for himself or using only his own thoughts: with his mind-reading his subconscious is pulling from the coven members around him.

That's why the trials are designed for the coven members, with the spirit trial being so weird because Billy has trouble reading Agatha's mind. And what does Billy learn at the start of Episode 5 with the Salem Seven reappearing? Agatha killed her own coven and doesn't seem remorseful about it at all.

Safe to say Billy's subconscious did not like that.

I hear Schaeffer has confirmed this thinking in a recent interview with House of R, saying there were deleted lines in Episode 9 with Agatha explaining that the trials were informed by Billy's subconscious mind-reading. Agatha was not a fan of how Billy's subconscious wanted personal growth and team-bonding.

So while we were joking about the Road forcing these witches to get therapy, it actually closer to what was happening than we realised. It just wasn't driven by some mysterious cosmic force or divine entity, but by a kid subconsciously who meant well.

There's perhaps something to be said about how there isn't a magical Road already existing out there for Witches to find themselves.

Unlike sorcerers in the MCU who pull magic from the universe or other dimensions, the magic of witches comes from within.

[melukonova]

LOVING SEPHIROTH, sephiroth x reader.

tw. mentions of his hurtful past, emotional abuse that miniroth didn't deserve :( this post can be seen as suggestive but it's left mostly to your interpretation

a/n. for @silverflqmes , my best friend who has inspired me to write yet again for something i love and for writing various requests for me, indulging me in my own happiness. you are never leaving this deep hole of ff7 that i dug for you AHAHAHAH! this is also for the many fans who have made fanfics and such that have shaped me now<3 much love to you all! (i will make more headcanons if this gets love) also sephiroth might be a little ooc since he's new territory of writing for me :,)

info. very lovable and soft sephiroth<3 very short blurbs! inspired by the song everything by lifehouse, i can see him relating about you, the reader, and how he feels for you. enjoy! pre-nibelheim!!!

𐚁. sephiroth's love language can be seen as quality time as seen with the time he spent with genesis and angeal, he grew very attached easily. i can see this in a similiar way since i'm sure once you've caught sephiroth's eye, you're happily in his heart. he enjoys just being together, perhaps he'll teach you how to use masamune (a toy version at least since he wants to protect you from injuries). don't get me wrong, every other love language applies for him too but i know he's happiest with the fact that you're there by his side.

𐚁. he is very awkward with affection so the first time you hold him, i think he wouldn't know what to do but he'll awkwardly pat your back while trying not to freak out a bit by being touched since he was experimented on as a child. please teach him how to love, he didn't get enough as kid... i think being patient with him would also warm his heart with you as well. he isn't the best with people, just in using his sword... which is why it's an anomaly to him if you stuck around for this long.

𐚁. indulging ellie on this one: sephiroth with a kitten. he probably is the one to adopt a kitten out of the two of you except what you didn't expect was him to basically mother the kitten. i think his wounds are still healing from the fact that the locket of his mother was torn away from him.. but you guys both loved that kitten very much, naming saikou which means radiance. it is the radiance of both of your lives and definitely a way to heal from your guys' pain, whatever it may be from your end but i know sephiroth suffers from loneliness and feeling not good enough. he feels this much less because of you though and of course, saikou. saikou is now your love rival... the kitty is his precious baby but you are his most prized treasure.

𐚁. while i said quality time is his favorite love language, i think that he likes physical affection as well since he never really knew what it's like to be loved. he wanted to learn though as well as learn to love you which led to teaching him how to cuddle. still very awkward, he's trying his very hardest as he pats your head and encases you into his body. eventually it led to couch cuddles every time he came home from work, he won't say it out loud but this is his favorite part of being able to be with you. he is so beyond smitten.

𐚁. as sephiroth had been in SOLDIER all of his life, he's not completely sure the best way to comfort you on many things but what he can do is to give you a better night! he'd come home with flowers since somehow zack had talked him into buying flowers from his girlfriend, what can i say? zack was a persuasive businessman and sephiroth had no clue how to be a good boyfriend. he'd probably panic if he couldn't make you feel better, he just wants you happy and would slay his enemies (those who wronged you). he'd indulge you in just about anything that you wanted to do between him trying on your favorite dress, self-care day with face masks, kisses all over to make you less insecure or just to feel more loved, an ice cream date, etc. you name it and it's done. he'd even sneak you into the training room on the SOLDIER floor to take you on a loving date with an even more beautiful sunset but all he could see was his sun, you.

𐚁. you already know his hair care routine since it was leaked from your mail, did i mention you were apart of sephiroth's fan club? he uses a WHOLE bottle of shampoo and conditioner. one day you had to braid his hair, adding in flowers to his hair as you braided it. he loved it since it kept his face clear for combat, meanwhile genesis and angeal snickered at him since his s/o made him look all pretty so none of his enemies would take him seriously. masamune said differently than his hair did. if somebody ruined the artwork of your braiding? they ALSO had a date with masamune.

𐚁. he doesn't like a lot of attention as many would say since he is so famous. this is the big question, how did you enter his life in comparison to the fangirls? you understood him. it was a new feeling for him and he didn't know how much he would end up loving it. no thirsting over how hot he was or saying how strong he had been. just a simple: "i know you've been working hard for so long, you deserve some rest," was enough to make him moved by you. nobody could compare to you in his innocent heart. he was so new to every experience, every hug, every kiss, and every touch you gave him. each time was something new that he had learned to love about you and eventually love about himself as well. you helped him to understand he was more than a monster, more than a soldier, more than just a test subject.

𐚁. what you hadn't expect is to find a loving sephiroth in the kitchen with you, holding you close to him as you listened to italian cooking music (the pasta addict in me thinks he'd want to learn more about pasta and its origin). his head was leaning down towards yours while staring down at your lips as you both had been swaying. his hand had been on your waist and the other had been moving up from your shoulder, over your neck slowly with care, to your soft cheek. capturing you in his lips, the water had boiled over but he didn't care at that moment. the thing he clung onto most was this moment because at this moment, sephiroth just knew. he was in love and he finally felt free as he deepened the kiss. he knew where home was and he was kissing his own home, taking in all of what makes you so lovable as well.

melukonova, 2024. 𐀔

[bobohu4eva]

Illicit Affairs

Characters: Idol!Baekhyun x trainee/idol!Reader

Genre: smut, angst

Warnings: explicit unprotected sex, virgin sex, significant age gap, problematic relationship dynamics, this is purely a work of fiction and in no way representative of a healthy relationship

WC: 9.7k (trust me it needed to be that long)

A/N: Heavily inspired by the song, although the forbidden nature of the relationship is interpreted more as dealing with the age difference and dynamic, rather than being a result of infidelity. I definitely recommend giving it a listen before reading further.

Masterlist

He was one of the last people you met after becoming a trainee, but he was the one you'd been thinking about meeting the most. 

Baekhyun was the reason you decided to become a singer. He was the person that made you fall in love with music and singing ten years ago, so when you finally bumped into him in person, it left you breathless and flustered. 

He was even more gorgeous than you could've expected, and you'd already met many other idols by then. You'd been waiting for your vocal lesson one evening, and he was the person who went right before you. When his lesson ended, he walked out of the soundproof room, and he was standing right in front of you. 

The image of him you'd always had in your mind, based on the countless pictures and videos you'd seen of him throughout the years, couldn't compare at all. With him directly before you, in person, he looked so much better than you ever could've imagined. He was just wearing a black tshirt and sweats, no makeup, hair unstyled and even a bit messy, but you still had to fight off the urge to stare. He was quite a bit taller than you, and you could see the muscle definition in his chest and arms under the plain black shirt. Everything about him was just so perfectly shaped, to you. From his familiar but still somehow surprisingly handsome face, to his broad shoulders, down to his waist and hips. If you found him attractive before meeting him in person, you were down badly now. 

It was so natural and sweet how he greeted you, asking if you were new, and wishing you the best for your trainee journey. Of course you thanked him, but he could easily see how much the sudden meeting had shaken you up, so he kept it brief. 

From then on, you saw him there every week before your lesson, and found yourself looking forward to it every time. The greetings became short conversations, and eventually you even told him how he'd been the one to inspire you back in the day to also be a singer and eventually audition. You would never forget how those words made his face light up. 

“Really? Back then I had no idea what I was doing, I'm still surprised by how much people seemed to like me. It means a lot to hear that.” 

He had one of those special kinds of smiles that you only see a few times in your life. It made you feel seen, appreciated, like to him, you were the only other person that mattered. He had that kind of energy about him. 

All you could think to do was blush and smile back. Being around him was almost like some sort of high to you, the way your heart pounded and you got butterflies in your stomach.   

Finally your voice teacher popped his head out the door, clearing his throat. “Sorry, I've got a bit of a cold. We'll keep it short today.” 

Without missing a beat, Baekhyun spoke up. “If you need to take the night off I can take over her lesson.” He turned towards you, “Would you be okay with that?” 

Your eyes grew wide and your mouth opened slightly, but no words came out, so you just nodded. 

“You sure?” The teacher said, “That would be great, thank you.” 

“Of course, it's already pretty late, you should get some rest.” 

So, you were left with Baekhyun teaching your lesson for the evening. You were still dumbfounded as he led you back into the small soundproof room, and asked what you had learned in last week's lesson. 

You answered him, though it was barely above a whisper. Having him teaching you all of the sudden was not something you were mentally prepared for. 

However he still understood, and started leading you through some warm ups.

To say that you were blushing, embarrassed, mortified, or anything similar still felt like an understatement. Warm ups just aren't cute.They felt silly and sounded dumb and the idea of doing them in front of Baekhyun of all people made you want to curl up into a tiny ball and become one with the carpet on the floor. 

Of course Baekhyun quickly caught on to that. “How about we do them together? I'll start, and you just match me, ok?”  

His voice concealed your own enough to ease your mind a bit, but soon he was asking you to sing on your own, without his voice to hide behind. 

You could barely get out a sound, let alone properly sing a simple scale. It was frustrating beyond belief, you knew you were a good singer, and you were incredibly lucky to have him offer to teach you, but your shyness still got the best of you. Trying to do anything while his eyes were on you felt impossible. 

Baekhyun was starting to regret offering to do the lesson, not because he didn't want to, but because he felt he was making you uncomfortable. He loved the idea of mentoring a trainee, helping them develop their skills and getting to see them debut with his encouragement, it had even been a dream of his. Of course this was only one vocal lesson, but it was something he'd been thinking about for a while, and this seemed like a great opportunity, at least at first. But he knew he couldn't force it, and he didn't want to hold you back either.

“I'm sorry, I didn't really think this through. Should we call it a night?” He asked, and you felt your heart sink. The disappointment evident on your face must've told him that you weren't quite ready to give up yet, so he made you an offer. 

“What if I face the wall, and you close your eyes, just imagine I'm not here and you're practicing by yourself. Just so I can hear you and get a better idea for what we should work on.”

You took a deep breath. He was just another person, and he was here because he wanted to help you. 

When you nodded, he smiled, ready to give it your best shot before he turned away, facing the corner of the room. 

It actually came out sounding okay that time, so you repeated it again for good measure. 

When you opened your eyes Baekhyun was looking your way again, with a proud smile on his face.

He had you repeat it a few more times, reassuring you every time that you were doing well, and for you, just seeing him smiling and praising you was enough to keep you going. 

With you finally past your mental block, he was able to get an idea of where you were at, and both of you were surprised to see how quickly two hours went by. He still kept things simple, not wanting to overwhelm you or make you shy again, but it was going amazingly well and he found himself almost as excited about it as you, if not even more. 

With the lesson finally over, he offered to drive you back to your dorm on his way home, and you happily accepted. When he led you to his car, a silver Porsche, you let out a small laugh in disbelief. Baekhyun just smiled, making a little extra show out of opening the door for you, before circling around to get in himself. You stayed quiet, just listening to him softly sing along to the music he'd put on until it was time for him to drop you off. Part of you was still in disbelief, that you'd really spent the last few hours with him, and now, you were next to him in his car as he drove you home. When he pulled up to your dorm, he wished you a good night, and didn't move until he saw you enter the building safely. As you laid in bed that night you replayed it all in your mind, smiling like a fool at how heart fluttering it all was. For the first time, you couldn’t fall asleep because your reality was somehow even better than what you could dream up. 

One week later, when you arrived for your lesson again, you were surprised when Baekhyun and your original teacher said they wanted to discuss something with you. 

“How would you feel about having your vocal lessons with me from now on?” Baekhyun asked. 

They saw the surprise on your face, your first teacher nodding at what Baekhyun had said. 

“Wow, I mean, are you sure? It's an honor, of course, but, why..?” 

“Teaching is something I've been thinking a lot about lately and I really enjoyed our lesson last week. It's up to you, of course, but if you'd be interested then I'd love to be your new voice teacher.” 

You laughed, mostly in disbelief. It felt too good to be true. Baekhyun was someone you'd looked up to for so long, and now he was happily offering to personally help you with your singing. 

“You really mean that?” 

He was still smiling in that almost frustratingly captivating way, nodding at your question. “So should we get started?” 

Unlike the week prior you had a bit more confidence this time around, and both you and him thoroughly enjoyed the lesson. Every week that followed your voice grew even bolder, as you got more used to being around him. You got less nervous to see him, moreso happy and excited to get to sing with him, and having him as your teacher made you all the more dedicated to doing your absolute best. 

Soon you started to ask him about other things, too. First it was dancing, asking his advice for how to memorize choreographies more easily. Then, how to talk to the media, or how to pose for photo shoots. Within a few months Baekhyun was much more than just the voice teacher you saw once a week. He helped you with basically every aspect of becoming a successful idol, he became a mentor to you. 

You could never fully get used to it, to having him in your life in such a close way. Your heart would still flutter when he showed you that amazing smile of his, and you still refused to slack off on your vocals or dancing, because you wanted to impress him, but mostly because you’d get to see that very smile. He was every bit as lovely and charming as you’d always imagined he would be, and you fell hard for him, he made it impossible for you not to. With how sweet he was to you, it sometimes seemed like he might actually like you, as more than a student, but those were thoughts you pushed away, knowing realistically that a relationship with him was nothing more than a fantasy. 

It was only six months into being a trainee that you were told you would debut, and you knew that you had him to thank for it. Another few months later the day came, and it was time for you to perform with your group for the first time. 

As soon as you stepped off stage, out of the view of the cameras, you lost it. The tears weren't because you felt sad or disappointed, simply overwhelmed. You knew you'd done well, really well in fact. Your career had officially begun, and the weight of it came down on you all at once, leaving you with little to do but sit in your dressing room in disbelief.

There was a soft knock on the door, and next thing you knew Baekhyun’s head was peeking in, and you weren't sure you'd ever seen him smile that big before. 

Without as much as a second of hesitation, you ran to the door, pulling him inside. As the door shut behind him, his arms wrapped around you.

His praises almost went unheard, still too overwhelmed by everything to fully listen to what he was saying, but you could tell he was happy, that he thought you'd done really well. 

It wasn't long until his arms broke away, hands still on your shoulders as he looked at you, smiling that amazing smile of his. With him looking at you like that, telling you how well you'd done, how proud he was, how happy he was to be your mentor, your emotions ran wild. It was everything, the adrenaline, relief, euphoria, and just him. 

His eyes were still on your teary ones, admiring you, a little overwhelmed himself. Seeing you finally debut after the months he'd spent with you, singing together, dancing, doing everything he could to make sure you were ready when the day came, got him a little teary eyed, too. You'd done so well, and he felt so lucky to have gotten to be there by your side for all of it. 

“I'm so proud of you.” He said, his hands moving down from your shoulders, along your arms. His eyes held so much warmth behind them, the sweet words along with his hands on you, and the way he never took his eyes away from you, had you reeling, stomach doing flips. For a second you swore his face was getting closer to yours, and his eyes flickered down to your lips. The tension seemed so thick, it became unbearable. 

You threw your arms around him, and you kissed him.

At first he took a step back, stumbling a bit, too surprised to fully react. But before you had the chance to pull away, his hand was holding your face against his own, returning the same kind of passion you showed him.

Baekhyun, your endlessly kind, lovely, talented, handsome, funny, charming mentor, was kissing you back. With his free arm, he circled your waist and pulled you closer, flush with his chest. The hand on your face held you close so softly, asking, not demanding, for more contact, for this to not end so quickly. He gave you every chance to pull away, to stop him, but you didn't, you only melted into his affection even more. 

The knock on the door pulled you both rudely back to reality. Your lips parted, and as you stared at one another, what you'd just done started to sink in. Baekhyuns’ face fell in a way you’d never seen before, and then he was gone. He walked through the door with all the horror disgust he felt towards himself clearly evident and the knot in his stomach nearly made him sick. 

He knew he made a huge mistake. He fucked up so incredibly badly. 

You stood there stunned, a million things running through your head, and collapsed under the weight of it all. 

The stylist was confused to say the least after first witnessing Baekhyun’s swift exit and next finding you, sitting on the floor crying. Thankfully she excused herself and let you be.

Baekhyun kissed you, and then just walked out, leaving you alone and confused. The guilt nearly ate him alive. Returning your kiss crossed so many lines and he should've known better, and he did, but you caught him so off guard, in such an emotionally charged moment, it just happened. The sudden euphoria of realizing that you were kissing him overpowered any rational thought. He knew he must be insane. 

And of all days, it was the day of your debut.

He had to make this right. 

He returned to your waiting room but it was already empty. He kept walking around the building trying to find you, even running into your bandmates, but you were nowhere to be found. 

Then he tried calling you, but he was sent to voicemail after the first ring. You declined his call. Finally he texted you, although he really didn't want to have this conversation over text. He knew he needed to do a better job at apologizing than just sending a few texts 

“Can we please talk about this? I'm so sorry I just walked out, I wasn't thinking, I need to talk to you.” 

You didn't reply. 

The next day he called again, and still you didn't pick up. 

The truth was, you were too embarrassed. Seeing him again, after he'd rejected you like that, was just too mortifying to consider. You felt so stupid. Of course kissing him was an outrageously dumb thing to do. He was your mentor, of course anything romantic was off the table. But you had a crush, and the adrenaline, combined with how sweet he was to you, made you lose any sense of reason. 

Stupid little girl, kissing the man she never even had a chance with, because her emotions got the best of her. 

But then why did he kiss you back? 

That was what drove you insane. Of course you had a crush on him, it was painfully obvious from the first day you'd met him, but he'd always stayed professional, never giving you any reason to think that it was anything more than how a fan feels toward their idol, and that it ever would be. Unfortunately for you, your feelings towards him only got stronger over time. 

Baekhyun had convinced himself that it was a good thing you liked him, that with him as your mentor, you'd work that much harder. He thought it was cute, the same way he thought of other fans' attitudes towards him, during fansigns and the like. He hadn't considered that maybe he'd gotten a little too close with you, that those lines started to feel blurred. In reality, you weren't just another fan, you were far from it. You were a real friend, you knew him. 

It was easy for him to understand why you didn't want to see or talk to him after what happened. He knew he messed up, both when he kissed you back, and when he left the room. He couldn't even imagine what must've been going through your head. He hoped you weren't blaming yourself, sure you're an adult, but at ten whole years older than you, he knew he was the one responsible for making sure things stayed appropriate between you two, and he'd failed. 

To his relief, you still did amazing for the rest of the debut promotions. He watched every performance, wishing he could've been there to support you. 

Because of how busy you were you'd agreed a while ago to skip lessons for the first two weeks after debut, and as the days dragged on, Baekhyun was starting to worry that he wouldn't get to see you again for a lot longer than he'd like. He still knew he needed to apologize to you, and the longer you avoided him the guiltier he felt. 

When promotions ended and he still hadn't heard from you, he reached out to your manager, asking when you'd have time for a lesson again. 

She assured him that you'd be there next week at the same time and place as usual, and he breathed a sigh of relief. The days before the lesson dragged on for what felt like ages to him, but at least there was an end in sight. 

When the time finally came, you were mortified, almost as badly as the first day you'd met him, or during your first lesson together, maybe even worse. He greeted you just as warmly as he always did, emphasizing how well you'd done during all the performances, and how he wished he could've been there for you. He did everything he could to try and relieve some of the tension and awkwardness, but you weren't there yet. 

You were bright red, hating the unpleasant heat sweeping over you, burning your cheeks and making you uncomfortably sweaty. You couldn't talk to him, or even make eye contact, you were still too ashamed. 

“Y/n?” You saw in your peripheral how he looked at you, and your eyes started to water. “I need to apologize for what happened after the showcase, I'm so sorry, I never should've put you in that situation, or kissed you back, or just left like I did. I was being reckless and stupid, the fault is all mine, and I understand if not, but I really hope you can forgive me.” 

His heart sank when you started to cry, and although he'd told himself a million times that he wouldn't, that any physical contact with you was inappropriate, he still ended up holding you, giving you a shoulder to cry on. 

“I'm such a fucking idiot.” You eventually let out between sobs, and he detached himself from you, finally meeting your eyes. 

“Please don't say that, this is all on me. I'm the one who fucked up, not you.” 

“But I'm the one- I-”

“Because I was being inappropriate. Like I said, I shouldn't have put you in that situation, that was my mistake.”

“I'm just so embarrassed.” It came out barely above a whisper. 

“Nobody saw us, and I could never judge you for that. I know you just got caught up in the moment.” 

You did your best to smile and nod, but the tears just kept coming. His words were sweet but did little to mend the pain and shame you still felt. 

He wanted to reach out and wipe away your tears, to hold you, to comfort you as best he could, but he knew it would only worsen things. Once again, however, when you leaned into him for comfort, he let you do as you pleased, cursing himself for letting his very necessary boundaries slip away so easily. 

This was bad, he knew it was. He didn't have the strength to push you away though he really should've. If this was going to continue, he had to do better, but he was coming to terms with the fact that he just wasn't able to. 

He stayed holding you until the tears eventually slowed down, and came to a stop. Now that your face wasn't buried in his chest anymore, he shot you a soft smile. “Do you want to get to singing?” 

Finally, you let out a small laugh. “Do we have to? Can we just talk? I missed you.” 

He sighed, but nodded. He'd missed you too, but saying so didn't feel like a good idea. 

He kept the conversation light, trying to make you laugh, anything to brighten your mood, if only for a little while. When the end of the lesson came, he knew he was going to have to be the bearer of bad news. 

“Next week I promise we can actually sing again.” You told him as he led you to his car to bring you home. 

He took a few deep breaths, and you were on your way to your dorm when he finally replied. 

“I don't think it's a good idea for me to be mentoring you, or giving your lessons anymore.” 

“What?” 

He stopped at a red light, and the look of hurt and disappointment he saw when he looked over at you made his throat feel tight. 

“I'll talk to your original voice teacher, to see when he can fit you into his schedule again, now that you're getting more advanced it'll be better for you to train with him anyway.”

You felt your lip start to quiver again. “You just don't want to be around me anymore now, I get it.” You mumbled, trying to hide the shakiness in your voice. 

Baekhyun’s eyes squeezed shut for a second, “it's really not that, not at all.” 

He was pulling up to your dorm and you just wanted to get away from him now before he saw you start to cry again. “You don't have to keep lying to me, I know I'm the one who fucked everything up with that stupid kiss.” 

He parked, trying to think of how he could finally convince you that it wasn't your fault, but you were reaching for the door before he had the chance to say anything. 

“Y/n, wait, please-” 

You were already gone though, shutting the door behind you. As soon as you were outside of his car the tears came, and you tried to wipe them away as best you could as you hurried to your dorm. 

When you got to the elevator you prayed nobody would see you like this. You'd spent so much of the evening in tears, you knew you looked an absolute mess. You just wanted to get to your room where you could finally be alone and let it all out. 

“Y/n, wait!” 

You turned around, and there he was, jogging towards where you stood. Your stomach suddenly felt like it was in your throat, and then he was in front of you once again, this time taking both of your hands in his.

“I don't know what to tell you, for you to believe me, but it's not your fault, I swear. I- I don't want to stop teaching you either, really, but I can't keep being alone with you, not when I can't trust myself.” 

All you could do was stare back at him, knowing that you were a tearful mess. What he was telling you didn't make any sense in your mind. You kissed him. Not the other way around. 

“Please say something.” He was still panting a little as he said it, winded from having run after you. 

“What does that even m-mean, you can't trust yourself? I'm the one who kissed you, and I'm definitely not stupid enough to try that again, so what does it matter?” 

“I already told you, I shouldn't have put you, or us, in that situation in the first place.” 

“But that doesn't fucking matter! Who cares if we're alone, we've been alone for the last two hours and it was fine.” 

Only it really hadn't been fine, he knew that he shouldn't have been touching you at all.

You were staring back at him through tear filled eyes, and he felt absolutely terrible. He wanted to be able to comfort you, and eventually just gave in, throwing caution to the wind and wrapping his arms around you. 

He just didn't have it in him to stand and watch you cry, knowing that he was the reason. This time he felt the way you grabbed onto the back of his shirt, keeping him from moving away. 

“Please don't cry, I'm sorry, really, I just want what's best for you. We would still see each other occasionally around the company, it's not like this is goodbye forever.” 

“I- I don't want lessons with anyone else. You're the whole reason I was able to debut, you can't just leave me now. Please.” 

You were still holding onto him, and with every “please” you added, he was slipping. He hoped that you would eventually calm down, and he would be able to reason with you, to finally make you understand why he couldn't be around you so much anymore. 

He had no such luck. All you could think about was how badly you would miss him, how lost you would feel if he stopped mentoring you, the last few weeks had been bad enough already, the only thing that got you through without him was your embarrassment and how busy you'd been. You couldn't lose him, you needed him. 

Every minute that he listened to you cry because of him, he felt his rationality fade. As much as he knew he needed to distance himself, he wasn't going to do it if it hurt you that badly. 

You felt him take a deep breath, and finally, a soft “okay” fell from his lips. 

It wasn't until then that he felt your grip on him loosen, and you looked up at him. 

“What? Really?” You sniffled, face still wet. 

He nodded, running one hand through your hair, moving it from where it had started to stick to your face. 

Once again, your arms were thrown around him, but at least this time, it was because you were happy. You must've said thank you to him a million times that night, as you felt the relief wash over you. Baekhyun was all too aware of the way your chest pressed against his own. 

When he was finally free of your arms around him, you were beaming up at him, and he couldn't help but smile back. “You should get to your dorm before people start getting worried.” 

You nodded, pressing the button and hugging him one more time before the elevator arrived. 

“Bye” he waved, as you stepped inside and the doors started to shut “see you next week.” 

He knew he was in too deep, and he was a fool to give in to you, but now it was too late. He was going to have to live with his decision and try to keep things from going further, but he 

knew deep down that realistically, he didn’t have that kind of self control, not with you. 

~

Baekhyun hadn’t planned on seeing you again until the next lesson, but when your debut song entered the top ten on all the major charts just a few days later, he wanted to celebrate, and invited you to a nice dinner. That day you spent hours getting ready, putting on your favorite dress and making sure your hair and makeup were perfect. You knew that it wasn’t a date, but the way you felt leading up to him arriving could’ve fooled you. 

He picked you up and drove you to the restaurant, pulling up in the back where there was already somebody waiting to lead you to a private dining area where you’d be out of sight of the public. You hadn’t really thought about it, but you understood why it would probably be better for your dinner with him to stay between the two of you. 

It was the first time you’d been around him just to hang out, more as a friend than a student, and you thought it was magical. You were nervous at first, still having all of the past drama with him on your mind, but he was his usual wonderful self, easily leading the conversation, making you laugh until your stomach hurt, and he too felt it, how easy and right this was. You ended up at the restaurant with him for over two hours, neither of you wanting the night to end. Finally the awkward tension from the previous weeks was gone, replaced with optimism and gratitude for still having him in your life. 

When he finally dropped you off, he got out of the car to walk you inside, and you ended up alone with him, standing in front of the elevator once again. 

“Thank you for tonight,” You started, “everything still feels kind of surreal, I can’t believe this is actually my life now. And it’s all thanks to you.” 

“You always had it in you.” He said and smiled that lovely warm smile. You were about to press the button to take you upstairs, but he stopped you, looking around to make sure you were alone. “Wait- I know I tell you all the time that I’m proud of you and how far you’ve come, but I really can’t say it enough. I’m really lucky that I get to teach you. You have something special, truly.” 

You and him got stuck in a weird place, neither one talking, but not making any effort to leave either. The way he was looking at you pulled you in, and you thought you saw something flash across his face, something you hadn’t seen before. He stepped closer, close enough that you could feel his breath against your skin, and your heart rate skyrocketed, confused. He wasn’t sure what came over him, he must be insane. 

“Baekhyun?” You barely whispered, but he didn’t explain himself, instead he leaned in, and he kissed you. 

Your mind was going a million miles a minute and it made no sense to you whatsoever, but he was kissing you, softly, sweetly, like something out of one of the many day dreams you’d had about him. As quickly as it started he was pulling away again, his face tinted a deep shade of pink, smiling a bit bashfully at you, still too shocked to react. 

“Goodnight.” He whispered, and then he was walking back to his car. 

After that, things felt completely different with him. The hugs got longer, his words sweeter, and every time he dropped you off, he’d again kiss you goodnight. It wasn’t only after your weekly lessons together that he would drive you around either, you and him began to spend more and more time together, and had to get more and more cautious about not being seen. 

You would sneak out in big hoodies with a mask on to walk to where he was waiting in the parking lot, just to drive around all night with him in one of his fancy cars, talking, singing, and sometimes pulling off to the side of a quiet road where he would lean over and kiss you, though it never went any further. He knew that sneaking around with and kissing his student was bad enough, anything more, and in public, would be a whole different kind of stupid. 

Both of you started to lie a lot, to your managers, friends, anyone really who would question or even just ask about your relationship. To everyone else, he was still just your mentor, a strict student-teacher agreement and no more. The lying should’ve been your first clue as to how wrong it all was, but you were blinded by your feelings for him. Getting to be alone with him, kiss him, and talk to him about things no one else knew was too all consuming for you to even think twice about it.

How you talked to each other changed too. When you were alone with him he would call you baby, treating you less like a student, or even just a friend, and more as a lover. You should’ve been happy, thrilled, even, and you were when you were with him, but when he’d drop you off and you’d be alone in your dorm again, you’d break down.

The late nights together, the romance, the kisses, they were all wonderful in the moment, but afterwards you’d always part ways, realizing that it was all fleeting, that any relationship beyond what you already had with him was impossible, because no matter how you might feel about each other, you were still his student, and far too young to be involved with him in any deeper way. No number of kisses or secret rendezvous would make him yours, he made that clear. You would always end up alone in your dorm at the end of it all, crying, knowing it would never turn into anything more.

Seeing him during lessons was a different experience now. There would be other people around, and they didn’t think twice seeing you together, but you and Baekhyun would give each other knowing looks, or he’d wink at you, or something else to signify your little secret. You and him almost had a special secret language, joking with each other often with little more than a glance.

Even your manager didn’t know about you and him, she knew that he was mentoring you, but she’d known him for so long, she never even suspected that he might be acting inappropriately with you, he just didn’t seem like that kind of guy. 

The two of you had everyone fooled, and while it felt exciting on the surface, it also grew a new kind of shame within you, knowing that what you were doing was deeply wrong. 

What you had with him wasn’t real, and never should or could be, and it was starting to tear you apart. It took you weeks of working up the courage to do so, but finally, during a lesson, you decided you were going to confront him with all of it. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

Baekhyun shrugged. “Sure.” 

“But you have to promise you'll answer honestly!” 

“Okay! I promise.”

You took a deep breath. “What are we doing?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know exactly what I mean. The sneaking around, the kissing, what is that about?” 

He'd been perfectly relaxed, but you could see how he tensed up as he realized what you were talking about. 

“Y/n, I don't think it's a good idea for us to talk about that right now-” 

“You said you'd answer!” 

A long sigh left him, eyes squeezing shut for a second. “Okay, okay. I’m just doing what feels right. You know I like you, but you also know that we can’t just act like we’re together either.” 

“Why?” 

“You know why.” 

“Cause it’s inappropriate? We both know that this entire arrangement hasn't been appropriate since you decided to mentor me, knowing that I have a huge crush on you.” 

You wanted to finally hear it from him, wanted him to admit that he'd been just as irresponsible as you, and Baekhyun didn't say a word. It was the hard truth that he'd been trying for so long to avoid, and you threw it right in his face. 

“Ever since then it feels like you've been slowly leading me on, acting like we have something special but never letting it feel completely real, when you're the one who started all this in the first place, and let it get this far.” 

He stared at you, and he knew he couldn't keep it up anymore, couldn't keep ignoring it. He saw your hurt and frustration clear as day, and finally, he broke. 

“I'm a fucking idiot. I know I am, I'm an idiot and knew that getting so close with you was a terrible idea but I ignored all of that because I like you too much, I never intended for us to end up like this and feel like a huge asshole because I know I'm in a position where it's completely wrong of me to touch you at all because of how we met and the power dynamic but still every time I see you that's all I can think about.” 

“Do you really not understand how cruel you're being?” 

You scoffed at how genuinely confused he looked. 

“I've liked you so much for so long, you know I have, and you just waltz into my life and start talking to me and then teaching me and then offering to mentor me, when you know I can't help but fall for you. You even make it clear that you like me back, inviting me out with you and kissing me but never truly acknowledging what it means, it feels fucking awful. You keep stringing me along because you like me even though you know you can't give me what I really want. You're such a selfish asshole for that.” 

Your voice grew less and less stable and Baekhyun saw how the tears gathered in your eyes, threatening to spill over. 

He knew there was no use trying to argue with you, he'd gotten himself into this mess and he knew he was the one to blame. “What do you want me to do?” 

“I don’t know. But it can’t go on like this, it hurts too much.”

The small room fell silent and all you could do was stare at each other. You looked so defeated, the guilt nearly brought him to tears, and he did the only thing he could think to do. 

He held your face in his hands, bringing you close, letting his lips meet your own. 

Kissing him was just as electrifying as it always was, only this time, he didn't stop, didn't hold back. You got lost in the feeling, savoring the familiar taste and feel of finally getting what you craved again. This time though, it couldn't end the way it always did. Something had to change, so you pulled away.  

“You can’t just kiss me again and then keep on the same way. Please, I need more.” 

His face fell, because he knew he couldn’t give you that. “Y/n, I’m sorry, but you know why I can’t do that, why it has to be like this.” 

And he was right, of course you understood, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. It would be the end of his career if he was seen with you, and even his close friends would be raising eyebrows. He was so much older, your teacher, and your idol. What you wanted was completely impossible. “I care about you, a lot, you know I do. I also wish it wasn’t like this but we don’t have another choice.” 

“So what? You keep stringing me along, and I just have to live with it? Knowing that no matter how much we may want it, we’ll never be able to be together?” 

He sighed, and frowned at how sad you looked. “Can’t we just be grateful for what we do have?” 

You shook your head, “I want too much.” 

Despite everything you said, you and him both knew that you wouldn't be able to walk away, and neither would he. So when he took your face in his hands, whispered another “I'm sorry,” and kissed you again, you melted into him effortlessly. 

It was heated and messy, both letting out all your grief and frustration, clinging to each other almost desperately. He kissed you harder, deeper than he had before, until this time he was the one to pull away, though he didn't move far, looking at you with a look that while apologetic, was still hopeful.  

“I can't give you what you want, but if we're careful, I can take you home with me. For tonight, we can act like it’s real.” 

Before, taking you home with him had always been off the table. You were both too easily recognizable, and being seen in his building together would make it dead obvious that your relationship was more than it should be, so it didn’t even seem like an option. 

Wide eyed, you nodded, and not even a half hour into the lesson he was sneaking you carefully out of the practice room, and then the building, into his car. You texted your manager some bullshit excuse as to why you'd be gone for the night, and then you were on your way to his place, for the very first time.  

You could hear the rapid pounding of your own heart as he drove you through the night, unsure but excited. Even if it was only for one night, and he was risking far too much, you were going to hold onto whatever you could get. 

When he pulled into his building’s garage, he gave you a hat and a mask to put on, he pulled up his hood and put his own mask on, saying a short prayer before getting out of the car, and walking in with you. If anyone saw and recognized you both, he would be fucked, so he hurried, and luckily you made it to his apartment without running into anyone. 

Once inside you both let out a sigh of relief. You were alone with him, truly alone, no chance of passers by seeing you, or label mates catching onto your relationship, just you and him, all night. 

When you felt his hand on your own, pulling you closer, it robbed you of your breath. He took his mask off, and then yours, and leaned in, though his lips only barely met your own before he was looking at you once again. “I’ve wanted you so badly, and I know it’s wrong and I’m an idiot and an asshole for doing this, but I just can’t bring myself to stay away from you.” 

“So don’t. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. I’m all yours.” 

You looked up at him, eyes sparking with all the hope and clueless naivety he should expect from you, a girl of barely twenty, who’d grown up loving him, and was powerless not to fall into his trap, whether he’d set it on purpose or not. He was a man ten years your senior, who positioned himself as an authority figure in your life, someone who should never touch you, kiss you, or anything even close. 

The guilt manifested as a lump in his throat, knowing that your feelings for him, your willingness to ignore how wrong it all was, were because of him. 

Still, he kissed you, with a kind of passion that was new to you both. Without any risk of getting caught, he let himself hold you tighter, let the kiss get more and more heated. He led you to the couch, where you ended up on his lap, his hands on your hips as his lips wandered to your neck, kissing, biting, enough to make you gasp and shiver, but not leave marks. 

For you it was otherworldly, lightheaded and dizzy with disbelief as his hands and lips stayed glued to your skin, finally living out the fantasies that played in your head when you laid alone at night, longing for him. You’d kissed boys in the past, but none of them came anywhere close to the way he made you feel. You were convinced nobody could ever make you feel the things Baekhyun could, and all he’d done was kiss you. He wasn’t some boy, he was a man, he knew what he was doing, and you wanted more. Every last little piece of him. 

The restraint was gone. He wanted you just as badly, and that was all he could focus on. When you pushed your hips further into him, he groaned at the friction, easily getting carried away. You felt, looked, sounded, tasted, even smelled divine to him. He’d been hard for a good while already, and this time when you rolled your hips and he felt you against him, he let out a satisfied groan. 

That only encouraged you further and you kept moving, lips moving heatedly against his, as you started to get yourself off against him, his hands on your ass guiding you. 

“I want more.” You breathed out when he pulled back for air. “Where’s your bedroom?” 

Baekhyun didn’t answer, rather he stood, your legs still wrapped around him as he carried you away, until gently laying you down on his mattress. 

With you he became a gentle, caring lover. Maybe it was your age, or the fact that he’d been your mentor, but the way he touched you was like you were something precious. Like if he wasn’t careful, you would break. Even as he positioned himself between your thighs, he was cautious, never moving too quickly, watching for any hesitation on your end. 

But there was none, your desire for him was all-consuming in a way that was hard to understand, even in the moment. Without him pressed against you, you felt like you might actually die. 

“I’m not made of glass, Baek. You don’t have to be so careful.” 

“I know, I just… I want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I want this to be special.” 

When his lips met yours for the nth time that day, you started to tug on his clothes, until his shirt was being pulled over his head and he got to work undressing you as well. One by one he took off your blouse, followed by the skirt you were wearing, next unhooking your bra, until all that was left on your body was a pair of lacy underwear. Still desperate for his affection, you kept your lips glued to his all you could, the added feel of his warm skin against your own stealing any rationality from your mind. All you could think of was him, you wanted him in a way you didn’t even know was possible. 

He froze above you when your hand reached down, trying to get the button of his jeans undone. 

Even the few seconds when his touch left you completely as he finished undressing himself felt torturous. A breath got stuck in your throat when you felt his hands at your hips, slowly pulling the last piece of clothing from your body before reclaiming his place between your thighs. 

As your eyes met his and he started to move closer, you realized that there was something he needed to know. 

“Wait- I should probably tell you, I’ve never done this before.”

You watched as the color drained from Baekhyun’s face, eyes wide. He hadn’t even considered that you might be a virgin, you were old enough to have some experience, but it shouldn’t have been that much of a surprise to him either. Those five words hit him like a punch in the gut. 

He rolled off of you, hands running through his hair, eyes squeezed shut. “God, this is so fucked up.” 

You sat up, taking one of his hands and he looked at you with uncertainty. “It’s not a big deal, but I’m sorry if that was a bit of a shock.” 

He gave you a sympathetic, but worried look. “It is a big deal though, at least to me. This would be irresponsible enough if it wasn’t your first time, I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t want to be responsible for how you’ll feel afterwards.” 

His words made your heart sink and a lump form in your throat. “What? No, please, Baekhyun, trust me, there isn’t anyone in the entire world that I would rather do this with than you, here and now. Please. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything this badly.” 

“You have to realize how tough of a spot you’re putting me in.” 

“I don’t care. I just want you, I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life. Please.” 

You moved closer to him, linking your hands behind the back of his neck, taking him with you as you fell back onto the mattress. He looked down at you, still unsure. 

“Please.” 

He shushed you with another kiss, but had his own conditions if he was really going to be your first. “You have to tell me immediately if you feel uncomfortable at all, or if it hurts, and you can stop me at any point if you don’t want it anymore.” 

You could see in his eyes the concern and uncertainty he was feeling, but you had gotten this far, and you knew what you wanted, and you wanted it bad. You nodded, and he was between your legs once again, the anticipation rising. 

Baekhyun didn’t miss the way you gasped at the first touch of his length against your inner thigh. He wanted to make sure you were ready, that it didn’t hurt too badly, so he started with one finger inside you, slowly working it in and out, before adding a second. The wetness and your whimpers told him you were more than ready, easily taking his digits, and finally, he moved to replace them with his length.  

You felt him position himself at your entrance, and you were certain you’d never felt that kind anticipation before, leaving you a shaking, panting mess underneath him. 

You felt his hand softly against your cheek, and your eyes opened to meet his. “Y/n, baby. You’re sure you want this?” 

You nodded without even a second of hesitation. “Yes, god, please.” 

The softness of his kiss was a stark contrast to the intrusion of him pushing inside, the pain making your eyes squeeze shut and a whine pass your lips. 

He stopped moving when he saw your reaction, giving you time to adjust to the new sensation. “Am I hurting you?” 

It did hurt, but your desire overpowered any sign of discomfort. “Please don’t stop.” 

With his forehead pressed to yours he kept going, until his hips were flush with yours. He felt your discomfort in how tense you were, staying still to let the pain subside. 

“Baekhyun, please.” 

You might’ve not minded the pain, too concerned with the intense need for more, but he wasn’t going to move until he knew you were okay. 

“I know it hurts baby, you have to relax, can you do that for me?” 

You whined in response but realized that he was right, you were extremely un-relaxed, and as you made a conscious effort to let go of all the tension in your body, the pain faded away. 

He felt it, and saw how you melted into the mattress, and took it as his cue to start moving. 

The first thrust had your back arching, moaning his name and he just kept going, setting a slow rhythm. You clung to him, moaning unabashedly, losing yourself to the new and incredible feeling of him inside you. Nothing could’ve prepared you for it, this was so much better than anything you’d been able to come up with in your own fantasies. Just the weight and warmth of him on top of you overwhelmed you, combined with the feeling of him pushing in, pulling out almost completely each time, before sinking back into you, it was like your own personal heaven. He was your own personal heaven. 

It only got better as he kept moving, that familiar warm feeling building in the pit of your stomach. You’d had orgasms before, but what you could do with your own hands didn’t even compare to what he was doing to you. It was a wholly different, and far more intense sensation. 

His lips collided with yours in a messy, lustful haze, praises passing his lips in between breaths.  “You feel so good baby, so perfect, so beautiful.”

Those words heightened everything even more, his low voice sending chills running down your spine. 

“Baek, please.” 

You didn’t even know what you were begging for anymore, you were just imploring him for more, everything and anything he could give you, you wanted it. The feeling of him rolling his hips into you again and again clearing your mind, your pleasure and desire all consuming. 

However he could see it in your eyes, how you needed more, and picked up the pace. The way he pushed himself into you, now faster, and with more force, had the tightness in your belly growing more intense by the second. 

The build up was more intense than you ever knew possible, losing control as he continued his ministrations, until all at once, you fell. 

The orgasm raged through you, leaving every nerve ablaze, as you shook and gasped at the overwhelming wave of pleasure. 

Above you, Baekhyun was losing control too, still pushing inside deeply, teetering on the edge, but your fucked out expression combined with the way you clenched around him had him reaching his high soon after you, shuddering with a moan as he let go. 

For a minute you both stayed just like that, panting, gasping, letting the climax slowly fade, until there was nothing left but a tangled web of sweaty limbs. 

When he pulled out and rolled off of you, the loss of his warmth made you whine. You barely even noticed when he got up, soon returning with a wet towel, and cleaning you up. 

He settled in next to you, and you smiled when his arm wrapped around you, pulling you into him. 

Luckily the exhaustion did well to lull you to sleep, any painful thoughts being pushed to the morning, but you wouldn’t be able to escape them forever. 

He woke you up with a kiss on the cheek, and at first it all felt so nice, so tender and intimate, in bed together with him as the sun began to poke through the curtains. Slowly he got up, and you followed, feeling the dull ache between your thighs as you stood. 

Seeing the way you grimaced at the soreness, he was quickly at your side. “Shit, sorry.” He muttered. 

You just let out a small laugh. “It’s okay, it was worth it, at least. Definitely worth it.” 

He smiled, pulling his clothes on as you gathered your own, before doing the same. “Let’s get you home, before it gets busy and people could see us leaving here together."

There it was, the rude call back to reality. That your night with him was over, that now you would have to hide again, to sneak around, and constantly be reminded that he wasn’t really yours, and never would be. 

Stupid, foolish girl. 

You managed to make it back home without being spotted, and even his kiss goodbye couldn’t keep the sadness from taking you over. He noticed it too, how you seemed to shut down after making it to his car. 

Back in your room, you let it all out, letting the tears seep into your pillow. Once again, he’d turned you into a complete mess, the pain and frustration leaving you broken.

Nobody could ever again give you what he could, could make you feel what he could. It was him, the man you’d looked up to and admired for so many years, and now after having slept with him, it was clearer than ever. 

That was the nature of your relationship with him. You were powerless to him, and no matter how much it would ruin you, you'd let him do it, over and over again.

For him, you would ruin yourself, a million little times.

[watermelonlicker]

what is THEE larry song (s) in your opinion?

HOLY shit that is a loaded question. well to start off i’ll just say my interpretation is based off their patterns and what i know of their history. i don’t really focus or trust too much on what they say in interviews tbh bcos a lot of what they say has to fall in line with their pr so they don’t breach any of their image clauses or to spin a specific narrative to deflect from the true meanings of each song. they really can only give a crumb and that’s about it. interviews are never about honesty.

with that being said i think we have to start with the band days like there are soo many songs from that time where they’re screaming to be heard or just expressing their utter devotion like when harry wrote i love you for alex & sierra or just a little bit of your heart for ari.

louis for me has this unique ability to open up the darkest parts of his mind and frame them into songs of inspiration and positivity. these aren’t larry but they get an honorable mention for being my faves like two of us, only the brave, and bigger than me. when listening to louis it’s like you’re consuming a skittles packet filled with eternal happiness while being depressed as hell.

harry is the definition of beauty and transcendence. listening to his music is like stepping into a vortex and being spit out into a greek tragedy where he allows you closely inside his heart while also educating you visually. you have to interpret his words extremely carefully in order to capture the depth of his work bcos each album is like a painting. he is so intelligent with his pen like a musical genius and such a gentle soul.

with larry so many of their songs are interwoven and discuss their long-term relationship and also their fight for their individuality and fight against their closet. even the songs they didn’t write but have spoken about being their faves or relating to (moments, more than this, loved you first, little things, 18,) shows how much they were always so love sick for each other. for the larry songs i’ll begin with one of their more underrated ones that they wrote with liam & ryan tedder right now. that song discuss how they’re trying to navigate only wanting each other while facing the pressures of fame and separations. those themes also carry on into harry’s happily, where do broken hearts go, stockholm syndrome, and if i could fly. with louis he always mirrors harry and follows those themes in stronger, ready to run, fireproof, and love you goodbye.

then you have one of the big ones NO CONTROL which speaks on not just their sex life but how much they truly are obsessed with each other. what i like about larry’s music is how they answer each other in their songs and i really love that harry not only followed up no control (his favorite song written by louis for him) but got NASTY with it in watermelon sugar & cinema. and to continue with them answering each other i definitely feel like don’t let it break your heart is the answer to ever since new york. in that song harry is asking for a fix to his pain, for an antidote, and imo dlitbyh sounds like just that. and then we have harry saying loving you is the antidote in golden which FUCK and then how much he just adores louis in adore you.

another big one is PERFECT which is thee ™ larry song and the only one they have publicly released together. perfect gives you an insight on the origins of their relationship, their banter, and how they are on a similar wavelength. i mean the song literally speaks for itself and made so much noise the industry pr machine was working overtime to try and pretend like that very obvious song about each other was not about them.

venturing into their solo albums they obviously discuss a variety of topics and themes. i think hs1 & fine line are more metaphorical about harry, his relationship with gender, fame, and individual experiences like trying cocaine for the first time (carolina). walls is very similar (again mirrors of each other) and it discusses louis’ journey with loss & suffering and how to come out of it. on hs1 you have another big one SWEET CREATURE which is harry discussing that no matter how hard it gets louis will always be the one to guide him back to himself & that their love is genuinely the one thing he can count on even when they drift apart sometimes. that song also gave us the most iconic harry failure of a denial of all time and gave birth to horse noise sue.

some of their songs also have multiple meanings that i do think applies to them and the fans like we made it and habit. i do think louis was telling a crumb about that. i think habit really discusses his rocky relationship with harry and also his rocky relationship with larries. he’s always gonna need us and that couldn’t be more true than what’s happening right now with mctrash. the greatest is another one that louis said is about the fans which i can see and i do believe it’s also about harry bcos fitf’s theme is him basically looking towards freedom. opening up the album with the greatest cements what he overcame with harry and the fans and that they/we are strongest together. the larry songs on walls are of course the ones we will talk about forever too young & always you. like those are the most obvious validating songs and i love them to death. defenceless is another one that is like the pg version of no control and i do think perfect now is a nod to harry’s struggles with his gender and no matter what, he is everything in louis’ eyes + we know louis has always supported him when it comes to his gender fluidity.

i’ve already mentioned a few from fine line but i do feel like to be so lonely is a big one. i really like the theory that it’s harry discussing a voicemail louis left him and bcos i’m a dramatic lesbian i do like the drama of it. i also think sunflower vol.6 and canyon moon are more domestic ones and i think fine line the song is another one with multiple meanings that discusses harry’s relationship with fame, himself, and also with louis. it’s one of my fave songs which is why it’s my pinned. now back to fitf i think written all over your face is a very obvious harry song and is a nod to how he can be a petty queen. i mean hello miss kiss me you fool dragging louis in front of 20k people i take harry is fucking with me pop culture iconography. a MOMENT. lucky again also screams larry to me and so does silver tongues, she is beauty we are world class, and that’s the way love goes. there’s a few others on that album i think you can connect on harry but again i think they have multifaceted meanings. fitf is honestly just such a fucking great album and louis came into his own on it.

to end this, we have the momentous harry’s house, the 2x grammy award winning album and his gayest album yet. i think harry’s house can be argued as the larry album bcos so many of the songs on there are his most direct. i’ve already mentioned a few but some others i think are about louis/or just the relationship is late night talking (when they miss each other), MFASR, grapejuice, daylight, keep driving, daydream, satellite, and love of my life. i think about 90% of that album is reflecting the highs and lows of their relationship but how in the end they got it back which is why i really love the reverse theory. i agree with that theory so heavy. i believe ultimately their relationship is so paramount. it is the reason for their harsh closeting and they have had to learn how to navigate it as a team while also having separate careers and making sure to be their own people so that they can be the healthiest version of themselves. i’m so fucking excited for what they have to say in lt3 & hs4 and how they catch us up on everything that’s happened since 2022.

edit: the way i forgot to put HOME in here and thought i did when i had to re-type this shit cos my draft got deleted. thanks @backtothelighton yet another major larry song about freedom and queer anthem in general. and i forgot the unreleased you know what I TRIED! please there’s so much damn music and i was focusing on the officials but shoutout to ALL ALONG, COACOC, medicine, already home, without you, and can we talk.

[kailoraurelius]

I’ve been crying over “Falling in love with Chloe was an accident.” for the past 10 minutes wtf lmao 😭😭 thats so her I cant

That line alone needs its own story

Beca tried to read the dictionary once, back in elementary school. Her classes were boring and the kids around her were boring and she figured—with the logic of a child—reading the dictionary would mean she knew what everything meant and she'd be smarter and could finish school faster. It was a brilliant, flawless plan.

She didn't even make it through the A's, because reading the dictionary was boring too. Obviously.

But she remembers some of the words she read pretty well. And one in particular has been bugging her for a while now.

Accident—An event that happens by chance or that is without apparent or deliberate cause.

There's other, less cool definitions that pop up when she googles it to make sure she remembers right. But this is the definition that sticks out to her.

A lot of things in her life have happened by accident, she thinks. Accepting her dad's college deal to get him off her back accidentally led to her finishing out her degree. Landing the job in New York accidentally led to her and Jesse breaking up. (There was another, more pressing reason, but they've silently agreed to let this be the story for now.) Not being able to afford the ridiculous rent on her own accidentally led to her having to roommate with Chloe and Amy. And, related, not being able to afford more than a studio apartment, even with the three of them chipping in, accidentally led to her sharing a bed with Chloe. For the foreseeable future.

Which brings everything back around to that more pressing reason for her and Jesse's breakup...

Falling in love with Chloe was an accident. There was Jesse and he was cool. Not a great boyfriend, but a good one. And a great friend. Which felt like a good enough balance back then. It should have worked for her.

But there was also Chloe and she was...everything. Shockingly bold, hopelessly optimistic, and undyingly kind. And beautiful. The kind of beautiful that artists desperately attempt to create. The kind that makes Beca's stomach flutter when it's too close.

Jesse noticed it first. And it wasn't until he flat out said, "You're in love with Chloe" that she was able to fully accept it herself.

Falling in love with Chloe was an accident. Except...she doesn't think it was. Because how can there not be "apparent or deliberate cause" when Chloe is constantly running her fingers along Beca’s forearms just the way she likes or waking her in the mornings by shaking her with soft hands and even softer whispers. Is it "chance" that Chloe always knows exactly how Beca wants the music she makes to be interpreted? Just chance that Chloe can sense Beca's mood without her even speaking?

It can't be, Beca thinks as she sits on the end of their bed, watching Chloe. It's just the two of them, Amy out with Bumper for the evening, and Beca's just staring as Chloe dances around the kitchen while she cooks. She hums and sways her hips to whatever song is stuck in her head today. When it comes time to add the cheese to her pasta, she opens the fridge and pulls out the cheddar. Amy's favorite is cheddar. Chloe's is pepper jack and Beca knows for a fact that there's a bag of it in the fridge, right beside where the cheddar was. The spoon taps gently against the side of the pot, musically, as Chloe stirs with one hand and conducts a silent orchestra with the other.

And that can't all be chance. Can't all be without apparent or deliberate cause. Because Chloe was made to be loved. Designed to draw people in and make them want to build a home in her presence. Everyone falls in love with her, because how could they not? And Beca, in particular, feels targeted. Because it can't be an accident that this girl who is Beca's opposite in so many ways harmonizes with her so perfectly. It just can't be.

And maybe that's why Beca speaks up.

"I love you, you know."

Chloe nearly drops the spoon as she spins around. "What did you say?"

Another time, another version of herself, she may have taken it back. Or turned it into a joke so nothing would get weird or awkward. But right here and now, she's so certain that none of this is happenstance. It was inevitable. "I'm in love with you," Beca says, shrugging. "I have been for forever. And I don't know why the hell I decided to tell you right now, but uh." She shrugs again and stands up.

Chloe hasn't moved from her place at the stove and she watches with wide eyes and trembling hands as Beca crosses the distance between them.

"I don't know, dude. You just..." Awkwardly, Beca motions to the dinner on the stove and the kitchen in general that Chloe has been dancing in for the last hour. "I just wanted to...say it. I guess. And it's totally cool if you—"

Chloe kisses her like she was made to do just that. Her arms wrap around Beca's neck with the kind of ease born of years and years of friendly hugs and maybe cosmic design. And when Beca grabs her hips to pull her in closer, Chloe’s sigh sounds so much like, "Finally".

When Chloe eventually pulls back, it's with a smile Beca knows well. She saw it that day in the showers of Barden, on stages around the world, and almost every morning since they moved in together.

"I'm in love with you too. Totes ridiculously in love." Chloe laughs against her lips as she steals another kiss. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

"You should tell me." Beca grins when Chloe kisses her again for it.

"I will. But first." Chloe winces apologetically as she removes one arm from around Beca's neck and reveals she's still holding the cheese sauce-covered spoon. "I think I just got sauce on your shirt." She tugs Beca to the side to check her back. "Shit, I totally did. I'm sorry!"

Beca just laughs. "It's okay. It was an accident."

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

The thing about Gaylors is that it isn't like a bunch of people connected with a song about longing and secrecy or something, and thought "this relates to my experience as a queer person, I wonder if she's felt something similar. Maybe she's bi or something." (She isn't, she has made it very clear, but I could see listening to a song as a young, queer teenager and wondering.) Or even listening to a song like Betty and interpreting it as queer, which my 62 het mother did. No, for Gaylor, Taylor Swift is a lesbian, she's never been romantically or sexually attracted to a man. She's been married to Karlie Kloss since 2016. The kids Karlie Kloss supposedly has with Josh Kushner are fake (then they insert an antisemitic comment about Josh Kushner). All the men Taylor has 'dated' are fake beards who she hates (no word on why she pretended to date a man she hated for 6 years when she could have presumably picked a guy she like. And shout out to Calvin Harris for being so mad when they broke up he broke his car and went on a tirad on twitter but didn't out her. Queer Ally there.) And if you count the buttons on her coat you'd know that she is trying to tell us that. It isn't unlike how instead of looking at her new relationship and going "They are cute, I hope they are having a good time," people are going "they are soulmates, he's her 13th boyfriend [i've heard of] and so its fate. They are going to get married and have children within the next year. If they break up, I'll die." Or people watching a music video saying "there are 5 blue squares, that means 1989 TV is coming next, because its blue and the fifth album" when it also just...had 1989 TV as text on a sign at the end of the video. I know people are weird about celebrities. I am occasionally weird about celebrities. I have watched interviews where famous people seem funny and charming and though "I really hope they are actually as nice as they seem on TV." But that line between the mild parasocial relationships many celebrities invite because of their brand and the "this persons mine" mentality is not ok.

okay I've been sitting on this one for a long time because I thought sharing it seemed like kind of mean but. as long as we're delving the depths of gaylor conspiracy hell I want you all to see this 158 slide presentation "proving" Taylor was planning to come out when Lover was released, discovered by my dear friend @dykeschemicalromance via tiktok. it is, and I do not say this lightly, one of the most unsettling depictions of conspiracy thought in action I've ever seen

[maxiemumdamage]

So, I’m thinking about it, and…I’m not sure if Blake has never had a true, proper, solo song. A musical theme all her own.

From Shadows should be it, obviously, but…even as it’s her musical theme, I don’t think the song as a whole is actually hers. Because the lyrics and more intense instrumentals and just…everything after the beat drops is so clearly not Blake. It’s Adam. If not his voice, then his influence on her.

That’s not to say nothing there was Blake’s. The piano at the beginning and end of the song — before Adam appears and after Blake leaves him — are clearly her own style. Her own motif. But…for the most part, when that song recognizably reoccurs, it’s not for Blake alone, but for her in conjunction with Adam. It’s in the context of their toxic, abusive relationship and the way he corrupted her worldview.

Like Morning Follows Night is definitely more about Sun as Blake’s supporter and interlocutor — I mean, we don’t really learn much about him in canon outside of his relationship with her. But that’s still ultimately a song about Sun as Blake’s supporter (and, within the rap part of it, his unrequited crush on her). Yes, part of it is her processing/being called out on her own issues and trauma, but that’s still done largely in Sun’s voice.

Wings is…tricky. It’s clearly about Blake, but I don’t think it’s her own perspective at all — it’s either Weiss or Yang (depending on the interpretation, though given when it occurs in the actual show I actually think Weiss is the likelier suspect) talking about and to Blake. And I don’t think it’s exactly a complete picture.

Similarly…BMBLB and All That Matters are Yang, singing to or about Blake. And she’s coming at it with her own emotions and perspective, meaning that while Blake is part of the song it’s not her song. Not hers alone.

Nevermore and Worthy are literal, explicit duets, and Treasure still has room for ambiguity in whether it’s Blake or Yang or both of them together. (Wow, the Bees have a ton of songs.) Blake has a voice for sure! But it’s not about her alone.

…writing this made me realize how while Blake may not have a single solo, she’s still very well-represented musically. There are so many songs Blake has where she’s dueting and/or sharing the themes with someone else! I think that’s a reflection of both her multitude of interesting relationships and her role as a leader in her own right. But more on that part later.

Touch the Sky from Volume 7 is probably meant to be for Blake, but like…not distinctly, not beyond a doubt, and not with any specificity. You COULD read it as a Weiss song just as easily. Hell, it applies to everyone among the main cast to an extent. Which makes it hard to argue that it’s a Blake solo song.

And from the same Volume’s soundtrack…Brand New Day is absolutely Blake’s, specifically, but she shared it with Qrow. It’s about how both of them are changing and lightening their worldview and feeling freer. And again, could technically apply to even more people. But it’s explicitly at least two of them.

But there’s one duet that I still think is Blake’s first and foremost — This Time from the Volume 5 soundtrack.

It’s definitely got a heavy presence with the male vocalist/lyrics as an interlocutor, but first and foremost it’s a resolution to the issues Blake has been wrestling with. She’s putting her past with the White Fang behind her and instead is organizing a new Faunus rights movement.

Some people do argue that the interlocutor’s identity is ambiguous — which I disagree with, I think it’s definitely Ghira, since Sun isn’t actually very invested in the Faunus rights storyline. (Probably a symptom of him being from Vacuo, where no one can afford to be racist.)

But Ghira being the accompanying support and backing vocals for his daughter does work well with RWBY’s themes of legacy and generational trauma and making things better for those who come next. Ghira is back on the wagon because his daughter inspired him to get there — Blake’s not subsumed in the duet by any means.

I would still very much like to see a proper, complete, solo Blake song at some point. But I worry the ship may have sailed by now. She’s reached…maybe not an endpoint, but she’s getting close to fully realized and confident in terms of character development. Plus, I suspect her romantic relationship and the Faunus rights movement are her next major plotlines, both of which don’t much lend themselves to solo ballads.

…but also, a lot of Blake’s songs are also Bumbleby songs, and I can’t say I’m mad about it.

[sweatinghoneybee]

Been reading this x reader fanfic of Epic: the musical and animal crossing called 'Epic: The Fair Maiden' in @kquil's side blog kqutie and I've been loving the premise so much so I've decided to make a new OC based off of the fanfic she has made. And I'm honestly I'm so glad to find another fix it fanfic caus elile as much as I love the musical, it has given me too much angsts like damnit my boy Polites died when he has just finished singing a happy song and my guy Eurylochus wasn't able to get back home to his wife! Like come on! The guy also been loyal for so long like his bro Ody! Get him back to his wifey!

And disclaimer no the what I drew here isn't how reader is said to look like in the fic but it's just my Interpretation since reader is based off of reader themselves.

I named my OC Theo cause the name means miracle and also cause even tho the reader is called fair maiden by everyone in the fic (can I just say that I love how the reader is being referred to by an actual title instead of like y/n or like an "insert name here" cause like I love this part so much cause it makes the story so much more immersive somehow in head, I don't know maybe I just love how the reader is referred to something else after reading so many fanfics that makes you need to insert a name when you read a part of the name) I don't know why but I thought it would be so funny that her real name would rhyme with Calypso since in the story she's basically like the anti-Calypso cause unlike Calypso who wants to keep Odysseus so that he'll be with her forever the second the fair maiden meets the whole crew she does everything she can to get all these grown ass man to finally have some peace while she helps them be tip top shape to get back home and is Odysseus' and by extension Eurylochus' supporter in getting these two loving husbands to get back to their beloved wives (⁠●⁠♡⁠∀⁠♡⁠)

For the look I gave her I don't know why but I thought of strawberries when I made her and I thought it'll be so cute cause like she's so sweet in the fic and also she can't talk which added a unintentionally reference to Ariel and basically because she's a disney princess here, so with that I gave her bright red hair with strawberry flowers covering it and I also made her have these cone swirl hairstyles? (What do you call this hairstyles in anime) As abit of a reference to how Eurylochus says that no outfit (which I'm extending to hair here) will stop her from doing any labor work. And I gave her green eyes as like the green leaf on strawberries. And I sorta wanted her to be short and have a plump body type cause like she's being referred shorter then Eurylochus and also being referred to be like a chipmunk when she ran a grabbed every single gold from the money tree in the fic. And I thought the plump body shape would fit since I think if I remember correctly in ancient Greece a woman being more plump is considered beautiful and with how the story literally gave her the title fair maiden I think it fits well! And then I just gave her the dresses that's being described in the fic and done! Honestly the hardest fore to draw is the whale shark, seriously coloring that thing's spots are hard!

Oh and also Hermes’ design is from Zieru in youtube! Pls check out their stuff, they’re amazing!

That's all I'm gonna say, please if any of you all haven't read this fic and are interested here's a link for the master list of this fic

This story has two versions, a platonic version and the not platonic version so if any of you all are not interested on reading romance and just wanted to read a story of you being friends with the whole crew there's a choice for you (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ please give the author some love Kay? She really worked hard to make these story so give her many appreciations she deserves! She even made a poll about whether or not she should make a different ending for the two different versions so please support her in her efforts! Can't wait to so what she'll decide to end this series since the ending is soon! So those who want to join in before it ends, come on quickly and come join reading this cozy fic! ＼⁠(⁠^⁠o⁠^⁠)⁠／

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

To follow up on my Hosanna poll, I think before things go any further, it'd be good to actually explain and define it. I was initially going to wait until the end of the poll, but it seems that google is giving people a lot of bad and/or conflicting answers and I'd rather people walk away with the correct information.

So! Hosanna is an anglicized version of the Hebrew words "hosha na" [הושע נא or as a contraction הושענא]. Hosha na is a little enigmatic and hard to translate, but the simplest translation is probably "save us, please." It's traditionally used as an exclamation to G-d to rescue us, but it also has shades of being a triumphant shout (the implication being confidence that G-d will save us.)

Jews say "hoshanot" (the plural of hosha na) as part of our traditional Sukkot liturgy, and is something we do still today.

For us, the multi-faceted meaning of the root word allows us to have multiple layers of meaning. During Sukkot, we start praying for rain in its proper season and amounts, and we shake the lulav and etrog as part of these processions and liturgy. On Hoshana Rabba [the "great hoshana"], the last day of Sukkot, we process around the bimah (front lectern) seven times as a completion of our season of repentance and our starting of the new year with abundant blessings.

My siddur (prayer book) Lev Shalem has this as an explanation and translation:

[Image ID is of the Lev Shalem siddur, pages 382 & 383 - I tried hard to find a pdf of this that would be readable using a screen reader, but the versions I'm finding cut off at pg. 376 at the latest. If anyone has bandwidth to type this up, I would greatly appreciate it]

For the curious, here is a recording of the Hoshanot liturgy and procession:

Christians mostly know the word from the gospels and hymns.

Here is what Wikipedia says about its use in Christianity:

Historical meaning

Since those welcoming Jesus were Jewish, as of course Jesus himself was, some would interpret the cry of "Hosanna" on the entry of Jesus in its proper meaning, as a cry by the people for salvation and rescue.

Christian reinterpretation

"Hosanna" many interpret as a shout of praise or adoration made in recognition of the messiahship of Jesus on his entry into Jerusalem

It is applied in numerous verses of the New Testament, including "Hosanna! blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lᴏʀᴅ!" (Matthew 21:9,15; Mark 11:9–10; John 12:13), which forms part of the Sanctus prayer; "hosanna in the highest" (Mark 11.10); and "hosanna to the Son of David" (Matt 21:9). These quotations, however, are of words in the Jewish Psalm 118. Although not used in the book of Luke, the testimony of Jesus' entry into Jerusalem is recorded in Luke 19.

In church music

The "Hosanna Anthem", based on the phrase Hosanna, is a traditional Moravian Church anthem written by Bishop Christian Gregor of Herrnhut sung on Palm Sunday and the first Sunday of Advent. It is antiphonal, i.e. a call-and-response song; traditionally, it is sung between the children and adult congregation, though it is not unheard of for it to be done in other ways, such as between choir and congregation, or played between trombone choirs.

The bottom line:

Jews and Christians have different connections, associations, and meanings attached to this word as expressions of our different theologies and texts. The word is derived from a Hebrew word and was created by Jews and is still used by us today. (Like literally today - we are currently in the middle of the Sukkot festival.) Christians changed the meaning to fit within their own context, and pronunciation of the word evolved with linguistic drift over time. In the same way that there's not a reason to pitch a fit over saying Jesus rather than Yeshua, there's no compelling reason to change hosanna back to hosha na; if anything, the distinction helps make it clear that it's effectively a different word and concept from ours.

On the other hand, I do think Christians ought to know the original meaning of the word if they're going to use it. To only ever know their version when it was derived from ours is yet another small way of playing into supercessionism by erasing and replacing the Jewish context of things that were originated in Judaism that Christians have embedded in Christianity. While the Christians of today cannot unwind the supercessionism of Christian history, they *can* choose to understand their present Christianity in ways that do not play into supercessionism and that respect the Jewish community of today.

I hope this was helpful and gives folks a new perspective on an obscure Hebrew word!

[ginger-snap-talkin-nonsense]

Now that you watched EPIC, I really wanted to hear you talk about what you liked about it. It's nice reading you talk about things you like :D

I think they made a really smart move in centering their core theme around how what we call people determines what they are to us. This is one of the many themes present both in the source material AND the musical, but it's certainly my favorite for this particular retelling.

From the obvious and infamous Nobody scene to the infinitely discussed but seldom discussed in this context change from Athena calling Odysseus friend.

My favorite use of this is actually a scene a lot of people take in good fun (myself included), but that I haven't seen many talk about: The Olive Tree.

For those unaware, in the musicals final song "Would You Fall in Love With Me Again?" Penelope tests Odysseus by asking him to move their marital bed as an act of love after he has begged her to fall in love with him again after he returned as a "different man". Odysseus is enraged at this notion as he had carved the bed into the olive tree they met under, and to move it would be to cut down a symbol of their everlasting love. To which Penelope then exclaims that only Odysseus would know that before telling him that his question is ridiculous as he hasn't changed at all. He's still her husband.

Now, most folks have joked about Penelope playing "world's dumbest questions" with him, but I interpret the question differently. I don't believe she's asking him to do this as an act of proof or to grant Odysseus another chance. She asks him because it's specifically built out of the tree that symbolizes their love before the war.

She's giving him the chance to have what he's asking for. If he cuts down the tree then she will start from scratch with him. Fall in love with this new man. But Odysseus doesn't want to start over. He wants to keep loving her as he did when he left, just like her.

Even his question betrays his own sentiments about being a different man. "Would you fall in love with me AGAIN?" indicates that even he's aware that he's still the Odysseus she fell in love with in the first place. But his name has meant so many different things, he has been so many different people, and he has been through so much that he believes the underworld's prophets words and says that Odysseus must no longer be him.

You can't convince Penelope that Odysseus is different. He can't even truly convince himself.

But just as Odysseus means Nobody to Polythemus, enemy to Poseidon, Captain to his men, and Friend to Athena, Odysseus means husband to Penelope. And that man who loves and adores her never changed. Not that part. And that's HER Odysseus.

He is the infamous Odysseus. Forever changed, and eternally unmoved. The most ruthless man who ever loved.