#it made me actually start crying bc i was so overwhelmed by how much i didn't understand the movie

[pee-com]

movie so bad it genuinely ruined my day

[kisseobie]

piwon’s reaction to reader squirting? 🫠

p1harmony reacting to making you squirt

pairings: ot6 p1harmony x reader

warnings: nsfw (mdni)

tags: unprotected sex (don’t do this lolz), cunnilingus (fem. receiving), crying, squirting (duh), rough sex, degradation, spanking, fingering, masturbation, mentions of piss, corruption, i think that’s the bulk of it?

a/n: apparently user kisseobie is the biggest whore on the planet bc i started writing this the minute i saw the notification in my inbox.. i couldn’t help myself from doing full fledged reactions sorry …. also i believe in pussy slapping keeho supremacy .. also don’t ask why i wrote so much i wasn’t planning on it….

❤︎ keeho

the two of you are sat on the soft carpet of keeho’s bedroom, your bare back pressed up against his clothed chest. your boyfriend has one hand tightly holding your face in place, forcing you to stare at the mirror in front of you and watch as his other hand descends between your thighs. his rough fingers gather your slick and you mewl in response, to which he gently pushes his fingers into your cunt. he may be an attentive lover, but he’s not the most patient, and his rigorous pace of fucking his digits into you is almost immediate, causing you to whine and thrash against him. “mm kyo, ‘s too much!” is the only coherent sentence you can get out of yourself as keeho ignores your pleas to slow down, only quickening the pace of his fingers moving in and out of your pussy. your eyes screw shut as your boyfriend’s hot breath hits your right ear, and with his mouth so close to your face, you can properly hear his quiet grunts and curses, the only indication that he’s not nearly as composed as he’s attempting to seem. when he notices that your eyes aren’t on your reflection anymore, he gives your clit a firm spank that makes you scream and jolt in surprise. “fuckkkkkk, no more p-please i can’t take it!!” you squeal, eyes shutting once again, partly because keeho’s assault on your pussy is salivating, and partly because your humiliated, humiliated that he’s capable of forcing you into submission so quickly, and how you sit in front of him fully naked while your boyfriend watches you, fully clothed and composed.

you can’t stop shaking and sobbing against him. he eventually lets you lay your head back on his shoulder as the pleasure becomes overwhelming, but his fingers never still. “look at you,” he coos, “haven’t even stuffed you with my dick yet and you’re drooling all over yourself. you’re so fucking nasty y/n” he taunts, only egging himself on with every insult. if you ignore his command to look at yourself, he once again grabs your chin and forces you to, laughing under his breath at your tears and dumbed out expression as you try your best to listen to your boyfriend’s next words. “need you to come for me, can you do that angel? you gonna cum around my fingers? gonna make a mess all over me?” he sweetly asks you, a heavy contrast to the pad of thumb currently drawing circles into your puffy clit. you can only nod in reply, feeling a more intense orgasm bubbling in your tummy and before you can warn him, keeho lands another slap against your mound that pushes you over the edge. you’re floating, vision white and toes curled as you writhe against kyo’s fingers. minutes pass by and you finally come back to your senses, feeling keeho laying pecks all across your bare shoulders as you slump into him, and that’s when you notice that there are spritz and drops of what seems to be liquid on keeho’s mirror, pooled on the carpet below you, and scattered across the smooth skin of your thighs. you can hear keeho’s heavy pants, and when you turn to apologize for the mess you’ve made, your words get stuck in your threat as you realize that your boyfriend didn’t mind one bit, quite the opposite actually. he’s on top of you in seconds, laying your back against the now damp carpet as he stares at you with a wild, lust-driven look on his face.

“think i can make you squirt around my cock next, pretty?”

“wait kyo! won’t fit, it won’t fit!” is your reply, but do you really think he gives a care in the world? he’ll make it fit, and he’ll draw those waves out from you until you’re both spent and soaked in your sweet juices <3

❤︎ theo

“wait so you’ve never..?”

“nope. i don’t think every girl can”

it started with an unserious conversation about your personal sexual experiences, a topic your new boyfriend was very curious about. for the most part, the atmosphere was lighthearted as you and theo took turns interrogating eachother, but a specific question asked by your boyfriend leads to you admitting that a guy has never made you squirt, much less orgasm before, to which theo shakes his head in denial. he’s hesitant to believe you, half anticipating you to laugh it off and tell him you were just joking. however, when you meet his quizzical look with a blank stare, his mind starts to drift to more dangerous depths. always competitive in nature, taeyang takes your underwhelming sexual past as a challenge, and his demeanor shifts to one consumed by lust within seconds. he suddenly wants to show you everything, wants you to feel better than you’ve ever felt before, wants to mark you as his and become the only boy you could ever desire.

an hour later, he has you bouncing on and creaming his cock, giving you your third orgasm of the night. shows you all he has to offer, from his skillful fingers and tongue, to his massive dick that fills you up so well, so well that a bulge appears in your tummy. he’s addicted to your taste, your moans, your begs, and fucks you so good that it’s almost unbelievable that this is your first time together. slaps your ass and gropes your tits like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. not only is taeyang ridiculously good at sex, he’s also got the dirtiest mouth on him. can’t stop the expletives and praises dripping off his tongue like honey, telling you things like “so tiny, you sure this isn’t your first time sweetheart? if my fingers can’t fit, how are you gonna take my cock, hm?”. is borderline snarling everytime you gasp at a new sensation, and he knows right away that he’s got you hooked. your willingness to take whatever he gives you unlocks a corruption kink in him that he didn’t know was there. obsessed with the way that everytime he pulls out, your hips move on their own to chase the feeling of him filling you up again. you have such cute reactions to everything he’s giving to you, but his favorite by far is your begs for him to fuck you deeper, harder, fill you up with his seed. theo is so shameless, he doesn’t even care that your neighbors can probably feel your headboard hitting the wall with every thrust, wants them to know that the innocent pretty girl next door is getting defiled.

currently, he has you with your face down and ass up, posing all pretty for him and showing off your little hole, still dripping with his cum as he lines up his length with your pussy lips and pushes in. you love how degrading this position in, how you’re completely at his mercy like this, dizzy with want as you drool at the thought of coming around his dick again. theo lands another firm smack against your ass cheek, and your legs buckle up from the pain and pleasure. you’re twitching against him, getting addicted to the way your body is being tossed around like a ragdoll, as if you were made to be taeyang’s personal cocksleeve. he pounds into you like it’s nothing, and it sends blood rushing to your core. you silently thank the heavens for blessing you with a boyfriend like theo when you feel another climax approaching, all whilst theo continues to assault your cunt and use you like a cum dump. just when you believe theo couldn’t make you feel any better, his hand slips in between your legs to draw circles into your clit, and you feel the knot in your tummy tear in one firm snap that has you shaking, gripping onto anything within your reach to try to ground yourself as he works you through your nth orgasm of the night. your arousal leaks out of you, dripping and splashing onto theo’s pelvis and your sheets, and it just doesn’t stop spilling. you can hear your boyfriend groaning in satisfaction, filling you up once again and pounding irregularly as you both ride your highs together. after a few moments, taeyang’s thrusts slow to lazy grinds until you push your hips away, pleading him for “noooo, no more yangie.. too sensitive..” as he just watches you escape his grip in amusement. your boyfriend gives you a few minutes to catch your breath, massaging little shapes into your skin to ease any pain he may have caused earlier. when you’ve finally descended back to planet earth, you turn to look at theo with a face of disbelief, and he grins and leans in to kiss you, pulling off your lips just as quick to stare at you, still smiling mischievously. then he’s sitting up on your bed again, fingers moving dangerously close to your wetness as you widen your eyes at his next words.

“what was that you said earlier, my baby doesn’t think she can squirt? but look at you now.. so messy, want me to clean you up? hm? think you can take it?”

❤︎ jiung

“shhh pretty, gotta stay quiet ok? don’t wanna get us in trouble, do you?” jiung taunts as he lazily strokes himself to the view of you playing with your cute pussy. you’ve never felt so vulnerable before, burning up at the intensity of his gaze as you muster up enough courage to spread your legs wider in order to please him. when jiung asked you to show him how you touch yourself when he’s on tour earlier, you didn’t expect to be so shy, but another part of you feels empowered at how the sight of you playing with yourself is making him lose all of his composure. although you’re currently at his dorm, and are aware that the rest of the boys are also here, the risk of them hearing you doing something so dirty is exhilarating. your boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind either, completely detached from his surroundings and focused on the way you work 3 fingers into your hole, the way it gapes and swallows your digits. he’s breathing heavily in between his instructions, gaze dark as he continues to fuck up into his own palm. ji has always been so sweet with his praises, and everytime he calls you something as simple as pretty, you move your fingers a tad bit faster to chase your release. you’re about to inform him that you’re close, but he beats you to it by forcefully pulling your fingers away from your cunt, replacing them a few moments later with his own. jiung’s pace is less forgiving, and your control over the volume of your voice starts to waver as curls his fingers inside of you. the sensation of his ministrations, paired with the fear that any of his members could catch you in this position results in an odd buildup in your stomach. you’ve experienced earth shattering orgasms with your boyfriend before, but there is something different about the way this one is building up, and for a moment you’re terrified you’re about to piss all over his fingers and sheets. you remove one of your hands from it’s grip on his pillow and grab at jiung’s wrist instead in a panic, attempting to push him away and warn him but he doesn’t stop, in fact he only quickens his pace and scrunches his brows in concentration as you start to writhe and tremble. “ji wait! ah, fuck!” are the last words that leave your lips before you feel yourself gush all over his hand, and your eyes roll back as warm drops escape your womanhood.

your embarrassment of peeing yourself, despite how good it felt, snaps you out of the afterglow of your orgasm quicker than usual, and you’re about to apologize to the boy in front of you profusely but he cuts you off with “baby, you squirted”. when you look up at his face, he’s smiling so big, as if he’s a child that was just given a bucket of candy on halloween. “i uh, are you sure?” is the lame response that comes out of your mouth in a sigh, and you’re honestly relieved that you didn’t pee yourself and slightly less mortified at how quick you came because of your boyfriend’s pleased reaction. he just giggles in response and leans in to kiss you all over your face, his excitement is contagious, causing you to laugh along with him. “i didn’t even know i could do that..”

just when jiung is about to respond, loud knocking can be heard against his door. “you guys are so loud, can you please not fuck like rabbits when other people are here? some of us enjoy some peace and quiet”. you recognize the disgruntled voice as keeho’s, and although you’re a bit ashamed, your boyfriend just ignores the inquiry and kisses you again, fingers making their way back to your cunny as you sigh at the contact.

“keeho’s got some nerve if he thinks i’m gonna leave you alone tonight after you just squirted in front of me”

❤︎ intak

in true puppy nature, intak is obsessed with giving you backshots. doggystyle is his favorite position, he loves the way he gets full access to the sight of your bare back glistening with sweat as you praise how well he’s fucking you. tak is addicted to how your ass jiggles everytime your pelvis’ hit against each other, how he just has to peer downwards to see the ring of your frothy cum around his fat cock. yeah, intak loves giving you backshots, a fact so obvious that you’ve started to wear the skimpiest skirts around him, just to lure him into taking what you know he always wants.

tonight is no different. you’re sitting at your vanity, spritzing some of intak’s favorite scent of perfume onto your wrists and on the nape of your neck, adding minor touch ups to your full glam, and most importantly, sliding on the shortest skirt you’ve ever owned. the material clings onto the shape of your bum, and the length is so short that the bottom curve of your ass is on full display. you haven’t seen your boyfriend in days, and usually that just meant that you would have to do with your vibrator, but recently, the device just wasn’t enough, just didn’t hit the spot like your boyfriend did. to say you were sexually frustrated was an understatement. you needed to intak’s girth on your tongue, needed him to open you up and fuck you into next week. therefore, you’ve decided that tonight, you need to look as fuckable as possible. you’re determined to make intak’s jaw drop as soon as he lays his eyes on you, and once you’ve made sure you’re ready, you take one more good look at the mirror, then reach for your phone to check your text notifications. like clockwork, you receive a new message from intak as soon as you unlock your device.

takkie! <3: hi doll :) i’m here

takkie! <3: take ur time tho!

you heart his messages and giggle, thinking about how happy you are to see your boyfriend and spend time with him tonight. being away from him, even for a few days, is always such a bore. even if you plan on getting your insides rearranged in a few hours, just being within tak’s presence is enough to get you excited. as you make your way downstairs, you pull down your shirt just slightly, so your cleavage becomes visible. you slip on some wedges that match the color of your top and make your way towards intak’s bright red convertible, surprising him when you suddenly open the passenger door and plop yourself onto his leather seats. “hi baby! missed you so much!” is how you greet him, leaning in to give him a sloppy peck on the lips. you detach yourself from his face and smile innocently at him, observing the way he ogles your appearance and shamelessly stares at your breasts and legs. once he’s finally got a grip on himself, he smiles at you and tucks a stray piece of your hair behind your ear while responding with “missed you too doll, did you get all pretty jus’ for me?”

you did in fact get all pretty just for him, and you beam with victory as intak pushes your head down onto the surface of his back seats, his cock furiously pounding into you as he breathes heavy. “thought you could wear this shit and not get fucked? you’re so beautiful doll, you’re drivin’ me crazy. fuckkkkk”. tears are streaming down your cheeks, no doubt fucking up your mascara but you couldn’t care less as you internally laugh at the realization that your hunk of a boyfriend is just so easy to rile up, how you have such a big effect on him. he really is losing his mind, pathetically rutting into you like a dog as he leans forward to completely tower over your frame, hands groping your exposed tits as he tilts his head to lay kisses on your right ear. you’re chanting mantras of yes, yes, yes’ as intak plows into your heat, loving how dirty it all is, how everytime you get in the back of his car you’ll remember the feeling of your cum pooling onto his expensive seats. “gonna cum, fuck, where do you want it babe?” is the question that accompanies his sloppy thrusts, and you’re quick to beg for him to cum “inside! wanna feel it takkie”. your boyfriend quickly flips you over onto your back, and you’re about to ask what he’s doing until he enters you again, going at it impossibly faster until he feels the familiar shaking of your legs, the tightening of your cunt around him that signals that you’re close. he’s thrusting so viciously that you’re sure the car is rocking back and forth. intak’s sweat is starting to drip off onto you, and it only pushes you closer to that sweet edge. with a few more thrusts, you’re crying out and creaming around him, your juices squirting all over his seats as he pulls out to watch. you’re crying, feeling dazed and confused as to what just happened, embarrassment beginning to sink in and consume you until you look up to see intak’s face. his eyes are focused on your mess, cum weeping out of his tip as he whines louder than he ever has before. without skipping a beat, he’s pressing his cockhead against your clit, slapping it over and over in attempts to draw more juices out of you. he’s so focused, so consumed by lust that his pleas for you to “give me more. one more doll. need to see you squirt again, give it to me” come out hurried and mumbled. you’ve never seen your boyfriend quite this desperate, but it makes you hungrier for more.

long story short, you squirt over his leather seats again and he licks it all up, so your plan was in fact very successful!

❤︎ soul

you and shota have been at this for about a week. for context, it’s been precisely six days since you and your boyfriend lost your virginities to each other. six days ago you allowed soul to see you bare, touch and kiss you wherever he so pleased, and six days ago was the first instance where you realized why your classmates were always so crazy for sex.

so where, may you ask, has your recent deflowering led you to? well, back to your boyfriend’s bed, where your hands pull and tug at his long hair frantically as you search for a release. when you initially decided that you were ready to lose your virginity to soul, you didn’t really know what to expect other than pain. as it turns out, you and shota had such an incredible first time that you’ve spent the entire remainder of the week with your bodies never apart, every moment together being occupied with the two of you exploring each other with your fingers and tongues. it’s become concerning actually, how the loss of your virginity has only led you to become more curious. you want to know of each and every sound you can pull out of your lover, if he whines or groans, if he prefers to fuck into the warmth of your mouth or the plush of your thighs.

so like i said, you and shota have been at this for about a week. currently, he has you on your knees, letting you take the lead as he watches you suck and lick the tip of his heavy cock. you collect his precum into your mouth, smearing some excess onto your lips as you look up to lock eyes with him. sho is definitely pleased, enjoying the attention to his cock more than he’d ever admit out loud. he attempts to hide his groans by biting down on his bottom lip, but it’s no use when you start to bob your head up and down his length with no warning. his resolve is wavering, toes are curling, whines come out more freely as he never dares to break eye contact with you. you love the effect you have on your boyfriend, a fact that has only become evident to you this week during your self-proclaimed “sexcapade”. when shota is close, his length slightly twitches on your tongue and you take the reaction as a sign to release him with a pop!, much to his annoyance. “why’d you stop?” he frustratedly asks you, wincing as if he’s just been punched. “wanna try something…” is the only reply you give soul as the gears turn in your head, and suddenly your latching your hands onto the back of your boyfriend’s thighs and lightly pushing him onto the bed. he has a quizzical expression on his features, but he enjoys that you’re excited to try something new with him, this entire week proving to him that he’d do anything you asked him to, just to see you fall apart and sigh his name. you instruct your boyfriend to lay down flat against your bedsheets, and he follows suit right away, making your heart swoon before you resume your plan. shota opts to stay silent, trusting you with whatever you want to try, and he stays quiet when your putting one leg on either side of his head, dropping your pelvis onto his tongue as you face his cock, continuing to suck him off while he returns the favor to you. this position makes you feel so powerful, like you’re the only one who’s allowed to call the shots. your boyfriend doesn’t have any complaints either, just happy to have your cunt on his tongue and his cock on yours. the two of you work in, for the most part, silence, aside from the occasional groans and moans that slip past your lips when one of you adds additional pressure. every time your tongue presses against the slit of his cock, or your mouth sucks on his fat head, you make mental notes of all of the sounds of pleasure you can hear behind you. your thoughts begin to drift, thinking about how you can’t believe you led shota to doing something so nasty, something you would most likely see in a corny porno, but as he laps and slurps at your pussy lips, you decide you couldn’t care less. soul is very good at giving head, another epiphany you have had this week, which excites you a little too much. you’re pulled back into reality from your thoughts, however, when your boyfriend uses his teeth to slightly nip at your clit, putting enough pressure to make you squeal.

“sho! god keep doing that.. ‘s good, feels sooooo good!” is what breaks the silence in your bedroom, and soul is nothing if not a quick learner. he continues to flatten his tongue against the groove of your vaginal lips, top to bottom until he reaches your little bud, then biting at it to get another pleasured noise out of you. he goes a little overboard with the biting, but you only push against his mouth, so he figures it must feel good and continues to please you. you on the other hand, have completely abandoned shota’s cock, too preoccupied with noticing how different the coil in your pelvis feels, how much more intense it builds up until it finally snaps, and what follows is only describable as pure bliss. you’re loud, moans are wanton as you grind your hips onto shota’s tongue, riding out your high when you realize that you feel a lot wetter than you would with your typical orgasm. you finally lift your pussy off of shota’s face and the sudden change of position makes you aware of the cum splattered on the side of your cheek, signifying that your boyfriend got a little too excited by your climax. you pivot your body to face him, mostly to make sure you didn’t go too overboard, and are met with shota’s pretty face, glistening with a strange wetness that you soon realize is yours. you stare at your boyfriend as he begins to lick at his own mouth and chin, eyes darkening as he grabs and kisses you messily. you can taste your essence on your own tongue and whine at how desperate shota is being, how your explosive orgasm has begun to show you a side of soul you didn’t know existed. the rest of the night is spent with your boyfriend making you squirt over and over again hehe <3 he lives to make you feel good

❤︎ jongseob

“need to feel you, ah! in me seobie, please! wan’ your cock in me sooo bad, please put it in?”

the pathetic words that come out of your mouth before you can even think of stopping yourself have the biggest effect on the boy under you. you’re currently straddling your boyfriend, grinding your panty-clad cunt on the outline of his dick, staining seob’s sweatpants with a small patch of your wetness. you don’t know why you’re feeling especially needy today, but seeing your boyfriend after a hard, long week of class makes you crave to be filled up by him. jongseob looks up at you in astonishment, lips forming a cute little “o” as his hands are placed tightly on both sides of your waist. he take this time to admire how sexy you look like this, grinding on him in only a crop top and tiny pair of panties. he could definitely get used to the view, and has to bite back pathetic moans of his own from escaping his plush lips, wanting to fully focus on the sounds you make as you hump him like a bitch in heat. he’s about to tell you to slow down, that he’ll take care of you but he needs to stretch you out first, but you’re not patient enough to wait for him to answer your previous pleas. his eyes widen as he watches you huff and pause the roll of your hips, and seob nearly faints when you cross your arms to pull your skimpy top off of your body, or when you hook your fingers under his sweats, pulling them down just far enough to where you can grab at his now exposed dick. to this, he sits up onto his elbows, not wanting to jump into penetrating you without prepping you first.

“princess wait, are you sure? haven’t stretched you out yet, don’t wanna hurt you baby..” he sweetly informs you, making you pause for a minute to look into his eyes. you scan all over his face, how his blonde bangs are now damp with sweat and stuck to his forehead, the mole below his eye that you love so much, the heart eyes he’s shooting at you, and his pink lips struggling to hold in his heavy breaths. you grab his face with your hands and give him one long kiss on the lips before you pull back to reply, “wanna make it hurt seobie, wanna feel you all up in my guts, please, been thinkin’ about it all day!” and fuck, how is he supposed to tell his princess no when she’s asking for his cock so sweetly? your request is enough initiative for jongseob to flip you over with haste, towering over you as he pinches your panties to the side and slips in, not worried about discarding the rest of his clothes as he’s only concerned with pounding into your cunny until you’re completely filled up to the brim with his seed. his hands are everywhere, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear, caressing your pretty face, kneading at your tits, until he finally settles one hand on your waist, and the other around your throat. the slight weight and pressure of his hold makes your eyes roll back. “oh my- fuck, yes!! you’re so fucking big seobie!” is what urges your boyfriend to snap his hips even harder into you, his ego boosted by just how loud you are. you’re so responsive, he can feel your pussy tightening around him into a vice grip, as if you want to milk him for everything he has and more. your begs and whines only increase in volume when he dips a finger down to play with your clit, and after a few seconds you’re crashing, melting into him as he continues to fuck you through both of your orgasms. he’s peppering your face in kisses to bring you down from cloud nine, praising you for being so sexy, so good for him. you don’t even realize that this is the first time you’ve squirted in front of your boyfriend until he’s sinking down to level with your cunt, displaying a crazy look in his eyes before he dives in and starts to fuck his tongue into you with as much vigor as he fucked you with earlier. pulls away for a moment to take a good look at your face, and then opening his mouth to say,

“you’re so sexy baby, gonna make you squirt again. you wanted this, right? wanted it so bad and now you’re twitching like you can’t handle it. gon’ fuck you into next week baby, will you let me?”

a/n: i <3 needy piwon

taglist: @woozixo @hearts4chanhee @kyokopi @astro-doll-the-star @soobiary @kyaaramello @t3ssamoodboard @angelcbf @idontknow-1s-world @vivienne-sim @elissasimp @imjustayapper @ihatewreckingballmains @sosaverse @seobing @www90kitsch @khfviq @barbiekh86t @bbyjjunie @taeyangi @fullsunstrawberry @jihnyah @intheemptymirror @watamotee33 @dreamer1299 @jixnnsie @wonootnoot @yukx-x047 @cysier @fishsquishh

© kisseobie, please do not repost my writing!

❤︎

[mustangbby]

HIIII I JUST READ YOUR BOOTHILL IDEA ABOUT PREGNANCY AND I AM WELL FED 😭 i love how angsty it is. oh boy i'm sure struggles a lot during his s/o's pregnancy. like...it has lots of cry and self-conflict because he may thinking that he isn't helping his s/o. there gonna be small arguments and misunderstandings. it's hard for the both of them and the baby. 🥹

ohhhh yes. yup. decided to take a real angsty route with this one. I added some mentions of his actual backstory here, bc my og one was written before his backstory was released lols

Boothill definitely cries during your whole entire pregnancy. He also has a lot of bad thoughts about himself during it, too. 

At first, he tries to hide it, and either subtly cry, or just simply wait until you’re no longer in the room or the house. He doesn’t want you to know that he’s not happy because of the state he’s in. 

He used to be human, he used to be flesh, and most importantly, he once had a daughter of his own, and that's what crushes him the most. He fears so much that he’s almost going to replace her, even though he knows deep down in his heart that it most definitely wouldn’t be able to happen. 

He also feels so bad about not being able to do normal human things for your during your pregnancy :(((( he knows how much you want to be able to be soft and intimate, to take baths and be able to have a cozy massage and just a cozy person around in general, and he’s the exact opposite of that. He doesn’t even think he deserves the husband title anymore.

He literally once asked you why you’re still with him and not someone else. You explained that you loved him and you wanted to be with him, and even then he never really expressed the way he felt about himself to you but you could sort of see it in his eyes. He didn’t like the way he was and the fact that he can’t be what he refers to as a “proper dad” to his kid. 

He knows it’s hard on you, too, and he also knows that you’re catching onto his harsh thoughts, and you’re catching on fast. It caused an argument a few times, on how you’re hurt that he’s not expressing his emotions, he doesn’t want to, it turns into a “do you not trust me or something?” conflict on your end, and a “I just don’t know what to say without hurting you” conflict on his end. Misunderstanding that likely won’t just dissipate. 

There was one argument that you both had when you were nearing pretty close to your due date, and he decided he was going to walk out midway through and not come back for about a week. For some reason, he chose a petty route, leaving you anxious and super betrayed, considering he refused to answer his phone, too.

The argument was over something that seemed incredibly stupid, if you both must say so yourselves. He was, once again, insecure, and he wouldn’t tell you why. That was what bothered you- did he not trust you enough? Did he seriously not want to be a part of this baby's life? Why else would he just walk out?

To say it made you super anxious, scared, and lonely was an understatement. You were left with the thought that you’d have to give birth alone, and go back to your original game plan that you already mentally set up. You thought he genuinely left you.

That was, until he walked back into the house on a random afternoon that next week. He ran up to you and apologized, allowing you to cry it out in his steel arms. He felt so horrible, and he vowed to you to never, ever do that again.

He tries to start letting you in on his troubles from that point on, but there still seems to him like there's a barrier blocking his words from coming out. Sometimes, he just blames it on his synesthesia beacon, which seems to work for now. 

He also lets you see him cry more often, but that stops when you give birth. He doesn’t need you to be more overwhelmed than you already will end up being.

[princessbrunette]

reader upset bc things just aren’t going her way today, she woke up on the wrong side of the bed after not getting much sleep, and her hair didn’t turn out the way she wanted it too, she couldn’t find her favorite skirt and she broke her nail. rafe takes her with him to run errands and handle business, and she’s quiet and upset the whole time and she just needs her rafe but he’s so busy right now. eventually something small happens like she trips over her feet or spills something over herself and had a meltdown, bc we all get overstimulated and have meltdowns sometimes :/

i can’t explain to you how much i relate to this :(( have too many days like this one !!

you’d be quiet for the most part, more quiet than usual but rafe isnt gonna necessarily question it, just chalking it up to being in a bad mood. by the time you’ve made it to the car, everything’s overstimulating you. you don’t like the songs that keep coming on the aux, the car is rumbling too loud, rafes being quiet too so it’s just setting you on edge thinking somethings up, it’s just too much. but worst of all, you were hungry.

rafe had some errands to run, but he’d promised you fries, mentioned casually earlier which he’d probably forgotten about. you were holding onto that fact, knowing being fed would greatly cure a large part of your foul mood.

you’d passed the midway point, rafe completing another task on behalf of his father before you finally speak up— voice croaky from lack of sleep and lack of use. “can we get food now?”

he glances at you, reversing out of his spot, looking over his shoulder with his mouth parted in concentration. “huh? oh — uh, yeah, yeah soon. i left somethin’ in the boat so i gotta go pick it up.” he speaks casually.

for some reason, it’s your tipping point.

“no… you said we’d—” you’d go to argue, but suddenly burst into tears, crying into your hands. once you start, you quickly realise you can’t stop, the overstimulation and every issue you’d faced that day catching up with you. rafe frowns in confusion at you, eyes darting between the road and your hunched over form.

“hey, what are you — why are you crying?” he asks, and you can’t answer— far too upset. he sighs, thinking for a moment you’re being a tad dramatic, so used to being spoiled by him that you’re crying over something so minor. he doesn’t like seeing you so upset though, so he sighs and starts to turn his wheel, the car hitting a U-turn. “alright, hey, alright. i’ll get your damn fries. shit.”

it’s only when you don’t calm down he actually starts to get a little concerned. you cry the entire journey, not lifting your head from your hands— and all he can do is spare you worried glances before ordering your food. he parks in the lot, a wad of napkins from the food bag in his clutch and turns to you.

“look at me, kid. please?” he instructs, and you reluctantly do. blinking through gloopy mascara and sniffling your snotty nose shamefully. he dabs at your face, holding the napkin to your nose and quietly telling you to blow. he then sets it aside, and places the fries in your lap, running his hand over his chin and jaw thoughtfully for a moment.

“m’sorry.” you break the silence, staring down at your fries. he sighs, shaking his head.

“what happened, hm? was it me? did i fuck up?”

“no rafe, just got overwhelmed. im having a bad day.”

he stares at you for a moment, turning his body to face you more. “what do you… what do you want me to do?” he asks, his own finger gently prodding at his chest. he was trying to understand you, trying to be a good boyfriend. you think for a moment, glumly staring at your hands.

“i wanna go home and just be with you.” you sulk. he nods slowly, staring off out the window.

“y’know i got shit to do though, baby. can’t just… drop everything, you know? got people countin’ on me. m’handling shit today. ” he squints, hating that he has to be tough— but makes his voice gentle enough to soften the blow.

“i know.” it comes out as a broken whisper, and he can tell you didn’t like his answer. he stares at you, helpless, before speaking once more.

“eat your fries, and then you’re gonna go lay down in the back and have a nap, okay? think you need one. we’ll figure it out from there, a’ight?” he places a hand on your shoulder, tilting his head down and staring into your eyes, hoping what he’s saying is good enough. you think for a moment before nodding and he smiles, patting your cheek.

“alright, that’s my girl. proud of you, okay baby?”

[widowmaxff]

In overwhelmed, it mentions that Y/N used to be in a dark hole and how Wanda is afraid she’d go back to it. Can you write about it? Like what happened?

hope ur ok

pairings: mom!wanda × daughter!reader (platonic)

warnings: depressed reader, cryingg, bad thoughts, and sad sad things

a/n: okay how did you pay so much attention to what i wrote in overwhelmed bc i didnt even remember writing that 😭 BUT THANK YOU for the request i literally just ramble what was in my head but hope you like it love!

HOW YOU CAN HELP PALESTINE!

You don't know when it started, much less why it started. Maybe a few days ago, a month ago, maybe a year ago the signs that something was wrong started to appear. It was almost as if these feelings were always there, just hidden by a layer that was slowly removed and made everything more difficult. It seemed like there were days when you could easily deal with it, maybe ignoring it or just hiding it very well, you didn't know. But there were days that were more difficult. It was more difficult to get out of bed, your appetite was barely there, you didn't want to leave your room, just stay in darkness and total silence. Even though this silence made your head spin, it was better than anyone talking and making you even more depressed.

If someone asked the people closest to you if you were sensitive, you were sure that more than half of them would say no. They would talk about how you had a frozen heart, that you didn't cry when you watched a sad movie, that you didn't fall in love with the character when watching or reading a novel, that you didn't care when someone was fighting with you. But deep down, you knew it was a lie. You felt hard feelings most of the time, including when watching sad films. Maybe you just don't like showing the sadness and emptiness you feel. It makes you feel weak, worthless, and selfish, especially selfish. You shouldn't feel this way, not when you had the perfect life: a loving mother, food on the table, new clothes, and expensive sneakers. Then why?

You didn't really care that you felt depressed, you knew that eventually it would pass, just like every other time - even if that feeling came back some time later, even worse. It wasn't like anyone noticed and said anything to you, even though you were sure most of the adults around you blamed it on teenage hormones when they saw you sulking or just isolating yourself in your room all day. Maybe a few questions like 'are you okay?', even though they knew you would respond with something positive even if everything was falling apart. But there was always someone. Someone who knew that it wasn't just teenage hormones but something that was slowly consuming you. Wanda, your mother, was that someone, and she certainly didn't let those details slip.

The first time you actually showed that you were in a depressing state was on a random Thursday at six-thirty in the morning. Wanda didn't mind much in the first moments when you refused to get out of bed, it was normal for any teenager to not be able to stand school. But when you finally decided to show up for the morning in the Compound's kitchen, she was surprised. You had big black bags under your eyes that were tired and red, looking like you hadn't slept well that night and maybe you had been crying most of it. Wanda didn't take long to ask if something had happened and if you were okay, only receiving a murmur of something like ‘'m fine' before turning back to look at the emptiness of space. Tony who was nearby joked “Maybe the red eyes are because of something she used. Don't tell me you snuck out to a party, Mini Maximoff?”, you'd laugh on any other day, even replying something like 'Yes, I did some hard drugs at a party. How do you know?', but that wasn't the case. Stark laughed to himself after saying that sentence but soon the sound of his voice disappeared when he realized that you hadn't heard him and, apparently, nothing around you.

The second time was right after a mission Wanda had done. It was only three days away from you and everything seemed different when she came back. The first thing she noticed was that you didn't run into her arms when she stepped inside the Compound, much less respond to the messages she sent you a few hours earlier. Obviously like a worried mother she went after you, not taking long to find you in your room with all the lights off, two blankets around your body and how it looked like the things in your room had been in the same place since your mother left for the mission. She turned on the light in your room, hearing a soft growl leave your lips. You were awake and conscious, so it didn't make sense for you to want to be lying down and almost sinking into your mattress at four o'clock in the afternoon. She remembered when you were little and couldn't sleep if at least one light wasn't on, now it was ironic to think that you just lived in the darkness and emptiness of your room without fear that some monster would catch you, because no monster could hurt you like depression was.

Wanda couldn't count how many more episodes like those happened and lasted for several days. She was worried, very worried. She was afraid that you would end up doing something that would hurt you, end everything. It was obvious that your mother tried to ask you what was wrong, how she could help you, but you always said that you just woke up on the wrong foot that morning and that everything was fine. Of course, how were you going to tell her what was happening if you didn't even know. There was no reason for you to feel down like that and not even the absurd desire to just want to close your eyes and not open them again. And every day that passed, this dark hole you were in would get deeper and deeper. You knew you needed to ask for help before it was too late. 

It was no longer strange when once again that week you had no will to live. You look at the clock next to your bed and realize that your mother would be coming to your room to call you for another day in two minutes and a few seconds. Just the thought of 'one more day' made you want to throw up the food you didn't even eat the day before, as that empty feeling made your hunger go away. But as much as vomiting, you wanted to cry, cry until you couldn't take it anymore. And it was no surprise when the tears started to fall and you couldn't stop. Even though you are not a loud person, trying to keep yourself in your own bubble, the sobs wanted to get out of your throat anyway.

“Darling?” Wanda didn't mind knocking on your bedroom door in the morning, since you would be sleeping, well, not at that moment. When she heard the choking sounds you were making to keep from crying, she didn't take long to run towards your body on the bed and get under your covers, pressing you against her chest giving the perfect comfort to let you know that you weren't alone. “Oh, my love.” Wanda has seen you cry, many, many times, but it was so different to see you cry as if you were drowning in a sea and needed help from someone, anyone. “It's okay, Mama is here.” With each passing minute it seemed like the tears were getting even bigger than before, but you tried to focus on Wanda's heartbeat as you placed your hand on her chest, making you feel calmer despite all the panic. 

The lullaby that starts to leave her lips and go straight to your ear makes you start paying attention to the soft melody and not your terrible thoughts. The language Wanda sang in, Sokovian, was not understood by you, but you still remembered when she sang you to sleep on the days you had nightmares. It was as if Wanda was using her magic to calm you down, even though you knew she would never use her powers on you without your permission, but her voice was so sweet that it was more powerful than any of her red magic. Your breathing becomes soft and your movements slow, as if you were choosing the right words to get rid of that moment, but with your mother there it was almost impossible to lie.

“I wanna get help,” You murmur for just her to hear, despite there being no one else in the room with you two. “b-but I don’t even know why I’m like this.” Your crying had stopped, but you still choked to say a few words. Admitting those words out loud seemed like a challenge for you, and when you said them, a weight seemed to lift off your back despite not having yet deciphered all your feelings. And Wanda knew that. She knew how hard you were to avoid looking like a weak person even if you weren't, even if asking for help wasn't a sign of weakness but rather of improvement.

Your mother kisses your head, taking a few seconds before cupping your face and looking at it. “I'm so proud of you, my angel.” You didn't see pity or lies in the expression on her face. You didn't see disappointment and much less as if you were a problem for her. “I'm glad you want to ask for help, and I'm here for it, yeah?” You felt a little guilty when you saw a tear come out of your mother's eyes, but she was still smiling. The same smile you saw when you woke up, or when you told her some good news, or even when you told her a joke. Wanda never wanted you to feel anything negative about her. She never took out any frustration on you, never made you feel bad when you got a bad grade at school, or when you accidentally knocked a glass on the floor. “I will help you with whatever you need, my love. It will be slow, but I promise that the tightness in your chest will pass, okay?”

“I trust you.” She nods before pulling you into a hug that she knew you needed more than anything at that moment. The process would take a long time until you felt well again, you both knew that, but it was never too late. It's never too late to ask for help, because it's normal to need someone to pull you out of the dark hole sometimes, it's normal to not feel good all the time. Having feelings is normal, even if sometimes they are too deep, or too shallow. You just needed to realize that you were never alone, that people around care about you and will always want the best for you. 

“I love you so much. Always remember that.”

“I love you too, Mama.”

[call-me-strega]

How to Become a Step-Dad in 5 Easy Steps: ch.3/5 of p.2

First, prev, next, lore, ao3

OK SO- I’ve been working on this for months and I was actually supposed to have it done like a month ago but my parents took me on the last minute vacation to another country to visit family and I didn’t have access to my laptop most of the time. But it’s okay bc the timing worked out! I wrote most of this on my phone actually and I’m posting it from there too so I hope the formatting isn’t weird. Our flight back is tonight and we’re in a different time zone so I really hope this is going up at the correct time. Anyways I tried to make this chapter longer so I hope it’s worth it. Thanks for sticking around to read this and I’ll let you start now.

-Strega p.s Happy 4th of July!

~~~

Chapter description:

Danny and Jason comfort each other after a rough night, Jason teams up with Duke to stop a villain, and Jason spends the 4th of July with the Nightingales.

~~~

Everything was hot. Someone was laughing. Someone was crying. It's all too loud but he can't hear a thing. It was so hot. He could taste the bitterness in the air. His face ached. It's too much. All the textures overwhelm him but he can’t feel a thing. It was too hot. All he can see is rows of black upon gray, but he can't really see anything at all. He couldn’t- he couldn’t breathe. His forehead was wet and sticky. Why was it wet and sticky? Why was it so goddamn hot?!

With a desperate gasp for air, Jason launched up into a sitting position on his bed. He supported his body with one hand and the other pushing back his white, sweat-soaked fringes out of his eyes. He sat there for a few moments, just panting, trying to regain some semblance of control over his breathing. He felt a warm sweat drip down his face and back. It made his skin crawl.

He looked around his dark room and then down at his messy sheets for a moment, before pulling off the blanket and flinging himself off the bed. He couldn't stand the idea of staying there a minute longer. Not right now.

He stalked out of his bedroom and into his living area. He didn't want to stay inside. The thought of being in an enclosed space right now gave him the hives, no matter how spacious the apartment might be. Even if it's bigger than a coffin. Even if it's smaller than a warehouse. He can't see the sky. He's closed in.

Instead, he pushes open his window and pulls himself out onto the fire escape. It's not particularly open, facing into an alley, but it offers privacy and is heaps better than being inside. He slumps down against the brick wall of the building, feet planted and knees bent. He looks up and takes a breath trying to calm himself. Even with all the smog and Gotham's perpetual cloud cover, Jason is grateful to see the sky. He half-wished it was a clear night so he could see the stars. The other half didn't. It didn't think he could handle seeing the stars peeking out through the smog. It would look too much like a night sky tainted with smoke and bad memories.

His mouth felt dry as he clenched and stretched his hands. He almost wished for a cigarette or a joint, (no he didn't, he didn't want to see the smoke, to feel the heat of the slow burn) but the thought made his lungs constrict and he felt bile rise in his throat. Instead, he alternated between closing his eyes and taking several deep breaths, and gazing at the lights and laundry lines. Even in the sticky city heat of a Gotham summer Jason shuddered from the cool night air.

Suddenly, he heard metal creaking and his eyes snapped open. His head jerked to the side where the sound had come from. A few feet away, on the adjacent fire escape, stood a figure slumped over the rail. They must have also sensed his presence because they turned to meet Jason's gaze.

Before him stood a haggard Danny Nightingale with dark circles under his eyes and a head of bed hair. He wore an old worn-out shirt for a band called Dumpty Humpty, and a pair of basketball shorts that came down to his knees. Faintly, Jason could make out a faded scar on his calf. (Not that Jason had been staring at his legs or anything!) Jason soon became aware of Danny's own eyes assessing him as well. He felt his face heat up and was grateful that he slept in sweats and a white tank tonight.

And the two of them stayed there for a while, on their fire escapes. Two souls in the haunted hours before morning, looking worse for wear, just staring at each other as the world continued on around them.

Then, Danny weakly gave Jason a wry grin and in a rough voice he said,

" Hey, neighbor."

" Hey," Jason replied hoarsely, with a small grin forming on his face. "Funny running into you here, huh?"

There was a brief pause where the two continued to stare at each other, suppressing the quickly growing urge to laugh.

Danny broke first.

" Pffffffft, you dork!"

The two of them burst out laughing and the atmosphere grew lighter. The ever-present smog and darkness seemed to lift and the shadows haunting them seemed to fade.

Danny bubbled up with giggles that rang in Jason’s ear like a familiar song coming on on the radio. Jason looked at him softly in quiet wonderment. Well, I guess that’s where Ellie got her laugh from.

Jason heaved himself off the ground and walked over to the railing closest to Danny, who was just coming down from his high. He leaned over, one arm on the railing and the other coming up to support his jaw. He gave Danny a tired smile.

“Hey,” he said once more.

“Hey yourself,” came Danny’s soft reply.

Then the two, now standing closer, took a moment to examine each other once more. Danny took note of Jason’s sweat and unsteadiness. Jason could now see that Danny’s hands shook lightly and were covered in faded, barely-there scars. They met each other’s eyes and both just felt like the other understood.

Tonight hadn’t been a good night for either of them. But they didn’t need to talk about it right now. No, for now the two could just bask in each others presence The air filling with a certain solidarity and what felt like a near-tangible sense of mutual comfort.

Jason turned away first, observing the way light and shadow danced across alley walls and how the clothes on clotheslines fluttered in the night breeze. Danny followed his gaze in suit, trying to identify what Jason saw out in the city.

“ Ya know for being such a hell-hole Gotham really does have a subtle beauty to it.”

Jason turned to look a Danny with mock offense.

“Hey! Gotham may be a hell-hole but it’s our hell-hole! Just ask any true Gothamite, the city has a way sinking itself into ya.”

Danny looked almost amused by this statement, but nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, I think I kinda get it. It really sucked back home, but it was still home, ya know? And I agree, Gotham does have her ways of making you feel like she’s a part of you. We’ve only been here bout a month or so but I already feel like Ell and I are well on our way to become city slickers through and through.”

Jason chuckled, shaking his head and bringing his arm down to stand up straight. He decide to pursue the opening Danny had left.

“Speaking of Ell, she the reason your up so late?”

“Naw,” Danny’s smile grew a bit strained. “My little spitfire may have a lotta energy but the girl sleeps like the dead.” He grew a more subdued, looking down at his hands.

“Nah, this was something else.”

“Nightmare?” He probed gently.

Danny nodded.

Taking a breath, Jason said “Me too,” in a show of vulnerability that he found came surprisingly easy. Danny glanced at him sympathetically.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Kinda, but at the same time not really?”

Danny nodded as if he understood perfectly. Once more a comfortable silence overtook they began to shift closer. Even with the space between their fire escapes they felt impossibly close.

Danny interrupted the quiet with a light chuckle and Jason returned him a questioning glance. Danny shook his head,

“ Nothing I just think it’s kinda ironic we both came out to our fire escapes to escape our bad dreams.” He paused as his face clouded with confusion. “ Or at least I think it’s irony? Would you call it irony?”

“I think it might actually be symbolism but fuck if I know. I don’t have the mental capacity to figure which literary devices apply to our situation right now but remind me to come back to it later.”

Danny hummed in amusement before taking a deep breath.

“ I think I wanna talk about it.”

“Hmm?” Jason raised an eyebrow

“ I think I wanna talk about my dream.”

In a split second Jason makes a impulsive decision.

“Hold on,” he says, before climbing over the railing and extending his foot over to reach Danny’s fire escape.

“ What are you doing, ya maniac?!” Danny asked incredulously at Jason’s actions.

Jason stepped over onto the fire escape and shrugged as he walked over to Danny, “This felt like something I should be close for.”

The startled man seemed to loosen up and sunk to sit on the platform with his back to the railing. Jason joined him on the floor. They sat shoulder to shoulder, Danny staring at his trembling hand, and Jason, staring at him. Jason hand crept towards Danny’s, gentle taking it and interlacing the fingers.

Danny’s head swiveled to look at him and Jason returned him a gentle look and a squeezed his hand reassuringly. Faintly, the young man smiled and squeezed back. He took a deep breath and began.

" So you remember how you found my groceries in an alley the other day?”

Jason nodded.

“ Yeah well, the reason I left them there was because some mugger tried to kidnap Ellie. I ditched the groceries to grab her and get home.”

“ You did a smart thing,” Jason continued to nod as if he didn’t already know exactly what happened that day.

“ Mm I don’t doubt that, Ellie’s safety will always be my first priority. But the whole thing kinda brought up old fear. Some old … memories.”

A distant look grew on his face and Jason’s heart burned with sadness and anger for his friend.

“ The dream started out back in that alley. I had just pulled Ellie back into my arms but when I turned around it wasn’t the mugger standing there. It was Vlad.” Danny’s breath staggered before he continued.

“He started saying stuff about taking Ellie back since he’s the one who made her. The one who had wanted her originally, never mind that he’d lost interest after realizing she was a girl and not his perfect son. But he kept saying things about how he had more life experience and was better equipped to raise her. How he’d be able to do better than me and provide more for her. And for me, if I let him. I hated it. I hated him for leveraging his age and wealth to try to get into our lives again. I didn’t have many reservations about punching him in the face about it either.”

Danny tightened his grip around Jason’s hand. He squeezed back in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.

“I turned to leave but at the mouth the alley was a van. And not one of those stereotypical white vans they warn you kidnappers use. No. No, it was my parents’ van. They slid open the door and and I felt like I couldn’t move. I looked down and Ellie was gone. They-” the words started getting choked up in his throat. His eyes becoming glassy as he fought with his next words.

“ They wanted to take her too. They said they still loved me even though I was different and that they could fix me.” His voice grew frantic and shaky. “They thought they could ‘fix me’ but that Ellie’s existence was unnatural. That it’d be better if they took her and tried to raise in a ‘normal’ environment, especially if she showed signs of being unnatural too!”

Danny turned his face into Jason’s shoulder, trying to fight back tears.

“ And I know they don’t actually think like that- that I need to be fixed, at least not anymore. But, the idea that they’d try to take her from me? Raise her better than I could? It tore me up inside. How could they want to raise her when the barely raised me and my sister? When my sister raised me more than they did? How could I trust them not to get her involved in experiments when they still store chemical samples the same fridge as our food? How could I trust them when I told them I didn’t want to be around Vlad and they still let him into our house? Because ‘We’ve know good ol’ Vladdie since college! Nothing to worry about with him!’ even though I told them I-!”

He paused trying to catch his breath. Jason lifted his other arm to wrap around the crying young man, tucking him under his chin. Danny shifted, now shuddering into his chest. Jason could feel the Pits ignite a fire in soul. His blood boiled and a voice cried out for blood in recompense for his friend’s pain.

‘What type of shitty parents-! No. Later’ he tried to reign in the voice. ‘Being here for him now is more important.’ He held the other even closer.

Finally, Danny calmed himself enough to continue, “ I know they don’t think that now. I know that they love me and, and Ellie too- and I still love them too and I know that they want to be better. But they just don’t get it. That there’s a lot of reasons I don’t want to be around them anymore. Reasons I don’t bring Ellie around if I can help it. Even though it was just a dream I couldn’t handle the idea that they- that anyone might try to take Ellie from me.”

Jason tilted his head slightly to press a soft, comforting, kiss on the top of Danny’s head. He rubbed small circles on his back and murmured gently in his ear,

“It’s okay Danny. It’s okay to be mad and upset and scared. From the sounds of it you have ever right to be. It’s okay for you to worry. I have a friend ya know. He’s a recovered addict, started getting extra serious about staying sober when his ex dropped a daughter off on his doorstep because he was worried at every turn that if he slipped up or relapsed someone would take her away. I know that it’s not the same but I think every parent is entitled to worrying over losing their kid. And it sounds like your own parents haven’t done you too many favors in minimizing the worry. But you don’t have to hold yourself back from being afraid. You’re allowed to be afraid, or upset or whatever else you might be feeling.”

He finally let go of Danny’s hand in order to hold him properly, once again shifting their positions. Now, they sat perpendicularly, with Danny partway into his lap, pressed against his chest. After a while Danny wiped his tears, whispering out a thanks to Jason and allowed himself to be comforted.

They sat in delicate silence until Jason finally worked up the nerve to speak.

“So you probably know who I am right?”

Danny lifted his head from Jason’s chest to give him a confused eyebrow raise. “Yeah I think I’d know whose lap I’m on right now?”

“Not like that,” Jason blushed. “ I mean since you asked about volunteering you must know who I am in a larger context right?”

“ You mean do I know you’re beloved Gotham celebrity and non-profit worker: Jason Todd-Wayne? Because I do. I did research this city before moving here, believe it or not. Actually I remember seeing a bunch of articles about how one of Gotham’s beloved sons had returned home with your picture around that time?”

Jason touched the back of his neck, glancing away in embarrassment.

“Uh yeah that, so you’ve probably hear about my- uuh, ‘resurrection’, huh?”

Danny’s expression sobered up. His eyes darkened and his voice got all quiet, likely due to the serious nature of the discussion.

“Yeah, I did. The media claimed you had been in a kidnapping turned terrorist attack slash hostage situation? And that you had managed to survive and were taken in by family who help you recover and reconnect with your dad once you were ready?” Danny recounted the cover story they’d given to the public. There was something in his tone that made Jason think there was more he wasn’t mentioning but it was likely all speculation or more sensitive details.

“Was-… was that what your dream was about?”

Jason bowed his head into Danny’s shoulder, not having it in him to say it to his face.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “It was.”

“Oh.”

Now it was Danny’s turn to hold Jason tight, one arm one his back and the other coming up to pet his hair, gently pressing the larger man further into his shoulder. It felt like something cracked open inside him. Suddenly, words came tumbling out before he could even think about them.

“ I was back in that warehouse. Laying on the ground, injured. I could hear someone crying. And- *gulp* -and his laughter before the explosion. It was … so hot. And when I woke up I couldn’t stand the thought of being trapped inside. The same way I was trapped … during some of the worst moments of my life. And I know I’m not there anymore but I’m still terrified by the memory! Sometimes I still get scared the man who took me the first time will find me again and I just-!”

He choked on a sob as Danny held him even tighter, as if trying to melt him into his skin.

“I just hated feeling that way so much!” He whimpered.

“It’s okay Jay, I’m here big guy. You can let it out.”

And for the first time in a long while Jason allowed himself to cry freely, sobbing into his neighbor’s shoulder. Danny continued to stroke his hair, rocking gentle as one would when comforting a child. But maybe that sort of gentleness was what Jason needed.

Once he heard Jason’s sobs subside Danny took a deep breath and spoke.

“You know what?”

“What?” Jason asked lifting his head to gaze into Danny’s icy blue eyes.

“I’m kinda glad I ended up out here tonight. I mean the nightmare sucked but at least I got to be here for you.” He smiled softly, “I’m in your corner if you ever need me.”

Jason couldn’t help the soft smile that worked it’s way onto his face.

“Yeah, me too. I’ll be there if you ever need help, with anything: Ellie, Vlad, your parents, your groceries.”

Danny giggled at that last part, knowing Jason was sincere. With a sigh he rested his cheek on Jason’s chest. Jason reach down to hold his hand again and the two enjoyed the feeling of holding someone who held them back.

With a sigh, Danny lifted his gaze from their hands to Jason’s face. Jason gave him a closed-mouth smile, his eyes asking if something was wrong.

“It’s the 4th of July in a few days.” He stated.

“Yes, it is.” Jason said back.

“If it’s not too short notice, Ellie and I would love to have you over again. We were gonna have barbecue and ice cream and then come out here and see if we could catch the fireworks. She’d love it if you could join us, and … and, well I would too.”

Jason swore Danny was looking at him with the biggest, roundest, most earnest eyes he’d ever seen, save for his daughter’s.

“ I’ll be there.”

Danny flushed at his quick response.

“Don’t wanna check your schedule first?”

“Doesn’t matter. I didn’t have anything else planned so I’ll do my best to be there.” He made sure the shorter man’s eyes met his as he said his next words. “Besides, I like spending time with the two of you too.”

‘His ears are pink, he’s just adorable.’ He thought to himself as Danny seemed brighten in a shy glow. He shifted in Jason’s lap, probably getting ready to get up when he did something that cause Jason to blue screen.

Danny tilted his head up planting a quick peck on his cheek before squeaking out a “see you then” and fleeing back into his apartment, leaving a wide-eyed Jason on the floor of his fire escape.

Jason sat there stunned, before a furious blush over took his face and decided to hurry back into his own apartment. The voice in his head came back to give its routine comments: ‘His lips are so soft, the stuff of dreams’

He somehow managed to blush even more violently. ‘Damn it’ he thought, shoving his head under his pillow, unable to tell whether he actually wanted to dream about Danny’s lips or not. ‘It’s actually embarrassing how worked I’m getting over a fleeting kiss on the cheek from a friend.’

~

~Bzzt~ “Calling for back up! Firefly decided to start his annual firework show early this year!” ~Bzzt~ Signal called through the emergency comms.

Jason cursed his luck, of course Firefly would attack just as he got off work! Now he might be late to dinner! He sighed and tried to look on the bright-side: If they dealt with this now that meant it was less likely for any of the other rouges to try anything later. Then, the comm crackled back to life.

~Bzzt~ “I could have got him by now but he keeps lightin’ more shit on fire! By the time I get the first fires under control and punch him in the face, he’s started 20 more! Normally I’d be able to handle it, but there’s a lot of civilians around right now and fires take priority. I just need someone to help me keep the guy down long enough to make the arrest.” ~Bzzt~

Jason started ducking through alleys trying to get to his near safe house in order to grab his gear. Hey called back to Duke over the comms.

“Signal, heard! I just got off work. See if you can herd him towards the Alley. It’ll give the Red Hood an excuse to show up and beat the shit outa him while you make sure nothing actually gets damaged. I’m heading to the safe house near the Catherine Johnson Rec Center. Try to get him at least two blocks away!”

~Bzzt~ “Heard!” ~Bzzt~

Jason tossed the comm to the side and started strapping into his body armor. He started fastening his helmet when felt something in the air change. Then the comms buzzed to life once more.

~Bzzt~ “Hood, I’ve got Firefly coming your way! He’s heading up Delancy Ave.!” ~Bzzt~

Hood readied his grapple on shot.

“Good, keep him there! I’ll see you in 5, Narrows!”

~Bzzt~ “On it! I’ll be waiting Alley!” ~Bzzt~

Jason swung through the rooftops, heading in the direction of the fires that kept spontaneously appearing and subsequently being extinguished.

When he arrived Hood found Signal split between stopping fires and engaging Firefly in combat. The madman was so absorbed in antagonizing Signal that he hadn’t noticed Hood’s approach. Signal was handling him pretty well but being unable to focus solely on the villain lowered his efficiency. Jason’s mind wandered back to his friend, who had wanted to see him tonight, and decided he’d end this quickly.

You see for all his bulk and bullheadedness Jason was still a highly trained and intelligent individual. Maintaining the element of surprise he approached in the shadows silently looking down from his perch on an adjacent building. He made subtle gestures for Signal to move the guy into place, which he returned with the slightest of nods. Signal moved Firefly over to the side of the building closest to Jason’s position. Jason got ready took make use of his high ground, tapping into what he learned from Dick.

With a deep breath Jason runs up and launches himself into a triple forward somersault, building up power and momentum. In midair he took account of his bearings, aiming his feet at Firefly’s back.

Firefly goes down like he’s been hit by a semi.

“AND THATS WHY YOU STAY OUTA THE ALLEY FUCKER!” Jason shouts, crouching over the rouge who was quickly losing consciousness. Even though it’d been his plan to lure him here Jason was still protective of what was his. And Crime Alley? Crime Alley was his territory.

He stands up and gives Signal a celebratory high five.

“Nice going, ya tank! I thought he’d never go down!”

“No problem, Dayshift! Nice work handling him, you’d have gotten him eventually. I just sped up the process.”

“Thanks Hood, I ‘preciate it.”

“Soooo, you good here oorrr…?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it. Get outa here before the cops show up and arrest you,” Signal dismissed him.

Jason gave him a quick, two-finger salute before running off to change before he was late to dinner.

~

Jason arrives at the Nightingales’ red faced and out of breath. His hair is a windswept mess and his clothes slightly messy from his quick change. He knocks on the door desperately trying to tame his hair and adjust his t-shirt and jeans.

Jason feels a burst of cool air as the door opens and he’s greeted by a smiling Danny and a surprised Ellie. He smiles at the two but Danny speaks before he’s got the chance.

“ Surprise! It’s Jason!” He says with some mild jazz hands.

To which seem to Ellie explode in glee. Jason swears she’s vibrating with how fast she’s bouncing.

“The secret surprise guest was Mr. Jason! Awesome!”

And just like that there is small child attached to his leg. He looks down at her, then up at Danny, who’s holding in laughter, then back at Ellie. Then he bursts out laughing. He bends down down to scoop the young girl up into his arms and she lets out a small “whoa!” Jason follows Danny into the apartment, Ellie resting on his hip.

“It’s nice to see you to princess!”

“Mr. Jason! You’re not wearing any red!”

“Huh?”

He looks down to see the young girl scrutinizing his plain white shirt and blue jeans and looks questioningly at Danny. The young man takes pity on him and explains.

“Ellie really wanted to wear red, white and blue for the 4th of July,” gesturing to his own outfit: a pair of blue jeans, a white shirt with a logo for a band called Fifth World Raga, and a lightweight red flannel wit the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“That’s right! I have a white skirt and socks, and a blue top and tiara, and my cardigan, my sneakers and beanie are all red!” She showed off. Then she pointed at Jason.

“You’ve gotta white shirt and blue jeans but no red!” Then she gasped, “Oooooh! I have an idea! Wait here!” She said, scrambling off to her room.

Jason looked at Danny who smiled and shrugged helplessly in a “eh, whadda ya gonna do” sort a fashion. To which Jason just huffed in amusement.

That’s when Ellie rushed back in, holding something behind her back. She patted Jason’s thigh indicating for him to bend down, to which he obliged by crouching down to her level.

“Close your eyes!”

Jason shut his eyes. He felt something being placed around his neck and on his head.

“Open them!”

Jason found himself looking into a small purple hand held mirror. Ellie had placed a cheap red-beaded party necklace around his neck and a silver tiara with red gems on his head, one to match her own silver and blue one.

“I have lotsa tiaras so you can borrow this one so that you can have red! And you can even keep the necklace!”

Jason’s internal monologue nearly burst into tears. ‘She’s an angel! She’s bestowed such a wonderful gift Must. Protect. At All Costs!’

He heard Danny burst into laughter but focused his attention on the grinning girl in front of him.

“Thank you so much Princess! I love it! Just what I needed! I’m honored to receive such a thoughtful gift!

“Yeah Ellie, it looks great on him!” Danny chimed in between chuckles.

“That’s great daddy b’cause I found a white one for you! Now we can all match!”

Danny stopped laughing and Jason returned him a wicked grin.

“Yeah, your highness! We can all match! Besides, what’s a king without his crown!”

Danny sighed, placing the tiara on his head.

“Thanks Ell, I love it.”

“Your welcome daddy!”

“Alright, now go wash your hands for dinner!”

“Okay!”

And the girl scurried off to wash her hands. Jason grinned at the interaction. He waited till the girl was gone before turning to Danny.

“Looking good your highness,” he teased.

“Oh, hush you!” Danny flushed. “Come help me set the table. It’s not a traditional barbecue but I made some chili, hotdogs, veggie skewers, and some coleslaw. We’ve also got fruit salad and some soda pop in the fridge. Ellie wanted to do a homemade version of chili dogs and I had to insist on some fruits and veggies in there. Ancients knows she needs her nutrients! If you could be a dear and grab some plates off the drying rack that’d be great!”

“Of course, your highness! You had me at chili,” Jason said following Danny into the kitchen.

~

Later that evening after finishing up with dinner. Danny herded them all onto the fire escape with some frozen treats. Ellie had drumstick ice cream cone, Jason an ice cream bar, and Danny an orange popsicle.

“I don’t know if we’ll be able to see the fireworks from here but fingers crossed we do. Just don’t be too disappointed if you can’t see them alright Ell?” Danny told his daughter.

“It’s okay daddy! Even if I don’t see the fireworks I still have you and Mr. Jason and my ice cream!”

Jason and Danny looked at each other sharing the same thoughts: ‘She’s so precious!!!!’

Then the tell tale boom of fireworks started and the trio turned their attention to the sky. A streak of red danced across the sky before it burst into a shower of ruby colored sparks. Then came gold, and green and blue and white. One after another in a barrage of sound and color. And they were just able to see it above the end of the alley.

Ellie let out an awed “Whooooaaaa” as she watched the colors dance across the sky. She turned back to her dad tugging on his sleeve and point up at the sky. He chuckled, picking her up to give her a better view pointing at the sky with her saying, “Look at that one!”

It was near enough to make Jason’s own heart burst.

“Beautiful.”

“I know right!” Danny said, glancing back at him, talking about the fireworks. Silently, Jason thought about the way both of the Nightingales’ glossy black hair reflected the fireworks colors in their sheen.

Then Danny turned to hand his phone to Jason.

“Would you mind taking a picture of us?” He asked. “I never had many growing up and I want this to be something she’ll remember.” Looking back down at the child on his hip.

“Of course I can,” he said, taking the phone in his hand. “Smile!”

Jason looked down at the photo he snapped when he saw something that made his heart stall. It was a good photo, both Danny and Ellie smiling at the camera while the remains of a fireworks fell behind them in a shower of fading light. What stopped him in his tracks was the soft look on his own reflection in the window of the apartment staring at Danny and Ellie.

And he realized, ‘Oh. I like Danny’

And he doesn’t know when he zoned out and missed Danny taking his phone back, but he zones right back in when two arms are thrown over his shoulders and suddenly he’s in a selfie sandwich. Both Nightingales press close, Ellie throwing up a peace sign while Danny snaps the photo.

The two laugh at his startled face and he can’t help the laugh that bursts out of him.

“Hey! I wanna redo!”

~

That night Jason tosses and turns in bed while his brain replays images of Danny: his smile, his lips, his laugh, the way he licks an ice pop. If he hadn’t realized earlier then he definitely knows now.

Jason Todd has an undeniable, unequivocal crush on Daniel Nightingale.

~~~ I tried with that fight scene but I don’t have a lotta experience there. I know this is a fluff fic so sorry to angst you but it’s necessary for hurt/comfort. Have some “Jason accepts his feelings” to make up for it. Sorry if it’s too clunky or dialogue heavy. I’m open to constructive criticism so let me know what you think.

Fifth World Raga is a real band in the DCU their a rock band and their music is described as quote “spiritual in nature” so I feel like it fit Danny’s vibe.

[itsrlymine]

I am eternally grateful for coming across your blog. Like it has helped me so much with my mindset and it actually made things click for me so thank you for that.

I also really like how you give examples of how you would think of it and approach things because I would struggle with it but now every time I see a post that says u need to affirm or do this and that to get your manifestations in the 3D I’m like nuh uh manifesting is so lazy coded it’s not even funny I don’t have to think of it as a 9-5 job, I simply think of what I want and then I have it simple as that🤷‍♀️

Babe.. Eternally grateful??? You really want me to start crying omg. I knew I would be a little helpful to people but the support and kind words has been overwhelming omgggg. I am so happy to have been able to help in the shifting of your mindset but i'm even more happy that all it took was you trusting yourself!!

Exactly! Manifesting is theee easiest thing anyone can do bc we can't escape it. That's the best part! Literally no work to be done bc huh?? Work????? Not over here. Not for us! I'm so grateful for this sweet message like I can't. You are always gonna get want you want tffff!

[lains-reality]

hello! i rlly love your blog and the way you explain things

how do i just apply? whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info and things i have to make sure i’m doing right then i spiral and over consume again. i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore.

what’s the simplest way to apply all of this and just “manifest” (i don’t rlly like this word bc it implies there’s a process or that i’m trying to get) my dream life? thank you

hi! ty!

it takes some courage! i also read a lot as a way to feel secure, but eventually i just got tired and just decided 'i have no more fears from this day on! done with this!' and i made it a practise to stop avoiding myself whenever something comes up

its all very natural, i can't say how you'll just finally decide that your over this lol

"whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info"

well, learn how to stop yourself in the moment. you're putting too much pressure on your character! it only know what it knows now, it will not accept anything outside of what it already knows! thats why you leave it alone. read all you want to read, but stop when you feel like you have to. like you must. let yourself relax.

"i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore."

good! keep going!

"what’s the simplest way to apply all of this"

just do it. try it and see. something that is a recurent theme in all the posts and book i read, is to try it. experiment. just for this one moment, let all the worries go. promise to never make problems for yourself again. you've given up troubles now, no more. just test it and see. surrender. let the mind cry and scream, for this moment, you won't allow it to deter you from freedom.

i'll give a list of stuff that helped me

theres only now -> stop bringing the past to now, learn to sit in the present moment

stop avoiding emotions, sit with the fear, discomfort etc

you already are Self! nothing can undo that!

be patient

non attachment (or detachment)

experiment - take something you already know and test it

question everything

find out what are the stories you want, what the desire will supposedly give you

it is not necessary to get rid of thoughts or images just stop deriving identity from them

"am i arguing for my limitations?"

soon more lovely thoughts and images will appear in your awareness and you can choose what you want

can you outgrow it? not you. observe it? not you. in the absense of it, you don't dissapear? not you.

be okay with not having it. get to a place where no one and no thing can disturb you (and your happiness and peace)

just see how absurd all this shit is. like i was born? what was it like before i was born? why is it normal to hear your voice in your head? no one knows what tomorrow is but we all worry abt it, where tf does the voice in your head come from? how can we actually identify feelings, what if the feeling pride isn't actually pride and you've been lied to? do you know how crazy this is for an infant?! we say we are an [x] person and that changes and so we say we are an [y] person, so who are we?? if we can change like that? being a human is confusing, seek the truth out and question all

just start to disidentify as the body-mind. when you disidentify as the body-mind you'll start to feel better as all the pressure you put on your character falls away. this will intice you to keep going as you feel freer!

have fun!! go and live life!! appriciate what you have now - this is all expressing the character, omnipr3sence, perfectly! you'll start to see "i barely thought abt x 2 days ago and now i see it here lol" "i was worrying about y and now i see it here too" "oh so this comes along with being the character too, maybe i should change that story"

you're in your own dream, see it as your dream and you'll start seeing the connections.

no need to convince the character, just move on. let yourself doubt this 'reality'

disclaimer: i'm still learning too! so please keep practising and have your own epiphanies!

reading

habit

no need to convince

behaviour

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Look….more mommy hwa and more answered asks about Christopher being possessive and freaky…

I needed this thank you 🥹

Today is very very hard and I’m feeling a lot of hard feelings and life rn so overwhelming and confusing. I’m the type of person who’s got a hard shell but it’s made of like bulletproof armor on the outside but I’m v gooey and sensitive inside. I didn’t realize I needed some good brainrot inducing delulu soup to distract me so 🤌🏻 thank you

CW: WHORNY AF HARD THOTS AND DELULU SOUP

So Christopher *sigh* idk what I want to ask just my aqua sun6h/Scorpio moon3h/Leo rising/aqua Mercury 7h/sag Venus5h/Leo mars1h ass is like…………

Imagine him like soft dom but so so so into like corruption but not necessarily always meaning inexperienced partner, but maybe inexperienced in all the kinks and little taboos. I read him as wanting to break someone who’s normally very strong minded and kept together and so like very much Brat Tamer I guess. Like after he makes you cum on his mouth and then on his fingers, he wants to degrade you in the gentlest way and praise you, his voice saccharine, while he manhandles you and fucks you hard. You’re cock drunk and starting to cry a little from how good it feels and from the overstimulation. The type to make you tell him out loud what you want and where you want him and that you don’t want him to stop and make you beg him to cum and tell him how good he feels and that only he does that to you bc he’s possessive and he’s got an ego and needs you to need him in every way possible.

something about him and his Gemini rising tells me he might be good with his hands ~that might be my hand kink tho clouding my judgement(Gemini Lilith 😅) ~ *cough*cough*

ANYWAYS

He wants to break you open and make sure you can be that vulnerable and submissive to him and him only, also to know you at a very deep level. Whether you get to know him at that deep of a level is another story and depends on how deep he is in his fuckboy ways. He wants you a lady in the streets and HIS freak in the sheets. But he totally wants to corrupt you and his sag mars: he wants to try new shit with you and be adventurous and explore new kinks etc etc.

Every break down of this man’s chart has me like “oh yes pls, 😊. yes ma’am I’ll take one, where do I purchase this?”

And everyone’s like he’s this and that and potentially toxic in these ways and idk if I’m enamored by his Libra charm or what but I’m like “I can handle him, the question is actually ‘Can he handle me?’” and it’s very delulu but also I think that thought is kinda true. (hypothetically and astrologically speaking) In my little brainrot soup for the night 🥰

I can’t even begin on mommy Hwa and the gooey lovey mess he turns my brain into. Something about him is so tender but also like so so so so so freaky but like gentle but so fucking kinky? Idk that man + mommy kink + body worship + needy/clingy doms is so so so good. You’re one of my fav fic writers, and my fav mommy hwa enthusiast. Thank you for serving and thank you for your brain and thank you for the distraction on a hard day like today 🖤

Much appreciate, have a lovely rest of your week, and as always cool pillow on both sides for you!

I CANT PUT PICS IN ANONYMOUS ASKS WTF…. Fuck it I’ll go off anon for this

This is 🖤Anon on my side blog/lurk account 😅

I am ending tonight's 2 hour post of going through my asks with this absolute banger of an ask from @youre-alittle-taste-of-hell and also hi Izzy!

I'm Ruby! It's nice meeting you *hugs*

I understand how life can feeling overwhelming and frustrating when things don't go you way. I am also a golden retriever disguised as a black cat and us fire placements want love and care too.

I hope things get better for you <3

Imagine him like soft dom but so so so into like corruption but not necessarily always meaning inexperienced partner, but maybe inexperienced in all the kinks and little taboos.

This section has me feeling shit at 10:33 pm on a Tuesday afternoon while watching Chris D'Elia 'Man On Fire' on Netflix.

I just love how Bang Chan stans have silently agreed that Chan's corruption kink is fucking massive and do we have any physical evidence?

No-

But with his massive caregiver complex and Daddy kink, it kinda goes hand in hand.

I can just imagine that paragraph so vividly just him covered in sweat, his black hair sticking to the sides of his face and his mouth all shiny with spit and your cum just smirking at how fucked out you are, your eyes are beginning to cross and there's drool against the pillow.

'Don't black out on me yet baby girl, mmmh? Daddy still needs to cum'

OR...OR!!!

You're crying and sobbing against the pillow because he's edged you within an inch of your breath and the pressure is so tight it HURTS and your legs are spasming and face contorted with need as you just beg your pretty heart out.

'Please, I can't take it anymore, please make me cum, I'll do anything, please Daddy i just need it'

And then he would hover over you, wipe the drool from your mouth and press gentle kisses across your face as he pushes himself into you.

'See, that wasn't so hard wasn't it? Daddy will always reward my baby girl when she asks for something yeah?'

I also don't know how ppl enjoy being edged so severely man, I would tap out after 20 mins.

Overstimulation all the way for me.

Yeah, his Gemini Rising means he would be an exceptional kisser and great with his fingers.

His Libra stellium also means he has amazing stroke game but moving back to the kissing.

I feel like he would be a messy kisser (in a good way) like the loud smacking noises, drool and spit, definitely makes little sighs and noises of satisfaction in between kisses.

When Chan leaves his fuckboi era, sex would be incredibly emotionally intimate because he loves and adores how he sees you in a way no one does.

I have this thought that sex with Bang Chan could be so intimate, you would both end up crying and not in a dacryphilia way but in a 'i fucking love you so much and it's so emotional' way.

As much as Bang Chan likes fucking, he enjoys making love more.

And here's the thing right, Bang Chan's frontal lobe has developed so he doesn't even has the neurological excuse of 'well his brain is not fully developed yet' because NOW IT IS.

Also, your placements are low-key intimidating because wow, they are powerful.

I think Bang Chan would like the challenge of being able to handle you.

Seonghwa is definitely freaky and kinky and is very hardcore, he likes it hard, he likes it rough, he prefers a jackhammering pace (which is a bit of an ick of me because that doesn't sound enjoyable but okay).

I think the reason why jackhammering gives me an ick is because rough and fast doesn't always mean good okay?

I think a slow but deep and firm pace is better because you can get a better angle and hit the right spot every time.

But I also understand that some ppl like being treated like a battering ram during sex and that is also okay.

He would give you brilliant aftercare and reassurance though and that's what matters.

Thank you for the thirst my sweet, I will gobble this up and use this as my fantasy thoughts for sleep tonight.

Yum yum.

[humanfleshbutcher]

HELLO!!

I love that ppl are writing for puss and boots now since the new movie came out bc I've always been starved from the 0 fanfic. He's just so perfect to me and I need the fanfic of him!!

So I'm here to request a romantic puss fanfic. Maybe hurt/comfort? It's raining right now so I feel like rain is needed in the fanfic. Maybe reader feels like a burden or smth and just walks in the rain and eventually puss finds them and just comforts them.

Take your time- I've had patience for 2 years so I can wait a little longer! Can't wait to see the results<3

AAAAA I love this request 😭🤚❤️❤️❤️

Puss in boots x reader 'Comfort'

TW: Mentions of self-degrading

Can be taken platonically and/or romantically

Hurt/comfort

Gn!Reader and cat reader

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rain poured down from the dark and cloudy sky, it hitting the leafs of plants and the grassy ground being the only sounds that filled the airy atmosphere.

Actually, there was one more sound, the sound of footsteps. Your footsteps. You were upset. Very upset.

Why, you may ask?

Well, out of nowhere you started overthinking. Were you really good for team 'friendship'? I mean, they're nice and all, but are you good enough?

You tried to brush it off, you should really stop thinking that... But it wouldn't go away and you just needed a break. Plus, you liked the rain. It was weirdly calming, even if being wet wasn't a cats favorite thing.

Your head hung low, you didn't want to start crying. Not now. you couldn't stay out here for too long, getting a cold wasn't exactly on your schedule.

You sighed, finally stoping and just stood there. There wasn't much to do, not much to calm you down from your tears. Why couldn't the bad thoughts just go away? It's your head, why can't you make them go away? It was getting too overwhelming.

Why can't you just-

"Y/N!"

You turned around. There he was in all his glory, Puss in boots.

"Puss!" You responded, wiping your eyes. Puss tilted his head in confusion.

"Are you crying?" He wasn't teasing you, he was genuinely worried for you. That only made you want to cry more.

"What? Noo-" You tried to say in a happy tone, but your voice cracks were hard to hide.

Puss slowly walked over to you, and then he hugged you. Almost instantly, you burst into tears. He gently patted your back, holding you close and not letting go.

You don't know how long you've been crying for nor did you know how long Puss and you sat under a tree. You leaning on his shoulder as he gently held you close, both of you staring into the horizon, watching the rain pour.

"What's got you so upset?" He finally asked, your breath hitched. You don't want to seem like you were crying for a stupid reason, but you don't think you can put your feelings into words.

"You don't have to tell me, but if it will make you feel better, I am listening." He added, pressing you closer to himself. You took a deep breath in and out. Maybe telling him this would really help you.

"Well, I guess I just don't think i'm good enough for you guys.... But I don't know how to make myself better or if I even should be in the team because-"

"Y/N."

You looked up at him.

"Don't say things like that. The team loves you so much, we need you with us. And don't even get me started on how perfect you are. Your battle form is amazing and the way you protect us when we're just not enough for the enemy its-... If anything, you're the most perfect thing in the entire world, Y/N.

Your eyes widened, he looked like he meant all of that. You felt warm, you needed to hear this and he knew.

He pressed his forehead to yours and you both just sat there, appreciating each other.

But soon the rain stopped, and you both fell asleep next to that tree. You both held each other close, and dreamt beautiful things. You would thank him so many times if you were awake, but for now you're both resting.

For now you're both at peace.

---------------------------------------

I needed to write this😤😤 literally writing this in school but the request is just so 😩🤌✨✨✨ You guys are creative, if not for ya'll i'd be sitting in school sleeping but i'm sorry if it's short I don't have much time

[karliahs]

fic writer interview!!

tysm @plusultraetc for the tag!! <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

50 exactly!

What's your total AO3 word count?

234,906, almost half of which (110k) was written/posted this year. insane!!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

darken your door (12,832)

walk a mile (5642)

swan dive (4857)

rescue (3905)

something else to pretend (3,572)

there's a theme here and it's bnha fics i wrote in 2019/2020

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!! with several asterisks i'll get into in a minute. i try to respond to every comment i get because:

i genuinely really appreciate that anyone takes the time to tell me they liked a fic when they could just consume it and say nothing with 0 consequences, so i want to say thank you

some comments have a rly big impact on me - change the way i feel about stuff, contain phrases i remember for a really long time, make me cry, etc - and just like how if someone writes a fic that impacts me then i want to tell them, i want to tell people how much their comment mattered

i often only figure out why i did something or made certain choices in a fic until someone prompts me to talk about it. it's such a useful exercise for understanding my own work better

i genuinely adore rambling about my fics, it's arguably more fun than writing them in the first place

it's really nice getting to chat to commenters and get to know people!

however. there is a 3-4 year period where i didn't reply to any comments at all because i got overwhelmed and then felt like it was too late to try and catch up. this still haunts me a little bit because i got some really lovely impactful comments in that era but it just feels too weird to reply literally like 5 years late 😭

2nd asterisk is some fics i feel kind of embarrassed about and so don't reply to comments on, 3rd is that i'm bad at managing my comments inbox so i'm sure i miss people out by accident sometimes, and 4th is that if i don't have anything nice to say then i won't respond...i get almost no comments i think are intentionally meant to be rude, but sometimes i get ones that rankle for one reason or another and i won't reply if i'm just gonna be tetchy bc again, i don't think they're meant badly

so very much a yes in theory but not in practice 😂

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

bargaining chips i think. the funny thing about that series is that in some ways i think things would ultimately turn out better than in canon (there's a reason the 2nd fic has akechi promise to contact ren if he does survive, a thing that would have paid off in the 3rd fic i never finished). but as of bargaining chips it's very much...this is the POV of a person who thinks the only power they have left in the world is to hurt people

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

my usual ending is like bittersweet and/or hopeful, so for example i feel a lot of things about the cathertic (for me at least) endings for redux and something else to pretend and unwanted, but idk if they can exactly be called happy.

going to my pure silly fluff fics instead where we pretty much start happy and end happy: to work, to rest which ends with the gang being happy about stickers, or class pets which ends with class a getting three (3) cats

Do you write crossovers?

nope!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not really! probably the closest was someone commenting on pathologised with just "WHERE IS YUSUKE?" in all caps 🙄 "why isn't my fave dude in your fic" is not a genre of comment i enjoy, though it's usually phrased more politely than that at least

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of, though it's apparently fairly rampant in bnha fandom with those "what if deku [x]" youtube videos. i think those are reserved for fics with actual plots though

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i think i've been asked for permission for people to do so before, but i don't think i've ever actually seen anything posted...someone did translate a little section of one fic into spanish in a bookmarker comment once, which was very fun because i remember little bits of spanish from school & years of sporadic duolingo

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i think it would be so fun 👀

What's your all-time favorite ship?

mannnn i just cannot care about romantic ships the way that seems to be so ubiquitous in fandom. even when i try and write romance it ends up as like ambigious tenderness or Friendship With Vibes. the few times i've even written kissing it's been just a build up to a kiss after which the fic immediately fades to black, which is really funny in retrospect like...buddy, is that because you stop caring about what's happening once the kissing starts?

i am fond of erasermic, jontim and shindeku, though i enjoy them as platonic dynamics pretty much the same amount

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

it mostly doesn't bother me to have tons of unfinished WIPs, i don't really put that expectation that everything i start will or should get finished/posted.

so the only one that genuinely bugs me is the third fic in seen and not heard, because i feel like i kind of promised it to people and then didn't deliver, and because it would have properly concluded a series i know a few people really connected with...and because the draft got to like 80% done but i could just never finish it off in a way i was happy with. maybe someday though

there's also a more recent bnha fic draft that i am really fond of in some ways, but i just could not take the discourse i think it would inspire. i might finish it just for me someday

What are your writing strengths?

cribbing all these from comments honestly but i think i'm pretty good at real-feeling emotional responses to situations. emotional realism, maybe? and writing introspection/people thinking and feeling things in general.

my characterisation gets complimented a fair bit, which is funny bc i think i actually take a lot of liberties with canon characters, but i guess i'm decent at couching those liberties in a way that makes it pass muster most of the time. like passing off a counterfeit watch as genuine

i'm somewhat good with grounding things in sensory detail, but that's one of those things i think i'll always be trying to get better at

What are your writing weaknesses?

i've never met a plot in my life and i don't want to. i also can't write longfic. in real-world terms i'm a short story writer and not a novelist - all those structural narrative things people do to make a long-form story work are just mystifying to me. part of that is just driven by what interests me though - i don't read a lot of plotty longfic either

i'm also still working on improving syntax and flow in my prose in general, but that's another one of those endless projects i think

oh also having more than two people in a prolonged dialogue scene is wildly difficult to me

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i have no thoughts on this matter!

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

merlin! i wrote probably bad merlin fic on ff.net back when i was like 15/16. it's actually the reason i joined tumblr in the first place, bc my fave merlin fic writer had a tumblr and i got curious

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

i'd like to write more about my silly little video game OCs. i've dabbled in it a bit before but i've never really invested in it because i know no one would read it/care. but i'm getting better at writing for myself and it is really fun to have records of these OCs that i love, so i hope i can write some stuff about the protag i make for new dragon age that i'll inevitably get deeply attached to

it's also kind of wild to me that i've never written for homestuck or dangan ronpa given the impact those two things had on my psyche

What's your favorite fic you've written?

my answer to this changes depending on the day but right now...something else to pretend my beloved

wow that got long. not tagging anyone but if you'd like to do it, consider yourself tagged!

[hood-ex]

Finished JJK S2. Many thoughts below.

I'm kinda "hmm" over the parallels in personalities between the Yuji/Megumi/Nobara team and the Satoru/Suguru/Shoko team. Yuji and Gojo as the powerhouses with loud mouths. Megumi and Suguru as the quieter members. Nobara and Shoko as the boisterous don't take shit ones. Like idk I guess I'm just worried about Megumi in this equation and hoping he doesn't pull a Sasuke (or duh Suguru lmao) at some point.

Speaking of Megumi, he was only really involved in about 3 fights total. I missed him in the bigger showdowns with the others. On the other hand, I'm really glad Nobara got to step in and deal some actual damage to Mahito. Like I said before, fuck Mahito, all my homies hate Mahito. I mean, seriously, it felt like Yuji was getting nowhere with Mahito, so when Nobara got that hit in, I was cheering, I was hooting. I was painting "Nobara" on the back of my shirt. What an awesome moment for her.

Sorry I watched basically the entire series today so my brain is burning, my memories feel like soup rn, I'm going out of order when talking about events. Uhhh... oh I'm glad Jogo and Hanami died. I was sick of them. The difference in the fight between Jogo and Sukuna vs. Sukuna and Megumi's thingy. His... what was it called again? Eh whatever you know what I'm talking about. The pact (?) monster Megumi called forth before he went unconscious. The difference in those fights was super interesting. With Jogo, Sukuna was just having fun and not worried at all. With Megumi's thingy, Sukuna actually had to strategize a bit and such. No wonder he has a fascination with Megumi.

Too bad Sukuna killed those sisters but honestly not surprised. I did like how those sisters revived Yuji/Sukuna.

Oh?? And Choso dude?? The sibling reveal?? You have nooo idea how much I didn't want Choso to get killed off at the very end. I was hoping, I was praying, I was like absolutely not, now that I know he's Yuji's older brother, he cannot die. Ever. Everrr. Bc you know me and my thing about siblings. Love em. I was laughing when Choso was telling Yuji to call him older brother, and Yuji was like dude whaaat lmao. Like shhh, Yuji, shhh. Just accept it. You have two brothers now. Aoi and Choso. Lolol.

Speaking of Aoi, I had a moment where I was like, okay, I can get over Nanami's death because he had accepted his death, he was tired, he was ready to go, but I CANNOT accept Aoi's death. Even the thought of him dying made me start to tear up. He's definitely one of my favorite characters now, which is funny, bc I thought he was just annoying in his first appearance. But the fact that he has Yuji and Takada in his locket?? LMAOOO THIS MAN IS SO UNSERIOUS PLS. Sucks he lost a hand, but I'd rather him lose a limb than lose a life. (Fuck me, he's gonna die at some point isn't he? I will literally sob. I'm not kidding, I will sob when/if that happens.)

Oh yeah and Nanami fucks forever and always. He was so hot for wrapping his tie around his hand like that. Ugh. Love him. Gonna miss him. Hope someone reclaims his weapon. I actually didn't cry over him bc, like I said, he was just... ready to go. He was too tired to go on. I could accept that.

Bro did Maki die?? I mean surely if Nanami survived then maybe she did as well...? I hope she didn't die. I liked her.

Owww my brain hurts, I need to get my thoughts out faster. Uhh... ohhh. Oh. When Yuji witnessed Nanami's death on top of Nobara's death (not convinced she's 100% dead though bc of the medic boy being like idk she was dead but maybe she won't be bc of my healing) and on top of seeing what Sukuna had done to Shibuya... holy fuck... talk about a lot of trauma in a short time. Dude when he just gave up after Nobara's death... and he curled up and cried when Aoi appeared... that hurt me. That made me feel like I was in the stadium of the first Pokemon movie watching all the Pokemon cry over Ash's stone body. It felt like that moment. That sadness and grief just overwhelming. Damn. What a good moment though.

I haven't even talked about Satoru yet. Woooow... the way he demolished all those curses at the train station in such a short time... crazy. Sucks he's trapped in a box. Like idk what else to say lmao. Free my man Satoru.

Omg omg omg can I talk about how two of my favorite moments of the whole series ended up in this season?? So the scene where Nobara talked to that girl from Yuji's high school who had a crush on him, and she called Megumi to come meet them, and then Yuji appeared later. Ahhh!! Squee!!! Megumi was sooo cute! And he was super cute in my other fav flashback scene where Nobara spilled coffee or whatever on Satoru's shirt, and Megumi stuffed the shirt under his own shirt to hide it from Satoru. Like lmao he gave himself boobies. PLS HE'S SO CUTE. MY LIL BEANIE BABY. See, this is why I can't have this man go all Sasuke. I need him to stay on the team for cute moments like that.

And speaking of cute Megumi things, I thought it was so cute when he was planning to die, and he replayed the last words he and Yuji said to each other. Something about them like staying safe/meeting up later or whatever. And he was like sorry I broke my word, Yuji. Something akin to that. :3

Holy moly some of the dialogue goes on for way too long during fight scenes and such. Like I know they have to explain all the techniques and details of curses and such, but it makes the fight scenes seem so much longer, and I'm like goddd please just shut up and fight (I'm literally not retaining any of the info they're saying anyway asldkja)!! Also, some of the fight scenes, even without a ton of dialogue, were just ridiculously long. Like did we really need 3-4 episodes of one fight between Yuji and Mahito?? I was like somebody new please come in and kill Mahito ASAP.

LOL the way that I was like "FINALLY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THIS WHOLE TIME?" when Yuta finally arrived at the end, only to be like boooooo when he said he was gonna kill Yuji. Like nooo you two are supposed to be friends, okay. Be friends. Amigos. Pals. Fight side-by-side. Nah but surely Yuta will come around and fight alongside Yuji, right... right...

Wow yeah lots and lots of deaths this season. And now Megumi's sister is awake so okaaay...

Also, that Megumi dad dude was awesome as hell. He was freaking insaaane. I didn't care that he was kicking everyone's ass, I was just like let's goooo!

So anyway if any of y'all are reading the manga, please lemme know if Yuji and Choso retain a stronger bond of sorts or if that doesn't happen at all. Or if Choso straight up dies and they never get the chance for any kind of "hey that scar brain dude helped birth us so we're brothers" talk.

!!! I almost forgot!!! Why was Megumi holding Yuji's hood like this lmao. It was cute. And just. the big pile of bunnies.

[my-castles-crumbling]

sorry to bother but omg i just have to rant about this because it sucks

I just moved to a new school (like new country so I don't know anyone or anything) and there's this kid and from what I heard from other people (i never got to talk to them so idk preferred pronouns or anything so i'm gonna just use them) their trans.

and it sucks bc the entire grade (like including the group that i've been hanging out with) made fun of them. Like on girl called them "the girlboy" and like people made fun of them for using the boys bathrooms. I heard last week that they left the school because so many people were making fun of them and that's just horrible right? like what the fuck is wrong with people.

And now I (who has been questioning my gender for like 2 fucking years and thought this year would be a new start) can't experiment with my pronouns. because everybody here is shitty. I was the one who sent in the ask about the 3 guys being absolutley shocked that I was gay btw. I didn't say it in the last ask because it happened a few days after but I was talking to this girl who's in a different grade. we're friends from a club we both do. anyway i was talking to her before the class i had with the 3 guys and I walk to where they are bc one of my friends is there and we were all waiting for the teacher and he was like

"she's so weird, the girl you were talking to"

and i realised that i think they associate queer with weird if that makes sense. like the person i was talking to looks queer (and they are) and I think that's why he thinks she's weird because he has literally never had a conversation with her once in his life. so i think the reason they didn't think i was gay is because i don't look "weird" to them.

anyway it just sucks because when i was first moving here i hoped i could have a friendgroup that i could be more open about experiementing my gender with? if that makes sense? at my old school i was really open about being gay but my friends were a bit weird about that so i never told them. I have one friend tho and she' honestly my favorite person can i rant about her for a second? i'm going to anyway

She has tumblr too and when i first told her about it was around the same time she convinced me to get tumblr so she wanted to tall people to look for my account and i just had 1 conversation with her about how i was questioning stuff and it was a while before that and she asked me like "hey is she ok for the post i was gonna make or qould you prefer he or they? or something else?" and i was like "would they be ok?" and she was like "ofc" that was the first time that anyone's used they/them for me actually

and this might be bc she's bi but she was my only friend there who wasn't weird about me being gay. even before she started identifying as bi. like most of my friends would make off hand comments and tell everyone they knew i was gay and she was just chill. she laughed at my jokes (and now makes jokes with me).

she's also just like literally the best person ever like the first day of my new school i couldn't find my class and i was about to cry bc i was so overwhelmed and i texted her and she made me laugh and helped me calm down and gave me ideas of what to do and helped me find my class even tho she wasn't even in the same fucking country

all this to say people at my school are dicks and i miss my friend and i can't try out new pronouns in person bc people at my school are dicks

Thank you so much for reading (if you did) sorry for ranting

Hi!

Please don't apologize for ranting, I completely understand why you're upset. I'm glad you at least have one friend who is great (I wish she was at your school)! Does your school have a Gay-Straight Alliance or anything you could go to, to see if there are other people who are queer that you might not be aware of?

Naming you convinced anon!

[https-evan2]

Can i please request rottmnt famous actress! Female! Reader x all boys turtles?

Type; platonic, friendship, HCs.

The plot is about reader who joins April's school & tho everyone are going nuts over her (she's beautiful, have a career & they're fans of her work) the turtles weren't so excited because they thought she would be your everyday stereotype famous actress; spoiled brat, bossy...etc. So imagine their shock when they met her & find how of sweetheart, caring person she is.

I love this <3

Actress

Rottmnt x fem! Reader platonic

M/N = Movie’s name

C/N = Character name

• You were new to this school

• Since you’ve been homeschooled your hole life bc of you being an actress you were very excited

• The day you came you were already overwhelmed

“Omg Is that actually Y/N”

”isn’t she the girl that played C/N in M/N”

• As much as you were happy people thought you were a good actress you knew that people would take advantage of this

• It’s been a week at this school and you were pretty tired

• You haven’t talked to anyone making some people thinking you were rude

• That was until you got randomly paired up with this girl named April

• you were pretty awkward bc you weren’t used to this situation

• As much as you tried you couldn’t say

“i can do this” or “let me do this and you can do that”

• it made you believe you were rude and i think April thought so to bc that same day she went to the turtles to talk about this

“It was so annoying she didn’t do anything nor tried to help” she said laying down on the sofa

“Ugh i hate those people” Donnie said

“How could she think that is okay i mean you- she- ugh i can’t think right now” Mikey said

(bc i hc him to get really frustrated and might even cry when he can’t really word what he’s thinking)

“are you sure she just isn’t shy” Raph said obviously trying to be more mature of the hole situation

“Yo April next time ya’ see her look her straight into the eyes and say: You’re NOT the boss of me and you also need to help” Leo said with his hands on her shoulders”

“okay next time i meet her ill just say that*

*time skip to a couple days later*

• You were both at Aprils apartment to do the assignment

• You were still awkward bc this was a very new situation

• just when you were about to speak April suddenly interrupts you

“hey i know you’re an actress or whatever but that does NOT give you an excuse to be rude to people” she tried to be more calm but it still came out as a pretty harsh tone

“Y-yeah sorry” you said and started to work

*skip to after the sun went down*

•the turtles and April were out playing basketball as usual

“I GOT IT” Mikey said but then the ball bounced of the basket

“Great job Mikey” Leo said sarcastically

“Leo don’t be mean” Raph said noticing Mikey was pretty upset about it

• little did they know you were there going on a walk with your neighbours dog

• You saw the hole think happen and even though they were literally mutant turtles you saw that they were upset

• you tied the dog to a lamppost while you started to climb that tree

*the next day*

•since it was Saturday you decided to just walk to Aprils apartment you brought some homemade baked goods to apologise to April and give her the ball so she could give it to her friends

•when you knocked you got no response so you decided to open the door to be met by April and the four turtles

• They were staring at you like ‘why tf are you here’ kinda look

“I’m sorry to interrupt but i saw that you lost your basketball and i just wanted to give it back” you said not looking at them bc otherwise you would get to nervous

“Aw sweet” Mikey basically yelled

•They were pretty shocked you would even do anything like this bc they thought you were rude

“oh April I’m sorry i didn’t hell that much on the project but here” you place a basket on the floor that smelled amazing

“why are you doing this i thought you didn’t like me?” April asked

“well i- i dont dislike you i was just kinda nervous for the project and i- I’m sorry i came of as rude” you said

• they noticed you’re very serious and not just doing it bc you had nothing better to do

Let’s say they liked you more then they thought

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yay I’m done and I’ll maybe do a part 2

[tmwcs]

Hey! Its my first time sending an ask hehe~ I just wanted to say that you’re such an amazing writer and your series are just sooooo good!!! 😍😍😍 I started getting into your account when I came across the smau for MRE and HHP and I gotta say, you got me hooked so bad onto Heethan that I end up loving all your Hee-leads so far! I’m so invested in HHP, SE7EN, DT and now TO! I’m honestly so excited to read a new chapter everytime you post hahaha! 🤭🤭

The main reason I wanted to send you this is cuz I’ve been having super stressful and bad days these past few days and its mainly cuz its my final year in college, final semester and final week actually 😅 and there’s just like sooo many final preparations needed to be done for my big final year project (having my big presentation today! soooo nervous) and its just been too much and too overwhelming for me and I didn’t wanna bother anyone with my anxiousness so I’ve been keeping it all to myself and having slight panic attacks and just started having random breakdowns as I complete my assignments. Reading your series, whether its new chapters or just rereading older ones have given me comfort, like I really felt alone but its like Heethan, Heelel and the Heebros have become my comfort characters. It’s just been so overwhelming for me and I didn’t wanna bother my family with it, I only have one other friend that I trust with my whole life but rarely see her, we’re all busy and I just felt like I’m falling behind in everything. Even though the Hee-leads might be like crazy obsessed with the reader, its like I really needed them in my life just to have someone to drop everything just to hold and comfort me anytime life becomes too much for me. I’m actually crying while writing this to you hahaha… it just feels like everyone around me is moving so fast and I’m stuck at the back picking myself up just because I feel so overwhelmed and anxious easily. Turning 20 this year is another thing that has me feeling afraid of adulthood, my mum is pressuring me into getting a job immediately once I graduate but I just feel like I’m not ready, or I’m just not ready to give up my teenage freedom and socialise professionally. Being such an introvert and shy and always thinking I’m just dumb and cant do work without help has been holding me back from wanting to grow and enjoy this new chapter in life.

So sorry for this long ass rant but i just really needed to let you know how much your stories, your Hee-leads have been keeping me going. Excited for the next chapters of your series! Hope you’re having a great day❣️

Omg so....I LOVE THIS.....this is so heartwarming and thank you for sharing it with me. Also, thank you for discovering my blog so you can write this to me, bc as you may have figured, receiving asks are just....its so nice. its a nice and wonderful surprise to hear from readers interesting in my work, wanting to know more about the characters and so forth. I am just beyond touched that heethan, heelel, and heebrows have made their way into your heart and to provide you comfort. in fact, reading your message had reminded me of a piece that i had started to draft (it was originally supposed to be a part of one of the HHP chapters but i never went through with it) but i still had it in my folders so after i finished reading your message, I decided to go back and actually finish it and format it specifically for you as y/n. I hope you like it. <3

Heeseung's Message.....

MDNI18+ content below the line.

Warnings: mentions of losing loved ones, fears and worries about the future, smut, car smut, unprotected smut, some....just some sadness....its a very heartwarming and touching piece.

"What's wrong baby?"

Noting how silent you were in the car, right after he picked you up, Heeseung rubbed your thigh, gently shifting your skirt upwards as he softly slid his hand up and down, enveloping you with warmth and comfort. "Something on your mind pretty baby?"

Placing your hand on his, you grabbed hold semi-tightly, keeping your gaze out at the window. You were hesitant at first, noting that Heeseung had a busy schedule of his own, was on his way of finishing his last year in college, aiding his professors, and of course, there was you....picking you up from classes, dropping you off every morning, taking you wherever you needed to go. You appreciated it but the man had completely devoted his time to everything else, you felt it selfish to bring any matters up to him....feeling that whatever time he did have left within the evening, he should at least have it for himself.

"It's nothing." You sighed out.

Glancing over to you, he furrowed his brows and quickly shifted the wheel, stirring the car over to a nearby parking lot on one of the campus buildings.

"What are you....?" raising up in your seat, you looked around before turning your gaze over to Heeseung, who steered the wheel with one hand and in a smooth motion, parked the car. Unbuckling his seatbelt, his gaze meets with yours before he reaches up and places his hand behind your head, softly grabbing onto your hair as he leans in and rests his forehead against yours.

"Whats wrong? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you? I wanna know. Tell me, y/n."

His eyes were wide and his expression was fierce with rage, however, before he further ventured off into a spiraling path of unhinged presumptions, you reached up and latched your fingers onto his collar, placing a dainty kiss on his lips. "Its not that....I promise nothing like that happened."

Raising his brows and tilting his head, he releases the gentle grip he had on your hair, and replaced it with a soft, petting motion. "Then why are you being so quiet? You seem upset, what is it?"

Looking down at the console for just a second, you raise your sights once more to meet his and began talking.

".....Are you ever scared about the future, Heeseung?"

His face was taken slightly aback as he raised both brows and looked at you with an intent look.

"Is that what this is about? Are you feeling overwhelmed about moving?"

Shaking your head, you looked down once more as you shyly clarified. "Nooo.....its not just that....its more..."

"Like what baby?"

"Like....after the moving.....finishing college, being in an unfamiliar country, not knowing anybody, making new friends, meeting your family, being apart from mine, learning a new language, finding a job after college, and what if I have to do more college? Or ...." pausing, you caught yourself drifting in verbal thought.

"Or....?" He draws out as he bids you to finish your statement.

"Or........what if....what if something happens and we........you know.....what if we just...."

Squinting his eyes slightly, his expression looked a little irked as he rolled his tongue in his mouth. "That's never going to happen y/n. You know that."

"Yeah but....."

"But what?" Slightly annoyed, he closed his eyes for a second, tilted his chin down, and lifted his lids to expose a rather stern and rather angry look. Yet the moment he saw that your eyes began to glisten, shining like diamonds as the tears started to build up, you looked down once more, unable to look him square in the eye as you felt the first tear break free and drip down on the leather padding of the console.

Watching as you faintly sobbed, he nearly felt his heart break into two. He gasped out a faint breath as he reached over with his other hand and cupped your face, no longer expressing a look of annoyance.

"Hey......why? What's making you think that way? Am I not showing you enough love? You know whatever it is you want, all you have to do is tell me and I'll make it happen."

"Its not that i just........there's just some things we can't predict about the future Heeseung......what if some day......what if you stop loving me......or worse.....what if something happens and I no longer have you? What if....just.......you never know.....is it wrong for me to hope for the best, but expect the worse? Because...you know that life can be so unfair some times....and I....I....I'm scared because....I dont even know....what I'm scared of sometimes. I wake up every single morning not even knowing how to live life because there's so many things that I think about....so many things that are thrown at me all at once and I just.....I feel like sometimes......I might fail......I feel like sometimes.....I will let you down.......I feel like its not the world, its me.........its me that's broken, not you or anyone else."

You gasped out tears and soft cries as you spoke straight from the heart. For the first time, Heeseung had sincerely considered if going to Korea was the best option, at least just for a second before he reminded himself of the future that he had waiting for him.....a future that would allow him to continue to keep you....safe....and with him.

Shifting his sights around on the floor bed of the car, his thumbs stroke your cheeks, wiping away the continuous flow of tears that were now coming down harder than before. Gulping down a hard swallow, he turns back to face you.

"Baby.........look at me....please look at me."

Looking up into his gaze, your eyes red, swollen, with eyelashes drenched and your face stained with wet trails of all your fears leaving their mark. With a soft smile, he calmly speaks.

"You're right.....that is tough. There's a lot that we can't control in the future....its precarious, and we're literally just pawns on the board of this silly game called life, where God and the universe are taking turns making each move. It can be cruel, unfair, and tormenting. Its something that we can either overcome with great strife and hard work."

"But what happens if we work so hard and it.....it just doesnt work out? What if everything just falls apart Heeseung?"

"We wont know unless it happens y/n......the thing about the future, as much as we want it here in the present, so we can see and view what it has in store for us, thats....just not the way it works. That's not the way we work....we're not designed to know those things. We didn't become strong because we cheated, we became strong and survived because we, as humans, learned....the hard way."

Looking into his eyes, your vision started to become blurry all over as the next set of tears built up. Smiling as he continued to wipe your tears away, he continues.

"Y/n....for thousands of years, people have fallen, lost, and suffered at the creativity of the universe. Yet we never gave up......people had an urge to survive. Which is why at times, even when the entire world was on fire, times where a soldier never comes home, a woman loses her child, or when a doctor just doesnt have a cure.....we keep moving....we get back up and learn how to walk again. I can't sit here and tell you that I know that everything is going to be great.....I dont know. But what I do know.....is this...."

Shifting his hands down to your waist, he lifts you with his core strength as his abdominal muscles flexed under his shirt. Bringing you over onto his lap, he sat you down in a princess style as he cradled you against his chest.

"No matter what happens....I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there and I'm going to help you, just like you're going to help me. I'll never let anything happen to you....and.....you never have to worry about me not loving you .....noooooooo pretty baby......that's never going to happen, not loving you would be the worst offense against Heaven and humanity. As far as if anything were to happen to me...."

The moment Heeseung touched on that part of the subject, you sobbed uncontrollably against his neck.

"Heeeeeey, come on now. Nothing's even happen, why are you acting like that's a for sure thing?" he chuckles out as he kisses your forehead. "Listen..." Taking your hand in his, he continues.

"I'm not going anywhere......I'm not. I know this because I know what is living for me......you. I will never abandon you. Even if something did happen, you know i'm always going to be with you. You know how?"

Shaking your head, he brushes your hair away from your face.

"Moments like this baby. Every time we talk, touch, feel each other, love, eat, sleep, kiss, and when I fuck your brains out...." gripping onto your waist tightly, he presses his forehead against your own once more. "All the things we do, they never leave. So.......if there is ever a time where I am not physically here......you're always going to remember how i feel..." gliding his hand from your waist, he reaches down and gently trails it upwards under your skirt, his fingers reaching into your panties.

"You're going to remember my touch..." kissing your neck, he latches his mouth onto your soft spot under your ear, and rings the tip of his tongue around in slow circular motions.

"You're going to remember my scent...." with his free hand, he reaches behind your head and gently pushes your face inward, causing your nose to become burrowed in his thatch of dark long, shaggy hair, inhaling the scent of his cool-mint cologne and his shampoo.

"You'll also remember what I taste like...." placing a soft peck on the spot he was sucking on, he tilts his head up slightly and brings your head down to kiss him.

"And best of all......pretty baby.......you're going to remember what it feels like when I fuck you......when I love you." Shifting your body to face forward, your back completely spooned by his chest and groin as you both remained seated in the drivers side, he spreads your legs open by pushing our inner thighs apart. You were so caught up with the sensual four play, you hadn't realized that he tore off your panties. Unbuttoning your blouse, exposing your breasts, he shifts you up as he levels his length to align with your slit, before proceeding to enter inside you. Feeling full of his flesh, you moaned out as the overwhelming sense of pleasure hits you........taking you away from the abysmal depths of your fears and worries.

Steadying you in a reverse cowgirl position, filing you, his cock melts inside you as he begins thrusting slow and steady, picking up the pace as your walls become more moist.

"You feel me pretty baby?"

"Y-yes!"

"Yeah? You gonna remember me forever?"

"Y-yes...yes! He-Heeseung!"

"You gonna remember what this feels like?"

"Yes!"

"What does it feel like baby? Tell me."

"F-f......fe-feels......ssss......goood......soo....soo.goood....ugh!"

"Harder or faster baby?"

"ugh! both! please both!"

Thrusting repeatedly, your body falls limp as he holds you upright, with one arm wrapped around your waist, and his other hand shifting a grip between your neck and your exposed breast, he muffles your moans and screams with his mouth as he swallows every single bit of your precious tones.

"Gonna cum for me?"

"Y-ye.....yes!...yes.......ugh! He-Heeseung!"

"Yeah? You gonna cum because you're a good girl?"

"Mmm!mmmmmm....mmmhmmm!....ugh!"

"You my good girl?"

"Y....yes!!"

"Yeah you are.......now fucking cum on me. Let me feel it."

Adding more depth to each thrust, you gasped out your screams of pleasure as he rams his cock deep inside, separating new found walls and extracting the moisture out of your body. Reaching orgasm and releasing all over his member, your thighs shake relentlessly.

"Good girl.....my turn."

Cupping your lower tummy, he pushes in and feels his thick length as it slides in and out, he found it amusing how your sensitive body could take him like this, especially feeling it inside you as he was doing right now. Jacking his member deep inside you at a rapid and hard momentum, he finally reaches his moment and with one last punctured thrust, he bucks his hips upward as he shoves you down, mashing your bodies together as he releases inside and fills your body up.

Pulling your head back as he latches his mouth on your neck yet again, suckling as your body bounces rigorously from the tenacity of his performance.

Feeling the pleasure of his tainted love, you somehow were to understand his message clearly, all due to Heeseung extracting you from your fears......which he had done before, back when Samuel sent you his email......back when you and Heeseung came together for the first time.....the start of your guys story. Just as he did back then, he helped you to understand, that the reality of what life gives, is never necessarily the ending to your story. The more he kept pumping into you, the more you were reminded of that clarity. Yea sure, you still felt scared, but knowing that if at first you dont succeed....reach happiness.....or if things just dont work out, you can and should always, try-try again. A lesson you were always reminded of, all thanks to Heethan.

Authors note: Lol, sooooooo...yeah this original draft did have some smut....and i was going to take it out but it was too crucial for me to do so. I hope you dont mind that. But, this chapter was originally drafted, back a few months ago. I had this thought in my head, since I have only taken a few college courses, and am about to start back up on it, I was feeling so dreadful and felt too nervous about doing well. I want to succeed in reaching my educational goals....but what also kind of bugged me was....will i still find time to write? I love writing, truly do. Mainly because it brings other people joy and brings out their most inner feelings. I had so much on my mind that time that i had began drafting this, but as i was writing it, i left it unfinished bc honestly, when i drafted heethan's message.....literally its like his voice was telling me what to write....i felt better. like it was a nice little reminder....realistic...very rational....and honest...but still positive and holds truth. there's a lot of things we can't control, but we should never give up. Its okay to be scared and to worry, that's natural, and that is exactly why people such as myself are here, writing these chapters and stories for you all because i know that there is such a thing called 'life' and sometimes....we just need a break from it to refresh ourselves. I know you have alot on your plate, but dont worry because everything will be more than fine. We have to pace ourselves, work hard, but also rest, and play from time to time. Eat and drink well, and finish strong. finish college, work with your mother and teach her to work with you, if you dont get the job you really want, no big deal. no matter what job you get, if its one you dont want, nothing lasts forever. just think that whatever you do now, it is only making you more marketable for the dream goal you have. I hope you continue strong because while you do have alot on your plate, you've been slaying....you've been killing it! and that's a major accomplishment in itself, last of year of college? woohoo! finish strong!

So now i should apologize for responding with the longest post ever lol. but i really hope this makes you feel better. Reading your message had reminded me of this piece and i am so glad you sent it to me because....looking at it now...and actually finishing it......this was something that was meant to be published and shared. bc it holds an important message for all of us. <3

Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️ 

☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow

[osarina]

(uh, this is rlly long im so sorry qwq)

OMG THAT LAST CHAPTER HAD ME FEELING SM CARINA U CANT DO THIS TO ME !!!! LITERALLY THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS IN I HADTA WALK AROUND BC I WAS SO OVERWHELMED I LOVED IT SM !!! N THOSE LAST FEW LINES. DONTDOTHISTOME I S A W THE "BEAST AU COMPLIANT" TAG ON UU IM GONNA SOB MY EYES OUT DURING IT I JUST KNOW !!!

gonna leave some of my fave few lines n my thoughts abt them from this chapter (ok these arent all of em, bc if i put all of em it'd be the whole 50k words of this series SO ITS JUST THIS CHAPTER)

"because how could he possibly belong amongst people who are so unfailingly good that it makes his tainted heart stick out like a sore thumb?"

STOP NO DONT DO THIS TO MEEEEEE throughout the whole fic u perfectly captured his thought process n how he denies his own capacity for change n how he HAS changed from when he was 18 BUT THIS LINE MADE ME TEAR UPPPPPP

"He is so completely and irrevocably in love with you that Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live in a world without you. The thought alone makes his skin crawl and his chest cave in."

self-explanatory

“Are you calling me ugly?” 

u gorgeous, gorgeous man ilysm yes you look like a rat but i'll swaddle u up in blankets n clean u up

the whole graveyard scene. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY HELLO

“You were a kid, Osamu. You’re not some incarnate of evil for ending up where you did, you were failed by all of the adults in your life,”

ok nvm crying this hit me like a truck

"Humans cannot live without a heart, so if he’s to give you his, it’s only fair that you give him your own—though realistically, yours has already been his for a long time."

i feel like this mightve been ur fave line, but if it wasnt IT STILL IS MINE BC OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD QWQ

ranpos lil rant was so funny he's literally me frfr

“Yeah… ha, look at us, in jail at the same time! Couple goals, huh?” 

i giggled

PLS READER INVITING EVERYONE JUST TO AVOID GETTING INTERROGATED UMMM RELATABLE LMFAO

these are just some of them BUT JUST IN GENERAL, UR WRITING IS JUST MAGICAL ITS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED TO READ N I LOVELOVELOVEEEE THIS SERIES N ALL UR WORKS (n u /p) SM !!! I CANT WAIT FOR UNREAL UNEARTH, I JUST KNOW IT'LL BE AMAZING !!!

RED HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU NOT TO APOLOGIZE I LITERALLY ADORE YOU IM GOING TO WEEP OMG

honestly the first scene of dazai’s pov was one of my favs to write because it pisses me off so much whenever he’s excluded from the ada panels in the manga fjsjdjsjjd so i NEEDED the opportunity to hit home that that is his FAMILY idc what asagiri says the ada is that boys family and he deserves it 🥹🤞

UGHHHHH STOP BECAUSE WHENEVER I WRITE CANONZAI ITS SO HARD TO KEEP ON THAT THIN LINE OF HIS INABILITY TO ACCEPT HIS OWN GROWTH WHILE ALSO HAVING HIM ACKNOWLEDGING ODA’S LAST WISH FOR HIM SO I REWROTE SO MANY OF HIS POVS SEVERAL TIMES BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WASNT GRASPING IT ALL PROPERLY

the graveyard scene was one of the 3 scenes i started writing for 🥹 i literally was weeping when i finally got to it

AND ALSO THE YOU WERE A KID LINE UGHHHHHHHH BRO when i tell you that’s something that i literally want to scream at him and shake his shoulders like he was FOURTEEN WHEN MORI BROUGHT HIM IN AFTER HIS ATTEMPT !!!!! FOURTEEN !!!!! HE WAS A BABY IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHEN HE FRAMES HIMSELF AS SOME IRREDEEMABLE MONSTER WHEN HE ONLY TURNED OUT THE WAY HE DID BECAUSE HE HAD NO ADULTS IN HIS LIFE SETTING HIM ON THE RIGHT TRACK ugh im gonna weep again i will always be dazai’s #1 defender, i will fight him himself idc he was only a lil baby :’)

oh my god fun fact i actually almost deleted that line about the heart, i don’t even know why like i was rereading it right before i post and i second guessed myself because i was like ‘i don’t think it rlly flows’ but then i decided against removing it because i liked the line in general SO IM WEEPING AGAIB

bro ranpo needs a promotion for real the headaches this man must get because of people not listening to him 💀

HDOSJDJSJDJJD THE COUPLES GOAL LINE WHEN I TELL YOU I SNORTED WRITING IT HELPPPPP I WAS GIGGLING SO HARD

RED ILYSM IM BUNDLING YOU IN THE SOFTEST BLANKETS AND GIVING YOU A FOREHEAD KISS

i’m so excited for unreal unearth like honestly it’s my pride and joy, i’m so pleased with how my beast!dazai characterization has come out so far and i’m hoping everyone else is going to like it too 🥹 if not ill simply die HAHAH JK JK JK no but really i’m so very excited for it