#it literally started as a joke bc I knew it would never happen

[sophiebaek]

[pankomako]

sometimes i think about interactions boat and i have had and things he's said to/about me over the years and it makes me feel as though i must occupy some little space in his heart. like i live in his mind rent-free the way he does for me, although not nearly to the same extent lmao.

speak of the goddamn devil i just got a steam notification he's playing tf2

anyway i never thought i'd have that kind of effect on a person, much less my favorite content creator. but it sure appears to be that way, and idk. it makes me feel special. warms my heart n all that :)

[runningfrom2am]

cold nights // part fifteen

summary: you showed him colours he knows he can't see with anyone else.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 3.1k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, r is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n: another happy birthday post for @that-veela-girl bc i love her and thank you so so much for supporting me and reading my stuff and helping me with it too AH it just means so much to me!!

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist

You didn't talk about a single important thing in the hour that followed. You had changed into more comfortable day clothes, something Coryo instantly thought made you look more like yourself, and somehow made your way outside onto the back porch swing.

"Did you win your prize?" You ask, staring out over the meadow behind your home as you gently rock the bench back and forth with one foot on the ground.

"I did." He smiles, unable to take his eyes off of you. You catch him staring as you turn to look at him, an excited smile on your face.

"Did you really?" You grin, excitedly reaching out and placing your hands on his thigh, hoping that it wasn't a joke.

"I did, yeah." He confirms, chuckling. "Highbottom was very against it, but the odds weighed against him." Coryo shrugs.

"Oh, Coryo, that's wonderful. Congratulations." You pat his leg before removing your hands, retreating them to your own lap.

"I owe it all to you."

"Why is that, anyway?" You ask, eyes once again focussed on the wind forcing the grass this way and that. "I knew you needed people to like me, but you never told me why."

He lets out a breath while he delays his response. "Well... The task they gave us was to turn the tributes into something people could get attached to- something people wanted to watch." He explains. "You made it easy. I just needed to get people to see you for who you were. To see that you were worth watching. That you were special." He shrugs, looking down at his lap and picking at his nails. "It helped that Sejanus's family paid out the prize, I think." He chuckles.

"Ah." You nod, not wanting to think about it anymore but still glad you got answers. "Is he upset with me?"

"Sejanus?" Coryo asks and you hum. "No, not one bit." He promises.

"I-I mean..." You stammer, taking a deep breath. "About Marcus?"

"No." Coryo repeats, shaking his head. "He left before the games started, he didn't see what happened. I explained it to him before we even left the arena, though. He felt bad for even thinking for a moment you had done something wrong."

"You're sure?" You ask quietly, eyes brimming red as you look over at him. He nods. He wants to reach out and touch you, hold your hand, but he's unsure if that's even okay. Even after what happened the night before the games, now you were treating him very much as a friend. He didn't want to overwhelm you, so he would leave those questions for another day.

"Positive."

"You don't speak of your Dean favourably." You comment, wanting to change the subject. "Why? He was very good to me."

"You met him?"

"He saw me off at the train station." You nod. "Gave me some cash, promised me that compact would make it back to you."

"Oh..." He mumbles. "He just has some vendetta against me. I don't know why."

"I see." You nod. "That makes sense... He told me that I was lucky I survived you. It was odd."

Coryo chews the inside of his cheek, and it was his turn to look out over the scenery while you watched him. "He's always hated me. I've done nothing to him."

"I did not think you would." You defend quickly, the air becoming thick around you. You answered too promptly- he would know that you were afraid. Maybe think you were lying. Even as he sat next to you, smiling more than you had ever seen him do it before, you couldn't look at him the same.

Coryo can sense that you still don't want to talk about the games in any major capacity, and it was in his best interest to not bring up Bobbin, so he changes the subject. "Your cat is adorable, by the way." He can tell that makes you comfortable enough to relax again. He missed you looking at him.

"Isn't he?" You smile, shifting your gaze from him to the back door, hoping to catch a glimpse of your pet in the small window. "He's a sweetheart."

"I'm just glad he didn't attack me." Coryo jokes.

"What?" You laugh. "Why would he?"

"I don't know! I've never had a pet. They scare me a little."

"Oh, Coriolanus Snow is afraid of a cat?" You tease him. "I didn't know that about you."

"Y/N! Lucy Gray is here!" Your mother calls from inside the house and you're quickly distracted, clumsily standing up from the bench, leaving it swinging unsteadily underneath him.

"Coming!" You call out, grabbing his hand to pull him up with you. "You must meet her, she's my best friend. If you think I'm good company you'll see she's all the better."

"I've met her." He replies, allowing you to pull him up from the bench anyway.

"You have?" You ask, brow furrowed.

"Yeah, she helped Sejanus and I find you."

"Sejanus is here?" You smile wide and he nods, a little confused.

"Yeah, he came with-" He doesn't even finish his sentence before you're moving quickly into the house and to the living room where your mother had let them in, leaving the door swinging open behind you.

"Sejanus!" You call out as you see him, almost tackling him in a hug- armed with the confidence in Coryo's honesty that he didn't hate you.

He laughs, catching you in his arms. "Y/N, it's so good to see you..."

Coryo chews on the inside of his cheek as he follows you in. He wasn't met with a hug, or near the same amount of excitement. Maybe he underestimated how close you and Sejanus had become while he was stuck in the hospital ward after the bombing.

He can see the three, evenly distributed scars on the back of your leg. Healing, but still bruised all this time later. He wonders if it still hurts.

"How I have missed you- how are you doing?" You grin, pulling away from the hug and running your hands up and down Sejanus's arms.

"I'm pretty good! I've always wanted to see Twelve, so now I finally had a good excuse." He jokes, looking down at you. "How are you, though? That's much more important."

Coryo takes a moment to notice Lucy Gray staring at him. "I take it your hello didn't look like that?" She whispers, forcing him to relax his facial expression to hide any disdain.

"It did." He lies.

"Oh! My mistake then." She replies, clearly not buying it.

He thought you were treating him like a friend, but if this is how you treated friends, he obviously did not meet the mark.

"We found you guys a place to stay." Lucy Gray continues, watching you and Sejanus chat.

"Thank you." Coryo nods at her, but he's still watching you, eyes taking up and down your body, your hair, your skin- but always finding a home on your injured calf.

"Yeah, of course." She hums, arms crossed over her chest. "She'll come around, you know."

You turn, finally ready to greet Lucy Gray. "I'm sorry, I didn't even say hello to you." You giggle, giving her a gentle, less urgent hug.

"That's quite alright, Y/N/N. You see me every day." She laughs, gently rubbing your back.

"And it still doesn't feel like enough." You respond.

"I agree." She hums, pulling away and holding onto your shoulders as you smile at her. Lucy Gray is the only one who knows what you're going through, the only one besides Lennox who knows what your nightmares are like, to have you cry with your head in her lap in her backyard or even at the lake where you used to share the best days of your lives. You felt like you ruined it all, but you felt seen with her. Always.

"Lucy Gray found us a place to stay for the month." Sejanus tells his friend.

"I heard." He mumbles, fighting back the green monster bellowing behind his eyes.

"Yes! Right, I'll get you guys there and settled. I'm sure Y/N is just dying for her afternoon nap." Lucy Gray says, gently squeezing your shoulders. You nod. Even though your visit with Coryo was pleasant, it still placed a weight just behind your ribs you couldn't describe. You needed a break, and your best friend could see it.

"Yes, well, can't get enough of my bed these days..." You joke, but it doesn't come out as lighthearted as you intended, all context considered. You clear your throat. "We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep."

"Certainly." Lucy Gray smiles, pulling you into a quick side hug.

Coryo watches, avoiding reacting to what he saw happening in front of him. With your mother, and now with Lucy Gray. No one here, apparently, just hums in confusion or looks at you funny when you say something that hardly makes sense. They know you. They understand every word; or at least they pretend they do. They answer accordingly, like it was just a normal bit of conversation. There was no one else quite like you, and he was lucky to get to hear it. He knew that, but they knew it first. By the time the games had started, by the time you won and left, Coriolanus had started picking up the habit as well. You weren't entertainment, leaving something to question after every conversation, it was you. All you. And he loved you for it.

"How long will you be here?" You ask, returning your attention to him now. Finally.

"A month." Coryo answers promptly, smiling at you. At first, he thought a month was a long time until the next train left, but now, it didn't feel like nearly enough.

"Wonderful!" You smile, clapping excitedly. "So I will most definitely see you again."

"It's you I'm here to see." He grins, a pink flush spreading on his cheeks.

It matches yours almost perfectly. "Good." You nod. "I'm glad." You almost choke over the words and hope he doesn't notice.

"That reminds me! Lucy Gray's show tonight, are you going?" Sejanus asks you and you glance nervously over at her. It seems to Coryo that his friend was too eager to engulf himself in local culture, when they were supposed to be there to see you.

"Oh, you guys are certainly welcome but..." She looks back at you as she speaks, silently communicating with you on the best way to say this. You just nod. You trust her to speak for you. "Y/N typically doesn't come. It's nothin' new to her, any of my music she wants to hear I can sing for her anytime." She smiles.

"Coryo?" Sejanus asks him now, and he looks at you the same way you looked at Lucy Gray.

You sense his hesitation. Clearly, he will only go if you do. "You know what? I wasted time, and now doth time waste me. I'll come."

Lucy Gray looks surprised, but very pleased. "You will?"

"Sure, why not." She knows why not, but she won't dig any deeper into it in front of the boys.

"Alrighty then! We better get going, I've left rehearsals for long enough. The Covey is probably out searchin' by now." Lucy Gray says, waving the boys to pass her to get to the door.

"Are you sure?" She whispers to you once they cannot hear. "Don't feel pressured."

"I want to spend time with them." You whisper back. "I'll be fine."

She nods, a look of worry in her eyes as she hugs you again.

"Coryo?" You call as you pull away, walking past her to get to the front entrance of your small home.

His head whips up at your voice calling his name, looking at you expectantly. "Will you..." You start, and Coryo watches closely as you begin wringing your hands together in front of yourself.

Yes. Whatever you need, yes.

"If it's not too much trouble, can you come get me before you go? I don't like to walk at night..."

"Of course." He answers without hesitation. "I'll be back later, then."

"Thank you." You smile, cheeks red from the embarrassing question. "I'll see you guys tonight."

You had your so desired afternoon nap after that. Your mom came and laid in bed with you, gushing over how Coriolanus was such a good guest. A kind soul, she said. She could see it in his eyes, apparently, and hear it in the way he spoke about you. You wanted to believe her, but you really weren't sure.

You couldn't help but see him differently after he killed Bobbin. It wasn't necessarily that he killed him, it was the overkill that really haunted you. That last swing after the threat was so clearly subdued. He didn't look like himself anymore. It kept you up at night- and when it didn't, it was a frequent event in your nightmares.

You woke with a jolt from your nap, picturing your mentor standing over you with his blond curls falling over his eyes. You had a hand out to try protect yourself as you slid back across the cold, cemented ground of the arena. This was a common nightmare you had since you returned.

So when you got home from work only to see him standing in your living room, with your mother who knew nothing but the good things about him, you could have cried. Screamed. You thought for a moment that maybe you were sleeping and the dreams had adapted into something worse, but no. He was there. And he was kind, and so happy to see you that the boy you spent most nights remembering seemed incredibly unlikely to exist. When you looked into his eyes, as he silently begged you not to run, he was just Coryo.

Quick footsteps in the hallway turn your attention to the door. "You alright?" Your brother asks, hand braced on the frame to stop himself as if he had been moving too quickly to do it on his own.

"I'm fine." You nod, taking a deep breath and swallowing back your fear again.

Worried, Lennox looks back down the hall before coming into your room, closing the door behind himself. You move over in your shared bed, giving him his spot back as he slides in next to you.

"Nightmare?" He asks quietly, laying on his side to face you.

You just nod.

"Was it... about him?"

You want to lie. Tell him that no, it was just the games in general, but you knew he wouldn't buy it. Not after answering the door to see the boy whose name you mumbled in your sleep, begging for mercy standing in front of him.

That was the reason you had to tell your brother in the first place.

"No, I- Coryo, please..." Your brother hears you shifting under the blanket next to him, watching as Tybalt's ears perk up from your feet. "Please... Don't!"

"Y/N?" He mumbles, rolling over. "You okay?"

Then he realizes as he sees your eyes scrunched shut that you're still asleep. Nightmares he had dealt with for almost a week now, but tonight was the first night your mother didn't insist on sleeping in the room with you, leaving him on the floor while she took his spot. He had a suspicion that your dad was doing the same, just outside the door. But this was the first time you spoke.

"Y/N." He sits up, grabbing your shoulder to try and shake you awake. "Wake up. It's just a nightmare."

You sit up so fast it makes him jump back, the scream that fell from your lips made his heart race even faster. "Y/N?" He asks, quickly crawling back into the bed and trying to touch you, help you, but you're pushing yourself back against the wall, grasping at the sheets as you looked around. It takes you a moment to realize where you are- home. Safe.

Your brother turns his head as your parents come rushing in to comfort you. He doesn't say anything about you talking until you finally settle them enough with your calming smile, assuring them that you're fine and they should go back to bed. That they needed their sleep, while your own cheeks were still red and stained with tears.

He doesn't say a word until he's sure he's heard them go back to bed, staring at you as you lay back down under your quilt and your chest is still rising and falling so fast he's wondering how you're even getting any oxygen to your blood.

"You were talking to him." Lennox whispers, and you just turn your head to look at him.

"I'm sorry." You whisper, voice still hoarse from the scream.

"What did he do to you?" By now, Coriolanus Snow or "Coryo", was a common name in your household. You only spoke of him favourably this last week you'd been home and even before that. That he helped you, saved you.

"Nothing, bud. It was just a dream." Now you're hushing him, reaching over and pulling the blanket up over his shoulder.

You can tell your brother doesn't believe you, but he doesn't know how to ask. What to ask, how to go about it without setting you off or hearing an answer that makes his blood boil so intensely that he jumps on the next Capitol bound freight train to do something you would never forgive him for.

"He didn't hurt me. I promise." You whisper again, sensing his fear. "I just..." You cut yourself off with a sigh. "Can you keep a secret?"

"You know I can." He promises.

You nod, small smile falling on your lips that's illuminated only by the moonlight streaming through the window. "Do you remember that boy from District Eight? Bobbin?" You whisper and he nods, hanging on every word.

"I watched Coriolanus kill him." You continue, assessing his reaction; confusion and shock settling in all at once. "And it was... Scary. He was already dead, but he hit him again and the look in his eyes I-..." You slightly shake your head. "It wasn't him. That was the last time I saw him. Coryo, I mean."

"How'd he get in?" Your brother whispers. "What was he doing?" It's all he could think to ask. Maybe he had gone to try and save you- to break you out. If you had told him that an hour ago, he would have believed it based on how you spoke about him.

"Sejanus, my other friend, snuck in. He brought bread to scatter over his tribute, and Coryo had to get him out safe." You explain. "He did, but not until after..." You sniff, wiping your eyes with the sheet.

"It's like you didn't know him." Your brother says, fully understanding.

"Yeah." You reply quietly. Lennox had always understood you. "I don't know if he was ever really my friend. If he's not the person I thought he was."

"I'm sorry." Your brother settles on.

"Nature teaches beasts to know their friends."

"You are not a beast." He whispers, brow furrowed.

You smile sadly at him. "You should get back to sleep."

"Yeah." You whisper, looking away and out the window at the sun beginning to set. Coryo would be here soon, and suddenly you were regretting agreeing to go out at all. "It was about him."

taglist: @soulessjourney , @that-veela-girl ,  @dreamyysouls, @rockstarbfs , @maysileeewrites , @baybieruth , @kitscutie ,  @fratboyharrysgf0201 , @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @drewsandsebastianswife , @niicole-87 , @queenofshinigamis , @innercreationflower , @nallasstuff , @scorpiolystoned , @iovemoonyy , @thatmarvelchick19 , @wearemadeofstardust0 , @regulusblackcore , @puredreamagination , @fantasticchaosthing , @becauseseaotters , @secretsicanthideanymore

okay suddenly tumblr isn't letting me tag more people than this so i just made some cuts unfortunately :') i just left the max amount of people i could whose users i recognized and see in my notifs all the time :) if you're not on here and you should be i'm so sorry!

also this taglist is closed now!! if you’d like to get a notification when i update, turn on my post notifications!! i promise i won’t spam y'all :,)

[inchidentally]

ok so I haven't done an insane and pointless landoscar post in a while so !!

I blurted most of this to @mecachrome and needed to like ground myself abt it but like.

Lando allowing himself to oscillate between extremes of Taking Your Affection For Granted/Being an Absolute Menace and Please Look at Me/Please Tell Me I'm Important to You is smth we only see him do w very very specific people. he's got to feel very secure that their attention and patience w him go hand in hand. namely we know of Max F, Jon, some of Lando's karting friends, and now Oscar. with literally everyone else he makes an effort to soften or balance himself and fit their energy (which tbh is how most of us are w friends and colleagues). but Lando is not Just Anyone and Not Just Some Guy so there's a special extra sector of friendship and affection there to be achieved if someone has the desire to.

and somehow to me it's like, Lando realizing so early on that Oscar really really really knew him and then gradually realizing that Oscar was continuing to study and learn him, it basically jumped his feeling of safety around Oscar to a degree he normally only feels around ppl he's known for a very long time.

and that a peruse through these two tags it becomes clear that Lando feels secure in putting Oscar through the paces of Lando's least happy and amenable moods possible. bc !! Oscar just smiles through it and doesn't get offended and almost sort of pushes through it as if to say you're not going to annoy me away mate, I've decided we're friends and that's it.

bc it's a test he knows Lando does when he's decided you're a Safe Person. like in Bahrain and Lando jokingly goes ugh! hi Oscar! and IMMEDIATELY switches to Osc bc he's in a Mood about having to discuss Bahrain as if they possibly could've learned much about the car yet and there's nothing rly to discuss but he doesn't want to take it out on Oscar … and then ! Oscar sees the pout on Lando's face, ignores everyone else and does this lean in and starts teasing Lando abt the repetitive questions they're being asked ! and Lando ! breaks out into this big smile and his mood just lifts !! bc Oscar knows exactly what to do !

and somehow that's all tied into how insanely clingy they both were at the start of the season and Lando esp was going a bit crazy with posting and reposting and commenting on content with Oscar or him and Oscar and how he felt this need to explain to Oscar why he went to see Daniel and not him bc wowwww he rly missed Oscar and the way Oscar just watches him and laughs at all his jokes and doesn't ask Lando to Be Anything Other than Himself bc Oscar takes the good and the bad bc it's Lando! Oscar had folded Lando into his life long before they even knew they'd be teammates!

which parallels the end of season video in Abu Dhabi or the Saudi post race video 'Straya Mate' and Lando is about to jump out of his skin to get Oscar to look at him !! and in those moments Oscar is a combination of tired and rly not enjoying media but Lando canNOT HANDLE when Oscar isn't watching him and Oscar seems sort of fed up with cameras so he STARES at Oscar's face and wriggles around and builds up to jokes bc he just needs to see himself having that effect on Oscar! and Oscar never lets him squirm for long and caves in to any joke Lando makes no matter how bad. and all of that fits so much w the sort of "soft dom" moments where ultimately, Lando views Oscar as one of the few people in his life who will Take Care of Him and who Knows What Lando Needs. but also !! it's a return of what Oscar does for Lando!

bc we've all seen him be like this w Max F and Jon and how no matter what flavor of Lando gets thrown at them - sweet or sour - they know just how he works and would never ever betray that level of trust by getting bored or disinterested or fed up with him. Max definitely has the most ability to scold Lando to order but tbh that happens v rarely and mostly he just mutters to himself or the camera and totally folds to Lando anyway.

but the difference is that Lando has years of proof on his side w Max and Jon and the other ppl he feels like this with. Oscar however is still a New Friend and he's got this whole settled, grown up life outside racing and Lando's relying a whole lot on the degree of commitment to McLaren that Oscar has shown again and again. they have friends in common and a drift compatible bond as teammates but they don't broadcast their interactions like most drivers do w other drivers so who knows how much Oscar has integrated in Lando's life outside of that? and I can only imagine Lando does NOT cope well with losing people he's brought into that degree of trust even tho from what we know he's never had that happen. but Oscar is so self-contained and reserved about the deeper parts of his personality so all of us sure can't say exactly how he'd react to him or Lando going to another team and you wonder how much Lando does ??

and godddd then we got this little glimpse into their natural dynamic and I end up finding myself hoping especially for Lando's sake that their friendship keeps getting stronger over the years they both know they have for sure together bc it's feels v safe to say that Oscar being someone else's teammate and not being Right There throughout the season would not be good for Lando !! </3

*obligatory reminder that I write these posts purely for fun and no I do not hinge any of my happiness in life on two men in racey cars - bc some ppl cannot tell what fandom is for and think everyone's deadly serious

[ask-frater-imperator]

// now that I'm able to post spoilers, here's my thoughts on rite here rite now a few hours after I saw it.

First: a little context.

I went with my mother, my ghestie and my best friend who knew nothing about ghost besides the ranting she heard from me weekly.

They will probably be seeing this- so I'm not going to expose their accounts or anything.

With that, here were my thoughts:

.

The post credit scene and mummy dust is just

Implanted into my head now

Mummy dust bc me and my friends went batshit crazy hearing and watching it

I LITERALLY PREDICTED KISS THE GO-GOAT

I'm like "oh yeah they better do kiss the go-goat I need to see that live." THEN THE INTRO STARTS

I had my ghestie friend and another of my friend that had no idea of any of the ghost lore

But

WE CONVERTED HER!! /j

I really hope they make a DVD version or something bc i would sell my soul for it

I'm kinda disappointed they didn't use the boxer fit for anything much..

TOBIAS THREW US FOR A LOOP BC WTF

We all saw copia get on the hot air balloon and is like WAIT WAIT FUCK. NO. NO. and then he wakes up

Seeing his mother die

Also if the new guy isn't terzo I

I may just die

Bc

WHO ARE THEY GONNA PULL OUT THEIR ASS AGAIN JUST LIKE

OH YEAH THEY EXIST NOW

NO WONDER TOBIAS SAID NONE OF THE OTHER PAPAS MATTER, MF COPIA IS THE HEAD OF THE MINISTRY NOW-

When the post credit ended everyone in the theater was like please wait, no-

AND ALL YELLED IN ANGER

honestly so funny and ppl were so nice

I don't like I've ever met a rude ghost fan tbh AND I DONT PLAN ON IT!!!

.

And my thoughts after reading it again:

I honestly don't mind if the new papa isn't terzo, Yes, his album is my favorite with many good songs, but if the theory isn't right then oh well

There is a confirmed DVD and digital release. Just no idea when I will be getting the DVD, and I will be passing it down for generations to see/j

Me, my ghestie and my clueless friend were all holding hands for at least 3/4th of the movie, the reason I will remember mummy dust the most is because me and my ghesite went feral.. and my other friend was, well, clueless. TOBIAS LET MARY GOORE THE FUCK OUT. FINALLY!!!

The shirt I wore was literally copia being crucified with a crown of thorns, I WAS EXPECTING HIM TO DIE. but, I am very glad he didn't, I'm honestly stoked because now he does have the power he wanted, and I can totally rp that..

(The shirt I wore)

When mummy dust was done, we were all simping for copia.. (pls dont judge us. We are just little guys../j)

I had to hold back a scream when the mummy dust solo started, I love the ghoulettes..

I was so sad when copia was like: "no, no, no encore." Bc I really wanted to hear kiss the go-goat (it was one of my favorites when I first got into ghost)

THEN RAIN SPOKE. IM SORRY??!?!

Then I said over to my friends something like: "Yeah, i need them to do an encore.. NEED to hear, kiss the go-goat live, or I will sob." And of course, THE INTRO TO KISS THE GO-GOAT STARTED. Me and my friends and I just lit up with joy, trying not to cry from what I had just said and what happened.

I remember Square Hammer and the midair splits. The whole theater gasped at the same time. At that point, I was in tears for the 273673rd time. I saw copia do the pose he was meant to, and cried even more.

He went to the hot-air balloon, and everyone was silent. We all saw him wake up, and then sister on the floor.

I remember my friend (clueless one) commenting about copias dramatic crying over sisters' bodies. "Oh yeah, that guy knows how to act!" Joking in a good way, I laughed through my tears.

I don't remember when, but when Copia talked about taint tickling, she audibly, but quietly gasped and whispered something as I just nodded.

MARY ON A CROSS WAS BEAUTIFUL. THERE IS NO DENYING THE SCOOBY-DOO CHASE MUSIC NOW!!

It felt like you were there in the audience, like you were right there in the pit. I'm so glad that this movie is making so much in box offices. It was like an unholy experience I will never forget.

[my-castles-crumbling]

sorry to bother but omg i just have to rant about this because it sucks

I just moved to a new school (like new country so I don't know anyone or anything) and there's this kid and from what I heard from other people (i never got to talk to them so idk preferred pronouns or anything so i'm gonna just use them) their trans.

and it sucks bc the entire grade (like including the group that i've been hanging out with) made fun of them. Like on girl called them "the girlboy" and like people made fun of them for using the boys bathrooms. I heard last week that they left the school because so many people were making fun of them and that's just horrible right? like what the fuck is wrong with people.

And now I (who has been questioning my gender for like 2 fucking years and thought this year would be a new start) can't experiment with my pronouns. because everybody here is shitty. I was the one who sent in the ask about the 3 guys being absolutley shocked that I was gay btw. I didn't say it in the last ask because it happened a few days after but I was talking to this girl who's in a different grade. we're friends from a club we both do. anyway i was talking to her before the class i had with the 3 guys and I walk to where they are bc one of my friends is there and we were all waiting for the teacher and he was like

"she's so weird, the girl you were talking to"

and i realised that i think they associate queer with weird if that makes sense. like the person i was talking to looks queer (and they are) and I think that's why he thinks she's weird because he has literally never had a conversation with her once in his life. so i think the reason they didn't think i was gay is because i don't look "weird" to them.

anyway it just sucks because when i was first moving here i hoped i could have a friendgroup that i could be more open about experiementing my gender with? if that makes sense? at my old school i was really open about being gay but my friends were a bit weird about that so i never told them. I have one friend tho and she' honestly my favorite person can i rant about her for a second? i'm going to anyway

She has tumblr too and when i first told her about it was around the same time she convinced me to get tumblr so she wanted to tall people to look for my account and i just had 1 conversation with her about how i was questioning stuff and it was a while before that and she asked me like "hey is she ok for the post i was gonna make or qould you prefer he or they? or something else?" and i was like "would they be ok?" and she was like "ofc" that was the first time that anyone's used they/them for me actually

and this might be bc she's bi but she was my only friend there who wasn't weird about me being gay. even before she started identifying as bi. like most of my friends would make off hand comments and tell everyone they knew i was gay and she was just chill. she laughed at my jokes (and now makes jokes with me).

she's also just like literally the best person ever like the first day of my new school i couldn't find my class and i was about to cry bc i was so overwhelmed and i texted her and she made me laugh and helped me calm down and gave me ideas of what to do and helped me find my class even tho she wasn't even in the same fucking country

all this to say people at my school are dicks and i miss my friend and i can't try out new pronouns in person bc people at my school are dicks

Thank you so much for reading (if you did) sorry for ranting

Hi!

Please don't apologize for ranting, I completely understand why you're upset. I'm glad you at least have one friend who is great (I wish she was at your school)! Does your school have a Gay-Straight Alliance or anything you could go to, to see if there are other people who are queer that you might not be aware of?

Naming you convinced anon!

[pumpkinsy0]

papercut brokeback mountain au hcs. perhaps. Maybe. 🙂🧍

ive never watched brokeback mountain,,,,but ik ENOUGH to know that if i ever find out who u r,,,u will b dealt w,,,swiftly,,,,,

•BEFORE WE GET ALL ANGSTY, can i say that before i rlly knew of the plot,,,i thought brokeback mountain was like,,,,a sex joke,,,im not even trying to b funny, i rlly, truly thought it was, but it doesnt matter bc i can say that curly would b making jokes about it anyways and ponys sick of it

•i think its fitting to say curlys jack and ponys ennis, and i say that bc like i said, curly doesnt care who hes doin and to a degree pony doesnt????but he cares more so about what ppl think, and curlys not rlly like that

•idk exactly how it happens in the movie, but maybe instead of them just like being adults all throughout most of it, its more so like a “u see them grow up and get closer” thing, it started out as a summer job and every summer they were excited to see each other every summer and kept in touch over the course of the year till they saw each other again, but it is mostly about them in their 30s or 40s, middle aged papercut gets a rare appearance

•this also means that curlys teasing pony for his name, a cowboy w the name pony???, curly def had a few things to say bout that one, in return pony teased curly about his last name being shepard considering they were dealing w sheep

•when it comes to pony and him being afraid to show himself, i think that would piss curly off a lot more, bc pony would reciprocate and then other times literally push him away, and curly hated how “complicated ur making this”, its even worse bc pony does in fact have a way w words and curly wont 100% admit it but it makes him feel special so for pony to like him one minute then push him away the next???yea hes goin through it

•w the postcards theyd send each other, this is gay as hell, but im a sucker for indirect kissing w papercut, so maybe they kiss their postcard before they send it off

•pony would even draw curly and let curly keep em and he’d have a lil note at the bottom w it, this is a cruel world we live in just let them kiss in a deli store💔💔

•they swap hats and coats a lot, the coats dont fit, but thats ok, it still smells like em so they keep it

•honestly for this au, id say its a mix of curlys parents being homophobic and pony being scared to b out w it, everyone else knows just, doesnt say anything, kind of like a dirty secret?????

•instead of saying i love u, they just say “i swear”

•what if nothing bad happened and we were all SUPER just say that pony and curly accidentally got into lavender marriages and their wives r rlly just gfs and pony and curly r bfs hahahah, but nobody says anything (im gonna lose my marbles)

•if we wanna go the “one of them dies” route (i hate u deeply) instead of what happened w the ashes, lets say that years ago, they had one of those “when i die, i wanna b a _____” OR the other always just say em as a certain animal, and when they die, everytime they see that animal, they thing if them!!! think of like,,,red dead redemption w that buck and coyote when it comes to arthur morgan

[sturnwrld]

Study date🫶 C.S.

Warnings: smutt, use of princess and y/n. a bit of fluff at the end.

a/n: heyy babes, so this is my first fic. (requested) Please give me tips so i can improve. Also English isn't my first language so sorry if there are some spelling or grammar mistakes. Please don't be to harsh I'm soo fucking insecure about thiss bc I'm still getting comfortable with smut. anyways hope you enjoy and please give me feedback on what should i change in the future.<33

You have always been good at school, on top of your class. People usually come up to you and ask you for help with math or whatever it is. You were always shy and introverted, never went to parties which is why you probably didn't have a boyfriend. It's not that you didn't want one, you just never met the right one. 

You have been tutoring Chris for a few months now, his grades have been getting better. You two are total opposites. He's social, has a lot of friends, always with a different girl.... But you, you weren't like that. You weren't sure about tutoring him at first, but now you two have even become friends. 

 Today was like any other, Chris came over for our usual study date ‘’so what don’t you understand here?'' i asked him ''literally nothing y/n.'' he said ''okay... well first-'' he interrupted me ''hey y/n, can I ask you something?'' ''yeah of course'' I mumbled looking up from the paper. ''are you a virgin?'' he said looking into my eyes. ''um.. yeah, why?'' I replied a little embarrassed, I could feel my cheeks turning red. I liked him for a while now, but honestly, I though I didn't have a shot, I mean why would he like me? ''but why, why don't you do it?'' his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. ''I don't know, I guess I didn't have anyone to do it with.'' I said quietly, looking down. ''you're joking y/n, any guy would be lucky to have you, you're so smart, and so pretty.. I just don't get it..'' ''you think I'm pretty?'' my head shot up, I was surprised. I mean I knew I wasn't ugly, I'd say I was an average nerd who happened to look good from time to time.

''yes I do. you drive me crazy y/n.'' he started leaning in. I stopped him ''um.. Chris I-'' he backed off ''I'm so sorry y/n, I don't know what I was thinking.'' he said covering his eyes with his hands. ''no, no, it's okay. I want to, just I-I haven't done this before either.'' he hesitated for a moment before he said ''that's okay, don't worry.'' he said before attaching his lips onto mine.

The kiss was soft, his hand was cupping my cheek and the other one was on my waist. after a few seconds his tongue grazed my bottom lip, as I sign for me to open my mouth. Our tongues were in sync, he started kissing me hungrily. I needed him. I started puling slightly on the bottom of his shirt, he took the hint and took his shirt of. God he was hot. After a while I started taking of my clothes too.

He was on top of me in just his boxers, he went to reach to unclip my bra before he said ''we don't have to, if you don't want to y/n it's totally fine.'' looking into my eyes ''I do, I do, just please be gentle.'' and with now my full consent he kissed me and unclipped my bra with a swift motion ’’you’re so beautiful y/n’’. ''touch me Chris, please.'' I said whining, my dripping core was desperate for him. He dragged his hand to the waistband of my panties after pushing his hand further down gently ''so wet for me princess'' he said while nibbling on my neck earning a small moan from me. he was rubbing my clit when he slipped one finger in, I gasped to the feeling. ''oh god-so tight baby''  he started kissing down my body looking at me the whole time, he was driving me wild. he took of my panties and started kissing and licking the inside of my thighs, he licked a long stripe from the bottom to the top of my dripping pussy. He this time pushed two fingers inside of me, curling them hitting my g-spot. he came back up to kiss me I could feel his bulge on my stomach. ''f-fuck me c-chris pleasee, oh fuck'' I could barely spit it out. ''so needy princess'' and with that he takes off his boxers and aligns himself with my entrance slowly pushing in.

I dig my nails in his back to the feeling of him stretching me out. he lets out a groan ''fuck..'' he mumbled under his breath. After he's all the way in he stops and lets me adjust to his size, he looks at me for permission to move ''you can move'' the pain turned to pleasure in seconds. ’’oh fuckk yes’’ I was a moaning mess under him while he was whimpering and whispering things in my ear and constantly checking if I was okay. I could feel myself getting close ''chris i-i'm gonna cum''. ''let go all over my cock princess, come on'' his words sent me over the edge. Few seconds after I could feel him release inside of me.

He rolled over and we were both out of breath. ''are you okay, did you like it?'' he asked ''I loved it, it was amazing Chris, thank you'' I kissed him softly. he put his arm around me and kissed my forehead ''I wanted to do this for so long'' he chuckled. ''me too'' I said snuggling into him. ''would you maybe wanna go on like a real date, like without studying..'' he asked looking down at me making me smile. ''I would love to'' I said not being able to hide the smile from my face. after that we feel asleep cuddling. I couldn't imagine the better person to do this with. 

[buckysmischief]

shadow of mine [1/2]

druig x f!reader

wc: 2.6k

summary: druig was getting bored of babylon, he was ready to take on more adventures. but the shadows in his mind led him down a path, one he never dared to speak out loud (except for maybe to kingo)

an: inspired by the song shadow of mine. i've had this idea in my head for so long & a few suggestions reminded me of it and was inspired to finally write it out! i really hope y'all enjoy :)

also, thank you to @stuckonjbbarnes for literally all your encouragement throughout this whole writing process 💕

masterlist

570 BC

Babylon was getting boring, Druig didn’t understand why they were even still there. There hadn’t been a Deviant around this area in over a year, why weren’t they headed somewhere new? He thought the same thing everyday while walking through the market with Ajak’s voice echoing in his head, “When Arishem says we can go, that’s when we’ll go.”

Today though, today felt different. He didn’t know if it was good or bad, just that the air felt tingly and everything looked brighter. For a moment he thought about asking Kingo if he noticed anything different but decided not to, the last thing he needed was everyone else to start worrying about something that was probably nothing to begin with.

He actually made himself believe that everything was normal, that was until he started to smell.. something. It wasn’t anything he had ever smelled before, he knew that for a fact, yet it smelled like home - a home he had never known.

Druig followed the smell of what he could only described as cosmic just outside of the market area. You were bent down, back toward him, picking flowers. He didn’t know if he should say something or walk away, what would he say to you anyways?

Before he could decide you had turned around, meeting his gaze like you’ve known him his entire existence. “Hi, I’m Yn.”

“Druig..” he muttered, so unlike him. “You’re not from here are you?”

“No, just traveling. I’m not too sure where I’m going, just trying to find somewhere that feels like home.”

There that word was again, home. He didn’t even know what it meant anymore. The definition he once knew was wiped away, but he knew at that moment he would always think of you when he heard it again. “Babylon doesn’t feel like home?” 

“It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong..” you looked down at the flowers you had just picked and began to intertwine them, “but it just feels like a taste of what home is, what it could be. Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” he smiled, “it makes perfect sense. I think you’ve put into words what I could not, actually. Thank you. Um, how long are you-”

“-I actually have to go, my friends are leaving soon. But um, here.. I made you this.” He took the flower crown from you and put it on his head. “Take care of yourself Druig.”

The thought of never seeing you again sent a pang through his chest. His whole world was knocked off his axis and yet he had never felt more aligned. What was he supposed to do with that?

He could use his powers, but that didn’t feel right either. So he did the only thing he could, he brought your hand up to his lips and kissed it. “Safe travels, Yn. I hope to see you again one day.”

It was night time when Druig got back to the Domo, he never wanted to leave this place more than in that moment. Watching everyone sit around the table laughing together, having a good time.. It felt bittersweet. He thought about what would happen if he snuck away in the middle of the night. Would anyone come looking for him? Would Arishem step in? It didn’t matter, he couldn’t just leave.

So Druig did what he did best, he put on a smirk and made a joke at Ikaris’ expense. He’d unpack the day's events another time.

400 BC

Ikaris and Sersi’s wedding ended up being a huge celebration, the whole city celebrated in the streets. For hours laughter and joy filled the air and Druig couldn’t remember the last time he let himself enjoy the company around him.

He was sitting with Kingo and Makkari, watching Sprite illustrate some of the citizens' favorite stories. It was a position he had been in more than a few thousand times, he could probably tell all of the stories word for word in over a dozen languages at this point, and he loved it. Every bit of it, he loved it. 

Druig didn’t always like his fellow Eternals, and he definitely didn’t agree with how certain things were handled, but at the end of the day they were all each other truly had. He had his opinions of Ikaris and couldn’t quite understand how Sersi could stand to be with him, but he was happy for them and that they each found the person their soul called out to. He tried not to think about how loud his screamed.

“Hey, do you want to take a walk?” Kingo whispered to him. 

Normally Druig would have insisted on waiting until Sprite was done, but he needed some space. “Lead the way.”

He was following Kingo when a familiar scent filled the air, but he quickly wrote it off as a mix between the food, flowers, and sweat. Nevermind that he knew for a fact it was none of those things.

They were almost to the edge of the city when he noticed the stars had more of a sparkle to them, but the mead he had been drinking all night did that sometimes. If the air wasn’t so thick he could have sworn at any minute he’d see… you. “Yn?”

Kingo stopped and turned around. He had only ever heard that came come from Druig’s mouth one time over 100 years ago, “What?”

Druig blinked and you were gone. Except, you had been gone for years.. right?

“Druig,” Kingo looked worried for him, “is this all too much? You looked like you were 1,000 miles away back there and, well..”

“Spit it out, Kingo.”

“You said her name. You never say her name.” 

They were far enough from anyone that could hear, but Druig still didn’t feel like this was the place to talk about it. Truthfully, Druig didn’t want to talk about it at all. What good would it do? “I thought I saw her.”

Pity was written all over Kingo’s face and woven into his words, “Weddings always find a way to bring up old feelings. Maybe it was one of her descendants! That’s totally possible, yeah?”

Druig wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or not, even if that did make the most sense. “Is that what you brought me all this way for?”

“You just looked like you needed some air,” he confessed, “you started getting that glazed look over your eyes again.”

“Nah I’m fine, probably just had too much to drink. I appreciate the sentiment though.” 

When they got back Ikaris and Sersi were nowhere to be found and the celebration had started to settle down for the night. The others were all gathered together, ready to turn in for the night. Before Druig followed them he took one last glance around, he swore to himself he could still feel you near. He was disappointed but not surprised to never find you.

If only he had looked a little harder.

1329 AD

What happened the night of Ikaris and Sersi’s wedding happened again a few dozen more times in the last 1,700 years, it was beginning to drive Druig mad.

He wasn’t sure where they were exactly anymore, they had been all over South America the last few months hunting Deviants. It was just the distraction he needed, over the years he noticed that the only times he felt your presence was when they settled into a town. He tried describing your appearance to some of the townspeople but no one ever knew who you were. He also tried getting creative with his powers a few times but not only did it feel wrong, Ajak was never too far away reminding him that it wasn’t his place to meddle with humans. Even though she wasn’t sure about what he was doing she was still right, that also drove Druig mad.

But they hadn’t been near civilization for weeks, they had just been camping out in the forest. Something about travel, something about keeping people safe.. Druig wasn’t too sure anymore. All he knew was that him and a few others weren’t needed and he was going to take advantage of it.

Ajak and Sprite invited him to walk to town with him but he declined. Phastos stayed behind to work on his new invention, he told Druig he was more than welcome to stay and watch but that he needed to be able to concentrate. “I’m actually going to go for a swim, there's a lake not too far from here.”

He had been floating around for some time, literally soaking in all nature had to offer. It was something he always enjoyed doing when he needed to be alone, which wasn’t as often as you’d think considering he more or less lived with nine other people.

“Druig.” It was a whisper, but he had no idea which direction it came in.

He shot out of the water and began to dry off when he heard his name again. “Druuig, come find me.”

The voice sounded so familiar to him but he couldn’t quite place it. That didn’t matter, his clothes were back on in an instant and he ran to where it was coming from. He was running so fast he didn’t notice his fingertips tingling, how bright it was even though he was headed deeper and deeper into the forest where the coverage was thick, or even cosmic air he was breathing in. He just kept running towards his name. 

It had been a few minutes since he heard anything so he stopped for a breather and surveyed his surroundings; he had to be at least three, maybe five, miles from camp by now. There were no signs of any Deviants around, or people for that matter. Was Sprite pulling some kind of prank on him? “Sprite if this is you it’s not funny, I’m not in the mood for your games today.”

“I’m offended,” a voice came from behind him, your voice, “did you forget about me already?”

He turned around and just looked at you, still half convinced it was a cruel trick Sprite had been playing all along and this was the dramatic finale. Needing to know if this was real, he cupped your face in his hands and was delighted when you didn’t shimmer away. “It’s really you.. how?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, not right now.” You smiled, putting your hands over his. “I can’t stay long, but I’ll answer any question I can.”

That frustrated him to no end but he wasn’t going to waste whatever time he had with you, he released his hands from your face and began walking with you through the forest.

“It has been you I’ve been seeing all these years hasn’t it? So why now, and why all the way out here?” There were hundreds of questions to be asked, but those were the only one’s he could think of at the moment.

You grabbed one of his hands, stroking your thumb over his absentmindedly. “I was just checking on you, making sure a Deviant didn’t get you.”

“You know about Deviants?”

“Shhh, let me finish.” You laughed. Suddenly he had a favorite sound. “Like I was saying.. I just wanted to check in on you. As for why here and now, you’re never alone. Do you know how hard it was not to say anything before now? Ajak would immediately know who I am and.. I shouldn’t have even told you that.”

“Ajak? How do you know-? What are you?” He had never been more confused in his life.

You stopped walking, hand still in Druig’s, “You’re smart, you’ll figure it out. Just don’t tell anyone when you do, I’m not supposed to be here and that’ll raise a lot of questions. I can answer why your senses heighten when we’re near each other though, if you want.”

“Oh so that I can know?” He smirked, “Whenever you talk, I’ll listen. Doesn’t matter the topic.”

“We don’t have a word for it, but the humans here do. Soulmates. We’re connected by the cosmos in such a unique way, in a way that we were quite literally designed for each other. We’ve spent every life before this together.” You said it with ease, like it was something you had known and accepted for a while now. He mentally added it to the list of questions he wanted to ask you

You were right before, Druig was smart, but everything you had just said… he knew all of those words and what they meant, but not together. “What?”

Rain started falling through the trees, your sign that it was time to go. “I hate to leave you on that note, but I have to.”

“Wait, one more question.” He pleaded, “Please?”

You paused for a moment, gathering all the self control you had. “Okay one more, but then I really have to leave. Which just so you know, is really hard for me to do when you look at me like that.”

Druig was trying to hide a smile, happy to have another moment with you. No matter how fleeting they were. “If we were made for each other, why are we apart now?”

Your mood went from happy to anger in an instant. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out. The obvious answer is Arishem, but then the bigger question is why.”

There was a pause and Druig was going to take full advantage of you not leaving to ask another question, but instead a roar of thunder filled the air. “I really have to go, but I swear to you I will come back and tell you everything I know then. Okay?”

Druig felt like his entire world was being ripped to shreds, how were you just going to leave him after dropping that kind of information on him like that? Information he wasn’t even sure how to understand was possible. He wanted to go with you, everything else going on be damned. Unfortunately he knew that wasn’t a possibility, but he held onto what you said. “Everything?”

“Everything.” You kissed the corner of his mouth and started to back away, knowing you’d see him before he saw you.

It was very rare that Druig couldn’t find the right words to say, not like he had the time to. The rain had started coming down too hard he could barely see five feet in front of him, let alone wherever it was you disappeared to. All he hoped was that you were safe.

His thoughts raced the whole way back to camp. Deviants. Ajak. Soulmates. How did you know about all those things? How were you still alive? The answer was so obvious, but it couldn’t have been true, could it? 

Druig began questioning everything he’s ever known. He wanted to ask Ajak, she had to have some idea of what had just happened. Remembering your warning, he knew that it probably wasn’t a good idea.

The rain had let up by the time he was reunited with the others. Nothing felt the same anymore. If you were what he thought you were, how were you here? Did that mean one day he too would be free of Arishem and his restrictions? Whatever the case would be, Druig tried to find peace in knowing he’d see you again.

part two

[agaypanic]

Can I request alysssa from teotfw and it’s literally just the reader as James instead!! But the reader is ever so slightly more normal - literally go crazy I just thought that would be a cool idea!!

Two Girls and a Car (Alyssa Foley X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: You and Alyssa, two rebellious loners, find each other at school and decide to date. Her being sick of her new family and you tired of your boring life, you decide to steal your dad’s car and skip town.

A/N: teotfw but make it sapphic>>> couple things, 1: this is based off the first episode (im using a script teehee) where reader is james with less murderous tendencies. 2: idk how good this is gonna be bc i usually write in second person, but bc of the show being told in first person perspectives, this is written in first person but only from reader’s pov. 3: if you couldn’t tell from my derry girl fics (or any other non-american media i write), im american so i dont really know english lingo or anything that well. 4: this could be a two parter?? Or maybe a series??? Lmk what yall think

***

I’m Y/n.

I’m seventeen.

And I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with me. Like, really wrong.

When I was eight, I realized I didn’t have a sense of humor. At first, I thought that my dad was just the worst at jokes. And he is, probably. But nothing’s really amusing to me, and I don’t know why.

I’ve always wanted to punch my dad in the face. That seems like a problem, considering he’s my dad and all. But if you met him, you’d probably agree. Even if he looks all cheery and nice, he’s a bit of a prick.

When I was nine, my dad bought a deep-fat fryer he had seen on an American shopping channel. One day, I put my hand in it. I wanted to make myself feel something.

It worked, but only for a moment. Now I have a fucked up hand, all for a moment of feeling something.

I was in the cafeteria when I first met her. Alyssa. She was the new girl, and after shouting at her friends and smashing something on the ground, she made her way over to me. She stood right in front of me, staring me down.

“Hey.” I hear after taking off my headphones.

“Hey.”

“I’ve seen you skating.” I didn’t know how to respond. We stared at each other for a moment before she spoke again. “You’re pretty shit.”

“Fuck off.”

Alyssa was interesting, to say the least. After school, she found me again, sitting on a bench outside.

“Are you waiting for me?” She asked. I wasn’t; I just didn’t want to go home yet. But instead, I nodded, and she sat on the bench beside me.

The next thing I knew, we were making out. I didn’t really mind it. Alyssa was a bit of an aggressive kisser, but I had never really kissed anyone before, so I didn’t feel like complaining. 

I wonder if I could fall in love with Alyssa. Maybe not. But I could pretend.

She grabbed my hand and placed it on her boob, but then she pulled away.

“What happened to your hand?” Alyssa asked, gesturing to my fucked up hand that was on her tit. 

“Shut up.” I didn’t want to talk about it, and luckily, she didn’t feel like pressing. So I just switched hands, letting the messed up one grip at her sweater as we continued snogging. It was an okay way to pass the time, better than sitting at home. 

Eventually, we had to leave. So we just started walking. I don’t think either of us knew where we were going, so we just wandered down the middle of a vacant street. I would’ve ridden my skateboard, but apparently I was shit at it.

“I haven’t got a phone,” Alyssa said suddenly. 

“Okay.”

“I smashed it.” So that must’ve been what she’d thrown in the cafeteria today.

“Okay.” I could feel her look at me.

“Like, on purpose.” Did she want me to think she was crazy? Maybe she was, but I don’t think I had any room to judge her.

“Okay.” 

“So you can’t call me.” This time, she turned to me slightly as she spoke, like she was trying to invoke a reaction in me.

“That’s fine.” She seemed surprised that I had finally given a different response. “I don’t have a phone either.”

“Really?” Alyssa asked, turning to me again.

“Yeah. I hate them.” I didn’t see the point of them. Just like I didn’t see the point in this conversation. What did people in love talk about? “Wanna go on a date?”

***

She said yes. So I took her to a diner, one that was cheap but still looked nice and had decent food. But it didn’t last long. Alyssa had ordered a few things, and the waitress made a comment about how hungry she was. They both giggled, but Alyssa’s was more insincere.

“And an extra fucking spoon.” Alyssa finished off, setting the menu down. The waitress looked horrified.

“Excuse me?”

“For her,” Alyssa said, gesturing to me. I guess it was nice of her to think about me, but I didn’t feel like eating a banana split.

The waitress scoffed, closing her notepad.

“Sorry. You can’t use language like that. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to ask you and your friend to leave.”

“She’s my girlfriend.” Alyssa corrected.

“Fine, I’ll have to ask you and your girlfriend to leave.”

“Okay.” Her tone was mocking, and the waitress gave her a look. Alyssa sighed, seeming more sincere. “Okay, I’m sorry. Sorry.” The waitress seemed pleased, but that’s when it really went to shit. “I will have… a great big banana shit with extra fucking cherries all on top of it.”

“Right, yeah, that’s it. Marvin!” The waitress called back to the kitchen, where the only other person in this diner was. 

“Oh yeah!” Alyssa raised her voice, staring the woman down. “Go get Marvin! See if Marvin can make a banana split for me, you fucking cunt!” Then she grabbed her things and stormed out of the diner, slamming the door behind her. 

It was clear that Alyssa had a short fuse.

“Sorry about her,” I said. The waitress and I stared at each other for a minute before I grabbed my board and left. Alyssa was stomping down the street, so I used my skateboard to catch up. She had her usual deadpan expression when I got to her. “...You okay?”

“Shut up.” I didn’t feel like arguing. “God, I think we live in the most boring town on the planet.”

“Probably.”

“Everyone’s so fucking square.” She said with a huff. Then she looked at me. “Are you boring too?”

Probably.

“No.” 

We walked for a bit before Alyssa spoke again.

“Can we go to your house?”

***

I said yes. When we got to my place, Alyssa said my house was weird and had too many windows. I didn’t really notice until she brought it up. 

Alyssa likes to touch and grab things. I guess looking at it wasn’t enough for her, but it was starting to get on my nerves a bit.

“Is this your mum?” She asked, holding up a picture.

“Yeah.” I didn’t have to look at the photo to know it was her. I didn’t like looking at pictures of my mum anymore. “She lives in Japan.” She doesn’t.

“Cool.” Alyssa stared at the picture for a moment. “You look like her.”

I felt stiff after that. Alyssa didn’t seem to notice, and if she did, she didn’t care enough to mention it.

Then the front door opened, and I felt even stiffer.

“Fuck.” I muttered. This day was shit. Before Alyssa could ask what was wrong, my dad’s voice bellowed from the hallway.

“The hunter has returned!”

When he saw Alyssa, he insisted on us sitting down for a cup of tea so we could all chat. I couldn’t remember the last time I sat down and had a chat with my dad, but I definitely didn’t want to start now. Dad sat at the head of the table while Alyssa and I sat across from each other.

“Well, this is nice!” My dad said. I could feel the idiotic smile radiating off of him.

“What is?” Alyssa asked. 

“This. You two.” Dad gestured to the two of us. I drank my tea so I wouldn’t have to say anything. He let out a laugh. “What a relief! You know, I always thought there was something wrong with her.” This was a good reminder of why I didn’t talk to my dad. “I thought probably she’d never like anyone, or would even… Well, you know. Which is fine, obviously. But, here you are.”

“Maybe she doesn’t,” Alyssa suggested. She was a very blunt and confrontational person. Maybe it was a good thing we met. “Maybe she’s asexual. Maybe I’m just bi-curious.” Alyssa leaned back in her chair and took a sip of her tea. “We’re dealing with a really broad spectrum these days.”

We fell into an awkward silence after that. The only sounds made were drinking and the occasional sniffle. Eventually, my cup was empty, but I wasn’t about to stick around for another.

“Let’s go to my room,” I said abruptly, standing up. Alyssa was hot on my heels, clearly also wanting to get away. Dad said goodbye to us, but neither of us answered.

When we got to my room down the hall, I shut the door and opened the window. I climbed through it to sit on the roof, and Alyssa sat beside me. We stared out of the neighborhood and the setting sun for a while.

“Your dad’s a prick.”

“I know.” I sighed, laying down and crossing my arms and ankles. I felt like I could be honest with her, like she wouldn’t judge me for whatever I said. “Sometimes, I feel like punching him in the face.”

“You should definitely do that.” She responded, lying down with me.

If you looked past the slight brashness, Alyssa was sort of… Sweet.

“Have you ever eaten a pussy before?”

Sort of.

“A couple.” It was a lie, but she didn’t have to know that.

“I want you to eat mine.”

“Now?” I lifted my head and looked around the roof that we were lying on. “Here?”

“Tomorrow.” She rolled her eyes, but there seemed to be a hint of amusement on her face. “And not on your roof. I’ll be here at eleven.”

Alyssa got up and crawled back through the window. I would’ve walked her out, but I didn’t want to get up. Or see my dad again. 

But when I sat up again, she was down below on the pavement, walking away.

“Alyssa!” I called out. She turned around, squinting up to look at me. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Y/n.”

***

I was ready at ten. I needed time to prepare. I figured the best place to give Alyssa head would be my bedroom, but I had to be ready for anything. For all I knew, she’d lay herself down on the table where we had tea yesterday. She seemed like she’d do that, to get back at my dad or something.

When it turned eleven, I sat on the couch and waited. I quickly grew restless, and I didn’t know why. I took out my pocket knife, fiddling with it to pass the time. My dad had gotten it for me when I was about twelve. Said it was a good tool to have on you, that you’d never know when you’d need it. I didn’t exactly use it for intended purposes. Mainly carving up shit in the house when I was bored or pissed. Either my dad didn’t notice or just didn’t want to say anything about it.

When twelve came around, I started to think Alyssa might not be coming. That I did all that waiting for nothing.

But then, at half past one, someone started pounding on the door.

“Y/n!” It was Alyssa.

As I walked to the door, I put the knife back in my pocket. I wondered what had taken Alyssa so long. But when I opened the door, I didn’t even get a chance to ask. She walked past me into the house, tossing her jacket on the floor.

As she stomped off to the living room, she started to take off her shirt. I quickly shut the door and followed after her. I found Alyssa sitting on the couch, head leaning all the way back and eyes closed. She must’ve been deep in thought.

“Come here.” She said, sitting up properly. I did as told, looking at her from the corner of my eye as I sat next to her.

“Did you still wanna…” I trailed off, clearing my throat as I gestured between us. “You know.”

“I dunno.” Alyssa sighed. That made me a bit relieved because I don’t know if I was in the mood to eat pussy now. “Let’s get out of here.”

“What?”

“I’m serious.” I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Alyssa not be serious. “Let’s leave this shithole town. Now. You hate it, I hate it. Our parents are dickheads. You’ve got a car.”

“It’s my dad’s.” But all the other reasons were very convincing. 

“Who’s a dickhead.” That was fair. “Look, I’m going whether you come with me or not. Are you in?”

I didn’t have to think about my answer. I hated everything about this place. I hated my dad, hated school. I was even starting to hate how many windows our house had. 

And I think I liked Alyssa, or at the very least tolerated her.

“Sure.”

Alyssa put her top and jacket back on, and I grabbed my shoes. Dad would be coming back any minute with groceries, so all we had to do was wait for him to pull into the driveway.

I heard the car pull in, and Alyssa followed me out the door. My dad was walking towards us, a huge stupid grin on his face as he saw us. 

Before I could even give it a second thought, I swung my fist at him. I punched him in the cheek, and he was quickly on the floor. I snatched the keys that flew out of his hand off of the ground, and soon, Alyssa and I were speeding out of my driveway.

“Are you scared?” She asked, a big smile on her face. It didn’t look as stupid on her as it usually did on anyone else. 

“I dunno. Maybe a little. ” I answer. “But my hand hurts a little.” My knuckles were throbbing. I had never punched someone before. “Are you? Scared?”

“No.”

I didn’t know where we were going, or if we’d ever come back. But I punched my dad in the face and stole his car. That felt like a good place to start.

[britneyshakespeare]

you know i don't bring this up as a light anecdote because it involves me being talked about in really perverted ways behind my back. but when i was like 20 i was part of this large group of friends that was mostly a bunch of guys, and a couple of girlfriends. and the energy if you were a girl starting to hang around them was like. "ok, so who are you gonna hook up with/date?" and it didn't last long bc of course when the answer ended up being "well none of you," the patience they had for me evaporated. lol. so i was being talked about among literally every single one of them behind my back in a gigantic group chat, of like literally everyone in the original group chat (including the ppl who never fucking used it, and it was over twelve people) minus a few other ppl they didn't like, decidedly. and eventually one of my GOOD friends (that i am still friends w to this day) told me about it and then there was the whole drama of people not being able to accept consequences for their actions, not owning up to being cowardly bullies, etc... yawn yawn yawn. truly that was some stupid middle school shit from a bunch of immature ppl that i didn't really take to heart. not the guys, anyway. i was honestly very hurt by a couple of girls who partook in it though, that i thought genuinely liked me and who i genuinely liked in return, so that was shocking to me.

but anyway. after this all happened my sister went OFF on this one guy in particular. bc he had been a nuisance before. he was a slimy creep honestly. i used to feel a lot of pity for him bc i thought he was just sad and wanted attention but that was just my 20-year-old nonsense brain way of interpreting it. he was incredibly annoying and would wear girls down, would hop from one girl to another week after week, each one not reciprocating his constant desperate flirting and lovebombing. and there was a joke he participated in about me and my (also queer, female) friend that was particularly crossing a line. so kaily just ripped this guy a new one when he went to try and offer an explanation. like imagine trying to even talk to someone after you just humiliated and bullied their sister... couldn't be me. like i was literally the one being bullied in this instant but i can't imagine the kind of white hot rage i'd be in if someone did that to my sister. you know? so yeah.

at the end of this rant kaily told him "go to hell." you know. like fuck off. go fuck yourself. go to hell. good old indecent words to throw out at someone you loathe, right? i'm literally ONLY bringing this up because i cannot stop thinking, all these years later, about how one of the girls who participated in it, and was the least apologetic about it (in fact weirdly a year later she came back just to taunt me again and tell me how much better her life is without me and how stupid i was for breaking up a 'wonderful' friend group?? yeah that sounds like the behavior of someone who is over it)... i don't remember where but someone told me she talked particularly about that message to that guy and said "kaily told (name) to burn in hell" like. like that whole time she interpreted my sister as like a conservative christian who was calling him a dirty sinner. bc presumably she had never heard the phrase "go to hell" in a non-literal context before, or just never understood it?? like that girl didn't necessarily strike me as incredibly bright or something, in the short time i knew her, but i never would've guessed she could be so dumb...

but for the record that pervert guy yeah he is gonna burn in hell.

[soft-futch]

Random update about my sex life that no one asked for (but I know several of you want): Had an orgy over the weekend, got fawned over, had five sets of hands on my body. At one point I was getting my brains fucked out while everyone else watched. Much groaning, calling me pet names, making comments about how well I was taking it (fucking hell). I was in heaven! And I found out that the woman I've been super into and very nervous around is also super into me and gers nervous around me for the same reasons. Sapphics, am I right? And I got to eat her out and she told me I needed to teach a masterclass 🤣

I am just so happy. It really was what I've been needing for a long time. Being the center of attention among my friends, being lusted after, being adored. And afterward, saying goodnight and each of them privately telling me that I'm special, that they love me....I joke that stuff like this would fix me, but yeah, this experience literally fixed something that has been broken in me for a long time. All night, even before any of us knew the orgy was happening, I was receiving validation from them and other friends at an event, and putting the pieces together: I'm not just a part of the scenery in people's lives. I'm not the one they want around only bc they like my wife, and so they're willing to tolerate me. I'm not invisible. I am seen, I am known, I am understood, I am desired, I am loved. And this isn't new. I just could never see beyond my own harmful core beliefs and the traumas of my past. And bless them, they never stopped showing me even when I couldn't see it in myself.

I fucking love these people. My polycule, my friends, they're just the most amazing people. They don't realize it, but they've given me such an amazing gift that I'm never going to forget.

....this turned into a surprisingly sappy post, considering it started with a mini-gangbang orgy.

[geographerdose]

🚨TW: Physical assault

This is a true story of my personal experience with an extremely dangerous individual

💣This is a general chart of someone born on this day, I don’t know their birth time but I do know they are LEGIT PSYCHOTIC— we will call him T

💣I knew him back in high school bc my friend was dating him and bc I hung out with bad people back then (mostly bc my two close friends did and I used to just follow along bc I was afraid of being alone//teenagers amirite)

💣We were out drinking one night, in a field as we usually did, and this guy started lipping off to him, joking around, talking shit, drunk and stupid— and T just SNAPPED— starting punching him, kicking his face… he would not stop. It was honestly terrifying and sobered my ass up really quick.

💣The guy was begging him to stop and anytime someone tried to jump in, they backed off really quick bc T is a legit a raging psychopath with STRENGTH, AGILITY and QUICKNESS— and would push or hit them too— with all that retrograde Capricorn mars energy. It’s like yeah it’s exalted here but idk man retrogrades keep showing up in the physically abusive men I’ve personally known

💣Anyways the guy that got beat up ended up having to have his jaw wired shut 😳 He was in the hospital for at least 2 weeks recovering if I recall correctly

💣I was the only one who had a vehicle out of my friends (likely being used by them and the only reason I was tolerated— I never fit in with these people dude but they were a channel to partying, my main goal at 16) and so one day I gave him a ride. He was telling me how he would “f*ck the shit out of me” while promptly threatening me if I ever told anyone 😳

💣Then another day, I was trying to protect my friend that was dating him and had her at my house. This mf comes WALKING into my house, looking for her and ends up legit taking her. It was honestly unbelievable. He routinely abused her as well. A 16-year old girl. He was 20 at the time.

💣Well, as you might guess, he is currently in prison. He’s kind of scarred me and I wanted to ensure he is, in fact, behind bars bc he���s a legit menace to society

💣He got into another fight where he just wouldn’t stop beating on someone again. This time the guy who got beat up ended up needing 29 stitches on his face. This is what sent him away, where he will be locked up for awhile

💣His second charge for this current sentence is home invasion. It’s wild how all this shit repeated itself. I mean this most recent incident happened less than 4 years ago and the high school stuff was awhile ago— but literally the same thing. The papers say if someone hadn’t stepped in, the guy would have been killed. And I 100% believe that. This guy does. Not. Stop. Once he snaps.

💣I noticed that his Saturn is also retrograde which would make sense bc mars is not in its domicile in Capricorn so must rely on Saturn, which is retrograde (and co-present with retrograde Uranus too) 😬

💣I feel like the opposition from the Sun to Mars is extra harmful in this case bc of all the retrogrades going on

💣Also, though, I’m not surprised he has cancer placements (sun and mercury) as this is proof that cancers really do feel all emotions deeply, particularly anger and rage in his case

💣Particularly, though, someone threatening his pride will make him lose it//low-vibrational sun energy

💣And bc Sun is not in its domicile, it must rely on the moon which (I’m guessing) is in Aquarius bc then that has to rely on retrograde Saturn

💣Also I’m positive he has a day chart bc mars does so much damage during the day when poorly aspected. Even when exalted… obviously. I mean not everyone who has this placement is going to turn out like this. But this guy did. 💀

[straycalamities]

🍀✨🌼🌺🥊 for ace?

this is an essay (oops) so readmore B') tons of ramblings especially about the concept, origins, and brainstorming of ace below

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

so when camp entre (truffula flu) was in its death throes, i kinda saw the end coming over the horizon and was already thinking "well, i'm really attached to a lot of the things we've done here what if i made an original webcomic based on that" and so i had to start populating it

well originally i made andrew to be in entre's spot and he was literally deoncelerized entre (until 2019 when he rly became his own thing w just some similarities) and i'm literally swagtre-obsessed til i die so i was like well obviously i want to recreate a similar dynamic so i literally made ace to be andrew's love-interest and foil. that's why i include swag as one of his inspirations and it's..kinda obvious too. but trufflu swag-mod was fine w the obvious inspiration so it's all good

it was like a decade ago i did this so things are fuzzy but i remember when things really Hit me was when i remembered(? or someone mentioned? i forgor. just basically i ended up watching) Ferris Bueller's Day Off and it literally smacked me in the face like i know Exactly what i want to do for this character now. i threw in some eddy from eene and kuzco from emperor's new groove and boom. i had him.

(i cant find my original drawings of him rn but he just. looked like some Dude at the beginning lol)

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

now we get to the next part of ace's development. so when i made him he was kinda just..on the backburner but! i got the idea to try and put him in thneedville/thornville high and develop him there, but i Also wanted there to be more girl charas in the au and i was like "well i think his personality would be really interesting in a girl chara" so i made him a girl for my concept for that au

him and his twin (was gonna be run by spike/rocky's mod) they were Ace and Anna (i think..) he still has the kinda original look here even if i made it a bit more feminine. he also doesnt have a twin anymore. i joke he absorbed her in the womb and that's why he's so lucky.

bc the thing i kept was when i originally made him (cis male), his name was gonna be Dwayne and he just chooses to go by Ace bc its a cooler name. and when i made him a girl his name was gonna be equally embarrassing so he..still ended up going by Ace. (i kept it. it's his deadname now LMAO) bc after the highschool au was a Flop for me, i was like well no i want him to be a guy again but decided to make him trans bc i didnt have a trans chara yet and i thought it was Time, especially as a trans man myself, to have a chara with those sorts of experiences like me :3

i was attached to the name Ace bc 1. its fkn cool 2. i always knew i wanted him to be asexual so. the puns 3. there's a lot more puns to be made w a name like Ace and it just fit his demeanor and stuff and the way he loves doing stuff with cards (cardtricks, poker, etc) there's a lot of weight on his name being Ace and i love it

his full name is Ace Dale Miller. and it was meant to sound redneck af. being someone born n raised in mississippi, i know the culture very well LMAO and so his middle name is bc his dad (regardless of being born afab) gave him that middle name bc of Dale Earnhardt. and Miller comes from the beer of the same name. bc that was a thing i wanted was his discontent and disconnect from his roots but never fully escaping them

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

in his mainverse (zombie apoc comic whenever that happens) i keep him early-mid 30s and typically that's the age-range i default to and have done the most to Set Up for. i like him being old enough to make a name for himself and be Set (before whatever plot happens to tear it all apart) and also being in that age but having the tendencies of a manbaby. it's funni to me

however in the cult au i want to eventually get running on a blog, he's going to be a senior in high school and being a teen is the general age-range i go for for that au

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

i'm a chronic multi-shipper especially with my own ocs, so he's had flings with a lot of my friends' and former-friends' ocs, but the main chara i default to (and is canon in his canon universes) is Andrew :3

he was literally created to go with him so. ya.

exposes my obvious swagtre-redraws but acedrew. the Original Vision

but like i said i'm always down to clown with any oc with him at any time. he's just hard to love and hard to get to realize he loves. so everyone has to be prepared for that LMAO

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

his favorite things to do: be right, be correct, other people be wrong but not him, mobile games like candy crush, poker, card-tricks, darts, billiards, blackjack, craps, you get the idea he likes to gamble and do stuff you find in bars, he also likes singing, he also likes getting his way by any means necessary like it's a thrill for him to outplay and even manipulate other people so that things end up in his favor when luck isn't already working for him, he likes to show off but only when it works and people fawn over him for being so cool and skilled. oh yeah he also lowkey likes pranks and trolling ppl but he doesn't do it a ton? so i wouldn't call him A Prankster, but he does enjoy it.

he hates doing things that are the opposite of all that. like he hates being wrong, loathes losing, he hates being bored, hates getting dirty, hates too much manual labor, hates being inconvenienced especially in the smallest ways (but he does like a Challenge so this isn't the same thing as that), he hates emotions especially confronting or even recognizing his own that aren't happy good time emotions, he hates crying (him or other ppl)

the thing about him is he complains and bitches and moans about the smallest shit but if something Big and Serious were to happen to him either emotionally or physically, he'd play it off like he's fine. he's okay (he promises). like he'll whine about a paper cut all day but catch him with a mortal wound tearing through his middle and he'll hide it and march on til the blood-loss gets him. he's just That Guy.

[memberment]

The End Is Near

I'm sorry, but having running gags across my fics is so fucking funny to me. Like I think this is the third fic I've mentioned NO ONE wanting to get Clyde started on the topic of vampires since I first thought about it and it has made me laugh every single time.

I have another three where it is implied in some way shape or form that Bebe literally drives like a fucking lunatic (and does it well) b/c she loves NASCAR or wanted to be a NASCAR driver in some way shape or form (this spawned from a phoned in joke in Tweek's version of guide)

AND THERE ARE SO MANY OTHERS BUT LIKE THESE TWO MAKE ME LAUGH SO HARD. (I'm thinking about this bc I'm working on the end and I have just implemented the gag of Clyde not shutting the fuck up about vampires (Tolkien and Craig are both annoyed by this.) LMFAO)

Anyways I'm 15.6k into book 3. Craig's chapter might be ridiculously long, but I am not giving him two LMFAOOO.

1:35 guys I'm doing something fucking insane rn LMFAO

3:42 okay, I just finished doing the insane thing. Do you guys wanna know how many words I wrote, in this the month of August 2024??

128,607.

This does not include minor edits, notes, or anything not SP related. IT HAS JUST BECOME AUGUST 20TH. I HAVE WRITTEN 770 WORDS SINCE MIDNIGHT. I'm laughing so fucking hard. Anyways. Decided I'm gonna be posting a monthly wrap up that's gonna have everything I've written the entire month. If I knew I was gonna be on AO3 longer than seven fanfics, I would've been doing this, but live and learn, right? Idk what I'm gonna post it on though bc that would abs fuck my word count LMFAOOOOOOO. Also ao3 posts only allow 500k characters, this single doc that contains 19 days plus four hours has 708240.

Maybe I'll just drop the link somewhere. This is literally insane behavior. BUT I ALREADY CAME THIS FAR LIKE I NEED TO SHARE THIS LMFAOOOOO

Anyways now I'm rereading Genesis bc I can't pick a fucking project so Genesis updates may or may not be here. Also, I am starting to wonder at what point does something go for horror elements to straight up horror. Because I fear I have definitely breached into horror territory with that one. LMFAO. Also I'm probably posting Tammy's chapter early because honestly I want these fucking intros out of the way SO I CAN GET TO THE STORY LIKE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THEY'RE DRIVING ME INSANE. WE NEED TO BE ON CHAPTER THIRTEEN LIKE YESTERDAY. OR FOURTEEN. OR 25-26. screams.

I'm laughing. Here y'all go. It's 253 pages rn. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1inE_K8XDazRiUoTgNz2CtBOBp9kkdDk8yBzU8s444lo/edit?pli=1

NEVER FUCKING MIND IT GOT DELETED WOW LMFAOOOOOO

I JUST STRESS DOWLOADED LIKE ALL MY FICS BC IDK WTF JUST HAPPENED LMFAOOOO WOW THAT WAS SO RUDE

I HAVE A BACKUP BUT NOW I'M AFRAID TO POST IT LIKE WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TF

(4:59) I figured out how I'm doing this LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

alright I'm not doing it all at once though bc if I get flagged on here I'm gonna start TWEAKINGGG

but it's happening LMAO

6:27 there is now a Tumblr account with everything I have written so far for the month of august. One of the posts is literally the size of 45 pages worth of google docs. HERE YALL GO.

anyways I'm going back to being insane and rereading genesis goodbye

[kjhmyg]

not re related but i’ve been having a rough time… this happened almost a year ago but last year in august, it was senior year (i still remember the exact date and time it happened) but two of my best friends cut me off cuz they said i had a lot of problems.. and no joke cried until 3 in the morning. it was so hard seeing them everywhere at school, i literally cried every week bc my heart hurt so bad just from seeing them. even though our friendship lasted 6 months (6 months with one of them, the other 2 years) we talked every day, literally every day, hung out almost every week and had a sleepover every month, so when they cut me off, i felt like a piece of my heart fucking tore in half.

then during the 2nd semester of senior year, i became classmates (not even friends) with the person i knew for 2 years and i admit i was REALLY happy. but a part of me thought she was doing it out of pity, keep in mind i still cried every week because of how bad it hurt. and then on our last day of school, i finally did the thing that hurt me the most and blocked their instas and delete all of our gcs and messages, and all of our photos. 700 photos of them. and i cried for hours on end. it hurt so bad.

and at graduation i saw one of them, and we talked for a bit. but it still hurt so bad. i thought i wouldn’t be so hung up over them but i still am it hurts.. and like the thing is, i thought we’d be a friend group throughout our senior year and maybe even college but it still hurts… and like i want to forget them but i genuinely can’t. :(

ALSO IM SORRY FOR RANTING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST CUZ MY MOM’S NO HELP AT ALL- like my little cousin asked me what happened between them and i started crying and so she got my mom AND MY MOM TOLD ME TO STOP CRYING, SAYING IT HAPPENED A WHILE AGO. i was just like 😀😀

hi my love! first of all, no need to apologise, we all need a good rant once in a while. i'm so sorry this happened to you :( no one deserves to be abandoned like that! did they ever elaborate on what they meant by problems? because unless those problems were affecting them, it's terrible that they just cut you off like that! especially since you knew one of them for 2 years, and spoke with them everyday.

i think it's the fact that you never got closure that's got you hung up over the whole thing. but now that you've blocked them on ig and deleted the gc, it means you're ready to move on! right?

i had a similar situation with a close friend of mine. we stopped talking (my fault, not hers), but i was hung up over it for YEARS. but because i knew i was in the wrong and i missed her. i did apologise but things didn't go back to the way it was - which is fine, because again, it was my fault.

we were still in each other's close friends list on ig and because i was seeing her every day on ig, it made it difficult for me to move on. like i kept wishing she would reply to my stories or wish me happy birthday. which never happened. so...i muted her. and the less i saw of her, the busier i got with other stuff like work etc, the easier it was to forget! to move on!

out of sight, out of mind.

so if you're ready to let the past go and move on, then im telling you from first hand experience that it will get better! let yourself feel what you feel, grieve your friendship (release all of what could've been), but know that you will feel better one day!

(but if you still want closure, it's a whole different thing so lmk. i got closure in my own way.)

anyway, you're allowed to feel sad about it doesn't matter what people think.

because i do get it, wanting to have a friend group to go through an important part of your life with. with people you have many memories with. unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky :( (me included, i never had that!).

but you'll have more chances in the future! (but also, it's okay even if you don't have that!) (it's okay to be alone) (but i dont want you to feel lonely) (life is complicated).

disclaimer that i'm not a licensed to give advice just a deeply flawed person that cares about you, and i hope that you can find your smile again one day <3