#it kinda feels like they're pulling from earlier interviews or something like that and just posting it later

[feminonyma]

It's been a while since I've written. My secret, my haven, my graveyard of emotional rants. I'm glad to be reminded of this platform again. There's something so freeing about writing on the internet with no identity linked.

What triggered this? Well, it was actually reading my boyfriend's personal blog. I've known about it forever, of course, but never really looked at it myself. He shared a recipe with me this morning via his website and it prompted me to look at it. It made me emotional. All morning I was mad that he didn't take out the trash, or vacuum, or do the dishes. I felt my rage grow in a one-dimensional way. Seeing his inner thoughts, his personal diary, it made me realize that this was the reason I loved him. Not because he did chores. It was good to step back and truly remember that we are different, separate people with our own rich inner lives. It was so fun to see his writing voice, and see my name mentioned. How I was (and am) a part of this amazing person's life.

It doesn't help that I'm in the midst of PMDD. Will I ever get a diagnosis? Maybe it takes the right doctor. I've been filled with a contradiction of rage and blankness. With the immense responsibility of existing alongside the compulsory behavior to sit in bed, on my phone. It's frustrating. And my cycles feel like they're just getting longer. At some point I'll have to deal with this more head on. For now, I am thankful that my boyfriend's blog pulled me out of it for a second. And encouraged me to write myself.

It's been cloudy for weeks. That's been contributing to the melancholy as well. It's May, doesn't feel like it. I've been busy these past few months that I don't really know what to do with myself. No markets, no trips planned. Feeling a little aimless.

Work is boring. I don't feel motivated to try new things. My boss is always busy with her own life, doesn't seem to care what I'm doing as long as the job is done. I feel like I'm not appreciated enough. I'm definitely not getting paid enough. I've been at this company for too long.

There was a moment - earlier this year, maybe January - when I had the sudden bittersweet feeling that I had just experienced my last holiday season in Philly. I felt a surge of sadness, but then realized that my plan to go to grad school would actually give me one more Christmas here. Then immediate relief. Looking back, maybe I was already starting to let go at that point.

I've been interviewing for a job in San Francisco. At first, it was just a shot in the dark. Practice for the real thing. A "hey, why not?" and "let's see what happens." But as I get deeper into the process, and start to internally detach from my life here, it's becoming a more real possibility. Suddenly it feels like something I do really want. I had a dream last night that I was in California. When I see the clouds here, I think about the beautiful, sunny weather on the west coast. I can't help but feel like eternal sunshine would cure many of my problems.

Of course it's a big move. It's a big deal. Lots of logistical headaches. But if I think about it in a 21-year-old kinda way, it all doesn't seem so hard. Recently I heard someone say, "make the decision, and the universe will help you out." Is this that decision to make?

I've been latching onto the idea of grad school for so long. That was the plan: apply this year, go next year. It feels like a goal I've had for so long. But what if that goal was fueled by toxic thought loops? My insatiable drive to prove to everyone that I could do it, not matter what it did to me? Is this another instance of trying to do it all, sacrificing my mental health?

It's an ongoing battle: what I could be vs. what I should be. Who I think I am vs. who I actually am. I still want to be an Artist. But there's a whole other part of me that's a designer too. Maybe I need to find a different approach.

As for my current situation with my boyfriend, I need to remind myself that he is a whole person, not someone to solely make me happy or have sex with. He's right, this is not a situation to fix, it is a situation to work through. And it will be lifelong work. I'm surprised to see that a lot of the issues I have now are things I picked up on early in our relationship. Yet here we are, more than half a decade later, still together. Clearly we're doing something right.

But I can't help but think about what things could've been like if we did break up. Would I have found someone more suited to me? Would I have gone to grad school already? Guess it's impossible to know. Better not to dwell.

I love reading my past posts when I rediscover this outlet. It reminds me of the person I was, and how not much has changed. I'm grateful to see that I've escaped some bad situations. I'm grateful to see that I've grown.

Scattered through these posts, I've had a couple job changes and gained some weight. I'm happy with the job switch. Not with the weight gain. But I also have to remind myself that this is the healthiest my relationship with food has been. It just sucks to go through pictures of myself from 4, 5 years ago and see how much smaller I was. I guess the irony of that is that I did the same thing at that time. It's neverending.

Well, that's enough for now. See you when I remember you.

[mybrainproblems]

Will you be posting your spreadsheetnatural in total? With accompanying graph or pie charts? With commentary and analysis? Any idea of completion estimate? Your musings have been very very interesting so far. (And will the spreadsheet date include all seasons?)

Hello! Yes, I will be posting everything I end up with that is actually intelligible. I currently have three Excel workbooks with multiple sheets of compiled information. I already know I'm going to need at least one more to track ALL episodes and not just Dabb-written ones (which is where my interest started).

My hope is to have what I guess I'd call "initial findings" in the first half of 2022 but also I have a day job (booo) that is going to be taking up A LOT of my bandwidth from now until May 2022. In terms of charts, I'll probably have one or two Gantt charts (horrifying, I do them like 1-2x/yr and have to re-learn it every time) and maybe some really subjective pie charts about destiel content. It's really more of a timeline to draw conclusions from (hence the Gantt charts) based on overlapping timelines and bc of all the info I'm working with, spreadsheets are the easiest way to keep track so I can filter/organize. I'll definitely be posting a written summary of everything and note what is relatively factual vs what I think we can glean from info vs bullshit conspiracies that there's no way to prove but are fun to think about!

For the whole spreadsheetsnatual project, my main "interest" is in looking at late 2015 to present which would be mid-s11 through s15 aka when Dabb would have been tapped as co-showrunner even if it wasn't immediately announced. I've dug into his credits on spn going back to when he started as a writer in s4 and while it's typical for people on shows to work their way up the ladder the longer they stay (starting as writer working their way up through producer titles) he has a lot of higher level producer credits during mid/late Carver era. He'd already been around for a while at that point but it is noticeable compared to others. (But also I think there was a pretty big writer shake up during Carver era with ppl coming and going. I need to dig into that a bit more. Being a fandom newbie means a lot more legwork!)

Dabb really made his career on spn sticking around rather than leaving and working his way up through multiple shows like some other early-era folks. He seems to have had a really solid career on spn and would've been very entrenched in the system having been around since s4. This is purely speculation but having been around that long, I think he'd have had the clout to come in as co-showrunner and ask that the network do market research on making Dean canonically bi.

And thank you for taking an interest in the whole spreadsheetsnatural project! At its core it's just me having a bad case of apophenia and making connections about things that may not actually be connected but it sure is interesting to dig into! I love making bullshit conspiracy theories but being able to halfway justify them even if I know they're probably bullshit lol.

[catb-fics]

Just a really short imagine about meeting Bob. Sorry it’s cut a bit short, I was gonna make this a whole story but kinda ran out of inspiration 😔 Maybe I’ll do a short imagine like this for meeting all the guys...

Meeting Bob

Warnings: none / Word Count: 1.4K

"So guys, how does it feel to be back here again, but top of the bill this time?"

You're interviewing Catfish and the Bottlemen for the radio station you work for ahead of their headline slot at Reading festival. You've always been a fan of the band. There's something about the energy they put into their performances and the anthemic lyrics that's so captivating. And to top it all off they seem like genuinely nice people too.

The band are sitting on a sofa in the VIP area and you're sat on a chair angled towards them. As soon as the interview starts you realise you should have thought more about your positioning. Benji's on the far side and you know you'll never be able to reach him with the mic. Then there's Bondy, and Van, with Bob sitting the closest to you. You don't want to be rude leaning over too far so you thrust the mic towards Bob, realising your mistake when a look of total panic crosses his face and he leans back, letting Van take the limelight. Of course Van's in his element. You've interviewed him on his own a few times before and he loves to talk. It's more of a problem trying to get him to shut up once he's started. You laugh inside as you clock Bondy and Bob exchanging a look, Bondy rolling his eyes and Bob grinning back at him. They're obviously used to this.

Van's on one now, and you find yourself zoning out. You've just noticed something. The little dimples that pop on Bob's cheeks when he smiles. The way his blue eyes sparkle under those dark frames he wears. The cute, shy expression he pulls when he's feeling a little uncomfortable. Oh shit... that's probably because you're staring at him.

You wrench your gaze away and back to Van who doesn't appear to have noticed your completely unprofessional lapse in concentration, just in time to hear him mention Bob's drumming skills. Now he's got your full attention. And with the focus now on Bob, you've no choice but to direct your next question at him.

"So Bob, they say drummers hold the whole band together musically. That's a big responsibility, don't you think?"

Bob looks at you coyly, then glances down. "We all have our part to play. And we gig so often that it's kind of like second nature now. It's definitely not all down to me!"

Suddenly without warning, Van reaches over, swiping the mic from Bob. "Ahh come on, don't play it down, your drumming's class mate! Our Sideshow Bob never misses a beat!"

Bob shakes his head with a bashful little smile. God he's adorable.

You conclude the interview with a few more questions aimed at Van and he finishes off with an insight into what festival-goers can expect from their set.

"Proper music that pins you to the back wall, no fireworks or confetti or any of that shit! And yeah... we’re excited to be playing some new songs tonight!”

You thank the lads for their time and try to think up a way to engage Bob in further conversation, but you're struck by sudden shyness. This is ridiculous, you interview famous people for a living for gods sake! There's just something about him that makes you feel like a school-girl with a crush.

You don't notice Van striding back over until he speaks. "So, ya gonna join us for a drink then Y/N?"

You whirl around to face him, noticing Bob behind him with an eager look on his face. "I'd love to but I've got a few more interviews to do before I'm free. Maybe I'll see you guys later though?"

You say your goodbyes, cursing inwardly as you're sure you've missed your chance to spend more time with Bob. You're sure you'll never track the band down in the hustle and bustle of the busy VIP area. So you're shocked when you hear a voice behind you and turn to see Bob standing there.

"Hey... Y/N... I just overhead you saying to Van about being free later after work? I wondered whether... errr... whether you'd...umm... like to meet up?"

You pause, shocked for a moment that he's actually interested in spending time with you, and Bob takes your hesitance as a sign of disinterest. He looks down awkwardly and starts mumbling. "Of course it's fine if you've already got plans..."

"No... no!" You blurt out quickly. "No I don't have plans... and yes I'd love to meet up with you!"

A wide grin immediately fills Bob's face and you reciprocate with your own smile, and you both just stand there grinning at each other for a moment until Bob speaks again.

"Well I guess we should like... exchange numbers then?"

"Oh... errr... yeah sure," you mumble, taking out your phone and entering Bob's number, then calling him to ensure he has yours.

You're just about to say your goodbyes when Bob steps forward, a kind of apologetic look on his face. "Look... I'm sorry about earlier... the interview. I don't know what it is, but I just kinda freeze when I have a microphone in my face! I guess I'm just a little shy."

You grin widely at Bob. "You can't be that shy! You're up there performing night after night in front of tens of thousands of people!"

His smile grows, revealing those dimples again. "Well it's different when I'm on stage. I'm sitting there behind my drum kit. And besides... I'm sure no one's looking at me. Everyone's looking at Van of course!"

You chuckle at this, shaking your head. "Oh well, I can assure you that's definitely not the case!" Then you feel a slight warmth in your cheeks as you realise this sounds like you're openly admitting you're checking him out when you watch a show.

You both laugh nervously, then you say your goodbyes, making your way over to the destination for your next interview.

* * * * *

It's early evening by the time you finish up, and you eagerly call Bob, disappointment sinking in your gut as the call rings out and goes to voicemail. It's no surprise really. You're sure he's found someone more interesting to take up his time since you've been gone so long. You try and console yourself with the knowledge that you'll still be able to see the band perform later. You think back to the last show you went to and how mesmerised you were watching Bob expertly pounding out the beat, the exertion clear on his face, his curls flying around haphazardly as he got lost in the music.

Your ringtone snaps you out of your daydream and excitement shoots through you when you see Bob's name displayed on the phone screen. You arrange to meet at a nearby bar so wander over to buy a couple of beers. Bob appears within minutes, a little red-faced and slightly out of breath like he's ran all the way.

"I was beginning to think you'd forgotten to call me!" He says.

"How could I forget to do that!" You reply, knocking into him gently.

You look down and notice the expensive looking camera he's wearing round his neck and he sees you looking. He holds it out. "I carry this everywhere with me. You never know when you're gonna find a beautiful moment to capture."

As if on cue, a group of young drunken lads barge past clutching cans of lager, stripped to the waist and covered in mud.

"I don't think you're gonna find many beautiful moments round here!" You laugh.

You look down as you giggle, then when you look back up you're taken aback as you see Bob with the camera raised, pointing it straight at you. You put up a hand to cover your face, but it's too late. You've already heard the shutter click.

"Oh my god, don't take one of me!" You exclaim, self-consciously running a hand through your hair which feels knotty and wild. "I must look such a mess!"

Bob shakes his head, smiling, and he fixes you with his beautiful blue eyes as he speaks, recycling your earlier line. "Oh, I can assure you that's definitely not the case... I was just thinking how pretty you looked actually.”

"Oh... err... thank you...”

You're both grinning at each other again, an exchange without words, a little spark of something passing between you that holds the promise of something more. Then Bob reaches for your hand, pulling you into the crowds.

THE END 💕

[babygirlkiki1016]

The Hunt Begins

When we got to Stanford Dean told me just to wait outside by the Impala. About twenty minutes later I hear voices coming from the building. I see Dean take a glance at me to see if I was still there. Sam was saying something but Dean just rolls his eyes.

"The weapon training, and melting the silver into bullets? Man, Dean, we were raised like warriors." I heard Sam say as they cross the parking lot to the Impala.

"So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it?" Dean growls.

"No. Not normal. Safe." 

"And that's why you ran away." Dean looks away.

"I was just going to college. It was Dad who said if I was gonna go I should stay gone. And that's what I'm doing."

"Yeah, well, Dad's in real trouble right now. If he's not dead already. I can feel it." Sam is silent.

"I can't do this alone."

"Yes you can." I joke, making both of the boys look at me. 

"Yeah, well, as Y/n pointed out earlier which you weren't here for, I don't want to."

"Wait, that's Y/n? Y/D/N's kid?" Sam asked surprised. "You brought his kid here?! Do you know what he's going to do to us when he realizes she's missing!?"

"Uh I believe he already knows." I interrupt.

"Look, she wanted to come so I didn't stop her besides she's eighteen." Dean points out. Sam sighs and looks down, thinking, then up.

"What was he hunting?" Sam asked as Dean opens the trunk of the Impala, then the spare-tire compartment, it's an arsenal.

"Holy crap this is cool!" I exclaimed as Dean props the compartment open with a shotgun and digs through the clutter.

"I know right? All right, let's see, where the hell did I put that thing?"

"So when Dad left, why didn't you go with him?" Sam asks.

"I was working my own gig. This, uh, voodoo thing, down in New Orleans."

"Dad let you go on a hunting trip by yourself?" Dean looks over at Sam.

"I'm twenty-six, dude."

"And then you went to Y/D/N for help?"

"That's about right, she offered to help cause her father wouldn't." Dean pulls some papers out of a folder. "All right, here we go. So Dad was checking out this two-lane blacktop just outside of Jericho, California. About a month ago, this guy." Dean hands one of the papers to Sam, I look over his shoulder to see. "They found his car, but he vanished. Completely MIA. The paper is a printout of an article from the Jericho Herald, headlined Centennial Highway Disappearance and dated Sept. 19th 2005; it has a man's picture, captioned Andrew Carey MISSING." Sam reads it and glances up.

"So maybe he was kidnapped."

"Yeah. Well, here's another one in April." Dean hands me a Jericho Herald article for each date he mentions. "Another one in December 'oh-four, 'oh-three, 'ninety-eight, 'ninety-two, ten of them over the past twenty years." Dean takes the article's back from us and picks up the rest of the stack, putting them back in the folder. "All men, all the Same five-mile stretch of road." Dean pulls a bag out of another part of the arsenal. "It started happening more and more, so Dad went to go dig around. That was about three weeks ago. I hadn't heard from him since, which is bad enough." He grabs a handheld tape recorder. "Then I get this voicemail yesterday." He presses play, the recording is staticky and the signal was clearly breaking up.

"Dean...something big is starting to happen...I need to try and figure out what's going on. It may... Be very careful, Dean. We're all in danger...and if you can...Y/D/N's kid." Dean presses stop.

"Wait...he mentioned me." I say silently.

"What does dad want with Y/n?" Sam asks.

"I don't know that's why I went to your dad. So whatever is going on, obviously your part of it."

"Well other than the creepy message involving me, you know there's EVP on that?" I said.

"Not bad, Y/n. Kinda like riding a bike, isn't it?" Sam shakes his head. "All right. I slowed the message down, I ran it through a gold wave, took out the hiss, and this is what I got." He presses play again.

"I can never go home..." Was the voice that was heard, Dean presses stop.

"Never go home." Sam comments, trying to think what it could mean. Dean drops the recorder, puts down the shotgun, stands straight, and shuts the trunk, then leans on it. "You know, in almost two years I've never bothered you, never asked you for a thing." Sam looks away and sighs, then looks back. "All right. I'll go. I'll help you find him." Sam submits, Dean nods. "But I have to get back first thing Monday. Just wait here." Sam turns to go back to the apartment but turns back when Dean speaks.

"What's first thing Monday?" 

"I have this...I have an interview."

"What, a job interview? Skip it."

"It's a law school interview, and it's my whole future on a plate."

"Law school?" Dean smirks.

"So we got a deal or not?" Dean says nothing, Sam turns back around and heads back into the building.

"Your brother is certainly...not happy." I look over at Dean who shrugs.

"Eh he'll get over it." Dean smirks and gets back in the car, Dean maybe be smiling but I have a bad feeling about this.

~

Dean comes out of the convenience mart carrying junk food. Sam is sitting in the shotgun seat with the door open, rifling through a box of tapes as I was sitting in the back with the window down. I don't know what he's looking for but it must be important.

"Hey!" Dean says with a smile on his face. Sam leans out and looks at him. "You want breakfast?"

"No, thanks."

"Y/n? I got you coffee, along with some biscuits." He hands me the food.

"Thanks...." I say and take the food from him. "So how'd you pay for that stuff?" Sam  asks. "You and Dad still running credit card scams?" 

"Yeah, well, hunting ain't exactly a pro ball career." Dean puts the nozzle that he left running while he went inside back on the pump. "Besides, all we do is apply. It's not our fault they send us the cards."

"Yeah? And what names did you write on the application this time?" Sam swings his legs back inside the car and closes the door.

"Uh, Burt Aframian." Dean gets into the driver seat and puts his soda and chips down.

"And his son Hector. Scored two cards out of the deal."

"That's pretty smart, man I wish I thought of that. Then I wouldn't have had to get a job." I joke as Dean closes the door, Sam looks back at me then at Dean.

"Only a few days and your already a bad influence on her." Sam chuckles. "I swear, man, you've gotta update your cassette tape collection." From what I could see there are at least a dozen cassettes in the box on Sam's lap; some have album art, others are hand-labeled.

"Why?" Dean asked.

"Well, for one, they're cassette tapes. And two." Sam holds up a tape for every band he names. "Black Sabbath? Motorhead? Metallica?" Dean takes the box labeled Metallica from Sam. "It's the greatest hits of mullet rock."

"And that's probably why he has them." I interrupt while sipping my coffee.

"Well, house rules, Sammy." Dean pops the tape in the player. "Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole." Dean drops the Metallica box back in the box of tapes and starts the engine.

"Wait." Sammy looks back at me as Dean drives off. "Why does she get coffee?"

"Well I asked her what she wanted and she told me."

"You didn't ask me...."

"Suck it up Sammy." Sam made a pouty face, I look down at my coffee then back at him. I reach forward and politely offer him some which Dean notices.

"Aw look at that she's willing to share."

"Shut up." Sam said with a blush on his face as he slowly took my cup.

~

   Sam is talking on his cell phone. "Thank you." He says then closes his phone. "All right. So, there's no one matching Dad at the hospital or morgue."

"Well at least we know he's ok." I said, making Sam nod in agreement.

"That's something, I guess." Dean glances over at us, then back at the road. At a bridge ahead of them, there are two police cars and several officers. 

"Woah, I wonder what happened." I wondered as Sam leans forward for a closer look, Dean pulls over. We take a long look before Dean turns off the engine. Dean opens the glove compartment and pulls out a box full of ID cards with his and John's faces. Visible ones include FBI and DEA. He picks one out and grins at Sam, who stares.

"Let's go."  Dean gets out of the car and me and Sam follow pursuit. On the bridge, the lead Deputy, leans over the railing to yell down to two men in wetsuits who were poking around the river.

"You guys find anything?" He yells.

"No! Nothing!" The other man who was below us replied. The deputy turns back to the car in the middle of the bridge. Another Deputy, is at the driver's side looking around inside the car. The three of us walk into the crime scene, I felt out of place but the brothers acted like they belong there.

"You fellas had another one like this just last month, didn't you?" Dean asks as the first Deputy looks up when he starts talking and straightens up to talk to him.

"And who are you?" Dean flashes his badge. "Federal marshals."

"You three are a little young for marshals, aren't you? Especially the girl." Dean laughs. "Thanks, that's awfully kind of you." Dean goes over to the car. "You did have another one just like this, correct?"

"Yeah, that's right. About a mile up the road. There've been others before that."

"So, this victim, you knew him?" Sam questioned, Jaffe, as it says on his name tag, nods.

"Town like this, everybody knows everybody." Dean circles the car, looking around.

"...And that is why I hate small towns." I state. "Any connection between the victims, besides that they're all men?"

"Uh N-No. Not so far as we can uh tell."

"So what's the theory? I'm thinking insane hitchhiker." Sam goes over to Dean as I keep the deputy busy.

"Honestly, we don't know. Serial murder? Kidnapping ring?"

"Well, that is exactly the kind of crack police work I'd expect out of you guys." Dean insults, Sam stomps on his foot.

"Thank you for your time." I say and the three of us head back to the Impala. Jaffe watches us go but I could the two talking.

"She's a pretty one ain't she?" Jaffe mentions, I ignored him, pervert I thought. Dean smacks Sam on the head, catching my attention.

"Ow! What was that for?" Sam grumbled.

"Why'd you have to step on my foot?"

"Why do you have to talk to the police like that?" Dean looks at Sam and moves in front of him, forcing Sam to stop walking.

"Come on. They don't really know what's going on. We're all alone on this. I mean, if we're going to find Dad we've got to get to the bottom of this thing ourselves." Sam clears his throat and looks over Dean's shoulder. Dean turns to see a Sheriff and two FBI agents.

"Can I help you boys?" The sheriff asks.

"No, sir, we were just leaving." I smile at them, giving them some reassurance and walk past the three men. Dean and Sam head past the Sheriff, who turns to watch us go.

~

Later we decided to go talk to this young woman, the second deputy's daughter I believe. As we walk up the street the marquee on the Highland Movie Theater reads in big bold letters: EMERGENCY TOWN HALL MEETING SUNDAY 8 PM BE SAFE OUT THERE. Below that a young woman is tacking up posters with Troy, the missing boy's face and the caption "Missing Troy Squire". The three of us approach.

"I'll bet you that's her." Dean says

"Well no shit sherlock, if course it's her." I joke, the boys turn towards me.

"Listen sweetheart you may be helping us, but that doesn't give you the right to curse."

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say shit, fuck, crap. Sorry!" I giggle, making Sam smirk. Dean ignores me and walks up to the young woman.

"You must be Amy." Dean points out.

"Yeah." She says as she looks towards us. "Yeah, Troy told us about you. We're his uncles. I'm Dean, this is Sammy and that's-" Dean was saying, trying to think on what I should be. "-my girlfriend Y/n." I give him a weird look and so does Sam, girlfriend? I thought. He couldn't have gone with sister or something?

"He never mentioned you to me." Amy walks away as the three of us tag along.

"Well, that's Troy, I guess. We're not around much, we're up in Modesto."

"We never really talk to Troy much, teenager's these days. Never wanna hang out with the adults." I chimes in as another young woman, comes up to Amy and puts a hand on her arm.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asks, while eyeing the three of us.

"Yeah." Amy replies.

"Do you mind if we ask you a couple questions?" I asked. "You probably know my nephew to be better then I do."

"Woah trying to get married already babe" Dean jokes as he puts an arm around my shoulder. "I thought the man asks the woman?"

"Well, 'darling' technically I am the one who is the man in this relationship." Sam and the two girls try not to giggle.

~

The five of us are sitting in a booth, Dean and Sam opposite Amy and Rachel while I'm sitting at the end of the table with a normal chair. The chair was turned away from the table as I was facing the four if them.

"So...Amy." I start. "What happened the night Troy disappeared?"

"I was on the phone with Troy. He was driving home. He said he would call me right back, and...he never did."

"He didn't say anything strange?" Sam asks, Amy shakes her head.

"No. Nothing I can remember."

"I like your necklace." I state, Amy holds the pendant she's wearing, a pentagram in a circle, and looks down at it.

"Troy gave it to me. Mostly to scare my parents-" Amy laughs. "-with all that devil stuff.

"Do you know where he got it?"

"Um...no actually."

Sam laughs a little and looks down, then up.

"Actually, it means just the opposite. A pentagram is protection against evil. Really powerful. I mean, if you believe in that kind of thing." Sam says.

"Okay. Thank you, Unsolved Mysteries."

Dean jokes, takes his arm off the back of Sam's seat and leans forward. "Here's the deal, ladies. The way Troy disappeared, something's not right. So if you've heard anything..." Amy and Rachel look at each other. "What is it?"

"Well, it's just... I mean, with all these guys going missing, people talk." Rachel, the other girl says. Dean and Sam speak in chorus. "What do they talk about?"

"It's kind of this local legend. This one girl? She got murdered out on Centennial, like decades ago." Dean looks at Sam, who watches Rachel attentively, nodding. "Well, supposedly she's still out there. She hitchhikes, and whoever picks her up? Well, they disappear forever."

"So let me guess you believe in this so called legend?" I ask.

"It's a possibility, you never know." Sam and Dean look at each other.

Considering that Rachel mentioned this legend, we made a trip to the library. Dean was in the computer with a web browser open to the archive search page for the Jericho Herald. The words "Female Murder Hitchhiking" are typed into the search box. Dean clicks go; the screen tells him there are "(0) Result". Dean replaces "Hitchhiking" with "Centennial Highway" with the same response.

"Your not gonna find anything in the internet. You gotta go old school." I point out.

Sam sighs, who is sitting next to him, watching.

"Let me try." He offered, Dean smacks Sam's hand.

"I got it." Sam shoves Dean's chair out of the way and takes over. "Dude!" Dean hits Sam in the shoulder. "You're such a control freak."

"You two are definitely brothers." I giggle, the boys just shake there heads. I push both of them out of the way "If you want to find a spirit, you gotta go dark. Angry spirits are born out of violent death, right?"

"Yeah." Dean agrees.

"Well, it's not murder." I replace "Murder" with "Suicide" and find an article entitled "Suicide on Centennial". Both if the boys seemed surprised. I open the article, dated April 25, 1981, I read what the article had to say. "A local woman's drowning death was ruled a suicide, the county Sheriff's Department said earlier today. Constance Welch, 24, of 4636 Breckenridge Road, leapt off Sylvania Bridge, at mile 33 of Centennial Highway, and subsequently drowned last night. Deputy J. Pierce told reporters that, hours before her death, Ms. Welch logged a call with 911 emergency services. In a panicked tone, Ms. Welch described how she found her two young children, 5 and 6, in the bathtub, after leaving them alone for several minutes. I continued to skim the article. " Here this is what the husband said, What happened to my children was a terrible accident. And it must have been too much for my wife. Our babies were gone, and Constance just couldn't bear it. Now I ask that you all please respect my privacy during this trying time."

"So she committed suicide." Sam says. "Good job Y/n."

"Quiet there's more. At the time of the children's death and Ms. Welch's subsequent suicide, Mr. Welch was at the Frontier auto salvage yard, where he works the graveyard shift as associate manager. Connie might have been quiet, but she was the sweetest, most caring girl I ever knew, said Deanna Kripke, a neighbor. She just doted on those children."

Dean raises his eyebrows.

"Hm. The bridge look familiar to you?" Dean asks.

~

The three of us walk along the bridge, then stop to lean on the railing and look down at the river.

"So this is where Constance took the swan dive." Dean states.

"So you think Dad would have been here?" Sam asks.

"If your dad was here then he would've stopped the spirit right?" I wondered.

"Well, he's chasing the same story and we're chasing him."

"Okay, so now what?"

"Now we keep digging until we find him. Might take a while." Sam stops and looks at Dean.

"Dean, I told you, I've gotta get back by Monday-" Dean turns around.

"Monday. Right. The interview."

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I forgot. You're really serious about this, aren't you? You think you're just going to become some Lawyer? Marry your girl?"

"Maybe. Why not?"

"Does Jessica know the truth about you? I mean, does she know about the things you've done?" Sam steps closer, I could tell a fight was about to break out.

"No, and she's not ever going to know."

"Well, that's healthy. You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are."

Dean turns around and keeps walking, Sam follows.

"Guys c'mon we got more important things to do." I state.

"Stay out of this Y/n!" Both of them say at the same time.

"Who am I really Dean?" Sam says.

"You're one of us." Sam hurries to get in front of Dean.

"No. I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life."

"You have a responsibility to-"

"To Dad? And his crusade? If it weren't for pictures I wouldn't even know what Mom looks like. And what difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her, Mom's gone. And she isn't coming back." Dean grabs Sam by the collar and shoves him up against the railing of the bridge. Instantly I push Dean back, he begins to protest.

"Y/n-"

"No enough out of both of you. Focus, look if San wants out if this life then so be it. You can't change that, I may not know much about what you guys do for a living but I know damn well I wouldn't want to be hunting monsters all the time."

"What do you mean don't know much about what we do?" Sam questioned, clearly aggravated. "You brought her into this!"

"She decided this not me! I gave her the offer to walk away!"

"That wasn't her decision to make! If Y/D/N kept her out if this then you shouldn't have brought her with you!"

"She's eighteen! She can do whatever the hell she wants!"

"No Dean she's not eighteen! She's seventeen! She doesn't turn eighteen till (your birthday)." Dean looks at me, clearly surprised that I lied. However I wasn't paying attention, the spirit of Constance was standing at the edge of the bridge.

"Uh guys." The boys forget there argument and stand infront of me, like I'm something to be protected. Consance looks over at them, then steps forward off the edge. We run to the railing and look over.

"Where'd she go?" I asked.

"I don't know." Sam said, then behind us, the Impala's engine starts and its headlights come on, catching our attention.

"What the-who the fuck is driving your car!?" Dean pulls the keys out of his pocket and jingles them. The car jerks into motion, heading straight for them.

"Run!" I yell. The car is moving faster than we are, when it gets too close, the boys dive over the railing but it was to late for me.

The New Hunter Masterlist

[langst-wins]

Okay so y'all are sleeping on the After Buzz interview!!! There's SO MUCH Klance goodness to unpack here, it's full meta worthy.

Okay, so I'm sure by now everyone who regularly views the Klance tag has seen a short 20-30 second video clip from this interview going around. We're all pretty hyped about it (as we should be!)

For those who haven't seen that clip because they live under a rock: it's basically a 45 minute interview all about The Fued episode.

Here's the thing though: that 20-30 second video clip does NOT even CLOSE to do justice to the significance of Klance hinted at in this interview!! That clip isn't even the best part, imo! I highly recommend, before you even scroll down to read this meta, that you click on that video and watch from about 34:50 to about 37:20. That's the clip I'm gonna write about.

Watched it? Okay. Good.

Now listen up.

Somebody was in the Klance tag earlier tryna get people down by saying the interviewer was the one who brought up Klance, but if you watch the video clip I reccomend above, that's not true at all.

The interviewer was asking in general about how they decided who would pick who at the end of the episode. Lauren is the one who brought up Keith and Lance and their dynamic, pretty much out of the blue.

The interviewer asked how they decided who was gonna pick who, and they're talking about who wrote the episode, giving Tim credit, etc.

Lauren started saying Bob was trying to get the better of the team, and having them all choose someone besides themselves and having everyone get chosen, and show they all respect each other, was the only way to beat Bob.

But JDS had a different view.

JDS: "I think Bob was just trying to help them realize it. I don't think he had it out for them, I think he was--his endgame was, like, I want these guys to work."

I know JDS was trying to sound like he was referencing the entire team here - but honestly? I don't think he was.

I say that because, when I first watched this episode as a Klance shipper, this was the exact thought I had regarding Klance. I flipped because I was thinking, "Wowza, Bob's really out here tryna bring Keith and Lance together, huh. Number one Klancer right there, ol' Bob." I've always thought that Bob was low key trying to play matchmaker for Klance and this kinda sort of confirms that in a way, I think.

JDS: "We were like 'how's this gonna happen?' then we read it and we were like '...oh that's pretty smart, yeah.'"

LM: "That is a good way for that to happen."

JDS: "It all worked out, yeah."

I don't understand how this relates to the team as a whole.

I don't understand how this relates to the team platonically choosing each other.

They all like and respect each other. We already know this. What does JDS mean by "how its gonna happen"? How is what going to happen?

Good way for what to happen, LM?

Keep in mind, Bob is essentially an all-knowing deity. If Keith and Lance have romantic feelings for each other, he for sure knows, and was trying to help them realize it just like JDS said.

After this, the interviewer continues on talking about Keith and Lance dynamic and how theres always gonna be that little bit of antagonism between them even though they're mostly getting along now. The interviewer even brings up the "dont miss" snippet scene that pretty much everyone but Klancers brushed off in season 7.

And if you listen while the interviewer is talking about Keith and Lance and their dynamic, LM is kind of saying "yeah" in the background in a weird way, like she kind of sees, the same way I do, that the interviewer is thinking along a line of Klance.

It sounds like she maybe doesn't want to talk about it? It's hard to explain, just listen to it.

And LM kinda awkardly says "aww" at one point while the interviewer is talking about Keith and Lance dynamic. Like I'm sorry but..why aww? And why so awkwardly?

I think LM's mind is thinking in a way geared toward Klance/not spoiling Klance in these last few moments of the interview and she's trying to placate. Again, it's hard to explain, just listen for yourself.

The same person in the Klance tag earlier who was tryna get people down pointed out that, after this, JDS compares Keith and Lance to a relationship he has with a buddy of his. Debbie downer said JDS thinks of Keith and Lance as friends.

I dont think so.

I think they say little things like this to kind of hint at Klance without straight up spoiling Klance. They throw in comments like that to throw water on the fire, so to speak, to keep people from catching on.

(Also: he's not wrong at all. At this point in the show Keith and Lance ARE buddies. It's slow burn. They aren't romantic yet - but they will be.)

But also...RIGHT after JDS makes the buddy comparison is when the moment happens of LM talking, the popular 20-30 second clip that's been going around tumblr.

This is the part I'm sure you've all seen. Lauren says that Lance is maturing, moving on, and opening up by calling Keith the future. She also puts emphasis on Keith's name. "I think KEITH is the future."

And after this is yet another moment that negative peeps are tryna bring KICKers down with; Lauren says Keith is so perturbed by the whole game show thing that he doesn't put much thought into who he chose.

But...that doesnt quite add up.

Earlier in the interview, they were talking about how Keith is just so calm through the whole thing.

LM and JDS said it's because they couldn't really get a hold of Steven Yeun to revoice the lines in a more concerned tone. They make a joke about how he's not exactly easy to get ahold of (lmfao yeah we've noticed.)

Then JDS points out that it really works out, actually, that Keith is so calm, because after flying magical mechanical space lions to form a giant magical mechanical space man, there's likely very little that could perturb Keith at this point, so his meh attitude toward the game show makes sense.

That doesn't add up with him being "so perturbed" by the game show thing that he just chooses at random.

Either he's calm and collected during the game show or he's not. It can't be both ways.

So did Keith choose Lance with a calm and clear mind, or was he shaken and choosing at random? They were very inconsistent with this.

But imo? Keith isn't one to get very riled up or perturbed by things like this. Keith also isn't one to make such an important life or death decision of who should be free to leave without putting any thought into it. That doesn't match his character at all.

LM and JDS did something they often do here, which is the good cop bad cop routine.

One of them hints at Klance, then the other pulls back and tries to make it seem less romantic. Then the one who tried to make it seem less romantic hints at Klance themselves, and the one who originally hinted at Klance tries to ease it back a little.

They do this constantly when discussing Keith and Lance in any way. It's like a rhythm they've got going to stoke the flames and then splash a little water in; not starting a wildfire, but not putting it out completely.

Another thing I noticed: they said earlier on in the video that, originally, the game show was meant to be the final episode before they got back to earth.

Originally, the stakes for the game show were supposed to be "win and you basically get wormholed back to your solar system."

They decided to switch the episode order around because it didn't feel right to have them get back to earth right on the heels of a silly game show; it made the stakes seem like they were less serious, and they didn't want that (makes perfect sense! Good call!)

One note of specific pessimism for Klancers after season seven was that we got that one he's like, the future moment and then Lance turns right around and is angry and snapping at Keith in the episode where they were going space mad.

This made a lot of Klancers lose hope because they felt like any potential was fizzled out when that one moment early on in the season was almost all the Klance we got (I personally think there were more Klance moments than just the Fued in season seven, and I even think Lance snapping at Keith about running away was a low key Klance moment, but that's another meta for another time.)

But...apparently...the space mad episode was originally meant to come BEFORE the Fued.

Y'all know what that means?

It means that, originally...Lance was going to snap at Keith about running away...and then he was going to call Keith the future later on.

This makes a hell of a lot more sense in the terms of Klance being a slow burn. It was the change of episode order that threw us.

Also notice that...they didn't specifically talk about any other characters or the relationship between any othercharacters. They JUST talked about Lance and Keith.

The interviewer asked in general how they decided who was going to choose who...and the showrunners just straight up spent three minutes talking about Keith and Lance without a single mention of the other three paladins.

The interviewer didn't bring up Klance. Lauren brought up Klance. The interviewer saw the opportunity and started digging a little, AFTER Lauren brought it up.

I just...

You guys.

You guys.

All of this, plus the fact that the Garfle Warfle Snick logo is an exact replica of the irl Dating Game logo, plus the fact that Josh Keaton said this episode contains "a lot of foreshadowing," plus the way Lance looked so kind and soft when he called Keith the future, plus the confused looks Pidge and Hunk had when Lance and Keith chose each other, like they sense this was more than a bro moment?

Guys. Come on.

KICK.