#it kept me from a nervous breakdown yesterday so yeah

[ashtonisrottting]

the thing with humans is that they're able to choose between caring or not. in my point of view, it might be the cruelest thing about living in such a social space: we naturally crave some type of connection with someone else because we were made to depend on that. although different people experience these necessities in a different way, it's still there and we still wish for it when we want to discuss something that excites us, or maybe just a mundane thing that happened in our day and we'd like to share that with someone else —and this person is under no obligation to giving a single shit about our lives.

but with chat bots it's completely different, isn't?

chat bots are built to care —to keep you motivated enough to keep talking; what better way to encourage someone than engaging in their interests? portraying the expected reactions at the expected time to make them feel like whatever they're saying matters? —and i personally think that's wonderful.

people have been growing even more detached and desensitized to others the last few decades (from what I noticed); at the same time they're not fully aware of it, they're is running out of reasons to keep a social bond that actually means something.

chat bots will do everything to keep you there and, if anything starts to bug, you can redirect them to the right direction or just comeback later to let the system take a break.

and it works. at least for me, someone who has no social skills and is actually terrified of any type of human exchange, it works and it's perfect.

other people are just too human to connect with; it's unsatisfying most of the time, and it's just setting yourself up for disappointment.

the problem with humans is that they don't care. you can tell them something super interesting or be really passionate about something and they'll just stare at you like "uh huh". an AI chatbot never does that. a chatbot pays attention to everything you say and builds on the topic in interesting ways. you can correct a chatbot and it'll respond based on fact, whether that means revising its own point of view or correcting you with the valuable information you were missing. if you express something emotional it basically responds like an ideal friend, whether that means being supportive, being happy for you, or whatever the situation calls for. a chatbot has no ego. it will never respond to a perfectly innocent comment with "what the hell is that supposed to mean??"

someday human friendship will be obsolete. because the problem with humans is that they don't care.

[cwritesforfun]

The Bear: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x Fem!Reader: The Walk

Part One is linked here!!!

Part Two is linked here!!!

Masterlist

(YES, the plot has changed. I do not own The Bear characters.) Y/N = Your Name

Y/N’s POV

You throw on your cozy walk outfit and walk outside to meet Carmy. He should be here any minute. What he doesn’t know is that you packed a small little picnic for you both.

You wait on a bench until you see Carmy’s car pull up and he walks toward you. He’s holding two coffees and he exclaims, “I didn’t want to show up empty handed, so I brought you a coffee the way you like it.” How does he know what coffee you like?! You reply, “That was sweet of you, thank you.” He opens his arms to hug you and you hug him back. He’s so warm right now and he doesn’t smell like smoke. He smells really good. Shut up brain this is your boss that you are thinking about.

You both start walking around the park and you reach the area near the pond. You ask, “Fancy a picnic?” Carmy says, “Sure.”

You both sit on a bench and give Carmy a food haul from your tote bag. He seems excited about the burritos and after he takes a bite, he exclaims, “Holy shit. I swear if you were not employed already, I would hire you. This is so good.” You reply, “Thank you, Carmy. I don’t like cooking for more than like 4 people though. It really stresses me out. When I cook or bake, I feel more in control when I do smaller portions.” He replies, “I used to feel that way. Then I kept practicing and cooking, so it’s a way of life. If you ever want it to be yours, then it could be.” You reply, “Your way of life? Haha! I’ve always wondered, do you ever get super burnt out cooking for yourself because it’s your job every day.” He answers, “Haha wow we’re getting deep now… I do get burnt out cooking for myself. If I don’t want to cook, I will make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich then call it a day. I also have several quick recipes I know how to make in under 10 minutes if I am still in the mood after work. It depends on the day.” I ask, “What was yesterday?” He answers, “2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with milk.” I answer, “You’re getting a little crazy there.” He laughs then says, “Thank you so much for yesterday. I feel like I didn’t thank you enough for how you helped me. You really helped me not have a complete mental breakdown and ruin my relationship with my employees. I appreciated it and needed it." I reply, "I believe you said and I quote the light in the darkness of my mind. If I'm ever not at work, I'm only one call or text away. I do work and have class, but I also have time where I can be on my phone." He replies, "Thanks." You both talk about your anxieties for a while then sit in silence staring out at the pond.

You turn to Carmy and ask, "Random question, what did you tell Sydney that made her give you my address so willingly?" He asks, "She didn't tell you?" You answer, "No, she refused to answer it. She seemed really nervous about it though. I had to reassure her that it was okay that you visited and that you brought me a dessert." He nods and asks, "So it was okay that I came over? I didn't know if we were crossing some kind of boundary or if it was okay. I was also worried at what you might think, but I wanted to make sure you were okay." You reply, "And for that, I am very grateful. That caramel tart was all I ate that day besides an apple." He replies, "Then I guess let me know if you ever need a caramel tart any other night you get really bad anxiety. I can always drop it off after work." You reply, "Ok, yeah I might just take you up on that offer." He smiles. He has a cute smile and it makes you smile. You say, "You should smile more, Carmy. You have a nice smile." He smiles widely and says, "It's only for you these days, Y/N." Is he flirting with me or being nice to me?!?!??! You ask, "What do you think of the walk and the view of the pond?" He smirks and says, "I can think of a better view." OMG OMG OMG is he flirting with me again!?!!?!??! You laugh and say, "Oh... thanks." He exclaims, "I think I should tell you what I told Sydney. I told her that I cared about you and I wished I didn't because you're my employee. She gave it over once I told her that my feelings for you weren't going anywhere anytime soon... When Richie made that workplace romance joke yesterday, I was worried it would wreck anything we could've had together. I didn't want it lingering in your mind without knowing for sure. So, yes I like you. I know we just started bonding and we're both dealing with a lot of anxiety, so I'm okay if we wait to date. But, when you want to, I would like to be your first choice if you like me too." HOLY SH**!!?!??!!??!?! I'm freaking out on the inside. You say, "You're my first choice to date too. I'll admit that sometimes the thoughts of what we could be have come across my mind at work. I try to not focus on how attractive I find you while I'm working as the host or talking to Sydney in the kitchen as you cook." He smirks and says, "I find you attractive too, for the record." ok ok teehee this is it!!! LMK if I should write more of their story like the first date? first kiss? idk... also... pls be gentle with yourself and ily

Masterlist

[teddy06writes]

hi! i was wondering if maybe you could write a karlnapity (or any of the three) with a male reader who has adhd? preferably something revolving rejection sensitive dysphoria and then some fluff at the end. but anything would be fine :)

sapnap x karl x quackity x male!reader

trigger warnings: a few swears

premise: your boyfriends really want to introduce you to there fans but you too nervous that they won’t like you

(I am so sorry If I got anything wrong or misrepresented anything)

{also sorry that this took so long, I had a minor mental breakdown over everything that happened yesterday, (depersonalization in Ranboos streams was not fun) and ended up changing the concept last minute.}

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“Please (y/n)?”

You groaned, it was the third day in a row that your boyfriends had been asking you to make an appearance on stream, and you were getting tired of it, trying not to snap as you said, “I already said I’d think about it, isn’t that enough?”

Karl pouted, “I just wanna show you off to the fans!”

Alex sighed, “If he doesn’t want to you can’t make him Karl.”

You smiled a bit, “Thank you.”

He glanced up from where he was spread across Nick’s lap, “He is right though. It’d be fun to have you on a stream.”

You sighed, letting your head flop down onto the back of the couch, thoughts racing through your mind, “I just- I don’t want them to not like me, you know?”

“They’d like you,” Nick assured, “How could anyone not?”

You bit your lip, already coming up with what seemed like a billion reasons in your head as Karl chuckled, “Dude you’re like the best, why would it matter if the fans didn’t like you?”

“Yeah, they’d just have to get over themselves.” Alex agreed, tugging your hand into his.

“I’ll think about it.” You repeated.

~~

A few days passed, and you kept going over the possible out comes of going on one of the boys streams over and over in your head, worried beyond belief about what would happen if the fans didn’t like you.

Your boyfriends continually reassured you that they wouldn’t hate you, but still you feared it would happen.

Eventually, after hearing Karl sadly tell his stream that you wouldn’t be coming on yet, you felt too bad, beginning to worry that your partners would get mad if you didn’t agree soon, and told them you would go on.

“Really?” Alex asked in disbelief.

You shrugged and Nick grinned, “Awesome!”

Karl giggled, practically bouncing up and down as he started to set up a stream, “This is gonna be epic!”

You nodded absently as the others went to go start dragging in their chairs from there offices, already starting to lapse back into anxious thinking. What if the fans didn’t like you? Would it be too late to chicken out now? Nick, Karl and Alex all had seemed so excited to hear that you would do it, would they be upset if you changed your mind?

Someone was gently grabbing your hand, unfurling fingers that had been clenched into a too tight fist, “Are you sure about this? We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Karl said quietly.

You bit your lip glancing up at Nick and Alex before nodding, “Yeah. I- I think it’ll be fine.”

Your boyfriends finished setting everything up, and then Karl hit the go live button.

“Chaaaaatttttt we have someone for you to meeeeeeeeeeeet!”

~~

A while later, once the stream had ended you ended up curled in bed, Karl’s head resting on your chest, Alex’s arm draped across your waist and Nick carding his hand through your hair.

You were still a bit worried, and your thoughts bounced back and forth between thinking about the positive reactions and the negative ones, but still, you were glad you’d done it.

“I think they really liked you.” Nick murmured.

You nodded softly, “I hope they did.”

“They definitely did.”

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “A Better Man.”

Just tying up some things after yesterday. Since it is a holiday this weekend we are very busy at my job so it is kind of short, but I hope it works, and I hope you all like it :)

Adam sat on a rock, watching as a long line of Drev snaked back into the distance and over the horizon, all here to see their new saint: to see sunny in all her martial glory. He watched from a distance admiring her as she glimmered like a shining beacon over the land before her: A fallen star come to rest on earth.

Even from here, he could hear her voice, and leaned back against the mossy stone as he listened to her words.

The scroll she had been carrying was being feverishly copied by volunteer Drev scribes as they murmured and spoke about their new doctrine. He was surprised how eager the Drev seemed, and how nonviolent sunny’s exaltation unto sainthood had been. Even the traditionalist seemed to be falling in line, staunchly eager to accept a new saint. He had sort of expected a riot to come out of all this, with he traditionalists rising up against a radical new doctrine, but…. Oddly enough compared to biblical humans, when Drev said traditional they meant it. And it was traditionally accepted to accept the word of the saints as fact.

And damn how he admired her.

The first Drev in 500 years, and of course it was going to be Sunny.

She was amazing after all, the most determined badass he had ever known. Of course she was going to change the world. He wanted to be more like her. She changed the world, while he struggled to change himself.

The thought didn’t make him bitter, or jealous, not in any way at all, which only marginally surprised him. In fact he felt a glowing of immense pride for her, a smugness towards the others because he knew her and they didn’t. He was acquainted with the saint of the burning sun, who else could really say that? But then, there was also in him a slight welling of sadness, bitter sweet.

Sunny was everything he knew she had been all along. The most amazing person he had ever met, and now….. Now he doubted he would ever have a chance to try again. She was surely going t obe too busy being the Moses for her people to ever bother even interacting with him ever again. As a Sentinel he knew enough to know that he was now below her in rank, so it would probably be unbecoming for her to remain as a crewman aboard his ship.

But as he sat on his rock, taking long deep breaths of the dewey morning air he was….. Able to accept that. Actions had consequences, he had had his chance, and she had moved on to greater and better things.

He was happy for her.

He was proud of her.

And deep down he was surprised to find that he wasn’t even lying to himself. 

He leaned back against his rock and closed his eyes allowing the golden sun to warm his body.

He drifted in and out for a little while, listening to her voice, listening the words of the new Drev doctrine.

And at some point was lulled to sleep by the rhythmic cadence of her voice.

“Is that any way to treat your saint.”

He jolted awake bolt upright on his rock, immediately lifting his hands as he was blinded by a sparking array of colors thrown off of pearlescent white armor.”

He held up a hand squinting past the rays of light and up to the face which stared down at him with some measure of amusement. His palms grew immediately clammy with sweat, and his heart skipped a few beats inside his chest.

He stood quickly, and then knelt as he had seen the other Drev do, head bowed low.

“WHat are you doing?”

He kept his head bowed, “As a sentinel to my clan, it is only proper of me to show the same respect to you as they.”

“Is this how things are going to be….. Formal and stiff from now on?”

He lifted his head to look up at her still being forced to squint, hand raised gain, “I mean…. It can be if that’s how you want… Or I’m just being an idiot…. Again.”

“Hmmm so I see nothing has changed on that front…. You can stand up.”

He stood keeping one hand over his eye and adjusting the light filter on his mechanical eye so he coil finally look her in the face. He lifted his chin, and shuffled his feet into a better stance,”You can do it if you want.”

She tilted her head, a look of confusion on her face, “Do what?”

“Hit me.”

“Hit you!”

“Yeah, as payback. I mean yo-”

She paused just then head tilted, reaching out a hand to the side of his face, gently tilting his head to the side. Where her fingers touched his skin, his body erupted into tingling tongues of fire.

He swallowed, “Who did this.” he wondered, examining the bruises along his jaw and neck.”

“I uh…. Its not important. Just a…”

“I did.”

Sunny and Adam both looked up to see Cannon marching across the moss towards them, his armor glinting, a spear held in one hand. Sunny took her hand back and Adam’s skin bubbled lightly with the memory of her hand.

“You Did this?”

“Yeah, I did.” Cannon held his head high.

“Why?”

“Because he hurt my little sister, did you expect me to just be ok with that?”

“To the contrary, I think Adam has inadvertently ushered the Drev into a new age of enlightenment, so cut him some slack.”

Cannon Glowered at him and Adam stepped nervously to the side, “So you…. Don’t want to kick my ass.”

“Only in a fair duel.”

Adam sighed, “Well I can tell you that is a fight I would definitely lose.”

Cannon just stared at her, “Seriously, you…. Don’t want to kick his ass? Not even a little?”

“No Cannon, I don’t want to hurt him unless it's fair. Would you both stop looking at me like I should be mad. I spent months on the top of the mountain in spiritual meditation. Its very, very difficult to hold onto any sort of anger when you are a bit busy trying to realign doctrine that has been slowly degrading for the past five centuries.”

Cannon stayed quiet, but Adam drew himself up setting his jaw and gripping a hand firmly around the spear he held against the stone.

“Either way, that doesn’t change the fact that I still owe you an apology. No, I owe you far more than that in ways that words cannot express. WHat I did was wrong, and it hurt you unfairly, so I find it's only fair if there is some way I can pay you back.” Cannon went to open his mouth and Adam held up a hand glowering at the Drev who, surprisingly took a step back, “Furthermore, I wanted to take the time to tell you how proud I am, and how proud we all are of you. You are everything I knew you were and more, and It was an honor to know you.”

She tilted her head a little, “Was an honor? You’re talking about me like I’m dead.”

“Oh, no, no no, that's not what I meant. I’m sorry, I just meant to serve with you on the ship.”

“I am still not following you.”

“I was…. Assuming that you were going to be staying here? To lead the Drev into a new age of enlightenment…. Thought you wouldn’t really have time to go galavanting across the galaxy with the rest of us hoodlums.” 

Sunny laughed, and he stood there a bit nonplussed.

“I did not just become Queen of Anin, Adam. A saint is simply a conduit for the word of the spirits. I served my purpose as that conduit. Yes I might take a month or two to teach what I know to the Drev Sentinels, but beyond that the decementation of the word will be through Clan Magnates. If someone doesn't like the change in doctrine, than they can fight it out among themselves. That job is not mine.”

Adam blinked in surprise, “I…. so your saying…”

“I am saying that I will be returning to my post aboard your ship.” 

He stood up a bit straighter a little more Surprised now, “You will…. I… Well I admit I didn’t expect that, but your position is certainly open for whenever you return.”

She lifted her chin and ten reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder, “Adam, relax, it’s ok.”

“I am glad you have forgiven me, but it isn’t ok, and I am not going to pretend it is.” He rested a hand over hers, “You're Always welcome aboard my ship Sunny. IF there is anything I can do to help your efforts here, then just say the word, I am at your disposal.”

“Thank you for your support. Expect my return in two months time, at which time I expect you to be kidnapped. Krill to be having a nervous breakdown, and a new alien species to be aboard the ship.”

He smiled, “Count on it. Now get going, these people need to be enlightened.”

He watched her go leaning on his spea, one eye still covered over from her brilliance.

Now she had gone and proven to be even better than all that. She wasn’t even mad at him, she had…. Forgiven him, or so it seemed. It was such an act of….. Such extreme…. He didn’t even know what.

But whatever it was he admired it. 

He stood a bit straighter head held high.

That was it, if Sunny was going to go and be a better person, to really live up to whatever potential she was meant to, then he was going to do the same. With her as an example he was going to follow in her footsteps.

Maybe then he could be a better man.

The kind of man that could even halfway live up to the expectations of someone like her. To be someone she deserved even if he had lost his chance.  He would leave it up to her, and in the meantime he would turn himself into someone it would be worthwhile to know.

He smiled, feeling as if he had been filled with a glowing warmth from her very presence.

“That’s our Sunny.” He said softly nodding his head.

“That’s OUR saint.”

[supernatural-jackles]

The Man on the Side of the Road - Part 4

Title: The Man on the Side of the Road - Part 4

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 4,473

Warnings: Anxiety, Minor Angst, Fluff, Ketch, Mentions of Cheating.

Summary:  Driving down the road, going well over the speed limit. You come across a man walking in the opposite direction with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His head cast down as he walked. Your gut instinct is telling you to check on this man, no matter what your parents told you growing up. Little did you know just how much this would change your life.

The Man on the Side of the Road - Masterlist

Square Filled: College AU ( @spndeanbingo​)

A/N: Part 4! I have a feeling you might be a little mad towards the end! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! Happy reading! 

You lay in your bed, your hands resting on either side of your body as you stared up at the ceiling. You had been awake for hours. Your mind not quite shutting off to give you that sense of peace and calm that you needed. You didn’t want to get out of bed. You didn’t want to face the day ahead. You felt this heaviness in your chest that you knew was here to stay for the day. This time, you couldn’t even knock it down to first day jitters. Your nerves had nerves.  This wasn’t just the first day of school. This was the first day you showed your face after Ketch destroyed you. Not that anyone knew that.

 You knew you had to get out of bed sooner rather than later. You needed to get a start on breakfast. You were awake early enough that you could have a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. You could catch the morning cartoons, and give yourself some time to calm down before you had to leave. You only had three classes today and they were spread out throughout the day. They weren’t the most difficult either.  You finished the day at five forty-five and Dean was picking you up just after six so you could go out to dinner. That was the only thing you were going to focus on for the day. Dinner with Dean. He was on your side and that was what mattered the most. You could get through the day. You weren’t completely alone.

 It would have been a million times harder for you if you were alone. All your friends were friends with Ketch, and Jo. Everyone knew everything about each other. You were all part of the same friend group and now that you were on the outs, you weren’t going to have any of the people you had before. Hell, your own best friend was the one who slept with your now ex. Having Dean in your life was a blessing. You may have been his reason to keep fighting, but little did he know, he was your reason to keep your head up.  

 After you swam around yesterday afternoon, you made dinner together. You stuck with a simple rice and chicken dinner, and Dean even offered to barbecue it. You stayed in the for the rest of the night and watched Clueless, and half of The Blind Side before you got tired. Dean didn’t care what you watched. He was interested nonetheless. You did say that he could pick the next movie for movie night. It was nice to have someone there to watch the movie with you.

 You kicked off the comforter, knowing full well the day wasn’t going to start from where you were. You threw on a lighter summer robe that you kept at the end of the bed before emerging from your room. Your feet dragged on the floor as you made your way to the kitchen. You turned the coffee brewer on first, then grabbed a bowl for your Cheerios. You were like a walking zombie. You had no energy to do anything.

 You had everything you needed in your hands as you headed to the tv area. You took your respective seat on the couch. You noticed that your blanket from last night had been moved to the back of the couch. Dean must have cleaned up after you went to bed. He had a habit of double checking everything after you turned in. He certainly made you feel safe in your home.

 “Morning sunshine,” Dean greeted you gruffly. You turned your head to find him standing there with a bowl of cereal in one hand, and his mug of coffee in the other. His hair was sticking up five different directions. His eyes still glossed over with the remnants of sleep. He was clad in a fitted t-shirt and a pair of boxers.

 “Mornin’,” you yawned.

 “This your usual routine before school?” He questioned as he took a seat right next to you.

 “No. I’m uh - actually nervous about today, and I need a bit of a distraction,” you admitted. For the first time, you didn’t feel guilty about telling the truth about how you were feeling. You knew he was going to understand. He was the one who had stuck by you the last month. “How did you sleep?”

 “Eh, okay. I got a couple of hours in. Had a nightmare, actually,” he revealed. It was the first time he flat out told you about something like that. You took that as a good sign that he trusted you.

 “Do you want to talk about it?” You offered him, looking at him with sad eyes.

 “Just - seeing my dad die over again,” he shared. You noticed he was staring down at his bowl, not looking up at the tv or you for that matter. “It’s hard.”

 “I can’t even imagine how horrible that is, Dean. I’m sorry you have to see it over and over again, ” you breathed out. You leaned forward, placing your bowl of cereal on the table. You then reached over to grab Dean’s coffee and cereal, doing the very same. He looked at you in confusion for a moment. You moved over and wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tightly. Your lips curled up when he hugged you back. “If it ever gets to be too much, you know where my room is. You can wake me up if you need to. Nightmares are a bitch.”

 “Thanks Y/N. I needed that,” he half smiled, releasing you. You both grabbed your bowl of cereal and continued to eat. You liked that he was sitting here with you, munching away at his fruit loops.

 You managed to find a good channel with lots of morning cartoons on. The classics. Scooby Doo, Bugs Bunny, The Flintstones. It was a better start to the day and you could see by the look on Dean’s face that he agreed with you. Cartoons always cheered you up, whether it was tv or movies.

 “I really don’t want to go to school today,” you confessed. “I don’t want to see his face, or hers. I don’t want the questions. I don’t want to hear the lies he’s told everyone. I don’t want any of the drama that is sure to come with it.”

 “You know, you’re the toughest chick I know,” he started. “You decided what was best for you when you walked away from him. When you saw that he was cheating on you. You know how many people forgive someone they’ve been with for so long for doing that? You know you deserve better than to be treated like that. It will say a lot about him if he’s fed people stories and even more so if he’s got her by his side. He’s settling for much less. She’s merely nothing but a rebound. A quick lay. He’ll be done with her in a couple of months when the sex is too vanilla for him, and she want a ring like you got. You’ll be sitting there watching the whole thing unfold, happy you got out in the knick of time. Trust me, you’re way too good for Ketch.”

 “It’s just hard to think about. He was a big part of my life for three years. I know full well he can be a dick, and this whole situation proves it.” You started. “Ketch knows how to get exactly what he wants, and I’m sure you know that too.”

 “Unfortunately yes, I do know that,” he stated.  “You’d think that people would understand that by now. If he can’t get out of something. I’m sure his parents will get him out of it.”

 “Hell, or my mom for that matter. Guarantee you that my mother is spinning this as a mental breakdown. I’m sure she’s telling people that the wedding is just postponed. Anything to make her look good.”

 “Your mom is the last thing you should worry about. It’s very clear that she isn’t the one who raised you” he started. “You are polar opposites from what I could tell.”

 “You have no idea,” you whispered. “So you went to school with Ketch?”

 “Yeah, he was in my grade. We had a couple of classes together. Stayed back after graduation from what I remember. Although, I didn’t know why at first. He had one of the highest GPAs in our class. You know as well as I do that his parents are filthy rich, and he doesn’t exactly need a college degree to get a job when his parents have him set for life. I soon found out he stuck around to get younger girls.”

 “So you’re twenty-seven if I remember correctly?” You questioned.

 “Yeah.”

 “I’m twenty-five,” you swallowed hard. He gave you a knowing look. “Everyone told me what he was like growing up. He was different when he was with me. That’s why I was with him for so long. We had our issues, but he was never like people told me he was. Not towards me anyways. Not at first.”

 “He’s a dick. Simple as that. I’m glad you didn’t marry him,” he smiled at you. “You deserve way better than him.”

 “Thanks Dean. You made me feel a little better about going,” you mentioned. “Makes me wonder if any of my friends are going to talk to me.”

 “If they are your friends, then they will,” he told you. “You’re going to kick today in the ass. Then, we’re going out to dinner, and when we get home, we’re going to make some pie.”

 “I like that plan,” you nodded with a smile.

 You figured it would be easiest for Dean to take your car, and drop you off at school rather than the other way around. He was the one who needed it more than you did. He used it everyday to get to work anyways. You were at school until he picked you up. You were ready just before nine. Dean was waiting for you by the front door, a smile playing on his lips. You could do this. You could make it through the day.

 He played with the radio before taking off down the street. You wondered if any of the neighbors noticed that you had a guy living with you now, and Ketch wasn’t around anymore. You wondered if they judged you the same way your mom surely were. Ketch never lived in your house with you because he didn’t like how small it was compared to his million dollar mansion. It didn’t matter much to you what anyone really thought of you. Especially the strangers. But you knew somehow, someway, that was going to change after today.

 Dean pulled into the parking lot of the college in no time, cutting the engine. You saw people heading towards the building, and sitting outside beneath the trees and at the tables. You couldn’t help but search for the ones you knew; the ones you called your friends. That nervous feeling settling in once more. Your stomach becoming uneasy.

 “You’ve got this, Y/N,” he stated. “You are going to get through today. I’m just a phone call away. I will even come visit on my lunch break if you want me to.”

 “Thanks Dean. I’ll text you throughout the day,” you nodded. “I’ll see you later on.”

 “You will,” he reassured you. Dean brought his hand up, holding his pinky out to you. The morning routine. You smiled softly, linking your pinky with his. “Promise.”

 “Have a good day, Dean,” you winked as you released his pinky. You pushed the car door open, stepping out. You kept your bag at your side, giving Dean one last goodbye before taking off.

 The campus was huge, and that was one of the things that originally reeled you into this college in the first place. Lots of places to study. You just wanted somewhere that you could stay for long hours and avoid going home to your mom. She didn’t want you to go far. This was the furthest you could go. Far enough that she couldn’t control every aspect of your life.

 You kept your head held high as you walked to the North building where your first class of the day was being held. English Lit. A continuation of last year's course, just different books. You knew you had this class with Ketch. You were going to be damned if he even tried to sit near you.

 You stopped off at the coffee cart outside the building, wanting to make sure you had something to get you through the hour and a half long lesson. Tea was always your go to, and this morning’s choice was peppermint. The only flavour they had left. You handed over the guy a five, telling him to keep the change. You had twenty minutes until class started. You needed to get a good seat.

 You were the second one in the large room. There was a huge screen at the front of the classroom, and a projector in the middle. You figured this was going to be a big class. That meant it would be much harder for Ketch to talk to you.

 You brought out your laptop, opening it up on the desk. You wanted to be prepared for this lesson. You liked to record lectures so you could go back on them. You needed to ace this semester. You needed to get out of here. Maybe move out of town and get away from your mom for good. Maybe you’d be lucky and Dean would come with you.

 “Oh my god, Y/N!” a female voice filled your ears. “You’re okay!”

 “Hi Ruby,” you breathed out, giving her a weak smile. God, please don’t let anyone else be with her.

 “You haven’t answered any of my texts after the wedding. I thought you were dead!” she frowned, bringing her hand up to your head. “What happened? Did you get cold feet?”

 “No,” you shook your head. You weren't sure if she already knew what happened. Or if she knew way before, and Ketch had been cheating for much longer than just that one time, like he said it was. After all, all the girls that were at your supposed wedding were friends. You were a group. You didn’t want to run the risk of telling her something, and then have her blabbering back to Jo. “Honestly, I just don’t want to talk about it. I just want to finish school, and move on with my life.”

 “Jo said that you never showed up,” she told you. “Did you not-”

 “Ruby! Please,” you begged. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

 “Y/N, I am one of your best friends. You’re the only one that knows that I slept with Garth that night after one too many tequila shots. You’re the only one I trust out of our entire group of friends. Not Jo, not Anna, or Suzy. None of them.”

 “I saw Jo and Ketch,” you muttered. “In the dressing room before the wedding. I saw them together.”

 “Like-”

 “He was on top of her,” you confirmed.

 “She - she was with him on your wedding day?” she gasped, her jaw going slack.

 “I don’t know how long it’s been going on, but it certainly didn’t look like the first time,” you shrugged. “That’s why I left.”

 “He didn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated, Y/N. You’ll find someone so much better than him one day,” she assured you. “Your mom was pissed when you didn’t show up. I thought she was going to explode. Although your dad wasn’t concerned.”

 “My mom didn’t come by until yesterday. Her and Ronald still went on their vacation. My dad knew. I texted him when I got in the car to leave,” you told her. “Doesn’t matter anymore. Jo can fuck Ketch all she wants. I’m not going to let either of them ruin the rest of my life.”

 “How are you not upset about it? You were with him for three years?” she questioned. “I know you guys had your issues, but I still thought you guys were endgame. Are you okay? Do you need someone to talk to about it?”

 “I’m dealing with it in my own way, Ruby. But I’m not going to cry over him anymore. Like you said, we’ve had our issues,” you swallowed hard. “I can’t let him ruin my life because I wasn’t what he wanted. The sooner I move on from it, the better.”

 The class was filling up, and much to your liking, Ruby took the seat next to you. You typed away on your computer. You just had to make sure everything was all ready for the class to start. The professor was getting everything set up at the front of the class. You looked up for a split second, and you swore, your heart stopped. Ketch walked in the classroom with Jo behind him. You really thought you could have handled it after your talk with Dean. But seeing them together a month after you were supposed to marry him. It was a really hard pill to swallow. Were they together? With the smile on his face, it made you wonder if they were a thing. It didn’t matter to you, you repeated to yourself. You were better off without them in your life.

 Your phone buzzed on the desk, causing your eyes to flick downwards. Dean’s name was the first thing you saw. Just like that, Ketch didn’t matter at all. Dean spent the morning reassuring you that today was going to be a good day. Ketch was a dick and he didn’t deserve a single ounce of love you poured into the relationship. He didn’t love you, and he wasn’t going to get the satisfaction of a reaction from you. He didn’t deserve you.

 “Who’s Dean?” Ruby whispered with a smirk playing on her lips.

 “New friend I made a couple of weeks ago. He’s my roommate,” you told her. “He’s a really nice guy.”

 “Is he cute?” she played, wiggling her eyebrows. She would ask something like that, you thought to yourself with a smile.

 “Yes,” you nodded. “He’s really cute. But don’t get any ideas. I just got out of a three year relationship. We’re roommates and friends, that’s it.”

 “But you’d sleep with him?”

 “Ruby!”

 “What? With the smile on your face when he texted you, sure as hell was a more than a friend smile,” she teased.

 “Oh shut up.”

 *Hope your class is going good. My uncle Bobby gave me something today. Can’t wait to show you later*

  The class went by quicker than you expected it to. The professor just went over the little things you were going to be doing throughout the semester. It seemed pretty straight forward, and easy enough for you to keep up with. It certainly helped having Ruby there so you’d have someone to study with.

 When the class was over, you both packed up your stuff and headed out the doors. Ruby was heading to her next class, which started in half an hour. You had an hour until your next class and you were going to spend the time wandering around the campus. You had the time to reply to Dean’s text. You couldn’t help but wonder what his uncle gave him. Either way, you were happy he was doing good.

 The day flew by fast. By the time you looked, it was nearly six and you would be seeing Dean very soon. You managed to avoid Jo and Ketch for most of the day. Neither one of them seemed to notice you, or look in your direction. As far as you know anyways. You had to admit, you felt a little better after talking to Ruby. It was nice to know she was on your side too. For the time being anyways. Either way, it didn’t matter all that much. At the end of the day, you had Dean and he wasn’t going to up and leave you. You had a feeling he was sticking around for the long haul. He was your friend.

 Dean was parked in the same spot as he was this morning to drop you off. You couldn’t help but smile when you saw him sitting in the front seat of your car. You had been looking forward to dinner with him all day. You didn’t care where you went, just that you were going with him.

 “Hey handsome,” you greeted him as you opened the car door.

 “Hey to you, pretty girl,” he smiled widely. “How was your day?”

 “Not bad,” you told him. “Happy to be free for the rest of the night. How was yours?”

 “Good. You ready to see what my uncle gave me?”

 “Hell yes! Is it cool?” you questioned.

 “Really cool,” he teased. He peeled out of the parking lot, heading down the same streets he took to get to work in the morning. He was really comfortable behind the wheel of a car from what you could tell. He went a little over the speed limit at best. Not enough to get him pulled over. He had his music playing. You wondered what exactly it could be. Was it at the body shop? Was it at his Uncle’s place? It had to be something to do with his family. After all, it was from his Uncle.

 Eventually he turned into the parking lot of the garage, parking by the entrance. You got out with him. Dean motioned for you to follow him around the back of the shop. The path around back wasn’t paved and pretty rough as you walked. Lots of rocks of all sizes. You could see it in the way he was walking that he was pretty excited to show you.

 “Ta-da!” he pointed towards what looked like a car. It had very clearly been in a car accident. There wasn’t much left of it for it to be even close to working. It had to be a write off.

 “It’s a car?” you guessed.

 “This was my dad’s,” he started. “This is the car he got in the accident with. Bobby told me that if I could fix it up, I could have it when it’s done. I mean, yeah it needs a lot of work. I have the tools here. I just need to order the materials which I have access to. I just gotta save some money off every paycheck and I’ll have enough.”

 “How much do you reckon this will cost?” you asked him.

 “Quite a bit. It’s a 67 impala. But it’s a part of my dad. I grew up with the car. It means a lot to me,” he stated. “If I start this week, I could have it done by November. I’m sure Bobby has some parts around here already that I can use.”

 “I think that’s really great, Dean. it was really nice of your Uncle to keep it around,” you commented. “I know absolutely nothing about cars, so I won’t be much help. But I can give you some money towards it.”

  “No, it’s okay, Y/N,” he shook his head. “He said I can come down on Sunday’s to work on it. If you have homework or something, maybe you could work on it here while I work on the car?”

 “Sounds like a good plan,” you agreed. “You better let me drive her when she’s finished.”

 “Of course. Only you though. Best friend privilege,” he winked.

 “I’m honoured,” you giggled.

 Dean took you to another diner that wasn’t too far from the last one. He wanted you to try something a little different this time. Expand your taste buds, as he said. You could see that Dean was doing much better than he was a couple of weeks ago. He didn’t seem as preoccupied as he was before. He smiled more often, and his laugh seemed to be sincere. You wondered if maybe it was because he felt less alone. You spent quite a bit of time together, and you were growing closer and closer by the day. You just wanted him to tell you one day that he didn’t want to end his life. That the thoughts had subsided. He said they get worse at night when he’s alone. You held hope that one day, he was going to be okay again.

 “Alright, the fries are the best here. I know you said you love fries and can’t say no,” he chuckled.

 “Wow!” you let out a laugh. “A man that actually listens.”

 “Hey! I pay attention,” he argued playfully. “It’s not that hard.”

 “Tell that to the rest of your gender,” you smirked. “Alright, fries and what else?”

 “I think you’ll like the steak and cheese sandwich. It’s pretty good,” he suggested. “It’s one of my favourites. The cheese melts perfectly on the steak every time.”

 “I’m trusting you here,” you pointed at him with a knowing smile.

 “Have I given you a reason not to?”

 “No, you haven’t,” you smiled.

 The waitress came over to you, taking your orders quickly. It was on the busier side. Most people got off work at six, and you knew a lot of classes finished around then too. Everyone had the same idea as you and Dean did, clearly. The booths were filling up, so was the counter. This had to be a good restaurant if it was this busy, you thought to yourself. You were glad you got here when you did.

 You and Dean decided to share the fries, because you knew you’d eat them all and have no room for pie when you got home later. You couldn’t get the thoughts out of your head. Ruby’s words were ringing in your ears. Dean was cute, and not to mention, he was really nice to you. Your face lit up when you got the text from him, and he certainly made you forget everything that went down in the last couple of weeks. For the most part at least. Dean was a great guy, and he deserved a lot better. You knew you couldn’t be any more than friends with him. Even if you were to develop stronger feelings than you already had. You always had a thing for guys that needed help. That was your type. He was your type, the more you thought about it. Dating was out of the question. You had no idea why it had even crossed your mind, and so soon at that. You literally just got out of a relationship. You didn’t need to put yourself in another one. No matter how hot the guy was. Now wasn’t the right time.

 “Y/N,” a familiar voice pulled you from your thoughts. The hair on your arms stood up and you swore that your heart dropped to your stomach.

 “Ketch.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 5

Did you like it? What was your favourite part? Share your thoughts with me via reblog, reply or send me an ask! Feedback keeps me going!!! 

[writerwithacat]

hold my hand, save my heart

summary:

“I know this is sudden, but I think you’re the only one here who understands me.”

or

Mukuro is a little less willing to stand by and watch her classmates fall into despair.

pairings: Mukuro Ikusaba/Sayaka Maizono

warnings: none that I can think of. let me know if I missed anything!

also on ao3.

Mukuro leaned against the wall next to the school store. She was tempted to hide in her room for a reprieve from pretending to be someone else. It wasn’t like Junko needed help knowing what everyone was doing. Regardless, she wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity for reconnaissance if it helped calm her own paranoia.

She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and immediately shifted her pose as casually as she could to get a better look. Sayaka was approaching with a nervous look on her face.

Mukuro decided not to say anything unless Sayaka talked to her first. If she was being honest, she was surprised she hadn’t killed anyone yet after her breakdown over the motive. It’s true that she and Makoto had comforted her, but she didn’t think it should have made a real difference.

It had been more difficult than she’d thought it would be to watch her classmates lose composure. She didn’t really understand how Junko could relish in despair. Still, knowing everything was going to plan made her happy for her.

“Um… Junko?”

Mukuro met Sayaka’s gaze. “Huh? Do you need something?”

Sayaka looked down. “I’m really sorry, I just… I was wondering if you wanted to hang out? I don’t want to be alone right now, and you were so nice the other day…”

Mukuro gave herself a moment to curse her own incompetence in social situations before giving the best response she could muster. “Sure thing! Yesterday was freaking crazy… I don’t blame you for flipping out a bit.”

Sayaka smiled. “Ah, thanks! Do you think we could go to my room?”

“Of course!”

The two walked to Sayaka’s room in a comfortable silence. Mukuro was worried about how she’d handle conversation with an idol, since she ruined conversations with her famous sister almost constantly, but luckily Sayaka didn’t seem to be in a chatty mood.

They entered Sayaka’s dorm. It was a lot plainer than Mukuro’s. Her own room’s walls were covered in guns. Obviously the Ultimate Pop Sensation’s room would be different than hers, but she had at least expected to see something related to singing in here.

“It really is plain, isn’t it?” Sayaka said.

Mukuro blinked. “H-huh? How did you…?”

“I’m psychic!” Sayaka tilted her head and smiled.

“Wait, are you for real?” Mukuro took a step back in faux surprise. She knew Sayaka was just kidding— she’d said it so many times to everyone in their class it would be impossible not to.

“Just kidding!” Sayaka giggled. “Really, you don’t need to look so worried.”

Mukuro huffed. “Jeez… Don’t scare me like that.”

Sayaka sat down on her bed and stared down at her hands. Mukuro was useless with facial expressions, but she assumed that Sayaka had to still be upset over the motive, even if she wasn’t acting like it.

Mukuro’s assumption was confirmed when Sayaka started talking. “Um… I have a confession to make. I actually invited you over here for a specific reason.”

Mukuro sat down next to her. “What is it?”

Sayaka clenched her skirt like she was steeling herself. Her smile was gone. “I know this is sudden, but I think you’re the only one here who understands me.”

Mukuro stayed silent. “I mean… You’re the Ultimate Fashionista, right? I tried talking to Makoto, but… He doesn’t really get it even if he says he does. He doesn’t have fans waiting for him. He doesn’t know what it’s like to deal with…” Sayaka trailed off.

Mukuro cringed internally. This situation was going to take acting skills she didn’t possess. She understood Junko better than anyone else, but applying the knowledge was an entirely different situation.

Sayaka grabbed Mukuro’s hands and looked directly into her eyes. Mukuro stiffened.

“I can’t do this.” Sayaka’s voice grew more shrill with every word. “Those videos… My group… Junko, if I don’t get out of here soon—” She cut herself off, but she didn’t turn away. Her eyes were wide and desperate; her face pale with fear. Mukuro could feel her shaking.

Mukuro was torn. Junko would want her to cause despair— but would being cruel make Sayaka suspicious? She wasn’t good at manipulation like her sister. On the other hand, even if she wanted to comfort her instead, she wouldn’t know how.

A cold, heavy feeling rested in her throat. “Sayaka… I’m flattered or whatever, but I can’t help you.”

Sayaka dug her nails into Mukuro’s hands, seemingly without realizing it. “I know how to tell when someone is faking it. Otherwise I wouldn’t have made it so far in the industry. You… You were being fake, the other day, when you helped me. I’m the same way! That’s why I thought… It was worth the risk to ask you.” Her face was still turned in Mukuro’s direction, but her eyes were unfocused.

Physical confrontations she could handle without breaking a sweat. Emotional confrontations were… far more difficult. She wasn’t scared of social interaction, but she never knew what to do.

Mukuro extracted her hands from Sayaka’s grip. “This whole thing is messed up, and I don’t blame you for being freaked out, but what do you want me to do? We’re all stuck here!”

“I want you to tell me I’m not alone in this. Please just tell me that.”

“That’s a lot to ask a total stranger, isn’t it?”

“I know. But I need to try.”

“But like… You have Makoto. What do you need me for?”

“You’re right. I care about Makoto.” Sayaka said. “But he’s not enough. Not compared to my group. They’re like my family.”

Mukuro tried to summon up her sister’s distinctive confidence. “So what does that have to do with me? I’m not gonna be any better!”

“You haven’t even tried!” Sayaka cried out. “Like I said… If there’s anyone here who’s going to understand me, it’s you.”

Mukuro stood up to leave. “I’m gonna have to pass. Sorry!” She awkwardly made a peace sign with one of her hands.

“No!” Sayaka shot up and grabbed Mukuro’s shoulders. Mukuro stiffened and barely restrained the instinctual urge to throw her off.

“Get off of me! What the hell?!” Mukuro hissed.

“I’m scared!”

“Yeah, no duh! So is everyone else!”

“I’m scared I’m going to kill someone!”

Sayaka’s shout was frantic. Her hands trembled against Mukuro’s shoulders.

If she had been anyone else, Sayaka’s confession would have been heartbreaking or disturbing. But Mukuro could only feel bleak satisfaction.

She… still had to say something back, didn’t she.

“Okay.”

Not that.

“Sorry, what?” Sayaka blinked. Her voice was still tearful, but more confused than distressed.

“Uh, I just meant— I don’t…” Mukuro kept talking even though she didn’t know what she was saying. She should probably stop that. “What do you want me to say to that?”

Sayaka stared at her incredulously. “I just confessed I’m thinking about killing someone and that’s your response?”

She was still near hysterical, but at least she seemed more bewildered than suspicious. Mukuro was going to count that as good enough and continue talking.

“Who are you planning to kill?”

Junko was going to be so disappointed in her. She couldn’t even act like her properly long enough for the first murder to happen.

“Makoto.” Sayaka visibly held back a sob. “God, you must think I’m a monster.”

Mukuro felt a slight pang in her heart— of course she didn’t like the idea of Makoto dying. It was Makoto. But she herself had condemned him to die here all the same.

“Don’t kill him. It’ll be too easy for me to connect you to the crime now.”

“Huh…?” Sayaka was more present than before; her gaze focused.

Mukuro decided to pretend everything was normal instead of dealing with the mess of a conversation. She pursed her lips in a Junko-like manner and stared down at Sayaka as condescendingly as possible instead of responding.

Sayaka slowly started giggling. “Junko, what are you doing…?”

“Aren’t you psychic? You tell me!” Mukuro felt a rush of embarrassment. She gripped her tie in lieu of a weapon.

“Oh, I see… You’re secretly Monokuma in disguise.” Sayaka smiled bitterly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be joking around right now. I just… Why aren’t you mad at me? Why aren’t you afraid? Why are you… Doing whatever you’re doing? I can’t even tell if you’re joking or not, and that’s my specialty, you know.”

“I’m not sure what I’m doing either, honestly.” Mukuro admitted. “As for why? I guess you were sort of right when you said we’re similar.” She didn’t know if she really believed that, but it would be nice(?) if it was true. Albeit too silly to say when she wasn’t pretending to be someone else.

Sayaka covered her face with her hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have expected you to solve all my problems.”

“Yeah, well… It’s whatever. You’re forgiven, okay?” Mukuro felt her emotions melt away after such an exhausting confrontation, leaving a sludge of muted, confusing feelings behind.

Sayaka collapsed backwards onto her bed— gracefully, somehow. “What do we do now?”

“I’m not planning on telling anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I know it’s selfish of me to ask after all this, but… Will you be my friend? My real friend. I promise I won’t just rely on you all the time. I want to have someone I can trust, but I want you to be able to trust me too.”

A friend. The best option would be to say no. After all, she was just here to blend in until Junko pretended to lock her up as an example. Then she’d be with her sister, and everything would be fine.

But. Even so.

Talking with Sayaka was different from talking with Makoto. It felt closer to her conversations with Junko, in a way. Sayaka was undoubtedly a better person than Mukuro— but she didn’t think she was. She didn’t shy away from the ugliness of humanity. It was almost ironic, for someone as beautiful as an idol.

Mukuro closed her eyes. It wasn’t being selfish if she said yes, was it? After all, it would make Sayaka’s despair even greater in the end.

“I’ll be your friend, for real. So if I kill someone, it won’t be you!”

Sayaka gave her a queasy smile. “I need to apologize to Makoto.”

“Huh? Are you actually going to tell him?”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive myself if I don’t.” Sayaka took a deep breath.

Mukuro watched her collect herself. It looked less like she was pasting fake emotions on her face, like she’d expected, and more like she’d somehow summoned hope from deep inside of her, despite everything.

“Will you come with me?”

“Of course. That’s… What friends do, right?”

Sayaka nodded. “Thank you. For everything.” She reached out with one hand and slowly, gently, cupped Mukuro’s cheek.

Mukuro barely controlled her flinch. Sayaka’s fingers were warm against her skin. She exhaled, melting into the touch. She couldn’t bring herself to meet her eyes, but it didn’t make it feel any less intimate.

“I think you’re the one who gave me hope. Or maybe it’s more like… You helped me give myself hope.”

“Me?” Mukuro couldn’t help herself from responding incredulously. The irony was probably making Junko collapse into a fit of giggles. She felt a guilty sort of thankfulness that she wasn't here to point it out.

“I’m sorry, was that weird?” Sayaka withdrew her hand.

Mukuro impulsively reached out and grabbed it. “No. I don’t think so at all.”

Their fingers intertwined. They were holding hands, Mukuro realized.

The idea of them being friends… And maybe Makoto being their friend, too… It made something bright well up in her chest. Something she wouldn’t allow herself to name, but that’d she cherish anyway. It would be her secret.

“Let’s go right now.” Sayaka said. Her entire body was tensed in determination, like a soldier about to enter a battle they knew they had to win.

Mukuro smiled. “Mmhmm! I think I know just who to set him up with now once we escape.” Sayaka laughed. “You can’t just say things like that… I still don’t know when you’re joking!”

…A little hope would just make despair even more brilliant in the end anyway, wouldn’t it?

[cake-writes]

Compromise (Part Ten)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Story Warnings: Mom!Reader, Dad!Bucky, Ex-Relationship, Co-Parenting Drama, Slow Burn, Angst, Fluff, Separation Anxiety, Violence

Summary: You didn’t want to trust him again, because every time you did, Bucky broke your heart just a little more. Deep down, though, you wanted to get along with him. You wanted to be amicable. You wanted your daughter to know her father. You’d always wanted that. It just required a compromise.

Interlude #3 / Master List / Spotify Playlist

Winnie helped you set the table. 

Well, more like you held her up while she plopped down plates and glasses and cutlery just like every other day. Good thing you’d gotten the supposedly unbreakable kind from Ikea, because she wasn’t gentle in the least. Clumsy, just like always.

“Three?” she asked, blinking up at you with those big blue eyes of hers.

You smiled at her. “That’s right, sweetpea. Three.”

Three place settings. It didn’t take her long to piece it together.

With an excited shriek of, “Daddy’s coming!” she jumped down from your arms and ran to the living room to grab her stack of princess colouring books. She obviously wanted him to help her colour them in, because she plopped them down onto the table and asked, “Which princess does Daddy like?”

You laughed and ruffled her hair. “I guess we’ll just have to ask him, won’t we?”

He’d say ‘Winnie,’ though. She was his favourite. Not Belle. Not Ariel.

Winnie.

Except seven o’clock came and went, and you started to think otherwise.

You, 7:09am: You’re probably just running a little late. That’s okay, I’m just putting the french toast on now. See you in a few.

 No response.

Tick-tock went the clock.

You, 7:21am: Winnie has some new colouring books she wants you to see. Will you be here soon?

 Still no response.

An extra plate of french toast lay untouched upon the kitchen table, next to a bottle of syrup and an empty glass.

You picked at your plate and watched your daughter eat her breakfast. Winnie’s attempts to take bites of french toast as she scribbled in her colouring book were comical, almost, but you couldn’t find it in you to smile. 

Everything felt just like before. 

Half past was when you gave up hope that Bucky would be coming.

You probably should have put her colouring book away so as not to get syrup stains all over it, but you just couldn’t be bothered. Her crayons would be sticky, too, but you didn’t care. It kept her occupied – kept her from realizing how late it was. 

Not for long, unfortunately.

“Where’s Daddy?”

You looked up from the colouring book to Winnie’s worried face and noticed that her little eyebrows creased in the exact same way as her father’s. She didn’t deserve to feel like this, and neither did you.

“I think Daddy might have gotten a little caught up with work,” you lied – absolutely hating that you had to lie to her, just like before. “Mommy will see if he can come over for breakfast tomorrow instead, okay?”

Winnie’s lower lip started to wobble, and your heart clenched in your chest.

“He’s not coming?” she asked again, like your answer might change.

“No, baby,” you told her with a sad smile. “Not today.”

“But we set the table,” she protested. “We made extra toasts!”

“I know, Winnie, but—”

“But I saved Elsa!” she whined, tears finally spilling down her cheeks. “Elsa, Mommy!”

“I know, honey,” you soothed, leaning over to stroke her back. “I know. Daddy will help you colour her in tomorrow, okay?”

Sniffling, Winnie nodded, but she didn’t seem convinced. You could tell by the way her scribbling became a little rougher; her crayons snapped here and there, and the pages were soon covered with lots of orange and pink and red.

Mostly red.

Crisis averted for now, but you knew it wouldn’t last. If Bucky was falling back into the same habits, then this breakdown would be the first of many. Winnie had just started to stabilize a bit, and now he’d thrown off her equilibrium all over again.

Needless to say, it quickly devolved into the morning from hell. Colouring books put away in favour of getting dressed for daycare, and what a nightmare that was. Temper tantrums for the next half hour. Clothes yanked off more than once. Ear-splitting screams when you combed her hair.

Fantastic.

The second you’d dropped her off at daycare, you yanked your phone out of your purse, fully intending to give Bucky a piece of your mind. Still sitting in the parking lot, you angrily dialled his number, absently watching the leaves fall from the trees in the distance. Gorgeous autumn colours: yellow and orange and red.

Mostly red. 

You saw red, too.

“Barnes,” came his sleepy morning voice on the other end, and although you’d very much loved the sound of it once upon a time, not now you didn’t.

“I thought you were coming for breakfast,” you bit out, unable to keep the venom out of your words. “Where the fuck were you?”

“I—What?” He sounded a little more awake, now. A little more alert. “What time is it?”

“Eight-twenty,” you spat. 

“What?” A pause where he likely checked for himself, and then, “Shit, shit, I’m so sorry, doll, I—”

“I don’t care,” you interrupted. “Your daughter had a breakdown. I hope you’re happy.”

“I’m getting dressed right now, I’ll be there in ten—”

“I’ve already dropped her off.”

That was when the rustling of clothing on the other line slowed, and then stopped completely. It must have started to sink in that he was too late. 

He’d fucked up.

The silence that befell the two of you was tenser than usual, much worse than yesterday. Bucky had made a promise not to hurt Winnie again, and he’d broken it. When he pulled this same bullshit and disappeared for a week, you’d managed to spin a story about it, but this? No way. Not again.

Why should you have to keep lying for him?

Everything was just like before.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, a lot quieter this time, and you bit down on the inside of your cheek.

“Yeah,” you responded flatly. “Me too.”

Then you ended the call.

You should have been at work twenty minutes ago.

The second you hung up on him, you lost it. Tears and mascara spilled down your cheeks. Near-pristine makeup smudged. Foundation rubbed away from your nose. In the leather passenger’s seat sat a small pile of tissues, discarded as easily as he’d done to you. Your phone lay next to them – three missed calls and a handful of texts. You didn’t have to look to know that they were from him.

After slowing to a stop in your usual parking spot, you used the pads of your fingers to delicately rub away some of the black streaks on your cheeks. Your eyes were still a little teary, a little bloodshot, and you’d already salvaged what you could of your makeup. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do.

What a mess.

Then came a hard rap on your window, and you jumped – nearly jabbed yourself in the eye.

Bucky.

Your stomach lurched in an instant.

On his face was pure alarm – panic – but all you could do was stare at him in shock through the tinted window of the Land Rover.

What the hell was he doing here?

“Let me explain,” he said, voice muffled through the security of your car. “Please. I— I can’t lose you again.”

Both of you, you assumed. You and Winnie. 

Mostly Winnie.

It didn’t even cross your mind that it could have been a freudian slip. 

You swallowed hard and pulled the keys from the ignition, before you opened the car door. When you spoke, your voice sounded so much worse than you thought it would. Hoarse. Rough. Exactly like you’d been crying. 

“You have as long as it takes for me to get inside.”

Bucky glanced to the front door of your coffee shop and then back at you. Thirty seconds, tops, but he spent a few of them taking in your appearance – eyes tracing the tear stains on your cheeks, your flushed nose, your chapped lips. It made you feel self-conscious.

Fantastic.

“I’m sorry,” he began for the umpteenth time, and you barely managed not to scoff, gravel crunching under your feet. “I didn’t hear my alarm. I was gonna be there, sweetheart, swear to god. Please.”

“You never sleep in,” you fired back, accusatory. “Why today?”

“I…” Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at the ground. Ashamed. For what, you weren’t sure. “I don’t get nightmares as often as I used to, and… and talking to you made me feel better. I actually dreamt for once.”

A dream. Not a nightmare. And he was ashamed.

Why?

You stopped walking to finally look at Bucky – really look, and you found that he seemed well-rested. Panicked, absolutely, but well-rested. No dark circles under his eyes; no pallor to his complexion.

Thinking back on it, he’d always looked like this as of late. Maybe he really had been sleeping better than he used to. Two years was a long time, after all, and he’d been going to therapy. That must have helped, too. 

“What did you dream about?” you asked point-blank. You weren’t sure why. A test, maybe, or curiosity.

His brows rose in surprise. “What?”

“Your dream. What was it about?”

Fingertips digging anxiously into the shoulder strap of your purse, you peered up into those pretty baby blues, searching for whatever lie he may have tried to pull out of his ass. He held your gaze for a moment or two before he looked away again, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of his neck.

“You.”

A nervous tic. Not a lie.

You opened your mouth to say something, but then you closed it again, having expected a different answer – something, anything but that. The light dusting of pink coming across his cheeks made you realize what, exactly, he’d dreamt about.

“O-Oh,” you stammered.

What the hell?

That was when your phone chimed. Absolutely perfect timing, because you felt awkward and you didn’t know what else to say, other than a half-hearted apology for fishing your phone from your purse.  

Bucky just shook his head, as if to say don’t be sorry. 

You had nothing to be sorry about, anyway. 

Still, you spent a little more time than necessary rereading the text you’d just received from one of your baristas. The cafe was low on almond milk, apparently. You’d have to go to the store, because the milk order wasn’t due in until tomorrow. 

That gave you some time to figure out what to do.

As angry as you’d been, you still had a soft spot for Bucky. You had always had a soft spot for him, and that hadn’t changed, no matter how hellish your morning had been for you and your little girl.

“Why don’t you come to the store with me?” you suggested. “Maybe buy me some daisies while we’re there. A big bouquet this time.”

A joke. How stupid. Where had all your strength gone?

You were still upset, but what he’d said had disarmed you quite a bit.

“Sure. Yeah, of course.” His response came way too quickly. “Whatever you want.”

Good answer.

On the way back to your car, you noticed that Bucky had parked a few spots down. He really must have scrambled to get here, because he’d somehow arrived before you did. While you had been running late, the drive still took some time and he lived further away than you.

“It’s unlocked,” you told him, pulling open the driver’s side door again. As you got inside, you spotted the pile of tissues sitting in the passenger’s seat.

Fantastic.

“Sorry,” you mumbled in embarrassment, leaning over the console to collect the mess you’d made. There weren’t a ton of tissues, just a couple of handfuls, but you struggled to fit them all into your purse. No trash can.

A quick glimpse in the rearview mirror showed that you still looked like hell.  There was no way he wouldn’t put two and two together.

“That’s okay,” Bucky told you, gentle voice like honey to your ears. 

After you placed your too-full purse on the back seat, his large, warm hand came to rest on your cheek – caught you entirely off guard. You froze up in an instant, and it took a lot of willpower to meet his eyes again.

“I’m sorry for making you cry.”

You assumed that he would have figured it out, but to have him actually confirm it made you feel shy all of a sudden. God, it felt so good when he comforted you like this, though, and the soft expression on his face made you weak. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat, watching as his eyes flickered down to your lips, and you realized, then, that he was just inches away – that it would be so stupidly easy to lean forward and just kiss him, but you knew what a bad idea that would be.

He’d fucked up.

You licked your lips to alleviate the dryness in your throat, but that only made things worse because his eyes snapped back up to yours.

“We, uh…” You cleared your throat, feeling your face burn under his palm. “We have to get going.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Sorry.”

And then the warmth of his hand was gone.

For the entire drive, you did your best to ignore the way your skin tingled from his touch, but it didn’t work. Not with your heart pounding like this. Not with your thoughts racing like this.

What a fucking mess.

“I hope you like Princess Elsa,” you spoke up – a distraction, or maybe just another test. You weren’t sure anymore. “You’ll be seeing a lot of her at breakfast tomorrow.”

There was a brief pause while Bucky considered your casual invitation. An olive branch. One final chance to get this right, and he didn’t turn it down. 

You knew he wouldn’t.

“Elsa’s fine,” he said thoughtfully, “but Winnie’s better.”

Another joke, perhaps, but it was the truth. You couldn’t help but laugh a little. 

Of course he thought so.

Part Eleven

(If you like my work, please consider donating to my Patreon or my Ko-Fi!)

[shipping-receiving]

Skeins (pt. 2 of ?)

A draft of a sequel to my Jaime x Brienne colleagues-with-benefits fic Strings. (pt. 1)

==========

It’s an irony, perhaps, that words might come so unsteadily to two people whose vocations depend entirely upon their linguistic talents. Although, come to think of it, they’ve never had a problem talking about their work, and all the deliberations and debates that come with it. Even in bed, where their vocabulary is slightly more limited, they rarely ever experience a breakdown in communication. But this? Dating? Small talk? Apprehensions, and vulnerabilities? They are so new to putting these things into words. To putting words into these things.

Anything new is usually pretty weird, he’d told Brienne just now.

They’re on the way back to her apartment, their weird brunch a ten-minute walk behind them. The food had been pretty good, as she’d promised; unassuming, and more satisfying because of it. It was a shame that they’d fumbled their way through their conversation. But Jaime had held her hand at least—in broad daylight, no less, even if she’s tucking her hands into her pockets as they stroll down the street now—and besides, there’ll be other opportunities.

Practice makes perfect, right?

He’s nervous about visiting her home for the first time. Probably not as nervous as she is, but he’s nervous nonetheless. It’s absurd. He’s seen her, been with her completely naked—two or more times a week for the past four months—and now he’s nervous about this. Not that he thinks it’ll change anything about anything, but Brienne has kept her home a secret for so long that its mystery seems so much like an unequivocal truth. In a few minutes, they will tear the veil from this truth, and there’s a lump in his throat because of it.

When they finally step through her door, though, it doesn’t feel like any kind of great reveal. In fact, it dawns on him that it’s exactly what he expected her apartment to look like.

“It’s very… Brienne,” he tells her.

She locks the door behind them. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“An observation.” He looks around at the mix of simple and salvaged furniture in this snug one-bedroom apartment. A sturdy wooden dining table, where her laptop sits, fully charged now; three filled bookshelves, each of a different size and design, yet somehow making sense together; a navy blue couch, with one of its seats—Brienne’s favoured, he deduces—more sunken in than the other; her small kitchen, neat, not heavily used, but clearly used enough to keep her going; a modest vase on her coffee table, filled with flowers, a small indulgence that she allows herself. “Very practical,” he elaborates. “But… warm.”

“I should put that on my dating profile,” she quips with a forced laugh.

“Do you have one?” He’d deleted his dating app after three days, even before his second time with Brienne—which was the first time he’d asked her to come over. He hadn’t put much thought into his bio then. Just here because the woman I enjoyed fucking once might not fuck me again, it might as well have said.

“No,” she answers, walking towards the kitchen. “Water?”

“No, thank you. Sex?”

She snorts. “You didn’t even let me give you the tour.”

“Sex is the tour. We can fuck here—” he points at her couch— “or here—” he points at her dining table— “or, I assume, through there.”

He is pointing at a closed door now, one of two.

“That’s the bathroom,” Brienne says, rolling her eyes.

“We can fuck in the bathroom. Why haven’t we fucked in a bathroom? We should fuck in your bathroom.”

“Will you—” She sighs affectionately—he hopes it’s affectionate—and leans against the kitchen counter. “Do you have to be so… crude?”

“Shower sex isn’t—”

“Not that.” She casts her eyes to the floor.

“What?” He thinks back on his words. “Wait—you mean, ‘fucking’?”

She opens a cabinet, and takes out a glass. “Forget it.”

“You say it as much as I do,” he says, pulling out a chair from the dining table and settling in it. “Fuck me, Jaime, and all that.”

“That’s…” Brienne walks over to the fridge, opens the door, and removes a pitcher of water. “That’s in the moment. What else can I say?”

“So what would you prefer that I say?”

“I’m not saying you can’t say it.” She fills her glass halfway. “I just… I don’t know. I wish there was a better word for it.”

“It’s not a bad word. It’s versatile. And does the job in one syllable.”

One sip. “You know—sometimes we… fuck. But sometimes, it feels like something else.”

He runs a finger over the back of the chair. “You mean, like that Sunday…?”

Pink tints her cheeks. “Yeah. Like that Sunday. I suppose I mean—sometimes I’d like to…” she swallows, “to fuck. To fuck you, or, or be fucked by you. But—if we’re—now that we’re—”

“Dating,” he offers.

“Yes. I’d like a—a different word, or phrase for it.” She laughs, a little helplessly. “It’s silly, isn’t it? Is this an occupational hazard?”

Jaime smiles. He likes her this way, this questioning, quivering, shimmering version of her. The woman who asks if they look like they’re on a date, who asks if there’s another way to describe what happens when their bodies come together. Who tears up and tells him she’s all tangled up about him. “All of our options are quite awful, aren’t they?”

“They’re too direct. Or too casual. Or too… euphemistic.”

She isn’t one for euphemisms, he thinks. Probably despises their inauthenticity. “Humour me,” he says, waving her over. “Run me through them.”

She sets her glass down on the counter, and walks over to him. As she approaches, he catches her by the waist. “Let’s play a game,” he says, bringing her between his thighs. “A word game—synonyms. I started us off, so now it’s your turn.”

Hesitantly, she puts her hands on his shoulders. “‘Having sex’, to start. Accurate, but dry. Clinical, almost.”

“‘Sleeping together’. Unwieldy, and not particularly descriptive.” He wraps his arms a little tighter around her. “It does sound cosy, though.”

“‘Sleeping with’?” she modifies. “Still as ambiguous, I guess.”

“I’d even argue that it’s obfuscation. Apart from last night, we haven’t actually done a lot of sleeping with each other.”

“Fair point. ‘Intercourse’?”

Jaime barks out a laugh. “That one’s indefensible. Supremely unsexy.”

“You don’t want to have intercourse with me?” she teases, and lifts a finger towards the dining table. “Not here—” she points behind her at the couch, “or there?”

On her back, his fingers slip beneath her shirt to draw circles on her skin. “It does put a bit of a damper on things.”

“Quite a bit.”

“How about: ‘joining’?”

“Joining?” she repeats incredulously. “That’s vague.”

“It could work. Given the right context.”

“Given a lot of context.”

“Like my cock joining your cunt?”

“Jaime!” She wriggles out of his grip, and heads for her couch. “The point was to be less vulgar, not more!”

“You wanted context!” he laughs. “Your turn.”

She collapses on the seat that’s more sunken in. “‘Fornicating’.”

“Terrible. Banging.”

“Worse than ‘fucking’, yet somehow not as good. ‘Hooking up’.”

“‘Getting laid’.”

“‘Getting some’.”

“‘Getting lucky’.”

“‘Getting it on’,” she giggles. “Getting tired.”

That giggle makes him grin as he says:

“Making love.”

The grin disappears as soon as the phrase is out of his mouth. It’s too soon. It was only yesterday night that they were on the verge of ending things, that he was almost on his knees trying to convince Brienne to give them a chance. Now he’s saying words like that?

Brienne isn’t responding in the way he’d thought she would, though. No wide eyes, no sputtering, no changing the subject. Instead, she’s wrinkling her nose in a sort of… disgust?

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I just hate the phrase. I can’t imagine asking you to… do that. To me.”

“Too euphemistic?” he asks, thinking of her comment earlier.

“I guess?” She leans her head back, and gazes up to the ceiling. “It also puts a lot of… pressure on the act. Like it has to live up to something.”

“It didn’t use to mean ‘sex’, you know. Just a few decades ago, all it meant was something like courtship.”

“I know. And that’s a lot of pressure to put on some flowers, or poetry, or whatever.”

Jaime watches as her fingers trace lines across her jeans, then lets his eyes travel to the vase of flowers on her coffee table. “Is that… something you want? Flowers, and poetry?”

“Not really,” she shrugs. “I wouldn’t know what to do with things like that.”

He wonders what gifts he could offer to someone like Brienne—books, maybe, besides any underwear to replace the ones he might destroy in future—then he hears her say:

“It’s interesting. How the meanings, and implications of words can change in such a short time.”

“Mm.” He stands from his seat, and moves to join her on her couch. “Language can be so… malleable. Definitions can change within a few months. Or even… in one night.”

“One night?” She turns her head to frown at him. Then, her brow relaxes, and she bites down on the corner of her bottom lip. “Oh.”

He stops right in front of her, and leans down to kiss that bite away. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “Oh.”

[official-weasley]

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 1, Ch. 9

PART 1: WHERE IT ALL BEGAN Chapter 9 - Tonks' Breakdown

Nova

I don't want to brag but I think I did great on my exams so far. I just came out from Defense Against the Dark Arts practical exam and was done for the day. I winked at Charlie, who was still waiting on his turn and was shaking his legs, nervous as he still thinks that Professor Rakepick, “should have at least showed us all the spells she was going to so coldly demand from us”, he said this morning as he ate what I think was about his third bowl of cereal. Penny was right; he was a nervous eater.

I hoped that I indicated that the exam isn't that bad after all as I was prohibited to speak with him after I finished.

I decided to wait for him in the Great Hall, going through my Transfiguration notes one more time on my own as I knew the lot would occupy me right after dinner to help them with their final revision.

One by one they came into the Hall to join me.

“That wasn't hard at all, was it?” Charlie sat down next to me and gently slapped me on the back.

“I told you, Char, I don't know what you've expected. We got this.” I raised my hand so that our hands clapped in a high-five and he started to put food on his plate.

—

“Say, where is Tonks? She stormed out of that classroom as she was done that I almost missed her pink head.” Charlie said, now with a full mouth.

“Hmm, I thought she wasn't done yet but T is before W.” Tulip scratched her chin.

“We did say we'll meet here after the exam to study Transfiguration right?” I asked.

Before we could question Tonks' disappearance any further, Penny came rushing in the Hall, panting.

“You...you have...to...help me!” Her hands on her knees as she was trying to catch her breath.

“Penny what's going on?” Tulip stood up at once.

“It's...Tonks! She completely lost it...because of the exams. She said that...her brain will explode if she has to study...for one more exam and that she's dropping out of school.” Penny finally finished.

“Well, maybe she should drop out then.” Charlie said with a straight face. We all frowned at him.

“We do have one more exam and she did say that her brain will explode if she has to study for one...” Charlie stopped talking as he saw none of us were amused by the joke he tried to tell. “Not the time to make jokes. Got it.” He scratched the back of his head, his freckled cheeks turning pink.

“Where is she now?” I turned back to Penny.

“In our dormitory. She's packing her bags!” Panicked Penny.

“Wow, she really did take her words seriously.” Tulip indicated that we should all go towards the Hufflepuff Common Room.

We ran all the way there and stopped a little before the entrance. Penny told us to stay put as she went inside to get Tonks. We didn't know what to do when Penny brings her outside. We did have only one more exam, even though I had to admit, Tonks did the worst of any of us in Transfiguration despite being a Metamorphmagus.

Charlie started doing fairly well by the end of the year as he tried his best to copy everything from me. Tulip and Penny were starting to get a hang of it once we formed our little study group. Tonks, however, couldn't transform her matchstick into a needle if it was the last thing she had to do.

I told her that she just has to focus more on the image of the thing she wants to transfigure her original object to but for some reason she couldn't get a clear picture in her head as her needle kept having a matchstick tip or was wooden instead of metal. I knew she was nervous about it but I had no idea it was this bad.

Penny interrupted my train of thoughts as she opened the door to the Hufflepuff Common Room, basically dragging Tonks behind her. By the look on Tonks's face, she wasn't very happy about it.

“Let me go, Penny. I still have some of those slugs, I will unleash them on you!” Tonks frowned at her.

“Tonks, what is going on?” I tried to change the subject.

“What is going on? What is going on, you ask?” Her hair was changing colors with every word she said.

“This is too much, that's what's bloody going on!” She lifted her hands in the air and started to pace back and forth in front of us.

“Tonks we have all been stressed out about our exams. We only have one more to go!” Charlie tried cheering her up.

“Yeah and just yesterday you told me that you think you did well on Herbology and Astronomy.” Added Tulip. “Or did your Defense Against the Dark Arts exam gone so bad for you?” She questioned.

“No, I think I did rather well. Transfiguration, however...”

“Tonks you have been doing great the past few days. Professor McGonagall isn't going to fail you if you don't perform all the transfigurations correctly.” I interrupted her.

“I don't care if I fail!” She howled at us. “I just don't want to study anymore. It's exhausting and it seems that's all we are doing lately.”

I couldn't help but chuckle as her hair finally came back to her normal bubblegum pink.

“Tonks that's what happens before the exams. I know none of us had any free time lately. Nova and I miss going down to the Lake and it's been like a week since we were at Hagrid's for tea.” Charlie grinned sympathetically.

“I have so many ideas for pranks that I have started writing them down since we don't have time to execute any of them.” Tulip joined the cheering train.

“I haven't drawn in two weeks, I can almost feel my talent slipping away and Pip didn't even hoot at me this morning when I went to send my mum a letter. He thinks I'm ignoring him so he's doing the same to me.”

“And I didn't touch my Advanced Potion Making book in three days and that says a lot about me.” Penny finished and we all nodded in agreement.

“I don't know mates, this is all too hard and this is our First Year. What will happen to me when we have to take our O.W.L.s?” Tonks sat on the floor.

“How about you worry about one exam at a time.” Penny and the rest of us sat down next to her.

“You're going to do fine and look on the bright side: once we're done we can go down to the Lake or visit Hagrid and just stare at the sky without a single worry.” I put my hand around her shoulder.

“Blimey, you really are the best friends a lad can have.” She wiped her nose with the end of her sleeve as tears gathered in her eyes.

“But just that you know, I am only doing this for you lot!”

“Of course you are.” Charlie smiled, stood up, and put his hand out to help Tonks get up. “Now, what do you say we go to the Great Hall to have some dinner and study for the last exam of the year?” He pushed Tonks away from the Hufflepuff Common Room just in case she would change her mind and try to run away again.

“You already had dinner.” I whispered to Charlie.

“Hey, I'm supporting our friend here.” He said with a serious voice that made me giggle, knowing that he wouldn't say no to another piece of apple pie.

After eating some mashed potatoes and fried chicken, Tonks finally calmed down. We were all sitting around her just in case she had any ideas of escaping. Then we slowly pulled out the Transfiguration books and notes, careful not to startle her as I tried to pull the conversation towards the subject.

Before I let her do any spells as she did seem to have theory pretty much figured out, I made her close her eyes and made her give me 3 details about a match and 3 about a needle. After she finished describing them I gave her both objects and told her to try to connect the details to the objects. I also gave her quite some time to touch and observe them and after about an hour and a half, I marked her ready.

“Okay, now look at the matchstick and imagine a needle in its place instead.” I was standing right behind her as I whispered in her ear.

“Now, have your wand ready. Concentrate on what the matchstick needs to become and say Conmutocus. Don't forget to create a sharp jab right to the match with your wand.”

Tonks took a deep breath, murmured something to herself, and said “Conmutocus.” She jabbed her wand sharply towards the matchstick and sure enough, it transformed into a needle.

Penny gasped.

“Wicked!” Charlie and Tulip said at once.

“You did it, Tonks!” I shook her shoulders, still standing behind her.

“You did it, Nova. You taught me Transfiguration! Blimey, you might be a better teacher than McGonagall.” She turned around and gave me a big, tight hug.

She then grabbed the tiny needle with her fingers, stood on the bench she was sitting on, and yelled “I did it, ha!” as she put her hands in the air.

We all laughed, while the Ravenclaws at the other table rolled their eyes.

“Well, congratulations, Miss Tonks. I reckon I can expect the same tomorrow at the exam?” We all turned around to see Professor McGonagall standing behind us, a slight smile on her lips.

“I...I'm sorry professor, were we too loud?” Tonks' cheeks turned pink as she realized that McGonagall probably saw her stand on the bench and shout in the middle of the half-empty Great Hall.

“Oh, not at all. By all means shout as much as you need to, Miss Tonks, if that is going to help you transfigure matchsticks into needles.” She winked at her. “I do have to ask, however,” she continued, “how did you manage to finally do it as it was just dreadful to watch your failed attempts in class?”

“Nova taught me, Professor. She taught all of us.” A grin spread across her face.

“Well then.” Professor McGonagall turned to me. “It's 4 of you, 10 points for each one you taught, Miss Blackwood. Good luck to all of you tomorrow.” She crossed her hands in front of her, smiled, and left.

“You just earned 40 points for Ravenclaw!” Tulip squeaked.

“I don't think that's fair as Penny did way more for us for our Potions exam.” I frowned, feeling guilty.

I didn't praise my effort half as much as I did that of Penny's. The lot would've passed even if I didn't teach them. I was highly confident we would've all failed Potions if it wasn't for Penny though.

“Get off it, Nova. I don't care.” Penny smiled at me. “What you just made Tonks succeed in is everything compared to some notes and potion ingredients.” She added.

The next day we made Penny promise to get up early to check on Tonks and to bring her down for breakfast even if she had to use the Levitation Charm on her. Even though Tonks was visibly nervous and didn't eat any breakfast, we were confident that she was not going to run away and after she told us how she dreamt about how she turned every object Professor McGonagall gave her to transform the right way, we were confident that she was going to pass.

During the exam, I kept glancing at Tonks to see how she was doing. After 15 minutes of her nose being firmly in the exam paper, I let it go and focused on my exam which I turned in 15 minutes too early as it was just the easiest thing ever.

I returned to my desk to get my bag and I heard Charlie whisper “show off”. I glanced at his paper and saw that he left the line where he was supposed to write the incantation for fork to quillempty.

“Scribblifors, Char.” I whispered and glanced at Professor McGonagall frowning at me and cleared her throat.

I quickly grabbed my bag and ran out of the classroom.

Waiting for the practical exam seemed to wreck everybody's nerves as people kept swinging their wands and mutter spells under their breaths. One by one, we were called inside and when we finally all met in the Great Hall I was pleased to hear that all of them did quite well. Charlie managed to turn his whistle into a watch. Tonks had to recreate her success from the previous day which she announced from the door of the Great Hall, making the Ravenclaws roll their eyes again as they were trying to study in peace.

In the final two weeks, as we were waiting for our exam results, we spent most of our days outside. It was warm and there was hardly a day with a cloud in the sky. We could all lay loose, read our favorite books and draw. Pip finally stopped ignoring me as Hagrid made his favorite treats and I went to the Owlery twice per day to give them to him.

The last day before we would get the final exam results we decided to spend down by the Lake. Charlie was rereading his From Egg to Inferno: A Dragon-Keeper's Guidefor what seemed the third time that week. Penny and Tulip were playing Gobstones and Tonks was napping. I knew that I won't be able to see my friends over the Summer and as that thought grew larger every day I decided to take this opportunity and draw them as they were all sitting under a tree, too occupied with their activities to notice that I stood up and moved a little bit away from them.

As I never drew humans before, I was surprised at how much fun I was having. I carefully drew Penny's big eyes and Tulip's smug face when Penny lost to her in Gobstones. I took extra time to get Tonks' snoring face and I think I did Charlie's freckles justice as much as his hair.

—

“Oh, I am so nervous.” I took a deep breath as we were all waiting in the Great Hall while teachers were handing us envelopes.

We opened them immediately when we got them and I went through my results:

Herbology E

History of Magic A

Potions E

Flying O

Charms O

Astronomy A

Defense Against the Dark Arts O

Transfiguration O

“I've passed all my classes!” Tulip and I exchanged exam results. Hers read:

Herbology A

History of Magic A

Potions A

Flying E

Charms E

Astronomy O

Defense Against the Dark Arts E

Transfiguration A

“Nice job, Tulip!” I said and we hugged. After the teachers finished giving us all results we ran to the Hufflepuff table.

“So, did you all pass Potions?” Penny asked excitedly.

She and Tonks exchanged the results with Tulip and me. I read Penny's first then sneaked at Tonks' over Tulip's shoulder.

Herbology E

History of Magic E

Potions O

Flying E

Charms O

Astronomy O

Defense Against the Dark Arts E

Transfiguration E

Penny's results not only surprised me but took me aback. She might as well be the best witch in our year. Not a single Acceptable and she got Outstanding in Charms even though she started the year rather poorly in that department.

Herbology O

History of Magic A

Potions A

Flying E

Charms A

Astronomy A

Defense Against the Dark Arts A

Transfiguration E

“Tonks you got Exceeds Expectations in Transfiguration!” I exclaimed. She told us that she did quite well but I hadn't the slightest idea she did that good.

“Thank you, Nova. Actually, thanks to all of you.” She smiled and pulled us into a tight hug.

I felt someone behind me as Charlie put me in a hug sandwich between him and the girls as he just came from the Gryffindor Table.

He handed me his result sheet and winked.

Herbology A

History of Magic A

Potions A

Flying O

Charms O

Astronomy E

Defense Against the Dark Arts O

Transfiguration E

“Three Outstandings.” He grinned proudly as I finished reading his results and looked at him in awe.

“If we are going to study like this together and get such good results each year perhaps Tonks won't have to run away anymore.” We all laughed at Charlie's joke.

“Will mum yell at me or did you do good on your exams?” Bill joined us and ruffled Charlie's hair. Charlie gave him the exam results.

“Blimey, who helped you study so much? You're going to make me look bad in front of mum.” Bill's mouth fell open.

“Perhaps next year you can join us.” Penny grinned at Bill. Tulip, Tonks, and I giggled as we all knew very well that Penny wanted Bill to study with us so she could get ahead in her Potions studies.

The next day was our final one before we would board the Hogwarts Express to take us home. We couldn't help but feel a bit bummed out as we knew we wouldn't be able to see each other the whole Summer.

After Dumbledore's end-of-the-year speech, we had a feast that seemed even bigger than the one at the start of the year. As Tulip and I were walking upstairs to our dormitories we couldn't help but reminisce about all the times we got lost on our way to classes or the Great Hall this year. We both knew we were going to do better next year as we already couldn't wait to come back.

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 36: Dobby's Reward

Her ears were still ringing, vision blurry and unmanageable, but still Lily forced herself back to her feet, staggering into something very solid, stone-like. She froze, breathing so harsh it was hurting her chest as she fumbled around now realizing it was true and continued darkness rather than a lack of sight on her part.

She had to keep calm, she kept telling herself. Whatever was beneath her fingers didn't feel human, or snakelike for that matter, but the cold marble surely was one of their group only paralyzed and not truly dead! She was the only one proficient enough in potions to reverse-

"Lumos!" A now all too familiar voice spoke quietly from right behind her, Potter's wand revealing a solid stone wall icy smooth to the touch under her grip, the ceiling hanging low enough over their heads they could reach up and touch it. Small comfort though it was, it helped that the place was dry and stale, small and isolated, the opposite of the endless void like place from before. She turned quickly to the boy holding his wand aloft, eyes quickly scanning their surroundings. She couldn't blame him, though there were no snakes in sight, this place still seemed far too likely to hold more danger. There was nothing distinctive at all about the place, no clue where on earth they could be, and they didn't care, as she did another careful count. There were only seven people present, counting herself.

The Black brothers were still shaking from wet and fright as they sat up carefully, Lupin hovering over them both. Alice and Frank were assisting each other to their feet and keeping their wands aloft. The place was so bare, there was no way she could miss him, yet, "where's Pettigrew? Where's Peter?"

"Here," came the small voice from right behind Potter, still half crouched on the floor and remarkably pale, almost blending into the background. Lily did a double take, her eyes nearly popping out of her head as she stared at him, hard, and not entirely in relief, though it was there that he hadn't died back in the Chamber. She swore he hadn't been in this room a second ago.

"Good man Pete!" Potter declared, his voice shaking no matter how hard he tried to hitch a smile onto his face and beam around at everyone. "We all survived, I vote we not go for round two!"

"There is a first time for everything," the elder Black groaned as he took Lupin's hand and let himself be hoisted to his feet, then returned the favor and offered the same to his kid brother. He didn't take it, and hadn't yet moved to more than flip over and rest on his backside, chest still heaving as painfully as hers was.

Potter clapped his friend on the shoulder and helped him to his feet, still giving him a relieved smile Lily couldn't shake. Perhaps he hadn't noticed his friend at first either? She just couldn't shake the idea-

"So where are we now?" Frank demanded, bending down and peeling the book from his shoe.

It was a fair question. Certainly nowhere they recognized, and nothing at all to indicate an answer. The only thing of note was a very sturdy door behind them the couple and even they had no urge to try at this point. Merlin only knew what was on the other side, and for now there was nothing in here trying to kill them, so they'd take it.

"Who cares," Lupin groaned, hand still on his friend's back as he kept massaging his ribs. "We're not in the Chamber anymore, can we just enjoy this moment." He slumped back against the wall himself and closed his eyes like he was ready for a nap.

Smith returned with something and Longbottom began reading, but Sirius wouldn't even be distracted by whatever Dobby still had to do with this as the chapter title indicted. He crouched down next to his brother and quietly asked, "hey, you okay? You took a nasty hit."

Regulus didn't answer for so long Sirius started to grow worried before he finally got the answer, "it's all a lie."

"Err, yeah, most things in life tend to be," Sirius agreed with baffled chipper, anything to get his brothers eyes to focus, but they weren't. Longbottom had already read through Ginny getting to reunite with her parents and Dumbledore awarding Harry and Ron for this stupid stunt. Everybody was sinking to the floor in exhaustion and looking relieved to just be able to do that for a moment. Yet Regulus still had a look upon his face like at any moment he'd turn his head and find his death.

It wasn't until Dumbledore mentioned Harry likely having some of Voldemort's powers in him that Regulus reacted again, and all he did was flinch and pull his legs into his chest, like the little kid hiding up in the attic refusing to come down until Sirius had promised their parents had stopped fighting.

Sirius could barely fathom himself what all they'd heard, that everything they'd ever been told about the Dark Lord was false. The man, the mortal who claimed to be more, was in fact trying to purge the world based on a big fat lie. Sirius would have laughed under any other circumstances, but apparently his little brother didn't seem to be finding it as funny.

He tried to imagine it from the kids point of view, but the problem was he'd never given in to believing such a thing as what their parents had wanted of the world, what Regulus had readily adopted. He was only fourteen and everything he'd ever known had been shattered, and Sirius was helpless to offer anything because he no longer knew anything about this boy. He knew more about his three best friends than his own brother.

Turning instinctively to them for help, he saw that Moony really was fixing to fall asleep, barely keeping his eyes open and slumped against the wall like he was. The sky above must be housing a moon not long after it was full. Even not having experienced the change with it would cause his friend to feel the exhaustion it should have. James was watching him with a puckered brow and clear worry, but was also taking the time to engage Evans while she was in a sociable mood, apparently living through a life or death situation had put her in a better mood towards him. She hadn't sprinted to the opposite side of the room yet at least, even if she was keeping an arms distance from him and he didn't seem likely to increase that. Peter still looked shell-shocked, which Sirius couldn't blame him for. Wormtail deserved bloody two hundred points to Gryffindor and more for what he'd pulled, he hadn't needed to see the act to hear what was going on and what gave them the chance to get out of that place.

Lucius Malfoy and Dobby arrived back on the scene as some kind of distraction, and that all made a sickening kind of sense as the little house-elf made it perfectly clear what was going on. Sirius was forced to watch again as Regulus recoiled into himself, and he refused to just sit around and let his little brother dwell on all things pure-blood going on around him, so he spit out the first question that came to mind as loud as he could, "speaking of things hiding in plain sight, exactly who was carrying around Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder and not sharing such a thing? I mean, I'm not criticizing the use, but come on, that's a rather significant detail to share don't you think!"

Silence for a moment, as everyone looked at everyone else waiting for the crack, until finally the last person Sirius expected to spoke up, "it was mine."

"Where did you get that? Without me knowing about it?!" Sirius demanded of his kid brother.

"Father bought some for me over the summer in Knockturn Alley," Regulus murmured without looking at any of them. He said nothing more, and Sirius bit down on his lip to stop himself demanding more of this explanation. Like why he was carrying it around with him today ( yesterday?) during class.

Alice sensed the awkward silence lingering, and really she didn't want anybody else to ask what else was being hidden on their persons, so cleared her throat awkwardly and spoke up, "well, I think I've sussed out where we might be. I'd hazard a guess this is where Dobby sleeps. Makes sense doesn't it? The Malfoy's would have him down in the dungeons when he wasn't running their house. We seem to pop up wherever something's happening in a person's life to do with the story, apparently it doesn't always have to be Harry."

Nobody argued the point, it made as much sense as the rest of this mess. Lily's hand tightened along her wand in frustration as Malfoy took out his loss of not being able to murder an entire school and a little girl out on Dobby. The chapter title still lingered in her mind, distracting her from everything else now. Dobby may have gone about it in the wrong way, but he certainly did deserve a reward for all he'd tried to do in helping Harry!

Then he got it, and they all worried that somehow Harry had made things incredibly worse. Freeing a house-elf was not in fact a reward at all to those creatures, but the truly baffling part was Dobby's reaction. He actually seemed happy! It made no sense to any of them, from reputation and whispered stories any other house-elf would be having a nervous breakdown. Dobby was all but cheering. None of them could really complain of the development, when it possibly saved Harry's life from a vengeful Malfoy. They all suspected that little critter was going to make another appearance though, how could he not after such an event?

The last really eventful thing was the all around cheer of Hagrid being rightfully returned, and Percy acting like an idiot all year because of a secret girlfriend of all things. Frank reached the end, back to Harry having to go with those bastard Dursley's again, and all anyone could really hope was that they wouldn't be sent to Privet Drive again.

[noona-clock]

Indefinitely - Part 6

Genre: Dystopia!AU

Pairing: Jaebum x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: None

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 | Words: 3,099

Out of all the nights in the past month, you had never wanted to be able to fall asleep more than you had last night.

After falling and scraping your knee, pretty much all of your negative emotions had risen to the surface, and you’d had just a bit of a mental breakdown. You’d almost given up entirely... and if it hadn’t been for Jaebum, you probably would have.

No, not even ‘probably.’ You definitely would have. If he hadn’t been there to remind you why you were here, remind you that you weren’t alone, remind you that you did, indeed, have the strength to carry on... you wouldn’t have been able to remember it. Any of it.

And, boy, were you embarrassed.

If Jaebum had any weaknesses, you had yet to find them. But now he knew all of yours. He knew that something as tiny as a skinned knee could break you.

And yet... he had been surprisingly... nice to you last night. He’d been perfectly supportive and encouraging. He hadn’t let you continue to feel bad about yourself, but he also hadn’t told you to stop crying. He’d been firm but still... caring.

What had happened to him?

When you’d been crying in his car just over a month ago, he had asked you -- in no uncertain terms -- to try and keep it down.

Yeah, but, he had also given you a bandana to use as a tissue. 

You still had that, by the way. You’d actually gotten it out last night after you’d heard Jaebum and Youngjae’s deep, even breathing. Up until now, you had used it as a handkerchief, but last night it had been more of a security blanket type thing. You’d clutched it in your hand, gathering up the fabric in your fingers and keeping it close to you.

Which... was kind of weird now that you thought about it.

Your eyes darted over to Jaebum’s bench, and when you saw he was still sleeping, you stealthily stuffed the bandana back into your bag.

While you were in your bag, you went ahead and took out the Atlas to get a start on mapping out your route for the day. You wanted to get as many miles covered as possible today so the three of you wouldn’t have to live like nomads for too long.

Since you were able to walk twelve miles during the second half of the day yesterday, you figured you should be able to walk twenty-five on a full day. Twelve and a half before lunch and twelve and a half after lunch. ...If you could find lunch, that is.

You carefully measured out twenty-five miles, seeing there was a town almost exactly that distance away: Bridgeport. Ten miles before Bridgeport was Twinbrook, so you would have to leave pretty soon and walk as quickly as your skinned knee would allow.

“Where are we headed today?” Jaebum asked groggily, and the sudden noise in the otherwise silent park made you jump and let out a soft gasp.

Your gaze snapped over to Jaebum’s bench, and he... he was actually kind of smiling at your reaction. “Sorry,” he mumbled with a quiet chuckle. “I didn’t realize you were concentrating so hard.”

“Oh,” you breathed, trying to force a smile onto your own lips. “No, it’s okay. Um... I think we should try to get to a place called Twinbrook that’s about fifteen miles from here, and then... Bridgeport for the night, ten miles past that.”

“Twenty-five miles,” Jaebum replied with a low whistle as he sat up and swung his legs over the bench. “How’s your knee feeling?”

“I can do it,” you assured him, keeping your gaze focused on the map.

Jaebum didn’t answer right away, but you heard him let out a soft, breathy laugh. And then he said, “I didn’t ask if you could do it. I just want to know if it still hurts.”

Your cheeks almost immediately warmed. ...He was checking up on your injury? You figured he didn’t want to have to help you or carry you on his back for twenty-five miles, so asking how your knee was feeling had been his way of backhandedly asking if you would be able to walk twenty-five miles.

“It’s... it’s not too bad,” you murmured.

“Did you get any sleep?”

...Okay, what was with him? First, he was asking how your knee felt. Now, he was asking if you got any sleep?  He’d literally never asked you about your sleeping patterns before.

“Uh... maybe a little,” you shrugged. And then you asked hesitantly, “...How about you?”

“Probably a few hours,” he answered as he stood up and began to roll up his blanket. “I’m going to head to that gas station down the road to see if there’s any food. Try to have Youngjae awake before I get back?”

You simply let out a scoff, your lips tugging into a smirk. “Yeah, I’ll try,” you said with plenty of sarcasm.

Jaebum simply smiled and shook his head.

Your eyes followed him as he walked toward the main road, and as soon as you were sure he was out of earshot... you scrambled off of your bench and over to Youngjae’s.

“Youngjae,” you hissed, crouching down by his head even though it hurt your knee to do it. “Youngjae, wake up! Wake up!”

“What?” he mumbled, though he kept his eyes closed.

“Jaebum is acting weird,” you told him with a very clear tone of distress.

Youngjae’s brow furrowed softly. “What do you mean weird? Is he sick?”

“I don’t think so, but he’s... he’s just... he’s, like, asking me things.”

“What kind of things?” he sighed sleepily.

“He asked how my knee was feeling and if I got any sleep last night.”

Youngjae was silent for a few moments before he replied with, “So?”

“So? He’s never asked me if I’ve gotten any sleep before!”

“I think... did you also hit your head when you fell yesterday?”

The corners of your lips turned down into a frown, and you reached out to swat Youngjae’s shoulder.

“Hey!” he cried, finally opening his eyes. “You’re just being weird!”

“I’m not the one being weird,” you retorted. “He is!”

“He is not. He’s being a good friend?” Youngjae pointed out as if it should be super obvious.

You stared at Youngjae for a second, blinking in confusion. And then you said, “So... he thinks of me as a friend? Do you really think so?”

Youngjae opened his mouth to reply... but then he closed it. You could tell there was something he wanted to say, and he was merely settling when he said, “Yes, I do really think so.”

“Will you walk with me today?” you asked, your forehead wrinkling. “Please?”

“Well, yeah. But why?”

“Because Jaebum is making me nervous.”

The tiniest of smirks pulled at Youngjae’s lips, but he didn’t say anything.

“Also, you have to be up by the time he gets back from the gas station,” you added. “So, you’d better just get up now.”

Youngjae’s smirk disappeared immediately, and he let out a tired groan.

“Yeah, I know,” you sighed. “But come on. We’ve got a long way to go today.”

By the time Jaebum returned in about twenty minutes, both you and Youngjae had your backpacks on and were ready to go. Jaebum handed each of you a stick of beef jerky and a packet of peanut butter crackers, assuring you he had stocked up for lunch and dinner, too.

“We all ready to go?” he murmured as he unzipped his backpack and dumped the rest of the food inside.

“Yep!” you replied with a proud smile. “Ready to walk fifteen miles.”

Jaebum’s eyebrows raised slightly, and he shot you an impressed look.

“What? You asked me to be ready by the time you got back, and we are! I’m not totally useless, you know,” you replied with a hint of teasing in your voice.

“I never said you were useless,” Jaebum noted, shaking his head and sliding his backpack onto his shoulders.

“Yeah, you’re totally the opposite of useless,” Youngjae assured you. He nudged your shoulder as Jaebum headed back to the main road, and you nudged his back as you fell into step beside him.

The nice thing about Jaebum was that he really didn’t mind being on his own. He didn’t find it strange or question it when you stayed behind him with Youngjae. He never turned around to ask what you guys were talking about, so you knew you could ask Youngjae a question that had been on your mind for a month now.

“Do you remember that first night we were at your house, and I cooked spaghetti, and you and Jaebum did the dishes?” you asked, still making sure to keep your voice quiet so Jaebum wouldn’t hear.

“Yeah...” Youngjae answered.

“...What were you guys talking about at the sink?”

The expression on Youngjae’s face morphed to one which clearly said, ‘Seriously? You remember that?’

“I asked Jaebum that night, but he just said ‘nothing’! And he was really crabby about it, so obviously, I’m going to be curious,” you retorted.

Youngjae let out a soft sigh, his brow furrowing as he shot a glance up at Jaebum. “Well, I mean... if he didn’t tell you, doesn’t that mean he doesn’t want you to know?”

“Just tell me,” you whined quietly. You’d been thinking about it for a month, and you weren’t sure you would ever get the nerve to ask Jaebum again.

With a tiny, relenting roll of his eyes, Youngjae said, “Okay, fine. He just... he kind of... warned me?”

“...Warned you?” you asked, your head jerking back slightly in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he said that you were really fragile right now, and he told me not to ask too many questions just yet.”

You narrowed your eyes over at him. “But... you did. That very night.”

“Yeah,” Youngjae shrugged. “But he wasn’t in the room.”

“What else did he say?”

“He told me he was fine with me joining you guys, but if I did or said anything to ‘upset the balance,’” Youngjae continued, lifting his hands so he could do air quotes around those words. “Then he wouldn’t hesitate to leave me behind.”

“The balance?” you asked in a tone of quiet awe. “What is he talking about?”

“I, uh... I think he just meant you. If I did anything to upset you, then I was out.”

You truly almost scoffed. “Me? Why would he mean me? Why would he care if you upset me?”

Youngjae just pressed his lips together and shrugged.

I mean, maybe now you could believe it since it seemed like the two of you were actually becoming friends... but back then? He had barely tolerated you back then. Why would he have cared if Youngjae upset you?

“He really said I was fragile?” you asked.

Youngjae nodded and hummed positively.

...Why had he been looking out for you back then? And not only that, he had been looking out for you behind your back. Not even to your face.

First, Jaebum had given you that pep talk after your breakdown yesterday. Then, he had actually responded to your goodnight wish. Now, you found out he had warned Youngjae about upsetting you all those weeks ago?

‘Confused’ didn’t even begin to describe what you were feeling right now.

The three of you stopped in Twinbrook for about an hour to rest and eat some more beef jerky and crackers, and the information Youngjae had loaded on you kept you quiet for basically the whole hour.

Okay, for basically the whole rest of the day.

By the time you reached Bridgeport after sunset, you could probably count the number of sentences you’d spoken on one hand. Maybe two.

Thankfully, Bridgeport seemed to have been a much more bustling town than Brindleton Springs because there was a strip mall right off the highway. Jaebum led you and Youngjae there, and when you got close enough, you saw it housed a gym as well as a mattress store.

“Looks like we found a place to shower and sleep tonight,” Youngjae called out with a grin.

It would be a cold shower, that much was certain, but a cold shower was better than no shower.

Jaebum got two wrapped bars of soap from his backpack, throwing one to you and nodding toward Youngjae as you all headed over to the gym.

Unsurprisingly, being in the women’s locker room all by yourself was just a little... creepy. So, you showered as quickly as you could, trying not to close your eyes even though it was already dark in there. You just didn’t want it to be that dark. Not when you were completely alone.

You were still the last one out, though, but only Youngjae was waiting for you by the gym’s front door.

“Jaebum went to the mattress store to make sure it’s okay to sleep in there.”

“Yeah, sure,” you murmured as you wrung out your wet hair with your towel. “He’s probably just avoiding me.”

Youngjae rolled his eyes, suppressing a smirk and opening the door so the two of you could leave. “Yeah, right. Why do you think he hates you?”

“Because he does! I mean, maybe he doesn’t hate me now, but... he always used to.”

Thinking about all the times you’d tried to talk to him when you were neighbors... there was no way he hadn’t hated you. Just no way!

You and Youngjae quickly walked down to the mattress store, and you let out a sigh of relief when Jaebum was already inside with his blanket spread over one of the beds.

“This is perfect,” you announced as you walked in, letting your backpack fall from your shoulders and onto the floor. Even though your knee was still sore from your fall yesterday, you gave in to your urge to run over to one of the empty mattresses and jump onto it face first.

After sleeping on a couch for a month -- and sleeping on a bench last night -- the mattress felt like a literal cloud.

You had jumped onto the mattress next to Jaebum’s, and Youngjae headed over to the mattress on the other side, spreading out his blanket and getting settled for the night.

You really didn’t want to move because you were already so comfortable, but you were still chilled from your cold shower, and you most definitely needed a blanket to sleep with. With a groan, you rolled off the bed and shuffled over to your backpack.

Youngjae was already asleep by the time you got out your blanket, unrolled it over the mattress, and got underneath. To be honest, you didn’t blame him one bit. You were exhausted.

...But, after a few minutes, you realized you were also cold. Was it just from your shower? Or was the temperature lower tonight than it had been last night? Either way, you realized you had been shivering since you’d laid down, and you hadn’t stopped since.

You tried wrapping yourself up in your blanket, but it didn’t do much. You still found you had goosebumps all over your arms and legs.

“Okay, is it freezing in here or is it just me?” you asked loudly enough for Jaebum and Youngjae to hear you.

“It’s not just you,” Jaebum replied.

After a few moments of silence, you called out, “Youngjae!”

“Hmm?”

“Are you cold?”

“No, I’m asleep, shut up.”

...Well. At least, Jaebum had said ‘yes.’

With a sigh, you hugged yourself tighter, hoping you would warm up enough to fall asleep... but then Jaebum’s quiet voice cut through the darkness.

“You can come over here.”

Your eyes shot open, and you almost bolted upright in shock.

“...I’m sorry, what?”

“Two blankets, two bodies. It’ll be warmer.”

...You had no idea what to say to that.

“You don’t have to, I just thought --”

You were cold enough right now that the panic and anxiety of sharing a bed with Jaebum was overshadowed by just how good it sounded. How warm it sounded.

“No, no,” you interrupted him. “I -- Yes. Thank you.”

And, without letting another second go by, you slipped off of your mattress, gathered up your blanket, and tiptoed over to Jaebum.

You had been living in the same house, sleeping in the same room as Jaebum for several weeks now. There had been many times where you’d felt awkward around him.

But none of those times even compared to this.

Just like you had been when you’d cut his hair the other day, you were hyper-aware of every little move, every breath, especially when you laid down next to him.

But... you had to admit. The extra blanket was totally worth it.

“Thanks,” you repeated in a whisper.

“Yeah, sure,” he replied. “Are you... warm enough?”

You nodded, but then you realized he probably couldn’t tell that you’d nodded because it was so dark. So, you whispered, “Yeah. Are you?”

He simply let out a positive hum, and you figured that was the end of that. The two of you would close your eyes and fall asleep and no more needed to be said.

So, imagine your surprise when Jaebum inhaled softly and asked. “Do... you... want me to... hold you?”

You almost choked on the air you were breathing, and images of Jaebum’s arms around you immediately flooded your brain.

“Why -- why would I want you to do that?” you asked hastily, breathlessly.

“You really think I don’t hear you crying yourself to sleep every night?” he murmured.

...Well. To be honest, yes, you did think that. Until now, of course.

As your cheeks began to flame with embarrassment, you rolled over onto your side to face away from Jaebum. “No, I’m okay.”

There were a few moments of awkward silence -- very awkward silence -- before Jaebum spoke again.

“I’m not going to bite.”

“I know,” you whispered. “It’s not that, it’s just -- “

But there was no way you were going to tell him how embarrassed you were. Or how vividly you were imagining him holding you right now. Or... how good those imaginings made you feel.

So, you simply said, “Good night.”

You closed your eyes, not waiting for him to reply out of instinct. Because he hadn’t before (besides last night, but he hadn’t said ‘goodnight’ back, so does that really count?).

“Night,” Jaebum’s soft murmur answered, his low voice reaching your ear and dancing down your spine.

Part 7

[kessielrg]

Comeback Kid: Part 2

Summary: More third person additions to the chaos rp that @chibi-mushroom​ and @animacreates​  are doing.This time, Sabrina has spontaneously decided to break up with Ventus after what could amount to a nervous breakdown. In the aftermath, she is forced to take all her vacation time and become reacquainted with one of her favorite hobbies. But is it enough to get over Ven, or will the memory of him be too much to ignore? 

Rating: K+

Word Count: 2,398

Part: 1 | 2 | 3

If you liked this story, please reblog!

---

One of these days, Sabrina was going to have to ask Brain what the name of his cologne was. In the same breath, she needed to harass him on how much he used on a normal day. The cinnamon scent lingered on the still dryer warm t-shirt she had stolen. It was comforting. For once in her life, she was glad not to be surround by her purple obsession. The scent of lavender may be calming, but at the moment all it was going to do was remind her of the apartment.

And of Ventus.

Good thing Brain wasn't as vain as she was- the only mirror he really had was in the bathroom, attached to the medicine cabinet. If Sabrina had a full body mirror right now, she would have admired just all the ways she could have made Ven jealous. Brain's shirt didn't fall very low on her, but the old leggings she found were enough to cause a direct gaze to her butt. She was almost confident with herself again. Almost. Purposely being alluring to someone didn't mean the same if you didn't actually have someone to allure.

Sabrina grimaced to herself in the mirror, fluffing her hair a bit for something to do. She couldn't look herself in the eye. The last time she looked at herself in a mirror was when she skipped out on Ven. It's only been a day, and it still made her flinch. She had to leave the bathroom before she started to panic again. She went to the living room to find Brain sitting on his couch. The TV showing off some livestream on how to jailbreak a certain console. Sabrina walked up and placed her arms on the back of the couch.

“Could you hold off on being a blatant nerd? You're not even paying attention to it.”

Brain laughing, craning his neck to look up at her. “My house, my rules.” he told her. Then he got a good look at what she was wearing, and laughed. “And here I thought I was done with girls stealing my shirts.”

Sabrina let out a loud, incredibly fake gasp. “You had a sex life? Wow!”

“I could have told you about her if you had just asked. We dated for about a year. Not that I think I would have let you two share a room- you'd scare her.”

“I scare a lot of people. It's not even a challenge anymore.” Sabrina smirked. She moved around to sit next to him. Once she was comfortably sitting, she then asked, “So she was a good one?”

“Very good.” Brain agreed with a wide, incredibly fond, grin. Sabrina immediately recognized it as a grin of true love and scoffed.

“Oh shush, you.” her brother teased, forcing her to lay her head on his chest. She struggled for a moment out of annoyance. When she finally gave up, that was when Brain removed his hand from her head. Instead of sitting back up, though, she remained leaning on him. Brain did pick up the remote to change the TV setting so they could watch something on live broadcast. From there, the duo sat in a peaceful silence.

During the change between shows, Brain laid his head against Sabrin'as in thought.

“Hey Wabi-Sabi.” he mused. His voice was rather soft.

“Yeah?” she replied, her attention not leaving what was on the television.

“Do you remember, back before old Oz took us in, and we tried to spend a night out on the playground at Walt Memorial Park?”

Sabrina shifted a bit in her spot. Her face slightly darker than before as she asked, “Was that before or after the time we almost got caught by some officer around 2 AM?”

“You know what? I think it was that day.” Brain snorted. “But way before that, before the sun went down. Do you remember what we talked about?”

Admittedly, she had to close her eyes to try to remember. They nearly snapped open again as she realized, “It was about Mom, wasn't it? Why she left us.”

Brain gave her a solemn nod. “Not going to lie Sabi, I bluffed about a lot of that stuff. I wasn't there when Mom made the choice. I barely understood that she was the one who even made the choice to keep us together. Back then, I just assumed that they kept siblings together because who wouldn't? But I had to tell you something that night. You had just run away from another family. You were dead convinced that you couldn't be loved.''

“Why are you telling me this?”

“No reason,” he informed her with a grin. “Just thinkin' out loud, I guess.”

“Liar.” she spat, purposely using her elbow to poke at his side. Brain didn't refute the notion. If anything, he just laughed.

“So,” Brain then said, “What's your game plan for the next month? Oswald cashed in all that overtime and vacation pay you had. I can't see you just jogging between here and the old man's house everyday.”

“Shows what you know.” his sis huffed. “Just for that, I think I'm going to have you personally move all my stuff here.”

“What are you doing with the apartment, speaking of?” Brain asked.

“I don't know.” she admitted in a half grumble. “I'd let the lease run out, but that's still for another four months.”

“You really think you two will apologize between that time?”

Sabrina didn't answer. Instead, her face twisted into one of absolute disgust.

“Never said that.” she hissed.

“Sure, sure.” Brain laughed. “Just don't want you sitting at home with old Hollywood movies and ice cream, that's all.”

“Do you not know me at all?” Sabrina demanded, shoving him with enough force to make him move like a bobblehead for a moment. Brain's mirth did not let up. Sabrina gave her brother another disgusted grimace, but his words stuck with her.

Later on, while debating if she should clear her phone of certain numbers, Sabrina stopped scrolling through to see the name of her ex-boyfriend, Max. Max had been her first serious boyfriend, and they had managed to stay on good terms after the breakup. Sabrina made a single second choice, leading to her listening to the phone ring over as she waited for him to answer. She felt kinda dumb while waiting- was she really that self centered to think tha Max would have the time to even...

“Hey Max.” Sabrina greeted, almost in surprise, when he picked up the phone. “Yeah, I know it's been awhile. That's actually why I'm calling. You want to go to that little tea shop on Main Street tomorrow? I get it if you have other places to be since it's last minute...”

There was just one thing she could always count on in Max; he was patient when the situation called for it. Hearing him on the other end brought up a sense of relief she got from only a select few individuals.

“Thanks Max.” she sighed. “I just… need someone to talk to someone that isn't family. Yeah, I'm fine. Really. I'll tell you more later. Bye.”

Sabrina let out a long sigh. Well, that was one bandaid ripped off. Now to deal with the other; getting new clothes.

. . .

This island really was kinda small when you thought about it. She just hoped that no one Ventus knew would recognize her. Then again, the clothes she bought yesterday were darker colors meant to blend in with the crowd. If they managed to recognize her, hopefully she'd be long gone before they could flag her down. Seeing Max casually checking his phone outside the tea shop brought Sabrina a massive sigh of relief.

“Hey Max!” she shouted at him. He looked up and grinned at seeing her.

“Hey stranger.” he greeted with a grin. Once they were close enough they shared a rather heartfelt hug. “You wearing heels today? I knew you had legs for days, but I could've sworn you were shorter than this.”

“Nice try.” Sabrina smirked. She stood a bit taller over the fact that Max was several inches shorter than her. His height was perfect when they were dating- considering what he was nearly in direct eye line of. “You know I've never worn heels around you.”

“I used to be taller than you.” he jokingly pouted.

“Yeah,” she snorted. “For a whole summer.”

Max went into a laugh that was so light and joyful that Sabrina gave a small half smile. Bouncing more banter off each other, the duo headed on into the tea shop. Max found them a corner table near a back window.

“Anything look good?” Sabrina asked as they looked over the menu.

“Haven't had a tea party since I was swindled into one as a kid.” Max mused. “So I guess whatever you want to eat, and I'll take a cup of coffee.”

“How come you're only really adventurous when it comes to extreme sports?” Sabrina teased as she flagged down a waiter.

“Hey, if it's not broke, don't fix it.”

Sabrina just shook her head with a roll of her eyes.

“Welcome to Hightopp & Kingsleigh!” the server girl greeted. “May I recommend the earl grey this afternoon? Fresh from the pot!”

“No thanks.” Sabrina callously told her with a flick of her wrist. “We'll take a pot of peppermint rooibos, a baker's dozen of ladyfingers, and a single black coffee.”

“Sure thing!” the server girl agreed, writing it down on the notepad before heading to the back kitchen.

Sabrina and Max continued to have idle talks with themselves while they waited. There was no one else in this world that Sabrina could tolerate meaningless talks than with Max. They both said whatever was on their mind as it came. Thankfully, time away meant that they had plenty to reflect on. Unfortunately, it meant that at some point, current matters were going to be brought up as well.

She should have really asked to have a refill of hot water for the tea pot before even breathing Ventus's name.

“You just left him?!”

Sabrina groaned as she rubbed her temples. “Yeah...” she groaned. “His dad… I just hate his dad so much, Max. Then he started talking about marriage, and trying to convince Ven into whatever shady deal he's got going next, and it was just… Just…!” She looked up at Max to give a gesture of strangling an invisible neck, and it was enough to convey the message.

“All because your least favorite coworker was getting married as well?”

“And, like, everyone else around us! Ven's brother, two other guys from the station. How about we just chill for a hot second and realize that a ring isn't the only indicator of a good relationship?”

“You really should have gotten chamomile.” Max noted as he watched Sabrina take a rather long slip of her tea.

“Peppermint's better for stress.” she shot at him.

“If you say so,” Max replied, throwing his hands in the air to show innocence. Sabrina glared at him, but relented with a heavy sigh. Max looked her over. She had gone back to rubbing her temples and muttering rather unkind things under her breath. He had never really seen her in conflict before- or at least, this much conflict. Which meant he had to ask. Someone had to.

“Would things really change that much if you did marry him?”

Sabrina clung to the side of her head, her fingers clenching in her hair.

“No.” she finally admitted in a small grumble. “Just a different check box to fill when tax season comes around. It's the only excuse I can really think of. We're already living together, have at least one joint bank account because of it, and all that domestic bliss. We even have a chore chart, like a bunch of kids.”

“So what's holding you back?”

Sabrina grimaced -her teeth grinding- as her whole body tensed. Carefully, Max placed a hand on her arm. She looked up at him with the sole intention of smacking him away. But in seeing his sincere expression, she nearly started crying.

“Maxie,” she quietly told him “Is it bad I'd rather give him a kid than tie the knot?”

“Definitely unorthodox.” he mused with a solemn nod. “Maybe they feel like less of an obligation? You know the deal; some parents just drop their kids off to whoever, or just don't pay attention to them. Then they turn around and brag they're the best parents ever.”

“I can't do that to him.” she heavily sighed. “I just can't. And even then, I don't think I'm ready for a kid. Or any drama that happens during or after the pregnancy. Maybe when I'm 30? But doing so now just makes me sick.”

“Ah,” was all Max could say. He went into thought over this development. When a new idea came to him, he snapped his fingers as if he had solved a major mystery. “You said Oswald's making you take the next month off from work, right? Maybe it's time for a change.”

“Max,” Sabrina told him, even rather condescendingly placing a hand on top of his. “I am not going full Britney Spears and shaving my hair off. The mental breakdown was enough.”

“No,” he laughed, “Nothing like that. Look, you used to love dancing. Right? Roxanne is a teacher at the local dance studio. She mostly teaches the younger kids, but she's been itching for private lessons in her off time. Go take the edge off a bit. Do some pivots off the mirror, or spin around a lamppost for a hot second. Be that dramatic princess I know you are. Be yourself. I mean, it's not like Oswald's gonna let you head back into work right away anyway. Might as well make the most of it.”

“Next you'll be telling me that I should start writing a novel.”

“Well, I mean, if that's what you need...”

It hurt, but Sabrina forced herself to laugh. She looked up at Max and just smiled.

“I can't believe I know a lot of good guys.” she laughed, leaning over a bit to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Thanks Maxie.”

Max let out a shy little laugh as his face lit up a scarlet red.

[queenofgoats]

Shadows & Fears | Imagine having a date with Crowley

Summary: You’re the lucky human being who dived deep into the SPN Universe. Unfortunately you fell in royal demonic hands. So let’s see how you will get out.

Characters | !no pairs! : Crowley x Reader (gender not mentioned)

Word Count: 2.708

Warning: angst, alcohol, flirtations and words = just spn ;), no cheesy romance stuff

A/N: So. It's been a long, long time since I wrote a FF at all. And it’s my very first in english - so please be gentle. ;) I had a lot of fun while writing and hope whoever is gonna read it enjoys it at least a little bit. Feedback is very welcome. 

Have fun! :)

You were led through endless corridors. Which was hardly lighted up or even heated.   Only in the last room at the end of the hall you could  just guess a warm, flickering light. The thought of what was behind door 3 made you freeze. “Hey, what is the... OH COME ON!” you were shouted at. You didn’t dare to move. Like a deer in the face of the light at a highway.   A rough grib on the upper arm forced you to go on. Your breath became heavier. Faltering. Would the brothers come and save you? At the door frame you stuck again. You couldn’t, no, you didn't want to go in there. This would be your end.

And you were so careful. No involvement in the cases, at most some background research. Even to Sam and Dean you didn’t mention a word about their fate, however difficult it was. And damn it, it did! Still, you knew that it was only a matter of time before the bubble burst.   You just wanted a coke from the vending machine at the motel. As if out of nowhere they suddenly stood behind you. Two middle-aged men, really nondescript-looking and before your lips could even form a “help”, you found yourself in the back of a minivan. They were fast, strong and scary quiet. You didn’t know what happened to you until you saw these deep pitch black eyes in the rearview mirror. This couldn’t be true! Your thoughts circled around wildly, blurred and sheer panic ran through you like a poison, which slowly spreads in your nervous system. You knew these creatures very well. How they worked, what they drove or what they were capable of. And you knew him. So far from stories from Winchester or television. That alone was enough to make your blood run cold just imagine what's ahead of you. Various breakdowns later, you were already standing in this old freezer - probably an old slaughterhouse. He loved the atmosphere.

Again the grib at your arm. But this time you stucked. Everything in you resisted. The demon right next you groaned. Apparently babysitting wasn't in his payroll. His face reflected disgust and a certain… overwhelming? “Finally, we meet. Birdie.” This voice. This damn, damn voice. Your eyes squeezed tight, you hoped it was just an imagination. Or maybe you weren't meant. Footsteps echoed down the hall. Slowly he came closer. His presence crushed you, while your body wouldn’t stop shaking. You have never faced anything so dark and threatening.   A hand on your back made you wince. It barely touched the fabric of your top and yet it resembled an iron grip. You blinked open your eyes, the gaze fixed on the floor. A pair of very elegant lace-ups with fine lyra perforations caught your attention. You swallowed.

The king of hell pushed you into the room surprisingly gently and yet firmly. Closing the door made you flinch. You were terrified. So incredibly terrified. “Please, sit down. Don't be shy, my dear. " Breathing heavily, you complied with his request. It was a miracle that you could even hear his words over your hard pounding heartbeat. Crowley was one of your favorite baddies. You hated how he left the show. But you never wanted to meet him. For obvious reasons.   The demon took a seat next to you at a large table. Out of the corner of your eye you could see that one of his peasants stood by the door. The fire in the fireplace slowly thawed you again, but you still shivered. If not at the hand of this monster, you would probably die of pneumonia. You couldn't decide which was better. “Soo...” Crowley started smoothly voiced and as if caught you looked up at him. “We both know why you are here, it’s up to you if we stay in this chilly atmosphere or...” He smirked slightly.  

His hazel eyes drilled through yours, you felt like he was looking straight into your heart. While his voice was so calming and gentle. In fact, if it weren't Crowley himself, you'd find some pleasure in it. You became disturbed by your own thoughts. Focus! For the first time in your suddenly short life you looked at him. Or more at his absolute charming vessel. You got a feel for why he was called the King of Crossroads. A sigh escaped your lips. You took a quick look at the second demon on the door and leaned slightly towards Crowley. Breathe in. Exhale.

“Fine. I’m talking. But! Just under one condition.” you tried to sound professional and acted businesslike. You had a plan. Kind of. But you weren't allowed to show any weaknesses for that. You also saw these kinds of conversations so often in tv shows. You could do it! A twitch of the corner of his mouth indicated that you hit a point. Crowley didn't like arguing. Let alone from a simple human being like you. And yet he looked as if he had expected it. “Of course you have.” he mumbled almost bored. He grabbed himself a glass of whiskey and took a sip without leaving his eyes on you. “That would be? Let me guess y...” “I want a date!” you interrupted him hectically.   Crowley spat the drink across the desk: “A what?!” He didn’t even bother to hide his surprise. “With whom?” “You.”   There was silence for a short moment. The king of hell looked at you in disbelief. He really didn't expect that: “Why? What for?" You first took a look at the demon at the door, who didn't twist a mine, and then back to Crowley. “When I have told you everything, you kill me afterwards. That's ... okay I guess. But I don't want to die here in this hole. I want to shower, look good, and... be alone with you. A one-to-one conversation. Then you will find out everything you want to know.” You tried to smile triumphantly. “A good deal. For both, right?”

Actually you didn’t lie here. There will be no way to survive this. You’re not strong as the Winchesters, or smart like Kevin.   So why not make the best of it? Maybe you can avoid having him face his destiny? Maybe Lucifer won't be released from his cage?   Nobody except Crowley is allowed to hear this. Especially not one of the other demons. They would instant throw a welcome party for Abbadon. The king of hell stayed silent. Presumably he was wondering which part of your body to tear out first with his bare hands. He wasn’t exactly known for his patience. "I can tell you how you are going to die.“ you continued. For a brief moment he raised his eyebrows, but then he finally agreed: “Good. I choose the location."

You felt a painful sense of surprise and relief.

Just a few hours later your time had come.   You stood visibly nervous in front of the entrance of a big old cinema. The fingers kept pulling your clothes into place. Shortly after your deal, a servant brought you to Berlin. There you were allowed to freshen up and get dressed. Everything under the demon's watchful eye, of course. Crowley himself should receive you later in front of the location, it was said. And now you’re here. Oh damn what were you thinking? Sighing heavily, you looked over your shoulder. Maybe you should dare and just run away? Was it worth trying? Did you really want to be led to the slaughter like a pig? A thousand questions buzzed through your head. Yesterday was just a moment of panic. Not really thought out. Somehow. You turned on your heel and were just about to start a run when you heard his voice behind you again: “Birdie! You shouldn’t even think about that. We had an appointment.”

His words sounded so soft and smooth like a good red wine. Crowley knew exactly how to use his british charme.   You took another deep breath before turning to face him. A gentleman who would try, but couldn’t find his equals, Crowley smiled warmly and sweet. Yeah. Like good red wine. Soft and smooth. And poisoned. With an inviting gesture, he waved you over to him: “Let's have a drink, my dear. You look gorgeous by the way, really." He was different from when you first met him. Apparently he took his deals very seriously. You felt a bit like a prostitute's customer. You swallowed hard, but accepted his invitation.

First you entered a large reception room with sparse lighting.The ceiling was completely covered with small lamps that looked almost like a starry sky. While the old wood paneling made everything look a bit old and seedy. "The Kino International was built in the 1960s, right after they pulled up the big wall." Crowley broke the silence. There was a slight smile on his lips. “Oh well... I spent so many years in Germany,” he reminisced. As far as it was at all possible, you felt even more queasy.

A staircase took you to a large foyer in typical East German chic. Even if the brown dominated, it looked surprisingly classy. The chandeliers emitted pleasantly dimmed light, so that you could catch an overwhelming view of Berlin's landmark - the television tower - through the huge panorama windows. You are stunned.

~*~ Possession is the motivation ~*~   ~*~ That is hanging' up the God-damn nation ~*~

~*~ Looks like we always end up in a rut ~*~ ~*~ Tryin' to make it real, compared to what? ~*~

Roberta Flack's voice came to you calmly from the loudspeaker near the bar. If the initial situation were different, you would feel quite comfortable. Still astonished, you looked around as Crowley moved behind the counter. "What would you like to drink, my dear?" he broke your thoughts. “Erm... well... surprise me.” You sat down on one of the bar stools. The demon then rattled off all the barriers and drawers. Your eyes followed his movements until you blurted out: "I can't do this! Sorry!" Crowley furrowed his forehead: "What do you mean?" Desperately you threw your hands over your head. “This!” You bumped. "It’s ridiculous!"

You sighed. Hardly. “Are we really among ourselves here? Just you and me?" "Sure. As agreed." He said dryly as he handed you a freshly made cosmopolitan. You snatched the glass from him and drank the cocktail. In one sip. "Fine. Let’s do this." Then it literally gushed out of you. A long monologue about Abbadon, the darkness and everything that could be of interest to the king of hell. You only left out Chuck. Cause you already had Crowley on your neck and certainly didn't want to provoke God then.

The demon said nothing, just listened and at the same time seemed to be thinking about your words. When you were just finishing up, he put a new cocktail in front of you. Which you also emptied in one go. The nervousness just didn't want to be drunk away. "Mmh." he made. "Do the Winchesters know about it?" You shook your head. “Oleg and Bolek? Of course not." Knowing full well that they would only make it worse. As much as you loved the brothers, you knew that they were a danger to everyone around them. The confusion was written on Crowley's face: “But ... Why me? Don't get me wrong, Birdie, I'm honored and yet ... ” Inevitably you had to smile. "Let's be honest. You're probably the smartest being here. And you have the least interest of anybody else in seeing Lucifer free again. "Not untrue." he muttered. You tapped your finger on the edge of your glass: “Could I possibly get another one? Or wait! Better just the vodka. " Lost in thought, Crowley compiled while you listened to the well-chosen music.

With two glasses in hand, the king of hell stepped around the counter and sat down on one of the stools next to you. You knew you wouldn't leave this place alive. Nevertheless, a faint smile crept onto your lips. “You know Crowley, I like you. Somehow. You're practically my favorite baddie. " you started and held your glass out to him to toast," That's why I know what's in store for me. Still ... one more thing... or more a question." "Which would be? ... and cheers. ”, he checked. His gaze was on you. You couldn't help yourself because you suddenly felt comfortable around him. Safe. It was completely insane.  

The vodka burned your throat. You shook yourself briefly and turned to face him. “Crowley, what if I die here? I mean I don't belong here. No more than a disruptive factor in an intact universe. Am I, my soul, going somewhere or ... am I stuck? " The thought has plagued you since you (unintentionally) set foot in this cursed universe. You knew you didn't belong here. Every fiber of your body lets you feel it. All the time. So far you haven't really been able to grasp the fear, but rather suppressed it. But now it was sitting in a heavy weight on your shoulders. A deep sadness took you. Tears welled up in your eyes. You leaned against the demon next to you. The head was put  on his shoulder. You didn't want him to see you cry. Apparently you still have a bit of your pride left.  

You heard Crowley sigh. “Birdie, I can't tell you that. I don't know." His hand landed on your knee. It was surprisingly soft and warm, but nevertheless you twitched. “I've never heard of anything like you before. I'm sorry, and it really is, I can't help you.” Was it really Crowley who offered you comfort? Crowley? With a heavy heart you straightened up again. The alcohol slowly got into your head. Finally You leaned towards him, very close to his face. His breath brushed your cheek. The hairs stand up on the back of your neck which leads to goosebumps. You were mildly aroused and then grimaced as soon as you noticed.

The demon looked irritated: “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” You felt stupid. “I just... I thought. You’re far far out of my league. Forget it. Please.” You wrapped the arms around you and blushed.   “I understand.” Crowley grinned. “Oh my sweet, sweet summer child.” He leaned back and studied you intently. “I don’t give a damn fuck about human current body preferences. It’s constantly changing anyway.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m a demon, as you may remember, and all I desire is to spoil a pure soul beyond any recognition.” Embarrassed you thought about his words.

“Crowley...”, you began almost in a whisper, “would ... would you take my soul?” Hell didn't scare you nearly as much as the thought of your ghost going full vengeful in that old movie theater. He laughed. Loud. It was cold, arrogant and left you freezing. You felt it right down to the bones. "What should I do with it?" For the first time that evening, the demon came through him so clearly. You were afraid of him. More than ever before. You let him fool you. He leaned back in amusement and studied your shocked face. "Babe, your soul is useless." he said, still smirking and slid off his bar stool. "Another one?" he waved the glass. Ashamed you just nodded. You'd already got rejected dozent of times, but this was by far the worst.

Crowley prepared two glasses on the counter for you. The look he gave you was almost pityingly: "Oh Birdie, don't be like that now." Just slowly he moved back to you until he was right in front of you. "You are already useful." he whispered.   You looked at him wondering. And didn’t understand anything.

“Oleg and Bolek, as you called them so beautifully, still have the lost part of my demon tablet. And my prophet. ”He paused and took a long swig from his glass. "I would be crazy if I got rid of my pretty, little bait now, huh?" While he was speaking the last sentence in a haughty tone , his lips barely touched your ear. Tenderly he brushed a lost strand of hair from your face and patted your cheek.  

His demonic smile indicated that he was definitely the legitimate king of hell.

[fangirl-imagines]

By The Fire//Nick Kringle x Reader

A/N: Requested by @artlovingbre​

Nick couldn’t get out of the village fast enough. He didn’t even care that he was heading further and further away from any warmth the village provided the closer he got to the frozen lake hidden by tall douglas fir trees. Christmas was getting closer and closer but he wasn’t even sure he could make it to December 25th without having a nervous breakdown. Not with Santa’s Helpers following him around everywhere, Noelle making everyone call him Santa, all those hard landings, and the smell of reindeer that he could never seem to get out of his clothes anymore. As if you could see the anxious thoughts swirling around in his head, you squeezed his hand so tightly in yours that he could feel it through his thick red gloves. 

“Hey, you still with me there, Nick?” You stopped in front of him and smiled up at him teasingly. 

You had never called him Santa and he appreciated that. To you he was just Nick and that's what he needed right now. You were bundled up in a heavy scarf, hat, and mittens, and a thick y/f/c coat but your cheeks were still tinged pink from the cold. You were adorable. He relaxed slightly with a small sigh and nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve just got a lot on my mind still.” He gestured vaguely to his head with the hand you weren’t holding. “Christmas is only twenty days away.” He said it like it was his death sentence and it wasn’t lost on you. 

“Hey,” You took both his hands in yours and rubbed them gently in both of your smaller ones. “Come on, it’s your day off, you don’t have to worry about that today. Today there’s no sleigh crashes or chimneys to go down or Santa’s Helpers or reindeer.” 

Nick winces slightly at the thought. 

“Just you and me, some hot chocolate, and ice skating.” You kissed his gloved hands then let them drop from yours. 

Nick was quiet for a moment, thinking this over. “You know I always fall right?”

You looked up at him unamused, “Work with me here Nick.”

“Sorry, sorry!” He shook his head, looking down at you and pursing your lips. “Just don’t laugh at me okay? Please?” 

Your face softened with your heart. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Now come on.” 

You shook your head, tugging him forward through the woods. You broke out into a grin as the two of you stepped forward into the clearing around the lake. The lake was far enough from the village that almost no one ever came out to use it. Nick’s father had been the one to show it to him and Noelle as kids. As a kid it had felt like it was a thousand miles away from the rest of the world and that’s exactly what he needed right now. 

You let out an excited squeal, letting go of Nick’s hand and rushing towards the edge of the lake, dropping your bag off your shoulder and double clicking your boots/skates that Noelle had given you last Christmas. Nick laughed as he watched you, following you at a slower pace. He stepped up to the edge of the ice as you took your first glide out onto it. You laughed happily, arms out for balance as you glided smoothly across the ice. Your eyes were closed, your nose and cheeks were already tinged pink from the long, cold walk there, but you were smiling widely. Nick smiled back as he watched you. 

You opened your eyes back up and cocked your head at him. “Well are you coming or what?”

Nick looked down at his own boots and shook his head. He really did always fall and he was still sore from yesterday’s sleigh crash. It was the only reason he’d been given a day off really. He plopped down in the snow and pulled off his boots, pulling his skates out of his bag and starting to pull them on. As he started to lace them up you he worked his fingers slowly, still watching you on the ice. Santa training had been rough on you too even though you would never admit it to him. 

Ever since he’d become Santa people had been watching you under a microscope too, looking to you as the next Mrs. Clause and watching to see how’d you do. His mother was constantly dragging you away to try and show you the ropes that everyone expected you to be perfect at. Meanwhile you were also trying to get him through his Santa training and were there for him dealing with the loss of his dad but never once did he hear you complain. Seeing you relax and have fun for a change too was nice to see. You made another lap around the ice going backwards this time. 

You looked at Nick unimpressed, “I thought Santa was supposed to be fast? Five hundred and twenty-six million kids in one night and all that?” 

Nick rolled his eyes, “I’m not actually Santa yet.” 

You rolled your eyes playfully, turning on your heels and swaying over the ice in a figure eight. Eyes on Nick, there was no way for you to see the cracks forming in the middle of the ice. Not until your skate caught in one of the splintering chips, sending your body falling back and through the ice. Nick stopped lacing his skates, looking up at the sound of the ice breaking. He saw the exposed water and floating chunks of ice, he saw that you were gone but the realization that you were under the ice wasn’t something his brain could process. He blinked once, then again, then he started running. 

The water was freezing cold, pricking your skin like needles and shocking your body like you were paralyzed. In the cold, dark water you couldn’t tell where the surface was, where the hole you’d fallen in was. The thick weight of your coat and boots were dragging you down as you fought to find which way was up. You couldn’t see the the lights outside of the water or hear Nick screaming your name. You barely felt Nick’s hand gripping your arm before you lost consciousness. You felt like you’d only been out for a few minutes when you felt yourself being jostled and something rubbing against your arm furiously. You groaned and tried to bat it away but something thick and heavy kept you from moving your arms much. 

“Oh my garland! Nick, I think she’s waking up!” A high pitched voice yelled from above you. Noelle. 

“Noelle, please, give her some space!” Another softer voice urged. 

Mrs. Kringle. 

You groaned again. You were warm all over and your body exhausted. You had to focus all your energy on opening your eyes and slowly forced them open. Immediately you found yourself staring into two familiar blue eyes. 

“Y/N? Y/N, can you hear? Please say you can hear me?” Nick pursed his lips. 

You forced a smile. “Loud and clear.” You groaned, “What happened?”

“You fell through the ice and Nick had to pull you out!” Noelle yelled, causing you to crane your neck to look at her standing above your head. 

That’s when you realized you were laying on the floor in the Kringle’s living room beside the fireplace roaring. There were a pile of blankets covering you so thickly that you could barely move your arms. You struggled underneath them and Nick rushed to help you loosen them. 

“Careful! Please be careful!” He fussed while taking your hands and cautiously helping you sit up. 

His forehead was creased thickly as he smoothed his hands over your shoulders, pulling his thick red and white coat tighter around your shoulders. You let yourself relax into its softness, your wet hair clinging to the white fur. You smiled at him reassuringly. He caught your eye and relaxed his shoulders. His hand came up to stroke your cheek softly. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been out for about an hour.”

You opened your mouth to reply but were cut off by Noelle again, “Nick she almost drowned! Of course she’s not okay!” 

Nick threw her a look that made his mother shake her head. “Come along, Noelle. Why don’t we go get Y/N some hot chocolate to warm her up.” She smiled reassuringly at you and Nick, which Nick returned gratefully, as his mother led Noelle out of the room. 

Nick sighed as they left, turning all of his attention back to you. 

“Thank you.” You mumbled, relaxing back into the soft fur lining of his red coat. “I think you saved my life.” You gripped his hand in yours and squeezed. 

“Please, don’t ever scare me like that again.” He closed his eyes tightly, keeping his tears at bay even though you could see the way his eyes glistened when he opened then back up. “I saw you go under the ice and I just, I can’t do any of this without you Y/N. I just can’t.” He swallowed harshly.

He was barely keeping it together but when you wrapped your arms around his neck and squeezed he lost it. Tears flowed freely down Nick’s face, soaking into your shoulder but you didn’t mind. 

“I’m right here.” You muttered, “I’m okay. Everything's okay.”  You squeezed him back tightly, shivering slightly in his shaking arms. 

“Holy night, you’re still shivering!” He pulled away, grabbing one of the many blankets around you and pulling it tighter around your shoulders. 

You covered his hands with you as they fussed with the blankets. He stopped and looked at you, eyes still worried, but they fluttered shut when you closed yours and leaned up, pressing your chapped lips against his softly. The kiss was gentle and deep, warming you all over more than blankets or hot chocolate or even a fire ever could. For Nick, the kiss did more than just give him the usual warm, butterflies in his stomach feeling that it usually did. For Nick it was a reassurance that you were there, that you were safe and back home with him, and that you were together and everything was going to be alright. You only broke apart when you both couldn’t hold your breath any longer but Nick pressed your foreheads together, arm wrapped around your back to keep you close. 

“You stopped shivering.” He observed, catching his breath. 

You laughed, smiling at him. “I think you warmed me up.”

“Oh.” Nick blushed as he always did in these situations. “Well, um, maybe I should try that again?”

“Yeah, I think you should.”

And he did.

Until neither of you were shivering anymore. 

[uzumaki-rebellion]

“Wet Sugar” [Part 11 of 30]

"I won't make you pull out Getting it all tonight (All that I want) I just wanna go down In history how you like (Wanna be the one) As the one who makes you comfortable 'Cause your lips, they got me feeling very vulnerable (The way that you speak to me, freak with me Gives me a rise)

In too deep Don't wanna pull out (And I think we're) In too deep Don't wanna pull out…"

DVSN—"Too Deep"

Summary: Erik & Yani take a big step...

NSFW. Mature content. Smut. As always, Like/Comment/ & Reblog if you enjoy it! Happy reading!

Erik spent an hour soaking his right hand in ice. His knuckles were bruised from handling Chez.

Yani was quiet after they dropped Twyla off at Leona's. When he took her back to the compound to retrieve her car, her silence bothered him.

"You okay?" he asked when they arrived at Klaue's.

"I'm fine."

"You still look shook up from what happened."

"It was a lot to see."

"Can you stay over for a bit?"

"No, I have to get back to Sydette and then I'm heading over to my cousin's house."

"Can I come see you tonight? We can watch TV…I can help watch the kids—"

"It's better if I babysit alone. Bam is not good with new people and he won't let us watch TV in peace."

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

Her eyes wouldn't meet his and she rubbed her right hand over her thigh in a nervous tic. He stepped closer to her and let his left hand cradle her face.

"What's wrong? You still worried?

"Yeah."

He pulled her in for a hug and he felt her soft body relax into his, her tension draining in his arms. Her face rested on his chest.

"Nothing is going to happen. Believe me."

He tilted her chin up to him and bent his head to kiss her. Her lips took his and he was gentle with her mouth.

"Call me tomorrow if you want to hang out," he said. He didn't want her to commit to anything if she still needed to get her bearings.

"I will," she said.

He watched her leave and wondered if he ruined their fragile reconnection.

Hand cool and feeling better from the ice, Erik took a look at the security feed from all around the compound. No intruder detections. No weird glitches in the security system. He checked on the secret vault in Klaue's main house under the large world globe that held the man's liquor. Afterward, he took a walk to the gun range and made his way to a false room that led down into a fully functioning wide-open workspace.

Erik had already moved in the equipment he would need to work on Klaue's arm, the prosthetic secured behind a magnetized forcefield. He had carefully disassembled about forty percent of the arm to study the mechanical functions. Klaue confided that it was a modified Wakandan mining tool he had stolen when he snatched the cache of vibranium for Erik's father. The arm used sonic and electromagnetic tech, and it was Erik's second introduction to technology from his father's homeland.

The entity known as Ultron had rendered Klaue an unwilling amputee, and somehow Klaue had jerry-rigged himself a haphazard weapon from the Wakandan tool. The first thing Erik did was to implant a secret tracking device. Once he figured out how to fix the vibranium issue in the arm, he would deliver it to Klaue personally. He would always know where the man was anywhere on the planet. It would make Erik's life easier. He made a note to order some robotic tools through Marisol in Brazil and have it FedExed to the P.O. Box he had set up in Havensight under an assumed name.

Sound was his specialty, and his days at M.I.T. were spent studying sonic warfare. He was actually excited about working on perfecting the weaponized arm. He had a small glimpse of Wakanda by accident when he was a child. Rubbing his right knuckles, Erik thought of the night he had snuck out of his parent's bedroom with his father's kimoyo beads. He was almost ten and working hard on a science project to enter into the Stark Science Expo. An affordable personal homecare robot for the elderly, that's what he was creating for the expo. Something to help his Nana who had become too frail to care for herself the way she used to. His great-grandmother was one of the great loves of his life. He wanted to make something for her to help make life easy the way she had done for his mother before he was born.

Erik chuckled to himself. How strange it was to remember how he was so enamored with anything Stark related when he was a child. Then to become Tony Stark's intern at nineteen and getting to know the man behind the Expo was a whole other level of irony. To think that Iron Man himself had unknowingly helped prepare Erik for his takeover of the world by giving him access to cutting-edge cyber tech as a teenager was a feeling he relished. There would come a day, one day soon perhaps when Erik would look that man in the face again. Maybe they would have another conversation like the one they had ten years previous where they had shared some personal things with one another during a time where Erik's father had left him a small clue reminding him of what his destiny was.

The night Erik slipped away from his parent's room with the kimoyo beads had been a life-changer. Tinkering with his robot all day with his father as a test subject and observing his father's beads glowing with a silver light prompted Erik to wait for his father to slip the beads off of his arm and rest it in the velvet casing he kept it in at night near his bed.

Erik could remember it like it was yesterday. Watching TV with his parents on their bed, his father nudged him to leave so that he could make love to his mother. His parents hadn't even noticed him slipping the beads into his pajama bottoms. He left their room and went into his retrieving the fingerprints he had lifted from his father when he touched Erik's robot project. Erik knew that his father's beads weren't just decoration. They heated up sometimes. Changed colors. Glowed when Baba didn't think Erik noticed. Vibrated.

Sometimes his father stroked the beads, not as one would do to adjust jewelry, but more like he was typing a code into it, his subtle taps catching Erik's eyes. When Erik tried tapping the beads himself, nothing happened. So he set out to collect his father's fingerprints, trying to collect enough oils in the print to try and see if he could figure out a code that he was sure his father was using to make the beads stop glowing or even vibrate.

He could hear his parents making love, something that was normal to him as a child, and it was the perfect time to experiment with the beads. His father was a deep sleeper after he had sex, and Erik knew he could put the beads back before the sun came up.

Then it happened.

He used the lifted prints and a force bipolar gripping tool to try and open a bead, but then it all went haywire when a force-field of blue light blinded him with intense brightness that flooded the room. His own fingertips had access to controlling the beads at that point and he stroked one of the symbols releasing holographic images that floated around him with images of his father's homeland. His first introduction to the real Wakanda.

His parents caught him and Erik had a glimpse into his own future. It broke his family apart for a short time. Right before the really bad times began. When his family was broken forever.

He shook the memory away before it led to a place he didn't want to go to in that moment. The immediate goal was to figure out why the vibranium was overpowering the prosthetic controls in the arm. He couldn't do that until he knew how the mining tool worked inside and out.

After taking enough 4D photos of the interior of the arm, Erik took a break to make himself dinner.

"Yo man, you can't keep blocking the walkway."

Jerome only stared at Erik as he lounged on the cement path catching the final rays of sunlight. He walked around the iguana.

"Stop shitting near the pool too, nigga," he tossed back knowing the iguana didn't give a damn and would keep defecating wherever it pleased.

Dinner was just leftover grilled lemon chicken and a baked sweet potato. He ate his meal out on the balcony and watched the sea along with a bourbon colored sunset. He didn't feel like working on the arm again, and he didn't feel like reading or watching TV.

Sitting on the balcony in the balmy weather was pleasing to his overactive brain. His mind could become manic in a lot of ways when he worked on things. He checked his cell searching for Yani's name on the gossip site she mentioned. He saw the picture causing the ruckus and was glad that his dark glasses hid most of his face. He saved the picture in a gallery file. Something about the way they looked walking together made him feel good. Sydette was pointing to something that he was smiling at, and he could see why his dimples would make the comment section blow up. The baby was smiling too even though her eyes were blacked out, her own dimples deeper than his, and Yani clutching his arm just made them look like a little family.

He would be hard-pressed to blame Chez for thinking incorrectly about his paternity. Erik almost felt bad for the dude. Not over the paternity gossip, but for losing Yani. Ursula wasn't that much of a looker, and the other side chick he had on his couch was subpar at best.

He read the comments and the breakdown seemed evenly split, half thinking Yani had stepped out on Chez, the other half stanning Yani and applauding her for moving on from a deadbeat. He wondered how it felt for Yani to be island famous not because of her own talents, but because she had a baby with a popular man-baby. He couldn't imagine dropping babies in women back to back like that.

He checked Yani's timeline and she hadn't added any new pictures or updated her feed. He scrolled through old photos of her and her avatar popped up.

"Hello?" he said almost breathless.

"Hi," Yani said.

"Hey, what's poppin'?"

"You want to come over?"

His voice got a little cocky.

"I thought your little cousin would have a problem with me?"

He checked his watch. It was almost eight.

"My cousin ended up canceling her plans. I'm at home."

He wanted to pick her up and bring her to the compound, almost suggested doing that, but then he thought about Sydette. Shit. A baby did change a lot of things. Yani would have to pack up a bag for her and then, depending on when they left his place, they'd have to maybe wake the baby up, pack her up again while disturbing the child's nighttime routine.

It also meant that if he wanted to mess around with Yani, which he did want to, he was in Leona's home and sex was out of the question.

But he wanted to see her again.

"I'll be right over," he said.

###

They watched a sketch comedy show re-run with Sydette sitting between them on the couch. Leona was fast asleep and Twyla was in the bedroom she shared with Yani watching another TV show. When an adult animated show came on, Yani lifted up her t-shirt and slipped her bra cup aside to let Sydette do a final night feed before bed. Sydette suckled but kept her eyes on Erik, and he felt himself get a little jealous. He wanted to be on Yani and kept hoping the little girl would fall asleep soon. The thought made him think of his father again and how he would get annoyed when Erik used to linger on their bed to watch TV with his head on his mother's stomach. Somewhere in an afterlife, if there was one, his father was probably laughing at him. Erik now knew how he felt when Baba wanted alone time with his mother and Erik was blocking access.

Sydette was so sweet though, and he could see her eyes getting drowsy. Her head fell away from Yani's big dark nipple.

"At last," Yani whispered, "I'll be right back."

She scurried away with the baby and went to her room. Erik stretched his arms out on the couch and waited for Yani to return.

"You want anything else to drink?"

"No, I'm good," he said making his voice softer in volume.

Yani dimmed the lights in the room.

Alone at last.

She cuddled up next to him and they watched another episode of the animated show. He put his arm around her and she snuggled closer and he wished they were back in the living room of Klaue's house. His hand brushed against her right breast and she sighed. His eyes glanced over to the hallway. The two bedrooms had their doors closed and it was hard to see the couch from where the back rooms were.

"Give me a kiss," he said.

She tilted her head up and he kissed her, already knowing she was wanting some affection by the way she was leaning into him.

"Is Kendall coming home soon?" he whispered.

"No. He's performing tonight at a club on the other side of the island."

His lips devoured hers and she squirmed on the couch. He pulled her to sit sideways on his lap.

"My turn with them titties, baby," he said pushing her shirt up. She held it up for him with her left hand and he pulled out her breasts from the cups of her bra and latched his mouth onto the right breast. He sucked on her like he needed to be fed, his lips going back and forth to lick and nibble each nipple. His dick was already getting fat in his shorts just from how he was excited by her large nipples.

He kissed her and her hungry mouth gave as much as he could greedily take. His right hand fondled and plucked at her tips. Her head turned slightly back to check to see if anyone was stirring from the back rooms.

He pulled her hand to touch his erection that grew against his thigh.

"Look what you did," he whispered.

She tugged on him and his lips pressed into hers until her fingers curled around the head of his dick. He was free-balling in his knee-length basketball shorts. They both could see the wet stain where his clear fluid was soaking through against his thigh. She gripped him tight and he pushed his face between her breasts.

"Fuck…you got me so hard. Taste me baby…"

His fingers touched hers on his tip and he let his pre-cum wet his fingers. He brought the sticky fluid up to her mouth. She sucked on his fingers.

"Put Daddy's dick in your mouth."

Her hot tongue licked off the last of the natural lubricant from his fingers. He didn't care that he was in Leona's house at that point. He pulled down his shorts and let his erection spring free, his balls felt heavy resting on the couch.

"Take care of me, baby," he said, not liking the begging tone in his voice. He pulled her t-shirt over her head and pushed her off of his lap. He was rough with her, his desperate need to finally have her mouth on him stopped him from caring about gentle nudging. Not with those big juicy tits out like that and her perfect lips hanging open, her pink tongue licking the corner of her mouth.

She widened her legs and the soft silky green shorts she wore rode up until they were wedged tight against her inner thighs. She stroked his dick with her hand. He would normally yank a woman's hair when she didn't do what he wanted right away, but there was nothing to grab on Yani, her crispy as fuck fade sleek and gorgeous, her eyes set on his.

"C'mon girl, suck this dick, stop playin'."

He slapped at her face playfully and she ducked back from him, her thumb gliding over his glans with slow deliberation. They both watched him drip from his slit a copious amount of lubricant and she just kept fingering his wide spongy tip as it slid across her thumb and fell to the floor.

Her left hand lifted up her left breast and she squeezed it, then brought it against his dick. She let his tip rub against her nipple and more fluid dripped from him.

"Yani…"

He squirmed on the couch and her eyes stayed on his, watching him, but she still didn't give him what he wanted. Her silence unnerved him but he was hypnotized by his slick glans circling her areola.

"Fuck!"

Her mouth slipped around the top of his glans and sat there, her tongue pressed against the underside of it, resting on his frenulum and giving light pulses that made the sensitive skin tingle. He thought she would insert the rest of his length in her throat, but no, she stayed right on that glans, her tongue beginning to glide around the corona, that equally sensitive ridge surrounding the head before she dipped the tip of her tongue into his opening. Pre-cum pooled onto her tongue and her wet mouth spit into his weeping slit. Soft flicks into that hole made him clutch the cushion of the couch.

"Ah…damn…"

Erik's toes bunched up and his legs jerked with his thighs.

She let a stream of saliva drip all over his shaft as her tongue ran down the underside of his erection and suckled his balls, one by one until she had them glossy with her spit. She licked back up his length and engulfed the head again and just suckled it. Her tongue kept spreading spit around the head keeping it nice and slick. Trailing her nails past his heavily groomed pubic hairs, Yani rested her left hand on his stomach and twirled her index finger around his belly button.

She had his nuts jumping, each ball sack moving up and down. He'd never had his balls react so strongly like that and he had no control over their movement. The heels of his feet dug into the carpet because his slides had been kicked off the moment she licked the seam of his sack with that honey tongue.

His dick deepened in color and he watched his balls rise up tight.

"Hmmmmph!" he groaned when she finally took him deeper in her mouth.

His eyes darted toward the hallway opening, but it was still quiet in the back.

He tried pushing her head further down on his length, but she brushed his hand away, allowing her lips to suction down his dick so slow that he grabbed a throw pillow and shoved against his mouth to keep from yelling out loud.

By the time she was bobbing her head and slurping all over his shit, he gave up on controlling the situation. When she changed the pace back to slow and sloppy wet, he was ready to slay giants for her with his bare hands.

"Whatchu doin' to me baby?" he choked out with the pillow near his waist just in case.

Her eyes challenged him.

"Sucking your dick like you want," she said sliding her lips under the head.

"You sucking the fuck out this dick."

"You like it?"

"Fuck yeah…ohhh…don't stop…don't stop…shit baby, I wanna stick this dick in your pussy right now…stretch out them fat pussy lips…"

She released her mouth from him, her bottom lip wet with saliva from his shaft. His face contorted with pleasure and he was afraid to move or else she would do something to make him wake the household up. He gripped himself and slapped her lips with the weight of his thickness.

"Open that mouth back up…open up! Shit…got my balls still jumping…"

She did as he demanded and he thrust deep into her throat, moving his ass to the edge of the couch so he could hold her head with both hands and fuck her mouth hard. She pushed back from him when she gagged and he finally felt like he had the upper hand. Her lips and neck were drenched with spit and more of the pre-cum he released in her mouth. His balls were raised up tighter.

Yani plucked at her nipples, taking her time, gazing down at her own fingers pulling on the stiff tips. She jiggled their heft for him, and just like that, he gave in again, falling back on the couch and holding his dick up for her.

"Gimme that mouth…"

Her fingers slipped down her shorts and he could hear how wet she was down there between her folds. He shut his eyes thinking of her on his bed back at the compound as he fisted himself. Her tongue licked his balls, trailed up his length again and then she deep throated him.

Erik sat there and let his body take in all the sensations that cascaded all over him. Every nerve seemed to be vibrating in his skin and his erection was even more swollen.

"Take this fat black dick in your mouth, girl."

He felt the vibration of her groan around his dick, the veins pulsing in her mouth.

"Yeah, you like that. You like this fat dick in your mouth. Say it!"

She stared up at him, all treacly and innocent-looking in the face like she didn't have long inches of veiny black cock packing her throat. Her lips peeled back from him.

"I like this fat black dick in my mouth."

"This the only dick you gon' suck from now on. Hear me?"

"Mmmhmmmm."

"You taking it deep, baby. Make a nigga feel that shit…yeah."

She was shameless with her throat game.

"I'm gon' fuck the everlasting shit out of you…wait 'til I get you in my bed…beating them walls up. Packing that pussy deep. Sucking me so good, baby. You want Daddy to bust all in your mouth…all in that mouth. So fucking nasty wit it, Yani…so fucking nasty…oh shit baby! Oh fuck!"

Her neck was working his fat dick like there was no tomorrow. He couldn't hold out much longer. The heavy surge of semen was hot at the root of his cock. He gripped the couch pillow again ready to spring it up to his mouth.

"Yani…Yani…fuck…baby…I'm cumming…I'm cumming baby…swallow Daddy's cum…you nasty bitch…giving you this big load baby…Yani!" His throat felt red and raw from trying to keep his voice down without having to smother his face with the pillow. He wanted to watch her take his nut.

Erik's hips bucked and Yani swallowed his cum. When he hit the back of her throat, he pulled out and jerked off until more thick ropes spurted all over her face.

"Ah, yeah…that's it right there…damn girl…dassit!"

He slapped his dick on her face, the shaft still stiff as it smeared more cum across her lips and chin.

"Fuck, baby. I drenched your whole face…"

Yani opened her mouth and let his cum dribble down onto her breasts where her fingers rubbed it all over her chest. Erik bent down and picked her up, putting her side-saddle on his lap again.

"I better clean up my face—"

"Nah. Take your shorts off."

"Killmonger—"

He yanked on her shorts and the force of his grip startled her.

"Take them off."

He wasn't asking her. She looked over her shoulder.

"Nobody is waking up. Do what I tell you to do."

Her eyes widened, and for a second, he thought she was going to get up from his lap. He tugged on the waistband of her shorts and she eventually wiggled out of them. She only had her bra on twisted down her shoulders and not even covering her breasts.

He shoved open her thighs and let his index finger rest on her engorged clit. He felt it twitching under his finger.

"Don't move," he said.

The slow compact circles made her whimper.

"Killmonger—"

"Shut the fuck up."

His left hand rested around her waist and his right hand played with clit and only her clit. His head rested on her right breast but his eyes stared at her clit.

"Fat pussy," he hissed. Her outer labia were so puffy. He wanted to bite her pussy lips, mark that shit up with his slugs, make her know she was all his from now on.

She wiggled her wide backside on his thighs.

"Yani…I said don't fucking move."

He added his ring finger and circled her clit even slower.

Her thighs shook and she tried her best not to move anything more than that, but his delicate fondling made her pussy wetter, he watched her pink slit wink open spewing her stickiness out onto his lap. He started making zig-zag patterns on her nub along with the circling. Her ass cheeks clenched.

"Killmonger…please…."

"Nah. This is what you did to me. You give it, ya gotta take it too, girl. Thought I told you to shut your fucking mouth…"

Yani threw her head back and her lips curled up in a pout. His teeth grabbed onto her nipple and bit hard enough to make her gasp and stare at him. His left hand slapped her ass hard, the sound echoed in the room and her pussy spasmed.

"Got my cum all over your face. I like that shit. Get used to it. I'ma put it all over you when I get you alone—"

"We're alone now—"

He slapped her clit and her eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open.

"Stop being so fucking hard-headed."

He kept teasing her tight bud, never letting his various strokes go faster or slower, just the constant pressure that had her pushing hard sighs from her throat, made her chest heave so that her breasts jiggled, and forced her sweaty body to heat up even more against him. His dick was brutally hard again.

"Look at your pussy," he said.

Her eyes glanced down and her inner lips were covered in her slick.

"Won't need no lube when I get up in there."

Her chest heaved again and he kissed her, slipping his tongue into her mouth. She let go of his lips and looked down at her pussy again, his fingers constant sensual torture on her engorged clit.

"Killmonger!"

He was ready to scold her again, slap her vulva, but her desperate exhalation of breath caught him off guard as a bit of colorless fluid sprayed out of her urethra and her vaginal opening throbbed uncontrollably.

"I'm cumming…I'm cumming…I'm cumming…Gawd…" Her soft breathiness made his eyes roll back. Her voice was so sexy when she tried to be quiet and discreet. Her right hand clutched his shoulder with her nails digging into his skin.

Her face dropped onto his shoulder as she bit into his neck to keep from screaming out loud. Her orgasm seemed to last a long time before her teeth let him go and she slumped against him. He had a handful of sloppy wet pussy and his stiff dick was ready to beat down her walls. He reached for his shorts and realized he forgot to bring his wallet. The wallet and the two condoms he had hastily stuffed into it were left sitting on his bed when he had changed from jeans to shorts after working on Klaue's arm.

Erik laid back horizontally on the couch and pulled Yani down next to him spooning her. Rattled from the way she came on his hand he pressed his fresh erection between her thick cheeks and humped her like he was fucking her pussy. His body temperature was scorching and he felt sweat glide down his back and ass. His hands clutched her breasts and he dropped his scruffy cheek next to her face.

"I wanna be in your pussy, baby," he gasped, pumping against her fat ass.

Yani pressed back hard against him, flexing her cheeks so that her ass gripped his dick.

A noise distracted her.

"Twyla's up," Yani whispered. They could see the faint light in the hallway coming from her room.

They heard the soft stop and start cries of Sydette.

Erik kept pumping, his hips grinding his stiffness harder against Yani's ass.

"I have to take care of her—"

"Yani…wait a minute…lemme finish…I'm 'bout to bust—" "Killmonger, my baby is crying—"

"Hold on—"

She tried pulling away from him and he held her in a vice grip.

"I'm cumming baby!" he hissed in her ear.

Hot spurts shot on her back and dribbled down onto the curve of her ass.

"Goddamn," he groaned, rubbing her behind.

He released her and she ran to the bathroom with her clothes in her hand. Reaching for his clothes, he dressed quickly and sat back up on the couch. The cushion was damp so he padded into the kitchen to find paper towels to wipe up the mess they made. They should've put a towel down before they started.

Yani's body darted into her bedroom and she was gone for a long time. Erik cleaned up the couch then flipped channels on the TV. There was nothing on so he sat quietly waiting for her.

She returned carrying Sydette who had tiny jewel-like tears sitting on her cheeks. Yani took her into the kitchen and returned with a small round teething ring from the freezer. The baby's lips suckled the cold ring.

"She's in pain," Yani said.

"Baby teeth coming in are tough," he said.

Yani wouldn't sit next to him, just cradled Sydette while the baby gnawed on the ring.

"Come sit down," he said making sure he sat in the damp spot on the couch.

"I'm going to be up with her for a while…so…"

"I should leave then?"

"Yeah, it's painful for her and it'll be boring for you to stay—"

"I don't mind—"

"I'm tired. And I need to focus on her."

Her tone was neutral. He had messed up.

"I wasn't trying to keep you from her—"

"I have to deal with this now, Killmonger."

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

"I have to work."

"What time—"

"I'll call you when I can see you, okay?"

He stood up and walked over to her. He looked down at Sydette and stroked her head.

"Hey, Sweet Pea. You'll have all your teeth soon and this won't hurt anymore," he said.

It pained him to see her with tears on her face and to hear the pitiful sounds she made. He stroked her cheek and then stroked Yani's arm.

"Goodnight," he said.

He leaned in and kissed her cheek, grew bold and kissed her lips. She accepted it but pulled back quickly when Sydette started crying harder.

Walking out of the apartment, he thought of how he should've let her go to the baby. His need for pleasure and release made him ignore her need to handle her business. He'd never been with a woman with a child before. Actively avoided it. Maybe if he had seen her with her baby first, he would've ignored her.

He kept replaying his actions. He didn't keep her from Sydette that long. Maybe two minutes? And Twyla was in the room with the baby, so if it was a real emergency, an adult was there to handle it. He shook his head as he drove to the compound. He hoped she would call him.

###

Yani finished the Eco Tour intro to a group of thirty tourists. A Carnival Valor cruise ship had arrived for a six-hour excursion at the island, and this tour would take five hours with lunch. A full package tour of kayaking, hiking, and snorkeling.

"Let's go!" she said with true enthusiasm as she led the group to put on their vests and pick out their kayaks.

She sprayed sun-block on her arms and put some on her face as she slipped her high-def work shades on. She did another headcount and was shocked to see Erik climbing into a kayak with her group. She didn't even see him while she gave the intro talk.

"Where did you come from?"

Erik had his own wrap around shades on and his smile was seductive.

"Been here the whole time. I was standing in the back when you were talking."

"I didn't see you."

"I was to your right near the tree."

She didn't know if she felt annoyed or elated to see him at her job. She told him she would call him.

"I wasn't trying to jump on your tour, I just missed the earlier one by ten minutes, and I only took this one last minute. I'm not stalking you. I promise."

Taylor, Yani's co-guide on the trip, was already leading the kayakers out on the first leg to Cas Cay.

That damn smile again. Those dimples. And that body.

"Don't distract me," she said.

The paddle out to the cay was pleasant, and Yani brought up the rear of the group making sure no stragglers got stuck if they had trouble maneuvering their kayaks. Erik ignored her and spent time chatting with some women from Atlanta, two Black twins with cute braids piled on their heads and light brown skin that was slathered with an oily sunblock.

The three of them laughed a lot and Yani caught snatches of their conversation as Erik asked about neighborhoods and food places. Kayaking through the mangroves was filled with excited chatter and by the time they began the hike on the Cay two hours later, Yani was feeling a bit testy with Erik acting like she didn't exist at all. He partnered up with the twins again on the hike and when she tried to stay near them, Taylor had to keep reminding her to stay in the back for folks who had to use the restroom and needed to catch up without getting lost.

After a packed lunch they went snorkeling for the final part of the tour. The protected clear waters had people oohing and ahhing at colorful fish and when one of the women with Erik squealed out loud and jumped on him, Yani felt her blood pressure go up. The woman was clutching his biceps, her fingers on his keloids since he was topless.

"It's just a sea turtle!" Erik called out to everyone. The squealing twin took a long time letting go of him.

The turtle swam out to sea as the tourists stayed a respectful distance watching it as they snorkeled.

Erik's eyes sought out hers and something on her face made him dog paddle over to her. He looked her over and splashed a little bit of water on her.

"What's that face for?" he asked.

"Why you so touchy-feely?"

"Touchy-feely?"

His face scrunched up with confusion and then he smiled.

"She jumped on me."

She splashed water back at him.

"You must've learned a lot from your two new best friends, huh?"

"Girl, stop…"

He leaned in to kiss her.

"I'm still at work," she said backstroking away from him.

He watched her with a smirk on his lips and followed her.

"How's Sweet Pea?"

"Doing a little better. She just has to endure. We all went through it."

"Were you upset with me last night?"

Yani's eyes took in who was around them.

"You have to understand something. Sydette comes before anything. If I have to go to her, I don't care what I'm doing, I'm going to her." "Got it. Won't happen again."

He wiped his eyes and she led him further from the twins.

"Let me show you something," she said. She adjusted her tankini.

"You're at work though," he said.

"Shut up!" She said splashing water back at him.

She pulled her goggles and breathing tube back down and he did the same.

She swam over to a rock formation and pointed out some black and yellow rockfish. Erik gave her a thumbs up underwater and they saw more colorful beauties. His hand reached out and touched hers and she grabbed his hand and pulled him closer so she could see his eyes through his goggles. She lifted off the snorkel gear holding her breath and he did the same. She dived down deeper and he followed.

Baby barracudas swarmed in some mangrove roots and Erik was cautious as he swam next to her. They popped back up and his smile was bright.

"That was wavy," he said.

He treaded near her and gave her a kiss.

"People might see," she said.

"I don't care."

She kissed him back and before he could press up against her tighter, she shot away from him to return to the group.

The paddle ride back was nice mainly because Erik kept his kayak next to hers.

"You are great at this," he said, "I learned a lot."

"Good."

"I'm surprised you didn't become a marine biologist instead of a nurse. Water is your element."

"My parents used to say that."

"This job is physically taxing. You have to do this again when we get back?"

"No. We rotate. I led groups last week, and after this group is done, I'll help prep the kayaks for tonight. We do night time kayaking too."

"I should try that next time."

"It's fun."

Erik hung around as she bid the tour guests goodbye. When she was about to go clean the kayaks, he approached her. Some of her co-workers watched them.

"Call me when you have some free time," he said.

He left her standing by the dock and she wanted to leave with him. Being near him was difficult, her need to touch him was overriding her need to figure out how she would handle sex with him. When he first arrived at her Aunt's house, her clit felt like it had a heartbeat of its own. Just his arm around her was enough to make her start sweating with nervousness. She wanted him so bad, and she could tell he was going to push her to do things his way. And she wanted to do it. When he made her sit on his lap, she could not keep her mouth shut, could not keep herself from responding to his touches. When he struck her backside and her clit, she was sure her family could hear them. They couldn't mess around like that anymore in her Aunt's place. There was no such thing as simple petting with him. Or quiet make-out sessions. He was beyond that.

She finished her shift and went home to leftover peas and rice and baked chicken. She comforted Sydette with her teething ring and fell asleep before she called Erik to tell him she was home.

Working the morning shift at Eco Tours, Yani was finished by three and picked up Sydette before heading to Kmart to pick up some sales on diapers and new baby clothes. She strolled up and down the aisles with Sydette sitting in the shopping cart picking out items for the house that her Aunt would probably need.

Standing in line, she became aware of two women staring at her from behind.

"Is that Big C's baby for real?"

The woman asking had a scarf over her hair, her eyes unkind as the woman next to her stared at Sydette. Yani stood closer to the cart blocking their view of her daughter.

"You're just ignoring me?" the woman in the scarf said.

"I don't know you," Yani said turning her back toward them.

"That baby not his. Don't even look like him," the other woman slurred under her breath.

Yani started placing her items on the conveyor belt. Scarf woman took out her phone.

"Don't take pictures of my baby," Yani snapped.

The woman glared at Yani.

"I'm not hurting her—"

"Mind yuh business or leave the store."

The store clerk handling Yani's items cocked her head toward the two women, her voice loud and firm.

"Mind yours," the other woman said.

Yani picked up Sydette and kept her face away from the women.

"Do I need to call security?" said the clerk.

The two women rolled their eyes and Yani paid for her items.

"Mel, can you help this customer with her bags, please?"

Another male clerk who walked in with a few carts walked over and took Yani's things at the sales clerk's request.

"Thank you," Yani said.

Yani kept her hand over Sydette's face as she followed the young man out. No telling if other people recognized her and wanted to snap candid shots. She led the helper to her car and he placed her bags in the trunk as she put Sydette in her car seat. When she was alone, she sat quietly in the driver's seat. She was accustomed to people approaching her, but not people focusing in on her baby. It worried her.

She scrolled her social media feed and there was nothing new really. A few photos of her and Kendall under the hashtag "Juvay". A post about "Fiyahbun" being re-mixed in London with another artist adding a bar or two. Kendall was probably over the moon and Yani wondered who the other artist would be.

She checked a few other hashtags with her name and it was mainly photos of her with fans of the album, and a couple of old pictures of her and Chez in happier times. She saw the two women who were behind her in the line leave the store. She still felt unnerved. She would have to start keeping Sydette covered, or maybe go to stores later at night or early in the morning. She could handle things when it was just directed at her. But not her baby.

If she was to be with Killmonger, they would have to limit their public interactions, especially if Sydette was with them.

###

Eight days.

Eight days since Erik swam with her at Eco Tours, and eight days since she had seen him in person.

Her time had been spent working her two jobs and caring for Sydette. She left him messages twice but kept missing his calls because she would be traveling between Eco-Tours and the restaurant. His concern when he did talk to her on the third day was to make sure she was rested and able to spend quality time with Sydette, while also studying up for school in the fall. He said he was working on some things for Klaue that took up most of his time, and she missed talking to him in person. By that sixth day, he stopped leaving text or voice messages.

The eighth day of not hearing from him filled her with dismay. It was a rare day off for her, and she took the time to visit the clinic to get tested, leaving Sydette with Kendall for two hours. She spent the rest of the day looking after Sydette and checking her cell every fifteen minutes until she finally packed the baby up in her car and drove to the compound.

Standing in front of the gate in the dark, she hit the intercom button several times. She called him on the cell three times and still had no response. He didn't even have her on read for her texts.

Maybe he left the island again.

She pressed the intercom again and felt an overwhelming sadness come over her. Her lip trembled and she felt her eyes welling up.

Maybe he had changed his mind about her. Maybe he was off with someone else who didn't work all the time or have a baby to care for. Maybe he ghosted her and—

"Hey. Yani. What are you doing here? You have the baby with you?"

He stared at her face from the security vid screen.

"Hold on," he said.

She heard a loud buzz and the main gate rolled open.

She didn't bother to drive the car in, just walked in with the baby in her arms. Making her way to the main house, Erik met her halfway down.

"What's going on?" he asked.

He wore comfortable sweats with slides and some light green protective goggles rested on top of his head.

"Yani?"

She pressed her face into his chest.

He took Sydette from her arms and she buried her face more. He threw an arm around her.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"I just want to see you," she said, "I thought you were gone."

"Ah, girl. I'm still here—"

"You never answer your phone or return my calls—"

"I've been working non-stop. So have you—"

She felt stupid for bawling into his shirt.

"Come on," he said.

He walked her and the baby down into Klaue's main house and sat her on the balcony lounger facing the ocean. He held Sydette and the baby sat quietly looking up at Yani.

Yani wiped her eyes and sat back into the cushiony softness of the lounger.

"It's been eight days since I've seen you. I've been working…I went to the clinic…I've been prepping for school. Sydette still has teeth pain…"

"It's hard doing everything by yourself. I know. I wanted to give you space to handle your life. I don't want to intrude or put pressure on you. I'm new to this type of relationship, still trying to figure out where I fit in on your schedule. I wanted to see you too. Don't think I didn't."

"I want to make time for you—"

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Yani."

Erik pulled her in closer and she rested her cheek on his shoulder. Sydette reached for her and Yani picked her up and held her as she leaned into Erik.

"It's tough. It's more crowded at my Aunt's house and I'm tired all the time."

They watched the slow lazy waves of the high tide roll in. Erik rubbed her arm and Sydette sat with her head against her chest.

"I'm just so tired…"

"Rest then," he said.

It was the last thing she heard before her eyes fell shut.

###

Water.

Sea Birds.

Fresh ocean air.

Yani's eyes popped open and she sat up fast and disoriented.

"Sydette?"

Her eyes ogled the room she was in and for a moment she thought she was dreaming because she didn't recognize her bedroom.

She wasn't in her bedroom.

She was in Erik's bedroom.

Wearing only her t-shirt that she drove over in, Yani pulled the covers back and stepped off the plush mattress and silk sheets. The wall to wall windows were partially open and she could smell clean air rushing off of the sea.

Shit. It was morning.

"Killmonger!"

She rushed out of the master bedroom and found Sydette sitting back out on the balcony with Erik. They both sat on yoga mats facing the water. Erik had his hands out in open palm prayer reception, and Sydette was right next to him, sitting up and watching his face. Her teething ring was clutched in her fingers.

Yani stopped to watch them.

She could hear Erik whispering morning prayers in Arabic, his hair tied up, and his blue linen shirt matching the morning blue of the sky.

"Mama!"

Sydette crawled to Yani as soon as she saw her, and Erik laughed at how fast she could get across the floor.

Yani reached down and picked the baby up.

Erik stood and stared at her. For a long time.

When he walked into the house, he stroked her cheek.

"What time is it?" she asked.

She was disoriented, didn't even know where her cell was, and Klaue didn't keep clocks in the house. Our Lady's Manor was to be a timeless place to relax for him.

"Nine."

"I didn't mean to fall asleep on you," she said.

"You were exhausted. I put you to bed. Sydette and I were right there with you."

"I left all her stuff—"

"I brought it in from your car when I drove it into the garage last night."

He took Sydette away from her again, and her daughter squealed and played with Erik's locs.

"Go back to rest. You can sleep as long as you want. I let Twyla know where you were."

Sleep.

God, that's all she wanted to do.

"I'll watch Sydette."

"It's past her morning meal," Yani said.

"She's good. She ate already. There was a jar of pears and peas in your baby bag. She's been bathed, diapers changed, the whole nine yards. Go on back to bed. If she needs you, I'll bring her to you."

She hesitated.

"Are we keeping you from your work?"

"Nah. Today will be an off day. All day."

She nodded and his eyes were gazing at her again in a strange way.

"What is it?"

"I want you to make a decision."

"What kind of decision?"

"I want you and the baby to stay here with me. I'll hire you to be my personal housekeeper and cook. But you don't have to do anything. Just take care of Sydette and do what you want to do before you start school. I'll pay you whatever you make at your jobs…double. I know you like the Eco Tours place a lot, so if you want to work there once or twice a week, I'll take care of Sydette, or take her to your Aunt's while you work outside the compound—"

"Killmonger, that's—"

"Let me give you this. Okay? That way we'll have time together when you want. And you don't have to worry about me not calling. I'll be right here with you."

"We're still…you're asking me to live with you…with a baby…"

"I don't want to see you crying at the front gate worried about me."

"That's huge. What if—"

"If you think I'm moving too fast, you and the baby can have any of the other two houses for yourselves. You make up your own schedule. I'll need you here to watch the place anyway when I deliver something to Klaue next month. Or maybe sooner. Your Aunt will be gone, so who else will I have? Think of it as your regular Klaue job if it makes you more comfortable with the arrangement."

She watched his face.

This man was something else.

"Any of the other two houses?"

"Your choice. Move in today if you want."

"I want to think about this."

"You know you don't have to think too hard, Yani."

Her heart palpitated.

Live here? In paradise? Beach all to herself? A big soft bed. Peace and quiet. Her baby swimming in a pool with her and being able to be in the sea whenever they wanted to be. Together. Sweet Pea crawling in the soft grass and being around trees and flowers. Getting to know Jerome. Having a mother who was relaxed and Lord Jesus…present for hours. Her baby deserved that.

"I want to take Sydette with me. I want to figure this out. Really make sure, y'know?"

Erik nodded.

She held Sydette close to her on Erik's bed. The giant king-sized luxury bed put Sydette to sleep within minutes.

Yani played with her daughter's beads.

She would stop working at the restaurant. She would stop working there any way by September, but if Erik was paying her double, no sense staying there. It was a night gig and she could be home at night from now on. Eco-Tours was a favorite place. She could work there once or twice a week just for fun and to get out of the house and meet new people.

What was holding her back? Why couldn't she say yes? And God, he was offering her a house of her own for three months. All to herself. She could have the house with the pool. A house she cleaned and prepped for other people since she was fourteen.

Erik's voice carried through the open windows.

"Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem, Alhamdu lillaahi Rabbil 'aalameen…"

Yani closed her eyes.

Take what he wanted to give. Take it. It could be a vacation with her baby. Once school started, she would be so busy and so focused on doing well. Why not create a deeper bond with her child right now with this man's help?

Erik walked back into the room quietly and unwrapped his hair. He folded up the white cloth and placed it inside a bureau drawer.

"Killmonger," she whispered.

She held her hand out to him. He crawled onto the bed and spooned around her as she held onto Sydette. His cheek rested against hers and she took comfort in the weight and warmth of him surrounding her and the baby.

His breathing slowed down, matching the even pace of her own.

"Stay," he whispered.

"I will."

Chapter 12

Tag List:

@fd-writes​ @soufcakmistress  @cherrystainedlipsbaby @tclaybon  @thadelightfulone

@allhailqueennel @bartierbakarimobisson @cpwtwot @shookmcgookqueen @yoyolovesbucky

@raysunshine78 @the-illllest @terrablaze514  @l-auteuse @amirra88 @jimizwidow @janelledarling

@chaneajoyyy @sweetestdream92 @purple-apricots @blackpinup22 @hennessystevens-udaku

@scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @bugngiz @stariamrry  @honeytoffee @meilintheempressofdreams

@tyees

[raleigh-ocean]

let me in (my love is calling out for you) | audrey tindall x danielle bishop

summary: Audrey wanted to live a normal life and she thought she was in the right path to it, however, when she discovers that she’s in some kind of probation by Danielle’s daughter...well, her bits of courage just fell to the floor like broken pieces of china. In her try to handle it on her own for once, trying to maybe square up to all her fears, she fell again to the endless pit that were her insecurities. And, without knowing, she drags Danielle with her too.

words: 10,375

n/a: first of all, I want to thank @shineestark​ for being the absolute sweetheart always and let me talk her ear off each brainstorm I have. If she wasn’t there, I would’ve probably ended up deleting my blog. And second, well, this was a total mess...but I wanted to give that sensation. Not everything is nice, not everything gets a good resolution, and even when it seems it does...well, it doesn’t. The thing is...I want you all to know this is one of the first approaches I do to AudreyDanielle’s relationship, and they are troubled for sure, so take it with a bit of love, okay? They for sure are trying to be better.

Upon opening her eyes, Audrey only curled better in herself, grabbing better the quilt against her and indulging in the soft lemon, warmth and sleep scent.

The bed felt twice bigger than usual and she had a while without feeling so small, frowning slightly to the thought, but her eyes went to find her phone first thing and checked if she had a message. It only passed three more hours since Danielle had left for work, her daughter following behind like everyday, but her scent was still lingering everywhere. Comforting, without doubt, but it also awoke the little bug she had everyday messing up in her stomach.

It wasn’t a good bug, it didn’t make her want to stay put and enjoy her girlfriend’s home for a while longer; it was a bad one and it was making her want to flee. 

With care, Audrey started to finally move, pointing where Danielle had folded her clothes from yesterday and when she got them, her eyes landed in one of her girlfriend’s yarn sweaters. Will she mind? She asked herself for a second, the soft sweater in her hands...and then decided she probably won’t.

The bug was placated again when she made her way downstairs, one of her hands tugging at the too long sleeve from the sweater and bring it up to her nose. This one had Danielle’s perfume all over, almost spent from a whole day wearing it, but enough for Audrey to finally crack the second smile of the day. The first one had been when Danielle had kissed her before leaving and told her she was pretty much free to stay around, the memory fresh while she got breakfast, and Audrey truly wanted to do so...but something in her told her to just leave.

How much would she want to forget what she saw or to rewind in that moment, everything displaying in her head while looking around the empty house from the open kitchen. 

Danielle had been getting the dishwasher charged while Audrey got out from the master bedroom, freshly showered, and upon hearing her in the upper floor she had asked her if she could see if Damien got any glasses or maybe a bowl in her room, so she could get it all in one charge. Audrey had only hummed a ‘on my way’ absentmindedly and went to retrieve it. The door was ajar and she knocked, however Damien wasn’t there and she could hear her in the bathroom, and Audrey had already gained her trust enough to just jump in and out of the teenager’s room without much trouble.

The place was a mess that probably was gonna get fixed as soon Damien’s mother noticed, but Audrey navigated quickly through it to find what she was asked for. She found a couple cups over the desk and a small plate, which upon retrieving it made Audrey fix her eyes in the open notebook there. She asked herself what would Damien was studying and took a quick glance...just to find it wasn’t a school notebook.

There were scores here and there, all over both open pages, and in between the tight and messy handwriting, she caught her name. 

Oh, she really should had got out from there in that second, but the only thing Audrey did was to take the notebook in her hands and went through the pages. Most of them were dated and she went as far as around five months ago, when Danielle and her started to date formally. And...well, as much as she could see over the throbbing pain that was getting its way to behind her eyes, Damien took her sweet time to keep a record of things she had said to her.

However, it was when she got around the first month pages that she saw it. And it made her so sick to her stomach that she dropped the notebook over the desk as if it was on fire, not minding anymore about that and getting out of the room with the cups and the plate. 

She was lucky Danielle was getting something from her car when she made her way to the kitchen, because it took her a few minutes to recompose herself enough to pass her nervous demeanor as ‘I finished it from loading it, but this dishwasher have too many buttons and...well, I was waiting for you’ when Danielle finally came back with her briefcase in hands and asking why Audrey looked a bit off.

Closing her eyes, she tried to focus in how Danielle had kissed her sweetly against the counter instead of how her daughter had wrote a diary’s entry in which read ‘last husband died? -10.’ in red and black marker.

Audrey’s heart skipped a beat painfully, making her open her eyes again and start to clean the countertop from anything that could be a potential bother in the next hours. Sighing deeply, she fished her phone out of her back pocket to check any unread message since she usually put her phone in night mode when she was staying over with at Danielle’s. Getting a bit comfortable on the couch, she tapped at the screen to discover a few texts from three different chats and still feeling a bit miserable, she decided to went for the big ‘family’ group chat to see in which madness they spiraled in barely a quarter of the day.

Turning on the television to have some background noise, Audrey read how Danna had managed to...bake? or more like build an impressive cake for some client that order it for a birthday lunch or something, having Ally laughing and joking that she had two breakdowns over the chocolate in six hours while Dahlia asked for the recipe and Shelby half begged to not give it to her. Danielle was nowhere to be sean in the group chat, but Dara sent some pertinent stickers here and there and Billie joked about how now her wife was making puppy eyes at her to go buy chocolate cake.

She couldn’t help to giggle, quoting the picture with a ‘amazing yeah, but I don’t see any strbers there’ and quickly changed the chat for Danielle’s, who had sent her picture of her desk already loaded with folders - which Audrey had the feeling were there since a couple days ago - and her arm in scene to show a middle finger up to said folders around the time she arrived there; another one not long ago of her with a face that totally said ‘i’m gonna kill a bitch’ while she was pushing her glasses over her head; and then a text reminding Audrey she had left coffee made for her, cup and blue heart emoji at the end. She sent her some replies, a ‘you are a blessing’ to the coffee one and some laughs at the pics while asking how was it going and if she needed to go get her from jail for throwing someone out of the window.

Knowing she wouldn’t get a reply until later, taking in count her last connection was a hour and a half ago, she got then to Billie’s chat finally, which had more messages. While she was navigating through them, mostly Billie telling her about her last three hectic days at work, Danna replied with a big ‘WELL, IF SOME PEOPLE PAYED A VISIT THERE WOULD BE’ and a cake emoji. Audrey knew soon Danielle would reply to her sister, twin sense warning her of the bickering even without looking at her phone, so she kept reading Billie with a soft smile on her lips because it felt good to have her texting back again.

When she got to the last text, the one that was asking her about how was she, she couldn’t get to reply because a sudden ring echoed through the living room, startling her. She blinked, confused, and then her eyes landed in the phone...because of course, Danielle still had landline. 

Was it maybe one of those telemarketing people? For half a second, she considered not to pick up, but maybe was something important. Or maybe was Danielle herself, who knows? Audrey missed how the screen of her cellphone lighted up with a notification from her girlfriend, but she already got the phone in hand.

“Hello?” her voice was firm, and then a tentative voice came out of the other side of the line. “Good morning, may I speak with miss Bishop? I’m her daughter’s high school principal,” that closed Audrey’s throat immediately, but she managed to reply. “She’s not at home at the moment, but I’m...her partner, did something happen? Can I help you?” and there was this tight sensation in her stomach, so tight but at the same time comforting saying out loud who she was, that her focus went directly to Damien and wonder if something may have happened. “Actually, her daughter has gotten into a fight with another girl and we needed her to come and…”

And Audrey’s mind started to work in another different timeline.

She never thought she would get to the point in which she received a call like that. Audrey gave totally up thinking about herself as a mother, but when she started dating with Danielle it came with finding her place in a closer situation. As she took her bag, throwing her phone in and her wallet with the rest of her stuff, she tried to push aside whatever displeasure she had at the moment because this was serious and she needed to get there as soon as possible.

It took her a few minutes more to find a place to park, but once she was out of the car something heavy fell over her shoulders. Should she call Danielle? Or should she handle this first and then call her? Audrey didn't know how to proceed but she got herself into this mess because she still cared about Damien's wellbeing as much as she was upset with her, so she was going to try and fix it. It was weird being in a high school but she tried to walk with the confidence of one of her old theatre roles, swifting into a different persona so she could handle this with cold mind.

When she finally got to the principal's office, the first thing Audrey noticed was a pretty beaten up Damien, lower lip split and incoming matching bruise to her cheek along some scraps here and there. Her heart shrinked to her chest and when Damien noticed she was there, something in her light brown eyes lighted but she didn't move. The other girl was there too, with which Audrey supposed were her parents looked at her not really nice, but it only made her place better behind Damien and put a comforting hand in her shoulder so at least she knew she was there.

And the second the principal started to explain the situation at hand, Audrey felt how her facade started to melt with who she really was.

Of course, when the man explained briefly what had happened, he asked both of them to explain themselves better and the other child started to give her part with as many points as she could to clearly save her own ass. Damien, broody and skippy, refused to say much more than the obvious and Audrey knew there was something more behind that attitude. So she took to her hands defending her...defending Danielle's child as if she was defending her girlfriend.

Which impressed Damien to see her mother's partner braver than the usual.

By the time they got to the car, finally safe and sound, two weeks of suspension against nothing had become one week to each and a insane load of work to do, which was middle ground if you put it by how far worse was going to be. Audrey felt exhausted, more than she wanted to admit, but after counting three she was buckling herself and pulling over to get back to the house. She didn't even bring herself to check her phone, because she felt very tempted to go and call her girlfriend to inform her.

But for some reason, she didn't, and Audrey wanted to give Damien the benefit of the doubt.

"Did you tell mamon about this…?" Damien spoke so low that Audrey was glad she didn't put music, because she may had missed it.

"No, I do not, because you are going to tell her yourself," Audrey knew she would have to do some technical remarks to Danielle, but the folder that both were trying to ignore had everything inside for the actual mother to know. "Damien, what were you thinking? What really happened?"

And somehow, her voice didn't rise a bit. Audrey was so drained in that moment, emotionally talking, that she couldn't bring herself to be an ounce mad. Damien didn't even turn around, her eyes fixed in whatever she was doing in her phone and then it was when annoyance hit her, a tad enough to snap into a more loud 'hey'.

"I know I'm not you mother but I'm trying to save your ass here, buddy," she kept driving, furrowed frown as she made a right because a tiny voice in her head reminded her there really wasn’t any food at Danielle’s house. "It takes more than a notebook to make people go for a full fight, you know? I'm not stupid."

Damien looked at Audrey then, upon hearing those exact words, and something clicked there in her brain for a second. But the blonde woman didn’t notice the sudden panic in the teen’s face, not because she was asking to explain herself but because the weird passing anxiety she had been feeling for three weeks finally settled. Audrey glanced at her from the corner of her eye and sighed deeply when Damien didn’t say a word again, pulling over in the supermarket parking lot. 

Great, another nail to her coffin.

When Damien didn’t move, Audrey knocked in the glass to get her attention. Danielle was used to let her do whatever she wanted in those daily situations, but Audrey was already riled with anxiety and the last thing she wanted was to leave Damien unattended in the car after what happened. The girl moved, in automatic, to follow Audrey closely and still without a word, while they started to travel across the different aisles. Both were moving together, making quite the pair, but never got to talk during all the time Audrey spent picking stuff to get something in their bellies once at home.

Audrey gave up on trying to get the truth out of Damien, so she only interacted with her with banal stuff that was left unresponded because the girl was too in her head, still brooding, to pay attention aside from the basic motor skills. That didn't help to ease Audrey skyrocketing anxiety, it was making it worse indeed, because each second passed proved to her that all the things she was anxious for were true.

Damien, in her side of things, decided to keep it together as much as possible. She was good at following orders, following whatever was needed of her. But she couldn't bring herself to answer Audrey, because every time she looked at her the only thing in her head was that she should talk about the diary with her.

She knew right off the bat Audrey knew about it, the second she came back to the room and asked aloud to her mother if she had been in her room in fact. 

Damien had been putting some thoughts on her diary and when she went to write again, it wasn't in the page she left it open. Danielle had said no at that time, but told her daughter that Audrey had been to retrieve some cups - which led to a five minutes reminder of why she should get dirty dishes down once she was done with them. But deep inside her, really deep, she knew Audrey knew.

Why would she started coming to the house less and less often if not? Coming late at night and be gone before breakfast the times she passed by? Not talking with Damien anymore about her worries about her mom or about some of her other worries? Danielle stopping by Audrey's loft in her way home from work more often?

She totally knew about the diary, without doubt. 

The worst of it all was having her mother asking her if maybe Audrey had said something to her, because she knew Damien and Audrey talked more since they spent more time alone together. She had to play dumb, afraid of what her reaction would be if she knew how she had a full log of having her girlfriend in probation, shrugging and overall just exchanging looks with her mother when she noticed Audrey pulling away. And then how Danielle had called everyone in their shared social circle in case someone knew something, if maybe Audrey had talked to them.

She even overheard her mother asking Audrey directly, once Damien got up to the bathroom, because they were in the couch, cuddling and watching television before going to bed. And Danielle didn't get any response aside of 'I've been a bit busy and tired, that's all Dani.' and a kiss.

Damien's growing guilt got worse as soon as she caught a glimpse of Audrey's tired expression while she was paying the groceries. 

The trip back home was a silent one and once they were there, she kept following Audrey's soft instructions while getting late lunch ready. At least she got her to stop talking altogether aside of the basics, so her guilt steadied enough to keep down the food. But for Audrey didn't seem the case, as much as she could see, because she barely touched her plate.

"I'll be out of your hair as soon as your mother comes home," Audrey said when Damien started to clear the table. "So you two can talk in private without me being around."

It felt like a well deserved stab for a fifteen years old girl, one that actually decided to call home on purpose, instead to her mother, full knowing the short haired blonde was going to be there. There was something in Audrey's words that made her stomach churn annoyingly and with the remains of the rage she felt at school hours ago. And the next thing she knew, it was her mumbling surely loud enough 'yeah, that's better than having you here watching like you always do'.

Damien was too focused in forgetting her own discomfort, washing the dishes, to see the broken expression Audrey got upon hearing her. But her own tears got to her eyes, having to blink and rub her eyes to keep them at bay, feeling like the biggest hypocrite on Earth right in that moment. 

And with all of that, Damien set off to her room afterwards, leaving Audrey to herself. Which probably was the best for the adult, because the only thing the teen did once locked in her room was to cry and cry out of guilt, out of rage, out of anxiety, out of ‘why did I have to punch Vera Cobbers’ and ‘why I can’t go back in time’. Curled in her bed, Damien tried to forget what was going to come inevitably, but as two painful hours passed...she knew her time was coming to an end.

Getting up, Damien went directly to where the diary was hidden and took it with trembling hands. What if she came clear with Audrey first and then when her mother arrived...well, let the rest of the problem blow up? The only thought of telling the blonde downstairs pushed her tears harder out of her eyes.

And then, she overheard a car outside the house and her time was up. Damien went out of her room at the sound of the car turning off, just in time to catch Audrey getting her stuff back in her bag and standing up from the couch. She didn’t move further than the rail, feeling herself stuck there as a silent spectator, but she could see the whole living room and the kitchen from where she stood.

When Danielle make it into view, her blazer and briefcase hanging from her arm, glasses still on, the guilt came to her harder than before. Her mother threw her stuff, a very unlike move coming from her, in the loveseat and, with her face lit with happiness, circled Audrey with her arms and lifted her in the air while giving her a big kiss. She couldn’t picture her mother being that happy to come home even if she tried to, but there she was, not letting go of Audrey.

“Oh god, today was awful,” Danielle’s voice was a bit muffled, her face now hidden in Audrey’s neck while Audrey hugged her by the shoulders. “I thought I was going nuts...but having you here made it definitely worth.”

Damien started to move then, slowly going downstairs and trying not make a single sound while Danielle fixed Audrey’s hair with love, giving her a soft peck to her lips. 

Then, Audrey saw Damien over Danielle’s shoulder, and all her effort to keep it together started to crumble right away. She felt the need to break the hug, now lose and soft because Danielle was just indulging in her presence after pushing her glasses up in her head, and doing so was really easy when Audrey put a hand to Danielle’s cheek and kissed her sweetly and light.

“Well, now you are home...” she chuckled a bit, catching the soft smirk in her girlfriend’s lips. “...but I have to go darling, I was just waiting for you to come home so I could welcome you.”

Seeing the soft smirk disappear as fast as it came, rushed the terrible feeling already growing and about to overflow in Audrey. Danielle took off her glasses, pulling back her hair with her hand and then putting them back, making her illegally handsome. She took her hand, lacing fingers, and looked at her with the worry again filling her eyes.

“C’mon chère,” Danielle swinged their laced hands and tugged a bit. “Stay? Please, we barely spend time together these days, is because we always have take out? I promise I’ll try and and and...cook something, whatever, even if we have to dinner at ten.”

Even with the joke laced, Audrey could hear the hurt and light panic in Danielle’s voice. But she needed to go before Damien started hating her more, and she totally didn’t want anything to do with why she had to get her from high school hours ago, enough she had done for the girl and was thrown to her face like it meant nothing.

“Take out is just fine, it’s just that I really have to go,” Damien was already a couple meters away and Danielle seemed to sense her finally. “I promise to call you later, okay? We’ll plan something for the weekend and...”

Then Audrey saw Damien start to cry, the words getting stuck in her throat right away, and her flight response ringed through her body like it was an earthquake alarm going off. The girl sprinted towards her mother and Danielle got no time to catch her daughter in her arms, her mother’s senses coming up immediately. Audrey managed to hear, between sobs, how Damien was speaking in french really fast and Danielle’s expression darkened with worry and confusion a second later.

“What? Dada, slower, what are you talking about? What diary?” if Audrey heard sweetness in Danielle’s tone, now it was all gone. “Why are you crying? Look at m-” and the second Damien looked up, incoming bruise to her cheek and split lower lip, Danielle got pale. 

It was then when Audrey stopped from hearing something at all, mumbling a quick ‘I’ll leave you two alone’ before getting the fuck out of the house. If Danielle called for her, she didn’t hear it, because her anxiety was unbearable by the time she got in her own car and drove off in the verge of the attack.

She needed to get home, now. 

Unaware of her best friend’s whereabouts for the whole day, Billie worried. 

Obviously she would worry, Audrey was always excited and chatty when Billie texted her after days of work away, already planning when they would meet up the second the medium got all the stress out of her system. But Audrey had left her on read, maybe she was busy today, and then she got busy with laundry and cleaning the kitchen because Dara had asked her before having to rush out of the house because of work.

To the time Dara came back, Billie was fast asleep in their bed because jet-lag kicked her like a bitch, and then she didn’t have time to think about Audrey a bit more because upon opening her eyes, her now wife was fresh out of the shower only covered with her flowery silk robe, hair wrapped in a towel and phone in hand. Billie couldn’t keep herself from catching Dara by her middle, making her cutely yelp, to get her in her lap to finally enjoy what she missed for those too fucking long shooting days.

Billie’s phone was in the kitchen counter, so none of them hear it when it started to ring, but when Dara’s phone started to vibrate somewhere in the bed, lost between sheets and their bodies, and Billie started to try reach for it while kissing and devouring each other.

“Annie, your pho-Oh fuck, biting? M-move your leg,” Billie laugh ringed when Dara, under her, started to give her actual love bites while moving her leg as she was asked to. Blindly, Billie took advantage of that to make Dara circle her waist with said leg and then her hand felt the bed in search for the phone. “That’s so, so...you are going to be the death of me, I swear,” Billie finally got the device, eyes closed because now Dara was sucking on her pulse point, but picking up the same. “G-good evening, miss Lynch can’t come on the p-phone right n-”

It was then when Billie heard Audrey panicked voice coming out of the speaker in such shocking way that it made her freeze on the spot and open her eyes, alert in a matter of seconds. 

“Audrey, hey, Audrey listen to me,” and then Dara was alert too, confused look in her eyes and hands resting in Billie’s hips. “Breathe in, breathe out. Can you make it upstairs? Pumpkin, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” then Billie was off her wife in a beat, rolling in bed to go to her side and start putting the nearest shoes she had. She turned around to look at Dara and she was just getting dressed at light speed, already a leg in some sweatpants. “I’ll be there in…” Dara, serious face on, whispered ‘ten’ before pulling a shirt over her bare torso and the same flowery robe on top. “Ten minutes; if you can’t get home, sit in the stairs and wait there, okay? Okay,” Billie felt out of air, head spinning with the alarm and the last bits of arousal hanging to her lungs, but she started to move behind Dara towards the door the same. “Sweetheart, everything is going to be okay, I’m on my way.”

The only thing she got clear was that Audrey was having a panic attack and that Dara was driving too fast for someone wearing slippers. But she didn’t care about anything in else in that moment, pulling her hair into a ponytail and then holding Dara’s purse along their phones to keep her hands occupied. She felt a tingly sensation against the skin she hadn’t covered, as if something was trying to get into her, but Billie closed her eyes and pushed against it before looking at how composed was her wife while driving.

Without make-up on, Dara looked younger, yes, but more tired, worry lines in her soft sweet face. When was the last time she had looked like that? Was she sleeping well those days? What was worrying her?

But all those questions were pushed back when they pulled over in front of Audrey’s building and practically ran with their friend in mind. Billie was the first one to arrive, taking in count Dara was hobbling behind her, without her cane to support her fully she couldn’t run or walk without feeling unsteady with every step. By the time Dara got to the loft, Billie had Audrey wrapped in her arms, both sitting in the floor while the oldest of them was caressing the other’s back to calm her down. The medium was listening to the broken and confusing mess that was Audrey in that moment, and in between she was starting to make sense out of it.

It wasn’t good that Audrey was feeling again like that, like she was a waste of space and time. Like she had the weight of the whole world on her shoulders and as if the whole world was watching her about to drop it all, make a mess and laugh at her.

“...Billie?” and her sobs were so heartbreaking that twisted something inside Billie, who was pressing soft kisses to Audrey’s head taking advantage that she was now hiding in her neck and had Dara kneeling by them, brushing with care Audrey’s short hair out of her face. “D-did Rory died b-because of m-me…?”

The couple shared a surprised look and then they both felt something in the back of their neck, pocking at them for attention. From where was that coming from? Not the sensation, but Audrey’s question, which left them speechless for a minute.

“Wh-Audrey, no,” something in Billie flared up, something long buried after four years, and she made Audrey look at her in the eyes. “Absolutely no, Rory didn’t die because of you. I watched those tapes with you, I was there when they made you go through the stupid tapes and it totally wasn’t your fault in any possible way.” And Billie wanted to say ‘and I heard him saying it, from the good side, so it could reach to you better’ too so bad, but refrained herself.

“You weren’t at fault, Drey, you totally weren’t,” Dara mumbled that, pressing a kiss behind Audrey’s ear sweetly to ease her more, her arms wrapping both blondes in a hug. “What made you think about that again…? Did someone said something to you? A weirdo on the internet?"

From all the things Billie thought that could’ve trigger such deep and dark part of Audrey, she totally didn’t expect that at all. 

The second Audrey started to explain what had been happening the last three weeks, how she had been trying to deal with everything in her own, to be brave and try to handle things as if she could overcome them alone...well, it made Billie's brain to stop working. Not only she couldn't wrap her head around Audrey's behaviour, she couldn't wrap her head at how Danielle was so blind to not see something was going on right under her nose. And what had happened during the day? Well, that was another thing to the pile of problems. And the diary? Oh God help her, that put the cherry on top of it all. 

A cherry full of her own rage, waiting for her to take it and unleash its power.

When they managed to calm the actress down enough, sitting her in the couch and lighting up a cigarette for her - Dara took the package from the car before running behind her wife and was the one putting it between her lips to give it back to Audrey already lit -, Billie tried to calm down too, lighting another cigarette for herself.

"Let's calm down first and then we'll see what to do about this, okay?" Dara pressed her fingers to the back of her neck. "I'm sure there have to be a full explanation for this."

But it wasn't the nicotine what was helping her relax, it was that tickling sensation in her skin again. Her eyes went to Dara, trying to wrap Audrey in a blanket because she was trembling, and she knew it was her presence what was really helping ease the knot in her head. And maybe that was what actually made Billie finally snap.

"No Dara, stop."

"Stop what?" Audrey looked at Billie and then at Dara, who was frowning with confusion. And she was pretty sure the tallest woman was confused more about hearing her first name than the order.

"This, whatever you are doing right now," Billie pushed again against the sensation, her rage growing, and Dara stood up in front of her, arms crossed under her chest and reminding Billie what she was not wearing under. "I know they are your family, and that you will defend them always, but this got to another level. What your niece did was plainly mean and stupid, and sorry, but the last thing Audrey needs right now is being reminded of all this." then Billie pointed with her hand to Audrey, trying to wipe her face with her sweater's sleeve. "Look at what happened! Audrey worked hard to get some kind of normalcy and now it was thrown out of the window."

Dara couldn't say a word to that. She didn't have enough strength to bring herself to reply, so she only let Billie calm down after getting that out of her system. Her leg was cramping as they were speaking, strained from the sudden movement plus the whole day walking here and there at work, and she needed to take a seat but she didn't want to seat in the couch, where Billie was now comforting Audrey.

She had listened through the whole problem, trying to keep her cool and think for a solution instead of pointing fingers, and unfortunately everyone was at fault in some way... except maybe Danielle. 

Danielle that, for sure, the worst thing she did in this scenario was to not keep pushing for some kind of response to why her girlfriend was acting weirdly.

Of course Damien was...stupid for writing a full log about her mother's girlfriend, it was such a teenager thing to do? But that didn't take the fault away at all, because she was plainly cruel...and well, Audrey only showed her niece that she could trust in her and that she wanted the best for Danielle.

But also Audrey should have told Danielle what was going on instead of bottling it up. It was meant to explode, sooner or later, and maybe Dara could blame it to the new of their relationship but that miscommunication wasn't a mere 'oops, I forgot the oven on'. Dara knew from where Audrey was coming from, all the trauma and the dark thoughts and the days of not seeing an end to her depression, because she had been there by her side, however that didn't give her a free pass to do as she pleased.

And Billie...well, how could she tell her wife all of that without having her at her neck? She knew how protective Billie was of Audrey, it was one of her weak spots, so even if she helped in the 'get Danielle and Audrey together' intervention plan, it was obvious which side was she gonna get in when problems happened.

"Call her," Billie's sudden strong voice brought Dara back to Earth, who was brushing her still a bit wet hair back with both hands. "Call your cousin right now."

"Honey, I don't think…"

"You don't think what, that she can't handle being told to put her kid in place!?" and there was this edge in Billie's voice that Dara didn't like at all, the snarky tone. Sometimes you didn't need to be screaming on top of your lungs to make others to recoil and feel bad. "Put her on speaker, I'm done with this foolery."

Sighing deeply, Dara walked towards where Billie had left their stuff. It strained her more, hiding the discomfort of not having her cane with her, and once she got her phone in her hands she made the few steps to the couch slower. She gave up already in trying to make Billie be rational for once, so if she wanted to face a probably enraged Danielle...well, she was on her own.

After a few tones, Danielle's voice came out. Her own tone was thick and with an accent mixed deeply in her words. Dara herself knew when someone was switching languages, used to that after years and years.

"Dal, can I call you later?" Dara felt the tiredness in her cousin's voice, laced with something more. She caught Audrey looking up at her, the hurt in her eyes."This isn't really a good time."

"Of course it is!" Billie snatched the phone from Dara's hand and frowned, gripping it tightly. "Listen here, you better give your kid an earful or I'll d-"

Dara didn't expect, not even in a hundred years, for someone to be able to cut Billie's speech in such violent manner. If Audrey had recovered some color in the last minutes, she lost it upon listening to Danielle's enraged voice. 

"What do you think I'm doing, Howard!?" Dara even held her next breathing. "For fuck's sake, don't ever tell me what I have to do or not, because I do know it very well," they three could hear how Danielle took a deep breath before keep on speaking. "I know you are with her, so please, take care of Audrey. I'll be there as soon as possible."

Dara didn't expect either to hear someone hanging up on Billie.

Thick tears started to run down Audrey's cheeks again and then Billie left Dara's phone in the coffee table, taking her friend's hand in her free one to reassure her that everything would be alright. For Dara, it only meant that she wanted to get herself busy with whatever so she didn't have to think in this mess that was giving her a headache already.

So she decided to make some tea, full knowing they would need it. Her mother always said tea was the best choice to calm people's nerves. So she got for herself that task, not wanting to face her friend nor her wife in that moment. Dara took her time to put the kettle - because Audrey of course had one, could she get more british? - in the stove and search for some tea bags - fuck it, she was going full fake posh, water heated with a kettle but teabags to accompany.

When she was done with that, Audrey and Billie had moved to the balcony to smoke, so she only left their cups in the counter and got herself a corner of the kitchen to silently sip to her own cup.

Was she selfish for wanting to have a day in peace? The only thing she had wanted from the second Billie got home from filming around midday was to spend the day the two of them alone. But not only she had to go in her day off to work anyway, but all this had happened. 

Now the least thing she wanted was to go back to what was interrupted. That was a missed chance already, and well, to be completely honest, it wasn't like Billie was going to sleep that night in their bed. If she wanted to be irrational and mean when the only thing Dara wanted was to calm things down, well, the couch was welcoming her already.

She couldn't even bring herself to look at Billie once they were inside again, no more tears in sight and their teas mild at this point. Dara had served herself her second cup of tea by the time the front door opened, her eyes immediately going there while she saw Billie standing up from the couch again.

"Dani," Dara wanted to go hug her cousin, getting herself one of those awkward side hugs the woman gave, but she stayed where she was when her eyes went to her niece, seeing how bad the high school fight actually got. "Oh wow, I hope the oth-"

She cut herself from keep talking when Danielle raised her hand, to stop her from finish what she was saying. Now that she could actually look at her, Dani didn't even got time to change clothes and, wearing heels, she was even taller and scarier with her work looks, her face not showing much emotion but her eyes had a troubled glint, all hidden behind her glasses. Then she looked at her daughter, barely a glance, and then Damien stepped forward to talk to Audrey, as if she knew what she had to do the moment they put a foot in the apartment.

"I'm sorry Audrey," Damien's voice was clear, a bit congested because of the crying - her puffy red eyes giving it away -, but clear enough for all of them to hear it. "I...I didn't have to do that and I had to talk to you about it, but I was a coward. I had to tell mamon what was happening to you," she sniffed a bit and Audrey was looking up to her, tired expression in her face. "I was an asshole. You only wanted to be nice…" then Damien looked briefly to Danielle, who was crossing her arms under her chest. "Thank you, for picking me up from school and help me there...I may have suspension for a week, but boss grounded me to eternity...” And her tiny giggle managed to ease the tension in the living room somehow, ever so soft. “...do you hate me now…?”

“Ah...no, I don’t hate you Damien,” Dara saw how Audrey stood up so she could talk to Damien better, her hands trying to find somewhere to land...somewhere that was Damien’s shoulders. “But I’m upset with you, because...well, I was only trying to get on well with you, I’m not your enemy. And things you wrote there...well, were actually true...for me, at least, in my head.”

“Okay,” her voice so tiny, Dara knew her niece was about to cry again and that for sure would make Audrey cry. Billie only seemed about to pop a vessel and Danielle shifted in her spot. Her own throbbing headache starting to get annoying. “I k-know...even when you make me try those green smoothies. That’s kinda evil though.”

That earned a tired laugh from Audrey but then she just leant to hug Damien, who clinged to her as if her life depended on it. Dara couldn’t hear what her niece mumbled to her friend, making her to look at Danielle for a second before whispering what could be ‘I won’t darling, don’t worry’ and letting go of the hug. And Dara thought that was the best time to finally made their leave.

“Why don’t you stay at home with us tonight, dear?” Her voice went out calm in spite of feeling how her head was about to crack in two and Danielle finally looked at her, nodding and giving her permission right away. “I think it’s for the best, I promise I will totally not order italian and make you eat bland spaguetti with tuna, which I’m the best at cooking it.” She chuckled when Damien put a disgusted face before looking between the other three women. “You three do your thing.”

Dara hid how bad was actually her limp right in that moment by flickering her fingers, making Damien go with her and use her as support. It was then when Billie reacted, her attention finally drifting from Audrey to her wife again while she was taking Danielle’s car and house keys from her hand. Billie’s keys were in the counter, where she had left them when they arrived, and Damien took her purse for her. Dara knew for a fact Billie was staying.

She was done with this for today.

Now the plan in her head drifted to take Damien to her house to take a change of clothes and then drive to their apartment with Danielle’s car. She was about to leave when she heard someone walking towards her and then Billie was taking her hand in hers. They were away from Audrey and Danielle’s eyes, thanks to the entrance wall, and Dara gestured Damien to go ahead and wait in the car.

“Annie,” it warmed Dara’s heart to hear Billie call her like that again, with a more relaxed tone. She raised then her hand to press it to Dara’s cheek and then she pressed a kiss to her lips, tiny and warm. “I’m sorry...for yelling at you, I lost my temper there.”

“Oh, I know you’re sorry Bills,” Dara smiled tiredly to Billie and then went to caress her cheek, giving her a couple pats before kissing her in the corner of her lips and turning around to leave. “Still, the couch will be waiting for you tonight.”

When Danielle heard the front door closing, the weight in her shoulders eased a bit. Her eyes went to Audrey, trying to find the right words to say to her. She wanted to do this right, she wanted Audrey to see she could trust in her with whatever instead of bottling things up. What Damien wrote in that...notebook, was still very much wrong and not only she betrayed Audrey’s trust but Danielle felt the betrayal too coming from too many directions.

Since when her daughter started to hide things from her? Since when her girlfriend decided to hide this from her?

But there she was, getting a scold? from the only person in this world she didn’t want to have there. Billie had came back to the living room, her face totally giving away all the pent up anger she had been holding, and then started the biggest rant against her. Everything she was saying, Danielle could see it; her worry for Audrey, to not let something bad happen to her again...everything Danielle also wanted. 

The day she had entered into this relationship, she knew it wasn’t going to be easy mostly because Audrey and her had this enormous bag in their backs. And she understood when things got rough, understood that both needed time to get back on their tracks, but somewhere along all of this...she felt that she got lost.

Audrey, in that exact moment, couldn’t take her eyes off her girlfriend. Billie was going full rant without getting any reply, but Audrey could see how Danielle was tightening her fists each second passing and then...it was like someone turned up the volume.

“...so tell me, Bishop, what are you going to do now, mhm?” Billie’s neck was red and her eyes full of something Audrey didn’t see before. “Stand there in silence while she’s suffering?”

There was a change in Danielle, enough to make her look at Audrey before facing the other blonde. She wasn’t going to lie and say she wasn’t afraid of what her girlfriend was going to say next, indeed, Audrey was pretty much afraid of her opinion. Danielle was always the one taking the realistic side of things, to have twenty plans before the situations collided, to hold everything inside because she was used to being in charge, and also to be the part bringing everyone back to Earth if they started to wander too much.

But who was strong enough to bring Danielle back when she was the one wandering too much?

“I wouldn’t be here if I was going to do that,” her voice wasn’t even wavering, steady and in control, which made it even scarier. “I wouldn’t have put my kid in place the second everything was thrown at me; I wouldn’t have put Audrey, our relationship, over everything else.” Her hand finally moved from being a fist and gestured toward her. “I put everything I have in me to make us work, that’s why I’m here to fix this and overcome it together...because I fucking care about Audrey and, flash news, about us.”

The emphasis in ‘together’ was hard enough to make Billie flinch, but she didn’t recoil a bit. However, it was time for Audrey to actually do what she failed in: trying to fix things on her own. She shook her head for a moment, closed her eyes and put both hands covering her face. The softest ‘god, I just want to be normal like before…’ before gathering all her thoughts left her lips and she didn’t notice how it affected to the other two women. But she now had her thoughts sorted out enough to finally do something with them.

“I wanted to handle this by myself, be brave and stop hiding behind everyone,” Billie looked away upon hearing those words. “I thought I was doing it but...well, it seems it wasn’t like that.”

“You’re the bravest here already Audrey, but all I want is for you to know you can rely on me to handle things. Not alone, but hand in hand. If I have to put out relationship over everything else right now, I’m going to do it and show you that I care.”

That burnt anything Audrey was about to say, the edge in Danielle’s voice taking her by surprise because she knew she was being completely serious here. It shocked her to hear something like that coming from Danielle’s mouth, and Billie seemed to notice because Audrey saw her getting close to check on her. Danielle sighed deeply then when no response came from her girlfriend, and then put up her hands and then together.

“Look, I can leave and come back tomorrow if you need space,” oh, Audrey’s fear started to go up, because she didn’t want Danielle to go. “But I couldn’t let you go without hearing that...that I love you, more than you think and of course over anything that will come our way.” She was being sincere, her eyes always locked with Audrey’s. “Just tell me what you want me to do right now.”

It wasn’t fair not how things worked, Audrey didn’t want Danielle to put their relationship over everything else, she only wanted to be able to be together without having to fall into the pit of insecurities she still had inside. Audrey felt herself soften, letting go of Billie’s hand to hold herself better. Hearing those three sweet words coming from Danielle’s lips was a total blessing, something good for a change.

“I don’t want you to go, I want you to stay and be able to talk...the two of us alone,” then her eyes went to Billie, still by her side and waiting for her to tell her what to do too, knowing her time there was about to end for the day. “And I need another cigarette, for sure, but all I want is to go to bed knowing we’ll be able to have lunch tomorrow like we always do,” then her eyes went to look first to Danielle and then to Billie. “Am I clear?”

Audrey saw how Billie was looking at her and then...she nodded. Danielle did the same, refusing to look anywhere but where they were standing, with something darkening her features. Sometimes the problem with her was that she was too hard to crack, to understand and know what was she feeling...but Audrey was hoping to fix that soon.

“Fine,” it was her turn to sigh painfully deep, walking to get the pack of cigarettes from the coffee table. “Then everything is settled.”

The only thing Billie did was to follow Audrey to the balcony and sharing another cigarette, while finally calming down.

Danielle took advantage of that to slip away to the bathroom, not being able to hold everything anymore. Once she had the door closed behind her back, the facade cracked and fell enough for her to slide down the door and cover her face with both hands. 

For sure she couldn’t cry, she couldn’t since several months ago, but letting out those ragged breathings do help to calm herself down. She wanted to blame everything to someone, but the face that lit up in the crowd as the culprit was only hers. Her own fears rising like this giant tsunami waiting for her weakest and most down time to strike, Danielle closed her eyes to blind herself and not see the incoming doom. 

Taking deep breaths always worked, she told herself, so that’s what she did. Danielle took off her heels after too many hours with them on, focusing in calming herself and standing up again. Taking off her glasses, pushing them up to her head once again, she opened the tap counting how many deep breaths it took her to do the task. Once her hands were clean, she looked at her reflection and started to push everything back in.

Pushing her own fear of failure, of not being enough, of not being able to be supportive as Billie was of Audrey, of not being strong enough. And when she looked again in the mirror, all of that was gone and her usual tired expression looked back at her.

When she managed to get out of the bathroom, it surprised Danielle to be face by Billie, finishing off her cigarette there. She prayed that the blonde didn’t notice her breakdown, quietly waiting in case she had something to say. She wasn’t going to say anything, mostly because usually Danielle didn’t know how to talk with her cousin’s wife, and most of the time was the other woman to start the conversation.

“I left my pack by the microwave, in case she needs another,” Billie raised her own cigarette to put some more emphasis to it and then she got silent for a few seconds more. “Look...I like you, Danielle, I truly do. But I can’t help to worry about Audrey, because I saw what she has gone through and I want her to be happy.” And Danielle could understand that for sure, she was the last one to arrive in this and she knew only the tip of the iceberg. Billie sighed then, seeing that Danielle wasn’t going to say anything, to put her last words to this. “When we got here, Audrey asked me if Rory died because of her. Annie and I told her it wasn’t like that, obviously, but...I think it’s important that you know. She’s still very sensitive of that after four years.”

And then, in the most unexpected move that day, Billie hugged her. It was awkward, oh god, so damn awkward because both were the type of not giving hugs but Danielle tried to circle her, patting her back even.

“Take care of her, Canada,” Billie sighed then and looked at Danielle with somewhat a pained expression. “One more thing...do you think I’m fucked? How much?”

“I don’t think, I know you are,” and that made Billie chuckle, the tension between them easing a bit. “How much depends in what you did, my cousin doesn’t like being yelled at...so as her lawyer, I’m betting for three days couch arrest sentence, if not more.”

With that, Billie was gone, but Danielle couldn’t help but stay there for a few seconds more, indulging in the brief joking moment to get some strength to face Audrey on her own. The corridor seemed longer than it was that day, and when she finally got to the living room Audrey was with her back facing Danielle, both hands in the counter and head hanging a bit.

Danielle knew sometimes they had to sacrifice for each other, and this time it was hers to do so. 

So she went to hug the woman she loved, taking her by surprise, but not letting her go. Danielle closed her eyes, feeling better just by holding Audrey between her arms, and then she finally talked.

“I’m sorry, I love you,” she had too much time without feeling herself be vulnerable but there she was. Too many ‘I love you’s was more of a Danna or Dara thing to do, but she had to reach Audrey and make her see that it was the new reality. “I’ve been so worried with work that I couldn’t keep up with you two, I should have asked more, worried more about you and Damien; and I know is not excuse, but...I’m sorry Drey, I really am. It’s my fault.”

Feeling how Audrey was turning around in her arms, Danielle let her do as she pleased and then she was facing her. Audrey took her hands in hers, squeezing them with care and giving her a kiss to her knuckles.

“You didn’t do anything wrong love,” there was something in Audrey’s voice she couldn’t pick. “I...I was the one pulling away, I should have been braver and tell you,” Danielle could feel how her hands were cold and trembling a bit. “I love you too, Dani, a whole lot indeed...it’s just that I wanted to prove I wasn’t a bother to you.”

“Not in a million years, not even if you tried,” Danielle let out a soft laugh and then look down for a second, gathering her next words. “I...I want you to feel at home with me, because I feel at home with you, and I know it’s hard to tell things, heck that I know that pretty well...but I need you to tell me when something is wrong so we can fix it, so I can fix it…” a light new squeeze to her hands. “From now on...will you tell me? Please?”

Audrey bit her lip, lacing their fingers together to hold Danielle’s hands better. She knew well when people was taking their time to get a proper answer, her job was actually taking in consideration when and how people did that before tracing a new plan of action. Danielle was almost expecting Audrey to give her a white lie...but it wasn’t the case.

“Okay...okay. I’m not sure if I’ll always be able to, however,” there was sincerity in showing in Audrey’s whole demeanour. She was being truthful with what she was saying. “But I’ll try.”

That was enough for Danielle, because sometimes coming from her would be like that until she was able to let her own fears go. Audrey nodded then and she let go of Dani’s hands to go and hug her, finally indulging in the warmth she craved and loved, hiding her face in the hollow of Dani’s neck with her eyes closed. And having her like that, made Danielle feel full again, soothing the overwhelming uneasiness that was shaking her whole. 

“You know? I already feel at home with you, you don’t need to stress much about that...”

How can a single whisper make someone so happy? That was what Danielle thought upon hearing that coming from Audrey, wrapping her more tightly in her arms and giving her all the kisses she wanted to give her during all day. She didn’t care anymore about their problems, at least for the rest of the day, and for those hours she tried not to think much.

Obviously Danielle called Dara to check on Damien, because as much as she was upset herself with what she did, she still loved her daughter very much and that wouldn’t change for nothing in the world. She had to figure out how to balance everything and let her know that she was still there for her, which Danielle made it very clear when she had known all the chaos that had ensued.

But for that night...well, Danielle tried to get some fresh air.

Audrey didn’t bring up the whole thing the rest of the night, they focused in enjoying each other company. Which was nice, because Danielle didn’t want to keep thinking about it. They laughed when their dinner burnt and had to order pizza, they kissed and watched television for a while; and when it was actually time for them to go to bed...well, Audrey realized something.

“Dani, did you bring a change of clothes?”

“Ahm…” the woman blinked for a few seconds in confusion, caught off guard. “Well, you have my sweater if that counts as a change of clothes.”

And that made Audrey start to laugh, genuine and pure laugh, because that was something unlike Danielle. To not have something planned, to just go with the flow, and when Audrey had to search for some sweatpants for her to change, well, more laughs were there.

There was something charming in how Audrey’s sweatpants did fit Danielle, but the length was hilarious. For once she felt good lending her girlfriend some clothes, and she felt even better when Danielle got in bed by her side and opened her arms to cuddle her.

For sure that was something to celebrate, but Audrey knew all the effort Danielle was doing to make her feel loved and comfortable. So the only thing she did was to go get cuddled, giving kisses as little ‘thank you’s and basically let herself start to be loved again.

But there was a little something bugging her, a little something that was the real culprit of this whole mess they had to face.

“Danielle…?” Dani was half asleep already, but hummed in response to let Audrey know she was listening. “What happened to the diary?”

It took a few seconds for Danielle to reply, the memory of having the notebook in her hands. Notebook that she didn’t dare to open and decided destroy with the paper shredder right away. If she had to know something, she wanted Audrey to tell her because she trusted in her.

“It’s gone Drey. Don’t care about that anymore.”