#it just sucks so much bcs i genuinely love and am so fascinated w the topic

[skitskatdacat63]

I have to write a relatively long German paper, and man its just so difficult for me. The pro side is that I can pick any topic I want, so of course I picked Charles VI. But I've literally not written any German in months, and I'm almost 100% sure our prof doesn't actually read them. I should just write and submit boy king fic....

[elialys]

hey. as a fellow writer from niche fandoms and unpopular ships, can i just say i really appreciate you being upfront about how much lack of engagement sucks. really thank you. especially because it comes from someone like you who has a fair amount of engagement, but you know what? you’re right being pissed. i know i am. i come from fandoms where people are constantly yapping about lack of content yet none of them engage w/ each other. i ended up leaving bc i felt like i was screaming to a wall. and you know what? i haven’t stopped writing, just posting. bc why bother? so yeah, i AM writing for myself, and also keeping it from myself. idc if that’s petty honestly, like no, it doesn’t make me feel any better if someone out there might end up liking it one day if they’re being completely silent about it. fandoms aren’t supposed to be one-sided. i’m fine w people not reading my stuff cause they don’t like it. you can straight up tell me you hate my ship and i will be like. cool 👍 but when people do read and like your stuff and yet never say anything, that’s something that i don’t like

anyway sorry for rambling, know that you’re much appreciated. i remember you from my doctor who days and i wish i were in your fandoms so i could keep reading your stuff. ❤️

For the longest time I didn’t say anything because I realize that in a lot of cases, I’ve had what you’d call great engagement, and I’ve always been so thankful for the love my stories have received throughout various fandoms. But the decline is STEEP these days, and I have the hindsight of having been writing/sharing fics online for two decades, so I have a lot of 'data' to compare these days’ numbers to.

That’s the thing that has always gotten to me. NUMBERS. Being so, so aware of how many people click on our fics, and how few of them actually engage with a comment. Even at my most “popular”, I didn’t get more than 5% of my readers interacting with me; it felt like a lot because I had a lot of readers, so it meant more comments, but it still was only 5%.

Like you said, it’s this knowing that people are reading, that they are coming back chapter after chapter, yet they don’t bother engaging with us, even when most of us basically BEG in author notes for them to comment and make us feel less like word spewing machines and more like creative members of their online community. What really got to me this last month was updating my fic for The Last of Us, a chapter that got 1,000 hits in two weeks, and I got 10 comments for it. I was just…how the fuck are 1,000 people reading and only 10 of them bothering? Especially since that fic had averaged 3 times that amount of comments for months on previous chapters.

Every time I get disheartened by the increasingly shitty reader engagement, I tell myself that’s it, I’m done writing fics. But then I always go back to it a few days later because I actually LOVE writing fics. Like, fuck yeah, I do write for myself and actually enjoy it for myself (in a love-hate kind of writing relationship obviously 🤣). I do it because I am in love with the characters I’m writing about, and fascinated by their dynamics and relationships, so it’s genuinely a THRILL, and my biggest passion.

But the abysmal engagement these days is just…it makes me feel like shit, there’s no other word for it. Because I spend so much time and energy on those stories (because I want to and I LOVE to write), but as a fic writer, there’s always this part of me that’s excited to be SHARING it with the fandom. Because twenty years of this have gotten me used to at least some decent interaction, and feeling like I'm part of a community. But then the hit count goes up and the comment count stays low or nearly empty, and it’s just gutting. People just consume, consume, consume.

Honestly, GOOD ON YOU for still writing while deciding not to share with your niche fandom at the moment. I’m thinking I might do the same with the rest of my Tess & Ellie AU, because I want to see it through and finish it for ME, but I’m done spoon-feeding an apathetic crowd. I’ll reach out to my most loyal readers and regular commenters when the day comes, and give them a way to read the rest of the story, might even just post the chapters straight on my blog here like I used to do, but not on AO3, not for a goooooood while.

Maybe it is petty, maybe I am just butt hurt. But fuck it, it does hurt my feelings, and I’m the one spending hours of my life writing those things, so I’ll do it my way. And I will continue to call readers out, and ask them to step up. We are human beings, not chatGPT, we just want some appreciation for sharing our art.

[volfoss]

⚜️ *Gives you the fanciest emoji I know of*

im so sorry this is like. 2 weeks late. a lot of stuff happened for me irl and i also was waiting to come across a character that i thought u would find really interesting :) i think you'd be able to really investigate veycer like a bug under a microscope.

i think youd like veycer SOLELY because of how complex he is written. he sucks soooo much as a person and i would like to blow him up HOWEVER i think as a villain he is so fascinating. volfoss doesnt really have villains in the usual sense, as its more just oh im on this side of the war, hes on the other side of the war and hes kinda being mean so hes the villain for this route. and you can side w his (veycers) side of the war and see different sides to him that way. like everyone just kind of sucks in the war really.

^white boy of the year in a bad way

so like. in order to get into his complex writing i have to first again elaborate he sucks. you are not meant to really care about him unless you take the route where youre on the ikuaipe side (which hes the military leader of). and to really get into him as a character i have a LOT of explaining to do plot wise. so come with me. take my hand. we are having the tumblr askbox equivalent of my 30 minute volfoss politics powerpoint or whatever.

ikuaipe uses rare metals imported from asdenia, mainly to make drugs. asdenia one day is just like no. fuck you we are not exporting this to you anymore. this obviously causes a lot of tension. eventually the war is kickstarted (this is either because of a mysterious disease or because it appears that the leader of ikuaipe was kidnapped. put a pin in that. we will return to it later. sorry theres a lot to explain and i need to make it as cohesive as possible) and its kind of like. well not good for either side lmao. each of the three (technically four. its a long story.) nations has a different governing system: ikuaipe has a group of people leading (frokiston is kind of the head, gust is second in command, and veycer is kind of third), asdenia is like a religious leading (the archpriest leads the country), and caldealand is a monarchy (with a king and queen and prime minister). this is all important im so sorry stick with me here i have to set up a foundation for the politics.

so like. if volfoss was crazy popular and had gotten super fandomized, people would say frokiston was kinda like a father figure to veycer but like objectively they do care about each other a lot. i cannot even begin to get into their wide degree of issues but frokiston is arguably just trying to lead ikuaipe as best he can, so in the ikuaipe route, when hes kidnapped, it sends veycer into a panic. like to the point where hes rushing into battle, right into dangerous spots just because he HEARD thats where frokiston might be. he invades asdenia further bc it does seem like its a plausible place for him to be. frokiston is someone who you see reassure veycer when he's worried about the war and how they're losing. like he does genuinely care a lot about veycer and thats WHY veycer is pretty much willing to die to make sure hes ok.

i am not going to spoil the ikuaipe arc ending but veycer is kind of put in a position a lot where he has to make tough decisions and well. they are not normally handled well (in terms of he makes stupid as fuck decisions or like. decisions where youre sitting there like WHY would you do this). and the end of that arc is a very good example of that, as it deals with how someone who acts very calmly and level headedly about death can be forced to make a decision that doesn't make him act as calm as he normally would.

which this all ties into a couple very distinct moments that make me genuinely insane when i think about him. like again he sucks soooo bad its insane but hes very well written (which idk if ive gotten acorss bc i really do wanna avoid major ending spoilers. i think youd love volfoss a lot). bullet point list bc ive gone on long enough lol

his sister (Shes also an army commander. shes great you would love sheala) does a big fuck up on a mission and well. lemme just grab what i noted down here. auveon is another commander.

but later he goes on to be like oh ty for protecting sheala ^-^ i care about my family. he does pardon her to just a demotion and i rly think that was his intent at first but he needed to seem strict to make ppl respect him.

one of his right hand men dies in one ending and he literally just does not care at all but i also think its a situation of keeping up a tough front. hes fascinating and id get more into it if my wrists were not cramping up insane style but they are so. i think youd love him in the way that he well. has diseases but is written with so much depth and compassion

[jakowskis]

Loved ‘an ugly picture, you & me’ so so much. Srsly I read it like 10 times and still won’t get tired of it. It’s such a great piece of writing. Now my question: Do you already if ur gonna post more Torchwood fanfic?? (no pressure obv, writing is so so hard and I admire everyone who actually manages to finish their stories).

oh my goodness thank you so much 🥺 that means the world to me im so glad you liked it so much

man ok so. heres the thing. djkfds aaa idek how to talk abt this it makes me feel stupid fdshkfj. basically i have dx'd ocd and it affects my writing process a Lot. im exceptionally critical n perfectionistic when it comes to my writing, and when my ocd's at its worse, i can reread things literally hundreds of times. this makes my editing process a fucking nightmare. an ugly picture was... a Journey, i wrote the bulk of it in like a month or two bc i was Inspired, and that period of inspiration just flowing was super nice - but then i spent literally half a year obsessing over editing and figuring out a few sections i couldnt get to work and it was. rlly rlly unhealthy and messy. like that was a stereotypical Mentally Ill Artist™ moment for me 😭 i was unmedicated during that process and honestly im still impressed with myself for managing to finish and post it anyway.

and after posting it... this might not make sense unless u have ocd but that fic is, like, tainted in my head, and im not allowed to touch it as a result. which is RLLY fucking annoying and sad bc i wrote it for Me and it was a labor of love yanno, and i am proud of it, like during writing i was like 'man this is one of the best things ive written, im genuinely proud of this' and ive gotten some absolutely wonderful reception - but i cant exactly place why, idk if it was the torment of the editing process or a fear of experiencing that specific brand of anxiety again (if i reread it and run into errors it might kill me 😭)... either way at this point in time im legitimately unable to revisit that fic. and its been like this since i posted it, so... for nearly five months ;-; and im kind of having a similar experience with torchwood as a whole tbh. like my whole fandom experience + relationship with this fixation has been bastardized to all hell bc of ocd issues. it all feels very... dirty right now.

which fucking sucks, cuz torchwood's one of my fav fixations ive ever had, it became so important to me so fast and it's probably hit special interest territory at this point - but it sucks what a thin line it is between obsessing over a hyperfixation, and compulsively engaging with something. it sucks when the serotonin u get from smth also gets laced with pervasive anxiety. my recent main issue with ocd has been avoidance - i went from obsessively going thru torchwood clips to being unable to watch it at all bc the very thought of doing so makes me so anxious.

(so, tldr? my mental illness garbage is interfering w my interests and my ability to engage with fandom, to my chagrin, and that's why i haven't posted anything else.)

that being said: between april 2023 and now i have written 180k words of torchwood fanfic. im endlessly fascinated and inspired by these characters, particularly by owen who has lowkey proven to be my muse lol. (he sits in my mind palace on top of a, like, literal fancy ass corinthian pedestal and his one job is to sit still n look pretty and sad but instead he snarks down at me every time i walk passed and in return i squirt a water gun at him and occasionally throw tomatoes at him. it's a very mutually loving relationship.) and 180k words in, and literally hundreds of hours spent thinking about and talking about tw/owen, and im still fascinated by it/him, there are still soooo many things i wanna explore through writing with these characters that i adore so much. 57k of the 180k words is part of what will eventually be a sequel series to an ugly picture (which is meant to be a stand-alone, for the record, but towards the end of the writing process i went "Hm. Actually I Have More Ideas", and it became a whole 'verse heh). problem is i dont rmr the fic enough to continue the first sequel and currently i cant revisit it and take notes 🤡 so that project's on hold. as for the other stuff, it's a good mix of misc one-shots and full-on projects, and several things are pretty much done and could, if i were anyone else, easily be polished and posted.

but, as ive made clear, unfortunately writing (well, revising + editing) is an absolute nightmare for me. now, im recently back on medication after nearly two years of rawdogging it, and ive been having issues with that fff (namely constant pervasive exhaustion) - but im working to figure out a happy medium, so im HOPING, hell, praying, that once i level out ill be able to open my docs and sit down and finish things without it being a goddamn ordeal. editing's not rlly fun for anyone, but it fucking sucks when your absolute favorite hobby + mode of expression gets terrorized by a wiggity wack disorder.

first order of business, once im able, is a 15k owen/andy fic that's literally 90% done. i wanted to post it in june, for pride month, and then my brain decided to convince me i wasnt being coherent in the slightest and i was like, nah, i cannot make myself soldier through the editing project this time, i dont want this to get ruined the same way. but hopefully soon i can drop that and it will be epic and such 😎

so in summation uh (sorry im a known babbler fdshk but this is what happens when u send an ask to someone who wrote a 30k fic where literally nothing happens KJFSD. also sorry for literally trauma dumping unprompted 😭 i did the white woman in the kmart thing) ive written a ton of torchwood fic and i 100% intend to write a ton more but mental illness garbage is trying to sabotage shit so basically im taking a break from trying to post any of it until my brain lets me enjoy my damn interest in relative peace 👍but i definitely have a lot more fic on the way. just might take a while for it to see the light of day. hopefully not that long

anyway thank you again so so so much for liking the fic enough to read it multiple times that means so much to meee. i hope to have more for u soon :))

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Jane Foster’s child

Jane Foster x child!reader

Thor Odinson x Foster!child!reader

warnings:

a/n: no not a foster child, jane foster’s child 😌 also im so super glad you liked those!!! hope these are just as good!!! and im genuinely so sorry these took so long

prompt: anonymous: “Hey! I just read the Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader HC and I loved it! Would you do the same but with Thor and Jane? ❤️”

no babysitter = go to work with mom

dr. selvig gave you a rubik’s cube to keep you entertained

“fuck that! here, y/n, you can play my DS” -darcy

“can you not swear in front of my child?” -jane

you thought tonight would be boring, but then your mom and darcy collectively hit a homeless guy with a car!

“holy crap, we’re all going to jail!” -you

“don’t say ‘crap,’ y/n! we need to get him to a hospital!” -jane

ngl this dude was kinda funky

darcy used her taser and your mom covered your eyes, but you still peaked ;)

ride to the hospital

“don’t touch him, y/n”

“sorry, doc”

and the very next day you guys stole him 💕

“mr. thor, where are you from?”

“i am from asgard! it is much different from this realm, but your’s is adequate, i suppose”

“thanks?”

you could see the way your mom looked at him, though

he ate all the pop tarts >:(

she gave thor her ex boyfriends clothes

“yeah, donald was a real ass—” -you

“don’t say ‘ass.’ darcy curses too much” -jane

“sorry, mom...anyways, donald forgot to pick me up from soccer practice like, a dozen times. he sucked” -you

“this ‘donald’ doesn’t seem like a very good man...also, what is ‘soccer?’” -thor

you grabbed a soccer ball and tried to show him how to play but there was some other stuff the *scientists* had to take care of

you were a regular at izzy’s diner (well, mom was) and they always made you cute pancakes in different shapes!!

“ah, it’s a smiley face! that’s adorable!” -thor

“yeah! they like to surprise me whenever i come in. they’re pretty awesome” -you

*your mom literally beaming at how good thor is with you already*

you and thor were drawing on paper placemats

and then he broke a glass and you started giggling hdhshshs

but he had to leave

“no, thor, please don’t go!”

“i hope to meet you again one day, little one. hopefully fate sees it through”

:((((

no time to be sad bc ur mom’s lab got hijacked by the government

“hey, no fair! that’s my diary!” -you

“sorry, kid. there are constellation drawings we have to observe” -coulson

“aw, you draw constellations? wait, not now. you can’t just take all our stuff. especially that! that belongs to a child!” -jane

“sic ‘em, y/n!” -darcy

“don’t listen to darcy, y/n” -selvig

chilling in the trailer and missing thor bc he was the most interesting thing to happen to you and your mom in a while

and you wanted her to be happy even tho he was kind of crazy

“hey, mom? do you want to watch the stars tonight like we used to do? we could make s’mores?”

“that sounds like a great idea, baby! i’ve gotta go take care of some science stuff, so i’ll pick up some s’mores stuff while i’m out. love you!”

yeah she went to go see thor and he kinda got arrested but your mom came back home so you could watch the stars!

“so, do you like thor?” -you

“what? what makes you say that?” -jane

“it’s cool if you do, i think he’s awesome. a little weird, but at least he’s nice”

then thor and selvig came home and selvig was drunk as a skunk

*poking him while he giggles and tells you about thor*

“i wish your grandfather could have met that guy! he would have loved him...i wish you met your grandfather, too” -selvig

thor inviting you back outside

“i’d like you to teach me more about this ‘soccer’”

by the time you guys were done, it was 3am and you were too pumped to go to sleep

so thor told you stories of his home and battle and family

you didn’t want him to stop, you were fascinated by it all

and uhhhh yeah then earth kinda had some vikings show up

they told you that you’d “make a fine warrior one day”

and then yall got attacked by a ????? a what??? a destroyer???????

“get y/n out of here now! they shouldn’t have to see this!” -thor

you were still nearby and saw thor become thor again

after he was done fighting the destroyer, you ran to give him a hug

“that was awesome! can i hold your hammer?”

“maybe someday, little one”

then you didn’t see him for 2 years

which upset your mom a good bit, you had to help her through that episode. lots of sitting on the couch and eating ice cream together talking about how he wasn’t worth her time even tho you missed him too

but he came back! and then your mom sent everything flying bc she had an “infinity stone” inside her and thor took you two to asgard

“y/n! you’ve grown so much, i almost didn’t recognize you!” -thor

tbh you really digged the outfit they gave you, but also you were on another planet? thor insisted on giving you a tour (by flying you around)

“i do hope you’re having fun, little one!”

worrying about your mom simultaneously bc you overheard she was sick

but asgard got attacked and you and jane were confined to a room in the palace, which sucked because you wanted to see it all

but thor sent guards to bring you anything to keep you entertained

“maybe we’ll skip the mace for now, thank you” -jane

after several events that count as child endangerment, this chapter came to an end and your mom and thor finally made it official

loki called you a rodent and then saved your life so you were kinda iffy about him

about a year or two later, your mom had to travel a great deal in order to get some work done, so you were left in the care of thor, who took you to avengers tower

“oh, my girlfriend’s child is an angel! and they’re so intelligent, just like their mother!” -thor gushing to other partygoers

“yeah, thor, your ‘angel’ is sneaking drinks from the elderly” -tony

*sipping his beer* “they’re a growing teenager”

you did have an amazing time interacting with the avengers

and once they tried grabbing the hammer, you knew you had to get in on it (but you failed like the rest)

“don’t worry, my y/n, you have to be eighteen years of age to be able to lift mjölnir!” -thor

“oh, that makes sense!” -you, while thor aggressively shakes his head at the other avengers. he just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel bad you weren’t worthy yet :(

more child endangerment but really what did you expect?

thor went off world and your mom split it off w him but you did have his email so you were still in contact with him

swearing you saw odin on the street once or twice (fast forward)

and then your mom dusted and thor found you as soon as he possibly could, it was so good to see him

he took you in since you were alone now, you moved to new asgard and became prince(ss) of the new land by relation?? makes sense right

basically you and valkyrie made all the calls while thor grieved for years

but he still took care of you

“y/n, would you like to play video games with me? i think it may be a good bonding experience, what do you say?” -thor

“duh!”

uncle korg made you help him with fortnite while thor was asleep

you wished to wield stormbreaker one day

showing thor earth media! his favorite star wars character is r2-d2 dont ask why

he taught you asgardian recipes and you taught him...earth recipes?

when he was drunk he’d ramble on about his childhood and battle and enemies and jane and loki and hela and frigga and literally anything that came to mind

“y/n, could you please get me a beer? and get one for yourself, too” -thor

valkyrie most definitely gave you some battle training so you you blow off some steam, you were glad she taught you how to fight like a true warrior

thor wanted to teach you battle tactics so you could fight alongside him, but he never got around to it

a raccoon and bruce banner visited later on, proposing a way to get your family back, thor was an emotional wreck

his debriefing on the reality stone was tense when he started crying about your mom and everyone stared at you

“hey, don’t look at me. i don’t control the god, i just keep him company”

ending up waiting 1 second for the avengers to come back from their mission, resulting in you being stuck in the middle of a very heavy battle

“y/n, get out of here!” -thor

“don’t worry, thor! valkyrie taught me a few moves!”

“you make me incredibly proud, little one!”

“i’m not so little anymore, am i?”

“you will always be my little one, y/n. blood or not, that will not change!”

victory, but at what cost? it was a rough ride, you needed to get patched up, but your mom was finally home and thor...he decided it was time to leave earth again

“don’t worry, my y/n. i will see you again.” *tearing up* “i’m so glad i got the pleasure of raising you these past few years. i love you dearly, now go be with your mother”

you straight up wanted to bawl your eyes out right there

“well, y/n, you’re next in line for the throne of new asgard. what is your first command?” -valkyrie

“actually, i think you’d make a much better ruler than me. i’ve got to spend some time with my mother now that she’s home”

“you’re so much like him, you know that?”

staying with your mother, who was diagnosed with cancer not long after returning from the soul stone (a/n: jane getting cancer is canon in the comics and confirmed for thor 4)

“i missed five years of your life and now i’m sick, that’s just our luck, isn’t it?” -jane

she was understandably upset, but she also felt guilty

“mom, don’t beat yourself up. everything is okay, we’re still together right now. i won’t be going anywhere, i promise”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck //

[thattimdrakeguy]

i love tim but like. all the shit that happened to him, like all the pain and deaths and whatever, were kinda on him? in that he signed up to b robin bc dick wouldn't do it and he thought it had to be done. and i just get so lost bc it's so hard to find dc fans who portray him as the super dorky kind of a fuckboy? guy that he is in robin '93. like why do people think he's meek or quiet or w/e?? don't get me wrong there are certain fanon aspects that i do like (sneaking out to see bman and robin bc it makes him seem more competent and less middle upper class dipshit?) but like he's not shy his parents sucked and didn't make as much of an effort as they should have but they still loved him. i don't know where i was going w this i think i read too many comics

just to elaborate bc i think i said it wrong: tim was made to be more normal so more kids could relate to him. he didn't have a tragic backstory, and his discovery of batman and robin's identities was almost entirely happenstance. so i feel as though other heroes, particularly the other robins, see him suffering all this loss due to being a hero and are bitter bc like. he chose this. most of em were forced into the life by tragedy, but here's this kid who wanted to help people and gave away his life to this cause. i get it, he's the "squeamish bougie whiteboy" (fav tim quote) but ugh. i am so sorry. beginning to get annoyed with so many people adoring a character that doesn't really exist. i don't think it's gatekeeping to say that if you want to b a comics fan. you should prob read comics.

Cause he’s literally described as meek by one of the dudes that worked on the comic.

But that doesn’t mean he’s shy or anything. It’s used more on the soft spoken part but it doesn’t mean he won’t get assertive when needed. It’s more of a general statement with how he’s generally presented. He was very insecure and often unassuming. And I wouldn’t exactly call him a fuckboy either given he’s the one that doesn’t want sex.

Like there’s a grand middle to things here. Some people think he’s this rebellious, loud mouth, skater punk (Yes he can skate. Yes he likes it. No he’s not apart of skater culture except when to learn about it. Yes I love the Redboard), just because of a few comics, with a few actually being comics that are notoriously well-known for NOT being good representation of the characters in it.

But he’s also not a weirdo, barely able to speak, wimpy, dope, that everyone looks at as a total freak-show for his weirdness.

He’s a generally meek kid, who’s doing his best, is perseverant, and does what is right. He’s more soft spoken, and introverted, but he’s not brain dead and unable to make friends. He’s very awkward quite a bit every now and again, but it’s not his often constant default to be a social mess. He can speak just fine mostly, and even has his moments of confidence. His parents may have loved him but he was still emotionally neglected, and further emotionally abused by his dad later on.

Too many people want to make him like their other favorites by giving him a louder more ass-holeish confident personality. And the others want to make him more clown-ish to be funny and amuse themselves, or to a certain extent maybe they relate to it (though maybe not to the usual degree).

And to me, personally, when the most exciting and interesting part of your character is their backstory. Your character probably really freaking sucks. I’m more about the present of the character.

I don’t think Tim needed some stereotypical grand backstory, because not every character needs a big backstory to be good. Most characters in fiction don’t have a lush backstory but it’s not needed because it’s about the present of the character and how interesting they are.

Tim being a fanboy in a spot where he could let down his heroes, and he’s so insecure and not quite as good as the last that it puts pressure on him. He has to balance a home life with a super hero life, and personal life. He’s dweebie and not exactly super cool like others. He’s got anxiety unlike more confident super heroes. He does his best, and he fails often, and it’s hard on him like he’s a genuine authentic kid. His black and white thinking on heroics is fascinating when put into spots where he has to really question it.

When you put him into any super hero related spot, his point of view and general perspective is always the most interesting one, because he’s a character who never stops thinking about everything, and lets his anxious thoughts get to him, plus being through the eyes of a very authentic kid, it adds a lot that other super heroes don’t get. Either because they’re totally different personality wise, or they’re just one dimensional and don’t have anything interesting beyond very basic archetypes.

And I don’t really recall any other heroes being bitter towards Tim about losing people after his life, besides Dick having a bizarre way of saying Tim should be grateful he still has a dad.

I also don’t really think you HAVE to read the comics to be a fan, or at least all of them, because it’s super impractical to have read everything. But I feel like you should truly know and understand them, or else you’re not actually a fan of what you say you are. You’re just into the made up version people keep talking about.

Which is why I run my blog the way I do, because a lot of people don’t know the actual comics, and I find it better to learn about them.

[phoenixfangs]

okay this post got a little out of hand so its going under a readmore, im rambling abt irredeemable media and purity culture and the critical culture on tumblr and how it jazzes me up and infuriates me at the same time. i mention killing stalking specifically so if u dont wanna see that go ahead and skip this one

ive been a little fascinated by the concept of "irredeemable media" lately and like. i think we as a community on tumblr r trying so hard to compartmentalize media into only two boxes: problematic and unproblematic. and i think thats A Little idiotic LMAO

oftentimes were not even digging into the material we just See smthn like a distasteful trope or a -phobia or -ism Somewhere in the material and brand it problematic, and leave it at that. most "critics" (i hesitate to call them that but i dont have a better word) on this site dont even watch or read the thing theyre talking abt -- its valid to not Want to read smthn like killing stalking but at the same time how many ppl decrying it as The Worst Possible Thing have read even a chapter of it? my guess is very few

(this is NOT an endorsement of killing stalking btw, this is what started my fascination with "irredeemable media" so i am currently reading it to see if it rlly is that bad, and like. yeah its p god awful LMAO i cant in good conscience even recommend it for others to review/critique it its so vile. i want to make it abundantly clear that i am NOT reading it to enjoy it, i am NOT enjoying it in really any way while i am reading it, i think its disgusting in the way it depicts homosexuality, abuse/sexual assault and the way it treats women as a whole. i just wanted to read it bc now i have proof to back up any points i happen to make abt it being a disgusting story, bc im the type of person that wants to experience the Thing b4 i give genuine criticism of it)

ANYWAY killing stalking is maybe not the best example of my point bc even if u havent read it its not hard to accurately criticize it bc it rlly is Just That Awful but its what i brought up bc its what im investigating rn (i dont even wanna call it 'reading' bc thats embarrassing that im reading it LOL im investigating im doing research on killing stalking this is a scientific venture of mine), but like ill see smthn labelled as "irredeemable media" and i think "hm. has this person ever engaged with the material? how do they know its irredeemable? did they actually read/watch/whatever or did they see a lot of ppl talking abt it on tumblr?"

and like i said, i have no problems w anyone who looks at smthn labelled "irredeemable" and decides they dont want to engage w it, i couldnt give less of a shit what other ppl do with their time at this point in my life, i just think the critical culture on tumblr makes it maybe not the best place to get accurate, authentic criticism of things that have problematic elements (or anything rlly, the critical thinking skills on tumblr r subpar at best even when it comes to "good" or "acceptable" media)

and anyway im more fascinated w the culture of engaging w "irredeemable media": if u consume X media that is bad then, by the transitive property, u r bad. THAT is what fascinates and infuriates me abt the critical culture on tumblr. am i a bad person now bc im reading an Objectively Problematic comic as research, even tho literally nothing else abt my behavior/thoughts/morals has changed besides the mere existance of this comic in my life? will i be viewed as a dangerous person bc im reading an Objectively Problematic comic even though im actively decrying it and authentically telling u how bad it is and how much i dislike it and dont want others to read it because its so bad?

bc its not just media we try to box up into "problematic" and "unproblematic", its consumers too. for some reason when it comes to things deemed "irredeemable", if ANYONE engages with the source material, they r suddenly branded as "irredeemable" too, and any nuance of the situation is sucked out into the vacuous wasteland of media criticism on this website. obviously i think it goes without saying that bad media attracts bad ppl but at the same time, we make that assumption abt EVERY consumer of bad media, and i think thats unfair and narrow minded, esp through the lens of criticism

ppl want a moral high ground so badly, they want to feel superior to others so badly, that they jump at the opportunity to call someone an X apologist bc they consumed a media one time. purity culture on this website makes media criticism so difficult and toxic and its. ITS INTERESTING. ITS FRUSTRATING. I LOVE AND I HATE IT. i want to study some of u ppl like animals, the way u react when u hear someone watched hetalia one time or read homestuck one time or laughed at family guy one time. if i had the time i would Genuinely write a think piece on this phenomenon bc its so fascinating to see ppl playing into this purity culture and trying to one up each other by saying "well i NEVER watched this or read that so im morally superior to this other person who did"

i guess my point is, purity culture goes beyond just wanting pure, wholesome media with no flaws and no problematic elements (which is impossible btw bc everybodys standards r different) for the sake of. idk -- ppl like that would claim its to create a positive non-toxic space for folks in margianalized identity groups or smthn probably but idk if i buy that from ppl who behave in such a self righteous, self fellating sort of way -- but that demand for purity extends to consumers of problematic media as well and, who is it passing judgement on those ppl from on high, like a god? the same idiots sitting at their computers reblogging "x my beloved" gifs, same as anyone else

i guess what im actually saying is that NOBODY on this website has any right to pass such harsh judgement on anyone else, nobody anywhere has the right to feel superior to anyone else just bc they only watch pure childrens cartoons and not terrible problematic things like game of thrones or whatever

[dillydedalus]

what i read in july

THAT’S MORE LIKE IT aka i’m finally out of the (relative) reading slump for good & my bro james joyce was there

men explain things to me, rebecca solnit the original mansplaining essay is great, and still scarily relevant; the others in this collection (most on feminist issues) are also quite good; some aspects are a bit dated & problematic so be aware of that. 2.5/5

erschlagt die armen!, shumona sinha (tr. from french, not available in english) short but very impactful novella about a young french woman, originally from india, who works as an interpreter in the asylum system and becomes more & more broken by this system of inhumane bureaucracy and suffering, until she snaps and hits a migrant over the head with a wine bottle. full of alienation and misery and beautiful but disturbing language - the title translates to ‘beat the poor to death’ so like. yeah. 3.5/5

fire & blood: a history of the targaryen family I, george r r martin look, it’s a 700-page-long fake history book about a fictional ruling dynasty in a fictional world, and i’m just That Obsessed & Desperate about asoiaf (and i don’t even care about the targs That Much). anyway, now i know more about the targs than any ruling family from, you know, real history, which is like, whatever. this is pretty enjoyable if you are That Obsessed, although i will say that some bits are much better than others (there are some dry dull years even in everyone’s fav overly dramatic dragon-riding incest-loving family) and the misogyny really is. a lot. too much. way too much. BUT i did really like Good Best Queen Alysanne (her husband king joe harris is alright too i guess) and i found my new westerosi otp, cregan stark/aly blackwood, who both have Big Dick Energy off the fucking charts. 3.5/5 (+0.5 points for cregan and aly’s combined BDE)

the old drift, namwali serpell hugely ambitious sprawling postcolonial nation-building novel about zambia, told thru three generations of three families, as well as a chorus of mosquitoes (consistently the best & smartest parts). there is A LOT going on, in terms of characters, of plot points, of references to history (the zambian space programme) and literature (finally my knowledge of heart of darkness paid off) and thematically, and honestly it was a bit too much, a bit too tangled & fragmented & drifty, and in the end i probably admire this book more than i liked it, but serpell’s writing is incredibly smart and funny and full of electrical sparks 3.5/5

a severed head, iris murdoch the original love dodecahedron (not that i counted). iris murdoch is fucking WILD and i love her for it. this is a strange darkly funny little farce about some rich well-educated londoners and their bizarre & rather convoluted love lives. not as grandiosely wild as the sea the sea, but fun nevertheless. 3/5

midnight in chernobyl, adam higginbotham jumping on the hype bandwagon caused by the hbo series (very weird to call the current fascination with chernobyl a hype bandwagon but you know). interesting & well-written & accessible (tho the science is still totally beyond me) & gets you to care about the people involved. lots of human failure, lots of human greatness, set against the background of the almost eldritch threat of radioactivity (look up the elephant foot & see if you don’t get chills), and acute radiation syndrome which is THE MOST TERRIFYING THING ON EARTH . 3.5/5

normal people, sally rooney honestly this is incredibly engrossing & absorbing once you get used to how rooney completely ignores ‘show don’t tell’ (it works!), i pretty much read the whole thing in one slow workday (boss makes a dollar, i make a dime so i read books on my phone on company time, also i genuinely had nothing to do). i also think rooney is really good at precisely capturing the ~millenial experience in a way that feels very true, especially the transition from school to uni. BUT i really disliked the ending, the book never engages with the political themes it introduces (esp. class and gender) as deeply as it could and the bdsm stuff never really gets TIED UP LOL. so overall idk: 3.5/5

störfall: nachrichten eines tages, christa wolf quiet reflective undramatic little book narrated by a woman waiting to hear about the outcome of her brother’s brain surgery on the day of the catastrophe at chernobyl - throughout the day she puts down her thoughts about her brother and the events unfolding at chernobyl, as well as the double uncertainty she is trying to cope with. really interesting to read such an immediate reaction to chernobyl (the book came out less than a year after chernobyl). 2.5/5

the man in the high castle, philip k dick it was fine? quick & entertaining alternative history where the axis powers win the war, some interesting bits of worldbuilding (like the draining of the mediterranean which was apparently a real idea in the early 20th century?) but overall it’s just felt a bit disjointed & unsatisfying to me. 2.5/5

fugitive pieces, anne michaels very poetic & thoughtful novel about the holocaust, grief, remembrance & the difference between history and memory, intergenerational trauma, love, geology and the weather. i’m not sure how much this comes together as a novel, but it is absolutely beautifully written (the author is a poet as well) and very affective. 3.5/5

american innovations, rivka galchen short collection of bizarre & often funny short stories about neurotic women whose furniture flies away, or who grow an extra breast, or who are maybe too occupied with financial details. very vague & very precise at once, which seems to be the thing with these sort of collections. 3/5

fool’s assassin (fitz & the fool #1), robin hobb YAASS i’m back in the realm of the elderlings!!! i thought this was one of the weaker installments in the series - i still enjoyed it a lot, and Feelings were had, but it just doesn’t quite fit together pacing-wise & some of the characterisation struck me as off (can i get some nuance for shun & lant please?) and tbh fitz is at peak Selfcentred Dumbass Levels & it drove me up the fucking wall. molly, nettle & bee deserve better. still, completely HYPE for the rest of the trilogy. 3.5/5

JAMES JOYCE JULY

note: i decided not to read dubliners bc it’s my least fav of joyce’s major works & too bleak & repetitive for my mood right now AND while i planned not to reread finnegans wake bc……. it’s finnegans wake…. i kinda do want to read it now (but i also. really don’t.) so idk yet.

a portrait of the artist as a young man, james joyce y’all. i read this book at least once a year between the ages of 15 and 19, it’s beyond formative, it is burnt into my brain, and reading it now several years later it is still everything, soaring and searing (that searing clarity of truth, thanks burgess) and poetic and dirty, and stephen is baby, and a pretentious self-important little prick and i love him & i am him (or was him as only a pretentious self-important teenage girl reading joyce can be him - because this truly is a book that should be read in your late teens when you feel everything as intensely and world-endingly and severely as my boy stephen does and every new experience feels like the world changing). anyway i love this book & i love stephen dedalus, bird-like, hawk-like, knife-blade, aloof, alienated, severe and stern, a poet-priest-prophet if he could ever get over himself, baby baby baby. 5/5

exiles, james joyce well. there’s a reason joyce is known as a novelist. this is….. a failed experiment, maybe. a fairly boring play about an adulterous love-square and uh… love beyond morality and possession maybe??? about how much it would suck for joyce to return to ireland??? and tbh it’s not terribly interesting. 2/5

travesties, tom stoppard a wild funny irreverent & smart antic comedy inspired by the fact that during ww1, james joyce, lenin, and dadaist tristan tzara were all in neutral zurich, more or less simultaneously; they probably never met, but in this play they do, as dadaist poetry, socialist art critique, and a james joyce high on his own genius & in desperate need of some cash while writing ulysses, AND the importance of being earnest (joyce is putting on a production of it) all collide in the memories of henry carr, who played algernon & later sued joyce over money (tru facts). not my fav stoppard (that’s arcadia) but it’s funny & fizzy & smart & combines many many things that i love. 4/5 

ulysses, james joyce look i’m not really going to tell y’all anything new about ulysses, but it really has everything, it’s warm & human(e) & cerebral & difficult & funny & sad & healing & i always get a lot out of it even tho there’s bits (a lot of them) i’ll never wrap my head around. ultimate affirmation of humanity or whatever. also stephen dedalus is baby. 5/5

dedalus, chris mccabe the fact that this book (sequel to ulysses about what stephen dedalus might have done the next day) exists and was published ON MY BIRTHDAY is proof that the universe loves me. 

anyway this is very very good, very very clever, extremely good at stephen (less good at bloom but his parts are still good), engages w/ ulysses, portrait & hamlet (& others) very cleverly & does some cool meta and experimental shit. y’all it has stephen talking to a contemporary therapist about how he’s stuck in joyce’s text which is all about joyce & very little about whoever stephen is when he’s not joyce’s alter ego/affectionate but slightly amused look at younger self and ithaca is an interview w/ the author about how his relationship to his dad influenced his response to ulysses and I’M INTO IT. the oxen of the sun chapter replaces the whole ‘gestation of english prose’ w/ just slightly rewriting the first pages of about 10 novels published between ulysses and now & it does lolita w/ “bloom, thorn of stephen’s sleep, light in his eyes. his sire, his son’ and i lit. screamed. anyway i don’t want to give this 5 stars (yet) bc i think some of the experimental stuff ended up a bit gimmicky & didn’t add that much to the text but fuck. that’s my boy & i want to reread it right now. 4.5/5 ALSO it’s a crime no literary weirdo woman has written ‘a portrait of the artist’s sister’ about delia ‘dilly’ dedalus, shadow of stephen’s mind, quick far & daring, teaching herself french from a 3rd hand primer while her father drinks the nonexistent family fortune away and her older brother is getting drunk on a beach & starting fights w/ soldiers bc he’s a smartarse